#Complicated thoughts in general

[rest-your-head-in-my-lap]

<3

This blog is a cozy place for everyone with a complicated relationship to sex and sexual attraction. I'm an asexual who doesn't experience much sexual sensation (ie; I don't physically feel horny or sexual pleasure, at least alone.) I've gone through quite a few phases having to do with my feelings on sex in general, and I'd like to write about them here. And if it helps anyone that'd be lovely.

To all the hypersexuals, people on the ace spectrum, or just any fae with complicated thoughts on it all, This is my love letter to you. I'll be tagging my commentary or rambles on sex and related things separately to any porn or similar content, just in case you don't want to see it. Tags: Commentary/Rambles- Let's talk about it Erotic shit/Horny comments- Let's fuck about it

[inkskinned]

we were sitting on the floor and i was cutting out tiny pictures to make a collage for a friend's birthday. you were on your phone and you laughed about something, and i was still in love with you then, so i asked what had you giggling.

"sorry. i was just..." you took a moment and went back to texting. "i was telling someone about how you're afraid of the dark."

i'm afraid of the dark because something bad happened. "oh." i felt a little slinky of shame crawl down my throat.

you glanced up, and maybe it showed on my face, because you rolled your eyes and held the phone to the side casually so i could see the group chat. "what? was it a secret?"

i looked down to the scissors in my hand. "i just..." no, it's not a secret. it just felt like something private, something serious. saying why would you tell someone that just feels like an accusation. it's unfair. i honestly am not even ashamed of it, it's just a fact about my person that i don't usually share.

what a strange experience. is this a human thing or a generational thing? for our grandparents: did they need to worry about how quickly someone can just... share your personal information? again, i didn't even really have a true objection. what could i say? i want any person in my life to feel they can be honest with their friends. it's not like i said don't tell anyone this.

i cut out another letter to complete the rainbow happy birthday, started hunting for the exclamation mark. i heard you sigh dramatically.

"don't make a big deal about this," you said.

this entire conversation was a pattern for us, and this was when we got to my least favorite part of the pattern. i would get my feelings hurt in some oblique not-technically-terrible way, and then it would be making a big deal about something. you'd get frustrated for me for being soft, but i was born soft. you knew i was soft when you pierced me. it's one of the things that made controlling me so easy.

"i'm not," i felt my voice crack. the question came without my wanting. "why are you guys talking about me?" and why are you saying that thing? why not like - i'm telling them how you're generous and kind and pretty.

you let out this low, tragic groan. "oh my god." you tossed the phone away from your body. "there, see? i just won't talk to them if you don't like it."

the rest of the hour went the way it always went, between us: i said i don't actually mind if you talk to your friends but -, you found a way to call my minor expression of discomfort "being dramatic." you got upset that i had been offended. i ended up apologizing, even though i hadn't actually done anything.

afterwards, you picked up the phone again. after texting for a little bit, you snorted. "okay," you said, "but it is kind of funny you're afraid of the dark. i mean, when you think about it."

[asha-mage]

MDZS AU where Jiang Cheng realizes that Lan Sizhui is the Wen orphan that Wei Wuxian took care off during the Burial Mounds arc, decides that's close enough to qualify him as Nephew, declares that no Nephew of His (much less a surrogate son of Wei Wuxian's) is going to be raised in the Cloud Recedes, and immediately launches into a custody battle with Lan Wangji.

But since neither Jiang Cheng or Lan Wangji can acknowledge that Sizuhi has any connection to Wei Wuxian, both begin steadfastly and stubbornly insisting that he is a Cultivator of peerless potential and skill and he belongs in their sect thank you very much, and would clearly be very unhappy in the other's. This confuses the hell out of the already mystified Cultivation world, who had barely adjusted yet to gossiping about Sizhui being Wangji's illegitimate child by mysterious love affair.

(Eventually the common consensus in the rumor mills is that both JC and LW where in love with Sizhui's mother and both believe themselves to be Sizhui's real father.)

(LW couldn't care less what gossips say, but JC has to bite his tongue till it bleeds to avoid telling anyone the truth in a fit of anger.)

(It was Nie Huaisang who put that rumor out in the first place, partly to troll JC, partly because, in a way, it's a little true.)

[egophiliac]

Since book 7 part 5 (the part where we meet Meleanor/Maleanor 👀) is coming to EN this month, i would love to see your take on lilia’s proposal to meleanor! i mean they were like little kids right? it couldn’t have been that serious…i think the only reason she even brought it up again is because she could tell lilia still genuinely loved her…(even if he didn’t realize it himself?) but, oh well! Let’s think about silly childhood shenanigans to numb the pain! ^_^ (orz)

oh shit?! get ready for a doozy guys, it's comiiiiiing ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

I chickened out of posting the whole thing (look, I get VERY carried away when it comes to these wacky kids and their Tragedy), but I do believe that it probably ended with Lilia getting embarrassed and just shoving the first thing he sees into his mouth to try and cover for it.

(we're just lucky it wasn't a frog this time)

[burningtheroots]

A common question and critique, both in feminist literature and in (online) feminist spaces, is ”Why aren’t the good men doing more for women? Why are they still so passive despite being the 'good' ones?”

Okay, so the answer is actually pretty simple.

At best, these self-proclaimed or so-called "good men" don’t care as long as it isn’t inconvenient for them personally.

At worst, they either secretly or openly enjoy women‘s oppression, humiliation, violation — both due to mere sadism and due to the fact that they actively benefit from it, personally as well as systemically.

That‘s why "good men" are nearly non-existent. Some might be allies when it comes to certain topics (though probably not for genuine women-oriented reasons, and yes, intention matters), however, they‘ll still be misogynistic and oppressive in other ways, or tolerate those who are.

And the concept of a "good men" who‘s "passive" is completely ridiculous. If you, as a member of the oppressor class who‘s advantaged by our systemic & worldwide oppression all the damn time, think that not doing anything makes you "good", you‘re merely a bystander, and hence a (silent) enabler. Not a "good man who‘s just being passive".

Silence is complicity.

They don’t deserve to be labelled as "good". Not harming us with their own hands is the barest minimum. And we deserve to raise our standards, and we also deserve that our sisters raise theirs.

Women for Women. That‘s it. That‘s the only way.

[lesbinewren]

how are people getting “the jedi order as a whole is bad but individual jedi are good” out of THIS episode? the episode where the jedi order said “hey if these people don’t want to be bothered leave them alone” and it was the individual jedi who fucked everything up? and then decided to hide it from the council?

[quinn-of-aebradore]

Unpopular opinion probably but I would bet that pre-M9 Essek had killed less people than pre-M9 Reani.

Essek was willing to get his hands dirty but I don’t think that extended to killing all the time. He’d definitely had experience, obviously the imprisoned Scourger and how he handled that shows that, but he was a courtier and a scholar first, with flexible morals.

Reani, on the other hand, lived by “the rule is evil dies” until the Nein. The definition of lawful good. Her morals weren’t flexible until the Nein showed her the importance of grey areas. She was a vigilante. Her job was killing people. Just because it was done in the name of good doesn’t mean the bodies go away.

I don’t think either had a particularly high body count (ha) before the Nein, for the record. On the scale of Jester (never) to Caleb and Yasha (evil man’s personal killing machine), I think Essek and Reani both fall solidly in the middle.

There’s not really a point to this, it’s not a “see pre-M9 Essek wasn’t that bad!” post, nor Reani hate. If anything, it’s more a reflection on how the number of people killed isn’t a good litmus test of morality in a D&D world. It’s a normal part of the setting. I love when it’s examined more closely—Jester chopping what’s-his-name’s skull with her handaxe comes to mind—but sometimes you’ve just gotta accept that yes, they kill people. Professionally. And that’s fine. Murder is okay here.

[anominous-user]

^ stick, and without the stick v

[gingermintpepper]

"I wanted, more than anything, to make you proud." No longer does his son bend his head. He meets him in his eyes - richest brown to clearest blue. Zeus cannot help but search for that little toddling thing that once sough refuge at his knees. When did Ares grow so large? When did his shoulders get so broad? "Why can't you just be proud of me?" What is it that Phoebus always says? That children can tell their parents have favourites even when they themselves don't know? It almost brings a smile to his face. How alike they both are, even now. Mirrors, the two of them, and they don't even know it. "What good would my pride do you now, Ares?" Ares recoils as though he's been struck. As ever, it is the wrong thing to say. Maybe there's never been a right thing to say. Or maybe the both of them are fools. Caught up in this perpetual dog-and-horse show; the son who wants his father's approval and the father who does not know what that means. All the wisdom in the cosmos can't give him that knowledge. "...Good talk, Father. Truly." That blood-red hair is a windswept flag as Ares leaves. Zeus swears it had been only up to his nape when they'd started speaking. The door slams shut, it rattles all his charts and maps, the vases with Hera's flowers sat pretty on his table. Then, there is silence. Then, there is regret. Well, Metis, look what a mess he's made now.

[thatonecrookedsmile]

I would say that, considering his history, he's not that wrong, but even I have doubts as to whether that would be right. But at the end of the day, this is just a joke that's been in my head for a while, sooooo…eh.

Oh hey, an attempt at a comic? Made by me? That I didn't give up during the process or lost all motivation? What was my only attempt at this, 2019? Damn, it's been a long time.

I thought about leaving this here without editing or any colors, just the natural ones from the paper and pencil. But something in my head said "HAHAHA, no" so I went back to work. I had to put this idea down on paper this time (literally). If another year passes without me being able to execute this idea, I would lose my mind.

This scenario was inspired by this video by Jehtt, inspired by the original meme by Windii. Credits to both of them.

For a long time I wanted to joke - especially on the anniversary - that I wanted Sammy to only have less than 5 seconds in the next game (or in other words, take his screen time in DR, and shorten it even more). You know, just for the funnies (unless..?) But,thanks to the news released at the beginning of January this year about The Cage, I legally can't do this joke anymore…this year. Don't worry, after that comes out (and finally gives Sam the screen time he wants,hopefully) and we start to crawl into the Bendy 3 production era, I'll make this joke when I can.

Anyway, happy birthday Sammy Lawrence. You may not be my favorite character in this franchise, but there are some things I can actually appreciate about you. Plus, you made me laugh a few moments before (you know what I'm talking about) so there's that.

And happy 7 years to Chapter 2, and by extension, Susie, Norman, Alice, the Searchers, (Johnny????), and Beta Ink Bendy. (I would mention Jack too, but he was only introduced with the release of CH4, so technically it's not his birthday yet, but I'll consider him here).

And now? May I be able to do something for CH4's anniversary. Wish me luck,cus I'll need it.

(it might be really late now, but it's still the 18th where I live, so it's still his birthday, so I still won)

[glitteringdepths]

had some brainworms about transfem furina.... can anyone hear me.

i feel like this would have really interesting implications in her story, much as she loves acting, but struggles with it due to the 500 years she spent being forced to act, would being a woman be the same for her? she doesn't know where the act ends and where her actual identity begins. is she a woman because she wants to be, or just because she had to be one. even if she enjoys it more than the alternative, does she actually enjoy it? or is it just because she was one for so long that she enjoys it?

i can imagine that focalors likely didnt care much about her identity/presentation as archons have been shown to be able to change their forms at will basically, but furina is the human counterpart of focalors. she doesn't have that ability to change herself just like that. i imagine gender identity would be much more important to a human, especially one that must keep up an act at all times, than a god, and thus something that would affect her. something she would think about. a lot.

maybe post-prophecy, she would experiment. figure out if femininity is in fact something she wants. maybe she would try to go back to being "cis" and then realize it wasn't right for her. and i imagine that she would flourish more being able to properly express her femininity rather than doing it just because it was apart of the role.

[soath]

these are the only Bells Hells Live Reaction predictions I’m willing to stake my honor (nonexistent) on.

[scream-cam]

dangender part two

links in order x x x x x x x x

part one

[starflungwaddledee]

What were the other heroes of yore like in your au?

in awtdy au?

they're gone long before the beginning of the story, which takes place on 'modern day' popstar, and they admittedly don't feature much. as a result they don't (currently) have any real hard and fast development in that au in particular!

when galacta knight is freed from the crystal by his wish, he seems to think or feel fairly little about them. perhaps time has eroded anything he felt, or perhaps they didn't have an especially great relationship. in some endings he even seems to have an amount of antagonism towards others of his kind, even going so far as to hunt them down through dimensions. in those cases i imagine some sort of betrayal is likely to have occurred somewhere along the line, but he could also just be wiping out the only things that could ever stand up against him.

or... did you mean in someone else's story...?

[theoldworldsrunnerup]

hello this is out of the blue but do you have any soichello thoughts/takes/headcanons right now. just anything is cool, can be a totally random thought or anything

OH BOY DO I

I’m absolutely awful at putting my thoughts into words and tbh 90% of my thoughts about them in particular are hard to express (also it is ridiculously late at night for me rn) but I’ll try my best. I hope all of these make sense (both in the sense that everything written here is comprehensible and also vaguely makes sense for their characters)

Okay so um. Starting with general stuff

-I enjoy the kind of like,, duality?? of the pairing because on one hand it’s objectively ridiculous and it’s fun to lean into that. On the OTHER hand it’s also fun to take it seriously because you’re then presented with the challenge of making it seem plausible. My personal favourite part of shipping is not so much focusing on canon interactions (although I definitely enjoy that too) but thinking about the potential. What would make these two characters attracted to each other? How would they both feel about that? What would they do about their feelings? And with soichello I feel like it gives me a lot to think about

-(That being said, I DO enjoy their dynamic in canon. The mafia arc is pretty much my favourite part of the series and I love them both as individual characters and in general I just find their interactions interesting. But that’s not the point rn so whatever)

-I definitely think that Mello would have to initiate both the relationship itself and a lot within the relationship because like. Soichiro is MORTIFIED at the concept of being attracted to a man with basically no regard for the law and who is younger than both of his children, and he would certainly not make any attempt to act on it (which IS the sensible choice, but where’s the fun in that??). I also imagine he’d be quite baffled and concerned about it being reciprocated lmao. But in contrast, Mello’s the kind of person to do pretty much whatever to get what he wants, and if he wants to fuck that old man then by god he is fucking that old man no matter what

-Though I can also see Mello being too stubborn and embarrassed about it to do anything so they both just don’t act on it but unresolved tension drives me a little insane so that’s a sometimes thought. I guess it really just depends on how you want Mello to feel about it??

-It’s honestly pretty weird for both of them because they both have lived very different lives and have very different expectations and ideas of what a relationship looks like. Mello feels like he has to have, like, constant control of the relationship (as in he kind of attempts to present it as like. “you are the one who wants this and I am indulging you for my own pleasure/amusement” when that’s not actually really the case) (this is both because he’s not the best with vulnerability but also because he grew up in a particularly competitive environment and has this idea kind of engraved into him that if he is not “above” someone than he is beneath them and therefore inferior. Or something like that idk), which is just... not how relationships work. And I imagine their relationship is built largely on sexual attraction more than anything, and Soichiro just isn’t used to that.

-Despite Mello trying his hardest to seem somewhat nonchalant about the relationship (which kind of fails because he’s very obviously emotionally invested enough to put in the amount of effort he does), he is fond of Soichiro. He was rather thrilled upon discovering that his feelings were mutual, and on the occasion Soichiro initiates literally anything he’s pretty pleased about it.

-Moving onto slightly more specific headcanons, Mello loves biting. I mean he enjoys pretty much anything involving his own mouth but I think he likes biting the most, both for his partner’s reaction and also just because. Nom. Soichiro was initially VERY conflicted about this but decided it was fine as long as he didn’t leave any marks in any obvious places or bite down too hard.

-I feel obligated to include something relating to the cute grey hair line from htr because that’s the one singular crumb of the barely canonical basis this pairing has so,, Mello likes playing with Soichiro’s hair. He’s just sort of weirdly fascinated by it lol

God okay I just looked at the time and I NEED to go to sleep so I think I’ll leave it there for now. Thank you so much for letting me get a small portion of my thoughts down, and again, I hope this makes sense to you. If you ever want my thoughts on anything more specific (or if you ever want to share any of your own thoughts about them!!!) my asks are always open.

[leroiestmortvivelareine]

Kengo Moriyama / Tetsuji at his worst.

The part of Tetsuji that pines over Kayleigh is Kozo Fuyutsuki.

And perhaps Kevin is a little like Rei… incomplete, as though his soul is split and part of it is elsewhere.

But I can’t rid myself of the conviction that every member of the Perfect Court is a splintered facet of Gendo Ikari’s son, the most lost of all lost boys