#Delwina

[widespot]

Edwin and Delwina do get out of the house. It's only to the library, but what better destination could there be, really? Edwin thinks he could pick up some much-needed cash if he went busking at the park, but then who would keep an eye on Delwina?

Roxanne grows up all nice and neat and taking after her mother, at least in the nose department.

"Get used to this, honey. Learning is a lifelong thing and this is the first and most important lesson."

Ednah takes a wee bit longer. Edwin sure hopes she's not got any development issues.

"There we go! Whee!"

"Mommy is going to hate that outfit, but she'll survive it. And what a beautiful nose you have!"

[penig]

"Yeah, see, nothing to be scared of here! Hey, you're already almost too big for the sink. We'll have to use the tub next time - that'll be an adventure!"

"Rather than discontinuing this version, I suggest that we continue to support it alongside the new platform. The two games are so different, both in programming and play experience, that the market can easily handle both, and even if we do no more significant expansions, releasing new cosmetic content periodically would generate a new income stream at little expense in labor - in fact, such work would be the ideal environment in which to train new programmers."

Edwin's not certain he'll ever get his sleep schedule back on track. But being up at weird hours has compensations. He heard Dixie's brother-in-law got abducted. Not pregnant, though - too old. What must that be like? The experience was wasted on an old jock like that.

"Mommy's going in to work today, but don't worry - Daddy can handle it, and I'll be with you right up to the moment I leave."

[widespot]

Sharpe

"Stupid babies better not chew up my blocks when they get big!"

"Hush, now, Ednah, your daddy's finally gotten to sleep and we don't want to wake him."

"He can't feed you as well as I can, anyhow."

"Do you want to have Roxy or anybody over for the birthday?" "I don't want to have to get the house fit for company." "Roxy isn't company, exactly. Are you sure you're okay, Ed?" "How many time do I have to say I'm fine?" Until you sound convincing, thinks Delilah. "I'm going to stay home today. Maybe you and Delwina can get out and have a little fun."

"Aiken's gonna be big soon but I think he'll still let me sit with him on the bus." "If he doesn't, you'll just have to make a different friend." Like he knows anything about it!

"You like me better than the babies, don't you? I wish I didn't have to sleep in the same room as them."

[widespot]

"Ed, what on earth -?" "Wrong element! Fire, fire!" "Well why are you just standing there? Where's the extinguisher?"

Fortunately the local firefighters are very prompt and efficient.

"Well. At least any bacteria they were harboring is dead."

"I think I'm gonna take off, y'all. G'night." "Night, Jace. Stethoscopes are designed to listen to people's insides, but they magnify any sound. You can use them to listen to plants!"

"Are you feeling all right, Ed?" "I'm fine. What makes you think I'm not fine?" "You know there's flu going around." "I do not have flu! I do not get out of the house enough to catch flu!"

Ed doesn't know what's the matter with him. What makes Delilah think there's something the matter with him? Why does everything have to be yellow?

Unable to sleep, Ed stays up all night binging a series about a mad scientist. Delilah works again tomorrow, unless she stays home for the twins' birthday.

[widespot]

Daddy's acting weird. Is food supposed to taste like this? It seems like a design flaw.

"Stupid babies take up everybody's time but ours, Points! Never mind, I've got you and you've got me and we can have fun together."

"Oh no! The feather is attacking!"

"If Daddy's just gonna stand there staring at the crib I guess I gotta do the cleaning up myself!"

"Oh, hey! What a great trick I invented!"

Edwin is vaguely aware of his oldest daughter bustling around; he knows he intends to pick up Ednah; and yet, he can't seem to move. Where's Delilah? Oh, right, at work. It's easy, just bend over and pick up Ednah -

"Oh, thank plumbob, Delilah's home!" Ed doesn't know what's wrong with him. He never had a problem like this when Delwina was little.

[widespot]

Sharpe

Though twins are more than she bargained for, Delilah's pretty satisfied with her life at the moment. All the needs are met, she's busy, she's productive, she has a beautiful family, and plans - so much to look forward to, so little to regret!

Aiken showed Delwina how to use her oven, but her first attempts to feed herself are disappointing. Aiken says it's just a matter of practice. She's sure not waiting around for Daddy to feed her. He won't stop staring at the stupid babies.

Like Mommy, she has plenty to do. She's a artist!

"I know, Roxanne, but Mommy can't be expected to feed both of you at the same time even when she's at home."

"Mommy, do you think the babies can survive for a little while you help me with my school project?" "Of course they will! What've you got?"

"Oh, I see! You remember what a noun is?"

[widespot]

Childhood is exhausting, and not quite as liberating as Delwina had hoped it would be.

"So my Aunt Delta made dean's list. Aunt Dixie says she's gonna be a summa for sure." "You must be very proud." "Oh, we are. Aunt Delta's gonna be an oceanogaffer and save all the whales and otters and things."

[widespot]

Congratulations, you will never see your oldest child.

"Wow, that is way too many kids in one family."

"You gonna teach Delwina to do that?" "Sure."

"And that's why pink particularly evokes the feminine in our culture."

Edwin, desperate, snatches a moment to see a particularly bright Simpiter before he heads down to The Corner Store.

[widespot]

Delwina is overwhelmed by the whole school thing. But this nice boy has been showing her the ropes.

"Hi, kid. Who are you and why are you using Delwina's toy oven?" "Aiken Hart. I'm using it 'cause I know how and it's rude to root around in other people's fridges."

"Whee - oh dear! You feel better now?" "Giggle giggle!"

Delwina has inherited her mother's artistic streak, and her both of her parents' tendency to forget about other people.

Fortunately, Aiken is a self-sufficient visitor. "Kitties are so great!"

"Poor Hippy Bear, all alone by yourself! Never mind, I'm here now. And someday the babies will come out of the cribs and play with you."

"You wanna play Mary Mack?" "Is that even really a game?"

"So then Mommy came out of the bathroom holding Roxanne and said 'I'm not done yet!'"

"Okay, but I don't see how paper wrapping up rock beats it."

[widespot]

"We don't have to do homework tonight. Too many birthdays." "That's not how it works." "Well, it's just going to have to."

"You're not wrong, robotics would be fascinating to study. I'm pretty sure giant mecha are impractical, though."

"So, you want to play rock-paper-scissors?" "That's a silly game."

Rosalind brought Delwina Sharpe home with her for Flavia's birthday, but she's kind of hard to entertain. "So they get an order for fiftyteen gallons of baby oil, but they don't know where to find that many babies -"

"Mom says maybe we could get a violin."

[widespot]

"Ed -" "Give her here, honey, before your bladder busts." "Um, that's - not what's next -"

"You're kidding." "I wish I were!"

"Another girl." "I'm calling mine Roxanne. What's yours?" "Ednah!"

"We're gonna need a bigger house." "We'll discuss it after my bathroom break."

They are not prepared for this, so while Ednah lolls in the crib, Roxanne has to make do with the bouncy chair.

All thoughts of a second story are abandoned in favor of a hasty remake of the garage into a gigantic nursery. "On the bright side, Mommy gets the old room for a study. I'll have to change the wallpaper in there, though."

[widespot]

"So the architect thinks it would be simple to finish out the attic like Notes did, but Grace says it's always cold in the winter and hot in the summer up there. I'd rather raise the roof, but the cost -" "Spring and the baby are almost here, we should make our minds up soon. Delwina can have a bed in our room when she's a little bigger, but that's not a viable long-term arrangement."

"C'mon, Del, you've got to walk like a big girl when you're a big sister."

Delwina has never heard the word "party," so she doesn't mind that no one's around to see her grow up. She's just glad Aunt Roxie gave her this cool red robe to break up all the yellow.

"Yay! I'm a big girl!"

"Good for you, starting right in cooking for yourself." "Um…is it supposed to smell like that?" "Not really, but keep at it. Practice makes perfect."

When Daddy takes her out to buy school clothes, Delwina discovers ice cream! Yum!

"You didn't let her spoil her dinner, did you?" "What could spoil a dinner of fishsticks and vegetables shaped into houses?"

"No, no, no, kiddo, let me pee first!"

[widespot]

Sharpe, Edwin & Delilah

"Oh, crap! We never got a fire alarm!"

"WAAAAAAA!" "Del, stay in the bathroom!" "What? With Delwina out there?"

"Del, for pity's sake -" "I'm fine, I soaked my smock."

[widespot]

Delilah gave a lift to her co-worker Jace, who lives in the high rises out back, and they got into a very fruitful discussion of an animation problem in the Secondary Sci Fi franchise. So of course she invites him in to continue it.

"Didn't you hear them crying?" "I did, but - you've got them, anyway." "I've got this one. You can get that one." Even Jace picked up Ednah. It's not hard!

And now he can't put her down, but that's all right. That beats the alternative. It doesn't interfere with his talking to Jace at all, and he's been dying for some adult conversation all day.

"A vegetable garden will be very educational for Delwina."

[widespot]

Sharpe

"You and Edna are gonna have to share the changing table, hon, so try not to synch too tight."

"Fishstick-and-vegetable houses aren't as nice a day later." "There's no time to go to the market before you have to go to work, but I'll go tonight after you get home. Meanwhile - we've got plenty of bottles for the babies, at least."

Delilah goes to work and Edwin snatches a nap while the twins are quiet and Delwina's at school.

[widespot]

Part of being perfect is taking responsibility for feeding himself and guests.

Is this mac and cheese supposed to be that color?

"So you're, what, the canary?" "First, no, I'm not in the band, I edit home videos. Second, what decade are you from, kid?"

"Well, yeah, I can see how twins are too many but I am not taking one of them, Delwina, just forget it."

"So you always hang out in your undies or just around girls you really like?" "Um?" "I'm not saying I mind."

"Sorry to ditch you for homework, but - if I don't keep my grades up I might not be able to stay, you know?" "I know! Grandma Faith and Grandpa Herbert are sticklers about it. Social services doesn't know what's important."

"You better head out. The last buses are lining up." "Oh, all right. But next time you show me your studio, rock star."

He's not a rock star…but it's for the band that Jonah invited him to stay…he's gotta stay on top of that, too.