#Di Feisheng's dao

[the-wintry-mizzenmast]

When a dao isn't just a dao 笛飞声的刀不只是刀

A quick and dirty analysis of Di Feisheng's dao

Following up from my previous post speculating about Di Feisheng's dao 刀, I think the configuration of Di Feisheng's dao is quite clever and consistent with his character, despite looking like nonsense at first glance. I know more taiji and kung-fu 刀 dao forms than I do 劍 jian forms, and this is what I choose to do with my knowledge and time, I guess.

Before I launch into his dao in particular, I think it's important that you understand what a dao is, and how you are supposed to attack and defend with one.

When you say 刀 dao (in English, it's also been called a Chinese saber or broadsword), this is what it's supposed to look like (I've annotated the image below from the Wikipedia entry on dao). They are by definition single-edged, and the majority are slightly curved (though there are some variants such as the Nandao 南刀 which are straight). A dao should have a point, a sharp edge (in red), and a blunt edge (in blue). The blunt edge (short edge, or inner edge, since the thing is curved) is usually quite thick.

One of the main ways that a dao does damage is through slashing/chopping motions, either down, sideways, or upwards (which my sifu always called uppercuts). All upwards slashes with the dao require that you turn your wrist so that the sharp edge, which usually faces down, faces upward instead.

The other way that a dao does damage is via forward thrusts, where the point of the dao is supposed to pierce enemy flesh. The basic attacks I've mentioned above are in the beginning of this clip, and I've added text to the original video below to highlight what's what and what they're supposed to look like.

(n.b. I was just randomly searching for videos to show what I'm trying to describe, no endorsement intended).

One of the things you'll notice from the above video as well is that the master is putting his hand on the blunt edge. This helps stabilize and give more power to the dao through its various motions, and is a basic part of how dao forms are supposed to work.

The blunt edge is also important because it helps in defense. One of the cardinal rules of a dao is that when you are defending, the dao should be kept close to your body, with the blunt edge facing your body. This is what a basic block looks like:

Should you get hit, you can brace the blunt edge of the blade using a shoulder or upper arm. In certain positions you can also use your hand as a brace on the blunt edge to stop (or execute) a particularly strong attack.

These are the dao basics. Now you have enough background to know what makes Di Feisheng's dao so unusual: it is double-edged, and it has a blunt tip.

These two things must follow if you have a dao that has two edges and is blunt at the tip:

You are limited to slash and chop attacks as your main blade damage. Thrust attacks won't penetrate flesh unless you have a serious amount of qi behind it.

Your defense is limited, because you can't use your dao to defend in the usual way.

But wait, does Di Feisheng's dao really have two full edges?

If you're a details guy like me, and completely obsessed over Di Feisheng (guilty as charged), you'll notice that one the edges of his dao doesn't actually extend the full length of the blade:

From the way that light reflects off the edges of his dao, you can see a bit on the short (inner) edge of the dao where the blade seems to transition from sharp to blunt:

And this shot, it's confirmed that there is a short blunt area on the inner edge of his dao:

In this memorable scene, Di Feisheng uses his hand against the very short blunt part of his dao to press his attack into Li Xiangyi's cheek:

One of the upsides of his unusual dao is also that he can use the inner edge for attacking as well. Upward sweeps using the inner edge aren't possible with usual daos (because they are blunt), but are possible with Di Feisheng's dao. I think we see an example of that here in the way you see his arm sweeping upward. (He has also added a substantial amount of qi to this sweeping strike, most of us plebs don't have enough qi to do anything like this.)

You can see how he gains some flexibility to his attacking capabilities, when he flips his blade mid-block into an attack:

While a double-edge gives him more adaptability in terms of attack on along the slashing and chopping edges of his dao, what he is losing out on because of the blunt end is thrust. You almost never see Di Feisheng thrust his dao forward because his sword just doesn't work like that.

In this final scene in the episode one fight when they are charging at each other, Li Xiangyi thrusts the Shaoshi Jian forward, but Di Feisheng, due to the design of the dao, has to slash:

However, most of the power of a dao is in its slashing and chopping motions. This is where the weight of the blade and its curved design (plus gravity and force) result in the most damage. Unlike the jian, the dao's thrusts do less damage. My conclusion about this is that it's a purposeful trade-off that Di Feisheng has made. He would rather maximize his offensive capabilities where they are strongest.

In terms of blocking, the design of Di Feisheng's dao means he's at a defensive disadvantage, since there's no blunt area to brace his body against for blocking (he can use his hand on the bit that is blunt, but because he has an edge along the rest of it, he can't use a shoulder or upper arm). This is a key feature of the standard dao that Di Feisheng's dao is missing.

In this move in the Battle of the Eastern Sea in episode 1, we see Di Feisheng execute a block, but he's got both of his hands along the hilt instead:

At this point, it should be noted that the standard dao is typically a one-handed weapon. The hilt is slightly curved, so you can get a good downwards chop with your wrist. There are other daos that have straight hilts and can be two-handed like the Miaodao 苗刀 (which is more similar to the Japanese katana 刀 than most Chinese folks like to admit). Di Feisheng's dao being straight-hilted and two-handed isn't that unusual because it's a feature that can be present on certain types of dao (it's way less unusual than the two edges!), but I thought it was worth pointing out in case any eagle-eyed readers noticed the difference between the Wikipedia image and what Di Feisheng has.

I could wax on about Di Feisheng's dao and his fighting style forever, but I think this thread has gone on for long enough.

I believe that the design of Di Feisheng's dao is very clever. At first glance, it seems utterly silly (what kind of dao has two edges?), but on deeper inspection of his style and how he uses it, it is consistent with his character.

He is always playing on Hard Mode because he is trading defense for more flexibility in his offense. And he is maximizing his offense where it is strongest (slashes and chops), and choosing to forego the offensive capabilities where it is weaker (thrusts).

...And that really is Di Feisheng's martial arts style in a nutshell, isn't it?

[tiny-breadcrumbs]

The sun, A blue

[where-the-water-flows]

hey no wait. hang on, wait. wenjing is like, explicitly the secret sword, right, the one basically no one knew about, it's part of the reason the court is like 'mmk seems legit' when fang doubing is like ~I am totally for real his disciple~ because he knows about the sword at all

but li xiangyi/lianhua is clearly like. practiced at using the sword, which does not move like basically...any other weapon. that man has spent a fuck lot of time training to and straight up developing how to use a sword that is basically the most unswordlike sword to ever sword. that sword is like a slap bracelet with bladed edges that can also cut through....anything? nearly anything?? it does not move or react like your standard mostly rigid bar of folded metal sword, is the gist here.

which brings me to two, semi-related, points:

when saintess rocks up to steal di feisheng from the zombie cave and also is like 'I'm going to kill you uh actually lol nope fuck that I'm outtie peace bitches', is that literally the first time she's even got a hint that li xiangyi/lianhua has a sword that is basically nigh impossible to block because it can straight up bend around obstacles? (obstacles such as, say, anyone else's sword) if yes, no fucking wonder she's like mmmm I see no thank you I need to go wash my di feisheng's hair, so busy, catch you later because like. how the fuck do you even deal with that. a guy who should have been horribly and messily dead literally a decade ago rocks up and is like 'I lived bitch! also surprise, I have a sword made of glowing Go-Fuck-Yourself metal', like, I too would fucking split! you would only be able to find me by the cartoon dust cloud left in my wake. RIP to everyone else in the jianghu but saintess is making the objectively correct choice here, which is wild because, like. saintess.

how many people's last fucking moment was seeing throat cutter, probably glowing and covered in their blood? because like. Li xiangyi clearly used it! enough to be good at using it. enough to know that it glows blue when there's blood on it, even if he apparently was just like sometimes swords just glow for reasons I guess ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. so. if no one outside of sigu sect high command knows that wenjing exists*, that means everyone else who ever saw that sword -- which there has to have been people, given that li xiangyi was out there uhhh using it -- those people who saw it presumably also uh. died. in a pretty confirmed kinda way. likely via....that sword. throat cutter** indeed

*and not even all of the inner sigu sect command folks knew about li xiangyi having it! they're pretty explicit that five people total know about the sword, which is the four court heads, and then presumably either qiao wanmian or xiao zijin, but not both of them (which, lmao, what the hell were sigu sect internal politics for real), and even that's if we assume shan gudao is not being included in the count because he's "dead"

**yes I know it's a reference to a friendship/relationship you'd cut your throat for per @murderedbyhomework's recent great meta, but also, like. it's still a cut throat, y'know? words can have multiple meanings, and also this is mostly a pun on the name. the rest of the post stands as is tho.

[busarewski]

The Dao of Baking is open!

Celebrate the weekend with some croissants from Di Feisheng’s bakery. They're the best in town if you ask Fang Duobing. Li Lianhua isn't quite sure..

[madamadragon]

Title: DRAMA IN THE DRAMA

Parings: Li Xiangyi | Li Lianhua/ Di Feisheng, Li Xiangyi | Li Lianhua & Fang Duobing

Chapters: 1/1 (for now)

Plot:

"I told you not to touch it!"

"I wasn't touching it, I was examining it"

"It's the same thing, you idiot"

Due to a talisman Li Xiangyi finds himself in a mysterious room surrounded by his friends and five strange people who say they are from the future

Or in alternative

Li Lianhua and Di Feisheng are married, Fang Duobing is having fun, and someone wants to rewatch the series.

[madamadragon]

Well i named my cat CAT so i can relate

Names are important, they say. 😅

[shijiujun]

WHY YOU SHOULD WATCH 莲花楼 MYSTERIOUS LOTUS CASEBOOK

Guess I’m back for another rec, you know I’m there when I get minimum two bromance dudes and historical and OOMPH if you liked The Blood of Youth this might be up your lane!! Slightly similar main character premise but super good, the trope never gets old!!

TL;DR

- Stupid disciple + his (unknowing) shifu - Enemy bros “where is my shixiong’s remains?!” + “defeat me and find out” vibes who have to work together and form their deep friendship and get past misunderstanding and mystery blah blah love it - All-powerful legendary swordsman losing all his powers and becoming a legendary physician - Everything is about dead shixiong we don’t even know how the man looks like - Investigations and jianghu shenanigans, cases!!!  - Uwu puppy dog and good in martial arts disciple and his sickly, ex-legendary and still cool shifu who doesn’t know he’s a shifu LMAO - Yes uwu bromance, especially cuz shifu is DYING and he is WEAK and he gonna spit out blood and faint everywhere as they find cure for him 

-----------

AIRING DEETS

Total episodes: 40

Premiered on: July 23

VIP ends: August 18

Can be watched from iQiyi

Airing schedule: 6 episodes on the first day, 2 episodes everyday after for 6 days, then 8 episodes a week except for the last week, that has 6 episodes with finale

SUMMARY

Ten years ago, Li Xiangyi who was master of Sigu Sect, challenged Di Feisheng, master of the Jinyuan Alliance, to a fight on the seas, where they both end up critically hurt as Li Xiangyi tries to find out where his shixiong’s (Shan Gu Dao) corpse and bones went - his sect was attacked on the same day, and when he returns to the sect, critically injured, he sees some of his deputies blaming him for the attack, and instead of going in, he disappears after that.

Ten years later, Li Xiangyi is now Li Lianhua (Lotus Li LMAO) and he’s an eccentric but skilled doctor who has his eyes on earning money. By chance, he meets Fang Duobing (Fang Many Illness LMAO), a young, aspiring detective who’s super skilled in martial arts, but he’s been unable to enrol in Bai Chuan Yuan (the past Sigu Sect), a sort-of sect that plays an enforcer role in the pugilistic world and helps to solve cases, arrest wrongdoers, and the like. Fang Duobing’s dream is to get in, but as he’s the only son of two powerful people who’ve been refusing to let him be part of Bai Chuan Yuan, he’s failed the test 3 times despite being the most-skilled one there. On his third try, however, he tells the four masters of Bai Chuan Yuan that his shifu is Li Xiangyi, a Li Xiangyi who used to be a part of Bai Chuan Yuan and is still greatly missed by the four masters. They agree to it, but only if FDB solve three cases with arrests.

His first case leads him to meet LXY who’s now known as Li Lianhua, and their meeting doesn’t go off to a great start; FDB is idealistic and a rich, wealthy young master at heart who’s never suffered much hardship, and LLH drugs him after and scolds him for being too trusting of people and being too obvious, going around with two servants. LLH leaves him with parting words, only to meet him again later at the scene of the crime.

They solve cases together from there; LLH is still looking for his shixiong’s body ten years later, and decides to solve cases with FDB as a guise to get closer to the truth, making use of FDB slightly. Later, Di Feisheng recognises him, and the three of them are forced to become allies/friends to uncover a greater conspiracy. The clock is ticking for them as well, as Li Xiangyi was poisoned and injured ten years ago, and was given only ten more years to live. The story begins in the year that he’s meant to die.

*Fang Duobing met Li Xiangyi when he was young and still sickly, and Li Xiangyi encouraged him, and Fang Duobing held onto his every word and suffered a lot to become healthy again and as skilled as he is today, all because Li Xiangyi said those words to him that year ;-;

WHY YOU SHOULD WATCH

(1) Fight scenes are GREAT 

- Water water water

- All female sect?!

(2) Bromance, subtle for now, but greater later I assume - ZENG SHUNXI’S FACE HE SO PUPPY BLURBLUR AND SMILING?! AND CHENG YI SMIRKING?! Like Fang Duobing is just wagging his tail and running after a person he doesn’t know is truly his shifu as he claims LOL

(3) Shifu Li Xiangyi not knowing he was shifu to Fang Duobing

(4) Li Xiangyi being the reason for Fang Duobing to EXIST but Li Xiangyi ain’t around anymore (not) and he sad and Li Xiangyi can’t tell him who he is UWUUUU

(5) Familiar faces hehe if you are a SNGX/The Blood of Youth and SHL fan 

(6) CASES ARE INTERESTING!!!

[qilingxiong]

happy friday! have an isolated piece of my latest brainworm that is qiao wanmian and di feisheng become almost-friends in li xiangyi/li lianhua's absence, getting a little weird with it because no one else in the jianghu watching would let them:

"What do you think he'd say, if he saw us right now?" Qiao Wanmian sighs to the ceiling. Her voice is level; Di Feisheng can't tell if the question stems from nostalgia, or the sheer absurdity of this situation.

He glances over at Qiao Wanmian, laying down with the covers pulled up to her shoulders, dressed modestly in a sleeping robe. Down at himself, reclining on top of the blankets. He's still mostly dressed, only his outermost layer a concession to the late spring night. His boots are stacked neatly at the side of the bed. The lights in the room haven't even been snuffed out; it's still early yet. Chatter and the sounds of other people gathering filter up into the room from the tavern below.

"I think he'd laugh," Di Feisheng finds himself saying, over it, "because he knew since he was seventeen that I don't care for women."

There is a noise from beside him. Di Feisheng nearly jumps, reaches for a dao he didn't bring, didn't need, around Qiao Wanmian. Unfamiliar, the sound is, until he realizes it's an amused snort. Followed by laughter, real laughter, bright but ungraceful in breath. Qiao Wanmian's shoulders shake, and Di Feisheng can only lay still and blink bewilderment at her. He has gathered, from both Li Lianhua and Fang Duobing's complaints, that humour is not a skill he possesses.

She laughs, and laughs, until the sound begins to fray, until it might no longer be laughter at merely his words but something more, and then the laughter cuts off into a single sob.

And then silence.

"Di Feisheng," and there are tears reflecting the lantern light in her eyes, but Qiao Wanmian's voice is warm, "Xiangyi may have been foolish, but I think one would be hard pressed to speak to you and not realize that."

Something tugs at the corner of Di Feisheng's mouth. He realizes it's a smile.

When did someone last dare to joke with him, enough for him to smile?

Cautiously, he sets the smile free, lets it gradually spread, while Qiao Wanmian's gaze remains fixed on the roof beams. Enough unpredictable things have happened tonight. Maybe, just maybe, for the better. What's one more?

"Some people didn't," he says. "Even after years," and for the first time in months, the scars at his wrists, his ankles, do not tug tight and itch at the thought.

[la-muerta]

《也且由他》 Translation

On 14 March 2024, 藤萍 Teng Ping-laoshi (author of Auspicious Pattern Lotus House) and 严艺丹 Yan Yidan-laoshi (music director for Mysterious Lotus Casebook, who also wrote most of the songs for the OST) posted the lyrics for a song that did not make it to recording eventually.

It's clearly written about Di Feisheng and Li Lianhua/Li Xiangyi, and I've translated the lyrics below:

--

"Even In This, I’ll Leave It Up To Him"

I've been on a reckless journey of a thousand miles How many times going back and forth have I asked for directions?  How many people have lost hope in the desolate fog and under the waning moon? Shoulder to shoulder, we have faced many dangers and difficulties

I didn’t understand the wind and the moon [1] even when the city was destroyed  My eyes are heavy as I stared into the darkness of the night I fulfilled my promise to meet you for our battle of life and death  By ending the delusions and obsessions [2] of love and hate Fulfilling our final farewell to each other

Here I am, my dao is weeping blood While you charged ahead alone on the quest for innocence Only on a snowy day in the crumbling ruins will I be able to meet you again I look back, and the road behind is filled with raging wind and biting cold

The path ahead is uncertain again I'm always gazing at the crows circling at sunset [3] Favours owed and resentment grow together Life is more unpredictable than death A thousand piles of snow drowns ten thousand waves [4]

--

Translation notes:

[1] literal translation, but 风月 also means romantic entanglements

[2] 痴嗔; referring to two of the three “poisons” in Buddhist teaching that are the cause of all mortal suffering and obstacles to enlightenment

[3] crows mate for life, at sunset they return to their nests; likely a reference to Yuan Dynasty poem 《天净沙·秋思》 describing the melancholy sound of their cries

[4] the snowfall represents inevitability, and the tides are obstacles in life

Thanks to @kingsandbastardz for sharing the lyrics!

P/S: 14 March is White Day (when guys give their partners reciprocal Valentine's Day presents) so happy V-day to DiHua nation I guess 🥲

(Image from weibo post and transcription of original Chinese text under cut)

《也且由他》 

千里莽征途 几番来回问去路  荒烟残月下几人还凋零了期盼 并肩共度了重重危难 

城破湮灭也不知风月 眼眸沉沉望尽了黑夜  赴君一战生死约  痴嗔爱恨终结 是同奔赴了诀别 

此处有我长刀在啼血 你自去闯清白戒 残垣断壁大雪天才能与你相见 潇潇回首一路凛列

前路又茫茫  总凝望昏鸦夕阳 恩与怨共长 生比死更近于无常 千堆雪淹没万重浪 

[bettercostume]

i think there's a fun possibility here that the princess, furious with fang duobing for running away from their wedding, develops kind of a kiddie revenge crush on his big mysterious companion who appears for all of five minutes to kick ass and toss his beautiful stallion hair. di feisheng is like catnip for horsegirls, is what i'm saying, and miss "i'll wander the jianghu and still retain my pouty insouciance while being LOWKEY SEX SLAVED and then demand all my girlfriends skip jail because ACAB" is absolutely in the demographic of teenagers to fantasize about mr murder over here. him scoffing about wielding his dao and then blasting a tree in half would have had her screaming into her nightgown when she recounted it to her 13 maids. the tenor of her letters to fang duobing change ever so slightly. is the demon leader of the unorthodox death cult really 185 cm? Does he always wear a leather mask? does he have a girlfriend? until fang duobing, who is getting his shit rocked on the daily while they mourn their beloved friend has to be like "he's dead down there because of a hunting accident" and then has to read, with his own eyes, a reply of "he still got hands tho" with the classical chinese equivalent of monkeycoveringeyes.jpg attached

[exitvelocities]

mlc week day 2, "role reversal".

*

the poison hits just as di feisheng is about to strike his victory blow, vision blurred and limbs suddenly leaden. he staggers back from li xiangyi, head shaking in a futile effort to clear it, pain spreading from his veins like icy vines. his breath catches and won't release, lungs struggling to expand.

"di feisheng!" li xiangyi roars over the thunder and lashing rain, and di feisheng parries out of instinct and muscle memory more than anything else, unable to see his opponent so much as sense him. "where is my brother's body?"

"i did not kill li xiangxian," di feisheng says through clenched teeth, giving ground to li xiangyi's furious attack as he attempts to regain his balance.

"that's not what i asked," li xiangyi says into his ear, almost intimate, and di feisheng brings his dao up barely in time to keep li xiangyi's blade from kissing his neck as he's backed into the side of the cabin.

lightning cracks, throwing everything into stark relief, bright enough for di feisheng to see the snarl on li xiangyi's pale face through the dark pall over his vision. di feisheng gives his head another shake, the afterimage of li xiangyi's rage and grief swimming before him. whoever orchestrated this certainly knew the precise place to strike. what reason would di feisheng have to violate a treaty he'd proposed? surely li xiangyi would ask himself that question in any other circumstances.

"why would you," di feisheng says, impulsive and half out of his mind, wrists locked tight. if li xiangyi were to pull back and slash at him now, he's not sure he could block. the wood of the ship is solid and real against his back but everything else is unmoored, spinning wildly with the poison spreading through his body.

"would i what," li xiangyi says sharply, and di feisheng has to pull the rest of the sentence out of himself like he's dragging it.

"why would you use poison," di feisheng says, feeling oddly plaintive. he's not used to being vulnerable in any scenario, but he would never have been able to imagine this one, where he's been betrayed by his one and only admirable opponent. it feels unfair in a way that's almost childish. "i trusted you."

"i trusted you," li xiangyi cries, and di feisheng almost feels the moment the rest of the words catch up with him. the pressure against dao eases off, and di feisheng lets his guard drop, nearly doubled over with pain. beifeng baiyang is fighting back, howling and thrashing inside of him. "you're poisoned," li xiangyi says, and di feisheng makes a sound that could be a laugh.

"you didn't know?"

"no," li xiangyi says, fingers clamping down hard on di feisheng's wrist, "i didn't."

somehow, that makes him feel better.

[the-wintry-mizzenmast]

I've been staring at Di Feisheng's 刀 dao for weeks. It's very unusual for a Chinese dao to be double edged and blunt at the tip, and these features limit the types of attacks (slashes) that do damage and the ones that don't (thrusts). I don't know who (on the preduction team) designed his blade and why, but it makes me wonder if in-world it's supposed to signal that Di Feisheng has chosen it precisely because it makes him fight on Hard Mode all the time.

[howdaretrashships]

Feihua Most Unhinged Moment Tournament: FINAL ROUND

Tournament Masterpost

Propaganda:

Option 1: Di Feisheng writing 'If Found Return to Li Lianhua' on his hand

You've been investigating how everything went so wrong ten years ago. You've determined that someone has been working behind the scenes to drive a wedge between you and your... husband rival ex... rival for their own benefit. The lead you have is the crazy lady that's obsessed with you, but she couldn't have done it herself.

You're this close to finding out who she's working with and being rid of her for good when the guy shows up to save her, stabs you in the side, and poisons you with something you can feel will ruin your lifelong progress in martial arts.

Do you go to your personal bodyguard? No. (Well, maybe you couldn't find him, but still.)

No. You take the time to wrap your dao in rags to disguise it and then you go to the Sigu Sect waterfall and write "Find Li Lianhua' on your hand. It's a note for yourself. Y'know, since you've isolated the poison in such a way that you'll have amnesia.

Ok, note for yourself - check. Then what?

Well then you walk into the river just before you pass out and let it take you downstream.

What's downstream? Well who knows really. Your rival, Li Lianhua, the man previously known as Li Xiangyi? Maybe a blind guy collecting corpses to sell into ghost marriages?

What if someone else finds you first, what then, huh? Better hope they don't recognize you when you don't even know yourself anymore.

But don't worry.

The note on your hand says you belong to Li Lianhua.

Option 2: Toasting the moon with nuptial wine on the 10th anniversary of the Donghai fight

You're here on this mountain for him.

(Well, actually, you were injured and betrayed by an old friend [again] and abducted here. But you were meeting that friend so you could rescue him.)

He was abducted and tortured by a woman that claims to love him. She plans to marry him (even though he's not willing). She's keeping him bound and helpless.

(He stopped you from killing her once. You wonder if he ever regrets that.)

You help him survive a 10% chance of repairing his meridians, and he comes out stronger for it. He says he'll repay you, but you know what the payment will be and you don't want it. (He won't listen. He wants you to live. He wants to fight you again.)

The room you're hiding in is decorated for a wedding (his wedding) and the wine you're drinking is nuptial wine (crossed-cup wine) and he says today is the day. Today, ten years ago, was the last time you crossed blades.

The last fight before you died, that he spent ten years healing from. The fight that broke the truce you negotiated together. The fight that shouldn't have happened - wouldn't have happened - if you had just talked to each other.

If you had trusted each other the way you do now.

And he looks at the moon and says the moon wasn't as bright as it is now. And he smiles.

And you realize it's actually always been this bright, you've always felt this way, you just didn't have the ability to recognize it back then. (His smile is soft as he agrees.)

So you toast to who you were, and who you are; with wedding wine, in a newlywed chamber. (And you don't tell him he won't get another fight.)

[where-the-water-flows]

like on the one hand, obviously di feisheng wouldn't have been at all surprised when the first (second third however many were sent after him to their deaths) di assassin came for him, because he's im/ex-plicitly doing what he's doing (best at sword/founding the alliance etc) to keep himself safe from di fortress, and you don't do that unless there's, y'know, something to keep yourself safe from.

on the other hand. killing other di fortress kids clearly fucked him up! it was not something he wanted to do or enjoyed doing, it was something he was grimly doing because it was that or die, and also under threat of the mind control bug/ringing bell torture. even when he has amnesia, his nightmares feature him begging to know why they have to kill each other.

literally as soon as he physically can, he goes back to di fortress to free the other orphans, and when he's storming the gates, he very clearly uses nonlethal tactics on everyone between him and master Di. He bowls those kids standing guard over, but they show up at the end at the back of the crowd getting freed like everyone else, not really looking that worse for wear considering the second most powerful man in the jianghu just rolled through them.

so. how fucked up you think he was when he had to fight - and presumably kill - another di fortress orphan, after he'd escaped. after he thought he was free of it, after he thought that he was out?

the later ones, sure, it's awful but at that point it's sort of a numb horror of 'never quite free'; the first one, though, after however long of not having to do that, after maybe even convincing himself that he can just bide his time and get strong enough and no one will ever make him do that again, that between his skill and his (in)famous identity and maybe even the fucking alliance he's formed he's almost safe, that he's as free from the fortress as he can possibly be with the bug still in him....

and then he finds himself locked in combat, again, with another kid who knows the feeling of ringing in his bones and who knows that the only way this fight ends is with one of them dead at master Di's command.

(bonus round: how grimly grateful was he to be able to free the ones sent after him, even if it was through death - he at least could make it fast, make it...clean, ish, for a death in combat.

make it almost kind.

how long has he spent his life with that as the shitty back up/consolation plan - if he can't find a way to deal with the bug in him somehow, the knowledge that at least maybe he can get a few of them out from under the control of the fortress, even if it's just via the edge of his dao)

[busarewski]

The Dao of Baking - Chapter 3

We're finally back with Di Feisheng the morning after his encounter with Fang Duobing. He's doing some reminicence of times and pastries past, and bakes some kringlor. And yeah, goes to see a certain doctor...

[bbcphile]

MLC Amnesia Fic (What's Sealed Away)

It was one thing to know what his qi felt like in his meridians–although he didn’t know what his neili was called, only that it had a name–and to know that, if he started running his sword forms, his arms and legs would guide him where his mind couldn’t. Muscle memory felt familiar. Reliable. But this? This free-floating knowledge, not connected with any event, any memory, any movement or motion? Just facts appearing in his mind? Assertions he was supposed to accept unquestioningly as truth? With no memory of how he learned them? Nothing to prove their validity? He clenched his hand around his dao’s scabbard. There had to be a better way than this.

NOTES:

I had a ton of feels about the differences between DFS and a-Fei, different types of memory and what is and isn’t lost in the sheer mindfuckery that is amnesia (very loosely inspired by my own experiences with amnesia), and a desire to explain some of the weird behaviors in the amnesia arc (why a-Fei spends so much time away from everyone else in the Mountains Red arc–-which LLH justifies with a lie about a-Fei sleeping instead, why LLH never tells FDB that it’s dangerous and painful for a-Fei to get his memories back, etc.), and thus this fic was born.

TW/CW: amnesia, body horror (finding the mind control bug), panic attack (to skip the panic attack, stop at “he pressed his shaking hands against the sheets” and start again at “His pulse finally started to slow.”)

Thanks to @momosandlemonsoda for being an amazing beta reader!!

Relationship: Di Feisheng/Li Lianhua (with hints of future difanghua)