#Crowley inherently had a knowledge of Right and Wrong

[lunaamatista]

I will make a longer post about this at some point but: if your theories about why Aziraphale has done bad and abusive things and has been having fun in la la land while ignoring all the horrors around him don’t include the fact that Crowley never told him how he’d been treated in Heaven, Crowley never told him he was at risk of being erased from the Book of Life, Crowley never told him what had he saw in Heaven’s Confidential Files, etc.

I simply won’t take you seriously.

[wilder-fangirl]

This may sound insane BUT I have a theory. In the first scene when Gabriel shows up in Good Omens season 2 he's naked and he doesn't realize/see that as a problem.

In the garden Adam and Eve don't realize they're naked and want to cover up until they eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil

I know Gabriel had just had his memories erased but he did still know some basic things

So basically I'm wondering if angels (and by extension demons) don't actually truly know the difference between good and evil. They know what they've been taught and they know what their side does, but they don't have an inherent, internal sense of right and wrong and good and evil

And maybe this is why Crowley is so different from all the other ethereal and occult beings. I know we didn't see it in the scene in the garden but there is some kind of actual biblical theory that the serpent tempted Eve by eating the apple first to show her it was good

[justhereforthemeta]

@sensitivesiren I'd like to thank you for this incredibly insightful interpretation with the requested screencaps, and hope you won't mind me building on your work here by taking it in another direction. This really set off a chain reaction in my brain.

Not only is this a great meta, but I love the note that you ended it on - that Aziraphale had found something more important than choosing sides.

But unlike Beelzebub with Gabriel, and even though this episode was indeed his first time teaming up with Crowley - Aziraphale's "something more important" wasn't choosing *their side*. It wasn't choosing any side. It was choosing to save a few humans who didn't deserve to be hurt for arbitrary reasons, ineffable or not, sides and consequences be damned. What Aziraphale chose was to commit an act of free will, at what he fully expected to be great personal cost, to do what he believed to be right and good and true.

In this sense, I think Aziraphale's choice to lie to the angels and preserve Job's family is a lot like his choice at the end of season two.

Metatron doesn't breathe a visible sigh of relief until he has Aziraphale in the elevator and presses the big H button. Despite his implicit and explicit threats, Aziraphale could still have rejected his offer and run away with Crowley. Although those threats may be reason enough to accept a "promotion" he clearly doesn't want, my reading of the scene is that Aziraphale's orientation to and attitude within the trap Metatron has set fundamentally changes when he learns that the Second Coming is next on Heaven's agenda.

OP, if you'll forgive me for paraphrasing you, all of the same pieces are coming together in this moment:

Aziraphale still believes Crowley is good, and should by rights be restored to angelhood.

Heaven and Hell are still playing games at the expense of others - all of humanity, now, again - and it's still wrong.

Lust - Michael Sheen's implied "do it again, right now" during the kiss.

Aziraphale still believes that Crowley believes that blurring the lines between Good and Evil by questioning God and thwarting the will of Heaven were the causes of Crowley's fall, despite his inherent and continuing goodness.

Aziraphale still looks back to Crowley for reassurance; "you were right, I was wrong," is the essence of the look he shoots back to Crowley standing by the Bentley.

Whether it will be as an earnest reformer, a quiet saboteur, or a standard-raising rebel, Aziraphale now knows damn well, stepping into that elevator, that he's going into Heaven to thwart the Second Coming, the Apocalypse 2.0, and by extension the will of God. This time Heaven will have him trapped, and there will be no escaping the consequences of his actions. He knows he is going to fall.

And he goes anyway.

This very brief but critically important shot shows the moment in which Aziraphale makes his choice. Look at the blocking in this shot. Aziraphale looks back to Crowley who is standing watch by the Bentley. Just above Aziraphale's head, a light is reflected, like a cartoon idea lightbulb flashing on. To the left of the frame, in the space where Crowley ought to be, there is a person dressed in white with a beige backpack who is aligned with the elevator door: Aziraphale is now provisioned with new knowledge and is ready for the next stage of his journey, to Heaven. To the right, a man in a red sweater (Crowley's color, and the color of passionate love), framed with green foliage, walks out of the frame, his back turned to Aziraphale: a picture of earthly love seemingly rejected.

You were right. I was wrong. But I have to do this. And I will.

This turned into a longer response than I'd intended, but I feel like the emotional sucker punch of the kiss served as a distraction from Aziraphale's much quieter realization here. I suspect that in the moment when Metatron discloses the plan for the Second Coming, Aziraphale goes from making the best of a terrible situation he's been coerced into, to willingly stepping into that terrible situation. He's no longer a victim caught in a trap. Eyes open, he makes a choice.

(There have been some fun metas lately asking the question, when did Aziraphale lose his last fuck? For show!Aziraphale, I think the answer will turn out to be: right. here.)

This is also the moment where Metatron makes the fatal mistake (we can dream, can't we?) of underestimating Aziraphale. After all, no one ever asks for death (or for an angel, to fall). "So predictable."

But this is Aziraphale. He did choose to fall once, for the sake of a single human family. He's unpredictable. And age does not wither, nor custom stale, his infinite variety.

Image credit to @fuckyeahgoodomens

They are both so brave. I just love them so much.

(if someone has these screencaps please add them to this post - i'm technologically challenged)

I simply cannot get over the look that passes between Aziraphale and Crowley in s2ep2 when they restore Job's children and all of the angels turn to Aziraphale and ask if they're his new children, and we can see him squirm a little and dodge the question with "they certainly seem to be!" and then a few lines later the angels turn to him with an "Aziraphale, who are they?" an inescapable question, time is limited, he can't hesitate, but he LOCKS eyes with Crowley who is leaning against a post with his eyebrows raised in a whose side are you on stare.

And then it pans back to Aziraphale who hesitates, "They . . . are . . ."

and then he has this LOOK on his face, of acceptance, of resignation, and he makes eye contact with Crowley again, and says "They are . . . his new children."

He was ready to risk it all. Fully believing that he would fall for this. That look is a surrender. And he was ready to do it too.

He holds eye contact with Gabriel, blinking a lot, but not looking away. His smile doesn't reach his eyes. There's a brief moment of relief on his face when Gabriel claps him on the shoulder and believes his lie, but he knows that God will know what he's done. He fully believes he's going to fall for this.

And he looks to Crowley again, who applauds him. Aziraphale looks like he's going to be sick.

He's had several earth-shattering revelations in the last 24-ish hours.

Crowley (the demon) is good, and he believes it with his full chest.

God plays games for fun at the expense of others, and it's wrong.

Gluttony (he ate that entire ox)

Aziraphale believes that Crowley believes that blurring the lines between Good and Evil by questioning God and thwarting the will of heaven are exactly what caused Crowley's fall. (see you in hell)

Crowley and Aziraphale are on the same side, if temporarily, holding onto each other like a rock in a storm, with Aziraphale constantly looking to Crowley for reassurance, trusting him to have his back.

he's going to fall

I just feel like its overlooked that this was the FIRST TIME EVER that they teamed up (as angel and demon) and Aziraphale was fully ready to accept the consequences of that. He found something more important than choosing sides.

[ileolai]

this was originally going to be a much longer proper meta about crowley’s crowleyness and how it relates to the fall and fandom perception of him that i was too lazy to finish, but fine lol. ill try and summarize 

form shapes nature. crowley, like all the other angels was made with intrinsic qualities to do a specific job. rather generously given attributes that other angels (and demons) categorically don't have. and given an important position in the Grand Design process, i assume, given he has at least some  knowledge of it they don't, and talks about that as if it were a personal discussion [''you said you'd be testing them'']

now fandom tends to make the assumption that ''asking questions'' alone  got crowley booted because that's *one* of the rationalizations he gives for his fall. but ''asking questions'' isn't inherently wrong. it would be unfathomably sadistic to design something with that ability,  for a purpose,  and then punish them for it in and of itself??

or people assume that he must have resigned in moral protest after asking questions and finding out Heaven was shit or something. but the dude is 100% not invested in philosophical concerns or debate about the nature of Right vs Wrong, he’s an amoral douchebag. that's kind of the point.

another idea you see floating around fandom is the idea that he was totally lying and there’s another reason he actually fell. i don’t think he’s *lying* per se. he’s downplaying and omitting some stuff, because abrogating responsibility is what crowley does, but there’s no real reason for him to lie- particularly in the scenes where he’s most emotionally vulnerable about it.  and his story is overall consistent when you piece it together.

it’s not a mystery. he gives a bunch of different rationalizations but only one story of what actually happened. put ''asking questions'' in context with the rest of the narrative he gives.

‘’I never asked to be a demon. I was just minding my own business one day and then, looky here, it’s Lucifer and the guys, they say, hey, Crowley, my man, we’re just on our way to discuss the whole job conditions and career advancement thing, so, okay, the food hadn’t been that good lately, I’d got nothing on for the rest of that afternoon, next thing I know I’m doing a million-light-year freestyle dive into a pool of boiling sulphur.’’

‘‘lucifer and the lads started a union’‘ is the catalyst for the war / the fall. he has no reason to be lying about that, in this scene, he’s completely sloshed mid-existential crisis and wailing in a bar about it.

but he is downplaying / omitting some context there. how much foreknowledge of ‘’lucifer and the guy’s job conditions and advancement thing’’ did you have, then, crowley?

and... think about it. what is the exact thing crowley *would* do, if his buddy had a goal and not the means to attain it, eh?

identify the need, ask questions, clarify the objective... etc

that’s his job description, that’s what he does, what else would he be doing in that situation.

now from *his* perspective, those actions would be neutral-- he is not, himself, personally invested in the ‘’career advancement discussion’’ (still isn’t, in the present), it’s not *his* proposal or his objective, nothing to do with him, just minding his own business really, just tagging along, just asking questions...

heaven disagrees- he betrayed the position that he held, what he did was in service of the wrong team, and that team lost. so. 

bam. boiling sulphur for you, champ.

now he has one point of contention with the whole situation and its not moral or philosophical or anything like that. it’s that the consequences for being on the wrong team weren’t stipulated in advance. he never *asked* to be a demon, he didn’t *mean* to fall, nobody said *that* would be the consequence of fucking around.

and-- because of that, he’s not sure at what point he actually fell, or how to define what that even means. he’s not sure if it was a gradual process or sudden,  himself, because he has no reference point for where it *started*, only where it ended. nobody said where the line was, exactly, before he crossed it- and he’s still not getting answers.

that’s why the apparent contradictions in his story-- he has bits and pieces of a sequence of events he can’t quite piece together into a cohesive narrative, himself. and he’s the exact sort of person that would go batshit trying to resolve the missing links in a chain of cause an effect, an engineer brain. which is why he gets stuck ruminating on and angsting and protesting about it, because he needs it to make sense.

he wouldn’t do that, if he’d just quit in protest one day-  there’d be a clear line of cause and effect, if he’d had what he felt was an informed choice in the matter.

your basic narrative is right there though- he fucked up. naive of the consequences or not, he sided with the Ra Ra Let’s Overthrow God guys and got punted to the basement for it.

[ineffable-endearments]

It’s not the love itself he’s ashamed of.

The problem is the crushing selfishness of his love, the soul-churning entitlement of the wanting.

He’s an angel. He was created to be an ambassador of Goodness. It’s the most privileged position in the universe.

Being on the side of pure Good means hoping for the best for everything, for all of Creation. So it’s no surprise that he should come to enjoy his existence here on Earth, to form an attachment to that which he’s supposed to oversee. It’s no surprise that he should become endeared to humans, with all their peculiar, God-given quirks. It’s no surprise that as he spends time here, he should discover favorites, certain Earthly delights that he enjoys more than others. His mere feelings make no difference, after all, so long as he’s fulfilling his heavenly duties.

Given his angelic nature, it’s no surprise that Aziraphale should even care about his enemy, then, to see the little spark of goodness in Crowley, to want to protect Crowley from his own mistakes, to want to see Crowley get better.

The problem is...Aziraphale loves Crowley as Crowley already is.

He loves that Crowley will talk and talk with him for hours. He loves their debates, even when Crowley acts all smug, even when Crowley makes him entertain questions he’s not supposed to ask. He loves talking to someone as impossibly smart and witty as Crowley. He loves talking to someone who enjoys Earth, who will sometimes agree with his taste and sometimes argue with it. He loves the wiling and the thwarting and the knowledge that no matter who “wins” they’re both going home safe afterward.

He loves that he gets to see a softness in Crowley that no other being in the universe ever sees. He loves that Crowley will do particular little favors to butter him up. He loves that Crowley is so attentive he’ll keep track of Aziraphale’s priorities while Aziraphale is too busy with other priorities (a briefcase full of books and a falling bomb come to mind).

He loves that Crowley forgives him. He loves that Crowley trusts him. He loves that Crowley likes spending time together just for the sake of it.

The problem is...Crowley makes Aziraphale feel special. And that is not something angels are meant to encourage or want or, Heaven forbid, seek out. They’re not meant to stand out; they’re meant to stand united, a uniform force of Goodness.

Exchanging the occasional miracle for the occasional temptation is hardly an impediment to Ineffability, in the grand scheme of things, since Heaven and Hell are both bound to be doing their work and Aziraphale and Crowley don’t have the clout to interfere with that anyway. But an angel seeking validation from the Enemy? Deciding his own will matters more than Heaven’s? In the old days, they Fell for less.

How, how can he have the most privileged position in the universe and decide it’s not enough?

He had a disturbing thought recently. He thought about how he doesn’t see why Crowley should have to beg forgiveness from Heaven, or “get better” - which is just an awful thing to wonder, because he is supposed to want what’s best for his friend, isn’t he? And what’s best for the world? Shouldn’t he want the world’s most talented tempter to be rehabilitated?

Aziraphale’s love has become something selfish and twisted. He wants Crowley - not for Heaven, or for the world. For himself.

A proper angel would let Crowley take his own risks; a proper angel would trust the Great Plan. A proper angel would let Crowley march up to unguarded holy water, which the Church gives away for free anyway, and take his fill. A proper angel might feel sad to see another being destroyed, if it came to that, but a proper angel would also take comfort in seeing the legions of the damned weakened.

A proper angel would never have made friends with a demon. So in the end, if Aziraphale could be a proper angel, it’s quite possible that Crowley wouldn’t be risking his life in the first place.

No matter which way he turns now, he’s gone and ruined it. He’s been a selfish angel and a selfish friend. All that’s left is to stave off this one momentary threat with the thermos of holy water he’s about to hand over.

=

Things will be different. They’ll be outside in the open for Heaven and Hell to see. They won’t be bothered by either. It’ll be sunny, the grass will be green, and there will be human chatter in the background, although attention will slide off of Crowley and Aziraphale like water off a duck’s back. They’ll be lying on a picnic blanket. They’ll be pressed close, the sides of their bodies warm together.

Crowley will ramble. Aziraphale will look for shapes in the clouds, and he’ll nod along, smiling.

“Wanting. Desire. Nothing inherently wrong with it,” Crowley will be saying. “Not that it isn’t the basis of a, a lot of temptations. But it’s the basis of free will, too, right? So I figure in the end...”

“...As long as we’re on the same page, it should be alright to embrace it,” Aziraphale will add. He’ll know it isn’t exactly what Crowley was rambling about, but he’ll be a tad nervous about bringing up the topic of them, and this will feel like a natural opportunity.

Crowley will pause.“Yeah. Yeah, you can put it that way.”

And he’ll tentatively raise his hand to hold Aziraphale’s.

[resinatingbeauty]

Real Talk Time (#RTT) - My Messages to all “Baby” Witches / Anyone Discovering Their Spirituality

•When it comes to magick, if it feels right you’re doing it right. You won’t know if it feels right if you don’t do it. A lot of us fall victim to the obsession that is part of the process, in my opinion, of realizing your potential as a witch/magician/wiccan/magick user of any sort, that is the compulsive consumption of all things magickal or new age/occult related. You begin building this collection of books, accumulating supplies, candles, symbols, accents for your altar-all this time reading and searching for things to perform spells and rituals that you never end up performing because of all the time and energy put into accumulating ..stuff.

The irony being is there is nothing inherently magickal about stuff. Magick is not a tangible thing, it’s a spiritual thing. The reality is you don’t need much stuff at all to manifest your desires and intentions. You don’t need to have the equivalent of the Library of Congress filled with books and texts about magick spells, invocations, rituals, etc. either. Don’t get me wrong, knowledge is a great thing, knowledge is power, but balance is a very important fundamental concept in all new age/occult/pagan traditions and if all you’ve been doing is absorbing and not performing then you’re missing out on what makes magick worth doing- doing it. Just do it *itnsert angry Shia Labeouf motivational meme here*

The problem with the over consumption of knowledge is the lack of experience to go along with it. If you’re moving constantly through various texts, chances are you haven’t taken the time to act on what had been written. Magick is about finding your connection to the universe, finding that perfect balance of confidence, humility, understanding, and inner peace that allows you to be just so in tune with yourself and everything around you that you truly, without a doubt, feel a part of it- not just a little part, but a BIG part- big enough to move mountains. What one author says to do may be contradicted by another even in the same vein of thought, but that’s them. You have to find what works for you. Once you find it, never let it go. Elaborate on it, because you can do no wrong spiritually, so long as you aren’t, you know, committing mass murder or persuading others to do it a la Jamestown.

•Those elaborate and intriguing rituals sound great until you do them (or not). I am admittedly guilty of this, as I truly enjoyed the textbook style of Donald Michael Kraig’s writing on Ceremonial Magick (highly recommend Modern Magick any edition to anyone interested in that kind of thing) and good old Aleister Crowley who could turn a mundane love spell into something out of an HP Lovecraft novel (I’m sure it’s intentional), but the wonderful imagery these texts would form in my mind couldn’t, nay, wouldn’t be manifested into reality because, quite simply, I don’t have the kind of attention span or space for that kind of thing, and I ultimately found that I don’t need all the props and paraphernalia to manifest my magick. This also goes along with my first message about accumulating stuff. While there is more than enough reason behind all the symbols, tools, and objects we utilize as spiritualists, the chalice is just a pretty cup to those who aren’t inclined to use it as such. Rituals obtain power through the repetition, focus, and energy put into them, not the objects used to facilitate this process, though these objects help maintain that focus or visual, they are not sources of magick unto themselves. The talismans I create are not magickal themselves, they were made into talismans through energy transfer and intent, the ritual is in their creation, my own essence flowing into them through my hands as they work. If you aren’t the type of person who regularly goes through these grandiose measures and thrives in the complex and detailed who also has the time to devout to several hour long invocations for regular cleansing, keep it simple. Unless you’re that kind of person, chances are the more complex it is the less likely you are to do it. While you’re researching and visualizing these rituals in your mind’s eye like a movie, ask yourself if that type of thing is something you have the time, space, and attention span for (I know I don’t.) Any magick is better than none.

Now, some rituals are supposed to be complex, intricate workings that are intended to work off around a high level of energy and commitment (think exorcisms / banishing rituals, summonings or invokations etc). Crowley and Peter Carroll (another of my favorites) openly wrote about long, sensual, demanding rituals where trance states induced by drugs, sleep deprivation / sensory deprivation, hypnosis, and other means were incorporated into rituals, but they aren’t exactly a requirement.

In the same breath, anyone who criticizes how you perform a ritual (unless you’re asking for assistance or experiencing adverse affects) is full of shit. If you have channeled the energy and focus toward your intent, you will manifest results. Period. It doesn’t matter if you focus your altar around summoning Lillith, make the necessary offerings, draw the sigil, etc., if you’re actually thinking about what you’re going to have for dinner on March 3rd, you’re probably not doing it right. I don’t know you, however, you may have great success completely detaching yourself from your purpose- whatever works for you.

•Don’t fixate on labels - fixate on bettering yourself and your connection to the universe. There’s a lot of elitist internet witches and what not around, but hear me brothers and sisters, they are nothing but psychic vampires trying to throw you off your game. “My Book of Shadows is bigger than yours” is only relevant if you give a damn. I sure as hell don’t. I’m not impressed with lengthy resumes of spells and rituals performed over the last twenty years. If you choose to keep a Book of Shadows, its primary purpose should be reflection, allowing you to correspond your craft with reality and for you to look back at and troubleshoot or reiterate. It isn’t a badge of honor. The choice of keeping one is also entirely optional- though recommended, some do better performing their piece and setting it aside until the see the results they desire. Unless your spells affect me (or I ask you about your work) , you do you and I’ll do me. The only important thing is that you do so for yourself, you do so because it feels right and natural for you to do so, and you do it for the betterment of yourself and all of us who have to live in the world you have directly influenced. Whether you’re a “baby” witch, a cape wearing pointy hat toting broomstick bombshell, a woods witch, weed witch, green witch, black witch, voodoo priestess, magician, chaote, occultist, necromancer, reiki practitioner, shaman , level 300 Geodude- we are all working toward the same goals, one way or another. Regardless of what you choose to identify yourself with or what system/rules you choose to follow, we need to build each other up, not put each other down. We have the major indoctrinated religions doing that for us.

That is all.

[krystalgazer]

I wonder a lot whether after the Not-Apocalypse and especially the ‘trials’ the two were subjected to, the dynamic between Crowley and Aziraphale may shift in reverse, for at least a little while.

I can’t get over the fact that neither Aziraphale or Crowley ever considered Heaven a real threat. I mean, Aziraphale may hem and haw about the Arrangement now, but he was the one who arguably instigated their relationship back in Rome. Before then, they arguably only talked shop with each other, but going to a restaurant, purely for the pleasure of eating in each other’s company? That was Aziraphale’s idea. And while Crowley approached Aziraphale first on the walls of Eden, it was Aziraphale who held out a wing to Crowley in kindness. At the beginning and until Rome, it was Crowley that approached, but Aziraphale is the one that didn’t turn Crowley away; even if arguably Crowley could be seen as trying to get intelligence from Aziraphale in those early meetings (which may have well been Crowley’s excuse to Hell if anyone questioned them).

Once the Arrangement gets started, Aziraphale notably doesn’t seem concerned with the fact that he has to perform temptations or whether he’s being corrupted by demonic wiles or whatever; if he does, he seems to think he’s well-equipped enough to deal with it himself. No, it’s Crowley he’s worried about. ‘They’ll destroy you if they find out’ seems to be a frequent objection to any risky plan the two of them have, and the best comfort Crowley can give is, ‘Not if they don’t find out.’ It’s only when things get really dicey that Aziraphale pulls out the ‘I might get in trouble too’ card, which reads more along the lines of ‘Well if you’re going to be stubborn and not consider yourself, consider me!’ The last step is pushing Crowley away, and it’s not for Aziraphale’s own benefit. Aziraphale is motivated to keep Crowley as safe as possible whilst acknowledging that he himself is a huge danger to Crowley. There’s also the fact that Crowley himself is scared of Hell; hence the whole ‘I’m not nice! Don’t say thank you! Shut up I didn’t save you I was in the area! My lot don’t send rude notes!’ He is so scared he needs to set up plausible deniability for his good actions towards Aziraphale; something Aziraphale doesn’t seem to bother with for himself in regards to his own questionable actions on behalf of Crowley.

There’s also the fact that the both of them accept a lot of Heaven’s propaganda as read. Both Aziraphale and Crowley accept that Heaven is the ‘good’ side and that Hell is a harsh negative force, while Heaven could be counted on to be good. While Aziraphale identifies in the book the link between how suffering can give opportunities to find salvation, neither of them link how mischief, temptation and chaos are needed before grace and order can manifest themselves positively. Both Aziraphale and also Crowley just accept that Hell is totally in the wrong most, if not all the time. This is also probably why Crowley clings to the ‘I didn’t really fall/I didn’t mean to fall’ narrative he keeps repeating.

So, considering that both of them seem to believe in the inherent goodness of Heaven, and because of that neither of them considered that Heaven would go so far as to destroy one of their own...like, can you imagine the utter shock and despair that Crowley must have felt, seeing that huge gout of Hellfire meant for his Angel? In contrast, both Aziraphale and Crowley have had hundreds of years to come to terms with the danger Crowley was in, and you could kind of see that in how Aziraphale acted in Crowley’s trial; he made sure to put on as strong a performance as possible, and to really put the boot into everyone involved to make sure they understood as clearly as possible that Crowley is to be left alone Or Else. But Crowley? It was transparently a struggle to keep his facade on, let alone make any demands of Heaven’s hosts (also as an aside, how lovely and heartbreaking that Crowley thought that Aziraphale would be so fearless and full of so much grace at the end of everything. ‘May we meet on a better occasion’ makes me cry so hard). He is so, so still with the effort to control his anger, and also his shock at how far Heaven would go to destroy Aziraphale.

I found it telling how subdued Crowley was once the two of them switched back. Aziraphale shared tidbits about his ordeal straight away, and is clearly flush with victory and relief that his greatest fears, that Crowley would be destroyed by Hell and/or by Holy Water, have been overcome. Crowley laughs with Aziraphale, but he looks away and shares no details about his own ordeal. Instead, he quietly speculates on a situation worse than the the one they had just overcome, waiting for them in the future.

Aziraphale has overcome his greatest fear, but I think at the end Crowley has just found his; he’s now in a similar but arguably worse situation that Aziraphale had been in for the past 1,000 years, where he had to look squarely at the potential consequences of their relationship and how it could lead to Aziraphale’s destruction. Aziraphale speculated all these years, but Crowley was trapped in Aziraphale’s skin and had to live it. Crowley has low self-esteem at the best of times; add to that the fact that being around the person he loves the most in all of Creation could have lead, and maybe could still lead to Aziraphale’s destruction?

I imagine that Crowley would try to push Aziraphale away. I imagine he might just disappear for a while. I imagine he might fall into a deep, deep despair as he realises how poisonous his presence has been to Aziraphale these long millenia. Considering how little he thinks of himself, he may even blame himself for how Gabriel and the others treated Aziraphale. He would also know that Hell and especially Heaven are still out there, and how safe are the both of them really? Hell is a known entity, but would Heaven actually just leave them alone? And what does that mean for everything, that Heaven and Hell are as bad as one another? Will he ever tell Aziraphale just how much contempt his kin hold him in; that these beings that apparently are made of love find Aziraphale so unloveable? That the same entities that spared angels that rebelled against the Almighty Herself delighted in the thought of destroying Aziraphale? How can Crowley tell him? And if he doesn’t, how much will this knowledge poison Crowley, this horrible secret with no outlet except to hurt the person he loves the most with the truth?

It’s a terrible irony that just as Aziraphale is ready to pull the breaks up and say Go as fast as you like Crowley dear, I’m holding onto you now and I will never let go again, it would be Crowley that Heaven would traumatise to the point of paralysis. Thanks a lot Gabe, you putz.

Seriously though, even though the Apocalypse was put to rest, the new and old trauma these two have suffered would not have been. What gives me hope is that Aziraphale finally has the freedom to be the strong one; the guardian and healer that a Principality is made to be. I think Aziraphale will chase down Crowley wherever he might disappear to and fill him with love and protection, and remind him that You have always done the same for me, after all. I imagine them happy and whole in the end, but not right away, and maybe not for a very long time.

[moveslikebucky]

Chapters: 2/5 Fandom: Good Omens (TV), Indiana Jones Series Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens) Characters: Aziraphale (Good Omens), Crowley (Good Omens), Arnold Ernst Toht, Sallah (Indiana Jones), Rene Belloq Additional Tags: Indiana Jones Fusion, Canon Compliant, If You Squint - Freeform, Pulp Adventure, nazis but they all die, Strong Aziraphale (Good Omens), Mutual Pining, Ark of the Covenant, References to Ancient Egypt, Crowley Loves Aziraphale (Good Omens), Aziraphale Loves Crowley (Good Omens), First Kiss, Fade to Black, slight mentions of trueforms, the inherent tenderness of healing miracles, crowley unionizes some snakes, and gets trapped in a glass case of Emotion, but really it's just a demon trap, Alcohol, Quite extraordinary amounts of alcohol, bickerflirting, Post-Scene: St James's Park 1862 (Good Omens), it's not like right after but it's important, die nazi scum, Animal Death, but the animal works for the nazis so, temporary implied discorporation, don't worry he's fine Summary:

CHAPTER 2 - REVAMPED AND RENEWED!

As y’all know from my post on Tuesday, I have revised and re-edited the first two chapters of my Raiders of the Lost Ark fusion; so here is Chapter 2!  After this I’ll be posting on Thursdays starting with Chapter 3 next week!  Snippet below, followed by the link to AO3 <3 <3

And a big major thank you as always to @yamisnuffles for making this exist with her screen cap redraws, to @narumikaiko for amazing beta work, and @luritto for the brit-picking - and to everyone in GPH, SOSH, WPH, and MoFu for their cheerleading on this! I love y’all so much!

---

Cairo, Egypt.  1936

The flight from Nepal was awkward to say the least.  Aziraphale was struggling with his thoughts; so many things he could say.  That he wanted to say.  All of them boiling down to the barest of apologies before they could force their way out of his mouth.  Based on how much Crowley was fidgeting in his seat, he was pretty sure they were in similar boats in this situation.

It was strange to consider.  They had gone longer without speaking.  Whole millennia in a couple of instances.  This time felt different.  This time felt like there was a line drawn in the sand, waiting for one of them to cross it.  Crowley had always been an unstoppable force; Aziraphale, in this case, was the immovable object.  Stuck in a stalemate of little more than pride.

Aziraphale risks a glance in Crowley’s direction, finds ochre eyes fixed on his own.  He smiles nervously, darting his eyes back away and worrying at the ring on his little finger.  Aziraphale wonders when exactly Crowley had started making him this particular brand of anxious.  

“How is it that I tempted humans into knowledge, and you ended up a professor?” Crowley says clearing his throat, breaking the silence, “What did your lot have to say about that?”

“Nothing at all, actually.  Seems they’re still a bit behind on paperwork from the Great War, they’ve left me alone for several decades now.”  Aziraphale relaxes a bit, letting the tension ease out of his shoulders.

“Nice then, innit?” Crowley was doing his best to use the airplane seat in the most incorrect way possible, “Do what you want, they just bugger off.  Haven���t heard from my lot in a while either, figured it was the geography.  They’re probably just as swamped as yours though.”

“Wouldn’t surprise me,” Aziraphale says, smiling kindly at a stewardess who hands him a package of peanuts, “Tell me more about Nepal, how on earth did you end up somewhere so dreadfully cold?”

“Dunno, really,” Crowley says, grinning from ear to ear, “beacon of bad ideas and dangerous people, seemed a good idea at the time, I guess.”

Maybe this isn’t such a lost cause, Aziraphale thinks to himself as he feels the frozen decades between them start to melt, maybe we can at least get back to where we were.

A few hours later, stepping off of the airplane and onto the tarmac in Cairo, Aziraphale steals a glance at Crowley.  He’s stretching his arms high over his head, as though reaching up to touch the sun.  Probably hadn’t seen good sunlight in years.  It would be no surprise to Aziraphale to see some of Crowley’s more snake-like tendencies come out here, where the air is warm and dry.6  He immediately averts his gaze when Crowley’s shirt rides up just a bit too high.  Sure enough, there are the beginning of scales creeping up his spine.

Aziraphale swallows hard and bids his heart to quit pounding as Crowley turns back to him with a smile.  It’s one of pure unbridled happiness tinged with just a bit of mischief.  Aziraphale rolls his eyes, feigning annoyance in the face of his own affections, and scans the area.  Soon enough he notices a short man in a smart cream suit hurrying towards them.

“Ezra, my old friend!  Welcome!  Welcome to Cairo; city of the living! Paradise on Earth,” Sallah pulls Aziraphale into a friendly hug, practically lifting him off the ground.

Aziraphale was always happy to see a friendly face, especially one of his oldest human friends.  He and Sallah had worked together in the early twenties, and there was no one he could count on more for this.

“It’s good to see you again, my friend,” Aziraphale says with a wide smile, “And how are Fayah and the kids?  I believe in our last correspondence you said there were eight of them now?”

“Nine as it were!  It’s been a while since I’ve written,” Sallah looks over to Crowley, a bit perplexed, “And who is your friend here?”

Crowley extends a hand, “Crowley, I’m an...associate of Dr. Fell’s.”  Crowley shoots a rather pointed look in Aziraphale’s direction, raising his eyebrow, before Sallah pulls him into a bone-breaking hug.  Aziraphale suppresses a laugh at Crowley’s clear discomfort before Sallah lets him go.

“Any friend of Ezra’s is a friend of mine, indeed,” he says with a laugh that shakes through his whole body, “Come, you are both welcome in our home!  We will discuss Tanis there.”

Sallah hurries ahead of them to his truck and Aziraphale turns to Crowley.

“What?” Aziraphale asks, not meeting Crowley’s gaze.

“ Ezra? ” the demon asks, grinning like a madman.  “Really?”

Aziraphale huffs indignantly, “What’s wrong with my alias?”

“Nothing,” Crowley says, face softening, “suits you, sort of.”

Aziraphale knows the tips of his ears must be turning pink, but he ignores it.  “Oh, well, thank you.”  His eyes dart away from Crowley’s face, unable to reconcile the softness of that smile with the warmth in his chest.  Aziraphale tries his best not to look at him as they clamber into the truck.

The trip to Sallah’s home is uneventful, but Aziraphale holds onto his worries.  The strange German man from the bar had escaped, and though Aziraphale would love to think that was the last of it, he’s sure their troubles aren’t over.

Given his time here on Earth though, was that really so out of the ordinary?  He and Crowley both had seen so much in their millennia of life, been party to so many wars and acts of espionage.  Of kings and countries, warlords and barbarians, even of God and Lucifer themselves.  This would be just another drop in that bucket.

Aziraphale looks out the window, keeping a watch on surroundings as they drive into Cairo proper.  He can tell Crowley is on edge, too.  They’ve been in situations like this before, but independently of each other.  Usually Crowley would be the one sweeping in at the end and saving him.  He didn’t need Crowley to save him now, he’d been doing this for years at this point.

[Continue Reading on AO3]

[frenchibi]

[anon asked: “I’m not even in the fandom yet but I’ve seen art and they look cute, and I love your writing. So how about, One is planning a surprise of some sort for the other, and is trying to keep it a secret but is lowkey terrible. pick whoever you want for each role.” - I tried to reply and the ask got eaten, oof... anyway anon I hope you know I love you for this, thank you so, so much. Have a thing.]

~~~

Crowley is up to something.

Aziraphale knows this with some certainty. Now, obviously, as a literal demon and force of chaos he is, by definition, always up to something, but particularly in light of recent events he’s been way less conspicuous about it, until now. Less of that don’t look now but I might make you miss your bus and drop your favourite book in the rain kind of thing that was always palpable to Aziraphale, probably by virtue of his angelic senses, but also just by virtue of knowing Crowley quite well (despite denying it) and being able to recognize when the thing Crowley happened to be up to was particularly, well… dastardly.

Not that Crowley has ever done anything truly despicable. Not since- well, ever. The apple thing was arguably a catalyst for… well, everything, but Aziraphale can and will argue that free will and knowing the difference are not inherently good or bad things, in the long run. Really, they have Crowley to thank for humanity, don’t they?

The point, he argues with himself, pointedly ignoring the clattering from behind the next few shelves as he delicately turns a page of the book in his lap, is that for the first time since well before the Apocalypse that Wasn’t, Crowley is up to something in that old, traditional sense of the phrase. Concocting some sort of plan. And trying very, very hard to pretend that he isn’t.

It’s incredibly ridiculous, really, because Aziraphale had expected Crowley to be aware of the fact that he can sense the slightest change in the demon’s attitude, and that even the idea of making any kind of mischief would not pass without his knowledge. As an angel (and, again, a Crowley-connoisseur), Aziraphale is incredibly aware of these shifts and he hasn’t exactly been hiding it. Careful to always shoot Crowley a look if he happened to be around when one of them took place, when a hint of oh, I could mildly inconvenience SO many people with this even crossed the demon’s mind. Careful to always look appropriately scandalized, even if in some instances, not-quite-deeply-enough under the surface, he might have enjoyed witnessing some of the subtle discomfort Crowley is prone to causing. Especially to people, who, well. Might kind of be pricks, no offense.

Well, maybe some offense. The lines are blurry, and honestly, after everything that’s happened, Heaven and its morality can bugger off.

Which doesn’t change the fact that Aziraphale is quite unsettled by this whole up to something business. He knows Crowley is no longer really involved with hell, so there is no conceivable reason he should be doing something truly worrying, something questionable, except for his own enjoyment – and that idea doesn’t sit quite well with Aziraphale. Sure, Crowley has always been wily, but in a charming way, in an I can’t even help it, angel kind of way, but not for the particular enjoyment of making other people’s lives miserable. Slightly unpleasant, maybe.

If that’s the only goal, he might just be succeeding.

Aziraphale rereads the same sentence for the third time before closing his eyes and sighing. It’s no use.

“Crowley,” he says, with the air of a parent to a two-year-old, gently reprimanding their toddler for the fifth time for trying to eat play-doh.

There’s a particularly loud clattering sound that can only mean something falling, followed by some scrambling, and then the demon’s slightly flushed face pokes around the edge of the nearest bookshelf.

“D’you say something, angel?”

“…what on earth are you doing back there?” He fights to keep his voice neutral – Crowley knows how he feels about his collection, and how upset he’d be if any of his priceless volumes were damaged. He doesn’t need to say it again.

“Uh,” Crowley says, eloquently.

Aziraphale raises his eyebrows, and lowers his book. “I do hope you’re not breaking anything-”

“Oh, no, not to worry, angel, not to worry-”

“…because it sounds like you’re making quite the mess of my shop. What are you up to?”

Crowley grins a grin that Aziraphale could only describe as sheepish, and it feels incredibly out of place on his face.

“…would you believe me if I said ‘nothing’, angel?”

Aziraphale’s eyes narrow. “Certainly not, with the racket you’re causing.”

Crowley takes a small step out from behind the shelf, rubbing the back of his neck as he does so, and looking quite bashful now. “…and if I asked you to bear with it for a bit, and to trust me…?”

Well. That’s new.

“You’re not playing one of these practical jokes on me, are you, Crowley? Because I’ll have you know I do not take kindly to people messing with my things-”

Even before the sentence fully leaves his mouth, he knows it was the wrong thing to say. Something like vulnerability flashes across Crowley’s face – he’s quick to cover it up with a sway of his hips and a lazy smile, but Aziraphale catches it nonetheless, and bites his tongue.

“Right, yeah. I’ll keep that in mind. Don’t let me distract you from your reading – I’ll keep it down.”

“Keep what down-”

“Nothing, angel, nothing at all.”

He makes to move away, and Aziraphale, though reluctant, begins to rise from his chair.

“Crowley-”

It happens so fast, all he feels is the rush of air and then Crowley is right beside him, pushing him back down into the chair by the shoulders.

“Ah- see, I’m gonna need you to not… leave this chair for a bit.”

“Wh-”

“I know it’s outlandish to trust a demon, but maybe this once you can give me the benefit of the doubt? Maybe believe that there is absolutely nothing going on behind these shelves – you never bloody leave the room, so there wasn’t really a way around this-”

“But-”

“Christ’s sake, angel, just- read your bloody book and let me do this!”

He gets loud there, towards the end, and Aziraphale flinches, ever so slightly. Crowley visibly softens; a hint of regret, perhaps something like shame.

“Look- you’re… you’re really hard to surprise, but I’m trying.”

Even as he says it, Aziraphale realizes his mistake. What he’d taken for malice, for an aura of mischief, of plotting – it falls away like the obvious cover that it always was (and how could it have been anything else), leaving behind only what’s genuinely emanating from Crowley now, clearly palpable to Aziraphale’s angelic senses: apprehension, a flutter of nerves, a spring coiled tight in anticipation. Something like excitement, hiding a tiny twinge of fear, and a large dollop of hope to top it all off.

Oh.

“…oh,” Aziraphale says softly.

There’s something else, too, underneath it all, and he catches it before Crowley can cover it up. It’s hurt.

Aziraphale closes his book, raises his hands to place them over Crowley’s.

“I’m so sorry, dear. I- I shouldn’t have mistrusted you.”

Crowley gives that self-deprecating half-shrug that Aziraphale is way too used to seeing. “S’alright, angel. ‘m a demon, after all. No good for trusting, all that jazz.”

He shakes his head. “I trust you more than anyone else in this universe, Crowley.”

“…unless you think I’m messing with your books,” Crowley amends, but he’s smiling, and it feels a little more genuine. Aziraphale knows he can’t undo the damage he’s just done by way of a simple apology. He should have known to give Crowley the benefit of the doubt – he should have known to do that for centuries, now. Maybe always.

“No modifiers,” he says. “Not… not unless. I do, in everything. With my life.”

Anything else is unacceptable by now. They’ve saved each other’s lives countless times.

“Don’t get all mushy on me,” Crowley says with feigned distaste. “S’not that big a deal. Wanted you thinking I was up to something, after all. To hide the surprise. Guess it was a little too effective.”

Aziraphale smiles. “Perhaps a tad.”

“…so, would you… just give me another couple of minutes? So I can finish up?”

His smile widens, and he returns his hands to the book in his lap. “I have no idea whatsoever what you might be referring to. I’m just reading, is all.”

Crowley lingers, just long enough for Aziraphale to get caught in the incredibly fond expression on his face.

“…thanks, angel.”

Then he gives his shoulders a short squeeze and pushes away, back around the nearest shelf and out of sight.

~~~

[ao3 link in replies, as always reblogs give me life & I read y’all’s tags & cry]

I know this ending is a cop-out - I wasn’t sure what I wanted the surprise to be! Any ideas? Suggestions? Requests? ((Requests are open!!))

[thegoodomensdumpster]

OK so there’s a thing about Aziraphale that I don’t think I’ve seen tackled in the exact terms I have in mind, maybe I missed the posts about it, but here are my two cents. CW / TW : I talk about cults a little bit in this super long post  The first thing that hit me about this idiot is in how much cognitive dissonance he is ( love me some cognitive dissonance, being irrationnal is a huge part of what makes humans interesting imo, and it’s tough to write it correctly ) and the cult-like quality of Heaven.  Now, people might argue that in Good Omens, Heaven is just like a workplace, a big corporation with, maybe, some strong internal behaviour chart or something like that. And it is true. But it shapes angels minds so much that I think it has more in common with cults than it has with corporations, even really alienating ones. So I’ll stick with my comparison. Of course, it’s rather obvious and has been expressed by several people that Aziraphale is -  voluntarily or unconsciously - blind to his true feelings towards Crowley, be them friendship or love ( I’m more on the “love” side of things if you couldn’t tell ). 

And likewise, I’ve seen comments about how his character arc defining moment was when he understood that what he cared about wasn’t what Heaven cared about, and that they were kinda horrible actually, and from this point on he was able to be more proactive.  But here is the thing. I’ve been a bit interested in how cults work and I’ve seen multiple interviews and analysis from former cult members ( fortunately I’ve never been part of one myself ) and it really isn’t a stretch to me to say that this was very reminiscent of how it happened for Aziraphale and Heaven’s influence towards him.

I have a feeling that I’m pointing at horribly obvious things, but anyway, here is the list: - he had to understand that Heaven wasn’t right all the time on his own - he was lucky enough to have the support of someone outside Heaven - Crowley has been a soft influence on him over time, without ever forcing him to abandon his beliefs but empirically showing him everyday that Heaven wasn’t right about everything ( hence the huge cognitive dissonance... you’ve got a demon who loves you and shows it everyday while Heaven tells you demons are incapable of love, and you chose to believe Heaven ? my dude, that’s such a human thing to do ) - so between Crowley and his own experiences on Earth with humans and his own feelings, no matter how deep he tried burrying them, his beliefs were almost constantly being challenged ( which is why apathy and closing up were good survival strategies as I’ve seen it masterfully put in words in another post I reblogged: it was more comfortable to not think and act on it and stay in the narrow lane Heaven had told him to walk rather than shattering his whole world view ) - and the key word I haven’t seen anywhere to sum up what exactly made Aziraphale’s change possible is essentialism. He couldn’t change until he stopped being an essentialist, and essentialism is the base of Heaven’s doctrine.

For those of you who are not familiar with the word, essentialism is the belief that essence precedes existence. In more understandable terms: if bad things happen to you, it’s because you must deserve them, because you have a bad soul from the start. Essentialism is one of the roots of sexism, racism, and possibly any kind of prejudice you can think of. And in Good Omens, Heaven is bathing in essentialism. It’s very obvious with the way Aziraphale considers that demons are inherently evil. If they weren’t evil straight from the start, they would have never become demons. This makes it such a comforting thought to have, because when you’re an angel that means: - you are inherently good - because you are inherently good, you can do no evil - you can do no bad choices - and if you make no bad choice, and if you can do no evil, then you cannot fall and become a demon yourself This is such a dangerous way of thinking, because it is accompanied by a pride and / or a wrongly placed feeling of rightfullness that can make you lose all common sense and hurt people very very badly. Because you are utterly convinced you cannot hurt anyone, or you just don’t care because if you are one of the good ones and you end up hurting someone, then they probably deserved it or else you would have never hurt them. There is no real choice or free will or any place for change under strict essentialism. And essentialism is almost always a key component, a cement even, in cults doctrines. It keeps cults members under the impression that they are in the right, and it helps trapping them. Because, if you are still an essentialist, but you want to leave the cult, then what does that mean ? It means the cult is right, and you changing your mind means that you never were one of the right people to begin with. And you don’t want to be a bad person. So you stay.  Or you think this particular cult is wrong and you teamed up with the bad guys for a while, which is not a comforting thought to have, but at least you are still the Most Righteous Good Person In The World...  So, either that, or you let go of essentialism, admit that you wasted a lot of time and energy endorsing things that were potentially harmful to yourself and others. And it is a very painful thing to do. This later path is often the one former cult members had to go through. ( At least based on my non-extensive personal knowledge. ) And that was what Aziraphale had to go through as well. Only when he finally let go of his essentialist view of the world was he able to get closer to who he really is as an individual. He was able to finally admit that he could think differently from Heaven and still be right / good, and therefore... same for Crowley. His relationship with Crowley, once essentialism is out of the way, will finally be able to blossom because it was the worst barrier they had between them.  And aside from all that essentialism rant, which is extremely interesting on its own - at least to me - Aziraphale is such a well written character and has so much personnality, I’m just so happy he was written like the terrible angel mess he is. I love him. That will be all for my rant about cults and essentialism. Sorry. Have a nice day.

[subtext-bycalvinklein]

[you have probably already seen the first half of this because I am dumb and I posted it without making sure it was saved in full. I apparently am REALLY bad at making Tumblr work. Not that I am surprised by that, but still.]

Hi, I know, long time no see, I’m still a tinhat-wearing garbage-can who has no idea how to properly use Tumblr and English still isn’t my first language so kindly forgive any mistakes, but I’ve been on a good omens lockdown for the past two months and unfortunately I have Big Thinky Thoughts

The point is- book!Aziraphale&Crowley are very different from TV!Aziraphale and Crowley. But not in the sense that they’re different characters: they are the very same characters you see in the book, it’s just… They act differently. I’ve spent the last fortnight turning in bed, asking myself WHAT made them feel so different from the book and WHY it was. And then it hit me: the TV show characters operate under a system of beliefs that the book characters have already overcome. This makes sense, because while the book characters to me feel more settled and “static”, in the same way two old dudes who are just waiting for retirement have already grown into their skin and mostly know who they are, TV!A&C feel a lot younger to me, and we have the pleasure of watching their character as they develop, as they become more and more aware of who they are and what they want. Because THAT ultimately is the point: neither of them is really, completely AWARE of the point they’ve “gone native” up until the last episode.

I think it’s way easier to see in Aziraphale: in the book, he doesn’t shy away from bad deeds, he seems to acknowledge his “”“moral greyness”“” and the fact that his loyalty to Crowley overrides his loyalty to heaven -and that this isn’t something he is supposed to do, but his loyalty to the Arrangement is way more profound than his acquiescence towards heaven. His identity is not just formed around the fact that he is an angel: that’s just part of it, and that’s what makes it easier for him to be aware of his “bit of a bastard”. It doesn’t come as a surprise, for him, just as the spark of goodness isn’t surprising for Crowley. It’s just something they avoided talking about because, well, if anyone else had heard them, it wouldn’t have ended well. (But we’ll come back to this later on.) TV!Aziraphale, instead, seems to base almost all of his identity (what he consciously decides it’s his identity) solely on the fact that he is an angel: he HAS to be good, he HAS to do what is right. All those things he does that he knows are frowned upon in Heaven are quickly discarded, considered outliers, because they cause such great cognitive dissonance he cannot bear it. At first, he seems to be starting to question the Great Plan, but around the time Crowley comes asking for the holy water¹, he seems to realise fully how dangerous everything they’re doing is, and sweeps all of his doubts under a big, heavy rug of denial. Because it’s either that, or being wiped off the face of the Earth (and the whole creation) or completely losing his identity by Falling (because he wouldn’t be an angel anymore, and he’s based on this facet of himself like 99% of his identity), which is A Huge Effing Deal, especially since it’s the narrative of himself he’s been building for almost six millennia. So, Aziraphale has put in place a system of beliefs which says: God created Angels. God is perfect, and since The Almighty created Angels to be good, they are good. Therefore, I am Good, and I cannot be anything else. Does this take into account that “Good” is a broad definition that changes with the point of view? Nope. It doesn’t take into account, either, the fact that Heaven and Hell are, in truth, just names for sides, and not that different at all. Another mistake Aziraphale does it’s an attributional error: he thinks that everything good he does it’s because he’s an angel, and therefore supposed to be good, and expects other angels to be like him, when often it’s really Aziraphale *as an individual* who does Good Deeds.

Belief systems aren’t inherently Bad: they give us fixed points² in the sea of change, and it’s vital for us to have them. Belief systems become Bad the moment they don't serve their purpose anymore: that is, when instead of being helpful, they hold you back from understanding, from exploring possibilities. And that's what happens to Aziraphale and, to some extent, Crowley: they both cling to their beliefs even tho they're shown time and time again that what they think it's wrong, and they choose to cling to them because the alternative is to float in the sea of the unknown.

It is only once Aziraphale confronts the falseness of his beliefs (the moment he faces the Angels and they tell him they won't prevent the Apocalypse) that he is able, once and for all, to eradicate his belief system and integrate in a new sense of Self all of those traits he usually denied about himself.

What about Crowley, then? His belief system looks a liiittle bit more grounded in reality... Except not really. While, yes, he seems less bound to Hell, and justly distrustful, he doesn't fare all that better. It's just more tricky to recognise, because it's more about Crowley himself than it is about heaven or hell.

Book!Crowley, since the beginning, is literally a very tired, very old, very uncool entity who is just waiting to retire from a job he hates to spend his time tending to his plants and doting on his adversary-slash-bestfriend-slash-husband. He is pretty much aware of the fact that, while he loves mischief, he doesn't like actively harming anyone, is really repulsed by the idea of hurting deeply someone. He knows this, and knows Aziraphale knows this. He just doesn't like stating it out in the open because he is a paranoid bastard afraid anyone will overhear them -and rightly so, I might add, because, as stated beforehand, there will be Consequences. When Aziraphale tells him he is, after all, nice, he's resigned, because being nice doesn't make being a demon very easy. But that trait is already stark clear in his Self-image, and he acts accordingly.

TV!Crowley, tho? The moment he is dubbed "nice" literally explodes in anger.

This is not about "telling the whole blessed world", this is about Crowley not having the faintest idea he has the spark of goodness inside himself. He has convinced himself that since he Fell, since he is a demon, he must be Bad. And this, imho, is reflected in the way he takes credit for the Really Bad Stuff humans have done, as well: he is trying so bad to uphold the image of a Big Bad Demon, he tries to rejoice when people do bad stuff, even though it's clear he doesn't like it one bit.

And that's because if his and Aziraphale's belief system have one thing in common, is their trust in God: if the Almighty cast him out of heaven, there must have been a reason, and that reason is that, deep down, he isn't good. Crowley's self image is built all around that, as much as his acts of kindness probably end up mislabeled as selfishness³. And that is because he cannot accept that his Fall, something that still plagues him after six millennia, that has left him with such a scar that his plants take the brunt of it, was just over "asking questions". The punishment doesn't fit the "crime", and it's difficult, if not impossible, for the human, or occult, or ethereal mind to accept that sometimes events so painful happen for no reason.

It's imperative, then, for the dismantling of his disfunctional belief system, that he confronts the truth: there is very little inherently Evil within himself. And that moment occurs when a desperate Crowley talks to God Herself (Themselves? I'm not sure if the Almighty uses they/them or she/her, sorry) and admits that the only wrong thing he did was asking questions. From then on, he slowly becomes able to face his own spark of goodness, to admit it in his own Self-image.

In conclusion: while it makes sense that the book characters had their moment of acknowledgement in the middle of the action, as it's a truth they already knew from the beginning and, since they were about to face Consequences anyway, they might as well voice it aloud, it is just as apt for the TV characters to say it at the very end of the story, because for them it's a starting point to the rest of their existences: they finally fully know who they are and what they want, and they will start the rest of the journey with that knowledge.

Thanks for coming to my TED talk, some of the swearing is censored not because I disapprove of it but because I don't want Tumblr to decide it shouldn't be posted in the tag and, as we've previously established, I'm really bad at this.

Footnotes and be thankful this is just the work of an evening of procrastination because I'm known for "making metas that require a bibliography" but I didn't have the time to check my social psy books

1: I might expand on this someday, but I actually have Thoughts on the whole "Aziraphale Being An Heaven-Abiding Angel" thing, and how it heavily relates to Crowley and Aziraphale's dynamic; the holy water break-up in the 19th century seemed a good milestone for the moment

2. Yes, I was thinking of the whole "fixed point in a changing age" thing from His last bow, and yes, my eyes got misty while writing it and I don't have any allergies to blame it onto. My brain is an attic and it's full of ACD Canon quotes and by this point I couldn't get rid of them if I wanted to.

3. This is heavy tinhatting but I honestly feel like he often tries to pass off his kindness as "I like this and I want this so I have to do something". The clearest example is: he feels that the whole world shouldn't be destroyed because it's unfair? Surely it's just because he likes living here, not because he cares, pfffftttttt

*saunters vaguely back to studying*

[left-handed-roots]

Explaining Traditional Craft

Practices like Wicca tend to place focus more on ceremonial magic (Western Occult Tradition) practices, and ritual. Gerald Gardner, the founder of Wicca, had amassed an array of knowledge from the occult and the esoteric. Many of his influences for Wicca arose from the practices of the Order of the Golden Dawn, Freemasons, Rosicrucians, as well as many of Aleister Crowley's writings. Wiccans tend to see all gods and goddesses representing the primary God and Goddess with an emphasis being placed on the Goddess over the God and incorporating deities from various cultures and traditions. Wiccan beliefs include the Threefold Law, Wiccan Rede as well as the full Wheel of the Year.

In the Traditional Craft many practitioners work with the deities associated from the land in which they reside, their ancestral heritage, folk magic (often passed down from family member to family member) and through deities shown to them through their journeys or Going Within. Many tend to originate from Britain. Traditional Crafters place strong emphasis on the various cultural attributes and historical significance of the deities when incorporating them into ritual. For some practitioners of Traditional Craft there is emphasis placed on The Horned God, but the God and Goddess are often typically seen as equal and balanced. The Gods and Goddesses in Traditional Craft as well as all beings are often seen as equal to the practitioner and something to be honored as an equal as opposed to being strictly revered.One doesn't require Deities or the worship thereof as everything in reality is considered sacred.

In Traditional Craft nature is seen as both a beautiful yet harsh force. The perfect, ultimate balance of all things. Both harsh and gentle, both dark and light. It is neither good nor evil. Traditional Witches work with both the light and the dark aspects and are not afraid to defend their family and their own. It is through the lessons of Mother Nature that Traditional Crafters strive for balance throughout all aspects of their lives. Traditional Witches tend to follow The Law of Return, or Cause and Effect, which is, "For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction." and equally balanced, different to the Wiccan Law of Threefold Return.

Traditional Witches tend to view everything and it's connection to the Otherworld as being profoundly linked in an intricate web of energy. In the idea of reincarnation or rebirth it is more viewed in the sense of passing through many different stages of life even after death. Once we pass from this world we will then take another form whether it be actual reincarnating into another person, the land, an animal, or becoming a spirit or energy whether resembling something close to human or not, but ever changing. In Traditional Craft it is about expanding of consciousness into realms of spirit in such a profound way that upon returning tangible changes are brought about into your reality. And from then on to carry those extrasensory abilities and things learned from the other side with you. We do this by going through a state of intense trance or Going Within. While many pagan practices tend to incorporate this Traditional Crafters take this very seriously and view it as a pivotal, predominant aspect of their Craft. Many in the Traditional Craft work with various spirits, spirit guides and the like and welcome them into their workings to help aid in their spellwork. It is the energy that is of utmost importance and helps manifest the desired results. In Traditional Craft it is believed that the entire Earth and everything encompassing it is sacred, therefore a ritual circle is not cast. There are, however, times where a Compass Round might be necessary dependent upon the desired outcome. There is not so much emphasis placed on Ritual and more upon the inner preparation of the mind. As with all various forms of Craft, it is about the practitioner and not so much the tools, though many modern day Traditional Crafters do have their own set of tools and correspondences. There are some Traditional Witches that have come to incorporate various forms of ceremonial magic though many more still do not. As with everything it is up to the practitioner.

Herein lies a brief introduction into Traditional Witchcraft and it's practices. While there are many different paths and belief systems it is important to note that all different paths and beliefs should be respected as it is about the individual practitioner and their own personal journey. There is no right or wrong and while we all hold differing beliefs no one way is inherently better than another.

[demonologist-in-denim]

I agree that the capacity for redemption requires an acknowledgement of past wrongdoings and an expression of remorse. I would argue that actual achievement of redemption involves a character like Crowley actively working to be a better version of himself; taking steps to actively reverse or make amends for those wrongs, or prevent future wrongdoings of a similar nature, or recidivism on his part; and as much as possible, to have recovered from whatever condition or experience or trauma led that character to commit those wrongdoings or hold those values that led to the wrongdoings occurring. Which means, at least for Crowley, that he was capable of redemption, and was on the road of redemption in the later seasons, but was never fully redeemed. And not just because he was still a demon.

Crowley acknowledged that his actions were monstrous. He admitted as much and expressed real remorse during the cure in 8x23, and then again in 10x22. He knew what he was, what he had done, and he hated himself for it. Crowley even says in 10x22 that, by his estimate, he is actively trying to be better than what he was before. But he wasn’t taking steps to reverse the harm he’d done, or make amends, or prevent similar wrongdoings on his own part or other demons’ in the future. The closest he comes to that is deciding to close the Gates of Hell in 12x23, an ace he seems to have had up his sleeve for some time, just waiting for the right opportunity. He didn’t act in a way that would severely limit the harm done by demons while on the throne, because it would have impeded both his own powers and his authority over Hell. Crowley continued to have the capacity for redemption, and was on the right road, but he wasn’t far enough along it yet.

That’s not to say that he wouldn’t have achieved redemption, if given a chance. Unredeemed doesn’t mean irredeemable. With enough time, and enough positive reinforcement and encouragement, Crowley might have done more than just close the Gates of Hell. Apologies are always an important step on this particular road. And working to rebuild or strengthen relationships. Reducing the harm of other demons and violent cryptids would have been another step, and using resources and knowledge and contacts, benefits from his time in service to Hell, to invest in efforts to help those negatively impacted by the supernatural. Trying to be a better version of himself would have also meant attempts at being more empathetic, suppressing his demonic instincts to harm or dominate. It would have meant recognizing and abandoning behavior or attitudes that did damage to himself and the people he came to care about.

Would redemption have required Crowley to no longer be a demon? It’s hard to say, because that gets into a discussion of what are demons, and what does Hell do to souls, and how much agency or free will a soul or corrupted soul might have. It’s a real tangle. If Crowley could do all the things mentioned above, doesn’t that mean he’s found redemption? Or does something innate about what he is, not who, need to change? I would argue that if Crowley himself felt like he could not trust himself not to revert, and wanted to become human so as to no longer be that thing that was capable of causing harm, than that wanting to remove that potential threat is evidence of the deep change needed to achieve redemption, whether he actually becomes human or not. Because ultimately, it is not about what someone is, but who they are – a better version of themselves. (Do I often have Crowley completing the cure in my fics? Yes, but not because I think he needs to do that to achieve redemption, or because it’s the final culmination of that road. It’s a choice he makes, not a requirement.)

Another point the above posts make that is exceptionally important is that a redemption arc not culminating in a story doesn’t mean the character is inherently irredeemable. The character may not be redeemable – they might die or cease to exist having never failed to walk very far down that road of redemption, never having moved past the capacity for it into actively working towards it. Redemption arcs can also be terminated by the character themselves, or aborted by other characters in the story. Both Sam and Rowena make a point of attempting to abort Crowley’s redemption narrative, Sam in 10x22 and Rowena in season 10 by continuously challenging and mocking Crowley’s better efforts and friendship with Dean. Crowley himself attempts but ultimately fails to terminate it after his confrontation with Sam in 10x22. He might have gone back to his old ways after that, blood-born conscience be damned. Crowley might have chosen to disregard his experiences and swallow his discomfort and continued on ordering the torturing of souls and the death of the Winchesters. He might have decided his capacity for redemption was minimal compared to his willingness to pursue it, or bear the obvious burden of seeking it. But he didn’t.

That Crowley died before embracing his capacity for redemption and actively working towards it doesn’t negate that capacity, or the steps he made towards being a better version of himself. A character’s death without redemption doesn’t mean they couldn’t have continued on or entirely aborted that redemption arc had they lived or events in the latter part of their story gone differently. I personally think that Crowley was on the verge of fully investing in his road to redemption in 12x23, and that had he lived – had he been allowed to live by the showrunners – that he would have actively pursued it. Maybe not as actively as I write it in some of my fics, but enough. Maybe he would have even gotten to that point, later on, after enough time as one of the boys. We can’t know. (I know. I know it, dammit.)

We do say in the spn fandom that “Crowley deserved to be loved” and “Crowley deserved better”. And yes, to the point one of the above posts made about the use of the word “deserve”, when Crowley said that in 8x23, he didn’t “deserve” to be loved. He hadn’t done anything that had earned him love, and he wasn’t inherently worthy of it either, given his past but very recent and very bloody actions. But his growth over the seasons, his increasing capacity to be a better person, and the (admittedly small) ways in which he acted as that better self, did earn him love – ours, the fandom’s, if no one else’s. When we say he deserved better, we mean that that capacity and his efforts increased to the point that he deserved the opportunity to pursue a redemption arc, rather than having it be mercilessly (and pointlessly) cut off. Which, strangely enough, does suggest that we are some external entity handing out redemption based on merit, but that merit is based on Crowley’s growth and his own internal desire for and pursuit of change.

A while a character may not be redeemed based on the moral judgement of another character, that unfortunately holds less true in the internal logic of spn. Because in spn, the show is constructed in such a way that the Winchesters serve as the moral compass for the audience, and the show often fails to present the boys as unreliable narrators – or compromised moral guides – when it comes to things like redemption and demons and individual characters’ worth. We, the fandom, may see Crowley’s capacity ad his striving and his longing, and collectively agree he is making progress on that road towards redemption. But the Winchesters either do not agree or intentionally do not acknowledge this. And in the structure of the show, that means that Crowley couldn’t be redeemed. Redemption in spn required the recognition of and endorsement of the Winchesters. This despite their own considerable moral failings. If Crowley wasn’t good enough for the Winchesters, then he wasn’t good, period. And this, ultimately, is what ended Crowley’s road to redemption, not his death or the end of his story or the showrunners. Because no matter how much capacity Crowley had for redemption, no matter how far down that road he made it, even if he became everything he might have been, if the Winchesters never embraced it, it wouldn’t have mattered. And if his capacity didn’t matter, and his efforts didn’t matter, and his longing didn’t matter, then why bother continuing to fight for redemption?

Do I think Crowley had the capacity for redemption? The entirety of my blog and ever fic I’ve ever written says absolutely, yes. Do I think he was making an effort, and trying to be a better version of himself? Yes, though he had a ways to go. Do I think those efforts and his desire to be better were enough to merit Crowley a redemption arc, to be “deserving” of redemption and love and more than he received from both the Winchesters and the show? Yes, I do. But had Crowley achieved redemption before his own story was so abruptly aborted? No, I don’t think that he had. And that’s why I keep writing, finding new chances for him to walk that road. Crowley had the capacity for redemption, and he could have made it, all the way. He just needed the chance.

Does this villain deserve a redemption arc? Is this villain capable of undergoing redemption?

That's the question we should all be asking ourselves. If a villain acknowledges the error of their ways and expresses remorse, they are therefore capable of embarking on a redemption arc.

But if they're Demona from Disney's Gargoyles - who blames humanity for all her problems/never admits to her mistakes - then you've got an irredeemable villain, regardless of her sympathetic qualities.

In the end, no one "deserves" a redemption arc. What truly matters here is the villain's capacity to change for the better. Sincere character growth.

[hekate1308]

On The Rim

And on we go with the Wheels Verse. 

Read on AO3

Before he knew it, he’d been back for six months.

His life in the parallel world almost seemed like a dream, now.

“Morning, Moose. Back from your run?” he asked when he opened his door.

“Yeah. Dean and Cas are up – they’re making breakfast”.

“Sounds good”.

“Look who’s finally up” Dean announced as he strolled into the kitchen.

It was true – the nightmares he’d grown used to were slowly tampering off, allowing him to sleep better.

“I need my beauty sleep”.

“I’m sure you do”.

He ignored Dean and accepted the cup of coffee Cas offered him.  

It would turn out to be an extraordinary day.

Sam finding them a case was nothing remarkable, but it would lead to... interesting developments.

“Seriously” Dean said slowly, “A frog rain. Frogs fell out of the sky. And there was no tornado or hurricane responsible?”

“None. The frogs aren’t even naturally occurring to Northern America”.

“Alright, sounds like it could be our thing...”

“Frogs have been associated with witches, but back in my day some believed them to be demons, too” Crowley said.

“God please let it be demons”. Dean shuttered. “I hate witches.”

“That’s because of your OCD” Sam teased him.

“I just don’t like wadding through bodily fluids, there’s nothing wrong with that”.

Crowley, after having experienced the Apocalypse, could only agree.

So off they went.

“Wanna ride shotgun?” Dean asked him. “It is your half anniversary in a way, isn’t it?”

He nodded, surprised. Normally he rode in the back, if the others weren’t tired and he got to drive.

After they’d all said goodbye to Juliet (who was growing more playful by the day; there was little of the nasty temper hell hounds usually had left in her) they were on their way to Arizona.

“Thing is” Dean said, “even if this is a witch, that’s a pretty weird thing to do, just letting frogs fall on people. What can they possibly hope to accomplish?”

“If we could ask my mother, I am certain she would have come up with quite a few ideas”.

Despite everything they’d done to each other in their long life, it hadn’t taken him by surprise to identify the strange pang he’d felt as a demon upon learning that she was dead as grief once he’d woken up human.

He’d even discussed it with Mary.

“Emotions aren’t logical” she said quietly one night at the camp fire. “Even after I had read John’s journal and understood how the boys had grown up, it was easier for me to blame monsters and demons at large, when I knew many hunters who settled down and lived a regular life while hunting. My father did that”.

“I met your father” he reminded her. “I’d hardly consider him a good role model”.

She smiled sadly.

“And yet I even grieved for him. It’s just part of being human.”

She looked into the flames.

“Do you think the boys are alright?”

“Winchesters always are, in the end. And they have Cas to look after them” he assured, even though he was still struggling with the fact that he’d never see them again.

“Crowley? You alright?”

He blinked.

“Yes. I was just... thinking”.

Dean nodded, understanding in his eyes.

“Dean, the road!” Sam reminded him.

“Alright, alright”.

He turned his head to drive properly as he said, “Sure annoying with the kids in the back, huh?”

“I am older than all of you combined” Cas piped up.

“You forgot to buy pie the other day, you have no right to complain”.

“I told you they were sold out!”

He turned around to see Sam rolling his eyes.

He doubted anyone would have envied him, but he wouldn’t have traded the life he was leading for anything.

“Alright” Dean decided later in the day, “It has to be witches. Demons don’t spontaneously make all tulips in town bloom”.

“You would be surprised. I once had my minions create a rose garden for me so I could take my tea as Jane Austen intended.”

Dean stared at him for a moment before he chuckled.

“Good one. Almost believed you for a second. Seriously though, what is this witch’s endgame? Do they just really like frogs and tulips and want to make the town prettier?”

“There would be easier ways to accomplish that” Crowley said as they walked back to the Impala. They’d been investigating the tulip situation, while Sam and Cas were interviewing people about the frog train.

Something kept niggling at the back of his mind. One of the more frustrating aspects of being human was the reduced memory; both him and Cas had been struggling to keep the knowledge they’d had as supernatural beings.

Facts certainly weren’t as easy to retain eternally as they had been.

“Alright, tell me what you’re thinking”.

“I don’t know, that’s the problem”.

“Alright. So we’re dealing with witches. Is it something about witches in general?”

The nagging grew louder.

“Yes”.

“Okay, got it, we’re getting warmer. So... is it about their powers?”

They’d developed that little game early on with Cas, it seemed, and when he’d joined them in the bunker they had soon come to use the same tactic. It might have sounded childish, but it usually got the results they needed.

“Yes. Definitely about their... the power, the magic. It’s in overdrive!” he exclaimed, remembering.

“Overdrive?”

“Yes. Magic, as you know, isn’t inherently evil. It’s just a fact of life, like the Loch Ness monster. And when there is too much of it, when not even the witch can properly control the power she’s yielding...”

“Random stuff happens. That’s what you’re saying, right?”

“Exactly”.

“Great. So we have a witch with too much power on their hands”.

The truth turned out to be much more horrifying.

Because when they entered the house of the witch that night – the local librarian, of all people, Cas had found out when he realized all the books on magic in the town library had mysteriously vanished and she hadn’t managed to convince him that she hadn’t known about it – they immediately knew something was wrong.

No one kept a padlock on the door to their basement if they didn’t have anything to hide.

And what she was trying to hide...

Turned out she had been collecting other witches to strive off their magic, too. And many witches were so bound to the powers they had that they were slowly wasting away.

Crowley was checking an emaciated form on a bed, failing to find a pulse, when Sam gasped his name.

Thinking he was being attacked, he wheeled around, gun at the ready, only to see Sam stand by another bed –

With a red-haired occupant.

He managed not to drop his gun but only just.

“Mother!?”

Sam nodded.

“She’s unconscious, but alive”.

Dear God.

She’d beaten death yet again.

He stumbled over to the bed.

“Hey, hey” Dean and Cas showed up.

“Six of them are still alive... unless...”

“No, the one I was checking is dead” he forced himself to say.

“Okay”. Dean squeezed his shoulder.

“Look, Cas is gonna help you carry her to the car and we’ll deal with the witch, alright?”

“Thank you”.

They carefully carried her to the Impala.

Once they’d made her (hopefully) comfortable in the backseat, Crowley said, “We have to get back”.

“You don’t have to – “

“She managed to catch all these witches, Cas. I’m not keen on seeing Sam and Dean like this or worse”.

Cas nodded and they stormed back in.

Luckily, Dean got her with a shot between the eyes just as they arrived back in the basement.

“That should do it. We better call the police and get out of here... They need medical care”.

Crowley feared it might be too late for some of them, but agreed.

His mother appeared to be in a stable condition at least; he figured a lot of rest and time to allow her magic to replenish itself would do the trick.

To get back to the bunker, they had to hotwire another car, since she was occupying the back seat; Sam and Dean decided to drive together while handing Cas the keys to the Impala.

“Cas knows more about magic than we do, and he’s a good driver. No offense, but I don’t want to see you behind a wheel now”.

“That is probably for the best”.

The sight of her had shaken him to his core. He’d made his peace with her death, and he’d moved on, and now...

He appreciated it all the more that the boys had taken him in, no questions asked. Then again, they were probably used to people coming back to life.

He’d never seen it happen as a human.

He turned around to check on her once more.

“She’ll be fine” Cas assured him. “I am sorry I can’t heal her”.

“Not your fault you haven’t got wings anymore”.

“I know. Sometimes I still wish...”

He stopped.

“I understand. You can’t imagine how often I tried to teleport at camp before I got it through my head that I couldn’t anymore”.

“And don’t get me started on sleep” Cas replied.

“Right? The need’s just so annoying...”

They filled the silence punctuated by his mother’s breathing with this inane chatter until they arrived.

“Cas and I’ll clean out a room” Dean said, jumping out of the stolen car. “Sam’s gonna dump this in the meantime. Where – “

“I’ll put her in my bed, won’t be long” he decided.

She looked so small as he lay her down.

He remembered being sick in Scotland as a kid. She could so easily have let him die then, the infant mortality rate had been high anyway; but no, she’d sat by his bedside and nursed him, saving his life.

He swallowed and went to help the boys.

“So you both agree magic should do the trick on its own?” Dean asked when they were done and they had laid down Rowena in her new bed.

He nodded.

“She probably shouldn’t be left alone, though”.

“Six hour shift, then.”

“You don’t have to –“

“Of course we will”.

And thus this discussion ended.

It took three days for her to regain semi-consciousness; and even then, she was only coherent when Crowley happened to be in the room.

Cas saw it as a good sign.

“She’s feeling you’re near” he argued, “which means she knows who she is, at least subconsciously”.

Crowley wasn’t so sure. She never seemed repulsed by his presence, and that didn’t seem like his mother at all.

A week after they’d brought her to the bunker, he was checking her pulse when she suddenly whispered, “I knew you couldn’t be dead. My beautiful son.”

She must be thinking he was Oskar. It was the only explanation.

But then she patted his hand and whispered “Knew she was lying, Fergus” before passing out again.

He stumbled out of the room.

The others were in the library.

“Is Rowena – “ Sam began as soon as he caught sight of him.

“She’s as fine as she can be under the circumstances” he answered.

Cas and Sam traded a glance before leaving him alone with Dean under the pretence of checking up on her together.

“What happened?”

He told him.

“Let me guess, and you have no idea what to think”.

“None”.

After a pause, Dean admitted, “I wouldn’t have either if it was my Mom in there”.

Crowley started to laugh.

“What – “

Dean reached out to him, apparently concerned for his mental state.

“No, I just – I realized – I would know exactly what to do if Mary was in the same position”.

“You mean – oh God you’re right you know her better than anyone of us”.

And then they were both laughing. It was no merry moment; their laughter was born out of pain and bitterness, but it helped.

And four days later, when his mother’s eyes finally cleared, he knew exactly how to greet her.

“Fergus?”

“Yes, but it’s Crowley Winchester now, Mother”.