#Dunno what it could be but not thar it matters now!

[uzukali]

Why does pentar have so many hearts?

[lupintyde]

ML Season 2 & 3 Predictions

I’m going to tell you guys this right now.  This post is going to contain spoilers for future seasons of Miraculous Ladybug.  

Even though most of the community already knows about them, I’m still warning those lily-white Miraculers that have no clue and don’t want one ;)

Thar be SPOILERS down below

So, I told my husband about the future Le Paon.  Quote from the Miraculous wiki:

“Le Paon is an upcoming Miraculous holder that will appear in Season 3 as Hawk Moth's ‘boss.’”

Dave (the hubby) said something along the lines of “grumble grumble is anything original anymore grumble grumble” and then went on a half hour long rant about exactly how the next two seasons are going to play out with this new big bad.  After listening to his insane ramblings and being mad that he was dropping this truth bomb on me while I was DRIVING (and thus, not able to write it down before I forgot), I’m going to go with what he said being a valid prediction.  Because he’s right.  Original ideas in TV/cartoons are rare.  And ML has already shown that it thrives on tropes.

This one has been done with most major good vs. evil shows and cartoons from the 1980s and on.  The ones Dave listed were Transformers, G.I. Joe, MLP: FiM, He-Man, etc.

I couldn’t find this on TV Tropes, but Dave calls it “Being Rita’d” in honor of Rita Repulsa from Power Rangers.

Here’s an explanation (links to TV Tropes):

Season 1: The villain is introduced and is an actual threat

Season 2: The villain becomes distracted and/or their plots to take over the world/universe get ridiculous.  A mysterious bigger bad is hinted at either during the season or in the last episode.  It turns out our first villain is only the Disc One Final Boss.

Season 3: What?  Our big bad is neutered (aka Villain Decay)?  Time to bring in a NEW big bad!  This happens either as the “new bad defeats the old bad and they team up” or “the new bad was there all along”.  Bonus points if the new one is the boss of the old one.

For those that are like “I didn’t watch those outdated cartoons from the stone age so I don’t know wth you’re talking about”, use what just happened in Voltron: Legendary Defender.

In S1, Zarkon was a threat.  In S2, he became so obsessed with the Black Lion that even Haggar was shaking her head at his schemes.  At the end of S2, here comes Lotor for S3!

That’s right.  Lotor’s arrival is an overused trope that the fans saw coming in season 1.  He won’t be Zarkon’s boss, but he’ll most likely be more of a threat to the paladins than Zarkon ever was.

So, what does this have to do with Ladybug?  Here are our predictions for the next few seasons.

Season 1: 

Hawkmoth/Papillon is a threat

as much as you can be when your weapon is emotion-seeking butterflies and garishly dressed subordinates

Gabriel probably knows Adrien is Chat Noir (1)

also, Gabriel is probably Hawkmoth/Papillon (1) (2)

Season 2: 

We’re guessing he’s going to be a little distracted trying not to accidentally kill his son

while at the same time, having the Miraculous he’s been trying to get for what, a year?

in the same house, WITHIN HIS REACH

it might drive him a little bonkers

Season 3: 

Maybe he’s lost his mind and Nathalie discovers the Peacock Miraculous and decides to take matters into her own hands

Maybe Adrien’s mom has been hiding in the closet the entire time and sneaks out to grab the Peacock Miraculous

OR maybe an entirely unknown woman shows up, gets the thing out of Gabe’s safe and BOOM!  Instant bigger bad, who also happens to be Hawky’s boss.

...or maybe Le Paon was there the entire time and we’re all going to smack our foreheads because we’ve been missing the hints since Season 1

Bonus:

Remember this guy from the spoilers that some people are saying is proof that Gabriel is not Hawkmoth because this is Gabriel?

Yeah, that guy.  I’m pretty sure that’s Gabriel.  He looks just like him.  But...you know who else he looks like?

Gabriel could still be Hawkmoth.  If we’re going by the trope this entire post is about, the big bad doesn’t usually come in until the original villain suffers a defeat.  Say, Hawkmoth gets defeated by Le Paon at the end of Season 2 and then she makes him into an akuma.

It would make perfect sense.  If Le Paon is Mama Agreste, he would no longer need the Ladybug and Cat Miraculouses to bring her back and, therefore, no longer need to be Hawkmoth.  If it’s anyone else, I doubt he’d follow them willingly.  Gabe is collecting crap behind that safe, hence “The Collector”.

He has Gabe’s hair, stripes and color scheme, but Hawkmoth’s lapels, gloves and suit.  He also has some corruption of his tie, where the Miraculous would be if he were Hawky.  My guess is that Gabriel’s going to refuse to get his son’s Miraculous and Le Paon is going to somehow turn him into an akuma to go “collect” it.

Or something...I dunno.  All we can do at this point is speculate.  But it’s so much damn fun! :D

[derenyanai]

Ashes of The Old World: Gurag’s Funeral Service

Characters: Gurag

Posts indented like this were typed by the GM.

Posts that are not indented were typed by the player.

Wake 1, Act I: Brisk Cruise

Gurag you had won a free cruise ticket from Tiné on Devito that’s headed to Brisk free a summer get away, fresh and full of food ale and party passing by the VOID for some neat viewing pleasure, because Devito and its population just have no fucks to give and just wanna have fun, and for some reason or another you find yourself on this boat sailing away. 

The smell of ocean is nice and crisp, the skies are bright and clear, the sun is shining and some drunk asshole is naked and unconscious on the stern of the ship.

I look over toward the drunk naked asshole, feeling a bit obligated to help the fellow out. Since he's unconscious, I am going to go ahead and drag him toward the center of the ship so he wouldn't fall out into the water. Can I do that?

Yes you may, and him and his elf ass are pretty light so a roll isn't even required, a groggly moaning about "goblin stealing his teeth" as he's dragged.  

What?! A drunk elf? Man... the role reversals are at play here. I casually drag him toward the center of the boat, but not directly into the rooms and whatnot, just away from the edges. I look around to find a giant blanket to cover the drunkard with.

>Roll Perception

You'd think there'd be some giant cloth lying around on this boat, being some weird cruise party looking at void boat, but no, just tablecloths on tables and sails on the boat itself, all in use.

Well, I don't see how I can cover this drunk elf, I don't think I can help this elf even further. Urgh, I needed to get away from the happy go village and going to Bricket on a cruise was the ticket to that. With a grunt, I made my way around the cruise, seeing if there's anything interesting I can interact with.

As a cruise ship there is numerous amount of cabins for people to stay in, tables all along the boat holding food, and occasionally people, such as this blue kobold staring wistfully out at sea like some kind of dramatic lil shit.

I observe the blue kobold a bit as I head toward the tables of food. I am actually quite famished. As I made my way there, I expect there would be some sort of fruit or vegetable to consume upon. Picking up one of them, I began to bite into them as I looked at the blue kobold, is there anything he's actually looking at? An island, an animal? Or just the horizon of the blue sea?

I dunno let’s take a look.....Shit fam prolly the sea. Water is pretty neat.

Okay, so I walk next to the kobold quietly and then finally ask, "What are you thinking about?" I ask, curiously.

"AH! HOLY SHIT!!!" The kobold stumbles, suddenly jumping up surprise and landing directly on their kobold butt.

I turn toward the kobold, slightly concerned for their sake. I munch on the fruit quietly, "Sorry, I didn't mean to frighten you." I offered my free hand to help them up.

"You look like you came from heck here to pull my soul out my spine, frightening me was gonna happen" The kobold takes the deepest breath, and the longest exhale, grabbing Gurag’s hand.

I pull this kobold up and then looked at them for few moments. "So, one way ticket to Brisk or you'll be turning around and heading back home?"

"Well I'll be turning around but not on this boat, think it'll be gone by the time I’m finished what I’m doing" The kobold does an answer. 

”I'm Venison Stoneshark" shaking the hand you gave her.

"Name is Gurag." I replied back, "Hm, it seems like I am not the only one who is leaving the cruise once we dock. Personal business, I take it?"

"Yeah, gonna go visit my sister. She keeps sending me mail tied to a rocks...there just this pile in the corner of my house" Venison chuckles "What you headed to Brisk for?"

"Well, I got a free ticket to Brisk. I have been searching for someone for a long time. Couldn't find them back at home, so decided to try another island to see if I could find them again."

Venison looks Gurag up and down "Given...what your wearing...you collecting a bounty?"

"Surprisingly, no. I am armed to teeth in case if this person I am looking for actually got kidnapped."

"Must be a pretty important person to go through all this trouble" Venison comments, as the sky suddenly gets darker, the winds whipping around like a...whip, thunder cackling without clouds in the sky, Venison becoming startled again, fortunately not falling over this time.

I look around to find the source of the cloudless storm that's brewing around the giant ship. I wonder what's going on around here. I look around to see if there's something quite large that may be casting a giant shadow over the cruise ship... or perhaps follow the source of the crackling of the thunders.

>Roll Perception

The cause becomes as clear as the VOID visible from your location, Thunder crackles just contantly bellowing out from it, loud and unrestrained, its unknown if the wind is coming from it as well but  its certianly there, the area becomes significantly darker the closer the boat sails in proximity towards it.

Is it possible that I have heard myths about this complete void?

>Roll History

It goes by so many names, The Pit, The Void, The Spot, That there big hole in the ocean, But collectively, this is where it happened. The event.

That which shattered a large continent into islands. Ending the old world with such unmatchable force and fury that the land has been scarred with the single most massive puncture wound, Ashes covering the shores of almost every island circled around it. 

Strangely despite the massive hole, no water ever falls in, it just stays there suspended at the edge. No one has figured out why.

I hastily rush toward the cockpit of the ship. I really hope the captain himself isn't drunk on alcohol. I did not work this very far just so I'd die on that land! "Captain! That's The Void! Steer the ship away from it!" I yell as I search for the bridge.

The bridge assumingly being at the front of the ship...cause this boat big you gotta see where you going.

 A man with the most fashionable goddamm hat turns and look at Gurag from the wheel. "I dunno Laddie, Dis be clearly some other giant hole in thar ocean that i wouldn't be able to miss even if i be blind" A sarcastic groan.

"Why are we heading towards it!?“

"Other than the point of the cruise ta pass by the void, loop around and pass by again and stop at Brisk, The reason just escapes me, could it be tha coin that been paid from our gracious passengers? it be the coin yes" The captain sighs. "I be completely capable of keepin a safe stretch away from The Void, why must everyone ask, least you didn't run in here naked screaming about goblins stealing yer teeth"

Oy, there was a drunk elf muttering about goblins stealing their teeth earlier... no matter, that's not really important. "Then what's the point of endangering our life by sailing near The Void? Sightseeing tour!?"

"Yes actually, you're one of dem free ticketers ain’t ya" The captain frowns at Gurag. "Alright, ladie, tell ya what, I can give you a row boat and you can paddle yourself to land miles away while you wet your sissy pants, spooked of the big scary hole"

Orc's culture and urges to the the bravest, the strongest, rising.... "Steer the boat aside to safety, or I'll stab you and steer the boat myself."

>Roll Intimidate

"Fucking free ticketers, Go ahead steer the ship" The captain throws his hands up and just leaves the bridge.

I immediately run up to the bridge to steer the boat away from The Void! "Fuckin' senile seafarer..." I mutter quietly under my breath. 

Guess who doesn't have sea vehicle proficiency? :D 

[ oh fuck me, well... erm... what do I gotta roll? ]

>Roll that bad boi at a disadvantage

Unable to even slightly navigate the tides, the difficult whipping wind, or even this massive ship, it start careening toward the void.

Is there any other co-captains present that could be of an assistance?

There someone in the back of the bridge chewing an apple, leaning back in a chair and watching you. They also have a fashionable sailor hat.

"Hey, you! Can you help me out here?" He gestures toward the steering wheel of the boat, "I'd hate for us to die in The Void."

"Oh me too, that is a fate i'd love to avoid, but some mad man seems to have taken over the wheel scared off the captain, and seems dead set on steering as close as possible the fucking hole. if only he'd get the fuck out of the bridge and let us do our job" they don't sound even slightly happy.

I am not really happy about this but... I cross my arms and then stepped aside, "Just don't have us head to the freaking The Void again.”

"Never was the plan, just getting close enough to see it, and curving the fuck away, and oh look we're close enough to see it, guess what we we're going to do until you got here?"

She lifts her arm and points to the door of the bridge. "Out"

With a grumble, I leave the bridge quietly and then stepped out of the bridge. I head down the stairs and then just went to the table once more to get a giant leg of cooked turkey and grab a bite out of it. I focus my eyes over The Void to ensure that they aren't driving us to our death. Something about The Void is very unnerving.

The ship is sailing away now, going directly to Brisk now since one of the passengers is very aggressive about it.

Venison in the distance looking at the sea again.

A dull flop sound suddenly, against the floor of the ship, like something squishy hit into it.

As long as they head straight for the Bri- what was that? I looked around to see what the sound was coming from. I headed toward the source of the sound very closely to investigate.

When you head down to the source there is...something strange that’s flopped onto the ship, It...Its looks like a weird amalgamation of parts attached to some kind of pink squishy thing.

Okay, I see the weird jelly fish thing. I immediately call attention to others about this creature thing. Assuming it's already dangerous from its otherworldly appearance. I withdrew my (spellbound?) sword and poise myself as I prepare for battle.

A second one flops onto the ship, from visibly directly upward.

>Roll Initiative

These strange creature suddenly attack two passengers closest, and they drop like a sack of potatoes.

>Gurag’s Turn  

I dash past the passengers in front of me to get closer to the thing! I cast Thunderwave.

You unleash a thunderous blast as it erupts loudly knocking one of the creatures ten feet away, and mildly damaging the other as they both wriggle painfully.

>Their Turn

One of them dissappears suddenly, as the other flees away. The passengers that had been attacked suddenly stands straight up.

>Gurag’s Turn

Well, that was a bit strange... I am slightly concerned about that. Anyway! I head straight after the small creature! Before I do anything, I have a question. I do have a spellbound weapon, correct?

Well yes, what is the weapon you choose to bond to?

As of now, only the Scimitar.

Well you can summon out of nowhere as long as you are bonded to it, and it’s literally impossible to take away from you.

Good, that answers everything I wanted to know. In that case, I run toward this creature and hurl my scimitar at it from afar.

So that would be improvised weaponry with dex?

Pretty much.

The damage roll would be 1d6, right?

Same as the melee dmg.

It go over the creatures, like a pillow made of sword and lands harmlessly in front of it and it looks down at it and looks back at you and then back at the weapon, Turning around at you on-

>Its Turn

The creature runs right up to you attempting to slash at you with weird claws, Not getting through you dank armor at all, seeing this is fruitless it looks right up at your head despite the lack of eyes.

>Roll Int. Saving Throw

You don’t know what it was trying to do but it actually looks legitimately scared of you.

I recover my scimitar and then bring the sword down on the creature with an intent to kill! TWICE. (Using Fighter's Action Surge, I think?)

Ye its good 

>Roll Away

Half of your two strikes land against the creature cutting against its flesh, and it shudders and shakes in pain, no noise, it doesn't appear to able to cry in pain with mouth.

>Its Turn

It attempts to flee again, an attack of opportunity is available.

Yeah, I am going to fling my scimitar at it as it runs away again.

[I mean you can use melee, but if you wanna throw it]

[ I wanna throw it as it tries to flee for flavor ]

It lands square into and through the squishy pink bit, pinning it to the floor and it stops moving.

Alright, good, I assume it's dead... now... where did the other one go? I looked around and then narrowed my eyes. Hm, it has to be here somewhere... I head over to the woman and then inspect her wounds.

>Roll Medicine

Her cuts looks pretty deep, its likely she might bleed out if these aren't treated, and she look on the verge of tears. "Ow ow ow, I just wanted to go on a cruise, why can't anything ever go my way..."

"Hey, no touching the wound. We don't want to get that infected. We don't know what that thing was. Let me see if I can dress that wound for you. Can you move and sit in the seat, yeah?" I motioned toward the seat next to her, I also look over to someone nearby, "Can someone get me alcohol? Anything with alcohol, oh, and a needle."

The passengers are being about as helpful as they can.  

>Roll Medicine at advantage

"Much thanks." I asked as I took the alcohol and then just took a swig of it and then exhaled sharply, "That's really strong. Sorry about this." I said as I pulled a small piece of cloth from my waist to retrieve a makeshift thread out of it and then proceed to dress the wound...

You does a good stabilize. She’s sniffling as you stitch her up, but eventually says "Thank you"

"Don't thank me, I did my best. I am no doctor. All I did is stop the bleeding. You really, really need to see the doctor."

"I'll see if i can't find the him..or her. Thank you so much" She gives you a big hug and trails off in search of medical meme dank.

"Right then.... erm..." I turn back to the rest of the folks on the dock near me, "Back to your partying. Let's try and avoid The Void as much as possible, eh? It's safe to guess that these creatures came from there."

The passengers nod and get fukin wasted, drinkin the alcohol, dancing and making the sweet music noises with a instrument.

Is there anything you gonna do in the amount of days until your arrival at brisk?

Options include but are not limited to:

{1} getting also wasted   

{2} nothing   

{3} getting super wasted   

{4} Doing a slep   

{5} Contemplating the structure of the universe and everyone's place within the great machine, each their own cog, turning the wheels of fate, inexorably changing the world with even the small actions, as they go about their lives, their goals, and their dreams   

{6} reading a book    

{7} writing a book    

{8} booking a vacation for your book     

{9} ????

I choose 9! If there's nothing interesting, I'll choose a 4, to gain a short rest.

>Roll hit die if you choose, although i don’t think you even lost health

Nothing interesting at the moment, you return to your assigned cabin and acquire yourself some rich sleps, the sleps of kings, the kind of slep that really didn't need to be interrupted by a sudden scream a couple hours later, but that’s just what happens with king sleps, sometimes people do a screm and wake people up.

[TO BE CONTINUED]

[one-shoop]

I just had basically a panic attack or whatever over my dad calling for dinner. Oh but who would guess being singled out by a scream "FLOOOOOF! COME EEEAT!" every freaking night and told "COME ON HONEY" and "DID YOU HEEEEAR?" "FLOOOOOF?" "FLOOOF? ANSWEEEER?" doesn't give me, the girl who's terrified of eating to the point where she skips meals almost everyday, panic attacks. Dear god i cant freaking eat dad, I CANT EAT BECAUSE IT TRIGGERS MY GODDAMN OCD. But nooooooo. Apparently nobody bothered to ask me my triggers or even do some research after my diagnosis. And forgive me lord if Im not enthusiastic about explaining it myself becase EVERY GODDAMN TIME I TOLD SOMEONE THEY FORCED ME TO DO IT ANYWAYS. Told me "but the food is gooood" and "come oon, you need to eeeeeat" like i stg i'm so fucking tired

Of people telling me for an hour and a half to come fuck myself over with triggers and panic all the way and not be able to eat and be ashamed of myself and feel weak and unable to do anything. Like Jesus guys IT TRIGGERS MY OCD. MEANING THAT I CANT FUCKING EAT PEACEFULLY. I SONT GIVE A SINGLE FUCK IF ITS GOOD OR NOT. ITLL SCARE ME TO FUCKING HELL.

And yeah, for supportive parents they sure are doing the fucking lords job right? After fucking up myself to ask fir help thar never vame and was always denied or stripped to its bare minimums then told to accept that as tje ultimate help, I finally ficking tet someone who validates me and gives me a diagnosis. Ans yoy funky get fuckjng told to your faces that FORCING KIDS TO FACE THEOR FEARS IS THE WORST THING FOR THEIR HEALTH. And MAYBE if you knew anything at fucking all you'd fucking realize that when I HAVE NEVER ASKED FOR HELP OUT OF FEAR OF BEING SHAMED FOR IT, maybe is your fault???? And maune it impedes on mh recovery???? And maube i shouldn't be the only one to fucking take stepd to retake that???? Im all foe fu king getting the help I gucking need but for fucks sake cant any of you look like you can more for, I dunno, fucking parenting, other than whatever fycking meal you're having???? Is it roo kuch to ask to help me retake my right to asking for the hospital since its been mentioned at that same fucking meeting we talk about that I've tried asking for goddamn help and you said no????

Like you had a goddamn professional tell you that WHEN YOUR KIDS WANT HELP, YOU CANT DENY IT. And that by pretending that I jad to tough it up, you fucked me up way more. And thw most I got was a half assed sentence of "BUT IM PLACING ALL THE BLAME ON MYSELF, ITS UNHEALTHY" as fucking soon as the goddamn bells rang.

Like you had the nerve to ACXUSE ME of NOT asking for help and fucking NOT telling you anything. Ans believe it or not I STILL FUCLING THOUGHT THAT about a second ago. But honestly? WHY THE FUCK SHOULD ANULNE BE HONORABLY FORCED TO ASK FOR HELO THAT TJEU KNOW WILL NEGER VOME??? JUST SO YOU CAN SAY I WAS THE PERFECT VICTIM WHO STILL BELIEVED IN YOU???? BECAUSE AFTER ALL THIS CRAP, AFTER BEING TOLD THE TRUTH, THE FIRS TTHING IM TOLD WHEN WE GET OUT IS THAT I NEED "TO TRUST YOU MORE"? AND "TELL YOU ABOUT MY FEELINGS?" am I someone's fucking puppet here??? Do you just want ro ficking play with me until youre done?????

Like what the fuck???? YOU THOUGHT I "DID THE WRONG THING" BY NOR ASKING COR HELP. BUT YOU SONS OF DEMONS, YOU HAVE ALWAYS KNOWN YOUR PHILOSOPHY WAS THAT FUCKED UP PIECE OF MENTALITY FROM THE GODDAMN FARK AGES THAT YOU NEED TO TELL YOUR KIDS TO FUCK OFF. OKAY??? YPU KNEW THAT ENOIGJ TO EXPLAIN IT IN BARF-INCUDING CLARITY HOW APPARENTLY ONE SINGLE GUCKING BOOK ON ANXIETY IN KDIS WAS ENOUGB TO RID YOU OF YOUR ENTIRE HUMAN BRAIN AND SUDDENLY IT DIDNT MATTER HOW MUCH WE CRIED AND BEGGED AND GELT ALONE AND NEEDED YOUR SHIR COMFORT, TOU DIDNT CARE???? WELL FUESS WHAT???? THE FIRS TTHING YOU TELL ME WHEN SHE SPEAKS, BLESS THWT DOCTIR, IS THAT I DONT EVEN ASK FOR HELP. and bless me I told them YO I ASKED FOR THE HOSPITAL AND YOU TOLD ME I WASNT SICK ENOUGH. AND YOU BOTH HAD THE GODDAMN MIND TO REFUTE IT. UNTIL MOM TOLD DAD TO STOP BEXAUSE "SHES RIGHT, ITS OUR FAULT, OUR BAD".

Like what the fuck??? Tou already knew that you wouldn't have given any help anyways??? Why the fuck am I even supposed to fucking ask??? Why did you EVER tell me to ask??? Was ir so you could feel fucking welcome??? So you could feel so fucking badass and awesome telling me the goddamn word of light exquisite and God Almighty in his tree in heaven that "FIND AOLUTIONS AND STOP CRYING"???? OR, NO, WAIT, EZCUSE ME, WAD I SUPLOSED TO COME SEE YOU SO YOU COULD PEP-TALK ME INTO FUCKING OFF FROM FEELINGS LAND AND "FIND SOLUTIONS"??? Did you want to feel like you gave me comfort without actually giving me some??????

Like what the fuck???????????? And -- why the FUCK foes it STILL appear smart tp tell me to fucking TELL YOU SHIT? GUYS I TOLD TOU MORE SHOT I WAS LEGALLY ONLIGATED TO. YOU CAME TO MEET MY THERAPISTS. YOU GOT THE BRIEFINGS WITH ME WHEN I INVITED YOU. YOU GOT TO SEE MY PSYCHIATRIST, AND MY DOSSIER, AND MY MEDS. I TOLD YOU I NEEDED A LISTENING EAR AND NOT AFVICE, I TOLD YOU I FELT SCARED SOMETIMES OF EATING, I TOLD YOU ABOUT MY OBSESSIONS, I ASKED YOU IF I COULD GO TO BE HOSPITALIXED BECASUE OCD GOT TOO BAD.

And you laughed at my fuccking obsessions. When i was a kid my biggest trigger was barfing, and bile. And guess fucking what? You fucking laughed around and invented the worst fucking single thing ever to say "fuck you get better" which was switching the goddamn syllables together and fuckinf singing it to me like it was fine now. Fucking laughing at me whenever ai had goddamn panic attacks. I diagnosed my own goddamn trigger at, what, ten? BUT I NEGER ASKED FOR HELP BECAUSE YOU FUCKINF LAUGHED AT ME EVERYTIME I CLOSED MY EYES AND MY EARS AND PANICKED TO CHANGE THE TOPIC. I WAS FUCKING UNCOMFORTABLE. I COULD NOT BEAR IT. AND WHEN YOU SAW A TERRIFIED CHILD, YOU SID NOTHING EXCEPT LAUGH AND SAY "there, now they're done with talking, tou can stop closing your ears now". YOU FUCLING NOTICED JN THE WORST WAY POSSUVLR. I REGRET SHOWING YOU THE FIRST ENTRY I MADE ON THIS. I WAS SO ASHAMED OF IT. I THOUGHT IT EAS WRONG. OR SHAMEFUL. AND -- GUESS WHAT? I THOUGHT IT WAS YNIQUE TO MEZ TOO. IT WA THE SINGLE MOSR SCARY TJING IN MY EXIDTENCE. MY CHEST BURNED AND SQUINTED AND I FELT JOT AND I CRIED AND VRIED AND BEGGED AND YELLED IN MY HEAD FOR PEOPLE TO STOP, IN THE BUS, AT SCHOOL, AT HOME. AND IF YOUD BEEN SLIGHTLY GIOD AT YOUR FUCKINF JOB I MOGHT HAVE TOLD YOU FUVKASSES. BHT NO. AND GUEDS WHAT? UNLESS WHST YOUVE FUCKING TOLD ME, BEING IN PAIN IS NOT ONLY VALID OR UNSHAMEFUL WHEN YOU ASK ADULRS WHAT TO DO. FOR HOW FUCLING LONG HACE I BEEN TOLD THAT PAIN DOESNT MATTER UNLESS AN ADULT IS ON THE CASE? HOW LONG HACE U WANRED SOMEWHRRE WHERE GODDAMN ADULTS DIDNT FUCK YOU OVER? DIDNT CONTR EVERY THOUGHT YOH HAD? WHERE SAYING "YOURE WRONG" ISNT AN INSULT? WJERE KIDS ARENT JUST DENIED A COICE BECAUSE THEYRE KIDS?

Ughhhhh.how many times should I get convinced that your help is worth crap? That searching for your goddamn advice and "comfort" is of any goddamn help? That what shit you give me is actually good enough?? What this it worth my time? That I should be looking at myself??? That i should be squinting and hating myself???? That I'm not worth saving??? That -- goddamnit. God fucking samn jt. Goddamnit im so done with all these excuses. I'm so fucking -- I wanted help, I wanted love, I wanted excuses and loce and light and fear and farkness and friends and family and I cant even talk anymore. I cant talk from myf eeljngs anu.kre. I have ti go on goddamn instinct because my goddamn vortex is fucked up. I realize I eas incpaable of having a mental nature by myself at 8. When I eas alone, I couldn't feel anything. I felt aimless, I just felt nothing. I couldnt bring myself to feel anything. I ducking mtocied that, and yes, tou noticed to, but your goddamn reaction was to tell me to get a life and stop obsessing about that friend I used to play with and just learn to do shit myself and do shit on my own. (Basically, to my own stupid ass brain, this trainwreck of a sentence means I was like a kid who needed autonomy from their parents and needed to learn their life was their own.) Bur yeah!!!! Whenever I was alone I didnt give a shit!!!! I felt aimless!!! Lost!!! Shitty!!!!! And when I first saw myself as a disgusting hump of crap I was 10, I wss running happily and sang a song about witches ans I saw myseld in my head and god I looked like garbage and I hated it. I hated what I looked like. I resented the idea that people had to see me. I thought, why do people even stay with me, I'm disgusting. I can never pinpoint the reason becauee yes, my brain is that fucked-up. Someday it will be back.

But seriously. Does anyone else have old stores from early teens where everyone kept fuclibg Escalon without telling their parents?where kids didnt go home? Where the bes tthi g ws just leaving forever? Anyone think the second arc of Warriors was the bestBEXAUE THEY LEAVE and you KNOW they'll leave and you KNOW things are always better and sorry Leafpaw bur I hated tour arc like goddamn shit itself because SCREW THE CLANS, I hate them and I wanted ro leave anywhere that ft like home.

What do kids feel about their homes? Do fhey ever wish they moved? Do they ever seriously ask themselves why the fuck anyone would want to live here? Do they find it unnapealing? Are you supposed go be HAPPY to come home after a trip? Are you supposed to feel completely shitty from coming back, like a failure? Like you weren't supposed to come back, you were supposed to stay awau forever?

Did any kids have zero track of time? Did any kids watch old videos from babytime and realize that there's just something fucking terrifying about it without knowing fucking why?

I saw a kid watch a video on repeat of her dad doing something random like, an old baby recording from when the kud was running in the hallway and he caught her. She watched it on repeat for so, so long , until her phone stopped working I think. And i Remember being touched in a way I neger knew possible, and telling myself from the top of my ripe old 13th year, well thars not something ive ever done or wanted to do. I remember going, why the fuck would you do that? Aren't you happy hes gone? Aren't you happy to be gone?

I remember being straight terrified of my paternal grandmother at 5 only to realize yeara later that she used to be violent and terribly abusive to everyone. I remember being terrified of my aunt's husband, and feeling something undescribable that felt lile a stabbing wound in my aunt's eyes, until I finally learned that he used to beat her. I remembwr hating Éric Salvail for some reason and being really u comfortable around him until BAM, guess who was a goddamn creep and sexual harrassment pro? This guy. I remember so many fucking things that made me uncomfortable and it turned out to be right, about people at least.

But I remember hating my own picture for as long as I can remember. My face unsettles me. I never fully write why, or go to the end of my thoughts. I have problems, I know. I hope knowing what they are will help.

[misscasper3]

50 Questions To Ask A Girl If You Want To Know Who She Really Is

Found this article online awhile back and finally feel like answering the questions

1. What’s one thing that’s happened to you that has made you a stronger person? Leaving an abusive 6 year ‘relationship’

2. What’s one thing that’s happened to you in your life that made you feel weak? When I was 12 I was kicked out of my parents house which I believe is the start to my fucked up need to be loved and needed by someone else.

3. Where is one place you feel most like yourself? My apartment

4. Where is your favorite place to escape to? The woods or under 5 layers of blankets in my bed

5. Who do you think has had the largest influence on the person you are today? My dad ❤

6. If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be? To be able to shut my brain off and cool down. I overthink every detail that someone says or does and I think I create issues that weren’t there. Also Id get a nose job if I could lol

7. If you had one day left to live, what would you do first? Any thought that I kept to myself, I would say it to the people it was meant for and then walk away before the person could respond back. Then, after everyone hates me lol, I would hop on the next flight to Los Angeles, go to the beach, and sit in the ocean until the end of my last day.

8. What decade do you feel you most belong in? I dont see what’s wrong with living in the time I am now??

9. Who are you closest to in your family? Why? Probably my Dad. I lived with him for a long time and he was there for me for every milestone I reached. He always took my side when things went wrong, and always was there for ANYTHING I needed, without question.

10. Who is the one person in this world that knows you best? I couldn’t answer thar exactly. Certain people know certain things about me.>

11. What is your favorite quality about your best friend? She’s there to listen when I need to rant. Even when I’m being stupid.

12. When you were younger what did you think you were going to be when you grew up? A singer for awhile. Then I wanted to be an interior decorator, but I dont think I really understood what the job really was. I just liked rearranging my room all the time.

13. If you could identify with one fictional character (from a book, show, or movie) who would it be? This question requires way too much thought. I have no clue.

14. Do you easily accept compliments? Or do you hate compliments? I dont see what’s wrong with compliments, I just don’t know how to respond sometimes so my words may come out weird.

15. Is your favorite attribute about yourself physical or non-physical? Non

16. What is your favorite physical attribute about yourself? I like my skinny waist and wider hips. *I would have said hair color, but I wasn’t exactly born with purple hair so I dont think that counts*

17. What is your favorite non-physical attribute about yourself? I am understanding. I try to look at the whole picture instead of the current situation.

18. Do you believe in love at first sight? No. You cant love someone truly until you know them inside and out.

19. Do you believe in soul mates? I dunno. I believe some people definitely are meant to be in someones lives for a purpose, whether to teach a lesson and go or to participate and stay.

20. How seriously do you take horoscopes? I dont want to believe that the time and place I was born is supposed to judge my personality/fate.

21. Have you ever been in love? How many times? I have been in love. Twice. The first time I dont think could really count though since it ended up being a Catfish story. Does it count? If it doesnt,then once.

22. What makes you fall in love with someone? when they can make me laugh and forget about my bad day(s). Also if they aren’t judgmental of my actions and they try to understand why I do the things I do. Really like when people aren’t judges of my every move.

23. What does vulnerability mean to you? What has the ability to make you vulnerable? Ugh.. Vulnerable to me means, helpless. Needy. Small. A diary that was opened without permission. Bringing up hurtful times makes me vulnerable. Bringing up stupid things I’ve done, or times I’ve fucked up makes me vulnerable. The people who are the closest to me, who know a lot about my past are the ones that are able to break me down in that way.

24. What’s one thing you’re scared to ask a man, but really want to? why is it such a big deal for you guys to “be the man” in situations. Why do you feel that you have to prove your manliness?

25. If you were a man for a day, what would be the first thing you do? Shave my head with clippers. Its socially acceptable for guys to be bald haha

26. What do you find most attractive about each sex? I really like how guys are just bigger than females. Like big bears standing next to a tiny bunny. The size difference I think. I think its weird if a guy is the same size as me. Girls are obviously more sensitive and emotional, so. I guess I’ll pick that as my answer.

27. What’s one thing you’d love to learn more about? How the brain works basically. Like what makes people do or feel things. The science side behind depression or happy feelings.

28. What is something you’ve never done that you’ve always wanted to do? Travel out of country. Be brave enough to go on a trip alone. Zip line.

29. Why haven’t you done it yet? Mostly money. But I am just nervous for some reason. I think I just dont trust myself to make certain decisions by myself because a lot of times when you go somewhere new, you obviously dont know the area so you’re kind of guessing on where to go, what to do.

30. If money didn’t matter, what would your dream job be? Doing behind the scenes runway hair/makeup, photoshoots. Movies.

31. If you had off from work today, what would you do? I would go to the beach.

32. What was the last thing that made you cry? A fight between my boyfriend and I.

33. What was the last thing that made you laugh? I dont remember exactly.

34. What is your favorite memory? My dad making a speech at my graduation party about how proud he was of me and then he started tearing up

35. What’s the last thing that REALLY embarrassed you? I can’t think of anything that I really cared enough about to make me feel embarrassed.

36. What is your biggest fear? Being a loser in life. Giving up on goals because of my internal battles with myself. Being alone in life overall. I enjoy my alone hours, but I’m talking about fearing being alone IN GENERAL.

37. Do you have any regrets? What’s your biggest one? When I was about 13, 14ish I let my boyfriend at the time tell me I can’t be friends with a certain person. He made me cut off ties in order to stay in a relationship with him.. I regret so much that happened on that day. What I said to that person was hurtful…It hurt me to say those words and I know it hurt that person too. I was literally crying as i was telling this person to leave me alone because I didnt want to say goodbye yet I felt obligated to listen to my then boyfriend for some reason. I caused so much pain to that person that effected things down the road and I can never take it back… And I regret not answering him back when he texted me on holidays. I regret not taking his number when my mom offered it to me. I regret so many things that happened to that person because of me.

38. Have you ever broken a law? If you haven’t what is one law you’d love to break? I mean I’ve got two speeding tickets. I’ve gone in “private property” places just out of curiosity.

39. What is the craziest thing you’ve ever done? I’m not a risk taker.

40. Would you have a conversation with a stranger? I do everyday at work.

41. Would you tell a stranger they have toilet paper hanging from their shoe? Or their dress tucked into their underwear? (Or anything else that is embarrassing to be seen in public)? Yes definitely. If that happened to me, I’d want someone to tell me.

42. What’s your favorite joke? Dunno

43. Are you a dog person or a cat person? I love both but lean towards cats.

44. If you could be any animal, what animal would you be? A bird so I can fly wherever I want.

45. What’s one show, movie, or book, you’re embarrassed to admit you enjoy? I used to like Bates Motel.

46. How do you think your parents would describe you as a child? Girly girl. Picky. Hard working (Mom just told me last week).

47. If you could go back to any age or time of your life, what age or time would it be? I was just thinking this in the car. Usually when people wanna go back, they say a happy time. I 100% cannot think of a time that I was so so happy and stayed happy longer than one or two days. Even if I was enjoying myself that day, there was ALWAYS something inside at the end of the day that just ate away at my soul hiding behind the ‘happy moment’.. This thought seriously depresses me.

48. What’s something you believe in that not everyone else does? I believe that when you are with someone, you are not 100% committed if you are okay with looking at other girls/guys and seeing them in a sexual way. Other people say “as long as they dont touch, its ok” or “nothing is wrong with just looking” but I believe it is fucking wrong on so many levels because that is showing desire for someone else other than the significant other. Call me prude or whatever the fuck you want.

9. What’s one thing you would say that makes you unique from other people? My brother told me that I am ALWAYS somehow able to pull myself out of every fucked up situation I’ve been in. Idk, does that really count as unique..? I guess something else would be that I literally put my entire soul into someone when I am in a relationship. I would do anything for that person. Is that unique?

50. What is one thing you feel your life is missing?  I feel like I’ve lost my passion for almost everything. I used to be so sure of myself and proud of what I wanted to do with my life and now its all a big question mark. My life is missing set goals and passion for doing something with it.