#Disclaimer: no one has actually been telling me personally that I don't understand any story in particular

[descendant-of-truth]

Shipping is fun and all but I swear every single time someone makes a comment, whether as a joke or in a legitimate analysis, about there being "no other explanation" for a pair's interactions, I lose just a bit more of my sanity

Like, no, you guys don't get it. Romance is not about the Amount of devotion, it's about the COLOR. the FLAVOR of it all. a character can be just as devoted to their platonic friend as they are to their romantic partner, and they don't love either of them more, just differently.

But because the majority of people still have it stuck in their minds that romance exists on the highest tier of love, I'm stuck seeing endless takes that boil down to "these two care about each other too much for it to NOT be romantic" as if that's the core determining factor to how literally any of this works

In conclusion: stop telling me that I don't understand the story if I don't interpret the leads as romantic, I am TIRED

[mostlyihyperfixate]

Okay! Finished "Ace Attorney: Apollo Justice." Wrap-up thoughts, go!

Disclaimer before we get started: These are just my thoughts and feelings. Being my thoughts and feelings does not make them correct. Anyone feeling differently than I do has just as much right to feel that way, and I harbor no ill will towards anyone with other interpretations or thoughts. I also recognize that I haven't played the other two games in this trilogy, which could possibly answer some of my complaints. Also: My mom tells me all the time that no one actually cares about my viewpoint on how stories fall short, so I fully understand that…well, no one might actually care about my viewpoint on how this story fell short.

The last case did not change my ranking. Of the four games I've played now, it's definitely ranked at the lowest. Turnabout Trump was fantastic, but none of the other cases managed to do much to captured my interest. I will allow that Apollo Justice overall had a lot more care to tie everything together than Justice for All did, but it also did so in a way that kind of had me scratching my head.

I think the biggest question I have for everything being tied together is…why are Klavier and Kristoph brothers? What is the narrative purpose here? Having them not be related wouldn't change a single thing about either of them. Klavier is, unfortunately, so bland that he doesn't react in any particularly person way to the reveal with Kristoph. It's just kinda…there. It's pretty much the exact same reaction he had to Daryan being revealed to be a murderer. The only thing I can think of is that Kristoph and Klavier were meant to go toe-to-toe in the trial seven years before, and Klavier trusted Kristoph with the tipoff. But I think there are several other ways that that could have still be true without what I feel is an unnecessary familial tie. Maybe it's a reflection of everyone else having familiar ties? It still feels weird to me.

As does the other stuff. Why did Apollo and Trucy need to be half-siblings? Why did Lamiroir need to be Trucy's mom? Everything is tied together, but ultimately it seems like it was kind of randomly done to make the characters seem closer than for any story-related reason. The game doesn't even end with Trucy or Apollo finding out about their relationship to each other OR to the singer that just HAPPENED to be involved in one of their cases.

And in the end, I feel like it was missing what I loved about the original trilogy: the relationships. I'm not whining because Miles wasn't involved at all. That's whatever. I also loved Phoenix and Maya, and Maya and Pearl, and Phoenix and Pearl, and Miles and Gumshoe, and Mia and Diego, and Mia and Maya, and Franziska and...literally everyone, and the list goes on and on and on and. I sort of feel like Apollo Justice traded out the character-to-character chemistry for over-the-top cartoon antics that left me wanting. I struggled to really care about ANY of these characters that weren't Trucy.

At least the last case did give me more Trucy and Phoenix together. Baby Trucy is so cute! I could have done with more of them, honestly. I get that the game wasn't about Phoenix, so I understand why they didn't do it. But it's about the only relationship I cared about--and it was literally only Baby Trucy and Phoenix.

And so, sadly, I leave this game not particularly interested or even convinced of the two major ships I've seen from it: Klavier/Apollo and Kristoph/Phoenix. If I squint, I can see the first. I really don't get the latter at all.

I've been over Klavier. I don't have anything against him. He's just bland, and he doesn't bring anything to the story or to Apollo as a character. At least if he had an emotional reaction, that would be SOMETHING. He's even just kinda "meh" about his band breaking up. And then the final case has Apollo thinking about the darkness inside Klavier, and how he's going to help remove that darkness, and I just…what darkness? You can't just say there's darkness in the last case and have me buy it! You've already made him different from Miles; don't be trying to recapture the lightning in the bottle with him when it's too late. Either introduce the "darkness" earlier, or work with what you've got.

Kristoph was a boring final boss, too. I felt like he was handfed to me as the culprit, and the entire time I was playing through the investigation segment, I was just like, "But WHY did he murder a magician?! WHAT could he gain from this?!" Only to find out he didn't actually kill the magician and the whole thing was just…he was mad that Phoenix took over a case from him, which is kinda of the same boring "because I'm evil, that's why" motivation that makes Matt Engarde not very interesting to me. But at least Engarde was difficult to overcome! He was entertaining in his evilness, and it was satisfying to win against him! But you don't even get the satisfaction of defeating Kristoph. He's literally about to walk away when someone just HAPPENS to mention the jurist system, and then Kristoph shoots himself in the foot not by admitting to anything but by insulting on the non-lawyers he's explicitly told are involved. What?

Whatever happened to all his black psyche-locks anyway?

I felt like it was all downhill for culprits, really. Kristoph was great in the first one. The nurse was a little transparent in Turnabout Corner, but the twist with her and the doctor was pretty good. And then Darayan was A) incredibly obvious from the minute he turned up on screen and B) incredibly boring. His motive was to make money. Okay. Look, I realize that's very realistic and all, but it's not very interesting. And the Kristoph again in the last case was disappointing.

I guess the games have never been super subtle with their culprits. It's always one of, like, five people, max, that you run into. But at least it was fun trying to piece together their motivations. Unfortunately, I also felt like this game was a lot easier than the previous three. I never came close to getting a game over once. Being able to figure everything out instantly not only derived me of one of the pleasures of the game, but also meant that I didn't have anything BUT the weaker motivations to go off of.

I hadn't seen or read a lick of anything about this game before I started, in contrast to having watched people play the first game and half the second. And the only two things that surprised me here were that Lamiroir was Trucy's mom (no, I did not peg that they had the same hair) and that Valant didn't kill his mentor (which I was genuinely pleased to see…the twist that the man killed himself was admittedly pretty good).

And then every single time poker came up, we had to spend five minutes shouting about how we absolutely definitely never ever ever ever GAMBLED because gambling is ILLEGAL, children! I wonder if they did play for money in the Japanese version, but they had to make it clear there wasn't gambling involved in the English version for the same reason the game corner got removed in Pokemon. I guess I get it, but it's kind of distracting.

I'm looking forwarding to playing the next two games. I hope I like Athena! I'm already not excited about the 3D artwork. I have seen renderings of Miles and, like, ick. There's nothing wrong with 2D art, you know? But I'm a bit bummed to see that Phoenix comes back as the star. I want to see more of him back in the saddle, but ultimately I feel that Apollo never got a chance to shine. I finished his game knowing only one more thing about him than I did at the beginning: That he's got a mom and a half-sister.

In the end, I don't think this was a bad game. I just don't think it was what it could have been, and it fell short of its predecessors for me.

Next time: Orca case???? Maybe????? I thought that was a joke but I've seen enough fanart to make me suspect otherwise.

[mastersoftheair]

Sorry but am I the only one that thought that episode…sucked? Like it was straight up bad. Horrible pacing, no wrap up of all the random characters and plot lines they’ve thrown around all season (the tuskegee airmen, Westgates spying, literally all the guys beside like the main 4). (Seriously it makes me so mad that the three redtails got all of 5 seconds of screen time, almost no lines. Literally what was the point of introducing them other than to pretend the show was iNcLuSiVe) Even at the end of BoB and the Pacific you get a much better idea of what happened to all the remaining guys. In this they’re like what happened to DeMarco or Hambone or Brady or (insert character here) we don’t know! ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ The concentration camp scene felt shoehorned in compared to how it was done in BoB. Unless that actually happened to Rosie (which i haven’t heard anything about) but it was just like.. ok? It all felt so rushed and emotionless to me. Maybe I’ve just fallen out of love with MoTA but it’s been downhill for me since episode 6 or so.

i already made a little (read: long) post-finale write-up here, where i talk about the use of the tuskegee airmen, l'sandra, and overall editing/pacing issues i felt the show had. but i don't agree with the notion that adding the redtails was in any way insincere or trying to halfass being "iNcLuSiVe", i just think they suffer from this show's obvious time constraints. and to summarize what i wrote in my linked post, there's a limit to what white writers/directors/producers can do when creating a story about black people. there are some stories i'd feel uncomfortable with them telling on their own, truth be told. dee rees wasn't the sole nonwhite director, but she Was the only black one. i think she did her job well given the limitations and i appreciate that they let her direct those episodes, rather than leaving it up to a team of white people trying their best to tell a black story.

the worst i can say about the finale is that it didn't feel like That strong of finale, tho i wouldn't go as far to say it "sucked" or call it "straight up bad". i liked it plenty, it's just the weakest of the hbo war finales imo.

as for the concentration camp scene, artistic license was taken with both shows. unlike what's seen in the BoB, easy company wasn't the first to arrive at kaufering, and there's 0 mention of the all-japanese american 552nd who helped them liberate it). similarly, rosie rosenthal did assist in liberating those camps, though it would've been after the events shown this episode. idk if he saw one in that up-close way seen in this episode, but he could've (i should research this when i have time). plus, it would've felt weird Not having him acknowledge them at all. "shoe-horned" is an odd term to use here imo, as both scenes more-or-less center a jewish character (BoB's liebgott and MotA's rosie). the former show has survivors the characters can help, the latter shows no one left to help. the former has all of easy company there, the latter has rosie there all alone. rosie's scene felt deeply personal in that way. at the end of the day, both scenes are communicating different things. that doesn't make one better than the other when they aren't trying to be identical. (disclaimer, i'm not jewish, so i'd be interesting hearing from the perspective of someone who wrt whether or not they felt it was "shoe-horned")

i can understand if you've disliked the show post-episode 6 (and episode 6 was a very strong episode i'm ngl). eps 7 and 8 were weaker in many ways, even to me, so i get it. everyone's entitled to their own opinion (i'd be a hypocrite saying otherwise). just understand that this blog is run by someone who overall enjoys this show despite its flaws! basically, i encourage you to take this energy and make your own posts.

[i-am-neutral-on-pear-aib]

The entire scene with Pitchfork in AIB 5 may have been brief, but the glimpse it gives us into her and her psyche is wonderfully done and I NEED to talk about it.

(essay under the cut, aib spoilers)

(just a quick disclaimer, I apologize if any of my writing is incoherent or biased. Pitchfork is a comfort character of mine and I've been doing quite poorly mental health wise. Nevertheless I do hope you enjoy this essay! Writing about characters brings me a lot of comfort and I'm glad I've got to share it through this little Pear blog :])

From what I've seen when looking across the AIB fandom, there's a large split in-between opinions on characters like Glowstick and Pitchfork. Unfortunately and unsurprisingly, I find that the majority of viewers on the younger side of the audience seem to dislike "mean" characters without really getting to know them all too well. One of AIB's major assets is the idea that no-one is truly black or white, despite whatever your opinion on them may be. Characters like Alef, Pear, and Pitchfork are characters that you feel like you already have an understanding of when you first meet them, but as the episodes progress you begin to see more complex sides to them, seeing how they truly are the more that you get to know them. One wonderful example of this is in the latest episode (at least of writing this) AIB 5, where we get a quick scene of Pitchfork on her own, ranting to a plush of Glowstick.

At this point in the story, Domino has pretty much taken the leadership role of Team 5, and Pitchfork has been on her own for...canonically days, in fact. They've already made themselves clear that they want nothing to do with Pitchfork anymore, not after she broke the claw machine in AIB 3 during a fit of overwhelming anger. It's almost ironic (and probably purposefully done) how as soon as Bone starts to rise among the ranks in his team, Pitchfork falls out of favor with hers, and is now being treated exactly how Bone was before. She has no-one, not that she's aware of, and so what does she do?

She goes to the only person she knew cared about her.

One of the important themes in dissecting how Pitchfork talks to herself and the Glowstick plush itself vs her actions and what she does, and how they seem to actively contradict each other as she continues. I don't necessarily believe that Pitchfork actually cares about Glowstick- considering that would (in my opinion) be a huge botch of her character and arc, but the act of even getting the Glowstick plush in the first place to talk to shows that Pitchfork is...getting lonely. Although she would adamantly try to say otherwise. She has literally no-one else to talk to! And even when she does talk to this plush she tries to convince herself that she doesn't need to, doesn't want to! Even when she actively betrays with her actions what she's trying to build up as this "I don't need anyone" attitude, she's still trying to convince herself more than anyone else.

There would be absolutely no reason for her to even do this in the first place if she was telling the truth to herself, and her internal struggle with her guilty conscience quite literally manifests itself later in the physical form of all her internal conflict.

Another thing to note here is that Pitchfork is right about one thing: it isn't her fault that Glowstick was eliminated. Although her way of letting down Glowstick was about as gentle as 28 consecutive stab wounds in the chest, she had every right to be that rude when Glowstick was continually harassing her, and she shouldn't be to blame for Team 1 failing and losing a member. No means no, and the fact that Pitchfork had to be even blunter than "I DON'T LIKE YOU" (from AIB 1) in order to get it to set in is a fault on Glowstick more than anything. Despite this, Pitchfork is beginning to feel some form of guilt for just how harshly she's treated people, even though her actions towards Glowstick were justified.

Apologies if I once again sound like a broken record, but what this entire scene seems to be doing is hammering home that her own justifications are falling apart. Having to try and reassure herself that "none of it is her fault" despite her thoughts leading elsewhere...and back to Glowstick, who's kind of becoming a symbol of when everything fell apart. I don't believe that Pitchfork was 100% at fault during the AIB 3 fight, as one of AIB's wonderful strengths is that no-one is truly in the right and wrong. In fact I'd say that a lot of the team did unfairly gang up on her when she seemed to genuinely forget about the operating rules (Also Creamy blaming her for Chip Bag's death still makes absolutely no sense to me). Nevertheless, she tries to bury herself in denial, but it seems to be leaving her frustrated more than anything. Why can't she just say and believe that it's all their fault? Why does she keep thinking about Glowstick, the only person who seemed to ever care, when she keeps saying she doesn't need anyone?

OH I need to stop myself from just aggressively keysmashing here I have SO many emotions about this scene OH MY GOD I AM SHAKING AS I TYPE THIS HOLY SHIT I AM SO SORRY

The fact that this entire scene is Pitchfork's own mind, personified through the physical manifestation of her own internal conflict, means that this entire thing is her mind battling against itself. My interpretation of this conflict is Pitchfork's battle of "I did nothing wrong" versus "I did/do everything wrong". Both sides of which have their own flaws attached to them, but they're both portrayed in a realistic manner. It's a common thing for many of us to be unable to realize that accepting that you did something wrong doesn't make you a horrible person. Pitchfork is starting to realize that the things she may have done may have been wrong, and that she can't blame her team (that she DOES feel regret for) for everything that happened. But at the same time, that regret begins to pour over into the other extreme which manifests into Glowstick, harshly jabbing at her almost in the same blunt way that she had acted before.

I find it interesting that throughout the hallucination scene, Glowstick's hallucination seemed to go between first-person and third-person when referring to Glowstick himself, and usually seems to go with whatever will hurt Pitchfork the most. From "Poor Glowstick's heart" to later "That's what I loved about you", Pitchfork's mind is not being kind to her right now, and it goes from bitter truths at best to practically self loathing at worst.

Another thing about this scene specifically is that it confirms to me that Pitchfork really does care about her teammates. She wants to be a good leader for them, and the fact that it was mentioned with everything else tends to prove it for me. Even if she can't seem to trust them to pull their own weight sometimes, she wants to be a trusted leader. And the fact that she can't do that is causing her enough internal anguish for "Glowstick" to mention it. She regrets her outbursts of anger and the destruction they cause, she doesn't mean to break anything. And yet she does, and the almost powerless feeling when you feel like you break whatever you touch is something that I know from a personal experience.

Pitchfork couldn't get herself to look at the votes back in AIB 4. She wanted to believe that Pear got the most votes, that it wasn't her fault that they lost the game. But this scene right here really shows that everything that "Glowstick" is saying is things Pitchfork already knew, but didn't want to believe. She already felt guilty, but wanted to pretend she didn't. Because if she didn't, it wouldn't hurt her as much that her team no longer wanted her, right?

As much as Pitchfork wants to block it out, she can't anymore. Not when her thoughts that she pushed to the back of her mind had finally spilled out, represented by the symbol of her conflict itself. She...really does have nothing. I mean, she was talking to a plush of the person she hates, for crying out loud. And once again, whenever Pitchfork gets into a stressful situation, she lashes out with anger and attacks the Glowstick plushie, effectively ending the hallucination. But that doesn't mean what happened won't have an effect on her, and we can only see what happens with her character as more episodes release.

And I find it awfully interesting how they hint at someone else watching it all unfold.

[hagoftheholler]

🙋🏻‍♀️🙋🏻‍♀️🙋🏻‍♀️🙋🏻‍♀️🙋🏻‍♀️ I want housekeeping horror stories!!!

This one actually features some people. Characters: BD (bitch of a daughter), EM (entitled mother), AM (assistant manager) and another housekeeper.

It's a pretty good day so far. I'm on one the floors, exiting a housekeeping closet. I was up there trying to find something for one of the other housekeepers, and as I'm exiting the closet I hear shouting coming from one of the rooms. Now, keep in mind, it is broad daylight but most hotels have rules regarding keeping the peace. Noise complaints made during the day are addressed.

I call my AM and I'm like "So, uh, I'm next to the closet and I can hear screaming coming from a room at the end of the hallway. It sounds like somebody is arguing. What do I do here?" My AM simply told me to knock on the door, as if everything was fine and we heard there was some commotion happening. I'm like alright, same thing as any other noise complaint issue. As I'm hanging up the phone, BD comes storming out the room and towards the elevator: towards me. Naturally, since she's the one who left (keep in mind this isn't a child: she's easily in her late teens), I asked her "ma'am, is everything okay? we're concerned about shouting being heard in the hallway". Mind you, I'm fucking concerned for this woman's wellbeing.

Immediately this girl is yelling at me, saying things along the lines of "Everything is fine" "My baby is sick" "Leave us the fuck alone" "Mind your own business"

Disclaimer: When you're renting a room in a hotel, your business becomes our business when it disturbs the peace. If you're in your room screaming, arguing and fighting... regardless of what time of day or night it is... it becomes the staff's business. Either control yourselves, or leave, because you're renting a room. Not the entire hotel. There are other guests, who are there for varying reasons and believe it or not people want some peace and quiet. Even then, if an employee is asking you if you're okay, take it as a good sign. ANYTHING could be happening, and staff has to be prepared to act. That sometimes means calling the cops to protect a person, because again, anything could be happening.

Moving on. I'm doing a double take, and I'm thinking I know this bitch did not just say that to me when I pulled out my nice/concerned mother tone and trying to make sure she's okay. I'm autistic and working in the hospitality industry y'all: I literally force myself to be cheery and nice looking/sounding towards guests. I ask her "excuse you?" and she repeats herself. I simply tell her "It's understandable to be upset in your current situation but you don't have to talk to people like that" and walk away.

By now I am red-faced, blinded by anger cause I literally can't cuss back at this guest without risking my job. So I go down to my AM and I'm like "They gotta go" because yes, how you talk to people matter. If you're gonna be talking to a concerned employee like that you ain't got any business being there.

So, AM calls the EM and gets info. Turns out EM and BD were arguing, and it got heated. While they have been moody and rude before, it wasn't as bad as this situation. My AM decided since they were long-term guests they could have one more chance. I told my AM she'd regret it.

A week later, these people are scheduled to receive housekeeping services. Another housekeeper was assigned to that room, and she described it as "it was destroyed". Many hotels have policies regarding cleanliness, and you can be kicked out for leaving your room a huge mess... especially if you have refused housekeeping services before.

The housekeeper was right. Even one of the walls had to be repainted cause it was permanently stained. Due to us having previous issues with them, we decided to give them a few hours to pack up and go. We called EM and let her know how much time she had, and when I tell you she was a goddamn jackass. She came back to the hotel yelling at one of my coworkers, saying all kinds of rude things I won't repeat here, saying housekeepers were lying... but the state of that room was fucking proof??

I'm not the one who cleaned that room, but I did see the conditions it was in after they left. It wasn't good, and the smell was really bad. Like... old used diapers bad.

[an-aroaces-harem]

Ivy Melty Chapter 22

DISCLAIMER: I just deepl and google translated my way through this because I wanted to know what’s going on, so there are definitely mistakes but I believe I managed the general gist of the story. Anyway, it’s just a fan-made translation solely for entertainment purposes. Morganatic Idol belongs to Cybird and ABC Frontier, Inc.

In the reception room of Aerolight, the members of exe and Sakura were gathered.

Ivy: I have something to tell you guys about the Essence commercial.

Xeno: You told me that you would contact Aegis via Essence regarding the results of the presentation.

Jace: Oh yeah, that's right. So when does the filming start?

Ivy: Oh, actually ...

Ivy announced his future plans for the Essence commercial ...

The idea of Rina's project was communicated to the members to be carried out by Corsa.

Ivy: After discussing the options with exe, I told Essence that I would choose Corsa, but with some conditions.

Hugh: ... Eh, why?

Finn: Why the hell are you doing this? What's wrong with Aegis!?

Ivy: The contract between Hana and Aegis has already expired. So it doesn't matter which agency we use, right?

Jace: The contract? Really?

Ivy: We chose her project. If we're going to make it, why not go with Corsa, the biggest company in the country?

Xeno: ... Well, you have a point. If the rights issues can be resolved, that might be possible ...

Sakura Eito: But Kawanaga-chan could just have resigned with Aegis, I think?

Ivy: No, Aegis isn't a good choice if we're going to use her project.

Ivy: You all know how she was treated, don't you?

Ivy: Any further involvement with Aegis would only be detrimental to her.

Jace: ... Well. It seemed like she was bullied quite a bit, so I can understand Ivy's point of view.

Hugh: Housekeeper-san ... felt so sorry for her ...

Ivy: So this is the best course of action. She'll be able to work freely in a new environment.

Ivy: I'm sure she'll make a great commercial. It's the best way for exe to go, isn't it?

Finn: Well, maybe so, but ...

Ivy: Then it's decided.

He looked around at the members with a smile on his face, and they all nodded their heads, seeing no reason to object.

But the members seemed a bit puzzled.

It was natural to feel uncomfortable with Ivy, who appeared calm and normal, yet acted in fact quite forceful.

Sakura Eito: ... As long as everyone agrees, I don't mind. So, Kawanaga-chan, are you joining Corsa from now on?

Ivy: No, not at all. She's entering into a personal contract with me.

Xeno: ... What do you mean?

Ivy: She's not an Aegis or Corsa employee, she's my assistant.

Ivy: From now on, she will be working for me as a director of commercials.

Finn: What the hell is that!?

Jace: No no, that's absurd.

Ivy: No, it's not absurd. In fact, Corsa nodded their head in agreement, and discussions are underway regarding the rights.

Finn: That's not what I'm saying. I meant that it's not right to have a personal contract with you.

Hugh: Housekeeper-san, what's going to happen to ...?

Ivy: Oh, one more thing. That housekeeper thing will cease to exist from now on.

Hugh: Eh ...?

Ivy: Eito. She came here to do a re-presentation and did some housekeeping and office work for that.

Sakura Eito: Indeed.

Ivy: Now that the re-presentation is over, there's no reason to do that anymore.

Ivy: ... That means that she has no reason to take care of everyone like she did before.

Xeno, Jace, Finn, Hugh: !

Finn: Hey, hey, what's that?

Jace: Does that mean you're going to pull her away from us so that you can have her all to yourself, Ivy?

Hugh: Housekeeper-san, goes away ...?

Xeno: It's ridiculous. Are you serious?

Ivy: Of course I'm serious. ... Rina will now focus solely on making commercials and supporting me.

Ivy: To achieve this, we will move out of the condo after signing the private contract.

Ivy: It's what's best for her.

Finn: Don't be stupid. That will only tie her up.

Finn: I think the Corsa thing could've been handled better if she hadn't had to leave Aegis in the first place, instead of going through all this trouble.

Finn: She was trying to keep up with Aegis, even when they were badgering her.

Ivy: That's not good enough.

Ivy: She had a hard time at Aegis. It's not good for her to be in a place like that.

Finn: Ggh ... you ...

Sakura Eito: He said he was only doing it for Kawanaga-chan's sake.

Ivy: Of course. It's all for Rina.

The discussion was over and Ivy stood up from his seat.

Ivy: I'll take care of everything else. Don't worry about it.

He said this with a smile and left the room.

Sakura Eito: Good grief ... I've known him for a long time, but I've never seen Ivy like this before.

The members nodded to Sakura, who let out a sigh.

Hugh: Ivy, weird ...

Jace: He's being too possessive, isn't he? Before I knew it, he was calling her by her first name.

Xeno: It's for her own good, huh?

Finn: Is this good for Rina? I don't think so.

Sakura Eito: I wonder if it was just an outburst of Ivy, or if Kawanaga-chan agreed with it ...

... The five of them looked at each other with serious expressions on their faces.

Alone in my room, I let out a sigh in front of my mirror.

Hickeys are dotted all over my skin that's exposed through the clothes.

(I can't show this to anyone. I can't even go outside. I need them to cool down and disappear ...)

So, I put a cooling agent on it to cool them down ...

Ivy: Rina.*

Ivy-san came into my room after returning home.

Kawanaga Rina: Ivy-san ...!

I hid the ice pack in an envelope and looked up at him deceptively.

Kawanaga Rina: W-welcome back.

Ivy: Yeah, I'm home.

Ivy: We had a meeting earlier and talked about the future of the project. Everyone agreed.

Ivy: And concerning you. I've told them that I've signed a personal contract with you and you're now exclusive to me.

Ivy: The truth is, I wanted to tell them to not get close to you because you're so precious.

Kawanaga Rina: That's ...

Kawanaga Rina: I haven't signed the contract yet. Besides, it's embarrassing to talk to them like that.

Ivy: Are you embarrassed? Hehe, you're really cute.

Ivy: I won't say it yet, but I plan to set up a proper meeting soon and declare to everyone our relationship.

After that ... Ivy-san held out a stack of papers in his hand in front of me.

Ivy: I have a job I need your help with. It's for exe again, researching new offers.

Kawanaga Rina: Okay, I'll do it.*

(It's hard to do nothing when you don't have a job and are in your room all day ...)*

Besides, since last night, my head has been foggy and my thoughts aren't coherent.

I nodded my head in agreement, feeling that if I did my job, I could get rid of this blur.

Ivy: Thanks, I'll take care of this. And that one, too.

Kawanaga Rina: What is this?

Ivy: It's a private contract draft.

A draft contract is a very important document that allows the parties to confirm the terms of the contract ... a very important document.

Once the agreement is reached, the contract is officially signed.

(Ivy-san is seriously trying to sign a contract with me ...)

There's no doubt about it, but the situation is so unreal that I can't decide what to do.

Ivy: Are there any conditions that bother you? If not, then this should be fine.

Kawanaga Rina: Umm ...

Ivy: You have a seal, don't you? Seal it here.*

(Can I sign the contract as is?)*

(I'm sure that Ivy-san is thinking about me. With him, I feel safe ...)

Meanwhile, somewhere in my foggy mind, a sense of discomfort keeps whistling.

Ivy: Come on, Rina.*

He smiled and urged me to do so, regardless of the fact that I was staring blankly at the documents.

Kawanaga Rina: ...

... I was horrified by his beaming smile. and for a brief moment, the haze in my head faded away.

Kawanaga Rina: ... Um, I can't do it right now.

Ivy: Why?

Kawanaga Rina: I'll read the document carefully later. I think these kinds of contracts should be done properly ...

After staring at me misbehaving.

Ivy: ... You've got it all figured out, don't you? You're a persistent person.

He smiled again as he said this.

(I was about to be swept away and sign the contract ... I have to be firm.)

Even so, Ivy-san was incredibly efficient, preparing the contract and talking to the members so quickly.

(If he's getting ahead of me like this, I might just do everything he says someday.)

A chill runs down my spine. Why do I feel scared, even though I love him?

Ivy: Huh?

He had been watching me and suddenly shouted.

Ivy: The hickey is fading. I wonder why?

Kawanaga Rina: Ah!

Gone silent, he hugged me, and opened the collar of my clothes as he had done yesterday.

Ivy: I have to put them back on ...

Kawanaga Rina: N-no, please don't do that ...

He painfully sucked on my collarbone again.

My resistance was ignored, and his mark of attachment was overlaid on top of the faded red ...

Ivy: Hold still.

Kawanaga Rina: Ivy-san, I don't ...

Ivy: I need to make a firm mark ... on this body, that you're mine, or I'll never feel safe ...*

Coughing as if in a fever, his lips rose higher and higher from my collarbone to my neck.

Ivy: And I want this part of you ... for me.

He stroked my lips with his finger and brought my face close to his ...

Kawanaga Rina: ... !

Ivy: Eh ...?

... The moment I thought I was going to be kissed; I turned my face away from him.

Ivy: Rina ... why?

Ivy-san was surprised as if he had not expected to be rejected. I was surprised, too.

Kawanaga Rina: Ah ...

(Why? I thought I didn't want him to kiss me ... even though I love him.)

Staring at me in confusion, Ivy-san coughed softly.

Ivy: Don't reject me.

... I looked up at the low voice and saw that he had surprisingly dark eyes.

Ivy: I like you. You like me too, don't you? Then don't reject me. ... You have to accept it all.

Kawanaga Rina: Nng!

As soon as he said this, he pulled me tightly on my hips and held my head down.

I tried to turn my face away, but he grabbed my chin ... and forced me to stay like this.

Kawanaga Rina: ...ng

Ivy: ...

After a few moments, Ivy-san's lips parted and he smiled with satisfaction.

Ivy: ... I always wanted to do this.

Kawanaga Rina: Ivy-san ... why ...

The first time he kissed me, it was forceful, with no hint of tenderness.

He gazed at me with sweet, vacant eyes as I became terribly sad.

Ivy: ... Don't look at me like this. There's nothing to be afraid of. I'm right here by your side.

Ivy: I'm the one who cares about you more than anyone else and I'm the one who can protect you. I will protect you from everything.

Kawanaga Rina: ...ng, ah, Ivy-sa...n ng

My breath was taken away again, and I was at the mercy of the repeated and intense kisses.

(No ... my head is foggy ...)

... And again, a hickey is carved.

Ivy: This is what love looks like to me.

I am bound by his thoughts. Pain and fading take over my body, and I can't think about anything else ...

Ivy: ... I love you, Rina.

With the evidence of his attachment engraved all over my body, I heard such words ...

Note 1: Jeez, don't just appear out of thin air. Ever heard of knocking? Oh wait, you already stopped doing that last chapter ...

Note 2: Girl, how dumb are you? He forced himself on you, made you lose your job and you're just like 'of course I help you'??? Do you have any sense of pride?

Note 3: You know, you could just wear a long sleeved top with a turtleneck. Suspicious? Sure, but better than nothing. You being jobless tho, that's not your fault.

Note 4: Why even bother asking her if you give her literally no time to look through the document? Jeez.

Note 5: Short answer: No. Long answer: No, you dumb bitch.

Note 6: Dead eyes Ivy unlocked.

Note 7: Dead eyes Ivy unlocked again; until the very end of this chapter.

⤷ next chapter

[pynkhues]

I feel very uncomfortable abt the Fred Astaire biopic given he absolutely did not want one to happen and was extremely clear about that. If it ends up happening I will 100% think less of everyone involved including Tom, it is a sign of extreme disrespect imo and Tom does not need the money it is just a fuck you I can do what I want, akin to spitting on FA's grave.

I think the problem with Tom Holland isnt his agent because lets be real, his agent and team are excellent. I think from interviews etc Tom is not that interested in film as an art form, doesn't seem aware of indie or foreign directors doing interesting work, and is pretty anti-intellectualism in general. So when he tries to "go indie" he tries to go for projects that seem gritty or interesting on paper, but end up flopping and coming across "THIS IS ACTING, TAKE ME SERIOUSLY." Tom has the power to approach indie directors he likes and get movies funded for him to star in like Robert Pattinson with Safdies, Claire Denis, etc etc. But Tom is not the type to know who Claire Denis is. He should work with someone like Jeremy Saulnier, that is my advice to him lol

I totally respect your uncomfortable feelings about it as a topic, anon! You're right, Astaire was clear about not wanting a bio pic on his life, because he - in his own words - never wanted to feel misrepresented, and any adaptation or exploration of his life as a result feels inherently disrespectful of that wish.

At the same time though - - I don't know. I guess I tend to have two questions about a bio pic, which is a) what is its purpose? and b) who's it for?

(Full disclaimer: I don't disagree with you - I just also have mmm, a mixed bag of feelings on the topic, I guess, haha.)

So let's talk a little about bio pics

Because it's an interesting conversation, right? They've always been a staple of filmmaking, both for better and for worse, and I do think they vary a lot as a genre. Some of them are naked mouthpieces for the individual or their estate, some are ways to enshrine or disparage an historical figure, some are about capitalising on a current popular trend, some are ways to explore a historical movement or era, to lend it greater understanding or cultural context through a particular person, or to keep an important figure from being forgotten or remembered in a way people with a vested interest might not want them to be remembered, and hell, sometimes I think a bio pic is just about telling an interesting story.

Does intent matter? Yeah, I think so, and I can understand why, in that context, intent can feel immediately malicious when the person a story is based on or inspired by was against the idea, but I don't necessarily think that's automatically the case.

I guess, in that sense, that brings it back to who a bio pic is for. I actually tend to think bio pics are at their worst when they're for the person they're about. Like, I enjoyed Elvis as a piece of entertainment, but as a bio pic it fails on more counts than it doesn't, in no small part because it was for Elvis. It was for his legacy, his daughter and grandchildren, his diehard, uncritical fans, and, in my more cynical moments, for Graceland too. It was about reinforcing a legacy instead of truly exploring it.

And exploring it is important. Good bio pics can help to shed more light and bring a deeper understanding to crucial moments and figures in history, and how someone wants to be represented or understood in that I don't think is entirely their decision. We don't exist in a vacuum; our stories, our histories, the roles we play in the world, aren't ours alone to dictate the terms of. We play roles in other peoples lives, from those who know us, and in the case of many public figures, those who know of them, and to make the decision unilaterly that our legacy can't be explored beyond us is I think both naive and potentially dangerous.

I don't know. It is complicated, and I'm not even saying that I'm entirely comfortable either with the fact that it's happening, especially given there are two Astaire bio pics in the works right now (ironically the other one's cast Jamie Bell, which is kind of funny from a Billy Elliot trivia standpoint), but like I said in my last post, I don't know if I believe that Astaire's wishes should stand so resolutely as others. After all, the law doesn't recognise that stipulation, and if it did, what would there be to stop other people using that as a sort of media gag to prevent critical bio pics that challenge the legacy of a public figure i.e. the counter point to Elvis being able to be this year's Priscilla?

I guess I'm saying that our histories might feel like a thread that belongs to us, but they're ones stitched into the fabric of time and of culture. They inform relationships and families, and in Astaire's case an artform and an industry, and to me, I don't think that means that he owes anyone more than what he gave in his lifetime, but I do think a version of his story lives beyond him - both in the lives he touched and the culture he influenced - and for better and for worse, that's not something he'll ever have complete control over.

Let's talk about Tom Holland

I agree and I disagree on this front - as a total cinephile, I truly feel the pain of him not having known who Pedro Almodóvar was in that one interview, haha, but I don't necessarily think that's an issue. After all, it's literally what he has an agent and a manager for. They should be looking at talent across the board and guiding him towards people they think he'd work well with, especially given he has worked with indie directors before - like, gosh, Kornél Mundruczó was the establishing director on The Crowded Room, and Antonio Campos directed The Devil All the Time.

But you're right - the projects aren't right, and I don't think that it helps that he doesn't seem to be well versed in cinema enough to be able to articulate what it is that he likes and doesn't like, and I also don't think that it helps that he skews young and doesn't really match the styles of the directors he's said he wants to work with (Tarantino in particular I think he doesn't fit the type for, but in looking up a couple of things to reply to your ask, I found out he did meet with Bong Joon Ho last year who I actually think could be a good fit for him).

I like your picks for directors a lot though! I think you're right about Jeremy Saulnier in particular. and while I'm not his biggest fan, I think Justin Kurzel could have a really interesting role for him in that sort of similarly masculinity-soaked indie vein. I also think (and gosh, these aren't even that indie these days, haha) Alex Garland, Karyn Kusama, Dan Gilroy and Marielle Heller would be interesting directors for him.

And while they're not indie, I do also think he'd do well in a Coen Brothers or a Baz Luhrmann.

But who knows at this point. He certainly runs the risk of being Peter Parker forever right now.

[completelyordinarycat]

Compiling my TFTR end notes so they clog up the fic less but tbh it's mostly for sentimental reasons. Fun Facts:

Chapter 3:

Harry rambling about the Pale as a way to talk about wanting to disappear is based on a real conversation I've had.

Chapter 4:

I used Korean as a Seol language because it's the Asian language I'm most familiar with. I speak neither Korean nor French fluently (I don't speak French at all) so please correct me.

For reference, I switch between sounding out, anglicised, and characters to indicate the way characters are hearing language and tonal differences.

I am a white person, so I'm not in any way the person to be talking about experiencing racism but it felt wrong to ignore the place that has in DE and Kim's story especially and it's role in cop work especially. I work a lot with people who speak English as an Additional language, so I've tried to respect the bravery it takes to speak a language like English when you aren't fluent, and base that conversation on actual ones I've had. While I've tried to be actively anti-racist from a narrative standpoint, I won't do that perfectly.

The fire, and its cause, is based on one where I've lived that I won't go into for obvious reasons.

Eomma is based on my Italian great-grandmothers.

Chapter 5:

if you see me misspelling characters names: no you don't. I learned via this fic that they aren't columbinimus clouds, which is the best spelling I can offer for what I spent my life reading and pronouncing. Plus side: every spell check I'd laugh because I'd get to remind myself it's spelled with CUM not COL.

I find it really, really hard to keep real life geography straight let alone in-game stuff. I'm taking Messina to be an Italy stand in because it's literally a city in Sicily, which is where my family is from, so when I saw it in the game I was like bwuh??? If that's wrong let me know and I'll change it.

The reference to culturally insensitive ads is a reference to a real pizza place where I live, as well as various chain Asian food places with actually completely racist ads.

Chapter 6:

Had Harry been not caught up in his own stuff, Katya's song choice would have been more illuminating to him than any other piece of information thus far. But there was a reason Judit said that sometimes we get caught up in the little internal things that drive us (b/c its foreshadowing) which is what Harry and Katya do. Idk if you’ve ever had a fight with someone that, while it has valid points, you think back on later and are like oh. That wasn’t really about that at all, was it? They’re both still learning about how to do healthy relationships.

Having a character whose entire character trait up until this point is being secretive meant I had to do so much exposition I would have rather included earlier ughhhh.

The entirety of the case discussed is plotted out in full despite being only mentioned briefly.

I never name male perpetrators because in reality they always get the headlines when their victims don't and it pisses me right off.

I am ACAB and continue to be (and yes, ACAB includes all these characters and the RCM) but what Katya and Liza are implied to be doing is a form of the PEACE method including focusing on establishing known factual events.

Some of the city's reflections of love are inspired by me re-reading this answer at the time of writing. I think "If you found love right now, you would run it straight into the ground in seconds," applies to Harry though he's not at a place where he's ready to understand what that would mean in this fic, imo.

I had to remind myself how to do medical notes for this and they may or may not be accurate, idk. They're meant to obscure information, though, so non-accuracy works in this regard. I'm a suicide attempt survivor so I tried to be sensitive about this. For a disclaimer, I’m not a medical professional and my work lies in health advocacy, hence how I know a lot of this. You can tell, because I abbreviated a medication which is one of the first things they tell you not to do but hey, it was on purpose. Here is a translation:

TW for domestic violence, attempted suicide (with potential context as to a method), abortion and miscarriage:

“02:00 5mg/h AC bolus pushed via NGT. 10ml/h IV saline bag replaced.

03:40 PT semi-conscious but non-responsive, pulling at NGT. IV sedative admin.

5:30 RR 27, HR 114, BP 160/110, other VS normal. ECG shows sinus pause reduced but bradyarrhythmia remains.”

This is basically not that important really lmao. I could have skipped it, in retrospect, but I think it gives some nice context to say that Katya is okay, health wise, in that moment. In summary: she’s being given activated charcoal via a naso-gastric tube which is a common treatment for some kinds of overdoses (and why you shouldn’t use activated charcoal tablets/toothpaste if you’re on prescription medicine!). She’s sick and her heart is being a bit funky, but she’s okay. You can say this is why Katya refers to this as a “heart attack” rather than what it is.

“Emergency Department (ED) admission 23:39 by neighbour for suspected overdose (OD), no known next of kin. Blood alcohol level .32, suspected drug use. Became physically aggressive when asked if deliberate OD, requiring intramuscular sedative. Transferred mental health ward 00:48. History: childhood Pale Related Acquired Brain Injury. 3xED presentation for gun shot wounds and stab wounds relating to RCM work. 2x presentation for injury relating to suspected assault and battery, patient denied intimate partner violence and left against medical advice both times. 3 pregnancies and 0 live births: ED presentation following miscarriage after fall; ED presentation for miscarriage after suspected assault and battery; ED presentation relating to suspected termination of pregnancy haemorrhage requiring blood transfusion and overnight observation.”

Again, I’m hoping no one is learning how to take case notes from this. I re-wrote this a million times, no lie, and if I saw this on someone’s records I would probably be like UM WTF. But for storytelling purposes, it got the job done lmao. I hope the original gets across what I wanted to get across: that something really significantly bad happened in Katya’s past that explains her motives and behaviour. I wrote it with the intention that Harry has just gotten enough information to want to push, but not to know that he shouldn’t. Having said that, you could make the argument that he should have known at the very least what the abbreviation for Assault and Battery is, so if he knew, would he have pushed anyway? Canonically, I think the answer is yes because even a high-empathy Harry can be remarkably tactless on a fail. Which is why I think this interaction is fun(? Oh wow I’m a freak) because it’s pushing (fanfic) Harry’s assumptions of himself and his goals. His stated goal is to do good, but he actively doesn’t do that in this scenario (though, neither was Katya, tbf).

In his defence, he’s right but he’s also kind of wrong. Yes, Katya’s background makes her empathise with this case a lot more, but the other implication that Harry misses is that she was actually involved with the case to some capacity while it was ongoing, and therefore she feels responsible

If you care about the OCs at all: Katya, as a mirror to Harry, has been going through a parallel to Harry's plot and she's really going through it. At the end of this chapter she is off-screen having her own "I don't want to be this kind of animal anymore" moment. We only just get to glimpse it.

Chapter 7:

Mee's Kitchen is a reference to a beloved take out place where I live, and again I'm sticking with Korean stuff because I'm most familiar with it.

Harry feeling like he has no control and slapping himself and being terrified of that is based off of my entire life lmao but particularly a few years ago when I started to slap myself without consciously deciding to do it. Then I 1. started dealing with some of my mental health stuff, and 2. started being treated for ADHD, and, surprise, it happens less now and when it does I don't freak out about it. Harry is very flippant about it, which I was too for a long time. I have a lot of body-focused repetitive behaviours and repetitive behaviours in general and no one has ever formally told me if that counted as one of those or not. I don't like to call out specific things as me obviously projecting but I also wanted to be clear that if you also have those kinds of behaviours, there's nothing wrong with you and don't listen to a guy in a fanfic. Talk to someone about it if you're worried. <3 I tagged it as self-harm because it seemed to cover all bases.

Chapter 8:

This was a hard chapter to walk the line on and if I wasn't doing the poetry chapter title thing, it would be titled "What if Rigorous Self-Critique Was More Helpful and Less An Opportunity to Hate Yourself into Self-Destruction, and Therefore Allowing Your Shitty Behaviour to Continue." And I never want to demonise addiction or mental health struggles and I hope I don’t. In my own experience to do better you do need to face up to things you've done that you’re not proud of. No joke, a lot of this fic is me exploring the idea of restorative justice and how and when we can forgive someone, especially when that person is a victim too. But I also don't want to woobify Harry and I recognise that I could have gone harder on this and that's a flaw in this work. Very few things destroyed me in DE like Rigorous Self-Critique. My reaction to reading it was physical horror and I still remember how it felt. And I just couldn't play that out to its extreme in this. It would be too much of a tone shift, for one. And for personal reasons, I just couldn't. Also, In editing this chapter, I removed a bit of context I didn’t fix. Specifically, there is no doubt in my mind that Harry is abusive towards Dora and I realise I may have presented it as if to imply he wasn’t. Harry was specifically asking about sexual violence, and that is what Jean investigated. I may fix this in the future, when I’m in a better headspace.

I love to write bi-Jean being no-homo, I don't know why. Jean constructs intricate rituals to allow himself to hear that he is loved.

Other fun facts, grabbed from my notes:

MoralIntern/Coalition politicians declaring that homo-sexuality no longer existed in Revachol is based on a comment from a politician where I live who said that there were no gay people in his state. It’s also very inspired by real life anti-homosexuality laws stemming from racism and colonialism and eugenics.

This fic works from the assumption that Dora ended that cycle of untreated mental illness and abuse by leaving as soon as she realised what was happening, by virtue of having a better education and resource access through being middle class. She is my idealised version of myself here haha. So the question becomes less, is Harry a bad guy? But what can Harry do to make sure he doesn’t continue a cycle of violence that probably pre-dates him by centuries?

I also can-opened myself writing this fic because I was like, why do I write stories about people being at their worst and still being loved? And my brain was like, because it’s the kind of story you needed to hear when you were at your worst, that it’s still possible to be loved, and never heard. And then I had a little cry :)

 If you think that Harry is a bad and an irredeemable man, you’re totally valid! Maybe I will write a fic about that at some point.

I love Jean now :)

I was like haha what if I make the chapter titles a poem from the city to Harry and immediately regretted it because I'm bad at poetry :)

[lonelylonelyghost]

Alright, as someone who watched about 91% of their videos, I'm adding my 3 cents into this.

Please, before reading consider that @sunriseverse's disclaimer at the top post applies here in full force too. If you tell this youtuber about my post or send hate to them or to me, I will block you and then haunt you in your nightmares until the day you die.

.....

As you all here probably know, the English-speaking Cdrama community is a relatively niche thing, compared to its Chinese counterpart or fandoms of something based on the US or UK’s pieces of media. Especially if many people involved also don't know Mandarin and have no way of verifying some highly specific information without making a considerable effort (which would include not only the extensive language knowledge but getting accounts in different platforms and sifting through tons of information there, and it sounds exhausting just by listing it here).

So, a Chinese person, with an insight of C.entertainment and culture, speaking in English and conveying the information in an easy and entertaining manner, is bound to become sort of an authority figure within this small circle. As far as I know, on YouTube only AvenueX and one other channel "Marcus Here!" are relatively popular (I don't watch him so I can't say much about it, but his format is slightly more impersonal I think).

For a bit of a personal backstory, I discovered Avenue X in summer of 2018, when Guardian was still airing. I was obsessed but because I didn't have anyone irl that I could share my excitement with and I didn't have any kind of social media, I turned to YouTube, because maybe at least someone there felt the way I did. That way I found her review, and from then on I've been watching her regularly.

I respected her, while not necessarily agreeing on some things. Everyone's taste is different, and she often emphasized that it's her personal opinion. Actually, I even liked this difference, because as someone who has been constantly told how I was supposed to feel on certain matters (a religious cult and an... interesting family dynamic will do that to you), the fact that I could dislike something that she liked and vice versa, and I was still able to retain my own thoughts and opinions, it felt good.

But also because of our different taste, I didn't watch a lot of things that she did, so her negative opinion on some drama didn't affect me much. For example, on her video of  “2023 Cdrama worst awards” (timestamp 8:02 - 11:16) she claimed that “Till the end of the Moon” was in her opinion bad, because the main actor, Luo Yunxi, was the main investor of this drama, so he had the power to change some things that made his role look better.

"On a deeper level it was a fraud drama because after you've seen all the leaked out special footages of when they were actually filming the drama, what happen on set, it is pretty clear to somebody who can understand basic human interaction that this is actually a fan-service drama or a self-service drama made by the lead actor, because he's the main investor, and the role, and the looks and all the things he does on camera that's unnecessary, like turning multiple circles to do something that is not helping the story is because he thinks it makes him look good and his fans will love it [...]"

And because I didn’t watch this drama and don’t plan to in the future (respectfully - not my thing. The costumes are fire tho), I just thought, oh, I guess that’s bad, then shrugged and continued with my dinner. Sometime later I stumbled upon a comment thread on MDL (I think it was on the Immortality page, I check it periodically hoping that maybe they’d just drop the whole thing one day), discussing Avenue X and her prejudice towards Luo Yunxi, that there is no proof of him being an investor and changing the script, etc.

I don't know what actually happened in behind the scenes of this drama, and I have no faith in celebrities whatsoever, but while making these accusations she did not provide ANY proof, not even the blurriest screenshot or a video clip, nothing. Saying things like that to her mainly international audience (again, very few of which are actually able to speak Chinese), who most probably won't go to watch that special footage if they already don't like this drama, and analyze the "basic human interaction" (whatever that means), does not seem very nice for a person who has "a normal sense of what constitutes human moral and justice".

This instance made me think that maybe some of her takes, despite saying that her every review is based only on her personal opinions and anyone could theoretically disagree, are supported with facts that are at best very hard for her core audience to find the proof of, and at worst, just straight up falsified.

(I have no interest in the gossip about the entertainment industry, so I just showed this instance as an example. The only things that I would like to know about any actor in C.Ent. are if they act well, if they are not involved in human trafficking and if they do their taxes on time. And also if they preferably don’t go anywhere near Japan and their temples. I wish him well, but the rest is irrelevant.)

.....

I was also aware of her take on the Spirealm, but I didn't react much to it because this was not the first time that this kind of thing had happened.

For the similar example, a year ago in one of her weekly videos (this one), she was talking about at the time recently released Justice in the Dark (RIP). Timestamp is 1:29 - 2:11.

"With the 8 episodes so far, my quick verdict of it so far is if you just look at it as a detective crime drama, pretty okay. To me, these two's chemistry is not working as a couple. It's straight men and very, very straight men playing what they imagine BL novel characters will look like. That it will appeal to mostly female audiences, but actually, it's not, they didn't get it. The secret of playing a convincing enough BL couple is not trying to play gay per se. Right now, the chemistry is not working on me, and it's actually pretty funny. When I look at it, I constantly wanna break out laughing, but then the actual plot of the crime drama is pretty okay."

Now that I’ve re-watched that bit, what does that even mean?! How do you not play gay?? I mean I know that many BL tropes have nothing in common with what the actual gay men people experience, but in case of JITD - ????? And she is also a huge fan of Guardian, so even if the dynamic between the two couples is different and the genre is not the same, how is the way of acting “not gay per se” in one drama worked while in the other didn’t? Is she saying that Zhu Yilong and Bai Yu did not “play gay per se” (Zhao Yunlan is bi, but that’s beside the point)? Again, WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN???

When I first heard that the chemistry was bad I felt pretty bummed out, because there is nothing more uncomfortable for me than watching something and feeling like the media is force-feeding you with the info that these characters are in deep love and I can’t see it to save my life. But in the JITD it wasn’t like that at all? I understand when you personally just don’t feel the chemistry between people in the show. It happened to me a million times and it WILL happen a million times more, when everyone would gush at their “explosive sexual tension” or whatever and I would watch and feel absolutely nothing, but the framing of the comment is so strange.

So later, when she said the stuff about the Spirealm (which as you’ve noticed carries a similar sentiment to how she talked about JITD in regards to how to play "a proper" BL couple), I was already prepared to have a different opinion. And well, if you know me and the sheer amount of stuff that I made for this drama on tumblr, my thoughts were indeed verrry different (a milder way of saying that I’m absolutely insane about it). I think that the only thing that bugged me before starting to watch the drama was her comment about the “light on you” line that was supposedly stolen from WoH. But that was also absolutely not true. First of all, the lines were different. Wen Kexin said this while half-dead and delirious, and only ONCE, and it was a beautiful line, but overall it didn’t have anything to do with the plot. In the Spirealm however, it was the metaphor on how Ruan Nanzhu sees Lin Qiushi, their connection to each other and the game. And also, since when do certain dramas have trademarks on common words?

I won’t talk about the rest of her comment on the show, because the nice people above have already done that, extensively at that. Thankfully, despite her comments both JITD and the Spirealm gathered their maybe small but dedicated audience, so all is well, but now I'm getting angry.

It is absolutely fine to not like a show. It is also absolutely fine to not like a certain pairing or their chemistry, or prefer one over the other. Hell, I’ll go and say a controversial opinion right now - in the Long Ballad I actually like the main couple of the rebel Li Changge and the adopted son of Khan Ashile Sun much more than the pairing of the princess Li Leyan and her bodyguard Hao Du. But that’s my personal preference, and I totally understand why many people think otherwise.

I guess moral of the story is - if you don't like the drama or the actors then you can just say it, there is no need to make up the facts in order to prove that you're objectively correct. Why would someone do that if they continue to reiterate that it's their own subjective opinion?

.......

Idk, but I'm curious about what others think of this kind of situation? Maybe there are some other examples like that?

What are you uh...what are you salty about? (I'm nosy as hell, give me the tea)

okay SO. disclaimer before i start: if anyone seeing this likes the youtuber mentioned, understand i am not calling her a bad person; i have some very specific umbrage with her, and i will detail why. you don't have to agree with me, but if you, in any way, inform this youtuber of this post and what i'm saying, you will be blocked, because this is meant to be on my personal blog only and a severe violation of my boundaries to tell her about this.

let's begin, shall we? (below the cut, since this got a bit long; my apologies.)

for context, since i started watching zmyx, i have been periodically checking youtube for amvs of the show so i can add them to my playlist. while doing so, i stumbled across this video by AvenueX. i had watched a video by her previously on the show under the skin, and mostly enjoyed it. i love hearing people react to batshit cdrama, well, drama, and "this show was up for bare hours before being taken down" definitely counts as something i like hearing reactions to.

i cannot directly upload the clip into this post, but i'll put the subtitles in for the relevant section, which begins at the 12:25 mark and ends at 14:59.

AX: Basically, there is a BL drama that was made quite a few years ago and hasn't come out like all the BL dramas, Zhiming Youxi. It's based on a novel called Wanghuatong [sic] and is a clear BL drama. The platform was iQiyi, and they cast Huang Junjie and Xia Zhiguang. These two guys have been multiple other stuff ever since then, and if you watch a lot of Chinese dramas, you probably have an impression of who they are. Neither of them are considered to be good actors, very young, and not really coming from professional sort of trained actor background[...]I'm not so interested in the story to start with and not interested in these two actors either, because BL dramas is hard to do well; you have to be good actors to pull it off, and you actually have to know what type of acting you need to be doing. You're not actually playing realistic gay people, you're playing imagined version of [here she makes a sound i can only transcribe as the auditory equivalent of tilting your hand back and forth], that whole complicated psychological thing on the back end, and if you're not clever and experienced enough actor you actually easily make a mess. Based on the leaked out footage I see on the internet, it's embarrassing, in terms of the acting, and they stole the most important line from Word of Honor, which is 'there's light on you and I want to grab it and take a look'. Every BL drama has a classic line[...]and this drama shamelessly took a completely, and that part of the video is online. I've watched it, and I'm like, 'oh my god, oh my god, just because you're another BL doesn't qualify you for stealing literally the line from another BL drama[...]just because of that I'm like, oh, okay, now I can make fun with other people together on this drama being living [sic] on the internet for like, what, three-four hours[...]it's a good thing this drama is buried now, and please don't show up again. I don't want to see it. It's embarrassing, it's embarrassing, okay.

bolding mine; these are the portions i have umbrage with.

let's go through the points she makes, shall we?

this show is "embarrassing", in terms of acting; presumably, this is connected to the earlier line about the actors not being known as "good actors", and not having professional acting backgrounds.

it stole a line from shl.

she thinks this drama deserves to be made fun of for "being embarrassing" because, presumably, the actors don't play bl roles the way she thinks they should, and "make a mess of it".

i must reiterate: she can have these opinions. these are opinions she is entitled to. i disagree with them, but i respect her right to have them. however, because i also have the right to my own opinion, i am allowed to be pissed about these opinions she has.

i will go through a point by point breakdown of my responses and thoughts on each point.

i think it's really stupid to judge an actor based simply on them having a professional background or not. when it comes down to it, the most important thing for actors, especially co-leads, in a show, is their ability to do their job and create believable dynamics with their co-actors. in my opinion, xia zhiguang and huang junjie do this very well in zmyx. their dynamic feels natural and realistic to me, and, more importantly than that, it compels me. i don't say this as a "fan" of either actor; it was a nice bonus to me that hjj had also played another character i like, but even if he hadn't, i would be judging this performance as lin qiushi based on its own merits. i have never seen xzg in anything, and again, i am judging his acting in this show on its own merits. also, i should add there's something hilarious about her holding up shl as a "good" bl, when you could argue that those leads aren't "good" actors, either. i mean, look at advancing bravely! or, maybe, i don't know, it's possible for actors to improve over time and do better in certain projects than others? and someone doesn't have to be the "best" in all areas of their field, just the right choice for the role they're playing??

this is just stupid, in my opinion. the line is not stolen; it is altered and becomes its own line in zmyx. in shl, the line is, as she says, "there's light on you and i want to grab it and take a look". in zmyx, the line is "there's a light on you that i don't see on others". this is, at most, a reference—and zmyx isn't the only bl that references other media! this is a silly, petty argument, in my opinion, and frankly annoying as hell. if it were a crime to reference any other media in the same genre as the media doing the referencing, we'd miss out on so much. to me, this reference doesn't read as an appropriation, but as a nod of appreciation to another bl which was heavily censored. also, if her claims are anything to go by, and zmyx did film "years ago", it's possible that, actually, zmyx used the line before shl did. even if that isn't the case, who fucking cares? genuinely, i think this is a stupid point and i hate it.

she thinks the actors made a mess of the show by not playing the roles in the specific way bl roles are "meant" to be played. we could spend years arguing about the "right" way to play a bl role, but to me, it sounds like she has a very specific idea of the roles bl actors must fit into and fulfil—specifically, that they must play an exaggerated, unrealistic mimicry of gay male relationships, or else it's a "bad" bl. i don't know AvenueX's sexuality, but as a person of the homosexual persuasion myself, if not one attracted to men, i personally don't like exaggerated mimicries of gay relationships, and i would wager a guess that many gay and bisexual men are probably in this same boat. when i watch a bl show, i prefer that the dynamics are driven not by the idea of what gay people should act like, but by 1. the plot, 2. their own characterisations and character motives, and 3. their relationships and dynamics with each other. in this regard, while zmyx isn't a "good bl", i think it's a good depiction of the relationship between two characters. i don't say this to be holier-than-thou, or to claim i'm somehow "better" than other people who do like specific exaggerated tropes in bl; i say this because i feel like AvenueX entirely disregards the possibility that the thing that she doesn't like about zmyx are things that other people will.

(additionally, while she never says this, i get the impression that one of the things she doesn't like is that the chemistry between the characters isn't the "typical" bl chemistry. i, frankly, don't give a fuck. i think the leads have fantastic chemistry, and it annoys me that she thinks they "made a mess" just because they don't fit the idea she has for what a bl "should" look like. i, for one, think it's a good thing that we're moving away from caricatured depictions of gay people in media, especially danmei and dangai. myself and other asian gay people, especially east asian gay people, have pointed out how harmful caricatured versions of gay asian characters are.)

(also, as an unrelated, and petty aside, if i remember correctly, she's a british film school grad, and not to be judgemental, but, yeah, i can fucking see it.)

so, yeah. that's my two fen and indignance on this. but, hey, what do i know, i'm just some random tumblr user ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[reveriestarsstuff]

SJM pissed me off because how Cassian treated Lucien made him look weak, or how Az spoke of him in the bonus chapter? And Lucien being right upstairs as Elain’s arousal for Az’s drifts upward to where Az can smell it? It almost makes me want Lucien with Vassa…the way that situation in the bonus chapter made Lucien look will always be rough..

They were thirsting for eachother while he was upstairs asleep. I’m surprised more Elucien stan’s aren’t offended by Elain’s lack of consideration for Lucien to be honest 👀

Hello Anon!

I sort of have mixed opinions about this. I think through out the whole series, Lucien has always been undermined and underestimated by a lot of people. It took me a while to realize that SJM will most likely put the IC members above all else, so it wasn't surprising to me when Lucien is talked about like that. In terms of Cassian, I know he has mixed feelings on Lucien because of his association with Tamlin, and of course Cassian is older than Lucien, so there was already gonna be some animosity towards Lucien, even though I didn't see the need for it lol. I think its a combination of SJM putting the IC above all else and Lucien's connection to Tamlin. The IC has this picture in their head that Lucien was terrible to Feyre and that he did not try to help her in any way. Also I think because Lucien is someone who thinks with his head, and opts for words over violence, he's made out to be weak because he's not like Rhys, Cassian, or Azriel.

Azriels beef with Lucien was just funny to me, but understandable. Azriel is obviously hurt. I'm not gonna go into detail about his feelings towards Elain and how they don't scream endgame to me, but his animosity towards Lucien is a product of all that. The way he said he could defeat Lucien with little effort and that he's not good enough bothered me too, but I understood where it was coming from. Azriel is close to hitting rock bottom, and I think his insecurities are starting to come out stronger, and I think his negativity towards Lucien stems from him thinking that he just has to be with Elain, that that is the only possible solution. I think he try’s to justify his reasoning by negating Lucien.

I actually don't think the bonus chapter made Lucien look bad in any way. Of course I was bothered by the way they were talking about him (disclaimer: I like all the characters), but I don't think it hindered Lucien's character in any way. He is still the patient, respectful, and smart male he's always been. I know a lot of people feel bad for Lucien because of that scene, but honestly we really don't know what he's thinking right now. He has his own stuff to deal with, both political and personal, and I know a lot of people pity him, but I don't, at least not for that reason. I feel for him because Elain is probably a reminder for him of what he lost, as Lucien is to Elain. Again, I'm not gonna go on a tangent about this because it would be terribly long lol. Vassa and Lucien never really occured to me, I've always been on board with Elucien lol, but I understand where you're coming from for sure!

Now I personally wasn't exactly offended by Elain's lack of consideration. Neither of them owe each other anything. Of course I think Elain could just tell him to leave, but I also understand her not wanting do anything right now. She will definitely have to address this soon, because its not only her that's impacted by this mate bond, and she's not the only one that's not a fan of it, as we know of Lucien's hesitancy as well. Honestly I think Lucien might be the first one to finally say something like "I didn't want this either, so reject the bond already and let's be done with it", but alas thats a post for another time lol. I think that moment between was Azriel and Elain was necessary for both of them, for their individual stories and growth, because I hope they realize that its not what's best for them. Also the angst it'll serve for Elucien will be top tier 🥴I do think Lucien knows about it, but did not act on it, but I guess we'll see what happens.

Lucien is such an important character to me, and it is irritating to see the way he gets treated, but I'm sure his comeback is coming!

Thank you for the ask Anon, it was nice talking about this, and sorry for going off on a tangent lol! <3

[stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale]

do you have any unpopular opinions/controversial opinins/hills you will die on about twdg?

Of course. I think everyone has at least one hill they’ll die on or an unpopular opinion they’ll never change their mind on. I’ve actually answered this type of ask twice before. Once in 2019, and once in 2020. Some of my opinions have changed since then.

Okay look…. I’ve stepped away from this blog and the fandom for a while. I needed a break. I wanted to get back into my personal writing/art, I’ve gotten into Dragon Age and exploring its fandom, I’m reading through Tillie Walden’s other works in preparation for the Clementine comic and the review I’ll do of that. This time away has been good for me- I’ve done a lot of soul searching, looking deep inside myself as I reminisced about how the fandom has progressed over the years, all the good times and the bullshit, anons getting pissy with me, and I’ve come to the conclusion that I don’t give a shit anymore.

So before I tell y’all about my unpopular opinions and show you all the hills I’ll die on, here’s a disclaimer that should be obvious and yet in this fandom it needs to be explicitly said: These are MY opinions and how I view twdg and it’s fandom. I’m going to say things like “I hate this/this choice is awful.” There’s a certain ship that I’m going to call bad. I’m going to criticize certain parts of the fandom and their behaviors I disagree with.

Understand that Bad/Worst DOES NOT EQUAL Invalid.

Whether you and I like it or not, ALL of the choices presented in twdg that don’t end in an YOU ARE DEAD screen are valid and canon. I don’t give a shit if you hate, let’s say… the ending where you don’t trust AJ and Louis or Violet die saving Tenn, for example. I don’t care if you think that ending is garbage, or it doesn’t count because it’s a determinate choice, or if you don’t understand why someone loves it. It’s still a valid and canon choice players can make.

You’re allowed to hate choices, characters, and ships or think one is better than the other, but that doesn’t make it the more or less valid choice. If you disagree with my takes, that’s fine. I respect that, and my feelings about the choices are not a reflection of my feelings toward you. You are allowed to do that just as I am allowed to disagree or agree with you.

And really, the only people I'm side-eyeing are the people who don't respect this.

You’d think that after all this time we would learn the concept of “agree to disagree,” instead of taking the Kenny route of “Agree with me or fuck you.” but here we are.

We have different experiences with these games, and no amount of shitty anons or petty vague posts are going to change that. If you think I'm a piece of shit for anything said here, good for you. Have fun with that.

I’ll start off with the more mild things and get spicier as we go. Cool? Cool. Buckle up, it's a long post.

Wellington is the best ending in S2. There’s no changing my mind about that, one of my hills is the Wellington ending.

I’ll fully admit that some of my meta knowledge plays into this. As someone who has played these games over and over again, I know Wellington exists even if the characters don’t. I know there are things that don’t add up about it, but despite those things, for me it’s the best chance Clementine and AJ have after all the bullshit they went through.

It’s the most satisfying ending, story wise. I don’t like Kenny, lemme just throw that out there. I view him as one of S2's antagonists, just to a different degree than Carver. By the end of s2 I just want him the fuck away from Clementine and AJ, but I won’t deny that it’s emotional watching him finally let them go because he knows this is their best chance, even if it leaves him alone again in the end. He's so possessive of them to the point where it endangers them so to see him immediately give them up? for their safety? It's like he finally gets it.

Staying at Wellington and watching Kenny go gives you an uneasy feeling knowing that by doing this, Kenny could fall onto one of two paths- self reflection and healing where he sees who he's become and actively tries to change his behaviors moving forward, or utter destruction that pulls him into a tragic grave. His fate is unknown. It’s so good.

I’m aware Wellington falls eventually and I’ll always be salty that ANF doesn’t give as much attention to it as the others even though it’s the best. Before it falls, Clementine and AJ get to feel safe in a community, have their own room together, be around other people and socialize. They’re away from Kenny which makes me feel better, they’re behind high walls, and they get some sort of normalcy back before everything goes to shit. It makes it feel like something was achieved. We lost everyone along the way, but Clementine isn’t completely alone anymore. She has AJ, and she has a new community that will feed them, keep them warm, protect them.

My only big gripe with the Wellington ending is that I have to let Kenny kill Jane in order to get it. Being completely honest, even though the part with Kenny in this ending is good.... if I could go to Wellington with Jane, I would. Which… uhhh….

I like Jane. She’s a good character.

I know, how dare I? Don’t I know “Kenny good, Jane bad”??? Liking Jane goes against at least three of the Boat God’s 10 Commandments! I’m practically a sinner for liking this fictional video game character who is not real. Pray I repent lest my soul gets swallowed by the unruly locks of Kenny's beard.

Cheeky absurdities about the extreme Kenny stans aside, I do genuinely like Jane. She’s not a favorite character or anything, she's definitely not making it into a top 10 list or anything, but I will jump to her defense when the mood strikes me. She gets a lot of criticism, and I totally get it. I have my own issues with her.

Where it starts to lose me is claims that Jane is the worst for being a manipulative asshole who hates children, for gaslighting Clementine into thinking the way she does and turning her against Kenny, for attempting to murder little baby AJ, and Kenny is the better option because he cares about Clementine more so we should all happily put our guns away and let him stab her. All those things are one way to interpret events. All of which I disagree with to a degree, if not entirely.

Honestly, I could do a whole deep dive into Jane’s character but for the sake of not making this a million words long, we’ll keep it contained and I'll go into detail about claims that Jane doesn't care about Clementine, yeah?

If Jane didn't care about Clementine, she wouldn't have helped her and Rebecca get out of the walker herd, she would've ditched the second she was free. She wouldn't have taught Clementine any survival tricks or engaged with her about personal stories about herself and her sister, something that's still a sore spot.

A big issue with Jane is the Sarah stuff, and believe me, I agree that leaving Sarah behind the first time is the wrong move, but I recognize that's a response she's having after having flashbacks to what happened with Jamie.

But y'know, when Sarah's second death comes along, Jane will try to save her if Clementine asks her to. Jane will put her safety aside to help Sarah and it's not her fault that she couldn't be saved. It's not her fault that she was staggered after getting hit with a piece of wood and couldn't get Sarah out before the walkers got to her. And she is genuine in her apology to Clementine for Sarah's death.

Jane leaves, but she comes back for Clementine, and ends up saving them by killing one of the dudes attacking them.

Oh and you wanna talk about Luke's death scene? if Clementine goes after Luke and falls through the ice?? Who is the one to pull Clementine out of the water and carry her in a panic to land and only cared about starting a fire so that she didn't fucking freeze to death?? Jane. Like... if Kenny cares about Clementine sooo much more than Jane ever did, then why the hell was he so hyper focused on beating the shit outta Arvo than on the fact that Clementine could drown or freeze to death? Kenny always puts Clementine first? No, Kenny always puts his feelings first.

Jane actually listens to Clementine and puts in an effort to see things through her perspective, even if she doesn't agree with it. She tries to tell Clementine that if all else fails, she can survive on her own. Jane makes it clear that she's not very comfortable with babies, but will still hold AJ when Clementine offers and tries to her best to bond with him.

And yes, the final fight is stupid. That's a huge mistake on Jane's part. She left AJ in a car to prove a point that if something ever happened to AJ and if Kenny saw it as Clementine's fault, this is what would happen and she felt this was the only way to make that clear...... it's not a great plan and she fucking knows it if you shoot Kenny.

I'm not claiming that Jane is the best character in s2 or that she doesn't deserve criticism, but I don't think she's nearly as bad as some insist she is. I could write more but hhhnnngggg long post is long, and we still have a lot of hills to climb.

BUT I WILL SAY THAT ANF DID A COMPLETE CHARACTER ASSASSINATION OF JANE'S CHARACTER AND THAT RIGHT THERE IS A HILL I WILL DIE ON. THEY DID HER DIRTY.

....Anyway. Speaking of ANF- Kate should’ve died in place of Mariana in ANF. I don’t hate Kate or anything, don’t love her either, but I will die on the hill that if ANF had killed Kate off and completely removed the terrible love triangle aspect of the story and instead focused on Javi, David, and the kids, it would’ve been soooo much better.

A story where Javi and Kate canonically end up together romantically. They’ve raised Gabe and Mari this entire time, they raised those kids and had each other through it all. But then Kate dies, and not only did Javi lose the woman he loves, he lost his partner to helped him with these kids. Everything rests on his shoulders now, he is completely responsible for them… and not only that, but Gabe and Mariana lost their step-mom. Everything hurts, we still could’ve had the burial scene in you stayed with Clementine to finish things or to go with your family because Mari got shot instead, or Gabe got shot.

So these kids are all Javi has left, and one of them is shot and could possibly die. He’s desperate to save them by any means necessary, even if it means appealing to those who are responsible for the wound and for Kate’s death…. Only for David to show up. It all worked out in the end, right?

Well, Richmond doesn’t like Javi and he has to leave, and the kids can’t come with him. David IS their father, they’re HIS children… but Javi raised them from the beginning of the apocalypse and taking them away from him feels fucking cruel.

THAT is sooo much more compelling of a family drama than just “aw shit man I kissed my brother’s wife because I thought he was dead but he’s not dead oh no better not tell him I’m in love with his wife until she tells him at the worst possible moment”

Again, don’t hate Kate, but letting her shine in one episode is better than her downward spiral over the course of the season.

Alright, ready to get extra spicey? Because the hills are burning from this point on and we're outta marshmallows.

Louis getting all the blame for voting Clementine and AJ out when he wasn’t even present as Mitch suggested they take the vote and everyone else went along with it only happens because certain Violet stans view him as a “threat” to their ship so they want to find any excuse to make Louis an asshole, including ignoring his trauma and everything else canon with his character, to fit their narrative. ..... Yep. Uh-oh.

To me, if this WASN’T the case, these people would give Ruby, Omar, Willy, and Mitch waaaaay more shit, but Louis is singled out because he's the other love interest.

Louis is not the sole reason Clementine and AJ were kicked out and acting like it’s all his fault that AJ was shot is blatantly ignoring the fact that Ruby, Omar, Willy, and Mitch also voted them out. Mitch gets heat for it sometimes, but the whole “Louis’ vote could’ve made difference! It could've made it a draw so the group would have to discuss further!! It’s ALL his fault, he’s such a shithead, he doesn't get to feel bad for what happened because he voted them out! Clementine would never love him when he put her and AJ at risk by voting them out like that!” argument is weak.

Ruby’s vote could’ve ensured that they stayed.

I guess that makes Ruby a shithead for kicking them out, too.

If she had voted for them to stay, they would’ve been tied and had to discuss it more. She was also upset about Marlon’s death, and was mad at AJ. Surely Ruby knew if they were voted out that AJ would get shot. How could she put Clementine’s sad murder baby in danger like that?? Being mad at AJ AND voting them out is enough to ensure no positive relationship can grow from that point forward. Because Ruby voting them out is always gonna be there, y’know? Ruby might as well have shot AJ herself when she voted them out. AJ is just a big ol’ baby boy who shouldn’t be held accountable because he’s a baby child! He doesn’t know any better! No one taught him anything!

It’s going to be a constant thing on Clementine’s mind at all times every time she talks to Ruby and she will never forgive her for that one vote she made when she was grieving because her grief doesn’t matter when it doesn’t benefit me. Ruby’s reasons for voting them out do not matter because the only feelings that are valid in this situation are Clementine’s and everyone else who voted for her to stay. Y’know, if only there was a way for Ruby to get shot in the arm as karma for her vote. That would show her for having feelings that I don’t like, make her regret ever crossing Clementine! And if she ever apologizes for voting Clementine out [which she never really does] I’ll tell her to fuck off because that is what she deserves. Let the raiders take her, I say! It's what she deserves for voting them out!

...Have you had enough or should I keep going? Because if I keep going, the Ruby crowd might get mad and start poking me with pitchforks and I don’t need them upset with me while I already have the Violet crowd shooting arrows at my hill.

Now someone who is of the opinion that Louis is the worst and clouis would never work because he voted them out might look at that and politely point out, “Well CJ, Louis and Ruby are different. Ruby forgave Clementine and AJ the day after the vote when they came back to the school. Louis didn’t forgive her until two weeks later.”

And to that I say you’re right. Louis and Ruby are different.

Ruby, to our knowledge, never actually apologizes for her vote. Louis does.

Ruby’s forgiveness happens sooner if you help her bury Ms. Martin as she’ll tell you that she’ll tell the others she’s changed her mind about you. Louis’ forgiveness doesn’t happen so soon or as easily.

Louis had a stronger connection to Marlon. Ruby didn’t.

Now my point with all of this is Ruby doesn’t get as much shit for voting them out, even though her vote could’ve possibly prevented AJ from getting shot just as much as Louis’ vote. She was in the same position as Louis and gets no shit. It’s easy to change her mind about you once you come back, and she’s not a love interest for Clementine, therefore she isn’t viewed as an interference, if you will.

A big point of argument against Louis is him putting AJ in danger with his vote, and as a love interest, that makes him a bad one whereas Violet voted for them to stay, hence not putting them in danger. Violet in her full romantic route never puts AJ in danger, but in his full romantic route, Louis does.

Except I would argue that Violet does put AJ in danger at least once in her romance route: in ep3 while they’re on the boat. The moment Violet chose to stay with Minerva she not only put AJ in danger, but the rest of the group as well. She could’ve easily left Minerva there and gone with Clementine to get AJ. She could’ve helped Aasim carry Omar [who was still shot] and Louis [who had his tongue cut out], but she didn’t. Despite the emotions she is feeling, she should be aware that if she lets Clementine go alone, something could happen, the danger on this boat is immediate. The raiders won't hesitate to kill Clementine if they have to, they won't hesitate to hurt AJ. Violet knows this.

“But CJ, that’s not fair, that’s not comparable. Violet stayed with Minerva because of her past trauma! She couldn’t leave her to die on the boat, she has abandonment issues! It’s not okay to blame her for that when it’s not something she can help!”

That's fair. I understand that Violet has her reasons for staying with Minerva, and while I may not like that she chooses Minerva after stopping her from murdering Clementine, I won’t invalidate reasons that I as someone watching from the outside may not understand.

But may I ask why is Violet putting anyone, not even just AJ, in danger as a result of those things seen as understandable, sympathetic, better… but Louis doing the same thing isn’t?

Louis found out who Marlon really was after years of blind faith. Marlon admitted to murdering Brody and pinning it on Clementine. If you appealed to him, then Marlon pointed a gun right at Louis and had to full power to kill him right there and yet, he didn’t back down. If you appealed to Violet, Louis saw Marlon with the power to kill his friend. Marlon admitted that he gave away the twins, admitted that he would do it again if he had to. All in a short period of time.

Then Louis watched Marlon get murdered…… and you assume that wasn’t traumatic for him? You assume that he’s turning against AJ and Clementine because he’s just a shit head and not because what he saw not only hurt and horrified him, but is something that he will carry with him for the rest of his life? He’s not having a response to trauma, he’s purposely just trying to screw you over?

Just get over it, Louis. Marlon was a murderer, and AJ apparently doesn't know any better. This pain your feeling? Stop it. You don't get to vote us out and feel bad.... right?

No. Ignoring all of that just to make an argument that he sucks and isn’t a good love interest for Clementine doesn’t sit well with me. Choosing to get him shot in the woods by Abel as an act of karma for his vote, being offended that he doesn’t grieve on your time schedule, getting annoyed that he has conflicting feelings about Marlon because to you it’s cut and dry that Marlon was bad and Louis should just get over it, telling him to fuck off after he makes an effort to repair your relationship, romantic or otherwise...

And y’know, whenever I see someone condemn Louis for taking two weeks to grieve before going to Clementine and forgiving AJ but praise Violet for taking the same amount of time after AJ shoots Tenn to grieve but isn’t ready to forgive him, it screams double standards, hypocrisy. Violet is allowed to lash out at AJ when she’s hurt, allowed to snap at him for killing Tenn and take as long as she needs to grieve, she’s allowed to not forgive AJ right away for hurting her, but Louis isn't because you don't like him and don't want to respect/acknowledge his issues.

I know we always get upset and insist on not comparing trauma because each character is different and they handle things differently, and it’s not okay to invalidate that….. But it’s also not okay to ignore those things just because they don’t benefit your favored ship. It says a lot.

I could go on and on, I’ve written several posts about Louis in ep2. at this point if you still don’t like Louis or clouis, that’s fine. Agree to disagree.

And just to be crystal clear, this isn't a dig at Violet. Her issues and pain are understandable and I respect that she handles things differently. Just because I don't prefer her route that doesn't mean she's invalid.

Now if I didn't have any unburnt bridges left, let's rip the bandaid off: clemerva is a bad ship. I fucking hate clemerva.

I don't care if it's in an au or taking place in canon, in my opinion it's a terrible ship that's built on a canon where they try to kill each other. Clemerva is about aesthetic because most Minerva stans care more about her looks and sexuality than they do her actual character or the bullshit she went through.

Now this bothers me so much and the reasons I will die on the hill that clemerva is bad deals with a lot of little personal things.

Firstly, I have a history of not liking Minerva. Go back to posts from a year ago and you'll find me saying things about how I can't stand her, I don't like her, I don't get why people love her........ and things have changed.

I fucking love Minerva. She is such a fucking tragedy, her role in the story and how it's executed makes more sense now, and she's fascinating. What changed my mind was throwing away everything people have said about her and playing the game by myself and looking at her character, making my own interpretations, drawing conclusions.... and it clicked. It makes sense, Minerva is great!

And this change of heart only made me hate clemerva more because it does such a disservice to her character all for the sake of making her kiss Clementine, someone she fucking hates. Like... that's it. Throw her at Clementine, who cares if Minerva would NEVER want her.

If you want a more in depth look, I have this post I made about Minerva's character, and the only thing that I would change is that I don't dislike her anymore. I am a Minerva fan now.

it just gets under my skin that a wlw ship with two queer girls who physically harm one another on several occasions- the spitting thing really gets me because spitting at someone is so demeaning and gross and ugh .... y'know, that's why Lilly's character is ruined the moment she spits at and calls James "it"- they have no friendly chemistry and Minerva is too far gone at that point... that's the wlw ship people insist is good and that I'm wrong for not liking it and like...... you can't just argue that away.

You can't convince me that Clem and Minerva could eventually have a healthy relationship in canon if Minerva made it back to the school without erasing her trauma or the murder attempts.

And when it comes to AU's where Minerva wasn't taken by raiders or whatever... I can understand someone who likes Minerva wanting her to be happy and so they make an au where she didn't get traded to the raiders. That's fine, I don't have a problem with that. I want her to be happy, too, even though I know it'll never happen. My problem is the fact that shipping her with Clementine is viewed as more important than anything else.

if anything, some fans are kinda like Violet where they have this ideal, romanticized picture of her in their heads but the difference is Violet sees who she's become and eventually accepts that, she doesn't try to erase it. but when certain Minerva stans see her in canon..... no, don't like that, she doesn't fit the mold I made of her when her character was first teased and I am going to blame the writers for giving her ugly bits that I don't like, they are wrong for not giving my redemption arc, I want to see the tall, pretty, happy, queer girl I made up in my head kiss Clementine or Violet and you're wrong for not giving me that. I will use her trauma against anyone who criticizes her but I won't actually take it into account myself because that part of her isn't important until I say it is.

I can't with clemerva, it usually erases Minerva's character and replaces her with an OC wearing her face and it's just not for me.

You can vague post shit about me or send me anons like "wow imagine hating clemerva lol couldn't be me'" or "if you don't ship clemerva you are a coward lmao" or "clemerva haters are sexist/lesbophic/biphobic" all you want, it's not gonna make me change my mind about a ship between two queer girls who canonically try to kill each other on several occasions, where one spits blood in the other's face, and the other shoots her. Sorry that I don't think all Minerva needs is a new girlfriend instead of a therapist to overcome a years worth of trauma and brainwashing.

Look, I hate the ship but remember what I said in the beginning? Just because I hate it, that doesn't mean I hate people who like it. You have your reasons and I respect that, and I ask that you respect my reasons for not liking it. My only annoyances are with those fans who try to change my mind because I'm "wrong" or shame me for it by completely ignoring my issues in the first place.

Ugh..... anyway, there they are.

There's all my dumb unpopular opinions and hills I'll die on. Wasn't that fun? I'm gonna go make myself some tea because my salt train doesn't end here- I have asks about the Clem comic to answer next sksksks

[liesoverthec]

hi do you have a post about the timeline in 911 like with the year and the seasons and so including season 5

Hi anon!

I don't *technically* have a post w/ the timeline, so I'm using your ask as an opportunity to make one!

I'm going to put this under a cut, bc currently I have actually no idea what's going on with the timeline for s5, and as things air, I'll update this continually, and it can be used as the most updated resource whenever you open it!

I could not resist adding commentary sometimes, sorry 😅

*disclaimer - I understand the crossover is supposed to line up w LS’s timeline or whatever but it absolutely does not work for our timeline. So this is purely OG’s timeline, bc I don’t watch LS, and also our timeline is a lot more logical.*

911 OG timeline under the cut!

Just a note - anything that’s currently speculation is gonna be in blue. As we get confirmation of things, I’ll add in confirmed info and put things in black, and anything that’s wrong will be removed/edited.

Also, episodes tend to happen over several days’ time, so if you’re looking for an EXACT date for a little scene in an ep, I mostly don’t have it for you, but you should put it within the week I’ve given, relative to where it went in the ep. (Eg a call later in the ep would be more likely to have happened on Thursday or Friday.)

Also re: s4. COVID does not work as a good timeline indicator for this show, AT ALL. Its sort of like the whole “do they have regular shifts” debate - the writers wrote the stories they wanted to tell, and then fit COVID in around that. Also it got really screwed by them being done filming before it hit, but not having aired any of s3B yet. And then both bc COVID can’t be used to figure out time, and also bc it wasn’t aired normally, it is a lot more nebulous timeline-wise, I did my best though 😂

-Pre Series-

1966-1967: Athena is born.

1967: Bobby is born.

Mid Mar 1977: Chim is born (this has the potential to change in the future, details on why found here)

Sometime July - Dec 1979: Hen is born.

1983: Maddie is born.

1985: Daniel is born.

1987 - 1992: Eddie is born SOMETIME in this time window. Personally I like him in 1989/90, bc it makes him 21 when Christopher is born, but I think 1987 is also very plausible since that’s when RG is born.

Fall 1989: “Athena Begins” starts, continues through 1991 (Emmett dies on Feb 17th, 1991).

Somewhere between Feb 15 and mid September 1991: Buck is born.

Sometime Aug - Dec 1992: Daniel dies.

2000: Albert is born.

Aug 2000 - Feb 2001: Michael and Athena get married.

2002: May is born. (Discussion on May’s birth year here)

2005: Chim joins the firehouse, events of Chimney Begins stretch out over ~2007?? Unclear exact time frame but before Hen joins and over at least a year, if not more.

2006: Josh joins dispatch.

Sometime?? In 2008: Hen joins LAFD to be a paramedic. I really don’t have a good measure for this one bc it apparently takes years to become a paramedic but this is one area where the writers don’t give a SHIT about reality bc she has to join in 2008 for a comment in Future Tense to make sense. So just - early 2008 probably for this one.

Jan 2009: Hen joins the 118.

2009: Harry is born.

2010 or early 2011: Eddie enlists in the army for the first time - coincides with Shannon getting pregnant. (As of now, no idea if they were married before or after she got pregnant. Timeline of him enlisting in response to the pregnancy though indicates to me maybe they were already married.)

2011: Denny is born.

2011: Christopher is born. (Anyone curious, personally, I’d put his birthday somewhere in Jan-early March, late May-early Sept, purely bc I refuse to think at this point that Christopher’s birthday has happened while the show has been airing and Eddie hasn’t mentioned it. So it must be during usual hiatus times 😂)

Dec of 2014: “Bobby Begins Again” starts.

2015: Eddie is deployed a second time, his helicopter crashes/he’s discharged from Army/Shannon leaves him and Christopher

Sometime Aug-Dec 2016: Bobby becomes captain of the 118.

Aug 2017: Buck joins the 118.

-S1-

Jan 3 - Jan 9th, 2018: “Pilot”

Jan 10 - Jan 16, 2018: “Let Go”

Jan 17 - Jan 23, 2018: “Next of Kin”

Jan 24 - Jan 30, 2018 - “Worst Day Ever”

Jan 31 - Feb 6, 2018 - “Point of Origin”

Feb 7 - Feb 27, 2018 - “Heartbreaker”

Feb 28 - Mar 6, 2018 - “Full Moon (Creepy AF)”

Mar 7 - Mar 13, 2018 - “Karma’s A Bitch”

Mar 14 - Mar 20, 2018: “Trapped”

Mar 21 - Mar 27, 2018: “A Whole New You”

-S2-

Sept 1 - Sept 23, 2018: “Under Pressure”

Sept 24, 2018: the earthquake

Oct 8 - Oct 14, 2018: “Stuck”

Oct 15 - Oct 21, 2018: “Awful People”

Oct 22 - Oct 28, 2018: “Dosed”

Oct 29 - Nov 4, 2018: “Haunted”

Nov 5 - Nov 12, 2018: “Buck, Actually”

December 2018: “Merry Ex-Mas”

Mar 11 - Mar 15, 2019: “New Beginnings”

Mar 15 - 16, 2019: “Fight or Flight”

Apr 15 - Apr 21, 2019: “Broken”

Apr 22 - Apr 28, 2019: “Ocean’s 9-1-1″

May 6 - May 12, 2019: “Careful What You Wish For”

May 13 - May 19, 2019: “This Life We Choose” (in case you’re curious, cuz I was, average probationary period for a firefighter is 6-18 months, Eddie’s is 9mo w the 118 (plus 3mo at the academy = Bobby’s “year of hard work” in his speech) so he more or less has an average probationary period length! The timeline just doesn’t fit otherwise w Buck’s leg.)

-S3-

Sept 1 - Sept 22, 2019: “Kids Today”

Sept 22, 2019: the tsunami (ending scene events of “The Searchers” carry over into Sept 23, 2019)

Oct 14 - Oct 20, 2019: “Triggers”

Oct 21 - Oct 27, 2019: “Rage”

Oct 28 - Nov 1, 2019: “Monsters”

Nov 4 - Nov 10, 2019: present day “Athena Begins” events

Nov 11 - Nov 17, 2019: “Malfunction”

Nov 25 - Nov 30, 2019: “Fallout”

Dec 1 - Dec 25, 2019: “Christmas Spirit”

Mar 16 - Mar 22, 2020: “Seize the Day”

Mar 23 - Mar 30, 2020: “Fools”

Mar 30 - Apr 12, 2020: “Pinned” (end scene is Apr 13, 2019)

Apr 13, 2020: “The Taking of Dispatch 9-1-1” (end scene events take place sometime Apr 13 - Apr 19, 2020)

Apr 20, 2020: Events of present day “Eddie Begins” (Christopher’s show-and-tell is Apr 24, 2020)

Apr 27 - May 3, 2020: “The One That Got Away”

May 4 - May 10, 2020: “Powerless”

May 11 - May 17, 2020: “What’s Next?”

-S4-

Mid Sept 2020 (pretty damn sure actually it’s Sept 21, 2020, but since it wasn’t aired on a regular schedule I can’t be completely, 100% sure): The mudslide

End of Sept 2020: “Future Tense”

Oct 2020: “9-1-1, What’s Your Grievance?”

Oct 2020: Present day events of “Buck Begins”

End of Oct - beginning of Nov, 2020: “Jinx” (Jinx happens in ~25hrs, start to finish, I just can’t tell you exactly what day)

Mid Nov 2020: “There Goes The Neighborhood”

End of Nov 2020: “Breaking Point”

Somewhere around the last two weeks of Jan 2021 - first two weeks of Feb 2021: “Blindsided”

Somewhere around the last two weeks of March 2021 - first two weeks of April 2021: “Parenthood”

May 3 - May 9, 2021: “First Responders” (I *think* this is where the show catches up where the regular airing schedule matches up w the show’s timeline. I have no reason to think otherwise)

May 10 - May 16, 2021: “Treasure Hunt”

May 17 - May 24, 2021: “Suspicion”

May 24 - May 30, 2021: “Survivors”

-S5-

Sept 2021: Albert joins the LAFD in the montage at the end of Survivors

Sept 14, 2021 - initial spyware attack

Sept 20 - Sept 27, 2021 - actual blackout

Oct 11 - Oct 17, 2021: ‘Home and Away’

Oct 18 - Oct 24, 2021: ‘Peer Pressure’

Nov 1 - Nov 7, 2021: 'Brawl in Cell Block 9-1-1′

Nov 8 - Nov 14, 2021: ‘Ghost Stories’

Nov 15 - Nov 21, 2021: 'Defend in Place’

Nov 22 - Nov 30, 2021: 'Past is Prologue’

Dec 1 - Dec 25, 2021: ‘Wrapped in Red’

Mar 21 - Mar 27, 2022: ‘Outside Looking In’

Mar 15 - Mar 28, 2022: ‘Boston’ (flashbacks date back to Sept 27 and occur through the fall of 2021)

Apr 11 - Apr 17, 2022: ‘Fear-o-Phobia’

Apr 18 - Apr 24, 2022: ‘Dumb Luck’

Apr 25 - May 1, 2022: ‘FOMO’

[itsclydebitches]

I kinda wonder, what could bakugou do (hori write bakugou to do) to make him less popular with the "anti" crowd. Like He was a horrid child no doubt and people who try to put blame on Deku or lessen the terrible shit bakugou did aren't great. But as we don't rly see it, we have to assume bakugous behaviour wasn't stopped, we only ever saw his mum "punishing" him when he was being rude after getting kiddnapped. Nothing will excuse what bakugou did, but he has stopped? He's overall a harsh person but he's not harrassing and bullying people anymore, specifically not deku, he's trying to attone for what he did to deku and has now apologised for it. His behaviour was never viewed as justified or good in the series, he's a scary figure in middle school, we're not meant to like his behaviour, so the series itself hasn't justified his actions.

As someone who relate to both bakugou and deku more than I'd like to admit (never told someone to jump tho, that's fucked lol) so I can 100% understand not liking or even hating bakugou but as someone who's not 15 anymore, looking back I also made a lot of really shitty decisions and like bakugou have tried to make up for it, and like deku I was 'friends' with people who hurt me.

Is there anything he can do for the "antis" to just dislike him rather that be "anti"?

(I'm very sorry if you've talked about this somewhere, you can just tell me to look for it if you have, I'll continue to look for your posts on the subject)

Hey there, anon! I think I’ve spoken about this only tangentially and/or in my main Bakugo meta, which is too big for anyone sane to read. So yeah, let’s chat here!

For me personally—and that’s all I can ever do: speak personally. I think it’s important to keep in mind that there is no single solution to please the “anti” crowd. Each fan will be looking for something slightly different in Bakugo’s character, much of which might contradict what a “stan” is currently enjoying. Given how charged a character he is, I'm not sure it's possible to get the entire fandom to like him—what I’m looking for hinges on having a different reading of the story than you seem to. Meaning, I think the series does justify his behavior. Not in any overt, super obvious way like having all the characters go, “Wow, Bakugo! I sure do love how you threaten people all the time. That’s super cool and heroic!” Things are rarely that straightforward. Rather, it’s in a more subtle, but consistent manner that paints a rather conclusive picture across hundreds of chapters.

Simply put, Bakugo is continually rewarded for his actions. Or, if not outright rewarded, his actions are ignored in a way that implies silent acceptance. Characters may not always like what he does... but they're willing to let it slide because Bakugo's heroism was always treated as a given, not something he had to earn and prove.

With the ever necessary disclaimer that I’m not fully caught up yet, here’s a list of some of the things that stood out to me in the first half of the series:

Bakugo’s bullying made him the most popular kid in school.

Bakugo’s bullying was ignored by/outright supported by the teachers.

Bakugo’s bullying did not hinder him from getting into U.A., one of the most prestigious hero schools around.

Despite acting horribly throughout his time at U.A. too, this behavior was continually ignored by the teachers and other authority figures around him.

Bakugo’s struggle to realize that other people aren’t “trash” doesn’t hurt his achievements in any way. He still gets top scores, still wins the tournament, etc.

Bakugo’s behavior gets him special attention from All Might, the greatest hero and Bakugo’s personal idol.

His behavior doesn’t make others dislike him in any manner that’s taken seriously. Everybody is still willing to not just put up with Bakugo, but—in time—start treating his behavior as a quirk (no pun intended lol) that they’re secretly fond of, rather than something he should legitimately be striving to change. Kirishima is the most overt example of this.

This is compounded by his behavior constantly being framed as humorous. Much like with Mineta’s perverted actions, characters might superficially go, “No, that’s bad!” but the story never demands any significant development because then we’d lose the “joke” of Bakugo screaming in rage at the slightest inconvenience, threatening to murder someone over nothing, constantly belittling everyone around him in a “funny” manner, etc. When fans talk about development of a manga character as archetypal and extreme as Bakugo, most don’t really want to see significant change to his base personality. Because then that would result in someone who doesn’t look like the “real” Bakugo: someone nicer, more even-tempered, more mature, etc. But for those of us who were never drawn to that personality in the first place, the continued acceptance of his rude, egotistical, and violent behavior is discomforting. The easiest comparison I can draw is between this and Bakugo’s mother slapping him. That slap is meant to be another “joke”—we see it constantly in shonen anime, something "humorous" you shouldn’t take too seriously because haha, it's just an overprotective mother—but many fans do take it seriously, using it as the basis for a whole “Bakugo was abused and this explains his behavior” reading. Well, I take the “joke” of Bakugo’s threats and insults seriously, especially in a story that starts with something like telling Izuku to jump off the roof. In the same way that many fans want others to treat Bakugo’s mother as a serious topic that has had a negative influence on his development, I want the series to take Bakugo’s everyday actions seriously as a negative influence on… well, everyone around him. But it doesn’t. His base personality is grudgingly adored.

The above two points are seen most overtly in Izuku, who never wavers in his respect for Bakugo despite how Bakugo treats him. Not just prior to U.A., but during their training too. Izuku, as the protagonist, is the emotional heart of this tale, so when he talks about how inspiring Bakugo is, it encourages the reader to see his behavior as inspiring too. Rather than, as said, something that needs to change. Izuku's continued friendship with Bakugo, his adoration of him, and his acceptance of the way he's treated has severely warped how the entire story sees Bakugo's actions. After all, if #pure Izuku can see the good in Bakugo, why can't everyone else? He must not be that bad after all.

I could get into detailed analyses of all the above—like how Bakugo was the one comforted after attacking Izuku outside the dorms at night and how the messed up relationship he has with Izuku is upheld as something to nurture; how the remedial courses he had to take were made to be rather silly, thereby undermining their supposed importance to his development; how Bakugo’s kidnapping had nothing to do with his flaws, but much of the fandom uses it as a way to dismiss any appropriate consequences because, “Hasn’t he suffered enough?” etc.—but in the interest of keeping this within a readable length, I’ll leave it at that. The point is that Bakugo has always been privileged when it comes to his behavior, resulting in others either outright praising it, ignoring it, or demanding that he change a miniscule bit, which always keeps him far below the standards of both his peers and the expectations of a hero. Everyone in 1-A must learn to be even better than the good people they already are... Bakugo needs to learn that other people aren't dirt at the bottom of his shoes. It's never been a particularly impressive development when pit against the rest of the class. All of which can make something like an apology feel pretty hollow. Yes, he’s apologized and I say with all seriousness that that’s great! But how does that apology stack up against 300+ chapters of content? As Bakugo’s words highlight, he's been a really awful person up "until now": he was consumed by Izuku being “miles ahead of [him],” he “looked down on [him]” because he didn’t have a quirk, he “didn’t want to recognize that,” he “hated that,” “grew distant,” “tried to beat you down,” “opposed you and tried to show my superiority over you,” and ends it all with, “it probably doesn’t mean anything telling you all this” before finally getting to the “I’m sorry.” This is basically a laundry list of how horrible a person Bakugo has been for the entire series, with an acknowledgement that this apology is coming really, really late. This is the moment where I could START to like Bakugo, depending on how he acts form here on out, but that pivotal moment arrived after six years of content and in the final arc of the story. It’s too late. Bakugo needed this kind of self-reflection and positive action 250+ chapters ago so he could (hopefully) grow into a better person across the story, not at the story's end. What we got instead is 322 chapters of him being a really horrible person, but the story going out of its way to excuse or even praise that behavior the majority of the time.

As a quick comparison to end on, I think what Bakugo needed was what Soo Jin got in True Beauty. You don’t need to have seen the drama to follow along. The tl;dr is that she has a lot of the core qualities of Bakugo: an all-consuming drive to win that was created due to abusive parents with high expectations, resulting in her bullying a peer to a pretty horrific extent. The difference between them is how the story frames their actions. When Soo Jin becomes the bully she loses everything. Rather than succeeding academically, her grades plummet, making it clear that this anxiety and self-doubt (things the fandom keeps insisting Bakugo is struggling with, but that rarely ever show up in the text) is actually impacting her day-to-day life. Her best friend drops her because she’s not going to support her choices. The boy she likes rejects her. She’s eventually forced to start over somewhere new - which importantly separates her from the girl she was bullying - and get some distance from her parents, resulting in the growth needed to become a healthier, happier, good person again. So when Soo Jin apologizes to the girl she hurt, it feels earned. The story continually recognized how horrific her actions were and put her into a place where she either had to change, or continue losing at everything else that was important to her. Bakugo? Bakugo doesn’t lose. Oh, he claims he does because he’s comparing himself to Izuku constantly, but that’s just him thinking in extremes. He still wins academically. Still wins many battles. Still wins at having friends. Still wins by maintaining the prestige of being a U.A. student. Still wins by getting All Might’s attention. Still wins by receiving Izuku’s respect and an agreement to maintain this rivalry that Bakugo is so obsessed with. Bakugo comes out well 99% of the time, he just thinks he's "lost" because he can't stand not being the absolute best.

For me, the story needed to have Bakugo face consequences for his behavior, not receive rewards and/or have others ignore it, and that revelation/apology needed to come way, way sooner. For me the issue is not a specific action that Horikoshi can have Bakugo do in the next chapter and them bam, I like him now. The problem is Bakugo’s entire concept, how he’s received by the entire cast, and his run across this entire series. "Entire" is the key word there. Which is why the “But he’s apologized. What more do you antis want?” reactions don’t sit well. What we wanted is a better written redemption arc across those 300+ chapters, not a single scene that’s meant to have us forget all the other problems inherent in the story. At this point it’s a far more complicated situation than, “Bakugo just needs to do X, Y, and Z and then we’re golden.” At the end of the day, Horikoshi failed to make me like him as a person and I’m pretty sure he isn’t going to change Bakugo enough to make him likable to me. Bakugo was never the sort of character I’d be inclined towards without a serious, nuanced redemption arc, but sadly, a core, crucial part of that redemption arc took six years to arrive. At this point there’s no way to change the problems in Bakugo’s writing for that huge chunk of the series and not enough time left in the series, it seems, to do the work we should have seen across the entire run. Honestly, idk if the Bakugo we'll get going forward is someone I can just dislike as opposed to being really uncomfortable with, but my money is on there being too little story left and too much investment in upholding Bakugo's base personality for that to happen. I could absolutely be proven wrong! But I think the problems are structural and needed to be better dealt with from page one, not hastily patched over in the final hour.

[visbiscuit]

VIS' DUMP ( aka some kind of Masterlist )

I definitely love me some men! No worries, there will be a lot for the ladies out there. Remember that I write with a fem!reader or fem!character in mind as I identify as a female. If you want me to write something with neutral gender or with male!reader or male!character, just ask and I will try my best. I promise you.

disclaimer. English is not my main language. If you notice any kind of mistakes, please tell me and don't be mean :). I am giving a shot at this to try and improve my written English. Thank you for paying attention and have a biscuit for your kindness!

REQUEST ARE OPEN!

NO MINORS ALLOWED. 18+.

MARVEL

MISCELLANEOUS

SERIES

let a thousand flowers bloom (ongoing series)

Floriography is a language, the language of flowers. Floriography is an art that only true artists know how to embrace. Floriography has always been a lover's best friend and the power it holds can be far greater than the one of words. When furtive glances, lips raised in embarrassed smiles, and intertwined hands aren't enough, there's always a petal to act as a messenger to two young lovers. The challenge is to understand the message and live to receive another or perish in the desire to escape it.

JAMES B. BARNES

SERIES

1. thursday's child. bucky barnes x fem!ofc (discontinued)

This is a story of a baby with no mom but three fathers. There is Steve, the gentle giant, who would throw himself under a bus for him. There is Sam, the fun parent, who thought at first they were starring in Mamma Mia! the remake. And there's Bucky, the brooding soul, who wants nothing to do with this child at all. Can you guess who the father is?

zero one two

STEVEN G. ROGERS

ONE-SHOTS

1. delicate like snowflakes steve rogers x fem!reader

Steve Rogers and the reader celebrate their anniversary during Christmas Eve. Steve can't stop thinking about how, why, and when he fell in love with her

2. black lies cheating!steve rogers x fem!reader

You try to resist him countless times until you don't anymore and this is the aftermath of having sex with your best friend's boyfriend, Steve

3. valley of desires steve rogers x intern!femreader

Steve and his love for boobs. That's it. +18

4. whistle stop thief! steve rogers x fem!reader

Steve Rogers steals from the rich and gives to the poor. He breaks into houses and tries to take as many things as he can to help his people. He always whistles while entering a house to see if someone’s inside. One day, he accidentally enters his old employer’s house and finally meets his daughter, Y/N, who doesn’t call the police but… blows his whistle. +18

RPF ( REAL PERSON FICTION )

CHRIS EVANS

25 days of CHRIS-mas (discontinued)

A collection of 25 one-shots, drabbles, and, maybe, multi-part imagines on Chris Evans' character and himself to be with you till Christmas 2021.

Wind of Change chris evans x fem!ofc (discontinued)

"I'm not brave enough to leave, but I would love for you to ask me to stay."

It takes little to make a man weak. Many would say that disappointments chip away at a person's armor or, perhaps, it is the fear of making mistakes that kills the spirit. Actually, a man's weakness is also the thing that makes him the strongest: loving someone. Chris loves Lilac like he's never loved anyone before. In her eyes he sees galaxies of futures together, in her hands, he sees his beating heart, and in her womb the idea of a family. It's not easy to love when the rest of the world dictates you shouldn't. Lilac loves Chris like a sunflower loves the sun. To her, he truly is the sun, her guide, her best friend, the one she would die for. She constantly sacrifices herself to make him happy. Sometimes, though, always thinking about the other isn't the right way to solve things. This is the story of Lilac and Chris, a compelling tale of how people are always changing... and how love, on the other hand, stays the same.

[sorryimananti-romantic]

Mist | Choi San | Chapter 6

Pairing: Choi San x OC (Seohyun)

Genre: supernatural (ghost), romance, high school

Trigger Warnings: paranormal, death mentions, violence

Words: 14k

Disclaimer: I do not own anything except my original character and the story. I do not own any gifs or pictures used.

Full story on Wattpad (don’t spoil here if you read there too)

chapter directory

--------------

Seohyun woke up with a groan, her head feeling heavy. She opened her eyes, blinking as the events of last night came to her. San was no longer here though. She checked her phone, and there was a text from him, saying his parents had called him.

After a shower and a cup of coffee, Seohyun sat in front of the television, thinking what she was gonna do. It was Saturday so they had no school, and she'd caught up on her sleep. She wanted to go out, but it was risky. The ghost- that evil, evil thing could turn up anywhere. Plus, she had no idea where Gayoung and Youngjae were.

Seohyun bit her lip as she thought about solving this problem; there was no way this ghost would come to her senses with mere words. It didn't look like she had faith in god anymore too, so a simple exorcism would be difficult. So what could she do? She had never dealt with such a dangerous one before, someone who was hell-bent on killing her.

And this time, it made sense why the ghost wanted to kill her so badly. All the evil ghosts she'd encounter in her life had never had an actual reason to harm her except being angry at life and whatnot. But this woman; what she had said made sense. And if it was true...

She wished there was another mediator she could consult with. But there was the matter of it being an inherited-once-dead thing. She could consult with the shaman she knew. Maybe he could help her communicate with a wise old ghost who'd actually give her a few tips.

The ghost's words rang in her ears: Don't tell me you didn't know? When a mediator dies, there is a short time period during which there is no other mediator in the world. That's when ghosts can do whatever they want; trespass, interact with humans, and much more. She cursed the previous mediators for not making an account of their knowledge and findings. She made a mental note to write a mediator guideline for the next unlucky person.

Seohyun got up, deciding she'd go to the shaman herself. No point waiting; she wanted to get it over with as soon as possible. The shaman was not too far from where she lived. She would take a taxi, just to be safe.

Seohyun was wondering where those two siblings had disappeared off too. She had allowed them to come and go as they pleased; it was unusual for them to be gone so long. Seohyun reached the place where the shaman lived after 10 minutes, getting off and finding the doors locked.

"Just my great fucking luck," she sighed, going to the market right in front of that place and asking if they knew where the shaman had went. She found out he had moved recently. She mentally cursed herself for not keeping his business card with her; she would have to go home and check if she still had it. She usually made some other use of business cards, such as making airplanes and boats out of them. Her origami was going to be the death of her.

Seohyun was just calling for taxi when she felt her heart sink in, realizing the evil ghost was near. She quickly stepped into property instead of hanging around the street, but nothing appeared. Maybe she was going insane, finally.

After waiting for two solid minutes, she was about to sit in the taxi when she heard a voice say:

"I saw that pretty boy leave your house in the morning."

Chills ran down her spine as she finally met her eyes with the ghost. "And what of it?"

"I found it interesting that he has the sight. I was wondering how that could help me."

"What do you mean?" Seohyun paused- this was not happening.

"He can see me. He thought he saw me in the morning but I hid. So I, with the help of those two kids who were too scared to disobey me, led him somewhere. And if you are a decent human, you'd follow me."

"You're lying."

"Go ahead and check if I am," she countered.

With a wildly beating heart, Seohyun pressed call, once, twice, thrice. He was not picking up. She texted in the group chat if anyone had been in contact with San since today. And everyone replied they hadn't.

Seohyun sighed in defeat as she said, "Lead the way."

The woman howled with laughter, making Seohyun grit her teeth and want to strangle her, but she walked, taking her god knows where. Seohyun tried to ask if she really wanted to kill her, and if so, why wasn't she already doing it. Why wait?

They were out in a clearing, near the expressway where cars and trucks rushed in full speed. What was she gonna do, attempt a ritual? Seohyun didn't understand.

"Just tell me where San is. And don't even think about hurting me. You want me, you have me."

"Oh dear," the woman walked towards her, and Seohyun tried to keep her calm as she grew closer, circling her once before whispering in her ear, "I don't have you. Not yet."

Seohyun winced at her foul breath, the woman raking a nail across her neck, drawing out blood. "I can't give you a mortal wound. I can only hurt you so much. That's why you mediators have it so easy."

Even if Seohyun's neck was on fire from the pain, she felt a spark of hope in her heart. That would mean she could run- she could escape.

"But that doesn't mean I can't do it indirectly," the ghost smiled, baring her brown teeth, and it was the evilness in her eyes that made Seohyun gasp as she realized.

She had been stupid- but she had no guarantee that San was safe. That Gayoung and Youngjae were safe. She couldn't run, not exactly. The woman flicked her hand, and Seohyun winced at the sound of a car crashing. She turned sharply; the car had hit the truck. The car had crashed the other way, but the truck-

It was tumbling and was coming right for her- unnaturally.

Seohyun forgot about everything else and ran, but somehow the woman was able to control the movement of the truck. She jumped in an attempt to dodge, the woman was cornering her. She had no choice but to step on the road, but one of the speeding cars failed to dodge the crashed car and struck it, skidding across the road and hitting Seohyun with a tremendous force that sent her flying before her head hit the traffic barrier and everything went black.

The woman laughed even as she cried out in pain. She had emptied the last of her powers on this crash, and she screamed as she felt herself burn from the inside out. But Seohyun was surely dead- she had to be. If she was dead, this wouldn't happen to her.

The woman screamed one last time before disappearing into thin air- this time for good. But it was no good now. Seohyun lay unconscious on the road, bent in a painful angle as people surrounded her and called an ambulance. A student checked her pulse; it was growing weaker by the second.

Seohyun was rushed to the hospital as soon as the ambulance arrived; her heart flatlined once before she was revived again, having escaped death from a hair's breadth. She was put on hold for her surgery as they called her mother for consent.

Her mother had rushed into the hospital- face streaked with tears. She had only had time to touch her face once before she was taken to the operating room, and she sat on the waiting chair, motionless. Her friend, Aunt Yuri that Seohyun had always liked, had comforted her mother, making her drink water and relax a bit. All they could do was pray.

Seohyun's phone, which was now in Yuri's hand, rang. It was Yunho. Yuri picked the phone, inquiring if he was a friend, and when he assured her that he was indeed a close friend, Yuri revealed the accident to him.

Yunho had almost dropped his phone as he heard, terror washing over him as he realized it must have been the evil ghost's doing. He washed his face, sighing as he tried to control his trembling hands. He was not ready to lose a friend.

Yunho called and told each of their friends individually, keeping San for the last, frowning when he did not pick up. He decided to go to his home and check. Before he reached his home, he found San walking outside the house as if looking for someone.

"San, hey," Yunho rushed to him, "Why weren't you picking the phone?"

"I lost it, but then Gayoung and Youngjae admitted they had hidden my phone. I was just going after them; I don't know why they'd done so. What's wrong?"

Yunho bit his lip as he thought of how to reveal it to him. He told him then; Seohyun had been in an accident, and she was under surgery now. They weren't sure if she was gonna make it.

San put a hand to his head, shaking his head in disbelief. "Was it- is it because of the ghost?"

"Not sure," Yunho said, "But seeing how Gayoung and Youngjae hid your phone, it must be. Seohyun was trying to contact you all day."

"Shit. Shit!" San punched the air in frustration, his lip trembling. How had it come to this?

"Which hospital is she in? I need to go."

So Yunho and San took a taxi to the hospital, and Yunho kept a hand on San's trembling one the whole ride. He seemed intent to keep his calm. When they arrived, they asked the reception for Seohyun and rushed to the floor she was in. They saw two women right outside the operating room, and figured it had to be Seohyun's mother and her friend who'd picked the phone. They sat on a distance, and San put his head in his hands as they waited.

Yuri, who had noticed the two boys, came towards them, asking if one of them was indeed Yunho. "We're praying for the best, but the doctors say it's risky. You both should head home, this surgery might take a while."

"It's fine," San finally said, "I'll wait."

Yuri raised a brow but then nodded, saying she was going to grab some coffee for Seohyun's mother and she'd grab some for them too. After drinking and some comforting from both sides, having found Seohyun's mother fallen asleep, the boys decided to get some air.

They walked in the hospital garden which was pretty big, lit by several lamps, and some of the patients could be seen sitting or walking. San's eyes were on the ground; he was afraid if he looked up he'd cry.

Yunho patted San's back and he put his face in his hands, sighing. He'd never imagine this. And the way Seohyun had been last night, so scared, he should have known. The things she said, he should have believed it wasn't just her being paranoid.

Hongjoong and Seonghwa came along with Yeosang; the rest lived too far away and couldn't join at this hour. Yeosang looked visibly pale and he kept rubbing his hands as if he felt cold. Upon asking, Yunho told them she was still in surgery, and yes, her mom was here with a friend too.

They sat in the garden. Seonghwa had bought some sandwiches from home; he knew some of them wouldn't have had dinner yet.

"You should eat, San," he said, "We don't know how long the surgery is gonna be. It's no good if you're on an empty stomach." He handed him a sandwich and San halfheartedly nibbled on it. The rest of them were pretty much silent too, at loss for words. They found comfort in just being together.

After finishing, they decided to go up and check the situation and maybe go back home to sleep. San dusted his clothes as he walked, and stopped dead in his tracks as he heard a familiar voice call his name.

"San."

The rest of them paused, looking back at San, whose eyes were wide with terror. "What's wrong?" Hongjoong asked.

San dreadfully turned back as if not quite believing, and the water bottle he'd been holding slipped out of his hand.

It couldn't be.

In front of him was Seohyun, unscratched, smiling sadly.

She was a ghost.

-----------------

"Seohyun?"

San couldn't believe his eyes. Seohyun stood unscratched in front of him, but it was not her. It couldn't be. She was in an accident, how could she be in front of him like this?

A cry of pain escaped from Yeosang as he realized, covering his ears as if that could mean he was wrong. Hongjoong and Seonghwa looked at each other, and Yunho stepped towards San, stopping when he found him staring in the distance.

"How are you... here?" San managed to ask, walking towards her, but she took a step back, leaving San's hand dangling in the air. His brows were furrowed in a pained expression.

"I don't know, San," Seohyun said, smiling sadly. San went for her abruptly, and his hand went through her.

"No... This can't be...." San's knees gave out and Yunho rushed to him, massaging his back as tears finally escaped his eyes. He sat down, his face in his hands, now almost touching the ground. Seohyun bent near him as if she could touch him.

"It's my fault," San sniffed. Yunho wiped his eyes, looking back Hongjoong- pale with shock, Seonghwa clinging to him, holding Yeosang's trembling hand.

"It's not your fault. It's that witch's fault. And you have to listen-"

"It's mine," San whispered. Seohyun bit her lip as she began to speak but was cut again as he said, "I'm sorry I didn't pick your phone."

"I know what happened, don't worry-"

"I'm sorry-"

"CHOI SAN LISTEN TO ME FOR A SECOND!" Seohyun shouted and San jerked, forcing his head up to face her. "I don't think I'm dead. Not fully, at least. You have to go and ask the details."

"What do you mean? You're a ghost, doesn't that mean-"

"Maybe not. Please do that."

San nodded, explaining to the others that there was a possibility she was alive, though it did not make sense to him. They started walking to the building, and Seohyun said, "And please wipe your faces. Don't show that you know anything. I don't want my mom to know that I'm a ghost, even if I'm dead."

San winced at that but did so, and they went upstairs in the waiting area, where Seohyun's mother was crying. Yuri was patting her back but looked okay. Upon seeing San and Yunho with other friends, she whispered something to Seohyun's mother, who casted a glance at them and nodded, and Yuri walked to them.

"Seohyun's alive for now. She's in a coma. The surgery was successful but this was unavoidable, so we can expect her to return sometime within 3 months or more, depending on Seohyun now. Can't say anything about that. You guys should go home. They'll let you see her tomorrow."

Seohyun sighed in relief despite herself, and the boys finally managed a smile and asked San if she was here. San nodded, looking at Seohyun. She smiled happily now for San's sake, but he was still gloomy.

"You're gonna smile back or I'm gonna haunt you in your dreams, Choi San."

San let out a short laugh. "I guess you can do that now. Let's go out."

They went to an empty street and San asked Seohyun what had happened. She told him how the woman had used San as a bait for her to call her out. San told her that Gayoung and Youngjae had only taken his phone, assuring her he'd been home all day. Seohyun assured him it was still not his fault, that sooner or later this would've happened.

"So where's the ghost now? If you're still alive, won't it come after you again?" Seonghwa asked.

"I'll have to ask around," Seohyun said. "I can actually teleport now. I'm gonna try and find Gayoung and Youngjae. They must have been pretty scared if they did her bidding."

"Stay safe, Seohyun," San said, and Seohyun brought her hand near his face as if she meant to touch him.

"I will. Don't worry. Go home guys, I'll see you tomorrow."

"Yeah, we'll tell the others too now," Yunho said, "They'll be shocked."

"San, please tell Yeosang to stop trembling. I'm alive!"

San looked at Yeosang. He still seemed pale and his hands wouldn't stop shaking. So he did what Seohyun would have done for him; took his hands in his own, telling him it was alright. Seohyun was alive.

"I just can't believe it," Yeosang said, "For a second- when you said her name- I thought-"

"Yeah, I know, me too," San admitted. "It's alright. She's okay."

They waved her goodbye as they went home, and Seohyun cursed as loudly as she could, now that no one could hear her. Then she decided it was time to teleport to that hill, Gayoung and Youngjae must be given an earful.

She closed her eyes shut and imagined being sucked into space. The familiar tingling sensation ran from the top of her head to the tip of her toes; one moment she was here and the next, cold wind hit her face. She was there.

She peeked into the 'cave', basically a home to the ghost siblings. She found them sitting with their knees close to their chest. It was crazy how much they were like each other.

Seohyun cleared her throat and walked in, and the two of them stumbled back, almost falling.

"Are you alive?

"Are you dead?"

"Neither," Seohyun replied, "I did not know going into a coma would make me a ghost."

"Seohyun, I am so sorry-"

"Don't," Seohyun put a hand in the air, shutting them up. "Just tell me what made you do this."

"She threatened to hurt our parents. She knew where they lived. They're who we're staying here for, if she hurt them... I'm sorry," Gayoung looked down in shame.

"She actually asked us to 'take care' of San. We didn't promise her anything, just that he wouldn't interfere," Youngjae added.

"Well, thank you for that," Seohyun smiled, sitting near them. "It must have been hard for you both."

The two of them looked at each other, on the verge of crying.

"I swear if a tear falls down your faces, I'm personally gonna kick you out of this ghost realm."

Gayoung laughed a little, quickly wiping her eyes, and Youngjae did the same. They were just kids, Seohyun thought. They shouldn't have had to think it was their fault or anything.

"But what happened with the witch?" Seohyun asked.

"After she thought she killed you, we saw her screaming. We had just teleported to you when we sensed you were in danger. She just... vanished. And this time I mean like dissipated in the air like ashes. I guess she died again..." Youngjae said.

"Wow. Serves her right!" Seohyun sighed in relief.

"Did you meet San?" Gayoung asked and Seohyun nodded, looking grim.

"I don't think you should leave him alone tonight. He's gonna take this badly."

Seohyun's heart sank. She was right. Seohyun expected San to be alright, but that was just her own expectation. She wasn't actually so sure he would be.

"I don't know where he lives," Seohyun said.

"We'll take you to her," Gayoung said, holding out her hand to her and squeezing it, muttering an earnest thank you. Seohyun nodded, and they teleported once again.

It was an average looking house, much like the ones along the whole street. But somehow it felt more like a home than Seohyun's plain house looked.

"Do you think I can enter?" She wondered out loud, and Gayoung grinned.

"You should try. You should be able to since you're a mediator anyway."

Seohyun shrugged, taking a careful step forward. Indeed, she was able to enter. It seemed like she did have special benefits being a ghost. "I feel like I'm intruding."

"Oh he's your boyfriend, just go," Gayoung waved her hand at her, dismissing her as Youngjae grinned, wriggling hi brows at her. The two snickered, waving bye and teleporting back.

Seohyun stood awkwardly at the front door, afraid she'd be intruding their privacy. She paced back and forth, wondering if she should call San, or just go up and give him a little scare in the process. He probably wasn't in the mood for fun and jokes. She'd seen his face when he'd thought she'd die, and it was something she wished she could erase from her memory.

While she was biting her nails in confusion, she heard the front door open, and for a second, she panicked. But it was only San.

"I saw you from my window," he said, holding the door open, "Come in."

Seohyun bit her lip and nodded, entering. San closed the door behind him and led her upstairs. They went past his sister's room before entering his. Seohyun looked around, his love for plushies obvious by his large collection.

"Which one is Shiber?" Seohyun asked.

"That one," San pointed at the bed. It was a shiba plushie. San slept with it, it seemed.

"Poor thing," Seohyun grinned. San gave her a little smile as he motioned for her to sit. He sat on his bed and Seohyun brought the chair close. "Not how I thought I'd come to your home."

San shook his head, looking down. Seohyun almost leaned forward to touch him until she realized she couldn't. "Are you okay?"

"I'm not, to be honest," San began, meeting eyes with her, "I really thought you... were dead. When you appeared like that. I'm still not over that feeling."

Seohyun felt guilty. She'd found herself a ghost at the site of the accident, right when they were taking her to the hospital. She'd made it there, but she couldn't bring herself to step inside the hospital. She'd spotted San and Yunho from there. "I'm sorry."

"Oh no, you don't have to be," San shook his head, "Not your fault. I just wish I could... touch you right now. Hold you so I'd know you're real and it's not me going crazy."

"I know San," Seohyun almost whispered, "Me too."

They looked at each other sadly, and Seohyun put her hand in front of him, and for a moment San thought she was gonna ask for a high-five. "Put your hand here," she said.

San put his hand forward, and before he could touch, Seohyun pulled hers a little back. "No touching. Just... close. Like this," she put their hands close until there was only a hair's breadth of distance between them. San could have swore he could feel her warmth.

She smiled at him and drew her hand back. "The sibling duo was threatened by that bitch too. I feel sorry for them."

"That explains," San thought, "they didn't seem the type to just turn away like this."

"They apologized thoroughly. But it's okay now. It's only a matter of waking up from that coma... If I can make it."

"Keep your hopes up," San scolded and she smiled sheepishly. "How do you feel though? I mean, now that you're... a ghost. Does it feel any different that being a human?"

"I don't exactly feel weird inside," Seohyun realized, "But there does seem to be something different about this world now. It's like there's a veil over my eyes. Everything is a little cloudy now. Like I have bad eyesight."

"Does that mean you can't see me clearly?" San wondered.

"No, it's like there's a filter now. You know like the ones in the camera where you can decrease the clarity? That's how it feels. Weird."

San nodded. "Will you sleep?"

"I honestly don't know," Seohyun admitted. "I'll watch you sleep though. Maybe that might put me to sleep."

"I don't think I can sleep with you watching me," San huffed. Seohyun let out a short laugh and asked, "Do you want me to go?"

"No- stay. Please," he said, getting up to turn off the lights so there was only light from the little lamp on his desk. He lied down on his bed, facing her, watching her as she stood by the window, peeking out.

She was a ghost, San thought. He wanted her to wake up as soon as possible. He wasn't sure if he could live if Seohyun, god forbid, died and remained a ghost. He couldn't even imagine it.

As if sensing his thoughts, Seohyun turned, staring at him for a moment, those cheekbones pronounced in the shadows. She walked towards him slowly as he watched, and dropped to her knees in front of him, resting her head on the little space on the bed near San, and he crouched too, until they faced each other. She tested once, let her hand hover over his, putting it on top of him- but it passed through, making San shiver a little. So she drew her hand a bit back, until it almost touched at the fingertips.

They stared at each other, and San's eyelid drooped, shutting as he fell asleep. Seohyun closed her eyes too.

--------------------

Seohyun must have actually fell asleep because when she awoke, when she opened her eyes, she was not in San's room but in front of her body, lying still with tubes coming out of everywhere. Her mother was sleeping rather uncomfortably on the sofa.

Her mother. She looked disheveled, and it made Seohyun gasp a little with surprise. She had always seen her so composed, so calm and full of control. She couldn't bring herself to go to her mother when she'd seen her crying of relief, back when they'd heard that her surgery had been successful.

She was glad that her Aunt Yuri had kept her company. She would have to thank her when she woke up. If she ever did. Seohyun shook her head, ridding herself of such thoughts.

Seohyun figured this was where she was gonna wake up every time she slept. She peeked out of the window to see that it was already morning. She felt like she hadn't slept at all, which was weird.

Her mother groaned, rubbing her eyes as she woke up. She looked like she had forgotten for a moment where she was, and as she took in her surroundings, Seohyun saw realization hit her as she jerked violently.

Her mother stared at her for a long while, before sighing and throwing her head in her hands. She thought her state must have been a nuisance for her ever-busy mother, but then she saw the tears fall down her mother's eyes as she hastily wiped at them.

She fell back on her seat, laughing, probably at the situation. And then she spoke:

"When your dad left me, I thought nothing could break me anymore."

Seohyun's eyes went a little wide at the sudden mention of her dad, who had passed away due to his heart problem a little after Seohyun's birth. Her mother had told her fragments of her life with him; they had met at work and fallen in love, spending a few years together before marrying and having a daughter.

"Your dad... he had my whole heart. So you can't blame me for my lack of love because it went with him to the grave. I tried loving you, and I thought it would be very hard. But somehow... I didn't even realize that I already loved you, way before you were born. I loved the thought of you."

Seohyun's heart sank. She thought she was invading her privacy by hearing all this... But technically, her mother was talking to her, wasn't she?

"I realize now. Now that you're looking like your dad in his last moments, I realize how afraid I am to lose you. If you followed him, I'd just be an empty shell."

Seohyun wanted to hug her mom and tell her it was alright. She wanted to give her a sign that she was here... but she figured it would do more harm than good.

"I hope you come back, Seohyun. My little girl. I promise to be a better mother, just- come back."

Seohyun's eyes shone with silver as she smiled at her mother's word. So her mother really did love her. She watched as she got up, straightening her clothes. "I'm going to distract myself until you're back. And then I will give you all the time in this world. Take you where you want to. Act like a proper mother that I should have done years ago. I'm- I'm sorry for not doing that earlier."

She walked to Seohyun's body, planting a kiss on her forehead and Seohyun could have sworn she felt a tingle of it too.

Her mother left after smiling at her, and Seohyun inhaled. She needed to distract herself too.

------------

"I'm making a video of this, and no one is gonna stop me."

"What if someone sees it, Yeosang?" Hongjoong asked, shaking his head.

"I don't care," he replied as he did exactly as he had said. Make a video of Seohyun drumming furiously.

Except you could not see Seohyun and it looked like the drums were playing itself.

"I could start a YouTube channel and earn money from videos like these," he smirked.

"If you start earning money because I'm on the borderline of death," Seohyun had stopped drumming now, "I'll actually haunt you for the rest of my life."

San, who was watching the whole thing while sulking on the sofa, told Yeosang exactly what she had said.

"Good. At least I'll have company for the rest of my life."

Seohyun threw the drumstick, aiming for his head, and it hit home as he yelled in pain, a few colourful words escaping his mouth.

"You deserved it," Hongjoong laughed. Yeosang threw the drumstick back and Seohyun caught it, putting it down. She was done playing. She took the notebook they'd given her for communication and wrote: If I do end up dying, I'll help you all make money. At least I'll still be useful after death, you morons.

She held the notebook for them to read, trying to hide the view from San, but he ended up peeking too, and shook his head again, sulking even more.

"Back with her death jokes," Hongjoong looked at the book with disapproval.

Seohyun threw the book back at the table and came to sit with San, mirroring his sulking position. "It's so boring to have only you to actually talk to, no offence."

"Some taken," San said, "Be grateful I can see you. Imagine if I hadn't followed you that day."

"Actually grateful for that," Seohyun grinned. A ghost of smile crept on his face.

She heard the door of the warehouse open as the rest of them arrived. "Is Seohyun here?" Wooyoung asked, looking worried.

Hongjoong said yes, and he looked around saying, "Wherever you are, I'm so sorry about the accident, Seohyun. I don't want you to die, please come back! I can't lose you!"

Seohyun picked the pillow and threw it with considerable force at Wooyoung, who screamed and Mingi laughed. "Glad to see you're in good spirits."

"Are you okay though?" Jongho asked, having realized she must be sitting with San, "Does it... hurt or anything?"

San told them she said it was fine, it was just like being alive except no one can see her anymore which is making her sad and bored. He skipped the part where she had said that San was kinda boring these days too.

"Glad to hear," Wooyoung put the bag of snacks on the table. "I bought snacks, but... can you eat?"

Seohyun decided it was time to test that theory. She hadn't felt the need to eat, but she supposed theoretically she should be able to eat. She picked a packet of chips and opened it, the rest of them watching her curiously. She picked one in her hand, and then slowly put it in her mouth.

She could eat.

She danced in victory, making the rest of them laugh as Yunho hooted, "Time to loot the stores!"

"Nice idea!" She yelled back, coming back to sit with San, offering him some. He refused first but she made him open his mouth and put one in it. "This feels good. It's like being able to touch you."

San smiled. He felt that too.

Seohyun got up, going to Seonghwa and waiting for him to open his mouth. He was confused for a second but then opened, and Seohyun put the chip in his mouth. "This feels weird," he muttered, but smiled.

One by one, Seohyun put chips in their mouths, making them laugh. Yeosang filmed the whole thing, saying he was gonna make a compilation video once she was back.

San watched her with a curious look in his eyes. She had been acting a bit... different. More cheerful than she should have been. Or maybe he was too gloomy? When Seohyun came back, San folded his arms. "Did something... happen today?"

Seohyun got quiet for a second before she told him about how she had heard her mom talk to her. San wished he could hug her. Even though she sat right next to him, she felt so distant. His heart ached.

"At least now you know for sure that your mother does love you, in her own way."

"I suppose so," Seohyun sighed, folding her arms, watching Mingi and Wooyoung have a little brawl over who was better at drums, "I haven't ever seen her like that. Makes me want to not... die. Not that it's in my control anymore."

"Don't think like that," San turned towards her, "Your willpower is important."

"Is it?" Seohyun countered, and San narrowed his eyes. "I'll have to test that theory-"

"Do not even THINK of trying something reckless-" His voice was raising.

"I'd like to see you stop me-"

"HEY!" San got up abruptly, and everyone turned to look at him, "Does your life mean nothing to you?"

Seohyun instantly got deja vu. He'd said something like this before too. She stared at him as he groaned and pinched his nose bridge in frustration, pacing back and forth and then stopping again. "I thought your life meant something to you now. You had friends- you had us. We love you and care about you so much. I care about you so much. Your mother does. But all you care about is yourself?"

"San-" Blood rushed to Seohyun's cheeks as she realized, "I didn't mean-"

"You did mean it, Seohyun," San sighed, "I- I thought you finally had something to live for."

"San, I do. Believe me, I do."

San looked at her, shaking his head, and Seohyun felt like she could disappear. "Think about it, Seohyun."

He turned and started to go, and Seohyun grabbed his hand- or tried to- but it passed right through.

"I need some time to clear my head," he muttered as he left.

Everyone watched San leave the warehouse, and their eyes went back to where San had been standing, where Seohyun now stood. She felt disappointed in herself. She slumped down on the sofa, the others realizing she was still here.

"What was that about?" Seonghwa asked out loud. Seohyun just clenched her hair as she groaned loudly, cursing herself, glad nobody could hear her right now.

Hongjoong came and sat near Seohyun, saying, "If you want to talk about it, I'm here."

Seohyun thought it was sweet of him. He'd brought the pen and notebook too, placing it in between them. Seohyun took it, scribbling in it.

I messed up big time

Hongjoong read it, scooting a little closer, the notebook seemingly in her lap. She wrote again:

I'm a disappointment to San.

Hongjoong shook his head, "You're not. Trust me, you're not." He took a deep breath, having figured out what the fight was about. "I know you've had it rough, and you're not used to all these new relations. But whatever happened, you can set it right. San won't stay angry, but he'll be truly disappointed if you don't."

Seohyun thought about, and didn't realize her tears were falling on the notebook. Hongjoong could see it.

"You haven't cried since the accident, right? You're very brave, Seohyun."

Seohyun laughed a bit as she realized, making her cry even harder. She scribbled Thanks in the notebook, putting it aside. She knew what she had to do. Apologize.

She got up, walking towards the piano. Seating herself, she tested the keys, giving everyone a little scare before she started to play.

It was the piece Joon Hyuk had taught her. It was utterly sad but beautiful, and it had took her months to get better at it. As she played, she realized her muscle memory was better now. So she lost herself in the sadness of it, her fingers dancing on the keyboard.

When she was finished, she opened her eyes, breathing. it took her a good minute to come back to reality, and when she did, everyone was staring at her. Or the piano.

"Tell me someone got it on their phone," Yeosang mumbled.

Seohyun threw her head back and laughed out loud as she watched the boys fight over why no one took the liberty of filming this moment.

-----------------

That night, Seohyun was pacing in the park near San's house, wondering how she should make things right. A simple 'sorry' wouldn't suffice. She wished she could touch him, hug him. Maybe that would have put more depth to the apology.

She was out of options. And as she was muttering to herself about how much of a bitch she had been, San came walking in, stopping abruptly when he saw her still pacing and cursing. She hadn't noticed yet. So he shook slightly with laughter as he heard her rather colourful vocabulary.

Seohyun sighed, looking up, and finally saw San, her heart sinking to her feet. "Gosh, you gave me a scare," she put a hand to her heart as she breathed.

"It's not like you can die of a heart attack now," San said.

Seohyun paused, narrowing her eyes at him. "Excuse me?"

San shrugged, but lost his demeanor as he finally laughed. "Oh how the tables have turned!" Seohyun gasped, kicking a pebble at him, glad when it struck his leg and he winced.

She gave him a long look. "Are you okay?"

"I am," San said, motioning to the swings and they took one. As they bobbed lightly, Seohyun finally took a deep breath and said, "I am sorry, San."

"For what?" he asked, looking at her.

"For everything," Seohyun said. "I've been a terrible friend."

"No you're not," he smiled. "I just wish you'd give yourself more credit. You don't have to apologize to me. You should be apologizing to yourself."

"Damn, that's poetic," Seohyun said and she could've sworn she heard San mutter 'insufferable', but he still laughed. "Alright. I'll give myself more credit. I won't make death jokes again too."

"Now what would Seohyun be without her death jokes?"

"That is a very valid point," Seohyun smiled. "Alright, I'll just... be a better person. You know."

It seemed like San was enjoying her struggle to find words. "I know what?"

Seohyun's jaw tensed. "Be glad I can't hit you, San."

San smirked.

That cocky little-

Seohyun got up, searching for something to throw at San, who just laughed loudly as he ran away from her.

---------

Days passed. Weeks passed.

A month passed- yet Seohyun was not awake.

Every morning, Seohyun awoke at the hospital, no matter where she slept. She had made the warehouse her home now, since going back to her house was just a reminder that she was not alive, but not dead either.

She wasn't sure how she felt about this situation. The first few days, everyone had been super sensitive about what they said in front of her. But now, everyone was busy with school too. So Seonghwa advised her to attend school too, to not get behind her studies. But Seohyun said that technically, she was still in hospital which meant she could skip school now.

It took her one day without them, bored out of her mind, and she decided that yes, she would go to school too.

So everyday, she sat in her seat, not really paying attention to the lectures but still feeling like she was a part of this world. A part of the living.

And she'd help a lot of ghosts too. Ghosts didn't find her like they did when she was alive, but occasionally she'd stumble upon a lost ghost and help them out, saying she was 'experienced' in helping the fellow-dead.

She was out helping a ghost, a little girl barely 7 years old. She missed her mom and was still hanging on because she had to give her mom a gift, she had promised to. Seohyun's heart went out for the little girl, and she decided to help her.

Seohyun took the girl to her own house, and the little girl went 'wow' when she realized she could touch things now. So Seohyun gave her a nice page and colour pencils while the girl made a drawing. The gift to her mom.

Seohyun hadn't been home in quite a while now. She walked around her room, memories of San and Jiwoo coming to her mind. She smiled as she took the painting of Jiwoo in her hands.

"I'm done!" The girl said, and Seohyun placed the painting back, going to the desk.

"So your name is Yerim?" She asked and Yerim nodded. She had made a cartoon of herself and her mom, labelling it.

"That is a beautiful drawing, Yerim. I'm sure your mom would love it."

Yerim smiled and Seohyun pinched her cheeks. "Now let's give that to your mom."

Yerim guided her to her home, and they went inside, deciding to hide the painting in Yerim's room so when her mom would come, she'd find it, and think she had already made it before she died.

"Thank you, unnie!" Yerim hugged Seohyun and she marvelled at the feeling. She hadn't touched anyone since she'd been a ghost.

Seohyun picked the girl in her arms. "You're so light!" Yerim laughed and hugged her again. They got out of the house, walking randomly, Yerim still in her arms. The black cat started following them too.

"The cat can see you?" Yerim asked.

"Oh yes. When I was... alive, it was my friend. It's still my friend when I'm ghost."

"That's cool," Yerim said as she waved at the cat.

Seohyun asked, "Now that you have done what you stayed here for, you should go now. There's a better world, where you'll wait for your mom. She'll be there soon."

"Will she?" She asked and Seohyun nodded.

"Can we go to the park over there? I used to come there to play with my mom. It has so many flowers too."

"Of course," Seohyun looked at where she had pointed. The park was full of kids and their parents, playing around. "That's a nice place."

Seohyun dropped Yerim and she asked if she would be able to touch the cat. She squealed in surprise when she could.

"What's the name of this cat?"

"Ah. I haven't named it yet..." Was it Shiber or Byeol?

"You can call it Yerim!"

Seohyun paused. She got the strange urge to stretch her cheek.

"You're very cute, Yerim. I'll call her that," Seohyun smiled.

Yerim nodded, looking at the kids, and Seohyun watched her fade away. Feeling the sudden urge to cry, she shook her head and motioned for the cat to follow her.

After roaming around aimlessly, Seohyun reached the warehouse, finding it utterly dark. Not even the usual light was on.

"Where did everyone go?" She muttered, turning to go out, almost jumping out of her skin when she heard what sounded like a blast.

It was a party popper.

"Happy birthday!"

Seohyun turned to find everyone clapping and holding a cake, the only light in the room from the candles. San was laughing at Seohyun's horrified expressions. She truly had forgotten that it was her birthday. She shook her head, laughing.

"You guys, you're- how did you plan this?"

"It took us days to plan," San admitted, and Wooyoung said, "We had to think of a way you'd be busy today."

"But I was busy today because- no way. No way!" Seohyun looked at San in disbelief and he nodded. "I found her before you did and asked her to keep you busy. She was more than happy to."

"Wow," Seohyun shook her head, pinching her nose bridge but smiling at the effort.

"Blow the candles," Seonghwa said, and Yeosang took to his filming.

Seohyun felt strangely happy as she blew her candles, not bothering to make a wish. Hongjoong turned on the lights and she looked around, noticing the various gifts lying in the corner, and her favourite dishes on the table.

San led them to the table, where she cut the cake and made everyone take a bite from her hands. She couldn't thank them enough; this was the first time she had a surprise- or even a celebration.

"I wish the circumstances were different," Seohyun sighed.

San told them what she said and Yunho answered, "It doesn't feel any different. Only we can't see or hear you, so we have to visualize. Oh, and we get more jump-scares now."

Seohyun laughed, and they dug into the food.

After they all were done, they asked her to unwrap her gifts. So Seohyun grabbed the largest one first, which was from Yunho. It was a school bag, with space for laptop too.

"I noticed yours was kind of worn out," Yunho grinned. Seohyun scribbled on the notebook, saying 'Thank you for noticing! :)'. The others applauded him for the approval.

The next one was from Mingi. It was a beautiful leather band watch, which she loved, saying she wished she could put it on right now, and wondering for a moment that if she did, where would it go when she was back?

Yeosang had gifted her some chocolates from abroad, conveniently his father had been out of country. And since he knew her love for chocolate was one to be appreciated, he decided on it. Seohyun almost cried when she spotted her favourite ones.

"I do have another gift, but you'll have to wait for it," he admitted. Seohyun narrowed her eyes, scribbling 'It better be worth it' and moving on to the next.

Jongho had given her a scented set; shampoo, lotion and candle. Hongjoong got her a cap and sunglasses, rather stylish, and Seohyun had to admit she was impressed by his choice. Seonghwa had gifted her a black cat plushie- very, very similar to Yerim the cat. Seohyun admitted it might be her favourite gift. Wooyoung had gifted her a set of earrings, and she appreciated that it was just her taste. And San got her a couple ring, making everyone including herself gasp when they saw it.

"I didn't know what to get..." San scratched the back of his neck.

"No, I love it. It's so pretty!" It was just her style; a silver band with a tiny diamond in the center. Seohyun tried it on, showing it to San excitedly who laughed, approving. He wore his own too.

"Aw, this is so sweet. Except it looks like San proposed to himself," Wooyoung said, earning a smack from Seonghwa.

Seohyun took it off, handing it to San. "I'll wear it when I'm back."

"You wanna go for a walk?" San asked, and she nodded, getting up and asking him to convey her thanks to everyone, that they should keep this stuff here and she'll properly receive them and thank them when she was back.

After everyone said goodbye, San and Seohyun started walking aimlessly around, San telling her how it had taken them a whole week to plan, which included panicking over gifts too. Since it was their first time with Seohyun, it was more difficult to decide on what she'd like.

"I would have loved anything you gave me, even if it was stupid. I appreciate the gesture more."

"I know," San smiled at her. Seohyun was looking at him with a smile on her face, taking in the details on his pretty face, that she didn't notice a bike rushing and on its way to hit her.

Of course she wouldn't get hit, but out of impulse, San grabbed her by the arm and dragged her to the side, "Even if you're a ghost, you should be careful-"

"How- how did you did you just touch me?"

San looked at her, then looked down at his hands, then looked at her again. "Did I?"

Seohyun frowned. Slowly, taking a step towards him, she touched his face, and they sucked in their breath.

She could touch him.

Seohyun laughed in disbelief, touching his face, feeling every angle and curve of it, and San's hands went to grab her hands, marvelling at the touch. He hugged her, not quite believing it until he could feel her arms around her.

Seohyun broke the hug, joining their foreheads, for a moment forgetting everything else as she kissed him. God, it had been too long. They kissed each other in a frenzy, until San felt like someone dumped water on him and he broke apart.

"How did this happen?"

"I don't know," Seohyun breathed, "I don't know, I-"

Seohyun fell to the ground, clenching her head in her hands as she cried out in pain.

"What's happening?" San asked, panic lacing his voice, and Seohyun muttered that she did not know.

"I think I'm dying," Seohyun said, wincing because of the sharp pain, "Or something's happening. I'm being pulled back. San- I'm scared."

San was sitting down with her now, holding her in her arms, caressing her head, "It's gonna be alright," he said, pressing a kiss to her head, "It's gonna be alright."

He didn't know how long he stayed there comforting her as she breathed and faded. And he did not know how long he stared at the empty space in front of him, where Seohyun had just been.

-----------------

It was utter chaos at the hospital- the doctors and the nurses were rushing around, everyone was borderline panicking. Seohyun was going into shock- her mother was crying hysterically as she watched the doctors go around her in a frenzy. A nurse told her to pray- she would either make it or pass away.

Her mother watched her heart beat flatline and the doctors resuscitate her. Her mother almost fainted as she watched the monitors- she was having flashbacks from the time her husband had passed away. Her friend Yuri came rushing in, leading her outside, rubbing her back and telling her it was better to wait and pray instead of watch what was going on.

Meanwhile, San, who had been staring at the empty space in front of him, where Seohyun had just been, slapped himself to reality and called Hongjoong, quickly telling him what had happened as he rushed through the streets, trying to find a taxi. The boys joined him, their faces pale, and they ran to the main street until they found taxis and drove to the hospital, not being able to calm their loudly thumping hearts.

As soon as they reached the hospital, they looked at each other once, nodding, scared for what they would get to hear. Most of them were trembling now- but they followed each other to the ICU, where they spotted the doctors coming out of the room.

Yunho spotted Yuri and ran to her, "How's Seohyun? What happened to her?"

Yuri narrowed her eyes at Yunho, "How did you know...?"

Yunho internally cursed himself before making up an excuse, "I was passing by here when I heard the doctors call the others to Seohyun's room- I called the rest. It wasn't looking good."

Yuri nodded, "She's okay now. She's awake, in fact. Look," Yuri pointed at the door that was slightly open, and Yunho saw her mother smiling through tears, holding Seohyun's hand, who was smiling too.

Yunho sighed in relief, almost falling on his knees. He thanked Yuri and motioned the rest to join him, and the rest knew it was good news with the smile on Yunho's face. They watched the mother and daughter smile and talk to each other, and they hugged each other in relief, their eyes wet.

Seohyun spotted the group of boys outside, waving at them. The boys waved back and they watched her say something to her mother, who nodded, getting up after kissing her forehead and coming out.

"I never thought Seohyun could have so many friends one day," Her mother smiled at them.

"It's good to meet you," Jongho said, and they bowed in greeting.

"You can meet her now- try not to be too loud," she laughed, waving at them.

The boys walked slowly to her room, taking in Seohyun's appearance- there were shadows under her eyes, a few scars on her face and hands, but her smile was the only thing they could see.

"Come here. I missed you all so much!"

Jongho went first, shaking hands with her, the rest coming one by one, holding back from hugging her or ruffling her hair because of the bandages on her head and everywhere else. They were all a little speechless, having seen Seohyun after so long now.

Even San was speechless- he had seen Seohyun everyday, but not like this.

"I thought you'd be happier to see me," Seohyun looked at San.

"I... I am, I just-" San shook his head, looking down as he trembled from trying to hold back his tears, "I really thought... that you were gone."

Seohyun sighed, pursing her lips. "I have given you all a hard time, haven't I?"

They all shook their heads, Mingi and Wooyoung rubbing San's back who was trying his hardest not to cry but ultimately failed. Hongjoong said they'd give them a moment and they left the room.

"San. Come on, look at me. San!"

San sniffed, wiping his eyes before looking at her. Tears formed in her own eyes and she wiped them.

"I'm so sorry, San. I'm so sorry."

"You don't have to be sorry for anything," San leaned forward, taking her hand in his- it had been too long. "Nothing to be sorry about, except scaring the shit out of me."

Seohyun laughed, "I scared the shit out of myself too, not gonna lie."

"I can't believe you're real," San admitted, bringing her hand to his face, reveling the feeling of her touch, "I am awake, am I not?"

Seohyun slapped his face lightly with her other hand. "Very much awake."

San took his sweet time not saying anything, just looking at her face, his lips on her hand.

"Say something, San. You're being weird."

San shook his head, kissing her hand. "I am never leaving you, ever. Get that in your head. No amount of death jokes are going to scare me away. You're stuck with me now until I die."

Seohyun flushed at the sudden confession. "Are you sure? I can make horrible jokes."

"As sure as I will ever be."

Seohyun smiled until she was laughing, tears running down her face. "God, I love you, San. I'm not leaving you too. Even if you're angry with me, disappointed in me, or whatever, I'll keep bugging you."

"Good to hear," San grinned.

"Come here," Seohyun motioned, and San asked her if it was okay. Seohyun just grabbed his collar and gave him a light peck on his lips.

"I can't hug you right now, but I can do this."

San smiled, returning the favour. They both stared at each other, smiling.

"Now that is a creepy sight I wish I will never see again. Tell me you got that on camera, Wooyoung."

"Right on," Wooyoung replied to Hongjoong, and Seohyun tried throwing her pillow at them, groaning in pain when she turned too harshly. San told her to calm down, throwing the pillow himself.

"It's our turn now, you've been seeing her for months now!" Yeosang shouted, and Seohyun laughed as she watched them push San out of the way, making him sit in the corner and pout while they sat in front of her, taking turns to talk to her.

"How did it feel while you were a ghost?" Wooyoung asked.

"Like I was alive, but not real?"

"Did it hurt when you became a ghost, or when you went back?" Seonghwa asked.

"When I went back, yes, I felt like my head was about to burst-"

"Can you still see ghosts now?" Mingi asked.

"I don't know yet-"

"Let her rest!" Hongjoong clapped once, "We'll have plenty of time to catch up when she comes home."

Seohyun pouted and Hongjoong patted her shoulder, "Glad you're back, Seohyun."

Seohyun smiled, wriggling her brows at him and they all waved at her before leaving, San coming to kiss her hand once before leaving. Seohyun sighed- he was being so soft.

Her mother came in, trying to stifle her smile but failing. "You have many friends now, it seems."

"I do," Seohyun nodded, smiling back, "I have a boyfriend too."

Her mother raised one eyebrow, putting her hands on her hips. "Lee Seohyun! Why didn't you tell me earlier? Which one was he?"

"The one who left last, San."

"Oh," her mother gave her a thumbs up, "How did it happen?"

Seohyun told her to sit because it was a long story, and then told her all about how she had met San, how he was able to see ghosts now too, because of her, and how they, at one point, started liking each other.

"Were you a ghost when you were in a coma?"

Seohyun bit her lip, nodding.

"And these friends knew?"

"They did. San could see me, but he couldn't touch me. At least not until tonight, just before it happened."

Her mother sighed, leaning back. "Is there a reason none of them, and not even you, bothered to tell me that you were a ghost?"

"I wanted to- I slept every night and woke up here, with you. I heard you talk to me. I couldn't break your heart, mom. Not when I wasn't sure if I was going to make it."

"I understand," She nodded, earnest, "How did this even happen?"

"It was an old ghost- a vengeful one. Apparently when you kill a 'mediator'- that's what they call me, there are a few moments before the mediator thing passes to another person. During those moments, ghosts can trespass and interact with humans and whatnot. At least that's what that bitch told me-"

"Language-"

"I'm talking about the ghost who tried to kill me."

"Oh, that bitch, go on."

"So apparently ghosts can't kill the mediators. So she tried doing it to me indirectly, which ended up killing her."

"Good riddance! But I hope you will have stopped seeing ghosts now. I don't want you to get in more trouble," her mother's eyes were full of worry.

"I don't think that happened, but at least nobody will try to kill me now."

The mother and daughter sat thinking for a few moments. Finally, her mother spoke, "You're getting discharged in three days. If you want to take a break from school, if you want to go on a trip, I can do that-"

"Thank you, mom," Seohyun smiled, "I just want to live like I had been living. Normally. We can go somewhere during the New Year holidays if you're free- otherwise, I just want to go to school, spend time with the boys, do normal stuff."

"I took extra days off," her mother nodded, "We can go visit your grandparents in the countryside."

"Sure! I haven't seen them in forever."

"You can go with the boys somewhere if you want to before New Year. I won't be home for Christmas- I have business in Japan. But if you want me home for Christmas-"

"Please, it's really okay, mom," Seohyun nodded furiously, "I won't be alone this time. Just promise you'll be home for New Year."

"I promise," she smiled.

"Done. I'll plan something with the boys."

Three days later, Seohyun was finally discharged, the bandages off her and she felt light. Seohyun took a look in the mirror when she got home- the wounds on her face would fade with time. She was alive, and that was all that mattered.

The boys had paid a visit every night, and it was time for her to return the favour. Seohyun decided she would buy something for them each- a Christmas gift, a gift because she woke up. She told them all to be there at night while she went shopping.

Two hours later, several shopping bags in her hands, she stood outside the warehouse. The air felt incredibly different now that she was alive.

Seohyun closed her eyes, relishing the feel of the wind on her skin, blowing the hair away from her face.

"Home."

------------------

"Hi guys!" Seohyun stood awkwardly, waving the bags in her hands. The boys all turned, hooting as they rushed towards her, and for a moment, Seohyun almost had a heart attack.

"STOP!" She shouted, and they stopped in their tracks, realizing their mistake. "One at a time, okay? Go back and sit."

They obeyed, muttering things under their breath and San approached her, taking some of the bags away from her.

"Can I hug you first?"

"Not fair!" Wooyoung shouted.

Seohyun laughed while San glared at Wooyoung, "We'll have plenty of time later, but here," She gave him a brief hug, sighing into it. It was the first time she was going to hug everyone after the accident.

She had been discharged from the hospital the next night, after the doctors made sure everything was okay. The bandages were off now, mostly. Some scars remained- one running down her temple as well. She had been home the past days, not being able to meet anyone, taking her time to get her energy back, only going out shopping with her mom.

"Alright," Seohyun placed the bags in front of the table where everyone sat, "This is going to be a random pick. I got you all gifts for Christmas, so I'm going to pick a bag. Here-" Seohyun picked one, "Yeosang!"

Yeosang got up haughtily, flipping his hair, motioning at them to applaud and they did, faces grumpy as he approached Seohyun and hugged her, almost picking her up in the air.

"Don't crush me!" Seohyun laughed, and Yeosang finally broke the hug, patting her head.

"We didn't get you anything for Christmas yet."

"You don't need to, you got me enough for the birthday-"

"We'll just give you food then," Jongho suggested.

"Deal," Seohyun winked at him, handing Yeosang the bag. "Open it."

Yeosang looked at her pointedly, opening the box to reveal a small flying drone. Yeosang gasped in surprise and Seohyun looked proud.

"I may have noticed you doodling drones in your notebook."

Yeosang laughed and thanked her, saying she knew him well. Seohyun picked the next bag.

"Seonghwa!"

Seonghwa pumped a fist in the air as he ran to Seohyun, hugging her.

"You hug like my mom does," Seohyun muttered.

"Glad you're back," he said, kissing her temple before he broke the hug. He opened the gift to reveal a set of-

"Hey, how did you know to get me these!" Seonghwa looked at Seohyun in surprise while the others tried to peek at what Seonghwa was holding, who took the boxes out to reveal action figurines. Seohyun smiled as she watched the rest laugh in approval.

"When you guys crashed my first date and took me shopping, I may have noticed you eyeing these in the shop- I don't know what category they are- I just memorized one of the toys of that set and went there and found it, to my relief."

"You're very observant," Seonghwa eyed her and she curtsied, earning another thanks.

"Can I come next?" Jongho said, pointing at the giant bear wrapped messily lying in the corner, "It's a bit too obvious now to pretend I don't see it."

Seohyun bit her lip, trying not to laugh, "Please do."

Jongho smiled, skipping to Seohyun, hugging her such that she was dangling in the air, arms flapping wildly at the side, and then the two skipped to where the bear was- it was about Seohyun's size. Jongho tore the wrappers and laughed-

"You really had to?"

Seohyun smiled at the apple necklace the bear wore- it was a special touch she added to Jongho's gift. "I mean, I could have gifted you a crate of apples-"

Yeosang laughed out loud, causing the others to laugh as well, "The apples wouldn't have lasted a day."

"It's not that bad!" Jongho sulked, dragging the bear to the couch and hugging it, pouting. Seohyun shook her head at him, picking the next bag.

"Yunho!"

Yunho hooted in victory, pausing in front of Seohyun for a second before spreading his arms, and Seohyun gladly hugged him, laughing because she barely reached his shoulders.

"Glad you're back, you dwarf."

"Thanks, you giant puppy," Seohyun shook her head, breaking the hug and handing him the bag. Yunho eyed her before fishing out a long box, unwrapping it.

Seohyun watched as his mouth opened in surprise, and he looked at Seohyun, then back at the boys, then back at her.

"What is it?" Wooyoung asked, "Don't make me get up now-"

"How did you get your hands on this!" Yunho laughed out loud, taking out a wand from the box, "This is Harry's wand, right?"

"Harry's wand!" Mingi wowed, and Hongjoong shook his head, "Isn't this too much! When did you get the time!"

"Actually, this wasn't a Christmas gift," Seohyun admitted, and Yunho looked at her in surprise, "You remember when we talked about Harry Potter all day in school when I was... alive? Before becoming a ghost, I mean-"

"I do," Yunho shook his head, "You're still alive, you know."

Seohyun waved a hand in dismissal, "Anyways, one of mom's friends was in UK, and I had asked her to get me a wand from there, so I asked to bring another."

"I don't know- isn't this too much?" Yunho looked at her hesitantly, and Seohyun rolled her eyes, looking at San who was laughing silently.

"Shut up. Next!" Seohyun announced, ignoring Yunho and picking another bag. "Hongjoong!"

"When is my turn!" Wooyoung wailed loudly, Mingi joining, and Seohyun watched as the two started playing rock papers scissors to bet on who would be next.

"How did you even bring all these here," Hongjoong asked as he hugged her, long and good, "Wasn't it too much trouble?"

"It's okay," Seohyun rubbed his back before they broke apart, and Seohyun handed him the bag. "Here."

Hongjoong looked at her pointedly, "This looks the smallest."

"I can assure you, it was the most expensive-"

"Hey!" Hongjoong laughed, "I'm not opening this."

"Stop being so dramatic, we're waiting!" Wooyoung shouted, Mingi doubling over with laughter.

"I'll do the honours," Seohyun picked the box and tore the wrapper apart. "I had to."

Hongjoong almost dropped the box as he held it- it was headphones- but high quality ones- ones he wish he could have to make him hear the sound betters when he composed in his laptop. "Seohyun-"

"Don't-"

"How can I accept this!"

"You know I could get you better things- my mom's loaded. She was all too glad when I told her that you were the guys I was buying gifts for. Please, Hongjoong, it's not much."

Hongjoong shook his head, "I know it's not much to you, but to us, it is. I'd appreciate it if you don't spend money like that again-"

"Shut up," Seohyun shook her head, "It's my first time getting someone gifts. First time getting someone something meaningful, first time I actually put thought into all of this. First time I was excited. Please," Seohyun wrapped his hands in hers, "Accept it."

"You're gonna make me cry now," Hongjoong laughed, bringing her in for another hug. "Thank you. I won't forget this."

"Thank you for accepting," Seohyun laughed, and Hongjoong went back, flaunting his headphones as he examined them.

"Okay, Mingi, you're next."

Mingi almost fell as he got up in victory, waving his butt at Wooyoung and earning a smack, skipping as he came to Seohyun and hugged her dramatically, picking her and actually making her scream-

"Drop me, you giant!" Seohyun slapped his arms repeatedly, and he finally dropped her, pretending she had hit her too hard. Seohyun slapped his arm again, finally smiling.

Mingi went to where his bag was- finding two boxes- his recent two favourite anime's action figurines.

"You remembered!"

"I also got you the recent volumes!" Seohyun fished out another bag from under the table and Mingi wowed, checking as if he couldn't believe it.

"You have good memory! When did I tell you which volumes I had?"

"Some time in school?" Seohyun smiled, "I didn't know what else to get you- I already gave you the drums, I could have waited till Christmas I guess-"

"Oh come on, they're yours-"

"They're yours now," Seohyun announced, and Yunho started clapping, "I mean, I'm a co-owner. Deal?"

"Deal," Mingi ruffled her hair, thanking her.

"Finally now, it's my time!" Wooyoung came singing, almost running to Seohyun as he crashed into her, spinning her and kissing her forehead, "I cannot tell you how happy I am that you are alive!"

"Even if I was dead," Seohyun began, "I feel like I wouldn't have been able to move on because of you-"

"Hush, now," Wooyoung shook his head, laughing. "Hey, mine is the lightest! Hongjoong!"

Hongjoong was too absorbed in his headphones to respond and San finally got up, telling Wooyoung to hurry up so they could have 'alone time'. Wooyoung unwrapped his gift-

"BTS' ALBUM!"

Seohyun flinched at how loud he was and San came to cover her ears as Wooyoung shouted in surprise and amazement, thanking Seohyun to which she nodded, still flinching as he ran around flaunting the album.

"You brought this upon yourself," San laughed, and Seohyun smiled as Wooyoung crushed her in another hug, thanking her again and again.

"You want me to take it back!"

"NO!"

"THEN SHUT UP!" Seohyun shouted as loudly as Wooyoung who only grinned.

"I knew there was something about you that I just had to make you friend-"

"Anddd that's enough," San slapped the back of Wooyoung's head, "Let's go to dinner after an hour, guys. Meanwhile, I'm stealing her."

With that, San put his arm on Seohyun's back, guiding her out as the boys 'ooh-ed', making her flush. Seohyun couldn't help but smile as San led her out of the warehouse, taking her at the backside where the boys had set up a small place with a tent and couches for when the weather was nice and they wanted to sit out.

"I wish we could go somewhere else, but I don't want to waste this hour," San said, leading her to the couches, pausing to look at her, his hands hesitant as he touched her face, "How have you been?"

"Oh please, it's not like we didn't call at nights the past two days- I'm fine, really."

San touched the scar at her temple, kissing it, making her flush deeper, "I'm glad to hear that."

Seohyun pushed San's chest, "You're being too... mushy."

"Mushy?" San raised an eyebrow, laughing as they sat on the couch, facing each other.

"You're sometimes too romantic for me to handle, you know that?" Seohyun folded her arms.

"I haven't even begun-"

"Exactly what I mean!" Seohyun shook her head, and San laughed, scooting closer.

"Tell me you missed me. Tell me you missed... us."

Seohyun bit her lip, scanning his face- the moonlight making his cheekbones appear sharper, his eyes dark.

"Can't say I didn't," Seohyun sighed, "Let me hug you first."

San brought her closer and she wrapped her arms around him, almost in his lap, her head resting on his chest as she sighed, melting in the embrace. "I definitely missed this. I could sleep right here-"

"Don't you think about sleeping now."

Seohyun smiled, burying her nose in his neck, inhaling the scent of him- it felt like nostalgia, like home. "I never thought I'd appreciate hugs one day- not being in contact for these two months really put me in my place."

San broke the hug, looking at her face, "I could tell. You got Jongho that bear- you know he doesn't really like skin-ship but watch him cling to that bear for the rest of his life. I realized then."

"You're right, I'm surprised you noticed," Seohyun admitted, "He and I are alike in that. I knew he'd love it. Oh, and also, I got you something, but it's not here yet."

"What did you get me?"

"Don't be too surprised when it comes," Seohyun grinned, "I wasn't too sure- yours was the hardest to think of, but it just happened-"

"Please, I'm curious now," San pouted, whining. "I won't be able to stop thinking now that you reminded me-"

Seohyun kissed him to shut him up, breaking apart to look at his reaction- satisfied to see his eyes wide in surprise and then narrow in challenge.

"I guess I could use a distraction. We do have an hour."

Seohyun laughed, kissing him properly this time, taking it slow- it was the first time they were properly kissing since she was back. San held her face delicately, letting her set the pace. Seohyun's hands were more urgent, running through his soft hair, caressing his face, his neck, roaming around his back and chest as they kissed lazily.

"Don't hold me like I'm gonna break, Choi San."

It was all San needed to hear- he kissed her with a force that got her arching back until her back hit the couch itself, and San broke apart to caress her face and draw her hair back.

"I love you, Seohyun. Merry Christmas."

"And I love you, you mountain," Seohyun smiled, "Now kiss me."

The rest of the hour went by as they kissed, murmured sweet nothings as they sat in each other's embrace, or just watched each other, hands caressing hands. The hour went by slow yet it felt like a flash once it was over and they were interrupted with Wooyoung shouting at them to come inside already.

Holding each other's hands, they went inside and sat with the boys to plan where to go for dinner. Yunho looked at the two and burst out laughing, Mingi joining him.

One by one, they all started laughing, leaving San and Seohyun who stared at them. Even Hongjoong and Seonghwa- the serious ones were laughing.

"Did you two only make out during that one hour?" Yeosang shook his head, "Look at how disheveled you both are."

San and Seohyun immediately looked down, but their clothes were straight, and their hair wasn't messed up-

It was only when all of them burst out laughing that the two realized this was a trick- and San covered his face as he laughed while Seohyun gaped at them, getting up in search of something- grabbing a small cushion and running forward to hit them-

"It was Yunho's idea, don't hit me!" Mingi wailed.

"You're still an accomplice," Seohyun laughed as she ran at all of them, hitting them once on their heads to 'get their brains to kick start'. "So what if we only made out? I'll ask you all when you finally have partners, you loners!"

-------------------

It was the first dinner Seohyun had with the boys since coming back to her normal life.

And it was chaotic, to say the least.

People had mistaken them for being a bunch of drunks one too many times, the way they were hollering with laughter and talking about ghosts as loudly as they could. But everything was okay- Seohyun hadn't felt happier in a while.

After a very lavish dinner, they all walked around the town, making fun of each other and playing, and before Seohyun could decide to leave for her home and bid everyone goodnight, Yeosang told her they had one last surprise for her at the warehouse before she went home.

"And why couldn't I get this surprise when we were back at the warehouse just a few hours ago?"

"You'll know why," Jongho teased, "Just come."

Seohyun rolled her eyes, secretly anticipating just what they had in store for her, and followed them to the warehouse.

"We'll be right back- stay here," Wooyoung said, dragging Jongho and Yeosang with him while the rest stood outside, waiting.

"Can I have a hint?" Seohyun folded her arms.

"Uh, nope." Hongjoong was firm.

"Is it something about a musical performance or a dance performance-"

"Can you calm down and wait?" Seonghwa laughed.

"Is this going to be a prank?" Seohyun raised her eyebrow.

"If it was a prank I would have been inside with them," Mingi raised his hand and Seohyun narrowed her eyes at him.

"Me too!" Yunho grinned, and Mingi and Yunho shared a look which set Seohyun pacing due to nervousness.

"Calm down," San laughed, his eyes full of adoration, "You'll love it. It's all I am allowed to say."

Seohyun pouted, eyeing the warehouse, not hearing anything at all. Another minute passed by which Seohyun had scratched near her fingernails out of nervousness when Wooyoung peeked out, giving a thumb up.

"Finally," Seohyun exhaled, and San took her hand in his as they walked inside.

They were greeted by the Siamese cat that Seohyun had gifted San, who finally named her Byeol. Yerim was their stray cat and Byeol was their pet cat, who loved staying inside the warehouse- her home.

Seohyun looked around. Everything was the same, except there was a projector now set up in front of the couches. "Are we watching a movie?"

"A short movie, you could say," Jongho took her other hand, leading her to the couch and making her sit in the middle, San sitting on one side and Yeosang on the other, and Wooyoung made sure everyone was sitting in front of the screen before he put the lights out, grinning as he sat on the floor mat in front of Seohyun. Seohyun playfully kicked his back, earning a slap to the leg.

"Okay, I'm starting it."

Yeosang clicked a button and there was static for a few seconds before music started to play- music she realized was from one of the samples she'd heard from Hongjoong. She raised her brow at him, and he just winked.

Seohyun went back to watching the screen, which went black and then a video clip started playing- she frowned as she realized where it was from- school.

"Hi," Wooyoung said, "I made a new friend today, but she's kind of scary so I don't know when I'll be able to get a proper vlog with her- ow!"

Seohyun smacked Wooyoung's head. The teacher was about to come in. Wooyoung hid the camera and Seohyun said, "I owe you one."

"You owe me nothing-"

"Should I tell the teacher what exactly you were doing?"

"Boomer," Wooyoung muttered.

Seohyun laughed out loud, "I never heard you call me a boomer!" She smacked the back of Wooyoung's head again, and he laughed out loud.

"This is exactly why you didn't hear me!" Wooyoung laughed, rubbing his head.

The clip changed and Seohyun recognized the scene again-

"I win," Yeosang smirked.

"Next game, come on."

Seohyun drew another blank page and the two restarted another game of tic tac toe. This time, Seohyun went first and she won. Seohyun put a line on her tally count.

"This will go on forever," Yunho, who was watching them, said, "Whenever Seohyun goes first, she wins. Whenever Yeosang goes first, he wins. You both have this figured out- why don't you just shake hands and accept the draw?"

"No."

Yunho laughed as the both had glared at him and said no in unison, flipping the page and starting another game. Mingi, who was filming, turned the camera to himself and shook his head.

"They're never gonna stop."

"We did stop," Yeosang laughed, "Only because the teacher came."

"So who won?" San asked.

Seohyun sighed, smiling, "We shook hands and accepted draw."

The scene changed again, and it was from when Seohyun had first seen the warehouse and revealed that she knew how to play the piano- apparently Jongho had caught her playing the melody that she remembered from Hongjoong. It followed by the clips of the truth and dare game they had that night- the one when Seohyun finally told the boys that she could see ghosts. Everyone had a good laugh over it and Seohyun felt nostalgic as she watched Hongjoong's Billie Jeans imitation and Yunho's golden retriever. Seohyun had stopped them from filming the ghost evidence back then.

The clips that followed were all... ghost evidence. The boys used to play games with Jiwoo- like cards, tic tac toe, or such games, and Seohyun watched with her mouth open in disbelief as the amount of 'evidence' clips passed.

"Good thing Jiwoo's not here- if she was, I would have personally seen her out of this realm."

San rubbed her arm, laughing, "You never stopped them from filming."

Seohyun just shook her head, smiling as the clips changed to a compilation of their last day with Jiwoo, of them playing in the water, playing games and just laughing and having a good time. Seohyun felt bittersweet at the memories.

"Now here starts the fun part," Wooyoung winked.

And sure enough, fun it was.

"It appears my definition of fun differs from yours," Seohyun flushed as she saw a compilation of clips of San and Seohyun being the most obvious couple- looking at each other adoringly, holding hands, talking, etc. "I feel exposed."

"This was my idea- to put these in," San admitted, grinning at her flushed self, "I knew you'd like it."

Seohyun rolled her eyes but smiled, and they all watched the various clips from their outings together, until-

"Oh," Seohyun realized why this gift from Yeosang was late.

The drums playing itself, the piano playing itself, food flying in the air, cushions being thrown- all Seohyun as a ghost, and she had to admit the direction of this movie was clever.

"I'm going to wait till the end credits to comment," Seohyun muttered, watching the day of her birthday, smiling because it really looked like they had filmed the whole thing.

Seohyun's grip on San's hand tightened when she saw the clip from the day at the hospital when she finally woke up- the 'creepy sight' Hongjoong had referred to and Wooyoung had filmed- the sight being San and Seohyun staring and smiling at each other, their foreheads joined.

"You really had to add this?" Seohyun kicked Wooyoung's back lightly, making everyone giggle.

"This is like the epilogue of the whole thing," Mingi said.

The video ended with a picture of the 8- which Jiwoo had clicked on the beach. The end credits rolled, crediting everyone except Seohyun- even Jiwoo.

"Come on, I must have made at least one of the videos or pictures there-"

"In case you haven't noticed, you barely use your phone," Yunho retorted, and Seohyun pouted.

"So," Wooyoung turned, "What do you think?"

Seohyun couldn't stop herself from smiling, looking up as she felt her eyes burn, and the boys started chanting "DON'T CRY", making her laugh harder.

"This really is a gift from all of you- the memories, though I think I should thank Yeosang first," Seohyun smiled at him, taking his hand, "Thank you. You didn't have to waste your time on this."

"It wasn't a waste of time," Yeosang shook his head, "I had this idea when you were still... a ghost. So instead of making it bleaky with only ghost memories, I decided to do something like this. Wooyoung helped me a lot too."

"You all make me cry too much," Seohyun wiped the corners of her eyes, "I was never this emotional-"

"Oh please," Seonghwa shook his head, "If we had a clip from every time that you cried-"

"Okay, okay, I get it!" Seohyun laughed, "Thank you, all of you. This, us here right now, is the greatest Christmas gift I could have from anyone of you-"

"Now don't go being all sentimental on us, Seohyun-"

"Ugh, you guys don't let me breathe!" Seohyun glared at Jongho, who was doubling over with Mingi, "I'm saying it again, and you all better not interrupt. I really love you guys. It's been a great few months, despite the bad things that happened. I wouldn't have made it back without you guys. Thank you for everything."

They all smiled, Seohyun taking time to make eye contact with everyone.

"Thank you for sticking with us, I guess," Seonghwa grinned.

Wooyoung nodded. "I know we can be a loud bunch-"

"You don't say," Seohyun muttered.

"See, you interrupt us too when we're all sentimental!" Wooyoung turned to glare at her.

"Hey, who's idea was it to befriend me again?" Seohyun shrugged, "You brought this upon yourself-"

"It was because we thought a girl in our group would so us good! If I had known you talked and sat like a guy-"

Wooyoung shut up when Seohyun kicked his back, harder this time, making everyone howl with laughter at the two of them bickering.

"Hey, she can be girly when she wants to be-"

"You're not helping, San!"

"It's imitation time, Yunho!" Yeosang called his attention and Yunho bowed, getting up and preparing himself to act like Seohyun.

He walked a few feet away, rolling his sleeves up, which already had the boys laughing, stealing Hongjoong's cap so he could complete the 'Seohyun' look.

"So here's how she walks-" Yunho hunched his shoulders a bit, his eyes darting here and there as he walked with light steps- a habit Seohyun had to make as less of a sound while walking as she could.

"It's because I look out for ghosts!" Seohyun folded her arms, slumping back as the boys laughed at the near perfect imitation, almost howling when Yunho slumped in the chair, sighing, legs apart but feet together, arms folded.

"That's perfect," Yeosang managed to say between laughter. Seohyun clenched her jaw, trying not to laugh.

"I feel exposed..."

"But that's how you really are like, baby," San scoffed.

"I could have been like one of those girls who's always walking like a model, sitting like this-" She tried mimicking those formal sitting positions, "And has her lashes fluttering every second, and is always worried about how she looks."

"See, I knew you'd fit in well with us," Wooyoung grinned, and Seohyun threw a pillow at him as San and Wooyoung started to bicker about Seohyun.

Seohyun smiled as she pet the cat that was now in her lap, looking around at the boys, all smiles and laughter, no worries. Yeosang noticed her expressions and raised his brows.

Seohyun smiled.

"This really does feel like home."

--------------------

Thank you for reading and supporting! <3

[priropro]

Parfum Nostalgique Q&A/ Ask me Anything, June 2022

Bonjour, my darlings. I hope you're doing well. I've been working on Parfum quite obsessively, and I realized that I've encountered a bit of a problem...

Well, maybe it's the opposite of a problem.

You know how lots of creative people with big ideas and projects they're enthusiastic about joke around and say they spend more time talking about their projects than actually doing them? I'm the opposite. I spend so much of my time working on this game, that I've never really written any legitimate information on it for people who are curious about the project.

So, I decided to ask my followers what they would like to know the most about Parfum Nostalgique, and answer the questions here.

I tried my best to answer all questions received in a way that reads like a fun little interview. If you asked me a question and you don't see it, it means that the answer was probably lumped into another question! I hope you'll enjoy this behind-the-scenes look at the thing I spend every waking moment on.

Disclaimer: I'm writing this after a day of very bad chronic pain. I am barely lucid. Do not take the way I write this as a reflection of how I write my work!

Q: Who is this game for?

A: This is a LONG one in my head, but I'll try and make it as concise as possible.

I don't think I can just say "cool gay people." Can I say that? I guess I can. But there's a few types of cool gay people I think might resonate with the story more than other cool gay people, and I'd like to address what I mean by that here.

All my characters are what I like to call "trans-ambiguous." This means that none of them have canon, set genders or sexes. If you ask me what Dashiell's gender is, not even I know. If you ask me what genitalia Lupine has, not even I know. I'm trans, and rather than trying to represent a ton of specific gender identities, I prefer for it to simply be understood that many of my characters are implied to be trans, and that you are allowed to assign whatever gender or sex you see fit to them. Gender is the least important part of these characters' development, but a very important part of their aesthetics. Their lack of gender specificity is partially on purpose and partially because I genuinely cannot comprehend how or why i HAVE to decide on a gender and sex for each character.

I'm asexual. My main character is definitely not. He is an unapologetically allosexual vampire dom. Being asexual doesn't mean I don't enjoy sex, it just means that I don't feel sexual attraction to people. There are definitely asexuals who are sex-repulsed entirely, but I feel like that isn't stated enough that sexual activity and sexual attraction can and do exist separately. Depiction of sexual activity for the sake of personal expression and aesthetics rather than attraction are a big part of this visual novel. Val's clients are more interested in using him as a medium to carry out their personal fantasies than they are attracted to him. Asexuality is a very diverse identity, but I'm hoping this recontextualization of sex is one that makes at least a chunk of my asexual readers feel a little more seen.

I also think that this story, whether you're gay or not, will be a smash hit with people exhausted with hiding their emotions, neurodivergencies, trauma, etc. from their friends and loved ones to avoid further pain. People who really want to blow the fuck up and express themselves, but know that it might cause them more harm than good when the people they value the most don't have enough empathy to understand. People who have too many feelings, but no access to an environment conductive to meaningfully addressing them, this is a story for you.

Q: Tell us about your writing process.

A: Hold on, I gotta put my ADHD on the phone:

"Yeah hi, this is Rose's ADHD. When Rose wants to write, she's gotta get through me first. I only allow shit I think is fun to make it through the gates. Anything that felt like a chore to write or render isn't making it into the game. If she doesn't keep thinks fun, fresh, and sexy 24/7 I will pull the fire alarm in her brain. The indoor sprinklers will go off, and her day will be ruined. I know I'm a drama queen for doing this, but it's all part of the plan."

That's pretty much it. I write and i write to my heart's content, but always try and keep things new and fun, because if the story is fun and engaging for me to write, I can run with it without a problem. If it isn't, it's simply not getting done. If this game is a chore, it's not getting done, so I'm simply always making this thing more and more fun for myself so I can keep focusing on it. It's very rewarding, and I highly recommend doing this. Even if you don't have a dopamine deficiency, like I do, imagine the power you can hold if you find fun in everything on a project you love.

Q: Talk about your main sources of inspiration for your characters.

A: Some people know this, some people don't, but my main characters are actually based off of ball jointed dolls I've accumulated since I'm about 12 years old. If you're unfamiliar with BJDs, they are often sold nude, eyeless, wigless, and paintless, with the collector being encouraged to customize their doll to their heart's content. I used these dolls as a physical way to create my own characters, or maybe, the more accurate term is "friends." I didn't have to draw or write these characters and spend a ton of time developing them to experience them and be in their presence, because they were physical "beings" that I could "bond with." I would sit and play games with them on my lap after a hard day, or hug them when I needed to feel loved, or take them out to photograph when I was lonely and bored.

I poured a lot of time and effort into these dolls that I no longer have the energy for, though I know that passion will come back someday. They grew and changed with me as a teenager, as I went through different phases and interests. Each doll has been painted and repainted, wig swapped, and style swapped so many times to keep these characters fresh for me, because I didn't want to lose the bond I had with my dolls.

I have made the conscious decision not to involve my dolls any further in this project because of this. My characters as completely separate entities from the dolls they are based off of, and though in my mind, they may always be linked, they will never be the same people.

I want these characters to be completely given up to the masses, and for people to interpret them in whatever way they see fit. That's something I'm GIDDY with excitement about seeing. I love it when fictional characters exist as much as little guys chilling in our heads as much as they do in the actual works they're in, especially when those two interpretations of the characters work together to make up a well-rounded, fleshed-out, much more real-feeling person. My dolls cannot be part of this experience. They are physical items that belong to me. I can't let them have any part of this.

Many characters look NOTHING like their original dolls, but I consider them to still be "born from" their original dolls in some way, because they would not exist without them. The biggest example I can think of is Saturday, who is a completely different gender, race, and age than the doll I originally based her off of. Saturday's doll is heavily yellowed and damaged from age, and I was having a lot of trouble separating Saturday the doll from Saturday the character, so decided it would just be best to take her name and whatever aspects of her doll's personality I felt would fit a completely new character, who is now only vaguely reminiscent to her in disposition. Saturday the doll and Saturday the character are now almost completely disconnected, with the only thread holding them together being that one would not exist without the other. Doll Saturday simply gave Parfum Saturday a referral.

On the other hand, her boyfriend, Lucian, is accurate to his doll down to the tattoos!

In case you're curious, yes, I did get Lucian when I was about 14, the same time me and my little friends lusted after some random alt guy who worked at the grocery store while we listened to The GazettE and Tokio Hotel. I'm glad that energy made it into his final form!

Many aspects of these character designs at least very vaguely reflect the phase of my life when each doll was acquired. Lupine's "floweriness," along with his love of gardening and tea, started while I was a classical lolita at 16, and I got Val smack in the middle of discovering the joys of Showa 24 manga and Takarazuka at 18.

God, does it show!

For the record, I read Eroica after I conceptualized Val. I can't look at Earl Dorian Red Gloria without thinking of him.

Dashiell's doll is the only one I didn't design myself. He was sent to me for free, when I was 14 years old, by someone who just needed the doll out of their house. Since then, he's had the same wig and paint, because I just didn't want to mess him up. It just felt like him to keep it for all this time. He was originally a very expensive doll, so it was an incredible stroke of luck to get him for free, but I also hear a lot about people giving up their expensive dolls after they learn about how spirits enjoy inhabiting small, hollow humanoid figures and feel that their dolls are possessed. I'm not worried about it now, though. It's already too late, and whatever spirit was inside him has already crawled through my ear and into my brain.

You'll notice in the game, Saturday wears exclusively kimono and yukata, because I started conceptualizing her while studying kitsuke and kimono sewing techniques. Modern kimono is very versatile, practical, and vast. People aren't just wearing the seasonal motifs you see on antique kimono anymore. It's the most fun to make outfits for Saturday because I get to experiment with pattern mixing and color combinations. Here's one of her cute yukatas I made with a watercolor pattern I found on Clip Studio Paint:

I love her so much, I could die.

Q: What's the sound experience going to be like re: music, voices, etc.?

A: I have a big, dumb jazz degree that I refuse not to use, which means that all the music IS being composed by me! I don't have money to pay anyone else, and the sound design I'm looking for is VERY particular, so it's best for me to do it myself. It's nice to make music when I need to keep things fresh. Sometimes, my brain is fried from writing and drawing, and I need to switch it up a bit.

This is the theme for Oberon, a character who wasn't supposed to make it into the main story, but... here we are! Those are his legs! I really hope you'll all enjoy his character. He's a little bit of a freak, so I know he's not going to be for everyone, but his theme and his overall vibe just has the sweetest, sexiest gothic essence...

You can tell from this theme that I've been listening to a lot of Buck-Tick. I made it after listening to Dress, Victims of Love, and Sex For You a few times so I could absorb their energy and infuse it into this song!

Here's another one for you. This plays during some of the more fun, candid scenes of the visual novel.

I've really been enjoying working with synthesizers. I've been channeling my inner Hisashi Imai!

My biggest inspirations right now are Buck-Tick, Miharu Koshi, and my beloved ACO, especially her album "Irony." I listen to it while I'm writing when I need to really, really get into a character's emotions.

As for voice acting, Parfum Nostalgique is only going to be partially voiced, and I mean VERY partially. Voices will only be used for a handful of lines, for scenes that could not otherwise be executed without them, and for things like laughs, scoffs, and screams that would feel half-hearted and wimpy to simply just type out. Originally, I wasn't going to have voice acting at all, but I soon realized that voices would be necessary to fully complete the experience. A casting call will be released once I finish preparing it.

After a lot of thought, I've decided to make the voice acting for this project volunteer-only. There are such small amounts of dialogue for each voice actor to say that I think it would be acceptable, as long as it is clearly specified that this is not a paid project to those auditioning. This game has no budget. I'm a chronically ill person who works as a bridal alterations specialist 3 days a week. I can barely afford my own life. If I don't manage to pull enough volunteers... I'll cross that bridge when I come to it! I don't want anyone to be under the impression that I feel entitled to free voice acting, but... for my own sanity, and my wallet, voices are volunteer-only.

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This is all I have the energy to write, for now. If you think I'm proofreading this thing, you're wrong. It's very late at night and I have not left my windowless bedroom all day because I was paralyzed from the waist down by cramps.

Tune in for more Q&A/ Ask Me Anything posts in the future! I can't wait to share more about this game as I begin my journey into final draft stages.