#Couldn't think of anything better for this version of Bella

[theereina]

Bad News Pt. 2

Pairing: Terry Richmond x Plus Size Fem Black!OC "Bella"

Wordcount: +1.4K

Warnings: MDNI (18+) mature content, such as cursing, no smut, heavily dialogue-centered, mental health mentioned (anxiety), *emotional distress*, angst, heartbreak, chronic illnesses mentioned, health conditions mentioned (c*ncer, PCOS, endometriosis), infertility, slight verbal ab*se

A/N¹: Remember, I just got back into writing. I'm open to critiques, but I am a little 🤏🏽 sensitive about my writing. Please, don't be too harsh.🥺 Feel free to bring my attention to any typos. Divider by @firefly-graphics. Also, this work is not to be plagiarized or reposted (on any site other than here on Tumblr). I do NOT give consent for any form of republishing or rewriting.

A/N²: I am not a medical doctor. Please, forgive me if my knowledge of any of the mentioned medical conditions is incorrect.

Bad News Pt. 1=> 😢

Walking into the room, my heart was crushed even further. All of the feelings I wish I could explain; I couldn't. Terry and his bags were gone. I hadn't even heard him leave. He didn't even care enough to at least say goodbye. After all these years, I wasn't worth a goodbye. Two seconds just solidified that this relationship wasn't worth any more of my energy.

I couldn't understand it. How did we get here? Had he always been like this? Was I that blind? I guess I was so busy trying to find love that I forgot the most important rule— love wasn't supposed to hurt. Then again, every version of love I've experienced was painful, manipulative, abusive, and damaging. So, maybe I found what I was familiar with. I mean, why else would I be so comfortable putting up with this?

But, what do I do now?

*2 hours later

The room was covered in crumpled and torn pieces of notebook paper. I have tried and tried to write this letter. My hands were stiff, and my head was throbbing. I just wanted him to know how I felt because my mind was already made up. I'm done, and this is over.

If he would've just listened, we wouldn't be in this predicament. If he hadn't said those words, there would still be hope in my eyes and love in my heart.

Better yet, fuck this and fuck him. He doesn't deserve a letter. This doesn't concern him anymore. I've already changed my flight for tomorrow morning. I leave on the first flight out. Since I no longer have anything to say to him, there is no need to wait. I can return to the West Coast and be at home with my Godmother and Godsister when I receive the news.

*The next day

“I will never like flying’. I don't care!” I said stepping out of the bathroom after showering. I was dressed in a pair of sweats and a plain black T-shirt. I had wrapped a scarf around my head to protect my hair during my shower.

My Godsister, Shante, was waiting for me. She was relaxed on the bed with her back against the headboard. Her satin black bonnet and black fluffy robe made her look so much like her grandmother. “What?” she asked turning her head towards me. “You look like Nana Elsie!” I laughed into my hand. “Shut up!” she said slinging one of the pillows at me.

I walked to the bed and sat on the edge closest to me. I was tired. I knew why she was in here. She wanted to make sure I was okay. Honestly, I wasn't. My life was shit right now. Leaving Terry was just another stab to the heart. All I could do was pray to God that I didn't lose anymore. I couldn't possibly see myself being any lower than this.

“You wanna talk?” Shante asked rolling on her side facing my back. “Not really, I just wanna wait until they call,” I said solemnly. My shoulders were beginning to feel heavy again. I didn't want to think about what the doctor would say. I already knew this day was coming.

After years of medical neglect and misdiagnoses, I was finally given a proper diagnosis of both endometriosis and PCOS. I had been ignored for years when I complained of a forever-growing mountain of signs that something was wrong. I was told to “lose weight” to alleviate my symptoms. When I lost the weight, nothing changed. Some symptoms even seemed to get worse.

I had grown tired of all the referrals and guesses. I had explained to my original primary care physician years ago that I suspected that I had PCOS. It was dismissed as anxiety and medical hysteria. I tried again with three other physicians to be met with the same fate— try to lose weight, take this metformin, exercise daily, change your diet, etc.

This could have been treated years ago if someone would have just listened.

*3 hours later

I was in the kitchen eating when my cell phone rang. I picked it up thinking it was the call I had been dreading. I was eager to get this over with. Just say it, and let's move on.

“Hello, this is Bella,” I mumbled into the phone. I was on the edge again. Trying my hardest to breathe and stay calm. “Bell, where are you?” asked Terry. “Terry?” I asked pulling the phone away from my ear and looking at it. Fuck! Why didn't I look before answering? Why didn't I block him?

“Bella, I'm s—,” he started to speak before I interrupted him. “Save it. I… I don't care anymore,” I said through tears. “Bells, I was—,” he started again. “No,” I said sobbing into the phone. “Could you just—!” he yelled into the phone. That was it. I didn't have to deal with this. I hung up the phone and laid it on the table in front of me.

Pushing the plate away, I laid across my arms crying with my head down. My Godmother and Godsister were both gone to work. That left me alone once again with my emotions— all of them.

ring ring ring

Not again. I picked up the phone in anger. “I don't want to talk to you!” I screamed into the phone. “Isabella? It's Dr. Moore. We need to speak about scheduling your surgery immediately,” he said in a startled tone. “I'm sorry, Dr. Moore. I'm having a…,” I said taking a deep breath. “I can call back if—,” he said. “No!” I blurted out. “Sorry. Please, tell me now,” I whimpered. I was flying between emotions faster than my body could manage.

“Well, honey. I'm sorry to bring you such bad news at this time, but we're going to need to remove your left ovary. The cysts were quite large, and… Unfortunately, the biopsy indicated they were cancerous. The safest option is to remove the affected ovary and all endometriosis deposits. Later on, we can discuss any further changes,” he said. “Changes?” I questioned while sniffling. “If it progresses any further, we may have to perform a hysterectomy.” Dr. Moore continued to talk, but I had dissociated from the conversation. This was it.

My mind was overflowing with questions. Will I be able to have kids? Would this even get rid of the cancer? If it did, would it come back? Would life ever be normal for me?

I don't know. I'll probably never know.

*Later in the day

ring ring ring

Hours had passed since the call ended. I didn't want to talk. I didn't want to move. I didn't want to think. I had planned my whole life around me and Terry's relationship— kids, a house, a minivan, a dog, all of it. Now, everything was gone. Maybe my mother was right, I am cursed.

ring ring ring

“Who is it?” I sobbed into the phone. “It's me, Bella. Baby, can you please just listen to me?” Terry pleaded over the phone. “Why, huh? What’s there to listen to? You said everything you needed to say,” I yelled. All of my feelings were being overshadowed by my anger.

“I didn't mean it, Bella. That wasn't supposed to happen. I love you. You know that!” Terry yelled. “I don't know that, Terry. If you loved me, you wouldn't have said it. You meant it with all your fucking heart. You stood on it when you left without saying a word. No goodbye. No sorry. Nothing. That's not love,” I blurted out. I was beyond tired of holding my tongue. “Stop being so fuckin' childish right now and use your brain. You're always so damn emoti—,” he said cutting himself off. “Nah, say it! I'm too fucking emotional, huh? Ain't that right, Terry?” I screamed again. Tears were streaming down my face falling onto the kitchen table.

“I’m always sick, and… and I'm… I'm always emotional. That's what you… that's what you said, right? THEN, WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU WITH ME?!” I screamed as loud as I could. I threw the phone across the room. It hit the wall and shattered. Good. No more phone calls. No more doctors. No more — Terry.

Taglist: @avoidthings @brattyfics @slutsareteacherstoo @pocketsizedpanther

@nahimjustfeelingit-writes @blowmymbackout @5headsupremacist @creartivefairy

@insidefeelingofanadult @revealingco @keyaho @jimmybutlrr @gg-trini

@nayaxwrites @miyuhpapayuh @poektiou624 @gwenda-fav @nayaesworld

@ittsstephanieee @beenathembo @blyffe @thegreatlibraryofalex @persethegawd

[mrsfrecklesmarauders]

2012

"There's no way this is my mother"

Sirius saw the girl in the picture and didn't recognize her. But there was a sensation that he knew her very well. She seemed familiar but too far away.

They there were, the same gray eyes he saw when he looked into the mirror everyday. The same arrogant eyebrows. The same cheeky smile. The same black hair.

Many members of his family told him that he looked like her. But Sirius didn't believe it until now.

"Oh that's Wally in the flesh" Uncle Alphard said as he lit his cigarette "Back when she was fun anyway"

Fun, she did look. At least in the old picture he was holding. Walburga looked around eighteen. She was truly beautiful, as she glowed in her youth. She was wearing a cool red dress, ripped thighs, boots and a leather jacket that Sirius would definitely fall in love with.

Walburga wasn't smiling at the camera. She was poking her tongue out. And showing rock fingers. Walburga didn't even like rock, did she?

Sirius couldn't have gotten his good taste from his boring mother.

"Your mother changed a lot" Alphard explained, as if he was reading his nephew's mind "I suspect it was your father's doing... But she is not longer the cool girl from the picture"

It hurt even more, Sirius figured. He felt better believing he had nothing to do with his family. That he was different and better than all of them.

"She was a bit of a rebel, alright" Alphard added with a nostalgic smile "Quite like you, I may say"

No! Sirius didn't like it.

A cold hearted Walburga that had always been strict and boring was so easier to hate than this cool version of her. A girl that once was full of life.

It told that Sirius had the possibility of having a cool mother. Or getting along with her at least. If he was like her, she should like him. But she didn't. She didn't even care about him. He was nothing but a burden to her.

Sirius wondered what happened to her to make her so indifferent. So unattached to everything. Full of fancy things and still beautiful but empty inside...

He put the picture away.

****

1995

"Are you done taking the picture, Alphie?" Walburga asked with a smile.

"Mother is going to hate you posing like that, Wally" Alphard said, putting the camera down "You know her..."

"Ladies should behave under God's gaze..."

Both siblings recited at the same time, then laughed.

"The woman is so annoying. She thinks rock n roll is Devil's music" Wally added.

"Not our fault the Devil has good taste, though" Alphard said making his sister laugh.

"I'm going out" Walburga added carefully.

"Now?" Alphard scoffed "It's your birthday"

"My... My friends want to celebrate with me for a bit..."

Walburga blushed. She wondered if Alphard would like Alex. Probably not. They wouldn't have anything in common. If only Alex knew how posh her family was. He would laugh.

"Your Hogwarts friends?"

"Yes" Walburga blinked innocently. She actually didn't have friends. Only Alex.

Alphard sighed "Wally..."

The girl didn't even let him finish "Please... Please, Alphie!" and she made a lost puppy face because she knew how her brother melt with it "You need to cover me, please"

"Cygnus and I are here for your birthday, Wally" Alphard explained "You can't leave. Mother would get annoying and Father..."

Alphard didn't need to finish the sentence. They both knew how their father was. He lost his temper and they all suffered the consequences. The three of them were afraid of him.

"The girls helped the maids decorate the cake" Alphard changed the subject "Bella is gonna ask a lot of questions if you're gone. She's very clever and intuitive for an eight year old"

Walburga gave him a comforting smile "I'll be back in time for the cake. I promise"

Alphard took a deep breath "Promise it"

Walburga smirked triumphantly. She kissed her brother's cheek. Alphard would always be her favorite brother.

"I promise! I promise!" she jumped on her feet "I promise I'll be back..."

Alphard smiled and winked.

"Where are you going, Wally?"

They both turned to look at the new voice. Walburga's smile disappeared from her face.

Orion.

She couldn't believe he was back from Boston. That boy was the reminder of Walburga's darker years at school.

"A skank!" her classmates would whisper "So slutty that she even does it with her own cousin"

"So disgusting! Having incestuous sex doesn't give you like a venereal disease or something?"

"She probably doesn't care"

"I mean I get that Orion is devilishly handsome but he is her cousin!... Who is next? Her two brothers?"

"Eew!! Such a whore!"

Giggles. Giggles and more giggles.

Walburga didn't notice that she was clenching her nails in her palm until she felt pain and she realized it was bleeding.

She didn't like the way Orion looked at her. As if she was a delicious piece of meat.

Walburga was not fourteen anymore. She was not letting that arsehole manipulate her anymore. She was in love. She had Alex now.

"It's none of your business, Orion" she spat.

Then she leaned to kiss Alphard's cheek again.

"Thank you, Alphie" she whispered in his ear "Don't worry. I'll be back"

Then with a nasty look at Orion she turned around and left the room.

Orion walked towards Alphard.

"Are you seriously going to let her go dressed like that?"

Alphard didn't respond. He just pushed Orion against the wall so hard that he groaned in pain.

"I told you to stay away from my sister, didn't I?"

Orion smiled evily.

"She is a freaking adult now" he spat "She doesn't need her stupid faggot brother protecting her"

Alphard put an arm against his throat, choking him.

"Disgusting pig, she is your cousin"

Orion coughed trying to breath "Second... Cousin..." he managed to say.

Alphard pushed him to the floor furiously. He gave him a disgusting look. The walked away.

"Stupid cock sucker" Orion mumbled as he coughed on the floor.

****

2012

"You're late again, Sirius" Walburga said "Where did you go with Alphard this time? You always take too long with him. We were waiting for you to have dinner"

Sirius was very silent and very curious. Walburga conserved her beauty. But she was nothing like the girl from the picture. She dressed elegantly, always. With makeup and jewelry. Always neat.

"I told you, Wally. I don't like Sirius hanging out with the faggot of you brother" Orion commented as he took a sip of his wine.

"Alphard is not a faggot" Walburga answered calmly.

Orion snorted in a mocking way. "Right"

Sirius was too busy staring at his mother, trying to recognize her that he didn't defend his Uncle as always.

"What are you waiting for, boy!" Orion tutted "Sit down!"

Was it really true his father changed her? Alphard didn't want to go into details.

Walburga had noticed she was being stared, though.

"What are you looking at?" She spat "You're late and you are staring at me without respect? Do I have something on my face?"

Shame. Sirius thought.

Sirius wondered how his life would be if Walburga continued to be the girl from the picture. Just like he was now.

What a hypocrite! She used to be a rebel, she used to hate the family and the money as well. She used to lie to sneak out. She used to smoke and drink behind her parents' back. Alphard had told him that.

Wasn't it hilarious that she dared to control her son like that?

The irony of it all and the grieving of the old Walburga made him smile.

"Nothing, Walburga"

Sirius took a seat next to his brother that seemed relieved that he had obeyed.

"Pass me the potatoes, Reg?"

"Yeah" Regulus obeyed looking at his brother curiously.

Sirius was using his mocking expression. Trying not to laugh under his breath. He probably seemed like a crazy person.

"So what did you do at your Uncle's exactly?" Orion asked raising an eyebrow.

Sirius bit his lip not to laugh.

"Just talk" he said "He showed me some funny pictures about you guys in the past" and he looked at his mother in the eye.

Walburga moved on her chair uncomfortably. But she held his gaze.

"What a crazy man" Orion tutted as he continued eating.

Sirius and his mother continued looking at each other defyingly. Regulus looked between them like a tennis match.

He was not giving in. But he figured Walburga wouldn't as well.

Shit, Sirius thought. Maybe there were similar in some ways after all. And Sirius didn't like that.

[trashland-llamas]

Grrrr?

Sequel to Meow?

Remus kept feeling something was off about their feline friend. There was something oddly human about it's mannerisms, lately acting like it had a crush on him. More hot and cold than the usual cat. 'Remus!' Head popping up in the direction of Sirius' voice. Confused, he followed Sirius' glance, jumping back when he realized he'd over-poured the usual amount of milk needed for his cereal. 'What's got you so out of focus?' James piped in. 'Have you notice anything weird about that black cat that appears out of nowhere around us?' Sirius pretended to ignore him, making the decision to not interfere as he couldn't reveal his brother's secret. Wasn't his place either. 'Beside it being awfully loving towards you? Not really, why?' James' response did nothing to quell his nerves. 'Speak of the devil.' Sirius met Regulus' cat eye, a silent conversation happening between the brothers. The conversation dissolving into thin air.

Regulus' nerves were noticeable to his friends, causing them to ask more questions. 'Lily said she never saw you in the library yesterday.' Severus deadpanned. Raising an eyebrow when Regulus coughed, scrambling to slam a textbook over his parchment. 'Realized I had already done the potions essay when I got there, went to the black lake instead.' Biting his tongue so he didn't release the elongated hiss he wanted to. 'Okay.' Severus walked away, aloof as ever. 'Fuck, fuck, fuck.' Whispering to himself, Regulus quickly ran to his dorm. Dumping all his books onto his desk, except for the parchment. 'Better not be in there for an hour!' Barty shouted, banging on the bathroom door for effect.

'Follow me.' Remus read aloud the parchment in the cat's mouth. 'I better not end up getting murdered because of this.' Once again with the oddities, the cat's shoulders moved up and down as if it were laughing at him. Sirius, knowing of his brother's plan, watched the map. James giving him a confused look when he flailed his feet before throwing himself back on his bed. Proudly thinking to himself, 'my brother's getting himself a boyfriend!' He'd definitely be pinching the younger's cheeks the next time he saw him. Taking a trail familiar to Remus, they stopped halfway before reaching the Weeping Willow. Regulus directing them out of sight from the Slytherin's entry window, only wanting Remus to see what he was about to reveal. Nudging the werewolf's wrist, directing him to turn the parchment. It explained what was about to happen.

As Remus looked up from the parchment, he watched as the cat turned human. Fur shooting back into the skin, back straightening from his crouched position. 'Regulus? You're the cat.' Remus' face turned red as all the affection he's lavished the cat with came to the forefront of his memory. 'I know this is quite the shock, there's a reason why I'm showing you this.' Glad Remus hadn't ran like he thought he would when his brain short circuited. 'I like you, a lot and I'm not just saying that. I truly mean it but I understand that you only know the cat version of me.' Regulus' hands moving sporadically as he spoke as he carefully chose his words. He swore he'd have Bella remove his memory if he screwed this up, the embarrassment would be that bad.

Remus picking up on the double meaning of Regulus' confession cleared his throat. This quickly silenced the younger. 'I wouldn't mind dating you but we have to start off as friends. I think I'm owed that much.' Nodding, Regulus walked Remus back to his dorm, waving goodbye as he sneaked back to deal with a lecture from Barty. 'Did you know?' Remus tone accusatory.

'Only since last week, James has no clue. I wanted to tell you but wasn't my place.'

'I get it, I truly do. But I still hate you for it.' That sentence being the last Remus displayed regarding his anger. Well, that plus some silent treatment that Sirius took like a champ. The two still keeping James and Peter in the dark though.

[demcnsinmymind]

On a scale of 1 to making a fanart interpretation of Klimt's the kiss as your phone background and starting a drawing of themTM after 4 years of not doing anything artsy, how rotten has your brain gotten over a new fandom you slipped in. And just how unhinged have you become over the perfect depiction of aromantic, flawed characters who love and feel so deeply

Me: yes

John: No. My friendship saved me. My connection to this man. My love for Arthur. Saved. Me.

John to Arthur: I struggled a long time to figure out what I am. Which I am to be. But I know now. I cannot fit into your version of what you think I must be. But I can and I will let go of what no longer serves me. I am entirely my own. I have been and will always be. And when given the choice, I choose hope. I choose you. To be a part of you. Together, we are whole. And I think you know that, too.

Arthur to John: About how you dealt with her and what she told you (murdering the witch for killing Arthur, mutilating his corpse and saying he didn't matter) and what it taught you about yourself. You know that I love you, too. And that I couldn't do this without you.

John: I know.

Arthur: But I don't recall if I ever told you. How proud I am of you. For finding your way. Without me. Without anyone. It must have been difficult. To fight for who you were. For who you are.

Like disco couldn't say it any better

And I love Harlan for explicitly stating that this is not romantic love or being against male shipping at all, it's just a fact that there's so much more love out there that's just as strong and important as romantic love and hetero- or homoromantic relationships and this is exactly what he wants to depict with them. And which is why I love it soo soo much that the whole Arthur-Bella storyline and being married was depicted as just not working for them both and how unhappy it made them, just because society expected them both to be in a heteronormative relationship.

The way Malev depicts humanity and identity, being entirely your own person and discovering who you are and what fits and in return accepting the very same thing in another person, that they are not and should never be your interpretation and idea of them yet at the same time being capable of loving them, unconditionally and in whatever way, for who they are. That kind of trust and unconditional devotion. Just UGH.

John's monolog really hit me so deeply. Because it's so similar to me figuring out I'm aro and having to explain that just because I do not desire a marriage or even a relationship the way most people do in my family and friendship circle, that does not make me a heartless monster and that this does not mean I am not capable of feeling deep love. I simply don't fit into your version and view of love and I don't have to, and that does not make me any less of a person.

[onlyjaeyun]

Honestly, I'm not even a damn singer, and if Enhypen was all you wanna feature on our song, my ass would have came up with a verse, like maybe it's just praise kink coming out, but I would want to impress who I'm working with since you think you would want your feature to add something to a song, not just sing over the original song, like this ain't karaoke babes. I feel like the perfect song length is like 3:40, not too short, not too long, but all Hybe is making lately is like 2:20, like I think they are allergic to making long good songs, the longest song on both &Team's album and Enhypen's together is 3:48, and it's not even a real song, it's the prologue Mortal. Like War Cry is even shorter than Sweet Venom, like you don't have time to jam or get into the song, you get the vibe and just boom over, give us longer songs, like it's ridiculous, not every song needs to be short so it's easier to stream. I saw a Sweet Venom line distribution video, and it was probably the worst one I've personally seen for Enhypen; like Sunghoon got like 8 seconds, Jungwon got 10, Jake got 14, Niki got 15, Sunoo got 16, Jay got 18, and Heeseung got 46. Like I get it Heeseung main vocal, but you telling me the others couldn't have each hit one of those swee-hee-hee-t venom-nom-nom. Like War Cry is somehow better distributed with 9 members, despite Fuma getting only 4 seconds, Jo who has the most only got 22. Honestly, it do seem like that, like Enhypen with Bella, TXT with Anitta, and BTS with Sia. I honestly just want one question for Hybe regarding the next comeback, Chamber 5 studio version when, since it was just a cute song, and I think we need it, like Chamber 5 mv and all, I know Sunghoon would probably hate it seeing how he hated when Sunoo picked him to perform it, but that Chamber 5 dance practice with them dressed like fruits lives rent free in my mind, and we need a studio version. Also you listening to 10 Months while writing angst reminds me how I wrote this sad fic while listening to this song called Heartbeat by Carrie Underwood on repeat the whole time. Like the song is all 'I love the way you look in a firefly glow', 'dancing to the rhythm of your heartbeat' meanwhile I'm writing "No matter how long it took, even if he never found his way back to you again, you would never love another, and your heart would always ache for him, the one you believe is genuinely your one true love."

i wholeheartedly agree with the first part! i feel like ever since not only enha's but also new jeans' debut they've been making their new groups' songs shorter and shorter but i just dont get why? there was still so much potential in sweet venom as well as bite me so why not add another verse and make the song just thirty seconds longer??? i honestly dislike this wave of short songs like let me have at least 3 minutes to enjoy ???? i cant even get into the groove bc by the time i do it's already finished?💀 but yeah, genuinely wishing for their future tt's to bw a tad bit lobger to make the line distribution a little fairer 💔 i love love love jungwon's and hoonie's voices and would have loved to hear them more but we got them in still monster so i'm super happy (plus jay got to shine a lot this time and it makes me so 🥺 bc his voice is kind of my fave? but yeah)

also personally i just know those features are nothing but a way to promote bc she wasnt bad or anything but she also didnt add anything to the song imo 😭 i liked their harmony but that's it? she didnt even get a verse (which makes sense as the so g is so short already) but looking at proper collabs from their seniors like bts x nicki minaj it's just kinda disappointing but expected atp

and omg i love listening to happy songs when i write angst bc it kinda makes me write it even sadder than it is LMAO

[aserene]

What’s something new that you tried in a fic this year? How did it turn out and would you do it again? I tried the OTP every month. It was hard to write short stories.

How many fics did you work on this year? (They don’t have to be finished or published!) 47

What’s something you learned about yourself as a writer? I find it very hard to write short stories.

What piece of media inspired you the most? Fate Winx Saga

What fandom(s) did you write for this year? NCIS, Fate Winx Saga, Labyrinth, Wednesday, Chilling Adventures of Sabrina, House of Dragons

What ship(s) captured your heart? Silrah

What character(s) captured your heart? Rhaneys Targaryen Velaryon

Did you write for a new fandom or ship this year? Silrah / Fate Winx Saga

What fic meant the most to you to write? Sparrow,Sparrow

What fic made you feel the happiest to work on? Caturday Series

What fic was the most satisfying to finish writing? Bella Noche, finished after ten years.

What fic was the most difficult to write? Did you finish it? Bella Noche. I had a bet and that was the only thing that motivated me.

What fic was the easiest to write? Snow.

What were your shortest and longest fics this year? Longest (completed) Bella Noche 29,205 / Shortest Completed (A road so rough, this I know (1,511)

Rec a fic you wrote or posted in 2023 Let me tell you a tail  is a charming transformation story where Bloom finds herself in trouble. Complete with parental Farah, Silrah, and a surprise villain. 10/10

What were you go-to writing songs? Sparrow, Sparrow (Malena Cadiz), Vapour (Vancouver Sleep Clinic), Start of Time (Gabrielle Aplin)

What were your go-to writing snacks? Wine.

What was the hardest fic to title? ferns are what it must mean to love without yearning. We debated so many titles.

Share your favorite opening line The Winx knew they would be in expulsion-level trouble if their Headmistress ever found out what they had done.

Share your favorite ending line The two women laughed before settling back to their observation of a Hellspawn and a Fairy playing with fire in the garden.

Share your favorite piece of dialogue From Heir of the Dragon... Dialogue that sparked it's own story:

“Wait, the smoking incident. Andreas said you knocked over a candle.”

“That’s what we told him…”

“Oh…Oh hell,” Ben realizes.

“Really thought it was a fairy thing, but then it never happened again, well, I mean the fire, yes, but the wings, no…”

Share an excerpt from your favorite scene from Sparrow, Sparrow “Oh, but I do, and I can sum it up in a word,” Farah threatened, taking another step closer. “Bloom.” Rosalind’s eyebrow rose in surprise as Farah’s eyes shifted to white, and she extended her hand toward Rosalind as if gripping something. “I think you should take a sabbatical, permanently.” 

Share the final version of a sentence or paragraph you struggled with. What about it was challenging? Are you happy with how it turned out? A road so rough, this I know --- the entire story. I hated it from start to finish. I couldn't get the emotions right. I still don't like it, but it was a lesson learned from OTP Challenge, a short story that you don't like is better than none at all.

What's something that surprised you while you were working on a fic? Did it change the story? The villain. In two separate stories, I had a surprise villain that I did not see coming. The muse wants what the muse wants.

What did you use to write? (e.g. writing programs, paper & pen, etc.) Google Docs--- Paper and pen

If you had to choose one, what was THE most satisfying writing moment of your year? Completing all 12 of the OTP Challenge fic for both NCIS and Fate. I was insane for doing it for two fandoms, but I did and I'm thrilled.

Did you do anything special to celebrate finishing a fic? After I finished Bella Noche, I was over the moon. I bought a new blanket!

How did you recharge between fics? Recharge? What's that? I do not know how to relax. I need to learn.

If this were an awards show, who would you thank? @luciechat --- who has to listen to the very long plot bunnies that I randomly come up with... @myalchod for being so encouraging and helping to beta ... @crazycatfaery for doing some amazing art! @winxsource discord for literally everything. They got me involved in writing for this fandom.

What’s something that you want to write in 2024? I want to finish all of my unfinished fics... But what I really want to write... is another story in the Enchantrix and More that I've planned since I finally decided it was a series. 

fic writer asks

What’s something new that you tried in a fic this year? How did it turn out and would you do it again?

How many fics did you work on this year? (They don’t have to be finished or published!)

What’s something you learned about yourself as a writer?

What piece of media inspired you the most?

What fandom(s) did you write for this year?

What ship(s) captured your heart?

What character(s) captured your heart?

Did you write for a new fandom or ship this year?

What fic meant the most to you to write?

What fic made you feel the happiest to work on?

What fic was the most satisfying to finish writing?

What fic was the most difficult to write? Did you finish it?

What fic was the easiest to write?

What were your shortest and longest fics this year?

Rec a fic you wrote or posted in 2023

What were you go-to writing songs?

What were your go-to writing snacks?

What was the hardest fic to title?

Share your favorite opening line

Share your favorite ending line

Share your favorite piece of dialogue

Share an excerpt from your favorite scene

Share the final version of a sentence or paragraph you struggled with. What about it was challenging? Are you happy with how it turned out?

What's something that surprised you while you were working on a fic? Did it change the story?

What did you use to write? (e.g. writing programs, paper & pen, etc.)

If you had to choose one, what was THE most satisfying writing moment of your year?

Did you do anything special to celebrate finishing a fic?

How did you recharge between fics?

If this were an awards show, who would you thank?

What’s something that you want to write in 2024?

[struggle-but-its-all-ocean-floor]

Quick Orange Blood review:

Mortal - this intro is sooooo looooong, it's literally the longest song in the album and it's a fucking intro. Somehow they decided to mix the usual "talking in different languages about their lore or whatever"(aka, the cheapest way to add an extra song to the album without fully writing one) with a chorus - and it was a terrible idea. It's such a long and boring intro, and repeating the chorus twice only makes it longer. I literally couldn't care less if they're vampires, or humans who turn into vampires, or whatever their lore is. For a company that is trying so desperately to reach a wider audience, they really think lore in an album intro is the best idea? Why don't they save that for literally anything else, like books, series, etc., as they already do. 0/10

Sweet Venom - it's growing on me. It's definitely nice but a bit short and repetitive. 8/10

Still Monster - this song is so Perfect Night coded - the entire album is actually. Still, it's a nice song, mid, but a very easy listen. 7.5/10

Blind - really nice beginning, not a great pre-chorus, but the chorus and verses are good, and it really sticks the landing with some great adlibs and vocals at the end, and a bridge too! 8.5-9/10, strongest song in the album to me.

Orange Flower (You Complete Me) - nice beginning, but I don't like the chorus much. It's a nice, albeit bland, song. 7.5/10

Sweet Venon (English Vers.) - how surprising that the last two songs aren't new and the first one is an intro... Of the 7 tracks, only 4 are new. The English version sounds fine, but it's unnecessary. Or they big enough that English versions have a real impact to them?

Sweet Venom (feat. Bella Poarch) - they're really pushing it by even adding a version with a feature... Bella Poarch is pretty useless in the track, but she isn't there to make the song better wbk. Her verses aren't good and bring the song down, but her adlibs and harmonies in the chorus are nice. Still, she doesn't add much to the song. 7/10

Overall, I was surprised I liked the album (or not, since @mykkjae didn't haha). This is the second Enhypen album I've liked, after the Tamed-Dashed one. But I do like Perfect Night and chill songs like this - I'm a gg fan - so it makes sense that I found the album pretty pleasant. It's nothing special though, like a 7/10 - it could be better if it didn't have 3 versions of the same song and a long ass glorified intro. Enhypen always play it safe. It's not surprising they do better on Spotify (I'm pretty sure) than TXT. Enhypen's entire concept is being sexy and doing fan-service - that's why most of their performances are boring. If only they moved on from their hypersexualized image I would find their performances more interesting. Given-Taken and Drunk Dazed are the only choreos I remember liking.

[jjofalltrades]

Bella Rivers & Hamish “Hot Pie” Baxter Saw an earlier version of a collage I did when I first came up with the pair in Wolf Hunt. Here is another edit of the soon-to-be-happy couple. Can't wait to introduce them to the story. You'll get some sweet-tooth fluff with them to hold you over until Arya and Gendry reunite.

[futuremrsdrcullen]

Aren't We Just Terrified - Part Two

Part Two of the New Moon reader insert fic that I've been promising for FAR far too long.

Summery- The idea of facing mortal danger just to see a ghost of him almost sounded rational here.

I watched as Bella hugged her chest to keep herself whole. I stood by as she chased adrenaline for the smallest glimpse of Edward.

I didn’t feel perfect- standing there didn’t heal me. I let out a small humorless laugh and shook my head accepting that I couldn’t keep pretending that there was never a wound in the first place.

Word Count- 8,284

Warnings- This is New Moon, so it's a lot darker than the first. IF YOU HAVEN'T READ I'm Always in This Twilight READ THAT FIRST!! Depression, abandonment, misunderstandings, break ups, Age gaps because of vampires, angst! It's very angsty, but it gets better! I promise it has a very happy ending.

Notes from me- My name is Claire and this is my second love child. I have finally finished my version of New Moon and I could not be more excited for you guys to see it.

This is book 2 of probably 5 so stayed tuned for the rest of them.

I DO NOT own The Twilight Saga. All rights go directly to S. Meyer.

Read on AO3 <3

Part one <3 Masterlist <3

Thank you for being here, I Love you <3

Aren't We Just Terrified - Part Two

OCTOBER

NOVEMBER

DECEMBER

JANUARY

Funny thing, Time is.

If I think about what day it is, it feels like time is flying past, just a blur of motion surrounding me.

But all of the things that happened before September, the good things, the things that killed me to think about, those all feel like a lifetime away.

Funny, that even though I wish it would all stop, time keeps moving on.

~~

Dad and Bella were fighting in the kitchen. He finally had the courage to bring up Renee's idea. I knew she wouldn’t go. It probably would only make her worse anyhow. 

“I have to get to school.” I heard her chair scrape across the kitchen floor as I descended the stairs. “I’ll make plans with Jessica… Maybe I won’t be home for dinner. We’ll go see a movie.” I doubted Jessica would even give her the time of day anymore.

Dad didn’t say anything else. I watched as Bella rushed out the front door. She didn’t say anything to me, if she even saw me standing there.

I sighed and went into the kitchen. Dad was still sitting at the table, face in his hands. My heart broke for him. Well, what was left of my heart that could break, broke for him then. I couldn’t imagine what it was like for him to watch her suffering day in, day out. I sat next to him in the chair that Bella had left open. 

“I hate seeing her like this… It can't be normal.”

“None of this is normal.” I said quietly. He choked out a laugh.

“I worry about you too, you know?” He grabbed my hand, I shivered at his touch reflexively, but nodded. “You quit your job-” 

“Technically I was fired…” I was handling the separation… better than Bella, at least. Dad was right, I had gotten fired, because I just stopped going. It was too painful to be there most days. My boss told me I could come back when I was ready. I didn’t think I ever would be.

“Because you never went in. You cut your hair, and now you barely leave the house. You don’t even write anymore.” I read in a magazine that a ‘post-breakup’ haircut gives some people clarity, or gives them back some kind of control of their own lives. It helped marginally, I felt more in control, I just hadn’t decided if I wanted to be or not. I didn’t write anymore, that was true, I just couldn't bring myself to ‘express myself’.

“I’m trying…”

“I know, I see that.” He squeezed my hand. “Both of you are doing better. I just wish I could make it better for you somehow.”

“If only it were that easy.” I found any excuse to not have to leave. Bella went to school, though her grades definitely took a hit, but she woke up everyday, got dressed, and went to school. I did not fare as well, but I wanted to try and now was as good a time as any to start anew.

 Silently cursing that I’d had him pick up the few groceries we’d needed yesterday; I sighed and tried to think of what I could do. I could get dressed, I could leave the house, at least. That would ease his mind a bit. “I was thinking of going out today, anyway. I need a few new books to read and maybe a new notebook for writing. I’ll go to a couple stores.”

He smiled softly and nodded, “Good. That’s good. I’ve got to get to work, but you’ll call if you need anything?” 

“Sure.”

He kissed my head “Love you kid.” 

“You too Dad.” He shuffled out the front door. 

I laid my forehead on the table in front of me, trying to brainstorm an actual idea of where I could go. 

~~

It took a few hours, but once I was in my car it felt like a force was pulling me to their old driveway. I had to chase the urge to find even the smallest trace of him. Something, anything , to prove that it was real at all. I spent more time there than in my own home last summer. Driving there felt like second nature. 

I got lost in my thoughts on the drive over and before I knew it, I was pulling into their driveway. It took me a second to recognize the house. The grass has started to grow up around the edges of everything. Ivy was everywhere. It didn’t take long before nature moved to reclaim what had once belonged to it.

It was still beautiful, still took my breath away. Except now, it looked like no one had ever been here at all. There was no life left here. Just what remains after a bunch of dusty, old vampires left with no regard for the lives they destroyed in their wake.

Maybe I was still a little bitter, but there was this insistent screaming in the back of my head. What if this was it? What if this is all I get? Every woman who had loved my Dad left him, Bella’s first love ended the same way. All of my relationships ended in my own heartbreak. What if we were cursed and I wasn’t going to get anything more then what this was and it’s already over? How could I not be at least a little bitter? I wanted this to make me feel normal again.

I turned my car off and found the key to my house on the key chain. ‘ It’s yours- as long as you want it.’ I could hear the words in my head, but before now, I'd never been past this point. I hadn’t thought about going in.

I held the key to the house in my hand and squeezed it til I felt the teeth press against my palm. It didn’t hurt. I just held tightly on to it, like if I tried hard enough, I could crumble it to dust. Without the key, I would have no way of getting inside. Still it didn’t bend.

The day he left, he’d ask me to take care of his plants. I didn’t know why, considering I’d never successfully taken care of a plant in my life, nor had I ever seen a live plant in their house and yet, in a moment of pure heartbreak, he asked me to water his fucking plants. I didn’t. I think it was safe to assume those plants were very, very, dead by now. 

This was only the second time I had made it to their house at all, and the first was just days after they left, but I never actually made it out of my car. I just sat there crying into my hands until the sun went down, until I was sure Dad and Bella were in bed, then I drove straight home and didn’t think to come back.

Until today.

Today, I got out of the car. My lip trembled, and tears welling in my eyes. But as I tried to blink them away; I wished I didn’t miss him so much. I wanted to be stronger.

I built up my courage like a fire in my chest. Each sharp, shaky breath moved me closer to the door. I put one foot on the porch and the whole thing froze over. I half expected him to swing the door open. I clenched my eyes close, but I could still picture it. Him swinging the door open, his golden eyes finding mine. I could feel his hand on my cheek, his lips on mine. Everything felt better, for just a moment.

When I opened my eyes, the door was still closed and everything still ached.

Another deep breath got me to the door and I got it unlocked and open on the exhale. As shaky as it was, it was my last solid breath before I fell to pieces again.

Everything was there. Absolutely everything. Besides the dust cloths, it looked the exact same. I flipped the light switch expecting nothing to happen, but the room still flooded with light. They had left everything behind here too. Nothing mattered enough for them to take it with them. The trash can I used to empty the dustpan after sweeping up was still in the middle of the room, now missing a trash bag.

Everything here had just been discarded so they could start over.

Including Bella and me.

I walked further into the room. I pulled the dust cover off of the closet chair, and fell into it. I didn’t notice that it was the chair, the same chair I'd fallen apart in when he’d first told me he was a vampire. I could see the dining room from here. My tea set from Rosalie and Emmett on the table. 

It all felt hopeless, he still wasn’t here. I just wanted to feel him again. The chair was here, the teapot was here, but he wasn't. I had started to feel so comfortable here. I was in love with the idea of forever with them; with him.

The fact that all of this was still here, covered up, discarded…

Was all just bullshit.

I started really crying at some point. I noticed I wasn’t really breathing and all I could make were these horrible gasping sounds. Even here, a place I had once felt so safe, I couldn’t keep the demons away. 

I didn’t make it past the living room.

By the time I could stand again, the sun had started to set.

I just drove back home.

~~

I often dreamt of him.

My dreams were the only place I could still find happiness with him.

We would be watching Buffy, or sitting across from each other while I wrote and he did paper work. Domestic dreams that brought me comfort in a world of pain and chaos.

The dream I had after the first time I’d gone back to their house felt new and, like the rest of them, felt real. I hadn’t been hiking with him in months, it was too cold. When the snow finally started to melt and we headed up the mountain. It wasn’t raining and I was so in awe of him. We passed through patches of sunlight and I couldn’t help but watch the light dance along his skin. 

We could have hiked for the usual hour, or many more. It all felt the same. I really only paid attention to his face. Once we reached the top, he plucked a lupine flower from the patch near the treeline and handed it to me. We sat on the ground, near the edge of the cliff and watched the water below. I played with the petals in my hand.

“I wish… I wish it didn’t hurt so much. When you’re gone.” I whispered to him.

His smile didn’t falter. “Why would I leave?” The question caught me off guard. I didn’t have any anwer. We were so happy. Everything was so right. Why would he leave? Why did I feel like there was a hole in my chest? I didn’t have to explain my confusion. “I’m right here, Cara. My heart will always be yours.”

He leaned in and I let him kiss me. I felt his cool touch on my cheek and leaned into it. I let his comfort wash over me. I pulled back just to look at him again. I smiled as his eyes met mine. 

My voice never rose above a whisper, “I love you.”

“I love you, Y/n”

There was something beeping as he said my name. I blinked a few times and the dream faded. I was still in my room. It was raining and everything was gray and my alarm clock was going off. I could barely see the button through my tears. Once I got it off, reality set in.

Nothing was golden and soft like it had been. He had still left. He was still gone. 

I’d grown numb to the pain in my chest, although I once thought I never would. I still laid there shaking and sobbing, but I’d always managed to keep the noise down. Dad would have run in at the first sign of me crying, like he did with Bella, but I didn’t want him to. 

I needed to do this alone. It was better that way.

The only person who could really comfort me, never would again.

~~

It took me a few weeks to pull back out of the darkness I had fallen back into. 

Bella started spending most of her time down on the reservation. She was almost showing improvement. Some days she actually smiled again. Usually when she was talking about Jacob. 

Dumped by one supernatural and jumped right into the arms of another.

Probably.

Though I guess I didn’t know for a fact that Jacob was a werewolf yet. There were whispers about the other boys around town. They’d all gone from regular boys to full grown men in a matter of days. First with Sam, then Jared, who I’d only heard of, but didn’t know personally, two others, names I didn’t recognize. It all started the same way. 

“They must live at the gym”

“I want some of what they’re having.”

“Wow, how are they all so hot?”

That last one always felt icky. Considering most of them, besides Sam, were under-age. Even Sam was only 19, maybe 20 now. Do werewolves even age? Like the transformation into a vampire freezes your mental state. Edward would always be 17 and Emmett would always be 20. Did they age until they became werewolves? Then what?

It didn’t matter. I avoided them like the plague. I no longer had any interest in the supernatural. Dad had made reference to me joining Bella on her trips down there, I was friends with Sam and Leah once. I could go and try to catch up with them, but I always found a few excuses. He never pressed. Maybe Bella was ready to dive head first into werewolf territory, but I simply refused. 

Then Bella smashed her head ‘hiking’ and had to get stitches; which felt like normal Bella stuff, but I still didn’t know how I felt about her monster replacement, especially now since she was doing dangerous things with him. 

Now she was hiking with him while there were murderous ‘bears’- probably just the wolves- running around. If I had to guess, I’d say she was looking for the meadow Edward used to take her, but that was just a guess. On today's agenda though, the very daunting task of seeing a movie with friends, where one Mike Newton was not supposed to get the wrong idea.

Neither was Jake, who was 16 and flirted with her non-stop, and possibly a werewolf.

Bella really was a danger magnet.

And I was a hypocrite.

I had just spent literal hours climbing around the forest trying to find the place Carlisle took me. At least she had the possible werewolf to protect her. I was alone. And having no luck The ‘path’ was completely overgrown, not even a trace of it left.

I had to blame the dream for the recent influx of dangerous activity. I hadn’t thought of the cliff side since before they left. But now there was a voice in my head I couldn’t tune out, screaming that mabe, just maybe, I could find some trace of him there. 

Though at this point, I figured I'd never find it.

Edward told Bella it would be as if they never existed and standing here, out of breath, alone in the woods I understood why. By the time we thought to check somewhere, Forks had already begun to reclaim it.

I walked for 15 minutes in a straight line before giving up and returned to their front porch. Between the rain, the brush, and the weeks I’d spent doing practically nothing, I couldn’t do it. I would come back the next day, and every day after that until I found it. 

Or, I guess until the wolves ate me.

I did actually start writing again. Usually from my car in their driveway, or on the front porch. I really wanted to write from the top of the cliff, but I had to find it first.

And not the short stories of magical worlds like before. Just really existential poetry. I took a poetry class where I learned basically nothing. It didn’t make my poetry better, but I did, however, take one thing from it. 

At one point, the guy teaching rolled up his sleeve and had a bunch of seemingly random words written on his arms. The words were just things he saw, like ‘Cow print shoes’ or ‘empty shampoo bottle’. He would then take these things and somehow turn it into some of the most beautiful poetry. 

I was working with ‘ magic words ’ and ‘ small town gossip ’ while sitting on the edge of their porch. Twisting and turning those words, trying to find more meaning in them then there was; I tapped my pen against the wood beneath me and stared at the empty page, hoping something, anything would just magically come to me. Even if it was bad, it would be something .

After too many hours and a poem I only kinda half liked. I decided to call it a night. I wanted to believe finding the cliff would give me…I dunno, closure? No… Clarity, maybe? Or I hoped for at least some inspiration while I was there.

~~

It took me a few solid tries to find the stupid cliff, but when I reached the top I felt like I could actually breathe. It was a breath of relief, only because finding it meant I didn’t have to hike anymore. It didn’t even match the dream. I had worked for months on end just for this disappointing conclusion. It was misty and cold and the flowers hadn’t bloomed yet. 

 And he wasn’t here. I knew he wouldn’t be, but I had hoped he would be up here, waiting for me to figure it out. I felt like I could scream, but I didn’t want the attention that that might bring and I no longer had it in me to cry the way I needed. I hardly had anything left at all. 

I stood there, staring out at the open water, wishing he’d walk through the tree line. As angry as I was pretending to be, I desperately wanted this to come true. I wanted to yell at him and cry while he held me. I wanted him to apologize and promise to never do it again. I wanted to forgive him. Or I at least wanted the choice.

Bella had told me about her dances with danger when I pressed for answers about her head wound. She told me about the bar bikers, and the bikes her and Jake fixed. She even told me about her cliff diving intentions; which I tried to talk her out of it but she assured me it was mostly safe. 

The idea of facing mortal danger just to see a ghost of him almost sounded rational here.

I watched as Bella hugged her chest to keep herself whole. I stood by as she chased adrenaline for the smallest glimpse of Edward.

I didn’t feel perfect- standing there didn’t heal me. I let out a small humorless laugh and shook my head accepting that I couldn’t keep pretending that there was never a wound in the first place.

I let myself fall apart yet again.

~~

Bella was getting bad again. Jacob had cut her out of his life because he was turning into a werewolf, probably. No one could confirm that of course, but I’d started to hear the small small town gossip.

Dad and I had just started to clean up after dinner when Bella threw open the front door. She came into view and Dad started to question her.

“Where have you been?” He must have called the Stanleys, Bella had never been good at covering her tracks.

Wisely she stuck to the truth, I started on the dishes. “I was hiking.”

“What happened to going to Jessica’s?” 

“I didn’t feel like Calculus today.”

Dad crossed his arms, “I thought I told you to stay out of the forest?” I knew he would say that, which is why I hadn’t told him I had started hiking as well.

Maybe I was also a danger mangent, and probably a hypocrite.

“Yeah I know, don’t worry. I won’t do it again.” her voice shook a little as she spoke which made both me and Dad look at her. She was a mess; She looked like she had seen a ghost, and not the kind she had been trying to see. There were leaves and twigs in her hair.

“What happened?” Dad demanded.

Her hesitation spoke volumes, “I saw the bear.” There was a fake calmness behind her already shaky voice. “It’s not a bear though- It’s some kind of wolf. And there are five of them. A big black one, and gray, and reddish-brown…” I snorted a laugh and quickly covered my mouth with my hand. 

“Sorry. Wolves… in Forks, how strange.” I took a sip of my coffee and looked back at the sink. 

Dad’s eyes were wide as he looked at me with bewilderment, before he crossed the room to her and grabbed the tops of her arms. “Are you okay?”

She nodded weakly. Her calm facade had gone right out the window. I crossed the room as well to show support, but I let Dad do the comforting.

“Tell me what happened.”

“They didn’t pay any attention to me. But after they were gone, I ran away and I fell down a lot.”

Dad let go of her shoulders and hugged her tightly instead. I was glad she was okay, but of course they didn’t go after her. She was friends with them. 

Though I did wonder what they were after, if not her. Or why didn’t they just tell her it was them and save her the panic. Maybe they couldn’t talk as wolves and when they’d shifted back they were completely naked, then I guess I got it. I wondered how much of this story she was leaving out for Dad’s sake and I tried not to laugh again.

After a few moments Dad spoke again. “ Wolves?” Duh, Dad… He was completely unaware of all the supernatural in his small town. I was just surprised Bella hadn’t pieced it together already. 

“What?”

“The ranger said the tracks were wrong for a bear- but wolves just don’t get that big…”

“These were huge .” I laughed again.

“How many did you say you saw?” he glared at me over her shoulder, I put my hands up and mouthed a sorry.

“Five” I didn’t know who that accounted for, but the numbers added up.

Dad shook his head, frowning with anxiety, before he put on his stern cop voice. “No more hiking.”

“No problem.” She promised.

Dad called the station to report the wolves. Bella sat down at the table and placed her forehead on the cool surface. I sat next to her, nudging her with my foot. “Of course it’s wolves, right?” I grinned at her, half expecting her to get it, but she just looked confused.

“I just hope they can catch them before they hurt anyone else.” She shuttered. She really didn’t know who the wolves were. I guess there was the possibility that she did know, and I was wrong, but that seemed highly implausible. 

“Are you hungry? I made salmon patties.”

She shook her head. “Just tired.” She got up from the table and made for the stairs.

“Hey,” Dad caught her before she could get away. His voice sounded oddly suspicious. “Didn’t you say Jacob was gone for the day?”

“That’s what Billy said .” She seemed confused that he was in detective mode now, but I could tell he believed her.

“Huh.”

“Why?” She was clearly annoyed with his doubt, but to be fair, she did lie to him about where she was going today. 

“Well, it's just when I went to pick up Harry, I saw Jacob out in front of the store down there with some of his friends. He looked strange, like he was upset about something. And… different. It’s like you can watch that kid growing! He gets bigger every time I see him.”

Yup, definitely werewolves. And he wasn’t being suspicious of her, he was being suspicious for her. Which was a nice change.

“Billy said Jake and his friends were going to Port Angeles to see some movies-”

I added, “They were probably just waiting for someone to meet them.” I didn’t know why I felt the need to defend them. I think, mostly, I just didn’t want dad to go down there and check it out. 

“Oh” He seemed convinced and sat back down at the table, before going back to his fishing magazine. Bella checked the locks again before going upstairs. I felt my heart give out a little, as much as I couldn’t believe she didn’t know who the wolves were, I hated to see her so scared. 

I finished the dishes as Dad went up to his room for the night. Bella’s bedroom light was off, but I could faint shuffling, like she was tossing and turning. There was no way she was going to get a goodnight sleep if she was this restless, so I knocked softly on her door. 

“Uhm…” more shuffling “Yeah? Come in.”

I peeked into the room. Only her bedside light was on. “It’s just me. Still shaken up?”

She breathed a sigh of relief and nodded. “They were huge, Y/n. Like monsters from movies, huge.”

I held back a laugh, “We would know, right?” She cringed, clearly I was just humoring myself. “Look, let's get your mind off of it.  We can go to Port Angeles, and make bad decisions. Ya know, ‘sisterly bonding’.” I put extra emphasis on the sisterly bonding part.

“What did you have in mind?” She gave me the same look Dad gives me when he knows I’m up to something.

I grinned, “Come on, Bells~ the worst decisions are never planned. I have a feeling we’ll know what it is when we see it.” I quirked an eyebrow up at her, still grinning. “You in?”

She only hesitated for a second.

“Hell yeah.”

~~

Bella and I got dressed in some casual clothes and headed to Port Angeles. The drive was long and slow and I had no idea where we were going, but I knew we’d find something. Probably…

“Bella…” I tried to get her attention. “This is supposed to be fun. To take your mind off of all the crazy from today.”

“I know it’s just…” her grip didn’t loosen around her chest. “Do you remember last year, when James decided to track me?”

“Of course.” It’d been a nightmare. The first time I thought I’d lose her, though then I didn’t know what I was losing her to exactly.

“Well, there were three vampires in James’ coven. James was killed. Laurent went to Denali; he wanted to change, to be like them . That just leaves Victoria.” I’d hear them talk about her in passing. She didn’t seem like a threat, I wondered why Bella was bringing this up. “She was in love with James, they were mates. And now that he’s dead, she wants revenge.” 

I rolled my eyes. “Of fucking course she does.” This supernatural stuff just never ends… “So what? She's back and you’re her revenge?”

“I think- at least that’s what Laurent said.”

I sharply turned to look at her, “When did you talk to him?”

“Focus on the road! Jeez…” I almost rolled my eyes again, but I did look back at the road. I hadn’t even swerved. “He was in the meadow. Jacob ditched me, so I went to find it myself and I found it. But Laurent was there looking for… them.” I held back a sigh. She still couldn’t even say their name. Not that I judged her, I couldn’t say his name either. “Apparently I caught him at a bad time. He was going to eat me-”

“Christ Bells”

“I know… I know. But apparently Victoria has way worse plans for me and he was ‘sparing me’  by just killing me then and there. Then the wolves showed up and he was scared of them, like he actually ran from them. And I ran the other way and I fell down a lot and I was certain he was gonna catch up to me, but he never did.”

“Of course it's wolves, and of course the vampires are still after you… This is exhausting, you know?”

She pulled her knees to her chest and nodded. She wrapped her arms around herself, trying to hold herself together. I knew what it felt like. I knew the pain she was feeling because I felt it too.

Even after all this time she was hardly a person. She was just a shell of who she used to be, an 18 year old girl who was thrown into a world that was way too big for her, despite how stubborn she is. 

And seeing her like this made me think about myself. What did I look like? If I carried the same pain, was I just a shell of who I was? I wanted to be past this; I did pretend that I was over it, maybe I looked a bit more like my old self.

I was still broken. She was too. Making bad and reckless decisions wouldn’t put us back together, but it sure did sound like fun. 

Then I saw it. The open light blinked on a street of mostly dark stores. I pulled into the parking lot and into a spot close to the front door. I grinned deviously at Bella who’s wide eyes had locked on to the store in front of us.

“Tattoos? Y/n, really?” She almost seemed reluctant.

“You don’t have to get anything, but I am and I need you to hold my hand.” I started to see a faint smile. 

“No, No… I’ll get one. I’m just surprised.” Her faint smile turned into genuine excitement. “Dad’s gonna kill you.”

I laughed and shrugged  “Probably.”

We got out of the car and headed inside. The place was fairly decent, for a late night tattoo shop in Port Angeles. It was on the upper scale of things. They were having a slow night so they gladly fit us in, and I let Bella go first.

As spontaneous as this was, we both knew what we wanted fairly quickly. Bella got a really simple I.XVII.MMV, her first day at FHS. I knew there was more to it, but I didn’t press.

I got a bundle of lupine flowers tied together with a blue ribbon on my forearm. Like the flowers from the cliff; the same kind he’d handed to me in my dream. She didn't press either.

I held her hand while the tattoo artist worked even though she didn’t seem bothered by the pain.  She’d watch him work for a second before turning away, never really letting her eyes linger. I guessed because of her aversion to blood. It didn’t take long at all and then it was my turn. I understood why Bella didn’t react to the pain, it didn’t feel like he was doing much of anything, just a numb kind of buzzing. I made Bella hold my hand anyway. 

I wondered if it was an easy spot or if it just didn’t feel like much of anything because of all we’d been through. I decided I would test that theory in a few months with a few more tattoos.

A couple of hundred dollars and a large tip later, we had new tattoos and were on our way home. Unsurprisingly, I almost cried when I saw the finished product. I had grown up surrounded by these flowers. When I first saw them on the cliff, I didn’t even think twice about them. But now, these flowers meant the world to me. 

For a moment, we felt normal. We laughed and planned the next tattoos we were going to get. When we got home my note was still by the door and I had no messages from dad. If he had stirred at all, he hadn’t noticed we’d snuck out. 

I crumbled the note and threw it away. “It’s better to not leave any evidence.” We both giggled as we headed upstairs. His soft snoring only confirmed my suspicions. I stopped at my door and turned to her. 

“Goodnight Bells.”

“Night… Hey, thanks for tonight. It was nice to feel like a normal 18 year old girl.”

“Anytime.” I smiled softly at her as she went into her room. I hoped she had a much easier time falling asleep after that.

~~

Dad had just left for work by the time I heard Bella shuffling around in her room. Then she came stomping down the stairs. She was frantic as she put on her jacket and laced up her shoes.

“Bella? Are you alright?” I called from the couch, quickly using the closest thing as a bookmark, in this case the tv remote, and going to the doorway.

She pulled the door open and was clearly in a rush to go but she still called back to me. “Wolves! Of course it’s fucking werewolves!”

I couldn’t stop the laughter that erupted from my chest. I was kinda surprised it took her this long to figure it out, but I was happy to be on this side of the discovery this time.

Werewolf or not, Rest in Peace Jacob Black I guess.

Maybe an hour later, I’d just barely got further in my book when my phone rang. I wasn’t expecting it to be Bella, but I answered it right away, assuming she needed me to help her hide his body. She didn’t even sound mad, though.

“Can you meet us at La Push, just past First Beach?”

“Who is us, and why?”

“Me and Jake and… the others.” Wolves, I guessed. “It’s about Victoria… They could use our help.”

“Bella…” I pinched the bridge of my nose and sighed. 

“Please, Y/n. I need you.”

So I agreed. She gave me some directions that, if followed correctly, led me to some house on the reservation where I would meet with a bunch of werewolves to discuss a murdery vampire bitch. In the rain. Why? 

Because Bella said she needed me and I’d do anything to help her.

Once I saw the house I knew It was the Young’s. I got there just as Bella and two boys were getting out of Bella's truck. Bella looked like she was going to pass out at any second but she lightened up a bit when she saw me. She hugged me when I got out of the car.

“Both of you? Sam just might kill Jake himself…” I didn’t know his name. He jumped out of the bed of Bella’s truck. Bella paled.

I put my hands up, “I wasn’t told anything. It’s not my fault it’s the perfect cliche...”

He rolled his eyes, but before I could say anything else Emily came out onto the porch. We had grown up distant friends. Dad would go fishing and the Clearwaters and I would go to Leah’s house and Emily was visiting all of the time. It had been years since I’d been out this way, at least since Dad decided I could be left to my own devices. I had heard the whispers of her ‘accident’ that left her nearly dead and brutally scarred. I’d never considered it could have been a wolf.

It hadn’t changed much about her at all. She was still stunningly gorgeous, despite how gruesome the town gossip had been. She smiled at me and my heart skipped a beat. 

“Boys, play nice.” She smiled at me then her eyes drifted to Bella, “ Oh, who’s this?”

“You remember Y/n, and this is Bella Swan.” She nodded looking from me to Bella.

“Leave it to Jacob to find a way around.” She suddenly seemed a bit more unfriendly, though I didn’t know why. Of all of us, Emily had always been the nice one. “So, you’re the vampire girl.”

Instinctively I grabbed Bella’s hand “I guess we both are…” though I didn’t want to be. I was already very annoyed that I found myself surrounded by more supernaturals. I had hoped it was over.

“Yes. And you’re the wolf girl.”  Everyone chuckled softly at Bella’s comeback. Emily smiled and nodded.

“I guess I am.” Her face was much warmer. “Though I have to say, I never expected anyone to tell you.” She turned to me, still smiling. 

“No one told me. I figured it out a long time ago. I’m only here because Bella ask-”

“Did your bloodsucker tell you what we are?” one of the other boys interjected. 

I tried very hard not to roll my eyes, but the irony got the best of me. I placed my hand on my forehead in an attempt to hide it. “Again, no. No one told me anything but it wasn’t hard to piece it together. You guys hate them and who hates Vampires more than Werewolves. Again, perfect cliche.”

“Where’s Sam?” Emily thankfully changed the subject.

“Bella, er, surprised Paul this morning.” One of the boys said. So, by deductive reasoning, neither of them were Paul, or obviously Sam or Jacob. I didn’t know who that left. I wondered how old the tall boy was. I thought he was around Jacobs age. How old do you have to be to get your wolfy powers? Maybe the Ateara boy, but I hadn’t heard anything about him.

I got distracted counting in my head. The rumors started with Sam then moved to Jared. Was Jared 16 yet? Then Paul and Embry then Jacob. So these boys must be Jared and Embry, probably, I just didn’t know who was who.

I almost missed them starting to drift inside. Bella held the door for me. 

“Bella, are you hungry? Y/n? You guys can help yourselves.” I stood by the table next to Bella, who grabbed a muffin. It seemed to help calm her nerves if nothing else. 

Emily tried to get the boys to save some for their brothers. I still debated who they were. Not that I was going to ask. And then Sam was there, lovingly calling for Emily, then kissing her like he’d never get the chance to again. I looked at the table, hoping my sadness didn’t show.

“Hey, none of that, I’m eating.”

“Then shut up and eat.”  Sam suggested before returning his attention to Emily. The other boy sighed and took another bite of his muffin. Bella and I looked away. I’m sure Bella felt the same pain I did at that moment.

“Y/n” My head snapped back to Sam, who locked eyes with me. “Jake warned Paul about you too.”

“Oh, cool.” I nodded. I wondered what that meant. Why would he have to warn anyone about me ?

“Though I have to say, I was pretty surprised myself. I had no idea you were involved with the Cullens- before today that is.” I didn’t know what to say. I was confused by his implications. I just stared with my mouth open trying to find words. “If… If  they hurt you at any point, either of you-” His eyes drifted to Bella.

“They didn’t.” I interrupted, before he could make Bella more uncomfortable. “I can promise, they never did anything they weren’t supposed to.” He almost laughed sarcastically. I wanted to keep going, but I wouldn’t in front of Emily.

My focus went back to Bella who had brightened up, now that Jacob had come inside. He smiled at Bella and grabbed two muffins before standing next to her and me, though he didn’t seem to notice me at all. I didn’t mind.

“Sorry about before.” he muttered under his breath. “How are you holding up?”

She assured him she was fine. It sounded convincing enough. She was probably much better knowing he was okay. I didn’t know what happened ‘before’, but I figured it was in part why Bella called me. Also when Paul came in the others settled a bet and they had mentioned that Bella ‘surprised Paul’. Jacob and Paul must have gotten into a fight about Bella and I knowing. 

I smiled at myself, I’d gotten pretty good at context clues stuff. Maybe I should be a detective. It’d make dad happy and-

Sam spoke loudly, interrupting my thoughts. “Hey, guys.” All the noise stopped, everyone turned to face him. Even mine and Bella’s attention shifted to him. He must be their leader. Which is kind of confusing, considering Jacob’s father is the chief. Maybe it was deeper than that. He continued, “Jacob has information for us. We’re hoping Bella and Y/n can help with that.”

“ I know what the redhead wants.”  his face got serious as he looked at the other boys who were here before. “That's what I was trying to tell you before. She is trying to avenge her mate- only it’s not the black-haired leech we killed. The cullens got her mate last year and she’s after Bella now.”

I swore under my breath. Everyone seemed to be a bit shocked by the news. I was shocked they managed to kill a vampire, and appeared to be unscathed. I figured Bella had been right, but it was still hard to hear the confirmation.

“She’s just a girl.” 

“I didn't say it made sense. But that’s why the bloodsuckers been trying to get past us-”

“She's been trying to get to Forks…” I added, pulling their open mouth stares from Bella to me.

“Excellent.” someone said, a smile forming on his lips,  “We’ve got bait. “

 Jacob threw what looked like a can opener at the boy, and it probably would have hit him in the jaw, but he caught it with ease, because he’s a werewolf.

At the same time, Jacob and I both said “Bella’s not bait.” For once I sided with Jacob Black. 

“You know what I mean,”

“So we’ll be changing our patterns,” Sam said, ignoring their squabble.  “We’ll try leaving a few holes, and see if she falls for it. We’ll have to split up, and I don’t like that. But if she’s really after Bella, she probably wants to try to take advantage of our divided numbers.”

“Quil’s got to be close to joining us,” So I was right the first time. The boys had to be Jared and Embry and I guessed Jared was the one Jacob threw a can opener at.

They planned this like it was a battle strategy. It kinda was for them. Emily looked nervous about the plans, and to be fair, all of this was nerve racking. I place my arms around Bella’s shoulders in an attempt to comfort her. 

I think that’s why she wanted me here in the first place. I couldn’t contribute much other than moral support. The only vampires I had met were the Cullens. Rogue vampires were not my specialty. Unless you count my endless Buffy the Vampire Slayer knowledge, which had proven mostly useless in the face of real life vampires.

“What about Charlie?”  Of course Bella was still worried about others before herself.

“March Madness is still going,” Jacob said. “I think Billy and Harry can manage to keep Charlie down here when he’s not at work.”

“And you?” Bella looked up at me. I started to object, to remind her that I would be fine. I wasn’t the one she was after. 

Sam held up a hand and cut me off. “Wait, that’s what Jacob thinks is best, but you need to decide for yourselves…” He kept going but I stopped listening. This was for Bella. Of course it would be safer here for Bella, and probably even dad. I didn’t think I could say the same for myself. I had never been one to attract unwanted attention. The Cullens were here for months before they noticed me. Honestly, if the bitch wanted to come after me I’d just let her, but that was easy to say, since she didn’t want me, just Bella. I don’t think she would have looked twice at me.

I had nothing to worry about and everything to lose. If she got to Dad or Bella, it would destroy me. 

Bella must have something really funny because the boys started laughing. I tried to pick up where the conversation had led as their laughter shook the walls. Emily and Bella shared a look that made me believe the boys were just being cocky. I could tell how worried Emily was for Sam, and Bella for Jacob. 

I understood Embry and Jared's disgust.

Bella’s arms wrapped tightly around her chest again. 

“The rest of the food is ready.” Emily announced. I pretended to munch on whatever Bella set in front of me and thanked Emily graciously. At times Sam would try to pull me aside. I think because we had once been friends he felt some obligation to protect me and I avoided him like the plague. Once Dad met us down there avoiding him was very easy.

I knew he just wanted to keep me, Bella, and Dad safe, but also a part of me screamed that this was just werewolves wanting to kill a vampire.

Either way, I couldn’t find it in me to care. 

~~

It was spring break in Forks again and Bella would usually wake up and go straight to La Push. Dad woke up, went to work, then went to La Push for March Madness.

I went ‘job hunting’. Dad was happy I was trying to function again. Bella was content with the knowledge I wasn’t at the house, if Victoria came there.

Truthfully, I usually went hiking. I always went to their house, even though I couldn’t go into the house. Anytime I tried I just fell apart, not once had I even made it past the living room.

I would just sit in my car in the driveway and listen to the rain or, if the weather was nice I’d sit on the porch and read. This particular day, like so many others, I hiked up the mountain. I sat on the edge letting my feet dangle over, and just watched the water bellow. Occasionally picking up a rock and counting the seconds before it hit the water. It was oddly therapeutic.

I pulled a pen from my shirt pocket and wrote ‘delayed splash’ on my arm.

Bella left early that morning to go to the beach with Jake. I wondered if today was the day they planned for cliff jumping, though I hoped they wouldn’t. There was an awful storm brewing in the distance and I could just barely see the clouds already coming this way. Not to mention Bella and I still had relatively fresh tattoos, which might be fine by now, but a few more days of healing couldn’t be a bad thing. 

I also wanted to be out of the woods before the storm. Dad had messaged me not too long after I had made it out there. Harry Clearwater had a heart attack and they didn't think he would make it. The elders weren’t werewolves, and he wasn’t going to heal. I didn’t want to make everything worse by being lost in the woods during a storm. 

I wanted to be there for Dad, but I would wait til he got home. I thought about Sue. I wanted to say something, but I didn’t even know where to begin. What do you say to someone who’d lost the love of their life. I knew that tonight, everyone would be feeling this loss.

Though I knew better, I hoped Harry would pull through. I hoped for Sue, Leah and Seth. For Dad too. 

I took a deep cleansing breath as a few raindrops hit my face. I tried to catch them in my hands. When they picked up speed I headed back down. I was soaked to the bone by the time I got back to my car.

I received the text from my Dad that Harry was gone.

I let myself cry for some time.

I lost track of time sitting there. My hair had started to dry. I figured there was nothing I could do but be home when Dad got there. I wanted to be the moral support I knew he needed. I wondered if anyone had told Bella. 

I went straight home the second I had cleared my eyes enough to see the road. I didn’t think Dad had made it home yet. Bella was there but her truck was still running in the driveway, both doors were wide open. 

Then I saw the shiny black Mercedes sitting by the road and I completely forgot how to breathe. I barely managed to pull into my spot in the driveway before I was shaking too much to move. I kept blinking and staring at it, half expecting it to disappear, half hoping it wouldn’t.

Part Three <3

Taglist

@jakanddexter67 @a-not-so-poetic-poet @bridge597 @cestlavie03 @gaymazinglula

[dxrkenedheights]

★・・・・・・★

Standing beside Isabella, Oskar feels a twinge in his neck as he looks down at the small witch, and there's a slight amusement in his expression because of it. It also reminds him of a time that's now passed. When Felix resembled a brother and a happier version of himself, the thanks for that owed to the Belcourt witch. And yet, despite all of this, Oskar struggles to find optimism when learning about their reunion. Pity is the closest thing he feels, wondering how Felix managed to coax Bella back into his orbit. He tilts his head with a subtle smirk at her comment, unconvinced that Felix will grace the family dinner table anytime soon. "Not for a while." Oskar remarks lightly but with a hint of insistence in his tone. "But he always said how much fun the dinners are with your family, so maybe he's better off." he adds, an unlikely sentiment from Oskar but one he voices nonetheless, acknowledging the fraction of hope he feels for the situation.

The mention of his mother elicits a chuckle from Oskar, well acquainted with Agneta's eccentricities. How his mother can be a mixture of both hysteria and coldness. "She couldn't make it, but she sends everybody her well wishes." he claims smoothly, glossing over the real reason behind her absence. Agneta simply didn't care for the evening. "She thought a lot of you, you know. I think she'll be happy to hear about this." Oskar continues, his finger flicking to Bella and to wherever Felix is in the evening. Suddenly, a coy smirk lifts over his lips as he takes a sip of his drink with a casual shrug. "Though I suspect your opinion of her falls somewhere between indifference and polite tolerance." as always his words have to have an element of a rigged trap to them.

As they converse, Oskar's attention drifts, flitting back to Bella at intermittent moments. He catches her interpreting his words as a compliment, though they both know it's anything but. "Ah, I see. Hopeful, perhaps?" he suggests smoothly with a hint of amusement and the flash of a devilish grin. Oskar offers a polite laugh to her with, though this gaze inevitably finds Felix across the room, observing their interaction. "Well, best of luck to you both." Oskar says, though he can never resit a wry remark. "They say third time's a charm, but unfortunately I'm not sure what they say about the second."

Bella's nod to Oskar speaks volumes, acknowledging how they both missed the very small window of opportunity to escape talking to one another. Despite her best efforts to harbor no ill will towards any Ranstrom, their icy demeanor left its mark. Imprinting on her impressions beyond anything Felix has ever shared with her. She isn't surprised that Oskar cuts through the pleasantries with a characteristic directness, and Bella accepts the need to face it head on without complicating anything else for Felix in the process. "Well, we can never say never." she chuckles at the statement. "But, you're probably right. It might be a while." Bella adds simply, her gaze flicking through the event before she gives Oskar her attention. "I've only seen Olaf tonight so far...is everything okay with Agneta?" she asks, an attempt to redirect the topic until the window of escape presents itself again. She can only nod with a faint smile about her and Felix, biting back the urge to highlight that Oskar is experiencing something called consequences. If he can't be someone to share bad news with, the good news stops being shared shortly after. His next statement redirects her attention to Felix through the room, hearing the implication in an otherwise polite seeming observation. Bella meets his gaze with another smile, offering a quick shrug. "I wouldn't use the word brave, personally but thank you." she replies, keeping her own tone light even if there's the subtle accusation as he continues. "Oh, you're not wrong but we learn how to separate the two when we study it. And, to be honest, I'd rather not send invoices to the people I care about after every brunch."

[joheun-saram]

Whenever, Wherever (jhs)

Summary- Hoseok is a time traveller but that’s not the strangest thing that has happened to him. The strangest thing is when he meets a girl he’s never seen and she tells him he’s her best friend.

word count- 6.7k

pairing- timetraveler!Hoseok x Reader 

rating- R

genre- angst, fluff, smut

warnings- car accident, mention of parental death, mention of miscarriage, major character death, description of gun shot wound (but not gory), explicit smut (unprotected lovey dovey sex), hoseok pukes a lot (soz babe ily)

a.n- Ahhh I finally finished my Secret Santa fic for @thebtswritersclub! I’m so excited to reveal that I’m indeed @baepsaetan‘s secret santa 🎅🏼Day did you guess I was your ss? Did you like me subtly asking you questions about this during our sprints? hehehe! Happy new year, love! 💕

For people who can guess, this was inspired by the Doctor, River relationship and is loosely based on the Time Traveller’s Wife (eventhough I straight up have never seen the movie and literally only read the wiki page 🥴)

A huge thank you to Bella @hobisbeautifulass​ for beta reading for me! I’m sorry I made you cry at work!

As always feedback appreciated, a reblog and a like goes a far way. Send me an ask! 💌

-

The day his mother passed away was when Hoseok discovered his gift. 

Stranded by himself in a large suburban park in the middle of the night, there was an eeriness surrounding the dark expanse of road. There were no cars, no streetlights, and no solace to be found on the edge of the wooded trail he stood before. His heart was still racing, adrenaline coursing through his veins as he remembered seeing the blinding lights of the trailer in front of him just moments ago, his mother’s voice ricocheting through his head. He didn’t understand how he got here, and how the loud honks and screeches of tires had fallen to give way to this deafening silence.In the distance, he hears footsteps. The crackle of crushed leaves echoing in the air as he sees a man with dark hair, dressed in a large black sweater and a pair of blue ripped jeans, step forward. In the eight years he had lived thus far he had never been as terrified. The man lifted his arm as if to reach out towards him, and Hoseok closed his eyes tight, wishing he could run away.

Before he knew what happened, he was lying in his bed under his warm, colorful duvet. He rubbed his eyes, his heart still pounding and feeling an overwhelming urge to vomit. He thought it was a dream till his father entered with a tear-streaked face to let him know about his mother’s fatal accident.

That was the first time he time traveled, but it wouldn’t be the last. He didn’t know why he could do it. He didn’t know how he could control it. All he knew was that he was drawn to certain places, certain times. It was never when he wanted, like the first time when he wished he could go back to a few hours and not be greedy for ice cream so his mother would not have to drive him. Or the time he wished he could go back to tell his grandmother he loved her. Or the time in university where he wished he had never got caught cheating and lost his scholarship.

For being a time-traveler Hoseok’s life was full of regrets but the one thing he would never regret was meeting her.

-----------

For most people time is linear. There is the past, the present, and the future. But for Hoseok, time is a tangled mess, a convoluted web of events that he can only watch unfold. Never having the power to control where he ends up, Hoseok felt helpless, like his life was a punchline for the universe. All through his life, he would wind up at weird places at weird times. He would never know how long he would be there before being zapped back to whenever he came from.

Hoseok was twenty-five, he was single, he was a music producer, but most of all, he was tired. Lately, his time jumps were too frequent, going from happening once a year or so to once every few weeks. He would find himself in odd places at odd times, sometimes it was a quaint suburban street at dawn, other times a posh private school at midnight. All to stay there for seconds before zapping in his bed, as usual, his entire day lost, nausea bitting at his throat.

“Hoseok? Oh my god! It’s really you!” The new barista at his favorite coffee shop squealed when he made it to the front of the line, jarring him from his thoughts as he aimlessly scrolled through his Instagram, trying to decipher if he missed out on anything important. He looked at her, dressed cutely in a yellow sundress with the establishment's blue and gold apron on her waist. Her hair was loose around her face, her smile brilliant, as she looked at him with excitement. She was beautiful and it took Hoseok a few moments to stop himself from his shameless ogling.

“I’m sorry, do we know each other?” he asked, confused. He would have remembered if he ever saw her. She looked pretty unforgettable. Maybe she was one of Yoongi's friends, although something tells him Yoongi would find her sunshine persona offputting.

“Yeah! You’re my best friend!” She pointed at him, as his mouth dropped. Okay, so she was crazy. Great...

“Uh…” Hoseok didn't really know how to answer that, so he decided to follow his gut and just ignore her comment. “I’m sorry. Can I just order?”

“Vanilla latte, no whip, half sugar coming right up!” She beamed as she wrote on the cup, leaving him dumbfounded.

“How did you…?”

“Told you! You’re my best friend!” She pranced away to make his drink, as he stood there confused. When she returned, she handed him a drink and Hoseok could do nothing more than smile half-heartedly as he walked away. Did he have a stalker?

He decided not to visit that coffee shop again. Better not give this crazy person any more ideas.

------------

Hoseok stood in someone's home, someone's living room, dark other than the moonlight that filtered through the windows. It was a modest room, resembling one of those he would see on television. In the center of the room, there was a bright yellow rug flanked on three sides by a couch set facing a television hooked to the wall above a fireplace. It seemed cozy, somewhere he would have liked to live.

He had no idea where he was and he cursed his gift once again. This was getting ridiculous. This was the first time he had appeared inside someone's home. He shook his head as he looked at the clock placed on one of the small tables next to the big couch.

3 am. Great. He was trespassing in the middle of the night.

He decided to escape before the owners caught wind of him. As he made his way towards the door, a family portrait caught his eye. It hung right next to the front door, framed by a beautiful gold frame.

His mouth dropped. It was him. He looked a little older, the lines next to his eyes a little deeper as he sat smiling on a grassy field, his arms around a beautiful woman in a yellow sundress holding a small infant wrapped in green blankets.

He felt his heartbeat pick up. He knew her. It was the random barista girl. The one who insisted she knew him. What the fuck?

Before Hoseok could spiral any further he heard a noise behind him. Turning he saw her, dressed in flannel pajamas, walking down the stairs. She looked around her mid-thirties, nothing like the chipper twenty-something he'd seen last week.

He stood there blinking at her as she came closer, awe on her features that quickly morphed into sorrow. She touched his face gently as if in disbelief that he was there as her eyes glistened in the moonlight.

"Hobi?" She spoke, her voice was hoarse as a tear slipped down her cheek. Hoseok didn't know why but he felt his heart lurch at her tears. He had no idea who she was but he felt this innate pull towards her. He wanted to hold her, wipe her tears, and most fucked up of all, he wanted to kiss her.

"I- who are you?" He asked softly, his hand coming to hold hers as if he couldn't help himself, leaning slightly into her touch.

"We haven't met yet?" Her voice was wet with tears as she sniffled, moving closer to him. She hugged him, wrapping her arms around him tightly as if to feel if he was really there. He stood silently as she squeezed him close, and wrapped his arms around her when she started sobbing into his chest. He held her tight as she cried, his eyes brimming with sympathetic tears.

"I missed you so much Hoseok," she said as she looked up at him. He had never seen a more beautiful woman in his life. Before he could think, he was leaning down to capture her lips with his own, his heart in his throat. She tasted like strawberries and mint, and he felt his head turn into a haze. Before he could deepen the kiss, he felt the familiar feeling in the pit of his stomach. He pulled apart as he saw her fade slowly, trying his hardest to hold on to her as she did the same.

All too soon, the familiar sight of his bedroom materialized as he stood there alone, her last words ringing in his head.

"No! Please! It's too soon!"

He didn't know when he started crying, but soon he was kneeling on his floor sobbing for a girl he didn't even know the name of.

-----------

Hoseok didn't know when he fell asleep, but he woke up on the floor of his bedroom, his face puffy and back sore. Without a second thought, he rose from his position, grabbed his keys, and bolted out of his apartment. He had to find her.

It took him six days to meet her again. Six days of anxiety, amped up from the coffees he chugged as he visited the coffee shop at different hours. He couldn't even describe her properly, every time he went to the cashier to tell them how she looked they gave him an odd look. Maybe it was because by the third day he looked like a deranged stalker, describing her height and her build to anyone who worked there. He was surprised they hadn't banned him yet.

On the sixth day, she waltzed in and sat across from him, not a care in the world. Her smile was wide, a juxtaposition to the sad, older version of her he was fixated on. She wore a polka-dotted dress which hitched up a little as she crossed her legs. Hoseok was speechless as he almost choked on his coffee.

"You told me to meet you earlier but honestly, I just wanted to annoy you a little." She giggled, her hand coming up to cover her mouth, her eyes lit with mirth, and the stress of finding her hit him like a ton of bricks. Hoseok jumped out of his seat, his arms around her shaking as he tried to control his breathing. His mind was fuzzy, he had no reason to react this way, but he couldn't help himself. He didn't know her but he missed her. His heart was beating a mile a minute as he held her tighter.

"What took you so long?" He asked his voice a little hoarse from not speaking all day, his breath coming out in puffs against her neck. She hummed a little apology as her hand reached his hair, stroking his scalp in a way that made him instantly relax. He melted into her, her sweet floral scent a balm to his anxious nerves.

"Do you even know my name yet?" She spoke, her voice light and airy, as he finally let go of her. He cleared his throat in embarrassment, the tips of his ears turning as red as the beanie atop his head. He settled back in his chair awkwardly staring at her, fiddling with the string of his sweatpants that laid on his thigh. He looked up at her smiling face, as she put her hand on top of his. "It's Y/N. It's nice to finally meet you, Hoseok."

Her words were simple but their effect was anything but. Hoseok felt like everything in his world made sense, that all those times he had puked after a shitty trip down the stitch of time was worth it. Her hand was so soft, skin so perfectly smooth as her thumb stroked his hand, that Hoseok had a hard time finding words to express how he was feeling.

He looked at her shyly, not knowing where his nerves were coming from, as he smiled, meeting her warm eyes.

"It's nice to finally meet you too, Y/N."

----------

Hoseok sighed in annoyance as he walked down the path of the familiar suburban neighborhood. The sun shone brightly, and all he wanted to do was to be zapped out of here so he could end up in bed next to his girlfriend. It had been barely thirty seconds since he saw her, her soft skin molded against his as she slept next to him, her hair tickling his nose as he spooned her. He missed her already. This wasn't fair. Why did he have to walk around this stupid cul-de-sac when he could be wrapped in her warmth?

Ever since the coffee shop, things with her had progressed extremely fast. He couldn't help himself. He never felt as close to someone as instantly before. Granted, he knew they were going to get married and have a beautiful child together, but that didn't mean he knew how fast he was going to fall for her.

The day he first learned her name, he couldn't wipe the giddy smile off his face. She was different than any other woman he had met. She was outgoing and optimistic, and brave. Much braver than him. While he stuttered to ask her for her number, she leaned across the table grabbed his phone, unlocking it as if by magic, and added her phone number in. While he wrote and rewrote eighteen different texts, pacing in his living room, she beat him to it with a casual "Stop overthinking, dummy. It's only me!"

How could he stop overthinking? It was her. His dream girl gift-wrapped and sent to him by fate. He never thought his gift would be good for anything, but she was here and all his previous suffering finally made sense.

As he walked along the sidewalk, biding his time, he approached a bus stop. It was cute, and definitely not from his decade. A janky blue bus stopped, and out she walked, making Hoseok miss his step and almost trip. She was dressed in a school uniform, a crisp white shirt with a plaid skirt, a cute flower-shaped backpack on her shoulders, and her hands full of college pamphlets. Hoseok couldn't help the smile that overtook his features. He wanted to run up to her but he realized even if she was his girlfriend now, it was still a crime to approach a minor. His gift was so stupid.

He stood there, averting his stare and looking at his shoes instead, as she walked closer to him. He promised himself not to be a creep and try to talk to her but her voice makes him break his resolve.

"Ew. Can you not get a hint? Get away from me, you creep!" she yelled and Hoseok's head snapped up. He felt his face flare with rage as he watched a kid around her age try to put his arm around her as she tried to shove him off. The kid was relentless, throwing cheesy pickup lines her way as she continuously rejected him. He wanted to beat that little shit to a pulp.

Clearing his throat, he approached the two. "Dude, she said no. Get off her," he spoke through gritted teeth.

"What's it to you, old man?" The boy rolled his eyes, his hand still wrapped around her as she pleaded at Hoseok with her eyes. Hoseok wasn't old! He wasn't even thirty yet! He hated this kid.

"It's not nice to forego consent, kid," he sneered, schooling his face into the coldest expression he could muster. It seemed to have worked because one look at Hoseok's face and the future sex offender had his hand to himself before he walked off with a huff. Hoseok glared at him as he disappeared in the opposite direction. Good riddance.

"Thank you so much!" Her voice was higher than it was now, a little spring to it that only comes from innocence as she looked at him with round eyes. "You're like my own personal superhero!"

Hoseok felt awkward. He never wanted to talk to her here. Running his hands through his hair, he smiled at her, throwing an awkward "Any time!" as he rushed away. The feeling in his gut was back and he had never been happier to want to throw up. The afternoon sun faded as he stood in his own room, blinded and running to where he knew his trash can was.

As he vomited into the plastic can, he felt a hand rub soothingly down his back. She handed him a water bottle when he sat up next to the bin, his head aching.

"Welcome back, babe. When did you go this time?" She giggled at her own joke. God, Hoseok loved that laugh.

----------

Hoseok was nervous. He hadn't been this nervous in a really long time. Surrounded by all his friends dressed in custom tuxedos, he fidgeted with his bowtie, and scrutinizing his reflection in the mirror he fixed the lapels of the blood-red jacket he was wearing. Who convinced him this gaudy suit was perfect for the occasion? Oh yeah, his bride.

Jung Hoseok thought he'd accomplish a lot of things by the time he was thirty-one. He thought he would have signed to a major label as an in-house producer (he did), he thought he would be living in a beautifully decorated apartment downtown (he does), he thought he would have a cute little dog to welcome him home (Mickey is adorable, in case you were wondering), but he never thought he would be waiting at the end of the aisle for someone who would want to share their life with him.

Ever since she came into his life, Hoseok felt like it was filled with sunshine. She brightened every aspect of it. The first time he kissed her, really kissed her, it felt like happiness was resonating through his entire skeleton - like she was the one thing missing in his world. The first time he told her he loved her he almost threw up from the nerves knotting in his stomach.

He promised himself he wouldn't cry, but he couldn't help himself as she walked in. She had foregone the usual white gown, quoting something about the patriarchy, as she walked towards him in a dress, equally as red as his suit.

Her smile was wide and he was in awe of her beauty. He sniffled through his vows and she winked at him through hers, a simple gesture that made him chuckle and relaxed the emotions brewing in him. She could always do that with the simplest of things, be it a touch or a look. He kissed her with passion as their friends and family cheered. He hoped she didn't mind how much he was blubbering. He promised himself he wouldn't cry.

Their wedding was one of the best moments of his entire life. Dancing to cheesy music, cheek to cheek, the couple in red stood out amongst others in black. Hoseok was so in love that he didn't even mind when at the end of the night he felt the familiar buzz in his ears. He was slightly upset that he abandoned his new wife on his wedding night, but is it abandonment when the hotel lobby fades into what he knows now is his future home?

He saw her there, sitting on the couch, a frown on her face as she seemingly stared into space, dressed in a set of comfy pajamas and he couldn't control himself. Whispering her name so as not to startle her, he moved towards her when she smiled up at him. Sitting next to her on the couch, he pulled her to him with a grin. She giggled as she settles herself on his lap, running her hands over his jacket, before soothingly scratching his scalp. Hoseok couldn't help but lean into her touch, a goofy grin on his face. He was sickeningly in love.

"If it isn't my handsome new husband. I've been waiting for my wedding night for years." She joked as she pulled his face to hers, kissing him deeply. Hoseok's heart lurched in his chest as a little whine escaped him. She isn't surprised in the least to see him there, and why would she be? In the past five years, Hoseok has visited so many different versions of her. In a way, it's part of how he fell in love with her. She may only be thirty-one to him, but he'd seen her at every stage of her life.

As she deepened their kiss, his hands went around her waist squeezing her tight as she ground on him gently. He remembers the different versions of her as he feels his blood rush through his body, each touch sparking electricity under his skin. He remembered when he first laid eyes on her in that small cafe, his nerves on their first date, her tears when he proposed, the first time he had her under him after she invited him for a movie. But he also remembered her at six playing in the sandbox in the park, sixteen and humming to pop songs while she walked home, thirty-six as she cried in his arms, seventy when she looked frayed and weak but still beautiful. He had seen all of her life, moments that he was lucky enough to be brought to more often as he fell more in love with her. He had visited her hundreds of times, and he couldn't wait to do that for the rest of his life.

He kissed down her neck, leaving little bites that he soothed with his tongue as she undressed him, his jacket somewhere on the floor, his shirt mostly buttoned. She moaned as he cupped her breasts, a beautifully airy noise that set his heart on fire.

Soon the two were breathless and naked as he hovered above her on the couch. She arched into him as he entered her, her little whines encouraging him. He latched his lips on her hard nipples, nipping them how he knows she loves. She fit him so perfectly, always so perfect for him. His wife, his soulmate, his Y/N.

"I love you, wife," he whispered and placed his forehead on hers, his hips thrusting into her heat, as he relished the connection between them. He kissed her deep, almost overwhelmed by how perfectly their lips slotted together. He could kiss her forever.

"I love you, husband," she whispered into his mouth, and his pace increased, a hand coming down to rub at her clit. She writhed under him as he pushes her off the edge. Her legs shaking around him, her heels poking into his back, as he savored the way her walls pulled him in. He was panting when he came, filling her up and babbling a chant of her name.

He pecked her face about a thousand times as they both laid on the couch boneless and giggling. When he, inevitably, ends up back on his bedroom floor, he saw her smirking at his naked body on the floor, dressed in his t-shirt, her hair still wet from her shower. She squatted next to him.

"And where is your suit?" she chided, her lips lifting, even when she tries to pretend she's mad.

"We'll get it back in a few years." Hoseok shrugged as he pulled her into a kiss, missing her body next to him already.

----------

The bar Hoseok sat at is loud, too loud for the conversation Yoongi keeps trying to have with him, and that's precisely why he chose it. Next to their table is a bachelorette party, a gaggle of women dressed in feather boas and plastic tiaras, sloshing drinks on themselves as they excitedly laugh. It's an odd contrast to the way he's feeling, the atmosphere on his own table somber.

"So what? You're going to leave your wife at home and get wasted here? Is that what you do now, Hobi?" Yoongi scolded his friend but Hoseok was already too far gone, having had a few bottles of beers before even inviting Yoongi out. He knew he was an asshole, he didn't need Yoongi to remind him, but he needed to escape.

His once happy marriage was becoming tumultuous, and, no it wasn't because they didn't love each other anymore, but quite the opposite. The past two years had really shown him that even if they were fighting and yelling, they still loved each other. Even when they were mad they crawled into bed together at the end of the day and held each other, not being able to sleep otherwise.

Their marriage started off great. There were cuddles in the kitchen, dance parties in the living room, vacations in Rome, and a night where they both sat next to each other on the floor by the bathroom holding hands as they waited with a little blue stick. They made love on that floor when it showed two lines, but that wasn't a surprise - Hoseok had seen his child in that photo the first time he kissed her.

The surprise was when she woke him up in the middle of the night, thirteen weeks into the pregnancy clutching her stomach, tears running down her face. He had never felt as scared as he did at that moment, breaking all the traffic laws he could get away with to get her to the emergency room. He held her hand through the ultrasound, through the exam where she winced, and through the doctor solemnly telling them they had had a miscarriage. He didn't let himself cry in front of her, always wanting to be brave, but he sobbed when she slept, knowing that he had a child but gaining little solace from the fact as he mourned.

The second time the two lines showed up, they were careful. He waited on her hand and foot, working from home, ensuring she got the proper nutrients. The result was another trip to the emergency room and another night of tears holding each other. By the fourth time, they stopped being surprised, just two zombies driving calmly to the hospital, before returning home. She went to the bedroom, while Hoseok drank himself into a stupor, before asking Yoongi to meet him here.

Hoseok knew he had a child, but he felt hopeless, drowning in the undercurrent of hurt and apathy. He loved his wife, loved her more than anything in the world but he couldn't bear to look at her tonight, couldn't bear to convince her once again that he had seen their child. Maybe they adopted he thought bitterly as he switched from beer to shots.

He walked home in a drunken haze despite Yoongi's worried insistence that he take a cab. Somewhere during his walk, he had started crying, tears painting his face and sending shivers down his body as they cooled in the evening chill. He wished he could fix it for her, she was always so brave, always so supportive of his stupid ideas and moods. Every time they had a fight, she was the first to apologize, a smile on her face as she cracked a joke and tickled him till all his worries were forgotten.

Drowning in self-pity, he barely noticed the buzz in his ears as he entered his house. Stumbling into the living room he saw her sitting on the couch with a cup of tea. He stared at her as he realized he was in the future, her hair greying, and her skin wrinkled. He didn't know how to react, but the tears returned as he rushed to her falling on his knees as he held onto her legs.

"I'm so sorry, baby. I'm so sorry." He apologized again and again. He didn't care that this version of her wasn't the one that needed to hear him, but he felt like a terrible husband, a terrible partner, as he kissed her knees. She stroked his hair and shushed him with a soft smile.

"What happened, Hobi?" she asked, her voice gentle, and he felt all his walls come down as he told her things he was sure already knew. He felt exhausted, every cell in his body aching. He laid on the couch, head in her lap as she listened to him, consoling him with the wisdom of a life lived.

After he had fallen silent, sober, and unable to convey any more emotions, she spoke.

"Hobi. You have to be nicer to yourself. You were the perfect husband. The perfect soulmate." Her words were meant to be soothing, but as soon as he heard them he felt like ice was running through his veins. He sat up immediately, looking at her with wide eyes.

"Were?"

"I shouldn't have said anything..." She looked guilty, hurt crossing across her features, as she ran her hands up and down his arms.

"No! Y/N... I die?" His voice was small, almost timid towards the end of the sentence, as he held her hands to ground himself.

"I'm sorry, baby." Her eyes glistened as she cupped one of his cheeks, looking at him sadly.

"When?"

"I'm not telling you. You'll go insane." She was firm in her resolution, her tone taking cadence that she always used with him when declaring the end of a conversation. But Hoseok couldn't help himself. He was going to die, he was going to leave her. He felt like his heart was going to beat out of his chest.

"I'm already going insane! You have to tell me. What if I can stop it? We can be together. I don't want to leave you!" He pleaded, his eyes wide in panic.

"Hobi... You've never left me. You visit so often." She spoke with a small smile, seemingly reminiscing.

"Please! Please or else I'll go every day knowing it's my last with you. I - I can't do that. Please." He was almost whining at his point and he didn't care how desperate he sounded. He just wanted to know how much time he had with her. He was so stupid, how could he leave to get drunk while she waited for him at home. He didn't deserve the way this version of her was looking at him with such love.

"I barely even remember when it happened." He knew she was lying, could see it from the way her gaze averted his. Hesitantly she continued. "I'll... I'll just tell you. It's the day after you see yourself for the first time."

"See myself?" He repeated, his brain running through his memories. He would have remembered if he saw himself. It would be hard to forget, but he came up empty, tears of frustration lining his eyes as he ran his hand through his hair.

"That's all you told me. That you saw yourself and you felt bad for not being able to give yourself advice."

"I won't ever leave you. I promise. I'll come back. As much as I can." He kissed her at that, repeatedly, her lips soft under his. She knew he couldn't control his ability, but she smiled at him anyway, agreeing with his promise, telling him she'll see him soon, even if she had no idea if that was true.

When he was transported back to his room, he couldn't help himself from heaving on the floor, the contents of his stomach painting the hardwood. As always, she rushed to him, wiping his tears and walking him to the bathroom. She helped him change, before cleaning up after him, despite his protests, as she glared at him every time he tried to sit up from the bed.

When she returned from putting the cleaning supplies away, she shut the door to their bedroom, and there, on the hook behind it, hung his wedding suit, the crimson a bright splash of color amongst the white. She followed his eyes, giggling a little.

"You already made up for being an ass, don't worry," she joked, fingers poking at his side to tickle him gently.

Hoseok had missed her laugh. Missed it so much. He cut her off before she could say anything else, whispering apologies against her lips. He was never going to leave her.

---------

He was in a park, the trees throwing looming shadows under the moonlight as he walked around. He recognized this park, it was the one near her childhood home. She had taken him there during their first Christmas together, and he still remembered the silly grin on her face as she showed him the sandbox where she used to spend all her days as a kid, making sandcastles. He smiled at the memory. It was the first time in a while that his time travels hadn't taken him straight to her and he missed not being able to see which part of her life he was visiting.

He walked about reminiscing about his day. It was his daughter's third birthday and he felt a little bad leaving his wife to clean up the mess. He couldn't believe Soojin was three already. He pulled out his phone, scrolling through photographs as he waltzed down memory lane. He smiled softly at the photo from the day she was born. She was so tiny then, her little, pink heart-shaped lips in a pout as she stretched, her eyes almost disappearing beneath her chubby cheeks.

He kept his eyes glued to his phone, looking at photo after photo. There was one of her covered in mushed peas and he remembered how long it took him to get the mess out of the living room rug. There was one of her dressed as spiderman who she had declared her favorite recently after watching the cartoon on Netflix, doing the signature web-shooting pose. There was one of holding on to her mom as she walked for the first time. Hoseok's heart felt full, and he couldn't wait to get back home.

He decided to keep up with the tradition of seeing his wife every time he skipped through time and started walking towards her house, deciding to take the shortcut she had shown him. Humming a little, he placed his hands in his pockets as he strolled along, thinking about the delicious cake he had custom ordered for the party. He could probably eat the whole thing. Would it taste as good after it's been in the fridge?

His musings came to a quick stop however as he looked into the distance, just at the exit of the wooded path. There, dressed in a yellow sweatshirt with a giant dog on the front and jeans that didn't quite reach the ankles, was an eight-year-old boy. He walked closer and his heart stopped as he saw himself for the first time. He was crying, sniffling in the air, and as Hoseok approached his younger self, he vanished into the air.

He felt the air leave his lungs as he stumbled in his steps, falling on to the ground.

"That's all you told me. That you saw yourself and you felt bad for not being able to give yourself advice."

No. It's too soon. He couldn't collect his thoughts as they rushed through his head barely leaving a trace. When he had that conversation four years ago he thought he had more time. Soojin was just three years old. He thought he would have years, that he would see graduations and intimidate boyfriends, and walk her down the aisle. It's too soon.

He could feel himself hyperventilating, his breaths short and his ears echoing with his heartbeat, as he tried to collect himself. He looked at his hands shaking in his lap and his eyes focused on his outfit. How could he have forgotten what the man in his memory was wearing? He put on these ripped jeans this morning, the same jeans that haunted him for the first sixteen years of his life. How could he have not realized that he was the creepy old man he had nightmares about as a kid?

Trying to control his breathing, he started to formulate a plan. He didn't want Y/N to know, he didn't want her to go through the emotions he was going through right now, because she would go through so much worse when he was gone. He sat in the park and let himself cry, hoping that he wouldn't have to leave soon because leaving meant saying goodbye and he was not ready yet. It's too soon.

---------

Hoseok awoke with a sinking feeling in his heart and a lump in his throat. It was the day he had been dreading since before he learned her name. He hated that he didn't have enough time. Enough time to hold her, enough time to watch his daughter grow up, enough time to build a bigger family.

He found the other side of the bed empty and standing up with a groan, he moved to the room next door. He stroked his daughter's cheek a tear spilling out his eye that he quickly wiped. Bending down, he kissed her little cheek, sniffing her calming scent.

"Daddy loves you, baby. Daddy will always love you. Please be good for your mommy okay?"

She only moved a little at his words, sighing before continuing to snooze. Hoseok ran his hands over his face, his heartbeat accelerating. He looked at the mirror in the corner and practiced his smile a few times. He had to be brave. He had to be brave for her, for both of them.

He walked into the kitchen, schooling his expression into one of bliss, as he saw her standing in her underwear and one of his t-shirts, and his heart felt hollow. He loved her so much. He hated that he had to leave this way, but that was his fate from the beginning, wasn't it? Their whole relationship, everything, started from and led to this moment. Padding over to her, he put his arms around her squeezing her tight, his chest molding perfectly to her back as it always did.

She giggled as she leaned into him, softly caressing his arms and making him nuzzle further into her neck. He took in her delicate scent and tried to control his breathing. He could not break.

"Someone's cuddly this morning," she commented, turning around with a grin.

"I just love you, that's all."

She cooed as he brought his lips to hers. What he intended to be a gently good morning kiss, turned into so much more as he lost control of his emotions. He kissed her like he would forget her taste, but it wasn't him who would be dwelling on this moment for years to come.

When the two broke apart, he cupped her cheek as he felt the familiar buzz in his ears.

"You know I love you more than anything in the world right?" He whispered before he started to see his kitchen fade away.

Her voice echoed as he was teleported into a dark room, momentarily blinded.

"Aww, I love you too, my Hobi!"

He fumbled around a little and then he heard it - a loud gunshot, shattering his eardrums. The sound hurt more than the sudden sharp pain in his chest, he thought, as he gasped for air, stumbling to the ground. The lights in the room turned on then and he saw the younger version of his father in law, demanding something, his voice inaudible.

She never told him details about this moment, but kind of fitting that it was in the hands of her father. He never did like Hoseok much anyway. His breaths felt shallow as he chuckled at the irony. Or was it justice? Karma? He didn't know. Nevermind, his chest hurt far more than his eardrums. Fuck, being shot is a bitch.

He felt the nauseous pull for the last time as he dropped into his bedroom. The last thing he saw was his wife  rushing over to him. Oh, she was so beautiful, he was so lucky she chose him.

For being a time-traveler Hoseok’s life was full of regrets but the one thing he would never regret was meeting her, even if that was the reason he lost her.

—

I hope you liked this super sad angst piece, for more fics of mine check out my masterlist

[granatumre]

Hi, Jo! You're translating Those who stand? I thought you only made playlists. What language? Can I ask you a few questions? I hope I'm not being rude, I'm really curious because I want to translate fanfics myself (in Spanish) and I don't know where to start. How you do you keep the authenticity and the quality of the original text? How do you translate jokes and word play? Have you ever been stuck on a sentence you couldn't translate? Good luck on your translation! :)

Hi anon! I hope you can excuse me for such a late response, I’ve made you wait a whole month and for that I’m sorry. Oh, wow that’s the most interesting question I’ve received so far (not that I receive a lot of them haha). But I will, with pleasure, answer your questions! Thank you for asking and thank you for the luck! Good luck on your translation too! I’m sure you’ll do an amazing job! But keep in mind that I’m an amateur, so everything I say is only my experience and my opinion, it works for me, maybe it’s different for you.

It’s Russian and it’s not as hard as I thought it would be, but also not as simple. The key of translating, in my opinion, is that you have to know how to write fiction yourself, because it should resemble a piece of literature and not something soulless and taken out of google translate. So, basically, translating, is the same thing as writing: you’re living the words and sentences and you have to put them through yourself and back to find that exact line that fill satisfy you. Translating should also be fun, you have to enjoy the process because be prepared of transforming sentences and trying to make them as poetic, as the original is. And that is basically the key of keeping the authenticity.

In a way, you can’t, because each language has its own structure and I know how disappointing it is when you like the original line so badly, but you can’t make an exact translation because it would just sound weird. Sometimes I have to make a line longer, sometimes I would add some words just to make it more powerful for the language I am translating it into, sometimes I would breakdown a sentence into two separate ones. And it’s all okay! No translation will be identical to its original, it’s impossible. I will add 4 examples so you can see how it works.

The original: We’re too old for neon lights and bass sounds which are so loud that we can’t hear ourselves speak, and too young and privileged for dinner on our laps and an early night. We sit snugly and smugly, congratulating ourselves on our comfortable situations.

Russian version: Мы слишком стары для неоновых огней и басовых звуков, которые настолько громки, что мы не слышим своего голоса, и слишком молоды и привилегированны для ужина на коленях в раннюю ночь. Мы окружили себя комфортом и самодовольно поздравляем себя с bella vita*.

The exact translation of the Russian version: We’re too old for neon lights and bass sounds that are so loud that we can’t hear our voice, and too young and privileged to have dinner on our knees in the early night. We have surrounded ourselves with comfort and smugly congratulate ourselves with bella vita*.

The original: My heart beats right into his chest and his into mine as if they’re urging each other to throb at the same time.

Russian version: Моё сердце бьется в его грудь, а его в мою, словно это зов, сигнал одновременного слияния.

The exact translation of the Russian version: My heart beats into his chest and his into mine, like it’s a call, a signal of a synchronous merging.

The original: I lower my head to kiss him until he moans into my mouth in a way that is to be felt more than heard, and open my eyes to see his closed. It makes me think of all the funerals I’ve ever been to, and every open coffin.

Russian version: Я опускаю голову и целую, пока не слышу его стон на моих губах — он забирается мне под кожу, в ребро, и я открываю глаза, чтобы увидеть его закрытые веки. Я вспоминаю каждые похороны, каждый открытый гроб.

The exact translation of the Russian version: I lower my head and kiss him until I hear his moan on my lips — it gets under my skin, into my rib, and I open my eyes to see his closed eyelids. I remember every funeral, every open coffin.

The original: L said that he’d see me later, and I think about that a lot. I did, anyway. I try not to think about things I can’t reason out, but sometimes, and for the most stupid, insignificant reasons, I miss him so much that it pulls the air from me. I miss him like you’d miss air or water. An almost physical pain of loss but constant and thumping like blood in my head which wouldn’t cease until I thought that, yeah, I’d see him later. But I don’t believe it, really. I can’t, and it sucks big, hairy, massive balls. I couldn’t understand why I’d need to believe that I’d see him again just to comfort myself. I’d rather have felt nothing. So, as I say, I don’t think about it now. Everything worked out for the best, I suppose.

Russian version: Эл сказал, что мы увидимся чуть позже, и я много об этом думаю. Думал, во всяком случае. Я пытаюсь не размышлять о вещах, которые не могу решить, но иногда, по самым глупым и незначительным причинам, я скучаю по нему настолько сильно, что это выбивает из меня весь воздух. Я скучаю по нему, как вы бы скучали по кислороду или воде. Словно потеря — это физическая боль, но постоянная и пульсирующая во мне как кровь приливающая к голове, и она не перестанет болеть, пока я не подумаю, что да, я увижу его позже. Но на самом деле, я в это не верю. Я не могу, и это настолько, блять, ужасно. Я не понимал зачем мне следует верить в то, что мы скоро увидимся, лишь для того, чтобы себя утешить. Лучше бы я ничего не чувствовал. Так что, как я и говорил, я больше об этом не думаю. Все решилось в лучшую сторону, не так ли?

The exact translation of the Russian version: L said we’d see each other later, and I think about it a lot. I used to, anyway. I try not to think about things I can’t solve, but sometimes, for the stupidest and most insignificant reasons, I miss him so much that it knocks the air out of me. I miss him, like you would miss oxygen or water. Like loss — is a physical pain, but constant and thumping like blood rushing to my head, and it won’t stop hurting until I think that yes, I’ll see him later. But I don’t really believe it. I can’t, and it’s so fucking awful. I didn’t understand why I had to believe that I would see him soon just to comfort myself. I wish I didn’t feel anything. So, like I said, I don’t think about it anymore. It was all for the better, wasn’t it?

So the only way to keep the authenticity is to make it authentic to the language you’re translating the text into. It’s still going to be the same meaning and that way you keep the metaphors running too.

Also, I was talking about this with the author yesterday and it’s probably the hardest thing to translate. In Russian (and Spanish as you know), unlike in English, there’re different versions of “you”. It will vary depending on the formality of the relationship between the speaker(s)/ listener(s) and how many people are being spoken to. So there’s an informal you that will be used with your friends which is a “ты” equivalent to “tú” in Spanish and “tu” in French. And the formal way of addressing someone which is “вы” equivalent to “usted” and “vous” in French. There’s this part in Chapter 1, when Light and L first meet and it was reasonable to use the formal “you” but then I didn’t know when to switch it to the informal one. I though that L knelling in front of Light and the “yeah, now we’re friends” was a good moment of doing it because this was pretty informal to me. And apparently it was a perfect choice, so I’m happy about that.

But the puns, the jokes and oh the British fucking slang is something my betas and I have been crying about. From the light the Light pun, to the «law» in Lawliet pun, to the «interbred, loose-toothed, pink pony fucking, grandmother mugging, vagina-faced, vomit guzzling, baby killing, rectal smears within driving distance» which I had to sit through for a good half an hour trying to sort this whole dialogue out. Light’s clothing monologue is always very hard to translate because it’s very specific and detailed and I’m just so lost, but I manage and Google is my friend. My favourite was the B mumbling, which was a nightmare on its own because what’s a coma and fucking «Noir de Noir and one part Tobacco Vanille» and also that massive part when he spoke slang and I wouldn’t make it without Laura’s help because apparently the phrases are used to describe stupid people so from this:

The original: Upstairs the lights are on but no one’s home not the sharpest knives in the drawer a few cards short of a deck the bats are out of the belfry a few fries short of a Happy Meal the elevator doesn’t go all the way to the top floor the antenna doesn’t pick up all the channels all booster no payload one IQ point above brain death if I offered you a penny for your thoughts then I’d get change not the fastest ship in the fleet the gates are down the lights are flashing but the train isn’t coming isn’t that right L?

I got this:

Russian version: Это как если бы ты надел шапку под палящим солнцем если бы ты пытался разжечь огонь в воде если бы ты взял диетическую колу с жирным обедом если бы ты отдал деньги попрошайкам надеясь что они используют их во благо если бы ты разжигал камин без дров и искал правду у лжеца понимаешь о чем я Эл?

The exact translation of the Russian version: It’s like wearing a hat in the hot sun like trying to light a fire in the water taking a diet coke with a greasy lunch giving money to the beggars hoping they’d use it for good lit a fire without firewood and looked for the truth from a liar you know what I mean L?

Which is honestly as close as I could get and even tho it’s not the same lines, it’s still bares the same meaning. When it comes to jokes I always try and find an equivalent in Russian

The original: Oh. Well, I’m sure I’ll slit my wrists over that later.

Russian version: Ну, не волнуйся, обещаю, что надевая петлю на шею, я буду вспоминать твои слова.

The exact translation of the Russian version: Well, don’t worry, I promise, when I’ll be putting a noose around my neck, I’ll be remembering your words.

or when it’s too bad I’ll just put an asterisk and explain the joke in the chapter’s description.

Considering, it usually takes me 2 days (2/3 hours each day) for a chapter, it has been going rather smoothly. However, sometimes I can be stuck on a sentence because I don’t think it’s melodious enough or I don’t like the way it sounds. Sometimes I’m stuck on a sentence because I like the English one so badly and try to make the translated version as close as possible and then I cry because it sounds weird. I have to deal with tautology a lot (not repetition, which is a literary device!) because it might work in English, but it looks awful in Russian and I’m obliged of turning the phrase upside down. The same case with the excessive use of “I” which is so basic in English, but in Russian it looks like an unnecessary tautology and we don’t need to use it as much and plus: the less is better. 

But honestly, overall, Those is very easy to translate because of the way the text is written: it gives room for a translation and an interpretation, which is honestly so rare in a fanfic. Basically, the better the original is, the more metaphors there is, the more description there is, the easier it is to translate. It’s also easy for me, because the style in Those is similar to the way I write my fiction in Russian, if that makes any sense? I live for the metaphors and allusions and the game with punctuation where there’s none and then, suddenly, there’s a lot. It gives me room to breathe and create because a translation is essentially a text you have to break down and then rebuild in a way similar to the original but also correct in the language you’re translating it into. Which is probably why I’ve shed so many tears over it. Which probably explains the playlists, ha.

You have to pick something that you really like and picture yourself doing it. Try a few sentences, test the grounds and don’t take a translation you know you won’t finish. Also! Very important! And it’s something I regret not doing: talk to the author, ask them for help if you don’t understand a sentence or can’t get through something… like… slang, ha!

There’s a lot of fanfics that I really like but would never translate because I can’t relate to the author’s style. And this doesn’t mean it’s badly written, no, the contrary, but I just just can’t picture myself translating it. With any fanfic I read, I would always translate one sentence I really like in my head first and then, if it sticks, I’ll go along. And Those stuck with me.

It was a mix of an insane drive «oh my god the Russian fandom needs to see this, I need to spread the word» and a «are you mad enough to do it» and, well, guess what? I am.