#Depression alert!1!1!1!!!!1

[thelazyblogz]

David has to stay in his bed all day because he can’t move his legs 👍

[bittercideristaken]

Wait is it a coincidence that my recent obsessive increase in consumption of any and all wlw content corresponds to me fumbling probably the baddest most beautiful kind wonderful mesmerizing girl I've ever met and spoken to romantically like am I drowning myself in toxic yuri in order to cope with the fact that I'm probably not gonna get a happy ending like they usually always do or wheeetttttt 🙄

Anyway pointy objects kaemaki is like euphoria if it were good done right

[circusclownproductions]

seeing a lot of videos that are like “I didn’t know babies couldn’t have water” so here’s an incomplete list of things you need to know before having a baby

- the obvious, they can’t have water bc milk is incredibly high in water already so excess water leads to over hydration

- babies cannot have honey until 1

- if ur breastfeeding your kid and saving excess milk, make sure you label what you pumped in the morning vs at night bc your body produces different melatonin levels throughout the day and giving your baby daytime milk at night can make them more alert and fuck up their sleep schedule

- idk why ppl keep saying this but swaddling your babies or getting them those baby straight jacket things is not abuse. It chills them out cuz it reminds them of the womb

- babies have a dandruff like buildup on their head called cradle cap, and it’s very easy to deal with and remove with just some baby shampoo, a gentle scrub brush (MADE FOR BABIES!!) and a comb. It does need to be removed tho cuz it can be very painful after a while. This can also continue to happen late into toddlerhood it’s normal

- you have to clean out the creases of your baby’s skin and hands and feet they WILL collect dust😭😭

- you cannot bathe your baby until their umbilical cord naturally falls off. Use a warm damp rag until then

- tummy time is actually very important

- your baby might have a misshapen head at first (not all the time but sometimes) this will either sort itself out or they’ll need a corrective helmet ask your doctor

- I wouldn’t recommend having your baby leave the house very much until they’re at least 6 months old, especially if they’re born near cold and flu season cuz the common cold can kill a newborn

- you’re not an awful horrible person for having postpartum depression and it’s always a million times better to let your baby cry a few minutes longer than normal while you regain your composure than to freak out and give ur kid shaken baby syndrome

- you’re not an awful horrible person for giving your baby formula milk either

- don’t put shoes on your baby it’ll compromise their toe box and balance

- babies put every single thing in their mouths

- the easiest way to burp a baby is to hold them straight up (spine straight) and hold their head a bit higher

- always support their head they barely have necks

- if your baby fights away food, fights tummy time, vomits every single time you burp them, is gaining or losing an unreasonable amount of weight at a time, wheezes after eating, or goes red after eating, chances are they’re probably allergic to the type of milk they’re eating (again ask a doctor but these are just some signs it’s not just colic)

- they will wobble a lot when learning to do things but you gotta fight the urge to help them every single time cuz they gotta learn

- they’re not always spitting out baby food cuz they don’t like it they just don’t know how to eat. Like they don’t know how to push food down they only know how to stick their tongue out so be patient

- babies craniums are broken up into three parts at first that later fuse together, this is to help make birthing easier but it results in a small EXTREMELY sensitive spot in the top of their head that has no protection. This puts their brain at a high risk. Always protect their soft spot

- read to your baby!! Get cute bright colorful sensory books with sight words and read them to your baby it makes such a huge difference in their educational growth and will help them acquire a love for reading early on. And talk to them never shut up just say whatever comes to mind all the time this will strengthen their vocabulary growth also.

- babies poop like a lot. A lot. an unreasonable amount. Bring back up clothes and more diapers than you think

- no pillows or stuffies in the crib and only use a muslin blanket unless it’s especially cold to prevent suffocation

- babies kick reflexively until they’re out of their newborn scrunch (they stay womb shaped for a while) and if your baby is crying and pushing at the swaddle try letting them flail around for a minute

- consoling your baby is not spoiling them ! They need comfort and they will learn to self soothe on their own

- singing lullabies actually works, they can recognize your voice a consistent place of comfort from the womb and the cadence of lullabies is literally engineered to create a calm headspace

- for the love of god do not get boring ass beige toys. Colors are important for their neurological development

- babies are very responsive to praise from a young age so be as supportive of them as you can

- babies get constipated a lot and you have to do like tummy massages to help ease their pain the easiest way is to lay them on their backs and hold one foot in each hand, kick their feet like bicycles, scrunch up, and then stretch their legs out

- holding them on your hip too much will not cause bow legged-ness if your baby is bow legged that was always gonna happen

- they drool so so much and you have to get bibs for them so they don’t get chest eczema

- don’t use scented products on their skin cuz their skin is sooo much thinner than ours

- when your baby first starts sitting on their own never walk away from them without setting up a nest of pillows and blankets around them. Even minor head trauma can mess them up sometimes

- this one is kinda morbid and scary but sometimes babies just die out of nowhere and it’s no one’s fault or anything it’s called sudden infantile death syndrome(SIDS) and it’s about 1.3k deaths on average per year in America so not super common but still very real. 90% of these deaths happen during the first four months however edit: apparently it’s bc of an enzyme deficiency which at the very least you can take steps to try and prevent

- smoking and drinking during pregnancy WILL affect your baby and your breast milk and also might contribute to SIDS cases

- babies sometimes have a big red mark on them somewhere called a stork bite immediately after birth but typically it goes away

- babies can’t see very well for a while after birth and they’re VERY wobbly so they’ll typically bonk their head into your chest and face a lot while trying to support themselves

- female babies might have smth similar to a period the first few days after birth, this is because of the hormone transfer that happens during the birthing process and the days leading up to it

- male babies get random erections for the first few days after birth(hormone transfer again) literally do not be weird about this it’s a baby

- things like weaning your baby onto solid foods, potty training, weaning off pacifiers etc, can actually be directed by the baby and will happen naturally will minimal guidance from the parent(some guidance is still necessary) although I would do individual research into baby led weaning for food to prevent choking

- get those chewy feeding pouches to help with weaning

- the most random things will scare the hell out of your baby don’t take it personal 😭

- baby carriers are life savers (tulas are one of my favorites)

- once babies hit toddlerhood they’re tougher than you think, and a lot of their reaction is based on YOURS. they’re always going to be looking to you for how to react to a situation. Remain calm and if they’re ok they’ll calm down but if they’re genuinely hurt they’ll keep crying

- babies will most likely get ridiculously attached to an inanimate object and you have to keep this thing intact at all costs until they’re old enough to abandon it or they will throw a FIT. I got a lemur plushie from a zoo once and every single one of the kids has bonded their soul with it until about 6 years old and once a month I have to stitch him back up

- don’t compare yourself to other parents. Maybe your kid isnt getting grass fed wild caught north Atlantic cheerios but at least they’re fed. If your kid is alive and healthy and happy you’re doing a good job

- you will need 3 car seats, an infant seat, a grow with me toddler seat, and a booster seat

- getting a good diaper bag is a MUST

- the hair a baby is born with will most likely all fall out or they’ll get a bald spot on the back of their head where they sleep cuz their hair is so fragile and thin but once it grows back it grows back thick

- get like 20 muslin blankets so you always have a backup when the main ones are covered in spit up

- the babies grip IS stronger than yours (keep your hair up and keep pets away best you can)

- your best bet for your teething baby is a pacifier you can put your finger in so you can massage their gums and some chewing toys numbing cream can be dangerous and should be used sparingly

- go ahead and come to terms with the fact you’re gonna have to use a Frida Baby to manually remove snot

- babies can get hair and thread wrapped around their toes and fingers that can cut off their circulation try to make a habit of checking

- don’t hit your kid please it’s nothing but trauma and fucked up coping mechanisms from there pls empathize with your child they’re a person too

- be careful not to pull too hard on their arms and legs(like during play or holding their hand while they walk) and NEVER pick them up by their hands this will very easily cause dislocation

- they might have a little tooth like callous on their lip from their pacifier. This does not hurt them and it will go away but it may hurt during breastfeeding

- breastfeeding will make your boobs different sizes

Yeag that’s all I can think of rn but yk i Will add as I remember stuff ppl are also adding things I forgot in the tags in case you’d like to look thru that as well <3

[cherryrikis]

HEAVY HEART

PAIRING football captain!bf jake x fem reader

WARNINGS swearing, dehydration, mentions of jake killing himself (but its just a reference to an argument), a lot of break up talk (spoiler alert - this is not foreshadowing), jake’s kinda depressed, crying and a lot more kinds of sappy stuf

GENRE angst, fluff, also not proofread

SYNOPSIS jake returns home nearly 3 weeks post argument, only to find the house empty. to the public, it seemed you two were broken up, but he denied it. your relationship couldn’t end like this. when you finally do come back, you don’t expect jake to be sleeping in your once shared bed. and you definitely don’t expect him to beg for forgiveness.

part 1 is here. but this can be read as a standalone!

to jake, the world seemed colorless without you.

anything and everything you both once shared a love for, seemed to dull with only one person.

the flowers he bought you over a month ago had wilted, with no one to take care of them.

when jake returned to your shared apartment the day after the argument, he didn’t think you’d be the one to leave. at least, that’s what it seemed like. you didn’t technically leave, just, away from the house.

luckily, jake was able to find out through heeseung that you’ve been staying at yizhuo’s house. at least you were safe.

she’ll come back. she just needs time. he often reminded.

but days bled into weeks, into nearly a month that you’ve been gone, and jake found himself longing for you even more than before.

jake’s usual routine was to brush his teeth, change his clothes, and lie down in bed as he hugged your pillow (now stained with his tears).

his hair was so nappy, it had gone days, nearly a week, without being brushed out.

jake had grown accustomed to this sad usual cycle. but he still wasn’t used to being by himself. at least, not used to being without you.

so when he heard the faint click of the lock at the front door, he jumped up in shock. jake immediately discarded the depressed pillow and ran up to you with your luggage and all.

he pulled you into a tight hug, nearly forgetting the current situation all because he missed you being in his hold. jake realized how much he took you for granted. he just wanted his girlfriend back.

but it wasn’t that easy.

“oh, sorry..” he cleared his throat as he felt you gently try to pull away.

with the space between you two, you could see his features more clearly. your heart ached as you examined his pale face.

the more you looked at him, the more you realized there were three things for certain. one, jake most likely hasn’t gone outside since he came back home from jay’s (due to how pale he appeared and how cold his skin felt).

two, jake hasn’t been sleeping well, if he had even slept at all, due to all the crying he’s done (thanks to his dark circles and puffy eyes).

three, he’s missed you so much beyond compare, you nearly felt the slightest bit of sympathy for him (your discarded pillow on the floor made it clear as you walked into the once shared bedroom).

“can we talk please?” jake croaked out with a sore voice, as he’s had no reason to use it in the last few weeks.

he continued to follow you around the room as you walked over to the closet, tossing your heavy luggage inside of it.

“i know you haven’t been doing well. i heard jungwon and heeseung tried to visit. but you never answered.” you ignored, as you reached up to pull jake’s old sweater (which you stole) off the hanger.

he watched you struggle for a little while, before ultimately grabbing it for you. “thanks.” you murmured, pulling the soft cotton material over your head.

“y/n-” jake started, only for you to cut him off again. “and sunghoon. jay as well. jay and sunghoon actually were the ones who called me, convinced me to come over.”

you briefly looked up at your boyfriend, pausing your actions before moving back down to continue unpacking your luggage.

“y/n..” he trailed off. you acted as if you hadn’t heard him though, focusing on unpacking your bags.

“y/n!” jake called out. his head had been pounding with dehydration now. he wasn’t sure if he was yelling or whispering. the sudden change in behavior had you turning around entirely as you flinched.

“please, baby girl. y/n. can’t we just talk?” he begged. jake watched as you stood up from the ground, before following you as you walked passed him, across the room.

“whats there to talk about? i thought i nagged you so much to the point you ‘wanted to kill yourself’.” you quoted back to your previous argument that caused this distance between you.

jake grabbed you by your arm, forcefully turning you around so you could face him. but when he finally met your gaze, he took note of your glossy eyes, realizing the amount of tears you were holding back.

“jakey. all those things you said were unbelievable, and incredibly hurtful, jake. you can’t just expect me to forgive you. i just.. need more time.” you sighed, rubbing your forehead in frustration as you plopped down onto the bed.

“even more time then this last month?” he asked, taking a seat next to you.

“yes jake! even more time than that! you don’t understand how much damage you really did to me. i came here with a heavy heart, not even sure if i wanted to be around you. but when i heard from your friends how poorly you were taking care of yourself, i couldn’t just leave you.” you sniffled.

jake reached up to wipe your tears, but you slapped his arm away, moving to wipe your cheek with the back of your hand.

he gave you your space, watching you scoot further away so you had easier access to the tissue box on the floor. the moment was still before he finally spoke up again.

"i'm not asking for forgiveness, im asking you to hear me out. please, my angel girl. im begging you. i want you to know how sorry i am." jake's eyes too began to water.

he watched your face as you hesitated to let the words out, before you finally moved back closer towards him.

"okay. we can talk." you whisper, before grabbing your forgotten pillow off the floor.

“i was just.. so filled with stress, and anger. between failing so many classes, grades dropping, and coach saying i had terrible performance in the last few games, i wasn’t sure if what to do.” jake paused, watching to see if you were paying attention. you nodded in response, gesturing for him to continue.

“i guess i’m just saying i wasn’t able to handle the stress of a relationship back then. if i couldn’t be happy, i had no idea how to make you happy. and i was mad at myself for disappointing you. mad at you for being disappointed in me. everything just kinda came out in the moment. whether you heard it or not, i felt so guilty for saying something i didn’t mean to say.” he sighed.

“oh, my poor jake,” you pouted, moving to rest your head on his shoulder. “baby, if you were going through all of this, you should’ve told me. i know you hate to talk but there aren’t things you can go through alone. and sure, i may have been upset with you for forgetting or missing dates and not communicating, but never disappointed. never ever was i disappointed in you.”

“i guess i should work on that. i just hate confrontation.” he sighed. the two of you chuckled in unison. “it’s okay, i’ll help you out. baby steps, my love.”

“i’m just so scared of hurting you again,” jake started once more. “you’re just so fragile, so delicate to me, you know? i hate the thought of putting you through all that shit again. because i love you. so i want to be more open with you.”

you were glad jake wanted to change for the better, and for you. but you couldn’t lie when you said your stomach dropped a little at the thought of all that he said. but in the long duration you spent apart, it’s clear he’d been thinking about what he wanted to say. he had matured. jake reassured you it won’t happen again, and that’s all you needed. his reassurance.

jake pulls you down, so that the two of you are lying flat on the soft bed. you attempt to sit up, only to be brought back down as jake took your pillow out your hands.

“let me go cook something for us baby.” you hum as he began to pepper kisses all across your cheeks, your forehead, and jawline.

but jake only held you tighter, pulling you closer toward his now warm body (if even possible). “just stay with me mama. you’ve been gone for so long and you already want to leave.” he whined. you chuckle in response, before finally meeting him halfway and pressing a kiss on his plump, dry lips.

"you still have my pillow." you raise a brow.

jake sat up slightly, to throw your pillow across the room. "you don't need it. you have me." he replied, before leaning back down so he could bring your head to lay on his chest.

you smile as you felt his heartbeat begin to beat faster. you were home, and all was forgiven for now. that’s all that mattered.

maybe dinner could wait.

networks ! @en-diaries

taglist ! @pinksweetlittlepiano @yunjica @sunshine-skz @stormy1408 @gardenwons @hellokiittylexii @ivyvioletcarson @river-demon-slayer @blvengene @strawberrynull @maiteeeeesstuff @firstclassjaylee @mersmoon

[mr-divabetic]

We're talking about coping with diabetes, and depression during the holidays on December's Divabetic podcast with musical inspiration from Leona Lewis.

[bones4thecats]

Adopting Their Fallen Enemy's Child (PT.2) ~ RoR/SnV x Child! Reader

Type of Writing: Poll Result Characters: Beelzebub, Apollo, & Child! Reader Name: Adopting Their Fallen Enemy's Child (PT.2) Original Poll Results: Here Other Parts: (PT.1)

A/N: Because of how long the poll result was, I decided to make this into two different parts! I hope you guys enjoy this and have a nice day/night!

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🪰 He saw Tesla as weak and pathetic, but even he had to admit, the way he held himself in battle with his wits was quite impressive for a human, but he did not wish to show any kind of compassion towards the human, he still lost

🪰 And when he heard the sound of a child crying and hugging a piece of metal, he turned around and saw a young child wearing the same pair of goggles that the human he had just defeat wore

🪰 Beelzebub tilted his head as you cried while your father kneeled and hugged you as he crumbled away into nothing, and what he said to you reminded him of Lilith…

“ I will always be with you, in life and death… I love you, my little ray of hope… “

🪰 The God of Darkness could hear your cries of pain and depression, and it made his heart hurt so much, but he couldn’t tell why… why did he feel… bad for you?

🪰 You looked over your shoulder at him and flinched as he took steps towards you, but the Watchman of the Apocalypse could sense how he was about to kill you, so he stood in front of you and held you on his shoulder while beckoning the oldest Valkyrie to grab you from the field

🪰 He would watch you sit by the feet of the Valkyrie, looking up at the Gods once and while whenever they landed a hit on your human fighter, but the one God you looked at the most of Beelzebub, if he was even there

🪰 Beelzebub eventually heard a knock on his door and saw the eleventh Valkyrie sister, Hlökk, staring at him before saying how you wished to speak to him

🪰 He tilted his head in confusion while looking down at you, you shared the same shimmer in your eyes that your father had, and it surprised him that you wanted to talk to him, you saw how he killed your father, why didn’t you hate him?

🪰 When he spoke to you about your father with the oldest Valkyrie and the Buddha in the next room, he watched how you admired his work, and even corrected a few things, that was when he knew…

🪰 He didn’t want to leave you alone in this world without any family, so, he offered the Human’s the ultimate choice

“ Brunhilde, I would like to propose a deal. I will take care of the young Tesla child and teach them everything their father would’ve while alive. I swear to keep them protected from anything dangerous. “

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☀️ He had to admit, your father was quite the fighter, he was an honorable man, and when he turned around to hear the cheers from his nymphs, what he didn’t expect was the quiet words of Leonidas, the King of Sparta, speaking

☀️ Apollo turned around and saw a young child standing in front of the man, holding a spear, one that was made for their small form, and seeing the King just smile and hug the child before speaking his final goodbyes and bursting into the shards of his life, it just made the God look at the child with sadness

☀️ The God of the Sun looked at you with apparent regret in his eyes, he never knew that the battle-driven man he fought had a child, nonetheless one that couldn’t even had been a full-grown teenager

☀️ You smiled as your father gave you one last kiss on the head and loving grin, and seeing you hug the man’s shattered leg made Apollo look at you with pity, and when the Valkyrie and human faded away to the sky, he walked up behind you and tapped your shoulder, alerting you the man who killed your father was there

☀️ His eyebrows furrowed and he sat down on his knees to stare into your eyes, smiling as you touched his face, trying to wipe away any blood from the wound

☀️ Despite him killing your father right in front of you, you still showed care for him, and when he asked you why you were trying to fix his appearance up, you answered with a polite;

“ My father told me it was a fair fight. And in fair fights, you need to treat the winner not like garbage, but like a treasure. You won fair and square, and while I feel sad of losing my father, I will not hold a grudge against you, God of the Sun. “

☀️ Apollo smiled and patted your head before standing and lifting you up into his arms to carry you back to the Gods’ infirmary, and once you came into the hallway of the arena, you looked at him and kept trying to whip the blood on his face away, claiming it would ruin his reputation if it stayed there and stained

☀️ While he healed, you stayed by his side, trying to make him tell you more stories of the battles he watched your father participate in, and because of how much time you two spent together, Apollo couldn’t help but start seeing you as his own

☀️ One day, he eventually asked a question that would make your life whole again;

“ Y/N, child of Leonidas and heir of Sparta, you are unlike any other child I’ve ever seen in my life. I would be greatly honored if you would do me the pleasure of becoming my child. I understand I will not fully replace your father, and I am alright with that, but you being alone is something I cannot stand. So, what do you say, youngling? “

[bamgyw]

˚₊‧꒰ა ♡ the first night ♡ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

flee from sexual immorality. every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. - 1 corinthians 6:18

warnings: nothing too smutty yet. suggestive, let's call it that. mentions of abuse and violence. a/n: i'm realising it’s a little slow burn but that's better for the tension building. there's fingering in the next part, just bear with me. also, might be corny at times. i dunno. sorry. this is a part of a longer work ♡ go to the beginning here

soobin's room was a shithole. it had a correctional feel, with sparse furniture and an austere, almost monastic approach to decorations –not one poster, not one framed picture, not one item that didn't have a practical utility– as if he hadn't had an interest in his life.

it freaked beomgyu out how clean it was, and how earnest; everything that was worth seeing could be spotted with a single glance. simple. soobin had shamelessly exposed the stark core of his existence, that is, a plain wall and the depressive charm of a victorian orphanage.

the mattress was rigid, too. unbending. it defeated the whole purpose, beomgyu thought. it irritated him, that someone would make a mattress so hard it was almost a prank item, and that someone else would be stupid enough to buy it. he was sure soobin’s stepfather thought it built character, or some bullshit of the sort.

beomgyu lay there, sprawled out like a starfish, staring up at the ceiling. he couldn’t sleep. not a wink. his stomach was killing him, or maybe it was his liver, or his kidneys – hell, he couldn’t tell anymore. everything just ached, like his whole body was one big bruise.

his dad hadn't just kicked him out. that would have been too kind. no, his dad had kicked him out after beating the shit out of him. real old-school, no-holds-barred kind of beating. 

half of his internal organs might have been bleeding out in that moment, but whatever. beomgyu, stubborn as he was, refused to go to the hospital. he hated the clinics, the cold tools, the patronising doctors. he could already picture them, their eyes widening as they examined him, enumerating the parts of his body that were just about to give up. if he was dying, he really didn't wanna know.  

they would ask who had done that to him, and if he was sure he didn’t want to press charges. as if. as if he could ever bring himself to do that.

he couldn’t sue his father, he never would. even if his body was falling apart and in ruins. it was their thing. the beatings, the fights. the twisted ritual that kept them tied together. to snitch on his dad would be to betray him, to shatter the only fragile bond they had left.

so there he was, sleepless in soobin’s room, rolling around in the concrete mattress helplessly, restlessly, until he got so bored he couldn’t stand it anymore. 

the room was dark and quiet, the kind of quiet that presses down on you, heavy and suffocating. he needed to get up, to do something, anything to distract himself from the pain and the mess in his head.

he decided to go to the kitchen. maybe a glass of water would help, or at least give him something to do. as he got up from the bed, he didn’t worry too much about waking soobin. he knew he very rarely slept. he needed to be alert every second, like closing his eyes would make him too vulnerable.

that was one of the things that fascinated beomgyu about him—how soobin carried that crippling anger with him everywhere, but he never complained, never erupted. if beomgyu’s dad hit him, beomgyu would hit back, an eye for an eye. but when soobin’s stepdad hit soobin, he would just stand there, stiff and quiet like an ancient tree, never saying a word in some militaristic vow of silence.

the hallway was eerily quiet as beomgyu made his way downstairs, each step echoing in the stillness of the night. he moved cautiously, aware of how the house breathed around him, the creaks and groans of the old wood floors amplifying in the nothingness. he didn’t mind the silence though; it gave him space to think, to let his mind wander even as his body throbbed with pain.

he still tried to make as little noise as possible. the last thing he needed was for soobin’s stepdad to wake up and find him rummaging through the kitchen. that man already had a hair-trigger temper, and beomgyu didn’t need another beating tonight. he moved like a shadow, each step calculated, avoiding the spots he knew would creak the loudest.

reaching the kitchen, a thought crossed his mind. if he was lucky, he might just figure out where soobin’s stepdad kept the expensive whiskey. the good stuff, the kind that could numb the pain, at least for a while. he knew he had a hidden stash no one could access, soobin had told him. it was a small, fleeting hope, but it was something to do. a quest to keep him entertained.

slowly, he eased open each cupboard in the kitchen, the hinges protesting with a drawn-out creak. he peered inside, squinting to make out the shapes in the dark. 

but a fleeting glimmer caught his eye, halting his breath for a moment. someone, two eyes in the dark. he gasped, startled. he only began to calm down when his eyes started to make out the shape. he cursed at himself for being too jumpy. it was just one of those ceramic figures of virgin and child.

he looked around the room. his eyes had become used to the dark enough for him to guess the shilhouettes. anywhere he looked there was a porcelain veiled lady carrying her holy baby, an agonising jesus on the cross, some martyr saint immortalised in art with the object that gave them death.

everywhere blood, everywhere tears, everywhere fire, swords and stained white cloths. he couldn’t see them properly in the gloom, but the white of the eyes fixated on him so eerily it felt assaultive.

"fucking hell," beomgyu breathed out. that room was like a souvenir store at the vatican. soobin’s stepdad had amassed religious imagery with borderline obsession.

he must want redemption really bad, beomgyu thought. he must have done something unforgivable and now he's trying to buy his way into heaven with catholic merchandise.

the watchful gazes and the silent judgement were starting to weigh down on him, and he was about to give up, thinking maybe he’d better just head back to bed. but in a sudden, careless movement, he turned around and bumped into something soft and warm. a body of flesh. the stepsister.

in a split second, he realized the situation and acted purely on instinct. his hand shot out and clamped over your mouth, muffling any potential scream that might shatter the silence. "don't yell, please don't yell... i'm soobin’s friend." his voice was a harsh whisper, almost a plea. slowly, cautiously, he reached out and flicked on the light switch, still keeping his hand firmly over your mouth. "don't be scared." he murmured, more to himself than to you.

as the light finally flickered to life, it illuminated the room with a harsh, revealing glow. he saw you for the first time.

fuck. his breath caught in his throat. slowly, he released his grasp. he almost felt sorry to have touched you. like he could've stained you, somehow. like he was a foul moth and you were the sunlight.

it all made sense now. why your father guarded you so closely, as if he was keeping something holy. this was the secret they had shielded him from, the thing they didn't want to share—soobin and the stepdad. the face of a doll, with moonlit eyes and sugared strawberry lips, sweet enough to taste. an angel of a girl.

"you're not a kid," he breathed out, the words almost a whisper of disbelief.

you remained silent, standing there, paralysed like a scared rabbit ready to bolt. your instinct to flee would get triggered at the minimum movement from him. he could see that, but he couldn't fight the force –call it divine, call it gravitational– that kept pulling him towards you.

he reached for your hand, and you tried to get away. but he was quicker, seizing your wrist firmly. it didn't hurt, though. he was tender with his grasp. you weren’t used to that. with the slightest pull you could've freed yourself, but you chose not to.

"please, stay with me for a bit," he said, his voice almost as gentle as his touch. "talk to me."

you should’ve flinched. you should’ve yanked your hand away and stormed up to your room, locking the door behind you. but you didn’t. you allowed his grasp on your wrist to shift, to evolve at beomgyu’s will until the handcuffed enclosement turned into his hand sweetly holding yours.

"why?" was the only thing you could muster.

"because i can't sleep," he said, the words falling from his lips. ‘and because i want to look at you forever, christ.’ he thought before calmly adding, "my brain... it thinks too much at night. doesn't come up with the most pleasant thoughts, either. everything's too silent."

"that means you feel guilty." you said.

"yeah," he nodded. he was feverish. thirsty. "exactly."

"i feel like that too," you said. “sometimes.”

beomgyu thought he was going insane. that you weren't even real. some imaginary angel his mind had made up to comfort him just a little. it was the house, he thought, it was like an asylum. the light was too bright, too white. everywhere he looked, jesus christ or the virgin mary would return his gaze. the whole place was designed to keep him away from you, he thought, paranoid. but you didn't fit there. you felt warm and honeyed and lovely. you just didn't belong.

your hand was in his, as secure and mellow as your connected gazes, and he would rather die than let go of it. but he took his other hand up to your face, caressing your cheek with the back of it. it was scorching hot, rosy pink and glazed like an apple.

“you’re very pretty.” he mumbled, almost a purr.

“you can’t say that.”

“beautiful eyes, too.” he said. “sad.”

"my dad doesn't hesitate to hurt people." you said, trying to warn him away. you felt too cozy under his touch to push him yourself.

"i don't care what happens to me." beomgyu said, letting his hand travel to your neck, your hair, your cheek again. he would explore as far as you allowed him to. "but i wouldn't want him to hurt you."

"then leave." you said. but you didn't care what happened to you, either. he could see it in the worry of your eyes. it wasn't a fear for yourself, it was an all-embracing need to protect.

beomgyu shook his head slightly. "i’ll take the blame."

"he will say i brought it upon myself. that i looked for it." you said. "he’ll call me the whore of babylon and make me suffer for it."

you didn't seem as frightened as you seemed certain. not a lost bunny, not the distressed victim. you were aware of your actions and their consequences, intellectually and matter-of-factly. and for the first time in his life, beomgyu held something beautiful and felt not the need to destroy, but to save.

"your daddy can try." he said. "i have a dad of my own, and i know how they are. it’s just hubris. don't be so scared of a man who collects figurines of jesus christ like they're funko pops. he's the one who's terrified, don't you see?"

you smiled slightly, and he liked it so much. how the formerly strained and full of fear muscles of your face relaxed into that adorable grin. how he had done that to you. he was so satisfied, so proud of himself for getting an angel to smile. he wanted to do that forever.

he tried to stop himself from staring at you, fearing you'd get intimidated under his hungry gaze. that you'd fear him. but he couldn't quit. you were his new thirst, his desire unlimited, a beautiful wet dream standing right in front of him.

that stupid white nightdress was giving him such a hard time, too. the two necklaces you wore, so pretty and delicate. the first one, fastened and secured close to your neck was the pearls. he didn't know if they were real or not, he was just some brute before a siren. second was the rosary beads in rose mother-of-pearl, loosely draping over your chest to fall under the fabric of the nightwear, wickedly hidden from beomgyu’s sight.

he assumed they were the kind jewel you never took off. he liked the idea. they seemed so easy to pull on, to hang on to. so ornamental over a naked body. so fucking pretty.

his hand travelled up to the rosary beads, almost with a brain of its own. you swiftly moved your own hand over his to stop him, but you ended up softening your grip and letting him do as he pleased.

“do you sleep with these on?” he asked, softly. "it’s dangerous, you know? you could choke."

“i take them off.” you said. “i just wasn’t going to bed yet. i can't sleep lately. like you.” 

of course. you were just like him. morphed by your hostile environment into a broken half-human. an incomplete being, hollow. but still so beautiful and gentle. unlike him. he had felt his void with hatred, while you had maintained yours clean and unpolluted. he wanted to fill it with kisses, with caresses, with words of praise.

he began to lean in.

your breath hitched. he was so handsome, painfully so. plump lips, elegant cheeckbones. you liked him. you wanted to keep looking at him, to have your hand reach for his face and feel his skin, too. you wanted to never stop him from leaning in and to let him kiss you.

but the realization of it all sent a wave of panic through you, because you knew you couldn’t—shouldn’t—like him. you got away. "i really should leave," you said, but it came out more like a whisper, more like a plea. 

still holding the beads, he took his hand to your cheeks again. you leaned in to his touch a little, but you didn't give in completely. you had led a life of strict restrain and soldierlike discipline. you had the willpower of a hundred trained armies.

yet that didn't make it hurt less to let him go. you grabbed his hand and put it down with a slight shaking of your head.

“please,” he begged one last time.

you began to walk back while facing him, as if to make sure he wouldn’t follow after you. beomgyu's heart ached with each step you took away from him, his fingers curling into fists at his sides as he watched you disappear into the shadows. 

but a stupid thought, impulsive and idiotic came to you. in daddy’s house —the house of god— it was the type of idea that could get you killed. you swiftly approached him, almost unnoticeably, like a ghost. when you found yourself before him, you tiptoed slightly. you pecked his cheek. then you disappeared.

"good night," beomgyu whispered into the dark. he felt a pang of emptiness, like that feeling after a good dream slips away in the morning.

before his mom left, she used to take him to the ballet. he remembered a specific one in that moment. la sylphide. mom had loved that one. he felt like the lead, a man whose name he couldn't remember, kissed in the night by some magical being but waking up to nothing but her memory.

he was spaced out as he headed back to soobin's room, lost in his own thoughts. pushing the door open, he found soobin sitting up on the bed with the night lamp casting shadows over his unreadable face.

"why're you still up?" soobin asked him, his tone as flat as the mattress.

"just grabbed some water," beomgyu replied, keeping it simple.

"is everything alright?"

beomgyu gave a nod, not really knowing how to approach the subject. if he should even talk about it, if he would be capable of speaking without giving out too much. he slipped under the covers, giving soobin a subtle signal to switch off the light. and just as the room started to dim, he spoke into the darkness. "i saw your sister."

soobin's strained response came out after an exaggerated stretch of silence. "she's not my sister," he muttered.

beomgyu let the quiet hang for a beat before muttering; "well, she’s beautiful.”

soobin said nothing. the rustle of sheets is all that broke the silence as he rolled on his side, facing away from beomgyu. in the stillness, beomgyu drifted off into sleep, like touched by a divine calmness. soobin, however, remained awake.

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ next part

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ none of you have let me know if you think reading about booty sex is gross yet

[darlingsblackbook]

Distant Echeos 4

Gojo Satoru x Reader

Arranged Marriage AU

Summary : The time of an old pact, promising your hand to the heir of the Gojo clan, has come. It is now your wedding, how will the two of you continue from here?

Warnings : Angst, depressed reader :(, lonely reader :(, mentions of weightloss and not eating.

AN : Part four ♡

Previous parts : 1, 2, 3

Gojo Satoru

I didn’t come home often.

Not because I didn’t want to, but because it was easier that way. Easier to avoid the awkwardness, the tension that hung between us like a thick, invisible fog. Easier to stay away than confront what I’d been feeling since that damn wedding day.

But tonight was different. I wasn’t even sure why I decided to stop by this time. Maybe it was the guilt, gnawing at me like an itch I couldn’t scratch.

Maybe it was the exhaustion creeping in after a long week of missions and endless responsibilities. Or maybe, deep down, I just wanted to see her, to make sure she was okay.

I hadn’t been home in over a week, and though I knew Y/N wasn’t the type to complain, something about her silence had started to bother me.

I opened the door quietly, stepping inside the penthouse with its usual pristine cleanliness. The familiar scent of the place—something subtle, floral, that I always associated with her—lingered faintly in the air.

Everything looked exactly the same as I’d left it. Except… not quite. The furniture was in place, nothing out of order, but there was a thin layer of dust on the surfaces, as if no one had touched them in days.

The usual sense of care and attentiveness that she always brought to this place felt like it was missing.

The energy was off.

I frowned, walking further in, my senses on alert in a way they rarely were at home. Something wasn’t right.

The kitchen was spotless, of course, but the sink was empty, the counters bare. No dishes drying, no evidence of food having been made recently. A quick glance in the fridge confirmed it—half-empty containers of food that looked like they’d been untouched for days. Leftovers from meals that had gone uneaten.

The eerie quiet that filled the place started to press in on me, and an uneasy feeling twisted in my gut. It was too quiet. Too still.

Had she… left?

The thought hit me harder than I expected, sending a strange jolt of panic through my chest. I wasn’t sure why, but suddenly, the idea that she might have just packed her things and gone felt… wrong. Sure, I hadn’t been the most attentive husband, but she wasn’t the type to just disappear without a word. Was she?

I moved through the living room, glancing around for any signs—anything that would tell me she was still here. Her shoes were by the door, neatly placed like always. Her bag was on the small table near the entrance, untouched. It didn’t look like she’d left. But why was everything so quiet?

My feet carried me down the hall, toward the bedroom—the one she had claimed as hers. I hadn’t been inside since we first moved in, and I wasn’t even sure if she’d want me to go in now. But I needed to know. I needed to see if she was still here, if she was… okay.

The door was slightly ajar, a thin sliver of darkness spilling out into the hallway. I pushed it open quietly, stepping inside.

The room was dim, the curtains drawn tight against the windows, letting in only the faintest traces of moonlight. My eyes adjusted to the dark, and that’s when I saw her.

Y/n was curled up on the bed, wrapped in a thick bundle of blankets, barely moving. For a second, I thought she might be asleep, but there was something about the way she lay there—too still, too quiet—that made my chest tighten.

I stepped closer, my gaze falling on her face. The dim light made it hard to see, but as I got nearer, I noticed something that made me pause. Her cheeks looked a little hollower than I remembered, her skin paler. And then, the worst part—the part that made my stomach twist with guilt—I realized she had lost weight. Not just a little, but enough that it was noticeable, even in the dim light.

She hadn’t been eating.

The realization hit me like a punch to the gut, and for a moment, I just stood there, staring at her small, fragile form wrapped up in those blankets like she was trying to disappear.

What the hell had I been doing?

I knew I’d been distant. I knew I hadn’t been there for her. But I hadn’t realized just how bad things had gotten. How much she had been suffering because of me.

The silence between us had been easier for me to deal with. I told myself that keeping my distance was for her sake—that it was better this way. After all, it wasn’t fair that she had been forced into this marriage. She hadn’t asked for it any more than I had. She deserved better than to be stuck with someone like me, someone who couldn’t give her what she needed. What she deserved.

But looking at her now—seeing her so small, so worn down—I realized I had been wrong. Completely, utterly wrong. My absence hadn’t made things easier for her. It had only made her feel more alone.

I swallowed hard, my throat tight as I crouched down beside the bed, watching her quietly. She hadn’t moved, hadn’t stirred, but I could see the faint rise and fall of her chest, slow and steady.

I wasn’t sure how long I sat there, just staring at her, but my mind was racing with all the things I should have done, all the things I’d failed to do. I’d been so caught up in my own frustration, my own anger at this situation, that I hadn’t stopped to think about how much worse it had to be for her.

I was Gojo Satoru—the strongest sorcerer in the world. I didn’t have to answer to anyone, didn’t have to rely on anyone. I could have walked away from this marriage and still been fine. But Y/n? She had been forced into this life with no choice, no control. And I had just… left her to deal with it on her own.

I thought keeping my distance would protect her, that it would make things easier for her if I wasn’t around to remind her of the life she didn’t choose. But all I’d done was make her feel like she didn’t matter. Like I didn’t care.

But I did care. More than I wanted to admit, even to myself.

The truth was, I hadn’t been avoiding her because I didn’t want to be here. I’d been avoiding her because I didn’t know how to deal with the fact that I cared. I cared too much. I hated seeing her trapped in this situation, stuck in a marriage with someone like me. I hated that she had been forced into this life, and I hated that I was part of the reason she was suffering.

But now, seeing her like this—so fragile, so alone—I realized that my distance hadn’t protected her at all. It had only made things worse.

I let out a slow breath, my chest tight as I watched her, my mind racing with all the things I should say, should do. Apologize? Promise to do better?

But what good were words now, after all this time?

I stood up slowly, my gaze still fixed on her as I tried to decide what to do. I could leave, give her space like I always did. But something in me knew that wasn’t the answer. Not anymore.

Instead, I gently pulled the blankets up a little higher around her shoulders, making sure she was warm, and then I turned to leave. Not because I was abandoning her again, but because I needed to figure out how to fix this. How to fix us.

Because, for the first time, I realized that I didn’t just want to make things better for her out of obligation. I wanted to make things better because… I cared. More than I had ever allowed myself to admit.

And I had been too blind to see it until now.

♡

Taglist : @kalopsia-flaneur @lov3vivian @junslay

All Rights Reserved © 2024 DarlingsBlackBook

[lara-cairncross]

masterpost weewoo ✨✨

general art tag general ask tag fanfic recommendations

🧚hidden hollow au / rottmnt fairy au stuff:

au tag fanart/fanwriting tag "ask mikey" tag

original designs (this is kinda outdated now lmao)

brief intro comic

april -> leo size comparison

mini lore comic 1

info about mikey's talent

general idea for wings + shell anatomy

mini lore comic 2

info about leo's talent

mini lore comic 2.5??? (not important just funny to me personally)

shelldon exists. kinda.

thingy about their fangs (good color ref)

TURTLE TOTS

usagi intro!

raph shell ref

mini lore comic 3

ref for donnie's markings (kinda)

big lore comic 1

ao3 fanfics (from most recently updated to oldest)

link to my Ao3 page

are you lonely yet?

-> 6/? chapters, 11k words, english, Donnie- and- Mikey-centric.

notes: uhhhhh mikey gets hurt in a very damaging way. donnie blames himself big-time. they both think the other is mad at them. emotional angst woo hoo, but also kinda fluffy i think? also pretty heavy on disaster twins stuff

now it's red, now it's dead, now it's--

-> 1/2 chapters, 5k words, english, Mikey-centric.

notes: set in the Bad Future timeline! follows mikey's slow ascent into becoming something Other. lots of angst-- depression, disassociation, suicidal ideation, major character death, etc etc. probably my favorite fic that i've written? idk I love writing OP mikey!

the sun is a dying star

-> 3/? chapters, 10k words, english, mikey-centric but bounces between POVs

notes: started off as a one-shot but i got too ambitious for my own good. mikey is not having a good time. blah blah blah turtle-gets-kidnapped-by-scientists-or-something, but i wanted to focus more on like, psychological damage than physical damage. not sure when/if this one will get an update.

pizza bagels, communication, and other life-changing novelties

-> 1/3 chapters, 3.4k words, english, Miles- and- Mikey-centric.

notes: SHELLSHOCKED FIC WOOHOO !! THE ONE AND ONLY TIME I WILL WILLINGLY WRITE ROMANCE! uhhhh two teenagers pining for each other and doing dumb shit together and angsting about being children with the weight of the world on their shoulders. IT'S FLUFFY AND CUTE I PROMISE

it's golden hour somewhere

-> 1/1 chapters (completed), 7.4k words, english, Mikey- and- Karai-centric.

notes: one-shot. Karai POV, but focuses on turtle tot Mikey. basically the Hamato Sacrifice isn't the only curse that plagues the clan, and Mikey is the most recent Hamato to come under fire. predetermined fate and all that shit. fluff and angst. this one's kinda weird ngl I remember nothing about writing it or getting inspiration for it lmao

the icarus complex

-> 2/2 chapters (completed), 10k words, english, Raph-centric (and also kinda Leo-centric in second chapter).

notes: deals with Raph's PTSD following the Kraang invasion, and one possible coping mechanism he could fall back on. spoiler alert it's NOT a healthy one lmao. definitely one of the more interesting fics I've written in my opinion; I did a lot of research for this one to make it as realistic and respectful as I could. another personal fav :)

equivalent exchange (and other things that give Leo a headache)

-> 1/? chapters, 2.5k words, english, Future!Leo- and- Mikey-centric.

notes: another Bad Future timeline fic, this time with Present Mikey accidentally ending up with Future Leo. follows the two of them trying to figure out how to get Mikey back to his timeline. I still love this concept, but idk when I'll get around to updating it tho lmao

that's where the blood's supposed to be!

-> 2/2 chapters (completed), english, Mikey-centric.

notes: Mikey gets hit hard during a fight but brushes it off, and it comes back to bite him later. takes place after the show, but before the movie-- right when the whole Leo vs Raph kerfuffle is at its peak. questionable medical information but I did my best lmao. this one's kinda old and cringey atp but whatever

other stuff

fanart for 3 months au tag

fanart for golden future au tag

glass turtle keychains example

College Fund (aka my Ko-fi page :>)

[greasegotahold]

Lots of debate on the timeline of events in the outsiders and ages fitting into that, but according to Hinton Pony was born July 22, and he'd been 14 for about a month (line in the movie) when the main events kick off. That would put the murder during late August, which is exactly when that schoolyear would be starting. They only hide out for 5 days, which would put them at early September when they end up back home.

The rumble, Johnny's death, Dally's death, and Pony's concussion fainting happens the night after they get home.

Ponyboy comes to after 3 days, then ends up on bedrest for another week, where he displays delusional thought.

The Juvenile Court hearing presumably occurs shortly after that bedrest, as Pony is still not considered fit to testify on the murder, placing it squarely into the month of September.

It's not super clear how long the depressive episode lasts for Pony, but it's long enough that he is failing his classes and Syme is offering to bring him up to a C. Recalling my high school days, overall grades for fall semester were usually evident by like mid October, so I would give Pony 2-3 weeks, maybe a full month before Syme reaches out.

However, we also know Pony was procrastinating on his assignment, it's part of Darry's nagging iirc, so that + the theme being a final project for the semester, it was probably due mid-late November/maaaayyybe early December.

This is where ages come in bc some of the ages we have from the TV Show Bible don't align with the story's events happening in August.

However.

We know that we are reading Ponyboy's theme. It ends cyclical to the beginning, and there's also evident effort on Ponyboy's end to avoid writing profanity into his recollection. He's 14, been to Hell and back, and also procrastinated on his essay. That is to say, I'd believe it if the argument was made that for some of the surviving characters, he just mentioned how old they were at the time of writing.

Side note, too, that the musical does corroborate the main events happening in late August imo, as it explicitly ties the Curtis Parents' deaths to Darry's birthday; Darry was born January 5, and they died 8 months before the story took place; 8 months from January is obviously September, technically. However. Looking at the calendar year for 1967 (the musical is bumped up 2 years), Darry's birthday fell on the first Thursday of January. If Pony's birthday is July 22nd and it's been a month (not confirmed in the musical to have been a month, but confirmed that he would be 15 next July), the Friday Night Drive-In encounter would have been August 25 (literally the first week of school), 7 months and 3 weeks after the crash; technically not 8 months, but extremely close. If we want to push it closer and move the events a week later, then the drive in would have happened September 1.

In conclusion, my proposed book timeline, cross-referenced with calendars and given school start dates:

Tuesday, January 5, 1965—Darry's Birthday, potentially also the death of Curtis Parents

Thursday, July 22, 1965—Ponyboy's 14th birthday

Thursday, August 26, 1965—Pony gets jumped

Friday, August 27, 1965—Pony goes to the drive-in, Johnny kills Bob (technically this happens in the wee hours of Saturday, but the jumping that led to it was a consequence of the drive in so I'm lumping them)

Saturday, August 28-Wednesday, September 1, 1965— (technically the actual time of Bob's murder) + Windrixville hideout + fire + Hospital reunion

Thursday, September 2, 1965—Rumble + Johnny's death + Dally's Death + Pony's concussion

Friday, September 3-Sunday, September 5, 1965—Pony in feverish delirium

Monday, September 6-Sunday, September 12, 1965—Pony on Bedrest

Monday, September 13, 1965—Juvenile Court

Tuesday, September 14, 1965-Depressive fugue begins

Monday, October 11 or 18, 1965—Mr Syme alerts Ponyboy of his failing grade+presents semester's final project in the form of a personal theme.

Mid November, 1965—theme is written

[lyraoftheevergreens]

The Realms Enchantress

Chapter 2

NSFW, minors do not engage

Pairing: Daemon Targaryen x Reader!Niece, Daemon Targaryen x Niece!Targaryen, Daemon Targaryen x Female!OC,

Summary: For years Daemon never had a care in the world just, sex, wine and a good battle. With the exception of his favorite niece. His little dragon he called her. He swore to be there for her and he got himself exiled when she needed him the most. Now, he returns from war at the step stones and is determined to get her back. No matter the cost.

Warnings: Targaryen Inscest, mentions of sex, oral female and male receiving, talk of nudity, mentions of death and blood, mother murdered, dead babies, depression, periods, vulgar language.

Authors Note: Welp, if you haven’t figured it out by now, I might as well tell you. I’m a complete whore for Daemon and that truly shows through this. I hope you all enjoy my slutty little works.

This is edited to a degree, I apologize for any errors in advanced. I tried my best.

Word Count: 5,542; sorry, got a little carried away

Tag List: Open

Chapter 1

2 years and some moons went by after y/n’s name day now 8 and 10 years of age a tourney is called in celebration of the babe in her mother’s womb. Celebration of the kings heir that has yet to been born. Your father swears it will be a boy. So hopeful that he is celebrating his arrival before your mother’s labors have even begun.

Your father gives his thanks and speech to commence the start of the tourney and alerts the people that your mother’s labors have begun. You sat with your family in the viewing area next to Rhaenyra and Alicent when Daemon approaches the viewing box, “Princess’ lady Hightower. Here to watch me win?” He said with his usual smug expression.

“We will see how true your words remain.” Y/n speaks first.

“You shall see then.”

He goes on to pick his opponent, Gwayne Hightower, Alicents older brother. She becomes visibly nervous when Daemon picks him. It is when Daemon un horses him that you think she is going to burst out crying in fear for her brother. Daemon then makes his way back to you,” Lady Alicent, I am all but certain I can win these games but having your favor shall ensure it.” He says to her holding out his jousting stick. You and Rhaenyra were in shock, you hurt more so. Every tourney he asked for your favor now he ask for hers. When you took your seat you noticed the maester approaching your father. You sat the tourney for as long as you could but once the murder began you decided to take your leave. You went to snack tables and grabbed an apple where you were met with your uncle. “You’re leaving my tourney?” He spoke first.

“No, taking a break from the murder. Besides it’s not your tourney, it’s for the babe in my mother’s womb.”

“Unless that babe is born with a cock, I remain heir. Besides, It’s not murder when it’s in the name of the tourney.”

“My apologies, I refuse to watch.”

“Well I hope you return to watch your favorite uncle once more.”

“Perhaps I will.” With that you went your separate ways. Your uncle to the tourney field and you to the viewing. A few moments go past, your uncle is unhorsed and on the floor, “PRINCE DAEMON TARGARYEN WISHES TO CONTINUE IN A CONTEST OF ARMS.” Shouts the announcer. It’s then that you take your leave not wishing to see what happens next.

You made your way to the red keep and once in the halls of the keep all that could be heard were your mother’s screams, you made your way to the room this was coming from. The guards stood at the door would not let you in. You pleaded with them,” please, I wish to comfort my mother through her labors as I have done so through the previous ones.” Unbeknownst to the guards this birth would not be like the previous ones.

Once you entered through the large heavy wooden door your mother’s screams flooded your ears, your father and the hand maids holding your mother down like cattle, the maesters hands inside her womb. Blood everywhere. You stood there in silent shock. It wasn’t until one of the hand maidens alerted your father of your presence that you felt hands grab at your arms and pull you from the room. Your brain unable to process your father yelling at you to leave and for the guards to remove you from the room. “Remove your hands from her!” Yelled Ser Errol, he took you from the guards that had dragged you out the room, you looked up at him with tears streaming from your eyes. He could feel how limp you were. He carried you to your chambers and sat you on your bed. It was then your uncle came in,” You left. I suppose it’s fine due the fact I turned my back on my opponent and lost.” He said with an annoyed tone in his voice. He still wore his armor, he placed his helmet on your clothing chest. It was then that all could be heard was the shouts from the tourney. Your mother’s screams had stoped. You turned your head towards your uncle, tear stained face and shaky voice,”she is dead.”

“Who is dead?” He replied.

“My mother. He killed her.”

“Who killed her!” He shouted with his hand gripping dark sister at his side.

“My father.” Daemon let go of the sword and sat at the chair. “Tell me, what did my brother do.”

“He had the maesters cut the babe from her womb. His hands were inside her. My mother held down like cattle for slaughter. Like some birthing animal. He killed his wife. My mother! MY MOTHER!” It was the that you began yelling and crying hysterically. Daemon rose from his seat and pulled you into him. Your face on the metal on his chest. You began slamming the sides of your fist on it, beating his armored chest. He stood there and took your anger. Rhaenyra entered,” what has happened, is mother alright?” You looked up at Daemon and whispered a silent no. He understood. You walked to Rhaenyra and locked the door to your chambers. You turned to her and began to speak,” I’m so sorry Nyra, mother has passed.” Rhaenyra stood there silently and let her the shock of your words absorb into her. Daemon began to remove his armor and watched the two sisters. “She is dead.”

“Yes.” With that the tears slowly fell from her eyes. And then she broke out into a hysterical sob. You held her close to you, the two of you falling to the floor. You sat and held your sister as she sobbed into you. It was then that your uncle left. Unbeknownst to you at the time that he went in search of his brother. Eventually you and Rhaenyra made your way to the bed and fell asleep in each other’s arms. You both woke in the morning, she left to her chambers and you remained in yours, the maids helped you bathe and dress. You walked with Rhaenyra to Rhaenys is hill. Syrax atop the hill. You both stood in front of the two pyres. Not realizing how long the two of you were stood there till daemon approached Rhaenyra, “they are waiting for you.” He told her in a hushed tone.

“Nyke pendagon lo, during lī dorolvie hours issa lēkia glaesagon, ñuhon kepa finally found biarves”

(I wonder if, during those few hours my brother lived, my father finally found happiness)

“Aōha kepa jorrāelagon ao, tolī than ziry mirre emagon. Se both hen ao”

(Your father needs you, more than he ever has. The both of you)

“Nyke jāhor dōrī sagon nykeā tresy”

(We will never be sons) with that Rhaenyra stepped forward to your father she tried to speak but her voice broke. She looked next to her at her grieving father staring upon his dead wife and son. Her mother and brother. She quickly turned her head.

“Dracarys.” With that, Syrax made his way down the hill and set the pyres aflame. Daemon held you to his chest while you both watched your mother and brother burn.

“Nyke jorrāelagon ao kepus, sir tolī than mirre.”

(I need you kepus, now more than ever)

“Nyke’m kesīr.”

(I’m here) he spoke as he held you close.

Everyone retreated to the castle once the ceremony was over. Rhaenyra to her room while you and your father thanked people for coming and encouraged them to feast. You sat with your uncle while he drank his wine. Once it was all over Daemon turned to you,” Nyke līs sir jikagon byka zaldrīzes. Se oktion urnēbagon jorrāelagon issa.” (I must now go little dragon. The city watch needs me.)

“Nyke shifang. Geron issa naejot issa chambers kostilus”

(I understand. Walk me to my chambers please)

“Hen rhinka.”

(Of course)

Daemon offered you his arm. You took it and he escorted you to your chambers. You both entered. Stood there in the center of the room. He held you against his chest. His fingers ran through your hair.

“I must go now.”

“Stay with me.”

“I have a duty to the realm. Keep the streets safe, for the kingdom. For you.”

“I understand, but selfishly I want you to stay.”

“If I could you know I would.”

“I understand. Go, leave.” With this he kissed your forehead and left. Your handmaids undressed you and you changed into your night shift and made your way to Rhaenyras chambers. You entered without knocking and climbed into bed with her. She turned and placed her head on your chest. She cried into you until she fell back asleep. You woke the next morning in Rhaenyras’ bed. You turned to face what you assumed was her but were met with your uncle asleep next to you. You put your head on his chest and he spoke. ”good morning sweet girl.”

“Morning.” You mumbled to him. “Where is Nyra.”

“She is on Syrax. I saw her earlier leaving to the dragon pit. I asked where you were and she informed me you were asleep in her bed.”

“Mmm.” You grumbled. He laid there stroking your hair as you laid with your head on his chest. “Are you going to leave the bed today.” He asked, he spoke gently, with care. “No.” You answered. Your head and body ached with grief. Your eyes burned from all the tears. He left the bed first then proceeded to rip the covers off you. You shoved your face into the pillows, “Daemon.” You grumbled. He wasn’t having any of it as he picked you up into his arms and walked out the doors of Rhaenyras’ room into the halls of the red keep. Your arms around his neck. “Where are we going?” You questioned him. “Hush, don’t worry yourself about it.”

You held onto him, hiding your face in his neck. You heard him bark orders of getting a carriage ready but you didn’t see to whom these orders were being told to. He stood holding you for longer than you thought possible but he never faltered. In time he was notified of a carriage is arrival. He took you out to the carriage and you left his arms to enter the carriage he sat next to you and you held onto his arm resting your head on his shoulder. Soon you arrived at what you realize to be the dragon pit when the driver opens the door to the carriage. Daemon exists while you remain seated.

“No.” Is all you say as he stands waiting for you to follow him.

“That beast of yours misses you.”

“He is fine, take me back to the Keep Daemon.”

“If that were true why is he causing so much trouble for the dragon keepers.”

“Because it is a false belief that we control the dragons.”

“Then go. Set him free.”

“Daemon. Please.” You were practically crying at this point as tears began to form in your eyes.

“dōnus riñītsos, come with me.”

You stayed silent as you got out from the carriage. He held out his hand to help you down when you realized you wore nothing but your night shift and to make matters worse, you were barefoot.

“ I’m not dressed. And my feet are bare.”

“Then I shall continue to carry you.” He states matter of factly. You wrap your arms around his neck and your legs around his waist as he carries you like a child. His hands under your bottom holding you up.

He has the dragon keepers bring out Dyrax. He held on to you as they bring out your dragon.

“Gods has he always been so huge. He’s going to be to large for the pit.” You turn your head to look at your dragon “the beast” Daemon likes to call him, he had grown so large in the year since Daemon had last seen him. Dyrax saw Daemon holding you and could probably smell the sadness that over took you. He let out an ear bleeding screech. He was ready to set the whole pit on fire at the sight of his rider in someone’s arms. You asked Daemon to put you down and he refused, walking you to Dyrax.

You put your hand to the dragons face.

“It’s okay my love, Nyke’m okay issa jorrāelagon, nyke’m ȳgha. Ziry’s lentor.”

(I’m okay my love, I’m safe. He’s family)

“Put your hand on him.” You tell Daemon and he does, with one arm holding you to him and the other on the dragon.

“Aōha olvie nykeā magnificent dyni, nyke kostagon ūndegon skoro syt issa niece iksos sīr attached naejot ao.” (You’re quite a magnificent beast, I can see why my niece is so attached to you) Daemon says to the dragon. “Go on, climb in to the saddle.” He tells you and you wrap your arms and legs around him tighter. “No, I refuse. Take me back to bed.” You tell him. “Fine. Hold on tight.” He says and then begins to start his climb up Dyrax. “Daemon! I’ll climb.” You shout, letting go of him and begin to get into the saddle.

“Where are we even going?” You ask. As he begins to take his seat infront of you

“Dragonstone.”

“No. I won’t be able to stay awake for that long of a flight, I’m not well. I just want to sleep please take me back to the castle.”

“I’m taking you to a castle. You’ll be fine.” He says and then shouts to the dragon keepers, “Tepagon issa se fabric ties.” (Give me the fabric ties) they toss it up to him and he catches it.

“I am not an infant.” You speak sternly.

“Then why must you act like one.” He remarks beginning to tie you to him. “If you fall asleep while you are tied to me then I won’t have to worry about you falling to your death, if you die your father will have my head if this beast we are on doesn’t kill me first.”

“Fine.” You say helping him tie you to him.

“Sōvegon Dyrax. Obey issa.” (Fly Dyrax. Obey me.) Daemon spoke to him, but yet your stubborn beast refused to move.

“Rȳbagon naejot zirȳla. Gūrogon īlva naejot zaldrīzes dōron Dyrax.” You told the dragon. And with that he let out a screech and started his accent to the sky.

(Listen to him. Take us to Dragonstone Dyrax)

“Stubborn bastard.” Daemon mumbled making you laugh. You kept your arms wrapped around Daemon and rested your head on his back under his shoulder.

“Why Dragonstone?” You asked him.

“Why no? You are Princess of Dragonstone after all.”

“Nyra needs me.”

“She has the Hightower girl and Syrax, she will be fine.”

“What if it is I who needs her.”

“You have me.”

“For how long?”

“We will see zaldrītsos, I can promise you four days. Possibly more.”

(Little dragon)

“And your precious gold cloakes?”

“I’ve put Ser Harwin in charge while I attend to you.”

“Does anyone know I’ve left with you? Nyra, Ser Errol, my father?”

“I informed Rhaenyra of my plans when I saw her leave her room. Ser Errol is aware and as for your father do you believe he would let me have you to myself?”

“No. Besides he doesn’t leave his chambers so I suppose he wouldn’t notice my absence.” The two of you talked for sometime then eventually you drifted to sleep. After a long nap you woke to the sound of Daemon yelling commands to Dyrax.

“Tegon Dyrax. Naejot se ripo. Listen you stubborn bastard. Jikagon naejot se ripo.” (Land Dyrax. To the pit. Listen you stubborn bastard. Go to the pit.)

“Rybās Dyrax.” You spoke up. (Obey Dyrax.) with that he started to descend to the pit.

“He was almost listening to me.” Daemon mumbled. You kissed his cheek,” oh yes, very close.” You laughed. Once landed the dragon keepers of the island took Dyrax.

“Ziry jorrāelagon naejot ipradagon.” Daemon told the keepers to feed Dyrax, that he had a long flight, as he climbed down the dragon with you still tied on his back.

“Daemon, are you going to untie me.”

“No, I quite enjoy you back here.” He said holding your legs that are wrapped around his waist. The hour was late you noticed as the sun had set.

“What is the hour?” You asked as he walked to the doors of the castle.

“Hour of the eel I believe.”

“Oh quite late. Daemon, if I’m going to tire again I should walk.

“Okay but hold on.” You wrap your arms around his neck as he begins to untie you. Once untied from him you begin to fall to the floor. With an uumph from your lips.

“Thank you. Do you suppose the water is warm?”

“It’s too late to go in, I’ll take you on the morrow.”

“Fine. Your age is getting to you uncle Daemon.” You jest with him.

“Tis not.”

“Tis is.” You say walking away from him.

“Could an old man do this!” He shouts and begins to run towards you. You laugh as he chases you on the sand. He’s much faster than you are and eventually catches you. You scream and laugh, the two of you falling to the sandy floor. “Are you alright?” You ask him in between fits of laughter. “I’m just fine.” He lays there laughing and catching his breath. You sit up and smile down at him.

“I always forget how much I love it here. No politics, no ‘duty to the realm,’ it’s quite lovely. The dark sea.”

“Would you leave Kings Landing? Leave Rhaenyra?”

“Rhaenyra would come with me. But yes, I would.” You said and laid down next to him. Your head on his shoulder. You both laid there looking up at the stars.

“Qēlos.” You whispered. (Star)

“What’s the matter?” Daemon questioned.

“I wish there was a nicer word for star, the Valyrian word for star wouldn’t make a very nice name.”

“A name for whom? A dragon? It’s would fit a dragon quite nicely.”

“No. A girl. A babe. Mine, eventually. Hopefully.”

“I’m sure you will think of something beautiful.”

“I suppose so.”

“You still wish to have children after what you witnessed with your mother?”

“I watched my mother have still born babes and yet I still want many children, a husband who loves me. Our many children will be evidence of the love we have for another. My father let her die. If I wed the proper man, he won’t allow me to die.”

“I wouldn’t let you die.” Daemon whispers to you.

“You’re married.”

“My bronze bitch. Our marriage is unconsummated, it can be annulled.” He said.

You stayed quite laid in the sand when someone came walking down with a torch. Maester Gerold.

“Your graces, I was notified of your arrival. All is well?”

“All is well as can be.” Answered Daemon as he got up, helping you to your feet next.

“You’re in your night clothes princess?” The maester questioned.

“Oh yes. I apologize for my appearance.”

“Not necessary princess. If you will follow me, we have prepared your rooms. Do you wish to bathe?”

“The princess does, prepare it in her chambers.” Daemon ordered the maester as the three of you walked to the castles doors. Once inside the Maester ordered a bath to be prepared for you in your chambers. Dameon then ordered the maids to move his belongings to your chambers.

“I brought you here so it seems only right I keep you company.”

“Very well then.”

You sat on the bed and watched as the bath was prepared and Daemons belongings were brought to the room. The handmaidens stood to the side waiting for you to undress and enter the bath so they could bathe you. When Daemon spoke up and ordered them to leave.

“She can bathe herself.” He barked at them. They all hurried out of the room. “Good. Even better I don’t have that bleeding Ser Errol around either.”

“You don’t like him?”

“No. He treats me as though I’m to steal your virtue.”

“Are you not?” You questioned him.

“Only if you wish me too.”

“That’s alright. I will inform you when the moment arrives.” You say and drop your night shift off your shoulders and it puddles to the ground at your feet. No small clothes underneath. You stand there naked infront of him.

“No small clothes? Very naughty princess.”

You turn and walk away from him and get into the bath. Enjoying the hot water relax your tired body. As you rest in the basin eyes closed Daemon comes and sits next to you on the floor, with the back of a single finger he caresses your cheek. “Gevīe.” He whispers.

You knew you were beautiful, you were named the realms enchantress for a reason. Your beauty paralyses men and women. You could start wars with the look of an eye. Yet when Daemon called you beautiful with a look of want in his eyes you were ready to leap from the bath onto him.

He then glides his finger down from your cheek, to your neck to a single breast stoping right above the bud of your breast. You look into his eyes with yours. He removes his hand and retrieves the sponge and begins to bathe you. He wets your hair and cleans your body. His arm going under the water to wash between your legs. You close your eyes and hold back a moan. It took every ounce of strength for him not to take you out of the bath and have his way with you. But he kept his restraint. Finished bathing you and helped you out. Gave you your robe and had you sit on the chair infront of the mirror and brushed your hair. It was then you began to cry.

“Did I hurt you rinitsos?” He said looking at your face from the mirror. You looked up at his face and managed to get out a no in between your soft cries. You stood and looked up at him, “take me to bed.” You whispered as tears flowed down your cheeks. He lifted you and took you to bed, the blankets already pulled back. He lays you down and tries to get in next to you but you stop him.

“No. Undress. I’m bare, it’s only fair you are too.”

“You wear a robe.” With that you stood and untied it and let it fall to the floor.

“I’m not now.” You said getting back into bed. With that he began to undo the buckles of his doublet, removing his boots and breaches. Last his small clothes and tunic. He stood there naked before you. His member hanging there yet still quite large. It didn’t matter to you as you kept eye contact with his face. You patted the empty side of the bed as a gesture for him to join you. He entered the bed and pulled you into him.

“My mother will never brush my hair again.”

“I’m sorry my sweet girl.”

“What age were you when your mother passed?”

“4. I don’t remember her much unfortunately.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t-.”

“It’s alright, don’t fret.” He interrupted the start of a ramble. He stroked your wet hair and eventually tracing his fingers up and down your spine. You looked up at him and he felt your movement and looked down at you. Your hand moved up his chest to his cheek. Leaving your hand gently there you spoke, “Daemon, kiss me.” He laid there silently staring at you. Your hand moved into his hair. “Please.” That one little please was all it took and he was on his side pressing his lips to yours. You followed his movements and when his tongue entered your mouth you weren’t sure what to do so you allowed him to lead the kiss, you laid there having never been kissed but the need for Daemon was to strong to ignore. After a while you pulled away to breathe and just stared into his eyes. Nothing but the candles illuminating the room.

His hand moved to the back of your head and pulled you into him, his lips connecting with yours. He wrapped his arms around you and pulled you on top of him. You could feel his hard length under you as you hovered your hips over him. You pulled away to speak. “Does it hurt?”

“Does what hurt my sweet girl.” “Your.” You spoke, a blush coming to your cheeks as you pointed down. “Your uhm.” “My cock, no.” Your blushing ferociously now. He glides a finger over your wet center and over your pearl, a soft moan escapes your lips. “Does that hurt you?” He ask.

“No, it feels good.”

“As do I.” With that he flips you both over so he is on top. His cock between your folds rubbing over your pearl. Your head falls back as you moan. He puts a head over your mouth.

“Shh, you don’t want the servants reporting back to your father.” You pull his hand from your mouth.

“Perhaps I do.”

“As you pointed out earlier I am married zaldritsos.”

“Uhg, don’t speak of her.”

“My bronzed bitch.” He leans down bring his lips to your ear. “I spoke the truth to you earlier. I’ve never laid with her, not how I am with you right now.”

“She’s truly never had you?”

“No.” He continues to thrust his cock between your folds never entering you. His lips connect with yours. Your tongues dance. You lay there in absolute bliss. After a long time he gets off of you and begins to fist his cock, you lay there and watch for a moment. The act so arousing. You get up behind him and placed your hand over his. He turns his head to look at you.

“Can I?” You speak up.

“No darling, lay down. I’ll be done soon.”

“I want to. I want to make you feel good.” You whisper hesitantly.

“These are whores tricks, you are my sweet girl. Not some whore.” He says. You begin to kiss down his neck.

“Please. Teach me.” That was all it took and he gave into you.

“Okay.” He released his hand and placed yours on his hard length. So much bigger than when you had seen it earlier. His hand covered yours as he had you pump him.

“Get on your knees infront of me.” You did as he said climb off the bed and getting on your knees for him.

“Use both your hands.” You did as he said, “oh yes. Good girl. Now lick the head.” You lick it once.

“No sweet girl. Keep licking, keep moving your tongue over it.” You did as he said pumping his length in your hands and giving the head the attention it craved. Daemon sat with his head back breathing heavy.

“You wanna swallow my seed? Hmm?” He asked you.

You let out a, “mhmm” with your lips.

“Okay, give me your hand.” You did as he said, he put two of your fingers in his mouth and began to suck up and down on them. You began to grow wetter.

“You’re going to do that on my cock. It’s okay not all fits your mouth, you can still use your hands.” You did as he said and released one of your hands and began to suck up and down on his length. “Breathe through your nose darling. Thats it. Good girl. My good girl.” You kept going and quickened your pace.

“It’s here sweet girl, get ready to swallow all of it okay.” He spoke in between his heavy breathing. You kept up your movements and eventually your mouth filled with a warm liquid. Some of it began to come out the sides of your mouth “try and swallow it, try.” And you did, you tried but it was all so overwhelming you removed your mouth from him and his seed went on to your face. The sight of his seed on your face made him release a bit more. He used his thumb to wipe off some of it and bringing it to your mouth. You swallowed what was on his fingers. He got up and grabbed a towel the maids had left behind. Cleaning your face first and then his cock. You both climbed into bed you laid there head on his chest. Your eyes widened and you sat up. “Am I with child?”

“Why do you think that sweet girl?”

“Your seed is my stomach. Babes grow in the stomach.”

“No, they grow in the womb.”

“The womb is in the belly.”

“Did your mother not tell you how she came to be with child all those times?”

“No.” You blushed and were about to cry, you had so much to learn and no mother to teach it. Daemon brushed away a small tear.

“It’s okay, I’ll teach you.”

“How babes are made?”

“You have your monthly bleeds correct? You’ve seen your mother push out babes?”

“Yes I bleed, but when my mother begins her labors I’m always by her head.”

“You bleed from your cunt. When a man inserts his cock inside you, and releases his seed in there you will grow a babe in your womb.”

“Oh. I understand. So, the marital act?”

“Yes?”

“Is it that?”

“Yes it is.”

“Does it hurt?”

“At first, but fucking can be a pleasure. Like how you brought me pleasure with your hands and mouth.”

“I understand.”

“Let’s sleep, we can discuss this further after sunrise.” You laid with your head on his chest tucked into his side. You couldn’t fight the needy feeling you felt between your legs. How wet you were. You tried to sleep but it was impossible. You looked up at Daemon who was sound asleep. Lips parted as he gently breathed. The sight of him so relaxed didn’t help what was between your legs.

“Daemon wake up.” You shook him awake.

“What’s wrong?” He mumbled.

“I can’t sleep.” You remarked.

“Such a shame. It’s quite nice.” He responds his eyes still closed.

“I feel funny.” You tell him.

“Funny how? We’ve slept in the same bed plenty of times. Oh no, I knew I shouldn’t have let you-“

“Im still wet from earlier.” You cut him off.

“Oh?” He opens one eye and looks at you.

“You need kepus to help you?” He remarks.

“Yes.”

“Let me think. I can’t take your maiden head.”

“Why not?”

“Because rinitsos, If you marry a cruel lord and you do not bleed for him on your wedding night, he may hurt you. I can’t have anyone hurting you. I think I know what might work.” He says filling the blankets of your bodies. “Open your legs.” He demands. He lowers himself. Eye level with your cunt. “7 hells you are wet. My poor girl, I was gonna make you go to sleep with all this between your legs. Not a very good Kepus of me.”

“Nope, bad Kepus.” He gives swift smack to your core at your remark. You gasp.

“Don’t start being bad, bad girls don’t get what I’m about to do for you.”

“I’ll be good.” You beg. With that he flattens his tongue lapping you up. His tongue goes between your folds and over your pearl. You’re a moaning mess already and he doesn’t bother to cover your mouth or give you something to cover your own mouth with. He loves hearing how free you are with him. The pleasure he’s bringing you. His tongue goes in and out of your cunt and his thumb rubs circles on your pearl.

“Please, please.” Your beg him. “Don’t stop.” You choke out. With that he shoves his tongue as deep as he can. Your cunt so tight he can feel it squeezing his tongue. He’s hard again imagining how it would feel around his cock. He’s now flicking and sucking your pearl with his mouth and using his smallest finger inside you. You’re a moaning mess for him. He can tell your about to peak by your cunt fluttering around his finger.

“I. I. Daemon-“ You’re cut off by your own release as you peak on his finger and tongue. Your shouting moaning mess as he devours every last drop and wipes his face on a fresh towel. He licks his fingers clean and uses a towel to wipe his hands.

“We are absolutely not returning to Kings landing now that I know you taste like that.”

“I taste good?” You asked.

“Absolutely. I’m addicted to it I’m afraid.” With that he pulls you in for a kiss and you can taste your self on his tongue. You pull away, “mmmm, I do taste good.” He gives a swift swat to your bottom. “Naughty girl. Only good girls get my tongue.” He smirks at you.

“I’ll be good. Your sweet girl.” The two of you go back to kissing and eventually fall asleep in each others arms.

Chapter 3

[skeletoninthemelonland]

It's 1am and i'm here thinking how messed up fnaf 3 really is

Here's what I mean: fnaf 1 does an incredible job at being eerie on the outside and traggic on the inside. It's the perfect ammount of it

Then there's fnaf 2 with its chaotic and overwhelming nature. There are just too many of them to handle at some point, which works incredibly well to make you feel tense and alert.

Then there's fnaf 3, with its silent first night. In a sense, fnaf 3 is infuriating because "these haunted animatronics keep coming back". The never-ending cycle. Kinda makes you feel a certain degree of impatience and annoyance. It makes you underestimate the situation.

But it stops being infuriating after you realize what — or who — you're actually dealing with. It becomes hopeless. It refuses to die. It refuses to die. It keeps refusing to die. It won't stop. It can't be defeated.

It stares at you, amused by your frustration. It's moving around, taunting you, laughing at your ugly face. It mocks you, infuriating you further, so much it's starting to become depressing. It purposely hides in the shadows, away from the cameras, whilist striving to have its presence noticed. What's wrong with it?

---

Springtrap (the character apart from William Afton) is terrifying, but not because of his jumpscare or because he was actually the murder this whole time. He's like a symbol of said hopelessness and dread. He moves around like HE is the trophy. He got exactly what he wanted, whether it was to be achieve literal immortality, or to become this lurking, dreadful memory permanently engraved in people's minds. He is the Yellow Rabbit, standing above it all. He was remembered — his victims were not.

And you're just another one added to the pile.

[bellaxgiornata]

In Search of Solace 1|: Breaking Down

Pairing: Michael Kinsella x baker!Fem!Reader Word Count: 3.3k [Series Masterlist]

Warnings/tags: 18+; depiction of seizures, depression, fluff, emotional hurt/comfort, friends to lovers, slow burn, smut

Summary: When Birdy witnesses him at his most vulnerable, Mikey finally loses it. After unloading the truth about how he can no longer continue down this path, Birdy promises to help him relocate to a town in the U.S. near Anna's new university–far away from the Kinsellas. But while Michael grapples with the man his family forced him to become, struggling to find peace in his new life, he's surprised when he finds his solace in you and your strange dog.

a/n: I've been sitting on this first part for months and finally decided to post it!! Feedback and reblogs are always appreciated!

Tag list: @danzer8705 @loves0phelia @sleepysleepymom

Michael shuffled his way carefully down the edge of the road between both drives, one hand braced against the cool stone of the fence that separated his house from what once had been Jimmy and Amanda’s house–though Jimmy had now long since moved out. He walked slowly, placing each foot deliberately in front of the other as he moved along the darkened street. The rough stone scratched against the palm of his hand as he rounded the corner of the fence, the sharp texture of it helping to keep him semi-alert as he tried not to lose his footing. 

Tonight had not remotely gone well. Michael had needed to leave the family meeting early, unable to sit through anymore of the arguing that had erupted between Jimmy and Amanda before that feeling had hit him. That unfortunately familiar feeling which he absolutely loathed and had no control over. A feeling he was grudgingly growing used to the more he experienced it.

Vision blurring as he began to make his way up his own drive, he watched as his front door swam in his sight, becoming nothing but a haze of shapes and color. Michael stuck a hand into his jacket pocket, his fingers feeling around for his house keys as he tried to hurry his pace, all of his senses steadily beginning to weaken with each step. A tremor had started in his right hand as he began to frantically grab at the keyring in his pocket, but his twitching fingers made it difficult for him to just grab the damn thing and pull it out of his jacket.

All he wanted right now was to make it inside his house before he collapsed on the pavement and had a seizure out in the open for anyone leaving the meeting next door to see. Besides Amanda having accidentally stumbled on him like this once quite a while back, no one else in his family knew about his seizures–and he wanted to keep things that way. The last damn thing he needed was anyone to look at him with pity in their eyes, as if he was weak or some sort of embarrassment. Like he was less than the man they'd all come to expect him to be.

As he neared his door, he felt his heart palpitating, the hammering of it wracking his chest so hard it was impossible to ignore. A sheen of sweat dampened his brow despite the chill of the night, the corner of his mouth beginning to dip downwards as the muscle twitched in his cheek. He wasn’t going to make it inside this time, he could already tell by how loud the ringing in his ears had grown. 

This was all because the family meeting tonight had been an absolute disaster. Jimmy and Amanda couldn’t agree on a damn thing as usual. They'd done nothing but fight in front of everyone the whole time, and somehow Michael had once more been dragged into the middle of the entire situation between them. All because he’d been so fucking stupid as to seek comfort in Amanda after what had happened months back with Molly. 

He should have never slept with Amanda–any of the times he had–despite her and Jimmy splitting up. But he hadn’t truly thought things through at the time, he had just been desperate to feel like someone cared about him for once in his life. And for a brief bit that's what he was able to pretend with her, that she cared about him, but after a while he couldn't pretend that any longer. And he hadn’t truly realized just how difficult his undefined relationship with Amanda would make everything farther down the road. Because now everything felt like it had long since become too much for Michael. 

Which was why he was now left resting a shoulder against his front door, trying to hold himself upright as the buzzing noise grew to an unbearable level in his ears while everything in his line of sight blurred to indecipherable shapes and a mass of colors before his eyes. It had taken him quite a few tries, but he’d finally managed to remove the keys from out of his pocket after many careful attempts. Unfortunately with the rough and jerky movements of his now trembling arm, the keys inevitably slipped from his fingers as he removed his hand from his coat. He felt the little circle of metal slip from his fingers, but he was entirely incapable of reacting in time. The keyring began its inevitable descent to the ground as a rush of helplessness crashed into Michael.

He’d meant to let out a curse when he'd felt the keys slip from his fingertips, but he could barely move his mouth. He didn’t have control over his body anymore, a gargled noise vibrating in his throat instead of the curse he'd meant to release, but all he could hear was the incessant buzzing noise in his damn ears as it remained at an unbearable volume. Michael’s eyes began to close partially as his body slumped further against the wall. His legs were quickly going numb as his arm began to shake more violently at his side. Then his entire body began to drop, absolutely nothing working like he was desperately willing it to. As he collapsed to the ground, he thought he heard a voice, but whether it was close or distant was indistinguishable. Everything besides that goddamn buzzing in his ears sounded like it was coming to him from beneath the surface of water now.

Part of him knew that he was laying there on the ground just before his front door. Somewhere in his mind he was aware of that. But for how long he lay there feeling like he was sinking down to the bottom of the ocean floor was unknown to Michael. He hated whenever these seizures happened, each time more terrifying than the last. He couldn’t hear anything. He couldn’t feel anything. He couldn’t really see anything as he lay there, either. It felt like an endless stretch of nothing that he was trapped inside, just hoping he’d somehow come back out of it, landing once more back into his body that he couldn't exactly feel at the moment. These seizures always felt like a waking nightmare to him.

After an undetermined length of time that felt like hours to Michael, the first thing he eventually became aware of was the pain in his back. It started off dull before it grew in intensity to something sharp and persistent. He must've fallen on it when he dropped to the ground and he found himself wondering what else he might’ve hurt this time with the way he'd fallen. After a few more seconds passed he realized his neck hurt, too. Though as more feeling gradually came back to him, he figured it was probably due to the angle his head must’ve landed in. 

Breaking through his thoughts as he steadily became aware of his body once more was the sound of a voice again. Gradually the ringing in his ears began to die down, but he swore he felt gentle hands on his face accompanying the voice. Blinking slowly and unevenly, Michael tried to focus his eyes on the mass of color swimming into view in front of himself, trying to make sense of what it was. Eventually the ringing in his ears dissipated as his vision gradually became less blurry. After some effort Michael was eventually able to realize who was there touching him and speaking to him.

“I'm right here with ya, Michael,” Birdy's panicked voice was saying. “Ya aren't alone, love. I've got ya. I'm here, Mikey.”

Michael opened his mouth, a garbled groan tumbling out of it. He heard Birdy immediately praise a higher power as her hands began running less frantically over his cheeks. The sight of her terrified face hovering just before his finally became clear, her blue eyes creased with worry as she studied his own face in return.

“Are ya alrigh’, pet?” Birdy asked him. 

Hesitantly Michael tried to push himself upright on shaky hands without answering, unsure if he even could properly speak yet. Embarrassment flooded him when Birdy's hands landed on his shoulders, carefully trying to help him into a sitting position before gently leaning his back against the front door behind him. He hadn't wanted anyone to find him like this.

“I saw ya run out of the meetin’ not lookin’ so grand,” Birdy explained, a hint of fear in her voice. “Followed after ya and saw ya just drop straight to the ground shakin’. What's goin’ on, pet? Is somethin’ wrong?”

Somehow a bitter breath of laughter passed his lips as Birdy lowered to sit on the pavement before him. Her dark brows only further drew together on her forehead at the noise, concern still clearly written on her features. 

“What isn’ wrong anymore, Birdy?” Michael shot, his words slurred together as he fought to make his tongue move.

“What d'ya mean, love?” she asked carefully.

Michael slowly shook his head, not wanting to elaborate any further. But with the way Birdy's eyes narrowed at him, he knew she wasn't about to drop it. Especially not after how she'd just found him.

“Talk to me, Michael,” she nearly demanded. “What's goin’ on with ya? What aren't ya tellin’ me?”

“Don't wanna talk ‘bout it, Birdy,” he warned, his tongue moving a little easier this time.

Birdy's lips thinned on her face, her eyes suddenly narrowing into a look of determination that Michael knew all too well. She wasn't letting this go. 

“Let's get ya inside, Mikey, pet,” she said, carefully wrapping one of his arms around her shoulders while her other hand snatched the keyring he had dropped from off the ground.“Then we're goin’ to talk ‘bout whatever is goin’ on with ya. And ya know I'm not takin’ silence as an answer.”

Michael sighed, struggling to rise up onto his feet even with Birdy's help. His body felt like lead, his limbs feeling heavier to move than usual. His mind still felt sluggish as he carefully rose to his feet, briefly swaying unsteadily on them while Birdy tried to support his weight and keep the pair of them from tumbling backwards. When he'd finally regained his balance, she shifted them closer to his front door before unlocking and opening it. 

Moving slow and cautious, she helped lead him over the threshold and inside his house. She paused briefly, closing the door with one hand behind them softly before awkwardly continuing to maneuver the pair of them down his narrow hall and towards the sitting room without bothering to remove either of their shoes. 

Once they'd reached his sofa, she lowered him down onto the cushions before sinking into the space beside him. Michael's eyes remained fixed on his hands in his lap, something like shame burning in his gut under her stare which he could feel boring into the side of his face. This was exactly what he'd hoped to avoid tonight when he'd left the meeting. That expression of pity he knew was on Birdy's face without even looking at her. He could just feel it.

“What was that, Michael?” she tried again, voice softer. “Outside when I found ya on the ground shakin’ like that?”

Gritting his teeth together, he kept his focus on his hands. If he didn't answer her, he feared that she might just go telling someone else in the family what had happened, and he absolutely didn't want that. So unfortunately now it felt like he didn't exactly have a choice but to tell her the truth.

“I have epilepsy,” he grudgingly confessed. “On occasion I have seizures.”

Birdy made a faint noise of surprise beside him, shifting further towards him on the sofa.

“Since when?” she asked. “I've practically raised ya since ya were a boy and I've never seen that happen before.”

Michael ran a hand over his forehead, his fingers running over the sweat that had accumulated on his brow not that long ago. “Started when I was in prison,” he admitted. “Gotten worse afterwards with the stress of everythin’.”

“Stress?” Birdy asked in confusion. “What stress? Ya always seemed fine when I saw ya, pet.”

Her words had caused something inside of him to abruptly snap, his carefully crafted calm having finally reached its limits after years of being stretched thin. He felt his anger rise straight to the surface as his head spun towards Birdy, noticing how her eyes grew wide in surprise and even fright at the expression on his face. 

“Ya thought I was fine?” Michael spat. “Are ya fuckin’ jokin’ me? I was released from prison to move straight back into the house where my wife died, Birdy!” He flung a hand sharply towards the fireplace across the room from them. “The goddamn hole from the bullet that killed her is still right fuckin’ there! Every goddamn time I come home it's always right there! Fuck, I was barely released from prison a few days before Jamie was killed! My own goddamn son!”

Birdy's eyes grew even wider, her body going stiff on the sofa beside him as she held her breath. But now that the words had started to come, he couldn't seem to get them to stop.

“Not a damned one o’ ya even thought to check in on me after he died right in front o' me,” he continued to rage on, feeling hot tears of grief and anger burning at his eyes. “He was mine, too, but none o’ ya gave a damn ‘bout how I felt! No,” he said, shaking his head roughly and ignoring the pain in it as he did. “All I was good for was clippin’ Jamie's killer for Amanda and Jimmy and puttin’ a damn target on all o’ our backs for doin’ it. And then Amanda still had the fuckin’ audacity to come at me after the fact ‘bout Jamie, makin’ me feel like an asshole for not openly claimin’ him as my son after all these years when she's the one who chose Jimmy over me to begin with! The hell else was I s'posed to do? Ruin my brother's fuckin’ marriage completely?”

Michael could feel the tears beginning to sneak their way out of the corner of his eyes, his fury fast giving way to that feeling he always had whenever he eventually made his way back home at night after a job. That feeling of resignation and defeat at the situation he felt trapped inside. The situation his family had somehow forced him into and had made his life. Something he'd never felt he'd had a choice in. Beside him, he noticed the expression on Birdy's face soften as she listened to him.

“All I wanted,” he continued, voice filled with far less fire, “was to come back home and have a relationship with Anna. I just wanted my daughter, Birdy. That's all. Just wanted a normal job and the chance to raise my girl. But the lot o’ ya couldn't even let me fuckin’ have that. No, ya needed me to keep doin’ yer dirty work. Pushin’ me into it and makin’ things fuckin’ worse for me and my chances at gettin’ Anna back. And don't–” he began, shaking his head again as warm tears spilled down his cheeks, “–don't get me started on Bren and all the shit that happened when he was released. Shoulda fuckin’ killed him myself the day he was let outta prison. He wasn't much of a father to begin with and he should've never gone near Anna.”

“Yer right,” Birdy quietly agreed. “He shouldn't have.”

Hesitantly she reached a hand out, lightly grasping one of Michael’s and giving it a gentle squeeze. His eyes dropped down to their joined hands, a frown pulling his lips downwards. 

“I didn't know ya felt this way,” she continued softly. “I'm sorry, love. I–I should've known. Ya just always seemed so put together, I never realized ya weren't doin’ alright.”

“Used to use the gear and booze to handle it all,” he admitted quietly. “That's what I did before. To deal with the stress of everythin’. But those all trigger the seizures now.”

Michael's face twisted in pain and he quickly ducked his head, trying to hide from Birdy. Her arms were soon wrapping around his shoulders though, pulling him in towards herself. Hands rising up, he soon buried his face in them, his teeth clamping down so hard on his bottom lip to muffle the sound of a distressed sob that he almost drew blood.

“This isn’ what ya want, is it, Michael?” she asked gently. “This life?”

“No,” he choked out, shaking his head from its place buried in his hands. “No, I hate it. I hate everythin’ ‘bout it. I can’t–can’t keep doin’ it anymore. The killin’ and the drug pushin’. Worryin’ if things I do are goin’ to land back on Anna. If I'm goin’ to get her killed just like–just like her mother.”

Birdy sighed, one of her hands beginning to soothingly rub Michael’s back as he exhaled a deep, shuddering breath. The moment felt oddly reminiscent of the times she used to comfort him when he was a kid and he'd come to her with something Bren had done. 

“Ya need to get out, sounds like,” she murmured. 

A bitter laugh broke out between Michael's tears. Pulling his face from out of his hands, he glanced up at Birdy beside him, a dark, mirthless smile on his mouth.

“That'll never happen and ya know it, Birdy,” he told her. “They'd never let me just walk away.”

Birdy's eyes hardened as she held his gaze, her lips thinning along her face. “I helped yer mother and sister get away from Bren, didn't I?” she reminded him. “Ya don't think I can handle the others? Get them to leave ya outta all this?”

“That was different,” Michael pointed out, shaking his head. “They rely on me too much. Need me too much.”

“They can rely on someone else then,” Birdy stated sharply. “Because if ya want out, Mikey, I swear to ya I can get ya out before the end o’ the week. Ya hear me? I'll get ya out if that's what ya want.” Her expression softened, something like guilt flashing in her eyes. “Maybe I should've gotten Jimmy and ya out years ago ‘stead of selfishly keeping the both o’ ya here.”

Hope sparked in Michael's chest at her offer, the hope of a way out of this life that he'd never had a say in to begin with. The life that was breaking him down to nothing, slowly killing him from the inside out with all the shame and guilt and pain and disgust he buried deep down inside of himself and pretended wasn't there.

A small, sad smile reached his lips as he focused on Birdy beside him. Her hand was still comfortingly rubbing his back, a small smile forming on her mouth.

“Ya would do that for me?” he asked, almost too afraid to believe it was possible.

Birdy's hand on his back patted him firmly, a fiercely determined look in her eyes. “I'll get Anna and ya both outta here, Mikey. Just leave the Kinsellas to me,” she answered. “I'll deal with the lot o’ them. Then ya can go make yer own life for once, Mikey, love. Whatever ya want it to be. If that's what ya'd like. Far, far from here.” 

A small, watery smile slipped across Michael's lips. He nodded gently in response. “I'd like that,” he confessed softly. “I'd like that a lot.”

[hattersarts]

gomens s2 thoughts, all spoilers!

I spent 10 hours talking to my housemate about the season after we binged the whole thing in the morning but here are the highlights and the biggest takeaways from the season.

okay i did love the ending, i love that we get the conformation of love AND going into the divorce arc next season (if they're not properly together by the end of season 3 however, i am rioting) they're slow burn and a whole season of them getting to the final 10mins was tasty.

HOWEVER. it was an extremely clunky season when it comes to writing, lots of either set ups missed OR set ups repeated 4 times that they're drilled into out heads. there was also lots of dialogue that really needed to be tightened up. the lesbians were so poorly written i thought they might have needed to be cut BUT they just needed to have more bearing on the rest of the plot AND say things like real people would say things and LITERALLY SHOW ONE SINGLE REASON WHY THEY WOULD LIKE EACH OTHER WITHIN THE FIRST EPISODE.

gabe/bulz romance was the one that should have been cut, have them do more of a oh-my-god-my-boss-sucks kind of thing, lean into them complaining about having to avert a civil war after armageddon stopped and touch on the "structural problems" the angels mention later. Have gabe/bulz be super punished for working together which puts huge fear into az and crowley about what happens if you try to team up as an angel/demon pair (but an extra reason why az takes the job at the end so he and crowley can be the same)

imo it works more if the only mirror of their romance is the HUMANS which should lean into themes to season 3 of how they need to team up with humans (re:"us vs them" line at the end of season 1) to actually achieve their happy ending.

Nina and maggies best scene was their last one telling crowley he needed to talk to az but i think that was one that needed to be cut, it would have been far more satisfying to have crowely work out it out himself that he loves az and wants to tell him (still via maggie and nina but more subtle rather than them telling him to his face AND via spending more time with az in the season)

flashbacks were all pretty good, loved the jobe one and that final "lonely" scene. the nazi one needed some trimming the most (why did all three come back to earth, it made scenes too crowed, have them fight to be a zombie)

shax was disappointing, she was kind of just incompetent the whole way through which didnt make the stakes very exciting, (that whole scene of her talking to the legion was unfunny and pointless) i wanted crowley to mentor her more like when he gave her advice in the first few meetings we saw (kind of in a very non-demonic way, not expecting anything in return) and her to then meet him on equal footing in the finale. would have been a little accidental taste for Crowley to have his good deeds come back to haunt him while showing he's different to demons.

speaking of the finale fight, that halo had NO set up, it was sick as hell but ??? the fuck did that come from. the fight should have been won by az and crowley performing another HUGE miracle together, discorporating the demons (which then would alert heaven and hell something was up in the bookshop and the final scene can happen)

az taking the job from metatron was very good, its consistent with his character where he still hasn't let go of his faith in good/god, he's only been upset by the angels running heaven and still has faith in the system while crowley has realised none of it works and it's only them together that matters. it was nice to show he still hasn't truly accepted crowley for who he is now (tho imo he knows he loves him, he just hasn't quite unrepressed himself) and him not turning down the job after crowley confesses to him shows he still thinks he can fix it. Crowley on the other hand thinks he's now lost him, az has broken he the trust he had in him, he's going to be in big depression mode

few thoughts of good directions for S3:

finally delivering on what crowley said at the end of S1 I think is the most satisfying. the final showdown should be humans Vs heaven/hell with Crowley and az on the human side, helping them win the conflict. there would be suggestions that this is actually god's ineffable plan, this is a conflict she wants to happen and the things that Crowley and az went through are what make them perfect ambassadors to help the humans.

the set up for az in S3 to finally work out he and Crowley can't work out within the unfair rules of the system and for him to abandon heaven (tho not I think, becoming a demon) is good. a sucky ending imo for season 3 is if az somehow "fixes" heaven and via bureaucracy and not via blowing it all up.

growth moments for Crowley in S3 might be having more contact with humans since he's already abandoned hell and it would put az & crowley on similar footing (as az very much loves humans already) when they decided to side with humans for a humans Vs heaven/hell conflict.

anyway, gay people

[maitanii]

[BONTEN HEADCANONS]

AN: I love Bonten, and I wish we could have had more info about the organization. But I know how sad it must have been to everyone there. They were empty and no one accomplished their dreams. These are just my thoughts and headcanons about them <3

my masterlist!

- Ran doesn't sleep as much as he used to. In fact, he usually sleeps around 3 or 4 hours per night. The slightest sound makes his body be on full alert mode. The first thing he does when he wakes up is text Rindou.

- Kokonoi doesn't sleep. He can't. Sanzu gave him some pills so he could just take a nap for 1 hour but he refused. His nightmares are way too real and he knows if he closes his eyes, he will have one again.

- Rindou lives under Ran's apartment. They both decided that they wanted independence but still keeping the security of being close to each other. At first he thought that it was the best thing ever, but after getting inside of Bonten... it wasn't that great. (he sleeps in Ran's couch from time to time).

- Kakucho's apartment is completely empty. He doesn't need any decoration or extra furniture. His futon, a bathroom and a kitchen is all he needs. He doesn't even know who he is anymore, why decorate a bunch of white walls?

- Kokonoi lives close to a shop called D&D motors. What a coincidence.

- I said it before but Mochi is the only executive I can picture marrying someone (maybe it's because I don't know too much about him). He lives with his wife in a penthouse full of security cameras. Sometimes he can sense the sadness in his partner's eyes and thinks about leaving them so they can live a happy life. But now, they're fully into the criminal path in life, and there's no turning back. They know who they are.

- Sanzu doesn't have a daiy routine. Most of his days are a blur and he's only conscious after he kills someone. And its not because he's high all time, but because he disassociates a lot from reality. Sometimes he can't distinguish if something happens in real life or if it was all in his mind. Mikey slaps him in the face when he sees that he's not here, and Rindou brings him a glass of water and something to eat.

- Aside from Mochi, they don't have a love life. Sure they have fallen love or had a crush, but at the end of the day, they're still the same guys who have a sense of loyalty and will to protect who they love. So they chose to not commit to anyone. It's better that way.

- Rindou shared some nights with a woman some 5 years younger than him. She used to make him food and offer him to take some leftovers when he left. He realized he fell in love when he spent a whole night at her place cuddling and watching movies. He finally felt the same joy he did when he was 17. So after he left her apartment the next morning, he broke his phone so she wouldn't contact him again. And he never turned back.

- Kakucho used to frequent a bar in Tokyo because he had business to do with some big guys who owned the place. It was all going according to the plan. But then he saw a waitress being harassed by a man while he was having a conversation and he lost all the concentration. Excusing himself from the table, he went straight to the man and punched him in the face. The girl looked at him with teary eyes and thanked him a thousand times. After he returned to the table, he gave some extra money to the owners of the bar so they can free that girl from the job. He left the place after making the deal that Mikey ordered to him and never returned.

- Ran fell in love with a single mother and the moment he met her kid, he knew it was over. Either he left in that moment, or he stayed with them (and made their lives more complicated). He left an insanely amount of cash with them to pay everything until the kid was 18 and never looked back. Sometimes he lies awake at night wondering about what could have been.

- I'm sorry but Mikey is a virgin. I can't picture him having a high libido while being in such a depressing state.

- Sanzu... he's complicated. Sure he hooks up with some random people from time to time but he thinks he has never fallen in love. And if he did, he wasn't aware that was love.

- Kokonoi only sleeps with blond people. He searches for someone that's not here anymore, but maybe if he drinks more wine, he'll be able to see her face and hear her voice again.

- About their accidents and close to death experiences, they all care about each other in some kind of level. Mikey made clear that their interests come first, but they can't help it. So when someone is shot, even if they have to continue the mission, they know better than to leave them to die. (I don't think this applies to Takeomi tho)

- Rindou was once shot twice while he was on a mission with Kakucho and Kokonoi. They both knew they couldn't leave him to die. Kakucho threw his body over his shoulder and ran to the car while Kokonoi made sure no one was following them. They don't know how they did it, but Rindou arrived alive to the headquarters. Ran didn't speak that night. After he made sure Rindou will be okay, he went to see Kakucho and Koko and bowed his body as low as he could.

[secretress]

❝𝐏𝐀𝐂: 𝐈 𝐝𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐦𝐲𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟, 𝐈’𝐦 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐡𝐲 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐚𝐝𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐦𝐲𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐭𝐨𝐨 𝐦𝐮𝐜𝐡 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚 𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐲.❞

Your higher self, love letter to you

YouTube | Masterlist | 18+ readings

Tips | Paid Readings

Not a tarot card reading, only based on my intuition.

Credit | Divider

Pile 1:

Stop being lazy

It has been a while since you took care of yourself, correct? Why do you keep scrolling on useless videos using social media? Do you honestly think this is the life you deserve? Get off you’re a*ss and do something with your life. get to the life I am in at the moment, because I don’t wanna deal with your sh*t. Listen, princess, I don’t care that you’re lazy right now, I was the same and I got where I am at, so do the same because I AM YOU.

Get off that phone right now, hell you can stop reading the message, I don’t care, but go do something with your life. I know you wanted to start that job that you keep procrastinating to sign, go sign it for the love of christ. Off you go and sign it, I can’t deal with your moping cr*ap right now.

Sure, sure, you might think I’m being a d*ck about it, but guess what? I wish I had the same energy that I am giving to you right now because it was a lot harder for me than it is for you right now. I went through all that sweat, all those pains to get where I am so STOP WISHING FOR IT AND GET YOU’RE A*SS OFF THE BLOODY PHONE AND FIX YOUR LIFE.

Now that I have your attention and have reduced all that bent up anger, let's start off with the real letter. This will be short and simple, pure honesty and bluntness. I don’t care if you’re complaining about me, so suck it up and listen to me.

You can’t let other people’s opinion affect you like it affected me and stalled my process. If you truly think about it, at the end of the day, we all die, time is short, yes it feels long and depressing at times, but in a blink of an eye, and you will be old. Can you truly keep up with being lazy and doing nothing in your life? that feels like the best choice doesn’t it because it is easier, but it is not. It is hurting you tremendously.

Start being yourself because you need to. This is no buts, start now, please.. at least for me if you can’t do it. I want to see you thrive and find the happiness you are getting. Start it now so you get it faster than me, don’t you want to see yourself smiling genuinely again without faking your personality for the likes of others? Don’t you want to have a picnic like when we were a kid without a care in the world, don’t you want to go back to being the same free spirited kid we once were? How about reading out in the grass and looking at the clouds past us and how we were always so fascinated? Let’s go back to that because this is the life we deserve and.. you know what? Spoiler alert! You get the desired best friend you have been manifesting for.. so, change now, come and see me and be happy. Okay? Okay.. see you then and I love love love love.. (x2) you so much..!

Pile 2:

I am so proud of you! ❤️❤️

Hello, hi, love, I hope you’re doing, please be okay. I am very happy at where we are right now, thank you so much for improving yourself for me and getting where we are right now. You and I have been through such a journey, and I find it amazing because we have been through so much.. too much. Too much pain from our toxic childhood.. but I want you to know that I love you dearly and I am so incredibly proud of you and us, thank you for working hard and being there for us when no one else was and thank you for not ridiculing our past self anymore. You’re doing an amazing job and soon we will meet..

Till then, I am watching you with the biggest smile and cheering you on because in reality.. we aren’t broken souls anymore.. we have many people surrounding us and love us for us.. so no more faking it, it’s.. It’s just so beautiful and I’m just so happy to see us smiling for real this time.

- Your lovely you in the future, my sweets <3

Pile 3:

You are worthy, we are strong. Ily.

Please don't go back to them, they aren't worth your time. You care about yourself .. right? You always say you love yourself but then have the audacity to go back to the ONE PERSON, who f*cks you over until you sob your heart out so please stop. You know they aren't worth it, sweetpea so you can't go back. Would you let them be near our younger self? Hell, you wouldn't nor would you even have them as a lover, i know why you're doing this—and it wasn't your fault. That trauma they put us through WASN'T OUR FAULT. We didn't deserve to be beaten all the time, and we don't deserve someone who does that to us in a relationship.

I can't see you do this anymore to us, we deserve the world, we deserve to have everything blossom for us.. We deserve happiness, sunshine following us and letting us know we are the prettiest and so worthy. We deserve someone who treats us with respect and respects our boundaries.. Not someone who uses us for their pleasure.. You know you wouldn't let them do that to us when we were teenagers again until it happened.. We never deserved what they did to us.. So leave them at once.. It is not worth it and their manipulation.. Don't you want to see us smiling like an idiot over something simple again? Being our goofy self because why not? Being that class clown that we used to be, making others smile, yeah sure, BUT MAKING ourselves happy was really the goal. We all know that.

You know I used to think like you as you are right now, that what we had done to us was a lesson and it had to happen because god said so but.. No.. we didnt deserve that sh//t. We weren't their toy to be used for pleasure and we didn't need to protect them because people told us it won't ruin their future.. f//ck their future, okay? It ruined us but not anymore.. I got stronger and more amazing and so will you. All we have to do is know it wasn't our fault and we didn't deserve what happened to us. We are a beautiful soul and we are no longer under their shadow. We are amazing.. Absolutely amazing.. Do you understand? Please know I am here watching you and fighting for you, and you will always have me to be there for you.. My pretty angel.

It wasn't your fault, it was THEIRS. I am with you, you're a fighter and so am I. We will fight this together, just you and I. From you.

(This pile crushed my absolute heart into pieces, I had tears channeling this. Your higher self is there for you but so am I, my dms are open for you to vent. I am here for you, my sweets. And I'll kick their bottom too).