#Christmas Chronicles

[longreads]

’Tis the Season to Kill the Dead-Mom Holiday Movie Trope

"Look, I get it: I’d also be relieved to find out my new bonk buddy wasn’t a philanderer. I’m not mad at Cameron; I’m mad that the dead wife-mom is a plot device in more Christmas movies than I can stuff in a stocking."

Before you curl up with a holiday movie, check out Cat Modlin-Jackson's new Longreads feature. It might just make you think differently about those festive frolics.

[hottestsantatournament]

HOTTEST SANTA SEMI-FINAL

MATCHUP:

Christmas Chronicles (Kurt Russel) VS. Rise of The Guardians (Alec Baldwin)

REMINDER: THIS POST ONLY LASTS A DAY! PLEASE SPREAD SO THAT WE CAN GET THE BEST RESULTS. thank you I love you

[daisymintt]

Santa Rant

You know what I’m getting tired of? The skinny Santa Claus trend. Santa is fat and happy why do they keep making him skinny? In Christmas Chronicles when the kids are surprised by Santa’s appearance Santa says that he’s not “fat and sloppy”. What’s wrong with being fat? And Santa has never been described as sloppy! He’s jolly and fat and theirs nothing wrong with that! Red One they have JK Simmons as a ripped Santa because that’s more “bada**”. Santa can be fat and bada** just look at Rise of the Guardians and Klaus! And the Target Santa is suppose to be “hot” but why couldn’t he be fat and still be considered hot? It’s 2024 people!

[madame-helen]

[askii-your-girly]

Mr. Car thief, Or is it Mr. Steal Your Heart

"He didn't steal that car, he stole my heart."

Teddy Pierce X Police officers' daughter

Song recommended with this oneshot: Criminal by Britney Spears

Word Count: 750

Warnings: Cussing and/or violent language, Teddy is a bit of a bully and a bit violent, Kissing, making out, reader lying to her father, kabedon.

Reminder: I don't own any of the characters other than you the reader and her parents. Please don't repost without credit, and i'm always open for constructive criticism.Please also remember all of this is fake and Teddy never does have a run in with the cops other than with Santa and Kate, it's just for the story.

Don't forget to enjoy and if you have any requests or want to be tagged in my next oneshot please let me know! I know its very short and rushed but I have to study for finals but I wanted to post again before my Christmas break.

Well shit, how come he didn't even notice her until that video his sister took. A girl that he knew of in his grade was staring right at him when he and his "friends" stole that car. Fuck. What was he supposed to tell her, did he really have to explain what he did to her? Double fuck, her dads a fucking cop. His mind raced of things to get her to shut her mouth about it.

You on the other hand had yet to say a word about it to anyone. How could you tell on him? As pathetic as it sounded you thought he was kind of cute. Well walking back home down an alleyway that you always take you didn't expect to see him there waiting for you.

Teddy found out from asking around what your name was, what route you take to school, and everything in between. Finding your route was just a bit off of his he decided to give you a bit of a visit. Just a bit of a scare, he assumed to get you to keep your mouth shut. Finally you came around the corner of the alleyway.

Walking through the alleyway not knowing he was even there until he pushed your back against the brick wall of that same alleyway. His hand moving to the side of your face, trapping you. Obviously confused and a bit panicked you looked up at him, he was only a few inches taller than you.

"Don't think I didn't see you there, what am I going to have to do to keep your mouth shut about that little thing." Honestly you were a little confused at first before you realized what he was talking about. The stolen car. "Don't make me repeat myself, what do you want to keep your mouth shut." If you were being honest with yourself you wanted him to kiss you, take your first kiss. Taking all the courage you had you spoke in a quiet voice, "A kiss."

He must have thought you were joking since he laughed then realized you were being serious. "You just want me to kiss you? And you wont tell anyone what happened? That seems a bit too easy." Did you really want to tell him that would be your first kiss, no but if it makes it more believable and he would do it. You got to try. Stuttering out some words you were able to whisper, "Well some kids are making jokes about me never having my first kiss so. I thought you know, you don't get into trouble and kids will leave me alone."

He smiled, this was too easy he thought. How could he say no to a cute girl asking him to kiss her. His hand wraps around your waist, pulling you closer to him. "I mean, I can't say no to that." Leaning down to kiss you, it was a lot rougher than you thought it would be. Thinking it would be a quick kiss, him on the other hand was not thinking that. Pushing you up more against the wall, after a few seconds he pulled back, your mouth was a little open getting oxygen. Exactly what he was hoping for.

He kissed you again, his tongue exploring your mouth. A little moan escaping your lips leads him to continue his assault on your lips. His knee moving up in between your legs, leaving your lips for some oxygen you let out a little whine trying to pull him in for another kiss. Laughing he pulled back saying something you could barely hear as he was walking away while speaking, "Maybe next time you catch us, we can continue."

He left you standing in that alleyway with that cute look of desperation and submission. He didn't want to overdo it. I mean it was your first kiss. Making your way home your father questions why you're late and about that stolen car. "I think it was the Pierce kid. I mean he was in the area, there had to be witnesses. You were there right it was him right?" Shyly you speak very quietly and almost as if you're not talking to him.

"Dad, he didn't steal that car, he stole my heart." You walk up to your room, getting a good night's sleep you would need it. How else would you find them stealing another car?

Honestly, I think this is my favorite ending I have made yet. Thank you, guys, for the support!

[dedalvs]

Hello!! I have fallen in love with Yulish and made my own elf character, Rökh. I want to learn the language and make comics in Yulish but I have no idea where I can find more than just the pronunciation form.

Little by little I will be adding everything to my wiki, and that includes grammar. It takes time to add, though, and I've got a lot of different projects. I promise you, though, I haven't forgotten about Yulish. It's one of my favorites, because it's kind of silly, and it's got such a nice rhythm to it. It's one of my favorites to expand when I have free time.

[that-one-art-kid]

Is it too early to be watching Christmas movies????????

[gloriatbh]

i fucking love christmas chronicles because imagine going to school after christmas break and saying you met santa claus himself but nobody believes you cuz his stupid ass took the tape

[what-gs-watching]

“It’s Christmas time, pretty baby, and the snow is falling on the ground…”

Well, now I’m in the interview prep portion of the bootcamp thing I’m doing and y’all, I don’t loveeee trying to practice talking about my experience. I really am one of those people that just shows up and says whatever tumbles out of my mouth and that has worked, so far, mostly, I guess. But apparently now I need to really try and that is a bummer. 

But it’s November, which means I have carte blanche to throw myself into the Christmas season. Gang, I love Christmas. I really do. I have a big family and it was always a fucking mess at my parents’ house but it makes me feel cozy and warm and so every year the Saturday before Thanksgiving I drag my husband to the tree farm because we have to have a real tree, and by the time we’re eating turkey, my entire house is decked out and it’s time for CHRISTMAS MOVIES.

I started this blog because I had been rambling at my engineering team at the time about my complete and utter obsession with Good Omens and I’d described my “What G’s Watching” game. One of the engineers said he’d absolutely read this trifling mess, and we had talked about Christmas movies, I forget why, and he said he could imagine curling up with a cup of tea and reading my rant on said movies. It was part of what ultimately convinced me to do this stupid thing, obviously.

So Kevin, if you’re out there, this is for you.

Welcome to my ultimate list of basic bitch Christmas movies (OTHER than the typical ones, we don’t need to talk through those do we?) you can stream this season. All previously released, because we’re gonna have to talk about the new ones  as they come. You’re welcome.

______

The Christmas Chronicles (2 movies, Netflix)

KURT RUSSELL is Santa and he’s caught by a brother and a sister  while delivering presents and they end up going on a crazy adventure to save Christmas after something obviously goes wrong. 

YOU GUYS, IT’S KURT RUSSELL AS SANTA. That should be enough for you. Because he is literally the PERFECT Santa Claus and I will defend that ‘til the end. The beard is perfect! And he plays Santa like a super cool badass! And there’s a fucking musical number!!!!!!! 

The first one is better than the second one, but the second one is still fun and has GOLDIE HAWN as Mrs. Claus and it’s so cute I could literally die. 

I straight up love Christmas Chronicles and I don’t care who knows it. It has the right amount of emotion and it reminds me of being a kid kind of and really, we’ve always needed a COOL santa. I have no idea why I’m so obsessed with Kurt Russell in this situation, but I really, really am. Absolutely no shame here.

WATCH IT.

A Christmas Prince (3 movies, Netflix)

A prince of a made-up country needs to return home before Christmas Eve so he can assume the throne after his father died, and a wanna-be reporter of a magazine? I think? Is assigned to cover the story.  She pretends to be the new nanny for the family and OBVIOUSLY hijinks ensue. Obviously.

Y’all, there are three movies in this series. They made THREE of them. And they’re all ridiculous. But also kinda charming. Like, something to put on while you wrap presents and then you find yourself, like, halfway through the second one and you’re like “well I’m here now, might as well get through the entire thing, I weirdly need to know how this ends.” 

It’s pure fluff. It’s a perfect Hallmark-esque situation, but better than the Hallmark movies because the heroine doesn’t actually need to give up anything for love like Hallmark always makes them do. Like, girl, why can’t you have a career while your husband does XYZ small-town job? WHY NOT BOTH. 

The point is, ya girl likes a happy ending. All of these have a happy ending. Everything on this list will have a happy ending.

Let It Snow (Netflix)

It snows on Christmas Eve and a group of kids in a small town, including a pop star for some reason, deal with that, and their issues, and it builds to a big ol’ party. 

This one is way better than it sounds. There is an adorable queer relationship, and two friends figuring out they’re in love, and one girl realizing she should go away to college because she can’t just stay and shoulder all the issues her family has, and friends prioritizing their friendship, and Joan Cusack playing the town’s crazy lady. 

I’m clearly still like 17 at heart so I enjoy a good ‘random teens figuring shit out’ movie. It’s just cute as hell. 

Holidate (Netflix)

Emma Roberts hates holidays because her boyfriend broke up with her so while she returns shitty Christmas presents she meets a dude who agrees to be her random ‘date’ for all of the holidays that year. 

Okay, this is not strictly a Christmas movie but it starts and ends at Christmas, and it’s fucking hilarious. This is not for kids, but oh my god, I laughed way more than I expected to. And the dude is Australian which is sooo up my alley, and of course the point is that they randomly end up falling for each other and sometimes I need a good romance that is kind of, sort of realistic (in how awkward it gets at times) even if the premise is ridiculous. 

Like, if you wanna get drunk on some wine with some adults that are not easily offended after the kids are in bed, this is the one. 

Single All The Way (Netflix)

A guy doesn’t want to go home for the holidays because his family is gonna be judgmental about his taste in dudes and the fact that he’s perpetually single, so he drags his roommate along for the ride.

Y’all. This is just a really, really adorable love story. No bullshit tricks, no stupid plot, just two friends falling in love. 

I very clearly love boys falling in love, and this one is sweet as hell. Also, it’s got Jennifer Coolidge as the crazy aunt! And Kathy Najimy! The family is hilarious and the boys are relatable and of course there’s a point where the main character is set up with a super hottie but like, they figure it out eventually. And not in a stupid, cheesy movie way. It just feels really cozy. 

This was hands down my absolute favorite the year it came out. Hard recommend.

Spirited (Apple TV)

 A re-telling (kind of?) of a Christmas Carol, but make it a musical with Will Ferrell and Ryan Reynolds.

Okay I’m gonna admit it: this one is so WEIRD! It absolutely did NOT need to be a musical whatsoever but I could not look away. I will watch anything with Will Ferrell and Ryan Reynolds though, and it was funny. And I did not expect the twist they worked in. 

Do you have two hours to be strangely pulled into this and then feel weird ways about stuff? You should. This year, I’m gonna eat a gummie first. It’ll be worth it.

Zoey's Extraordinary Christmas (Roku Channel with ads, but it’s not horrible)

A woman who’s gained the power to see/learn people’s emotions through witnessing them do elaborate musical numbers, has an unsettling family christmas.

Hear me out on this one. I was absolutely obsessed with Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist (it’s on Peacock; go watch it, like, right now. Immediately). It was such a ridiculous concept for a show but it was really so effing charming. And heartwarming, and also heartbreaking. If you haven’t seen the show, the Christmas movie is  not going to be as emotional for you, but it’s still extremely cute. The pageantry! The musical numbers! The family dynamics! 

I’ll admit this is niche as hell, but Zoey is my bish and I will tell anyone who will listen they should watch. I miss that show terribly.

Somewhat Honorable Mentions

Netflix did two random movies last year that I did watch: Christmas with You, starring Freddie Prinze Jr (!!!!!!) and Falling for Christmas with Lindsay Lohan.

Listen, I support random actors I have loved since I was a kid doing Christmas movies. Especially since they haven’t gotten up to a whole lot else. I want Lindsay Lohan to figure her fucking life out, because I can’t let go of Mean Girls or The Parent Trap. She could have been a whole damn thing and I’m sad about how things went for her and I just want her to be okay, you guys.

Is her Christmas movie mostly terrible? Yes. But it’s good background noise, just like Freddie Prinze Jr’s, and I want them both to keep doing things. So watch them while you’re cleaning the house, because why not?

______

Because I literally have all of the time in the world on my hands, I’ll probably watch almost all of these, and my favorite old standards too. 

I’ll save Elf and A Muppet’s Christmas Carol  to watch with my little nephews when I head home. We’ll do the George C. Scott version of A Christmas Carol on Christmas Eve as a weirdo family. I’ll put on White Christmas while I get the tree decorated and I’ll be singing ���when I’m worried and I can’t sleep, I count my blessings instead of sheep..’ for days. I’ll put on The Holiday in between Christmas and New Year’s because I am very much Kate Winslet in that movie, always the best friend, never the leading lady.  I might be able to tempt my Christmas-avoidant husband into Home Alone.

The point is, Christmas movies are such a wonderful and ridiculous genre of content. Because let’s be honest, no one’s holiday season is ever like that. No one, in the history of the world, has Christmases like they do in these ridiculous movies. But it’s nice to pretend. It’s nice to get that warm fuzzy feeling, it’s nice to imagine having the perfect decorations, or a crazy adventure, or a surprising romance. Because we all know, winter is bleak. It’s dark at 4:30 in the afternoon and it’s sludgy and wet and gray and unappealing. But it’s never that in Christmas movies - it’s always magical and exciting and twinkly. And we all deserve something magical and exciting and twinkly. At least until we can make it out of the dark. 

So, stream it all, y’all, it’s that time of year.

[hottestsantatournament]

ROUND TWO

MATCHUP:

Black Santa (Turell Robins) VS. Christmas Chronicles (Kurt Russell)

[t0oth-r0t]

okay no one else is saying it so i will

teddy pierce fics? please?

[removeoffthecraudestoppers]

him 💙

[askii-your-girly]

Kiss Under the Mistletoe

"A kiss? Can I get just a bit more,..."

Teddy Peirce X F! Smart Reader

Word Count: 1.1K

Warning(s): Making out, underage drinking (not teddy or reader), fluff, a tiny misunderstanding (readers end), Language/cursing, sexual? (They just really touch), People walking in on or interrupting a make out, bad grammar, writing, and spelling.

Reminder: Don't forget to be safe if you are parting make sure to bring a friend or two, and always put your drunk friend on their side so if they pass out, they don't choke. I don't approve of anyone underage drinking it's just for the fanfiction.

A party? You mentally slapped yourself in the face for letting your friend know about it, getting to be the one dragged to it. The Friday of said party was great, just before Christmas break, everyone finished with finals everyone was in an amazing mood. Dreading the party you make your way home, it's not like you don't like parties, just you didn't really like the thought of being surrounded by drunk people on a Friday night.

After getting dressed in a red dress to fit the Christmas theme of the party your friends and you make your way to the party. Only being a block away from your own home. Upon arrival you hang your coats up and walk into the living room where all the dancing and drinks were. You were questioning making a run for it, greeting you was a half-naked guy yelling to another one that new people were here or as he said, "Fresh meat." was here. Ignoring him you made your way to the probably spiked punch bowl, taking some and having a sip. Yeah. Tequilla filled your taste buds, and you spit the drink put and set the cup down.

You liked parties but seriously, shirtless guys that weren't like the movies and walking into people making out or worse, fucking? Those thoughts made you not go up the stairs, walking outside you sat down on a small bench. "Seems like you could use some company." A voice said, turning around you are met with a "gang" kid? Or Teddy Pierce. Brown hair, brown eyes, he was quite attractive. "I guess." Not wanting to sound rude for not saying anything. He sits down next to you. Sitting in silence the loud party music and people in the background.

Hearing a scoff or a laugh he tried stopping you looked over, asking what was funny. He pointed up. Mistletoe. "So? Do I get a kiss?" You laugh, "Did you come out here just for a kiss from me?" He looked at you a tiny smirk on his face, "So what if I did? Who wouldn't want a kiss from you? Top of her grade, honors student, chess champ, I mean honestly your any guy like mines dream." You froze. He knew who you were? Sure, he was right about all those things, but someone like him?

Stuttering out words, "I mean if you came all this way for a kiss." He smiled, personally you did see him and his friends talking and laughing before he followed you. Did he really need to know, you knew? I mean hell your first time getting a Christmas kiss, it counts even if it is a bet.

Leaning in, he gives you a kiss. The kiss tasted like peppermint, and hot chocolate. Expecting him to pull back, you move back a bit, he didn't like that. He moved over, still kissing you rougher. He pulled back, letting you both get some oxygen. You honestly thought he was going to run back over to his friends and get the $20 or something they would give him for winning the bet. Moving back once again, he speaks "Just A kiss? Can I get just a bit more, think of it as a Christmas gift?" Smiling as he spoke.

What the fuck? Confused you ask, "Is this a joke? Part of the bet or something?" More confused is all you could say to describe how he looked at you. "Bet, joke, what are you talking about you think I'm going to kiss someone who I haven't liked since freshman year?" Now what is going on, your confused and so is he. "Well, I didn't know..." Maybe that wasn't really going to help you, but could he really blame you? His friends were known for that. Huffing he sighs, "Yeah I know. Now you do I guess." Silents follows before he smirks, when you can look at him again. "So, about another kiss?"

You laugh, "I guess you can have another one, but what would my Christmas gift be?" The smirk on his face increased to what you can only describe as devilish, he grabbed your hand and walked you threw the party and into a room. "Did you think you're getting lucky? Cause that's not going to happen, sweetheart." He smiles at you.

"Never, that's for our one-year anniversary." Maybe he was a better guy than you thought, "Oh? When would that be?" Opening the door and leading you into the room, "Today, next year. If you let me be your boyfriend." Let him? Damn he was messing with your heart. "And why wouldn't I let you?" He led to near the bed, laughing, "Well I'm not the best example." Sitting on the bed and patting a spot for you, you sat next to him. "I don't think so, so yeah I will let you be my boyfriend. But after this party I'm going to need a date. To truly tell." Smiling you look over at him, he is also smiling.

Leaning over you kiss him. He kissed you back in an instant, his hands moving to your waist, pulling you to him. You pull back from the kiss, that's when he pulled you onto his lap, straddling him. Pulling you in for another kiss. This time he bites on you bottom lip quite hard, making you gasp, giving enough room for his tongue to slip in. His tongue easily becomes more dominate, pulling you against him. You felt like hours went by of you two just kissing, his hands moving from your waists to your thighs or ass. Anything he could get his hands on without breaking a kiss or pulling back.

You heard people walking coming and going around you, thinking no one was entering the room you both took up. Soon you hear your name being called, a door open, and a gasp and giggle. You turn around the friends you came with were standing in the door frame, watching as Teddy nipped and kissed on your neck. One of them spoke, "We have to leave, she is drunk as hell and your mom called me." You quickly climb off him, apologizing before running out the door.

He just smirked. He may be on the naughty list, but he would be on it forever if it meant every Christmas that was his present. Hurrying out of the party himself needing to determine where he was going to take you for your first date. As he walked in threw door his siter Kate sat there looking at him, their father's old video camera in hand. "A thief Teddy...wait till I tell mom about this!" Everything fell apart. Or did it?

I apologize for taking so long, Christmas was chaotic, and I had no motivation. I will try to post more since, there is like no fics or oneshots for him. I'm running out of ideas though. I will try and post as much as possible though. And thank you guys for 10 likes! If you want to be tagged every time, I post one don't be shy to comment and ask.

[dedalvs]

For those going to LA Comic Con, @quothalinguist and I will be doing a presentation Sunday at 4:00 p.m. in room 405. Hope to see you there!

[beenard-the-human]

me: I looked my mom in the eyes and said "no I don't find Santa from Christmas Chronicles hot" y'know like a liar

[rainydaysaremyfavorite]

Skimpy Saturday? Oh who cares- I just like this photo 😁