#ConJob

[kisafilms]

Film Review – Con Job (2024)

Con Job (2024)  Director – Ian Niles (Lie Hard) Cast – Ian Niles, Menuhin Hart, Dean Edwards, T.L. Flint, Aaron Berg, Julia Claire Schweitzer Plot – Selfish hustler Chris (Niles) employs the support of his best friend Angus (Hart) to try and swindle Chris’s long-term acquittance and August’s brother Tim (Edwards) out of Film Review – Con Job (2024) Read the full article

[petty-d4bblr]

My John Constantine doodle for @ratblazer DtiYS

[coldalbion]

Hellblazer: Dead in America #1 (2024) Words: Si Spurrier, Art: Aaron Campbell, Colours: Jordie Bellaire

[the-patrex]

Been listening to my John Constantine playlist while doing some late night work and damn I COOKED with that

[agent371]

[venus-of-the-hrdsell]

Computer, enhance.

There he is.

[galaxywitch9]

My take for @ratblazer's DTIYS of good ol' ConJob

And a close up:

[frasier-crane-style]

As much havoc as Teen Titans Go has wracked, I think there is potential for a Superman or even Superboy show that's modestly similar. It wouldn't be an action cartoon, it wouldn't be a soap opera... I'm thinking of something more along the lines of Batman: Brave And The Bold.

I'd call it Superman Family. It'd be based on the Otto Binder Superman comics of the sixties. It would have no continuing storylines, no real stakes... it'd be more of a sketch comedy, like Animaniacs, with nine-minute segments instead of a whole half-hour adventure.

The gimmick would be that it'd be based on all those crazy Superdickery covers that get passed around the internet. Superman's Girlfriend: Lois Lane. Superman's Pal: Jimmy Olsen. Supergirl. Krypto the Super-Dog. Even Lex Luthor.

You probably already have an idea of the plots. Lois trying to trick Superman into marrying her or prove Clark Kent is Superman. Jimmy Olsen getting turned into Turtle-Boy. Lex Luthor coming up with a new scheme to destroy Superman. Superman coming up with an elaborate conjob to teach Supergirl a lesson about something. All played for campy laughs.

I know Brave And The Bold kinda did the same gag and that was with the more popular Batman and they got away with that by riffing off Adam West and no doubt a lot of people still hated it. And that there's no way you could get away with a largely white, non-gay cast in the age of Avatar rip-offs. Even Lois Lane being a comedic figure instead of a role model would be a hard sell.

But let me dream. It'd be nice to have some comic book media that's pure silliness by design instead of out of irony. And just imagine Patrick Warburton as Superman.

[constantineshots]

do you remember what issue is it where John is being called "uncle con-job"? I think it's where a boy got possessed or something..

boys get possessed all the time so you’d have to be more specific, BUT i may have a general idea?

however, the name conjob is used a lot, and i think it was generated by his friend, who had kids, so it’s possible he may have said something about “uncle con-job” in that sort of situation. he was also asked to be a godfather to one of their newborns, so there’s that!

it could potentially be in dani’s time around, so I’d say somewhere between #105 and onwards. if i recall correctly, i think it was under jenkins/phillips but i could be wrong. dani isn’t around too long, but she’s one of my favorites.

[larrythefloridaman]

For character bingo, someone I'm sure you have no thoughts or opinions on,,,,Crimson CPUK?

i had a whole extended fucking tirade written about crimson but tumblr ate it so fuck me i guess. most of it'll be in the crimtoinette fic in Spirit because im psychologically incapable of writing shipfic that isnt also a character study of at least one participant but the point of what i wrote was this:

"imagine if a Paradise Lost 'daddy-issues-satan' type guy was an insufferable 'love is a neurochemical conjob'-ass selfish lonely hedonistic ex-catholic atheist reddit doomer who tempts and enables people to explore the worst parts of themself in a principled war of rebellion against god in an 'arent you tired of being NICE? dont you just want to go APESHIT?' sorta way fully convinced of his irreconcilable separation from good and good things without Taking them like a parasite because his abuser trapped him in a vicious inescapable cycle of punishment and death. and imagine if he got to start healing and rediscover hope again when he learned that this was all a worthless effort because his abuser, again, Kind Of God, wanted to and would've always demonized him regardless of what he did by nature of her own arbitrary choice defining him as inherently evil by nature of birth and so he had no reason to shackle himself to cruelty any longer because there was never any revolutionary point being made in doing it he was just making her job easier and his own life harder for no real gain, not even a spiritual victory of pyrrhic resistance against her toxically positive absolutist power, so he can let his guard down and soften and grow and there will be people who despite everything will meet the real, honest him with compassion, instead of him dragging others down with him into the tar pit of his own toxic misery he's been privately stewing in for longer than most of the cast has been alive trying to be something he isn't, trying to make a point to someone who was never listening and never going to, if he will meet punishment and hurt no matter what, whether its deserved or not, whats the point in making it worse? but hes still kinda trying to be a little bitch about it as he babysits children and saves lives by force of habit. would that not be fucking harrowing. would that not be fucking incredible. would that not be fucking hilarious. is that not profoundly endearing to everyone else. also transgenderism is SO cool"

[radio-charlie]

Whole bunch of feds in here! If you take their advice on what works you might as well fling you and your dog on top of a bed of unevenly spaced apart swords. Don't worry about 'empathy', but do proceed on the basis of love, and be clear that love here means an investment in the well-being of your fellow man that comes from you giving a shit about them as a person and not as a means. This sort of love, not nebulous 'holding space for others' groupchats and letting the most status-quo-friendly community members get away with everything. Or 'avoiding things that just feel yucky'. Then you necessitate in your criteria not proceeding based on vibes. It's almost like what the above are complaining about doesn't have to be a problem or something.

It is okay, in your rallying cries and outreach, to use love as shorthand. It is effective as both a way to make something seem less threatening in an age of pervasive threat and a way to appeal to something people feel they can share more easily than "built on everybody having done the readings and having the correct opinions about them all", "not making three specific really mean people in the group angry" etc.

The revolutionaries these absolute overpaid conjobs pretend to admire have also used 'love' strategically. You can do the same. And so don't feel bad about your tags necessarily. Just make sure you go somewhere with them.

[zorilleerrant]

Hi, I absolutely loved the previous ask I sent and was wondering if you would mind doing another? I was thinking either 15 clingy or 46 reversal with Constantine? Or, if not, then your choice of character? Thank you so much!

(I'll absolutely do more; my brain is kind of stuck on all my current WIPs so I'm not making a lot of momentum, not even with Lex's ranty blog entries. WIP more like RIP me amirite)

Constantine is no stranger to the reversal of fortunes. This is one of the central features of the Synchronicity Highway: a streak of good luck is a bad time to ride it, because the house always wins sooner or later, and the universe is a house with a fuckload of bouncers who don't care whether or not you come back. A run of shit luck, though? The perfect time to let it take you where you need to be.

Constantine is peripherally aware, if he lets himself be introspective, which he tries never to do these days, that the only reason it works so well is that the only place he ever wants to be is away from here, and there's nothing magic likes more than to whisk one into the unknown, far from all they know and love, but far from hate, and usually politics, too. If he had more of a sense of adventure - well, if he had more of a sense of adventure, he'd probably have promoted his band the way he was told to, instead of hiding from interviewers.

Not that, he figures, his life would've been much better as a musician. Starving every other day, still. Doing odd jobs, still. Gaz just as dead from an overdose and no danger to the world, but everyone's world still ended, staring down at his waxy face. Fingers blistered, callouses in all the wrong places, no longer able to hold a playing card the right way to throw it, not without a cramp, and still, always, getting too old for this shit. Chas would probably be happier, anyway.

The only time Synchronicity really works is when some naif believes it will, someone credulous enough, with enough trust in Constantine, and enough will of their own to guide them somewhere meaningful. Somewhere beautiful in its own right. Used to be he could trust family for that. Well, not Dad, his faith in the Almighty was steadfast enough it was a wonder Constantine could've cursed him in the first place. Tiny Johnny, enamored with the wonders of tricks in a Real Magic Book could barely float a quarter in front of him, and levitation came easy to him, those early days. It's not like a Chosen One's going to come along every week, take his hand and look at him with those wide lamb eyes, and ask - am I really evil? Every time?

He likes Chosen Ones, if he's being honest. Something neat in that package, a quest that can be finished and left at the door. A story that's larger than him, some grand sweeping narrative that Conjob only plays the bittiest part in. Philosophy he doesn't so much care for. It's easier having no answers than too many, and the shifting world only adds more at his fingertips, less than a phone call away when he has some idle query that he doesn't yet know can ruin his life.

Books were easiest, as the tiniest lad on the block, every block, every time. Books had answers. (Too many answers. Too many tempting questions.) Books never hit him or turned him upside down, books never dared him into the deepest shadows of the quarry. Books never spoke his father's name, his own name, with laughter and words he'd be punished for if he brought them home. Lightly, himself, but with the harsher echo heard through the wall as he bit his tongue. Books were steadfast and kind, through every change of address, every change of parent, every twist of his early life.

The friendless child had his stack of books, and the charming adult had his music, and that's its own synchronicity, really. Its own reversal. Different hands in different places and different voices screaming different words. It always nags at him, whether the band ever needed him. Everything else in his life drew him there, one way or another. The band may have been pure coincidence.

Magic is shaped by will, by belief, by the kind of conviction that bends the universe around it. Everyone knows that. It's the first thing people teach, the first thing people learn, the beginning of half the spellbooks he owns. That's what draws you in, on the highway, that and not really anything to do with you. You're just a magical magnet, drawn to someone who needs your help.

It's not always help. Constantine knows as well as anyone that sometimes you're drawn to someone who just needs a warm body to tear into, or someone who needs your magic as a component rather than a tool. Sometimes you're drawn to a tragedy so long ago and far a way the echo shocks a ripple down the back of your neck, scaring your ghosts into silence for a handful of breaths. Sometimes it's a trap, or you're a hindrance, or it's someone else's story you've stumbled into as a comedy relief bit. Sometimes, though, someone needs help, and that's all the world really is, isn't it? Everyone calling for help and you struggling to answer when you can.

He's changed a flat, more than once. It's funny, in a highway way, when that happens. It's funny when Chas gives him The Look, even when he reminds his friend it's an invaluable life skill. Even when he's helped change Chas's tires. Some thanks. He's helped find lost pets, told too many people he couldn't much help find lost anyone else. He's screamed at a few newbie practitioners. Confiscated their grimoires. If he's in a friendly mood, pointed them in the direction of help. He's decked a politician or two. That's always fun.

And sometimes, sometimes he's on the run from the filth, trying not to whisper words through panted breaths before he turns himself into a toad, and slips into the space between spaces. Everywhere has its alleys, literal and metaphorical, and the liminal is harder to avoid the stronger the wifi signal permeates the air. Sometimes he slips through, runs, jogs along with a fitness group, follows tourists photographing ducks. Takes a bus, and a train, and then a taxicab he's sure isn't from the country he ends up in. Walks, doing like he always promises he will, and smelling the roses.

Only they're not roses, though, and he comes back to himself to the strong scent of sweet basil, a windowbox carefully planted to flourish in the sun. Soft music playing, classical, but by some local band fundraising for - he can't remember. He bought their CD. He raises his hand to knock on the door, but he hesitates, the way he always does, goes to turn away. They need him here about as much as they ever did, and he doesn't need to reverse their fortunes, too.

But his sister's smile he could never turn away from, the delighted surprise as she takes him by the hand, asks him, "of course you'll stay for dinner, Johnny," sits him down at the table before he responds. Gemma gives him the least impressed look a teenager has ever bestowed on anyone, glancing back down at her phone, ignoring Cheryl's attempts to cajole her into setting the table. Even Tony's jokes can't turn Constantine away from the marvel that is his family, whole and hale again, sitting right across from him like they weren't a universe and lifetime away, out of sight and out of mind.

He stays for dinner.

[msweebyness]

Weeby & Sparky’s Song Ratings!!!

Hey, y’all! This was something me and Sparky did, where we rated the hero/villain songs of the characters we used for MirrorVerse! @imsparky2002 @artzychic27

Villain:

Weeby:

1. Be Prepared- God Tier. Everything about this song is amazing. It’s memorable and has a great sound. Just the most epic villain song, and Jeremy Irons absolutely kills it.

2. Oogie Boogie’s Song- Loved this song since I was a kid and that’s not changing. Catchy as all hell, and so creepily entertaining. Also, Ken Page can SING!

3. Friends on the Other Side- Fun, jazzy and that ending hits SO hard. Gotta love Keith David.

4. Poor Unfortunate Souls- Just so much fun to listen to and sing along as dramatically as possible. The perfect song to introduce us to Ursula.

5. Shiny- Tamatoa is just such a fun villain and this song always makes me get up and dance. SHINY~!

6. Gaston- Never fails to make me laugh and just an all around fun tune. So overblown and conceited, it’s Gaston as a song! Also the meme parodies are fun.

7. Hellfire- An epic and dark tune, love the choir backing and chants. Not one of my top, but still awesome.

8. Mother Knows Best- Disney managed to take gaslighting and make it into a catchy tune. Props for that.

9. Cruella De Vil- A classic that you can’t help but hum every once in a while, but not one of my top.

10. Snuff Out the Light- It’s an okay song, I just don’t see Yzma as a villain to sing, I guess.

11. You’re Only Second Rate- So-so. It’s catchy enough, but the lyrics feel a bit too…silly for Jafar.

12. Hi Diddle Dee Dee- Eh. It’s a song that exists, kinda annoying to be honest.

Sparky:

1. Hellfire - SUPREME GOD TIER. In my opinion not just the greatest disney song, but the greatest villain song of all time. Absolutely gothic, epic, suggestive and fits Frollo's character to a T. The ending gives me chills EVERY time. I would sin for Tony Jay.

2. Poor Unfortunate Souls - Now I admit I prefer the Annapatsu version, but overall it's so delightfully bombastic and dramatic. You really feel like you're being manipulated by Ursula.

3. Friends on the Other Side - Keith. David. Is. Amazing. Oh, and Randy Newman killed it with the ending.

4. Mother Knows Best - It's like the friendlier version of Poor Unfortunate Souls and really nails the manipulative horrible parent feeling.

5. Shiny Gayest song and a great tribute to David Bowie, so you know it's amazing.

6. Oogie Boogie Song - A awesome ragtime halloween bop and Oogie's got some pipes!

7. Gaston - So hilarious and perfectly arrogant, just like Gaston.

8. Hi Diddle Dee Dee - It's a joke song and it's short... but goddamn it I find it hilarious. I feel like it's the perfect sort of fake conjob song for John.

9. Be Prepared - I love Jeremy Irons performance... but overall the lyrics and tone just feel too goofy for Scar? I actually would've loved if it sounded like the 2019 version, even if Scar never sang, the orchestrals sounded awesome.

10. Cruella De Vil - Eh... it's alright. A small little jazzy tune, but man we missed out on a frantic rocker for Cruella.

11. Snuff Out the Light - Eartha King nails it but overall it's mid.

12. You're Only Second Rate - Feels like them trying to capture the magic of Friend Like Me, except Jafar isn't Robin Williams by a longshot.

Hero:

Weeby:

1. When Will My Life Begin- Whenever this song comes on, I am singing the lyrics at the top of my lungs. So bright and fun and really tells you who Rapunzel is.

2. Just Can’t Wait to be King- Such a fun and spunky tune, I’m always dancing and singing with baby Simba.

3. Almost There- Inspiring and catchy as all hell. I’ve always loved Tiana and this song really reflects her determination.

4. Go the Distance- Just a sweet, beautiful and kinda dorky song, perfect for Herc! Love this one to death!

5. Evermore- SO. FREAKIN. EPIC. Favorite song from the remake. Was…on the fence about them giving the beast a song, but they knocked it out of the park!

6. A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes- SO underrated, and just an all-around beautiful and sweet song.

7. Reflection- Such a gorgeous song, Lea Salonga’s vocals are on point and you can’t help but feel for Mulan.

8. Let it Go- Epic power ballad that I can’t help but sing to. Not my fave but I love it!

9. Friend Like Me- Robin Williams is incredible, so is the Will Smith cover, this song is just a bop.

10. Part of Your World- Jodi Benson is an amazing singer and this song is super fun for karaoke.

11. What Else Can I Do?- Love my girl Isabela and seeing her come into her own in this song!

12. Out There- A sweet and hopeful song that makes my heart hurt for Quasi. It gets me every time.

13. One Jump Ahead- Upbeat, frantic and fun, the perfect intro to Aladdin’s life.

14. Nobody Like U- Catchy as hell and SO 2000’s nostalgia.

15. Bibbidi Bobbidi Boo- So fun and makes me miss my childhood, pretending to be the fairy godmother!

16. Once Upon A Dream- Lived this song as a kid, but now…it’s just average. Vocals are beautiful but it just doesn’t stick out.

17. Belle- Eh, the song is catchy but I always felt so bad for Belle. Like, they are essentially *singing* about how weird she is TO HER FACE.

18. Someday My Prince Will Come- Beautiful vocals but just never grabbed my attention I guess.

19. I’ve Got No Strings- Just eh. Pinocchio’s part is cute, but the rest…just eh.

Sparky:

1. Reflection - Amazing vocals, absolutely tearjerking lyrics and instrumentals. It's one of if not the only hero song that's truly depressing. Also the part where she belts as she takes off her makeup... soul shattering and beautiful.

2. Someday My Prince Will Come - I know that it isn't exactly empowering but.... oh my god this song is absolutely gorgeous. It is sort of hard to understand what she's saying, but the orchestrals are phenomenal and the singer gives it everything she's got. I genuinely feel like tearing up everytime I hear it.

3. Part of Your World - This goes entirely to Jodi Benson. My god what a singer. Such an epic "I Want" song.

4. Friend Like Me - Both Robin and Will knock it out of the park. There's so much bouncyness and explosive music in this and it totally fits the character.

5. A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes - Just... beauty in auditorial form. Reminds me of a Sinatra song for some reason. My god is it beautiful.

6. Once Upon a Dream - It feels like a waltz and a lullaby at the same time. Reminds me of a Paul McCartney track.

7. Almost There - A very determined tune and subtle and grounded, perfect for Tiana. Randy Newman once again nailed it.

8. Go the Distance - Roger Bart perfectly fits it and you really feel for young Herc. It's very Broadway but I love it for that reason.

9. One Jump Ahead - Such a punchy and frantic track and really makes you feel like you are running alongside Aladdin.

10. Nobody Like U - GODDAMN! Easily the catchiest song for me and such a nice fusion of modern pop and 2000s boy bands.

11. Out There - Like you said, sweet and hopeful, though I don't really like Quasi's vocals.

12. When Will My Life Begin? - Perfectly fitting of Rapunzel, and a great pop song... but I feel like it's a bit too 2010 Pop song rather than Disney opener.

13. What Else Can I Do? - Eh... I just found the song to be sort of forgettable. Nothing against the character, the song just didn't stand out to me. Felt too much like a generic pop song.

14. Belle - It's just a song about how Belle's "odd". Not much else to say.

15. Let It Go - In my own opinion, extremely overplayed AND overrated and only saved by the fact that Idina Menzel is an amazing singer.

16. Just Can't Wait to be King - The child singer is amazing, but overall I guess I just found it to be a bit forgettable?

17. Bibbidi Bobbidi Boo and I've Got No Strings - Both of these are joke songs to me. Perfectly fine little ditties but just that, little ditties.

18. Evermore - This is entirely because they absolutely BUTCHERED Dan Stevens' voice with autotune. I mean... my god he sounds like a malfuctioning vocaloid! Pianos and strings are nice but the voice is just too horrendous. A shame, it could have been decent.

Leave your own rankings in the comments and reblogs!

[mrswhymrhow]

YOU PULLED GHAT HEARTSTRING CONJOB ON ME? YOU PIECE OF SHIT

[agent371]

Quick question bout John's Nicnames

[venus-of-the-hrdsell]

I'm reading all the original Hellblazer, it's been really fun, despite the massive amounts of psychic damage. So hard to put down!

BUT, I'm up to the second run of Garth Ennis, Son of a man which I was really excited for...until I saw how John Higgins draws John 😬. Omg. Not sure if you agree with me on this but it's AWFUL! Now i've read a lot of comics with bad art but this one is really taking me out of it and kind of ruining it. John looks so much like an American 80s action star that I can't even hear his Liverpool accent anymore. Why did he draw John with SO many muscles, he literally made him a chad. The man is SHREDDED. Like an absolute beefcake! He looks like he might actually be able to fight! And I'm like??? John Constantine has never done an ounce of exercise in his entire life, unless you count all his running away, but even then he can't get far with his 40 silk cuts a day. I'm just....slightly annoyed, I know it's dumb but I haaaaate it. Jacked John is not something I thought I was afraid of until now. Sorry for the rant.

I'm glad you are enjoying the comics! It's truly a fun ride, and I do agree with the psychic damage definitely 😭 it's not a comic for everyone.

Son of Man is specifically a story I didn't like, even while I enjoyed most of Ennis stories in earlier issues of Hellblazer. But aside from that, I 100% agree in what you say about the art, there's NO WAY John would be that ripped.

Like, bonus points to Higgins for giving Johnny that gay ass pink mesh tank top, but the body type simply doesn't add up. The fact that he's getting his ass beat in this specific scene makes it even funnier.