#Crazy blondies looking at the love of their life wasting time with some other love interest

[herblay]

Every Track in Rise and Fall of a Midwest Princess and which BNHA character it is about.

Yeah that's right I did a bad one about Charli XCX songs and I'm here with ANOTHER atrocity but this time I'm desecrating Chappell Roan our lord and savior I'm sorry. It's out of love. But also a hot mess. And I'm drinking wine alone because I wasted a Sunday night on a first date and I did NOT jive with the gal (she kept talking about her ex help meeeeeeee). Just to #setthescene

Femininomenon: Uraraka Ochako. WHY CAN'T ANY MAN? I love lesbians man. I love lesbians so much. And Ochako you're my favorite as of yet undetermined wuh luh wuh. Love women who like women. And like. Yes. Also again Uraraka is THE Femininomenon. We need her.

Red Wine Supernova: Kirishima Eijirou. I just think he would be on this song. Also his hair! And the vibes! The cool roommates! Didn't quite think it through! I just think he fits! Honorary lesbian! I adopt him into lesbianism!

After Midnight: Shinsou Hitoshi. I also can't explain this one besides "I love a little drama/Let's start a bar fight" being very MonoShin coded and I think Shinsou would be more lighthearted about that. And the spoken part is very command. I like this for him. And it fits the vibes of those two. I love them.

Coffee: Sir Nighteye. He's singing about All Might. I'm crying. Me too bestie! I'm unwell! I love my divorced fathers!

Casual: THEEEE Dabi Hawks anthem and I will not hear otherwise! We kiss I have anger issues! Knee deep in the passenger seat! I love this song it goes so fucking hard and so do they! They are not telling their friends all the details! It's embarrassing and they cannot help themselves!

Super Graphic Ultra Modern Girl: Asui Tsuyu. WE DON'T DESERVE HER! She is my goat! And everyone was hyper mega bummer and did not treat her as she deserved that one time (I'm still mad about how they hurt my girl's feelings at Kamino Ward). I love her, they should all get on her level! (But also I know) (I KNOW) (Present Mic sings this to Aizawa all the time when he's feeling like messing with him) (I support him)

HOT TO GO!: Jirou. Sung to Momo. And it's adorable. It's wonderful. It's perfect. They are all lesbians because I SAID SO damnit. STAND AND CLAP NOW TOUCH YOUR TOES! (The really sick part of me said hot to go is about Dabi but that's just a mean joke how could I ever make it oh wait I just did)

My Kink Is Karma: Todoroki Shouto. Given how he is about his dad! I support a petty queen and Shouto is nothing but a petty queen and this song is about PETTY QUEEN RIGHTS. No need to be hateful in ur fake Gucci sweater because Shouto is doing all the hating in his REAL one u posers.

Picture You: Bakugou Katsuki late late in the narrative about Midoriya Izuku. Because like come on now. Come on now. "It's ritualistic" "I need you around" "Am I in the frame from your point of view?" like COME ON this is about THEM this is FOR BAKUGOU about his DEKU. I'm still wrecked from them. Horikoshi please.

Kaleidoscope: Midoriya Inko. I love her. She deserves better. And the absence of her man, the way she loves Izuku unconditionally no matter what on any terms he wants. Yes Kaleidoscope is a romantic song to an extent but the parental version of it or even just the abstraction of love in general. It's beautiful and unconditional and not always perfect but it's always there and that's what matters. Anyway. I ugly cry to this song. My best friend played it for me on a uke and sang it the other day and I was an ugly wreck. And I am a wreck for Inko because she's such a good and honest person and genuinely does her best for her son. Wow. I'm sniffly.

Pink Pony Club: This is obviously Izuku Midoriya. About quirks ofc, but like the kind of joyous wide eyed earnestness of it all. It's so him. It's so fucking Deku it is perfect. Keep on dancing baby. Have your fun. The joy of it all, the self acceptance, the finding a place of belonging. It's HIM. A year to cause a scene? YES BABY.

Naked In Manhattan: Momo Yaoyorozu. I struggled for this one babes! I did! HOWEVER I do think my sheltered girlie deserves a song about self discovery and fun and GIRLS. I am always on this shit. I will do this for my girlies. They're all lesbians u can't take this from me. The other fun option is David Shield with All Might in their #collegehomosexualrevelries aka when All Might was in the states. I love them. They're a great fling.

California: Shigaraki Tomura. Or Yoichi. Or really any of the OFA holders about their predecessors. Just that hope to get their dreams only to have themselves fail to reach them and it hurts even if it's through no fault of their own. Man. I want them to be happy dawg. But mostly Shigaraki because. Yes. Him and the LOV. Man. "I miss the seasons in Missouri/My dying town/Thought I'd be cool in California/I'd make you proud/To think I almost had it going/I let you down"

Guilty Pleasure: The later, better, more fun DabiHawks song. "I want this like a cigarette" SO TRUE. I love those two lmao they're one of my favorite relationship dynamics. "Some good girls do bad things too" okay girlies you can dream. I love them. They're so fun. Also you can't tell me Hawks wouldn't absolutely go ham on the yodels during karaoke.

ANYWAY TY FOR COMING TO MY TED TALK IT BANGS IT GOES SO HARD I LOVE THIS ALBUM I HOPE ALL OF U ARE YODELING. Please listen to this whole album. Man. I love this album. It goes so fucking hard. It's a pop banger.

[hongjoongspoetry]

You’re never outliving the feet lover allegations my friend 😭 *insert THAT meme* 

At this point I’m printing out your feedback and taping them to my wall because wHAT THE HELL, you get me emotional 🤧🥹

I have to touch on the MC you have created because her personality is so layered that as much as I empathised with her and really like her, I couldn’t help but be annoyed by how selfless she was.

AH, I’m so happy you liked the MC. She’s got quite the complex personality and is most different character I’ve created. It isn’t just her being a fearless, badass all the time, but a human with emotions, errors and fears like everyone else (or at least I hope that’s how I portrayed her).

But then again, I absolutely loved her bond with Nari, and if you were to write a 40k oneshot just with the two of them I’d read the shit out of it because: 1. Nari is hilarious as fck and I laughed too often, 2. Their bond is literally so precious I could never get enough of it

MC and Nari could have a series of their own with the amount of plot I created for them 😭 I’ve been thinking of making small drabbles set in the universe on what the characters are doing but idk we’ll see hehehe 👀

Then MC’s bond with the rest of the boys??? Insane, give me 10 pages long essays about it, please! The fact, again, that I was completely losing my shit when we met San and Mingi speaks volumes of how well you managed to describe them. Also the fact that you indirectly called Mingi a blondie while being blonde literally had me pause and cackle for at least 2 minutes. I need to see more of her and Wooyoung, Mingi, and YEOSANG because that bonfire/dinner scene left me hungry for more. 

I could not write a yuyu zombie fic without involving the other boys in some way😭like we got all that muscle for it to go to waste? I don’t think so 👀 it’s funny too, because Mingi and San are the two most fearsome people in ATEEZ, but here we got them acting like rick and daryl from TWD 😭 I feel like I rarely see Yeosang and MCs’ friendship in fics so I had to give my man his time in the spotlight somehow and tbh, their scenes may be few but they are my favourite so we'll definitely see more of them (and woo and mingi and everyone) in the future (if I make a sequel/small drabbles)

The action scenes, too, were so well executed and described that I felt like a movie was being played in my mind or in front of my eyes, it’s crazy! 

I'm not used to writing action scenes so this means EVERYTHING to me 😭 

Honestly, my favourite scene might just be her first encounter with Yunho because the MC was so badass (even when she was killing all those biters in the mall after sacrificing herself for Yunho) IT SERIOUSLY MADE ME WISH I WAS HER AAAAA. I love powerful female characters who know how to take care of themselves, and I certainly love that your MC’s always stand their ground and fend for themselves. 

Their first encounter is such an important scene for various reasons. It shows that while the MC can hold her ground, she’s still very alone and in the need of help from others. Plus, it’s Yunho’s introduction so we get to see (together with the MC) what kind of person Yunho is. The readers also get to see how far their morals stretch; Yunho would give up his loot for the sake of others while the MC would give fuck all 😭 (she’s traumatised, give her a break).  Say what you want, but Yunho was whipped the second he saw her and I can’t say she wasn’t the tiniest bit interested in him either 🫣

Honestly, I could yap so much more and I think I will ‘cuz I just remembered another thing—not MC and Yunho being complete idiots by not talking out their issues but, I mean, the end result was rather satisfying so I cannot complain haha. That moment was really hot, I go feral over jealous Yuyu, oops~ like, yes, please get angry and look at me like that so I can shut you up with my lips—

I KNOW!!! Imagine, you nearly see the love of your life die and instead of being there for them (possibly even scold them) you decide to stay as far away from them as possible? As if you weren’t doing everything you could to not separate from them? Yes, I’m looking at you Yunho 👀 but like, at least they got to make out— I mean, make up, yes, make up!🫣

Not you being so poetic with me, I'm down on my knees asking for your hand in marriage right neow!!! OKAY BUT CAN YOU BLAME THEM??? God knows when they got to indulge in some sexy time, I too would be going feral seeing Yunho scoop a handful of condoms in his bag or seeing MC shirtless (altough that was not the right time to go hard 😭)

Bones, Blood and Teeth Erode | Jeong Yunho

��️ Summary: Taking a child under your wing, tackling complex feelings for a man who didn't make your life easier, and waking up to the entire world wanting to sink their teeth into your skin would make for one hell of a college essay. Too bad you were already done with your studies and working a full time job kicking rotten ass.

⚠️ Pairing(s): Jeong Yunho x F!Reader

⚠️ Genres/Tropes: non-idol AU, zombie apocalypse AU, horror, romance, hurt/comfort, a lot of action, a lil comedy, golden retriever x black cat (kinda, not really)

⚠️ Warnings/Tags: female reader, no use of (Y/N), explicit language, reader has a panic attack, derogatory words (bitch), use of weapons (guns, knives), blood and gore (quite descriptive), (probably inaccurate) gun wounds, losing consciousness, petnames (flower, angel, darling, sweetie), zombies, murder, reader is a badass, attempted murder by strangulation, brief allude to suicide and hanging (just a quick mention), medical needles, disagreements, Wooyoung is a menace, jealous!Yunho

⚠️ Wordcount: 39.3K

⚠️ Author's note: This work has been a fun challenge as it's my first time writing a zombie AU. With that, I'll kindly ask you to please be nice if the gore and action doesn't live up to your expectations! I'm also thinking of making a "sequel" as everything I planned couldn't fit here, but I don't know... I'll leave that for future me to decide. Until then, I'm going to focus on finishing Cold Hands, Warm Heart. Plus, who was going to tell me there was a limit to Tumblr?? Wdym I can't exceed 1000 paragraphs? 😭

This is all fiction and not meant to represent the idols involved in any way or form. This work is NSFW and not appropriate for minors as it contains explicit scenes, not necessarily sexual content, but descriptions of both physical and verbal fights, as well as adult language and gore. Minors and ageless blogs, please, refrain from reading or interacting with this work or my blog!!!

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The most memorable moments of life were limited and a majority of them weren’t even stored in the human’s hippocampus until the ages three or four. First words, first steps, first birthday, first time using the potty amongst other things weren’t memories, but rather snippets of stories retold by parents or other significant individuals. With the years passing and flowers withering as snow spread through the country, the less memorable things became. Birthdays were celebrated every three hundred and sixty-fifth day, but were only really a big deal if it was a big number or when the line of adolescence and adulthood was crossed. After that, no one was eager enough to celebrate the less time they harbored in the world.

Then — in some random order — your wallet would be updated with a shiny driver’s license accompanying your credit card, a few pennies and other meaningless receipts you couldn’t bother throwing out. The desk in your childhood bedroom was cleared of coloring books, instead proudly displaying the evidence of graduating college that would eventually be framed and nailed to the newly painted walls of your first apartment. Those were the more memorable milestones you’d think back to in your senior years while relaxing on your porch with a cup of freshly brewed tea. By that point in life, you’d be free of school, work and other duties. The only worry was when your next doctor’s appointment was or if the neighborhood kids were stealing apples from your garden again.

The universe was known for throwing curveballs when one least expected and no one could foresee the bombshell of death and despair exploding on the green earth, altering everyone’s hopes and dreams to dust. Within hours, the vision of spending your last years alive tending to your garden flowers and watching the sun go to sleep was erased from existence along with your cherished memories, because there was no moment in life you’d remember more than the day the world went to shit.

“How’s little Nari doing? Have you checked the locks?”

“She’s good, as much as a seven-year-old could be. I’ve already put her to bed like half an hour ago. We ate some fruit snacks and watched an episode of Bluey, and poof, she was out like a light,” you chuckled gently. “And yes, I already checked, I double checked even.”

This was your new nightly routine ever since moving miles across the country for more opportunities in the big city. Your mom had yet to accept the fact her baby girl (and only child) wasn’t a baby anymore, but a grown woman with adult responsibilities. Nonetheless, she still called you at least once a day, and as much as you loved her, she sure was getting on your nerves.

“Triple check it… Oh! And see if your windows are locked too. She’s such a sweet little girl. Speaking of, how are the Kangs?”

Leave it to your mom to ask about everyone’s and everything’s wellbeing. It was no wonder she had trouble sleeping at night, the constant worry gnawing on her brain like a mouse with a stolen piece of cheese. 

Rolling your eyes, you refrained from chastising her for staying up late watching one too many criminal documentaries. You lived on the fifth floor; what did it matter if your windows were locked or not?

“The Kangs are good too, I believe. They’ll be her first thing in the morning to get Nari.”

“They are good people, those Kangs. I’m happy you have normal neighbors and not some weirdos. Especially when they know there’s a girl living alone, it makes you vulnerable.”

“Because a couple in their early thirties definitely can’t be perpetrators. Bonus points if they have a daughter.”

“I’m just concerned for my little baby girl. You know it’s difficult for us now that you’ve moved out. Your father doesn’t say much, but he hasn’t stepped foot in your bedroom after the last box was carried out.”

And as much as you wanted to tell her, ‘Mom, I’m not your little baby girl anymore’, the words wouldn’t roll off your tongue. Perhaps it was the mention of your father’s somber behavior — someone you never saw without a smile on his face — or you were missing them equally as much as they missed you.

“I know, mom. But it was a question of when I’d move out, I mean, it would happen eventually and here we are.”

“Well, I don’t care. You’ll be my baby until they stuff me down below.”

“Mom!”

“It’s true! Adult or not, I’m still your mother and will always be. Doesn’t matter if you’re five, fifty or five hundred. Now, I don’t want to hold you off any longer, it’s quite late and you have an early start tomorrow. I love you, my sweet girl.”

“I love you too, mom. Hug dad for me, would you?”

“Of course. Good night, sweetie.”

“Goodnight.”

Plopping down on the sofa barely big enough for three, your phone lightened with a gentle tap of your thumb. The wallpaper was a picture of you standing behind your parents with the family cat seated on your mom’s lap. It was taken days before you’d leave for Seoul (your mom insisted you take another family portrait to match the collection of the already existing thirty something photos). Your two hours were spent aimlessly scrolling through various social media apps, seeing what news and events you missed out on while entertaining the previously energetic seven-year-old. Amidst your scrolling, the three full bars of the Wi-F emoticon turned transparent. Not thinking much of it, you opted for resetting your router, but nothing changed. Even your data roaming wasn’t working.

“Huh? That’s weird,” you mumbled to yourself.

The device quickly lost its value and was forgotten on the coffee table as you reached for the TV remote. That proved to be useless too as a multitude of colors covered the screen with the words ‘No Signal’ staring right back at you. Growing up in the countryside, you weren’t all too shaken over the loss of Wi-Fi, but considering you were now residing in the heart of South Korea, where everything was supposed to be ten times better and faster, you were left with a queasy feeling. Giving the government — or whoever was in charge of these operators — the benefit of the doubt, you decided to get ready for bed. The internet would be back sooner or later, that’s how it was in your hometown at least.

You gently peeked inside your bedroom and with the reassuring sight of Nari still in a deep slumber, you resumed to the bathroom. 

“Maybe it’s a sign to tune in for the night.”

Watching yourself in the bathroom mirror, you shrugged and got to washing up. As you completed the long list of your skincare routine and dried your face with a towel, you didn’t expect to be met with sudden darkness and nearly fell into the bathtub. Regaining your composure, your feet were glued to the floor and ars extra sharp, listening for anything suspicious on the other side of the door. You couldn’t help but think someone had broken into your flat. To your fear, a silent creak echoed throughout the apartment followed by rapid pattering of feet. A whimper — you would’ve missed it if it weren’t for the complete silence — slipped through the tight space between the door and threshold. 

“Auntie?”

The speed you unlocked the door at should be studied by a group of scientists. You wasted no time crouching before Nari which she saw as an invitation to sling herself in your embrace. The few solar sticks shoved into your window baskets provided your apartment with enough light to avoid bumping into furniture as you entered the living room. The TV had gone from a bright rainbow to a void of nothing, enveloping you in complete darkness. A simple fuse going out wouldn’t turn off the power in your entire apartment and you wondered if the whole building was without electricity. 

“Why is it dark?” She whispered against your shoulder.

“I don’t know, sweetie. I think the power went out. Wanna see if there are any candles laying around?”

Grabbing your phone from its place, you quickly put on the flashlight and rummaged through your cabinets for anything useful. If you knew your mother at all, you were certain she snuck in some candles or a real flashlight while you were busy carrying boxes with your dad. Opening the second-to-last drawer, you found what you were looking for and in that moment it was a treasure bigger than gold.

“Looks like auntie had some candles after all.” 

With the help of Nari — who actually just watched you scatter the candles everywhere — you managed to bring more light into the apartment.

“Isn’t this much better?” You asked and Nari nodded while shuffling to one end of the sofa, her knees brought up to her chest and her hair a mess from the short nap.

“When will the lights be back?”

Honestly, you didn’t know, but sensing it would spread more worry than comfort, you weren’t about to let her know that. She was already spooked from the sudden blackout and you weren’t all that keen on consoling a distressed child a quarter to midnight. 

“Soon. I’m sure of it. In the meantime, how about you go bring me your pretty pink hairbrush and I’ll fix your pigtails for you?”

You watched Nari run off into your bedroom and gave yourself a pat on the back for handling the situation quite smoothly. With the power out, you had no option but to save the battery on your phone, thus turning off the flashlight and relying on the candles for guidance. Not to sound entitled, but you truly thought the outages would be left in your hometown and wouldn’t follow you all the way to Seoul. Trying to go against the odds, you checked your phone again and noticed the service was completely wiped out. The top of your screen looked rather naked as the battery percentage glared at you tauntingly.

Now would be a good time to worry. Water seeped through the ventilations in your flat and hastily rose upwards. Parts of your body turned numb at immediate contact and your nightgown stuck to your cold skin. You looked around. Your living room was flooding, but no one did anything. No one came to help. The world was still spinning and you were slowly drowning. As your view was obscured by a beautiful hue of blue everything stopped. 

It was quiet, but your thoughts were loud. Submerging underwater was supposed to give a sense of tranquility yet there you were, struggling to tame the voices in your mind. It was first when you parted your lips for an intake of air that they simmered out and a wave of panic washed over you as water gushed down your throat and into your lungs. Your mouth clamped shut and you made grabby motions as if you’d latch onto a plug and the water would magically go down a drain. The lack of oxygen caused darkness to cloud your sight and a force so tight wrapped around your head you thought it was going to explode. Fire burned your lungs and something clawed at your throat, but you refused to inhale again. It was scary. The fight was slowly leaving your body and right when you heard death calling for you, a bubbly call of your name brought you back to reality and suddenly there was no evidence of the translucent liquid ever being in your living room. 

“Here you go, auntie.” 

Nari reclaimed her seat on the couch, the only difference being her back turned toward you. Releasing a shuddering breath, you took the brush from her and tried to differentiate between reality and imagination. This seemed to be real, you thought and got to work, despite your heart banging against your chest. With gentle touches, you removed the ties from her hair and combed it until silky smooth. To your relief and her luck, the strands weren’t tangled together and allowed the brush to run freely. Deeming her hair neat enough, you parted it down the middle and into two sections, and redid her pigtails from earlier. It was an easy hairstyle and suited her pretty face. You looped both your index fingers through each tail and giggled at the cuteness.

“There you go. All done, little flower.”

“Thank you, auntie!” 

Nari turned around and wrapped her arms around your waist, her cheek mushed against your stomach and your heart soared with joy. The display of affection was enough to keep your head on and not worry about all the connected dots seemingly leading back to the power outage. Besides, you couldn’t act recklessly. If Nari caught wind of your unease, you could confidently say she’d spiral into a panic of her own.

“Of course… Now I was thinking with the power out, how would it sound if we raided my freezer for some ice cream? I mean, it will turn bad otherwise.”

The Kangs were quite strict with Nari and sweets, in the sense that they didn’t want her over consuming before bed or on weekdays. Something about having a balanced diet. It wasn’t anything you had a say in and if you wanted to be paid at the end of the day as well as avoid a lawsuit, you were going to ensure Nari followed those rules. But considering something was out of the ordinary and with your endless supply of ice cream, you couldn’t bother with what her parents had to say. 

While she was shifting between eating the flavors of strawberry, chocolate, banana, raspberry and vanilla ice cream, you pondered over the elephant in the room. Knowing now it wasn’t something solely affecting your apartment complex, but the whole city, you were trying your hardest not to freak out. Perhaps some vigilante had hacked into the government and planned on leaking some top secret files? Were you going to war? A sign of an earthquake?

“Auntie?”

“Yes, Nari?” 

“I’m sleepy. I’m sorry your ice cream will go bad.”

“Don’t worry about that. It was too much for just the two of us anyway.” You patted the top of her head and she childishly beamed at you, immediately illuminating the room better than any light source created. “Wanna get ready for bed again?”

As you stood up, you expected Nari to follow, but the child was still seated. Her feet brushed against each other while she picked around her fingernails. She avoided your eyes, her gaze trained on her fiddling hands. 

“Is something wrong?” 

The mumbled words were far too quiet for you to make sense of and with a polite request to repeat herself, Nari spoke again, a tad bit louder than before. “I don’t wanna sleep in the dark.”

A crack went down the middle of your heart and echoed loudly in your eardrums. Her sullen attitude caught you off guard, but knowing the reason behind it, you now wondered if she was used to being chastised or mocked for her fear in the walls of her home. Whatever it was, you weren’t going to endorse that behavior. 

“We could…” You began and waited for her to meet your gaze. Her little eyes carried a plethora of stars and you had to hold back from pinching her chubby cheeks. “Have a sleepover, right here.”

The stars in her eyes grew in size and twinkled brighter than any night sky. Her previously pouty lips curled in a sugary smile that cured any type of sadness. The child was up in seconds, already rearranging the pillow to her liking and claiming her side of the sofa.

“Okay, flower. It’s time for another brushing session.” 

Luckily, Nari didn’t appear like a kicked puppy and happily skipped to the bathroom instead. Your phone in her hands lit up her path despite the candles burning for the same purpose. You released a breath of relief and whisked out two blankets from your bedroom as well as one of Nari’s stuffed toys. She had spent enough nights under your watch to know she’d ask for either Sir Fluffington (a rabbit with one of its ears ripped off) or Spiderfrog (a purple ladybug). Coming out of your bedroom, you were surprised to see Nari sitting on the sofa, legs tucked beneath her bum and arms hidden underneath her shirt making her look armless.

“Oh, you’re done already?” 

“The water is not working.”

Dropping the soft objects on the couch, your brows scrunched together. “What?”

“I opened the sink and the water didn’t come. It was first brown, like poopy water and then it disappeared.”

Disregarding her easy mix up between a tap and a sink, you flew across the room to the kitchen and as feared, no water came out. Something was wrong. How big of a coincidence would it be that the electricity, internet and water were out of function? 

Swallowing the lump growing in your dry throat — a placebo created by the knowledge you had no running water — you faced Nari and ushered her under the covers.

“I’m positive it’s nothing. The water and power will be back when we wake up.” Shuffling beside her, you handed her both Sir Fluffington and Spiderfrog, an easy distraction from the weird occurrences.

“Can we sleep with the lights on?”

“Yeah, I won’t blow out all the candles until you’re asleep. Is that alright?”

Nari nodded and tucked both of her stuffies beneath the blanket then brought it up to her chin. You gave your phone one last glance, sighing at the red battery and lack of a signal. Just your luck, you thought and let it back down. 

“Good night, auntie.”

Nari’s breaths evened quicker than you could reply back and soon you too struggled with keeping your eyes open. As promised, you blew out the candles — starting a building fire was not a part of your bucket list — and came back to bed. Fatigue weighing more than three bags of flour tugged on your eyelids and it was easier to give into the darkness than fight it. Besides, you’d rather not stay awake and theorize over all the possibilities as to why the country seemed to be out of function.

“Night, flower.”

The trip to dreamland was short and didn’t last for longer than two hours. You woke with a startle, your body covered in a sheen of sweat and heart loud in your ears. It wasn’t because of your neighbor’s early shenanigans of rearranging furniture or a fast food delivery guy knocking on the wrong door, but people talking, or rather screaming, in the corridor of the apartment building. Nari was still sleeping soundly next to you, seeming nothing in the world was able to disturb her. It wasn’t because of your neighbor’s early shenanigans of rearranging furniture or a fast food delivery guy knocking on the wrong door. Still surrounded by darkness, you hastily grabbed your phone and blinded yourself as — what felt like — a hundred suns appeared right before your eyes. The numbers showed it was a little past two in the morning.

A commotion of multiple bodies running and sharp tones turning into faint screams, had you standing on your feet. The walls of the apartment were thin, but not enough for you to make out what was being said. It couldn’t be a normal argument between neighbors if the shouting went from anger to fear, hands pounding against doors with pleas of being let inside. You didn’t move until a bloodcurdling scream echoed through the stairwell. In all your years on this earth, you never heard a being make such painful and horrifying sounds. Not even movies portraying the most gruesome torture scene could be compared to what your ears were witnessing. You couldn’t describe it even if you wanted to. All you knew was that it touched your core, nearly cutting all mobility in your legs. The screaming didn’t stop for a while, but when it did everything turned silent. The silence in the dead of a night with everyone asleep; no engine rumbling, no people talking and no animals wandering around. Complete and utter silence.

By some miracle, you managed to get closer to your door without stumbling into something and for once in your life you were grateful for your mother’s nagging about checking the locks. Something was wrong. Really, really wrong. You could feel it in your bones, like birds sensing the beginning of a natural hazard. It wasn’t something you could explain either and if you tried, whoever was on the receiving end would probably call you crazy, but it didn’t matter because there was no one to convince of said feeling. Nari was too young to indulge in and she was at the age where children questioned everything. Giving her one last glance, reassuring yourself she was still asleep, you stepped closer to the door and prepared yourself to look through the peephole. It was first then you felt the side effects of not having water as your throat was uncomfortably dry and your tongue stuck to the roof of your mouth. Whatever you were going to see — hopefully nothing — on the other side of the door, you weren’t sure if you were mentally prepared for it. 

“Auntie?”

Like the hands of a grandfather clock reaching an hour, your heart chimed loudly in your ears, pushing all the air out from your lungs and freezing the blood in your veins. The childish voice didn’t ease your worries and for a moment you thought a scene from the movie Orphan played out in your life. The crazy thought lasted for a split second until you remembered why there was a child in your flat to begin with. 

“What are you doing?”

Facing Nari, you exhaled and mustered up a gentle smile. “I thought I… Nothing. I’m not doing anything.”

As you stepped away from the door, an internal battle broke out in your head. The logic in you argued it was nothing but a speck of your imagination while your gut feeling threw all sense out of the window and was ready to die on the hill that something wasn’t quite right.

“Did you hear it too?”

That was all the reason your gut needed to push logic out of the window. Swallowing dry air, your tongue darted out over your bottom lip. Inhaling a shaky breath which was a failed attempt at calming your nerves, you decided to see where the conversation would go.

“Hear what, flower?”

What Nari said next confirmed you weren’t crazy.

“The screaming,” she emphasized, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“I… uh…”

As you parted your lips to say something — what, you didn’t know — a faint scratching noise sounded from behind your door. The best way to describe it would be a fingernail being dragged along the wooden surface. It was nearly undetectable, but with the silence in the apartment the sound was loud enough to interrupt your conversation and spread another wave of fear through your body. Nari whimpered, obviously still affected by the screaming from before, and quickly threw the blanket over her head. Sir Fluffington and Spiderfrog squished under each of her armpits.

Hanging onto the thin rope of sanity left in your body, you coaxed yourself into believing it wasn’t anything to be frightened over. The whistling wind could be heard every once in a while, right? 

“Don’t go,” Nari squeaked. She was clearly scared of you going out into the hallway and while you admired her thoughtfulness, you had to remind her you didn’t have a single brave bone in your body.

“I won’t,” you whispered back. “I just want to see.” 

If the situation wasn’t so eerie, you’d be laughing at her concern. Nari acted as if whoever was out there would grab you through the keyhole and you’d disappear somewhere akin to Raccoon City or The Upside Down. But you didn’t laugh because the possibility of that happening scared even you, a grown adult with her frontal lobe fully developed.

Exhaling, you flicked the metallic cover of the peephole and stared into an abyss of darkness. The green flickering light of an exit sign illuminated the hallway for a split second before everything turned black again. It continued on like that for a moment and each time the light came back on, you expected something grotesque to stare right back at you, but there was nothing. 

“Ha, like I thought. There’s no one the–”

Your voice died in your throat as the lightbulb died only to be brought back to life. The only difference being a figure standing in your line of sight. The green light was gone in a second, not allowing you to see who it was, but when one sense was diluted, the remaining four heightened. 

“Help.”

The voice, if you could call it that, sounded like it belonged to a chainsmoker of fifty years. Raspy — not in a sexy way — and weak. They were wheezing for air and almost choked on their own saliva. It wasn’t until the hallway lit up again that you could make out what was presented before you. Mr. Shin from the level below you with ears that were good for nothing and his obnoxiously loud Yorkshire terrier. However, you couldn’t recall him being a smoker or having a gruff voice. Thinking about it, the elder hated anything to do with cigarettes. The smell, the long list of side effects and not to mention the higher risk of being prone to lung cancer. 

None of those facts were important though, because what you were seeing nearly sent you on your backside. 

Mr. Shin’s head was abnormally tilted to the right and something sharp, and white, boney, stuck out of his neck. The liquid he was choking on was in fact not his saliva, but buckets of blood. Dark, thick, blood seeping out of his neck and mouth, making it hard for him to speak.

“Open… Help me.”

Lights off. Lights on.

A big chunk of skin and meat was torn right out of his shoulder, coating his arm in a wine-red liquid nearly having you spilling your guts out. Clamping a hand over your mouth, both to keep your food inside and not to let out a scream of terror, you moved backwards. You felt sick. Your stomach was up to your chest and your pulse was so quick the beats per minute were impossible to count. The few words leaving Mr. Shin became a jumbled mess of groans and growls. His pleas for help and demands of you opening the door were indistinguishable, something not even an aggravated dog would let out. The scratching turned into slamming fists and jerks of the handle. 

Your phone was useless and there was no other way to get hold of an emergency service. Mr. Shin obviously needed help. He had always been kind to you; he bought you a fresh basket of peaches each month and collected the morning mail for you. There was yet a moment for you to repay him and now would be the perfect chance to give back for all his numerous favors. Not thinking much, you turned the lock west and the door opened on its own as a stumbling Mr. Shin entered your apartment.

“Mr. Shin what happen–”

It was as if he was possessed. The man old enough to be your grandfather staggered over the threshold and grabbed onto your shoulders, forcefully pulling you towards him. Your left hand pushed against his ribcage as you simultaneously pressed your other hand against his throat, your fingers digging into the open wound and getting coated in red. As the lights seeped into your apartment, you saw his lifeless eyes, red mouth and pale face. Your scream was loud enough to wake the whole of Seoul.

Still struck by the image of your kind neighbor looking like the upper part of him was put through a rusty meat grinder, you stumbled over your own feet and fell flat on your rear with Mr. Shin following in tow. Your throat was turning sore from all the screaming that didn’t reach your own ears. He didn’t stop his advances and his mouth was opening and closing in a  biting manner, his rotten teeth loudly chomping against each other snapping you in and out of your screams.

“Stop! Mr. Shin!”

It was as if you said the complete opposite as he fought against your pushing hands. Your hand which was previously on his ribs jumped up to his shoulder and gradually slid further up his neck. In the midst of your fright and panic, you latched onto the bone sticking out of his body. It was cold and sturdy, and so incredibly nasty that you nearly puked all over yourself like a wasted teenager coming home from a night out in the club. The friendly face of Mr. Shin with deep dimples and moon creasing eyes was void of any happiness. 

“Please, stop,” you cried out. Hot tears kissing your cheeks and lips wobbly.

You were left with no choice. Using all the strength you could muster, you dragged both hands in opposite directions. Like opening a newspaper with force and not stopping until it tore in half, his skin parted in the middle with more blood and tissue seeped out of him and straight down on you, coating your pink nightgown and bare skin. A modern version of Carrie.

A whispered apology left your mouth and what was once whole was split into two. The body of Mr. Shin slumped down over you while his groaning head rolled across your living room floor. You scrambled away from the corpse and didn’t stop until your back was against the couch, where a crying Nari loomed over you. 

“What the fuck? What. The. Fuck!”

Your hands shook uncontrollably. In an attempt to calm down, you weaved them into your hair, gently tugging at the strands while trying to arrange your fleeting thoughts into something rational. It was impossible. There were so many questions and not one answer. You didn’t know how long you sat there for. Maybe ten minutes? Twenty? An hour? Everything blurred together, but it were the wails of Nari that cleared up the mist you found yourself in. 

Throwing a glance over your shoulder, you saw her on the complete opposite end of the sofa. The blanket you provided her with was brought up to her chin. She was red as a cherry tomato, presumably from all the crying. As you somehow got up on your feet, her crying turned up in volume and you realized she was afraid of you. Thanks to the red smeared all over your body, that little mind of hers couldn’t differentiate between you and Mr. Shin. Probably assuming what happened to him got you too.

“Nari, little flower.” She peeked between her fingers obscuring her view. “I’m alright. I’m not…”

I’m not like him. I’m safe. I’m well.

“I’m okay.”

Three years had passed since the outbreak started. One thousand and something-something days of moving from location to location, clearing rundown gas stations and seven-elevens, surviving on canned food and dried fruits and nuts. It wasn’t particularly easy surviving an apocalypse with a child. The first month was spent shifting between crying for her parents and then mentally aging half a year every day. You, on the other hand, promised no more tears would be shed ever since you decapitated your sweet grandpa of a neighbor. A decision made for the safety of both yourself and Nari. The girl that was thrust into your care for a few hours turned into a lifelong partner, however long that would be.

Perched on the roof of an apartment building you spent the past month temporarily residing in, you thoroughly examined all the stuff you needed for the long journey waiting ahead. With the little resources you had left, it was safe to say your time in the capital was coming to an end. Every store in a one-mile radius had been emptied and those that were still full of necessities were in the red zone, also labeled a suicide mission.

A shadow loomed over you, obscuring the sun from your view and providing you with a cooling shade. “You tell me not to sit in the sun, but you’re doing the complete opposite?”

You looked up at Nari, your brows scrunched together and mouth pressed into a straight line. It was a poor attempt at a joke, Nari knew that much, but it didn’t stop her from sharing her lame humor with you even if it didn’t go far. Glancing between a packet of bandages and the bottle of alcohol, you weighed your options before throwing in the alcohol. If either of you got hurt, it’d be better to clean the wound with alcohol than to plaster on a bandage and call it a day. 

Zipping up your backpack, you got on your feet and threw it around your shoulder. “Do as I say, not as I do.”

“That’s no fun.” She pouted and crossed her arms over her chest. The oversized cap you found in a local store shop was one or two sizes too big for her head, but would fit right in about a year.

“Because fun gets you killed.” 

You pushed the cap further down on her head and headed for the stairway. The sun was high in the sky and while it would be best to wait for the heat to pass, it would leave you with a lot of walking in the dark. Not the most ideal time to be outside as the biters were more active during the night.

“Okay, so when can I get a weapon? Like a gun-gun. Not a sharp stick.”

“We’ve already talked about this, Nari. The adult has the gun and the child keeps the map.”

“The map won’t help me fight bad guys.”

You clicked your tongue and patted yourself down. The knife was in the holder attached to your hip and your gun was loaded with the safety lock on, resting against your other hip.

“No, but it will help you find safety which means no bad guys to encounter.” You unclasped the big chains looped through the metal handles of the roof entrance and opened the doors. “Ready?”

“As long as we find anything besides chips. Like was there an overconsumption of the salty potatoes in twenty-twenty four or what? Why are the stores full of them? I don’t get it. They taste like eating a handful of salt.”

Inheriting the guardian role of a child wasn’t something you planned to do until much later on in life. You weren’t prepared to take care of another being, let alone be responsible for their growth and not let them take on the personality of a psychopath. Through the long year of parenting and providing shelter and safety, you had a hard time finding the perfect balance between a strict and laid back aunt. While Nari still deserved to experience the life of a normal child, you were aware normal in a world full of rotting cannibals wasn’t the same as a year ago. Instead of playing with dolls and cars, children were taught how to work a gun and where to aim for a hundred percent kill.

Nari knew the theoristics. Their senses were diluted in the day and heightened at night, but a speck of blood would leave you vulnerable at any hour. The heart and brain were the weak points. For absolute certainty it was best to aim for the head even if a bullet was already lodged through their hearts. She knew all these facts, but had yet to take on a biter. Her kill count was a zero whilst you stopped counting after double digits. It was another thing you had taken upon your shoulders. As long as you were breathing and capable of clearing the path off obstacles, Nari’s hands would remain clean.

Before she could walk through the doors and take the lead, your arm shot out and halted her in place. A serious expression took over your features as you held Nari’s gaze.

“Remember; I need to see you and hear you at all times. Don’t stray from my line of vision, don’t just walk away and in case of an emergency–”

“Hide, sit and wait it out or run until my lungs are about to explode and my feet are covered in blisters.”

You inhaled deeply. Future you would either come to regret this decision or thank the heavens. From the pouch wrapped around your thigh, you took out a small switchblade. 

“Good. That’s good.” 

You flipped open the blade and wiped it against your thigh before folding it again. The switchblade wasn’t much of a use to you, ever since you found the combat knife hidden in the armory of some old man’s apartment. It was your companion for a little more than a year and saved you from a lot of trouble, but it was time to pass it on.

“I’m thinking…”

“Is that for me? Am I finally getting a weapon?!”

“As I was saying before being rudely interrupted, I was thinking of giving you my old switchblade.” You could practically see stars light up in her eyes. “But with the promise you won’t use it unless absolutely necessary, okay? That means it’s in your pockets and I only want to see it in your hand if it’s a life-or-death situation.”

“Yes, yes, yes!” Nari shuffled excitedly on her feet and if you didn’t know any better, you’d say your persistent rant entered through one ear and out the other. 

Sighing again, you handed it over and watched with attentive eyes as she tested its functions. Then, as ordered, she stuffed it in her back pocket and gave you a determined nod. Leading the way down the long flight of stairs, you shared the plan you put together over the span of three days while Nari was asleep and you kept watch. 

“I think it’s best if we head south. Most of the infected have probably been drawn by the loud sounds in the big cities, leaving the countryside vulnerable. The only thing I’m worried about is coming across other humans.”

“Sounds good. We can maybe grow crops and have cows or pigs? Aw, man, now I’m hungry for some pork belly.”

It was in these moments you were grateful for Nari’s presence. Her childish takes and questions were what kept your sanity intact. If it weren’t for her, you’d probably be roaming the infected streets like a lifeless monster gnawing at other humans.

“Sure. We’ll see what we can find, but ideally it’d be best to find shelter and then animals.”

“As long as I get to own a fluffy cow, I don’t care when or where. Don’t you think it’d be cool if I put a saddle on it and killed biters while riding her?”

The glare she received was hotter than the scorching sun and sharper than your knife. It was enough to keep her quiet for the majority of the journey, but it could only last for so long before she started firing questions again.

“Can I make a birthday wish this year? I promise to keep it realistic.”

You spotted a secluded shop that was yet to be raided for its goods. The windows were covered by planks — they seemed to be placed in a hurry — placed askew and barely shielding the glass panes behind the wood. The door was untouched, not a scratch on it besides the color chipping away and rust collecting on the chain tied around the handles. Nari was a smart kid. For her seventh birthday she didn’t ask for anything extravagant. A new pair of clothes, preferably a pink shirt and shoes. Because of safety reasons, the shoes were out of the picture unless you wanted to be an easy target. It’d be like spotting a Christmas tree in the middle of July. It wasn’t until her ninth year came around that she asked for the impossible; a dog. You couldn’t find a group of people that weren't out to kill you, let alone a creature with the appetite of a starving jaguar. 

“Okay, let’s hear it.”

“Teach me how to use a gun?”

The four cans of peaches were placed close at hand and you quickly scooped them into your bag as the question looped in your mind. In a perfect world where people didn’t turn into rotting cannibalistic creatures, you’d never entertain the idea of a ten-year-old handling a weapon. But the world wasn’t perfect and her birthday wish was more logical than her wanting a Barbie doll. You really wanted to say no. Use the excuse of wanting to protect her innocence for a few more years, but what good would that bring her in a moment of desperation? What would be worse, a longer life haunted by nightmares or a short one full of flowers and bees?

“If we find a little one,” you muttered lowly and handed her a pack of sealed batteries. 

She squealed and you masked your own smile with a scowl that immediately had her pressing a hand up to her mouth, a futile attempt to suppress the gleeful noise.

“Gotta make sure we don’t die before that though. You keep watch while I scavenge the place for anything useful. We’re leaving in five.”

The shelves were full. It was harder to pick things when you had more to choose from. You wanted nothing more than to stuff everything into two duffel bags and be on your merry way, but it would get you nowhere. The five minutes were spent choosing between bandages and medicine or extra food and nutrition. As you gave in and stuffed the two sealed medkits, the sharp whistle of a bird sounded through the store. Your head snapped up as cans clattered to the ground. Forgetting about the other necessities, you zipped up your bag and hid behind the shelves in the back where Nari too had taken shelter.

“What did you see?”

“A car. It stopped right out front, but I didn’t see who came out.”

The sound of the door opening killed the hushed conversation. Quite some time passed since you encountered other people, but each run-in was always more unpleasant than the previous and it left a sour taste in your mouth. Avoiding biters was easy — the creatures had rotting brains with no critical thinking — it was dealing with other humans that gave you a fright. There were already psychos in the normal world and you didn’t want to imagine what demons you’d be dealing with now.

Nari quietly slid down and sat on the floor, knees pressed up to her chest and a hand over her mouth, while you pulled out your gun and knife. Your wrists connected, making a human cross and the hand holding your gun rested on top of the one clutching the blade. Your finger was on the trigger with no fear of firing a bullet or two; anything to secure your survival.

The footsteps belonged to one person and you hoped whoever it was didn’t bring a friend. In a circumstance with the dead you’d throw something sturdy in the opposite direction of you, but dealing with other humans would take more than some trick. The best would be to avoid any bloodshed, take the car and leave fast as fuck. 

As the walking ceased so did your thoughts and you were certain your heart could be heard all through Seoul. A can of pears rolled by, passing your hiding forms and stopped as it hit the wall opposite. Whoever was there seemed to have found the tumbled cans, a give-away that they weren’t alone. 

“Come out,” they said calmly. The voice was deep and belonged to a man.

A curse died in your throat. Weighing your options, you glanced down at Nari and signaled for her to stay put. The man was obviously aware of your presence and with you as a distraction, Nari could get out. You weren’t worried about yourself more so over her safety. You could cut and swing and shoot, but Nari could only run and slash, and even that wouldn’t get her far. Left with no choice, you stepped out of your hiding with your arms locked and gun poised straight at the man. 

Yeah, Nari would have a zero percent chance of outrunning this guy. He was taller than the shelves and the majority of his body consisted of legs and muscle. Not only that, but his arms were long too and he’d probably get to you in three steps or less, hands quick to grasp at your shoulders and neck. Hand-to-hand combat would leave you with a guaranteed loss and the safest bet would be to keep him at three arms lengths. Speaking of arms, he wore a black leather jacket. In fact, he as a whole was covered in black clothing — except for the white cap on his head — even his hands were adorned with fingerless gloves. Quite strange as you were in the middle of summer, but you had seen stranger things. Trailing downwards, you noticed a gun was semi-hiding beneath his jacket and you wondered what else dangerous he kept out of view.

The cock of a gun snatched your attention. A gun —  much bigger than yours — was in one of his hands and he made it out to be the size of a teaspoon. It looked ridiculous. Not only was this man tall as a skyscraper, but his hands were big enough to crush your head in.

Appearance wise — besides the overly traumatic analytic of his body proportions — he was quite handsome for living in an apocalypse, and clean too. Dark brown hair that tickled his nape and a fringe which nearly fell in front of his eyes. A long nose and round, but serious eyes which didn’t leave your figure since stepping in his line of vision. His lips, formed with a cupid’s bow, were pressed together and quite dry. If it weren’t for your unfortunate situation and the fact you didn’t care about him, you’d maybe offer him one of the hundred lip balms hanging by the cash register.

“Who are you?” 

It must have been the dumbest question to date. What value did your identity have in a fucked up world? 

“I could ask you the same thing.”

“And I asked first.”

You’ve held more mature conversations with Nari than this guy. 

Sensing you weren’t willing to give up any personal information, he tried approaching the situation in a different manner. “Are you alone?” 

“Yes,” you answered without skipping a beat. Your eyes were locked on his, refusing to glance in Nari’s direction. 

The silent battle of not moving lasted for a few more seconds until he decided to break it. 

“I’m Yunho.” 

The muscles of your mouth twitched downward and you tightened the hold on your gun, the trigger still being hugged by your pointer finger. You couldn’t give less of a fuck if his name was Yunho, Bruno or Minho. 

“I’m not here to cause trouble, I’m just looking for supplies. There’s a group of us, all very hungry and tired. We could use some of the food in here.”

“Beggars can’t be choosers.”

The corners of his lips curled in an amused grin. “No, they can’t, but all I’m asking for is a bit of compassion. You’re one person. We are a group of thirty-forty people. You surely don’t need all the food in here?”

A silly question. Everyone was either starving or injured, not to speak of completely sleep-deprived. Of course you needed everything. From the smallest piece of crumb to the most out of date canned fruit.

“Compassion flew out the window the moment I was attacked by other people. Who’s to say you won’t do the same?”

“If I wanted you dead, you’d have a bullet lodged between your eyes by now.”

Fuck this guy, you were not giving him shit. 

“That was the wrong thing to say, wasn’t it? However, I don’t think you’d let me leave with anything to be honest,” he chuckled and lowered his gun. A bold move for a guy who was deliberately pissing you off.

“You’re finally getting the hang of things around here. I advise you to leave while I’m still being civil. It’d be a shame to end the life of someone so brave. Risking your life for thirty-something people. That’s hard to find nowadays.”

“Doesn’t take much. Maybe you should try it sometime.”

A comeback rested on the tip of your tongue, but was swallowed with a startle as vehicle lights seeped through the sealed windows and the squealing sound of tires coming to a stop outside. You slid back behind the shelf where Nari was still seated on the dirty floor, but shimmied more over to the left so you could fit better. Both flinched as Yunho rounded the same corner. His eyes grew comically in size at the sight of Nari and if it weren’t for the newcomers, you were confident he’d make a comment about her presence. Probably something about honesty getting you far, which you clearly lacked, and you’d argue it left you with nothing but a broken nose. 

As the door opened and multiple footsteps echoed through the store, Yunho stepped closer to you. His right hand came up next to your face as the other raised his gun, ready to attack if given the chance. His right hand was tense against the shelf and the only reason he wasn’t completely pressed up against you. The position was uncomfortable and you could smell a faint fragrance of lavender and some other herb emitting from his wrist next to your face. His other hand was raised up to his cheek, the pointer finger on the trigger and his face turned sideways as if to work out when would be the best time to attack. 

“Be careful, that engine was still hot. They couldn’t have gone very far,” a gruff voice exploded through the store. Great more men.

“Looks like this one wasn’t raided, Boss,” another man announced, his voice squeaky and unpleasant for the ears, as a third guy whooped in delight.

Light as a feather, your fingers brushed against his elbow closest to your head and the brief contact was enough for him to find your eyes. You nodded to something behind him and Yunho held your gaze before slightly turning sideways. A door was left ajar. Usually, you’d never enter a space without checking it free from infected or traps, but it was either meeting these strangers head on with a guy you were ready to blow the head off a few seconds ago or going head on into danger. 

Yunho prodded the side of his cheek with his tongue and pointed at Nari. He wanted her to go first, but you were quick to shut the thought down. As much as it drove you crazy to leave Nari in his wake for a moment or two, it was safer than having her deal with biters alone. Your pointer finger was driven into his peck and Yunho shook his head. What a gentleman. There was no time to argue so you pointed at yourself, then at Nari and lastly at Yunho. He wordlessly agreed and you gave a quick pat to the top of Nari’s head. As you pushed off the shelf, Yunho grabbed your bicep and it took everything in you not to drive your knife in the side of his torso. It was then you discovered one of the men standing in your blindspot and had you stepped out he would’ve definitely seen you. The man turned around and Yunho’s fingers were off you in seconds, giving you the green light to go. Stealthy as a cat and quick as a bunny, you disappeared behind the door without alerting the men.

You found yourself in a passageway leading to a bigger space which you recognized as a storage room. The rest of the room was bigger than the front of the store and somewhere in the far back, behind stacks of prepackaged foods and other goods, you could see a green emergency sign, probably a door leading to the outside world. Your only concern being if something was against it on the other side. Seconds later, Nari came through and the world spun faster than it’s normal at a thousand miles per hour.

“We have to help him!” She hissed and pulled at your wrist back to where you came from.

“Help who?”

“Yunho! They’ve spotted him or, no, they saw me, but he went out of hiding so they wouldn’t go after me.”

“Nari, stop. We have to go.”

“What!? We can’t just leave him.” 

You tore your wrist out of her grip and latched onto her shoulders in return. “The fuck we can’t. He’s not my priority. You are.”

“He tried to help us and even got us both to safety! Please, auntie, it’s the right thing to do.”

“What did I tell you about playing the hero? We’re not in some video game, Nari. It’s the real world. Just because it’s right doesn’t mean you’ll get out of there alive and I’ve done a lot to ensure our safety. I won’t let some stupid men be the reason I lose you, do you hear me?”

She shook out of your embrace and pushed you back. Tears littered her waterline and lips wobbled from holding back sobs. “Why are you so mean?”

No punch to the gut would make you lose your breath the way those five words did. How would you explain to a child that the last years were all for her own good at the same time as you were letting someone else die?

“Fuck,” you whispered and clutched the roots of your hair. “Fuck, fuck, fuck!” 

You checked the magazine of your gun and counted six bullets. All you needed was three.

“Okay, fuck. Here’s what we’ll do. You clear this area. Take anything that’s useful and not heavy, okay? I’ll go check the situation outside. Whatever happens, don’t fucking think of coming for us. Do you understand?”

“But–”

“I said, do you understand?”

Hesitation swirled in Nari’s eyes and she gnawed on her lower lip. Agreeing with your conditions meant she was practically leaving you for the dead and while you always returned, safe and untouched, it made her more aware of this being real with no take-backs. Remembering the kindness Yunho showed within the second he met you, Nari couldn’t take it for granted and be selfish. 

“I understand.”

Slamming the magazine back in your gun, you nodded. “Good. If I’m not back in a few, get out and run.”

First, you were unofficially tasked with guarding a literal child, and now you were sent on a rescue mission for a literal stranger.

The door was still not entirely closed and before you dared to peek your head out, a couple voices along with Yunho’s filled the silence. “I’m telling you, I came alone.”

“And I’m supposed to believe that the Wrangler outside is driven by one man only? Be honest, how many people do you have hiding in the storage room?” 

Yunho sighed exasperatedly. “Four less than what’s out here, so you do the math.”

“Boss, this guy thinks he’s funny. Want me to take him out or leave him to suffer?” The pipsqueak asked and by his voice alone you could guess he wasn’t much taller than a fifth grader.

“Don’t do shit, Mouse. I want to find that lil girl first.”

The blood in your veins ran cold at the mention of Nari. Now you had to kill them or they’d circle back to you. 

“Say less, Boss.”

“Lizard, keep your eye on him and Mouse? Go check that room.”

Changing positions, you hid behind the door, handgun exchanged with your combat knife and raised up in front of you. The heartbeats were loud in your ears and mouth dry from nervousness. All you had to do was catch him off guard and the rest would fall into place. 

The door opened inward and you pressed further into the wall, completely disappearing from his line of sight. Gently, you nudged it back in place and stalked behind the supposed Mouse. You were right, the man wasn’t tall and Yunho put him to shame with those long legs of his. Light on your feet almost as if floating through the air, you inched closer to him and advanced. Your hand went over his mouth, index finger and thumb pinching his nose shut, and the knife plunged hard into his back. Mouse barely struggled, which was a given, and you gently let him down. To guarantee he wouldn’t come back and bite you in the ass, quite literally, you allowed the blade to go through his skull, ending any chance of possessed resurrection.

One down. Two to go.

It would only be a question of time until their boss sent out the second guy to look for Mr. Pipsqueak over here and it wasn’t like you could dispose of the body and clean up all the blood. Whatever you’d do next would catch the attention of the leader and you hoped Yunho’s height wasn’t just a show off, but that he could actually take him on. For all you know they could be from the same community. Yunho did mention they were thirty to forty people.

Taking Mouse by his armpits, you dragged the body away from the door and hid it behind some crates. There was still a track of blood smeared all over the tiles leading straight to the body. It was how you wanted it to be. Mouse wasn’t completely useless. A flashlight was attached to his hip along with a fairly bigger gun than your own — you recognized it as a glock — and a taser. These guys were either a part of previous law enforcement or raided the place. You tore the bag off his shoulders and flung it over your own, it wasn’t heavy at all and you hoped he at least had some extra bullets. Feeling like you wasted enough time you hid behind two boxes stacked on top of each other on the opposite side of Mouse. Whoever entered would react to his body first before they’d catch a whiff of you.

Any time now, you thought and crouched into position. As if speaking into existence, the door swung violently and collided with the wall behind, and your muscles tensed. The grip on your knife tightened and you refrained from breathing too loud. You refrained from breathing at all. 

“What the fuck?”

Your plan was in motion as Lizard immediately noticed the blood. Anyone cautious enough would think of it as a biter attack and not something created by a pair of human hands. As thought, the man crossed the nonexistent threshold into the actual storage room and immediately saw his comrade in a forever slumber. He hastily turned around, gun up in the air and eyes wide, a wildfire spread in them as he locked gazes with you. His open mouth formed into a mean scowl and as his finger hugged the trigger, you lunged forward with your arms out. They pushed against his and — to your favor — changed the trajectory of his gun. The bullet was fired up in the sky, marking the start of your fight. 

Lizard shook you off himself and you fell with a roll landing behind more crates and boxes. As you got up on your feet, a pair of hands grabbed you by the collar of your shirt and smashed you back down. The air was knocked out of you and the telltales of a concussion quickly flooded your body. Your brain wasn’t getting enough oxygen and the world was spinning faster than a thousand miles per hour. Lizard threw a knee over each side of your hips and grasped a firmer hold around your neck. The air you were craving didn’t enter your lungs. Panic and the instinct to survive seeped in your veins as you desperately clawed at his hands. 

“You fucking bitch. Think you could take us out, huh?” He hauled you off the floor only to slam you back down. “C’mon, do something now. You can’t, can you? You bitches are good for nothing.” He chucked sinisterly. “Don’t worry, I’ll make it so you feel everything before I let you turn into those devil spawns.”

It felt disgusting. His rough hands on your skin and spit flying in your face. Tears clouded your eyes and the more he squeezed, the more it felt like they were going to pop out of your skull. It wouldn’t surprise you if veins were prominent on your head and neck or your nails turned a creepy shade of blue. You wondered if you looked as scary as the rotten biters. 

Lizard was staring into your soul. He made it his life mission to take you out. To see the life slip from you. If you weren’t on the verge of death with hands restricting your vocal chord, you’d ask him what woman rejected him to be calling you a bitch every five seconds. Too caught up with seeing you die, he was completely unaware of anything else. Eyes crazy and mouth pulled upwards, the happy expression scared you more than anything else and perhaps it was what still kept you going. Your arm was extended, fingers fighting to grasp the knife which was just about out of your reach. Black spots appeared in the air and it was getting harder and harder to stay conscious.

“Dumb bitch, do you think I’m fucking blind?”

Your combat knife landed in his hand — the other still pushing at your neck — and came up against your cheek. The sharp point rested against your delicate skin.

“I should leave a mark. What do you think? You’re quite pretty for a bitch.”

Garbled words were whispered out in the open. Realizing you wanted to say something, he let up on his hold. The inhale of oxygen was sharp and hurt more than it did soothe your lungs. 

“What did you say, scum?”

“I said,” you inhaled deeply and raspily exclaimed, “go fuck yourself!”

Your thick spit mixed with blood launched and landed straight in his eye. The knife was temporarily off your face as he wiped the saliva off his own.

“Should have picked a better choice of last words.”

A gun went off and your heart stopped. When did Lizard get a hold of his gun?

Warm, sticky blood splattered all over your face and your skin beneath the thick liquid burned. Lizard went limp and fell forward, and you wasted no time pushing him off you. He landed with a thud. The crazy from his eyes was gone and now he was left to stare lifelessly at the ceiling of a random storage room. More blood pooled on the floor and you stared at him, chest heaving and oxygen slowly getting back in your system. Your hearing was overtaken by a buzzing sound, like the whistle of a kettle or the harsh wind of a storm, and didn’t fully return until a few minutes later. 

Noticing a figure, you tore your gaze away from the body and it landed on something more lively. In front of you — not a scratch to his face and a few splatters of red adorning his cheeks and forehead — stood Yunho, one hand holding his gun and the other stuffed in the front pocket of his pants. His eyes trailed all over you, but lingered longer at the area around your neck, for what reason you couldn’t bother grasping as you were too busy catching your breath. Done ogling you, Yunho stuffed the gun in the holster attached to his hip and waited for you to accept his hand.

“Is your compassion back now?”

“Auntie!” 

The familiar voice of Nari snapped you out of the pain. You whipped your head around and were met with a flash of black hair and thin arms circling around you, pulling you closer to a shuddering body. The smell of rose petals and dirt wrapped around you in a secure blanket.

“Nari,” you croaked out. 

“You scared me.”

No words could relay how sorry you were and instead you embraced her in a hug, your hand coming to caress the back of her head as the other was gently laid on her back. Something wet hit your shoulder and seeped into your bloodied shirt. 

“It’s okay.”

You didn’t sound okay and your throat may have hurt, and you’d just gotten the cloud of darkness out of your view, but none of it mattered. Having Nari in your arms unharmed meant you were well too. Yunho silently stared at the intimate moment unraveling before his eyes. The forty people waiting for him back at camp were the equivalent of your one niece and he understood that. Everyone had people they’d do anything for, someone keeping them going in this living hell. Nari was your person. She helped you back on your legs. A bit shaky, but up nonetheless. With the back of your hand, you wiped away as much blood off your face as possible, but it felt like you were smearing it around.

“Here.”

You jumped at the four-letter-word and pushed Nari behind you. Yunho, who was holding your knife, gun and a rag you hadn’t seen before, didn’t take offense to your heightened protectiveness. You nearly died at the hands of another man, he’d be worried if you weren’t cautious of him. He gingerly held out your things and planted them in the palms of your hands. 

“I didn’t think you’d wait around.”

“I wasn’t,” you confessed and cleaned your face. The rag smelled of oil and tires. “But she talked me into it so if you’re going to thank someone, thank the kid.” 

At the mention of her doing, Nari peeked over your shoulder only to retreat as Yunho’s eyes found hers. Cute, he thought and smiled at her timidity.

“I know she makes the last calls, but thanks, kiddo. I’d probably be in a lot of trouble if it weren’t for you.”

A long silence settled over you. The fingers of Lizard still ghosted over your neck, an imaginary pressure squeezing your tendons and making you fight for air. With the expectation to touch the digits of someone else, your fingers ran alongside the tender area and the suffocating feeling disappeared. Yunho followed your movements, jaw clenched and eyes darkening at the sight of gradually growing blue and purple bruises on your skin. 

“We part ways here,” you declared and returned the cloth. 

“You think that’s a good idea?”

Yunho didn’t mean for it to come out as a threat and he backtracked when your stance grew defensive, your hand armed with the knife and the other thrown protectively in front of Nari. 

“It’s dangerous at night and you’re hurt. Come back to camp with me. My people, we could patch you up and give you food and medicine until you’re good enough to go out on your own.”

“Not a chance in hell.”

“Look, I know you’re suspicious of me. I get that, but I won’t hurt you. If I wanted you dead–”

“I’d have a bullet lodged between my eyes. I know, but I could also get a knife lodged through my back or neck snapped when least expected.”

Yunho sighed. “If you don’t think you need the help, at least think of your niece. A week or two where she doesn’t have to wake up wondering if you’ll have enough food and water to last you for the day. Don’t you think she deserves to have a break too? Where she can act her age and not be alert every waking hour of the day?”

What kind of question was that? Of course you wanted Nari to have a normal life. Where she could meet friends, go to the mall after school, have boyfriends and girlfriends — whichever she was into — experience her first heartbreak whether it be romantic or platonic. You wanted it all for her. You’d hand pluck each and every star in the sky if she asked you to. What you weren’t going to do, was put her in harm's way. 

“You’re asking me to do the impossible… Choosing between living and surviving.”

A small hand came to rest on your lower back, fingers weaving into your shirt and anchoring you. It didn’t make you flinch, the contact was an all too familiar occurrence by now. A wordless reminder to take a breather and actually think things through. To not make decisions based on what was right or wrong, safe or dangerous, life or death. Throwing a glance over your shoulder and seeing the sullen expression on Nari’s face was enough of a reason to accept Yunho’s offer. 

This girl would be the death of you and you’d have it no other way.

The ride to Yunho’s camp lasted for well over a day, but you didn’t set off until the sun peeked over the tall buildings of Seoul. You were already taking a risk trusting Yunho, the last thing you needed was a run in with the biters at night. On the bright side, it gave you more than enough time to search the store for necessities. There was little to no space left in Yunho’s Jeep and you were assured, if rationed sparingly, the supplies would last his group for a week or two. 

Beautiful scenery of abandoned farms and vibrant, lively forests passed in blurs. You couldn’t remember the last time you were out of the city. Away from skyscrapers, ditched vehicles and hoards of biters. At some point you passed a group of horses that once belonged to humans, but turned wild. Yunho switched the blinker to the left before turning, a built-in reflex from years of driving in normal traffic. He glanced in the rearview mirror and smiled. Nari was sprawled out in the backseat, her bag sufficed as a pillow and a purple stuffie — which Yunho had a hard time figuring out the species of — was trapped in her arms. He wondered how a girl seemingly his age and a child lasted so long without a network to lean back on.

“What did you do? You know, before everything went to shit?” 

The greenery was replaced with Yunho’s profile. You lingered a little, taking in the slope of his nose, pouty lips and pinkish ears. The ends of his hair curled, tickling his nape and falling over his eyes. As he averted his gaze for a split second, you hastily looked back out the window.

“Nothing. I had recently moved to Seoul with a fresh diploma. The plan was to find a job and save up for traveling and other shit, but job hunting didn’t go as expected so I worked part time babysitting my neighbor's daughter until an opportunity would present itself. The outbreak happened before I could put my education to use.”

“She’s not your niece?”

“Not by blood, no, but she’s the closest thing to a family I have left.”

It took a while until Yunho said something else. The running engine and the crunch of tires on gravel mixed with the stillness of the countryside. The conversation sent you down memory lane. Images of your dad teaching you how to ride a back and then a car popped up like an ad that shifted to one of your many girl’s days with your mom. Not bearing the cumbersome memories, you rolled down the window and aired the car out. 

“What about you? What were you doing?”

Yunho jolted and the car swirled left then right until it was back to driving in a straight line. A loud groan came from the back. Nari sat up, eyes squinted and lips pouting as a hand came up to rub against the back of her head. The driver offered her a sheepish smile and a whispered apology. He cleared his throat and pressed on the pedal, the car accelerated and with enough speed he shifted his right foot on the clutch and changed into a higher gear.

“I was working in a repair shop. School wasn’t it for me and I knew a dude whose father worked with cars so he pulled some strings and before I knew it, boom, I was seventeen and employed.”

For a second, you imagined him in blue working pants, a white tank top and smudges of oil on his fingers and cheeks. Maybe far in the future when you bought a car and it eventually broke down or needed an oil change, you’d stumble into his workplace and meet him there. No threat of having your brains blown out or body gnawed out by the infected, but be welcomed by his cheeky smile and the question of what needed to be fixed today. 

“So you can teach me how to drive?” Nari burst your bubble. Her head peeked out between the two front seats, one arm latched onto the headrest of Yunho’s seat and her upper body completely crossed over to the front. 

“Car rule, kiddo.”

An annoyed sigh left her lips as she dramatically flung back in her spot. With no hurry behind her moves, she buckled the seatbelt and crossed her arms over her chest. 

“And no, he can't teach you how to drive.”

Nari snapped her mouth shut and sank further down in her seat. You’d reconsider if she asked for it as a gift for her birthday, but that wish was already decided. While it could be necessary for survival, most of the cars you found were already emptied of gas and what good would it bring her if she couldn’t see over the wheel? She was already pushing it with wanting to handle a gun.

“I mean, I don’t mind going through the basics–”

Much like Nari, Yunho sealed his mouth shut at the scorching heat of your glare. No more words were exchanged apart from Nari asking Yunho about this supposed camp. Questions about how big it was, were there animals, were there dogs, what kind of rooms they had and other questions reminding you she was just a kid.

“We have a dog.”

“A dog! What’s its name?!”

Yunho hummed, “His name is Heart.”

As the two got into a nice conversation about the dog, stars glimmering in their eyes and hearts overflowing with joy, you caught wind of movement in the distance. A singular figure stopped in the middle of the road and at first glance it was almost mistaken for a biter, but as they raised their arms up and took on the stance of a man you realized you weren’t dealing with the infected. Eyes widening and brain not functioning to produce the words, you rapidly started hitting the dashboard.

“What?” Yunho glanced over at you and then back through the windshield, still not seeing anything alarming.

“Stop the fucking car!”

The bullets moved faster than Yunho could slam down on the brakes and tore right through the glass, piercing him in the shoulder. Nari screamed and Yunho tried avoiding the shooter, but the pain made it hard to maneuver the wheel and he drove into the person, killing them right on the spot. You turned around to check on Nari, hoping not one of the three bullets grazed her skin and as the car swiveled to the sides, you faced the front again. View obscured by cracks in the glass and shards flying everywhere, it was hard to make out the road and it wasn’t until you got closer to the other vehicles that you screamed.

“Watch out!”

The collision sent you into a deep sleep that would last until the sun kissed the horizon and greeted the moon on her way out. Stars twinkled in the sky, no city lights or air pollution there to dim the pretty view. You woke up with a stir. A heavy ache spread through the back of your head and spread to the front. Chirping of crickets and raspy groans filled the silence. You put a hand up to your head, feeling for a cut or blood or any injury to have you lightheaded, but there was nothing.

“Fuck,” you managed to get out through a dry mouth.

Unbuckling the belt, you turned around and were met with a switchblade in your face and Nari’s teary eyes staring at you. Furrowing your brows, a noise akin to a confused hum left you and your gaze ventured to a passed-out Yunho. 

“Please, please, please don’t be one of them. Please, don’t make me do this. Anyone but you.”

You glanced back at Nari and saw big, fat tears running down her cheeks. The knife in her hand was shaking and her breathing was unstable. Images of the incident flashed in your mind; the shooting, Yunho’s shoulder, the collision, you losing consciousness. 

“Nari, are you alright? Are you hurt?”

As you moved further over the console to see her better, she shimmied backwards and yelped.

“Don’t touch me! Please.”

You weren’t scared of the weapon, but of the one behind it. However, in this situation, you knew Nari wasn’t capable of hurting a fly let alone the one person who cared for her. The knowledge didn’t soothe your mind. Clasping your hands around her shaking ones, you took the switchblade out of her hold and ran your thumb soothingly over her skin. 

“It’s okay. We’re okay.”

“Yunho,” she started and wiped her nose. “He’s hurt. There was so much blood and, and–”

You couldn’t fathom how you didn’t notice his bare body, the bloodied bandage going around his shoulder and chest, or his faint breathing as if barely there. 

“I– I tried fixing it. I used one of our medkits to stop the bleeding, but I didn’t know how.”

Your fingers gently pressed on his bandage and then you hovered them beneath his nose. “No, it’s good, I think you've stopped the bleeding. It’s his breathing I’m concerned about.”

“Why?”

“It’s weak. We have to get him to that camp.” 

You unbuckled his seatbelt and moved his chair further back. With gentle slaps to his face, you called his name. God knows what you’d do if he didn’t wake up. There was no way you’d be able to carry him out of the car and into the backseat.

“Come on, wake up!” You hissed and started pulling at his eyelids. It was after the fifth repeat of his name that he fluttered them open. 

“Angel?”

“Who’s Angel?” Nari asked.

Disregarding her question, you gave him one more chaste slap to the cheek. “Are you with me?”

Yunho nodded and tried to sit up, only to groan in pain and fall back.

“Yeah, buddy. I don’t know if you remember, but you got shot. It looks pretty bad and we need to get you help.” 

“It hurts.” 

“I can imagine. Can you hold out until you’re in the back?”

With a determined nod and sigh of exasperation the plan was in motion. Before jumping out into the dark, you scoped out the area and spotted a handful of biters standing quite far from the car. 

“We gotta be quick,” you warned and ran over to Yunho’s side. 

Throwing open the door and placing his uninjured arm over your shoulders, you helped him — more like pulled him — out of the car. Nari was quick to open the backdoor from inside and move away. Blood drew from how hard you were biting your tongue. He was making quite a fuss and the last thing you needed was to gather the attention of the biters. By the time you were behind the wheel, Nari had jumped to the front from between the seats. 

“Will you be able to see?” Nari gestured to the broken windshield. 

By some miracle, the whole glass was still intact except for the one hole created by the bullet currently inside Yunho’s shoulder. The other shots probably hit something less vital or completely missed the vehicle.

“Yeah, it’s not that bad. Annoying? Definitely, but manageable. Just put on the seatbelt and give me your map.”

Doing as told, you unfolded the paper and turned to Yunho. “Okay, hey. Hey! Are you with me? Good. Now, point out where we’re going.”

Slow as ever and shaking like a baby foal, he managed to press his finger on the paper and you were quick to mark it down with a pen. 

“Good, that’s good. Nari, you keep an eye on him. If he falls asleep, wake him. We don’t want him sleeping for more than a few minutes at a time. If he shows any sign of turning, and I mean any sign, you tell me or we’re all as good as screwed.”

“Got it.”

The most recent time you handled a car, you were still living with your parents and only really used the family car for when going somewhere out of town. Driving was like walking. Once you got it down it was a part of your nervous system. Sure, your skills could get rusty the longer you went without driving, but they sat in the back of your mind like the multiplication table. 

You were an hour into the drive and by your calculations, you wouldn’t reach the spot for another two.

“Who do you think Angel is?”

“It’s none of my concern, Nari.”

“No, but I’m curious. Do you think it’s a friend?” Your silence spurred her on. “Or a girlfriend?” She tauntingly wiggled her brows and you had half a mind not to steer the car into a tree.

“Again, it really isn’t my or your business.”

“What Korean person is named Angel though? Isn’t that, like, really foreign?” Nari gasped dramatically. “What if it’s his child? People are more modern with names these days, but he does look a bit too young to be a dad…”

“Nari,” you said, a sternness to your tone.

“Okay, okay… But what if he thought you were an angel?”

It was going to be a long two hours. 

Multiple signs with poor writing were stationed with a distance of ten miles between each board. The words were in black — whether it be by paint, a marker or a spraycan, you didn’t know — with an arrow showing what direction to follow.

“Sector one, all survivors are welcome. Doesn’t sound that bad, right?”

You scratched the side of your neck. The consistent position of sitting with your arms stretched out and feet on the pedals was giving you an ache in your back.

“I guess we’ll just have to see. How’s he holding up?”

Nari wiped sweat off Yunho's forehead. “He’s still breathing. A bit sweaty, but he’s not burning up.”

“We’ll be there soon enough. Let’s hope at least one of these forty people is a doctor or something. There’s only so much a medkit can do.”

Noticing another sign, you flashed the high beams and lit up the whole road. The only difference about this poster was the additional wooden plank beneath reading, five kilometers away and an arrow showing left. Doing as the sign read, you turned left and came off the street into a secluded path obscured by trees and bushes. It was big enough for three mid-sized cars, but it was still suffocating. If anything jumped out, you’d only have the option to run them over.

“This is scary,” Nari whispered from the back as if a louder volume would draw an army of people or biters from nowhere.

“Agreed.” You stepped on the gas and advised Nari to hold on as the road was getting bumpier the faster you went. Yunho’s head bobbed to the side and hit the window multiple times until Nari placed Spiderfrog between them.

The forest gradually grew further and further away from the road until a chain-linked fence came into view. What came next was like something taken out of a fairy tale. On the other side stood big cement walls with barbed wire continuing all around the top edge. It was already impossible to climb them due to their height, but the steel spikes made it abundantly clear to not even try. Each corner of the walls had a little house, like a treehouse created out of stone, with a perfect sight miles away. The greenery separated the remaining world from the castle-like building and you wondered where in hell you had arrived. As the magic of a fairy tale evaporated into thin air, it dawned on you where Yunho’s group had taken shelter. 

At a prison.

“Look.” Nari’s arm came through the middle and her index finger raised at something so obvious it should’ve been the first thing to catch your eye. 

The Jeep slowed down as you lightly pressed on the brakes and shifted down until in the first gear. A sign bigger than all of the previous ones you’d seen combined was nailed to the gates of the chain fence. There were actually two signs, one nailed to each door. 

Welcome to Sector One.

Pulling on the handbrake and turning the keys sideways, you breathed out as the vibrations of the car came to a stop. The keys were left in the ignition. You weren’t going to take chances on an ambush happening and you panicking with finding the right key, inserting it and starting the car without stalling it.

Checking your gun and reloading it with the bullets you found in Mouse’s bag, you turned to Nari. “I’ll go first. Don’t get out until I give a signal that it’s clear, alright?”

“Yes.”

You gave them one last glance. Yunho looked peaceful, but lacked the warmness he greeted you with and although you didn’t know him well enough, it was still weird seeing him like that. Treading on the thin line between sleep and death. Then there was Nari. The girl had grown… you wouldn’t say attached, but rather fond of him and his kindness. There weren’t a lot of people who offered you a roof over your heads and food in your tummies, besides, she was still young when the breakdown happened. Not nearly enough time spent in this world to create bonds with more people, especially kids her age. Yunho was — other than you — her closest thing to a friend, someone she deliberately chose to befriend and stand up for. Something was telling you he wasn’t about to leave your lives any time soon and if this place proved to be as good as he was making it to be, you'd be forever in his debt.

You stepped out of the car and quickly surveyed the area. It was still dark out and the moon was high up in the sky. Staying on alert with your gun ready, you stalked closer to the gates. The towers seemed to be empty of watchers and you didn’t know whether to feel happy or wary of it. If the place was safe, shouldn’t someone be on the lookout? The sound breaching your ears seconds before Yunho was upgraded with a new wound to his body went off again and a bullet — you couldn’t see, but feel — skimmed past your toes. If you had a penny for every time you were shot at, you’d have two. Not the biggest number in town, but it sure was crazy considering it all happened in the span of two days.

Clasping your gun between both of your hands, you aimed it high and looked around. The bullet came from a place where the shooter had a perfect view of everything. Your eyes widened as a body that wasn’t there seconds ago stood in the tower closest to the gate. No wonder you didn’t see them, they blended perfectly in with the dark swirls of the sky. You’d argue their black clothes — a hoodie pulled over their head and swallowing them completely — were darker than the background. However, it wasn’t their sudden appearance that had you frozen in place, it was the rifle resting in their embrace.

“Drop the gun and step back,” they shouted and when you didn’t comply, they continued. “Drop the gun or have your brains blown out. It’s your decision, sweetheart.”

Cursing the mysterious person didn’t feel like it would give you free entry into Sector One. Then again, if it meant dealing with armed people shooting without a thought behind their heads then you didn’t want in. For the sake of Nari though, you did as the guy ordered and raised your hands in a mocking gesture.

“Kick it away from you!”

“Are you serious?” You mumbled beneath your breath. The guy was really testing your patience. Playing the part of an obedient dog, you sent your handgun hurling toward the gates.

“Nice Jeep you have there. Where’d you get it?”

“A friend of mine.” 

In any other circumstance Yunho wouldn’t be described as your friend. Heck, you couldn’t even call him an acquaintance. The guy was still a stranger in your eyes, but you wouldn’t test your luck with the rifle-guy. 

He chuckled — dare you say charmingly — and lowered the rifle so it was resting on the rails of the tower. 

“That’s funny because my friend has the exact same car with the exact same logo on the front and last time I checked, my friend went out alone for some dog food and not with some girl. So, let’s try this again… Nice Jeep you have there. Where’d you get it?”

“Yunho. His name is Yunho. A funny guy, quite tall too.”

Rifle-guy moved with such speed that the hood slid off his head. The weapon was raised again and you were certain he was a millimeter away from shooting you dead. 

“What did you do to him? You better answer fast or I’ll send so many bullets through you, we’ll alert every biter in a ten mile radius.”

“He’s in the back. Breathing, but barely. He offered me a place to stay and we got attacked on our way here… I stopped the bleeding, but there’s no guarantee of his survival.”

Time seemed to stop as the guy didn’t move. You didn’t dare breathe louder and tensed your whole body from moving an inch. Anyone with a weapon aimed at you and their finger on the trigger wasn’t to be trusted. A bullet could be fired with the slightest of movement and you weren’t about to suffer the same fate as Yunho for breathing a little harder or accidentally losing your footing.

Feeling impatient you cleared your throat and spoke up. “I can show you… Yunho. I can show you he’s in the backseat.”

“How do I know you won’t get something to shoot me with?”

“Because people who have something to lose won’t act so recklessly.”

“And, do pray tell, what is it that you value so highly?”

Letting out a shaky sigh, you slowly turned your head sideways and looked through the cracked windshield. The guy couldn’t see her, but you and Nari made immediate eye contact. You flickered your right hand forward slowly and she caught onto what you were trying to convey. The backdoor opened and with a copy of your stance, Nari exited the car, arms high and vacant of the switchblade you gifted her. She came up to stand beside you, a tight-lipped smile on her face. The guard was taken back as a literal child appeared. Of all the people he encountered over the wall, not once had he aimed the muzzle at a kid. It was usually Yunho or some of the others who brought them in. He dealt with strangers who were lost or searched for cover. Rifle-guy closed his gaping mouth and lowered his weapon again. 

“Stay there. I don’t want either of you to move,” he explained and proceeded to talk into a device.

A lamp on the other side of the fence lit up and two figures appeared from a door leading into the building. They were heavily armed, so much you could see, and were of a great build. One was challenging the other with his height — he even gave Yunho a run for it — but the other made up with his broad shoulders. Both carried a rifle each and had thick vests going over their chests, leaving you wondering what kind of camp this was. Were all newcomers welcomed with a rifle straight out of the military embassy and a one-month training program to become ripped?

The pair stopped and just stared at you through the fence. The headlights of Yunho’s Jeep reached to their knees, but made their faces more visible. The first thing catching your attention was the freshly bleached hair on the tall one. It looked ridiculous, but his serious expression scared you into being quiet. Not to mention his sharp yet round eyes which told you he wasn’t amused by your presence. He stuck out like a sore thumb. His companion was more subtle, with parted black hair and a short fringe falling in front of his eyes, but in a fashionable way and not the my-hair-is-a-mess way. Speaking of his eyes, they were sharper than Mr. Snow White over there, but held the heat of a bored tiger. He had very prominent cheekbones and naturally styled brows every model dreamed of having. The sleeveless shirt he was wearing gave a beautiful view of his thick arms, you’d argue his one bicep was the size of your head. 

The men were as handsome as they were dangerous and you first realized how unfortunate of a situation you were in. Yunho was a nice guy, but his actions didn’t seem to reflect those of his friends. The sound of the gates opening by a mechanic whirring snapped you out of your worrisome thoughts. 

“Don’t move,” said the white-haired one. His voice was deeper than the ocean and struck you to the core. 

You wanted to let him know you weren’t planning on it, the threat of rifle-guy hanging over your head. As Snow White advanced to the car and picked up your abandoned gun on his way, his friend held you at gunpoint. You cast a quick glance to the watchtower and saw rifle-guy doing the same thing, his weapon supposedly aimed at Nari. Their positions didn’t change, not even when the car door opened and Yunho was carefully thrown over his friend’s shoulder. The pair shared a look and you were ushered back in the car before you could ask about Yunho’s well-being. Nari followed shortly and it confused you as to why she sat in the passenger seat. When the black haired guy sat right behind you, gun positioned toward Nari, you understood.

“Drive up to the door. Don’t think of doing anything funny and I won’t hurt the kid.”

Through the rear-view mirror you held his heated gaze and he raised a perfectly arched brow as if daring you to disobey. Giving up, you started the car and did as ordered. If you had known you’d be rewarded with your heroism by having a gun presented to Nari’s head, you'd have taken the Jeep and left Yunho on the side of the road. Instead, you listened to a freshly turned ten-year-old and got thrown into a jail cell, all for trying to help a guy not die. It could have been worse, you tried convincing yourself. The guards — is what you decided to call them — could have separated you and Nari. 

You didn’t expect much of a prison. The most you knew was from textbooks and documentaries online, and the material didn’t give you the best image of the place. You expected dirt, filth and wickedness everywhere. The prisons you heard of gave nothing to the prisoners, they treated them like animals with shitty food and equally shitty sleeping arrangements. To see your cell furnished with a bunk bed, a table in the corner and blankets, you were bewildered. San — the shorter guy with broad shoulders and a tiny waist — locked you in with the promise of returning shortly. Staying true to his words he came back, but with the company of Mr. Snow White. The only real bad side to this arrangement was them taking away all your weapons. Nari’s switchblade, and your combat knife and handgun were all in the possession of San.

“Up to the wall,” he ordered and didn’t lock up the door until your backs were one with the wall.

Mr. Snow White entered first with two trays in hand. Your eyes quickly scanned what he was holding. It was food and water. You weren’t going to lie, the food looked appetizing and you hadn’t eaten a warm meal in a good while, but you knew better than to accept food from strangers. Mr. Snow White placed the trays on the table and straightened back up.

He cleared his throat and clasped his hands behind his back. “I’m Mingi.”

Your eyes didn’t leave his and the neutral expression on your face didn’t falter. He didn’t move and you realized he was waiting to hear your names. You licked your dry lips and glared harder at him. You weren’t going to tell him any–

“Nari. I’m Nari,” she spoke up from beside you.

You whipped your head toward her and she was purposefully avoiding your gaze. You couldn’t believe your ears. There wasn’t a critical thought behind that head of hers. Glancing back at Mingi, he raised a brow and tilted his head sideways. Being left with no other choice, you gave up your name. Just because you were exchanging pleasantries didn’t mean you were going to be all friendly with them though. They literally took you hostage after you helped one of theirs. 

“Okay… Uh, eat.”

As San fiddled with the jail doors, you coughed up the courage to ask about Yunho.

The jingling of his keys stopped and San looked up at you. The fierce aura from when he held you at gunpoint and growled threats in your ears was replaced by an unexpected softness. His eyes didn’t send blades your way and the corners of his mouth weren't pulled in a scowl. Everything about him was completely different and for a flicker of a second you could see the same compassion lit in his soul as well as Yunho’s.

“He’s okay. He’s better. You did a good job stopping the bleeding. He’s still… Unconscious, but his breathing is more stable now.” San sighed and stuffed the key back in his pocket. “I’d like to ask what happened, but it’s not… Our Captain wants to talk to you first thing in the morning.”

You weren’t surprised at the alias for their leader, it seemed like a lot of people had a knack for weird names.

“I want to talk to Yunho. He’s the only face I can somewhat trust.”

“And you will, but first you’ve got to talk to the captain and then as soon as Yunho wakes up we’ll bring you to him, so eat and rest.”

Neither of you moved toward the food. It smelled delicious though and your stomach was turning in on itself from hunger. Seasoned chicken and potatoes. How they’d acquire that you had no idea. It didn’t matter though. Everything came with a price, before it was actual money, but now you could be forced to pay in numerous ways. Some which you didn’t want to imagine.

“And the food? What do you want for it?”

“Want for it?” His dark brows scrunched together and a little wrinkle appeared on the surface between them. 

“What do you want in exchange for the food?”

As if a light switch went off in his head, he waved his hands around. “Nothing? Nothing! It’s free, I mean, it’s leftovers from dinner… We’re not like that. The thing out front was just a precaution. I promise.” 

His gaze shifted from you to Nari and his expression softened into that of pity. You both kept quiet as his somber eyes trailed over her lean body and you were a toothpick away from pushing her behind you.

“You’re too thin for a kid… Please, eat… And when you’re done, I’ll– I’ll, uh, bring you something sweet, okay?”

“I like chocolate,” Nari whispered.

“Well, I hope you like pudding because we have lots of it.” As San closed the last big door separating you from the rest of the camp with the reminder to eat, you wasted no time chastising Nari for her lack of critical thinking.

“You can’t go around and trust people like that. This,” you gestured toward the area outside the cell, “isn’t permanent. We don’t know what they want or what they do to newcomers like us. Not to mention they think we hurt Yunho.”

“But we can’t always expect the worst to happen. They could help, Yunho said they would help.”

“Yunho isn’t here! It’s just you and me locked up. Out there we could at least roam free, but now, we don’t even know if we’ll ever see daylight again.”

Fatigue tugged at your eyelids and all the muscles in your body burned from overexhaustion. You plopped down on the bottom bunk, arms propped on your knees and head in your hands, as you tried assessing the situation. However you looked at it, you were at a disadvantage. Your only hope would be Yunho waking up and even then you weren’t entirely free from harm. The tall man could still lie and put the blame for his wound on you.

The bubble of darkness burst as keys clashed together and the cell door was harshly opened. You didn’t remember falling asleep or laying down in bed, or the feel of your head hitting the plush pillow. It just happened. Rolling off the bed, you took on a defensive stance with your hands coming up to your face. You were ready to pounce at anyone daring to come inside.

“I thought I told you guys to eat?”

Blinking your weary eyes awake, you took in the disappointed look of San. This guy apparently had a thing for promises because he was standing there with a chocolate flavored pudding in hand. The two trays on the side were once filled with warm food and had turned cold from being out in the open for long. Your stomach growled in retaliation and you tried pushing back the thought of regret.

Regret for not eating. Regret for yelling at Nari. Regret for helping Yunho.

“And I told you I wanted to speak with Yunho.”

Additional shuffling footsteps echoed in the empty block and the familiar head of black locks peeking from around the side of your cell grabbed your attention.

“Calm down now.”

“Yunho!” Nari wasted no time climbing down the ladder. Her imaginary tail wagged violently as if an excited dog reuniting with her friend from the park. Thinking about it, you weren’t that far off with the visual imagination. They got into a small conversation about his shoulder that quickly shifted to questions about Heart. You breathed out and slumped down on the chair behind you. Yunho was alright. He was breathing and talking and walking just fine. The chances of your and Nari’s survival skyrocketed by fifty percent. He gently patted the top of her head and a dimple you hadn’t paid attention to earlier formed on his cheek. The ripped pieces of fabric from last night were replaced by a white loose-fitting t-shirt and — instead of wearing his black jeans — a pair of gray sweatpants covered his long legs. 

“You’re okay.”

Yunho hummed. “Of course. It takes more than a measly bullet to get rid of me.”

“You were closer to death than life,” was what you wanted to say, but held back. It wasn’t your place to remind him of his state. Besides, he wasn't anyone of importance. Yunho was your ticket to safety until you decided to move along somewhere else.

“Not to interrupt your lovely reunion, but Captain wants to see you soooo,” San interrupted. “Let’s go.”

He proceeded to sheepishly smile as you raised a brow at the loaded rifle in his hands. “I’m sorry, but it’s just a precaution.”

A precaution for what? They already took all of your things. How big of a threat could you pose with your bare hands and a kid against a mountain-shaped guy and his skyscraper of a friend? There was nothing you could do to put a scratch on either of them and you were certain you’d get an arm, if not both, broken in return.

“Can we see Heart after this?” 

San’s brows flew up at the question and he turned toward Yunho who was still sporting a bright smile. “They know about Heart?”

The taller of the two men only shrugged, but the gleeful expression gave him away. You didn’t have enough energy to reprimand Nari for her nonchalant behavior. The girl was doing whatever she wanted and you didn’t deem the situation dangerous enough to land either of you in trouble, unless the dog was rabid and attacked at first sight.

“Let’s see what their leader wants first, okay?” You put a hand on her shoulder and guided her out of the cage.

Nothing prepared you for the walk from one empty cell block to another full of people gauging you like circus freaks. It wasn’t that weird considering you and Nari looked to be taking daily baths in the sewers and voluntarily gave each other body altercating wounds, but it annoyed you nonetheless. Fear pooled in their eyes, young as old, and you wondered how out of touch with reality they really were. July turned into August three times since the outbreak started. What kind of rules was Sector One built upon if their people couldn’t hold their own? 

It made your blood boil. You wanted to give them a reason to be scared. Bare your teeth at them and ask what they had been doing while you were fighting for your life day by day. 

“This is where I stop. Yunho will be with you, so just follow him,” San said from behind you. “Captain’s already waiting inside, Yun.”

“Roger that soldier… Come on, let’s not keep him waiting.”

The room they labeled the ‘Captain’s headquarters’ was probably where the previous warden spent most of their time while working. It looked nice. Classy. You could argue it was a different world than the rest of the jail. There was actual furniture inside, two leather sofas facing each other with an expensive looking table in the middle. To your left was a little window looking out on the common room; the area where people ogled you like nothing. Behind the leather set up was a mahogany desk where a man much shorter than Yunho, Mingi and San sat. Two pairs of chairs were placed across from him, letting you know he was expecting your and Nari’s presence.

The most outstanding detail of his was the white bandage wrapped around his forehead and slightly over his right eye. Captain — as they called him — stood up, a smile taking over his features and his eye creasing from cheesing too much. He had quite a peculiar look to himself; short black hair in the front that grew more at the back and covered his nape like a semi-mullet with the sides freshly shaved. His nose was charming and pointed, quite small too and the lone eye reminded you of a cat’s. Mischievous and cunning. 

Unlike the rest of the people you’d met, this guy wasn’t wearing plain clothing. A white button-up shirt clung to his thin frame and a pair of black slacks actuated his well-formed legs. It wasn’t something people wore in the apocalyptic setting as they opted for clothes allowing them more movement. To top it off, a green military jacket reaching above his ankles hid the fancy outfit underneath. 

“Take a seat, please.”

While you and Nari did as told, Yunho cleared his throat from behind and the leader’s eyes (or well, eye) lit up with a particular glow.

“It’s nice to see you back on your feet, Yunho, but try not to die when you go out on a mission next time, hm?” 

Said man mockingly saluted and leaned against the wall beside the door. 

“Want anything to drink? Water, tea, juice?”

Your stone cold expression conveyed your answer and the silence from Nari wasn’t hard to decipher either. 

“The offer still stands if you change your mind… Anyways, welcome to Sector One. I’m Hongjoong or as the people call me, Captain.”

You didn’t put up a fight to keep your names a secret. Mingi, San and Yunho already knew of them and it wouldn’t take long until one of the three whispered it in their leader’s ears. 

“I already know of you. I talked to San, Mingi and Wooyoung about it and the guys told me fairly the same things, but I’m still curious about what you have to say.”

“Does it make a difference?” You asked and parted your legs, leaning comfortably against the backrest and your arms coming up to cover your chest. “You’re obviously going to believe your little soldiers before even taking into account what I have to say.”

Hongjoong smiled even wider, not taking his lone eye off you and it was slowly starting to bug you out. Especially when he didn’t blink and just continued holding your gaze. 

“That’s valid, but I’d rather hear your side before I decide on anything. Think of Yunho as an alibi, plus you look quite young to be fending for your life. For both of your lives, so I’m feeling a bit sentimental.”

The insult of him shoving his dick up his own ass didn’t get to be flung out in the open as Nari took the lead of the conversation. She spilled everything from your first encounter with Yunho to your near-death experience as a person appeared out of thin air and unloaded rapid shots.

“And Yunho said you had a dog named Heart and promised me I’d get to meet him!”

Hongjoong, who was resting his arms on the desk with his fingers intertwined and lips touching the skin, sighed and gently sank in his chair. His arms fell on each armrest and his head lolled to the side as if in deep thought.

“We do have a dog named Heart and that does sound like something Yunho would say… Tell me more.”

Always eager to humiliate you, Nari jumped straight into action. “He called auntie Angel… When he went in and out of consciousness.”

Your body heated at the memory and Yunho’s eyes widened. He had no recollection of that happening. A pink hue which rapidly changed to a darker red settled over his ears and he hastily avoided the curious eye of Hongjoong, much like you. The short man couldn’t hold himself from laughing and you were a molecule away from threatening him.

“Who is Angel?” Nari turned in her seat and stared at Yunho with a curious gaze. She was dead set on figuring out this mysterious person. 

Hongjoong recovered, but the yellow glow of happiness didn’t dim from his face.

“Oh, little one. There’s no one named Angel at camp.” He glanced over at you who glared daggers at the pristine white wall. “I’m almost a hundred percent convinced Yunho thought your auntie was an angel coming to save him and I can’t say I blame him for mixing them up.”

“Will you shut up?” You snarled.

“No. I don’t think I will.” He smirked while standing up and averting his attention to Yunho, who wanted nothing more than for the ground to swallow him whole. “Does that sound familiar to you?” 

“Uh… Ye– Yeah.” Yunho scratched the lobe of his ear, growing uncomfortable as they burned more. 

“Good… Now, I’ll consider keeping quiet if you tell me what it is you want. Why did you come here?”

“Yunho offered us a place to rest until we headed back out on the road.”

“So you wanna stay, is that it?” 

Hongjoong didn’t like when people circled around things, you mentally noted. He wanted it served straight to the point and you understood; he was a leader with people to look out for, but it didn’t make it less embarrassing asking for help. For the sake of Nari, you swallowed your pride, albeit with difficulty, and nodded.

“Then enlighten me. How many infected have you killed?”

The dumbest thing to come out of this apocalypse — after the biters — would be these questions. You didn’t survive this long by hiding and outrunning the dead, it was a common fact and as far as you knew, Hongjoong couldn’t have talked his way out of an encounter with biters. As for other humans, you didn’t doubt his sharp tongue and talent for outsmarting them in getting what he wanted. It was no wonder Sector One was functioning, the whole organization was under his care.

“Could you answer how many breaths you’ve taken since birth? Exactly. It’s too many to count, but it’s well over a hundred.”

A tense silence spread through the room. You couldn’t decipher the look on his face. He would be an infuriating opponent in a game of poker.

“How many people have you killed?”

“Five…” You exhaled a big gust of air and kept your eyes trained on your shoes. 

The memories of each person at the end of your knife or gun weren’t pleasant. They were locked in a chest in the back of your head with no intention to be let out. It took you far too long to get used to their faces appearing in your sleep. Waking up from a rapidly beating heart and heaving chest became a part of your routine until it suddenly stopped. It didn’t mean you weren’t thinking of them whenever you were stuck in a silence too loud for your own inner voice.

“Why?”

Curse Hongjoong’s curious mind and soft spoken tone. You really didn’t want to talk about it, but you also didn’t want to risk being thrown out of the prison — every convicted person was probably turning in their graves — as it was currently the safest place for Nari.

“The first one… It was a mercy kill and the only life I took without the intent of surviving,” you began and avoided Nari’s eyes. No one knew of this. Only you, the victim and whoever was watching above.

“It was still early on in the apocalypse and Nari hadn’t even turned double digits so I rarely ever brought her with me. This was one of the times she stayed in our old base while I went out looking for food. Back then I was scared of searching through stores and my biter kill count hadn’t even gone over five, so I stuck to clearing houses and small corner shops… 

“The house was relatively empty and it didn’t take me longer than three minutes to continue upstairs. It was a boy, maybe around Nari’s age now. I found him hiding in his parents’ bedroom, blanket up to his chin and face entirely wet and red from crying. He was bit and yeah… There wasn’t much I could do.”

Casting upwards, you locked gazes with Hongjoong. The stone-hard expression was still there, but a twinkle of sympathy flickered in his brown eyes.

“The most recent one was when Yunho found us,” you continued. “A group of men wanted to raid the same store as us and well… they weren’t the kindest of guys. It was either kill or be killed. Yunho can vouch for that.”

It was quiet after that. You could faintly hear the people going on about their day in the cell blocks and the small details of life around you. Yunho’s shifting in place. Nari picking on the skin around her thumb. The clock ticking above the doorway.

“You mentioned five people, but we’ve only heard about two.”

You should’ve known better than to think Hongjoong wouldn’t ask about the remaining three. It wasn’t something you were proud of, but it needed to happen or everything you’ve based your new life around would go to waste.

Sensing Nari move in her seat, you decided to keep the explanation brief. “Some men… attacked Nari.”

“That’s all?” Hongjoong asked, curious as to why they weren’t getting a lengthy story.

“That’s all you need to know. They put her in danger and I put them six feet under… I protected my own. Wouldn’t you do the same?”

“I have. We all have.”

The reply was instant. So he did kill someone. Not that he’d ever know, but you were intrigued. How? When? Why? In this time and day it’d be more concerning if he hadn’t killed someone.

“I’m willing to let you stay on one condition.”

He brought you out of your bubble. You squinted and folded your arms. “Which is?”

Hongjoong rounded the desk and leaned back on it. Legs crossed and hands coming back to rest on the edge of the surface. “You may stay in Sector One… but because of Yunho’s injury, one of you will have to look for resources in his place.”

To be frank, the offer wasn’t bad. You were already in charge of scavenging and finding safety over your heads. It was a no-brainer Nari would stay inside the four walls of Sector One and you’d take Yunho’s responsibility while he recovered. It would only be for a few days, you reasoned with yourself, and then you’d take Nari by the hand and leave to a new destination.

“Hongjoong! I’m perfectly fine going on my own–” Yunho was interrupted and stopped advancing forward, his hands hovering in the air as your voice overpowered his.

“I’ll do it, but I have a requirement of my own.”

“Go ahead.”

“I’ll do the scavenging, clearing areas and helping around the prison if Nari stays out of it all.”

“Auntie!”

“Butt out.” You threw her a look and she sank back in her seat, an angry pout taking over her lips. “Do we have a deal?”

Hongjoong smiled and held out his hand that you shook with strength. 

“Deal… Yunho, fill her in on how things work around here, would ya?”

“...Yes, Captain.”

The agreement to stay a week or two in exchange for risking your life prolonged to a month. But with a little persuasion from Wooyoung — the guy who nearly shot your toes off — and Yunho, you came to the realization that staying in Sector One until further notice was a better option for Nari than living on the streets. 

Week three of temporarily living in the prison was inaugurated by another run for supplies and you were meeting Hogjoong’s demands by going alone. San offered to come with — something he had been every single time — but you told him you could hold your own and that the prison needed him more than you would. He didn’t fight your decision and also refrain from hiding the concern on his face. San was like that, you realized. If he wasn’t planted on the post or following Hongjoong’s orders, then he’d be doing rounds asking everyone if there was anything they needed. 

Another sweet guy who wasn’t all content with you venturing outside the prison walls on your own was Yunho. It was his fault you were doing so in the first place, of course he wouldn’t be happy with you doing runs in his stead. He didn’t want to entertain the possibility of you getting hurt or — even worse — bit. Yunho would never forgive himself. You didn’t have time to reassure either of them you’d be fine. They were both old enough to know such promises wouldn’t hold longer than a goldfish out of its tank. You simply collected requests of the people inside and tried to cross out as many things on the list as possible. To keep everything under control, you made up the rule that everyone could wish for one thing each and it had to be bearable otherwise it would be impossible to shorten the list. 

Today was a successful day. A toothpick wouldn't fit in your bag from how packed it was. Batteries, hard soap, pads, cigarettes, crayons, dog treats, books, pacifiers, chocolate bars, you had it all and headed home. A blue collar with a silver heart attached to it was stuffed in the back pocket of your jeans. It was dirty, the color barely distinguishable from the dust and stains, and the heart locket started taking on a green hue. It was perfect for Heart and would be a shame to leave it behind. You were usually strict with your rules and rarely brought back things people didn’t ask for or were deemed unnecessary. The only exception was if it were something for Nari (you had to get better with that, but honestly speaking, you couldn’t care less). Back at the prison — one hour earlier than scheduled — you circled cell block two and handed out the goods to the respective person. Soon enough you were left with an empty bag and an unsolicited bag of chips in your hands, the extra salty type that made your mouth shrink and turn back in on itself. There was only one person you knew who was dying to eat these.

“Oh, you’re back already?” Mingi greeted you with a smile as you entered block one. 

The giant got up from his seat in one of the round tables and you met him in the middle. “Yeah. I underestimate how fast I actually am on my own.” 

“Better that than to have us running around like headless hens thinking something’s happened… Whatchu got there?”

“Snacks… For Nari. She really loves chips.”

“Cool. Ay, don’t let Yunho see you with that, it’s his favorite flavor,” Mingi chuckled and his boxy smile appeared, and as did his dimples.

“What a coincidence,” you murmured and cleared your throat. “Where is he anyways? Shouldn’t he be on… like, some duty?”

“Nah or well… yeah, but nah?”

You tilted your head quizzically and your eyebrows scrunched together like two furry caterpillars. Mingi waved you away as if you were the one spewing nonsense. Was he or was he not on duty?

“You’ll get what I mean when you see him. He’s in his cell doing nothing… something. No-so-thing?”

Twenty-one days. You had known Mingi for twenty-one days and each time you conversed, he didn’t fail to leave you more perplexed than the last time. His white hair should have been enough of a warning he was somewhat weird or at the very least confusing, but the equal amount of kind.

As you were told, Yunho was in his cell. You moved the white sheet that was covering his cell and admired his peaceful form laying in bed. Arms bent at the elbows and fingers intertwined beneath the back of his head while his ankles crossed over each other. The bed wasn’t quite fit for his tall figure making his feet stick out over the edge. You understood what Mingi meant now. Yunho was put on duty… a duty to rest until healed. Although that didn’t stop him from keeping the positive spirits up in the place. The first few days spent around him and his happy-go-lucky demeanor were enough for you to believe he was putting up a facade. You refused to believe the constant happiness he spread around was genuine. Witnessing even a quarter of the apocalypse was enough to tarnish any positive emotion inside a person and Yunho surely couldn’t be immune to that. But the more you lingered around him, the more you realized he was being himself. His curled up lips and squinted eyes, and a dimple popping out even when sleeping proved to be his true self.

“Are you just going to stare at me or?”

The fabric slipped from your fingers and shielded you from him and his chuckle. Of course he was awake. Everyone who was a part of Hongjoong’s patrol and resource squads was basically walking on eggshells. Slipping in his room, you were greeted with an overly joyous Yunho. A shit eating grin on his face and cheeks puffy and round from the smiling. His brown eyes carried a twinkle of mischief that had you frowning. Not bothering to entertain his poor taste in harmless jokes, you tossed the snacks over to him and plopped on the vacant seat opposite of his bed. A pair of comics were stacked in non-chronical order on the desk — some of which you recognized as Spiderman comics — along with scattered polaroids of him and people from camp, a bag of dog treats and his gun. 

“What’s this?” He asked and immediately sat up. The bag was intensely inspected as if he couldn’t believe his eyes. The gasp that left his mouth upon realization told you he knew exactly what it was you tossed him.

You weren’t prepared for his gaze to find yours. A look of gratitude painted his face and a wave of warmth welled over your body and sent your heart into palpitations. The attention was suddenly too much to bear and you averted your focus on the boring cement walls that were much easier to look at. You grabbed the comic at the top of the stack and aimlessly flipped through it, the colorful pages doing little to calm your heated thoughts.

“They are Nari’s favorite,” you began and stopped on a random page. “I found two and she told me to give you the other one.”

“They are my favorite too,” he whispered as if admitting a sin in a confessional.

There was no reason for you to lie, but the emotion in his eyes sent you into panic and it was like he could see right through you. It was embarrassing to admit, but you didn’t want him to think… You didn’t want him to know what you thought about him. Heck, you were still trying to accept the fact Yunho was slowly infiltrating your mind let alone giving him his favorite things like a poor attempt at a courting offer which it wasn’t!

For such a long time, you were only thinking about yourself and Nari. You never thought to fit a third person– scratch that. You never thought there’d be a third person to fit in your already busy mind. Getting attached to people was dangerous, it made you vulnerable and an easy target. The quickest route to your heart would be through Nari and you didn’t need to involve romance in that mess. Love was the greatest weakness of humans after all. Despite that, you couldn’t help but disguise your worry through acts and harsh words. Giving him painkillers in the dead of night, purposely moving peas from his plate to yours as you heard him complain about them once (without anyone seeing you, of course), or keeping an eye out for those comic books he’s into. Instead of asking how his recovery was going, you’d say, “You can’t be in that much pain if you’re laughing.”

Yunho opened the bag and wasted no time stuffing his cheeks with potato chips. The need to chastise him for eating too fast rolled on your tongue. Feeling like it’d be crossing the line of friendship and acquaintances, you hastily stood up and feigned stretching your back. Yunho peered up at you with his round eyes, pouty lips and puffed-up cheeks, and you nearly stumbled over your own feet. It was… so different having to look up at him and having him stare at you from below. He looked so pliant and what would be your drunken mistake after too many drinks on a night out with your friends. 

“I’m out,” you announced before you could do something you’d regret and ran to the safety of your cell. 

One thing you’d rather do than admit that Yunho made the apocalypse bearable was to take a screwdriver through your eye. Since meeting him, the world splattered in black and white for three-and-something-years was slowly getting back its colors. Perhaps it was his abnormal humor keeping you up way past the curfew set by Hongjoong or his weird faces having you burst out in laughter at the most inappropriate moments. It could also be his natural leadership, taking control over situations and coming up with plans when you were too tired to function. It made you feel taken care of, like you could slow down and breathe once in a while without worrying about what the next move should be. 

It was nice. It was good. It also meant your plan of shielding your heart from intruders failed miserably as Yunho slowly, but progressively, wiggled his way through the five hundred locks surrounding your beating organ. The thought hit you on a random night as the leaves changed into an array of more depressing colors and daylight didn’t last longer than until the afternoon for the second time since passing the gates of Sector One. You were used to a vicious cycle of waking up, operating on survival mode and going back to bed with no anticipation for tomorrow. Yunho, with his small talk and respectfully prying questions, changed that and you found him in your thoughts before sleep, during dinner, when washing up and whenever your mind wasn’t occupied with tactics of survival. You wouldn’t say you yearned for his presence, but you looked forward to seeing him, to hear him talk about the newest car parts he found on his latest run or to play another round of twenty questions (which you answered as nonchalantly as possible and asked the most boring questions known to mankind).

For a little less than two years, you worked on gradually welcoming more people into your life. You didn’t feel the need to hide yourself behind brick walls for protection anymore. You’d always be wary of newcomers — that was understandable — but you were done thinking Hongjoong and his crew had ulterior motives resulting in your demise. You could actually fall asleep around them without a knife tucked beneath your pillow and stopped offering to keep watch during supply runs — the fear of being killed in your sleep was built on the lack of trust — as the moon and sun exchanged places. There was still a long way to go until you could call Sector One a home, but at least it was safe and it was mainly thanks to Yunho.

As you loaded the last bags in the backseat of Yunho’s Jeep, he refilled washer fluid in the designated reservoir while shielded by the bonnet. 

“Auntie, wait! Don’t leave yet!”

Nari came running down the path, doing nothing to keep her volume down with Heart hot on her heels and his joyful barks mixing in the autumn breeze. Closing the doors, you leaned against them and patiently did as requested. She caught up to you and rested her hands on her knees, air heaved in and out of her chest as she tried catching her breath. She raised a hand, asking for a moment to not sound like she climbed multiple stairs.

“Okay,” she started and straightened. “I have something for you guys. Yunho! Come over here and close your eyes! You too, auntie.”

“Coming,” Yunho muttered and screwed the cap back on and closed the front surface of the Jeep. He did the thing you couldn’t call jogging or walking which did nothing to pick up his pace and came to stand beside you while simultaneously wiping grime off his fingers. He shot you a glance as if to ask what was happening, but you shrugged, knowing as much as he did. 

“Close them! And palms up.” She placed something tiny and light in your hands. “And open!”

A smile graced your face. In the palm of your hand was a bracelet. It wasn’t flashy or made out of silver or gold, on the contrary, it was created using two things; a piece of colored garn and the tab of a soda can. Your string was a vibrant red while Yunho got a pastel green. The ends of the garn were tied to each side of the tab thus creating a loop that would go around your wrist. It was simple and probably didn’t take longer than five minutes to create, but it was a gift nonetheless.

“It’s beautiful, flower.” You immediately put it on and showed her. 

Nari clapped her hands enthusiastically and squealed. “It looks so good and now you have a piece of me with you wherever you go!”

“That was sweet of you, Nari,” Yunho said, admiring the poor trinket on his wrist. “I’ve always wanted a good luck charm and now I got it so, thanks a lot, kiddo.”

The grin she sported grew bigger at the praise and Yunho couldn’t refrain from ruffling her hair. His attention was suddenly on you.

“You ready?”

“As ready as one can be.”

“Please be careful.” Nari engulfed you in a hug, and you immediately reciprocated.

“When am I not?”

“Don’t worry about her, Nari. She’ll be under my protection.” Yunho’s chest puffed up and he placed a hand over his heart. His lips did that upside down triangle shape making his cheeks look extra squishy while his eyes tingled in the sunlight.

“She better! It’s my family we’re talking about.”

“Okay, Rambo, calm down before you blow a vessel… And who is taking care of who? Last time I checked, I was the one protecting the both of us,” you trailed off and rolled your eyes.

“Are you two leaving soon or are you going to chit-chat the day away?!” The high-pitched voice of the one and only, Jung Wooyoung, came from the tower closest to the gate. 

“That would be our cue to get rolling. We’ll see you in a few days, kiddo.” Yunho ruffled her hair again, just because, and hoped in the driver’s seat.

Searching for food and other necessities had become a part of your life long before you joined Sector One, the only difference was leaving Nari behind while you stepped out into the danger zone, not knowing if you’d get to see each other again. You wanted to say it was easier leaving with time, that every departure wasn’t as heavyhearted as the previous, but you’d be lying to yourself. 

“Listen to Seonghwa and Yeosang while I’m away. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do and if anything happens to the place, and I mean anything, you take your things and you run. I’ll find you wherever you go, okay?”

Nari didn’t reply. Instead, she wrapped her arms around you and hid her face in the crook of your neck. Thinking back to it, three years ago she could barely reach up to your neck, let alone tuck her head into it.

“I’ll miss you.” 

You sighed and pressed a chaste kiss to the side of her head. “I’ll miss you more. I’m going to try and see if I can bring you more of those pictures that fit your camera.”

Yunho gifted her a Polaroid camera for her eleventh birthday. It was a present that started her obsession with photography, the downside being the films were hard to find and were almost rarer than medical kits and unexpired condoms. This year he promised her driving lessons, however, they would have to wait until he was back from the mission. 

“Thank you.”

Two quick beeps was your signal to go.

“Seonghwa and Yeosang will help you with anything you need. We’ll be back in a few days, behave till then.”

“I always do,” she retorted, brows coming together and nose scrunching cutely.

You smiled slyly. “I know… Oh, and Nari?” She hummed and looked up at you through her lashes. “Tell that Eunwoo kid I have eyes everywhere even when I’m out of camp.”

Blush attacked her cheeks and she pushed you away with a noise of embarrassment. The words ‘we’re just friends’ tumbled out of her mouth faster than lightning.

The engine was warm and rumbling when you got inside. A water bottle rested in the cupholder closest to you along with a granola bar. Having spent a lot of time with Yunho, you grew accustomed to his silent checkups. It was his way of giving you comfort without putting it into words or asking aggravating questions that would have you exploding in his face.

“Ready?”

Singing, you clicked the seatbelt in place and nodded. “Let’s get this over with.”

The idea of raiding a mall in central Seoul was suggested by one of the civilians in charge of the prison’s crops. With the years, the member count in Sector One gradually grew. You went from thirty people to fifty in a month and it nearly doubled until the next summer. The number was now close to one hundred and ten. Paracetamol and other medical supplies were starting to run short and it wasn’t such a problem until the stores nearby had all been cleared, one after another the shelves were emptied. It was then that the first meeting took place, followed by multiple others to make up the perfect plan on how, who and when.

What was supposed to be a mission of twenty people was cut down to two. Initially, you told Hongjoong to count you out. You weren’t comfortable with doing runs bigger than a local grocery store or gas station, besides, Hongjoong was bound to give you a pass. It was the least he could do, especially as you searched for resources almost weekly, even going out of your way to take up others' scheduled runs. When the time came to decide who the two (un)lucky participants would be, Yunho took the initiative and your choice to sit on the sidelines was forgotten as you raised your hand up and volunteered. It benefited everyone because, honestly speaking, no one really wanted to put their own life on the line. 

The first step of the plan was to find a secure and easy access to the car if in need of a quick getaway. The amount of vehicles aimlessly left by the entrance of the mall clogged up the path. It was best to park the Jeep further away and Yunho contemplated whether to leave it on the road connecting the parking lot to the highway and as you weighed your options, it turned out that would be for the best. The handbrake was pulled up and in a previous life, he’d return to his car already towed away with a ticket waiting for him in his mailbox.

“You nervous?” Yunho asked as he strapped the high-quality vest provided by the prison to his body.

You huffed in reply and did the same. It wasn’t affordable to feel anything beside confidence and even too much of that could get you killed. The best emotion to describe you would be exhaustion. Tired of doing your utmost to survive day by day. 

The thick texture of the vest was uncomfortable and quite tight all over, however, you’d rather wear it than take the chances of being bit. “I don’t even know what I’m feeling anymore. I just… want to get the things we came for and go back.”

Yunho checked his gun, although everything was thoroughly looked at back in the base. A small walkie-talkie was attached to his right peck while yours was hanging on the waistband of your pants. It was a precaution if you were to lose each other in the mall or needed to contact Hongjoong back at the prison. Your hair was tied back with the purpose of not falling in your face during hectic situations, but also so it wouldn’t be easy to grab. You had heard too many stories of women dying because perpetrators used their hair against them, latching onto it when they least expected it, not to mention many of the high school fights you witnessed where girls weaved their fingers into each other’s roots, pulling until chunks of hair fell out.

“To be honest, I think I’d get more bored of guarding the post all day. I can’t fathom how Wooyoung does it. Like don’t the trees eventually bleed into each other?”

“Probably. Then again, it’s Wooyoung we’re talking about. He has a freakishly good eye when it comes to intruders so I wouldn’t be too worried, besides, Mingi and San are quick to follow up if he does miss anything. Although it’s highly unlikely.”

Yunho unrolled a map portraying the inside of the mall on the hood of the Wrangler as you brought two empty backpacks from the trunk. 

“Remember the first step?”

“Technically, we’re already on step two.”

You rolled your eyes and muttered, “Smartass.”

The remark had his dimple popping out as a cheeky smile stretched across his face. 

“So we enter through here.” He pointed at a makeup store. “It’s the only shop we can enter through the backdoor without gathering much attention and the pharmacy is on the same floor. We can look through the salon first and see if there’s useful stuff in there.”

“Like what? I doubt anyone wants cosmetics in a time like these.”

“No, but I’m pretty sure there’s like sunscreen, stuff for the hair and body, shaving things. You know, necessities.” Yunho folded the map back together and slipped it into the back pocket of his pants. “What? Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Nothing, I just…” You averted your gaze, but the amused smile was still here. “Didn’t know you were into cosmetics.” 

The pink hue of roses didn’t attack his ears, but his contagious chuckle reached yours and a smug smirk crossed his face. “Yeah? I thought it was a given, like, I’m a sucker for blush if you haven't noticed.”

“Oh, shut up.” You shoved him and he flew sideways as if weighing nothing. Trust Yunho into over exaggerating and making the situation look worse than it was. You didn’t wait for him to catch up — not that it would take him long — and immediately headed for the backdoor entrance. 

“This should be easy.” Yunho tied a black bandana around his mouth and nose to keep dust and bacteria from entering his system while you pulled up the neck tube gifted by Mingi a while back. 

The two of you shared a look and as Yunho nodded, gun in hand and flashlight in the other, you worked the door open and let the darkness of the mall swallow you whole. The storage room was like any other. Full of boxes and crates, and even a few shopping carts containing various make-up products. The layers of thick clothes did little to hold your warmth against the freezing temperature of the storage. Words were exchanged through your eyes, neither taking the risk of alerting potential resting biters or raiders, and Yunho’s light flickered to life. 

You sneaked around the space and took time clearing the area of threats. Confirm there wasn’t an unwanted presence with an urge to pierce your skin and feed on your insides, you could breathe a tad bit heavier and relax your rigid posture. Sweat coated your body and your pulse was loud in your ears. However many looting rounds you’d do, you’d never adjust to the adrenaline and fear that came with as a plus two. 

A faint whistle traveled through the air and your head whizzed up to see Yunho standing by a door, presumably leading to the actual store. He called you over with a nudge of his head and you tightened the grip around your gun and knife. He put off his torch and raised a finger to his covered lips, and you nodded. Taking a step back and planting your feet wider apart to get a sturdier stance, you raised your gun and used your other arm to support it underneath. It wouldn’t be ideal to fire off bullets inside, but if it came down to it, you’d be left with no choice.

Yunho hugged the handle and held up three fingers — his hand big enough to hold the gun with just his thumb and pinky — and began counting down. With his fingers gone, he gently opened the door and you stuck your head out, coming face first with the register. A big table shielded your view of the complete store and you immediately dropped to a crouch and waddled out, Yunho following close behind. It was much brighter out there than in the storage room courtesy of the light coming from the corridor of the mall, most likely from the windows on the ceiling. As you moved to round the corner of the cashier register, Yunho roughly grabbed your shoulder and nearly sent you stumbling backwards. Throwing him a questioning glance, he pointed to his ear. 

Moans and grunts in various tones vibrated through the building. Some were faint, barely there, and others were alarmingly loud. The weight of Yunho’s hand was still there and a soft squeeze of said man was enough to bring you back. He gave you all of three seconds to get your head out of your ass and follow his lead. 

Yunho weaved between the aisles — still crouched down — and as you peeked around him, you quickly realized the make-up store was untouched. All the products were in their designated place and it was abnormally tidy inside. No blood coating the white tiled floor or decomposing corpses laying around. The only thing you could think of was that the workers quickly rolled down the sliding grilles before any of the infected could enter and made their escape through the back. The longer you stared at the shutters, the clearer it became how tilted it was. One side wasn’t completely flat with the ground, you presumed it had something to do with one of the cogs being stuck. If it came down to it, the barrier would only hold so long against a horde of biters.

“How are we getting through that?” You whispered and wiped your clammy palms off your pants.

Yunho plopped down on his rear and moved into a comfortable position; his legs were propped up, creating a triangle passageway, and his elbows came to rest on his knees. You were in a similar stance, but with one of your legs flat against the ground and hands on your stomach. The sides of your thighs touched, but neither were distraught by the display of (accidental) skinship. Stealing a glance, you nearly jumped out of your skin as he hastily turned toward you.

“Okay, I got an idea…”

You swallowed thickly and nodded.

“So… I think I could raise the bar high enough for us to squeeze out. You’d go first and keep it up until I pass. The thing is, we need to have an emergency exit if everything goes to shit and I don’t wanna take the risk of us having to pry it open again and getting caught.”

“Yeah, no, that sounds like a nightmare waiting to happen honestly… I’m thinking we can find something sturdy that will hold it for us and we can just slide through if we’re being chased.”

“Let’s hurry.”

You got up and quickly scanned the store for something useful, but all you could see were make-up products, perfume, brushes and other miniature things that weren't good for your issue. You needed something easy to move that wouldn’t make too much noise and cave in under pressure. Looking around, you lingered on the door you came from and everything lit up as if a lightbulb appeared over your head. A whistling tune cut through the store and Yunho’s head popped up from behind a rack, one of his brows raised and you waved him over. 

“A shopping cart,” you murmured, a high tilt to your voice. “There are plenty in the storage room, they are easy to handle and won’t falter.”

The smile he showed you could easily be mistaken for his natural cheery persona and you convinced yourself it was just that. Yunho smiled at everyone, especially with those glistening eyes of his as if a brush coated in glitter went over them. You were the first to spring into action and it had nothing to do with the clump of nerves gathering in your abdomen from his soft gaze. It wasn’t the time nor place for confusing feelings, you thought as you grabbed the cart and pushed it out. Coming the closest you’d been to the grilles, you hid behind the trolley and looked through the small holes to assess the situation. Chaos was the first term to appear in your mind. 

Broken glass shards littered the previously white tiled floor. It was currently covered in muddy water leaking from the roof, dried blood and weeds sprouting from between the cracks. Rotten meat and rusty metal lingered in the air and it was disgusting, you had never smelled anything like that before. These biters had been there for quite some time, judging by the lack of skin on their decaying bodies and bony figures. They hadn’t feasted in a while and that scared you. Shaking your head clear of such thoughts, you looked in the direction of the apothecary and deflated. A big island of trees, plants and bushes was the first thing you saw. The decorations stood tall and wild, spilling over the fence so you couldn’t see the pharmacy that was supposedly on the other side. The run from point A to B suddenly got overcomplicated.

How would you know if the apothecary was open? And if it was, how many infected were there inside? What if everything was already taken? Then the whole mission was a fail. A waste of time, a waste of gas, a waste of–

“Everything okay?”

You could feel the heat emanating from his body and the aroma of his detergent and pine needle-like scent as he got near. In fact, you could feel him too, where his chest pressed up against your back and his left hand weaved into the grid of the cart, wrist centimeters from touching the top of your head. His close presence was dizzying and attacked your senses at the worst possible time, but at least it overpowered the stench of death. Compelling yourself to get over his spell, you explained the situation and Yunho, ever the optimistic, pointed out the positives.

“At least it isn’t teeming with biters as we thought. Look.” He gestured to the biters. “They are just standing there like statues so we can easily sneak past, plus, we have a few hours until the sun sets, meaning?”

“They are slow as fuck.”

“Bingo. We should be fine as long as we don’t set off a chain reaction and wake the whole building. Otherwise, we’re pretty fucked.”

“It’s risky,” you stated the obvious.

“Everything is nowadays, but don’t worry your pretty little head about that because I’ve got a plan.”

He thought your head was pretty–

“We can use that forest thingy as cover. The bushes and leaves are big enough to cover us completely. I say we use that to check the situation and see where we go from there.”

“I’ve got a better idea.”

“Which is?”

“I can use the bushes to check the situation and then call you over depending on the situation. Both of us shouldn’t throw ourselves out there. It’s dumb, what if it’s locked? It’d be a waste of energy.”

“Okay, I’ll do it.

“No, I just said I’d do it. Yunho, think about it. I’m quicker, harder to notice and there’s more things I can hide behind. You’re freakishly tall, where would you hide?”

He pondered for a moment and agreed in the end, but not before voicing his distaste for the idea. “I don’t like it when you’re right.”

“I don’t really care, just get the shutters would you?”

You positioned yourself behind the cart and watched as he rolled up the security shutters just enough for you to slip the metal hunk on wheels underneath. Still crouched down, you waited to see if the biters were drawn to the light clinking noises, but — much to your pleasure — it didn’t attract any. Before you could cross over to the danger zone, Yunho grabbed your bicep. 

“Be careful,” he whispered tenderly, like talking to a distressed dog. His hand remained until you nodded, but even when he drew back, the warmth spread out through your chest to the very tips of your toes and lingered to what felt like an eternity. 

It was pleasant. Safe. Yunho’s arms were safe, you concluded and wished to feel more of. Both his touch and the protection he provided.

“You too.”

You didn’t wait, wholeheartedly believing you’d stay back if you looked at his doleful expression for a second longer, and slid out. The biters were oblivious to your presence, but you weren’t about to abuse that privilege until it had run its final course. Like the existence of a ghost, you floated through the mall on your tippy toes, knife trembling in your tight hold and eyes frantically searching for trouble waiting to pounce out of nowhere. Considering you were always reaching for the short end of the stick or possessed more bad than good luck, it was no surprise you were constantly thinking five steps ahead. There was no need for that now though because you made it to the decorations without getting your knife bloodied. The greenery was bigger than what could be seen from the make-up store, a result of constant sunlight, water dripping out of a broken pipe and no one there to keep it tidy. You just hoped you were alone in the idea of hiding there. 

The pharmacy was open to the public. You didn’t know whether to deem it a win or a loss. Easier access was always good, but that included everyone and a bigger chance of the place already being looted. Not much more thinking and strategizing had to be done though, and you immediately signaled Yunho over. The inside wasn’t completely trashed either. It wasn’t as neat as the make-up store, but from what you could see, there were still things that could be of use or it was your wishful thinking kicking in.

“This is good… right?” It was so quiet that you nearly missed it.

“It’s less of a hassle getting in, so I’d say so. Our best bet would be that one keeps watch while the other gathers as much shit as possible, unless we want an early date with death.”

“There’s a pet store behind us too, maybe we can pick something for Heart on our way back.”

“We’ll s–”

A growl was quick to shut you up. The sound sent unsettling vibrations down your spine and you snapped your lips together as a biter staggered right past you. Its sudden appearance reminded you to get your asses moving. Neither breathed until its figure was far, far away from you. 

“Fuck…” Yunho exhaled. “Okay, you keep watch and I’ll look around, you know, see if there’s stuff on the higher shelves or something.”

He handed you one of the baseball-sized rocks strewn across the dirt on the island — the kind you’d find at the beach — and snagged one for himself too. In a previous life they were used to make things prettier for the eye, but now it was something you bashed rotten heads in with or threw across the room to distract the biters.

Of everything you've done so far, getting into the cursed pharmacy was by far the easiest and least nerve-wracking. 

“Go, be quick!” You hissed and crouched behind a table closest to the entrance while Yunho zoomed past you, hastily unzipping his bag and filling it with things. You had half a mind to chastise him for the rattle of bottles and rustling sounds, but withheld. Your voice would reach farther than objects clashing in his backpack. 

Your hyper-focus was glued to the front. You were nothing better than a dog waiting to attack, body stiff and on high alert. Adrenaline coursed your veins and it was hard keeping still, head jerking in every direction and your hand frozen around the hilt of your knife it sent tremors up your arm. Teetering on the edge of control, you struggled not to slash at the slightest of movements and sound. Yunho’s request for your empty bag breached your concentration and the breath you inhaled was like waking up in the middle of the night and clenching your thirst with the glass of water you set on the bedside table hours prior. It didn’t take long before the other backpack was filled too and the curse of being stupid not to bring a third fell from his lips. 

“You got everything?”

“Not even close. Come over here.” 

And like the good guard dog you were, you heeded his command, leaving the post unattended despite the turmoil in your abdomen. 

“Put as much stuff as you can in your pockets. I won’t sleep at night if we leave all this behind.”

The amount of money worth of drugs you had in your pants right now was beyond your comprehension, but you knew the bidding between a local druggie and vitamin obsessed grandmother would be hectic. Glancing in Yunho’s direction, you did a double take at the blue tinfoil packages in his hands and grew hot from embarrassment. Your look was all it took for Yunho to defend himself.

“What? I doubt people want to reciprocate at this time.”

He wasn’t wrong, but it didn’t make you feel any better or stop the sensual image of Yunho. His naked body tangled in sheets looming over you and the very same condom you just saw in his hands, now stuck between his lips. Then you shook your head, as if to make the thought disappear before it could delve into an even more lustful scenario. The naked Yunho was gone, but the heat burned your cheeks worse than the sun on a summer day.

“Let’s get the fuck out of here.” 

If he noticed your flustered state, he didn’t mention it. With bags on your backs and weapons at the ready, you found yourselves in the bushes again.

“Don’t you think it’s weird?”

“What?”

Yunho scratched the spot behind his ear. “That everything is going… smoothly? Like it’s too easy?”

“What?” Your brows drew together. “Do you want it to be difficult?”

“Obviously not. I’m just… pointing out the obvious. It’s never been this easy.”

He had a way with words because not even a fraction of a second after, he jumped out of the bushes and evoked a high-pitched, squeaky noise that reached every nook and cranny of the mall. He breathed out a soft “fuck”, the tone dripping with disbelief. Beneath him, squished and still peeping the more Yunho raised his foot, was a blue, rubber pig. Its mouth pulled in an open smile and snout scrunched.

Fucking petstore. Fucking pig. Fucking Yunho. 

You popped out of hiding, knife pulled out but violently trembling in your hold under the gaze of what felt like a thousand translucent eyes peering at your warm bodies. The one watching your life through a squared screen pressed pause on the remote and then when it was resumed, everything went to shit. The biters lunged for the first piece of meat they’d seen in months while you stood rooted to the ground, legs refusing to cooperate with your nervous system.

“Go, go, go! Fucking move!” 

You did, in fact, not fucking move. You watched him drive his blade into the head of a biter, blood dripping everywhere as the rotten body slumped down and you fell with it, ass bruised and brain too scrambled to understand what was happening. You were going to die. You were never going to see Nari again. You going to turn into a–

Yunho was there in seconds to haul you off the ground, his hand grabbing the back of your shirt, shouting at you to run. “Are you deaf?! Go!” 

It was the harsh push to your shoulder that finally got you moving. Slow and uncertain steps, but moving nonetheless thanks to Yunho barking orders behind you. One would think you had never stepped foot outside the prison walls, let alone gone on numerous resource runs. Everything between his push and you reaching the make-up store was a blur. The blood covering your knife and hands — along with the trail of corpses left behind you — being the only proof you had been involved in the massacre. 

“I told you to get inside!” 

You jumped as Yunho’s hand landed on your forearm, tugging you toward the store. Throwing a glance over your shoulder, you counted over a hundred rotting heads. The shutters would only hold a dozen until it broke and they tore you apart. 

Yunho watched the gears turn in your head and got a whiff of what you planned to do. “Don’t.”

The foreign depth in his voice did nothing to change your mind and he noticed it too, thus holding onto you until his fingers turned white and the veins of his hands protruded. You snapped out of the haze as another forceful tug bruised your arm. Determined to see your plan till the end, you used the element of surprise to your advantage and bore your teeth into his wrist, just enough for him to loosen his hold on you and give you the chance to step back. You ripped your bag off your shoulders and slung it at Yunho, who caught it with an ‘oomph’, successfully keeping him down on his rear for a few extra seconds. His raspy call of your name clawed at your heart. Something was eating you from the inside, but you ignored the wails of your soul and kicked the cart with all your might, allowing the shutters to fall with a bang. Your stubbornness wasn’t the sole thing to stand between the two of you anymore.

“What the fuck are you doing?!”

You paid little attention to the burning feeling in your chest and the flame dancing across his features. Leaving him there would hurt, but it would be hell to see him get ripped to shreds knowing he had a chance of surviving. Back at the prison, you only had one person to look out for while Yunho was a pillar for many. You couldn’t do that to them. To Hongjoong, Mingi, Wooyoung… Heck, you couldn’t do it to yourself. Angry Yunho was a fleeting image. It would pass, but the Yunho with cheesing eyes and heart-shaped lips pulled in a joyous smile was forever engraved in your memory. 

“It’s not going to hold,” you gestured to the stupid shutter. “Get home and make sure the stuff gets to Hongjoong.” 

“You’re crazy if you think I’m leaving without you!”

“Tell Nari I love her–”

His fist slammed against the metal cover and for a moment you thought it would crumble beneath his touch. “Don’t you dare finish that sentence. You’re going to tell her yourself because we’re going back together!”

There was so much on your mind. What to say, what message to leave the others; apologies and closure or a last round of advice? What would Nari think? There was no doubt in mind she’d be heartbroken. You were the last piece of family she had left and it would be downright evil of you to make her lose another parental figure.

“I’ll find you. Outside, I’ll find you. I’m not dyi… “ Your throat tightened at the empty promise. You didn’t know if you said that to reassure him or yourself. “Ten minutes. If I’m not outside in ten minutes, you’ll leave. Yunho, promise me you’ll leave.”

If only you knew what you were doing to his poor soul. Asking him of the impossible. He could promise you anything you wanted—anything in this cursed world—and he’d hand it to you on a silver platter. Anything, but that. Leaving you behind was like signing his own death sentence. He’d be nothing, but the shell of a man. An empty, hollow, useless shell with the bitter taste of resentment for both your selfless and selfish sacrifice. Yunho knew agreeing to keep the promise would give you peace of mind, yet if anything happened to you, he’d be haunted by the memories of you until his very last breath. 

Across from him, you waited as if time wasn’t about the most sacred thing you could have. A mix of concern and determination wedged in your beautiful features and Yunho knew he had to speak, although he didn’t want to because the words rolling off his dry tongue would be some kind of agreement to your request. 

“Yunho, please.”

The burning fire in his eyes dimmed as a wave of tears washed over them. They looked magical, even when obscured by grief and longing for the one still alive. His bottom lip formed into a pout to keep from trembling just as his hands balled into fists for that same reason. The sand continued seeping out of the imaginary hourglass, no matter how much Yunho tried scooping it back inside, the universal clock wouldn’t stop ticking. 

With great effort — his lips parted and the shaky breath released aimed straight at your heart as did the tears brimming his red eyes which were a reflection of your own — he nodded. “I promise… but don’t make me fulfill it.”

In another life, the vow would be exchanged in a happier setting, surrounded by friends and family. Vacant of gloomy clouds and death knocking at your door, and filled with belly laughter and tears of joy instead. A time where the promise of sacrifice was made out of love and not for survival.

“Yunho, I–”

The remaining seven letters died in your throat as cold and wrinkly fingers sank into your shoulder. Yunho watched you scramble from the touch, his heart pounding for your safety, and felt completely useless. He couldn’t breathe until your blade was driven into the side of the biter’s head and the creature landed with a thud, blood pooling at your feet. The growling worsened and you needed to get a move on if you ever planned on seeing another shift between the sun and moon. 

“Come back to me, do you understand?” 

Your eyes met for what could be the last time and you drank him in like he was a part of the seven wonders of the world. His messy charcoal strands falling over his equally dark brows, knitted together with a crease in the middle that you wanted to smooth out. Trailing down to his naturally puffy eyes reflecting a storm of emotions — thundering anger and heavy anguish — threatening to spill over with tears. Your throat tightened. You couldn’t bear seeing the pain you inflicted upon him and hastily followed the slope of his pretty nose, red as a ripe strawberry. A beautiful blush, probably stemming from his anger, kissed his round cheeks and spread to his ears. The need to reach out and touch him, caress him with reassurances that everything would be fine grew at the sight of his trembling lips.

The angel on your shoulder whispered for you to run. Another whisper — this time from the devil — tingled your ears with the statement to stay a little longer. You wanted to heed the little red fella, but what you wanted wasn’t what you needed, so with a final nod, you tore away from his painful gaze and willed yourself not to turn back around because if you did, you wouldn’t be able to leave. 

With fear and adrenaline pumping through your veins and the promise of returning alive, you slipped on the mask of a soldier — putting a pause to the war in your head — and faced the army of the dead. 

“Come get me, fucking assholes!”

Hungry groans and aggravated snarls echoed loudly around the mall, each vibration reaching your bones, but your loud whoops and hollers didn’t waver. Not even when one of the infected got dangerously close to you, its teeth making a loud chopping sound like a knife violently smashing against a cutting board. You grabbed a chunk of its hair, guiding the monster as close to your skin as possible without it getting to sink its teeth into your neck. You were done being the prey. It was time for a change of roles. The taunting click of your tongue colliding with the roof of your mouth launched into the open as you sinisterly smiled at the biter.

“Go to hell.” 

The sharp point of your knife pierced the underside of its jaw until the whole blade could be seen through its open mouth. Your hand, covered in red and wrapped around the hilt, was flat against the jaw and continued pushing upward. The anger, hurt and worry mixed into a new emotion that took over all of your senses. Revenge. With a new force of purpose, you pushed and pushed until the lower half of its face and jawbone ripped from the body like pieces of fabric. There was so much blood, tissue, and muscle beneath. . 

Bile crawled up your throat as the corpse stared at you with an open mouth, if you could even call it that considering the nose and jaw were somewhere on the floor. The sight wasn’t for the weak and you were anything but that, yet the amount of blood gushing down and coating both you and the biter would follow you into the grave. It was an exact replica of the oral cavity poster in your local dentist’s office; the tongue, uvula, and tonsils were all in their righteous place. You forced down what was once your breakfast and wiped the blood, or sweat, maybe both, off your face and let the body fall.

The next kills were faster and less gruesome. There were a bunch of them after all and if you did a little show of each and every one, you wouldn’t return home until late into the night. Throwing a quick glance at the cosmetics shop, you relaxed at the empty spot that was once occupied by Yunho. He listened. He kept his promise and now it was your turn. Running for a brief escape, you whipped out your gun — the magazine full and waiting to be used — as you climbed the escalator — taking two steps at a time — just enough to get some space between you and the human eaters. You had both hands on the firearm to keep it steady and fired in quick succession. The first shot was loud and foreign, and the hairs on your body stood up, but you kept hugging the trigger as if it were your one purpose in life. Your ears got used to the deafening crack of thunder after the third round. 

You counted five, ten, fifteen, twenty shots before you slipped the hot gun back in your holster. Always keep one bullet for emergencies, you used to tell Nari. Going out with a bullet piercing your brain was less painful than being shredded to death was what you liked to think. A bonus point if you do it correctly; you don’t come back as one of them.

The number was still high and if you were to count, you’d reach at least somewhere up to fifty biters. You didn’t even want to think of those unintentionally hiding or stuck in a store. It didn’t matter though, because you weren’t leaving until every infected was put to rest. For that to happen, you needed to stay alive and from the rapid speed the biters were going up the stairs (one would think they’d lost all sense of coordination when their brains turned into purée), it didn’t look so bright for you. 

“Fuck,” you whispered and continued up to the second floor. 

It was significantly darker and vacant, but you didn’t want to take your chances of getting cornered in a random shop. Although killing your way out of the mall was taking a toll on your body and sanity, that was something you already lost. The second floor was a completely different world than what was going on downstairs. The windows were intact, not a single speck of blood coated the walls and everything was in its place. It was like the disease stopped spreading after coming in touch with the escalators. A glass railing went around the whole second floor, giving you a perfect view of the chaos downstairs. The height difference wasn’t too big and a jump down wouldn’t cause you any harm, unless you fell unexpectedly. That would be a different story.

Pushing that to the back of your head, you passed a hardware store with a bunch of crowbars set on a display outside. Grinning to yourself like a child on Christmas Eve, you grabbed one of the many crowbars and gave it a swing. It’d be far easier welding a long piece of metal than your four-inch knife. Plus, it wouldn’t just be used to smash the heads in on biters, but to pull shit apart. Like doors.

“I think I’ll call you Maneater.” 

The rustle of clothes worked as an alert. Right on cue, an infected staggered out of the very same store you got Maneater from.

“And you’re going to be my guinea pig.”

The loud, sickening crunch of bones breaking was eerily loud as the curved end of the crowbar met with the side of the biter’s head. Now, the second floor was tainted with a splatter of brains, and blood and everything in between. It didn’t disturb you anymore. How could it when the majority of you was drenched in a rotten, red liquid?

Some of the biters that followed you from the first floor had finally caught up. Their spine shaking groans announced their arrival and you gave one more twirl to Maneater.

“I’ve always wanted to try out for the baseball team,” you admitted and swung it again. “But mom said sport wasn’t for girls.” 

Another biter fell limply. Its skull cracked open and one eye squeezed out of the socket at collision with the metal rod. You grunted and raised it high above your head. “This is as close to baseball as I’ll get.” 

Swinging it down, you screwed your eyes shut to keep the grime and blood from splashing into them. The feel of Maneater plunging into the meat of the biter didn’t vibrate up your arms, but the sharp inhale of air getting caught in your throat did as you were pushed off balance. Tripping over your own feet, you crashed into the delicate railing which broke at immediate contact. Shards descended like snow around you and shimmered like thousands of miniature diamonds. The crowbar slipped out of your hold as you tried grabbing the air for support, but in the end, all you could do was watch the ceiling of the mall shrink while your arms and legs flailed out of your control.

Time slowed down as the realization set in. You were going to die. You didn’t keep your end of the promise and Yunho would return alone.You wouldn’t be there to teach Nari how to use a gun.

As you were falling to your death, a bitter smile took over your lips. You really had no regrets. And it seemed that even with one foot in your grave, you couldn’t stop lying to yourself. There were no regrets when it came to Nari, that much was true. Everything you did was for her safety; the murders, the running, the fights, everything was for her. But what about you? 

Did you have any regrets for yourself? The answer was simple and short, only needing five letters to spell it out. Three vowels and two consonants to be exact. Yunho.

A sharp prick seared through your shoulder followed by the ground kissing your back. The pain was unlike any before and you immediately felt yourself losing consciousness. Everything hurt. The sudden headache was worse than any hangover you experienced in your college days and your shoulder burned with the slightest of movements. Lying there unable to move, you fought diligently to stay awake, eventually succumbing to the tired voice lulling you to sleep with the whisper to just close your eyes.

The fog surrounding you was thick and cold to the touch. Wetness seeped into your clothes and hair, and droplets echoed around you, but you couldn’t see a water source anywhere. Just a black void, much like space, that seemed to go on forever. 

“Hello?” Your voice traveled through the vast darkness and no reply came back.

You didn’t understand. Where were you? What was this place?

“Auntie… wake up.”

Your head jolted to where the sound came from and your body followed. It was distant, but you’d recognize that voice any time of the day.

“Nari?” You cupped your hands around your mouth. “Nari!?”

“Auntie!” Her childish giggles swirled around you, once coming from your left and then the right. You turned in every direction, but the little girl wasn’t with you.

“Where are you?!”

“You need to wake up.” 

“What?”

“Wake up, auntie. They are coming.”

Your brows scrunched together as you tried making sense of her words. “Who is?”

“The monsters. They are coming for you… You need to wake up. Wake up!” 

An invisible force with a presence so heavy ran through your body and threw you off your feet. A scream of sheer surprise and fright crawled out of your throat as you fell backwards, the faint presence of Nari standing before you — a dull expression painted on her features — as she did nothing to help you. It was unsettling. Landing in the water again with the darkness wrapping around you like a silk sheet, you woke up with a startle. You felt everything at once. The pain of the sharp object lodged in your shoulder blade and heat attacked your feet while your head was cool. Your throat was parched and hurt as you swallowed to soothe the itch, but it only made you taste dry blood.

Managing to turn your head sideways, you were greeted with a biter and the events from you didn’t know how long ago came surging back. It was the biter that caused all of this, lying face down beside you with parts of its body scattered all over the place. If the situation were different, you would’ve hung the fucker using its own intestines, but it wasn’t and all you could do was give it a glare and send your wish of it going to hell. Sluggishly slapping along your chest, you hoped to grasp the walkie-talkie that was supposed to be attached to you, but the little device wasn’t in its usual place and you cursed at your bad luck. Through your blurry vision, you could see shuffling further in the distance. The imaginary weight resting on your chest suddenly lifted and small gasps of air finally entered your lungs. 

Muffled moans, something akin to being underwater, were the string pulling you back to reality. The eerie warning of your subconsciousness played in your mind. Grinding your teeth together, you mustered up little of the strength you had left and rolled over on your stomach. Your hands lay flat against the tile, the broken glass cutting into your skin as you lay in a pool of your own blood. Something shifted in your shoulder blade, and a cry of pain and desperation erupted from deep within.

“Fuck!”

Death would’ve been a better outcome than this.

Opening your eyes — that closed without you noticing — and blinking back tears, a laugh of disbelief almost slipped out at the object before you. 

A blue piggy. 

The blue piggy was staring at you. Its happy expression irked you beyond belief. It was all its fault. The biter and this stupid pig were to blame for everything. Your upper lip curled in a snark as you squeezed the living shit out of the toy and pushed to sit back up on your knees. Heart was getting a gift and you hoped to see the toy shred into pieces.

Commanding your body to stand up was harder than expected and your legs nearly gave out. The searing burn of agony spread like a wildfire all the way down to the tip of your toes. There was no point in trying to feel around as it would only hurt more with every twist and turn of your torso. The exit sign in the far back of the pet store flickered violently, as if it were trying to get your attention, and even though you didn't believe in miracles, you reconsidered your values then and there. 

“It’s the only shop we can enter through the backdoor without gathering much attention and…”

Hours later and you still remembered his words. It wasn’t like you had much of a choice. The make-up store was a no-go and you didn’t have the energy to prance around and look for a safer exit. Who even knew how much time you had before your body would give out? The shuffling in the distance paired up with hungry grunts was getting louder, and with your condition, they’d reach you in no time. You had played it safe so far and received nothing but near-death experiences, what was one risk against ten precautions?

You bit into the material of your neck tube to stifle the cries made with each step. Staggering up to the emergency door, you leaned your forehead against the cool metal and jerked the handle, but it wouldn’t budge. 

“Of course.”

The one thing you saved for yourself had to be used on something else. Letting the almost empty gun rest in your hand, you stepped back and aimed the muzzle straight at the lock. You had to make this count. You inhaled, exhaled, and pulled the trigger. A loud blaring alarm sounded through the whole mall and you had no need nor obligation to linger around until every biter in a mile radius crowded the area. With the piggy in hand and your other gripping the side of your torso, you limped out of the cursed place.

The weather was dull and gray, but brighter than inside the shopping center and it took a while for you to adjust to the light. Heavy rain pelted from the sky yet, the reason behind your wet clothes wasn’t to be blamed on nature. Standing in the middle of the parking lot, a trail of bloodied footsteps followed you only to be washed away as if they never existed in the first place. Raindrops trickled down your red-smeared face, revealing streaks of your skin beneath. The freezing temperature sweeped over your body, cooling off your muscles and rewarding you with the possibility of a cold which didn’t sound too bad. Glancing up at the gloomy clouds, your hand came to shield your eyes from the rain slapping harshly at your cheeks. It was impossible to tell if the moisture on your cheeks came from tears or the rain.

Your ten minutes were up. Yunho was gone and the weather portrayed your inner turmoil. The emotions you suppressed while on survival mode hit you fast and hard. You were happy he stayed true to his words, but the little part deep in your heart, cried and trashed around, disappointed he didn’t wait for you. At least you were alive. Dirty and hurt, but alive. 

The storm would clean you up by the time you got home anyway, if you didn’t die from hypothermia that was. With a weight on your chest, a knife carrying the deaths of many and the will to see your family again, you headed home. 

You weren’t angry with Yunho. How could you when it was you who made him promise to leave? When it was you who threw yourself to the wolves, better yet, to the brain-eating corpses and — more or less — locked him in a shop with no way out besides the backdoor. If anything, he had every right to be angry with you. 

What if you died in front of his eyes? Or got seriously hurt? 

There was no coming back from that, you knew that much yourself. The memory of putting that poor boy out of his misery resurfaced every time your eyes shut. Every thump reminded you of striking his head with the butt of your knife. You still remembered driving that same blade deep through his stomach until your hand touched his shirt, a dog taking up the majority of his tee. It was the first time you felt actual blood. Not the three drops from a paper cut or a harmless sample, but the slimy and warm kind that came in buckets. It was everywhere too; your hands, your clothes, his bedding covered in happy dinosaurs and rainbows. Days passed until your hands returned to their natural hue, but the nightmares never ceased. It was quite funny. You had seen a lot of fucked up shit, but the least violent death was still looming over your head.

Bright yellow lights blinded you. Throwing up a hand to reduce the damage and get a better look at what was happening, you peered between your fingers and saw the shape of a car slowing down. You couldn't find it in you to run. Everything hurt everywhere and your muscles ached with as little as a breath. The emergency alarm hadn’t stopped and hoards of infected would turn up any minute. The rain — which you already thought was heavy — turned harsher and bounced off the pavements like small shining diamonds. The sound of the car door opening and slamming against the metal hunk followed by rushing footsteps frightened you into a defensive stance. 

You were tired of death. You were so tired of killing things, but the universe didn’t seem to care as she continued sending you threat after threat. The rope wrapped around your emotions slowly slipped out of your grip. Its rough texture grated along the skin of your palms and frustrated tears coated your waterline. The sob — a wail of utter fatigue — that slipped out was smothered by the rain and ear-piercing siren. You really tried holding on, but you could only suppress your hectic emotions for so long until your hands went limp and everything came crashing down. A tear streaked down your cheek, followed by another and another. 

The figure ran head first at you and as you waited for a hard impact to plummet you to the ground, a pair of warm arms wrapped around you instead. Clean clothes and wet trees filled your senses.

“I got you.”

“Yuhn–Yunho?” You sluggishly asked, making sure it wasn’t another trick of your mind.

“Yeah, Yunho’s got you, angel. I’m here.”

You buried your nose in his shoulder and inhaled his comforting scent. Shutting your eyes and curling your fingers in the fabric on his back, holding onto every piece of him for dear life. You released a shuddering breath. The shirt smelled like him and his body was very real beneath your fingertips. That alone proved your subconsciousness wasn’t deceiving you. This was Yunho. The real Yunho. Your Yunho.

“I’m going to pick you up now, alright darling?” 

His arms were gentle just like his soul and he handled you with absolute care. It made you feel warm despite the weather only Zeus himself could inflict upon the world, and you were oh-so-tired. Your empty stomach wasn’t a match against your full heart as it was all you needed to fall asleep. The last noise entering your consciousness was Yunho’s frantic voice.

“Hey, hey, hey! Stay with me. Come on, just stay with me!”

Yunho stood his ground as you went limp in his hold and his face paled at what he saw. A shard — not shorter than his palm — protruded out of your shoulder, somehow managing to diagonally cut into your skin and avoid the bulletproof vest. Just your luck. He wasted no time scooping you up bridal style, as if you weighed nothing more than a sack of potatoes, and thanked the heavens your head found his shoulder instead of lolling to the side in sync to his fast legs. His mechanic's heart hurt at leaving the engine running, but on second thought after feeling the warmth on his face, Yunho almost praised himself for his unintentional thinking. Despite that, he still stripped you off the first layer of clothing — cutting the shirt right in the middle — and decided to leave your tights on. The heat was as good as useless if you were completely wet. He maneuvered you to the side and covered you with the soft quilt he stored in the vehicle for emergencies like getting stuck in a storm or something.

The ride back home was done in silence minus the rapid patter of the rain and squelching of tires on asphalt. Much against his wishes, Yunho was plagued by the brief image of your bare torso, the black bra that left little to the imagination as well as his concern for your state. The glass was bloody and looked uncomfortably lodged in your shoulder blade. Shaking the beautiful and horrid image of you out of his head, he remembered why you passed out on him in the first place and the anger that disappeared at seeing you emerge from the mall resurfaced. A flurry of emotions swirled in his mind; concern, anger, sadness, relief… He couldn’t pinpoint if his heart beat erratically out of rage or desire. 

Glancing in the rearview mirror, Yunho sighed as your chest rose and fell in a steady rhythm. As long as you were breathing everything would be fine. Going under a surgical blade in the hands of Jeong Yunho would do you no good, unless your insides consisted of automotive parts. Spoiler; they didn’t. Pressing his foot flat on the pedal, he broke a handful of traffic rules holding as much significance as the first man on the moon in this time of day.

The next time you opened your eyes wasn’t in the backseat of the familiar Jeep Wrangler, but in the medical wing which was technically just a room not much bigger than Hongjoog’s office, but illusioned to be smaller because of the multiple lined-up beds. Turning your head to the right, you stared confusedly at the IV bag connected to your arm. A sudden coldness swept over you and you instinctively pressed your free hand to your stomach, expecting to meet with a blanket and not goosebump-covered skin. Distraught, you glanced down. Your shirt was missing — that alone should’ve had you on high alert — and in its place was a gauze going around your chest and over your right shoulder. A delicate feel kissed your fingertips as you gently ghosted it over the bandages. The tenderness quickly changed into harsh bites stemming from your back and erupting all over like fireworks.

The mall. The Apothecary. The hoard of biters. Yunho. The piggy. Leaving Yunho. Man-eater. Falling. The rain. Finding Yunho. Safety. Darkness.

It was too much information at once and your back pain was accompanied by a headache growing rapidly. It didn’t help that your mouth was unbelievably dry. The IV-bag seemed to be doing an awful job of keeping you hydrated. Feeling sluggish, but determined to get answers, you freed yourself of bedrest and ventured out in the hallway. Yeosang turned the corner and stopped abruptly. His stoic face fell into an expression of utter panic seeing you out of bed. A chart of some kind and a pencil clattered to the ground as he crossed the distance between you, gentle hands cupping your arm and elbow.

“When did you wake up?”

And when you couldn’t form a response because of your dry throat, he immediately steered you back into the room with strict orders to stay and not move until he was to return. What he failed to mention was the ten-something people he’d bring along, all equally happy to see you awake, but some more furious than others. To his credit, they were forced to wait outside as you got the chance to drink water and change into something more comfortable. The excuse of you needing rest could only hold them off for so long until Wooyoung barged through the doors, an accusing finger finding you like a moth being drawn to a flame. The threats spilling out of his mouth faster than the shots of a machine gun were excused as a waterfall of tears sprung down his cheeks. 

The words of malice came from a place of worry and love, and if you reciprocated that by masking your discomfort as he tightly hugged you —  nearly opening the wound Yeosang diligently stitched together — no one had to know besides you. The reunion didn’t last long, all thanks to Yeosang’s strict orders that you needed a quiet recovery and Hongjoong’s authoritative voice backing him up. Being left alone with your thoughts was worse than having a group of chatterboxes asking you the same five questions every ten seconds. Because out of everyone there, out of everyone who came to see you, the two faces you searched for weren’t there and you didn’t know how to take that.

You expected it from Yunho. The radio silence and cold shoulder served as a punishment for your careless and considerate acts of heroism. Nari surprised you. More so the lack of her. You’d be lying if you said it didn’t sting a little. In other words, it hurt a tenfold of the stabbing pain coming from your shoulder. You missed her. A lot. 

But like Yeosang said — hours after he came to drop off dinner and medicine — there was nothing you could do but wait her out, quite literally as you were trapped inside the makeshift hospital room. If it weren’t for his unmatched beauty and pleasantly calm demeanor, you would’ve sent him to hell a long time ago. Not only was he forcing pills down your throat and feeding you disgusting celery soup, now he was giving you unwanted advice concerning a child you raised since the stone age. Your agitation went up in smoke as the doors opened and a blur of black strands strode inside instead of Yeosang’s exasperating chestnut hair announcing dinner time in a sing-song voice.

Perhaps Nari missed you too and perhaps Yeosang was right, and perhaps you were imagining things as the girl stopped in front of your bed, both arms crossed over her chest and eyes cutting yours like she wanted you dead. Her sour frown left a bitter taste in your mouth. Soft taps filled the heavy silence and Heart — her true companion — sat down on his rear beside Nari. The blue piggy was caught between his teeth. It was good to know not all of your doing was in vain. 

“You’re angry.”

The annoyed scoff and roll of her eyes was the second surprise.

“No, I’m so clearly happy.”

You heard the false chirp in her voice and scrunched the sheet in your hand to keep from snapping at her sudden bratty attitude. It’s justified, you told yourself and let her have her moment.

“I am so happy that the only person I care about nearly died. I am so happy my best friend sacrificed herself without a thought of what it may do to the people around her. I am so happy I almost became an orphan for the second time in my life! I am so happy, happy, happy!”

“Nari–”

“No! Ju–uh– just listen to me! Be quiet and let me speak!” She left no room for negotiation and snapped your mouth shut. The same shame of being reprimanded by your parents settled into your every bone.

“Just so you know, I’m only speaking to you because Yunho forced me to or he’d take away my Heart privileges…” She heaved in a breath of suffocating air and her voice cracked just as the next words separated your heart into two. “I’m so angry with you.”

Staring at Nari was like looking in a mirror. Your lips trembled and cheeks were wet from the salty tears slipping down to your chin and dropping on the pristine covers. You imagined your eyes to be red and irritated from the crying and it was a miracle you could produce more tears.

“I told you to be careful, right before you left. I said, be careful and you said, when am I not? Never! You’re never careful. I ask you to do one thing and you do the exact opposite. How come I have to act like the adult and you the kid? You’re the grown up, not me! I’m not supposed to see you bloody and barely breathing.”  

“Nari, I’m sorry–”

“You don’t get to be sorry, okay?! A sorry won’t make things right again. What you did wasn’t fair. Not to me, not to you and definitely not to Yunho. Sacrificing yourself? For what? For who?”

“You,” you wanted to scream at her. Everything was about her. Everything you did was for her. For her chance of living longer, living better.

“Do you know how it felt to see you so, so, so… close to death? Don’t answer that, of course you don’t. I couldn’t breathe. I was in hysterics and it hurt. Everything fucking hurt. I thought I lost you. And I can’t get it out of my head; Yunho screaming and crying, carrying your lifeless body in his arms and that shit lodged in your back… It’s– You’re–”

“I’m alive. I’m breathing. I’m okay, we’re okay.”

“Except we’re not! You don’t get to do fucked up shit and just say, ‘Oh, we’re good’ when giving us a scare. Giving me a scare! Are you fucking dumb?”

“Hey, watch your mouth!”

“I will when you start acting like an adult. So do the adult thing and stop sacrificing yourself for others! I need you, okay? I don’t care about the others. I don’t even care about myself. I need you and only you.

“I– I don’t know what to say to make that go through your head. What? You want to hear about my parents? Do you think I remember my mom? My dad? You’re the closest thing to a family I have left. You are my mom and my dad. I can’t lose my family again. Please, don’t make me lose–”

Nari hid her face behind her hands and let the thundering sobs wreck through her body. Heart whined and nudged his snout against her thigh in consolation. It wasn’t enough. Nothing could be of comfort enough to erase the gut-wrenching image of your limp body or mend her inner wound. Not even when you got out of bed and guided her head into the crook of your neck did she feel better.

“I’m sorry, flower. So, so sorry.” You kissed the crown of her head. “You’re right. It wasn’t… I was in the wrong and I’ll do better. I’ll be better. Not just for you, but for me too, alright? You won’t ever have to worry about being the adult again… Can you forgive me?”

The little nod against your shoulder was delayed, but you didn’t care. You’d wait years if it meant her forgiveness.

The next time Yeosang came to check up on you — a tray of dinner in his hands — he silently backed out of the room as if never entering in the first place. On the hospital bed lay you and Nari, her nose hidden in the crook of your neck and a ticklish trail of air loomed across the exposed skin. Your chin nuzzled her forehead and your hands were light against her head. Nari’s arms were loosely stretched around your waist and would grow numb from the awkward position. Your legs wove into each other like a pretzel. The human-sized golden retriever was also there. His head a dead weight on your calf and the rest of his body pressed up against your back, tail tickling the exposed skin on your bicep. It was cramped and sweaty, but you wouldn’t change it, not even if the world went back to normal.

Disappointment. The bitter reaction of not getting what you expected and hoped for. If green was used to describe jealousy and yellow stood for happiness, then gray would be the color representing disappointment. 

The reason for your disappointment? A man with brown hair, warm eyes and a laugh contagious enough to heal a wounded soul. Yunho didn’t visit you for the remaining time you were under Yeosang’s care. He came through stories told by the others, always hovering over whoever was your latest visitor and asking questions regarding your recovery, but never doing more than that. Never actually stepped foot inside the room. The week after you were discharged wasn’t any better. Hongjoong put you under strict orders to not go out on runs until you could move your arm without as much as flinching from pain and everyone walked around you on eggshells. As if you were a delicate piece of glass just waiting to break at the slightest inconvenience. At the news of your freedom, Yunho vanished into thin air. It was quite amusing how he was both the yellow you desperately wanted to see and the gray standing (figuratively) in your way. 

The loud clanking against your cell diverted your attention from the cement ceiling to whoever felt the need to disturb your peace. 

“He still hasn’t talked to you?” Wooyoung asked and sat down beside your feet, which you kindly shuffled more to the left. 

“Talked? I haven’t seen him since I passed out in his arms. I don’t think talking is an option considering he’s a walking ghost.”

Wooyoung moved further up your bed. His back pressing up against the wall as his hands weaved together over his stomach. You laid your legs over his lap and breathed out a frustrated gust of air.

“I’d say give him time, but it has been, what? Two, three weeks since you got back. He’s just being petty at this point. Wasn’t it him who forced Nari to speak with you again?”

You nodded and Wooyoung huffed out a dry chuckle. “Very mature, Yunho… So what’s the plan?”

“There is no plan.”

“Oh, come on! You both can’t be self-deprecating, it’s only somewhat alright if one of you is being stupid, but both! Nuh-uh!” Wooyoung flopped beside you. His chin rested against the palms of his hands with his fingers squishing his cheeks and making them really pop.

“What do you want me to do, Woo? Yunho obviously doesn’t want anything to do with me. If you haven’t noticed, he’s avoiding me like the plague. The least I can do is stay out of his way if it means he’ll hang around everyone more. He was here before me, after all. His family before mine, no?”

“We both know that’s not true and if Yunho heard you speak like that, heck, if anyone heard you say shit like that they’d give you hell for it. You’re family as much as anyone else is, old as new members. So stop thinking like that… As for what you can do, how about you just, oh, I don’t know… Talk to him!” 

You averted your gaze as the words wrapped around you like a hug. The rational part of your brain knew Wooyoung was right. That you weren’t intruding on anything. It was your family, your friends and your space as much as Yunho, Wooyoung and everyone else’s. However, the stubborn part of your brain feasted on your self-deprecating thoughts. It was why you didn’t fight Wooyoung on these matters because somewhere down the line of getting to know everyone, you realized Wooyoung wasn’t just a package of teasing and mischievous remarks. When he wanted to, he could say the things one needed to hear the most.

“We’ve already ruled that one out. The talking won’t happen until he wants it to.”

“Well, he’s acting like a loser, a really sore one at that.”

And as much as you wanted to agree with Wooyoung, to call Yunho a few mean words of your own, you couldn’t find it in you to voice those thoughts because they didn’t exist in the first place. All you saw was Yunho who took on the qualities of a golden retriever. The Yunho who would go up and beyond to turn a frown into a smile. The Yunho who would adopt every dog he came across and name them something sweet like Cheesecake or Muffin.

“I don’t care. Everyone has a right to process things in their own way, even Yunho.”

“I wish he didn’t. It’s dumb. Yes, you kind of messed up by putting yourself in danger and whatnot, but it wasn’t like you did it for shits and giggles! If it wasn’t you, then it’d be him. Trust me, I know that guy better than myself.”

You kicked Wooyoung’s thigh and sent him a teasing smile. “Yeah, because you’re always in everyone’s business but your own.”

The dramatic gasp filling the room was followed by your laugh. 

“Do you want me to talk to him?” You knew Wooyoung only meant well, but his well wouldn’t bring anything good to the situation. Yunho wouldn’t give in and there’d be just one extra person involved in the war of cold shoulders and purposeful absences.

“Don’t bother. He’ll seek me out when he’s ready to hear what I have to say. I’ll just… lay low and give him space.”

“You do know you don’t have to sit here and hide all day, right? You can always come and hang out with me or San at the towers. Jongho could use some help in the weaponry, counting bullets and other boring shit if that’s more to your liking.”

“I know, Woo…”

As the silence took over, Wooyoung patted your calf and got up on his feet, simultaneously throwing a finger gun in your direction. “Well, duty calls. You know where to find me if you change your mind.”

“Hey,” you called out after a second of contemplation and he arched a brow in question. “Thank you… Umm, for being there… For being my friend, I mean.”

“Brother would be more fitting. We’re way past being friends, but I get what you mean and don’t mention it. We’re family, that’s what family does.”

Damn Wooyoung and his heartfelt words. The tears made an appearance as soon as he disappeared behind the corner and you wiped them away, not up to explaining why you were crying if someone were to pop out of nowhere. For so long, Nari was the only person you could call family. She was your home, your rock and your will to move forward. Your new family expanded to a little more than a handful of people ready to help you in their own peculiar ways. Your home still didn’t take on the form of a place or a building, but another person. Someone who couldn’t stand in the same room as you for the time being.

Turning over, you buried your nose — much like Wooyoung did with others’ businesses — in the pillow and threw the thin blanket over your head. Sleep was a great activity to make time pass faster, something you discovered while being chained to the hospital bed in Yeosang’s unit. For what you didn’t know, it didn’t seem like Yunho would search you out in the near future and it was alright. You had plenty of time to think over what to say. Until the options became too many and you couldn’t decide which was the best one. Apologize and admit your mistakes or reason for your actions and die before you ask for forgiveness. It was like Wooyoung said, Yunho would have done the same thing if you hadn’t beaten him to it. Then what? Would you treat him with the same coldness he showed you or would you stick to him like the gum on school desks? 

The question was constantly on your mind and you were at war with yourself. In this moment, you liked to believe you’d forgive him, but there was no saying you wouldn’t be absolutely furious with him either. It was better to sleep on it, you consoled yourself and you closed your eyes. 

Your dreams were scary and although that wasn’t anything new, it was unsettling. Instead of reliving the day you took an innocent life, you watched the mall mission like a movie. The only difference was you never made it back alive. Everything was the same up until the fall, because the moment you landed on your back, you startled back to consciousness. Drenched in cold sweat and a concerningly fast beating heart, you’d use the first few seconds awake to take in your surroundings. To remind yourself you were very much alive and in the safety of your room. It had been your routine for, give or take, two weeks. Sleeping was both a blessing and a curse. Escaping one reality for another — arguably one of the worst coping strategies you could choose from — wasn't something you’d ever get used to, and if it was your way of punishing yourself for hurting Yunho so much that he couldn’t stand breathing the same air as you, then so be it. Wooyoung called it self-deprecating, you saw it more as reaping what you sowed.

The moon was halfway up in the sky when you awoke from your rather restless sleep. Swirls of purple, yellow and orange mixed beautifully on the baby blue canvas wrapping around the earth. It was Wooyoung who, once again, came to check on you with the news that Mingi and Yunho were back from their weekly hunt and had actually managed to bring something back. A stew of deer meat cooked over the fire outside and the whole prison stood in line waiting for their share of the food. You soon joined them with a bowl of your own.

“Next!”

You shuffled over, your gaze unfocused and glued to the ground as you handed over the bowl. When they still hadn’t taken it out of your hands, you looked up with furrowed brows and a questioning tilt in your eyes only for it to be replaced with pure chock. Yunho looked as pretty as the day you last saw him. 

You were just staring at each other, both surprised by the sudden encounter that neither showed signs of sweeping the awkward tension under the rug and getting on with the day. The people around you grew irritated at the uphold, the hunger and standing in the cold weather getting to their heads, and you — wanting to get out of there as soon as possible — literally pushed the plastic bowl in his hands so that he was left with no choice but to pour the stew and watch you disappear somewhere far out of his reach. If Yunho wanted space then space was what he’d get, you thought as you spotted the familiar head of Yeosang sitting around a fire. Hauling your ass over there, you occupied the empty spot beside the self designated nurse. He was startled at your sudden appearance and took in your disheveled state.

“Why does it look like you’ve seen something you shouldn’t have?” Yeosang asked hesitantly and sipped on his water.

To put it bluntly, Yeosang was very observative and a great friend of Wooyoung. Whatever Wooyoung knew, Yeosang did too, including your and Yunho’s feud. Trying to stall for more time, you scooped up a mouthful of deer stew. What you didn’t take into account was that Yunho served it straight out of a boiling pot. It burned your tongue and all of your tastebuds. Acting on pain and panic to stop the fire in your mouth, you snatched the paper cup right beneath Yeosang’s nose and downed the whole thing. Yeosang, being an angel in disguise, gave you his second glass too.

“You want more?”

You shook your head and set down the stew, deciding it was better to let it cool off first.

“So… What happened?” He tried his luck again.

“What do you mean, ‘What happened’? I just burned my tongue off!”

“Not that, you idiot. I’m talking about you running here like your ass caught fire.”

The glare you scrutinized him with did nothing to change the topic, instead he challenged you with a quirk of his brow.

“I saw Yunho.” The words were barely audible. 

“What did you say?” 

You leaned over to land a punch on his shoulder, but missed with a narrow distance as he moved.

“Think of your stitches, think of your stitches!”

“Whatever…”

Yeosang sheepishly smiled. “I’m just messing with you. So you finally met the guy and… how was it?”

“Good, we were actually talking about the rising economy. How do you think it was?”

“Awkward, probably.”

“Bullseye. I ran away after.”

“I noticed.”

“You know, for being a nurse who’s supposed to have some therapy knowledge, you really do suck.”

“Thanks, I’ll jot that down for our future sessions.”

Your next punch wasn’t futile.

As the sun gradually descended and a darker quilt laid over the green earth, more people joined you around the fire. You saw Nari and Eunwoo share a blanket further away from the group, pointing toward the sky full of stars as their sweet giggles weaved through the talking voices of the adults. They did sit a little too close for your liking, but you let it be. She couldn’t experience the normal sneaking around with a boy phase and that would be the closest she’d get to it.

Some time between the laughter and conversations shared with Yeosang and the other people, Yunho was added to the mix. He sat right across from you between the broad shoulders belonging to Mingi and San. You didn’t utter a single word in his presence and moved in on yourself to appear smaller, an attempt at going unnoticed by him. He sipped on the whiskey bottle being passed around the circle while giving Seonghwa his full attention and you took the chance to stare at the side of his face. He was absolutely ethereal. The orange glow of the fire kissed his cheeks and his eyes were even warmer, more inviting. 

He looked happy.

Your eyes went wide as he suddenly turned to you. The smile fitting him perfectly dimmed and was replaced by a neutral expression. You pictured yourself reflecting that same blankness. He was the first to break contact and the corners of his mouth went up again as he re-entered the previous conversation. You let out an anxious breath, wondering if you really brought him that much misery. An arm laid over the bridge of your shoulders, the palm attached cupped your bicep and pulled you toward them. Glancing up, you were met with the side profile of Wooyoung. You must’ve been too caught up in your own thoughts to notice him slipping in beside you. The faint, barely-there squeeze was him letting you know he bore witness to the wordless exchange between you and Yunho. The top of your head touched his neck and he nuzzled his cheek against your hair, soft puffs of air going over your strands. And while you were usually opposed to skinship, you let Wooyoung spoil you with it, not having the mental energy to push him away as well as you found it to be quite comforting.

“You alright?”

“It’ll pass. Just like it always has.”

Although Wooyoung wasn’t really in tune with what you were referring to, he still nodded and gave you another supportive squeeze. Sadness, grief and anguish. All the emotions belonging to the color blue would resurface every now and then. The last memory of your parents, failing your math tests in high school, breaking up with your first serious boyfriend… Those were all sad occurrences in life that left a scar in your heart, but were somewhat mended with the essence of time. Some took longer than others and some never really healed, but either way, they passed. The brief moments of blue passed. Thus, you were certain this thing with Yunho would pass too. The question of whether you’d remain friends or go back to strangers wasn’t something you wanted to entertain with the heat of the flames caressing your cold skin so you left it for the future you to mull over. 

The warm meal and nice company completely drained everyone as they just sat and enjoyed the stillness of the night.

Hongjoong, always having everyone’s best in mind, clapped his hands together. “We should call it a night.” 

Albeit everyone would rather stay out more and bask in the comforting atmosphere, Hongjoong’s words were law and no one wanted to disobey the law, not even in a raging apocalypse. You took it upon yourself to collect the quilts while someone else put out the fire or cleaned up the stray dishes. A bunch of knitted quilts were swung over your left arm and as you bent down to pick up another one, your knee buckled making you lose your footing and head into the blazing fire. 

Yunho scooped you up, his arm circling around your waist and flinging you off the ground to face away from the fire. Your back was pressed to his front and the rapid pounding of your hearts synced. Yunho’s hot breath curling over your ears and the sudden close proximity sent your body into overdrive. The autumn wind was useless against your burning skin. Your chest deflated in disappointment as he let you down, not a word of worry or comfort leaving his lips. Desperate and tired, you swung around and wrapped your fingers around his wrist, stopping him in his fleeting movement.

“Yunho, wait!”

Perhaps it was the honey dripping of your plea or the soft and delicate touch of your skin (that he missed so much, but would never admit) or it was simply him being curious as to what you had to stay. Whatever the reason, Yunho did as told and maybe, just maybe, he wouldn’t come to regret it for the second time around. But now, with his eyes on you and his pretty lips pressed in a determined line, you forgot what you wanted to say. 

Hearing Wooyoung’s half-hearted advice from that evening echo in your mind, you cleared your throat and–

“You know, if you wanted to talk you could’ve just done so. There’s no need to bring a third party into,” he gestured between you, “this.”

“What?”

“Wooyoung.”

You kept replaying his words in your mind, dissecting each term, putting them together and so forth until they lost their meaning and you were back to the start trying to figure out what he meant. 

“What?” 

“Nothing, forget I said anything.” 

Seeing him roll his eyes and hear his tongue click the roof of his mouth was your breaking point. Smoke huffed out of your nostrils as you grabbed the blankets from the ground, marched in front of him and stopped him right in his tracks with a hand on his chest. It was one thing to ignore you for weeks, but it was a whole other pain to hear him say demeaning shit to your face.

“You don’t get to do that,” you furiously spat. “You don’t get to disappear and then tell me I should have just talked to you. Yunho, I couldn’t find you even if I turned the whole prison inside out! An– and– and Wooyoung?! What the hell?!”

Your emotions were a tangled mess that not even the most talented hairdresser could unknot. Hurt, sadness, anger, disbelief, everything bled into each other until you couldn’t put a name to them anymore.

“Listen here. I don’t know what you think you saw, but it’s not like that and even if it was, why the fuck do you care?” 

Your question was met with silence, but a wave of fury swayed in his eyes and you wanted to laugh at the absurdity of the situation. You expected to hear a lot of things the day either of you confronted each other, but nothing could’ve prepared you for that wild and disrespectful assumption.

“I wanted to apologize for my selfish actions back in the mall, but I don’t think I’m sorry at all… Actually, I’m sorry I wasted my blood on you. I’m sorry I sacrificed myself for a guy who can’t bring himself to check up on me while bedridden or– or that the first thing he says to me is that I’m making ‘moves’ on his friend, on his brother! From the bottom of my heart, Yunho, go fuck yourself.”

You threw the blankets at him and walked off. Your job there was done. You heeded Wooyoung's advice only to have it all blow up in your face, although you weren’t going to fault him for the loose mouth of Jeong Yunho. The roles reversed as your wrist was trapped between Yunho’s slender fingers and the roots of the grass twined around your ankles keeping you in place. The grip tightened as a result of you fighting back, yanking and shaking as if touched by something poisonous. 

“Don’t… Don’t go,” he pleaded. “That was stupid of me. I didn’t mean it. I just…”

Lost my cool. Got jealous. Missed you.

“You just what?”

You spun around and a fuming swirl of wind slapped him in the face. The growl ripped out of you drilled shame and guilt into his bones, and although the angry load Yunho carried for weeks evened it out, he couldn’t feel his blood boiling without red tinting his ears.

“I’m talking to you now, am I not? Are you going to answer me or stand there doing nothing, because I really have no issue with going back to you forgetting about my existence. I know I sure won’t have a problem with it.”

“You think I forgot about your existence?” He asked in disbelief, a broken expression lacing his features. “It was the only thing I couldn’t do. I could blame you and think of you as selfish, stupid, reckless, immature, irrational, anything, but you were still there. You occupied my mind every hour of the day, every dream and every nightmare… And when I wasn’t busy…” Yunho paused, seemingly searching for the right word. “Blaming you, I was turning gray from worry. So no, I can’t go back to ‘forgetting about your existence’ because I never did nor could forget about you!”

“Then what was it? You were too busy worrying about me to take a quick peek in the hospital wing? You couldn’t put your hatred aside to ask Nari, Yeosang, Wooyoung or whoever the fuck about my well being? You think I’m going to believe you cared when you couldn’t even show it? That on our first encounter since a month ago you couldn’t even say something simple as ‘Hi’ without looking absolutely shell shocked at my presence. I haven’t forgotten about you my ass, your face told me everything I needed to know.”

“If I fucking forgot about you, would I be dying to do this?”

Yunho stepped forward, determined to show you just how wrong you were. The feel of his hands — large, warm and slightly callused — cupping your cheeks was unexpected. The yelp of surprise died in your throat as he forced your face up to his and slothed his lips against yours. They were as chapped as they usually looked, but soft and carrying a hint of chocolate and whiskey. Your own arms hung limp by your sides, eyes wide and heart thumping against your ribcage. There was nothing besides Yunho, no anger baiting you to clamp down on his lip or a spiral of sadness telling you to push him away. You were completely consumed by him. His scent, touch and taste. It was all just Yunho.

As you failed to respond, he slid his thumb over your cheek and drew back. Before he could get as much as a centimeter of air between your mouths, you latched onto his wrists and lifted your chin to properly meet his lips, and closed your eyes. It was the most beautiful and tender first kiss you had ever shared with anyone before. It was innocent and sweet, a bit rough as you pushed your heads as close to one another until you were on the brink of hurting. You poured your all into it and broke it off as the need for air somehow grew bigger than your need to feel him on you. Chests heaving and lungs burning from the oxygen shortage, you didn’t dare to look away, afraid either of you would disappear.

“I could never forget about you,” Yunho breathed out, his hands gliding down to adorn your neck like a 24-karat gold necklace. His thumbs found your pulse point while his pointer finger caressed your nape in a slow manner, treading lightly on the strand between teasing and adoring. 

Words failed you in the moment you needed them the most and to add fuel to the fire, your internal thoughts were a jumbled mess of nothing. You kept replaying the feeling of Yunho’s lips on yours, the heat that prickled your mouth after and how you wanted nothing more than to do it over and over again.

“Please say something.”

Realizing Yunho was as far gone as you was the push of confidence you needed to fulfill your wish. Using more force than intended, you tangled your fingers in the front of his shirt and pulled him into another kiss with mouths smashing and teeth clicking together. It was a stark contrast to the first one; needy, searing and desperate to reciprocate Yunho’s cryptic confession. You took Yunho's bottom lip between yours and worshiped him as if your life depended on it. His hands trailed gently all over you; waist, hips, even daring to give squeezes to your ass. You didn’t know how long you stood there, exploring each other like horny teenagers, but by the time you parted for air — hair messy, lips swollen and glossy, eyes intense with a burning desire — everyone had escaped inside. 

The fire was long extinguished, but you were still warm all over and a different kind of flame ignited inside of you, born in your core and pulsed harder each second you weren’t touched by Yunho. The scorching hot butterflies fluttered more violently as his thumb swatted over your bottom lip, spreading the spit — his or yours, it didn’t matter — more, but he stopped as the weight of the situation dawned on him. Jumping right into bed after the agonizingly long weeks of ignoring each other and brewing an irritation that could only be cured by talking didn’t sit right with him. 

A pregnant pause filled the space between your spit-swapping action and the beginning of Yunho’s next words. 

“I really need you to say something or I’ll go crazy. I don’t think you understand how much you mean to me, so please, say something. Anything.”

“I… You– uh…” 

It was so much easier to act than to speak. Why must he torture you? Wasn’t the kiss enough? Didn’t he feel your desperation seeping into his bone and very being? What more did you have to say for him to get it through his head that you were honestly, truly, completely in love with him? 

You grabbed his amusingly large hand and placed it on your chest, right over your beating heart. As if feeling Yunho’s touch, the thumps came stronger and quicker. The chance to explain yourself wouldn’t come at a better time than this.

“You mean everything to me, Yunho. That thing back there in the mall? I did it because…”

“Because what?” His whisper was delicate like a summer breeze filtering through your hair and swooshing the seam of your sundress.

“Because I didn’t want you to die. Fuck, I didn’t even care what would happen to me, I just needed you to be safe and– and–”

“What about me?” He interrupted. “Did you even think what it would be like for me if you wouldn’t have made it out of there alive? Watching you hobble out, bloodied and looking more dead than alive hurt like a blade through the heart. I thought I lost you…”

“You didn’t though. I came back. Barely, but I did come back… To be honest with you, I didn’t think I’d affect anyone with my passing. Nari is an exception, but that’s about it. You’ve known them for longer than I have and… I thought it would hurt less if I was the one to go and not you.”

Tears filled his eyes and grew red at the saltiness. Yunho pressed his palms against them and breathed irregularly. Through his soft sobbing, his words came out drenched with disbelief. “How could you say that?! How could you–”

“I’m sorry,” you whispered.

“You can’t say sorry. That’s so fucked, why would you even think like that? Fuck, I felt like dying just looking at your limp body in my arms and you were the one on the verge of death, not me. Yet I couldn’t breathe until I got you to Yeosang.”

Yunho’s cries were loud and it was getting harder to understand him. You think you understood what he meant by feeling the pain of a blade through the heart. You closed the gap and circled your arms around him. He fell into you, his tears soaked through your shirt and his fingers almost tore holes into the material from how hard he was holding on. You rubbed soothing patterns into his back and patiently waited for his crying to subdue with a few reassuring pecks left along his shoulder and collarbone. When the silence was filled with his light sniffles and shuddering breaths, you continued from where you last left off.

“Is that why you didn’t come to visit?”

Yunho nodded and cleared his throat, but his voice was still raspy and muffled from crying and being pressed against your skin. 

“I did come. I stayed the whole time you were unconscious, I was right there. That chair might have fucked my back forever, but I vowed not to move until you were stable…”

“I didn’t know,” you lamely admitted.

“I’d kill them. I said, if word got out that I was there, they’d wish a biter got to them before me.”

You cradled Yunho’s face and firmly pried him out from the comfort of your shoulder and directed his focus to your eyes. A watery smile curled your lips as the threat sounded so foreign coming from him. The Yunho who wouldn’t dream of hurting a fly, and who the children adorned and pets seeked out for comfort. Then a snippet of your first encounter flashed before your eyes and you remembered it to be the same Yunho who didn’t think twice when putting a bullet through the head of your perpetrator. Suddenly, the threat sounded more promising.

Yunho grew shy at the intense eye contact and enveloped your hands in his. He ran his thumbs over your knuckles in various patterns to divert the attention elsewhere, a coy trick to easier say what was on his mind without having your beautiful eyes dissecting him for his thoughts.

“I wasn’t angry then either. For those two weeks I felt nothing but fear for your life and it wasn’t until you came back that I let everything wash over me. That’s why I didn’t come after. Because I was so angry with you, but I need you to know I never, never, hated you… There’s another thing too, but it’s stupid.”

“Tell me,” you demanded. 

It took a while. He managed to circle a couple of figure eights on the brass skin of your hands before revealing the embarrassing secret that tugged at his heart every night prior to falling asleep. 

“You got hurt because you were trying to protect me so I thought, if I wasn’t there– if I wasn’t in your life anymore, you wouldn’t have the need to put yourself at risk for me ever again.”

“You’re so stupid, Yunho. That would never work. You could literally hate me, wish me dead–” You ignored the glare he sent you, “But it wouldn’t matter because I’d do it again, over and over again if it meant you’d be alright.” 

Yunho deeply sighed. Your words made him hot and he was trying hard to ignore the heat fluttering inside of him. “Don't say stuff like that, it makes me want to kiss you.”

Always putting others' needs before yours was the path you molded for yourself and reaching for what you wanted wasn’t something that came naturally. But as the stars cheered you on with their soft twinkles of encouragement, you did the unimaginable and connected your souls for the third time that evening. The hour long nights spent talking about one another with the moon as your only witness paid off as she lovingly gazed down on your beautiful rendezvous.

“I guess there’s going to be a lot of kissing then,” you breathed out and moved a few stray hairs out of his eyes. 

Since the outbreak started, you never once entertained the idea of finding a romantic connection. Your main focus was providing Nari with a safe future ensuring her a life where she could at least live past the age of thirty. Even if it meant sacrificing a few things. You didn’t realize how miserable you were until you crossed through the gates of Sector One. There was only so much you and Nari could do to quelch each other’s needs. Your start at the new camp was rocky. It was tough, yet you broke through everyone’s prejudice and showed them you weren’t just a suicidal bastard, but a woman with interests and feelings like everyone else. The apocalypse hadn’t erased the person you were before, it just took soft spoken words, gentle touches and a whole lot of understanding for you to come out of hiding. 

In the meantime, you’d patiently wait. Maybe the world wouldn’t ever return to what it once was and maybe it would only go further down hill from there, but standing in front of Yunho as his eyes darted all over your face — the challenge of trying to figure out what part of you he wanted to admire the most was impossible to solve — melted away those worries. As long as you were surrounded by people keeping the flame of survival alive, you’d be fine. 

© HONGJOONGSPOETRY 2024 - All rights reserved. Copying, editing, reposting or translating my work is not allowed.

[julesclues]

She Wasn’t You

Warnings: nothing that I can think of

Word count: 2.03k

Pairings: jj maybank x reader

Summary: JJ goes on a date with a girl but when it ends early, you ask him why and hidden feelings arise.

You and JJ have known each other for years. In a way, he was your first friend. You had met him in the playground when you were only 5 years old. You had slid down the slide, but winded up busting your ass on the way down. John B and JJ came running up to you, as tears fell down your face. Ever since then, the three of you were inseparable. A couple of years later, you met Kiara and Pope. But it wasn’t until a year ago where you had developed a crush for the blonde surfer. And it has only gotten worse over time.

“You have a what?!” Kiara yells, making you slap her mouth shut. “Yes Kie, okay? I have a crush on JJ! Please just don’t tell anyone, okay?” She paces around her room, running her hands through her hair. But because of her curls, she didn’t really get very far. “Y/n, this is crazy. You know the no-pouge-on-pouge macking rule! Why would you do this?” You sigh and fall back on the bed. “I didn’t want to Kie! It just happened. Besides, it’s not like he likes me back. It’s just a stupid crush, it’ll go away eventually.” But it didn’t. Days turned into weeks, which turned into a year.

1 year, 7 months, and 12 days. But who’s counting, right?

You had no idea if the boy liked you though. JJ Maybank was a boy of flirting. If she had boobs, she had JJ’s attention. Kiara says it’s different with you, but you can’t really tell. You love JJ to death but whenever he flirts with you, you can’t help but think it’s just a joke. That’s his personality. It’s who he is. Sometimes you think he can’t help it. He had always been there for you, no matter what. You had only gotten into a small fight once. It wasn’t even that major.

6 months ago

“John B, relax! If I wanna fuck around, let me fuck around! I’m not hurting anyone!” jj screams at John b, while the rest of you just watch. “Why do you keep doing this, huh jj? Why don’t you try to get your life together and maybe settle down!?” John B yells back, causing your heart rate to pick up. You saw both sides of the argument, but you didn’t want to pick sides. “Fuck off John B! Let me do what I want to do!” jj heads toward the door, but John B winds up saying something that tips jj off like you’ve never seen him. “If you keep going down the road you are now, you’re going to end up just like your dad!” Everyone gasps in disbelief as jj runs toward John b and slams him against the wall. “jj stop it!” You yell, but he turns back to you. “Stay out of this Y/n!” This causes John b to get an upperhand and he pushes jj to the ground. You run up to them, throwing John b off of him. “What is the matter with you two?!” You scream, as Pope comes up behind John b and grabs him. Neither one of them respond. “Pope, get him out of here. jj,” you say, as you grab his hand to help him up. “Come with me,” you say with anger. “But-“ he starts, but you shoot him a glare that shuts him up almost immediately.

Shutting the door behind you, you hear the bed creak as he sits down. “What’s the matter with you?” You yell, as he runs his hand down his face. “What’s the matter with me? Did you hear what John B said to me? Why is it any of his business what I do?” JJ huffs, crossing his arms in front of him. His eye follow you as you pace back and forth across your room. You stop in your tracks and walk in front of the blonde. “He’s just looking out for you! I get it’s your life and the thing he said about your dad was shitty, but he’s your best friend. He needs to understand your point of view, but try to understand his too.” You finish talking, and sit down next to him. He stays silent, but his eyes are screaming. “I hate when you’re right,” he smiles, making you chuckle. “What can I say? It’s the worst thing about me.”

“And the best,” he adds on. You roll your eyes, trying to ignore the butterflies that almost made you throw up. JJ gets up from your bed and puts his hand on the knob. Before opening it though, he turns to you. “Thank you Y/n.” And with that, he exits your room to go talk to John B. You couldn’t help but feel kind of upset. You didn’t want JJ to settle down with anyone. You wanted it to be you. But if he was happy, then so were you. And that was enough in your book.

So now, 6 months later, JJ has rarely been sleeping around. He actually listened to John B, which confused all of the Pouges. It might have even confused JJ a bit. You were all at a kegger. Smiling, laughing, and definitely drinking. You were having a blast. Until you weren’t. “Guys!” JJ runs up, panting. “Woah blondie, relax. What’s going on?” You ask, and he turns to you smiling. “I’m going on a date tomorrow at 1 o’clock! Met this hot chick! Her name is Leslie and she...” JJ’s voice fades out from your ears and you just stare at the fire in front of you. He met a girl. A hot one. He even knows her name. And he’s going on a date with her. There was no chance for you. You get up from where you’re sitting, feeling Kie’s eyes on you the entire time. JJ abruptly stops talking and turns to you. “Where are you going y/n?” He asks, and you turn to him. “Gotta go. See you guys tomorrow. You know, family stuff,” you say, trying not to make the pouges suspicious. But Kiara knew the real reason. And JJ definitely wasn’t buying into your story. He stopped talking about the girl and sat down in your previous spot next to Kie. “Is she okay?” He asks with sincere eyes, looking at the group. “I’m sure she’s fine,” Pope says while taking a sip of his beer. “No she wasn’t, didn’t you see her face? She looked really sad,” Sarah says, countering Pope. “Maybe I should go after her,” JJ whispers loud enough for everyone to hear. As he gets up, Kie grabs his hand to stop him. “Don’t,” was all she said. JJ didn’t question it, but he sat back down. He knew that Kie knew what was wrong with you, but didn’t want to pry. You would tell him eventually. You were his best friend afterall.

Tomorrow eventually came. After a night of crying your heart out for a boy that you considered your best friend, you checked your phone for the time. It was 1:03. JJ was probably on his date by now. You hated how infatuated you were with the Maybank boy, but you couldn’t help it. He made you feel things you’ve never felt for anyone else. You couldn’t explain it, but you loved him more than you loved yourself. And it made you crazy.

It was now 2:19 and the boy was still on your mind. Your parents were home, so at least you could wallow in self misery by yourself. You jump on the couch and turn on the tv, trying to find anything to distract you from JJ. From the girl he was with. He was probably kissing her. Maybe they’ll get married, you think. But you laugh at your mind and it’s restless thoughts. This was JJ you were talking about. Dating was barely on his mind, let alone marriage! You were getting ahead of yourself. You finally find a movie you want to watch, and hit play. Not even 10 minutes into the movie, someone was knocking on your door. With a loud groan, you pause the movie and walk over to the door. Maybe your parents were back and forgot the keys. Opening the door, you made eye contact with the one person you were trying to avoid all day.

“JJ?” You ask in disbelief. Looking at the clock next to you, you realize that the date only lasted an hour. Which was practically nothing. “You’re back so soon?” You say more like a question. “Can I come in?” He asks in a low voice. You move out of the way so he could walk in. He goes straight for the couch and plops down on it. Confused, you follow him and sit right next to him. “JJ what’s going on? How was the date?” He sighs and looks up at you. “Can I be honest?” He asks, making you nod. “It sucked.” A part of you wanted to jump up and down and throw a party. But you kept it cool, trying to conceal the excitement you felt. “What? Why? You seemed so excited last night?” JJ starts tracing circles along your couch with his finger. Something he did when he was nervous. You noticed.

“I know but I realized she was just.. hot. Her personality wasn’t really what I was looking for, I guess? I don’t know Y/n. She wasn’t what I wanted.”

“What was wrong with her?”

“Nothing was wrong with her at all. It’s just.. she wasn’t..” he stutters, trying to find the words to explain why she wasn’t enough for JJ. But the truth is, she probably was enough. She was pretty, she made JJ laugh, and she was actually very loyal! But in JJ’s mind, he just wasn’t feeling it. It wasn’t right. “I– ugh. I don’t know.” He runs his hands through his hair, which was something he did that always gave you butterflies. “Well maybe you need to just meet someone else!” You say with enthusiasm, trying to cheer JJ up. But he shakes his head with a “tsk” and stands up quickly. You look up at him with confusion. “Why JJ?”

“Because I know they wouldn’t be good enough.”

“What? JJ listen to yourself. You’re saying some girl wouldn’t be enough, yet you haven’t even met them yet!”

“She just wouldn’t be, okay Y/n? Quit it. I don’t wanna talk about it anymore.”

“No JJ, I won’t quit it!” You yell, standing up to face him. “She was good for you! You were so excited! What happened? Just tell me, you know! Deep down you know. You wouldn’t just waste a date on some–“

“She wasn’t you.”

You stop talking and just look up at JJ in disbelief. You couldn’t believe it. JJ Maybank was actually into you too. He ditched his date because she wasn’t you. “I’m sorry if you don’t want to hear that y/n, but it’s you. I love you and she wasn’t you. The thing wrong with her was that it wasn’t you sitting across from me in the diner. It wasn’t you telling me jokes. It wasn’t you telling me that I was handsome. I want it to be you.” You smile and chuckle softly. “I thought you didn’t like sharing your feelings,” you whisper, talking a step towards the boy. “Only for you princess.” He puts his left hand on your right cheek and looks deep into your eyes. “Can I kiss you y/n?” Without answering, you slam your lips into his, making him stumble a bit. You smile to yourself as he wastes no time kissing you back. You couldn’t believe in a million years that he would like you back. No, not like. Love. He was in love with you.

And this kiss was one of the many things he would do to prove that to you.

[cloudywriter]

the lost princess of terrasen

rowaelin month - september 7th 

prompt: fairytale au - (an anastasia au in this case)

important: okay y’all so i went way overboard with this entire au and it got out of hand so now this might just be a full-blown thing. however, with that whole releation and me going crazy with outlining and writing i could really only have this much of the story out and ready for today but i plan on continuing it!! hopefully after rowaelin month. enjoy this little introduction :)

(cw: brief descriptions of violence) 

masterlist, AO3

~~~

At freshly 18, Celaena Sardothien was free. She’d aged out of the orphanage and was finally released to go live her own life, no longer held down in the outskirts of Rifthold. Celaena didn’t want to wait a second longer, the need to leave the horrid place she’d lived the last ten years was ingrained in her bones. 

The woman who ran the orphanage, Clarisse, was cruel. From a young age, she poked at Celaena, commenting constantly on her weight or how she didn’t act like a proper young lady. Her entire life up until this point was spent at the mercy of Clarisse and her stern ways. All the girls in the orphanage were treated as maids and dolls for Clarisse to manipulate. But, Celaena made it, counting down the days until her birthday. 

Now, here she was, stuck out in the cold. She’d imagined her freedom to be more alluring than this instead she was shaking as she wandered through side streets that led to the heart of Rifthold. She carried with her a backpack barely full of her meager belongings and the too-thin coat on her back. Clarisse didn’t even spare her a hat to keep out the cold so she moved her hair to shield her freezing ears the best she could and waddled along the snowy pavement. 

She still had her kingsflame necklace around her neck, though, and that’s all that mattered. Where she had gotten it from she hadn’t a clue. The first memory she possessed was waking up in the very orphanage that would become her prison. Clarisse explained to her that she’d hit her head and a nice man named Arobynn had brought Celaena to Clarisse to be cared for. Clarisse questioned her about her family and upbringing relentlessly but Celaena could not recall a thing. Her mind was blank. For many nights as a young girl, she’d sit upright in the creaky, lumpy bed she occupied and willed herself to remember. She’d cry and scream, banging her fists into her head in frustration when nothing ever surfaced. 

The only connection she had to whatever life she lived before was her kingsflame necklace. And she’d follow that kingsflame to the ends of the continent if it meant she’d one day solve the mystery of her existence. 

Which led her to the first stop on her journey of discovery, Terrasen. Once Celaena had accepted that her memories weren’t coming back and this was the life she’d have to lead she adjusted. She served Clarisse and went to the small, dilapidated school down the street with the other orphans. There she discovered her love of books and the meager library the school offered became her sanctuary. It was there while she read a book on the kingdoms on Erilea, hoping something would strike her familiar she learned that kingsflame flowers only bloomed in one place, the capital of Terrasen, Orynth. 

As a child that discovery was a revelation. Terrasen. Maybe she was from Terrasen. 

As Celaena walked she felt her toes growing increasingly numb, Adarlan’s winters were bitter and she was not equipped with the proper wear. Her teeth chattered but she pushed forward, she needed to get passage to Terrasen. 

She drew the map out of the pocket of her coat once again and checked the status of her journey. Only a little longer until she was at Rifthold’s main dock station. 

The city of Rifthold was big and Celaena felt out of her depth as groups of people swarmed the streets walking to and from their different destinations. It was overwhelming, the smells, the tall buildings, the weather, the noise, the sheer number of people, everything. 

Eventually, she saw the lights of the station and she blew a sigh of relief, she hadn’t been very confident in her ability to read a map. She approached a man sitting in a booth behind a sheet of glass, smoking a cigarette. 

Celaena stepped up to the counter. 

“Hello, sir, I’d like to buy a ticket to Orynth,” she gave him a smirk, leaning casually on the box. She’d learned from many years of coexisting with Clarisse and a revolving door of people that to make it through life you needed a mask. Celaena had crafted her mask carefully and had perfected her act after so many years. She exuded arrogance and confidence so that another soul would never see the scared, lost little girl she truly was. 

The man grunted, blowing a puff of smoke from between his cracked lips. “Do you have your papers, girl?”

Her brain stalled. Papers? She cleared her throat, “papers?”

“Yes,” his scratchy voice replied, “you need papers to cross the border.” 

Celaena’s heart sank but she kept her expression neutral. “Well, I-”

“Listen, girl, I’m not going to sit here and waste your time so don’t sit here and waste mine. If you don’t have the right documents then I can’t sell you a ticket, simple as that,” he held the cigarette between his teeth. 

She searched for some way to turn this situation around, chewing on her bottom lip. 

From the shadows a little ways into the dark alley adjacent to the docks, she heard a hissed whisper. “You, blondie,” an old woman emerged slightly from the shadows, beckoning Celaena forward with her index finger.  

Celaena looked around, the man in the booth was already back to ignoring her, his nose stuck in a newspaper so she decided to approach the woman. She didn’t have much to lose and Celaena thought if it went south she could take her. 

Celaena crept closer, tightening her grip on the strap of her backpack. 

“You need papers?” Her voice was hoarse as if her throat was made of sandpaper. Celaena nodded her head keeping her guard up, watching her surroundings out of her peripheral. 

“I know who can get you some,” her face morphed into a slight smile that unsettled Celaena more than anything. Celaena furrowed her brows, “who?” The woman tsked at her, her hot breath forming a cloud in front of her face. 

“That kind of information isn’t free, my dear.” Celaena had to resist the urge to roll her eyes, everything came with a price in this world. 

Celaena reached around to the side pocket of her backpack, fishing out a few coins she had to spare. She’d saved just enough from doing odd jobs to pay her fare to Terrasen. She deposited the coins into the palm of the old woman’s hand, her knobby fingers running along their smooth edges. 

“Go a few streets north and into the red brick warehouse with the large windows, you can’t miss it. Ask for a Mr. Rowan Whitethorn, he’ll get you the papers,” she instructed, hoarding the scant sum of money she was given as though they were priceless heirlooms. Celaena turned her head in the direction the woman directed as if she could spot the warehouse from here and by the time she rounded back the woman had disappeared once again. 

Celaena huffed and shot another glance at the ticket man, he was still paying no attention, tapping his cigarette out with his finger. She didn’t necessarily want to go on a wild goose chase to obtain these papers but she had no other way of getting them so she breathed deeply and shoved her hands into her pockets and twisted north. 

The woman was right about not being able to miss the warehouse. It was a large, old, imposing structure, clearly, it had not been in use for some time now. Celaena crept closer peering into the foggy windows as she passed the front of the building. She couldn’t see anything and was unconvinced she’d find the elusive ‘Rowan Whitethorn’ inside. 

Nonetheless, she approached a rusting metal door on the side and pushed it open with her gloved hand. The door protested but it miraculously opened revealing a wide area stacked high with boxes along the walls and corners.

She ventured further into the space, dust and broken glass crunching beneath her boots. She didn’t see any signs of life besides maybe some rats. As she neared the opposite corner what could’ve been a makeshift sitting area came into view, blocked from view initially by a stack of boxes. She approached noting the circle of crates, a dusty blanket, and a few books piled on the side. 

She peered at the title of the book on the top of the stack. 

The Royal Family of Terrasen. Mixed emotions surged through her body. 

“Who’s in here?” A male voice boomed nearly rattling the windows. Celaena shuttered, letting her bravo fill her bones as she heard a set of footsteps enter the space. 

+++ 

Rowan Whitethorn’s life since the fall of Terrasen and the reign of the Valg had been a hell-hole, to put it bluntly. His family fell out of status, his parents were slain in the ambush on Orynth’s castle, and Rowan was left in an unfamiliar land at twelve years old. 

A sect of the Whitethorn house had been visiting Terrasen’s court for the holidays when Maeve made her move against the continent. Doranelle crumpled first to her rule and Terrasen followed, the army of Valg she’d amassed was too large to stand against. Adarlan only survived because King Dorian bowed down to Maeve. 

Even now at twenty-two, he has nightmares about that evening. The terror he felt as Valg poured into the ballroom and slaughtered the royals. The terror he saw in the princess of Terrasen’s eyes as she was shoved into the kitchens by her nursemaid where Rowan had happened to take shelter as well. He was scared too, running as soon as his father screamed at him to as the Valg slit his throat. He regretted it deeply, leaving like a coward when the palace was invaded. He regretted the cowering he did in the kitchens as well but when the young princess had burst in the doors, tears flowing freely down her cheeks something had come over him. He had pushed her out into the snow yelling at her to run and she did, scrambling to find her footing.

The rest was a blur, the Vlag hurried into the kitchens soon after but somehow Rowan made it out with his life. The same could not be said for many people in the castle that night. 

Now, Rowan lived in Rifthold as a thief and doer of other’s dirty work. He longed for the day he could get out of this city of nightmares crawling with Valg. One day, he promised himself, one day he’d have to funds to make it back to Wendlyn and witness what had become of his home. 

There was an opportunity, though, that’d heard about from whispers on the streets. Aedion Ashryver. One of the few survivors from Terrasen’s downfall. He chosen to stay in Terrasen’s territory afterward, the country had no real structured ruling now. The old King-Consort Darrow was the closest thing there was to a king but from what he’d gathered the man is old and weak, not the same after the death of his husband, King Orlon. Terrasen had virtually crumbled. 

Somehow, Aedion had built up the Bane and gained standing for himself. A standing he was using to campaign to find his long-lost cousin. How Maeve hadn’t gotten wind of Aedion and his plotting and squashed him, Rowan wasn’t sure. Nevertheless, Aedion was offering a hefty reward for the return of his dear Aelin, the nation’s true queen, convinced she was still alive.

Rowan thought the operation was useless. Her body was never found, that was true, but he imagined she’d likely fled into the Oakwald forest and perished from hypothermia not long after. If he could make a pretty penny from returning the ‘princess’ to Aedion, though, he wasn’t above doing so. 

All Rowan needed was a young, blonde, and blue-eyed woman he could convince to join his cause and he could coach her to be the perfect replacement for Aelin. Truthfully, he wasn’t convinced this could ever be achieved but it was something he’d contemplated. 

Rowan was making his way back to the warehouse he liked to operate his more shady business out of, the biting cold seeping into his clothes. The looming, muddy red-brick building came into view and he pushed the frosted metal door open. Immediately, he was aware that someone had invaded his space. 

Small footsteps had disrupted the layer of dusk along the floor. His hand flew to the dagger strapped to his chest as he prowled further inside. 

“Who’s in here?” he called out, gripping the dagger tightly by its handle. Once he got far enough into the space he could see a young woman was standing near his makeshift seats.

The first thing he noticed was she was beautiful. Long, golden blonde hair flowed down her shoulders, her skin was pale and her lips had a blue tint to them. Rowan pushed aside all those unsavory thoughts, she was an intruder after all. However, he couldn’t help but study her, she was dressed far too light for the dead of winter, not even a hat on her head. 

She looked right back at him, accessing him as he was her. She didn’t look scared to have been caught trespassing, no, honestly, she looked annoyed as if he was interrupting her. 

“Who the hell are you?”

~~~

let me know if y’all like it so far and would like to see more, xoxo

[antigoneidk]

Unexpectedly good| h.h.

summary: Getting out of your comfort zone isn’t as bad as it seems, getting to know strangers can be fun. Espesially cute ones.

words count: 3.2+

pairing: harry holland x writer!reader

warnings: none

a/n: this is my first time writing about Harry, but I thought why not? 

True love exists they say. You're seeing it all around you as you taking a walk around your neighborhood, you’re reading it through written words late at night sitting on your bedroom floor, you’re hearing through melodies while driving around the city.

But does it last forever?

You also notice people getting their hearts broken, couples married for decades separating their ways, fighting for things they thought they never would. You’re listening to your friends crying, or artists expressing this pain through paintings, poems, even movies with actors playing their roles really well, drifting everyone with their emotions. Promises, vows are getting broken.

And you can help those questions that are always running to your mind: if it doesn’t last forever,then why the hell do we bother with it? Why do we even dragging ourselves into these situations when we could easily just be alone and happy after all? If love means suffer, why do others are still falling in love?

It would never make sense. Are they dumb?

Maybe.

We’ve been taught from early years some rules.

Number one: always be kind to others around you.

Number two: listen to your parents.

Number three: find someone to love.

And is not that they told us to do with words, but somehow they showed us with their actions. Your dad would kiss your mother goodbye before work, or give her presents. Your mum would prepare a fancy dinner for him, usually to thank him for everything he’s done for their family. They would go on dates, spoil each other, “I love you"'s would be heard every now and then. Or after an argument they’ll fall asleep and the next day they’ll get up with smiles on their faces and a forgiving speech already made up.

“My parents are divorced.”

Are they single? No, at least one of then has moved on and met somebody to love.

And that is my point. They got their hearts broken once, why do they risk it for the second time?

“Hey are you okay?” the blonde girl asked next to you, clearly worried.

“Umm yeah? Why are you asking?”

“You have these weird expressions while you’re writing and you scared the shit out of us. Also I’m really curious to know what caused you this” your male friend sipped his iced coffee. You laughed at him closing your notebook leaving your pen inside it and copying his movements. The cold liquid felt hydrating.

“I don’t think you will any time soon baby" you placed your cup at the table. “And to be honest with you, nobody will"

“The disrespect! Girl, we’ve been here for the past two hours and this is the first time you're talking" her voice sounded serious at first, turning to more playful after. They both knew that you were an artistic soul, always with a pen in your hand ready to imprint your thoughts at a paper. Writing meant everything to your existence, the only getaway from the world.

“You need to be more confident with your writing y/n. You are talented and you keep wasting your talent away. Imagine how you can change the world with all your inspirational things you write for us, all of your creative stories that I have no idea how your mind is capable to think of them. And I'm not saying this because I'm your friend, this is my honest opinion”

“And some may say that you are just a hopeless romantic. But I am in awe with you and how you describe feelings that are so difficult to talk about.”

You smiled bright at your friends. “What did I do to deserve friends like you guys?”

“You were just lucky that we felt sorry for you that day at the library” he took your hands into his and turned to the girl next to you, that had wrapped her arms around your torso and had placed her head to your shoulder. “Do you remember how lonely she looked?”

“Ouch"you said moving your hand towards your heart playing it hurt. “Oh my Gosh, was I like this?”you asked biting your lip. It was your first year at a new busy town, with people that looked way cooler that you were, a lifestyle out of your comfort zone. Denying that you didn’t seemed lost would be a lie.

They both nobbed their heads laughing and you covered your face thinking how much you have changed the past few years and even though you still wokred with yourself, you had made progress there.

«I think we should go guys, it's getting late and I have work to do» the man of the group announced, Gigi next to you complaining that he just ruined her night for the dumbest reason «in history»

«Who goes home to do work? Have you lost your mind? Let's go get a drink» she turned to you «Is he crazy?»

«I mean he may have a reason»

«Are you siding with him now? Do you have a boyfriend and you just don't want us to know?»she leaned to his side wanting to learn more curious. Your friend was the person that wanted to know everything about the others, not because of the gossip, she wasn't like that. The reason behind it was that Gigi felt the need to protect her family and close friends from bad situations. And to do that, she pressured others just so they can help her create a picture about them, a guide for her that she might need in the future.

Noel on the other hand seemed more like incurious about his friend's private life. Not that he didn't care, but he would wait for the other with no pressure. He was there for who might needed his help, whenever they felt ready to open up. Lies was the only thing that he couldn't forgive. From anyone.

«I'm gonna kill this bitch I swear» he got up following you that you were already behind them giggling with them.

«You are so annoying Noel» Gigi grabbed you by the arms and made her way to the exit of the cute café you spent your afternoon at. You glanced back at him with curved lips but eyes drowning with tears of laughter, while he was getting up from his chair, laughing with his sweet laugh of his and looking around for things that you might have forgot.

«Oh I'm sorry» you heard your friend apologizing at the same time you crashed with her back. You turned your head at her ready to reassure her, before your eyes met a pair of brown ones.

«It's my fault I wasn't paying any attention» a blonde boy next to him apologized shyly.«Ladies first» they both stepped back making room for the both of you to make your way out. You took a look at the boy that caught your attention at first smiling shyly back at him when you noticed him doing the same. You held onto your friend tightly as you walked away, giggling with her quietly.

«Gigi what was that?» you asked after a while, being sure that none of them would here you.

«I have no idea» she said before slowing her step finally staying still in front of you. «But they looked cute» her eyes made their way behind your back.

«Yes he did» you mumbled taking a look at your shoes. At the very time you realized what words your mouth left out loud you corrected yourself quickly «They were cute yeah..um..where-where is Noel?» you shallowed the inside of your cheeks staring back at her.

«Behind you» she replied with a smirk. «Hey baby y/n forgot her pen there, would you wait for us? Just for a minute?»

«What? No-»

«No she didn't, I checked everywhere. Y/n just search again at your bag»You rolled your eyes and opened your bag, diving your hand into the mess inside just for you to reveal the pen that was missing apparently.

«I can't with you guys sometimes» her walking far from the two of you had you chuckle at your friend, yet thinking that something would have come out of this. But it was just a stranger, a handsome one, that you would never see again. The chances of meeting this man were minimal so you tried to not distract your mind with possible scenarios.

You were curious though. What would have happened if you went back there? Maybe he wouldn't be there, not all people like to enjoy their drinks inside a room with others. Maybe he would have been sitting at a table with the blonde guy talking about his day or problems hat he might have. How will his voice sound like? Or he would be the one listening to his friend.

Or they would be waiting for their girlfriends to come.

It sounded more realistic at that time.

«What happened now?». You grabbbed his arm slowly walking behind the blonde annoyed girl friend of yours. The irritated sound of his voice was showing, tired of her attitude she had the past xouple of minutes.

“She is just a little mad at us, you know she had other plans for tonight. What can I say? We are bad friends I guess" you joked making the boy next to you roll his eyes smiling.

_

Few days later you found yourself into your little appartment, working at a new assignment that had to be ready in a couple of hours. Your fingers tapping the keyboard faster that lightning, the words showing in front of you in seconds, your mind working nonstop, new ideas popping every now and then out of nowhere.

Three hours later and ten pages were ready to be sent back at your boss. Ten pages fillled with things that only God knew how much you loved them.

The power of art. How art can change someone completely, how people can be reborn, how the prospective of life can turn, how individuals could change into creatures ready to rule the world with their creativity, their visions of a better future.

Your phone rang unexpectedly, the sound of the familiar ringtone disctracting you from checking possible mistakes on your writing. You picked it in your hand, the photo of your blondie friend lit up the screen.

“Hello” you answered happy to hear her after days.

“Hi y/n, what are you-” a loud car horn stopped her from finishing her sentence, voices from far away screaming, a chaos starting to build up. “Watch where you’ re going phycho” you bit your lip curious as her aggressive tone sounded from the other side of the phone.

“Are you okay? Gigi?”

“Why do all idiots get driving license?”

“I don't know babe, let's just pretend that they didn't pay others"

“That's true" she paused for a while and then continued “Yeah anyway, what are you doing?”

“I just finished my article. Do you wanna come over?” you suggested.

“I was thinking if you're interested in meeting at that café we went with Noel” it was only ten minutes away from where you lived, so it worked perfect for you.

“That sounds like a plan”

“Great! I'm gonna be there in twenty minutes so take your time"

“Okay I'll see you soon" you hanged up the call and moved to your closet. The weather was cloudy and windy, unlike the day before. People were walking down the streets holding on to their jackets really tight, so you assumed that it was getting really cold out there, a feeling of sadness covering you from the inside as summer was coming to an end sooner that you'd thought.

_

Ten minutes after you were outside finally, hugging your body as tight as possible, holding your own jacket, try to protect your self from the cold. Your rapid steps got you to your destination earlier that usual. You opened the door, the warm air hitting your face, the smell of coffee and donuts filling your lungs. You scanned the space around you, an empty table catching your eyesight a few meters away from where you stood. You sat there ans waited patiently for your friend to come and join you. The attention of yours caught the food that was getting ready to be served to customers, looking like the most attractive thing in the universe. I'm getting one of these for sure.

“Sorry for being late. Guess who I bumped into” Gigi interrupted your thoughts as she sat at the chair across you.

“Bratt Pitt?”

“I would have died. Try again I'll give you one more chance”

“Is it a celebrity?” you leaned to her half smiling.

“Nope" she shaked her head and crossed her hands down to her chest, leaning back.

“Then why would I know? Was it your ex?”

“Who sees their ex and smiles like that? Wake up"

“I give up"

“Do you remember the two cute boys we saw here?” she placed her arms at the table. “Yes don't look at me like that. They will be here in a few"

“You invited two strangers? What if their intentions are bad? Have you lost your mind?” you started panicking, yet making sure that you won't drag all the attention to you from the others.

“That would have been fun for your miserable life but no they're not bad. They seemed really nice actually and that's why I told them that we will be here so shut your mouth. And you even said that you liked that brunette boy, you should thank me”

“I never said anything like that Gigi. And I don’t care if they are the nicest people we've ever met, they're still strangers-“

“Not anymore" she lifted her arm and then stood up with a bright smile on her lips. “Um hey guys" she greeted them and then pointed towards you. “This is y/n I told you about" you got up and turned around so you can meet them yourself.

“Harrison" the blonde guy said to you and you smiled back at him.

“Y/n" you shacked his hand politely. He did not seem bad at all and even though you felt sorry for him, it was still irresponsible from her to act like this. You made room for him to pass you and came face to face with the brunette boy.

«I'm Harry» so that's how his voice sounded like.

«I'm y/n. Nice to meet you» he shacked your hand and you couldn't ignore the feelings you got, the warmth, the electricity you felt, the sensation just from the palm of his hand. You sat back down, across your bestfriend and next to Tom.

At first you felt really awkward, compared to Gigi that looked so confident and never stopped talking, moslty about her life, how she ended up in this town, what she's studying, her hobbies. She was a person that had the ability of opening up to strangers real quick, very friendly. She made you feel like home, like she was the big sister everyone wanted. That's how she won a place into your heart, you have always needed a friend like her, and she was at the right place the right time.

«So y/n what do you do in your free time?» Harrison asked.

«Oh..um I write I guess?»

«You have to see what she wrote last week. I admire her talent and I'm sure she will get far one day»

«It's not that big of a deal» you grabbed the cup in front you. «I just love writing about life and things in general»

«I would love to read something of yours» you heard Harry speaking and you turned to watch him. His curls seemed perfect covering a little of his forehead, his cheeks a light red, probably from the heat, his eyes staring back at you.

«You think so?» he caught you by surprise, as mostly the people that learnt about your obsession with writing never actually asked you to read anything from your writings, and maybe there was a chance that this was the reason behind you doubting all of your work. It was a battle that you didn't ask for.

«Yes» his lips turned into a smile, your did to as you couldn't help it. And you met him only half and hour before.

Their stories were interesting. Harrison had a passion for acting and was actually preparing for a really big project that he couldn't share much information for. But your curiosity was loud, you wanted to learn about this job, or how he was able to handle his emotions.

Harry was into photography, a fact that surprised you in a good way, and as you heard him talk about it more as the time went by, both of you gained more confidence and comfort around each other, absorbing plenty of informations.

At this point you thanked your friend for inviting them, and noted to do that in person after. They were truly the nicest people and seemed like two boys that you would totally hang with them anytime.

“This is amazing. I would love to see them one day” you stated. He moved closer to you, his one arm came behind your chair and rested there.

“I'm free for you anytime, as long as I'm gonna read anything, a poem or a story, only of yours”

“You really want to read them? They are not that good” you pointed at Gigi "Don't listen to her"

“You're really cute” he pulled your hair behind your ear “And yes I want to read one of your writings, I know that they will be good, I can already tell how artistic you are and I like that” he really said that? Was this true?

“Hey mate we have to go. Tom is waiting for us" Harrison pushed Harry's arm destroying your little moment, thankfully cause you actually didn't have any answer for his statement. Just questions that he wasn't going to answer.

“Already? He can't wait for a little more?” Harry got up after Harrison as he wore his jacket.”I'm so sorry girls. We'll make up for this I promise you. And I'm gonna bring my work with me just for you" he whispered his last sentence to you, while the other two of the group were talking on their own.

“It's okay don't worry. I'm sure he has a reason for whatever happened"

“No my brother is just a asshole and not responsible but don't let me get started" you laughed for a moment and watched straight at you, Harrison and Gigi hugging each other. They seemed like they got so closed within an hour only. It was unbelievable how she knew exactly what to say to win everyone's heart and mind. “I'm just hoping that I'll be able to see you again"

“Um I hope to as well" you smiled at him goodbye and waved at the two boys, that were walking now outside the café.

“You're lucky that I have Harrison’s number”

“What?”you turned your attention back to her. She was in a really happy mood and it showed not only from her expressions but from her body language as well.

“You dumbass how are you gonna see him again if you can't find him huh?”

She was right.

“I'm sorry for earlier. I was wrong" you apologized, feeling sorry for staying mad at her when all she wanted to do was to get you out of your comfort zone.

“You're still thinking about it? Just tell, how was he? He was cute right?”

_

After 2 hours of gossip and analyses you were finally back at your safe place, wrapped around with your favorite blanket and your favorite movie on. Everything seemed okay when a message from an unknown number called you back into reality.

‘Hey this is Harry! I forgot to ask your number but I was lucky enough to find it. Goodnight<3'

-----------

he is so cute what the hell?????

[soaptunes]

Paramore - After Laughter - Album Review

The quarter-life crisis album for a generation who didn't know they needed it yet.

Yeah, I, uh, totally missed Paramore. As a recovering 2013 Tumblr girl, I don't know how that one happened, but it did, and now I'm paying for it and wondering why the hell I waited for so long. (Hint: it was probably the internalized misogyny.) I remember a surprising amount of negativity surrounding this record when it arrived, which I guess isn't surprising given how hostile to change Paramore's core demographic can be despite their lineup changes. At the same time, though, it is surprising - this is Paramore's happiest-sounding, most immediate album, and has some of their absolute best lyrics. Down to a trio, and with Zac Farro rejoining on drums, After Laughter finds the band shedding the baggage of their teenage years and realizing that, yeah, the rest of it is going to be like this.

The hooks on this album, my god. Opening with the one-two punch of lead singles "Hard Times" and "Rose-Colored Boy," the latter of which has instantly become my favorite of the few Paramore songs I know, the band proceeds through a salvo of killer pop songs. I did say pop and not pop-punk: while this is certainly pop-rock-ish, the lack of punk bite on these songs is part of the draw. Again, this is an album about maturation - the pettiness of "Misery Business" is gone. The radio-slickness of "Still Into You" is a bit closer, but After Laughter leans into the goofiness of the 80s, with call-and-response chants, simple synth lines on cheap keyboards, and jangly guitar tones cribbed from bands like the Cure and especially New Order at their sugariest. "Caught in the Middle" rides three chords like Blink but turns into a Blondie-ish reggae strut on the irresistible chorus, with one of Williams's best performances and the best guitar line on the album.

Other highlights include the lush "Pool," "Fake Happy," whose simple synth riff is the kind that gets stuck in your jaw like candy, the alternately moody (hello Robert Smith) and bouncy "Idle Worship," and the lovely acoustic-and-strings surprise "26," which has one of the most affecting melodies I've ever heard from a band with its roots in the snottier side of pop-punk. (That's a very affectionate use of the word "snottier," ftr.) One thing I love that connects all these songs is their embrace of the verse - there's a stupid and shitty trend in a lot of radio pop these days to just let the verses fill space to lull you into a sense of security before slapping you over the head with an overinflated chorus. Williams recognizes in her songwriting that verses are just as important to the structure and memorability of a pop song as the chorus, and there's hardly a wasted verse section across the whole record.

I delayed it this long, but it's impossible to talk about htis album without talking about Williams's lyrics, and, boy. For all the "I'm So Fucked Up And Sad" posturing that Paramore's Warped Tour stagemates paraded out for crowds of Fucked Up And Sad teenagers, rarely have I heard anything from that crowd that can articulate the realities of depression, ennui, and mental illness.

> Leave me here a little bit longer

> I think I wanna stay in the car

> I don't want anybody seeing me cry now

> You say "We gotta look on the bright side"

> I say "Well, maybe if you wanna go blind"

> You say my eyes are getting too dark now

> But boy, you ain't ever seen my mind

> Hey, if I smile with my teeth

> Bet you believe me

> If I smile with my teeth

> I think I believe me

> See, I'm gonna draw up my lipstick wider than my mouth

> And if the lights are low, they'll never see me frown

> Survival will not be the hardest part

> It's keeping all your hopes alive

> When all the rest of you has died

> So let it break your heart

And that's just the first five songs! The heart of this album is consumed with using music and performance to cover up darker thoughts, losing friends, and aging out of the circle that protected you when you were younger. It resonates if you let it, but the music on the surface doesn't bear many traces either. Being able to convey pain so harshly in songs this snappy is rare, and it suits the band really well. This is a silly comparison but I'm almost reminded of Silver Jews' *American Water* in the pithiness of its sadness.

If I have one criticism of After Laughter, it's that at this point the band Paramore has become a bit of a Hayley Williams solo project. That's fine, of course, and the album doesn't suffer for it, since she's brilliant, but it does mean that sometimes the instrumentals take a backseat to her vocals, like on the just-okay "Grudges," or the sleepy "Forgiveness." The guitar playing can run anonymous, which is kinda crazy coming from the guy who shredded his way through the Riot! years and delivered the slamming walls of guitar on "Ain't It Fun's" chorus. That's a pretty minor complaint overall, though, I was really impressed by this record and couldn't believe I slept on it for so long. Catch me sprinting through their back catalogue this week!

RATING: LIGHT 9/10

FAVORITE TRACKS: "Hard Times," "Rose-Colored Boy," "Told You So," "Fake Happy," "26," "Pool," "Caught in the Middle," "Idle Worship," "Tell Me How"

LEAST FAVORITE TRACK: "Forgiveness"

after laughter on spotify

[ilovefandoms102]

Part 27

Summary: The Pogues can’t seem to catch a break...

Taglist:

@jeyramarie @ma10427 @outerbongs @lonely-kermit @agirlwholovescoffee @iamaunicorn4704 @gviosca @jellyfishbeansontoast @lasnaro @justcallmesams @lopineapples @fernweh-fangirl @runway-to-my-aid​ @tangledinsparkles​ @hurricane-abigail​ @eb15​

AU:Part 24 Part 25  Part 26 Part 28  Part 29  Part 30  Part 31

Note: Hope you guys enjoy! As always let me know what you guys think!

===================

I woke up to the sound of machines beeping, my eyes feeling heavy as I tried to open them. I looked around to see a hospital room, my leg was heavily bandaged, tubes running in and out of me, and the feeling of something heavy on my hand. I looked to the other side of me to see Kie holding my hand, Pope beside of her. JJ was nowhere in sight which worried me.

“Hey, how do you feel?” she asked, rubbing the back of my hand with her thumb.

“Sore, sleepy....where’s JJ?” I asked, concerned that he wasn’t right beside me. Kie looked at Pope, her expression somber. “Kie, where’s JJ?” I asked again, trying to sit up.

“We don’t know...” Pope said, my eyes widening.

“He went to go get you some other clothes...he never came back. I’ve called him and Pope has too, it goes straight to voicemail.” Kie said, brushing some hair out of my face.

“Where’s my phone, I’ll try.” I said, sitting up. My body protested, but I forced my muscles to cooperate. I called JJ, he picked up on the first ring.

“JJ? Where are you?” I asked worriedly.

“Angel, knew you’d be calling soon.” Barry said from JJ’s phone.

“Barry? Where’s JJ? What did you do to him?” I yelled, my heart monitor starting to beep from how fast my heart was going.

“You’ll get him back when I get my 25k Angel, he’s going to do some jobs for me. Not sure how pretty he’ll be when you get him back though in all honesty.” he said, I could hear yelling in the background.

“If you so much as harm a single strand of hair on his head Barry I’ll make sure you’re dead this time around.” I growled, gripping my phone tighter. 

“Clock’s tickin’ Angel, better start digging up some cash. I’ll let you say bye to your boy .” Barry said, I heard shuffling before I heard JJ’s voice.

“Hey sweets” JJ croaked, his voice rougher than usual.

“JJ! Don’t worry baby we’re coming to get you.” I said, tears rolling down my face.

“I’m so so sorry baby, please just stay home. I don’t want you to get hurt anymore than you already are. Please, don’t try to be a hero for me.” he said firmly.

“I already told you Maybank, I’m not going another day without you. It’s you and me until the end Blondie. Sit tight we’ll be there soon, I love you.” I said, telling Pope to go get a nurse.

“I love you, be careful.” he said, the line going dead right after. 

I put my phone down, staring at the wall. I saw Kie’s lips moving, but I couldn’t hear what she was saying. I ripped the covers off of me, swinging my legs off of the bed. I yanked the tubes and cords out of me, going to grab my clothes.

“What the hell are you doing?!” Kie shouted, trying to grab a hold of me. 

“I’m getting the fuck out of here Kiara, JJ is in trouble. Barry has him and is going to torture him until we find 25k. I’m not wasting anytime, we’re going to make a visit to the Cameron’s.” I said, limping to the bathroom.

=====================================

Pope pulled up to the Cameron’s, we parked by a house beside theirs so the van couldn’t be seen. I got out of the van, turning to look at my friends.

“Ok, I’m going to try and make it in and out in 30 minutes. Ward has to have some cash in his house somewhere.” I said.

“What about surveillance cameras? They’re bound to have those.” Kie said, her look telling me that she did not like this plan.

“Way ahead of you, I brought these mini pliers so I could cut the wires to their electrical box. I remember the last time we were here, the box was just outside of Sarah’s room.” I said, showing them my mini tool. Kie huffed, sitting back in her seat.

“I don’t like this...” she grumbled.

“I can’t just let Barry torture JJ Kiara! He’s in trouble!” I exclaimed, not understanding why she was so against this.

“He’s the one that got us in this mess in the first place!” she shouted, Pope putting a hand on her shoulder.

“Kie, this is not the time to-” Pope said.

“Shut up Pope!” Kie yelled.

“So it’s ok to help my brother get out of trouble, but now that JJ needs our help you just want to let him be tortured by a blood crazy drug dealer? Got it.” I said, giving a thumbs up.

“I’m just saying I don’t like that we have to resort to stealing money from someone to bail JJ out,” she sighed.

“Technically we’re stealing from someone who stole from us, so it evens out the playing field if you think about it.” Pope rambled.

“Thank you Pope!” I said, Kie rolling her eyes at her boyfriend. 

“You also just got out of the hospital, well, escaped from the hospital for being shot.” she said.

“I have to agree on those circumstances, you shouldn’t even be standing.” Pope said.

“Wish me luck,” I said, saluting them before taking off towards the Cameron’s house. 

It didn’t look like anyone was home, I didn’t spot any vehicles outside their home. Rafe’s bike wasn’t in sight either, this was a good sign. I ran to the side of the house where Sarah’s room was, locating the electrical box. I opened it, tearing the insides out until I could see all the wires connecting to the house. I snipped every single wire in sight, having to use more force with the bigger wires. After that, I climbed the side of the house until I was at the window. The window was surprisingly unlocked, so I slid myself in with ease. My leg screaming at me, I could feel the blood pumping in my leg. The pain excruciating, but I had to ignore it. I had to save JJ.

I listened to see if there was any noise in the house, straining my ears to pick up any sound. I tiptoed to the door, being careful on the creaky parts of the floor. I peaked out of the room, seeing no one on the second floor. I ran to Ward’s office, putting my ear against the door to check for any signs of someone being in there. I slowly peaked my head in, looking both ways before fully stepping in the office.

I looked around to see if Ward was dumb enough to have the safe somewhere obvious, hoping that he was so this would be easy. Nothing in my life was ever easy though. I started to feel anxious, the thought of Barry, and no doubt Rafe, hurting JJ. I hoped more than anything that I would find JJ in one piece, but I needed to focus. I started to tear the place apart, pulling on shelves and books, looking under furniture. 

I was starting to lose hope, until I looked back at the huge picture of Tanny. I had this feeling that I should look behind the picture. I walked over to it, running my fingers where I could reach. I heard a click, pulling back on the picture, and there it was. It was an eight digit code safe, seemed easy enough for me to guess. 

I went through all his children’s, wife’s, and even tried his birthday. Nothing. Just for sport I tried mine and John B.’s birthday, starting to get frustrated. I turned to his desk, going through a bunch of his files on The Royal Merchant. I looked for an eight digit number that could give me a clue to what the code might be. I froze when I found a picture.

It was a picture of him, Scooter, and my father. Then something clicked, I turned back and tried the date my father went missing. The safe beeped, a green light flashing, and it opened. I was exhilarated, finding wads and wads of cash. I shrugged JJ’s backpack off my shoulders, stuffing all the money I could into the backpack. My phone started to vibrate in my pocket, my eyes widening at the message.

“GET OUT NOW! WARD AND RAFE ARE COMING IN!!!” from Pope. 

I shut the safe, carefully shutting the picture frame. I opened the door to see Rafe and Ward coming up the steps, thankfully they hadn’t heard me. I quickly shut the door back, looking for a place to hide. I saw the space between a bookshelf, making a mad dash to it. I wiggled myself in just as Rafe and Ward walked in. I held my breath as I watched them sit at his desk.

“I don’t remember leaving my stuff out like this,” Ward mumbled.

“Can you please just call the electrical company so we can get the WiFi back.” Rafe huffed, pacing around the room.

“Don’t you have better things to do Rafe?” Ward asked, letting out a frustrated sigh.

“Ward, it looks like someone hacked at the electrical box! What is going on?” Rose asked.

“What? I’ll come take a look.” Ward sighed, all of them heading out.

I let out the breath I was holding, coming out of my hiding spot. I scurried to the door, watching them go down the stairs. I stepped out, going towards Sarah’s room.

“Hello little Pogue,” Rafe’s voice came from behind me. I jumped, spinning around.

“Rafe,” I gasped.

“Come back for more?” he asked, smirking at me. 

“I came for my money you son of a bitch” I sneered, taking off to Sarah’s room.

“Get back here!” Rafe yelled, chasing after me. 

I jumped out of Sarah’s window, hurrying down the ladder. I sprinted to the front of the house, ignoring the immense pain in my leg. Rafe came out of the front of the house just as I made it past the front steps, catching up to me. I pushed myself faster, waving my hands at the van.

“POPE DRIVE!” I screeched, making my legs move despite them screaming at me to stop. 

Kie opened the van as Pope took off, reaching out for my hand. I grabbed a hold of her, pulling myself in. Rafe was right behind me, grabbing the side of the door. Kie and I heaved at the door, the piece of shit getting stuck of course. Rafe tried to grab at me, I laid back and kicked my legs forward. I successfully got him in the chest, knocking him off the van. Kie and I got the door shut, both of us panting.

“Did you get it?” Pope asked, glancing back at us.

“I took the whole damn thing baby!” I cheered, showing the inside of JJ’s backpack. 

“Oh shit!” Kie smiled, high-fiving me.

============================

We were back at the chateau, getting everything ready to go find JJ. I called JJ’s phone again, Barry picking up.

“Angel, you got my money?” he asked.

“All of it, now where is he?” I spat.

“Calm down Angel, you’ll get your boy back in no time.” he said.

“What do you mean no time? I got your money that’s what you wanted!” I shouted, pacing around the room.

“I’m not done playing Angel,” he whispered, my heart dropped.

“Barry, that boy has suffered enough because of Luke! Let him go!” I yelled.

“You see Angel, I don’t take kindly to people stealing from me. I’ll let you know when you can have him back.” he laughed.

“BARRY!” I screeched, the line went dead.

“NO!” I wailed, throwing my phone at the wall. 

“What happened?!” Kie asked, coming to my side. Pope picked up my phone, bringing it to me. 

“He’s not letting JJ go, he said he’s not done playing with us.” I sobbed, both of them hugging me.

“We’ll figure something out, we always do.” Pope said, always trying to be the optimist in the most awful situations. 

“You’re right, we need to focus. We know where Barry lives right? Maybe we could go there and find a clue to where he’s keeping JJ.” I brainstormed, pacing around the living room.The front door opened, all of us turning to look. I stopped dead in my tracks, my mouth falling open.

“Hi bubba,” John B. whispered.

===========================

[sxngshine]

If Tomorrow Comes

• Chan x reader x Minho

• Genre: FLUFF, BIT OF CRACK, ANGSTTT

• Word Count: 2.03k

• Love triangle au, college au, Enemies to lovers(kind of) au

• Summary: you were a temperamental girl who lived a hard life ever since your dad died. Your grandma and mom always fought and it always brought troubles to your already broken family. But after meeting a man who came all the way from another country, you knew your life wasn't going to be the same. But don't judge a book by its cover, otherwise you'll never know the full story.

• Extra: This story is based off of a movie I watched. I really liked the plot so I made a story out of it. Obviously not exactly like the movie, I added my own parts to it. All creds go to the creators of the movie ily all💕

Ps. I may make a series out of this.

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♡Y/n's POV♡

Beep Beep Beep Beep Bee-

You groaned and turned off your stupid alarm. Mornings were definitely not your thing. But alas, you had a class today and you couldn't be late, so you begrudgingly got up and dragged your feet towards the bathroom.

Looking at yourself in the mirror, you almost screeched at your ugliness- just kidding but you did groan at how much of a rats nest your hair looked like.

After showering and completing your morning routine, you walked out of your bathroom and towards your closet. Throwing on whatever you saw first (which happened to be a gray hoodie and unfortunately, jeans) and then tamed your hair so it looked hair presentable.

Not bothering to put it up you grabbed your bag and made your way downstairs. And then you immediately regretted it.

There was loud screaming coming from the kitchen and the sound of crying. You sighed and walked into the kitchen, you mood worsening when you saw your little sister crying. You hated seeing her cry, she was a wholesome child and you would never allow her childhood to be ruined because the to two people yelling.

"Enough!" You yelled, gaining the attention of all three present. "What is going on?"

"This nuisance spilled her juice all over me!" Your grandma yelled, throwing her hands into the air.

"She's just a kid! It was an accident and she even apologized! Why are you being so mean!?" Your mother yelled back.

"Ever since you adopted this child shes been nothing but a pest! Always leeching off of us-"

"I said ENOUGH!" You had enough of their shit. Walking up to your crying sister, you gave her a hug and picked her up so she was secure around your hip.

"Grandma, I love you. But that's no way to speak to her. She apologized so you dont need to start yelling such things." You said calmly, controlling your temper.

"Now both of you break it up," you looked at the two women who eventually went their separate ways, muttering under their breathes.

"Hey princess, are you okay?" You asked your little 6 year old sister whole wiping her tears away.

She nodded and rubbed her eyes. "I'm okay, did grandma mean it?" She asked sadly.

"No of course not, she may not show it but she loves you baby. Don't worry okay? Now you go play in your room alright?" You told her, setting her down.

"Okay unnie, I love you," she said, kissing your cheek before running upstairs.

You smiled and grabbed your bag once again, deciding to just grab some juice and skip breakfast for today.

"I'm leaving!" You yelled before walking out the front door. Seeing your neighbor Mr.Bang, you waved hi. Mr.Bang was a nice and jolly old man who lived by himself.

You walked to the bus terminal and sat down waiting for your best friend. After a few minutes she ran up to you.

"Hey Y/N!" She chirped happily, a little too happy for your taste.

"Hey Nari, why so happy? Its Monday," you stated, sipping on your juice.

"Because! I just saw this super cute guy on the way here and oh my god we was so good looking like-"

One thing you didn't like about your bestfriend was how crazy she was about boys.

"Girl! This is like the 4th guy this week! The week only started yesterday for crying out loud! How long are you gonna keep doing this to yourself? Guys are a literal WASTE of time. Do something better with your life rather than fawning over guys all the time." You snapped, already tired hearing where this conversation was heading.

"But-" she tried to say but the bus arrived and cut her short. "Come on," you said standing up, walking towards the entrance of the bus.

You were waiting for everyone to get off while you sipped your juice, but of course, someone just HAD to bump into you, spilling your juice all over your hoodie.

"What the hell man!" You screeched. Thankfully you had a tshirt on underneath so you took off your sweater.

You glared at the guy who spilled your drink. "Shit, I'm so sorry I didn't mean to here's a tissue-" he said, fumbling with his bag.

People were now boarding the bus and you had to go. "Watch where you're going next time blondie," you seethed before getting onto the bus, leaving the mysterious boy on the sidewalk.

*time skip to after class*

"Finally! I was growing tired of listening to her talk," you sighed and got up from your seat. Being a business major was such hard work, sometimes you considered just dropping out.

Packing your things up and saying goodbye to your classmates, you walked out the university and sat down in the bench where you and your bestfriend usually met.

After waiting for another 10 minutes, you started to grow impatient.

"Y/N!" The familiar voice yelled as they ran up to you.

"You know Minho, it's rude to keep people waiting." You stated, crossing your arms.

"Were there others waiting here as well?" He asked, catching his breath. "Me Minho, I'm people," you groaned and began walking away.

He just laughed and followed you, throwing an arm around your shoulders. "I'm sorry, I saw this really hot girl and-" you blocked out the rest he was going to say.

You see, Minho was a fuckboy. A player. He's been going from girl to girl, no one ever lasts a week with him. There was no doubt, Minho was definitely cute and he was really smart. But when it came to girls, there was no end to his fanclub. That's what happens when your bestfriends with the son of Lee industries.

Yep, you heard it folks. He's the Lee Minho, heir of Lee industries. How the two of you became friends, you'll never know.

"Whatever I dont care about what you did to get the girl man, just drive me home please!" You pleaded. You just wanted to go home and flop onto your bed for a few years.

Minho just rolled his eyes and nodded. You started talking about random things as he Lead you too his car. He started the engine and drove off.

After talking a bit more he spoke up "Y'know Y/N, don't you think it's about time you got yourself a boyfriend?" He asked you.

You snorted. "Men are a waste of time. Besides I don't need any man but you Min. Why do I need a boyfriend when I have my bestfriend?"

Hearing that made Minho smile as pink busted his cheeks. He was happy you felt that way about him. Although that last line was a bit of a sting. Man just got friendzoned.

Once arriving at your house you said bye to Minho and stepped out of the car, walking to your front porch and turning around to wave at him once more before he drove off.

Walking into your house you kicked off your shoes and trudged upstairs, throwing your dirty hoodie in the hamper beside your closet. You dropped your bag and jumped onto your bed closing your eyes.

You didn't even close your eyes for 30 seconds before you felt someone's weight on you. Groaning, you open your eyes to see your little sister.

"Yunaaa.... what is it?" You whined.

"I wanna go to the park," she said.

"Unnies tired sis, ask mom.." you mumbled.

"Mom had to go to work and there's no way I'm asking grandma," she whined.

You sighed and sat up, the little girl now sitting in your lap instead of crushing your chest.

"Alright, only for a little while. Okay?" You told her and she nodded, jumping up and down.

You grabbed your phone and decided to wear your glasses today cause you were to lazy to put on your contacts.

You held your sisters hand as she happily skipped down the sidewalk beside you. Arriving to the park, Yuna let go of your hand and ran towards the swings. But she, being the clumsy child she is, bumped into someone and scraped her knee. You gasped and ran towards them.

The guy she bumped into bent down and helped her up. He put a bandaid on her cut and helped her up.

"What's your name sweetie?" He asked, grabbing a flower nearby and placing it in her hair, making her giggle.

"Yuna" she said.

"I'm Chan" he said smiling at the little girl.

You put a hand on her shoulder and went to apologize. "I'm so sorry about her clumsiness-" you went to say but he cut you off.

"Hey! You're that girl from the bus terminal!" He exclaimed. You properly looked at him and scowled.

"Oh it's you blondie," you said, picking up your sister and placing her on your hip. "You okay?" You asked her.

"Yeah! Channie oppa made it better!" She giggled.

"Did you thank him?" You asked her. You may not like him but you still had manners.

"Thank you Channie oppa!" She said happily before wiggling out of your arms and running towards the swings.

Now it was just the two of you. You were about to leave when he suddenly spoke up.

"Am I not going to get a thank you?" He asked.

"Why would I?" you scoffed. "Call us even for that time you spilt my drink all over me"

You began to walk away when he yelled. "Nice meeting you glasses!" You just rolled your eyes.

-The next day-

You didn't have a class today and you couldn't me happier. After doing assignments and listening for so long you needed a break.

You were eating a snack while texting Minho when someone rang your doorbell. You looked at the door with furrowed, who decides to visit at 10am??

You walked towards the door to see your mother with Yuna in front of her. You glanced at them before opening the door.

There stood Blondie.

"Oh! Pleasure seeing you again." He said to you before looking at your mom.

"Hi Miss! My uncle asked me to bring you this dish," he said, showing you guys the dish.

"And you are?" She asked.

"Oh right! I'm Chan, I'm from Australia and I'm Mr.Bangs nephew." He stated while smiling.

"Its a pleasure to meet you Chan, thank you for the dish. And please, call me Nina." You cringed when your mom told him her first name

He smiled "What a beautiful name for a beautiful woman." Looking down, he saw Yuna and gasped.

"Yuna my favorite girl!" He exclaimed, crouching to give her a hug which she gladly returned. You just rolled your eyes and continued to stare at him angrily.

You weren't sure why but he was getting on your nerves. "Ah right! What brings you here all the way from Australia? Important businesses?" Your mom asked.

"Ah no, I'm here to visit someone important to me. And maybe get married," He said happily.

"Ah really!?" Your moms eyes widened.

"That being said, Nina I want to marry your daughter!" He exclaimed. What???

"Excuse me?" You scowled.

"I wasn't talking to you glasses I was talking to little Yuna over here. Yuna will you marry me?" He exclaimed dramatically. Yuna giggled and shook her head.

"No!" "No!" Both you and Yuna yelled at the same time.

"Quick question Nina, is she in a bad mood or was she born this way?" Chan asked you mom, making your anger skyrocket.

"Shes always like this-" you mom said and you whined. "Mom!"

"Hahaha it's okay we can work on it." He said nonchalantly.

"Work on it-?" "Anyways! It was nice meeting you all, I'll see you at 8 o clock!" Chan said.

"8 o clock?" Your mom questioned.

"For dinner! At your place. I'm you're new neighbor, obviously you'll invite to show your hospitality... won't you?" He asked looking hopeful.

"Okay..." your mom said.

"Also, glasses over here might be a bit angry with you when I go. Apologies for that! Bye now!" He gave Nina the dish and walked off.

What just happened?

[natemxre]

Escape the Motherloving Nightmare - Part 11

Tag List: @undocumented-terriaki @risiskifi @virge-of-death @legit-humantm @shay-untitled @uraeus56 @supersepticsteph @margarita-is-the-answer @derisiveharridan @brookeisanerd @reeeeeaaper @aquilacalvitium @bokunobandicoot @authordrive @squishy-anon @imnotcameraready

‘The redhead is a stranger, but the blond is a face I know all too well. More deadly than a cobra, or the most fatale of femmes, but how to tell the kid? How to sum up a toxic tango of two decades, locked in a fight with this twisted son of a bitch who-’

“You’re doing it again.”

Mare’s voice is rough, the kid leaning against a pillar, arms crossed and head partially bowed. He feels as though he ran through Hellfire and by rights he probably ought not to be pushing himself, but Abe stinks, this place sucks, and close contact is not something he really wants right now.

In their bid to escape the strange green fog, the pair had hurried into the first unlocked building they could find, leading them into this swanky, if somewhat empty lounge, dressed up like some 70s love nest that swingers would go crazy for. Funky furniture, lots of pillars, and a hideous orange color palette that’s probably going to burn their eyes from their skulls.

Abe stands a short distance away, blinking in confusion, before closing his eyes and sighing as he tries not to sway in place.

“Give me a break, I’m very drunk.”

In the middle of the room stand two strangers and if Abe’s rambling means anything, he knows at least one of them. They certainly don’t look like friends, one of blondie’s hands wrapped around the redhead’s throat, barely holding him up so his toes are only just brushing against the carpet. Blondie looks surprised but the redhead is somehow grinning,.

Joey, the Savant, stares in shock at these party crashers, before scowling and turning to the Rengade.

“What is he doing here?” his free hand comes up to gesture towards the detective.

“He was with Dirk when I-!” The rest of the answer is choked away as the fingers around Shane’s windpipe tighten.

“So you kept him on set?!”

Mare raises an eyebrow curiously. “Set? Is this some kind of show?”

“Well actu-” Shane coughs and splutters as Joey raises him higher before slamming him onto the ground with the kind of strength you wouldn’t expect to be in such a skinny guy.

The blond gives a gutteral scream as he boots the Renegade in the chest, flooring him. A moment later, a short calming breath and Joey stands, straightening himself out, brushing invisible dust from his Victorian jacket as he turns with a grin, pinning the detective with a sly smile.

“Hello Abe-y.”

“Graceless.” Abe responds with a curt nod, scowling. “Sorry to crash your murder game. Except I’m not, because now I’ve got you.”

“Oh please.” Joey’s laugh is dry, cold, and emotionless, bringing his fingers to his mouth as though pretending to hide his humour at the detective’s stupidity, “You’ve got nothing.”

“Where is he?”

There’s a flash of knowing in the Savant’s eyes, and a smirk with all the innocence of a flasher caught with his pants down. “Wouldn’t you like to kno-”

“Bored now.” Mare cuts across him, not caring in the least that Joey is clearly pissed at the interruption. It’s bad enough dealing with one drunken dramatic asshole. Throwing in an overacting douchebag will get them exactly nowhere fast. “Abe, who is this jackass?”

“Joseph Graceffa AKA Graceless.” Abe steps forward, slowly pacing directly between the kid and the maniac, his subtle attempt at trying to protect the ghost not going unnoticed by the Savant who raises his eyebrows curiously. “The linch pin at the center of my life’s work. The Unsolvable Case. Not a shred of evidence, just a list of missing persons, two traumatised survivors, and him.” he stops, finger raising to point at Joey, “Partner said I was chasing ghosts, wasting time on a crime that was already going cold. Until he went missing.”

Joey smiles. Oh he remembers that! It feels so long ago now. A lot more slapdash, many hiccoughs, and almost caught out by two of the players. But it’s so easy to rig the game in your favour when you’re pulling the right strings. Such a shame, they didn’t make it!

“Was that the Disco Dancer or the District Attorney?” The Savant absent-mindedly taps his chin in thought, delighting in the little frown lines as Abe scowls at him again. Joey chuckles and shrugs. “They all start to blur together after a while.”

“All…?” Mare glances to the detective. Back in the bar, Abe had mentioned going through a lot of partners, all of them missing, he’d said, but if Mare is following this correctly then, “...You killed them.”

“Dirk’s a good kid, Graceless.” Abe has stopped pacing, standing face on to the murderer. “He doesn’t deserve this. None of them did.”

“You know actually, I am glad you’re here,” Joey’s eyes steel, pinning the detective, yet somehow Abe doesn’t flinch, with an unnerving and creepy gaze. It’s almost like he’s proud of the pain they can all see on the detective’s face. “This time, I can make you watch.”

The death-stenched air in the Divine Lounge suddenly drops, breath turning to vapor in the air while the lights overhead flicker wildly. Long creepy shadows are thrown across the carpeted floor as Abe shouts but Mare’s already gone from behind him, reappearing behind Joey. Less than a second to react, the ghost’s icy hand plunges into the Savant’s chest, grabbing whatever is in there – because he knows it’s not a heart – and squeezing.

“Don’t!” Abe is reaching for him, smart enough to keep his distance, honestly afraid as a rage that’s starting to get a little too familiar burns in the kid’s eyes.

Mare doesn’t notice, his entire focus zeroed in on the weakening pulse beneath his fingers. Murderer! Monster! People like him – like Afton – deserve everything coming to them, but since the universe seems to be late with the karmic payout, he’ll gladly pay the bill.

“Kid, stop!”

The Savant stands in place, arms raised, eyes wide, mouth open. His lungs are spasming, desperate to draw in some air, but frozen in place as he feels his chest shrinking. Mare hopes he can feel it, every gasp, every twitch. He hopes it hurts!

“I can end this.” Mare voice is a good deal calmer than he is, steady and even.

“Not like this!” Abe shouts, but Mare barely seems to hear him, “What about your friend?”

The rage falters.

Mad….

“Your friend,” Abe notices the pause and takes his chance, gesturing vaguely towards ‘outside’, “he’s still out there. Dirk too. We find them, we get out of here. That’s how we beat this bastard.”

The seconds draw out before Mare slowly withdraws. As his hand comes free, the murderer collapses into a heap, chest heaving, gasping for breath. The ghost stands over him radiating an ineffable strength that Abe hadn’t noticed before.

“I see you again, I’m breaking your neck.” Mare’s voice is low and grumbly as he steps over the pile of murderer on the floor and heads towards the door. Who knows, maybe the fog won’t melt Abe’s lungs like acid. The detective pauses, glancing towards Joey, stopping only to flip him off before slowly making his way after the kid.

They leave the Savant and the Renegade, on the floor, both gasping for breath. One clutching his chest, the other holding his neck, both silent in shock for a good several minutes.

It’s the Renegade who finally breaks the silence with a smirk.

“I like that kid.”

[believerindaydreams]

noir at high noon: twelve snippets in a life

susan’s POV. a little snippet of post-canon, among other things.

4. I knew Angel Eyes was trouble. That's why I went to find him.

You'd think it'd cost me something: money, self-respect, time at least. Enough to make my search sound difficult, when the truth is it took me two days and no trouble at all to make the connection I needed. Why not?

By then, I'd already lost the only thing that ever made my life worth a damn.

1. "Some day, I'll steal a car so fast it'll make you puke when I drive it."

My brother, aged six and a half. Even back then Charlie was already a handful, running wild in the streets, snatching wallets and peeking up skirts. He never did get any better.

I loved him, but I knew better than to dote. If he'd died on his own terms, bit through by exotic fish and drowning in tidal surf, or crashing over a cliff with a harem of screaming blondes, I could have taken any kind of crazy exit. It was his life to lose.

But my husband cheated him of that bright and burning death, gave him a two-bit piece of nothing in a back alley; and I wasn't going to stand for that.

5. "You're not one of the regulars here," Angel Eyes said to me, puffing smoke from his pipe like Alice's caterpillar. "I'd know you if you were. Which one did you bribe for that apron?"

"Cindy. She thanked me for it, she says she was glad for a day to look after her sick kid."

"She should have told me. I'd have arranged help." His dark eyes bored into mine, more remorselessly than any bullet; that would have brought relief and he wasn't going to promise any. "If it's a job, you take that up with Rose. I don't do house calls."

"I don't want you to kill my husband."

"No?"

"I want you to teach me how to do it." I took the knife out of the pink ruffled pocket. Charlie's knife, still encrusted with his own blood from when they'd given it to me. "So I can do it myself."

"...open the blade, stab, keep stabbing until either you're dead or he is. Easy enough if you don't care about getting caught."

"I want to know how to do it right."

Ask Angel Eyes, why that impressed him.

I'm content enough that it did.

2. "Listen," my sister said. "You need to learn this, if you're going to catch a husband some day."

Charlie and me and Daphne. All caught in each other's webs, all hating each other for the traps we lived by. "I won't be like you. I'll never be."

"You think putting on airs will bring you anything but misery? Shut up and listen."

Every afternoon for years, she drilled me until I could have run that bakery better than she did herself. How you bake pies, doughnuts, cakes, every kind of fat that ever broke a man's heart. Don't ever overcook a flan. Use a light hand with the salt, a little goes a long way.

She'd fought her way to a kind of stalemate with life after mother dropped off the map, flirted hard and married young. Looks like mine, smarts like mine, and she'd settled for a man who wanted nothing more out of life than his slippers and a newspaper.

If my husband had nothing else to recommend him, at least he had a hell of a lot more nerve.

5. "Hmm. So you did show up."

The second time we met at that diner, not the first; Angel Eyes told me to go home and think hard before I saw him again. I think he knew already that I'd never second-guess myself; but the man takes pride in his small courtesies. Frees him up for the grosser breaches, I suppose, he's far from the only one who believes in that. My husband for instance.

"As you can see." Not thank you, not, I'm so grateful. Not until he gave me something worth a pleasantry.

"End of shift, I imagine you're hungry. I ordered enough for two," Angel Eyes said. Pushed over a bowl heaped with piping hot chili, my favourite. He hadn't wasted any time checking up on me, to be sure. "We can eat and talk business."

"Fine." I crumbled in dry crackers, picked up my spoon.

"Stop."

Anyone else, they'd have grabbed my hand, seized my wrist, restrained me. All he did was steal my spoon.

Dipped it in the chili. Out came the expected redness, tomatoes and beans, violated by a blue speck that had no business being in there at all.

"This is what you're going to have to think about constantly, if you take this on. No movement anyone makes towards you will be safe. Ever again."

"Trust me, that's my life already." Not in the shape of pills, but expecting an undercover cop behind every stranger's face, listening to sirens and thinking they were coming for me. My bargain with the devil hadn't brought me enough pleasure for the pain. I wanted some of my own back.  

He put the capsule on his own plate, burst it open with the tip of his knife. Took a bite of mushroom and steak and blue liquid, while I watched.

"Nothing more than food colouring. That's the second thing you're to know-- if I teach you; I'm never going to hurt you unless you expect it. You'll learn to face unexpected violence on your own terms, then you'll understand it." He handed back the spoon.

It wasn't what I was asking for. It was what I needed; and I had the sense to recognise that much.

"...so I'm to trust no one except possibly you?"

"Put in those terms, that's the same contract I was given."

"Agreed." I took my long-awaited bite. "You know, though, I might have spat it out anyway. This chili's not nearly as good as anything I could make."

"Remind me to bore you with my soup recipes sometime," Angel Eyes said, with all of an enthusiast's sincerely idiotic pleasure.

Looking back, he was going off-script right from the start.

7. "I suppose he's training you up, the same way he did me," I said to Manco.

He had a hideous way of biting into oranges, tearing away the rind with his teeth. Not an appealing habit for a man who cared so much how he looked and sounded. I'd never seen such concern for appearance before, paired to indifference such as that.

"Maybe not so much," Manco said, dropping peel into the trash. "I'll tell you honestly, Susan, it's- let's say I stumbled into this ass over tea kettle. I'm not good enough for it. I'll get myself killed if I push my luck any further."

"Why tell me? Angel Eyes is the one who ought to know."

"He's got more going for him than any man I've ever met," Manco said, shoving his face into the orange. Messy as hell. "I might be more afraid of disappointing him than dying, I don't even know."

Which is what I told Angel Eyes, when Manco up and fled on us the first time.

Seemed to help a little.

8. "Why can't you call him Angel Eyes like everybody else?"

"I do sometimes," Tuco said, yanking his feet up on the kitchen stool. Pulled himself close, arms wrapped around his knees, that's a dirty habit. Means more cleanup for me afterwards. "Didn't he say you were from Mexico City?"

"I was partly brought up there, yes." There and a lot of other places, but Mexico had been better than some; scant dollars had stretched a little further that side of the border. "What's that to do with it?"

"Then you should know about nicknames, it happens a lot. Something you do to people you-"

he stopped himself then, with a gulp. "Sorry. Sorry. I know you don't like me."

"You're fickle. I thought you were partnered with Blondie, why didn't you run off with him?"

"Maybe he thought I loved Angel too much to come along. I don't know I like it either, Susan, I'm scared. I miss Blondie. It feels like everything's spinning out of control."

"...look, why are you even in my kitchen?"

"That was a nice chili you made for lunch, only it was way too hot for me to eat and I'm starving, can I please have something else?"

All in a rush, like his hunger was what mattered here; when the thing he'd just completely passed over, taking it for granted, was that he could talk about love for Angel Eyes like it was an assured and settled thing. For an assassin. For the worst man I'd ever met, in terms of pounds of flesh and lives taken.

I knew my reasons for being there. He didn't seem to have a single one for staying in our house of death; and yet he was anyway, sunshine and Spanish and all.

So I fixed him up with a plate of warmed-over lasagna and retired to ponder, what the hell kind of universe spawned innocents like that.

9. "You'll be back, Angel Eyes."

"Not this time, I don't think." He ran the cleaner through his pipe, one last smoke before bed. One last smoke before he left, in short. "If nothing else, it'd be a shame to waste the effort. I haven't prepared my death in so much detail to pop back to life any time soon."

"But a priory? You'll be pacing the walls inside of six weeks."

"I'm doing that regardless, Susan." Pipe clean, he put it back on the stand; frowned at it reluctantly. "Suppose I'd better leave that. Rose will know damned well I faked it, if my favourite pipe goes missing the same time I do."

"I'll keep it as a souvenir. If it's safe enough, I'll see about sending it to you later."

"You're very practical, Susan," he said. Nearly grateful. "All these years, I've talked and you've listened. Listened better than I ever did."

"I won't ever make half the assassin you are."

"Maybe you'll be something better- I don't know, Susan. Alma taught me how to live, but those two have given me something to live for. Sentimental bastards- for the life of me," Angel Eyes said, picking up his hat. "I could not tell you whether I hope you'll find the same one day, or that you'll never get within fifty miles of this kind of hope."

"I had that and decided it wasn't worth it, remember? You'd better be sure about these two."

"Enough to take the risk."

"Good luck. But I'm not selling the house, all the same."

6. This is the last thing my husband said to me. "Honey, what's for dessert?"

I let him have the first spoonful of berry crumble, piping hot and perfect. Then he died.

That's all there is to say about that.

10. The hacienda was very quiet after that.

I shut it up. Stayed in my own place, the small apartment I'd paid for with my first year's wages. The kitchen wasn't so much, and the oven unreliable, but it sufficed; I had more important notions in mind.

My husband taken care of, I turned my attention to the system that'd let him flourish. Rose had kept a tight grip on his empire for years, but with Baker in jail, with his best assassin off the radar, there were signs of slippage. 

He was on the lookout for traitors, of course, informers and whistleblowers. G-Men. Any kind of man who might want to seize what he had, and turn it to account for money or repute or a drive for justice.

What he wasn't looking for was me.

Just wanting to burn it all down. 

11. Next time I saw Angel Eyes, it was another restaurant. Wrong side of the border, the chili still wasn't any good, and I didn't bother to ask who was picking up the check.

One of the boyfriends was slumped against his shoulder, the other was swigging orange juice like vodka. Angel Eyes spread his hands wide.

"I think you should know. I was always far more of a disaster than I let on."

"Uh huh," I said, not batting an eye as I reloaded the gun. "It figures, you hopeful maniac. These two treated you all right?"

"No. Yes. It's a bit past that point, Susan," Angel Eyes said, his face lined with exhaustion and pleasure. "I'm in love. The rest doesn't matter."

Like I said, he went off-script. Anything might have happened to the trio after that night.

(Even if I did know, I'm not telling you.)

3. “You’re pretty.”

“Sure.”

“You cook well?”

“Sure.”

“Ever dream of being a mobster’s moll?”

That’s all my husband had to say, to net me. I’m not sorry.

12. I still don't have anything that makes my life worth a damn. Not like Angel.

That's okay, though.

Before I'm done with Rose, a whole lot of other people are gonna feel just like me...

[classic-rock-roller]

1. You and Kevin are trying to teach Mal how to swim. He’s nervous of the water and won’t go in with you. Kevin picks him up and says, “I got this.” He picks Mal up, and tosses him into the water. “Swim bitch!” “Kevin! What the hell?” “What, that’s how I had to learn!” How do you respond?

“Still Kevin, that’s not how you teach a kid to swim. That’s how you scar them for life.”

2. Your band is getting back on the bus after doing a meet and greet with fans. It was exhausting, but you love meet and greets. You all get onto the bus and Daryl collapses onto his bunk before saying, “Good God I hate fans. They’re the worst.” How do you and the others respond?

Me: “You realize they are the reasons we can do this right? Without fans, we wouldn’t be here.”

Bonham: “Yes Daryl, get your head out of your ass.”

Erik: “But...his head isn’t in his ass.”

Linus: “Jeez Daryl, how rude can you get. I wouldn’t want to be your fan.”

3. You and Bonham are super close friends and are known as the second generation of the Terror Twins. Lots of your fans think you’re together and/or ship you, so much so that you’re both asked about it in interviews, but separately from each other. How do you two respond respectively?

Me: “I’ve known Bonham for a very long time and she is my other half. She’s like a sister, and she’s my work wife.”

Bonham: “I’m very close with BabyCarrot. We’ve been friends for years. Together we’re the Terror Twins and apart we’re both the Micc. There’s no in between.  

4. Randy was killed a couple of weeks ago in a plane crash, and it’s got Bonham in a funk. Your band has an interview scheduled, and when there the interviewer asks, “So Bonham, we heard about what happened to Randy, how do you feel about what happened?” Bonham just answers, “It should have been me, no question. He’s–sorry, he was– a better musician, a better person, and a better inspiration. He should be the one that gets to do what he loves. It should have been me.” How do the interviewer and the rest of you respond?

The interviewer would kind of regret asking.

I’d hug Bonham and whisper, “I’m so, so, so, sorry. I wish I could take this heartbreak from you.”

Linus, Daryl, and Erik would hug her too but not say anything.

5. Kevin and Randy were fucking around and long story short, now there’s a hole in your ceiling. You ask Bonham to fix it while you and Kevin are out one day. He’s worrying all day that she won’t get it done, but when you get home she’s just finishing up. “Wow Bonham, I didn’t think you could fix that.” he says. “What’d you think I was going to do, Kevin? Have some faith, jeez.” she says. How do you respond?

“Of course she was going to fix it. Faster than you would have too. You would have kept putting it off.”

6. You and Kevin and Randy are doing a road trip, and you end up in Colorado for a night. You’ve pulled off the highway to get gas when Randy says, “Hey pull over, that bar says they have live music, let’s go.” Kevin pulls off the road and into the parking lot and you all go into the tiniest bar you’ve ever seen. You get in and there’s not even a stage, there’s just an area where tables were moved and there are 3 people playing Nights in White Satin; a guy singing and playing an electric guitar, a Vietnam Veteran singing backup and playing acoustic, and a significantly younger woman on sax. You sit in and listen as they play Lodi, Country Roads, and The Green, Green Grass of Home. Kevin says, “These guys are a little ragtag,but I’m glad we stopped. Thanks, Randy.” Randy’s not listening. He’s watching them finish up Lodi and says, “I have to talk to that sax player.” After they finish Lodi, they all go to the smoking section on the porch. Kevin says, “Come on, I’m gonna go talk to them.” You all go out there, and Kevin wastes no time. “You guys sounded great, what’s your group called?” You join him, and you’re all having a great conversation. Eventually, the sax player says, “Y’all are great, but who’s Blondie over there? Come on sunshine, we don’t bite.” How does everyone respond?

I pull Randy up and go, “Oh this is Randy Rhoads. He’s a phenomenal guitarist in the band Quiet Riot.”

Kevin: “Which I’m in as well by the way. I’m the singer.”

Randy would just blush and not look the sax player in the eye, “H..hi.”

7. Bonham’s been acting differently ever since you got back from your first tour. You ask if she’s on drugs, and she just says, “Nah, man, don’t worry about it.” You take her word for it and roll with it until Randy’s over at yours and Kevin’s house one day. “I found tons of coke and acid in Bonham’s stuff and I just don’t know what to do.” You’re hurt that she lied right to your face. How do you respond and how do the three of you proceed?

“What?! We promised each other we’d never do it. Did I do something to make her want to do drugs?”

Kevin and Randy would both have to calm me down and then we’d go about the best way of approaching the subject with her.

8. You’re on your way home from your first date with those cool guys from that band QR. You and Bonham are in the back, Kevin is driving and Randy is in the passenger seat. There’s a lull in conversation before Kevin quietly says, “Do the thing.” Randy giggles and says, “Okay.” He rolls down the window, leans out, then shouts as loud as he can, “Fuck me in the ass cause I love Jesus!” He and Kevin are laughing their asses off, and Bonham’s starting to laugh out of the sheer randomness of it. How do you respond?

I give this weird look and whisper under my breath, “Ok, but what the actual fuck?” Before I’d kind of just sit there awkwardly with no idea what to do.

9. Bonham calls you one day at a ridiculously late hour, “Get here, now. We’re at 72nd and Kipling.” When you and Kevin get there, you see that someone’s keyed both Bonham’s and Randy’s cars. Randy’s bears the word fag, and Bonham’s says fag hag. How do the four of you proceed?

Me: “Why are people like this? It fucking pisses me off.”

Bonham: “Calm down, I’m pissed too but that won’t solve anything.”

Kevin: “And I don’t want to have to bail you out of jail again.”

10. You’re auditioning bass players since Jess left, and one of them comes in and is beyond awful. You tell him to leave and he comes up to the table you and Bonham are at. “Come on please, I need this gig.” He looks around for a second before grabbing your thigh. “20 bucks and I’ll make you see heaven. And you give me the gig.” How do you and Bonham respond?

Me: “While I am flattered and a little creeped out, I have a wonderful boyfriend at home who already makes me see heaven.”

Bonham: “Ew, I don’t need to hear that and I’m sorry buddy but no sexual favors will get you anywhere with us we both have boyfriends we’re happy with. So I suggest you be on your way.”

11. You and Kevin are walking on the street one day when you see a young woman wearing a Quiet Riot shirt, but it looks weird. You end up in line behind her at the crepe stand, and see that it was one that Kevin and Randy signed, and she cut it into a crop top. Kevin’s upset and says to her, “you can’t just do that!” The girl says, “I can do whatever I want, it’s just a shirt with signatures from a couple of nobodies. I got it from my dad anyway.” How do you and Kevin respond?

Me: Oh my god, I think I’m having an aneuysm.

Kevin: Hey! Randy and I aren’t nobodies!

--------------------

1) You are telling your singer that you are pregnant and tell her not to tell anyone else in the band. Daryl has overheard and says, “I will keep it a secret only if its a boy you name him Daryl. Someone has to carry on my family name.” Your singer gives him a weird look, “Daryl, your family name is Skraps.” How do you and Daryl respond?

2) You’ve met your singer’s cousin a few times and you don’t like him at all. Every time you have met him, it’s just been when he’s gone to his dad for money. One day, you come back to you and your singer’s apartment to find her screaming at her cousin about how he’s been treating her family. The next thing you know, he slaps her across the face hard enough for her to stagger and says, “Never talk to me that way again.” Your singer gets back up and glares at him with tears in her eyes. How do you respond?

3) The GNR tour is in full swing and so far it’s been good. Kevin hasn’t killed Axl yet and the bands are being civil. One night, you’re in your singer’s hometown and her sister is backstage to support you guys. Axl screams to the crowd, “Good night everyone! That’s it! Now it’s time for the sucky band!” as he walks off. You and your singer are glaring at him as he comes off and her sister is giving him the fuck you look. “Good luck,” he says to you and then turns to your singer’s sister, “Hello there sweetheart.” How do you, your singer, and her sister respond?

4) You have decided to do the collaboration album with Crue and it’s the first day there. You can tell your singer is really nervous to see Nikki but the minute he comes in he pulls her into a hug and says, “I am so, so, so sorry for what I did to you. It was a bad time I was high on drugs and thought it was a good idea. I’m clean now and ok. I just wanted to apologize to you, Bonham, and Kevin.” How do you, your singer, and Kevin respond?

5) Randy and Kevin are over at you and your singer’s apartment. You have a cat named Nikki and he’s having his “crazy time” at the moment. Randy and Kevin can hear it and go, “What is that?” Your singer looks up and goes, “Oh that’s Nikki having his crazy time.” Kevin looks offended and goes, “What?! You didn’t name your cat after me but Nikki Sixx instead!” How do you, your singer, and Randy respond?

6)  Your sleeping in bed one night when you feel something around your neck. You wake up to feel Randy’s hands around your neck and he’s choking you. He’s doing it in his sleep and you scream at him, “Randy! Randy, wake up!” He does and immediately lets you go, “Oh my god! I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” He puts his head in his hands before saying, “I could have seriously hurt you and the baby.” How do you respond?

7) During your GNR tour, you have Mal, Will, and Jeremy backstage one night. They all have earmuffs on to protect their hearing. Axl comes offstage while you and your singer are near the boys playpen talking. Axl picks up your singer’s son, Mal, and says, “Hello Tiny Satan.” He then goes to you two, “What’s so appealing about a baby? All they do is eat, sleep, and shit.” He then pretends to drop Mal. How do you and your singer respond?

8) One day, your singer wakes up super early and comes out into the living room where you, Kevin, and Randy are. She’s extremely chipper and when Randy asks, “Why are you so chipper at 7:30 in the morning?” She gets this huge grin and screams at the top of her lungs, “SUNDAY ADVENTURE!” Before running back to her room to get changed. How do you, Randy, and Kevin respond?

9) Your tour with GNR has landed in your hometown and you’re walking out of the arena. There are people lined up on either side to get your autographs and screaming at your singer because you’re technically their “home band.” When GNR comes out, someone lobs a beer bottle at Axl and screams, “That’s for dissing our home band.” How do you, Randy, Kevin, and your singer respond?

10) You and your singer are swimming with your kids. Mal, Will, and Jeremy know how to swim but your singer’s son Edward doesn’t. He’s on a shallow ledge in her uncle’s pool that drops off to three feet. At one point you hear Will scream, “Eddie!” And your singer goes and plucks him out from the water. He fell in but wasn’t in for too long. She takes him out to make sure he’s ok and her great aunt goes, “Oh he’s fine. That’s how all my kids learned how to swim.” How do you and your singer respond?

11) You, your singer, Kevin, and Randy go back to your singer’s hometown for Musikfest and bring all the kids along. You’re having a good time in the kids’ section when Kevin says, “This is still fun, but it’s less fun with kids. You can’t get drunk.” Your singer goes, “We can always drop the kids off at my parents place and come back. They’d love to watch the kids.” How do you and Randy respond and what happens after you go back without the kids?  

@osbournebemydaddy  your move Bonham love 

[love-killed-the-superstar]

IT’S HERE!!! SOME DOMESTIC IRMA/CORNELIA GOODNESS TO HEAL YOUR SOULS, HAPPY FEMSLASH FEBRUARY

Title: The Frying Pan Conversation Pairing: Cornelia/Irma Chapter: 1 - road trips and stars Summary: “What, you mean you can't just up and introduce me as your banging girlfriend?” “No, Irma,” Cornelia said through gritted teeth, gripping the steering wheel tightly. “Because up until today they think I've been dating an aspiring future botanist from State U, not the girl who once snorted orange juice out of her nose during a Boy Comet marathon.” (Cornelia and Irma spend Christmas with the Hales.)

Read on AO3: http://archiveofourown.org/works/13743063/chapters/31578714

Irma stared out of the window groggily as Cornelia took her sweet time loading two large suitcases and a handbag into the back of the car. She'd taken the liberty of shoving everything she needed into her signature teal suitcase and a tote bag with a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles design on it, since it was to be expected that Cornelia would be bringing home so much junk for a two-week period.

A rapping of knuckles against the glass dragged her out of her daze, and she rolled down the window.

“Morning, Corny,” she drawled, rubbing one eye sleepily. “I've been driving since six and without the sweet remedy of coffee, so you'll have to take over until we hit the next pit stop.”

“As someone who had the sensibility to prepare coffee beforehand, I'll rise to that challenge,” Cornelia said with a smirk, tucking a strand of hair behind one ear. She leaned down, planted a wet one smack in the middle of Irma's forehead, then yanked on the door handle. “Now get out so we can swap over.”

“Only because that was the darned cutest wake up call ever,” Irma agreed with a yawn, stepping out of the car and into Cornelia's arms. Her girlfriend was ready for the Heatherfield winter, in a moss green shawl and mulberry-coloured dirndl skirt. Her cute winter ankle boots, cuffed with faux fur the colour of soot, added an extra two inches, leaving Irma squinting up at her in bemusement. “Are you ever not wearing earth tones? And how am I supposed to kiss you back when I'm at eye level with your boobs?”

“You're creative, you'll figure something out,” Cornelia said lightly, far too chipper for so early in the morning. She spun Irma around, effectively taking her place beside the car, and plopped down in the driver's seat. Irma climbed onto her lap immediately despite protests.

“You're right, I did. I can finally get to your face.” Irma pulled her into a kiss, as messy as it was sleep-deprived, and grinned as she pulled back. “Course, I could have just kissed your tits instead.”

“Through this shawl?” Cornelia raised her eyebrows. “Nice try. It's cashmere.”

“Well, cash it in for some sweet Irma kisses, because they're incoming.” She puckered her lips for effect, and Cornelia hastily clapped a hand over her mouth. In the ongoing struggle, Irma's butt cheek leaned against the wheel, honking the horn twice before Cornelia forcibly pushed her into the passenger seat, giggling helplessly.

“Irma! I'm sure my neighbours don't want to be awoken by your butt on the steering wheel,” she chastised, but she was grinning from ear to ear. Irma rolled her eyes, still giggling like a fool, and fastened her seatbelt.

“Spoilsport. Anyway, I'm gonna catch some sleep, so no singing along to the alphabet song while I'm snoozing, okay?”

“Where you get the impression that I'd be listening to anything but classical, I'll never know,” Cornelia responded nonchalantly, grabbing her flask of coffee from the cup holder and offering it out to her. “Here, some coffee and a short nap and you'll be right as rain.”

Irma took a swig, spent the next few minutes complaining about Cornelia's shit taste in coffee, and curled up in the passenger seat, insisting on wearing Cornelia's cashmere shawl to snooze in.

“If you drool on it, I'm holding you accountable for dry-cleaning,” she warned, but her tone held no malice and Irma made a point to give it a wet kiss before curling up against the window and drifting off.

…

“Hey, you're getting spit on my shawl.”

Irma was nudged awake with a playful left hook to the chin, and she groaned as light seeped into her vision. The morning sun was already higher in the sky, and making its presence known by proceeding to blind her.

“Ugh, what time is it?” she groaned, shielding her eyes with one hand and wiping at her mouth with the other.

“Half ten. At this rate, we'll make it to my parents' cabin for mid-afternoon.” Cornelia climbed back into the driver's seat and thrust a wrapped sandwich into Irma's face. “Here, I picked you up a breakfast sandwich.”

Irma took in the scent of bacon and egg, and immediately her mouth began to water all over again.

“Oh man! Cornelia, have I ever mentioned what a goddess you are?”

“Once or twice,” she remarked with a smirk, unwrapping her own breakfast bagel. “Mostly after cunnilingus.”

“Cornelia Elizabeth Hale, that mouth!” Irma swatted at her arm playfully, before tucking into her sandwich. She eyed Cornelia's bagel. “You still veggie?”

“Yep,” she said distractedly. “Thinking of going vegan for my new year's resolution, but finding vegan alternatives in service stops seems like a pain.”

“You pansexuals and your crazy dietary choices,” Irma grumbled, an impeccable impression of her father, shaking her head. Cornelia grinned.

“That's a thing?”

“Read it on Twitter.”

“Oh, so you're stereotyping me now?”

“When don't I stereotype you, blondie?” Irma teased with a wink. “You do realise if you go vegan my dad is never gonna cook for you again? He puts cheese and butter in everything.”

“That's fine,” Cornelia said with a shrug. “I'm sure Anna will bend over backwards searching for vegan cookbooks. Chris will hate me for it, but he hates me anyway.”

“It's possible he doesn't hate you,” Irma countered. “He just doesn't like that he has to deal with two annoying big sisters now instead of just one.”

“An understandable dilemma,” Cornelia agreed. She took a few moments to finish her bite of bagel before continuing. “I'm sure it can't be easy knowing his sister's dating the hottest girl in the universe. He'll end up having to settle for less no matter what.”

“Narcissist. Anyway, since I came out my dad and Anna keep trying to land home the point with Chris. Like, 'if you bring a boy home instead of a girl, it's no biggie, okay?' Part of me thinks its endearing, but mostly I'm just offended that Chris is getting an easy ride and not taking full advantage of their newly opened minds.”

“Ah, well, he'd have to have those leanings in the first place to take advantage of them,” Cornelia pointed out, chewing thoughtfully. “And from the looks of things, Chris is as straight as a goal post.”

“I mean, he's thirteen and still thinks girls are gross, so there's hope yet.” Irma shrugged. “What about Lillian? Think she's gonna be psyched that you're dating me?”

“If disappointment could be a more powerful emotion, she'd probably be feeling that?” Cornelia suggested with a grin. “I mean... she got on pretty good with Peter. Who knows what she'll say to know I left Heatherfield's cutest surfer to date... Heatherfield's second cutest surfer.”

Irma balled up her wrapped and threw it at Cornelia with a scoff.

“Rude! And hey, I may not be beach hunk material, but I'm beach chunk, and that's a very attractive quality.”

Cornelia reached over to pinch Irma's cheek playfully.

“That's right. Peter could slice beef with that jawline. I much prefer these chubby cheeks.”

“You mock, but I have many selfies with lipstick-covered cheeks in my evidence locker,” Irma retorted. “You do love these chubby cheeks and I can prove it too!”

Cornelia leaned over and pressed a kiss to the cheek in question.

“You don't need to prove anything,” she replied, an impish grin on her face. Irma's eyes narrowed and she stretched across to kiss Cornelia squarely on the nose.

“Let's just agree that we're both adorable and call a truce. Got any of that disgusting coffee left?”

Cornelia reached into the cup holder and presented a brandless fair trade coffee cup proudly.

“Why waste my coffee on your ruined taste buds when I could just overload you with sugar instead?”

Irma clapped her hands against her cheek with a squeal, before gripping the coffee cup like a life preserve.

“Cornelia, you are an angel among women everywhere, you know that? The best girlfriend a girl could friend! Ellen and Portia who?”

“Your excitement over pit stop coffee is just a little bit sad.”

Irma shot her a glare that soon melted into a grin as she took a gleeful sip.

“You put in three sugars? Corny, now you're just spoiling me!”

“What can I say, I'm a renaissance woman.” She took a sip of her own coffee and buckled herself back in. “I don't mind driving for a bit longer, but we'll switch at lunch time, okay?”

“Dealio. Man, you're the coolest. Did you forget to pack the stick that's normally in your butt?”

“Don't push it, dear, or I'll throw your coffee out of the window.”

As Cornelia pulled out of the parking lot and onto the junction, Irma pulled the shawl a little tighter around her and sipped her coffee. She was gradually feeling like herself again, and not some subhuman creature who'd been stomping around since 5:30 that morning. Cornelia had on some kind of smooth jazz radio station, blasting that good and horny Dionne Warwick song that Cornelia put onto every custom playlist she sent to Irma, and Irma felt the need to shake up the momentum of the car a little. Wordlessly she plugged in her iPod and began switching through tracks.

“Irma!” Cornelia protested. “I was listening to that!”

“You mean you don't want to pop your pussy to Karmilla's latest single?” Irma asked, eyes popping in disbelief. “Man, you'll love her new stuff now she's publicly come out, it's like her entire discography suddenly makes ten times more sense in the context of the metaphysical closet.”

“Karmilla's gay?” Cornelia asked in disbelief. “Since when?”

“Bi,” Irma corrected. “Since like, last March? How is this news to you?”

“Ahh. I don't know, I'm still stuck on Dionne Warwick after all this time.”

“Fair enough. Well my darling Corny, in fifty years when you catch up with contemporary music again, give Karmilla's upcoming album a listen, so far it's really angsty and gay. And also uplifting and gay.” “Sounds like a blast.”

Irma scrolled to Karmilla's latest song, Claim To Closet Fame, and let the first few bars wash over them in a blissful silence.

Then she started wailing about kissing down a woman's chest in a darkroom, and Cornelia grimaced.

“Her passion is a bit scary.”

Irma shrugged.

“Passion is passion, babe.”

“So,” Cornelia said quickly, not wanting to press the issue of their clashing music tastes any further, “this is going to be a very important winter break.”

“Uh huh.” Irma sat up a little straighter. “Our darling Cornelia's ready to jump out of the closet and scare her parents half to death over an awkward dinner where they'll be paranoid she's gonna tell them she's pregnant or dying or flunking her degree instead of just making the frying pan joke over a face-time call and being done with it.”

With a deep sigh through her nose, Cornelia pushed her hair back. “It's not that simple. First is the idea of explaining pansexuality to my parents, who by the way, still think there's only two sexual orientations and being bisexual is a one-foot-out-of-the-closet situation. So brace yourself for that.”

“Noted. Go on.”

“Then we'll have to go through the stages of my parents asking if they did something wrong, if I've been in a toxic relationship, if I'm just confused, and all of that fun stuff. And they'll say, 'Peter is such a nice boy, why would you choose to be gay?' which brings us right on back to point one.”

“So this will be a circular conversation. Understood.”

“And then, finally, we'll tell them that we're in a relationship. But I need them to understand my identity first and foremost, Irma. You can understand.”

Irma shrugged. As far as coming out had gone, being gay and dragging Cornelia along to Heatherfield Pride as her girlfriend had been one and the same, but she got the jist.

“What, you mean you can't just up and introduce me as your banging girlfriend?”

“No, Irma,” Cornelia said through gritted teeth, gripping the steering wheel tightly. “Because up until today they think I've been dating an aspiring future botanist from State U, not the girl who once snorted orange juice out of her nose during a Boy Comet marathon.”

“No fair, that was one time and I was thirteen!” protested Irma, throwing up her hands in disbelief. “You can't hold that over me forever!”

“I don't, but they'll remember because it was my mother's couch that had orange juice stains on that never quite went away,” Cornelia pointed out tiredly. Irma groaned dramatically and flopped back in her seat, hand thrown over her face.

“Are they ever gonna approve of me being your girlfriend?” she grumbled. “I don't fancy marrying into a family that thinks I'm some good-for-nothing slob.”

“Of course they don't think that!” Cornelia said quickly, switching lanes to let a FedEx van pass. “Sure, they probably aren't expecting mystery botanist guy to be... well, you. But once they get over the fact that you're a woman, I'm sure things will settle down! I mean, my mother can be a little critical, but Lillian is just as messy as you, if not worse, and my dad adores her. Besides, he finds your jokes funny.”

“That's because he doesn't know I'm banging his daughter!” Irma exclaimed, huffing. Cornelia blushed a little and rolled her eyes.

“You're being ridiculous. First of all, my parents don't need to know we're having sex.”

“Oh yeah, because that isn't immediately the conclusion they'll jump to when you tell them since we're supposed to be sharing a pull out couch for the trip!”

“We didn't just immediately jump into sex when we got together, if you recall,” Cornelia continued, eyes trained on the road ahead. “I'm sure my parents won't mind us sharing the couch. Besides, I doubt we'd be able to without breaking it, that thing is horribly flimsy.”

“I'm amazed our darling princess Cornelia hasn't protested against the couch more,” Irma remarked, shooting her a playful look. “Remember when we went on vacation together that one summer? We had to force you into a sleeping bag!”

“The guest bedroom only has a single bed, which Lillian is taking, and they weren't expecting us to join them over winter break, so it was the couch either way.”

“Well, when we go on to my place after the first week, we can share my bed. Dad and Anna made me tidy up my room, you'll be pleased to know, and Anna sat me down for a talk about 'being safe, even with a girl'. Which was super fun, by the way.”

Cornelia snorted out a laugh.

“Your cop dad isn't gonna arrest me for propositioning his daughter, is he?”

“Part of him was relieved, actually,” Irma recalled with a gleeful expression. She cleared her throat, doing her best Tom Lair impression. “'I can't say I'm not surprised, but a woman will treat you properly. Men can be animals.' Honest to god, he said that. As if you're the most pristine girl in Heatherfield.”

“He's only relieved because you had such bad taste in men,” Cornelia replied, mouth crinkling upwards mischievously. “I've had the pleasure of getting to know a few gentlemen in my time.”

“Yeah, well, there's a reason I had such bad taste in guys, you know!” Irma retorted. “Every time one would so much as smile at me I got the wrong end of the stick, little did I know.”

“All tall beautiful blondes,” Cornelia mused. Her smile broke out into a grin as bright as the sun outside, and she clasped the wheel with new energy. “My my, Irma Lair, you sure do have a type, don't you?”

Irma blushed to the roots of her hair.

“Oh, come on! This is – this is bullying, harassment, defamation-”

“It's the truth! Remember Andrew Hornby?”

“Oh my god, please don't bring up Andrew Hornby at a time like this.”

Cornelia's eyes twinkled with mischief. “What was it now? You almost exposed yourself as a guardian by sneaking out to a party transformed, wooed Andrew Hornby, and when he tried making a move on you...”

“If you finish this story, I swear to god-”

“That's right! You turned him into a frog!”

Irma, face bright red, butted her head against the window in defeat.

“I'll turn you into a frog if you don't put a sock in it, Corny!”

As their playful bickering continued, Cornelia's phone started to buzz.

“Irma, get that for me,” she ordered, eyes trained on the road.

“Sure, your highness,” Irma drawled, rolling her eyes and reaching for Cornelia's sleek rose gold smartphone. She unlocked it with ease (Irma's birthday, could this girl get any lamer?) and the screen lit up. “Hay Lin's calling.”

“Patch her through, I guess. And put her on speaker!”

Irma swiped and held the phone up, rolling down the window a crack to let some breeze in. The cold was biting, instantly earning a complaint from Cornelia, but it just felt like another authentic piece of Hay Lin that Irma wanted in the car with them at that moment.

“Hey guys! Are you there yet? And is that Karmilla I hear?”

Claim To Closet Fame was on its third loop.

“We still have about four hours to go,” Cornelia supplied, “and Irma, change the damn track already.”

Irma switched it over to the B-side track, Sensual Orientations.

“Hay Lin, I'd just like to announce how hurt I am that you called Cornelia first when I'm your top contact,” Irma declared, hoping her pout could be heard down the phone.

“Irma, I tried your phone but you never picked up!” Hay Lin retorted. There was some shuffling, and her voice sounded slightly further away than before. “Bear with me, I'm moving boxes.”

Irma fished around for her phone, noting the three missed calls with a heavy sigh.

“You're right. I'm just a terrible friend.”

“Nope, you're just terrible at leaving your phone off of silent.”

“Your hidden pink is a weapon; So shoot me into heaven,” sang Karmilla.

“Irma, is this one about sex too?” Cornelia complained.

“Just wait until you get to the pussy rap, Cornelia,” cackled Hay Lin from down the line. “Me and Irma have been practicing in our free time.”

“If we get that far I'll hang up,” Cornelia warned, shaking her head in dismay.

Irma stuck her tongue out, before gleefully turning her attention back to the phone.

“So what's this call about anyway, Hay Lin?”

“I thought you could use a practice model for when you and Cornelia make your big announcement!” Hay Lin chirped. “If Cornelia's parents are as hard to convince as I've been told.”

“When they find out the first thing they'll ask is which one of us is the man in the relationship,” Cornelia deadpanned. Hay Lin burst out laughing.

“Well, of course they're gonna assume it's me,” Irma grumbled, “just because I wear sports bras and read comic books and can burp up to F in the alphabet.”

“Well, hit me with your perfectly crafted coming out speech,” Hay Lin interrupted cheerfully, with a thump as she lowered the boxes. “I'll give you a worst case scenario so you'll feel better!”

“This is never gonna work,” Irma giggled.

“I'm not doing this.”

“Come oooooon,” Hay Lin whinged, and Irma joined in. “Do iiiiit.”

“Fine, fine!” Cornelia exhaled. “Ugh, here goes. Mother, Father, I've been meaning to say this for a while. I'm pansexual. It means that I, that I feel attraction so people regardless of their gender.”

Hay Lin cleared her throat, impersonating Harold Hale to the best of her ability. “Preposterous! Which one's the man and which is the woman, my darling Cornelia?!”

Irma snorted.

“Why would he be asking that if he doesn't know Cornelia's boning me yet?” Irma pointed out.

“Irma!” snapped Cornelia.

“Sorry, sorry,” Hay Lin apologised, undeterred. “Got into the part too much. Let me try again. Ahem. Cornelia, what does this mean? Are you saying you're a... a lesbian?!”

“This is painful,” complained Cornelia. “I refuse to take this any further.”

“So you are a lesbian??”

“Hay Lin!”

“Aw, I'm only teasing,” Hay Lin said cheerily, unapologetic. “They'll be fine once they get past the initial shock of it all. I mean, it's the 21st century! Times are changing! And for all you know, they could be really chill. I mean, my parents used to hate me watching Hell's Kitchen but now they tune into it with me!”

“That's not the same thing and you know it, Hay Lin!” Cornelia snapped. She huffed and took a moment to compose herself. “Anyway, you're probably right. I'm sure things will sort themselves out after the initial shock, and then-”

“Stop, stop!” Irma interrupted suddenly, waving her hand around. Cornelia frowned, eyes darting between her girlfriend and the road ahead.

“What are you-”

“You feel it in your pussy like I feel it in my bones! You investigate my labia like Sherlock Holmes!” chorused Irma and Hay Lin at a deafening volume, as Karmilla began to belt out her rap verse.

“No,” Cornelia snapped. “No, no, we're not doing this, guys, we're not doing this!”

“When you're kissing down my thighs I never felt so high, so do whatever you please, 'cause when I cum I'm gonna fly!”

“ENOUGH!!”

…

The sun was beginning to sink lower in the sky as they pulled up the driveway, not quite sunset yet. After exhausting Karmilla's album Cornelia had switched it to some station playing cheesy 90s hits, which had resulted in a passionate sing-along born out of pure nostalgia for childhood road trips as Irma had taken over the final stretch in the driver's seat.

She awkwardly parked behind Mr Hale's chevy camaro, the speakers blaring out the last few lines of Breakfast At Tiffany's as they sat stationary. Her own car felt a little redundant in comparison.

“Your dad has good taste,” Irma said with a wolf-whistle. “How come he hasn't bought you a car yet?”

“He's waiting for my birthday,” Cornelia said with a shrug. “I told him I was interested in a prius. Mom told him that was too pricey for my first car, of course.”

“You have your dad wrapped around your finger, he'll hand it over to you gift-wrapped.” Irma leaned in for a quick peck on the cheek, and instinctively Cornelia moved away.

“Irma, please,” she said quietly, a sigh just beyond her lips. “We... we have to be careful.”

Irma rolled her eyes and leaned against the steering wheel.

“I know. Just, don't leave it too late, okay? The sooner you rip off the band-aid the better. At least they'll have the whole of Christmas to get over it, y'know?”

Cornelia nodded, reaching across to squeezed Irma's arm.

“Shall we do this?”

“Christmas break with the Hales,” Irma drawled. “Can't wait.”

Cornelia's parents looked poised and stylish as ever when they answered the door, and Harold wasted no time in sweeping Cornelia up into a tight hug while Elizabeth smiled and nodded poliely at Irma.

“Oh, how have you been, sweetheart?” Harold asked, rocking her a little in his arms. “Any trouble getting here? Feeling all right?”

“Dad, I'm fine,” Cornelia insisted, pulling away slowly. “And the journey went smoothly. Irma picked me up on time and we didn't hit any traffic.”

“Good, that's good.” He patted her shoulder as Elizabeth rolled her eyes.

“They're both over twenty now, dear, perfectly capable of getting here in one piece. It's good to see you, Irma. Please allow us to pay you for the fuel, ferrying our daughter over here.”

Irma opened her mouth, but Cornelia cut in quickly.

“Mother, that isn't necessary!”

“Hey, I want some money back if it's up for grabs,” Irma hissed in her ear.

Elizabeth shook her head. “No no, I insist. It's so lovely of you to join us. I was a little worried all of your school friends would be tagging along. We wouldn't have the room, frankly.” Irma glanced at Cornelia.

“They were busy,” Cornelia said quickly. She shifted the suitcase she was holding and Harold instinctively reached for it. “Will and Taranee are studying and Hay Lin's helping her parents.”

“And mystery botanist man couldn't join?” Harold asked with a wink, hoisting the case out of her arms.

Cornelia blushed, refusing to look at Irma, and hurriedly choked out, “No, he could not!”

“Oh Harold, don't tease,” Elizabeth scolded, as he heaved the suitcase inside. “Come inside now, girls, it's chilly out.”

Irma drank in the sight with eyes as wide as saucers. The Hales had a swish set up, the cabin rustic yet elegant, with creams and cornflower blues somehow blending seamlessly with rich reds and golds. It sure beat the beach cabin she and her family visited every summer, that much was for sure. Her dad had a habit of hanging up those dumb singing fish plaques, as opposed to the deer head as a proud centrepiece in the Hales family cabin.

“This place is amazing,” Irma breathed.

“It's something, all right,” Cornelia sighed, a little off put by the hunting trophy herself. “Was that a gift from Uncle Edward, Dad?”

“Sure was! You know what they called me whenever my old man took us hunting? Tree Hugger Harold,” her father said with an awkward chuckle. “Could never bring myself to pull the trigger, myself. He spent a few days here before we made the journey, so we haven't had the chance to take it down yet...”

“Don't take it down, it's cool!” interrupted Lillian, dashing out of the guest bedroom with a scarf in hand. “I want to make him wear this when we decorate!”

“That isn't very tasteful, Lillian,” Elizabeth chastised, but Harold let out a hearty laugh and scooped her up into his arms.

“I suppose he won't have any complaints, will he?”

“You ever heard a disembodied deer head bitch about wearing a snowman scarf?” Irma muttered to Cornelia, who stifled a guffaw behind her hand. She waved hesitantly at Lillian. “Hey there, Lil.”

Lillian gave back a mechanical wave.

“Hi Irma.”

As usual, they had nothing to say to each other. Irma scratched the back of her head awkwardly.

After a beat of awkward silence, Cornelia pulled her over to one side.

“Here, let me take your coat.”

“Your sister is as sociable towards me as always,” Irma joked, shimmying out of her jacket and leaning into Cornelia's touch for a few moments before moving back.

“She's doing that teenager thing where she hates talking to anyone who isn't behind a gaming headset,” Cornelia remarked, hanging the jacket up beside the coats of the other family members. It felt a little like assimilation into the lives of the Hales, and filled Irma with a strange sense of gratitude, even if at the end of the day it only boiled down to them saving a hook for her coat. “Chris must be like that too?”

“Yeah, but he's been that way since he was eight,” pointed out Irma, shaking her head. “Every time I try and worm a conversation out of him he tells me he's busy. You know the PS4 was a gift for both of us?”

Cornelia cracked a grin and pinched Irma's cheek playfully.

“You poor thing. We'll reclaim it when we go to yours, Alchemy mentioned she lent you a few games that I'd enjoy too.”

“Yeah! You like horror, right? There's Until Dawn, Outlast... oh man, and The Evil Within! That one's gory!”

“I don't know about that...”

…

“So, I noticed this place is devoid of decorations,” Irma commented, as they set about laying the table. Dinner was almost ready, and Cornelia's parents were insistent on taking care of the cooking for tonight since they had spent the day driving.

“They have a thing about it being unlucky to decorate unless we're all helping,” Cornelia explained with a sigh, distributing the silverware to each place mat. “We'll start on it tomorrow.”

“Cutting it a little close, don't you think?”

“I wanted to put up the tree days ago but Dad wouldn't let me,” Lillian huffed, sitting herself down and throwing her napkin across her lap before whipping out her phone. She began furiously texting, and Cornelia and Irma exchanged wry smiles.

“I did tell them that they didn't have to wait,” Cornelia said with a shrug, as they took their seats beside one another. “It's not my fault Mom and Dad are superstitious.”

“Wouldn't have pegged them as the type,” Irma remarked. She laced her fingers through Cornelia's, carefully obscured by the tablecloth, and flashed her a cheeky grin. “You don't take after them much, do you, Corny?”

Cornelia squeezed her hand firmly, holding her gaze.

“We lead different lives,” she said simply.

Elizabeth and Harold swept in briskly, setting down dishes of marinated cabbage, roast potatoes and a large portion of roast beef (as if an afterthought, Elizabeth hurriedly brought out a plate of vegetarian sausages for Cornelia). Harold poured everyone a glass of wine, and Irma couldn't help but wonder how Cornelia's parents kept up the gig of acting sophisticated all the time, even in the comfort of their own home.

They murmured a few words of thanks, before plating everyone up.

“So Irma, you're doing a teaching degree?” Elizabeth asked politely, as the family began to tuck in.

“Er, that's right. Not sure what subject I want to teach yet, maybe math or geography...”

“I think that will suit you marvellously,” Harold praised, in between bites of cabbage. “Teachers do far more than set homework, you know. They inspire! They set you upon your life path! Why, if I hadn't had such a passionate math tutor as a young man...”

Irma tuned out, glancing over at Cornelia. They'd gone over her plan multiple times during the drive, to the point where it was practically scripted, but as they sat there munching on potatoes, it became painfully obvious that Cornelia was frozen to the spot, wanting to cling to this moment of her parents' blissful ignorance for as long as she could. It wasn't like she could reach over to hold her hand with Elizabeth watching them both like a hawk, anyway. All she could do at this point was try and push Cornelia in the right direction.

“...and I simply wouldn't be the man I am today if I hadn't followed his advice and gone to the college he'd suggested,” Harold finished with a proud smile.

“Well, the college I'm attending isn't prestigious or anything, but I'm doing pretty well,” Irma said sheepishly, taking a sip of wine. It was dry and bitter, clinging to her tongue like sandpaper.

“That's what counts, my dear. And Cornelia, my sweet girl! How are your classes going? And how is your mystery chap?”

“About that,” Irma began, glancing over at Cornelia nervously.

“Classes are going well,” Cornelia said quickly. “And... he's, um... he's doing well, too.”

Irma gaped at her.

“Well, that's good,” Elizabeth murmured. “Though I do wish you'd tell us more about him. His age? Does he work?”

“We've only been out a few times,” Cornelia said quickly. “There's not much to tell.”

“Is he a good kisser?” Lillian piped up with a sly grin.

“Lillian!” Cornelia snapped.

“Well, talking to you about your boyfriend is like pulling teeth!”

“Stop arguing, you two!”

As the bickering continued, both parents intervening, Irma miserably chewed through her food, knowing the topic wouldn't be broached tonight.

…

After the plates had been cleared and Lillian had retreated to her room, Irma and Cornelia took to sitting out on the porch, staring up at the stars that were so much clearer than from the Heatherfield cityscape. It was freezing out there, their breath visible in puffs, but there was something tranquil about it too. As an added bonus, Cornelia knew her parents wouldn't be able to stand the cold and would grant them some privacy.

“Hey, Corny. I love you.”

Cornelia's eyes flickered over to Irma. She was looking pretty frost-bitten, with only a thin blanket thrown over her lap and cradling a cup of cocoa like a lifeline, but her eyes were filled with a tender warmth that had Cornelia melting instantly.

“Even though I didn't follow through like I promised?” she said softly, self-doubt creeping in as the winter stars twinkled overhead. Irma scoffed.

“Honey, I know a thing or two about how hard it is to say it to your parents. You gotta take it at your own pace.”

“I'll do it tomorrow,” Cornelia promised, mouth pulled into a resolute grimace. “I won't back down.”

“Simmer down, earth guardian, this isn't like going to battle against some otherworldly lizard villain,” Irma teased. “Do this when you're ready, not because you feel like you owe me.” She paused. “Of course, that's something else I love about you. You tackle everything with the same determination. Cramming for exams, kicking alien butt, giving me hickeys...”

“Irma, that was one time!” she admonished, face pink with indignation. She lowered her gaze, cheeks pinkening from more than the cold. “Where's this all coming from?”

Irma shrugged.

“Not sure, really. Could be my heart, but then, my clit's aching, so...”

“Irma!” Cornelia squeaked, reaching over to shove her playfully. Irma erupted into giggles, pushing caramel curls away from her face.

“Hey, I've been waiting months to see you again, and you're telling me we can't even have sex for another week because the fucking camp bed won't be able to stand it. You can't blame me for feeling horny.”

“Self control, please?” Cornelia huffed, but she was smiling. “My parents could be listening in for all you know.”

“Your dad is helping himself to some scotch and your mom is watching Law and Order,” Irma pointed out, rolling her eyes. “I think we're safe.”

“My mother's so nosy, she'll be checking up on us any minute now,” Cornelia continued, taking a sip of cocoa. “Anyway, I love you too. Not that you need reminding.”

“Hey, you're hard to read sometimes,” Irma defended. “And anxiety can be a real bitch. I'm one of those needy types who craves constant validation, you know how it is.”

Cornelia pulled a face.

“Constant validation? I'm not qualified enough. You'll have to demand it from me or I'll never remember to say anything at all.”

“The hell kind of girlfriend are you?” Irma uncrossed her legs and stuck her foot out from beneath the blanket to lightly nudge Cornelia's knee. “Be nice to me, my self-esteem is shit.”

“Though why, I can't imagine,” Cornelia said softly, shaking her head. “I mean, you're beautiful, you're intelligent, you have a wonderful sense of humour, aside from being annoying and inappropriate at times... there's just so many things to like. I can't understand why you'd devalue yourself.”

Irma rested her chin in her hand dreamily. “Well, hot damn. This is why I need you complimenting me all the time, you're a fucking natural at it.”

Cornelia blushed. “It's hardly my fault you're so easy to compliment, is it?”

“Even when you're sassing me it's complimentary,” Irma exclaimed in disbelief, snorting.

She scooted her chair closer to Cornelia's, almost spilling her cocoa in the process, if not for the advantage of Cornelia's telekinesis on their side keeping it in check. She threw the blanket over the both of them and rested her head against Cornelia's shoulder.

“I will tell them,” Cornelia said gently, as they stared up at the sky of stars. “It's not that I'm ashamed of you, Irma. It's just... harder than I thought it would be, now I'm face to face with them.”

“For the last time, Corny, you don't gotta justify yourself,” Irma scolded, pulling her in closer. “What kind of girlfriend would I be if I got worked up over something like this? You said it yourself, this is about you, not just our relationship. So stop beating yourself up every two seconds just because you're not sticking to the plan, it's the first damn day!”

Cornelia huffed out a laugh and pressed a quick kiss to the top of Irma's head.

“I love you, dork.”

“I love you, blondie.”

As they huddled under the blanket, basking in the crispness of the cold night air, Elizabeth peered at them through the window. She opened her mouth to speak, but something compelled her to stay silent. Instead she watched, with uncomfortable curiosity, as Irma and Cornelia's hands clasped together.

Wordlessly, she left them to it.

[shaudswrites]

Heads

Stephanie fought not to cringe at every turn as she made her way through one of the most twisted, dark places she'd ever had the displeasure of visiting, and she'd visited a lot of twisted, dark places. The heavy footsteps of the guards behind her were the only things that drowned out the creepy sounds and she was left feeling oddly empty when the steel door shut behind her and she had to traverse the rest of the corridor alone.

Stupid bat training that left her footsteps so light. She clutched the paper bag just hard enough that she didn't squish the contents into so much mush in her shaky hands. The door she was nearing was both forever away and getting closer way too quickly for her liking, and she considered stomping her feet on purpose just so she wouldn't have to deal with the quiet when the grey slab of metal was right in front of her.

With a deep breath, she tried to pull up her Batgirl mentality. It was just like interrogating any other criminal, being in Arkham didn't make any difference, it wasn't like he was Joker-level crazy or anything. Still, better to be polite. She raised one hand, and before she lost the little confidence she'd pulled together she knocked.

She jumped when the sound reverberated through the corridor much more loudly than she'd though it would. There was some rustling from the other doors; bloodshot eyes pressed up to the little barred window cut into the door followed a particularly loud BASH from one nearer to her.

Stephanie chuckled nervously and waved at the inmate as she pressed her back against the door she'd knocked on. Someone else's amused snort was heard from inside. She pushed down the minor irritation at letting the place get to her before she'd even gotten into the damned room.

Barbara had said it was a bad idea, that she had nothing to prove, but they'd both known it wasn't true.

'Right, going in.'

She held the bag in front of her like a shield and pushed the door open.

Jason Todd, the Red Hood, slouched in his rickety metal chair like it was the most comfortable seat in the world. "First the old man, and now Robin 4.0, guess the grave's just not what it used to be, am I right?"

Stephanie took a second to wonder just what the hell she was doing there before she strode over and took the seat opposite him, nothing but the sturdy table between her and a killer with a grudge against anyone wearing a bat.

The bag crinkled when she set it on the table, his eyes barely flickered to it before settling on her, a creepy smile playing on his lips. Stephanie tried to channel her inner Barbara, but failed spectacularly when after a few minutes her fingers began drumming on the rusty metal. She'd been so focused on not chickening out of her visit she hadn't planned any conversation starters for when she actually got there. Everyone said Jason loved to talk? Why was he being so still?

The current Batgirl looked between him and the paper bag before awkwardly pushing it right to the edge of his side of the table. "So…"

"What, you put a head in there?" He cocked his head. "Cause even if it is mine, you can't exactly add to a life sentence."

"No, Penny-one said you liked chili-dogs." Stephanie blurted out, a little queasy at the idea of lugging around head in a paper bag. "Why would you think I brought you a head!?"

His shackles clinked when he poked the bag, toppling it on its side. "Was as good a guess as any." He shrugged. "Putting heads in bags is what the Gotham street dealers know me for."

"Okay, gross." She waved her hands as if shooing his words away. "Can we save the blood and guts story for another time?"

"Made three of them blow chunks." Great, now he was being chatty. "Made up for the two hours work on its own."

"You know, saying things like that is why you didn't pass your mental evaluation. You could be…"

"I'm not crazy." He didn't quite slam his hands on the table, but having them in sight was unnerving enough. Those were the hands that had killed literally hundreds and all that stood between them and her was a table and some handcuffs.

"Suuure you're not." She drawled and tried to be subtle about sliding her seat a few more inches away from him.

He growled and clicked his jaw before speaking again. "Just tell me what you want so I can get back to sleep."

"Rude." Stephanie rolled her eyes and folded her arms. "Do you have any idea how hard it was to set this thing up?"

"I'm flattered, now. What. Do. You. Want, Blondie?" He'd balled his hands into fists now, and she knew she should have been more afraid, but she was emboldened by the mere fact that he hadn't tried to attack her yet. Not that she was kidding herself with the tried part.

"No really, it was a nightmare. It took forever to convince them I really was even Batgirl, you know one of them thought I was Harley Freaking Quinn for like an hour? Then Oracle tells me that nutcase actually pretended to be Batgirl once? And don't even get me started on the work it took getting them to let me bring in the food –which you'd better eat- when they got the idea it was components for Smilex and you were the Joker's apprentice or something." She had to cut her rant short to take a deep breath.

"You done?" He looked supremely bored as he looked at a point somewhere behind her.

"No, I am not done. Calling yourself Red Hood? Just why, you'd think it would occur to someone smart enough to take over the Gotham underground that naming yourself after that freak would give you some problems down the line." She huffed.

"Making it easy for teenage girls to visit me wasn't a factor, no." He folded his arms, the motion almost distracting her from what he said next. "It was supposed to be ironic."

"Dude, it would be like calling myself Black Mask and running around with a power-drill, it's dumb." She shot back.

The silence stretched on just long enough to be uncomfortable again before he spoke and she took the time to study the dark circles under his eyes. "No, that would be like calling myself Joker and running around with crowbars and bombs."

"You do kinda blow things up a lot." She mimicked his posture. "Hey, aren't you a teenager too?" She cocked her head with a frown.

He snorted. "No." His eyes shifted off to the side.

"Oh my god, you are!" She jumped to her feet and pointed one of her fingers within grabbing distance before she really registered what she was doing. "Just imagine the reaction it'd get if anyone found out that Red Hood, scourge of Gotham's underworld, isn't even twenty yet. They'd flip the fuck out."

"You kiss your mother with that mouth? 'Cause I can send it to her in a box" As if he wasn't angry enough before, he was steaming now. If she'd felt like pushing her luck more, Stephanie would have called his expression a pout, but she really wanted to leave Arkham alive, so she didn't let that thought linger.

"Please, it's nothing compared to the audio logs I've heard of you." She chuckled and settled back into her seat. "What were we talking about again?"

"You leaving." He growled.

"Nope, pretty sure it was me getting here." She held up one finger. "So anyway, I thought I was going to have to ask for help from Batman…" here Jason scoffed, "… but for someone that cold he can be a little over-protective, and I couldn't exactly ask Oracle, because, like no one knows she exists and the most she could do was schedule a 'legitimate' visit, and by then the chili-dogs would have been cold, and it would have been a tiny bit suspicious if a blond girl with a paper bag came in right after blond Batgirl with a paper bag left…"

"That was too many ands," Jason cut in.

"So I just told them I was your sister and that you'd be real mad if they didn't let me in." She spread out her arms and grinned. Jason's folded arms were twitching in a way that told her he was fighting to keep them that way. "Also, one of them, Schools or whatever, was kind of handsy and I said you were going to get him for it so…"

"You really have no idea what you've done, do you?" He clasped his hands in front of him tightly enough that his knuckles cracked.

"Came for a nice visit and brought you some non-prison food?" Her smile slipped just a little under the intensity of his glare. She lifted the paper bag upright. "Are you going to eat it?"

"No." He wasted no time in replying. "If you don't have anything important to tell me, then leave." He didn't turn away from her, but he might as well have.

"You really are an ass, you know." She sighed and stood up. "But, er thanks for not killing me the second I walked in the door." He scoffed and she took one last look at him as he slumped a little further into the uncomfortable chair before she left.

The heavy metal door was between them and let out a breathy sigh. That was it, mission failed, whatever that mission had been in the first place. She paused on her way to the other end of the corridor. Had she really failed?

Walking in she'd fully expected a fight, those cuffs couldn't have held him. Heck, even a strait jacket couldn't have held someone half as skilled as any robin was expected to be, and Jason did have training on top of that. That was something at least.

By the time she'd left the asylum, Stephanie had come to the conclusion that she'd made the same mistake this time as she had when she'd enacted the War Games, lack of information. She didn't know how to talk to Jason because she didn't know anything about him.

She'd have something to tell him the next time she showed up, because next time she'd know more than his favorite food.

Stephanie Brown was a detective too, and it was time she proved that she could put those skills to use.

[notgoingtohappen]

Revenge, Interrupted (Part 19)

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Caroline looked out of the aeroplane window, watching as they descended, clouds dissolving as millions of pinpricks of light came into view. The city, her new home. Somewhere among the multicoloured glitter were Elena, Bonnie, Damon, Enzo... and Stefan.

Her fake boyfriend. Who she liked.

Who she was going to try her absolute best to get over.

For the hundredth time, she wondered angrily how she could be dumb enough to fall for him and put herself in this situation. Now she had to face the boy she liked and try and act nonchalant in front of him but in love in front of their friends, and somehow move on from someone who for all intents and purposes acted like her he liked her back most of the time. 

Separating all of it was going to be hell.

Great going, Caroline.

Shouldn't be too hard. The relationship wasn't real. They were just friends.

She just had to keep telling herself that.

~*~

Under the fluorescent white lights of the airport, Caroline made her way to the exit, dragging her suitcase behind her.

She stopped as her phone buzzed in her purse. Fishing it out, she found herself staring at a text from Stefan Salvatore. Of course.

‘Look up’

She did, only to see him standing a few feet away, flowers in hand, smiling.

"Stefan! What are you doing here?" she exclaimed as her heart did strange things in her chest. 

Why was he like this?

"Picking you up, of course." he handed her the daisies and took the suitcase from her.

"They're beautiful, thank you." 

The guy even got her her favourite flowers. He really didn't make it hard for one to develop feelings. "And you know you didn't have to, right?"

"I wanted to! Just being a good fake boyfriend" he replied.

Right.

She reached up to hug him and pulled away as the moment she felt his arm around her, setting off those damn butterflies.

She struggled to think straight and act normal. "I got you something too," she remembered suddenly, reaching into her purse. She handed him a small brown package.

Stefan pulled out a snow globe key chain of Mystic Falls, and looked at her with a surprised smile.

"I saw it at the gift shop at the airport. Reminded me of you. I know you love the town."

"Thank you." he said warmly, looking into her eyes. She couldn't tell what was going on behind the forest green and looked away quickly.

"Let's go home." she said.

~*~

Caroline got home as dawn was breaking across the sky, took one look at the bed she realised she rarely got to sleep in and crashed.

When she woke up, the apartment was empty. Stuck to her mirror was a post-it that read ��Glad you're back, see you in the evening xoxo’ in Elena's handwriting. 

After eating an apple and some pudding from the fridge, Caroline decided to go to the library for a few hours and surf the internet on her laptop, maybe waste some time on social media. Or even read. She realised she could just ask Stefan for some books but she didn't want to be around him or his damn room any more than necessary. She just had to hope that distance did not make the heart fonder.

After spending a few hours (that had flown by far too quickly) curled up on a bean bag in a corner of the comfortingly quiet library, she gathered her things and left the building. Looking wistfully at the setting sun and dreading seeing Stefan once more, she suddenly remembered that there had been no cereal in the kitchen that morning. She walked to the nearest supermarket and then idled some more over there, buying things she did absolutely not need (a Minnie Mouse mug, pepper flavoured gum, blood orange lip gloss, and some fresh lettuce.)

After going as far as to impulse buy a gossip magazine at the checkout counter, she trudged her way back to the loft. She wasn't even past the front door before she was tackled by Bonnie and Elena.

"Care! You're back!"

"We missed you!"

"We love you!"

"We're so happy everything is okay!" the girls gushed.

"Thanks you guys, I love you too" Caroline laughed, her spirits soaring as she felt a surge of affection for her best friends.

"How was being back home? How is everyone? How's Sheriff?" Bonnie asked.

"Great, she's good."

"What do you wanna do? Eat junk food? Rom-com marathon? Apartment cleaning session?" Elena asked.

Before Caroline could pick one of those amazing options, the door burst open, Salvatore brothers standing in the doorway.

"Heard all the squealing. Welcome back, Care-bear!" Damon exclaimed, flashing his crooked smile at her.

"Thanks, Damon" she replied.

"Did Steffy or the girls tell you how we're going to celebrate?" he asked, glancing around the room, looking delighted.

"Uh, no?" Caroline looked at them curiously before her gaze landed on Stefan.

"We are... going to a rave" he said, looking vaguely uncomfortable.

"Oh my god, that sounds so much fun! When? Oh, I went to this one in college–"

"That was the best party ever and even had glow sticks, we know" Elena interrupted. "It's tomorrow. Liam's friend is throwing it."

"Perfect! One last hurrah before work starts, I guess."

"No, not you too, Blondie." Damon muttered.

"Excuse me?"

"You're starting work and so is Enzo... don't leave me alone with Stefan all day."

"I'm the one who will have to be around you all day," Stefan shot back. "I'm going to practically live at the gym till the day I begin."

"Just not my gym, please."

"Why don't you start actually looking for work?"

"I'm taking a break, dear brother. I've spent my life studying, I deserve it. Plus, Dad pays our bills." he smirked.

"Your life has been the same as that of every normal student in the country, Damon–"

"My work hours aren't that long right now, I'm just one of the three assistants..." Caroline interrupted their bickering.

"Oh good, hear that Stefan–" Damon began, only to be cut short by Elena.

"That's so great! I wish I didn't work at a hospital, the hours are crazy. And you get to spend more time with your boyfriend, lucky!"

"Yeah, I would have missed you." Stefan turned to Caroline with a smile in his eyes. Despite herself, a foolish part of her thought it was genuine. Damn it, why was he such a good actor?

She smiled back, before quickly changing the subject. "Okay, I am starving. I was so busy at the library, I forgot to eat lunch. What's for dinner?"

The girls looked at each other blankly.

"Worry not ladies, chef Stefan here will whip something up."

"I'm not going to cook three meals a day, Damon, stop being so lazy–"

"Oh my god, I'm ordering pizza." Bonnie groaned and put her phone to her ear and walked into her room.

Damon plopped onto the couch with a beer in hand, talking softly to Elena about something that reduced her to peals of laughter.

Stefan and Caroline sat down on the other couch.

"So, the plan's going on track..." he started.

Other than me falling for you.

"Yeah, totally. I mean, we go on dates, kiss, sleep in one room, what's left?"

"A declaration of love?"

Caroline swallowed. "Yep."

"Maybe a grand gesture?"

"You handle that one" she muttered.

"Okay" he replied simply.

She bit her lip, willing herself to look at ease.

"You okay?" Stefan's forehead creased as he looked at her as if trying to gauge her thoughts.

"I'm fine. Yeah, I think it's going well. We just stick to it for a while, keep up a routine when I have work too, lull them into thinking it's all peachy, and then–"

"Crash and burn."

"Throw them into a panic." She added.

"Worst breakup in history, remember?"

The last time they'd discussed the breakup, they were both laughing, imagining the guilt their friends would feel, filled with glee at the prospect of pranking them so cleverly, tricking them at their own game.

Now, there wasn't a smile in sight.

She didn't want it to end. It hurt to remember that it would.

And then she mentally chastised herself. It was sad that she was enjoying a fake relationship this much.

"What... what reason do we give them for the breakup?" He asked, looking away, but not before she'd caught his expression grow even more serious.

Why did he look serious? Was this getting to be too much for him?

"What's wrong?" She asked carefully.

He smiled at her, but it didn't reach his eyes. "Nothing, I'm just tired. We'll still be friends, right?"

The hope she felt at his words just made the despair that followed worse. She felt like a small goblin was punching her heart again and again.

"Of course! You were my first close friend in town, you know."

The corners of his mouth turned up a little. "You too. This was actually fun, hanging out with you."

The goblin really hated her. She mustered up a smile and replied. "We just can't be seen together while we're fighting, and when we reveal it was a prank, we go back to spending time together. But normally, as friends."

"Good plan... so why do we break up again?" He asked again

"Uh..." Caroline started to think. "You decide you're tired of me?"

"Caroline! That couldn't happen, you're actually my friend! And that makes me sound like a douchebag."

"Okay, okay." Caroline wished there was a button she could hit when talking to Stefan that would turn her feelings off so she didn't feel hope, anxiety, anguish, heartache, and anger at herself for feeling all of the above in a constant loop.

"How about you're not ready for a relationship?"

"They'll never buy it. I haven't been in one for over a year, plus I was lamenting about being tired of being single for days before I moved here."

"Really?" He smirked. "And you were never tempted to call Klaus?"

She narrowed her eyes in mock offence and smacked his arm. "Ha ha, very funny. I'll date Damon before I date him. I say you cheat on me with Rayna."

Stefan's mouth fell open. "Damon would never buy it! He knows I would never. How about you cheat on me with one of your exes when they arrive here?"

"Yeah, no, Tyler has a girlfriend who I love and after how things ended with Matt, no thank you. Besides, the girls wouldn't buy it. I've never cheated on anyone, it's one of the worst things you could ever do, it's cowardly and–"

"And cruel and wrong to betray someone's trust like that. How anyone can even live with themselves after that is beyond me."

Caroline looked at him approvingly. "You really are Prince Charming, you know? All noble and righteous."

"So are you. Noble and moral and kind, I mean."

Did the guy seriously jump out of a Hallmark movie? Was his life's mission to prevent her from getting over him?

"Great. So we're too perfect to break up." She flopped back against the couch with a loud sigh of frustration.

Damon and Elena looked at them curiously. "Lover's quarrel?" Damon asked.

"No way" Stefan said, leaning in close to kiss Caroline. Her eyes fluttered shut and she reached up to grip his shirt and pull him closer, her annoyance dissolving into longing when she felt his hands brush against her side.

"We cross that bridge when we come to it," he whispered as he pulled away, shifting so his arm was around her. She leaned her head on his shoulder, playing with his fingers on an unconscious impulse as she thought about what he'd said. How long would it be exactly, until a logical reason to break up cropped up?

She looked up to see Elena still looking at her curiously, and turned to Stefan. He was watching their hands as if it was the most natural thing in the world. To her, that's what it felt like. And to the others, it looked like a regular couple sitting together and being cute.

Well played, Stefan, she thought as Elena smiled softly at her and went back to talking to Damon.

"You know, a few weeks of dating is fine too if we find a reason by then. Who says it needs to be months?" She blurted out.

Stefan's expression was guarded. "Okay."

And then she kicked herself. Because even though she'd suggested it, and it was a pretend relationship, and they'd just been analyzing their future breakup in great detail, him agreeing with breaking up early so easily made her feel uneasy.

And that was why it was better in the long run, as much as she hated it (and then hated herself for hating it–really, what the fuck.)

The sooner this charade ended, the sooner would her conflicted feelings and stupid crush go away, and her mind would be a far more tranquil place.

20

[golddaggers]

Sparks Fly

Reader x Klaus Mikaelson

(NOT MY GIF)

*Requested

Imagine: In 1919, while looking for ripper Stefan, who went missing nearly a year ago, you have a very pleasant meeting with one the oldest vampires in existence: Klaus Mikaelson. 

Warnings: slight smut, bad words and, oh, well, it’s a vampire imagine, there’s gotta be a little blood. haha

N/A - Not quite as you requested, but I hope you like the same way, anon. :) Also, you guys could read this while listening to Sparks Fly by Taylor Swift. I heard it repeatedly when I was writing this one. 

Word Count: 2,9k+ 

Dear Damon,

I am aware of the promise I made to send you a letter every month, so you know that I’m alive, but things have been a bit messy lately. Moving from one place to another has not given me much time to write. Actually, my only true focus is finding our brother and getting him back to his old self. Perhaps I’ll be able to do that here in New Orleans, which, by the way, is a wonderful city. You should be here to see the night lights and cheerful dances.

Oh, shucks! That reminds me I have got to meet up with my friend Lexi in twenty minutes at this famous pub. Apparently, the Original family is here, oh yes, the family who created all other vampires, and goes there every evening, she thought it would be a cool way to blow off some steam while we don’t find Stefan.

She might have a solid point, I guess.

Well, I will not extend myself, because I have to leave, however, don’t worry about me, everything is fine and I got the feeling this it. So, soon enough, we’ll be joining you in Paris.

I miss like crazy those cold winter days!

Anyway, kisses and hugs to you from your loving sister.

Love you,

Y/N.

You dropped the beautiful pen on the table and sighed, thinking that what you were telling him was more than enough. Sure Damon would be pleased to hear you were still alive, because, in his mind, chasing emotionless Stefan was a dead end job. Not that he was entirely wrong, but you were never the kind of girl who would leave someone behind, especially if that someone was your own flesh and blood.

“Y/N Salvatore!” A voice cut through the silence of your house. “I can’t believe you’re not ready yet.”

“Hey, Lexi!” You smiled and stood up, moving smoothly towards the majestic mahogany wooden wardrobe. “I completely forgot we were supposed to go out tonight! That’s why I’m not-”

“Don’t make excuses!”

“I promise you I am not.” This time an angry huff slipped, as you divert your eyes to the well-hung dresses, not being sure which one you were going to pick.

The blonde, who had her arms crossed tightly against her chest while leaning into the wall next to your bedroom’s door, rolled her eyes at you and caved in, like she always did, coming closer to help you get dressed. Lexi always had a good eye for fashion, which made anyone look absurdly fabulous once they had been advised by her.

A short while later, after your friend decided what was suitable for the place, you stared yourself in the mirror, feeling ready to steal any man’s heart because the baby pink gown you had on highlighted your every curve, also giving an insinuating gleam to your once innocent traits. Absolutely perfect to a girls night out.

“Uh, pumpkin, we should go.” Lexi called me out, once she realised how late it was. “It’s awfully late.”

“Oh, I’m sure it doesn’t really matter.” Your reply was gentle, as you worked on your Y/H/C wild curls. “But if it means that much to you, we can go now. And maybe we’ll even find Stefan there or at least a lead on his whereabouts.”

“Oh no.” A gentle snort escaped as she shook her head. “We’re shutting off the ‘get my baby brother back’ thing for a night.”

“That’s what I came here to do, Lexi.”

“Oh shut up about it!” Now her index finger was pointed sharply on your face. “Now listen to me: I know you love him and that he is very important to you. But not everything is about Stefan. Or Damon. You are your own person, so live a bit and enjoy the pleasures of life.”

Somehow, you were not able to shout out a rude response. Instead, after a couple of minutes, you exhaled tiredly and nodded, agreeing that she was right. Lexi squeezed the bare skin of your shoulder and you glanced up at her, finding her so sweet and comforting brown eyes.

“Can we please have some fun now?”

“Sure, blondie.”

“Now that’s the Y/N I know.”

You two share a quick, confidant laugh and leave the cosy pension room, going to your natural habitat: the darkness.

You tapped your feet nervously on the floor, tugging at the thin tissue of your dress and looking from side to side. Normally you wouldn’t feel like this whenever you had to be alone, which, by the way, you were because your so-called best friend decided she needed to dance with a random guy for so random reason. Still, there was something about this place that made you uneasy, although you could not quite place it just yet.

The martini glass you ordered was lying lazily on the table, but, long ago, you realised that alcohol was not what you were craving. Matter fact, you did not even want that, it was only to keep the appearances. One thing did manage to capture your attention, though. A tall, dark guy who gave you the eye all night long. Heck, he smelt delicious.

It’s settled then, you thought, licking your lips and smiling at him. A shy wave followed your previous actions. That was clearly an invitation for him to come closer and he took your lure, walking towards you rather fast.

“Good evening, Ms…?”

“Salvatore. But you can call me Y/N.”

“That is a lovely name” The guy whispers, taking your hand and kissing its back while glancing at you with lustful eyes. “I’m Thomas Maxwell.”

Leaning in, you stared deep into his eyes, it was time to make sure poor Tom wouldn’t let out a peep about what was going to go down next. The compulsion was easy since your diet consisted of human blood entirely. That was so because, unlike your baby brother, you had amazing control of your thirst and only killed if it was strictly necessary.

“Well, Mr Maxwell, what do you say we go outside to catch some fresh air? I’m feeling a bit claustrophobic here.”

“Yeah, yeah, of course.” The man stutters, offering you his arm which you accepts gladly. “I am sorry if I’m crossing some lines, but I just have to say you look beautiful tonight.”

“So kind of you to say that!”

You couldn’t blame him for being completely numb under the effect of your presence. Although human’s inner self-preservation instinct should repel the vampire allure, it did the exact opposite, pushing them straight to their deaths.

The air outside was cold, bringing a set of shivers to startle you, making Thomas sympathetically wrap his coat around your shoulders. You smiled shyly, watching as he bit his bottom lip, heart pounding so fast against his ribcage you thought he would have a heart attack.

“So, Ms Salvatore, what brings you to New Orleans?” Thomas blurts out, one of his thumbs nervously circling the back of his other hand. At his bluntness, you look away, not wanting to think about Stefan right now. “Oh, I am deeply sorry… I just figured you were new and-”

Two of your delicate fingers were placed softly against his lips, shutting him off completely. Then one chuckle slips, you just couldn’t help yourself. It was amusing how they all acted under your overwhelming presence. You have always been told that, even by other vampires. That your scent was so intoxicating they had trouble knowing how to contain themselves.

“We don’t have to talk about this,” It was barely a whisper, your hands slowly descending to his neck, making it all so sensual. “do we?”

“No.” His lips quivered in anticipation. “C-Can I… Ugh…”

Watching him meticulously, you raised a brown and clamped your lower lip between your teeth. They all seemed so alike, always stuttering and looking naive… It was what made the hunt so interesting: seeing how far they would resist to the trap’s temptation.

“Oh, Mr Maxwell…” Your voice low, a finger pulling him closer and closer to be caged against a bricked wall. “Do you wish for one of my kisses?”

“I do.”

Another taunting grin surfaces as you slip one sharp nail against the soft flesh of his neck. The carotid was pumping heavily, the adrenaline stench driving you insane. Way too good for you waste any other moment to finally taste it.

Thomas Maxwell didn’t scream when you climbed his body, hooking your legs around his waist as your teeth ferociously tore his throat apart, blood gushing across your face as you drank it down, moaning to the sweet taste of it. Feeding made you high, your body warming up as your desires were slowly fulfilled. He weakened beneath you, both of you falling down as he had no strength to keep the position.

“Hmm, I can’t tell what looks hotter, sweetheart, you or the fine drink you’re having.” A pleased tone coming from a man’s voice snapped you out of the frenzy the blood got you into. “I suppose I have to savour your lips first to make my choice.”

Regardless of Thomas’ fading hands still grazing your sensitive skin, your bodies still very much close to one another, it was not quite this proximity that made your body, especially not the middle of your legs, warm up like that, throbbing unconsciously. You bit your tongue to prevent a groan, standing up, your dress crooked and your face possibly covered in blood.

“May I know who are you?”

“Oh sweetheart, I am slightly disappointed you haven’t heard about me yet.” He brought your hand to his plump, pink lips, the roughness of his stubble scraping the skin. “I am Klaus Mikaelson.”

A sudden change of your demeanour makes him laugh, he’s aware you know about his fame, what he’s done and what he is. Your mind, on the other hand, is running, unable to focus, unable to convince you that the oldest vampire in existence, the most dangerous one too, was actually flirting with you. And also, no matter how crazy it sounds, you thought about how you’d never doubt Lexi’s word: Klaus Mikaelson was the most handsome man you had ever laid your eyes on.

“Y/N Salvatore.”

“Hmm, are you related somehow to a vampire named Stefan?” Klaus quizzes, one of his eyebrows quirking.

“Yes, that’s my brother’s name. Do you know him?” You ask gently, your eyes glued to him in childish excitement. “I have been looking for him.”

“Yes, sweetheart, I do him. We have become quite good friends.” The thickness in his accent makes you shudder, your lips in a grim line to refrain a pant. Your mind betrays you by thinking about his tone mellowish, calling out for you as you go down your him, tasting him. Your heat throbs to the thought. “But I have no wishes to talk about him. Not when a beauty such as yourself is standing in front of me.”

“What do you want from me?” There’s a slight falter in your voice, which doesn’t go unnoticed by him, who inches closer to you. “I don’t have anything-”

“You see, sweetheart, I am curious about you.” Now there was only a fair share of steps between you, his hands close enough to toy around with the drapes on your dress. A shiver crawls down your spine. “You have a scent, one that has gotten me here. Like a puppy who needs to be taken care of. You reek of it. And I needed to take a closer look at it.”

The nudge of his nose on your jawline got you throwing your head back, exposing your neck further to him, his lips licking off the drops of dry blood from your neck. You can’t hold back the soft ah that leaves your lips stubbornly. It was insane. You had never done such thing, never allowed your guard down to a stranger, still, you couldn’t help it. Not when he was near you, his presence making your stomach twist, your insides achy and claiming for him.

“K-Klaus, what are we doing?” It goes off with a broken whimper, his large hand nearing your ass. “This is insane, we don’t even know each other.”

“Does it matter, dear?” Klaus replies hoarsely.

A gush of heat washes your figure as he presses himself into you, the growing bulge inside his pants rubbing lightly your centre. Your hands fly to the nape of his neck, tugging at the blond hair there, you have to refrain your craving to run your nails down, dipping into his loose shirt, feeling what the warmness of his skin is like.

“No.” The lowest of whispers, but Klaus smiles. “It doesn’t, really.”

“Come with me, then.”

His hands now squeeze your back, pulling you up to wound your legs around his waist. Klaus has you pinned against the wall, his scent intoxicating you, like green leaves and petrichor. Your gut screamed for you to say yes, to surrender to him, feel the size of him inside of you. It certainly wouldn’t come into the occasion you had met him only a few minutes ago.

“Klaus! I have been looking for you.” A known voice startled you, a voice you’d recognise anywhere and had been yearning to hear it for quite a while. “Rebekah wants to talk to you-Y/N? What are you doing here?”

The sting of betrayal hurts as you pull away from Klaus, glaring at your baby brother with sad eyes. He looks cold and distant like he hasn’t missed you for a second. Like he hasn’t thought about you. The one who cared for him, who defended him from their father. It wasn’t fair what Stefan was doing.

“Oh brother, in this scenario, I’m the one asking the questions.”

“What for? I have told you, and Damon, countless times that I don’t want your help.” Stefan rolls his eyes, in a mocking attitude. “I’m fine.”

“Oh, but you don’t fool me.” Anger was boiling within your veins, mixing with your blood and making you growl. Oh, how you wanted to smack the hell out of that boy. “If there’s anybody who knows you, that’s me, now-”

“Honey, I’m going to be straight with you, okay? I don’t care, I don’t flip back on and I want you to stop trying.”

“You really don’t know me, do you?”

Stefan shrugs off, diverting his attention to the man still standing beside you, annoying flickering on his fair eyes. “Rebekah wants to talk you. Find her. Now I have to go, there’s a girl who’s waiting for me.”

"Stefan!”

Yet, before you were able to follow him and kick his ass for acting like that, Klaus grips you by your wrist, forbidding you to do so, which made you even madder. For a split second, you wonder if Klaus’ true intentions were to spoil the first time you saw your brother after almost a year and crush your expectations on ever turning on his humanity switch. Anger bubbles throughout your figure and you roughly free yourself from his grasp.  

“That’s why you came here?” Your voice is higher than it should be. “To mess up my plans?”

“Mind your tone, sweetheart.” Klaus snarled. “Don’t forget who I am.”

“Answer me!” With hands splayed across his chest, you narrow your eyes, still angrily shouting. “Come on!”

“No.” Klaus finally answers. “I didn’t even know you were his sister until you told me. And I’m honestly not interested in more family drama, I have my own to cover that.”

Of course, you knew it wasn’t his fault. How could it be? Truthfully, you wanted to find somebody else to place your failure but yourself. It was on you that your brother was like that. Once you admit that to yourself, feeling defeated, you allow the welled up tears to streak down, staining your cheeks. You were weak. So weak that you couldn’t even stand up, falling to your knees.

Klaus sighed, kneeling in front of you and raising your chin, exposing you to a deep blue-eyed stare, it was like facing a wide, rebellious ocean. Your breathing was still uneven and it only grew worse when he, carefully, stroke your cheeks, wiping the stupid teardrops that kept streaming down your face like someone had turned the faucet in your eyes on.

“I am sorry I look so pathetic…” It was a sincere apology, Klaus was an unknown person who didn’t need to be in the middle of this. “You can leave me here if you want, I’ll be fine.”

"I don’t normally do this, dear, but I like you, so I’ll open an exception.”

“Excuse me?”

He wraps your waist with his arms and helps you to stand back on your feet, a little exhausted. Almost as if someone injected vervain directly on your neck, pumping it continuously to your heart.

“I’m going to take you on a date.” A gorgeous smile curved his lips, enlightening his entire face. “I almost made you my own, it’s only fair. And it’ll help to forget all that drama.”

"One night with the mighty Mikaelson?” You look up, scratching your neck and pretending you were thinking about it still. “What the heck, I don’t have anything to lose, anyway.”

“Actually, I’m pretty sure you will come back for more.”

“Drop the smug act.”

“Quit being a cry baby.”

As both of you laughed, walking away from that dark alley, you thought you had never met someone as intense as Klaus Mikaelson. It was definitely going to be an unforgettable night and, fuck, Lexi should set her ears ready to hear every single detail because you were sure it was going to be wild. And, if your luck twists a little, very much naughty as well.

[weperseverebyhonestgrins]

Marry Me || Steroline

Prompt from Anonymous: Could you do a drabble about Stefan adoring Caroline's craziness over wedding planning?

It took me a long time to find the right inspiration for this prompt, and the latest episode managed to do it. This is just a moment of peace for Stefan and Caroline to enjoy being together again, looking forward to what comes next.

It was a well known fact that Stefan was not the cheesy romantic of the relationship. He remembered important dates and did surprisingly sweet, thoughtful things; there was no production about it, no candles and rose petals.

For him, their love was simple and perfect in its simplicity. He loved Caroline and wanted her to be happy - that was all he needed.

Caroline was a production in and of herself, and Stefan loved watching her excitedly take on another challenge. She found him the rare Bon Jovi signed album Lexi had accidentally left in some bar back in the nineties. If he dropped by work for a surprise lunch, she would swoon and insist upon planning a dinner date in return. A shopping trip wasn't complete without some shirt that brought out the color of his eyes, her favorite sun-bright shade that apparently reminded her of their first kiss. Caroline loved romance; Stefan loved her.

And he was going to marry her.

The morning after his renewed proposal, Stefan woke to his nose buried in her nest of blonde hair. Caroline was awake, he knew. As a vampire, he would be able to feel the contained energy buzzing under her skin, the twitch of her eyelashes against the air when she remembered to press them closed to keep up the ruse. With his dull human senses, though, the truth was in the unnatural stillness of her body, like she was trying to remain perfectly in position lest she wake him by moving.

"Good morning," he croaked, nuzzling deeper into her space. "Are you planning, or are you having second thoughts?"

She rolled over smoothly, giggling when he pulled her closer to him. "Actually, I was just trying to enjoy a moment of peace with my fiance," Caroline answered primly. "We have a nasty habit of finding trouble we don't want to be in, let alone to drag each other along with it."

Stroking his thumb along the pattern of freckles on her cheek, Stefan pressed a kiss to her forehead. "Okay," he whispered. "Aside from cuddling, what's the plan for today?"

"I'm going to head over to the Armory for a bit, and I was hoping you might join me. Not only have the girls been missing you, I could use your help bringing boxes back to the house."

"Boxes," Stefan said, confused.

Embarrassed, Caroline hid her face in his shoulder. "I kind of stored all the wedding things over there," she admitted. "Out of sight, out of mind and all that."

Stefan swallowed painfully. "Oh."

"But, you're back," she pointed out cheerfully, her smile crinkling her eyes. Biting her lip, though, the joy in expression dimmed after a moment. "I mean, I know we probably aren't back to full steam ahead for the whole June wedding thing. I'd understand if you want an adjustment period, maybe push things back. I haven't actually canceled any of the earlier arrangements yet, I literally just boxed up the stuff. According to our vendors, there's totally a Forbes-Salvatore wedding happening June third, but I can get us out of it if-"

"Hey." Stefan let his hand settle on her neck, a finger idly tracing the edge of her ear. He leaned over for a sweet kiss. "June third sounds perfect for a happily ever after with my best friend."

Had he not been watching her carefully, he might have missed the flash of anxiety that crossed her eyes. "What is it?"

She pulled him in for a drugging kiss, which dulled the inhuman pressure she just barely exerted against the back of his shoulder to hold him close. "Is it bad," she asked in a low voice, "that I just to flash us to the nearest courthouse and get it over with? I want the fairytale, I do, but I also don't want to wait. Bad things happen when we hesitate."

Stefan gave a sad smile. "I'm sorry."

Her face screwed into a frown at his vague apology.

"I'm sorry to have shaken your confidence in me," he clarified, hugging her tightly.

"It's not that," Caroline sighed. She pressed her lips together as she considered the best way to explain. Propping her head up with her arm, she let the other stroke along Stefan's chest. "You're human now." Her hand landed on his heart. "I don't want to waste a single minute we-"

We have left.

The unfinished sentence sat heavy between them. Uncomfortable topics in the past had sat unmentioned, hidden away at every moment. Stefan didn't want to do that anymore. They were partners, and they needed to be open and honest, always. "I'm going to love you for the rest of my life, Caroline Forbes," he vowed. "That won't change, no matter when we get married."

Caroline smiled, pressing herself against him with an exaggerated sigh. "Then I can probably wait for at least a day," she lamented airily. "I don't really want to leave this bed yet anyway. It's been lonely without you."

"You have no idea." He nuzzled into her hair again, breathing deeply. The muddled scent of her shampoo, conditioning cream, and sweat were less potent to his human senses, but they were no less sweet to his nose. It was the smell of home, and it comforted Stefan to his bones. "I could lay here forever."

When Caroline stiffened in his arms, he wanted to smack himself for the idle thought. 'Forever' meant something different for them now. Before he could address it, though, the front door loudly burst open downstairs.

"Up and at'em, lovebirds," Damon called. "We've got a problem."

"What's his problem?" Caroline groaned. She burrowed her head under a pillow, much to Stefan's amusement. "That he doesn't understand the concept of private time?"

"No, Blondie," Damon snapped, "my problem is a dead doppelgänger coming back to kick all our asses. You want cuddle time with your fiancé? Good luck prying him from Katherine Pierce's cold, dead, devil hands. Now, get down here!"

Stefan and Caroline turned to face each other, eyes wide in shock. "What?!"