#Don't just leave the closet
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aro-in-danyl ยท 1 year ago
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Trans Fem Alastor AU
"So are ALL of your friends woman?"
Alastor looks up from his book and tilted his head at Angel, briefly dislodging Nifty who was crafting him a new King Roach 2.0 crown.
"Whatever do you mean my good fellow? Husker's right behind you!"
Husk scowled and pointedly flipped him off while drinking straight from a bottle of vodka.
Angel patted his paw and took the bottle away with his other hand. "I mean a guy you don't have on your pay role."
Alastor hummed, "Woman are much better conversation partners. Witty, charming, and full of pizazz! Men just can't compare."
Vaggie poked her head into the room, and hearing this, grunted in agreement, "For once, can't say I disagree with you."
Angel exaggeratedly placed his hand over his heart and gasped like he'd been betrayed.
Lucifer was a bit suspicious, "You know, that sounds like something you'd say to describe yourself."
Nifty finished the crown and bestowed it upon Alastor with a flourish and a bow. He gave Lucifer a mocking smile, "I'm flattered you think so, I'd only be so fortunate."
Angel stopped antagonizing Vaggie and jokingly said, "to be a woman?"
Alastor laughed, this time like Angel had said something absurdly obvious, "Well yes, wouldn't everyone?"
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jikimo-world ยท 7 months ago
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C: "May I help you? I don't want you to get stressed out"
G: "You're really nice, but it's not necessary, I can- Where you taking me? There's not even a printer in there- "
C: "Sorry; but I wasn't talking about your prints"
G: "..."
G: "OH... you want to- okay"
Tw: Nsfw-ish/suggestive
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adhdo5 ยท 3 months ago
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Likr not to harp on this point more but what even is Nielan without the bro code. Without the plausible deniability. They are not anywhere NEAR that well adjusted.
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gideonisms ยท 11 months ago
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you can quit your shit job but what they never tell you is there is no way out of the labyrinth
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the-blossica-fan ยท 1 month ago
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Mesmer: Can we go to a haunted house? It'll be enriching for you and for me.
Vertin: Whatโ€™s wrong with the one we live in?
Mesmer: ...Wh... What?
Voyager, from behind her: Goodnight, Mesmer. ^-^
Even better if you consider that Tuesday and Jessica could join forces for a prank ๐Ÿ˜ˆ
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brittlebutch ยท 1 year ago
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a lot of people seem to use Entry #61 as 'proof' for the crux of the "Brian didn't care about Tim, he was Taking Advantage of Tim's conditions and Forcing him to work as part of totheark" thing, but honestly when you think about it there's no possible way Brian could have possibly orchestrated that series of events, like you almost have to interpret that as a baffling group of coincidences
#N posts stuff#mh lb#it's not like Brian has loads of mutual friends that he could ask to call Tim out one night; Tim's departure right as Brian showed up#just has to be a coincidence ; second yes. Brian does steal Tim's meds & that's a dick move but it's almost safe to assume#that Tim and Brian had been sharing prescriptions back in S1 - that's why the pills were at Brian's house that time Jay broke in#even if Tim no longer remembers that agreement it's not like Brian is brimming with other options so i can see the throughline of it#but there's NO way that Brian knew that 1) Tim was going to immediately turn around and come back home OR#2) be in the throes of an attack when he did so ; there's no Possible way he planned for that -- even if you Could assume that like. what#Brian 'knows' the operator is following him & Somehow orchestrated an encounter 1) no that doesn't make any sense and#2) that Still doesn't make any sense bc Tim has been Plenty Close to the Operator before w/ almost no negative effects (like in#Entry 17 when it's Right behind him) so there's no possible way Brian could have predicted that would unfold this way#sure it's weird he sets up the camera in the closet before Tim comes back but that Could Have been something unrelated#after all sometimes Brian DOES deliberately put himself on camera so someone knows he's responsible for something#or maybe he even planned to leave the camera there for later but it doesn't make Sense to interpret that as him Knowing what would happen#like don't get me wrong i'm not trying to say Brian is a pinnacle of ethics and moral behavior lmfao but also it's like#a kind of incomprehensible argument to make that he was Responsible for Triggering Tim's seizure that night when for all the#information Brian had on hand when he broke in he'd think Tim probably wouldn't be back home until much later#(''but the Creators Clearly intended'' yeah sure but since the creators also failed to establish a coherent series of events that SHOW#it then like. the intent doesn't matter anymore; sure they scripted the events in close succession but that doesn't mean they#scripted Intent & if they meant to then they did a bad job portraying it to the point the supposed intent is meaningless sorry lmao)#and EVEN IF you get this far and you're Still like 'but tim went after Jay and Brian would've Known he'd do that' like. no he wouldn't#because in Entry 18 when we see Tim have a seizure the first thing he does when jay approaches him after it is Run Away#so Again there's no consistent throughline of behaviors that Brian could have Possibly known about to orchestrate jack shit
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the-casbah-way ยท 22 days ago
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even though i really love what hrt is doing to me it has made me so self conscious because i know my body is changing more visibly now and i don't like the idea that people who know me very well will be able to see that. i just hate the idea of people looking at me. and i worry that the people i care about will like me less the more they look at me because i'm ugly
#some of my mum's family keep calling me fat now bc of the t weight gain as well which is irritating to me#1) i'm still clinically underweight according to the doctor 2) so fucking what if i was. why is it my problem that you're archaic#if you think being fat is bad that's like. fully your problem. that's on you. grow up and get a grip#and also i'm already hyper aware of the fact that my body has changed. i don't need you to keep drawing attention to it#it's frustrating because like. i WANT to gain weight. i feel way better abt how i look and i feel like i'm more attractive#but they keep making me feel guilty for it and like everyone is silently noticing and judging me for it#it's like. the whole time you've known me i've been miserable and consistently trying to off myself#i also spent my ENTIRE childhood and teen years taking care of my siblings + grandmother bc you guys couldn't be arsed#and now i'm finally doing something for myself that is making me way happier and you can't let me have that#i still have to see them regularly because they're living with my grandmother who i am obligated to visit#partly because she's ill and partly because i'm the one who does all her chores that she can't do anymore#because you guessed it. the family members living with her just sit around doing fuck all so i have to do it all instead#and last weekend i spent five hours raking leaves + moving bricks so when i came back in i was starving#and AS SOON as i started eating my (fake)auntie was like. girl you eat too much.#BROTHER ?????????? suck my fat cock ??? leave me alone ?????????#being so Out in the real world vs being so insanely Closeted in front of my family is so ew#it reminds me of being a closeted teenager living at home feeling like i was constantly harbouring this embarrassing evil secret#when really i'm just putting gel on my arm every day and eating five packets of ramen in one sitting#when i'm in queer spaces / on my own / having sex i feel so good abt myself i don't have an ounce of dysphoria#and then i go home and it's like oh. i'm actually the most disgusting evil creature on this planet and i deserve death#whatever. trans people and lesbians think i'm hot and i got mad head game so who gives a fuck
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werewolfsquadron ยท 27 days ago
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actually if you have a queer reading of Glinda in the Wicked musical/film you're being true to the source material
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suffercerebral ยท 4 months ago
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i wonder if my ex best friend remembers my birthday every year the way i remember hers
#haven't really thought about her in a while#hope she's well#i don't think she remembers it#i often feel like i'm leaving flowers at the graves of people from my past#lately i've been haunted by thoughts and dreams about people i used to love#and i will always love all of them#no matter how badly i got hurt in the process#a piece of me fractures off when i love someone and i wish they'd keep that piece tucked away somewhere in the closet and dust it off somet#imes. i stil have every letter#every gift every photo every silly thing i've saved over the years#and i know that no one does the same for me#i wonder what my ex did with the drawings i made them after they dumped me for their ex. were they thrown out and forgotten#or maybe did they keep them in a drawer somewhere to find a few years down the line and remember my face. my voice. my laugh#i still have the letter i started writing for them about a week before they left where i was saying i regretted not telling them i loved th#and sometimes i wonder had they seen the finished product if things would be different#my reluctance to admit my love out of fear of being forgotten results in abandonment more often than not#my girlfriend now swears the pattern isn't going to repeat but i've heard that song before and lately i haven't felt safe#and loved the way i once did. she tells me to talk to my therapist. but i don't think it's in my head. i told her if she's thinking of#leaving to just do it now and spare me the pain of love burning out slowly#and maybe she'll listen and that terrifies me#i am my own biggest burden
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deepwoundsandfadedscars ยท 1 month ago
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Whelp, it's finally happened. Had a nightmare that I woke up screaming from ๐Ÿซ 
#kee speaks#more like woke up and yelled cause it looked like the thing from the dream was still standing over me#already dont remember events leading up to ot#*it; but i was driving my truck snd shoulder checked before turning into my driveway and saw a corgi sitting by the curb a few feet before#had a thought of like wonder if thats an escapee or would i get bit if i went to check on it#completely forgot about it when i pulled into my garage and remotely shut the overhead door before going inside#which i found my family in there (essentially looking how we just had xmas last night)#conversation ensued and then we were leaving my house and i was taking my own vehicle so i exit into the garage#while everyone else went out the front door and i hit the button for the overhead as i walked to my truck where i paused at the door#my moms suburban was parked perpendicular to my garage door and blocked half of it so i couldn't see the street#but I'd remembered the corgi and paused to see if it would come investigate with the door open#well it did but there were like 6 other absolutely massive dogs with it that all came tearing around the suburban and knocked me over#and one of them was a rottweiler that went straight for my throat#i woke up at that point but when i opened my eyes my cats were both laying on me which they're both not exactly small#and at the foot of my bed there is a tall but narrow freestanding closet (ikea thing) and on top of it is a rolled up poster i havent hung#but the cabinet is black and the roll sticks off the top just enough that in the dark i could see the silhouette against the white walls#and it looked just like the silhouette of a rottweiler standing over me ๐Ÿซ #so i yelled and the cats scattered#figured out what i was looking at before I even turned on the lamp but holy moly#happened like 5 minutes before my alarm went off too#i don't know why it was dogs ive never really had a fear of them#i did get bit across the face when i was like 6 but it wasnt a rottweiler- hell i havent even SEEN a rottweiler in years#but dogs in general dont usually make me nervous ๏ฟฝ๏ฟฝ\_(ใƒ„)_/ยฏ#idk but one of my cats is purring for me now
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mootmuse ยท 10 months ago
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the downside of subscribing to a substack telling me about US trans news: i now know about US trans news
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unproduciblesmackdown ยท 1 year ago
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already was musing on how like, here's an intro that's Establishing Things, and it's like, does it matter that we were given a quants interaction of winston being like "hey you were nice to me there, actually. it reminds me of how" only for rian to pull the nice maneuvers of not wanting to listen to him share anything, being willing to just issue an order to someone about what he gets to do (talk for ten seconds) and doing so, then some underwhelming flair used to insult him surely, i guess that he's so stupid(tm) or whatever. like, wondering does that mean anything really that that was just about rian being an asshole, as has been sprinkled in before, just little moments that deadend with winston just feeling Disheartened b/c rian was shitty for no reason. does it mean anything that she did anything for the quant duo before that in refusing a chance to not sit next to him. theoretically just a [we're still tmc] kind of choice to stick together, and sure didn't move her to even treat him like a person she dislikes, just a nonperson she also dislikes
and relatedly it's going to be just as hilarious as rian, what, implying winston hasn't heard / of the french language, that the theory that rian and dollar bill become some kind of duo based on being Hilarious(tm) but also just terrible to any & everyone and bullying people has only more plausible, And that this episode of billions' introduction / establishment of dollar bill is decidedly centered around "yeah nobody likes this guy or can stand to deal with him. not even the people paid to be there, not even the self-declared Too Nice guy who kept choosing hanging out with dollar bill & his bullying over working & hanging out with his friend taylor" so it sure doesn't seem like that's leaving much room for [oh that was an oversight] if dollar bills going to fuck off into mpc hq on the regular and rian's immediately going to be like of course i can roll with this fuckin asshole
and truly a distillation of "rian's supposedly gets the 'good' treatment of More Material & being taken more seriously by other characters, but this only meant that instead of any sense of character &/or her own actual subplots ever, she's whatever a different more prominent character needs for their plot at any given time; winston's peripheral funny little guy unimportance & insulting treatment is still so much better re: being a character" if winston gets the worst treatment of being shoved out of mpc by episode three and rian is graced with hanging around most or all season only to be judged & condemned to now have that loss of [quant duo] replaced with being insufferable bullying horrible person dollar bill's New Friend and like, right away, with ease. and like i was saying like i would not argue with that, if rian had the consistent principle of treating anyone with basic respect she wouldn't be treating winston as a nonperson, and of course she has a broader capacity for being an asshole to anyone at any point that's just drier and less [outbursts of physical aggression] than dollar bill's style.
no idea what rian's overall arcs could be when yknow, why is she here, why has she stayed here, her most relevance right now gets to be "has the dialogue capacity to talk about getting prince with a sex scandal. also has zero thoughts on how power factors into one rather than that you just need to be polite about it?" which only feels truly character specific when held up against "rian was supposedly bullied but also Above even hating the people who did it. but she is also a bully and not even especially emotionally detached about it, even though how she treats winston is more important than how she feels about it" like basically "also a bully" is her most coherent deal. and it's just Interesting that simply being mean to winston is again basically pointed out, and her future bestie or [put in the same shots duo status] dollar bill is Impending but the episode was like "yeah of course everyone hates this guy, for being awful" and the joke nonjoke the whole time that unfortunately rian might get along just fine with bill as workplace (and probably also life in general, it's not a honed strategy they limit to the office) bullies
so that That's what rian gets for getting to stick around, while winston Might get to be shoved out of the fund hq with any character flair from him and, i do unfortunately have to wonder harder now, maybe any relevance afforded to the way people have treated him, indeed maybe rian especially, his personal bully and abusive friend. and because other people also see rian as better than him & maybe also winston as [not a person], if winston does anything that's indeed deliberately petty, mean, Angry, etc, towards rian, That will be seen as unacceptable vs the yknow checks notes years of cruel interpersonal treatment from rian to winston, but nothing hangs in the balance on that front, people won't suddenly be like "nice. winston's a person to me now, which, why am i even in a position to Decide that" if he's shoved out & goes quietly & politely and creates no problems in return. and, very much like dollar bill, i don't think rian will change, but for winston's own sake it would be Heartening if he voices his experience such that we know he knows it was bullshit, even though of course rian, and probably anyone else, isn't going to choose to listen past 5 seconds, least of all when he's clearly indicating a general state of irritation. rooting for flair and idiosyncrasy for him and indeed that the best sources for that could be with taylor, please, the person he's always been here for, rian, the person for years now bullying him more than she does anyone else or more than anyone else does to winston, and even fun if there's anything with tuk his apparent genuine friend tuk, and by "fun" i mean "such a delight i daren't really think much abt it From Canon"
anyways the tl;dr i suppose is that winston getting apparently thrown away in the first third of the season is insulting treatment but rian getting to stay and be dollar bill's wretched bestie is truly the worse fate and basically that distillation of like. oh winston's bringing it on himself he's so annoying nobody likes him, while in actuality all the ways he's never fit in or done things "right" and how he would never have been hired if taylor hadn't done it are all compliments and endorsements. while rian's been viewed as a capable valuable person by all from the start and treated as Better Than even others who are still also seen people, but her "success" and the shit she gets to continue to do in how she treats people b/c nothing about being at work stops that and some things facilitate & reward it, see: also dollar bill being around the whole time & now also back, definitely include treating a friendly coworker any which way, which she usually chooses to be: badly. and of course shoutout to the thread of taylor being like "if you stay btw you'll probably get all fucked up" but like also rian just Brought the [i'm a bully but it's fine when i do it. it's bad when it happens to Me] stance from the start, but like, obviously always the opportunity to get worse and just be left off with that implication of Never Trying To Learn, just like your new good friend dollar bill
real tl;dr As Fates Go winston being shitted on & fired / driven to quit >>>>>>>> rian sticking around, befriending dollar bill. and like not in the way i'm arguing that the fate is worse like In Conceptual Quality. it's just a hell of a potential condemnation / indirect illustration of like, here's this person it's horrible to be around, here's a reminder rian is cruel to this coworker on a dime anytime, here's rian deciding the horrible person is Alright anyways. maybe they'll be busy with a bullying power struggle the whole time. and maybe winston will get to appear outside the fund actually. just really something to be going like "oh my god lmao rian and dollar bill might actually be specifically getting along well as fellow [be horrible to coworkers] bullies and assholes who feel Above It, it being many other people, this being a kind of requirement there" and to be wondering if billions will make this fact that rian's job is being an asshole more relevant at all, if even to be like yeah leaving off with a lost cause here, including that i really doubt winston can Get Through To her even with his ability & willingness to air his grievances, and like, as though oh actually winston brought it upon himself b/c rian just didn't knowww, that's on him and his visible pain & verbal expressions of that pain & requests that she stop which Weren't Enough, and as though maintaining that onesided dynamic for bullying and demeaning and shutting down and abusing was like an unconscious accidental coincidence every time and not its own Active Process, regardless of what the other person does or doesn't do, and with the agenda of maintaining that [i'm the person who chooses how things go; they're the object that reacts accordingly like it's laws of physics level of demands of reality] one-sided relationship, so they'd only just be looking to react to what that other person does or doesn't do in ways that serve those purposes anyway. sometimes rian's "nicer" but she's still the one deciding how everything goes, winston can only roll with it like a ball at the top of a ramp like, of course, unquestionable. cue space winston, zero gravity
haha another tl;dr. winston being disposed of is a warmer Fate to assign a character than rian's potential "of course she's friends with dollar bill now" like lmfao Ouch. but yeah of course.
#one wrench in things is no idea if [winston :/ing at rian hugging taylor out in the open] will play into anything#didn't seem to affect him now and if it was absolute Need To Know we might've been reminded. but it's billions; no guarantees#and similarly; whatever bullshit gets him shoved out &/or leaving on his own is bound to be unguessable#already dealing with tmc problems; being on on the floor; not much taylor time; though their being Away is new / unknown#winston billions#rian could've at least been nonbinary. but they can't be like no NO rian is not [still Questioning] [and in part thus still closeted too]#winston quant billions sees his new nonbinary person he wants to impress & will be penciling in [swoon about it] immediately#at least with taylor he's just largely had to deal with that distance / lack of access already in general#re: rian it's like yeah here's your new devoted bully to sit next to you who Doesn't actually want you to Never talk to her#b/c he has to have hopes to be dashed & speak up to be made to shut up & be more Available in general than if he Avoided her in general#iconic to take your autistic bestie's interest & hang out to engage w/them abt it until you lash out at them over it for chatting abt it#[rian calls winston a slur] is truly there in spirit even if it doesn't manifest#or that the difference in her & dollar bill is in just variations in affect & specific strategies. not in spirit#like she might do the office: you don't call [rworded] ppl [rwords]. it's bad taste. you call your friends [''s] when they're acting [''ed]#but that's also in a world where it's an episode abt everyone hatecriming winston for being himself Out as autistic#and idk if rian would refer to winston as a friend. she would if it kept him strung along with that hope on his end anyways but#5x05 through 5x07 riawin really had so much potential but it's being realized in taylip#and itself became ''yeah rian could get along fine with dollar bill'' b/c she won't regard winston as a person#true of many other people but they want to ignore him most of the time vs use him as a chew toy so
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hooved ยท 2 years ago
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i know everyone's told me to rest because i'm sick but i just can't. it doesn't feel right. i need to do everything i can rn because i'm scared that any second we'll be told to get out NOW
#there's a lot of legal shit going on so i'm really unsure when exactly we'll have to leave#my mom keeps telling me to pack an overnight bag just in case and i know she's right but there's other things i need to do first#plus i'm not leaving my computer here. i'm just not. i can't. it's my most important possession. it keeps me sane if you can call it that#i need to get everything else ready before finishing getting my ''i need these with me at all times'' stuff ready#because so much shit is in the way like i still need to take out trash and do more laundry#and get more things that have already been in boxes forever out of here. also the closet door is stuck so that's a problem#i don't even care about most of the shit in my closet like i know there's stuff from my childhood in there but i don't remember what#other than that it's junk. and decorations i bought for an eventual apartment but when the fuck is that even gonna happen#i know i'm sitting here doing nothing rn as i'm typing this but i'm like mentally stuck on what to do next without my mom's help#and she's not here rn. plus there's some dude that her shitty ex is letting stay downstairs rn ? for some reason ?#and i just don't feel comfortable leaving the room to get food or take out trash or change out the laundry. it's just weird#plus i'm sick and he has a weak immune system and like. i dunno i don't wanna be responsible for that#anyway sorry i'm rambling. i know it's understandable at a time like this but i just feel bad that this is all i'm talking about rn#i'm just so fucking depressed and stressed and tired and i've barely eaten anything for the past few days#i can't even have fun or talk to any friends like i normally do. my brain won't let me and it just doesn't feel right. i can't be happy rn#for even a second. it's just not the right time. there's nothing to be happy about. i have no hope at this point that things will work out
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existentialflirt ยท 2 years ago
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*kicks in door and runs in panting*
What if Xander is an egg and a lot of the friction in his relationships (with women), both romantic and other wise, is because they represent someone he wants to be? That someone being also a woman.
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skrunksthatwunk ยท 2 years ago
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pulled aside by my father to watch a homophobic k&p sketch and just had to sit there like ๐Ÿ˜ฌ and then when i explained it was homophobic he was like "i fear for your sense of humor". christ alive
#look idk anything about k&p maybe they've gotten better. not the point#it's the one where there's a pop duo singing a love song to a crowd of women and one of them keeps coming onto the other guy despite him#being obviously uncomfortable for like. two minutes. and then when the queer guy gets too into it and starts singing about the other#artist's bald head he backpedals and starts singing about being cartoonishly straight#thats the whole thing#the joke is 1. gay guy can't catch a hint and makes straight guy uncomfortable by hitting on him or expressing interest in him#(classic homophobic joke. probably don't need to explain that)#2. when everyone realizes what's going on gay guy stumbles back into the closet in an over the top way#and when i pointed out point 1 to my dad he was like 'i fear for your sense of humor'#im gonna shit bricks#[father's first name] [father's last name] be fucking normal for one second challenge (possible but he's a proud asshole so he won't do it)#i spent so long haha yeahing my problems with what they did away that now whenever i challenge them even slightly and see that they#will not reflect and will not change it's wild. i explained why this was homophobic (less clearly than here but still) and he was like. :/#youre no fun. like ok i actually tried and it Is That Bad. sheeshhhh#the answer is probably to keep trying until they get it bc they think they like queer people but that's. a lot.#(they in this case = my parents. just switched into a broader rant without warning my b)#he rewound it when my mom came out and when it seemed like i was gonna leave too so like... idk what that was about but it feels very#'now that our gay kid's out of the room. cishet wife with a similar sense of humor to me do you think this is homophobic?' to me#and hey maybe that'll be productive and reflective but uh. historically speaking? probably not.#i feel like im not doing enough to make them less shitty or at leaat to stick up for me n my brothers so i gotta keep going and doing more#and theyre not the worst people ever really. so i should do my part so to speak. but man it fucking blows is all#they're so annoyingggg#also why does he talk like that who does that. i mean. i do. but it's bad when he does it#and they ARE capable of change. i had to argue for trans people existing years ago and now they act like that never happened#(granted i was arguing from a cis transmedicalist perspective back then but like. still. (i have grown since age 13 if you can believe it))#so theyre pro trans in a superficial kinda way. which is something. i just wish they'd acknowledge that they were wrong literally ever#it's happened once that i can think of. twas my dad#theyre like emotional and ideological brick walls it's insane#ugh. god gives his most frustrating softcore bigoted parents to his swaggiest gay transsexuals i guess#man what a post to be making soon after the daig o one. what a coincidence that that post materialized with no influence from my life haha
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lastoneout ยท 8 months ago
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Honestly if there's ONE thing I wish I could get all queer people to understand is that if you're in a situation where you know everyone would treat you differently, especially to the point of it putting your life in danger, if they found out you're queer, you aren't experiencing privilege, you're in a hostage situation.
Like sorry experiencing "passing privilege" is actually just being trapped in a room with a bloodthirsty t-rex and having people tell you that you should be thankful because thier vision is based on movement and you can just stand still. It's not a privilege to be erased, to have to lie to everyone around you to stay safe-ish, to have to closet yourself because you know even a single step out of line could be the end of your entire world.
None of us should have to be thankful to stand in front of a loaded gun while the person holding it goes "haha, don't worry, I only use this on faggots, and you're not a fag....right?" Like this is not a net good and it has almost nothing in common with actually being part of a privileged group.
Anyway, Happy Pride, let's leave this shit behind.
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