#Dees dating woes

[sebsrainbowbicycle]

Do we think that someone messaging me on a dating app saying “hi baby (my estranged mothers first name)” is a sign that I need to delete them all and resign myself to being single forever?

[gayspock]

i wrote this thinking i'd seen the worst of the episode. goodness gracious me....

SORRY MY READ MORE DIDNTWORK

so heres the thing yeah

ive been wanting more civilian content. however with this ep i feel like... whenever bsg does actually DO try to do it... i dont like it. LOL.

granted, its not often enough for me to really make a call on it ubt like- i dont know. im thinking of this instance, and the other instances they've involved civilian issues and like... i just have always kinda not vibed with it and..

honestly? you KNOW what i think it might be. i think it might be a case of like... i just feel like the show itself ironically has a bit of a disdain for them. do you know what i mean? i feel like when we do get to see the civilian side of things, its always as either as an a) aside to the main show or b) an inconvenience, and rarely an interesting one - not something it actually wants to explore in much depth. all the people that show up are kind of weird caricatures. the problems they bring up are kind of belittled - and not just by ppl like tigh, but kind of written off by the show itself.

which again- i call ironic because half the time theyre trying to emphasise the importance of the civilian fleet and their rights. but like... the show doesnt really take them that seriously? or present them as such???? like i think zarek is also kind of like the bigger example im thinking of here, and one of the weaker parts of the show. he's pretty much representative of all of the issues with them.

though granted OMG that- that fr sounds like im being negative as hell but gosh it might just be this episode because real talk i havent rlly actively disliked any (i found that one where ellen was introduced weird, but i didnt hate it) but oh this one sucks LOL

and again going back to that thing i said- its not even about the damn civilians. this is like.... all about apollo, really?? and going on a little side quest with him that hardly makes sense?? and can i be real? i dont HATE him i dont but like... i just dont give a shit about him. LOL. SORRY. i think i liked him in the miniseries but since then i havent really cared. he's boring me. and shit- i thought maybe, after he was vented into space, i might kind of develop an interest in him as he struggled with the fallout from that but like uhm

no ... sorry...... this is not how you endear me to him. LOL.

like what even is this... why are we giving him all these women to screw & screw over... i dont care.... and again this whole civilian plot is stupid as helllllll... like. i BELIEVE fully there's horrible shit going on in the civilian fleet- and i wanna see it properly, and explore that not like.. go on some weird murder mystery, involved with the mob... 😭and why did you kill the other pegasus bloke. i kinda liked him . THIS IS SUCH A SHAME I USUALLY LOVE IT WHEN A SHOW LIKE THIS TRIES TO GENREBEND . AND AGAIN WHY IS LEE EVEN THE ONE DOING THIS HELP THIS IS SO MESSY

especiaalllyyyy with the dodgy attempts at flash forward/flash backwards and the filters. sorry i HATE poorly used flash sequences like that - they for real give me the ick... theyre sooo clumsy even normally but here it's like 100x worse bc half of them are about nothinggggggggggg .... stop trying to be cleverrr come on you dont have to do that. kiss me instead?

bu tbh i feel like bsg might just not have the flexibility to genre bend like this. going back to that other episode i didnt like (tigh me up, tigh me down? i think?) i remember i felt like they were trying to be funny but it just came off as weird LOL and poorly done

and thats fine tbh it doesnt have to beit can just do what it does best and do it well but omg help... guyyssssss, get a grip!

anyway im gonna go finih the spidoe i just couldnt not say anything help. honestly. i cant even fault it though because like this is the first one i havent rlly liked at all . and tbh most other shows ive watched will have a load of clunkers so eh. shrug.

i will say i do hope they properly explore lee more after this bc like i said i was kinda interested in really honing in his mental state so we can get #real with the guy but i also hope we dont have to carry too much of whatever the hell else is going on here forward bc its like i dont careeee about his women why on earth

like also yeah why on earth has none of this ever come up like ok granted we dont just sit everyone down and chat like that but it just feels weird like im not talking abt his sudden shift in attitude like fuck.again i'd be ok with them exploring like. onset depression or whateber the issues are post being vented from the blackbird .BUT his girlies im so confused like if he has such a significant relationship whys it just never...... ok whatever....... ok

[themostsanebug]

hey hi i was planning on sharing this to dsaf confessions but since. that place is where drama DWELLS in the fandom i will not be doin so and instead keeping this on my blog teehee. so. WOE dsaf identity/ship hcs be upon ye!!!!

jack kennedy; sorry guys. i hit this fucker with the trans beam.... (transmasc agender) he/him pronouns. he is!!! also aroace!!!! romance neutral, sex favorable! he fucks but doesnt necessarily do it because he finds them hot. he also tried to date. several times and that didnt work. he dated dave and roger briefly and broke up with both of them. he still refuses to acknowledge hes not straight and in fact doesnt love anyone. yeah hes. autistic too.

dave miller; GENDERFLUID!!!! MASC-PRESENTING!!!! he fucks with mostly he/him pronouns but any work he could care less. terms and stuff of the like depend on what mood hes in. sometimes he likes to be called a girl and will be very happy if ya do so!!!! pansexual!!! personally think its for the best hes not polyamorous but. sorry chat get hit with my dave x roger propaganda but he loves that orange phone. in my eyes hes more chill after breaking up with jack!!!! he also doesnt like jack all too much anymore though..... doessss he see roger in a similar light to jack? just a lil.... roger being orange doesnt help. but hes not. AS obsessive. he also has!!! audhd!!! 2 me at least.

steven stevenson; t. transman... canonically gay so that remains!!!!! the same!!!!! he/it/fox pronouns in my heart. he just says he/him if you ask though. also. autism. hes autisitic. i see him with jake now..... my ass could not escape the liminalspace propaganda.... are most of these based on his askblog? yeah!!! do i care? no!!!

dee kennedy; cis female!!!! she is aroace and and in my heart bow uses she/bow pronouns because i said so. i COULD see her wanting a platonic relationship with another ghost kid though!!!!!! so mayhaps platonic attraction?

peter kennedy; transman. woah wonder how often thats gonna show up here!!!! he/him and he’s bicurious!!!! mainly because it makes sense to me. hes kissed a man before he got married.

harry fitzgerald; ttt. transman transman t- sorry. i cant restrain myself most of them are transmen. BUT!!!! he’s polyamorous and omnisexual with a masc-leaning preference!!!!! he/they pronouns!!!! yayay!!!!!! theyre dating. roger and and walt!!!!

jake wilson; giggles. guys you would NOT be able to guess this but hes trans too. shes just built different. WOE GENDERQUEER TRANSFEM JAKE BE UPON YE!!!!! she/he pronouns and and hes gay too!!!!! i heart breaking gender stereotypes with my headcanons. shes dating steven giggles.

roger jones; TRANSMASC BLURGENDER!!!!! is that me self projecting??? absolutely. he/it pronouns and and he’s bisexual and polyamorous!!!!! its also autistic.... he is dating harry and dave!!!!! yay!!!!!!!

walt grouse; cis male!!!!! woah i think hes like. the first on this list. any pronouns he doesnt give two shit call him whatever you want. he is!!!! also implaromantic/sexual!!!!! he gave up he couldnt find a label that fit him so that was his last resort. he is dating harry because rarepairs i love you rarepairs.

rebecca; cis female!!!! probably a straight ally!!! she/her pronouns but i can see her being fine with gender neutral terminology being used on her!!!! she is also not dating anyone!!!!!

henry miller; henrys just a guy. a dude. but also not? oddly enough, i agree with the interpretation that henry is gendervoid and that henry doesnt use pronouns but just henrys name!!!!! thank you chribs for that. also dont see henry being particularly romantic or sexual? so aroace in the sense that henry is romance and sex repulsed.

THATS ALL FEEL FREE TO THROW ROCKS AT ME.......

[teagballs]

could you write something for Dee Reynolds x female reader where she basically has been telling the gang for a really long time that she has a partner but none of them believe her but when she refuses to flirt with someone for one of their schemes, the gang decides to follow her and find out she really does have a partner and it’s a girl

love your writing 💕

the gang finds out dee likes girls | dee reynolds x reader

authors note: oh boy this has been sitting in my drafts for SOOOO LONG. finished it tonight. i love dee sm she's so pretty. i hope this lives up to ur request anon!! as always requests are open, trying to make my way thru them rn sorry sorry things have been hectic as always. love u folks

cw: slight objectification of women if u squint, fem reader.

╭──╯ . . . . .

"No, it's true, I'm dating someone!" Dee protested. But as usual, her rebuttals fell on deaf ears.

Currently, the gang was arguing with Dee on whether or not she had a partner.

"No way, Dee. There's no way you have a boyfriend. Hell, we've never even seen him! Honestly, lying about this for so long? It's really pathetic." Her brother chewed.

"Whatever. Screw you guys, at least I'm happy." Dee said before taking another sip of the beer she was nursing.

She'd been dating her girlfriend for nearly a year, but Dee should've known the gang wouldn't believe her. Every time Dee brought up this lover, she'd been shut down. Although she'd grown accustomed to the usual berating she'd receive on the daily, but this was just plain annoying. In the gang's defence, they hadn't actually seen this infamous partner. That was because Dee was dating a woman, and she had yet to reveal her sexuality. Even though the gang was pretty lax with Mac being gay, it would still be a big thing to reveal to them. Dee wasn't exactly prepared for that. She hoped it would just happen naturally.

When Dee entered the bar the following day, though, the gang had a demand of her. They were all crowded around the island, perched on stools.

"Dee! There you are. Where the hell have you been? We need you for this." Dennis groaned.

"Busy. I have a life outside of this bar y"know?" Dee exclaimed.

"Yeah, yeah, sure you do, Dee," Charlie dismissed.

"Whatever. We need you for this. You need to distract the security guard. Use your womanly woes, get your tits out." Dennis explained.

"What? I'm not doing that."

"Why not? You love the attention Dee don't lie to yourself," Mac chimed in.

"I do not! Guys, you know I have a... partner now, I'm not gonna flirt with some random guy." Dee danced around using the word partner. Obviously, she couldn't say 'girlfriend', but 'partner' sounded wrong. Sounded old.

"Dee, you really have to give this whole 'I'm in a healthy relationship' shtick up. It's a bad look. Really, it's pitiable and just sad!" Dennis insisted.

"Oh, shut up. I'm not doing that, Dennis." Dee huffed and hopped off her stool, storming out of the bar.

She dialled her girlfriend's number as she walked to her car, "Hey babe, can I come over? The gang are being shitheads, as usual. I miss you."

"Of course you can, Dee!" You mused in response. And with that, Dee made her way to your apartment.

"Well, that's just great. Without her, the plan really falls apart." Dennis grumbled.

After a brief silence, Charlie wondered, "It's weird, isn't it? That Dee always says "partner" instead of boyfriend? Like, I don't know what if it's not a boyfriend." Silence again as the gang contemplated. Then, scrambling as the gang came to the collective realisation that they needed to find out just who this "partner" was.

Your door swung open, and you were greeted by your favourite blonde in the entire world.

"Hey gorgeous," Dee bleated in a deary tone.

"Hi Dee," you smiled sweetly at her, a smile that seemed to make her worries and grievances melt away. She flumped down on the couch. You pulled a comforting arm around her shoulder.

"Rough day?" You ask softly.

"The worst," Dee replied before nestling her head on your shoulder. You bring your hand up to stroke her locks sympathetically as you wait for her to explain.

"It's just the gang." Dee began, "I've been telling them I'm dating someone, they don't believe me because, y'know, they haven't seen you. But it's hard cause I haven't revealed that part of myself to them yet. And I want to! But I just don't know how." Dee sighed.

Second after she spoke, almost as if it was fate, there was a loud patter of feet running up your apartment hall, then;

"GOT YOU!" annouced by an enthusiastic Charlie. In front of the pair of you stood Charlie, Dennis, Mac, and Frank, all bundled together in your small space.

"What the hell are you guys doing!" Dee stammered, bewildered. She stood up now, hands on her hips. You sat awkwardly behind them, twiddling your thumbs as you waited for some sort of explanation.

"We got you, Dee! We followed you with the tracking app I have for you, found you at this apartment building, went through like 3 apartments before we got to the right one and found you! With a girlfriend!" Dennis explained.

Dee pinched the bridge of her nose and exhaled, trying to process the information,

"So- what- why does- wait, tracking app?" She scrambled.

"Doesn't matter! Cause we found out the truth, you like girls!" Mac said in an accusatory tone, which was somewhat ironic.

"So what?" Dee stated blankly.

"Well, ah, nothing really, I suppose..." Charlie trailed.

"Yeah, this doesn't really change anything," Frank agreed, mostly uninterested.

"So, you guys don't care?" Dee questioned.

"No. Not at all, actually. This is way less interesting than we thought. Alright, let's get out of here, guys. We can still get that plan to work without the bird." Dennis directed. The gang chambered out of the apartment once more.

Dee stumbled back onto the sofa.

"What the fuck just happened?" She mumbled.

"I think you just came out to the gang." You replied.

. . . . . ╰──╮

[upsilambic]

[Back in *checks notes* May, Writing Prompts posted:��

“What do you mean why did I do this? I did it because I love you,” your girlfriend said confusedly, as if she wasn’t clutching the severed head of another human in her hand.”

My first thought was that this was a girl who belonged in the Varia. So I ran with it. The prompt only shows up indirectly. Humor, No Pairings, T]

So Your (Ex) Girlfriend is an Ax Murderer 

(Dating is hard enough as it is. It's even worse as a member of an elite, slightly eccentric, assassination squad. Good thing there's a built in, supportive (?) Family to help pick up the pieces.)

It was the sound of crying that drew Lussuria into the common room. Contrary to popular belief, crying wasn't an unusual occurrence at Varia HQ. Oh, sometimes it was a grunt who managed to upset Boss-darling and lived to tell the tale. Most of the time it was from new recruits who were suddenly rethinking their life choices. Those tears, though, they were largely reserved for the training grounds. No, if it was coming from the common room, it could only be one person.

Lussuria peeked in, and sure enough, there she was sprawled face down on the sofa. Boy troubles.  He would bet his boa on it.

Poor thing. Lussuria felt instinctively protective of his protegé. On paper, she was a total catch. Deianira was a key member of his Sun Squad medical team for her impeccable ability to not further maim their patients - even when they deserve it! Such a delightful bedside manner~ Not to mention, she could wield a battle ax with the same meticulous precision as her scalpel. So well-rounded! And she was cute as a button to boot, if he could say so himself. Lussuria just couldn't understand why Dee’s relationships didn't work out.

No, that was a lie. He absolutely knew why. It didn't mean he didn't think it was completely fair, though. People could be so judgemental! Everyone has their own silly, little quirks, right? 

The thing with Dee was that she had so much love and passion to give but had an unfortunate habit of placing her affections with the wrong people. Her love language was also something, well, not necessarily an acquired taste but more…niche as it were. And that’s where she really got into trouble.

Lussuria often thought of Deianira as something like a cat leaving behind dead birds as gifts to their beloved human. Unfortunately, the objects of her ardor typically reacted to such gifts just as badly if not worse. It never did bode well for her love life.

It was all very sad of course. Buuuuuut. The stories she told were better than television. All maternal feelings aside, Lussuria was dying to know what happened this time.

“Dee?”  A pause in the sniffling let him know that she heard. The hand that was blindly flapped in his direction let him know he was needed. Lussuria didn't need to be asked twice as he hurried over and perched on the arm of the sofa. “I am here, sweetpea. You just tell Mamma Luss everything.” 

To the casual observer the tale of woe was largely unintelligible.  Lussuria, on the other hand, nodded along, masterfully interpreting the pillow-muffled sounds, squeaks, and wet snuffles.

“Mmhmm mmhmm, I do remember you were seeing someone new. I seem to recall you telling me you were ready to take things to the next level~ 

Uh huh. What? Oh, tissue! Sorry, hun, here you go. Take your time. 

Well certainly it's natural to want to do nice things for the ones we love! And what…um…what nice thing did you decide to do? Yes,yes as one does, of course. 

Such a clean cut! Oh ho! You never fail to impress~ You're welcome. Now who was the gentleman? He was, hmmm? Say, run that name past me one more time, would you? Got it. Thanks, love.  Then what happened?

 OH. HE. DID. NOT.”

“And then he ran awaaaaaaaayy,” Dee wailed. That her ex did so while screaming was simply understood and didn't need to be said.

“There there, love.” Lussuria passed over another tissue that was gratefully accepted. As Deianira wiped her eyes, Luss tapped his index finger against his cheek, working out a thought. “Remind me, how long had the two of you been seeing each other?”

There was a pause as Deianira blew her nose. “It was our third date,” she mumbled into her tissue.

The tapping stopped. “Dee, sweetie. I hate to point it out while you're hurting, but gifting the literal head of your lover's enemy is something you might want to save for when your relationship is a tiiiiiny bit more established.”

Deianira slowly swung her legs around as she listened and pushed herself into a seated position. She lifted her face to Lussuria. It was puffy and streaked with runny mascara. Aw, cupcake. Girl was a mess but nothing a mother couldn't love. Lussuria tenderly squooshed those cheeks between his well-manicured hands.

“...Emmemee?” Deianira asked through a fishy pout.  She blinked heavily, as if emerging from her fog of despair and pulled back out of Lussuria's hands. “Maybe not an enemy per se…” She stopped and shook her head and heaved a sigh. “ No, I know. You're right. God, I'm such an idiot! I just...You know, I really thought we had something.” Dee gestured vaguely, trying to capture the intangible before giving up and resting her cheek on Lussuria's thigh. “I thought he'd understand and see the depth of my love.”

A derisive snort from the corner of the room sent Lussuria's head whipping around.“Not one word out of you!” he scolded the culprit in hushed tones. “I mean it!”

Squalo, however, didn't look nearly as chastened as Lussuria would have liked. He didn't look chastened at all. “Please,” scoffed Captain Sensitivity. Oh, his entire manner was so annoyingly unrepentant. “This is hardly news. She goes through a breakup like every oth-”

Lussuria's scandalized gasp cut him off. “Honestly! Where is your heart?”

“Heh. Funny story about that...HEEEY!” Squalo was forced to duck as Lussuria chucked a decorative pillow at his head.

“That's not what I meant, and you know it.”

Squalo sneered in silent response before shifting focus back to his laptop. That was the goal at any rate, which considering the other occupants of the room was easier said than done. Yes, the situation was annoying. Yes, he could leave, but he was here first, dammit. It was the principle of the thing.

He sighed heavily through his nose when he heard Luss try to subtly clear his throat at him but otherwise Squalo refused to engage. 

Then came the stage whispers.

“Squ-chan…. 

Squ?…

Squ…Squ…Squ…

Squaaaaaloooo!”

“WHAT?!”

He watched Luss out of the corner of his eye making frantic shushing signs and pointing to the lacrimose lump on the sofa. As if he could possibly disturb let alone offend her. Squalo leveled an “are you kidding me” look at his colleague.  Deianira wouldn't notice if a herd of rhinoceros suddenly barrelled into the common room and started yodeling. She was barely into Stage Two of the recovery process, meaning she was now sitting upright, staring into the middle distance, and clutching her ax to her chest like it was the world's deadliest comfort toy. Virtually nothing existed outside of her bubble right now.

Lussuria pursed his lips at him and adjusted his sunglasses before signing <I need you to look something up.>

<Look what up?> Squalo knew, of course, but he wasn't going to make it easy.

 Lussuria knew he knew too and gave an impatient huff. He pointed at Deianira, mimed having his chopped off, and signed the poor bastard's name.

<Fuck off I'm busy.> Another pillow came sailing over with great force. This time it connected. The resulting “VOOII!” was positively balm for Lussuria’s exasperated soul. That's right, Squ. Boss wasn't the only one with a pair of guns. Luss daintily flicked a lock of hair back in place and raised an eyebrow.

<Look up the name, dear. If you please.>

<FINE!> Squalo grumbled to himself about it, but he did do as asked. A moment later, he signed back an affirmative. The headless one was indeed in their system. Apparently, someone else had wanted him dead.

Lussuria delightedly clapped the tips of his fingers together. Goody. That should make cleanup a bit easier this time around. He turned his attention back to Deianira and began dabbing at her face with a tissue.

“Dee? Dee~ee,” Lussuria sang, trying to pull her attention back to the present. “Now why don't you come with me? I've got a beautiful cake cooling in the kitchen that is begging for some decadent chocolate frosting. That might be just the thing to make today a bit brighter!”

Deianira’s eyelids fluttered and she gave a small smile. Feeling encouraged, Lussuria pressed on.

“Aaand~ We'll chat about whether we can't just bill this ungrateful ex for your beautiful handiwork.” This time Dee giggled.

If one didn't know any better, that giggle could easily be classified as “cute”. Squalo did know better and grimaced at the sound. He turned his attention back to the sofa. 

Lussuria was cooing over Deianira’s change in mood. Deianira was. Well. Deianira’s eyes had gone unnaturally wide with interest, her pupils fully dilated. The corner of her smile twitched slightly as she took in Lussuria’s suggestion.

Levi dubbed this particular look of hers “creepy”. While Squalo wouldn't admit out loud to siding with Levi about anything, he was inclined to agree. When Deianira got like this, Squalo half expected her to climb into a window and start making clicking noises at the birds outside.

“I…might have some additional ideas of my own to make sure he pays,” Dee coyly offered up after her moment of contemplation.

“Clever girl. I knew that you would, and I can't wait to hear them!”

“Oh Luss, you're the best! This will be such fun!”

“I know!”

Squalo shook his head and pinched the bridge of his nose as the two of them clasped hands and squealed. Stage Two was evidently complete.

The promise of baked goods never failed to summon Belphegor. This instance was no exception. Bel had made his entrance while Lussuria was still coaxing Dee. Not wanting to look too eager, he flopped into an armchair and began to scroll through his phone with practiced indifference. No one in the common room was fooled, with the exception of Dee who hadn't noticed anything. Belphegor bided his time until the two suns left before he got up to pester Squalo for details.

“So what was it this time?” Bel asked as he leaned against Squalo's chair and tried to read over his shoulder. "Burned out car?"

“Severed head.” A scowl formed on Squalo's face in response to the intrusion. Without looking up, he used his right hand to change the angle of his laptop and his left to push back the brat's face. "NOW QUIT HOVERING!"

Bel was completely unperturbed as he danced out of range of the metal hand. He let out a low whistle and started making his way to the door. “Must have had it bad for this one.”

Squalo rolled his eyes. “I guess.” He turned around when he heard Bel's footsteps. “Hey, where are you going, brat?”

"Oh, now you want me to stay? Too late, peasant. You're no fun and the Prince wants cake and gossip.”

“I don't want you to stay,” Squalo scoffed. “I want you to do something.”

“I don't have to.” Belphegor gave an imperious toss of his head. “I'm a prince, not an errand boy,” he declared, but he caught the file thrown at him all the same.

“You're going to the kitchen anyway. Take that file and give it to Miss Man Destroyer.” 

Belphegor smirked, his curiosity piqued. “Shi shi shi, that's cold even for you, Fish Face. You're gonna send her out with a broken heart?” Bel made a show of clutching at pearls. Squalo huffed in annoyance.

“We've got shit to do, you know! How about you try taking an interest in that?” 

Belphagor dismissively waved off Squalo's critique and flipped through the file. “Be kinda funny if the peasant who put in the request was single, though.” He glanced over to see Squalo looking entirely too casual about opening his email. Bel's grin widened viciously. “Wait. Is he?”

Squalo mumbled something, refusing to look at him.

“He is!” Belphagor crowed. “How do you know?”

Squalo ground his teeth a minute before exploding, “FINE! I looked it up, alright!?”

Belphagor was nearly doubled over with his cackling. “Shi Shi shi, aww, I didn't know you were a matchmaker, Captain~” he wheezed.

Squalo launched one of the pillows Luss threw at him earlier straight at Belphagor’s head. Pillows being soft, however, it was not nearly as satisfying as he hoped it would be. It didn't even pause Bel's laughter.

“VOI I'M NOT!!” Squalo crossed his arms and irritably drummed his fingers. “But if she's going to keep doing this, we might as well point her in the right direction and get some damn work done around here.”

*Deianira is the name of one of Hercules's wives who accidentally killed him with a shirt. It was supposed to keep him faithful to her but was poisoned instead. Whoops. Her name can be translated as Man-Destroyer.

[ducktracy]

188. porky’s poppa (1938)

release date: january 15th, 1938

series: looney tunes

director: bob clampett

starring: mel blanc (porky, porky’s poppa, narrator), bob clampett (duck)

it’s safe to say that 1938 was porky’s best year. speaking in terms of solo cartoons, that is. his cartoons were genuinely funny, stimulating, and he looked great appearance wise. 1939 the porky burnout started, and he was slowly reduced to a smiling stock character whose adversaries and costars were much more alive than he was.

as daffy (and later bugs) rose to popularity, porky slipped into the sidekick role, paired primarily with the duck. with that said, the porky/daffy cartoons are some of the funniest around, and i firmly believe the best cartoons for the both of them are the ones where they’re paired together—with a few exceptions, of course.

however, let’s not get ahead of ourselves: a great year of pig stardom awaits. porky’s father, who made a few appearances during the joe dougherty era, makes his final return. in a story that has loose similarities to the premise of porky’s railroad, porky struggles to convince his father that their cow, bessie, is a much better fit for the farm than the newfangled mechanical cow his father has his eyes on.

the introduction is one of the funniest aspects of the cartoon itself. a hand erases the title credits, scrawled on a blackboard, and fills in “PORKY’S POPPA... HAS A FARM”, mirroring the underscore of “old macdonald” (with substitute lyrics) below it.

a layout of the farm cuts to our pint-sized hero, grinning at the camera as the vocals sing “...and on this farm he had a pig: porky pig, you know.” bobe cannon animates porky struggling to sing along with the lyrics, his “oh buh-beh-boy!”s lagging with the beat. the music halts just in time for porky to pump his fists in frustration, not stuttering once as he grumbles “oh, skip it!��

repeatedly cutting back to the layout of the farm in conjunction with the lyrics is practically a gag within itself. the song grows increasingly absurd, with a goose honking horns, a cow showing off her legs as the vocals sing “with a little calf here, with a little calf there...”, struggling to keep up with the rapid pace of the song. bob clampett lends his own voice to a random duck (no relation to daffy!), following a hand pointing at certain areas of the farm and quacking (”with a little quack here, with a little quack there...”) 

finally, the duck in his psuedo-donald duck voice instructs “EVERYBODY SING!”, complete with some fun and unique typography. the entire song falls to pieces--before, the cutting back to the farm’s layout added an incongruous feeling of calm to balance out the wacky antics of the animals and the song. now, everything happens at once. the duck zips across the screen in a quacking frenzy, the mother cow shows off her baby calves, thrusting them to the beat of the music, the goose is a one man band of assorted horns, etc. blissful chaos.

things slow down as we cut back to porky, who smugly whips out a phonograph behind his back. the record is just him saying “oh boy!”, playing correctly to the beat of the music. he’s got this song number figured out... or does he?

even technology can’t conceal his stutter. the record begins to skip, mimicking the sound of his stutter, and porky smashes the phonograph to pieces as he slams it against the ground. the wordless yet furious stare he gives the audience as the dying record croaks out a distorted “oooooooh..... boooooooooy....” is nothing short of priceless. though he didn’t say a word himself during this scene, his motives, thoughts, and emotions are clearly visible. you can FEEL his pride at his solution, as well of the subsequent fury of his solution blowing up in his face. a wonderful end to a hilarious song sequence. 

“but on his farm, he has a mortgage... woe, oh woe, oh woe!” the score turns in to a mournful, minor key dirge, with anthropomorphic mortgage papers posing proudly on the farm. some very clever posing and metaphorical play as we fade to porky’s dad, moping around on the farm, the mortgage aligning with his silhouette and becoming a physical weight on his back. more playing with typography as the narrator reads aloud the words on the screen:

this is a parody of the march of time, a radio program who would often announce the death of a notorious person by declaring “and so, today, as it must to all men, death came to [name], [age].” even without the context, the gag is rather amusing, bringing a different change of pace to the cartoon with the addition of a narrator and the typography. knowing the source of the gag makes it hit just the right spot.

porky’s dad mutters about ruination, how he has no milk and no money, etc. mel blanc does a fine job of mimicking joe dougherty, maintaining the stutter and the low voice--in the dougherty cartoons, porky’s father was just dougherty’s natural speaking voice, whereas porky was sped up considerably. you can hear both at once here for comparison. 

we pan over to the cause of one of these stresses: their cow, bessie, has been quarantined (how timely!) for “hoof ‘n mouth trouble”, a play on hand-foot-and-mouth disease. clampett opts to take things just a step further--we truck inside the stall to see bessie posing for the camera, grinning with her foot INSIDE her mouth, batting her eyelashes and all. the “bull bontana” (bull montana) poster  plastered inside of her stall is a clever touch. 

after seeing that bessie’s production chart has dipped overwhelmingly into the negatives--a roll of paper unfurling at porky’s father’s feet, indicating just how poor the farm is doing--he places an “out of order” sign on the stall door.

suddenly, porky’s father grows aggravated. “i need to send you to the hamburger factory!” cue a close-up of bessie tearfully picturing her fate--a pile of burgers and hotdogs make up her figure. clampett would reprise this gag (albeit in a much more cruel manner) in porky’s last stand 2 years later, where daffy eagerly envisions a steaming hot hamburger in place of an innocent little calf. 

this is the second cartoon to make an ACME reference, the first being buddy’s bug hunt back in 1935. porky’s father phones up ACME mail order company, asking for “one cow--airmail”. context clues are just as important to the gag than the reveal itself: porky, his father, and bessie all become alert to the sounds of an airplane making a cacophony overhead. suddenly, a package bursts through the barn ceiling, floating to the ground with a neatly tied parachute. the animation appears to be the work of john carey, from the tall, pill-shaped eyes to the slow, drawn out way that porky blinks.

norm mccabe takes over to animate the grand reveal. lots of wonderful little subtleties: porky and his father are timed slightly differently, giving them both a natural sense of interaction and movement. there’s a lovely little accent on porky’s father opening the package by pulling a string--he jerks his head up slightly as he plucks the string, allowing the audience to feel the physical impact and snap of the pluck. it’s subtle, but very well done. 

instead of a flesh and blood cow, a mechanical hunk of metal slowly unfurls to life as the package opens. as porky’s father reads the label (The New 1938 CREAMLINED COW), porky himself objects to the new addition. “aww, eh-the-there ain’t no such animal!”

indeed there is: porky’s father loads a pile of hay into a chute, pressing down on the cow’s paintbrush tail. the cow pumps along to a brassy score of “old macdonald”, churning out milk from its metal udders, the milk pouring straight into an assembly line of bottles below. bob clampett’s puns are plentiful in this cartoon (notice how there’s no writer’s credit--he often said that he would write some of his earliest cartoons himself. i assume he wrote this one as well? i wonder how much input chuck jones had in the story?), but delivered nonchalantly, so they can actually be enjoyed. the cow caps the milk bottles by putting literal newsboy caps on top of the bottles, the paintbrush tail painting “cream paint” to the outside of the bottles and forming the illusion of cream. interesting business practices!

bobe cannon animates a delightful scene with porky. fun animation and fun dialogue make for a great combo. some very fluid, light, and fun animation of porky giving his pep talk as he hops around, swinging his arms, nonchalantly pushing his hat out of his face after getting so excited. “c’mon, eh-beh-beh-beh-bessie! we won’t let that old eh-neh-nuh-new fangled eh-ceh-co--heifer beat us. you just eat your uh-wuh-wee-weh-whea--eh-ha-hay, and show that eh-teh-eeh-eh-tin-can cow who can make the most...”

porky lowers bessie’s foot from her mouth by climbing on it, preparing to shovel a forkful of hay into her mouth, however, she shoves her foot right back in it, much to porky’s annoyance. “aww, every time you open your muh-mee-muh-me-eh-mou--kisser, ya put your eh-feh-eh-foot in it! eh-bee-bessie, you gotta eat! you eh-deh-dee-eh-don’t wanna be eh-seh-seeah-seeah-smothered in onions, eh-do ya?” 

treg brown’s sound effects of doors creaking as her leg is lowered is the perfect touch to the gag. porky struggles to feed bessie, eventually getting stuck in her mouth himself as he attempts to hold both legs down to no avail. he frees himself, just in time to hatch an ingenious idea.

his plan works: porky places the entire pile of hay onto bessie’s legs, who swallows it up whole, her mouth comically huge as she attempts to swallow it. porky is overjoyed, clapping at her efforts before rushing off to give her some privacy.

instead of porky just milking her like a regular farmer, clampett pushes the entire scenario further. porky paces around in the manner of an expectant father, accompanied by a soft score of “lullaby on broadway”. the sound of a baby crying prompts porky to do a gorgeously animated head shake of surprise--bessie hands him a milk bottle, which porky carefully swaddles and places in a basket. 

the charade continues, with clampett lulling us into a false sense of security with an already absurd gag. cue a gag that would have been incredibly risque in 1938: at about the fifth bottle, porky reaches out and finds that bessie hands him a bottle labeled “CHOC. MALT”, accompanied by an underscore of “i wish i was in dixie”. porky and bessie both grow bashful, but porky’s nonchalant whistling is cut to a half as bessie delivers yet another bottle. “gosh--eh-ceh-ceh-quin-eh-qui-eh--quart-tuplets!”

porky rushes over to his farther to share the good news. however, dad is too preoccupied with the fancy mechanics of the cow to pay bessie any mind. he shows porky a barrage of dairy-related puns churned out by the creamlined cow:

cottage cheese (cheese in the shapes of houses--and an outhouse for good measure--don the conveyer belt), limburger cheese (cheese slices with clothes pins pinned to their “noses” to ward off the stench), and swiss cheese (a cuckoo bird pops out of the cow’s mechanical side and sprays the cheese wheels with bullets, which turn into yodeling mouths). interestingly, mel’s voice for porky’s father changes in this scene--it’s still him, but the nasally undertones are absent. i wonder if he did this on a different day?

nevertheless, the staging of the next gag is genius. the majority of the screen is black, save for a small window revealing porky holding onto bessie’s udders. “c’mon, eh-beh-bessie! hurry eh... hurry eh... step on it!” the window expands to reveal bessie pouring a bucket of milk into a line of funnels (rather than udders), which are then evenly distributed to the bottles. “’ats a guh-geh-gee-eh-girl!”

mechanical cow seems to be doing just fine, plopping cherries on top of elaborate ice cream sundaes and milk shakes. the only fault in the system is the cow’s own personal whiskey bottle rolling down the assembly line, which it confiscates promptly. 

porky, on the other hand, is making do. with an ice block on her head, bessie churns out ice cream cones to the best of her ability. as the cones grow smaller and smaller in size, porky orders her to eat more hay, which she happily does so.

now, it’s cow vs. cow. the mechanical cow opts to play some dirty tricks on bessie, pouring a jar of vanishing cream it produced onto the hay bessie is eating. and, thanks to the law of cartoon physics, the milk bottles she hands porky disappear by the minute. though the effect of the bottles disappearing may not seem like much today, for 1938 the ink and paint department did a wonderful job of demonstrating the illusion that the bottles suddenly disappeared.

with the rest of the hay now gone thanks to a hefty glob of vanishing cream, porky and bessie engage in a wild goose (cow?) chase to find more hay. the mechanical cow gobbles up every square inch of hay in sight--at one point, bessie heaves a dubious shrug to the audience. i love how they made her hooves look like hands, but still remain identifiable hooves. the scramble animation she does as she dashes out of frame (with porky clinging to her like a horse) is wonderfully done as well.

both porky and bessie and the creamlined cow exit the barn, chasing each other around the farm. the mechanical cow physically turns into a vacuum cleaner, threatening to suck up the last remaining pile of hay. in a gag that’s reminiscent of the harman-ising days (is it the inclusion of the outhouse?), the cow-turned-vacuum rushes into a shed filled to the brim with hay. the audience merely watches the shed itself shrink in size as the cow gobbles up all of the hay, the final result a puny little outhouse. 

at last, the enemies reach a face-off. the last pile of hay--or, as porky puts it in his punny little way, “eh-thee-the-thee-that’s the last straw.” in a relatively tashlin-esque maneuver, clampett makes some fast cuts to heighten the suspense of the action. cut between porky and bessie to the mechanical cow to the pile of straw (facetiously labeled “MILK WEED”). the cuts grow quicker and quicker, the music crescendo-ing... 

until BLAM! in a loose parallel to the finale of rover’s rival, everything explodes at once. nuts and bolts rain in the sky, as do neat little bundles of hay. however, clampett doesn’t allow the audience to rest just yet--with bessie nowhere in sight, the mechanical cow continues to charge forth, seeking refuge in a hay to release a humongous pile of milk bottles. so high, in fact, that the shed (and cow) are elevated several feet into the air. porky’s a goner.

porky’s father, who had been absent for the past few minutes, reappears to declare the tin-can cow a winner, much to porky’s visible dissatisfaction.

yet it’s not a clampett cartoon without a twist! bessie pokes her head out of the mechanical cow’s mouth, mooing the ever popular catchphrase from the ken murray show: “mmmmmmwooooooooooah, yeeeeaaaaaah!” porky gives a celebratory “oh, boy!” as we iris out--the goose and duck from earlier poke their heads into the scene just before the iris fully closes.

this is an early porky cartoon that’s just plain fun. bobe cannon’s animation of porky serves as one of the many highlights, from porky getting aggravated with his phonograph to his excited pep talk towards bessie. corny as the opening number is, it’s a lot of fun at the same time--the intensity in increasing chaos is a prevalent theme to clampett’s cartoons. just look at the climax/ending of baby bottleneck!

i don’t have many complaints towards this cartoon, if any at all. it’s not my favorite porky entry, sure, but it’s most certainly an enjoyable watch and one of his better cartoons of the ‘30s. the visual puns aren’t nearly as hamfisted as ben hardaway’s (as we’ll soon discover), making them more enjoyable than some of the jokes present in, say, daffy duck & egghead. regardless, there are a lot of unique gags, fun animation, and amusing dialogue to constitute a watch.

the cartoon is up on HBOmax, but you can also watch it here!

[tabloidtoc]

Globe, August 31

Cover: Prince William and Prince Harry seeking the truth about their mother Princess Diana’s death -- Diana exhumed again 

Page 2: Up Front & Personal -- Sylvester Stallone, pregnant Lea Michele, Jason Priestley wears a mask while picking up a package 

Page 3: Alessandra Ambrosio puts on shorts at the beach, Scott Baio riles up the crowd at a political rally in L.A., Sofia Richie strolls along the beach in Malibu with a wineglass in hand 

Page 4: Music diva Mariah Carey is turning her back on her sister Alison who’s caught in a raging battle over revelations charging shocking sex abuse and devil worship -- while Mariah is out promoting her new bio due in stores next month her troubled older sis Alison is suing their mom Patricia for damages claiming she was forced to perform sex acts with strangers when she was as young as 10 during satanic gatherings that included ritual sacrifice 

Page 5: Rachael Ray and her husband John Cusimano and their dog Bella narrowly escaped death when a huge blaze tore through her luxury upstate New York home, Lady Gaga’s sharp dance moves and killer manicure left fellow pop star Ariana Grande with a nasty scratch on her face as the pair rehearsed for a music video 

Page 6: Garth Brooks and wife Trisha Yearwood were terrified when their youngest child Allie was stricken with killer COVID-19 and the girl’s chilling brush with death turned their world upside down -- it hit them hard and reminded them about the importance of health and family and taking precautions plus how precious life is, Antonio Banderas has been laid low by COVID-19 -- he took to Twitter on his 60th birthday to reveal he tested positive for the deadly disease and is keeping himself quarantined 

Page 7: Nearly 4 years after her death Zsa Zsa Gabor is going on a farewell tour of Europe in a fancy dog carrier -- her last husband Prince Frederic von Anhalt plans to take the ashes of the icon to her favorite places in the Louis Vuitton pet case in which she carried her beloved dog Macho before burying her in her native Hungary -- Zsa Zsa’s former publicist Ed Lozzi slams her husband’s scheme saying she would have wanted to be buried beside her only child Francesca and sister Eva Gabor in Hollywood’s Westwood Cemetery 

Page 8: Fearing she’s losing ground in her continuing custody battle with Brad Pitt Angelina Jolie is demanding the judge deciding the dispute be booted from the case -- Angie insists that Judge John W. Ouderkirk be ousted claiming he’s a business crony of a lawyer working for Brad but Brad’s fighting to keep the judge on board and he thinks Angie’s desperate and willing to do anything to trip him up because she’s backed up against a wall, Alyssa Milano claims her brush with COVID-19 has left her losing her hair -- she was struck by the dangerous disease back in April and spent time in a hospital and recently in a Twitter video she brushed her wet locks and pulled a large clump of separated strands 

Page 9: Simon Cowell is facing a life of agonizing pain and possible paralysis after a horrific bike accident left him with a back broken in three places and a rod inserted in his spine -- he may be left with what’s known as failed back syndrome which is chronic back pain that remains even after successful surgery or even more chilling may lose control of his legs and arms if the rod doesn’t hold and the vertebrae collapse 

Page 10: Demons do exist swears exorcist Bishop Plato Angelakis who for the first time reveals his terrifying battle with an evil fiend that possessed a granny-aged woman and gave her the strength to overpower four grown men 

Page 12: Celebrity Buzz -- Billy Dee Williams out and about in L.A. (picture), there was a backstage battle between The Office star John Krasinski and producer Greg Daniels in season three of the smash comedy Daniels wigged out when John who played scruffy-haired sales guy Jim Halpert begged for a haircut in an attempt to launch a big-screen career by starring alongside George Clooney and Renee Zellweger in Leatherheads but the boss said no -- determined to nab the juicy role John recruited the show’s hairstylist and paid for a human hair wig and fooled the cast and crew, no funny business involved when it comes to Amy Schumer making sex appointments with husband Chris Fischer because without them you’re just roommates, Paris Jackson broke off her two-year relationship with Gabriel Glenn because she just couldn’t figure out who he was, Melissa Joan Hart is starring in Dear Christmas an upcoming Lifetime romance with her real-life teenage crush Jason Priestley who is playing a handsome firefighter who warms Melissa’s heart for the holidays, no baby talk is the rule for Marie Osmond’s husband Steve Craig who hates it when she calls him cutesie names 

Page 13: Scruffy Jude Law in London (picture), Mindy Kaling out and about in a mask (picture), Goody Grace and Kate Beckinsale wear masks while shopping (picture), Heidi Klum is packing on the pounds during the COVID crisis confessing she can’t zip up her old clothes and doesn’t fit in her favorite jeans anymore 

Page 14: Tiffany Haddish has lost 20 pounds since hooking up with boyfriend Common, Jennifer Lawrence sold her NYC money-pit apartment for $9.9 million which she bought in 2016 for $15.6 million but at least now she can stop paying the ritzy building’s ridiculously steep $5700 monthly fees and the $100,000 cost for taxes and insurance and upkeep, Fashion Verdict -- Tina Fey 3/10, Sarah Paulson 7/10, Emily Blunt 1/10, Aubrey Plaza 8/10, Olivia Wilde 2/10 

Page 16: Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson has topped a list of Hollywood’s highest paid actor hauling in a hefty $87.5 million this year followed by Ryan Reynolds and Mark Wahlberg and Ben Affleck and Vin Diesel at $54 million, Lisa Marie Presley’s future looks grim as her liver problems have roared back and she faces death if the vital organ fails -- she’s been battling liver ailments and an abdominal muscle tear for some time forcing her to seek treatment in the days before the heartbreaking suicide of her son Ben Keough 

Page 17: The late Crocodile Hunter Steve Irwin’s daughter Bindi Irwin has made it official that she’s pregnant, scores more women have come forward to accuse porn star Ron Jeremy of rape and sexual assault dating as far back as two decades just a few weeks after he pled not guilty to sex offenses against for West Coast women 

Page 19: 10 Things You Don’t Know About Alex Winter, for Grey’s Anatomy star Ellen Pompeo the show is all about the Benjamins saying she made a decision to make money and not chase creative acting roles and for her a healthy home life was more important than career, thugs robbed Alanis Morissette at gunpoint and nearly grabbed all her work for her 1995 hit album Jagged Little Pill

Page 20: True Crime 

Page 23: Scandal-savaged Ellen DeGeneres wants to put her woes on pause and pamper herself with a morale-boosting plastic surgery blitz -- she’s been rocked by sinking ratings and allegations of a toxic work culture and the strain has made an ugly impact and it shows in the bags under her eyes and the saggy cheeks and jaw and she’s breaking out and her skin looks blotchy from all the stress she’s been under and even with makeup on she looks haggard, grieving mom Melissa Etheridge admits she steeled herself for the possible death of her drug-addled son Beckett 

Page 24: Cover Story -- new Princess Diana death probe -- Prince William and Prince Harry have secretly arranged for the body of their late mother to be exhumed for a second time and subjected to another autopsy in a desperate last-ditch bid to learn the truth about her death in Paris 23 years ago -- the brothers suspect Diana’s death may have been ordered by the same people who forced Harry’s wife Meghan Markle to flee Britain -- William is worried his wife Duchess Kate Middleton may be in danger too 

Page 26: Health Report -- miracle drug slams brakes on MS 

Page 33: Debra Messing dropped from a size eight to a twiggy two while filming Will & Grace and says the extreme slim-down harmed her health

Page 38: Real Life -- Victoria Price of WFLA in Tampa gushed with appreciation after an eagle-eyed viewer pointed out a bump on her neck that turned out to be a deadly thyroid cancer

Page 44: Straight Talk -- Earth to Luann de Lesseps: quit being a boozy floozy 

Page 45: Tiger Woods is set to marry Erica Herman if she signs an ironclad prenup to protect his $800 million fortune -- Tiger has agreed to wed Erica but he’s still gun-shy after shelling out a record $750 million to divorce first wife Elin Nordegren after he was caught in a sex addiction scandal 

Page 47: Hollywood Flashback -- Kate Winslet and Leonardo DiCaprio in Titanic, Bizarre But True 

[def-ace-ing-it]

Violet and Lilac

Pairings: Pre-established Prinxiety, implied RED (brief)

Summary: Roman comes up with a great Valentines Day date, and Virgil is very moved.

Warnings: Sympathetic Deceit (very brief), heavy cursing, and I think that's it.

Author’s note: This is a gift for my Valentine, @bisectionalbisexual because she loves Prinxiety, so I obliged with some athletic Virgil and short Roman. Then I added some RED because the ships growing on me. Enjoy!

Word count: 1692 words

***

A loud crack resounded throughout the room as the two figures in the center moved around each other, wooden sticks clashing against the other in rapid succession. The taller of the two heaving slightly as the smaller one was on the attack. He looked for an opening in the others defense, and once he found one, he lunged forward. He tapped the others side with his stick and took a moment to breathe. He stood back and wiped some sweat from his forehead with the back of his hand.

“Your getting better, Dee. Soon I think you'll be close to beating me, just work on your defense. Dee made a silent groan and began to move his hands.

“You say that all the time though-” He signed.

“But do you do it?” Virgil quipped, crossing his arms and raised an eyebrow in amusement. Dee paused.

“No.”

“There's the problem, you have to practice.” Virgil shook his head at Dee and walked towards the exit, not before ruffling the others dirty blonde hair, “Go home and work on your defense tonight, after your date with your boyfriends of course.” He winked and placed his stick on the table and walking out the door without looking back at the sputtering blonde. He walked down the flight of stairs and out the front door. The cool February wind was nice on the sweaty skin not under his tank top and sweatpants, he was sure he looked like a slob, but he didn’t care. Virgil slowly made it through the crowded street until he reached a somewhat big apartment complex.

He pulled a keycard from out of his pocket and pressed it against the scanner and waited for the beep, stepping inside and headed up the stairs. After two flight of stairs, Virgil was in front of his apartment door. He pulled out his keys and unlocked it, taking a step into the living room.”

‘Home sweet home-‘

Crash.

“MOTHER FUCKER!” Virgil snorted and wheezed softly at his partner’s voice echoing throughout.

‘What is Roman doing now?’ He questioned as he made his way to the bedroom and leaned on the doorway. Roman sat on the floor, picking up a few thin metal beams and a giant cover, dropping one of the beams in the process.

“Need some help?” Roman looked over at Virgil and lit up.

“Stormcloud!” He announced, dropping his stuff on the floor with a loud clattering sound and leaping at the other, “I didn't realize you got home.” Virgil caught his dramatic- and much shorter- boyfriend in his arms and twirled around a little bit.

“Probably because, you know, you screamed ‘mother fucker’ at the top of your tiny little lungs.” He smirked as Roman huffed and pouted, “But yeah, I wrapped me and Dee’s session up early, or else he would have forgotten about his date with Rem and Emile. Y’know how he gets.” Virgil sat the other on the floor and walked into the center of the room, picking up the mess Roman created. Roman followed him into the room, but didn't help pick up his mess, but instead sat on the bed. Virgil looked up at him with a questioning look, “So, why were you messing around with the camping gear?”

“Ah, yes, that. Well, I was looking for some inspiration, ‘cause today's Valentine's Day, and I procrastinated. So this happened.” Roman shrugged and Virgil stared at him and began laughing. Roman raised an eyebrow at the other and leaned back, “What's so funny, hmm? Care to share with the class, Marilyn Mon-woe?”

Virgil looked up and said with a deadpan look, “Prince under-arm stink has the big gay.” Roman tried to make an offended face but snorted and his facade faded quickly, and Virgil was close behind. Roman wiped a tear from his eye.

“God you’re such a child.”

“And you’re not?”

“... I hate that you’re absolutely right.” Virgil got off the floor and shoved the camping gear on the top shelf of the closet before shutting it completely. He turned around and leaned up against the door.

“So what’s the plan for tonight, hmm? ‘Cause if I have to wear a tux or something fancy, I will lose it.”

“I’ve made that mistake once, and now you won’t let it go. But, uh, no, just get a shower and I'll grab you something comfortable to wear.” Roman spoke, kicking his legs back and forth. Virgil, who just realized how gross he felt from the sweat and dirt, practically leapt up from the ground and rushed into the bathroom. Roman chuckled as he heard a small thud before the sound of water running began.

A few minutes later, Virgil walked out of the bathroom in two towels, one wrapped around his waist and another in his hands that he was using to dry his hair the best he could. Roman tossed the other a pile of clothes, that flopped miserably onto the floor. Virgil gave him a look that can be roughly translated into, ‘Why? Why do you do this?’.

“Listen, I could have thrown them at your face. Be grateful.” Virgil rolled his eyes and picked up the clothes and walked back into the bathroom.

At around three o’clock, Virgil finally got out of the bathroom, messing around with his warm hair until it was back into his normal, curly black and purple fringe. He looked up at Roman, as if trying to gain some sort of approval. “Edgy as per usual.” Roman teased, winking at the other and pulling on a red long sleeved jacket. Virgil scoffed and walked over to Roman and placed his elbow on the top of his head. Roman made an offended noise as Virgil chuckled.

“Care to say that again, Princey?” The other huffed and grabbed a small bag off the bedside table and reached in, grabbing something before pulling it out. He held a sleeping mask that had a raccoon face on it. Virgil stared at the other in a permanent state of ‘What the fuck’.

“Just put it on, I'm making this a surprise. Buckle up for a wild ride.” Roman smirked, putting his hand out in Virgil's direction. He groaned and swiped the mask from the others hand, putting it on while mumbling about ‘messing up my hair’. Virgil pulled it over his face and pulled his fringe from under it, giving the raccoon a purple fringe. “You look exactly the same!-”

“Fuck you and everything you stand for.”

“Gladly.” Roman flirted, winking even though Virgil couldn't see him. The other groaned in annoyance and Roman laughed and grabbed the other’s hand, beginning to lead him towards the exit, “Now c’mon, we have a date to go on,”

After a few mishaps with Virgil running into objects, a very bumpy car ride, and almost tripping over his feet more than ten times, they had arrived at their destination (much to Roman's relief). Roman squeezed Virgil's hand tightly and stretched upwards to whisper a soft, “We're here, you can take the mask off.” Virgil quickly pulled it off and squinted to get used to the onslaught of light. He adjusted quickly and gasped.

“Did you…”

“I know you don't like very extravagant things, so I felt this would be a good place for a date we'll both enjoy.” Roman said, slightly flustered as he pointed at the front window, which had a small sign reading, ‘Wildcat Café’ that had a small cat paw painted next to it, “It took me a while to find one that was kinda out of the way and not very busy.”

Roman lead Virgil into the café and sat him down at a small booth in the corner. Virgil takes a look around and finds the building almost completely empty besides for two baristas and a group of three girls paying a lot of attention to a very fluffy and small kitty. A small mew caught the attention of the taller one and he looked down at the cat that sat right next to his booth. The first thing that Virgil saw was the white fur, which was short and very soft looking, the next was the eyes. Virgil's violet eyes stared at light lilac ones in return.

The cat trilled and jumped up onto the vacant seat next to him and climbed right into his lap before plopping down. Virgil scratched right behind the cat’s ears and a loud purr resounded from the cat’s throat. He looked up at Roman, who was giving him a soft look.

“That's Polaris,” Someone from behind Virgil spoke, who he turned to face. A small barista stood there, eyes tired beyond belief, “I named her myself, she doesn't like me much though.” Virgil looked down at the cat in his lap, “In fact, she doesn't like a lot of people. You might be the first time I've seen anyone get along with her that quickly.” A smile made a home on the barista’s face and Roman had an idea.

“Do you let customers adopt the cats here?” Virgil made a confused look as the barista caught onto what Roman asked. The smile grew a few sizes and the barista winked.

“We do, actually!”

“Could I possibly adopt little Polaris over here for my partner?” Virgil's eyes widened out of shock and his jaw dropped a little and he looked between Roman and the barista.

“You could, yes, I'll get the papers right away.” She nodded and walked off towards the back.

“Are you- I-” Virgil managed to stutter out an Roman just gave him a small smirk.

“I was planning this for, like, a month now. Plus cats can ease anxiety so I felt it was only appropriate that I got you one- mmph!” Roman got cut off as Virgil leaned over the table and pressed his lips against the others. He pulled away after a minute and both their faces were flushed.

“Thank you, thank you so fucking much!” Virgil wrapped his arms around Roman's shoulders and hugged him the best he could. Roman returned the gesture the best he could.

“It's no problem at all.”

[fillogree]

Coffee Beans and Scripted Sheets

I opened myself up for commissions but don't really have a whole lot of writing on my blog so I figured I should share this WIP. Any of my other pieces can be found under the tag mine.txt or addon.txt

Word Count: 1,290 Pairings: Logince, Moxiety, Prinxiety, Sleep Paralysis {Sleep and Deceit} Insomnia {Remy and Virgil} (implied) Anxceit (implied)

"What are you so worked up about?"

So.. That's all I have really. I want to do a lot more, touch on the relationship with the others. But.. For now there's an example? Anything I am commissioned for would probably be this length or shorter while I'm looking for work and a place to stay.

[actsla]

On Tuesday, September 14, 2021, is the date for the California Recall Election.

Californians have the chance to make a difference in this recall election. It’s not just an election that will affect the state, but, in my view, it will also undoubtedly have national implications.

The last time a California Recall Election was held was in 2003, when then-Governor Gray Davis was recalled in an election that dealt with the electric grid and other economic woes that were at play in the Golden State at the time.

As a person who has followed politics, I have always been fascinated with California politics since the days of former Governor Pete Wilson, and I have keenly followed them faithfully since that time.

I am sending this message to urge Californians to vote no and against the recall. Now is not the time to replace the Governor in Sacramento as we have many issues that are facing the state and we need someone who has the experience and know-how to get through these urgent issues.

If we look at the recall that resulted in then-Governor Gray Davis being thrown out of office in 2003, people have come to his defense to state that he made the right decisions when it came to the situation with the electric grid and trying to prevent huge spikes in electricity at the time.

Governor Gavin Newsom has made his share of mistakes, just like anyone else has, but he has been willing to admit when he has made errors in judgment and has vowed to learn from them.

With the fires that are raging and destroying so much land in the state, we need to have a Governor who will seriously deal with global warming and believes in science to get real solutions done.

COVID-19 has seriously harmed the state, particularly in Los Angeles, and with the Delta variant and others forming, we need to have a Governor who is going to do all in his earnest to try to save lives and who will solicit the help of medical experts to make proper decisions as to what steps need to be taken to help protect Angelinos and the rest of the state.

In terms of the entertainment industry, we need to have a Governor that is going to invest in the industries that make California the light for so many to start their acting and entertainment careers in Hollywood. This is what makes the state vibrant and sets it apart from the rest of the country.

As previously stated, this recall election has national implications. Dianne Feinstein is the current United States Senator in the state, and if she, for some reason, were unable to finish her term, that would make it possible for whomever is Governor at the time to choose a replacement, and this would have a huge impact on the direction of the state.

No matter what happens, California will have a national presence and it has always played a key part in national policy. Please do the right thing and vote no on the recall and let Gavin Newsom finish out his term in the state.

Terry Dee

[winchesters-favorite-girl]

Tumblr Woes

A/N: This is my entry for @supernatural-jackles birthday challenge! Happy birthday. I had the gif that you see below.

Word Count: 3724

Warnings: Angst, accusations of cheating, fluff

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You sat on your bed scrolling through Tumblr and couldn’t help the scowl that was overtaking your face. Your father and step mom always told you to stay away from the website, but you couldn’t help yourself; you were seventeen and thought you could take on the haters of Tumblr.

You were wrong.

After arguing with another person who ran a hate blog against your step mom you couldn’t take it anymore and slammed your laptop shut. These people thought they knew everything about your family’s life when in reality they only ever saw small glimpses of it.

So what if your family had a nanny? Most families have a nanny or babysitter.

So what if your family ordered dinner? The average American family eats out between four and five times a week.

Who cares if you have a cleaning lady? You can hire people on Craigslist to clean your house for twenty dollars.

However if your family does anything like this is all falls back on your step mom, Danneel, and how ‘terrible of a wife and mother’ she is; and you were sick of it.

You tossed your laptop further down your bed and dramatically fell back onto your pillows as you let out a huff.

“How’s the good fight coming?” You heard Danneel ask from your doorway.

“I hate everybody.” You replied in a flat tone while you continued to look at the ceiling.

“I don’t get why you go on that site kiddo, it’s always the same crap. Tumblr is a website filled with trolls.” She told you in a motherly tone.

“I know, it’s just-I don’t get why they’re so hateful, especially towards you. All you’ve done is marry a guy who had a twelve year old daughter, basically raised her as your own, had a baby of your own with the guy, and now you raise his kids so he can go make a TV show that they love; but since you were spotted taking me and JJ to get some barbecue that I wanted the other day, you’re a terrible person who needs to disappear. I just don’t get it.” You said in passionate voice.

“Honey,” Danneel sadly stated as she stopped leaning against the door and made her way towards you. She sat on the bed next to you and opened her arm for you to lean into her. “I don’t get it either, trust me I wish I did. We just gotta have thick skin and not listen to what they say.”

“I just hate it. They don’t know us. They don’t know you. They don’t know the story of this family and how you became my mom because my blood one didn’t want me.” You told her, trying to hold back the tears.

Danneel placed a kiss on your head, “I know sweetheart. We just have to learn to navigate around it.”

You sniffled as you leaned your head on her shoulder, “I hate people.”

Danneel couldn’t help but smile at your antics, “You’re ridiculous.”

“I don’t wanna go to the con next weekend with dad.” You told her.

“Why not?” Danneel questioned, glancing down at you, “You love going to the conventions.”

“Yeah, but, I just want a break from going. Don’t wanna risk running into one of those people.” You replied.

“You can’t let them ruin it for you sweetheart; that let’s them win.” She responded softly.

“Then they can win this round.” You flatly stated.

Danneel wrapped her arm around you and squeezed, “Why don’t you go talk to your dad about it? Maybe you can go with him and see the city then hangout with Misha or Mark for a while on Sunday?”

“Alright, I’ll talk to dad.” You said with a small smile.

“Good, better do it soon, I think he’s gonna rehearse some lines soon. Then come help me make some dinner? Otherwise I’ll go out to get us something and they’ll keep talking about how I feed you chicken nuggets every night or something.” She joked.

You couldn’t help but crack up with her words, “I’ll be down in a few.”

Making your way down the hallway to your dad’s office you couldn’t help but be somewhat nervous. Your dad had told you numerous times to stay off of Tumblr because of the things people would say. You knew he was going to ask what you saw that made you upset and explaining to him what people were saying about the family was always awkward and emotional.

Having to hear that people were saying about your family was always rough.

You were just glad that Danneel was so good about hearing what was being said and ignoring it. She knew it was all crap. She knew that your dad loved her more then anything, besides his kids. She was confident that her family wouldn’t fall apart over what some people were saying on the internet.

You wish you had that confidence.

Your dad met your birth mom when he was new to Hollywood. He was twenty one when you were born and by the time he turned twenty two, your mom had bolted. She left you with him and signed away all her parental rights, saying that she never wanted a child in the first place and that keeping you was a mistake.

A mistake that your father adored from the moment your mom told him she was pregnant.

Jensen was able to balance being a father and steady acting jobs in different television series. He dated occasionally, but his main focus was always you and work. It wasn’t until 2007 when you were nine years old that Danneel came into the picture as Jensen’s serious girlfriend. She’s been your mother ever since and you’ve always been terrified that something would happen and she would leave you, just like your other mom did.

Stopping in front of your father’s door you groaned internally, hating that you were going to have to have a ‘serious conversation’ as he liked to call them. You raised your hand up to knock on the door but stopped when you heard him from the other side; it seemed like he was talking to someone.

Confused, you slightly opened the door so that you could hear what he was saying but stopped cold when you heard him speak again.

“You’re right, I am drawn to you. And it bothers the hell out of me, 'cause I can't control it.“

You turned and high tailed it out of there when you heard that.

What the hell did I just hear?

Should I go back and see who he’s talking to?

Do I tell Mom?

Your mind was running a mile a minute and you had no idea what you were supposed to do. You made your way back to your room and shut the door, hoping it’d be able to keep the world out.

What am I supposed to do?

A week has passed since you overheard your father and it has been the hardest week of your teenage existence.

You avoided your father for that whole week after overhearing him in his office; you avoided Danneel too. You had no idea how to act around either of them or what you should do, it wasn’t a normal situation for a seventeen year old girl.

Jensen and Danneel both realized you had been acting differently but wanted to give you space. They both assumed it was something you found online that upset you and that in time you’d come to them to explain what happened, but seven days had passed and you still hadn’t budged.

It was beginning to worry your parents.

You were slicing up an apple when your dad came walking into the kitchen. Quickly grabbing your apple so you could escape, you moved to leave the room but the exit was blocked by Jensen.

“Hey kiddo, what’s up? Haven’t seen you too much lately.” He said as he leaned against the door.

You shrugged your shoulders before taking a slice of the apple, “Been busy with school.” You replied softly

“So busy you can’t eat dinner with your family any night this week?” Your dad responded before he reached out and grabbed an apple slice from the plate. Your response was to shrug your shoulders again. “Come on kiddo, you used to talk to me. Dee mentioned you saw some more stuff online, but you never came to me.”

“I just, I don’t wanna talk I guess. I’m allowed to not wanna talk.” You told him with an attitude.

“Hey, drop the tone.” Jensen said in his ‘dad voice’. “You know not to speak to anyone like that, especially me.”

You couldn’t help but roll your eyes with his words, “How am I supposed to act? Like the dutiful daughter to the perfect husband in the better then reality family? Too bad Dad, cause that’s not me.”

Jensen looked at you with wide eyes, surprised at your outburst, “Where is this coming from?”

“Just playin’ my part.” You sassed, “Can I go now?”

Jensen stood, shocked for another moment before snapping out of it. He nodded his head before slightly moving off to the side for you to pass. As you left the room Danneel entered from the other side of the kitchen.

“What was that?” She asked, almost out of breath.

“I have no idea.” Jensen replied sadly.

Danneel walked over to him and hugged him from behind, “We need to figure out what’s happening with her, so we can help.”

“Yeah, but I don’t think she’s gonna listen to me.” Jensen told his wife, “Maybe she’ll listen to you though? You know how much you mean to her.”

“I can try.” Danneel responded with a soft smile.

Later that night you were laying in bed watching Sons of Anarchy when there was a knock at your door.

“Go away!” You shouted, returning your attention back to the screen.

Instead of going away the door to your room opened, “Hey sweetheart, what’s up?” Danneel asked as she walked into your room.

You let out a huff, “Watching TV and enjoying some alone time.”

“You’ve had a lot of alone time lately.” She went straight to the point before sitting on your bed.

“I don’t wanna talk about it.” You told her in an upset tone, “Please just leave me alone.” This was the first time you’d actually talked to Danneel since overhearing your father and you could feel the guilt rising in you. You wanted to shout at her that something was going on. That you were scared. That you needed help and didn’t know what to do.

Whenever you had a problem you could go to your dad or Danneel, only with this you couldn’t.

“Sweetie, what’s wrong?” Danneel asked in a worried tone.

“I don’t know what to do.” You said as you felt tears begin to build behind your eyes.

“Honey, about what?” She questioned as he opened up her arms for you.

You quickly dove into her as the tears began to fall, “I’m so scared Mom.”

“Of what?” She begged you to tell her; she knew something was wrong and that you were holding back. Shaking your head at her question, Danneel took your face in her hands so that you were looking her in the eye. “Y/N, I can’t make it better if you don’t tell me what’s wrong.”

Holding back a sob you shook your head, “Dad’s gonna ruin everything.”

Danneel looked at you confused but you just dove into her chest again, “What do you mean he’s gonna ruin everything?” Shaking your head you continued to fall apart in Danneel arm’s as the pressure and fear of what you heard was crashing down on you.

“I don’t wanna lose you. I don’t wanna lose my family.” You tearfully replied.

“I don’t know what happened but he’s not doing anything wrong sweetheart. You’ll always have this family.” She told you before placing a kiss on your head, “Even if something did happen between your dad and me you wouldn’t lose this family. JJ is still your sister and I’m still your mom. I promise.”

The next morning you still refused to speak with your father and it was starting to worry both of them; especially after what you had told Danneel. Jensen was scheduled to fly out later that day to film in Vancouver and he decided if you hadn’t opened up to him by then, that you’d be going with him. It was something that happened often once you started to do homeschooling in your early teenage years.

You weren’t too happy when he informed you of the trip you’d be going on with him but packed your bags without objection, knowing it’d just make things worse if you fought him on it.

There was obvious tension when you flew to Vancouver, however you still stayed close to your father and he threw his arm around you in a protective manner when the paparazzi approached the pair of you at the airport.

Other then that you ignored Jensen the entire time.

It wasn’t until he took you on set the next day that you actually spoke to him.

“We’re filming this scene then we can go grab some lunch, I think catering brought in your favorite pizza place today.” He told you with a smile. You looked up at him from the iPad and gave him a blank stare before glancing back down. Letting out a sigh he walked to his mark, wondering what was going on and how to break through to you.

You spent most of the time scrolling around on Pinterest and occasionally looking up. You noticed that Emily was shooting a scene with your father which made you smile; Emily was always kind and fun to be around.

Returning your attention to the iPad you were pinning something you wanted to do to your room when you heard your father say something that made you whip your head up at the scene.

“Are you kidding me?” You whispered to yourself as everything became clear. You couldn’t help but put your face in your hands as you recalled everything from that day.

Your dad is practicing his lines.

You’re right. I am drawn to you.

You running away before you could hear any more.

“I am so dumb.” You said while beginning to cringe over the thought of the apology and explaining you were gonna have to do.

You watched them film the rest of the scene as you mulled over what you were going to say to your dad when he walked over. You were chewing on your nails when Jensen approached you, a concerned look on his face when he realized how apprehensive you looked.

“You okay kiddo?” He asked softly.

You shot him a forced smile and gulped, “I have some explaining to do...” You trailed off.

“You finally gonna tell me what’s been going on and why you think I’m gonna ruin the family?” Jensen asked softly as he motioned you to follow him to his trailer.

As the door shut you shot him another grimace, “I might have heard you practicing your lines saying you were drawn to someone after I read a bunch of hate against Mom and how you regretted marrying her and so I heard that and ran away before listening to more and didn’t know what to do and was worried that our family was gonna fall apart and that I was gonna lose Mom and I can’t lose her, I lost my other mom and I just can’t lose her and I thought I was gonna so I blamed you but I couldn’t talk about what I heard so-” You spoke so quickly that Jensen almost couldn’t understand you.

“Woh, Y/N take a breather.” He interrupted you, “You heard me practicing my lines saying I was drawn to someone and thought I was cheating on Danneel?” You grimaced at your father which was the only answer he needed, “Seriously?” He questioned in an annoyed tone.

“Sorry?” You offered.

Jensen rubbed his forehead and dragged his hand down his face, “You’re gonna be the cause of my death kid.” He paused for a moment before beginning again, “How many times do I have to tell you not to look at that crap?”

You shrugged your shoulders and looked down at your shoes, “I’m sorry dad.” You stated, feeling like a scolded puppy.

Jensen just shook his head at you, “Were you planning on just ignoring me until you went off to college in a few years?”

Again you shrugged your shoulders, not sure how to respond. “I’m sorr-”

“Just stop.” Jensen interrupted you, letting out a sigh he spoke again, “We still have another hour of filming. You stay here and I’ll come grab you before we head back to the studio.” He told you before opening the door and walking out; the door slammed in the process leaving you there to feel even more guilty than ever.

Jensen groaned as he stepped back towards set. He was confused and annoyed about the situation he found himself in and wish Jared was there filming with him so he had someone to talk to.

As if the universe knew he needed to talk to someone, Jensen’s phone started to ring and Danneel’s name popped up on the screen. Hitting the answer button he let out a breath, “Hey babe.”

“Hey Jay, how’s operation ‘get the teenager to talk’ going?” Danneel asked.

“Mission accomplished, now I just gotta figure out how to react.” Jensen answered.

“What do you mean? What was going on?” Danneel pushed to understand what was happening.

Taking another breath Jensen began to explain what happened; how you overheard him practicing lines and thought that he was cheating on Danneel. How she didn’t know who to talk to. How you were afraid to lose your family. The more Jensen explained it the more he was beginning to see it from your point of view and understood why you were behaving the way you were. It wasn’t until Danneel said something to him that he felt guilty.

“She was just worried about her family Jay,” Danneel said softly, “Her mom left her and she was worried I was gonna leave too. She didn’t wanna betray you but she also didn’t want to keep something from me. She’s only seventeen and was put in a position she wasn’t prepared for. Go easy on her.”

Jensen came back from filming the scene and was ready to make everything better with you. The guilt was rising with him as he chewed over what Danneel had told him and he knew he needed to make it better; especially because he knew you were beating yourself up over it.

“Hey sweetheart.” He said as he walked into his trailer.

You looked up from your book and gave him a small smile, “Hi Daddy.” You said in a quiet tone.

“I think we need to talk.” He told you. Nodding your head you placed your book down and gave him your full attention. He sat down next to you and grabbed your hand. “I know you think I’m mad at you, but I’m not. I talked to Danneel and she-”

“You told Mom?” You asked in a nervous tone.

“I did, but she understood and she helped me better understand. You were worried about the family and that you’d lose another mom, but baby, I promise you that I’ll never do anything to put the family in jeopardy like that.” Your dad said in a strong voice, “You’re never gonna lose Danneel or the family we have now,” A smile broke out on his face, “As a matter of fact our family is gonna be growing even more soon.”

You looked up at your father’s face with a large smile, “Dee’s pregnant?” You asked.

Jensen nodded, “She is. We just found out, gotta go to the doctor’s and everything. We were gonna wait to tell you, but I figured this would just help make our point. The family isn’t going anywhere sweetheart.”

Nodding your head, Jensen pulled you into a tight hug before placing a kiss on your head, “And stop calling Danneel anything other then mom. She’s basically been your mom since you were nine years old.”

You let out a chuckle, “I know, it’s just a habit I guess since she’s not my actual mom.”

“Yeah she is.” You dad said with a smile, “She’s known you since you were a toddler and she’s spent more time raising you then I have these last few years. She’s your mom kiddo. She signed the adoption papers years ago. She’s just as much your mom as she is JJ’s and the new baby’s.”

With a grin on your face you looked down at your feet while you soaked in your dad’s words. It was something you already knew, but you were just always so afraid that your perfect family would come crumbling down and you’d lose it all.

“Now let’s get going, Jared texted me saying that catering has Troni’s and the shaved ice truck is there too.” Your dad said excitedly, “Only I think you’re gonna be missing out on the shaved ice.”

“What? Why?” You asked disappointed.

“Well, you can have some on one condition.” He offered.

“Name it.” You replied quickly.

“You can’t shut me out like you did.” His tone going from light hearted to serious, “I mean it. I thought we could always talk about anything and I need your word that you won’t try to block me out like you did.”

You quickly nodded your head, “I promise Dad, besides, it was really hard to ignore you all week. You were like this annoying buzzing fly that wouldn’t go away.” You joked.

Letting out a scoff, Jensen lightly shoved your arm, “You’re such a twerp.”

“I must get it from you.” You sassed back instantly.

Jensen gasped, “That’s it, no shaved ice for you.”

“I’ll just ask Uncle Jared for some then.” You replied as you jumped out of the trailer, “He likes me more anyways.”

“Does not!” Jensen shouted as he followed you out the door.

“Does too!”

“Does not!”

“Does too!”

[junker-town]

Relationship drama rules the day on ‘The Challenge: Total Madness’

Plus, did someone use good strategy this week?!

We picked up this week where we left off last week: wondering if Jay was alive or not. He was, in fact, alive, and had the wind knocked out of him when Rogan body slammed him into an alternate dimension. After medics finally tended to Jay, they determined that he should be fine to keep going. So, keep going he did. Jay amended his strategy on the next two attempts at getting the flaming ball into the bucket by shooting it basketball style, but is way off both times.

Then it was Rogan’s turn to try and score. Before TJ Lavin could even light the game ball on fire, however, Jay asked for some clarification on the rules from a producer.

Jay: Can you explain to me the rules again?

Producer: Your job is to knock the ball out of his hand.

Jay: Ok.

Producer: If the ball hits the ground, it’s a reset. Just like what you just did, it’s three resets. After the third — after it hits the ground...

Jay: What are the rules?

Producer: What are the rules?

It’s at this point we all realize that something is very, very wrong and Jay absolutely SHOULD NOT be competing anymore. He proceeds to ask the producer if he went three times, because he can only remember two of them. Yikes.

Jay once again (thankfully) meets with the medics who determine that yes, he should absolutely go to the hospital.

MTV

As you can probably guess, Jay was medically DQ’d and had to go home, which is a shame because I was really starting to like him. Rogan took over the spot of being the lone male competitor with a Red Skull, but his delight in the whole situation was unsettling.

The rest of the pre-competition episode was draining. Bananas and Wes decided to pour gasoline on the Kailah and Bear situation, resulting in the former duo decorating Bear’s bed with hearts, towel swans, and a basket of grapes. They, of course, take it way too far by taking Kailah’s pictures of her and her (now ex-)boyfriend and taping them to the ceiling above the bed.

Look, I get it. Pranks happen nonstop in the house, and if you’re going to be kissing Bear in the bathroom and think 1) he’s not going to tell anyone and 2) the house won’t tease you, you’re delusional. But woof, that was tough to watch. Kailah realizes that the bad decision she made by even entertaining Bear’s flirting was actually a horrible decision, and it’s tougher to watch knowing it legitimately ruins her relationship.

Then there’s Zach and Jenna. The couple has had a non-stop on-again, off-again relationship since they met six years ago on The Challenge. This season, Jenna and Zach are dating, but only she came on the show. He apparently found some old DMs between Jenna and someone she dated during one of their off-again spells in the relationship, and it doesn’t go well.

He wants her to come home, and it seems like an overreaction of epic proportions. Thanks to some internet sleuthing (read: unsubstantiated tweets), it seems that one of the reasons Zach could want Jenna to come home is that the DMs are between her and Corey, another member of the Challenge bunker.

Jenna decides to stay and becomes the third member of the Tribunal, but we’ll see if she either goes into the elimination or removes herself.

Physical challenge

It’s [checks notes] Fast and the Furious Week! Sure, why not. Competitors are split into teams of two — a guy and a girl — and have to collect 10 puzzle pieces while hanging off the side of a huge, moving truck. They’re tethered together, making it much more difficult to reach the pieces. Once they get all of the pieces, the duo has to put the puzzle together. There’s a time limit of seven minutes, and fastest time wins. Easy, right?

MTV

Wrong. Only three teams completed it: Nany and Jordan, Bananas and Melissa, and Bear and Kaycee. A handful of teams were disqualified for dropping pieces, and a bunch of the teams just couldn’t reach some of the pieces as they battled against the tension of the tether.

Winners: Jordan and Nany

Most ridiculous moment

For the challenge, super-vet Aneesa is paired with loud-mouthed Nelson. How do you feel about that partnership, Aneesa?

MTV

“That’s how I feel about being partnered with Nelson.” — Aneesa

Her feelings are validated very shortly after as he loses his mind when he thinks Aneesa throws the challenge.

Nelson, dude. What’s going on? During the competition, Aneesa dropped a puzzle piece, leading Nelson to believe that she threw the competition so she could ... go in against Jenna? His logic (loose term here) is that everyone thinks that Jenna is a layup because of her relationship woes back home, which, fair. It just doesn’t make any sense why she would throw the challenge. Does he think Nany and Jordan would put her in the Tribunal? That she was hoping she’d get picked by them to compete? That the house was automatically going to vote Jenna in, setting Aneesa up for a chance to go against her?

Ok, a lot of moving parts, but fine. Let’s say that all happens. Why does Nelson care? It’s a women’s week for elimination. Does he not want her to get a Red Skull? Is this just some stand over the integrity of the game?

His blow up does nothing but make the rest of the house annoyed because it’s so blown out of proportion, and no one but Nelson thinks she threw the challenge. Can’t wait for him to get voted in next week!

Episode MVP

Shout out to Jordan for actually seeming to use some good strategy this week. He had the benefit of being the one guy that had to complete the challenge twice as a result of the uneven numbers, and he and his first partner Nany crushed it (things weren’t as smooth on his second run with Bayleigh). They were in the first wave, completed the event, and finished with the fastest time. As mentioned above, Nany picked her BFF Jenna to be in the Tribunal with them.

At first, I thought it was super weird that he didn’t pick his fiancé, Tori, to be the third member. But after his explanation it makes a little bit of sense. If someone weak is voted in, the Tribunal could vote Tori in to get her Skull (if Nany or Jenna don’t want to risk it). If Tori is voted in by the house, Jordan has more say over who she faces as a member of the Tribunal. I ... don’t hate it?

Red Skulls

With his win over Jay, Rogan became the lone guy with a Red Skull. Dee and Jenny have Red Skulls for the women’s side.

Power Rankings

5. Nany

4. Kaycee

3. Johnny

2. Jordan

1. Jenny

[stevecanmakeanythingnerdy]

RANDOM RECORD WORKOUT SEASON 5 Battle 15 Single Bullet Theory: S/T (Side 1) Vs. The Alarm: Strength (Side 2) Single Bullet Theory: S/T (Side 1) I literally know nothing about this band, other than this: When I came across this album, I was immediately drawn in. I saw a colorful, attention grabbing cover filled with squirt guns, and on the flip side were five regular looking dudes with one exception. They looked (respectively) like the children of Ric Ocasik, Dee Dee Ramone, and Bun E. Love. Now mind you, in my eyes, those are NOT bad things. Also, I took note that this was released on Nempor records (home of power pops like The Romantics) so I figured it was a least worth the 99 cent admission price. In short, another of my cut out bin gambles. So this is literally my first spin of this record. My initial impression: I was not wrong to pick this up. Elements of all three aforementioned fathers are present (Cars, Ramones, Cheap Trick) and some Romantics and even a little of The Kings and things! A little research reveals that the band came up with the cover concept that I was drawn to all by themselves! It is actually common practice for a label to appoint someone for art design, so that is fairly rare. It really is pretty neat though. Single Bullet Theory are legit power pop dudes from Richmond, Virginia. The band was originally founded in 1976 under the name X-Breed. SBT adopted the new moniker after the addition of a guitarist and bassist to the original three-person lineup. They self-released an EP in 1977 and by 1979 were opening for Patti Smith. After landing a song on the Asylum Sharp Cuts compilation album, they signed with Mike Curb Productions, but left the label before releasing any material. In 1982 they signed to CBS Records subsidiary Nemperor and released a full-length album. The single "Keep it Tight" appeared on MTV and is effectively song one, side one. The video (see below) is hilarious BTW. Basically the EP and this album are their full dscog. "Keep it Tight" - Right off the bat, you are hit with sweet power pop bliss. A short and tight (they were not joking!) tune. "Slide Away" was probably slated as a single if I were guessing. Slick keyboard presence with nice rhythms and power chords. A Pretty layered dip here. Nice and with a little harder edge. "Hang on to Your Heart" is complete, 100% 80's night tracks, baby. If there isn't a video somewhere for this I would be surprised. "A Blink of an Eye" is probably the biggest highlight here for me. Holy $#!7!! A great, floating melody surrounded by hooks, lines, and sink my battleship! This one is SURELY a radio jam. If not, I hope someone at the label lost a job for not making it so. The final number is "Das Madchen" (translation: the Lady). It's umlaut core Essets!! Ironically, no Deutsch is spoken(???) Power chord peppered pieces of pop corn. I smell Phil Spector...no??? At any rate, it was a fine find, and a great specimen of the power pop genre. The Alarm: Strength (Side 2) The Alarm are generally billed as a Clash style knock off. Or maybe what The Clash would have evolved into if they hadn't self destructed. Personally, I even hear some Stray Cats. Stand outs are certainly the drums and vocals. The Alarm are a Welsh alternative rock/new wave band that formed in Rhyl, Wales, in 1981. Initially formed as a punk band, "The Toilets" in 1977, under lead vocalist Mike Peters, the band soon embraced rock, displaying marked influences from Welsh language and culture. By opening for acts such as U2 and Bob Dylan, they became a popular alternative rock band of the 1980s. Strength is their second studio offering, and experienced some delay in the recording process. The band had a producer lined up, that agreed to come overseas to record. However, they never showed and some crucial dates for a summer tour were about to take place. The band adapted though, and did the dates, then found a new producer and in October of 1985, Strength his the shelves. "Deeside" starts off poppy, nice and choppy. I totally hear the Clash thing. Even a bit of The Lords of the New Church. The energy level never lets up. "Father to Son" is more of a Reggae-ish tune, sounds more funky than anything. Maybe Men without Hats if they did just straight up punk. "Only The Thunder" is something I can only describe as a kind of punk-country version of U2. I am starting to become confused and disoriented. "The Day The Ravens Left The Tower" is next on the set list. While I love the evil sounding title, the fitting somber tone of the guitar licks that follow are the real impressive quality. Then...it gets serious. Fly Away!!!! "Absolute Reality" brings back the blitzy fitz and frantic vocals that reel you in. I can't really find an accurate descriptor, but it seems to be a lighthearted, almost folk and acoustic version of the Clash. I don't mean B. A. D. Either (#seewhatididthere). "Walk Forever By My Side" just ruins the whole credibility of anything up to this point, though. Complete rubbish and piano ballad. Honey bunches of NOPE! And Really, not even needed if you ask me. Single Bullet Theory didn't call in a second shooter (#seewhatididthere) but they did call in one heck of a performance. They blitzed through 5 songs in 18 minutes and burned 140 calories in the process. That is 28 calories per song and 7.78 calories per minute. The Alarm used their "Strength" to overcome production woes and to sound the Alarm. They burned 168 calories over 24 minutes and 6 songs. That is 28 calories per song and 7 calories flat per minute. Impressive, but not enough to avoid the Single Bullet, shot straight to number 1! Single Bullet Theory wins!! Listen for yourself! Check out the links: Single Bullet Theory: "Keep It Tight" (I'm pretty sure this video features Gary Busey as, "guy in the shower") https://youtu.be/e6GlwoUR1e8 The Alarm: "Deeside" https://youtu.be/WCFv4XL2E6g #RANDOMRECORDWORKOUTSEASON5 #RANDOMRECORDWORKOUT

[rdplumbing-blog]

Everything That Your Emergency Plumber Dee Why Can Help You With

A plumber’s job can often be one which is easily undermined, misunderstood or even hold an ill reputation. However, where do you think you would stand if you suddenly came across a plumbing emergency? Your Emergency Plumber Dee Why can come to the rescue, saving you from all of your plumbing woes. Most people associate Emergency Plumber Dee Why with just those miracle men who can come and fix your leaky sink or your cracked bathroom pipes in the middle of the night during an emergency. Very few people are aware that their plumbers are actually trained and experienced to do other tasks as well. Some things you didn’t know your Emergency Plumber Dee Why could do •   Your plumber in Dee Why can not only repair, but also inspect your plumbing pipes, drains and sinks and find out exactly what you have been flushing down the drains. It is best not to use your sink and your toilets as a garbage can, as it could clog your drain pipes and lead to serious issues. A plumber is trained to inspect your drain pipes, diagnose the problem and unclog your drains with the best, most advanced tools and equipment’s. •    Your plumber can also provide you with plumbing installation services. These include services such as installing specific plumbing parts and fixtures, or even installing an entire plumbing system on their own. They can install sinks, faucets, shower heads, toilets, garbage disposals, and much more. Not just that, their installation services also extend to installing water filters, water heaters, handicap fixtures, and many other plumbing installation services. •    Plumbing Dee Why services also extend to water heater services. This means that your plumber in Dee Why is trained and experienced to clean out deposits from the water tank, service all the heating elements, make sure the temperature is correct, provide regular maintenance and repair, eliminate hard water, and also check, repair and replace the valves. •    Plumbers are also trained to repair and service drain and sewer lines. You can call your emergency plumber to drain and unclog your sewer lines; inspect the sewer lines using video equipment, and remove grease, dirt, soap, oil and other deposits in a professional and safe manner. •    Your home might be having old pipes which are clogged, not up to date with the recent codes or even those which are making your water taste brackish. A plumber is trained and experienced to remove and replace these old pipes, upgrading them with new ones. By hiring licensed plumber for services of plumbing Dee Why, you can ensure that you receive timely services of trained, experienced and licensed plumbers. Your plumbing Dee Why might face problems at any time of any day, and if you avoid fixing it at the earliest, you could sustain great structural damage and even cause the formation of mould and mildew. Ensure that your plumbing is always up to date and you receive the best services in Dee Why from experienced plumbers.

[yahoo-roto-arcade-blog]

MLB Stock Watch: Trevor Cahill rising, Trevor Story falling

Trevor Cahill highlights this week’s look at recent risers and fallers in fantasy baseball (Getty Images)

STOCK UP

Trevor Cahill: It’s been just five starts, and Cahill’s control remains something of an issue, but he has 37 strikeouts over 30.0 innings. He also sports a 1.17 WHIP and batters are hitting .214 against him this season. Cahill is throwing his curveball at a far greater frequency than ever before with terrific results, and his 13.2 SwStr% would rank top-10 among starters (and among those ahead of him, only the injured Noah Syndergaard has a higher GB% than Cahill’s 57.3). Maybe Cahill will turn back into a pumpkin, but these numbers are beyond impressive, and he’s pitching in Petco Park and in the NL West. There’s nothing lucky about a 29.8 K% that’s top-10 among all starters in MLB. Cahill is owned in just 19 percent of Yahoo leagues right now. It should be closer to 100 percent.

Mark Reynolds: Since joining the Rockies, Reynolds is now at 498 at bats with a .289 batting average. And the power remains, as he’s currently on pace to finish this season with 49 homers and 130 RBI. Reynolds is batting fifth behind good hitters, and he’s currently available in a quarter of leagues despite being the No. 20 ranked fantasy player over the first month of the season.

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Yonder Alonso: A former top-10 draft pick, Alonso had become an afterthought, going undrafted in the vast majority of leagues. He’s batting .305/.387/.585, as his .972 OPS ranks in the top-20 in all of baseball. Alonso hit seven homers in 482 at bats last season (he’s never reached double-digit home runs in a season during his career), but he’s hit six bombs so far this year in 82 at bats. He’s a poor defender, but Alonso has transformed into a huge flyball hitter (his 48.4 FB% ranks No. 12 among all hitters), so the newfound power might not be a fluke. He’s owned in less than 10 percent of leagues.

Dee Gordon: He had four steals over his first 98 at bats this season but has since recorded five stolen bases over his following 16 at bats. He’s been caught stealing just once all season, so expect the latter to represent his value more so than the former moving forward. Gordon’s stolen base potential as a middle infielder gives him the upside of a top-25 type hitter, which many wouldn’t treat him as given last year’s suspension and this year’s slow start.

A.J. Pollock: He wasn’t exactly overlooked at draft tables entering the year despite only reaching 450 at bats one time during his career, but Pollock once again looks like a truly elite fantasy asset, thanks in part to the crazy green lights Arizona players have been given on the base paths. Pollock is on pace to finish with 115 runs scored and 58 steals while batting .309, and more homers are sure to come. Chase Field is one of the three best hitter’s parks in baseball (not necessarily for dimensional reasons in which I explain during this podcast) so he’s in an extremely beneficial spot while hitting leadoff. Only health will prevent him from being a first round pick next year.

STOCK DOWN

Trevor Story: No one expected him to keep up last year’s home run pace, when he knocked out 27 homers in 372 at bats as a rookie. But Story has been one of the biggest disappointments this year, as he currently sports an anemic .155/.268/.381 line. He does have six homers, but that’s been accompanied by just four other extra-base hits in 97 ABs, and it’s probably worth noting he’s coming off thumb surgery that could still be an issue. Story will almost certainly bounce back (it’s crazy he has a .451 OPS against right-handed pitchers so far this year) and still benefits from Coors Field, but it’s been a highly discouraging start for the shortstop, who has the second-highest K% (38.4) in all of baseball right now.

Jackie Bradley Jr.: He was one of the bigger surprises last year, when Bradley Jr. ended May with nine homers and a .331/.409/.601 line. It’s been all downhill from there, including an ugly start to 2017, when he’s gone .175/.250/.263, and his 36 wRC+ ranks in the bottom 10 among all hitters in baseball. It’s not easy playing regularly in Boston’s lineup and in Fenway Park and not scoring a run since April 22 (but then again, the Pirates have somehow scored more runs than Boston this season). JBJ has hit .138/.219/.207 with the bases empty this year, and he sure looks like a bust so far.

Jose Bautista: I was all in on a Bautista bounce back this season, but more than a month into the season, he’s sitting at .187/.315/.280 and as the No. 543 ranked fantasy player. His average exit velocity ranks No. 63 among hitters, and I still say he’s a buy-low candidate, but Bautista is 36 years old, and he’s struck out six of his last nine at bats, so there’s some cause for concern here.

Rich Hill: I loved Hill as much as anyone entering the year, as while his career path was as rare as any you’ll ever see, it was hard to argue against the performance when he was on the mound. But once again he’s now dealing with a blister that dates back to last year, and he was blasted during his recent rehab start. I love Hill and his situation in LA, and it’s nice his recent injury woes haven’t involved his arm, but at this point he simply can’t be trusted, which is a shame.

Mike Napoli: He had a 92-34-101 season last year, but he’s currently sporting a .518 OPS with a bunch of strikeouts. Hitters who fan a lot and hit a bunch of flyballs are inherently streaky, and it’s going to especially standout to fantasy owners when it happens in April as opposed to the middle of the year. He should be fine moving forward, but it’s definitely been ugly for his owners so far, as his walk rate is down, his K rate is up and his BABIP has been ridiculously low at .191. That’s not exactly a great combination.

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