#Come on how would he know a person is attacking

[zomboivex]

Getting personal for a moment. But I feel it’s important to share, anyways.

When I was married, everyone in my life gaslit me to believe I was terrible with managing my money. Any personal expensive was noted as frivolous and wasteful. Bought some fabric for my hobby of dress-making with money I earned from a bonus?

That could have been used for the water bill next month!

Had a $1000 bonus? No. That’s for the house mortgage that he didn’t let my name exist on even though I paid for majority of the renovations because he was content letting the kitchen sit in disarray with thick dust in the air. Causing me to have severe allergy attacks every day.

Called off sick?

How could you? We have bills to pay!!!!

Go through extreme harassment at work?

No. You’re making it up. It’s an excuse to take a day off and relax.

Ignore the fact that he called off regularly because he had headaches while I was shamed into going to work despite having the flu.

Set up a joint account where only I contributed to put money in for bills to pay. Because he would pay from his account. Then he’d constantly drain the joint account for ‘bills’ and then spend his money on who even knows. We had 2 maxed out credit cards in his name.

But this was so normal to me. Because I grew up like this. I grew up with my ‘support system’ telling me this is normal. Telling me that I am the problem.

And I believed it.

I believed that everything that was wrong was me.

I didn’t know he was $7,000 in debt until our divorce where he was demanding I pay it off.

I never did find out what he used that money on. I suspect it was on his gaming addiction and my alleged ‘best friend’ he was sleeping with.

When I finally got out of that relationship, I was in financial ruin. I had nothing in my name. At 30.

I lost everything. (Except for the car that I begged for him to let me take and 3 of my 4 cats).

I lost the house I lived in for years. It was all in his name. There was nothing I could do about it. Because we were ‘only married for 3 years’ despite being together for 10.

I had no furniture to take with me. Save for a couch. That I couldn’t actually take because I had no place to go. I was couch surfing or sleeping in my car at this time.

I lost my dream job because my ‘friend’ worked there as well. And while they were beyond accommodating to my situation, I could no longer mentally handle being there nor could I handle the hour drive once I did find a place to live.

$1000 down on a new apartment.

Car broke down a month later. $1000 down on a new car.

Said car was stolen twice. Can’t even begin to tell you how much money that leeched out of my savings.

$23,000 (with health insurance) for surgery due to appendicitis.

All in a year after divorce.

It was defeating. It was so fucking hard.

In a span of a year I went through multiple life crises events. I can feel how it physically changed my ability to process information. In a way, I’ve become ‘dumber’ because of it. I can’t hold onto information. I have a hard time reading and staying focused.

Only reason I was able to even financially get through all of that was because I had some money saved from a lawsuit at the job that was harassing me that I wound up winning after the divorce. That and I finally caved in and got a credit card (my credit score was good) and a couple of personal loans.

I’m still paying it all off. It has been so fucking hard.

And I’ve been going through waves of hating myself for being so naive to feeling terrible for what I’ve been through because I didn’t see anything wrong with what I experienced as it was happening. And I’m finally coming to my own form of peace with this. But it was hard.

I had been with him for 10 years.

I don’t love easily. But I did love him. Even if I showed it in odd ways. I wouldn’t have married him, otherwise.

And then when everyone around me said I was the problem, I believed them.

Even now, I have an incredibly hard time understanding when I am truly in the wrong with a situation or if my reaction to things are justified.

I didn’t realize I was being put through mental and financial abuse by so many people around me.

I wish I could hug me from a few years ago and let them know they are so strong for going through all of this. But that they shouldn’t have had to be so strong for so long.

I wish I could hug every woman on the planet that has been through anything where they had to ‘be strong’ to survive while thinking it’s normal.

Baby, it’s not normal. You deserve so much more in this world.

You deserve your own freedom and a support system that values you and lets you know when you’re going through actual bullshit instead of painting you as the villain.

To all the women out there who go through these things; I love you. I see you.

maybe i’m a joyless bitch but i actually do NOT think it’s funny to see women being like “the house is just in my husbands name” or “my husband makes all the money” or “i don’t even know who our mortgage is with” or “the only bank account/credit card is his and i get an allowance” like i do NOT find that cute or romantic and i am begging these women to Stand Up. you should at least be named on the deed to your house and the title to your car and the bank accounts even if you don’t pay for them/earn all the money. you can’t stop existing in the eyes of the law and the credit unions simply because you have a husband. if you’re raising his children and washing his socks half of everything he’s got is yours and it needs to be yours LEGALLY BY NAME. "he takes such good care of me :)" girl you are a PRISONER!! that’s all

[tsuyalovebot]

make him lose his cool.

suggestive and sexual content. mdni, ageless blogs dni.

xia yi zhou / caleb x reader.

cw. drabble (~1k wc, written in one sitting. ignore any typos.) no sex, but caleb popping a boner like a victorian man. afab reader (that also wears bras). mc=reader.

"caleb is an ass man!" "no, he likes tits!"

personally, i think caleb would have a near panic attack upon seeing your shoulder, elbow, or ankle.

he just does a really good job of pretending he doesn't mind it. after all, the two of you grew up together. he's had to put his hands on you many times — carrying, tending to scrapes and cuts, tickling you, ruffling your hair, squeezing your face. skinship was a language that the two of you were plenty fluent in.

but the year spent apart failed to maintain this, like some half-assed video streaming subscription, and caleb's the newborn fawn learning how to walk.

so what happens when he knocks on the room to his bedroom — it belongs to you now, technically — with a plate of breakfast before coming in, and he witnesses you sitting up, all sleepy and the neckline of his shirt slightly sliding down your shoulder?

he's going to throw himself off a cliffside. maybe even off skyhaven itself.

the plate hits the bedside table on your side with a loud clatter. none of the food spilled over, luckily. he has half a mind to garble some lame excuse about being busy and a quick good morning before trying to bolt.

but, caleb nearly snaps into two when you tug at the hem of his shirt, slumber still slurred in your words as you ask where he's going. there'd been no strength in that tug. yet, he stopped in his tracks all the same. he ends up listening to your grumbles, ones reminding him that it's his day off, remember? you promised you'd spend it with me.

"i gotta take a shower first," he chuckles, hoping his voice wasn't too shaky. please don't notice. please don't notice.

"but caleb," you keen.

god, it's like when he'd take leave from the academy for a few days just to go back to you and gran. always coming home to you, thoroughly acquainted with you not being a morning person but still making the effort to cling to him and savor every second you two spent together.

he assumed it would be the same now, but clearly, that was a mistake. because the coiling tension of warmth threatening to boil over in his stomach was nothing short of treacherous.

caleb does manage to escape; albeit pained by the half-awake whines behind him and the sound of you falling back into bed. god, how badly he wanted to cave into your demands. you don't even know the half of it.

he wonders if you've ever curled into his side of that bed he once slept on, seeking his cologne, his body, his warmth the same way he looks for your silhouette in every corner of this home. a melody he knows, but a name he can't quite place in this shell of a house that transformed in your presence.

regardless, it's really difficult to let this relationship rebuild organically when he was popping a boner over the slightest sliver of skin. the shower's streams are icy on his skin, the impromptu bath having thrown a wrench into his morning routine. he refuses to even touch himself. letting the proof of his sin soften under the biting cold of the water, despite the discomfort.

because nothing was more horrific than having his body react to you like a prepubescent teen discovering porn online for the first time.

caleb thinks he's safe after spending an hour in the bathroom, fingertips pruned and mind cooler than the iciest of planets. but as he's changed back into his clothes, he discovers you beside the door, a blanket around your sitting form and those eyelids droopy.

"pipsqueak? what're you doin' here?" he's crouching down — mortifying boner forgotten as he gathers you into his arms before he realizes it.

then, you stir. a whine muffled into the crook of his neck as you wrap your arms around him, the vibration seeming to ripple down his spinal column. the blanket falls from your body in the motions, and you're so soft compared to the firmness of his body.

his arms tighten around you on instinct and you let out a pleased sound and—

he stiffens. you weren't wearing a bra.

"caleb, you're done." you yawn, like the spoiled, pampered figurehead of royalty you are. you arch up into him, and he swears he feels several of his neurons die, dropping like flies in the empty cavity of his head.

"take me back to bed." he feels the air shift as you seem to inhale his scent. your voice softer, more content when you say, "i wanna sleep some more."

he's so fucking doomed.

[bigmoon-is-bigwife]

Sneeg is trying so hard to give Ros "Scary Dog Privilege". For anyone unaware, "Scary Dog Privilege" is a term used for when someone has an intimidating dog (or often times person) that makes people hesitant to mess with them. It allows the person to feel more free and safe without worry of potential attack.

It's a role that Clown had fallen into with Ros. People know not to mess with Ros whenever Clown is around. There were several times when the hostile faction was going to attack Ros but reconsidered the moment they saw Clown looming over her shoulder. However, Clown isn't around a whole lot and in his absence people tend to push Ros around.

Sneeg has noticed this and has also assigned himself the role of "Scary Dog" on Ros's behalf. He makes the effort to check in with Ros when she is talking with other people and makes a show of asserting himself as someone on Ros's side. The other day when Tubbo and Krow were bothering Ros while she was building the castle the first words out of his mouth were "Are you bothering my architect?" Immediately he is making a public show that bothering Ros means bothering Sneeg. He wants people to know this. He also goes on to ask Ros if she actually wants Tubbo and Krow there and offers to chase them away in a very threatening manner. Ros isn't very confrontational so he deliberately makes it known that it is ultimately Ros's choice and that he will back her up. He wants people to respect Ros's choices and he has been making public displays to show there will be consequences if people do not. Sneeg also wants Ros to know that she can make her own decisions and have them be respected. Sneeg wants Ros to know that she can say no to people. It is a well known joke on the server that Ros has no backbone and can be easily convinced to do almost anything. She is afraid of confrontation and the potential retaliation that comes with it. She is also very afraid that people will turn against her. She was convinced that everyone would take Owen's side against her and she was hesitant to say anything to even her friends. Even after killing Owen the first time she worried that she was the one in the wrong and had to be reassured that what she did was understandable. Sneeg is trying his hardest to prove to her that he will be there to back her up no matter what. He is trying to prove to her that she always has someone in her corner that will stand up for her. He constantly makes the effort to put choices in Ros's hands and making it known that he will respect them. When Ros had left the yellow faction he repeatedly told her that, if she really wanted to leave, he would not force her to go back to The Kingdom. He just wanted to be sure it was a decision that she wanted and that she wasn't being forced out. He also refused to speak on her behalf when it came to telling Clown about it. It was important that Ros chose what to tell him. In fact, he also made sure it was Ros who started the confrontation with Owen and he only jumped in to support her when Ros was backing down. It's important to him that Ros is the one making these choices and not just following what others want. So now this brings us to Sneeg building an alarm system in the castle that gives Ros the power to summon him at any time. Ros has been complaining for months about how building the castle is so difficult because people always bother her there. Sneeg has been very vocal about his frustration of the constant intruders and people's lack of respect for Ros. It infuriates him that Ros doesn't feel comfortable to build her own castle because people don't leave her alone. So now he has embraced his role as "Scary Dog" and he's living up to it. He feels that the castle is Ros's and she gets to decide who is there. If people are in the castle and Ros doesn't want them there, he will chase them off. People will learn not to bother Ros and respect her wishes otherwise they will be bothering Sneeg. Very few people want to bother Sneeg and he is a lot less patient and less forgiving than Ros is. Ultimately it is up to Ros how much she uses the system but the important part is that it makes Ros feel safer telling people to leave her alone.

[pillowspace]

Could you share more about your modern no loops au?

Oh, I'd love to!!!! So I have a 10k word draft currently. Haven't touched it since December because I've been writing other things, but I'd like to return to it when I'm done. I didn't actually know what I was writing until I started. I decided to go for the first line I could think of, which was:

So I had to build an AU off of that from that point onward.

It's a bit of a "post-canon" setting in a sense, except neither Siffrin nor Loop have met the party yet, and the two live together in an apartment. At some point, Loop's attacked, and they begin to bleed out in an alleyway. Odile catches sight of them and rushes to help. They appreciate her efforts, but they die anyway.

They've died plenty of times before though...! So they wake back up. They still have the stranger's coat from when she was trying to help, so they hide within it and head back home, feeling bad for having likely traumatized a random person with the sight of them dying.

A few months go by after this though, and Odile stumbles upon Loop at the library. Loop doesn't recognize her at first, but Odile recognizes THEM, and proceeds to accidentally corner them which freaks Loop out.

Odile, a complete stranger, instantly wants to know everything about Loop. How their life has gone, how they're alive, etc. So Loop decides that they DON'T LIKE ODILE, but that they'll at least find the time to bring her coat back to her to repay the favour of when they had died.

After Loop returns home, Siffrin reveals to Loop that he's... worried about them. Loop's been entirely dependent on him the entire time, and he thinks that they should have friends. Loop denies needing anyone but them, all the while struggling with bottled up trauma they want to talk about but are unwilling to go to Siffrin for.

This sticks to Loop though. Next time they see Odile at the library, they get to talk to her now a bit less freaked out, and return her coat to her. (This isn't art directly of the fic but I did draw this after writing Loop returning the coat). She reveals some of her curiosities about Loop, and although Loop still doesn't want to answer, they're curious what she means by the word "explore."

Loop makes a bit of a mistake though. They accidentally give Siffrin the impression that they're friends with Odile now, and Siffrin's happy for them!

Loop doesn't want to correct them though, so instead accidentally snaps at them for pestering them for the details on this totally real friendship.

There's a lot of hints scattered throughout the fic of Loop having very bad trauma. A large star-shaped scar on their chest. Implications that they're very familiar with Siffrin's blood. Having nightmares and waking up feeling like they have to kill Siffrin. Being so used to panicking whenever they wake up without Siffrin being there that they already know how to try and calm themself down.

I haven't gotten to writing the interview itself yet, but I want for Loop and Odile to actually start to become friends. I want for Loop to finally agree to an interview. And perhaps in an Interview with the Vampire (2022) style of things, start off completely contradictory and rewrite how it all started based on their own outbursts of emotions. Odile would catch onto this though, and get them to stick to the truth or not answer at all.

And thus, through much trial and error, Loop would eventually tell the story of meeting King. A nice man who Loop had once been friends with (it takes a LOT to pry that out of Loop), before they were ever Loop, but rather Siffrin. Loop would talk about how they had grown close over being from the same forgotten country, but that they'd come to learn that King had... other motives in wanting to get close to another Islander.

King had been studying something called Wish Craft.

King wanted to immortalize the Island's memory. Or at least, the memory that something existed from it. Perhaps somehow, some way, King could use Wish Craft to make things right again.

So what better way to try than to immortalize Loop?

Loop was betrayed and made to be a personal test subject. They weren't the first person to be a test subject, but they were the first success to survive it. Loop died very frequently those days, and after a long enough time, they reached a breaking point. They didn't want to suffer alone!! They wanted company!!! They wanted Help!!!!

Which tore Loop's strength out of them to create Siffrin.

Loop cannot regret Siffrin. But they regretted it at the time, as the experiments... lessened... on Loop, while the focus instead shifted onto Siffrin. The two were all each other had, so it pained Loop to have their burden fall onto him. Another regret was that Loop had become significantly weaker after Siffrin came to be, giving them less of a chance to fight back and escape. Loop was very protective of Siffrin, all the while wondering if they should just permanently kill him to get their strength back and escape. Towards the end, they almost went through with it.

They didn't though. The two eventually escaped together, sticking close to each other and occasionally moving from town to town while keeping their past secret.

I imagine that Loop will need... a lot of time and effort to tell Odile about all that though. They're very hesitant to even tell her that Siffrin exists, still wary about trusting her.

So between interviews, Loop and Odile just hang out, and Loop will come home to Siffrin who continues to live his own life. Loop will find themself healing just as Siffrin manages to.

If I do finish this fic, I would like for Loop and Siffrin to wind up friends with the whole party in it.

[yoiiyoii]

In honour of the birthday of Giyuu Tomioka the best character in demon slayer (to ME), I will use my free will to rant about the best Giyuu panels in the manga:

1.

Peak. Best of the best. Magnum opus of Demon Slayer manga. This specific moment is when my emotions reach the climax every single time I read the fight.

Giyuu and Tanjirou, one arm each, holding on to one sword, focus on the Rengoku sword hilt. Tanjirou being guided once again by the two hashiras he looks up to the most.

Once again, right after this, Tanjirou pushes Giyuu back and saves his life. A full circle, the lowest of the low for Giyuu, the highest of the highs of striking Muzan together.

Notice that Giyuu unlocked the red blade TWICE, once with Sanemi, his foil among the hashiras, and now with Tanjirou, the one he cherishes the most. Giyuu - always defined by his relationships. Giyuu as an individual character in a vacuum has very little to show. It's just another backstory, a traumatized hashira, just like the other demon slayers. Giyuu stands out in Demon Slayer because he is constantly present, he has developing relationships. The red blade is just another show for that. This panel does this theme of Giyuu justice too.

And, lore aside, the absolute HYPE of this scene. The long drawn fight, the hashiras with lost limbs all down, Sanemi and Obanai come in to attack Muzan and save Tanjirou, but oh-- where's Giyuu again? RIGHT HEREEEEE!!!!!!! LENDING A HAND TO TANJIROU, LITERALLY, AS HE ALWAYS HAS.

2.

Pretty self explanatory. Absolute badass, putting himself between an Uppermoon and someone he cares about, Tanjirou.

It goes into Giyuu's biggest theme of protection. He hates being protected, he wants to protect the people he loves (just like Akaza). He did not want to be a 'useless komainu' to Tanjirou. I don't know if it's stated explicitly but its obvious that Dead Calm was created so he would be able to protect himself without needing the help of others. His fight against Rui was a simpler version of this: protecting Tanjirou (though at the time he didn't recognize him), against Rui, whose whole theme was about wanting to be protected by a family, with elders fulfilling their role of protection.

Here Giyuu and Tanjirou were, dealing with the same theme again, and Giyuu going all out with wanting Tanjirou to survive. It's not that he's been silent about his love for Tanjirou, but this is where he explicitly declares wanting to protect him, in his own words (do NOT take a shot everytime you see the word "protect").

3.

Debating between this or the 4th panel, I chose this as the 3rd because this is MY post and I want to make top 3 posts all about him and Tanjirou.

And boyyyyyy is it about him and Tanjirou. He cant even sit up. Is it not insane to see him being THIS vulnerable?? in public???? Add to the fact that he knows Tanjirou's closer friends are right there in the same battlefield, and yet it was him who couldn't help but want to stay physically close to Tanjirou. If Tanjirou's death had been true, he'd be back at square 1, being useless, never strong enough (quite a recurring theme in Demon Slayer I must say).

Like, look, he's sobbing, he cried like three times during this whole DKT and death deal. When the inevitable Sunrise Countdown movie comes out, I personally would like to close my eyes and ears during this scene.

4.

I admit this could and should have been number 3. But that aside, the coolest panel in the manga award goes to... (to be fair, that can be debated, other panels are just as cool if not cooler for sure.)

Sanemi and Giyuu, peak relationship in Demon Slayer. This moment is the climax to all of the buildup since !!Sanemi's first appearance!! (you see how Giyuu was giving him a whole lot of side eye that scene?)

In a way Sanemi and Giyuu bring out some ~interesting~ emotions in eachother. Who else would Giyuu call a simpleton? Who else would Sanemi pick a fight with, simultaneously trying to understand them? When you go to the AU territory, that's a pretty hefty magnetic pull of a relationship, isn't it?

And this moment - as I said earlier, one of the red blades Giyuu achieved, it's with Sanemi! Sanemi trusted Giyuu with equal strength (as Kanao said that was necessary for a red blade strike), and we've seen them draw before, and that's the ONLY hashira vs hashira we saw! (well, ufotable added a whole bunch, and I'm thankful for that, but I do regard Gotouge's compact and limited version of the story higher. Gotouge thought that Sanemi vs Giyuu was the most important hashira sparring for the audience out of all of them, and for obvious reasons).

All of that, AND the panel calls back to that one picture of Sabito flying over Giyuu. Two of the rough dudes Giyuu has been associated with, which is a nice touch.

And heyyy that's the sword that Sanemi threw at Giyuu!! Which was a pretty important moment right before Giyuu explicitly called himself a hashira (contrasting with Tanjirou, where he stood merely as the protector, the senior, with no regard to their posts and hierarchies). Sanemi gave Giyuu some real good push this fight. Would have loved to see them on a mission together, but alas, Demon Slayer manga is pretty limited with what it shows.

5.

I don't have much to say. It's just cute, alright? Look at him all teeny tiny smiling about the prospect of being friends with Sanemi. What the hell. Why are you so cute. Look at Tanjirou sharing the same dumbass braincell. What's up with these two

Unranked honorary mentions:

10/10. More of 21 trio stupidness, please. And look at Giyuu's stupid face as if he didn't just insult Sanemi in front of everyone. OBANAI, HE DIDN'T EVEN SAY ANYTHING TO YOU-

His crow he's so attached to :,(. I would personally die for you Kanzaburou. And yeah, absolutely, Kanzaburou mistaking Tanjirou for Giyuu. They have the same essence I guess

MURATAAAAAAA and yes, while I do love this because of the whole Murata celebrity crush on Giyuu thing and all, I love how desperate Giyuu was the entire time to save Tanjirou, even in the middle of his own fight again MUZAN HIMSELF. And who better to take care of Tanjirou than Murata, someone who took care of him back when Sabito died? Connected bonds, alright. Sabito already helped Tanjirou with his journey back in Mt. Sagiri, he could also use someone else from Giyuu's past.

Post canon, all of it. The light in his eyes, his journey, he deserves all of the love and peace.

[chvoswxtch]

Kind of a romcom/action request - do you think you could rewrite or give us your take on the scene where Frank ties Amy to the bed? It’s just always bothered me so much. She’s a teen girl living on the streets, and franks not a moron. He’d know exactly the implication and why she’s scared shitless and I refuse to think he’d be smug or laughing about it, or as callous as he was

i'm really glad you brought this up bc I always thought it was SO out of character for frank, but I never saw anyone else mention it?? like he literally grabs her and throws her on the bed, comes at her with zip ties and duct tape, and acts like a complete asshole?? this girl was literally just attacked, watched this big scary guy rip through a group of professional hitmen like they were nothing, and now she's alone in a motel with him, of course she's freaked the fuck out. and we all know what was going through her head when he forced her on the bed and brought out the zip ties

a lot of things about season 2 pissed me off but this right here is something I will always get heated about bc frank 'girl dad' castle would fucking never and I will die on that hill

so i'm gonna fix it bc apparently I have to do everything around here

headcannon below the cut

what a girl wants starring frank castle & amy bendix

I had to rewatch this scene to refresh my memory and it pissed me off all over again bc out of context it looks so bad but even in context it looks awful

frank "locked the front door of the pawn shop & grabbed a bat bc the guy said he had an inappropriate video of a girl that was barely 12" castle?? francis david "nearly killed the guy who took inappropriate photos of underage girls literally like a few episodes after this" castiglione??? that frank is tying a young girl up to a bed and duct taping her mouth shut???? y'all got me fucked up try again

first of all, she literally helped him pull a bullet out of his ass cheek like thirty seconds before all this. if that's not trauma bonding, I don't know what is

but even before they got to the motel, when they were in the van, they were already bantering like a grumpy dad on a roadtrip with his angsty teenage daughter, like c'mon. and amy had so many opportunities to run if she wanted to. she could've told the clerk at the motel what had happened, or she literally could've ran for it. frank was bleeding out, he was in no shape to chase her down. but he protected her when he didn't have to so I think she felt somewhat safe with him, enough to get the room with him and help him stitch up his ass

AND HE LITERALLY SAYS IN THE NEXT SCENE THEY CAME AFTER A LITTLE GIRL SO I HAD TO GET INVOLVED. HE CALLS HER A LITTLE GIRL !!! okay i'm done i'm not so let's get into what should've happened

so again, obviously she's freaked the fuck out, a bunch of people just tried to murder her, and this grumpy asshole showed up and saved her, but she doesn't know why, or what he wants. if it were me, i'd be suspicious. like okay, you saved me from them, but what do you want?

all frank had to do was talk to her. yes, amy is a handful, but she's literally a kid (I don't know if we ever get her actual age, I think she says several times she's 16, but when I look it up it says between 16-20, so either way she's a young girl) and she doesn't know frank. she's spent her whole life on her own looking out for herself, and she just witnessed a bunch of her friends getting murdered while she hid under a bed, so of course she's not gonna trust this strange scary dude right off the bat

I think if frank had made his intentions clear, it would've gone differently, bc that entire scene is so out of place compared to the rest of the episode and how they interact with each other. like frank involves himself bc she's a kid, and then beth gets hurt in the process, and frank being the vengeful man he is obviously wants to take every single person out involved from top to bottom (just like he did with the kitchen irish, dogs of hell, and mexican cartel. this man does not leave loose ends. everyone gets punished)

so if he had been like hey, fuck those guys for going after a young girl, but also my girl got hurt in the process, so help me out here. help me find the dickheads responsible so that one, I can keep them from coming after you again, but two and most importantly, I can get my revenge for what they did to my woman. I feel like amy would've been like okay he's doing all this for the woman we dropped off at the hospital that he clearly cares about, which means he isn't secretly plotting against me and isn't just another person trying to kill me or steal what I have

frank clearly sees some of his daughter in amy, or at least he sees a glimpse of what lisa could've been if she would've been able to grow up. like there's a lot of moments during season 2 it's implied he sees amy kind of like a daughter. like yeah she's an annoying kid that grates on his nerves and constantly tests his patience, and there's certain moments I think he loses sight of the fact that she is just a kid and he just acts like a complete asshole (like the trailer scene with curtis when she tries to practice her moves with the gun), but then there's so many times he does treat her like he knows she's just a kid (she's literally just a girl)

the entire time he's teaching her how to handle the gun and use it, how he praises her when she does well, how he comforts her when she does have to shoot the gun, how reluctant he is to go along with her plan with the creepy photographer guy, how gentle he is with her in the showdown scene with pilgrim, like he's such a girl dad PLS

so in my professional opinion, it would be more in character for him to sit her down and be like look, these people aren't gonna stop coming after you, I wanna take them down bc now it's personal for me, and in the morning you and I will come up with a plan to figure out who these people are and how to stop them

I think it would've been more in character for him to be like listen up buttercup, you can take off and take your chances by yourself, but I give it 24 hours before you're dead. or, you can help me out and I can keep your ungrateful ass safe until this gets handled, up to you

we could've even had a scene where she's like I can take care of myself bye, leaves, realizes she's in the literal middle of nowhere, weighs the pros and cons of being alone versus being with the guy who took down like thirteen people by himself (I forget how many there actually were but it was a lot), and then show back up at the motel door with a bratty eye roll like alright fine but i'm gonna complain the whole time

would frank have still been bitchy the entire time? absolutely. he's grumpy as it is, and he took a bullet to the ass for a girl that called him rough road to his face (that will never not be funny to me). but would the frank castle I know and love tie a young girl down to the bed and duct tape her mouth?? absolutely the fuck not

in conclusion whoever wrote that specific scene is a fucking weirdo and it's on sight if I ever catch them on the street

[moonlitcelestial]

Chapter 5

Beyond the Lens - Logbook Videographer!Reader x Poly OT8 Ateez

W/C 3,881

🎥 Series Masterlist 🎥

☽ Masterlist ☾ 

Inspiration Pictures Pinterest Board

Previous Chapter (Chapter 4)

Disclaimer: This story is purely a work of fiction. It is not meant to assume or mock anything about Ateez, Atiny, or anything relating to what I do not know about being a videographer. I will be attempting to keep it as gender neutral as possible but it will have she/her pronouns.

The logo in the center is mine. Please do not reuse or copy.

I strongly recommend looking at the inspiration pictures (which will be updating as the story goes on).

General Warnings: slow burn, cussing, conflict, possible angst, fluff, and obliviousness. 

This list will be updated as the story goes on. 

Chapter Warnings: Anxiety/Panic Attack. Dark Jokes.

Thanks for reading <3 Moonie

☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★

“Y/N?” You heard someone shaking you and repeating your name. Holy shit, you fell asleep. You shot up and looked around the room. Most of the boys were standing putting on their light jackets. Seonghwa was looking at you with something you couldn’t decipher. You turned to look at your team and they were watching the interaction with smirks. Everything clicked into place. They were watching you because you were surrounded by some of the people you idolized. They were watching you to see if you would embarrass yourself and you most certainly had.

Fuck. 

“I am so sorry Seonghwa, I didn’t even realize that I fell asleep or that I was even tired. It won’t happen again, I am so sorry” You rambled at a quick place. You scrambled up from the seat and bowed before you scurried away from everyone and out into the hall. You had remembered seeing a restroom not too far away so you practically ran toward it. You were getting too hot. Was it embarrassment? Could it be shame? You made it to the bathroom door, yanked the door open, and locked yourself in. You rolled up your sleeves, leaned against the sink, and put your head down. Your head started swimming with uncontrollable thoughts. Each one bleeding into the last. You could feel your breath coming in shaky pants, you couldn't get a deep breath. You could barely suck in enough air to keep you from feeling lightheaded. Your sight got blurry and you could feel yourself start to shake. The heat that was burning in your body felt like the sun was trying to escape from your skin. 

Did you cross a line? Did you just make him uncomfortable? You fell asleep on your first official day of being here at KQ. How could you be so stupid? Would he request that they cancel the contract? Could you have fucked things up on your first official day? You jumped at the sound of small knocks on the door. The thoughts ceased for only a moment. 

“Hey, Boo it's me, can you open the door?” There were only three people who called you that, Aurora, Forrest, or Willow. From the sound of it it was Willow. She was always the person of the friend group to calm any one of you down. She was a grounding presence. You shakily stepped over to the door unlocking it and let her in, Aurora followed shortly after her. Forrest was posted up on the side of the door like a guard dog. Once all three of you were in the bathroom and Aurora locked the door you threw yourself at Willow. She knew that when you were in a bad headspace you either needed to be left alone or you needed grounding. She was good about being able to tell which one it was, which came from the years of friendship. She wrapped her arms around you and let you breathe her in. You sighed and relaxed into her hold. “How could I be so stupid? How could I fall asleep on the first day? How could I fall asleep on someone who knows I bias him?”

She shushed you running her hand over the back of your braided hair. “There is no need to be ashamed. In fact I was fairly certain Wooyoung snoozed for a little bit against your leg. Had you been awake you would have noticed that San had his head against your shoulder as well and was snoozing. It was a whole cuddle pile and you were in the middle of it. Seonghwa was the only one who wasn't asleep. San woke up shortly before you did. Seonghwa was comfortable enough with you that he pulled you closer to make sure you were comfortable, and he had his head against yours for the majority of the time you were asleep. You have nothing to worry about. In fact, they are worried about you.” 

“Do you think she is okay?” 

“I am not sure, but I trust her team to know her and help her through whatever was going across her mind before she ran out.” 

“Did we come on too strong? 

“You did not act unlike you normally do, she knows how all of us are, she is an Atiny. She might just be embarrassed that she fell asleep. We can be a lot to handle, we just have to take it slow.”

“All I want to do is run after her and comfort her hyung.” 

“I know you do, I would like to as well but this isn’t something that I think would do her mental state much better.”

“She is a strong person, she is just hesitant around us because I think she is still reeling from all of this. It has only been a few days since they got the call from KQ.” 

“Let’s go down to the cafeteria like we planned with her team and they will meet us like they said. We can only do so much here, she may know us, but she doesn’t know us. She just needs time.”

“They were worried about me? Why would they be worried about me?” you questioned regaining some semblance of a breathing rhythm. Willow had successfully grounded you enough to help you regain some kind of consciousness around your body. 

“Because they care and are amazing people. At least two of them almost ran out the door after you, Forrest had to stop them so we could handle this. They care for you. While you were asleep we could tell so. They kept checking in on you while you slept and they were asking us so many questions about what we do and what you do. They even were asking to see some of your work. They care about you Y/N, it has only been a few days since everything has happened but they are so genuine about getting to know us.”  

You pulled away from Willow and she wiped under your eyes. You hadn’t even realized that a few tears spilled down your face. “You mean that? They aren’t mad?”

“No”, Aurora spoke up, “When they started looking at you questioningly we may have spilled that you generally always have trouble sleeping. Also that you don’t do that very often with people that aren’t us. That you generally hate new people and that you take forever to warm up to someone enough to even consider falling asleep anywhere near them. They were so over the moon that you felt comfortable enough to fall asleep in their presence.”

“You make me sound like a child,” you groaned with a light chuckle. That made the two of them smile wide. “Where would I be without you guys?” you asked.

“Probably playing out in traffic,” Aurora remarked with a grin. You slapped her on the shoulder. All three of you broke out into giggles. You could feel your heartbeat returning to normal. Thankfully they pulled you out before it got really bad, otherwise it would not have been as easy to get through to you. 

“Come on, I am getting hungry and Forrest is still waiting out there.” Willow said to you moving to unlock the door. Forrest turned to look at you and pulled you into a giant hug. Your arms slid around his waist as his hand cradled the back of your head. 

“You worried me there for a second Boo.” He murmured into your hair. 

“I’m sorry, they got me all sorted out, I’m as good as new.” You responded. 

“Let’s go eat, I am starving." he said and kept his arm around your shoulder. He maneuvered you toward the cafeteria and you smiled up at him. These were your people. This is where you are supposed to be, right here in the moment, not in your head. 

After the short walk to the cafeteria you noticed that you were starving as well. Leave it to nerves to make you not notice your bodily functions. You looked around and saw the boys. Seonghwa, Yuhno and San stood up as you approached with Forrest next to you. You shyly waved at them. You noticed that they left four seats open for you and the team. San was the one to move to your duo. He smiled at you and said “I am glad you are okay, you really worried us there for a minute.”

“I’m all good Sannie, I am sorry I worried all of you. Let’s sit and eat and maybe if we have enough time before dance practice I can bring you guys out to see my bike.” you replied in a quiet tone. 

“We would absolutely love that.” He said with a gentle smile. He grabbed your hand and gave it a squeeze before walking back to his place at the table between Wooyoung and Yeosang. You took the seat across from Yeosang and the girls sat on either side of you leaving the seat next to Aurora open for Forrest who was ordering lunch for your group. Hongjoong looked at you with a smile, and nodded before continuing a conversation with Mingi. You reached over to Willow and grabbed her hand, you were still reeling from everything that just happened.

“How was your nap, sleepy?” Wooyoung teased. San smacked him on the back of the head and turned quickly to look at you. You shrunk into yourself to hide the blush on your face. 

“Yknow, a little birdy told me that you fell asleep on me too so I could be asking you the same question Woo.” You shot back after gathering yourself. Yeosang laughed heartily. That sound was melodic, even if he decided to cover it up and almost immediately stop after Wooyoung glared at him. He looked at you with a small smile. They all had resumed their conversations. You were listening to the conversation between San, Yeo, and Woo until you heard Jongho speak up from the other side of Willow. 

“Wait, really, she is the oldest of all of us?” Your ears perked up as you knew that you were the oldest out of everyone here. All of their gazes fell to the two who were previously having a quiet discussion. 

“Who is older than all of us?” Seonghwa asked, having not heard it over his conversation with Hongjoong.

“Y/N is 27 which is older than all of us.” Jongho said, looking at you around Willow. 

“Yahh, I didn’t know you were so old Noona,” Wooyoung teased. You heard the snicker of San and you cut both of them an icy glare. 

“Oh whatever,” you rolled your eyes at Wooyoung. “You have no need to use honorifics with me unless you feel it is absolutely necessary. I do not care either way because I am not from here.” You said looking down at your hands. You had never really been referred to as anything other than your name or Boo. That was something that you might have to get used to. 

After a couple of minutes of listening to the chatterboxes you heard Yeosang speak up, “Y/N? Can we see your tattoos?” He asked, looking bashful. You looked down and realized that your sleeves were still rolled up. He must have seen the bottom half of them and gotten curious. What a cute maltese. 

“That's a loaded question,” Forrest said, sitting down with a tray of food and dishing it out to the team. You smiled at him and thanked him. 

“Why is that?” Yeosang asked, cocking his head to the side like a curious puppy.

“She has them all over her body, and some of them are in places that you won't see unless she has her top off,” he teased. Hongjoong and Jongho sputtered their drinks at the other end of the table. Some of it got on the table, Seonghwa and Mingi patted their backs trying to make sure they were okay. Yeosang, Wooyoung and San had their mouths open. Seonghwa, Yuhno and Mingi were blushing like mad. You looked around to everyone and your team started laughing. Full on belly laughter came from your portion of the group. You were sure that the other people in the cafeteria were looking at your group in disgust for being so loud. They should be used to it seeing as Ateez and Xikers were very loud groups. Nothing could have prepared you for the look of pure and utter shock on all of their faces. You squeezed Willow’s hand and let go putting it over your mouth while the other was slapping Aurora’s leg. 

“Forrest, I think you broke all of them,” you wheezed. He shrugged his shoulders and continued laughing. 

“You didn’t expect that answer, did you Yeosang?” Aurora asked between fits of giggles. You looked at him and he still had his mouth open slightly. He looked like a goldfish out of water. You stood up and walked around the table to the three with their mouths hanging open. Choosing to be bold you put a finger under each of their chins to close their mouths. 

“If you keep your mouth open like that you’ll catch flies, boys. It is perfectly normal for a person to have tattoos that others can't see. Get your mind out of the gutter.” you whispered just loud enough for only the three of them to hear. All three of them went cherry red and put their heads down as you strutted back to your seat. You plopped down and started eating, prompting all of the rest of them to continue their meals. Aurora got your attention and motioned under the table for a high five and you obliged her. 

There is only one tattoo you had that you would be embarrassed if they saw. It was a testament to yourself and your independence, but it revolved around one of their songs. The lyrics Mingi sang in Halazia, “Who are you, it's just me myself and I” in your own handwriting to remind you to always be loyal to yourself. It was situated right above the moon tarot card on your left hip. It had been a spur of the moment decision while you were traveling after filming something for a client out of the country. Truthfully it was one of your favorite ones. 

“Y/N how many tattoos do you have? HongJoong asked after he recovered. The genuine curiosity in his eyes was so cute. He was looking at you with his big boba eyes that made everyone swoon. 

“I have eight, most of them are fairly large. You will have to wait to see the ones that are visible without my top off until swimsuit season; then and only then you will get to see them,” You stole a glance at Forrest and he let out a huff of laughter. Hongjoong nodded and continued eating. Most of the boys had recovered, but Yeosang still wouldn’t look you in the eye. 

After a little bit of quiet eating from your group Seonghwa stood up and said “Alright, it is almost time for practice, let's go and get our newbies set up and explain to them how things go and what needs to happen for our dance practices.” 

All of the boys chorused in agreement. You stood and helped them clean up the mess everyone created. Once you were finished you followed the group of boys down the hall to where their room was. You had seen this room many times on a screen. You had always been fascinated with how fluidly they moved and how they worked together. You also loved that you could see their personalities shine through in their dancing. All around they were mesmerizing. Some of your favorite videos were the behind the scenes videos. You got to see how they worked and what they preferred to do. 

“Do we need any cameras or is today just a get them set up day?” You asked. walking over to the small desk Hongjoong motioned to. There were four notepads and pens at the ready for you to take notes. How sweet, but you were not one to take notes on paper, it was too much of a hassle to keep all of it together. You preferred to take notes on an iPad or online with the team, that way you could collaborate in the same document. 

“Today is more of a chill day, we are just rehearsing choreography. We have some things that you will need to see to be able to put together an idea of how the shots of the music video could go. We will be recording it in three weeks. I am sure that they might like your input on angles and what could look best for their visions.” Hongjoong said while he started stretching. 

“Before we start can we grab our bags?” You asked. A couple of the boys looked at you curiously. “We prefer to take notes on our iPads so we can compile all of our notes together and discuss what the best course of action is.”

“Yeah you can go grab your stuff, do you need someone to show you where it is? We know this place is a maze.” Hongjoong asked, looking between the four of you. 

“That would be preferable, someone likes to get lost in their free time.” Willow said motioning to you. You turned to her in shock she had not just brought that up. 

“Willow!! You know that being directionally challenged isn't my fault!! Left and right can be hard, that's why I have tattoos; so I can differentiate them from each other.” You defended with an exasperated sigh. She had always teased you for it, she was lucky her brain was wired correctly. Your brain had always been a fucking mess. 

“Sure Boo, whatever you say,” she said grinning at you “you're just lucky you have us to keep your head on your shoulders, keep you from taking a wrong turn somewhere, and from playing in traffic” Your eyes widened, she did not just pull the same shit Aurora did earlier. You lunged at her jokingly attempting to smack her or tickle her. She sidestepped you and before you could stop yourself you ran smack into Forrest’s chest. He looked at you with a raised eyebrow and decided that it would be absolutely so much fun to pick you up and throw you over his shoulder. You let out a squeal in protest smacking his back. He trotted around the practice room with you bouncing on his shoulder. You could hear the laughter of the boys all around you. 

“Put me down you fucking tree. Willow started it, not me!!” You yelled at him, your plea fell on deaf ears.

“A tree?! Fuck you, you know good and damn well I hate that nickname.” Forrest responded to only part of your statement. He had some of the worst selective hearing. 

“Put me down and I'll say it to your stupid face” you snarked. He set you down on your own two feet, almost throwing you on the ground. You stood toe to toe with him. 

“You. are. a. fucking. tree.” You said in the most serious tone you could poking him in the chest. Aurora got in the middle of the two of you and held you back. She knew you would launch yourself at him to get him back after throwing you around like a ragdoll. 

“Children now let's get a hold of yourselves” Aurora said in a mock serious tone. 

“She started it” you sniped pointing at Willow. She gasped and put a hand to her chest in offence. 

“I would never do such a thing," she said with a smirk. 

“Oh fuck you, lets go get our things, we have already held up their practice enough.” you rolled your eyes and looked around to find out who would be taking you to the room. 

Jongho was the one who stepped up to your group, “I can take you.”

“Thank you Jjong!” You said linking your elbow with his. He looked at you in surprise but went along with it and led you out of the room. 

“I wish we could be like that with her.”

“Is that jealousy I hear” 

“No… okay maybe, but I can't help but to want us to be the people that she is so close to. Or the ones she bickers with like an old married couple.” 

“They have known each other for years, they have a head start on us. We can get to that state; it might just take time.” 

“You know we are impatient men, I just hope we can give it a respectable amount of time before spilling everything.”

“I will make sure that you do.”

“Thank you hyung.”

“So Jjong, what is it like being the scariest and strongest maknae in all of kpop?” 

He chuckled at your question. “It is rewarding to see the faces of people that don't know me. No one would expect me to be the most mature out of all of us. Some people are still shocked by that fact.”

You laughed, he seemed more comfortable around you than you thought he would be. He seemed to be the most hesitant out of all of the boys. He is full of surprises from his vocals to being able to split apples. He really was just a giant teddy bear when it came down to it. You looked at him and smiled, he was so beautiful. Most people do not favor him because of his looks but he was just as beautiful as the rest of them.

“Here we are,” he said, looking at you. Your eyes met and you couldn't help but to blush, there were multitudes behind his eyes. You could spend all day looking into them and never get tired. He was so expressive, his eyes said everything, but they could be hard to read, especially if you barely actually knew him. 

You unlinked your arm from his and walked into the office. Once you got to your backpack you swung it over your shoulder. The rest of your team did the same. You walked back out to meet Jongho and smiled when he looked up at you from his phone. You walked back side by side. Once you got back you set up your camera in the center close to the mirrored walls. You figured that it would be best to get an initial recording to build your notes off of. You then settled yourself right in front of your camera. Your team spread out in a line to take notes with you. You gave the boys a thumbs up and they started to do what they do best. 

The remainder of practice went well, you and your team took notes and started to make a plan for possible angles of the video. You would discuss the plans in more detail later. There were so many ways this could go so doing multiple takes might be something you have to do to get the best result. You were so excited to start on this project and get the ball rolling.  

☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★

Next Chapter (Chapter 6 Coming Soon)

Taglist:

@breadedloafs @a-short-ass-disappointment @ateezswonderland

[the-real-samwise]

i keep coming back to this post over and over again. i’m a survivor of childhood sexual abuse and i could never put it into words but i always felt extremely uneasy with this scene (moreso than i think an untraumatized person would). the first time i watched the movie i actually almost had to take a quick break.

i really like this analysis. i don’t know why but understanding the scene this way feels like a better representation of sexual violence than most outright portrayals of it? thoughts:

1 — not only is it not frodo’s fault that boromir attacks him, but the scene emphasizes how quickly and randomly the attack came to frodo from a person he thought he could trust

2 — frodo tells no one; he’s ashamed

3 — frodo’s immediate reaction is not to trust anyone else at all and to get himself / the ring as far away from the area as possible

4 — long-term frodo becomes a lot more guarded

5 — if i remember correctly, when frodo first meets faramir and sees his familial resemblance to boromir frodo has an aggressive memory of boromir trying to take the ring, almost like a flashback

6 — even though boromir ultimately didn’t succeed in taking the ring, the fact that he tried is treated as just as bad and just as traumatizing

There’s something about LOTR that I’ve thought about for a long time and I’d like to discuss it to see if anyone else feels the same way but since it’s a very sensitive subject I don’t know how well that’d go over on here

[seaofgoldenstars]

Let's chat about the boys and their parallels with their codenames!!

Rafayel : Tamino Tamino is a Prince from the Opera play "The Magic Flute" The play tells the story of Tamino, a prince lost in a foreign land, who is being pursued by an enormous monster. He is rescued by three mysterious ladies, who kill the monster and give Tamino a picture of Pamina, daughter of the Queen of the Night, with whom he falls instantly in love. They tell him that Pamina has been captured by the powerful and evil Sarastro, and Tamino vows to rescue her with the gift of a magic flute. So, the first and most obvious thing we can point out is it's an opera and Rafayel used to be a famous opera singer along with his Aunt Talia. Then we have the Magic Flute, when Rafayel was still actively the god of tides he had a flute that he would play for his lover, and we can see him using it in the attack animations to lure wanderers to their death but anyway moving on to the next parallel. Being lost in a foreign land while being pursued by a monster, for Rafayel that monster was the humans that were capturing and torturing Lemurians. Last, we ofc have the princess he falls in love with and vows to protect that doesn't need explaining.

Zayne : Galen Galen was a physician and philosopher who became the most famous doctor in the Roman Empire who was devoted to the Greek god Asclepius. The philosopher and doctor I feel like this part doesn't need to be explained, Zayne is a doctor in this timeline, and he was a Foreseer in one of his past lives. But the parallels between the two and their gods is what we're gonna talk about. Both were devoted and lived their lives according to their gods' words, but the difference is Asclepius is a god of healing while Astra is a god of disaster and I honestly think PERSONALLY okay that maybe that's one of the reasons Zayne works so hard as a doctor to atone for all he did with Astra.

Caleb : Perses Perses In Greek mythology, is the son of the titans Crius and Eurybia, he is the titan of Destruction.

sooo I still haven't done Caleb's myth yet so I can't accurately speak for him BUT I'll work with what I know about his myth and anecdotes from twitter 💀 First parallel being Perses and his destructive nature and Caleb and Destructive Evol we know from the experiment report and the anecdote that he's capable of opening blackholes and causing destruction. But the next parallel is actually with Perses and Asteria and Caleb and Mc, see Asteria's domain was the night sky, and she brought a celestial calm to the destructive nature of Perses. Their relationship was a depiction of how contrasting forces could come together to create harmony, and I think again PERSONALLY that also fits with Caleb and Mc they just don't know how yet 😭 I know the experiment report says we could destroy each other but that was before we knew how to use and control our powers.

Xavier : The Hermit in Tarot and Saint Anthony the Hermit The Hermit Tarot card is a card of Self-reflection, Solitude, loneliness, and wisdom. Saint Anthony's story is also one of Solitude and leaving what you know for better. The parallels between Prince Xavier & Saint Anthony the Hermit both we're born into wealth and power, yet they chose to abandon their privileged lives in pursuit of isolation to gain knowledge testing their faith and resilience. The Parallel to the Hermit Tarot, both were deeply committed to their goal and awareness of the trails they will face on their path but continued to seek and spread the knowledge anyway and for Xavier it was all because of Mc.

Sylus : Tartarus In Greek mythology, Tartarus is the place where gods imprisoned their enemies to receive divine punishment. Tartarus is also a primordial deity that existed before the Olympians.

So, first of all, Tartarus was the offspring of Aether & Gaia. Sylus is heavily connected to an Aether Core I mean it's in his eye LMAO and Gaia Research Center was where people were being experimented on Mc and Caleb included so I'm sure that's also where he got his Aether core. (don't quote me on that...) Then we have ofc Tarus city which in the En dub is actually Tartarus city!! And now I think that was actually intentional.

and that's it!! Thank you to Zeta for listening to me yap about this earlier today <3

[m0usehouse]

k. bakugou

"why try" by Ariana Grande

"I've been living with devils and angels"

You grew up in a harsh environment. Paying bills was always a scramble. Mean kids at school were never interested in your company or the social rejection that would come with it due to your 'ratty and disgusting' used clothing. It didn't help when you had to go without a shower cause the water bill was too high the previous month. The daily stress fights didn't help soothe your young mind either. You grew up quick, knowing that you either own the world or the world owns you

He grew up in a nice home, two parents who loved each other, constantly being praised and adored. He was strong and secure in what he wanted to be. He eventually had to process the weights such perfection came with, but his blonde hair always had a halo glow from the bright sparks in his palms. .

"Realize you and I are in the same boat"

After meeting at the entrance exam, both of you had a resolved hatred for the other. you were kind and gentle, a contrast to what you always knew. He was harsh and abrasive, a trait developed from his mother's firey personality and his own inflated ego. The first interaction was an immediate clash of heads when you politely asked him to lean over so you could see the presentation better. He took that as you trying to insult his existence and that you decided he didn't deserve to be there. It ended with you both in the same arena.

Over time, being in the same class softened spikes enough to realize you both were just hungry to become the best versions of yourselves for yourselves. Weighed down by desperation and a lack of patience.

"Kills me how you love me, then you cut me down, I'll do the same"

No one knew how to handle you two. Even teachers were conflicted. At the USJ incident, and the camp attack, you and Bakugou worked in perfect sync. Almost crazy looking smiles on your faces. The Pussy Cats even assumed you were "mates".

When Katsuki was kidnapped, you were the first to agree to saving him. You had been right alongside Midoriya when he had been taken, reaching out with that same desperation. The desperation was what burned you alive.

You two spent so much time together, bickering but with smirks and sweet smiles thrown in. Then, he'd say something cruel, and you wouldn't put up with it, always spitting a vile reply back in his face. Once the dorms were established, you both got into so many violent screaming matches that Aizawa had to switch your rooms. The fights always ended with you crying and him overworking himself because, as agonizing as the other could be, you both wanted each other close. You wanted to burn, and you wanted him to burn with you.

"We've been living like angels and devils"

He was powerful, smart, talented, and attractive. He was worshipped like a God, but crumbled like false idols always do. His wings slowly lost their pristine whiteness as he clawed for success. His anger was a weak cry for 'more, more, more'. Yet, Angels can never be God, and he wasn't even God's favorite.

You were strong but never shiny enough. Always in the shadow of bright halos, electric bolts, shining smiles, and golden hearts. You spend hours every day after class, wrecking your body to gain at least a little more strength so you'll finally be able to own the world instead of being a slave to its bitterness. Everyone knows devils work in secret. otherwise, they're cast out entirely. Devils have to steal every bit of recognition and success they get. Their hard work will never be acknowledged or seen as worthy because their desire is deemed as ugly.

"I'm loving the pain, I never want to live without it"

You and Katsuki finally became official when you both realized your anger was passion. It was that same fire inside, and it was being mutually stoked by your similarities and drive. You fought constantly. Over stupid things that would turn into big things. A regular back and forth, tit for tat but with bursts of rage that left your ears ringing. However, the fights always ended in a rough kiss. Both of you are just so pent up with existence and goals that you have nowhere to put your uncontrolled anxieties onto each other. It always ended with Katsuki making you both an overly spicy dinner to irritate you while you huffed and found a movie you knew he hated, falling asleep in each other's arms halfway through.

"Through it all, you could still make my heart skip"

Sometimes, there'd be days on end of cold shoulders, silent treatment, passive aggression. It was confusing for everyone watching, but you always ran back to him because you knew he loved you more than anyone ever could. Anyone who has a lot of love could give you more, but he gave you all of his everything. He gave you his flaws, his attention, his support, his adoration, and his respect. He saw how capable you were and the strength you earned through hard work. Those quiet days were never lonely. Other people were blind to the quick love filled glances, the random dinners left in front of your door, and the perfectly prepared protein shakes left on his nightstand when he got back from training. They didn't see the single text you'd get during those times, "still love you, pretty."

"So why do we try?"

You asked him this question once during your post-fight ritual, and he looked down at you with an incredulous smile, his furrowed brows making the playful disbelief clear.

"Baby, look at us. You drive me insane."

[yandereunsolved]

could see yandere john if he had a sheriff darling purposely getting himself arrested just to see them/harass them, Jack too

I have so many thoughts on this.

Sheriff reader is always a lovely thought when it comes to rdr characters. And yes, like father―like son. It depends if we are talking high or low honor.

I'll do both. To please you all.

Yandere High Honor John would not want to be arrested. He is trying to change his ways. He needs to be better for his family. He isn't a religious man, but coveting another person while he is married is definitely a sin. He's already committed enough of those to last several each other.

So he chooses to help sherriff darling. He clears out the local gangs, buys them drinks, stalks them home and watches out for intruders, and even takes care of scum behind their back. Luring people to their deaths in the wilderness is just what friends do for eachother.

Sure. He dreams about what you feel like. He imagines marrying you too. He wants nothing more than to kidnap you and make you a farm spouse. But he won't. At least not yet. He's either gotta get Abigail on board or―keep you a secret. He really doesn't want to. He's tired of them. Secrets have gotten so many people he's loved killed.

Yandere Low Honor John gets arrested a lot. He's already considered a criminal but he can't be hung or jailed too long because he's working for the government. He's too old to care about 'future' consequences. His entire life has been dealing with future consequences.

He wants you. He wants you now.

And he doesn't have forever to wait. But he still loves to play games with you.

No matter your age he will still try and come off as the older, more dominant person in this weird relationship you have with him. But there's also no joke to his devotion. He will and has murdered people right in front of you for you before. And there's little you can do but lock him up for a few days and hope he'll stop.

He has no qualms about keeping you a secret from his family. He also cares about them somewhat less now that you are in his life. He feels like he is saving them out of obligation, not out of love.

Arthur's sacrifice still hits home for him. But why can't darling be part of the reason he never looks back? Abigail, Jack, and Uncle are the only reason his past is still haunting him. So would it be so bad if they died?

Yandere High Honor Jack is still somewhat the person his parents wanted him to be. He's a bounty hunter―a gunslinger, but not entirely at outlaw. He writes and he yearns. He knows he's too broken to be loved but still wishes for it.

So he gets arrested for more minor incidents. Although, he can't hold back from being violent towards people who are already being violent.

He is more respectful of you and your time. He offers to go on patrol with and or for you. He also hunts down escaped convicts.

Now he can't help but hate your job. You're part of the law who so ruthlessly murdered his pa. But it's like one of those romance books he snuck to read behind his ma's back. He'll help you see the error of your ways. Or kidnap you out of them. Whichever is easier.

He's also lessy mouthy, but still a perv. He just usually keeps those dirty thoughts to himself.

Yandere Low Honor Jack is nothing like the man his father and mother wanted him to be. He hates you so fucking much. And he has very few people to take his anger out on. So he takes it out on you.

He makes as much of a ruckus as he can. Chaos runs amok. And he does a damn good job of it. He's crafty. He knows how to evade you. And he spends most of his time doing just that.

He thinks it'll make you 'want him more' since you're chasing after him (quite literally). It makes his blood pump in more place than one. And who's to say he won't get handsy if he manages to knock you off your horse? Just a little kiss. Maybe more.

His favorite game is to try and mark you up before you can stop him. Whether that be from hickies or bruises you get from him attacking you.

Really the only time you can lock him up is when he's blackout drunk. And even then he manages to find ways to escape before you can hang him. It's just so hard to find good help these days. And you heavily suspect Jack is the one shooting (and brutually killing) the deputies you hire. So no one wants to work for you.

Sometimes he delays his escape from his cell just for fun. Teasing you, flirting, and or trying to bribe you―with not only money but also his body.

[ask-codeearasure]

Okay I know I said I'd send a mile-long ask about Histrionic Error sometime after I finished my post analyzing Covert Narcissist Cross, but at the time I forgot this blog is a side blog and I can't send asks from it. I would use my main instead and clarify this is the same guy yapping to you, but I don't feel like it.

A reblog might be more convenient for you anyway, we'll see.

I have much different headcanons for Error. Before I came across your version of the little bastard, my headcanons for him, that being based on the canon Error from askerrorsans, was that he's a Cluster A disaster (Paranoid, Schizoid, Schizotypal) with traits of BPD. But upon closer inspection of Histrionic Personality Disorder based on your version of Error, I've had to rearrange and rethink my approach and prior conclusion.

There have been theories about what exactly Error suffers from, for reference. This is one of the oldest, reblogged by CrayonQueen herself. Very thorough, but I can't say I agree with every symptom and diagnosis listed. I just can't vibe with the idea that yet another mass fucking murderer has Schizophrenia. I've seen other headcanons where Error is a Covert Malignant Narcissist (BPD + ASPD + NPD), and I dislike that for the same reasons. I'm tired of it only being murderers and abusers being headcanoned with some of the most stigmatized mental illnesses.

Here's the thing, and this may or may not apply to your variant of Error and that's fine, I'd just like to rant about this real quick.

The idea that Error in general seeks out attention is a concept that might have been introduced by Underverse, when Error showed up in that one Outertale genocide timeline to ask Nightmare where the fuck Ink went and Nightmare asked him "Are you looking for attention again?". I don't recall an older source, so that's the one I'm defaulting to.

That's a fun idea, that Error seeks out specific people for attention. Unfortunately this wasn't a thing with the original variation of Error, who was more than happy to isolate and compliment himself. He appreciated attention from Tumblr Users, but it was evident his sense of self-esteem was not dependent on them. Heck, one could say he prefers his own company over that of other people's in general, because even following positive or somewhat positive encounters with others, both characters like Blueberry and Tumblr Users alike, it would quickly be followed up by paranoid suspicion that he was going to be taken advantage of and/or manipulated. This is where my primary headcanons for Error come in, mainly that he's got Paranoid and Schizotypal Personality Disorders, which greatly interfere with how he interacts with others and where his delusions and fears of losing agency or control come from. The isolation and lack of much care or interest in others is where the Schizoid traits come in.

There's also the fact he acts very different depending on where he is. The Anti-Void is his safespace. It is the dimension where he harbors the most control over himself and others, and that is why he's the most relaxed, so to speak. Outside the Anti-Void though, he's guarded and on the attack. He is on a mission either to destroy a reality with no mercy in mind or he wants to go to Outertale and not be bothered.

However, your Error is clearly meant to be different, and he intrigues me. I said before that I have a special interest in personality disorders, and just before I saw your posts about some of your boys being Cluster B (we share a braincell in Ink having ASPD, I am so happy about that), I was going to lose my mind from a complete lack of Histrionic acknowledgement. I was just about to add traits of HPD to my version of Error just for the fuck of it, so in a way you have both inspired me further and saved my last quarter of a marble.

Now, I haven't seen everything about your Error, but from what art I have seen, he's a total bitch <3. He's fuckin hilarious, I like him.

Here's the thing. Because I don't know everything about your Error that you have shared on your blog thus far, I am not gonna make accurate observations about how HPD fits with him. What I do know is he seeks attention, especially from what I assume would be Ink and Geno (based on your previous asks and art), who may serve as his "Attention People" (ATP is the shorthand), and if he's anything like Underverse's Error, he'll go absolutely hogwild if he needs their attention and can't fucking find them to save his life.

Note how this list of diagnostic criteria cites sexual and/or provocative behavior as a quite common variation of behavior Histrionics use to attract attention, implying that many Histrionics have been sexually abused in some way. This may or may not apply to your version of Error, I don't know, and I'm not going to assume that's the case. Here's a source that doesn't cite implications of sexual abuse as much in HPD criteria.

There are Histrionics who have not suffered sexual abuse and they seek attention through other means, expressing themselves in whatever way that's loud and extreme enough to get the attention they desire.

Just like with BPD and NPD, which I have talked about around five, six days ago? For a patient to be diagnosed with HPD, they need to experience at least 5 of the diagnostic criteria presented. With your Error, again from what I am aware of, he matches with 1, 3, 4, 5, 6, and 7. That's six of the criterion. Could be more, could be less.

He feels very intensely and expresses it in impressionable and extreme manners, his mood swings are off the fucking shits, he's always admiring his appearance and seeks validation for that, is ridiculously dramatic and theatrical whenever he feels wronged or is recounting events where he felt cheated, and is gullible and easily led on to think or feel something about a subject that he previously had no reason to have a differing opinion for or an opinion at all on.

Would you say this is accurate or semi-accurate to your interpretation so far? I wanna know more. Histrionic Error scratches my brain in a way I need more of.

-- Sarco

LOOKS AT ERROR WITH HPD

I DIDNT KNOW THAT EXISTED BUT MY GOD YES THAT IS HIM,,,

I see him as being autistic too and it being the other reason why he is scared of people touching him apart from being in the antivoid for so long (feel like it’s both and they go hand in hand tbh, I have the same fear and getting overwhelmed with being touched due to being not used to it hence making the fear worse sucks ass)

that and him having the special interest of undernovalla and the seeing the puppets as comfort items

Also yes I see Geno as autistic too, and sans that he’s connected too

IKR?

And oh yeah Error is definitely both histrionic and Autistic, I even think he also has ADHD actually

Also his fear of touch with his autism is just a perfect combo shhdhd

(And hell ya Geno and Sans are autistic)

[killerzys]

Should probably post this on my venting account..oh well

[DO NOT ATTACK ANYONE THAT WAS MENTIONED]

Tw mentioning of cutting, say kill yourself, and F1zzyst4r

Please don't center me around this drama I'm not the one who needs the support Wenni is they have been a victim of F1zzyst4r for a year now I just want to simply explain.. how this has affected me.. but please show some support to Wenni and not me

More in the undercut

So there has been a lot on my mind been gone a few days so it feels a little bit more clearer

I do not want to meet the situation about me since I'm not the one who's being harassed Wenni has and I don't want to make the situation about me even though I am also being affected by it. Just not the way Wenni has been, that's why I have been scared to talk about how I'm feeling about Skittles.. and everything but uhh just because I don't want to make it about me I'm not the let's say main victim.. yes I have been harassed I don't know if was one of skittle's friends that told me this in my ask box but someone recently told me to kill myself and it threw me off

And for a while I felt forced to be friends with him (Skittles) I texted him before I blocked him that hey I felt forced to be your friend and it's making me uncomfortable.. I didn't say this part but the tracing also made me uncomfortable.. especially when it was clear that you copied someone else's design and is tracing someone else's art without credit or say oh yeah I make expired by this person inspiration, and now don't come attack me and say oh there's a few times that you didn't credit someone but as soon as someone say hey by the way maybe credit the person that gives you inspiration you @ them and I have I go back and edit pic or post and @ the person there is just sometimes where I get so excited that I forget but Skittles even after being called out and you're saying hey dude by the way maybe just give credit to the person that you take inspiration from Skittles is like erm actually they're tracing me!!

That's my point of view of how I see it and those other parts but I don't want to make this really long and boring to read

But I just mainly wanted to say how I've been infected by everything, after becoming friends with Skittles I thought they were kind and sweet they were to me but that's before I knew the full drama I did follow wenni on Pinterest for a while and seen little glimpse here and there last time I seen before I became friends with Skittles is that Wenni and Skittles were on good terms.. so I thought it was all right to be his friend, this whole friendship started because I made my old reference sheet of nighty, based off of on of wenni's old ref.. Skittles was like hey by the way maybe not copy me and I simply told them that I took inspiration from someone else that I didn't even know they were on the board, we became friends on Tumblr and talked, then I started getting targeted not targeted that's not the right word to say involved in drama that simply I was just watching from behind.. never had any attention to get involved with any of the drama but with my luck I somehow got into it because I was friends with Skittles.. I'm no longer friends with him and I feel free I feel safer now but I keep seeing the excuse of like his friends in my inbox "he made art for you and everything, he thought you guys were friends" just because you simply made art for me doesn't really mean anything I'm sorry? Like I make art for a lot of people doesn't mean I'm their friend I just think whatever OC or design I did was really neat and I wanted to draw it myself.. in the friend part I did see each other as friends but we never really communicated like we were friends.. we would talk to each other about the drama and I remember at some point I said whoever is tracing needs to own up to it now so this drama could be over and no one can get hurt or go through more mental health problems... But it seems that he didn't take that advice but oh well but other than talking about the drama and stuff we vented it to each other, there were a few funny moments but it's wasn't really friends? It was like that one buddy you see crossing the hall and you talk for a minute before going back to your class and then you don't see them for the rest of the year that's how it felt and before everything that happened I will admit I had a tad of a crush on Skittles but over time it started affecting me not in the greatest way... And I just lost all feelings when I got with my partner... And then at some point he would call me dear or something ? And sweetheart saying I'm sorry I think someone hacked my account acting all flirty with me which made me uncomfortable...

But besides that uhh he has now decided to text my mutuals or get his friends to do it I believe he's doing it because they are all anonymous and him or he got his friend to send something one of my mutuals inbox say hi by the way uhh river faked being friends with Skittles like a few times something something quite frankly I don't think you should be mutuals with them no more

Ok ok Skittles I see I see going to my mutuals telling them, that they should stop being friends with me because I stopped being friends with you because you're traced someone's art and copied many people's designs and when I tell you that I felt forced to be your friend and felt so uncomfortable and I unfollowed you which is a valid reason saying that I was uncomfortable and blocking you you're going to resort to going to my mutuals and basically harass them saying you should stop being friends with River, river is a bad friend you shouldn't be friends with them

Okay buddy like what? I've been trying to stay serious but the more I text this sentence the more I'm getting mad and the more I'm realizing the red flags that I should have realized from before... Honestly Skittles I hope you get help I hope you get therapy or something I'm not going to wish upon your death because honestly that's against what I believe which is nothing but like I don't believe in telling people they should kill themselves just because of certain actions I feel like they should get help now let's say if you were a pedophile now I would say kill yourself but does drama could have been resolved a long time ago if you just figured out your own art style who you are and stop copying someone to the point of copying that Wenni saying you have anger issues and trust issues ?

Wet Skittles I do wish that you get some therapy help mental help hell go to a mental asylum I don't care get help...

Now onto more stuff that like other things I've been thinking about

So basically going to my friends and harassing them

Having people go in my inbox harassing me saying like why did you stop being friends with Skittle kill yourself

It feels like you're using the fact that I used to have a crush on you against me and saying that we were friends because sometimes we made art for each other?

That's really it? Uh yeah I don't know this entire situation has just had me stressed about everything.. to the point where I'm having a hard time even drawing.. communicating with people talking and everything...it's really unbearable.. a few days ago I lost my streak .. because of this. The stress got so much that I took it out on myself I was almost 2-3 month clean..

[simp-ly-writes]

The Master

─────── · ·  For All Time: The Series (pt.2)

─ · · PAIRING: 10th Doctor x F!Time Lord!Reader, 10th Doctor x Rose Tyler

─ · · SUMMARY: You are experiencing Heartbreak, a medical term for Time Lords and other long-living beings after a Soul Bond has been broken. So lost in your wallowing and left stranded in a sea of memories you become startled when a face from your past comes to the present.

─ · · TAGS: female pronouns used, second person perspective, canon divergence, soulmate au, emotional angst, depictions of anxiety attacks, coarse language, eventual happy ending (but not yet), not beta read.

─ · · MASTERLIST | TAGLIST REQUEST | WORDCOUNT: 3,004

─ · · A/N: 🗣️ LORE!- in today's chapter

─────── · · 

You sat in your TARDIS somewhere on the edge of the universe, where you observed a supernova spreading its way across the abyss of space. A thousand coloured gases blurred and blended into a forbidden palette in which you feasted your eyes upon, temporarily distracting you from the dull ache still rumbling in your chest. 

The TARDIS hummed a sad, soft tune, rumbling gently at your feet as you paced up and down the halls, kicking at invisible stones before glaring at a speck on the wall. You were upset that you waited this long for him only to be paid back with what could be considered a slap to the face in the form of Rose Tyler. Younger, prettier, more charming… Sure, you considered her a lovely girl and it was silly of you to wait centuries for a man but the Doctor was no ordinary person, no, he was something extraordinary that made you feel more alive… and yet you felt dead as ever when a mere moments ago you could’ve seen him. 

A part of you wondered what would have happened if you stayed… if he would greet you friend or foe, with a hug or a kiss to the temple like he used to, but that was something you’d never know for the rest of your long existence. If he’s happy with her then I won’t come in between the two of them, you remind yourself with a heavy sigh, If he’s happier with her… 

You shouldn’t feel so bitter but how could you not? How could I not… you shake your head of these thoughts, trying to find your inner resolve once again as you make your way to the console room and check your flight data before tinkering and performing some general maintenance that soon turns into deep cleaning as you tunnel vision on the task, removing anything and everything that reminded you of the Doctor and placing the boxes into deep storage. 

You don’t know if it had been hours, days, or years once you stopped, hair pointing in all directions atop your head, brow covered in a line of sweat that you try to wipe off while catching your breath. You think back to the Doctor whilst leaning against a railing, how good he would look maintaining his TARDIS, smirking up at you with every tool you passed him, a single strand of hair dipping across his forehead that your fingers ached to brush away- stop it! You commanded your brain, hitting your palm against your forehead repeatedly. 

You cannot be some desperate ex, (name), you are not some desperate ex, you tell yourself like a mantra before heading to the showers and allowing the warm water to cover your skin as you hold yourself underneath the showerhead. Just because you bonded your souls together does not mean what you had was forever.

Lathering yourself in your favourite soap and moisturizing afterwards you take off to the library in a simple bathrobe and slippers in search of a story to distance yourself with but before you can even make it halfway, the Tardis suddenly rumbled before you heard a loud BANG! And you were falling against a wall clenching on a door frame to keep yourself somewhat upright. I just can’t catch a break now, can I? You thought to yourself, waiting an additional moment after the TARDIS stills again before standing straight and heading back towards the console room. 

THE DOOR, THE DOOR! The TARDIS screams in your head as you quicken your pace, turning another corner to find the door wide open, space and stars clearly in view before becoming overshadowed by a TARDIS and a… dress shoe? What? You blink and rub your eyes, thinking yourself to either be going mad or tired in your current state. A voice calls down from the stairs that you can’t recognize but it must have been serious to find and catch me way out here. 

“Is there a little lady in there?” you freeze, and they know my name atop of all that. You slowly peer up the steps, eyes trailing from a black leather shoe up to a matching black suit, white shirt and the smiling face of a man that you don’t recognize. 

“Don’t tell me you don’t remember who I am. You mustn’t insult me that much when welcoming me into your home,” their smile does not falter, only growing as you grow more concerned by their forwardness and by how they tower over you once descending the stairs, standing above you on the last step. 

You flinch at their sudden touch, their hand grips your jaw, caressing your cheek as you shiver and groan in pain, the aftermath of your soul-bond heartbreak still lingering in your system. You blink up at them, not wanting to seemingly offend the intruder anymore but silently demand for their name. 

“It's me, the Master,” they deadpan, dropping your face and shoving you aside, the contrast of emotions has your head spinning as you race to close the door before carrying on after them. 

“It cannot be… how’re you alive?” you gasp trying to solve the riddle in your head before suddenly remembering all those times you fell asleep on this very man’s shoulder while back at the Time Lord Academy or how he would always sweep you away to distant planets when you were in a mood. You remember how he sat at the front of your and the Doctors wedding, felt his stare throughout the entire night, and then… nothing well, nothing until now. 

You stare at him more closely, walking up with caution as you raise your hand, tracing over his shoulder before gesturing to him to lean down further, you bite your lip to hide the bittersweet remembrance of the mischief that never seemed to leave his eyes since you were both young. 

“I have my ways,” the Master laughs, nose scrunched at you in a teasing motion as you roll your eyes in reply, “of course, I should have known better than to ask.” 

“That you should, know better,” he replies, you sense that even in the humor-cladded tone there is a degree of underlying seriousness to his words that have you looking down at your feet, wincing slightly at your appearance once seeing you only had one slipper on and were in fact, still in just your bathrobe. 

“I heard you and the Doctor had a run-in, so-to-speak,” the Master continues talking as he taps his shoe near your feet, “don’t be embarrassed by your appearance, you still look as beautiful as the last time I saw you.”

You take a step back, once again confused by the duality of the Time Lord before you seemingly having two different conversations at once. “I don’t think I’m following… and how did you know about that?”

“What do you think my answers going to be?” the Master tuts, “we did just go over that material and I’ve seen you covered in mud during the ancient olympic games back in our 100s, or did you forget that too?” 

“You have your ways?” you scoff, trying to use attitude to cover your blush of the memory of your more… wild days, “and to think I missed you and this ego and attitude of yours.”

“You missed me?” the Master coos, “I missed you too oddly enough. You should be honoured I temporarily stopped all my scheming at the mention of your name.” 

“Consider me flattered then,” your tone flat yet eyes sparkling with humour that the Master does not miss instead lacing his arm around your own and leading you towards the library where you take seats across from one another. 

“Now you didn’t answer my earlier question, how did your meeting with the Doctor go?” the Master asks again, taking a long drink of the tea you prepared for yourself earlier. You watch as he downs the cup fully before pouring himself another, casting you a wink partway and humming at the taste, awaiting your answer while leaning back. 

“I ran away before I could meet him, I…” you pause, looking down at your hands, “...I thought I was the only one, that I was losing my mind still feeling him after all these regenerations since the Time Wars and yet,” you grit your teeth, “I- nevermind.” You reach across the table to fill your cup, grabbing a digestive along the way to dip in your tea. 

“And yet he moved on, right? Got with that Rose girl, killed a few thousand species in order to ‘save others’ and forgot all about you… know that I never did, not for a moment. Trust me, I looked everywhere for you for at least a century,” the Master stares at you, every word spoken earnestly, not a spec of mischief to be seen within his irises. 

Your lip quivers as you wrap your arms around yourself, nodding slowly. You both sit there for a moment and you are thankful that the Master is giving you time to process his words before you whisper, “Thank you for missing me… I’ve missed you too, old friend. It’s nice knowing someone else is out there in the abyss.” Your cold skin warms slightly upon seeing the first truthful smile from him of the night, it’s small and toothless, eyes squinted gently as he breathes softly through his nose. 

“Space has been boring without you somewhere in it,” he murmurs, reaching over to refill your cup with what was left of the kettle. He sits forward, elbows resting on knees, head in hands as he simply observes you. “What?” you move your head from side to side watching as his gaze follows. 

He shrugs, keeping his position and lingering stare, “just reminiscing.”

“About what?” you press, taking a sip from your cup. 

“About all that was, about what could have been and what’s happened,” he lets out a long sigh, eyes cast aside and over your shoulder before continuing, “do you plan on ever talking to the Doctor?” 

You pause mid-sip, slowly setting your cup down in your lap, “not for awhile at least. I think I need to do some work on myself before I try to speak with him.” 

The Master nods, that small smile spreading yet eyes remaining distant, a cold draft suddenly surrounds the space making you shiver in your seat. “Good, you were always the wise one.”

You both sit in silence after his comment as you start picking at the fluffs on your bathrobe and counting the books across the shelves before the Master speaks up once more, “may I offer some parting words” You raise a brow, staying silent allowing him to continue, watching as he stands, stretching before adjusting his coat and tie- walking towards the door. 

“I’m not a good man, I never plan on being one, but I am an honest one in admitting this to you, that is what makes the Doctor and I different from one another. He will always promise to do better, he’ll fix one thing and ruin ten others…he will ruin others while claiming good intentions. But you already know that… don’t you?” 

The Master does not wait for your response as you hear the door closing behind himself, his footsteps trailing away and down before silence greets you like another old friend, sitting with you, sipping tea until it goes cold with time. 

You wanted nothing more than to stand, run after and defend the Doctor, the man that you knew to be outspoken in the face of injustice and serve kindness, but this was the same man that broke your heart- almost killing you in the process. You did not know who the Doctor was anymore, you shouldn’t claim to know after centuries of separation. For the person you knew yourself to be then, happiest in the presence of the Doctor, was long gone and it only took until now to realize that you had to be a new Lady without their Doctor. 

─────── · ·  

“But you failed to listen here, didn’t you?” Rose stated, poking at the Doctor's chest. In her own pain she was feeling she failed to realize just how deeply the Doctor was hurting as he shoved her away, clutching at his shirt while heaving, coughing and choking on air. 

Rose started back and into the console, he’s having the same reaction as her… why… how? Rose thought to herself. “Don’t touch me, please, it-” a sharp intake of air, his knuckles white as he grips a rail, “-it hurts. Feels like an ice-cold burn,” the Doctor explains his actions while hunched over himself. 

Rose can hear the unshed tears in his vocals, he appears raw- feral even in pain, twitching at the lightest brush of air. Rose opens and closes her mouth, at a loss for words in having never seen her Doctor this way. “Is there anything I can do to help? What’s going on Doctor, I’m scared for you,” Rose whispers, taking a half-step forwards. 

The Doctor does not respond. “I could get you some water? How about a snack? Blanket?” Rose rattles off a list of answers for him to nod to yet receives no answer again. She sees how tightly his jaw is clenched and swears to hear a tooth crack at the force. “Doctor?” she calls out again, taking another half-step forward before the Doctor quickly extends his arms forwards, keeping her at a distance. “Don’t. I’m fine. Just need a moment-”

“You said that ten minutes ago and you’re still like this! Just tell me what's wrong, let me help you, please!” Rose begs, her own eyes starting to burn. 

“I’m going through a heartbreak,” the Doctor whispers before choking back a sob that lets way to the floodgates from speaking the words into a reality he thought he’d never have to face. 

“I’ve gone through many of those, I know they hurt but pain is only temporary, I’m sure that-” Rose starts trying to console the Time Lord, crouching down further to make herself appear even smaller and sitting on the floor, back against a panel of the console before getting cut off, “no, this is not what you humans have, it's a medical condition, a state for us when we,” the Doctor hesitates to continue, he does not want to admit the truth, “...when we break a Soul Bond. Potentially deadly but mine was already weak- hurts like hell nevertheless.” 

“A Soul Bond?” Rose tests the term on her tongue, “what's that?” 

The Doctor manages to chuckle at her genuine curiosity breaking through the tension of this moment. He opens his eyes, blinking quickly to readjust to the lighting as the wave of pain has lessened. “For us Time Lords and other long-living beings it's like a more official marriage.” 

“Oh, so… is there like some spell you recite or…?” Rose presses, catching the Doctor's eye as a weak smile spreads across his face. “Not entirely but you can say vows during it… It's a rather…” Rose blinks, eyes in disbelief at the fiery blush that starts appearing on the Doctor's ears before trailing down his neck, “...intimate ceremony where you bond your essences together.” The Doctor coughs before loosening his tie. 

“Oh…” Rose starts to blush as well, lips pushed inwards and eyebrows raised. “Yeah,” the Doctor murmurs before sniffling. “So you and Lady…” Rose trails off hoping that the Doctor would pick up and clarify her words. 

The Doctor stares at Rose, holding her stare for a moment, “yes, she was my partner for over 50 years before we committed to the bond. Before that we grew up together and attended the same Time Lord Academy. She focused her studies on other-planetary relations and texts throughout time while I studied stellar engineering and general history.”

Rose laughs, “general history? For an alien I thought your subjects would be more, well, alien, you know?” The Doctor joins her laughter while also taking a seat on the TARDIS’s metal floors within the console room. 

“I’ll have you know that history is something all should learn no matter species or age, it's valuable to any and all,” The Doctor explains while pointing a finger forwards, wiggling it around in Rose’s face. Rose smiles widely while shaking her head at his actions, “but 50 years… wow.”

“That was just before we completed our bond, before the Time Wars sparked again we were together for almost one hundred years,” The Doctor's smile slowly slides off his face again, fingers tapping against the metal plates of the floor. 

Rose takes a large gulp, she would never live long enough to ever experience something like that and in some way, it made her feel inferior to you even when she was the one currently sitting in front of the Doctor just within reach.

“Soul Bonds are meant to be a for-life thing, it's a reason why not many in my kind completed theirs. You give something a piece of your soul, never to return but trust in the other to keep it safe.”

“So you’re now missing a part of your existence… forever?” Rose asks. 

The Doctor nods, head hung low, “forever and then some if we don’t reform the bond.” 

“So if your bond was still fresh or strong, what would happen then?” Rose bites her lip, knowing that she shouldn’t have asked such a question but her interest in the subject matter grows with each silver of information the Doctor feeds her. 

“I’d be dead,” the Doctor’s tone cold, “it’d be like I never existed in the first place.” He suddenly stands before flicking a switch and inputting a time and place, “How about a visit to your mum? I’m sure she’s missing you.” Rose looks up at the Doctor, watching as he focuses on his calculations, hands working subconsciously and at a rapid pace across the work surface. 

─────── · · 

─ · · A/N: apologies for the lore dump but its what had to be done!

─ · · FOR ALL TIME TAGLIST: @posionapple24 @azriel64290 @smallerontheoutside @soniiyi @spirit-of-the-hollow @f0x33

[7postitsjumpingonabed]

TF2 Mamma Mia! AU

Cannot over stress how it’s-on-the-tin this is.

If you’re curious, my qualifications for this are the fact I’ve seen the movie like 4 times and am currently in a production of the musical so I know my shit.

Also Mamma Mia! is a romcom so I’ll just say the roms I chose are Sniper/Scout, Spy/Ma, minor Heavy/Medic, and optional Soldier/Demo(I present two options).

That’s all the preamble, lets get into this

Sophie

Alright let’s start with the most important character, who is our bride-to-be and catalyst for the whole plot? Scout, of course. Did I mostly pick him because he has known familial relationships that are easily enough translated to these characters? Yes absolutely. Did I also pick him because he seems the type to think inviting three strangers who could be his dad to his wedding is a good idea, he seems the type to be excited over a large and exciting wedding, and is commonly characterized with some form of anxiety that would lead really well into ‘Under Attack’? Also yes absolutely. Broadly, I think that Scout’s young, enthusiastic, and not-forward thinking personality lines up well with Sophie. For this we are going to ignore the other 7 Willis boys as characters, sorry unnamed brothers Sophie is very significantly an only child.

Skye

A reader with baseline knowledge of Mamma Mia! and who read the preamble can easily guess that Sniper is my Skye. I chose him because I like Speeding Bullet, he would definitely prefer a quiet elopement over a big white wedding, and he is also commonly characterized as kind of whipped for Scout so I would see him begrudgingly accepting this wedding as his life and making it work. You may be seeing this and asking ‘Postit, how on earth are you getting Sniper to dance, sing, and do all that theater kid bullshit?’ And to that I raise two things, 1. that is making me think of a community theater AU and that’s absolutely hilarious and now I want to make it but as I write this I’m realizing he would be in lighting… alright anyway 2. Through musicals are things are possible so write that down. Scout and Sniper going off to travel together seems very accurate and cute as well.

Donna

Alright this one should be clear, it’s Scout’s Ma. In all honesty I did briefly consider having Spy in this role but the fact that Sophie wants her dad at her wedding to do dad things is really important to setting the plot in motion so I’ve relegated him to a different role. Anyway besides literally being Scout’s mom I think she fits well because despite her lack of characterization, from what we do know about her she is a no-nonsense hard worker, who is trying to move past old and questionable decisions, and support her son in what she thinks is a silly decision. Overall I just think she’s the best option and can be made to fit well.

Ali and Lisa

If you only have a passing knowledge of Mamma Mia! you might not know these characters, and honestly I considered combining them into one person because they don’t have large individual impacts but it just worked better to keep them both, but they’re Sophie’s friends and advisors, as well as generation counter parts to Rosie and Tanya. I chose Ms. Pauling and Pyro for these roles. I had really no ideas on this front so it got filled in near the end of planning but I think Pauling and Pyro work well enough. I think if Pauling and Scout can move past potential love

Sam Carmichael

Who else? It’s Spy. With Scout’s Ms as Donna there wasn’t really any other choice. Sam is sort of the prime father and ends up marrying Donna at the end of the story. The second act songs between him and Donna are all about the past, regrets, and missed opportunities and that goes perfectly with the implied dynamic between Spy and Scout’s Ma. In this AU ‘Loraine’ would be Spy’s job, he would leave to work it and come back only to find Ma with other men. Speaking of.

Harry Bright

Harry is contemplative, plays the guitar, and had a ‘rough’ past that doesn’t reflect his current quieter life? Now who does that sound like? Engineer isn’t canonically an ex-punk but the idea of him ‘headbanging’ is really funny. I largely chose him because of his demeanor and the irony of him being a punk in a previous life but the straight forward attitude and guitar playing are also very appropriate.

Bill Anderson

Heavy is my Bill Anderson because he’s the last reasonable man left, his writing associations, and the fact Bill’s two duets in the musical have him mostly responding to another’s behavior. After Heavy the men get a little more visibly insane, even on a picturesque Greek vacation. Bill is a writer and travel books aren’t exactly Russian lit but the general idea lines up. The role of Bill being quiet most of the time and being the first father to figure out his relation to Sophie feels very Heavy.

Rosie

Rosie is Donna’s friend that is on the wild side, never married, and ends up ‘taking a chance’ (imagine me lightly elbowing you at my joke) on Bill. Replace Bill with Heavy and that’s an in complete description of Medic. I can see Medic having not terrible, if not normal, friendships with people willing to embrace the lunacy. A lady who shot her shot with Spy of all people and raised Scout can definitely handle some lunacy. Also there’s a line somewhere, musical or movie, when Bill mentions having one of Rosie’s cookbooks, and that seems like a sweet, Red Oktoberfest thing to do.

Tanya

For lack of better option, Demo is my Tanya. There’s no particularly strong connections between them but Demo needs to go somewhere and Soldier is even worse of a fit for this role. Since this is where he’s going I’ll propose that, if the viewer desires so and is willing to lose the alignment of Tanya’s marriages with the one happening at the end, the series of failed marriages could be changed to jobs, which would give this hypothetical casting more cohesion.

Pepper and Eddy

The only merc left is Soldier and I think him as a largely unhelpful, partying, kind of a freak feels… not terrible. This is where my two options in the Soldier/Demo situation is explained, you can go classic ‘Does Your Mother Know?’ and set the two up as romantic counterparts or you could just have them as friends. Like, Soldier is a ‘bad’ influence and Demo is trying to be normal for Scout’s Ma but is having too much fun with Soldier to resist. I think both work fine and it depends on preferences. For Eddy I want an unenthusiastic Merasmus. We know that Soldier just harasses him and drags him into random scenarios so a reluctant Merasmus can fit as a variation on Eddy so the cast is all lined up.

That’s where my fan cast ends but I want to say that if anyone wants to work with this idea, go ahead but tag me so I can see! Also I’m still thinking about Spy!Donna so there might be a follow up…. But we’ll see. Thank you for reading!

[wooahaeruby]

Chapter 43: Light Behind The Door

TW

Description of panic attack/flash back

Master List | Prev | Next

“You haven’t been sleeping,” Seonghwa stated bluntly, shaking his head. “Sit down on your bed so I can check you out, please.  

“Hey, give me a break, be happy I slept yesterday uninterrupted.” You huffed, sitting down as he asked. “I’m not exactly in the best mental state, alright?” 

Seonghwa sighed, motioning if you could turn your face side to side so he could see how things were healing. “Have you been eating?” 

“As much as I can tolerate. Some days are better than others but I am trying to keep up eating at least once a day.” 

You could tell he didn’t like the answer by his frown but made no comment. “Pain?” 

“There is some pain. If I move weird or lay on my sides too long, my ribs and sides still hurt, but I can tolerate it. The burns on my side itch, especially the one on my chest but you said nothing can really help with that. I feel pretty weak too, but that could also be the mental block.” 

He asked you to unbutton some of your shirt so he could see the healing brand. You had removed the bandages prior to him coming in, knowing there was no use to cover it back up if it needed to be checked out. Leaning your head back, you tried your best to hold back from flinching when Seonghwa leaned in, but still leaned away. Seonghwa hummed, standing straight and turning to dig into his bag. 

“So far, everything is looking alright. I’m not concerned about anything physically. I’d like you to try and eat more, get more sleep as well. I did get that heart monitor, you could be fine at this point, however, please humor me and wear it for two weeks.” He showed you the small device, explaining that it needed leads and wires since the wireless one would need to sit on the sensitive skin around the brand. This made it easier to get around that. 

You weren’t going to like it, but you’d listen and do as you were told to get healthier. He asked you to reapply the bandages to your chest before continuing. Slowly, Seonghwa showed you where to place all the sticky leads, avoiding as much of the healing skin as possible. You hated the feel of the adhesive and the wires ghosting over your chest, skin crawling and the already annoying itch jumping to a new level. 

“Only two weeks and if it’s all clear, you can trash it, got it?” He managed to crack a small smile, seeing you pout and hearing your huff. “It’s going to be alright, Mouse, at some point you might not even feel it.”

“F to doubt.” You scoffed, dropping your gaze. “Can I ask you something?” 

Perking up, he nodded, bringing the rolling chair over and sitting down. “Of course you can, Mouse.” 

“Have you ever pursued therapy?” 

A quiet hum left him, nodding his head in understanding as he gazed aimlessly. “Personally, no, though multiple within ATZ have. Are you considering it?” 

“Last night I was asked by Cheol if I would. Rheia has someone, I said it was a good idea but I have a lot of self doubt that is fucking me up. And also needing to trust someone else with what I’ve gone through… I’m not sure of everything basically.” 

Staying silent for a moment, Seonghwa clasped his hands together in thought, leaving you wondering what was running through his mind. “You are going to be unsure of yourself every single day, there isn’t a doubt in the world about that. However, do you think you’ll regret not speaking with a professional to help? Will you regret not taking a healthy step to overcome this? In my eyes, the pros will always outweigh the cons of it. Yes, you can worry about trusting someone, but they hold more confidentiality then I probably would. If Rheia trusts this person, I doubt there will also be any issue.” 

Swallowing thickly, you understood what he meant perfectly. You would regret not pursuing help for yourself, you’d regret that you could stay a shell of yourself willingly. 

“Can I ask who in ATZ got therapy?” 

“Jongho, Hongjoong, San, and Mingi.” There wasn’t any hesitation in his answer, the strongest all have a low point. “All for similar but different reasons. They got treated nonetheless. They know when they want to go back after something happens. They know that it’s a safe space and it's a healthy space with no judgment. I believe they are stronger for seeking help since they are willing to treat themselves.” 

You unintentionally started to pick at the loose skin around your nails, giving a short, minuscule nod to yourself. “Did…you bring Jongho with you?” You were sure you heard him earlier…

Seonghwa snickered, shoulder shaking. “He has been yapping my ear off, asking to come today since you’ve replied to zero of his texts.” 

“Yeah, it was overwhelming with over a hundred messages between everything. I was lucky I could message one person in the house.”

“I could only imagine.” He shook his head and stood, reaching into his bag once more and retrieving the cream for your brand, bandages, and medical tape. “These should last you until I see you next, but let me know if that changes. Would you like for me to send Jongho in?” 

“If you don’t mind?” 

“Not at all. I’ll message you when I’d like to stop by next.” 

“Thanks, maybe next time I’ll be able to come to you.” 

His lips slipped once more into a gentle smile. “I’d like to see that, Mouse.” 

Seonghwa bid you a farewell, clicking his tongue just beyond the threshold. “You are a pest.” 

“Shut up-” You could hear the pout on Jongho’s face. 

“Go on, we came in the same car so please don’t take forever.”

A thank you left the younger man’s lips before Jongho stepped in, shutting the door behind him. He looked frazzled, needing a few nights rest similar to you, but you said nothing. They would be the pot calling the kettle black. He quickly placed himself down on the chair Seonghwa once occupied. 

“Hi.” He started and you let out a breathy laugh. 

“Hey, sorry for not getting back to you-” 

Jongho shook his head, clicking his tongue. “Don’t even worry about it. Wooyoung talked to Chan and they said you were alright so I wasn’t too worried.” 

“Thank god because opening my phone has been a no go. Too many messages.” You huffed out a sign, shivering at the thought. “Kinda wanted to send a mass fuck off but I decided against it.” 

“I think a lot of us might have raided the house if you did.” Hearing him laugh had a light, calm feeling settling in your chest. “But I'm glad you’ve been taking care of yourself as much as you can. You’ve been through something horrible and I’m proud of you.” 

“I have a long road ahead of-” 

“It is still a road to travel forward, no matter the bumps in it.” 

Your gaze fell, brushing your hair back from your face. “Jongho…Can you tell me why you went to therapy?” 

He paused then sat back, folding his head in his lap. “After I aged out of foster care, I had a lot of anger built up. I can’t even begin to describe it. Once you and I got separated, it just got more and more angry. I met Seonghwa at the clinic after I got into a fight on the street and was banged up pretty bad. I lashed out a bunch at him especially when he introduced me to Hongjoong. Joong suggested it and I’ve been going on and off for a lot of reasons from my childhood to my current work.”

You took in his words wordlessly, nodding along so he knew you were listening. He didn’t look troubled by talking about it either, which was refreshing. You know some people are scared to admit to seeking therapy due to the stigmas of mental health. 

“I’m going to try therapy out.” You admitted to him and the tenderest smile spread on his lips. Sighing through your nose, you scratched the back of your neck awkwardly. “We’ll see how it goes. I’ve never gone before now.” 

“Unless they are shit, they will, well should , work on your pace to build up the confidence and trust to talk. Most have amazing patience. Mine matched my energy greatly back then and evolved how I needed them to.” He snickered, drumming his hands on his thighs before standing. “Tell me how it goes, okay? Let some people help if you can manage.” 

You shook your head but grinned. “I’ll try, Jongho. Tell everyone I said hi and that I’m doing okay so they don’t worry.” 

“Will do, chief. Get some rest.” Jongho gave a wave on his wave out, closing the door behind him.

You got the information from Seungcheol after Seonghwa and Jongho left. Staring at the number, ready to be called, you panicked, frozen on the bed.

Why was it so hard to ask for help? 

Was it your long standing hyper-independence? More than likely. You were used to handling all your issues by yourself. You were used to getting up despite your problems and moving on with your days. 

Now you couldn’t easily do that. 

You closed the phone app and directed yourself to your messages, finding the one group chat you needed at that moment. 

[To Threeway 12:23 PM]  Are you home? 

From beyond the door, you heard something drop and a call of Joshua’s name from Jeonghan. You couldn’t help the smile that fought to spread on your lips. 

[To Threeway 12:24 PM] Very subtle Can you both come here?

“Are we in trouble?” Joshua questioned Jeonghan and the other groaned. 

“If we are, I’m not at fault, I haven’t done anything. I am blaming Cheol if we did something wrong.”

They approached quickly and knocked, waiting to hear permission to enter before the door opened. They stepped in with wide eyes, curious as to why you had summoned them into your safe space. You tucked yourself into the pillows against the headboard, clearing your throat. 

“Can you sit?”

Jeonghan took his desk chair while Joshua pulled an ottoman over. They looked nervous, tired, maybe a little lost. Jeonghan’s nails were picked at and the skin around his nail beds were red and irritated. Joshua’s lips were dry, picked, and had definitely bled at some point. They looked as hollow as you felt. 

“Are you okay? Do you need anything?” Jeonghan fired off questions and you shook your head, leaving him stumped. “Then-” 

“How are you two ?” 

Both of them made a face, like you just asked the dumbest question on the planet. You waited, raising a brow the longer the silence stretched on. They shared a look, unsaid words you couldn’t read. When they both looked back at you, Joshua was the first to break.

“I miss you.” His shoulders dropped. “I’m worried about you. So is everyone else. We are just going through the motions of each day. It hasn’t been easy.” 

Jeonghan picked at his nails and you grabbed a small pillow, tossing it quickly at him. He huffs and sits on his hands like a child, leg bouncing anxiously. He takes longer to speak but his head drops when he does. 

“I can’t sleep. We know we can’t fix this and, god , does it fucking suck. I wish this was a dream we could all wake up from soon-” Jeonghan groaned out of frustration, throwing his head back. A sniffle was heard. “I’ll kill whoever hurt you the minute you feel comfortable enough to tell us, Mouse.” 

The seriousness in his tone wasn’t necessary to know he was speaking the truth. Joshua gave a short nod in agreement, the rest of SVT probably held the same opinion, let alone the entire mafia alliance.

The faces of the Monsta X members flashed behind your eyes and you sunk into the mountain of pillows. Goose bumps spread all over your body, skin stinging with pins and needles. Your eyes went unfocused, breath held in your lungs burned to come out. The back of your throat burned and you were reminded of the gasps for air you took once you were pulled out of the water filled box. Your mind honed in on the pain that subtly radiated through your rips and the skin covering there, the electrical burns you tried to ignore. You bit the inside of your cheeks, holding back from scratching your skin raw. 

You still felt trapped in Limbo, only a new version of it. 

“Mouse?” The call of your name snapped you back to reality. You boyfriends looked concerned, shaky eyes scanning you. “You with us?” 

Nodding, you blinked a few times to clear the fog that settled over your mind. Looking down, you noticed your nails were digging roughly into your palms, leaving harsh credent indents. Unclenching your hands, and your jaw, flattened your palms out on your thighs, sighing. 

“I’m trying to start therapy…for all of this.” You motioned aimlessly at yourself. “But I’m having a hard time calling to set up an appointment.” 

Joshua leaned forward in his seat, elbows resting on his knees. “Do you know why it is hard?” 

“I have a few guesses.” Shrugging, you rolled your head to the side and felt the needed stretch. 

“Would you want to talk to us about them?” He continued, “if you are comfortable.” 

There wasn’t a reason to hide the reasons from them. You know you trusted them despite the proximity issue you had going on currently. 

“Asking for help when you’ve never seen a professional is hard. I’ve always been a keep it to yourself, hold onto it, and move on.” Your leg bounced with jitters. “I never sought out therapy before and now that I am, I’m nervous of what will happen. I have so many ‘what ifs’ running through my head that are also getting the better of me.” 

Jeonghan cleared his throat. “I can’t speak from experience, but…you won’t know what will happen until you call and take that step.” 

How did so many of them know what to say when you needed it even when the comments were simple? They spoke with grace and a wind beneath their wings. You envied the decorum they showed. 

You sucked in a deep breath and held it in your chest for a few seconds, calming the anxious heart beating. Placing a hand over the bandaged brand, you made up your mind and reached for your phone. 

“Will you both stay as I call and make the appointment?” Why the fuck were you nervous asking that? 

“Of course, sweetheart.” Joshua’s sweet, calming voice grounded you.

Jeonghan hummed his similar answer, smiling. “Always here to help, love.” 

It still took you a few moments to make the phone call, staring displeased at the numbers boring back at you. Your significant others were waiting with bated breaths, silence as you built up the mental courage to proceed. When you pushed the call button, they both gave you gazes full of pride but the dial tone spiked your anxiety. 

The woman who answered sounded nice, maybe an older woman. Before she was able to get any information, you informed her that Rheia had given you the number and she hummed into the phone. She asked you some general questions for your name, birthday, and asked if you’d like to be seen as soon as possible. She took a note of you saying you’d like online appointments to start, hearing the clicking on a keyboard on the other side of the line. You would need a computer and a webcam, the doctor deeming it a hundred per cent necessary to know what she was working with. 

By the end of the call, you had an afternoon appointment the next day, a lighter feeling in your chest, and two wide, gorgeous smiles gleaming back at you. 

“You did good, sweetheart.” Joshua beamed, nudging Jeonghan with his elbow. 

Jeonghan looked just as proud, still sitting on his hands to stop his nervous habits. “I’m – We’re proud of you.” 

“That took more energy out of me than I expected.” You slumped, pulling a pillow close to your chest. 

“Join us in the living room?” Jeonghan asked. “We can put on some movie and eat since we were going to make something anyways.” 

You thought through the idea, knowing you leaving the room would be beneficial. You also needed to speak to Wonwoo about using Pandora tomorrow afternoon…

“That sounds amazing…let’s go.”

It was the second time you had fallen asleep in the living room and woke hours later. Similar to the first time, you didn’t dream, only calm, necessary slumber. 

After your previous loveseat nap, you stayed up all night. Once Seungcheol went off to bed fully, you really tired to fall asleep once more in bed but it never came. Though he said he would wash the blankets, your antsy energy had you washing and drying them all, sitting impatiently on the floor of the laundry room. With hours to spare after the laundry, you…did all the dishes and cleared out the dishwasher

You snuck into Pandora again, continuing on with simple games and a movie to occupy you, curled up in your bundle of blankets. At some point, you fell asleep, waking up to a nightmare covered in sweat, and trudged upstairs after cleaning up to sit in Jeonghan’s room. 

Now it seemed about the same. 

The house was peacefully quiet, you definitely missed dinner but a small note was on the side table, only noticed when you sat up. 

Didn’t want to wake you, dinner is in the fridge - JS 

There was a small, attempted doodle of a chicken, if you had to guess, directly under his handwriting. It made you shake your head and smile. Quietly, you found the plate of baked chicken and vegetable medley. How did you honestly sleep through them cooking? Typically they were loud, sound filling the whole house, especially at dinner time. 

“Maybe games…” You whispered to no one, heating up the food in the microwave, watching it spin and spin until it was heated through. “Definitely games…” 

With food in hand and a blanket acquired, you kicked the Gengar bean bag chair towards the door to Pandora. You pushed it down the stairs, landing unceremoniously at the door. You tried to step over it to press your hand to the print pad, keeping the food from spilling, and pushing the door open with some struggle. 

Kicking the bean bag through the door and shutting it behind you, the clearing of someone’s throat had you looking up. 

Wonwoo was sitting comfy in his computer chair, hair a mess, headphones on, and two monster energy drinks beside his keyboard. He pushed his glasses up tiredly, blinking up at you. 

“Hey,” He spoke first, eyeing the bean bag chair. 

“Typically you are asleep at this time.” 

“You know I know you’ve been coming in here, right?” It was an innocent question, there wasn’t any accusation behind his tone. 

You set your lips in a flat line, kicking the bean bag chair lightly to make more talking room. “Kinda figured. I only came down when you weren’t here because- you know…” 

A beat of silence passed before he snorted, holding back his grin. “You want me to leave my space?” 

“What- no- shut up.” You stammered, shaking your head. “It’s fine, just-” 

“Not too close, got it.” 

You paused, stepping away from the bean bag chair. “This is heavy, can you help me?” 

Wonwoo let out a low rumble of a laugh and took his headset off to stand. You moved further away, letting him easily lift your gift from Jun, finally being put to use after a while. He waddled over to the lounge area and placed it in a spot beside the coffee table, pushing said table over to make more room. 

His eyes shifted to you, wordlessly inquiring if it was good enough.  With your nod, he returned to his previous spot at his desk and you moved to settle down with your food and blanket. You ate quietly, listening to each clack of him pressing keys on his keyboard in the tranquil space. 

“Do you want to play a game?” You asked, both of you knowing the meaning behind your outwardly innocent question. There was always a conversion to follow the flow of video game teamwork. You had questions and he would give you honest, non- I’ll kill them answers. 

Lifting your head to look back at him, there was hesitation in his eyes. 

“Are you sure?” 

Those words rested heavy in the air, a moment for you to take back your question if you wished to. There was no knowing where the conversation would devolve into or how you’d react, but you wanted some clarity before your therapy session the coming day. 

“Yeah I am.” 

He sat himself down as far as he could from you on the couch, watching you pull up some two player game and slide a controller across the coffee table to him. Neither of you jumped straight into questions, getting into the rhythm of the game before taking that step. The air around you felt heavy, thick enough to be cut through with a knife. 

“What did Seonghwa say about your condition?”

Wonwoo, thankfully, broke the silence first after that teamwork rhythm was in place, making you let out the breath you were unknowingly holding. 

“He said everything is healing alright but I need a stupid heart monitor until I see him next.” You hadn’t forgotten about the wires that rubbed uncomfortably on your skin, having to fight the urge to rip it off for hours at that point. 

“Everyone has been in a better mood since you came out of your room yesterday.” He chuckled through his nose. “I hope Jihoon’s ultimatum wasn’t too hard.” 

“Really it was the push I needed.” Truthfully you were grateful for the other man’s quick thinking, not…that you would tell him that yet. “I’m still a little iffy but everyone is being respectful which I appreciate.” 

A hum left him. “Do you know why you are feeling like that?” 

“Not exactly, there are some ideas in my head but…I’m planning to figure it out in the first therapy session tomorrow.” 

“Oh.” Out of the corner of your eye, you watched him nod, keeping his focus on the game. 

“And I either need to borrow a computer or come down here for a webcam tomorrow afternoon.” 

“I can set it up down here. Probably more privacy than upstairs.” He winced when his character fell off the edge of the map. “I could lock everyone but you and me from Pandora.” 

“That would be mean, Wonu.” 

“But effective for maximum privacy.” 

“You just like being an introvert that lives in his man cave. If Cheol let you, this would be your room, hermit.” 

Wonwoo rumbled with laughter, letting a pleasant silence settle over the space now that the awkwardness was broken. The quiet clicks from the controllers were familiar, preparing you for the questions bubbling in both your and his minds. 

The silence stretched for nearly an hour before Wonwoo seemed to have enough, pausing the game and setting his controller down. He said nothing at first, only leaning forward to place his elbows on his thighs and face in his hands. He took in a slow deep breath, his leg starting to bounce restlessly. 

“Mouse,” His somber tone had the hair on the back of your neck standing on edge. “I need you to be honest with me and we never have to bring it up again.” 

Don’t- 

“Just shake or nod your head and I’ll understand.” Wonwoo lifted his eyes, adjusting his glasses. His eyebrows were furrowed together tightly, pain behind his eyes. “Did Monsta X do this to you?” 

Hearing the name out loud for the first time since waking up made every muscle in your body tense. You felt the weight of the world pressing down on your chest, pushing all the air out. 

The warmth that once came from the blanket wrapped around you had long gone frigid. You flinched at the sensation of ice cold water drenching every inch of your skin. You heard something – or someone – but the sound was far off in the distance and…muffled, underwater. Something was- There was this loud beeping. 

You couldn’t move. You were back in that horrid metal chair in that damp, moldy room with Kihyun’s sick, sadistic smirk staring back at you. You knew what was going to happen next, that was the part that scared you the most. The anticipation of what was to come was harrowing. You didn’t want to relive the pain. You didn’t want to relive your worst nightmare play by play, knowing how it is always going to end. And you couldn’t stop it .

There wasn’t any fight left, you couldn’t even attempt to fight in this…state, whenever you were. Had you just woken up and everything before waking up in the ATZ wasn’t real? Were you still their prisoner? Was your mind making up lies to help you cope? 

Dread…

Powerless…

Vulnerable…

Ashamed…  

Ashamed you let them get to you so easily. Ashamed you didn’t realize earlier that Monsta X was your stalkers. Ashamed you couldn’t even hear their group name without having a flashback. 

Ashamed. Period…

Something was touching you, something placed on your head. You weren’t able to move away from it, trying to wipe Nightmare’s and Joker’s faces from your vision. 

The piercing sound of piano keys met your ears. It was played loudly, louder than the scenes flashing through your mind. Your vision started to blur. The sound was soft, a slow rhythm that had your heart beating slower in time with the notes. The slow raise of a violin joined along the piano, calm and quaint, a breath of air rushing into your lungs. A low beat of intermittent percussion fading in wasn’t too bold to remind you of the banging on the metal box, reminding you that you had escaped. The vibration of the cymbal brought some feeling back into your arms, electrifying the reminder you were alive . 

The room slowly transitioned from where you were held captive to the low lit space of Pandora. 

Taking in a shaky gasp of air, your entire body shuddered as you came back to reality. 

You felt the pressure of headphones on your head, the song repeating from the beginning. Wonwoo knelt on the floor in front of you, concern gracing his features. You reached up to wipe your face, met only with tears streaming down your cheeks. Your hands shook with panicked energy, feeling your heart slow to a somewhat normal rate. The other said something but the music was too loud and you felt like a bobble head at how dizzy you were. 

It took you a moment to remove the headset, letting the ringing in your ears play out as you refocused on Wonwoo. 

An apology flimsily spilled from your lips and Wonwoo looked…annoyed, but you didn’t think it was at you. 

“Why are you apologizing?” It was a rhetorical question. “ I’m sorry , do you need anything?” 

“Ju-” Your voice broke and you groaned. “Juice sounds amazing-” 

He was gone before you even finished the request, leaving the door to the basement open in his wake. 

You took a moment to bundle yourself back up into the blanket, breathing in through your nose and out through your mouth. Sniffling to calm your tears, you tried to make yourself small, curling up to seemingly protect yourself. 

“Here.” You didn’t hear him return, flinching some as he placed the small glass of juice down, happy to see the straw in it. “Anything else?” 

“I’m okay, thank you.” You shakily reached for the glass and took a long sip, shivering at how sweet it was. “Just give me a second.” 

Wonwoo sat on the floor in front of you, keeping a watchful eye on you for any issues. You were able to hear the song blasting through the headphone still, letting the ballad’s instrumental continue to ground you. 

“I’m sorry.” Wonwoo repeated, fists balled in his lap. “I didn’t mean-”

“Please don’t tell them yet-” You cut him off, downing the rest of the juice and setting the cup aside. “I don’t think I’ll be able to handle hearing everyone talk about them …nor do I think I’m ready to say it or admit everything yet, I can’t even say it…” 

Wonwoo studied you, his gaze flicking around your person, making you huddle in on yourself more. You heard him sigh and he stood, ruffling his hair in frustration. 

“Fine- Fuck, okay…” He didn’t sound pleased, but he stared down at you. “You promise, when you are ready, you will tell them, right?” 

Nodding, you pulled the blanket up to your chin. “Yeah.”

“Can you…promise you won’t tell them I knew first?” 

If you weren’t so mentally exhausted, you would laugh. “Yeah, promise.” 

“I am, however, going to put some eyes on them if I can.” He held your gaze. “Just so we are clear. No moves, just watching them.” 

“I understand.” You and him stared silently for a beat, only for you to point weakly at the still on TV. “I’m not going to be able to sleep anytime soon…can we continue playing?” 

Disbelief crossed his face but Wonwoo sighed, shaking his head. “Yeah, we can keep playing. I’ll need to sleep eventually though and set up the computer before that.” 

“Okay…I might just stay down here all night though.” You grabbed your controller, watching him take a seat. “Thank you, Wonwoo.” 

“Don’t thank me, I spiraled you into a PTSD episode-”

“No, you fucking idiot, not that. Thank you for getting me out of it, for one thing, and another for understanding.” 

“Oh…you’re welcome.” 

“Now help me kick this boss’s ass.”

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