#Choral Devotions

[deepakbhagnani]

Visit our Website:  https://blackkeytunes.com/

[st4rbwrry]

𝒟𝒜𝒩𝒢𝐸𝑅𝒪𝒰𝒮𝐿𝒴 𝐼𝒩 𝐿𝒪𝒱𝐸.

꒰ forbidden love with a southern boy sounds fun. a pastor for a father, and living in a small town with god-fearing, gossipy folk was not. ꒱

🫧 𐀔 . . . 16.8k. fem!reader, lowercase intended, farmer!eren + bluecollar!eren, domesticity, established relationship, talks of religion, small mention of abuse and alcoholism, forbidden love, sneaking around, age difference + time skip, lotssss of arguments, oral sex ꒰ f + m ꒱, quiet sex (they try ;3), fingering, spanking, lots of kisses, eren’s rlly affectionate, foreplay, rough sex, size difference, spitting in mouth vv briefly, sub/dom dynamic, lots of dirty talk, multiple orgasms + overstim. minors do not interact. reblogs & comments are greatly appreciated. ♡

꒰ theme songz + mocha’s note ! ꒱ . . . i’ll be by edwin mccain + movie by avenoir. . . i rlly like this plot, didn’t mean for it to be so long srry. but it’s good so ;) very notebook themed.

 

getting married in secrecy was every family’s worst nightmare. the opportunity to see their creation speak soul-written vows to their lovers and part ways into unity. to laugh and dance together, snap photos, share cuisines and three-tiered intricately crafted fondant cake. helping their daughter pick out a dress, and their son a tux. all of those memories are delicate and forever cherished. to be ridden of that felt cruel. but, what family deserves that when they don’t accept who you're giving your love to? when they find the person you’re marrying selfish, undeserving of your love, and rude? those are the words people used to describe eren, your husband. 

the sun beats down upon the quaint southern town of georgia, casting long shadows across the freshly cut lawns and pegasus-painted houses. a gentle breeze rustles the leaves of the ancient oak trees lining the streets, their gnarled branches stretching towards the cloudless sky. in the heart of this idyllic community, nestled between the town square and the bustling main street, stands a modest yet stately residence. this is where you resided years ago with your father, the reverend pastor kain. the house exudes warmth and tradition, its wraparound porch adorned with rocking chairs and potted azaleas. a white picket fence encircles the property, symbolizing the tight-knit neighborhood and the values upheld within these walls.

inside, the air is thick with the scent of pot roast bubbling within the choral blue dutchoven and the soft hum of gospel hymns drifting from the living room in soft symphonies from your sickly mother. diagnosed with kidney failure yet always ensuring the three of you had the warmest days. the cool interior provides a welcome respite from the summer heat. the polished hardwood floors creak beneath your feet, leading you past a formal dining room with a sturdy oak table and matching chairs. family photographs line the mantel above the fireplace, capturing moments of joy and love.

your father's study lies at the end of the hall, the door slightly ajar. through the crack, you catch a glimpse of his desk, cluttered with stacks of paperwork, sermons, and bibles. the faint aroma of pipe tobacco wafts out, mingling with the musty smell of aged books. despite the comforting atmosphere, an undercurrent of tension hangs in the air, a palpable reminder of the forbidden nature of your love and the stern disapproval of your father, the man of god who once guided you with unwavering devotion.

you’ll never forget the intensity of your heart racing as you held eren’s hand within your own and stood before your father proclaiming your love. the look of disappointment on his face with furrowed brows, smile lines deep as he frowned and stared unwavering. the stern posture he’d taken by leaning up in his chair and hearing the nonsense coming from both of you. the bickering between him and eren while he held your hand the entire time, silently telling you he’d protect you while you shut out the aggressive sound of your father’s voice. 

your love blossomed in stolen moments, snatched between the cracks of duty and expectation. in the hushed whispers of late-night phone calls, the furtive glances exchanged across crowded rooms, and the fleeting touches that set your skin ablaze with longing. the two of you would meet in secret, hidden away from prying eyes and ignorant tongues. in the shadows of the park, where the crickets sang their serenade and the stars twinkled overhead. or in the cozy confines of his pickup truck, parked along lonely stretches of highway, miles from home.

there, in those intimate spaces, you’d lose yourselves in each other. lips meeting in passionate kisses, hands roaming freely, exploring the curves and contours of your bodies. you’d talk with him for hours, sharing hopes and fears, dreaming of a future where you wouldn’t have to hide your love. 

you met on a warm evening on your way to the farmers market, finding him churning butter with broad muscles, naked from his upper body and inked out over his neck and dominant forearm. there’s a slit in his right eyebrow that also held a piercing. slightly wavy brown hair pulled into a bun with baby blue overalls clinging to his skin. 

when he locked eyes with you while you pushed a cute green grocery cart, your heart immediately bloomed. those slanted grayish-green eyes with long, brown lashes of his stealing your strength. his movie star smile with a toothpick lodged between his teeth as he finally caught your gaze. the sun shone down on him, casting a golden glow on his tanned skin and ricocheting off the silver dog tag around his neck making him look even more attractive. 

the man gave you a wink before returning to his task, a sly smile playing on his lips. his arms flexed as he churned a bit harder, obviously showing off now that he knew he had your full attention. shyly, you pull your eyes away from him and pretend you don’t notice him staring as you inspect the vegetables before you. once he had finished, he wiped his hands off on a cloth and strode over to you, his overalls hanging from his hips now after he popped them free in front of you, sweat clinging to his skin. he stood in front of you, a cocky smile plastered on his face as he crossed his arms over his chest, a few beauty marks littered across his skin.

he waited for a moment before speaking up, his voice low. “you know, you’re not very good at pretending you don’t notice me.” he chuckled as he spoke. “i can see you stealin’ glances at me from the corner of your eye.”

goddamn, you nearly short circuit from hearing his voice. it’s deep and slightly raspy. the smell of him is almost natural and sweet. you caught a whiff of apple. or maybe butter given he’d been working on it for the past three hours. 

“and if i was?” 

eren’s smirk widened at your snarky response. he took a step closer to you, his body now mere inches away from yours as he looked down at you, tilting his head slightly. “then i’d say you have a thing for hot and sweaty country boys.”

“yuck, that was so corny,” you giggle in his face. 

he rubbed his forehead with his palm, feigning disappointment at your response, but he was secretly enjoying the playful banter between the two of you. “mhm, yeah. it was, wasn’t it? sorry, i’m not good with talkin’ to pretty girls.” 

you hum. “mhm, i bet you say that to all the girls. it’s a small town, and you’re attractive. i hear lies.” 

“y’know, a liar doesn’t usually apologize for his bad pickup lines. unless . . . ” his voice was a low, sultry murmur now, and his eyes held an intensity that made you feel as if he was peering into your soul. the heat from his body felt like it was seeping into your own, and the air around you seemed to crackle with electricity as he spoke. “he means it. and you aren't calling me a liar are you, darlin’?” 

the way he looked at you made your heart thump hard in your chest, and the fact that he was so close made it difficult to think straight. there’s no doubt that this man was the most beautiful person you’d ever seen, in real time at least. 

“you’re staring awful hard, like what you see?” 

“maybe i do.” 

“only maybe?” 

“i do,” you playfully roll your eyes. 

“geez, w’na marry me already,” he jokes, and of course you laugh like a lovesick teen. “i like your laugh, it’s cute. teehee.” 

listening to him mocking you made you gasp and lightly hit his arm. “stopp, i don’t sound like that!” 

“do so,” he slowly licks his lips, scanning you from head to toe. “i’d like to get to know you, if you don’t mind.” 

you nearly choked at the suggestion. me? he wants . . me? no way. “uh, you don’t even know me. didn’t even ask if i had a boyfriend.”

“are you tryin' to say you have a boyfriend?” 

“no, i don’t. but, i'm not allowed to.” 

a frown briefly tugged at his lips as he heard what you said, the meaning behind your words sinking in. not allowed to? “how come? strict parents? celibacy? . . nun?”

“okay, asshole,” you scoff. 

eren throws his hands up in defense. “sorry, just honestly askin’.”

you began to fidget at the thought of telling him about it. what if he ran away because he wanted nothing to deal with it? he notices your reluctance, and almost says something to dismiss the conversation for your sake. “my father’s extremely religious, well known in this town, actually. pastor kain.” 

“oh,” eren nods, understanding clearly now. he tried to be as considerate as possible, even though part of him didn’t care. if he wanted you, he’d have you. “so you’re the daughter. funny, me seeing you only now. he’s that strict he don’t let you come out or sum?” 

“ ‘the daughter’. why do you say that as if i have some type of rumor about me going around?”

“no, no, it’s nothing too serious. maybe a little insensitive, but . . i’ve just heard people whispering about your family and whatnot. things like your father being up his own ass or you being a  . . i’ll dial it down to prude ‘cause i find other shit said derogatory, and i'm sure untrue.” 

pursing your lips, you hum at the things being spoken behind your back. it’s not surprising. “thank you for telling me that. i’m sure a lot of people have opinions about me and my family. my dad can be a bit of a hard ass. and i surely wouldn’t call myself a prude. just because my family is religious doesn’t necessarily make me feel the same.”

“you’re not christian?” he asks. 

“no, not at all. i mean, i believe in something. i pray, i talk to someone, but i don’t consider them god. personally, i call them my fairy godmother,” you smile sweetly, thinking that sounded kind of silly. “sorry, that must sound childish.” 

“it doesn’t, it’s cute,” he chuckles. “i feel the same. agnostic is the term for me. plus, i’m more of a spiritual person. crystals and shit.” 

your brows raise. “wow, that’s rare to hear a man say that, at least here. it’s refreshing.” 

"why's that? you not from here?"

"nah, me and my mother are from the city. philly. he ended up moving us here after getting the deed to his grandfather's house. we've been here since i was ten."

eren shifts where he stands, removing the hair tie from his hair that cascaded down to his shoulders. tucking a strand behind one of his ears and shoving his hands into his pockets. “so does he have you on lockdown for the summer?” 

“pretty much. he’s got me set on studying for college. any other distraction in my path he throws a fit. i usually have free time whenever my mom needs something, like groceries for instance. i have friends and shit, i promise.” 

eren rolls his tongue and plants another toothpick in his mouth, chewing on it and watching as you curiously observe. to do the honors, he answers before you ask. “cigarette addiction. tryna cut back.” 

“makes sense.” 

“how’s about we keep it a secret?"

his tone was firm yet determined as he spoke. he knew it wouldn’t be easy to keep a relationship a secret from the pastor, especially with how overprotective the man was of his daughter. but he was willing to do it, to give you a chance to be happy and not live the way your father demanded. life’s too short, and you’re young and pretty. the thought of sneaking around with you, being your dirty little secret, made his heart thump in excitement. he was never one to play by the rules anyway.

“you mean like . . sneak around?”

“yeah. with your permission, of course.” 

for some reason, his intentions felt sexual. maybe he had heard the rumors and wanted to see what you were like and change that. you’re not a virgin, luckily the person who took it moved out of town therefore it remained a secret from everyone. he’s pretty to look at, nice on the eyes, fairly polite, and a flirt. but, you couldn’t put your finger on it. and if this was going to be a waste of your time, you surely didn’t want to risk your father finding out. 

so, you decline. “i gotta go, i’m sorry. it was nice meeting you though.” 

eren couldn’t help the slight grimace that appeared on his face when you extract your hand to give him a handshake. it felt so formal and . . cold. your dismissive tone and gesture made it seem like you were done, like you were giving up on the possibility of even interacting with him again. he wanted to question you further, but didn’t want to come off as pushy. 

“yeah, same to you.” 

while flashing a final smile, you push your cart around him to head for the check out counter. 

“when can i see you again?!” he shouts across the open market, hands cuffed around his mouth so you hear him loud and clear. 

“around!” 

eren felt a small ache of disappointment at your vague response, but couldn’t help but smile at the frantic pace you left him at. he knew he’d see you again, he’d make sure of it. two weeks passed and the city’s fair was bustling with the townships' people. one they held every year right before halloween. you’d volunteer to help your mom with her candy apple stand, taking any opportunity not to be stuck home studying. 

the county area was picturesque, a perfect example of the serene beauty of rural life. the fields stretched out as far as the eye could see, rolling hills dotted with occasional trees breaking up the endless stretches of greenery. cows and sheep could be seen grazing in the distance, their peaceful presence adding to the tranquility of the setting. the air was clean and crisp, carrying the scent of grass and wildflowers as the sun set into the night. the fair being held was a hive of activity. children running around laughing and excited chatter adding to the general din of the crowds. the smell of food wafted through the air, the scent of funnel cakes and other fried goods mingling with the underlying aroma of hay and dirt. bull rides and horse races occurring. 

eren found himself wandering through the fair, his thoughts preoccupied as he looked around. he didn’t really feel like playing games or participating in activities right now, he just wanted to clear his mind. but as he strolled past the laughing crowds of people, he paused, noticing a familiar figure nearby. his heart skipped a beat as he recognized you, and a small jolt of excitement coursed through him. your dressed in dark blue low rise affliction jeans that were flared towards the bottom along with a matching vest top and black western boots. a plain black cowboy hat atop of your head. your hairstyle changed completely the last time he saw you. it’s longer, reaching the middle of your back in soft, curly bora bora braids. you looked beautiful. straight out of a dream. a magazine even. 

the wind blows roughly, and from where he stood he could smell the gourmand of your perfume. he stopped only a few feet from you, shoving his hands in his pockets in an attempt to look casual. despite the outward appearance of coolness, his heart was beating fast against his chest, a mixture of anticipation and nervousness coursing through his veins. he hoped you’d be happy to see him again, but he also couldn’t shake the fear that you might reject him. . . again. 

you were stationed at a small booth, an array of freshly made candy apples neatly lined up for sale. the aroma of sweet, sticky apples mixed with the sugary coating filled the air. a woman who stood beside you who stole your entire face, or more-like you stole hers, taking orders from customers, dipping each apple into the thick, red coating before handing it over with a smile. as he drew closer to you, he plastered a careless smile on his face, trying to appear nonchalant. he raised a hand in greeting, waving at you casually.

“hey, what a coincidence.” 

catching his attention, the glint in your eyes reads more than your face does, discreetly giving flirty while your smile is faint. you’re stunned to see him, in fact. briefly eyeing your mother before speaking. “oh, hi! um. . . didn’t catch your name before.” 

“oh, uh. it’s eren. yeager. eren yeager.” 

he felt a slight flush of embarrassment as he said his name. he couldn’t believe he’d forgotten to even introduce himself when he’d first met you. he’d been so eager to get to know you, to convince you to give him a chance, that he’d completely forgotten to mention his own name.

“right, how are you?” 

“uh, good. yeah, i'm good.” 

“are you here with family?” 

“nah, i’m here with some friends. they’re wandering off somewhere,” he says. “are you? is your father here?” 

“he isn’t, actually. i just volunteered to help my mom out with her stand!”

eren’s smile grew just a fraction bigger at your response. he was silently grateful to whatever divine entity was watching over him for keeping your father from being here. it gave him a chance to talk to you freely. 

“is that so? so you’re not being watched over right now?”

“i’m twenty, i don’t need to be watched.”

“point taken,” he purses his lips, eyes trailing over to your mother who was clearly ear-hustling. eren decides to introduce himself. “how you doin’, ma’am. it’s a pleasure meeting you.”

“oh, hello!” your mother smiled back, turning her body fully to take in his sudden attention. she’s just a smaller version of you, same pretty face now slowly wrinkling with time. gray kinky curly hair that grazes her shoulders. she’s dressed in a long navy blue dress painted with yellow daises, a white apron draped around her neck. she smiles at eren’s charming demeanor. “are you a friend of my daughter's?” 

he gave a small nod. "yes, that's right.” 

you could tell your mother scrutinized him for a moment, taking in his appearance. she could tell he was well-groomed and well-spoken, but she also had a watchful eye for any potential troublemakers. she glanced over at you, noting the way you were watching the interaction between the two of them, and then glanced back at eren.

“well it’s nice to meet you. i don’t believe you gave me your name,” she nodded in acknowledgment, her gaze still appraising him. 

“apologies. i’m eren yeager, ma’am.” 

she took in his name and the way he presented himself, weighing him silently in her mind. she was clearly being protective, trying to figure out if he was a suitable friend for you or not. you sigh deeply, twirling your fingers anxiously. eren notices. 

“ah, so you’re the eren i’ve heard about. the troublemaker.” 

“ma. .” you eye her, as if telling her not to start. 

he smiled innocently, a small hint of embarrassment coloring his expression. he didn't think he was quite as bad as the rumors might’ve made him out to be, but he also knew that he wasn't exactly the most picture-perfect person. 

“troublemaker, huh? didn’t know i was known for that. i can tell you that i'm the sweetest person you’ll know if that eases you.” 

“hm,” your mother squints suspiciously, a small giggle, surprising to you at least, coming from her. you blink at her, brows furrowing. does she find him sweet? “aren’t you charming. i hope you stand by your word.” 

this was becoming awkward for you. given the way you were raised and the household you grew up in, your mother was always the sweet one. stern when needed, but for the most part she let you be your own person. she still had heavy concerns for the people you chose to surround yourself with. and a man wasn’t exactly something she’d be ecstatic with. but with her sickness, and unknowing of the time she had left, she’d let her guard down to see you happy. if he were to break your heart, it’d only be a lesson you’d have to learn on your own. 

you remove your sight off of the pretty boy before you, the stand quieting down from attraction to hold her shoulder endearingly. “mama, would it be okay if i stepped away for a bit? just to talk.”

“just for a bit, alright? and make sure you’re only talking,” she says, throwing eren a warning glare. you groan, titling your head annoyingly. 

eren nodded in understanding, silently vowing not to do anything that would give your mother a reason to get between you two. the last thing he needed was a scolding from a protective parent, especially one as dedicated as yours. he already had to potentially worry about your father. he gave your mother a reassuring smile, hoping to ease her worry just a bit. “don’t worry, ma'am. we’re just going to head to the hoedown for a dance.” 

you shoot him a look, dancing sounds different from talking. he smirks. 

“alright, fine. but you be back before ten, okay? no funny business.” 

shaking your head, you give her a peck on the cheek. “promise mama. thank you.” 

“mhm hmm.” 

she watches eren step aside as you remove your apron, maneuvering around the stand as he elongates his arm with a gentle ‘after you’, the two of you strolling away, but not before you turn to look back, giving her a grateful yet giddy smile. your mother chuckles, waving and smiling back, her heart warming at the sight of eren reaching to hold your hand that you hesitated to take before giving in. she couldn’t help but think this was going to be trouble. 

“she seems nice,” eren mutters, a grin tugging at the corner of his mouth. 

you can’t help but roll your eyes. “yeah, she’s very sweet. just can be a bit overprotective.” 

“it’s good you have parents that care for you like that,” he replied, an almost sad tone in his voice. 

"yeah, they. . they're cool," you say, faltering slightly as you try to find the right words. “what about yours?” 

you look up at eren, trying to catch his eyes, but he's staring straight ahead, his jaw set and his expression closed off. it’s clear that he doesn't want to dive too deep into it, but you can't help but wonder what could've happened to make him react like this. he clears his throat uncomfortably, protectively holding you close as he guides you through the crowd. it makes your heart jump. 

“dad isn’t the best.” 

“. . oh.” 

the ranch slowly comes into view, the sounds of music thrumming louder as you approach. there’s a large, open space filled with people dressed in their best western attire, a sense of excitement and nervousness overtaking you. eren leads you through to make your way towards the center of the ranch, where the dancing and festivities are already in full swing. the music is lively and upbeat, couples twirling and spinning across the makeshift dance floor. others chugging down drinks at the bar. 

“you w’na show me how you move?” there’s a certain look in his eye, something else that you can't quite identify. his confidence is infectious. 

the crowds contagious, and it’s clear that everyone is having a great time. but you can’t help but fidget at the thought of dancing with someone you’re extremely attracted to. who smelt like patchouli, dressed in all black with tan, slightly roughed up cowboy boots. who’s smile is as bright as the moon, chocolate long hair making him look like the prettiest prince. it felt like a date. and technically, this would be your very first one. which, now that you’re thinking about it, is probably why your mom looked at you the way she did. 

you cower, biting your lip. “um, i . . can’t dance. at least the way they are.” 

eren raises his brow at your declaration. “really? hm.” 

you swallow when eren’s hand pulls you a little closer by your hip, gently resting there to guide you into position. "don't worry. i’ll lead, and you just follow. it’s not rocket science, right?"

“okay.” 

he starts to move, slowly guiding you into a basic step. despite your lack of knowledge, you try your best to keep up with him, your eyes glancing down at your feet every now and then out of fear of tripping. eren notices your hesitation and gives a small laugh. he keeps his arm around your waist, making sure you don't falter.

"relax. you’re doing fine. stop looking at your feet so much. you’re going to fall if you keep it up.” 

“sorry,” you giggle, your initial nerves starting to fall off as you let him guide you. 

he spins you around gracefully, his hand still firmly holding you in place. you're starting to get the hang of it, your body slowly moving in time to the music. the expression on eren’s face is a mix of amusement and pride; it's clear he's enjoying teaching you to dance. as the music changes to a slightly faster beat, he picks up the pace a bit, twirling you around with practiced ease. his steps are confident, his grip firm yet comfortable. you find yourself actually enjoying the experience, laughing at your own clumsy attempts to keep up with him. his smile widens, his eyes shining with a playful glint as he watches you. amused by your honest attempts of catching up. 

the music slows down eventually, and now plays a soft melody that has couples pulling each other closer to slow dance romantically. rolling your lips inward, you beam up at him with a soft chuckle. i’ll be by edwin mccain playing, and it happened to be one of your favorite songs. the moment becomes intimate, and eren makes a move to rest both hands on your lower back to pull you even closer so your chest touches his. the warmth from his body onto yours gives you goosebumps. it gets more romantic when he places your arms on his shoulder, your hands interlocking while his eyes lock onto yours. bodies swaying slowly with the melodious tune.

“don’t know if i told you how pretty you are.”

you can feel a flutter in your chest at the unexpected compliment. you turn your eyes away from him, a small smile playing on your lips as you try and hide your reaction. you can feel the warmth rising in your face, and you have a feeling he notices it too. “and i told you that you say that to all the girls.”

you’re unsure what switched, but his face grows calm, studying your face intently, hugging you closer as if you’d slip away. that makes you alert. “so . . your mother thinks i’m trouble. i’m not sure what you’ve heard about me. we do live in a small town so shit gets around, including rumors. but, what i’m worried about is how you perceive me.” 

the tone in his voice catches you off guard, his eyes fixed on yours with an almost vulnerable expression. “um, i haven’t heard anything about you to be honest. i don’t really stick my nose in drama, or the bullshit older folks gossip about. clearly, my mom knows, and i’ve heard something minor about your father. . i just — don’t want things like that to cloud my judgment of you. i’d wanna get to know you from you.”

he swallows, trying to contain his thankfulness. “seriously?” 

“yeah, i mean . .” you shrug shyly. “people don’t necessarily have many nice things to say about me or my family apparently. i guess you could say we’re two peas in a pod.” 

“outcasts,” eren prys in a small joke. 

“complicated, whatever. misconceptions everyone makes when they don’t know shit. if i get to know you, and get what i think we want to get from each other, and it turns out to be great or goes completely to shit? then that’s for me to decide when i’m ready.” 

“you’re absolutely right,” he sighs. “i fuckin’ hate this town sometimes. i’m twenty-three ‘n i feel like i'm stuck here. i just wanna run away and start a new life.” 

“i feel the same,” you weakly smile, thoughts flashing around in your head. “this doesn’t feel like home anymore. the community is perfect exterior-wise, but deep down everyone’s a little demented. and believe it or not, my life is miserable. my father’s too overbearing, my mom's sick. they have these high expectations of me, like going to college and honoring the family’s name. but, i’m starting to realize it’s not what i want anymore. i’m only doing it to please them. my father legit made me take a year off just to make sure i’m fully prepared for college.”

“has your father always been strict like that?” eren switches with you as more people make way on the floor, facing south now. the star lights hung on the ceiling setting the mood as more love music played. 

“since i was a kid, yeah. he’s always had these values he believed we should uphold. ‘keeping’ the families guidance, child’ he would say,” eren watches you chuckle dryly, his jaw clenching. “often times i wonder why my mother married someone like him when she’s the complete opposite. i’m guessing he was different when they were younger. sometimes i think i ruined their love.” 

“don’t think that, ꒰♡꒱,” hearing your name come from him made you squeeze his hand tighter, oddly feeling comforted. “whatever problems they have aren’t because of you. they decided to bring you into this world, therefore it’s their job to raise you to be the best you can be. and i think you’re great, and you can think for yourself and do whatever you want with your life.” 

“thank you, eren.” 

“mhm,” eren searches your face continuously, memorizing every detail of expression. for future notes. “do you think he’s so hard on you because he never got the opportunities you have? or ‘cause, you know, you’re his only girl?” eren asks. 

instantly, you nod. “yeah, that’s definitely it. he’s afraid to make a mistake. granted, he’s made a few already. no parent is perfect, but it’d be nice if he’d see me as the adult i am now and not just his baby girl. or perceive me as this sweet little church girl whose only values in life are to please her parents and have awards to hang in the house to boast about when we get visitors.” 

“that’s gotta be hard, i’m sorry.” 

“it’s okay. i’d also be the first in my family to attend college. i got offered a scholarship to brown, which is why he has me studying till i bleed. figuratively, of course.” 

“wow, an ivy league. that’s big.” 

“thanks, i’m a genius,” you roll your eyes sarcastically. your hands drop from his neck, entwining your right hand with his left, eren wrapping his arm around your waist as you two dance that way. “your hands are really soft.” 

“all that butter i be churnin’,” he cackles. his face grows serious once more, and yet again you’re unable to read him. “listen, so . . i w’na tell you that i really am drawn to you. i like you, ‘n i’d like to get to know you. who knows, maybe one day we can run away together from our lives here, some cliché shit like that.” 

“i . . yeah. i really wanna get to know you, too.”

“ooh, you likin’ me?” he flirts. 

you can't help but give him a small smile, your cheeks flushing slightly. this lovesick feeling you get around him was something you’d only read about in novels hauled up in your bedroom to escape reality. it felt nice. 

"maybe i am. what if i am?"

"i like the sound of that," he replies, his voice a soft murmur just above your ear. "i like it a lot, actually."

you can feel the heat radiating from his body, the closeness making your heartbeat quicken. you try to tell yourself that it's just the dance, just the music, that's making you feel this way, but deep down, you know it's more than that. something about eren, something about the way he's looking at you right now, is stirring up feelings you haven't felt before.

“you know," he says, his voice low and intimate, "would it be too early for me to ask to kiss you?”

and that followed up with more forbidden kisses. the two of you tried to see each other four days out of the week, of course, sunday’s being off limits. you’d run to the market for your mother and spend most of your time at eren’s farm feeding the animals and helping him work. making up an excuse when your mother asked why you took so long. the two of you decided it was best to keep your relationship private from both your mother and father until the time was right. there are nights when you would sneak out when your parents were sleeping to make out in the back of his pickup truck under the stars. 

play fighting in the lake, writing each other love letters, running into his arms whenever you saw him while he spun you around and held you tight. every moment spent with him felt like a novel. every kiss feels like a risk, every touch like a secret act of rebellion. living a double life pretending to be just friends. the intimacy of stolen moments you share is like a secret language, a bond forged by the very secrecy that threatens to keep you apart. a month into the relationship, eren surprised you with a date at the same ranch where you shared your first dance. decorating the back of his truck with blankets, pillows, and tons of snacks for a drive-in movie casting on the back of the ranch. he made love to you for the first time that night. 

pastor kain and most of the god-fearing parents in this town knew that eren had a reputation for being rowdy and a sweet talker with the girls. he’s not necessarily someone they’d see their daughter for. and eren will admit he’s made some poor decisions in life, but that didn’t make up for who he was deep inside. nobody knew him. they only knew the surface level of what was spoken of him and his family. the yeager's. eren practically runs the farm that’s in his mother’s name, working his ass off every day while his father wastes himself in heavy liquor on the living room couch. he could’ve left a long time ago, but his attachment to his mother and what she built refused to let him pull away. 

his father made a few public appearances that tarnished their family name further. altercations with good people in town for giving him dirty looks or speaking with ill intent on his son. a father forever, but a horrible dad through and through. his reputation already ruined eren’s. a lot of people assumed he’d be exactly like his father; a drunk, and an abuser. his mother going without peace in a horrible fight between the two causing her heart attack. eren hates that he can’t let him go, having a few nasty fist fights himself. maybe he’s hoping he’d get better one day and be someone. but that was far from what will happen. 

eventually, you and eren sneaking around had to end when word got out about it through your father’s church; an older woman calling you a slut and stating that you’ll be no good dealing with a yeager. it’s clear they were truly disliked in this town full of idiots and sinners themselves. ‘holier than thou, up their asses, pretentious dicks!’ is what eren had to say about it. you and your father had one of the worst arguments of your life. a total scream fest when he found out. 

eren sat outside in his truck, anxiously bouncing his leg, eventually exiting to pace around on your porch. you come out with tears streaming down your face, eyes red and puffy. eren falls apart, cooing ‘awe, baby’ before embracing you into a tight hug, his strong arms burying your face into the warmth of his chest. 

“he just doesn’t understand. i don’t get why he doesn’t understand,” you choke on your sobs, eren brushing a hand down the back of your head, kissing it after. 

“let me talk to him,” eren suggests, and instantly you’re disagreeing, backing away and trembling. 

“no, eren. i told you, nothing we can say will get through to him. he’s fuckin’ hopeless!” 

“kain, stop it!” your mother’s frantic voice could be heard shouting at your father from inside, glass being thrown out of anger. 

the blood flows through eren’s veins viscerally, an intense feeling settling within him, bringing back memories of his own mother. the booming voices of his father and items being tossed, knocked down, or torn. without another word, he’s rushing into your home intending to set things straight. you panic, following his lead, unaware of what he is capable of when angry. you’ve never seen him on that level before. you knew him well enough to know that he wouldn’t put his hands on your parent, and he was respectful to show proper communication. 

“eren!” your voice croaks, tailgating him as he approaches your father’s office where the commotion ensues. 

“he’s corrupting our child! why can’t you see that?!” 

eren stands tall, pulling you behind him protectively as he meets pastor kain’s accusing glare with unwavering determination. 

“who told you to step foot into my home, boy?” pastor kain grits, your mother standing idly beside him, pain wretched over her face. your lips begin to tremble, hating seeing her that way. you never wanted this to be the outcome. you just wanted to love this man. why should you be punished for that? 

“corrupting her?” eren chooses to ignore his statement and cut to the main issue. “sir, with all due respect, it’s not your decision to say who she can ‘n cannot be with. i have no intent to hurt her, which is exactly what you’re doing right now. we've made choices based on what's best for us, for our future. ‘n while those choices may differ from what you had planned, they are ours to make.”  

“and who gave you permission to include yourself into my daughter's plans?” the man snarled, eyeing you as you sob behind eren aggressively. your cries paining eren’s heart. you were too broken to stand up for yourself right now. feeling like you’ve been doing that for your entire existence. it felt safe to have eren handle things for you. 

“she did, because she’s an adult and i will marry her whether you give us your blessing or not,” his voice rises, tinged with a hint of defiance. the word marriage drives your father into madness. “i will never apologize for loving your daughter, for wanting to build a life with her. if that makes me a bad decision in your eyes, then so be it. but i refuse to let you dictate the course of our happiness.” 

his gaze shifted towards you, his eyes filled with a mixture of sorrow and disappointment. the tension hung heavy in the air, the weight of their disagreement pressing down upon them. yet amidst the conflict, there was an undercurrent of love and concern, a testament to the complex bond that existed between father and daughter. your father holds a hand to his heart as if it’s torn, strolling around his brown desk to take a seat. 

“you’re going to let him speak for you, ꒰♡꒱. speak to me like this? there’s no respect for me anymore?” 

your sniffles are loud, removing your face from the middle of eren’s broad back to stand your ground, elevating your head and clutching his hand tighter. “i truly don’t know what else i can say to you, daddy. i’m not fond of the life you have planned for me. i will always be your daughter, but i can’t and will not be this little girl you want to have control over. i am an adult, therefore you have to treat me as such. i no longer want to attend college because of my own decision. it was always your dream, not mine. eren had nothing to do with these transitions. i am allowed to love whomever i please.” 

the room falls silent as your parents stare at you, your mother placing her hands over her chest with loving despair. she herself has made multiple attempts to try and change her husband's point of view, but nothing surpasses. eren glances at you, eyes shining with adoration and protectiveness. 

“it’s not that i won’t let you live your life. it’s that i don’t approve of who you’re trying to give your life to. what can he do for you?” 

eren feels a sense of inferiority. “i may not come from wealth, but i am not a man of indolence. your daughter is a remarkable woman who deserves everything she wishes for. she knows her own mind ‘n heart, ‘n she's chosen me. ‘n i love her for that. i’m not belittling your concerns, but i can not, in good conscience, abandon the woman i love’ needs. we may not fit the mold you've envisioned, but i love her and will continue to whether you disapprove or not. i will provide for her, take care of her. she never has to lift a finger while with me.” 

pastor kain’s face contorted in anguish, his shoulders slumping as if the weight of the world bore down upon him. he looked at you, then at eren, his eyes searching for some glimmer of understanding, some shred of compromise.

“oh lord, have mercy on us all,” with a heavy sigh, he turned away, his voice barely audible as he spoke. “you’ve made your choice clear, ꒰♡꒱. you’re choosing to leave the only home you've ever known, turnin' your back on the only family you've ever had. and for what? a fleeting romance with a man who can't even provide you with a stable future? someone rowdy with a poor excuse of a father? a flirt who can’t handle his greed for women? you want me to be happy for you? for this? he ain’t good for you, baby girl. and i will stand by that for as long as i breathe.” 

that’s when all of you equally realized that no matter what was said, his opinion will remain one sided. admitting defeat as a whole. anything that was said completely flew over his head, and only his view mattered. it’s narcissistic, and bizarre. eren was baffled, in fact. 

the waves of pain crash down on you, wishing he would just understand you, and be happy for you. to approve and give his blessings. to tell you that the man you’re in love with is good for you. eren holds you as your body grows weak, almost falling over. it’s clear the effect this had on you, and he fucking hated it. 

“i just want you to . . you don’t even k-know him.” 

he shook his head, his eyes glistening with unshed tears. “i fear for your soul, my dear.” 

i fear for your soul. that haunted your dreams like nothing else ever had. it was by far the vilest thing you’d ever heard your father say to you. it made you cry for days on end. breaking your heart over and over again. weakening since the moment you’d packed your suitcase and said goodbye to your mother. you no longer saw your father as family. giving her a heartfelt embrace and kissing your home goodbye. four months later, your mother passed away. regret ached at you for not seeing her as much after you left with eren. you’d seen her only a few times after the horrible fight, spending the day with her as she gave eren an extreme apology as well as her approval. she prayed you’d forgive your father, to give him grace. 

the last time you saw your father was at your mother’s funeral. and the look on his face remained the same towards eren; disgust. you still loved your father a great deal, but the respect no longer resides. you’d comfort him, check on him occasionally, but keep your distance to protect your peace. after your mother received a beautiful burial, you continued your future with eren. marrying in secrecy two months later. in the aftermath of loss, the two of you found solace in each other. amidst the grief and chaos, your love became a beacon of hope, a reminder that even in the darkest times, there could still be beauty. so, in a quiet ceremony surrounded by close friends, you vowed to spend the rest of your lives together. 

as you exchanged rings and sealed your union with a kiss, the weight of the world seemed to lift from your shoulders. for a moment, nothing else mattered except the love you shared, the future you would build together. a good thing that came out of this was eren’s father getting clean and giving him a letter from his mother he’d kept hidden on his own accord. a title for land she’d purchased just for him to do what he pleased. eren’s father held down the farm while eren decided to build your dream home on the new land. and he stood by his word. 

it was hard for eren to forgive his father, but he appreciated that he wanted to be better. it’d never bring his mother back, nor heal the bruises on his heart, but it was something. once he built this home for the two of you, he’d never have to see him again. it seemed like both of you were running away from your father’s. it was scary how somewhat similar your situations were. you became acquainted with his father out of respect, helping with the farm to pass time as eren focused on building the house with his friends. it helped you clear your mind surprisingly, always adoring animals and gardening. it’s something you wanted to do once the house was ready as a hobby. 

some days were really hard, grieving not only the death of your mother but the separation from your father. you felt bad for the many nights you cried in eren’s arms about it. luckily he didn’t invalidate your feelings. he constantly reassured you that everything you felt was natural, and he had no problem comforting you on your lowest days. and that if anyone understood the pain of losing a mother, it’d be him. he truly was your angel. who would’ve thought a man you’d met at a market one random day would be the one you’d spend the rest of your life with. 

eren spent an entire year and a half building a charming little cottage nestled in a scenic countryside setting out of town, about an hour. it’s a cozy, quaint structure with a warm, homey feeling. the exterior is made of white wood, front adorned by a wrap-around porch, blue shutters, and a few flowers in pots. the windows are large and welcoming, bringing in natural light and a lovely view of the surrounding landscape. he’d built your dream kitchen, tall windows overlooking the garden. a bathroom with a clawfoot tub and double sinks. and a library so you could read and write. he did it all. 

you stood beside him, hand resting on the small of his back as you surveyed your new home. 

"this is perfect," you whispered, voice filled with emotion as tears well in your eyes. “it’s everything i’ve ever wanted, eren. thank you.” 

eren turned to you, his eyes shining with love and pride. he wraps his arms around your waist, pulling you close as he buried his face in the crook of your neck. the scent of your perfume mingled with the earthy aroma of nature filling his senses with comfort.

“i meant what i said, i'd do anything to make you happy,” he murmured, breath tickling your skin. he tilts your chin up, gaze locking with yours as he brushes a stray curl behind your ear, the tears falling down your brown cheeks. “you’re the most important thing in my life, and now we get to share this space, these memories, everything. together."

‎‎               𐦍

a storm is raging outside on the day of your anniversary, and it only raises your anxiety for your husband currently working in this weather. you’d set up the dining area to surprise eren, spending hours in the kitchen to perfect the tastiest meal. you’d always be sure to welcome him home with a good meal after hard labor. talks of the storm have been on a loop, playing on the living room tv repeatedly. one of your worst fears was a natural disaster. for it to possibly happen today of all days felt like a big joke. 

you’ve been trying to keep your mind off it, praying for eren’s safety while anxiously nibbling at your cross necklace. you’ve tried to contact him a few times, but gotten no response. assuming he was busy, you left it alone, knowing he’d get back to you as soon as he was available. service was probably terrible out there. within the next moment, as you set the oven to three sixty-five and placed the round cake pan in, the sound of the front door swinging open alerts you. you hear that familiar sound of house keys jangling, and your heart nearly combusts at the realization that your husband made it home. 

the oven mitts come off, and immediately you’re bolting towards the living room; a sweet scent of roses wafting up from the extreme wind blowing into the house and the bouquet in his hand. “where you at, baby? i’m home!” 

his voice calling out to you makes you giggle, echoing through the warm house. a few seconds later, you emerged from the archway, a smile beaming on your pretty face as you ran into his arms, eren chuckling as he caught you and your legs wrapped around his waist. kissing at his face in relief.

“baby, i was so, so nervous. the storms gettin’ worse by the day. i thought you were stuck somewhere. you weren’t answering your phone ‘n i got so scareddd,” you bury your face in the crook of his tatted neck, nearly sobbing as you clutch him tight. 

it’s true, the weather was horrible. trees knocking down, power going out, roads blocked. it happened out of the blue. they’re saying a hurricane is a high possibility. why you’re finding out last minute? who fucking knows. unfortunately, he was on the clock today working at the plant, his highlighted yellow vest adorned on his shoulders as he stepped himself out of his dirty timberlands. luckily they were collectively told to head home early for safety reasons. 

“oh, darlin’, i’m alright. my body’s intact,” he kisses your cheek. “i told you to stop watchin’ the news. it makes you more sensitive.” 

he sets you down slowly, your bare feet hitting the ground while you pout up at him. your curls were tousled as if you'd just rolled out of bed, but you looked beautiful, breath catching in his throat actually. especially dressed up in this dark red two-piece set. cute ruffled shorts and a skimpy bra accentuating your every curve in a way that left little to the imagination. the swell of your ass, hips, and thickness of your thighs that touch swallows the material salaciously. your skin is smooth, always. scented with dewberries and magnolia. 

“fuck, baby,” he breathed, voice low and husky as his hand slips down to grip your ass, spanking you hard as you squeak. “i like this on you. you look pretty.” 

“thank you, baby,” your eyes sparkle with affection. “i wanted today to be special. i made dinner and all. but the storm had me shittin’ myself.” 

“that’s why i gotcha these before the flower shop closed. well, i ordered ‘em ahead of time ‘n miss valerie let me pick ‘em up,” eren hands you the assortment of flowers in his hand, blooming red roses and cream calla lilies swarmed in black wrapping paper. you take them, adoringly jutting out your lower lip more. “happy anniversary, sweetheart.”

“you’re such a sweetie, rennie,” you lay your chin on his chest, leaning into him while looking up at him with puppy eyes. “thank you.” 

“mhm hmm,” eren loses focus already, clutching the side of your face before leveling his neck lower to capture your lips in a searing kiss, bottom lip dropping to enclose your mouth with his. 

the kiss is slow and filled with passion, eyes shutting in sync as you moan from his taste. he smelt like he’d done hard labor and the musk of his cologne he’d spritzed at six in the morning, but you loved it. every time. your fantasies just get more disgusting as you age. the heavy toolbelt that’s sliding down his hips, the white crewneck, slightly stained with patches of oil almost eating up his muscles, showcasing his tatted right arm and neck. wedding band around his finger as he holds your face to aggressively kiss your smaller frame. he’s forever hot. 

the savory aroma of dinner wafted up from the oven, momentarily breaking the spell. with a groan, he reluctantly pulled back, eyes never leaving yours. "i smell food.” 

"well, since you've gone through all that trouble, i showed my appreciation properly." 

as you drag him towards the dining room, his gaze falls upon the beautifully set table, the flickering candlelight casting a romantic glow across the darkly lit room. confetti littered the surface, a whimsical touch that added to the celebratory atmosphere. a chilled bottle of wine sat in a silver bucket. he watched you slip on your oven mitts to retrieve the food you were keeping warm. eren surveys the spread, the tantalizing aroma of perfectly steamed lobster claws glistened with butter, while the filet mignon looked pink and juicy. his stomach growls with anticipation, only eating the lunch you packed for him earlier in the day containing birria ramen and pork dumplings. 

“damn, you always do so well. good job, baby,” he marveled, heart swelling with admiration for your thoughtfulness. his praises making your face heat up. he does it so much you’re not sure if he realizes how it makes you feel. "everything looks so good. let me jus’ shower real quick ‘n we can dig in, yeah?” 

“noo,” you protest. eren arches a brow. with a flourish, you poured two glasses, the rich red liquid swirling seductively in the crystal bowls. “love you like this.” 

eren cracks a smirk, sucking his teeth in amusement. “you’re so dirty, girl.” 

"you like it,” you raise your glass in a silent salute. “come eat. i need you thick.” 

“shut it.” 

you scream as he hits your ass playfully, sneaking behind you to kiss your cheek while you snort, eren pulling out your chair like a gentleman so you can sit, soon taking his adjacent to you. for the next hour the two of you enjoyed each other's company, laughing in faces, getting tipsy, love bites and sensual touching . . the usual. eren thanked you repeatedly for how good the food was, soothing old-school rnb playing soundly low in the background while he washed the dishes as you spread chocolate icing on the cake you baked. it was a moment of simple domesticity, a glimpse into the everyday life you’d built together. once the last plate was put away, your husband dried his hands and turned to face you, a mischievous grin spreading across his face as he watched you sip your wine while you spread the icing spatula over the cake, humming to the tune. 

slowly, he approaches you, coming behind you and planting kisses along your neck, your hand dropping the spatula while your eyes falter shut. his kisses are filthy, his hands groping you to push your ass back onto the outline of his dick now hard in his jeans for a while. he slowly trails a hand up your throat to clutch, pushing you against the counter nearly bending you over fully. 

you moan, rubbing your ass back on him as his hands roam over your body, a wine glass in your hand as you close your eyes and rest your head on his shoulder. you reached beside yourself, fingers trailing lightly down his forearm where his hand slips in between your thighs, groaning on your skin as he rocks his erection against the shape of your ass. a delicate gasp falls from you, setting your wine glass down and hooking your arm behind yourself to hold his head in place. 

“c’mere,” eren licks his lips, your skin prickling with heat as he guides you closer to him by your abdomen, spreading your thighs further apart to slot his fingers into your ruffled bloomers. 

his teeth nip at your earlobe while he grunts and rolls the pads of his rough fingers against your clit, a cute sound emitting from your mouth. your jaw is agape, eren hissing when you tug at his hair the minute he’s sliding his middle fingers into your pussy, stretching you open as his thumb strums your clit, tugging your bloomers down to your knees with the hook of his thumb. instantly, you’re falling apart. moans breaking out in short whimpers and high gasps, grinding into his palm. eren arches over you, free hand palming the countertop which your hand rests over to grab for leverage, wedding bands touching, his breath heavy on your flushed skin.  

"there we go, take it baby,” he murmurs, his voice heavy with desire and encouragement. he leans in to capture your lips in a slow, sensual kiss, his tongue delving into your mouth to mingle with yours. 

“babyy,” you’re whimpering, his fingers long and entirely deep inside of you. the loud squelch of your pussy fueling him. 

eren’s fingers scissor and curl to hit that perfect spot inside you, your moans growing louder, hips rocking to match his rhythm. the dual stimulation of his fingers fucking you while he thumbs at your clit has your body trembling with anticipation, the wine in both of your systems heightening every feeling. the desperate clench around his fingers only increases his efforts, pumping his fingers faster and applying more pressure to your sensitive bud.

the sudden insistent knocking at the door shattered the intimate mood. you froze, heart pounding in your chest as your eyes shot open to glance at him, a mix of annoyance and concern etched on his features as you watch his jaw clench. he wants to ignore it, but the worry on your face tells him not to. he’s groaning. 

“the hell could that be?" he muttered under his breath, your mind racing with possibilities. it wasn't uncommon for neighbors to stop by, but during a severe storm? you’d think everyone would be hauled up at home. 

groaning yourself, you fix yourself up, scrunching your face from the uncomfortable feeling of wetness sticking between your thighs. wanting to stomp in irritation, you go to grab a soapy towelette as eren’s too busy licking you clean off his fingers while shaking your head and wiping his hand. 

“do you think it could be the county police? maybe they’re checking to see if everyone’s safe,” you say, going to search for one of eren’s oversized hoodies to toss over your head and cover your body appropriately. 

“could be. i heard a few people’s had their power knocked out. i’m hoping we won’t have to evacuate.” 

eren takes a deep breath, steeling himself for whatever interruption awaited. with a reluctant sigh, he strode towards the front door once you were ready. as he unlocked it, he made sure to securely have a tight grip on it since the wind was ridiculous out. the last thing the two of you expected was to see a familiar face awaiting, going into shock as you see your father standing on the other side, his gaze sweeping over eren before settling onto you. 

“pastor,” eren greeted him curtly, trying to keep his tone neutral despite the annoyance simmering beneath the surface. he steps aside, letting the man inside so he wouldn’t get knocked over by the raging winds. “come in if you must.” 

eren shuts the door, standing tall next to you. he’s confused why he’s here, hoping his visit wasn’t a thinly veiled attempt to criticize his relationship with you once again. then again, it’s been three years since he’s personally seen him. of course you kept him in your life, just extremely briefly. you stand beside eren, feeling his tension and bracing yourself for an uncomfortable confrontation. pastor kain’s presence fills the room with an awkward heaviness, and you can almost sense the disapproval radiating off him in palpable waves.

“daddy, what are you doing here?" you ask softly, worry and curiosity inked in your voice. 

as pastor kain stepped further into the house, his eyes roamed the space, taking in the evidence of you and your husband’s shared life together. the cozy living room, adorned with photos of you two, hinted at the love and connection you’d built. the faint scent of the dinner you had not long ago, a reminder of the domestic bliss you’d created.

“i was in the neighborhood and wanted to see my daughter. the storm’s really bad, and i got worried. hopefully i'm not interrupting anything.” 

your eyes soften, smiling faintly. "thank you for doing that. i’m glad you stopped by. but you should be home. why were you out in this weather?” 

“had to drop cherry off at the vet, she ain’t doing too good,” your father frowned, the mention of the dog he’d gotten a while after your mother passed makes you sympathize. 

“oh, i’m sorry to hear that. she gon’ be okay?” 

“can’t say for sure. she been havin’ a lot of stomach problems, uh . .” he quickly clears his throat as if to cover up his pain. you weakly smile, rubbing his arm. 

“hey, no need to explain. i’m prayin’ she’ll be okay. it’s nice to see you, um . . eren and i were just celebrating our anniversary. would you like to join us for dessert?” you gesture towards the kitchen where a decadent chocolate on chocolate cake sits on the counter. 

eren watched pastor kain’s expression closely, gauging his reaction to the invitation. when he hesitated, eren couldn't help but feel a flicker of irritation. 

“sure, why not?" pastor kain replied gruffly, his gaze lingering on the cake before meeting eren’s eyes. "but just a slice, i shouldn't impose."

eren bit back a retort, choosing instead to lead the way to the kitchen. he motions for the two of you to take a seat at the dining table while he cuts a generous portion for each of you. it's silent until he comes back.

“here you go, sir,” eren says, handing him a plate with a warm smile. 

“ ‘preciate you.” 

eren nods formally, leaning against the counter, observing the interaction between you and your father with a mix of curiosity and caution. 

“how’ve you been? i know last time i saw you, you were attending therapy. is that going well?” you ask. 

“it’s been . . difficult," pastor kain admitted, his voice cracking slightly as he set his fork down. he rubbed the back of his neck, a sign of discomfort or perhaps guilt. "losing your mother was a blow, and then dealing with your decision to . . leave home. .” 

he trailed off, gaze drifting to you before returning to meet eren’s eyes. there was a depth of sorrow in his eyes that he hadn't seen before, and for a moment, eren almost felt sorry for the man. the topic of your mother is still hard for you, eren coming over to sit beside you to entwine his fingers with yours to give you comfort. 

“i miss her every day," pastor kain continued, his voice barely above a whisper. your heart aches to hear your father's admission, and you reach out instinctively to lay a comforting hand on his. despite your differences, you know the pain of losing your mother is something you share deeply.

"i miss her too, daddy," you say softly, voice thick with emotion. "every single day. but, she would want us all to be happy, and live life to the fullest. she told me so after . . everything.” 

the thought of the altercation makes you all shift uncomfortably, hating that night. “we both care about you very much. i know things haven't always been easy between us, but . . i hope we can find a way to mend those bridges."

“that’s another thing i’ve been discussing with my therapist,” he sighs. “we talk about that night often, and somehow it still stirs something . . awful in me. though time has passed, i still don't approve of you disappearing with this man while giving me the short end of the stick with only minimal check-ins."

that makes eren flinch, feeling a sting of defensiveness rise within him. clenching his jaw, he stares intently at your father. just waiting for him to really try it. at this point in time, he gave no fucks about respect. eren knows you can stand up for yourself, but he won’t hesitate to set him straight. 

"leaving wasn't easy for me, you know that, as i’ve said before. i loved mom so much, and i didn't want to abandon you. but i also needed to follow my heart and build a life with someone who accepts me for who i am. you’re still upset about us eloping, alright. but that doesn't mean our love is any less real. i mean, of all days, you really chose to do this today?” 

“i’m not saying your love isn’t real,” pastor kain said, his tone softening slightly as he realized he was already upsetting you. it’s something he’s trying to work on. he sighed heavily, running a hand through his gray hair. “i just miss my little girl. the one who used to sit on my lap during sermons, who helped me prepare for sunday mornings. you grew up too fast, baby girl. left me behind. for this man i barely know.” 

your heart clenches at the raw emotion in your father's voice, and you feel tears pricking at the corners of your eyes, getting irritated by your sensitivity. his words still sting, a painful reminder of the distance that has grown between you over the years. eren doesn’t appreciate the way he’s making you feel, easily getting triggered. 

“forgive me for intruding, but i don’t appreciate the disrespect you have towards me or my wife.” eren budges in, his intervention catching you off guard. you face him with wide eyes, silently urging him to tread carefully. while you appreciate his protectiveness, you don't want him to further alienate your father.

"it’s okay, eren," you murmur, placing a calming hand on his chest. he looks at you, his expression unreadable for a moment before crossing his arms over his broad chest.

“no, it’s not okay, ꒰♡꒱,” eren stops you. “i've grown tired of being disrespected 'n judged based on your father's misconceptions of me. you don’t know me because you haven’t tried to get to.” 

a challenge simmers in the dark depths of his eyes as he stares at your father.  “if you truly care about your daughter's happiness, then you should be supporting her choices, not tryin’ to tear them down with your outdated beliefs.”

“with all do respect, eren, she’s still my daughter.”

“actually, no,” eren jumps back in, his jaw clenching, a hint of steel underlying his words. “this is my wife, and this is our house. if you choose not to respect it then you can kindly see yourself outta that door. i don’t understand your mindset when it comes to knockin’ down your daughter's happiness, nor do i understand holdin’ me accountable for shit i did as a stupid kid.”

“that doesn't change the fact that you stole my daughter from me and married her outside of her faith. it goes against everything I've taught her. and you aren't even a christian, it’s not according to god’s plan."

“where is this even coming from?” you scrunch up your face in disgust, eyes piercing at him. “why are you still being like this after all these years?” 

“i’m not tryin’ to cause an argument. i talked to god and realized i should come forward with issues that are bothering me, and find solace. and that’s what i’m doin’.” 

“by still hurting me?” 

“i’ll say it again,” eren cuts back in. “she’s my wife. put aside your religious beliefs and respect that as a man,” eren scoffs. “we may not have married under oath, but it happened. so deal with it.” 

“i would respect you a lot more if you gave my daughter the proper marriage with her family. especially after her mother died. maybe i’d forgive all your other sins. this goes against her family’s unity,” pastor kain snarls. 

“dad, enough,” your eyes squeeze tight. he’s ruining your day. “this is getting out of hand now. .” 

eren pinches the bridge of his nose, ready to swing at this point. "pastor kain, i understand that my past mistakes have given you a reason to doubt me. but i'm not that same reckless kid anymore, clearly. i've worked hard to build this home for us ‘n keep it. everything i’ve done from the moment i met her to now, has been for her. so here’s what’s gon’ happen. you either start respecting your daughter’s choices and accepting me as part of this family, or you can kindly remove yourself from her life. because i won’t tolerate disrespect towards her, especially not in my home.”

as eren speaks, you instinctively reach out and intertwine your fingers with his, feeling the warmth and solidity of his touch. pastor kain’s expression remains stoic, but you sense a crack in the armor of his rigid beliefs. perhaps, just perhaps, eren’s sincerity and your own steadfastness are beginning to chip away at the walls of resistance. 

“and if you can’t accept me, then maybe it’s time for you to reexamine your own faith and values. because the way you’re treating your daughter, i wouldn’t say it’s christian of you at all. so i implore you, for her sake, let go of your preconceived notions.” 

the air goes quiet for a while, eren staring at your father blankly while you gather your thoughts and caress his hand. it doesn’t take long for your father to push back his chair, the wood slightly scraping the floor as he rises up. 

“i apologize, to both of you. truly,” he swallows, bowing his head. “i’ve made plenty of mistakes i’m not proud of. the biggest one running my daughter away from home. i am trying to do better, i am. my old habits seep out unexpectedly. i think deep down my blessings were always with you two, i just have selfish tendencies. i am deeply sorry, eren.” 

eren isn’t sure if this is a facade, or if the man is being genuine. his lips are pressed into a straight line, nodding once but having no more words. he’d accept it, but the matter of if he was willing to change and show proof remained. 

“right,” he smiles weakly. “and i'm sorry to you, ꒰♡꒱. i’ve never meant to hurt you, granted i have many times. i will continue to repent for my sins. and i hope one day you can forgive me. i will let you two enjoy the rest of your day, i'm sorry to intrude.” 

pastor kain gives one more smile to you both before turning his back away and heading towards the front door. you’re frozen in your spot, your heart telling you to bring him back because it wasn’t safe. 

“we can’t let him go,” you turn to eren, anxiousness written all over your face. “eren, it’s really dangerous out there. what if something happens to him?” 

eren sighs, leaning in to kiss your forehead before standing to follow behind him. his hand is on the nozzle of the door before eren’s speaking up, clearing his throat to rid the still pent up animosity. 

“you can stay the night. i won’t let you travel in that storm.” 

pastor kain breathed in. “no, no. it’s completely fine. i’ve already overstayed my wel—”

“i insist,” eren finalizes, blinking slowly. “꒰♡꒱ will lose her shit if you drivin’ in that. you know she’s terrified of storms.” 

a few minutes pass and your father sits on the living room couch with eren making conversation, surprisingly. you can tell your father is trying to get to know him, and being respectful. you zone out for the most part, this day feeling long and getting to you. you decide to fix him a plate of leftover food you had and making everyone hot chocolate to ease the stress. it’s getting extremely late now, almost near midnight and your father grows tired. 

“we can take the sofa. you head upstairs and get comfortable,” you smile at your father, eren glaring down at you as you hook your arm with his.

eren’s jaw tightens slightly at the suggestion, but he quickly masks his irritation with a polite smile. he knows it's the right thing to offer your father the bed, despite his own desires to share a more intimate space with you. the house was built specifically for both of your comfortability since the two of you had long decided kids weren’t for you, being satisfied without. 

"that’s very kind of you, darlin’," eren says, his voice smooth and measured. “i think your father will appreciate that, huh?” 

“mhm hmm,” you nod sheepishly. “there are clean towels and washcloths in the closet by the bathroom. we’ll be down here if you need anything.” 

“think i’ll manage, baby girl. thank you.” 

your father gives you a sweet hug and a delicate forehead kiss before smiling at eren and giving him a handshake. “thank you.” 

“no problem.” 

eren sighs deeply once he’s fully upstairs, grumbling, ‘gotta take a piss’ before he’s heading to the second bathroom around the hall. you gather extra blankets from the coat closet, cutting off the lights while snuggling into the pillow soft couch watching adult cartoons. it’s been a hell of a day, and you wanted nothing more than to ignore the horrible weather outside and sleep next to your man. the white noise of the staticky television nearly has you drifting off to sleep, that is until thirty minutes later you’re woken up by eren sliding next to you.  

as the two of you settle in for the night, eren pulls you close on the cloud white couch, his strong arms enveloping you in a comforting embrace. despite the less-than-ideal circumstances, he whispers softly into your ear, “you alright, sweetheart?” 

you can smell the body wash on his skin, his hair pulled back into a bun as he kisses your cheek and hums, bear hugging you. sighing deeply, you nuzzle your face into his neck, trying to block out the raging rain outside that’s stressing you out on top of current events. “i’m okay. today was really a lot. i’m sorry about that.” 

eren furrows his brows. “now you know you shouldn’t be apologizing for him. he can’t control himself, n’ that’s not your priority. i meant what i said by protecting you from any n’ everybody that brings you negativity. i’m not with that. he needs to respect you, especially in this house.” 

“as well as you,” you bat your lashes up at him, rubbing his chin. “i hate that he talked to you like that. after all this time, i thought he’d change. i knew deep down he still felt some way since he never brings you up when i visit. doesn’t ask me about us . . nothing. i guess it’s a start that he apologized? and made conversation? but to come here saying you w’na check on me, then proceed to disrespect us?” 

eren sighs. “unfortunately, you can’t ever fully change a person. i’ll take the apology, but it’s g’na take a lot more than that for me to even consider him a father in law.” 

you stare longingly at his face. “i am grateful that you stood your ground and protected us. that’s very attractive.” 

eren grins. “you’re my wife, ꒰♡꒱. forever. ima always make sure you come first.” 

graciously, you smile, leaning in to give him a chaste kiss on the lips. “thank you, baby. truly. you’ve been the most beautiful, kindest, loving person in my life. i love that you protect me, take care of me, provide and support me. i love you dearly.” 

“of course, baby. i love you too,” he replies, smudging his nose against yours. “my sweetheart. you mean everything to me. you saved me.” 

“stop,” you frown. “you’re gonna make me cry. yuck.” 

eren nudges his knuckles against your chin with a click of his tongue. “cut that. you’re a strong girl.” 

you hum, turning your head to look outside the window that faces the garden out back, the rain pouring heavier; clouds completely gray in the midnight. it was terrifying, especially hearing the wind beat against the shutters. you squeeze eren closer to you, your nerves getting to you more, goosebumps on your arms. 

“what a helluva anniversary, huh?” eren speaks to distract you, leveling his face over yours to block your view of the outside. you smile at him, knowing he was aware of your fear. 

you tsk, rolling your eyes. “man, from this scary ass weather, to my father’s bullshit . . i’m over it.” 

“hm, over it? already?”

you pucker your lips questionably. “yeah?” 

“it’s not over,” his voice barely becomes a whisper as he leans into you more, lips pressing against yours deeply. 

“eren, i really want to, but we can’t. my dad's upstairs,” you giggle, pushing your face away only for him to grab you and pull you closer to his chest, throwing your left leg over his waist. 

“i don’t care. fuck me.” 

you gasp with a laugh, eyes bulging when you feel his dick hard and heavy on your thigh. “mister yeager, are you naked?” 

“had no choice. my drawls upstairs and i ain’t puttin’ the dirty ones back on.” 

“only ‘cause you wanna touch my coochie,” you laugh, gasping when his fingers begin tugging at your shorts, ass almost slipping out while the rest of his fingers delicately brush along your clothed clit. “w-wait. what if he hears. that’s g’na be so embarrassing.” 

“ain’t he a heavy sleeper?” 

“well, yeah, but—”

“guess you’ll have to train yourself to keep quiet,” he smooches your cheek, smacking your ass hard to tease you, and you lose immediately, moaning loud. he chuckles, your thighs parting to welcome him, mouth agape from the warmth his palms bring, igniting your skin. the blood rushes through you as heat encases your face the instant his hand wraps around your throat, bringing your face closer. 

"didn’t get to finish touchin’ you earlier,” eren breathes heavily, his nose pressing against your neck as his lips glide to your collarbone. “it pissed me off."

“m-me too,” you whine when his thick tongue aggressively licks at your collarbone, a kiss following suit and continuing all over your neck.

"your pussy felt so good on my fingers," eren's hands massage over your thighs, purposely avoiding where you need him most. fingers swallowing the thickness of your thighs and the plush of your ass, smacking to get another reaction out of you. 

"you're teasing," you whimper, rolling your head back while your eyes scroll. “fuck, you know how wet that makes me”. 

" ‘fuckin ‘course i do,” his breath hitches again, moving his face to the other side of your neck, your hand gripping his bicep while grinding your hips to inch closer to his fingers. he tastes your skin again, and it’s lewd, and loud. knowing how sensitive you were there, any intimate sound setting you off.

"stop. teasing." 

eren’s pulling the blankets back, dragging you to stand up and firmly pressing your backside to his chest, just like the position he had you in earlier. staring down at you, he admires the deep red of the set you wore for him. it complements your brown skin perfectly, drawing attention to the fullness of your breasts and the swell of your hips. your thick, curly hair tumbling down your back in soft waves, framing your heart-shaped face and accentuating your plump, inviting lips. he pulls the bloomers completely off, your painted toes stepping out of them, twitching from any touch he gives you. 

“you’re so perfect,” eren whispers, guiding your head back to lie on his chest so you can look up at him, his mouth enclosing around yours to kiss you upside down. his chin holding you still. “you turn me on so bad.”

you bite your lip, looking up at him with hooded eyes as he holds you in place, a strong arm wrapped around you to keep you pinned to his firm chest. the heat of his skin seeps into yours, igniting a fresh spark of desire within you. you can feel his dick pressed against your lower back, evidence of how much he wants you. you shift slightly, grinding yourself subtly back in a silent invitation. your nipples harden under the sheer fabric of the bralette when his hand comes to play with them, straining towards his touch. you part your lips, letting him deepen the kiss as his tongue dances with yours. the taste of you mingles together, a heady aphrodisiac that makes you crave more. you moan softly into his mouth, surrendering yourself completely to the moment and to him.

turning slightly to the side, you detach your lips to spit into your hand, kissing him again as you stroke his dick beside your thigh, his hands embedded into your hips. his dark brows knit, your hand twisting to his liking as he holds your entire face with both hands, groaning low while brushing his lips amongst your own. his teeth go to pull down the strap of your top, latching his mouth onto the skin of your soft tits, jaw widening to suck on the flesh with tenacity.

"can't get over how good this looks on you," eren hums, keeping the other strap on your shoulder for appearance. he spanks your ass again, and you stand up straighter, turning to face him.

“you really like it?” you ask shyly.

his gaze roams over your body with undisguised hunger. “baby, i fuckin’ love it."

it makes your face hotter, slowly twisting in your spot to try to keep your composure. you hated when you felt intimidated by him as if he was some sort of stranger. 

“don’t get shy on me now,” he noticed instantly, cupping your chin before kissing you. “show me that bad girl i know.” 

a coy smile twitches at your lips, eren urging you to hurry with a hand smoothing onto the top of your head as you lower to your knees. he grips your hair dominantly, forcing you to keep your eyes on his. the sight is undeniably godly. he looks almost worn out, shoulders hunched under the weight of a long day's labor, and the marital instinct inside of you wants to make him feel better. his dark hair is mussed, easily falling from the hair tie wrapped in the follicles. there's a rugged attractiveness to his features; the strong jawline, the piercing gaze, the hint of stubble along his chin, the desire in his eyes. scattered across eren’s right arm and neck is a plethora of dark ink, artistically gothic, straight out of a fantasy novel. none of his tattoos had deep meanings. he liked what he wanted and that was all, using his skin strictly as an artist’s canvas. the only one that meant a lot to him was your name tatted across his wrist. 

"tell me to open my mouth." 

eren grunts, your sudden lead stirring something within his abdomen. usually, he’s the one telling you what to do. "open your mouth. now." 

your lips part, obeying without hesitation. "stick your fingers in." 

eren lays two fingers on your soft tongue, slowly stroking until he’s reaching the back of your throat to build up more saliva. you moan in approval, eyes watering but still maintaining eye contact. eren’s brows are knitted, dick hanging from the weight of it. he’s bending forward, spitting on your tongue and prepping your mouth, groaning gravely. you pull your mouth back from his fingers, salvia dripping down your chin. 

“you always do that,” he chuckles, the roughness of it making you squeeze your thighs. 

“ ‘cause you’re nasty,” you smirk, rolling your eyes. eren playfully does the same. “take my head and put my mouth where you want it." 

“fuck, you’re so good at that,” eren comments, gripping your chin to give you a chaste kiss. “talkin’ so pretty.” 

he keeps a firm hold on your scalp, curls tangled within his rough hands as he steadily guides you toward his dick, eyeing you darkly, back slightly bent so he can catch the view of your nose touching his stomach. you make sure to keep your eyes attached to his, dying to watch him submerge into ecstasy. he enjoys the control he has over you. you gag around him, and when he whimpers from the sensation, you can't help but grind in your position, the neediness itching at you. trailing your dominant hand between your thighs, you use two of your fingers to spread your lower lips apart to collect your juices before sinking them into your soaked opening. 

"oh my god," he notices instantly, choking on a moan as your nails dug into his thigh, moaning around him. he's breathing heavily, your teary eyes the trigger. pressure builds inside him now. he evokes a low growl, and his pace picks up even more, and so do your fingers. shifting your hips quicker. “i’m so proud of you, mama. you doin’ me so fuckin’ good right now.” 

eren loses himself in the raw act of claiming your mouth, each brutal thrust forces a corresponding squelch from your stuffed lips, saliva and precum mingling in a lewd display of submission. you continue sucking, your moans vibrating around his shaft as you fuck yourself open for him, juices flowing freely down your thighs. eren's thrusts become more urgent, his grasp on your hair tightening.

“fuck, baby gimme your throat," he whispers, his hips driving forward aggressively. “take it real deep.” 

with a deep thrust, eren hits the back of your throat and holds it there, the pressure building at the base of his dick. your eyes water, tears streaming down your cheeks as you hold your breath, never breaking eye contact, silently urging him on. your eyes roll back, overwhelmed by the sheer size of eren's dick fucking your throat. you gag as he fucks your face steadily with his head tossed back, and through it all, you find yourself getting wetter at the depravity of it all. eren's neediness is arousing, his hips rocking into your mouth with so much lust. you can feel his balls slapping against your chin with each thrust, the sound echoing obscenely in the almost quiet room. the tv luckily drowned out most sounds. suddenly, eren's entire dick pulses and throbs within your throat, hot jets of cum erupting directly onto your tongue. you swallow, like he likes, gulping down every drop as he rides out his orgasm, finally stilling to catch his breath.

“fuck,” he wheezed, hips jerking as he carefully pulls his toned hips back to let you breathe, dick twitching and jumping, still hard and needing more. groaning when you kiss the tip and after, his happy trail. “that felt too good, sweetheart. c’mere.” 

eren’s gaze locks onto your face, drinking in the sight of your gratified expression as he picks you up, sitting you on the couch as he lowers his head between your thighs. your knees are hiked up to your chest, your thumb hanging on the corner of your mouth as you stare down at him in bliss. his brain rewires every time he sees her; puffy, warm, and soaking just for him. the anklet you have shimmers as you chew at your thumb and gyrate your hips, waiting for him to touch you with a pleading whine. 

he slides two fingers knuckle-deep into your dripping pussy, pumping them carefully as he lowers his face to suckle your clit into his mouth. your quiet moans and cries spur him on, your hand going atop his head to guide him as he eats you out. your hips buck against his face, your body trembling beneath him, back arched and toes curled as he devours you. he's relentless, tongue flattening across your clit as he moves his head to apply pressure, lips kissing and swallowing your clit while his fingers twist and fuck into you. you're panting now, fingers tangled in his hair, tugging him closer while your face screws up in pleasure, hating that you couldn’t scream the way you wanted. 

"mmm, look at that pussy, baby. look,” eren’s grabbing the back of your neck to connect your forehead with his, forcing your gaze to look at the way his fingers move inside of you, soft tummy molding. “fuckk, she’s so sweet. clenching too tight. give her t’me. make it easy.” 

sobbing, you nod your head against his, covering your mouth to muffle your moans as tears well. he curls his fingers just right, hitting that elusive spot far inside that makes your toes curl. grunting, he lowers his face back, burying it into your cunt feeling the scruff of his facial hair creating delicious friction against your sensitive skin. he’s opening and encasing his lips around your clit in iterations, sucking and licking hard, spanking your outer thigh while slicking his face up and down, your wetness lewdly known. 

“ooo, f-fuckk, ba—by, agh!” the pressure builds, coiling tighter in your belly until you can't hold back anymore. you cry out, fisting at his hair and the fabric of the couch as you roll your hips harder on his mouth.

“you’re making such a mess, girl,” he talks against your pussy, swallowing down every drop you give him. spanking you repetitively, the act and vibration causing your thighs to clamp around his ears as your orgasm crashes over you. pleasure rippling through your body, your juices flooding eren's mouth as he laps at you greedily, prolonging your bliss.

the shivers come from every part of you, your legs, your arms, and the breath on your lips. wanting to cry from how good it felt along with the frustration of not being able to scream. eren comes up to kiss you, muttering ‘go ‘head’ to let you scream into his mouth, grunting and moaning altogether from the intensity. your legs unable to stop shaking. he’s giving you open mouth kisses, your sounds stirring something sinister within his dick as you suck on his tongue, tasting yourself and groping at his waist to bring him closer to you. 

“atta girl,” he pecks your lips one more time before pulling you to stand again. 

eren turns you around, bending you forward as your thighs press tight together, holding your body up by your forearms pulled back. your upper body hangs, tits threatening to spill from your bralette. eren’s hair is long in his face now, positioning his hips so his dick can slide easily into you without the extra support. a low groan rumbles in his throat when his wish is granted, and you take him full. a ring of white shadowing around his dick with your cream, breathlessly whispering ‘yeah, fuck’ under his breath. feeling his dick makes you whine, shifting your ass back, greedy for more. this feeling never gets old. 

“fuck, yes. squeeze me just like that,” he rasps, pulling nearly all the way out before snapping his hips forward. you gasp from his roughness, tilting your pelvis to take him fully. the tightness making eren blow a raspberry before throwing his head back. “goddamn, mama.” 

“p-please,” you beg, moving your ass back as much as you could, not having much power over strength at the moment. “need it, baby. fuck me.” 

there was no need for that since he already had the intention of fucking you numb. shifting hips waist, he's rolling into you with ease, your ass clapping back onto his abdomen as he lets out a disgruntled noise that's loud enough to wake the entire house. you squeak, his thrusts rough and steady, fucking you good while keeping you still. heaving, your body falls back into his weakly, having no control over how he wants to use you. thighs adding pressure onto your clit as you mindlessly bounce back on his dick that's splitting you open.

"b-baby. . . too loud," a small panic drawls out, leveling your head to avoid blood rushing to it. eren scoffs, slowing himself momentarily to bring his face by yours.

“i don’t give a fuck, this my house,” he rasps, trailing open-mouthed kisses along the column of your jawline. “do you want me to make you cum or not?” 

he assumed you crying was the answer, responding with ‘mhm’ as a ‘that’s what i thought’.  his dick twitches inside of you, eren doing his best to keep his composure, but you make it nearly impossible. he's pistoning in and out, watching you coat his dick sweetly, voice laced with lust as you spasm around him and cum unexpectedly. he groans while listening to your cries that ripple brokenly, pounding depravedly as pleasure courses through both your veins.

“it feel good cummin’ on my dick?” 

“yess, ‘ren. c-can’t stop cummin’, baby.” 

“gimme some more.” 

you bite your lip hard to stifle the scream threatening to spill, fingers curling into fists as you fight to maintain restraint. sweat beads on your brow from the exertion of keeping yourself still and silent under his relentless onslaught. the coil of tension in your core winds tighter and tighter, orgasm just out of reach. just when you think you can't hold back any longer, eren shifts slightly, changing the angle of his thrusts. now, the head of his dick is kissing that sweet spot within you with every mean, intended stroke. a strangled gasp escapes you unbidden as that warm feeling bursts once more, convulsing helplessly in his hold, muscles clenching wildly around his dick as you struggle to muffle your cries behind clenched teeth. your hand pushes at his waist as a signal for some form of relief, moving your body forward. 

“where you goin’,” eren’s yanking you back the moment you try to escape, locking your wrists in his one hand, the other gripping your waist to continue fucking you back onto him. 

“erenn,” your voice cracks, your vision blurring from the intensity. a hiccup falls, your head hanging low as he grounds his dick all up in you. you hear yourself squelch, his sharp hips interacting with the softness of your ass that recoils back. your hands struggle in his hold, crying at the deadlock. but it felt so, so damn good. “f-fuck you. oh my god, fuck you, baby.” 

eren tongues his inner cheek with a snarky chuckle. “that just makes me w’na fuck you harder.”  

the stamina he has gives you a headache sometimes, unknowing of when you end up flat on your stomach lying on the sectional part of the sofa. eren notches the head of his dick between your folds to gather more of your slick before sinking back in, sheathing himself entirely, balls flattening on the curve of your ass. the solid warmth of his body blanketing yours, wrapping his bicep around your neck while he grabs onto the armrest before you two, rolling his hips and dropping his dick into you. 

“no one’s ever g’na do the shit i do to you,” he sloppily french kisses behind your ear, voice growing weak, panting heavier.

“mhm mm,” you agree without words, breaking out to follow the rhythm of his hips.

“your so pretty. say it. tell me you're my pretty girl.” 

tears prick at the corners of your eyes, face flushed, and arousal coiling hot and heavy in your belly, responding greedily to his every action. 

"i’m your pretty girl,” you gasp weakly, voice barely audible. your nails dig into the cushion as you writhe helplessly, full with his heavy dick and held immobile by his superior strength. every ruthless drive of his hips forces the air from your lungs, making you feel floaty.

a choked sob escapes him as he sinks everything into you, your fingers clawing frantically at the upholstery. you try to bury your face in the cushions to muffle your noises as he splits you open, each powerful thrust getting a singular sound from you, but eren had other plans. his big hand covers your mouth, continuously french kissing your neck as he grunts by your ear and rambles the filthiest things. your body does what it’s trained to; react. you cry in his palm, pussy fluttering around him as you cum for what seems like the tenth time, squeezing his dick like a vise. trembling violently beneath him and it takes every ounce of self-control he possesses not to let loose the feral growl building in his throat, knowing it would alert your father of your illicit activities. instead, he grits his teeth and redoubles his efforts, fucking into you his hardest to pursue his own release.

“eren,” even in your lightheaded state you begin to worry. his skin clashing obscenely loud with yours makes it hard for you not to scream after every nasty pound. you can feel him in your stomach, eyes rolling back into your skull as your mouth drops open, gasping in fragments.

“shut that shit up, ꒰♡꒱.” 

whining pathetically, you let him use you as he pleases simply ‘cause there’s no room for bickering. all coherent thoughts flee, leaving only primal instinct and the desperate need for release. with a muffled grunt, he buries himself to the hilt and cums inside you, his grip on your hip tightening almost painfully as he thrusts out every hot drop, shuddering while grinding against your ass to prolong the sensations.

"holy fuck," his voice cracks, rumbling as he hits your ass again and again.

eren slumps heavily atop you, both of you panting and twitching in the aftermath. he rolls to the side, pulling you with him so you're draped across his chest rather than crushed beneath his weight. one large hand strokes lazily up and down your spine as the other tangles in your wild curls, holding you close as he tries to catch his breath.

"you did so well, love," he praises softly, pressing a kiss to the crown of your head and rubbing on you soothingly.  "you're a good girl, i love you so much.”

his voice is warm and approving, filled with the kind of affection that makes your heart swell with happiness. in this moment, cocooned in his strong arms and basking in the afterglow, nothing else matters. this anniversary was just one of many. you were worn out, drifting off to sleep without responding, but he knew you felt the same. eren managed to clean you up in your sleep, dressing you with his hoodie again and snuggling under the warm blankets for the rest of the night.

the following morning, you awake to the smell of brewed coffee and pancakes. wiping your eyes and yawning as you make your way towards the brightly lit kitchen, needing to soak in the bath since you can barely walk. finding your father and eren cooking together while listening to the radio broadcasts. it was the most shocking sight seeing them bond. your father flipping buttery flapjacks and your husband fixing the garbage disposal since something got caught in it. your heart blossomed nonetheless, thinking that this is all you wanted all along. this was the best gift. 

© 𝑠𝑡4𝑟𝑏𝑤𝑟𝑟𝑦 . all rights reserved. please do not repost, steal, or modify my work simply because it is mine. stealing isn't cute. i'll ruin your life.♡

[doyoulikethissong-poll]

Beethoven - Symphony No. 5 1808

The Symphony No. 5 in C minor, Op. 67, also known as the Fate Symphony, is a symphony composed by Ludwig van Beethoven between 1804 and 1808. It is one of the best-known compositions in classical music and one of the most frequently played symphonies, and it is widely considered one of the cornerstones of western music. First performed in Vienna's Theater an der Wien in 1808, the work achieved its prodigious reputation soon afterward. E. T. A. Hoffmann described the symphony as "one of the most important works of the time". As is typical of symphonies during the Classical period, Beethoven's Fifth Symphony has four movements. It begins with a distinctive four-note "short-short-short-long" motif, often characterized as "fate knocking at the door", the Schicksals-Motiv (fate motif). The symphony, and the four-note opening motif in particular, are known worldwide, with the motif appearing frequently in popular culture, from disco versions to rock and roll covers, to uses in film and television.

The Fifth Symphony had a long development process, as Beethoven worked out the musical ideas for the work. The first "sketches" date from 1804 following the completion of the Third Symphony. It finally premiered in 22 December 1808 at a mammoth concert at the Theater an der Wien in Vienna consisting entirely of Beethoven premieres, and directed by Beethoven himself on the conductor's podium. The concert lasted for more than four hours. The two symphonies appeared on the programme in reverse order: the Sixth was played first, and the Fifth appeared in the second half.

There was little critical response to the premiere performance, which took place under adverse conditions. The orchestra did not play well - with only one rehearsal before the concert - and at one point, following a mistake by one of the performers in the Choral Fantasy, Beethoven had to stop the music and start again. The auditorium was extremely cold and the audience was exhausted by the length of the programme. However, a year and a half later, publication of the score resulted in a rapturous unsigned review (actually by music critic E. T. A. Hoffmann) in the Allgemeine musikalische Zeitung. Apart from the extravagant praise, Hoffmann devoted by far the largest part of his review to a detailed analysis of the symphony, in order to show his readers the devices Beethoven used to arouse particular affects in the listener.

Beethoven was in his mid-thirties during this time; his personal life was troubled by increasing deafness. In the world at large, the period was marked by the Napoleonic Wars, political turmoil in Austria, and the occupation of Vienna by Napoleon's troops in 1805. The symphony was written at his lodgings at the Pasqualati House in Vienna.

Symphony No. 5 received a total of 94,6% yes votes!

[azure-cherie]

PAC : Who of the nine Greek muses do you embody ? A message from the muse

➪Pile : 1-2-3 ☟︎︎︎ 4-5-6 ☟︎︎︎ 7-8-9

Hii loves how have you been , I'm back again with a reading, I hope you enjoy this please choose with your intuition and take what resonates , Reblogs, comments feedbacks everything is highly appreciated ❤️

If you liked this and would like to book or would want a bigger reading on the same topic :

Masterlist , paid readings , paid readings 2

Pile 1 :

Muse of music and lyric poetry

Channelled messages: " let go of societal restraints " , " paint the canvas of your life , write a poem about a wall " , " often see yourself as an ancient women of honour " , " feed the doves "

She comes forth to tell you about your potential how you're a very meditative being , you are so good at chanelling and you should do it more often , ask her to be your guide and write down all that comes through to you flow in your thinking and the ideas that come forth

Lean more into the devotional aspect of your life , see everything with the vibration of love. The trees the humans the animals , devote more into self love and worship the gods you already do .

Learn the right way to connect to the moon , you're in your journey and this is one of the crucial times , you're almost at the end of a karmic cycle stay stiff and strong

Don't get into arguments , if you do have mishaps with someone , lean into releasing the anger through creating music or producing tunes .

Take practical approaches to life , if someone says no to you do the thing on your own , your guides are always taking care of you .

Pile 2 :

Muse of dance and choral poetry .

Channelled messages : " learn about the folk music and dances where you stay " , " when in the blues play the beats " , " give more to the society in forms of art " , " start the YouTube channel"

Your devotion towards your deity or your guides is really admirable and that is something that's one of your best qualities people online or in person admire your liking towards a deity you inspire them .

The calmness of mind that can be attained through yoga is something she wants you to do , imagine a blue beam of light when you meditate , she tells you to connect to your primordial life form your soul .

Know about the necessary sacrifices one has to do in their life , your sacrifices now will bring you rewards later , don't fall for instant gratification

Abundance is soon to come in your life but work on cultivating a sense of detachment towards money , obsession ruins everything.

There might me a rock bottom moment in your life soon , she asks you to remain in your path as a human and as a soul take the lessons and move on soon you will alchemize your pain into passion and glory . You transform everything you're a becon of light .

Pile 3 :

Muse of hymns and sacred poetry

Channelled messages : " Levitate " , " dream big " , " nice downtown tshirt " , " the life that one has is a sum and minus of that they do "

If you're interested in writing do it , there might be an opportunity approaching you soon in this sector , though there's a warning about a setback if you don't take the opportunity at the right time don't worry you'll do great believe in the power of wishes.

You might rekindle a childhood bond on the basis of liking of movies or songs .

Business sector might have new opportunities your fortune is about to change you're gonna have the power to do what you want in your life because you're the creator of it , your destiny is now on hold make the best use of free will.

Connect more to the oceans and moon , fireflies etc , be in nature more and stay grounded .

Honour your soul by serving the temple you're in your own body , take care of your body give it ample rest and food .

Pile 4 :

Muse of tragedy

Channelled messages : " Dwelling on past has no rewards " , " crazy is as good as the sane" , " time flowes and glows and you grow "

Don't choose a hard life away from your desires because you're scared of disappointing people your path is enlightened more as you connect more to yourself .

Give into dark feminine energy and live in your truth , if you remain often confused or scared work on your root chakra .

Connect more to your guides through paintings and leave offerings of metal , feathers , corn etc

It's time to finally shine you're going from the hermit to an influencer you're gonna be famous it might start small but it will build up .

Keep away from external influences that stop your growth drop bad friends and family .

Pile 5 :

Muse of love poetry

Channelled messages: eat healthy and enriching foods , read about the love you already behold , the depths of see are beautiful and so is your heart of depth.

Abundance in the sector of love is coming soon you're gonna make the haters jealous , might even win a pagent or competition.

You might have felt Beauty is your curse but life's gonna show you how it's not you're gonna be so hight so uplifted I see you shining like a star

One has to prepare for glory start by saying affirmations and working on your third eye and root chakra .

Read more about lovers from mythology like Persephone Hades , Aphrodite ares , Radha Krishna etc

The boons served by the goddess are yours to keep and no one can question that , you're being divinely blessed and you'll be happy and dancing soon .

Pile 6 :

Muse of comedy and Idyllic poetry

Chanelled messages: Search for the small joys, poppies , these boots are meant for walking , spring equinox fairy

There's a confirmation in case you wanna go for the acting sector , this sector will require a lot of hardwork .

There's also a warning regarding someone in your job your boss or your guru they might take credit for some assignment you did beware and if possible say no because that thing might get your superior a promotion

You are to search bliss in satisfaction about what you already have the moon is to be admired by you the power to be soked it , are you ready for the full moon .

You're intelligent and people really admire you for that , gemini energy.

Move in your life in your true path of light don't be afraid or dim your light , your aura might have hints of white colour .

Pile 7:

Muse of epic poetry

Chanelled messages: Blow the bubbles up , get into kitchen witchery, Artemis , cry me a river

Don't give people the benefit of the doubt if you don't like someone let them go .

Fame is eminent in your energy, life coaches might help you , your aunt is giving you good guidence follow her .

Do your school projects and specially eat tangerine and other fruits that make you feel happy

Serve the world and create peace each small step is a long one in the collective , small things create big impact do your part and be sure of the effects .

Moon water energy and full moon is great for you to invite luxuries in your life , ground your root chakra and connect to your third eye your ancestors will be sending you messages.

Pile 8 :

Muse of astronomy

Chanelled messages: Fly me to the moon , peals and sandbox , honesty is the best policy , go go cheerleader

The first message for you is to balance all your chakras it's crazy my oracle deck pulled all chakra cards omg I feel like there soon will be a kundalini awakening for you

You're almost in your last stage of awakening get into the cosmic dance of life your life is about to change , abundance is coming

Hard message to get through but someone in your relationship might be cheating or there might be someone who has an eye on your partner and might try to frame them . Only for some people

Listen to your higher self write a letter to them

Your path from now on is of the hermit it might be lonely but it's worth it discoveries are on your way in fields of history, psychology, quantum mechanics etc.

Pile 9 :

Muse of history

Chanelled messages: 13 missed calls , glow up is loading , search in the Egyptian archives , glow and peach coloured cheeks

The number six is significant, also specifically for someone there's this person who is delaying your glow up by doing some nasty as spell , might be a close friend

You are ignoring some signs from the universe , they're coming again and again and you're ignoring it look into it closely , you're elevating in your consciousness.

Your energy levels are high and you're matching ahead in your journey setbacks are never the end the sheer power of desire iss enough to keep going .

You're slowly climbing the stairs of life to become confident and assertive you might even call upon a partner soon who is very sure about themselves.

You should plant more trees and learn about them about their origination etc , i specifically get about Tulsi and the lore behind it . Some others would be eucalyptus, basil and marigold.

Thank you so much for reading, I hope you enjoyed this

Have a great day/ night ♥️🌹

[diana-thyme]

Greek Gods 101: Terpsichore

Terpsichore is a Mousai of choral song and dancing. Excluding the universal offerings, some common offerings include:

Dance Shoes (Ballet Flats, Clogs, Etc.)

Depictions of Dancers

Choral Sheet Music

CDs or Vinyls of Choral Song

Dancing Clothing (Leotards, Gowns, Etc.)

CDs or Vinyls of Songs to Dance To

Video Tapes or Photos of People Dancing or Singing

For devotional acts, some activities that can be done for her include:

Attending a Choir Performance

Joining a Choir

Singing

Dancing

Taking Dance Lessons

Teaching Dance or Choir

Watching Dancing or Singing Shows

Learning About Famous Historical Dances

She is not celebrated in any Athenian holidays.

[astrologysaysno]

Let's make a oneshot of Idol Trainee Shang Qinghua singing Symphony. Why? Why Not?

For those who want to listen:

————————————————————

The Whales of the Rainbow Night were to have their annual homecoming tonight.

Legend says that they were descended from a sea god that granted the wish of a mourning fish who wished to see their beloved whose soul ascended into the heavens, and apologize for their tumultuous last moments together before they passed.

The sea god granted their wish, giving them the ability to fly on the rainbow shimmers that float across the sky, swimming through them to reach the barrier that separate the heavens and the earth.

Their lover stood at the edge, but were unable to touch. Unphased, the fish sang his love and devotion to his lover, their melody enchanting all those that could hear it till dawn when the lights in the sky would cease.

To make a wish on one of these creatures to the person you love the most and they will carry it on their back to them. Sing with them and gain their goodwill. If your talents prove to charm them, you most certainly will have your wishes fulfilled.

▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎

Shang Qinghua sits on the cold mat that was laying on the snow, excitedly waiting for midnight to strike.

It was rare for the Peak Lord to be given the time to rest at all, much less vacation. But for the days that he could, Shang Qinghua would most certainly cherish them.

Mobei-jun stands behind him in waiting, eyes concentrated towards the sky in hopes of something to suddenly appear. Like a leopard lying in wait for the moment, his king stands picturesque against the snowy field, navy blue robes that flow to the ground in elegant waterfalls of fabric akin to a watercolour portrait, his face a beacon against the twinkling dots of the night sky.

Mobei-jun sits behind Shang Qinghua, propping his most devoted's head as Airplaine gazed to the heavens above. He tucks a strand of hair behind Qinghua's ear as in a second, wisps of glimmering silver began to scatter across the canvas of the night.

"They will arrive at any moment" He states, eyes trained to look at Qinghua and only him, the feeling of something warm making itself known in his chest as he watches Qinghua look up, content to wait and to stargaze.

The colours intensify, silver brushes the black night with a mosaic of colours, reds, greens, and blues streaking the sky in momentary flashes that swirl with a sense of fluttering fancy.

Shang Qinghua stands up in joy as he sees it in the distance, the silhouettes that swim between the walls of light, their tails casting shadow as their presence is made known

"My King! Look, they've arrived," Shang Qinghua urged his king to look close at the incoming flock, a look on his face that made Mobei-jun pleased, solidifying his gratitude in choosing this moment to bring Qinghua to.

The sky sparkled as their bodies shimmered against the light in waves, coated in ethereal colors while they sand together, a choral harmony that was vaguely familiar to Airplane, as if he could still hear the sqeaking sound of rubber soles on hardwood and the feeling of expectations.

It takes a moment for recognition to click in his brain, but the moment he does, his eyes light up like he just learned the most pleasant secret, a special token given just for him.

A deep breath, a pause to get in time with the melody of the whales as they spoke their song, and began to sing.

"And now your song is on repeat, and I'm dancing on to your heartbeat"

He began to sing the song that got him the place at his old company, where he would spend years with dedication before becoming the hack author he was in his past life.

"And when you're gone, I'll be incomplete. So of you want the truth,"

Shang Qinghua took a deep breath, muscle memory from decades past as he flexed his vocal muscles instinctually, readying his voice for the climax.

"I just wanna be part of your Symphony! Will you hold me tight and not let go?"

"Symphony! Like a love song on the radio, will you hold me tight and not let go?"

His voice echoed throughout the vast landscape, memory tinged his voice the colour of the past as he gave his performance to no one but the dolphins in the sky and his king, who had been watching intently.

----------------------------------------

"Ah, ah, ah, a-ah, ah, ah, ah"

Mobei-jun watches as a faction splintered off from the main group, swimming downwards towards the duo, responding with a melody of their own

"Ah, ah, ah, a-ah, ah, ah, ah"

Like a command, the whales of the night call back, repeating the melody they sang as they begin to float above both him and Qinghua, gleefully spectating.

"And now your song is on repeat, and I'm dancing on to your heartbeat"

"And when you're gone, I'll be incomplete. So of you want the truth,"

A particularly shiny dolphin swam around the crowd to fly just behind Mobei-jun, their body slowly nudging his well-built frame towards Shang Qinghua, who was deep into his passionate performance and unnoticing of a pair doing the same thing, pulling the two closer and closer.

"I just wanna be part of your Symphony! Will you hold me tight and not let go?"

"Symphony! Like a love song on the radio,"

"Symphony! Will you hold me tight and not let go?"

Shang Qinghua feels a hand brush the stray curls on his forhead and looks up, more aware of his surroundings but still able to belt his way to the end of the song. He feels fingers interlock, cold against warm skin as he looks into his king's eyes, his words now more than just lyrics but a question.

"Symphony! Like a love song on the radio, will you hold me tight and not let go?"

The Whales of the Rainbow Night cheer, finishing their job and flying away, having accomplished another wish as Mobei-Jun wraps an arm around his lover's waist, pulling Shang Qinghua closer.

No words were spoken, but everything was said, and everything was answered.

===========================

The Lore:

1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5

[famousinuniverse]

Dances of India

Dance is an ancient and celebrated cultural tradition in India. Folk dances abound all across the country, and huge crowds of people can be found dancing at festivals and weddings. Dance and song features heavily in Indian cinema (so-called “Bollywood” films), too. But where does Indian dance draw its roots from? Here are six of the most important classical dance forms of India.

Classical Dances of India

Odissi

Dancer performing Indian classical odissi dance.

Odissi is indigenous to Orissa in eastern India. It is predominantly a dance for women, with postures that replicate those found in temple sculptures. Based on archaeological findings, odissi is belived to be the oldest of the surviving Indian classical dances. Odissi is a very complex and expressive dance, with over fifty mudras (symbolic hand gestures) commonly used.

Kuchipudi

Kuchipudi performance.

Unlike the other styles mentioned, kuchipudi requires talent in both dancing and singing. This dance, from the state of Andhra Pradesh in southeastern India, is highly ritualized, with a formalized song-and-dance introduction, sprinkling of holy water, and burning of incense, along with invocations of goddesses. Traditionally the dance was performed by men, even the female roles, although now it is predominantly performed by women.

Manipuri

Manipuri-style performance of Indian classical dance.

Manipuri comes from Manipur in northeastern India. It has its roots in that state’s folk traditions and rituals, and often depicts scenes from the life of the god Krishna. Unlike some of the other, more rhythmic dances, Manipuri is characterized by smooth and graceful movements. Female roles are especially fluid in the arms and hands, while male roles tend to have more forceful movements. The dance may be accompanied by narrative chanting and choral singing.

Kathak

Kathak school dancer, in Mughal costume, performing Indian classical dance.

A dance of northern India, Kathak is often a dance of love. It is performed by both men and women. The movements include intricate footwork accented by bells worn around the ankles and stylized gestures adapted from normal body language. It was originated by Kathakas, professional storytellers who used a mixture of dance, song, and drama. Like other Indian dances it began as a temple dance, but soon moved into the courts of ruling houses.

Kathakali

Kathakali dance

Kathakali comes from southwestern India, around the state of Kerala. Like bharatanatyam, kathakali is a religious dance. It draws inspiration from the Ramayana and stories from Shaiva traditions. Kathakali is traditionally performed by boys and men, even for female roles. The costumes and makeup are especially elaborate, with faces made to look like painted masks and enormous headdresses.

Bharatanatyam

Bharatanatyam performance

Bharatanatyam is a dance of Tamil Nadu in southern India. It traces its origins back to the Natyashastra, an ancient treatise on theatre written by the mythic priest Bharata. Originally a temple dance for women, bharatanatyam often is used to express Hindu religious stories and devotions. It was not commonly seen on the public stage until the 20th century. The dance movements are characterized by bent legs, while feet keep rhythm. Hands may be used in a series of mudras, or symbolic hand gestures, to tell a story.

6 Classical Dances of India | Britannica

[mask131]

The myth of Medea (3)

After this previous article about Medea by the Renaissance, I offer you another loose translation – of Michèle Dancourt’s article about « Medea in the European culture of the 20th century ».

It seems that, within the myth of the infanticide, Medea’s male counterpart is Herakles, who killed his wife and children under the illusion that he was sacrificing animals. Heiner Müller highlighted how Medea became one of the great figures of the 20th century and one of the symbols of the disasters that struck it, alongside Herakles. (Meanwhile the 19th century was more fascinated and devoted to the duo of Antigone and Prometheus). When he staged his work “Cement” in 1972, depicting the monstrous metamorphoses caused by the Russian revolution, Heiner Müller slid in both an “Herakles 2 or the Hydra”, and a “Medea-Commentary”, to better show the “war of the texts” around the character of the child-killer. He said: “Myths are a collective experience that repeats itself. We can make them variate up to infinity, just like dreams.” During the 20th century, Europe modulates the figure of Medea, reinvented from the texts of Euripides and Seneca, in the theater, in the opera and in the cinema. These variations are all the product of male artists, except for a few attempts in different medium: choreography (with Martha Graham and Birgit Cullberg), essay (Isabelle Stengers), novel (Christa Wolf) – almost as if the radicalization of Medea’s monstruosity finally called for women’s voices to speak after centuries of male creation.

1/ Fable variations

The Medeas of the 20th century all edit and nuance the original legend. Jean Vauthier’s partition created for the play of Seneca develops and expands the subject (with the music that Xenakis composed for this show being very insistent on the original Latin inflexions), while the “Medeaspiel” of Heiner Müller is very contracted between the choral of the two sides, “Abandoned shore” and “Landscape with the Argonauts”. Close or far away from the texts of Antiquity, all those contemporary rewrites offer new insights on the character. For example, they shift the focus towards a Medea still deeply rooted in Colchis: Pasolini’s movie opens, with Cappadocian landscapes and Tibetan music, on a mysterious sequence depicting archaic agrarian rites and sacrifices where Medea performs as a priestess. In the sardonic and misogynic play by Gilbert Lely, “Only kill your father for good use”, Medea, depicted as a parricide and as involved in an incestuous relationship with her brother, cannot even leave Colchis: Jason rejects her and escapes while she is having a breakdown.

Other works prefer to move the tragic emotion towards the children of Medea and Jason, who were barely heard in the centuries past. Hans Henny Jahnn’s “Medea” presents two sons with a strong bond, a weapon that Medea will use to “nail down this beautiful couple”. The play highlight the cruelty of the impossible rivalry between Jason and his oldest son, who both are in love with the daughter of king Creon. Medea, indeed, gave to his lover in this version an eternal youth. Similarly, when Lars von Trier shoots in 1988 the scenario that Carl Dreyer wrote in 1965, and where Medea poisons her children with a sweet tisane while singing a lullaby, he invents a new pathetic sequence: the oldest son helps his mother to hang the youngest one on the branch of a tree, in a wasteland, and after waiting for a long time he finally asks his mother to help him make his own noose.

However, the works of the 20th century get the further away from the tradition when it comes to the endings. While Medea stills takes refuge at the Athens of Aegeus (as in Euripides), no work ever present the “epiphany of the crime in a triumphal chariot” (as with Seneca), a scene which had been a rule for the classical theater and opera. The idea of Medea going “upwards” is simply suggested, sublimed: the Medea of Bergamin calls for the Celestial Father, “I will fill your eternal solitude with a human solitude of love!”. Outside of Anouilh’s Medea, who kills herself, the Medeas of the 20th century all disappear without dying because, as Max Rouquette wrote “how can one die when we are but a kind of death, a cursed wind which haunts endlessly the earth”. The Medea of Kyrklund petrifies herself in the shape of the Minoan snake-goddess, with Jason by her side, “like an engraving on a funeral stone”. The one of Jahnn, sitting by the corpses of her children, announces the end with her prophetic voice: the fortress will crumble down to the bottom of the sea.

2/ Paroxysm of violence

It is through modern singing that Medea now tries to capture the “furor” of Antiquity and the “panic” energy which infects the entire city. Christa Wolf’s “Medea-Stimmen” depicts the mechanism of how a scapegoat is created by a chain reaction: Medea is insulted in the streets of Corinth and treated like a scapegoat, she is banished from the town, her children are lapidated by the crowd, and the collectivity ends up inventing the legend of the infanticide after the one of the fratricide. To express the excess of this “spiritual disaster” (as Pasolini said), of this undepictable crime, all the tensions go through the sounds, from Pasolini’s deafening silences to the stenographical screams of Jean Vauthier. The scream is a recurring didascaly in Anouilh’s “Medea” where the protagonist makes an effort to become the Fury that Creon sees in her: “Beasts of this night! […] I shout with you your dark scream. On this night, Medea is all that hunts and all that kills.” Heiner Müller’s Medea echoes in her monologue the screams of many more victims, those of Colchis colonized, of her children that she murdered, of her rival which she mimics the agony of: “Here she is screaming / Do you have ears for this scream / And so screamed Colchis when you were in my womb / She’s still screaming / Do you have ears for this scream”.

All the voices of this echo chamber scream of life and death. Max Rouquette’s Medea screams to an old woman “Shut up! I should not have allowed you to speak. You offer your tongue to the voice of my belly which begs me to save them.” In this this game of hyper-intensity, there is a physical dimension to the passion, which keeps involving in all of these works the blood, the heart, the entrails, the belly, all tied to the notion of devouring. Heiner Müller’s Medea screams “Does this body not / Mean anything to you anymore / Do you want to drink my blood, Jason?”. To her children she says: “I want to rip you out of my heart / You who are the flesh of my heart / My memory / My darlings / The blood in your veins, give it back to me / Enter again my body, for you are entrails”. When she kills her sons, Jahnn’s Medea dares to say: “My thick blood has no shame in laughing, / drunk with vertigo, / because my eyes saw the fruit / of my entrails”. The same characters describes with horrible details how she cut into pieces the body of her brother. She listens to Jason, but only to her him begging her to mutilate him organ after organ, or to listen to how his new wife turned into a carrion.

3/ Medea the barbarian

These explosions of violence are all concentrated within the words “monster”, “savage”, “barbarian”. Sometimes it is Creon that uses them against Medea: “You are a beast! A non-Greek Barbarian! Your work is as black as your skin!” (Jahnn). Other times it is Medea herself that uses the word: “Why are you still clinging on to this barbarian / Who is your mother and your mark of shame” (Müller). “Medea the barbarian” is a notion that comes first, replacing the old idea of Medea the sorceress that Corneille’s play or Charpentier’s opera favorized. Medea becomes the character throughout which the notion of “barbarity” is reversed and decentralized. The artists of the 20th century turn Medea into the “strange foreigner”, robbed of her identity and who can only regain it through an enormous crisis. For Anouilh, Bergamin and Rouquette she is a Gypsy woman, for Jahnn she is a cultureless African, and with Kyrklund’ “Medea Foreigner” she forces the characters to see and hear everything that the European colonization vanquished and repressed: “This vision, Jason / That with the boots of your troops you painted all over my Colchis” (Müller). Kyrklund’s Medea, when she talks about the tree of her native land, the m”bongo”, defends strongly the notion of “sacred” and she fully understands the emptiness of the utilitarian rationalism of which Jason is so proud of. A same conflict is developed by the episode of the “mythical Centaur” in Pasolini’s movie, with Chiron educating a child Jason. Once adult, impoverished by both the colonial adventure of the Argonauts and the male culture of the “logos” at the heart of the city of Corinth, Jason loses any access to the poetry of the hybrid, to the unicity between man, animal and god. When he hears the “rational Centaur” talk and thus verifies the disenchantment of the world, he goes away crying, one hand before his eyes. “Medeaspiel” takes place in a set called “Abandoned shore”, a tormented earth after the last battle of World War II, an atrocious trace left by a male predator that was drunk with the might of his murderous technology. The nature has been torn apart just like the woman was forced to flee, and Medea in her distress knows a “reverse conversion” as she loses her sense of the mystery. The modern works thus invoke back the colonial denunciation present within Euripides and Seneca, but it isn’t just a battle between Europe and Asia anymore.

4/ The gender war

The knot of violence binds together the bursts of History with the sexual antagonism, because the Greek man betrayed the foreign woman and her children. Numerous texts create a duel where each repeats with a hateful obsession the theme of the “mine and yours”: “I come to give you what belongs to you, and ask you what is mine.” “Who are you fleeing, Jason, you or I? My sons or yours? Your blood or mine?” (Bergamin). “All within me is an instrument all for you. / For you I killed and I gave birth. / Me, your bitch, your whore, me.” (Müller) In this hateful lists that closes the suicidal infanticide, Müller’s Medea can only conclude with this position: “I want to rip humanity in half / And stay in the void between. Me / Neither woman nor man.” The Medeas of Gilbert Lely and Anouilh, the only ones who are vanquished, turn against themselves an irrational hatred of the wounded and amputated feminity. But the feminist cry that can be heard in Euripides’ Medea is still maintained by the works of Dreyer, Lars von Trier, Kyrklund or Bergamin: “I do not want to see the hand of man stop the power of my soul”. “Medea la encantadora” gives a unique light to the dialogue Medea has with her rival Creusa: the word of Medea, “the soul’s weaving”, initiates her to a hidden knowledge, her incantations are tied to the “cante jondo” where a male and female singer oppose each other in a new take on the old chorus. Indeed, in the modern works the chorus is always transformed: for Kyrklund the bourgeoisie of Corinth, for Max Rouquette old women who sing psalms with the voice of magpies, for Müller anonymous and apocalyptic voices… But in very case it amplifies the tragic song of Medea, who keeps modulating her own name (Medea nunc sum), since, by Anouilh’s words, “mothers will never call their daughter by this name anymore”. As with the other Medeas, the one of Max Rouquette plays with the numen of her name:

“You are the image of Medea. You are my mirrors… / More beautiful than any of those that were given to you. Of Medea no image can be ever be bound. / No image of Medea to pay the happiness of another. Be sold who wants to. / But not Medea. Nor Medea’s flesh. / Nor Medea’s love can be separated from Medea.”

[reyitsukka]

మా తెలుగు తల్లికి మల్లె పూదండా మా కన్న తల్లికి మంగళారతుల

To our Mother Telugu a garland of jasmines, devoted we are to our great Mother who birthed us

కడుపులో బంగారు కను చూపులో కరుణా చిరునవ్వులో సిరులు దొరలించు మా తల్లి

With gold in thy belly and grace in thine eyes, our Mother whose smile wealth poureth forth

గల గలా గోదారి కదలి పోతుంటేను బిర బిరా కృష్ణమ్మ పరుగులిడుతుంటే

Full of life and vigour is river Godavari, full of elation the river Krishna floweth

బంగారు పంటలే పండుతాయి మురిపాల ముత్యాలు ��ొరలు తాయి

Crops of gold shall they yield bountifully, glinting and shining gems shall roll forth

అమరావతీ నగర అపురూప శిల్పాలు, త్యాగయ్య గొంతులో తారాడు నాదాలు

The exotic sculptures of Amaravati, the riveting choral voice of Tyāgayya

తిక్కయ్య కలములో తియ్యందనాలు నిత్యమై నిఖిలమై నిలచి యుండే దాక

The wondrous writings of Tikkayya, gloriously withstood the tests of time.

రుద్రమ్మ భుజ శక్తి మల్లమ్మ పతిభక్తి తిమ్మరుసు ధీయుక్తి కృష్ణరాయని కీర్తి

Rudramma's strength and Mallamma's fidelity, Timmarasu's courage and Krishnadevaraya's glory

మా చెవుల రింగుమని మారు మ్రోగే దాక, నీ పాటలే పాడుతాం నీ ఆటలే ఆడుతాం జై తెలుగు తల్లీ! జై తెలుగు తల్లీ!!

Until our ears ring with pleasantries, we’ll sing thy songs, we'll play thy games. victory, victory to our Mother Telugu!

- Shankarambāḍi Sundarācāri, 1942

[vampirical-formula]

okay but like the line “heaven is not fit to house a love like you and I” sung as a choral makes me lose it like we’re literally damned but I am so devoted to you that it doesn’t matter I choose you over heaven our love is my religion and that’s the only solace I need!! It’s an echo of “the only heaven I’ll be sent to is when I’m alone with you” I’m gonna chew on glass!!!!

[deepakbhagnani]

Visit our Website:  https://blackkeytunes.com/

[rachthepoet]

Fine Line (The Song) Analysis

This song is so special to me and has grown to be such for many, too. The song that gifted the album that it occupies its namesake. Radiant with evocative nature and effectiveness to conclude. But, not an ending, per se, but rather a summarization and culmination. All its six minutes are vehement and all-consuming, encompassing a layered tapestry of adolescence, acceptance, and flux. The beauty in this song is that a singular subject can't be pinned down, but, rather, flutters between many, depending on who's bearing their soul to the listening experience at that moment. An anthem holding many senses, all that can coexist & happen all at once. A chorale to life's nature of duality.

Here's a deep dive into Harry Styles' Fine Line, from a poet.

Terms & Summations

What the hell is a "fine line" anyway? Great question, you in the pink and blue, in the front there! Yes, I admit, that was an unbearably cheesy way to start this section, but I'm itching to just get on with it. So... let's go!

A fine line is a balancing act, a tightrope, a suspension between the extremes. A small difference or distinction. The grey area between the black and white. Finding the right footing on this line is a difficult feat and something that ought to be discovered through time and maturity. With the chronicling through the song, and in the journey taken across the whole album, he's indicated that he's closer to this point than ever before. And, he feels an added sense of euphoria in knowing he'll be alright. And, similar to the preceding "Treat People With Kindness", he's extending his hand, wanting to share this acceptance with any who offer their ears.

A declaration, hope, a promise. Then, bring in the brass and the strings and the building crescendo, as the symphony of movie-credit-worthy emotions sweeps all toward a sense of closure to the art itself, of course — but simultaneously, a closure of acceptance of the duality of life for all who need to be guided toward it.

This guides us perfectly into revisiting that Fine Line is a song tailored to conclude. It's a summation of the sophomore album, a thesis statement, and the concluding slide of the journey — though, one can assume the trip continues indefinitely with some thematics. There have been tests of patience endured and acceptance of being unable to find all the answers to all the questions of life. One thing I find very essential to this song and understanding its impact is how he refuses to sugar-coat his words anymore — a lot of what's said in this song is direct, showing a maturity found through these trials and tribulations, these highs and lows we've seen flux throughout the album in its entirety.

It stands alone on the fourth side of the album, categorized as SIDE D respectfully. In following my own personal theory of the stages of grief, we stand at acceptance, a destination, or maybe the beginning of the travels. As a finale, Fine Line is very poignant, just the listener and one song left to ponder. Room has been left for this — to reflect upon the sadness and uncertainty seen earlier in the album, but also how there's happiness that exists beside and beyond it, with everything interconnected or divided by the fine line.

Lyric Pull Apart

[VERSE 1] Put a price on emotion I'm looking for something to buy You've got my devotion But man, I can hate you sometimes

Put a price on emotion / I'm looking for something to buy: Imagine this. One walks into a store with all these jars lining the shelves. Get a closer look down each aisle, and each jar is labeled with a different emotion as price tags dangle from the lids. Prices may vary. But... why would one buy something that one already makes? Why go artificial in what was once natural? The answer is in the riddle itself, and there in the first lyrics heard.

The ability to feel naturally has fallen flat, a consequence of the emotional strain of the push & pull that'll be explored in depth soon. And, one can become desperate, begging to feel any emotion, at any price, as they feel themselves falling numb. He would do anything, pay anything, just to feel again. After having rationalized detachment from emotions for so long... what was once naturally acquired (like joy, sadness, love, etc.) can now only be purchased as a tangible, artificial item. He's lost faith in himself, a bit. In addition, a debate surrounding pouring emotions into one's art — especially one's art that's put out on a larger scale — is invited inside here. How much is genuine? How much does one show? How does one stay authentic without giving away too much?

These first lyrics are critical, as they're the second-to-first impression of the song. It introduces us to the headspace the writer was in to start, and preps for the upcoming arc. Cynical with desperation is how I'd describe those first two lines, as we prepare to enter the fluctuation.

You've got my devotion / But man, I can hate you sometimes: Something done very well within this piece is the use of antithesis or contrast. It not only serves as an illustrator but also further emphasizes the fine line notion. And it won't be the last time he utilizes this, for it encompasses both the album and the song. Devotion is such a strong word to use here, but its strength is used intentionally to amplify conflict. A word defined as "love, loyalty, or enthusiasm for a person" is closely followed by an admission of hate, which sends the listener into the same confusion the speaker must've felt then. The irregularities in love and life are encompassed. In the experiences we all foster. It will never be 100% euphoria, but rather a 50/50 bet between bliss and hell.

But, you know, from time to time, the bliss can outweigh the suffering. Until one hits a breaking point — see the first couplet of lyrics. He's feeling the pressure and melancholia in the haze of confusion stemming from this conflict. Whether external, internal, or a compilation of both. His emotions battle one another, leaving him confused about what he actually feels. This person has his devotion, but at any time, it can cross to the antonym, the threshold of hate.

[VERSE 1] I don't want to fight you And I don't want to sleep in the dirt We'll get the drinks in So I get to thinking of her

I don't want to fight you / And I don't want to sleep in the dirt: Another example of antithesis here. Continuing this push and pull, a lingering sense of fear and hesitancy. He doesn't want to get mistreated, but he also doesn't have the energy to fight anymore, for the constant back and forth has grown tiring. And he's been drained.

We'll get the drinks in / So I get to thinking of her: I believe this can mirror the very first lyric of this verse, in terms of numbness. A representation of falling back on something — here specifically, alcohol — an unhealthy coping mechanism explored in other ways and places in the album, to break down his subconscious walls. He seeks something to ease the pain he knows is coming 'round the corner. The her referred to could be as basic as a past lover, sure, but also the weight of something much more generalized. Something bigger than even the speaker himself. Which I think isn't to be ruled out so prematurely.

[CHORUS] We'll be a Fine Line We'll be a Fine Line We'll be a Fine Line We'll be a Fine Line We'll be a Fine Line We'll be a Fine Line

We have arrived at the beautiful, pivotal phrase, on its first round of repetition. To walk a fine line is to maintain a balance, or to be very close to two different ideas/attitudes simultaneously. One side is often more acceptable than the other, but we must embrace all in balance. Throughout the song, I visualize the speaker balancing on a tightrope, all these concepts bouncing up to his eyesight on both sides, all in rhythmic melody to the sounds behind his words. At times, he might stumble, but he sustains his balance, standing on the fine line.

There's a fine line between love and hate. There's a fine line between happiness and sadness. And etcetera, for one could go on for days and weeks with this concept. But we'll balance on that fine line, as we navigate where we're set to land. And, in this round of repetition for the chorus, it feels as if us, the listeners, are eavesdropping on the speaker trying to convince himself of this.

[VERSE 2] Test of my patience There's things that we'll never know You sunshine, you temptress My hand's at risk, I fold

Test of my patience / There's things that we'll never know: The starting couplet of the second verse, starting with an acknowledgment of the unknown. Further, the acknowledgment of the feelings associated. A waterfall of thoughts he dwells on, and my assumption is that it falls into what could've been. This feeling of dissatisfaction, and, like many other parts of the song, can be construed depending on the glasses worn. But, with said dissatisfaction, there's also an air of acceptance, which returns back to the theme of duality and balance.

In his dissatisfaction of the unknown, he accepts the lack of patience and the growth of frustration that results from these revelations. Acceptance of pain that seeps into devotion that can further blind you. Acceptance that one can't change the what if, but only learn from it, and walk towards perseverance.

You sunshine, you temptress: He's back at it with the antithesis, folks — a bit more subtle than the others, I'd say though. Still hauntingly poetic and reflective of how deep his infatuation can go. Can't go much further without mentioning how it mirrors Woman, and the lyric "You flower, you feast" structurally. The connotation of the first you (You sunshine) is something beautiful, while the connotation of the second you (You temptress) is ominous. It parallels the juxtaposition of care and resentment established in the first verse.

Once more, the theme of duality and life's balance is furthered. In Golden, the opener to this album, the subject is referred to as golden and bright — positive and complimentary. Now, in the closer to this album, it's punctuated with the label of a temptress, slicing through the tenderness with something soul-stirring. There's another similarity to Woman, how they both touch on temptation, but, in Fine Line, he's admitting that neither party is completely innocent or guilty. Rather, they both have a little of each.

My hand's at risk, I fold: Moving on then to this analogy to poker, which I find to be an intriguing choice. The person he's speaking to at the heart of the song has (presumably) found their way past his poker face, past his fronts, and acts and strategies to hide his emotions. Now, his poker face is down, and he's left bare and exposed, more vulnerable before them. He's been brought to this point and willingly folds.

The act of folding, where a player gives up any chance of winning the pot (the money) by sacrificing their hand (of cards) to avoid a loss of what's already theirs (money they still have). In poker, it's all about keeping a straight face and hiding your emotions to prevent the other players from figuring out what cards you have. Switch this into the song's context, and see his hand not full of cards, but, rather, emotions. And, to push further with this metaphor, the speaker is giving up keeping his cards (emotions) close to his chest and decides to fold (open up) to those who are tempting him to do (you sunshine, you temptress). Gambling also can become an extended metaphor in the song, with the mention of marketing emotions in the opening line. Poker itself is a game of high stress and risk, and the act of folding can be done to survive the iterations of poker (regular stress on the fine line).

[VERSE 2] Crisp trepidation I'll try to shake this soon Spreading you open Is the only way of knowing you

Crisp trepidation / I'll try to shake this soon: I adore how he pairs words together, and this bit right here has got to be one of my favorites. Trepidation is a feeling of fear and withdrawal. Crisp preceding it implies that it's perfected, as if he's had a lot of practice (happened multiple times before). A master in hiding his emotions, not communicating his emotions, a common theme explored throughout his catalog. Then, following that with I'll try to shake this soon — that line can act as a summarization of the verse thus far. Trying to shake the feeling of fear when it comes to bearing his emotions. But, also, shaking the fear about the uncertainty that comes with the duality on the fine line he walks and is walking.

Spreading you open / Is the only way of knowing you: One step on the fine line between emotional and physical vulnerability here. And, undoubtedly, it's a part of the song that obliterates my heart. The whole thing. His voice becomes emboldened and stronger when singing this line, such a beauty. It can taken with or without sexual innuendo. And, per usual, I'd like to travel down both roads.

Let's talk without first — the person he speaks of can have their defenses up like he does, making it hard for him to know what goes on in their mind. In this context, spreading them open would be the only way to connect emotionally, breaking down their subconscious bounds, which could've inspired him to follow suit. Now, let's talk with — connecting emotionally is an act of vulnerability neither party allows themselves to do, so bring in the contrasting ease of a physical connection as everything else gets swept under the rug. In this context, spreading them open would be the only way for him to remain in contact with the other person, for conversations of emotions and deeper connections are just too much for both involved.

Through this, another contemplation of the fine line is introduced, the fine line between vulnerability and neediness, and how this is another tightrope he walks on throughout the song, as the listeners, his audience that he has chosen to share this journey with, watches in wonder.

[CHORUS 2] We'll be a Fine Line (x12) We'll be alright We'll be alright We'll be a Fine Line We'll be a Fine Line We'll be alright

Another round of repetition with a beautiful, pivotal phrase. But, there's something different here, a switch in the narrative. To refresh, the first repetition was him convincing himself — but, now, in the second round, he's convinced. He believes in it. This bout of repetition holds acceptance in its hands, the speaker's acceptance of the good and the bad, the highs and the lows, the beautiful and the ugly — the fine line that threads its way through it all. He's reassuring and reminding himself that it will work out, and he will grow from what's learned. And, musically, the poetics grow in companionship with the lyrics.

First, the guitar gets bolder as the strums grow more aggressive, a complete shift to the ear from where the song started. The rising guitar can symbolize the change, in both a relationship but also the person the speaker has become. And, the piano gets reintroduced, and I hear it as hope returning — our beautiful hope has her own melody. And, one can't overlook the strings... pure magic. With this shift in the music, the listener, too, feels the change that he must've felt. This change in outlook — these experiences are painful and feel like it could be the end of all ends, but one grows from them. Now, both he and we recognize this, and accept it. We'll be alright. All these instruments come together to build the anticipation for the switch to We'll be alright. Reassurance, for the listener and the speaker, that it'll all be okay in the end. He validates the lyrics of the song, the chronicles of pain, to whoever is listening — but, more substantially, himself.

[OUTRO] (We'll be alright) (We'll be alright) We'll be alright We'll be alright Oh

Well be alright, we'll be alright, we'll be alright. Repetition in reassurance.

Looking back to when first discussing the song as a whole, this is a song tailored to conclude. This is his way of emitting a small glimmer of hope after going through it all across the album. The honeymoon phase, the connection, the love, the heartbreak, the loneliness, and even self-defeat. All instances explored in the album as a whole, are summarized into a lesson for whoever lends their ear. The fine line! He's now sharing that hope with us, the listeners, giving reassurance he didn't always have, creating an accepting friendship letter to the duality of life and love. Now, he can look out to his audience — whether one person or thousands — and tell what he once only repeated to himself: We'll be alright.

It's a crisp summation of all the places he traveled on the album, and all things laid bare. A song of emotional maturity where he realizes that emotions, life, and relationships — they all have a duality to them, and are all in a balance, one all strive to find. A fine line is balanced, a fine line to walk is inevitable. A windsome culmination of his own self and his own journey. The self in art, the self on its own, the self with another. The travels, the chances, the fears, the passion. Hope. Reassurance. Confidence. Acceptance. Flux. And, most important to take with you as you go — promise me that you'll keep it close to your heart — is the knowledge that everything will be alright at the end of things.

dedicated to this anon <3

Thank you for reading, you’re absolutely incredible! If there are any songs you’d like me to make an analysis of, please send your request to my inbox! along with any questions or insights you might have yourself!

[ticklace]

Intro time! Hi friends, I'm Lacey!

Long-time lurker who has finally mustered the courage to join the tickling community officially. Looking forward to making some friends here!

A bit about me... (👇 below the cut 👇)

27F from Southeast USA. She/her 🙂

I like/follow from my main blog, @cozy-clutter-pile (which was originally called ticklace, before I decided I wanted my main blog to focus on multiple topics and split off this side blog for tickling only)

dating the sweetest guy on the planet (read: not looking for romance unless you're @ticklishpirate 😘)

Asexual :) In a perpetual cuddly mood.

Neurodivergent (and how)

Hobbies include crafting, choral singing (what I lack in talent I make up for in devotion), and snuggling my sweet doggo 🥰

Tickle Switch (lee/ler percentages vary wildly, on a person-to-person basis)

Might as well go ahead and add that I'm a huge fan of tummy tickles 😅 it's kinda my specialty lol

I post (tickly) fandom stuff on @cozy-cinnamon-roll! Be advised, it is almost entirely Stardew Valley content right now. 😅 (If you haven't seen me around for a bit on this blog, there's a good chance I'm obsessively posting about something over there... When I hyperfixate, I hyperfixate hard.)

I use tone indicators/tone tags regularly. Personally, I don't mind if other people use them or not (if you don't, I might just ask you to clarify sometimes if it's ambiguous), But I do need people listening to me to be comfy seeing them.

Below are the rules of my realm:

✨This is a trauma-friendly space✨ If you would like me to add content/trigger warnings for anything at all (literally anything), I am more than happy to do so. ❤️

✨This is an LGBTQIA+ friendly space✨ I will block bigots indiscriminately and with relish.

✨This is a chub-friendly space✨ anyone who disrespects my soft friends can get the hell off my dash.

This is a SFW blog. Some content I post might be from blogs that post NSFW content themselves, but you just won't see it here.

This blog is not open to minors. SFW does not automatically mean safe for minors. Ageless and under-18 blogs DNI.

If something I post makes you uncomfy, PLEASE let me know and I will remove it.

And finally, a disclaimer regarding my Lee side:

Lee!Lacey does not appear until I know you well enough to trust you. Do NOT send me lee-oriented teases/messages/asks unless we've discussed it ahead of time, or (preferably) you've asked me directly if it's okay.

I have a lot of quirky boundaries and past trauma related to being tickled, so direct communication and discussion of those boundaries is REQUIRED before any lee!Lacey interaction can happen.

I'm always open to new friends! I will warn you I find it much quicker to interact via comments, asks, and posts rather than DMs, since extended one-on-one conversations in text tend to be very draining on me for some reason.* So I tend to be a bit of a slow reply-er... but if you're down for DM chat at the speed of snail mail, I'm your gal 🐌 🐌 🐌

*that reason is that I am far more accustomed to being the roomba friend puttering around in the background than an actual Conversational Being. And I tend to use up all my Conversational Being Imitation juice in real life.

[young-royals-confessions]

Some people think the romance is Wilmon was hasty. But I’m sure Simon had been harbouring an unrequited and previously unattainable crush on Wille for his teen years. Blame the tabloids. See Ayub’s welcome and gentle ribbing of Simon at the football game. Ayub is generally regarded as one of Simon’s oldest friends. He would have stories! As far as Wille he fell as soon as Simon called out the royals on his first day. The cheek of this super attractive choral lead singer!? What are the chances these two would end up together? Almost miraculous coincidences esp. after it all went bad no thanks to the crown or august. I don’t think the romance was hasty, we only see parts of their romance over a long period of time. I think they have a true deep connection that’s rare. That’s why no one believes they are devoted in a way no one else can fathom. Thank you

💕

[valena-nedela]

Glam Update

I haven't posted glam in a while. So I decided the best way to remedy this was to spend a few days doing new gpose shots of all of my current looks to share in one gallery post - literally just all the plates from 1-20. Learned some things about getting a good gpose while doing this, too.

#1: Paladin & Gunbreaker (Fending)

Magitek Ear Guards, Model A-1 Tactical Top, Model A-1 Tactical Fingerless Gloves, YoRHa Type-53 Breeches of Fending, YoRHa Type-53 Boots of Fending; Wayfarer's Earcuff, Emperor's New Necklace, Emperor's New Bracelet, Emperor's New Ring, —; Silver Shaded Spectacles.

#2: Black Mage & Summoner (Casting)

Star Velvet Hood of Casting, Nomad's Coat of Casting, Republican Signifer's Fingerless Gloves, Black Summer Tanga, Demon Sandals of Casting; Wayfarer's Earcuff, Ishgardian Knight's Choker, The Emperor's New Bracelet, Diamond Lone Wolf Ring, Eternity Ring.

#3: Astrologian & [sometimes] White Mage (Healing)

Salon Server's Hat, Casual Jacket, Street Handwear, YoRHa Type-53 Bottoms of Healing, Model C-1 Tactical Longboots; Menphina's Earring, Wayfarer's Necklace, Emperor's New Bracelet, Emperor's New Ring, Eternity Ring; Black Oval Spectacles.

#4: Scholar (Healing)

Elegant Rimless Glasses, Diadochos Coat of Healing, False Nails, Valentione Emissary's Culottes, Valentione Emissary's Dress Boots; Wayfarer's Earcuff, Emperor's New Necklace, Emperor's New Bracelet, Halonic Friar's Ring, Eternity Ring.

#5: White Mage (Healing)

Red Hyacinth Corsage, Shisui Joi of Healing, False Nails, Spring Skirt, Lady's Clogs; Dai-ryumyaku Earring of Healing, Emperor's New Necklace, Emperor's New Bracelet, Diamond Lone Wolf Ring, Eternity Ring.

#6: Sage (Healing)

Shaded Spectacles, Makai Moon Guide's Gown, Makai Moon Guide's Fingerless Gloves, Cropped Fireglass Leather Slops, Model C-1 Tactical Longboots; Wayfarer's Earcuff, Emperor's New Necklace, Emperor's New Bracelet, Emperor's New Ring, Eternity Ring.

#7: Dark Knight & Warrior (Fending)

Red Hyacinth Corsage, Shisui Joi of Fending, Punching Gloves, Yakaku Koshita, Lady's Clogs; Dai-ryumyaku Earring of Fending, Emperor's New Necklace, Emperor's New Bracelet, Emperor's New Ring, —.

#8: Dragoon (All Class)

Cashmere Hood, Highland Smock, Pagos Field Dressing, Extreme Survival Slops, Auri Buskins; Wayfarer's Earcuff, Emperor's New Necklace, Emperor's New Bracelet, Halonic Friar's Ring, Eternity Ring.

#9: Samurai (Striking)

Non La, Gazelleskin Corselet of Striking, Amatsu Tekko, Amatsu Haidate, True Griffin Caligae of Striking; Dai-ryumyaku Earring of Slaying, Emperor's New Necklace, Emperor's New Bracelet, Emperor's New Ring, —.

#10: Monk (Monk Only)

Thavnairian Headdress, Hesychast's Cyclas, Summer Sunset Wrist Torques, Alliance Skirt of Striking, Martial Artist's Pumps; Wayfarer's Earcuff, Emperor's New Necklace, Emperor's New Bracelet, Halonic Friar's Ring, Eternity Ring.

#11: Ninja (Ninja Only)

Moonward Veil of Scouting, Idealized Hattori Chainmail, Idealized Hattori Tekko, Ninja Hakama, Midan Boots of Scouting; Diamond Lone Wolf Earrings, Emperor's New Necklace, Emperor's New Bracelet, Emperor's New Ring, —.

#12: Bard (Bard Only)

White Hydrangea Corsage, Augmented Choral Shirt, Idealized Fili Armlets, Far Eastern Beauty's Koshita, Far Eastern Beauty's Boots; Wayfarer's Earcuff, Emperor's New Necklace, Emperor's New Bracelet, Emperor's New Ring, Eternity Ring.

#13: Machinist (Aiming)

Replica Sky Pirate's Beret of Aiming, Street Jacket, Makai Markswoman's Fingerless Gloves, Paglth'an Bottoms of Aiming, Calfskin Rider's Shoes; Diamond Lone Wolf Earrings, Emperor's New Necklace, Emperor's New Bracelet, Emperor's New Ring, Eternity Ring; Black Shaded Spectacles.

#14: Dancer (Dancer Only)

Horos Headdress, Horos Casaque, Horos Wrist Torques, Horos Bottoms, Etoile Dress Boots; Menphina's Earring, Emperor's New Necklace, Emperor's New Bracelet, Emperor's New Ring, —.

#15: Wedding Glam (Dancer Only)

Horos Headdress, Gown of Eternal Devotion, Etoile Halfgloves, Virtu Dancer's Bottoms, Idealized Dancer's Shoes; Diamond Lone Wolf Earrings, Emperor's New Necklace, Emperor's New Bracelet, Diamond Lone Wolf Ring, Eternity Ring.

#16: Viper (Scouting)

Pagos Bandana, Summer's Flame Top, Dirndl's Wrist Torque, Nabaath Bottoms of Scouting, Nabaath Shoes of Scouting; Wayfarer's Earcuff, Wayfarer's Necklace, Emperor's New Bracelet, Halonic Friar's Ring, Eternity Ring.

#17: Red Mage & Pictomancer (All Class)

Red-feathered Flat Hat, Lady's Suikan, Summer Sunset Wrist Torques, Spriggan Bottoms, High House Halfboots; Red Moth Orchid Corsage, Emperor's New Necklace, Emperor's New Bracelet, Emperor's New Ring, Eternity Ring.

#18: Reaper (Reaper Only)

Makai Harrower's Facemask, Gazelleskin Corselet of Maiming, Eastern Lady Errant's Gloves, Imperial Longkilt of Maiming, Gazelleskin Open-toed Boots of Maiming; Green Triteleia Earring, Hard Leather Choker, Emperor's New Bracelet, Halonic Friar's Ring, Eternity Ring.

#19: Disciples of the Land (All Class)

Salon Server's Hat, Thavnairian Wool Autumn Shirt, False Nails, Salon Server's Skirt, Wayfarer's Boots; Lily and Serpent Earrings, Green Byregotia Choker, Emperor's New Bracelet, Gysahl Ring, Eternity Ring.

#20: Disciples of the Hand (All Class)

Salon Server's Hat, Flannel Suspenders, Street Handwear, Peavelover Pantaloons, Survival Boots; Wayfarer's Earcuff, Emperor's New Necklace, Emperor's New Bracelet, Gysahl Ring, Eternity Ring.

[fitzrove]

The Crown Prince Rudolf Tour of Vienna

Hey, you - yes, you! Travelling to Vienna? Too much of a hipster to want to devote your trip to Mozart or Sisi things? Or just looking to expand your horizons even while you're doing the more traditional tourist stuff? Look no further than here :D I'm going to take you through some of the Rudolf things you can do in Vienna. (And some Elisabeth das Musical things as well.)

General Tips

Stuff you may find very useful to have:

- A public transport day/week ticket for the entire time you're in Vienna. Vienna public transport is generally awesome because of the short intervals (3-10 minutes during weekdays for most lines), and you can get pretty much everywhere by bus, tram, the underground (U-Bahn) and S-train, all of which are included in the Wiener Linien ticket.

- An international student card if you're a student under 26. I have an ISIC card and in some countries it doesn't qualify you for all discounts, but in Vienna, it works everywhere. You can save a lot of money on museum and theatre tickets! There's also something you can get called the Vienna City Card which gets you discounts as well, but you would have to calculate whether it would be worth it to pay for the card (depends on how many places you intend to visit and if they're covered by the discount). I didn't get it because I was interested in a very narrow scope of things (= Rudolf).

- Change in Euros. You can pay by card basically everywhere, but for souvenirs that cost less than 10 euros, it just feels more convenient to use cash/coins (and from what I gather, a lot of people do use cash to pay in Austria compared to Finland :D)

- There are combo tickets like the Sisi Ticket (Schönbrunn + Hofburg Sisi Museum and Silberkammer + Möbelmuseum) if you want to do all of the museums that it covers. I didn't get any of those because again, Rudolf priorities, but if you do end up doing that combo, definitely get the combo ticket instead of separate ones!

Now onto the actual tour stops. We shall start from the city centre and work our way through the city from there.

1. Hofburg / Rudolf's Apartments

The whole Hofburg area is super cool and imposing, so I definitely recommend going there just to walk around - it's completely free. You can also take tram 1 towards Prater Hauptallee from the opera to the Schwedenplatz & back (which I did) to observe the palace from the Vienna Ring Road, which takes you past many gorgeous buildings, including those of the Hofburg (and the Wiener Eistraum, a famous skating rink that features in the Affaire Mayerling musical, complete with its trauma-inducing snowman). But don't only do the overview, it's really super cool to actually wander around the palace area!

The most interesting area of the palace is the Schweizerhof. When you enter the palace through the big entrance on Michaelerplatz (idk if it's the main entrance but it's probably the most tourist trappy one) and walk through the "tunnel" (my English architectural vocab is failing me) to the main courtyard (Innerer Burghof), the smaller Schweizerhof courtyard will be on your left. From there, you can enter the Hofburg Chapel / Hofmusikkapelle (which has very limited opening hours due to it being an important practice and performance site for the Vienna Boys' Choir; it's open to tourists Monday and Tuesday from 10 am to 2 pm & Friday 11 am to 1 pm) for free (once you have entered the courtyard, it will be on your right) and sit there listening to some nice choral music. It's very quiet and off the beaten path imo, so it's very nice.

But the main point of interest on the Schweizerhof is, of course, Rudolf's apartment, located on the left side of the courtyard on the second floor (I think). You can't go in because it now houses the offices of the State Monument Office (Bundesdenkmalamt), but you can peer up at the windows >:D

2. Augustinerkirche

The Augustinerkirche is a stone's throw away from the Hofburg (4 minute walk), so it's very easy to get to once you're already there. Just go out through the Schweizerhof exit (directly in front of you if you've just entered the small courtyard from the main Burghof; visible in the photo above) and exit to the Josefsplatz (the plaza in front of the Austrian National Library). Walk across the plaza, past the statue of Kaiser Joseph II, and enter the church from a door on the west side.

The Augustinerkirche is where Sisi and FJ got married, but less famously, it's also the site of Rudolf and Stéphanie's wedding. You can go in for free and guided tours are forbidden within the church, so it should be quite quiet and peaceful. Opening hours 8 am to 5:30 pm (Mon, Wed, Fri) / 8 am to 7:30 pm (Tues / Thurs) / 9 am to 7:30 pm (Sat / Sun), though be aware that the church is in active use by the parish so sometimes services may be taking place.

3. Kapuzinergruft

The Kapuzinergruft is a three-minute walk away from the Augustinerkirche. Just proceed down the Josefplatz until it turns into Augustinerstraße, go past the Theatermuseum, make a few turns (Google Maps will help you with this better than I can) and you're there. You can enter the crypt for 7 euros (student) / 8 euros (adult). The price of the ticket ensures that it's quite quiet, at least on winter weekdays - I basically had it to myself for ~20 minutes. Remember that it's a graveyard, so you should avoid making any kind of ruckus while there. You can see the graves of many famous Habsburg personalities, but what obviously interests us most is Rudolf. His grave in the Franz Joseph vault is pretty hard to miss accidentally.

Do consider bringing him something. It doesn't have to cost anything (and perhaps you shouldn't spend a lot of money given that mementos are regularly cleared away. I think pretty rocks work as well as anything), but it's a nice gesture.

4. Theatermuseum

The Theatermuseum is very close to the Capuchin Crypt, so you can easily proceed there directly if you want to. It doesn't have much to do with the historical Rudolf, but right now (Feb 2023) it has the original 1992 costume sketches for Elisabeth displayed in the Mozart to Falco exhibition. In the museum gift shop you can buy the 2004 blue Elisabeth Vienna cast album (Lukas Perman as Rudolf) for 13 euros (cheap!), as well as the 2005 Vienna Elisabeth DVD & the 2016 Vienna Mozart proshot DVD and official CD. They are quite expensive (~16 euros for the Mozart CD and 30 euros for each of the dvds iirc) and not really cheaper than what you could find while online shopping imo, so I didn't buy them.

5. Raimundtheater

We're making a pretty large jump across town :D The Raimundtheater, operated by the VBW, is the leading musical theatre venue in Vienna. In the theatre you can do the following Rudolf-related activities:

- Buy Elisabeth merch (a wide variety of things from VBW productions from the last 10 years; when I went they had the 2012 and 2019 CDs, iirc 2022 as well, and the 2012 libretto. Basically anything you can find in the online VBW gift shop will be here.)

- Buy the Rudolf: Affaire Mayerling CD and DVD (don't) (XD)

- See a show in the theater where Elisabeth 2012 happened

- As long as Rebecca is playing: Meet a Rudolf/Young Hungarian Nobleman (choose your pick from u/s Vienna 1992 and/or u/s Vienna 2012) at stagedoor 😎 You can also meet several Elisabeths and Franz Josephs and watch Mark Seibert run away from his fans at lightning speed.

You should definitely join the VBW Musicalclub to buy last-minute tickets for 22 euros (available 2 hours before the show starts), especially if you're alone. The membership is 17 euros a year but just one good last-minute ticket will make it worth it. I sat in seats worth 120 euros in the 5th and 6th rows (stalls) and paid only 22 euros each for them, plus the membership. You need a bit of luck but it's definitely worth it, especially on less busy weekdays. The visibility from category C and D seats, at least those on the balcony, isn't amazing - you miss some action even from seats where it isn't indicated that there's limited visibility.

6. The Crown Prince Apartments at Schönbrunn

The crown jewel of the experience, in my opinion. >:] Take the U4 from the centre and get off at Schönbrunn station. Once you enter the main courtyard of the castle (on which the war crime that was the Elisabeth Konzertante Aufführung was committed), head for the entrance seen on the left corner of the main facade. If you go straight ahead once you enter the building, you will find a small unassuming door. This is the entrance to the horribly kitschy Schönbrunn Virtual Reality experience. It's also the entrance to Rudolf's apartment.

Watching the 24-minute VR film is pretty okay. It looks cool, even though it's not a great film for people who already know the history. (We only see Rudolf for a few seconds on the carriage to Mayerling, and then darkness, a whisper of "mother, forgive me" and two gunshot sound effects. Gross. Lucheni has more screentime than Rudolf and he's depicted as a whistling cartoon villain living in a rat-infested apartment.) I did learn new things about the early history of Schönbrunn, which was nice. But the important thing is that after the film you get to walk around all the rooms (at least if it's not super busy) and look at Rudolf's apartment!!! Only the bedroom is off-limits. It's not known what each of the rooms' function was (except that the first room you enter was his living room), but it's really cool to look at the 18th century bird murals, which were ludicrously expensive to create and took 7 years to complete (by only one artist and then his student when he passed away). The apartments were Empress Maria Theresa's favourite part of the castle because they were hot in winter and cool in the summer.

The VR tour only costs 8.50 (student) / 9.50 (adult) as an add-on to a regular Schönbrunn ticket. Definitely do that! The regular tickets (Grand Tour and Imperial Tour, and some combos that are available in the summer) get you a nice tour of the first floor of the castle, with Sisi and FJ's apartments and the glorious Spiegelsaal. I would get the Grand Tour because it's 18 extra rooms for only a marginal increase in price. I'm too lazy to google the prices rn and they might change in the future, but it was something like 20ish euros.

After the tour you can buy merch at the gift shop. Sadly, the Rudolf merch is limited to two postcards - one a photograph of him as a young boy and another a hunting clothes portrait photo from 1888. I think the latter one is super cute so I bought it :D You can also buy a Sisi themed nail file 💀

That concludes my Rudolf Tour experience. XD There are additional things you could do that I don't have personal experience of, so I'm listing them briefly here.

Things you could also do but I didn't do (and why I didn't do them)

- The Sisi Museum / Imperial Apartments at Hofburg. I read online that the apartments aren't very different from those at Schönbrunn, and I don't have a great interest in Sisi, but you could do this if you want to. Like in Schönbrunn, FJ has pictures of all of his children in his apartment, which is cute.

- Imperial Treasury/Kaiserliche Schatzkammer in Hofburg. I didn't particularly care xD It's on the Schweizerhof so easy to pop into while going to see Rudolf's Hofburg apartment if you want. Not free.

- Silberkammer - another which is next to the Sisi museum afaik. Again, didn't care xD

- Paniglgasse 19. This is a now-random building that once contained the apartment Rudolf bought for Mizzi Kaspar, his favourite mistress. You can go stand outside it if you're in the Wieden area (underground stop Karlsplatz) anyway to see the famous Karlskirche or the VBW main office / Theater an der Wien. The latter is being renovated so there's nothing to see but I did it anyway. I didn't go to Mizzi's apartment because I found the area a bit weird to navigate and was tired at that point of my day :D

- The Museum of Natural History / Naturhistorisches Museum. The mineral collection contains some geological objects of interest from Rudolf's private collection, as does the ornithological collection. There's a pair of white-tailed eagles on display that were shot by him on Jan 22, 1889, only nine days before his death. I realised too late that I should go and missed it - maybe next time. Tickets 16e (adult) / 12e (student/reduced).

- The Hofmobiliendepot / Imperial Furniture Collection / Furniture Museum. I was going to go because they had some Rudolf stuff (... including the bed he died in, which I find a bit gauche to display), but I was too tired after Schönbrunn and skipped it. Located at Andreasgasse 7, served by the U3 underground line. Student ticket 10,50 / adult 11,50.

- The Kronprinzengarten in the Schönbrunn grounds. It's named so because it's located right outside Rudolf's apartments, so going there will give you a view of the outside of his place & his yard, basically. Definitely pop over if you can, it's very practical to do if you're in Schönbrunn anyway! The gardens were closed for the winter when I was in Vienna. You can get a Schönbrunn Classic Pass (from April 1 onwards) to do the castle Grand Tour and visit all of the Schönbrunn gardens.

Thanks for reading :D Hope you have fun and please bring Rudolf all the rocks