#Central Perk Book Club

[friendsiguess]

Long Fics (20k + words)

I decided to start out my recommendations with what is probably the smallest selection in this fandom-- long fics. Here we go.

Chandler Bing's Guide to Romance (The Best Friend Edition) (E) By Anonymous

Wordcount: 81,926

The one where Chandler is awkward and hopeless and desperately in love with Joey. But it’s not like he’ll actually admit it...even when they start dating.

Set after 1x10 and runs through the middle of season 2. Canon events and dialogue are weaved in throughout.

This was one of the first fics I ever read in this fandom and I feel like it's a pretty good starting point for anybody (assuming you want to start with long fics I guess.) Since it keeps a lot of continuity with the show (just with Chandler and Joey having a friends-with-benefits-to-lovers plotline during it all), it's easy to follow along with and the characterization is on point. If you love angst, pining, secret relationships, and a shit-ton of smut, then  this is the fic for you.

The One With the Wiseguys (M) By Anonymous

Wordcount: 40,484

Chandler's an FBI agent in need of a case; Joey's the simple-minded, good-natured caporegime working under his father, the head of the Tribbiani crime family. But Joey's more interested in Chandler than taking over the family business, and Chandler's growing pretty fond of him too. When the line between friend and target begins to blur, Chandler has a decision to make. S1. AU.

This might just be my favorite fic in this entire fandom (although that could change if some of you are willing to start writing, I believe in you.) It also happens to be one of the only true au’s I’ve come across in this fandom. Maybe the only—off the top of my head. Casting Joey, with his big family and Italian roots, as part of the mafia seems like such an obvious move, so I’m glad there’s a fic that has taken. I will say though, before you get too excited about mafia shenanigans, the whole mafia thing is more of a plot device than an actual part of the plot barring a few crucial scenes. The story sticks surprisingly close to certain elements of the show, and the romance between Chandler and Joey is mostly sweet and fun. This is not an insult to the story though, there's a reason it's my favorite. Every time I read this, the pining drives me wild, and I’m always left wanting to start the story again.

Melody of Love and Loss (M) By l0w3l

Wordcount: 63,425

Chandler is twenty-five and decidedly too old to be pining for his straight roommate. He makes up his mind to move on, but at the same time, they become closer than ever.

He develops the omnipresent feeling that he is being stalked, but when his dormant illness returns, it seems that he was only being paranoid. That is until he meets his stalker face-to-face.

He can be alone forever, or he can indulge in his stalker's affections. After all, he seems pretty harmless, but Chandler doesn't realize how fast everything can spiral out of control.

Before you read this fic, read the tags CAREFULLY. This story handles some pretty heavy topics, but it is absolutely worth the read. I was on the edge of my seat reading every chapter of this, especially since it was still being updated at the time. This story and the angst had full control of my mind for weeks. This story has a happy ending, but be aware that the journey there is a difficult one so if you’re looking for a simple feel-good story, this isn’t it. What it is though is a deeply emotional, fantastically written story that will stick with you for a long time. 

When the Rain Begins to Fall (M) By GuessIWillWriteItMyself

Wordcount: 42,948

When Rachel runs away from her wedding, she finds comfort in her childhood friend, Monica.

What begins as a simple friendship between two roommates turns into an incomparable bond of love, trust, and devotion, and soon, both Rachel and Monica separately have to ask themselves: What the hell do you do when you fall in love with your best friend?

I am so happy to have a Monica/Rachel long fic to put on this rec list, even if it is the only one. As the description suggests, this story is essentially an alternate take on what could have happened after the events of the first episode. However, this story doesn’t take that much from the rest of the first seasons and instead delivers a very creative and original story. I honestly love the depth that is given to Rachel and Monica’s inner dialogues and the way their situations (especially their relationships with their parents) are emotionally fleshed out. This story has some chapters from Monica’s perspective and some from Rachel’s, so you really get the most of that mutual pining goodness. 

--------------------------------

UNFINISHED WORKS

--------------------------------

The One Where Everyone is Gay (T) By someonica

Wordcount: 69,637

"Friends but it’s about a lesbian couple, Rachel and Monica, the lovely gay couple that lives across the hall from them, Chandler and Joey, their quirky pansexual best friend Phoebe and their friend, a heterosexual douchebag named Ross”

This work is in screenplay and sitcom format.

None of the couples are really together at the beginning, be prepared for the slow burn!

Yeah, pretty much what is says on the tin. This fic is written in a script format, which may take a little getting used to, but I promise it's worth it. There are many things that I thoroughly enjoy about this fic, but I should first draw attention to the fact that, yes, it is unfinished. It’s technically meant to be a dual slow-burn between Rachel/Monica and Chandler/Joey, but at the point the fics ends at, these couples haven’t quite gotten together yet (one more than the other.) HOWEVER! Do not let this discourage you from reading, because the journey is thoroughly enjoyable despite its lack of destination. Also, the fic features a relationship between Chandler and Brian (you know the one) that is so good I lowkey wanted them to get together at the end despite the fact that I am a gung-ho Chanoey shipper. And of course, it's hard to find Monchel stories at all and this is a good one, so give it a read.

Dead on Arrival (T) By superangsty

Wordcount: 35,624

You can't get a date, your friends all hate each other, and oh right - you've just been stuck with a roommate who's an even bigger mess than you. But hey, at least your outfits are cute.

I think this story has a wonderful balance of sticking to the original but also elevating it in terms of character depth. At least, in the sense that it sort of actually DEALS with all the stuff that's sort of glossed over in the show, like all the issues Monica and Chandler and Rachel have with their parents, plus it throws in the added issues that are involved with trying to be openly queer in the 90’s. This fic includes established Chandler/Joey which is pretty delightful, and there's a slow-burn Rachel/Monica which makes me incredibly happy. Also, if you love Janice, then this is the fic for you because she's Joey’s cousin in this one and is therefore featured positively in the story. Susan and Carol are also important characters. Honestly, the whole gang is here. Again, remember that this one isn’t finished, so read with that in mind. With this author though, its always possible that the story could be updated, considering their first chapter notes specifically says that they usually have long periods of time between updates.

--------------------------------

Honorable Mentions

--------------------------------

So I didn't feel right putting these in my main list, but I felt like I should add them in case anybody wants more reading. Here are two fics that I've written as well:

What a Little Kiss Between Friends Does (Not Rated)

Wordcount: 26,240

Joey really wanted the part, but it meant he had to kiss a man. He was happy when Chandler obliged to help him practice, but he had no idea it would mean the beginning of some unwanted feelings for his roommate.

Basically, what if episode 2.24 had gone a little differently...(and then I shove some events from season four into season three for ~drama~)

Read Between the Lines (T)

Wordcount: 43,237

Chandler Bing is a journalist for one of the many New York City newspapers, and it’s not as exciting as he’d thought it would be. When he’s told to interview up-and-coming actor, Joey Tribbiani, he figured he’d be in for a conversation with some self-obsessed asshole (he was a soap star after all), but instead Joey turns out to be friendly and easily charismatic. Not to mention he’s gorgeous.

Not that Chandler is paying any attention to that, of course. And, even if he was, what would a famous actor see in him?

^ This one is still being updated!

Happy Reading!

[strangerthingslover69]

Undercover ~ Part 1 ~

18+ minors do not read!

Warnings ~ Swearing, flirtating, drinking, strip club ~

Sebastian Berger + Female reader

You’re the best British undercover agent they have. You happen to also be a dab hand in computers. One day at work you get an unexpected visitor from Major Daniel from the ICC saying they need your help. Of course you accept, you do love an undercover mission. Once you arrive at headquarters you meet the team, Sebastian catches your eye. You were looking forward to this job even more now

You were working a double shift at the station, finishing the paperwork from your last case. A month ago you had just brought down one of the biggest drug dealers there was in England. There was a hell of a lot of paper work. You knew you could do it, you were good - no amazing - at your job. Always undercover leading different lives. You loved it. You lived for it. As you type up your report there’s a knock at your door. You look up and see Amy, the secretary with a man you’ve not seen before but sure do recognise. ‘Come in’ you say standing up. ‘Y/N, this is’ Amy begins but you cut her off. ‘Detective Major Louis Daniels. An officer in the Direction Centrale de la Police Judiciaire. The man who started the ICC. It’s a honour sir’ you say reaching to shake his hand. ‘You know who I am?’ He says shaking your hand back with a smile. ‘Of course sir. With your arrest record it’s hard not to know who you are. I think it’s amazing that you have formed the ICC. I follow your cases, rather impressive. You also got an impressive team’ you say welcoming him into your office. ‘Thank you Amy’ you say as you close the door. ‘Well I must say Miss L/N, I think you are the impressive one. That is why I’m here, we need your help. With your last undercover job going so well I knew we needed your expertise for this case.’ He says as you offer him a seat. You sit down back at your dest even more curious. ‘What’s the case?’ You asks. ‘Similar to the one you’ve just done actually. You see there is a rival gang travelling across Europe, The Scorpions. They sell the best kind of cocaine out there along with a lot more stronger stuff. With the success of your last case I was hoping you would join us?’ He finished talking and you process what he’s told you. You’d heard about this gang but we’re not sure if they existed. You couldn’t say no to this opportunity. ‘I’d be honoured sir’ you say reaching to shake his hand. ‘Excellent, I can get a taxi back to your house and you will need to pack and say goodbyes to anyone you feel necessary this is going to be a long case. I will meet you on the helipad in one hour.’ he says shaking your hand back.

You packed pretty much most of what you own, clothes, shoes, books, phone charge, the necessities. Since you’ve got no family left alive so only quick goodbye to your work colleagues. You can’t help but feel the excitement run through you. You always get a thrill from your undercover cases but this? This was going to be something else you could just feel it. As you press the lift taking you up to the helipad a little feeling of nervousness comes. You’ve done plenty of undercover jobs before, but non this extreme. Packing your life up and being gone for god knows how long. Shit, should you have done this? Should you have thought about this properly? No Y/N, this is what you were born to do. He came here all this way for you. You take a few deep breathes as the lift doors open. Major Louis stood there with the helicopter behind. ‘Let me take that’ he says grabbing your case from you. ‘Thank you sir’ you reply as you walk over to the helicopter. ‘Impressive, you’ve got your own chopper? I could most definitely get use to this’ you say with a big grin. ‘Definitely one of our many perks.’ He says as you get into the helicopter. He places your bag next to you, you both put in your headphones and seatbelts as it takes off. You’ve never been on a helicopter before, it’s bumpier than you expected. ‘So how are you feeling Y/N?’ Louis asks. ‘Good yeah, excited to get stuck in!’ You shout. He winces, ‘you don’t need to shout, I can hear you just fine’ he smiles. ‘Oh, sorry, never been on a helicopter before. So your team, just like you they are all impressive.’ You say diverting the conversation. ‘You’ve been making yourself aware of my team? You really are going to fit in nicely. I think they will most definitely like you. They are all amazing at what they do and I am truly grateful to have them. When I told them I was recruiting you they all couldn’t be happier. You have as I’ve said a very impressive background.’ He says, he’s definitely making your ego slightly bigger. ‘Of course sir, they all are incredible. Just like yourself. I hope I’m not going to be stepping in anyone’s toes.’ You say looking out the window at the beautiful views. ‘Of course not. Once we land I will introduce you to everyone properly and then we shall begin to take the scorpions down’ he says. You nod and smile looking out the window once more. You can’t quite believe how your day has become this.

Once off and out the helicopter you make your way to the ICC. Your heart was beating so loudly you were sure Major Daniel would be able to hear it. As you make your way through the doors you are slightly taken back by the building. It’s huge. A lot bigger than the station your use to. You must look like a child in a sweet shop with how you are looking around right now. ‘What do you think?’ Major Louis’s voice brings you back to reality. ‘Very impressive sir.’ You say with a bright smile. ‘Well if you think that impressive wait till you meet the others’ another man’s voice appears from behind you, an American accent. You definitely know who this is. ‘Carl Hickman Detective First Grade from NYPD. It’s a pleasure to meet you’ you say turning around. ‘Another one with the Google Louis? Good job I can do that too now. Y/N L/N. A former Chief Superintendent from London but decided to become an undercover specialist. Done over 20 undercover operations. Youngest person to ever do that many operations and youngest person to be a Chief Superintendent. You could of gone higher but you loved being out in the field. Most recently busting one of the biggest drug gangs in the UK.’ He says confidentiality to you. ‘That sound about right to you?’ He says with a warm smile. ‘Certainly does , however you missed out that fact I’m also a tech whizz’ you say with a smile. ‘Tech whizz? Sebastian’s going to have his work cut out with you’ he laughs as does Major Louis. The lifts opens and you all step in. ‘You sure your ready for this kid?’ Carl asks. ‘Always sir’ you reply confidently. ‘Please call me Carl, anything you need Y/N let me know’ he says. ‘Thank you Carl’ you reply nodding your head. The lift doors open and you all walk out. You walk behind as Carl and Major Louis talk. You take in your next surroundings. You follow the men as they make their way down some stairs, your suitcase thudding behind. Both men offered but you insisted you could manage. You hear footsteps behind you and someone taking your bag from you. ‘Miss L/N, it’s so nice to have you here’ Micheal Dorn says to you with a smile. ‘Michel Dorn, it’s an honour sir. I can honestly manage my bag’ you say gesturing to it. ‘I know you can Y/N but I insist. Did you have a pleasant flight over?’ He asks as you continue down the never ending steps. ‘Yes thank you sir, Major Louis has given me a great welcome as did Carl.’ You say gesturing to the men. ‘Good, the rest of the team will be eager to meet you also. With your background and arrest record. Very impressive I must say.’ He praises you. You could most definitely get use to this. He passes you your bag back as you’ve reached the bottom of the stairs. ‘I’ll let you get settled in and meet the rest of the team’ he says walking off. ‘Thank you sir’ you reply. You look around and see some desks across the floor with computers.

As you look around there is a glass window with technical gear you’re slightly familiar with. You also see a man with this back to you, shirt tucked into trousers, short hair. You’re pretty sure that’s Sebastian. You can’t lie when you googled this unit and this team he caught your eye. Handsome man. Blue eyes. He was your type. Your heart beated faster as you were now in the same building as him. You were impressed with the other members of the team of course but him, he was something else. As you observe him work you start to walk forward slowly following behind Louis and Carl, you’re wrapped in staring at him that you didn’t see someone walking towards you and you bump into them. ‘Shit!’ You say loudly causing heads to turn to you. You look up and see you’ve bumped into Detective Tommy McConnell, an officer in the Northern Ireland Police Service and a weapons specialist and technician. ‘I am so sorry Tommy, I really need to look where I’m going’ you say awkwardly. ‘Yeah you do’ he snaps at you before speaking again. ‘How do you know my name?’ He asks eyeing you up and down. ‘I’m Y/N L/N nice to meet you’ you say offering a handshake, he scoffs at you. ‘It was an accident Tommy, calm down’ a woman’s voice appears at his side. Sergeant Eva Vittoria is a former officer of the Nucleo Operativo Centrale di Sicurezza and current officer in Europol. ‘Yeah well at least you managed to cover yourself in my coffee and not me’ he says pointing to your top. You look down and see your once white blouse covered in coffee and starting to stick to you bra. Your feel your cheeks turning a rather embarrassing shade of crimson as you cover your chest. The others make there way over to see the commotion. ‘S-sorry Tommy’ you find your voice again brushing a hair behind your ear. He rolls his eyes, ‘yeah whatever’ he says and walks off to presumable make another coffee. Well done Y/N great start to piss off one of your colleagues. ‘Ignore him, he just takes some getting use to’ Eva says reassuringly. ‘Y/N L/N right? Lovely to meet you’ she says extending her hand. You take it and shake hers back. ‘Yeah, Eva Vittoria? Nice to meet you too’ you say with a smile shaking her hand. You didn’t even realise that Louis, Carl and Sebastian were now next to you. ‘I erm forgot to mention I can be clumsy - but never in the job I swear’ you say panicking. ‘Don’t worry, like Eva said accidents happen.’ Louis reassures you. You nod and smile looking to the floor. You still feel like eyes are on you, you look up and see they are. Well more specifically one pair of blue eyes. He looks down at your wet blouse then up at you he clears his throat, ‘nice to meet you I’m’ ‘Sebastian Berger, an officer of Berliner Polizei and the tech god’ you say interrupting him. You shake his hand and he gives you a warm smile. ‘Been doing your homework?’ He says with a smile. ’Well before Major Daniels contacted me I read about you. I mean the ICC it’s amazing reading about you all and what you’ve achieved. It’s an honour to be apart of this team’ you reply back. ‘Y/N, why don’t I show you to the bathroom so you can get cleaned up?’ Eva offers kindly. You look at Sebastian and realise your still holding his hand. You quickly drop it, ‘sorry’ you mumble following Eva to the bathroom. The men watch you and Eva walk away. Sebastian can’t help but smile. When he made his way over to you he couldn’t help but notice how sweet you looked. It’s been awhile since someone caught his eyes. ‘Making goo goo eyes already Sebastian?’ Tommy says sarcastically as he comes over with another coffee. Sebastian turns to him but before he speaks Louis beats him to it. ‘Tommy I hope you are not going to cause a problem for Y/N, we need her here.’ ‘Of course not sir, I’m sure she’s great at what she does when she’s not busy checking out ‘Mr tech god’ here’ air quoting your words you said earlier. Sebastian rolls his eyes, ‘just be nice’ Carl says. ‘I always am Hickman’ Tommy says taking a drink.

You and Eva reach the bathroom, you go into the stall and change tops. ‘Don’t worry about Tommy Y/N. He’s a nice guy, just takes some getting use to’ she says through the door. You find another blouse and swap into it. ‘I’m sure he is, I’ve just messed stuff up already. He’s not going to take me seriously now’ you huff opening the door. ‘He will don’t worry, if not I can always shot him’ she jokes to you. You can’t help but let out a little laugh. Eva looks at your and points to your blouse, ‘that’s pretty but you may want to sort out the buttons.’ She says with a small smile. You look down and realise you’ve missed a button on your chest. You turn and quickly sort it. ‘Thanks’ you say cheeks feeling red again. ‘Just relax a little, the Y/N I’ve read about doesn’t sound like she’s one to get flustered so easily?’ Eva questions as you exit the bathroom. ‘You read about me?’ You asked feeling surprised. ‘Of course, like you said you read about us before Major Daniels came and I’ve been following your career for the last three months. Well done on your recent bust, excellent work. I can not wait to see it here’ she says with a smile. ‘Neither can I, do you mind if I just have a minute quickly before going back in?’ You ask stopping outside where everyone is gathered in Sebastian’s workspace. ‘Of course’ she says rubbing your arm and making her way in. ‘Don’t tell me she’s quit already?’ Tommy says as Eva walks in. ‘Tommy, cut it out. You know we need her.’ Eva says unimpressed. Tommy sighs rolling his eyes, ‘I know. Sorry, I’ll stop’ he says putting his hand up in a surrendering position. ‘Good because I do not know if we can do this without her. She’s only just come back from her other undercover operation so she’s already being overworked. She didn’t have to say yes to coming here, she just did. Left everything behind just like you all did. Remember how nervous you felt? She feels like that now so give her a break’ Louis tells the others. The others look towards Tommy, he nods and agrees. ‘I’ll go see if she’s okay’ Eva says. ‘No, let me. I don’t want her to have a problem or feel uncomfortable with me’ Tommy says leaving the room. You stand around the corner near the stairs pacing back and forth composing yourself. ‘Y/N you can do this. This is what you were born to do. Your mum did it so can you.’ You give yourself a small prep talk hoping it’ll help. Normally you wouldn’t be so nervous but after your encounter with Tommy you can’t help it. You wonder if you’ve done the right thing. You agreed quickly. Too quickly? You haven’t had a normal life since joining the police force. You can’t remember when you just stopped to be Y/N L/N. You were always undercover. You loved it yes. You adored it. But we’re you losing yourself? You bite your skin around your nail, a nervous habit you’ve had since your father died. You start to think back to that day. That phone all that changed your life. ‘Y/N?’ You feel a hand on your shoulder pulling you out of your thoughts. You turn to see Tommy. ‘I’m sorry I was rude. We need you here. I know how you feel, can we start over?’ He offers. You relax and smile. ‘I’d love that. I’m Y/N’ you offer a handshake. He smiles, ‘good to meet you Y/N. Tommy.’ You both smile. ‘C’mon then, let’s get this thing started’ he says leading the way back.

You both enter the room, before your attention turns to Louis. ‘Glad that’s all sorted. Now Y/N I know you’ve only been out of cover for a month but you sure you’re ready to go undercover again?’ He asks turning to you, all eyes fall on you. ‘I can do it’ you say confidently with a smile. Sebastian has already made your fake documents needed for you’ he gestures to Sebastian who gathers them from his desk. He passed them all to you, you smile at him and he returns it. Such a kind smile. You look down at your new identity. (Reader - The name is your nickname from school and your mothers maiden name)

‘Impressive, not many people know to call me that. Mothers maiden name too? You definitely gonna have to tell me how you got that’ you say in a flirtatious tone. ‘They don’t call me tech god for nothing’ he says winking at you. You feel yourself blush. You clear you throat, ‘okay new identity. We got a backstory covered?’ You ask. ‘We do indeed. You were apart of another group who are known as The Indigos, non existent but believable. You were a small time dealer to begin with but once you met The Indigo group that’s where you shone. The boss took a special liking to you so you became their right hand woman. Until he set you up and got you sent down. You are now a woman after revenge and you want his blood. Of course you can fill in a details with your background but we figured it was a solid start. You will meet with the man in charge. Victor Edgar. A truly evil man. Not only wanted for supplying, selling and distributing drugs but’ Sebastian stops and takes a breath before continuing. ‘He’s also wanted for assault, rape and murder. Nothing has caught up with him yet.’ You’ve dealt with drug dealers before but not to this extent. Rape? Murder? You were in deeper than you ever thought. You nod slowly at what he’s said. ‘We understand if you want to back out Y/N, this man is not a pleasant one at all’ Eva says reassuring you. You shake your head, ‘no, no I can do it. Just a lot to take in that’s all. Please carry on Sebastian.’ You say to him. ‘We have a known location from where he parties, that will be your first interaction. It’s, it’s erm’ he stops scratching the back of his neck. ‘Where is it?’ You ask. ‘A strip club. This is who you will become. That is the start of your story’ he says. You nod slowly. Okay so now you’ve got to be semi naked. This definitely wasn’t the same operations you were use to. The others wait for you to respond, you feel all eyes on you.

‘Okay. I’m in’ you say with some what confidence. ‘To start this operation Sebastian has take a great length to make sure your location is known to us at all times so we know you are safe.’ Louis starts. ‘Only if you are comfortable with having a tracker put in you?’ He asks. You double take. ‘I’m sorry, a- a tracker? Like a dog has?’ You ask feeling confused. Tommy chuckles, your turn your head and glare at him, ‘well when you put it like that.’ He mumbles. ‘It’s a small device that will go in the just here’ Sebastian touched the back of your neck under your ear. ‘Just a pin prick, only hurts for a second. But with that we will know where you are at all times. Much safer than a wire. And it doesn’t pick up in body scans or detectors. It’s 100% safe.’ He says reassuringly. ‘I’ve also made something else similar. However this one picks up much more, instead of wearing an ear piece you can have it on the other side like the tracker. It picks up sounds. So when you are with Victor or anyone else we can hear what everyone is saying.’ He moves to his desks rooting through the papers until he finds them. He shows you them in the palm of his hand. They are tiny. ‘See? Only leave a small scar’ he says. ‘Well aren’t you clever Mr Berger. However, two things?’ You say looking back up to his eyes. ‘Yes?’ He asks. ‘One. How will I hear what you are all saying? Two. Is there anyway to have any privacy with that thing behind my ear? I mean of course you’ll need to listen in but when I have to pee? I don’t think we’re that close yet’ you say playfully. He gives a light chuckle. ‘For privacy you tap it twice and it will stop, just tap it twice again for it to come back on. Unfortunately I am not that advanced for you to hear us.’ Sebastian sighs. ‘Y/N there will always be someone else. Tonight is when we start. Eva will be working the bar, Tommy and Sebastian will look like they are paying customers. Myself and Carl will be in the car listening to your first encounter’ Louis explains. Your heart races. Unsure if it’s the fact the operation is becoming more real or the fact Sebastian and Tommy will be seeing semi naked. You quickly push those thoughts to the side. ‘Well I need to look the part’ you state pointing to your clothes. ‘Already got it covered’ Sebastian says. You turn to him raising your eyebrows. ‘Have you now?’ You ask. Sebastian face turns red, ‘I- I mean we already have your outfit prepared. Eva does’ he says a bit flustered. You giggle and bump shoulders. ‘I’m just playing with you’ you say smiling. ‘Who says going undercover can’t be fun?’ You say to everyone. ‘I will make myself more presentable and meet you in the car in 15 minutes’ you say leaving the room. ‘Can’t say she’s not up for the challenge boss. Rather her than me’ Tommy says returning to his desk. ‘I will give her the clothes’ Eva says taking the bag of ‘clothes’ for you. ‘She’s a fun one’ Carl says with a laugh. ‘More than I expected considering what happened to her parents’ Louis says sadly. ‘What happened to them?’ Carl asks. ‘It’s not my place to say’ Louis said shrugging his shoulders. Sebastian couldn’t help it. He went to his computer and googled your full name. He googled you before but not delved into your past. Louis leaves the room returning to his office. ‘Are you googling what happened to her parents?’ Carl asked making his way next to Sebastian. He sighs, ‘well all you had to do is type in her name and the word parents and this article from a newspaper came up.’ He says pointing to the screen. They both begin to read it. ‘Poor kid. No wonder she became a cop’ he says patting Sebastian on the shoulder before leaving.

In the bathroom you do your make up, normally you have a more natural look but with your location you know you needed to be less you more whatever you were going to turn into. Adding a cat eye, shimmery eyeshadow, mascara and a lipstick. Undecided on what colour to go for. As you decide between a red or purple you see Eva come in the bathroom. ‘This is what you’ll be wearing.’ She pulls your outfit out the bag. You examine it and are speechless until you realise. ‘How did you know my size?’ You asks as it looks like it’ll fit like a glove. She clears her throat, ‘well, I did not get it. You know what Sebastian is like for finding out information’ she says awkwardly. Oh. So he got this? Interesting. You couldn’t help but blush at the thought of him picking this out for you. It was a two piece purple set of lingerie. Fairly classy not tacky looking. The had little gems around the straps. You held up the bottom half of the outfit and went bright red. ‘So, so erm Sebastian picked this?’ You say holding the small piece of clothing. Eva nodded. ‘He’s been talking about you a lot.’ She blurts out. ‘How? I’ve only just met you all?’ You ask working out how you were going to pull this skimpy outfit off. ‘The major saw you name last month to do with your case. Your face not shown so he asked Sebastian to do some digging. Sebastian found out about your arrest record, all your undercover operations, the stuff that no one else could found he did. He showed it to the major and couldn’t believe how well amazing you are! Non of us could. We’ve been trying to get the scorpions for a long time. Too long. We all knew we needed your expertise. Sebastian threw himself into researching you. He’s not a creep I promise. He was just doing his job. But I do not know how he got your sizes’ Eva said. You nod to this new information. You can’t help but blush. These people are so kind to you considering you’ve just met them. Even people back home weren’t this nice. ‘Eva, do you think I can really do this?’ You ask her. Eva steps towards you and reaches for your shoulders. ‘I don’t think you can. I know you can. We all believe in you.’ She says with a warm smile. ‘Thank you, I truly appreciate it’ you say. ‘I guess I better get this on’ you gesture to your outfit. ‘Wear this on top. I don’t think you’d want Michel to see you walk around in that’ she says handing you a dressing down. You both can’t help but laugh. ‘Thanks’ you say taking it from her. With Eva gone you get into your outfit. Sebastian really did do his research as this fits you like a glove. You look in the mirror. You actually look pretty hot. You decided to go for the purple lip to match your outfit. You put your hair into pigtails adding two purple bows that came with the costume. Lastly adding the knee high bright purple boots. Dressing down on you exit the bathroom making your way to the car. You sit in the back, Carl turns around. ‘Ready?’ He asks. ‘Ready as I’ll ever be’ you say with a smile.

You were surprised how quick the journey went, Louis and Carl talking you step by step of how to start the interaction. Showing you pictures of Victor Edgar and some of his known associates. You familiarise yourself with them. They pull up around the corner and pass you everything you need. ‘You’re on the list, Sebastian got you on. Your name is Purple Bombshell. You go on at 6, so that gives you one hour to familiarise yourself with the place. Good luck Y/N’ Louis says. Carl nods to you and you exit the car. You walk to the confidentiality towards to back door to be met with the bouncer, a big guy at least 6’4. ‘Not seen you here before?’ He asks looking you up and down. ‘New girl. I’m on the list. Purple Bombshell’ you say with a bright smile. You see him look down and mark you off, ‘welcome purple bombshell. Have a good show’ he says stepping aside to let you in. You feel his hand snack your ass. Normally you’d punch a guy but you can’t right now. You turn and give him a wink

‘Okay, she’s in’ Carl said through his ear piece. ‘Yup, see her. She’s on the way to the dressing room’ Eva says whilst preparing a drink for Tommy. ‘How do you think she’ll do?’ He asks having her the money. ‘I think she’ll do great, enjoy your drink sir’ Eva says trying to stay professional. Tommy makes his way back and sits next to Sebastian. He hands him a beer. ‘Thanks’ he says taking a sip. ‘You look more nervous than Y/N man’ Tommy says sitting down. ‘Wouldn’t you be if you were in my situation?’ He asks running his sweaty palms on the back of his jeans. ‘What have a gorgeous girl giving you a lap dance in the private room?’ Tommy asks with a small laugh. ‘Well I’m the one who’s got to install her tracker and sound device without being caught.’ He whispers back taking another sip of beer. ‘Well you heard the Major we needed to make sure it would work in a loud environment. You’re the only one with the expertise. Count yourself lucky man’ Tommy says rolling his eyes. Sebastian did feel lucky. He wasn’t going to lie. ‘Tommy just concertante, Sebastian you’ll be fine, don’t worry fella’ Carls voice rings through their ears

Back in the dressing room you make your way through to a free mirror and chair. Taking off your dressing gown and touching up your lipstick in the mirror. Spraying on the perfume that was there. ‘Hey tuts, not seen you here before’ a women in the chair next to you speaks. ‘First night here’ you reply back with an excited smile. ‘Oh honey how exciting! I remember my first night. I’m Kitty Boo’ she says. ‘Purple bombshell, nice to meet you Kitty Boo’ you smile. She looked like a kitten with her outfit and cat ears. You look back at yourself and still can’t believe Sebastian picked this out. Even if the lower half was basically non existent he did do a good job. ‘Purple bombshell your up!’ You hear a man come back through with a clipboard. ‘Good luck sweetie!’ Kitty Boo calls to you. You turn you head and smile at her blowing her a kiss. You make your way out to the stage walking past Eva who’s behind the bar. You don’t miss the way her eyes got wider as you walked past. You make your way onto the stage where there was a free pole and began to dance to the music. You’d pole danced in the past but for exercise. This time was for a whole new reason. As you twirl around the pole you see Victor Edgar walk in. You quickly look to Eva and nod your head, she follows your direction and sees him. ‘I have eyes in Victor’ Eva says quietly. Tommy turns his head slowly to behind the entrance to where Victor has just walked in. ‘Okay so looks like he’s come with at least two men and three body guards. Looks like he’s making his way to the VIP area’ he says in a hushed voice. ‘Okay, Sebastian it’s almost time’ Louis says. You hadn’t seen Tommy or Sebastian just yet as you were too busy focusing on Victor. But they had most definitely seen you. Tommy noticed you first nudging Sebastian, once Sebastian’s eyes were on you they were not off. He watched the way you worked the pole, it’s clear you’d used one before. The way your body rolled against in, the way you moved to the music. He loved his outfit choice. Purple being his favourite colour of course. ‘Man put your tongue back in’ Tommy said nudging him. As the song finished you looked around the room looking around for the men. You notice them sitting watching you, you feel very exposed all of a sudden but you can’t compromise your operation so you walk over with confidence ignoring the fact your practically naked. As you reach the end of the stage you approach with a flirty smile. ‘Want a dance big boy?’ You wink biting your lip. Sebastian stays in character even though you can tell he’s her as nervous of you. ‘I thought you’d never ask’ he says as he stands up. You take Sebastian by the hand and lead him to a private room. His hand interlocks your fitting perfectly together. Tommy watches you both walk off. ‘Lucky bastard’ he takes sipping his last drop of beer. ‘Tommy will you focus?’ Eva snaps. ‘Sorry mum’ he mutters

As you approach the area for private dancers your heart beats fast. Faster than it has in a long time. Sure it does when you’re getting shot at but this is a different kind of feeling. Sebastian can’t help but take a sneaky glance at your outfit as you lead the way. ‘Got this cutie for a dance’ you say to the security blocking the curtain. ‘Money up front’ he says holding out his hand. ‘But of course’ Sebastian says handing the man £150. The man steps aside and nods you both to go in. ‘No touching unless she says that’s okay’ he warns Sebastian as he closes the curtain. Sebastian nods back. Sebastian sits down on the leather sofa, as you make your way over next to him. ‘Okay we best do this quick, don’t want him getting suspicious. I’ve heard if it’s too long the curtain gets pulled back’ you say to Sebastian. He’s nods and takes out the tracker and the listening device. You take out the device from your boot and pass it to him. He loads the first one in. ‘So this may sting a little’ he says to warn you. You nod. He puts the device under your ear and it catches you by surprise. You let out a small whimper of pain. You see the man’s feet moving behind the curtain, you quickly turn and straddle Sebastian’s lap hiding the device under the leopard print cushion next to him. Sebastian is take by your actions as you begin to grind on him. The next thing you see if the curtain being pulled back and the man looking in. ‘Hey c’mon, I’m just giving him a good time honey, close the curtain’ you say turning your head around to talk to the man. He mumbles something and closes the curtain. ‘Sorry’ you whisper as you stop grinding but don’t get off him. Sebastian gulps, ‘no, it’s okay, you, you did what was right. Erm you ready for the other one?’ He asks pointing to your ear. ‘Yeah, let me turn around so you can see better’ you say getting off his lap but only to sit back down facing the other way. Your bare ass cheeks pressing on his jeans. Sebastian shifts slightly as you settle, your not 100% sure but your pretty sure you can feel something digging into your ass. You ignore it and turn to him, ‘ready’ you say with a smile. Turning away you brace yourself for the sting. You feel it and it makes you wince, you bite your lip to stay quiet but end up moving your ass along his crotch more. He moans under you. You both stay silent for a minute before you speak. You turn your head to look at him still sitting on top of him. ‘Sebastian, I meant to ask. How did you find out my size?’ You don’t know what brings to to ask that question but you have. ‘It’s amazing what I can find out. I hope you don’t mind. The outfit, it, it looks great in you’ he says shyly. You blush at his compliment. ‘I don’t mind, you’ll just have to show me how you did it. And thank you. It’s not something I’d normally wear’ you say with a giggle. He laughs with you. ‘Two minutes left so finish up!’ The guy behind the curtain shouts. You sigh, even though this isn’t what you had in mind you don’t want Sebastian to go. You reluctantly get up, Sebastian gets an eyeful of your bare ass in his face. You turn to face him and now he’s face to face with something else. You smirk as you get on your knees and spread his legs. ‘What- what are you doing?’ He asks nervously. ‘Well, two minutes left. Just finishing your dance’ you say with a mischievous smile. It’s definitely your character coming out to play.

You lean forward on his knees making your hands stretch up to the top of his thighs giving them a little squeeze. You can see him shifting and you can’t help but feel slightly turned on. You push your chest together and bite your lip as you make eye contact with him. You push yourself up and spin around slowly showing your body off to him. You pull him by his shirt and move yourself on top of him again. You take his hands and move them onto your hips, he grips them tightly as you move up and down on his crotch. ‘Times up!’ You hear the man shout and pull back the curtain. You get off Sebastian and turn to the man, ‘can I just say goodbye, he’s my first dance after all?’ You say with a flirty smile. ‘Say your goodbyes then you upstairs in the VIP section.’ He says turning his back. ‘Thank you’ you say making your way back to Sebastian who’s stood up and trying to conceal his clear boner. You smirk to yourself. ‘Thanks for being my first dance cutie. Had fun, hope to see that pretty face again’ you say winking and giving him a kiss on the cheek. You walk away before he can reply, you’ve got a job to do now. You walk past Tommy smiling as you go upstairs to the VIP section. Sebastian comes out and sits back down next to Tommy. He doesn’t say anything for a minute just stares into space. He can’t quite believe what had just happened. ‘Sounds like you had fun’ he says with a devilish smirk. ‘What?’ Sebastian replies raising his eyebrows. ‘Mate that device of yours works wonders. Worked straight away. Well done!’ Tommy says patting his shoulder. ‘Plus we could hear everything through your ear piece’ Tommy adds. Sebastian turns an embarrassing shade of red. ‘Well done Sebastian. The tracker and noise device is working. You can get out of there now’ Louis says. As the men get up Eva also gets ready to leave. Sebastian takes on last look upstairs at the VIP section. He sees you spinning on the pole in front of Victor. His heart beats fast, he hopes you will be okay. You have to be. He needed to get to know you. Properly. ‘C’mon Romeo. Let’s go’ Tommy says as he ushers him to the door. They make the way to the car and a minute later Eva joins. ‘Okay so everything is working. Y/N is in. She’s on her own but at least we can hear everything and see where she goes. Let get back to base guys’ Carl says. ‘So Sebastian, did you have fun?’ Eva asks with a smile. Sebastian rolls his eyes as they drive back to the ICC. He can’t help but feel very worried for you

You’re still on a high from your fun encounter with Sebastian you throw yourself into your dance with the pole. Making yourself very sexy and very flexible. You definitely had eyes on you. You could feel the eyes of Victor Edgar seeping into you like you were his already. A man in a suit approaches you. ‘Mr Edgar would like to see you in his section. If you’ll. follow me’ he gestures for you to follow, you do. He pulls back the velvet rope and ushers you through. ‘Purple Bombshell I believe?’ Victors voice booms to you. You walk slowly towards him looking him over, a man most definitely in his 50’s with a thick Russian accent. He’s a bald large man with an 70s style moustache. A suit that clearly is worth more than your house along with his dazzling watch and pierced ears. ‘I can be anyone you can me to be honey’ you say sitting on his lap. A bold mood but pays off. You feel his hands on you. One on your lower back the other stroking your bare thigh up and down. ‘You’re gonna be a fun one. I could use more fun. Tell me honey, how much you make on a good night?’ He says cockily. ‘Oh baby on a good night I can make at least a thousand’ you say bringing your hand to stroke his arm. ‘Only a thousand. Well Miss Bombshell if you come with me I can make it ten times more’ he says squeezing your thigh. You want to smack him. You want to puke. You want to go back to Sebastian. You can not. This is your mission. ‘Tell me more Mr Edgar’ you say with a smile. This was only the beginning

[europeas20]

Christmas Getaway in Barcelona: San Jordi Hostels Starting at €157

Discover a new dimension of rock and roll at Rock Palace Hostel in Barcelona. Immerse yourself in the city's vibrant nightlife with our rooftop pool (available from April to September), club-themed common areas, iconic bar, extensive guitar collection, and guest kitchen.

Don't be overwhelmed as you soak in the celebrated rock 'n' roll vibe throughout the soundproof rooms and common areas, each uniquely designed after famous bars and clubs.

The modern amenities, including new appliances, free wifi, guest computers, and more, are tailored for optimal guest comfort. Centrally located and renowned as the best hostel in Barcelona, Rock Palace guarantees awe-inspiring experiences from the moment you step through the door.

Choose from a variety of room options at Rock Palace Hostel, including mixed and female rooms of various sizes, some with en-suite facilities for the ultimate convenience. Experience comfort with air conditioning, individual lights, and charging stations at each bed. Forget about carrying a padlock – our rooms feature security lockers to keep your belongings safe while you explore the city hands-free. Enjoy the added perk of free linen, ensuring a hassle-free stay. Experience Barcelona in Style with Sant Jordi Hostel!

Travel Resources Hotels and Hostels Booking.com is available in 43 languages and offers more than 28 million reported accommodation listings, including over 6.6 million homes, apartments, and other unique places to stay. TripAdvisor is the world’s largest travel guidance platform. With more than 1 billion reviews and opinions of nearly 8 million businesses, travelers turn to Tripadvisor to find deals on accommodations, and book experiences. Klook is a booking platform on which travelers can book hotels, cars, tours and activities, tickets to attractions, and shows at great prices. Hotellook is a service that helps you find and compare prices on hotels around the world, provided by a leading reservation system. Today, Hotellook.com offered to put together information on more than 250,000 hotels in 205 countries. Hostelworld, the global hostel-focused online booking platform, inspires passionate travelers to see the world, meet new people, and come back with extraordinary stories to tell. Hostelworld has more than 13 million reviews across over 17,000 hostels in more than 179 countries, making the brand the leading online hub for social travel. Tours and excursions WeGoTrip is an online service for booking audio excursions and tours on 35+ countries on different languages (mostly english). Travelers can take audio excursions created by professional tour guides and local experts. Tiqets’ innovative technology ensures that travelers can book tickets on their phone at the last minute, receive their tickets directly in a digital form, and show their mobile phones in place of physical tickets to museums, places of interest, and attractions. Offers available passes in Europe and the US.

Car Rental You can find the best car rental prices at QEEQ.COM. QEEQ.COM serves road trip travellers from different countries by working with car rental companies all over the world. The company offers its customers the widest set of car rental options and always strives to offer the most competitive price Read the full article

[magicalmeee]

intricateink​:

Who: Rita&Gilderoy @magicalmeee​

Where: The home of Rita and Gilderoy

When: Late evening, April, 1982

Rita Skeeter lounged on the plush sofa, her slender fingers tracing the rim of her wine glass, the rich burgundy liquid swirling within. The room was bathed in a warm, golden light that danced with the flicker of the fire, and the scent of lavender wafted through the air, intertwining with the familiar aroma of fresh ink. It was the perfect setting for a night of whispered secrets and shared stories with her captivating flatmate, Gilderoy Lockhart.

Gilderoy, his debut book a few months behind him, seemed restless, the itch to begin his next literary masterpiece growing stronger by the day. Rita understood his ambitions well, for they shared a love of gossip and storytelling that had become the foundation of their complex friendship.

“Darling Gilderoy,” Rita purred, her blue eyes meeting his as he entered the room, a sly glint sparkling in their depths. She rested the tip of the fussy, pink feather of her pen against the corner of her mouth. “Won’t you join me for a glass of wine and some deliciously scandalous gossip? Your next book won’t write itself, and I have a feeling a bit of indulgence might just fan the flames of your creativity.”

As she spoke, she gestured to the empty seat beside her, a playful smile dancing on her lips, and a delicate twist of her wrist gathered together the papers strewn about her, making room for the boy. “And if we’re feeling particularly adventurous, I’ve come across a divine new nail polish and a rejuvenating face mask that we simply must try. After all, a little pampering can do wonders for the artistic soul, wouldn’t you agree?”

Rita’s words floated through the air like silk, her eyes never leaving Gilderoy’s. Memories of past late-night sessions, filled with laughter and ambition, flooded her mind, and she felt a thrill of anticipation at the thought of the secrets they would uncover and the stories they would weave together.

As she waited for Gilderoy’s response, Rita’s heart swelled with a mixture of excitement and nostalgia. In the warm embrace of their shared sanctuary, Rita Skeeter and Gilderoy Lockhart could once again indulge in the intimate dance of ambition and intrigue that had come to define their unique and irresistible bond. Rita loved it. She loved that Gilderoy understood the cost of a story, the ambition you needed to make it excellent. She had faced so many over the years that didn’t understand the life of a writer, the yearning and need to capture and pen and succeed. Gilderoy did, and she adored him for it, in her own way. 

“Mm? Come, come, sweetheart.”

.

Gilderoy usually believed his luck and had no problem doing so. Why wouldn’t good things come to a charming young man such as himself? For all the things he actually cared about, he was hard working, intelligent, and empathetic... never mind the silly things Gilderoy didn’t value much. 

Nevertheless, Gilderoy could hardly believe his luck when it came to Rita Skeeter. Even for him this set up seemed too good; A beautiful apartment, centrally located near some of the best clubs and venues around, and most of all- a drop dead gorgeous woman. Who happened to be a brilliant, well connected reporter?

There were no notes, Gilderoy would not change this situation for anything in the world. And most importantly- he would not take it for granted. Gilderoy would make sure Rita was always completely satisfied with him.

As she called to him, Gilderoy perked up from the other corner of the room, where he had been reading fan mail. These letters were still a novelty to him- one he wasn’t sure would ever ware off. “I will most certainly join you,” Gilderoy answered, coming over to where she was sitting. He stood in front of her, swallowing dryly, clearly struggling to think through how to respond as she continued. As always, when in doubt, Gilderoy granted her a smile, kneeling down to her, his lips close to her shoulder, as he conspiratorially agreed. “Adventurous? Pampering? Those two words should be used together more often...”

[giftwrappingpaper]

jiang yanli and lan wangji friendship agenda

summary: lan wangji visits lotus pier and drinks tea with jiang yanli.

jyl and lwj would've been good friends and it's a crime they barely interact w each other in canon. here's my application to the let jyl and lwj be friends club. takes place in a canon divergence of cql ep 24 where lwj visits yunmeng instead of lxc

written for the mxtx remix

-----

Jiang Yanli finds Lan Wangji at the entrance of Lotus Pier, shoulders straight and fist resting rigidly at the small of his back. A thin sheen of sweat coats his stoic face; it is the height of summer, and even Jiang Yanli, daughter of Yunmeng’s lotus rivers and humid breeze, shifts uncomfortably under the sun’s unforgiving heat.

“Lady Jiang,” he says, punctuating his greeting with a bow. “I apologize for arriving unannounced.”

Jiang Yanli remembers herself. They are not in Qishan anymore, war-weary and conversing over her comatose brother — they are in Yunmeng, and she is the lady of Lotus Pier. “There is no need for apologies, Hanguang-jun,” she says, bowing in return. “You are always welcome here. Please, come in.”

He follows her through the gates and into the central training field, where a group of recently recruited YunmengJiang disciples practice sword forms under Jiang Cheng’s critical sneer. He slaps at a disciple’s weak wrist and locked knees as Jiang Yanli and Lan Wangji traverse the bordering walkway to Lotus Pier’s main hall.

A servant brings them a pot of tea and makes to fill their cups, but Jiang Yanli shoos him off. A rather cruel drink to serve in this weather, but Lan Wangji doesn’t complain when it’s offered to him, so Jiang Yanli lets it be. “Sword Hall was one of the first rooms we rebuilt,” she tells him after they’re settled in their seats. “We deemed it forthcoming to prioritize the rooms used to entertain our esteemed guests.”

Lan Wangji’s eye’s flicker at the newly lacquered wood, the newly minted metalwork. “A show of hospitality to your patrons?” he assumes.

More like a show of strength. Most of the YunmengJiang Sect’s wealth was charred to insignificance, and the reparations they’d plundered after the Sunshot Campaign could only go so far. They could not afford to rebuild on their own, nor could they afford to reveal this weakness to visiting clans. Their status as a Great Sect hinges on their reputation as a sect that can overcome the destruction of their home and the massacre of their people. The first step in doing so: coddling powerful, prying, paying visitors with amenable lodgings and entertainment.

Jiang Cheng had wanted to rebuild their ancestral shrine first, to honor the newly coveted remains of their mother and father. Jiang Yanli had been the one to convince him otherwise.

“Hospitality,” she echoes, serving Lan Wangji a cup. “Hm. I suppose you can call it that.”

They drink their tea. As the minutes pass in silence she marvels at Lan Wangji’s patience, for she is no fool — Lan Wangji hadn’t made the journey to Yunmeng to drink tea with her.

“I believe A-Xian left this morning,” she informs him. Lan Wangji’s already prim posture stiffens at the mention of Wei Wuxian, and she smiles.

He stares at his cup. After a beat he glances up and says, “I did not come bearing ill intentions.”

“I didn’t think you did. You came to play for him again, yes?” She can still hear the echoing twang of his guqin, perfectly measured chords plucked by slender fingers. It had calmed her heartbeat and brought color to Wei Wuxian’s pale pallor. It had been sweet. It had been lovely.

It had helped. Maybe it will help again. Wei Wuxian more often than not returns home haunted-eyed and smelling of liquor.

“I did, yes. Where may I find him?”

“In town, most likely.” She hesitates, then recalls the tenderness in Lan Wangji’s music and face as he played Wei Wuxian a song of cleansing. “Beyond his usual duties, A-Xian hasn’t been spending much time in Lotus Pier.”

Concern pinches Lan Wangji’s brow. “Why is that?”

They had been steadfast in recreating the Lotus Pier they grew up in — an exact replica of the halls Jiang Yanli spent her childhood walking through. In that they succeeded, down to the lotus flowers listing across the courtyard ponds. But the wood is too new, the metalwork too untarnished. Only recently did Jiang Yanli realize what was missing from her usual nightly routine: it was the wayward splinter she’d pluck from her robes before going to bed, pricked from the scuffed flooring worn down by generations of footsteps.

No attempt at rebuilding can truly hide the scorched earth the QishanWen Sect left behind. No freshly dug up lotus pond can make Jiang Yanli forget that the room she and Lan Wangji are drinking tea in is strides away from the spot her parents were killed.

Jiang Yanli traces the rim of her cup with her thumb. “Lotus Pier has been rebuilt, but it is not the same,” she says, her eyes focused on Lan Wangji’s shoulder. “A-Xian is not used to it.” None of them are.

“I see,” Lan Wangji says. He rests his hands together. “Moving forward is no easy task.”

Moving forward. They share a look, and she is reminded that the Cloud Recesses had been burned to the ground, too.

“We all have our hardships. But it has been especially hard for A-Xian. He hasn’t told me, but I think he may feel…” she struggles to find the words. “He may feel a sense of responsibility for what had happened. Like it was his fault. Which is — “

“Ridiculous,” they say in tandem. A beat of silence before comprehension sets. Jiang Yanli giggles into her sleeve, and the corners of Lan Wangji’s lips twitch in what can almost be taken as the beginning of a grin.

“Yes, ridiculous.” She lifts her hand down, still smiling. “And while I trust him when he says he has it under control, the demonic cultivation he’s been so fond of as of late is a concern. So I’m glad you’re here.”

His eyes soften at her approval. Who was it that spread the rumors of this man’s aloofness? Lan Wangji was as open a book as Jiang Yanli’s brothers. “I have learned several new pieces of music since Qishan. They may help with lifting spirits and facilitating a clean mind.”

“That’s good to hear.” Her smile turns teasing. “Though I’m sure seeing you is more than enough to help lift A-Xian’s spirits. But perhaps not with the clean mind.”

Lan Wangji’s ears heat into a dusty pink. Jiang Yanli laughs again, not bothering this time to hide behind her sleeve. Oh, these boys.

How long has it been since she had the time to sit down like this? It had to have been before the Sunshot Campaign. Enough time to render this scene unfamiliar: an afternoon enjoying the company of another. Jiang Yanli is the daughter of the YunmengJiang Sect, the older sister of Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian, and content with the life she’s chosen. Yet even before the loss and the war and the terrible, unyielding hope, she had long forgotten what it was like stealing an hour for herself.

But enough selfishness; she has already taken enough of his time. “We may go to him now, if you’d like,” she offers, and the way Lan Wangji perks up at the prospect of seeing Wei Wuxian makes her lighten with fondness. “I’m unsure of his exact location, but I do know some of his favorite haunts intown.”

He opens his mouth. Stops. “When will he return?” he asks instead of the eager affirmation Jiang Yanli had expected.

“It shouldn’t be long. Contrary to what he wants us to believe, our A-Xian is a responsible shixiong.”

Lan Wangji nods. “Then I shall wait for him here.”

Jiang Cheng’s barked orders leak through the walls. Had she misheard? But Lan Wangji doesn’t elaborate, and all Jiang Yanli can do is blink and ask, “Are you sure?”

He gestures to their tea pot, still half full. “If you would allow it,” he offers, and there is a trepidation in his voice that makes her realize that ah, this is new for him, too, “I would like to continue enjoying our tea.”

The porcelain of Jiang Yanli’s cup soothes the tea’s residual heat against her curved palms. Warmth of a different sort sails through her veins and nestles near the space in her heart that harbors the love she holds for her brothers. Not there exactly. Not yet. But perhaps one day it can be.

“Yes,” Jiang Yanli says, and reaches forward to pour them both another drink. “I would like that, too.”

----

also posted on ao3

promo post on twitter

fic commissions

[lorirwritesfanfic]

Warming Up

Author's note: This is the second and last request I got for Kinktober, also written for @lyannacyrill706​​. Two days late, but whatever. Enjoy! [Leading character is owned by Pixelberry Studios and original character is a creation of the author] 

Book: Desire & Decorum (modern day AU) Pairing: Ernest Sinclaire x F!OC Rating: E Word count: 1293 Reading time: ~5min Summary: Long tedious days are easily forgotten once Ernest and Alisha have a moment to unwind.  Based on the prompt: CFWC Kinktober - Day 10: Bath/Shower

Rain poured at Edgewater county when the car rolled to a stop at Ledford Park entrance. It has been a few hours since Ernest left work, yet when his biggest clients asked for meetings after hours, he couldn't give himself the luxury to refuse it. But truth be told, he could barely wait to go home.

He greeted his staff as he walked into the manor and climbed up the stairs. At that time of the night, Alisha usually would be waiting for him in the living room or in the master bedroom. Each step made him more eager than ever to meet her. But to his surprise, there was no sign of his wife, except for the scent of her perfume lingering in the air.

Just then, the smell of her favorite bath products spread in the air. He broke into a smile. She probably had a tiring day as well and needed to soak in the tub. With that, Ernest went to his en suite and stopped by the threshold.

Inside the bathroom, a thick layer of foam covered the tub. Alisha sat on the rim and lit up a few candles. A soothing instrumental song played in the background, clean towels, a book and scented water were arranged in a small table nearby.

“Long day?”

She turned around, stood up and sauntered over to him. “Really long.” Rising on her toes, she threw her arms around his neck and kissed him. “Hi.”

“Hi.” He said softly.

“I know your day was busier than mine, but at least you do the things you like. Aren’t socialites supposed to have more time to do something fun?”

Ernest tried to suppress a smile as his wife ranted. Being new to the life among gentry folk, Alisha had no interest in sitting pretty to have “weak tea” and gossip. Which is one of the many things he loved about her.

“Knitting club and pottery classes are supposed to be relaxing but ugh… Those women are insufferable! I’m quite sure if Annabelle didn’t host book club, I would’ve given up already…” She whined. “Can we just go back to our honeymoon in Scotland and go horseback riding, hiking and skinny dipping again?”

“I would love to. But I’m afraid the water would be too cold for skinny dipping at this time of the year, my love.”

"Colder than it was when we were there?"

"Autumn in South Lanarkshire is something else."

"Coming from a person who enjoys cold showers, all I can say is sheesh!" Alisha grimaced and shook her body as if pretending to feel cold.

Ernest chuckled. "Cold weathers aren't so bad."

"Sure... When you're indoors sitting by the fire, or under layers of blankets. Or enjoying the perks of a house with central heating."

"That's true. But there are other ways to keep warm," he whispered, toying with the tie of her bath robe.

“I couldn’t agree more. In fact, I was thinking about one of the many alternatives we have here,” she cooed, unbuttoning his shirt.

"I can see that…" He glanced at the tub then at his wife. "Were you planning to have a bath on your own?"

"Yes. It'd be great to read a good book and relax whilst the body oils and my face mask work their magic, but…" Alisha pushed his shirt off his shoulders and her hands roamed over his chest and stomach. "If you join me, it'll be so much better."

"Is that so?"

"Mmmhmm…" She unbuckled his belt and pulled it out, then proceeded to run her fingers along the zipper in his trousers. "Have a bath with, my darling husband."

His eyes went dark as they followed the path her fingers made. "You're a vixen, Alisha."

"So I've heard." She stepped away and smiled mischievously whilst she untied her robe and took it off.

Ernest ogled her nude sinuous body as she got into the tub. Once he removed the last of his garments, he followed suit, sitting across from her.

"Are you keeping a safe distance from me, my dear sir?"

"You said you wanted to unwind reading a book and putting on a face mask." He gave her a knowing look.

"That was before you arrived," she said, crawling into the tub. She stood on her hands and knees before him, her face centimetres away from his. "Now I want you."

"As you wish," he murmured, cupping one side of her face as he claimed her mouth as his. His tongue ran along her bottom lip as he pulled her on top of him.

With one arm around his neck, her free hand drifted down his torso and stopped right between his legs. Alisha held his member and began to stroke him. Her lips brushed on his ear, tugging it softly her teeth as his manhood grew stiff under touch.

Ernest was close to the edge when he held her wrist. "Stop."

"Why? Weren't you enjoying yourself?" She feigned disappointment pouting.

"I was. But I also know a way we both can make the best of our time."

Biting down her lip, Alisha purred. "Then show me."

"Turn away and lean forward." He commanded.

As instructed, she faced away from him and looked over her shoulder before she leaned forward. A slow smile spread on her lips as she felt him move closer and place his hands on her waist. Soon, the tip of his cock brushed between her legs, teasing her as he pressed himself against her entrance then pulled back.

Groaning impatiently, she pushed her backside against him.

"Eager, aren't you?" He taunted.

"Always."

Holding her hips, Ernest plunged himself into her. Once he was inside her, he slowly pushed away, almost pulling out only to slide back in fast and hard. His lips curled up as she moaned in response. Ever since their first night together, he knew. It was impossible for them to resist each other.

As he picked up the pace, Alisha braced herself to the rim of the bathtub. Pearls of sweat ran down her temples as she met him halfway. One of his hands reached her folds and teased her bundle of nerves. She panted, slowly losing herself into the feeling of him.

Inside the bedroom, the air grew heavy. Between harsh breaths and loud moans, they kissed. His fingers dug into her hair. Undoing the messy bun that held her long dark tresses on the top of her head, he twisted them around his wrist and pulled her closer.

She gasped, throwing her head as heat built up inside her, taking over her senses. "My love, I…" She trailed off.

"Are you close?" He murmured.

"Yes."

"Come for me."

Her legs trembled. Water lapped against their bodies as their moves became erratic. It didn't take long until she cried out his name as pleasure reached its peak.

Like his wife, Ernest didn't hold back. Once he was close to the edge again, his muscles tensed. A guttural grunt escaped his throat as his seed spilled inside her. Deeply satisfied but tired, he eased himself out of her and sat back in the tub.

Sitting between his legs, Alisha rested on her back on his chest and looked at the tub. The water felt slightly colder and there was no longer foam in it.

"Did we just ruin your moment of relaxation?"

"I don't know about that. I feel as relaxed as I was this morning before you left to work.”

“I’m glad.” He kissed the top of her hair softly as they caught their breaths, savoring the bliss of afterglow in the tub.

[yurimother]

LGBTQ Light Novel Review: Sexiled Vol. 2

I recently became distraught over the state of light novels when an English license of Buck Naked in Another World was announced (obviously, that is was the problem with isekai harems, too much PANTS). However, my sadness quickly turned to jubilation as I realized that I had the second volume of Sexiled loaded up and was able to throw myself into the phenomenal tale of women dismantling the patriarchy, obliterating misogynists with overpowered magic, and kissing. Ameko Kaeruda has penned another triumphant and empowering feminist power fantasy for all readers to enjoy.

The story begins shortly after the conclusion of the first volume. The all-girls adventuring party Lilium is now famous after their spectacular win at the sparring tournament and enjoys their elevated status, one of the perks of which is a VIP table at their favorite restaurant. They are also responsible for supervising lower-ranked parties on quests. Usually, this involves men underestimating Lilium, attempting to show off and protect them, and then needing to be saved by the girls.

Just like the first volume, Sexiled 2 takes the opportunity to tell a few short stories highlighting gender inequalities from the real world. One such story involves the team representing at negotiations and a duel on behalf of a young woman who, after going out with some friends, was drugged and then forced into an engagement. When the slimeball man laced her drink and proposed, she did not say no, which he took as agreement. This narrative is an allegory for sexual assault, with the man drugging her drink and then taking her lack of ability to say no as consent. Kaeruda changes this structure slightly to being a woman forced into engagement instead of unwanted contact, which is understandable; these are delicate topics.

The main villain and story arc take more of a central state role here than in the first volume, which saw the antagonist act in the background as a driving force for Tanya to seek her revenge. It starts when Lillium gets invited to the palace for a party, which includes a side plot about the disparity in men’s and women’s fashion and footwear culminating in Laplace, still acting under the pseudonym Stone Cold Stunner, kneeling to present Tanya with a ring (gay).

While at the palace, the girls learn of the court grand mage Maxwell. He has served for the past 300 years as a dominant force in the country, manipulating it to become a sexist society where women are mistreated and forced to conform to unfair standards, all to sate his inferiority complex. More importantly, Laplace confesses that he is her father, who abused and experimented on her for his gain. When some of Maxwell's misdeeds finally caught up to him, he framed and imprisoned her. However, encouraged by Tanya’s ability to stand up for herself (and the love shared between the two), Laplace is finally able to face him.

The second half of the book features the epic showdown between Lilium and Maxwell. It is satisfying and grand; however, I, unfortunately, had a few issues with it. For one, while the battle has an excellent flow and builds during it, there is not much time for Maxwell to be established as a complete and motivating adversary, making some of the payoffs feel unearned. It is also hard to track Maxwell’s motivations and various schemes, he is making an immortal bride army cloned after Laplace, but he also wants to use her blood to create immortality, and he is going to drain all the mana in the city FullMetal Alchemist style. There is just a bit too much coming at the reader too fast for it to stick.

Fortunately, there are plenty of aspects in this light novel deserving of love and praise. The humor is spot-on; it is outrageous, profane, and injected with just the right amount of meme culture. Laplace proclaiming, “We’re not in trouble yet! This isn’t even my final form… I still have 530,000 more phases to go!” is outrageous but also profoundly in character for the confident sorcerous. The most excellent bits of comedy always involves the absurd amount of power the women of Lilium have. Whether they are taking over a jail cell and redecorating it with posh furniture, sneaking a midnight snack from the emperor’s refrigerator, or punching the living mana out of some sexist pig, there is always such a sense of fun and adventure, not to mention female empowerment!

Another huge positive for this volume is that it expands outwards with a few more interesting side characters, such as the princess Arianora, who is a vital part of the grand battle with Maxwell. It even features a few male characters that are not complete evil bastards, one of my few complaints about the first volume. Tanya reflects on her surprise when she meets a man who is as inspired by Lilium as the many young women in the novel, saying, “Male or female, it doesn’t matter. The circumstances of your birth should never deter you from following your heart.” That sentiment is quality feminism, and I adore its inclusion.

Additionally, the returning minor characters get some more love in this volume. Nadine uses some of her secret assassin skills to dismantle opponents and sexist traditions with frightening speed. She has a few scenes devoted to her acting without Tanya or Laplace, making her a dynamic character for the occasional B storyline. Katherine Foxxi, a minor antagonist from the first volume who, after being shown kindness by Nadine and realizing her greatest desire is to help people, joins Lilium and frequently accompanies Nadine on her quests. This B team has some of the best moments in the novel, such as when Katherine chooses to fight Maxwell, giving Nadine the chance to slip away in a dramatic and thrilling sequence. However, there are too few moments when all four women work together at one task, which somewhat destroys the idea that they are one team of equals, especially considering how much more powerful Tanya and Laplace are from the others.

Volume 2 takes steps away from the possible love triangle I predicted in my review of Volume 1. While there were initially romantic inclinations between Nadine, Tanya, and Laplace, Kaeruda pulls back Nadine’s involvement with the two, leaving the magi-knight and sorceress most of the romantic moments. These scenes are never exessive or grotesque and usually consists of the two embracing or holding hands. While the characters make a few more sexual jibes and speak of kissing, deeper physical contact between characters is minimalized. This censorship is both an upside, as it allows for a greater focus on the plot, and a detriment, as characters are clearly romantically involved, but the reader is told this more than they are shown it. There are, however some choice nuggets of Yuri goodness such as the ring scene previously mentioned and Tanya inspiring Laplace to stand up against her abusive father. Of course, having too many sexual moments may undermine the point of Sexiled, so I ultimately applaud Kaeruda on the restraint.

While I have minor grievances with many pieces of the light novel, the positives vastly outweighed the negatives. Unfortunately, there is one aspect of Sexiled that I cannot reconcile, the illustrations. The opening full-color pieces of artwork are adequate. Still, within the book, readers are too often greeted with atrocious sketches with inconsistent character appearances that often appear warped and stretched. Setting the poor quality artwork alongside Kaeruda’s fantastic script and Molly Lee’s excellent translation damns them that much harder, and so the illustrations detract significantly from the work.

Sexiled: My Party leader kicked Me Out, So I Teamed Up With a Mythical Sorceress! Volume 2 is another excellent and empowering female power fantasy. While it makes minor missteps in its pacing and artwork, the hilarious and thoughtful narrative will leave readers feeling emboldened and affirmed. This volume cements Sexiled as one of the greatest light novel series I have ever read and an absolute must-read for all fans of the medium, and frankly many of its detractors too.

Ratings: Story – 9 Characters – 9 Art  – 3 LGBTQ – 5 Sexual Content – 3 Final – 8

Review copy provided by J-Novel Club

Check out Sexiled Volume 2 digitally today: https://amzn.to/35ZObR2 (Affiliate Link)

[winchester-with-wings]

Chemical Reactions (Part 28)

Series Summary: Being a teacher at Central City Academy doesn’t leave much time for a personal life. You didn’t really notice or care…that is until the day the new substitute science teacher, Barry Allen makes an appearance.

SERIES MASTERLIST

Part 28 Summary: Barry has a solution and he hasn’t told you. You just have to trust him. Trust the man you love.

Pairing: Barry Allen x Reader, Substitute Teacher!Barry Allen x Teacher!Reader

Word Count: 1400ish

A/N: Thank you to everyone who has stuck through me with this series! It took forever, I know, and part of me is disappointed in that but really I’m happy that I finished it. It’s kinda like the first draft of a book. That stuff takes forever too right!? And I really have enjoyed this story! I want to rewrite this into an original book actually too! The epilogue will be sweet too! please please please let me know what you think!

Please let me know what you guys think of the story! Send me asks!

Mobile Masterlist

This was posted earlier on my Patreon! Wanna get previews, early access and make requests? Become a Patron! Can’t become a patron? please consider a donation to my Ko-Fi (Tips are appreciated!)

---------------------

You and Barry actually go through the first day of classes as usual. It’s a pretty easy day, going over the syllabus, get-to-know-you games, maybe a pop quiz.

At lunch, you’re surprised to find that you and Barry have the same off period, the same period as Caitlin and Cisco too. You can only imagine how this coincidence would’ve gone down if you were still dating Julian; it’s probably exactly how Caitlin and Cisco expect it to be.

Tension hangs in the air from them as they watch the two of you sit at the same table - several seats apart of course - Barry at one end of the table and you at the other. Skilled in the art of keeping secrets, you and Barry avoid eye contact.

Caitlin sits next to you and Cisco sits next to Barry.

“Is everything okay?” Caitlin asks you, keeping her back turned slightly to the men. You raise your head and smile.

“Yeah. Everything’s great,” you say, your eyes drifting across the table to look at Barry as he looks up for a second. Caitlin and Cisco watch as Barry looks away with a smug smile.

“Ohhh snap,” Cisco laughs.

“But what about…” Caitlin starts to whisper to you but you shake your head.

---------------------

The Dean is in his office a short time after the school day ends. Barry steps into the administrative office to see if he’s available and his assistant says that he’ll see you in a few minutes.

You’re just sitting on a bench, your hands shifting on the straps to your book bag while Barry is a few feet away, pacing in the hallway and on the phone.

“Yeah? You’re sure?” He comes up to you for a second, miming for a pen and paper, and then walks away with it again. “That would work. Yeah, awesome. Thanks, Joe. I really appreciate it. Yeah I’ll see you dinner this weekend.”

Your ears perk up at the mention of Barry’s father. You hadn’t really thought to ask who he was calling but if you had guessed, you wouldn’t have thought of Joe. Maybe you should have. Joe was Barry’s father, perhaps he needed his advice? You didn’t think Barry was seeking advice at this point though; he seemed to have it all figured out.

“Are you going to let me in on your master plan, Mr. Allen?” you ask under your breath as Barry took his seat next to you. After stashing his phone and whatever notes he’d taken into his pocket, he reaches out to grasp your hand in your lap.

“You’ll see. Promise me, do you trust me?”

“Of course I do,” you say. You notice the assistant eyeing the two of your from behind her glasses. She gets a short phone call and then bids you to enter Dr. Stein’s office.

You go to release his hand but Barry holds tight. You walk into the office hand-in-hand and Dr. Stein notices immediately. His eyebrows raise and he takes off his glasses, rubbing his eyes and sighing. He gestures to the chairs at his desk. The last time you were here, you’d been found out. Your stomach had flipped and your heart had dropped.

“I thought we’d already discussed this,” Dr. Stein begins, taking his own seat. “I thought you’d made a decision.”

“We did, sir,” you respond, your voice wavering.

“And you lied to me,” he assumes.

“No, sir. We did end it but…”

“My ultimatum still stands. But if you’ve continued this affair with deception, then I feel inclined to make the decision for the both of you.” The calm tone of Dr. Stein’s voice betrays no satisfaction. You squeeze Barry’s hand. Are you both about to lose your jobs? Should you speak up? What is Barry thinking? After a pause, Dr. Stein sits up and reaches for the phone. “Very well.”

“Sir, I’d like to tender my resignation.”

Your heart skips a beat. You can’t breathe as you try to reclaim your voice.

“Oh?” The Dean puts down the phone.

“Sir, with all due respect, I love Y/N and I refuse to end our relationship, again.” He releases your hand and you rest it in your lap. Barry pulls an envelope out of his back pocket and places it on the desk in front of him. You feel the urge to speak up, to defend yourself and Barry. “Speak up, Y/N,” say, “No, I’m Spartacus! Fire me!” But then you remember Barry’s insistence; you have to trust him.

“I’ve been offered the opportunity to work full-time for CCPD and their crime scene investigation unit. I’d like to accept the position so that Y/N can continue working here. We respect the policy and did our best to agree to your terms but we can’t. If I leave Central City Academy, will Y/N be allowed to maintain her position here?” Barry sits up straight in his chair to indicate the end of his proposal. You’re sure you looked stunned because Dr. Stein seems to be watching you for a reaction. The corner of his mouth tilts up slightly. He takes the envelope and opens it, reading its contents.

“I appreciate that you came prepared,” he says after what seems like minutes of silence. “Miss Y/L/N, are you agreeable to this solution?”

Your mouth hangs open for a second as you look between Barry and the Dean. “I--I mean…” Barry gives you a small nod of encouragement. “Yes sir. If Barry wants to pursue a job in his field of study, I’m not going to stop him.” Your answer surprises even yourself as you process this recent decision. Barry smiles at you; he knew that you’d understand. This was the rational choice, the best choice for the two of you. “I’m sorry we violated the policy though. I’d understand if you wanted my resignation as well.” You flinch as you wait for him to call your bluff.

Dr. Stein leans back in his seat and waves Barry’s letter. “This is sufficient. I’d rather post only one position than two. If you can maintain a professional demeanor for these next two weeks, that would be appreciated.” He rose from his seat and the two of you followed suit. “I accept your resignation, Mr. Allen. We will miss your contribution to the faculty.” He reaches out and shakes Barry’s hand while Barry offers a polite smile, likely fighting back a bigger smile you guess.

“Thank you, sir,” you say, shaking his hand as well.

Stepping out of his office and the administrative office, you’re on edge like a kid on Christmas morning, ready to burst. When you’ve put some distance between you and the office, you breathe a great sigh of relief.

“Oh my god,” you gasp. “I can’t...I can’t believe that just happened.” Barry starts laughing and you slap his shoulder. “You got a job with CCPD?! Why didn’t you tell me?!” You beam at him.

“I wanted to surprise you. Two birds, one stone. Plus I didn’t want to risk you trying to talk me out of quitting.”

“No, no I wouldn’t have done that.” You’re probably lying to yourself. Barry stares you down, reading your mind. “I mean, I don’t think so. I mean...you’re going to actually apply what you teach to the real world. That’s your dream.”

Barry wraps his arms around your waist and pulls you against him.

“You’re my dream,” he says. You snort at him, disbelieving. “Well, one of them at least. I sometimes dream about eating whatever I want and not getting fat.”

“Hey, me too!” you giggle.

“Or having superpowers, that’s a big dream of mine. I’m only a few lab experiments gone wrong away from that one,” Barry jokes.

You laugh and loop your arms around his neck. “You’re my hero, Barry Allen. I love you.”

“I love you too.” Barry lifts your chin to look up at him and kisses you sweetly. It’s after school hours. There’s no risk, right?

Until you hear a burst of whispers.

 “Oh my god!”

                          “Did you see that?”

          “Turn around and look!”

                                                              “No way!”

You pull back and look around to see the cheerleaders and another after school club meeting in the hallway. All eyes are on you. Their fingers are typing as the rumor mill starts spinning, churning out the truth for once.

“It’s true love! We called it! Miss Y/L/N and Mr. Allen are totally a thing! Finally!”

------------

tags:  @autoblocked​ @book-loving--anime-chick​ @abbessolute​ @karazoiel​ @overlyobsethed​  @therealcap​ @whoopxd​ @bookworm4ever99​ @geeksareunique​ @pottxrwolff​ @frankie2902​ @fabinapercabeth4179​ @yessoftball-lover06​ @blckthrns​ @barry-writes​ @ravenhaviland​ @clockblobber​ @melaninspice11​ @softdudebro​ @parkerschurros​ @stuttering-psychopath​ @woaahkelsey​ @montytheravenclaw​ @sanya-gryff​ @smutfornerds​ @ladylizzieofdarbyshire​ @percyjackson886​ @mcheung0314​

[friendsiguess]

It's Finally Here!

So literally forever ago, I posted asking if anyone was interested in some fic recs for the Friends fandom. And then I got sidetracked and never posted anything. But I'm finally ready and I will be making various posts with lists of fic reviews. Just to be clear, pretty much all the fics I'm recommending are queer and are either Chandler/Joey or Monica/Rachel content. I don't have anything against other ships, it's just that I'm recommending things that I've personally read so I can give good reviews, and these are the types of stories that I like reading.

With all that said, the first post will be up in just a bit! Happy Reading!

[europeas20]

Christmas Getaway in Barcelona: San Jordi Hostels Starting at €157

Discover a new dimension of rock and roll at Rock Palace Hostel in Barcelona. Immerse yourself in the city's vibrant nightlife with our rooftop pool (available from April to September), club-themed common areas, iconic bar, extensive guitar collection, and guest kitchen.

Don't be overwhelmed as you soak in the celebrated rock 'n' roll vibe throughout the soundproof rooms and common areas, each uniquely designed after famous bars and clubs.

The modern amenities, including new appliances, free wifi, guest computers, and more, are tailored for optimal guest comfort. Centrally located and renowned as the best hostel in Barcelona, Rock Palace guarantees awe-inspiring experiences from the moment you step through the door.

Choose from a variety of room options at Rock Palace Hostel, including mixed and female rooms of various sizes, some with en-suite facilities for the ultimate convenience. Experience comfort with air conditioning, individual lights, and charging stations at each bed. Forget about carrying a padlock – our rooms feature security lockers to keep your belongings safe while you explore the city hands-free. Enjoy the added perk of free linen, ensuring a hassle-free stay. Experience Barcelona in Style with Sant Jordi Hostel!

Travel Resources Hotels and Hostels Booking.com is available in 43 languages and offers more than 28 million reported accommodation listings, including over 6.6 million homes, apartments, and other unique places to stay. TripAdvisor is the world’s largest travel guidance platform. With more than 1 billion reviews and opinions of nearly 8 million businesses, travelers turn to Tripadvisor to find deals on accommodations, and book experiences. Klook is a booking platform on which travelers can book hotels, cars, tours and activities, tickets to attractions, and shows at great prices. Hotellook is a service that helps you find and compare prices on hotels around the world, provided by a leading reservation system. Today, Hotellook.com offered to put together information on more than 250,000 hotels in 205 countries. Hostelworld, the global hostel-focused online booking platform, inspires passionate travelers to see the world, meet new people, and come back with extraordinary stories to tell. Hostelworld has more than 13 million reviews across over 17,000 hostels in more than 179 countries, making the brand the leading online hub for social travel. Tours and excursions WeGoTrip is an online service for booking audio excursions and tours on 35+ countries on different languages (mostly english). Travelers can take audio excursions created by professional tour guides and local experts. Tiqets’ innovative technology ensures that travelers can book tickets on their phone at the last minute, receive their tickets directly in a digital form, and show their mobile phones in place of physical tickets to museums, places of interest, and attractions. Offers available passes in Europe and the US.

Car Rental You can find the best car rental prices at QEEQ.COM. QEEQ.COM serves road trip travellers from different countries by working with car rental companies all over the world. The company offers its customers the widest set of car rental options and always strives to offer the most competitive price Read the full article

[oakandcirrus]

spn au

Takes place after 12x23 before season 13. 

Dean had needed some fresh air and something to kill. He’d found a hunt and the next morning they were off. They left the Nephilim, Jack, at the bunker with Jody. Dean had been reluctant to leave him with her but Sam trusted Jack and Dean trusted Sam. Hell was crumbling without a king, without order. Demons came up to the surface to wreak all kinds of havoc. This particular case was in Denver. There’d been evidence of hellhounds, which meant crossroad deals. From the looks of it, the demons had been coming to collect not even days after the deal was made. The first two had been simple enough. A milk run. It had gotten a little hairy when the hellhounds showed up but they’d made it out with minor injuries. After a burger or two and a beer, Sam found a case in Fort Collins, just 64 miles north of Denver. 

Two strangers both lost their minds and murdered each other in a Home Depot. It was strange but as Dean had always said, “People are crazy”. If it was anything it was probably demon possession, maybe a ghost. But 30 minutes later, halfway across town, a group of women went into a frenzy and butchered each other at a book club. There was one survivor but she wasn’t helpful. There was sulfur but she didn’t see any ‘smoke’. She just said that she’d gotten “so angry”. 

Dean had thought it would be another quick track-and-stab but he was sorely mistaken. The others had been demons working alone. They were getting snacks when they smelled the tell-tale rotten-egg stench of sulfur and a cashier jumped a guy who’d bumped into him. They’d stopped him thankfully but Dean thought he saw the woman from the book club leave. After checking the tapes, she had definitely been there. Sam hacked the cameras at the home depot and sure enough, she was there too. She’d walked past seconds before they snapped. Sam realized all of the incidents had taken place about a mile from one central location. The tracking had brought them to an abandoned warehouse. Sam said he got a ‘bad feeling’ about the whole thing when they’d spotted three demons standing guard at the entrance. Killing them was easy and Dean probably could have been quicker but he had a metric ton of pent up anger about Mary and Cas and demons were the perfect punching bag. 

Mary was as good as dead in Apocalypse world but Sam refused to believe that. Dean was glad he could still hope for something. His mind kept drifting back to Cas’s face. The surprised and glad sound of Sam saying his name just before; Dean was so happy to see him make it out... If Dean died during this, he would get hurled into the Empty, hopefully where Cas was. The brothers had walked in on a meeting of sorts. The woman was surrounded by at least 12 demons. She grinned, eyes flashing black. She wore a crown made of winding gold. It practically glowed against her dark hair.

“The Winchesters. It is a pleasure to finally meet you,” she said with an acidic smile. 

“Some random demon.” Dean snarked.

“I am Berith. And you should remember that. I’ll be the new ruler of Hell. Alastair had many good things to say about you, Dean.” 

“Berith?” Sam perked up. She snapped her head towards him. Dean naturally took a step towards him, positioning himself slightly in front of Sam. 

“So you’ve heard of me?”

“You tempt people to murder.” He continued.

“Well, have I lived up to my reputation?” For once, Dean couldn’t think of anything to say and Sam kept quiet. “Very well,” She turned to the horde and spoke in some guttural language. Sam took the opportunity to grab the demon blade and hurl it into Berith’s back. The demons charged and the battle was on.

Continued tomorrow. Please be nice, it’s my first fanfic, i’m sorry uwu

[comecesario]

Hey guys! School’s starting again, and I figured I’d make a masterpost of resources for studying and general school life. 

stationery:

I’m a huge fan of buying new stationery for the new school year – there’s something about opening a new set of pens and notebooks that just makes me feel ready to start the year! Here’s some of my favourite brands/shops:

Paperchase: I love Paperchase! Their folders and notebooks are so cute! I don’t use planners (I’m more fond of using my own bullet journal), but if you’re a fan of them they have gorgeous planners as well. You’ll find physical stores all over England (and other countries, I’m sure), but their online shop is also here.

WH. Smith’s: I’m pretty sure this is just an English shop (sorry!), but their pencil cases and folders were too cute for me not to mention them! They’ve also got gorgeous lunch boxes and water bottles for a really decent price.

 Tokyo Pen Shop: this shop is exclusively online (and you can find it here). They sell mostly Japanese stationery, and all their stuff is super cute!

Aliexpress: so this website doesn’t just sell stationery, but if you’re after extremely cheap stickers and washi tape, you couldn’t find a better place! Their stuff takes a while to arrive (and it’s best to read reviews before you buy anything!), but honestly I can’t fault it! I’ve loved everything I’ve bought from there, and it’s all been super cheap. 

Kikki.k: This is a Swedish stationery brand that I just find so charming! They’ve got a really clean, crisp aesthetic that I really appreciate, and their stuff is always so pretty. They’ve got stores all over, but you can also shop online here.

school bags:

I’m super picky with my backpacks – they’ve got to have a laptop sleeve, be big enough to hold my music scores, laptop, and everything else, and be nice to look at. I’ve looked at quite a few, but here are some of my favourite brands:

Herschel: their bags are definitely on the pricier side, ranging from £40-£80, but they’re worth every penny imo. They’re sturdy, with padding on the back and shoulder straps, they’re roomy, with a padded laptop sleeve, and they’re super well built, so they’ll last a while. They’re also cute, which doesn’t hurt. 

Kanken: these are around the same price as a Herschel, and in my opinion they’re just as good. I took mine with me when I went interrailing, and it held up! They’re not padded, so I’d keep that in mind if you’re planning on taking a laptop into school with you. They are, however, super colourful, and definitely very sturdy!

UGRACE backpack: this isn’t a brand so much as a specific backpack I found on Amazon, but I had to mention it because it has a portable charge built in! As someone who’s always forgetting her stuff, I know I’d love something like this! It’s also a little cheaper than the previous options. 

Himawari backpack: like the previous point, this backpack is a little cheaper, and a super cute alternative to the Kanken if you’re on a budget.

study spaces:

If you’re like me, you’re not a huge fan of studying at home. I love using libraries, museums and cafes to study in, ‘cause it gets me out of the house, and often makes me feel a little better if I’m in a bad mood. Here are some of my favourites (all London based, sorry!):

Maughan Library: I’m headed to King’s in September, so I doubt anyone’s surprised this is on my list! If you’re not a King’s student, you can apply for a visitor’s pass when you enter, which I’m pretty sure is free. This library is gorgeous, and a lovely place to do some research or write your essay. There’s free Wifi, and plug sockets as well.

The British Library: You need a membership to access this library, but it’s free, and you’ll then have access to a huge selection of books and texts. 

The V&A Art Library: Again, you’ll need a membership, but this one’s also free! As someone who adores the V&A, I feel a little biased putting this one here, but it really is one of the prettiest places to work I’ve ever seen! When you’re finished working, reward yourself with a trip through the museums, or a walk through South Kensington.

The Barbican Centre Library: For a music student, this one’s heaven! It’s got a huge CD collection that’s free to browse, and it’s also spacious and right in the centre of London. I can’t say the building’s the prettiest I’ve seen, but it gets the job done.

The BFI Reuben Library: For film and media students, this is the best place to work. You’ve got a huge collection of films and books free to browse, plus you can reward yourself with a film after you’ve finished studying! (under 25s get £3 tickets!)

Timberyard coffee house: This one’s close to Covent Garden, and serves pretty good coffee in a really cozy setting. 

Yumchaa: With big tables and a late closing time, this one’s probably best for revising with friends, or those late cramming sessions close to finals (don’t worry, we’ve all done it!). It’s pretty close to Tottenham Court Road, so you’ve got plenty of places to go to if you need some retail therapy after your study session!

The Espresso Bar in Paperchase: This one’s perfect if you run out of pens! Like Yumchaa, it’s got large tables, and it’s got huge windows with lots of light. 

Gail’s: This one’s a little pricier, but the atmosphere is so cozy and lovely that I can’t fault it whatsoever! The sofas are soft as anything, and the coffee really is great. 

Picturehouse central: This one requires a yearly £30 membership, but you get some serious perks (£3 off cinema tickets, free access to their reading room, 20% off food and drink, etc.). The room is cozy and warm, and of course it’s on top of a cinema, so you can reward yourself with a film after you’ve finished your essay!

study playlists: 

I can’t work without something playing! If it isn’t the music I’m currently trying to learn, it’s one of these playlists:

lofi study

vaporwave study club

ghibli study no.1

ghibli study no. 2

pop study

study lofi

lofi hip-hop beats

apps: 

I’m on my phone all the time. So I try and make at least a little of that time productive. Here’s what I use:

duolingo: I love this app. I’m currently learning Russian, French, German and Italian using it, and it’s super helpful! The app is easy to use, and free!

headspace: I feel like it’s no secret that I struggle with my mental health. One of the apps that has helped the most with this is headspace. It’s a mindfulness app that has anywhere from 3-60 minute guided meditations that you can follow along to. It’s also got sleepcasts, which are visualisation exercises for sleep, and plenty other wonderful things. I can’t recommend it enough, honestly. 

I would list more things, but this list is long enough already! I might make a part two if there’s anything I feel I missed, though. I hope you guys have a lovely school year! 

[brokehorrorfan]

Unboxing Creepy Crate - September 2019

Creepy Crate is a bi-monthly horror and true crime mystery box curated by The Lineup, a website dedicated to all things sinister. After unboxing the December 2018, February 2019, April 2019, and July 2019 installments, I was eager to open the latest package. I’ve detailed the creepy contents of the August/September 2019 box below.

As a great admirer of puns, of course I appreciate the lunch bag with "I'm here for the cold case" emblazoned on it. As an added bonus, the creepy message ought to ensure that your co-workers will keep their hands off your food in the break room.

Hex Hollow: Witchcraft and Murder in Pennsylvania is a 2015 documentary investigating the 1928 murder of a Pennsylvania farmer and the witchcraft allegations that followed. Directed by Shane Free, the 73-minute DVD is a good watch for true crime and horror fans alike.

Aptly timed with the release of IT: Chapter Two, show Pennywise that you're part of the Losers' Club with this enamel pin. It features Bill's beloved bike, Silver, along with the year 1958, which cements it as a direct reference to Stephen King's novel, as opposed to the film adaptation.

H.R. Giger's Alien design remains one of the most impressive and iconic monsters in horror history. Celebrate Alien's 40th anniversary by dangling a Xenomorph from your keys. The metal keychain depicts the creature in a pose reminiscent of the Alien 3 poster.

It's always good to have a bottle opener handy, and it's even better if it's a creepy one. The skull’s sinister grin will match the look on your face when you crack open your next beverage.

This phone wallet is as useful as it is cool. The Pale Man from Pan's Labyrinth will protect your cash and credit cards in the RFID-blocking wallet, which can attach to the back of a phone for safe keeping.

I was already impressed with every item in the box, but Imaginary Friend cements this as my favorite Creepy Crate to date. Releasing on October 1 via Grand Central Publishing, the rare Advance Reading Copy gives readers an early look at the sophomore novel by Stephen Chbosky.

I'm about halfway through the 720-page book, and I'm completely engrossed. It features the fleshed-out youth characters you'd expect from the author of The Perks of Being a Wallflower in a sprawling tale of fantastical horror reminiscent of the works of Stephen King.

Subscribe to Creepy Crate for $39.99 every two months. Enter the discount code BROKE5 at checkout to save $5 off your first box!

[silent-writer83]

Let’s Do It Baby, I Know The Law

”Summary: Successful in saving Iris, there are some unforeseen costs. So, with little time left, you decide to live it up consequences be damned. When Savitar comes for you, you’ve got a few choice words in mind for him.

A/N: Tbh I just wanted to write the reader drunkenly mouthing off to Savitar. If you know what this quote is from, ily.

Changing the timeline always came at a cost, you all knew that. Hell, if you didn’t by now then you were just being purposefully ignorant. What no one expected, no matter how many times they toyed with it, was the cost they would be paying. Saving Iris was the goal, its what everyone focused so heavily on that they didn’t think twice about rearranging events. They didn’t think about the little things they were tweaking and the effect that it would have on another’s life. They didn’t think because they didn’t care.

In the end you were successful, waiting with bated breath as Cisco vibed Barry to the future yet again to see if their efforts were worth it. Of course the latino was giving a play by play, each person in the cortex hanging on his every word. You sat, hands in your lap, practically vibrating on the edge of your seat as they named the differences. “Savitar just arrived,” Cisco breathed and you could have sworn your heart stopped.

“Okay? And!” You urged, scooting to the edge as your eyes trained on your two friends. “Did it work?! Did we save Iris?” you asked the question on everyone’s mind, only, an answer didn’t come. Confused, and assuming that your plans were thwarted yet again, you slumped in your seat with a sigh.

Caitlin bit her lip to hide her disappointment as she looked over meaningless papers on her clipboard to look busy. H.R’s shoulders slumped as he gripped his drumsticks tightly. Wally did his best not to react, averting his gaze as he quelled his frustration and Joe hugged Iris to his chest. The defeat in the room was palpable as you turned back to your desk with a heavy sigh, the glance Cisco shared with Barry going unseen.

Cisco didn’t know what to say, hoping that Barry would, but when their eyes met he knew the hero was at just as much of a loss as he was. Swallowing the nerves in his belly, Cisco folded his goggles as he turned to his friends in the room. How was he supposed to say this? How could they be happy about this? Why couldn’t they just have one clean win?

“Um,” his voice cracked as he broke the silence, everyone’s head snapping in his direction. Being under direct scrutiny just made him want to shrivel up, avoiding their expectant, anxious gazes.

“We saved Iris,” Barry spoke up, forcing the cheer in his voice. The sigh of relief that filled the room only broke his heart as Cisco watched Iris rush to her fiance.

Perking up at your desk, a smile was already dancing on your features. “Yes!” you cheered, joy filling the room as everyone felt the weight of the world lift off their shoulders. Of course, nothing good could last around here, Iris being the first to pick up on Barry’s stiffness. She always could read him like a book.

“What’s wrong Bar?” She asked, pulling back just enough to look at him. Barry chewed his lip as he looked to Cisco for guidance. By now everyone was inching closer, confused as to why Barry wasn’t more excited. His wife-to-be was going to live so what’s the deal?

“We saved you but...” he faltered, stepping back as he turned to look at you. Lips parted to speak but he found the words caught in his throat. How could he say this to you, after everything you’ve done, after everything you’ve given them - him - as a friend.

“Alright dude, quit lookin’ at me like that. It’s freakin’ me out,” you laughed away your discomfort as all eyes turned to you. You didn’t like the pity in Barry’s gaze, the pain as he tried to say words that wouldn’t come. “We saved Iris what’s the big de-”

“You die!” Cisco blurted out, tense as he quickly clapped a hand over his mouth and turned his back.

The shock was clear as day on your face as you stood dumbfounded. You hadn’t thought of the consequences of rearranging the timeline but shit, you weren’t expecting this! Blinking, you took a breath, opening your mouth to speak but, like Barry, you were at a loss for words. Your mind couldn’t comprehend what was going on, couldn’t wrap around the idea that, just moments ago you were meant to live a semi-normal, happy life and now....now you only had a few days left.

Abruptly you turned, heels clicking on their way out of the cortex. You were on autopilot, mind blank and yet buzzing all at the same time. You could hear their voices calling after you, not wanting you to leave. How could they protect you if you weren’t there?! So you paused at the entry way, the calmness with which you turned setting them all on edge.

“I’m....gonna get really drunk,” you stated, moving as if to add to that before shaking your head and leaving. Yeah, you definitely needed a drink.....a stiff one.

“LET’S GET FUCKED UP!” Your voice drowned in the bass of the music, bodies writhing and jumping to the sound around you. The small glass cup in your hand was pressed to your lips, head tilting back as the cool liquid slipped down your throat. The burn had long since faded as your senses skewed from too much alcohol. What did you care anyways? Your days were limited, or was it hours now? WHO CARED YOU WERE DRUNK BITCH!

Laughter fell from your lips as you stumbled out onto the dance floor, plucking a drink from a tray as you passed. Whatever you grabbed was sweet, washing down your throat as you shimmied into the ground. Your phone buzzed in your back pocket for, you didn’t even know how many times. Like all the others it went completely ignored. You were drunk but happy, not a care in the world, and that’s how you wanted it to stay.

“Cisco, did she answer?” Barry’s voice spoke through the coms. He was zipping through Central City looking for you. How one person seemed to disappear so fast was unsettling. It was nearly two in the morning and Barry was starting to fear the worst.

“No,” Cisco sighed, the defeat was in his voice as he fiddled with his screens.

“Can’t you like...triangulate or something?!” Barry huffed, getting frustrated at his inability to find you.

“Oh yeah, because I haven’t tried that before,” Cisco shot back with a huff of his own.

Caitlin stepped up, offering a reassuring (though tense) smile to Cisco. Hands on the top of the desk, she leaned over so she could talk into the com. “Y/N would always go to Club Lavo,” She suggested with a hopeful tone.

Without a second thought Barry was rushing off, zipping through the streets of Central City. 

Barry’s eyes darted around the dark club, squinting against the flashing lights. He was looking for your familiar mop of hair, groaning when he couldn’t make out much. Thank god he had his powers. Darting through the crowd, it only took a few moments to find you. Arms wrapped around your center, not thinking twice before rushing back to the Cortex.

The world rushed around you in too fast movements, halting all at once leaving you dizzy and stumbling. Legs wobbled as you attempted to step, stomach lurching as you doubled over. Barry had a can in front of you just in time for you to spill out stomach acid and what remained of a cocktail, grimacing at the sounds of your gagging.

The tell tale crackling of lighting had heads snapping to the doorway, hearts lurching as that eerie doppleganger made himself known. The smirk on his mangled face was cocky as he sauntered in, eyeing each and every horrified face. Savitar took pride in the way they tensed, the way they all seemed to skirt around you as if that would make a difference. Oh how feeble they all were. “Hand her over and I’ll let you all live,” He mused, reveling in the games he played with them.

“Like hell that’s gonna happen,” Barry quipped, refusing to let his future self have it easy.

“We can do it the hard way Barry. I’m faster than you, stronger. I am a GO-”

“Oh shut UP!” You whined, pushing past the Scarlet Speedster as you stumbled out from the protective little bubble your friends made. “You, sir,” you slurred as you waved a finger in Savitar’s face. “May fuggoff!” Stumbling back, a hand pressed to your lips as you felt your stomach gurgle. You weren’t about to let that stop your tirade though. “You think you kin juss waltz in here like you own the place? Newsflash, bro, you don’t. Dis my house,” you quipped, clapping to make your point. “In here, talm bout ‘I’m a God. Grrrr bow down to me,’“ you mocked the man you had all come to fear. “Like, who even are you?”

Savitar’s jaw clenched as he glared at you, hands fisting at his sides. Embarrassment began to crawl along his neck, staining his cheeks a soft red as you taunted him. How dare you?! You were meant to fear him!

“And another thing!” You started, turning back to him as you stumbled your way over. “You’re a digghead!” you fumbled the words as syllables began to slide together, finger jabbing the self-proclaimed God of Speed in the chest. “Oh wahhh, I didn’t like myself so I’m gonna go kill his wife. Like, talk bout small dick energy amirite?” you snorted, turning to your friends as you doubled over in laughter.

They all stared at you, wide eyed and slack jawed, unable to figure out just how they felt. On one hand it was hilarious, watching you verbally berate this so called God of Speed, on the other hand it was terrifying because they knew how ruthless the future Barry Allen could be.

“Should....I be offended by that?” Barry whispered softly to Cisco who merely shook his head with a small shrug. To be honest, he wasn’t sure what to make of all of this.

Glaring down at you, Savitar felt his heart fumble in his chest. He didn’t like the way you talked to carelessly to him, the way there was no fear in your eyes. Surely you knew he was the one to end your life. Why weren’t you acting like it! “I’ll slaughter your entire family if you’re no careful,” he ground out, hoping that, at the very least, would put you in your place.

Whirling around you stood straight, arms out beckoning him to prove it. “Let’s do it baby, I know the law!”

[rustic-space-fiddle]

In Which the Newsboys Narrowly Escape the Clutches of Death

Ships: nun

Starring: Davey, Les, Elmer, Racetrack Higgins, Spot Conlon

Warnings: uh idk yet? There’s gonna be some violence? A little gore because violence usually leads to that?? Kinda dark themes??? Death???? Wow it sounds so much worse when I say it like this okay imma stop

Note: I am so sorry for Race’s accent. I’m trying a new way of writing it. It looks atrocious but it’s kinda fun to read lol GOD LUCK BOYS

——————————

You know those days where they start out slowly, just running through the routine, and your only plans are to work and sleep? Those sleepy weekends where you’ve been given the morning shift but when it’s over, you’re going to go home and crash on the couch with a good book and not move for at least the next eight hours?

Well, that’s how Davey, Les, and Elmer thought this day was going to be. Saturday, the Sabbath, the Day of Rest. Times were rough, and the rocky financial situation of the Jacobs family meant that Davey and Les had been granted the privilege to work till noon on the Sabbath. Generally they weren’t supposed to work at all, but a boy’s gotta do what a boy’s gotta do.

The clock struck noon, with the sun looking straight down over the trio in Central Park. Elmer had tagged along, enjoying their company and liking the idea of only working till noon. He was sprawled out in the grass, with Davey and Les perched on a bench and a tree branch, respectively.

“Les, get outta that tree,” Davey ordered absently.

“Why?” Les frowned down at him.

“It’s Saturday. No working.”

“We just spent all mornin’ selling papes,” Les countered. “And I’m not workin’, I’m playin’.”

“Sure.”

Les scoffed softly, and stayed put. Davey didn’t bother arguing.

Elmer rolled over onto his stomach. “Why don’ you guys work Satadays?”

“Long story,” Davey sighed. “Simply put, the Jews were enslaved a long time ago, so now we take a day off to remember that. It’s called the Sabbath. But as we’re a sort of enslaved right now, we kinda… bent the rules a bit.”

Elmer pondered this. “So, does God like, get mad if you woyk on Saturday?”

“Uh,” Davey furrowed his brow. “I mean, I don’t think so. I think he gets it.”

“Not according to Aunt Becky,” Les piped up. “She used to tell us that we were goin’ to Hell if she caught us doing anything that wasn’t sittin’.”

Elmer’s eyes widened. “Good gravy.”

“Aunt Becky doesn’t count, Les,” Davey said. “She’s almost a hundred years old and kinda losing it. Besides, she can afford to sit around all day. She’s probably just jealous.”

Elmer and Les both stifled snorts of laughter.

Down the street, a police cab rounded the corner. Elmer perked up, suddenly not as relaxed as he had been. Davey glanced over his shoulder but thought nothing of it.

“What if that cop was here to arrest us for some wild crime and it turned out we’d been framed, and we had to go on the run for like, ten years?” Les ventured imaginatively. “Wouldn’t that be somethin’?”

Davey gave him a strange look.

“He’s prob’ly here to arrest you for climbin’ trees on da Sabbath,” Elmer joked. Les laughed and chucked an acorn at him.

The cab came to stop at the edge of the grass, and the officer exited, carrying his billy club. Elmer tried not to stare at him as the officer walked toward them. Les crouched in the tree, silent.

The officer approached them calmly, looking bored but friendly, and maybe a little confused.

“Afternoon, boys,” he greeted them.

“Afternoon, Officer,” they replied.

“How’s your day been so far?” the officer asked.

The boys glanced at each other. “Good, sir,” Davey answered for them. “Made a little change, thanks for asking. You?”

The officer sighed. “Oh, well, it’s been alright.” He seemed to be trying very hard to get to the point, but didn’t know quite what the point was. “You boys gotta- you boys gotta come with me.”

A short beat.

“What for?” Davey asked, trying very hard not to sound suspicious.

“A call come down to the station that said three boys were seen robbin’ a store a little ways away a little while ago. They sorta described ‘em as bein’ short, curly, and tall. And that sorta seems to fit you boys so…”

“Hey now, we ain’t robbed nobody!” Elmer protested.

“I didn’t say you did,” the officer assured them. “I just said I gotta take you down to the station and talk to ya a little bit.”

“You mean like interrogation?” Les called down from his tree.

The officer looked up at him, shaking his head. “No, no, no. Nothin’ like that.”

Les muttered dubiously.

“Look, I got a job to do. Just come with me,” the officer repeated; he seemed rather uncomfortable. The two younger newsies looked at Davey to make the final call.

Davey bit his lip: go nicely and just let this officer do whatever he needed to do, or go loudly and get whacked around. On the Sabbath? Not bloody likely—Mrs. Jacobs would kill them.

“Alright,” Davey agreed.

“Huh?” Elmer whispered loudly.

“Let’s clear our names, okay? They’ll catch the real crooks faster this way. “ He knew they hadn’t done anything, and understood the officer’s plight. There was no reason to be anything but confident and cooperative. “Les, come down.”

Les wasn’t as trusting. “You sure about this?”

“Just get down here,” Davey insisted. “Let’s not make this any more difficult than it’s gotta be.”

The officer seemed to breathe a sigh of relief. “Thanks. This’ll only take an hour or so.”

“Sure thing, Officer…?”

“Just call me Billy. Everyone does.”

“Sure thing, Officer Billy, sir.”

The three boys followed Billy to the cab, who opened up the back. “You gotta ride back here, sorry. There’s a fella in there right now, but he seems alright. I got him cuffed.”

Les and Elmer gave each other didn’t-we-say-it looks. Davey hesitated. How alright could a guy who needed cuffs be? “Uh, are you sure about that?”

“Oi, Dave!” a voice called from the cab.

That voice was really flippin’ familiar.

Davey frowned. “What the—“ He hurried to the cab doors as Billy moved aside. His jaw dropped a little. ”Racetrack?”

Inside the cab, Race waved at him with his cuffed hands, grinning lopsidedly. “Hiya!”

“Racetrack?” Les and Elmer echoed.

Am I really that surprised? Davey thought sarcastically.

“What’s he doing in handcuffs?” Les demanded Billy.

Billy raised his hands in self defense. “I pulled him out of a big fight down on 54th Street.”

Racetrack sat in the corner of the cab, hands cuffed in front him, sporting a split lip and a bloody nose, along with an colorful assortment of scratches and faint bruises. Aside from those very obvious injuries, he seemed just as stupidly chipper as always.

“What’re you doin’ ‘ere?” he asked them cheerily.

Davey spluttered. “Me? Us!? What the heck are you doing here?”

“Oh d’at’s a long story.”

Billy cleared his throat. “Erm, could you maybe tell ‘em on the way there? I’ve got… you know… work.”

“Uh, yeah, yeah.” Davey gestured at the other two to climb in, and they did, reluctantly.

“Good idea, big brother,” Les hissed as he climbed past. Davey smacked him and crawled in after him. Billy shut the door and a few seconds later the cab jolted forward on its way.

Davey whirled on Racetrack. “Alright, smart boy: explain.”

“Yeah, idiot,” Elmer said. “Who you fightin’?”

“Well!” Race settled down to tell what was undoubtedly a dramatic tale of daring and stupidity. “I was jus’ mindin’ my own business, as I always do, when suddenly—“

“Oh please,” Davey interrupted. “You’re never just ‘minding your own business’. Start over.”

Race sneered. “You t’ink you’re so smart, Dave. But I digress.” He continued. “I was walkin’ past a grocer and I saw da nicest lookin’ apple Mankind was eva blessed wit’. I was thinkin’ about swipin’ it but before I could, some udda guy did, pushed pas’ me, and ran off. Of course, wit’ my luck, d’at’s just when da grocer looked up, and of course he sees me, standin’ d’ere with my bag and lookin’ spooked, and of course he assumes I done somethin’. He yells at me—“ (and here Race imitated the disgruntled voice of the grocer) “—‘You boy!’ and I said, ‘Yeah, sir’, and he yells at me again, ‘You be takin’ things boy?’ And I says- I says to him, ‘No sir, but I seen some other fella did.” But I guess he didn’ hear me or somethin’ ‘cause a couple seconds later he was screamin’ his fool head off and comin’ at me wit’ a whole fish.

“A whole fish?” Les exclaimed.

“A whole fish. And d’en I ran b’cause, buddy, I ain’t stupid, and as I’m bookin’ it d’is fella flyin’ tackles me into some udda store’s display. So next t’ing I know, a grocer and a butcher are both trying to club me to death wit’ a whole fish and big ol’ pork roast.”

Les and Elmer were enthralled, gazing at Race with shining eyes. Davey looked unamused.

Race went on. “So d’ere I am, hollerin’ like a pigeon in a rat trap and scratchin’ and punchin’ and kickin’, and I’m gettin’ my butt handed t’me, when suddenly da butcher is fightin’ da grocer and beatin’ him wit’ da pork. People are yellin’ for da cops and tryin’ to pull d’ose two bozos off each udda, when da butcher pulls out a knife—“ (Les and Elmer gasped here; Davey’s eyebrows twitched) “—and slashes da other guy. Everybody went afta him d’en, tellin’ him t’calm down and for da love of God, put d’at bleedin’ knife down! Da cops finally showed up, two of ‘em, and d’ey broke up da fight. D’ey couldn’t get a straight story outta all t’ree of us, so d’ey decided to book us all for disturbing da peace and fightin’.”

“Wow!” Les breathed. “That’s awesome!”

“Pullin’ a knife on ya?” Elmer whooped. “Golly!”

“Amazing.” Davey said simply, arms crossed and altogether rather annoyed with Racetrack. “A wonderous tale.”

Race pretended not to notice this. “Da one cop took da butcher and da grocer t’da locker for a day or two, and ol’ Bobby here is takin’ me to juvie.” He prodded the wall with his elbow. “Ain’t d’at right, Bobby?”

“It’s Billy. Bobby’s my brother,” Billy reminded him sullenly.

“Oh, yeah.” Race grimaced, and shuddered. “I rememba Bobby, now.”

Davey glanced from Race to Billy through the small barred window. “Wait, what do you mean?”

“Bobby is Billy’s twin brotha,” Race explained. “He’s just da opposite d’ough. He ain’t nice at all. In fact, he’s downright creepy. Stay away from Bobby.”

“What, does he kill people?” Elmer asked bluntly.

“Worse,” Billy answered before Race could respond, and said nothing more.

The four boys all looked at each other.

“Told ya,” Race whispered.

“Gee,” Les said, shooketh to the core. He thought for a moment. “But… if they’re twins, how will we tell ‘em apart?”

Race gestured to his chest with a constrained thumb. “Name tags, but d’ose only woyk wit’in spittin’ distance. It’s best you jus’ avoid both of ‘em.”

Up front, Billy looked miserable.

....

To be continued...

——————

Farewell notes: Yeet I hope you had fun reading Racetrack’s ungodly dialogue. Feedback is greatly appreciated. In fact, every time I get a tag or something I do a dance in my brain. Btw this story is gonna get shuckin wiLD so get ready boys

[mediajist]

Comedy in the Coffee Shop

Comedy and coffee often tend to go hand in hand. In fact we could even ask who could ever be funny - or even functional - without a good cup of coffee? And many of us love nothing more than to head over to the coffee shop for the perfect cup, often with some comedy on the side. Here are three examples of the inextricable link between comedy and the coffee shop.

Coffee shops are often training grounds for local talent. That’s right, the comedy club isn’t the only place in town to hear some hilarious comedies. Many coffee shops in many different cities have small stages set up devoted to local performers, and while music and poetry can often be found on the bill there’s no shortage of local comedians dishing out the laughs on the daily.

Coffee shops often serve as settings for some of the funniest moments in movies and tv. Central Perk, anyone? Coffee shops often serve as the backdrop in countless movies and shows, and a particularly famous example can be found in Friends, one of the best loved sitcoms of all time.

Coffee shops are the perfect spot for that hilarious read. Finally, rather than provide the laughs themselves either with standup or in shows, coffee shops contribute to comedy by providing the perfect space to brush up on your favorite funny reads. We could all use more time to unwind and relax with a funny book, but chores and the tv can distract at home, and reading during a commute can often prove complicated. Coffee shops are the perfect spot to unwind with a great comedy book and a steaming cup of joe.

Looking for some hilarious reads? Visit www.mediajist.com for a wide variety of comedy books and more.