#DayOneHundredAndSix | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

elle-stevens · 5 years ago

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The Break Up Blog - Day One Hundred and Six

It’s kinda annoying that Tumblr’s phone app doesn’t let me put a title for my blogs anymore.

Are they ever going to fix that software?

One minute, the title option was there. The next, it just vanished...

Whatever.

Today was pretty crap.

But it started off pretty thanks to me.

I ran out of ingredients to make breakfast. So I decided to order McDonalds breakfast.

Ex-cept that McDonalds randomly decided not to service my neighbourhood anymore. So I had to cancel my order and get a refund en route to work.

That wasn’t too bad. The guy who handled my refund felt really bad about not being to help me, even though I was a total bitch to him. I mellowed out when he offered to give me a discount next time I came to McDonalds, which I felt was unncecessary. It wasn’t his fault that McDonalds changed their delivery policies. So I told him not to worry about it and we actually had a nice talk after that.

I think I might have made another Chinese friend, and a male one too at that. All of my Chinese friends here are female so far, so it’s nice to mix things up occasionally.

After that, I ordered a breakfast Danish and a chocolate muffin from Starbucks. Instead of a 1-hour delivery, it took close to 2 hours for the delivery to arrive.

Needless to say, I was kind of a grouch with everyone in my office all morning. But I did perk up 20 minutes before my first class while eating my Danish...

Urgh, my classes were so crap today. So I lectured my third graders about their bratty behaviour, I threatened my fourth grade boys about fighting and not following the classroom rules and most of my firth graders lost their daily classroom point for failing to do their homework.

Only sixth grade got a minor scolding in comparison and I told them what they were doing was rude behaviour. One of my sixth grade boys asked me what ‘rude’ meant and I showed him by getting him to talk to me and interrupting him by talking to someone else as a demonstration.

I’d like to think that it was teachable moment...

At least I’m home now. I bought a scrumptious chicken burrito and sweet potato fries because I can’t be bothered to cook tonight. I didn’t even buy eggs for tomorrow’s breakfast to avoid today’s shenanigans.

Worst case scenario: I’ll eat ramen for breakfast tomorrow and call it a day.

I’m chairing Model United Nations for the high school students tomorrow, which I’m a bit nervous about. The Student Council President was nice enough to print a script for me for tomorrow’s proceedings, so hopefully I won’t sound like a derpy idiot when I speak. I’m gonna rehearse through it again tonight and hopefully put it out of my mind till tomorrow afternoon.

Weirdly enough, I don’t care that much about how the student delegates will perform. Mainly because I know they’ll make a few mistakes, but mostly do a fantastic job at the end of it.

I don’t trust myself nearly enough to do the same thing.

I felt pretty depressed last night and for most of the day. I’m worried about my family back home. My mom’s up to her wily tricks again and G’s seriously thinking about cutting her out of her life.

I can’t blame her: G’s definitely been hurt the most by our mother over the years. I definitely think she needs some healthy space and distance from my mom for a while, maybe even indefinitely.

It feels like my family is falling apart, brick by brick. I guess our dynamic has been in a state of decay for decades. Now, the mouldy pieces can’t hold themselves together anymore.

It makes me nervous about going home during my winter holidays, but I’ll try not to stress too much about it for right now.

I’m finding that I’m starting to think less and less of X with each passing day. But when I do think of her, it really smarts deep in my chest, even for a split second.

A few minutes ago, I caught myself thinking of how good she looks wearing a bathing suit.

An errant thought, but one that still brought me pain somehow.

She was so beautiful in my eyes before. When did she get so ugly on the inside?

Or maybe she really was ugly on the inside all along.

I hope it gets easier to think of her in the future without hurting myself in the process.

I only felt a slight twinge of heartache when I went into my address book in my phone earlier in the day and thought of the blank space at the top where X’s address used to be.

I’m going home for my winter holidays in January. And next year in July, I won’t be going to the Philippines to see X as per usual. Even my uncle and aunt, who bought a house in Clarke, literally moved to Portugal yesterday.

All arrows don’t point to the Philippines for me anymore.

Maybe I’ll go there again in the future, but to an island or two next time around. It would be nice to find beautiful things in the Philippines again.

But not right now, it still stings too much.

Alright, enough philosophising. Time to go prep for the MUN tomorrow.

My ex, CH, told me to say ‘delegate’ three times fast to get over the tongue-tied sensation I had saying it last night.

CH’s technique totally worked!

And after reading through the MUN script is over, I have a hot date with a sultry and tasty chocolate muffin from Starbucks.

#breakupblog #dayonehundredandsix

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