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gour banner...

i forgot i put that there 😟

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i hate arizona (context im in arizona)

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i decided to watch scream and scream 2 before going to sleep (i have to wake up at 6 am) and now I'm watching beetlejuice beetlejuice to forget that i watched scream and scream 2 before going to sleep

also i found this future sci-fi show called the expanse, no idea what its about, but so much of it so far takes place on Ceres which is really cool i want to live on Ceres!! (not really it'd probably suck) but this shows plot is like really hard to follow I'm just watching it because humans went to mars and the gas giants' moons and i think that's cool idk.k goodnight

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out of all the outcomes we ended up in this timeline?? i was honestly hoping i would wake up and it would fix itself but it just got worse actually

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cant take the suspense bc the website I'm using to see vote counts stopped loading and it only gives harris a 55% chance of winning

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i hate math why cant i just learn history all day

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made another oc nobody will know about because i cant write, writing is scary and time-consuming, I'm bad at coming up with scenarios and planning out storylines and making sure the oc has a distinct personality from the other characters :3 (i am devastated)

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my parents put up a trump vance sign in our yard and my dog keeps growling at it :3

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i love when people mix fandoms that have nothing to do with each other, or fandoms with real events that have nothing to do with the fandom. i keep stumbling across marauders at the olympics fanart and i cant look away. they have nothing to do with each other but i love it

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been awhile since ive posted so ive got a lot to get off my chest bear with me also how is everybody its been nearly a month since I've talked to like anybody on here so..!!

i dont think my parents know i hear literally everything they're talking about down the hall bc ill occasionally hear my mom say something about me to my dad out of the blue and its usually passive aggressive i guess. like for example i guess we're doing something at some point this week and I've told my parents i don't like when they spring plans on me all of a sudden, i don't really know why, it just kinda ruins my day bc most of the time i plan my day around doing things i like and then suddenly that's taken away from me to go do something i really hate so if I'm told like a week in advance i can better prepare i guess. but anyways my mom was like "make sure to tell him bc he'll get really mad at me if you don't" and idk now i just feel like a bad person for wanting to know I'm going to do things i don't want to do in advance and its really annoying bc i understand its not totally absurd that i want to know things I'm doing in advance and not learning the day we're doing it but me doing literally anything that someone else doesn't like feels bad. like i need to stop immediately so they like me. bc I'm so scared of people not liking me, especially my own family??

i know ive established this like soo so many times but i genuinely hate this planet and believe humans are a virus that is slowly killing the earth (and itself). which is probably why i am obsessed with this random globalist propaganda i get while scrolling. I'm pretty sure its for some fandom I'm not apart of but it gives me so much hope that maybe one day militaries wont exist and people wont kill each other to get access to land they can easily share peacefully. i don't know much about globalism as an idea other than being a world-wide government so I'm not going to say anything about it cause I'm really uneducated about it. but these propaganda videos are like so !!! most of them are space exploration based too, quotes like "we were born to inherit the stars" i just love it love it lvoe it!!

does anyone else feel like a terrible person when complaining about a problem when you know other people have it so much worse . oh suddenly my problem is magically fixed (its not ) but I'm fine now bc i realize my life could be a lot worse and idk i guess it gave me a new perspective. like maybe i shouldn't get so angry or sad when things don't go my way, especially if it isn't life-altering bc at the end of the day it probably doesn't matter and i am thankful for how my life has turned out so far

anyways ive come to the conclusion that i don't care if i go to heaven or hell because eternity in itself is torture. and why would finite beings with finite sins be sent to infinite torture or infinite luxury?

gus when life is meaningless because the universe is on a never-ending cycle of doing the big bang, heat death, and then big bang again, but then looking at some pictures of cows and some mountains and like proximal centauri b and suddenly life is worth living

i think parts of christianity are beautiful and i don't have a lot of trauma from Christianity (because i don't think you can count having everyone around you support genocides and thinking being gay is the same thing as murder as trauma) but like some Christians just ruin Christianity. we can have a whole talk about the bible and all the shitty things it says, or all the good things that most Christians conveniently ignore for some reason because they like capitalism and not giving their belongings to the poor, but i do think that generally Christianity in its nature is not bad but its been twisted to be really bad and most people practicing don't realize?? and then they try to justify the verses that literally condone slavery by claiming that slavery and the slavery the verse is talking about arent the same thing (wow its almost like slavery has looked different in different societies, that doesn't stop the fact its still slavery tho!!!) but i especially hate christians that think separation of church and state is stupid, think that because christians in other countries are being killed for being christians they think they personally (a 40 something white man from ohio) is also being persecuted (christians built, have run, and currently do run this country), or christians that genuinely cant handle the idea of other people not being Christian. "love this song but hate this lyric, hope she changes it" its a song about struggling with faith while being a lesbian the song isn't for you!! or christians that think that morality cant exist without religion. oh gee whiz i don't need an omniscient all-powerful god to tell me murder is bad for me to know that murder is bad.

anyways. sometimes i wish i wasnt born then i look up in the sky and see a comet and go "ooo pretty!!" and suddenly I'm ok. or ill literally be at the lowest point I've ever been and then i eat some cheez-its and take a nap and suddenly I'm fine. I've never encountered a problem where eating, taking a nap, showering, or going outside hasn't solved. not necessarily solved, but made me feel so much better when i wasn't doing great. i go outside for every rainbow, to look at every deer wandering in my yard, because earth is so cool!! and it makes me feel so much better to just sit and watch.

i cant stop thinking about how food is completely different on other planets. no potatoes. no tortillas. no burgers. no chicken. no corn. what the fuck!!!! what do these fictional animals eat! they will never know what a strawberry tastes like. is milk, and therefor dairy products, unique to earth? they will never experience sweet potato casserole!!

im done here, please leave me a detailed comment about how you are doing bc i hope your doing great I'm sleepy and I've been typing for a while and ill probably message you tomorrow night by

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did september 30th happen i thought yesterday was the 29th and its the 1st today im confused.

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heh

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weird but i just told my brother i loved him for the first time today and idk why but i always knew that i loved him obviously but it just feels weird to tell your brother "i love you" but idk maybe that's just how i grew up or smth?? idk i miss him a lot and i regret being annoyed with him when he left .

also random but one of his roommates is racist and (idk why my brother has this) but he gets mad at my brother's abe lincoln sticker and its so funny, especially since the sticker is like a picture of abe lincoln with sunglasses on and its like ok idk why my brother has this but if it makes a racist mad then wtv 😭

ok goodnight

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what is agatha all along and why does it have like three actors i like in it its just begging me to watch it but i have no idea what its about and i don't want to be jumpscared.!

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"what does fetus mean in latin? it means little human being 😃"

does he know that latin and english arent the same language! someone check up on him

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why did i just saw a picture of a plane going into the wtc on tumblr dot com i did not need to see that thanks

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WHY DOES MY NANA TEXT LIKE THAT 😭😭 SHE JSUT CALLED ME BABE??? U R MT GRANDMA