#DING DING DING ITS A LORE DUMP!!!

[robo-writing]

waloed holds the 4 top spots for war victory% no glitch speedrun, the first being the time some nation made a comment of barnabas’ spouse being a good addition to their concubine circle.

and the second place being bladesmith, when some foreign noble was bold in taking the princess (their tiny tiny baby aged 15) as a political marriage and she just won the war themselves. barnabas was too horny at the initial yelling from his spouse to get on the battle field

That second one has some genuine potential anon, I always wanted to get into bladesmith a abilities so *cracks knuckles*

She was an apprentice bladesmith working under her father, then eventually an official bladesmith once she became a teenager

She had difficulties applying for an official apprenticeship as smithing was seen as a man’s job. The only reason she was able to be taught is because of her father, who personally gave her master one of the blades she had forged as proof of her skill. Even then there was an obvious bias between her and the rest of the apprentices.

She didn’t care though. As much as they wanted to deny her, they could not deny her craftsmanship.

When it was her turn to sell her pieces under the watchful eyes of her master she used a pseudonym as she was afraid her gender would impact her sales.

When her master finds out she sold a weapon without his knowledge he renounces her (really he was finding any excuse to get rid of her.) When words spreads on who make Barnabas’s weapon he tells everyone that he was the one who taught her how to best forge a blade, and you can imagine how thrilled she was to hear him using her name to his advantage.

Barnabas wanted to kill him—she wanted to embarrass him. Instead of murder she had Barnabas enter his forge, pick up his weapons and loudly exclaim “These are the worst blades I’ve ever had the misfortune of seeing, much less holding.” He soon ran out of business.

She has a philosophy that the best bladesmiths are the ones who know how to hold a sword—how do you expect a chef to improve without developing his palate? Her free time is spent watching the royal guards train through an opening in the fence and practicing it herself. She has been doing this for the better part of her life.

When Barnabas returns after conquering Waloed she insists on traveling with him under the guise of being close by to repair his armor and weapons as his personal smith, but she also wants an up close and personal look at how a true warrior wields her weaponry—that way she can improve even further.

Because of this she’s actually a surprisingly good swordswoman, better than most. I would say she’s on par with the royalist guards.

[niko-jpeg]

Doodle from an upcoming fic, some Drink for your viewing pleasure, and a wip for a Fail Boat lore dump <33 happy new year fam

[poswiecenia]

LUMINE HC OO1. i haven't expanded much on the world lumine came from and her parents involvement in the world yet so here we go <3

prifaitry was originally an absolute monarchy that gave way to a brutal civil war that would normally destroy most of the planet   --  the twins are only alive because their parents sent them away before the coup which led to civil war under the guise of something else.  

in verses or interactions where,  I guess,  the planet isn't destroyed:  prifaitry would become a hereditary monarchy with one of the twins to take the throne once the king passes away.  some powers are given to a government below the main " royal family " to promote a better stable system.

the twins' father is strict and was general / head of the military before the civil war and now is the king of the planet.  his rules are less strict than what the country had previously.

the twins' mother is an astrologer, creator, mender and reader of stars within their system.  her power was passed down to lumine who is only half-strength due to it being shared and the fact that big bad at the beginning took her wings away and depowered her. lumi's celestial powers would be stronger once her mothers' hold on it goes away.

courting in terms of potential marriages is important,  usually reserved for long-life species due to the life span that prifaitrians have.  they last as long as stars can  (  a fucking LONG time  )  

[doodlefoxart]

Ring a ding ding the cat line is here! Sorry that this took so long, i did the art a smidge ago but college took my time away from making their lore™️

Anways onto the lore!!

Cats

- Meowlys, both domesticated and wild, are head strong and sassy; they can be found in the day to day house hold, a common field, pet shows and even barns, no matter the area you can be sure to find a meowly there. Unfortunately, that also means there are meowlys where they shouldnt be; irresponsible owners have been known to dump them in the wild, leaving them to wreck havoc on the local ecosystem. Due to a meowlys diet of both meat and plant life, they have been known to decimate local plant and monster environments; as such special monster hunter forces have been out and about humanely capturing and reducing their numbers, and in certain cases, rescuing clearly abandoned meowlys and giving them to more responsible and loving owners.

- It is said that in the clouds above, there are cat monsters named meowlings; whose hooves and horns are made from pure gold, a meow as sweet as bird song and a fur coat softer than the softest cloud. Meowlings are revered as deities of good luck; statues, novelty items and whole festivals are dedicated to them in the hopes of gaining good luck for themselves, their families or even whole villages. In myths, its said that if a villages festival meets all a meowlings standards, one will descend from the heavens and bless them with riches, health and prosperity for a whole decade.

- Carbuncles are mischievous spirits that do not adhere to one singular form. Though some claim to see them as a cat like creature running amok in the woods; their have been no official apprehensions of carbuncles. These creatures are highly sought after; the gems on their foreheads contain their power and are said to make any wizard or witch incredibly powerful. However, due to the lack of validity of these claims, it is left to myth and legend, the closest anyone has gotten in recorded history has been with those painting meowlys green and cruelly glueing fake gems to their foreheads, hoping to score a payday with their “find”. Furthermore, in most carbuncle mythos, it is said that they’ve been spotted being friendly with earthmates in ancient times; befriending them and living amongst them; unfortunately, since most all earthmates have gone into hiding it is unlikely to confirm such a relationship.

- Much like meowlings; wild cats, also named thunder cats, are said to live amongst the sky and clouds. It is not uncommon for small villages to set up stone statues in their image, as well as shrines filled with offerings of food and incense in order to gain their favor, so that they may bless their field’s with rejuvenating rain storms. Some myths tell of a land that was cursed with a drought for 50 years, leading to mass starvation and thirst due to withered crops and dried up rivers; one day, the people of this land had all but enough of it, begging any spirit or deity to save them; together they burned the last of their incense in one massive bonfire in order to garner their attention. This successfully drew a clan of wild cats, the sweet smell and loud pleas for help attracting them; it was then that these majestic beasts ran across the sky, blessing the land with a rain so healing the very plants and rivers breathed life once more in merely hours. Now, whenever you here the crash of lighting and the bellowing of thunder, know that it is merely a clan of wildcats passing through, blessing the land with rain and life once more as they run across the sky.

[over-glorified-woodstove-poker]

What’s up y’all my friend and I read through brother swan recently, not seriously or anything (as evidenced by this post lmao) and I’ve got some quotes and other details of our read through I wanna share!!!

Everyone had a nickname, except Angel. Probably best she didn’t get one-

Vonaku: Virgo/Goose Wizard

Fai: Link

Byrdi: Twilight Sparkle/Pony

Prestiso: Prestigo/Pasta Boy/The Fish

Tirkayka: Teriyaki

Uhhh there were others but these guys were the funniest in my opinion

Also, accents! Vi gave Byrdi a bad Scottish accent the whole time, Vo had some kind of southern one? Didn’t choose a voice for Naruka At All. Voiced all the sprites and gave them like,, wavy? Voices. Reasoning being that they were sprites.

We did three reading sessions and I stepped in and voiced Prestiso, Fai, Petty, Ingrid, Naruka, Charon, Font, and Tabitha in the last session, aaaand because I’m bad at voices only Tabitha, Naruka, and Ingrid had any sort of recognizable voice- Still had a lot of fun though!!!

Here are some fun quotes from the first and third read throughs, didn’t get any from the second one coz I wasn’t writing them.

“Is that a yo-yo?”

“Is she a squirrel?”

“I’m on page two, with the goose wizard.”

“And she’s a furry.”

“Oh, goose wizard is a furry.”

"You look gay. That's a compliment." "Who are you referring to?" "Byrdi. Cargo shorts."

"And thats why he has that bruise on his eyebrow, from looking at sun because that's what the sun does."

"Don't worry, I have toilet paper too."

"And then this person showed up with toilet paper in their fanny pack and there was also a bird lady. Link showed up with toilet paper, toilet paper for all, and then this fish dropped it.”

"These two adventurers gave me toilet paper, one of them with the fanny pack of infinite toilet paper. That's why its called a wonder ball, because it has infinite toilet paper."

"And then link says, to the lime,"

"They're all eleven." "What? I'm sorry what? What? What? Why? That's so odd." "Eleven year olds exist?" "Even twilight sparkle?"

"Woah, they got a cross as a door knocker? Why?" "....Christians." "Space christians?" "I guess???" "It's probably not space christians."

"'looks like she's met our sister' Is it the owl?"

"Cmon link, time to form a bureaucracy."

"'link you're still on probation.' Link did a crime?"

"My teeth are sharp, because I am a goose wizard, and also a furry."

"Tabitha doesn't usually stab people on accident."

"I wanna keep our guest company. We can prank call a pizza guy or talk about our crushes or... something."

“Not after what she did to Horse.” “Horse????” “Yea, Charon.” “Why horse????” “Like the myth guy.” “That’s Chiron!” “You can’t prove that.”

“I drank a bottle o’ syurup.”

(About petty) “She looks like a quilt.” “…oh my god she does.”

“Why do all these people know each other?” “Uh. Pirates.” “Ah, I understand now.”

“That dudes arms are messed up. Also he’s a furry.” “Gonna have to get used to that.”

*monotone* “Pretend I’m talking in a Scottish accent.”

“I’ll explain how you’ll be helping us, with force, and also waffles.”

“He’s latae, the sprite of pain magic, and also pumpkin spice.”

“Wait wait wait I have a violin!!! Hang on!!!” “*whistles a cheery little waiting tune*” “Okay okay I haven’t tuned it in like a week but *violin noises*”

“You can’t snap a string because it’s a real violin..” “I can make a horrible noise. Oh! What’s the highest note I can play?”

“Magic nearly died, this is the lore dump, and you’re all stupid.”

*in the voice being used for Angel* “Ding dong your opinion is wrong.”

“Goblin German.” “It’s just French.”

[skeletorific]

Ascendancy-SF!Sans

y’all I’ve just been having so many fuckin swapfell feels. Also I’ve been working on my swapfell lore so this got super long. I’m putting it partly under a cut because I assume you guys would like to see the rest of your dash at some point

(Also I know including music for fics is so  2014 but honestly Hey Look Ma I Made It by Panic! at the Disco, Stay Frosty Royal Milk Tea by Fall Out Boy, and Glitter and Gold by Barns Courtesy were so important to this piece that I can’t not recommend them.)

Sans is 6 and Papyrus is 12. Two children, but Papyrus is tall for his age. He seems older to Sans. Like the other adults, he sits quietly and still. He talks seriously about serious things that Sans doesn’t understand.

Sans is not still. Sans is not solemn or quiet. Sans is loud. Sans is hyper and angry and self-willed. His first word is “no” and for a long time, it seems like his only. When he was younger it was simply the Terrible twos. Then simply an energetic child. Now he was simply a difficult one. Someone to be glared at and shushed and told to behave. But he couldn’t behave. It felt like all his energy was bursting out of him from every angle. Like his body couldn’t keep up with whatever force was driving it. Change, disorder, neglect, they all made him angry. He didn’t know how to take it quietly. If he didn’t strike out he thought he might die. If he didn’t strike out, no one would hear him.

But Papyrus did. Papyrus always seemed to hear what he was actually saying. When he was so angry he couldn’t speak, when his insides were so complicated that no matter how many people asked him about it he couldn’t begin to make them understand what kind of hurt he was carrying inside him. Papyrus read the language of sobs and tantrums and was usually able to back him away from the ledge. Before he got in too much trouble.

Gaster called Papyrus an old soul. He had the patience of one. While he had normal bouts of teenage moodiness, Sans only ever felt calm when he was with Papyrus. Only ever safe with him. He was also one of the only ones who ever understood when Sans was trying to apologize.

“why can’t I be good?” he asked him once.

“you are good. just harder for you to show it than everyone else” Papyrus said. “Your only problem is I’m the only one who sees how much harder you’re working for it.”

Sans is 8. Papyrus is 14. They’re on their own. And Sans feels another emotion joining the ever-constant anger. Fear. Anxiety. He sees it in Papyrus’ fidgets (now his older brother has trouble staying still too), in the caution with which he covers their footprints through the snow. He hears it in the presences that dog their footsteps and the low growls. So when Papyrus screams for him to run. Hise finds his feet are already moving impossibly fast. That energy comes in handy, he runs and runs until the terrain around him is utterly unfamiliar, and only realizes then that Papyrus is not behind him, and hasn’t been since he started running.

He can only wait in fear, hiding out in a bar where the owner of the establishment, a spider woman, begrudgingly allows him to stay, on the condition that he clean her tables and not bother her customers. And Papyrus does show up, worse for wear, with cracks in his scar and a tooth missing. He doesn’t want to talk about it. He doesn’t want to talk about much, but Sans follows him like a shadow, barely letting him out of his sight for the next few weeks. But Papyrus is here, and he’s going to make it alright now. They’ll make it now.

The town is peaceful. Or at least, more peaceful than life on the outskirts. They stay with the spider woman and wait for their father to come, as he promised he would. But Sans is 12 and Papyrus is 18, and both are old enough to know what happens to lingerers. Sans is not ok, but nothing at all is. They are warm, for now, and safe for now. Muffet offers them protection in exchange for labor, and though she’s strict she’s not unreasonable. She pays them, though scantly. Papyrus replaces his tooth with some copper that tastes foul, but it makes him look tougher. Sans is afraid to go outside sight of the bar alone. The one time he tried (an attempt to go to the library), he was quickly spotted as an easy victim. The marks around his eyes would stay with him for the rest of his life, though he managed to get away.

Papyrus didn’t say much. These days he rarely did. But he came home that night covered in dust and San never saw the bullies again.

His brother is not okay either. He's been sneaking sips of the amber liquid Muffet serves to dead-eyed customers. Some night he has too much and goes glassy and vacant. A shell. It frightens Sans, and every time he apologizes but it happens again and again.

The powerlessness of his life frustrates Sans day to day. His energy is all in fear now, but he has nothing he can do. He will always be short, he is slowly discovering, and always have a face that is cute despite his scars. He is an easy target for cruelty and though his brother will always save him, there is another fear yet greater, that one day there will be a day when Papyrus is the one who needs protecting. And he won’t be able to do anything. The visions haunt him with every waking hour, and often in his dreams. Papyrus dead. Muffet Dead,. Himself tormented and beaten and dying.

Over and over again, with no way to escape. But he walks with the fear every day. wakes up each morning and leaves his bed and gets up and goes to deal with customers who at any moment could strike out against him (its happened before, despite Muffet’s rules). And though he doesn’t know it, it's making him stronger. Because he is no longer afraid of being afraid.

Sans is 14 and Papyrus is 20, and unbelievably, Gaster reappears. He never explains his long absence, at least not to Sans, but there he was again. And it was only then that Sans had realized that he missed him. The old man was gruff and uncompromising, could even turn cruel in odd moments. But he was more stable than most adults he knew, and there was even a part of him that loved his sons. He bought a house in the village big enough for the three of them. For the first time he could remember Sans had his own room, to do with what he pleased. He decorated it the way he used to daydream his bedroom would be as a child, and though Papyrus sometimes ribs him gently for the rocketship bed, he doesn’t bring it up often. At least one of them should get to reclaim a childhood.

Sans would never call it a happy home, but it was better than most, he knew. And one day Gaster looked up, watching Sans rushing around the house and cleaning at his usual top speed...and saw something in his son he never had before.

Potential.

It would seem odd to Sans in the future but he hadn’t wanted the training when it started. For better or for worse, growing up with Papyrus as a wall between him and danger had impressed on him the idea that he wasn’t up to the task. But Gaster refused his excuses and Papyrus’ attempts at intervention. It was hell at first but...suddenly the energy had an outlet. He began to learn to transform the fear into something else. He was...strong. Powerful, even. His control was deft and his stamina formidable. When Gaster began letting Papyrus train alongside him the two only became stronger. Soon Sans felt no danger in traveling freely. If someone tried to start something, he could shut it down in moments. It felt...liberating.

Papyrus seemed a little better too. Fewer nights where Sans would find him half in the bottle. He had picked up smoking from Gaster, though, much to Sans’ chagrin. He hated the smell of the smoke and how the ashes would get into everything. Though skeletons didn’t have lungs that could be damaged by it, it still wasn’t healthy for either of them. But things were better.

Until they weren’t.

Sans is 17. His brother is 23. They never had a father. He doesn’t think so at least. Sometimes Papyrus will mention one and then seem confused that Sans doesn’t know what he’s talking about. He can only assume that he was long gone before he was old enough to remember. But it doesn’t matter.

The wolves are closing in. As both of them have grown out of childhood there are fewer and fewer people to take pity on them. Muffet is still an ally, but she can only extend her protection so far. They’re both strong. But Sans can feel things slipping out of his grip again.

Papyrus seems worse than ever. He’s rarely around in the daytime, disappearing on what he calls odd jobs. He’s bringing money home, to be sure, but Sans doesn’t know from what. When he home in the morning he’s terse, always acting like he’s on the edge of telling Sans to run along. He’s nearly an adult but Papyrus seems to have missed that memo.  

Not that he doesn’t also saddle Sans with some undue responsibilities. It feels like every night Sans is being called in to drag him home from Muffet’s, he’s bothering the other customers with strange ramblings. When he’s not as Muffets, he’s at home, puking in the toilet and slurring incoherently about someone named “Gaster” or about how they’re all going to die. Bleak. Grim. Not what Sans wants to hear. And it aches like hell....that it feels like he’s not worth staying sober for. Like he’s the last connection keeping Papyrus tethered to reality, and even then it's not strong enough to keep him healthy.

He met Alphys at the dump. On one of Papyrus’ few good days (such as they were) they were scavenging around the Labs for parts to fix the TV. The dino had caught them unawares and demanded to know what they were doing. Papyrus’ smooth-talking had gotten them out of trouble but she’d insisted on escorting them home to ensure they didn’t try anything. Sans knew the Captain of the Royal Guard only by reputation, but this is the first time he’d seen her.

She wasn’t what he expected. He’d had run ins with members of the Guard before. Feckless thugs, for the most part, barely worthy of notice. Sans didn’t run risks against the law nearly as often as Papyrus did, but he had his own ways of avoiding them. But Alphys was bright. Quite bright, actually, once you managed to make out what she was saying. Her speech was slow but her reflexes were quick, and as he found out later, she was a cunning fighter, even when cornered. But most notably....she seemed just as scared as any of them. That scaly face didn’t betray much emotion, but she was jumpy, anxious even. He went on to spend more time with her: they had bonded a bit on the walk home and after he’d let it slip that he was no slouch in the combat department she’d insisted on seeing his abilities. And he only became more and more aware that the Captain was hanging on by a few threads. Her abilities were considerable, but rebellions stirred constantly and power shifted with the wind in Toriel’s court. She could lose her seat at any moment, to insurgents or to politics, or even to the whims of their Mad Queen.

It was the first time that power seemed mutable.

He spent more and more time with Alphys. She came to trust him, no small feat, and she began taking him on trips to the capital. And the impression only sank in deeper. No one’s position was assured. Everyone, even the higher-ups....was scared absolutely shitless. Toriel seemed the only one free of fear, and she spent her days wandering her palace, waiting for news of another fallen human.

Some might have taken it as a sign that things were worse than they had ever imagined.

Sans...found it oddly empowering.

He began digging discreetly into his brother’s activities, using Alphys’ contacts to do so. Turned out his brother was gaining quite a bit of notoriety as a criminal. Toriel extended him meager protections (for reasons that were never clear) but his actions were catching up to him. Theft, assault on important persons, hacking the mainframes of the Lab, terrorism....the rep sheet was a piece of paper as long as his arm. It didn’t seem to be an act of political dissidence, not properly. There was no consistency to his targets. After a little investigation of his own Sans came to the conclusion that Papyrus was simply taking jobs for whoever would hire him, for whatever task. Anything...to provide for him. The realization hit him like a freight train.

The dossier on his brother was immense. The only thing they lacked was conclusive proof: the courts of the Underground were brutal but it seemed unless they had an ironclad case against him Toriel wouldn’t let it go through. Sans even found his own file marked as evidence.

“Not A Known Threat” it said.

Interesting.

Sans is 20. His brother is spiralling. More days drunk than sober. Alphys doesn’t give him much information on the investigation regarding his brother but he’s certain they’re getting close. The stress is getting to Papyrus. Smoke surrounds him like a cloud and empty bottles litter his room. Finally Sans can’t take it anymore, opening the door to tell Papyrus off....and finds his brother in tears.

He can’t remember the last time he saw his brother cry.

It comes out, a confession that Sans doesn’t need but didn’t expect. Papyrus is fighting back puke and sobs, begging for forgiveness and apologizing over and over. In the lowest moment he asks Sans to turn him in. It’ll be better for him in the long run. He’s insistent that Sans call Alphys, promising he’ll be fine...but Sans knows his brother is afraid. So afraid he can’t keep his hands still. His mouth demands it but his eyes are pleading for an escape.

So many thoughts spiralling in Sans’ head....and suddenly they click into place. Like those jigsaw puzzles Papyrus does. Suddenly it all stopped being composite pieces and fixed together to form a greater whole. A vision, maybe, or at least a plan.

Sans doesn’t touch his phone. He forces his brother into a cold shower and cleans up the mess while Papyrus tries to sober up. And when he’s pulled himself together a bit, Sans offers him a deal.

The Guard is protection. Black marks on its members tend to get slowly scrubbed off the record. The Guard is salary: the wage isn’t lucrative but it’d be enough to keep them comfortable. And the Guard....well its opportunity.

They’ve been tractionless for far too long, in a world that kills its stragglers. Papyrus tried to get them some momentum, but through channels that were destined to be punished. Sans has an in. Rising through the ranks should prove feasible, and the higher they rise, the safer they are.

The deal is this: from now on, Sans is the head of their household. At least as far as outsiders were concerned. Papyrus would defer to his judgement anytime they were outside the house, no matter what Sans ordered. The narrative they would assume was that Sans, growing more powerful due to his proximity to Alphys, had finally brought his wayward brother into line. His criminal activity would be drawn to a halt. Even if they were brothers it would be considered an impressive move, and as long as he appeared to toe the line chances are the scrutiny would soon fade. In exchange Sans would take over the role of provider, and ensure that they were both fed and protected for the rest of their lives.

In another life Papyrus might have laughed in his face. But...looking back he’d had more than enough opportunity to fuck up his own life. His dreams and ambitions were long since dust. All that was left to dedicate himself to his brother’s, if it meant they’d be able to live without constantly looking over their shoulders.

They shook hands in their kitchen.

Sans is 22. Papyrus is 28. The older follows at the beck and call (or more often, beck and scream) of the other. They make their rounds on the village every day without fail, calibrating traps and sticking their noses into the business of everyone in Snowdin. Sans is a pint-sized tyrant, bitterly termed “the brat” by irritated locals while his brother is little more than his guard-dog. Even has the collar to prove it.

(It was Papyrus’ idea actually, something to confirm his “humiliation”. Sans was hesitant at first but in a way, it became a visual reminder for Papyrus to latch onto, a memento of the promise between them. No leash, though, despite the rumors).

The two have a fair amount of wealth set by, though the exact amount is not known. Its demonstrated by the new, gleaming gold of Papyrus’ missing tooth and the sleek armor clothing his brother.

And no one but Muffet seems to remember it was ever any different.

Papyrus has barely touched a drop in years, though he’s yet to drop the cigs. His sweet tooth is as voracious as ever, though, and so he still frequents the spider woman’s bar. The residents of Snowdin aren’t known for their kindness but he’ll occasionally get sympathetic looks from some of the sloppier drunks. “Yer bro’s a reaaaal piece a’ work, huh? Mus’....mus’ be hell to live with.”

Papyrus usually makes it clear that these are not welcome comments.

He’d be lying if he said it wasn’t hard sometimes. He misses his freedom to roam sometimes. And its inevitable that their performance begin to leak into their private interactions. His brother has discovered a taste for power, for control. Maybe it’s understandable, considering how little he’s had over his own life up until that point. The collar chafes some days more than others.

But ultimately he wouldn’t change a thing. For the first time some of the burden is off his shoulders. He’s free to protect Sans without worrying where their next meal is coming from. His brother has always had the drive and the energy to get himself wherever he needs to go. Now that he was steering the ship, he was showing a mastery over it that made his brother proud. Sometimes there was so much of the old man in him...

Sans, for his part....well, he’s tired. They’re playing a very long game, with the highest of stakes. He has to juggle his few valued relationships with a certain cold calculation. Reputation and friendship are currency in their world: who you know can be the difference between a knife in the back and some gold in your pocket. As he climbs the ranks the relationships only become more difficult to maintain. There are egos to soothe, lines to toe, deals to be made. It takes so much patience that he has little to spare when he’s with....well, underlings. He does his best to keep himself in check when he’s at home, but the residents of Snowdin are afforded no such protection. Even his brother can sometimes be an unwitting target of his wrath.

Still, let them whisper about the upstart skeleton, a nothing from nowhere. This nothing was used to being the problem child. He was ready to fight his way out of this hellhole, no matter what it took.

And what it took, it seemed, was a human soul. What faster ticket into Toriel’s good graces? The queen’s favor was uneasy and tenuous in the best of cases, but it was well worth the risk.

Sans is 24. Papyrus is 30. And there are rumors of a human in a green sweater, making their uneasy way through the Underground. The coward won’t even strike to kill.

Perfect...

[thecakewolfuniverse]

Rings (2017) Review

Reviewer: Matthew Fishgold

Initially, Rings (2017) feels like it’s a made for TV movie, a sort of MTV presents. As the film progresses, I’m waiting for Sam and Dean Winchester to pop up and smack a Samara because this has to be a CW exclusive. Rings doesn’t cut it as a theater experience, and if it wasn’t for the juggernaut of a franchise that it has behind it, this would have been an at home streaming experience.

And for our drink...

Now that we have our drink, let's enjoy our movie, then have our review.

Rings. What did they mean by that title? Was it going to be like Aliens to Alien? Were we going to get a shit load of Samaras running around due to all the digital copies? Was Naomi Watts going to have to join the marines and blow em all to public broadcasting Hell? Nope. Were they referencing the fact that there were a ton of copies made of the original video? I’m guessing so since director Javier Gutierrez wanted to explore how technology fundamentally changes how the curse works and how it spreads. Funny he said that, considering this movie only has about fifteen or less actual minutes of exploring that angle. Still, that title feels a little off to me...what about The Ring 3D? Nah, that wouldn’t work, they didn’t have the budget for that because they were too busy spending money on advertisements, like getting on the Today show. Personally, I would have called this, Ringa’ Linga’ Ding Dong.

Our film doesn’t start out with Samuel L. Jackson saying that he’s tired of these mother fucking Samara’s on this mother fucking plane, which is pretty upsetting. Instead, we get a dude reciting the rules for the monster that were slowly established in the original films. Instantly I’m given the mood of this film. Lazy writing.

After dude dies on a plane from Samara, all the characters established in this intro are flushed down the proverbial toilet, never to be heard from again. Now, we’re introduced to a new set of characters. Played by Johnny Galecki, our new possible leading character, Gabriel picks up a VCR at a swap meet. Apparently this is the same VCR that belonged to dude from plane. So, Gabriel takes the VCR home, finds out there’s a tape in it, watches the tape, and...now we switch to a new set of characters…

Finally, we meet the protagonist of our film. Finally. Played by Matilda Lutz, our zero range leading lady Julia has to say goodbye to her boyfriend Holt. He’s going off to college and she’s staying home so she can tend to the needs of her supposedly sick YOU’LL NEVER SEE THIS MOTHER ESTABLISHED, NOR WILL YOU EVER VISUALLY SEE HER AT ALL, mother. But that’s okay, Julia leaves her invalid mother anyway here shortly.

Julia begins to think there’s something wrong with her boyfriend after he doesn’t respond for awhile. Without saying peace out to her mother, Julia goes full on stalker mode to track down her boyfriend and finds out that there’s a Samara support group at the college he’s attending.

After watching the VHS, Gabriel has been documenting the occult surrounding Samara. He’s also been spreading her curse via modern technology, using his students as test subjects and his authority as a professor to bait them in. This is where I started to get intrigued. I was ready for shit to get crazy and explore the madness that could ensue from such an awesome set-up. Instead, this movie decides to dump all that potential and focus on creating even more lore behind Samara, and not in a good way.

Apparently Julia is another Harry Potter character that’s so popular lately. She’s “special”. After a series of events propels her into a viewing of the cursed video, we discover that Julia is the chosen one. Her curse is different than everyone else, and with the rules switched up, nobody knows what to do. This is where the movie turns into an early 90’s point and click adventure game, following Julia and Holt as they explore the meaning behind her unique curse.

Without spoiling the outcome for you, I’ll fill you in on a few things you can expect from this point forward.

Cheap-ass jump scares. You know how tension builds and then weak horror movies throw in a scene where a cat jumps out of a cupboard? Yeah. This movie has that in spades. One of the most memorably atrocious jump scares is an umbrella opening during a transition sequence after a tense moment. Ugh.

Unnecessary lore. Samara has already been established. She’s fucking scary as shit. She doesn’t want to be helped, she’s pure evil and just wants to hurt others, spreading her wickedness like a wildfire. But this movie turns that around, using an insulting and downright offensive subtext that says, because she was a product of rape, that has somehow attributed to the evil that she is. Not to mention the Christian tones of this subtext that are sure to paint the Catholic Church with unwarranted negativity. And because I don’t want to ruin a major moment in the film, I’ll just say, Samara’s new superpower that she uses on the priest made no sense.

Stroking itself. Instead of making us feel like we could be cursed too for watching the video, scenes of the video are cut away to show the faces of the individuals watching it, thereby taking us out of the full experience. Also, there’s a Don’t Breathe (2016) moment that’s fine due to the context of the story, until someone says, “I can hear your every breath.” Maybe it was unintentional, but the fact that this movie feels like it's anywhere near Don’t Breathe, whether purposely or not, annoyed the fuck out of me.

Literally spelling things out for us. The movie thinks everyone is a moron. They repeat plot so often, it feels like I’m watching a Sesame Street episode that’s trying to get me to learn all about the letter F. Well, F is for fuck this movie. You’ll see what I mean about literally spelling things out with one of the final shots of the film, involving the letter H. This moment of the film feels like the director thinks if we were playing Wheel of Fortune, we couldn’t solve the last letter in the word, Cheeseburge_.

No you should not see this movie. Absolutely not. Not for any reason. Especially if you enjoyed any of the ones before it like I do. Fuck this movie, it’s shit.

I rate this film one out of five sad, beer-less ring stains and tell you to avoid it. The only reason I’m giving it a one is because I did enjoy the parts of the cursed video that was actually shown, and at times I was truly impressed with the potential for the movie due to its momentary premise before it shifted.

[poswiecenia]

DAHLIA HEADCANONS.

in reference to dahlia’s hair and the headcanons i mentioned a few days ago:

*    the practice of hair cutting in dahlia’s tribe was a sign that a viera was either being cast out of the tribe as a whole or that the soul was being cut but time was remaining for one last control over a destiny.    if there was a possibility in terms of the individual doing this on their own while they still lived,   even better   -------  yet if a veena died during a hunt,   in combat close to home or before they were able to perform this rite    /    ritual,   their sisters or mother would do it for them post    -   death.

*    in saying the above,   dahlia’s cutting of her hair during shadowbringers was something of a result of her feeling as if her    soul    had been cut.    she had been told by various individuals that she was dying and thus a mixture of fear and despair arose.    in a fashion she recalled her tribes’ practices but also didn’t really    .  .   wait to see about the outcome of the ordeal.    she didn’t think she would even be able to go home alive and thus during her meltdown,   alone,   she followed on through the ritual.

*    post endwalker however she does begin to grow her hair out again,   believing she has some time to rest now.   the current trial has ended,   she’s almost died 2345 times again and while she has another issue to deal with    (    lookin’ at you nyx    )    she can work through it and feels that she’s living two lives at once    .  .  her soul isn’t cut anymore and the ritual she had been following does not apply anymore.