#Dad: I can use science to solve this easily

[sugar-pink-poison]

Dad accidentally froze a wire jar ring in the fridge and spent half an hour salting it before giving up and asking to borrow my hair dryer

✨Just Dad things✨

[milykins]

Poly Dad HCs

Taking the Dad HCs to the next level we have the poly dad HCs. I couldn't help but imagine how things would go if the Reader had children with two or more of the Bayverse guys. I've done all the pairings I could think of. My personal favourite is Blood Orange.

TW: Depictions of poly-type relationships and reverse harem-type relationship (All four with one woman), aged up characters.

Special thanks to @sophiacloud28 for checking it over for me!

Leo and Donnie (Blurple) 💙💜

Parenting children would be fairly harmonious because these two dads are. On. The. Same. Page.

Both have similarly calm demeanors and will likely will be reflected in their kids as well.

They may disagree on the question of who parented who. Leo would prefer to be kept in the dark whereas Donnie would be curious about which ones are biologically his. He would never voice it, though. He loves them all equally of course.

Donnie does the science side of things while Leo covers the spiritual and martial arts side.

They do clash sometimes with the science vs. spirituality argument and may disagree on certain things like bedtime. Leo is fairly strict on certain aspects. The children must have a routine to keep things running smoothly and he is very unmoving on .

Donnie will do his best to follow said routines but is a little more relaxed. Just one more book Leo, then he promises he’ll put the kids to bed. Leo can be persuaded… usually by you, to relax a little bit.

On discipline Leo is definitely the tougher of the two. At times being too hard on the kids. Donnie will step in with a gentler approach, using logic and understanding to solve things. He doesn’t undermine Leo’s discipline techniques but rather shows him that there is more than one way to deal with certain issues.

Between these two their kids are loved, fed, safe, and well taken care of with clear boundaries set to teach them right from wrong.

Raph and Mikey (Blood Orange) ❤️🧡

These two dads may not always be on the same page but they absolutely love their kids. They’re both protective as heck too.

They complement each other well in certain aspects. Mikey does the fun dad thing, while Raph is more on the quieter side. The kids get the best of both worlds.

Neither of them care to know which ones are biologically theirs but it tends to be pretty obvious with certain inherited personality traits.

Surprisingly enough, Raph is the one who ends up sticking to things like a bedtime schedule. In the beginning, Mikey is so lax on it he would let the kids just fall asleep where they may and eat when they were hungry. Raph had to be the one to reel him in, fix up a bedtime schedule and have regularly scheduled meals. It only took one week of no rules or schedule and the two of them had their hands full with grumpy, tired and wild off the rails children. You and Raph end up having to sit Mikey down and explain gently, (on your part, not so much Raph’s) that the kids need some structure. Luckily, Mikey is so easygoing that he easily agrees to the routine and some clear rules and boundaries.

On discipline, Raph starts off being way too hard on the children with some pretty harsh punishments. This is where Mikey actually has to reel him in.

Raph ends up making one of them cry and Mikey is dad mode activated. He asks Raph if he really wants to be that type of parent, the one who scares his kids into behaving.

Despite his stubbornness, this actually sparks a moment of clarity for Raph. After that, he’s softer. He learns that there is a better way to teach his children respect and discipline.

On your part, it’s a bit of a challenge keeping these two on the same page but the one thing they agree on is how much they love their children, and you.

Leo and Mikey (Synergy) 💙🧡

This pairing might also be a little more challenging due to how drastically different these two are. Leo often feels Mikey is like an extra child on top of their biological ones.

They are both unconcerned with which ones are ‘theirs’ all children belong to both of them no matter their personality or who they resemble more.

Leo tries to impose a strict routine early on and expects Mikey to just follow it. Wishful thinking on his part you would say.

Mikey does at first… but easily finds loopholes to get around things like sneaking the kids treats before dinner, reading just one more book at bedtime and citing that there’s just five more minutes on the movie they’re watching.

At first it drives Leo crazy and he wastes a lot of energy trying to push his younger brother to fall in line. So many lectures on why a routine is important and deviating from it will cause unwanted behaviours etc.

Mikey may be the fun loving easygoing one out of the two of them but he will not be steamrolled by his brother. He does stand up to Leo when he sees fit because he’s a parent too and he has a say in how their children will be raised. Leo doesn’t expect this and along with you gently pushing him to actually listen to his brother for once.

With your help, Mikey actually gets Leo relax a little with his strict schedules and rigid discipline ideals.

The most incredible thing that happens as a result is Leo learning how to have fun and actually play with his kids. Mikey and the kids rope him into dance parties, tea parties, pillow fights and the like.

At first Leo is fairly awkward feels out of place but then he finds he secretly loves it.

Mikey brings out his playful side and Leo in return helps Mikey be calmer and more apt to raise the children with some healthy boundaries. Discipline, kindness, honour and a huge amount of love is how this parenting relationship would go.

Mikey and Donnie (Wise Crack) 🧡💜

Coparenting between these two is a pretty relaxing affair. Both employ gentle parenting techniques and both would need guidance from you on discipline practices and routines.

Just enough so that the kids don’t walk all over them. Once they have that down, the two of them would likely get along pretty well and be on the same page for the most part.

Donnie is still the fun science dad and Mikey is the fun playful dad. Between these two, their children are never bored.

Donnie might need ‘resetting’ from time to time, getting too consumed in his work, wrapped up in his projects and spending too much time in his lab. This is where Mikey comes into play.

He will team up with the children and ‘bully’ him into leaving his work and spending time with them. He’ll play directly into his love of science and all things technology-related too.

He’ll schedule a visit to the museum, the planetarium or plan some fun science experiments, bonus if they end up exploding and Don has to step in before someone (likely Mikey) hurts themselves. He does these things even though science tends to be pretty boring to him, but the kids absolutely love it. Mikey ends up learning how to like science as a result.

Donnie, in turn learns the importance of spending time with his children and cuts down on his work in the lab for good.

The children, and you of course are much better off with two committed, available dads that love you and their children more than anything.

Raph and Leo (Viole-n-t) ❤️💙

Oh, these two… they barely like sharing YOU, parenting their collective children is a whole other challenge in itself.

Raph automatically pushes back on Leo’s strict schedule and boundaries without a second thought.

The two of them undermine each other constantly when it comes to their chosen parenting practices. These are two strong-willed men with very stubborn personalities.

Raph says screw the schedule and lets the children stay up later or Leo steps in during Raph’s training sessions to take over because he can ‘do it’ better. Unfortunately, it ends with the two of them arguing it out and fighting in front of the children.

You, the matriarch of the family has to knock them down a couple pegs.

The two of them begrudgingly agree to a ‘truce’ because you are actually the logical one in this situation and point out the fact that they’re acting like children themselves and their behaviour is upsetting everyone. The one thing these two do agree on is having the kids feel safe and happy, so much so that they’ll swallow their pride and try to get along.

With more prompting you’ll get them to agree to split the fatherly responsibilities right down the middle.

They both are in agreement and things like bathtime, bedtime, meal times and playtime all get organized, you tackle the discipline issue with them as well.

You are quite clear that neither one of them are to undermine the other in terms of discipline and you all agree on one technique, firm but gentle.

Leo and Raph can manage to put their differences aside for the sake of their family and there will be rare moments where the two of them do get along.

Neither can resist their little ones asking if their ‘daddies’ can play dolls or cars or make-believe. Neither can say no to the innocent requests of their little ones.

You manage to snap some adorable photos. Raph wearing a feathered boa and a silly hat, and Leo with his pinky out sipping a tiny cup of ‘tea’. They both learn how to relax and actually be better parents and surprisingly nicer to each other as well.

Raph and Donnie (Magenta) ❤️💜

A bit of an odd pairing, but we’re doing it. Raph and Donnie would be a similar dynamic to Raph and Mikey except Donnie would be more on board for establishing a routine.

These two might butt heads over education. Donnie would be absolutely serious about making sure the children have a proper education.

Raph would be more lax about it, stating that it’s not a big deal, just teach them to read, that’s all they need, don’t they? He’d figure his children would be raised with just the minimum amount of knowledge like he and his brothers were.

Donnie would vehemently argue that their children deserve way more than just the bare minimum. He’ll get really heated over it, stating that the kids need more than just learning how to punch things.

You will have to step in at this point to calm them down and it might take a few discussions to get Donnie to relax a little and for Raph to embrace the idea that training their minds is just as important as training their bodies.

They can easily split responsibilities on that. Raph and Donnie embrace the idea that their kids will be smart and strong.

In the end, these two are great fathers in supporting their children in whatever they choose to do. They get along well and coexist rather peacefully together.

All Four (Fruit Salad) 💜❤️💙🧡

If you somehow manage a relationship with not one, not two but all four of the brothers, raising children with them will be an interesting affair.

At first you don’t discuss the matter, but after spending mating season with them and giving each one adequate time, you do wind up with a surprise pregnancy.

There’s no telling who the father is though until after the baby is born and all of you do agree to use DNA testing to determine the actual father.

The result does spark a discussion about future children and in the end you agree to give each remaining brother a mating season and a child. It takes a few years of spacing out the pregnancies but each of them will end up with a biological child by the end of it.

Parenting these children actually isn’t as difficult as you might think. It all comes back to the age-old saying: it takes a village to raise a child.

They are a team after all, and they all raise the children collectively as one.

All of them do take advice and pointers from you and try not to undermine each other.

It does take some planning, discussions about schedules and routines to get them all on the same page.

By the end of it the children have four caring, loving fathers who would do anything for their little ones. They all balance each other out quite well.

There’s Mikey’s fun, playful, affectionate nature, Leo’s calm, peaceful demeanor, Raph’s passionate, protective way of being and Donnie’s quiet softness. You get this and more with this type of family dynamic and you wouldn’t change it for the world.

Taglist

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[laswells-ashtray]

Okay, I heard you were running out of ideas for Sergeant Price and Mac and HOPEFULLY this is the last idea you get before you get a break from the two knuckleheads. Anyhow: colorblind John. Whether it be from an injury, or he was born with it, Mac finds it funny either way to fuck with the boy.

I could imagine that one day John is sitting around in Mac’s office messing with a color cube he had on his desk and getting happy when he had ‘solved’ it. On instinct the Captain looks over because for one, he’s never been able to solve the bitch, and for two, John’s excitement had him wondering if he’d actually been able to solve the bitch.

To his surprise, the cube was still switched around, even looking a bit worse for wear in some circumstances and yet John just grinned at Mac with the proudest, most cockiest grin ever, and that’s when he realized that his Sergeant was colorblind.

How had he never seen this before?

Each time John would take a colored pen from his desk to do a word search or when he’d color in his brain books and the pictures would turn out a colorful mess, he’d always thought that John was fucking with him and was just doing it to mess up his stuff.

Oh how wrong he was, and how hilarious this situation is.

I could also imagine that, from then on, when John went to do anything involving color, he’d ask him what color he was using, and each time John would answer with the wrong color.

He realises and for a second he feels bad, was he wrong to just assume that the boy was deliberately fucking up? He can't bear to tell him that the Rubik's cube isn't solved because he looks so damn proud and hell, sometimes when your toddler points at a distorted blob they drew and tell you it's a giraffe, you just have to agree.

He decides to further test this revelation, purely for science before he outright tells John that for his entire life, he's been colouring the grass red.

So, he waits until John is in his office one day and makes himself seem busy with a stack of papers in front of him. He sits four files in front of John. And four post-it notes with little notes. One blue, one green, one yellow and one pink. Each file has a coloured scribble on the top right corner in a corresponding colour. He casually asks John to put the right note with each file. It should be easy, right? Each file has a colour at the top for each note and Mac is just so busy with useless paperwork that the brass is hounding him about.

He feels bad because the lad is willing to help, John might be an arse but he's a good guy and he'd never say no to helping Mac. He'd just say yes reluctantly.

He feels even worse when John finishes the task and hands it over happily, asking if Mac has anything else he could help with. He got the blue and yellow notes right, the green and pink not so much.

"John, I have a question and I want you to answer me honestly. Can you do that for me, lad?"

"Yeah, what is it?"

"What colour is this?"

"Red, why?"

"Son, I love you and I admire your confidence but that's green."

"What? Are you taking the piss?"

"Son, I know your dad was a drinker but was he never sober enough to maybe comment on your drawings when you were a wee laddie? Maybe tell you that your colours weren't quite right?"

"Mac, what are you on about?"

"You're colourblind. Colourblind as shite, actually. I'm surprised you actually managed to join the army."

"..."

"I won't tell because if I do, you're fucked and other than this you're a mighty good fuckin' soldier but from now on if anyone asks, your favourite colour is blue because you can identify it easily and no discussing other colours. I'll label the red and green pens I keep in the drawer for you, alright?"

"Alright."

[rubykgrant]

Because of REASONS, I remembered my Scooby-Doo character designs from a few years ago. I decided to touch-up the picture a bit and fix a few things. So, here they are again! If I were to totally make my own “dream version” of Scooby-Doo, this isn’t exactly the “style” I’d prefer them in (something a little closer to the classic), this is just a cute and simple style I use when I want to get an idea for basic body-types, hair, and outfits. As for the story, I’d toss together all my favorite things from every previous version, but the basic plot would go like this; the kids all originally met when they were very little, trick-or-treating on Halloween, and solving the mystery of some mean older kids who were stealing candy. During middle school, they wound up moving away from each other for various reasons... but all reunited in high school! They had a fairly normal time, solving mundane mysteries and such. After graduation, they decide to take a road trip together, and THAT is when they truly become Mystery Inc. A mixture of the old-school plots, some new adventures, and yes- sometimes the spooky things ARE real! I’d honestly aim for it to be PG-13, it doesn’t need to be turbo-edgey and grim-dark, but they can say swears. There would one F-bomb in the whole show, and Freddy gets to say it~

(some character notes below)

I drew Velma first because I’ve always wanted to update her outfit as sort of a sleeveless sweater-dress kind of thing. I gave her red shorts instead of a skirt, and I think it somehow made her look more sporty but still cute. Some orange high-tops sort of bring it together. I wanted her hair to have something like a flapper-girl style, and I kept classic style square glasses because she works them (and still can’t see without them). Velma is easily the most adorable. She’s still the “smart one”, but she doesn’t know EVERYTHING about EVERYTHING; history, science and chemistry, literature, and math are what she excels at. She also has a near photographic memory, and although she understands a lot about technology (in terms of software/programming/coding), she isn’t too great with machines. Some background for her; Velma is mixed Japanese/Mexican and Jewish. She’s also trans and a lesbian~

I knew I wanted Daphne to look really fashionable, but also in something simple and comfortable. I gave her a purple halter top/skirt with a leg-cut on one side, and loose lavender jeans. She almost never has pants in her main outfit, but I think it gives her a fun nostalgic look of the 60s and 70s. I moved her green scarf up to her hair, and gave her matching green earrings. I like the idea that because she’s a little clumsy (Danger-Prone-Daphne) she’s taken lots of athletic lessons to try and make up for it; she’s done ballet, gymnastics, Karate, boxing, archery, played different sports like soccer/basketball/baseball/tennis, swimming lessons, and equestrian classes. Basically, when she’s in “alert-mode”, she could probably handle just about anything… but when she’s not paying attention she tends to trip (though, she’s kinda of backwards-lucky by stumbling into clues this way). Daphne can speak several languages fluently, she’s got perfect pitch, is super sensitive to textures so she can recognize any material, and has a gift for being very charming and intuitive. Some background for her; her dad is Iranian, and her mom is Scottish. She’s also bi~

I always wanted to give Fred a blue jacket. I just think it suits him. He’s also got light-blue jeans, and a white long-sleeve shirt (with a red collar to replace the ascot haha). He’s got a little bit of a farm-boy vibe (hence the belt and work boots). He’s all about cars and other machines, a real  Mr. Fix-It, and he loves taking stuff apart to see how it works. As a result he’s pretty good at his other hobby besides mechanics… TRAPS. Fred also practices being an escape artist, so if he ever gets caught he’ll be able to get out of almost anything. Although he’s certainly not “stupid”, he has a tendency to be a bit oblivious and a little too headstrong. He’s got a heart if gold though, and everybody who knows him would agree that he’s endlessly kind. Some background for him; Fred’s parents went missing around when he younger, and so he’s had a few different foster families. He doesn’t get reunited with his folks until much later (learning more about his family, he finds out he’s mixed Italian/Norwegian). He’s also bi~

Shaggy doesn’t need much changing (if I altered too much, he just wouldn’t look like Shaggy anymore). I have him a white long-sleeved shirt under his classic green one, changed his brown pants into cargoes (all loose fitting, Shaggy likes it baggy), and gave him some black sneakers. He’s naturally still got long hair and a scruffy chin (plus some sideburns). Even though he’s a well known scardey-cat, Shaggy has a deep love for horror movies and fictional spooky stuff doesn’t seem to bother him. His various fears and phobias have actually made him a safety expert; not only does he usually carry a back-pack with a fully stocked first aid kit, he knows how rescue somebody who is drowning, all the safety procedures for different vehicles/aircraft, CPR, and survival tactics (he actually knows more medical facts than Velma). Despite being so thin and lanky, he is almost always eating, sometimes thinking with his stomach rather than his head. He’s always happy to share though, and he even cooks great meals for his friends (mindful of allergies and what-not). Some background for him; he’s Canadian First Nations and Jewish on his mother’s side. He’s also trans, bi and ace~

Scooby was maybe the most difficult to draw… he’s so iconic, and I wasn’t sure how to draw him in this style but still make him look like Scooby. I’m not sure if I succeeded, but I think the result isn’t too bad. Shaggy found Scoob as a pup, and they have been best friends ever since. Like Shaggy, Scooby loves to eat and hates to be afraid, but he’s only a coward when something threatens him; if a monster or villain is going to hurt one of his friends, Scooby always comes to their defense. People forget that he’s actually a very big strong dog because he’s usually so gentle and silly. Scoob knows all sorts of trick from the typical “sit/roll-over/shake” to more impressive stunts. Although he loves attention and praise, the best way to get him to do anything is to bribe him with a Scooby Snack! He’s a very smart animal, and the fact that he can communicate when he smells or hears something suspicious that people might miss is a real asset for solving mysteries. Like any good dog, Scooby is loyal and lovable~

[eggman-is-fat-mkay]

I'm usually pretty good at math. It's not as fun as computer science, of course, but I like it enough that I took an extracurricular math program in middle school just for fun. (The fact that my dad was running it and we got a pizza party at lunch after every test were contributing factors, but it was fun. Kind of.)

Calculus can go die in a hole. It's like normal algebra, only instead of having multiple different ways to solve a problem and the ability to prove that your answer is right by doing it another way, it's "memorize this set of identities. got em all? great, here's a new set of identities. why do they work? don't worry about that, you won't be taught that for another 3 years at least, and we've got like 20 identities for you and only one semester to get them into your head so we can't waste time on explanations. now stop holding up the class with your meaningless questions and get memorizing"

"now we're gonna talk about integrals. you thought memorizing all the rules for derivatives was hard? buddy you ain't seen nothin' yet! at least with derivatives there are a finite set of rules and a well-defined order that you have to apply them in. integrals there are like 20 different sets of rules and you kinda have to just look at the problem and guess which one you're supposed to use and then undo 10 minutes of work if you turn out to be wrong. also i really hope you've got your memorization mind ready because all our cheat sheets tell you is what the rules are not when to apply them. and we only got about half of em on there. anyway midterrm's in 5 days good luck"

"oh you can check whether your answer is right easily! just plug it into your graphing calculator! oh what's that? you don't have one of the CAS models? well uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh buy mathematica i guess"

fuck this fucking bullshit why does my dad like it so much

Yet another day of my adult life where I didn’t need calculus

[myscrubslife]

Hi, you’re blog is super inspiring and I love to go through it! I was wondering how one can keep such good focus or if it’s just natural to you? I suffer from bipolar and adhd and my focus is so horrible but I’ve always been in love with the medical field. To be a nurse or even phlebotomy seems difficult! When did you first realize you wanted to be a doctor?

That’s so nice of you! 😊 I started this blog to combine my love for art and medical sciences.

When I was about 5, my grandpa had a major heart surgery (CABG) that was my first exposure to a big hospital. My dad’s company used to do volunteer work with paediatric cancer patients and I used to go visit with him. Over the years I saw more of my grandparents go in and out of hospitals, met some amazing doctors and I think that’s where my interest started. Biology was always my favourite subject in school and I used to say “I don’t want a 9 to 5 desk job” kind of regret saying that now when we have continuous 48 hour duties over the weekend haha. I’m the first doctor in my family and I didn’t have much idea of what I was getting into, there are times when it gets overwhelming and I ask myself “Why did I even think being a doctor was a good idea?” so I come here to remind myself how much I actually love this branch and there are others who feel the same. There’s also my favourite 2000’s medical show called [Scrubs] that I keep rewatching and that’s where my username comes from :)

I’m only done with one degree and there’s a lot more to study. I was lucky to find a mentor who motivated me to read more and teachers who make the subjects interesting but I do get distracted a lot while studying on my own. I can understand how hard it must be for you. I researched a bit on studying techniques over the past few years and found some ways that work for me-

1. I use this famous focus app called Forest to stop me from checking my phone while I’m studying for long hours at a time. I usually set it to 90-120 min sessions and take small breaks after I’m done (most people prefer the Pomodoro method of 25 mins focus then 5 mins break and repeat, but this works out better for me) I blacklist all the apps that I easily get distracted with and only check them after a session has ended.

2. If I’m about to read up on a certain topic, I first try to find a video on that topic, it helps me get an overview and understand the topic better when I read it. I respect teachers who don’t mind sharing their knowledge for free on YouTube!

3. I take a lot of notes while studying from my textbooks, mostly just scribbling on a single piece of paper, simplified diagrams and flowcharts so that my brain doesn’t go on auto-pilot mode (where I don’t even remember what I just read) it helps me actually understand what I’m reading.

4. I make a lot of flashcards- both digital and pen and paper ones, it helps me retain the information better. The app I use for this is called Feyn and I keep revising them after a certain time (Spaced-repetition). I also solve a lot of questions (multiple choice ones) which helps me retain what I learned rather than just passively reading the topic.

You can read more about Active Recall here.

5. Good (Japanese) stationary that makes studying fun :) I love colour coding my notes for eg. green for drug names and pink for microorganisms, red for information that is often tested. I also make a checklist of reading goals for the day.

6. My Mom suggested that I should have a dedicated space in my room that is only used for studying. This helped me concentrate better. I used to study on my bed when I was younger but I often fell asleep.

7. This may sound a bit cheesy but I’ve written my goals on a post-it on my wall as a reminder but my mentor says “Motivation fades over time, consistency is the key” so I try to read everyday even if it’s just for 30mins to 1 hour to make it a habit.

Hope this helps!

[thotsforvillainrights]

Hello there! Are you still doing the matchups? If yes, I would love to have one, please!

I’m nonbinary (I use any pronouns but I slightly prefer they/them) and demisexual/demiromantic. I’m also bi with a preference for men and masc. people. I’m short (5’0” even though I’m an adult) and chubby, with short brown hair and dark brown eyes. My skin is rater pale and I blush and get sunburnt extremely easily. I have a few moles on my face and a bunch of freckles and beauty marks on my arms. I wear glasses because I am near-sighted.

I’m polite and kind without being a pushover. I’m smart and I have a great memory and sense of detail; I notice and remember small details that other people never noticed.I’m a pretty good listener and advice giver. However, I am an introvert and as such, need to be left alone regularly to be able to recharge. I tend to be a bit of a show-off; I love to show off all the general knowledge I have acquired! I’m a bit of a Stepford Smiler; I tend to hide ‘’negative’’ emotions like sadness and anger behind a forced smile. I also tend to overwork myself as I am disabled and tend to try to do more than what I am able to.

I am a pretty good cook; my dad is a cook and he not only taught me how to cook, but also taught me in a fun way that made me enjoy cooking. I’m a pretty big nerd and geek; I love video games, movies, tv. shows, books, etc. My favorite genres are Super-Hero, Horror, Sci-Fi and Fantasy. I love pretty much all the types of video games, but I prefer the ones with an interesting story and/or puzzle-solving elements. I love anything related to science, but especially about plants, fungi and animals. My favorite animals are felines and reptiles in general.

I am autistic. I am also a thyroid cancer survivor; I had a surgery to remove my thyroid gland and as such have a scar across my throat. Autism awareness, Cancer awareness and LGBTQ+ Rights are very important causes to me.

Well, that’s all I could think of! Thank you in advance if you answer this!

(And by the way anon, congrats on beating cancer. I hate that bitch. She took some family from me in the past so I'm always glad to hear of people that survive it. Cancer fucking sucks. Okay I'm getting off into a rant so let me start the match-up!!!)

Match-Up #6

-I match you with Kendo Rappa-

headcanon|scenario|imagine|match-up

-He actually was pretty likeable when you first met before you started to date each other. You two met on a train going wherever. He gave up his seat for you but didn't move from that spot. Although you preferred to be left to yourself, the man was the complete opposite. He struck up conversation with you and it caught your attention. He had a funny way of communicating almost as if you'd known each other for your entire life. The man wasn't all too bright, a little gruff, and very forward but you found that funny. He didn't have a filter really and didn't even stop to think before exchanging phone numbers with you. Well you decided to humor him and texted him later that night when you got home. He immediately stopped texting and called you. "Where are you?" You heard loud sounds rustling around and clinking in the background. "Huh? The gym, where else?" He answered as if it was a normal thing to be at the gym during this time of night. You laughed and kept talking with him. What started off as unlikely friends ended up as a little something more when he invited you over to his place to hang out. He admitted his feelings for you in the least romantic way possible. "Well Hell I figure I like ya, and I want you to be mine. I aint much for rejections but if you don't like me then I can still take it just fine." You shook your head and smiled at him. "Lucky you that I feel the same haha." And so that began the relationship you shared.

-He cared a great deal for you and really enjoyed learning more about you as a person the longer you dated each other. He liked how you didn't let people step all over you but you were kind at the same time. The same person (you) that was feeding stray cats behind your shared apartment was the person now chewing out the asshole at the park bench for threatening them. He also was rather fond of that pridefulness you tended to display from time to time. Rappa liked that in you. He saw it as a little spark and he was never one to ignore something like that. Even though you could hold your own, he still worried about you from time to time. You're height and cute demeanor was a red flag for weirdos all over the city. No matter what you thought of yourself, you were just too cute to him. He'd taken to pinching your tummy and ruffling your hair as you blushed and told him to stop it with a huff. Look at you...he couldn't let you go out there and possibly get mugged! Not to mention how cute he thought you looked with all those markings and those glasses. It may be a bit annoying to have him think of you this way but you'll have to put up with it for a while so hang in there!

-He needed to take care of you like how you take care of him. You were a team now. He made sure you were safe when going out, even going as far as to apply sunscreen on you so you don't get sunburned. He made sure you didn't overwork yourself since it could lead to negative effects on your body. You handled a lot of the business around the house he couldn't wrap his head around. He was forgetful and God was his credit sooooo bad on top of that. Once you stepped into his life, things got more organized real quick. They got better thanks to you. He needed you around to balance out all the areas he lacked in. Where he never seemed to shut up, you were a good listener. Where he always gave the worst advice possible, you did the complete opposite. Where he was a shit cook and survived on microwave meals, you got into the kitchen and showed out! He figured he'd really be nothing without you. Instead of telling you this like a normal partner, he just said "You better not change your mind or go anywhere to some other guy or chick or whatever..." You laughed and rolled your eyes. "Where would I go? I've got my work cut out for me here, you big lug." You wrapped your arms around his neck and kissed him.

-He'd taken to surprising you with items after getting home from work and stopping at the store. He knew you enjoyed various games, shows, books, movies, and whatnot. The only issue is that he sometimes forgot what, so he'd return with something you didn't particularly enjoy. You still accepted it with a smile but it concerned him occasionally. He knew you had a thing about hiding your true feelings from people and he didn't want this to be directed at him so sometimes he often tried to force it out of you. If you're not down for it then it might lead to an argument or two. No need to worry if he doesn't apologize immediately. He'll return to the house after work the next day with an apology stuffed animal in the form of a cat or lizard of some sort. It's one of the only things he does remember.

-Although he's not the softest (and he doesn't have a way with words), he's still all for you no matter what. He tells you he loves you in all the ways he's best at. He supports the causes you're most passionate about whether that be going to a rally or parade, trying his best to learn more about them, or even listening to you about various topics (which he's also not the best at). He thinks you're wonderful, amazing, strong. He tells you that every time his eyes lay on your throat scar. He smirks and mutters "You kicked cancer's ass" rather proudly. Most of all, he's grateful each day to call you his.

[backtothestart02]

Lust and Love at Seventeen - 1/? | westallen fanfiction

A/N: New fic time! I think you guys will like this one. I really, really do. ;)

...

Synopsis: HS!AU - Iris is about to date the most popular boy in school. There’s only one problem. She has no experience. What she does have is her best friend, Barry Allen, who she can practice on so she doesn’t embarrass herself. Problem solved. Right?

...

Chapter 1 -

Stacy’s car slowed as the opening to the driveway appeared. Music could be heard not far away, so loud that Barry swore the ground almost shook. With dread in his eyes and his heart, he risked the inevitable and looked out the window to his doom.

The big house at the top of the hill had been a source of loathing for Barry for the past three years. Self-loathing mainly, at how he allowed himself to be dragged there twice a month, sometimes more than that in the summer. But also, he loathed Bradley Baker, the most popular kid in the senior class, who lived in that house and had Iris West, his live-in best friend and love of his life, permanently starstruck.

He’d bumped into her accidentally at the beginning of freshman year and apologized verbally then, and also by presenting her with a paper flower at the end of the day. A gesture that had stayed ingrained in Iris’ memory ever since that day. He hardly spoke to her after the incident, but Iris maintained that he smiled at her in the hallway, and to him she was always ‘the girl I gave the paper flower to’, no matter how many times Iris informed him of her actual name.

Not that she minded, of course. She had a special name from him. A little long-winded, if you asked Barry, but he’d stopped reminding her of that fact. She didn’t care. She was blind with infatuation. Everything was Bradley, Bradley, Bradley, and if anything could get her in his sights for a second longer than a glimpse in the hallway, she was sure to do it and bring Barry with her so she didn’t look idiotic by herself if her plan were to backfire. Which it often did.

Two is better than one, they say.

Tonight’s diabolical plan was to go to the big party at Bradley’s house, which wasn’t all that diabolical since he’d invited the entire school – and could afford to, given how huge the house was, and that was dad was practically a millionaire. Barry and Iris got their ride from Stacy, since she’d just gotten her driver’s license and was eager to get out on the road.

The second Iris had informed him of this, he’d started to connect the dots and come to the unfortunate conclusion that he’d be spending the night with the Baker’s dog in the foyer while everyone else partied in the house and backyard.

Stacy was Iris’ other best friend. They were in cheerleading together. Thankfully there was no rivalry over Bradley. Stacy wanted to be with Justin Clarke, Bradley’s best friend and fellow football player. The girls had been fantasizing about the double dates they would have ever since the paper flower incident. Barry had ceased repressing his eyes rolling whenever it was brought up and he was in the vicinity.

“Barry!” An annoyed Iris called to him, snapping her fingers in his face.

Reluctantly, he blinked and focused in on what she was saying with furrowed brows.

“You coming or what?”

He sighed. Did he have a choice?

“Yeah, yeah, I’m coming,” he said and climbed out of the car, careful not to bump his head sitting on top of his tall, lanky body.

He didn’t know what the point was in him being here when Iris had Stacy too, who was obviously more invested and supportive of the whole Bradley thing, but he’d given up arguing about it with Iris. He didn’t like to fight with her anyways, and they rarely did, so he’d decided to put this issue to bed. He vented with Joe on occasion – Iris’ dad – but he had to be careful what he said so he didn’t accidentally spill how many times they’d snuck back into the house after curfew for a party Iris just had to be at and drag him to.

So most of the time he kept his troubles to himself and actually ended up starting a journal to release his frustrations. That and conduct science experiments that periodically did damage to the roof of the garage in which he had them set up.

He could still hear Joe’s angry voice calling his name from the last explosion-level event that had gotten him grounded. To be fair, Barry had walked in on Iris kissing her mirror pretending it was Bradley and hadn’t been able to get the image out of his head. It both irritated and aroused him, and that was problematic all on its own.

“Barry!”

Barry looked up at the cooing voice he knew all too well. He plastered on a genuine smile. The only person that understood him through and through in this house had just walked back into his line of view.

“Hi, Mrs. Baker.”

“I haven’t seen you in a while. Care for some cookies?”

She pulled out a tray of cookies fresh from the oven, chocolate chip, his favorite. The scent was heavenly.

“Aren’t they for the party?” he asked, trying not to drool.

“They just came out of the oven. I thought I’d offer one to who was at the door next before putting them with the other snacks.”

Barry looked around briefly to see if he could catch Iris’ eye, but all he saw was the flip of her ponytail as she headed into the backyard with Stacy. He sighed.

Mrs. Baker frowned.

“Everything okay?” she asked.

“Hmm?” Barry looked back at her. “Oh, yeah. Just dandy.” He grabbed a cookie and stuffed it into his mouth. “Mmm.”

Her eyes sparkled in amusement.

“Here, come sit with me in the kitchen before you join the others. I know someone who’s been missing you.”

Barry finished his cookie and grinned. His eyes lit up as he followed her into the other room. A little brown and black dog came running to greet him and nearly jumped into his arms.

“Pepper!”

He pet the dog eagerly licking at his face and smiled wider.

“Oh, wow, someone has missed me!”

Mrs. Baker laughed warmly.

“Told you.”

Barry lifted the dog up into his arms and held her close, swaying back and forth a little. He pressed a kiss to the top of her head before she quickly turned and got a swipe of his cheek with her tongue.

“You can stay with us if you want to.”

Barry lifted his head and set the dog back down.

“Huh?”

“I mean, if you didn’t want to join your friends.”

He flushed a bright red.

“Uhh…”

“I just noticed how you tend to end up back inside before the night is out.”

“Oh.”

“Only if you want to, of course. You can go wherever you like while you’re here.”

Barry forced a smile this time.

“Thanks. I think I should at least try to give the party a go. I’ll be back if it sucks.” He stopped, paling instantly. “I mean-”

She laughed good-naturedly.

“It’s quite alright, Barry. We’ll be here if you need us.”

He nodded and headed into the backyard just in time to see Bradley Baker slow dancing with his girl.

Abruptly, he turned back around and headed into the kitchen.

“You’re back!” Mrs. Baker said, then sobered immediately. “Are you all right?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. I just uh…I think I’ll take you up on that offer.”

She offered a small smile.

“I have a scrabble board. Interested?”

He sighed in relief, putting the image of Iris in Bradley’s arms out of his mind.

“Like you wouldn’t believe.”

…

It was after midnight by the time Iris West ended up back home. Stacy, having seen the exciting position her best friend had gotten herself into, left the party early with Barry in tow and dropped him off half a block from the West house, so he could sneak back in with Mr. West none the wiser.

Iris hadn’t wanted to leave, but as the party dwindled and she found herself without a ride home, Bradley volunteered to take her.

Her heart beating rapidly in her chest, she didn’t hesitate to say yes.

Now, the car having slowed right in front of her house, she turned to look at the boy who had stolen her heart.

“Thanks for the ride,” she said, then looked down at her hand that he was holding between them. “And everything else.”

“Of course,” he said, intertwining their fingers.

Iris licked her lips.

“I can’t wait until your next party,” she said with stars in her eyes.

“How about tomorrow night?”

Her heart nearly stopped.

“Huh?”

“Iris West, will you go out with me?”

Frozen to the spot, Iris briefly lost the ability to speak.

“Iris?” A smirk tugged at his lips as he ran his thumb over her hand.

“Yes!” she said, almost leaping into his arms but keeping herself in check. “Yes, yes, yes.” She laughed, happy tears in her eyes.

He laughed.

“Can I have your number?”

She swallowed and pulled out her phone, so she could put his contact in too.

“Uh-huh.”

Quickly they exchanged numbers, and then he started to lean in.

She held in her breath, hardly daring to believe what was happening. She was not ready for a kiss. She could barely handle hand-holding and a ride home and slow-dancing. Oh, my God, what a magical night it had been… It had been…perfect.

Luckily for her sanity, Bradley pressed a kiss to the side of her face before pulling back with a knowing smile.

“I’ll save the real thing for tomorrow night.” He winked. “Goodnight, Iris.”

She swallowed, forcing herself to move.

“G-Goodnight, Bradley.”

As gracefully as she could, she got out of the car and shut it behind her. He waved and took off. Slowly she made her way to the side of the house, quietly climbing into her bedroom window and shutting it once inside.

She slipped out of her shoes and party clothes, transitioning easily into her pajamas for the night. Then she laid down in her bed, put her pillow over her mouth tightly and screamed into it as she moved her legs excitedly under the covers.

Bradley Baker just asked her out on a date!

Two rooms away down the hall, Barry’s eyes had opened when he heard Iris climbing up the side of the house. Now all was still, but he heard the muffled scream as clearly as if she had been right next to him, and knew a feeling of dread.

Stacy’s all-knowing look as she dropped him off paired with her sympathetic apology rung in his head.

“I’m sorry, Barry.” I know how much you like her went unsaid.

He closed his eyes again now and turned over, trying in vain to get back to sleep.

The image of Iris in Bradley’s arms haunted him even in his sleep. It would be a long night.

...

*will post on AO3 and FFnet when beta’d.

[mollygetssherlockcoffee]

Thirty Seconds

Pairing: Spencer x Fem!Reader

Summary: (Five Minutes, Part 4) Y/N enters the maze

Warning: Blood, kidnapping, maths (yes there’s a warning for that because it kills me)

Words: 2,360 

A/N: I hope no one looks at my search history because... not good

Part One  Part Two  Part Three  Part Five  Part Six

Master List HERE   Permanent Tag List HERE

You look at the LED display which gives you your instructions.

 Unlock the door at the top of the stairs. Enter the maze. Forty-five minutes.

 You don’t bother to step over the pictures, not caring about the dirt from your shoes transferring. The steps are framed by a washer and a dryer, both in a dishevelled state from where you had searched them. Gripping the key tightly, you climbed the stairs and slid it into the lock. You turned the key, unlocking the door and pulling it open.

A wall extended from each side of the door, floor to ceiling and, once again, made completely of concrete. The path extended away from you, but the ceiling lights showed that it veered into two different directions.

 With the walls being floor to ceiling, there was no way for you to see above them and determining how big the maze was. The forty-five-minute timer set could be wholly unrealistic but what choice did you have? You had to at least try.

 You put your right hand on the wall, just like Spencer had said back in October, and take a final deep breath. You stepped into the maze, ready to begin your next task, one that you hoped was both your last one and not. Last, if it meant your team finding you. Not your last, if your team didn’t find you and you needed to survive.

 You kept your right hand on the wall as you travelled through the maze, the concrete scrapping at the delicate pads of your fingers. It wasn’t a painful feeling, but it was slightly uncomfortable. You ignored it, concentrating on keeping a level head as you walked through the maze.

 You had been close to death. You had barely found the key in time before the timer had run out. You had thought you were going to die for sure, that you would fail the task and the unsub would appear and kill you.

 You could have died and you would have never had seen your friends or family again. No more well-meaning lectures from your parents. No more worrying about how your younger sibling was fairing at college. You wouldn’t have Penelope dragging you shoe shopping again, and Emily wouldn’t be able try and convince you to have a drink with the team. Hotch wouldn’t stand behind you during interrogation sin a silent display of support, and there would be no more dinner parties or personal conversations with Rossi. Derek wouldn’t tease you about your ‘twin telepathy’ with Spencer.

 And, oh, Spencer. You’d miss out on so much, you had so many plans. You were going to take him to a concert your favourite band was holding. In return, he was planning on taking you to a lecture on molecular physics. You wouldn’t be able to bounce ideas off each other again, he wouldn’t be able to supply the words you couldn’t quite grasp when trying to describe something.

 No, stop it. You were going to be okay. You had made it this far. As long as you followed Spencer’s directions and kept right, you would make it out of the maze. You were not going to let some unsub beat you.

 You had went up against unsubs before. Everyday of your career was full of them and you hadn’t lost yet. You were not going to lose this time. You had been there to help stop Tobias Hankel, Mason Turner, and Robert and Linda Reimann. If you could get through them, you could get through this.

 Your nose scrunched up as a rancid odour filled your senses. Your left hand lifts to cover your face as you choke on air, the smell turning your stomach. The smell is strong and sharp, and almost seems to burn your nose.

 And its coming from your right.

 You have no choice, you have to follow it around, you can’t detour from your path or you’ll never make it out of the maze.

 You turn the corner.

 There, on the floor, is a large stain. It’s a dark, rusted red. Smeared across the floor, as if someone had half-assed trying to clean it us, the blood was easily identifiable. Someone had died here. It could only have been the second victim or the fourth. However, the second victim refused to participate and the fourth completed it… maybe the second victim refused to continue and was then killed? Or did the unsub have more victims he didn’t advertise?

 You stepped over the blood stain and continued on.

 From the stain, you know that the method of death wasn’t pleasant. You knew the unsub killed his victims by stabbing them but with the large stain on the floor, you knew it would be overkill. That means it would be painful but hopefully quick. If you were going to die a painful death, you hoped it would be over quickly.

 You turned right again and ahead of you; you could see a door with a LED display above it reads;

 Seven minutes and eleven seconds.

 You had made it. You were about to finish the maze, the second task. You breathed a sigh of relief, rushing for the door and twisting the handle, pushing it open and stepping inside.

 -

 Spencer stood with team as they delivered the profile of the unsub who had taken Y/N. He stood at the back, arms folded across his chest and remained uncharacteristically quiet as the other members spoke.

 “The unsub we’re looking for will be a white male in his thirties.”

“He is probably a man who is of average height and build, and is able to appear unassuming and non-threatening.”

“He most likely works in a profession relating to science in some way. Perhaps as a chemist, a schoolteacher even.”

“He’ll live in the north west Washington area and will be single with no children.”

“His interactions with women would be awkward, perhaps limited. He stabs his victims to get sexual release that he can’t get any other way.”

“He’ll probably drive a hatchback or sedan, nothing that would stand out, nothing flashy.”

 Spencer didn’t know how this profile would help. They currently had no witnesses, no suspects. There were multiple men in Washington who would fit the profile. They’d solved cases like this before but now it was personal, and Spencer couldn’t see the light here.

 Derek’s phone rang he quickly answered it, putting it on speaker. “Talk to me, baby girl.”

“Okay, I got a hit off the car and the partial plate. I’ve followed it back to two separate cars, with single differences in their plates” Garcia informs them. “Lewis Rakers and Bailey Peterson.” “Rossi, Prentiss, you go to Rakers. Morgan and I will go to Peterson’s” Hotch orders. “Garcia send the addresses to our cells and I want a full background check on both of them.”

“Yes, sir” she hung up.

Hotch turned to Spencer, “Go over all of the victim’s schedules again and see if their paths crossed in anyway, make sure we didn’t miss anything.”

 Spencer knew they hadn’t missed anything, that Hotch was just trying to give him something to do because he refused to let Spencer into the field. He nodded anyway, moving back to the room which held the case files while Hotch instructed JJ to visit the ME to find out more about the newest body found, that of Lydia Webb.

 -

 Lewis Raker opened the door to his basement, his arms full of washing as he climbed down the stairs. He shoved the dirty laundry into the washing machine, adding the detergent before pressing it on. He sighed as he looked around the messy basement, he’d have to clean it up soon. A knock sounded from upstairs and he left the basement, closing the door behind him as he went to the front door.

 -

 Bailey Peterson put away the final item, looking around his basement. Once a mess, he had managed to tidy it up in less than an hour. It had involved moving some items, picking up rubbish off the floor but it was done now. The bell for his front door sounded and Bailey quickly hurried to answer it, pulling the door shut behind him.

 -

 David Rossi and Emily Prentiss climbed back into their car. Lewis Raker had answered their questions without hesitation. He had, however, denied them entrance into his home. It was a one storey property, made with grey bricks and had a wooden porch. Thirty minutes outside of Washington, it was in a quiet area with limited neighbours.

 “Do you think its him?” Prentiss asked, not looking away from the house.

“I don’t know, but its strange that he won’t let us inside” Rossi comments, eyes narrowed as he eyed the house with equal scepticism. “Call Hotch, see how he’s getting on.”

Emily pulled out her phone, dialling Hotch’s number and putting it on speaker.

 -

 Aaron Hotchner and Derek Morgan walked away from the Peterson residence. A two-storey building made of bricks, it was an eye catcher in the neighbour-less area of north west Washington. They climbed back into their car, not bothering with their seatbelts as they stared at the building in front of them.

 Hotch’s phone rang and he pulled it out of his suit pocket. “Hotchner.” “Hey, we just got done with Raker. He gave nothing away and wouldn’t let us into the house without a warrant” Emily informed him.

“We just had the same interaction with Peterson” Hotch confirmed. “I’ll patch in Garcia and see if she’s found anything.”

 Putting the phone on speaker, Hotch dialled Garcia’s number and added her to the call. She answered the call on the second ring, greeting the team with her usual quippy comment before jumping straight into giving them the information they needed.

 “Okay, only one of our duo matches the profile. He’s not a chemist or science teacher, but his dad was. He works as a janitor at a local high school though, so he could get access to the ingredients to make the chloroform. No wife, girlfriend, boyfriend or anything that can be seen. I also went over CCTV of the areas where the victims went missing and it took a while, but I found the car in every camera. Sometimes the times aren’t exact, but its within half-hour either way.”

 “Who is it Garcia?” Hotch demanded.

Garcia took a deep inhale of breath before she told them the name.

 -

 You were in a new room. It was tiny, if you were to reach your arms out in either direction, you’d be touching the wall. Ahead of you is a door, an alphabetical keypad beside it. Above the keypad is a laminated piece of paper and a timer counting down from three minutes.

 The laminated paper held a riddle and you stepped closer to read it.

 ‘I speak without a mouth and hear without ears. I have no body, but I come alive with wind. What am I?’

 You know the answer to this riddle. You, Spencer and Penelope had a game you would play with each other. You would tell each other riddles, hoping the others wouldn’t know the answer. It was a playful game, something to occupy the downtime when you didn’t have a case. This had been Penelope’s first riddle and she had been annoyed when Spencer had guessed the answer correctly before she had even finished telling it.

 ‘Echo’ you typed into the keypad.

 The door slid open and you stepped through. The new room is exactly the same as the first, the timer reset to read three minutes and it was already counting down. You turned to the riddle.

 ‘I have cities, but no houses. I have mountains, but no trees. I have water, but no fish. What am I?’

 This was a riddle you had given to Penelope and Spencer. You had spent ages on Google looking for the perfect riddle before finding this one. You had been proud because Spencer hadn’t been able to answer the riddle straight away. It hadn’t taken him long, only a few minutes, but you still counted it as a victory.

 ‘Map’ you typed into the keypad.

 The door in front of you slid open and you stepped through again. Its exactly the same as the first two and you groan. Riddles were fun but under pressure, you already knew you were going to struggle.

 ‘How can the number four be half of five?’

 This one stumps you. You’re not the best at maths and would admit to that any day. This was not a riddle which was made for you. While you struggled with large sums off the top of your head, you knew that half of five was two-point-five. The math was impossible. Maybe it doesn’t mean the literally number though. The numbers are written as words, maybe that was a clue. It could be ‘fi’ or ‘ve’ or…

 Roman numerals. They used letters, didn’t they? You hated Roman numerals, they were stupid and confusing, not following a logical order which you hated. What was the answer? IIII or IV… wait, IV. Those are two letters which are in five. You couldn’t be certain that they were the Roman numerical version of four, but you were running out of time.

 ‘IV’ you input into the keyboard.

 You hold your breath but then the next door slides open and you walk through. There’s another riddle.

 ‘Find the next three parts of the sequence…. OTTFFS’

 What? You didn’t understand. What was the sequence? It made no sense, there was no method to the layout of the letters. What could they mean? You didn’t even know what the letters could stand for.

 You would have to guess because you had no way of knowing. You looked at the timer, thirty seconds. What were you going to put? You bit your bottom lip and reached for the keypad.

 “SOO” you typed.

 The timer reached zero and the door remained closed. You held your breath, turning around in your spot. The lights went out and you were left in the dark. 

A/N: What’s the answer to the riddle? And, who is the kidnapper/killer?

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[shirtlesssammy]

3x14: Long-Distance Call

Guys! We have a special surprise next week!! (Hint: We finally get to recap the gay angel episodes again!) Until then, enjoy our last episode for season 3...

Then:

Sam’s saving his brother no matter what

Now:

On a stormy night, a man drinks alone, contemplating life. His phone rings. It’s Linda. Ben tells her he can’t. “My wife.” He hangs up the phone. It rings again. Linda pleads with him. She loves him. He hangs up again. The phone rings AGAIN. He slams it down repeatedly and tears it from the wall. IT RINGS AGAIN! Damn, Linda, you are persistent. To stop the ringing, Ben pulls out a gun and shoots himself. 

Dean tells Sam they have a case. Sam tells Dean that they’re on a case --his. Dean balks at that because they’ve got nothing. Bela’s gone, the Colt’s gone, and Dean would rather work a case they can solve than wallow in his imminent death. 

They head to Milan, Ohio. They head right to the dead guy’s house and interview his widow. She’s a little belligerent but tells them that there was blood everywhere (Oh, that’s why she’s belligerent), favorite scotch was out, and the phone was ripped from the wall. 

Sam asks to look at the crime scene. He goes through the caller ID. Dean asks about strange phone calls. She admits that a couple weeks prior she picked up on a call that Ben was on. It was static. No one was there. 

Research time!

Dean finds out that “Linda” was Ben’s high school sweetheart --and she died in a car accident. On top of that, she was cremated. On top on top of that, Sam discovered that the caller ID on the phone traces back to a phone number used a century ago! (I presume Sam did all that research while he stared out the window.) 

They head to the bowels of the phone company to find fly infested, porn addicted Stewie. I’m going to skip over all this but will laugh at the ad that said “Order now & receive a bone-us gift!” Sam asks Stewie to trace the old-time number. (Natasha: flames on the side of my face at this damn offensive porn franchise.)

Dean pulls out the threat level 5 on the guy and the guy finds some results. There’s different houses that all received a call from that number. 

Sam heads to investigate one house. He poses as a phone company employee. He asks about strange phone activity. The man that answers the phone says that they haven’t had any issues. Sam notices the daughter looking concerned in the background. 

She pops outside to call his bluff. She wants to know why he was asking about the phones. He gives her a little give and she admits that she’s been talking on the phone with her mom --who’s dead. 

Dean checks in with similar stories. Then he gets a call. It’s the static-y voice of John Winchester. 

Later at the motel, Sam wants to know more about Dean’s call. Dean gets all nervous boy about it possibly really being their dad, and what they should do about it. What should Dean say? Sam, ever the pragmatist, suggests, “hello.” It’s funny, but I guess not really because Dean walks out on his brother. 

Dean comes back with a reason why things are happening here. It’s the birthplace of Thomas Edison, and there’s a museum with Edison’s spirit phone. 

They take a tour but the phone doesn’t have any EMF. They’re stumped as to what’s happening. 

Later that night, while Sam slumbers, Dean stays awake to answer his phone. John calls again. He asks Dean how he could sell his soul. “I was looking after Sammy like you told me to.” (Boris screams into the void) John tells Dean that the demon that holds Dean’s contract is in Ohio. 

Meanwhile, the daughter from earlier is IMing a friend when she gets a message from her dead mom. The mom says she wants to see her. The girl is scared but her mom reassures her that she’s with her. Then the girl’s computer flickers out and in the reflection of the monitor, we see the girl and her mom. 

The next morning, Sam returns from interviewing Lanie, the haunted daughter, to find Dean obsessing over demon omens. He shares his intel with Sam. 

Dean’s pretty sure the demon who owns his contract is following him. I pull a Dean voice to say, “Why are you so obsessed with me?” only Dean’s actual line in the show is “My ass is too sweet to let out of sight.” God. This show. Sam tries to tell him that the demon-killing exorcism that John gave Dean over the phone might not be as advertised. Dean’s a believer, though. He’s got faith in John! (Just gonna take a li’l writing break to tear at my hair.) 

Sam heads back to watch over Lanie, but before he goes the Winchesters hold an emotional shouting match. Dean’s ready to stop the demon from coming after him once and for all and thinks that Sam’s reticence is just more head-butting with their (now dead) dad. Sam accuses Dean of having “blind faith” towards his father and I weep. Sam leaves with one request: that Dean stay put until he returns from seeing Lanie. So. That’s going to go well. 

Lanie explains to Sam what’s been going on - that her mom’s requests have extended beyond the normal grieving cemetery visit. We cut to a young kid playing in his room. His toy phone rings. “Hi, mommy!” he chirps. 

Cut to Dean “Single Man Tear” Winchester sitting dramatically by his phone. It rings. 

Lanie reveals to Sam that her mother’s ghost told her to kill herself. When Sam hears the ghost’s catchphrase, “come to me,” he realizes that they’re dealing with something else entirely. 

While Sam experiences revelation, Dean heads off alone following his dad’s orders. f r o w n y f a c e. He ends up in a quiet, suburban home.

Meanwhile, Lanie’s brother Simon (of the toy phone fame) has gone missing. Sam saves him just in time from getting pancaked by a truck. As soon as the kids are buttoned up back home, Sam calls Dean. He tells him that a crocatta is after the people of the town. It’s a scavenger that lures grieving people and eats their souls. It tends to dwell in filth. Dean recalls the flies at the phone company, so Sam heads out on a hunt. (Meanwhile, YES, Dean’s off having his own questionable adventures, setting demon traps in a nearby house.)

Sam calls Dean for backup before assaulting Stewie, the phone guy. “I know what you are and I know how to kill you,” Sam says to the terrified guy. Someone looms behind Sam with a baseball bat. It’s Clark, the manager! He takes out poor soft-headed Sammy. Unfortunately, Clark takes out Stewie too. 

They both wake up tied to chairs inside the building. Clark kills Stewie and then fangs out. He unhinges his jaw and sucks out Stewie’s soul. Yummy? Clark then lays his hands on the phone console...because it’s time to kill Dean!

Elsewhere, in a police locker room, a man’s phone rings. It’s his daughter. “I know who killed me, daddy,” she says. The girl’s voice tells him that her killer is at their house right now. 

Clark explains to Sam that spoofing John Winchester was incredibly easy. All he had to do was find their phone numbers, then John’s old numbers. That let him listen to voicemails, read emails, and easily find the weak links that led him to target Dean. Oof. (Side note: a crocatta would make a seriously amazing private detective in an alternate Supernatural where monsters have better meal restraint.) 

Dean stands ready at the suburban house - ready to kill a demon. The grieving officer heads home, ready to kill his daughter’s murderer. 

Dean’s jug of holy water is met with an angry father with a shotgun, so things start out really well. They quickly devolve into a dirty fist fight. 

Meanwhile, the crocatta continues to villain-monologue at Sam.

Technology, Clark says, makes it so much easier to target people. They’re connected - yet isolated and easier to pick off. (I scoff at this overdone oversimplification of the role of “technology” in society. I hate when people try to pretend the past was trouble-free.) Sam finds his argument weak as well, and punctuates that by breaking free of his bonds and attacking Clark. 

At the house, Dean disarms the grieving cop and reveals the demon trap below the carpet. He starts reading out the exorcism. To his horror, the guy walks right out of the demon trap. When the guy accuses him of killing his daughter, the pieces click for Dean.

Sam kills Clark by jabbing his head into a retail hook suspended off the wall. OH I SEE, this show has always been obsessed with death by hook. >:| 

Dean and the officer avoid killing each other. Instead, they despair in beaten silence together, before we cut to Dean holding a compress to his forehead back at the motel.

Sam and Dean go over the case back in the motel, but talk quickly switches to EMOTIONS. Sam apologizes to Dean. Dean admits he was wrong. “I wanted to believe so badly,” he says. STORY OF HIS LIFE DAMN IT. He admits that he’s terrified of dying. Terrified of Hell. 

Sam gives him sad puppy eyes. “There’s nothing wrong with having hope.”

“Hope doesn’t get you jack squat,” Dean tells him.

For Sad Boys with Poor Coping Mechanisms Science:

Call Me By Your Quote:

I just talked to an 84 year old grandmother who's having phone sex with her husband, who died in Korea! It redefined my understanding of the word 'Necrophilia'

That’s what happens when you mess with the phone company, dillweed

 Want to read more? Check out our Recap Archive!

[fanartfunart]

@sapony01​ commented on one of my Sides Swap posts: Can you explain their function and personality a bit better/explore them? Some are kinda obvious but some kinda confuse me

And, but of course! I’m totally open to it! (I’m mostly making another post for it because otherwise it’ll get absurdly long)

To summarize, the main idea is that they keep their personality and secondary traits they represent (Like Ego, Emotionality, ect), while further representing the Main Trait (like Anxiety, Creativity, ect)

The rest under the cut:

Anxiety

Roman: His key representation of Anxiety would befall closer to overemphasizing bravery and ignoring problems, and of course, insecurities. Thus a focus on Dangers you can Fight, and avoiding things you can’t. A emphasis on the Knight theme as a representation of bravery. He’d use ego and theatricality as a cover- a ‘be weird before people can accuse you of being weird because then it’s on purpose’ type logic.

Patton: The type of Anxiety where you emotionally over extending yourself because you’re scared of social-emotional repercussions. Caring so much that there’s no time and energy to care for yourself. Also a good representation of the Dad-Friend override for Anxiety.

Logan: A representation of over-analyzing the world like an outsider, that emotional distance that, while you’re curious of all the things around you, you can’t help but focus on the bad. Avoidance becomes a key factor and everything is categorized as bad or good off of exaggerated ‘proof’.

Janus: Very self protective to the point that things outside the Comfort Zone are almost always negative and overwhelming. Sarcasm, brittleness, and lying as a way to avoid things outside the Comfort Zone.

Remus: Overthinking creating an Anxious reaction. Basically seeing things in the shadows and over-analyzing interactions. Essentially worries cropping up out of the idea of various terrible things you can think of possibly coming at you from the smallest of hints to it. Also Knight theme because why not.

Creativity 

Logan: A more organized and analytic approach to creative works. Prone to being a literary critic. Draws from media to explain a point. As creativity would likely be the type of writer that hides details and metaphors in everything, focus on foreshadowing and the such.

Janus: Never lets anything be direct, people should be able to make their own conclusions about the meaning of the text. Probably thinks method acting is fun. The kind of actor/writer that easily shrugs on different types of characterizations that it makes other people dizzy seeing him switch between them.

Virgil: Your inner Emo Art Phase personified (everyone has at least one somewhere in there). Would prefer to be either a lesser known creator, or not let Thomas use his real name (thus Ghostwriter), because being Known is Awkward and his work can get too real, being known as a real person could detract from the art. Focus on art as an outlet for expressing negative feelings and stress relief.

Patton: Take your craft-happy relative who always hand-makes gifts and you’ve got Creativity Patton. Just wants to have fun and share the fun. Draws from positive emotional experiences for creativity because he wants to give everyone who sees said art a hug through said art. (Yes, his design is vaugely based off of Disney’s Pinocchio Geppetto aka Pinocchio’s dad.)

Remus: Take Remus as he is, and then take the ‘intrusiveness’ out of him. He basically has all the same horrifying ideas, but he doesn’t use them to make Thomas upset or anything, he’s just making stories.

Logic

Patton: Sorta a relaxed logic, understands not everything can be solved with a clean logical solution and that emotions hold a important space in people’s actions. Is that little logical voice when you’re super mad going ‘you’re mad because this, this, and this, and this is probably an overreaction to what you’re expressing your anger to, but it’s still valid.’ Prone to emotional fallacies though.

Virgil: You know any super cool teacher/professor who teaches you what the book says and then closes the book and says ‘ok now guess what, they’re also wrong, and I’m probably wrong too’?? Virgil as logic. (also why I kinda gave him the ‘tired + university hoodie’ style) Emphasizes learning from various sources and never trusting any of them 100%. Doesn’t trust his own information either, and it makes him stressed.... but like, he’s always stressed anyway so it’s chill. 

Roman: Bounces from topic to topic to learn. Very curious and easily inspired- also easily distracted. The definition of what a liberal arts education should be doing- aka, connecting seemingly unrelated topics. An Encyclopedia of very specific information. But, once he’s got a set of information it’s hard to let go of it, which makes it hard to adjust to being told he’s wrong.

Janus: Emphasis on how information is always being adjusted, and people’s biases are always present in studies and interpretation. Focuses on debunking things. Also kinda makes it hard to 100% be sure of any information presented.

Remus: Enjoys abusing the ‘technicalities’ in things. A little hard to follow in terms of train of thought. Disturbing Facts are still facts.

Morality

Virgil: Emphasis on sympathy and ‘do what you’d hope people would do for you’ moral arguments. Focus on social structure for the ground rules for moral behavior. That guy who’s constantly nice because he wished someone was nice to him, ya know? Hates the idea of being a bad person so much that it causes a lot of guilt and mistrust of the self.

Logan: Thinks of moral behavior as an equation of sorts. People do good things and that causes good things and that allows the social structure to work as it should, so do good things. Draws on philosophy and other social sciences to argue his points. Easy to readjust his thinking with proper reasoning.

Roman: Just wants people to be happy! And to be good! Emphasis on the reactions of others and how that effects your social/emotional well-being. Do good because it feels good kinda guy (he wants to be somebody’s Hero, ya know how it be).

Janus: Understands that morality is such a grey place that most anything can be seen as bad if you argue it enough. Places value on the self as someone deserving of feeling good as well, and bases moral values on what you as an individual wants to do. Also still kinda morally grey in general and probably shouldn’t always be listened to.

Remus: I Follow no Rules but My Own. Full rejection of social pressures. What precisely that means for his resulting moral standing is up to debate.

Deceit

Logan: Woorsst lair because he’ll twist truth and facts into it and it’s hard to pick out what’s the lie. Very blunt about his role as deception and its benefits and drawbacks. Very good about remembering which lies were told when and to who. Not the kind to lie more than seen necessary.

Roman: Focus on lying as acting and getting to where you need to go in life. ‘Fake it til you make it’ is his motto and it also includes mental states. Makes it hard to be honest about feelings. Very much a ‘lying to yourself’ aspect.

Virgil: Lying to avoid perceived negative repercussions. Lying still bothers him- as lying can also cause negative reactions. Focus on lying in reaction to events, less so on lying to the self. Not every lie is especially necessary though, knee-jerk reactions and fear make it very easy to lie. Lies of omission being the most utilized.

Remus: The opposite to Roman’s ‘lying to yourself’. Lying to others just to see their reactions. Uses being ‘blatantly honest’ about taboo subjects to seem honest about other things.

Patton: Lying to spare people’s feelings and being perceived well. Focus on lying or omitting the truth to seem like everything’s awesome.

Intrusive Thots

Patton: Makes emotional reactions overwhelmingly hard to gauge and control, results in terrifying thoughts and feelings with little control or filter. Gets stuck on ideas because of how hard he’s trying to push it away (yea know, like the white bear experiment).

Virgil: Thinks in problem solving, but the problems are of course, the thoughts of his own creation. Incessant about ‘solving’ the perceived problem.... not much else changes.

Logan: The Mad Scientist aesthetic is fun, what can I say? Takes facts and focuses on the scary parts, and then brings them back up on the slightest hint of relevance, and sometimes just Because. Some of it is curiosity taken into a frightening territory and gets overwhelming.

Janus: Emphasis on what happens if terrible things happened. Also likes using the ‘you’re gonna go to hell anyway just dive in with me’ argument. Occasionally pops up in a way that sounds almost nice, then turns horrifying very quickly.

Roman: Take Roman, make his ideas more Remus. He’s already Loud and Proud, just make him scarier, and a little more incessant and probably a little more arrogant for good measure.

[coldshrugs]

thank you for this blessed template, @possumsunshine. this was so fun and cute, i couldn't resist after seeing it on my dash 💗

pulled a couple of answers from oc asks i've done recently because oof this got long.

QUICK READ OF YOUR DETECTIVE

Name: alma greene

Pronouns: she/her

Sexuality: bisexual

Love interest: mason

Best friend: felix but also nate

Main skill: science/tech

Secondary skill: people/psychology

Main personality trait: tied for impulsive and sarcastic

Secondary personality trait: stubborn

Why did they join the Wayhaven PD?: she’s not a detective, but science skills

Relationship with Rebecca: very close, even with absences, but waning

Relationship with Bobby: college friend, currently hates him

Verda or Tina?: both

Murphy bite?: wrist

Murphy’s fate?: at large, babyyy

Rescue LI or Rescue Sanja?: sanja

GENERAL

Name: alma eloise greene

Nickname: sweetheart/space girl by mason; sweetie by rebecca

Birthday: june 12th

Age: 29

Pronouns: she/her

Sexuality: bisexual (demiromantic??)

Hair color: dark brown

Eye color: dark brown, nearly black

Height: 5’1”

Piercings: ears, former nostril piercings

Tattoos: a small snail on her right arm, super cartoony spaceship and tractor beam over the words “i want to believe” on the back of her left calf

Clothing Style: “modern” i guess, according to the game. tbh i usually describe it as “too old to be an e-girl but too cute to care.” bleached denim, dark plaid, graphic crop tops, black vans or converse, thigh-high tights, etc etc

Apartment Style: cozy. did she find it on the side of the road or goodwill or an estate sale? if not, it’s probably not in her apartment.

STATS

Personality:

Charming | Intimidating

Impulsive | Cautious

Sarcastic | Genuine

Friendly | Stoic

Easygoing | Stubborn

Traits:

Heart | Mind

Optimist | Pessimist

Team Player | Independent

Skills:

Main Skill: science/tech

Second Skill: people/psychology

By the Book | Bend the Rules

KEY DECISIONS

Reason for joining the Wayhaven PD: alma is wayhaven’s only forensic analyst because i refuse to let my black oc be a cop

¯\_(ツ)_/¯ in-game, she’s 100% there for her scientific prowess.

Murphy bite: Wrist | Neck | None

Murphy’s Fate: Captured | Escaped

Rescued: Love Interest | Sanja

ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP

Love Interest: mason

Why them?: on a meta level: oh no he’s hot

but alma’s reasoning is that he’s very upfront about what he wants in the beginning and she’s never been pursued in such a way. It’s a bit of a rush and an ego boost for her at first. but mason’s loyalty very quickly becomes the steadiness alma’s been missing for most of her life and she latches on to that. she’s not had someone so dependable around in… well, ever. and her physical attraction becomes emotional VERY quickly.

Bold, shy, or mixed?: shy until they sleep together, then a mix of bold and genuine afterward.

What were their first impressions of each other?:

alma on mason: thought he was super attractive but that was quickly pushed aside by “holy shit, this guy’s an ass.” she thinks he’s an uncooperative jerk that only cares about himself for quite a while, honestly. she asks him along for things she wants to do alone precisely because she thinks he’ll be the most likely to just stay out of her way. she’s surprised by his attitudes and opinions, and her incorrect assumptions about them, during those times.

mason on alma: would never, ever, ever admit that his first thought upon meeting Alma was simply “cute.” he quickly found parts of her to assess individually. those first few days were mostly spent appraising her physical attributes and watching her back when she needed it. mason did find her funny right away, but he wasn’t willing to trust someone new, regardless of that person being their handler’s daughter or not.

What do they find attractive about each other, mentally or physically?:

alma on mason: his eyes, freckles, and every single version of his smile. his decisiveness, differentially, and willingness to stab as a warning.

mason on alma: her hair tbh, there’s just… a lot of it. her hips, her eyelashes. He also likes her adaptability, sense of humor, and the warmth she gives with no expectation of reciprocation.

What do they do to spend time together?: lots of stargazing, lots of watching tv very quietly and making fun of the storylines they don’t understand until they get bored and make out instead, walking around the quieter parts of wayhaven or taking late-night drives.

What is their favorite memory together?: i like to think mason finds the carnival photo of them after the place has been sacked and gives it to alma sometime later. both the taking of the photo and the giving of it are very fond memories for both of them.

What are their love languages?: touch, quality time.

How do they handle being apart from one another?: badly. mason absolutely hates it after a time. if alma’s out of town, he’s in her apartment with the excuse of feeding her cat, but it’s 100% just to sleep in her bed and be around all the things that make her, her. alma does a little better. she’s used to having folks sort of come and go and come again, but she gets almost hyper-insecure?? it’s nothing she’d admit openly, but she’s second-guessing herself in totally unrelated aspects of her life until they’re reunited.

Do they argue? How do they handle arguments and disagreements? How do they make up?: they don’t necessarily argue, but they disagree with the intent to problem solve. alma is pretty flexible and as long as she can understand why someone might feel the way they feel, she’s willing to hear them out or go along with their plan. if an argument does get out of hand, they need space from it for a while. they each have places to retreat for those times, and they wait for the “hey” text to come through to know it’s time to talk about it.

What does their future look like?: alma becomes a vampire two years into their relationship. they move into a quiet, old house on the edge of town until the whole team moves elsewhere. mason has to get used to having a cat because october has several years left in him. they don’t get married, but they’re inseparable.

Anything else you’d like to share: in the time before alma turns, mason learns to perfect making grilled cheese because it’s what alma craves when she’s not feeling well. He makes the grilled cheese then he immediately showers to get the smell off him but he makes it regardless.

BEST FRIEND RELATIONSHIP

Best friend: depending on the playthrough it swaps between felix and nate, but felix feels more in character

Why them?: alma loves felix’s sense of adventure and nosiness. Most of all she loves that he won’t judge her for pulling the same shit every now and then.

What were their first impressions of each other?: alma was super thrown off by that hand kiss. “who the fuck is this mischief-maker?” while nate was very kind and warm, felix (surprisingly) was the UB teammate that really humanized the rest of the team for alma. he’s fun and genuine and wants everyone else to be happy together. felix was incredibly interested to learn more about alma, as a human, as his boss’s daughter, and then as a friend when she readily accepted the supernatural and, by extension, him as a vampire. The fact that she’s easily flustered or surprised really works in his favor because he lives for being the most shocking person in the room.

What do they do to spend time together?: they share music, they dance, and they text A LOT. lots of memes, lots of “what does [x] mean?” “oh nice” “[proceeds to use the thing they just learned incorrectly]”. they also compare and share hair products.

Anything else you’d like to share: they each have a tamagotchi named after the other (baby felix and baby alma) and they compete to see who can keep theirs alive the longest. everyone loses.

OTHER RELATIONSHIPS (Feel free to go in-depth!)

Relationship with Rebecca: oof okay. alma seeks rebecca’s approval and depends on her for a sense of safety and “stability.” in some ways, she wants to be exactly like her mom: strong, independent, unbothered, worldly. but a lot of that shatters the longer alma works professionally with rebecca and with the revelations surrounding rook. alma sees how much rebecca uses her as a crutch, projects her perceived failures onto alma’s life, and over-shelters her.

Relationship with Rook: alma doesn’t remember him and tries not to think of him often or fondly or at all BUT she has so many of his things. his flannels, his detective badge, his ancient comic book collection (which is the only reason she has her own). she has his eyes and his impulsive streak, his care for people of all varieties. she IS rook’s daughter and she ignores that fact so it doesn’t hurt her.

Relationship with Bobby: they used to be very close, slightly flirty friends but there’s no way in hell alma can trust him now. (i originally had bobby as alma’s ex but it was all getting a little too Bella Swan for me. like bobby, douglas, the werewolves, falk, and mason like????? it was a bit much so bobby’s just an old ex-friend)

Relationship with Verda: alma fucking loves verda. that’s her mentor, that’s her dad friend. she feels a sense of Pride and Accomplishment when she can make verda laugh or impress him in the lab, or both. alma’s fond of spending evenings over his place with eric and the kids, making dinner, or just hanging out.

Relationship with Tina: tina was alma’s first friend as a kid. they lost touch in high school because tina was bubbly and cute and popular, while alma was… not. but the summer before they left for college they ran into each other at a house party and since that reconnection, they’ve been thick as thieves. it was like nothing had changed. tina is a light in alma’s life, and alma lets tina lean into the stranger parts of herself without judgment.

Relationship with the Mayor: thinks he’s a creep and a bad parent.

Relationship with Capt. Sung: appreciates how he prioritizes the town and its people, but thinks he could loosen up a bit.

Relationship with Haley: haley is a couple of years older than alma but they’ve known each other forever. alma admires haley’s work ethic and cheery attitude.

Relationship with Elidor: oh man, alma is absolutely stunned by elidor. he’s beautiful, kind, and knowledgeable. in those early days, elidor is responsible for quite a bit of her supernatural education. alma grills him while he nurses her back to health. her curiosity is refreshing to him.

Relationship with Tapeesa/Vieno: alma thinks vieno is cute and funny, says hi when she sees them around, but they’re not best friends or anything. she can’t shake the thought that they’re basically a fae version of danny devito.

Relationship with Unit Alpha: absolutely smitten with lesedi. she’s never seen a more beautiful woman. tamiko ends up being a pretty good friend. the twins are on her social periphery but alma’s not close with them.

Relationship with the Maa-alused: alma sincerely wants to help them adjust to life in this world and takes that goal very seriously. at the same time she really really wishes falk hadn’t developed this weird attachment to her.

Do they have any other important relationships, past or present? (Relatives, friends, etc.?): YES. i’ve thrown another oc in wayhaven for the express purpose of being The Detective. His name is javi. alma met him in college and they were fast friends. alma convinced him to try out wayhaven after graduation. They lived together for a while and now they, along with tina, can often be seen in the corner booth of chen’s pub.

she was also very close with her maternal grandmother before she died. she was raised by her while rebecca was absent, but i need to develop this more.

her cat, october, whom she’s had for five years. he’s a sweet, mostly black tortie that can hardly meow. alma adopted him as an adult when she got her own place.

PERSONAL BIO

Describe their personality: alma is so open and ready to accept new possibilities. she’s the sort of person that embraces what scares her, finds beauty in it, and loves it intensely. she’s sharp and resourceful. i wouldn’t exactly describe her as hard-working, but she’s knowledgeable about her field and tries to be helpful when she has a goal in mind.

she’s quite tactile. touchy with other people. likes to use her hands for work or hobbies. she doesn’t really mind being alone for long stretches of time but would prefer not to be. she wants others to want to be around her.

she’s also terrible at being honest about her trauma. everything is fine, she’s fine, she doesn’t need to talk about this :) :) :) she will handle the breakdown when it happens and not one second before. also, with quick wit comes uncontrollable sarcasm and it does not always hit well.

Strengths: the only person in unit bravo that knows how to use google

Weaknesses: squishy

Where in the world is their Wayhaven?: super torn here because wayhaven feels inland to me, but i think i’ve finally settled on the north carolina coast but not like the outer banks area. If not there, then maybe virginia, closer to the chesapeake bay.

What is their personal history?: alma is born to rook and rebecca in wayhaven. spends her childhood being raised mostly by her grandmother, idolizes rebecca. academic success comes easily for her; a heavy interest in science leads to a scholarship at a university just far away enough to feel like she’s Leaving The Nest. alma dates a bit in college but she’s the type to end up becoming friends with everyone she sleeps with and romance is difficult for her to cultivate. when she does date, the relationships are short-lived. she returns to wayhaven after school and puts her degree to work in wayhaven’s police department. she wishes she’d applied for a position in the city but craves the comfort (and tbh, the low stakes) of home.

If they weren’t a detective, what would their dream job be?: she’s a forensic analyst and honestly?? it’s a pretty dreamy job for her. she loves being a scientist, loves helping people, and isn’t easily grossed out.

Anything else you’d like to share: has tried to stay overnight in an ikea. did not succeed.

RANDOM FACTS

Zodiac sign: gemini

Hobbies: reading peer-reviewed journals, watching terrible sci-fi, collecting comic books and mugs, thrift shopping

Likes: good hair days, denim jackets, vanilla candles, halloween, unflavored lipbalm, driving at night, that warm “surrounded by love” feeling, snails, fuzzy socks

Dislikes: the lights while driving at night, winter, dry skin, minimalist decor, smudged glasses, being overwhelmed with choices

Drink of choice: white wine usually, white russians if she’s out at chen’s, or shots of jaeger if she’s feeling trashy

Starbucks order: grande flat white with 3 pumps of toffee nut syrup and a sprinkle of cinnamon

Favorite food: a simple, fresh spaghetti pomodoro OR lemon meringue pie

Favorite color: golden mustard yellow

Favorite music: she loves just about everything and it’s heavily dependant on her mood. (this is actually really difficult to think about without feeling like i'm giving her my exact taste in music but here's a little playlist that fits her vibe)

Favorite genre (and favorite movie/book/etc): science fiction or psychological thrillers, but her favorite movie is oliver and company.

Favorite season: fall

Anything else you’d like to share: has a stupid amount of blankets stashed around her apartment. she really does not like being cold.

[phoenixyfriend]

The Catboy Valois AU

This one is a little cursed, and inspired by this Totally Spies post.

This AU does contain some nsfw content, which I will place at the end of the post and mark for (it’s right after the dog pics). Once again, this was brainstormed on the GG server, back in October of 2019. Biggest contributor other than myself was @atagotiak​.

So I decided that, at some point, I need to see one of those inexplicable and very horny modern catpeople AUs.

Where a fraction of the population just happens to have cat ears and tails etc. for... minimal reason.

Tarvek def has them. Bc twink. Sticking to the tropes, you know.

All the Valois are catpeople because most of history didn't have the option of interbreeding, just coexisting. Something something sterile hybrids because chromosomes.

Andronicus Valois, Catboy King

Lucrezia was full human and Aaronev never had a chance.

"Most of history" because recently they scienced up ways to get around it, so there are catperson/human hybrids, like Gil and Zeetha (Klaus is human, Zanta is not).

Klaus is kinda glad Gil has cat ears bc this makes people automatically assume he can’t be the dad even if they realize it’s technically possible.

This means Agatha gets her boys.

The human (Lars), the hybrid (Gil), and the cat (Tarvek).

Anevka's initial robot body doesn't have the cat features just due to the fact that Tarvek was aiming for Bare Minimum, and then when he added them in later she decided she liked being able to pick when she had them.

I am morally obligated to reblog the callout art @mercurialvoid​ did for me a few years ago.

We’re not gonna talk about that, though.

human Othar/catgirl Anevka

SCENT MARKING

It's considered Undignified but everyone still DOES it, just... discreetly.

Agatha thinks nothing of it when Zeetha rubs their cheeks together while training and then someone looks at her funny and asks if that's her girlfriend or something.

And Agatha Realizes that she's currently got Belongs-to-Zeetha scent on her and has to scramble to explain that Zeetha kind of adopted her as a little sister because it's the closest approximation she can come up with that still has Acceptable Connotations.

I think platonic marking is a THING but mostly within families, children, and really close female friends, like holding hands. (Toxic masculinity does apply.)

And kolee-zumil is effectively family relationship.

Agatha can't SMELL the scent markings but she gets used to them.

Also like. There's probably different levels of scent marking depending on the body part. Wrists and cheeks are different.

Jagers that used to be catboys have better senses of smell, and are the ones sent to find a Heterodyne.

Agatha and Lars make out but don't go all the way because Agatha is not ready. (Meanwhile, Zeetha can literally smell how horny these dumb kids are.)

TINY BABY GILVEK FACE NUZZLES WHILE STILL ON CW:

(Imagine how much more dangerous the baby gilvek airship-exploring shenanigans would be given one is a catboy and the other is half catboy.)

Gil just kinda scent marks on literally everything/everyone. The boy is affection-starved well into adulthood. He probably purrs too. And purring is probably considered kinda undignified.

Tarvek purrs when he’s designing clothes in his head. He’s embarrassed when he realizes. Everyone thinks it’s cute tho.

Also when crafting super-complicated diabolical plans.

Purring isn’t very diabolical. So it’s embarrassing and doesn’t fit with the aesthetic at all.

It’s hard to do an evil scheme while being an image-conscious catboy.

Gil only. Sort of knows how to cat. He's not very good at it. Zulenna helped but...

Is Von Pinn a cat? Gut says yes. Though it makes it less likely she'd be mistaken for Lu as the students did, but hey! She’d appreciate that.

She probably wouldn’t know how to cat.

Or maybe she would, given we’re assuming hereditary and she was made for Andronicus... She probably knows a bit abt how to tell other people how to cat, but she doesn’t know how to cat herself.

The Muses... not designed to look like catpeople. Ruined the minimalist bodies RVR was going for, going by canon's lack of consistent ears or noses

Agatha does not realize at first that Von-Pinn is a cat-lady because her ears match her hair and every time she sees Agatha her ears go back, and the tail is hidden under the hobble dress.

Otilia is very happy to go from catwoman body to Giant Metal Cat body

KITTY BANGLADESH DUPREE

She's got a faint pattern to her fur that's, on closer inspection, very much indicating she's a PANTHER.

Consider: Tarvek starts working himself up into a frenzied panic and the nearest Trusted Person starts petting him to calm him down and he like. Melts.

TBH tho, a good portion of canon Tarvek’s behaviour can already be described as “cat does something stupid and immediately after attempts to pretend he has dignity even though everyone saw the stupid thing.”

Once Tarvek calms down... Lazy Cat Time.

OH

NECK PINCH

CH would be ecstatic that Agatha snagged two suitors, then swing around to devastated that they’re both catboys, and maybe delusional enough to attempt to cut the ears/tails off like that’d solve anything then come around to “well there’s always science” once it’s fixed.

All Valois have high necks on their outfits, at least at the back

So nobody tries to Deactivate The Cat

(One less thing for Anevka to worry about.)

Because, you know. Canon decided to cut Agatha in half to acquire an heir, so we can’t exactly say the Castle is all that sensible.

It does calm down once Agatha mentions she has Lars, though.

Per @lyratalus​: Krosp could be... so much more dangerous in this AU. What if he was designed to be emperor of all catpeople?

Cats never do what they're told anyways, and you can’t really control people without wasps, but the attempt was made! Vapnoople was ambitious!

Long story short, there's a spark of Something but then they just bat him off the table.

Imagine Seffie making Martellus Stop by deactivating the cat

Violetta is the cutest lil catgirl...

SHE GETS REALLY BRISTLEY WHEN SHE'S MAD

HE'S NOT A TWINK AND IT'S WEIRD. Not even a twunk???

Martellus is

So fucking ODD for a catboy

Like it HAPPENS but it means that human women are more likely to find him attractive than catgirls (and even that's a bit of a long shot on the basis of personality).

(Gil excused from the catboys-are-twink-to-twunk rule on the basis of being half human, and his dad being Basically A Wall.)

That said, for Andy I’m gonna go with "buff as fuck but sooooooo charismatic that all the catgirls, and human girls, flocked to him anyway."

So that’s at least two Bara catboys in this AU

Tarvek is canonically more or less the same size/shape as Gil, but... in my heart, Tarvek’s a twunk. He’s got muscle but he's not AS big, and he's got intense Twink energy, especially since Tarvek actually is queer.

(And they're both straight so they're not even technically bara, just Buff.)

(Not twinks either but...)

(Twink is a fun word.)

Colette is human and Seffie isn't but they'd need science for babies ANYWAY so who cares? It's a lot of Seffie laying her head in Colette's lap and purring as she falls asleep because Colette just keeps petting her.

Catboy Martellus still makes sparkhound shapeshifters. He's a catperson...  but he's still a Dog Person.

Martellus and his dynamic with the sparkhounds:

He loves them, they love him. But they’re embarrassing sometimes.

THIS MARKS THE BEGINNING OF THE NSFW CONTENT

ANYWAY back to the point, which is that a lot of these catperson AUs are just... really super horny.

Which is valid.

Ears are technically erogenous zones for everyone but for the cat people... it's a Lot. It's also not like. Inherently sexual? But it can be. Like spooning. It feels nice ALWAYS but with the right person it's also HORNY.  Or like brushing someone else's hair. 

Ear rubs and headpats that result in like, intense sensation? Good actually.

Also I’m declaring that catpeople have heats. Or at least like. Heightened mating seasons? Extra horny times.

So you have Agatha and Lars normal, Gil kinda horny and confused, and Tarvek rubbing himself against the nearest spouse in hopes that someone's going to fuck the living daylights out of him.

Valois probably take suppressing things as a matter of course bc it’s hard to stay alert to assassination attempts when overwhelmingly horny. When Tarvek deliberately forgoes them eventually, everyone is touched by how much trust it shows.

Without suppressants, the horny is either something you can cope with or something that is intense but comes in Very brief periods. Either one day a month, or a week twice a year? Something like that.

Honestly though, imagine if Gil tried to hide being a catperson for the sake of the Empire or some nonsense, and had to just suffer when in heat?

Agatha likes to watch the boys go at it because there's something about Fangs On Neck that's super pleasurable for cat people and she can't provide that for Tarvek but Gil certainly can.

Bonding marks aren't a thing but possessive biting is.

(Since birth control is so easily accessed in GG, I feel like Lu’s opinion of catboys would be a super gross objectifying thing.)

(Which. Yeah.)

(Lucrezia basically has that opinion on any man in canon that isn’t immediately useful to her for science reasons.)

[bookspined]

❝ that’s all history is after all: scar tissue. ❞

{ cis-man, he/him }  huh, who’s FROY GUTIERREZ? no, you’re mistaken, that’s actually SCORPIUS MALFOY. he is a TWENTY-TWO year old PUREBLOOD wizard who is A HEALING APPRENTICE. he is known for being CAPTIOUS, RETICENT, FACETIOUS, DISMISSIVE, and DRAMATIC but also RESOURCEFUL, CONSCIENTIOUS, FERVENT, INNOVATIVE, and OBSERVANT, so that must be why he always reminds me of the song IN DREAMS BY BEN HOWARD. i hear he is aligned with THE ORDER OF THE PHOENIX, so be sure to keep an eye on him. { merry, 24, gmt, she/they }

CHARACTER PARALLELS: Amy Santiago (B99), Claire Temple (Daredevil), Chidi Anagonye (The Good Place), Giles (Buffy TVS), Michelle Jones (MCU), Simon Tam (Firefly), Elizabeth Swan (PoTC), Spock (Star Trek), Clarke Griffin (The 100), Harley Keener (MCU), Gregory House (House) suggested honorable mention Gizmo (Gremlins) 

pinterest [blood, medical imagery tw]

wanted connection ideas

Full Name: Scorpius Hyperion Malfoy Gender/Pronouns: Cis man | he/him Age: Twenty-three Birthdate: January 20th Parents: Draco Lucius Malfoy & Astoria Céline Malfoy (née Greengrass) [Not biologically Astoria’s due to her health, if you ever point this out he’ll flay your eyeballs] Siblings: N/A. Birth place: St. Mungo’s Hospital, England Height: 5’11” Weight: 56 kg Sexual/Romantic Orientation: Demiromantic Bisexual Nationality: British Body Alterations/Marks: A ragged diamond shape scar at the base of his throat.

Blood Status: Pureblood Hogwarts House: Slytherin Wand Arm: Right Pet: His pet toad, Jarvis, recently passed away. Patronus: Arctic Fox Wand: 11 2/3 inches, Willow, Supple, Dragon Heartstring.

Willow is an uncommon wand wood with healing power, I have noted that the ideal owner for a willow wand often has some (usually unwarranted) insecurity, however well they may try and hide it. While many confident customers insist on trying a willow wand (attracted by their handsome appearance and well-founded reputation for enabling advanced, non-verbal magic) my willow wands have consistently selected those of greatest potential, rather than those who feel they have little to learn. It has always been a proverb in my family that he who has furthest to travel will go fastest with willow.

Personality Traits: Brilliance, innovative, empathetic, individuality, openness, social consciousness, inventive, logical, practical skills and self assertion; lack of attachment to people outside his circle and the “real world,” over-intellectualizing of the emotions, dismissive, anxious, crotchety tempered, facetious, rigid, prone to self-isolation, intellectual arrogance, and stubborn. Zodiac Sign: Aquarius/Capricorn Cusp Moral Alignment: Neutral Good Core values: Loyalty, Knowledge, Hope Four temperaments: Melancholic  

HOGWARTS HOUSE ANALYSIS

Slytherin Primary and a Burned Ravenclaw Secondary.

Slytherin Primaries prioritize their own selves and loved ones first. Slytherins don’t feel guilty or selfish about this– they feel righteous and moral. The most important thing is to look after your own. Abandoning or hurting one of your own is the worst thing you can do.

A Burned Ravenclaw Secondary might want to be skilled, curious, and prepared, but they feel like they are (or like people think they are) limited, clumsy, or inconstant. Gathering knowledge, hobbies, skills, or tools is the right way to achieve their goals, but Burned Ravenclaws know that’s not going to work within their capabilities. So they take other paths and use other tools– maybe a Gryffindor’s bluntness, a Slytherin’s flexibility, or a Hufflepuff’s slow and steady dedication.

You may have a Hufflepuff Secondary Model.

Hufflepuff is the House of grit, reliability, and determination, and Hufflepuffs use those values to help live, act, and succeed. If you model Hufflepuff Secondary, you also value these things and like to live by them. You like to be hardworking, dedicated, and consistent– but you wouldn’t feel guilty for abandoning those values in the service of other, higher priorities. If there’s another, easier way to get what you want– you’d take it. You think hard work provides valuable rewards– and those rewards are why you work. The work doesn’t have persuasive value in itself.

Despite his very best resistance he’s always been pretty empathetic in nature, he tries to rule his emotions as well as he can but fails more often than not. He was always one of those toddlers that if another kid started crying he’d be right along with them, not because he wanted attention but because he just couldn’t not. A bit of a crybaby, has researched how to magically seal up his tear ducts. Obviously managed to keep the family’s flair for the dramatic there as well. After a few years he leant into the sarcastic vague-snobbishness to hide the core of overwhelming anxiety.

Just managed to scrape through his schooling with nearly all top grades, this isn’t really due to him being a model student. He has always accrued information with a voracious appetite. Any knowledge he could find, even if most people would consider it entirely useless. His mind clicks into that place? You can’t keep him away. However, when there is not an immediate stir of interest on his approach to a topic he has to fight with himself tooth and nail to carry on. 

Predictably found exam season highly stressful, was never open about it but was quietly competitive and silently smug over his good grades. Could comprehend well above his reading level from an early age and would often look into experimental research and complicated magic but found himself lost in OWL level History of Magic when chapter upon chapter lay ahead of him about something that didn’t catch his interest. Some people he beat just to spite cause he hates them. It worked, whatever.

Tends toward introversion and finds himself tired sometimes quite easily by a large amount of social interaction. Witty and big-mouthed when he feels comfortable or is in the presence of those that embolden him and very likely to get flustered and snap at people when things are becoming a bit too much. Especially if he feels however unjustly that someone is blocking his escape. Has matured slightly in this since leaving school but it happens still, he’s just anxious. Quite fickle and can at the drop of a hat decide that he’s done with you for the day once his Give Me Attention Meter is maxed. Could be an absolute bloody brat when he felt like it but feels he has grown out of it, which he mostly has.

Always been very, very aware of many people’s distrust of him and his family, he used to sneer and play it up if anyone tried to bring up his dad and go on the offensive but was genuinely affected quite deeply by it all. In his early school years, despite his weakness to the cold, he constantly had his sleeves rolled up to the elbow so that his blank forearm was bared as a statement to just about everyone. I am not marked, I never will be. Now he’s older he has more of a handle on things and can be diplomatic in situations where people are clearly discomforted by his presence and his family history.

Even though the war culminated far earlier in this verse I imagine Scor would have had to have been relatively sheltered as a child if not for how emotionally sensitive and prone to periods of ill-health he was, it was definitely for his own safety. He is still the grandson of a known high-ranking Death Eater and that made him a media target and put one on his back for anyone else that might happen to be watching. 

Never produced much of a talent for offensive magic and wouldn’t resort to those methods unless he had literally no other choice, not a front line fighter by any means. His talents with strategy, potion-making, healing and his perseverance with defensive magic are what define him to the Order. While everyone kind of knows who he hung out with at school and who his friends are he is deliberately very mischievous with releasing rumours and misleading people. He deliberately keeps his cards very close to his chest so most people don’t know that he is aligned with anyone, he usually uses glamours or a scarf to conceal his identity if he has to. 

While he is knowledgeable about healing and anatomy, he is the WORST at taking care of himself. The literal embodiment of Healers make the worst patients, tends to forgo sleep and basic bodily needs if he’s locked into what he’s focusing on. Sometimes needs reminders to sleep and eat, like a child. 

Healing is the most satisfying part of his life and he would never give it up, he likes to experiment as he has a fascination with magic and muggle science and where they might intersect. A fucking nerd honestly. While he thinks he’s being fairly subtle about it a large part of his academic life has been doused in research into blood maledictions, for obvious reasons. He does his best not to flutter too obviously around his Mum. She is capable and ten times stronger than he is. 

Lives in a small studio flat in Diagon Alley that is mostly stacks of books and makeshift shelves.

the stillness of the world the moment you take the first step into fresh snow, cashmere and fine wool, the pearlescence of dreamless sleep draught, the scratch of a quill on parchment, faintly tremoring fingers, a shiver up your spine in a warm room, the exhilaration of a problem solved, a thunderous grey overcast sky, the bite of a stitching charm, sleeves rolled up to the elbows, petrichor, the burn in your eyes before a well of tears.

Always had somewhat fragile health tending toward sickly. Hands are never warm, his existence is an endless heat seeking mission. 

Went to one Slug Club meeting and used his time to verbally berate and or challenge most of the contacts in attendance, he was not asked to return. 

Potions Club, Charms Club, used to sometimes be willing to be dragged to Dueling Club but didn’t enjoy himself. 

Plays quite a bit of chess.

Bruises like a fucking peach and scars so easily.

Views quidditch as a good fly spoiled. 

Is a very skilled pianist almost entirely due to his Grandmother’s tutelage. 

Surprisingly great with children/toddlers/babies, no one including himself expected this, he mostly feared them beforehand. 

Bit of a mummy’s boy in that he practically GLOWS when people talk of Astoria’s achievements. 

When he has time off from healing he will have chipped black nail varnish on. 

Highly intelligent but rarely manages to match a pair of socks, chews his quills but no one else’s. 

While very eloquent and well spoken, he is markedly less posh than when he first arrived at Hogwarts.

When he isn’t prone to bouts of insomnia he can take a nap pretty much anywhere. He was once found in a tree after several frantic hours search.

[ CREDIT : CHARACTER PSD template by @karmahelper (defunct url) I tried to find a current social this week by messaging around but couldn’t find anything unfortunately. Forgot to copy this over from the google doc! ]

[hddnone]

Title : Iron-Dad Squares: TSB Aug Flash 017 - Iron-Dad for @tonystarkbingo C4 - reunion for @buckybarnesbingo Pairing: Tony x Bucky Tags : Humor, fluff, interrupting kids Summary: Bucky just wants to sex up his boyfriend after a long day, but Tony being the Team Dad to the next generation makes that difficult. Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26129104 Word Count: 887

**

Bucky was waiting. Not lurking, he defended to himself, since he lived here too, but simply waiting. He could hear the elevator cables shifting - Tony had made them extra quiet, but Bucky was focusing on them with his full attention - and that meant that his waiting would soon be over.

The doors opened, and Tony strode out. Bucky pounced - a slow pounce, so that Tony had time to see Bucky coming. He had no desire to give his boyfriend a heart attack or activate whatever defenses Tony may have pre-programmed in defense of surprises.

“Long day?” he asked as he backed Tony up against the wall and started loosening Tony’s tie. He made sure to give the skin around Tony’s neck a few extra brushes as he did.

Tony’s welcoming smile turned sultry, his brown eyes darkening. “Long enough to miss you.”

“Not as much as I missed you.”

“You sure you want to start that competition?” Tony’s face was full of challenge.

“I can prove what I need to prove,” Bucky assured as he molded his body against Tony’s. “Bring it, doll.”

The stairwell door flung open and Bucky turned to glare with the full force of his Winter Soldier persona.

“Mr. Stark, Mr. Stark! I think I got it to work, you have to see this!”

When he realized the interruption was Peter Parker, Bucky’s mouth snapped shut on the scathing comment he’d been planning to make. Usually Steve was the only one who took the stairs, but when Peter visited he had more fun using his webs on the hand rails and heaving himself up. Bucky knew better than to yell at Tony’s spiderling protege, and he also knew better than to try and rescue the moment.

He slid away from Tony and tried to curb his disappointment.

Tony held onto Bucky’s arm. Stay, Tony mouthed, and held up his finger for a moment.

“What’s up, spider-kid?” Tony asked as he headed over to Peter. He finished removing his tie along the way, and dropped it and his jacket on a chair.

“That simulation of the new fluid design! It just finished running, and you have to see the results.” Peter shoved a tablet into Tony’s hands. “Oh, hey Mr. Barnes!” Peter waved to Bucky.

“You can call me Bucky,” Bucky explained what had to be at least the fifteenth time.

“Well, I -” Peter stuttered, and then looked relieved when Tony called his attention back to the tablet with a question about one of the graphs.

They descended into science-speak, the words flying far above Bucky’s head. But he smiled as he watched the both of them, their eyes lighting up and their gestures expanding as they talked. Then, just as Tony predicted, Peter was clutching the tablet to his chest and rushing back out of the room as fast as he’d rushed in. He tossed out a “Thanks, Mr. Stark!” as the door swung shut behind him.

“Now,” Tony said as he sauntered back over to Bucky. “Where were we?”

The elevator doors opened and Harley spilled out. Or, a box of stuff spilled out of Harley’s arms and Harley tripped after it.

“I swear I was almost done with this stupid biology project until that happened,” Harley said, his eyes wide and sorrowful and oh so innocent. “But it’s due at the end of the week. Will you help me?”

Tony gaze flicked briefly to Bucky. “You know biology isn’t my thing, right? How about Bruce? He’s the biology guy.”

Harley’s eyes went wide. “Oh, right! And he’d know so much more about DNA!”

“He would,” Tony assured with more humor than offense. “Go on, he’ll be happy to help.”

Bucky hid a smile behind his hand. He wasn’t sure Bruce would be happy about it, but Bruce certainly wasn’t the type of person who would send Harley away. And Harley’s project would definitely be the better for it, given the terrible state of that box.

“Thanks!” Harley tossed out as he kicked everything back into the elevator.

“Good luck,” Tony called out after him. “Okay, now -”

“Sir,” JARVIS said. A hologram popped up in front of Tony’s face.

Accept call from Riri Williams?

“Sorry, it’ll just be -” Tony said to Bucky before he accepted Riri’s call with a wide smile. “Hey there, superstar. What can I do for you?”

“I’ve got this schematic that I’m working on and it’s almost perfect, I just - ugh! Something isn’t right and I can’t figure out what.”

“Well you’ve called the right number,” Tony said. “Put it up on the screen and walk me through it.”

Halfway through Riri talking Tony through her design, she figured out her math error and cut the call, muttering through her revisions.

“So efficient,” Bucky teased as he hugged Tony from behind. “Problem-solver extraordinaire.”

“Delegation,” Tony replied with a laugh. “And letting them solve their own problems.”

“The sign of a great leader.” Bucky nipped kisses down Tony’s neck.

“Well now you can be the great leader and lead me to the bedroom.”

“Sir, you’ve got incoming on the roof,” JARVIS interrupted. “Miss Khan requires your assistance.”

Bucky groaned, but his arms slipped from around Tony easily enough. Tony patted his chest.

���Don’t give up hope just yet?” Tony offered half-heartedly.

Bucky just sighed. “Tell Kamala I said hi.”

[aparrotandaqrow]

Hineni

I went to shul for Rosh Hashanah services earlier this week. It was my first time being physically present at shul in 18 months; I was home to finally visit my family. I hadn’t thought I would go to services, since they would be in person, and with the delta variant surging, I didn’t think it would be safe. My dad was slated to lead Musaf services, though, and I dreaded the tension it would bring to have him go to services, in person, on Rosh Hashanah, one of our holiest days, while I stayed home out of a conviction that going would be unsafe. In the end, my father did not lead services, and services were moved outdoors, due to my father needing kidney stones removed (he’s okay) and his replacement urging for safer, outdoor services. We both went, and enjoyed services together for the first time in almost two years.

The rabbis (we have two) both spoke during their sermons on the respective days of the importance of the word “Hineni”--”Here I am.” It’s a word that shows up several times in the Torah, and is the title of a prayer chanted by the person who leads Musaf during High Holy Day services. In the Torah, it is a response to a question, “Ayeka?”--“Where are you?” The prayer is also an answer--as if to say, here I stand before you, in my entirety, hoping to lead my congregation in prayer and repentance. I hope it’s good enough.

In the Torah, God asks Adam, after he has eaten the fruit, “Ayeka?” Adam does not answer, and instead hides. But Abraham, Jacob, and Moses all respond “Hineni” when God calls out to them. The prophet Isaiah declares that when the people turn to deeds of justice to repent for their sins, rather than meaningless self-flagellation, then when the people cry out to God for relief, God too will respond, “Hineni.”

“Hineni” is meant to be an expression of readiness, and of humility before the task. A reassurance that we are present, and committed to help.

When Abraham responds, “Hineni,” it is at the end of a long list of difficult crises, including the banishment of his son Ishmael and his mother, Hagar. The sages, the rabbi pointed out, teach that Abraham did not say “Hineni” with the vim and vigor of someone eager to go into battle, eager to leap into the task. He said it almost reflexively, as easily as a breath. He was present, and simply being present for God’s next task was his default state of being.

The other rabbi spoke about how climate change is a task that calls for us to say, “Hineni.” We may cry out to God in the face of such adversities that climate change will bring, "Ayeka?" But God might respond, "Hineni; ayeka?"

"I am here, but where are you?"

We must be present, we must each see our own role in the fight, and commit to facing it, rather than turning away from the task. Not a single one of us will solve the problem, and most of us won’t live to see it solved, but we can’t desist.

Rabbi Tamar, speaking on the second day, spoke about the pandemic. And how sometimes it feels like each day we have to say, “Hineni,” and keep going. One more day, after well over 500, after hardship upon hardship. One day more. Hineni.

I think this is something many of us Jews perhaps understood innately, and which gets to the root of my confusion and bewilderment at the behavior of many of my non-Jewish peers. Jews know suffering. As the Christians were screaming about Easter gatherings in April 2020, we Jews shook our heads, remembering our Passover Seders held over Zoom, which we had done without question so that we might save ourselves, our relatives, and our neighbors. So many people give up, decide the pandemic is over, and let their guard down. And then cases rise once more. So many people rail and scream against the prospect of another lockdown, insist it’s not fair, and refuse to wear their masks or socially distance.

They’re not wrong, either. None of it is fair. All of it sucks.

But, hineni. Living is struggling, but here I am. Here we are. One more day. Sometimes, this is simply the way of things. All we can do is be present for the immediate task before us, no matter how many tasks we have already been asked to complete. We don’t get to choose to not live a life of suffering; that is merely the hand we are dealt. But we accept it and we move on. We keep fighting. We survive. Hineni.

Some people view each day of the pandemic as a temporary inconvenience, a day stolen from their promised lives of plenty, which will need to be repaid.

I simply view each day as living. This is my life now, until the world changes and it isn’t. Until then, I simply live. My people suffered for millennia; why should my life be any different--so hineni. Here I am.

Every day, when I put on my mask, I perform the ritual. I take the steps that through the magic of science and public health, will protect myself, my loved ones, and the strangers around me.

Hineni. Here I am.

It is both an inhalation, the breath you take before lifting the heavy box, and an exhalation, the sigh of resignation as you go back inside for yet another box.

Hineni.

It is breathing.

Here I am.

When I log in to Zoom for Saturday morning services with my shul, each face staring at me through a small square on the screen, each of us apart, and together only through the internet--Hineni. Here I am.

As I walk the 10 kilometers to my bubblemate’s apartment, so neither of us has to be alone, and later as I walk the 10 kilometers home, each step taking me further away from my past, from the previous month, week, minute of isolation and pandemic hardship--Hineni. Here I am.

I trudge through the snow in the weak light of the setting winter sun, the sun and the snow my only companions for months, my bubblemate thankfully home with her family. A trail of footprints stretches behind me in the empty park, like words of Torah inscribed on parchment.

Each step--hineni.

I am here. I will not vanish, I will not shy from the task at hand. Hineni.

I take another step.

I type the words of my PhD dissertation, my mind and soul crushed by over half a year alone, but determined to finish the work of the past 6 years. My fish swim behind me in the home office I have constructed for myself. Hineni.

My feet pad softly across the concrete in the early morning, a long walk to a long-awaited destination. The nurse plunges the needle into my deltoid muscle, and I exhale through the momentary pain. Hineni. I thank her for being present with me, 14 kilometers and 14 months from home, and now one shot closer to returning. Hineni.

News of the delta variant grows, and Ontario pauses the reopening. The vaccines alone will not end the pandemic, and my trip home will not be the grand reunion I had anticipated.

I put my mask on as I leave, again, like each day before. Hineni.

The pandemic goes on, and so do I. Hineni.

This is what I could not understand, and also what those who screamed, and complained, and refused did not understand.

Each day I perform the rituals. I say the words, and take the steps that one day will end the pandemic. Hineni.

But they do not perform the rituals. They don’t know they’re supposed to say the words. They have been told what to do, but what they were told has changed, and they don’t understand. And I did not know that they do not understand.

When I say, “Hineni,” this is not a language they understand. They don’t know what it means to simply resolve yourself to yet another day, yet another week, another month, another year. To say, “Hineni.”

To not give up.

I thought Minnesotans would understand more than others; that our familiarity with storms would guide us. We know how to hunker down when the sirens go off, to go someplace safe and bow our heads until the storm has passed.

But storms never last; they are temporary. Now, Minnesotans shop at Target without their masks, as daily cases hit levels not seen in Toronto since the worst of the winter surges.

Perhaps if they knew that sometimes, all you can do is perform the ritual, and say the words. To wear your mask, and get your vaccine. To stay home with your loved ones. To say, “I am here. I am present.”

And hope that it will be enough.

That next year will be better.

Hineni.