#Dude she don't care i fear

[nikatyler]

me: whew a whole day of adulting tomorrow

me: ...

me: time to turn my simself into a vampire

[starpros-sunshine]

You know. I'm part of the fraction "to each their own and let people handle their lives however they see best fit". But I do feel the need to say that I have seldom seen such an idiotic assumption as that breaking up with someone four days before someone's birthday when you also want that someone to do something for their birthday even though you know you and your soon-to-be-ex will both have to be there won't end with that person just not doing anything with anyone for their birthday. Partially because nobody wants that kind of awkwardness after a fresh breakup and also because the soon-to-be-ex has the lovely habit of wallowing in self pity and making everything about how they have it so bad. You know I just think in such cases you should've waited a week with the breakup. I don't care how much you want to fuck that other guy but I really think you should've waited a week.

[bunkernine]

society if hoo had them at uni age and the lost trio went to chb and chiron is like "how tf are ANY of u alive and unclaimed". wilderness was just community college.

[pyro-les]

Jealousy- Rio Vidal X Reader

918 words - warnings: none

Based on a request by @baysha1822

"You know, Agatha put together a pretty good coven, you gotta give her that."

"I don't know the green witch is pretty weird. She's definitely hiding something." Jen replies, Lilia and Alice humming in agreement. Rio was definitely the most suspicious of the group and considering they had a witch who had a rune hiding their identity and one of the most feared witches of all time, literally known for killing her own coven it was a pretty high bar.

"We're doing alright on strength though, Y/N is clearly pretty powerful." Lilia adds to the discussion.

"Pretty cute too." Alice replies, everyone agreeing yet again as they look behind them to Y/N strolling casually along the road while chatting to Teen. What they didn't realise was Rio walking ahead of them was listening to their conversation her anger steadily growing.

She may not have known most of the coven long but she was really starting to dislike them, how dare they start talking about Y/N like that? Did they not realise who they were messing with?

Sitting around a small campfire in attempt to bond Y/N poses a new discussion topic, "what did you guys do in the blip?". A loaded topic to say the least.

The group all pause for a moment, fearing she had said something wrong Y/N started to speak again "You don't have to answer that. I don't know why I asked that, I'm sorry." For someone so powerful she sure could be pretty shy.

The awkward tension dissapears as soon as it had arisen as the group start to chuckle, mixed responses of "don't worry hun.", and "no harm done hot stuff" each reply more flirtatious then the last.

"Well as you know I was pretty busy at the start of it. Alot of backlog to get through you know." Rio spoke with a chuckle. The others all turned to look at her with curiosity, they were clearly missing something that Y/N seemed to know if her small laugh at Rio's responses was anything to go by.

"You're laughs so pretty" Jen says to Y/N, who muffles out a small "thanks, I guess." In reply. Considering how much Rio complemented the witch it was ridiculous just how awkward she was responding to them.

"It really is! Everything about you is pretty." Alice adds on honestly.

Oh this was too much, Rio thought. How dare these poor excuses for witches keep flirting with her Y/N? Did they not get the message the last gods knows how many times they tried to flirt with her only for Rio to pull her closer or change the topic.

Y/N looked over to Rio, sensing her tension rising. Trying to help calm her she says to the rest of the coven "thanks but you guys really don't need to keep complementing me so much."

Taking her statement as Y/N simply being humble Jen takes an extra step too far, " Oh your cute, do you really think you don't deserve the praise? I'm starting to think you actually don't get compliments anywhere near enough if your response is anything to go by."

Now seething with anger Rio steps in "Do you really think that? That I wouldn't compliment her enough, that I'm not enough?!"

"Chill out dude, she's just being nice" Alice replies quickly followed by Lilia asking "what do you mean, you're not enough?" Clearly the only one to pick up her specific wording other than Agatha who had been watching with a small smirk, enjoying watching the sparks fly.

Standing up with her knife in hand Rio starts to stalk towards the rest of the coven with a smile on her face "She told you to stop, is that not enough? I don't care if you're just "being nice", she's mine!"

Clearly not taking her seriously Jen keeps digging her grave "Oh I get it, you're jealous she'll like us more than you?" Looking over to Y/N still sitting awkwardly on the log across from her she adds on "what do you say cutie?"

Bringing her knife right to her throat Rio seethes out "Enough! Do you really have no care for your own life? Is this really how you'd like to go? Because I'd be more than happy to assist if that's your plan." Lilia and Alice watch with baited breath, too scared to do anything while Agatha still watches from the side letting out the occasional laugh.

Jen just smiles up at Rio, maybe she really did have a death wish.

Finally stepping in again Y/N walks towards Rio and snakes her arms around her waist hushing in her ear "It's ok baby."

Leaning back into Y/N's touch, Rio starts to calm down a bit but not letting go of her knife currently still against Jen's throat as a small drip of blood starts trailing down her chest. Y/N runs one of her hands along Rio's arm, slowly going up to hold her hand gripping her dagger and bringing her hand away from Jens throat.

Finally calm Rio puts her dagger back in it's sheath and turns towards Y/N, her hands automatically going to her waist.

"Well that was fun." Agatha finally speaks up, breaking the silence.

"What was?" Teen asks, walking towards the group, looking over curiously to Rio and Y/N now standing close together side by side.

Laughing Alice replies "Oh you have missed so much kid."

A/N: this is my first AAA fic and I wrote it pretty fast so I apologise if any of the characters a bit OOC. That being said if you did enjoy it please let me know if you'd like more Rio fics and if you have any requests my askbox is open:)

[nemesyaaa]

do revenge // mean!rafe cameron x camdoll!reader

summary ; you were tired and sick of the hell life the well-known kook prince give you. so after being for so long his favorite victim, you decided to fight back.

warnings : dark content. insecurities. revenge plot. bully!rafe. poker face!rafe. sick behavior and toxic attitude. smut. oral(m. receiving). dollification. blackmailing. dubcon. shitty kooks behavior. bad thoughts. quickly mentions of some kinks. self-justice. pogue/kook hate/unfair dynamic. free hate. masked reader. threatening. power imbalance. baddie attitude. minors dni. please, be careful with the warnings.

author's note : the girl on the gifs is not a faceclaim, it's only to show what kinda mask she wear. it's the first time i think i do something like that so......and it's a one-shot, so it's maybe a little too long 💀

you worked as a waitress in a small restaurant. you hated this job but you had to make money and today the place was a little empty so you thought you could relax but that was before Rafe showed up with his gang of kooks. you had started shaking as soon as you saw them. you felt so small and trapped, your breath sped up. there was like a lack of air in your lungs because you knew how rafe was with you, how much he hated you but above all, how much he loved to humiliate you. it was his favorite pleasure: being cruel to you. and damn, he knew how to hurt you better than anyone. he must have broken so many things in you, your ego, your heart, your self-esteem, your confidence, your joy of living that you wondered how you were still standing in his presence.

with a tense smile, you approached them because you also couldn't escape the group. you hugged your notepad to your chest, pressing tightly the page against your breasts. you were about to open your mouth when rafe cut you off.

“i understand better why this restaurant is so empty…” he commented, looking you up and down. “ but what i don’t get is why you haven’t been fired yet when you’re scaring customers away.”

“apparently not everyone since you're here...." that was what you wanted to answer but you preferred to kill yourself rather than make a remark to rafe that was going to cost you your life. and you wouldn't want to give him this pleasure.

“have you chosen what you want? ” you said, addressing everyone, preferring to ignore the leader of the kooks group.

“it’s so cheap here. ” he had commented. “ very cheap. ” from his insistent look, you understood that he was including you in his criticism. he was very childish.

you nervously tighten your grip on your pen. of all rafe's friends, topper seemed the most sensitive to what you were going through but he always stayed quiet. this idiot finally ordered cocktails. the words had to be ripped out of his mouth.

when you came back with the drinks, you delicately placed them on the table. you were embarrassed by the way rafe stared at you like you had something on your face, like he was planning another nasty remark. and it didn't take long, because the next minute, he had managed to make you cry and made everyone laugh.

when you handed him his glass, he purposely knocked it to the ground.

“what are you waiting for, pogue? clean it. it's not like it's new to you, you're used to cleaning up other people's shit. "

burning tears started to come out of your eyes, you bit your trembling lip. your throat was tight, and you hated everything you were feeling right now. the shame, the humiliation, the fear, it destroyed you.

you brought something to clean before bending down. he hadn't apologized. he never did it anyway. you kept all this grudge inside of you, even if it killed you.

he picked up your rag with a smirk. “you don't need that when you can use your tongue. ”

you looked at him with wide eyes, as if you had heard wrong. topper had intervened before you did. “hey dude, no need to go that far.”

“shut up, topper. i really need to show you that all women are fucking dirty and disgusting sluts. so stop protecting them, and watch the show i put on for you. and for free. ”

"rafe...listen..." you said softly.

“you better listen to me if you don't want to be fired. you know how good i am at making your life hell.” you started to kneel down, bringing your face closer to the ground. “yes, you understand very easily, maybe you can show your ass to the camera too. record it, kelce. lick it well, sweetheart. don't want to see your ugly face on the screen. “

this day was the last straw. it was worse than anything. it was completely degrading and nasty.

and it was surely at that precise moment, that night to be exact, that everything had changed in you. that you had decided that this couldn't last, that you had to play into the enemy's game to defeat him, that sometimes you had to be unfair when he cheated, that when someone was bad, you had to be tougher and stronger.

it had been several years that you had endured criticism from rafe and kooks about your physique, your pogue condition, that your face was the center of mockery and the worst jokes, that it lasted to the point that you had surely become the funniest joke or meme in the island.

but you had grown up. you had prepared your revenge over several months. because you couldn't pretend it didn't affect you. but all the hatred you had felt for yourself had started to turn towards rafe, to give you a reason to live, a purpose because he had given you a furious and crazy idea.

he had humiliated you. and he was going to taste his own medicine.

deep down, you weren't just doing this for yourself but for all the pogue girls who had suffered harassment from kook boys, for all the girls who had received bad treatment because they didn't look like princesses, for all the girls who were made to believe that they deserved nothing because they did not meet the physical standards. you had to put an end to this nonsense.

so after five months, you had become what rafe loved the most. you had become a very popular online camdoll for kooks. you wore a mask that hid your facial identity enough to not be recognized. you had a completely different style. you were surely prettier, more magnificent in his eyes. because he had fallen into the trap. he had this slightly superficial side. you knew you had succeeded from the moment you felt the difference. not only did he want you, but he wanted to possess you.

he was one of your loyal viewers. he didn't have his first name as a username but you knew it was him. his messages had the same tone as when he spoke to you.

he was pathetic, because he paid to see your content, to talk to you, to hear you touch yourself, to do dirty things to you. no matter how much you charged.

he even sent you a video of him jerking off on one of your lives. you couldn't lie, you had watched the entire video. his fist was wrapped around his painfully cock, moving up and down, the leaking tip disappearing and appearing with the speed of his thrusts, the way his boner grew bigger the more he thought of you. he was going so fast that his bulge was literally slapping against his hand with a loud, obscene noise, his sagging balls moving in rhythm. his hair was messy, there was a quiver in his lips every time he made a grunt. “ fuck...fuck...fuc'...gonna fuck that dollface one day...gonna get this dick all in your dumb pussy. ” his length was very feverish and at the same time hard, shaken with spasms. the veins pumped by his strokes. he had come in such a short time, loads of cum exploding all over his sweating chest. he had wiped everything with a pack of tissues. and just when you thought the video had come, he started again.

you never responded. only downloaded the video and stored in a confidential folder.

but one day, he spoiled you a little too much. however, you weren't doing anything really crazy. you fulfilled clients' requests — which involved masturbating with a vibrator, playing with your breasts while riding a dildo, putting as many fingers as your viewers wanted in your pussy, letting them dress you however they wanted, letting them make you crazy stupid and vulnerable, doing little shows and hauls until you end up naked, playing with the food on your body, recording your orgasms, filming you when you slept naked or took a shower.

you had decided to thank rafe for his expensive gifts by asking him to come to your house. you had a studio that you had decorated, enough to make him believe that you lived well, and that you could be a kook. obviously, he had accepted and of course, he was hoping for sex when you told him you had a surprise for him.

it was, he was going to have sex. and you a revenge.

rafe had always assumed that he hated you, the shitty, ugly pogue, that he would never sleep with you. and to quote his own words “even for a million, i could never fuck such a disgusting thing. ” and it was always in public, in front of people. then you were going to do the exact same thing. you were going to fuck with him, and if he loved show that much, he was not going to be disappointed.

on the day, you had prepared yourself for the occasion. while you were getting ready, there were tons of flashbacks in your head, scenes, words that kept coming back. all this cruelty that could make you vomit.

“i really thought alcohol would help me find you attractive but no, you're still just as ugly. i thought it was a pogue thing baby but actually it's just you. ” it was rafe.

“ i felt like i had hit you in the face ten thousand times with my golf ball. ” it was still rafe.

“the difference between you and the other pogues? is that you angel, you will never be able to hide the fact that you are one. all the misery shows on your face. ” always rafe.

and it was each time heavier, more hardcore. he reminded you of your condition, but also of how much he couldn't see you. you were too horrible. you never told anyone about this treatment, about all this hatred. but you had now learned, from the best, how to make noise.

you wiped away your tears, and brought the mask to your face. “i can do it. ” you muttered to yourself as you began to get slightly anxious. you were afraid of breaking down in the middle of the act, of finally not being sure you wanted all of this. you felt mixed feelings. was it really good to do that, was it really right? but on the one hand, what had justice done for you until now? absolutely nothing. like everyone else, she had watched you get humiliated. so it was just common sense?

the door to your studio rang. you opened it. you couldn’t lie that rafe was really handsome and smell good. but the first thing you noticed was his smile.

he was completely different. you could see in his eyes for the first time, something positive towards you.

" welcome. ” you said with a smile, inviting him inside.

oh he resisted the urge to kiss you, his hands were in his pockets but they were nervous and unsteady. they wanted to be on you.

“do you want to drink something? ” you added the name of the cocktail he always had at your restaurant. you had done it on purpose but he hadn't noticed. he nodded.

“are you going to take off your mask one day? ”

“without it, i am no longer what i am. so it's better that i keep it. isn’t that all you want me to be? a doll. ”

“no, you’re right. then at least i know you're not a fucking pogue. ”

“it would be bad for your reputation too. i already see the headlines and the taunts "rafe cameron fucks a pogue" and people will laugh at you, and you hate it being humiliated. no one likes it. ”

“you look really nice, doll. i mean, kind.” he replied.

“i am but i believe that some people. ” you pressed the word, and gave him an honest look. “have abused a lot of this part of me. that's why i'm a doll, i don't have to feel anything, just do what people want me for. you can fulfill your every desire with me. do you want to see me in a certain dress? let me change. do you want to release your anger in me? let me help you. do you just want to fuck me? i am literally made for this. ”

“you are made for me. ” you smiled through the mask because in a way, he was right. he had created your character.

“do you mind if i film? i really want to record this. you are the first customer I have met. it's special for me. ”

" no. at least people will know to who you belong. ”

“that’s exactly it. ” you lied when starting the live. “let’s get started. ”

you had removed his pants and his boxers, placing yourself between his thick tighs, he was so much bigger than you that you looked like a small caged thing.

you placed your outrageously manicured hands on his open legs, your mouth sinking and wrapping around his hard cock. your tongue had started rolling around the girth, you could feel the small drop of precum going down your throat. this part that he was soon going to get fucked strongly and hard.

you wanted to drive him crazy, see him sweat like a pig because you were so good, because you did it all too well. he had wrapped your hair in a grip to make it easier to pull on it. “yes...suck that cock...just like that...let me ruin that mouth...fuck…”

your dripping lips were stretched by the size of his length, and the way it was getting completely hard inside of you. you could feel the drool running down the sides of your mouth. you felt every inch of his penis fucking your throat. and through your mask, you saw his smirks. he pulled your hair, and you took all of him, until your face came into contact with his pelvis, every bit of him was in you. you almost gagged.

he had barely pulled out of you before he entered you again. his cock worked against your tongue, brushing it harshly, the tip tapping the back of your throat. your cheeks were sunken, and your lips drowned between spittles and saliva. “you're perfect, doll...you really know how to suck...i could really take advantage of the situation if you keep this up...” at his words, you sucked him faster, pumping efficiently while his hand stroked your hair. his fingers moved along with your head.

he was completely using you, doing whatever he wanted with you. and you let him do it, because you wanted him to be proud of himself and to be seen on camera. he had pushed his cock onto your mask, decorating it with saliva, your own currently drooling. “so pretty. ” he had commented. he pushed his cock back into your mouth without warning, taking it ever deeper. you felt fizzy. your lips were open and used for several minutes non-stop, your throat puckered and pummeled. your jaw was starting to hurt, but you didn’t show it. you had to be perfect, packaged the way he wanted. your tongue flickered around him, teasing his girth.

“ need to be inside you...so bad...you make me feel so good. it's your face, doll. you're divine.”

maybe he had a mask kink to say that, to also be turned on by a fucking plastic object. or maybe it was the face he imagined behind it all? you didn't know.

he had thrown you on the bed, opened your legs in two and pushed your body against his hips, pulling you by the waist. his cock had twitching, purring some pre-cum, at the contact with your soaked cunt.

“ i could never sleep with a pogue. but especially with you, just thinking about it makes me vomit. “ it was perfect that you remembered that in the moment, as he thrust into you, his hips moving slowly.

your pussy clenched around his cock, barely letting him move without hurting you. “ fuck, you're so fucking tight, doll....need me to stretch this pretty little cunt. i'm gonna make you so dumb. “

you couldn’t hide that you still got wet, and damn, he knew how to fuck and you couldn’t be his first time. he had started pounding into you once your pussy had started to ease around him.

it was really intense, his body slamming violently against yours, the strike echoing through the room. your weak moans but which he heard very clearly, and which encouraged him to go even further within your walls. he pushed himself even more to hear you scream. he had a goal and he wanted to make you so stupid that in the end you wouldn't be able to do anything.

he buried himself inside you, his powerful thrusts stretching your pussy, your body twitching beneath him. he was on top of you, staring into your eyes. you were a little fascinated. his shoulders were broad and muscular, his arms heavy and toned, and his abs were perfect arranged into six packs. his hair fell on his forehead.

he couldn’t see the emotions on your face, nor clearly define what you were feeling. he only had your voice and the reactions of your body.

your pussy hugged him with each strokes, he filled you completely, making his way to your spot. your puffy slit was spread, capturing his bulge. you squeezed him harder, he startly getting down, the wet and dirty sounds of his hips rocking your body. you could see the vein on his neck, his contracted muscles covered in sweat.

he had placed his lips on yours, his mouth kissing yours. you wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him closer to you, gently guiding the kiss with your tongue.

he continued to fuck you, while playing with his tongue in your mouth, kissing you without limits, until your lips and jaws were covered in drool. you waited for him to cum inside you. but he hadn't pulled out while you were flooded, loaded with his cum, and some orgasms you'd had. it dripped from your slit onto the sheets. he had placed the tip of his cock back in front of your entrance, picking up where his enjoyment had left you off.

this time it was a little gentler. it was like you had established a little intimacy even though you knew it wasn't true. after a few minutes, he stopped.

" are you always being that kind ?…”

“ you think i'm a mean person ? ”

“ you never hurt people ? never in your life ? ” you asked him, with a friendly tone.

“ what if ? ”

“ don't freak out. everyone has a mean side. now, you got me curious. can you tell me the worst thing you have done to someone ? ”

“ maybe it was to one of that trashy pogue…” it started, and you forced yourself to not react when you saw the smile on his face. even after years, it didn't regret anything. because obviously, he talked about you.

“ thank you for confessing this story to me. now, i have a gift for you…” you said with a fakely soft voice. “ it was not the sex part. i'm willing to let you see me without my mask. i really want you to see me because i trust you. ” was obviously a lie.

“are you sure? ” he was so surprised by your proposal. “ don't you want to tell me something worse you did to someone too ? ”

“ oh, it's part of the gift, rafe . ”

at this moment, he knew. he fucking knew.

he had removed your mask.

because of the shock, he took a step back.

his face was indescribable.

“oh no, you can't pretend to be disgusted, not after fucking me like you've wanted this your whole life. ” you smiled. “what did you say before? that you could throw up? liar. you came so hard in me. and, it is still dripping. come on, don't run away, give a closer look. maybe i should make you clean the mess you made with your tongue. like you did to me. maybe, this time you will vomit. but i'm not sure, you're such a pathetic hater. and i'm just not afraid of you anymore. ”

“what the fuck is wrong with you, pogue ?! did you have fun?”

“ pogue ? ” you mocked. “ was babydoll, sweetheart, a few minutes ago. now, it's pogue ? how it feels, rafe ? how does it feel to be humiliated ? i think, it's better for you to apologize for all these years. but not only for me, for every pogue. ”

a crazy laugh escaped his lips, as he came closer to you. “ really ? what make you feel that i will apologize ? especially to you. ”

“ because now, the game is over. it's a war and i'm gonna fight back. it means, i will drag you down. every secret, every weakness, every move that you want to hide from me will be from now my first concern. i'm glad that you hate me because it's only the beginning. ”

“ you really think that you have some power over me ? be serious. ”

“ it's not about power at all. it's about justice. ”

i also wanted to thanks @bunnyrafe @rafecameroninterlude and @bimbotrashcan who helped me a lot, and trusted me for this !! tysm, i'm very grateful <333

[cosmerelists]

Cosmere Villains: Ranked By How Much You Could Trust Them To Babysit Your Child

As requested by anon. :)

You need a babysitter for your kid, and for reasons unbeknownst to me, you can only entrust your child to a Cosmere villain. But fear not: this list will aid you by ranking how much you could trust said villains with your precious child.

[Big Spoilers for villain actions throughout! I'd steer clear of any characters from book series you haven't yet finished. However, there is nothing from Wind & Truth previews]

1. Taravangain [Stormlight]: Your child has...slightly better than even odds of being fine

Taravangian is one of the few villains who actually did order a group of children be put to death--remember when he was highly "intelligent" but the child choir was bugging him so he ordered that they all be killed? Not great credentials for a babysitter! On the other hand, his subordinates did talk him out of child murder, and presumably his subordinates would also be there with your child. So your kid probably wouldn't be executed by royal order!

...But I'd maybe stay away from Taravangian.

2. Miles [Mistborn Era 2]: Not the worst choice

If I remember Miles correctly (and I hope so, because I'm not really checking), he's the sort of villain who would have been one of the protagonists in Mistborn Era 1. I mean, his whole thing is that he wants to do what's right and stand up for the downtrodden through loads of murder, which--good resume for Kelsier's crew, am I right? I think your child would probably be fine--seems pretty safe to be strapped in a baby harness against the chest of an unkillable dude. Let's just hope he's not being fired upon by like seventy constables while babysitting.

...Maybe ask him to stay in your house for the job.

3. Hrathen [Elantris]: Are you willing to convert?

I believe Hrathen would actually take very good care of your child. He's a competent guy and doesn't want to cause any harm for harm's sake. On the other hand, you probably won't be paying him money--rather, I'm guessing he's gonna ask you to convert before he'll agree to watch your child.

So: Pros: You child is safe and healthy. Cons: You're a follower of Jaddeth now.

4. Crow [Tress of the Emerald Sea]: Not worth the price

The moment Crow has your kid, she's 100% blackmailing you into committing murder. That's just her MO. You're better off paying your neighbor kid $20 at that point.

5. The Sorceress [Tress of the Emerald Sea]: Uh...her literal thing is kidnapping

Come on, the Sorceress only knows how to do three things: kidnap people, curse people, and build hugely phallic rocket ships disguised as towers. I'm assuming you don't want your child to be kidnapped, cursed, or taught that all tall buildings should be inherently phallic. I'd steer clear of the Sorceress.

6. Odium, original vessel [Stormlight]: Pretty good choice!

What's promising about original-flavor Odium is that he likes to make agreements and will not only keep that agreement but also adhere to its spirit. All you need to do is get Odium to agree to keep your child safe, and Odium will do that!

Now, will Odium ask for something in return? Naturally. Will it be more than a cool $20? Yeah. And will your child be returned to you spouting some nonsense about how they must abandon all negative passions and become unchained? Well, yeah, but they're five. You can probably distract them with some Boo's Clues and they'll forget all about Odium's brainwashing.

All in all, not a terrible choice!

7. Odium, [spoiler-y] vessel [Stormlight]: Well...are you a really good lawyer?

Odium as represented by his new vessel will also keep to the babysitting contract--exactly as written and no further, loopholes fully exploited. So unless you can write an ironclad babysitting contract, you may return to find that sure, your child is physically safe, but they're now the face of a shady baby food company being used to smuggle exotic car parts across state lines. And nobody wants that.

8. Denth & Tonk Fah [Warbreaker]: Take them at their word

Denth & Tonk Fah will definitely tell you that, as mercenaries, they can't be trusted with a small child. Denth will say this in such an offhanded and charming way that you will definitely feel compelled to tell them, "Don't be silly! I know my child will be safe with you two."

Don't do it. Your child will NOT be safe.

Keep looking.

9. Telsin [Mistborn Era 2]: Not a great idea

Best-case scenario, being a good babysitter is somehow an important skill to Autonomy, in which case Telsin will in fact give it her all. You'll come back from your dinner & movie to find that your baby has a Harvard PhD and is mayor of a small town.

But more likely than not, if Telsin wants to watch your child, then she has nefarious plans that involve murder and world domination, and that's probably not the future you want for junior.

10. Straff [Mistborn Era 1]: No

Hahahahaha no.

Just no.

11. Lord Ruler [Mistborn Era 1]: Will immediately hand your kid off to his subordinates

The Lord Ruler is not gonna babysit your kid. He's gonna hand that child off immediately to his subordinates, the obligators. Your best-case is that the obligators also hand your child off to their subordinates, all the way down until your child ends up with a skaa servant who actually has some semblance of human love still in their heart. Worst-case, you find your child sitting on a dusty floor playing with spikes you hope are just rusty.

I'd recommend choosing a different babysitter.

12. Moash [Stormlight]: Not worth the risk

It's not like Moash is just evil for evil's sake or anything, but we know he doesn't have an issue killing innocents (RIP Teft) and he is currently trying to suppress his conscience wholesale. Now, if your child cannot be used in any schemes, I don't think Moash will hurt them for no reason. But if they CAN be used for schemes, then your child might be dropped off a tall tower to distract Kaladin or something. Best-case scenario, your child is returned to you safe & sound but has been given an Evil Baby Makeover (exactly the same outfit as before but it's black now).

I just don't think its worth the risk.

...Evil Baby Makeover might be kinda cute, though.

[greenwitchfromthewoods]

Hey heeey! Today is my birthday (happy 25 to me!) and I was wondering if you could write something about Joel x reader (established relationship) where they're living in Jackson and Ellie insists on them celebrating reader's birthday. Reader puts a little bit a make up on (mascara and lipstick and whatever they can manage in the freaking apocalypse) and Joel is absolutely stunned by her? Very soft and sweet fluff (it can be smutty if you want too). Thanksss

First of all, happy birthday! I hope you had a wonderful day and spoiled yourself. If not, you should definitely do it. Second of all, of course I can fulfill your request. I will do it with pleasure. I hope you like it. ❤️

birthday l Joel Miller

Warnings:  fluff, kissing, a pinch of smut, Ellie is in it, some tears

your feedback is very important to me and I thank you for all the reblogs, comments and likes. 🖤 sorry for all the mistakes

short stories from life. [masterlist]

When Ellie ran into the stables Joel was sure that something bad had happened and for a moment his heart stopped. Her cheeks were red and she couldn't catch her breath, holding her aching side.

"What happened?" he asked with obvious fear in his voice.

Your name slipped from her lips and Joel felt as if someone had cut off his power for a second. Eventually Ellie straightened up and looked at him with a mixture of amusement and excitement.

"I was with Dina and the others and... I heard her talking to Maria. You know, about her kid having a birthday soon and-" Ellie frowned "Did you know that she has a birthday too?"

Joel breathed a sigh of relief and for a moment he wanted to throw a sarcastic remark at the girl, but in the end he said. "Everyone has a birthday, Ellie."

The girl rolled her eyes. "Dude, but hers is in two days! Did you even know about this? Do you know anything about her?"

Of course he did! 

He knew what kind of coffee you liked, that you didn't like light rain but the more intense kind, that you liked dancing especially with him, and that fresh bread put a smile on your face. These weren't the times to ask about your favorite color or band or movie. The whole bullshit of dating. You guys weren't even dating, you were just together and...

Ellie stared at Joel with pity. "You didn't know." She sighed. "Oh, dude. I don't know why she's with you. You're a terrible boyfriend."

"Listen-" Joel mumbled, raising a finger as if to warn her, but she didn't care at all.

"You have to do something! Surprise her, show her that you care about her. Haven't you ever gone on a date?"

He used to go out. In his previous life. And years later he went to dinner with you at the Russo's once. Was that a date? But when he wanted to think about it Ellie grabbed his arm. Her eyes sparkled with excitement.

"Do something, Joel! Listen, I'll make sure she shows up where she needs to be, so she doesn't suspect anything, but you should do something for her. I want her to feel important, to have something of her own."

Joel nodded, the kid was right. Something could be organized. Shit, he wanted to give you anything! You deserved the best. And so he and Ellie started working together.

It was a strange feeling. Strange because you couldn't remember the last time you wore something nice and when you just felt pretty. Sure, Joel would sometimes whisper to you "my pretty girl", but that didn't count. Now you really felt like it.

"Is something wrong?" Ellie entered the room and watched you closely, "You seem worried."

You smiled, but it wasn't a real smile. More like the 'I'm sad but don't worry' kind. "I can't remember the last time I wore something like this." You said, stroking the material of a simple dress Ellie had found in a clothing store, "Or when I had any makeup on."

"You definitely look better than the girls in those old magazines I saw." The girl came over and wrapped her arms around your waist, "And you smell nice, and your face is different too." you were wearing some blush, lipstick and mascara that Ellie had also given you. Nostalgia hit you hard. "I can't wait for Joel to see you like this."

"No!" you protested. "He shouldn't see me like this, it's...embarrassing. I shouldn't waste my time on such stupid things and..."

"Has he ever told you that what you're doing is stupid? That guy fell head over heels for you a long time ago. Pathetic case."

Now you smiled for real. Ellie was right. It didn't matter if you decided to grow herbs behind your house, or rearranged the furniture to make it work better for you, or anything else - Joel never said it was a waste of time or was stupid. Even when he kicked a chair when he went down to the kitchen at night, it wasn't there before, or when, without your knowledge, he prepared wooden signs for you to write the names of herbs on and stick them in the ground.

"Come on!" Ellie grabbed your hand and pulled you along.

"Where? Ellie! I have to change!" you protested.

But she was already pulling you towards the door. "It's perfect! Come on and don't ask questions, woman!"

You were a little embarrassed as you walked together down one of Jackson's streets. It was already dusk, but every now and then you passed other residents, and a few of them surely noticed that you looked different.

Ellie led you straight to the door of the Russo's restaurant, which Joel had once helped renovate the kitchen. She opened the door and pushed you inside, mumbling quietly, "Happy birthday."

It was rather dark inside, but you saw a dim light somewhere further away and slowly walked in that direction. It was only when you stood in the doorway to the next room, a smaller dining room, that you understood why Ellie insisted that you wear all that today.

One of the tables was set and decorated with a few candles. A bottle of wine, silver lids hiding the delicious dishes Mrs. Russo had prepared, and him. Joel.

He looked different somehow. He was wearing a decent shirt and combed his hair, you felt the warmth creep into your cleavage and neck. He smiled at you as he came closer.

"You look... Fuck." he said, shaking his head.

"Bad?" you worried.

"Stunning." he replied, his hands resting on your hips and he pulled you closer. You wanted to kiss him, but he stopped you. "Wait. I want to remember you like this."

You were grateful that the dim light didn't let him see the effect his words had on you. Joel grabbed your chin lightly, dark eyes moved over your face, he noticed your lipstick, he smelled your perfume. The material of the dress was delicate under his fingers, and it beautifully emphasized your figure. It was the first time he had seen you like this and he was delighted.

"I wouldn't want to ruin your lipstick." he mumbled, smiling mischievously as he brought his lips closer to yours.

"You could ruin me all over." you replied, wishing he would kiss you.

And he did. At first gently, slowly. As if he was testing how much he could allow himself, which was really sweet. But when you parted your lips slightly, his other side won. He sank into you, his tongue wandering in your mouth, dominating yours, which you allowed him to do. You clung tighter to his solid body, your fingers tangled in the hair at the nape of his neck. You moaned quietly as his hand squeezed your ass tightly.

"Sorry, I had to do it." Joel chuckled, "Your ass looks so fucking good in that dress."

"Smartass." You tapped him on the shoulder. "Ellie knew what she was doing when she told me to put it on."

"She loves you. Just like I do." He replied and leaned down, stealing another kiss from you. "Happy birthday, honey."

It wasn't until a moment later that you sat down at the table where a delicious dinner was waiting for you. For a while, you were locked in your own bubble. There was no room for the end of the world, infected, enemies and guns. Just you and Joel. What you could have had if fate allowed you and what you had in return.

"You make me feel special. I haven't felt that in a long time." You said as he tenderly kissed the back of your hand over a glass of wine.

"I have something else for you." He put a small box in front of you and you saw uncertainty in his eyes.

"What is it?"

"I wanted to give you something. I didn't want it to be something practical or... You know. I understand if you don't like it. I found it a while ago and I thought of you." he scratched the back of his neck, letting out a breath.

You took the box in your hand and opened it. Inside was a delicate silver bracelet, and attached to it was a small pendant resembling a star in shape. For a moment you lost your breath, and tears welled up in your eyes.

Joel's voice barely reached you. "I wanted you to have something nice, something that would remind you of me and Ellie. That star... That's stupid..." he shook his head.

"Say it, Joel. I want to know." you whispered, raising your eyes to him.

"I thought that when I met you... I'm not good at this." you reached across the table and grabbed his hand, squeezing it lightly. "When I met you, you became like a North Star to me. You gave me direction, you were always there and I could always count on you. Even when the clouds cover you, I know you're there... Shit, baby, are you okay?" 

Tears started to flow down your cheeks, you couldn't control it. You stood up quickly and before Joel could say anything you grabbed his face in your hands and kissed him hard. A kiss that tasted like wine and tears, but happy tears. He pulled you onto his lap without breaking the kiss, taking in the moment with all of himself.

"I love you so much." You whispered, pressing your forehead to his. "You have no idea."

"I think-”

You didn't let him finish, kissing him again.

You didn't remember how you returned to an empty house. Ellie had decided to spend the night at Dina's so you have the house all to yourself. And it was a good thing she did, because as soon as the door closed behind you, Joel's hands were already on you. 

You got to the bedroom, tripping over your own feet, laughing and teasing, but when you fell onto the bed and Joel disappeared between your thighs, saying "Time for dessert." the whole world stopped again. You came twice on his tongue and fingers before you convinced him to stand up and help you take off your dress.

"She's staying with us." Joel ordered as he threw it on the floor and you hastily unbuttoned his shirt. "I have some ideas for her."

And as you both collapsed exhausted onto the pillows, your bodies covered in sweat, your breathing quickening and your hearts beating fast - you realized you couldn't remember ever feeling like this before. With this guy, with this family you had - it was perfect.

☆☆☆☆

Thank you for your time.

taglist, i think: @picketniffler @orcasoul @bbyanarchist @o-sacra-virgo-laudes-tibi @somedayheaven @underneath-the-sky-again

[ashwhowrites]

Eddie Munson x cheerleader! reader, Eds and Reader don't know each other, but Max and Dustin know both Eddie and Reader, and they both think that they would be a great couple so they try to get them to know each other but it never works. But what if Reader goes to the trailer park to take care of Max, or help her with homework but on her way to Max's trailer, Reader falls and Eddie sees it and helps her, after some time, Eddie and Reader start dating and it made Max and Dustin happy but they argue about who made that it happened? (I hope this make sense! I just imagine Max and Dustin seeing how similar Reader and Eddie are in some aspects so they're like, yeah, they would be a great couple, but for some reason, they can't make them like meet each other or even see each other! you can change some things if you think it'll be better!)

I love writing Max as a bestie. This idea is adorable. I hope this is what you wanted and you enjoy it! Thank you for requesting♥︎

Wingman vs Wingwoman

Max was surprised to find herself being friends with a cheerleader, granted it was forced in the beginning. Max's mom has been on an insane level since everything happened with Billy, so she refuses to let Max be alone. Y/N became Max's babysitter, Max wasn't warmed to the idea at first but now it was more of friends hanging out compared to babysitting.

Y/N was way more chill and interesting than the other cheerleaders, shocking Max. They talked, watched horror movies, shared comic books, and went to skate parks. With all of Y/N's badass interests, Max realized she might not be the only one who would adore her. Max knew she had to get Y/N to meet Eddie.

Dustin fell in love with Y/N the second she walked into the student council. Dustin's mom wanted him to engage in more school activities ( apparently hellfire wasn't real enough. ) But the student council wasn't horrible when Y/N was the president. Dustin was a love-sick puppy when it came to her and he practically was her vice president with how much he did for the club. Or for her. With her leading confidence and how high she held her head, Dustin couldn't help but see a bit of Eddie in her. That's when it snapped in Dustin's head that Eddie would love to meet this girl.

~~~

Max was rushing Y/N to Hellfire with a purpose in mind.

"I'm gonna be late for the student council!" Y/N groaned as Max dragged her arm down the opposite hallway.

"I know! I just need to show you something." Max said, a tiny smirk on her face. Her blue eyes lit up with mischief.

Max cheered as they reached the door, Y/N looked at her confused for two reasons. One, Max was excited about something, and two it was about a door with hellfire written on cardboard.

"What the hell is this?" Y/N asked, Max didn't answer, so she yanked open the door.

Max's smile and mood fell when she didn't see Eddie. Just the same losers she always saw.

"Where is he?" Max demanded, her foot stomped against the glossy floor.

~

"Dustin, dude, we can't be late for this campaign. The rest of the sheep are already set up." Eddie scolded but Dustin didn't listen. Just yanking Eddie down the hall.

"Just one minute!" Dustin groaned. He sighed at the lack of patience Eddie had.

"Where are we even going?" Eddie huffed.

"Tada!" Dustin cheered as he yanked open the wooden door. Eddie peeked in over Dustin's head and felt confused.

"Tada? It's a group of nerds talking about the school."

"It's called the student council, and she's not here!" Dustin growled. Where the hell was she?

~~~

Max and Dustin had no idea they were trying to get Y/N and Eddie to see each other. And they had no idea they were backfiring each other's plans.

"No! I need Eddie, I've been trying to get him to meet this girl for weeks!" Max snapped at Dustin, her icy blue eyes glaring straight at him.

Dustin felt himself shivering in fear but tried to stay confident.

"I don't care. I've got a way better girl for Eddie to meet."

"Mine's better, just watch." Max scoffed as she raced off on her skateboard.

"What did red want?" Eddie asked as he walked to his van.

"No clue. But look, I need you to drop me off at school early tomorrow, student council meeting." Dustin lied, Eddie huffed but agreed as he started the engine.

~

"Max, what's up? Dustin said he needed me this morning." Y/N asked as Max kept looking up and down the hallways.

"I just need to see something!" Max said as she looked into the parking lot. She saw Eddie's van but she couldn't find him at all. She checked all the rooms she knew Eddie knew but nothing.

~

"Dude, we've been here for ten minutes, when does this meeting start? We are the only ones here." Eddie sighed. He could have gotten another hour of sleep but this damn kid.

Dustin checked his watch with a pit of anxiety in his stomach. Y/N said she'd be here and she is nowhere to be seen.

"Whatever. I'm going to have a smoke." Eddie said as he walked out the door.

Not even two minutes later Y/N walked in with a grumpy Max.

"Of fucking course," Dustin said as he shook his head.

~~~

Max and Dustin were slowly wanting to give up. Every plan they had was backfired. Somehow Eddie and Y/N were always at the wrong place at the right time.

Y/N groaned as she walked through the muddy trailer park. She regretted wearing her nice shoes. A huge van came speeding down the road, frightening her into slipping in the mud.

She groaned as she landed on her ass. Now her clothes were as muddy as her shoes.

The van slammed on their breaks and a boy came running out.

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry." The boy apologized, he kneeled next to her as he softly helped her stand up.

She went to scream in his face but once she took in his face, she was silent. He was the most gorgeous boy she's ever seen. His soft skin, bone structure, nice jaw, and flowing brown curls rested on his shoulders.

"Oh, that's alright." She shrugged off with a smile. She was sure she'd have fallen for him the same way if he still wasn't holding her up by the waist.

Eddie didn't hear a word she said. Too amazed at how beautiful the girl was. He didn't even realize he was still touching her until she shifted.

"Shit sorry." He apologized again as he removed his hands. He took in her muddy clothes.

"This will sound so creepy, but can I drive you to my trailer to get you new clothes? I feel awful." Eddie smiled as she laughed.

"It is super creepy, but I also don't want to babysit in these clothes." So she agreed and they rode off to his trailer. Only to connect the dots that Max was right across the way.

"Here! It's just an old shirt and some sweatpants." Eddie said as he handed Y/N the clothes.

"Do you want me to drive you to the trailer you need?" Eddie asked as they stood at his front door.

"It's actually just right there so I can walk. Thank you, what was your name?" She asked.

"Eddie Munson, and you?" He asked as he held out his hand.

~

Max eyed Y/N as she walked in covered in mud and clothes in her hand.

"What happened to you?" Max asked as she got off the couch.

"Slipped in mud, but I got new clothes so gonna change!" Y/N said she walked into the bathroom, with a smile on her face.

~~~

A month passed and Max was preparing to give up. No matter what she did, she never got Eddie and Y/N in the same room.

"Why can't you come tonight again?" Max asked, Y/N walked beside her down the hallway.

"I've got a date, but your mom is staying home," Y/N explained.

"Where is the date? I've got a guy for you and I bet he's way better than whatever loser you picked yourself."

"Rude, he is not a loser. I appreciate in a weird way that you want to set me up, but I'm fine. We are going to the movies."

~

"Dustin, I can't! I'm going to the movies for a date." Eddie sighed as he searched for an outfit to wear.

"Waste of time, bro. I've got the perfect girl for you. Just cancel, then come be my wingman at the diner then I'll set you guys up!" Dustin argued.

"First, I am way too old to be your wingman. It's creepy. And second, this girl is hot, I'm not ditching."

"Come on dude! You are my only ride and my mom said I needed a babysitter. Steve is working so please?"

~

"She's here, see ya," Dustin said as he ran to an empty booth with his date.

Eddie picked a seat where he could see the back of Dustin's head.

He smiled when Y/N took the seat across from him, blocking Dustin.

They dived into a conversation and the time flew by in seconds.

~

Dustin said goodbye to his date and walked over to Eddie, he noticed Eddie was alone.

"Stood up?" Dustin mocked as he pointed to the empty seat.

"Bathroom, now beat it," Eddie said, but Dustin sat down instead.

"I've got nowhere to go, you are my ride." Dustin shrugged, grabbing a fry from the plate in the middle of the table. "Plus, my girl would be so much better for you."

~

Max walked into the diner, and her mom drove her to pick up dinner. She waited near the counter as she waited. She gasped when Y/N walked out of the bathroom.

"What are you doing here? I thought you had a date?" Max asked, her arms crossed.

"I do! We changed it to her because he had to babysit." Y/N explained.

"Babysit? Can't get a real job?" Max mocked and rolled her eyes.

"Watch it. I'm a babysitter." Y/N declared as she glared at the younger girl.

"Is he still here? I want to meet him so I can prove my guy is better."

Y/N sighed but agreed, walking Max to the table.

"Dustin?"

"Y/N?"

Eddie looked between them confused, "you two know each other?"

"How the hell do you know her?" Dustin spazzed as he looked at Eddie with huge eyes.

"EDDIE IS THE GUY!" Max squealed, and Y/N was confused about her showing a positive emotion.

"What is going on?" Eddie and Y/N asked at the same time.

~

After Dustin and Max explained their sides, they left the couple alone. Dustin walked Max out to her car, killing time until Eddie was ready to leave.

"I so did that." Dustin bragged, he nodded in improvement as Eddie slid his arm around Y/N as they walked out.

"They didn't even know you were trying to set them up, plus she met him because of me!" Max argued

"No, she did not!" Dustin fought back.

"Yes huh!"

"No huh!"

~

"It's kinda cute they wanted us together so much," Y/N said, walking out of the diner.

"I'm surprised Dustin thought I was in your league." Eddie chuckled, his arm still over her shoulder.

"I'm surprised you'd even like a cheerleader," Y/N replied.

"When they look like you? Yeah, I like the cheerleader." Eddie teased, but his heart raced as she laughed and swatted at his chest.

He might have to give Dustin a praise for this.

tags!

@bmunson86 @mxcheese @ladymunson @michaelfuckinglangdon @z0mbie-blah @biittersweet @mirrorsstuff @somethingvicked @micheledawn1975 @ago-godance @magnificantmermaid @tlclick73 @hargrovesswifee @cityofidek @silky-luxe @lokiofasgard616 @loving-and-dreaming @eddiemunsonsbitch69 @thegemaqua @ashlynnkennedy @strangerthingsstories5255 @harringt8ns @pleasinghellfire @whoscamila @stusdollface93 @gretavankleep37 @bellaisswagger

[rainchyna]

⌗ ˚ ͙◌˖ ࣪ . ִֶָ𝗱𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝐇𝐇𝐇 𝗶𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝟗𝟎𝘀˖ ࣪ .ִֶָ

(f!reader, fluff, language, mentions of drug and alcohol use, smuttish, i've lost my touch i fear)

⏾ you didn't really care for hunter when he first joined the wwf. you didn’t exactly know who he was, you just saw him around backstage. he wasn’t exactly memorable to you, he had the basic wrestler look. 6’3, blond, muscular. not much to think about.

⏾ hunter, on the other hand, had his eyes on the prize way before signing with wwf. you had been established in the company as women’s champion at the time, the company heavily relied on you as their top female draw. you were great, the fans loved you, and your merch sold.

⏾ after he was signed, he’d just admire you from afar, you were so effortlessly cool. you've always been his wrestling crush. you were beyond talented, bombshell of a beauty, so, so sweet, and well liked by everyone. of course everyone liked you, look at you. the things he would’ve done to even be near you.

⏾ hunter began hanging out with shawn (who had essentially recruited him for the kliq) almost immediately. you and shawn were really good friends at the time, as vince had put the tag team belts on you and shawn as a joke. shawn could immediately tell that hunter had a thing for you, the way he could barely pull a proper "hello" when you're around immediately gave it away. hunter's eyes would be glued to your face, and up and down your body, he'd immediately smile and look away, slightly blushing when you'd even glance at him.

"dude, what's all that about?"

"don't. don't even, I just-.. she's.. wow."

"do you want me to introduce you-"

"yes, please."

⏾ you were somehow, magically, (backstage politically, shawn michaels sends his regards) dragged into a romance angle with hunter. he was the new signing, and the company wanted to give him a little push. so, now you two were forced to be around each other a lot. you dropped the tag belts soon there after, but kept the women's championship.

⏾ he had kept his french aristocrat gimmick from wcw, but instead of Jean Paul Levesque, he was now Hunter Hearst Helmsley. you were his ‘wife’, y/n y/l/n-helmsley, you escorted him into the ring, interfered in his matches, and cut promos with him. you spent a lot of time on and off the road with him, it's not like either of you had a choice.

⏾ you two slowly became friends, though the dynamic was a bit weird at first since he seemed to be a big fan of you. he kept up some of his 'aristocratic' behaviours, he was trying so hard to win you over. he'd hold doors open for you, always keep as seat open for you, push chairs in and out for you, carry your stuff whether it's a bag or a championship belt.

⏾ and warm up to him, you did. you thought he was really sweet, even though he'd give you 'funny eyes' when you worked out together. hunter was always complimenting you, your matches, your gear, your looks, anything. if he could find a way into your heart, he sure was going to sweet-talk his way there.

"your match was so good earlier, I watched the whole thing."

"yeah, I know. I saw you at the commentary table, burning holes into my body."

"how could I not? you're so talented, and you looked so damn gorgeous."

⏾ a friendship was beginning to blossom between you two, he was actually genuinely so lovely. it was nice for once to not be the only one sober when the rest of the kliq were either drunk or stoned off their mind. you two became the friend groups 'parents', and were often left alone when shawn, kev, scott and sean were passed out.

⏾ you could talk to him for hours about the most random things ever, whether it was wrestling, music, life, ways to get the idiots on the floor to sober up, it was just so easy to talk to him. you two had a whole lotta chemistry in real life, and it translated into the ring.

⏾ having you almost as a 'mentor' to his french gentleman character was constantly messing with his brain. it was like the really hot, popular girl tutoring the new guy in class.

⏾ you were trying to hard to teach him how to cut a babyface promo, but he just couldn't do it the way you wanted him to. he was just a natural heel. you ended up convincing vince to turn you both heel, as it would've been better for him. but, as you turned heel, vince wanted you two to turn up the sexual element of your on screen relationship.

⏾ you were now all over each other at all times, you were wearing shorter dresses, unbuttoning his white shirt before matches for him, he was constantly groping you and kissing your neck, just touchy.

⏾ you two immediately became significantly closer. the tension from your fake relationship spilling into your friendship. it was obvious, something was happening here.

⏾ you two were now hanging out without shawn, or the chaos of the kliq, just one on one. you work out together in hotel gyms, go on coffee runs because the coffee in the arena sucks, eat together in catering way before or after lunch breaks so you can be with each other in peace. sometimes, you'd just sit together just to be in each other's presence.

⏾ you and hunter were entering the mutual crush phase, and it was so beyond obvious to everyone around you.

⏾ shawn was your biggest fan, no one wanted you two to get together more than he did. he was always teasing you two, making loud kissing noises when you and hunter were doing literally anything, 'your girlfriend' to hunter's face when you were right there. shawn would even purposefully create situations where you and hunter had to be basically breathing each other's air. whether it's him taking up more space in cars so you'd be forced to sit on hunter's lap, or talking one of the boys who didn’t need much convincing into locking you two in a a tiny closet.

⏾ then degeneration-x formed, you two couldn't escape each other now.

⏾ shawn lobbied hard for you and hunter to be in the faction, and it was immediate perfection. it became a public secret that you and hunter had something going on, everyone backstage was so aware of it, and the fans began seeing it during shows. it was obvious it wasn't just the 'y/n and hunter are married' thing, even commentary would make jokes about it.

⏾ it went from casual friends, to close friends, to no one really knows what's going in with you two. now became stolen glances, hidden touches, whispered words, longing looks, painful yearning. hunter was always hugging you, his arms were always around your shoulders or you waist, hand glued to your hip, heart eyes.

⏾ you two were almost always cuddled up, hunter didn't care if people talked, he was obsessed with you. he wanted to always be near you, to be the one who made you laugh, to be the one who made you feel safe and love. he would even kiss your head and cheeks, he didn't care who saw. the relentless teasing was worth it, all the jokes and the stares. it was all worth those couple minutes of intimacy.

⏾ but he wanted more, both of you did.

⏾ it all boiled up to a moment when are four of you were on the road. shawn had stopped the car, and him and chyna went into a convenient store to buy some snacks and drinks. you and hunter were sitting in the back seat when he turned to you, and asked;

"why aren't i your boyfriend?"

"you haven't asked me-"

"can you please be my girlfriend? like please?"

"yeah, i would love that."

⏾ by the time shawn and chyna came back, you two were busy making out, not paying attention to anything but each other. shawn loudly knocked on the window, "happy for you, idiots, but not in my car." he said, chyna laughing in the background.

⏾ hunter is so obsessed with you.

⏾ hunter is also such a jealous boyfriend. it took him so long to finally have you all to himself, and he sure as hell wasn't going to let you get away from him. he fucking hated the way some wrestlers backstage looked at you, sometimes even the fans at ringside pissed him off. you were his, and his alone.

⏾ he would possessively show you off. if someone in particular was annoying him, he'd pull you as close as possible to him, sometimes on his lap if he could. he'd hold and kiss you while holding eye contact with that person. he didn't give a fuck, you were his.

⏾ he'd also refuse to let you out of his sight. if you had a match, or a promo, he's there watching, the furthest he could be was gorilla. if you had to change, he was in your locker room. he was always there, but he had limits, of course. if you wanted to be left alone, he respected your boundaries.

⏾ he was so protective of you, so, so protective. he hates seeing you upset, or bothered. he would do anything to make his girl happy. he didn't care if he had to spend his entire cheque spoiling you, hunter would go to hell back to see you smile.

"is that a diamond fucking ring?"

"anything for my baby."

⏾ loves, loves, loves when you ask him to give you head. that man is a munch, i don't care what anyone thinks. especially as he gets older, baby, that alone gets him off.

⏾ absolutely adores seeing you in his clothes, specifically in his leather jackets.

⏾ super touchy. whether it's a hand around your waist, around your shoulders, finger hooked on a belt loop on your pants. hunter always needs contact, especially when emotions are high. you're the only person who he could feel genuinely and wholly vulnerable with.

⏾ huge on cheek and forehead kisses

⏾ genuinely, has a sexual thing for you sitting his lap. has something to do with him being so much bigger than you.

⏾ massive daddy kink, even worse sir kink.

⏾ also has thing for seeing you in his merch, or anything with his name on it.

⏾ literally gets so annoyed and straight up upset when you have to do anything. he wants you to just sit back and relax, he wants to take care of you all the time. hates seeing you up on your feet doing something he could do for you. he gets borderline embarrassed.

“where are you going?”

“to get.. water..?”

“water? mhm, what else do you want?”

“uhm.. a sandwich…?”

“seat your ass the fuck down, then.”

⏾ you’re so beyond spoiled in this relationship. want a sandwich? he’ll start with making his own bread from scratch. need a change of clothes? here’s his comfiest hoodie, while he does your laundry. want to paint your nails? gel, or regular polish? you want a diamond ring? do you want that lab grown or naturally mined?

⏾ when he began growing his beard, he became absolutely in love with you trimming and cleaning it up for him. he closeness, having you on his lap, the bathroom smells like aftershave and your perfume, your clothes are slightly damp and he can’t get that silly smile of his face for you to actually work.

⏾ you’re his bestest friend :(

⏾ constantly reminds you that he loves you, mostly because he’s loves hearing you telling him you love him back.

⏾ gets the most raging boners when you tug on his hair. like, this man is borderline whimpering when your fingers barely graze his scalp.

⏾ the second you’re on your knees for him, he loses his mind. it’s like he can’t breathe anymore.

⏾ LIVES between your thighs. his eyes barely open, licking and sucking, he’s humping the bed beneath him. it’s gets him off so much. (i’m obsessed w this can u tell)

⏾ sit on his face, smother him. his nose takes care of your clit. (iykyk)

⏾ “angel” and “baby” are his favourite nicknames for you.

⏾ one of his favourite things to do was to rub the fact that you’re his in the faces of your fanboys. he lived for it, it gave him an excuse to be all over you on national television. the explicitness of dx also added to him being just inappropriate on live television.

“see this? see all of this? *actively groping you*, i get to have this gorgeous, sexy woman all to myself *more groping ofc*. and you pathetic scums can’t have her, you can just watch. *groping intensifies*”

“suck it? i mean, as long as it’s this pretty little thing”

⏾ (stupidly) flirts with you like his life depends on it

“ya come here often?”

“??? we both work here.”

⏾ 5939/10, need him. need him bad

[average-mako-enjoyer]

crying screaming throwing up 1/3

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know I just bitched about the lazy writing and world-building in Mass Effect, but I wouldn't love these games if they didn't have moments where everything was on point (or close to it): the writing, the animation, the voice acting, everything.

Here's one of my favorite scenes, it's very short and I bet you've never thought about it before, but it's so, so good, I'm obsessed with it and I have to scream.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm pretty sure that the only time that Shepard really freaks out is after the Mars mission. It happens right on screen, we don't hear it from someone else, we don't have to headcanon it, we get to see Shepard not as a protagonist, not as a savior of the galaxy, not as a soldier, but as an actual human being, simply scared shitless.

I also love that it starts with Liara immediately realizing what's going on. You can see that she freaks out too, because Shepard is freaking out, and the camera lingers on her reaction as it shifts from fear to sadness to understanding. And then we finally get to see the condition of our favorite Virmire survivor, and it's just oof.

When we go back to Liara, she already knows what to do.

And then we finally get to see Shepard. All these erratic movements are completely out of character. Throughout the three games, we only see Shepard move with some sort of intention (yes, because it's a game, and it's supposed to be that way, but think beyond that; it's also Shepard's characteristic as a person), and there's no intention in this. Shepard is holding on to the examination table, trying to lean down or move forward, and that's because now, in this situation, he can do nothing. No amount of self-sacrifice, quick thinking, tactical advantage, or stupid badassery will help. There's someone on that table he clearly cares about, and he has no say in the matter.

And Liara knows it. She leans forward to look Shepard in the eye and draw his attention to herself. She starts soft and pleading:

And dude, Shepard's expression is everything. It's sad and scared and open... again, completely out of character.

And then we can watch Liara's expression change when she sees that Shepard heard her. Her tone is no longer soft, it becomes quite aggressive.

It is all very deliberate. And it works! Shepard is still terrified, but he furrows his eyebrows and his expression closes. Now he looks more like the Shepard we all know and love.

Another change of tactics, and oh my god. Say what you will about my girl Liara, she is a real MVP here. Notice how she goes soft again and just gives Shepard a suggestion. She knows the best way to snap him out of his panic and sense of sheer helplessness is to push him to start giving orders again.

And again, it works! This sounds and looks like our usual Shepard.

Oh, I love these animations. The change from something hard-assed and in control to something vulnerable... Whoever animated this, let me kiss you on the mouth, let's ride into the sunset. You're beautiful and I love you.

✨Gentle touches✨ Not like our usual Shep at all.

Now to part 2 because I have even more gifs

[hippiepowrs]

one night lookin' pretty

eddie munson x fem!metalhead!reader

you and eddie hate school dances, but you decide to go to the prom this year--with someone who isn't eddie. eddie does not like that, but can't say anything.

a/n: this is my first longer fic so i hope you like it. prom season is coming up so this is kinda self indulgent (as if all my fics aren't). this one is for all my weird girls out there! title from one night in the city by dio btw. :)

warnings: hurt/comfort. angsty for a while but gets fluffy. swearing. a guy being a total asshole to reader. reader wears a dress. reader and eddie both self-described as 'freak.' eddie being a jealous and insecure idiot. both are oblivious as fuck. eddie is REALLY dorky. eddie's backstory and parents--i did not read that book so i don't care if it's canon. idiots in love in the end. pretty cliche but i don't care!

wc: 3.8k

It’s prom night, and Eddie is sitting alone on his couch. Without you. 

Usually, you guys skip every school event together in favor of watching a shitty movie and smoking half of his stock, but tonight was different. Someone asked you to the prom, and it wasn’t him. 

He’s been acting off for the past two weeks, you noticed. He’s been quiet and snappy, and has been opting to jack up the stereo instead of talk on your drives home. When you asked him what was wrong, he pushed you away. So, you left him alone about it. He made it clear he wanted his space.

He didn’t even want to show up to see you in your dress. You called him last night to see if he would come over–he told you he was sick. He wasn’t fully lying, though. The thought of you going to that stupid school dance with that stupid school boy made him nauseous. It didn’t make sense to him. How did you switch your views on the prom so fast? Months ago, the two of you laughed at the idea of going. Now, you were dressed up all pretty, just like all those popular girls you claimed to hate. He had to watch that sleazy ass car pull into to the trailer park, right up next to his. He’d never admit that he watched you step out of your trailer with that guy, and wished it was him. 

Being completely honest with yourself, your date isn’t even exactly your type. Todd isn’t some freak like you or your friends, but he isn’t a complete asshole either. He asked you in the hallway two weeks ago, and your instinct was to laugh at him. You laughed in his face, but he didn’t budge. He really wanted to take you to the prom, so you told him you’d go. It felt nice to be wanted. It was okay that he wasn’t some rock n’ roll dude like you’re into–it’s not like you’re marrying him. It’s just the prom. 

You and Todd arrive at the Hawkins High gym, hand in sweaty hand. Pushing the anxiety clawing at your throat back down, you give him a smile as you walk to get your photo taken together. The frilly, glittery background reminds you that this place isn’t for you. Again, you push that down. 

The music isn’t really your style, either, but everyone is having so much fun you feel the need to pretend. None of your friends are here, so you’re stuck. Maybe you should have pregamed, you think. Too late now. Todd pulls you onto the dance floor with a fervor you’ve never seen in him. You don’t understand how a person can have so much fun dancing to this shitty music. It’s a lot easier to get through when you pretend that Todd is Eddie, and you’re dancing to mixtapes in his room. You decide not to think about the implications of that right now. When the song ends, you offer to grab punch for the both of you. Maybe it’ll be spiked. 

As you make your way back to Todd, you see him chatting with a few of his friends, and from this distance you can just begin to hear them.

“So, when do I get my twenty bucks from each of you? She’s totally ruining my reputation right now.” He laughs, and your stomach churns.

“Okay, yeah, you proved us wrong. You got her here, you danced, you win.” His friend confirms the fear that’s been looming over you like a dark cloud since Todd first asked you out. 

“You at least better hold onto her long enough to get her home with you tonight, man!” Another friend cackles, and you think you’re going to vomit.

How were you stupid enough to think that he actually liked you?

God, you’re so gullible. 

At least there’s nothing to lose now, you think. Walking over to him, drinks in hand, you dump both of them on his head. They splash on his stupid hair and drench his stupid suit. The music keeps playing. A few people turn to look. The room doesn’t stop for you like some trashy romcom. Everyone just keeps going. 

Storming out to the parking lot, nothing can stop the burning tears from pouring down your face. You slump down against the brick wall, fabric of your dress sticking to the rough sidewalk. The warm spring air feels sticky on your cheeks. You wish you had stayed in with Eddie.

Eddie, Eddie, Eddie. You need to call Eddie. Todd drove you here, so it’s either Eddie or walk, and these heels already hurt enough. Your body feels like dead weight as you drag yourself to the payphone on the wall, punching in the number that’s engraved into your heart. 

“Hey.” You greet, choked up. You’re trying to keep your composure. You know it won’t last long.

“…Hey. Havin’ fun with Mr. Popular?” There’s a bitterness to his tone. Usually he would’ve picked up on the fact that you were crying in a split second, but tonight he was too angry.

“Uhm, not really. Could you, uh,” you sniffle, blowing your thin cover, “pick me up? Like, now?”

You can almost hear his demeanor shift over the phone. A beat of silence passes.

“I’ll be right there.” He’s clearly still upset, because he hangs up the phone without saying goodbye. But his one-sided irritation can’t override the facts: he cares about you so much that he immediately hops in his van and starts speeding to the school, even faster than normal.

You sit back at the edge of the sidewalk, staring into the empty night over the parking lot. God, this is so cliché. Freak gets taken to prom as a joke; left crying outside. You know how pointless it is to cry over this guy. You don’t even care about him, to be honest. But it’s not really him you’re crying over. It’s the extensive disappointment you repeatedly put yourself through after expecting different results—it’s the fact that you haven’t stopped thinking about Eddie all night. 

As you begin to probe deeper into the ethical implications of falling in love with your best friend, said best friend whips into the parking lot, tires skidding as he pulls right up to you and parks. He drives just how he lives his life—with a sense of urgency and passion you don’t see in many. His van stops diagonally in the middle of the pickup lane, and he hops out of the driver’s side door, so worried he can’t be bothered to close it before sprinting to your side. 

For the past six minutes—which is Eddie’s new personal record on getting to the school from Forest Hills—his mind has been racing with every possibility of what could have happened to you tonight. Maybe Todd had another girl, or is just boring, or maybe you got totally Carrie’d and some assholes poured pig’s blood all over you. Not likely, but hey, you never know the determination of Hawkins’ resident assholes. At least if you got Carrie’d you’d look metal as fuck. That would be a good album cover. But that’s not the point. What he’s more worried about is the possibility that that dickwad touched you in any way. Just the thought is enough for him to completely light up—he got pretty close to breaking his steering wheel from how hard he was gripping it. 

“What happened?” He tries to act nonchalant, but that’s something he’s never been good at. 

Your head is held between your knees, looking down into nothingness. He’s staring daggers into the top of your head, and you can almost feel the fact that he wants to say ‘I told you so.’ Reluctantly, your wet eyes tilt upwards, the rest of your head following. 

“Let’s just talk in the van.” He sighs. 

You don’t budge. Your legs feel far too wobbly to imagine getting up right now. He has zero patience at the moment, it seems, as evidenced by the fact that he almost immediately picks you up bridal style and carries you directly to the passenger’s side of his van. He fumbles with the door handle for a second before setting you down gently in the seat. You watch him drag a frustrated hand over his face through the windshield as he walks back to his side, and although you know you didn’t do anything wrong, you’re worried that you did. 

The engine roars into life, turning your seat into a makeshift massage chair. Eddie pulls out of the parking lot as quickly as he pulled in, but with a little more focus. He doesn’t turn his music on, which is a bad sign. 

“It was a bet,” is all you can say, voice soft and defeated, “because, of fucking course it was.” You stare out the window, head tapping against the glass as he hits a pothole straight on.

“I told you that asshole was bad news.” His voice is laced with venom. He’s never been good at controlling his anger—especially when it has to do with you. 

You stay silent. Anything you say right now will probably just piss him off more. 

“Why do you—why do you always do this to yourself? You’re always finding these guys that just want to take you out to say they were able to take you out. They treat you like a fucking trophy.” He scoffs. 

You look at him again, tears still silently falling. Even if you wanted to say something to that, you can’t seem to find your voice. 

“I just don’t get it. You’re, like, totally perfect,” he coughs, gripping the wheel harder, “and these guys you find are total douches. You can do so much better.”

“It’s not like there’s anyone better around here,” you mumble while staring out the window, like some kid talking back to their parent for the first time. 

“That’s not my point!” His yell rings out against the hum of the engine, the dull drumming being the only sound left as he hangs a sharp right turn. “I just don’t understand why you’re so eager to find some guy that you throw your morals out the door.” Eddie’s eyes dart to you for a moment before looking back at the road. 

“I haven’t thrown my morals out the door.” You argue softly. 

“Yes, you have! We always said we’d never suck up to the bullshit they want us to do, that we’d never let them turn us normal, and here you are at the fucking prom.”

“Eddie, it’s prom! It’s not like I fucking stabbed my mother!”

“We’re supposed to be the freaks! We’re Hellfire! We piss people off! That’s our whole thing! You can’t just—fuck—just throw that out!” He groans angrily, pulling into Forest Hills, slowing down as you near the Munson trailer. 

“I’m not throwing it out.” You say, much more firmly. 

“You’re throwing me out!” There it goes, the root of the entire issue. He’s always been worried that you’ll find someone cooler, someone less abrasive, someone who will make you laugh and smile more than he can. Logically, he knows that would never happen, but he can’t help his fear. He throws the van into park and slams the door as he gets out. 

Eddie was eight when he met you. He’d been living with Wayne for a little over a year by the time you moved next door, but he was still struggling. His mother left him first, then his father. He missed his mom a lot, but his dad probably caused him more pain, knowing that he had the choice whether or not to stay, but Eddie wasn’t enough. Uncle Wayne was nicer to him than his father had ever been, but that can’t fix a broken kid. 

Then one day, you showed up in your ratty hand-me-downs, a year and a half younger than him. He thought that girls had cooties, but you were different. You didn’t giggle or try to hide your gaze like the other girls did when they made fun of him to each other. Instead, you walked right up to him and said hi. 

You were new, and you didn’t have the best clothes—he could tell you were probably going through something similar to him—so the kids at school kicked you to the curb. You were just as pretty as the other girls, he thought, if not prettier, as much as a seven-year-old can be. But that didn’t really seem to matter to them. Your lunchbox was plain, theirs had characters. 

When the two of you got to be in junior high at the same time, him in the eighth grade and you in sixth, he thought for sure that you would find new, more popular friends. It was incredibly shocking to him that you’d rather hang out with some dorky boy with an ugly buzz cut who’s two grades ahead of you than the other pretty girls, but he wasn’t going to complain. 

He’s lived with that fear constantly since then, always preparing himself to see you walking into school one day in some pastel sweater instead of your band shirts and battle vest. He knows you won’t, he knows you’re better than that, and he feels so guilty for always expecting the worst, but he can’t help it. 

You hop out of the passenger’s side of the van, holding up the skirt of your dress like some elegant princess. But instead of some grand, ornate staircase, you’re simply walking up the concrete steps of the Munson trailer and following Eddie, who’s storming inside. 

“Eddie.” You sound like a scolding mother, tears having dried up a few minutes ago, and you shut the door behind you. “Why do you think so lowly of me?” Your voice cracks with the weight of the question. 

Eyes widening, Eddie never realized quite how much his thoughts could affect you until right now. “I don’t,” he says softly. “You’re the best person I know.”

“You say that, but you always think I’m gonna leave you for someone else. You’re my best fucking friend. I’m not just gonna cut you off at the drop of a hat.”

“I- I know that,” he stammers out, a little shaken. 

“Do you?”

“Look, I,” he sighs, finally turning around, “I’m just scared. I’m scared that one day you’ll wake up and realize how fucking lame I am, and you won’t want to deal with me and all my bullshit anymore.” 

“The world isn’t against you, Eddie.”

He opens his mouth to quip back something snarky, but he closes it as he thinks about your words again. 

“You hate yourself so much that it’s beginning to rub off on me, because I’m friends with you, and if I like you, you think that surely there’s something wrong with me, too.” 

He’s stunned into silence, your words stabbing him straight through the heart. 

“Can you at least tell me why you were being a dick for the past few weeks?” You switch the subject slightly with a sigh. 

Eddie takes a deep breath. “Because of Troy asking you to prom.”

“Todd.”

“Yeah, whatever. He was my problem.”

“Why were you mad at me for that, though?”

“I knew he was gonna hurt you.”

“You didn’t say anything about that, though. You just said he was an ass once and then pushed me away for two straight weeks.”

Standing in the middle of the dark trailer, Eddie is presented with two options: confess his lifelong, undying love for you, or don’t. He knows that the only good and honest explanation he can give you involves a love confession, and he hates lying to you. But one thing trumps the fact that he hates lying to you, and it’s that Eddie is a complete and utter pussy. 

Eddie is, and always has been, a pussy. In middle school, you acted as his bodyguard—self-appointed, and very passionate—which only made him get bullied worse. You didn’t care. You’d defend him until the end of time. You’d take a hundred tugs to your ponytail or face-plants in the lunchroom so that he wouldn’t have to. You weren’t very loud or talkative in school, until it came to defending Eddie. 

To Eddie, you’re this glowing beacon of light and hope in his life. Everything good comes from you. And if he confesses his feelings to you, and you don’t feel the same, that pillar comes crashing down. 

But…what if? What if you did feel the same? That’s stupid, he thinks. Clearly you don’t, because otherwise you wouldn’t have gone to prom with another guy. And he’s sure you already know about his big, fat crush, and you’re choosing to act like you don’t notice.

“I’m sorry.” You can tell he’s nervous by the way he’s fingering riffs on the side of his thigh. 

“You always get so upset when I talk to guys. It’s not like there can be only one guy in my life.” 

“I know that, it’s just–” This is going to be the worst decision he’s ever made, and he knows it, but he can’t stop himself. “--I’m jealous, okay?”

“Obviously you’re fucking jealous, dickweed.” As you call him your favorite nickname, the intent behind his words reaches you, and your cheeks begin to heat up. “…Wait.”

“Have you seriously not picked up on this yet?” Eddie is genuinely surprised at your reaction. “You—you’re perfect, you know that? You’re the coolest person I’ve ever met, and I don’t know how you do it.” His voice is softer than normal. 

“Yeah, but—like, are you serious?” You ask. 

“I wouldn’t joke about this. I’ve been, like, totally into you forever. I’m surprised Gareth or Jeff didn’t say anything to you.”

“They did a while ago, but I thought they were messing with me.” 

“Okay, I honestly can’t blame you for that.”

A moment passes in silence, and you think about how to respond. 

“You know, I didn’t really want to go with Todd.”

“What? Why did you then?”

“I hoped that you would ask me,” you admit, eyes drifting to your feet, “but it was kind of a stupid thing to expect.”

His jaw goes slack as he hears you speak. 

“I guess that I’ve just kinda had this pipe dream where we’d go to prom together, and I’d be able to dress up all pretty, and we could dance together.” You avoid his gaze, until you hear him scurrying down the hallway. 

He emerges back out with his stereo in one hand and a cassette in the other, scrambling to place it down on the kitchen table and shoving the tape inside. He immediately skips to the song he has in mind. The familiar sound of Tommy Lee’s piano starts from beside you, and before you can figure out what’s happening, he’s offering his hand to you. 

“May I have this dance?” 

A smile grows on your face. “God, you’re such a fucking dork.” Your insult doesn’t come without placing your hand in his. He’s bright red, and he’s never slow danced in his life. 

Mötley Crüe’s Home Sweet Home is interrupted occasionally by the sound of feet stepping on feet and the subsequent ow!’s that follow, as well as the flustered giggling of two idiots in love. 

Eddie pulls you a little closer, his hands firmly planted on your waist. “You look really beautiful tonight,” he murmurs, “sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.” 

He feels extremely underdressed compared to you, him in his favorite torn up pair of black jeans and an Exodus muscle tee, and you in your stunningly gorgeous dress, looking prettier than any princess he could ever imagine. 

“Thank you,” you mumble back, flustered, “you don’t look too—fuck!—too bad yourself, you know.” A playful giggle comes with your words, and a huge grin grows on Eddie’s face. 

“Yeah?” He teases, looking right in your eyes. 

“Yeah.”

“Can I kiss you?”

“I thought you’d never ask,” you giggle, staring right back. 

Leaning in, he lets out a nervous laugh before pressing his lips to yours. It’s not some magical explosion of energy that cures all your problems and fixes world hunger; but his lips are soft and warm, and he tastes like weed, gummy worms and a hint of shitty beer, and it feels right. 

You kiss him a few more times before the song ends, all quick and chaste but completely full of love. Pulling you along with him, not wanting to let go, he pauses the tape and the trailer goes quiet again. 

“Was I better at that than Troy?”

“Todd.”

“Point still stands, fuckface.”

Eddie drags you down the hall to his bedroom, the familiar ambiance warming you like a comforting blanket. Jumping onto the bed with a plop, the boy pats beside him invitingly.

“Can I change first?” You ask, ecstasy of the moment wearing off, allowing you to remember how itchy this damn dress is.

“‘Course. Your shirt is clean if you want it.” He calls it your shirt, but it was his at one point. The old Metallica tee used to be his favorite one, too, which meant it got a lot of wear and tear. But then you started wearing it at sleepovers, and it quickly became your shirt. Eddie didn’t like to wash it afterward because it smelled like you. He always felt like a creep for that.

Your hand tries its best to wrap around and pull the impossibly tiny zipper down, but it doesn’t want to budge. Eddie, watching you as intently as ever, quickly notices and jumps up to help you. His fingers move to your waist, soft and nimble, and gently undo the zipper for you. You let your dress fall to the ground, and he looks away, flustered. It’s not like he hasn’t seen you in your underwear before, but now it feels a lot more serious.

Quickly throwing on the hole-filled Metallica shirt and a clean pair of his boxers, both of you hop back into his bed. You’ve shared plenty of nights here before, but once again, now it feels different. You sense that it will become a common theme for your life in the near future. His hands snake back around your waist and pull you next to him, and you allow your head to rest against his chest.

“So… does this mean you’re, like, my girlfriend now, or what?” A goofy smirk is plastered across his face as he asks. 

You try to playfully shove him off of you, to no avail. “Are you seriously fucking asking me that?” You’re trying so hard to act angry, but your giggles give you away.

“Yes, yes it does.” You seal it with a kiss. Then one on his cheek, and the other, and his forehead, and the tip of his nose.

reblogs and notes always appreciated! | requests are open!

[kai-anderson-whore]

The summoning (jmp x tate Langdon x reader smut)

Summary: you had always been fascinated with serial killers and true crime, one day you decided to try and summon your two favourite killers

Warnings: smut, three way, oral (tate receiving), p in v sex, doggy style 😏, summoning a ghost, ouija board,

Word count: 1,3k (another short one it was supposed to be longer)

A/n: this is a request by @villains-are-hot, thank you for the request and once again I apologise that it was very rushed at the end and I took ages to post this 😊

•¤❅¤•.•°˚˚°•..•°˚˚°•.•¤❅¤•.•¤❅¤•.•°˚˚°•.

For as long as you could remember you had a unhealthy obsession with true crime/ serial killers. Some may say it's far from normal, it was frightening. You knew stories of cases watched all the documentaries and more.

Some people say it's the type of obsession you hear killers having before they kill. You didn't care it was a interest that you were so passionate about. You preferred learning about serial killers, how their mind works, what drove them to do it. The ones you liked learning about the most was Tate Langdon who got shot dead in his bedroom after shooting up his school one day in 1994. And the other was James Patrick march a well known serial killer from the 1920s to the early 1930s. Legend has it they both still reside in their place of death.

You didn't know if that was true or not, you visited the hotel that James Patrick march resides in but nothing, you couldn't exactly go to the murder house since people live there. It intrigued you deeply, the thought it could be true or not.

You didn't know what you were doing when the idea popped into your head, you thought it won't work but it was worth a go. Now researching things to do, how to summon ghosts, some where a bit far fetched others seemed fake but you were willing nonetheless. Finding a method writing down everything that had to be done.

You sat in front of the oujia board your fingers delicately on the triangle piece. You took deep breaths trying to stay calm circling the board three times before saying "James Patrick march and Tate Langdon I invite you to this space" waiting a few seconds you felt eerily quiet and cold.

"Is there anyone here?" You asked the board, you felt something pushing the triangle to yes, you gasped in shock now feeling nervous but your fingers still remain on the piece. "How many sprits are here?" You then asked feeling uneasy slightly regretting your decision. The piece moved to the number 2 you didn't know if it was you or if it was actually two spirits here but you slowly asked your next question "w-who are you?".

The board moved to around spelling out two initials JMP and TL you gasped removing your hands from the board standing up. Completely forgetting to say goodbye. You immediately grabbed the board putting it away "what the fuck, it's probably me doing it it's got to be" you whispered to yourself.

"Not quite dear" a voice chimed making you yelp in fright. "What the fuck!?" You turned around seeing two guys there awfully familiar to you, they looked identical like discrete descent, "w-who are you?" You asked in fear.

"I'm James Patrick march and this is-" "Tate Langdon" they said, you furrowed your eyebrows in confusion "you're both dead no this can't be true." You couldn't believe what you were seeing they looked exactly like the killers you knew so much about. "How are you here?" You asked a thousand questions running around your head.

"Well you summoned us" Tate chuckled pointing to the ouija board. That's when you realised "shit I forgot to say goodbye" mentally cursing yourself, "it's quite alright dear, but I must ask how did you manage to get us free?" James asked.

"Dude she used the ouaji board to get us out" Tate said like James was dumb. "That's fascinating" James eyes light up "I don't know how we could ever thank you" James added. Tate's eyes on you like you’re his prey, swallowing a lump in your throat as his steps grew closer to you from behind. "I've got an idea" Tate's breath on your neck sending shivers down your spine. "Y-you don't need to thank me" your voice was above whisper unsure what they mean.

"Well boy enlighten us with your idea" James's velvety voice made you shiver more. You couldn't deny they were both very attractive despite their tendency to killing. "Well she's pretty isn't she? Don't you agree?" Tate smirked his hands running down the soft skin of your arms. "I do agree with you she is quite remarkable" James agreed beckoning his steps closer to you.

You didn't know if your body was filled with fear or anticipation maybe both. Closing your eyes feeling their breaths breeze across your features. James colds fingertips grazing gracefully along your bare arms bringing goosebumps to their wake. "I think we shall reward her for setting us free from our eternal resistances" James smirked his pencil moustache raising up.

"I was thinking the same" Tate chuckled with a devilish smirk, you didn't know what to feel scared? Or turned on? Maybe both. Feeling their cold hands on you but you didn't protest instead you let out a small sigh tugging on your shirt removing it from your body your head felt like it was spinning feeling their lips on your neck. You felt yourself being guided to your bed. Seeing Tate now above you with a mischievous smirk on his face.

You didn't know where James was until Tate pull away from you, seeing James now in his briefs flipping you over on your hands and knee. You whimpered in anticipation for what's to come feeling James's cold fingers hooking into your underwear peeling the fabric of your underwear off you and into the floor. Tate in front of you his impressive length in-front of you, holding yourself on one hand stroking him, earning a low groan erupted from his mouth. You felt cold fingertips teasing your folds collecting your arousal bringing it to your clit circling it in slow torturous motions.

A small gasp left your lips, your body automatically responding to James's touch "that's it dear" he says huskily, Tate still knelt infront of you his eager length desperate for attention. You took Tate's cock in your hand stroking him kitten licking the tip making him buck his hips into your touch more. You took Tate in your mouth swirling your tongue along the tip, gasping as you felt James enter your heat.

James thrusted into you slowly you moaned against Tate's length. A low groan rumbled from his throat his hips bucked further in your throat. James thrusts grew more faster and harder, tears forming in your eyes. "Fuck" Tate hissed his hips essentially fucking your throat.

"You feel wonderful darling" James hissed his grip on your hips tight, nails digging into your skin only adding to your pleasure. "Fuck" you moaned feeling Tate twitch in your mouth signalling you that he was close. You kept your movements along Tate's cock till he releases into the back of your throat, swallowing every drop. James kept his movements thrusting harshly into you you felt close to the edge "I'm so close" you moaned. Tate was watching you and James with a smirk, his skin flustered. James didn’t stop his movements hitting that spot guaranteed to make you see stars.

With a few more harsh deep thrusts, your body trembles, back arching releasing over James’s length trigging his own release deep inside you. His thrusts became sloppy till they came to a halt. Trying to catch your breath “that was something else” you chuckled. James and tate shared a wicked smile between them, “oh we’re don’t done, we’re only getting started” Tate’s voice make a shiver run down your spine waiting on what’s to come.

[evilminji]

God you know what would be FUNNY af? More "I already YOLO'd, fuckers. I see no God here but me an my new buddy The Force" SI-OC?

There's... there is the Fuckin FORCE NEXUS. Just? RIGHT THERE? Reality HAS to get unimaginably FUCKY and melty at the seams, around it? Horrific for people would HAVENT been through the Souls Car Wash as it were... but, like?

Eh. Tingly.

Feels a bit like being dead. She can taste the abstract concept of philosophical debate and the first strands of dawn. Air smells a bit purple. This is fiiiine. She and the Force are HANGING! You LITERALLY could not be closer to it outside of shrugging off your meat suit!

Aaaaay, BESTIE! She brought better meditation cushions and a swiffer. It is DUSTY down here! So~ how things? Any dead people wanna chat? Wanna watch a sunrise on a planet that stopped existing eons ago, literal galaxies away? Oh hey! Thanks for the space rock. It blurbles ominously.

Just? Yes. TECHNICALLY. "All things are possible in the Force".

But just because a NUCLEAR REACTION IS POSSIBLE? Doesn't mean it's a great idea to SIT NEXT TO IT. Child! P-Please! Back away from the thing we LITERALLY BUILT A TEMPLE TO CONTAIN.

ALL absolutes are harmful.

Yes. Even "good", even "helpful", even the "light". They as JEDI know this. Unlike SITH, they? Are not so foolish as to believe ANYONE can channel or harness a NEXUS. Absolute GOOD will kill you just as surely as Absolute evil. Do not loose yourself. And for the love of all that's precious?

Don't! Poke! Force! Anomalies!!!

Again... meh. What's the worst that'll happen? She DIES? Is LOST? Oh noooo. Not RETURNING to the Force! AGAIN! Peacefully avoiding the horrors to come! That would be AWFUL! *continues to gossip with the nexus*

Of course, this? This is fucking horrifying.

That is a youngling! Next to the ACTIVE FORCE NUKE.

Dear FUCK every moment the child sits there? It could be SCRAMBLING HER DNA for FUNSIES! But it ALSO feels like hundreds of jet engines in their head! T-they can't?! Get close enough? To grab her? Hold ON small breakable child! Help is COMING!

SOME ONE GET THE COUNCIL. NOW.

No we DO NOT care what they were doing! Baby! IN DANGER! This is clearly a priority! (And I mean? Shit... you right. They'll be there in 5)

Force maybe be "clouded"? But a cloud, dense enough? Is just a body of water suspended. And the NEXUS? Is like SWIMMING. A flood. The Force COULD NOT be clearer there. It's deafening, consuming, one might even say... less then subtle.

Yoda probably does the OPPOSITE of something helpful and just... plops on down next to her. Accepts the offered snack she holds out. Asks casually why she down here. Just two bros, a Grandmaster and Crecheling, two completely equal Jedi in the eyes of the Force, sitting watching the Pretty Colors at the edge of a reverse Black Hole.

Master Yoda, NO!

What? Did they expect him to use force? By the ear, drag this youngling, perhaps? Hmmm? How would that fix anything. The child would simply return. Stopping her ONCE will not address your concerns. There must be a dialog. You must be heard. Your fears laid to rest. The youngling must UNDERSTAND. Teachable moment!

The various knights, masters, CRECHE MASTERS and Council members? Do? NOT AGREE. Ha ha. Oh Force. Baby in a radioactive, currently inactive, meat grinder! Heart palpitations! Can't EVEN RELEASE THEIR FEAR INTO THE FORCE! Because it'll JUST SPIT RIGHT BACK INTO THEIR FACE.

.....OC would like these people to stop crashing her hangout. But is refusing to STOP her hang out, now, mostly out of spite. Well... that, AND? It's actually pretty great that most of the Order? Is getting LITERALLY FORCE BASTED CLEAN?

Like getting your soul pressure washed.

BEGONE Darksider gunk!

Does it leave you feeling a lil woozy and hyper-aware? Overly sensitive? Headache-y like a motherfucker? Yeah. But that's the crude matter, my gender non specific dudes. The Nexus has always been more of a "oh shit! We're losing um! CLEAR!" Sort of measure, then a "you should take this rigorous round of medicine and then meditate" Sort of measure.

Not that it's WISE. It's just as likely to eat folks. Just... straight skip the suffering their redemption arch might cause others and? Yoink! Straight back to the Force with you. After all? Other people are not here for YOUR life lessons. Their pain is not a gift to YOU. A debt YOU are owed.

Speaking of? Someone should check on Skywalker. He's looking a little shaken back there. (The Void was BRIGHT and it looked BACK. He is... NOT OKAY) (but also? Feels cleaner? Lighter? He thinks he just met his Dad. Spoke to his Mom.)

Obviously? Hella grounded. UNBELIEVABLY grounded. The entire temple is down and out with the worse case of Force Strain anyone can REMEMBER. The senate will have to send someone else.

......what do you MEAN you have "no one else"? They distinctly remember there being other offices. They are a religious organization. Not nearly as large as they once were. You are THE GOVERMENT. When a planet, in need, requests assistance? Why are you handing it to an EXTERNAL RELIGIOUS ORGANIZATION?

Yes, OF COURSE we want to help! But unfortunately we literally CAN NOT right now! There was an INCIDENT! Are you telling us that this whole system was one cold away from COLLAPSE?! (Local eavesdropping reporters go :3c owo? Whats this? Paycheck~☆???)

And, yes. Yes it WAS. Centuries of Sith meddling and common greed. Cut the funds to line my pockets! The Jedi will handle it. They Jedi ALWAYS handle it. If they can't, we'll just blame them. They show up first. Sometimes are the only ones to show up. Are a face for people to latch on too. Someone recognizable to get angry at, in our hurt.

But.... suddenly? Not there! And they're telling us? The NEXT step? In their Very Worried For Us, Full Of Genuine Sympathy And Concern Way? Is the Goverment. Specific offices. Makes sense. They even try to help, while looking like death warmed over. No, no! We get you can't come. Go rest! People need you!

No, they keep insisting. I can HELP! Please let me help! You're suffering. This isn't RIGHT. You don't deserve this! Are you safe? Is your family okay? I can talk to some people I know... maybe?

Then you turn around? And get automated rejection after rejection from the GOVERMENT YOU SERVE. Pay your taxes too. Bleed for. As your people are DYING. Afraid. Begging for help, that? APPARENTLY the senate is too busy throwing GALAS to send!

The Jedi is actually crying on the other line. Arguing with a healer off screen that they don't faint THAT much! They can take a pilot droid! Your people NEED HELP! Please! They have to do SOMETHING! They can't just SIT THERE! Please don't make them sit there!

The healer is telling them if they don't bring their heart rate down, they may pass out again. Breathe. Give them the comm.

You watch the Jedi literally fight to keep it. Lose, too dizzy to win.

The healer looks sympathetic but resolute. Your people's doctors are much the same. Your SISTER-IN-LAW much the same. You ask that he not be allowed to contact you until he is well. You are not incompetent, after all. Your people will survive.

The Force is with you... but the Senate is not.

This? You will REMEMBER.

Discontent grows. But NOT, as Palpatine was trying to cultivate it, towards the Jedi. They? Are in crisis. Still holding strong, yes, but clearly DEALING with something. Some... weird... mystic cult illness. It's literally BAD enough that "Force Sensitive" (you know, the kinda creepy weirdos?) cultures and peoples are offering to send various doctor equivalents!

And the Jedi! The JEDI!!!? Infamously "oh, it's only a gushing flesh wound, I'm fiiiine!" Weirdo Space Monks? Yeah, they're saying YES. Please DO, actually. Admitting to NEEDING HELP.

...........guys?

A-Are the Jedi DYING? D:>

Suddenly everyone's remembering all those times? Jedi helped THEIR planet. Possibly DIED for them. Statistically? Over the centuries? There is not a SINGLE ONE of them that hasn't needed help at LEAST once. Gotten SOME Jedi's help. Maybe it was centuries back. Maybe decades. Possibly last year. But? The Holonet is FOREVER.

Videos still exsist. Voices long dead. Wry jokes and hoisting younglings up on their shoulders. Attentively listening to elders as they talk about their youth. Protection and respect. A face not so different from their own. Laughter and light, preserved forever.

The Jedi are in family holos.

Here, with grandma. See? He saved her from slavers! And there. Sitting with the family after The Great Collapse. Over here, rocking great-uncle Nox as a baby! On and on. Flooding the net. Private collections no one thought were relevant until now. It's not like anyone ASKED. It was JUST a FAMILY story.

Those little acts of kindness. Those humanizing bits of light. Jedi, throughout our history. Everywhere. Absolutely everwhere... until they weren't.

Until... slowly... they started to fade.

People, making timeliness, making collections? Notice. Huh. Look at that decline. Is that just them? Are they seeing things? Guys! Tell me what you see....

All while OC? Is sitting by the Nexus. Breathing in some NICE tea steam, in her comfy lil meditation nook, smacking the FUCK out of Palpatine's grasping lil claws as it reaches for the Nexus. BEGONE you malicious THOT! This is a benevolent thot only space! That's why Master's Vox and Kenobi can stay. (Ha!/CHILD!?!)

OC works as a legit filter.

The Nexus? Spews, by its nature, the Force in CONCENTRATED amounts, out into the universe. Like a high pressure water spout. Feeding into a lake. There are drains. People use it, move it, muddy the waters. But the NEXUS? Is where the unfiltered stuff comes back through, after it's been recycled.

Part of the endless loop. There are, of course, many Nexus. The Universe is large. One Nexus alone would never be able to cover it all. But Coruscant? The surrounding area? That's THIS Nexus. And Palpatine wants it BAD.

Because EVERYONE is part of the Force. Sensitive or not. ALL LIVING THINGS have midi-chlorians. They're just generally drawn to sentience. Are the universe in symbiosis with itself. Being near a Nexus tend to make them vibrate. Start to multiple. Not great for the body they're IN. Fascinating though.

......wait, where was she.... >.> oh! Right!

Whole ecumenopolis? Already has a LOT of suffering. Lot of stagnant pools of Darksider rot. The senate isn't helping. But? The Nexus IS helping. By blasting clean, fresh, hope and NEW! Through the heart of it all. Anyone who wanders close enough to the Temple? Gets cleaned off.

Feels hope. Sees a brighter future worth fighting for. Gets that much needed nudge from the Force, towards a better path.

Obviously, Palpatine hates that. Wants to flip it. To bad decisions and hopelessness. Bow your head and know your place. Well? FUCK 'IM. She's the guard of the Nexus. SHE'S sitting right in from of it! He may have fucked up rituals? But SHE can literally reach her arm out, INTO IT, and drag the darkness free.

Talk to Master's through time. The Force directly. Be a concept and a bird, right angles and starlight, here and then and The Force.

What are YOU, Sheev Palpatine? But a miserably hateful little creature.

A vile, angry little man.

The Jedi? Have probably already adjusted by now. Master Fae, Master Antilles, Youngling OC. Yeah... it be like that sometimes. You get Weird Jedi every so often. Just look at Yoda and Yaddle. The various wandering Jedi. That one guy they're preeeeeety sure? Might just be? Meditating out in a swamp somewhere? He might be dead. No one's sure. Still a jedi, though!

Look, you get like... 99 put of 100 vaguely normal Jedi to one Weird one, and 1 REALLY weird one out every... no one can actually agree? Inconclusive. Have a fruit bun. Nod and smile. The Force works in mysterious ways....

And SPEAKING of "we are a wrecking ball in a rice paper world" Master Fae/Antilles duo? Very sensitive to the Force. Go where it sends them. Did.... NOT expect to get a holocall? By means of FORCE NEXUS?? From an ACTUAL YOUNGLING?

.....ngl. this one's new.

Kamino it is.

(OC wants to make Palpatine CRY. Fight me, you FUCK, says the actual child. No one knows why this Jedi child hates the Naboolian senator specifically, but it... is REALLY effecting his Affable Grandfatherly Vibes.)

(Fucking GOOD.)

[threepandas]

Bad End: Soldier A

I'm pretty sure you know the story. Everybody does. Chosen Hero, Demon King, they fight, save the day, yada yada. Everybody supposedly lives happily ever after. Everything sunshine and roses. Puppies and farting rainbows. But... but it's NOT.

It's really fucking NOT.

I used to love reading stories like that. They were escapism. Grand adventures in a terrible, grey, slowly crushing hellscape of a world. But... but, FUCK. At least there weren't drauger! No demon wolves or skeleton soldiers! Or the FUCKING little flying bastards. God. I HATE those ones the most.

They have sharp, needle-y little claws and teeth like a SHARK fucked a TREE THRESHER. And they scream. Just... yowl and yowl in this ear splitting high pitch like they're trying to DEAFEN you ON TOP of trying to rip you apart.

That life was peaceful.

I was a fool to wish for anything else.

I am not the Chosen One. I'm not even a supporting character. I remember this bullshit little yarn, and I? Am NO WHERE fucking in it. I am just... just some rando, in this struggle of demons and Gods. The child of Some Dude. We... we had chickens. Fat, happy, lil hens.

I remember being ENTRANCED. I had lived all my life, before, in suburban sprawl. So chickens? Strutting around and chasing bugs? Tiny me was hypnotized.

It saved my life.

I half wish it didn't, some days.

That I died, sudden and without the chance to truely comprehend, along side my family. That my neighbors eldest hadn't seen me by the coop. Grabbed me desperately as he ran for his life. Our entire FUCKING village...

There were six survivors.

I was one of them.

And it's... it's all just? FLAVOR TEXT for the Chosen One's tale of Glory. A reason for why she's so NEEDED. So BELOVED. Look how AWESOME she is! Saintess, because when are they NOT? Hero, because it's all about HER. A god damned LOVE STORY thrown in, because THAT'S important, while people are suffering! Dying!

Are? You? KIDDING ME!?

Legends speak of a "Hero's Party". I know damn well it's true. That it WILL succeed. But FUCK that. FUCK waiting for her to "be ready"! To gather allies and turn from some sheltered little rose, into the warrior we ACTUALLY NEED. It's my world too. I was the one who had to help dig out survivors! Tend to the wounded! Fight off swarms! Hold back the dead!

I...! I was the one who had to LOOK PEOPLE IN THE EYE and... AND-!

B-Because sometimes? SOMETIMES?! Those bites DON'T HEAL. Can't heal! They are filled with so much demonic power, that the only thing they CAN do is corrupt. Fester. Poison. Sometimes you're already DEAD and nothing short of the oh so precious SAINTESS could possibly save you.

But she's not HERE... is she?

So you have a choice.

If you're lucky? It's JUST a limb. A chunk of flesh. But more often then not... well... The lucky ones have time to say goodbye. The unlucky ones get to be twisted and used against their friends. Their family's. And if you care. If you CARE AT ALL? You put them down before that happens.

Because they wouldn't want that.

It... it feeds a HATE in me. An ANGER.

No, that's not right... it's more like? It feeds...

A RAGE.

An ugly, burning thing. That's hollowed out my chest. Wrapped around my bones. Fueled by the memories of every innocent I failed to save. By the fear and the suffering, that just keeps dragging on and on and ON. An endless slog that seems designed to break men down. Destroy us.

I feel like it's killing the humanity in me. The kindness I once had. Like I am burning away everything but purpose. And will have nothing left when I am done. IF I am ever done. It... it used to scare me.

Now I am to angry, too tired, to be afraid.

Let me die. I do not CARE. So long as I TAKE THEM WITH ME. Burn them ALL. My brothers in arms, my sisters of war, those that fight and fight and FIGHT? They feel the same. We didn't fucking WAIT. Refused to watch the slaughter. Gaining ground only to lose it, losing ground only to claw it back.

Holding the line.

We can't actually KILL him. We know that. Only the Saintess can actually fucking END this nightmare. But his monsters? Those still fall too steel. And if we are to die regardless, why NOT in defense of our homes?

We've managed to push a path, deep into the Demonic lands. A spear point to stab the heart of HIS damned empire. We... we can hold it. MUST hold it. At all costs. For that flimsy, weak willed, half trained NITWIT of a child. So when she FINALLY gets off her ass and stops making goo-goo eyes at her trainers? She can come and finish the job.

Then get crowned queen of forever or something.

I don't know, I don't CARE. I'm going to buy some damn chickens. Fill a yard with them. Honor my parents and be the best damn farmer this world has ever SEEN.

Another crash against our shields. Screams as someone's arm breaks. As someone else is savaged through a crack in our barrier, as something probably gives. I slam my spear forward. Vital point. Vital point. Ignore the strain. The way your arm feels like a giant is stepping on it. Like some is trying to rip the shield from your grip. Hold... HOOOOLD!

Go for the eyes. Aim for the throat. Kidneys. Arteries, arteries, heart! The spear is wretched from my grip. I shout for another. Reach blindly, trusting my countrymen. I feel the grip of another one pressed into my hand. I slam my spear forward.

The fight goes on.

For hours.

It was some sort of ape-bear chimera things this time. But bigger and with spikes. No ones quite sure if they're in the "fucked up monstrosities" book yet. I'M certainly too dead on my feet to check. I sit an eat some fucking soup. Mmmmm, rations soup. Technically edible! My favorite flavor.

In the distance, sits the Demon King's fancy ass doom castle.

Any closer? And HE might be inspired to actually "deal" with us. I can't wait for the day it-An explosion of noise from the command tent. Everyone's heads whip around to stare, alarmed. But... but that didn't sound... BAD shouting. It takes us a long, long moment. It had honestly been YEARS since some of us had HEARD such a noise. But...?

W...was that?

Excitement?

I passed off my soup to a newbie. He honestly needed it more anyway. Told him to eat. Then got up and headed for command. Something was happening. As I got close, the flap was all but ripped open. A commander, actually? Smiling!? What the fresh hell?

A commander looking for someone. Spots me. Waves me over and in. I jog over. The tent is practically HUMMING with excitement. And there, on the tabke with the war map? Is an old, OLD dagger. Very... magical girl, in design. Flourishes, sparkling, and lovely dispite being what must be... what, centuries old? Worn to hell and back? What IS that?

It's the weapon of a previous Chosen One.

A Holy Blade.

Holy Shit. HOW. Where?! Where AND HOW!? I thought the royal family snapped all those fuckers up too show off! If not them, the Temple! I'm met with seni-hysterical laughs of disbelief.

A PRIEST stole it.

Nearly DIED doing so. Temple's probably FURIOUS. Gonna come to get it BACK, most likely. We're gonna have to move FAST. We're gonna only get ONE chance at this. I nod. Ready for whatever command needs me to do. Hold off some holy knights? Punch a priest? I'll get... SUPER excommunicated, but? Fuck it. If it saves lives.

No.

No they need me to wield the blade. I'm sorry?? WHAT.

It's apparently Maiden Locked. Fucking... Maidens Only! Got lucky? No holy weapon for you! Married but a virgin? Weaponless! Oh, fffffuck yooooou, creepy perv deities. There are LIVES ON THE LINE, in this, a GOD DAMNED WAR, and you LOCK the import weapons behind "mint condition pu-"!!!

The commander cuts of my, frankly, VERY understandable rant.

Hands on my shoulders. Looks me in the eyes. Will I Do This? I would have to take the knife and sneak behind enemy lines. Into the demon kings castle. And try to get the jump on him. NO ONE would be able to go after me. Help WOULD NOT be coming. If I fail... that's it. Game over. The demons would have me.

I laugh.

It is... not a cheerful sound. Not like it once was.

Is it even a choice? Of course I am. Frankly? I hope it hurts. I hope it's slow. Hurts every second and feels like eons. That he BURNS from the inside out. I'm gonna make him EAT IT.

Waiting until night would be suicide. They get stronger at night. Can blend in to the shadows. But they're cocky. They won't expect an attack just before that. So twilight is when I'll strike. Afternoon, when I head out. I... I leave my gear behind. Say my goodbyes.

I'm not the Chosen One.

Just some farmer's daughter with a grudge.

It don't think I'll be making it back. Don't really expect to even succeed. But by the gods... I plan to HURT him. Every piece we chip away, is one the soul behind us doesn't have to fight. I do this not for me. But for the child who will never know the FEAR that I did.

I will die so they don't have too.

The castle is dark. Humming with power I can FEEL but can not understand. Grand and sweeping architecture. Great windows that should let in far more light then they do. A blood red carpet upon bone white floors. The walls are black. It... some how merely stepping inside, seems to suck all color but red from the world. All heat.

I see no one here.

But I hear whispers.

I tighten my grip around the weapon. The only thing that feels WARM. These hallways are designed to make you feel small, I can tell at a glance. I refuse to give in. I am a farmer. A soldier. I do not CARE about your damn castle! I dig deep into my memories, keeping to the walls, and try to remember where the hero found her foe.

I trace the path in my head. Cut out the lost wandering as best I can. Right slightly, then forward, I think. If I am wrong, I can double back. Follow the book's path exactly. I move slow. As quite as I can.

Still... I find no one.

No servants, no gaurds, no resistance of any kind. Something like fear sighs like a specter down my spine, cold and vague. Something is not right. I do not let down my gaurd... but the longer it persists? The worse my paranoia grows.

Finally. The throne room. Magnificent beyond measure, in blood red and monochrome. Rare touches of gold glint and catch the eye. Stained glass giving it all a surreal scene from high above. The runner at my feet plush enough to render my foot steps silent. It is red... so very, very red.

The Demon King leans against one fist, resting on his throne, magnificent and beautiful like a statue brought to life. Carved of pale ivory and obsidian. Just as feeling as stone. A monster. Living testament that what's inside counts most of all. For inside him? Is nothing but a void. A malicious PIT.

I will see him dead.

On silent feet, I sneak forward. Only to freeze at the foot of the stairs to his dais, my eyes locked on his face. Horror seeps through me.

An amused smirk.

"Oh don't stop NOW, you're so close." Breaks the silence. Golden eyes open, lazy and entertained. "By all means. Try."

My grip on the dagger felt almost painful, for how hard I was gripping it. He... he wasn't even bothering to move. Didn't even see me as a threat. F..Fine. Fine then! If it was a mistake on his part or NOT, I would TAKE IT. Any chance. Any chance at ALL.

The pressure of that gaze felt immense. But I tilted my head up, put my shoulders back, and moved. One step. Then another. Up the stairs. Onto the dais. Forward, slowly. I paused, just beyond his immediate reach. Not that it was anything like real safety. I stared. Shaking. Knowing I was shaking and unable to stop.

He sat splayed. Reclined and leaning against his fist, robes rich and arranged just so. The very picture of indolent decadence. It was deceptive. I KNEW it was. A trap. But to get too him... I had to step closer. My eyes moved from the splay of his legs back up to his face. His smirk had grown teeth. I... I refused to run. I would finish this.

I stepped forward. Between his long legs, feeling distinctly like I was balanced over a bear trap, and lifted the dagger. I refused to hesitate. Wait to see if he changed his mind. I slammed it forward. Right through his heart. Glaring, as I looked him right in the eyes. The blade HISSED. Like acid meeting stone.

He laughed.

Grin full of unhinged glee, a vice in the shape of a hand clamped around my wrist, and the world SPUN. I slammed against the floor, the Demon King straddling me, at the foot of his thrown. He loomed. Behind him, above me, shown a magnificent window the lit him from behind. Like a halo.

"You didn't even HESITATE. You'd rip my heart out, if you could. Wouldn't you?" He says. Almost an whisper, nearly a groan, filthy with something that terrifies me and shouldn't BE there. "I KNEW I sensed something. KNEW you were out there."

I desperately try to push the knife deeper. Use everything I can to... to just-!

All I want... All I NEED? Is to see it come out the fucking OTHER SIDE. Please. Gods, PLEASE! End this! I'm gritting my teeth. Snarling. This BASTARD. I HATE him! I HATE HIM!

"Ah~ That's it, little one." He groans. Not even bothering to hide that he's apparently getting off on this. I'll kill him. I'll FUCKING KILL HIM! "Good~, that's right. Just like that. Give IN~♡ I'll take SUCH good care of you. I've always wanted a little pet. Focus it all on me. Give it ALL to me~"

My brain feels like it's on fire. My lungs filled with ash and flame. I hate. I hate and hate and HATE! I can't think. Something is... wrong? Wrong! The blade hurts to hold. Like it's rejecting me. No. NO! I HAVE TO KILL HIM! I may not be the Chosen One but-!

It finally becomes too much. The pain of holding the blade out weighing my hate. It's like ACID. My hand spasming away like I was trying to touch a hot stove. My palm is an ugly red. Wounded.

In one fluid movement, my wrist is released, the blade pulled free, tossed aside, and my wrist recaptured, before I can claw his fucking eyes out. I grit my teeth. Fangs grinding togeth-... wait.... what?

I stare at my hand.

At the black talon like nails where normal nails were, just this morning. And feel... horror. My... my teeth feel weird. My eyes hurt. Sides of my head too.

"Got you~"

He throws his head back in a triumphant laugh. The sound echoing like a nightmare. Even as I watch, the pigment of my skin is changing. Draining away to something even. Something almost too pale. Unnatural.

"I'm so glad you've decided to join me, darling." My hands are slammed down on either side of my head. His face inches from my. Eyes burning with something terrible. "I haven't had a bride in SO long~ following your progress has been FASCINATING. And now! Oh little thing, I get to KEEP you all to myself. Make you GOOD for me. Learn every inch of you. You should be excited, darling~"

"I'm going to make you a Queen."

[rottenpumpkin13]

I imagine that AGSZ would get into a Hangover type of situation with Cloud missing in the Wall Market and had to retrace their steps.

The Wall Market Hangover Debacle

• After a night of partying in Wall Market, Sephiroth wakes up in Zack's apartment, of all places. He has a pounding headache, his mouth tastes like pizza, his hair is a mess, he's missing a shirt (concerning when he remembers putting one on), and everything is just wrong.

• And then he notices the baby chocobo in his lap.

• Sephiroth is instantly placated and cares for nothing else.

*Angeal wakes up beside him, equally as confused and bedraggled*

Angeal: Why are you in my bed?

Sephiroth: We're on the floor.

*Angeal notices the random phone numbers and "call me"s written all over his arms*

Angeal Oh my god. Are we in Zack's apartment!? What happened last night? I can't remember anything!

Sephiroth: Are you aware that you're covered in lipstick marks and that your breath smells of kerosene?

Angeal: Are you aware that you have a baby chocobo?

Sephiroth: Extremely aware, actually. The moment I encountered an orphaned infant, my protective instincts kicked in, just like how many mammals are biologically wired to care for vulnerable young.

Angeal: It's too early for this.

Sephiroth: It's 16:00.

Angeal: WHAT?

*He gets up quickly. Sephiroth follows him (with the baby chocobo) and they run over to the kitchen. Zack is laying spread-eagle on his kitchen floor, snoring*

Angeal: ZACK!

*Zack wakes up screaming*

*The baby chocobo kwehs, unsatisfied*

Sephiroth, holding the chocobo close: Your screaming is upsetting the child.

Zack: What happened last night? My head is pounding, I can't remember anything, and—is that a baby chocobo?

Angeal: I can't find my phone! Zack, go get yours and check your camera roll, call history, everything. There's a good chance we got robbed!

Sephiroth: Why do you believe we got robbed?

Angeal: Because this place is a mess! Paint splatters on the walls? A pile of energy drink cans? Glitter everywhere??

Zack: Actually, it was like this before we left last night.

Zack:

Zack: I'm trying out art therapy and collecting energy drink cans for recycling :)

Angeal: PHONE.

Zack: On It!

*Zack stumbles into his room to grab his phone*

• Sephiroth is tending to the baby chocobo, fussing over it as a mother would.

• Angeal is watching Sephiroth tend to the baby chocobo, wondering whether or not he's dreaming.

*Zack stumbles out of his bedroom*

Zack: THERE'S A GIRL IN MY ROOM!

Angeal: What did you do!?

Zack: Nothing! I don't even know her!

• All three of them run into Zack's room and sure enough, there's a girl in a pretty, red dress and long red hair sleeping in his bed.

Zack: She's beautiful, but I fear she'll think lowly of me now that she's woken up in my bed.

Angeal:

Zack: I didn't even make her breakfast. Should I make her breakfast?

Angeal: That's GENESIS.

*Upon hearing his name being yelled, Genesis wakes up*

Genesis: Why am I in the puppy's room?

Zack: Dude, why are you wearing a dress!?

Genesis: What? *he looks down* Oh. OH? Who's the scoundrel who did this to me? Which one of you dolts thought it would be funny to dress me like a doll?

Angeal: It wasn't us. We all woke up out there and I can't remember anything.

Sephiroth: And I woke up with this adorable infant chocobo, carrying all the joy of life in its heart, and it brings me a sense of peace I never knew I needed.

Genesis: Where's Cloud?

*There's deafening silence as they all realize Cloud isn't there*

Genesis: We forgot Cloud in Wall Market!?

Angeal: Shit! Sephiroth, put that chocobo down and call Cloud!

Sephiroth: Notice how I’m cradling the chocobo with one arm while using the other to reach into my pocket and pull out my phone—an action that reflects the care of a devoted parent.

Zack: Man, nice!

*They high five*

Angeal: WHAT PLANET ARE YOU TWO ON!? CALL HIM!

• They try to call Cloud several times but he isn't picking up, which means that there's only one way to go about this: They need to retrace their steps back in Wall Market to find him.

Genesis, while everyone else is getting dressed: I’m still in disbelief that someone snuck up on me while I slept and dressed me in this. The shade of red isn’t even close to what I usually wear, and I would never style my hair pin straight like this—I prefer it curled! Plus, this push-up bra is incredibly uncomfortable.

Sephiroth: Then go get changed.

Genesis: No.

Sephiroth:

Angeal: Okay, I'm ready. Grab your stuff and let's go.

*Sephiroth walks towards the door with the baby chocobo*

Angeal: Seph! Leave the chocobo!

*Sephiroth puts the baby chocobo down but it immediately follows him and jumps back into his arms*

Sephiroth: It’s settled, then. I am now the chocobo’s guardian. From this moment forward, I embrace the role of parent to this delightful creature. I shall nurture it, guide it, and cherish it as if it were my own.

Genesis: I think that if you talk to Lazard you can get paternity leave.

Sephiroth: I already checked, and it appears only maternity leave is possible.

Genesis: I'll help you fake a pregnancy.

Sephiroth: You're a good friend.

Zack: Guys? Guys?? Angeal is having a panic attack!

• Once they reach Wall Market, they go to Madam M first because the last thing Zack remembers is getting a massage before he blacked out.

• It turns out that there's a reason why.

*Zack walks through the door and Madam M throws a shoe and starts screaming at him in Wutaian*

Zack: !?

Angeal: Excuse us, Madam M? We're looking for our friend? Cloud Strife? Have you seen him.

*Madam M is still throwing items at Zack and screaming in Wutaian*

Zack: !!!??

Angeal: He's 5'7, spiky blond hair....

*Madam M is still screaming in Wutaian but now she's doing impolite hand gestures*

Sephiroth: She's calling you a, quote, cheapskate hillbilly with ugly hands.

Zack: Rude.

*Madam M is still screaming*

Sephiroth: And now she's cursing your bloodline both past and future.

Zack: ....

*More screaming*

Sephiroth: And now she said something that if I were to repeat, I would have to empty my life's earnings into Angeal's swear jar.

*Screaming*

Sephiroth: She said that you came in here last night, asked for the finest massage, and then tried to pay with a friendly hug.

Zack: Oh yeahh! I remember now. I was trying to see how far positivity stretched.

Genesis: So you robbed an establishment.

Zack: Hey, the hug was enough for the hot dog stand guy! It was enough for the dude selling counterfeit Sephiroth plushies!

Mandam M: I haven't seen your friend. You weren't with him yesterday. Try Andrea. The loudmouthed one in red was very instant last night that your little group go to the Honeybee Inn next.

*They all turn to Genesis*

Genesis: Oh please. What are you all implying by those judgemental looks? That I dragged us to the Honeybee Inn for a night of sin that resulted in Cloud's disappearance??

• At the Honeybee Inn.

*Andrea runs up to Genesis and embraces him as soon as they walk through the door*

Andrea: My darling! I thought the day would never come when you’d grace us with your presence again! You are the very essence of radiance in this establishment! Never has there been a soul more attuned to the fluidity of gender, the artistry of theatrical performances, and the tantalizing allure of rebellion!

*Everyone looks at Genesis, long and hard*

Genesis: I've never seen this man in my life.

Andrea: I see you're still in the fabulous outfit I gifted you last night.

Genesis:

Angeal: Really, Genesis? Honestly, I’m relieved I don’t remember a thing, because I can’t even begin to imagine the shame I’d feel knowing what you did here.

Andrea: Ah, Angeal. You came to pick up your wallet and Shinra ID, I presume?

*He hands them to him*

Angeal: Oh, wow. That's dangerous. I can't believe I'd lose track of these.

Andrea: Yes, well, when you started stripping you threw your pants into the crowd and the wallet went with it.

Genesis: HAAA!

Angeal, irritated: Where's Cloud?

Andrea: Your friend was never here. You were only a group of four when you were sat at one of the tables, and I do believe Commander Rhapsodos mentioned that you were coming from Sam's Delivery Service.

Zack: The chocobos!! That makes so much sense! Come on guys!

• At Chocobo Sam's

Zack: Excuse us, sir! We're looking for our friend, Cloud. Andrea said that we were here last night, but we can't remember anything.

Sam: Yeah, you were here to rent a chocobo to ride around the market on. But you came here as a group of four. There ain't no Cloud here.

Everyone: WHAT?

Sam: Yeah, but from the way you returned Goldie, all covered in glitter and trinkets, I take it you took her for quite the ride around Wall Market.

Angeal: Goldie??

*Chocobo Sam points at one of the chocobos and suddenly everything makes sense*

Zack: Ohhh, that's right! We never came here with Cloud! It was a chocobo all along!

Genesis: I cannot believe we were fooled by our faulty memory.

Angeal: Yeah, I guess in all the confusion, everything got mixed up, and we ended up thinking the chocobo was Cloud.

Zack: An honest mistake.

Sephiroth: Which he would kill you for if he knew. Excuse me, sir, but I have a question. Would this adorable creature happen to be Goldie's child?

Chocobo Sam: No, son. We ain't got no baby chocobos here. That one there belongs to you.

Sephiroth: I see. It seems this chocobo has become my responsibility, and I wouldn’t dream of parting with it. It’s more than just a creature in my care—it’s my child now, and I’ll protect and nurture it as such.

*The chocobo leaps from his arms and runs to play with the other chocobos, leaving him behind*

Sephiroth:

*Sephiroth drops to his knees*

Sephiroth: BETRAYAL. DISLOYALTY. ABANDONMENT—

*They grab Sephiroth and haul him off kicking and screaming*

Zack: We'll get you a puppy!

Sephiroth: I DON'T DESIRE A PUPPY.

Zack: SLANDER. DEFAMATION. INSULTING—

*Chocobo Sam watches them walk away and disappear around the corner*

Chocobo Sam: This day cannot get any weirder.

*The spell wears off and the baby chocobo turns back into Cloud*

Cloud: SONS OF BITCHES.

Chocobo Sam:

[cosmerelists]

Should You Invite These Cosmere Characters to Boardgame Night?

As requested by anon. :)

I've done two boardgame-related posts before this (I love boardgames): Favorite Boardgames of Each Knights Radiant Order and Should You Invite the Shards to Boardgame Knight?

In this list, allow me to provide some advice about whether or not you should invite these Cosmere characters to your next boardgame night!

1. Adolin: Yes

Adolin is a delight at every social gathering. He brings wine that somebody at the store told him was good. He has fun with every game whether he wins or loses. By the end of the night, he is somehow the best friend of each individual guest.

2. Shallan: Yes

Is she cheating? Maybe. But she makes a lot of puns and you know that if she tries to cheat TOO much, Radiant will stop her.

3. Kaladin: No

He wins everything. It's annoying. He joined Settlers of Katan twenty minutes late and STILL won. How does he do it???

4. Kelsier: Yes

At first you were admittedly intimidated, as Kelsier kept smiling to himself and saying things like "Just wait until I reveal my Master Plan!" But actually, he kinda loses games...a lot. Keeps smiling, though, so you assume he's having a good time! What a good sport!

5. Vin: Only if you like losing

Like Kaladin, Vin wins all. the. time. But unlike Kaladin, she doesn't come late & then win in a blaze of sudden glory, no. She simply...destroys you. Continuously and brutally for the entire night.

6. Harmony: No

No offense to Harmony, who's a good dude 'n' all, but man, he takes FOREVER to make his next move. It's like--we're playing Sorry. You either move forward 10 or back 1. It's just two choices! How is he thinking for like 10 billion years??

7. Lopen: Maybe

Lopen likes to play around and tease people. He MAY mock you a little too much when your attempt to "Draw 2" him backfires and you find yourself drawing 8 cards in Uno... but other than that, he's a good time.

8. Blushweaver: Maybe

You didn't realize checkers even COULD be played as "Strip Checkers."

9. Tien: Yes

Tien is mostly concerned with making sure that everyone else is having a good time. Even after he gets killed during a round of "Werewolves," he continues to grin and encourage the rest of you to have a good time. W-Wait, why do you suddenly feel like crying?

10. Skar: Yes

Like Tien, Skar also seems chiefly concerned with making sure everyone else has a good time. Bonus: he's GREAT at explaining the rules!

11. Lightsong: Depends on how competitive you are

Ask yourself this: if there's a guy there who wins every game despite clearly and loudly not understanding the rules, would that be fun? If yes, then go for it. If no, then don't invite Lightsong--he doesn't understand how to play Hearts and he doesn't care to, yet he has shot the moon TWICE.

12. Nale: No

No one likes a rules lawyer.

13. Shai: Yes

Shai knows all of these obscure, complicated games that actually turn out to be really fun!

14. Hoid: No

Hoid knows all of these obscure, complicated games and while he does explain the rules, you can't shake the feeling that he's actually playing by an entirely different set of rules that he's not being totally honest about...

15. Elend: Yes

Elend was born to participate in board game nights weekly.

16. Telsin: No

She cheats 100% of the time. You didn't even know it was POSSIBLE to cheat in Connect 4, but she somehow found a way...

17. Raboniel: Well...

Raboniel is ENORMOUSLY competitive and cares very deeply about winning...but she also respects the game. She is surprisingly gracious about losing despite her eyes blazing with the heat of ten million suns as she slapped down that 7-letter word in Scrabble. Yet when you responded with your own, better 7-letter word, clinching the victory, you could tell that she respected you for it.

...But on the other hand, you've been clammy with fear sweats for 45 minutes now.