#Conversion thing happened and yeah. I prefer not to label myself but I support and I love all my friends and mutuals who are a part of the
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What do you think of Gay people?
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THE QUEERS?? I'm dating Alvar- >:D Of course I support LGBTQ+!
#👤: I support LGBTQ+ but I am not a part of it.#I use to be.#Conversion thing happened and yeah. I prefer not to label myself but I support and I love all my friends and mutuals who are a part of the#lgbtq :)#I support you all#its hard to explain it. I feel no love other than platonic to anyone when before I was able to feel at least some crushes. But... HEY!#It doesnt matter anymore! Love you all/plat#Also trans people are safe here too btw#I literally draw gay relationships and trans!alvar guys-#PLSPLSPLS
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@labsbian gave me permission to post this publicly, and a couple other people have asked similar things. It's related to this post about not identifying as a radical feminist anymore. For anyone reading this, please keep in mind that I'm autistic and have brain fog, and ask for clarification instead of assuming bad faith. My thoughts on this are evolving as we discuss it, too.
First off, I do consider myself aligned with radical feminism. I may not call myself a radical feminist because I truly don't think I adhere to enough of the basic tenets to call myself one, but In conversation, I'll say something like "I'm pretty much a radfem," or "I agree with radical feminists on this topic." I'm not rejecting the concept of or affiliation with radical feminism; my post relates more to online communities like radblr than irl activism, where mostly no one cares about your specific label so long as you're helping (at least in my experience).
Now, there are two separate answers for me to give here. The first is about my personal beliefs and where they do and don't clash with radical feminism. The second is a broader reflection on radical feminism as a viable political movement. I'm going to address the second part first. This gets very long, as a warning!
I've done a lot of reading on radical feminism and spoken to many women who are dedicated radical feminists, and in my opinion, female separatism is the ultimate goal of radical feminism. It's the most thorough way of challenging patriarchy at its root. If you (general you) are a radfem who disagrees with this, I get it; everyone will have a slightly different interpretation of what radical feminism is. But IMO, if you look at the stats and theory, and believe that the personal is political, separatism is the most logical conclusion to patriarchy.
But the problem is that many (most?) women aren't going to become separatists. Lots of them are going to be super resistant just to interrogating how misogyny infiltrates their personal lives, even as they acknowledge structural sexism - either because they don't want to really think about the horror of it, or they dislike the concept of the personal being political, or they just don't think it's that deep. Some women will interrogate the misogyny in their lives and choose to have relationships with men, either romantically or platonically. Is it the wisest choice? Often not. Is it going to be the most common one? Yeah, I think so. (For transparency, that is the choice I've made, and yes, I've thought about it a lot.) Ultimately, I think that the choice to keep males in your life is not compatible with radical feminism.
There is a gap between radfem theory and practice, and the opinions and beliefs of many women. I truly cannot see a widespread 6B4T movement happening in the USA in my lifetime. (I'm focusing on the US bc that's where I live, and I don't know enough about other places' feminism to make sweeping statements.) I think it's vitally important to bridge that gap. Yet it seems like most radfems online see the gap as insurmountable, or not worth focusing on. I really, really disagree with that. I think it's counterproductive to the advancement of women's rights and status in the world. That doesn't mean I think the "more radical" feminist goals on the radfem side of the gap aren't worth pursuing and supporting. I just don't think they're going to cause material change for the majority of women, not yet. I personally would prefer to put my energies toward working with libfems, choicefems, normie women, and male allies to reduce harm toward all women and find compromises between radfem beliefs and their beliefs. It seems to me that the goal of radical feminism is less about outreach and more about making strong communities of politically involved, likeminded women. There is a need for both subcategories of feminists and room for both of us in the broader feminist movement.
I want to emphasize that this relates mostly to online communities. IRL relationships or close online ones allow for much more nuance than radblr or its Twitter equivalent. So honestly, maybe this take is just terminally online! I do spend more time here and less time touching grass than I would prefer due to my disability. I've also been talking with some women who strongly believe that someone in my position should still call herself a radical feminist, precisely so there is variation in the movement that can be more accepting and...idk, open-minded. I'm letting that thought percolate right now.
As for my personal beliefs and radical feminism, I can actually summarize those in bullet points, as opposed to the rest of this post lol.
Radical feminists tend to ignore the nuance of gender and sex dysphoria, writing it off as reactions to misogyny which can be fixed, or just straight-up privilege. I'm skeptical on that. I think it's more complex. Some women might find some level of transition to be the most practical solution. Sex dysphoria may have a neurological, endocrinological, or neurodevelopmental component that genuinely requires medical intervention. We just don't have enough research to know. I think people need to do what gets them through the day, and if presenting as the other sex (without denying your own female sex) is what that is....then so be it. The important thing is to figure out what is best for you, and that's a process for sure.
I 100% agree with radical feminists on the sex industry and the beauty industry. However, I do have sympathy for people of both sexes who genuinely never thought about the inhumanity of the sex industry; it seems so obvious to me now, but I totally bought the "sex work is work" line for a while and I know other radfems who did too. I also understand why quitting porn can be difficult because orgasms are a powerful conditioning tool, and when you subconsciously associate orgasms with porn, it can be hard to override that association. I have zero sympathy and complete contempt for people who are educated on the crimes of the sex industry and just carry on with their lives, though. Or for men who quit porn ~for themselves~ after they learned about the hell women, children, and some men go through.
I think men can be allies and can be educated on radical feminism. I do not think men are hopeless or inherently destructive. Male socialization is destructive, yes. Far too many men in general are destructive. Individual men can be fine. I guess that's #notallmen but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
And as I said above, I think radical feminism is fundamentally not flexible enough to be practical on a broad scale. That's truly my biggest issue.
Happy to elaborate further if anyone is interested.
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these secrets i keep - rebel (lt. javy “coyote” machado)
a/n: yeah, one too many of you encouraged this so i will not be explaining myself. i’m writing this from Coyote’s perspective and that’s gonna get way more into the heart of things
summary: Coyote’s been keeping a secret from his best friend. a huge one. a potentially friendship-ending one. so, he just won’t tell her. that’s a good plan.
and it would’ve been, had Hangman kept his mouth shut.
these secrets i keep - Coyote
part of same mistakes-verse
main masterlist | top gun: maverick masterlist
warnings: swearing, mentions of the AIDS epidemic and DADT, someone getting outed because Hangman has two braincells at all times, threats of being outed, references to sex at the end, um everyone agrees Mav and Ice were at least a little gay right?, because I do, listen everyone in Top Gun is a little gay,
word count: 3,352
It was a drizzly January morning, not long after the holidays, when you found out.
A few of your team mates had been over at your house for breakfast, enjoying the rare day off. The rain ruined any real fun the group could have but you loved getting to spend time with them. The crew sat in the living room, while Hangman stood off to the side in the kitchen as you cleaned up. The friendly bickering and rowdiness accompanied your team mates as they argued over Mario Kart and Fanboy’s usage of a blue turtle shell at the last minute. You snorted as you heard a very heated remark come from your boyfriend. Hangman sighed and you glanced at him. “Everything good, Hangman?” He shifted and nodded hesitantly.
"Yeah- you and Javy good? You’re cool with all of this?” You furrowed your eyebrows, confused as to what Hangman was referring to, as you dried one of the dishes.
“Yeah, we’re good. Don’t know why we wouldn’t be.” The tall blond breathed a sigh of relief.
“Good, I just know he was worried about telling you about us, he was afraid you’d freak out or something.” You paused, taking Hangman in.
“Why would I freak out about- wait, us? Us, as you and Javy? Us as in you and Javy, like as a couple?” Hangman blinked once. Then twice and then frowned.
“Did- did you not know?” You shook your head slightly and he groans, hands reaching up to run over his face and through his hair.
“Fuck, I- I thought he would’ve told you by now. Oh I’ve fucked up.” He groans and you bit your lip. “Oh, this is so bad.” He moans and your heart twists a little.
“You know I don’t care right?” He pauses to look at you. “I don’t care that the two of you are dating. I mean I’d prefer he told me himself but I don’t-” You paused, swallowing as you tried best to figure out how to approach this. This was a conversation you should be having with Coyote, not Hangman, but you could see the worry bouncing around Hangman’s face and you didn't want him to think you weren’t supportive of either of them, however they were choosing to label their sexuality. “I’m cool with it. I mean, I don’t know what he sees in you but it doesn’t bother me that you’re, you know, a guy.” Hangman nods slowly and you see an ounce of relief flash over his face.
“You’ll talk to him about this, yeah? I know he’s freaking out.” You nod and turn back to the dishes, knowing you wouldn’t approach this with Coyote until he came to you when he was ready. If he wasn’t ready to discuss his sexuality or relationship with you, you wouldn’t tell him you knew. Being outed was not cool, and even if Hangman had done it accidentally, you didn’t want to corner your best friend into a position he didn’t want to be in.
-
It happened slowly, so unnoticeable at first that you weren’t sure it was even happening. Coyote had stopped responding to your messages, a few at a time, and then had stopped coming to group hangouts at the Hard Deck once a week. Next, it was ignoring your calls and your attempts to see him on your days off and invite him over after work. Then he stopped coming to the Hard Deck multiple nights a week and ignored your messages and phone calls entirely. Then, it started bleeding into your work life as he ignored any friendly chatter in the air and in the rec room, trying to stand as far away from you as possible. He ignored any help you tried to offer during training. He stopped making appearances at the Hard Deck entirely and had it not been for the fact that Coyote left his read receipts on, you would’ve thought your number was blocked.
You sighed, tossing the phone on the bed as your text asking if he was joining the team at the Hard Deck was once left again on read. The crew was gathering there, because despite the rain ruining any training that would’ve gotten done today, there was a week-long pool competition going on between the lot of you and you were not passing up the opportunity to finish it out. Everyone had money on the line so it was agreed upon that you’d all still go there tonight. Rooster chuckled softly as the phone bounced on the bed as you pulled the sleeves of Rooster’s UVA sweatshirt down to wipe at your eyes.
“Hey, what did the phone do to you?” He asks and you shoot him a look. He frowned, biting his lip. “Coyote still not talking to you?” You shook your head and Rooster grabbed your waist to sit down on the bed with him. You hadn’t told Rooster what Hangman had revealed, not wanting to out your friend.
“I don’t even know what I did.” You whispered as your boyfriend ran a hand through your wet hair, untangling some of it, as you had just gotten out of the shower. “I just want my best friend back.” His frown deepens as he looks on.
“I’m sorry sweetheart.” He whispers and you shrug.
“Not much you can do.” He sighs.
“Hey, why don’t you get changed and we can go get food before going to the Hard Deck? On me.” You shake your head.
“No, it’s fine. You can go ahead without me. I need a minute.” He takes a deep breath.
“You sure?” You nod, pulling yourself off his lap.
“Yeah, I’m sure.” He nodded and followed you downstairs, pausing by the front door.
“I’ll see you at the Hard Deck, okay? Call me if you need anything.” You nod and he kisses your cheek. “I love you.”
“Love you too.” He presses one more kiss to your lips and then leaves the house, front door shutting gently behind him. You sigh, moving to the kitchen to load the dishwasher. Your Dad spent most nights at Penny’s nowadays and you both were terrible at keeping up with dishes when working. It would be a good distraction anyways. Your phoned dinged as you reached the kitchen and you glanced at it, expecting it to be a sweet text from your boyfriend or a silly meme meant to cheer you up.
Bagman the annoying
Hey, are you home?
We gotta talk.
You sucked in a deep breath as you unlocked your phone.
Yeah I’m home.
Come on by.
Front door’s unlocked, per usual.
He sent a thumbs up emoji and you sighed, setting the phone down on the table as you paced nervously. You looked up at the clock, watching the minutes tick by as you bit your fingernail. You jumped every time a car drove by or when your phone dinged. Payback sending the night’s pool games to the groupchat, Bradley sending you a meme, Dad asking if you wanted to get coffee on the way to work tomorrow...
Finally, the front door opened and you heard Hangman’s voice call out for you. You grabbed a leftover bowl on the counter, trying to make it look like you were actually doing something instead of standing there twiddling your thumbs as your anxiety consumed you. “Kitchen.” You called back and the door opened, revealing Hangman and a very upset Coyote, who was being dragged along by Hangman’s tight grip on his wrist. You were almost positive that Coyote would’ve bolted the minute Hangman let it go. Hangman shuffled around and pushed Coyote gently into a chair at the table.
“Sit down.” He said to him and you looked on, setting the bowl you had grabbed into the sink, adding to the pile of dishes. Hangman sighed and then shifted, looking around the kitchen nervously. “Mav here?”
You shook your head. “Penny’s.” He nodded slowly as you watched Coyote’s eyes burn a hole into the table like it had personally offended him.
“Right well, let’s talk about this then.” He said, straightening up and you glanced at him.
“What are we talking about exactly?” You asked, eyes not leaving Coyote who was pointedly refusing to look at you.
“Well, I’m sure you’ve figured out by now that Coyote’s been ignoring you.” You nodded.
“Yeah, wasn’t sure why.”
“Well, I know why. You never brought up what I told you that day, about us, and Javy freaked out.” You waved a hand.
“We didn’t need to have a discussion about it.”
“Well, why not?” Hangman presses.
“Because-”
“-Because she hates me for who am I and who I’m dating and the friendship is over.” Javy stated, his voice rising with every word and you startled.
“Because it doesn’t bother me and I was waiting for you to come to me because it’s not my sexuality and relationship and I wasn’t going to force you to have a conversation you didn’t want to have or weren’t ready to have.” Coyote finally looked up at you. “Javy, you’re family, you really think that I’d-?” Your voice caught in your throat as you brushed away a few tears. He stared at you as you swallowed back your tears. “Hangman, why don’t you go on ahead to the Hard Deck. We’ll meet you over there.”
He hesitates. “I don’t know-”
“It’s not up for discussion.” You state and Hangman glances at Coyote.
“Okay, okay. I’m going. Just-” You raise your eyebrows and he swallows. Had circumstances been different, you probably would’ve man fun of the usually clam and collected blond to be so visibly nervous. “Yeah, okay I’m going. Okay, see you later.” He hesitates and then presses a quick kiss to Coyote’s cheek. They both glance at you and then Hangman’s leaving the kitchen. You wait until you hear the front door shut and watch his car drive away from the kitchen window and before turning back to Coyote, who’s back to staring at the table. You sigh and take a seat across from him.
“Javy.” You state. “Look at me.” He swallows and raises his head to meet your look. “We need to talk about this because this is not worth ruining our friendship over.”
“Really, it’s fine-”
“No, it’s not. Javy, I was waiting for you to come to me about it. It’s not my sexuality or my relationship and I wanted you to have freedom over when it got discussed and to what extent. I didn’t know if you had a label or were just casually hooking up with him or what was going on and I wasn’t going to press it. If you want to discuss this, we can but if you want me to pretend like I know nothing at all I can do that too. I haven’t repeated what was said to anyone else and no one else will find out about it if you’re not ready for it. Because at the end of the day, this is your sexuality and your relationship and you get to make the call on how you’re defining it and who you’re discussing it with and I’m never going to force you to talk about it. It changes nothing, nothing at all. You’re still my best friend, you’re always going to be, no matter if you’re dating a man or a woman or anyone else. I don’t care, so long as you’re happy at the end of the day. You do know that right?” He sniffed and your heart further twisted. You stood up, moving to his chair. “I’m going to give you a hug now.” You whisper and he nods. You lean over to give him a hug as you kick a chair over with your foot. You let him go and scoot it close as pull your legs up into a criss-crossed position so your knees are touching his and take his hand. “I’m sorry if I didn’t make it clear I was a safe person to tell this to.” You whisper and he shakes his head.
“No, I know-” He swallows. “I knew you were going to be fine with it, rationally, but I just- we’ve never discussed this before and I didn’t- you were raised in a military family, your Dad and Admiral godfather were around during the height of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell and you and I both know things haven’t really changed all that much, even if the Navy says otherwise and I just- I panicked.” He whispers, squeezing his eyes shut.
“Disregarding the fact that Rooster and I’ve got theories about what good ol’ Mav and Ice were up to during Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell-” Coyote raised his eyebrows. “-it wouldn’t have mattered. I’ve never bought into that stuff. Not once.” He nods slowly, blinking tears out of his eyes. “What do you want from me here? Do you want to talk about it? Because I have questions but you don’t have to answer them if you don’t want to and you don’t have to answer them right now if this is too much.” He shook his head.
“No, I want talk about it and I want to hear any questions you have.” He looks over to you and you nod.
“Okay, then we’re sitting on the couch because I hate these chairs.” He laughs softly and follows you out to the living room. “I’m serious, we’ve had them since I was like 3 and Dad refuses to get new ones.” You say, sitting down on the couch. He sits down next to you and you look at him. “Okay, so. How long have you and Hangman been dating?” He shrugs.
“November-ish?”
You nodded. “Well, that explains Christmas.” He nods.
“We’ve technically been hooking up since the g-loc incident.” Your eyes widen.
“Dude, that was almost a year ago.” He shrugs.
“It was just a casual thing at first, but not really, and we’ve been official since November but-”
“It’s been going on a lot longer.” You finish, looking at him. He nods, confirming the statement. “Oh God, so all those times I teased you-” You groaned, putting your head into your hands. “Sorry about being an ass. It was less, ‘you’re dating a guy’ and more ‘it’s Hangman’.” He shook his head.
“Never thought it was about that. I know how you feel about Jake. And you didn’t know and it wasn’t like you were wrong so...”
You sighed, mentally kicking yourself for bringing up the morning you had found them cuddling in the guest room after a movie night to the team. “I deserve an award for Worst Friend of the Year for that.”
“(Y/N), no. It’s fine. Don’t beat yourself up for it. Call us even for the time I told you to shut the fuck up on your first day.”
“That’s not even in the realm of being the same thing.”
“Whatever. Next question.” You sighed, rubbing your forehead.
“Please don’t regale me with stories of your sexescapdes but are you at least being safe?” You ask and Coyote glances at you curiously. “My Dad served during Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, but also during the AIDS epidemic and he knew guys who- who got sick and I just- you’re being safe right?” He nods.
“Yeah, we’re being safe I promise.” You let out a sigh of relief and you nod.
“Good, good, I just worry.” You sigh. “Do you have a label for yourself?” He nods.
“Yeah, yeah, I’m bisexual.” He whispers, almost as if afraid of saying the words.
“Okay. Who else knows?”
“Just you and Hangman. I’m not ready to tell anyone else. Well- okay, I have something I've gotta own up to.”
You raised your eyebrows. “Okay, I’m all ears.” He sighed and rubbed the back of his head nervously.
“I hooked up with Ghost on more than one occasion.” Your eyes widen. “Venom caught us once and held it over my head until the day he left. He always threatened to go to Thompson and- I didn’t ever want to tell you while you were there because I was afraid you’d do the same, in some sort of fucked up way to get into Thompson’s good graces. Ghost and I were kind of dating and the whole thing—lying to you, hiding, all of it—put a huge strain on us. We ended things a few weeks before I got the Iraq orders.”
“That... explains so much.” You whisper, brain replaying every interaction Coyote and Ghost had had the two years you were there.
“I- I wanted to tell you this time around because Jake and I have been years in the making and I didn’t want to fuck it up again, but I just- I just didn’t know how. I didn’t want to fuck up our friendship because you’re my best friend but I knew if I didn’t tell you, made Jake hide this from you, that I’d lose him and I just- I don’t know, I thought that maybe if I distanced myself from you, that it would suck for a while but you would accept it and it would be better this way, somehow? I thought that maybe if I lost you on my terms it would be better than losing you after hearing that you didn’t accept me for who I am.” He says, taking a shaky breath.
“Javy, no. You never would’ve lost me, not over this, not over anything else. And I never would’ve told you that. That’s not who I am, that’s never what I’ve believed, and it never will be.” He nodded, playing with the string of his sweatshirt.
“I’m sorry for not telling you sooner.”
You shook your head. “Please don’t be, it’s okay.”
“Is it?”
“Javy, yes, I promise.” He sighs and you look at him. “Does he make you happy? Treat you well?” He nods and takes a deep breath.
“He does. He really does.”
“Good. I’ll accept nothing less for my best friend.” He laughs silently.
“Same goes for you. You know if Rooster ever hurts you, I’m ready to fight in your honor.” You snort, rolling your eyes.
“Yeah, I know.” You sigh, picking at a loose thread on the couch. “Look, if you did want to talk about it, tell anyone else, I know for a fact Dad and Rooster are both safe people to tell. Phoenix and Bob too.” He nods slowly.
“I’ll think about it.” You sigh, stretching.
“So are we all good?” He nods.
“Thank you for always being the sensible one in the friendship.” You shake your head.
“I don’t know about that one.” He cracks a smile.
“Well, the sensible one lately. Seriously though, thank you for being so cool with all of this. I needed it.” You roll your eyes, pulling him into a hug.
“Javy, shut the fuck up, I don’t give a shit if you’re into men.” He laughs into your embrace, wrapping his arms around you.
“You should’ve started with that. Would’ve saved us a lot of trouble.”
“You’re the one who was ignoring me!” You defend, flicking his forehead as he pulls away.
“Yeah, I’m sorry about that.” You shrug.
“You’re my best friend and nothing will change that.”
-
The bell of the Hard Deck rang out as you pushed the door open and the group looked over from the pool table. You waved at Hangman, who was sat at the bar talking to your Dad as you moved to your boyfriend. He gladly returned your hug as the crew turned back to the current game. “Everything cool now?” He whispered, still eyeing Coyote and Hangman, who were eyeing the pair of you. Hangman sent you a thumbs up with a questioning look and you returned it with a smile.
“All good.”
“No one dying?”
“Everybody’s happy and healthy.”
“Figure it out?”
“Mhm.”
“Good, I’m glad. Nobody else puts up with you quite like Machado does.”
“Oh, fuck you Bradshaw.” You groan, pulling away from him.
“I mean, you already do so...”
#javy coyote machado#javy coyote machado fic#javy coyote machado imagines#javy coyote machado fics#javy coyote machado imagine#top gun maverick#top gun maverick fics#same mistakes
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Move to Safety: Chapter 3 (of 6)
After Adrien just happens to spy Nooroo in his father’s office, he’s sent into an panic. His father is Hawkmoth, which means that Adrien is in serious danger.
Thankfully the Dupain-Chengs are more than willing to step up to the plate and lend a helping hand.
links in the reblog
Adrien was truly beating himself up when, for the second akuma battle in a row, he choked up on his words before he could tell Ladybug about his father.
"It's not like I'm scared of Ladybug," Adrien complained to Plagg as he headed to the Dupain-Cheng house to hang out with Marinette. "Because I'm not! And my father deserves to be arrested, I'm not trying to protect him. But..."
"It's okay to be nervous about change," Plagg said, uncharacteristically serious. "Which I think might be your problem. Even if you don't like the status quo-"
"-the unknown can be scary," Marinette told Adrien five minutes later, after Adrien had expressed the same concerns to her. Her reassurances echoed Plagg's almost word-for-word, which was funny but also, admittedly, pretty reassuring. "Even if you know that all of us will be there for you."
"I just feel bad about allowing the akuma attacks to continue when we could be ending them," Adrien admitted, fussing with a corner of the pillow before catching himself and smoothing it back out. Not that he thought that anyone would care, really- after all, the two of them were hanging out in his room and if the bed was less than perfect, it didn't matter- but even though he trusted Marinette (and clearly Plagg trusted her too, if the number of times he spotted the two of them talking was any indication), he didn't want to seem like an anxious wreck in front of her.
He was one of the city's two main superheroes. He couldn't let himself be an anxious wreck.
"They've been pretty slow this week," Marinette commented, shuffling a little to get more comfortable on the bed. "Because your father is busy, right? I mean, we've only had two this week, and neither of them were a particularly long fight."
"Yeah, it's the usual summer line launch. It keeps him busy this last week and next." Adrien flashed a smile at her. "Helpful, really, since we have exams."
Marinette nodded in agreement.
"He'll probably not have time to do any more akumatizations before he leaves, at this rate," Adrien commented, glancing at the calendar. "So I guess I shouldn't feel too bad about the attacks. But I still do. And if there aren't attacks, then I don't know how I'll reach Ladybug- she's going to be just as busy as we are, studying for exams."
"You could talk to Ladybug at the mural dedication this weekend," Marinette pointed out, and grinned when Adrien whipped around to stare at her in surprise. He had forgotten about that, honestly, what with everything else going on. "Best friends with the Ladyblogger, remember? She's been talking my ear off about it."
"You are an actual lifesaver. I would have forgotten about that, what with everything else that's been going on." Adrien let out a breath, trying to settle the nerves that had sprung up with the idea of having a set date for telling Ladybug. It made everything more real. "I'll tell her then."
Marinette scooted closer to him, reaching out and taking one of his hands in hers. "We'll be here for you, you know that. And you'll be staying with us this weekend, too."
"Right." Adrien smiled over at her, so thankful that he had Marinette and her family right now. He would be a mess without them and their unquestioning support. "Thank goodness."
She smiled back, then glanced down at the bed for a moment. Adrien followed her gaze, wondering if he had messed up the sheets somehow- how, he had no idea, but maybe the older fabric had torn and he hadn't noticed?- when she spoke up again.
"Is it too warm for the blanket down here already?"
Adrien blinked at the sudden change of subject before answering. "Oh. Yeah, a bit, so I took it off the bed."
"I usually keep all of mine still on my bed in a big nest, but I suppose that's a personal preference," Marinette said with a giggle. "I have a ton of blankets and pillows now and just drape myself over all of them. Which you've probably seen before when you leave in the morning."
Adrien had tried not to look at the still-sleeping Marinette when he left in the mornings via her trapdoor, actually, because it just seemed intrusive, but the whole idea of a blanket nest sounded really nice. If Adrien tried it at the mansion, though, things would have tumbled off the edge of his bed. It would happen here, too, actually, because the bed wasn't up against a wall. "I'd normally keep the blanket, but, well..." He shot a sheepish look in her direction. "It's just...I could tell that the blanket had been in the closet for a while, if that makes sense? It wasn't an awful smell, just... a lot."
Marinette's expression lit up in understanding. "Ah! Okay, I know what you're talking about. We have cedar balls in the closet to make sure that we don't get bugs in our linens. It's a nice scent, in my opinion, but I can see where it would get overwhelming."
Adrien nodded. "That's a good description. And since it's warm enough, I just put it back in the closet so that the sheets wouldn't pick up the scent. Well, more than they already have."
"We can wash them!" Marinette said at once, hopping up. "And the blanket too, if you want, but it'll have to be a separate load."
"Mm. I think I'll pass. I'm not going to freeze." Adrien slid off the bed, helping Marinette pull the sheets off. Once they had gotten everything, he took the larger half of the pile of linens from her- there was no point in Marinette trying to struggle down the stairs when she couldn't see, after all- and followed her down to the laundry room. "You're gonna have to tell me what to do here, I've never done laundry before."
"And we don't want you to flood the laundry room," Marinette finished, grinning at Adrien's alarmed look. "It's not that likely, stop looking so scared. You just have to make sure that you don't put in way too much soap. See, all you really need is just a little bit."
Adrien pouted at her, trying not to smile as he did. "You just said that to freak me out!"
The smile that Marinette was clearly trying to hide told Adrien that that had totally been her intention. He pouted at her some more, then scooted over to her side to watch as Marinette showed him how to adjust the settings, explaining each one as they went. It wasn't overly simplified- Marinette knew that while he was unfamiliar with the machines and with paying attention to washing labels on clothing, he wasn't dumb and he picked up on stuff fast- or too detailed as to be confusing, and soon enough Adrien felt confident that he could probably put laundry through without ruining stuff.
Probably. Marinette had promised to help him with his first few loads of laundry once he was no longer at the mansion just in case, because his designer clothes might have some different washing instructions and he didn't want to destroy things right away.
"That blanket didn't fit your bed very well anyway," Marinette said as they got the load started and water started pouring into the machine. She hopped up on top of the dryer, settling down. "I was thinking of making a quilt for your birthday, and I'll try to get it done earlier than that, so you can have it on your bed- unless you have a blanket at the mansion that you want instead!" Marinette added immediately, her words all of a sudden rushing together. "I don't want to assume, I don't know if you have any blankets that you're attached to, or-"
"I would love a quilt," Adrien said at once, unable to help the way his voice went all breathy at the idea. He loved all of the gifts that Marinette had made for him- and yes, that included his favorite scarf, which he had discovered was a Marinette gift after he overheard a conversation between her and Alya- and a quilt?
He had had a moment of wondering why Marinette would think that he had an attachment to any of his blankets at home when she first asked- why anyone would have an attachment to a blanket- but with as soon as he thought about what Marinette had said about a quilt and- well, he could already he can see how an attachment could form. If Marinette did make him a quilt, he would probably keep it forever. Even if he ended up with a larger bed later on, one that the quilt didn't fit on... well, Adrien would either try to keep it on the bed regardless, or he would keep it on a couch to curl up with on cool evenings.
All of the blankets that he had at the mansion were typical department store ones (or mail-order catalogue ones, he really didn't know- but either way, they were plain and had no meaning to them) that either Nathalie or the interior designer had picked out to go with the rest of his room. They weren't anything special, even if he had had them for a while.
Marinette was smiling, clearly relieved that she hadn't somehow overstepped. "Oh, good. Do you want to look at patterns? I've been bookmarking some things and if it's not a surprise, then you might as well have some input."
"Oh, sure!"
Adrien followed Marinette back upstairs eagerly, a bounce in his steps. He had seen quilts before, of course, and they were so pretty. And so much work, too, so Adrien kind of couldn't believe that Marinette had been planning on taking so much time just for a birthday gift for him.
Not that jackets and bags and dresses- all things that she had made for her friends before- were exactly quick things to make! But quilts...
There were lots of little pieces, for one. The cutting and sewing together probably took forever, even for someone as talented as Marinette. And then there was the actual quilting part.
While his current bed was a full size- larger than a twin, not quite as large as a queen or king- well, that was a still a lot of fabric to cover.
While the sheets went through the wash and then the dryer, the two of them looked over Marinette's folder of quilt patterns. There were a lot of ideas, and it was pretty overwhelming at first, seeing all of the patterns, but, well...
There were some patterns that just called to Adrien more, and they narrowed it down to three of his favorites. By the time the sheets came out of the dryer and it was time to wrestle them back onto the bed, he had managed to select a favorite.
He was really looking forward to the quilt now.
"Want to come along with me to the fabric store and help pick out fabrics?" Marinette asked once the sheets were back on the bed and she had written up a list of how much fabric she needed. "Quilting fabric is so much fun to pick through. All of the patterns to choose from... all of the colors..."
Adrien grinned at her. Marinette had clearly already entered what he had previously dubbed the Fabric Haze. She had a sewing project in mind, and now she was entirely focused on it. "Shouldn't we be studying? I mean, I know we have most of the weekend for that, but with the mural dedication that I have to go to, that'll take some study time, and if you have fabric, uh..."
Marinette puffed up at him. "Are you saying that I'll get distracted? I can behave with fabric in the house! I wouldn't start to sew until after exams are over."
"Mm-hmm." Adrien snickered some more, then calmed down. "How about we save the fabric errand for after the dedication? I know it's a bit more time then not spent studying, but it might be nice to have something to look forward to for after I tell Ladybug about...you know."
"That makes sense." Marinette glanced longingly towards her computer, where their chosen design was pulled up on-screen. She startled and looked away right away when Adrien snickered again. "So, uh, studying?"
"Studying," Adrien agreed, following Marinette to her desk. In all honesty, they probably should have started sooner instead of spending so much time on the quilt, but he wasn't going to complain. Not at all.
Not when Marinette was doing her best to make him feel at home.
The mural dedication on Saturday morning was boring, to say the least.
It hadn't always felt like a snoozefest to do these sorts of things, Chat Noir reflected as he stood next to Ladybug, both of them standing a little bit behind and off to the side of the mayor as he talked. When their statues went up- well, that had been cool. But the two of them kept getting invited to dedications (some superhero-themed, others not) and now, several years into their superhero careers, the formalities had become stuffy. Journalists were welcomed, the two of them got name-dropped, there were thank-yous to sponsors and builders or artists or whoever was involved, and then some background on the project and why it was done and-
Well, Chat Noir was usually well and truly tuned out by that point.
He felt a little bad about that, sometimes. In cases like this, where it was obvious than an artist had worked super-hard at bringing their vision to life, it probably would have been nice to listen to how the superheroes had apparently deeply inspired them and the thought process behind the symbolism in the painting. But he was even more distracted than usual today, and so the symbolism that the painter had used in the painting was going straight over his head, the explanation going in one ear and out the other.
And then after the speeches, there was mingling.
"I told the mayor that we couldn't linger long," Ladybug murmured in Chat Noir's ear as the crowd in front of them started to shift, signaling an end to the speeches that he had somehow missed. "That we have other obligations today, so we can only talk for a few minutes before we leave."
"Yay exams." Chat Noir glanced around, wincing when he spotted reporters pushing through the crowd to get to them quickly. Presumably the mayor had made a comment about the superheroes not being available for long, or else they wouldn't be in such a hurry to reach the two of them. Their presence was going to make it hard for him to tell Ladybug about his father, and he had promised himself that he was going to do it today.
"Ladybug! Chat Noir! A couple minutes of your time?"
"A couple minutes is all we have to spare, unfortunately," Ladybug said smoothly, turning to them. "But we can answer a couple questions before we go."
Madam Chamack dove in first. "We're glad that the two of you could make it, but are we ever going to see the other members of your team at any of these events? This dedication in particular, it seems, it might have been prudent..."
"We appreciate that our part-time teammates both past and present are being honored in the mural, but they only come out for emergencies," Ladybug told the cameras. "It doesn't seem like a great idea to have so many Miraculous out and in one area unless it's strictly necessary."
"It would be too risky," Chat Noir agreed, glad to be playing backup. Ladybug had honestly become better than he had at answering questions without hesitation, and so he let her take the lead. "But yes, it's nice seeing more than just the core two of us being represented. We couldn't do it without our entire expanded team waiting in the wings to lend a helping hand."
Even once Hawkmoth was gone, it would be too risky, in his opinion. There would always be people out there who wanted to steal the Miraculous and use the powers for their own gain, and if there were more targets out... well, then that would just make things easier. And if he thought it was dangerous, then Ladybug would definitely never consider having unnecessary Miraculous out. She was even more cautious than he was.
"There's been a decrease in akumas over the past couple weeks- thoughts on that?"
"Presumably Hawkmoth has a life outside of supervillainry, since that wouldn't pay the bills," Ladybug offered, flashing a small smile at them. She got some chuckles at that. "He may be busy. There have always been times when things slow down or speed up, and it's probably not worth reading into short-term trends too much."
Chat Noir nodded, though he didn't add anything to that.
"Instead, we should be thankful for the slower period- I know I am!- and focus on making sure that we're kind to others and not getting needlessly upset over small things," Ladybug added. It had become a fairly standard plea for them over the years, though how much it actually helped, it was hard to say. Some people, like most of his classmates, certainly tried to be kind and not overreact, but others, like Chloe and her mom and the Mayor...
Well, they certainly caused more than their fair share of akumas, that was for sure. There was usually one Bourgeois-caused akuma per week, which, considering that there were three of them and hundreds- or thousands, rather- of other people in Hawkmoth's favored portion of Paris, was ridiculous.
(Or, to borrow Chloe's favorite phrase- ridiculous! Absolutely ridiculous!)
Ladybug fielded a couple more questions, then gently started to extract them from the press. All of a sudden, Chat Noir started panicking.
He couldn't let this opportunity slip by without talking to Ladybug, not again. But once they left, they would go their opposite ways right away and he wouldn't be able to tell her anything.
"Ladybug, I have to talk to you before we leave," Chat Noir murmured, ducking his head to talk directly in her ear as Ladybug smiled at the reporters for a photo. "Do- do you have a couple minutes to spare for me?"
"Of course," Ladybug murmured right away, glancing up at him. "Is there something in particular...?"
Chat Noir swallowed. It was now or- well, not never, but maybe his only chance for the day, and he would definitely beat himself up over it if he backed out now. "I know who Hawkmoth is. He's-"
Ladybug's eyes snapped to him, then slid over his shoulder towards the still-lingering reporters as she pressed a finger to his lips briefly. "Tell me more once we get up on the rooftops? We can go over a couple blocks so that they don't see us."
That was smart. He had gotten so focused on not chickening out on telling her that he had completely blanked out on being cautious. If any of the civilians nearby overheard them so much as mention that they knew who Hawkmoth was, it would be front-page news by tomorrow, never mind the fact that giving Hawkmoth a heads-up would make the superheroes' job more difficult. And if any reporters heard...
There would be news articles posted online only minutes later.
Chat Noir nodded, waiting for Ladybug to finish answering a final couple questions before following her to the rooftops. He had to give her credit- even though she had to be shocked by the news that he knew who Hawkmoth was, she still managed to flash the reporters her usual smile and wave as they left. Once they had reached a series of rooftops several roads over, Ladybug landed and caught his hand to steady him as he landed. "So you were saying...?"
Chat Noir nodded, taking a deep breath. He had to reach deep inside himself and remember his acting lessons, focusing on not looking affected. "Hawkmoth. His- his son saw him talking to his kwami and, uh, told me. It's Gabriel Agreste."
Ladybug exhaled, long and low. "Ah."
"And Mayura- it has to be his assistant, Nathalie," Chat Noir added. "So. Uh." He fidgeted. "...I don't know where to go from here."
"Well, I think- hmm." Ladybug nibbled on her lip, clearly thoughtful. "It's not great timing, with exams coming up this week, but obviously we don't want to get called away during exams..."
She was handing him the perfect opening, honestly. "He's going to be out of the country this week, actually. Er. Apparently. According to his son."
Ladybug raised an eyebrow. "Actually out of the country or his hologram going out of the country?"
Chat Noir couldn't help but laugh. Everyone had heard about that scandal, apparently. "Actually out of the country. He got so much bad press from that that he wouldn't be able to risk it. Besides, people he meets are going out of their way to shake hands with him to make sure it's actually him."
That got a laugh out of her. "I'm sure he's thrilled about that."
"Oh, no doubt." His father had been steamed by the hologram's failure, and in such a public setting, too. And then for his business associates to be subtly reminding him of the scandal every time they met...
It really was pretty funny.
"So we can wait until after exams," Ladybug decided. "Maybe- if he's traveling, maybe we can get the drop on him when he returns? I mean, he's bound to be jet-lagged, right? And it seems like he wouldn't be expecting it."
"And his assistant takes a vacation after he gets back from his trip," Chat Noir said, remembering that important little detail all of a sudden. Nathalie didn't often take vacations, but she worked so hard on the summer launch and there was always so much company business to deal with at the same time that once everything was done, she took several days off and went out of town to visit family. "Which means no Mayura on hand to provide backup."
Ladybug lit up. "That's perfect! We can deal with one supervillain at a time. Attack Hawkmoth when he won't have Mayura nearby to transform and help, and then maybe Portal and get Mayura before the news can get to her? Then it'll be an ambush attack on both of their parts. We would just need to know where she's going to be."
"Are we going to pull in some of the others?" Chat Noir wanted to know, filing a mental note of ask Nathalie exactly where she's going for later. "If we're attacking when he isn't expecting us, maybe we won't need backup, but just in case..."
"That wouldn't be a bad idea," Ladybug agreed. "Keep them back and out of sight, but with clear instructions and a signal for if we need them to help- it's just a question of who we want."
Chat Noir nodded. "Cobra, maybe? I know he's not come out for a while, but the re-do could be good."
Ladybug worried her lip. "I would, but he's gone to university out of the city. That's a good idea to have the Snake out, though. Maybe one of us could use it. Uh- Seabiscuit? If we need help, he'd get people there fast. And Hornet, for restraint."
"If we could get Seabiscuit to open a portal directly behind Mr. Agreste and have Hornet dive through, the fight could be over before it's even started," Chat Noir pointed out. "It would just be a matter of keeping Mr. Agreste sufficiently distracted."
Ladybug lit up. "I know! We could have Vixen make a Mirage of the two of us out there, battling the akuma. He'll be focused on that, and won't be expecting any sort of attack in his lair."
"And if we Portal in from the wrong direction, we can just reset and try again," Chat Noir agreed. "That is- I'd almost call that deceptively complex, honestly. There's a decent handful of moving parts, but with any luck, it should be over pretty fast."
"We'll have to give everyone their Miraculous before Mr. Agreste gets back, because any delay after the akuma shows up will be suspicious," Ladybug said, frowning in thought. "Not ideal- can you find out when, exactly, he's going to return and when Nathalie will be leaving? We can get the Miraculous out before then, with instructions on what we want people to do and where we're going to meet up on the day of the battle. That way, we won't have to spend as much time explaining everything while the akuma is out and about."
"Yeah." Chat Noir let out a long breath, trying not to let the nerves show. It all felt more real now that they had a plan, and it- it wasn't a bad thing, really. Soon he would be able to go directly to the Dupain-Cheng house and stay there, no sneaking around required.
And he was looking forward to it. No matter what the nerves in his stomach were saying otherwise.
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1-65 will do, please. Thanks fuck face :)
I knew exactly who this was and I was so tempted to not reply, but your punishment is having to read through all my answers and remember them forever or you fail the friend test. To everyone else, please do not click unless you want to be very bored, my answers are not interesting lol
1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you? Nope
2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you? Assuming 5 is the most, 1. Maybe 2.
3. The person you would never want to meet? The person who sent me this (jk I’m excited for our eventual meet up where we hit up a strip club first thing 🙏)
4. What is your favorite word? I answered with ‘conniption’ the other day and still have not found a word I like more.
5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be? Already answered this, fruit tree! I also like palm trees, maple trees, and willow trees. I know that’s not the question, I’m just saying random shit now.
6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought? It took me a long while to remember where I was this morning. I honestly don’t remember, I was rushing to get ready for an early morning meeting.
7. What shirt are you wearing? My Orlando Strong shirt
8. What do you label yourself as? Lesbian
9. Bright room or dark room? Bright room
10. What were you doing at midnight last night? Sleeping? Possibly checking on a feverish little beeb who was going through it with her second dose of the vaccine.
11. Favorite age you’ve been so far? No idea. I like various ages for different reasons, but this age so far is not bad.
12. Who told you they loved you last? Probably my sister 🤷♀️
13. Your worst enemy? The person who sent this ask.
14. What is your current desktop picture? The apple pic of Catalina island that changes based on time of day (yes it’s the default, don’t judge me)
15. Do you like someone? Lol yeah I hope so 😂
16. The last song you listened to? Pretty Girl by Hayley Kiyoko
17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up? Definitely @raginage
18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face? I feel like I can only attack Raginage so many times. Can I pick a fictional character? This week I was real mad at Dave in The Darkness. BaBe!
19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do? Lol no one, you’re talking to a person who feels very uncomfortable with anyone doing anything nice for them.
20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional) Not this again. Last time I said eyes? Still no pics, sorry
21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do? What would I look like? Do I get to design myself like a sim? I honestly don’t know what I’d do because I doubt the world needs another clueless white man walking around, so maybe just stay at home.
22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it? Nope. And my last answer to this was awful. I do think I have a fantastic ability to annoy my friends but in a way that’s just amusing/endearing enough to make them still want to talk to me 😌
23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of? Unique? Uhm well my two big fears are confined spaces and deep water so a submarine is like my worst nightmare.
24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal. Oh this is going to sound so odd. To be clear, I’ve had better sandwiches, but my go-to is provolone, turkey, roast beef, and spicy brown mustard or whole grain mustard. Please don’t judge me.
25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it? Travel budget for future trips to visit my buds and get into trouble and eat food. I know $100 won’t go far, but it’s something.
26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go? Well, after my last answer I want to visit my friends! But there are too many people to visit and I only have one ticket. So change of plans. I’m going on a solo trip to Greece. Or Argentina. Or Iceland. Or Bali. Damn, I’m indecisive.
27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be? Rabble red blend. Just a solid red wine. Also because @viola-lloyds stole my answer the other day (Juneshine; to be fair I asked her this question but whatever) and I don’t want to copy her.
28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place? Oh I answered this one, something about respecting others. Yeah, a nice rule like that. Want to establish some healthy communication on this island.
29. What is your favorite expletive? It’s still fuck
30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno? But what about my PLANTS. Can they count as loved ones? Probably my laptop, I know that’s lame but like...I have a lot of stuff on here. Or the collection of cards I have that my granddad drew little drawings in, I want to get them all framed.
31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? To be honest, I don’t know if I’d change big life events in case it altered the trajectory of where I ended up. So idk maybe the ending of Bly, let’s give those lesbians have a happy ending!
32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world! Italy! But wait, let’s get back to this sleeping with celebrities and super-powers bit...
33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back? Oh that’s a really tough question. I always wanted to meet my great-grandma Olga because she seemed like a really awesome lady.
34. What was your last dream about? I can’t remember, this is bothering me because I wish I could! I’m sorry. My gf recently had a dream where I kissed a dude right in front of her. It made us both very uncomfy lol
35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]? I hate this question because I can only think of one thing.
36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital? For surgery, yeah
37. Have you ever built a snowman? But of course!
38. What is the color of your socks? Not wearing any? I was wearing blue ones earlier. Jfc my answers are so boring.
39. What type of music do you like? Lots! I tend to listen to indie, classic rock, and some pop
40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets? Sunsets!
41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor? Chocolate or a variant (chocolate peanut butter, chocolate caramel)
42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer) LA Rams or Seattle Seahawks. I know they’re in the same division. It’s tough. (Please don’t ask me why these teams)
43. Do you have any scars? Yep, mostly from burning myself on ovens. I simply get too excited for my food.
44. What do you want to be when you graduate? I...have graduated?
45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? Well bestie recently said I have “lesbian hands” and I think that’s code for man hands so maybe that hahaha
46. Are you reliable? I try to be!
47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be? How many more times will I watch The Darkness before I learn my lesson? (Related: When does other bestie finally admit to her fetish?)
48. Do you hold grudges? Not typically, no
49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create? A dog and an otter? Can we domesticate otters? No, a horse and a large bird, create a pegasus and then free travel.
50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had? Oh god. I don’t even know where to start today tbh. Damie and pokemon and cosycon and looming and feet and [redacted] and developing apps for VP. So many fantastic conversations.
In real life, probably the time I was at a laundromat in Italy and this guy wandered in with a beer, sat next to me and my male roommate, assumed we were a couple, and proceeded to give us bizarre life advice. I wish I could remember more of it, but it was so odd.
51. Are you a good liar? Hmm I’m okay at it I think, that is, I can convince people I’m serious when I’m actually joking. But I don’t like actually lying if it’s not just teasing someone.
52. How long could you go without talking? Probably a few days if I had to.
53. What has been you worst haircut/style? The haircut I got before studying abroad! It was too short and I was so sad.
54. Have you ever baked your own cake? For a birthday? No. For fun? Absolutely.
55. Can you do any accents other than your own? Not well, no
56. What do you like on your toast? Butter and/or honey and/or jam
57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of? My beautiful depiction of a scene of chapter one of Private Dancer.
58. What would be you dream car? An electric car of some sort. I don’t know enough about cars tbh
59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain. Nope but sometimes I’ll play music and dance and maybe softly sing.
60. Do you believe in aliens? Yep! Definitely
61. Do you often read your horoscope? Almost never unless someone sends it to me.
62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet? Already answered, A
63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons? Dinosaurs! 🦕
64. What do you think about babies? What do I think about them? They’re pretty cool. Just tiny little humans.
65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of. I was very nice and let you correct your mistake and submit one after the fact:
In your opinion what is the best thing you can cook, like your speciality? My favorite thing to make is pasta, I started making my own sauce and I’d love to make pasta from scratch sometime.
#read up @raginage#this is what you get#responding to these out of spite took far longer than i thought lol
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Couple Theory
Name: Lucy Age: 24 Location: Glebe Occupation: Bush Regenerator Sexual Orientation: Lesbian Gender: Female
Name: Aisling Age: 21 Location: Glebe Occupation: Customer Service Sexual Orientation: Queer Gender: Female
Lucy – I feel like I’m still figuring out how I’m comfortable presenting because I didn’t come out till I was twenty, which was quite a time after I realised I was gay at sixteen. When I moved to Sydney I really wanted to show people that I was queer, and with much of my influence being from the internet, I wore a lot of the stereotypical lesbian clothing I saw on there – mostly sporty sorts of clothing – but as I’ve gone through, whenever I find something that I don’t hate myself in I wear it over and over again until something new comes along. Recently I’ve been vibing with the look of boots, singlet tops, and making my tattoos very visible. I make myself look somewhat unapproachable with my resting face being a frown, and my outfits being if not aggressive, then non-welcoming, but if people do actually come up to me I really want people to like me, so it all falls away.
Aisling – My daily presentation is just the easy T-shirts and jeans, lots of bouldering merch, maybe a button up if I’m being a little fancy, just a classic chapstick lesbian.
Lucy – Where did your inspo for that come from?
Aisling – What? Jeans and a shirt? Does that need inspiration? I guess I tuck my shirt in to make sure its queer? I have a lot of Vans, and a milk crate full of socks I guess. I used to save up money when I was in high school to put towards my first pair of Vans and I was so excited. I think I have twenty pairs now? Lots of converse, runners, and climbing shoes as well. Colourful socks and shoes are my thing I guess.
Lucy – I remember I was sixteen when I realised I liked girls, but I don’t know what triggered it. I think it was something on TV? I think it was an NCIS episode and they had a really awful portrayal of lesbians, who were identified as gay because at the end of the episode they held hands, and that triggered some kind of twinge in my chest that I’d never felt before.
Ailing – That was your gay bone
Lucy – My gay bone?
K – Yeah, your sternum is your gay bone
Ailing – I’ve torn that twice from being too gay
K – you need to remember to stretch before going out and being gay all night.
Lucy – It was a really weird feeling, I didn’t know what it was. I couldn’t stop thinking about it, so I went and found out about the episode, and it was of course one of those “oh no homosexuals are evil” sorts of plots. I think that negative portrayal contributed to my negative feelings about being gay, and being so scared to come out. I don’t know where else that would have come from because my parents never expressed any opinion about homosexuality. Those feelings were confirmed when I had my first crush on a girl in my school. I was nauseous more than anything when I realised it, and I just ignored that feeling for years which isn’t healthy. What helped me overcome it though, as I’m sure helped a lot of people from small towns with not much queer representation was the internet, and YouTubers, The Legend of Korra, and Tumblr. (The ending of Legend of Korra) was ust so beautiful, and so revolutionary as well. I remember seeing the ship of Korra and Asami come up on my tumblr, but it was years before the end fo the show, when it actually happened. I remember watching it on a family holiday trip and had to leave the dining table and I was shaking and crying because it was such a huge, beautiful moment that was probably one of the most significant moments of accepting myself. Looking back I definitely associate that final image of them holding hands before going to the spirit world together with my final stage of accepting who I am.
Moving to Sydney was my time to finally come out and explore. I came out to one of my Canadian exchange friends who was here, and they took me to Birdcage (lesbian nightclub in Sydney) where I met some of my friends. My first time in a queer club was like being surrounded by a family who I felt like I knew even though I hadn’t met any of them. That was also the year that the marriage equality vote was passed, So I took that opportunity to find out what my parents thought about homosexuality by asking them what they were voting for. They both said they were voting yes, which made me feel comfortable enough to come out to them the next week.
I’m still learning what are the most appropriate ways to describe myself and my relationship with myself, and how to present myself to the world. The more I learn, the more I will change the way I present myself, and there is a lot more of myself to explore.
Aisling – I think I was around thirteen or fourteen when I saw the show “faking it” - a show about a girl in high school figuring out her sexuality – and I just noticed that I was relating to every situation that the character was going through, and suddenly realised I was questioning my sexuality. I mentioned it to one of my friends that I used to walk to school with, and she would just keep egging me on with “come on just say it, just say you’re gay its fine”. I came out to her as bi at one stage, but I didn’t like that term, I didn’t like the term lesbian either, and still don’t, I prefer to think of myself as queer, or just gay.
When I actually came out two or so years later, I remember telling my close friend group that I was bi… and then later that week just said “nah I’m gay actually”. It was about 7:30pm, on a Wednesday night, after basketball, in the shower talking to myself saying “im gonna do this, im gonna do this”. Just me and my dad home, I psyched myself up for ages and then walked in and out of the kitchen about five times before going “Dad, I have something to tell you” sweating bullets “Dad, I’m gay la di da.”
Lucy – La di da?
Aisling – yes, Father, it’s la di da for me I’m afraid
Lucy – please put my sexuality down as la di da
Aisling – The first thing he said to me was “yeah I always thought you had a bigger obsession with the female tennis players than the men.” and yeah damn he had me there. I hate that I remember the day and everything… like the first of September 2016?
I moved out from my mum to my dad’s mostly because my mum’s partner at the time was very homophobic, and any dinner conversation would turn to him deriding gay marriage, or coming out with some racist shit. Eventually I decided “this bothers me too much, I’m going to have to say something” and it was… really upsetting when he didn’t agree. So of course I came out to my dad first and made him tell mum, which was then an interesting conversation…
“Your father tells me you’ve told him you’re gay?”
“yep, that’s it”
She contacted my school supervisor that night and told all of my teachers to look out for any homophobic acts towards me, letting them know that I was gay and to look out for me.
Lucy – I feel like together we tick a lot of stereotypes
Aisling – We really do
Lucy – We moved in together really quickly
Aisling – We own a cat together
Lucy – Theres that Subaru…
Aisling – I also had a lot of influence from those same queer YouTubers, and seeing their coming out videos and how free they felt afterwards made me really want to share it.
Immediately after I came out everyone at school was very supportive, like they already knew and assumed I was gay because I was just that sporty chick, so being gay just sorta went with it?
Lucy – I think I looked for validation from my parents. When I came out to mum there was no huge deal made about it, butI think validation from them comes in small snippets. Every time mum sends me something, like recently she arranged her coloured chopping boards into a rainbow and sent me a picture with “these are for you!” it’s very small, but its very significant. When I had a really big hickey on my neck, my dad said
“oh who gave you that on your neck? Does he sleep in a coffin?”
“it was a she actually”
“oh does she sleep in a coffin then?”
he just wanted to channel it into a dad joke, but it was a weird way to come out to him actually.
Aisling – To me the term Queer means “everyone included” even just an ally of the community, or a parent of an LGBT person doing your best to make them feel safe and welcome, you’re welcome in the community you know? By properly supporting something, you become a part of it.
Lucy – For me it’s very similar with those lines of community and family. It can be a label, but I feel that its evolving more into a term that indicates embracing all people. I use it sometimes to refer to a collective group of… well queer people. I refer to my close friends as my queer family.
Aisling – It feels better to use than assuming someone’s sexuality or gender without knowing the specifics.
Lucy – Individually I wouldn’t refer to any of my friends as queer. I know one friend refers to himself specifically as a bisexual, man, rather than a queer person. So I definitely like its a more family, community term, rather than a specific label, though It can still be used as one.
Aisling – I like the term because when I first came out I identified as bi, then gay, then bi, then gay, than they? And it feels more appropriate to use for myself because I’m still working it out, and it can cover a lot. For example I don’t think of myself as completely feminine, but I also don’t like the term non-binary to refer to myself, but the idea of “They” still, rather than just being she/her, I like the idea of she/they. And referring to myself as queer feels more of an accurate description.
Lucy – Ever since moving to Sydney and coming out and going to that first club night I’ve always thrown myself into as many queer events as I possibly could. I want to be able to contribute more to the community rather than just be involved in it, a lot of my friends are very engaged in the queer community, and I feel like I don’t have that level of involvement. I love that I’m never scared or intimidated to go to queer events, by myself or with my friends. Whilst I feel very connected to the queer community, I wish I could be more involved. I’m scared that since my friend group is all finishing university and looking to the future, that I’ll lose that sense of connection as everyone moves away, even though I’m sure we’ll all stay in touch.
Aisling – I feel little to no involvement in the queer community at the moment because I’m focusing so hard on my training. I’m involved with Queer Climbers Sydney though, and am looking to get more involved in the future, as soon as I have the time to do stuff.
Lucy – Challenges facing the queer community here isn Sydney… I feel like we need to create a wider variety of safer spaces in more areas. There’re certain areas of Sydney where queer people I know just don’t feel as comfortable. And the ones we do have are always pubs and clubs. Not to detract from queer nightlife; but having so much of queer culture based around adult only areas reinforces the idea that being gay, or trans, or whatever is an adult thing, and makes it easier for people to excuse restricting education about it to kids, which can be so harmful growing up and not having the education to understand yourself.
Aisling – I feel like theres more acceptance towards gay, lesbian, and bi people. But there’s less of an acceptance of trans people, like they can understand being gay, but they cant seem to understand what a trans person even is, much less how to approach them. Probably need more education about it in schools. More comprehensive sex ed instead of just how to put a condom on a fucking banana.
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Survey #342
“in this farewell, there’s no blood, there’s no alibi / ‘cuz i’ve drawn regret from the truth of a thousand lies”
What’s your all-time favourite cartoon? Does anime count? In which case I'd say Fullmetal Alchemist, or the original Pokemon. If we're not including anime, then uhhhh Avatar: The Last Airbender, even though I have much more to go in the series. Have you ever taken dance lessons? What kind? Yeah, I've done a few for many years: jazz, clogging, modern, and hip hop. When did you last run and why? I literally couldn't tell you. I don't even know if I can run with the current state of my legs. My knees would probably crumple. Does your house/flat/whatever the hell you live in need cleaning? Not necessarily cleaning, but sorting. I still have boxes outside and inside my room of my stuff I need to put up somewhere... but whenever I prepare to do it, I just get so overwhelmed and shy away from it. Then there's the spare room, that's a total mess loaded with boxes and the like. Mom and I have just avoided it like the plague. Was your last relationship with a man or a woman? Woman. What do you think your next achievement will be? HOPEFULLY getting a job... Do you like mushrooms? NOOOOOOO. What dream do you remember most vividly? I'm not talking about it. Favorite kind of bread? Pumpernickel. Rabbits or hamsters? Rabbits. I've never met a nice hamster, and I just think rabbits are cuter. A movie you’ve never seen that it seems like every one else has? Harry Potter films. Favorite dog breed? I'm biased towards beagles. When was the last time you climbed a tree? Never, actually. Where I live, there aren't really many weighty trees with low branches. Just pine trees. Most common lie you tell? That I'm "fine" when I'm not. Ever seen your parents make out? Jc no, I'll take a hard pass there. Do you put your hair up a lot or down? It's too short to put up. Most of the time do you straighten or curl your hair? Neither. What piercing do you hate? I'm not a fan of cheek dermals at all, but you do you 100%. Were you raised in a religious house? Yes; I was raised Roman Catholic. Do your parents get mad when you're on the computer for hours? Mom used to for many years until I became an adult and she just realized it was in vain. I haven't lived with Dad since I was a teenager, but when my parents were together, he usually didn't say anything. Have you ever been asked for a nude picture? No, thankfully. I'd stop talking to the person immediately. What would you do if your parent hit you? I honestly feel like I'd slap them back and get the fuck out. Or just freeze in shock and cry. What's your most common mood? Stressed but distracted. Do you like poems? Yeah, usually. Ever kissed someone half-naked? Uh yeah. Have you ever been in a parade? No. Do you still play Pokémon? I play Pokemon GO, and I've actually been tempted to get out my DS and play one of the games I have (I can't remember which). I do find Pokemon games to be VERY grind-ey, though, so I can't play them for too long without getting bored. What is your favorite Pokémon? Ninetales. I also really love Espeon, though, and Charmander will always have my heart. Is there an animal you like that most people don't? Bats! :') Is there an animal that you think is overrated in terms of how it's liked? No animal is overrated. Have you ever "quit" a site and came back to it more than once? Uhhhh I don't think so. Do you have an "odd" fascination with anything? Most would probably consider "vulture culture" to be pretty weird, being drawn to dead animals and all... What's the hardest thing you've been through, & what did you learn from it? The breakup with Jason. I learned that some people make promises they aren't afraid to break, that someone can promise "forever" and not mean it, that the most unexpected can just snap their fingers and forget about you... I learned a lot. And most things, not positive. What are three "unrealistic" things you want most? 1.) To be able to financially support myself by just freelance nature photography; 2.) sooo many different kinds of pets; and 3.) to be totally rid of my mental illnesses. Do you take any daily vitamins? No, but I would if I was the one who bought groceries and stuff. I do however take Vitamin D once a week for my legs. Who are three of your favorite fictional characters of all time? JUST THREE??????? FUCK MAN idk. Uhhh well there's of course Darkiplier and Wilford Warfstache, then uhhh probably Pyramid Head. If you had to give the world a pre-existing mythological/fictional being, what would it be? Idk, I'd really need to be more educated on their lore before I made that decision. Do you have any desire to learn (a) foreign language(s)? Which? I both do and don't want to resume learning German. I got very good at it and could have basic conversations, but lack of application has slaughtered my vocabulary. Now it's like, it'd be nice to try again, but for what purpose? I don't think I'll ever actually apply it to my life, so it just seems like it'd be a load of wasted effort. But then on the other hand, I also feel that doing something you simply want to do isn't a waste of time. Idk. What is one of your firmest beliefs? Equality for all. No race, religion, whatthefuckever makes you more or less valuable than someone else. Do you have anything that keeps you from doing something you'd truly enjoy? Oh yes. Depression and anxiety, mostly. Do you work to fix your faults? Or at least, admit to them? I definitely try, and I'll certainly admit to them. How do you hope the world will change, if at all? I just want more compassion, less violence, more understanding... What is/are your view(s) on god, religion, spirituality, or relations to? In short, I believe that something sentient created the universe, and it/they/he/she/what-have-you just... let life play out from there, I think. I like to believe there's a plane of consciousness like an afterlife that exists, but if not, I don't really care. I hope the evil get what was coming to them, and the good get back what they gave, but maybe we're all better off without life after death. We'll all find out one day. Are you arachnophobic or scared of spiders in the least? Some, yes; others, not so much. This is very situational. Do you play WoW? What do you think of it either way? Haha, you're asking an avid player. I enjoy it, but not as much as I used to. At one point I was a Heroic raider, sometimes dabbling in Mythic, but now I'm just mostly a casual mount collector that likes chatting with my guildies and just doing dailies 'n shit. I owe a lot to the game, honestly; it helped me stay occupied throughout the breakup, and still today gives me something to do. What kind of computer do you have? Windows 7/Vista/XP/Other? I have an Acer Nitro with Windows 10. Are you taking any interesting classes in school/do you not attend? I'm no longer in school. If you don't attend, are you taking any "lessons" for anything? No, but I would like to join a photography course somewhere. A book/piece that has had an exceptional impact on your life? Johnny Got His Gun by Dalton Trumbo just made me hate war more than I innately did. What genres of music are your favorite? Just metal as an umbrella term. Some heavy stuff, some less, some in the middle, some leaning towards other genres... but I just like metal. Do you think that fate plays a part in people's lives? No. Wouldn't "fate" just make it all... worthless? Like we're just storybook characters with a predetermined ending? What are your opinions on the media? One word: manipulative. What's a piece of technology you'd like to own? I REALLY want a PS4, especially lately. There's just a lot of games I REALLY want to play. Are you afraid of technology developing to where we're too reliant on it? We're already *too* reliant on it, which I do believe is a bad thing. I know, absolutely hysterical for me to be talking. What's your favorite odd ice cream flavor? I don't think I've ever had a truly odd ice cream flavor. There's this local place though that makes a kind that tastes JUST like s'mores, and I can fucking murder a cup of that. What's your opinion on stereotypes/labels? They're limiting and devalue uniqueness, imo. I know very, very few people who totally fit a certain stereotype, so why even bother. Like I don't care if you use them as adjectives to some extent, just don't put too much weight on them. Just be you. Do you believe that history repeats itself? It's not necessarily doomed to, but it happens sometimes, obviously. Would you rather learn from your mistakes or just undo them? Depends on the mistake. What was the most interesting class you had in school? Probably Mythology in high school. Do you write? If so, what? Yeah, meerkat role-play. And every now and again, poetry. Do you have a favorite culture? No; I'm not educated on nearly enough to pick one. Do you believe in global warming? Have you researched it? Lol no shit I do. I don't exactly think it takes much research to see with your own two eyes that it's factual. Do you prefer piercings or tattoos? Tattoos, if I had to pick. What comedy movie is your favorite? White Chicks. Have you ever meditated? Yes. Doesn't work for me. What comes to mind when you think of a great moment in your life? Realizing it was my choice to liberate myself and my happiness from my ex. He didn't and never should've carried it, because that's my right. What do you like about springtime? Aaaaall the flowers. <3 How have you handled having to stay in? It's not really different from my average day, so... How would your friends describe you? Quiet and overthinks literally everything. Have you ever hallucinated? When I was coming off a certain med in middle school, I saw black moving shadows. What (or who) is the best thing that ever happened to you? The partial hospitalization program I attended for two months following my suicide attempt. It's where I met my psychiatrist, who set my medication straight. Medicine besides though, I learned so many coping techniques and just how to deconstruct my trauma. As well as possible, anyway. What is the worst decision you ever made? Handing over the ability to make happiness for myself to another person. What is your favorite arcade game? Don't have one. Do you feel neglected? No. What school subject(s) are/were your best? English, Arts, Science. Are you allergic to pollen? Yep. What style of wedding dress do you like best? Probably ballgown. Are you over your first love? I probably never will be in complete totality. Do you always answer your phone? No. I only ever do if I recognize the number. Who was the last person you know to have a birthday? Today is actually my sister's birthday. What song is currently stuck in your head? I have Halocene's cover of "What I've Done" on a loop right now. It has me absolutely covered in goosebumps. Do you ever use coloring books? Not really anymore. Do you personally know anyone who is an author? Not to my knowledge, no. What’s your favorite kind of salsa/dip to go with tortilla chips? Just your normal, mildly hot salsa. Do you wash your car by hand or drive through a car wash? Mom's car hasn't been washed in... well, years, given its bumper. Mom worries that in a car wash, it'll be broken off (it is literally held on with a lot of zip ties and duct tape), and we ourselves don't want to wash it, so... Do you have any uncommon kitchen appliances, such as espresso machines, waffle irons, etc? I know we have one or two, but idk what they're called. What did your parents major/minor in in college, if they went? Dad never went to college. Mom changed her major a few times, but her latest was social work, I believe. Has either of their careers influenced what career you chose or want to pursue? Not at all. What kind of natural disaster is most common where you live? Hurricanes. Why is your least favorite season your least favorite? Because it's hot as fuck and humid. Have you ever had an animal get into your attic? No. When was the last time you started a “new chapter” of your life? I don't know. Hopefully I'll start one soon when I leave PHP and pursue a job... What room in your home do you spend the least amount of time in? I'm always in my room. Do you do anything to reduce the amount of electricity you use? I feel awful admitting I do quite the opposite... Being in the dark during the day affects my depression, so I'll have my lamp (or both) on even if it's just sort of shaded inside. Are you usually open to trying a new food that you aren’t familiar with? Eh, it depends on the food. I'm not very adventurous with foods though. Do you listen to Panic! At The Disco? I do. Have you ever had a kinky dream about a celebrity? ... It wasn't "kinky," but it was a dream lmao. Has anyone ever told you that they loved you, and you couldn’t say it back? That's how I ended the whole Joel childishness. Which friend do you confide in most? My mom. Do you wear a cross? No. What is your favorite doughnut? That's so hard. :( Krispy Kreme's normal glazed though probably takes the cake. I also love chocolate frosted and just totally plain, though. Do you have a hot tub? If so, where is it located? No. Did you read the Twilight series, or jump on the bandwagon after the movie? Neither. Do you or your parents rake your yard? Dad did growing up. Now nobody does or needs to. Who did you last go to the movies with? Dad, I think? What color was the last vehicle you were in? White. Do you have any family members in the military right now? No. Is there a ceiling fan in the room you’re in? Yeah. Have you ever heard voices? No. If you’re not straight, who was the first person you came out to? Sara. Do you remember the first time your first crush ever said hi to you? No. Do you ever go places with wet hair? Yeah, idc. Who is your favorite little girl? My nieces. What do you want the most in life? To feel like I made a difference, even a tiny one. If you could have anyone’s singing voice, whose would you choose? OBVIOUSLY Amy Lee's. What’s the most expensive thing you’ve bought that turned out to be a waste of money? *shrug* What’s something you’ve bought that turned out to be way more useful than you anticipated? Hm. Have you ever been on a ship? No. Would you ever date a disabled person? (Be honest) Yes. Would you rather adopt or have your own child? IF I wanted kids, which I absolutely do not, I'd rather have my own. I know I'd feel a deeper connection. What would you class as cheating on someone? As soon as you do/say something you don't want your s/o to know about, you're cheating. As far as earrings go, would you rather wear hoops or studs? Studs. Do you recycle? Yes. If someone dislikes you, what is most likely to be the reason? People have thought I don't try hard enough before. Do you put a line through your "7"s? Yes. ^ What about your "Z"s? Yes. What are you most known for? My art "skill," at least irl. How do you feel about shameless self-promoting? Depends on when, where, and how. As someone who's trying to be a freelance photographer, I get that it's sadly necessary, but there are some places it's just uncalled for.
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9 - Behind his Shadow
The temperature changed. It was a fickle thing in the massive tunnels that made up the sewer, the warm air clinging to my shoulders while small drafts drifted through my sleeves causing me to shiver. I remained crouched for several minutes listening keenly for the corridor and the thing through the grate, I’m not sure what I was waiting for. Or if I was aware that I had been waiting for some time before the small spark of a nerve pulsed up my spine.
I needed to keep moving. Whatever was there I was either following it or barely staying ahead of it, couldn’t decide which it was. Either I’d stumble into it or linger too long in one area, and that would inadvertently allow it to reach me before I had time to realize I had been hunted all along.
I wobbled as I rose to my feet and took some small steps toward the corner of the tunnel, watching the dark shades beyond the large grate with avid caution. What happened to the person that looked down upon me? The path on my right was open for exploration.
My nerves were too high strung, in the hollow quiet I startled myself back when my foot broke the surface of the water with a soft swish. I backed away and rolled my eyes, though my jumpiness couldn’t be discredited. But still, I was spooked by my own footsteps!
A plate on the wall indicated Administration Block on the right with an arrow to clarify this. I really didn’t have any options, my only comfort came that this path would not branch out into additional tunnels and I couldn’t possibly get lost down here. Given, there was a way out and my batteries would last.
Originally I had wanted to pause and wring out the excess water from my coat as best I could, but I didn’t want to stay stationary longer than necessary. It clung to me like a soggy glove, at least the sewers were warm with decay, only upside here. It was well received given circumstances.
The tunnel was dim with enough light I didn’t need my camera, I carried it beside my hip for the comfort of it. The tunnel curved and I followed it into a well-lit channel with large drain pipes beneath the floor, grated over and filled to the brim with thick runoff. The cooler air settled low, generating a murky steam that clung to everything and swirled around my shoulders as I cut through it. With no area visible to hide enemies I jogged along taking in the constructive details of the abandon sewer.
It looked like railing was installed along the side, or guardrails for the workers that had to come down when it was flooded. Support beams ran across the ceiling every few feet, but didn’t seem to help much in preventing cave-ins. At the end of the channel was another collapse, I was approaching it when a light flittered through blinding me.
A soft voice hummed out, I wasn’t sure if I should retreat now or wait. He was on the other side of the fallen debris, unless there was an access through on the open tunnel to the right. The song sounded familiar but against the echoing walls I couldn’t decide if it was ‘Father’ Martin, or one of his disciples. It didn’t sound like him….
“Till all the lambs in the church of god…”
I couldn’t make out what he was saying at this distance. He had already taken off, on the other side of the tunnel I saw his light glitter as he ran and his feet chopped up the shallow water. The song was somehow depressing. Maybe because of the ‘Father’ Martin’s Gospel of Sand, or maybe seeing the man down searching as I was for his own way out, armed with only a flashlight.
I kept to the left and strained to see through the vapor where he might have gone, the tunnel had a neighboring channel but I didn’t have any ambition to explore that side further. The forgotten corpse of Murkoffs doctors lay dissolving in the drainage gutter, even from where I stood I could pick up the heavy fumes of his bloated body.
A door waited innocently at my backside. I tried the handle half expecting it to be broken or locked, but the knob gave with no effort and I entered to find a patient hidden behind a shelf near the back. I must’ve looked shocked by his presence as he held up his arms and backed away.
“You don’t have to be scared of me. I can tell we’re the same. You still know what’s real.”
I stepped out of the room to glance around and return my eyes to the patient, before reentering and shutting the door behind. This was the first human in this place to actually comfort me, and not sound creepy about it. First person to attempt a conversation with me.
“Do you mind if I film you?” I held up my camera, keeping my distance.
“Not at all. Go ahead. I’d actually prefer it.” I raised the camera and zoomed in on him framing his head and shoulders nicely. He looked no different from the dozens of unaccounted victims, his face ruined by malpractice, scars up and down his arms. But he was fully clothed.
“The doctor’s dead, you know that, right? Dr. Wernicke.” I nodded. “Died before he even started working here.” He pinched the bridge of what remained of his nose between his fingers as though recalling some detail, or harmed by the recollections. “What kind of experiments does a dead doctor perform on living patients? That’s the question.”
“I found the obituary.”
“Yeah.” To me it sounded like he didn’t credit this fact too much. “A few of us have seen it too, a little proof he’s never been here.” He glanced at the shelf beside him and ran a finger along its metal support. “Doesn’t change what he’s done.”
“But…he’s dead, isn’t he? It’s on file.” My breath hitched when he gave me a venomous look, but it dissolved and he turned away toward a mattress abandoned on the floor behind him. He curled up on its filthy surface and turned his back to me.
The interview was over.
“The Patients know Dr. Wernicke is dead. One asks me, ‘What kind of experiments does a dead doctor perform on living patients?’ What is PROJECT WALRIDER?”
I examined the room lightly without disturbing him, and always kept my attention trained to any sort of sound he would make, pausing when his breathing wheezed or the broken springs of the mattress shifted. There was no visible aid, aside from some cracked shelving and a vent that might’ve led to better venues - I couldn’t reach it. There was only a ladder in the center of the floor leading down a short ways. I secured the camera and climbed the rungs, that familiar scent of copper whirled around me and I anticipated what would meet me.
The sewage in the drain gutter was a soft rose color, the sharp scent of death thick in the humid tunnel. It was fresh otherwise it would have diluted out by now. All the screaming I’d heard in the upper level?
I shivered as I pulled up the camera but decided not to film, instead I held it between my palms and stared into the water. What was PROJECT WALRIDER? kept ringing through my thoughts. What was the screaming I heard? What happened to those people? It could’ve been Chris Walker. Maybe I misheard them, others had expressed fears in his violent tendencies, I must’ve misheard them. But I couldn’t stop shaking. My coat was damp and cool, my nerves were shot. I needed to keep moving, keep my mind focused on what was around me.
Across from my position a plate was fixed on the wall that labeled the contrary directions to take, the Male ward to the left and the Female ward to the right. I glanced down at the river of swirling red before I set my foot on the side of the gutter and teetered, beside a metal gate. The Male ward was where I needed to be, I think. I wasn’t sure anymore, I could’ve as easily headed to the right if I thought there was a way out through the Female section but…I didn’t want to see what that area had to offer. I didn’t want—
A body flopped down from above nearly on top of me. I pivoted sloshing through the metallic froth back to the direction where the Female ward was, only to turn the bend and find a solid metal gate. I wasn’t satisfied to turn back yet, not until I took the handle and fought to turn it. The latch was solid, my only course obvious.
I switched between breathing through my mouth or through my nose, the stench sought my senses no matter what, I could hardly bear it. Halfheartedly I attempted to walk on the side of the drainage gutter out of the liquid, if only to settle my conscience. The body that impacted the cement looked torn and twisted in bizarre ways and his arm looked infected, possibly blood poisoning but I was no doctor. I couldn’t tell if he was this mangled before he fell, or whatever killed him had maimed him.
I was better off never knowing.
As I passed under the huge drain he fell from, I could see the grate above had been removed and the bright light from the upper floors descended unrestrained. Light was still my enemy, but it was hard not to take comfort in its strong brilliance.
I checked the charge on my camera as I continued into the darker portions of the tunnel, stunned to find it nearly half dead. That was a good battery, I had seen it when I put it in. Or wasn’t it? I wasn’t sure. But if I needed my night vision down here for prolonged periods at a time, it might be on its lowest functions.
It must’ve been the chill. The cold had a tendency to drain battery life fast. But, no…the sewers were at times stifling, almost unbearably so in my damp coat.
The cadence of gushing water traveled around the next corner, elevating my anxiety further. The fore sound could cloak a stew of early warnings from feet to voices, or other unnamed things. I squatted behind some waterlogged crates stacked at the edge, and glanced over them when I saw red splatters. Slowly I eased around the side and peered into a foggy tunnel muddled by failing lights, but enough visibility was there to utilize the zoom on my camera. I couldn’t make out movement, even with the running water dividing my attention. A new scene of horror awaited me.
I slipped around the boxes keeping low, and moved to the opposite side of the channel in an effort to avoid further soaking. Water spewed from a broken water valve of a large pipe connected between the floor and ceiling, I didn’t bother to check it as my eyes focused on the red splattered on the walls and floor. It looked like someone had been straining chunky human pieces from the large drainage pipes in the ceiling, the sides splattered with bright globs of black and red. It was all spilling from the rim of the gutter into the water staining it the crimson hue. Beneath the surface I could view small fish like things squirming about, as persistent as the flies burrowing into soggy guts or body parts.
I closed my eyes and swallowed, I could feel myself shaking harder as I lowered my arms beside me. This nightmare looked recent, it smelled fresh and raw. I had memories as a kid, being with my dad at the local butchers as he cut up the hindquarters of a hog. This reminded me sharply of that. Of all those times.
Maybe after this I’d turn vegan. I never was a big fan of steak.
There was no end to it as I moved through the tunnel, blood was stained up the walls, and pieces of inner organs left strew over pipes and crates lining the gutter. Each drain I passed under had blood running down its interior, more innards, or large sheets of skin imbedded with bone. A leg bobbing in the drain still had blood seeping from the stump, as the little black sewer guppies thrashed into their meal.
Finally, a full human body was laid dead in the bend of the tunnel. I didn’t care to identify his death, I continued and placed myself on the side of the gutter. The channel darkened and a cold draft crept through my coat, I was forced to use the camera to keep from stumbling on the slick sides.
Something hissed ahead of me. I sighed irritated by how jumpy I was, given I was still alone, it was just a pipe—
A thick splash sent cold beads of water through the bars. I retreated a few steps and gazed through the visor, seeing nothing but a sturdy grate where the movement had occurred. The bloated body of a Murkoff researcher was crammed against the bars, some of the skin exposed at his neck and face had been disturbed by the sudden kick in the water and floated freely from the muscles of his skull. Above, or around me there was that same sound, ball bearings rattling through pipes. I turned my camera filming wherever I thought the sound twittered though there was nothing to see, the noise sent shivers up my spin. Or it could’ve been the sudden chill locked in the stale air. Couldn’t stop here.
Need to keep moving. Had to escape. Thoughts of Chris and what he could do to me vanished completely with the presence of this ‘unknown.’ I wasn’t sure what I was running from, only that I somehow kept out of its line of sight. Dumb luck.
I entered an intersecting tunnel on my right but drew back, there was light ahead but the sounds were still present, sounded like it had filtered out of the pipe and was now crashing around behind the door in the tunnels side. The uproar grew in volume as whatever tore the room apart, shelves cracked as all manner of furniture was flung about. The metal barrier quivered and my breath came labored, I wasn’t sure if I was actually experiencing this. How did it get from here to that room?
I took small steps forward, before springing away for no real reason other than my fear of the sounds and I recalled the slaughter. I could almost hear it now, shrieking voices of the deranged as skin was peeled back and bones cracked. Then all at once everything ceased and silence saturated the calm tunnel.
It felt like I was in some sort of danger, though no visible evidence was present to suggest this notion. The air was filled with the metallic reek and rot of old sludge, I could almost pick up the soft warble of water spilling down cobblestone. I felt my heart sank as I realized it could just as easily be blood spilling from a ruined neck.
I debated trying the handle to see what was in there. The highest probability would be its displeasure with the intrusion, followed by my abrupt death. In the dark red liquid of the gutter I could see the drains grate was removed from the wall, a possible means to get away from this area. For a moment I couldn’t move, my eyes flashed to the silent door with its unassuming threat.
Quickly I zipped along the far side of the wall across from the door and gently stepped into the rosy liquid, there was no sound as I shuffled along in the cramped space in the dark. I choked on that thick oil reek as I felt about, feeling light headed with the sudden collision. My camera was also getting low on power, but I insisted on using every last bit of what it had. I still only had two more batteries, and one I was certain was on half power. My leg stung as I bore my grungy pants into the wounds with the chilled water, I shifted my weight and adjusted the camera in my hand before I could fall over. This drain lacked the curving edges I could rest my hand upon to keep my balance, as it was I could barely keep my knees and lower edges of my coat dry. I felt an immediate difference in temperature the moment I entered, the air was cold and calm causing my shoulders to ache as I trembled uncontrollably.
The small tunnel felt near endless in the consuming black, the edges of the green night vision made it more oppressive than should be possible. What was only mere seconds felt like ages, until I reached a fork. I attempted the one side that curved left, only to find it dead end at a sturdy grate. Returning to the original route, I made certain where I was headed before trying the other side.
When the patients came down here earlier, they might have removed some of these grates together for shorter routes. As long as the path was open, I was obligated to take it. Every wrong turn wasted battery life and I attempted to conserve the energy by switching the NV off whenever possible, but in the black slate of nothing I felt the patient approach of something deadly.
I crawled out into a small room, a pump station. It was drained, perhaps by the patients that came through or what was left of the staff still surviving this madness. Some crates sat stacked in the diluted blood channel, and large pipes bore down through the grates upon which I stood, separating me from a nasty swim. The thick fumes of oil and gas filled my lungs and the water I stood in had that translucent, iridescent sheen of chemical residue. Neglected machinery, yet still worked long after abandonment. Some miracle.
I put the camera away, with such nice lighting I just should. The rail ahead was within arm reach if I jumped, and climbed over rather struggle between the bars. A set of shelves at the opposite side of the room were loaded with tools and parts, and some cans of oil. Two doors on either wall indicated the only options out of this room, if they were unlocked.
I tried the one nearest to me set on the solid cement floor, its appearance almost pleasant against the cold brick. Behind the door was a wall of black, which would take me somewhere worthwhile I decided that instant. The air within felt sharp and chilled, unlike the humid sewers.
The other door may have accessed the room I was locked from, as with it something dangerous and incomprehensible. I doubted it, but decided not to risk it. Strange shuffling and scratching sounds came from the other side, I had no wish to meet its gaze and learn its nature. I slipped into the dark chill of the next channel, and shut the door.
Best leave some mysteries, my sick curiosity was going to be the death of me.
I was upon a high grated walkway, without the night vision I could feel the danger press close into me. Decay, mildew, and every manner of disease. My finger with the missing nail was in a good deal of pain, easily ignored but a frequent reminder whenever I fumbled with the cameras operations.
The path to my right was loaded with boxes, a precarious place to climb for a view if they gave out and I fell into god knows what below. When I checked over the side I could make out the walls of metal sheeting gapped for water flow and ruined by corrosion of the mountains natural minerals, the oily water rippled with garbage from the main ward. I was vaguely reminded of Star Wars, and half expected some unknown monster lurking in the depths to coil about my leg and drag me downwards to jaws lined with thousands of tiny teeth.
I laughed at this. My laughter echoing off the great expanse of this chamber, deep into the dark, lost in this hell hole. Somewhere out there a patient was laughing with me. I swore I could hear him.
Or maybe that was my echo.
My knees gave out and I slumped to them lowering the camera beside me, but never letting go of it. I laughed until my sides ached and I tasted that copper residue in my mouth once more. I had fallen to deep chuckles before I started to cough on the foul air, then I flopped to my good side and lay there snickering quietly to myself on the frigid bridge.
What an idiot I was coming to this place! “The story that breaks these bastards.” Weren’t those my exact words? Don’t quote me on that. Looks like I got what I was looking for, fuckin’ story of the century, and Murkoff’s crushing demise. They looked pretty broken to me, but maybe I wasn’t squinting right. I should get that in fine print, signed by Dr. Wernicke himself. Oh the irony he died before this place flipped its lid.
I waited till I had control again before attempting to rise, I didn’t need to buckle over the rail and make a graceless swan dive.
The path going left looked clear, but the rail was shattered to some distance. With no better option I bit down on my reservations and dropped into the water, prepared for the jolt though not taking it as well as I had hoped. I murmured to myself as my sides settled and I continued, camera held near my face as I waded through chest deep water. It had the sharp rust smell, that was more metallic than blood, the pipes around here were made of zinc I thought. Probably wrong, I wasn’t a plumber and I wouldn’t tell one how to do his job before I researched it.
I stopped and listened when I heard something that sounded like hissing, or grinding. The way echoes twisted between the distant walls….maybe it was shrieking? Maybe I was shrieking and wasn’t aware of it.
To reassure myself I touched my lips with my hand, never once considering how filthy my fingers were after I had been crawling down in the gutters. In about five minutes it would come back to me. I took a shaky breath to smooth my frayed nerves but it didn’t help at all. I tried not to bite down on my tongue to prevent my teeth from chattering, in the event something did surprise me, I’d wind up biting off my tongue.
In the dark a shape flittered by, startling me back a step. I gazed at it until my eyes told my brain what it was, just a scrap of blanket from somewhere. I hated this place. It was obvious by now.
I searched around the small channel, not sure what to make of this area. I decided not to worry about it. There were large grates, massive, separating this area from the channels I might have viewed or come through. There was no way into them. I hurried my movement, struggling to build a mental map of where I was going and prevent wasting the battery by getting turned around. The chamber was extending beyond the dividing sections and cement walls far spread enabling me from following one side without losing too much power in the process. I ventured into a small area open by a tear in the steel mesh, but found nothing other than a cluster of crates and some magazines that dissolved around my coat.
My battery was done, and I was forced to change it out. The next one was full power, good to get me out of here. Just had to find somewhere to get too.
When I returned to the area I had just left, I noted a stack of crates beneath a broken rail. It’s connector. I climbed the crates and dragged myself up onto the path, or what was left of it. A few steps and I was already splashing below in the next channel, wading along with water bubbling into my coat. I supposed I was looking for ways to get up and walk on these broken paths to reach a door or ladder, anyway to get out of here. Good plan. I had a good sense of direction on me, so long as I didn’t overthink which way I was facing. If I memorized where I came from and kept my back to the drop or path, then I could navigate across the murky waters with a good mind where the next catwalk would appear.
As I was moving the same clatter of pellets in a pipe twittered off the fences and walls. I checked the ceilings and zoomed to locate large pipes hung above, it was difficult to follow a direction consistently. I also wasn’t certain if I wanted to follow that eerie sound, I was trying to keep avoid it.
After walking halfway around the small pool I located the grated steps leading up to my next pathway. One way was the broken remains of the metal bridge, the other took a sharp right. I walked along, wrenching back when a form came into view. Just a cold body slumped on the rail, I lowered the camera to rub my face with my hand. When I pulled my hand back I held it out straight and viewed it through the NV feed of the visor. My hand was trembling like an addict suffering heavy withdrawals. I didn’t feel frightened here despite the odd sounds and the lurking threat, I was just cold. It was very cold and I was trembling.
I turned the camera back on the patient. It was a rather odd place to die, I gave the corpse plenty of space as I passed. The small detail that I was viewing murdered patients in the sewers was not missed, it could mean a number of things. They were lost down here due to ‘Father’ Martins guidance, and the big fucker had found them. Or, the remaining survivors of the staff had retreated down here, and were defending themselves from the variants. While the latter speculation seemed the most plausible, I doubted it. I had already accepted that everyone affiliated with Murkoff for whatever reason, had been killed. And nothing could change that.
The catwalk came to its inevitable end, and I was certain I heard something glide through the liquid below. It was only fair to note that at this point I was disturbed, and I couldn’t tell if my mind was playing tricks on me or if there was really something lurking below in the untold depths.
Star Wars.
The water swirled about me when I plopped in, and I took a moment to check the power on the battery before continuing. I was stunned to find it half done. What was this? I found these batteries abandoned throughout this place, had they lost most of their juice exposed the way they were?
For now it would hold, I’d worry over it later. Probably when it was too late.
I swore I felt the water ripple around my chest. Maybe my movement caused ripples that returned to me. Echo ripples? Seemed logical. I needed to get out of here before something did drag me under and drowned me. I kept walking, careful steps and slow movements, try not to disturb the surface too much. The silence grew thunderous as my heart pumped in my chest, I was completely and totally alone here in this channel.
The water burst in front of me spraying the camera as with my face with an icy sheet, it successfully spooked me into a full retreat. It was nothing I assured, after I had calmed myself and gawked back at the burbling surface. There was nothing there, no one in the water. Just…something from the ceiling. Worn brick, or that nasty shit. Fuck, a decapitated head, none of those things could consciously hurt me.
Another walkway curved overhead to the right, it felt like I had gone in a complete circle only because I didn’t trust the stability of some boxes. I could see no boxes from where I was stationed below. I grunted and hauled myself up, bringing the camera back to my face as I took the path. A few feet and I found an innocent looking door to my left, the slim crawl of light at the bottom crack. The hinges stuck and creaked as forced it open, only to meet a despairing sight.
The room was empty aside from a bare utility shelf, some plywood, and a man slumped in the furthest corner. A thin black puddle had formed under him, indicating an advanced post mortem state. At his hand was a wrinkled notepad suffering water damage, and the remains of a brown crayon.
I gave the body a distrustful glare before I stepped forward and took up the pad. The writing was mostly eligible, only because crayon was waterproof, but it had not taken well to wet paper I surmised.
“Already weak, cold. It’s still bleeding but it doesn’t hurt anymore and I almost have quiet. I can’t hear the Walrider anymore. Maybe the therapy is wearing off, I can’t remember the dreams. Said I could earn my release from this place by submitting to the therapy. Lies. Of course they were lying. It was not therapy. We were sacrificed to conjure a demon. Please, let there be no more dreams. The only hel….”
Out of habit I flipped the page over to see if there was more, but the writing had a thick crescent mark trailing off the unfinished word.
I returned my gaze to the dead man. One patient had said there were no experiments, but rituals, and had called it a ‘conjuring.’ What exactly did the experiments for Project Walrider entail?
But who did this man refer to? Murkoff, or ‘Father’ Martin. ”Accept the Gospel, and all doors will open”’ What was the therapy he referred to? The mutilation each patient bore? Too many new questions, not enough answers. Even the authentic documents Murkoff published made little more sense than the patients statements.
I recorded the note, doubting even with the descent light of the room that it would be eligible, but I went ahead and tore off the page and folded it up to slip into my notebook. My coat wasn’t waterproof, but the pocket I kept perishable items in was lined with a water repellent material that kept them safe. A bit of liquid did seep through the zipper, but it was more than my body could say.
I shut the door and resumed on the walkway, only to find its sudden end. I splashed into another channel coughing at the odd shift in my ribs, it didn’t hurt but tickled more like I had a mild cough. I waded around the perimeter but located no visible way to exit here, nor an overhead path. Off on the side I climbed out on a wide drainage chute to take a moment and exchange out the battery. For a moment I listened to the water drip off my coat and trickle into the large body below, aside from this the chamber was total silence, even the rattle of needles had faded away leaving the echoing vibrations of the solitary water rippling against metal sheeting.
The battery was a half dead one as well. Might as well use it while things felt calm, I’d have to tread cautiously and maybe give this one up early if I wandered near danger. Though, the way my batteries were dying, it seemed inevitable that I would change it soon.
With no visible exit here, I decided to backtrack. I must have missed something. An opening probably, skipped in the poor NV quality. Excuses, excuses. I chided myself for being so careless, even distracted as I was I needed to pay attention to my surroundings or I wouldn’t survive much longer. I shuddered at the thought as I slipped into the cold channel. It was just cold.
I returned to the previous pool, before had I climbed up into the catwalk with the dead patient. I scoured the perimeter over wasting precious battery life, before I decided to climb that damn drainage chute with the grate. I had missed a small opening in the side, looked like someone had kicked it out with fire. I crawled into the next channel, chamber, flow - whatever, and stepped down into water that was not quite as deep. It was freezing though, I was shaking so hard the images of the visor were not clear enough to see until I had paused to get my quakes under control.
Felt like my knees were numb, but it did ease the pain in my chest. I was going to be a female before the end of this. Damn.
I tried along the outer wall locating all the discarded papers, folders, cans, and cardboard. My pulse quickened and I was trembling harder than before, I found out why as I turned the camera. Rotted decapitated heads floating at the sides. I could see the heads due to the eyes, eyes always glowed. I hated that. Somehow my peripheral vision had picked up on them before I consciously realized it, the notion itself elicited a tiny moan from me. Across the channel I could zoom on the camera and locate more heads balanced on crates staring with vacant expressions across the black expanse. I shut my eyes and looked away.
There was a sound. Someone screaming, most likely. I continued, bumping a few items that became water logged and sunk. Bodies floated after some time. Eerie thought right there. I wasn’t paying enough attention at the moment, couldn’t bring myself to focus on where I was going. A small knot had buried into my spine like an obnoxious ache, but it felt more like stress and the cold twisting my nerves.
When I finally staggered in the water nearly dropping the camera I looked out, revaluating my position. A few large pillars supported what must’ve been the upper floor. There was a way out, somewhere to climb up on and get a better view of my surroundings.
Movement. Ripples. They could have been mine, but they traveled from the opposite side of the room far from walls, that I could tell. Something solid was down here with me.
I shuffled near the curving wall carefully, taking small steps as I turned the camera in gradual sweeps and zoomed in. Trying to find what, before it found me. I drew too near to it and picked up the dull clink of chains, and the rather aggressively way the water broke.
Chris Walker. Down here! Damn it, if there was no way out!
But as I turned the camera, up in the ceiling there beamed a light from some sort of opening. It meant nothing, probably from where the big fucker crashed in from. But it was my only chance. It was more than what I’d found so far.
I hid behind a stack of crates and peered out, as his eyes glimmered phantom like in the NV mode. Just beyond him I could make out a set of steps leading up, and a walkway. That was something, and the light source right there, it could have been where Chris plunged in from.
What was he doing down here? Lost? I didn’t care, it would be a nice change of pace if he was stuck. I doubted his fate would end in a place like this, he wouldn’t rest until he saw me dead.
“Stacked neatly side by side,” he hummed, taking a turn and wandering a ways from my position.
I zoomed out, heading in the general direction I had seen the steps. “Too good at what I do.” He must’ve been lost in recollections of his past, or a session with the doctors. It kept him distracted and that was good. “Someone’s here.” Not nearly enough.
The rings were getting smaller as he closed in on me, I was barely climbing the steps when the power in my battery began to fade. Fuck, what bad timing! I bolted up the steps rather bother with it. Chris gave a sharp snarl when he must have seen my form in the faint light. I ran, not realizing the path ended before I nearly bolted off the broken walkway into open air.
There was a ladder that would’ve extended down to the bridge, if it was still intact. The lower portion of it and much of the catwalk was torn to shreds and dumped in the water below.
I felt the vibrations of the big fucker as he stormed up behind me.
I jumped down into the water and wadded away. He did much of the same, only he seemed to have an easier time charging through the froth after me. My camera was depleted, but it did punch a small hole of perception in what was otherwise a black wall. I was in a mad hobble to keep out of his grip, and he was catching up.
A very insignificant memory came back to me, way back from my child hood. When the kids in my old neighborhood got together Saturday nights to play outdoor games, like kids my age used to do many moons ago, we would often play tag. I had many fond memories of being it, and not being it. Sometimes we got bored and would antagonize the tagger, so we could run. No one liked trying to tag me much, I was good at getting away. But if ever I was in a jam and close to getting caught, I had a very unique way of eluding my pursuer.
With Chris close at my back, I managed several long strides in the impeding water and leapt forward, twisting in midair and coming down so I faced the opposite way I was headed. Albeit, it was sluggish in the water, I shoved off glancing by Chris as he fought to jerk about.
The back of his arm slammed into my lower hip as he fell, a loud yowl expelled from my throat as the chains multiplied the pain by six. I stumbled but recovered quickly, adrenaline pumped through my veins as I made it back, guided only by the poor light of the night vision.
“You had your chance!”
I could hear him stagger upright and resume the chase. The metal steps were a few feet off but I redirected myself and took them three at a time, never mind the throb building in my hip. Never mind any of that shit, I wouldn’t have another go at this if I fell.
I stuffed the camera strap between my teeth before I lunged forward, relying on my meek sight alone and the faulty light to identify the ladders bars glinting in the fog. I hit them with a muffle grunt, my boots slipping through the space and I swung backwards barely catching the rungs with my feet splayed against them. When I hit the lower side with my back, holy hell, the bolt of pain shot up my shoulder blades and numbed a spot in my tongue. Somehow I never lost my grip on the camera, probably because I had bitten hard into the strap due to the shock. Dumbfounded, I hung there as Chris thundered across the bridge with a murderous growl. I registered his intentions with enough time to jerk myself up, as he leapt slashing at my shoulder.
Complete silence.
I imagined Chris Walker falling forever into a dark void, or well. A poisoned well, before he splashed at the very bottom. My abdomen began to ache, and I was forced to haul myself up and climb the ladder the rest of the way. Below, he snarled with fury and maybe promised next time would be different, before he broke off into mad cackles that sounded a little too feminine to be MY big ugly fucker.
I was delirious by the time I reached the top of the ladder, my body sort of oozed out onto the icy concrete floor and I rolled away from that large gaping hole. Away from danger, away from that wicked monster. I curled myself up beside some shelving and lay there, clutching the camera to my chest. A dull throb pulsed up my side and a unbearable warmth seeped through my lower thigh, I fumbled for my wet pants leg trying to decide if I was bleeding but it was impossible to tell. I probably shouldn’t be clutching my only light source to my wet coat, but my brain wasn’t registering the warning at this time. It felt like everything was spinning, the dull beige room I lay in was whirling and twisting, I felt my eyes roll back under their lids as I tried to follow the motion.
I thought I heard someone crying, but it wasn’t me. Fuck that. I rolled off my side and looked over at a man in a chair.
Beware men in chairs.
For a long time I stared at him and I think, he stared right back. His face looked like it was infected, or a bees nest had made a home in his brain.
Miles. Up. Get up Miles. Walk it up.
I don’t really want to. But I made the effort, slipping my hands under me and pushing off the dusty ground. A small whine escaped me as I pushed, literally dragging myself to my feet. Once I was standing, I moved towards the open door. A familiar sort of door, I couldn’t recall where I had seen doors like this.
I managed to reach the doorway before I dropped. A moment, I needed a moment. Just a short span of time in the quiet, away from the screaming and the oppressive death, and the dangers. Just give me five minutes to get my shit together and get up. As I sank heavily to my side I exhaled a sharp breath scattering the dust near my face, my forehead thudded with pain as the warmth subsided in my calm state. I’m not sure if I was on my good side or if I had a good side anymore, perhaps a more favorable position to lie in? I couldn’t sleep here, but I couldn’t resist either. I wouldn’t sleep. I would not sleep. Wouldn’t sleep.
The soft shuffle of feet interrupted my coaxing. I turned my head just enough over my shoulder to see the man from the chair approach me. I did my best to glare at him, or to not look terrified before I blacked out.
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@homoeroticsubtextinspace made me do it
1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you?
Well now I do! But seriously, no not ever.
2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you?
3 I’d say. Feel uneasy but not terrified
3. The person you would never want to meet?
Idk, no one in particular I guess
4. What is your favorite word?
In english I love arson, idk why. In french (my native language), couette
5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be?
I love oak trees but I’m not one, i’d say more of a plum tree
6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought?
Shit I messed up my eyeliner
7. What shirt are you wearing?
Simple black one with long sleeves
8. What do you label yourself as?
Small
9. Bright room or dark room?
Bright room! With sun! or plenty of lamps!
10. What were you doing at midnight last night?
Definitely sleeping!
11. Favorite age you’ve been so far?
8. I feel like all of my childhood happened when I was 8.
12. Who told you they loved you last?
My boyfriend I think. We’re quite cheesy actually
13. Your worst enemy?
Capitalism and how it makes us feel bad for being human.
14. What is your current desktop picture?
It’s Mtg art! Slimefoot the stowaway! Loooove it so much!
15. Do you like someone?
Plenty of people! I like my friends, most of my family, my boyfriend, the cat at my place, random people...
16. The last song you listened to?
Honestly no idea
17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?
I’d have said the orange blob but @homoeroticsubtextinspace said Bezos and honestly? Mood.
18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?
Me personally I wouldn’t like punching someone. However I would love to see nazis punched in the face.
19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do?
No slaves, bad thing to enslave people.
20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional)
My hair! Love it! Especially when I dye it on shave it!
21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do?
I would look like a very average guy I think, Not short nor tall, a bit on the skinnier side, brown haired… Well like me but as a guy.
Idk. I guess I would want to have sex because it must feel different when you have a penis.
22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it?
Not really, I don’t want to hide my talents!
23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of?
Slugs. Hate them.
24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal.
Bread with some cereals, goat cheese, figs, honey, pepper.
25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it?
Buy useful stuff for our home. Maybe curtains.
26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go?
I don’t want to travel by plane! but I’d say Iceland, looks beautiful.
27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be?
Uuuuuuuuh…. Idk. I like infused rum so I’d say HSE.
28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?
Don’t hurt others.
29. What is your favorite expletive?
Fuck. I also use Putain in french but I don’t particularly use it
30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno?
My teddy bear I think? Idk, I don’t have a lot of belongings so everything I have, I love and want to keep.
31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?
I don’t think I’ve lived a horrible experience. bad ones but not horribles ones.
32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world!
Uh… weird question but honestly it doesn’t feel very me, so I wouldn’t want to move out of France.
33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?
I think the deads belong with Death, it’d fuck up ones brain to see someone who isn’t anymore.
34. What was your last dream about?
A coat. I want to make myself one soooo bad.But idk how I want it to be, so it’s hard.
35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]?
porcupine? No, I’m a terrible porcupine.
36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital?
Yeah 2 times I’d say. Once I fell off a horse and once I fell of a playground trapeze.
37. Have you ever built a snowman?
Yes! I like it but it doesn’t snow enough :(
38. What is the color of your socks?
Brown, they are handknitted by a friend!
39. What type of music do you like?
here are some stuff i like:
Uuuuuuuh rap, funk, I really like the Cure, Florence and the machine, Devo, les Wriggles, Renaud (his old stuff because the new stuff is… bad. Really bad.), Zebda, Diana Ross, Earth wind and fire...
40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?
Sunrise! feels magical.
41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor?
I don’t really like milkshakes :/
42. What football team do you support?
None.
43. Do you have any scars?
A few. One on my cheeks looks really badass but it’s from my cat. One on my leg from when I fell off a bike. A few burn ones because I’m not careful around hot stuff, and my work involves hot irons. A new one from a dog bite. And three inked scars (okay, they’re tattoos but technically it’s a scar)
44. What do you want to be when you graduate?
I graduated a few weeks ago, so I’d say I want to work in my field.
45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
More confidence! That’s all n.n
46. Are you reliable?
I think I am.
47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?
Am I cringy rn?
48. Do you hold grudges?
I can put up with a lot, but when I decide I’m done, we’re done.
49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create?
A cat and a shark!
50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had?
I have no idea.
51. Are you a good liar?
I have major anxiety if I don’t feel it’s the right thing to do but I think I can pull it off quite well, I’m a good actress.
52. How long could you go without talking?
Talking? a day or two if there’s no one around, even though I’d probably start talking to myself. Expressing myself via text or something? A couple hours, not much more n.n
53. What has been you worst haircut/style?
Fringe. Very bad decision.
54. Have you ever baked your own cake?
Yes, of course.
55. Can you do any accents other than your own?
No, very bad at it.
56. What do you like on your toast?
Cheese
57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of?
pants. Ugly, it was to explain something.
58. What would be your dream car?
None, I don't like cars.
59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain.
No, but after the shower, I need to get most of the water off my skin before using the towel. Otherwise the towel feels too wet.
60. Do you believe in aliens?
I think there’s very little chance we’re the only living (whatever that means) beings in the whole UNIVERSE. That shit’s big.
61. Do you often read your horoscope?
No. I say I don’t believe in astrology but I know a part of me is like “what if”, so I try not to feed it ;)
62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet?
A because it’s the first letter of my name.
63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons?
Oh hard one! Dinosaurs are cooler as in 90’s style cool, dragons are cooler as in badass col.
64. What do you think about babies?
Ugh.
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1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you? Uh, no. 2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you?
Probably about a 3. It depends, really. 3. The person you would never want to meet? Uhhh. 4. What is your favorite word?
Sassafras. 5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be? A Weeping Willow.
6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought? I haven’t looked in the mirror at all, yet. 7. What shirt are you wearing? A tie-dye shirt I got from a tourist shop while on vacation last year. 8. What do you label yourself as? “I’m a loser, babyyyy.” 9. Bright room or dark room? I don’t want it too bright, but I don’t want it completely dark. I like comfortable lighting, I don’t really know how to explain it. At night I like to turn the lights off and just have my TV on. 10. What were you doing at midnight last night? Eating ramen and watching YouTube. That’s my midnight routine if ya’ll didn’t catch on to that by now. 11. Favorite age you’ve been so far? All of childhood. 12. Who told you they loved you last? My mom. 13. Your worst enemy?
Myself. 14. What is your current desktop picture? Alexander Skarsgard.  15. Do you like someone?
I don’t currently like anyone in the romantic sense. 16. The last song you listened to?
I’m too into watching TikTok lately, so I have songs I hear on there all the time stuck in my head. 17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up? I wouldn’t do that. 18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face? I don’t want to punch anyone in the face. 19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do?
Wtf. Uh, I don’t want to have someone be my slave... 20. What is your best physical attribute?
Nothing. 22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it? Nope. 23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of? Clusters. <<<< aljsflsfksld SAME. 24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal. Well, I already often have a bologna sandwich with sharp cheddar cheese and mayo and a pickle on the side. Sometimes I’ll switch it up and have a turkey sandwich and the same stuff with the addition of spinach. Oh, and I have olive oil on the side for dipping. 25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it? I’d save it. 26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go? Well, that’s not happening right now. 27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be? I highly doubt an angel would be offering a lifetime supply of alcohol, but to play along with this scenario I’d ask if I could swap it for something else. I don’t drink, so I want something I’d be able to enjoy. 28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place? I don’t know. 29. What is your favorite expletive? I don’t have one. 30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno? Just one?? D: I’d grab my laptop. At least the photos from my phone are saved to my iCloud. 31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? I don’t think I’d erase anything, to be honest. And that doesn’t mean that I don’t have any horrible memories. 33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back? Would there be any conditions to that? Like, would they be the same person they were? 34. What was your last dream about? I don't remember. 35. Are you a good kisser? Probably not. Now I’m really out of practice since it’s been almost 10 years since the last time I kissed someone... 36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital?
Yeah. 37. Have you ever built a snowman? No. 38. What is the color of your socks? They’re white. 39. What type of music do you like? I like variety. 40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?
Sunsets. 41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor?
Banana or strawberry. 42. What football team do you support?
I don’t care about sports. 43. Do you have any scars?
I have a lot of scars. 44. What do you want to be when you graduate?
I graduated 5 years ago and I still don’t know. 45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? My health, which includes both mental and physical. 46. Are you reliable? I don’t think I am now. :/ 47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be? I’d want to know if things improved at all and if I ever do something with my life, but I’d be scared to ask cause a couple of my biggest fears are things never getting better/getting worse and never doing something with my life and just wasting away. 48. Do you hold grudges? Not usually. If I do, it doesn’t last long. 49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create? Nah. 50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had? I couldn’t possibly choose the most unusual. 51. Are you a good liar?
No. 52. How long could you go without talking?
Hours. Some days I’m extra moody and go most of the day. 53. What has been you worst haircut/style? Gah in middle school I thought it was a good idea to hairspray my bangs and I’m not talking a few light spritz either. My bangs were CRISP. hahah. Not a cute look AT ALL. 54. Have you ever baked your own cake? Yeah, I used to like baking cakes or cupcakes. Especially around the holidays. 55. Can you do any accents other than your own?
I don’t do any well. 56. What do you like on your toast? I’m good with just butter. Peanut butter is also good. 57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of?
I don’t draw. 58. What would be you dream car?
I don’t have one. 59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain. I sing in the shower. I play my shower playlist on my Spotify. 60. Do you believe in aliens?
No. 61. Do you often read your horoscope?
I don’t read them. I used to when I was younger for fun, but I’ve never believed in it. 62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet? I don’t have one. 63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons? Dinosaurs. Rawr. XD lmao. 64. What do you think about babies? They’re cute and all, but I don’t want to have one. haha.
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Oh, you wanted me to hit you with some? Bet. Do all of them Strawberry
YOBI I LEGIT JUST ASKED SOMEONE THE SAME THING
YOU’RE OMNISCIENT I SWEAR
1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you?
I have never considered that before now but thanks for that
2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you?
3 probably, I’m not really scared of the dark most of the time (unless it’s literally pitch black), but every once in a while i get really unnerved bc i get rlly paranoid
3. The person you would never want to meet?
Satan
4. What is your favorite word?
“faith” bc my faith and bc synesthesia
5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be?
uhhh flowering cherry bc at my old house my brothers and I each had a tree that my dad planted for us when we were each born and mine was a flowering cherry
6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought?
I looked in the mirror this morning?
7. What shirt are you wearing?
coral pink bubba gump shrimp co. t shirt
8. What do you label yourself as?
child of God, daughter of Sappho
9. Bright room or dark room?
bright if we’re talking natural light being let in through my windows, dark if we’re talking just normally bc rlly bright lights mess w my sensory issues
10. What were you doing at midnight last night?
talking to you yobi
11. Favorite age you’ve been so far?
this age, I’m a firm believer in that things will always get better, even if only one small thing does improve, when i think back on past years i get anxious and nostalgia isn’t good for me
12. Who told you they loved you last?
@toomanyfanfics that one
13. Your worst enemy?
my mental health tbh
14. What is your current desktop picture?
15. Do you like someone?
never experienced romantic attraction, i used to have a plush (qp crush) on one of my best irl friends tho (@ blob have fun with this fact)
16. The last song you listened to?
I am listening to Echosmith’s Cool Kids as I am writing this, before that I was listening to Girls by Marina and the Diamonds, which is a hilarious song i 11/10 recommend
17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?
myself, I’m not s*icidal but I’m not killing someone else
18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?
whoever the person who decided Teen Vogue should endorse child pornography was
19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do?
me, I would make myself do actual work for once
20. What is your best physical attribute?
my eyes, i just like them. fun fact this one kid i used to be kinda good friends with was talking with me on snapchat once (bc we did that a lot, back when i had snapchat) and i don’t remember how we got into this but he ended up describing my eyes really weirdly? it was really deep and got kinda strange? it was like a movie scene but via text message and then in the middle of it he was like “wtf am i doing” and i will always remember that (dude if you are for some reason reading this then idek what to say man. sorry). anyone who knows me irl (@ you blob) can take a guess as to who this is
21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do?
idk the answer to either of those questions tbh
22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it?
idek man sorry
23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of?
weed, like i’m genuinely terrified of being in its presence (never been in its presence before), i’ve had nightmares about it
24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal.
EVERY TIME I GO TO SUBWAY I GET THE SAME THING. BUFFALO CHICKEN, RANCH, AND CHEESE ON ITALIAN HERBS AND CHEESE TOASTED. I WOULD REPLICATE THAT
25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it?
go to Atlanta and find a homeless person and buy them some clothes and food and some blankets
26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go?
CANADA
27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be?
first of all why is an angel giving me unlimited alcohol that’s just kinda strange second of all i am a MINOR i am not legally ALLOWED however i will probably just take whatever and give it to some people, someone will like it
28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?
be kind and do good where you can and if someone wrongs you forgive them
29. What is your favorite expletive?
as;ldkfjasdkgaj;lsdf
30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno?
my cactus!! she is v important to me
31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?
the first thing that comes to mind was really traumatic for me, but it’s what brought me as close as i am to God now so idk that i would get rid of it. idrk man, it really sucked but i’m glad that I’m so much closer to God now
32. You got kicked out of the country for being a [redacted bc even though this is a hypothetical i absolutely would never do this and refuse to acknowledge it even in a hypothetical situation]. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world!
….Canada?
33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?
idk, peeps are in heaven now and i don’t really wanna take that away from them
34. What was your last dream about?
ask God not me
35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]?
no
36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital?
not really, however i have had several surgeries (all on my mouth) so i was in the hospital for those
37. Have you ever built a snowman?
I have built a real, genuine snowman once in my life, and the only proof is a picture i have bc i was so little i can’t even remember it. it doesn’t snow in georgia
38. What is the color of your socks?
ain’t wearing em, however most of mine are gray with some colorful bits
39. What type of music do you like?
I have an eclectic mix of favorites.
40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?
sunrises all the way, the afternoon and evening make me anxious but nighttime and dawn and early morning are the best times
41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor?
vanilla bitch
42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer)
UGA i guess bc it’s ga and that’s a safe answer, i don’t really follow sports (i watch baseball sometimes though)
43. Do you have any scars?
oh i’m covered in tiny ones, the most notable being one on my thigh that was on my knee when i first noticed it. to this day i do not know how i got it
44. What do you want to be when you graduate?
gay
45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
i wanna be better about lying
46. Are you reliable?
heh depends, when it comes to knowing random things or being stupid, yes, but when it comes to remembering things, such as dates and times and things? absolutely not
47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?
Has it gotten easier?
48. Do you hold grudges?
yes and no
49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create?
a whelk and a quetzalcoatlus, no i do not accept constructive criticism
50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had?
i once spent hours talking to myself about if it is possible for a perfectly fair coin to exist outside of theory
51. Are you a good liar?
I like to think so
52. How long could you go without talking?
Oh I could go a looooooooooooooong time, however i do have my chatterbox days and i am known for not shutting up so it’s really a tossup on that one
53. What has been you worst haircut/style?
when i was 3 my mom put blonde highlights in my hair and it was absolutely absurd
54. Have you ever baked your own cake?
i cannot bake to save my life, however i have made my father cheesecakes for his birthday and they turned out okay so idk
55. Can you do any accents other than your own?
sco-ish
56. What do you like on your toast?
a crap ton of butter
57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of?
dude in a graduation cap
58. What would be you dream car?
idk whatever’s cheap and works
59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain.
uhhh not really no
60. Do you believe in aliens?
i mean i don’t think we’re the only life in the entire universe, so yeah (and also they’ve found traces of ancient bacteria on Mars so if you don’t believe then who are you kidding)
61. Do you often read your horoscope?
occasionally, i don’t believe in astrology but it’s at least somewhat accurate a lot of the time and i like to freak myself out
62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet?
you’d think i’d have an answer for this, however i have never thought about this before. so e ig
63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons?
if your answer to this is dinosaurs then get out of my house
64. What do you think about babies?
they’re good at shrieking, and for that i admire them
65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of.
i am not interesting
#are you pleased with yourself yobi#sorry this took so long#strawzy answers#fucking yobi#tw swearing#cw swearing#strawzy cleans out dus inbox
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Intertwined, part 2
Aka an extension of the pop star AU that I’ve been way too obsessed with for way too long! You don’t need to have read the other fic set in this ‘verse to understand this fic, it’s a standalone thing. Thanks so much to @397bartonstreet and @jake-and-ames for all your help with this fic!
He sees that she’s shaking a little as she leaves. He takes her hand, runs his fingers over her rings.
He says softly “You don’t have to do this”.
“I know”, she says in response. “But it’ll be good to get everything out there��.
He nods. “Ok, as long as you’re sure”, he says, kissing the top of her head.
“I love you”
“I love you too”
When I meet Amy Santiago in a four-star Brooklyn hotel, she’s a far cry from both the fresh faced, bright eyed 15-year old I first spoke to at the ’98 Popfest and the troubled megastar whose life was crumbling around her around a decade ago. There’s a new wisdom in her eyes, but there’s also a sense of calm and stability that’s clearly come about since her darkest days.
She’s surprisingly humble compared to most people with her level of fame, handing me a coffee before we even sit down and then momentarily panicking when she considers that I might’ve preferred tea.
But she’s also unsurprisingly guarded, responding to my casual question of if she lives close to this area with an almost sarcastic glare. It’s a look that says “come on, you know my life, why would you ask me that?”.
In hindsight it was a pretty stupid thing to say. From the time when she first burst onto the scene to become the biggest selling teenage artist ever in only 2 years, the amount of scrutiny into her life so suddenly and so young must’ve been overwhelming.
“It was a really crazy time and for a while it was incredible”, she says with a hint of nostalgia in her voice, “but it was so so overwhelming and I never had any time to just breathe, y’know?”
When I ask tentatively if that was the real root of her later troubles, she silently nods.
“I have a confession to make”, he says with a smile, as if a joke is forming on his lips. She grins back at him, inviting him to say whatever it is he’s thinking.
“You were my first ever concert”
“No way”, she says, her hand flying to her mouth dramatically as her grin grows to match his.
“Yeah way - don’t tell Gina I told you this but she was obsessed with you, we went to your shows in matching T shirts, we had different ones for each album”
“Awww, babe that’s so cute”
For the next seven years it seemed like the undisputed Princess of Pop could do no wrong as she brought out three more critically lauded and record-breaking albums and sold out corresponding tours within minutes. Rather than dropping off like many of her contemporaries, she also grew as an artist, transitioning from cutesy bubble-gum pop of her debut album Amy and follow up Dulce into the more grown up sounding, R n B infused dance pop of Fascination and then into the pop punk and guitar sounds of My Lullaby and Our Song.
But from what she says, things weren’t so perfect behind the scenes.
“I was lonely; I didn’t get to just be a normal kid, I didn’t have any real friends, I didn’t feel like I could trust or turn to anyone. And my whole life other than my music was controlled by my management and even then every song I wrote had to be vetted. And over time I started to get really depressed”
She sighs then, looking down, as if preparing herself for the next topic of conversation.
“And”, she says slowly, “that’s when the drinking and the drugs started. That was my medicine”
“Ames, are you sure you’re ok?”, he asks as they sit in Shaws.
“Yeah”, she says, looking away from him. But he knows her too well.
“Do you wanna just go home and watch a movie? I’m sure everyone will get it”
She smiles then, takes his hand and they leave together. The warmth of his hand in hers doesn’t take away or fix her demons, but the love she feels for him does drown them out on nights like this.
“I kept it under control for a while and no one knew. But then as it got worse, it started to get to the tabloids. And then Vegas happened”
She was of course referring to the infamous incident that triggered the start of her fall from grace in 2008. The crazy vacation and a drunken fling leading to a marriage that was officially annulled within 24 hours was what turned the previous buzz of press around her constantly into a storm. The man, a failed musician named Constantine Kane, selling his story to every paper he could find for a very tidy sum also didn’t help.
“I guess that was the point where they figured out how lucrative it was when I messed up”, she comments, a sarcastic tone thinly veiling wounds that are clearly still present.
“After that, they were everywhere”
He doesn’t understand why they’ve suddenly stopped. Why Amy is looking around so nervously. Until he sees and hears them. There are 2 cars, both with different photographers speeding up behind them. His heart drops at the fear in Amy’s eyes as they race away.
She brushes it off, but later, when they’re back in his apartment, he can tell there’s something on her mind.
“Ames, are you ok?”, he asks, wanting to make whatever’s upset her better. She sighs and then says:
“I think we need to talk about what happened today. Things like that are scary, but they’re something I’ve gotten used to, I’ve been in that world for a really long time. But being with me… it means you’ll probably have to deal with shit like that too… and that’s not fair on you. Are you sure you want that? Because you could just walk away from all this now and you’d be fine-”
“Amy”, he interrupts, taking her hand. “I’d deal with all of that every day for like 100 years if it means I get to be with you. This is special. And I’m not giving up on us just because of some shitty papparazos.”
She smiles and laughs a little at that and kisses him and he’s never been so sure of anything in his life. He knows in that moment that he’ll be with her no matter what.
After we bring up Vegas and the press intrusion that followed, strangely enough she seems to zone out for a second and smile a little, as if she’s fondly remembering something. Then she comes back from whatever she was thinking of and we move on with the conversation.
Not wanting to upset her too much, I let her drive the conversation on the rest of her breakdown – the increasing stories of her crazy parties, the infamous incident where she hit a photographer with her car after he jumped in front, the lawsuit that followed in spite of the man being completely unscathed, her fines for drink driving and the crazy braids that started to appear in her hair. Then the climax of it all, for want of a more appropriate term: when she barricaded herself in her bedroom for over 24 hours in the lead up to the Grammys, where she was eventually forced to perform after her management broke down the door. She snuck out of the awards show afterwards and eventually collapsed from alcohol poisoning. I can tell that she’s holding back tears when she answers my next question: what happened?
“It just felt like everything was spiralling so far out of control and it just kept getting crazier and crazier and as things got worse, all I did was drink more and do more of whatever substances I could find. And in the end, all I could do was shut myself off, by shutting myself in. And it happened so long ago, I shouldn’t still be crying over it…”
I try to comfort her as best I can and ask her if she wants to continue the interview or scrap the whole thing.
“No, this is a story I need to get out. If I keep it all in and internalise it and never talk about it, it’ll be even worse.”, she responds, wiping the tears off her face. In the face of everything she’s been through, she has a remarkable strength.
What happened after that is something she’s kept pretty under wraps, but she tells me now, after taking a few minutes out.
“After I got out of hospital, I quit everything, I left my record label and went straight to rehab. Then, I wanted a fresh start, so I moved to New York and started therapy, which is where I met my husband.” She smiles as soon as she mentions him, looking down at her wedding and engagement rings. Although not many details of him or their relationship are public knowledge, other than the fact that he’s a cop from Brooklyn, he’s been assumed to be the subject of some of her most well-known love songs since she came back to music.
“So, what are you in for?”, he asks jokingly. “Sorry, I use humour as a defence mechanism, it’s kind of my thing”.
“It’s ok,”, she says with a smile. “For me, it’s a heck of a lot of childhood issues, mostly typical child star stuff”
“Samsies!”, he responds, “Except my childhood issues aren’t to do with being famous and I’m also here ‘cause I got framed and went to jail, I’m a cop, it’s a whole thing – but almost samsies”
They hi five at that and both smile. The therapist calls him in and before he leaves, he turns around.
“Hey, I’ll see you later, right?”
“Sure”, she responds.
“After we met in therapy, we started hanging out a lot and after about a month we started dating and eventually we got married. I honestly don’t know where I’d be without him. When I was at my lowest point, he was there to make everything better, and I’ve never felt happier or safer than I do with him”
“I’d also been writing music the whole time and eventually I set up Brooklyn Records, so I could release new music on my own terms and support new artists. I still have struggles – things like addiction and depression don’t’ just go away. But I’m ok now and as I’ve already said, I have an amazing family to support me now”
When I comment on the success of both her label and the five new albums she’s released since her comeback in 2011, she smiles fondly. It seems clear that in spite of all the bumps in the road and how much time has passed since her debut, I’m talking to a pop star still very much in her prime.
“How was everything?”, he asks when she gets home.
“It was great”, she says as she hugs him.
“Did you mention me?”, he says jokingly.
“Actually, I did”
He looks at her softly, before turning serious with genuine concern. “Aww, babe – but seriously, are you ok?”
“Yeah. I’ve never been better”, she responds. And she truly means it.
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Returning After the Reveal
Phic Phight attack 3
Prompt: “A post Phantom-Planet (or post reveal, if you hate PP that much) fic in which Danny is getting used to his new fame and recognition as a superhero. His teachers, classmates, and even former bullies are all suddenly treating him differently, and Danny’s not quite sure what to do with that.” - @love-ly-ish
Words: 7143
Danny pushed his crutches down again, supporting his weight as he made his way over to the X-Ray room. He was pretty sure that he could have walked, but doctor’s orders said he couldn’t, hence the crutches.
Whispers erupted as he traversed the labyrinth of corridors. Onlookers either appeared to be in awe, admirers and fans of his Phantom persona, while others scowled, moving out the way, many fearful of the teen in front of them, or rather his powers. He supposed he hadn’t been expecting anything different, the world probably hadn’t been ready for the existence of halfas, but had been introduced to them anyway.
A mother pulled her child away and close to her chest just as he’d tried to go up to Danny, attempting to shield the boy from him. Danny sighed and his mom placed a comforting hand on his shoulder.
They entered the room, and Danny lay on the table as per the previous X-Ray, while Maddie joined the radiologist further away. If there was one thing Danny was grateful for in this great big mess of a situation, it was his parents’ unwavering support. Without them kicking up a fuss it would have been entirely possible for the GIW to cart him off to their labs, labelled as an ecto-based threat, while he was unconscious and wounded. Danny suppressed a shudder at that idea.
“Danny, you can come over here now,” called the doctor, a kindly old man who looked somewhat like a walrus.
On the computer screen was Danny’s leg, his tibia and fibula completely intact, just as expected. “Jeez you heal fast, kid. Most people would take months to recover from that,” commented the doctor, clicking into the image to zoom in. “Not even a hairline fracture anymore.”
Danny cringed - he’d had one hell of a compound fracture. On top of that apparently they had to pick fragments of bone out of his leg. Nope, he was not going to imagine that. The surgeons had been slightly freaked out even after he came around post-surgery, his healing factor having caused problems with treating his injuries.
“Does this mean I don’t need crutches now?” Danny asked hopefully, lightly kicking the leg in its brace.
“Yes, you’re free to go. Just don’t go breaking more bones on us,” the doctor chuckled, his belly shaking as he did so.
“No promises,” Danny responded, flashing him a smile before sitting down to phase the cast off his leg. “Uh, so, what do I do with this?” He waved it in the air. This was nice, being able to use his powers around others without having to fear exposure.
Maddie took the cast from him and placed it in the appropriate bin as they left the hospital. “Well, that went well,” she said, trying to maintain an optimistic mood despite the countless pairs of eyes on them, passing their own individual judgement.
Danny muttered something under his breath and Maddie asked him to speak up.
“I’d have preferred for none of this to happen in the first place,” he said barely loud enough for her to hear properly. “I should’ve handled the attack better.”
Maddie sighed. “You can’t be perfect, Danny. I wish you hadn’t got hurt like that, but it’s all we can do to move on from it now. You saved a lot of lives that day, and anyone who tells you otherwise is a liar.”
“So I’ve heard,” Danny said spitefully, immediately resenting himself for taking that tone with his mom. “Sorry, I just-” He trailed off.
“It’s been a stressful few days, hasn’t it?” she said, unlocking the car and opening the door.
Danny mirrored her in opening the door on the passenger side, slipping into his seat. “Yeah.”
They backed out of the parking lot, the sound of tacky pop music coming from the radio while Danny picked at the fabric of his jeans. “Mom? Do you ever have times when you feel you could have done better?”
“Of course I do. Regrets are part of life, and no matter what you do, there’ll always be that nagging voice in your head,” Maddie said as she turned onto the highway.
“How do you deal with it?” Danny enquired.
Maddie glanced at Danny, then cast her eyes back to the road. “I remind myself that my mistakes are in the past, and I can’t change them. Plus focusing on the positives helps, like people you helped and ways you can do better in the future.”
Danny contemplated her words for a few seconds. “Thanks, mom.”
They were now approaching Amity Park, which did not have its own hospital due to the risk of ghost attacks. Craters, Danny-shaped and otherwise, marred the landscape and they passed a sign reading ‘Amity Park: A nice place to-’ The rest of the sign having been destroyed by ectoblasts, leaving it illegible.
Maddie cleared her throat. “But even I have regrets I can’t forgive myself for.”
“Oh,” Danny said, knowing full well where this conversation was heading. They’d had this conversation once already, in which Danny adamantly defended them, though admittedly he had been pretty drugged up then, so he couldn’t blame her for talking about it again. “I still don’t blame you for anything. I chose to lie to you- I shouldn’t have, and there was no way you could’ve guessed that your living son was a ghost.” He breathed before continuing. “You can’t change the past.”
Maddie conceded and continued the drive without bringing it up again, instead choosing to talk about space and recent developments in astronomy and astrophysics.
They stopped in the driveway of the Fenton house, now with a metal fence to fend off rabid reporters, fans and those who despised Danny and his entire family. They’d probably have to upgrade the security system at some point soon, but for now it would do.
The house was a lot cleaner than the night of the ghost attack, but was still somewhat disheveled, albeit without fragments of glass around the place now. “Good to see you Danny-boy!” Jack engulfed Danny in a one armed hug, his left arm being covered in bandages. “Can’t keep you down, eh?”
Danny chuckled and rubbed the back of his neck.
“Speaking of which, Danny, we’ll need to do a check up on your core,” Maddie interjected, catching Danny off guard with how naturally the words came from her mouth. They seemed to be adjusting about as well as one could to the revelation that their son’s half ghost, going so far as to lock up their most powerful weapons and program all of the inventions they could to ignore Danny’s ectosignature, including the ghost gabber, much to Danny’s delight. Sam and Tucker had managed to convince the Fenton parents that separating Danny’s ghost and human halves would be a terrible idea by explaining the Fenton ghost catcher incident, that and it didn’t take a scientist to know that ripping away part of someone’s body wasn’t good for them. If Danny was healthy and happy, that’s all that mattered to them.
The core check-up went similarly to an X-Ray, just in the lab, and with a different machine.
Danny pulled his t-shirt over his head, ignoring the fact that his hair was now even more messy than usual, and walked over to the computer screen displaying the scan.
A look at the display wouldn't mean much to someone without knowledge of ectobiology, but both the Fenton parents and Danny could see that it had thousands of tiny marks of damage, like the tears that form in a muscle after excess exertion.
“It looks like it’s healing. See? Snowfang was right,” said Danny.
Snowfang, the head doctor in the Far Frozen, had assured them that it would heal with time, as long as Danny did not overexert himself again.. Naturally the Fenton parents had still been worried, and coming up with ways to aid healing.
His dad grinned at him, while his mom had an unreadable expression of thought.
“You’ll still have to drink ectoplasm until you’re better,” she ordered, before quickly adding, “but maybe don’t bring it to school tomorrow.”
Crud. School. Danny cringed at the thought of his phan club following him around. “I’m not sure if I want to go back there. I mean, what if people…”
Maddie crouched slightly to be eye to eye with Danny. “It’ll be fine, just give it a try, okay? And if it’s too much for you, or you get bullied, we can always look into home education.”
Danny nodded, eyes downcast.
The ring of the doorbell pierced through the quiet and momentarily drowned out the whir of machines from every angle of the basement.
Jack was the first to reach the door, opening it only to remember that there was also a tall metal fence and gate between the street and the living room. “Jazzypants! Elle!” he bellowed as he opened the gate, letting two girls in. Elle gave him as much of a hug as her short arms could manage, channelling some ghost powers to jump up. Jack patted Danielle’s back and closed the gate. Danny’s face lit up at the sight of his adoptive sister, now dubbed ‘Elle’ both to avoid confusion and due to her sense of individuality, still clinging onto their dad as he came back into the house. The adoption would be going through quickly after they’d ‘convinced’ Vlad that it was best to let them adopt her and for him to leave her alone. It hardly seemed like she’d only lived with them for less than a week, yet that was undeniably the truth.
Elle, grinning broadly, dropped to the floor. “Hey, Danny, you’re all better?”
Danny made a more or less gesture with his hand. “Pretty much.”
Jazz announced her presence by dumping a large bag of books on the floor with a thud. “Well, that’s book shopping done.”
Danny glanced at the bag, stunned. “Did you buy the entire bookstore?”
“Ha, ha,” Jazz deadpanned. “Elle’s starting Middle School in September, that’s only five months away, so she’ll need to catch up on any material she missed out on by then.”
Elle was less excited by the idea of school, and instead pulled out a book titled ‘How much poo does an elephant do?’. “I got to choose some books I wanted too.”
• • •
Sweat poured from Danny’s brow as he tried his best to hold up the beams of a near-collapsed building while the last inhabitants ran for safety. After the last person escaped, guided away by Maddie and Jack Fenton, he intangibly passed through the building, letting it collapse through him, and turned his attention to the gruesome ghost currently being shot at while trying to chase down the Red Huntress. She looked worse for wear, her suit not repairing the scratches in it like it typically did. The fight had been drawn out for too long, and everyone knew it, but the ghost just didn’t seem to have a weak spot, all shots ricocheting off its armored skin. And worst of all it had a fire core, leaving the pavement melted under it with each step it made.
“Oi! Ugly!” Danny shrieked, a lot more shrilly than he than he originally intended. The taunt had the exact effect Danny wanted, all of the dozen or so eyes of the beast turning towards him and narrowing. Its nostrils flared, and it made a beeline for Danny, stomping down anything that stood in its way.
Calling on the power of his own core, Danny sent out a blast of ice, which encased the ghost for mere seconds before melting under the extreme heat of its flaming breath. Danny created an energy shield, doing his best to block the attack, his palms burning as the fire was redirected around him and into the building, exciting the embers floating in the air and on the ground.
The flames stopped abruptly as yet another fighter flew into the fray, blasting the beast in the side. “Leave my cousin alone!” Elle yelled, unleashing another energy ball, which knocked the creature back.
It was then that Danny saw something, a weakness, an opening. The ghost opened its mouth and Danny took this opportunity to shoot a beam on ice into it, giving the ghost the worst possible case of brain freeze experienced by any being. Without hesitation, Danny tackled the ghost to the ground, glancing up at Valerie who was pulling out her thermos.
Unfortunately, Danny really should have kept his attention on the ghost, as it grabbed him by the leg in its vice-like grip and hurled him into the rubble of the building he’d been trying to hold up just a minute earlier. A sickening crunch of bone shattering could be heard as Danny’s body crashed against the hot concrete and brick. He tried to climb to his feet, only to realise that one of his legs was practically snapped in two, and instead hovering weakly. Elle flew over to him like a rocket, putting an arm under his shoulder to support him, seeing his exhaustion.
Danny evaluated the situation, noting that the ghost appeared to be much more sluggish, cracks showing in its skin, revealing what looked to be swirling magma underneath.
“Cover your ears! Now!” he shouted and unleashed an unearthly wail, rippling through the air, peeling through the armor of the ghost with each wave that came its way.
Danny collapsed, ears ringing, desperately fighting back white rings while Elle held him just above the ground.
A blue light engulfed the magma ghost in front of them, and the Red Huntress landed, hoverboard retracting into the soles of her shoes, now-full thermos in her hand. “Phantom? I just wanted to say thank you, both of you. I couldn’t have done this without you.”
Danny offered her a tired smile before falling into the black, a ring of light passing over his head as he dropped like a rock.
Danny awoke with a start, glancing at the time on his alarm clock: 6:45 am. Could be worse. Of course he’d just had to have that dream, that memory again the night before school. The universe was simply unkind to halfas - not even permitting them to sleep until their alarm would have gone off.
He dropped out of bed and headed to the bathroom, figuring that if he was going to face his possible doom today, he might as well be presentable while doing so. The cold shower was nice - just another reminder that he was weird. Jazz always complained that he’d left it on the cold temperature when she went to shower.
Speaking of Jazz, she was already downstairs when Danny entered the kitchen. “Ready to go back to school, little brother?”
“No, not really” Danny sighed as he poured a bowl of cereal for himself, reminding him of the day when he’d almost told his parents his secret early on after being picked up by the ghost detector.
“I’ll be with you when we go there,” Jazz comforted. “Take deep breaths and try to focus on what could go well today.”
Danny rolled his eyes. “I know, I know. Thanks.”
The Fenton parents came into the kitchen soon after, one from downstairs, and the other with a very grumpy looking Elle - apparently she was not a morning person. Maddie guided the sleep deprived halfa to the table, and she immediately brightened up at the prospect of breakfast, inhaling a bowl of Cookie Crisp.
“Remember your ectoplasm,” Maddie said to the half ghosts, placing a glass of the glowing green liquid in front of each of them, much to Danny’s chagrin. It wasn’t that it tasted bad, it was just weird, like sweet tasting batteries that prickled his tongue with its energy.
Elle seemed not to have inherited Danny’s dislike of the sensation, and downed her glass like orange juice. This was just one of the many differences between them that she had embraced, along with her love of toast.
Danny sipped his ectoplasm, reminding himself that it was just filtered from the atmosphere of the zone.
“What does it taste like?” Jack asked, like a curious puppy. He knew better than to try and drink some himself - ectoplasm was decidedly not suitable for human consumption. The only reason halfas could drink it was because their biology was different to a human’s on the molecular level.
“Kinda like honey charged with electricity,” Danny answered before taking another gulp of it.
“It’s nice,” Elle chimed in. “Danny’s just not used to it - that’s why he’s scared of drinking it.”
Danny shot her a playful glare and glugged the rest of the glass, which she cackled at.
The energy rippled through his core, like a concentrated energy drink, which wasn’t actually far off the mark as a description of it.
Jack hummed, and began tinkering with an invention he’d been working on on the side for the time Danny had been hospitalised. It was a small plastic wristband, with a glowing green light and small amounts of exposed circuitry where he’d unscrewed a panel on it. It was slightly rough looking, but for something thrown together over just a few days, it was impressive.
The band was a failsafe, in case the school had concerns about him harming other students that could not be remedied by their word - it suppressed Danny’s powers, namely his ectoblasts. It wasn’t great, but if worst came to worst it at least wouldn’t hurt Danny.
Pocketing the band, Jack and the rest of his family, including Elle, who was still worried that Vlad might come for her, clambered into the Fenton family RV (Maddie was driving as it was decided that property damage would not make a good impression).
They reached the school too early for Danny’s liking, and he wiped his clammy palms on his jeans before exiting the vehicle.
Mr Lancer was waiting outside, visibly surprised that nothing had been destroyed while parking until he noticed that Maddie had been driving. He shook the Fenton parents’ hands, and guided the family into the building.
Danny noticed the news van was parked in the road by the school, evidently not allowed onto school property, but figured it was best to ignore it - he’d honestly expected far more people following him around, but apparently he’d passed out of the news with the next big thing.
The early students gawked as the group passed them through the corridors on their way to Mr Lancer’s office, but Danny once again did his best to ignore it.
The office door was agape, and Principal Ishiyama was sat in a small plastic chair next to Mr Lancer’s desk. Mr Lancer closed the door after the group, sitting down in his worn padded chair and indicating to the plastic chairs arranged by the entrance. He surveyed the odd group as they lowered themselves to their chairs, eyes lingering momentarily on Elle, taking in the unfamiliar, yet familiar face.
“As I’m sure you’re aware, there has been protesting against Daniel returning to school,” Mr Lancer began, voice steady and calm, as if talking about any other issue at school, “however, we, as a school, and as people, will not discriminate against an individual based on their, biology. I am glad to see you healthy Daniel, and would like to make it very clear that you are welcome at this school.
“Your teachers, myself included are prepared to give you leeway and accommodate your ghost hunting. We do expect that you work hard to keep up with class work, and attend extra sessions if necessary, but you will not be punished for leaving lessons to deal with ghost attacks. I’m well aware that you are capable of doing well, and all you need to do if ask for help whenever you feel that you’re falling behind.”
Danny was ectatic. This was too good to be true! “Thank you Mr Lancer! I will.”
Ishiyama took this moment to interject. “But, we do have some restrictions we would like you to follow.”
Of course. There was always a catch.
“You are not allowed to abuse your privileges, and if it is found that you have been skipping class without a good reason there will be appropriate punishment. Additionally, you are not allowed to use your abilities to cheat or harm others. We do not take this lightly, and doing this could get you expelled from the school.”
Danny flinched imperceptibly at the mention of cheating.
“We will not stop you from using your powers altogether though. You may use what non-destructive or harmful powers you have as you feel comfortable with, we trust that you can use your judgement as to what is appropriate.”
“That sounds reasonable,” said Danny, relaxing slightly. “I promise I won’t hurt others, and I definitely won’t cheat.”
This seemed to satisfy the Principle, who smiled at the family. “Well then, enjoy your day. I believe lessons will be starting in fifteen minutes. Please ask myself or Mister Lancer if you have any questions.”
And with that Ishiyama pardoned herself from the room, leaving the family with just Mr Lancer, who shuffled a small stack of papers.
“One last thing, Daniel,” Mr Lancer called out to Danny as he went to stand up from his chair. “My door is always open if you need to talk about anything.”
“Thanks Mr Lancer!” Danny smiled up at his teacher, and left the office with the rest of his family.
“That went well,” commented Maddie, and Jack nodded enthusiastically. “We should really go home now. See you later, you two. I know you both find kisses embarrassing, so have a good day.”
“Bye,” both Danny and Jazz chorused.
“Enjoy your day of hell!” Elle shouted after them, a grin splitting her face from ear to ear.
“Same to you!” Danny yelled back as she rounded the corner and out of view.
Jazz and Danny said their goodbyes and went off to their respective lessons early. Waiting outside the science lab, Danny couldn’t help but keep an eye on every face that passed in the mass of students getting to class. His face lit up when he saw Sam and Tucker approach him through the crowd, their faces brightening an equal amount at the sight of their friend healthy and happy.
“Yo, how are you?” Tucker greeted, giving Danny a high five.
“Good. I’m all healed, and the school seems to be okay with me being here,“Danny replied. “What about you?”
“Pretty good. How’re your folks taking the reveal?”
“Great. They’re happy I’m going into ghost hunting, and they seem to have accepted my ghost half. They even adopted Elle!” Danny was practically bursting with joy, and it warmed the others through.
“Oh yeah, we saw her with your parents on the way in. She looks really happy - I guess she’s settling in well,” said Sam, smiling far too brightly for her goth aesthetic.
“Excuse me,” a small voice came from the right, and the trio turned to see Mikey, a small red haired boy, standing there timidly, with his nerdy friends behind him. “I, uh, I wanted to say thank you - for all the times you’ve saved us.”
Danny was dumbfounded. People knowing his not-so-secret identity was going to take some getting used to. “Um, no problem. I just did what anyone would do.” He rubbed the back of his neck.
“So, how do your ghost powers work?” Mikey asked rapidly. “Are you a ghost? Does this mean you’re dead? You’re not dead, right?” He looked slightly horrified.
“Of course he’s not dead!” Sam said abruptly, the guilt of the accident gnawing at the back of her mind. The nerds flinched.
“What Sam said, I’m not dead, or at least I don’t think I am,” Danny spoke. “I’m not entirely sure how my powers work, we think I’m half ghost - um, when I got my powers, I think ectoplasm got bonded to my DNA or something.” Danny didn’t want to go into specifics of how he got his ghost powers. The memory was slightly traumatic, and he really didn’t want to risk others attempting to repeat it - that was dangerous, and painful.
“Woah, that’s so cool! Is it like a comic book origin story?”
“That’s enough.” Sam cut Mikey off, and he shrunk back.
The teacher soon emerged from the classroom to shepard the students to their seats. Mrs Bray, the strict, rule-abiding chemistry teacher, with a glare that could melt concrete, sat in her chair, back straight as the pole that was probably stuck up her butt. She read out the register, each student replying with a ‘yes miss’, until she reached Danny’s name and mutters broke out among the students. Her eye twitched, but she continued the register after Danny confirmed his presence
Once the register was over, she stood before the board, and took a breath before her lecture.
“As I’m sure you’re aware, Mr Fenton has been revealed to be somewhat of a celebrity, however, I would like you to respect his privacy, and there will be no discussion of him or anything of the sort in my classroom. I expect you to focus on your work, and nothing else while you’re here. Am I understood?”
“Yes miss,” came the drone of thirty or so students brought an odd sense of relief to Danny. In her own way, his teacher was showing her support, preventing others from pestering him during class. Unfortunately, she could not stop the glances that were sent his way throughout the lesson. Dash in particular seemed to be staring the most, a guilty expression on his face. Oh, Danny was probably going to have an awkward conversation after class, unless he turned invisible to escape, but that would probably just draw more attention to him.
Valerie, on the other hand, appeared to have a swirl on emotions passing behind her eyes as she occasionally glanced at Danny, as though wanting to talk to him, which she of course did. Okay, so that was going to be two awkward conversations after the lesson.
As the teacher told people to pack up, Danny psyched himself up for what awaited him out of Mrs Bray’s classroom. Valerie was aggressively stuffing her bag, and Danny feared what she’d do once they were out of the classroom. Scenarios passed through his head, each of them involving a way in which Danny’s life, or rather the next few minutes of his life, could go wrong.
The instant they were out the classroom a hand grabbed Danny’s arm and dragged him to the janitor’s closet. Valerie stood there, somehow seeming sad, worried and majorly pissed off, all the while managing not to scream. Sam and Tucker burst in, quickly tailing after the ghost boy. “Hey, Valerie, don’t do anything rash,” Sam implored, “wait, are you crying?”
Pearlescent tears were trailing down from Valerie’s eyes, and she wiped them away with her arm. “Tell anyone I’ve cried and you’re dead!” Valerie snapped.
“I wouldn’t think of it,” placated Sam. “Do you want us to leave so you can talk to Danny?”
Valerie shook her head. “No, stay, please.” She almost pleaded towards the end, the emotional strain from the past week bubbling to the surface.
“I’m sorry. For everything. For hunting you, for blaming you for everything that went wrong in my life,” Valerie cried quietly.
“It’s fine, Val I’m sorry for lying to you for all this time.” She looked up to see Danny putting a hand on her shoulder, ice blue eyes radiating comfort. Valerie shook her head again, a lot more violently than she intended to.
“I didn’t exactly give you much choice, did I?”
Danny just shrugged. The bell telling them lessons were starting chose that moment to go off, and panic quickly spread through the group before they conceded themselves to their fate of being late to English.
“Y’know, now would be a great time for a ghost attack we can blame for us being late to class.” Danny tried to lighten the mood, but quickly regretted it when his ghost sense went off - his face falling as the blue mist swirled into the air in front of him at the same time as Valerie’s ghost detector going off. “Okay, I was kidding, but I should probably take care of this.” He suddenly looked nervous. “Want to team up on this one, Val?”
Valerie looked taken aback. “What? You trust me just like that?”
“Well, yeah. You are my friend - our friend.” Danny corrected himself seeing Sam and Tucker opening their mouths to correct him on that point. “Danny’s right,” Tucker said, leaning against the closet door to listen out for the ghost attack.
Sam continued, “as much as I may have been reluctant to admit it, you have become a friend over this time. And by the way, we’ve known about your ghost hunting since the beginning - at the park. You might want to consider getting something to mask your voice if you want to keep a secret identity.”
Valerie felt a blush flush into the cheeks. “You got it,” she said, checking the radar on her ghost detector as she did so. “It’s by the sports hall. I’m new to this teamwork stuff, what do you three do about ghost attacks?”
“Uh, do you two want to handle this one?” Tucker’s hand clasped the door handle. “We can go tell Mr Lancer why you’re late.”
“I’m guessing you want us to keep your ghost hunting a secret Valerie,” Sam asked rhetorically. “We can just tell Mr Lancer that you’re helping Danny out or something and leave it at that.”
“Sounds good to me,” Valerie said, activating her suit, covering her face last. Tucker gave a low whistle at the show of electronics, and glanced to Danny, who seemed unfazed by her suit. Of course he was, this kid had seen it all before.
Seeing that Valerie was comfortable enough in his presence to activate her suit, Danny went ghost, rings of blinding white travelling across his body. Valerie’s mouth was practically on the floor - this much was evident even with her mask. Danny Phantom floated opposite her, rubbing the back of his neck anxiously.
“Ta-da,” he quipped, and Valerie collected herself enough to notice that Sam and Tucker were snickering at her reaction. They quickly scampered off to Mr Lancer’s lesson, and Danny extended his hand to Valerie.
“Wanna try navigating like a ghost?” he asked, eyes twinkling like stars.
She took his gloved hand, and screamed as she was whisked along through the wall. A feeling like being submerged in icy water sent a shiver down Valerie’s spine. Noticing her reaction, Danny landed on the other side of the wall in an empty classroom. “Sorry, I really should have warned you about that.”
“No, it’s fine - just felt cold,” Valerie tried to quell the expression of guilt that had wormed its way into Danny’s face. It was still weird seeing Phantom as Danny, even if his reveal had been caught on camera and broadcast on live TV. There was something innately wrong about seeing your friend as a ghost, and the odd glow he had to his skin didn’t help make him look like the human Danny Fenton she’d known., illuminating his features oddly and making him appear almost as a completely different person.
“Oh, yeah.” Danny fiddled with the hair on the back of his neck. “I kinda forgot - Sam and Tucker are both used to it, and I don’t normally make others intangible.”
“Really, it’s fine. Let’s go find that ghost before it hurts someone,” Valerie insisted.
Danny nodded with renewed determination, and took her hand again tentatively before turning them intangible again and speeding off towards the gym.”
This was certainly different to flying on a hoverboard, Valerie thought to herself. A hoverboard at least somewhat obeyed gravity - ghost flight, not at all. She could somehow feel the movement while at the same time not feeling anything at all, but it was fun nonetheless.
They arrived at the gym’s storage room in a matter of seconds, and another plume of blue mist emerged from Danny’s mouth, indicating that the ghost was near.
“BEWARE!”
The Box Ghost was levitating a crate full of footballs in the air, features alight with menacing glee. He hurled the contents of the crate at the pair of ghost hunters, not realising that Danny had yet to drop his intangibility. Valerie flinched, Danny grinned, and the balls flew right through them. “Want to do the favors?” Danny indicated to the chubby ghost in front of them, now lifting a box of rackets.
“With pleasure.” Valerie activated a moderately sized gun that materialised in her hand, hitting the Box Ghost square in the butt.
He yowled and spun around just in time to be caught in the beam of the Fenton Thermos. He looked like a fat spider being sucked down the plughole, and the onlookers were torn between pity and entertainment at the sight.
“Well, that was anticlimactic,”Danny stated, landing firmly next to Valerie on the floor of the storage room, avoiding the balls scattered across it. “Should we tidy up the mess?”
Valerie looked surprised, recalling the copious amounts of property damage and mess both of them had created in the past.
Reading her expression, Danny explained. “I’ve been wanting to test out a new power, and this is a small enough scale that it should be fine.”
“You have a tidying-up power?” Valerie asked, eyebrow cocked, not that Danny could see it all that easily with her visor.
Danny chuckled, picking up on the heavy sarcasm laced in her tone, and his aura seemed to spark, every one of the balls in the vicinity gaining a bright green aura of their own and lifting into the air. He concentrated, eyebrows knitting together as the footballs drifted into the crate, all but one landing neatly inside it, which then lifted up as well and placed itself in its usual spot on the floor.
“Woah,” Valerie stood next to him stunned while he panted. “Was that telekinesis?”
Danny’s breathing went back to a more normal pace, still considerably deeper than usual. “Yeah. It’s something that most ghosts can do, but I only learnt it recently. As you can see…” He picked up the remaining football with his hand. “I need more practice, but it could be really useful.”
Valerie hummed. “You could use it to get people out of the way of debris, or stop the debris in midair.”
“That’s exactly why I want to perfect this skill.”
Valerie’s mind flashed back to Danny supporting the collapsing building, and she understood fully how important learning this new power was to him.
The two entered the classroom after a somewhat leisurely flight in the direction of the classroom and a stop in a closet to change out of their suit, and into their human form respectively. Mr Lancer stopped his lecture as the door opened, and every head in the room swiveled round to face the late duo.
“Mr Foley and Miss Manson already explained,” Mr Lancer said. “You can speak to me after class if there’s anything you need to catch up on that you missed in your absence.”
“Thanks Mr Lancer.” Danny kept his head down as he made his way over to his seat, which of course had to be practically in the middle of the classroom. He could feel almost every eye in the room boring into his head as he settled down and brought out his books and pencil case. Chatter erupted amongst the students, and Mr Lancer sighed in defeat, knowing that having a ghost hunting ghost as a classmate had not lost its novelty with all the news coverage.
“How’d it go?” Sam asked, leaning over from her seat, taking advantage of the sudden stop to the lesson.
“Fine, it was just the Box Ghost,” Danny dismissed.
“And Valerie was fine?” she hissed, barely over a whisper.
“Yeah, she seems fine with the whole Phantom thing,” Danny replied in a very slightly louder voice, if only so Sam could hear him (she didn’t have the luxury of super-hearing). “She was kinda shocked by the feeling of intangibility, but it’s not a big deal.”
Sam shivered involuntarily. “I can understand that,” she said, still wary of the ghost hunting girl but willing to put aside her hostility and protectiveness for now.
The lesson continued as per usual after Mr Lancer managed to get control of the class again with a cry of “The Adventures of Huck Finn” and continued with his lecture. They didn’t actually finish all the work from that lesson before lunch, but it was good going considering the circumstances.
Lunch was a whole other challenge for Team Phantom, and the trio chose to bag lunch it outside out of fear of being mobbed.
“Dead Teacher 2 is still the best,” Danny said, leaning against the tree they were sat under, mouth half full.
Sam quickly chastised him for talking with his mouth full, before arguing to the contrary, saying that the 1st movie was the best without a doubt.
“I’m with Danny,” Tucker contributed to the conversation, “the second movie was really where they perfected it. Oh, hey Valerie!”
“Hi,” greeted Valerie, walking towards the group, lunch bag clasped close to her body. “Is it okay if I sit with you?”
Sam and Tucker shuffled around to allow her into their circle, and she seated herself on the grass. “So, uh, what’re you guys talking about?”
“Which Dead Teacher movie’s the best,” Sam supplied. “These two think that the second’s the best, even though the first’s obviously better.”
“I haven’t watched the latest ones, but the first one is definitely better than the second.” Valerie opened her bag and fished out a sandwich.
“Betrayal!” Tucker exclaimed, mock fainting with his arm to his forehead.
Sam punched him lightly on his lowered arm, which prompted a cry from the boy. He rubbed his arm and shot her a playful glare, which she returned, complete with a grin.
Valerie observed their antics, somehow feeling like there was more of a sense of unity between her and the trio now that their secrets were out in the open.
“Oh, yeah, Val,” Danny said, sitting up straight. “How’d you like to join Team Phantom?”
“That’s your team name?” She raised an eyebrow and Danny just shrugged. “Sure, but that’ll take some explaining as to why I’m working with you.”
Danny waved off her concerns. “It’ll be fine. We can just say we talked if anyone asks.”
Valerie shook her head mockingly. “How the hell did you keep your secret for as long as you did?”
“We’re pretty sure it was just dumb luck,” interjected Tucker, “emphasis on dumb.”
“What was dumb luck?” an obnoxiously loud voice came from the direction of the school building, and Dash Baxter and his cronies approached them.
The trio tensed, ready for a confrontation, only for Dash to raise his hands in a sign of peace. He suddenly looked a lot smaller, nerves showing through his veneer of toughness.
“I’m sorry, for everything I’ve done to you. If I’d known I was bullying my hero…” Dash’s eyes remained fixed on the ground, inspecting the blades of grass with a pitiful expression, like they’d personally killed his family, which in Amity Park wouldn’t be the weirdest thing that’d happened.
“We’re all sorry, dude. We couldn’t’ve known that you were-” one of the cronies was cut off by Danny.
“I forgive you, but you should bully anyone in the first place.” Danny folded his arms, looking at each of them in turn with a forced hard expression. It really looked odd on his baby face, but Dash and co seemed intimidated nonetheless.
They muttered between each other, before turning to face Danny again with guilty expressions. “We’ll try not to,” Dash said, and Danny unfolded his arms.
“Can you leave us alone?” Valerie demanded, not even trying to hide her hostility.
The bully gang exchanged glances before returning to the main building.
“I can’t believe you’d forgive them just like that. You know they only apologised because you’re Phantom, right?” Val scolded, and Danny looked like a wounded puppy at her words.
“I know, but I don’t want to be a douche,” Danny shrunk back from her.
Sam snorted. “What he’s trying to say is that he doesn’t hold grudges, even when he should, and forgives far to easily, like he’d trying to be some sort of paragon.” Danny scowled.
The rest of the day passed largely uneventfully, if you ignored the frequent whispers, nervous faces and admirers coming to apologise to Danny, thank him, or ask how he got superpowers - something that he declined to answer fully, leading to word quickly spreading that people should stop asking about that because it was rude to ask how a ghost died, which wasn’t entirely wrong, just not the whole reason for why it was a touchy subject for Danny.
All in all, it wasn’t half as bad as Danny had been expecting. It was actually somewhat anticlimactic in his opinion.
He sent a brief text, saying that he was going to talk to Mr Lancer because he missed some of the lesson, to his parents and knocked on the classroom door.
Mr Lancer answered the door, smiling at the halfa. “Daniel. Can I help you?”
Danny shuffled his feet. “Uh, I kinda wanted to catch up on the stuff I missed at the start of your lesson. Why did Arthur Conan Doyle have a recap at the start of the chapter?”
His teacher smiled, and invited him into the classroom, where Danny seated himself at the front of the empty classroom. “The Sherlock Holmes stories were initially serialized in magazines, each chapter in a different magazine, before they were compiled into complete books, so he would frequently recap the story for the sake of readers who may have forgotten the events of the previous chapters.”
Danny nodded, and took notes in his workbook.
“Is there anything else you wanted to ask?” Mr Lancer continued as Danny put his book back in his bag.
“No thanks,” Danny said, zipping up his bag. “Thank you.”
“It’s no problem at all, Danny,” Mr Lancer replied. “How was your first day back at school?”
“A lot better than I expected. I think I’ll be fine here.”
“That’s certainly good to hear.”
Danny made for the door, only to stop when Lancer called out to him. “And remember, my door’s always open if you need to talk.”
“Thanks Mr Lancer.” Danny radiated a cool warmth from his beaming features. “Bye, see you tomorrow.”
#phic phight#phic phight 19#danny phantom#my writing#i'm planning to do at least 1 more short fic and 1 really long one before the end of the phight
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RE: Dating While Queer
Either dating sucks or I suck at dating. It’s more than likely a mix of both, but yeah. Before transitioning, I avoided it. My partners usually had to ask me out and I would struggle with vulnerability until the relationship died. I was afraid that if I was ever honest with someone, I would have to disclose how badly I wanted to be a girl. Even though it made me uncomfortable, dating as a straight boy was like bowling with the bumpers up. Even though I was bad and could still miss the pins when asking someone out (oh dear, was I terrible at asking people out when I did try), there was a cultural script to follow. Eventually, I even got engaged to a woman that knew about my intention to transition and was supportive.
Transitioning in the context of a relationship was a different kind of bumpers. Because I was still attracted to my partner, I didn’t have to worry as much about labels or how my transition might be impacting my sexuality. Eventually, she left. Part of processing that breakup was going through the inventory of things we shared and what I wanted to keep as part of myself. In the process of going through the “us” of the relationship, I realized how much the “me” had really changed. I started this relationship as a man and was now presenting myself and (most of the time) being treated as a woman. I was now a woman that is attracted to women.
It took a lot of time and a lot of therapy for me to ultimately feel like I was deserving of calling myself a lesbian. My sexuality felt secondary to my gender identity and I see lesbianism as more than a sexuality orientation. It’s a subculture with rules, history, terminology, and more. I was also joining the party at the ripe age of 30 so the women in my dating pool would know all these things already. They would have all the labels figured out so I felt like I had to figure out how to label myself! I approached the issue like an academic and read a lot of books on lesbianism. While I was trying to explain all of this to my therapist, herself a 60-something year old lesbian, she stopped me with something to the effect of “Morgan, you’re overthinking this. You’re a lesbian. It’s not that complicated.”
With that vote of confidence, I started dating again and going to local lesbian events around DC. At first, I was terrified that my status as a trans women would alienate me, but I noticed other trans women around the room at the lesbian happy hour and realized it was just a bunch of women that dig other women hanging out on a rooftop in Dupont Circle. The internet had lied to me and I had a great time. Dating followed a similar pattern. I made sure to put my transness front and center on my Ok Cupid profile, but I was still terrified that I was going to be rejected because of it. Instead, the women I dated just treated me like another woman. My transition has only ever comes up when I’m talking to other trans people and it’s only been a positive there. Again, the internet lied to me.
Another thing that I’ve come to realize, that is embarrassingly obvious in hindsight, is that the labels I stressed so much about aren’t that big of a deal. Yes, it’s fun to talk about who is a top or bottom, but things aren’t quite so clear. I’ve even been asked out by people that I assumed were straight. Strict labels don’t really work so well in queer spaces. I said that hetero dating felt like bowling with the bumpers up and now things feel way more complicated. It’s a good thing though. Taking down the bumpers opens opportunities for conversations that might not have happened otherwise. Stuff like, relative position preferences, what feels good, who is paying for dinner, etc. become essential parts of a relationship early on.
Unfortunately, there is a downside. Having these conversations also means that it’s hard not to get invested with people. It’s something I haven’t been mindful of. If things fizzle out or we just end up being friends, I tend to get burned out. Consequently, I tend to date in waves and then take a break when things don’t work out. It’s been a lot of learning about myself as a lesbian and I’ve met a lot of cool people even if I haven’t found another partner yet. It’s all a process.
That’s my journey so far. Dating sucked pre-transition and it still sucks post-transition. After doing a lot of work though, I’ve come to see that a lot of the things that scared me about trying to date as a queer woman turned out to be less complicated in practice. It’s even been fun sometimes!
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True Colors Chapter 31
“Oh Bucky, come here a moment would you?” Nana beckoned from the kitchen. You and Bucky had been training in the backyard. You traded each other confused glances as you can with paused to take a drink of water heading back to the house.
“What can I do for you Nana?” He asked toweling himself off.
“If you are going to be part of this family there a a few things you'll be needing to know.” she explained. Looking around the kitchen You realized she had lain out all the things for her homemade Apple pie. “Like the family Apple pie. Someone in the family will need to pass it on when I'm gone.”
“Nana you taught me how to make that when I was ten.” You chuckled as you got yourself a glass of water.
“Doll...be realistic.” Bucky joked as he wrapped his arms around you from behind kissing your cheek. “You're a terrible cook.”
“Oh don't even get me started… I don't think in all my life I ever saw anyone burn an empty pan before (y/n) came along.” You dropped your head shaking it in shame at the memory as the two laughed.
“Doll how did you manage that?”
“I- I don't even know.” You chuckled as you picked up a knife to cut the apples only to be shooed away from the food by Nana.
“Oh don't feel too badly. Your talents lie elsewhere.” She reassured you as she patted your cheek. This was all too surreal for you, you honestly couldn't recall the last time either your mom or nana being this supportive of you. You found yourself looking for the insults hidden in the conversation, but even then you could still see they were trying.
“THAT is true.” Bucky agreed as he chopped up the apples, having no real desire to learn but seeing that it meant something to her he thought it best to humor her. “Voice of an angel. I assume she gets that from her father?”
“Oh no. Dad was great with instruments and a wonderful teacher but he couldn't carry a tune in a bucket.” You chuckled. “Mom was the vocalist.”
“I've got some home movies stashed in the attic if you are interested.” Your mom chimed in as she made her way into the kitchen to grab a soda.”
“Oh mom please no. Those are so embarrassing.” You begged as your phone chimed, telling you that you had yet another message from your label reminding you that you still had a music video to shoot.
“Oh I wasn't talking about the music.” Bucky rose a brow at Nanas comment before glancing back to his beloved with a questioning look on his face. You just shrugged, sure you had no idea what she was talking about, music had been your life ever since you were small. “She hasn't done it in years, but she used to be quite the dancer.”
You there your head back in laughter. “Nana I dance all the time. Its kinda part of my job.”
“Don't you remember mom?” Your mother asked her. “She was in that musical.”
“No not like that. Don't you remember when you used to come dancing with me?” Bucky looked between the family with a smile, happy to see the rupture that had been there for so many years had finally been mended.
“Oh! You mean dance night at the church! Do they still do that?” You asked with a smile, finding it nice to think of the fond memories of your youth.
“I never miss a week.” Nana answered with a proud smile as she slid the our into the oven. “In fact it's tonight.”
“Oh Nana I don't think it would be a good idea tonight.”
“What's dance night?” Bucky asked with a chuckle.
“Every week the church hosts this ballroom dance class slash social.” You explained. “We wouldn't be there to watch you and that would put you at too much risk sorry Nana but please no.”
“Sounds like a blast to me.” Bucky smiled to the old woman. “If she really has her heart set on going I can take get Doll.” He assured you as he rested his biopic hand over your hip pulling you into his side. “What do you say Nana? Would you be my date?”
~ ~ ~ ~
You weren't sure who you felt worse for, your mom and nana or the school of mutants you left them with to meet up with the team. But it had to be done. You and Bucky were called in to Germany and the school was the safest place you knew.
As you moved through the base like a rainbow whirlwind, ambushing the base in hopes to catch Schmidt before he had a chance to get a way you came across the one man you never dreamed of. He stood there frozen as he looked on you. The man you long ago thought dead. “Daddy?” You whispered before someone ordered him to shoot. You shook your head lightly. No. No way your own father would shoot his baby girl… “Daddy what's-”
BANG
Your world went dark as your suit stained red with your blood. “SPECTRUM!” Bucky shouted with wide eyes as he rushed to your side, looking up to see the man who shot you running in the other direction. His eyes narrowed, face hardening as he looked down the barrel of his gun and pulled the trigger. The bullet caught him in the side sending him to the ground as Bucky stood, storming to the agent, kicking him over so that he could face his death. Flashes of family photos in your living room flew in his mind as he saw who you inherited your eyes from.
“Buck.” You choked on the words as your side gushed blood. He curses lightly under his breath as he slammed the barrel into your father's temple to knock him out before lifting the both of you to rush you to the quinjet.
“Umm Frosty...that man's skull is not red.” Tony informed him as he rushed past him to get you to the med bay as fast as possible.
“Yeah I see that.” He replied as he dropped your long lost father. “Look familiar?” He asked as he broke into the med kits.
“Holy Sh-” Tony bit back the swear as everyone regrouped. “What happened to him?”
“He shot (Y/n).” Bucky answered as he tore open your uniform, to pack gauze on the bullet hole in your side. Just from where it was he could tell it missed anything important. So long as he could stop the bleeding soon it will be little more than a scar. But how that scar got there, he was sure that would haunt you.
~ ~ ~ ~
You sat up in your bed, pastel rainbow hair spilling in your eyes as, your shirt pulled up as your fingers traced lightly over the scar the bullet had left, knowing it will forever be there as a reminder to who your father really was. You drew in a sigh letting the firey pain shot up your side as you lowered your feet to the cold tile floor. Only hair fell in your eyes as your mind raced with the same question over and over. But how? You remembered burying him. You watched them lower his casket in the grave. But in a way it didn't matter how. He was here. He was in the basement. Next to Mike. “Time for a family reunion.” You muttered to yourself as you willed your body to stand. Every step was pain, burning in your side and agony in your soul.
“Doll?” Bucky rushed to your side like your knight in shining armor. “You should be in bed.” He said as he wrapped a supportive arm around you.
“This is more important.” You stated stubbornly as you took his arm to support yourself. “Help me downstairs.” You added with a groan as you felt the wound shoot jabs of pain through you.
~ ~ ~ ~
“I think you owe me an explanation.” You demanded as you looked down to your father sitting on the floor of his cell.
“Yeah Dad...what the hell?” Mike asked as he leaned against the bars to his own cell, power dampening collar blinking dully under his straight jacket. Normally you would be against such mutant treatment. But in his case you knew it was necessary. “Go on Dad. Tell her.”
“You shut up.” Bucky snapped pulling a gun out to point in Mike's direction. “Or I'll kill you myself.”
Your father's eyes closed in shame as he turned away. He drew in a deep breath as he stood, finding the strength to turn and face you. “I joined HYDRA the summer before I started college. I'm in their recruitment division. Your mother never even knew. But the thing about Hydra once you're in you don't get to leave.” He glanced up to Bucky. “You know that first hand don't you son.”
Bucky's face grew hard as his bionic fist clenched. “Don't call me that. Ever.”
“Is Mike my brother?” You asked, though somewhere deep down you already knew the answer.
He nodded gently. “The worst mistake I ever made. Hydra caught wind of mutants and wanted me to start recruiting them. When I figured out Mike was one I knew I had to get away from you guys. That wasn't the life I wanted for my baby girl.”
“You better shut up old man or Sin's going to get mad.” Mike warned With a demented growl.
“Who's going to tell her? You're never seeing the outside of this cell again. And neither am I.” Your father snapped back before reaching his hand out to you. “God I hope I didn't do any real damage to you back there. Are you alright baby girl? I'm so sorry. For everything.”
“I'll live.” You said flatly as he gripped your hand pulling you to him. “If your truly sorry then tell us who they sent to watch mom.”
“What? No They never bothered with your mother. As far as they are aware your relationship with her is too strained to use her as leverage against you.”
“What do they even want with me?” You asked, tears in your eyes. “I'm just a singer.”
“They gave up on mutant recruitment when they realized a human wouldn't be able to find them. But then you came along. A guiding star for all the mutants of the world. Red Skull wants you to corrupt mutant kind to Hydra.” His eyes welled With tears as he looked up to his daughter, so proud of what you became without him. “I'm so sorry sweetheart. If I could go back I would have done things worlds differently. Never give them what they want. Never stop being the amazing light you are.” He begged before grabbing Bucky's gun and pulling the trigger, splattering your brother on the wall before doing the same to himself, preferring death to what would happen if Hydra ever learned he lived and told. This was the only way he could truly protect you from himself. With a gasp of horror you buried yourself into Bucky as his blood and bits of brain sprayed you.
#marvel#marvel x reader#Avengers#avengers x reader#bucky#Bucky Barnes#bucky x reader#Winter Soldier#winter soldier x reader
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65 Questions You Aren't Used To (well, i found this and i know no one it’s going to ask me these things cause people barely follow me here, so i’ll just answer everything)
1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you?
Nope
2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you?
1
3. The person you would never want to meet?
My ex-girlfriend’s new boyfriend.
4. What is your favorite word?
Foles
5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be?
A Weed tree
6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought?
“Shit, here we go again”
7. What shirt are you wearing?
A old vans gray shirt that I have since 2010(?)
8. What do you label yourself as?
Weird and unpredictable.
9. Bright room or dark room?
Dark
10. What were you doing at midnight last night?
Sleeping
11. Favorite age you’ve been so far?
19
12. Who told you they loved you last?
My mom
13. Your worst enemy?
My thoughts
14. What is your current desktop picture?
Tyler while singing WDBWOTV at the LollapaloozaBR this year.
15. Do you like someone?
Yeah
16. The last song you listened to?
Tears Won’t Cry - The Maine
17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?
Trump
18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?
Bolsonaro, Trump or anyone on the Francischini fucking family.
19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do?
Nick Foles. I would have him throwing me the ball all day long and chat about life and how the fuck he is able to be so awesome and keep it calm all the time.
20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional)
I have no fucking idea, I think my best physical attribute could be that i may not have any exaggeration? I’m not so tall and not so small. I’m not so fat and not so skinny. I’m just your average white guy.
21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do?
I think i would be like Avril Lavigne at the beginning of her career on that skater look. I have no fucking idea on what I would do.
22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it?
Maybe the writing? I do think I’m able to write some awesome stuff. Sad stuff when I’m down, but i also used to write a lot of good/happy/lovely stuff when i was in love and with my mind on the right place.
23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of?
Pressure cooker if we’re talking palpable stuff. But what I’m really afraid it’s to not find someone special to spend the rest of my life with.
24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal.
Sliced meat, gouda cheese, raw red onions, garlic mayo, crispy bacon on a toasted baguette.
25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it?
Food, beer and pot.
26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go?
Philadelphia (on 99 out 100 opportunities)
27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be?
Bodebrown beer, an amazing beer made here at my city.
28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?
Don’t be an asshole.
29. What is your favorite expletive?
“Filha da puta” (son of a bitch)
30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno?
My xbox one.
31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?
Can be what I’m living on right now? If i’m talking on something about my past i would erase the day I applied to work on a cruise ship, that shit fucked me up so much.
32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world!
Philadelphia
33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?
Man, I have the greatest luck that I’ve never lost someone really close to me yet. So I think i can spend this ‘wish’ on bringing Mac Miller back to earth, he went so early
34. What was your last dream about?
I don’t really remember, the last dream I remember was two nights ago and it was about her of course, it’s the only thing I’ve been dreaming about lately. Picturing and imagining all the kinds of scenarios and situations that would be able to brought us back together again.
35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]?
Friend?
36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital?
Yep
37. Have you ever built a snowman?
Yes, at the only time I went to Europe. My snowman was fucking ugly hahahaha
38. What is the color of your socks?
White with a bit of red and blue.
39. What type of music do you like?
Mostly something that i can relate myself to. But my favorites types of music are Alternative Rock, Punk, Pop/Punk, Hardcore, Indie, Emo and whatever type that i could fit Twenty One Pilots and John Mayer. I also love 90’s hip hop.
40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?
Sunsets
41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor?
Strawberry
42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer)
Philadelphia Eagles and Liverpool
43. Do you have any scars?
Some little scars.
44. What do you want to be when you graduate?
Teacher
45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
I would like to be a little less sensitive about a lot stuff. I’d love for me to not be bothered by dumb shit.
46. Are you reliable?
Yes
47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?
When all of this madness on my mind gonna pass? If it’s that it will pass someday.
48. Do you hold grudges?
Unfortunately a bit, on some specific stuff.
49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create?
This one is tough, I will not think on how this new animal would really fit into planet earth. I love dogs and I love turtles and how both live so I’d breed these two.
50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had?
I had a few but right now I can’t quite remember which one was the most unusual.
51. Are you a good liar?
Unfortunately, I think so.
52. How long could you go without talking?
A long time.
53. What has been you worst haircut/style?
The only time i cutted it without Rafa (who’s cut my hair since 2008 i guess). Before some holiday he was out and I had to go to some other place, it didn't go so well.
54. Have you ever baked your own cake?
Just while i was working at a brownie factory, while studying culinary of course and while i was a intern in a expensive restaurant that they put at bakery a few times. But I’d never baked my own cake outside those 3 situations.
55. Can you do any accents other than your own?
I don’t think so.
56. What do you like on your toast?
Butter and turkey breast.
57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of?
A gate. Was drawing it to go along some ‘Heaven’s Gate - FOB” lyrics that i wrote at my notebook. ‘Cause everything else it’s a substitute for your love...’
58. What would be you dream car?
A jeep like I already have but without all the mechanics flaws of it.
59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain.
Always
60. Do you believe in aliens?
No
61. Do you often read your horoscope?
A few times but I don’t really believe on it.
62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet?
M
63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons?
As a huge Charizard fan, i’m obligated to choose dragons.
64. What do you think about babies?
I like them. Would love to have kids at the right time of my life and with the right person.
65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of.
No questions here, i’ll just leave a picture of my dog here, cause she’s the best!
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