#DO YOU GET OT DO YOU UNDERSTAND
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you don’t understand man you don’t underSTAND it’s about emizel telling soda to run the second he was put in proper danger it’s about soda refusing to even though he was already hurt because that’s his friend. it’s about soda reaching for emizel it’s about emizel immediately looking at soda even with the vampire’s teeth in his neck it’s about emizel pulling himself back from the brink of a frenzy because that’s soda. it’s about “i’m not leaving you, man!” it’s about “i told you to run.” do you hear me does anyone hear me
#jrwi#jrwi the suckening#fizzfangs#mouse mumbles#DO YOU GET OT DO YOU UNDERSTAND#THEY ARE BANDAGING EACH OTHERS BLOODY KNUCKLES DO YOU HEAR ME
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it’s so funny that anya and daisuke are always drawn together n ppl act like they’re close cuz thru the course of the game almost every time there’s any Group Discourse jimmy is the one who sides with anya against swansea and daisuke. anya and daisuke’s relationship is mostly nonexistent but we do see her and jimmy being mostly very cordial with each other. idk. i’ve been thinking abt it a lot cuz i’ve just been replaying and rewatching and trying to pin things down for myself. it’s a little disheartening tbh that all of these characters are constantly mischaracterized by the loudest people in the fandom cuz it’s creating this whole society of people who played a different mouthwashing than the one i did. and whats REALLY so fuckin funny abt all this is that more ppl are shipping jimcurly and apparently THAT’S where all of the “media literacy” problems are coming from. like, no, i understood all the beats of the game just fine and i love all of it. i just also wanna see two guys who suck for each other fuck about it
#mouthwashing#like no i dont have a media literacy issue. you however might bc you missed that everyone on the tulpar is a victim#the game reaffirms time and time again that CAPITALISM is thr big bad and not jimmy. jimmy is a victim as much as he’s an awful person#shipping has. so little to do with understanding thr themes and symbolism and motifs in the game LOLLLLL#this game is NOT just about jimmy being a rapist and anya being his victim#jimmys misogyny is also extremely overblown by the fandom#his thoughts abt anya are wholly misinterpreted as Simple Hate rather than the complicated bundle of shit it is#anya is also more than a rape victim and boiling her down to her assault is fucking insane#but yeah man. the people minding their own business shipping xyz are wrong#and you with your fandom addled brain are completely correct actually. youre better than me (Sarcasm.)#like guys. curly used the same manipulation tactic on jimmy that was used on him to get him onboard#these characters r so much more than a rape drama soap opera n its so fucked that its been boiled down ot that#YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO FEEL HUMAN PATHOS FOR JIMMY.#jonah.txt#mw txt
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I hate the stretch lines in the front of Curly's uniform because that means the devs rushed to make a model in like a month or so and thought "They gotta at least know he has huge knockers, gotta know he's got back pain." Cause like what is the thematic importance of his tits having overhang?
What responsibility is that representing? Breast reduction? It shows an inherent greed in his character due to the excess and heshouldletmeholdone and that he clearly is blinded cause if he tries to look down his damn ladder all he's seeing is his own cleavage.
#this is my curly slander post ig#disclaimer i need you to understand i see all fictional men i like as like butches Curly is no exception#but like they didnt need to add that many polygons to his chest like its unnessary and honestly a little mean he already has so many things#to handle and you expect him to hold those boys up like that just aint right this is like something so stupid but i know you can tell im#having strong feelings about it cause like what was the point why did they survive the fucking crash it has to be a injoke at this point#with the devs it shouldnt make me this mad im turning into a misandrist but only towards large chested men#mouthwashing#curly mouthwashing#shitpost#suggestive#ig because this is just about his chest but like also they made him objectively pretty for no reason like yeah like ideal man and work ig#but they went over the extra mile like i have a right to be mad they did that much for a model we see canonically for like two seconds its#crazy actually how little we see of curly pre crash because we also lose his physical movements to help characterize him the way we see#body language with the other characters and how it gives way to their struggles and personalities and sentiments in certain moments#like all he does and how he emotes is stifled by the fact we always play as him until the last moments where he takes over to try and save#the ship and crew and even right before that the scene is so wrought with tension we cant tell what that look he gave Jimmy meant due to#the limitations of the models and how stiff Curly is like was it fear acceptance denial we dont know enought about how he acts himself#to tell and then everything else is charaterized by what Jimmy had done to where we dont really just get to see Curly as himself like Anya#and Swansea and Daisuke we have no idea how theyd act in a regular moment outside of a few glimpses and even then it is them doing#their jobs like grrrr we hate an unreliable narrator but also its the fact jimmy clearly does not interact with them or try to outside of#his position as copilot and then captain harkening back to the entire capitlist view of utility and how he views all of them as useless eve#Curly which fandom tangent the fandom also tends to do to Curly as they base every trait on what they think he failed to do as Captain#between Jimmy and Anya when the QnAs kinda make him out to be a rather open and willing person but still someone who isnt like a push over#just thinking of QnA three where it mentions hes very open to trying new things and you need to be an open minded person to open urself up#to failure like that and ig this is just the weird view that Curly needs to learn that or that theres redemption he needs personality wise#verses healing and learning from trauma like idk its the idea that people assume he did abosultely nothing when the games points out direct#and throught parallels he was taking actions its just wasnt enough and an over focus on absolute inaction vs ineffective methods used to#tackle the issues and themes the game grapples with plus wanting someone to take the blame and have to make it up to Anya even tho#i think it would mean nothing from Curly because she saw his efforts and would be disappointed it wasnt enough but the idea she would#disregard the attempts or not acknoweldge Jimmy as the epicenter compared ot Curly is weird and too focused on someone
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the difference between what people like on twitter vs what people like on tumblr from me is kinda mind blowing
#like this latest pic is the biggest discrepancy#people on twitter love it when i talk about the game or try to make a smart subtle commentary about it#but on tumblr people really dont seem to care or understand tf2 the game or rocket jumping or things like that- which is fine#thats why i have both#i just feel like I get more people who openly come and talk to me about that sort of thing here on tumblr#vs barely getting anything nearly as curious or engaged on twitter#yet the notes do be wilding for gaming stuff compared to here#i couldn't really tell you what does better on tumblr compared to twitter tho#but ye just interesting#i wonder what it is about twitter thats got more gaming people#its probably an age thing#this isn't me complaining btw i just see it a lot and i find it fascinating#by in large i'd assume the tumblr fanbase care more for the characters themselves and not the state of the game or how it feels to play it#Its nice to see two different sides ot a fanbase
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everytime there is a post going around about clothes I just have to sit in a corner a seethe. Watching a couple period movies does not make you an expert, fun fact.
#char.txt#first it was that one post about movie costuming that had zero understanding of construction skill or the purpose of any of the costumes#now this one about corsets jfc#do you think big chested women popped into existence in the past 40 years#support garments have existed for centuries. there are women today giving first have account of corsetry#as breast and back support#fashion trends will always have some amount of frivolity and excess because thats just humanity and the ways of society.#but tightlacing and painful corsets are not the norm. i just ugh#a designer said this and i think about it all the time that people think they know everything about clothes because they wear them#getting a shitty thin amazon corset does not make you an expert ot doesnt even make you a novice#whatever.
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⚠️ WARNING ⚠️
Heart rate has reached dangerous levels❗️
Initiating culling procedures.👁️🗨️
#Nyxus#Doe1#ebonytailsart#did you know that ‘nyxus’ is censored on roblox bevause of the xus part. what the hell#anyway i love you horror boy#i want to get more horror images drawn for him so my first art of him was this of course#copy pasted from twitter? :#I wanted to try drawing Nyxus’s “Tunnel Mode”#which is almost like a “second stage” boss form if you were looking at it from a game perspective#But this is what happens when his system reaches its limit (like getting overwhelmed with information)#which tales a LOT to get to#Shakes you shales you do you understand. that I need to draw him and keep working on his story#im going to get a carrd pro lite subscription after jan 28 bevause im so crazy i need to add every secret and lore into his carrd#ive already made so much progress and i hit carrd limits TWICE on two different sites#i cut his site into two just to get past ot and i still failed#(spins in a circle)#from kris p#i like this a lot so im posting it to main and then ill move it to my personal blog
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sillays :3
#obligitory i understand Feyd and Paul are shitty people but goddamn i am a gay warrior cats obsessed man to my core :3#loveeeee Chani's design so much#you can tell i have a favorite lmao#I feel like I didn't do enough to convey that Feyd and Paul are cousins but whateverrr#also not shaded because I was fuck ot we balling it and I wanted to get it done before school starts#I LOVEEEEEE chani's design#I've said that already but yeah#anyways I probably need a tag for this lmao#new dune followers.... meet the hyde to my dr. jekyll (/hj)#also analysis post IS COMJNG!! I've gotten to the Duke Leto section 👍#dune spoilers#dune wcs au#<- VERY loosely#fremen r probably a form of loners and the houses form clans#arrakis is a really sought-after territory#so on and so on#chani#paul atreides#feyd rautha harkonnen#chani kynes#dune fanart#dune 2024#dune part 2
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raises my hand i actually like the concept of a shitty parent getting better i just hate when its used to be like "im good now so you should forgive me."
people grow and change and hurt people!!! and those hurt people deserve to move on without having to forgive their abuser!!!
#this is why i get defensive when ppl make all sorts of reasons why rhinedottir did what she did#if she killed dorian for being imperfect then whatever!! i hate her for that but you dont have to#not only does it go with her little mental break that she 100% had lets be honest#it also fits the “Perfectionist” thing that the sinners were trying so hard to achieve#it MAKES SENSE#even if its nuanced that doesnt make it ok!!! but at the same time i dont think shes 100% stuck to being a terrible person nor do i think++#shes always been a bad mother#i think she was a great mother before everything went downhill and honestly if she gained a sense of apathy towards her kids itd MAKE SENSE#ofc im not saying this is true. im just saying its possible and it doesnt take away from her as a character#elynas is just as reliable a source as albedo dare i say!!! he was not in a strange mindset bc he wasnt corrupt like durin#the way he described her was valid. so was albedos when he said she threatened to leave him.#if the trauma from the cataclysm is what caused everything#that makes sense#but its not an excuse and it doenst mean she had some extra hidden reason for what she did. sometimes people are bad people!!! clearly she+#did SOMETHING right with albedo because he has a sense of morality. but even so you can TELL shes not a good mom EVEN TO HIM#i dont know where im going with this im getting turned around UHM#TLDR; shes a terrible mother. and a pretty bad person. but that doesnt mean im saying shes evil without nuance#it just means what it sounds like#plenty of parents fucking SUCK without meaning to. whether she cared or not she was still a pretty bad mother. thats all im saying#im willing ot talk about her but im NOT willing to have people argue that any of her children deserved what they got.#not albedo and NOT dorian.#elynas to dorian to albedo is a great pipeline for her as a character. which is why i like to believe elynas came first;#alfisol and dorian came close to last#and then albedo came last long after the others#every character has nuance however i am allowed to dislike them despite that#tzu rambles#that said i understand how it comes off as biased when i only talk about her children but unfortunately her children are the only reason i+#know about her at all. thye are my favorites and my content centers around them </3
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i need to get back into every au i have ever written , i say, and then i open it and go um no actually i think it ended just fine. it is time to write a Sequel
#god help me#the fic i am writing. auoooghh#you dont understand what it is like to be greeted with an au i made up when i was 12 and go mm. maybe im done with this part of it ?#and then move on to the sequel au that is the same thing but they got married#do you . understand also that . the sequel technically came first#like there is some weird shit to make it interesting bc i was 12#but ovreall it's really just. oh man oh MAN that little kid was suffering#so i just have so much... pain. collected and shared for the owlrd to see and the sequeal to ripping my heart#off of my sleeve and sticking it in an envelope for the internet st large ot read#is that they get married and gerard becomes a LIBRARIAn
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Being in a long distance relationship long term is so fucked up. For context for people in bigger countries I'm not talking flying distance from each other, I'm talking about 3 hrs apart on the train, so not that far arguably. But still far enough that our lives are almost completely separate in the practical sense, no matter how much we talk on the phone or meet halfway. When one of us stays over at the other's place we are still guests in each other's homes. I still don't know what cohabiting would be like and what a comfortable normalicy of being in each other's lives in person every day would be like. We're coming up to our 11th anniversary. I don't want to break up with him!!!! I love him deeply and I've never met someone I'm as compatible with as him. I've never been in love like this and I'm not easy to know, and yet he does know me and likes what he sees. I just feel I am stuck and I am frustrated that my sex life is like once every 3 months. I still don't even know how often we would have sex if we lived together, we haven't had the chance to find that rhythm. When we see each other there's no time to do any more involved stuff it's just getting off. Basically everytthing we've talked about has to stay in the realm of fantasy because there's never any fucking time.
I am trying I said to him- you need to do covering letters and things, you can't just send your CV that has never worked. He's the one who wants out of his current job, and out of his town, but applying for jobs is so fucking hard when you're working full time and trying to do things you love to not get fucking depressed. See I understand those things because I would feel the same way. If he moved here we could find a place together and I could find it out if I actually can live with someone else and stay mentally well. I'm getting too dependent on living alone in order to stay mentally well and it worries me.
Sorry to vent. I'm not looking for advice it's just venting.
#yeah it's embarrassing for a 34 yr old to go on about soul mates but i realy believe we are#i wouldn't be in this situation if we weren't really for real great together because i'm old enough to do right by myself#i can wait and in understand it's hard for someone neurodivergent to make big changes#it would be hard for someone neurotypical! so it must be even worse for him and it's so easy for him to get overwhelmed and crash emotional#as you can see from my rambles i have my baggage too like massive baggage#i worry though because he came to stay like 3 weeks ago for a few days and i was wound up and uncomfortable having a guest#even though it was him- i was hormonal so that could have been it but it's fucking scary#because you just think 'i wish i was alone in my own home right now doing my comfortable routine'#i'm stressing about washing extra dishes but my ocd requires that i'm always the one to wash them#i just want ot not be bothered and yet i feel like shit because i have no idea if it's always going to be like this or just a bad few days!#even though we have fun when we go out and stuff#the living together thing is really stressing me and i only have the last time it happened 3 months ago which i can barely remember#as reference for how i normally feel when he's here#ooooooof :(#fyi he doesn't want to do polyamory as is his right- it's not for everyone#and he has much more to lose in the dating/casual sex area than i would if i did it but i won't go into why
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oh yea i never did post that therion/temenos analysis bc it refused to get under 2k words but the crux of it was that therion is a very passive character to the point that not killing people is about the only choice he personally makes(even in their final argument, darius is the one who starts it and therion is just defending himself for the majority of it), otherwise he's always following someone else's orders, whether it be heathcote or barham and he fucking hates his job. temenos on the other hand is an intj empath with a savior complex who is extremely active, refuses to listen to anyone he doesn't respect which is all but one person who dies before the first chapter is over, and his job is his life's calling.
#c.paradisi#octoposting#theres more. my god is there more#imo the most illustrative comparison is therion's relationship with tressa#in contrast to temenos' relationship with ochette#as the two of them are both infantilized in similar ways although ochette does get it leagues worse#in his chapter 2 he interacts with her the way he does when he compares professions with anyone#like this does require you to understand that tressa and therion are Doing A Bit in his ch3/ch4#theyre doing a comedy skit where he owns her epic-style and shes like YOURE SO MEAN TO ME 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺#her banters in her own story with him make it clear she was never actually scared of him#and Doing A Bit is one of her skills. she uses it to cheer up him and alfyn in their ch4s.#therion is a jester. a jokester. he likes bickering but not arguing and will back down if youre actually mad at him#thats why he immediately stops in her earlier banters when she tells him to shut the fuck up and means it#hes calling her a brat to give her a setup to go Now Listen Here Buddy#as opposed to temenos who does not see ochette as a person. she is not sentient to him#their entire dynamic is him treating her like an actual toddler#god forgive me im about to sound like the ot wiki but his relationship with ochette#is most similar to primroses' with tressa. who also treats her like a literal toddler#altho in primroses case the problem is misogyny(tressa is 18. have you ever met an 18 year old who didnt know what sex was.)#while temenos' is racism(doesnayone else remember hte fucking human language one)
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#i made a very big mistake#very very big#while being a drunken idiot#ive fucked up so many times while drunk i should have never taken anyones word for ot that i could get better after the first one#i knew ot then i know it now im a giant worthless piece of shit and i fucked up so bad#and im so grateful it wasnt worse#every single person there should literally never talj to me again i would understand i deserve it#ill never drink again ill never do any of this over again i promise please can i still be saved#i know i cant and im so sorry i thought i could im so stipid and so selfish for ever thinking i could just be around other people with no#consequences i knew i was fucked i knew it but i thought i could get better if i tried and tried and tried my hardest#i know now i know now please i cant be in this state of pretending everything is fine i know i ruined it please just#just tell me what would be enough to fix it#twll if nothing is enough to fix it#i can never drink again i can never speak to you again i can pay for it all i can hurt myself so bad ill never forget it ill do whatever#it is you ask just please ask and stop pretending its okay its not okay im so sorry i cant do this
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my cat when i try to get him to lay on my arm: why are you attacking me. fuck you. im leaving.
my cat when i lay the full weight of both legs on him: this is awesome im so content and have 0 desire to move
#hes so funny but also so cruel. why can we snuggle near my head why are you so obsessed w my feet...#i literally have belatedly realized thst i was fully kicking him half awake half asleep and even then he ddint care.#once i was like fully shoving my feet underneathe him#but try to get him to lay on my forearm? not even particularly close to my body? he will leave my room for at least an hour in protest#posting#tbh i think its in a similar vein as that post about cats understanding accidents ot whatever. i think he tolerates the kicking and stuff bc#he knows im not doing it on purpose. or whatever
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re: those tags
like when i tell u catholic guilt and generational repression is alive and well in new england. includign and maybe even especially among the agnostic bc that's when it's the most prevailing in the sense that it goes especially un-deconstructed when its just cultural, social, when it isn't handed down trhough literal firsthand institutional dogmatic indoctrination, but the schoolyard kind. when i try to tell ppl i the matt damon/ben affleck thing makes perfect sense actually and try to connect the dots to nathaniel hawthorne and herman melville i sound like charlie day but i'm begging please listen. have u ever heard chris fleming describe what it's like to grow up in massachusetts
#why do u think i'm LIKE this#SOB😭😭#slowly cultivating a theory that u have to have a specifc background n life experience to truly understand Yearning#to rly Get what it means to only know how to engage with love and desire as a bonsai tree's relationship to the fucking sun#i mean to say the only way i know how to grow is around obstacles -#i mean to say the constant presence of a weight on your neck begins to feel so natural you'd crave it if one day it disappeared#as in twisted and gnarled --#pruned and sculpted into something captivatingly convoluted and bursting with astonishing vitality. yet confined#yet constricted. yet bursting with something. are you hearing me#SCREAMING INTO THE VOID#is there anybody OUT THEREE#something is eating me alive today sorry idk there is sth gnawing at my soul. i have ot call out. i already no-showed my one appointment.#i feel crazy#sorry#LMAO#angie.txt
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i wish i had an exact copy of myself. sigh
#i wouldnt even do anything crazy with it like hed have his life id have mine. Thats my thing abt like um stuff like this with specifically#the fiction clones where they r like. an exact copy of you with all your memories#the second they r made they r no longer an exact copy of you bc from that point on you have 2 different experiences of life you know .. like#even judt like. you wkae up in a lab thats a pretty big experience. i can speak for myself and say id be 1#scared 2. kind of excited bc im a freak like that. thatd be a pretty picotsl moment 4 me#and then . whyd i almost misgender myself. i was talking abt the clone and called ot they... while i did just establish that the clone is#not exactly me so ig i dont know his pronouns. Sorry connor. but also the clone Is me at the aame time do you guys get it bc the clone even#if it Knows she was cloned it still has all my memories and still is a connor you know. its just that from the moment hes made we have two#different trajectories and every single second changes us further. like my clone might see a car accident or something and be super changed#by that. anyways i didnt mean to go on a tangent baout the identity of a clone (its something i think abt a lot bc of um. teehee. gestures#at my head) basically i wish i had a clone bc i think the like. itd be so easy to talk to her bc i wouldnt have to worry abt anything or be#scared... like yeah shed be a weird overly sensitive dickhead BUT she probably wouldnt misinterpret me bc we have similar thought patterns#so hed understand what i mean by things and hed get it and itd be easy. and we could be good friends and we could both get better and become#better ppl and obv wed both grow into completely distinct ppl and i think thatd be good... cloneor where r you. need you#itis my fault though i need to not be so paranoid. bc 'i wish i could just be friends with myself' makes me sound kind of like an evilperson#so disclaiming I would like to make friends with a lot of people and have a lot of different friends with different lives and interests and#passions i just have trouble with that and i think being able to talk to a clone of myself would be a good way for me to get used to talking#to ppl again its like training wheels. you get it. and also i think i could fix her
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i got scared. im gonna..... im gonna need to learn a little bit more before i touch that. (css looks like a fucking nightmare not knowing shit the fuck--)
#crow talks#my head hurts a bit from trying to understand it buuut i think im fine now??? just sort of need to sleep on it to take it away#for now i just messed w the general stuff no messing w code (yet)#just learned the hard way: im picky w fonts and hate the fonts tumblr forces you to choose from.#i have no fucking idea what stuff is supposed ot be what and got too scared to fuck w the code#i kinda forgot to check the code in notepad++ (<- dumbass) but i think next time i'll do that when im free#my weekend is full so i cant do anything at all because of church stuff again#need to go somewhere i dont even wanna be at.... sigh. might get some merch tho.... yay?#this week is gonna kill me i think.... im gonna be so fucking drained by next week i think i'll die.#idk. we'll see!!
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