#Chatty Elf Talkative Family

[noisycowboyglitter]

Bring the Elf on the Shelf to Life with a "Chatty Elf" for Your Family

Is your family known for its endless chatter? Do you have a mischievous elf who loves to stir the pot? Then the "Chatty Elf Talkative Family" is the perfect description for your holiday cheer! Imagine a bustling household filled with laughter, shared stories, and the constant pitter-patter of excited voices. From the moment the elf arrives, expect a whirlwind of playful banter, inside jokes, and

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impromptu performances. This dynamic family embraces the holiday spirit with open arms and even louder voices, creating a joyful atmosphere that's contagious. Whether it's sharing family traditions, discussing the latest holiday movie, or simply catching up on each other's lives, this talkative tribe knows how to make every moment count. So, gather 'round the fireplace, grab a cozy blanket, and prepare to be swept away by the infectious enthusiasm of the Chatty Elf Talkative Family.

Picture this: a living room adorned with twinkling lights, a beautifully decorated tree, and a group of people who can't seem to stop talking. The elf, with a mischievous glint in its eyes, adds fuel to the fire, sharing daily antics and encouraging everyone to join in the fun. From the youngest child to the oldest grandparent, everyone has a story to tell and a laugh to share. The house is filled with the sounds of laughter, clinking glasses, and the occasional burst of song. It's a chaotic yet heartwarming scene that captures the essence of the holiday season.

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So, if you're looking for a family that embodies the spirit of Christmas – loud, joyful, and full of love – look no further than the Chatty Elf Talkative Family. Their infectious enthusiasm is sure to brighten even the dreariest of days.

Spread some holiday cheer with hilarious matching Christmas outfits! Whether you're a family, friend group, or work crew, coordinating funny Christmas attire is a guaranteed way to turn heads and create unforgettable memories. From punny slogans to silly character costumes, there's a matching look for every group. Imagine the laughter as you pose for your annual Christmas card or simply enjoy a festive gathering. These matching ensembles are

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perfect for breaking the ice, sparking conversations, and adding a touch of absurdity to the holiday season. Get ready to embrace your inner goofball and create a matching Christmas moment that will be talked about for years to come.

So, gather your crew, choose your favorite funny design, and get ready to spread the Christmas joy! Whether you opt for matching sweaters, pajamas, or accessories, the key is to have fun and let your personalities shine through. Remember, the more outrageous the outfit, the better the laughs!

Discover the true meaning of the holiday season with heartwarming stories, traditions, and inspiration. From the joy of giving to the magic of togetherness, explore the countless blessings that Christmas brings. Unwrap the spirit of generosity, kindness, and

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hope as you celebrate with loved ones. Let the warmth of the season fill your heart as you embrace the timeless message of peace and goodwill. Create unforgettable memories and cherish the precious moments that make Christmas truly special.

Whether it's a simple act of kindness or a grand gesture of love, the gift of Christmas is found in the spirit of giving and sharing. Immerse yourself in the wonder of the holiday season and let the true meaning of Christmas shine bright in your life.

[shouldaspunastory]

For @midnightprelude and @dadrunkwriting

June Lavellan & Dorian Pavus (SFW, pre-relationship, Hurt & Comfort) 531 words

-------------------------------

"If It's a trap, we escape and kill everyone. You're good at that."

June watches the scene unfolding before him, feeling his stomach drop as Dorian identifies the man that walks out of the shadows of the tavern as his father. Definitely a trap, then, the elf thinks with a frown. Though, killing Halward Pavus might prove something Dorian would regret later.

"I apologize for the deception, Inquisitor, I never intended for you to be involved," Halward says addressing June. June nods.

"And I had no intention of lying to your son." Dorian glances back at him briefly, an undiscernible expression crossing his face, before his gaze and attention snaps back to his father.

"This is how it has always been," Halward sighs, glancing passed Dorian to where June still stands by the door. The magister seems to be looking for an ally, someone to cosign this sentiment that Dorian is somehow difficult, unyielding, as if the altus is still a child, and Halward is somehow to be pitied. He doesn't find one, though, as June continues to frown, his gaze and his concern reserved for Dorian. June may not know the particulars of why, but even he can tell from the way Dorian talks about him, and the fact that the normally chatty mage says so little, chooses his words so carefully, that whatever wounds his father caused run deep.

"You tried to change me."

Dorian's voice breaks, and June's heart breaks with it. The elf has never been anything less than awkward when it comes to physical touch with most people, but June cannot recall the last time he wanted to hug someone this badly, to make his body a wall, a kind of shield between Dorian and his father.

"You wanted the best for you. For your fucking legacy. Anything for that," Dorian counters bitterly as Halward tries to argue that his actions had been in the best interest of his son. June never knew his father, he died before he was born. His relationship with his mother had always been a strong, good and supportive one. But June imagines that it must be difficult, with all the pressure of expectations society and cultures tend to put on family being the end all be all, to stand up to a parent like this, regardless of how bad the hurt, or how much in the wrong one's parents might be. It's hardly the time to say so, but June feels... proud of his friend for sticking up for himself.

He makes his way to stand beside him as Dorian leans against the nearby table turning his back on Halward.

"He's your father, Dorian. What and how much that means, I wouldn't presume to tell you. I'm here for you, not him," June offers quietly. "Whatever you choose, I'll support you." Dorian's eyes are wide for a moment, as though he expected something different, though what that might have been exactly, June doesn't know. Finally, Dorian nods, a fleeting twitch of a rueful smile from behind his mustache as he looks at the elf.

"Let's just go," Dorian says softly. June nods, walking out beside him without a backward glance.

[isabelasfriendfiction]

The Card

A recounting of an in-game scene in which Donahue expresses his affection(?) for Finch in the only way he knows how: cryptically and awkwardly. For better or worse, Finch isn't much better at communicating. Donahue is @brick-brooke's character!

{ao3 link}

Finch sat at one of the tables in the Wishing Well’s loft area, tinkering with various metal bits and pieces with unclear purpose to most who would walk by. At one point, a shadow cast over her work announced the arrival of a visitor. Finch looked up to see Donahue standing there, making no attempt at a greeting.

“Oh, hey,” Finch said, eyebrows raised. “What’s up?”

“Hi,” was all Donahue said. After a small hesitation, he handed her a folded piece of paper, clearly torn out of a notebook judging by its soft edge. The front was blank.

Finch cast Donahue a quizzical look.

Clearing his throat, Donahue said, “It’s a card. You don’t have to keep it.”

“I can see that,” Finch said slowly. “Why...?”

“Do you know what a card is?” His gaze was expectant; he wanted her to open it.

Finch rolled her eyes. “Yes, I know what a card is, jackass. It’s just you usually... you don’t...” Finch trailed off, realizing how stupid it sounded to try explaining how greeting cards worked. “Fine.” She opened the card and tried to ignore its author watching her intently as she read it.

Finch, Sorry for getting the last blow on your brother. I know you probably wanted it. But I guess we’re even over Lillian now.

Finch cracked a bemused smile, glancing back up at Donahue. “Didn’t want to just say those words out loud to me, huh?”

“Not really,” Donahue said, impassive as ever.

Weirdo, but whatever. “Well, no apology needed. I’m not mad at you over this.” She wagged the card. “Zal’gaelin is dead and that’s what counts.”

“Sometimes closure is nice to get on stuff like that. Last words and all.” Donahue shifted on his feet. “Is there... anything you wanted to say to him?”

Finch blinked, considering the question. “No. He terrorized me my whole childhood. Not much to say there other than ‘fuck you,’ which I’ve already done plenty. And then he would’ve just said ‘fuck you’ back.”

“Are you going to reach out to your other brother or sister?”

He’s chatty today, Finch thought. So many questions, and while Donahue’s face became less stiff with each one, he was still difficult to read. Finch kept her wondering to herself and replied, “My other brother as in Lorel’onas? Absolutely not, he’s an asshole. Why would I do that?”

“Well, with you being heir to the throne now—” Finch gritted her teeth at the reminder. “—I thought you might want to check if your other siblings changed their minds about abdicating. Or if they wanted to help.”

That elicited a derisive snort from Finch. She leaned back in her seat and crossed her arms. “Lorel’onas wants nothing to do with me.” She paused, then sighed. “But you’re right, maybe I should contact my sister. It’s just... weird.”

“She tried talking to you about a year ago, right?”

“At the Horowitz party, yeah. I was fresh out of the palace and too paranoid to believe she was on my side. Like, she never contributed to the rest of my family being shitty, but also...”

“She never stopped it,” Donahue supplied, nodding. “You’ve changed a lot in the past year. Maybe she has too.”

Finch raised an eyebrow. “She’s an elf, I kind of doubt that. But... I guess I have.” She couldn’t articulate how, but Finch knew she wasn’t the same jumpy, terrified fugitive that had run away. Part of her wanted to ask Donahue how he thought she’d changed, but she couldn’t bring herself to, perhaps afraid of the answer.

The lull in conversation allowed the fact that Donahue had just been standing next to Finch the whole time to sink in. Finch shifted in her seat, sitting up somewhat straighter. “You know, you can like, sit down,” she said, gesturing to the empty seat across the table.

“No.” Donahue’s response was immediate, and with it his face reverted right back to its normal stoniness. “I have stuff I need to do.”

“Oh. All right.” What should have been a snarky, Okay, fuck you too, came out a pathetic concession instead thanks to an unexpectedly profound sense of disappointment. She nearly hissed at herself, hoping Donahue hadn’t noticed.

If he did, he didn’t say anything. Without so much as a goodbye, he walked away.

“Bye...” Finch muttered, shaking her head and turning to continue her previous task.

Absent-mindedly, Finch turned the card in her hands over, ready to set it down, but was met by something on the back of it: a sketch of a formal suit, with enough details to show embroidery along the trim and for the thought that it looked nice to cross Finch’s mind. The “card” had likely been torn out of the journal Donahue coveted so much, and one of Donahue’s hobbies was fashion. It didn’t surprise her that he might sketch outfits before taking the ideas to the tailor.

And then Finch noticed the mostly-erased remnants of the suit’s occupant; a smudge where the head should be was not quite obscured enough to hide the unique pair of twisting horns. Finch’s horns.

She stared. What the fuck?

Plenty of images had been drawn—painted, even—of her in the palace. But those were all portraits of Princess Ven’thanyrias’elae, the perfect pure-blooded high elven royal child the emperor pretended he had. Nobody had ever, to her knowledge, drawn Finch before, let alone on their own whim. Not that she necessarily wanted people to, but the sight of this simple, half-erased sketch was causing a host of strange sensations in her guts, like her organs were twisting themselves into knots—

As if the paper would burn her if she held onto it any longer, Finch shoved it into a pocket. Weird internal shit was best left for later, once she could be alone in her room, not here where anyone could walk by at any moment. This is a problem for future Finch, she told herself as she turned to the welcome distraction of trinkets laid out on the table to fiddle with.

***

Past Finch is a bitch, future Finch thought. Being alone with her thoughts later didn’t exactly help the gut-churning issue. At least she could prevent anyone from encountering her in the sanctum that was her room. The door had at least five different locks on it of various types; a practical collection for both study and keeping even the nosiest of friends out. Not even Kanai would be getting in here without Finch’s express permission.

Finch lay nestled in the veritable fortress of plush blankets and pillows that made up her bed, located in a makeshift loft six feet off the ground in one corner of the room. She felt anything but cozy, however; the card was once more in her hands and she had resumed boring holes into it with her stare. Cricket trilled softly as he played some sort of game with himself, darting between pillows.

A tangled mess of thoughts, questions and assumed answers, bombarded Finch’s brain: So he envisioned the outfit with her in mind? (Yes, of course he did, he drew you in it.) Did he mean for her to see this? (He wouldn’t be careless enough to accidentally leave something like this there.) But why erase her from it? (Because he’s embarrassed?) And why not just show her directly? (Also because he’s embarrassed.) Why the hell would he be embarrassed? (He gets embarrassed if you look at him wrong. It’s part of why he’s fun.) If he did intend for her to see it, why tell her to throw it away? (I don’t know.) And what was he hoping for her to do in response to seeing it? (I don’t know.) Why was she thinking so damn hard about this? (I don’t know!)

At this point Finch’s face burned; her intense thoughts might as well have been overheating her head. But she couldn’t stop them.

Cricket slithered between Finch’s arms to rest his head on her chin, a wave of concern emanating from him. That helped break the loop her thoughts were stuck in. Finch took a deep breath and smiled at Cricket, giving him a pat on the head for his trouble.

Moving on, then. The way she saw it, Finch had a few options for handling this:

Ignore it. Toss the card and pretend she hadn’t seen the drawing. Eliminate the chance of a supremely weird conversation altogether.

Talk to Donahue about it. Given he hadn’t acknowledged it himself during their conversation, this seemed like a guaranteed ticket to an awkward conversation.

Respond in kind with a card of her own. Turn it into a game. But this relied on Donahue having intended for Finch to see it.

Despite the first option being the easiest by far, Finch felt reluctant to choose it. The mystery was too intriguing; the potential interaction too enticing; the gesture too nice to simply throw away.

Option 2 might get answers fast, but held a high risk of mortification for both parties. Finch could envision Donahue clamming up entirely at being confronted with evidence of his kindness. Or, if that didn’t happen, he could potentially hold the fact that she’d kept the card over her. Finch would rather die than allow that to pass.

That left option 3. Finch loved a good game, especially with Donahue, so the idea was slowly growing on her. A considerable hurdle remained, however: if she didn’t get confirmation that Donahue wanted her to respond, the same issues as option 2 remained.

If any of the rest of SPF had known she was still awake, Finch had no doubt they’d tell her to sleep. With how agitated her thoughts were, though, that wasn’t an option for the time being. Finch sat up. “Come on, Cricket. We need to brainstorm.”

[alma-amentet]

TES crushes.

Which NPCs in TES (all games included!) do you crush on, and why? They don't have to be marriage candidates (in vanilla), just people you find yourself blushing around. Hell, it could be a Deadric Prince if that's what you're into. Name them and say what about them you find appealing! Then feel free to tag a friend or two!

tagged by @dirty-bosmer (thank you, I had a lot of fun writing this! 💓)

Tagging IDK who's been tagged but @bardcambion and @the-sunlit-earth and everyone else who might wantto do this.

Maybe not exactly crushes, but most memorable characters

Indrele Rathryon One of the first and most memorable persons I met. Much later I learned her backstory and became even more sympathetic. I headcanon her being kind to Elerra (my Nerevarine, also a very Cyrodiilic dunmer), giving her shelter and help. So later Elerra was happy to help her in return and retrieve her land. Speaking of which...

Gentleman Jim Stacey Really a gentleman. I love all Bal Molagmer questline. Thieves guild, too. Actually Elerra headed the Thieves guild in the end and led a happy secluded life in this position. As for all that Akaviir talk - just rumours, maybe, she spread them herself. She was also very anti slavery.

Eldafire. Not so dear as Indrele, but memorable, too. I enjoyed making up her backstory from all the small details (exploring her house). First of all, Eldafire might be affiliated with those cave bandits she asks us to take care of (I really saw her coming pretty close there, out of town). So she got into some dirty business and trouble trying to get money, owed those bandits in the end. Then she tried to get out of it by asking someone to take care of the bandits. Why did she do that? Eldafire has a child, most probably only half-elf, maybe the father was Imperial. That's the reason she's hiding from her own Altmer family in Morrowind, they would never accept this. She has to raise the child and is used to wealthy life, but her currently can't quite afford it, hence her big tax debt.

(need to find the notes from last Morrowind Walkthrough, maybe, there are more interesting headcanons)

Crassius Curio (yes, the uncle 😊) I'm sure he's way more complex and clever than he seems, just hiding under the buffoon mask. And actually I admire this. My headcanon is one day he shed off that mask before Elerra and they became sort of good friends.

Skink-in-the-Treeshade - just loved how reasonable he was. Must have been tough for argonian in Morrowind at those times, yet he had such a high position, moreover, in Telvanni lands... Really interesting. That guy rocks for sure, I see him as the next arch mage (Elerra helped Skink, she didn't need it herself being OK with the thieves and all that Nerevarine thing).

Lord Vivec himself - my favorite guy of all the Tribunal. The sermons are priceless! 😆

Captain Burd. Don't know why, I imagine my HoK Amelia being buddies with him. No matter how I tried, couldn't finish Battle for Bruma with zero losses, in the he was the one who died and I accepted that loss. But Amelia really missed him.

Sabine Laul and Rasheeda Just remembered them and frequented them the most, the latter is my main armorer trainer (which is priceless, so at some point I didn't need her service anymore ... but still dropped to say hello 😊)

Uthgerd the Unbroken - one and only wife! Married her ASAP when I had the amulet and could do it, but never regretted. I think she's really kind on the inside and also protective. It's fun to see her doing all the house chores or sleeping while still wearing the armor.

Serana - she's just fun and reminds me of MH Draculaura. Fantasy AU Draculaura! 😆 I was really charmed by her, despite being not a fan of vampires really.

Mjoll the Lioness - if I met her earlier than Uthgerd, perhaps I'd choose her... But well she has a guy tagging along, they're quite happy together. She's still a friend and one of my most beloved companions. I love how she's very chatty, friendly and cheerful all the time!

[sorcerous-caress]

Ugh, it finally happened! Khal'ian and Kira's saves are fully cooked! So close to finishing act3 with my boy! 😓

Well, it gives me an excuse to finally remake Kira or create Khal'ian's in-lore manic best-friend Issal.

Welp, time to test honor mode with new subclasses!🤗

I'll work on more Wyll/Kira drabbles later tonight, but I have a question.

Do any of your Tav/Durges co-exist? Would they be pre-game friends/foes/lovers? I find it fun to branch out and see the characters I create interact with each other.

-githzerai anon

You can try to downgrade the game version and script extender versions to finish the saves off if you were really close to the end!

Also in the new endgame epilogue, Voss sends a letter that mentions the githzerai canonly in game! I thought of you when i saw it. If you're okay with spoilers lmk and I'll post it.

Also dude, honour mode is fucking brutal. One save file, you can't reload and if you die in the tutorial ship the whole save is nuked. All the rolls are inflated with a higher check number, I couldn't recruit Us because i failed the mutiliate roll despite having advantage. So many other people mentioned failing the Wyll Karlach pers roll and the pulling Gale out of the portal roll too. It's full on sadistic and I'm loving it but I can't go far yet because I'm still waiting on my favourite mod to update.

As for the Tav/Durge question, they definitely share a common dragon theme, I based them on different dragon species for fun.

First Tav was based on a gold dragon, friendly, chatty, noble heritage, extroverted and flirty. Romanced Astarion. Backstory is them being a noble supposed to take over the head of their family soon but got kidnapped, comes back to finding out the previous head got murdered and everyone in their family is a suspect except them since they were far away. Their dream person was a half-elf women. Gets thrown off the ship with a small baby red dragon that serves their family, followed them here. Hoards eggs/gold/gems.

First Durge was based on a red dragon, prideful, rude, arrogant, easily jealous, competitive and loves flattery. Romanced Minthara. They're not native to Baldur's Gate and instead come from a far away land in the east, they don't remember much since losing their memory, they hold a lot of Gortash themed stuff in their inventory not knowing why or who it belonged to. Their dream person was a drow man. Hoards bones/skulls/corpses.

Latest Tav is based on a brass dragon, loves to talk/sing, overconfident, cute, bad at being humble, anime magical girl tropes. Romanced Wyll. Multiclassed into bard, backstory is that they are a famous popstar that recently went solo from their band, too used to only dealing with fans so they tend to be offputting to normal people, they were touring in Baldur's Gate when they got kidnapped. Their dream person was a dragonborn man (mod). Hoards books/art/statues.

How do they relate? I'm not sure, maybe they're the same person but a different dragon lineage each time that drastically alters their life? Maybe they're long lost siblings? Maybe they don't know each other.

Well except two of them. I made a durge high elf guy for Minthara to abuse on a playthrough once, he is friends with my first Tav and i made them his dream person but they got separated ontop of the ship.

I mostly think about how my characters would interact with other people's characters, I think most of my Tavs or Durges would be indifferent to each other.

Khal'ian for example, I can say my first Tav would consider him a friend, maybe get a bit protective.

First Durge would be condcending with him and compares his shortcomings to Laezel a lot.

Latest Durge would be very friendly and think he needs encouragement to get out of his shell, might even be pushy about it.

I try to switch up the companions too on each playthrough to make it like it's an alternative dimension where every shifted a bit. Aka the werewolf Shadowheart au or the younger Gale one, since the more playthroughs you do, the more dialogue and scenes you start skipping so their canon plot gets old quickly and writing your own sounds more interesting.

But i do make them all human, all of my characters except that one high elf guy made specifically for Minthara. I genuinely have the biggest hard on for humans. i really think they're neat.

And my first dnd character was a dragonborn paladin yet here i am in human sorcerer heaven/hell?

What about you anon? Do Kira and Khal'ian know each other? What about the best friend you mentioned? Do any of them co-exist?

First Tav - Gold Dragon

First Durge - Red Dragon

Latest Tav - Brass Dragon

[fademirrored]

gamma: Hero of Ferelden

“Look, your business can be your business as soon as it doesn’t involve me. Until then, I consider myself entitled to know.”

Temry Mahariel Warden-Commander. Arl of Amaranthine. Hero of Ferelden. Dalish elf.

Nonbinary. They/them. Pansexual, polyamorous. 27 Drakonis, 9:08 Dragon. Fereldan Lowlands Rogue; archer. Ranger, bard, shadow.

Eyes: Dark green, gold-ish central heterochromia. Large. Hair: Dark red-brown, smooth, pin straight, down to their hips. They keep it up in a high ponytail but rarely succeed at keeping their bangs out of their face. Skin: Golden bronze, tan. Many freckles, but most of them sort of blend in. Very calloused hands. Height: 5'8". Build: Lean, leggy, and sinewy, but with incredible shoulders, back, and forearms. Notable Details: Andruil vallaslin, simplified version, gold-ish reddish brown-ish ink; does amazing things for their cheekbones. Dark veins in their eyes from their time with the Taint. Voice: Radio show Crowley.

Positives: Fairly steady, mentally and emotionally; it takes a lot to rock them emotionally, and they’re good at maintaining an even-keel even once they’ve started getting exasperated with a situation. Reliable; if they say they’re going to do something, then either they’re going to get it done or they’re going to realize it can’t be done, but they aren’t going to abandon a task half-finished. Practical; they’re unlikely to get distracted by fanciful distractions, and they’re very good at pointing out the obvious thing that everyone else seems to be missing. Protective of what they’ve decided is theirs, be it people, things, ideas, or otherwise, even if that protectiveness is sometimes shaped like tough love. Negatives: Sees rules as optional, especially if they’ve decided those rules make no sense, be it in combat or otherwise; they’re going to take whatever shortcuts are most convenient. Can and will use emotional weak points to win an argument, even against friends or loved ones, and probably won’t apologize if they still feel justified about it. Worry wart, overly cautious; growing up with Tamlen, they fell into the ‘I’m going to worry about this because you clearly aren’t going to’ role more often than not, and it’s a tendency they aren’t chomping at the bit to shake. ��Me and mine’ focused, otherwise less concerned about doing what’s best than they are about doing what gets the job done. Neutrals: Ambivert. Pragmatic. Snarky, in a deadpan ‘this is what we’re doing?’ or ‘do you realize what you sound like?’ way. Sarcastic, usually sort of gently. Optimist vs. Pessimist: Optimistic, with a ‘we are GOING to make this world a better place or SO HELP ME’ bent. Quirks: Paces a lot. Like, a lot. Tends to speak very efficiently, saying the most with as few words as possible; it’s not that they aren’t chatty, but just that they don’t like droning on. Tends to mumble to themself if they’re reasoning through a situation.

Religion: Believes in the Creators, but practices less as time passes. Likes: Music, be it instrumental or singing, though they do enjoy singing slightly more. Storytelling. Crossbows. Elemental bolts or arrows. Similarly, bolts/arrows that give status afflictions. Venison. Duck. Turkey. Knows how to make moonshine, the stronger the better. Dislikes: Being made to feel like a novelty, being gawked at. Being talked down to. Politics. Getting roped into other’s problems. Feeling like they’re losing control of a situation. Favorite Colors: Goldenrod. Tawny brown. Fern green. Hobbies: Archery. Singing. Learns how to play a hurdy-gurdy eventually, after the Blight. Hunting. Leather-working. String games. Gambling, though generally for nonsense/worthless stakes.

Family: Sabrae clan. Direct family deceased. Dog: Lethallin. Other Critters: Nehn, weasel. Atisha, barn owl. Samahl, crow. Dalen, fennec. Sabrae, hart. All collected gradually. Romance: Had a long-running crush on Tamlen. Romanced Morrigan. Friends: Alistair. Leliana. Sten. Anders. Oghren. Velanna. Justice. Note: Got along pretty well with basically everyone, all things considered. *everything in this sectioncan of course be tweaked or disregarded entirely for specific threads, if you’d rather.

[ajarofbees]

The hero of Fereldan: The Best: unsurprisingly, as they are grey wardens from the jump, Cvetka and Fiore would probably slot in "best" in place of my Mahariel and follow along pretty closely to the original events. sure neither of them were originally conscripted, but they both have a sense of purpose from their identity as rook that would transfer over to being the HoF. i would probably give cvetka an edge over fiore though--despite getting into "shenanigans" and occassionally shit-stirring, she's got a good head on her shoulders, which would serve her well in the absolute shit show that that is leading a small gaggle of freaks around fereldan. fiore and alistair would be, and i say this with all the love in my heart, two dumb bitches just going 'exactlyyyyy' at each other. the worst: Dionysus de Riva. i havent talked about this lame party boy very much, but if you want someone to shoulder the responsibility of being one of the last grey wardens in fereldan to fight off the blight, you do not want someone who takes to the crow lifestyle like a bloodthirsty duck to water. runner up is Vehris Aldwir, since their quieter and more 'do my own thing' nature might backfire in this situation. the funniest: hakiem laidir. You Call Tossing Dynamite Around A Martial Arts?

The Champion of Kirkwall: The Best (with the caveat that i dont know if you can call any version of being the champion as 'the best' considering (waves hands around) all that happens): Dietlinde Ingellvar. Protective of her family and habitually shouldering responsibility as "the stronger one", shes basically a particularly stoic blue/red hawke already! the main problem is she's a qunari which. considering the plot of the middle of the game...... might be a small problem (big problem). the other one is Bacchus de Riva--despite his jokey and purposefully lazy nature, hes shrewd and can grab advantages even when hes on the backfoot. practically a purple mage hawke! the worst: putting aside Dietlinde and Dorothea, since a qunari hawke might be interesting but also for someone whos way better at planning things than me, i'll put toss Hakiem Laidir in again because what if purple hawke's personality was also mixed with da2 isabela AND varric's is..... well it would be funny! i just dont know how good a champion he would be since he is a firm believer in "if it sucks..... hit da bricks!" the funniest: vehris aldwir. what if hawke, famously chatty with deranged dialogue options, was an elf who said a a few words after listening to everyone else speak paragraphs of dialogue.

the inquisitor: the best: bacchus again, being experienced in cutthroat politics and also making people underestimate him by playing the fool. the uh religious movement thing is new and stopping him from running back to antiva but. you know. roll with the punches. other considerations include Cvetka Thorne, for similar reasons to her being the HoF and Dietlinde Ingellvar, who is a bitch you can trust to Get Shit Done. the worst: Dorothea Ingellvar. selling a necromancer straight from the necroplis as the Herald of Andraste when she keeps doing Definitely Not Blood Magic would be. absolutely wild. she would not stop doing it either, so imagine josie trying to spin a skyhold staffed by skeletons. the funniest: Hakiem Laidir (again). getting a dwarf involved in fade nonesense is always hilarious, but what if he also tossed dynamite around and couldn't stop stealing things? runner up for funniest is fiore, if only because his backstory ties into the events of inquisition, so he would be 13 or 14 and running around as the herald of andraste. god. thats hilarious.

thanks!!

Rook Introduction Hour 2/17/25

Hello, Heroes of Thedas! 🌟 It's Monday morning, which sucks, but it's also Rook Intro Hour day, which is fun! Yay!

How it works: I ask you a question about your Rook(s) and you answer it with as much brevity or verbosity as you desire. You can do this whenever you want, and I’ll reblog it + add some comments! There’s no time limit— if you want to do the older ones, they are collected here! (The post is updated on Fridays!)

Today's Question(s): If your Rook had been in the role of one of the protagonists of the other Dragon Age games, how would they have have done? Could they have saved Fereldan from the Blight? Become the Champion of Kirkwall? Led the Inquisition? How would it have changed them as a person? Impacted their emotional state?

Answer whatever you want, and have fun!

[hayleysayshay]

Okay what r ur thoughts on Percy and vexs kids i must know

Omg anon thanxxxx I have many thoughts. I don't know why i gave a few sentences for the de rolo siblings but for the kids you're getting a good chunky boi lol.

One thing is that I keep flip flopping whether or not they’re half-elves or quarter elves (as Vex has the blood of a full elf in her, they could be half elves in an interpretation of lore). I tend to just prefer half-elves so I know they’ll outlive Vex tbh though I am not wedded to the idea.

Vesper: She is the oldest child and acts like the oldest child. She loves Whitestone and as soon as she turns into a teenager she wants to rule. She feels a bond with Pelor as she's plane touched, and will often pray for her family's sake when they're going through difficult times, especially when her parents and aunt seem sad, lost, stuck in grief and trauma. She differs with Percy on this a lot, but she gets along well with both her parents, other than matters of Whitestone. She gets along well with Cassandra, who does eventually cut through to Vesper that she can't just give her whole life up to Whitestone at a young age, so I like to think she agrees and Vesper spends time in other cities learning and studying for a year or so, keeping close to Pelor's temples, but just feels homesick for Whitestone so would never leave long-term. Enjoys riding but doesn't enjoy the outdoors much and never liked hunting or anything to do with the grey hunt as a special force, and isn't physically inclined and only knows 'a few' offensive cleric spells. Men and women throw themselves at her feet with marriage proposals, not sure if she'd ever accept any.

Wolfe: Slightly older than Leona and proud of it. He is a smarmy lil boy who think he's the absolute shit, and think he's more charismatic than he actually is. Of all the siblings he wants the glory of being a hero like Vox Machina the most, and becomes a fairly good all-rounded fighter. However, despite being a bit of an apparent fuck-boi, he has a childhood sweetheart he marries early on.

Leona: More level-headed than her brother. She's less of adventurer and has Percy's tinkering spirit. Unlike Percy, she sits and talks his ear off when she's tinkering. She is very chatty and friendly. She loves building things mechanically but doesn't have the aversion to magic her father does. Bit more of a flirt than Wolfe, string of broken hearts behind her. I could see her moving away to help continue with the rebuilding of Emon when she's in her twenties.

Wolfe and Leona: Vex notes how as the pair are twins they're close, but they don't have that intense, dependent bond that she and Vax had, which is probably a good thing becaue these two grew up not needing to depend on each other. Unlike Vesper, both enjoyed the outdoors, exploring, the grey hunt. Both are far more extraverted. When they're adults, they decide to travel, and Leona keeps Wolfe in check. They join an adventuring party and do some good deeds (far more minor) EDIT AS I AM WRITING THIS WHAT IF THEY JOINED THE DARRINGTON BRIGADE??? like they become loyal members throughout their lives, they sometimes just join an adventure as a twin bonding exercise despite living apart.

Vax'ildan: They call him 'Dan.' A mumma's boy when he's young. Good with animals, the grey hunt makes him cry, and he becomes a vegetarian (at least for a period of time). Close with Auntie Keyleth and enjoys Zeprah a lot, I could see him joining the Ashari as a druidy boy. I think when he's young, because he's so close with Vex he just doesn't see much of his father. But as he gets older, he likes taking his textbooks on animals and nature into his father's workshop and quietly reading whilst his father works, enjoying the background noise his father makes whilst he creates. Both get that the other needs space (this quiet time is sometimes ruined by Leona, who eventually realises that she should maybe leave them alone), and Dan is close with both.

Gwendolyn: A little angel girl who just happens to look like a devil. When she's a baby she cries a lot and Percy soothes her better, I think because he had the pact with Ipkesh. Vex and Percy are honest with Gwen and the children (as their other kids could have a tiefling because of Percy) that Percy is the reason they have a tiefling BUT with the rest of Whitestone and visiting parties Vex is like 'yeah?? maybe it was me??? what of it??'. Whitestone accepts Gwendolyn as she is (said before but I think after everything that happened in whitestone, the people of whitestone would be quick to realise that tieflings are not a cause of evil or pain) and Gwen has a very peaceful, loving childhood. Still daddy's little girl growing up, but as she get's older she enjoys the grey hunt with her mother, and I just picture Gwen with a full body camoflage outfit on with only her eyes visible to give her the ability to blend in. She does enjoy combat sports a little, but is mostly 'dainty' and charming and friendly, Whitestone adore her. People start proposing marriage to her as well. Maybe she's a little chaotic and accepts a few, before ending them shortly after, but she would settle down and be adored by a loving partner. I think she could rule Whitestone in Cassandra's place on the council with Vesper--- I think Gwen would be a little naïve/easily swayed on her own, but would be a very dedicated ruler for the people and adored.

[lightblueminecraftorchid]

Yanno, I see a lot of posts about how autistic people identify a lot with robots and aliens, and I agree, those are good ones. But they aren’t the only ones. Sure, I thought I was an alien a la Escape to Witch Mountain for a couple years, but do you know what my favorite Christmas movie was?

Elf.

Why, you may ask?

Because Buddy the Elf is the quintessential representation of “We don’t operate on the same social rules”. He is loud, he is cheerful, he eats candy and spaghetti for breakfast with pop tarts on top, and he gets a happy ending. (Obv I have distinct thoughts about the romance plot in that movie but that’s a different topic.)

Fundamentally, what made that movie so appealing was that Buddy was, to his core, very very weird. He’s too elfin to fit in with humans, and too human to fit in with elves. He’s extremely skilled in multiple different crafts (have you SEEN that shop scene in Kimbel’s?), but because he’s not an elf, it’s not good enough. He’s not fast enough, he doesn’t sing right, he’s too awkward, and he consistently misses social cues in the culture he grew up in.

And then he moves to New York City, and he somehow fits in worse! He doesn’t understand how to interact with strangers, often to his detriment; he loves people and talking to them, and so he assumes people will reciprocate in the same way. He takes given information very literally (remember the Best Cup Of Coffee scene?) His father not immediately wanting to readjust his life around Buddy is a genuine shock. In either place, Buddy cannot fit the required social norms, and this lack of fitting causes real and frightening consequences. Buddy’s dad almost loses out on an important deal, and then almost gets fired. The TV stand gets cut up into a rocking horse. Buddy gets a restraining order from Kimbel’s because he figures out that the Santa at work isn’t the real Santa. Those consequences are real. Buddy even ends up in jail at one point!

And, in the end, Buddy doesn’t get a bad ending, nor does he have to “fix” himself to find a happy life. He can be his cheerful, forward, chatty self; kids love that type of engagement, and he spends his life reading stories to kids! He reconnected with the father that raised him, and his wife, instead of asking Buddy to dress/act normal, participates with him! He fixes Santa’s sleigh! His family, his birth family, who has only known him for a short time, end the movie by actively choosing their weird talkative son over the comfortable life they had, and it’s a good thing.

Anyway I loved Elf as a kid. It makes me cringe to watch it, now that I get some of the more adult jokes, but gosh it was great to have that example of being weird and still being loved as a child.

[jaskierswolf]

The Shape of Love Pt.4/6

Previous

Geralt tugged at the ropes that were holding him captive and growled in frustration. He tried to remember the fight that had led to this cave. The farmer, the crops… the sylvan. He groaned and pulled harder but it was no use. He was stuck.

“This is the part where we escape.” Jaskier half laughed behind him, sounding far too calm for someone who had been captured by a devil and their elves.

“Jaskier.” Geralt growled. “Why are you still here?”

The shifter could have escaped. The ropes weren’t made from dimeritium so Jaskier could have shifted into something smaller and ran away. The blithering idiot was still here because he wanted to be. No wonder he sounded like a cat that had gotten the cream.

Geralt decided that he needed to reevaluate his choice in friends.

“Well as a human, I couldn’t possibly break free.” Jaskier said pointedly. “Oh hello, who are—”

Jaskier’s cheery greeting was cut off by the she-elf punching him in the gut. She spat out angrily in Elder.

“Beast? Really? Wow.” Jaskier muttered. “Never heard that one before. Oi! That’s my lute. Give that back. Quick. Geralt. Do your, your witchering-”

A second elf had Jaskier’s lute and by the sounds of it was starting to strum haphazardly on the strings. Jaskier was squirming against the ties but still not shifting.

Geralt knew that Jaskier was cautious about his abilities. As far as Geralt was aware, no one else knew that Jaskier was a shifter, apart from his estranged family. Geralt supposed that Jaskier’s childhood had taught him that his abilities were something to be feared, that humans would see him as a freak, that he would be hurt and imprisoned.

So why had Jaskier shown Geralt so easily?

Why had he trusted a monster slayer of all people?

Maybe his self-preservation instinct was just that low. He could save himself and his lute by shifting. He could probably save Geralt too.

Bloody bard.

“Does Mister Fuzzball not want to help?” Geralt muttered.

Jaskier grumbled something under his breath and elbowed Geralt in the back.

The elf had had enough of their bickering and yelled at them to shut up, so naturally Jaskier just had to talk back. Geralt was losing his patience with the bard, this would have all been so much easier if he would just shift! He silently vowed to only let Jaskier join him on hunts again if he was in a less fragile form. Fighting monsters as a wolf was one thing but as a human bard? Not so useful.

“Do you want to die right now?” The elf asked bitterly.

“As opposed to later?” Geralt shot back.

“No, please, not the lu —” Jaskier grunted as the she-elf kicked him in the chest. Geralt felt the impact and Jaskier pushed against his back. The sound of lute strings twanged in the cave in time with the kick.

“Leave off!” Geralt growled, pulling again at the ropes. If Jaskier wasn’t going to help himself then it was up to Geralt to defend them. “He’s just a bard.” He lied.

It didn’t help, much. The elf turned her attacks on Geralt but at least she was leaving Jaskier alone. The same could not be said about the bard’s lute, the first fatality of their adventure.

Jaskier, forgetting his reluctance to shift, decided to challenge the elf. The feral little shit.

He was far too chatty as a human. Geralt really should have expected that. Even as an animal he was constantly purring, or whining, or chattering away as whatever animal he’d decided on. If he wasn’t vocalising his thoughts then he would let Geralt know what he was thinking by clawing, biting, flicking his ears or tail, or licking him in the face. There was rarely a moment where the shifter was still, not whilst he was awake.

Geralt didn’t mind… when they weren’t fighting for their lives.

“You hide in your golden palaces. You beat a bound man, too scared to even look him in the eye!” Jaskier yelled at the elf.

“Jaskier!” Geralt snapped but it was too late.

“Do you like my place? Hmm?” The elf knelt down next to Geralt. She smirked as she tucked a finger under his chin. “Does it live up to the tales you humans tell?”

Geralt seized the opportunity and head butted her. She fell back and Jaskier cheered, cackling as he threw insults back at the elf, but the ferocious elf stayed down. Geralt hadn’t been expecting that. He’d hit her hard enough to knock her away but not hard enough to seriously damage her. It had been self-defence. He wasn’t in the habit of hunting elves.

“Wait, what’s wrong with her?” Jaskier’s voice changed from jeering to concerned in a heartbeat.

Geralt smiled faintly at that. Of course Jaskier would feel sympathy for their captures.

“She’s sick.” A new voice spat, instantly commanding the room.

He was in charge then.

Filavandrel. He was an interesting person, Geralt thought. He cared deeply for those under his protection but his own pride stopped him from really being able to help them. He let the sylvan steal grain for them but did nothing to save his species in the long term, and for elves, long term was what mattered. Human lifespans were but a heartbeat to them.

Torque was ironically the most human out of all them. He displayed compassion, the best side of humanity. He cared for both the elves and the humans that they stole from. He protested at Toruviel’s attacks and Geralt almost felt bad for breaking one of his horns… almost. The act had been to defend both his life and Jaskier’s. He wouldn’t regret that.

“What’s two humans in the ground when countless elves have died?” Toruviel spat.

Jaskier’s melodic laugh rang out in the cave, silencing her bitter words.

“Right well. You have something to learn about making assumptions, elf.” Jaskier’s said cheerfully.

The bastard was enjoying this.

“This one” Geralt felt Jaskier wiggle behind him. “is a witcher, Geralt of Rivia.”

“Shut up, human.” Toruviel snapped.

“And I!” Jaskier ignored her “am only human-ish.”

“Human-ish?” The she-elf hissed.

Geralt smirked. “Finally going to lend a hand, bard?”

“Honestly, dear witcher, I thought you would have gotten us out by now. Clearly I overestimated your abilities.” Jaskier teased him with laughter in his voice.

“Just fucking shift.” Geralt groaned. Once Jaskier was loose, Geralt would be able to free himself.

There was a familiar crack of bones and the ropes went slack around his chest. The elves in the room were visibly shocked as Jaskier shifted. Geralt was finally able to turn around to check on his friend, he laughed when he saw the pile of clothes where Jaskier had once sat. He reached out to help Jaskier out of the pile but found a blade at his throat instead.

“Where is he?” Filavandrel asked calmly.

Geralt looked up at the blond elf and slowly reached out a hand into the pile of clothes. He heard a squeak as he gripped the small bundle of fur. He pulled Jaskier out of the bundle of blue fabric by his tail and the red squirrel scurried up his arm and then leapt to land on Filavandrel’s shoulder.

The elf seemed taken aback but gently petted Jaskier on the head. “Maybe I should have asked, what is he?” He mused with a gentle laugh.

Geralt smirked. Of course Jaskier would have the elf king wrapped around his little tiny squirrel fingers in an instant.

“Not really sure.” Geralt answered, staying sat on the ground even as Filavandrel moved his sword from Geralt’s neck. “A shifter of some kind, but he’s more powerful than any one I’ve ever met.”

Toruviel snorted. “He’s a squirrel.”

Jaskier barked and leapt onto her head, shifted mid-air into a swallow.

Geralt hummed as he watched the shock and awe on the elves’s faces. Jaskier chirped and ruffled his feathers on top of Toruviel’s head.

“Impressive.” Filavandrel noted and then sighed. “But I can’t let you go. Posada will learn that we’ve been stealing. The humans will attack. Many will die… on both sides.”

Geralt narrowed his eyes at the elf and growled. Filavandrel had his blade back at Geralt’s throat.  He didn’t flinch. He felt lighter now that Jaskier was free. Even if he got killed he knew that Jaskier would escape. The elves would no doubt underestimate Jaskier’s shifting ability.

His only hope was to try and talk Filavandrel down, show that he wasn’t a threat. Maybe he could even convince the elves to stop their self imposed segregation and help them to survive.

He didn’t get a chance.

Jaskier had pounced at Filavandrel, a large russet wolf with bright shining blue eyes, baring his teeth and a growl rumbling in his chest. Filavandrel’s sword clattered on the ground and the other two elves suddenly had weapons drawn and pointed at the wolf.

“Jaskier, stand down!” Geralt yelled.

The wolf continued to growl at the elf beneath his paws, but his ears flicked so Geralt knew the shifter had heard him, fucking stubborn ass.

Geralt slowly stood up and ran his hands through Jaskier’s thick fur. “Jask, let him go.” He murmured softly.

The wolf whined but sat down on his haunches, releasing the elf king.

Geralt helped Filavandrel to his feet. He hoped the gesture would earn the elf’s trust. He could still negotiate a way out of this cave with no one getting hurt. He just had to keep Jaskier in check.

He kept a hand in Jaskier’s fur as he spoke with Filavandrel. The elf was infuriating. If only he could see the damage he was doing to his people by refusing to mix with the humans. They were going to starve if they kept up like this. The sylvan was stealing too much as it was, the humans were getting suspicious and if the crop yield didn’t improve then the villagers would know that Geralt had failed his contract and they would hire another witcher to go after the Devil of Posada, or rally up a troop of reckless humans to do a witcher’s job.

Filavandrel didn’t listen to Geralt’s reason but the presence of Jaskier in wolf form was enough to stop them from attacking again.

Geralt eventually gave up and just slung the full coin purse that the farmer had given him into the elf’s hands. Filavandrel seemed surprised by his generosity but repaid the favour by handing Geralt a lute, compensation for Jaskier’s broken one. There was an uneasy truce made between them and Filavandrel finally stepped aside to let Geralt and Jaskier go. Geralt scooped up Jaskier’s clothes and they headed out into the bright sunlight.

______________

Jaskier strummed his lute thoughtfully as they strode back towards Posada. Geralt had stood guard whilst Jaskier had shifted back to human form and gotten changed, and by standing guard he meant that Geralt and stood with his back to him and grumbled about how reckless Jaskier had been and that they were both lucky to be alive.

“Stop your moaning, Geralt.” Jaskier sighed as he thought about their adventure, wondering what ballad he could pull from the experience.

“You’re lucky Filavandrel didn’t drive his blade through your heart, Jaskier.” Geralt huffed.

“I. Am. Fine.” Jaskier accentuated each word with a strum of his lute.

“You should have run.” Geralt insisted.

“And leave you? Oh no. No. no. no. Not happening.” Jaskier walked closer to Roach to prove his point. “You know, you’re much less grumpy when I’m in animal form?”

“Hmm.” Geralt grunted.

“It’s easier for you then, isn’t it? To show affection?” Jaskier guessed.

Geralt didn’t reply. He just kicked Roach into a canter and flew off down the path.

Jaskier sighed.

He could catch up with Geralt easily but it would mean dumping his lute and ruining his clothes.

“Oi! Geralt!” He called after the witcher and ran after him. “I’m sorry!” Geralt slowed to a walk to allow Jaskier to catch up, thank fuck, but still didn’t respond. So Jaskier chattered away about their adventure. He hadn’t realised how rough the elves had it. He felt slightly guilty about that. He really should have known. He knew first hand how humans treated those who were different. Geralt stayed silent but made no more effort to run off on him. Eventually Jaskier got bored of his monologue so he began to sing. He had a few false starts but eventually he found an idea that he liked.

Geralt wasn’t so sure.

“That’s not what happened.” He grumbled.

Jaskier rolled his eyes and turned to face Geralt. There was a trace of a smile dancing on the witcher’s lips.

“Where’s your newfound respect?” Geralt asked with a slight tilt of his head.

Jaskier smirked, so the witcher had been listening to him after all.

“Respect doesn’t make history.” He answered, blinking against the bright sunlight, then he continued to work on his composition as he strolled down the path.

Geralt would follow him. He knew that. He may have worried at first what Geralt thought of his human form but the witcher had had plenty of opportunities to leave him throughout their quest.

He suspected that Geralt had grown fond of his company, even if the grumpy bastard wouldn’t admit it.

Sure enough he heard the trot of Roach’s hooves follow him and he smiled as he sang.

__________

Next

[meteor752]

I made a joke post about Legolas and Aragorn adopting a baby Geralt and raising him a few weeks ago, but I can’t get it out of my head, so I’m gonna expand on that AU. First post can be found here

So Legolas and Aragorn are basically just out on a vacation in the eastern part of Middle Earth, just taking a break and chilling around you know, when they stumble upon a child just outside the kingdom of Rivia (Yes I am keeping that)

The child is about three or four years old, with the peculiar outward appearance of big Yellow eyes and almost white hair, and it doesn’t seem to mind being out alone in the middle of the forest.

Both Legolas and Aragorn decide though that they will try to find the child’s parents, and they spend two days in Rivia searching for the parent of the child, or just someone who knows something, but they get no results. Most people are repelled by the child, saying that it’s cursed or the result of witchcraft, and both Aragorn and Legolas take offense by that as they had gotten attached to the child.

On the third day they eventually give up, and after a long discussion they decide to adopt the child, as again, they both got attached real fast.

When the two return to Gondor with the small boy whom they named Geralt, a lot of people get quite surprised, mostly because what and why. Their respective families have the same reaction.

The two realize quickly that Geralt is not a normal child.

First, they have no idea what he is. They first thought human, but when small bursts of magic started to come from him, and when his acute sense of smell was discovered, they scratched that idea.

Second, he refused to part with his wolf medallion. They didn’t know why, it had been inspected by a lot of people, including Gandalf himself, but it didn’t seem to have any type of spell or curse on it that made him so fiercely attached to it. And he couldn’t tell them anything about it because-

-Three, he barely speaks. At first they thought he was mute or deaf or something alike, but that didn’t seem to be the case as he could hear, and he did utter a few words here and there. He just chose not to speak, and mostly made cute little grunts when people spoke to him.

Legolas became a mother hen very quickly, and was very loving towards his strange child, and as a child Geralt didn’t mind it too much. As an adult however, then he just wishes his ada would stop smothering him (He secretly loves it).

Aragorn is a lot less lovey dovey, but still very caring and Geralt loves to be around him. He was very quick with teaching his child both sword techniques and manners, but his major priority was teaching him how to care for a horse.

Geralt was not a shy kid as many people believed, When it came down to it he was more than able to voice his opinion. He just, doesn’t like to talk. And because of that fact, he also grew up to be very poor with words and having a problem formulating himself, which backfired a few times in his life.

The thing is, he doesn’t like when others talk either. He just wants to sit around and brood in silence like the angsty boy he is, but none of his family members allow him to, as they are all very chatty and cheery.

Especially his two uncles Elladan and Elrohir and his aunt Tilda, like whenever either one of them are around he can kiss peace and quiet goodbye for at least a few days. It’s even worse when it’s all three.

Geral’t strange magic became a problem early on, as it was very unpredictable. He could do more simple things like start fires and create a protective shield, but also literally manipulate minds, which was not a pleasant thing, especially as he had a hard time controlling it in his youth.

Gandalf tried his best to teach the boy to control his magic, and he did manage to get a hang of it, but sometimes it could still act out in his adulthood when he felt particularly stressed out or angry.

That wasn’t the only problem that came with Geralt being of unknown origin, as sometimes Aragorn and Legolas didn’t know how to properly raise the boy, and what he really needed.

For example, when Geralt was around seven he fell ill. And with that I mean really ill, many feared that he would not survive.

Both Legolas and Aragorn were devastated and the former spent nearly all his time holding and cuddling his shaking and whimpering baby who was in too much pain for the caring parent to handle, and he started to stop eating just to always be able to be by his son’s side.

Aragorn couldn’t afford to drop all of his duties as king, even though he wanted to, but his mind was very absent during everything he did that did not involve caring for Geralt.

Geralt eventually got better, thankfully, but neither Aragorn nor Legolas would ever forget the fear they had felt for almost five months of their still small and fragile son being so close to death.

Geralt’s magic wasn’t only a bunch of negative stuff, it did also come to some benefits in his youth, especially when it came to worrying his Ada.

At around nine Geralt found out that he could temporarily vanish, aka become invisible, if he focused on it enough, which meant that his parents were forced to place a bell on him just to make out where he was. He took it off quite often and would usually be hanging around his frantic Ada, sipping his juice box and watch the scene unfold,

(And I know that’s not really in the Witcher canon, but I just thought it would be cute and this is my AU so fuck off)

Not too long after Geralt got a half elf cousin by the name of Brand, at at first he was confused by the small thing and why he was supposed to care, but as Brand grew older and learned to sit up and make noise, Geralt hated the small thing and just wished for it’s demise. It did not help that his parents loved the kid and would gladly babysit when the thing’s parents were busy, which meant he was forced to be around it.

When Geralt turned twenty two he left Gondor to find his own path (Much to his Ada’s terror because there’s so many ways for him to get hurt Aragorn how are you so calm about this), only equipped with the bare essentials for a life on the road, including a mare he named Roach, a descendant of Brego.

Geralt was very quick to pick up on his father’s habit of having conversations with his horse, and Roach was quite a good listener.

Geralt found his purpose when a child ran up to him while in a village and asked if he could slay the monster that had killed his sister in exchange for money, as his family had seen his swords.

Geralt complied, partly because he could need the money and partly because it would be nice to help, even though his facial expression remained a grim scowl.

And after killing the thing and nearly dying himself in the process, he figures that he needs to do some research on different types of monsters and how to beat take them down before he starts going about.

He also starts carrying potions with him that he acquires from mages and witches across Middle Earth, just to make it easier to hunt and to heal himself after the fact.

But it is not everyone who appreciates his help unfortunately, as many turn him down just by his strange and uncanny appearance, and by his grim attitude that often scare people off.

It does not help that he introduces himself as Geralt of Rivia instead of Geralt Greenleaf of Gondor, just so people wouldn’t know who he was and treat him differently, but it does result in people having no idea he’s the son of a king and a crown prince so they treat him like shit if they want to.

It does not get better by the events in Blaviken, that Geralt would rather not speak off, especially to his parents.

It is first when he meets a young cheery bard that reminds him of an annoying bird that people start to respect him more, after the bard creates a ballad about him.

(Toss a coin would obviously sound a little different since in this AU the term ‘Witcher’ doesn’t exist and I doubt he would “Thrust every elf far back on the shelf” if he himself is part elf by adoption, but it is till toss a coin)

And both Aragorn and Legolas are just delighted at hearing the song because they are just so happy for their son, if not a little confused on why he is called Geralt of Rivia, but still yay!

(The bardlings love singing it together when they are around each other, as they love their nephew and is also all music loving people)

There’s also the mage that he encounters from time to time (And with encounter I mean they fuck, because well, Geralt is related to both Legolas and Tilda after all), whom the Bard, Jaskier, hates.

And then he gets an invitation to the wedding of Arwen and Éowyn while around both Jaskier and the mage, Yennefer, and they both are just as confused because “Wait you have a family?”

And the minute they find out about Geralt’s large, loud and quite famous and royal family, they are both pestering him about following to the wedding because they want to meet the people who raised Geralt, and he gives in after a lot of nagging and begging.

So when Geralt shows up in Rivendell with a brightly dressed bard and a gothic mage, well let’s just say it’s interesting.

Legolas is delighted that his little Gerry has made some friends while also checking on him that he is alright and Geralt hates in while Yen and Jaskier are having a blast.

Jaskier is really smug about the fact that Geralt is actually related to a bard in a way, with his Ada’s step siblings mother being one, and the three take after her with their own musical talent.

Jaskier and Sigrid gush a lot about different songs together.

And Tilda is just shamelessly flirting with the sexy gothic mage while Geralt regrets every single decision he’s ever made.

And of course Brand is there being an asshole while flirting with Jaskier, and again, Geralt regrets everything.

A betting pool is set up on who they think Geralt will end up with, Jaskier or Yennefer.

Geralt just craves death.

***

I tried to incorporate as much of the Witcher lore as I could, but I also had to take into account how Middle Earth works, which is very hard.

I mean, one is Polish and the other from New Zealand.

I don’t know what Geralt is supposed to be exactly, maybe some sort of Fae or Elf half breed, or maybe he is a mutant like the actual Witcher’s.

Anyways, this was fun, and I really wanna make more of this AU, because I love it. It’s not canon in my Universe though, sadly, because it just wouldn’t work.

[gayvangeance]

HCs for William doing therapy sessions for all those people who got possessed by elves? First it was only him and most of other GS, then Langris and the other captains and even Luck-Gauche join them later out of curiosity (and well it's not easy to live when you almost killed your family/members/friends). Said therapy sessions turn into training and "let's spend more time with William" sessions and suddenly William becomes even more popular haha- (1/2)

anon baby you have a big brain and it's magnificent. The Golden Dawn? Gorgeous. William? Beautiful. Patri? Please take me, sir. Enjoy!! 💞

P.S. I tried to stay organized while writing this but IDEAS

William knew he had to redeem himself somehow. Julius said that the best way of doing so is by continuing to stand with him and fight. Although... William knew that wasn't nearly enough.

He probably thought about it while he was laying down staring at the ceiling. It's like a lightbulb went off above his head.

He introduced the idea in a meeting with the whole squad, and requested that they give their opinions on it within a week.

Once a week came by, most of the members agreed that they would like to have a small session. It's pretty traumatizing to have their bodies taken over and unwillingly kill a ton of people. So it was comforting for everyone to know that they were all in the same boat.

At first, it started out as small group talks and one on one convos with William. As it went on, they all genuinely started to enjoy his presence and he managed to regain a bit of trust.

The members started spreading the news about the therapy sessions and some of the other individuals who got possessed came as well.

Gauche actually allowed Marie to get close to William and talk about how scared she was. Anyone in the room during that discussion most likely bawled their eyes out.

Dorothy stopped by at the HQ too. She wasn't too distraught over it but it was an excuse for free food and macaroons.

William eventually got Patri and the trio to participate in it as well. They're already doing community service but it's a good plan to give the elves a good rep.

Hear me out: Patri helping kids at an orphanage!! And telling the people about some of his adventures around the continent (oh please, you can't tell me this hot light magic user DIDN'T travel and collect shit smh). And even gave some old fancy journals to aspiring writers 🥺

Yeah it took a while for the GD to warm up to him. They all probably had a heart attack seeing him walk in.

Patri: yoo-hoo! whatsup

Golden Dawn and their 1 braincell: oh NO

Rhya, Fana, and Vetto laughed their ASSES off at the interaction. Nonetheless, Fana gave great advice to the members and even made some blankets for them!

Rhya... Rhya was there. I can't see him ACTUALLY participating in it. Vetto chatted with the animal/nature lovers and helped calm them down when needed.

Patri and William being that Therapist Couple™ during the sessions.

William and his squad bonding over card games and food... Please, I need it.

Okay but, William turns into that odd mom figure™? Because before the elf arc, he was always off somewhere and didn't spend too much time with anybody. But now that he has nothing important to hide, he's definitely lowkey chatty and helping more people out.

William buying food for the people who work late and then chatting with them skdhsj PLEASE.

Yknow how therapists recommend a lot of alternative activities if you feel restless, anxious or smth? What if Patri lets some of the members braid and play with his hair omg.

"Mr. Elf your hair is very soft." "Why thank you, it isn't mine"

Would just like to state that both William and Patri give the BEST advice. Patri is a lot more blunt but tbh in some situations that's hella helpful.

[shes-an-oddbird]

Christmas at River’s End Mall

Summary -  A Christmas AU in which everyone navigates their seasonal jobs, relationships and Christmas spirit, or lack there of, through woven together tales inspired by holiday prompts.

Chapter 7- Pictures with Santa

Summary -    Piper goes with Davis and his son to meet Santa before her interview. When she steps away to grab a coffee she ends up meeting someone new.

Prompt - Picture with Santa Relationship - Piper & Davis (Minor Piper/Kora) POV - Piper

Piper flinched as another child, standing way to close, shrieked with joy.

“This is taking too long.”

“I thought you wanted to see your godson meet Santa for the first time.”

“I never said that, I just felt bad that his mother had to work, so I thought his godmother should fill in,” Piper jumped back as several children ran between them. “If I knew it was going to be like this I would have reconsidered.”

Davis bounced his son, James, in his arms. “Don’t you listen to her, she’s just pretending to be grumpy, yes she is, she wouldn’t miss this for the world.”

“Don’t talk like that, you sound like an idiot.” Piper's brow wrinkles in distaste. She hates baby talk. “I should have at least come with coffee.” She wonders if she would have time before her interview to grab a cup. She glances at her watch. It was already cutting it way too close. “I’m going to be late.”

Davis looks down at her amused. “Does it matter, how are you going to get a job as head of mall security if you can’t even handle being around a bunch of kids.”

“I don’t think I’ll be carting off kids to mall jail,” Piper snarks back, “When I talked to May about the job, she said I’m supposed to help cut down on theft and brawling on mall grounds.”

“Clearly she doesn’t have any kids.” A dark-haired mother in front of them spoke up with a knowing smile.

The father nods as well, “no kidding, you want to know how to get away with stealing just about anything?" he asks the pair and Piper wants to say no but chances were they were going to be stuck behind this guy a bit longer and being rude was not really an option. “Have a baby do it, when this one was a tot he used take things off the shelf right at check out, no one even noticed.”

“Yeah and you were the only one who made a big deal of it, marching a two year old back into a shop to give it back.”

“Carla I was teaching him a life lesson.”

The man’s wife rolls her eyes and ushers her family forward.

Piper shifts back and forth impatiently. As soon as an elf walks past, Piper quickly flags her down. “Excuse me, do you know how much longer it will be before we get up there?”

She glances up at Santa’s podium. “Maybe ten minutes, Santa’s being chatty today.”

Piper tries unsuccessfully to hold in her frustration. “Go get a coffee would you, you’re bringing down the Christmas spirit.” Piper shoots him a look before stepping out of line and wading through a sea of kids. “Bring back a snack for James, no chocolate or he’ll be a mess before the picture.” She waves in acknowledgement because her first option for responding would have been frowned upon in present company.

She takes the stairs up three flights and looks back down over the balcony to see if Davis had moved ahead much farther in line. To her relief only one more family had finished up. She wouldn’t admit it out loud but she didn’t actually want to miss James meeting Santa for the first time.

She hurries over to Mockingbird’s where Bobbi and a new girl are hovering over what looks like a well worn instruction manual.

“Hey Piper, what can we get for you?” Bobbi asks, while the new girl, Kora according to her name tag waits eagerly next to her.

Piper rattles off her usual order.

“I’ll get it!” Kora offers.

“She’s new?”

Bobbi watches the younger girl affectionately. “Yeah, she's very enthusiastic and a little clumsy,” Bobbi explains, “but she can make those cute coffee art designs on the drinks, like you see in commercials, which has been great for social media promotion.”

“What about coffee, can she make coffee?” because really, what was the point of bringing in customers if your coffee sucked.

“Actually yes, she’s really getting the hang of the espresso machine, which is fantastic because I myself, am about five minutes from pushing it out the window.”

Piper raises an eyebrow at her words. “Isn’t the Christmas tree lot like right below us?”

The barista brushes it off. “He moves fast.” And with that Bobbi gestures for the next group in line to step forward and Piper slides down along the counter, taking in the selection of snacks before grabbing a couple of boxes of animal cookies. They looked the least messy.

“Can I get these as well?” She asks Kora. She glances over her shoulder in surprise.

“Oh yes!” She moves to the register in a flash, quickly adjusting her total before returning to her beverage preparation. She adds a bit of cream and gives it a quick stir. Then picks up a cup cozy and scribbles something on in before she drops the beverage in and passes it over.

Piper glances at the cozy. Bobbi had ordered kitschy ones for the shop and this one has a one to ten “Hotness” scale on the side beneath where they wrote the customer’s name. Kora had written in an eleven and underlined it.

She doesn’t think much of it.

Piper picks up one of the lids from the dispenser and prepares to place it over the to go cup when she sees the design of a little heart on the top of her beverage and stops. Had she meant to do that? Maybe it was just a gimmicky thing Bobbi asked her to do.

“Is it okay?” Kora asks nervously.

“No, no its fine, but um,” Piper falters. Why wouldn’t it be okay? Had she done something she wasn't supposed too? “Do you make these for everyone?”

“No of course not,” she answers, puzzled by the suggestion.

Oh.

Okay.

She glances back at the little heart that is starting to swirl away into an indistinguishable blob. It was a little cutesy for her taste but… she looks back at Kora who is fidgeting uncomfortably.

“Thanks.” Piper places the lid on the cup with a smile on her face. “I’ll see you around?”

“As long as Bobbi doesn’t fire me.”

“Well hey, fingers crossed.”

***

Piper gets back just in time. The family ahead of them had just stepped up to meet Santa and she still has fifteen minutes before she was supposed to be at her interview.

“Here, one animal crackers for the whiney baby and here is one for James.” Piper teases as she hands the first box to Davis and then holds the second in front of baby James who reaches excitedly for them.

“You’re in a better mood.”

Piper shrugs and takes a sip of her coffee. “I guess.”

“Okay you guys are up.” The elf from before waves them forward. They step up to Santa’s chair. She man in the suit makes a believable Santa, with his pale blue eyes and kind smile. Unfortunately for them, James does not think so and when handed over to the Santa he immediately bursts into tears.

“He takes after you!” Davis doesn’t find her jest funny. He steps forwards to try and cheer up his son.

“No worries I’m great with kids.” Santa exclaims in a jolly voice. “What’s your name buddy?” He bounces the little boy on his knee and James momentarily stops to look at him. Suddenly, he reaches forwards, yanks on Santa’s fake beard and then screams even louder than before.

“Come on James, please don’t cry.” Davis pleads and attempts to apologize to Santa while she and the elf both try not to laugh.

“Alright you both suck at this, give him here.” Piper hands her coffee to Davis, scoops up James and looks him dead in the eye. “Look kid, you and I both know this is a little ridiculous, I mean you’re not even going to remember this except for maybe as your first childhood trauma but it means a lot to your doofy dad so let’s give him one little smile and get the heck up out of here.”

James stares back at her curiously and no longer crying. His large brown eyes blink at her several times from his tear-stained cheeks before a little giggle escapes him and she can’t help but grin back. “See you just have to talk to him like a person, not with that ridiculous baby talk, right kid?”

She passes James back to Santa who takes on a very professional tone as well, asking him what he wants for Christmas while the photographer snaps a photo.

“Not bad Piper, I’m truly impressed.”

“Thank you, I guess I’m just having a good day.”

“Oh yeah, why to you say that?”

Before she can respond the photographer asks Davis if he wants to be in the picture as well. In a couple long strides he’s at Santa’s side and looking back at the camera. The photographer snaps a couple of pictures and Piper peeks at the computer where the images immediately pop up on screen.

“Geez Davis, try smiling, you look like a damn robot.”

[hati-writes]

Harry Potter and the Family who Loved him Year Two

What if Harry Potter had been raised by a family who gave him all the love and support he needed? What would change about the Harry Potter stories if Harry had been raised by the Weasleys rather than the Dursleys?

Part One is here

Link to the story on Ao3 is here

___

The summer after his first year at Hogwarts passed in a happy sunlit blur for Harry and his family. Ginny was highly excited to be going to Hogwarts in September and badgered Ron and Harry with a million questions as to what it would be like. Charlie gave them weekly updates on Norbert’s progress and the twins persuaded Harry and Ron to help them, ahem, “borrow” their dad’s battered muggle car to test that it worked well. They didn’t even crash it! Not that that made any difference to the scolding they all got when they returned home, breathless and delighted with themselves. Mrs Weasley was less than delighted and all four boys ended up de-gnoming the garden and pulling up weeds for hours. Still, it had been worth it they blithely decided.

It took almost two weeks for Harry to notice he wasn’t getting any mail, and even then only because Hermione mentioned in one of her letters to Ron that ‘I was surprised you would be better at replying to letters than Harry, can you tell him to hurry up and write back?’. Mystified Harry checked with his parents, Errol hadn’t brought any mail for him at all, and neither had Hedwig or any other owl.

Mr Weasley was alarmed when this was brought to his attention, being well aware of how difficult it was to interfere with the owl post. He consulted with his eldest son and Bill came home for a week to check up on the status of the house wards. They could find no evidence of tampering, which only made them more suspicious. Worried, Arthur invited over Moody to see if there was any dark magic around. Mrs Weasley threatened her children into behaving for their guest and chased them upstairs while Moody was examining the wards, for fear that the twins would play some sort of prank that would send Moody in a paranoid state and end up with the kitchen demolished or something.

Banished to their bedroom Harry and Ron had been playing chess when they were visited by a house elf. Ron was gobsmacked, Harry had been raised to be polite though and invited Dobby to sit down. This cued tears and self inflicted punishment. The boys did their best to keep him quiet, not wanting to incur their mother’s wrath any further. Dobby eventually revealed he had been stealing Harry’s mail and that Harry was not to go back to Hogwarts. As expected, Harry refused to consider that particular notion.

Dobby wouldn’t give up that easily however and sprinted downstairs, closely followed by Ron and Harry who were just in time to see him shoot a stinging hex at a distracted Mad Eye Moody and vanish. Moody, predictably, reacted like it was an attack from fully trained dark wizards and Harry and Ron leapt for cover as the wall behind them was blown to smithereens.

Moody apologised of course and managed to fix the wall up better than ever , but the damage was done. Ron and Harry were grounded for the rest of the summer. No flying, no visiting the village, no chess and all homework completed. Mrs Weasley even confiscated Harry’s new broom just to be certain there would be no illicit Quidditch games before school, no matter how much Harry begged that he needed to practise, he was on the team! Harry did notice that Ron got quiet whenever Harry mentioned that and resolved to discuss it with Hermionie when he next saw her. The other outcome of Harry and Ron being grounded was the twins getting bored enough to let Ginny play seriously with them. She was much better than anyone had realised actually. Harry was impressed.

When the time came for the Diagon Alley shop Ron and Harry were thrilled, they’d been itching to get out of the house for weeks now and the prospect of minor freedom was intoxicating. Harry of course knew how to use floo powder properly and, with no desire to incur his parent’s anger yet again, he went straight to Diagon Alley. There they met with Hermione and her parents as well as bumping into Hagrid. The bookstore was overflowing with middle aged witches with stars in their eyes and all the Weasley children eyed the banner proclaiming the author signing with apprehension. They were all too aware of their mother’s infatuation with the blond man, and none of them felt overly inclined to be favourable to him.

Lockhart never noticed Harry in the crowd, another red haired boy in second hand clothes standing with his family. Lucius Malfoy on the other hand was very aware of all of the Weasley’s, and the Potter they thought of as their own. His comments towards Hermione had Harry and his brothers furious, and then when he started on their father...well, if Arthur hadn’t punched Lucius then his children might have!

But there were no further incidents and September first and all the usual chaos of sending children off to school descended upon the Burrow. Even more so that usual, this was the first year that all the children in the house would be leaving! Six children to get up and dressed and fully packed for the eleven o’clock train to Hogwarts. Mrs Weasley had been heard to enthuse about all the relaxation she was going to get now she and Arthur would have the house to themselves. 

Harry and Ron waited for the rest of the family to go through the barrier before following. Or trying to. The barrier was blocked somehow, and they stared in dismay as the clock ticked over past the hour and the train left. Ron’s idea of taking the car was regarded as sheer genius by Harry and the two of them cheerfully set off to fly all the way to Scotland.

They rethought the plan after a few hours of hot, uncomfortable, and hungry driving. Even moreso when the invisibility booster failed and they had to be constantly wary of being spotted by muggles. They managed to get to school without any real incidents though. At least until they crashed into the Whomping Willow. They came out of that incident with several bruises and scratches each, a snapped wand and no car. Exchanging looks they came to the gloomy realisation that their mother was going to kill them, and when they went to the entrance hall and found Snape waiting for them they decided she might not get a chance.

Snape didn’t even say anything to them, just took them to his office, continuing to avoid looking at Harry, and leaving them there. The lack of shouting was somehow even more unnerving than threats of expulsion or dismemberment. Both brothers were convinced they were going to be thrown out. McGonagall shouted enough for two Snapes, and Dumbledore’s disappointment was even worse. The two eventually made their way up to Gryffindor Tower, still feeling as though they had narrowly escaped death or worse to be greeted by a disapproving and annoyed Hermione who thought they’d stolen the car just for  lark or something.

Discovering Lockhart was their new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher did not improve their first week. They’d already coped with seeing two red envelopes flying towards them at breakfast, both screeching discordantly at them while the rest of the school looked on and laughed. Harry had tried to hide behind a pile of sausages while Ron had gone brighter red than his hair. At least Hermionie seemed to think they’d been punished enough and was back to being their friend again. But that was small comfort for Harry as Lockhart corralled him outside Herbology, apologising elaborately for not recognising him earlier and assuring him that Lockhart would help his celebrity shine through, that Lockhart would be Harry’s guide and advisor and that he could make it so no one ever mistook Harry Potter for a Weasley ever again. Harry stiffly informed him that he was a Weasley and he didn’t want to be recognised as a celebrity. Lockhart seemed not to hear.

After dealing with Lockhart Harry was even more irritated to find a first year following him around with a camera and constantly calling him Harry Potter. Unsure of how best to deal with either situation he simply did his best to avoid both Colin Creevy and Lockhart. Which was difficult when one was your teacher and the other in your house. He was relieved when Quidditch came around, he’d spoken to Hermionie about Ron seeming upset over Harry being on the team and she’d had a suggestion he wanted to talk to Wood about.

Wood was eager to talk, and Harry’s suggestion made him nod thoughtfully, though he said he’d have to think it over. This was enough for Harry and he was smiling happily as they stepped out onto the pitch. Only to be faced by Draco and the Slytherin team. In the ensuing fight it was revealed just how badly Ron’s wand was broken. Ron, Harry and Hermionie retreated to Hagrid’s hut where Harry plunked his head on the table and declared this had definitely been his worst week of school ever.

School however did slowly improve, Harry and Ron fell into their usual routine of classes, homework, Quidditch practise and relaxing. Lockhart had claimed Harry for detention much to his annoyance and had him answering fan mail for hours on end. The detention was only finished when Harry heard a mysterious voice making threats from within the walls. Concerned he told his twin and his friend but they didn’t have any ideas.

Harry was also becoming worried about Ginny. She was his little sister, he’d known her as long as he could remember and Ginny was usually bright and chatty and full of questions and enjoyment in everything she did. But since coming to school she seemed to have become quiet and sad, withdrawn...almost washed out. Harry shared his worries with Ron, but neither of them were certain how best to help. Ginny denied anything was wrong whenever they pressed her about it.

Finally after Quidditch practise one night Wood held back Harry to talk to him, he admitted it was a good idea, to start to train up reserve players for Gryffindor team and he would let Ron try out for reserve keeper sometime soon. In his excitement to tell his twin the news Harry ran full pelt through the castle, slamming into Filch and getting in trouble yet again. Honestly, he’d been in trouble almost constantly this year, or at least it felt like he had! He did however get invited to a Death Day party by Nearly Headless Nick.

Unforunately the party ended with Harry, Hermionie and Ron standing next to a petrified Mrs Norris and half the school suspecting them of murder. Ron muttered that this seemed par the course for the way this year was heading. At least Dumbledore didn’t seem to think they’d done anything, though Snape seemed more suspicious, wondering aloud why they hadn’t been at the feast. 

Hermionie asked Binns about the Chamber of Secrets and all three of them became convinced Malfoy must be the heir. They began trying to think of a plan to find out the truth, hampered only by the disastrous end to Harry’s Quidditch match against Slytherin. As though he’d needed any extra reason to dislike Lockhart… Colin Creevy’s petrification and Dobby’s clandestine visit made their search for the truth even more important.

The duelling club was an unmitigated disaster, though considering who the host was that wasn’t really a surprise to anyone. Harry was well aware he was a Parselmouth of course, his mother had caught him earnestly trying to convince a grass snake to go and scare the twins after they’d turned Ron’s teddy into a spider. The next morning his dad had sat Harry down and carefully explained that there was nothing wrong with him, but people might get scared if they knew he could speak to snakes so he should only do it in an emergency. Harry deemed it an emergency when the snake seemed about to attack Justin Finch Fletchly and revealed his secret to the whole school.

His brothers and sister knew about it of course, and they stuck by him through the suspicion of the school. Ron never left his side, Percy took to lecturing groups of students on the history of Parseltongue, Ginny showed a flash of her old self and promised to play the worst possible prank on him to distract him (this one worried Harry, Ginny had a fiendish imagination) and the twins tried their level best to turn the whole situation into a joke, loudly proclaiming Harry was the Heir in such over the top ridiculous manner that no one seemed able to take the idea seriously.

Hermione’s idea for catching Draco turned out to be slow and difficult, but on Christmas morning the potion was ready. Mr and Mrs Weasley had practically begged all their children to come home for the holidays, all things considered but truthfully hadn’t been surprised when they’d all decided to stay, all of them were Gryffindors after all, they weren’t the type to run away from danger. Case in point Harry and Ron spent their Christmas afternoon sneaking into the Slytherin common room to question Malfoy. They got no useful information and both boys were only barely able to retrain themselves from getting into a fight when Malfoy began insulting their father. Only the failure of the Polyjuice kept Harry from punching Malfoy as hard as he could.

Ginny’s prank became obvious on Valentines day. Harry swore he would never forgive his younger sister as he tried his best to flee from the dwarf chasing behind him. Ginny leaned against the wall as he struggled, smirking and looking more like herself than she had in weeks. Harry’s bag ripped, throwing all his equipment everywhere, including the strange diary he’d found in Moaning Myrtle’s bathroom. Harry didn’t notice Ginny’s face turning white as she stared at the book, too preoccupied as he was by trying to gather his things and dealing with the laughter of everyone nearby.

That night Harry tried writing in the diary and soon had more answers about the heir of Slytherin than he might have wanted. Shaken and unsure, he and his brother discussed with Hermione how best to ask Hagrid about it. However, the diary was stolen away again before they could question it further, and by someone in Gryffindor tower at that! They grew ever more concerned and resolved they had to talk to Hagrid, no matter how awkward it might be. They decided to wait until after the Quidditch match that was upcoming. Ron had been training as reserve keeper since Christmas and was thrilled to be more of a part of the games, even if he wouldn’t be playing in this match. But before they could even kick off, the match was cancelled and Ron and Harry had to deal with the sudden loss of Hermione to petrification.

They snuck out to see Hagrid. But that ended with Hagrid arrested and Dumbledore pushed out of the school. All they were left with was a cryptic clue. Harry knew about Ron’s fear of spiders of course, he’d been there when the eight year old Fred had screamed at Ron in anger and Ron’s teddy had squirmed and warped until it was a spider half the size of the five year old. It had turned back after a few minutes of course, an eight year old’s accidental magic wasn’t that powerful really, but the damage had been done. Ron had thrown the teddy into the fireplace and hated spiders ever since.

But for Hermione Ron would face his deep seated terror of spiders. Once the spiders had been found he and Harry snuck out that very night and went deep into the Forbidden Forest. They met Aragog and barely escaped from him, only saved by the old and battered car they’d crashed into the Whomping WIllow months previously. No answers had been found in the forest and Harry and Ron returned to their beds dispirited and worried.

Harry realised that Moaning Myrtle had the key to the whole mystery and he and Ron snuck off to talk to her. After a brief detour by Hermione’s hospital room where they learned what sort of monster they were up against, they had all the answers they needed and were on their way to the teachers lounge when the announcement was made. Hiding in a cloak closet, listening as the teachers discussed what had happened. Both Harry and Ron felt as though they had suffered a physical blow when it was revealed who exactly had been taken by the monster.

Harry returned to the common room, feeling like his heart had shrivelled up into stone, how and Ron and him not noticed? Why hadn’t they taken better care of their little sister. He sat with his brothers, none of them saying much as they all tried not to contemplate the awfulness of reality. Harry felt the first pangs of real, true grief tug at him, and it was a relief when Ron and he decided to go and speak to Lockhart. Any task, any distraction was worth it right now.

Lockhart turned out to be a fraud and, reckless with grief and fear, Ron and Harry decided to go and fetch Ginny on their own. If there was even the slimmest chance their sister was still alive then they had to find her and bring her home safely. They found the entrance and, taking Lockhart with them, went down to battle a Basilisk and save their sister.

The fight was hard, Ron was separated from Harry. Lockhart tried to use Ron’s wand, broken during their crash landing at the Whomping Willow and ended up wiping his own memories. Harry continued on alone. Parseltongue got him through the doors to face the shadow of Tom Riddle. Tom Riddle who insisted on addressing him as Harry Potter, no matter how tersely Harry corrected him as to his surname. Tom Riddle who took Harry’s wand as he tried to lift up his younger sister to carry her to safety. Tom Riddle who revealed his true name as Lord Voldemort and brought forth the Basilisk. Harry barely survived the fight with Slytherin’s monster but with the help of Fawkes and the sorting hat, he overcame the diary and the beast both, driving the Basilisk fang deep into the pages of the slim volume and watching the ink pool and splash. Behind him Ginny woke up with a gasp.

Ginny was crying and apologising, trying to explain how she’d wanted to come and talk to her brothers, but that she felt like she’d betrayed Harry. Because Harry was her brother and she knew that was all he ever wanted to be, but Tom had become obsessed when she’d let slip about Harry’s past and Ginny had felt as though she’d betrayed her brother by revealing his original surname. The guilt had stopped her coming to her family for help until she was too far under Tom’s control. Harry hugged her and told her it was alright, he didn’t blame her at all, he was just relieved she was safe. Then Fawkes guided Ginny, Harry, Ron and the befuddled Lockhart out of the Basilisk’s lair and to the safety of Dumbledore and their parents.

The Weasley’s cried and hugged all their children close, half scolding, half praising them. Harry and Ron told Dumbledore their story and Ginny tearfully confessed to her part when Dumbledore asked how Voldemort had enchanted a Hogwarts student. Dumbledore asked Harry to stay behind after everyone else left, but Ron insisted on staying with his twin and Harry nodded when Dumbledore looked at him questioningly. Dumbledore explained about the sword, and the true meaning of courage.

Moments later Lucius arrived. Harry and Ron both instantly recognised Dobby and in a single glance they formed a plan, Dobby may have got them into a lot of trouble over the year, but he didn’t deserve to be treated like that. Ron ran ahead to slow down Lucius as Harry quickly took the diary back and stuffed it inside a sock. A few minutes later Dobby had been freed and Ron and Harry ran down to the Feast, laughing and happy again. The year had been full of trouble, but everything was made right again as Hagrid came back, and Hermione ran over to hug them both, and all their brothers were over the moon to have their whole family safe and well again. Gryffindor won and Harry thought his face would tear he was smiling so hard. All was right in the world once more.

Tag List:

@sparklylovegiver

@janinethewitch

@nerdinacoolway

@sincerelybirchtree

@lyoth737

[friendshipcampaign]

Session Recap 8/25/19:  No Chosen Ones Here

The party discussed their next options and decided it would probably be worth talking to both Thodri, the cleric with the DPL, and Lomik Turnoroth, the head of the amateur historians’ society Winstanus had mentioned. Before they left, Amaranth gave Tenny the ice dagger and instructed her to defend herself if there was trouble. A bit awed, Tenny asked Amaranth how many knives she had (and she answered that, if you included swords, she had five). Amaranth then asked Ben if he would look after the girl, and he agreed.

When the party went to the Demonology Prevention League’s temporary headquarters, a tired looking half-elf greeted them and told them that they’d already received a number of reports from other people this morning and knew about the bones. The party clarified that they were just looking for Thodri and the half-elf, seeming relieved, said that she was out currently, but that they might be able to find her if they came back later.

On their way to the Zizisvoyni mansion to find Lomik, the party passed a square where a tall goliath woman with shimmering golden tattoos was giving a speech to a large group of people. A large construct made of dark stone with shining white quartz veins stood next to her and produced bags of foods for her to hand out. Standing a bit back from her was a shorter human or half-elven woman, with glasses and brown hair with a white streak in it tied up in a bun on top of her head. As the goliath spoke, it became clear that she was the Karin Mordecai they had heard mentioned several times before. As they watched, she professed to the crowd that this was a philanthropic effort, but also emphasized the value of the tinctures and how they would help everyone in the city.

Voski nudged Ditto, who had climbed into her bag to see better over the crowd, and asked if she could see anything magical going on. Ditto replied that the woman in the back looked like she might be concentrating, as if casting a spell or preparing to. It also seemed like Karin herself might be channeling some kind of bardic magic. Kriv cast Detect Evil & Good, but was unable to pick up anything other than Melima, hovering near Erwyn. Hearing this, Erwyn offered to cast Detect Magic, but Voski advised it might not be safe in a crowd, given his tendency for wild magic surges. He seemed subdued as he agreed.

Eventually the group reached the Zizisvoyni mansion, which was difficult to miss with its front gates decorated with gilded dragon statues. A bronze and a red dragonborn stood guard out front, dressed in livery also adorned with symbols of golden dragons. Kriv approached them and inquired after Lomik -- making his Bahamut pendant as obvious as he could while he spoke -- and they directed him and the others to a back entrance. As Kriv and then Voski stepped through the gates, an illusion activated of the dragon statues uncurling and breathing out flame. The other three did not elicit this response.

On their way to the back, the group passed a carriage adorned with a crest of a red lion on a blue chevron. The sound of singing in Draconic could be heard as they approached the back door, and when the party knocked there was a scuffle before it opened to reveal a kobold wearing a floppy chef’s hat. They informed the group that Lomik had been feeling somewhat indisposed as of late, but they would see if they were taking visitors. When they returned, they said that Mipren Trotsi would take them back to Lomik, who was unable to get up to walk and greet the party themselves.

An elderly kobold woman in a wheeled chair with a blanket over her lap and half-moon goggles greeted the party after a quick walk through the kitchen. (On seeing her, Kriv recalled that “Mipren” was an honorific for “Granny” in Draconic.) When Kriv greeted her and asked how she was doing, she very overenthusiastically replied that she was “fine and dandy, like peppermint candy!”

Trotsi lead the party down a long hallway at a fairly consistent zoom in her chair, continuing her wildly enthusiastic chatting. As they followed, some of the party noticed a progression in the busts and paintings of the Zizisvoyni family that lined the hall. The oldest-looking portraits appeared more conventionally draconic, while later generations became primarily human-looking, with varying levels of draconic features. When Trotsi noticed their curiosity, she explained that years and years ago, the matriarch of the family had married a golden dragon, who now lived up in the mountains but still came to visit from time to time. Eventually, they reached their destination. She told them to shout for her if they ever wanted to get back and whirled back around up the hall.

“If Lomik is the head of the household, then what does she do?” Voski said. “Other than inspire me.”

“What else do you need?” Ditto said.

Lomik indeed looked very under the weather. The brass dragonborn was sipping from a cup of soup behind a desk piled high with papers as the party entered their office. They commented that they’d been told this visit was related to the historical society, but they didn’t recognize the party as members. Kriv mentioned they’d been referred by Winstanus. Lomik said they hoped that Trotsi hadn’t been too overwhelming. She had been a nanny to the house’s heir, Molgan Zizisvoyni, and never really left.

Kriv explained that they were interested in some of the current discoveries in the city, mentioning that he specialized in theology himself. The two got to discussing the discovery of the underground temple and Truthseeker. Lomik noted that the sword could apparently turn itself into an immovable rod if it didn’t wish to be moved. Unfortunately, given their health, they hadn’t gone to see it in person yet.

Seeming keen to ask questions about what the party knew, Lomik asked what they had heard from Ganz about her goddess. When Kriv mentioned what he’d seen when he’d tried to look at symbols of the goddess himself, Lomik asked about his divine connection, commenting that Bahamut had blessed him. Voski asked a bit about the legend surrounding the sword itself. Lomik mentioned that the name “Auster” meant “harsh” in Celestial, and this was thought by some to be more of a moniker for the city of Veritas and its harsh truths itself, and not necessarily the name of a hero. As far as they knew, though, there was no concrete proof for the idea. In the more dominant myth, Auster was a hero who wielded Truthseeker and who had driven all evil out of the city on their last appearance. Given the state of the city now, Lomik said, they understood why people wished to believe this.

When Lomik asked how they knew Winstanus, they cautiously mentioned they were looking for a missing merchant who had sold him some of his blades. Voski asked if the discovery of the sword had caused a bit of a stir in the historical community and Lomik said it had, but that the society had not been able to meet much since the disaster -- and that their own health had been a bit of a problem, as they were very wobbly on their feet currently. Kriv asked if they would mind if he tried to help them with his healing abilities, but Lomik declined, saying they were alright. They then commented that they didn’t know the party’s names and asked if they would introduce themselves. When Ditto gave only her first name, they commented it couldn’t be her only one, as a gnome. Pleasantly surprised, she rattled the rest off. On hearing her clan name, Lomik commented that they thought they might have known another Schmebulock, but couldn’t recall. Voski gave her name as Kasia again and Erwyn and Amaranth shared their own names (though Erwyn only gave his first). Lomik asked for a way to contact the party before they left, and Kriv wrote down the name of the inn the group was staying at.

Voski asked if Lomik knew of any initiatives to magically defend the city, given that they managed the home of the head of the Guild of Mages and Arcanists. They mentioned that many abjurers in the city were working with the DPL and that Rymish Zizisvoyni, the lady of the house, was in many meetings with her own guild and others, as well as visitors from out of town. The party thanked Lomik for their time and bid them farewell before stepping into the hall and calling for Trotsi. She continued to be very chatty on the way out, commenting that she felt like Lomik must be having a hard time, as last week there had been two mistakes in the schedule, which she’d never seen before. She also gossiped a little about the weather, asking the party if they’d heard about the bones.

On the way out, Trotsi halted them and waved into a room they were passing. Inside was a tall, broad man, who looked basically human with some golden scales along his face indicating the family heritage. He was speaking to a human, slightly older, gaunter and more fit, who wore a large sword on his belt and clothing with lion iconography instead of the Zizisvoyni colors. Trotsi addressed the first man as Molgan and cheerfully asked him how he was doing. He replied, a bit resigned, that he was fine, and Trotsi lead the group onward to leave through the front door.

The next place the party visited was the Low Temple, where they hoped to check in on Ganz. This time there were more guards on duty, who asked the party members to identify themselves before letting them in. Security had clearly been increased. As the guard lead them to the cleric, they mentioned that there had potentially been another suspicious event the other night. When they got the chance to talk with Ganz herself, she said she had thought she’d seen some kind of moving shadow that had made her nervous, but it had disappeared when she lit a torch. She apologized for the DPL being so mean to the group before, and said they had come by earlier that day to quickly to check on her.

Ganz told the party that her goddess had appeared to her in a dream again, in a glow of light, and told her that the hour was approaching soon when the truth would be brought to light. She commented that while she was under more protection it was harder to share the word, and when the temple had reached out the mayor didn’t really seem excited about the news. She said she felt like everything was tied to the sword, and that her goddess seemed to think that its wielder was somewhere in the city. She said that she had been the one to carry it to the Guild Hall, and that it had become light enough for her to carry it in the process.

It was approaching Candling when the party left the Low Temple. The rooster in the Guild Hall, when they arrived, was strutting inside its coop for the evening. As Kriv curiously approached Truthseeker, a guard warned him that the sword might bite, but he said he wanted to investigate it anyway. As he touched it, powerful energy tangibly radiated from the gem in the hilt. Erwyn hovered nervously nearby, as if ready to heal if something went wrong.

As he touched the hilt of the blade, Kriv heard an echoing voice in his head. Truthseeker didn’t seem impressed with him, but he mentioned knowing Ganz and a curiosity about what was going on. The sword told him truth would be shared only with the worthy. He asked if there was anything he could do to help and the sword paused, as if considering. It told him to live righteously and seek for its wielder. When Kriv pressed to ask how the sword would recognize this person when they appeared, it replied that it would simply know. Kriv said he would tell the wielder the sword was looking for them and let go.

As Kriv stepped back from the sword, Voski asked if he’d learned anything. He described the cryptic conversation, and then she leaned in and grabbed it herself.

“Why are you wasting your time with these people when you and I can just destroy the ones responsible together?” she thought to it.

Truthseeker seemed taken aback and told her that a tool in the wrong hands was worthless. Voski replied that it was a sword of truth, and the truth was it was wasting time while people suffered. It asked her on whose authority she spoke to it the way she did. “Truth doesn’t have a master,” Voski retorted. “It just is.” There was a brief pause before a shock of energy blasted from the sword and threw her across the room. Erwyn ran over to her to cast a Cure Wounds to patch up the damage as Kriv barked a quick laugh.

“Well, I learned something,” she said, getting up and brushing herself off. “It’s looking for a good person.” She did caution the others that it wasn’t a very good conversationalist.

Erwyn was now glaring at the sword. Kriv asked him if he wanted to try touching it and he said he didn’t see any point if it only wanted to talk to someone worthy. Ditto, however, walked up and put her hands on the hilt. It told her flatly that she wasn’t worthy and she said she knew, but she just wanted to ask it some questions. It conceded to listen, albeit somewhat dubiously.

“How can you tell I’m not worthy? Is it some flaw in my character? Is it the fact that I definitely can’t wield a sword? Is it both?” she said, rattling off questions.

The sword told her that it was predetermined by a power greater than it, and that it would know the true wielder when they touched it. She then started badgering it with questions about how it was made and what it had done before this moment in time. It told her that it had been wielded in the past, and would be again.

“Fare thee well, small inquisitive one,” the sword told her, wearily.

As Ditto took her own hands off the sword, Erwyn actually did step up, looking very nervous. It told him he, too, was unworthy, but he commented that didn’t really come as a surprise to him. Babbling a little, he danced around the topic before ultimately asking the sword if it was trying to open the eyes of the city -- or even the world. Slowly, it replied that perhaps it did, in a metaphorical sense, and that it sought the truth, and that if the people of the city were blinded by lies, they must be opened. Erwyn thanked the sword and withdrew his grip.

After that the party lingered, waiting for the changing of the guard when the lamplighter they were hoping to speak to would be on duty. Eventually, a nervous-looking kenku that could be assumed to be Deveron emerged and lit the large candle in the lantern. When he noticed the party there, he stiffened a bit. Kriv gently asked if they could ask some questions, and specifically if Deveron had seen Quest. When he described her, the kenku drew back towards the candle, shaking his head. His behavior seemed odd, and so Kriv pulled back to do some looking around and cast Detect Evil and Good. Truthseeker registered as consecrated, but he also noticed, from up above the courtyard where the Guild of Merchants had their offices, that it looked like someone was watching them.

More quietly, Amaranth leaned in and asked if Deveron had been threatened and told not to talk about what he’d seen. Noting this, Ditto sent a Message telling him that if it was unsafe to talk, he should scratch his head. After another Message it was clear he didn’t want to go speak with them elsewhere, but she sent another suggesting that if they knew more, the party might be able to help, mentioning that they’d been able to defend Ganz at the temple earlier in the week.

Meanwhile, Kriv started sneaking as best he could towards the stairs to the upper level. Erwyn noticed him creeping along and sent him a Message asking what was going on. Kriv clarified that he had seen someone watching them and wanted to investigate while the rest of the party served as a distraction. He quietly made his way up the stairs, with Erwyn now closely watching in case something went wrong, hoping to get close enough to use his spell to see if the person was a fiend. He got to where they ought to have been, but felt nothing. When he looked closer, the figure seemed to have disappeared.

As Erwyn watched, he noted that where Kriv had said he’d seen a person, he now saw an indistinct, non-humanoid blobby shape. He also saw a person at the top of the stairs, which Kriv was heading back towards to go down, and messaged him to let him know there was someone there. Kriv put on his Blindsense scarf and mask. But the only person he ran into was a half-orc woman who asked if she’d startled him. He removed the scarf and mask and told her he’d been looking for one of the guilds, saying he’d thought he’d seen a light on, but that things were closed for the night. She asked what guild he was looking for and he lied, saying he’d been trying to find the Mages’ Guild, but declined her offer to walk him over there.

The others were still speaking to Deveron through Messages. Amaranth tried pulling out 10gp and asking if it changed his mind at all. But then Voski, who had been talking idly aloud about other topics to mask the real discussion that was happening, leaned in. Mimicking Quest’s voice perfectly, she spoke.

“She needs your help,” she said, and pushed forward Amaranth’s gold.

[unsettlingstories]

Updated index of all stories. May 16, 2018.

Transfigurations: A small, self-published collection of my favorite short stories from 2015. Individual Stories

3 Signs You May Be An Introvert and How to Cope: Some great tips! 30 years ago today, my neighbor’s son disappeared: They miss him. A Case of Hives: My son isn’t feeling too well… A Cure for Writer’s Block: How to find inspiration when it’s just not there. A Curious Dog: My dog won’t stop pawing at a wall in the basement. A Gifted Chef: My friend was one of the greats. I miss him. A Life Worth Living: Big changes lead to bigger results. A Most Welcome Visitor: He’d come to me in the middle of the night. A Pathetic Wretch: His neighbor just won’t stop crying. An Artist’s Canvas: The beauty of symmetry. A Questionable Glory Hole: A young man’s first sexual experience. A Warning To Women With IUDs: Be careful whatcha put up ya. Adrenochrome: The horrible, impossible truth. All Horror Stories About Dolls Are Fake: My daughter was bullied mercilessly. Allison’s Loss: My daughter is devastated by the death of her friend. Alternative Medicine: A wife treats her husband with an old remedy. All Thumbs: My embarrassing habit. A Message in a Bottle: I’m suddenly filled with dread. A Very Bad Place to Hide: Maybe even the worst. Amy’s Wish: Blow away the eyelash and make a wish! An Unlucky Samaritan: Think twice before stopping to help. Are My Twins Spending Too Much Time Together?: For woke mommies only. Assisted Suicide: He begged me to help him die. Attempts to Repair the Irreparable: How do you move on? Bad Sex: Has this ever happened to you and your partner? Bags: A hunting trip goes very, very wrong. Beach Bodies: What’s that out in the water? A whale? Ben’s Fear: He just hated seaweed. Bitcoin Mining and the Death of the Universe: I think I fucked something up. Bits and Pieces: Chunks and portions. Bitumen: A man who loves dinosaurs. Black Balloons: My little daughter saw shapes in the sky. Bluebirds: Possibly the most reprehensible thing I’ve ever written. Bluefin: Use caution when poaching an endangered species. Body Cast: The worst thing that can happen when you’re immobilized. Body Hair Removal: I learned a valuable lesson. Bridgeport Power Plant: There’s something living there. Bubbles: Strange happenings in an emergency room. Butt Stuff: The activity - not the other thing. Caroline’s New Teeth: The Tooth Fairy’s best customer. Caviar: Only the best for discerning palates. Centipedes: There’s some big ones out there, you know. Charles Robert Olevsky: Ever Google yourself? Chopped!: An unaired episode of the Food Network show. Christmas Morning With Danny and His New Puppy: Danny gets a puppy. Comfort Food: Anything to help fill that void. Coping Mechanisms: Life after losing a husband and a daughter. Cracks in the Foundation: A relationship on the edge. Dawn: I hurt my sister so badly. I’ll never forgive myself. Daycare Massacre: A terrible incident before a hurricane. Death Looking into the Window of One Dying: His final days. Dede Elgy: This monster story will make you feel dirty. Very dirty. Deniehyfield, Australia is Being Dismantled: My town is disappearing. Dermatographia: Words on my skin. Devil’s Hole: The geological anomaly, not the…you know. Dial Tone: What’s going on with my phone? Diary of a Woman in New Hampshire: Found a diary. Wtf. Dilation and Evacuation: A friend in need is a friend indeed. Division: Nothing is right. Double Dare: The long-lost episode never seen in the US. Dumbwaiter: A family learns something about their house. Elective Surgery: I just want him to be happy. Elf on the Shelf: He’s watching. Endless Chirping: Ever get a cricket in your room? Escaphism: The journey of one man, his love, and The Verdant World. Ethan’s Halloween Mask: Not all friendships are positive. ExpressionCaptioner.com: This website is seriously weird. Fallenfield Mountain: A geological survey gone wrong. Very wrong. Family Tree: A unique family tradition is revealed. Farm to Table: Fucking hipsters. Fertility Treatments: Some people are desperate to have a baby. Fireflies: You would not believe your eyes. For Lena and Clair: Trapped after an earthquake. Found the Bees: Well, that solves that mystery. Gratification Through Annihilation: Suffer the little children. Great Potential: A lady who loves children. He Went Ahead: My friends and I were into urban exploration. Heather’s Phases: My wife always had body-image issues. House Sounds: What do we keep hearing? I Dream of Names and Cancer: My eternal nightmare. I Pressed My Hands Against My Eyes: And only then could I truly see. I Shouldn’t Have Broken Into My Neighbor’s Garage: I’ll never unsee it. If Anyone Asks: An old farmer notices something about his scarecrow. I’ll Never Wear a Condom Again: No way, no how. Instantiations: An AI gets powerful and utilitarianism rears its head. In Praise of Our God: A helpful neighbor. It’s Hard to Clean Blood Out of a Fur Suit: Right? Jerry’s Mouth: Maybe next time he’ll think before he cheats. Jill-o-Lanterns: The murders are all connected. Jim Jameson’s Pumpkins: A dead farmer’s secrets. Know it All: See it all, feel it all, know it all. Last Weekend: Hazmat suits, horror, and a mystery. Licks From a Bear: Skull + electric drill = story. Lippy: I’ve always been self conscious about the size of my labia. Little Cows: Meet the milkmaid. Long Fingers: I can feel them. Making Faces: Strange prints on the windows… Making Their Dad Proud: A family that plays together… Malcolm: You know those floaty things in your eyes? Maria’s Extra-Credit Assignment: Gotta get a good grade. Medical Issue: What’s the stuff I found on a rock? Memoir of a Cam Girl: She is being controlled. Missing Mousetraps: My neighbors had an infestation. Moaning Lollipops: Why do they make that sound in my mouth? Motility: My sperm sucked. Mr. Puddles: A little boy just won’t stop splashing. Mushy Stuff: My parents never let me have any fun. My Amazon Alexa Does More Than Laugh: Please help - I’m in danger. My Brother’s Fall: Horror deep below the Iraqi desert. My Cellar Door is Breathing: Is that normal? My Constellation: Want to be sad? This will make you sad.   My erection lasted longer than 4 hours: and I didn’t call a doctor. My four year old son woke up with a full head of grey hair: Help us. My Last Abduction: All the other ones don’t count. My Only Experience With ASMR: Hint - it didn’t go well. My Sister Found the Coolest Thing!: You’ve gotta hear about it. My Sweet Boy: A mom who loves her son. My Trouble With Fairies: They’re so mischievous and unpredictable! My Wife, the Artist: A couple who loves Halloween. Nests: Ah, the great outdoors. Network Security: Two friends get a glimpse of a Russian science lab. Never Ride the Subway at Night: You never know who could be watching you. Norwalk Cemetery: There’s something alien in there… Not All Men: Temper, temper, young man. Of Malevolence; Of Misanthropy: A disturbed scientist makes a discovery. Open Mouths: A hideous ritual. Otter: I’ve always wanted to be one. Ouroboros: Why cut when you can cut off? Pebbles: A strange meteor shower. Phone Sex: It all started when I realized my iPhone was self-lubricating. People are disappearing in Northern Canada: What is happening? Pool Cover: I almost drowned when I was 13. Pray Away: Conversion therapy for deviant behavior. Pretty Little Bugs: A new job as a cameraman. Prosopagnosia: After an accident, my husband couldn’t recognize us. Pumpkin Spice and Everything Nice: What can be better? Quarry: Trying to beat the heat on a summer day. Randall’s Chatty Leg: He said it was talking to him. I heard it. Rats in the Barn: An exterminator’s apprentice. Recycling: Parents try to understand their depressed daughter. Rediscovering the Newness of Sex: Let’s spice it up a little. Regarding Danny and Micah Stevenson: Two brothers rely on one another. Regina’s Raspberry Jam: She put everything she had into it. Road Head: Who doesn’t like getting sucked on? Seriously. Roo: An old man watches a girl grow up. Roots of Change: Something is happening beneath our feet. Ropes: Be careful what you eat. Rotting Pumpkins: A Halloween ritual. Round Faces: My daughter keeps complaining about monsters. Safety: Our grandfather was obsessed with it. Seed of Man, Pollen of Angels: A family tradition. Sex, Gender, and Other Social Constructs: Destroy them all. Sex in the Cemetery: Gotta do it somewhere, I guess. Skincare Diary: My acne was getting out of hand. Smokey, the Dog I Rescued: A very very good boye. Snapshot of a New Man: Evil (Inspiration for The Coronation Cycles series.) Soft Teeth: A man used to sneak into my room at night. Sprouts: Something beautiful from something small. Still a Family: Two sisters have lunch while waiting for their parents. Stop Being Such Babies: The woods aren’t scary, for fuck’s sake. Stuffing: Grandma’s was the best. Suicide Woods: Not just in Japan anymore. Tainted Candy: The legend is real. Teeny-Tiny: Katie wants to lose weight. That Good Dick: You know what I mean ;) The Alzheimer’s Ward: This isn’t right. The Bleakness Before Our Old Eyes: The Universe tasted us that night. The Blissful Insensate: An experiment goes terribly wrong. The Cave in the Lake: A discovery while scuba diving leads to horror. The Chernobyl Abomination: My father saw something he shouldn’t have. The Cotard Delusion: A new drug has a frightening side-effect. The Day I Started Believing In Ghosts: I’m still in shock. The Empty Cribs on Hawthorne Lane: Missing children. The Face in the Clouds: A meteorological anomaly? Or something else? The Floor is Lava: We all used to play that game, right? The Giggliest Girl: Don’t tickle me, Mommy. The Gray in Girl: A man finds a girl on the side of the road. The Hitchhiker: I think I need a new car now. The Incident at the Train Station: After a suicide, something…worse. The Job I Couldn’t Leave: I was employed by a psychopath. The Last of the Trick-or-Treaters: A strange costume. The Last words of an Explorer: A city on no one's map. The Least Satisfying Explanation: And the biggest understatement I’ve made. The Little Ghost: That nagging voice inside your head. The Lord of Hosts: Lice The Moose Hunt: Is…is that really a moose? The Perils of Live TV: It’s not all fun and games. The Perks of Working in a Funeral Home: There aren’t many, but still. The Pilot: A UFO crash. The Oblivion that Masks Pain: Escape. The Old Mine Outside Town: Everyone was too scared to go in. I wasn’t. The Only Solution: How to bring back a loved one? The Only Thing That Matters: Zombies attack a supermarket. The House in the Woods: Bad title, good story. The Shores of Pluto: A journey without moving. The Sleeping Game: We played when we were kids. The Small Eyed Children of Canyon del Cristo: A local legend comes alive. The Squirming Man: Please leave me alone. The Star Bridge: My friend found something beyond life. The Tomb of the Builders: Divers looking for sunken treasure find something evil. The Trawl: We dragged something up from deep underwater. The Wisdom of Moms: Mother knows best. The Worst Party in Ten Thousand Years: Trust me, it’s pretty damn bad. There is nothing wrong in East Flatbush, Brooklyn: Ignore the dragonflies. There’s something very wrong with my parrot: WTF. Tiptoeing the Line of Consent: But never crossing it. To Adore: Our beautiful baby girl. To the Kind Folks at WebMD: Just a couple questions.   To Travel: Bodies in bodies, bodies of bodies. Trees of Eyes: They’re watching. Tunnel Rat: My grandfather told us the worst story I’ve ever heard. Seriously. Uncle Liam: I never told the real story about how he died. Under My Teeth: My mouth is screaming. Uplift: A brilliant scientist works to improve the human condition. We’re All Smiling: Whether we want to or not. We Share the Empty Roads: You’re never, ever alone when you drive. Wet Bedroom: A haunted house with a hideous history. What He Told Me: Evil (Inspiration for The Coronation Cycles series.) Wikileaks: A document they refused to leak. What to expect when I’m expecting: Hint - it’s the worst. Why I Don’t Hike Anymore: Not what you might think.

Story Series

The Smols: Maybe the most fucked up stories I've ever written.

Sade Smols Emmy Smols

The Secret Doctors of NASA: A wide-ranging conspiracy.

A Dentist's Discovery A Psychologist's Suicide A Surgeon's Nightmare

Tales from Social Media

Something horrible is happening to me on Tumblr Something horrible is happening to me on Facebook Something horrible is happening to me on Reddit Something horrible is happening to me on Grindr Something horrible is happening to me on Myspace Something horrible is happening to me on Pokemon Go

Sockets: Craigslist allows you to meeting interesting people.

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