#DONT SAY ITS NOT BIGGIE BECAUSE IT IS

[miss--river]

ok i know this is played off kinda light hearted because of how vash has his mouth stuffed with pancakes and he's laughing but like... this part feels like my heart is being ripped out! everything is so nice and then they pull out their guns like 'im sorry but please die' and he just says 'no biggie' ?????????

its understandable that they want the bounty because they need it for the town BUT MY HEART!!!!!!!!!!!

[muckyschmuck]

ultimately!

[its-no-biggie]

hey guys who was gonna tell me that bocchi the rock contained the single most autistic scene in anime history

[beancalzone]

.

[misayani]

Thanos smut hcs? LOL TYYY🩷

— THANOS SMUT HCS

◜ featuring ... thanos (choi su-bong  / player 230)

𔗨 author's note — mmmh first male x fem reader on my blog. probably the most lewd ive written so far AND -!!!! i just realized that my anonymous asks werent on until someone pointed it out, so theres that.. i turned it on!! [lowercase intended]

warning: smut & slight angst [it's thanos, expect the worst]

- bondage..... whew starting off strong !!

- literally doesnt give two shits. he would use zip ties to tie your wrists for all he cares. 

- his apartment is nasty as fuck

- dont even get me started on the fucked up couch he has in his apartment with disgusting stains that are probably permanent at this point 

- spits in your mouth mid fucking

- would sometimes spit the ecstasy pill from his mouth to yours 

- cigarettes after sex? nah, cigarettes during sex.

- and to you, it makes the experience even better

- the thing is, when you're high, you won't give a fuck about anything that's happening around you

- public sex !! he's the type to shamelessly fuck inside clubs

- would blow the smoke directly onto your face as you cough

- loooves to cum on your face. not on your stomach, not inside, not anywhere else but your face.

- he loves it messy and dirty. he feels pride just from seeing you in front of him kneeled down and face covered with his cum

- degrading.

- you will NEVER hear even a single praise come out from this man's mouth. even after you give him the best head he's ever had

- angry sex, mostly caused by you getting hit on by someone else and just thanos being possessive 

- its no biggie though, he's just giving you a small reminder who you belong to <33

- man's a sadist. he would just laugh at you for crying because of overstimulation

- your safe word won't work on him the first time you say it. second time, he'll act deaf and will continue pounding into you. although when he sees that you're clearly in distress, he'll make considerations and will pull out and make you suck him off instead

- if you're being too hard headed and bratty during sex, 100% he'll slap you across the face hard so you'd finally get your shit together

- doesn't care whether you get yourself off or not. all that matters to him is that he gets to cum and thats it.

- im sorry but he knows nothing about aftercare

- he would just stub his cigarette, throw it somewhere, and fall straight to sleep

- you'd stare at his sleeping figure blankly with no thoughts inside your head

- but you felt empty and lonely. not realizing yet that such a small pill can change someone's way of acting.

- you truly deserve better.

thanos' breathing slowed, deepening into his sleep. you lay beside him, body still tingling from the overwhelming sensations he gave you just earlier. silence swallows you, leaving you staring blankly at his peaceful face.

it's strange—the way your chest feels so hollow, an ache you couldn't quite place, like you'd expect for something that was never going to come. he'd been so alive just moments ago, what the hell happened? now he is gone, lost into unconsciousness, leaving you alone in the weight of aftermath.

@misayani

[gamblersdoll]

𝓳𝓾𝓼𝓽 𝓫𝓪𝓻𝓮𝓵𝔂!- 2

the words with the question stuck out more than anything. ‘are you in a relationship?’ rung through his head for weeks at a time. he could have just said no, but then, couldnt it be disrespectful to you?

shit, now he sounds delusional since you aren’t dating him.

he sat in his office most of the day, just pondering on the question and the fact that he couldnt even respond right. he also fucked himself bad when he clicks on your ‘Instagram’ and sees you in your pretty bikini top.

only just the fact you had your arm around some other man, who just so happened to be a classmate. no biggie right? couldnt be.

yet, he kept staring at you. he stares at the birthmark right on your sternum, the small birth mark in your arm and throat. he’s seen them before, but its so much different now.

shit, he was off the deep end for you. and the whole thought process of how youre only a little bit younger than him, and the scandal he could put you in since you were in a mentorship with him. he needs to save people, he wants to. yet, he’s debating on if they mean that much like you.

he also hated how hot it can get in japan, weather sitting at a ninety nine degree temperature at night. both you and him were patrolling since tokoyami was underage and couldnt be out.

thank god that he brought water though, the good kind at that.

“so uh, how was the beach, little one?” hawks mindlessly asked, looking around while you did the same.

“it was fine, it was just somewhat crowded and hot. i dont even know why i went.” you say, you reminded everyone that depending on what temperature it was outside, you could go. heat wasnt one, you hated it.

“ah, well, it is a beach.” he replied back, gathering himself back next to you. “any fun this weekend?”

“i dont know yet. probably not.” you say, shrugging it off and walking beside him. the cool breeze goes through your hair, you sighing in relief that you could at least feel it through your clothes as well.

shit, she’s free this weekend? he thought to himself, ever so occasionally side eyeing you to see if you were looking at him, were you looking at him? no. damnit.

his hands get sweaty in his gloves, him feeling like some highschool kid in love with the popular pretty girl who just so happened to give him a chance. he clears his throat and looks away from you to see anything else.

fuck, you were actually shorter than him, so you were actually a little one… which only turns him on more. he wasnt a big build, but he was still somewhat bigger than you.

“you wanna.. grab something to eat?” he asked, pointing to the ramen shop up the street and smiled. “its on me this time since you basically saved my ass yesterday.”

but you practically saved him in general.

“yeah, sure!” you say, cheerful that they’ll have so much air conditioning inside the shop. plus, youre craving a good ramen.

he also gathers that you do a little ‘happy dance’ when you finally get food. you wiggle side to side in your seat, a relaxed sigh in your throat and, your mood increases. do you even know you do this? probably not. shit, you probably do, you do this just so he can say something about you.

the fuck is wrong with me? he questions that daily, and he can only think about that one question until your body spray wafts into his nose, causing a dopamine rush to his brain and he has to stop himself from his eyes rolling back into his head.

fuck, was he some damn addict?

there’s hints of some fruit, he doesnt get what though. he also smells coconut and now hes only curious, pausing on eating his food. hes gotta know what it is, he had to. he cant just ask you because thatll seem weird. it seem creepy for your mentor asking what body spray you use.

was he actually going to find a time to sneak in and find out for himself later?

[eekykins]

dont go into my posts saying the character saying "my man" "my boyfriend" "mine" or something, you can do that on your own posts. you and i dont own them, so dont go into other peoples spaces to claim them over the ORIGINAL POSTER. i used to have people do this to me then get upset when i tell them to stop because its just rude. do it on your own posts or people who allow that. not mine. this isn't your space. its mine. this is for your comfort and mine.

you can not wanna share, thats fine. no biggie. doesnt hurt anyone. but dont purposefully go to other people who like the same character, especially art of their ship, and try to lay claim to the character on their posts when they dont want you to??? thats???? weird??????? go away? have some respect

if i see anyone doing that, even to other people (no matter the selfship) im instantly blocking them because thats just messed up man

respect peoples boundaries if you want people to respect yours

i dont even selfship i make ocs but this still applies

[outofinitiative]

every time i get really interested in a movie, i do this obsessive thing where i watch youtube reactions to the movie

i almost always have thoughts but most of the time i just talk them out into the empty air but there was some common stuff this time so here this is for probably no one but me:

reactions to turning red reactions

the quotes are all obviously paraphrased and when i say i watched a sHIT TON of reaction videos, i'm not kidding so if it sounds like im only targeting one person im not. most of these reactions are from multiple videos and im very much aware that most of the people reacting on youtube are coming from different experiences than me so it's really no biggie.

(also u should know im korean american so when i talk about asian experiences im not speaking on something i dont know. its obviously not a one-to-one with her story (even if i was chinese it wouldn't be cause everybody is different) but many asian and immigrant parents and families share similar experiences. it's why seeing stories that might be even just adjacent to yourself is so important)

- "oh god, why is her mother doing that? she's crazy. she's a stalker" (at the mother arriving at school with the pads): okay, so i will say: this is way past the point that my own mother would do (and i'd say my mom has quite a bit more social tact) but showing up at school? helicoptering? very familiar feeling to me.

story time! during my high school years, i was in the tennis team. (varsity captain actually heheh) but i was also struggling with anemia at the time. so after one particular scare my freshman year, my mother was reminiscent of ming: candy bars, water, towel-anything i needed as soon as i needed it all of the time. she became team mom, not because she was particularly dedicated to the sport or my success but because she was worried about me fainting again, throwing up again, or having to go to the hospital again and her not being there this time.

so, obviously not as mortifying or intense as ming, but it's not exactly unbelievable, just exaggerated.

- "why are they acting like that about 4-town?": *nervously looks over to my deep rooted history with fangirling* so... how do i really...

- "why do they keep hammering that she thinks she's an adult or that she thinks she's gonna become a woman?? she's 13!": that's,,, kind of the point? like was there never a time in your tween/teen life where you were like iM AN ADULT AND MATURE AND I KNOW WHAT IM DOING or was that just me? it's short-sided and inaccurate for us now obviously but that's because we are watching as people who are past that age, but it's similar to the thing with middle school or high school where you think that's your entire life, that everything is banking on how you are and how you feel right now even though years down the line you don't think about it at all.

- "what's up with the dad? just speak up": so,,, this might just be me projecting again with my own experiences of having a quiet and/or absent father, but in this dynamic, it's not really his place. ming has taken control, become the matriarch and it is she that has domains, moves, and opinions on what happens with mei mei.

is it a bit neurotic and in this case slightly detrimental? yes.

is it wholesale inaccurate? no.

- "what's wrong with you, mei mei? stand up for your friends!": i'm gonna start this again with obviously it's fucked up. like you should be able to defend your friends, the ones that actually provide solace and comfort to you at this age. but also that does on some level erase the reality of what this character is. we learned early on that above all else she follows her mother, deeply values the image of who she should be to her family to the point of unable to stand up for herself, take responsibility for what she has done, set boundaries and separate herself from the expectations of her family, and very specifically, her mother.

(for example, with the daisy mart incident, one person might have confronted their mother saying, "it's not my fault i have a crush on devon and it was crossing a line to not only pry into my business but also confront him even when i said i didn't want that to happen and i'm really upset that you did so" but mei mei goes directly to attributing it privately to her own self-control and follies since she knows devon is not to blame the way her mother thinks.)

as messed up as it might be to abandon her friends, it is keeping in line with who she is up to this point. she is spunky and outgoing when she is separate from her family and their obligations, but when she is in these structures and places, she has always up to this point fallen in line.

(she already has abandoned her friends in one way at this point, actually. the first evening, we learn that her mom thinks miriam is odd and that she might disapprove of her. mei mei makes no real move to defend her friend.)

mei mei views her mother as an unmovable object. she may be unstoppable at school or with her friends, but it is not until the end that mei even attempts to really push against the supposed rigidness of her mother and the generational patterns that lay in her way. (honestly, i might speak about this more later but there is a bit also here about how her mother views her and how that affects her own view of herself)

- "why did all of the aunties and grandma and her mom just get to walk through when it was so hard for mei?": i mean one logic that was brought up in the video was that meilin kept on using it over and over, but like everyone else also already banished their spirits. these spirits technically already belong to the astral plane. although they were able to utilize it for a little bit, they all successfully already had their initial ceremonies. they already made choices. even with the loophole of being able to use it in crisis by breaking the artifact that holds it, i doubt that any of them (other than mei obviously), would even really be able to maintain a level of control over it at this point. they have separated themselves from that part of themselves and even if it is a part of their blood, it's not one that they are thoroughly in sync with anymore. the separations for them is how it should be. and what they decided for themselves.

[theflowergothic]

Heklo its Shrimp anon I know its been awhile and i am SORRY but i am BACK

So Lets talk about isolation, specifically the lack of other influences in Max's life, this is sometthing i realised lately that Max doesnt really have friends, You look at the people he interacts with and its like, his team, the redline people, his family, Kelly's family and other drivers

Now, on their own thats fine, but if you only interact with those people, and from what i can tell, only people like that for AWHILE, Jos seemed to keep him busy, and busy=Isolated from people his age and with people who could and WOULD intervene with the very clear abuse that was going on, it does seem like he missed a lot of school as a kid and Teachers are usually the people who step in in these types of situations (them being the first to notice my self harm and suicidal tendencies)

Anyways, my point sort of is that Max has been surrounded by people who either CANT, or WONT intervene for various reasons I will explain later, and because he's been SO ISOLATED for SO LONG, he wont be the one to break out of it and get any kind of positive influence

Ok let me break down the many people in his life and the various reasons that they wont say anything, let me prefice by saying that there are some people in this who i do not blame for not doing anything and others that i DEFINITELY do,

HIS TEAM: Alright, this one's a biggie, for the people higher up in the team, Christain/Helmut etc, I do think theres a bit of keeping max Obidient, if he is used to this sort of toxic behavior and doesn't get OUT of it, they can keep using this sort of toxic behavior and the cycle repeats,

for people lower in the team, Mechanics etc, i do think its a bit about their job, a lot of h to em probably enjoy or at least appreciate what they do and with how toxic redbull is, they probably dont want to rock the boat and risk their careers, I blame them a bit but not that much

REDLINE PEOPLE: Honestly I dont trust them, yall heard the Abuse jokes they make so Casually and sometimes I wonder if they see Max as a cash cow and a way to get them more money and exposure, NOW i do jot know ANY of the redline lore so if someone could explain that would be very helpful

HIS FAMILY: Not a lot to say on this, Jos is an asshole and an abuser but Max is clearly Very, very codependent on him, which is one of the reasons that i think Sophie and Victoria wont really say anything, Max will go with his dad in the inevitable split and fallout that happens, Also Max most likely won't trust Sophie because, AND IM NOT CALLING HER A BAD PERSON FOR THIS, she did kind of abandon him, obviously she was in an incredibly hard position and noone can know what thats like unless we experience it for ourselfves but I would bet that Max has Abandonment issues from that

KELLYS FAMILY: Not even gonna say anyhting, yall know

And finally, THE OTHER DRIVERS: Ok first of all, most professional sports involve some sort of toxic relationships, hero worship and money and yadda yadda yadda, for some of these people tthis might just seem normal. some of them are obviously not that close to him as to notice anything amiss, Also i do think it has something to do with saving their reputation, say what you will about Kelly but she has her Cult and i think that the drivers who KNOW whats happening are also aware of the fact

Honestly i just feel so bad for Max, i sincerely hope that he gets out of this but as i dive more into it it just kind of seems hopeless, he seems to have resigned himself to it, Sometimes i wonder if he's depressed or something, i know that if i was in a situation like that i would have killed myself

I mean, if he does try i cant say i would be surprised

OK THAT GOT LONNNNGGGGG SOORYYY

love youuu- Shrimp

Welcome back, shrimp anon!

Thanks for this very detailed (and probably spot-on) look at Max and the dynamics of those around him!

Can... can I reference this in the exposé? DM me.

[schlattslonghairytoes]

chapter seven

talias pov

 iMessage!

kombucha girl🇨🇮

talia romano. why do i have jonathan schlatt in my dms.

he told me u passed out?!?

please tell me youre okay.

hey brit.

oh goodness gracious this better be good.

hows the weather at home, any good?

you think youre funny huh?

youre not.

im fine

ok your texting like a 21 year old man.

ft me right now

incoming Facetime

her words barely register when she speaks that fast. "repeat please im so hungover" she rolls her eyes and keeps talking.

"talia, you know i love you, like more then youll ever know, but please dont leave me in the dark about these things, what happened last night". she finishs her thought  while placing her phone down on our counter and staring at me like i killed her dad. 

"okay. i drank to much last night, and maybe smoked a bit too much and then i passed out, theres not much to it brit." she blinked before continuing.

"that all adds up but why is schlatt the one telling me this." and that question stumped me. 

"ill be honest here. im not sure." and then she moved on.

"okay whatever im done with this convo, next topic! last night i got banned on tikok live because i tagged jason nash 30,000 times.". the Facetime lasted for another 2 hours before britney had to go film. 

i got up and began my day, and waddled my way downstairs to the kitchen to find, tyler playing with a cat, ted laying face down on the couch, maddie sitting on his butt, and finally charlie solving a rubiks cube.

"ok so i have alot of questions". i started to the group. "i dont fucking understand this thing, how does schlatt do this?!" charlie questions while looking at me. 

"ok that answers that question, ted and maddie, do i wanna know?" "my back hurts" ted muffled out. "doesnt... yknow, im done, ty have fun with your cat im getting breakfast." i say while grabbing my keys and getting in the car.

 iMessage!

big booty gamers💰💰

charles chaplin

hey Talia i hear your getting breakfast 

i never said that.

theodore roosevelt

but i did...

oh fuck off

moppy sloppy

can u pick up my starbucks? ❤️❤️

theodore roosevelt

and can u get me a bacon egg and cheese 

🙄🙄🙄

what else do u fatties want

charles chaplin

waffles with nutella??

mr i shit my pants🪩

hashbrownsssssss

schlatt u want anything since aparently im doordash

jshit

nah

ur not gonna eat?

jshit

ill get my own food

im already going out its no biggie 

jshit

lay off alright

ill deal with it myself.

ok im just gonna ignore the attitude. 

be back in 45 with yalls food!

theodore roosevelt

thank u taliaaaaaa

also chat we have to film a vid later

everything is set up just be camera readyyyy

real life!

talias pov

as i return from my treacherous journey of getting everyone food i walk through the door and set all the food down on the table. "FOODS HERE!" and a stampeed of hungry 20 year olds fly down the stairs for their food and immediately start eating like they've never seen food before.

i look around and see schlatt isnt here "wheres jay?" i ask the homosapiens. "i think he went to get food." ugh well i did offer, hes definitely in a mood, whatever he'll move on. "ok what are we filming tonight because i wanted to film something for my channel if i dont have to be in it." i tell ted.

"well i think we were going to film a laugh you lose but you can steal one or two people for your video if u need to." ted says with food in his mouth.

"ohh what are you filming i wanna be in it!" hansum says, also with a mouth full of food. "wow you guys need to learn to chew with your mouths closed. anyways, i was going to film either a roblox video or a blind deaf mute baking challenge but im not sure yet."

the front door creeks open as tyler and charlies hands fly up in sync. "me i wanna!" "wait no i wanna be in it" i roll my eyes and laugh "you can both be in it"

"you can both be in what," schlatt says in the most monotonous voice. "were filming a video tonight for the lunch club but talia is also filming a vid-" 

"ill be in the lunch club one." schlatt nods at ted, without looking at me. like actively avoiding me and my general area. "okay charlie, tyler, you guys film for lunch club and we can film mine after, that sound good to everyone?" a series of yes's fill the room and i go lay on the couch, before turning on the tv to the episode of modern family i was watching.

until jonathan schlatt comes and takes the remote, and turns off the fucking tv. "what the fuck is your problem schlatt?" i stand up and rip the remote back from his hands. "its too fucking loud" "and that means turning it off, why not just ask me to lower it." i say trying to keep my composer. "you're just fucking annoying me talia". 

"and youre a fucking child jonathan." and with that i walk to my room and slam the door.

real life!

schlatts pov

god, what the hell is wrong with me? her little "i love you" last night raised every red flag in my head and now everything in me is telling me to drink, run, scream, and be a huge fucking  dick to her. the worst part, she doesn't remember it, nor did she mean it.

"yo what the fuck was that schlatt?" ted walks up to me, clearly he had overheard all of that, but with how hard talia slammed her door, it was hard not to question what i said.

"what did you say to her?" charlie adds with a tone i don't appreciate.

"guys lay the fuck off okay? it's none of your business what i said." i snark at ted.

"listen dickhead, you dont get to speak to us that way, your one of my best friends but that doesn't give you free liberty to be a jackass, so fuck off and go apologise to talia." ted smacks me over the back of the head before returning to go eat his bacon egg and cheese.

i stand there in disbelief for a moment, i really didnt think ted would do that, ill be honest. but now its making me feel even more like a dick. i do have to apologize to her, fuckkkkk. i stomp my way upstairs to her door and knock twice

"housekeeping?" i say in a high voice.

the door opens slowly and i see her standing there, eyes puffy and slightly red yet full of tears, lips plump, and a red hoodie engulfing her whole body, a hoodie i recognize as my own from high school. "why are you such a dick." she says voice hoarse, wobbly. and for a second i feel my heart crack in two.

"im so sorry talia, i am such a dick, youre right, and its not fair. at all, i just miss you so much, and i feel like we will never have what we did back, and thats all i want. please can we just watch 21 jump street together? like old times? but i understand if thats not in the cards right now i can give you space if-" i rush out before my words get caught off by her arms flinging around my waist. she pulls me in her room and shuts the door and throws me the remote.

"only if we recite all the lines together." she smiles up at me before jumping on her bed.

"what the fuck are you guys supposed to be?" my friend at the time, Alex, asks." alex watch out schlatty over here is in a pissy mood, were Schmidt and Jenko from 21 jump street!" talia jumps in before running over to her friends. "yo have you hit that yet, shes hot as fuck" alex slaps me on the back. "shut the fuck up" i roll my eyes and grab a drink. 

"im serious bro, if ur not into her like that imma have to slide in, cause damn bro. did you hear she gave David a bj! lucky guy right there." oh fuck no.

"listen bro, youre not her type number one, and number two dont fucking talk about her like that, and three she didnt touch david. so stop spreading shit." i feel my jaw clench when he smiles at me

"god youre so in love with her."

[burnyouwithacigarettelighter]

Omg I’m so happy you replied!! I definitely have more questions.

1. What Cillian character do you like writing about the most and why?

2. What story from your master list are you most proud of?

3. Do you personally have any fic recommendations/ must reads? Other sites included.

4. What gets you inspired to write? Following that question have you ever abandoned a fic?

5. What do you think made you a better writer? If you have any doubts about your work, how do you get past it enough to continue?

6. Is there a Cillian character that you just don’t like, or aren’t interested in watching/ writing about? (Sorry if that’s a loaded question)

omg thank u so much for this!!! i srsly love interacting w u guys, tysm for the thought provoking questions😄🙌

i think i like writing most about robert fischer:) ik it probably doesnt translate considering ive written most for jonathan crane but robert fischer is just such a little sweetheart to me,,, and can go both ways in being a sassy dom douchebag or being a sobbing daddy issues sub darling LOLLL i just think he has a lot of duality to delve into and develop (which ive definitely not done so far☠️) and it helps that his characterization in inception was also very surface level— i have a lot of wiggle room y’know??

i think im most proud of “dine & dash” which im aware probably no-one has read, but getting chris o’doyle’s sassy little dialogue down was like taming a wild beast,,, otherwise, considering my more well-known work, i rly liked writing “honey, i’m home”. i go crazy for the unhinged readers (if u couldnt alrdy tell lmaooo) and seeing jackson get messed with like that was a real treat.

i seriously just recommend anything by @mypoisonedvine,,, they’re literally genius & are the reason i started writing for cillian:)!! other mentions include kitten fics by @pictureinme and, a personal fave, @floralcyanidee’s jackson rippner mile-high club fic!!! these writers are all incredibly talented and im just blown away at their work every single time🫶

my thirst is such a big motivator for writing LMAO😭i wrote “guinea pig” ‘cus i wanted to absolute wreckkk jonathan crane and have him be a sub, and i got a 6.8k words long fic out of said thirst! music & book quotes motivate me a lot too— i spend sm time digging thru my pinterest for a good quote for the beginning of my fic its actually insane☠️and yes,,, im ashamed to say ive abandoned fics numerous times,,, but thats because they were series’, not oneshots. i get bored of series’ pretty quickly, ‘cause i feel kind of trapped by the initial dynamic or mood set in the first chapter. with oneshots, its like writing one long chapter of this trope and this kink or whatever and then its done, and i dont have to exhaust myself going back to tropes or kinks or storylines ive already done.

i think reading made me a better writer. expanding my vocabulary through the words of others was a biggie; seeing something be described in a certain way in someones story had me thinking of out-of-the-box ways to describe another thing (that doesn’t make much sense but lets pretend it does😭). i have many, many doubts about my work, like constantly, but i usually just suck it up. i sound like an attention whore but seeing the reposts & comments & tags on my other work reminds me people like what i’ve written before and certain people will enjoy what ive written now, so i should just finish my work for them. i also take like 100 years rereading my stuff until i think its good enough lmao,,,

ive kinda watched his whole roster of films (atleast ones i could actually find on the internet and not gone missing as a lost piece of media lmao) and i could probably write for any cillian character given i had a good idea and proper motivation. writing for certain characters is definitely harder for me to do though, so its likely i wont write for them/will take a long time to do so. an example is lenny miller— anna was such an insufferable movie to me, and lenny’s screentime wasn’t long at all, atleast not long enough for me to properly grasp his character. he just felt like a horny hardass fbi goof the whole time i could not take his 5’7 ass seriously😭cillian is smexy as hell in anna tho, so we’ll see😈another would probably be robert capa from sunshine,,, hes beautiful and deliciously musty in that but the whole spaceship setting kinda freaks me out (considering i know 0 zilch nada about space, spaceships, or anything of the sort, so it’d definitely be inaccurate). an au with him id definitely do, though! (with that hair of his my mind is already forming a 90s band au, guitarist!capa x singer!reader story…)

again thank u so much for these questions!! i feel like i rarely get to chat to u guys so this was well appreciated😄🫶thank you so much for reading, for sending these questions in, and for being an overall sweetheart, anon!

[djhamaradio]

I do not have a brand because I am not a corporation.

I lost my job recently and had to log back into my LinkedIn account. The whole thing felt forced and weird because I never use the app and I never post anything and suddenly I posted an alert showing I was open for work. The whole process felt weird because everyone in my network seemed to be confused because everyone on there is an ace at networking and using their personal brands to show people what they have going on in their work lives and I felt like a faker. Same way I feel when I am told I am not effectively branding my radio show and my escapades in the record digging world to become a vinyl influencer (not sure if that exists). The whole thing has me depressed because I get the feeling my inactivity is not helping with my job prospects. And no matter what advice I read on Forbes or whatever blog about personal marketing I’m never going to be good at it. I lack the brand consistency or whatever it’s called because ultimately I am not that committed to this world of personal branding. The article above from the wonderful folks at Vox reminds me that this is one of the legacies of late market capitalism everyone is merely a sellout but we don’t have interests or passions anymore everything we do or say has to be leveraged for likes and followers. The thing I find most intriguing about this world is the pervasisveness of hucksterism, and just pure fakery. I find people employing awful vague corporte phrases like maximizing productivity to describe their day to day lives.I find people posting shit about how one can leverage their brand to build a following that will lead them to make a living off social media. it is all disgusting but more than anything speaks to just how much consumerism, and capitlism in general has infected every sacred facet of human life. We have all become brands, and as brands your ultimate goal is to sell, sell and sell. Sell agressively, sell even if it means lying and sell with your consumer in mind. I look at myself I truly joined social media to connect with friends, at some point I left Facebook because my conservative family had joined and thewas now on they had an issue with my Halloween costume (Me dressed as a member of De La Soul and my girlfriend at the time in. slutty Nun costume), so I deleted the account and stuck with IG. On IG aI liked sharing music banter, odd ball humour and rap references with my small cast of friends who get it, and I use it to let people know when my radio show is on. My show is decently popular and I dont make a living doing it, I do DJ gigs on the side and I make decent guap doing it but would absolutely never do that for a living. The DJ gig funds the record collecting, and the radio show is a creative outlet that is all it is. I dont give a shit about branding, even though in a sense I am acting like a brand but I am not selling you anything. I put myself out there simply to say hey check out what I am doing and let me know if you fuck with it other than that no biggie. I aint out here saying if you listen to my radioshow your dick will grow bigger, all the chicks will like you and I am offering somekind of solution to one of lifes ills. My purpose is simply to say hey dont know what you doing but tune into my non-commercial uninterrupted absolutley amteurish radio show where you get to hear me play funk, soul, jazz and african music, for its on sake and not to sell but plugs or lawn mowers. The branding shit is particularly insidious because it makes us forget that there was a time when people congregated because they shared deep interests outside of the capitalist objective, think about stamp collectors, book clubs, bowling leagues and in my case a group of guys who drive around the midwest frequenting record stores spending huge amounts of hours scouring dollar record bins for prized records (This is also a dying art but I digress). I think at the heart of it social media has democratized aspects of the creative world. I just want to live in a world where I am not a brand.

[bedforddanes75]

saw someone say "dont make decisions when in your luteal or follicular phase" or something then bitched when someone (admittedly a trumpie i think) said "so how do you expect women to do good jobs in power" like you brought this on yourself. its YOUR fault youre getting misogyny because Believe It Or Not women are not completely controlled by their hormones ?? yeah i feel like shit during whatever fucking phases of my cycle but good LORD dont start up on your "dont make decisions!" its sooooooo stupid. oohhh poor women baby waby cant make decisions because her Emotions are too biggy wiggy :(((( SHUT THE FUCK UP

[hballegro]

chapter 8. the biggie. part 1.

it is now i reveal a terrible secret to you all;

you can ctrl+f this chapter and compare it to If-- by Rudyard Kipling. and you will find that every god damn word in that stupid poem appears at least once. there are also a few paraphrased lines in there that you might notice.

WHY???

[i am very bad when it comes to gaging ppl's knowledge of poems i think everyone already knows, so yeah, the poem they're sharing is If- by Rudyard Kipling. easy for me to recognize personally because my mom memorized it all in school and would say it to me sometimes]

this process included me writing the whole thing out by hand, ctrl + f for all of the words, highlighting the ones that i had yet to use, and then keeping the list next to me while editing the first draft

and if you didnt notice this fact at all. that means i did a GOOD JOB!! cause its SUPPOSED TO BLEND IN SEAMLESSLY!!

yknow. its the moment hawkeye fell head-over-heels. and bj too, maybe. so ofc i had to include it in the chapter where they finally Kiss. they havent worked it all out yet yeah but. cmon. i cant just not. my options were to either have one of them reference it directly [im bad at that, and would be ham-fisted], or do this insane strat. and i picked the worst option. fuckin Knaves i hate you rudyard kipling for this and other reasons

also; shouted out in the ao3 endnotes but ill do it here to all sneaky-like, shout out to serpercival for both motivating me to put trapper in this chapter via loving the guy a lot and for letting me use their marvelous brain to pick out some subtle nods to Trapper John MD. i dont wanna @ people but hehe i can still link their page >:]

anyway: the painting peg talks abt being erin's favourite is California Spring, as she says, and here it is

folks i can finally use this meme i made back before i even finished chapter 4

shoutout to this video for being great to have in the bg underneath my sad love music to really set the scene. Loon moment

if you liked how papa Daniel Pierce acted in this, good! hes based off my childhood best friend's mom! she was very intimidating and always had this serious look on her face but the very first time i went over to their house she went 'psst. [best friend]. hball. come over here my husband is gonna come up the stairs and you should jump out and scare him' within the first 20 minutes!!

so basically hes stern/serious/intimidating [formal letters, the kind of man to not want to worry his son, idk just feels right] but goofy as shit and its all a facade [had hawkeye so he gotta be a lil silly, dinner table talk in Sons and Bowlers]

if you liked how i described hawkeye's childhood home GOOD!! i was describing my grandmother's house the whole time and you didnt even know. that ugly sofa is a thing my grandpa did. get pranked. always draw on experience when possible folks

i plan to have the next chapter out two days from now. THREE at the LATEST. and tomorrow i plan to publish the next Operating in Limbo chapter ~sometime~ before midnight [my time. central time.], or like 1am at the latest since i can stay up late tomorrow. unless the Troubles.

reward for scrolling this far; my saga of proto-names being shit like 'ooga booga' continues in the form of this being the working title for the Big Conversation chapter;

[ef-1]

🚩👹❤️❌️🆘️🚨💄💋🌹🍒!

sooooOOooooOOOOooo I'm 21, my friend is engaged, this is my first experience with one of my direct friends actually going on a wedding journey or whatever the fuck you call it, until today I thought the bridzilla thing was like a myth or a joke or mayhaps a boomer thing I don't fucking know what I thought but like. what is this truly. how many times can one person say "but it's my engagement party" before it's socially acceptable to hiss at them.

It's literally so bizarre. I know this is a stressful time. I understand the urge to want everything to be perfect. I know you want the support and help of your friends but maybe? Don't? Be? A? Cunt? I've known her for years, she's always been so sweet???

She made our other friend cry bc she wanted him to pick up the wine and he replied "sure! I'll head over at 3pm (party was at 7) after lunch with my bf" "ITS MY FUCKING ENGAGEMENT, CANT YOUR LUNCH WAIT" ¿¿¿ ???

I picked up the hors d'oeuvres, she changed the order from the catering company last minute so there was an extra charge, no biggie, I paid for it, didn't mention it to her at all. Picked up her dress. I booked & paid for her hair stylist. We're the same shoe size so for a couple of weeks I went out, tried on a bunch of shoes for her and sent her photos until she found the one. Steamed her dress this morning. She's not too handy with makeup and she asked me to do her makeup, something I've done hundreds of times before to no complaints but today was"kate, you're not doing it right, I want it to look like yours" WE DONT HAVE THE SAME FUCKINF FEATURES IM NOT A FUCKING MAGICIAN. Her sister doesn't drive so a couple of weeks ago I made the 3 hour drive to her country ass town to pick her and her weird husband who would not fucking stop flirting with me up. My friend got his bf who's a photographer to photograph the party for free. I lended her my grandmother's jewellery.

Literally one thing about me is I'll never ever, ever, ever do anything for someone because I expect something in return bc I think that's a shitty way to approach life and you'll hurt yourself when people don't repay you for something they didn't ask for. So I'm not the type of person to regret doing a favour bc if I do something, I wanted to. I had no problem with doing any of the above bc I agreed to do it. I wanted to do it.

What I did not agree to is having to watch her scream at our friend for 20 minutes until he cried. Honestly this should have been enough, I'm not a timid person I should have told her to fucking cut it out and I'm ashamed I didn't.

My nervous system has been literally fucking eating itself. My leg has been completely numb for 2 weeks now. standing is fine, but I literally can't walk without a cane. It sucks. It fucking sucks because people look at you and they mean well always but they can't not look like they pity you when they do. And she'd been disgusting today. Like a genuinely horrible person. And it's her night, didn't want to ruin it so after 2 hours of formalities, when people started grinding on eachother like animals in heat and her sister's husband started eyeing me like the fucking weirdo that he is and i got my 8th "Awwwww Katherine you look beautiful, why don't you dance" of the night BECAUSE I FUCKING CANT MAYBE THIS IS A REHEARSAL FOR WHEN I GET PARALYSED FUCK OFFFFFFFF I HOPE THE SUN FALLS ON YOUR FUCKING HEAD

I went up to her and whispered "hey, I'm just going to head out, the fatigue is hitting hard and I hate when people ask me why I'm not dancing" which is something she knows. Something I've confided in her about a hundred times. When MS fucks my mobility I usually just stay at home until it boils over, she knows this. So imagine my surprise when she literally looks me in my dumb fucking eyes 🧿🧿 and says "kate are you serious? Can't you just hold on a for a couple of hours, what am I meant to do without you." girl at this point? die for all I care.

Her raggedy ass fiance, who I've advocated the dumping of a trillion times btw has the AUDACITY to chase me to the car when my flatmate comes to pick me up with "Katherine you're upsetting her" ¿¿¿¿¿¿ ¿‽‽‽‽‽‽‽‽‽‽‽‽

the wildest part is, this isn't even the wedding, this is just the engagement I just realised maybe despite knowing this friend for years maybe I didn't know her at all lol anyway I looked so fucking good it wasn't even close and I'm so glad I decided not to wear the expensive dress I'd planned on wearing, and maybe this is all a sobering lesson about socially sanctioned behaviour and not swallowing your tongue when someone you love is made to cry

[all-doggirls-go-to-heaven-2]

Ok sorry girl you can't say people having problem with the prose in locked tomb is us being ""too weak"" for unsanitized queer rep. I watch Gaspar Noe films. I couldnt get through the third chapter of those books because the prose often left me disappointed and disoriented. I don't want to say "cringy" bc I dont believe in it, but it didnt take itself seriously enough for me to take it seriously.

Maybe theres some good querr content there. Maybe theres GREAT queer content there. But its written like a bunch of teenagers who spend too much time on pinterest and tiktok trying to recount the plot to a sci-fi movie. And that SUCKS to read through if youre not 100% on board with it.

The biggest takeaway is this: art that has queer things in it is often really bad. Sorry to say it. Ive been to enough indie film festivals to see alllll the gay short movies that just suck the life out of you (in a bad way). Because more often than not, being gay is 1. Not being investigated in any meaningful way 2.the people making it have about no money or expertise and/or 3.(and this is the biggie) they think simply because its gay it has enough edge. They think that outside homophobia is enough of a conflict. Or worse, they think that simply making something an A.I could write about space aliens but the woman in the cover has a cock is somehow good enough to be "good queer rep" and not bother to tell you a good story.

I remember being in my first documentary class. And my teacher, bless her soul, said something that will never leave my mind.

"When we put a character up there, we're representing them. And if we fuck it up, we smear their reputation. After all, someones gonna see that movie you made and ask themselves 'damn, why did x agreed to be in this? This sucks. I thought they had higher standards/knew better/were better than this.'. Thats your main responsabilty when youre making something about people you care about. Dont fuck it up."

And im sad to say but

Some of us are kinda fucking it up, and the rest of us are shutting our eyes and saying "it cant possibly be bad, its queer!"