#DONT LOOK AT ME ROGHT NOW IM

[lombax-lombardi]

Thank you Cupid Parasite for not giving me one but two faves

The others I like too but I got two faves

One is emotional trauma

The other is a weird goat dog

[tacharie]

VERY LATE REVIEW ON EPISODE 8 WOW.

HEY GUYS SO SO SORRY IVE BEEN LATE BUT IM HERE… ROGHT BEFORE EPISODE 9 😭😭😭. guys but for realsies I don’t really have much to say for episode 8 cause I mostly forgot what happened. TIME TO BRING OUT THE SCREENSHOTS. As always, spoilers ahead of you have not already read Tokyo Debunker Episode 8, and these were written in the order of my reactions, so you will be seeing how my reactions progress. There will be no more spoiler warning ahead of this soooo pls don’t blame me DANKE :3

ohhhhhh ok ok I see this and I’m kinda not liking it!! They’re pretty and all but like… I hate auctions cause it’s like geez louise. I’ve read so many zombie manwhas where they start selling people at auctions and it makes me so uncomfortable now that I see auctions.

ANYWAYS staring off strong with my boy RITSU!! I haven’t seen you in forever my lizard looking friend what’s happening !!!

this bitch is no longer my friend. WHAT ARE YOU BEING SO MEAN FOR DO YOU NOT REMEMBER THE ANNOUNCEMENT OF US TURNING INTO AN ANOMALY LIKE DANG. Like Ik you’re all head first into work or whatever but geez Louise, part of being a lawyer is being empathetic to understand how to get evidence from witnesses dumb dumb.

why is this LOSER. Not listening to my glorious queen. Just because it don’t follow the charts does NOT mean that it isn’t plausible like cmon think logical here. Also, when he’s like getting mad at Taiga without actually talking to him, I can just see him shaking his fist in the air lmao. Moving on from him… ROMEO CALLED US :3!!

HAIIII ROMEO MY NEW FAVORITE OF SINOSTRA WHATS POPPING!!! Also, NEW FACE!! NEW FACE FROM ROMEO I THINK. He has an angry one all the time last time, but now this one is more like… concerned?? Idk MOVING ON!! Also, I’m starting to like Romeo and I really want to know his lore for now. Cause look at this:

Like who is doing this to you BBG!!! I kinda feel bad for him he’s js a lil guy sometimes :(

(NOT IN LIKE THE FANON MIDORIYA WAY BUT IN LIKE A he’s very pitiful sometimes)

Also dang what is with this tension between Taiga and Romeo bruh. Like they’re legit acting like exes. I DONT SHIP THEM DONT GET ME WRONG. But like… there was DEFINITELY SOMETHING. Especially since Taiga remembers his name/nickname.

Yuri and Jiro :(!!! I MISSED YOU TWOO HAIIIII!!! Guys they’re so cute lmao Yuri getting worried like a friend awwwwww… though I’m pretty sure it’s because Jiro is still his subject. ARGHH OMG 😭💕 “I was only there cause I was looking for you” AWWWWWWW THATS SO SWEET!! The whole vomiting scene was so funny and silly and cute of them I hope we see them more!!

WOAHHHHHHHHHH!!! AWOOGA HELLO 😍😍😍!!! GUYS THEY LOOK SO PRETTAYYYYY!! Dang Romeo hand selected them, no surprise there. They’re sooooo cute AND THE MC AHHHHHH SHES SO SILLY 😭😭💕💕💕!!!

“try not to be discreet” immediately grabs Taiga’s ear. Oh wow. Also Imma need Taiga to STOP WOTH THE KITTEN TALK. IVE HAD IT 😡😡. ITS NOT FUNNY ANYMORE!

WHAT. NO. NONONONONONONONONO PLEASEEEEEEE SPARE ME WHY ME 😭😭😭. WHAT DO YOU MEAN WE HAVE TO SHARE A ROOM WITH THESE THREE LUNATICS. BRUH TAIGA’S PROBABLY LIKE A SLEEP BITER. UH UH I REFUSE 😡. You guys are rich aren’t you?? Can’t we have separate rooms pretty please. Also besides from sharing, I don’t like the idea of staying overnight. Cause they told us nothing!! We ain’t got toothbrush, deodorant, NADA. It’s gotta REEK in there.

Ok so… Romeo knowing the password is not rubbing me the right way. I hate it actually. Romeo please don’t be TOO sketch!!! Please please please I BEGGGG!! Also woah… I don’t like how it looks!! Like the AI is so obvious with this one PLEASEEE INVEST IN A BACKGROUND ARTIST. It’s not that difficult I promise you. The music is hella nice tho MEAH MWAH LOVELYYYY!! Also if you screen record a video with the background, you can see they added a shaky effect which was cool!!

alright Romeo. How’s you come up with the name. Guys he might actually be in some dark shit uh oh. Chat I think my fav sinostra character is cooked. Taiga pointing that out makes js confirms my suspicions. Like guys. Sighs. Also, I highly doubt Gojo teacher is gonna bail us out of this one taiga 🙁… he’s … NOT THAT GREAT!!

Ok so we split up anddddd… Taiga went to a bar. Naturally. RITSU, WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM. Like, I know he’s not personally insulting anyone, but like getting compared to Romeo is bad?? I mean, I guess they’re kinda opposites so IG!! Gulping down Taiga’s drink is WILD LMAOOO 😭😭.

ok moving onto their little exploration, Taiga, leaves his three blind mice looking glasses alone. It’s actually kinda cute that Ritsu is so sweet for his mom. ALSO HOURS??? FOR GLASSES?? I thought I was indecisive geez man. And oh!! They found the mask right? NOT TAIGA SUGGESTING THEY GANK THEM WHAT 😭 WHY IS HE SHOOTONG THE PLACE UP HELLO?? WHY DID HE SHOW RITSU TO WHACK THINGS WITH HIS BOOK OMG 😭.. IM DEADDDD.

alrighty now our side. Romeo and queeny let’s gooo!!! Romeo scamming some guy is actually crazy lmao. But like, he knew this guy?? Then why is this guy acting like he doesn’t know Romeo? That’s … STRANGE!! Anyways, AHHHH THAT ONE ART OF HIM HOLDING THE PAINTING WAS EVERYTHING :(!! So sweet so cute!! Other than the fact he scammed someone but I digress!!!

“There’s only a handful of people in this world that know the true vale of things.” Such an odd sentence to add, that’s more of an inner dialogue thing but he said it aloud. Maybe he meant smth else by it but like IM NOT THAT DETECTIVY GUYS!!

Romeo please leave my Boy Yuri alone 😭😭. They got that little man stressing fr. But I wanted to point out a few things from their conversation:

-“ Someone’s gotten cocky” (Romeo to Yuri) The word gotten changed the entire meaning of THSI sentence. They knew each other before… from Frostheim maybe?? Cause we know both of them have personal beef from frost heim, maybe they both transferred but were once close back then. Sounds kinda cliche but. Further evidence: “I remember when you ran off crying to the grubby old lab, now you’re playing king of the castle?” So maybe not together, but just what kind of connection did they have? Maybe Romeo was a bully :(

BUT WAIT !! THERES MORE!!! “ha ha. Fine words coming from a has-been like you. Why, I hardly hear anyone speak of you these days. I suppose your accomplishments were only possible before you relinquished your brand name. Oh, I suppose it’s more accurate ‘before it was stolen from you?’ “. … WOW!! Ok!!! So yeah Romeo was popular, he was .. maybe forced out of Frostheim because of his family situation… or maybe bullied out of it. With Romeo, a lot of times someone mentions something being stolen from him, which is probably why he’s so obsessed with wealth. Their relationship is so strange, I need to raise their affinities to see more lore.

Aw yeah, my queen got the lobster and pasta she deserved for her dinner!! I’m so glad that we don’t have to sleep with each other bro like legit JUMPING FOR JOY 😆😆😆!!!

Aw shucks Romeo is being shady once more ; “ Just relax by your little fireplace and I’ll bring you a nice souvenir. I’ll bring you back that mask so don’t forget our deal.” PROFESSOR HYDE. IK ITS YOU. WTF ARE YOU UP TO. Why does he want that mask, why does he need a mask, is he doing this against Darkwick or for them? Guys I need answers like urgently.

Oh no. It’s Taiga. Everyone smile and wave. Bruh why is he talking to us like he don’t know us m. It’s us, your kitty patootie. YEAHHHH HE RECOGNIZED US!! PROGRESS GUYS!! Omg wait he might actually remember the train… HE DID !! HE DID YES 😭😭!! TAIGA YOU ARE THE GOAT MY GLORIOUS KING TAIGA. Wait but he forgot where the monster went. Man… can’t do nothing fr 🙁. Uh oh :3 Romeo caught us!! DAMN TAIGA BEING SO MEAN FOR WHAT. “We were just talking about how gross you sound buttering someone up” like dang. We think that, not say that. What power does Gojo teacher hold to control Romeo so easily… I don’t get it :(.

phew day 2, auction day!! Taiga sleeping in the ceremony is so real. WHY IS HE SO READY TO SHOOT EVERYBODY GEEZ. Oh!! Romeo comes busting in… AHHHHHH MY GLORIOUS QUEEN MC IN THE BACKGROUND SUCH A CUTIE. Oh he actually started shooting ok!!! Awesome!!! OH WHAT THE… THEYRE ALL GLITCHING. RUN MC TUN. DONT LET THE OTHERS SLACK YOU!!

Ok so they got to the exit, and they won’t let us out… AWESOME. JUST AWESOME. Bruh Taiga is going on some riddle shit JS TELL US PLEASEEEEE. Bruh. Romeo. My guy. My pall. WHY TF DID YOU HAVE SO MUCH TREASURE 😭😭😭. WHY WOULD YOU THROW IT RIGHT AT RITSU. RITSUUUUU GET YO ASS HOME!! Oh wait his stigma nvm. He’s chilling. That panel of Ritsu saying his stigma goes hard though.

AWWWWW THEIR DIRT COVERED FACES ARE SO CUTE!!! AHHH I LOVE IT!! Too bad about the mask and Romeo’s treasure but we chilling. OH WAIT NVM TAIGA GOT THE MASK!! YAYAYYAYAY!! Romeo looks so happy aw 😭. Oh.. OH!!! ARE THEY ABOUT TO KISS?? WHAT HAOPENED IT ZOOMED IN ONTO ROMEO’S LIPS WHAT HAPPENDD.

Oh we’re back at the Diner with Ritsu. WAIT CAN WE SEE OUR BOY REN :3??? BRUH WHAT. TAIGA ATE THE FUCKING MASK??? HUH??? Another probation is actually crazy dang…

Oh shit Taiga and Hyde. “Lay off Lulu” AWWWWWW HE CARES ABOUT HIS FRIEND. AWWWWW!!! Bruh Hyde is actually pissing me off bro tf you mean “The stage is nearly set” FOR WHAT??? FOR WHAT PURPOSE??? Guys 😭

ok so that’s that. Uhhhhh I might have skipped a few parts but this is merely going off on the deleted screenshots I took the time I read it. The only thing I do remember is what I was thinking on each scene. Honestly, not much was given in this one for like DARKWICK lore, except for the fact they work with underground connections as well as governmental. That’s actually so wild how powerful they are. I’m actually so excited to see more of Ritsu’s emotional side, and Romeo/ Taiga’s backstory, not just tightened but their personal ones too. Still don’t have Taiga’s unique magic womp womp :(. Hyde… is freaking me out a bit too. And nothing has been explained about why Hyde called Sho for a “special mission”. It doesn’t look like he’s gonna be a part of the next chapter too, so it’s making sho SUPPERRRR SUS rn. But anyways I hoped you enjoyed and I will make another one of these VERY soon for Episode 9 :3!! Ciao , until next chapter!!

[smilepilled]

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hi. important / significant post for this blog today, very wordy but also very heartfelt. mainly targeted for the 400 milestone + things ive been wanting to say. hopefully the wording isn't too wonky? ❤️‍🩹

thanks if you stop by. might edit this later to make it "less fancy", if it ends up bothering me — dividers and decoration are mainly for organizing it and making it feel like the blog's thing. either way...

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hi, smilepilled/"bug" here (please just call me marcyie); this post will be about things id like to communicate directly to whoever sees it, and something regarding the blog (especially considering the 400 follower milestone). its mainly due to: (1) not wanting people to see me as some cool huge figure and instead just see me as a silly user having fun in my zone, AKA wanting to me treated like just any other random blog; and (2) communicating about intentions regarding people & situations.

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to start off: im not particularly joyous or happy with having ~400 followers or otherwise being "popular"/"known", because im straight up just some old (soon-to-be-legal) teenager who looks at pretty stuff on tumblr autistically. hence why im not planning on commemorating — however, please do know youre all very dear to me! i am very thankful for all the people i've met here ♡ i am a moot-focused account, i follow anyone that follows me, and you're all very much oomphed up in case you followed me.

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i would prefer to avoid any parasocial images from my person, or anything similar like that, so please just keep in mind: im just some random person online! im friendly and all, but please know im not and i dont want to be some "cool tumblr user", im a stranger online that is friendly but most people dont know much about; im just marcyie, the friendly tumblr neighborhood bugthing, treat me as such. i am keen on having understanding and nice interactions with people, but i am not some influencer or whatever. ^_^;

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ADDITIONALLY, a reminder that i personally will always be glad to solve any troubles thru personal "1-on-1" conversation over fights. if u gotta, send me a message and i'll get to it with u! seroously. even if ur fresh from some tense situation with me involved. if u demonstrate willingness to make peace im gonna be just as hearty. i heavily dislike being seen as some unstoppable force or hazard or whatever else — or worse, an opp. :'D i actively go out of my way to NOT be an opp to people, and even if i make mistakes, the intention is very much there, severely so. i really think often about making amends with people who i've had problems with, but since i am unaware of how to do that in a "socially acceptable way", i end up not doing it out of fear of making anything worse. its quite annoying for me, paradoxical as well.

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while i do have very complicated feelings towards a few people who've been in a headache of a situation (indefinite times, and indefinite amounts of people) with me being involved, id like to affirm that the greatest one is that of wanting to just make peace with whatever and whoever i've affected. im aware i say a lot of dumb things in the dumbest ways, and usually its interpreted in the worst possible way — something im painfully aware of, because i am not a english speaker mainly and i have deep problems with communicating what i feel/think with words. i mess up, i jumble up wording, and thats ultimately okay — if i make mistakes, its usually trying to do something good (or something bad towards someone bad, like a racist person, or something similar. which isnt great either!). im glad to be asked apologies of whenever, because most of the time i just end up not realizing that what i say was innapropriate or hurtful, hence creating a lot of the conflicts existing between me & others.

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i can apologize roght now, naturally in a shallower "blanket" way, for things ive said. because i am sorry: and i hope i can be forgiven, but most of all i really just want people to realize that my mistakes are learning experiences, and not things im proud of. im working on a lot, and while im aware some people will just not have the wellbeing or otherwise patience to deal with my erratic behavior, i do ask to be humanized as i often do with others in my head — i am constantly defending people in my head, and while i shouldnt do that for some, i still am hellbent on trying to be humane to others.

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either way, that's all. having 400 followers was very sudden, and as much as i'm thankful, i humbly ask to be treated normally — please do not view me as some cool tumblr blog, big wowzer, a fan-having awesomest, and moreso a seventeen year old autism unit in their corner of the internet where they hype stuff (and people) up. genuinely just a silly blog for me, im not focused on follower counts or influencing or anything — very much the contrary, this is my corner of the internet, for me, not for others. and im glad to meet a lot of people, but i really wont hesitate to archive this and start a new blog entirely for my sake (and others').

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have a lovely day. please remember to eat and drink water, and take breaks! my activity has grown a little lower, and i plan to continue focusing mainly on my real life situations over online stuff. please have a moment to be kind to yourselves, and remember to keep love in your hearts! 💜🩷🤍💛🧡❤️

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TL;DR — please dont "be my fan", be my moot. treat me as some random friendly teenager acquaintance, and not a figure online. also, please remember i make mistakes while aiming to be good & do good; i like people and circles with them, and communicating in general isnt my forté, but i still try my best to be nice and do things properly. i'm more than glad to solve anything with people that needs solving, but since i can often make things worse by caring too much or trying too hard, i'll just leave this note here. thank you for four hundred moots, but please, keep me as a moot and not as a "woawza tumblr user", Please. ❤️‍🩹

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[theuniverseawakens347]

This is Garret he’s racist - colorist HATES LIGHT SKINS WE ARE SEEN AS SEX OBJECTS TO BE FUCKED W BUT SEND THE BLACK MAN TO DO IT BIT ALSO TALKING W CASHAY SHES BEHAVED AND WELL SPOKEN ENLUGH I WONDER IF SHELL LET ME STICK MY DICK IN HER -

NO YOU FUCKING IDIOT.

.. you talk to James WHOS A CRACK HEAD USING THE DRUG TO LIVE HIS SIN OF YELLING AT WHOMEVER HES RACIST TOWARDS FOR HIS OWN PERSONAL REASONS vs the Mexican woman in the library yelling SAME THING .. SHE SEEING PPL HER DED ANCESTORS FOR BEING FUCKING RACIST AND BLAMING SOMEONE ELSE FOR HER CHOICES IN HER LOFE POSITION ROGHT NOW - SAME W JAMES BUT NOT SEEING THINGS HES HEARING VOICES. - ANCESTORS FUCKING YOU UP FOR BEING A SHIT HEAD AND PUTTING TOO MICH FUCKING STRESS ON ME AND DARNIECE AND MY WHOLE BLOODLINE TRYING TO BALANCE SHIT OUT IN OUR OWN LANE BREAKING CURSES.

NOW YOU GOT PPL LOOKING AT BEN LIKE HES RACIST - BUT ITS TINA TO THE WHITE MAN AND BEN TRYING TO DEFEND HIMSELF BUT NOW THE OUTSIDERS CONFUSED ON RASIM BEGINNING THINK ITS JUST STRAIGHT HIM - WHITE MAN N A AFRICAN TURNED AMERICAN FAMILY OF SAVAGES TRYING TO GET BACK FOR THE MISUNDERSTANDING OF PICK A NIGGERS WHEN IT WAS UR OWN KIND BEING JEALOUS OF SOMEONE OUTSIDE THE TRIBE DEEMING SOMEONE KN UR TRIBE THE BEST AT X Y N Z - AGAIN YOU WERE GIVEN WHAT YOU CUD HANDLE HAD YOU STAYED IN UR FUCKING LANE N TENDED UR GARDEN BUT YOU SAID NO I WANA FUCK YOU OVER BC IM ALways the last picked in basketball teaming - YOU NOT PRACTICING UR SKILL SET TO GET REWARDED YOU STEALING FROM SOMEONE ELSE OR SETTING UR KIND OF FOR MURDER YOH WISH YOU WAS LIKE BUT DONT SEE YOU JUST NEED A LITTLE EXTRA PRACTICE TO GROW THAT SHIT DUMBASS DDG - sexyy red glorrilla who got a bigger ass or tits or prettier w make up on cause our music suck outside the beat and one or two bars here n there - LETS JUST TWERK - OKAY RAPE CULTURE CONFRATS ALL THE WOMEN AND MEN NOW FUCKING AIMLESSLY AND BOOM BABIES W PARENTS WHO DONT WANT EM IN FULL UNLESS THEY MAKE MONEY BC THEY DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE AND PARENT THEMSELVES TO BEGIN W - MOMMY N DADDY WILL YOU TAKE CARE OF YOU FOREVER TIL YOU DIE I DONT WANA GROW UP BUT ILL FAKE IT TO THE CAMERA OR THE OUTSIDE FAMILY MEMBERS OR JUST ENOUGH TO YOU TO GET WHAT I WANT AND NEED - LEE GARLINGTON IN FULL AND HOWARD NUGENT PROJECTING THEIR DEPRESSIONAL ERA MOMMY N DADDY ISSUES ONTO ME N MY TRIBE ACTUALLY WORKING LUR ASSES OFF .. SHAUNTE ALWAYS IN SNOOP BUSINESS CLEANING UP SOME ASS WIPE MESS 2pac CAUSE A NIGGA GOT TWO CARRIED AWAY W NOT UNDERSTANDING SELF SABOTAGE AND EXTENDING IT TO THE WHOLE FUCKING FAMILY - INTER RACE SHOW ALL GENERATIONAL CURSES. 🤬 FUKING DICKS.

“How do we get away from the white man chains on us” - EXAMINE YOUR OWN WHITENESS IN YOU .. WE ALL THE SAME FUCKING PPL - U FUCKED OVER AFRICA AND NATIVE INDIGENOUS PPL FOR WHAT!? Cows brains cannibalism - CONGRATS IDIOTS. EVERY DAY YOU WANT ME MAD N STARVING. SO FUCK YOU - I DIE WE ALL FUCKING DIE - LEE WHY YPU NUMB MY HYPOCAMPUS SINCE BIRTH - DARNIECE HER BLOODLINE HUNTS US SINCE THOMAS JEFF right .. Benni Frank. - GEORGE WASHINGTON .. illuminating the idiocity with Benni frank dropping in here and there semion toko - U DONT DESERVE GOD CAUSE YOU KEEP DOING DUMB SHIT TO DIE SO IMA DIE W YOU .. but YOU still gon be miserable- 3/4 EARTHLY WIPE PUT. CAUSE YOU WAS GIVEN SOOOO MANY FUCKING CHANCES TO GET IT RIGHT - NEVER TOLD YOU I WAS GOD TIL NOW BC AGAIN WHY TF WOULD YOU HARM ANYONE INSTEAD OF WORKING ON YOURSELF!??? - self harm new perspective LEE GARLINGTON HOWARD NUGENT Suicidal PARENTING

[solardick]

They just deleted my post. Guess they dont like the truth about politics, symbols and brainwashing. And are anti-bible. Though they kept all my bs insanity and unhealthy blog ramblings of insanity.

Though on another note. That that this blog has gone persoanl

Again. Right as i het my post deleted as im wtyping about the letter X on the sun card and the russian symbols of war. Trying to usuro that place. To keep the motion of being bullied. I leave on that note. Step outside put on my ball cap. Toronto mapleleafs. And what doni see? A boy and girl playing ball. Boy with the bat girl with the glove. And then an emergency alarm goed off. An ambulance or cruiser. One of the two. The X on the suncard. And go shopping for some “healthy foods” and get eyed by a homely girl. Not beautiful. But not ugly. Onyl

A little bit. Shes getting turned on. Cuase im sexy. While shopping woth her boyfriend. Id tap that.

The X is a multifaceted symbol. Meaning no and yes. Usually tommy cause when ever the suncard is involved. Its a bad X. It’s treasure. Or treasure turn bad by bs? X marks the spot. If y’all a criminal.

So according to this experience Waites an asshole.

Think sje was lactose intolerate. She mentioned skemthign along those lines searching fir the item she couldnt find ont he shleves. She likes the fact that i alsompicked up some chocolat almond milk, roght beside.

She said hmm. And she’s right. Thats good stuff.

If Putin was an american he would have been assasinated by now like all americans get.

Something bothers me anout the sun card. And the X. Shouldnt it be the moon card instead?

The rising of the sheild hero? Hey look its my story in anime form. Gonlim slayer was awesome. Too. Is there goblins? No? Thrn i dont care.

Anyway the briliance of the lost post as turn to something dumb. Ugh.

Anyway to continue on.

И = and. В = in, on, at. Я = I, as in myself since the letter I capital on this type setting is obscure. A = and, but. An And with contrast. К = to, toward, by. У = at, by, near the subject. О = about; or as an English equivalent of Oh!” С = with, off, from, since.

? “Ok you want to see what i got.

Yoo nad you miss out on the best post ive ever was working on. Guess you inly get “12th house bs” cause its taurus. Choose better times luv. Instead of proving yourself right.

On accounted over-layering alphabets. Number 23. Outside the bounds of tarot, save for cyclic repetition. Is given letters Х and W. which is curious. Considering these are the letters for cards the moon and the sun. Х is akin to the sun card but here under the russian guise is closer to its english counterpart of letter H. Which classically is placed upon the lovers card. Curious how the sun card plays the image of a boy and a girl playing under the sun. To fallow symbolic layering. The english letter H, the lover(s) in russian is to the letter N. which is used as the strength card. Here classically shows the image of the feminine (moon) overpowering the sun. The lion. But here is given to the number 8. Letter Ж. A mirrored image of the letter K. As justice. And brought near the letter J as the chariot. Justice being blind. Cannot see its own reflection. And here number eight is brought in bounds to the tarot sequences as number 8 is given to justice. Or to waites strength as union or harmony. Which works in a way as justice is shown holding to seperate objects. Which being a number 1. And strenght shows the entanglement of the moon and the sun. But… waites lovers card. Shows the feminine overlayering the sword and the masculine overlayering the scales of balance. The angel in the sky above them serves as the negatikn dash connecting two 1s. Here there is no harmony. But a clash. An obstruction between them. The feminine and the serpent. And its reflection of the white horsemen and the spear killing the hell bound “masculine”. To fall inline with the letter Ф and the letter V. On number 22. Extinguishing the flames.

TemperaNce shows as the letter R and the russian letter Р. She’s pouring one vessel into another. Which is all good. Save that P in english is given to the hanged man. Temperance being a woman.

It would seem the purpose of the russian war supported by the latin alphebet by the americans serves a purpose of its putpetuayion for as long as possible. Considering the high general of the russian forces was given to a young man in his thirties suggests a long ongoing war that may last decades. This forces russian symbolism of its reformed alphabet on the peoples of the americas. Part of the dialogue. I was discussing in the last deleted post. Playing on the tussina war machine using alphabetical symbols foreign to their own alphabet. Letters Z, V, and letters O and X. As for the media sayign. Nations placimg a ban on displaying the letter Z. As a criminal offence. It not being a native letter of their own alphabet.

What if it was?

Co sidering the americas canada included are the nations of the moon and the russian/chinesse connection being the nations of the sun. Rising sun. As russia is still a baby considering its reformation from a dictatorial political state into a democracy that works very similarly to the united states.

Astologically speaking they would be a first quarter nation and the americas a second quarter nation. Producing a square. Of conflict.

Тоже доже, Доже тоже. Also god. God too.

Here in this post we find ingredients to be placed in the makings of another card. Russian is a very dificult language. But shows strong similarities to the latin alphabet used predominantly in the western sphere of life. It holds strong traces of english and french and various other languages that it absorbs into its culture. A conglomerate.

And thoughts of adding a hammer and a scythe into the script isn’t a gain of representing a dictatorial state. As has been pushed upon them in changing their flag. To the now red, white and blue. The same three colours of the american flag. But on the contrary, the hammer and scythe images binds the industrial to the agricultural. As well as duty and responsibility for active production for growth and sustainment. It also brings added associations to the court. And if the tower was to be modeled after a nail. Or an anvil. Shows other sognificant associations to the ise of a hammer. As well as the scythe to the empress card and the domain or Дом meaning the home. Personal responsibilty of relying on oneself, hard work discipline for survival and not solely relying on hand outs. As the tarot encourages. With its aces.

The first cloud portent ive ever recorded. Near 20 years ago. Was the russian image of the hammer amd the scythe, and a syringe, this preceding the actual start of the war with ukraine about rights and the survival of the self agaisnt what was lost to them. Thoigh i am not advocating any disposition of heresy or treason. Just the facts as ive learned them.

When the devil moves against you. God is there to let you know the truth. Its a factual statement to my experience. And if i wear a crucifix, it isn’t pro BS warped in the minds of the commoners. To the belief of ultimate suffering to the bringing out of an internal Jesus. I dont think anywhere in the bible does it say anything about suppressing feminine sexuality. Seems to me all it stated in the old testament. Is to stay true to ones higher self. To the conscience. For the second that line is crossed. A king dies. No leniency what so ever. Hard core militant christians. Sicken me. Those judgemental coksukrs. But im off topic an dbeing opinionated. And i dont hild to opinions. What o say today may differ from i say tomorow. Personaly. I find the hindues truer than the christian to the state of sanity, of good mental health.

As a canadian. I can say that flag. Is a matter of debate. A dead, dying, fallen leaf off a tree surrounded by red. Supposeldy representing the oceans. Of blood. Canada being named after a native village or hut or whatever. Isnt a far fetch from a tortured jesus on a stick and the down fall of the home. One cant say that death is a beautiful thing after ome tortured their entire family. And if that was the case then why has there been such complications when dealing with natibe american peoples? Not that far off in history. Where it becomes a criminal act to purchase from them to save on being taxed. Or as the war on marijuana, as a criminal offense while still being able to order from a magazine sold in most stores.

Ive never seen god’s eyes. But ive seen the devil’s. He lives here on earth, meddling with every level.

So, i hold no loyalty. Or trust in anything. Im a dying red leaf in perpetual fall. Because i know the snows are coming. And there nothing that can be done about it. And so i pray to the warmth of the sun. Whomever, and where ever she may be.

Or some bs like that.

Anyway, theres some truth hidden in there somewhere. Maybe you’ve already glimpsed it while reading. And while being born in hell, life is a waste of time. And im still the same person i was 30 years ago. Nothing in me as changed. Neither do i want it to. Because i know i am right. If i wasnt god wouldnt be there helping me. I did name my guitar jesus. As a teenager. Even though i couldnt never play it. I knew what ive done. And the family did nothing but torture me for decades. Killed my pets. Broke my eggs. Beat me up drug me up. … the list goes on. And after being abused by fags, and lowlives. And femmenists. And straights, they raped my psyche, called me a fag and gave me a desease. And to the nations atheists, to be loathed for believing in god. And even though one of the cloud portents showed me id die an old man. I have no faith in that i will.

I am not. A diviner i dont even dream. It could have meant anything. Or it could have already transpired. It does fit what already happened. Sleeping under the rising of the sun. I dont know. If i need meds for the rest of my life. Its quality is alreasy dirt poor.

Ugh. Again with the bs.

[wildlycuriouswanderercj]

Its been a while since i vented. I only vent when i need to let go of heavy baggages. Like a pile of shit in my chest. Idk if aum likes me. She out there with jonny in bangkok. With her friends. Theyre drinking. She doesnt call me. She looks like shes having rhe time of her life. Happy. Thats great. Thabks jonny of taking care of her. But personal i dont like that. I rather have her just wait st pattaya like a real girlfriend. And not go out drinking. She didnt have to go. Why her. Natapon couldve went. Why it had to be her. Why she making fun videos with jonny in the same room. Why is she seem so happy. Why she dont call me. Why she only ask what im doing and dont tell me what she doing. Why. Why so i even care. I dont like her. Shes too big for me. Her wnergy is good. But shes not the match for me. I think imma let her go. Its ok if we can still be friends. But i think im done with her. Im not jealous. Im not angry. Im kinda of sad. I want to do some muay thai. I think im going to stay in pattaya. Or im going to koh samui. I dont want to go home. Im going to save much money and live out here much as possible. I dont care about a silly tradtional dinner. Its my life. Its my last time i might be out. Im not going back until i use up all my money and more. I dont care about my credit. I just need to relieve my shit in my chest. I thought she csred sbout me. Im at these few days were i feel the most lonely ive ever been. Past month i been so fill with people. Today i meet yan and izaya. It was fun listening to and talking sbout japanese culture anime and songs and showing them thailand. But in the end im alone. And im sad. I need some company. The time i need company rhe most i dont have anyone to share with me. Its 3 in the morning. Cant sleep. But ill try. Tmrw i go eat more laksa. Because thsts my favorite. I wont post anymore on ig. Im done with ig. I dont care unless its somone tryig. To contact me. Which thwres nobody to really contact. Maybe we go see alien eye girl. Maybe not. She kind of freak me out. Tmrw we go for a run. Then a workout. The. We go eat laksa. We get in shape this year. We get smart. We est fish. We get fast. And we live well alobe. We need to take care of ourspeves. We can only rely on our own company. We dont need anybody else. We dont want to reply to anybody. Anyone. We dont need anyone. We have ourselves. Thats all. We only eat good. No. Tmrw we go eat poke. We only est dry food from now on. Bread. Pasta. Salad. Fish. Kura kura is ok. We will no longer reply ro aum. We are finish. She wasnt there for me these few days. She make me worry during tike i neeed company the most. I needed someone to talk to. She wasnt there during these most critical times. When school starts in 3 days or 2. I wont have the time to be lonely. Ill be busy. So busy i dont have time for anybody. Not for love. Not for anybody. Just me and the spirits and lessons. After this 4 weeks. We go back to soi 7. We get our roght chest done. We dont drink for a day. We go pattaya at night. We get the piece done the morning of. We dont drink that day. We go and simple relax at the beach in jomtien where nobody is. We just chill. We drink coconuts and eat at terminal 21. Becuade thats our favorite chill time. We go find a gym. We work out. We lift. We relieve ourselves we get fit. We just strong. We go shopping. We got buy expensive necklace for protection. We go visit our friend in big buddha. We pray to the gods for protection and guidance. We give back to the great society of thailand. We stay in pattaya until tatto is finish healing. On the 6 or 7 we leave to koh samui. And thatll be that. We dont want to go home. We dont need to go home. Home is not where we belong. I need to live my life my way. I need to become my pwn adult. I need to take responsibilities for my only life. We dont not need to chade fame. We just need to know oursleves. Life live life outside our comfort zone. Live below our means. And ask marco if we can borrow 3k. Or 2k. We go koh samui we race we love. We meet and see new places. And we go koh tao

[pathologising]

being ugly so crazy I want to throw myself in front of a bus rn

[aaa-vixx-aaa]

*

[humbugg]

Dont you just love when ur dyeing ur hair and everything looks like its gonna turn out then u wash it and then one small section still shows the color it was before :)

[anacrea]

feel like shit and its like eating me alive rn lol

[is-that-another-soulmate-au]

Zukka Soulmate AU part 9

@mypureessence

@chaoticidiott

@ari-shipping-stuff

@knightedbot

@idkhowbutimgayer

@swampy-beans

@angrylittleintrovert

Kurt was only out for about 15 minutes but that was long enough for Tarren and Fin to get him to the back on one of the spare cots. The gaang besides Iroh and Jee stayed to see how things went down, all gathered in the room reading maps and planning their trip while Lily paced back and forth muttering to herself before she threw her hands in the air

"Why wouldnt he tell us!?" She shouted

"I dont know Lily" Tarren said while he dabbed a cold towel on Kurt's forhead

"I mean, he could see the scars the three of us share! Why... why wouldnt he say anything!?"

"I'm sure he had a good reason Lily, I mean, how did you guys even know you had a third soulmate?" Katara asked with a small tilt to her head.

The duo both placed their hands to their chests instinctively. "Well, we didn't always know, but one day we both collapsed in the middle of a shift,"

[Flashback when? Flashback now!]

"Of course Miss Jin, Grey with honey and two sugars at 3 pm sharp just like every other Friday" Lily smiled while handing the girl her cup of tea she made for her at the exact same time every single friday evening. Jin was a favorite.

"How are you and Tarren?" Jin asked with a smile which made Lily blush

"Hah. We're doing alr-" suddenly Lily lost her breath from a blunt pain in her chest. "Tarren" she wheeled out just before letting out a yelp and clutching her chest "Tarren!"

"Lily!" Tarren's voice called out from the other sid of the Library followed by the sound of scrolls falling to the ground

The two scrambled to eachother with Jin following Lily and Fin rushing out from the back with paperwork to see what was happening. The pair crashed into eachother and held onto the others arms "what happened?" Lily cried out "whats going on. It burns, oh Gods it burns Tarren"

"I- I dont know" Tarren when to unclip his uniform, shucking off the top shirt before ripping the underdress to reveal painful bubbling skin in the shape of a hand and spreading across his chest and up to his neck down past where he managed to rip down to.

"There's a third" Jin said with a gasp

"Whoever they are theyre in trouble" Fin said bluntly while turning to Jin "Jin do you mind running to get the medic? I have to stay with them and they can't move" he gestured to their shivering crying forms.

"Are they dying?" Lily managed to wheeze out between sobs of pain

"No, this isnt direct, its just an- oh right" he nearly forgot that Lily watched her parents killed in a similar way "Lily, trust me, the third in the trio is not dying, they're being hurt, but they aren't dying"

Lily nodded, the pain lasted for a good 20 minutes before slowly dying down and feeling like it was being treated on all ends.

[Flashback over]

Katara gave a small frown "I wonder what happened to him"

"Ill tell you if you help me sit up" Kurt said with a small cough. Sokka who had been sitting near him but was lost in a map with Zuko looked up

"Oh, the munchkin awakens!"

"The... what?" Kurt laughed out

"Ignore him, he's stupid sometimes" Katara said as she helped Kurt sit up and put a pillow behind his back. "How did you get burned if you dont mind me asking?

Kurt gave a sigh and looked to Sokka and Zuko "well, honestly its probably a similar story to mr princey over there"

Zuko tensed "how do you know who I am... and you don't know how I got this"

"I do" Aang said with his hand raised "well, kinda, I think it was your da- mphf!" Zuko shut Aang up with his hands on his mouth

"Shut up, now is not about me or how I got my scar, its about short stack over there"

"Shortstack!? Okay, now that was just rude. But I got this burn from my dad, he wasn't great and had no position to even justify his abuse against me and my mom." He brought his hand to his necklace with a small frown

"He caught me hanging out by a small pond with an earth boy named Haru and was convinced I was a traitor for doing so. He lectured be when he got me home by slamming me against the door and burning me"

he looked up to Tarren and Lily "I didn't tell you, and I always hid my scar because I'm scared hes going to find me again, after he left for the war my mom fell ill and died, so I ran away to my Pappy and he's sick right now so I don't know how long I have with his protection." He gave a sigh "I dont want him to find me and know that you two are my soulmates because he'll hurt you to get to me. And I cant let you get hurt..."

Lily put her hand on her chest with a frown "I'm sorry Kurt, I had no idea. But now that we know I hope you understand we won't let anyone hurt you or us."

"And that includes me" Fin said from the doorway "you've got two master earthbenders and a vigilante assassin on your side now"

"Woah, woah, vigilante assassin?" Toph piped up "Lily is an assassin!? That's so cool!" She marched right up to her and jabbed her finger in her direction "I dont know you too much but I do know that I like you!"

Lily flushed a bright red and rubbed the back of her neck awkwardly "hah, thanks? Wait are you a beifong?"

"Sure am!"

"I didnt know the beifongs had a daughter, let alone a daughter teaching the avatar earthbending" Lily said with a smile

"Yeah, well they didn't think I was strong enough because I cant read" Toph gave a shrug

"I could teach you sometime" Lily offered

"Im blind missy" Toph said with a cackle

"I know" Lily giggled "We have Braille books, I can teach you to read braille if you want to"

"Braille?"

"Instead of ink on the pages there are raised dots in patterns to make the letters, numbers and words, Fin and his wife managed to invent it ten years ago because Fin's best friend is blind and he wanted to send him letters, but it isn't too popular yet sadly"

Toph stood there for a moment before saying anything "wait... are you telling me there's a way I can read?"

"Yeah! Its more commonly on paper but Tarren and Fin use earthbending to write it out much faster on stone tablets, its much less wasteful. But for nonbenders like myself thats not really an option, so I write with the paper and the pressing tools."

Sokka piped into the conversation with a quick jump to his feet "can you teach me too? I want to know how to write in a way that she can read" he had a determined look on his face and sound in his voice that caught everyone off guard

"I... didnt realize you cared?" Katara said with a confused look

"Of course I care Katara! I probably care too much sometimes, I care about every single one of you," he looked around "did... did you really think I didnt care?"

Aang looked at Katara and then at Sokka "she probably only thought that because you show care differently than her, I know you care, I mean you've managed to keep us all together and solve our problems, youre a uh... solve it kinda care... if thats a type"

Everyone looked at Aang befote Lily gave a small laugh "you sound like Fin, he's really caring for sure but you have to understand him to notice his love language." Lily paused "but teaching you both will take a while, even just teaching Toph here, who I assume has never been taught anything about letters and words on pages. I'm guessing you lot are traveling to stop the war?"

"You bet!" Aang said with a cheeky grin

"Well you could easily travel with them and teach them all, you and Tarren both" Kurt suggested

"Im not going anywhere without you" Lily said whil jabbing a finger towards him and leaning down close to him "I promised to protect you, and I will"

"Then how about you all come with us! We can all learn braille! I mean I'm already teaching Aang waterbending, Toph is teaching Aang earthbending. And hopefully Zuko and Iroh will teach him firebending so a new writing language should be good for all of us!" Katara said with excitement clear in her voice

It only took a bit of convincing to have Kurt join but it took a good 20 minutes worth of convincing Fin to let Tarren and Lily travel around while Fin ran the library with the help of Jin who stepped up to take over the pairs roles in the library.

But before leaving Lily showed Sokka the braille pressing tools so he could get a quick idea of the way they worked before packing up a good amount of paper and tools so she could teach them. On the road. Tarren would help Toph with hers for stone given they're both earthbenders.

Once they started packing up their own belongings Toph walked into Lily's room with a small knock "hey, you almost ready petty steps?"

"Pretty steps? Uh, yeah I just have to find a good place to put this" she moved her hand a bit with a wooden mask facing up

"What is that?"

"Its my assassin mask, its got a white base, think warm wind. Two black marks, think of cold night ponds stretching from the side tips of her nose, above the brow bone and getting much thicker before going up and becoming two horns. The eye holes and the lips are both dark red, think of the warmth of a summer evening sunset."

Toph stood in the doorway "I didnt need the description but that kind of makes colors interesting"

"Really?"

"No"

The two laughed at the bluntness but then Lily shrugged "I guess your right, I didnt need to describe it, but I wanted to anyways" she held the mask for a second before packing it away "it's from my sisters favorite spirit fable. 'Lady of the sunset pond' she had my mama read it to us every night" Lily reached to her necklace and held the roght ash stone.

"Sounds like they hold a special place to you"

"Yeah, they do"

"What happened to them?" Toph asked while leaning against the wall

"We don't have the time to unwrap another story today" Lily gave a small laugh while she set her bag down "besides I need to change before we go, can't leave in a work uniform you know, not really meant for traveling" she moved towards Toph and gave a small bow "thank you for accepting to learn braille from me"

Toph smiled shortly but then punched Lily's arm earning a confused 'ow' to which she responded "thats how I show affection"

"Ah, thats an interesting way to show it" Lily laughed "now I best be getting changed, mind stepping out? I know you see with earthbending, I've seen Tarren train without sight before so I can recognize it"

Toph laughed and stepped out "whatever Pretty steps"

Once everyone was changed and packed they all let on loading up Appa and preparing to fly to the next place. The ragtag group of 4 traumatized kids was suddenly a ragtag group of 8 traumatized kids and 2 wise old men traveling on a flying bison with a small mischievous lemur. What a busy two days huh?

[bloodanddiscoballs]

so I looked at a car to buy yesterday and im suuuuper interested in a Subaru Outback! I've got time to continue to save up which is nice cause basically they don't have any cars actually available to purchase unless you want a used one but the used cars are literally going for close to double a new car. the only hangup is that you have to be ok with waiting like 2-3 months to get a car. if you need a car right away you're literally paying for the "luxury" of getting one now and are gonna pay extra for it. I would be saving almost $9000 by simply waiting which is wild. so I'm gonna get a new car eventually which is VERY exciting. the waiting period is working out for me tho cause now I just get more time to squirrel away money so that way I can pay of the loan faster once I take it out. they did say that they aren't offering any financial incentives which does suck and the guy told me to wait to look at loans until they have the car shipped to the lot cause he said those are fluctuating like crazy right now too. I can't put an order in for the model I want right now tho cause the window is closed. they have only so many slots for building each model of car so hes gonna check wvery day and call me the second that window opens up. apparently the dealerships can't order cars period unless you put a down-payment on it. the manufacturers have to know that the car they're making as actually gonna be going to a person and not just to sit at a dealership. the guy even said that the manufacturer will call me too to verify that yes I've put down that $500 and that this car is for me. now I don't have to end up buying that car IF I don't like it after it come in and I see it and test drive it. I'll just get my deposit back basically. but if I do like it that $500 goes towards my payment for the car. they literally don't even have cars for you to test drive it's wild. but because they dont have that slot opem roght now for me to order the car I want, he was very nice and said I can just tell him all the specs over the phone since it's difficult for me to sit there for too long cause of my disability. I appreciated that he was very accommodating cause most people in general are not but especially when it comes to any kind of service. so hopefully this fall I'll have a car!!!

[modellmc]

Sleep evades me once again. This is my stepdad and my best friend of 18 years. He suddenly got 4th stage #braincancer so short ago and hes now in hospice care. He can't move or speak or understand what is going on. I'm not doing okay. I am just crying and a general mess. I #love him so much and he has a week at the very most. I saw him today and many times prior since he's been in the hospital and now in hospice. It's not him anymore. I don't know how to do this... I have lost many close loved ones and have had an insanely traumatic life but this pain is beyond compare. I'm not sure I know how to be human right now or be anything but falling apart. I don't know how to get through this alone. He's gone from the #happiest most #positive man to someone who is simply existing in a #catatonic state and he doesn't deserve to suffer so much. His time is up. I love him so much and I hope he's not in too much pain. He can't speak so I dont know. I am so lost. But still honored to have him around for all these years. Im so #grateful I was able to have such an amazing man in my life who made everything okay always. There is no distraction strong enough for this. Im just #happy that I fully appreciated him. Joined at the hip. I can't hold myself together and I'm the strongest person I know. Roght now... I'm useless to anyone. This is wrecking me... but once he is out of pain it will be the best thing for him and that's ultimately what I want. I'm being torn in about a thousand ways but nothing can be done now. I just want for him to be out of his misery. Loving someone so much that you feel how much they hurt... I understand that now. I'm so scared of what life will look like once he's gone. #Cancer is a beast and no one is impervious. He's my everything. What does someone do when they lose their everything? Simply survive? I miss him already so much. Lesson: be real with people. You never know when you'll lose your last chance to say what you mean. #cancerawareness #fucancer #nogames (at San Diego, California) https://www.instagram.com/p/BprAfaMhcSL/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=qnmkot6au03t

[ladyjenise]

More Random Last Jedi Thoughts

I liked Hux way more than I thought I was going to, and even more the second watch.

When he is asking the tech at the start if Poe can hear him, and Hux is like “oh, he can” I just lost it. That guy just nailed him this time around. I know he didnt get much screen time before, and not much more this time around, but what they showed you really got a sense of a few things about Hux’s character, mostly that as much as he is a huge, fascist asshole, he’s dangerously capable and loyal.

He shows his loyalty by just taking Snoke’s abuse in front of everyone. Not that he could fight back but you dont even see him considering it. He just looks like a sad puppy who let dad down. Contrast that with Kylo roght after, who dared to actually fight back (and gets zapped for it).

Later, Hux looks absolutely distraught that Snoke is dead. He’s not relieved or even plotting. Even when Kylo first tries to give orders, Hux isnt even like “Im Supreme Leader!”, he’s like “We dont have a leader because our leader is dead wtf” and that’s when Kylo’s like “look at me im the supreme leader now”

Where Hux shows he’s capable is in the Battle of Crait. If Hux had led, the Resistance/Rebels absolutely would have been wiped out maybe even before Rey and Chewie got there. Instead, Kylo fucking loses his mind and makes a bunch of emotional blunders, wasting time chasing after Rey and Luke instead of just trashing the Resistance base.

Hux is an irredeemable asshole and a dangerous one and thats why he was so much fun to watch here. Also, “General Hugs” 😂

[joons-jk]

bias tag game 😚❤️🙆🏽😍😜😭

i was tagged by @virjin, thank u!!!!!!!! ily 😭😘

im tagging: @17pjm @43hy @7eon @ahoneyyboy @anxoai @blackpinklesbian @bts420 @jihhyo @jiminsesposa @jiminaruto @nahqam & literally every1 else 😭 mutuals pls interact

rules: write down the last 15 tags u associated with your bias 🌷

FIRSTABLE i dont have a bias, i have 7, i literally have never and could nevr choose a bias for bts😭, bts is my BIAS GROUP ok, BUT im gonna choose namjoon today ok 😚

1. #he's not flexing right? I wanna see him flex (LMAO)

2. #HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT

3. #MR MONSTER HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME

4. #why.... do i like you so much mr monster

5. #mr.baby

6. #IVE BEEN CRYING FOR 10 MINUTES NOW

7. #THATS MY BABY #LOOK AT HIM OH GOD IM CRYING

8. #HE'S SO BEAUTIFUL OH MY GOD #IM REALLY CRYING ROGHT NOW #HE'S SO PRETTY

9. #my baby is the whole package 🙆🏽

10. #my babymon ❤️🙆🏽

11. #HE LOOKS SO NICE WITH THAT HAIR STYLE AND COLOR OMG (his new peach hair omgggg😭)

12. #i wrote that caption (caption was ‘mom i love him’ asdhsgdhd)

13. #this is the most painful thing to look at im crying omfg 😞😭 (he was jus laying down omfg)

14. #baby 😻😍😍😍😘💞💓💞😍💞💓💓💞❤️💞😍

15. #TONITE AND ALWAYS WE ARE ALL IN LOVE WITH NAMJOON

wow mood

[alex-in-wonderlandd]

Honestly i wish i could disappear. I feel so fucking useless and im a complete ass CLOWN for thinking that you fucking care about me still when you dont. At all. And it hurts. Its almost as of overnight you fucking just. Stopped. Why? I dont understand? Just a few days before you got angry with me for something as trivial as waking you up. We were completely fine, if not more than that. It really seemed like it was that “head-over-heels” type of love. And you want to know why i think that? Because you fucking told me it was that. I dont think you remember at all though. The little things you would say to me while you were half asleep in my room.

And you say you left because its whats best for both of us. Thats not true. You dont know whats best for me and my happiness at all. Its not a decision for you to make. You only care about yourself. And i guess that i didnt make you happy enough and i was a tie you had to cut. But im not allowed to be upset over that am I? It seems to you that im not supposed to allow myself to be sad and grieve. But it also seems like i would be marked as a whore andca bitch if im happy and trying to move on right? (Dont worry. Im not though.)

I wanted you to be happy i really did but. Now i think i want you to hurt. Because you shattered me. And you know you did. And now you’re picking up the pieces from the mess youve created of me and stronging them along a frayed red thread thats tied not to your little finger like in the old Japanese folktales. But to your ego.

Honestly fuck you for saying that you love me and that you dont want this break between us to be permanent. Fuck you for saying that you’re probably going to come back. Fuck you for saying that you care about me and that you’re still always going to be here for me. Because you know what. I was drowning that week and when i tried to approach you about it, i was suddenly inconsiderate and it was the last straw for you or whatever and you? Left? Me? During my time of need.

And god i cant even tell you how your selfish timing fucked me over. Not only did you make me drive all the way across town so you could break up with me in person and waste my time, but you really had to do it to me right before my big finals. Before my first shift with my new promotion at work that same night. And roght before summer. So i cant even distract myself with school or friends because everyone is busy with their summer classes, traveling, or work. The 3 friends i do have cant always be there. And i dont even get the opportunity to attempt to make more.

And whats even shittier is the fact that im stupid enough to believe that you’re going to check up on me like ive been checking up on you. I dont know why ive been so fucking nice to you when all youve done to and for me is break my heart, and then get mad at me after we broke up for asking for a little more clarity as to why. You get in my face and tell me that im not listening to you. I am fucking listening but it dosent make any sense?

Seriously how does that make any sense?

“Im breaking up with you because i love you”

What?

No you dont. You obviously dont.

And you shouldn’t have lied about it.

Because all that did was confuse me and hurt me more and here we are a little over two weeks later and i think the wound thats bleeding tonight is deeper and bloodier than the original cut you made when you cut me off.

But it dosent even matter because im not allowed to be hurt over our breakup am i? I bet you the second that i go out with another male friend thats not a safe boy like matthew or will or my two male friends at work or someone you see as a “threat” you’re gonna get all butthurt because im trying to “move on” or whatever right?

Why do you care? Its not like im going to throw my superego out the window and give into some carnal instinct that kicks in and fuck the first guy i see to get over you. Thats not who i am. Thats not what i want. But even if it were, you dont get tobe angry about it because you were the one who left me. You ask if im seeing anyone new the few times weve talked. You claim you’re just trying to “check on me and my life” but quite frankly asking me that one week after we break up at 11:00 at night because i “seem like im doing fine and having fun with my dudes” seems more like an attack.

But did i let it slide? Yeah.

Why did i let it slide?

Because im a fool for still being in love with you and fucking myself up over it.

and you know what else? I dont even know what to do with your things. I have a trillion photos of us. I have your clothes; a hoodie, 3 shirts, your belt, and strangely enough a pair of your boxers. I remember you brought an extra pair to disneyland the first time we went together and you let me wear them after my pants got soaked on splash mountain. I bet you don’t remember that though.

I have the chest you made me only a month ago on our one year. With the glass rose inside of it that you gave to me and insisted that you would love me until it broke. Well there dont seem to be any fractures so i guess that was just a lie too right? And i have the jar you made for me on my birthday with all the nice notes in it.

I packed them up the night before you left because i already knew in my gut what was about to happen, and when i presented them to you after the fact you cried. You told me to hold on to them just in case. And honestly i should have just threw them off an overpass. But i still have them. Because theyre too special to me to destroy because nobody has ever treated me as kindly as you have. (Until now i thought you were an angel. I really did.)

But i also cant stand to look at them without breaking down.

I really dont think youd be able to comprehend what youve done to me. Ive lost about 12 pounds in a 2 week period. Because i just feel absolutely sick to my stomach. And you know what? You made me throw up. In my 11 years of having nausea for what I thought was no reason up until senior year when i was diagnosed with anxiety and gastritis and emetophobia. Ive never actually thrown up unless i was sick with a stomach bug or on an airplane. But you... you made me throw up for the first time out of anxiety and heartbreak and panic. Despite all the drugs ive been doing to make myself feel better like the bottles of antacids and the cases of ginger beer and even prescription medication that was supposed to guarantee I wouldn’t vomit. I did anyway.

My stomach is flatter than it used to be. I remember you told me you would help me get my summer body and i was so excited at first. And you did help me get it. But my heart is broken and id rather have the food baby back and feel disgusted by my appearance and happy than looking fit and feeling...

How am i feeling?

Im a little bit depressed. Im a little relieved. Im nauseated, obviously. Im starving but i cant eat because two bites make me feel full even if im still hungry. Im angry. Im empowered though too because this has been hard for me and im still standing i guess.

But above all im feeling foolish because for some twisted, fucked up reason.

I still love you. And i miss you more and more each day.

Maybe im a masochist. I stayed with the actual spawn of satan for like 2 years. He hurt me. He disrespected me and my body for the longest time. He turned all my friends against me. I was so desperate to get out of that situation, but i didnt. I wanted to so bad. But i was so scared to leave. Maybe i do this to myself subconsciously because id rather be miserable in a relationship than alone.

But we weren’t miserable. We really weren’t.

You dont deserve my love anymore though. You practically cheated on me and i forgave you. You blew up and got angry at me for the smallest an most trivial matters like movie times and jokes in bad taste. I check on you still whenever you post something about wanting to disappear or feelig like crap. I check on you even when you dont post that stuff and ask you how your finals are going and if your family is doing ok.

And that makes me 🤡 of the day because I think that youll check on me too but you wont. Im drowning and you’re standing over me in a life raft just watching.

I just wish i could get closure.

But you know what? Actually i think i get it now.

I love you. But i need to get away from you.