#DepressionSucks

[mypurplefantasy-blog]

when will it get better? will it ever? i have wasted enough time in this world. I’d rather die than to continue living this nightmare. If it’s not getting better, i don’t want to be part of it.

[disneyqueen75]

"I'm Only Smiling On The Outside. My Smile Is Just Skin Deep. If You Could See Inside, I've Been Crying! You Might Join Me For A Weep!"

[nic-because-gay]

I Wander & Wonder

Stuck

in my mind

I get the most lost

on the days I didn’t see it coming

Today I was

unprepared

for this journey

I have not shoes on my feet for the sharp stones

nor jacket on my shoulders for the brisk breeze

neither light from my torch for the deep darkness.

I cannot see the truth of now

through the curtains of questions

pulled closed over the windows to

Me

[misakiisstupid]

Just One of Those Days…

You know that feeling where you wake up and just know today is gonna suck? Yeah. That’s me right now. I don’t really feel like doing anything. No motivation, no energy, just a general feeling of ugh. I just wanna stay in bed, sleep for like, a century, and pretend the world doesn’t exist. But I can’t, because, of course, it’s a school day.

I already know my depression is gonna bite me in the ass today. It’s just lurking there, waiting for the perfect moment to make everything feel ten times worse. Love that for me.

Maybe I just need something to cheer me up. A funny meme. A nice comment. A sign from the universe that today won’t be as terrible as it feels right now. I don’t know. I just don’t wanna feel like this all day.

So, yeah. If anyone has anything good, feel free to throw it my way. Or just vibe with me in this no-energy, no-motivation pit of existence. Either works. 😞

[breathenbounce]

SITTING IN DARKNESS

I have said to many people I know and even on the show, that this is the best I have been feeling for a while. It's actually the happiest I have ever been. I have learned how to love myself and the skin I am in, not carry the burden of things that I have done in the past, and just be eternally grateful for the life I have and the opportunities that come with it.

However, anyone who practices knows, we live in a state of impermanence. We say to ourselves our sadness won't be forever; however, some forget that goes the other way as well. Happiness doesn't last forever, as I have hit a depressive block.

Usually what anyone, including me once upon a go, we try to shake off the pain. We try to distract ourselves from it. Maybe we eat an unhealthy but tasty snack or meal. Maybe we go on a crazy shopping spree. Maybe people watch porn. Anything to escape all that pain inside.

In yoga, we're told to sit with the feeling of a pose. Don't shake it off. The mat translates to life. We do one thing, that's how we do everything. This is true when it comes to heavy feelings. One of the things I always talk about on the show is how the bad choice is usually the easiest. All the vices and distractions I listed are very easy things to do and they're the band aid to the bigger problem. So, what is the hard choice?

Like in yoga, we sit with that feeling. We observe how we feel and notice everything. It may not happen right away, but with practice and work we absorb the feeling and then let it go. I know I make it sound really easy, but it's definitely tough. That is why practice is required. Also, patience, and compassion.

The patience needs to be there in order to be mindful about what's happening and understanding that you don't just get to shake it off and its gone. You have to absorb, feel, witness, and then let go. You also need to have compassion for yourself because what you're going through is shitty most likely.

When we learn to sit with the feeling, we develop strength. We learn the art of perseverance and resilience. These are two important skills to master. Both take time to learn, but perhaps you can do other things to deal with your feelings. You can journal what's going on, meaning you are giving the sadness a name. It's like the sadness is your baby and you have to embrace it. Why? Because it's all part of the human experience. We breathe, feel, eat, sleep. It's all part of it. We feel emotions, we dream up thoughts and it is through this we take actions. Either we run and eat the ice cream, or we sit and meditate and observe how we're feeling.

I used to choose option one, but I have been working on option two and it is helping me deal with my brain says and the shitty sad feeling. Nothing comes easy. You have to practice, and practice makes progress. Not always as fast as you'd like, but the progress comes.

It's just remembering always no mood stays that way forever. Life is so precious and impermanent. We just have to ride shit out sometimes, but we must also the victories and the wins. The clock swings left to right. The yin and the yang. One day after the next.

Just try to live the best you can and don't worry. You can talk to someone about depression. If you don't have anyone, call 988. That's what I did this week. I felt better.

And I want to see you all feel better.

Much love; namaste

Michael

[twitchinkittenart]

I’ve gotten rejected by the same con 2 years in a row. Does that mean I’m just not good enough?

[prideful-dragonnephi]

Those times you feel like your not enough and that people around can and will find better. All you really want is things to be quiet in your head.

[brighterrocky]

It's funny

Being depressed after majoring in psychology. I literally could just look at my notes to help myself out.

[misterbrownn]

…. 😔

[mypurplefantasy-blog]

Right now, i am next to someone who i call my fiancée but i have never been this lonely. my heart aches, there is so much pain it endures that tears won’t flow easily. the heart breaks but i am so numb with all this pain and sufferings. why do i attract the wrong people in my life? i really has thought he was the one but the right one can’t hurt you… or do they?…

[btsmom3]

Chilling out @ home today. Doing some laundry. Trying to remember that it will be ok. I will be ok. I try to tell myself I am stronger than I think. My brain 🧠 tends to feel overwhelmed sometimes & for no reason mostly. How do people live w depression for yrs? It's exhausting for me. Sometimes I just lay on my bed & breathe. I hope today will be a good day.

[patiencemwila]

That moment when you've cried so much that your head hurts but you still feel like crying more.

[twitchjhammy]

[poemfactoryonline22]

i dont like how quickly my mood can change. i need him :(

[rainninpain]

[breathenbounce]

My Private Cell

The past few days have been very tough on me. I have thought so many dangerous thoughts for someone with BPD, and I have put my mind in a prison with these thoughts. Once you punch a ticket to Disneyland, its very hard to get out. And no I am not talking about the amusement park, however it does get "goofy" in there.

Over the past three to four days I actively tried to convince myself that no one likes me, this show, or anything I do. I have tried to convince myself I am too much for people. I talk too much, I'm pushy, I'm a roller coaster, etc, etc.

My therapist believes I feel this way because I have been taught all the things by people who are close to me. It really makes me anxious to get close to anyone. I don't want to ruin anyone's life. I don't want to make anything more difficult. I have somewhat isolated myself because I am afraid I will bring destruction to peoples happy little world. I don't want to do that. I am nervous about it all the time.

There are people who I really care about and I try to pull back from talking to them because I don't want to be annoying. I don't want to intrude, impose; force a friendship that doesn't exist. Build relationships that don't matter. All the things.

The next few days I am going to try to get back on the right path to where I need to be. It's a constant exhausting fight to regulate my behaviors and emotions. I have a nice little circle of people where I work out at, and I hope one day they don't get tired of me. It truly is the happiest place on Earth for me right now. I need to get back in there more. I need to get back to the temple and start doing some art or something.

The only things we can do when we are in the shit is plan for a way to get out of it so we can begin our practice again. We spend so much time beginning again that it may feel frustrating and hurt us. We may think we aren't making progress. However, the fight always takes place when you're mentally ill. It's the fight to get to the shallow end of the shitpool so you don't drown on the bullshit.

I reached out to the Polarlines people today and told them how tough things have been the last few days. From missing my family to thinking people who I think highly of not liking me. The sensitivity of things happening can be so unbearable. However, I always tell myself, I will not be here forever. I can fight the battle and can win the war. Just one battle, one breath, one moment, one struggle at a time. Just one day, I will not let my thoughts get the best of me. I keep doing the work, it will pay off one day.

Michael