#DONT RB THIS PLEASE

[pissed-whizard]

my blog is a gateway drug to cooler and better blogs (my mutuals)

[zekuto]

i was obsessed the first time i saw someone post leon on that stupid panda rocker but i was never able to find raw footage of it lol, so i decided to compile leon with all the playground interactions because i love him <3

[magentasnail]

so I started playing stardew valley, and now it's the only thing I want to do with my life

I had to trick myself by drawing stardew things, namely krobus my beloved

[eggtomatosoup]

IT IS FINALLY DONE!!! my 5 minute* oc animatic about a robotgirl** with meat in it!

Please check it out! (+some frames I like under the cut)

and of course,

*(it's 4 minutes and 51 seconds)

**(she's working on it)

[npdkondraki]

hi. kondraki scpverse is a trans woman. cope and seethe and read my essay about her below the cut. (it's really fucking long) (please god i put so much fucking work into this read it im begging you)

ok for starters for people who dont know what or who the hell im talking about right now (doubtful) (only adding this for the unitiated & newbies): this essay is about my awesome wife DR [REDACTED] HENRICH KONDRAKI(1) from pseudo-niche internet horror-fiction site THE SCP FOUNDATION(2/3). if you can't tell by our url i am Bonkers Crazy Insane about her and have been sporadically obsessed with her for several years. she sucks bad. anyways this post is about why i think she's a trans woman instead of being a "cishetallo man" like canon claims she is. you may be wondering; "but sawyer how is canon wrong about this if its canon" and to that i say. I know better than canon does dont worry about it. ok with that out of the way lets get into the schmeat of this thang

FIRST OFF. kondraki's entire view on masculinity is inherently tied to violence. she believes that if she isnt violent, cruel, and hiding her emotions constantly, then she isn't a 'real man'. her entire worldview, including her view of her own gender, is perceived through the lens of men, including herself, needing to be 'masculine', but she defines this masculinity through her own warped idea of what masculinity 'really is'. because she perceives men, and by extension masculinity itself, as violence, then she herself is violent. everything down to the way she speaks is designed to make her appear cruel, vindictive, and, most importantly, violent. she goes as far as claiming her favourite memory of working for the foundation is when she chased a man down and, quote, "[shot] his fucking face off"(4). however, despite all her tough-talk about being "badass"(5/6), she actually appears to be incredibly regretful about her actions(7), unlike her words imply.

she creates a cycle of retraumatizing herself over and over by hating everything being a man stands for, but refusing to acknowledge it. she leans into the idea that she is violent and cruel, creating a self-made cycle of self-hatred. this retraumatization makes her more violent; it causes her to lash out more, to be more vindictive, to be more outwardly cruel to people, to be more "man-like" in her eyes. she places herself into a self-made twister of hating herself enough that it rubs off on everyone else, and then positively claims its "[her] design"(8) rather than accepting how depressing it makes her life. she uses her own cruel perception of masculinity as a way to shield herself from the idea that she could ever, willingly, be a woman, because she's too violent and cruel and she'll never be a real woman, not in the same way people like rights & iris are. she fully, completely, and genuinely, believes that if she is able to "out-man" every man surrounding her then nobody is able to question what she thinks of herself.

theres an additional layer to how she views masculinity, in the sense that it makes her also view femininity as inherently docile, something that she lives by even when she is acting as a woman. in doing so she continues to perpetuate her idea that she must be violent to be masculine, because she views women (or, more specifically, the concept of being a woman) as fragile, weak, perceptible to being hurt, and she refuses to be any of these things. in refusing to view herself as a woman she, in her mind, refuses to view herself as emotional, hysterical, and, perhaps worst of all in her mind, just a woman. it's an incredibly unfortunate mix of how she was raised and the culture at her work; she is punished for being feminine (emotional, caring, nurturing, etc) and rewarded for being masculine (violent, cruel, selfish, etc) because that's just how people are in her line of work(9).

she views the entire experience and idea of being a woman as a joke. she's allowed to think about it, as a joke. she's allowed to be feminine, as a joke. she's allowed to be a girl, as a joke. she's allowed to be a pretty princess(10), as a joke. the very few brief moments where she allows herself to act on her impulses and suggest, even a bit, that she would like to be a woman is played for a joke(11/12/13/14/15). she speaks of being a woman as though it is a mystical thing, something she can only hope to achieve, less of a real option and more of a fantasy. she is acceptive of trans people(16), going so far as to say it seems that "it’s quite remarkable how productivity and morale improves once they come out and settle into living as their correct gender. [she imagines] it’s a huge relief, and it shows in everything they do." it's just that she truly doesn't view herself as being worthy of that. her entire life has been spent convincing herself that she isn't worth anything, let alone joy or comfort. she doesn't think she deserves to be allowed to transition. she believes that dr. kondraki needs to die, needs to be shot, needs to get it over with and kill herself already, and doesn't realize that the distance she puts between "[redacted] henrich kondraki" and "dr. kondraki" is a mask, a shell she can hide behind; it's a way for her to excuse any mention of her being a woman. if dr. kondraki can't be a woman, then [redacted] henrich kondraki can't be a woman either. it's nothing but a fantasy to her, something she can joke about and then discard along with the rest of her fantasies of being a good person, of being someone who deserves to be happy.

you can even bring her entire theming of butterflies into her own repression; the butterflies act as a camoflauge in the same way her mask of masculinity does. the only time she ever is truly gentle or nurturing or caring, all tasks she has deemed feminine, is with her butterflies. butterflies are specifically used in metaphors for transition, quite often appearing in trans artwork as a way to represent the death of who you once were and who you are now. the fact the butterflies also possess camoflauging abilities, which they tend to specifically use to make themselves (and kondraki) invisible, is in and of itself a metaphor for being in the closet, or, in kondraki's case, being repressed and refusing to acknowledge her transness. her transness is treated as though it's invisible, something she only looks at when it's disturbed, not unlike the way you can only see the butterflies by disturbing them. she refuses to acknowledge it, hides behind her camoflauge as a defense mechanism. coming to terms with her transness would make her have to disolve and be reborn, and she doesn't believe she deserves that. she doesn't believe she deserves to live free of the guilt, of everything she's done, so instead she stays camoflauged, stays in her bubble of masculinity where she feels her self-imposed shame and guilt.

all in all; kondraki is extremely repressed and refuses to accept that she's a woman, despite her progressive views, because she believes it would mean she is weak and fragile. she's terrified of her femininity, and uses violence and humor to deny every feminine part of herself.

DISCLAIMER. my choice to use specifically she/her for kondraki in this essay was a purposeful and deliberate choice and if you choose to use he/him after i have literally solely referred to her with she/her in this entire post i hate you personally. in other words

[pothosrays]

curious. lol

[gothic-ouji]

I hate our Simply Plural right now so I'm going to do that "for every notes this post gets" with SP tasks I've been putting off for months

1 notes — make a profile for a missing member (there's only 15 or so headmates missing)

5 notes — fix someone's description

10 notes — fix someone's info fields

25 notes — fix one of the groups

50 notes — clean out and probably delete our prns.cc pages

75 notes — fix our Pluralkit descriptions

100 notes — fix our god-awful graphics for our SP profile

I don't think my posts have ever gotten more than 100 notes so i doubt this one will either, I think 100 is enough of a limit :3 feel free to spam rb or spam comment, I gotta get these done awhhaaa

[oldweedsmokingbf]

Please Help the Zubaida Family Anyway You Can!

Hello! One of my close irl friends who has been in close contact with Mohannad Abu Zubaida, who is trying to escape to Egypt with his wife and three kids, reached out to me asking if I can help spread his campaign in any way that I can! Unfortunately we were not able to donate much, but in response we are going to be drawing art for Mohannad and his family to help spread this campaign the best that we can! In the meantime if you can share this post that would be amazing and if you are interested in drawing art as well, please do! Feel free to contact me if so or if you would like more information.

[saym0-0]

i fw loceit now

(ref under the cut)

this is the kind of photo where i feel like i should know who these people are but really i just found it on pinterest

[xxplastic-cubexx]

if i said i picked up this issue for anything but drunk erik i fear i'd be lying

(Wolverine (2020) #3)

[cervinae-canine]

you should always be annoying about demoman..if youre dont an angel loses their wings.

[cptnbeefheart]

last year in my sketchbook: can representational art be more sustainable for me if i take it less seriously? can i balance the two? | my art

[astralzeraphias]

maybe i came too early, maybe i came too late

i’m waiting in the shadows of the scaffolds of the old cafés where you told me to wait

[reshiram]

‼ need help getting emergency furniture

hi! i was all set to move to new england this week. but due to factors outside of my control (including the hurricane), everything blew up on me. it is no longer safe for me to live there.

i have to move into an apartment by the 18th, and i am very lucky to have secured something... but... the issue is i have thrown away most of my furniture (the place i was moving to was furnished), and i need at least a bed and a desk. i have some options but they are totaling around $560... x_x i can get away without a desk i think, but i at least need something to sleep on, i have chronic pain and an air mattress won't be suitable for me in the long run (But i'll try to make it work as long as possible!).

thank you very much for any help, even if you're simply spreading this....

401 / 560

☕ + 🍵 ; ask for other payment options.

[catinasink]

the traveler, the star, and the fish

"why are there fish, nico?" you ask. well. lets jusr say. fish

sign that says id really appreciate reblogs of my art !!! /nf

[doeeeyes]

amazement vs embarrassment