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pedritomosquito · 2 years ago

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All Choked Up (Ch 1)

MINORS DNI

Summary: You're shooting a fight scene with Pedro that involves choking--you know where this is going.

Pairing: Pedro Pascal x Actress!Reader

Word count: ~4.1k

Content: SMUT, Minors DNI Blog, thigh riding, choking, handy, general steaminess

You had been called in for more shooting after working for a month on The Last of Us as various clickers. You were going to be doing another fight scene, but this time as your normal human self. Wardrobe had just finished with you and one of the PA’s was escorting you to set to be approved by Craig and Jeremy. It looked like they were in between takes of a scene with Joel and Ellie. Pedro and Bella were both sitting on set pieces, laughing and sipping at water.

Craig and Jeremy are crowded around a monitor with several other producers watching the latest take. The PA introduces you and suddenly all of them turn around, examining you. Craig greets you.

“Great to see you again! Thank you for joining us.”

You have to hold in a laugh, because ‘thank you for joining us’? As if you wouldn’t have thrown yourself into fucking LA traffic to be here?

“Thank you for having me,” you smile instead.

At the sound of your voice, you see Pedro perk up out of the corner of your eye. You pretend not to notice his gaze.

“This looks great,” Craig approves. “Can I see it without the scarf?”

The PA unties your neck gaiter.

“Yes, perfect,” He nods. “Thank you Jennifer,” He dismisses the PA and sends you on your way, “See you on set!”

Interesting costuming detail for Craig to be so particular about, but whatever. The PA starts to usher you back towards the wardrobe department.

You hear Bella call your name and you turn, giving them a happy wave. Pedro gives you a wave too.

“Tomorrow–You, me?”” You playfully point between him and yourself, “we’re squarin’ up!”

“No way!” Pedro replies, looking dare you say excited to hear the news that you’d be working together.

“See you at rehearsal!” You call as you slip out the door.

—--

The next day you have stunt choreography for the fight scene in the evening. You dress in a cute matching Lululemon knock off set and report to the rehearsal studio on the lot. The three stunt coordinators are there to greet you and you stretch out until Pedro arrives.

He’s in a tight workout t-shirt and gray sweatpants. Not the gray sweatpants dear LORD.

“Look what the cat dragged in,” one of the coordinators teases, “And ten minutes late, no less!”

“Fuck off, Phillip,” Pedro laughs as he approached, “I’m old and I’m tired.”

“That’s your excuse every day,” You prod.

“Well it’s true every day,” Pedro complains.

“Ready to beat the shit out of each other?” You smirk.

His laugh makes your stomach flip flop.

“Absolutely.”

The stunt coordinators demonstrate the choreography first and you have to make sure your jaw doesn’t hit the floor.

Your character stands yielding a prop knife and his character rushes at you, grabbing your arms. You struggle like that for a beat before the knife gets knocked out of your hands. He keeps his grip on one of your arms as he punches you across the face, then shoves you back up against the wall. Both of his hands come up to your neck and you fight against him until you pass out and he drops you on the floor.

You have always been on your best behavior around Pedro. The poor guy has women thirsting after him at every turn and you don’t want to add to his suffering. You have your own private thoughts about him–many of them not PG rated. But you are there to do a job, to be a professional. You never really allow yourself to entertain any of those thoughts beyond simple fantasy.

But he is about to choke you against a wall.

That alone has you entertaining several new thoughts.

“Alright, how do you guys feel about that?” Phillip asks.

Pedro just nods with a small “great.” He does this stuff pretty much every day so you’re sure none of it phases him.

Phillip looks to you and you must be a bit too wide eyed.

“You look a little uncomfortable,” Phillip notes kindly, inviting you to speak.

Pedro’s concerned expression knocks the wind out of you.

“No, no,” You assure them, “It just looks amazing and I’m hoping I wasn’t padding my resume when I said I had stage combat experience.” You give a little giggle to sell it and god bless being an actor because they all buy it.

“No worries, you definitely got this,” Phillip assures you.

Phillip had not been lying–you pick up the sequence just fine. When it comes time to run the fight with Pedro, you are feeling confident about the choreography but not much else. You mark through it, slowly going through each motion to practice.

You’re pretty sure you black out when he slides his hands under your chin. He is slow and careful and he barely even makes contact with your throat but just the idea, the notion that he could so easily, makes your insides scream.

He eyes you closely making sure you are okay. You feel safe. Somehow that makes it even worse.

You go through some notes and run it one more time slowly before kicking it up to full speed.

The intensity of doing it in real time causes an adrenaline storm. Pedro’s hands are all over you, all power and tight gripped. You desperately hold it together so you won't forget what you’re doing.

The way your back hits the padded wall forces the air from your lungs. Before you can even get a breath in, Pedro’s inches away from your face, hands around your neck. Heat spreads across your cheeks all the way down to your chest. You are sure the shock is written all over your face and you swear Pedro’s eyebrows furrow just a fraction. You take the moment of embarrassment as a good cue to drop to the floor out of his grip.

“That looked great!” Phillip approves, “How did that feel?”

You nearly choke on your spit at the question.

“Good,” you manage to squeak.

You catch Pedro side eyeing you and force yourself to look anywhere else. You bend over and fiddle with your shoelace out of sheer desperation to hide your face.

“Yeah,” Pedro echoes, “Good.”

You can hear the smile in his voice and want to leap out the window.

“Alright, let’s go full out this time,” Phillip says, “Add the acting, the drama, I want it all. Let’s take it from the line before so we can get the timing down.”

You and Pedro square up, getting into position.

“I’m not going down easy,” You play with a quirked eyebrow.

“Bring it,” He challenges.

You both slip into character and you raise your knife.

—-

“Great work, guys!” Phillip chimes, “See you on set tomorrow.”

“You drive here?” Pedro’s voice appears next to you.

“Yep,” You reply, adjusting your bag on your shoulder and pushing open the door. The cool night air glides a chill down your arms.

“Let me walk you to your car,” He offers, “ I just need to grab my stuff.”

“Oh, okay, yeah, that’d be—that’d be great,” You stumble over the words with a smile.

It’s a short walk to his trailer

“What’s been your favorite project you’ve worked on?” He asks.

“I always thought it couldn’t get any better than Mandalorian but honestly I think this show might be my new favorite.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, everything on this show feels so… real. Mando was all soundstages and green screens. Last of Us really feels like we’ve been dropped into an apocalypse,” You explain before cautiously adding, “And I’ve gotten to work with you a lot more.”

“You like working with me, huh?” Pedro asks as he playfully bumps his shoulder into yours, the shadow of a teasing tone in his voice.

You can’t find words for a moment, pausing with your mouth parted. You might as well put all your cards on the table. “Yes,” you finally reply with a small laugh, “I do.”

You can safely toe the boundary of friendship here. You figure he wouldn’t read into it if he wasn’t interested.

Wait. Are you interested? Oh fuck. Of course you’re interested.

Pedro pauses for a fraction of a moment as you arrive at the trailer, looking at you. Before you can say anything, he pulls open the door and holds it for you. You climb inside and he brushes past you as he enters.

“When you showed up here on set,” He says, “I was really happy to see you again.” He sits down on the cream colored loveseat.

So he isn’t just ‘grabbing his stuff’ after all, you guess.

You join him, trying to remember how to sit like a normal human being.

“I thought you were lying when you said you remembered me,” you reply honestly.

“God no,” Pedro chuckles. His gaze on you intensifies, flitting down your body for a moment, his voice dropping a bit lower. “Couldn’t forget you if I tried, sweetheart.”

You suck in a quiet breath. Your mind begins to swim in the suddenly thickening air. How has he managed to make himself so clear in just a single uttered sentence?

He seems to search your face. You realize he’s looking for reciprocation . This isn’t the time to toe the limit at all–it’s the time to cross the line entirely.

The line between colleagues is drawn for good reason, you try to remind yourself. But all logic dissolves in the simmering heat of how he watches you from the other end of the couch.

Fuck the line. What line? Never heard of one.

You switch on a new part of yourself, cocking your head.

“You aren’t too forgettable yourself,” You reply with a soft smirk, making sure to regard every inch of him.

That is all it takes from him to start closing the gap between you, stopping just inches away. He reaches out and slides your bag off your shoulder in slow motion. You stay frozen as it thuds to the floor. The way his eyes never leave you makes your breathing pick up.

“You can leave right now, I won’t hold it against you,” He says quietly, “We can go back to before and I will never try this again.”

You can’t imagine a worse fate. You shake your head desperately.

“Tell me you want this,” he says, eyes glued to yours.

“I want you ,” You whisper.

His lips easily find yours as you feel a hand lace into your hair and another around your waist. The softness of his lips makes you forget to set yourself into motion, too busy melting into it. You finally remember to reach for him, placing a hand on his chest and the other on the side of his neck. You splay your fingers over his bare skin, brushing a thumb against the stubble on his jaw.

His fingers graze over your scalp as he gently grips a handful of your hair. It makes your jaw fall open and he takes the opportunity to lick into your mouth. You grab a fistful of his shirt to pull him closer.

His hand travels up the center of your chest, curving over your collarbone and back down your side.

He is either being a tease or far too respectful.

You take his wrist and guide him to the bottom hem of your tank top, sliding his hand underneath until his fingers come to the elastic of your sports bra. You pull the spandex up out of the way.

His fingertips skate lightly over the bare skin before he cups you, rolling your nipple between his fingers.

You whine against his mouth, arching into his touch. Your head tips back and he kisses down your neck before returning to your mouth. His lips become more insistent, the pressure of his hands roaming your body more firm. You shift to pull your leg up under you on the couch, needing to get closer to him. He untangles his hand from your hair and does you one better, reaching down, grabbing your ass and pulling you into his lap until he has you hovering over him, his knee between yours.

You pull off your tank top and your sports bra.

“Fucking gorgeous,” Pedro murmurs breathlessly as he attaches his mouth to your nipple.

“Fuck,” The word punches out of you and your hands fly into his hair. His mouth is all heat, tongue working in circles and flicks. You imagine his face between your legs doing the same and you shudder at the mere thought.

He grabs your hips and speaks against the skin of your chest.

“Sit.”

He pulls you down firmly onto his thigh.

“Good girl.”

A gasp helplessly escapes your lips and he has you all figured out. He fails to suppress a smirk and you have half the mind to admonish him, but any attempt is interrupted by his mouth returning to your tit.

He guides your hips to grind against him. The feeling of your wet leggings sliding over his sweatpants drags against your clit just right. You whimper against his temple. He tugs your hips forward again as he flexes his thigh into you and your whimper becomes open mouthed, a moan buried in his hair.

Your hips start to roll on their own accord, chasing down the friction.

“That’s it,” He says softly, licking up your chest, “Make yourself feel good, pretty girl.”

You let out a stilted sigh, dropping your head and sucking the skin beneath his jaw. You reach your hand down and press over the crotch of his sweats. You inhale sharply when you feel him already hard underneath your palm.

“You know how hard it was to control myself, hm?” He questions, voice strained as he pushes himself up against your hand, “Keeping everyone from seeing how much I loved having you pinned up against that wall?”

“ God , that was good acting,” you moan.

“Yours needs some work,” he taunts, “‘Could see it all over your face, querida. Bet you were wet for me, weren’t you?”

“Whole time,” you nod desperately.

He drags his fingers up your chest and wraps his hand around your throat.

“Oh fuck,” tumbles from your mouth.

“This what you wanted, sweetheart? My hand wrapped around your throat like this?”

“Yes,” you whimper. “Fuck, keep talking,” you beg, moving faster in his lap.

“You like the sound of my voice, huh?” He prods, “Like it when I tell you how good you are while you fuck yourself on my thigh?”

You only nod with a whine, reaching under his waistband and taking his cock in your hand. You nearly whine again when you feel how thick he is.

“Fuck,” he groans, his hand tightening just a bit around your throat.

The squeak he receives from you in response is equal parts innocent and filthy.

He uses his free hand to shove his pants and boxers down his hips, exposing his cock in your fist.

You pump him slowly, watching the precum leak from his slit. You release him, pausing your own movement to dip your hand into your panties. You slide two fingers into yourself, gathering your wetness, and return to his length.

“Jesus Christ,” he swears, his words trapped in the back of his throat as you wrap your slick hand around him. His hand tightens on your neck and he thrusts up into your hand, jolting you back into your own rhythm.

Your free hand is slipped under the neckline of his shirt, placed on his chest to steady yourself. The skin there is firm and radiating heat. You can feel his heart beating as fast as yours against your palm.

“You gonna cum like this?” He asks, “Such a needy girl, making a mess on my thigh?”

“Yes, fuck, yes, god yes,” you babble. You’d say yes to practically anything he could ask of you right now, anything to stay in this moment.

Every word he speaks, every shift in his touch drives your fist around him faster.

“ Fuck you feel so good,” He says through gritted teeth, hand now trailing down your throat, curling his fingers to skim his nails over your delicate skin, “Doing so good for me.”

“Please, please, Pedro–” you blindly plead.

He squeezes his hand, tightening the grip on your neck. It’s hardly enough to affect your breathing, but it fuels the tension growing in your hips all the same. Your motions begin to stutter.

“That’s it, querida,” He hums, “That’s it.”

“I’m gonna–” your stutter, “I’m gonna cum.”

He presses the pad of his thumb against your clit and every bit of air deserts your lungs.

“I’ve got you. Cum for me.”

Pure heat sparks and sets you ablaze, flames rolling down your body as you cum, cries forced from you.

“ Good girl , there it is. That’s a good girl,” He grinds out the words, pushing himself harder up into your fist. “Fuck, that’s it, fuck ,” A strangled noise catches in his throat, stripes of white painting your hand and his shirt as you ride out your high.

You lean forward to collapse against him, pressing your head to his shoulder, and you both try to catch your breath. He wraps his arms around you, fingers absently tracing over you back.

“Thank you,” you sigh.

“ Thank you ?” He nearly giggles, “Jesus Christ, all I did was sit here!”

“Then you’re welcome,” you breathe, “Like, very, incredibly, definitely welcome literally any time.”

His laughter bounces against your chest.

“Don’t go making offers that are too good to be true, now,” he warns, and you can feel his grin against the side of your neck, “I can’t take the heartbreak.”

So you’re not the only one who wants this to be more than a one time thing. Fuck yeah.

“Any. Time.” You repeat, whispering in his ear.

——-

Coco is setting up her station next to Stephanie and Jess for the afternoon. The hair and make up department is an integral part of The Last of Us because of the extensive clicker-fication process. Coco always jokes with Pedro that she has the easiest job out of everyone–make a man, who is already gorgeous, gorgeous. Not much to do there, just upkeep on Pedro’s gray hair and ensuring he’s grimy enough for an apocalypse.

You walk into the room bundled in a scarf and find Jess’s chair, greeting her. You had never met before and you were a little nervous. Coco, on the other hand, you’d talked to a few times.

“Okay, so, I might have screwed up a little ,” You admit to Jess, immediately piquing the curiosity of the women around you. You were about to make Jess’s job a bit harder.

“Oh?” Jess says.

“So, um, I get uh–strangled, in the scene we’re shooting today so there’s going to be a lot of focus on… my neck…” You preface hesitantly.

Coco whirls around.

“You didn’t,” She gasps, scandalized.

You grimace apologetically as you unwrap your scarf.

“I did.”

There’s no way they could possibly know that Pedro put the hickey blooming dark purple on your throat unless they’re mind readers, but still. You’re paranoid that somehow everyone will know what you did last night with Pedro.

Could see it all over your face, querida.

“You have girl bossed too close to the sun,” Coco shakes her head while Jess and Stephanie giggle.

You cover your face with your hands.

“Don’t worry about it,” Jess laughs, “You’re hardly the first actor to need some hickey cover up. Happens all the time–we’ll get you fixed up.”

Jess does an excellent job as promised and your neck looks pristine.

You thank her endlessly and slip out the door to go to wardrobe.

Just a moment later, Pedro speeds into hair and make-up, greeting Coco and plopping down in her chair.

“I need a bruise covered up,” he says simply.

“How’d you hurt yourself this time, old man?” Coco asks.

“Uh, it’s not exactly that kind of bruise,” he replies sheepishly. He pulls down the turtle neck he’s wearing, revealing the hickeys he’s sporting up his neck.

Coco, Stephanie and Jess all exchange a look. Stephanie is desperately trying to suppress a smirk and Jess has to turn away to contain herself.

You and Pedro are none the wiser that you’re totally busted.

“ Pedro ,” Coco scolds him playfully.

“I know, I know,” he sighs.

“Pass me that concealer, Jess?” Coco asks, “We’d better get started. This might take a while since someone decided to sell his body last night.”

“Oh shut up,” Pedro waved her off with a bashful chuckle, “Vete a la chingada.”

“Pedge, I’m immune to your spanish insults. I don’t speak Spanish.”

“Allow me to translate: fuck. off.”

“Never.”

—————-

You're sitting on the sidelines of the set, absently going over your script and blocking.

“Hello you,” a low voice rings next to you.

A smile climbs onto your lips and you keep your attention on the pages.

“Fancy meeting you here,” you chime.

“Come here often?”

You giggle, finally looking up at him, but your breath is stolen. God , he looked so good as Joel.

“Querida, your face,” he chuckles, “we talked about this.”

You pause for a moment and realize what he’s implying. You must be blushing. Or drooling.

“I have no idea how I have an acting career,” you murmur.

He’s laughing and you can’t help but be reminded of a ray of light. He’s like a bright beam, reflected and refracted into a spectrum of color, streaking boldly across a sunlit room. Maybe you didn’t understand how someone could be ‘beaming’ until now.

He looks like he almost starts to reach out to touch you, maybe tuck a stray hair behind your ear or place a hand on your waist, but he aborts the movement.

Phillip approaches you and you break from your trance.

“Hey guys!” He greets, “how about a quick dry run fight before shooting?”

“Sounds good,” Pedro nods as you agree.

Someone from the props department appears with your fake knife and you thank them.

You do a slow motion run through, making sure the spacing and blocking is perfected for the set pieces around you.

The full speed run is just as intense as the first time you had tried it the night before. You’re panting on the floor by the end, and Pedro extends a hand to help you to your feet. You look up at him from underneath the fan of your lashes and he stares down at you all the same.

“Alright you definitely have the choreography down!” Phillip sings his praises and declares you both ready for filming.

“We’re going to start shooting in just a minute here,” Craig informs the room.

Jess is there, coming over to touch up your make up one last time and the guy from props reappears, returning the discarded knife back to you.

“You and Pedro have us sharing the good setting powder,” Jess laughs to herself, taking some onto her brush before Coco steals the container with a smile as she passes by.

It hits you all at once.

You left hickeys all over Pedro last night, didn’t you? You look over and see Coco brushing the powder over the side of his throat.

“ Jess, ” Your eyes are blown wide.

She pauses, regarding you with confusion for a moment until the realization appears on her face.

“Oh! Don’t worry, we’ll never tell. Makeup artists take an oath of secrecy,” She explains. “ However ,” She adds, “I am living vicariously through you. Just full transparency.”

“Fair,” you reply a bit distantly, still watching Pedro.

—-

Coco goes over to Pedro and starts on her final touch ups.

“You know,” she says quietly after a moment, “The weirdest thing happened earlier.”

“Yeah?” Pedro asks, suspicious of her playful tone.

“Yeah,” she replies, “A minute before you came in asking us to cover up your hickeys, your scene partner came in needing the same thing.”

“That is… quite a coincidence…” He agreed slowly.

“I’m glad one of us had sexcapades last night,” she assured him, “all I did was watch tv.”

“Please never say ‘sexcapade’ ever again,” Pedro muttered.

“Look, if you’re going for subtlety–tone it down,” She advises, “You look like you’re about to jump each other’s bones, not kill each other.”

“Fuck, it’s that obvious?” He asks.

She just replies with raised eyebrows and a smirk. “But–hey,” she says sincerely, “Good for you, Pedge. You deserve it.”

“Stop–” He swats her away with an embarrassed smile, “Making me blush. Joel doesn’t blush.”

“Go get ‘em tiger,” She pats him on the back before leaving.

A/N: Tell me what you liked most! I wanna know what my beloved slutty lil readers enjoy!

Chapter 2

#pedro pascal #pedro pascal x reader #hbo the last of us #pedro pascal smut #fanfiction #tlou

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race-week · 11 months ago

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F1 Sources

I’ve been asked a few times about what F1 sources I deem as being reliable and here’s a mostly conclusive list

Some of these are particularly reliable for news about certain teams/drivers, and some are all rounders

Magazines/Media Outlets

- AMuS (Auto Motor und Sport), German Motorsport publication, personally my holy grail. Very good for reports on technical stuff.

- Canal+, reliable particularly for Alpine related stuff

- Sky Sports UK, typically don’t comment on rumours until they’re essentially confirmed but sometimes say the wildest shit with no real bearing

- Sky Italia, reliable about Ferrari

- Autosport

- Motorsport.com

People

- Chris Medland, honestly my favourite journalist, he won’t report on anything until it’s verified. Very handy during race weekends

- Giuliano Duchessa, great technical information and also really good for Ferrari news

- Tobi Grüner, AMuS journalist. Does tech stuff but also paddock news

- Albert Fabrega, credible Spanish journalist. Good technical source, especially for upgrades

- Craig Scarborough, excellent technical source

- Andrew Benson, BBC journalist pretty decent information

- Jolyon Palmer, very good technical information (but be aware he is employed by FOM so some things that he says may be influenced by that)

- Erik van Haren, this one is so-so in my opinion. Usually has very accurate news about Red Bull/Verstappen but also has occasionally been used in the past as a mouthpiece of sorts

Less reliable sources (imo)

- ESPN, a bit of a FOM mouthpiece (compared to other sources)

- Lawrence Barretto, FOM employee typically says/writes what they want

- Will Buxton, FOM employee typically says/writes what they want

- Joe Saward, used to be somewhat reliable but recently talks a lot of nonsense

- The Race, sometimes can have good information (particularly things written by Mark Hughes) but a lot is clickbait nonsense

#f1 #f101 #these are my opinions on decent f1 media sources - if you have others feel free to share them

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haveyouplayedthisttrpg · 7 months ago

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Have you played LOW STAKES ?

By Craig Campbell and NerdBurger Games

Heavily inspired by What We Do In The Shadows, Low Stakes is a rules lite TTRPG where players take on the roles of monster roommates living in a house together going about daily life. As monsters, you all have your own powers that could come in handy but also your own personal issues that could get you into trouble. Sessions play out like episodes in a TV show complete with a documentary crew , characters gain confidence in their decisions and clout to sway their fellow roommates. Complete with “offscreen confessionals” where players talk to the film crew recording their house party or roadtrip.

#ttrpg #tabletop rpg #poll time #poll #usa #2020s #indie ttrpg #low stakes

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kestalsblog · 2 months ago

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Vampire Stanman 🧛🏻🩸

I really enjoyed writing this too much 🙈

TW: Crude language, mention of weapons, blood (nothing too graphic though). For mature audience since Eric has sadistic tendencies, but nothing explicit; all characters are in their twenties.

Enjoy Vampire Hunter Eric and Stanpire Stan 🥰

______________________________________________________________

At one point in Eric’s life, he never would have assumed that the best thing to happen to him would be South Park’s vampire infestation, but then again, nothing in his life (or South Park) ever followed a normal path.

The vampire colony had popped up about a decade ago, just about the time the undead fuckers started appearing in other random places across the globe, and Eric had been finishing high school. Pretty ideal time for Vampire Hunter to become a career option, especially since he’d never been too interested in anything besides potentially becoming a rabbi to fuck with Kyle. Getting paid to murder some bloodsucker, however, was an option he could get behind for real.

Humans were resourceful and quickly had learned the best self-defenses against the vampires, namely a variety of weapons coated in a special silver alloy lovingly deemed AVA (Anti-Vampire Alloy) designed specifically to destroy the vampires’ bodies. The weapons really were quite creative—Eric had wielded everything from an AVA-tipped stake to a flail after his tenth year in the business.

Honestly, even the slayings got boring after a while though because the fatalities were almost always the same, and Eric could only watch some bloodless guy impaled to a tree thrash himself to death before the sun had a chance to finish the job so many times.

Usually it went like this: he’d lure some idiot vampire in with the false promises of blood and/or sex, surprise the idiot with a blow to the back of the neck, and once the idiot was down, get him chained outside so the sun could take care of the rest and there’d be no chance of recovery. Sure, vampires were physically much stronger than humans, but their cravings were stronger too. It was the one case in Eric’s life where being heavy had come in handy because he was also heavier in blood than other, thinner people. Hell, he was practically a walking all-you-can-eat buffet to vampires, in his personal and correct opinion.

Today he’d chosen his preferred weapon—a small but sturdy and efficient dagger—to prepare for his meeting with the boss. He’d been called in for a “special mission,” which usually meant an exceptionally unruly and thirsty vampire had infiltrated the human side of the city. Most emergency cases were because a moronic human had sneaked into “South South Park” (the new nickname for the southernmost part of the city where the vampire colony resided) and gotten himself into trouble. Those cases were the worst of all because, truthfully, the human probably deserved to die for trespassing onto rival territory. As a certified Vampire Hunter, Eric wasn’t allowed to speak that particular viewpoint out loud, though.

Sure enough, things today were different.

“This one’s already killed several people,” Craig explained during the meeting. Eric would never refer to him as “Mr. Tucker” despite their differences in status. Craig had been the only other one of his classmates to go into the Vampire Hunting business after high school, and Eric was more than a little annoyed with how quickly he’d risen through the ranks to the top. He barely did any of the hunting and killing himself anymore, instead delivering orders.

But Eric couldn’t argue with Craig’s unbeatable kill count compared to all the other hunters in the area. Something about his strict personality and rigid moral code had molded him into the perfect ender of immortal lives.

“He burned down an entire farm,” Craig said, reading a report as he sat across his desk from Eric. The small silver crucifix he always wore around his throat glinted in the sharp sunlight from the window. It wasn’t uncommon for most people to wear some kind of AVA weaponry these days.

“Unusual for a vampire to be around fire,” commented Eric, running his finger idly down the engravings of his blade. By now, it had killed about thirty vampires.

“You’ve got that right.” Craig’s cement-gray eyes rose momentarily to meet Eric’s. “Sure is one deranged motherfucker. I’ll give you the coordinates. You think you got this, or you need backup?”

“Dude.” Eric withheld a chuckle of offense. “I’ve got this. I killed like five of them yesterday. Give me a little credit.”

“All right.” Craig laid the reports smooth against his desk, and the crucifix caught even more light, briefly blinding Eric so that when he blinked, he still saw the shape of the cross imprinted on the backs of his eyelids. “I hope your confidence serves you well. Good luck, Eric.”

Eric murmured, “I don’t need luck” as he got to his feet and hoped that maybe this vampire would at least be a little more interesting than the last dozen. He’d gone into this career to avoid the monotony of some unbearable office job, but the drudgery was catching up to him anyway. Why did each of life’s avenues point directly toward absolute boredom and dissatisfaction? Going home to an empty house in between killings didn’t exactly help.

“Please be more fun,” he whispered to himself outside as he checked the coordinates Craig had given him. This vampire was last spotted about a good distance outside of South Park, but since he’d killed South Park residents, he was their problem. Eric checked the app on his watch designed to tell him how long he had until sunset. About two hours. Perfect.

______________________________________________________________

The farm, which had previously been a hemp farm of all things, was a fucking wasteland by the time Eric arrived. Though most of the flames had burnt themselves out, there were black scorch marks rippling down all the rows of weed. Wisps of smoke rose into the air, and really it was hilarious how badly the place reeked now. The stench of skunk probably extended for miles, getting even the most innocent of townspeople high as a kite.

At least the vampire had a sense of humor.

After interviewing the farm’s owners, Eric learned the vampire had last been seen heading to an abandoned toolshed a few acres off the farm. The primary owner, a crude, distracted man, let him know through rambling speech that he’d followed the vampire there until he’d gotten worried about being too isolated with him and headed back. While he spoke, his wife and daughter sat behind him silently with haunted expressions.

Eric wasn’t afraid. He’d brought enough weapons to take down an entire fleet of vampires. The hardest part was the miserable, freezing journey to the toolshed, and the overwhelming weed fumes certainly didn’t help. By the time he spotted the derelict little building a couple of yards away, his head was comfortably fuzzy.

“I know you’re in there, piece of shit!” Eric shouted through the hole-torn wooden door that was barely hanging onto its hinges. The sun was only a thin orange crescent in between mountain valleys now. Pretty soon, the vampire would be at its peak strength. Normally Eric went for a different approach: his usual sweet talk and seduction, but right now he wasn’t in the mood. Right now, he was in a kicking-the-door-down-and-beating-some-ass kind of mood.

The door gave away under his foot like melting snow, and as soon as it was splinters on the ground, Eric saw the shadows in the toolshed’s furthest right corner shift. “Ha, think you can hide from me, fucker?” He slung the rifle he kept strapped to his back over his shoulder. Courtesy of Craig, the bullets were composed almost entirely of AVA. “Try to attack me, and I’ll blast your head off your shoulders.”

A dramatic hiss issued from within the shadows—this vampire was fucking pissed, and hell, Eric inwardly confessed to a little thrill at that realization. He caught sight of two brilliantly shining animal eyes through the darkness, and he aimed the rifle at what he thought was probably the vampire’s shoulder.

Before he could fire, though, the vampire stumbled forward. Dangerous move, considering the thin tunnel of sunlight spilling from the broken door. Between the fire and the crappy hiding place, this vampire must have had some kind of death wish. Eric felt his breath falter; his hands slipped on the weapon.

All vampires were more beautiful than humans, but Eric had gotten used to their steely features so long ago that they mostly had no effect on him anymore. This one, like everything else today, was different.

His face was perfectly pale, almost the same shade as the whites of his eyes. And inside those whites were two pinpoint-sized, crystal blue irises locked intensely on Eric. Even though his features might have appeared soft on a human face, something about his unmoving posture sharpened his jawline and the bridge of his nose. Maybe he was too thin. Maybe his eyes were too wide for his face. Messy black hair that melded into the shadows topped his head, with the finest, darkest strands falling elegantly like long eyelashes down his forehead.

He extended his hands in the universal “stop” gesture, giving Eric a chance to see that his palms and fingers were swollen and discolored to a strange plum shade. He’d seen enough injured vampires to know these were burn marks.

“You accidentally burnt yourself setting the weed up in flames, didn’t you?” Eric couldn’t help but chuckle. “Well, whose fault was that, huh? That desperate to get stoned?”

The vampire’s pupils shrunk unbelievably smaller, and he opened his jaws wide to hiss again. This time, Eric realized the sound was oddly muted. Leaning closer, he saw that someone had placed something over the vampire’s upper row of teeth that looked somewhat like a human’s mouthguard. The material appeared less gummy and thicker, though, a gentle grayish shade that told Eric it was laced with AVA too.

“What the hell?” he mumbled, lowering the rifle by an inch. The vampire relaxed at that, his shoulders and scorched hands lowering. Long strands of saliva foamed out the sides of the mouthguard and down his jawbones and chin. Eric had never seen a weapon quite like it, but he could tell immediately that there was no way the vampire could remove it. If he so much as touched the metal-tinted material, he’d be stricken with terrible agony. Maybe the injuries across his hands were not entirely from the fire, then. Maybe the fire had been an act of utter desperation born out of suffering.

Eric tested another step forward, and the vampire retreated some with another miserable, weakened hiss. “How long has that thing been on your teeth?” he asked. “Who put it there?” Surely Craig would have let him know about any new weapons; he always kept up to date with innovative vampire-destroying contraptions. And why would another Vampire Hunter get close enough to put this thing on his teeth, but then leave him alive? Eric didn’t give two fucks about vampires, but even he felt it was unusually barbaric behavior.

Either the mouthguard made speaking impossible, or the vampire simply didn’t want to answer him. Instead, he kept emitting the same pathetic hisses again and again as he retreated further into the corner’s darkness. Eric wasn’t sure the vampire would be strong enough to fight him even in full nighttime. The vampire’s knees were shaking, clacking into one another.

“You could probably still bite down with it on, you know,” Eric said, wondering why he was giving advice to a killer. “If you tried hard enough, you could probably still break the skin.”

“Hurts,” the vampire choked out, his first word, though it came out more like “hurtsth” with the material surrounding his teeth. More saliva ran from his gums, which were also colored an unusual mauve shade. His eyes searched Eric’s face with anguished fervor. He was starving.

A wild idea struck Eric’s mind—a stupid idea, really, but once it was there, it infested his mind and possessed all his urges. Without further thought, he took the dagger from his pocket and pressed its blade into his own palm. As soon as the first bead of blood budded to the surface of his skin, he heard the vampire’s sharp gasp.

When he looked up, the vampire was staring with merciless focus at his hand. The tip of his tongue protruded goofily from the side of his mouth with the force of his thirst. “You want this, don’t you?” taunted Eric, lifting his palm. The vampire’s pupils snapped almost mechanically to follow every movement of Eric’s hand.

When the ball of blood grew larger and broke into a small stream down Eric’s hand, the vampire moaned with uncontrolled lust and lunged forward. Eric gasped, trying to aim the rifle again, but it was promptly knocked from his good hand. All light from outside had dwindled now, and the vampire stood before him in the moonlight.

“Wait,” Eric cried with a little anxiety when the vampire’s frigid fingers locked onto his wrist, but then he remembered he couldn’t be bitten. The vampire's fingers were textured with large blistering lumps from his injuries, and Eric felt the strange, softened tips of the vampire’s coated teeth as they grazed against his skin. But then the feeling was replaced with an unpleasantly cold, dry tongue on his palm.

Eric wondered if the vampire could hear his heart accelerating as he looked down and watched him lick violently and urgently at his hand. He curved his tongue down all the lines of his skin and even between his fingers; clearly, he didn’t want to miss a drop. This was the perfect opportunity for Eric to kill him—he was weak and exposed, his faded red and blue coat barely tattered lines of fabric across his torso.

But for some reason, Eric didn’t want to kill him. He watched with fascination as the beautiful man dropped to his knees before him, his long fingers still circled around his wrist, and he continued dabbing his tongue pitifully to the dried-up wound. He was probably (no, without a doubt) the most beautiful creature Eric had ever seen in his life, like someone’s piece of artwork come to life.

Killing him almost seemed like a punishment to himself because he’d never get to look at him again.

Eric wondered why the vampire hadn’t savagely torn some animal apart by now just to lap at its blood if nothing else, even if he couldn’t suck it through his teeth like vampires normally did. Maybe he had been doing that, and it still wasn’t enough.

“Please,” the vampire started whimpering frantically, his jaw loosening with the effort it took him to speak. No more blood would spill no matter how he prodded Eric’s skin with his tongue, which was a little warmer now. Eric watched his eyes pause on the small pulsing vein of Eric's wrist, and his pupils contracted with tormented desire. “Please.” His eyelids fluttered, and his brows rose far into his hair. “Please.”

Eric had never heard a voice like it, had never beheld such violent, feral longing in all his life. Knowing how desperate the vampire must be, and knowing how that desperation didn't make one difference because he couldn't possibly get what he wanted without depending on Eric, warmed Eric's body all over.

The sight of it, the sound of it, sent unsettled excitement all throughout his bloodstream. He couldn’t recall a time he’d last felt like this, though all his life he’d wanted to feel like this and had dreamed about, no craved, feeling this alive and powerful.

This beautiful being’s life was literally in his hands. Strapped to him were all the weapons that could end the vampire's life, but his body was also teeming with the one thing that could keep him alive.

Eric took a step backward, and the vampire threw his arms around his thigh, his pleas continuing while Eric’s phone buzzed in his pocket. “Be quiet,” he told the vampire when he saw the call was from Craig. To his surprise, the vampire silenced immediately, freezing in his subservient position with his arms around Eric's leg. Another thrill.

“Eric, it’s been a while,” Craig said. “Are you having trouble? Is it dead?”

Eric glanced down at the vampire, who was looking back at him with large, unblinking, imploring eyes. The tiny dribble of blood he’d consumed had brought the faintest of pink tinges to his cheeks. Like a marble sculpture, he stared with total stillness.

“Uh—” Eric started, the dilemma between the truth and a major lie stalling him for only a moment before he said, “yeah. He’s dead. I told you I had this. Everything’s good.”

“Oh, okay, great. See you soon about the payment.”

Craig was never one for extending phone calls beyond their natural expiration dates, and Eric thanked God for that fact when the conversation came to an immediate close. He turned his focus to the vampire.

“Look, you can’t tell anyone about this,” he ordered. “As far as anyone knows, I killed you. But if you stay here and listen to me, I can help you some." Never mind the long drive, Eric was already telling himself. This was totally worth it. "Do what I say, and I’ll give you more of my blood. Maybe one day I’ll even take that thing off your teeth. If you behave.”

That was all the vampire needed to hear. His head started shaking up and down in rapid, foolish agreement. Eric tested reaching an unsteady hand toward the top of the vampire’s head. His fingers trembled with unbridled exhilaration when he touched the silky-soft locks, much softer and thicker than a human’s.

Instead of withdrawing from him, the gorgeous vampire leaned into the touch, nudging his head closer as if wanting to be petted. Vampires were sexual, needy creatures by nature. Add that to their hunger, and they could be unstoppably salacious. Eric sensed an unusual sweetness to this one, though, even through his rabid desire for blood.

“You’re mine now,” whispered Eric, his eyes never leaving the vampire as he began to craft the lie that he would tell the farm owners. “All mine. Do you understand?” He tugged gently at the hair, and the vampire only lifted his titillating, clouding eyes to meet his.

A feeling returned to Eric then, something he hadn’t experienced since early childhood and thought was long gone—the emotion he’d developed when manipulating his mother into buying him a particularly desired video game, or whenever sliding convenient store candy bars up his sleeves. Secret possession and unconditional control set his body ablaze in ways he’d never been able to explain to anyone, even himself.

Maybe he’d never entirely outgrown breaking the rules.

#south park #south park stanman #eric cartman #stan marsh #vampires #drabble #south park does not belong to me obviously #credit to matt stone and trey parker #fanfic

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legoflowrs · 1 year ago

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HEAD CANNONS:

cw: tiny bit of nsfw, drug use, abuse, drinking, smoking

AGED UP TO 18 PEOPLE!!!

Kenny McCormick

- Kenny has a southern twinge thanks to his parents. They moved from Texas early on into Kenny’s life but thanks to always being surrounded by it he inherited it.

- Kenny works at least 2 jobs for most of high school. He has always been financially independent and wants to make sure he can take care of Karen.

- Lowkey a mamas boy always felt bad for Carol and tried to help her when he could.

- His Dad never hit him but he has always been pretty emotionally and verbally abusive, especially when he was drunk.

- This doesn’t deter Kenny from drinking but he’s the complete opposite of his Dad when he’s drunk. Kenny is a nice drunk, telling all his friends how much he loves them.

- Kenny has done all the piercings he has himself. Definitely had at least 6 in each ear and he’d probably have shark bites as well as a nose ring.

- Kenny LOVES tattoos. He’s done a few stick and pokes on himself but he met someone who did a professional one on him. He saved up for ages to get it. It’s a lark tattoo which is Karen’s favourite bird. He got it on his forearm.

- Karen is super into helping animals so every Saturday Kenny drives her to the animal shelter.

- His favourite cookie is snickerdoodles because his Grandma used to send them to his family every Christmas before she passed away.

- He has a truck that’s his passion project. I genuinely believe he went into a mechanic’s apprenticeship when school finished. He’s very smart and very handy with tools as he had to fix a lot of shit growing up.

- Kenny skates a lot. It’s a good stress reliever and it gives him adrenaline without the danger of him dying.

- Speaking of which he is still immortal but he got smarter with it when he grew up.

- I firmly believe in pansexual Kenny supremacy! He doesn’t care who you are if he likes you he likes you.

- WOLF CUT KENNY!!!!!

-Thrifting god! He’s what every tik tok girlie wants to be. I head cannon he goes thrifting with Heidi cause she’s super environmentally conscious.

- He’s friends with everyone! I think as they grew older he became super close with Stan. They bond over their shitty family’s.

- Eased up with the drugs over time after Karen found him after he overdosed in their bathroom once. Usually sticks to weed.

- Has hooked up with Henrietta (she thinks he’s the only somewhat okay conformist in south park and they usually smoke together after), Bebe (this caused a massive rift between him and Clyde), Red once or twice and Tammy.

- He flirts around a lot but doesn’t sleep around as much as people think.

- He would be extremely respectful in a long term relationship but he just hasn’t found the time to take care of anyone other than himself and Karen.

- Loves camping!!! He is very rugged and keen on doing heaps of stuff outdoors since he didn’t have that much to entertain himself growing up.

- Listens to all types of music but especially loves soft rock! It helps him mellow out.

- Would move out with Stan! Until him and Kyle started dating.

- Great with kids !!

- He pushed Stan to confess his feelings for Kyle and to this day takes credit for their relationship!

- Regularly works out! Made a makeshift home gym and Stan and Kyle join him often.

- Distanced himself from Cartman after he realised what a piece of shit he was.

- Was Majorines biggest support when she transitioned! They are super close and Kenny has a very soft spot for her.

- Hangs out with Craig to smoke and they talk about life (a little OOC for Craig but whatever lol).

- Kenny has a scar on his left eyebrow from the first time he died. It never went away and serves as a permanent reminder that he should be more careful.

- Defs a MILF lover lol.

- Drinks oat milk, Heidi put him into it.

- Him and Karen went vegetarian for a while!

- Super sporty, played football for a while but dropped it when he got bored. Stuck with track for most of high school.

- Smart but didn’t apply himself at school! Would skip often and was the guy everyone hated to be in group projects with.

- Plays the base. Did a stint with Stan in a band for a while. They still regularly play with Marj and Jimmy just for fun.

- A GOD at multiplayer video games. No one wants to verse him anymore.

- Still has his collection of playboys lol. Too attached to throw them out but would die if Karen saw them (she has seen them).

- Country music is his guilty pleasure.

- Smokes cigs but switched to vaping when Karen complained about the smell.

- Played Ice Hockey with Stan for a while.

- Was in the wedding party for both Creek and Style.

- Pre Karen complaining about the smell of cigs he smelt like cigarettes, motor oil and cinnamon.

Kenny in a relationship

- Physical touch!!!!!! That’s his main love language. Would always have his hands on your waist, the small of your back, holding your hand, stroking your hair!!

- He also loves acts of service. Your milk is running low? He runs to the store and tops it up. Light bulb went out? Changes it without even being asked.

- He’s pretty experienced with sex. Loves giving and making you feel good. It’s pretty much a reward for him.

- Whole heartedly loves you, would never even consider cheating. Super loyal!

- Loves going to the drive ins for a date! It was his first date with you and he has a soft spot for it.

- You cook and he cleans!!

- Wants to be friends with your friends and wants you to like his friends. His world is yours too when you guys are dating.

- You babysit Karen often even though she’s older now. I definitely think she’d love having a sort of older sibling to go to.

- Whenever Kenny sees you with Karen he gets instant baby fever lol and often you know what ensues.

- You bought him a record player for his birthday and he just about died. You guys slow danced for hours.

- He will be there any time of day or night to pick you up.

- I think he’ll know pretty early on he wants marriage. Keeps it to himself for a while until you guys have been in a committed relationship.

- Loves seeing the little fashion shows after you go shopping he thinks it adorable.

- Gotten to the point where if you aren’t in bed with him he doesn’t really sleep well.

- I think he has an anxious attachment style but that’s definitely worked on!

- Will take you camping even if you don’t like it lmao.

- Makes you a playlist on a CD because he’s an old man.

- Uses your body wash cause he’s a cheap bitch….

- Loves breakfast in bed.

- Would have double dates with y’all and Style and Creek occasionally.

- You get on with Majorine like a house on fire. At first you were very insecure of her because you knew at one point Kenny had a thing for her but he’s actually good at reassuring you, that you’re the one he wants.

- You guys aren’t prefect, when y’all fight it can be explosive and he usually goes for a drive but he can’t stop thinking about it.

- Decided to go to couples therapy when you got engaged to work some things out before y’all committed to marriage.

- Obsessed with you lol 10/10 partner.

A/N: first post kinda nervous lmao. kenny is my fav love him to bits. idk if any of these are kinda OOC but this is just for funsies! Also added his moodboard slay vibes.

#kenny mccormick #south park x reader #kenny mccormick x reader #kenny mccormick head cannons #i love kenny lol

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twistedtummies2 · 2 months ago

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Top 15 Vampires (Who AREN'T Dracula)

Something a lot of people seem to misconstrue about me is that I am a massive fan of vampires and vampire fiction. This really isn’t the case: what I AM is a massive fan of Bram Stoker’s “Dracula,” specifically. I am fascinated by seeing different interpretations of that particular novel, and especially its title character. When it comes to vampire fiction as a whole, I am much less well-versed and interested. SPOILER ALERT: you won’t be seeing TV franchises like “True Blood,” “Buffy the Vampire Slayer,” “Dark Shadows,” or “What We Do in the Shadows” here, for the simple fact that I have never seen any of them and really don’t have any intention of seeing them. This applies to a lot of other television programs, works of literature, films, and video games: vampires, by default, do not automatically equal my vested interest. HOWEVER…this does not mean I have NO interest in vampires, as a concept. Long before Bram Stoker’s seminal work was published and reached its heights of popularity, the idea of the vampire - an undead creature who rises from the grave to drain the blood of the living - was a fantasy and myth spanning not only many centuries, but many different cultures. Just about every nation, region, and spiritual belief under the setting Sun has had some variation of the vampire legend, and written stories of vampiric characters and events date back much, much further back than Stoker’s time. What “Dracula” really did was bring the concept into the popular consciousness, especially through its renditions onstage and in motion pictures, in a way no written or orally transferred piece of work had done before. That popularity has really only continued to grow over the decades. Being such a widespread idea, and one with increasing fascination for many people over time, it’s only natural that while I may favor Dracula and his exploits beyond all the rest, I have still seen SOME pieces of vampire fiction not necessarily related to the Count of Transylvania. So, I decided it was time to give all of them some attention. Now, I should point out that I won’t be counting characters I already talked about on my Top 31 Favorite Dracula list: even if they aren’t technically Dracula himself, such as with The Count from “Sesame Street,” or Count Chocula, it just seems like cheating to include them here since…well…I already brought them up, and it was in relation to Dracula! With that said, some Dracula-inspired characters WILL be present on this list that did NOT get discussed in the past, because Dracula-inspired does not equal Dracula himself. Also, I will be including characters who are dhampirs - half-vampire, half-human - or might be considered “unconventional vampires,” so to speak. If they have all the hallmarks I’m looking for, they can be eligible. Oh, and if you’re a fan of “Twilight”...firstly, you probably shouldn’t be reading this, and secondly, you’re going to be massively disappointed. :P Now that we’ve established those points…let’s waste no more time. Prepare some garlic and, if you don’t have any crucifixes handy, consider buying a couple: these are My Top 15 Favorite Vampires…Who AREN’T Count Dracula.

15. NOS-4-A2, from Buzz Lightyear of Star Command.

Starting off with an unconventional sort of vampire. NOS-4-A2 is Dracula parody character, created by the evil Emperor Zurg. He is a robotic “energy vampire” who detests the taste of blood, instead feeding off electrical energy. This, of course, still makes him a very dangerous threat, especially in a sci-fi styled universe with so many electronic gadgets and gizmos laying around, and with more robots roaming the galaxy than you can shake a stick at. Ultimately breaking away from his creator’s influence, NOS-4-A2 continued to bedevil the heroes of Star Command throughout the show’s run, and was arguably the scariest major villain of the whole show. This is especially fascinating since he was played by Craig Ferguson, of all people; not the most obvious casting to play a vampire of any kind, I’d say.

14. Demetri Maximoff, from Darkstalkers.

These games were inspired by the Universal Monsters of yore, with characters based on figures of fright like the Wolfman, the Frankenstein Monster, and the Mummy, just to name a few. Demetri is effectively the Dracula surrogate of the franchise…but, since he ISN’T actually Dracula, and I have not mentioned him before, I think he can count here. (Plus, in the…very, VERY bad cartoon series loosely based on the games, Dracula is actually present as a character and is Demetri’s uncle, so…there’s that, too, I guess.) Demetri is an extremely vain and power-hungry vampire warlord, who believes himself to be superior to not only all humans, but perhaps all other forms of life. This led to him arrogantly challenging the demon Belial to a duel in a time long past. Demetri lost, and thus was banished to the mortal realm, where he now seeks to find a way to regain his former glory. His greatest rival is the succubus, Morrigan, daughter of Belial. Demetri isn’t particularly complex, but he IS a very entertainingly dark and powerful character. At the same time, there are some humorous aspects to Maximoff’s personality: one of his special moves, “Midnight Bliss,” literally causes him to turn the male characters he fights into comical female forms, because Demetri really, REALLY prefers the blood of women to that of men. Also, how many other vampires will stop in the middle of a fight to spray themselves with cologne?

13. Lady Dimitrescu, from Resident Evil Village.

I could be entirely wrong about this, but I got the feeling that “Village”- much like the Darkstalkers franchise - was Resident Evil’s throwback to the classic Universal Monsters. When the villains include an elegant vampire, a werewolf, a mad scientist, and a mutant fish person, and the setting is a creepy little town with a dark castle? You’ll forgive me if I see certain parallels. Regardless of any influences, I think it’s fair to say that Lady Dimitrescu, a.k.a. “The Tall Lady,” stands on her own two (very long) legs quite well. While all of the villains in the game are different shades of awesome, Lady D. is by far the most popular. She is the first major antagonist the players encounter in this action/horror combination, as we are forced to try and escape from her Gothic castle while facing not only her, but also her equally wicked daughters. Dimitrescu isn’t a typical vampire, but rather the result of scientific mutation, which has transformed her into a vampire-like creature with a humanoid veneer. Still, she’s no more unconventional than NOS-4-A2, I’d say (or a bunch of other characters still to come), so I don’t see any reason she can’t count.

12. Father Abel Nightroad, from Trinity Blood.

Finally, a character who is decidedly NOT influenced by Dracula! There are a ton of vampire-themed anime out there, but I haven’t seen very many of them; again, I’m more into Dracula, specifically, than vampires as a whole. However, there are a few characters and shows on this list, and this guy is the first of them. “Trinity Blood” focuses on the adventures of Abel Nightroad, who is one of only two surviving members of a race known as a Crusnik (also spelled “Krusnik;” not sure which is the more generally accepted spelling): while vampires feed on human beings, a Crusnik is essentially a vampire that feeds on other vampires. Abel works for the Vatican (which, in the alternate reality of the series, has basically taken over the human world…read into that what you will), acting as a sort of ambassador, trying to keep peace between the nation of humans and the nation of vampires. Abel is a classic example of a character type I really love: I don’t know what the name for it is, but it’s a scenario where the character often appears to be silly and goofy and perhaps even a sweetheart, but underneath it all they are made of steel and can be VERY dangerous. Characters like Sans, The Doctor, Disney’s Clopin, Adrian Monk…the list goes on. Abel is one of those types: on the surface, at first glance, he’s a clumsy, sugar-addicted, perpetually-broke goofball who tries desperately to avoid all conflict. When the chips are down, however, he’s quick to remind those who cause trouble why he’s basically the alpha predator of this world’s food chain. It’s the classic “beware the fury of a patient man” concept: when the peaceful priest is also a vampire of vampires, the last thing you want to do is make him mad.

11. Taiga Nobori, a.k.a. Kamen Rider Saga, from Kamen Rider Kiva.

“Kamen Rider Kiva” is a Japanese superhero program - part of the long-running “Kamen Rider” franchise - themed around…you guessed it…Universal Monsters. The series focuses on the titular Kamen Rider Kiva (real name Wataru Kurenai), who uses his powers to hunt down shapeshifting, vampiric monsters referred to as “Fangires.” The Fangires are ruled by a chess-themed group of superiors known as the Checkmate Four. At the time of the series’ start, the current leader of the Checkmate Four is this character: Taiga Nobori, who becomes a rival of Wataru under the identity of Kamen Rider Saga. Taiga is a childhood friend of Wataru, who is ultimately revealed to secretly be his long lost sibling. Despite this, he at first plays an antagonistic role in the story; as the series goes on, he has to struggle with his relationship with Wataru, his love for Mio - a lady both of them love dearly - and his responsibility as the new King of the Fangires. Again, not by any means a conventional vampire (or dhampir), but a very fun character and more than worthy of placement on my personal list.

10. Bunnicula.

This little guy is almost undoubtedly the cutest life-sucking undead creature in history. Why? Well…he’s a bunny. A cute, adorable, fluffy, sweet little bunny with big red eyes and a little widow’s peak marking on his noggin. How can you NOT love this fuzzy little sweetheart? If I weren’t allergic to rabbits, I’d snuggle him to bits! Bunnicula is the mascot of the popular “Bunnicula” book series…however, in the original books, he’s not actually the main character. In fact, there are several short novels where Bunnicula never appears. He is, however, nevertheless, a prominent figure throughout the series. The books typically follow a certain formula: Chester the Cat and Harold the Dog encounter some spooky, creepy thing. Chester - an over-dramatic ham who never likes to admit his true feelings and isn’t as smart as he thinks he is - tries to solve the mystery in the most inept and hilarious way possible. Harold, who is much more practical and reasonable, basically acts as the straight man to hold back Chester’s crazy. Bunnicula is, at first, Chester’s arch-nemesis, as the cat believes the vampire bunny has plans for world domination…but in fact, Bunnicula is completely harmless. He doesn’t drink blood, but instead just drains vegetables of their juices, leaving shriveled, dried-up husks behind. It’s a bit creepy, sure, but he has no desire to hurt people or other animals. And, even though he may be centuries old, he’s still basically just a baby bunny; he’s way too young and sweethearted to even imagine world conquest. The books are highly popular - renowned for their messages of tolerance and looking-before-one-leaps - and have been the inspiration for multiple reimaginings and adaptations. Most of these versions give Bunnicula even more vampiric powers and heighten his role in things. Regardless, however, his basic personality remains the same: occasionally mischievous, but generally just a cuddly little bun-bun…who also happens to be an immortal vegetable-draining demon, but that’s just part of his charm.

9. Lestat de Lioncourt, from The Vampire Chronicles.

I don’t think I’m physically ALLOWED to talk about vampires (that are not Dracula) without acknowledging the work of Anne Rice. She is the author of “The Vampire Chronicles,” an EXTREMELY popular series that many consider to be second only to Dracula, in terms of influential literature. The books focus on the life and adventures of Lestat de Lioncourt: a centuries old vampire, living in 1980s America. Once the son of a nobleman, Lestat was transformed into a vampire by an ancient evil; in the modern day, he is now the head of a vampiric rock band. Rice is often credited with revitalizing interest in vampires as a concept, especially focusing on the sexual overtones of the idea, and the sympathetic qualities of a lonely, eternal life. This reputation is…somewhat dubious; as far as I can tell, these things were popular and noteworthy well before her first book was published. In my opinion, the REAL power of Rice’s work is due to two specific factors. First, the explicitness of the writing: her books are some of the raunchiest and most violently bloodthirsty vampire novels written up to that time. Through literature, she gets away with stuff that, up to that point, not even most films - in a genre that was growing increasingly brutal and randy - could get away with. Second, and I think this is where her reputation really shows its power…Lestat himself, and the way he’s treated. It’s not simply that Lestat is a sympathetic character, it’s that - unlike, as far as I can tell, ALL major, noteworthy vampires in fiction before him - he isn’t treated necessarily as a monster. He is not the antagonist, but instead the main character we follow and learn about, as well as learn from. While he is not necessarily a hero, he also isn’t the villain, and is not meant to be seen as such; he is simply a man who has lived a very long life. And like any man, ESPECIALLY one who has lived a long life, he has done many terrible things…but he has also done many good things. Ultimately, I personally find other vampires and vampire stories much more interesting than Rice’s work, but the influence she’s had cannot be ignored. Lestat is more than deserving of recognition in my Top 10.

8. Vamp, from Metal Gear Solid.

Of all the unconventional vampires on this countdown, Vamp is arguably the weirdest. Rather than a supernatural being, Vamp is what might be termed a “science vampire”: the result of biological experimentation, rather than anything magical or paranormal. Not only that, but despite looking like a vampire, having vampire-like abilities, being of stereotypically vampirish Romanian descent, and even having a literal taste for blood…Vamp’s name has NOTHING to do with him being a “vampire.” (Where does his name come from? Look it up, I find it to be absolutely stupid, so I’m not naming it here.) It’s as if the creators wanted to make a vampire character, yet for some baffling reason didn’t want to make him a “real” vampire. While this whole setup is utterly backwards, it does nothing to harm the actual character, thankfully. Vamp is one of the more well-known antagonists in the MGS series, despite only appearing properly in two games, and a personal favorite of mine (for obvious reasons). He is vicious, mysterious, has a slight flair for the dramatic, and generally is just really, REALLY cool. The most noteworthy thing about Vamp - aside from his superhuman strength and speed, and the fact that he’s REALLY hard to kill - is his skill with knives and daggers. Whether it’s wielding them at close quarters or flinging them about left and right, his abilities with blades make him a particularly frightening foe to take on, and his boss battles are among the more tricky in the titles he appears in. Kudos must also go to voice acting great Phil LaMarr, whose unsettling performance is a big part of the character’s appeal. Whether he’s a “true” vampire or not, Vamp is certainly vampire-themed, and therefore I say still more than counts for the top ten on my list.

7. Seras Victoria, from Hellsing Ultimate.

I specifically credit “Hellsing Ultimate” because I haven’t watched the original Hellsing anime, nor have I read the manga. With that said, “Hellsing Ultimate” is one of my favorite anime programs, as well as quite possibly the single most violent I’ve ever seen. While the main protagonist of the series is Count Dracula-I mean, Alucard (GREAT way to disguise your identity there, sir), I would argue it’s the apparent secondary protagonist of the series who has the most dynamic story arc. That character is everyone’s favorite “Police Girl,” Seras Victoria. At the start of the show, Seras is a young rookie cop whose squad is attacked by a horde of ghouls, controlled by a villainous vampire. Alucard is only able to save her life by transforming her into a vampire as well. The rest of the series has Seras trying to balance who she is with what she’s become: she not only has to discover how to handle her newfound vampiric powers, but also has to learn and accept what it really means to be a vampire. Some people seem to dismiss Seras as pithy comic relief - she is the most lighthearted character of the main cast - but I feel that’s an extremely unfair assessment: while I admit it took a little time for me to warm up to her, I now feel she’s one of the most interesting characters in the show, second only to Alucard. Seras is earnest and altruistic, at times almost childlike…but she is also more than capable of kicking butt, and is as mighty on the battlefield as virtually any of her comrades. It’s that wonderful dichotomy of her being a good, gentle person and a powerful, stalwart warrior that makes her so enjoyable. It’s rare you’ll find well-written, strong female characters who are able to be impressive physical threats while also still being generally good-hearted human beings, as well as very funny to watch. Seras is such a rarity, and earns all the praise she gets and more for it.

6. Carmilla.

If there is a single vampire that has been portrayed as often as Dracula…well, factually, there hasn’t been. But if there is one who comes close, it’s the Countess Karnstein: the titular character of the story “Carmilla” by J.S. LeFanu. Her story was, in fact, an influence on Bram Stoker when he created “Dracula.” The story is most well-known because it is heavily, HEAVILY implied that Carmilla is a lesbian: considering the tale was published in the 1870s, it’s kind of amazing that LeFanu got away with that. Of course, the REASON he got away with it is because he depicted the lesbian character as being a literal bloodthirsty monster, but Carmilla, in the book, is also something of a tragic figure. Her feelings for Laura - a young lady who befriends her, not realizing Carmilla wants to make her into her next victim (and probably has the hots for her) - are ultimately unreciprocated, but from Carmilla’s side at least, they seem to be genuine, or at least very passionate. Once she is slain, Laura doesn’t rejoice: she admits that she misses the person she considered a friend, and still has nightmares about the horrible truth itself. The character of Carmilla has appeared multiple times beyond the story, but sadly I haven’t seen many interpretations: Hammer Horror’s “Karnstein Trilogy” of films follow the book to a point, before veering off into wilder territory. In the “Castlevania” franchise, Carmilla is a recurring antagonist, usually serving as Dracula’s rival, follower, or both. She is referenced in “The Batman vs. Dracula” as Dracula’s former bride. In “Fate/Grand Order,” it’s revealed that Carmilla’s true identity is the infamous serial killer Elisabeth Bathory. None of these have ANYTHING to do with LeFanu’s story, but they are certainly intriguing. There are much more faithful versions out there, if you look, but I have not experienced them…yet. I was very tempted to name Carmilla in my Top 5, but ultimately I think there are just more characters, in general, I like more, so she just barely misses out. Sorry, ma’am.

5. Noe Archiviste, from The Case Study of Vanitas.

If there is a single vampire ALMOST as adorable as the aforementioned Bunnicula, I would argue it’s Noe: one of the main protagonists of the anime “The Case Study of Vanitas.” The show is based on the manga (which I still need to read) by Jun Mochizuki: the creator of my favorite manga (and what SHOULD have been my favorite anime), “Pandora Hearts.” While PH is a reimagining of the “Alice” stories by Lewis Carroll, “Case Study of Vanitas” is an homage to various works of dark period fiction. It contains various references - some more obvious than others - to literary works like “The Island of Dr. Moreau,” classic horror films like “Nosferatu,” and more. The plot is set in a steampunk universe where vampires and humans co-habitate more or less harmoniously. Many vampires in this world are infected with a mysterious curse, which turns them into violent monsters. Noe is a young vampire nobleman, who - while traveling to Paris - ends up becoming a bodyguard for the mysterious Vanitas: a self-proclaimed doctor who uses a magical book to “heal” cursed vampires. At first, the two start off on a very rocky relationship, but as time goes on, they eventually become friends. Noe is wonderful because of the dichotomy of his character: on the one hand, he’s absolutely precious. Seriously. He’s usually friendly, naive, at times a bit dim, tries hard to be polite, loves his pet cat, and is filled with a sense of spellbound wonder at the world around him, showing an excitable playfulness. He’s typically just the most loveable cinnamon bun of a vampire you could ever meet. On the flip side, however…he IS a vampire, and not only that, he’s a POWERFUL vampire. While he’s usually an absolute sweetheart, his patience is not limitless: if Noe is angered, or feels a need to defend himself, he can be TERRIFYING. I really love characters who have that kind of dual nature, and Noe is a great example of it: easily a fine pick for my top five.

4. David, from The Lost Boys (1987).

It’s hard to believe, given the bad rap he often gets nowadays for movies like “Batman & Robin,” that filmmaker Joel Schumacher was actually considered a highly respected and talented movie master. He, in fact, made a bunch of REALLY good movies in his time, and many would argue that this horror-comedy blend is his best. “The Lost Boys” is considered one of the most influential modern vampire stories, alongside the aforementioned works of Anne Rice, but in a different kind of way: the vampires in the Lost Boys are not elegant, glamorous figures, nor sympathetic immortals tortured by their own eternity. These are what I call “punk vampires”: the main villains are basically your standard biker gang of Goth hoodlums, who love wearing leather, smoking, drinking, causing general street mayhem, and swagger around with cocksure pride in their antics. They just also happen to be vampires, and have all the powers vampire have as a result: extended lifespans, eternal youth, flight, superhuman strength, and various other supernatural abilities. The allure of these vampires comes from their vivacity and fun; there’s a certain “wish fulfillment” aspect to the way the vampires are portrayed in “The Lost Boys,” as they represent all the things people sort of WISH they could do…but the cost of having so much power and access to so many thrills is very high. Nowhere is this better embodied than in the main antagonist, David, played by Kiefer Sutherland. David is a charismatic fellow with a commanding presence and charm. He is the quintessential “bad boy”: a sensual, attractive portrait of raw danger. He is also, however, a murderous psychopath, without a shred of compassion left in his soul. Whenever I think of vampires, David is one of the first characters I imagine, and more than worthy of a spot in my top five.

3. Genevieve Dieudonne, from the works of Kim Newman.

I say “the works of Kim Newman” because Genevieve was originally created as the heroine of a series of books by Newman called “Drachenfels.” These books are connected to the highly popular “Warhammer” franchise. I know basically nothing about either of these things. So, how is Diuedonne so high up in the ranks? Well, as it turns out, Newman also used the same character as one of the main protagonists of another series I really, REALLY love: “Anno Dracula.” For those who came in late, “Anno Dracula” is set in an alternate universe where Dracula succeeds in taking over England, ultimately turning a large number of the population of Europe into vampires. In many ways, I think the books succeed in doing something that I personally feel other vampire stories that are perhaps more acclaimed - such as the works of Anne Rice - didn’t quite manage for me: they completely humanize the vampires. Vampires in Anno Dracula aren’t treated as monsters inherently; they may drink blood, dislike sunlight, and have certain weaknesses, but at heart, they’re still basically just people. Some are good, some are bad; it really depends on what is in their heart of hearts. Other universes that have come since have taken this idea as well, but “Anno Dracula” is the first I’m aware of, and in my opinion still the best attempt at the idea. Genevieve herself stands as a testament to this philosophy: she is essentially the “Anti-Dracula.” She is even more ancient than the Count, and presumably just as powerful, if not moreso. However, while Dracula is a self-serving villain who seeks power and glory, Genevieve is a good person at heart, who simply tries to do what she feels is best for not only her fellow vampires, but for people as a whole. She has many of Dracula’s abilities and traits we would recognize - being very dramatic in her own way, very cunning, extremely well-educated, and also an experienced warrior - but she has gone in an extremely different direction as a person. I don’t know how the version in the Warhammer universe compares to Genevieve in “Anno Dracula,” but if she’s anything like the one there, it only cements how much she deserves place in my Top 3.

2. Blade & Morbius, from Marvel.

There are many vampires and vampire-like creatures and characters in the Marvel universe. Dracula himself, as I’ve said in the past, is among those ranks. However, aside from Dracula, two particular vampiric figures stand out amongst the crowd: Blade the Vampire Hunter, and Morbius the Living Vampire. Frank Blade - originally born “Eric Cross” - is a dhampir who has devoted his life to hunting down all the evil vampires of the world, along with many other monsters. His arch-enemies include his “father,” Deacon Frost, and - you guessed it - Count Dracula. He is a brilliant swordsman, marksman, knife-wielder, martial artist, and all-around badass. Michael Morbius, meanwhile, is a sort of “science vampire”: created not by being bitten by a supernatural fiend, but instead mutating as the result of a biochemistry experiment gone wrong. Driven by an insatiable need to consume blood, lest his physical condition - brought on by the experiment - worsen exponentially, Morbius flip-flops between being a sympathetic villain and an anti-hero in the Marvel universe. In the comics, the two have clashed several times; in fact, one particular battle between the pair led to Blade actually gaining some new abilities, as a result of the Living Vampire’s DNA mingling with his own. Outside of the comics, the two have been adapted and reimagined multiple times for other media (with mixed results), though the only time I know of where they MET in other media was the 1990s show “Spider-Man: The Animated Series,” where Blade and Spidey had to work together to stop a rampaging Morbius. Whether you love them together or separately, and whether you prefer the comics or other interpretations, they’re two of the first characters I think of when I think of vampires in general. They are probably the most iconic vampire characters in superhero fiction. That, if nothing else, definitely earns them a high place on my list.

1. Alucard, from Castlevania.

It is perhaps fitting that a list of my favorite vampire characters NOT including Dracula should finish with the Count’s son. Because that is what Adrian Farenheit Tepes - a.k.a. Alucard - is: the Son of Dracula. Alucard is one of the main protagonists of the Castlevania franchise, having appeared in virtually every reiteration of the franchise: from the classic games, to the “Lords of Shadow” reboot trilogy, to the recent animated streaming programs on Netflix. As the series has evolved and changed over the years, so too has Alucard, but the basics of the character have always remained the same. Alucard is the son of Dracula, and a human woman. When the Count is driven mad by the death of his wife, Alucard is forced to take up arms against his father, to stop the King of the Vampires from spreading death and destruction worldwide. Being a vampire himself (or, at least, half-vampire), Alucard is just as immortal as his father, and nearly as powerful, meaning that - better than any Belmont, or member of the Morris family, or other mortal monster slayer - he can keep a watchful eye on the dark lord and his minions. Alucard is my favorite character of the entire Castlevania franchise, and while every version is slightly different, the simple and yet classic conflict between father and son is a big part of the reason why: in each rendition, you realize each side cares about the other, but their philosophies make it difficult for them to co-exist. As a result, he is one of the most fascinating and yet tragic characters of the series, and is one of the first characters I think of when I think of Castlevania. I don’t know how many other people would place him so highly, but for me, it’s almost no contest placing Alucard as My Number One. If anybody can rival the Prince of Darkness best, it is him.

HONORABLE MENTIONS INCLUDE…

Strahd von Zarovich, from Dungeons & Dragons: Ravenloft.

Not hugely into D&D, hence why I can’t count him on the main list. ‘Nuff said.

Lothos & Amilyn, from Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1992).

I said I couldn’t count the series, never said anything about the movie that inspired it. Played by Rutger Hauer and Paul Reubens, respectively, these vampire villains are probably the funniest characters in the film. Reubens as Amilyn, in particular, gets one of the most hilarious death scenes in any motion picture, period.

The Sackville-Bagg Family, from The Little Vampire.

I’ve never read the book series, but I have a big soft spot for the 2000 film; loved it as a kid, still like it now.

Dio Brando, from Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure.

I know basically nothing about Jojo, but I felt I had to include him here simply because people would kill me if I didn’t.

Kurt Barlow, from Salem’s Lot (1979).

I’ve never read the original Stephen King novel, but the 1979 miniseries adaptation is pretty much “Dracula in Modern New England.” Reggie Nalder’s Barlow has barely any screentime, but the impact of his actions and evil presence is enormous. Plus, REALLY cool Nosferatu-inspired costume and makeup for the win!

Vladimir, from League of Legends.

Vladimir technically isn’t a vampire, but a blood mage; however, considering he literally has a Nosferatu-inspired alternate look, I think I’m justified at least giving him an Honorable Mention.

#list #countdown #top 15 #best #favorites #halloween #horror #dark fantasy #sci-fi #vampires #tv #film #movies #animation #video games #literature #comics #anime

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sunny-ssunset · 2 days ago

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Choose your soulmate

Yandere south park x GN! reader

Divider by @Sonic_fan_buddy_boy on dinopixel :D

♡I'm so sorry for not updating this in a month guys my motivation has been shit :( IM SO SORRY FOR THE SMALL CHAPTER BUT MERRY CHRISTMAS. Also if u have any ideas for this series let me know as i wanna make it as interactive as possible (GN AGED UP)

Taglist: @wowowpx @the-official-memester @mikkies @briars-garden

Level five

You got to class! Kyle won't let you sit by anyone else.... Oh well! At least he is smart! Kyle doesn't really speak much when he is focused, Nobody wants to speak to you though because Kyle's death glares are pretty intimidating...

Skill acquired!

Math?!

I dont know what this does either. Maybe it will come in handy the more you level it up?

Achievement Unlocked!

☆Get a math skill!☆

Wait what does Math even do???

Just as you are about to leave, Nichole is at the door waiting for you!

"Y/N! I missed you! Come get lunch with me?" She beams at you, extending her hand for you to take.

>Yes.<

>No.

+10 Nichole Affection!

Her smile grows and you both rush off to the cafèteria to avoid Kyle, It seems He is pretty protective over a kid he just met I guess? How strange!

On your way to the cafèteria, You feel as if you are being watched..... You turn around to see Craig staring daggers into your's and Nichole's interlocked hands, His gaze feels unsettling.

It seems you have arrived at the cafèteria. "Oh shoot! Seems I have left my textbook in class..... I'm gonna go grab it Y/n, You go find a seat!" Nichole is gone before you could even say goodbye.

Who do you want to sit by?

>The popular girls.

>Stan's gang.

>Clyde's gang.

>Craig.<

>The goth kids.

You walk over to Craig, You feel like you shouldn't be here. Craig's eyes widen in shock at the sight of you, "New kid! You made the right choice sitting over here" He smiles slightly.

"Trust me new kid, this place is really not what it seems. Stop playing if you can, this game is addictive, They want you to be obsessed. I can help you if you let me." Craig's voice hushes to a lower tone.

Let Craig help you?

>Yes

>No

Divider by @petalpxl

#south park x reader #south park headcanons #south park #kyle broflovski headcanons #kenny mccormick fluff #kenny mccormick south park #kyle broflovski x reader #kyle broflovski fluff #kyle broflovski x y/n #kenny mccormick and y/n #craig tucker fluff #craig tucker hcs #craig tucker x reader

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kata-sans · 4 months ago

Text

Raising Stripe

Chapter 27

Craig adores his husband. He is good looking, smart, and his meals are to die for. His quirky mannerisms just add to his husband's charm. Despite this, Tweek's quirks sometimes catch him off guard.

When Craig walked into his parent's kitchen and saw his husband frantically flipping the calendar pages back and forth, he was definitely caught off guard. Tweek flipped to the previous month and loudly counted the days in the calendar. Craig could tell he was worked up as he kept messing up and starting over. It was time to step in.

“Honey, what are you doing?” Craig asked calmly.

“When did your mother call you?” Tweek asked, still focused on the calendar.

“Tuesday. Remember we rushed our packing to get here on Wednesday.” Craig answered.

“No! I mean… when she first invited us to come. The night Stripe changed!” Tweek said finally looking at Craig.

Craig was not expecting that. He pulled out his phone and scrolled through his phone log. Tweek always chastised him for not calling his mother more often, but in this case it came in handy as he was able to find the exact date in question.

“October 28.” He showed Tweek his phone to confirm.

Tweek pulled the phone closer to see the date on the screen. “It's been one month.” He whispered.

Craig turned his phone to look at the current date. He was quick to catch on to Tweek's reasoning. Their baby was a month older and technically 7 months today. This was another milestone. Craig felt pride and joy swell in his chest. Knowing his husband, Craig knew Tweek felt the same.

Craig hugged and pressed a chaste kiss on Tweek's lips and said, “We need to celebrate our little guy's big day.”

Tweek giggled, “Let's have a picnic in the park. I'll go get our baby ready. You can wake up your family and inform them about our plans.”

Craig planted another kiss, “Deal.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Stripe's family were acting funny. As the newest member of the family, Stripe had been spoiled with attention and cuddles. Since waking up that morning, Stripe had noticed everyone seemed to give him more attention.

His mama dressed him up in a pair of khaki overalls with a white long sleeve onesie while kissing his cheeks and calling him pet names. As soon as he was dressed up his Nana and Auntie had swooped in to take pictures. He was picked up by Grandpa and carried around on his shoulders making him giggle.

Dada finally took him from Grandpa and buckled him into his car seat.The family all loaded into the family van and drove off. Stripe whined and tugged on the seat belt wanting to be let loose. He was still not a fan of being tied down but settled as the car motion calmed him down.

Suddenly the car stopped and Stripe renewed his efforts to escape. His mama became his savior and unbuckled him from the seat. Together they stepped out of the car and Stripe took in the surroundings. His mouth hung open as he peeked around to see bright orange, red, and yellow all around. It was in the trees, and it was on the ground. He babbled and pointed to the bright colors that fell from the sky.

The adults all carried supplies to an empty park table under a colorful tree. Tweek glanced around the park looking for the playground. He was glad to see it was fairly close to the table they had chosen. He informed everyone before heading towards the playground equipment.

The playground was empty much to Tweek's relief. He was not comfortable with speaking to other parents at the moment. It also allowed Tweek to safely let Stripe crawl around on the big toys.

Stripe was thrilled by the freedom to explore as he pleased. His mama followed him around and only stepped in when he tried to look over the edge of a high drop. Mama also placed him on a chair that looked like an animal and started rocking him gently. Stripe was having the time of his life.

Craig finally joined his family on the playground after helping set up the picnic. He tapped his husband's shoulder asking for permission to take their baby. He carried him towards the swing set and placed him on the baby swing. He stood in front of Stripe and slightly pulled the swing forward and released it looking closely for Stripe's reaction.

Stripe was caught by surprise when Dada let go of his chair. Stripe was flying away from his Dada until he flew back into his hands. The action caused him to giggle and kick his feet. Dada let him go again and Stripe was sent flying again. This time his Dada gently pushed him instead of catching him.

Tweek snapped pictures of Stripe on the swing. Tweek had never been interested in photography, but since Stripe's transformation his phone's memory was quickly filling up with pictures of Stripe's firsts. He couldn't help but wonder how many more first he would experience before Stripe would be changed back to his original form. Tweek refused to let that thought dampen the mood.

After a few minutes of playing around, the parents carried Stripe back to the picnic table. Laura and Tricia had reheated leftovers from the previous night and everyone was ready to eat. Tweek fixed Stripe's plate with mashed potatoes and bits of turkey. He sat the baby on his lap in order to reach the table.

Stripe quickly finished his food and tried to reach into his Mama's half eaten plate. Craig, who was already done eating, scooped up the baby and laid down on the blanket set up on the ground. Stripe wiggled out of Craig's loose hold and crawled to the edge of the blanket. The ground was covered in bright colors!

Stripe reached out into the colorful ground and giggled at the crunchy sounds they made as he crushed them. He pulled them towards his mouth taking a big bite. Craig sat up immediately working on taking the leaves out of the baby's mouth. Stripe was not pleased but forgot about it when he was given his bottle with tasty formula.

Stripe took a nap on the blanket while the grown ups packed up the food.When they finished, they split up to do their own thing. Tweek and Craig laid down on the blanket next to their sleeping baby. Tricia began to build a pile of leaves planning to take some selfies for her Instagram. Craig's parents decided to take a walk around the park together. When Stripe awoke everyone was ready to leave.

Ch26

Ch28

#craig x tweek #sp tweek #tweek tweak #craig tucker #sp craig #sp stripe #raising stripe #sp laura #sp thomas #sp tricia

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emo-gremlin · 1 year ago

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Hey, you're cool! *hands you more MFN as memes/vines*

🎬

Lenard: what's cooler than being cool?

Gordon: financial stability

🎬

Lilianna: an octopus is just a wet spider

Ricky: WHAT HAVE YOU DONE

🎬

Lenard: SOMEBODY ONCE TOLD ME THE WORLD WAS GONNA-

George: end on December 21, 2012. I bought all this fucking pasta as a way to celebrate the end of the world and now I'm $10,000 in debt, my taxi got towed and I have wet pasta everywhere in my house

Lenard: ...I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed

🎬

Ricky: swear words are illegal now, say one and you'll be fined

Handy: heck

Ricky: you're on thin fucking ice

Ricky: oh no

🎬

Lenard: what if mayonnaise came in cans?

Lilianna: that would suck because you can't microwave metal...

Noir: *walking by drinking coffee* good morning to everyone except you people

🎬

Noir: anyone wanna get into an argument with me?

Ricky: ok cream cheese isn't that good

Noir: I was kidding but you know what fuck you for real

🎬

Unfriendly Lenard: I hate being high, why I hear footsteps?

Craig: are you walking?

Unfriendly Lenard: oh shit

🎬

Junebug: vanilla soy latte is just 3 bean soup

Gordon: why must you do this at 5am

🎬

George: a haiku for the bus drive who deliberately cut me off

George: *clears throat*

George: I swear to God bruh, let me catch you in the streets, bruh I swear to God

🎬

Unfriendly Lilianna: I find the fact I will never experience a sword fight in my entire life terribly tragic

🎬

Lenard: sorry, liberals, there's only 0 genders

Junebug: there's one gender ad we have to share

Craig: Gordon said its my turn on the gender

🎬

Norman: I wanna jump off a building and not die. Just relieve stress by slamming into the sidewalk and then get up and go get a slurpee or something

Ricky: Norman are you ok

Norman: no ❤️

🎬

Norman: *screams into jar* everything is fine :)

🎬

Gordon: I saw your last report card

Noir: *not even looking up from his phone* congrats you can see

Gordon: oh so you wanna be smart?

Noir: that's why I go to school

🎬

Gordon: hey Junebug how are you today?

Junebug: I swallowed a golf ball!

Gordon: uh- are you ok?

Junebug: I can't poop! :D

🎬

Ricky: hey Lillianna

Lillianna: can you get in the oven and clean it?

Ricky: bye Lillianna

🎬

Junebug: if it weren't illegal I would eat cereal for every meal of the day

Gordon: I have some wonderful news for you

🎬

Gordon: Noir asked everyone at dinner what color Norman's new shirt was. After we all said grey, he turned to him and said, "Now tell them what color you think it is." And Norman just quietly replied, "Dark white."

🎬

Lilianna: Lasagna is just spaghetti flavored cake

Fritz: I will pay you money to never speak again

🎬

George: fellas is it gay to fall in love with another man and spend your life with him

Gordon: that is the literal definition of gay

George: :0

🎬

Gordon: *texting the puppets* At airport! Bye guys! Love ya to the moon and back, you're the best! Bust a nut!

Noir: I'm not sure Gordon knows what that means

Tax: I Physically cannot breathe

🎬

Lilianna: God released me into the wild and now he's hunting me for sport

🎬

Fritz: where can I order a pretty face

George: from your mirror

Tax: WHEN DID EVERYONE IN THIS HELL STUDIO BECOME SMOOTH AF

Lenard: 2023: the year the Neighborhood learned how to flirt

Norman: oh my

🎬

Noir: 1 universe, 9 planets, 7 seas, 7 continents, 809 islands, 204 countries, and I had the unfortunate luck of meeting you

Tax: THERE ARE 8 PLANETS YOU UNCULTURED SWINE

Noir: VIVA LA PLUTO FUCK YOU

Gordon: I'm pretty sure 'viva la Pluto fuck you' is the best sentence I've ever heard

🎬

Craig, Fritz and UF Fritz belong to: @gayfraggle

#norman mfn #mfn gordon #mfn junebug #mfn norman #mfn lenard #mfn #mfn game #mfn george #the unfriendly neighborhood #mfn tax #tax mfn #mfn noir #noir mfn #my friendly neighborhood george #my friendly neighborhood ricky #my friendly neighborhood game #my friendly neighborhood norman

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scotianostra · 9 months ago

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The Scottish actor Hamish Wilson passed away on March 26th 2020.

Probably most famous for replacing Frazer Hines for two episodes of Dr Who in the 60’s. Wilson was another one who started early, aged just 14 he started studying at the Royal Scottish Academy of Music and Drama.

He was born James Aitken Wilson in Glasgow, in 1942. His family moved to Cambuslang when he was very young. His father, also James, was a sales rep for a paint firm; his mother Isobel (née Willock) worked in the rag trade. After they divorced Isobel married another Wilson, Robert, and Hamish and his sister Jan grew up with step-siblings Leslie, Sheila and Robbie.

He discovered his love of drama while at West Coats Primary School. Later, at the Glasgow Academy, this love drove him to do “that stupidly romantic thing of running away from school to appear on the stage”. He was soon working professionally – he understudied Jimmy Logan for a summer season at the King’s Theatre and appeared in Peter Duguid’s 1957 Glasgow Citizen’s Theatre production of Enemy of the People.

He then attended the Royal Scottish Academy of Music and Drama and gained more professional experience during the summer holidays. He played the title role in 1959’s live ITV play, The Boy from the Gorbals, did a 1960 episode of Para Handy with Duncan Macrae, and met Walt Disney while he was working on his film adaptation of Greyfriars Bobby.

“I was trying to chat up a pretty blonde extra, with no success at all”, he once recalled, “and this gentleman with blond hair and a little moustache came over and started chatting to me. We nattered away for five minutes and then he wandered away. The girl was terribly impressed, but I spoilt it because I didn’t recognise him. I said, ‘Who was that?’ and she stopped being impressed. ‘That was Walt Disney!’, she said”.

He graduated from the RSAMD in 1963, winning the award for Most Promising Male Performance, and appeared on stage at Coventry’s Belgrade Theatre , Perth Theatre and Dundee Repertory Theatre (1970-71), where his performance in Mark But This Flea was described as “remarkable” by The Stage, the trade weekly – not least because he had stepped in 24 hours before opening night after the original actor had broken his leg.

On television he appeared in The Wednesday Play, The Vital Spark , This Man Craig (three different roles, 1966), Softly, Softly and The Revenue Men (three different roles.

In 1968 Doctor Who regular Frazer Hines, who played Patrick Troughton’s Jacobite companion Jamie, fell ill with chickenpox while making the adventure The Mind Robber. After an ingenious, hasty rewrite Jamie underwent a temporary metamorphosis and with one day’s rehearsal Wilson took over, cramming his lines overnight and recording the first of his two episodes the next day.

Further TV roles followed, including The Borderers Boy Meets Girls (1969), Adam Smith, and The View from Daniel Pike but he found that he needed to turn his attention away from acting because “ a beautiful girl smiled at me”. Intent on marriage and starting a family, he gained more secure employment as an announcer for STV.

In 1975 he went to Radio Forth as its arts and drama producer. With limited resources but boundless ambition, he broadcast original writing, late-night horror classics, and a six-month long serial about Mary Queen of Scots, told in 130 twelve-minute episodes, broadcast daily. Drama of this kind on commercial radio was largely unheard of.

In 1979 he did an adaptation of The Slab Boys for Radio Clyde, ultimately joining the station and founding Independent Local Radio’s first drama department there.

His many productions at Clyde included The Bell in the Tree a series of dramas about the history of Glasgow by Edward H Chisnall; Donald Campbell’s Till the Seas Run Dry, with Tom Fleming as Robert Burns and Mary Riggans as Jean Armour), and Nick McCarthy’s Elephant Dances with Katy Murphy).

He also encouraged new talent, instigating initiatives which gave professional breaks to aspiring comedy writers and awarded contracts and prized Equity cards to final-year drama students.

He left Clyde in 1989 and joined the BBC, where he produced a huge number of plays and series for Radio Scotland, Radio 3 and Radio 4. He really believed in radio: “It allows you to creep inside somebody’s head”, he said, “and paint pictures that are going to stay long after the programme is finished.”

In all, he won 23 awards for his radio productions – his ‘Oscars’, as he jokingly referred to them – and served a juror in the Prix Italia (where he was also the first ILR producer to be jury chairman), Prix Futura Berlin and the Prix Europa.

When he left the BBC after ten successful years he went back to the old trade, doing voiceover work and acting in episodes of Taggart,, Monarch of the Glen and Still Game .

On March 21st 2020 Tony contracted coronavirus and sadly passed away only 6 days later on March 26th aged 77. He worked for many years for the actors union Equity, the Scottish Secretary of the union said of him:

“He led a full life and touched many people. He was one of life’s enthusiasts and succeeded at most everything he turned his hand to. Time in his company was always enjoyable and often informative. Remember that mischievous grin and raise a glass to him. RIP.”

The beautiful girl who smiled at him was Diana (née Baron), a wardrobe mistress at Dundee Rep, whom he had met in 1972. They married the following year and had three daughters, Emma, Alice and Abigail, who all survive him, as do grandchildren Colin, Finley, Amelia and Gregor.

#scotland #scottish #history #dr who #companion #actor

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dyinginlasvegas · 30 days ago

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One Day We'll Get Nostalgic for Disaster

This is the second chapter of an ensemble Fallout New Vegas fic by Prix, starring Arcade Gannon, Benny Gecko, Craig Boone, and a female Courier Six. Masterpost here. AO3 link here.

Friday, April 15, 2281. 11:29 P.M.

Benny eyes his own reflection in the bathroom mirror. The center of the mirror is perfect, free from tarnish, and the little bit of steam that lingers around its edges covers up the hairline cracks that snake inward from its frame. He makes another swipe with the towel along his jaw. He rinses the straight razor he used and folds it up. He carefully puts it back into place, out of sight from his guest. He knows that in a game with stakes this high, anyone is bound to get some funny ideas if the odds don't seem to be falling in their favor.

He drapes the almost-white towel over the edge of the old tub that shows its rust and tarnish in glaring comparison. The Tops isn't perfect, but it's a gem preserved from the old world – one of luxury, convenience, and safety he's here-to-now only started to dream about. And who knows what'll come when he has his ace-in-the-hole?

Benny smiles to himself as he tugs on his slacks. He shrugs the white shirt up to his shoulders and tugs it into place. He watches with satisfaction as the white-on-white of his undershirt and the crisp button-up makes him look sharp. The scars of the wasteland – of hunger and spending every day trying to stay alive – disappear under the cool, clean fabric that rests flat against his hips.

In a practiced movement, he tucks the shirts in, buttons and zips, and fastens his belt, all in a way that makes him feel far better than strapping on any armor out in the desert ever had. He does it with just as much purpose, though. No, more. Every job has a uniform, and this is the most important job ever. Next comes the tie, which might be his favorite part. It took some learning, but learning he was glad to do it. Now he could slide that baby into place in his sleep. Not that he'd want to miss it. The feel of silk is tenderer than the touch of any woman in the whole world. It ignores the calluses on his thumb and forefinger – everywhere he's ever been and everywhere he'll ever go to keep this life, this place and the life that comes with it. That tie whispers, Baby, you belong here with me, without uttering a word. He clips her into place against his shirt. He's got to keep that feeling close to his heart, after all. Then comes the pièce de résistance. No matter how much he loves his tie, the sport coat makes it. Every one of the Chairmen wears a tie; it's obligatory. But when Mr. House sent over the cases of supplies to get them on their feet, when he saw this, he knew it was his. It was the flashiest, and it could put your eye out if you stared at it too long under the harsh glare of electric light, but that meant it made a statement.

It tells everyone who he is. Everyone on the Strip knows him at a hundred paces. Hell, anyone who knows their own name in Freeside knows 'Benny,' too. In short, the coat has pizazz.. It's also handy for carrying other things that he needs to keep close to his chest. He feels the safety before putting Maria right where she belongs, silent as the desert night. Just outside the bathroom door, Benny steps into his shoes. He crouches down to tie their laces. To his left, he can hear movement and a soft hum. He's almost gotten used to her being around. Especially after tonight, he wonders if she'll finish anytime soon. He doesn't want this to stop being nice and wear out its welcome. He hisses softly as he stands up straight. If there's one part of his 'uniform' he doesn't like, it's the shoes. Sometimes he misses supple boots that formed to his feet, that knew the distance between him and the ground without compromise. He'll never breathe a word of it, though. He's willing to make sacrifices if it means the best outcome for him and his people. "Hey, Emi-Gal," he says magnanimously. He strolls up behind her in the relative gloom of the workshop. He places his hand on her shoulder while she is busy looking at a terminal that's all wired up to the dead Securitron that looms over them both. He doesn't let on when he crinkles his nose at the smell in the room. It reminds him of raw fish or piss, but she tells him it comes from damaged electrical equipment, and he's given her the best he's got to work with. He can live with it. "How's it swinging?"

As he leans in, he sees the smile his words bring to her face. He squeezes her shoulder, encouraging that smile to be followed by good news.

"I think I've figured out…" Emily says, trailing off as she punches a few more buttons on the terminal with a glare of concentration that intensifies the green glow that reflects on her glasses, "a way around our security problem." She looks up at him with a much more triumphant smile after she presses enter and the terminal proceeds to do some things on its own, apparently liking her fingers even more than Benny had a couple of hours ago.

Benny takes a step back and watches her blue eyes through her glasses.

"Do tell," he encourages her with a half-grin of his own.

"Well, there's… a lot of technical stuff you might find boring," she says.

How sweet it is of her to be concerned. And she's right. And if not bored, Benny is fairly confident he wouldn't understand it.

"Yeah, but…" he says, a little teasing but drawing it out of her, bit by bit. She's always been a little shy, but there's no room for shyness left between them now, he figures.

"I think the way to get around Mr. House's security protocols that might fry our friend even more than he already has been might be to not get around them at all," she says. Benny blinks. Then he narrows his eyes at her, a little suspicious. "You're saying we just turn it back on the way it was and hope your technical prowess will get me what I need?" he asks. There is a tinge of incredulity in his question that masks the boatload of it that he doesn't voice. It sounds like she might be trying to make herself indispensable to this project, and no matter how good she's been to him, that's something he can't have. "No!" she protests. His shoulders sag with some relief. "No," she repeats, and suddenly he finds her tendency to anxiously repeat herself a little endearing again. Her hands are up in a placating gesture that makes him feel nice and in control of the situation. She might be smarter than he is in the technical aspect, but he only trusts his own brain – his own gut – to find out what House is up to, or not up to, in the face of all the looming threats to this good thing they've got going. NCR, Legion, or even just plain hungry tribals wanting their piece. All those things are in need of a plan for when they happen to New Vegas. Mr. House is silent so much of the time, except when he makes his demands and conditions known and clear.

Benny needs to know what the plan is, if it exists. And if it doesn't, he's about to make damn sure there is one. It might just be time for a change in management. Benny draws a deep breath and exhales slowly. His fingers twitch at his sides. After a lifetime of knives being the solution to so many of life's problems, he has to school himself into placidity. The smile he paints on himself helps. "Well then, Miss Emily," he says, "what is it you're suggesting?" She tilts her head at him in an effort to match his charm. It works even as he sees right through it. It's cute, at least. "I think we can leave everything about his functions and access the same," she says. Her posture and demeanor straighten up into something much more plainspoken and earnest. "I've just taken the time to examine the AI's programming – his personality, so-to-speak," she explains gently. He does like that she takes the time to put things into regular-people-speak for him. It saves him time. "Bunch of grumpy cops," Benny says under his breath. "Yes," Emily allows, "but he doesn't have to be…" The way she trails off makes Benny's mind race to catch up. Too many possibilities present themselves to chase after. He'd rather she bring the right one to him. He waits, looking almost unimpressed. "... He could be a friendly little guy, er… big guy. Who's happy to do whatever you say…" she says. Benny doesn't miss the lewd note to the last phrase. It gives him a thrill, but not for the reasons he knows she's hoping. He has business to attend to now.

He reaches out and takes her shoulder, subtly guiding her back toward the terminal. He's eager to know for himself if what she's saying is possible. "How far along are you?" he asks. "Oh, well…" she says, clearing her throat softly. She seems to be trying to recover herself a bit, backtrack. Probably from disappointment that he hadn't taken note of her advances. He had, and he almost feels a little sorry for her. Still, bigger fish. "That's what I was working on," she says with added conviction. She loses it again in her next words: "... before our, uh… room-service-break." He thinks her face looks pinker in the green glow that shines against it. "You're saying it's…" "Ready," she agrees. "I think." "You think," Benny says with something wavering between humor and horror. His eyes are wider when he leans over to look at her eyes more directly. "Tell me, exactly, what happens if your little plan doesn't work?" "I've made sure his passive monitoring systems have been wiped and turned off the entire time he's had a power source, and he hasn't been on House's network since… well, the day you procured him, I'm guessing," she explains. "So if I turn him on and my work turns out to be all-for-nought, then hopefully the worst thing that happens is that he wakes up, sees us, and asks some awkward questions. As long as you don't say anything incriminating in front of him, he'll probably roll out of here, confused but not suspecting a thing." She glances away from Benny's eyes, licking her lips a bit in a way he doesn't think has anything to do with seduction. He thinks he knows the track her mind has gone now. "Listen, Emily," he says, using her name like currency. "Nothing criminal 'bout what you're helping me do, right? I promise I've got nothing but the best intentions for New Vegas. I thought you Followers would agree that Vegas's safety and future don't need to be locked up in the old man's ivory tower."

"I want to make sure that he's taking into consideration the well-being of all of New Vegas," Emily agrees, with conditions. "Not just the Strip." "Yeah, 'course," Benny agrees quickly. He remembers what it's like out there. He can't extend the shade over the whole Mojave and has no intention to try. But New Vegas - Freeside and the Strip alike - isn't going to stop needing doctors and scientists if it's going to have the illustrious future he hopes for it. "Do you care?" Emily asks. "'Course I do," Benny asks, returning her vague question with an equally vague answer. "So you're telling me if you switch him on, I either get everything I've asked you for… or nothing. He rolls out of here and I'm back at square one." "That's pretty much the size of it." "Winner take all," Benny mutters to himself. He paces just a little, pressing his fingers into the safety of his coat pockets. He looks up at the Securitron and its deep, black, blank screen that presently shows a smooth reflection of his own face, tallying up the risk and its worth. Then he turns a brave-face smirk back to Emily. "I'll take those odds." He strides back over to Emily as she watches his eyes, tracking for what he wants her to do. He nods toward the terminal. "You want to do the honors?" he suggests, though unless it's pressing 'enter' or balancing the books for the Tops he knows she pretty much has to. "If you're sure you're ready," she says. She turns toward the terminal, hands hovering at either side of its keypad to wait for permission. "Born ready," Benny agrees with a bit of a wolf in his smile. He comes over to her, trying to sweeten the deal. He leans in behind her until his body is flush against hers – through their clothes this time. He reaches out with gentle hands and touches the backs of hers. His fingertips travel the valleys between the tiny bones that run into her hand and stops when his hands completely overshadow hers. He grips them softly. "Together?" he asks.

He eases up on the grip and lowers his chin to her shoulder. He breathes in and out, the image of a man at ease. Her skin smells like rain and earth, and he finds that he doesn't mind. "Mm-hmm," she hums, agreeing through what seems to be some tension he's brought back into her body. He straightens his posture but can't help the self-satisfaction. He keeps true to his word about this part and lets his hands hover over her forearms, just above her wrists, allowing her to move with a shared sense of complicity as she types in the commands to cause their – his – Securitron to wake. There is a very solid clack as she presses down the 'enter' key one more time and draws her hands away. Benny lets his hands slide all the way back to the crook of her elbows as he looks up at the Securitron. For a moment, he believes that nothing is happening. Then he notices a familiar little blinking rectangle of light in the bottom left corner of the Securitron's face. A flurry of bright white text scrolls down it afterward. A Securitron's face is a screen, after all. Then every pixel on the screen glows with that same white. It's absolutely stunning, literally. 'A little bit of payback, there, buddy?' Benny thinks as he squeezes his eyes shut and prays that they work their way back into focus when he opens them. He finds that his hands have gripped Emily by the inside of her elbows. He has drawn her back away from the terminal, and it's hard to tell if he's using her as a shield or trying to protect her. The real answer is probably a little bit of both. He wishes her no ill-will, but it's all a question of priorities. "Hey!" the Securitron says in a sudden, bright issuance of sound that matches its outburst of light. Its screen brightness adjusts itself to the gloom of the back room that has served as Benny's – really, Emily's – workshop of late. Finally, Benny can see again, save for the couple of green and magenta rings that keep bouncing around his field of vision. "Hello! Hi… Hi there?" the Securitron continues. At the very end, it sounds just the least bit nervous. After one more blink, Benny makes out a black pattern on the robot's face. It looks real happy, almost like something they'd have put on a box of something for kids.

Benny disentangles himself from Emily completely and steps out from behind her. He hears her laugh, and he thinks she sounds almost too happy. "Look, he's even got a face!" she says. "Didn't you program him?" Benny hisses at her, though he's not sure whispering works around these things. "Oh! There you are," the Securitron says with a surprising amount of emotion. It seems to want to shout everything to the best of its ability. This time, it sounds some combination of thrilled and relieved. "Yes, I have recently been reprogrammed. My personal database tells me that I have been offline for approximately…" It pauses. "... three weeks?!" That overriding tone of excitement never goes away, even as the thing sounds like it wishes to be downright horrified. Benny didn't think a robot could be horrified. He finds that he doesn't want to think about it. "Yeah, had a little bit of an accident there, buddy," he says, stepping in front of the robot where it seems logical that they would be able to see each other. "I helped you out of a scrape." He doesn't mention that he caused the scrape. Need-to-know. Besides, it'd be good to know if a potentially lethal police robot – even if it is a repurposed one – harbors any grudge toward him. And, if it doesn't, he definitely isn't going to give it a reason to start. Then something occurs to him. "Did you do anything about his weapons systems?" he asks, looking over at Emily.

"My weapons systems are fully operational!" the robot cries proudly. Benny's eyes widen involuntarily. He swallows, hopefully not too noticeably. He hears something whirring. The robot hadn't sounded angry about the whole scrape-situation, but he doesn't think the robot can sound angry anymore. He feels his heart thudding harder inside his chest. "... However," the Securitron continues, "my locomotive systems seem to be inhibited by some obstacle. Oh, that is very unusual," he says apologetically. "Yeah, pal, see… we… uh… put the brakes on you," Benny explains, keeping his cool. He nods down to the rubber straps and metal hooks which were used to make sure that the Securitron was itself secure in more ways than one while it had been apparently offline. "For your own safety, of course." He glances at Emily with a sort of conspiratorial look. Or maybe it's a cry for help from his partner-in-crime. A crime that's for the good of everyone, really, and therefore not really that criminal. "Oh. That's silly," the robot announces to Benny's mild chagrin. "My function is to provide safety and security. There is no need to provide me with the same. It renders my purpose redundant." "Oh," Benny echoes. "Well–" Finally, Emily steps into the apparent 'view' of the robot and chimes in. "Not to change the subject," she says, as she proceeds to change the subject, "but what do you remember?" she asks. She too glances over her shoulder at Benny, giving him a 'don't fuck this up,' look. She'll be getting no arguments on that one. He raises one hand and nods in measured surrender.

"Oh. Well, I…" the Securitron says. There are some beeping sounds that do not emit from the same speakers that emit its synthesized voice. "I'm afraid you're going to have to be more specific! I apologize. I could list every memory in my system, but my calculations suggest that it would take several years. My human-interaction courtesy protocols indicate that this is inappropriate and inefficient. Unless you would like me to override…?"

"No!" Emily says. "No, that won't be necessary," she says to him in a soothing tone.

Without asking for Benny's permission, she leans down and removes one of the cords from around the body of the machine at what one might call its 'waist.'

"Hey," Benny starts to complain in a harsh, commanding tone, but he is cut off by the robot starting to move. He realizes that Emily's insubordination might be the least of his problems and trains his attention on the machine.

It seems to be simply moving right to left, slowly. When it has exhausted most of its range of motion, it centers again without a fuss.

"Ah, that is much better. Thank you! I can now fully monitor this room and the secret passageway behind it!"

"The what?" Emily asks.

"Never mind that," Benny interrupts. He stands so he and Emily are side by side. He then folds his arms across his chest. "The lady asked what you remember. What do you remember about the day you went offline?"

"Well, I…" There is another pause for the machine to search itself. Without any change to its bright, smiling face, it says: "I was performing my usual security patrols when something stopped me. I don't remember what."

"Good enough for me," Benny says, mostly speaking to Emily. She shushes him, which he thinks is far more suspicious than anything he had said to her.

"I hope you don't mind my asking," the Securitron says, "but my function is to provide safety and security. This room seems to be both safe and secure! However, my locomotive systems still are not fully operational. I'm afraid I cannot continue my patrol protocol until I receive further manual assistance." "Well, see. Your function has changed just a little bit," Benny tries to explain. "Really?" the robot asks. "I'm sorry," it says after a brief pause. "I am a PDQ-88b Securitron. My optimal function is to provide safety and security. If you would like a robot for another function, might I allow you to access the most recent issue of the House Industries Catalog or give you the contact information of a RobCo Customer Service Representative?" Benny sighs with some waning patience as the robot offers to let him talk with ghosts. "That's not necessary. You can do whatever you want to do," he insists. "That is, whatever I want you to do." "Yes, I can," the robot says. Benny peers into the robot's big, happy eyes that never blink. That can't blink. That are just a projection on a screen. It's downright creepy when he thinks about it. But there are other things he's thinking about right now. His heart is still racing, but it's with a different tempo, now. "Hey, there, Yes-Man," he says. "Can I call you Yes-Man?" "Yes, you may call me 'Yes-Man,' if you reregister my user interface ID as 'Yes-Man.' Would you like to reregister my user interface ID as 'Yes-Man'?" "Does your user interface ID register on Mr. House's data network?" Emily asks bluntly.

Benny winces a little, hoping that robots can't read much into subtext. "No, it does not!" Yes-Man replies. "Then do it," Benny says with a little bit of a smirk. His hands are resting easy in his pockets now. "You're naming him 'Yes-Man'?" Emily asks skeptically. "Yes ma'am," Benny agrees wryly. He watches her with a sidelong expression. He has to decide what to do with her. He's sizing up how much he still needs. No use burning bridges that aren't ready to burn. He considers his next question very carefully before looking back up at the robot: "Will you show me information from Mr. House's private data network?" "Yes, I will." Benny peers up into the big, creepy eyes. He's starting to like the look of them more and more. "How much information?" "Any information you ask me for!" "That's… great," he says. "How many Securitrons are currently able to monitor your communications?" Emily asks with a little bit of a strain in her voice. Damn. Good point. "None unless I am given instructions to broadcast or send data packets to the other Securitrons on my network. Would you like for me to transmit this conversation to the other Securitrons on my network?"

"No!" Benny says, and he hears Emily say it at the same time and with the same fervent insistence. He breathes out and there is silence for a moment. Then he realizes that there are two opportunities here. He takes a single step toward Yes-Man. "In fact, I don't want you to ever send any of the information discussed in this room anywhere outside this room without explicit instructions," he says. He waits to see if this command can be registered. "Yes, sir. You're the boss!" Yes-Man says. "Yeah, I am," he says. He slacks his expression just a little bit as he turns toward Emily and gives her a sort of pitying smile. He tilts his head at her and reaches out to finger-comb through her messy, soft hair. "Listen, Emi-Gal - who knows if this is gonna work? Next thing you know, I could have an army of Securitrons beating down the door to my casino," he says. He takes her by the arm and draws her along after him, out of the workshop. "You stay put," he calls, just for the sake of wise redundancy, at Yes-Man. He closes the door behind him. "But–" Emily protests. "Listen, I can't have anything happening to you," he says, knowing that he's laying it on thick. He picks up her white coat from where it had fallen over a chair in his bedroom. He hands it to her, pretty carefully given his haste to usher her over toward the bar and the door. "Benny, I really think we should set up some counter-measures of our own, even if it's just coaxing him through our expectations. I really don't know if blind hope that he won't say something to just anyone who walks through that door is the best–" Emily says, but he holds up a finger and presses it to her lips gently. He taps them, once for luck. Then he draws his hand back and depresses the button that activates the radio that communicates with his bodyguards. "Fellas, could a couple of you come up and escort Ms. Ortal out of the Tops? She's sobered up, and I would really like it if you would see that she gets back to the gate of Freeside safely." He lets up on the button and watches the look of disgust twist her pretty features.

"You lying–" "Hey, now, don't be like that. We're still on the same side. There isn't really a 'we,' now, though… when it comes to Yes-Man," he explains. "Wouldn't want to confuse him." "You bastard," she spits out. "Facts is facts," he says wryly. "I can just go straight to the Lucky 38 and–" "Yeah? You and what army are gonna knock down that door?" Benny asks with a chuckle. He reaches out to touch her arm to soothe her. She jerks it away and he lets her go. "Listen," he says anyway, "I don't mean you any harm. But you start fighting against the waves and you're gonna drown. And nice as that sounds in the Mojave, I'm pretty sure it's not all it's cracked up to be." He waits to let the warning sink in. Then he tries to offer some consolation: "Listen, we want the same things for New Vegas. People are always gonna need doctors. I'm gonna make sure that happens. And you… you're my little machine doctor." "I'm not your anything," Emily says, but he can see her accepting defeat as she tries to throw daggers with her eyes. Luckily, he hasn't met anyone with that particular skill yet. A moment later, the door opens from the outside and two of his bodyguards make polite small-talk that is designed to ignore her indiscretion but to demand that she come-with. Make the embarrassment as light as possible. Ease her out of the building in style. When they're gone down the hall to the elevator, Benny stops peeking out his door and draws both of them closed. He secures the door behind him not just with the lock his bodyguards also have a key to but with a bar that he keeps for special occasions. Quietly, he savors the moment. He walks over to his bar and pours himself a shot of some of the best he's got. He downs it and strolls back toward his bedroom and makes his way back to the workshop once again.

"Hello!" Yes-Man says the moment he opens the door. The poor guy sounds a little lonely. Stir-crazy, maybe, but that part's not going to get better.

"Yeah, hey," Benny indulges him. "So, listen," he says, approaching him with a lowered chin and a look on his face that promises the intimacy of secrets, "there are some things I need to know about Mr. House's itinerary. You dig?"

"I understand completely!" Yes-Man agrees.

Benny allows himself a broad grin as he straightens up. He extends his hand to shake but then realizes that Securitrons probably couldn't if they wanted to. Instead he changes course and pats the grooved, round casing that allows the thing to turn the larger part of its body.

"Yeah?" he asks, rhetorically of course. "Then I've got a feeling this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship."

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