#Coercion and peer pressure are very real things

[serenhob]

I do not understand a lot of right wings people's view that we should not be teaching children about queer people.

The main critique I've heard has been is it is 'inappropriate' and 'brings up discussions of sex'

Like no????

Children, from a very young age are shown straight relationships, in books, TV shows. We find it very acceptable (especially in more religious, traditional communities) to talk about future marriage, how to choose romantic partners and even about the importance of chastity (which so much more disturbing to be saying to *children*) . Gender roles are also taught to young children and we often selectively teach/expose children to different things based on perceived gender.

So why is it different when it comes to queer people?

Obviously, a lot of it is about the fact they want their children to share their bigoted beliefs and pure ignorance. Queer people are people and queer relationships are not purely about sex. Being gay doesn't immediately make you aromantic , I would say the vast majority of gay people pursue long term romantic relationships.

They are essentially playing into this narrative that queer people are sexually perverse, so much so that children would be tainted from hearing about them. This can be due to fearmongering or because they have fetishized queer people. You are the problem not the queer people. (The fetishization of Lesbians by straight men specifically is just very fueled by misogyny and gross)

Children know what romantic love is, it's practically shoved down their throats as soon as they exit the womb. So how hard is it to say 'There are different kinds of love: some girls like boys, some girls like girls, some boys like boys , some people like both and some people who don't want a romantic relationship at all and none of that is wrong etc'

And being genderqueer isn't that weird anymore and also why would children care? Being genderqueer is mostly an internal experience and they learn pronouns when they're like 5 so how hard is it to say that someone's pronouns are not dependant on their gender expression (through appearance) and it's better to ask so you know and you can be accommodating(the issue that society has, as a whole about accommodation is for another time but this is just a small part of this idea that' it's your fault you don't fit in so it's your problem and nobody has to change anything for you')

Also not hard to say 'some people don't align their gender with their perceived gender', you can easily chidify that so they understand.

We are not born immediately thinking that pink is for girls, blue is for boys and there is nothing outside or in-between, gender and gender expression is something that has been socially constructed over decades and has been systemically pushed for. Children don't think it's weird when women wear trousers so why would they have the inclination to think a man wearing a dress is wrong. It's something taught. 70 years ago kids probably would think it scandalous for woman to wear trousers but not now. I reiterate that its socially constructed.

Obviously, I don't think we should be teaching 5 year olds about asexual people because that hinges on an understanding of sex but when they learn what sex is then they should know its not weird if they're averse to it. But being queer of gender queer in other capacities is the same as teaching children about straight people.

All that said, I think this rise in queerphobia sucks and the people that spew it suck too.

Teaching about these things can help children who are queer not feel alien and alone. And for children who aren't it teaches acceptance and stops ignorance which breeds hatred and that in turn creates violence and oppression

[songmingisthighs]

MORE AND MORE PEOPLE ARE JOINING THE CAUSE THIS IS WONDERFUL. A VERY WARM WELCOME TO YOU ALL.

Also I'd like you to know the moment you said "why haven't you considered this possibility" about yeo being one of the culprits my suspicion was immediately UPPED but I'm suspicious of pretty much everyone except y/n and mingi (and joong yunho and jong are also pretty much fine) so it doesn't really make much of a difference to my list of suspects in the end

But also not sure if I think yeo is the culprit because why would he intentionally switch the bottles/contents and then nearly get himself killed??? He could be playing some 4d chess with that move if it is him but I somehow doubt a 12 year old would be quite that clever

AND YES GO MINGI STANDING UP FOR YOURSELF AND THAT WAS SUCH A CLEVER MOVE TO GET THE PHONE I APPLAUD YOU

Also woo being so concerned with his looks he immediately changes clothes for fear of being lame? LMFAO sounds about right 🤣 quick everyone point and laugh

Speaking of the brat, WOO DEFINITELY KNOWS ABOUT SOMEONE OR SOMETHING RELATED TO THE MURDER ATTEMPT AND WE WILL FIND OUT YOU VAIN CHILD YOU ARE NOT SAFE FROM US

And even yeo was starting to avoid woo before the accident? I'm still kinda sus on yeo but hmm it seems he may definitely have known something if he was being like that...

And y/n having a whole laundry list of tormentors, what did the poor girl do to deserve this that's so cruel :(

The culprit better be scared because we are coming and can't be stopped >:D

And finally, it's THEORY TIME!!!!!!!

I looked at some previous chapters to see if there were details we may have missed or forgotten.

I forget what exactly it was about (i think something school related), but in one conversation woo said "if yeo was here he'd back me up" and I couldn't help but wonder.......has some form of coercion possibly taken place? And perhaps someone (maybe yeo) put their foot down to stop it and this happened as a result 🤔

Either way, yeo deffo knows more than he's letting on or at least he DID know and has forgotten, curious to see what comes next

- mercenary anon 🫶

oh dude odln!yeo was a kid when he did it and he's DEFINITELY the type to be peer pressured into doing shit he shouldn't and honestly he was probably told that it would be fine bc the alcohol wouldn't be that much and he didn't expect to be in such a situation bc after that, he and woo were like BESTIES despite them having nothing in common

ODLN!MINGI PROBABLY HAD BEEN PLANNING TO SAY THAT FOR SO LONG HE JUST HAVEN'T HAD THE CHANCE LMAOOOO GOOD FOR HIM meanwhile odln!woo can still be an insecure loser and just like fucking shut up for 2 damn seconds

it's annoying that odln!woo is like THAT but he knows THAT MUCH i super duper hate it and like he can choke on his belt frfr bc like remember (y/n) is his FAMILY and not just family but his TWIN like dude ??? wtf is wrong with you ???? odln!woo and the other perpetrators better watch their 6 their days are numbered

let's be real, would odln!yeo, the spineless loser coward that he is, stood up to someone with THAT much narcissism ??? he'd wrestle a crocodile in a mudpit before he does that

how will things unfold tho ? 👀

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

TW - COCSA, SA, mention of parental figures with life threatening conditions and mental issues, mention of attempted kidnapping (1/3) Mostly a vent, but also looking for advice. Sorry this is long, but I'd honestly just feel better having someone read this. Tall order, I know, sorry in advanced. My case was textbook COCSA between young peers. We were six, and he would pressure me into oral on several occasions. I said no several times on several occasions but he would use guilt tripping, emotional manipulation. Threatened not to be my friend, threatened to tell on me and get me in trouble, which sounds like nothing but to me was everything. Told me its just what "girls and boys do" or would just keep asking until I did what he said. He would have his friend watch then tease me when I did it and would make me cry on at least one occasion, and he laughed. He got me to bite it and the feeling was horrible and I still feel it in my mouth. I remember being disgusted then, and still feel that same disgust now. Embarrassed too. This continued until I was 7 at varying frequencies. I understand his threats seem like nothing to an adult, but to a child they felt very real, like my world was ending. The threats of abandonment terrified me cos I only had one other friend, had ADHD thus rejection sensitivity, and I had experienced trauma surrounding fear of losing my loved ones already, my father having a life threatening condition at the time and my mother with mental issues where she would threaten suicide and leave the house after saying so for hours at a time amongst other scary things. He didn't know the latter two stuff but did know I was bullied a lot, he manipulated me, and coerced me. I never wanted to do that stuff. Not to mention, the behaviour was extremely developmentally abnormal as penetrative acts between children that age is not considered normal even if its just oral. I'd argue there was a power difference too since I was developmentally behind my peers in terms of cognation and social skills, and he had more knowledge on this stuff than me. He learnt it from porn, but I suspect an adult may have abused him too since he used very "adult groomer like" language when trying to convince me. I don't even blame him, he was more like a bully than an abuser. But I do blame the adults who hurt him and thus me indirectly, and the adults who knew what he was doing to me but did nothing.

Here's my conundrum though. I've looked at the Brooks traffic light tool. I'm in the red. I looked at the continuum of sexually harmful behaviours from Hackett (2010 model I believe), what I experienced is firmly in the "abusive" section. I used the Sensoa Flag System and aside from the ages being off with both children being 10 instead of both 6-7, there was a scenario described in the textbook that was EXACTLY my situation that was in the red, abusive behaviours section. And an added note that if the coercion occured on more than one occasion, it was actually BLACK FLAG behaviour. By all professional measures of this type of abuse, it's abuse. The therapists, psychologists, police, etc, that I've spoken to all told me its a form of sexual abuse/CSA. Yet I always feel that my abuse does not count or isn't as serious as the abuses of others. I feel guilt seeking help from rape charities or specialist counselling services specifically for CSA survivors even when the councillors from those services tell me I have a right to be there. I feel guilt calling myself a "CSA survivor". I feel the need to specify I experienced "COCSA" when I talk about it, but then I need to explain what COCSA is to those who don't know... and then usually I feel the need to explain the intricacies of COCSA and the specifics of my situation to validate to them that what happened to me, for all intents and purposes, was sexual abuse. And its exhausting when I am just trying to go into a space to vent with other SA survivors, that this was the worst thing I've experienced and needing to justify that. I have experienced SA as an adult but that barely effects me these days in comparison to the fucking carnage the COCSA caused me. Not to mention the other traumatic experiences I've had in childhood and adulthood, including emotional abuse and even attempted kidnapping. COCSA remains the worst thing I experienced in terms of its impact. I think of it daily. It's so hard to not be seen as "weak" or judged or seen as an attention seeker without having to explain the decades of studies I've read through just to justify my emotions to MYSELF. I use the tools the professionals use to justify to myself my emotions are valid. I just want to figure out how to stop thinking like this. It's frustrating. I just want to stop thinking about this topic as a whole preferably, but I'd at least like my brain to stop compelling me to read decades worth of scientific writings on the matter of COCSA and peer on peer sexual abuse so I don't waste hours of my day on a near daily basis. I also have an issue with the fact that the COCSA caused my reactions to the other forms of sexual violence like simple sexual harassment to really fuck me up. Stuff that others would probably barely count as harrassment. I cannot walk home alone at night at all. I have to call someone if I need to. That's partly due to the attempted kidnapping to be fair, and being followed home once as an adult, but also the harassment I've faced over the years of both childhood and adulthood. It feels constant to have some crusty dusty old guy perving on you. Not to mention that as an adult I realise lots of the "innocent" interactions I had around older men as a child were not as innocent and rather older men asking me for disgusting things like me dancing for them and shaking my butt in my swimsuit for them. And having even another child hurt you in that way? Idk. It makes me feel that no one is safe to be around. And worse, no child is safe from others. Not even other children. I am terrified of that concept. It makes me not want to have children because I am so terrified I might fail them in some way or they be hurt by someone else who they were supposed to be safe around.

Hi anon,

I'm so sorry about what you've been through and please know that not only are you not alone in experiencing COCSA and polyvictimization, but you're also not the only survivor to feel like what happened isn't serious or valid enough to get help or resources for your experiences, or to even label yourself as a survivor. This can be especially difficult if you've been gaslit or victim-blamed over what you went through.

Regarding how your COCSA still overshadows your SA in adulthood, it's important to recognize that your COCSA was at a formative age, which could partly explain why it's had a much more significant impact on your being. That being said, sometimes it's simply a mystery why our brains find one experience more traumatic than the other, even if it seems it should be the other way around. But it's important to honor your trauma as it is, and consider that trauma isn't defined by what happened, but rather by how we psychologically respond or process those events.

It's really hard to struggle with validating your own trauma. Something that has helped me personally was to imagine it vicariously. Like, imagine that someone else went through the exact same thing as you did. Would you tell them that they can't call themselves a survivor, or that what happened to them wasn't traumatic, abusive, or severe? Would you call them weak or an attention seeker? If you answer no, now consider that this person is you. It may not completely resolve things, but it may put it somewhat at ease.

I think that your experiences contextualize your general unease, fear, and distrust. But it can also be isolating and exhausting to navigate your life in a way that is dictated by these things. As a survivor you deserve to shine beyond your trauma-informed fears and live a life that is meaningful to you. If you can access or afford it, a mental health professional could help you process all of your traumas, including your feelings surrounding them, and work with you to reframe your thoughts and equip you with some healthy coping mechanisms that you can take with you along your healing journey.

I hope I could help and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[rachelthompsonauthor]

As a survivor, writer, and sexual abuse survivor activist, I participate in and observe real life and online daily conversations on the topic of sexual violence. Hmmm, the topic of sexual violence — like it’s just a topic, not crimes that affect people for the rest of our lives. That change the very structure of our cells, of our brains. Simply a topic of conversation.

Not a polite dinner conversation topic, of course. Yet, still a topic people bring up regularly, because you see, everyone is an expert (I call them the ‘Should Have Dones) on what a victim of a horrific sexual crime Should Have Done after she was brutally raped, sexually molested, abused, or harassed (unless you’re in the political arena and then it’s referred to as ‘sexual misconduct,’ that vague, gray area that cannot be defined, making it easy for politicians to talk in their circles and loopholes, as they are wont to do).

I refer to victims of sexual crimes (including myself) as survivors. Personal choice. We are, and have every right to refer to ourselves as, victims. Society loves to call us victims, in the negative sense of the word. That’s mistake number one so let’s start there.

Mistake #1: Victim Blaming Sexual Violence Survivors

‘Don’t be a victim,’ people spew at us. ‘Just get over it.’ ‘You just want the attention.’ Or my favorite (from a guy): ‘Why didn’t you just call 911? Seems easy enough.” (Well, I was only eleven at the time, and gosh well, 911 didn’t exist in 1975. Plus you know, the whole thing about how my abuser, the military dad next door, had a gun and had threatened to kill me and my baby sister if I told. So there’s that.)

Soooo easy.

One person on Twitter the other day said, ‘I’m not sure if I want to read your books. Are they an endless loop of hopeless reality, victim-mentality, woe-is-me? I prefer stories of go-getters!’

Funny thing is, I am a go-getter. I am ambitious. I’m pretty chill most days. I am also a victim of a serial child molester when I was eleven. Whether I ‘get over it,’ or talk about what happened and how I’ve dealt with it doesn’t change that he sexually abused me. I deal with that reality every day. It doesn’t define me — I don’t wear a label across my forehead, however, I don’t hide it anymore either. Shame no longer owns me.

If you look at the language people use, the focus is on the victim (I’m purposely using the word victim here so stay with me). Don’t be a victim. Get over it. Move on. As if we, the victims of crimes, have Done Something Wrong. As if discussing it means I’m still in victim-mode — which I’m not (because people do want to know); yet people assume that any victim of a sexual crime who discusses their harrowing real-life experience must be looking for attention because why else would we discuss something so private?

Here’s the bigger question: Why do you suppose people focus so much on the victim instead of the perpetrator? I’ve had years to observe this and here’s my completely non-scientific, non-random, non-controlled, non-trial, half-opinion, half-experience-based conclusion:

There’s more than one conclusion, depending on the person’s most treasured belief system. It’s uncomfortable. People don’t know what to say. They don’t want to get into the mind of an abuser, so to avoid that, they pick on the victim. They bully us. We’re accessible, easy targets. Defensive attacks are easier than compassion.

Victims are easy to blame because it’s harder and scarier to connect in any way with the mind of a criminal rapist or child molester — there might be something lurking there they don’t want to see — themselves.

There’s another school of thought (much more scientific):

“Our tendency to blame the victim is ultimately self-protective. It allows us to maintain our rosy worldview and reassure ourselves that nothing bad will happen to us. The problem is that it sacrifices another person’s well-being for our own. It overlooks the reality that perpetrators are to blame for acts of crime and violence, not victims.” (Source: Psychology Today)

I’d really love to see that paradigm shift. Instead of asking victims of sexual crime anything — because we the public are entitled to know nothing about the victim — let’s ask perpetrators why they perpetrate crimes against others. Is it anger? Is it hormonal? Is it societal? Is it mental? How can we fix this?

We know it’s not about sex. We know it’s about power and control. Examining power and patriarchal structures and how we break these down is a start. According to the latest studies, here’s what we do know about men who rape and sexually assault women:

Heavy drinking, perceived pressure to have sex,

a belief in “rape myths” — such as the idea that no means yes

A peer group that uses hostile language to describe women.

Men who are highly aroused by rape porn.

Narcissism magnifies odds that men will commit sexual assault and rape.

What about the idea that rape is about power over women? Some experts feel that research into hostile attitudes toward women supports this idea.

Rejection in high school and of looking on as “jocks and the football players got all the attractive women.”As these once-unpopular, often narcissistic men become more successful, [he] suspects that “getting back at these women, having power over them, seems to have become a source of arousal.” (Source: New York Times)

In the wake of the Kavanaugh confirmation hearings and the sexual assault revelation by Dr. Blasey Ford:

“This is what we will expect from the congressional committee:

She will likely be asked to detail every moment of the alleged attack. How much she had to drink. Why she went upstairs. What she was wearing.” (Source: Washington Post)

And she was. That’s exactly what happened.

People feel righteous and justified, as if her drinking or clothing gives Kavanaugh a pass for his (alleged) ‘misconduct.’

**Postscript: we all know the result of that entire situation.

How does what any woman/person wears or drinks justify someone else’s criminal behavior? It doesn’t. In any situation. It simply doesn’t.

Mistake #2: The Language We Use

As I mentioned above, in Western society we focus on the victim:

Mary is a battered woman.

Rachel is a CSA (childhood sexual abuse) survivor.

Joe was raped.

Where are the perpetrators (usually men) who did the abusing in these sentences?

(For the purpose of this discussion, I’ll use men as the perpetrator, though I acknowledge #NotAllMen are abusers so please, let’s not go down that road. It is a well-known and researched fact that men do the majority of abusing (please read the full linked report for more data*) — of women, children, and other men. My point here is not to bash men; simply provide an example. I’m not in any way condemning men exclusively and I acknowledge that women can be abusers too, so everyone breathe.)

*Sex of Perpetrator in Lifetime Reports of Sexual Violence:

Most perpetrators of all forms of sexual violence against women were male. For female rape victims, 98.1% reported only male perpetrators. Additionally, 92.5% of female victims of sexual violence other than rape reported only male perpetrators. For male victims, the sex of the perpetrator varied by the type of sexual violence experienced. The majority of male rape victims (93.3%) reported only male perpetrators. For three of the other forms of sexual violence, a majority of male victims reported only female perpetrators: being made to penetrate (79.2%), sexual coercion (83.6%), and unwanted sexual contact (53.1%). For non-contact unwanted sexual experiences, approximately half of male victims (49.0%) reported only male perpetrators and more than one-third (37.7%) reported only female perpetrators (data not shown).

**For an in-depth discussion on gender symmetry, look at the work of Sherry Hamby, Ph.D.

(“Violence against women, men, and children is a men’s issue, not a women’s issue” — it’s not even a gender issue, according to Jackson Katz. Watch his TEDTalk — an excellent summary of how gendered language is endemic in our society and how we view violence against women and others, perpetuated primarily by men.)

There’s also an assumption (never a good thing) that survivors, especially female survivors, are liars. We must somehow want attention. Women must have ulterior motives for reporting sexual crimes (which violate our civil rights).

Look at the language people use when describing the multitudes of women who accused Bill Cosby in a criminal trial — they must want money or fame — misunderstanding there’s no money or fame to be had, as many of them remained anonymous, he was only convicted for the crimes against one woman, and a criminal trial does not award money.

This is especially true if the victim was drinking or drugged (more on that below). As Jim Hopper mentions in his work, our brains are flooded with chemicals during any kind of intense, traumatic situation, in particular during a sexual assault:

This part of our brain is responsible for executive functions, including focusing attention where we choose, rational thought process and inhibiting impulses. You are using your prefrontal cortex to read this article and absorb what we’ve written, rather than getting distracted by other thoughts in your head or things going on around you. But in states of high stress, fear or terror like combat and sexual assault, the prefrontal cortex is impaired–sometimes even effectively shut down–by a surge of stress chemicals. (Source: Lisak & Hopper, TIME Ideas, 2014)

Mistake #3: Expecting/Demanding a Hero Story

Like the reader above who expected my book to be about a woman who pulls herself up by the bootstraps and conquers the world, we are conditioned, particularly here in the West, to expect and might I even say demand, a mythic hero’s journey. From sitcoms to TV movies to series to Marvel and DC Universe to epics to The Olympics every two years — we are spoonfed heroes journeys at every turn.

Look at Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter — classic if clichéd examples of The Hero’s Journey (with male protagonists and male best friend side-kicks…plus the the oh-so-important scrappy, brilliant yet with not enough screen time female secondary character, who was never completely fleshed out as well as the guys and oh, always became prettier as the series wore on. Think Hermione — whom I love, yet still.). We do love a flawed underdog who grows to a champion!, finds the strength within themselves despite difficult circumstances, defeats the bad guy (ta-da!), and ultimately gets the girl…and, of course, yes, and they lived happily ever after.

Survivors of sexual violence are my heroes. We get up and live each and every day despite living with some combo of anxiety, depression, flashbacks, dissociation, nightmares, insomnia, triggers, hypersensitivity, hypervigilance, migraines, any number of immune disorders, addiction, and all kinds of other shit we are at higher risk for solely because we were a victim of sexual violence at some point in our lives.

PTSD is common in anywhere from one-third to one-half of sexual abuse survivors six months after the attack(s). 94% experience symptoms within the first 24 hours.

If and when we choose to share our survivor experience, we don’t owe anyone a hero story.

Life is hard enough as it is. Navigating it as a survivor adds other layers ‘normals’ cannot possibly imagine. Your expectation that we must live our lives according to your heroic expectations is not our issue.

And if I (or other victims) are still in victim mode — so what? Some victims are so traumatized by the crimes against them, the effects are devastating:

some repeatedly attempt to kill themselves — and often succeed,

become addicted to drugs/alcohol (did you know 75% of addicts and 90% of alcoholics were sexually abused as children? Source: The Right Step),

develop mental health issues (personality disorders, OCD, anxiety, depression, body dysphoria,

have lifelong weight issues

are at higher risk of immune disorders

can retreat to another mental universe completely (e.g., DID or other personality disorders).

If struggling to get through each day is the best we can do — so what?? Who is anyone to judge us?

Mistake #4: The Perfect Victim Myth

People blame victims for not being perfect. If she wore that red dress, if she was drinking, if she didn’t fight back, if she met the guy and they had sex (how dare a woman want sex #gasp), if she was out late walking, if she was asleep in her own bed in a nightie or even naked in her own home! If, if, if.

When you first hear about a crime, it’s our natural curiosity to want to find out more. “What happened? Who was involved, what were the circumstances, is everyone okay?”

However, in a sexual violence situation, many people immediately ask, “What was she wearing? Was she drunk? Was she alone?” This is our go-to. Because it’s somehow her fault for being imperfect. She’s to blame for putting herself in the position to be victimized (and yes, I’m using this passive language on purpose).

Again, with the victim-blaming. Yet the perfect victim expectation goes far beyond that. We’ve all watched enough Hollywood tropes to have been brainwashed into thinking that victims should be thin, virginal, pretty, helpless creatures who are perfect in every way (good), OR they are vampy vixens dressed in leather whom we know have it coming because they ooze sex (bad).

In reality, women are not caricatures (surprise!) and are sexually violated at all stages of life and in all stages of clothing.

Cases have been dismissed entirely because the victim didn’t cry sufficiently or wasn’t hysterical enough (if you recall, PTSD used to be referred to as ‘shellshock’ for a reason). Our brains can react in a multitude of ways during and after sexual assault — see Jim Hopper’s comprehensive work to get the neuroscientific background in understandable terms. As Jim points out, investigators have to learn how to talk to victims differently based on the latest scientific studies on how the brain reacts to intense trauma.

Memory gaps are common — why? Because of the pre-frontal cortex impairment mentioned above. Details can be hazy and remain hazy. The best scientists in the world don’t know exactly why, yet lawyers, judges, and juries demand definitive proof a victim isn’t lying (and even with proof, rape kits are collecting dust. Again, whole other post).

No. Let’s discuss it. If there’s DNA present, the victim can undergo the process of having a rape kit done (commonly referred to as a SAK: Sexual Assault Kit). After being raped or sexually assaulted, a victim must again open themselves up to strangers to be intimately examined.

Then there’s this fact: Most kits are never tested unless there’s a criminal investigation. Go ahead, read that again.

Are all SAKs tested?

No. While there are a few cities and states that automatically test all sexual assault kits, in general, SAKs are not tested unless specifically requested by a law enforcement agency for a criminal investigation. There are a variety of reasons that a kit might not be tested including:

A decision by law enforcement due to a variety of reasons — such as not prioritizing sexual assault cases or a perceived lack of victim credibility or cooperation — not to further investigate the case.

A decision by law enforcement that the results of the kit would not be significant to the investigation. This occurs most often when the suspect does not deny physical contact but instead claims the contact was consensual.

Backlogged crime labs. Due to resource issues, some crime labs may take up to a year or longer to test a SAK.

Lack of funding for DNA analysis. Some law enforcement jurisdictions, including crime laboratories, are underfunded and may be unable to test every SAK. (Source: National Center for Victims of Crime)

Dissociation (aka, spacing out or acting differently) is common after an assault, sometimes for years — even decades (something I still experience now, forty-plus years after my abuse as a child).

I experienced dissociation each time my abuser molested me (not realizing that watching myself as he abused me was not abnormal). I dissociated frequently throughout high school and college — it was normal for me to watch myself from above. Now that I know what that feeling is (something I can do on command), I’m much more aware. Sometimes, though, it happens and I don’t realize it at all. My family knows, though. My guy says he can see me ‘going under.’

You may also find this PTSD visual helpful (Souce: Daily Cardinal) and read more on PTSD here.

As for whether a woman decides to drink, do drugs, wear whatever she wants, meet a guy for sex — she is allowed to do all those things and still does not deserve to be raped. No man deserves to be raped. No child deserves it. No LGBTQ-identifying person. No human.

A person is raped because someone raped them.

By accusing a survivor who is brave enough to come forward for not fitting into the perfect victim myth you’ve come to expect, or accusing them of lying, it’s as if we are all having the wrong argument. What we have here is a faulty car engine (the brain, which in truth isn’t faulty at all), yet you’re accusing, discrediting, and blaming the driver.

When in actuality, the one causing the entire mess is the guy who ran the car off the road.

Allegedly.

Mistake #5: Sexual Violence is Political

Social media is rife with conspiracy theories about the Ford/Kavanaugh situation — which I won’t dignify by going into here on this post. The #MeToo movement, which has brought forward incredible, heartbreaking, brave voices sharing horrific stories of sexual violence, is now being attacked as men vs. women, as right-wing vs those ‘heathen, liberal left’ (never mind the number of priests, GOP’ers identified as child molesters and rapists, Fox News?). Some of the people involved in spreading and believing these stories are tin-foil hat ridiculous.

Geez. See how easy even I lowered myself into the mud? It’s an ugly look, isn’t it? Mud-slinging makes dirty people. Dirty people spread more dirt.

Add to that the conspiracy theorists, fake news, fake accounts, Russian whatevers, bots, and fundamentalists on all sides…we might as well be rolling with the pigs…or is it dogs or fleas? Besides, shouldn’t you be writing instead of arguing politics on social media?)

Which is why I refuse to discuss politics and sexual violence together in the same tweet or post.* I won’t argue with anyone about sexual violence and politics. They are completely separate because my focus is and always will be on the survivor. And if you work with The Joyful Heart Foundation as I do or RAINN (also wonderful), you’ll see they are not political, either (except to help get funding for rape kit testing or more services for survivors).

Advocating is about helping others. Politicizing sexual violence negatively, to further some politician’s career, doesn’t help anyone.

(*If there’s a bill, contributions needed, or volunteering to help or fund services for survivors — then I’m all in to help out survivors).

Making what a survivor goes through, after any kind of assault, fit into some political party ideology is ludicrous to me.

Compassion and kindness are my ideology.

Mistake #6: Assuming All Victims of Sexual Violence Are Liars

One more, on the house.

As I already mentioned above, the other part of politicizing sexual violence is the assumption that all sexual violence survivors are liars (ONLY if the survivor is hurting your candidate). Why do you suppose this is? Because diehard party-line believers and supporters cannot afford to question their own familiar belief system (this topic brings in fallacies, which you can read more about here). Whole other post.

“Why didn’t she report? She had plenty of time!” Such an easy question to ask. So simple. As easy as asking a domestic violence survivor why she didn’t just leave, right? Surely, violent, criminal situations can be explained away with a tweet. I hope this sounds as ridiculous to you as it does to me, yet that’s what people demand from survivors, particularly women.

I’ve shared above how parts of the brain shut off during trauma. If the victim chooses to come forward immediately, investigators must be trained to question survivors appropriately, keeping this in mind. The victim may not answer in a way politicians or the public would ‘expect’ a perfect victim to answer — yet the knowledge of how the brain responds to trauma is not widely known or understood.

The general public is a different story altogether. Zero comprehension of the brain on trauma. Therefore, we see these brutal social media attacks ensue due to unsatisfactory answers to questions the public has no right to ask.

Shame is another reason. It can take decades for a survivor to speak publicly about their sexual trauma (if they ever do at all). It took me three and a half decades to write Broken Pieces and then Broken Places (Broken People will be available soon-ish).

Fear of retaliation (and considering 90% of sexual violence is perpetrated by someone we know, this is an incredibly valid fear). More specifics from RAINN:

Of the sexual violence crimes not reported to police from 2005–2010, the victim gave the following reasons for not reporting:

20% feared retaliation

13% believed the police would not do anything to help

13% believed it was a personal matter

8% reported to a different official

8% believed it was not important enough to report

7% did not want to get the perpetrator in trouble

2% believed the police could not do anything to help

30% gave another reason or did not cite one reason

Read more statistics about perpetrators of sexual violence.

I won’t go into the details of my own sexual abuse here, but I will share this: as someone who did report (eventually) and testified in two trials at the age of twelve (civil and military), I can tell you it was one of the most terrifying, humiliating, and shameful experiences I’ve ever had, facing the man who abused me, having to explain what he did to me while others scrutinized every excruciating, embarrassing detail for further questioning and cross-examination.

Sure, I was young. Younger than both my kids are now. Too young to know the words I was about to speak.

For the record, he got eighteen months.

  Do you need help right now? Contact RAINN 800.656.HOPE (4673). Here are 67 resources for sexual assault survivors via Greatist.

  This post originally appeared on Medium.

  Read more about Rachel’s experiences in the award-winning book, Broken Pieces.

She goes into more detail about living with PTSD and realizing the effects of how being a survivor affected her life in

Broken Places, available now on Amazon.

  The post 5 Mistakes People Make When Discussing Sexual Violence appeared first on Rachel Thompson.

via Rachel Thompson

[gygax-blog]

Callout post: Kenneth David Beasley or “Kenichi Toriyama”

Tumblr user morelikeodindank (Previous URLs: gygax, magitekskald) https://www.linkedin.com/in/ken-beasley-08437a4b/ Holds administrative positions within Nexus Gaming Alliance and A&G Con [Admin Note: This was typed mostly up by another party involved. Here and there, I will add my side of things, as some of his lies were specially crafted to suit one person or small group of people. All of my comments will be formatted like this one.]

If you take nothing else away from this, please remember the following: WHEN DEALING PROFESSIONALLY WITH KENNETH DAVID BEASLEY, GET EVERYTHING IN WRITING, SIGNED AND NOTARIZED BEFORE DOING ANYTHING ELSE. He will not pay his debts, and his word is essentially worthless.

Ken lived with my wife and I for a little over a year. He did not pay his share of the bills at all for the first 7 months, and for the following 7 months he underpaid. When he moved out, he skipped out on the last months’ rent entirely. On several occasions he offered us payment in exchange for transport several hours away - a payment that was never received. Between rent he didn’t pay, money borrowed, furniture he took with him when he moved, and a small collection of miscellaneous debts, he owed us well over $16,000.00 when he left.

When he moved in, we had a verbal contract that he would pay these things. During the process of accruing these debts, he made frequent promises to pay these things. When he left, he made a point to ask my wife to total his debts so he could continue to pay them off slowly.

The above is one of the last conversations between us - my wife was UNDERSTANDABLY nervous that once Ken got into his new apartment, he would immediately blow us off. (Sidenote, I really ought to listen to my wife more often.) Ken did not, in fact, pay us the $900.00 mentioned in this message - his portion of rent and utilities for the month of September - nor sign any paperwork pertaining to his debts to us.

I’ve waited over a year to write this post, and I’m still a little reluctant to do it. I want to make it very clear that my intent in writing this is not vengeance, I’m not doing this to publicly shame him or get some sort of revenge for the shit he’s put me through. This is purely so that other people who may be dealing with him in the future can have a certain measure of warning about the kind of person they’re dealing with and what they can expect. I’m writing the post that I needed to have read when I met him - the stuff I wish I had known. For brevity, I’m putting the rest of it under a cut:

First and foremost, Ken is a chronic liar. Who he is, what he has done, who he knows and where he has lived all vary each time he tells a story about his past. I’m going to document what he has told me and what I have found out. SOME OF THIS IS BOUND TO BE TRUE - a broken clock is still correct twice a day, and I am certain at least some of the ‘facts’ about himself he has told me are true - but none of it adds up to a whole picture.

False past - Where he went to highschool and where he grew up seem to change with the breeze. He has told me he went to highschool at no less than six different highschools, both in the US and in Japan. I’m going to relate some stories he has told us that seem to have passable internal consistency, but contradict each other.

Story: He grew up in Japan, at the center of a cult. He was told he was some sort of angel of the apocalypse, and a large group of people worshipped him, and he claims he’s still dealing with the emotional ramifications of this. He claims his uncle is Akira Toriyama, and speaks often about his frustration with his uncle only wanting to talk about his work - claims he is sick of DBZ because “Goku stole his childhood”. Apparently his father, a Japanese man, committed suicide, and he feels guilt about this.

Story: He grew up in the “Ghetto”, somewhere either in Ohio or in California, depending on the telling. He grew up with a black stepfather in a black community. His mother worked long hours and had a revolving set of boyfriends who were in and out (one of whom he claims sexually abused him as a child), and Ken claims he was the primary caregiver of his three younger sisters from age eight onward. He also claims he had a large “wolfpack” of very loyal friends who would kill for him, and claims he had a lot of legal trouble as a kid/young adult because he acted as a vigilante for his community. Academically gifted, went to many special-format educational facilities. Claims to have moved around a lot, but also claims to have many loyal/local friends who go back years and years.

Story: His mother was 14 when she had him, and was in such dire straights financially that she decided to volunteer for government experimentation on her unborn child for the money. Ken was genetically modified in-utero with animal DNA, which caused a lot of the medical issues he claims to experience - (more on that later.) Was diagnosed with ALS and/or testicular cancer as a child, survived the cancer. Experienced a traumatic brain injury as an adult, has retrograde amnesia. Was trained as a military operative with a large group of other children who were experimented on - claims to be one of the only survivors from this project.

[Admin Note: His step father is a black man, but I find it interesting that he is only ever brought up when Ken is using him as an excuse to spout of racial slurs. His mother is a very kind woman, but when you ask her about the things that Ken has told you, she gets confused because, according to Ken, she has an illness that is taking her memory away from her. As someone who has serious issues with memory, she seemed fine.]

False identities - Ken will frequently “Sock-Puppet” and make fake accounts on social media. Each account will have a purpose, something he gets from it, and will only show activity while he himself is online. They also show a theme of sexually praising Ken. I don’t want to link to the accounts in question in case one or two of them are actually real people, but here are some of the personas we’re fairly sure he’s taken on:

FB account - a close personal friend of his who has no activity on his feed beyond occasionally commenting on Ken’s posts or events. Longtime old friend of Ken, desperately wants to fuck him. Messages my wife, most conversations revolve around praising Ken’s attractiveness or sexual prowess, or attempting to peer-pressure or wingman my wife into having sex with him.

Multiple Gmail accounts - Big-name celebrities. Ken claims to have multiple big name celebrity friends from his convention connections. He’ll claim he’s been telling them about how cool you are and they want to say hi to you. Most conversations these accounts want to hold revolve around Ken - whether it’s talking about how he’s a good person, praising you for the positive things you do for him, or just these accounts talking about how much they really, really love Ken and are glad good things are happening for him. Sometimes these accounts will ask for nudes. All personal information is easily google-able.

Tumblr account - (now deactivated,) Abusive ex girlfriend. Ken claims to have an exceptionally abusive ex girlfriend, who sprang into existence shortly after my wife opened up about her own personal abuse experience. This account existed solely to send inflammatory, triggering messages to Ken, lazer-focused on whatever he was feeling insecure about. This account also attacked my wife, and told her that all of the “great sex” she’s having with Ken is because she taught him how to be good at sex first.

[Admin Note: I was told that she had committed suicide. She got better, though! (According to Ken, it was all due to some he-said-she-said.)]

Created a fake gmail account for an established costume designer, offered a cheap ‘friends’ discount for a costume I wanted very badly - CONVENIENTLY, this person’s actual work paypal wasn’t functioning and he had me send the money to an ‘alternate’ paypal account - I have a feeling I just funneled $300 to some shitty friend of his. Never received the costume.

[Admin Note: There were a few times during the time I knew him that he would have money. Which was strange because he didn’t have a paying job at the time and/or his money was supposed to be going towards bills. This type of scheming would explain where he was getting cash.]

Sexual coercion

Ken identifies as asexual - HOWEVER, he also claims that he has some sort of spiritual need for sex. He legitimately claims that he actually HAS to have sex a certain amount or he will get very sick. He uses his claimed spiritual need for sex along with the multiple sock puppet accounts to pressure people into having sex with him.

I don’t PARTICULARLY want to go into details, but he has also “invited himself in” to sex before. You know how some people just… invite themselves along to parties? He does that with sex.

Race - I want to preface this bit by saying I AM WHITE, and recognize that there is a certain amount of overstepping my bounds by bringing some of this up. HOWEVER, this is important information.

Ken doesn’t believe cultural appropriation exists at all, and actively encourages those around him to appropriate cultures they don’t have rights to.

For all intents and purposes, Ken passes as white, and has never once relayed an experience where he personally experienced racism or even frustration at erasure of his heritage.

Ken claims to be biracial - half japanese on his late father’s side, but sometimes it’s his mother’s side, depending on the day - and claims he is bilingual, frequently obviously faking ‘forgetting’ English and ‘slipping into’ Japanese. My wife, who actually has a passable understanding of Japanese, says his Japanese is BAD - poor accent, he can’t speak it and can’t understand or respond appropriately.

Ken claims to have been ‘spiritually adopted’ by ‘the native americans’ - to my knowledge he never claimed a specific tribe. He says he was given a ‘native name’ or something akin to it, “Stormtalker” or “stormbringer” or something along those lines. He uses this as grounds to speak out AGAINST the concept of cultural appropriation of native spirituality and culture.

Ken claims he was raised in a black neighborhood, and on occasion claims he has some african-american relative. He uses this as an excuse to use the N word in everyday speech, and frequently hands out “permission” to nonblack friends to use the N word as well.

Gender Identity + sexuality - Preface to this, I AM TRANSGENDER. I do not make these claims lightly.

Ken publicly identifies as Agender. He’s AMAB, uses he/him pronouns, and has no desire nor plans to physically transition in any way. He does not wear any clothing that does not strictly align to cis-masculine standards. THIS IS A PERFECTLY FINE WAY TO IDENTIFY, however, in confidence among other Nonbinary/Trans identified individuals, he readily professes that he only IDs as Agender as a way to get around his male privilege - both to relieve himself of the feelings of guilt that his male privilege gives him, and as a ‘gotcha’ to SJWs who may try to call him out on this. He is viscerally upset any time male privilege is brought up in any fashion, and needs frequent placation that we’re not talking about him specifically whenever anyone around him discusses dissatisfaction with privileged men. He also frequently expects his fellow trans people to agree with him or feel the same about their gender identities - IE he wants reassurances that we too are ID-ing as Trans/Nonbinary entirely to shirk social responsibility for what cis binary people do as a group.

Ken identifies as asexual in a way that seems focused on convincing those around him that he does not particularly care for or want sex, however he claims he has a very specific spiritual need for sex, and frequently coerces people into sex with him using this and other methods listed above. He also brags often about his sexual prowess and sexual history - claiming to have sexually satisfied numerous big name celebrities.

He claims to be a victim of rape or CSA, but only ever seems to bring this up as a method of redirecting attention back to himself when someone ELSE is speaking about their own sexual assault history. Myself and my wife - both of us sexual assault survivors - find the way he speaks about his supposed assault to be HIGHLY SUSPECT, as he is particularly insensitive to others’ traumas, and participates in sexual coercion and rape culture.

Education/Military history

Ken claims to have received military training, but have been pulled from service shortly before being deployed. He claims to be eligible for VA benefits and other veteran specific programs, and also claims that most of his medical record is “classified”, (see below.)

Claims to have spent some nebulous unspecified portion of his childhood in an active military zone, complete with comically faked “PTSD trigger responses” to airplanes flying overhead. This was clearly a performance, and his trigger was forgotten and never brought up again after that, despite living relatively near an airport.

Claims he was trained in military “enhanced interrogation” techniques, and then proceeds to spout a bunch of hollywood BS about torture techniques to show off what he knows. He’s grumpy with the Obama administration for ‘making his job illegal’.

Claims to have a sizeable academic record, be academically gifted, possibly have entered grad school, and this would be unremarkable except that it conflicts with so many of his spur of the moment “I’ve been everywhere/done everything cool!” stories he likes to tell.

Medical records / Disability - I do not make these accusations lightly. I am significantly disabled myself, and accusations of faking disability USUALLY do nothing good - however these specific instances come with manipulations - shit he will try to convince you to do to accommodate him that are excessive and unnecessary. Most of them are demonstrably false as well.

Claims to have ALS despite showing zero symptoms, and in fact does not seem particularly versed on what the symptoms even ARE - claims he was diagnosed via genetic testing about ten years before science identified what genes are associated with ALS - uses his ALS ‘diagnosis’ to get out of most physical labor and chores. Claims his ALS is what makes him ‘bad at videogames’ now, as he was once supposedly a ranked pro-gamer. However, I’ve gamed with him - his reflexes aren’t the problem, he simply makes poor decisions.

Claims to be colorblind - never consistent on which kind of colorblindness he experiences, perfectly capable of playing video games that rely on color identification for a gameplay mechanic.

Claims to have an unspecified ‘skin disease’ that conveniently makes him smell of urine - says he ‘sweats blood’, explains patchy skin color as vitiligo. In truth, he simply does not bathe frequently and does not use soap when he bathes. (He also does not wash his clothes, and substitutes air-effects febreze for both baths and clean clothes.)

PTSD - with inconsistent and easily forgotten triggers, most of which seemed to revolve around an aversion to being held responsible for his own actions. Only seemed comfortable discussing his traumas in an effort to belittle any traumas you’ve experienced - plays ‘trauma olympics’ - anything you’ve experienced he’s suddenly experienced something ten times worse. It really feels more like a ploy to request emotional support and not feel required to give emotional support in return, since he’s had it worse and you aren’t allowed to be the center stage because of it.

Extensive, inconsistent allergies - he’s allergic to the food he doesn’t want to eat, (never mind if said allergen is present in something he DOES want to eat later,) he’s allergic to ‘cut grass’ during mowing season, he’s allergic to quartz, silver, (uncooked) ketchup, mayonnaise, mustard but NOT bbq sauce, and whatever else is convenient for him to be allergic to. These allergies only ever exist when he is trying to avoid something he independently does not want, and never impede him otherwise.

Claims to be a cancer survivor and have a testicular implant, only having one biological testicle - claims he is infertile to avoid most forms of birth control. Claims he has a testicular implant that is simultaneously blue, glittery, and glow in the dark - claims the doctors let him pick out his cool-looking testicle from a box before the surgery, has no scar and never speaks about the treatments for his supposed cancer nor the medical bill.

Unnamed ‘blood disease’ that causes all of the blood in his body to die. Needs to vanish for a day or so every three months to get all of the blood drained from his body and replaced with fresh blood, because it’s all coagulating in his veins. Never even seems to have needle marks afterwards.

Claims to qualify for social security disability money - somewhere around $140,000 of “back-pay” money, that’ll come in any day now he swears. Uses this to avoid getting a job or paying his part of the bills - makes promises to use the money to buy your house for you or pay off car/medical bills. This magical payday is of course eternally delayed, but he swears it is coming soon, and that getting a job might negatively impact what he stands to receive.

Fake Deaths

Ken is perpetually and dramatically in mourning for someone or another, and uses it to demand emotional support and attention at all times. Every national tragedy that strikes - he knew someone involved, who just conveniently doesn’t show up on the victim’s list. (Claimed a good friend of his was a victim of the Pulse shooting, for example.) Some random old woman dies in New Orleans and he claims she practically raised him, despite never having mentioned living in New Orleans prior. Some minor celebrity dies and he idolized them and is personally devastated by their loss. Sometimes it’s a random army buddy. If someone isn’t freshly dead, he claims it’s the anniversary of someone dying.

He’s very dramatic and disrespectful about this - Ken claims his very presence brings terrible things into people’s lives, and demands constant reassurance otherwise.

Secretive binge eating

Normally, I wouldn’t air out someone’s personal demons like this, but if you happen to have an eating disorder yourself and you intend to live with him for any period of time, this is VITAL INFORMATION. Ken binge-eats a truly remarkable amount of food. Alone, he accounts for about a $700 a month food bill. If it’s not hidden or locked away, he will mass consume everything in the house - and he will lie to your face about it, blame other roommates, start fights, and when he is caught he will dramatically offer to let you destroy his things in vengeance - which is SUPER INSULTING because I am not a violent person at all? I have a feeling the over the top reaction to being caught was a way to divert attention away from what he did wrong and instead gain positive attention as we try to reassure him we’re not going to hurt him for overeating.

Theft - Ken has stolen or “borrowed without permission” the following:

My wife’s Nintendo DS - found in his room, he was never given permission to use it.

A folio book of my entire DS/3DS game collection - missing and never recovered

My nintendo 3ds

My laptop - ‘borrowed’ it without waiting for me to clear the data, did not return it when he moved out, refused to pay for it.

Fallout 4 strategy guide

Ken had a seemingly endless supply of Gamestop store credit, and we highly suspect he was getting it by pawning off some of our old/less played games.

Gaslighting

My wife and I both have some minor memory issues pertaining to our collective trauma history. Mentioning this around Ken was a mistake - he used this knowledge to gaslight us at every turn. He would lie to each of us individually about what the other one was saying or doing, causing numerous petty arguments over things that were ultimately found out to be his doing. He would blame the missing food or missing video games on us, and would frequently bring up our terrible memories as to why things that were happening didn’t make sense. Since he has left our lives, the world now seems to operate with standard logical physics. Things stay where we left them.

Animal abuse and neglect

While living with us, Ken was responsible for multiple animal husbandry chores - feeding, cleaning litter boxes, etc. Not once in our care did he actually do these chores - this involved starving our elderly cat, layering fresh litter over an already filthy catbox and claiming it was clean, failing to provide water for animals on his side of the house, and feeding/handling our reptiles without permission.

One of his friends who I believe he is now living with also seriously harassed our animals when he visited, going so far as to make concerning comments about the animal’s consent to be held not mattering to him. Ken seemed to take no issue to this and actively defended him.

Privacy - Ken did not and does not have respect for my or my wife’s privacy

On multiple occasions Ken brought uninvited and unannounced guests into the house without telling us anyone new was here. This involved multiple friends getting a view of myself or my wife without clothes.

I saw Ken’s dick so many times. He did not wear boxers that covered himself and I saw things I did not wish to see.

Frequently disclosed personal business of ours to coworkers even when we had EXPLICITLY asked him not to do so - also modified this information to make himself appear good.

Petty thing - bad gift giver

This is the pettiest fucking shit, and the single place where I will deviate from my express goal of this post, but considering literally everything I have listed above, I believe I am allowed one (1) petty stupid thing. He’s a shitty gift giver. He signs his name on the card of gifts other people give, (claims it’s from him AND the actual gift giver, b/c he ‘helped with the idea’), and never once actually bought a gift for either myself nor my wife - despite the fact that we went above and beyond to get him gifts while he was with us, and despite the fact that he DID have income. When he does give gifts, they’re regifted throwaway chachkies with some fake-deep meaning behind them. He’ll give you a used notebook or some thriftstore ‘home sweet home’ thing and make up a story about it. Once he went to a con and generously brought me all the free paperwork he got from the sony and nintendo booths. He gives gifts more to receive praise than to actually do a nice thing for you, and I think that’s telling about a person.

[Admin Note: This is most definitely one of his former urls. I snagged it a while back while I was feeling petty and it seemed the most appropriate to use for this purpose. None of this has anything to do with Gygax, Gary or others.]

[bigyack-com]

Japan Takes Aim at Carlos Ghosn’s Wife

Good morning. (Want this by email? Sign up here.)

Japan issues arrest warrant for Carole Ghosn

The Japanese authorities said this morning that they were seeking to detain Carlos Ghosn’s wife, Carole, accusing her of providing false testimony about her husband’s legal case, according to Makiko Inoue and Eimi Yamamitsu of the NYT.“They said Mrs. Ghosn testified in April that she did not know a person who was involved in Mr. Ghosn’s case, even though she was in communication with that person while the person was wiring money between companies at Mr. Ghosn’s request,” the NYT reports.It’s meant to ramp up pressure to bring Mr. Ghosn back to the country to face criminal charges, the NYT adds.But the chances of getting Mrs. Ghosn are slim. She’s believed to be in Beirut with her husband, and it’s not clear that the Lebanese authorities will cooperate with a Japanese request to extradite him.

Facebook bans ‘deepfakes,’ but not all fake videos

The social network said yesterday that it planned to ban “deepfakes” that use A.I. to manipulate video. But there are plenty of exceptions, which may let videos like a controversial one involving House Speaker Nancy Pelosi stand.Facebook announced that it would delete misleading videos if they were the product of A.I. that “merges, replaces or superimposes content onto a video, making it appear to be authentic.” Clips edited to make the speakers say words that they hadn’t said, in ways that aren’t obvious to the viewer, could also be taken down.The company won’t ban videos “manipulated for the point of parody or satire,” the WaPo notes. Other forms of manipulation wouldn’t be outlawed either, though “they could be fact-checked and limited in their spread on the social networking site.”That may include a video of Ms. Pelosi last year that was edited to make her sound drunk, which was done using simple editing techniques, the WaPo adds.Critics say the policy is too narrow. Expect Facebook’s vice president of global policy management, Monika Bickert, to face tough questions on the issue when she testifies before Congress tomorrow.

U.S. consumers are paying for Trump’s trade war

President Trump repeatedly, and incorrectly, asserts that China is bearing the cost of his trade battle with Beijing. A new research paper says that claim isn’t true, Jeanna Smialek and Ana Swanson of the NYT report.“U.S. tariffs continue to be almost entirely borne by U.S. firms and consumers,” according to the working paper by Mary Amiti of the New York Fed, David Weinstein of Columbia University and Stephen Redding of Princeton.They studied the value of imports from before and after the imposition of tariffs — and found little impact on China. “We’re just not seeing foreigners bearing the cost, which to me is very surprising,” Professor Weinstein told the NYT.It’s the latest piece of academic research to show that Mr. Trump’s trade fight has come at a steep price to American consumers and companies, even if it’s forcing China to revise its trade relationship with the U.S. Tariffs on $360 billion worth of Chinese goods, some of which are as high as 25 percent, remain in place, even though the U.S. and China are moving to sign an initial trade deal this month.More: The wine industry is worried about the Trump administration’s threat to impose 100 percent tariffs on wine imported from Europe. And The New Yorker takes a deep dive into the current state of the U.S.-China relationship.

Blackstone peers into its crystal ball for 2020

The investment giant’s top investment strategists, Byron Wien and Joe Zidle, have taken their latest shot at predicting what’s in store this year. (They wrote that Mr. Wien’s forecasts for last year got many things right.) Here are some of their “surprises” — events that investors think have a roughly 33 percent chance of happening — for 2020.• The Fed lowers its main funds rate to 1 percent from 1.75 percent. (The central bank signaled last month that it was in no hurry to continue cutting rates.)• The S&P 500 surges above 3,500, though there will be several market corrections of more than 5 percent.• Democrats win back the Senate in November. (Most political analysts think it’s possible but not likely.)• Britain turns out to be a winner from Brexit, with its stock market and the pound rising.• Boeing’s 737 Max returns to the skies and “becomes a fixture around the world.”

Harvey Weinstein faces new charges in Los Angeles

Prosecutors in Los Angeles filed four criminal counts against the Hollywood producer yesterday, just as his long-awaited trial in Manhattan began, Jan Ransom and Jose Del Real of the NYT report. It’s a sign of the long legal battles ahead.The L.A. district attorney charged Mr. Weinstein with one felony count each of rape, forcible oral copulation, sexual penetration by use of force and sexual battery by restraint. He faces up to 28 years in prison.There’s some overlap in the New York and California charges, with one of the victims in the Los Angeles case expected to be called as a witness in the Manhattan proceedings.The new counts complicate Mr. Weinstein’s defense in the New York case just as jury selection is about to begin. “It’s all over the news,” Mark Bederow, a defense lawyer who is not representing Mr. Weinstein, told the NYT. “How are jurors supposed to ignore it?”Protesters gathered outside the Manhattan courthouse yesterday, carrying signs with slogans like “justice for survivors” and “coercion is not consent.” The actress Rose McGowan, who has accused Mr. Weinstein of assault, addressed the producer at a news conference yesterday, saying, “You brought this on yourself by hurting so many.”

Inside economists’ fight against bias and harassment

At a major economics conference this weekend, attendees celebrated their field’s progress in combating racial and gender discrimination. But many think there’s more work to be done, Ben Casselman, Jim Tankersley and Jeanna Smialek of the NYT write.• At the conference, a woman held “office hours” to help victims of sexual harassment and abuse, and there were panels on racism and sexism in the profession.• But leaders told the NYT that they needed “years of sustained effort to begin to erode the structural barriers” that remain in the field. Their latest step: finalizing procedures for investigating and punishing violations of the economics association’s code of conduct.• Next up is considering moves like grading university economics departments on diversity.• “Embracing diversity means opening up to the kinds of new questions and new ways of seeing the world that will eventually improve economic science,” Cecilia Conrad, an economist at the MacArthur Foundation, told the NYT.

The speed read

Deals• Boeing is said to be considering borrowing money to ease the financial strain of the 737 Max plane’s grounding. (WSJ)• SoftBank’s Vision Fund has reportedly walked away from several deals to invest in start-ups, irking entrepreneurs. (Axios)• Borden Dairy filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection, the second big dairy producer to do so in the last two months. (NYT)• Xerox has lined up $24 billion in financing for its $33 billion hostile takeover bid for HP. (WSJ)Politics and policy• The Environmental Protection Agency moved to tighten truck emissions standards, in part to head off even tougher rules from states. (NYT)• State and local governments’ offers of targeted tax breaks to attract and keep businesses don’t live up to their promised economic benefits, a new study finds. (WSJ)• Could taxes on vaping nudge people toward cigarette smoking instead? (Upshot)Tech• Tech giants are urging the E.U. not to hold them legally liable for content on their platforms, but signaled that they need more regulatory oversight. (FT)• The tech industry is betting on quantum computing to create new supercomputers. But many quantum machines are still slower than traditional computers. (WSJ)• California has sued the billionaire venture capitalist Vinod Khosla over his efforts to close off public access to a beach near his home. (Business Insider)Best of the rest• The furniture seller Pier 1 Imports announced plans to close nearly half of its stores. (NYT)• How 7-Eleven is punishing a Japanese franchisee after he closed his store for one day. (NYT)• Impossible Foods, the maker of plant-based burgers, has something new: a vegan “pork sausage.” (WaPo)Thanks for reading! We’ll see you tomorrow.We’d love your feedback. Please email thoughts and suggestions to business@nytimes.com. Read the full article

[insidethesewallz-blog]

I Live a Life

I live a life.... that many can never really understand or relate too. My world and your world is two completely different worlds. Case in point: Let's just say that you are in the line at the theater on a normal Friday night. You see a couple of old friends that you want to say "Hi" to. So, you decide to skip the line and go up to their spot to kick it with them. Now, it could cause a brief argument, it may cause an altercation, but most likely it won't warrant any reaction at all. Now if I cut the line in the chow hall cause I want to halla at on of my homies, the exact same situation and it could cause a stabbing or a beat down at the very least. You live a life where if you borrow $5.00 from your homegirl Keisha, to get a loaf of bread and milk, cause you're living check to check it's no big deal if you don't give it back. I live a life where if I borrow $5.00 from 'Maniac' and don't pay it back I could get "Lifeflighted" the nearest hospital. We don't tell these stories to mom's, baby mom's, girlfriends, wives, family and friends, because of the animalistic nature we live in. We shelter you from the degradation and dehumanization we face on a daily basis. People thrive in this wilderness on ignorance and violence. That belief system could become our new belief system. If we are not strong, then this reality can become our reality and our new way of life. We are no longer the little boys with the snotty noses that climbed trees and giggled when you tickled us. We are no longer the toddlers that you had so much trouble trying to potty train. We are no longer the babies you bathed and had to dodge pee from our L'il wee when we squirted at your face. We are a complete new being. We are now a NUMBER in the eyes of society. No longer a human being, no longer a name. I live a life that is full of desolation and sadness. I live a life full of mind altering situations dues to immense exposure of violence. A life full of ignorance from peers, aggression, peer pressure, coercion to conform to a systems of beliefs we were never taught but expected to follow due to power orientation. This life changes you and not for the better. I live a life where I pee, sleep, & crap all in a 6 feet radius as another man shares the same space and does the exact same things. All while he sleeps 2 feet over my head farting and sleeping in a bunk bed as if we were ten years old. No woman to hold, no pillow to comfort my neck, no comforter to keep me warm, just a blanket made of scratchy material that feels like road kill patched together. I live a life where people make empty promises. A life where people disappear on me whenever they feel like it; whenever they feel like I'm no longer convenient in their life. They continuously hurt me emotionally and fail to realize that I'm a caring, sentient being that needs to be loved, too. I live a life where there is an abundance of intelligence and talent everywhere I look, but will seldom be recognized. The stench of the word "FELONY" overshadows their natural ability and potential that God has given them to be shared with the world. I live a life where people punish us and dehumanize us every single day just because they can. They never take into account that our adjudged sentence for residing in these harsh conditions is our punishment. Taking our freedom is our punishment. Taking us from every human that we love is our punishment. The lack of civilized human contact and the lack of normalcy is our punishment. No, they have to try to make every day we exist a day of hardship and degradation, humiliation, make us feel like scum in every gesture and word. And they do this all because they can. They enjoy it. Blatantly so. And when we don't have "you" our people, to support us, to reach out to when the pain or stress gets too much, to love us, support us, we succumb to that belief system I spoke earlier about. We become worse, then we come home to you worse than we came in on day one. I live this life, but the real question is, could you???

[angrycollectordaze-me-blog]

Paper代写：Organizational effectiveness

本篇paper代写- Organizational effectiveness讨论了企业组织职能。一个企业的人力资源管理水平很大程度上取决于组织效能的发挥，而影响组织效能的发挥，领导力则起了不容忽视的作用。所以，无论是在何时何地，精通某一领域始终是领导��力的先决条件。由于互联网共享经济正快速的推进发展，领导、管理工作将面临更多亟待解决的问题，在日益复杂的社会经济环境中对组织适应性的管理等，这都将扩大领导力在人力资源管理中的作用。本篇paper代写由51due代写平台整理，供大家参考阅读。

​The core concept of traditional organizational effectiveness theory originated from 1960s to 1980s, but the current empirical problems lack the theoretical support of keeping pace with The Times, so it is urgent to study and prove the role of organizational effectiveness from a new perspective.

In sharing economy and the era of Internet big background, the fast iterative development of the Internet economy, continuously drive the organization's survival environment has changed dramatically, in order to make the Internet companies to better meet the needs of the development of the current situation, must under the condition of the limited human resources development, give full play to the advantages of organizational effectiveness, in order to effectively deal with the pressure of competition. A large number of new problems emerge in real life, which restrict the development of organizational effectiveness.

Former U.S. secretary of state Dr. Henry kissinger once said that leadership is about getting his employees, from where they are now, to where they haven't been.

John Kotter believes that leadership is the strategic bottleneck that an enterprise must deal with in the face of increasingly fierce competitive environment, and creatively proposes eight steps to successfully lead organizational change.

Organizational effectiveness generally refers to the degree to which an organization achieves its goals. It covers all aspects of an organization's management perspective. Based on the three evaluation variables of organizational effectiveness proposed by Mr. Wang chongming and others, the author changes a perspective and starts with leadership to deepen the analysis of the three dimensions.

Leadership is a unique charm of maturity, everyone in an organization will be infected and attracted by it. Therefore, in every organization there is a leader with mature charm, who leads the organization to grow and grow. Real leadership is not only possessing superior professional knowledge and leadership ability, but also must have a long-term vision to formulate corporate strategy and build a perfect performance mechanism, so as to achieve the rapid development and growth of the enterprise.

Organizations are extremely complex systems, and leadership is the only one that matters. Leaders as the key of an enterprise resource access and distribution, in addition to the human resources is a very important resource, the financing ability, he carry the social relationship of his own natural resources, and his pioneering ability for various types of network resources, finally decided to the enterprise access to the key important resources. What I see happening now is a shift from leading subordinates by coercion to subjugation by the power of the role model. A leader should not be a remote controlled machine, but a living person with long-term vision, layout, planning and working with others. As a leader, he should take the initiative to communicate with his subordinates, be good at discovering problems in enterprises and organizations, and solve them in time.

A team is built on the basis of a clear goal, common values, scientific and effective management system, good team culture, is the spiritual core of a unit culture. Take X company, which the author has investigated for many times, as an example. It is an Internet company that researches industrial big data. The company mainly focuses on technology. This can not only improve the sense of security and belonging of employees, but also can well mobilize the enthusiasm of employees in the process of project operation. As a team/department leader, it is more important to make outstanding contributions to the organization and achieve the overall goal and vision of the enterprise. Leaders are the steerers of a giant ship, and communication with team members is also essential. Their active input is an important condition for the establishment of an efficient team.

One of the things that sets great leaders apart is the ability to interact and communicate with subordinates. Leaders enable their employees and peers to deliver extraordinary performance and dedication. Some of this is achieved by setting an example, but in most cases it is achieved through a deep understanding of the employee's character and empathy when the employee is in trouble. Only those employees who are considered friendly and kind, treat people sincerely, have strong ability to plan strategy, and can truly express their enthusiasm for work and enthusiasm for employees through their daily behaviors, can be closely combined with employees to forge ahead together.

After all, doing is better than saying. Leaders and managers in an enterprise should be able to actively share information and materials with lower level employees, honestly put forward valuable opinions, and at the same time be conceited and good at listening to others' opinions. In this way, employees inside the enterprise can be guided into a positive state of social exchange.

The rapid expansion of the Internet makes the network economy develop rapidly. Research shows that by 2020, big data, cloud computing, mobile e-commerce and other new waves of information will form a global market size of more than 20 trillion us dollars.

In the current Internet industry development trend of such a dramatic increase in the environment, people gradually realize that the improvement of organizational effectiveness can enable enterprises to continuously obtain competitive advantages, sustainable survival and healthy development. Therefore, the organization should fully recognize the diverse needs of employees in the organization, establish career planning system, create development channels, and provide a growth platform for employees, so as to ensure that the ability and characteristics of employees can be given full play, maximize the effect of incentives, and better promote the growth of employees. At the same time, also want to build loose, fair, healthy competition and communication environment, and gradually strengthen the team work, innovation, organization authorized by the way, stimulate staff collaboration, and team ability, enhance employee comfort heart work, improve work efficiency, to further promote the identity of the organization's mission and reach the degrees, more effectively promote the efficiency of the organization.

Leadership also plays a key role in improving organizational effectiveness. Before the expansion of an enterprise, it is necessary to make strategic objectives, adjust the organizational structure, optimize the business process, improve the management mechanism, build an excellent employer brand, establish a good social reputation and other optimization steps. At this time, leaders will evolve many different leadership styles, such as transformational leadership, catalytic leadership and amiable leadership. It can be seen that leaders should play a supportive role of leading, regulating and promoting in the process of improving organizational effectiveness. By creating favorable conditions for the improvement of organizational effectiveness, leaders can stimulate the learning and creation of organizational members to the maximum extent so as to improve the overall learning effect of the organization.

At present, many scholars have analyzed the impact of organizational effectiveness from different perspectives. Through the analysis of organizational effectiveness, the author found that the human resource management level of an enterprise largely depends on the play of organizational effectiveness, while leadership plays an important role in influencing the play of organizational effectiveness. Therefore, mastery of a certain field is always a prerequisite for leadership wherever and whenever. A leader if you want to use this tool well - leadership, it is the basis of the implementation, determination, hard drive and ambition of the unification, the unification is taboo after he gave up his as the founder of the operating system and the identity of the maintainer, gave up as an "invisible hand" such a role, and allow yourself to become a "see, I do hand" to intervene in a variety of specific things, with personal preferences to determine the direction of the organization and resource allocation. Due to the rapid development of Internet sharing economy, leadership and management will be faced with more problems to be solved. The management of organizational adaptability in an increasingly complex socio-economic environment will expand the role of leadership in human resource management.

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[kansascityhappenings]

Children’s exposure to porn a ‘dangerous trend’

KANSAS CITY, Mo. — Children's Mercy says they're seeing a disturbing trend in child sexual assault cases.

Children are abusing children.

"I think that was kind of shocking to us all as we were collecting this data, is that almost half of our perpetrators are minors," said Heidi Olson, the Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner (SANE) Coordinator.

The SANE program's data shows perpetratros are likely to be between 11 and 15 years-old.

"Another thing we're noticing is a lot of those sexual assaults are violent sexual assaults, so they include physical violence in addition to sexual violence," said Jennifer Hansen, a child abuse pediatrician at Children's Mercy.

Recently, the International Association of Forensic Nurses said the hospital is in the top five percent in the United States, which includes hospitals that see adults, in the volume of sexual assault victims they see.

Last year, Children's Mercy saw 444 kids who were sexually abused within the last five days. That number rounds out to around 1,000 a year when they include the children who report sexual assault after five days.

Victims are most likely girls around 4 to 8 years-old.

Hansen and Olson say the number each year continues to rise. They can't pinpoint for sure if it's because Children's Mercy is a recognized children's facility with the capacity to serve more people, or if more children are reporting the assault now than in years past.

"To sexually assault someone else, that's a learned behavior," said Olson.

Nurses are also finding more and more that pornography is playing a role in these cases. That can include a victim being forced to see porn, a victim reporting that the perpetrator said they'd watched porn, being forced to do something shown in a pornographic video, or a victim being recorded doing a sexual act.

Hansen and Olson says they're noticing kids are being exposed to porn at very young ages, around 4 or 5 years-old. They say a child can develop unrealistic and dangerous ideas about intimate relationships by being exposed to violent, graphic porn.

"We know that it's probably multi-factorial. I think there are lots of things that contribute to this, but that is the question; How are we, as a society, failing in such a way that we have 11, 12, and 14-year-old boys, primarily, committing violent sexual assaults?" Hansen said.

SANE nurses can't always identify who a perpetrator is, because they work with victims, but said they've had young perpetratros tell them they've watched pornography and acted it out on someone else.

The other end

"What we are seeing is more and more kids that have sexual behavior problems and at the same time, more and more children that have access to pornography," said Rene McCreary, the director of counseling services at the Metropolitan Organization to Counter Sexual Assault.

McCreary is on the other end of the problem, helping kids between 6 and 14 years-old who have acted out sexually in an unhealthy way. They call it breaking sexual behavior rules.

McCreary says 25 percent of all sex crimes are committed by minors. Many times, the perpetrator has been victimized themselves. At MOCSA, nearly 100 percent of the kids they see have experienced some trauma.

She says pornography doesn't play a part in most MOCSA cases, but she sees it playing more of a role.

"Pornography is different today than it used to be. So, 80 percent of the 15 most-viewed films portray women being hit, spit on, kicked, called degrading names. The kinds of behaviors we wouldn't want our children, or anyone, to act in. Pornography has become more violent," said McCreary.

While pornography may not be the direct reason why a child sexually abuses someone else, but it does raise the question: What's the line between child curiosity and a real problem? Is there a line at all?

McCreary says they have criteria to determine if a behavior is problematic.

"Is the child compulsive? Was the child sneaky about it? Did they try to get away and isolate the other child? Did they use coercion or control? Was there a threat made?" McCreary said.

If a child does exhibit problematic behaviors, MOCSA uses an extensive treatment protocol called the problem sexual behavior cognitive behavioral therapy model. It's an 18-week program that aims to help kids develop healthy impulse control, help parents increase supervision, help both the child and parent recognize negative peer pressure, help develop relaxation skills and notice when someone's behavior is escalating.

MOCSA has also added a "Sexting and Texting" seminar where a Kansas City police officer does a seminar for families. Included is a one hour session on pornography to help parents understand what is readily available online.

Now what?

Children's Mercy and McCreary encourage parents to have those uncomfortable conversations with their kids about sex and what images they might see online or on their smart phone.  They encourage limiting what kids can see online.

Hansen and Olson say now that they're noticing the trend, SANE nurses have been documenting specifically if pornography is tied to a case in any way.

Their hope is that someday enough research will be collected to definitively say that pornography is influencing child sexual assault.

MOCSA has a 24-hour crisis line if you, your child, or anyone you know has been sexually assaulted: (816) 531-0233 or (913) 642-0233  

from Local News | KSHB https://www.kshb.com/news/local-news/children-abusing-children-childrens-mercy-sees-dangerous-trend-involving-children-and-porn

from Kansas City Happenings https://kansascityhappenings.wordpress.com/2018/12/01/childrens-exposure-to-porn-a-dangerous-trend/