#Darren criss I will never forgive you

[artinvain]

“culturally queer” , “growing up gay” stfu 😭😭🤫

[thestrangestthlng]

Public Figures Owe You Nothing

Same thing, different fandom. Now, my first soiree into internet fandom was Glee nearly fifteen years ago. Given insane popularity of the show and one of their two main couples, Klaine, and Darren Criss being a straight man, I am no stranger to the "only gay (out) queer actors should play queer roles" argument.

I don't necessarily disagree completely. Queer actors should be highlighted in queer roles. But guess what, the film industry is shit.

Not everyone is out, can afford to be out, is ready to come out publicly, or cares to have anyone in their business. There is a huge number of fans who are way too invested in the parasocial relationships with their "favs" and cross lines.

It's a tale as old as time. Darren Criss' now wife, Mia (Swier), was mercilessly harassed online and honestly in person. I distinctly remember people MAILING her things. There was an incredible amount of hate directed towards her because SHE wasn't a HE and a group of fans were hellbent that he and Chris Colfer were secretly in a relationship, even though both were happily in their own relationships. (Both of them are actually still IN those relationships and I love that for them.)

Someone gave Dannell Ackles (wife of Jensen Ackles) a gift at an event. When she reached it she was cut by a bunch of rusty hooks in a fucking voodoo doll.

One of the NSYNC members (I can't remember if it were Chris or Joey) ended up being broken up with by their partner at the time because of the amount of hate they were getting.

This came up because someone said on instagram that they "will not be watching [RWRB]" because [Taylor and Nicholas] "are not out" and "they are gay for pay". So, me being me, says to them that the actors owe you nothing. Their sexuality/gender identity is no one's concern but their own.

Also, it was really disgusting what alot of Heartstopper did to Kit. He's just a baby and they strong armed him to coming out before he was ready and made him feel like he had to justify it. Cruel irony being that it's the exact opposite of the point of the books, and exact opposite of his character. I'll never forgive them for what they did to my son.

I went on to tell them that Hollywood is shit. It's homophobic, racist, sexist, xenophobic, transphobic, everything phobic. They like beautiful and handsome, classically beautiful, white, straight actors that fit into their perfect mold. As soon as actors come out they get type cast, lose rolls (because how could a homosexual portray intimacy with a woman? It's not like they are actors or anything). I, of course, got blocked because they didn't agree with me and that's fine.

Did you know that many actors in the union don't even make the $26,000 a year that is required to qualify for health insurance? Most actors are working class. Yes, many acquire a net worth, but it's honestly one huge disaster from losing what they have. The median salary for actors in the US is about 60K a year. So why would a working class actor or even a upper middle class actor, want to potentially dismantle their career trajectory by telling something that is really no one's concern anyway?

Not everyone wants to be stuck in a Ryan Murphy rotation. Maybe once we get more queer film and show makers and Hollywood execs start to fuck off we'll get more. I'm 99% sure that RWRB is the ONLY gay romcom without underlying trauma porn. The only other one that comes close is a Christmas movie.

Actors are still human and deserve privacy. They owe fans nothing. Their partners deserve privacy. If they are queer good for them. If they are not, good for them. But fans don't get to dictate who comes out and when. So yes, we want more queer actors in queer roles, but we don't get to decide if the ones who are not open get to have these roles. Sometimes it is who is best for the role.

As far as RWRB: Neither Taylor nor Nicholas have ever made any public statements on their sexuality and are both private people when it comes to their relationships. It's really goofy that people think it's an appropriate question to ASK them personally. Interview or not.

All that matters to me is that they killed that online and the characters they acted were madly in love with each other.

Moral of the story: they can want someone and love some one and not want that life for them. Neil Patrick Harris and David Burtka were together for three years before they came out and that's when NPH came out - at 34 on his terms, as it should be. Some people really missed the message of the book; that queer people deserve to come out when and how THEY want to.

/Ted Talk

[flutegirl0422]

so I recently returned to this blog after a few years and one of the first things that greeted me was an anon ask. initially I deleted it and carried on, but I can't sleep so let's talk about it.

for a long time I had Harry Potter listed as one of my main fandoms in my bio. you'll see that it's no longer there. it's specifically because of this ask. they- rightfully - pointed out that publicly voicing support for that franchise in the current climate isn't really the best look if you claim to be trans affirming. I will grant that they didn't explicitly cite trans issues as their problem, but I can take a hint. also, it's not a fandom i am super involved in anyway, so i might as well make the update.

the thing that bothered me about this message was not the call out itself - it's a fair one. but they also told me to just let it go. just give it up. and respectfully, anon, I'm not gonna give it up.

I am probably preaching to the choir here, but Harry Potter - specifically the fandom - is a huge part of my life. I don't publicize it very much now, but I can't pretend that it didn't shape who I am today.

however, I don't credit the queen of TERF Island with that influence. yes, her books were super engaging for young me and they helped me learn about a lot of things in a relatively age appropriate way. but to me Harry Potter is midnight releases, cosplay contests, ship wars. the people I associate with Harry Potter are people like Emerson Spartz, Darren Criss and Team Starkid, the folks at Fandom Forward, and all the amazing friends I have made along the way. I would never have written a story, never written a song, never learned photoshop, never done many of the things I've done in my life without that community. the reason we were all together in the first place was because we loved the wizard school book, so forgive me for being a bit attached to it.

yes, trans hate is on the rise - it is absolutely a massive issue that the author of those books is actively contributing to. I have made the active decision not to financially support her or the franchise moving forward, and I encourage everyone to do the same. but, anon, I'm sure you have The One Fandom that started it all for you. perhaps, then, you'll understand that having it listed in my bio was not a personal attack, nor was it intended to be an attack on anyone. I simply wanted to find other people who enjoy the same things I did. even though it's not in my bio anymore, Harry Potter isn't an experience I'll be able to let go of. if that means you need to let go of me, then please do.

this will probably be the last time I post about HP on here, but if anyone wants to remember the good ole days of mugglenet forums and and the giant squid/hogwarts tower fanfic, you know where to find me.

[lu-morningstar]

Lover - Chris Evans [Headcanon]

pairing: Chris Evans x singer!reader

summary: a navigation through your love relationship with Chris. Part 2 of reputation. Enjoy loves <3

Feedback, comments, likes, and reblogs are always appreciated <3

Oh, to love and be loved back. That’s what you always wanted and, for almost all of your life, you thought that feeling -to be in love- was burning red, but it was golden (like daylight)

After touring with Reputation, changing music labels, and signing with Netflix to film one of your concerts, you took a break.

You and Chris took well-deserved vacations. Most of the time nobody knew who you were, but on a rare occasion, the paparazzi caught you. Or someone would stare and say "you look like an American singer", you and Chris laughing it off.

Chris and you never made anything official to the public, but most of your fandom knew you two were together after catching him at concerts.

You just enjoy each other without the pressure of the public.

You would skip music events that you knew were using you for views and go to movie events with Chris.

Yours and his family spending time together at one of your houses.

Spending time in Atlanta, New York, and London, when he had to go to work, enjoying the nights and rare privacy you got.

You knew your fans were so happy to see you happy.

And his fans were also happy to see him happy.

Chris is the source of your inspiration for the new songs.

You write 'Daylight' after you realize how your concept of love has changed after meeting him.

You write 'Paper Rings' and 'I think he knows' as a way of saying "I want to be with you no matter what, thanks for accepting me"

'False God' and 'Afterglow' to say "thanks for keeping up with me and my crazy life and forgiving me when I make mistakes. I love you"

'Lover' is written after your 3rd anniversary and some serious talks about the future.

You include other songs about how to get over past loves and about your family.

You play the songs to Chris. There's crying, but the happy tears one.

Chris is there with you when you do promo stuff for your album.

He posts a screenshot of the album when it's released.

Fans think you are engaged but who knows

It's there with you when the documentary gets released.

The fans spot him briefly in your Netflix documentary.

Just so much love and support <3

My Masterlist

Wanna join the taglist? Drop me an ask here (specifying the taglist) <3

taglist: @stillmanicc ✧ @bageracat ✧ @mayafatmakhan ✧ @wydtrina ✧ @iconfusemyselfalot ✧ @sleutherclaw ✧ @hallecarey1 ✧ @lharrietg ✧ @chesca-791 ✧ @justamarvelfan14 ✧ @marajillana ✧  @goldenrogers ✧ @sunwardsss ✧ @kaatelyyynn ✧ @high-on-darren-criss ✧ @chamorritaluv ✧ @justreadingficsdontmindme ✧ @barneskills ✧ @bval-1 ✧ @megatron07 ✧ @madisondelstan ✧ @moonshooter ✧ @nostxlgia18 ✧ @sophiaedits ✧ @mrsevansthefirst ✧ @fanficforfun ✧ @0mrs-evans0 ✧ @jassy2101 ✧ @stephv213 ✧ @whiskeytangofoxtrot555 ✧ @gitasor​ ✧ @lovelyleanie ✧ @food8me ✧ @patzammit ✧ ​@angelmather1 ✧ @sarahdonald87 ✧ @khaleesibeach ✧ @sebastiansstanswhore ✧ @boboxiaan

[selfcareparker]

(lovely anon) i'm so happy to finally be answering this oh my goodness hi gorgeous human being i feel that it has been too long 🥲 SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED SINCE THE LAST TIME I'VE WRITTEN ONE OF THESE HOW HAVE YOU BEEN

to answer the things you have said most recently- i'm so mad that spring break is over bc now i have to go back to life??? like dancing and school and shit that feels so unnessacry 😭 and like i can't just do nothing anymore? i was so used to it and now...... ugh. i STILL haven't played sims (i think it's because ✨depression✨ be hitting sometimes) lol but MWAHAH IM SO HAPPY FOR YOUR NEIGHBOR!AU AND THAT THEY HAD LITTLE BABY LEO!! i feel the name thing.. i just come up with something that sounds nice? i think leo is a nice name, it makes me think about lea michele and the fact that her son's name is Ever Leo but anyway. i don't name my sims after what i want to name my children irl either... idk why though. (i don't know why i'm telling you this but for boy names i love Liam🥰 and if i had twin boys i think i would do Liam and Peter though i am not married to the name Peter.... anywho)

LMAOOO the therpaist coming made me laugh thank you :)) i hope it's helpful? this may be tmi but i've only really had negative thoughts recently and not many healthy outlets so i'm hoping crossing one thing off this sad list will make me feel better :') i think during spring break my anxiety and my depression really spiked? idk, it comes in episodes but yeah THIS GOT REALLY SAD

i think a lot of things when i read your posts but i never say them hahaha so imma say it now: i googled what bon appetit meant ( i also just had to google how to spell it ) but ur right, i feel like bone apple tea makes more sense than bone apple teeth.. the "th" is throwing me off bc how i say it bone appa (like app-a) teet (like you're saying tit but teet lol) so bone apple tea makes more sense to me lol

i never know really know the time difference for anything lmao but est to germany (that's not gmt is it?) is like 6 hours wOAH so it's like 9pm while it’s 3pm here? wowee

i feel mega weird after watching this show called hollywood (darren criss is in it, so is laura harrier and a bunch of other people) but i don't like it💀 i feel really icky rn and idk why but reading your last response to my ask (?) always makes me feel better :')

i am doing what you said btw, i'm typing this on my computer first then gonna transfer it to my phone's tumblr lol but when you said a digital detox, it's interesting cuz i feel like i've been having one since tom's new project was announced? gOD i don't wanna get into it bc i get so triggered but i've been off of instagram since then bc instagram stans literally stand by tom through whatever even when something ain't right- i’m just gonna leave it there bc i’ll continue the rant, but yeah so i took a break lol

also heard abt your driving lesson thing (?) was it that bad? i can't find the old post but someone asked if you hooked up with your lesson person and i was sOOO CONFUSED LMAOO LIKE OK ARIA GET SOME BUT UHH HUH?

now to address the actual response HAHA the way you touch my heart :') by :') bringing :') up :') halle :') being ariel :') (i honest to God don't remember if i brought this up first, forgive me if i did, it's been a minute lmao) i'm always talking about it and i'm pretty sure my family is so tired of me talking about it lmao, but YEAH when i found out they weren't twins i was so surprised but idk why i always thought they were twins? but YOU ARE SPEAKING MY LANGUAGE WITH THE DISNEY TALK- everyone is always like "tiana is my favorite princess" and yea she's strong and stuff but...... she was a frog. for almost the whole time. it's about time we got another one!! i do agree with some people on the fact that disney should just make another black princess but halle is adorable and i was ariel on stage so it's already really special to me :')

yeah lol there are good times with my brothers but they make me mad for a good portion of the time (there's the 12yo vincent and the 7yo daniel but vincent??? psshhh he is a piece of work and i'm not sure how much longer i can put up with him HAJAH AND YES VINCENT IS THE ONE WHO WAS 👁👄👁WHEN I CRIED AND THE ONE WHO DOESN'T LISTEN TO MUSIC- writing this now makes it sound like vincent is awful. which he isn't... we're working on him ig. not to add to the awfulness but no, he listens to obnoxious loud VIDEO GAME MUSIC and won't stop when we ask him to stop... he gets beat up a lot) anyway i imagine being an only child is really calming.. like you have time to yourself and its just you and your parents 😌

yeah let me know if you end up watching it (wandavision)! i think it's great but if you like it lmk!! tfatws is sooo good like PHEW i am honestly loving it. sidenote: j*hn w*lker makes me wanna jump through the screen and choke him to the ground. i was thinking right, and the falcon and the winter soldier (THATS SO MUCH EASIER FAJHKDAH) would techinally be like a 10 hour movie right? because every episode is an hour long and there'll be 10 episodes? like wow. i get what you mean though, abt the racism in the show etc, like looking forward to it but not like..... no i get what you mean i will not try and give another example lol but you make me wanna learn more languages like really badly (bc of what you said about the german to american translation) & if you end up watching hamilton PLEASE LMK ABT THAT TOO HAHAHA i love it so much, same thing with lion king lmaoo

speaking of germany, i was at lunch on saturday with my mom and her friend and we were talking about my schooling and like-- she planted this idea in my head lol like what if i just got my GED and went around the world (to england probably) to get a theatre experience??? and i think it sounds so cool but no where near practical lol, it's just..... the dream haha and i would then try and learn a language 😉

uh yes we absolutely should order basically a resturant meal at a cinema, how about burgers, chips (fries), and a large drink? any time next week works for me, should i pick you up?

also about cherry (which i still haven't watched yet lol) i got the timestamps from tumblr😌 i couldn't find them anywhere else, but i agree, i probably wouldn't even look twice at cherry if tom wasn't in it? like i liked tdatt a lot, but it's not a movie i would be itching to see ya know?

HAHAHAHA THE 24 HOUR NOTIFICATION- i think i have around 1030 hours on sims? but i've had it since 2019 lmao (reading the screenshots, yes u are 100% a genuis, i take screenshots too but on anon you can't upload them so i just read them and retype what i wrote lmao) i think the university experience in the game is fun, but time consuming and it's all work imo. idk why i do it so often tho 😭😭😭

and agreed!! when you're making good money in the game you have to find other ways to make it interesting. my cousins who play it just continously do "motherlode" and i'm like.... then what do you do in your game?? it just sounds boring to me... my current sims household, i had a famous comedian sim, her name was dylan, aND SORRY IM LAUGHING SO HARD WHILE WRITING THIS BC ITS A GREAT EXAMPLE OF THE UNI THING UNLESS IM JUST DUMB, she went to college for communications when i wanted her to be a comedian and when she graduated i realized that degree did nothing for the career 🥲 so yeah, i think i'm just dumb. but she had a kid in college, guy didn't stick around and she was pretty broke HA but then she got married to this (great) guy named steve, made good bank, had 5 more kids (two sets of twins and one more lol) but then she passed. uhm... yeah that's still an open wound . lol i'm kidding, but when you get rich like that, you have to find a way to make the game interesting and i chose a million kids.

(this was one giant paragraph until i broke it up uhh yeah) i seriously don't pay attention to the sims prices and just end up spending way too much money and not being able to finish the rest of the house😭 but then again, i'm so used to having sims live in apartments... if i end up building a house FIRST OF ALL it'll look like what you explained before lmao but i'll tell you if i actually end up building a house HAHA & planning out your sims game is so fun to me lol, did enisa and michael take in his daughter yet? i may be thinking too far ahead lol and i love that they fucked woohooed (i say woo woo lol) in celebration HAHA but when i was playing with this one couple i had them woo woo every night hoping the dude would have horrible pull out game and they would concieve, but one night they were too tired and i was like why? get back in there man. if i was in college and lived with my partner we would be fucking every night homie. be grateful. i have been talking a lot about sims, and like you said: enough 💀 i just love this game a lot 😭😭

SORRY LAST THING i think the sims romantic and sexual stuff is so nice bc its what i want?? LMAO IDK like the whole hot tub thing you're talking about- puh lease ITS JUST NICE TO SEE OKAY

i'm reading the german section over again and i said aloud "my german friend is so cool" lol (i was saying that to my brothers & i know they don't care LMAO) (& i'm glad the uni zoom call went well!!) so on a form, in german, it could possibily say Einführungsveranstaltungsteilnehmer because you would be a participant to an introductory event? i swear german sounds so cool 😌 but i love reading your german lessons!! it's really interesting, most of the time my brain can't comprehend it tho?? like that word makes sense to you, but i need a translation. like to be able to look at that and know what it says.... its just appealing and seems so cool lol i kinda wanna write something out in german but i feel that google translate will fail me. während googeln "google übersetzen" mein Computer war so verdammt langsam und es fühlte sich einfach wie etwas Gutes auf Deutsch zu sagen. ich bin nicht sicher, welches Wort ist "fucking", aber ich mag es lmao (did it fail me like i thought it would??)

LMAOOO THANK YOU FOR BRINGING UP JUSTIN BC WHILE AT THE RESTURANT THEY PLAYED A JUSTIN SONG AND I IMMEDIATELY THOUGHT OF YOU AND THIS STORY😭 lol i was thinking it's depending on your age but not even that either... i really don't know.... but tom's fans are hollanders💀 i would consider myself one? he's the only person i'm really into like that (like a lot lol) so idk lmao (directioners 💔💔the pain is real)

LMAOOO (both of these paragraphs started off with “lmaooo” smh) "i like my men when they look like they are on the brink of death" PLEASE, i don't like pete's blonde hair... i just don't. i'm not sure if i wasn't watching the most recent snls but yea. my mom thinks he looks like trash, but i think he's okay? like he said staten island people just look like trash LMAO and I STILL HAVEN'T SEEN KING OF STATEN ISLAND GIRL I ALMOST FORGOT ABOUT THAT!! now i'm gonna make plans to watch it lmao, & yes agreed i find pete hot, don't ask why i really couldn't explain it to someone he's just .

my favorite songs from rex are from pony oh my goodness 🥺 anywho i'm gonna go eat cereal (i ended up eating bun and cheese instead) and listen to the Stormzy songs you recommended... aria. aria aria aria. i would like to thank you for introducing me to stormzy i- i don't have any words or any emojis to express HOW GOOD STORMZY IS. i hope he's popular in germany/the uk because i haven't heard of him but GURLLLL

one second - delicious i love it. it's really good. it’s not my favorite from the album, but its great.

superheroes - at first i played the non-explicit one (on accident) and wondered why the words weren't playing but i was reading them in the lyrics??? THIS ONE THOUGH??? IS THE BEST SONG I THINK I'VE EVER HEARD. i am so SO SO into black people empowering songs (like brown skin girl by beyonce) and this song???? PHEW I CRYYYYY ITS SO GOOD.... i was gonna quote some lyrics BUT THERS TOO MANY I LOVE, "i am young, black, beautiful, and brave" "black queen, you're immaculate, it's coming at the world, they ain't ready for your magic yet, and that was never your fault" THAT WAS NEVER YOUR FAULT- I ALMOST CRIED THIS SONG IS SO BEAUTIFUL (i played it twice lol)

lessons is another beautiful one, like its slow and it feels intimate and nurturing and just OO chefs kiss, beautiful . like you can feel the apology and the regret... it’s so good

own it - OWN IT OWN IT OWN IT IS AMAZING!! swear you would catch me dancing to this song, this song is so fucking good i cannot comprehend like this one might be my favorite for real... "it's the way you wind up your waist, i'm so in awe, you never have to worry abt nothing, you know its yours, you know you own it" 🥲 i played it two or three times honestly

rachael's little brother - YES I DID LISTEN TO IT LMAO AND YES I LIKE IT, its a very complex song and it's very layered in terms of emotions i think and i really like that about it. i probably won't listen to it that often, but its really good. i would recommend this song to my "older brother" bc he would just absolutely love this

shut up - i was taking this song seriously (also very good) until i heard him say shu-T up LMAO, this one is good, i probably wouldn't listen to it 24/7 like rachael's little brother but honestly its still fire

before listening to blinded by your grace and vossi bop, i know you brought up the religion bit, i definitely don't mind that, especially because i'm Christian lol and i actually liked that he brought up God in some of his songs like idk i just like it🥰🥰

(i then went to bed after that lol but first thing in the morning i listened to superheroes and... that song is probably my favorite tbh, i was gonna write MORE quotes that i loved from it but, yeah no there's too many. if you want i'll tell you lmao but this is already so long i would just be quoting the whole friggin song)

VOSSI BOP IS A BOP (lol) I CANT EVEN LIE, i love a song that hypes up a dude's girl so the line- i love that my phone decided to fail to load the lyrics, lemme google it, okay the lyric "looking at my girl like what a goddess" i was like AYEEE its honestly just really good. and no one in america says "sauce" like "i've got the sauce" but now i do (thanks to love island and Nas from last season) and now stormzy so (also im gonna watch the music video for superheroes bc it looks great so 😛)

(because this is already so long i feel like i shouldn't finish the rest but . no i'm gonna do it)

now for blinded by your grace pt2 idk why i’m nervous lmaoo PAUSE I'M NOT EVEN DONE WITH THE SONG GIRL THIS SONG IS *chefs kiss* no words, speechless PHEW y'all gon make me start jumping around. why did i not know about stormzy before, he is amazing i- ok yeah i finished the song, all i have to say is that Stormzy is immaclucate. period. i am literally sending his music to all my friends he is..... amazing

you want my song recommendations 🥺🥺 hmm uh okay lol i listen to a lot of old music, whitney houston, marvin gaye, queen, celine dion, i love "more than words" by extreme uhmm okay, but for actual music i listen to on the daily? (this is a lot of different music like.... they do not go together lmao so be prepared) a song about being sad by rex orange county, betty by taylor swift and lover by taylor swift and... most of that album lol, treasure by bruno mars lmao, OOOO and versace on the floor by bruno as well, lazybaby by dove cameron, creep by tlc has been on repeat lol, deja vu by olivia rodrigo (i saw what you said about drivers license and AGREED LMAO but i like deja vu a lot more haha) and two albums that i listen to in general, rare by selena gomez and ungodly hour by chloe x halle 🥰 you don't have to listen to all of them or any of them lol but that's a sense of what i'm into :) so basically everything haha, i'm into literally every single kind of music really so i wasn't too surprised that i enjoyed stormzy :’)

HAHASBSJHAHA your h20 story cracked me up,, like "wow these actors are so dedicated, learning german just for us" 😭 the beauty of overdubbing

once again, math and maths, in my mind maths makes sense because its mathmatics, but saying maths doesn't feel right to me lol, like if i said maths i feel like everyone would look at me like ??? and yea i was taught it as math so its just more natural for me. but yes math/maths is disgusting, easily one of my least favorite subjects so .

mkay. i- the first time i read this i could not contain my laughter when you said the only pollen you know is sex pollen LMAOKOOSHBABJFAJF STOPPP I'M EVEN LAUGHING WRITING THIS,, anyway. wow! that's interesting, my dad (<<< mostly anything else) gets migraines from the sun and the heat and stuff, yesterday (sunday, i was outside for like hours watching my brothers play football, the american kind lol) i was in the sun for like ever and i got a headache😔

summer clothes🥲 i need to go shopping fr fr. for my birthday my mom and dad got me a giftcard like dedicated to a shopping spree and we've yet to go so..... i should bring it up to my mom lol, but!! i went bra shopping (ended up returning literally all of them cuz they honestly didn't work for day to day work? its a long story) and if i could i would walk around in this new "summer bra" i got, i would. it's so fricking cute and its really light fabric (which isn't perfect for my nipples but still) so i don't get hot in it, but that bra and some shorts would be perfect. its the closest thing to being naked so

IS THE BIRD STILL BOTHERING U ARIA, TELL ME NOW ISTG, i laughed really hard that the bird isn't stupid and is really trying to torture you LMAOO like i was rolling, it wants you to suffer, badly

when you said "mensus" it was still close to mens!!! latin speaking queen 😌😌

okay STORYTIME i was reading back your response and started (fake) crying bc i love you lol and my youngest brother (daniel) gon say "oh man, catherine's crying about something we don't care about, again" I--- i swear when i tell you about them they sound awful, but they aren't that bad, just the stuff i say about them is sounds really mean LMAO

but the thing you said about being kind, same, what i always say is: don't be the person that makes people say "i hate people" ya know? like there's no reason to be a jerk or anything.... but its true 🥺🥺🥺🥺 you are really kind and every time i talk to you i would like to personally fly to germany and give you a hug 💖💕💞💗💓💝💖💘

& i'm gonna show my stretch marks some love bc of you 🥺😭 i really hate how men have basically everyone conditioned that you can't love your own body </3 fuck them, y'all beautiful :')

also thanks for what you said :')) you literally are the kindest, sweetest person i think i've ever spoken to and i love you 🥰🥺🥲💓💗

READING YOUR TAGS HAHAHHAHA the spelling errors makes everything so much funnier. once again, i like your german lessons & yea!! i'm gonna play sims after writing this hahah

#catherine's tags are back #i don't think i've told you my name before?? #anyway it's catherine🥰🥰🥰 #i'm typing this on my computer (without emojis) and if i didn't edit this you would be reading shit shite like #heartface and pout and cry LMAO #yeah abt the tattoos #some stuff with my parents i'm like deal with it??? lol #my mom tells me "if there's something you enjoy or you like but i don't have the same opinion on it... why would my (my mom's) opinion matter? #and i love that #like i'm not gonna go and do whatever i want #but if my mom doesn't like that i swear (which isn't true just an example) #its like okay.... #but whatever #and your tattoo ideas sound really cute!! #and yeah @ your parents, i mean you aren't getting something wild #and the tattoo album>>> #i'm gonna look up ariana's butterfly tattoos just so i know what you mean lol #but i'm guessing you don't want something so incredibily simple, but not super like over the top? #correct me if i'm wrong lol #LMAO the tags were in order don't worry ! #and yeah lol ily2 <33 #and once again, again, sorry for this post JSHJS ITS A MESS AND LONG AS HELL #and you don't need to go in order of my post its literally longer than your german compound words #u're fine #also !!! while writing this the birds were chirping outside and i was like 😳 #and one of your fics (i’ve read all of them, i don’t remember lol) that valentine’s day one where y/n had lingerie on (the pancake one lol) #inspired me to buy lingerie #like when i look back on me “growing up” #that fic & basically you lol really helped with that #that made no sense and i don’t know how to make it make sense... but... yeah. like ily

hiiiiiiiiiii <3333

Dear catherine, 😌

(you have said your name before, but it wasn‘t like an introduction or anything i think you were talking about .... was it possibly the incident at the cinema??? And you said something like ‘calm down catherine‘ like you were telling yourself to calm down idkd dkdkkdkd anyway i didn‘t mention it cause i wasn‘t sure if it was an accident or not dkdjd but now i know 😌❤️ Catherine is such a cute and lovely name btw omg and so are your brothers‘s names 🥰

Sorry that I‘m answering this so late, it‘s been an emotional rollercoaster for me since last week but i‘ll get to that in a second lol

Sksklssk girl i haven‘t played sims in like 2 weeks now ekejdkdlldld ok that‘s not that long at all actually but i keep wanting to play but then i end up not playing for whatever reason, so no news about my sims game 😔 but i love the names Liam and Peter and for twins!!! That sounds really nice actually

okay i‘m trying to answer your ask in chronological answer even though i wanted to wait for the depressing stuff and write it at the end or something OKAY so. i thought that i‘d feel so good when i start uni and that i‘ll like... have a purpose in life again and just be happy (cause in the last year i didn‘t do much and i was depressed like half of the time lol).... anyway i kind of feel even worse now? 😭 i think it‘s because in my brain it‘s like: university!!! that means your life will change and it‘ll all be so exciting. and don‘t get me wrong it is exciting butttt..... idk the online thing is so weird cause you‘re not meeting any new people (i‘m introverted anyway but still lol) and it doesn‘t feel like you‘re listening to/talking to actual people cause it feels the same as just watching a video?

also i thought i‘d be busy again but i only have one lecture (90mins) a day and theres one day where i dont have any lectures at all and just one day where i have 3 hours but.... idk i mean i shouldn‘t complain about having so much free time but i just don‘t know what to do all day and in a pandemic there really is nothing to do but i also can‘t relax bc it‘s like during the week and i know i have uni the next day and .... yeah.

There‘s also this one assignment i had to do that took me AT LEAST SIX HOURS AND IM NOT EVEN EXAGGERATING????? so that was the only thing i‘ve been doing besides “going to“ lectures. for this one course we have to read two (really really long) texts (like it literally took me 3 hours to read them) and we‘re supposed to post it on this website that all the professors in our uni use. So after 5 days of anxiety (✌🏼) i posted mine this morning bc last night i realised that i didn‘t even know why i was having anxiety so i just posted mine today. The deadline is tomorrow at 12 and no one except me has posted theirs yet........ so i have anxiety again 🥰 cause idk if i‘m the only one who did it or if i even did it correctly

Edit while i‘m rereading this: my anxiety about uni is a lot better and i‘m not as d*pressed anymore maybe it was just hormones? idk but i‘m better so that‘s good

(I started writing this like 5 hours ago and then i randomly completely forgot lol)

I‘m in a better mood now though so let‘s move on from that (oh wait also, i think i‘m gonna see if i can find a psychiatrist bc with my anxiety symptoms (long story) i need to go to a psychiatrist, and so far i‘ve only gone to like psycholgists and it didn‘t help but i think that‘s just bc i was meant to go to a psychiatrist and not a psychologist so dldjdjsj

n e ways but yes you‘re not alone, ily, things will get better and yes i love you (i‘m not good at this type of thing🥲 but i‘d hug you right now if i could <3)

Yess i think the time difference between est and me is 6hours but gmt is uk time i believe? i think mine is called.... cet? For central european time? I could be completely wrong though lmao

Oof i completely forgot about hollywood, i remember when laura kept posting about it on instagram but i never actually watched it and i definitely won‘t now lmaodkdksjsn

Okay my driving lesson LEBDJDKDK I DID NOT HOOK UP WITH ANYONE AKSJSKSMMLM especially not my 40 or 50 year old driving instructor lol i like her but NOT LIKE THAT, the lesson was really really really good actually and i think i‘ll have my driving test soon, but i don‘t even remember why the anon would have thought that??? Oh wait now i remember okay KEKSKDLDL so during the lesson my instructor was like do you mind if i turn on some music? AND THIS WOMAN TURNED ON ONE DIRECTION I LOVE HER so i made a post about it and i said something about the song up all night and i guess i phrased it in a .... idk in a dumb way 💀 so the anon made a joke that i stayed up with my driving instructor all night and NO. No.

Wait did i read that right? YOU WERE ARIEL ON STAGE? SIALDBDJDKSLMSBDKDMDMDKDJSLSMDJFJJEDMBFEKLEFBJDLDVSIDLESKSKWKDKDJDOWNYUEKWNDUWLNSUFLWVSUDLEHDOENSIDBEISBEHENJELBSIEMWUDNRIW KB WOBE JO ON SBEUU HIII S HWS LV W ICH US KB okay this keyboard smash is getting out of hand but uh please do elaborate on that 💘😌???? Like you can‘t just drop that information and not say more??? I forgot if you‘re in like your school‘s drama group (is that a thing? lol idk anything about acting) or in an independent group? Either way - ARIEL that is so fucking cool

Your brothers loooooool, no i get it though obviously you love them and stuff but esp at their age children are so annoying so good luck with them 😭😭😭lmao

Yeah “anyway i imagine being an only child is really calming.. like you have time to yourself and its just you and your parents 😌“ yeah just me and my parents who constantly fight 🥰 lmao no i like being an only child, like i cannot imagine having siblings but i feel like if i had siblings i would be saying that i can‘t imagine being an only child so? but i do think it‘s quite different like i‘m trying to imagine having siblings and WHAT that‘s just so different omg i‘ve never really thought about it like properly ???

I saw a tik tok the other day that was like “sometimes i forget that my siblings have a life of their own. like i see them as side characters in my life“ and even though i can‘t relate obviously i felt that. lol, like i can really imagine how it feels idk what i‘m talking about like shut the fuck up, daria

(also my actual name is daria not aria but i dont like it, and also i wanted to be more anonymous on tumblr so now i‘m aria lmao. pls don‘t mention it though cause no one knows except for you and mel (peterbenjiparker) dkdkdkdnkdnd. but i‘m starting to identify with the name cause everyone keeps calling me that looool😭😭😭 (but i like the name, more than daria anyway? well it also depends on the accent, cause the way germans say daria is okay. the was Americans say it is also okay, but some of my family in England are from the north of england and i don‘t like how they say my name 💀 no offence to them(?) but yeah pls don‘t mention the name in your ask cause the chance of people seeing it is higher then (or if you want to say something about it just send a separate ask and i just won‘t post it (IDK what you‘d want to say about my name but yeah just in case slsldlldmsndnsns)

I‘m loving falcon and winter soldier so much but when i was watching an episode the week before last week (?) my laptop broke😭😭😭😭 during the scene where the dora milaje came at the end my laptop just shut down? And it had these lines all over the screen and i had to bring it to the shop where i bought it and they said it‘ll take 6-8 weeks to repair 💔💔💔 but at least it‘ll be for free, cause if i brought it back to apple it would cost like 400€ (i think that‘s nearly 500$) so yeah. but it sucks cause now i‘m “going to uni“ on a really old rusty laptop and on my phone which kinda sucks. oh yeah and also i can‘t watch anything on there 😭 i definitely want to watch wandavision but it‘ll have to wait🤧

Yessss you should def get your GED! I googled and I‘m still not entirely sure what it is dldks but from how you described it- YES!!!!!!

Idk if you know this? Like no idea if I‘ve told you this already (hmmm wait i feel like we talked about it actually?) anyway i was originally gonna go study in England, but for loads of reasons I ended up staying in Germany and I‘m def happy with my decision, but I definitely want to go to England sometime even if it‘s just for six months or maybe for my masters or something? And (obviously everyone is different) but i think everyone should go abroad and live in a different country once in their life, no matter if it‘s for school or what, and even if it‘s just for a few weeks. But i think that‘s something that you‘d never ever forget! And combining that with your acting/theatre??? You really would be living the dream 💘💘😌

how about burgers, chips (fries), and a large drink? any time next week works for me, should i pick you up?— sounds good see you soon 🥰🥰🥰

i used to be one of the people who‘d just do motherlode motherlode motherlode and just... what did i do? Why did i do that??? But not anymore lol. Like I said i haven‘t played sims in a few weeks but i‘ve been watching a few legacy challenge let‘s plays and usually i play with the aging off. So my sims just don‘t age 💀 but i could (should) turn aging on so that it stays exciting and i have limited time and everything. and once i get bored with my current sims i can just make them have kids and continue playing as their children when they get older- like recently i remembered that i haven‘t played the acting career in ages? and i haven‘t had a shop in ages? and i think you can even become a vet right??? like those are definitely some things i want to do in the next weeks!!! Also yes sksksjs i have a few hundred hours on sims as well (if not thousands 😭) it was just that one household that i‘d been playing with for 24hrs

AND GIRL SSKSKJD THE UNIVERSITY THING HAPPENED TO ME TOO, it was a while ago so i don‘t remember what degree and what job it was about but i made my sim study something for aaaaaages so she‘d get a better job from the beginning (you know what i mean like get in at a higher level)...... and i apparently studied the wrong thing cause i didn‘t get any benefits from studying and still had to start at level 1 and shit 🥴🥲

Oh also (this was like 2 weeks ago) Enisa and Michael did take in Michael‘s daughter and i think Enisa currently even has a higher/better relationship with the daughter than Michael but um💀💀💀 also i was hoping (since michael and enisa married (in their back yard i think lol) that the daughter (i forget what her name is😭) would have enisa as her step mom? Like you know how you can see the relationship and it says daughter or son or sister.. and i was hoping that it would say step mom but it doesn‘t say anything 🥲 but in my mind (and if the sims had proper family relations) she is her step mom😌 also Leo is a teenager now???? I mean I aged him up lol dkdk he was being too annoying as a toddler but i don‘t like children so i aged him up twice in one day and now he‘s a teen, but that means he can look after his half sister when she becomes a toddler which is good (the game recognises them as siblings tho even if they‘re just half siblings? why can‘t they have step family members in the sims🥲) okay i‘ve annoyed you enough with sims ✋🏼

I‘ve been a bit sick these past few days and now i‘m getting a headache so i have to finish this response tomorrow 😭😭😭 </3

.

It‘s not tomorrow, it‘s 3 hours later but i‘m better lol

oooff when sims are ungrateful and won‘t woo woo (lol i like that) cause they‘re too tired like?? Be grateful that you‘re not living with your parents anymore 🙄 no okay dkdkdkdl idk if you play with mods (i don‘t) but i know there is a mod (or it‘s part of a mod idk maybe wicked whims?) where you can adjust the percentage of how risky a normal woo woo is, like you still click woo woo (3dksksks okay i‘ll say woohoo again— wait is that what’s it called? 😭) but there‘s like a 25% chance that your sim can still get pregnant just like in real life there‘s always a chance of getting pregnant even if you‘re using protection (just not 25% lmao) but yeah i personally don‘t play with mods sksk and you can always just click try for baby but it would be cool if you could add stuff like risky woohoo to the game without mods (i have no idea how to download mods and i play sims on a really really old laptop and sims is literally tje only thing that works on it anyway so—) i repeat my words from earlier: okay i‘ve annoyed you enough with sims ✋🏼

okay i‘m so sorry i‘m gonna watch fast & furious 1 now cause i need to watch f&f 1-5 until the 30th of april cause they‘re only on netflix til then (i mean i could watch them somewhere else but the quality is never as good) so i will finish this tomorrow after all😭

it is now 1 am, i finished the film, can feel a new obsession coming up again (i always have these f&f obsessions for six months before and after a new film comes out)

THE GOOGLE TRANSLATE wkekdjdj tbh it sounds like someone is speaking with some kind of foreign accent i guess that‘s probably because it just is a direct translation and so anyway slsjsj i don‘t know if you asked me what the word fucking is in german? like idk cause the translation is a bit weird but in case you asked lol sidjsjs theres not really a good translation like we just say fuck for fuck lmao, i don‘t know if you typed in fucking in google translate and it came out as verdammt? cause that means damn (or damned sksjjs) ummm yeah idek if/what you asked so imma move on🤧

I‘m not gonna comment on what you said about every stormzy song cause you already said all the important things but SKSKSJSJSKNSNDBDUDOENWBSLSKKHSULSLSKSBSJSKSK I WAS SMILING SO HARD WHEN I READ YOUR RESPONSE FOR THE FIRST TIME BECAUSE AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH finally i know someone who loves him as much as i do 💘💘💘 also since you brought it up, i‘m pretty sure he‘s considered the most successful UK rapper or if not then at least top 3 so he‘s defffffffffinitely big in the uk, in germany more and more people are listening to uk rap too but not as much stormzy cause theyre dumb apparently 🙄 but anywY i‘m sooooo sooo happy that you like him. i think hith came out end of 2019 (i could be wrong but i think it came out on the 13th of december so (in a european way) you‘d write the date: 13.12 and obviously i don‘t KNOW this but i can definitely imagine that he chose that date because ACAB and yes, Michael. Yes. But he hasn‘t made too much music since then so i hope he‘s working on some new stuff 🤞🏼

Also i ordered the stormzy poster😌 also a nicki minaj one bc i decided i‘m gonna have one wall with red-ish posters (i already have two kinda red ones) and one with blue/green-ish posters (already have two) and i can add stormzy to the blue one and nicki to the red one, but i think that‘s it cause if my walls are tooo full it could look cluttered? I‘m not sure how that type of thing works lmao but my room is generally untidy so i don‘t want the walls to look unorganised too so i think that‘s it for now

I really want to finish this now but my brain is getting kinda slow and i need to sleep soon so this will have to wait till later after all 🥺🥴 (not that it makes and difference to you bc you‘ll see this whenever i post it buttttt i wanted you to know that i want to talk to you again but with my slow brain i‘m just taking too long to do it in one day😭😭😭 and i‘m so busy tomorrow hmm but i‘m sure i‘ll have 30 minutes to finish this then <3)

Okay wait I‘m so dumb I didn‘t realise I‘d nearly answered everything i could have posted this yesterday 😭😭

Oooohh that summer bra sounds so nice like if i was confident enough i literally would just wear a top that resembles a bra (or really is a bra lol) cause my tiddies always be looking amazing i‘m just insecure about my stomach sometimes 🙄🙄🙄 but recently i‘ve been loving myself more and more tbh 😌

also i hope you can go shopping for some nice clothes soon ✨😌

I‘ll be honest I haven‘t listened to your song recs YET but only because i wanna take my time with them and i‘ve been so busy and slso AJ tracey‘s album came out last week and I haven‘t listened to that one yet either so ekdkdj (he‘s also a uk rapper like quite popular and successful as well, but i feel like i‘m not gonna like his album cause whenever i‘m looking forward to an album it ends up being really bad and the albums where you weren‘t expecting it turn out to be bangers.... so yeah but i‘ll let you know when i listen to your songs!!!! :)

Omg i keep having to scroll up all the way to see the next thing you said so sorry if I completely miss some of the things you said😭😭

So when you sent this the bird was still bothering me oh my FUCK DKDLDMMDMDMD but now i‘ve been going to bed at like 1-2am so the bird is probably still asleep lool

Okay and for the rest of your ask my response is: 💘💖❣️💚❣️💛❣️💛💕💞❤️💓💟💞💕💕💖💘💝💟💟🧡❤️🧡💞💛💚💓💚💚💚❣️🧡💖💘🧡💝🧡💕💘🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥺🥺🥺🥰🥺🥺💘💘💘💘💘 (okay that looked cuter in my head i don‘t really like the green hearts dldkkdksndnd)

[honeysucklepink]

For your TV Meme - 10, 20, 30, 40, 50, 60, 70, 80, 90, 100

10, 20, and 30 answered HERE

40. What’s your favourite Disney movie?

So sadly I was Gen X, which means Disney in my formative years was...not great. The Rescuers, Fox and the Hound, Black Cauldron, etc. I was more of a Bluth gal myself, with American Tail and Secret of NIMH as my touchstones. The Renaissance era that shaped so many millennials were my college years (and honestly my radio years, considering how many of those songs became Top 40 standards). Now that being said... as I got older I definitely had an appreciation for that era, and if I was going to go old school fairy tale, then Aladdin, honestly for Robin Williams alone. BUT overall, if I’m looking for something I can watch over and over again? The Emperor’s New Groove. Not as much music, sure, but it’s f-ing hilarious.

50. Horror or psychological?

UGH, can I say neither?

60. A movie you hated but everyone else loves?

So. I never could get into Lord of the Rings. I don’t think it’s HATE per se (the movie I actually hate was pretty much not a movie that anyone even liked), but the whole first part slogged, and I could never sit still for it. Meh, maybe fantasy just isn’t my jam. To this day Hubby will remind me how I walked out of the room going “how long are they going to be in the fucking Shire?”

70. Why is your favourite movie, your favourite movie?

So my favorite movie is The Muppet Movie (the original 1979 version), and it is just a time capsule of my childhood. All the people who were stars back in the late 70s had cameos, like Richard Pryor (!), Bob Hope, Madeline Kahn, Mel Brooks, Steve Martin, Charles Durning, Dom Deluise, and the writing was just SO funny. You got origin stories for all your favorite Muppets. And all the music; Paul Williams is one of the best songwriters out there. There’s a reason that out of all the Darren Criss things I’ve gotten excited about...Hedwig, his wedding, even seeing his butt...him singing “Rainbow Connection” with Kermit is my ultimate favorite. 

80. An overrated movie?

Okay, so I like it okay, but...The Big Lebowski. I mean it’s funny, fine, but there’s this whole thing around it and I’m just...eh, okay?

90. Tell us about a movie that made you feel all the feels?

I answered this in my favorite 80s movie, but The Color Purple puts me through every emotion and then some. I will never even pretend to know what Celie, Sophia, Nettie and Shug actually went through as Black women in the early 20th c. South, and I know my ancestors were much more likely to be like that old racist hag that made Sophia miss Christmas and drive her home. But there were also universal themes of belonging, love and loss, found family, reconciliation, forgiveness. I haven’t laughed or cried more in one movie. 

100. A block-buster movie that deserved all of the hype & more?

Maybe it’s timely but the first thought I had was Black Panther. DAMN that movie was amazing!

[hopelesslydevotedshipping]

Something I always wanted to do

Fandom: Chris Colfer/Darren Criss, RPF

Rating: T

Word count: ~3100 words

Summary: Fun and games on a road trip.

A/N: Why this fic? Because sometimes I need joy and love and sunshine. I create what I need. That’s why… Also can I just say how much I’ve missed writing for this pairing? All the crazy flirty banter that always comes with this pairing is just fun to imagine into existence.

—

The campus is dead silent. It’s one of those few weeks towards end of summer, between the end of previous semester and the beginning of next, when there isn’t anyone there. They wouldn’t be here either if it weren’t for the road trip taking them right past Darren’s alma mater — or not really right past it, but close enough for Chris to indulge him.

It isn’t much of a detour, even if it was unplanned. It won’t be much of time wasted either for what Darren promised to be the abso-fucking-lutely tastiest pancakes in the whole wide world, something which Chris is slightly dubious about, considering that this is the first time he heard of them. Chris loves pancakes though, and he loves Darren even more than he loves pancakes. So it isn’t much of a sacrifice to indulge him.

(Chris strongly suspects that Darren knows exactly what strings to pull to get him to agree. He also suspects that Darren has more than just pancakes in his mind — at least if the flash of mischievous glint in Darren’s eyes is anything to go by.)

While the pancakes don’t quite live up to the hype, as expected, the company more than makes up for it. There is something utterly adorable with Darren reliving his college years, the bounty of stories, each more ridiculous than the last, each recounted with a blazing bright smile. It really, really isn’t much of a sacrifice at all, to be right here with him.

Chris smiles through all of it, through every single word. He can’t hide how much he loves this man, he doesn't even try. He knows Darren sees it too. He knows it from the way that Darren’s eyes grow darker upon looking at him, the way that Darren’s hand seek to hold his over the diner table, the way that Darren’s lips curve into a twisty smile. Chris doesn’t mind any of it.

By the time that they are done with their pancakes, Darren seems to be done with his nostalgia trip too — or so Chris thought. 

They step out of the diner. Darren takes Chris’ hand, lacing their fingers together between them and looks up into Chris’ eyes again.

”Come. There is something I always wanted to do.”

It started out as a joke months ago when they began planning their trip. They’ve said it dozens of times since, enough for it to have become what this trip is all about, doing things that they always wanted to do, things that they’ve never done before.

They’ve done a lot of things — together and separately — which is why there is a lot of qualifiers and specifics involved. They had been to a road trip before, but never outside California. They had been to plenty of hotels before, but never splurged on a seriously expensive suite only to sleep in the car the following night. They had been to skinny dipping, but never in broad day light in a small lake in middle of nowhere.

(The skinny dipping obviously being Darren's idea.)

It may have started out as a joke, but it has grown into much more. It's almost like a game of dare — just for the two of them. This is why there is only one answer that Chris can give.

”Okay.”

They walk in companionable silence side-by-side — hand-in-hand — through the campus. Perhaps Chris is too distracted by the way that the light breeze ruffles Darren’s curls or the way that the brightness of the sun makes his eyes crinkle. Perhaps it has been too long since the last time Chris has been there with Darren, because it takes him a while until he realizes where they are headed. When he does, he breathes out a laugh.

“The library? You want to go to the library? Because I'm seriously beginning to question your education, if you've never been to the library.”

"No, I don't just want to go to the library," Darren responds, his lips twisting into a cheeky smile, “I want to make out at the library.”

Chris gives Darren a look, but it doesn’t stop Darren. Of course, it doesn’t. He just keeps walking, tugging Chris along.

”You’re really serious about this?”

“Fuck yeah,” Darren says, glancing at Chris over his shoulder.

Chris knows he is playing a losing game by questioning this. He knows he can’t decline what Darren is offering, especially not when Darren keeps looking at him like he does, smiling like he does, especially when he is offering a hot make-out session in the very near future. Still, he keeps playing, keeps challenging Darren, because it’s a part of the thrill.

"Are you honestly telling me that you’ve never made out in the library — in all your years here?” Chris asks, looking straight at Darren with a single eyebrow raised, as they arrive to the steps of the building.

Darren laughs upon Chris’ words, his eyes squinting adorably, and rushes ahead to hold the door open. Throwing a wink at Chris, he replies, “No, I did, but I missed an aisle.”

Chris almost hates how smooth Darren can be. He would hate him if he didn’t love him so much.

He steps past Darren into the building, taking it all in. He has been plenty of times on the campus with Darren, he has even walked by the library a few times, but he has never been inside.

The library is  — as all libraries are — quiet. He thinks he can hear someone stacking books somewhere in the maze of bookshelves, but he can’t see a single soul. He can only see rows upon rows of bookshelves, flooded in the light beaming through the large windows.

His eyes still roaming around the main hall, Chris feels Darren coming to stand beside him. He feels a hand come to rest on his lower back, like a silent reminder of where they left off, of why they are here.

He can’t help himself. He turns towards Darren, leans in closer and says with his voice low and hushed, barely a breath against Darren’s ear, “You missed an aisle? It better be a good one, because I don’t just make out in any aisle.”

“Oh, I think your going to like it,” Darren replies in kind.

Darren pulls back enough to take a quick look around the library, before taking Chris’ hand again. He begins to lead them through the maze, zigzagging between the rows with clear determination.

He really does have a specific place in mind for this make-out session. 

Chris wants to laugh at the thought, but before he can, Darren rounds a corner and comes to an abrupt halt. With a quick tug of the hand, he pushes Chris against the bookshelf, crowding him in. His lips are on Chris' before Chris can say a single thing. 

They have kissed countless times. They have kissed good morning and goodnight. They have kissed goodbye and welcome back. They have kissed please forgive me and I love you so, so much. They have kissed short, chaste in greeting and congratulation. They have kissed long, slow, luxuriating in the feel of simmering heat. They have kissed raw, dirty, rushed in the need of each other. They have kissed with countless meanings and manners.

It is why Chris' breath catches at his throat with the way that Darren is kissing him now. They have kissed enough times for Chris to know when Darren means business. And he does now, as made evident by the nip of the teeth on Chris' lower lip.

"Shit," Chris breathes against Darren's lips between kisses, "You're really serious about this?"

Chris doesn't even know why he is asking, but to be fair, his mind is never at its sharpest when Darren's lips are on him. It's challenging enough to even form words and sentences, when he's kissing Chris like he is kissing him.

Maybe it has something to do with the unexpectedness of this that he does ask. Maybe. Maybe it doesn't matter at all, especially if Darren keeps kissing him just like that.

Darren huffs a laugh against Chris' lips and says, “I’m always serious about make-outs.”

And Darren really, really is serious about this make-out session.

Chris feels an arm slip around his waist, pressing him against Darren a little more insistently. He feels the other hand steady his hip. He feels lips trail from his lips down to his neck. He feels so much.

Darren is sucking on his pulse point, and it's all going so fast that Chris is struggling to keep up. He is struggling to act, to think. He is struggling to breathe with how fast it is going.

"We're going to get caught," Chris says, trying  —  hopelessly? desperately!  —  to cool things down.

His voice sounds weak, breathless even to his own ears. It is weak — as weak as his resistance.

Despite his words words, he doesn’t push Darren away. He can't because the way Darren is working his neck is really working for him. It really, really is. It is making him warm, hot all over.

(Damn Darren and his unfair skills in turning Chris' into a needy mess in seconds, not minutes! Damn the years of practice he has had in doing exactly that!)

Darren pulls away, only enough to say, "Controlled danger, babe. You said you like it."

And then, the lips are on Chris' neck again. The hand on his lower back slips down to his ass. The sharp edges of the shelves are digging into his back in most uncomfortable way, but Chris doesn't care, not with how Darren grinds against him, how he keeps grinding too. He doesn't care about much at all when Darren is doing exactly what he is doing to him.

Chris is so wholly lost in the moment that he doesn't notice it, until he does, the clack, clack, clack of high heels tapping against stone floors. Steps somewhere not too far from them. 

"No, we're really going to get caught."

Chris’ words are only a whisper, as he pushes Darren away with the hand on his shoulder and turns towards the sound. Darren relents, pulling away, but only a little. His hips remain against Chris’, and his hand slides to the waist.

They stay silent and still. They stay close together.

They aren't getting caught though, not right now at least. The footsteps come near, maybe an aisle or a couple away from them, before they stop, turn and go away.

Chris is still looking towards the sound of the retreating footsteps, when he feels the soft, warm hand come to cradle his jaw. He turns to look at Darren, finding him staring straight at him, his eyes dark, his lips parted and so very close.

"You're the most gorgeous man I have ever seen."

And Darren says it with such conviction that it steals Chris' breath away  —  or whatever is left of it. He doesn't give him time to catch it before diving in for another kiss, as deep and demanding as before, if not more.

Chris responds to him immediately, almost instinctively, as he always does, as they always do with each other. 

With a gentle nudge of his thumb on Darren’s shoulder, he urges the arm to wrap around him, sliding his own around Darren too. He shifts his hips, his legs so that he is closer, when Darren shifts closer too. He tilts his chin down and allows Darren to press into the kiss with all the insistence and eagerness that he carries now.

He moves, and Darren move too – in this dance of the push and pull in how they kiss when they can truly kiss.

It's so easy for Chris to get lost to it, to be kissed by Darren, to be held by him. It's easy for Darren too, it seems, because they are both so into it that they don't even hear the steps until they are close, too close. Chris — only slightly panicked — pushes Darren off him, who stumbles back more than a little stunned. He looks to the side, catching only a glimpse of the girl walking by their aisle.

Chris turns back to look at Darren who is still looking away, still breathing hard. When he turns to Chris again, they share a look that turns into a breathless laughter.

His heart is still hammering in his chest with the rush of joy and thrill, even as their laughter simmers down. He looks into Darren's eyes a little longer, before he reaches for him. His hand slide down the bare forearm, down to intertwine his fingers with Darren's. His voice is soft, fond, as he says, "We really have to stop before we really, really get caught."

Chris really means it, despite the softness, despite the twinge of amusement seeping into his words. He has to mean it, because if they keep this up, they will most definitely get caught — probably with his pants around his ankles — quite literally — at least if Chris left it to Darren. He couldn’t hate Darren for it even if they did. But, he can stop him though before they get that far.

"Fine," Darren replies with a mock pout, looking away.

Chris tilts his head, his eyes still on Darren, always on him, and he squeezes the hand in his. He can see the corners of Darren's mouth quirk up. A smile almost imperceptible, but there.

"Come on, Prince Charming," Chris says lightly, nudging Darren's hand, “lead the way back to our chariot, before you make me completely swoon.”

Darren glances at him with a smile blooming on his lips before he moves.

As they leave, Chris looks behind him to where they had made out, and he finally notices that they were in an aisle of encyclopedias. It makes him want to laugh all over again.

Only Darren would make out with him against a bookshelf filled with encyclopedias. Only Darren would understand his love for encyclopedias, for learning and searching and discovering. Only he would know that to Chris, it really is the best aisle in the library - well, perhaps after young adult book aisle.

Chris turns back to Darren with a smile playing on his lips, with all this love blooming in his heart, as they walk through the empty library in silence. They are almost at the door when Darren finally speaks up. Even before the words, Chris sees the mischievous glint is back in his bright hazel eyes again.

“And now we can do another thing I’ve never done before,” Darren says, as he opens the door for Chris.

“Oh yeah, what?” Chris asks, slipping his hand away from Darren’s, as he steps out.

“Make out in the car."

Chris laughs. He turns to look at Darren, who has stepped beside him. Darren is smiling too, not even trying to hide it, not trying to hide how amazingly happy he is right in this very moment with Chris.

When Darren moves, Chris hurries to follow after him, easily falling into step beside him.

“Now I know that is most definitely not true. We've made out in a car before, you've made out in a car before,” Chris says, smiling and shaking his head at the ridiculousness of it all, and takes Darren’s hand in his again, “It didn’t even take a week until we christened your car, because someone insisted.”

It really didn't. Darren was most persistent in christening the car, and Chris was never very good at resisting Darren when he is being persistent like that.

(Chris is pretty sure that it’s the story of their relationship, it’s why they are here now – together, happy, in love and married. Darren has always been pretty persistent when it comes to Chris, right from the beginning. Chris has always been weak to it.)  

“Aah, fond memories,” Darren says and pauses for a dramatic moment of a mock distant dreamy look in his eyes, before he turns back to Chris, "And yes, we have made out in a car, but not a rental car."

Chris stops and Darren keeps walking for a bit, until he realizes and stops too, looking back at Chris.

“No, just no. We are not making out in the rental.”

Darren glances over his shoulder at Chris with the same cheeky smile on his face that Chris has seen glimpses of all day, but he doesn't say anything – quite maddeningly. He just keeps walking, and Chris follows after him.

Darren really is most persistent, and Chris really is most helpless with Darren when he is most persistent.

It is why only a minute or two later Chris finds himself pressed against their rental car with Darren’s lips on his lips and his hands sliding down his sides – right there at the roadside parking where anyone could see. Chris doesn’t care much though. Darren doesn’t care even that much, even if he should. Probably both of them should.

It’s just kissing, except it isn’t exactly short or chaste… really not chaste at all if it’s up to Darren, it seems.

When Chris is just beginning to relax into it, to allow himself to be kissed right here and now like this, Darren pulls back a little, just enough to rub his lips over Chris’, a touch so light that it’s a tease, a torturous tease. But before Chris can chase after another kiss, Darren slips his hands into the back pockets of Chris’ jeans, grabbing a handful and laughing against the lips, as Chris squeaks at the unexpected move.

Sobering up, Chris quickly pulls away from the kiss. It feels like his cheeks are burning up, like everything in him is aflame, as he looks at Darren. He has to think straight though, even if he never can around Darren.

“Just keep your hands,” Chris says – breathless – finally pushing Darren away, although he can’t help it but slink his eyes down and up when he continues “— and everything else — to yourself until we get to our hotel room.”

“You’re boring." Darren says with an overly dramatic sigh and pulls away, even if he only barely manages to keep a straight face to match it.

A dare – is everything always a dare between them? Not that Chris minds the game, when it means playing it with Darren.

Chris raises an eyebrow and says, “Say that once again, and I’ll show you exactly how wrong you are when we get there.”

When Darren smiles that cheeky smile of his, Chris knows exactly what he will say next before he even says it.

[what-if-rpg]

Welcome to the family, DEXTER! Your application to BLAINE ANDERSON was accepted. I am really happy to give you your second character! Make sure to read the beginners checklist, and remember, have fun! I can’t wait to roleplay with you! Have fun!

IN CHARACTER

CHARACTER NAME: Blaine Devon Anderson CHARACTER AGE & DATE OF BIRTH: 27, January 4th   OCCUPATION: Broadway Actor, NYADA Guest Lecturer, Currently in the Broadway Show Hedwig and the Angry Inch as Hedwig. FACE CLAIM: Darren Criss HOMETOWN & CITY WHERE LIVES NOW: Born in Boston. Moved to Lima and now lives in New York City. SEXUAL ORIENTATION & GENDER: Cis-Gendered, Homosexual Male. RELATIONSHIP STATUS: In The Process of a Divorce POSITIVE TRAITS: Brave, Sociable and Supportive. NEGATIVE TRAITS: Headstrong, Rash, Fretful CHARACTER QUOTE/LYRIC: “You can refuse to be the victim.”  

HEADCANONS

Blaine loves being an actor on Broadway, it’s definitely his dream. However, he’s been doing this job for a while now and with Serena to care for, he’s considering other paths of life. Maybe it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world to leave his tap shoes in his dressing room.

The divorce was rough on Blaine. He certainly through himself into his work and there was a period for a month where no one heard from Blaine. He kept to himself and just gave it his all in his previous show. After he had took the time to see some other people and speak to a therapist, his brother and his mother, Blaine started emerging back into the real world or well… The online world. He’s currently single but hoping that could change.

Blaine loves spending time with his daughter. His favourite thing is taking her out through Central Park and getting ice cream with her. He carries her picture everywhere in his wallet and as his phone lock screen… Kurt just happened to be in that photo…

NYADA is a school that definitely gave Blaine a second shot. Much like Rachel, he was very grateful to go back to school and graduate with high honours from Carmen herself. He feels obliged to return to the school as often as he can to host guest lectures on Broadway and what it really takes to make it on the stage.

CONNECTIONS

PAM AND RICHARD ANDERSON: Blaine loves his mother he always has and the same cannot be said for his father. While he knew Richard was always tough on him for a reason, he will still never forgive the man for not going to his wedding. The two have always seemed distant but since becoming a dad himself, Blaine wants to try and start a new relationship with his father. He wants to give him another chance, but he is still afraid of his dad and how worse he could ruin their family. COOPER ANDERSON: Growing up with Cooper was difficult. While he always seemed to have a tough time from his dad, he always seemed to get the tougher time from Cooper. He didn’t enjoy being around Cooper for a long while but during his Junior year of High School, Cooper and Blaine buried their rocky past. The two have kept in close contact and are how brothers should be. Like his dad, Blaine was upset that Cooper couldn’t attend their wedding, however it was last minute and doesn’t hold this against Cooper. The two are in New York and both working on Broadway and Blaine loves that, even if there is a comparison to be made between “the two brothers from Ohio taking Broadway by storm!” He doesn’t see himself in competition with Cooper anymore, even if the press are trying to start that rumour. KURT HUMMEL (EX-HUSBAND): Kurt and Blaine separated around Oct 2018 due to irreconcilable differences. At least that is what it is officially. Kurt was getting too busy and never had time for Blaine anymore, however, there is still love between them through the things they experienced together. They are in the process of sorting out their divorce along with joint custody of their daughter - Serena. She will be two as of July 2019. Blaine was heartbroken for their marriage to end and withdrew himself from everyone around him. He has since come to terms with their divorce and even Kurt moving on, but all he wants is to be the best parents to their daughter and try to be friends with Kurt. SAM EVANS (EX-Crush & Best Friend): Sam and Blaine become friends when they are persuaded to run for Senior Class President together. Following that, Sam helps Blaine deal with the latter’s failing relationship with Kurt. It is thanks to Sam that Blaine manages to overcome his guilt regarding Kurt back when they were younger and Blaine cheated on Kurt. And that was what made Blaine fall Sam. He fell for how nice and funny Sam was, so different from Kurt, exactly what he needed at that time. But, Sam was not into him, and they decided to stay just friends. Now, they continue best friends, and always helping one another, no matter what, they are in this together. TINA COHEN-CHANG (Best Friend): Their friendship started almost as he joined Glee Club, but only when the Seniors left that the two of them got closer. They even joined the Cheerios together! But, as Tina started to fall for him, Blaine tried to make her see that there was nothing more than a good friendship between them. Yes, it took them both time until they were close again, but, now, they are good friends. SEBASTIAN SMYTHE (Frenemy): Blaine heard about Sebastian only a couple months after he left Dalton Academy. He was so sure that Dalton wouldn’t be able to find someone as talented as him that when he heard that a guy called Sebastian had transferred and taken his place of Captain, he couldn’t believe it. He needed to meet him! And the truth was that once they met, there was a lot of chemistry, and if it was not for Kurt, maybe they had been more than friends. But, all the chemistry went away when they started to ‘hate’ each other, and have a very complicated friendship that even ended with Blaine in the hospital. Only a few time later they were able to make up, and now, yes, Blaine still has a hard time trusting and believing in Sebastian, but they are friendly. RACHEL BERRY (Best Friend): Rachel was the only person that made Blaine question his sexuality. Maybe it was all the chemistry they had or all the songs they used to sing together, but she was the only one that ever made him think, okay, maybe I am not gay. They even went on a date, they even shared a kiss, but, after that, he was sure that he was 100% gay. Now, they work together on Broadway, but are still waiting for the moment they are able to share the stage, so far, they share the stage on private parties where they continue singing and dancing together.

[queerbrownfox]

Another Queer Bites the Dust at This Year’s Golden Globes

Awards Season!

If you’re like me, you’re probably suffering right now with an existential quandary, somehow caught in the space between knowing that award shows do not matter in the scope of things and only represent the Hollywood establishment which is only a tiny portion of the arts and being glued to your TV set to see who wins best picture this year.

And if you’re also like me, by which I mean queer (or care about queer stuff), you were probably pretty psyched for this awards season. The Favourite, The Green Book (not to be confused with The Green Mile), Bohemian Rhapsody, Can You Ever Forgive Me?, Boy Erased, Rafiki, Colette, Lady Gaga’s existence, and more . . . there have been so many queer films to come out (heh) in 20gayteen. 

At the Golden Globes this past weekend we saw an array of queer films nominated, and, I’ll be honest, I was pumped. It looked like it would be a great year for representation.

But then.

So without further ado, here’s the piping hot dish of queer erasure casserole that was the 2019 Golden Globes, folks.

Thought this year was a success for queers everywhere after the Golden Globes? Well, in point of fact . . . nope. Despite wins by The Green Book, Bohemian Rhapsody, The Favourite, and The Assassination of Gianni Versace, which all told queer stories, this year’s Golden Globes failed queer audiences massively.  Let’s break it down.

1. The Green Book? More like The Story Book.

The Green Book is a film that tells the story of Dr. Don Shirley, an insanely talented black pianist, and his white driver, Tony Vallelonga as they travel through the deep South on tour. Shirley, who happens to be a queer black man, and Vallelonga, despite their early differences (like Vallelonga’s being super racist), navigate issues of race and class throughout their journey and eventually end up as friends and comrades.

Sounds great. Except. 

First off, the movie was adapted and directed by Nick Vallelonga, the son of Shirley’s driver, who wrote the book that The Green Book was adapted from. In other words, it was the white man’s version. The film has come under constant fire since its public debut from none other than Shirley’s family, particularly his brother. Mhmm. Bad news.

Next, the trailers released for the film and other promotional materials don’t even nod to the scenes in the film in which it is revealed that Shirley’s oppression is criss-crossed with his identity as a queer black man. True, the preview shown during the Golden Globes ceremony did include a clip that revealed the pianist’s identity, sandwiched between shots of Vallelonga beating up people who were attempting to assault him. 

All in all, the movie smacks not only of queer erasure, but an elixir for white guilt. We as white people love to eat up feel good stories about white people who reach across culture and race boundaries to form “color-blind” relationships built on true empathy and compassion (see The Help, Shawshank Redemption, Hidden Figures). Stories that often take place, (coincidentally?) in the 1960s at the height of segregation. Which is funny, because it perpetuates the idea that race issues are all resolved now, as a result of the compassion shown by white people to black folks Way Back When. As anybody who’s got a sense of what’s going on in the world—or their own backyards—that’s far from the case.

Just sayin’.

2. The Assassination of Gianni Versace: Or, Another Straight Gets a Golden Globe for Playing a Gay and Everyone Eats it Up.

Ah, Darren Criss. This isn’t the first time we’ve been down this road. Have we. 

It started with Glee. Criss played Blaine, opposite Chris Colfer’s Kurt Hummel, an adorable baby gay with an impossibly effeminate singing voice that was ear candy if I’ve ever heard it. Criss, of course, very talented too. I lived for their relationship as boyfriends on the show, and tried to suck it up and pretend not to be disappointed when I found out that Criss (somehow???) was not queer in real life.

Then there was Hedwig and the Angry Inch, and now, Gianni, in which he plays the famed designer’s killer, Andrew Cunanan. All gays. All roles he was praised the hell out of for performing. He even won a GG for best actor in a limited series last Sunday.

And sure, Criss recently stated in a Bustle interview that he will no longer play gay characters so as not to be “another straight boy taking a gay man’s role” as the actor said.

That’s all fine and good, but that article was published in December. And at the GG’s this year? No mention of it in his acceptance speech. At all. If it weren’t already too little, too late for the guy, that last snub certainly makes it so.

I mean, I sort of forgive him for Glee though.

And finally. The worst offender of them all. 

3. Bohemian Rhapsody, But, Like, Without the Part Where Freddie Mercury Dies from AIDS.

This one pains me. I don’t want to admit it happened. But it did. And it was REAL bad.

Rami Malek. Even as a lesbian, I love him. Okay, I said it. He’s a cutie, and he’s extremely talented (See Mr. Robot), and his voice sounds like how coffee would taste (I imagine) if I liked coffee. And when I saw the first trailers for Bohemian Rhapsody, I was PUMPED. Thank God they got an actual person of color to play Freddie Mercury who, most people don’t even know, was also a person of color (yeah, his name was Farrokh Bulsara). The likeness, too, was pretty impeccable.

Freddie Mercury was one of the most famous bisexuals of his time, rivaled only by David Bowie, perhaps, who together produced perhaps the greatest and gayest moment that rock music ever saw when they collaborated on “Under Pressure.” Malek, always an enigma, I’m not going to jump to conclusions about his sexuality since he’s never stated it publicly, but, let’s just say he’s only ever dated women. 

Which is all fine and good on its own.

But Bohemian Rhapsody had already come under scrutiny for “straight-washing” after the release of its first trailer, which completely masked Mercury’s queerness, quickly followed up by another trailer that gave audiences a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it dose. As an article featured on Into stated regarding that sprinkle of queerness, “It’s the kind of passable moment that straight audiences wouldn’t take offense at and gay viewers could feel like they had some semblance of representation.”

Needless to say, we were off to a rough start.

So while I was watching the Golden Globes, watching Rami Malek walk on stage and accept his Best Actor award, of course I was nearly praying in my head that Malek would mention Mercury’s queerness. That would have made things better for disappointed queers. And honestly, Mercury’s memory deserved it, along with all the others who had their lives cut short during the AIDS epidemic.

So what brilliant lines had he to say about that? Nothing. Not a mention of AIDS or Mercury’s queerness was uttered by Malek or the production team who accepted the GG for best Drama.

Frankly, I wish I could say I was surprised. Or enraged. Or something. But as the 2019 Golden Globes ceremony came to a close half an hour late, I just had a kind of half grimace on my face.

As my mom would say about every fashion choice I made in high school: Disappointed, but not surprised. 

It was looking like it was going to be a good year for queers during award season, but we’re really not starting off on a great foot. Yet, I should add, we queers and allies should take courage, and tell ourselves that it’s not over until the last white guy receives an Oscar. Our fates are not yet writ. With a little over six weeks left, we have two options.

First, for those of you who are staying tuned in, have hope. There are a lot of queer films, TV shows, and artists in the running at this year’s award shows. The Golden’s are pretty indicative of how the Oscars turn out, but they’re not a direct reflection. And there’s still time for people, (Ahem, Rami Malek and Darren Criss) to do justice to the queer community as potential allies.

Second, for those of you who don’t care about awards shows, take pride in knowing that you’re probably right. It probably doesn’t matter. Nothing really matters, after all . . . ♫

[hoozier]

i was tagged by @casttiel ty babyy  ❤ ❤

rules: tag ten mutuals you want to know better

name: sneha

star sign: virgo

height: 5′3″

put your itunes (or spotify) on shuffle. what are the first 4 songs that popped up? 

blood stutter - handsome ghost i wanna be yours - arctic monkeys winter seeds - freelance whales visions of gideon - sufjan stevens

ever had a poem or song written about you?

pretty sure nahh

when was the last time you played guitar?

four years back :(

who is your celebrity crush?

darren criss i know i know

what’s a sound you hate + a sound you love?

i hate the sound of metal being welded and i love the sound of rain hitting a surface

do you believe in ghosts?

kinda

how about aliens?

yES

do you drive?

lol no

what was the last book you read?

only dull people are brilliant at breakfast by Oscar Wilde

do you like the smell of gasoline?

sometimes???????? i never know

what’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?

i had a hot iron fall on me as a kid also my leg got crushed between a bus and a motorbike’s silencer sooo one of those

do you have any obsessions right now?

finding a job lol

do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?

i actually think i forgive people too easy and too fast and it’s something i wanna change

in a relationship?

naaaah

tagging : @bisaexual @nycs @bistevebucky @hasan-minhaj @jurassicspark @peanutdaze @romiones @quintanasdante and anyone who wants to!!!

[sugrmottas]

why do you think people hold his cheating against blaine tho?

uhhhhh double standards???

maybe more like quadruple standards actually...

okay so like, fucking everyone in that show cheats, almost. rachel and finn both do (finn makes a fucking habit of it), so it’s not like our leads are our moral high ground. kurt doesn’t, though the whole chandler thing still squicks me out and i don’t totally remember how the mercedes/sam/shane thing went down but i don’t think she cheated either, so perhaps our secondary leads are more our moral high bar. 

but let’s do a quick stroll through our main characters: quinn cheats (twice), puck helps both quinn and rachel cheat (which ties into his issues with finn more than anything i think but That’s A Different Talk), santana helps someone cheat (canonically she only helps brittany on artie, but i wouldn’t be totally surprised if there were other instances), brittany cheats (once i think?), sam cheats (once? i think? i might talk about that too here), hell tina cheats. mike helps someone cheat. jake cheats, too. so like, blaine isn’t an outlier here.

what makes him different is that we see him actively regretting it. puck, quinn, rachel and sam all show some regret over their actions but we don’t have episodes dedicated to them being sad. and i think that’s the issue, which is the worst thing -- blaine feels bad and he’s demonised for it. of course, it didn’t help that the fandom already didn’t like him and anti-klainers (which were just as plentiful as klainers back in the day) seemed to side with one boy over the other and i always saw more kurt supporters than those who sided with blaine, which like. i get. we knew kurt more, we went through his struggles with him -- we met blaine post-sadie hawkins, post-recovery, he was already well-adjusted (...ish) so there was less to grab onto if we wanted to connect with this character.

but that leads to this: blaine cheats because he’s being emotionally neglected by his partner, which isn’t a Good Thing and i’ll never say it is. but it’s not like he’s cheating for fun -- he’s alone and hurt and has tried to reach out but is rebuffed at every point. blaine cheats and immediately tells kurt (which is rare for glee actually, sam’s the only other person who came forward immediately and i think puck comes forward about rachel pretty quickly) and like, i don’t understand people who say darren criss is a bad actor (*points frantically at his emmy*) because the scene where he tells kurt the truth is genuinely heartbreaking. blaine looks fucking disgusted with himself. 

and at that point, kurt’s definitely valid in pushing blaine away -- he doesn’t want to hear blaine’s explanations, nor should he have to. it’s all too new, too fresh, too volatile. they can talk another time.

except they don’t?

and that leads us to the next four episodes, where blaine struggles with his sense of self -- he doesn’t have closure on his relationship with kurt, because kurt wouldn’t talk to him. and so much of blaine’s identity is tangled up in kurt (which is an Issue obviously) that he just... loses himself. there’s definitely a point to all those metas where blaine coming to mckinley was a major step back for him as a character and we really see that here, and i think that might be where all the hate comes from? we see the fallout from blaine’s perspective, the Bad Guy of the situation (they’re both bad guys imo but it be like that sometimes) so people struggle to empathise with him. also kurt emotionally neglecting blaine was REALLY brushed over because while we only see two episodes of it (and it wasn’t shown in-depth or anything) blaine experienced at least a month of it (i lean towards more because we voted our class representatives two months into the school year but i know things are different) which doesn’t help matters.

i know people get annoyed with the “blaine probably has a mental illness” line of thought but there’s definitely something there -- kid joined 27 clubs, became senior class president and took over a nationals-winning glee club in his senior year. he was also salutatorian (i mean i’m sure he would’ve been bumped if artie and tina sorted out their issue but he still got second-highest marks in the class even if he technically ranked third). there is no way that kid didn’t have something leading him into mania (i have a lot of stock in the bipolar!blaine theory can u tell). 

but if there is something there (ryan even admitted he thought blaine might have depression but there is so much more there), i think that explains his actions a lot. it doesn’t excuse them of course, but explanations are important. 

anyway, people already hated blaine. this just gave them a canon reason to fire against him. 

also, since i said i’d talk about it: sam cheats on mercedes in s5 and it’s shitty and our girl deserves better, but sam tells her immediately. i remember fucking nothing about how that conversation went, but it ended well. the fandom didn’t fire back against sam anywhere near as much as they did blaine (which leads us into a weird talk about how they [the fandom] will fight for kurt but not mercedes but i prefer to look it as the outcome of samcedes’ conversation was more positive), but i definitely remember people using that against him -- while people like brittany, quinn and tina got off without much flack.

(i also don’t really remember finn getting much shit over it but??? i feel like i just missed it???)

so not super sure what the fuck happened there (outside of pre-existing baseless hate for the characters but it’s not like people had a reason to love quinn pre-puck revelation so??? idk???). i do find it interesting though. i never really got why people hated blaine and sam so much when they were genuinely kind-hearted males, something sorely lacking from our tv screens at the time, but... idk, people just wanted to hate, i think.

like people blame them for the downfall of glee but lmao bitch??? that’s on the fucking writers??? chord and darren didn’t storm into the writer’s room and demand writing quality go the fuck down, chill out.

okay so rounding back to klaine again because i have fucking Thoughts on this mess: i do genuinely think that should’ve been the end of them. blaine would learn how to be by himself (which is a huge issue for him, i always found help! a way too fitting song when i took away the context-- my independence seems to vanish in this haze) and kurt would learn to take responsibility for his own shortcomings (which he never did which, thinking about it, may be why at the end of every watch-through i walk away not liking kurt despite fully enjoying him whilst watching the show) and they’d go be very happy.

i’ve mentioned my endgames for them before so i won’t talk too much about it but i don’t really think they’d ever be friends (so many fanfictions have them stay friends post break-up and??? what). kurt’s trust in blaine is too fractured and for blaine, kurt is an ugly reminder of a sad part of his life -- there’s too much history there. they play nice, of course, at reunions and parties and all that, but they never talk much. one day blaine will say i’m happy you’re happy and kurt will smile and say well, i’m happy that you’re happy too and that will be the end of it. elliott will come up and give kurt a big kiss and blaine will leave to go find sam (or sebastian? my endgames are shifting, i think). it’s not an apology and it’s not forgiveness, but it’s as close as they’re ever going to get.

[astheshadowslovethecastle]

tagged by @heartturnedtoporcelain

STAR SIGN: capricorn

HEIGHT: 5′6 I think

PUT YOUR ITUNES/SPOTIFY ON SHUFFLE. WHAT ARE THE FIRST 4 SONGS THAT POPPED UP?

Never Say Die - Chvrches

Poisoning Pigeons in the Park - Tom Lehrer

The Christmas Song - Alvin and the Chipmunks

I Can’t Stay - The Killers

GRAB THE BOOK NEAREST YOU AND TURN TO PAGE 23. WHAT’S LINE 17? “Around this time, thanks to the quality control exercised by the diligent rulers of British India (who established a monopoly over opium production in Bengal in 1793) the supply also became more reliable, no longer regularly contaminated by adulterants such as horse dung and sand.”

EVER HAD A POEM OR SONG WRITTEN ABOUT YOU?  only mocking ones

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU PLAYED AIR GUITAR? long time it’s usually violin or cello

WHO IS YOUR CELEBRITY CRUSH? idk katie mcgrath, anne hathaway, paget brewster, manny jacinto, nicole beharie, michael b jordon, darren criss, melissa fumero, stephanie beatriz ....lots of people are pretty and I you never know who’s actually evil so try to like lots of them so you’re not too disappointed

WHAT’S A SOUND YOU HATE + SOUND YOU LOVE? hate: phones ringing and knocks on the door love: my cat snoring, my cat making her funny hunting sounds

DO YOU BELIEVE IN GHOSTS? cats can see them that’s why they stare at nothing. it’s not nothing.

HOW ABOUT ALIENS? europa and enceladus have cool sea monsters for sure.

DO YOU DRIVE? no

IF SO, HAVE YOU EVER CRASHED? on my bike yeah, also walking.

WHAT WAS THE LAST BOOK YOU READ? finished reading: the tombs of atuan, again - not finished yet: The Tower Menagerie

DO YOU LIKE THE SMELL OF GASOLINE? nah

WHAT WAS THE LAST MOVIE YOU SAW? The elder sibling made me watch the new mission impossible

WHAT’S THE WORST INJURY YOU’VE EVER HAD? broke my ankle in soccer and separated my shoulder in soccer. the first lasted longer the second hurt more.

DO YOU HAVE ANY OBSESSIONS RIGHT NOW? the usual, lately particular interests have been histories of mediums and seances and con artists and the ways that interacted with the women’s rights movements, also the history of scientific advancement in particular relation to government safety regulations and capitalism. also always harry potter but like nothing past the second last chapter of book seven, just the way the world is bigger and better where the fans interact with it, the musicals, the meta, the fixit fics, the feeling of home. norse mythology. how weird the victorians were. bees. jellyfish,cephalopods.

DO YOU TEND TO HOLD GRUDGES AGAINST PEOPLE WHO HAVE DONE YOU WRONG? when I’m done with people I am done. I just shut down and won’t try to fix anything or make anything better or put in any effort to resolve the issue. I won’t pursue it but I won’t forgive. They are gone.

IN A RELATIONSHIP? haha nope

[kendelias]

❝ You can be yourself, there is nothing to be scared of. ❞ go with what your soul tells you i just like this one

makemi +  you can be yourself, there is nothing to be scared of.

The glass she has her forehead pressed against trembles underneath her skin. Every bump and hole in the road sends a tremble through her body, but none compares to the feeling of impending doom lingering in her chest. She lifts her head to look out the front window - nothing but open road before them - and to fiddle with the radio. She sees Makoto glance at her out of the corner of his eye and clear his throat. “Everything okay?”

No, she thinks, a voice loud and clear in the forefront of her mind. But she never wants to cause trouble; especially not for him. So she just smiles. “Fine,” she says.

He sighs, then puts the turn signal on. She watches curiously as he turns the wheel and pulls over to the side of the road, parking the car on the grass. She opens her mouth to ask what he’s doing - they’re on a schedule, she wants to say, class representative reflexes at the tip of her tongue - but he turns to her with such genuine concern she snaps it shut just as fast. “Do you want to turn around?” he asks. “I don’t mind, honest.”

She blinks in surprise. “What? No. It’s your sister’s birthday--”

“I’m asking about you,” he says. It always catches her off guard; Makoto never looks at her like pity, like everyone else does. He’s so genuine, the heart on his sleeve beating with each word that leaves his lips. “Komaru will forgive me. We can go see her another time. I’m worried about you. You seem really upset. Talk to me.”

Much like her boyfriend, she supposes she’s an open book. She sighs and puts her head in her hands. “I’m sorry,” she says. “I’m not - I don’t want to overthink this, and I know I’m--”

“Hey.” A soft grip around her wrist removes her hands from her face. He bends towards her and smiles softly when she meets his eyes. “Nothing to be sorry about, okay? You worry because you care, and I appreciate that.”

Akemi sighs, dropping her eyes to the dashboard. She can see the nick of a knife from when Shizuko didn’t watch where she was swinging and decides to focus on that. An imperfection in the middle of a whole; just like her. “I wish I wouldn’t. I just... your parents are so important to you and to Komaru, and I just want... I want to get it right. I’m just so scared of screwing everything up.”

From where her peripheral, she watches as she shakes his head. “There’s no right or wrong,” he insists. “You can be yourself, there’s nothing to be scared of.” He takes one of the hands he’s still holding and places a kiss on the wrist. “Look, how about we go back and have dinner with everyone, alright? I think Asahina’s cooking this week, and, well, I’d rather it be her than anyone else.”

At that, Akemi lets out a small laugh. Makoto always knows what to say - sometimes, she wonders how he can do this. How he can feel this way about her. She always thinks that he loves her in the way an artist loves a statue. With so much care and patience, that even if she were to crumble, he’d do anything to put her back together again. It warms her chest with a feeling she didn’t know she had in her anymore. She wants to call it love, but she knows it’s more than that. It’s like there’s a tether between their chests.

So she smiles. “No. I really wanna meet your family. I love Komaru, and it’d be nice to see Toko again. You just gotta... hold my hand if I get scared, ‘kay?”

Makoto grins, then leans forward to kiss her on the forehead. “I would’ve done that anyway,” he admits, before sitting back into his seat to drive.

send me darren criss starters!

[empcthx]

Hey there! It’s me! Karo[line]! Here’s a bit more of a detail on Caden: the empath of the RV.

CADEN SANTOS (Male, he/him, a 27 year-old mutant with EMPATHIC ABILITIES and looks like DARREN CRISS, has joined the Mutant RV en route to California. Considering they are FRIENDLY and EASILY DISTRACTED, I wonder how they will fare. Either way, good to know that they will help with KITCHENETTE DUTY. 

Short bit of a backstory: [more on his nav page] 

Caden found out he was a mutant at 16 after a disaster house party that made his parents pull him out of high school. 

Hid it from his rather anti-mutant parents for another year before he saved up enough money to run to the sanctuary, where he stayed for ten years. 

Caden was one of the mutants who went on that first road trip, and came back to an empty and destroyed sanctuary. Which he was more than a little sad about.

Personality wise:

He’s very optimistic and doesn’t like stewing in negative emotions for too long.

Has a ridiculously high tolerance for a lot of bullshit (specifically Green’s)

For him, being kind is just everything. There is no amount of slights against him that he wouldn’t forgive you for, because all he wants to do is figure out what it is that would make you mad enough to do that, and then fix it.

It’s a problem. He knows. He’s working on it. It probably won’t go anywhere.

Always ready to give hugs to people who need it.

He was kind of the go to guy in high school for anything that had to do with needing comfort or needing some sort of emotional support, and he’s continued to be that type of friend.

Very good at keeping secrets because of the above.

He’s selfless to a fault, and will more than likely let someone step over him if it makes the other person happy, because he’s so used to being the support system.

It’s fine. He doesn’t mind it much. Generally, he finds if he’s the support for someone else, good people have a tendency to remember that and bring him along for the ride.

So he just runs with that mindset. Do as you will with that info.

Concerning his powers:

Caden is an empath, and one with very little control over his abilities at that. I generally split it into two parts.

The first is his perception of emotion. He can feel every sensation and emotion of people within a certain radius (normally about five feet).

If he focuses hard enough the radius can expand or shrink, but it’s all a bit touchy and he never really knows if it’ll actually work or not.

He generally tries to stay away from large crowds (yikes with the whole RV situation. He’s getting used to the whole close quarters deal)

His secondary mutation is that he can leave emotional impressions on others around him, which is why he tries to keep up an optimistic attitude at all times.

Caden can make others feel what he himself is feeling in a radius of about 3 feet, but the emotion/sensation has to be ridiculously strong.

As such, he’s only ever able to imprint strong anger or strong sadness.

He could imprint giddiness, but he’s never actually done it before.

Loophole: he could also focus on his own emotion and purposefully shove himself down the emotional rabbit hole to start projecting it, but since he doesn’t actually like the whole idea of forcing someone to feel hurt, it’s highly unlikely he’d try.

Both mutations are passive, and he can’t actually turn either of them off. He mostly relies on keeping himself calm and separating the perceived emotions from his own.

[thefandomgang]

Newer Songs I love:

1) Champagne Problems- Taylor Swift

my fav song off evermore. the story behind it is absolutely heartbreaking. I love how taylor describes the stigmatisation of mental health issues and the way society still treats people that struggle. We still need spread awareness for such an important topic! Thank you taylor for such a beautiful song🥺💞

2) Know me again- Cian Ducrot feat Cate

ABSOLUTE BANGER. The bridge is by far my favourite part of the songs. The way their two voices blend together still gives me shivers. A beautiful ballad about unrequited love🥺 CAN ONLY RECOMMEND!!!

3) Boys will be Boys- Dua Lipa

This song may be a bit „older“ than the rest of the songs but its still such a cool and accurate song. It also expresses how woman are still viewed as some kind of object of men‘s pleasure and how females have to grow up even faster than boys because we have to protect ourselves. The lyrics>>>

4) Dancing with the Devil- Demi Lovato

I have never been the biggest fan of demi but with this album she really evolved into such a honest artist. The lyricism is fascinating and i absolutely adore the „dancing with devil“ metaphor. A huge step for her and im so happy she shares so much about her past to inspire others. Im glad she‘s still here to fight<33

5) Its a Sin- Elton John and Yearsandyears

What a beautiful cover. From the vocals of both singers, the beautiful piano to the breathtaking anf by far best performance at the BRITs- it‘s an experience of a lifetime.💗💘💓💖💕

6)Mr. Perfectly Fine- Taylor Swift

I doubt i will ever forgive taylor for hiding this MASTERPIECE for such a long time. An amazing banger with great lyrics and heartbreaking story behind it. Not happy she ever has to rerecord (fuck🛴) but im glad we know have this beautiful song.

„Ive been picking up my heart, he‘s been picking up her“- the best lyric. no question.

7) Astronomy- Conan Gray

Indie at its best. The soft guitar, the mesmerising vocals. With this song Conan put himself on a new level. Will probably end up being one of my most streamed songs of the year. I can already see it🤠

8) Groupie- Cate

What a pretty voice!! My favourite song by such a good and underrated artist. Love it with my whole heart.🥺🥺🥺

9) F*kn Around- Darren Criss

Never in a million years would i have thought i would hear him coming back with such a song. Rock Darren has always had a big place in my heart since early glee days but with this track he has outdid himself again. The bass is so catchy im not getting out of my head. An absolute banger!!😌 AS HE SHOULD

10) good 4 u- Olivia Rodrigo

And again, a banger. I have to admit i liked driver’s license but didn’t really enjoy deja vú that much. But after this song came out i became really excited for SOUR. It gives me major „Forget me too- Halsey and Machine Gun Kelly“ vibes and im here for it😌

[acsversace-news]

“I’m not interested in his intentions. Find him. Catch him. But don’t talk to me about what might or might not be going through his mind.”

This is Marilyn Miglin (Judith Light), widow of the third victim in the string of murders that brought Andrew Cunanan (Darren Criss) to Miami, where he fulfilled the title of Ryan Murphy’s The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story, which debuts on FX on Wednesday. She doesn’t want explanations, or psychoanalysis; she just wants law-enforcement to get the man who killed her husband Lee (Mike Farrell).

The real-life Miglins have long maintained that Lee’s death was a random killing, and that he never knew Cunanan, so they — like the Versaces and the families of his other victims — will likely not be pleased with anything about this new American Crime Story season. And this fictionalized version of Marilyn Miglin will surely disapprove of the approach Murphy and company (primarily English writer Tom Rob Smith, adapting Maureen Orth’s book Vulgar Favors) have taken, which is much less interested in the hunt for Cunanan than in trying to understand how he could so swiftly and brutally end so many lives.

Those expecting a spiritual sequel to The People v. O.J. Simpson — with its sprawling casting of characters, deft mix of tones (which allowed Courtney B. Vance’s fiery but real Johnnie Cochran to somehow co-exist with whatever John Travolta was doing as Robert Shapiro), and vivid recreations of famous events — will likely be disappointed by the long-delayed second season(*). So, for that matter, will people expecting the story to primarily focus on fashion designer Gianni Versace (Edgar Ramirez), his sister Donatella (Penelope Cruz), and his romantic partner Antonio D’Amico (Ricky Martin), since the main character is Cunanan, with the Versaces popping up intermittently. (Critics were given eight of the nine episodes.)

(*) This was actually intended as the third ACS season, and is debuting on schedule. The problem is that a planned second season about Hurricane Katrina took so long to figure out that Versace got done first, and the Katrina story will either air later this year or sometime in 2019.

The approach is The Talented Mr. Ripley by way of Memento, starting off with the eponymous murder (and a flashback sequence about how killer and victim crossed paths years earlier in San Francisco), then moving relentlessly backwards, so that most episodes concludes right before the events of the previous one, retracing the trail of violence and lies that took Cunanan to Versace’s front gate.

It’s a narratively audacious move, but a frustrating one, too. First, it asks us to understand and care about most of Cunanan’s victims, like Navy vet Jeff Trail (Finn Witrock) or soft-spoken architect David Madson (Cody Fern) only after we’ve seen them brutally killed. Worse, it does the same with Cunanan himself, who remains — despite an excellent, career-redefining performance by Glee alum Criss — a maddening cipher: a sociopath and pathological liar who becomes whatever he thinks the occasion calls for, even in front of people who think they know who he really is. For a long time, it feels as if Murphy, Smith, and company don’t even know who Cunanan was. And though the eighth episode — set in Cunanan’s child and teen years, and featuring Jon Jon Briones (currently starring on Broadway in Miss Saigon) as Cunanan’s profoundly influential father Modesto — finally begins to unravel the mystery man at the center of this all, it feels too little, too late for a show that’s spent so much time in the company of a man who keeps playing one variation of the same note, again and again.

At the same time, if you can view Cunanan not as the protagonist of Assassination, but its connective tissue, then it begins to feel more satisfying as a series of tragic vignettes about what it was like to be gay in America in the ’90s. Trail, for instance, deals with rampant homophobia among his fellow sailors, not to mention the corrosive impact of the new “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy, while the Miglin marriage is presented as a business partnership (he’s in real estate, she’s a cosmetics magnate who regularly appears on Home Shopping Network) at least as much as it is a romantic relationship. Cunanan snuffed out lives and ruined others, but in the process gives the series reason to settle in with these people and tell their stories, with some powerhouse performances — in particular by Light, in what feels destined to be the first of many collaboration with Murphy, and by an unrecognizable Max Greenfield as a friend Cunanan makes shortly before the Versace killing — along the way. We see how much more dangerous it was to be gay back then, and yet how staying in the closet could be a life or death choice, and not always in an expected way. The series suggests Miglin’s path might never have crossed with Cunanan’s if Lee didn’t need to keep his sexuality a secret, and there are periodic suggestions that Cunanan’s spree could have been stopped much sooner if law-enforcement both cared more about his victims and saw this fugitive gay escort as more of an ongoing threat.

“They hate us, David,” Cunanan tells Madson to talk him out of calling the cops at one point. “They’ve always hated us. You’re a fag.”

The Versaces reappear whenever their story overlaps thematically with what’s happening with one of the victims — Gianni officially comes out of the closet in a magazine interview in the same episode where Trail gives a less glamorous interview about Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell — and Ramirez, Martin, and, especially, Cruz, are so outstanding that it’s easy to wish Assassination devoted more time to its title character.

Like most of Murphy’s productions, the season — directors include Murphy himself, Gwyneth Horder-Payton, Dan Minahan, Nelson Cragg, and Matt Bomer (who starred in Murphy’s HBO adaptation of The Normal Heart) — is a visual marvel, particularly whenever we get to spend time in Versace’s world and understand that the fanciness of the decor is less an indulgence than a philosophical imperative by a man who, as Donatella explains, “has a weakness for beauty; he forgives it anything.”

But Cunanan’s just not interesting enough to support so much screen time, especially because we don’t really get to understand what makes him tick until the story’s nearly over. And even then, it’s hard to find empathy, given what we know about all the horror he inflicted.

“I am not like most escorts,” he boasts to Lee Miglin. “I am not like most anybody. I could almost be a husband, or a partner. I could almost be. I really could. Almost.”

The anthology miniseries boom that Murphy created with American Horror Story means each season could almost be anything at all, and there are plenty of times where Assassination feels almost as great as the O.J. season. But because its central character is always only almost one thing or another, it’s only almost, and never quite there.