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loosesodamarble · 1 year ago

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As Time Moves On Part 3: An Overdue Reconciliation

Summary: Nozel gathers his family for a discussion that needs to happen for the sake of the future of House Silva. Genre: general, hurt/comfort(?) Word count: ~3800

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Noelle gazed up at the grand visage of House Silva’s wing of the royal palace. The tall, sleek towers and spires. The windows that gleamed more like crystal than glass in the sunlight. It was beautiful but austere.

“Are you sure you’ll be okay?” a voice asked from behind her.

Noelle turned around to look at Finral as he leaned out of the portal he was holding open. His brows furrowed in concern and as much as he smiled, Noelle could tell it was something he forced at the moment.

“Don’t worry so much. I’m royalty, I’ll be fine here,” Noelle stated as she flicked one of her pigtails behind her shoulder. When Finral didn’t back into his portal, Noelle instead gave her squadmate a small grin. “I’m me, I can handle myself.”

The concern on Finral’s face loosened a bit. He almost receded into the portal before he extended an arm to Noelle. And from the look in his eyes, Noelle knew. She stepped over and let Finral give her a one-armed hug. She hugged him back.

“You better not come back to tell us you joined the Eagles, got it?” Finral muttered as he gave the back of Noelle’s shoulder a pat.

“If you really want to be stuck with me…” Noelle gave him a squeeze before they both let go.

The two gave each other a smile and nod before Noelle turned to House Silva again. Once upon a time, the palace was a cold and lonely prison. She took a deep breath. Then, she took her first step towards the door.

Today, she was returning to her first home.

.....

In one of the palace’s lounges, Noelle sat with Solid and Nebra with tea and snacks on the table between their seats. Nozel was still on his way, finishing squad business according to Nebra. So while the younger siblings waited, they decided to recount their actions from the night Clover Kingdom made their attack against the Spade Kingdom.

“You redirected a spell that large?!” Noelle exclaimed as she leaned forward in her seat.

“Don’t pretend to sound impressed!” Solid snapped back. “I bet you think you could’ve stopped it altogether!”

“I’m not pretending though!” Noelle said, a bit more forcefully than she meant to. “Just take a compliment, why don’t you?”

Solid made a “ngh” sound and his face started to burn red. “What you said was hardly a compliment! Besides, how do I know that you’re not just mocking me, huh?”

“Oh how pathetic that’d be,” Nebra muttered behind her hand. She leaned in Noelle’s direction. “Though if you want pointers on how to get on Solid’s nerves, I can share.” She winked at her sister.

“Yeah, no thanks.” Noelle hid a mildly disgusted look behind a sip of tea. And here I thought Nebra and Solid were as close as can be. Guess they’ll even turn on each other if it amuses them.

Her heart felt heavy at that idea. She’d always felt like she alone was pushed away and knocked down. But the cruel, cutthroat nature of House Silva could target her siblings too it seemed. It really had been for the best that Noelle never fit into that environment, that she wound up in the Black Bulls and became who she was in the present.

Had she been a fool for ever wanting to fit in with her family?

Noelle lowered her cup.

No. She wasn’t a fool for wanting to be close to her family. Rather, she was short-sighted for wanting to fit into a dynamic that tore down the weak instead of encouraging growing into strength.

Noelle glanced to her side to Nebra and in front of her to Solid. Their presence carried with them painful memories but… There was also a relief in knowing that they were okay after all was said and done.

“Ugh. What’s taking Nozel so long?” Nebra grumbled. “He was the one to summon us here yet he—”

The lounge doors were pushed open. And there Nozel was.

Noelle’s eyes went wide at Nozel’s appearance. Rather than his usual attire, Nozel wore a plain white tunic with a low collar. While it wasn’t anything revealing, seeing him dressed that way made Noelle realize that she’d never seen Nozel so casually. Nor had she seen his neck uncovered before. And it was a mildly jarring sight.

“Good afternoon, everyone,” he stated while walking in. The expression on his face looked like a smile but there was a pain to it that made it impossible for Noelle to believe he was happy. “I’m glad you all could make it today.”

In total silence, Nozel directed Solid to sit with Noelle and Nebra on the sofa before sitting in the armchair across from them.

“Nozel, why exactly are we here?” Nebra was the one to ask, being the most comfortable with approaching the eldest brother.

There was a moment of silence as Nozel took a deep breath then opened his eyes, meeting each other his younger sibling’s confused gazes with an intense one of his own. He looked more serious in that moment than he’d ever been in his entire life.

And having seen Nozel in the midst of the battle with Megicula, Noelle was shocked that such a feat was possible.

“It’s time that all of you learned the truth regarding our mother, Acier Silva’s, death,” Nozel stated plainly but resolutely.

“Truth?” Solid echoed. He glanced over in Noelle’s direction, his confusion quickly turning to anger. “But we know what happened to Mother! I saw her! So did you two!” Solid gestured to Nozel and Nebra. “She got sick before Noelle was born and she only got worse after! What more is there?”

Noelle trembled, not so much from Solid’s voice but his accusation. Even though Noelle knew the truth, faced the woman and devil behind Acier’s death, the blame was still on her within the walls of House Silva.

“There is much more to the story that you are unaware of, Solid,” Nozel coldly retorted, making Solid’s mouth immediately clamp shut. “If you’ll be quiet, I can explain.”

After Solid seemed to shrink back in his seat and Nozel took a deep breath to recompose himself, Nozel continued.

“To the rest of the world, Acier Silva died due to birth complications, contracting an unidentified illness when her body was in a weakened state after pregnancy and labor, thus the blame being put on Noelle.”

Something about hearing the false narrative, beyond simply “you are to blame” made Noelle’s stomach churn. So much so that she instinctively put a hand to her mouth.

“Now it’s true that our mother fell ill late into the pregnancy. It was the reason why she moved to the family’s estate near the border temporarily. Doctors believed a closer proximity to natural mana would strengthen her and a less stressful environment would be better for recuperation. I accompanied Mother on the trip out of concern for her and a yet unborn Noelle.”

Nozel paused and pursed his lips. His hands clenched and unclenched on his knees.

Noelle noticed and she wanted to reach over, to give him some kind of reassurance as he was delving into his memories, reliving the darkest time in his life. But she held back. She guessed that Nozel needed to say his piece, to bear the facts, before whatever pain was in his heart could be healed.

“Thankfully, that illness was merely an aggressive cold. Noelle was born without issue. And after that, Mother was able to recover in a few days, thanks to the environment and attentive care from healers. The servants were sent home early so that our mother, a newborn Noelle, and I would be granted privacy before our own return.”

“I remember that…” Nebra muttered with her eyes narrowed in annoyance. “The servants were back but you weren’t and I was so impatient.” She swallowed and her expression turned grim. “But if Mother had recovered after Noelle’s birth, then what…?”

“While the three of us were alone at the estate, that was when Mother’s true killer arrived. The devil Megicula and their human host.”

Choked gasps escaped Nebra and Solid’s throats at the words.

Nozel shuddered as he closed his eyes, the memories of that day clearly still haunting him.

With painful slowness, Nozel recounted that day.

How Acier had sensed a dangerous presence before Nozel had and instructed him to sneak off the premises while she went to fight the intruder. The way Acier stood before Vanica with resolute determination.

Nozel’s posture wilted as he recounted how he’d tried to watch the fight, as if he would’ve been able to do anything if he joined it. He explained that he had tripped and the jolt caused Noelle to wake and cry in fright. There was pure fear and horror in his eyes when he described how fast, how terrifyingly quickly, Vanica had moved to loom over him and Noelle.

He described Acier’s final attack and the noxious mana that enveloped her and Nozel when it happened. As he described the curse’s effects on himself, Nozel touched his exposed neck.

“With Acier returning to House Silva weakened after labor, it was all too easy for the blame to be put on Noelle. And because of the curse on me, I was unable to defend you, Noelle.” Nozel raised his head and looked at the youngest Silva. “For that, I’m eternally sorry.”

At that point, Noelle was in tears. Quiet but unrestrained tears.

She was not alone. Nebra and Solid were also crying as if their eyes were opened floodgates.

“It was a curse that killed her?” whispered Solid. His head was bowed and his whole body trembled. “And from a supreme devil? There’s no way…”

“But it’s the truth.”

“A curse that powerful should’ve given off some trace of magic,” Nebra retorted, trying to make sense of what she’d heard. “How did no one sense it? Especially if you were under the curse this whole time!”

Nozel closed his eyes and his shoulders appeared to slump further. “Megicula’s attribute was Curse-Warding. It’s a magic that makes curses harder, if not impossible, to break without killing the caster. It only makes sense that Megicula was able to leave a curse that was undetectable, even to the most trained magic users.”

“So for that whole year… Mother suffered more than we knew…” Nebra covered her mouth, trying to muffle her sobs.

“We were only kids at the time. It wasn’t our fault that we believed what we were told,” Solid muttered with his head turned away from Noelle.

The sorrow Noelle felt when Nozel recounted the past began to mix with a bubbling frustration inside from listening to her siblings. Her hands balled up on her knees.

“Is that really all you have to say?” The words left Noelle with little thought. “You’re really going to sit here feeling sorry for yourselves?” She rose from her seat. She glared at Solid and Nebra. “You’re just crying over being ignorant kids and not even apologizing for what you did in your ignorance! And you!” She turned to Nozel. “You say you’re sorry for not defending me but you didn’t even try!”

“Noelle, the conditions of the curse—”

“You could’ve easily worked around the curse!” Noelle snapped. “You never had to bring up Megicula. You just had to insist that I didn’t kill Mother! ‘Noelle isn’t to blame!’ ‘Don’t blame the baby!’ ‘It was something else!’” She threw her hands down at her sides. “You could’ve said any of those to defend me but you didn’t! You made zero effort in protecting me and didn’t try to reach out to me while I was made the black sheep of our family! Why didn’t you try?!”

With all her words having been let out, Noelle sighed and buried her face in her hands.

“Why…? Why didn’t…?” she whimpered between gasps. “Just why…”

Noelle cried.

And her siblings looked at her. For the first time, they saw Noelle as who she had been for years. A young girl, their little sister, lonely and sorrowful. As strong as she was, so strong as to be acknowledged by one of the Great Four Spirits and defeat a devil, she only became that way after living most of her life being shunned and left feeling weak.

Nozel stared intently at Noelle. At her wilting posture, the weight of her grief dragging her down. At her tears, which he didn’t know how to soothe. Acier would’ve known. So…

What would Mother have done? Nozel stood from his seat. I remember her… always holding me close. In the good and bad times. He stepped around the coffee table between them. Then, he put his arms around Noelle. It was not a hug, his hold on Noelle was too rigid and awkward for it to be called such.

“You’re right,” Nozel said with a fragile softness. “After Mother gave her life to protect us, I did nothing for you. You were Acier’s last gift to the world and I didn’t do everything in my power to protect you… I utterly failed you as a brother… For that, I’m truly sorry, Noelle. It doesn’t change anything but I hope that it… that you…”

Words left Nozel’s mind.

He didn’t know exactly what he hoped for. Was it his place to ask for Noelle’s forgiveness? Did he have the right to wish her a better life that he never provided her? He hoped for Noelle’s sake but he couldn’t name anything exact to wish for her. There was so much for her to have that he’d been too weak-willed to give in his own power.

It was his greatest shame.

Noelle leaned into Nozel and quietly cried into his shoulder. It was new but there was a comfort to this intimacy that they’d never shared before. It was the comfort of a dream coming true at long last.

“Acier’s last gift to the world.”

The words echoed in Solid and Nebra’s minds. And the visage of their mother, preserved in their memories and in the foyer of House Silva, could be seen in Noelle.

Nebra pursed her lips and a faint memory filled her mind.

“You promise that I’ll get a sister?” Nebra asked, years ago while pressing a hand to her mother’s belly. “It better be a sister or else— Um… or else…”

“Don’t worry, Nebra. I can feel that this baby will be a girl,” Acier answered with a smile and laugh. “And when she’s born, you’ll be a good big sister, right?”

“Yeah! I’ll help her be a strong princess like you and me and make sure she’s the cutest dressed baby ever!”

Had that really been Nebra? Had she really been so eager to meet Noelle and treat her kindly? Was she once the kind of person who smiled at the chance to take care of someone rather than smile at the suffering of others? What would Acier have said if she saw what became of Nebra after her passing?

All that love and gentleness that Nebra had known before was destroyed by the heartache of losing their mother. The suffering that sank into her bones… And her desire to see it inflicted on others…

Solid, too, became overwhelmed by a recollection of the past.

“Solid…” Acier whispered as she smoothed down her son’s hair. “You’re gonna be a big brother. You know Nozel is really cool, yeah?”

“The coolest and strongest big brother!” Solid exclaimed.

“Yes yes. Well, you need to become a cool, strong big brother too.” Acier hugged Soild to her chest with one hand while touching her stomach with her other. “Can you do that?”

Solid bit his lip. “I dunno…”

“I think you can.” Acier pressed a kiss to Solid’s crown. “Please try, okay?”

“…Okay…”

Solid grit his teeth, fighting back the urge to cry out loud. He was Solid Silva, son of Acier. He wasn’t some weakling who cried or regretted things. He was a Magic Knight, a Silver Eagle. Solid was strong, proud, independent…

And a pathetic man who knew pain but never sympathized with Noelle when she cried, just as he did for Acier, all because someone pointed at her and said “she is to blame.”

“N-Noelle…”

Noelle, stepping out of Nozel’s embrace, turned at the sound of Nebra saying, or rather sobbing, her name.

“Yes?”

Nebra wiped at her tears with the back of her hands and took deep, ragged breaths.

“Noelle, I’m sorry… For… everything… I didn’t know better but I still… Sorry, I’m sorry…”

“Me too… Sorry…” Solid muttered just loud enough to be heard. “I failed you as a brother too…”

Noelle’s eyes went wide.

Nebra, who ignored her at best or mocked her if they ever happened to cross paths…

Solid, who knocked her down both physically and emotionally throughout their childhoods…

Their apologies were pitiful but Noelle felt them in her heart.

“Nebra. Solid.” Noelle took a moment to look both siblings in the eyes.

Again, Noelle’s heart was warmed by the foreign affection that she and her siblings never had before. It wasn’t an “I love you” but the kindness in “sorry” was more than enough for her at that moment.

“Thank you…”

Her words seemed to break a dam in her older siblings.

“I’m sorry… I’m sorry…” Nebra whimpered, lacking the pride and grace she usually carried.

“What kind of answer is that?” Solid managed to sound indignant and annoyed as he cried. “Shouldn’t you be mad or something?”

Noelle pressed her lips together.

Maybe she should’ve been mad, or at least bitter towards her siblings. After all they’d done to make her life miserable and then she experienced love with the Black Bulls, she could’ve easily resented them. But rather than hatred, what she felt for her siblings…

“I don’t know,” Noelle muttered. “I should be angry but I…” Her head shook ever so slightly. “I want to forgive you. I want to be a family with you guys but I’m not sure…”

“You don’t have to have an answer right away,” Nozel stated, drawing his younger siblings’ attention to him. “I don’t think any of us really know what to say.”

The Silvas looked between themselves. Nozel’s pale violet eyes. Nebra’s deep pink like gems. Solid’s clear blue. And Noelle’s blush pink.

The four of them. Together. Like they should’ve been from the moment Noelle had been born.

As their mother had wanted…

“There’s something I believe you all should see,” Nozel said to break the silence that settled over the siblings. “Follow me.”

With that, Nozel walked towards the doors of the lounge. Nebra, Solid, and Noelle passed confused looks before following their brother.

The walk was quiet. Hearing the full story of Acier’s death and the tears they’d all shed had thoroughly drained the siblings of energy.

Nozel led his family through the halls of House Silva to a back wing of the castle, to an area where the rooms only existed because the palace had been built so excessively large. He guided them to a room that had been left unoccupied for the last sixteen years. The door opened and the light flickered on with a bit of effort from underuse.

The room was empty. Save for one large cloth draped over something else which appeared to lean against the wall.

Nozel walked to the cloth covered object. Nebra, Solid, and Noelle followed him up to it. As they approached, different expressions crossed each of their faces. Noelle raised a brow in confusion. Solid’s gaze was a pensive one. And recognition flashed across Nebra’s face.

“Nebra, Solid, do you have an idea what this could be?” asked Nozel. His hand rested on the object, curling up in the cloth covering.

Solid narrowed his eyes on the obscured item. “No. Should I know what it is?”

Nozel pressed his lips into a line before shaking his head. “You were so young. It doesn’t surprise me that you don’t remember.” He then looked to Nebra. “Do you recall?”

“It’s still…” Nebra blinked rapidly and seemed to be straining to speak. “I thought that you… that you maybe destroyed…”

“No. It’s been here this whole time.” When Nozel said this, a pained smile came to his face. Years of suppressed grief and love made his heart ache. “Noelle, if you truly wish to mend the broken bonds of our family, then you should see this. We all should.”

Nozel pulled on the cloth.

Depicted in immaculate detail on canvas was a portrait of the four of them with their mother. Acier sat between Nozel on her right and Nebra on her left. Solid sat on Nebra’s other side. And Noelle was cradled in Acier’s loving arms.

Acier’s smile was absolutely radiant despite how much pain she must’ve been in from the curse. Nozel did his best to portray dignity but pain still showed on his face and he'd been unable to smile for the artist. Nebra and Solid’s composure in the portrait, too, seemed forced. The only person who beamed as brightly as Acier did in the portrait was Noelle. Her angelic smile was almost framed by the blanket and Acier’s arms holding her.

Noelle’s legs gave out from under her.

“Mother…”

Nozel knelt down beside Noelle and put an arm around her shoulders.

“She wanted to hold you for as long as possible,” he whispered. “She loved you with everything she had.”

“I don’t… even remember…”

In the corner of Noelle’s sight, she saw Nebra’s skirt pool on the floor as her sister sat down.

“It’s okay. Just let it out.” For the first time, Nebra sounded like a sister. And she felt like a sister as her hand gently rested over Noelle’s.

Noelle shook her head, fighting the tears that were already in her eyes. She’d cried enough already. She stilled when she felt a hand on her back. There were no words but the warmth of Solid’s hand lightly pressed against her back was enough reassurance.

Noelle let out a wail. Only after seventeen years was she mourning the loss of her mother.

After seventeen years, her siblings were finally there for her, comforting her amidst their own tears.

It was a long seventeen years. But they were finally over.

..........