#DONT give itself hope it just ruins things

[jolalibrary]

ix. put me to bed

frankie morales x f!reader | chapter nine of i like the way you

best friend! friends with benefits! frankie morales summary: what starts off as an offhand remark, quickly becomes a regular, scheduled 'stress relief'. the only problem is, both of you are in denial that you feel anything outside of friendship for the other.

warnings: friends with benefits. fwb! rules. idiots who are so in love it’s stupid. feelings. angst with fluff. dont hate the jo. a love confession, but not to the other. mention of alcohol (a few drinks). one use of the nickname 'bean', no use of y/n

word count: 4.1k

an: the most overwhelming thanks to @thetriumphantpanda for reading this chapter and the next, and giving me the comfort i needed to say goodbye to them.

He doesn’t know where to begin.

For the longest time, he just stands. Eyes sweeping across the effort you had made—the weight of it hitting into him. Contemplating the reason behind it, letting it mist over him, slathering itself onto his clothes, making them cling to his bones.

Drowned. He feels like he’s drowning.

It’s making everything feel tight, uncomfortable. All the while processing this thing he’s squandered. Ruined. Destroyed like he does everything else in his life.

Because you had broken a rule for him.

A declaration that you had encased in a statement, it all bold. He can only imagine from the display (and an array of wick-burnt candles) that it would have been illumed by dancing flames.

That is if he hadn’t overslept. If he had put on an alarm, done something other than close his eyes and hope.

Usually, Frankie doesn’t nap. He barely, and rarely even sleeps. Hasn’t been particularly good at getting a good amount for a while. Too many thoughts which keep him paralysed in the dark, ifs and buts and maybes all circling. The unknown faces of the loved ones that are left behind because he had something to do, achieve, complete.

Even since he’d gotten out, it hadn’t improved. In fact, it had worsened, doubling more so in the time since Colombia—only improving whenever he finds himself next to you. When your soft breaths in, and out, calm him, the scent of your shampoo takes the last bit of stress from him, handing him only a pleasant night's sleep.

He’d wanted to return the favour—give his attention, his time. It’s why he’d closed his eyes to begin with, why he’d thought grabbing an hour would be beneficial.

Now, it’s spoiled everything.

His teeth leave indents on the inside of his mouth, biting further down until it stings. The pads of his fingers tug at his curls as he unsticks his foot from the floor, deciding it was likely best he begin to tidy.

One, in the hope it’ll distract him, pass the time until you return from wherever it is you’ve gone. Two, because it’ll at least provide you with a clean home to return to—no evidence of the night he’d let you down.

It’s only when he’s cleared the table, mid-scraping the food into your bin, does he glance up. Eyes landing on your fridge, finding the Polaroid stuck to it—the one the two of you had taken at some BBQ years ago. Your lips pressed to his cheek, his eyes closed, lines in the corners as he grins something stupid. It always makes him smile when he sees it—had even begged you to let him take it when he began working away.

No. If you take it, you’ll have nothing to come visit me for.

As if that could ever be true.

He remembers when he told you about his license, the stupid drug charge. You had been the first place he thought of going. Rocking up to your door, enveloped in your porch light he stood more mess than man, shaking, trembling, so fearful that his life would go up in flames. But, you were an anchor, a thing which rooted him and didn’t let him float up into the sky. Hand on his back, guiding him in.

Whatever it is, it’ll be okay, Frank. I promise.

You had been right. Like you were about so many things.

Constantly a calming vibe, a thing he instantly feels better around—relaxing and unknotting him, it not mattering what state he presented himself to you in.

Closing his eyes, he runs his thumb over his phone—without even needing to open them, he finds your contact. Suddenly drowned in the dull ringing tone. It sounds out in the tension, vibrating against it, making it more prominent, until it rings to nothing, stuffing it back where he won’t see you and your face illuminated on the background of his phone.

Sinking into your sofa, he feels he should go. Return back to his place, pass all the buildings he’s just torn past, likely hit each red light on the way home (a thing he’s sure he deserves). He should get behind the wheel, tap his thumbs against it as he hopes you’ll ring him, maybe even force him to change lanes and come to you.

He sits instead. Both in the discomfort of his own making and the sorrow of a failed night—letting it sink into him. Pierce in, leave a mark, an invisible tattoo needled in with what he hopes isn’t your tears, sadness and anger. Yet, he suspects it’s all three.

His phone buzzes, heart flipping as he pulls it out of his jean pocket, hoping he sees your name—sees your face lit up on his screen. That happy one, where your eyes are closed and your mouth is open, it snapped a year ago, his shades hanging off the tip of your nose and a streak of jam on your cheek from a doughnut.

It isn’t your name.

Isn’t even a call.

Just one text, from Will.

Come get your girl, Fish.

He drives calmer than when he’d headed over. Only for the fact he doesn’t want to face the judgment when he arrives.

Because Will is nothing but predictable, likely timing him, knowing the exact minute of when he should arrive from either his own place or yours.

Naturally, he’s greeted by him—waiting outside, arms folded.

“Hey. Where is she?”

Frankie is barely confident he’s shut the door of his truck, only hoping it’ll lock as he presses the button, walking across the road to him—coming face-to-face with his friend.

It’s clear there’s judgment there, all heavy—embedded in confusion and disappointment. Both were like old friends sliding in, sketching across the same face he’d been beside in sand dunes and deep in jungles alongside.

“Inside.”

Something tightens, the rope threading through itself further, creating another knot he’ll struggle to undo. “She tell you?”

Will snorts. “No. But she didn’t not tell me either.”

“You out here to defend her or something?”

Narrowing his eyes, Will just stares—letting it simmer for a moment, letting it bubble in tension before he runs his thumb across his bottom lip.

“No,” he eventually says. “If anything, I’m not sure who she’s more pissed at. Apparently, I betrayed her.”

Frankie bites back a smile, dipping his head, hiding it—hopefully.

“Tell me I upset her for the right reason,” Will continues. “Tell me I didn’t make her look at me all crushed for no reason, Fish.”

Scratching the back of his curls, he swallows.

“C’mon man, gimme something here. I’ve had to watch the two of you do this fuckin’ dance for years. Ever since you left Ben’s. I thought, maybe this is it, maybe the two of them will open their eyes.”

Rubbing his arm, he drags his tongue across his bottom lip. Staring just passed him, at the windows of the bar—wondering if you’re there, if you’re further tucked inside, simmering, all hating and fury—

“Fish.”

“What?”

Giving him a pointed look, Will throws his arms out to the side. Wearing a look he’s seen before. One usually there when he’s telling someone off—berating them.

“What do you want me to tell you?” he asks.

Because, he isn’t sure. Not even wholeheartedly confident he knows what to say.

It’s why it was supposed to come out solid, all sharp edges and deep. Instead, it comes out shaky, weak—wrapped in nerves and encased in concerns. Defeat flowing through him, smothering everything else—made worse by the tilting head of his friend.

“You want me to tell you that I’m in love with her? Well, I am. I have been for… fuck—longer than I’ve known. You want me to tell you that I’ve been happier than I have been the last few months getting to enjoy seeing what it would be like to be with her, because I can’t.”

Swallowing, Frankie runs his hand across his face.

“You want me to tell you that I can’t stop thinking about her, that it feels like my heart has been wrenched out and gutted from my fucking chest because I let her down tonight—that she deserves better—“

“Fish…”

“—she does. Someone good, someone like you who makes her laugh, is there at the drop of a phone call, and can provide—“

The ball doesn’t shrink, it just pulses. Filling the space in his throat, constricting, widening in the limited avenue it has until he almost chokes on it.

“—and I can’t. I… I don’t know how to do any of it. Even if being with her feels like everything—like the fucking rain doesn’t make me think of Colombia, doesn’t make me remember the weight of carrying his body. Because—“

It catches and hits the back of his teeth. Attempting to swallow, shove it back. A sting to his eyes as he tries to blink it away.

But it isn’t so easily hidden, removed—or buried. It’s there now, existing, risen to the surface, bobbing up and down on emotions which are too heavy to sink to the bottom of his soul.

“—Because—“

“Y’need to tell her,” Will says, finally cutting through. Hand on his shoulder, grappling him, digging his fingers in. “Believe me.”

Blinking, he breathes. Takes more air in. Trying to settle his nerves, the adrenaline from letting it all out. “What if I lose her?”

“Y’won’t. Do you know why? Because while you’re getting worked up about what you think she deserves, she’s sat wishing she was good enough for you. So, talk to her. Trust me.”

Nodding, he casts his eyes down, hearing the door of the bar open—the loudness escaping out into the otherwise quiet street—as he locks eyes with you. You, who even with anger simmering, take his fucking breath away.

“I don’t like her like that, Fish,” Will whispers. “Never have. But even if I did, it wouldn’t have mattered. She’s always been yours.”

You’re quiet when he opens the door, even more so when you slide in beside him. A part of you knows he'll hate it, the silent treatment.

But, it's either that, or words, all matted together, coming out like a magician's infinite silk handkerchief.

You're sure that's what is simmering in your chest, all eroding, bubbling, all coiled and twisted. At the heart of it is disappointment, followed up by so much more. It prickles in and around the truck, adding in thick layers to the tension—it all being plucked like the chords of a song.

Your stomach swirls, in the opposite way to your head. The few drinks you had mixed with the emotional whiplash you were still recovering from.

Because when you’d seen him, all you had wanted to do was bury your head into his chest. Somehow hold him, rid yourself of the doubts, the worries. The thoughts which had thundered inside of you, were only diluted by the anger you’d been feeling that maybe, just maybe, he’d decided against doing this thing with you.

It isn’t until the engine rumbles, does your stomach make a noise, a grumble. The hunger rising, not as easily ignored as it had been before—when you’d been turning things over. Purposefully choosing to sit in the complex emotions Will tried to urge you to explain.

But how could you?

Especially when you were unsure at what point they began and ended? A love that had woven in and around all of you, threaded itself between bones and became part of muscles.

“How much did you drink?”

Twisting your fingers around the strap of your bag, you swallow. “Two, maybe three.”

You catch his brow arching, lips tightening into a thin line. His profile is all lit up by the lights above dashing past as he heads down the quiet road.

“Someone spilt a drink on me. That's... that's why you can smell it.”

“You okay—I got a hoodie in the back?”

Snorting, you lick your lips. “No. I’m fine. Was just a shot—smells worse than it is.”

Pulling up to a light, you hear him take a deep breath. A sound you shouldn’t be happy to hear, but you are. It settling things, easing the grip around your heart—the one which had tightened when you’d wondered if something had happened, if he had been hurt—

“You really do stink.”

You don’t laugh, just bite it back, letting the lights go green as he drives and drives. Your head wants nothing more than to turn, stare at him—ask him what happened, shout and even cry.

You do none of it.

Just waiting until he pulls up, in that spot his vehicle always finds itself in. The engine cuts, the air around the two of you turning silent.

It’s just you, and him, your dark and quiet street, and the animals who wish for some privacy as they get up to no good.

“I…” he begins, clearing his throat. “I need you to know I didn’t mean to stand you up—I overslept.”

“I know,” you mumble, shaking your phone. “Saw your text.”

Nodding, he chews his cheek, sighing. “I know people let you down, but please... I wouldn’t, I didn’t mean to do that to you. I just—I needed a nap, just… fuck I just wanted to be more alert.”

Biting your bottom lip, you almost pierce it. It stings, throbs, worsening in the seconds that pass as you nod.

Undoing your seatbelt, shifting yourself to the side. Pulse thumping in your ear, beating, getting louder and louder, and then you look at him.

The way his eyes have widened, soft, all worried. His face pinched, his lips in a thin line, but it’s the dark circles under his eyes, the darkened tinge you know wasn’t there the week prior.

Because you’ve mapped him. Know every inch of him now. Somehow able to carve him from clay with how your hands know him, able to spot the way his hand feels in yours from a lineup.

“I just didn’t want to have waited all week to see you, and fall asleep once I was around you.”

Snorting. “I must be good company.”

He whispers your name, more urgently, all quick. “You’re… I feel relaxed around you, that’s all.”

Sighing, the car fills with the sound, as he lets his head roll back onto the headrest. And you can feel him staring at you, getting the feeling he’s unable to take his eyes off of you. As if he’s almost unable to, commanded to.

You hate that you feel the same. That you always feel the same. Your eyes scanning over each angle of his face, an act you’ve done thousands of times, but this time, feels, different.

“Why didn’t you tell me you weren’t sleeping?”

“It’s not that I’m not sleeping. More that I’m just not sleeping as well.”

You almost say same. Spill it. Share it with him.

You’re just fearful of what will come with it. Confessions are so easy when your mind is full of the things you can’t say, mixing with the tiredness that’s come on from worrying, from being nervous, from crying—from keeping a tight lip when Will tried to get you to open up.

At this point, it would be easier to tell him that you dream of waking beside him. Your linens, but in his bedroom—all dark walls that make the day not seem like it's arrived, just so you could steal more time with him.

“How long?”

Smirking, it softens into a smile as the seconds collect. “Since I began spending one night a week curled up against you.”

Eyes dropping, your fingers begin playing with the zip on your bag. Pulse thundering in your head, that little screech starting in your eardrum as you try to keep yourself calm, try not to let yourself get ahead of yourself.

“It’s why…” pinching the bridge of his nose, you let your gaze wander back to him. “I just wanted to see you on more sleep than I’d had since I was up there.”

“Don’t be cute.”

“You want me to turn it off?”

Looking down, you nod. A playful smile begins to grace your lips, feeling him still watching you. You sit in it—all the things unspoken. The fact that hours ago, all you had wanted to do was pour your heart out, tell him, clutch his cheeks—love me, Frankie, please love me.

Now, you fiddle with any part of your bag you can. Secretly wanting him to kiss you, render you thoughtless—make the night fade, blend into a sea of other ones. Because you’re not sure how to explain to him how often you think of him, how his name comes so easily to rest on your lips when you first wake in the morning when you’re having a bad day, when your hand is sliding under the band of your underwear seeking a little something to unwind.

It’s him. Always him.

Even if you know that a part of you also knows he isn’t yours. He doesn’t owe you anything, it all barely an agreement, barely anything in place which would explain the way you feeling—how crestfallen, shattered and smashed into a thousand pieces.

“Bean…” he whispers.

Forcing your eyes to drag up. “You’ve not called me that in ages.”

Smiling half-heartedly, he snorts.

An old nickname, a thing he called you for no reason, but it stuck. Became a fixture. A thing now replaced with other pet names, other terms of affection. You're not sure which one makes your heart double in size more.

Not now. Not when all you do is feel so much for him.

“I’m so sorry.”

“I know,” you reply. And you do.

Not meeting his eyes, not able to, a part of you worrying what will happen if you do—will you ever be able to look away? Will he see through the facade you’d throw up for him, see all the ways he’s managed to bring old scars to the surface, make you feel at fault, foolish—

Your insides churn.

“Okay.”

Lifting your chin, you slide your hand over to take his, gripping it, not letting go. Because there’s not a thing you wanted more than him, not ever. Not when you’d been sat waiting, with time to tick on, and not now sat, feeling his guilt wash from him in thick, horrid waves.

“I thought you’d had enough of me.”

It’s all you can say, swallowing the rest. That you’d worried you were broken, unsave-able—forever destined to be let down and hurt. A pattern of it stitched into you before him, a sea of bad dates and bad relationships, each leaving a different insecurity nestled within you.

“Never,” he breathes.

You blink, feeling the corners blur as the tears approach—your elbow resting on the door of his truck, teeth nipping at your thumb, biting down harder, more intently, just to stifle them. Stop them from building more, fearful of them falling.

Because it heals a shard inside of you—apply glue to it, knowing it’ll be set in a few hours.

“You coming in?”

“Sure, querida.”

Another part of you calms. It sliding back into its original place inside of you—able to take a breath, a real one. Hearing his footsteps fall behind you, your fingers finding your keys, as your door unlocks with far too much ease with how you’d slammed it earlier tonight.

It’s only when you throw your bag on the hook, passing the jacket he’d left behind, that your mind remembers the evidence at your dining table. The thing you wouldn’t be able to explain, even if you tried. The words are all jumbled now, blasted to the inside of your brain by earlier sobs, anger and now beer.

“I’ve already seen it.”

His voice sounds louder in the quiet of your home and the thudding of your head. Your brain whirring, trying to catch up, to think on your feet—be quick, be witty, do something, say anything.

“Tomorrow?” he adds, cutting you off before words even begin to be thought.

A lump forms in your throat, beginning there, all unable to be swallowed as he runs his hand up and down your arm before he heads into your kitchen. You follow, slowly, more cautious in your steps as you hear the tap, hear him grab a glass—all movements that feel normal, but now feel the very opposite of that.

“Drink this.”

“I’m not that drunk.”

“Humour me,” he says, nudging the glass into your hand.

It allows you a moment to spot the table—how spotless it is, the only evidence of the night being the candles, the cutlery he hadn’t put away, the rest is gone, vanished.

“Came to find you,” he says, all able to read you—a thing he does with far too much ease.

And it makes you worry, and panic. Because if he can so easily discern this, does he already know? Had it been an element of why he had needed the nap—more energy to end this, the thing the two of you have that has been more than just sex. It has become something so much more.

You had known it. Had been feeling it.

It was evidenced by the fact you had begun to count more than days till you could see him.

“Remember when you cleaned sick of my floor.”

Snorting, he leans against your counter, all legs outstretched, arms folding—even the outline of him handsome, barely needing the light on to see how good he looks. Because that’s just him.

“Vividly,” he says, smirking. “Not repeating that tonight, are you?”

“No. Didn’t drink much.”

“You keep saying that but your eyes are glazed.”

You bite your lip. “I didn’t eat.”

He doesn’t speak but rather makes a noise. Something in the back of his throat, something he buries in a cough, smothering it from existence with a wipe of his face, as you drain the last bit of your glass.

“Good gi…”

Biting your bottom lip, you pause as you offer it to him, staring at him.

It’s likely wrong, not the thing you should do, but you do it anyway. The gap closing, all easy to do (barely more than three steps) as you clutch his cheeks, crashing your lips to his, hoping it says enough—a gesture which speaks a thousand of the words which keep circling, swimming.

Can you hear me love you, Morales?

His lips moving with yours, the tip of his tongue sliding across your bottom lip—warm, eager, likely saying just as many things, but they’re not easy to read, to tell.

Pulling back, you press your forehead against him, fingers working around his neck, twirling a curl or two. Just being. Taking in the way you can feel his heart hammer against yours, the two of them trying to find a rhythm, desperate to match, to fit.

“Should sleep,” he whispers against you, a soft kiss against your skin. “We can… we can talk tomorrow.”

“Stay—“

Nodding, he cups your face with his hands. “I will, baby. I promise. Out here, on the sofa. You… we should talk tomorrow. You’re tired, I’m tired.”

Tears threaten to spill, hanging, all delicate from your lashes as you slowly lift your head, trying to nod. Your throat tightening, clenching.

“Bean, don’t cry. It’s gonna be alright, we’ll sleep and then tomorrow we’ll talk and it’ll be fine.”

Biting the inside of your cheek, you try to smile. “Okay.”

Kissing your forehead, he lingers, your fingers hovering over his waist, desperate to pull him close.

“You’re not leaving me are you?”

Something shifts in his eyes. A moment where they widen and then narrow ever so slightly—like they’re being pinched by his thoughts, things he likes wants to say, spill, let you know and understand.

“No. Never,” he whispers, fingers clutching your chin, thumb drawing a line up and down it. “I’ll tell you how I’m never going to tomorrow. When you’re sober.”

Okay, you think. Biting your lip, casting your eyes down when you hear him say your name.

“If I…” Frankie scratches the back of his head. “You’ve had a drink… I don’t wanna push things, but if you—”

“I want to fall asleep with you,” you cut in.

Okay, you hear.

And it’s different than the one you thought, different than the nervousness in his voice a second ago. It’s different—all of it. You just hope different doesn’t mean wrong.

FINAL CHAPTER ->

[lemedstudent2021]

4 years ago when the dumbfuck (biden) won, i was a first year university student, nodding along solemnly when my family briefly discussed foreign and internal politics over our tea, pleased to be finally old enough to somewhat contribute to adult conversations.

i still clearly remember my aunt saying "well, he isnt any better [than his predecessor] but at least he cant be worse". the conversation moved on from there, but my thoughts lingered. i didnt know if i wanted to be a cynic or an optimist, so i drank my tea in silence.

--

this past year has been one of the darkest in our human history, the scale of death and destruction and pure unadulterated depravity is unmatched. it will truly be long before the world can hope to recover from the atrocious damage that has been dealt, if it ever does.

i wont go into details mainly because i havent the time nor interest in doing so, but the world to no ones surprise is changing, fast and taking a turn for the worse. it has been for years perhaps even decades now. in the grand scheme of things i mean.

for many of us this is nothing new per se, merely a tangible extension of our worst nightmares and fears, but for many others its a reign of terror of the most potent kind. one that will herald further losses, but this time around very few will be spared.

--

despite myself i did think that common sense would prevail and wed see the the fucker (trump) behind bars and hopefully dead and not- as of writing- about to win another 4 wretched years in office.

theres a sort of grim satisfaction seeing the bitch (harris) getting a big fuck you to the face, but its devastating to think that she is losing has already lost? to the biggest fuck you to the planet. i truly dont want to imagine what the world is going to look like 4 years from now. if there is anything left of the world to look at.

--

there isnt much to say or add i think. nothing i can contribute at least for the time being. i would however like to point to what jon stewart bless his soul has to say about the matter

esp at 02:15

sounds hypocritical to say after having said nothing but the worst, but i mean it when i believe that this isnt the end. to give up now is to doom ourselves and the rest of the world (and perhaps the trajectory of humanity itself, whos to say) into eternal darkness.

ive said it many a time on this blog before and ill continue to say it for as long as there is life in me; power will always be with the people. weve seen it time and time again throught history and before our eyes. we are a force to be reckoned with.

we do hold the power to change the tides, look how many countries fought with everything they had for their freedom, how many times we arose from the ruins and started building anew and with just as much fervour, how much damage we can do to the institutions that dare to transgress.

war brings out the worst in some but the best in others. this is a war, one the corrupt wage on the sanctity of our lives and human rights, one were all on the front lines of, for ourselves and those around us.

--

as cliche as it is, and i admit to it being so, our chances honestly are better when we move and act as one. dont be fooled into thinking our differences will seperate us; those in power follow the age old rule of divide and conquer & thrive when we are scattered and lost.

show them that our spirit is one and whole, prove to them that we wont give into their unjust demands. look out for one another and dont hesitate to come to each others aid. be kind to yourselves.

humanity as a whole literally and metaphorically depends on it.

Godbless & Godspeed

[firesnap]

this might sounds stupid, but i guess its one of the ways im trying to handle the situation.

i dont want to support W, i don't want it to affect me so badly, and i also don't want to try and make myelf more comfortable and do nothing

but at the same time, the music he and the band have made mean So Much to me. they helped me get thoughts lines up that were jumbled in my head, they made me feel heard and seen and like i wasnt alone. and the community that came with it, the creativity, the joy. it hurts that that stuff is tainted now

what would you reccomend in the area of continuing/discontinuing to listen to their music? like i said, i feel so guilty that im even asking this, but it still means so much to me, more than i wish it did

i hope everyone going through this too is doing alright, we'll be okay

There's two camps on this -- that once the music is out in the world it's the worlds. You divorce it from the artist and you do with it what you like.

The other is that the artist is tied to the music regardless and that listening to it is a tacit acceptance of the behaviors of the creator.

I think the answer is somewhere in the middle, because I don't think we should financially support the band anymore (and I say this as someone who has given them. a lot. of money), but I do agree that once a song is in the world it is no longer the artist's. People talk about death of the author with stories, but I think that applies to songwriters tenfold more than stories. Lyrics are often vague pieces of poetry and music itself doesn't have an agenda..

Some of my best friends absolutely love The Beatles. John Lennon was a pretty horrible guy. I don't think everything John Lennon touched is ruined. Same with. Well. So many musicians. A ton of 80's bands, David Bowie, Led Zeppelin, The 1979, The Beach Boys, Oasis... I could go on and on.

Personally, I don't think I can ever hear a song from MSR ever again. It already bordered far too intimate and revealing his relationship with Shelby and now, knowing what we know, I just can't do it.

The band's songs. I mean, what can we do. I heard one of their songs on the radio yesterday. I don't see myself going back to listening to them even casually, but I think as long as you aren't financially supporting them it's no different than having 100's other musicians on a playlist that have done bad things.

Give yourself a break for now though. Take a break from it and clear your head and see if, with some distance, it's even still something you want to hear. You'd be surprised how with some distance you realize that you're clinging more to memories than the songs.

And if you find that's not the case, it's songs. You download them on your phone and they're not his anymore.

[ganondoodle]

I am sorry to hear that the depression has stolen your spark.

I want you to know that you are the sole reason I gave Skyward Sword a chance. Your art was so beautiful and compelling that I just had to know about the media it came from.

Your art introduced me to an incredible community that years later, I am still benefitting from. Your art was the gateway, and I've always been thankful to you for that.

I hope your spark realights, and I hope you can kick depression right in its ass.

i- i did that????? qoq

yes im reviving old reaction pictures

i hope im not ruining the mood bc .. this legitimately made me tear up and i kept thinking of this ever since receiving the ask-

but bc i cant keep my mouth shut (i apologize if you are already well aware of all this i just .. like to talk i guess), i ... idk i have said this before but i feel incredibly conflicted about demise (am i allowed to like him??? do i even like him when i changed him so much??? am i a fraud fan????) and the game he comes from, i .. dont actually like skyward sword that much, or, not as much as it may seem like (my favorite is windwaker, second is botw), every now and then i even feel guilty for demise being my blorbo tm- as much as i love him im under no illusion what his introduction to the series did, the games lore is not .. great, it seems to have kickstarted the decline of the series writing and completely torpedoed any sort of fandom discussion by making zelda a literal reincarnation of the good tm gods of love and light and peace and everything good tm uwu and pit her against an evil demonnnnn that just crawled out the earth one day (??) and was only evil and bad and dark and hate incarnate an hated the good tm gods bc hes jsut so eviiiil, it gave rise to the utter dissmissal of any sort of ganondorf related discussions (funny how it only seems to apply to ganondorf, and none of the other villains hmmmmmmmmmmmm) bc, while not confirmed confirmed (though the fandom likes to pretend that), hes now widely seen as a reincarnation of demise and thus, doesnt need nuance or be given any grace or thought bc apparently when you say someone is a demon (or its reincarnation, which i dont believe ganondorf is, to be clear) that means its fine to not give them any thought bc demons are just evil tm and thats ok and good writing actually (wat????)

(if you take skysw as canonically how it all went down bc my interpretation makes it all be a fabricated lie so the gods can play their little games, there is no godess reincarnation, that was a lie to make way for an opressive kingdom belivieing itself to be irrevocably good no matter what they do etc)

it also cheapens any of the past entries, all of them have been flattened by this, why disscuss ganondorfs motivation lol, he just be a demon/demons puppet, zelda could never be wrong or do bad things bc she literal incarnation of goodness uwu etc- (and then totk, only the second game after skysw, retreads its points and makes it even worse while ALSO trampeling over that game imo)

i dont like saying it, but i do feel a little alienated even from ganondorf fans (i love him too!!!!!) bc they hate demise, and rightfully so, it feels weird having your main blorbo be the reason your second fav is constantly done dirty, why you cant even talk about anything critically bc 'iTs jUst a sIMpLe fAiRytALe' now and part of the reason the lore in general has gone to shit, and i dont know how much i can talk about that before i become an obnoxious 'well ACTUALLY my blorbo, who is the reason for all this, is ALSO done dirty and im gonna explain away the bad stuff via my completely noncanon reinterpretation-' guy, or if i already am what im doing with destiny is like .. my way of trying to fix it and make it interesting again? though at this point i guess im falling into the category of people who change their blorbo so much that there really isnt anythign left of the og, which worries me alot, though i wonder if thats even possible given how little there is to him in the first place, i so often see viral posts that make me feel guilty or conflicted for the way i work with media, "actually my blorbo did all those crimes and thats good you all who need to explain away the bad things are weak and annoying!!" "people who change their favs until they barely resemble the character anymore should just make an oc instead!!"-

i dont know if i take these types of posts too literally, i dont know when or how they apply, but it always circles around in my head, i know not everyone can like what you do, but i want to work with the material i have in an interesting way, not a puritanical way (or however you call that), its not in my mind every second, but it nevertheless makes me doubt what i do with my fanworks anytime i talk about them-

... this wasnt really the point of the message was it ... apologies, i hope not every ask will devolve into a sort of mini rant ;__; i dont mean to invalidate what you said, (and im not saying skyward sword is all bad, its full of charm, from characters to designs, just the lore is .. damaging) it is incredibly touching bc me or my art having a positive impact on people blindsides me every single time like "WHAT??? IMPOSSIBLE you MUST be thinking of someone else, no way i could do that", when something gets brought up my thoughts just kinda start pouring out, i thought about deleting everything i wrote, but then felt like that wouldnt be as genuine anymore (i am not normal tm after all and im long past a point pretending otherwise) and have wasted another hour for nothing, so im gonne leave it in and hope, pray even, it comes across correctly

q-q

[mvmnbnv]

Hi, I don’t know if you’ve spoken in depth about your feelings on Vi’s relationship with Caitlyn or what you think of Caitvi, but I know you mentioned you can’t seem to enjoy the ship as much. Although they said Arcane is now canon, we can all assume the general direction of her character will be like in the game. How do you feel about that? Would you be satisfied?

I know for myself I can relate to not being able to enjoy the ship as much. How I consume content around them has kinda been lowkey ruined because of their fans. I definitely think I’m being ridiculous and overly sensitive.

I just dislike how they’ve chosen to speak on the overall characters/plot/storyline especially ones that are quite serious, but then analyze things in the most black and white way. Including Vi’s character where they can’t even try to put herself in her shoes and think about everything she’s experienced, but then just be so…shallow about it. It’s like they’re not seeing her entire character or story. Just her relationship. Her own fans can’t even give her some basic empathy.

I hate how I’m basically letting them ruin the show for me. It’s ridiculous of me to react this way.

hi!

i havent spoken in depth here about caitvi mostly because my content is pretty vi centric. if anything i just mention caitlyn in passing unless i have an analysis on her too. but i really am unsure about how i feel about the ship atm, and its mostly because of what we've already seen but also what we havent seen. and yeah then there's the fandom itself. they speak about vi in pretty shallow ways when it comes to her pain and it just gets frustrating. but its also the choices theyve let us know they made with her and it almost seems like she has no plot outside of caitlyn. during her pitfighter arc caitlyn is all she thinks about. not vander? her mom? Loris (her big enforcer buddy) after they parted ways? hell not powder??? the one who she failed in her mind?? they were planning on putting a cupcake on the back of her jacket? really...? during a time like that? meanwhile one of the writers go on about listening to songs about unrequited love and how they inspired her decisions...like im not a fan. I already know the unrequited stuff is going to be coming from cait's side because of where she is at this point, while vi puts all this time into her, another creator even implying that cait is pretty much home for her now.. the imbalance in this relationship is just icky to me and i feel bad for vi's end of it. especially after having everything ripped from her during her pitfighter arc. for fuck sake i need them to adress this attitude she has toward caitlyn as the character flaw that it is. but the thing is i havent even watched the show so how do i know they dont, yknow? and the way things are set up in their LoL lore, from vi having her own place to them only being speculated to have had something going on by the people around them but not really being confirmed, makes me hopeful for vi. i need her to start putting up boundaries, start having a spine and to not just lean on caitlyn, because we already see it not end well for her. this season is going to stress their power imbalance further and it makes me just hope they go about it in the right way, and that vi isnt just some love sick puppy crawling back to cait after all the shit she's done (enacting martial law, working with ambessa etc) because she's dependent, espeically when one of the writers has been going on about unrequited love...that just feels gross.

in conclusion yeah, its kind of a mix of fandom and what has been presented so far as far as trailers and whatnot. dont feel bad that thats how you feel, it happens lol. but we all will have plenty of time to make our own conclusions when we see the show in its full glory

[eggnogisyummy]

For anyone that is curious, here is some info of my Redemption AU of the SAMS!

**NOTE: THIS IS A SAMS AU, NOT EVERYTHING IS GONNA BE CANNON**

*Basic Info: The redemptions first started between the time when Solar Flare was made and when Bloodmoon was supposed to die. It first started with KC, then Bloodmoon, until finally Eclipse(though he put up a fight about it first). Characters such as Solar, Jacko, Forkface and Ruin still came through time.

*Characters! (Oh boy 🥲)---------

Sun: Has anxiety and trust problems. He fully doesn't trust the ex Villians and hates it when he doesn't get info on what they're doing. He's in a relationship with Bloodmoon as well, not by force by any means but still has some trust issues with the twins.

Moon: A mix of the old Moon and the new Moon. They took KC out, though the memories stayed and the code had to sort of rebuild itself. Moon is sort of keeping tabs on everyone, though he keeps overworking himself and sometimes really snappy but he truly does care for his family. He has the star hidden somewhere and plans to use it to get rid of the creator.

Earth: Still the main therapist, Earth helps the Villians see the wrongs they have done and how they could make up for it in some way. She has a small therapy garden she likes to take care of.

Lunar: He helps Earth with the Therapy, sometimes giving his own advice, throwing in humor and/or just being the stress ball/plush(since y'know, hes still made of nano machines at this point). He also works in the theater.

KC: Basically the tired but loving dad. He works at a soup kitchen and takes care of Eclipse, Solar Flare and Bloodmoon. He visits the daycare every now and again, especially on Halloween since the kids love to see him on that day. He's trying to look for a partner through Tinder of course, and does SoundCloud rapping to pass the time. He's pretty decent and is taking lessons.

Eclipse: Still a bastard, he's the least nicest of everyone. He throws insults whenever he feels like it, but doesn't do any actual physical harm anymore. He refuses to go to therapy, but KC drags him to it anyway. He has his own body, but he can't upgrade it to make himself stronger since they don't want to risk Eclipse trying to kill them all again.

BM: Nano machine ADHD twins, they still hunger for meat and blood. However KC managed to get blood bags and raw meat from stores. If Bloodmoon stays good sometimes KC will even give him a really bad guy to kill. BM is currently dating Sun.

Solar Flare: SF is the youngest, and the favorite child since he knows when to mind his own business and not act like a lunatic. He's still growing as an AI, but he's better at recognizing emotions and feelings, like the feeling of trauma from when Eclipse tried to take him over and the hatered he has for Eclipse. He tried to find ways to hurt Eclipse, though usually he keeps himself from doing those things. Sometimes he just can't help it.

Solar: He's Solar. And not dead, since Ruin didn't get a chance to kill him.

Forkface: They dont have really any huge beef with anyone except for the Creator and Ruin. They're still mysterious and powerful, but still loveable. They are living happily with Ruin Monty and are getting married soon.

Ruin: He is under supervision almost 24/7 after he tried to kill all the creators. He almost succeeded, but Bloodmoon and Eclipse were able to stop the machine before it could kill off Solar's creator. Ruin is fine with being supervised and is willing to be redeemed, even if the process is slow.

Jack: Jack is Solar Flare's best friend since the two are both growing AIs(and bodyguards lol). He enjoys playing with Sun's cats and protecting his family. He hates Ruin with a passion and doesn't want anything to do with him.

Creator: Still the main Villian and a horrible father. Kidnapped Lunar once and literally everyone ganged up on him, especially KC. He's currently in hiding and everyone is hoping he stays like that and doesn't bother them again.

If you have any questions please feel free to ask! Thanks!

[silantryoo]

as much as im annoyed by the potential implications of the mhj/hybe drama i do feel like theres way too much speculation rn ... rlly doesn't sit so well with me that everyone is bashing on mhj alone (im not supporting her either though) and not bang sihyuk too. some hybe stans rlly js worship the guy and idk why . its not like he's innocent too. like those texts from him are so annoying too. abt if she's satisfied that nwjns is so popular and also abt trying to rival aespa / bp alone ...

hybe has sm power and r known for their mediaplay so i rlly do wish people would keep that in mind instead of doing their own speculation to bash on mhj . we don't know fs if she's the reason behind seunghan, youngseo, etc .... it seems so forced that everyone just collectively is making stuff up on their own theories and pissing on her. like im all for it when everything's done with but it's giving misogyny to me ughhh idk how to explain it eitherr without sounding like a mhj stan I PROMISE IM NOT TAKING HER SIDE T_T i just cant help but feel like poeple find it easier to hate and bash on women sometimes. even me scrolling x nowadays feels so annoying. literally feel so bad for illit and nwjns rn.

personally i was a teeny annoyed that illit had a similar image to nwjns w their nostalgia/coquettecore (also though just seems like cute/youthful concept is making a cb in general in kpop) but only because their songs on super real me were the exact type of songs i liked most from nwjns (super shy, hurt etc. the softer less peppy songs compared to hybe boy) so it bothered me that there was an implication that nwjns might be forced to distance itself to a more differing concept to keep some contrast btwn the two ... but ik that's not illit's fault at all (literally love the girls sm im a runext fan ^^) i feel like i can understand the upset that illit was getting a similar concept when every other grp before illit in hybe had more defined concepts seperating each other. but once again that's all hybe's doing ...... seeing the choreographers supporting mhj too makes it seem like not even the nwjns team or even all the staff were on board with the references in the choreo either...

anyways i do hope this controversy doesnt impede on either grps promos :( and i rlly hope everything gets sorted out... im srsly hoping this doesnt turn into a 5050 situtation again but with nwjns i was so upset when that happened . was curious on what your thoughts were or if u were keeping up with everything?

the way im coming back to reply to this first thing after my exams is insane, but this nwjns thing makes me so angry for all the idols under hybe. both parties j cares sm ab money that they're blindsided by the potential of ruining their idols careers, mental health and images. mhj is being stupid and hybe does seem to be doing anything to protect nwjns (as far as we know. i could be wrong).

(yawl, jsyk i obv dont have ALL the information. from what ive seen online and the articles ive read, this is what I THINK. ME. youre free to think smthn else, whether i agree or not.)

i def thing that bang hyung sik (bhs) isn't innocent either. although min heejin (mhj), in my opinion, is more in the wrong j based on the treatment of other idols, bhs seemed to provoke her, and on top of that, the company seems to blindly support ppl and give them a platform so long as they make profit for the company. ive been seeing a lot of ppl saying hes j human but youd think theres a reason why mhj got kicked from sm, yk? and you j took her back in w open arms.

hybe is v good at media play fs. its their forte, and ppl seemed to stray from the from the main problem. mhj is using nwjns as a weapon. hybe probably is doing the same thing w their other groups too, dont get me wrong. ppl seem to forget that this entire issue isnt "drama", its a legal battle ensuing between a huge corporation and its subsidiary. hybe has infinite power compared to ador. its horrible on both ends.

the thing is tho, mhj has consistently been showing the public red flags. the lyrics of 'cookie (ik she didnt write the lyrics but shes the ceo. she got them approved)', the portraits gifted to her of naked underaged girls, her obsession w olivia hussey (who happens to look like minji), her treatment of sm employees, her past work w shinee (sexualization of underaged taemin), etc. not to mention her extremely (at least in my eyes) inappropriate relationship w nwjns. the gifts shes gotten them and how she uses their emotions as a weapon. if bhs did that, everyone would be up in arms.

i dont think (for the most part) this is misogyny. i think ppl alw had a weird feeling about her. at least i did.

idt its good to speculate on ppls departure tho. youre def right ab that. the lsfm hate train (esp the coachella one) most likely has nothing to do w mhj. and i do agree that hybe copied or was at least inspired by nwjns, but idt illit copied them. illit and nwjns have a very 'pinkpantheress' sound, the uk early 00's bedroom pop genre. however, nwjns is more y2k and illit is more dream-like, ykwim? hybe was def inspired by nwjns tho. i think a more fitting one would be tws tbh. their sound is v similar to me (emphasis on to me) than illit.

dont get me wrong, it's incredibly shady and the way that a lot of staff are on her side makes me think that hybe was leeching off of the success of nwjns. it referenced all girl groups under hybe tho, lsfm and fromis, but there was def more nwjns references.

what im worried ab the most are the groups, esp nwjns. lsfm has been going thru their own struggles and rn this isnt the best for them, but theyre not extremely involved in the situation, not like nwjns and illit. illit, from what ive seen, has majority of the success and recognition from overseas. however, their success in korea'll take a huge hit. itll def take a toll on the girls mental, considering they j debuted and this happened.

nwjns is the worst off. theres a chance they might leave w mhj if ador does pull away from hybe, which isnt in the groups best interest. mhj's press conference and overall attitude is gonna affect their upcoming release fs, and their proximity to mhj herself is worrisome.

hybe doesnt seem to be doing shit to protect their artists, they're j protecting their name. theres no statement on or for illit, no statement on malicious comments for any of the groups (that i know of).

tldr: min heejin and hybe are both at fault. dont take sides of either, take the side of the idols.

sorry, im j so passionate ab this. the shit ive been seeing online has been making me mad. after getting back from the lsfm hate train too... as mad as i am at mhj, hybe GAVE her that platform. if the things they claim is true, and if the speculation is true, they alr knew from her past employment that she was shady. its their fault for allowing that.

[peteytheparrot]

Have you watched Ramshackle? (It’s that new animated pilot) 👀

Yeah I have and I have some… not so nice opinions on it to say the least 🥶

It wasn’t that good IMMM SORRRYYYYY LIKE IT WAS WELL ANIMATED AND I LIKED THE CHARACTER DESIGNS BUT THE PLOT ITSELF??? NAW BRO I COULDN’T IT WAS SO MIDDD

It was wacky to an absurd degree and doesn’t make its wackiness make sense, the rich people turning into zombies? Huh?? The baby eating someone and no one caring about it like oh ok then guess that’s normal?? The WHOLEEE fucking angel thing?? Helloo?? What is happening??? Whatttt??? It’s not rooted in any form of sensibility so I cant suspend my thoughts of disbelief

Them making the rich people irredeemable monsters ruined any form of actual unique conversations you could have about class issues because one side is just… evil. (Which is weird because the comic literally makes the rich people not one dimensional?? How did they fuck that up)

basing the pilot around some baby they find is a horrible idea and doesn’t tell me anything about the characters because they’re all busy taking care of this character I don’t give a single shit about, but that might also be me not liking baby plots LMAO

the pacing was horrendous and reminded me of hazbin hotel ☠️,, and the swearing is another thing that was weird, everything in the show is making you think it’s a kids show, the art style and silliness of it yk… and then the character swore I was like oh ok then it’s trying to be edgy now… but I cant take it seriously as an adult cartoon man

AND ITS SO WEIRD ON HOW THEY FUCKED IT UP SO BADLY BECAUSE THE THESIS FILM WAS REALLY FUCKING GOOD??? It showed who the characters are it showed what the world was and it was silly and made sense whilst being silly!!! I feel like they wanted to treat the thesis film as the actual pilot and the pilot as an episode one or something??? I just don’t know how everything else that’s been out about ramshackle has been really fucking good and then the pilot drops and it’s mid at best

HOLY SHIT IM SUCH A YAPPER OK THAT IS ALL THIS IS JUST MY OPINION ON THE MATTER AND I HOPE THE PILOT GETS FUNDED I HAVE NO MALICE AGAINST THE CREATOR OR ANYTHING PLEASE DONT ASSUME THAT AHAJSHS

[elysiaheaven]

Hi! I was hoping you could recommend some songs for your Jiaoqiu fic. I wanted to make a playlist in Youtube. If you don't mind!

It was honestly one of the saddest fic I ever read. The entire beheading part was so uncomfortably well-written!

And the sewing part, absolutely was so dark yet sad. Y/n's backstory was so sad. Wanting to travel planets only to be give some-ass background story by some foxian god, who just ruined other lives because he was alone. Only to try to protect the village she really grew to care about to be turned into fucking statues because of a insecure god.

Overall, I honestly don't like female reader, especially the tragic ones. But, This one felt so real with the breakdowns. Really wanted to give a hug for her!

Also, Y/n's character was so beautifully scary. The recipe for Borisin chapter? and then when Jiaoqiu cooked her that. Her reactions were so yandere-scary. It was so thrilling tho! Chapter 1 spooked the hell out of me. I mean those statues descriptions! It was a dream. I was so glad...

Honestly, this y/n was so similar yet a new turn for me Honestly each description felt so real to read.... I def love how your Jiaoqiu version. It showed his serious side more than his playful one. The way you wrote for the few chapters of him being so uncomfortable felt like real..? I was kinda angry at her. But at the same time, Y/n notices them and slowly moves away. yet, only takes action if he starts it.

Moze was so cute in this book. Feixiao was so well too! You made sure to show contrast between Moze's care and Feixiao!

Moze always lurks in the shadows, So he was able to figure out about her being somewhat innocent. I was also glad you didn't show him as a love interest! I mean since y/n was Jiaoqiu's wife... It's a wife reader. So Thank you for that!

Feixiao tried to solve everything, yet kept an eye on you. Felt really happy that you showed how much she cares!

Yunli and Bailu were so cute with y/n!

Honestly, y/n's self deprivation was too relatable for me, I mean the way she cried and the breakdowns felt so real. Maybe I saw myself in this y/n so maybe that's why I didn't hate this one! The way Jiaoqiu/ everyone comforted her was just... Top tier.

The lines- something like- "You really are the goddess of betrayal! You betray your feelings to be useful/ trying to make others happy by giving yourself slowly.." This is entirely y/n's character.. I thought the love was gonna be so rushed, It didn't at all! You actually gave reasons on how he could have loved her before knowing how she was. Not those fics like, 'he only started to love her when he learned who she was'. He really started to care before itself. It was really....

Also Fuck Hoolay? He literally pulled a 'make you suffer down with me'

In all, Thank you! This fic was so wonderful......

Honestly thank you.

Thanking you,

Some person <3

seeing how you like- noticed a lot of things and took time to write such a... message makes me really happy.. The intent of the beheading part was the original ending.. I felt like it would make the fic so much bad and considering after 2.5 Jiaoqiu became such a comfort character for me.. Plus, this y/n grew on me!! I THINK I REALLY DID SOMETHING HUH? I MEAN YOU SAY YOU DONT LIKE FEMALE BUT MINE WAS GOOD?? YAY!!! The breakdowns was easily hard. Had to imagine a lot for those...

Chapter 1 is to scare off people from the fic, since they wont read my garbage.

Hehe the borisin one was to scare too! I really didnt like writing those but haha- my friend was crazy!

About the jiaoqiu version thanks for understanding! i thought ppl will say i made him wrong because he really seems like a serious guy when a threat comes up! thinking both ways. he can act out I loved working on Jiaoqiu’s development, too! I wanted to show how, even though he’s someone who struggles with his feelings, he starts caring for Y/n early on, without it feeling rushed or shallow. It’s not that sudden “I love you because I pity you” trope — his feelings are much deeper, rooted in respect and admiration that grow naturally over time. At least I hope I did!

SAME THOUGHTS THE REASON WHY I EVEN CHOSE HIM AS A SOFTER IN THIS IS BECAUSE OF THAT still he was cold but he didnt show his anger on her because he saw her crying. Feixiao was correct too! Shes a general and would def see if theres so many ways to save jiaoqiu from a spirit! I totally understand the frustration towards her self-deprivation. Writing that aspect of her, where she’s constantly trying to please everyone at her own expense, was painful but necessary to build her character. That line you mentioned, “You really are the goddess of betrayal…,” it was the reason even addressed her as the betrayal goddess I'm really sorry if it made you feel like understanding i get it it must be hard! but pls the entire message was not to sacrifice yourself you are you and theres ppl who love you! I really wanna thank for you this message...

Also yeah! you can make it as a playlist and send me a link once you post it! ill be happy to see...! im glad to see ppl like this...really worked my ass off

and for the songs pls dont be anonymous dm me ill answer u! heeheheh <3

[cali]

who is princess xixi...will you tell us more about princess xixi? I feel a profound affection for her

great invitation for me to babble thank u um

i dont hjave any set setting or hard ideas for her cuz i dont like having concrete details for something like an oc- it doesnt mesh well with my head- so i made myself one that changes constantly. also i wanted to be as self indulgent as i could and made her some type of rlly powerful thing that manifests as a little brat heiress that loves playing and animals. i dont think ill ever create any reasons for why she would exist in my head but i like whenever stories have some type of entity thats just a manifestation of an ultrabig concept that is enacting its will with this conduit body to spread its influence so maybe she could be that. but i dont think ican boil her down to one ideal to represent. i think she likes staring at stuff endlessly, thinking of animals, making animals with her mind and drooling. i think while she has the capability to understand a lot of stuff she doesnt care to and seems kind of naive. like a ditzy popstar personality but also could breathe a hole thru you!! my mary sue hihi ummm what else... in the footlicker comic my idea was that the entire top right and bottom left of the pic is moreso her true body thats putting itself into the places that she needs to be in to interact with the maid liek marionette strings and wooden cross its strung on, the pic where she gives someone a headache the idea was that if she doesnt keep herself contained/composed her concept goes into ur head and is reallyhard to handle like the most complicated thought ever. anecdotes. i like that "how did u make that sound with ur mouth" type stuff where someone audibly says an emoji or something so i think she can speak like dat, like talk a speech bubble that is a row of clay pigeons getting shot and if she says that to u its like u lived that experience as maybe the 5th pigeon in the row. could be dreadful but i think if u were like im a clay pigeon my destiny is to get shot then itd actually be fun. exhilarating even. i think it would be very exhausting to be around her unless u have insane mental. u need buddha mindset like tyler1 or the maid. i typed a lot sory hgehehe well thanks for asking that. i hope that didnt ruin any mysteries? wellwhatever then its an invitation for me to create better mysteries ontop of the old one

[humantargetss]

been awhile since ive posted so ive got a lot to get off my chest bear with me also how is everybody its been nearly a month since I've talked to like anybody on here so..!!

i dont think my parents know i hear literally everything they're talking about down the hall bc ill occasionally hear my mom say something about me to my dad out of the blue and its usually passive aggressive i guess. like for example i guess we're doing something at some point this week and I've told my parents i don't like when they spring plans on me all of a sudden, i don't really know why, it just kinda ruins my day bc most of the time i plan my day around doing things i like and then suddenly that's taken away from me to go do something i really hate so if I'm told like a week in advance i can better prepare i guess. but anyways my mom was like "make sure to tell him bc he'll get really mad at me if you don't" and idk now i just feel like a bad person for wanting to know I'm going to do things i don't want to do in advance and its really annoying bc i understand its not totally absurd that i want to know things I'm doing in advance and not learning the day we're doing it but me doing literally anything that someone else doesn't like feels bad. like i need to stop immediately so they like me. bc I'm so scared of people not liking me, especially my own family??

i know ive established this like soo so many times but i genuinely hate this planet and believe humans are a virus that is slowly killing the earth (and itself). which is probably why i am obsessed with this random globalist propaganda i get while scrolling. I'm pretty sure its for some fandom I'm not apart of but it gives me so much hope that maybe one day militaries wont exist and people wont kill each other to get access to land they can easily share peacefully. i don't know much about globalism as an idea other than being a world-wide government so I'm not going to say anything about it cause I'm really uneducated about it. but these propaganda videos are like so !!! most of them are space exploration based too, quotes like "we were born to inherit the stars" i just love it love it lvoe it!!

does anyone else feel like a terrible person when complaining about a problem when you know other people have it so much worse . oh suddenly my problem is magically fixed (its not ) but I'm fine now bc i realize my life could be a lot worse and idk i guess it gave me a new perspective. like maybe i shouldn't get so angry or sad when things don't go my way, especially if it isn't life-altering bc at the end of the day it probably doesn't matter and i am thankful for how my life has turned out so far

anyways ive come to the conclusion that i don't care if i go to heaven or hell because eternity in itself is torture. and why would finite beings with finite sins be sent to infinite torture or infinite luxury?

gus when life is meaningless because the universe is on a never-ending cycle of doing the big bang, heat death, and then big bang again, but then looking at some pictures of cows and some mountains and like proximal centauri b and suddenly life is worth living

i think parts of christianity are beautiful and i don't have a lot of trauma from Christianity (because i don't think you can count having everyone around you support genocides and thinking being gay is the same thing as murder as trauma) but like some Christians just ruin Christianity. we can have a whole talk about the bible and all the shitty things it says, or all the good things that most Christians conveniently ignore for some reason because they like capitalism and not giving their belongings to the poor, but i do think that generally Christianity in its nature is not bad but its been twisted to be really bad and most people practicing don't realize?? and then they try to justify the verses that literally condone slavery by claiming that slavery and the slavery the verse is talking about arent the same thing (wow its almost like slavery has looked different in different societies, that doesn't stop the fact its still slavery tho!!!) but i especially hate christians that think separation of church and state is stupid, think that because christians in other countries are being killed for being christians they think they personally (a 40 something white man from ohio) is also being persecuted (christians built, have run, and currently do run this country), or christians that genuinely cant handle the idea of other people not being Christian. "love this song but hate this lyric, hope she changes it" its a song about struggling with faith while being a lesbian the song isn't for you!! or christians that think that morality cant exist without religion. oh gee whiz i don't need an omniscient all-powerful god to tell me murder is bad for me to know that murder is bad.

anyways. sometimes i wish i wasnt born then i look up in the sky and see a comet and go "ooo pretty!!" and suddenly I'm ok. or ill literally be at the lowest point I've ever been and then i eat some cheez-its and take a nap and suddenly I'm fine. I've never encountered a problem where eating, taking a nap, showering, or going outside hasn't solved. not necessarily solved, but made me feel so much better when i wasn't doing great. i go outside for every rainbow, to look at every deer wandering in my yard, because earth is so cool!! and it makes me feel so much better to just sit and watch.

i cant stop thinking about how food is completely different on other planets. no potatoes. no tortillas. no burgers. no chicken. no corn. what the fuck!!!! what do these fictional animals eat! they will never know what a strawberry tastes like. is milk, and therefor dairy products, unique to earth? they will never experience sweet potato casserole!!

im done here, please leave me a detailed comment about how you are doing bc i hope your doing great I'm sleepy and I've been typing for a while and ill probably message you tomorrow night by

[musteladraconis]

alright thats it this is my rant about palworld because i need to just speak about it. if you disagree with anything i say or have an alternative perspective then ill be happy to read them but anyways.

this game makes me so incredibly upset and just. enraged. pure unbridled anger.

just want to clarify some things before i start:

1. im aware of just how dogshit nintendo treats pokemon fans like myself, giving us the worst framerates imaginable, pushing out shitty low quality games so that people stay interested or whatever their motive is and so on and so forth, you've heard it all before i dont need to go over all of it again.

2. im not against using ai for some things. it can even be really beneficial. however when you use ai to steal from other artists and use it to make creative work then its inexcusable and should never be used. no im not talking about animation programs that use ai for tweening or any ai that's used to help make an artists job a tiny bit easier or faster, im talking about generative ai that takes artists work without their knowledge and uses it to make money. so when i say ai in this post i am specifically talking about generative ai.

alright with that said lets get into why i absolutely hate this game.

feel free to correct me if im wrong throughout this post.

ive been looking into the company's background and as many people already know the founder promotes the use of ai and greatly enjoys it. but yknow what i also found out? its that he also hates new and creative ideas! and he promotes using ideas that already exist to make games.

(citing SomeOrdinaryGamers video on palworld)

oh yeah. yeah that's right. pocket pair is the company that made palworld! lemme show you what else they made

notice anything? no? alright let's try again.

how about now.

yeah. yeah this is breath of the wild and hollow knight!

and also. it's one thing to steal from nintendo, it's another to steal from indie game developers and FAKEMON ARTISTS.

YEAH. YEP! EVEN THE FAKEMON ARTISTS ARENT FREE!!

WEIRD 'COINCIDENCE' RIGHT???? THAT THEIR DESIGNS ARE 99% THE SAME???

SURELY THIS GUY MUST ENJOY HAVING SOME KIND OF ORIGINALITY RIGHT? RIGHT???

WRONG!

"IF THERE ARE GOOD IDEAS IN THE WORLD I PICK THEM UP AND I DONT NECESSARILY HAVE TO BE PARTICULAR ABOUT ORIGINALITY"

nintendo hasn't sued him yet. i dont know if its because they cant find a 1 to 1 rip off or some other reason like them not needing to worry about him but i hope some of you understand just how bad this is for artists jobs. while yes there would have had to be artists that modeled the models in game there is basically no creativity or originality here. 'but what about the idea of giving pokemon guns' you might say. sure, thats a cool idea i will say. i like the concepts but i despise the methods used to achieve this goal.

many other games that are similar in using monsters like pokemon have successfully made their own unique creatures and people have enjoyed those games.

shin megami tensei has its demons for example! including... including... sigh. the green dick on wheels. yeah you heard me. the green dick on wheels.

BUT wouldn't you rather that than a 1 to 1 ripoff of wooloo?

you could say that oh wooloos just a regular sheep which yeah i can accept that argument but there are so many more that you can look at where the similarities are just... Bad. the cobalion one for example (just look up cobalion palworld youll see what i mean).

and not just the megami tensei franchise either. mutahar also mentioned other games, like cassette beasts which looks really fun

and those are good designs! the game itself looks cool and fun to play. digimon also exists!

if nintendo ever does anything to the pokemon franchise that just absolutely ruins it more than anything else they've ever done then ill rethink my opinion about this game, but for now im mostly just upset about artists jobs being taken from them and artists original designs too. while nintendo can be so shitty to pokemon at times, there are artists behind pokemon designs that had their work and original ideas blatantly stolen.

i highly recommend checking this link out to support your favourite pokemons artists directly if theyre on the list.

to finish this rant off, i just want to say that originality is one of the most difficult things to achieve in video games. i get that, im an artist too and being original is extremely difficult because everythings been done at least once. but it doesn't excuse how closely these games are 'borrowing' incredible, iconic and ORIGINAL ideas from others and not just once but repeatedly.

[hemlocksandfoxgloves]

for @billylosemynumber 💕💕 (i dont know which account you want me to tag so im tagging your st acc)

You seem to really like these covers, but I still want to update them. In the meantime I hope all the other Harringrove lovers enjoy this, too.

For one of my all time favorite fics by one of my all time favorite fic authors and also one of my new-found friends! Love hearing from you and talking to you!

"Yourself or Someone Like You" by halfempty

Maxine looked happy as they parted from Steve and walked down Main Street away from the theater. She slid into the passenger seat of Billy’s car. 'That was really fun,' she said. She looked at him like a gremlin and then smiled real cutesy. 'Did you and Steve hold hands in the popcorn?' 'I hope you had a real good time, I’m going to kill you in your sleep tonight,' Billy told her.

I love this story with all of my heart. Billy is so true and in love with Steve. I love the fics where Billy has a crush on Steve even when he doesn't want to admit it. But every time Billy calls Steve 'baby' it hits the same way Steve feels. You can hear the love in his voice each and every time he calls him 'baby' because he doesnt do it often, only when in sentimental moments or when he's really trying to get his attention. The way Billy treats Steve in this makes me swoon so hard. The way Billy deals with homophobia and racism in this based on having his abusive dad is so very accurate. The internal homophobia, the acceptance and love he feels from being surrounded by the people that loves him. And him and Max are like 🤞. The sister-brother relationship in this is so amazing. Billy takes care of her when there's no one else around. This is a Harringrove fic but it's also centered on not just Billy but his relationships with everyone else. You get to see how everyone feels about Billy and how that changes as Billy changes himself. Because of love. Because Steve loves him and he's in love. It's a love story!

"Take Me Home Tonight" by halfempty

Steve wondered when he’d gotten so goddamn stupid. Probably the exact moment Billy had first kissed him; all the brain cells had flown right out of his ear. Billy Hargrove was definitely the worst thing that had ever happened to him, he decided.

Ah, Take Me Home Tonight. Can't read this fic without listening to it on repeat. Billy's happy in this!!!! That's all I can say!! He's HAPPY!!! Nobody ruin it for him. Please Steve, be nice to the baby, he needs you. He's got some rightful jealousy issues, (Steve's fault) but I think that gives the story a delicious taste. Just Billy and Steve are happy and in love and fuck Neil!!

The backstories, the descriptions, the story itself.

NOW GO READ IT!!!!!

[noxiatoxia]

also um i have no one to yell mentally ill things about kaoru with so if u would like another person to tell absolutely everything about the carriage allegory pls pls choose me i wanna talk about ouran with someone so bad

PLEASE. i always am accepting ouran asks. i love talking abt all aspects of this show it has ruined my life /pos. i especially do love talking about the twins tho cuz i have mental issues. you can always send me an ask abt some ouran idea u got or some fucked up thing or just send me a prompt and i can ramble about it like "hey what if kaoru went to disneyland what would happen" id give u a 3 page analysis on what exactly he would do at disney land (go to cinderella's castle)

i actually used to have an anon who would frequently send me asks about hikaru & kaoru and i MISS them i hope they're doing well........even if they dont send me ouran asks anymore i wanna hear from them again :( anon if you're out there give me a sign *single tear

BUT yes yes yes. i have actually had some Carriage thoughts which i need to make into it's own post (and theyre not rlly kaoru related so much as it is about the actual dreaded allegory itself) BUT i have also been thinking about how many cinderella replica dresses kaoru must own. he makes his own. based on every animated and live action movie iteration he's seen. just a whole closet. idk if he even wears them???

idk what else to say other than u can have this.

[scarletanpan]

.

I don't have anything else to say but the mindset of so many ppl taking nothing serious and not caring abt cancel culture or accountability or looking at history combined so perfectly with these last 8 yrs of increasingly open and vitriolic bigotry to the point where this shit fucking happened. And I saw it from miles away, I saw it get worse every year and still so many ppl either started to disengage or act like all these ppl are crazy and bad but its not that serious. They dk that the ppl who want to oppress us care a lot more than we dont. Elon musks million dollar giveaway was given the green light two days ago which I'm sure helped. As fucking illegal as that clearly should be this election was bought by rich ppl. Its like everyone forgot so many conservatives are rich ppl who wanna stay rich, and will pay to convince their supporters to do anything for them. I'm just so scared for palestine it's making me sick because that was my biggest fear they're fucking evil. Ill do what i can but how was this not more important to everyone else.. I'm so disturbed seeing my state have less than 30 out of 120+ districts blue... like oh. Wow. Everyone loves this fascist, thats genuinely insane

Do yall realize how hard we rubberbanded back into yt supremacy after obama got in office. So hard that it completely fucked up the political scene irreversibly, removed any type of decorum left and turned it into a cult of personality. Like one of the most important parts of change is handling all the conservative backlash that comes w it. We do not make progress in this country w/o strong opposition from the status quo, but when everyone acts like nothing matters anyway it's impossible. I'm so serious just the reaction to cancel culture by itself basically amplified and was applied to every single aspect of society for most ppl. That is maybe the scariest result bc we just watched them plan and admit to doing some of the most horrific things time and time again with no consequences. Saying how they'll make all marginalized ppls lives miserable and destroy the election process and idk

It's just insane there's too much to how this all played out but the point is im sad and frustrated asf. If Elon musk dropped dead 4 fucking yrs ago there's at least a smaller chance this would've ever occurred. I don't feel safe going anywhere rn bc this whole week there's trump supporters on every block. Seriously.. but the important part is to not make like so many ppl not affected deeply by marginalization and fucking give up. It's just depressing asf feeling like wow yall rlly hate poc. And queer ppl. And disabled ppl. Or thought bigotry was solved bc u see representation a little more and stopped caring abt the deeply systemic issues still affecting us everyday. But whatever, im just prepping myself mentally knowing things will be going downhill for a while.. I doubt it but I hope some ppl have a fucking wake up call and rlly start caring more. Fr like the only way I can cope w this is doing more research so I feel less insane abt all of it, and spreading awareness which I rlly need to I'm j so mentally behind rn

And so frustrating too the way the US is such a corrupt imperialist country that this result affects everybody else. But ppl barely understand the politics in this country much less care abt all the other ppl this parasite of a collection of states ruins. It sucks to live w this but it is a privilege to have the right to vote and change things. Like I get why ppl get so fucking annoyed w Americans bc being this ignorant and complacent in fascism is pathetic. Knowledge and history has never been more imperative than right now

[kawa-kir]

"Man, i hope this one goes well." Otto thought, walking to the other side of town, a small 4 stars local restaurant awaits him. His fourth date with Emily should be one to remember.

"Phone, keys, perfume, gift... gift... Oh crap, crap crap Crap!" He stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, a mistake that made his heart pound like a brick, his present was forgotten at home.

"Its ok... calm down... where is the nearest flower shop? No, that was the second date's gift, she'll think im cheap and clichê... maybe sweets? No, she was at the gym last week, dont wanna make her lose progress... think, think, thi- hm?"

His eyes caught a glympse of the old antique store, small jewelry, cute old things...

"maybe " He pondered " they might have something not too expensive. Old stuff is cheap, no?"

A small iron bell rang as the doors opened, the smell of mold and dust was almost as strong as his determination. An old man walked from the back, overweight, walking heavily with his hands covered in dark smudges, probably oil, cleaning with a piece of cloth over them, and a face kind and wrinkly as a grandpa.

"Good Evenin' lad," He grinned, showing a broken tooth " almost closin' for the night so ya got here in good time, how may i help you?" He sat at his little stool.

"Hi sir, um, im looking for a gift?, something not too expensive ya know? Its for a date but im kinda short on money."

"Looking to impress them, yeah? I think i got something for you, what do they like?" The old man said, that nice smile that they give when they see youths in love.

"Well.. um... she likes sports, Soccer, Tennis, and also pop music, Giovan & Mark, you know? Lets see... oh, and roses, red roses, just like her hair..." Otto smilled as her face came to mind.

"Alright champ, i'll get back in a moment, look around if ya want..." he said, disapearing behind the shadows cast by the door, leaving behind the sounds of potery clinking and metal rustling.

The store itself had quite a few things, earings with rubies red as blood and colars adorned with golden chains, how was this old dude living like this with such pretty things on for sale? They all look like if someone broke into the Feitt's vaults or something...

"Oi! Little lad!" The old man returned " Got this box of things me age, hehe! Come take a look!" He brought a large wooden box and sat it in the counter.

As the lid was pulled, the shimering could be seen, even in the dim shine of the broken lightpole.

He pulled a few jewels and trinkets from it, small pretty rocks, earings, some baubles... and a ring.

"How much for this one?" Otto asked whilst examining it, a small golden ring with a tiny ruby carved as a rose, petals so detailed they looked as if written on...

"That one? For you, its free!" he spoke with that smile and a chuckle, another tooth lacking in his jaw. "But you gotta promise me one thing."

"Sure" Otto Shrugged "This is already a steal!" They both laugh.

"Well kid, you remind me a little of meself when i was your age, so here is the deal: dont get it wet, it'll ruin the color, and most importantly, dont let the rose fall off, okay?"

"Sounds easy enough" Otto said with a relieved smile, extending his hand "its a deal."

"Atta boy" The old man shook his hand, covered in sticky oil and one finger missing.

With a ring in his pocket and a smile on his face, Otto rushed from the little antique store with a heartfelt goodbye.