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smellsfaintlyofvanilla · 4 years ago

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Hi, I have this super specific idea so feel free to ignore this one lol. So basically, Annie and the reader have been dating for a while, like at least a year. And the reader is in the survey corps right, so during one of the missions she ends up getting injured in an explosion and she's like all burned up and covered in injury's that'll scar really bad. And so the reader gets taken to a hospital or med bay or whatever, and she's been out for days, and like Reiner, Eren, Mikasa, etc. are all there, ya know her little gaggle of friends. And like she's been unconscious for days but sometimes she'll wake up for a few minutes and pass out again. So when Annie gets the news and comes to see her she like starts to wake up, and when she's coherent Annie is holding her hand and says "I'm glad you're alive" or something, then the reader just kinda stares at her for a minute and says "are you one of my friends from the cadet corps" and everyone's shocked and Annie kinda runs off. And ass the reader gets better she's allowed to walk around town and shit as long as someone's with her because she he's trouble walking, and she like can't hold things in one of her hands without shaking like she's about to fall apart. She basically hos no memories of absolutely anything so if someone says that their friends she just believes them and wants to be with them, which is a contrast to how she was in the cadets because she was always super short tempered and would pick fights with everyone, but she always had a soft spot for Annie and would follow her around and shit while being an ass to everyone else. So now she has no memories, blind as shit, can barely walk, and is super kind and polite to just about everyone. And like she insists on Annie seeing her and wants to go with her wherever she goes and is all smiles and happiness while Annie is kinda having a crisis. Because they were both very closed off people and they opened up to each other and built unwavering trust and loyalty but now one of them doesn't remember, Annie wants to help her but at the same time she feels that it's for the best if they stay apart, uh spoiler they don't stay apart it's just gonna take time. I'm really sorry this was so long dude. Also please tell me this made sense I haven't stopped think about this for days

I- It’s a little confusing but I think I get it.

Let me know if I get anything wrong!

I also included a lot of platonic AruAni because it’s cute.

Unbearable

(Annie Leonhart x Reader)

AU: Canon

Warnings: Implied season 3 spoilers

Category: Both angst and fluff (somehow)

Summary: After getting seriously injured in a mission, Annie’s s/o doesn’t recognize anyone, and is left very weak. Still, Annie and her S/O stick together through the recovery.

Words: 5.5K

It’d gone wrong. It’d all gone horribly wrong.

A freak accident—only preventable by, perhaps, closer gear inspection, but it was far too late for that. The damage had been done.

The most recent Survey Corps mission was just concluding, and you managed to call yourself one of the lucky ones who survived this far. Erwin led the charge back to the walls at full speed, having completed the objective by the skin of his teeth, but an abnormal titan was tagging dangerously close behind.

The towering beast approached closer and closer, until it kicked the horse you were on, sending you and it abruptly flying through the air and away from the Scouts.

It took you a minute to regain your senses and realize the gravity of your situation. Your horse lay dying 40 feet away from you. Clearly, it would be of no help. The abnormal lurched towards you unnaturally, and your eyes widened in fear.

A quick movement of your upper body caused a jolt of pain to shoot up your chest, and you were positive you must’ve broke a few ribs when you collided with the dirt.

Still, you had limited time before the monster reached you, and you weren’t about to die that easily. You bore the pain in your chest as you stood up straight, beads of cold sweat rolling down your face as you surveyed your situation to find the easiest way out.

You were too far from your horse, and the rest of the Scout formation, and you were in no shape to run. Your head turned towards the walls, and an idea popped into your mind—you were going to scale the wall.

You broke into a quick sprint before you shot your ODM gear into the wall, flying towards it at lightning speed. Your back took the brunt of the impact, and you groaned in pain.

Still, it seems as if the abnormal wasn’t going to let you get a moment’s rest, as it caught up to you and tried to jump and grab you, but narrowly missed your boot. The rush of adrenaline kicked your body into gear as you shot the grapple of your ODM gear onto the ledge of the wall and hauled yourself up, a garrison soldier helping you before turning to man one of the cannons.

You stood up triumphantly on the wall, the titan below you still trying in vain to reach you. You could hear the distant shouting of a commander—and what you could out assume was the foreboding shout, “FIRE!!!”

And that’s where everything went wrong.

The cannon, no more than three feet to your right, exploded into a supernova of sparks and flames, and the last thing you saw was fire as blinding pain shot through your body.

And then it all went black.

---

“Ma’am, I’m sorry, but only family members are allowed to see her at the moment, you’re going to have to wait until she’s discharged.” The poor receptionist sighed, staring up at the distressed woman in front of her.

“I don’t care if ‘only family is allowed’! I’m her girlfriend, I should be allowed to see her!” Annie shouted, dressed in a simple white hoodie and grey pants. An outfit too casual for her to wear outside in most occasions, but when she heard the news of your admission to the hospital, she didn’t care to change.

“I’m sorry, there’s really nothing I can do-”

Annie leaned in closer, grabbing the receptionist by the collar of her shirt and pulling her in, a dangerous look gracing her face. Her voice came out in a threatening growl.

“Look, I’m a part of the military police, so if anyone asks, I’m just her older sister,” She glared daggers the woman, who shook like a leaf at the intimidation, “Got it?”

The woman nodded urgently, sweating bullets at this point, and Annie was thankful the intimidation had worked. “R-Room 302...”

She didn’t bother letting out a response as she ran to the wing of the hospital you were in. She didn’t know quite where the room was, but she would find out soon enough.

After a painful few minutes of searching, her eyes found the plate outside of a closed wooden door, the number reading “302″.

She walked up to it, and took a deep breath in before twisting the doorknob and pushing her way into the room, but her eyes widened in surprise and she gasped at the sight.

She knew it was bad—after all, nothing good ever came out of being so close to an explosion like that—but she couldn’t have been prepared for what she saw.

You were laid down on the bed, clearly unconscious, and sweltering burns covered at least 60% of your body, especially your right side. Many limbs were elevated and covered in taunting white casting, and you let out shallowed, labored breaths.

She mentally cursed the primitive healthcare the Eldians seemed to have, and the lack of a doctor in the room. She was no professional, but you definitely didn’t look to be in a state to be alone.

She though you were alone, that is, until her rationality returned to her and she noticed many figures in the room, though none bore the staff uniform.

They seemed to notice her before long, and a few stared at her quietly with pity in their eyes. She scanned the faces that surrounded her; Eren, Mikasa, Armin, Sasha, Connie, and Reiner were all present in the room.

“What in...” Her voice came out short in her throat; the words were just as powerless as she was, “What in God’s name happened to her...” It was hushed, almost husky, and it sounded like she was about to cry. Maybe she was, but she didn’t notice.

Mikasa seemed to be the first one to speak up through the heavy silence, stepping forward to grab Annie’s attention.

“It was on the recent scouting mission yesterday. She narrowly escape a titan by climbing over the wall, but one of the Garrison’s cannons blew up.” Mikasa looked to the side, clearly troubled by the situation as well. “Of the four people caught up in the explosion, she’s the only one still alive.”

Annie didn’t process quite what Mikasa had said at first, her mind was more focused on a pressing question that suddenly arose in her mind.

“The only one still alive?” She echoed. “Why did you phrase it like that?”

Mikasa sighed, covering her mouth with her scarf—something she often did when she was troubled. “Well, the doctor is doing all he can at the moment, but she’s been drifting in and out of consciousness nonstop for the past hour. Even when she is awake, we can’t seem to get a coherent response out of her.”

She froze.

Her eyes moved back to your battered form. She hadn’t taken in exactly how bad it was until now. Shattered bones, burnt skin, compromised organs—you were nearly unrecognizable. Not in the way that you were scarred beyond recognition, but in the way that she never imagined to see you in such a state. You looked like you had, quite literally, went through hell and back.

She let out a pained sigh, slinking down in a chair next to the bed and staring at the floor in defeat. She reached out and grabbed your limp hand at your side, running her thumb delicately over your burnt hand, as if the slightest mistouch would cause you to shatter like delicate porcelain.

“Please...” She knew you couldn’t hear her, but she didn’t care. She just wanted to pretend, for a brief moment, that you could, and that you’d bounce right back up. But, you stayed limp on the bed, unmoving. “Please wake up...”

The others were able to read the room and came to a silent consensus, filing out of the room wordlessly.

She continued to hold your hand, sitting silently on your bedside for hours.

You never regained consciousness once.

---

Dreams flashed through her mind, the inner turmoil she faced was too fierce to not have such vibrant, nonsensical dreams. Dreams of you, spending late nights with her, or eating with her in silence. Dreams of your broken and bloodied body being sent flying from a hellish firework of flames. Dreams of visiting a newly dug grave. Dreams of—

A loud banging startled her out of her sleep, and she opened her eyes with a start, the dreams stopping abruptly as her brain pieced together the fragments of reality. Right, they were just dreams.

The banging—what was it? She looked around for a source. Nothing had fallen, nothing had moved, the room was still.

*BANG BANG BANG*

She jumped at the loud so, before facepalming internally. Of course someone was knocking on the door, what was she thinking?

A quick glance at the clock showed the time; 3AM. What is going on?

She rubbed the sleep from her eyes as she threw on some sweatpants, just presentable enough to answer the door.

She twisted the knob open and was greeted by...

“Armin?” She slurred, confusion and tiredness laced her voice.

“Annie...!” He had a strange look on his face, like he was in a hurry. Yet, it didn’t look like desperation, nor was it excitement. “Y/n woke up!”

---

She had never run faster. She didn’t care about leaving Armin in the dust at her front doorstep—hell, it didn’t even process until minutes later that she didn’t even close the front door. She just ran, ran, ran all the way to the hospital.

She made it to your room again, panting and desperate to see you again.

She went inside, and an immense wave of relief and joy washed over her face. It was true, you were conscious. Sitting up in the bed, talking to someone at your bedside, likely a nurse or a doctor.

Her loud footsteps and heavy breathing brought the attention of both you and the staff member to her, and you locked eyes with her.

She froze. There they were. The beautiful E/C eyes she had fallen in love with, and the same ones that filled her vision when she first awoke next to you in the morning. Except, something was off. She couldn’t quite place it, but there was disarray in your eyes. A storm.

She paid no mind to the rotten gut feeling, though, and rushed by your side to grip your hand tightly. A spark of sympathy arose in her chest when you whimpered in pain at the motion, but that was the last thing on her mind. Tears of happiness sparked in her eyes and threatened to roll down her cheeks.

She bowed her head—a sign of vulnerability that only you were ever able to see.

“Y/n, I...!” She choked out through the tears in her eyes, the back of her throat tightening with emotion, “I’m so glad you’re okay...”

You didn’t embrace her, you didn’t squeeze her hand back. No, you were still. Still as you were when your battered body was first admitted to the hospital. She looked up at you, and the same misguided look was in your eyes.

“Sorry... do I know you?”

---

She slammed the door behind her, locking it as she slid down the wall of her house, sobs wracking her body.

Her mind had neglected to process it until just now, but the truth was inescapable; you didn’t know who she was anymore. You didn’t know anyone or anything anymore.

Amnesia.

She couldn’t bear to see you like that. Seeing you so physically broken was bad enough, but seeing you confused and lost, years of memories and connections and friends just out the window? If there was a god, he sure as hell must’ve hated you.

She had no idea what to do. You weren’t going to just magically remember her. No, the Y/N she knew and loved all those years was gone. You were just a blank slate. She no longer meant anything to you, she was a stranger in your eyes.

She laid down to go to sleep, but she couldn’t even bring herself to close her eyes. She didn’t sleep that night.

---

She chose not to get up the next morning. She stayed in bed, staring at the empty space next to her where you usually slept. She wanted you to be right there next to her. God, she wanted you back.

She would’ve stayed in her depressed, hibernated state for hours, or even days, had someone not stopped by to check on her.

She figured it would be Armin. The sympathetic blonde man would always stop by to check on her. Not just now, but throughout their days as cadets. He was always the second person—after you, of course—to check up on her and ask how she was doing.

But when she opened the door and saw Mikasa, she was a little confused.

“Mikasa, what are y-”

“Y/n wants to speak with you.” She stated flatly, and Annie physically recoiled at the mention of your name.

“She... what?” Annie muttered, confusion enveloping her tone.

She understood the statement, on a surface level at least. But she didn’t understand why. Why did you want to talk to her? She meant nothing to you. What was there to talk about anymore? You probably didn’t even know her name.

She complied silently, though, and before long, she had trudged herself all the way to the hospital.

302. Such a depressing number to her now. But it was unavoidable. You were on the other side of the door, awaiting her for some odd reason.

She pushed the door open, and her eyes met yours silently. You were sitting up with your hands folded neatly in your lap. Your eyes followed Annie as she wordlessly shut the door and took a seat next at your bedside.

“Annie.” The blonde women flinched at the sound of her name, eyes staying fixated on anything but your face. “Annie.”

She finally shifted her head, meeting your gaze. There was a pitiful look tracing her features. It would look like indifference at first glance, but being so close to her allowed you to notice small features on her face, like her sunken in eyes, and her lips, tucked into a frown slightly tighter than normal.

She looked like she was about to cry.

You moved your arm slowly, wincing internally as your wounds burned and ached, and took her hand in your own, rubbing your thumb over the back of her hand in a soothing manner. Annie didn’t want to enjoy it—she knew this wasn’t the you she had fallen in love with—but she couldn’t stop herself from remembering the simpler times, where small affectionate gestures like this were normal to her.

“Mikasa told me just about everything I’ve forgotten.” You finally spoke up. “About the Scouts, about the accident, about us.” A painful silence filled the room for a moment following the word ‘us’. Surely, it meant more to her than it did to you.

“Annie.” You squeezed her hand despite the pain shooting up your arm, and your hand trembled involuntarily. “I know I don’t really know you,” You chuckled lightly, “or anyone for that matter, but I want to spend more time with you. We can just restart, fall in love all over a-”

“No!” She snapped, the sudden outburst causing you to jump. Her distressed eyes softened when she saw you, almost as if she thought you were made of glass, and that you would break at any moment. “No... please...”

She stood up abruptly, dropping your hand to lay dormant by the side of the hospital bed. “You don’t even know me! What’s the point?!”

Despite her angry appearance, her bottom lip trembled, and her voice shook as she spoke. Pricks of tears appeared at the corner of her eyes, but she wiped them away desperately.

“You forgot me, so I’ll forget you in return.” She turned towards the door, grabbing the knob firmly. Despite her desperate need to get out of the room, her hand trembled and shook, refusing to turn the knob.

“I’ll...” A small sob wracked her body. “Find someone else...”

---

Contrary to what her heart truly desired, she refused to see you. She forced herself to cut off all emotional ties to you—after all, you didn’t even know her. It was painful to even speak to you. Somehow, the loss had felt like you truly had died in the explosion. Sure, you were physically here, but all that was you was gone.

It was Armin who finally brought her out of her depressed slump. He saw the state of her after weeks of staying huddled up in her room. It was so unlike Annie. Her room was a mess, and so was she. Her hair was unkempt and unbrushed, and she hadn’t even showered at all. Clothes lay scattered across the room, and the trash can in the corner of the room had started overflowing.

It wasn’t a pleasing sight, but he couldn’t blame her.

He had offered to meet him at a local café to talk—albeit, after she showered. She hesitantly agreed, and went into the bathroom to get ready. While she showered, Armin absentmindedly picked up some of the scattered clothing, putting it in it’s proper place, and even emptied the trash can for her.

He saw the slight shock in her eyes when she came out, surprised, but internally grateful for his help. She didn’t show it verbally, but she gave a thankful nod, and he understood.

---

Armin brought the cup to his lips, the steam flowing from the cup blocking his face as he sipped his tea silently, and Annie took another bite of her glazed donut.

“So, Annie.” He turned to face her, setting his cup down. “I wanted to talk to you about something.”

She sighed internally. Nothing yet had been spoken, but she knew it was about you. Her silence beckoned him to continue.

“I... No, we all noticed how you’ve been recently, and we understand it. Who knows what you’re feeling right now...” His sympathy went mostly unappreciated. She really didn’t want to be reminded of the depressive state she had fallen into.

“It’s completely up to you, but... we think it would be better for you if you decided to talk to her again.” Armin didn’t need to say who this ‘her’ was. Annie already knew.

She raised an eyebrow and considered his statement for a fleeting moment, but regained her stance. She wasn’t going to talk to you. No convincing from her friends would change that.

“See, the thing is, Y/N has been discharged.” He spoke, bringing the cup back to his face to preemptively fill the silence he anticipated.

No amount of emotional cover-up could hide the shocked look on her face. Part of her was ecstatic, deep down. She was glad you were well enough to leave. But, the other part reminded her that associating with you would only bring her more hurt.

“But, there isn’t really going to be any recovering from what she experienced, unfortunately.” He brought the cup back down onto the table, now empty of all it’s liquid. “So, the doctor advised that she be under careful supervision from someone at all times.”

Annie wasn’t stupid. She knew where this was going.

“So,” he huffed a breath of heavy air, “We decided that if anyone was going to take her in, it should be you, Annie. We want to take her back to live with you.” She could feel her jaw slack at the proposal, and a full-fledged war had just started in her mind. She registered he was still speaking, but was too conflicted to listen.

Once again, part of her mind was desperately trying to reach you. To take you in and care for you, and to ensure you have a safe and comfortable recovery with her. She could restart with you, and make new memories with you, and everyone else.

But she understand it would be painful. Unbearable, even. She might as well be taking care of a stranger. You didn’t act like Y/n, you didn’t look like Y/n, hell, you hardly even knew who Y/n was at this point. It would just hurt her even more, all she needed to do was get away from you—!

“Annie...!” Armin spoke firmly, slightly leaned over the table as if he had been prying for her attention for a while now. He reached across the table to grab her hand, causing her to gasp. His hand was warm. It reminded her of you.

“I know what you’re thinking.” His voice was soothing and inviting, and she was reminded once again of what great friends she had made in the 104th.

“You think it’s gonna hurt, and it will, I’m sure. I understand too. She doesn’t quite act like she did before, we all noticed. It’s...” He paused, leaning back in his chair and looking to the side. It had hurt him, too. “Strange. To see a friend like this.”

He leaned forward, pulling his hand away to place it back on the table. “But you have to do something! Separating yourself from someone you care about so deeply isn’t good for you.” He brought his head up slightly, staring daggers into her eyes. “And don’t lie to me. I know you still care about her. You wouldn’t be so conflicted if you didn’t.”

Tears pricked at her eyes once again. She didn’t want to get emotional, and certainly not here of all places. But she knew he was telling the truth. She still cared, and it wasn’t good for her to ignore you.

“Besides,” He stood up, turning to leave. “She misses you too, Annie.”

---

She made up her mind that day. She was gonna bring you back home.

It wasn’t easy. Both the emotional aspect, but also cleaning up her filthy room in such a short span of time. Still, she prepped it perfectly for your arrival. She cleaned up the room, organized her things, made the bed, and even bought a second pillow—surely, you two couldn’t share just the one.

Picking you up from the hospital was bittersweet. You managed to stay standing, although only with the help of a wooden cane. Your hand gripped the handle tightly, and you leaned a large portion of your body weight on it, just to not fall over.

You had changed out of the raggedy hospital clothes, finally getting to wear something comfortable after so long, but even with the cloth, the purplish-redish burn scars coated much of your body. It reached from the very fingertips of your right hand, all the way up your neck and part of your face.

Still, you smiled weakly and brought your hand up to wave at her.

She approached you hesitantly, but as soon as you tried to stumble over to her, she rushed up to support you with an arm around your shoulder.

“Easy, now.” She muttered. “You should be careful.”

“Right,” You chuckled nervously. “Sorry.” You breathed out a sigh of relief, having seen the outside for the first time in weeks. It didn’t stop the stone walls from towering forebodingly over you, though, but you felt at least some freedom.

“Where are we headed?” You sighed, and started walking. Annie guided you for the most part, but you managed to get your injured legs to cooperate, somewhat. You hand trembled as it gripped the cane, and even step on uneven ground caused you to stumble, but Annie’s grip kept you upright.

“We’re going...” She hesitated. “Home.”

---

Early morning birds chirped their greetings through the open windows, and the sun shone rays of dawn down from the sky. A typical wake-up call to her.

That, and your snoring.

She opened her eyes and stretched, easing up the tension in her muscles, which had laid painfully dormant for the past eight hours. Yawning and rubbing the sleep from her eyes, her attention shifted to the mass attached to her side.

Your arms were wrapped tightly around her torso, and your head was buried in her chest. Despite having lived with you for a few weeks now, she hadn’t gotten used to the change. In the past, neither of you really cuddled in your sleep. You gave sweet goodnights and passed out on opposite sides of the bed just like that.

It was a welcome change, though, and seeing you tucked so comfortably into her side brought a smile and blush to her face. She ran a hand through your messy h/c hair, smiling softly as you stirred in response to the affection.

“...Mm?” You let out a groggy noise, having been woken up a little earlier than you were used to. Annie was always the morning person in the relationship.

“Good morning.” She cooed, removing her hand to sit up and get out of bed. Once she tried to stand, though, she felt a frail hand tug at her wrist. You grip was weak as a result of your injuries, and she could very easily wiggle out if she wanted to, but she faltered.

“C’mon...” You muttered, face down in the blankets, still halfway asleep. “Can’t you stay a little longer?”

Annie huffed in defeat, climbing back into the bed and shuffling back under the cotton sheets. You were back at her side in an instant, and she smiled once again. Even after everything, you were still just as cute as always when you were sleepy.

“We can’t stay like this for very long, you know.” She sighed, placing a warm, calloused hand on your back.

You groaned in annoyance at that. “Why’s that?”

“Armin and the others invited us out to get lunch. It’s been a while since the Survey Corps has had a day off.” She looked to the side before muttering quietly. “I also have to go to work with the military police... I’ve used up all my paid leave.”

“Oh... yeah, we should probably get ready.” Contrary to your tone, you were actually quite happy. Annie had been quite a bit overprotective of you since your injury, so you hadn’t gotten the chance to get out much. You couldn’t blame her much, though. You could hardly walk, eat, or do just about anything without assistance. You were glad she took good care of you, but it got a little overbearing sometimes.

“Let’s get up, then.” She said, slinking out of bed. You watched wordlessly as she slipped out of her night clothes into something more presentable, sliding her shirt over her head effortlessly. You couldn’t help but blush as your eyes trailed down her toned stomach.

She looked back at you with an unamused expression as she slid on a plain white shirt. “You shouldn’t stare, Y/n.”

“R-Right.” You looked away flustered. You had only technically known her a few weeks now, but man were you lucky.

Annie’s warm hand enveloping your own brought you back into reality, and you accepted her help wordlessly as you got out of bed.

She helped you out of your clothes and handed you something nice to put on for the day. It was a comfortable ritual the two of you got into, helping you get dressed in the morning.

She sat you down in one of the chair’s in her room, ordering you to stay put while she went to the military police mess hall to pick up breakfast for the two of you.

She came back into the room only a few minutes later, carrying two trays of food, and sat them down in front of both of you. It was a boring meal, typical of any military ration, but you didn’t complain.

“So, Annie,” She looked up from her food, still digging her fork into the baked potato on her plate. “Tell me a story.”

She smiled longingly, staying silent for a moment as she recollected her memories for a good story to tell. Ever since you lost your memory and started staying with Annie, you often spent mealtimes getting her to tell stories about you, her, and your other friends. About what happened in the 104th, and the Survey Corps, and sometimes, you’d ask Annie about her childhood and time before the military. She seemed very hesitant about the last one, but she still told you bits and pieces. You could easily infer that she didn’t have a very pleasant childhood, so you didn’t push the subject.

“Well,” Annie finally spoke, swallowing a gulp of water from her glass, having seemingly found a story she felt like telling. “One time, in the 104th, Sasha had managed to convince you to steal food from the pantry with her.”

You listened intently as she continued recounting the events, a sad smile on her face. “So you and her snuck in late at night, but Shadis heard both of you because of how loud Sasha was. So then, you two had no where to go but a tiny cramped pantry in the kitchen, and then—”

*CRASH*

You sat there like a deer in headlights as the glass shattered into hundreds of transparent shards on the floor, startling Annie out of her nostalgic trance.

“Y/n!” She exclaimed, standing up from her seat swiftly. She spotted the broken glass, mixed with the water it had held, and looked back at you. Once she pieced it together, she facepalmed.

“Y/n...” She sighed. “How many times do I have to tell you to not to try and pick up things right now...”

“Sorry,” You muttered. “I just wanted to see...”

Despite the severity of your injuries, you were quite stubborn. No matter how much Annie insisted that you not hold things in your state, you did so anyway. It seldom worked, since, like now, you always dropped it within seconds.

“It’s... It’s fine,” She sighed, leaning down to carefully pick up the larger fragments of glass. Once she got the larger pieces, she dumped them in the trash and knelt down in front of your chair on one knee, grabbing your hand in her own. “But you need to remember, your injuries haven’t healed yet. Nowhere close. I know you hate it, but you need to let your body rest.”

You nodded sorrowfully. Yet, despite how much you promised, you knew you’d never really stop trying to push your body. Even if your skin was scarred, and hands were shaky, and the muscles of your legs atrophied and partially-paralyzed, you would never stop trying to live a normal life.

Annie had finished sweeping up the smaller shards of glass in the dustpan, and dumped it into the trash can, before returning to the table.

Silently, she grabbed her glass, still half filled with water, and brought it up to your lips. When you had first started living with Annie, you were a little embarrassed about having to be fed like this, but you had long since gotten used to it.

Once the glass was empty, she sat it down on the tabletop once again, and checked the time.

“Shit, we should get going, it’s nearly time.” She sighs, grabbing your cane from it’s spot leaning against the wall and handing it to you. You thank her and, with her help, stand up from your spot. Her arm slinks around your waist, allowing you to lean half of your body weight on the cane and the other half on Annie.

As you made your way out of the building and down the street towards the restaurant, you finally broke the silence.

“Annie?” You asked, quietly. There was an uncharacteristic sadness to your voice.

“Yes, darling?” She inquired, keeping her eyes glued on the trail in front of you.

“How come you still take care of me? Even after the accident, you still stick with me. Why is that?”

Annie chuckles dryly. She doesn’t want to tell you that it’s still a sore subject for her, so she answers honestly.

“It wasn’t so black and white, really. It was pretty upsetting to see someone I loved so much not even recognize me at all.” Her eyes bore into the pavement below her feet. “No offense, of course.”

“None taken.”

“But a friend of mine talked to me about it. And I realized there would be no point in running from it. I decided that if you didn’t know me, I would make you fall in love with me all over again. Plus,” She looked to the side, a faint red blush on her cheeks. “I didn’t want you to feel lonely...”

You giggled at her embarrassment, opening your mouth to say something, but she cut you off quickly.

“We’re here.” She stopped in front of the doors, and you easily spotted Mikasa, Armin, and Jean already sitting inside at one of the tables, exchanging lighthearted banter.

“Hey Annie.”

“Hm?” She turned the knob of the door, stepping foot into the bustling room.

“Thanks for taking care of me.” You sighed, a small smile gracing your lips.

“Of course.” She smiled in return. “I’ll always be here for you.”

“Oi!” Jean shouted from across the room, and Armin immediately tried to shush his yelling, but he wasn’t phased. “Annie, Y/n, hurry up!”

You and Annie giggle at his boisterous attitude, walking over to find your seats.

“It’s been a while since we’ve seen you, Y/N.” Mikasa smiled warmly, tucking her scarf around her neck.

You smile at the three of them, looking so happy and peaceful. You’ve missed it.

“Yeah,” You laugh. “So, what did I miss?”

This feels badly written but I can’t place it, I dunno.

Probably ‘cause I wrote the first half like a month ago and only finished it today lol.

And no I totally didn’t reference someone else’s fic in this haha nope

#attack on titan #attack on titan x reader #shingeki no kyojin #shingeki no kyojin x reader #aot #snk #aot x reader #snk x reader #annie leonhart #annie leonhart x reader #annie x reader #fluff #angst

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sifeng · 5 years ago

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Chinese Drama Villains

Villains are just as essential to a story as a hero. If you have a weak villain that has no personality beyond evil, and no reasoning behind their actions besides “because they’re evil”, then no matter how good your hero is, the story still won’t be compelling.

Today, I will compare 7 different villains from four different kinds of dramas - wuxia, xianxia, harem and revolutionary era. The eight villains can also be grouped into three different categories based on why they do what they do - for love, for power, and a struggle internally.

The eight villains I will be analyzing are as follows:

Sui He (穗禾) played by Wang Yifei (王一菲) from Ashes of Love (香蜜沉沉烬如霜) - Xianxia

Xian Fei (娴妃) played by She Shiman (佘诗曼) from The Story of Yanxi Palace (延禧攻略) - Harem

An Lingrong (安陵容) played by Tao Xinran (陶昕然) from Empresses in the Palace (甄嬛传) - Harem

Hua Fei (华妃) played by Jiang Xin (蒋欣) from Empresses in the Palace (甄嬛传) - Harem

Yang Kang (杨康) played by so many different people but from the most recent one its Chen Xingxu (陈星旭) from The Legend of the Condor Heroes (射雕英雄传) - Wuxia

Zhou Zhiruo (周芷若) played by so many different people but from the most recent one its Zhu Xudan (祝绪丹) from Heavenly Sword and Dragon Sabre (倚天屠龙记) - Wuxia

Feng Manna (冯曼娜) played by Tao Xinran (陶昕然) from Rookie Agent Rouge (胭脂) - Revolutionary Era

They can be grouped into the three categories I mentioned before in this order:

For Love - Sui He, Hua Fei, Zhou Zhiruo (kind of)

For Power - Xian Fei, An Lingrong

Internal Struggle - Yang Kang, Zhou Zhiruo (kind of), Feng Manna

Let’s analyze each category separately. Also sorry Yang Kang is the only guy villain here, but lets be real, in recent dramas haven’t the villains always been ladies?

For Love

This group is the easiest to determine what their motivation is: love. For all three, they are the second female leads (arguably) and cannot get the leading man because he obviously belongs to the female lead.

Sui He (穗禾) played by Wang Yifei (王一菲) - Ashes of Love (香蜜沉沉烬如霜)

For Sui He, love is one of two factors that causes her to do the things she does. The other factor is because she wants to please the Heavenly Empress to keep her position as the leader of the Bird Tribe. But evidently, it seems that love is her primary motive, as the scene in which she completely breaks down is when Xu Feng (male lead) reveals he never loved Sui He and only wanted to see if she really killed Jin Mi (female lead)’s parents. When she looses leadership of the Bird Tribe, yeah, she’s sad, but not as sad as the aforementioned scene.

Hua Fei/Nian Shilan (华妃/年世兰) played by Jiang Xin (蒋欣) - Empresses in the Palace (甄嬛传) - the one in hot pink

Hua Fei’s motive is just love. She already has power within the harem (she’s tied with the Empress), and her family is super important and powerful as well. The only thing she wants is the Emperor (male lead)’s love. When the emperor is more interested in the new concubines, Shen Meizhuang and Zhen Huan (female lead), Hua Fei is ready to destroy them. She gets Shen Meizhuang out of favor by tricking her into thinking she was pregnant, and while she tries, on many occasions, to get Zhen Huan out of favor as well, it seems her ideas don’t work.

Zhu Xudan (祝绪丹) as Zhou Zhiruo (周芷若) in Heavenly Sword and Dragon-Slaying Sabre (倚天屠龙记)

Zhou Zhiruo could technically be in two categories here, but let’s just talk about how her love for Zhang Wuji (male lead) affects her decisions. After Zhang Wuji leaves her at the altar after Zhao Min (female lead) intrudes on their ceremony and offers to help Zhang Wuji find his godfather only if he leaves with her, Zhou Zhiruo sheds the mask of innocence that she wears. She uses her unorthodox Nine White Bone Claws to try to kill Zhao Min, and this isn’t her first attempt to kill Zhao Min. She tried once to stab her in the stomach while she was sleeping, but got caught by Yin Li, who she had to kill instead. She then tried to make Zhang Wuji kill Zhao Min by pretending that Zhao Min had killed Yin Li and stolen the swords. The reason for her attempted assassinations is she is jealous that Zhang Wuji likes Zhao Min (though some of her other evil actions are for a different reason).

So What Do These Three Have in Common?

Love leads these three female villains into killing at least one person. For Sui He, she kills the Water and Wind Immortal, for Hua Fei she succeeds in giving Zhen Huan a miscarriage, and for Zhou Zhiruo, she is forced to kill Yin Li to silence her. Love drives these three into a frenzy, and they are willing to do anything or kill anyone to get the love of their respective male leads.

Some Others in this Category:

Zhao Sese (赵瑟瑟) - Goodbye My Princess (东宫)

Su Jin (素锦) - Eternal Love (三生三世十里桃花)

Chun Fei (纯妃) - Story of Yanxi Palace (延禧攻略) - kind of an exception though since she loves the second male lead

For Power

This type of villain is seen commonly in harem dramas, and some heroines even have this as their motive (Zhen Huan, Wei Yingluo). Their basis for their horrible actions is primarily so they can gain power, usually so they can be above those who had previously stepped all over them.

Xian Fei/Hui Fa Na La Shu Shen (娴妃/辉发那拉·淑慎) played by She Shiman (佘诗曼) - Story of Yanxi Palace (延禧攻略)

Xian Fei had once been a kind and unfavored concubine who didn't bother to play in court politics (but then again, in the beginning only Gao Guifei cared at all). But after her family’s fall from power (of which she cannot do anything for), she changes dramatically. She starts by killing Jia Pin, and making all sorts of ploys to bring Wei Yingluo’s downfall. While she doesn’t hate the emperor, her motives for getting higher in the court have nothing to do with him. Her ending, while not as bad as some of the other ones, is rather tragic, as she becomes an empress that is isolated and given no real power, similar to how she started out.

An Lingrong (安陵容) played by Tao Xinran (陶昕然) - Empress in the Palace (甄嬛传)

Like Xian Fei, An Lingrong starts out weak, unfavored but still good-hearted. She is grateful for the friendship of her two friends, Zhen Huan and Shen Meizhuang, even though the emperor could care less about her. She actually starts out at the lowest title possible for a concubine and stays there for like eighteen episodes. As her power grows a little stronger, she begins to develop an inferiority complex, and she believes Zhen Huan is trying to sabotage her (even though she’s not). She ends up betraying her two good friends in the beginning and going to the empress to become her minion. Throughout this development, her title grows and grows as does her father’s importance in the court. As her power grows, her personality shifts from kind and innocent to jealous and eager to gain more power.

Some Others in this Category:

Hong Shiguang (洪世光) - My Amazing Boyfriend (我的奇妙男友)

So What Do These Two Have in Common?

They both start out weak and unfavored, though Xian Fei’s rank is considerably higher than An Lingrong’s. While An Lingrong doesn’t need a tragedy to get her power hungry quest started, she does require assistance at first from Zhen Huan. The two ladies both use subtle plots and schemes to bring down their competitors, and both kill somebody. Xian Fei straight up chokes Jia Pin (though not with her own hands of course) and An Lingrong causes Zhen Huan’s miscarriage by giving her an ointment whose scent causes miscarriages. Both rise considerably in power, and loose their old personalities, replacing them with a desire for power and revenge.

Internal Struggle

This is my favorite type of villain, and also the most complex. This group of characters have some sort of struggle internally, usually on whether to do what others say, or do what seems to be easiest. They are the most emotional of these villains because even though they seem to be tough and strong on the outside, inside they have no clue what to do.

Yang Kang (杨康) played by Chen Xingxu (陈星旭) - Legend of the Condor Heroes (射雕英雄传)

Honestly, while watching the 2003 and 2017 versions and reading the novel, I felt really bad for Yang Kang, but he definitely does do things we as watchers cannot forgive. His struggle is between whether he should accept his fate as a normal Song peasant or continue being the Jurchen Prince he once was. His real father, Yang Tiexin was a Song peasant, as was his mom, Bao Xiruo. After Yang Tiexin was supposedly “killed”, Bao Xiruo married Wanyan Honglie, a Jurchen Prince, so Yang Kang could have a good life. When Yang Tiexin was revealed not to be dead, Bao Xiruo and Mu Nianci (Yang Kang’s love interest) both convinced him to accept his father was Yang Tiexin, and escape the city to live a peasant life with his real family. He refused, and Wanyan Honglie decided to run after the reunited family, this led to the deaths of Yang Tiexin and Bao Xiruo. Their deaths, as well as Yang Kang’s new struggle of “who am I?” leads him to Mu Nianci, and he finally accepts he is Yang Tiexin’s son, and a normal Song peasant. But, life as a Song peasant obviously is not as comfortable as life as a Jurchen Prince, and he constantly switches and back and forth from Song peasant to Jurchen Prince. When he discovers the reason Bao Xiruo and Yang Tiexin were separated in the first place was Wanyan Honglie; Mu Nianci, Guo Jing and Huang Rong all tell him to kill Wanyan Honglie. He is about to, but cannot do so, because well, duh, this dude raised him. For eighteen (something) years, he thought he was Wanyan Kang, and not Yang Kang.

This brings me to why he’s a villain - the things I said before, that doesn’t make him a villain, it makes him a human. But what does make him a villain is when he is willing to betray his true country (Song) for Jin, and when he then lies to Mu Nianci.

Is he allowed to not be willing to leave the comfort of the palace? Yes. Is he allowed to not have the guts to kill Wanyan Honglie? Yes. Is he allowed to help Wanyan Honglie once in exchange for Wanyan Honglie raising him? Yes, even twice. But, is he allowed to betray his country and the person who loves him the most just for some title and some riches? No. Sure, he can stay in the palace as a Jurchen prince, but the fact that he used Mu Nianci’s connections to get information about Song army advancements and then TOLD THEM TO WANYAN HONGLIE is unacceptable.

But I do think it ought to be said - Guo Jing, Huang Rong and Mu Nianci were being way too cruel when they asked Yang Kang to kill Wanyan Honglie. That’s like asking you to kill this man who did nothing but be nice to you and raise you as a parent should for your entire childhood. Who is cruel enough to do that?

Feng Manna (冯曼娜) played by Tao Xinran (陶昕然) - Rookie Agent Rouge (胭脂)

I also felt really bad for Manna, especially in the beginning. In the beginning, her best friend is Lan Yanzhi, and they’re really close - that is until Yanzhi decides to betray Manna. Yanzhi decides to help the Nationalist Party by infiltrating Manna’s house and revealing how Manna’s parents are Japanese spies. Yanzhi does make the Nationalists promise that in her infiltrating the house, these actions will not hurt Manna (but of course they do). Yanzhi’s spying causes the death of Manna’s parents and the destruction of the friendship the two girls had.

So, doesn’t Yanzhi seem like the villain here? Well, two reasons she isn’t, what Manna does after these first few episodes, and because Yanzhi was helping her country (ooooh, I should do an antihero analysis too! Yanzhi would fit so perfectly). After the death of her parents, Manna can only rely on San Ge, the person she loves the most. And eventually, she is forced to go and help the Japanese, something she does with joy, and she really (really really really) wants to capture Yanzhi and torture her too. She ends up being a huge spy for the Japanese, and when she does capture Yanzhi, she unleashes all sorts of torture on her (mental, physical, all the sorts). Her willingness to betray her country just because of a broken friendship does paint her as a traitor, but you do have to consider the fact that she has no where else to go. Her parents were traitors, and so who will believe that she’s a hero? Another factor that makes her a villain is the fact that she believes her parents were correct, she believes that they’ll go to heaven, even though they were evil and wicked. While of course, we, as children (usually), see our parents as good people no matter what they do, Manna should have seen this situation in context.

But now that I write this, Manna is a very pitiful character, and if this story was told from her point of view, Yanzhi would 100% be the villain. Out of the people on this list, Manna has the most reason to do what she does, and while its not correct (what she does), she really had no other option.

Zhou Zhiruo (周芷若) played by Zhu Xudan (祝绪丹) - Heavenly Sword and Dragon Slaying Sabre (倚天屠龙记)

We’ve already seen how love impacts Zhou Zhiruo’s decisions and her evil, but another factor that causes her transformation is the pressure her master, Miejue put on her before her death. Miejue made Zhou Zhiruo promise not to ever love Zhang Wuji, and even to kill him. She made her the new leader of Emei, but also said that if Zhiruo disobeyed her, then Miejue would never get to experience peace in the afterlife. Zhiruo, who loves Zhang Wuji, but also Miejue doesn't know what to do.

On the Island, she steals the two swords, and while she tries to kill Zhao Min, her master had told her to kill Wuji. She cannot bring herself to do that (meaning she has disobeyed her master and that Miejue will not find peace in the afterlife). She then gets the Nine Yin Manual, and practices the Nine White Bone Claw skill, though she only learns the inferior unorthodox version. Zhiruo kills Yin Li, and pushes all the responsibility onto Zhao Min, continuing to pretend she too is a victim. After being left at the altar, she decides to follow through with Miejue’s orders and becomes the true leader of Emei. She shuts up one of the Emei students who used to talk trash about her by continuously hitting her with her blows until the student finally accepts Zhiruo is truly the leader.

So What Do These Three Have in Common?

They’re being told to do one thing, but they cannot. Yang Kang is told to be a Song peasant, since he’s supposed to be one, but he would rather be a prince. Manna is told she should be sincere to her country, but the only people who will accept her are the Japanese. Zhiruo is told to forget her love for Zhang Wuji, but she loves him too much. This kind of struggle leads them to do cruel things out of confusion or anger. These are the most complex villains, with motives that go beyond just one thing. They do bad things because they cannot live up society’s expectations of a good person, and go the opposite way instead.

So What Makes a Good Villain?

The ones I’ve included as analysis are all good villains, but my favorite, in terms of how complex he is, is Yang Kang. He are real, human, and his motives go beyond just one reason. Manna was also really complex, and also she had just a great transformation. She is kind of forced into the role of a villain because there’s no where else to go. Honestly, though she does some bad things, people in that show (Rookie Agent Rouge) all do bad things, even good guys, so she’s a great reflection of how cruel society can be. She’s a victim, and because no one was willing to help her, or because she wasn’t wiling to accept the truth, she turned into the villain. My least favorite type of villains is the “do it for love” type, since, realistically, few people would go to the point of murder for love.

One of the reasons I feel like Manna is such a good villain, is because Tao Xinran played her role so well. Jiang Xin’s Hua Fei was also SO GOOD! You can see that behind that mask of power and sass, she’s just a little girl who wants to be loved by the one she loves. So, while writing is very important, I think acting is very important as well. You have to create a good character, with human traits and realistic motives, and also an actor or actress has to be able to play out these traits.

#cdrama #villains #cdrama analysis #ashes of love #heavenly sword and dragon saber #rookie agent rouge #legend of the condor heroes #story of yanxi palace #empresses in the palace

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writings-from-the-hart · 5 years ago

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Writebr Intro

Writeblr Intro Time!

Hiya! This is so overdue and I apologize for that lol. I’ve been meaning to write this but school seems to always be getting in the way of just that. Writing. But here I am finally writing this! And yes my username is a pun of my own last name but I just couldn’t resist.

So basically, I really want to surround myself with other writers and have stumbled across tons of writeblr’s (I think that’s what they’re called lol). Instantly I was in love and wanted more of what the community had to offer. I’ve been a self-proclaimed “author” or writer since my early years of grade school. I was that child in the back of the class with ADHD that couldn’t sit still (the cliche bouncing leg and always chewed down nails) and had what my mother called an “overactive imagination”. My notebooks in high school were often filled with wild stories about “galaxies far far away” or dystopias with cruel governments ruled by dictators. Now I’m in my second year of college swamped with classes about the Psychology of criminals (or I like to call the science of murder), and trying to find time to write a novel. So the struggle is real my dudes.

A little about Me:

Hana

She/Her

Pisces

Asexual

Forensic Psychology Major and English with a concentration in Writing Minor

Book hoarder

Dog Mom

Vintage AF

Low Key Emo Punk because I’m no average white girl!

History nerd (Love learning about the old wars and cultures)

Movie nerd (There’s an endless stack of DVDs in my house)

Fandoms:

The Mandolorian (or the ManDADolorian)

Star Trek

Star Wars

Hannibal

X-Files

King Falls Am

Welcome to Nightvale

Transformers (Obviously not the bad movies lol. Bumblebee is baby and must be protected always.)

Good Omens

Sherlock

Lord of the Rings

Marvel (There are so many shows and movies in this category we would be here all day if I tried to list them.)

Timeless (Not sure if the fandom is still alive after what the writers did to one of our ships lol)

DC (I’m a huge Batman geek and adore Wonderwoman, but I take the good with the bad when it comes to this fandom. Especially movie-wise anymore.)

And there’s probably more but my memory isn’t working currently.

Goals?. . . maybe:

Get my novel finished (This has literally been on my To-Do List for who knows how long.)

Meet more writers/new writers.

Improve my poetry (I suck at poetry so I bad I never let it see the light of day, so I need to work on it.)

Start my bullet journal.

Wips:

Okay by now you all know I have at least 1 Wip because I mentioned getting a freaking novel done, but just as a precaution as to what I mean by Wip or Wips. I get distracted quite easily, for some odd reason my brain absolutely loves to jump from one idea to another for no absolute reason. Like WTF dude we already have an idea we’re working on why do you keep bringing all these new ones to me like stray dogs. And like any good dog Mom or distracted writer, I want to keep all the ideas/stray dogs. So, when I say Wip I mean “Look at this cool idea I came up with” and I’ll make sure to specify which one is hogging most of my time.

Renegade: Dystopian, Thriller, Post-Apocalypse, and Science Fiction.

This is my baby. Most of my free time is dedicated to adjusting plotlines, character arc’s, fixing freaking plot holes, and other important stuff other than just plain writing. I’m hoping to finish this also monster of a story by 2020 and get it published. So big stuff!

“So tell me little wolf do you want to punish those who have wronged you?” An assassin known as the Crimson Ghost makes their way through the corrupt city-state of Ashton completing a job given to them by the Black Rose. What is a seemingly normal job though turns into something far more complicated when they stumble upon the fractions of an abandoned notebook from the past. A past the Republic is trying to desperately hide and bury no matter what. On the other side of the world in the Republic’s capital Eshar, plainly referred to as “The Prodigy” or “machine” by his superiors, Eric Coalwood has built a life upon the ashes of his family, striving to meet the high expectations set before him by his mentor General Wolfheart. However, his life falls out of its normal day to day routine when the unexpected is asked of him. Command a task force made up of the Republic’s most wanted or his life is over. Eric doesn’t need reasons for why he must do what he has to, all he needs are orders and the Republic is more than happy to give them. Either way the clock is ticking for both the Crimson Ghost and the Republic’s prodigy and with time running out they both have two options. Either get over their different beliefs concerning the Republic or allow the world to once again succumb to war but this time nobody is going to survive it. “Legends are slippery things. For the glory that coats them hides the pain, suffering and death that created them.”

The Trouville Files: Dystopian, Thriller, Post-Apocalypse, and Science Fiction.

Not my biggest priority but definitely one of them considering the plot of this story. I mainly use this wip as a reference for Renegade because it’s actually the prequel to it. Also, it’s great to use as writing practice when I’m plagued with writer’s block for Renegade or frustrated with a plot hole. So this is my double-edged sword that does a lot of good.

“Death in these black days is neither kind nor quick.” The year is 2153, the world we know is nothing more than a wasteland strewn with the dead and a sky being choked by their ashes, not glorious and thriving but desolate and starving. The Red Death, a pandemic with a steady progression and a gruesome countdown to the demise of those infected. No one outruns it or survives it. “United we stand, divided we fall.” The Allied Nations, a totalitarian superpower, promised a united people but all they gave this world was more death and destruction. The Red Death isn’t the only thing slowly killing humanity anymore, we are in the form of the War of Broken Pacts. The spark of revolution is lit, but if it will remain so is a question asked by everyone. Does it stand a chance against the iron-fisted government holding the people in shackles? “Rebel with a cause.” Genius Medical Officer for The People’s Republic, Cyprus Ramiro works day and night in search of a cure for the Red Death exterminating hundreds, at least before this war kills him first. But he is also a man on the run and the rebellion can only shelter him for so long. “Duty over pain.” Cunning Spy and Soldier, Orion Ultor is ordered by the Allied Nations to infiltrate and gather information on the ever-growing People’s Republic. In bold letters is Search and Destroy; make a ruin of the rebellion and ensure the Allied Nations remains as it should -- unquestionably in power. No matter the cost unless he wants to suffer the consequences again. “If we fall we shall rise from the ashes like a phoenix.” They should have never met, battlefields don't make good friends. It wasn't fate, it wasn't destiny, only war throwing people together. The Allied Nations is trying to stamp out something they fear, but can they before the Red Plague? Or will humanity find itself extinct.

Beyond his point is where I house my stray dogs/ideas

Hiraeth: Paranormal, Horror, Mystery, and Thriller.

Scooby-doo who?

Hiraeth means a homesickness for a home which you cannot return. That is how Arcane feels like she’ll never be home no matter how hard she tries to connect with her family. The closest she feels to being home is with her friends and in the worn leather seats of the van they all pitched in to buy. It all started out as a way to pass time and for all of them to escape their families because to be honest parents never understand, but it all turned sideways when a simple “ghost hunting trip” stirred something that was meant to remain buried. The truth never remains buried though, not really, somehow it will always creep back in ugly and twisted. Arcane has never felt “at home” but she’ll do whatever it takes to keep what she considers her family safe.

Sweet Dreams: Historical Fiction, Thriller, and Romance.

A literal dream turned into story plot and no I’m not kidding.

The Red String of Fate, The Lovers, and War. These are the three elements intertwined within the plot of Sweet Dreams but before anyone makes any assumptions this isn’t some chummy rom-com. There will be tears and heart strings may get yanked clean out because the angst is real. War and love never mix well, it leaves a sour taste in ones mouth and makes the mind question things it shouldn’t. Like is the woman in his dreams the same woman he sees in all his dreams? Constantly he somehow ends up spotting that same ruby red lipstick, honey golden eyes, and brunette hair laying in perfect curls. She’s everywhere except in his actual life. They say you and your soulmate share dreams, living proof of how intertwined souls are. She doesn’t believe in love or the idea of souls, not with the monsters roaming around the countryside and battlefield carrying assault rifles. Society tells her where her place is, but she disagrees and rather create her own destiny.

The Prophet: Paranormal, Thriller, Post-Apocalypse, and Science Fiction.

A short story I can’t seem to let go or it doesn’t want to let me go, but either way, this story has the makings for something great. It also at times seems strikingly similar to Good Omens, so don’t be surprised.

There’s no anti-christ in this story, he already has a book about himself so let’s not make another one besides there are other stories that need to be told. Such as, have you ever heard of modern day prophets and I’m not talking about those people with cardboard signs saying “the end is near!” or giant churches with people preaching about the end times. No, I’m talking about a kid with messy hair and dark circles under their eyes because sleep is no longer a choice due to migraines that plague them every night. Migraines that bring weird cryptic messages that make one question their own sanity. And what happens when strange people start asking about said migraines and messages?

Virago: Fantasy, Thriller, Historical Fiction, and Romance.

I’m not a huge fantasy reader, for some reason I can’t stay invested in them, but here I am with a fantasy story in my wips. It has mages, knights, assasination plots, and one super badass general who takes zero shit from her king. That’s right women empowerment, my dudes! I don’t really have much of a synopsis inline or a plot because this is only of those wips I let rattle around in my brain from time to time. But I will say it does give me that LOTR vibe but also Game of Thrones.

Don’t be surprised if you see my stray doggos from time to time because I will admit I love to play around with storyboards. Even if I don’t have a fully planned out plot put together for it.

And that concludes this what was supposed to be short Writeblr Intro. I hope I have peaked some of your guys’ interests because the community definitely got a hold of minee. Feel free to send me a message about anything I mentioned (even if it’s just fandom shit I don’t care) and don’t be shy. I’m a huge introvert but somehow love talking, so don’t worry it won’t be awkward and odds are I’m equally nervous about conversation lol. Also, feel free to add me to any taglist and reblog/like if you’re active and would like more Writeblr mutuals!

Happy Writing,

Writings-from-the-Hart

#writeblr #wips #writer intro #my ocs

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tessatechaitea · 5 years ago

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Teen Titans Spotlight #1: Starfire

Comics in 1986: "Let's begin our new series with Starfire battling Apartheid!" Asshole Fans in 2019: "Comics should go back to the good old days when they weren't political!"

Really, M&M's? Everyone? Haven't you heard about Apartheid?!

So far the craziest thing about this comic book to modern audiences is how boring M&M colors were in 1986. I suspect I don't have the maturity to comment on a story about Apartheid. Oh well! Let's do this! The story is called "Black and White" because, you see, Apartheid was about how whites and blacks experienced two disparate South Africas. It's also a play on how "black and white" is a way to describe issues that have easily recognizable positive and negative sides. It's probably racist that we automatically assume the black side is the negative side. Maybe that also plays into the title! Chess pieces are black and white too so maybe the title alludes to chess. Maybe something about pawns versus the gentry. Marv might even work in some bits about The Beatles seeing as how they're using that zebra crossing on the cover of Abbey Road. Starfire has just returned from Tamaran where she married that dweeby Prince Karras guy. He was Tamaran's version of Terry Long. I'm surprised more panels didn't show Starfire and Donna in the background giggling and holding their index fingers and thumb a teeny, tiny distance apart. Starfire didn't spend eighth grade on Earth so she never learned Earth geography. So instead of flying in from space and looking at Earth and going, "Okay, that's New York right there!", she winds up in South Africa. I bet she came at Earth upside down and got confused. It's easy to get confused in space where up and down don't exist in any objective way. Starfire descends upon a group of black people chanting "Informer" at a woman they eventually soak in gasoline and light on fire. Holy fuck! This comic book just got more real than all 114 issues of New Titans I just recently reread! Except maybe that part where Raven raped Starfire during Starfire's wedding. That was pretty heavy. The white police arrive to commit some justice. Unless I meant "racism" instead of "justice." Sometimes, living in America, it's hard to see the difference.

I bet this guy has a MAGA Twitter account.

How many of your racist family members often bring up black on black crime when discussing gun control or cops shooting unarmed black men? How many of those idiots don't think they're being racist when they bring up that argument and just think they're being logical? It's fucking racism, dudes. Cops killing unarmed black men has nothing to do with black men being killed by criminals who happen to share their same skin color. Nobody ever talks about "white on white" crime. That's just crime perpetuated by criminals against innocent people! But somehow a black person shooting another black person belongs in some kind of special category? Of course a black person is probably going to be the victim of a black criminal because America had this thing called white flight. It caused places to become poor black neighborhoods because white people couldn't handle having even one black neighbor. So people and businesses moved out, local governments ignored infrastructure of those areas (or purposefully simply just built freeways straight through them), and constantly sent the police in to hassle innocent people just trying to live their fucking lives. Systemic racism (and racists!) segregated the races in a fairly efficient manner. So when a black criminal looks for a victim in their neighborhood, of course they're going to almost certainly find a black victim! That's simply crime, not black on black crime. Maybe I would think differently if anybody ever at any time in any of these debates brought up white on white crime. Y'all realize that's the most prevalent crime there is, right? Which means whites are the biggest criminals of all. If you're, you know, going to argue that way, you stupid racist asshole. Plus saying black on black crime is just a way for people to intimate that most crime is caused by black people. "Even though they keep criming us whites, they still have time to crime up their own people!" This comic book taught me that South African police would use purple dye in water cannons to stain people during protests so that they can be identified later as people who participated in the riot that totally didn't erupt later due to the police being overly aggressive and also racist. Wolfman says people "affectionately" called it Purple Rain which led me down a rabbit hole to figure out which came first, the racist ploy to arrest as many people as possible or the Prince album. Apparently the dyed water was named after the Prince album. That's probably why it was an "affectionate" sobriquet.

I'm a little bit worried that Wolfman is about to "both sides" Apartheid.

Starfire winds up with the South African police who tell her all about how terrible South African blacks are and how she's going to get a medal for helping quell the protest. They also call the woman who burned to death a bitch so I'm getting the feeling that they're not really interested in any kind of justice or peace. It's quite possible that — hear me out on this — they just want to oppress the black citizens and make sure they know their place. But I don't want to jump to conclusions! I should wait until I hear their arguments in a frank and logical debate. "Please, white South Africans, explain to me how South Africa needs your violent tactics and racist attitudes to maintain peace and order. Also explain how peace and order aren't different from justice for everybody. I might be convinced to stop calling you racist if you debate well!"

This guy doesn't realize how true it is that he's teaching these black South Africans how to behave.

It would have been easy to read this, at one time, from a privileged position as a citizen of America and think that the white South Africans in this story were caricatures of racist monsters, playing up their terrible qualities to get the reader to sympathize with the plight of the black South Africans. But these caricatures of despicable and horrible systemic racism using tactics to dehumanize a segment of the population are absolute mirrors of Trump and his deplorables. "They're animals." "They're not like us." "They do not think." "They are like children." "They fight amongst themselves." "We are just securing the peace." "This is God's country." "They need to be taught how to behave." "Their flagrant disregard for the law must be stopped." And all of these statements are simply excuses to treat certain people as less than human. "They get what they deserve." I'm so fucking disappointed in so many Americans right now. Starfire is completely confused by everything she's seeing. In her confusion, some journalists get her to sort of say she's for Apartheid. Uh oh! The Teen Titans are going to get worse press than when they destroyed New York City while arguing with their parents about their curfew.

Starfire's response is me on Twitter every fucking day.

The South African leader, Racist McRacisthole, tells Starfire not to worry about the journalists because they're always asking terrible questions and lying about how awful everything is. But Starfire is all, "Just because I have big hair and big tits and my ass is hanging out, don't think I'm a fucking idiot! Not that I'm trying to say people who look like that are idiots! But I know terrible people like you, Mr. Racisthole, think like that! So I just want you to know that I see you! I see what you're doing and how you're trying to snow me with all this fucking dehumanizing garbage! You remind me of the Gordanians!" Then Starfire gets so angry and delivers such a passionate speech that her nose falls off.

"I'b not gobing do libben do yub liebs aby lobber!"

Starfire declares she never cared for politics and tells Governor Racisthole that she's leaving. But instead of going, "Good! Stop interfering with our terrible government!", he says, "I won't let you leave which will probably cause you to stay and help the oppressed!" Starfire hears a prisoner screaming in pain before she leaves and decides to stick around to help him. While doing so, she realizes that maybe she show these government officials real power! No, I don't mean she's going to flash her tits. Jesus. Some of you comic book nerds just don't stop, do you?! Sure, DC panders to your boners by putting Starfire in her underwear. But you do have the choice to stop being such creepy little fucks, you know?

Imagine reading this and instead of thinking, "You tell 'em, Starfire! Way to go!", you think, "Virtue signaler."

Starfire has some more thoughts from 1986 for us here in 2019. She just won't stop!

Virtue signaler!

I swear the rest of this commentary can just be scans of Starfire saying important shit.

I mean, if this 1986 comic book is an example of older comics that Comicsgaters want to go back to, I'm fucking up for that shit.

In the next panel that I'm not going to scan because I'll never finish reading this comic book if I scan every fucking panel, Starfire says, "Unwittingly, my father helped ruin our world by caving in to our enemies rather than fighting for what was right. I won't do that here on Earth. I've got to care." I should probably send that panel to Nancy Pelosi. Starfire frees all of the political prisoners and escorts them back to where they're forced to live outside the city. She tries to figure out what Apartheid means and Father Nelson Mandutu, the rebel leader the police have been searching for, tells her, "Ah, I see — you are trying to make sense of madness." It's as good a reason to dismiss people always pressing you to debate their terrible ideas and worthless topics. How can you win a debate against twisted logic and racist madness? Just ignore them when they call you a coward or an elitist when you refuse to debate. I was always taught that the best way to get shit off of your shoe is to scrape it off, not to get in an argument with it. Starfire follows Mandutu around for the day except for the one moment when he's kidnapped. When she goes to rescue him, she destroys an armory and discovers that Father Mandutu has been killed. BY HER! And there are cameras rolling! Totally not suspicious or anything! I bet we discover she was framed next issue! That's the kind of intelligent speculation you get from a Grandmaster Comic Book Reader like me. I can't be fooled even by the most subtle of plot twists! Teen Titans Spotlight #1: Starfire Rating: A. I should probably apologize to Marv Wolfman for all the insults I've made about his Teen Titans books. This was a well-written infotainment issue putting precisely the right character at the heart of an international travesty. And I thought a story about Apartheid was going to be boring! It's almost as if I forgot that every panel would have tons of side boob! Oh no! I just realized I'm one of those creepy little fucks!

#Teen Titans #Teen Titans Spotlight #Starfire #DC #DC Comics

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hirazuki · 6 years ago

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I’m going to try and summarize what bothers me about VLD from as objective a standpoint as possible. A lot of people, including myself, have already made posts pointing out specific issues, especially with regards to the messages it sends to abuse victims, so I’m not going to touch on that or any type of emotional issues here at all. I’m going to skip specifics except where needed as examples, and just talk about the nature of story telling itself. As someone who not only has used fiction for escapism, but who has studied story telling both in terms of literary analysis of novels and of religious texts, it’s a subject that I feel very strongly about.

Warning: long ass post.

Okay, a couple of disclaimers first.

One, I am a firm believer in the “don’t like, don’t read” mentality. If I don’t like something, I don’t talk about it, I just move on. Y’all have never seen a single discourse post about The Dragon Prince, right? Yup, that’s ‘cause I really didn’t like it. It goes for countless other things too. I don’t expend time and effort and energy on things I don’t like, that’s just wasteful. So, why am I harping on VLD? Because I really enjoyed it, despite a couple of what I felt were minor issues at the time, for most of its run. That’s why I -- and I imagine the same goes for many other fans -- am so bitter.

Two, I came late into the Voltron universe. I joined in a couple of days before s6 dropped, and only watched DotU as well as the other Western versions in the past couple of months. Haven’t had a chance to see the original Japanese anime yet.

Three, I’m not a shipper, in general. I don’t ship anything in VLD except Zarkon/Honerva. Romance/sexual stuff is just not my thing, I’ll take swords and explosions any day over that. So my saltiness regarding the series has nothing to do with ships.

Alright, so I think my major gripes with the series can be sorted into three categories:

1. Inconsistency of Story Type:

This is, of course, my own opinion, but through my time of consuming fiction, I think there are three types of stories:

Good vs. Evil: the most basic type of story. The good guys are good, the bad guys are bad, and everyone stays well in their lanes. Think Disney movies, typical Saturday morning cartoons -- the heroes are exemplary of good traits, the villains are one-dimensional and unrepentant, evil for the sake of being evil. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this story type imo, and there are several stories of this nature that I really do enjoy.

Grey Morality: a much more nuanced take on the concepts of good and evil, right and wrong. Due to the very nature of grey morality, there are varying degrees to which this can be implemented. Probably the most common one I’ve seen is where the heroes do some bad/questionable things, the villains/antagonists do some good things or have the right motives or are “noble” in some way; but overall, there is a sense that there are certain lines that shouldn’t be crossed, certainly by the heroes but also sometimes by the villains/antagonists too. An excellent example of this is Firefly. Another example, that puts a total twist on it by having the protagonist also be the “villain,” is Death Note -- even though the story resolves in a way that to the audience is, really, the only sustainable way possible, it still leaves neither the characters in-show nor the audience with any sense of victory. This concept is taken to the extreme by a series like Tenpou Ibun: Ayakashi Ayashi, where no one is right and no one is wrong, but at the same time everyone is right and wrong, and simply just human. There is no good and no evil, just context, circumstances, and choices.

Combination: this type of story starts with the Good vs. Evil dichotomy but, as the story progresses and the protagonist becomes more acquainted and involved with their environment, both the protagonist and the audience come to understand that the picture is actually much more complicated than that, and it evolves into Grey Morality. Bleach is a great example. We start with seeing the Hollow as evil, mindless monsters that need to be killed; we learn that they are actually human spirits that have transformed into “monsters” through pain and grief and, therefore, we pity them but also understand that it’s a mercy to put them down; we then find out that, actually, not all are mindless and they have a complicated society and culture of their own; and, eventually, come to accept them as (reluctant) allies against a bigger threat, understanding that they are creatures in their own right.

From the moment that Keith -- arguably the character within the main cast that had the most time/character development spent on him -- was revealed as being half-Galra (that is, half the “evil” race of the show), VLD promised to be that third type of story. Because there is no way that the writers would make one of their protagonists evil by default because of his blood in a kids’ show, duh, so by logical conclusion this means that that race is not all evil, after all. This was further emphasized by Lotor’s introduction to the plot -- a severe departure from his character in any previous incarnation -- and cemented by the episode, “The Legend Begins,” where we finally get to see the other side of things and the fact that not even Zarkon and Haggar were “born evil,” as well.

After the Keith reveal, we got shocked reactions from his teammates, notably and understandably Allura; got only an apology from her and not the rest for their treatment of him (which could have been better but, whatever, it was a step in the right direction, great!); and then... back to a weird strained relationship in working alongside Galra without another word on the subject.

Okay. Fine.

Then we get Lotor -- again, some of that initial resentment/treatment could be understandable to some extent, and eventually on the road towards, seemingly, genuine acceptance. Cool.

I won’t go into details about the colony episode, because that’s been done to death already, but, woah, major setback there. Back to the knee-jerk reaction of treating individuals of a race as complicit and responsible for the actions and perception of that race as perpetuated by a handful of individuals. And then -- flash forward to s8 -- we are welcoming Galra allies in our cause! Please join our Coalition! We want to help you!

Look. I’m not saying that you can’t retcon stuff; that you can’t go Good vs. Evil, develop into Grey Morality, and then reveal something and BOOM, jk, it was Good vs. Evil all along, gotcha! I’m sure that there is an author somewhere out there that has pulled that off effectively (I can’t think of any examples myself right now, but I’m sure it must exist somewhere).

I am saying that if you’re going to do that -- if you are going to pull the rug out from under everyone’s feet and sacrifice some crucial character development (and crucial characters themselves, let’s be honest) -- you better have a DAMN GOOD IN-UNIVERSE reason for doing so. And no, shock value or getting rid of a character because they were overshadowing the protags doesn’t count. Otherwise, your protagonists will look like giant jerks. Unless, of course, that’s what you’re going for, but I highly doubt that was the thinking here.

And then, we proceed to flip flop between “I knew it, the Galra are irredeemably evil, what’s wrong with these people?!” (I think Hunk -- HUNK, by far the most empathetic character -- said this at some point in s7?) and “Here, we can work together towards a brighter future” or some shit. You can’t do that. I mean you can, but you’re gonna get major backlash from your audience. Pick a fucking direction and stick with it.

For the past three seasons, it has really felt like the story line is being pulled into two different directions: 1) staying true to the original source material of Paladins = good, Galra/Drule = bad, and 2) providing the viewers with a groundbreaking, nuanced interpretation.

My dudes. You can’t have both. Trying to implement both of these approaches means having morally grey, nuanced characters operating within a narrative framework that is subject to an overarching principle of a strict Good/Evil dichotomy. Do you know how fucking hard that is to pull off effectively without diving headfirst into the pitfall of punishing your morally grey characters by default, simply because they happen to exist in a universe that cannot, by nature, support them???? I can think of only a handful of authors that have managed that and, I would argue, that the man at the top of the list only managed to be so effective and influential because what he wrote was, in essence, a mythology. Mythologies have a totally different set of concerns surrounding them. And even then, he went to great lengths, both in his works and outside of them in discussions/interviews, to note that the “evil” in his world could never have happened without it intentionally being part of the larger cosmological design, i.e. balance. I’m talking, of course, about Tolkien.

Why the fuck would you attempt to pull something like this off in a kids’ cartoon?! Avatar: The Last Airbender, since everyone loves that comparison, was defined by a black/white view that developed into a very simple grey morality, and it was this limited scope that allowed it to be presented so effectively. None of this sashaying back and forth.

Especially when this flip flopping is done for le dramatic effect/shock value, with seemingly no good in-story reason?? Of course it’s gonna fall flat.

2. Concept vs. Execution:

This is probably what drives me crazy the most about VLD.

As an idea, it was fucking brilliant -- anyone who has watched DotU, even with all the nostalgia, I imagine, can admit that it was very much a cut and dry 80s cartoon, with simple concerns; Vehicle Voltron attempted some nuances, but the Lion Voltron part of the show, which was by far the more popular part, was pretty stiff in that regard. VLD took that and introduced themes like: being biracial (Keith, Lotor, etc.), having to choose between duty and family (Krolia), having to choose between personal dreams and important relationships (Shiro), having to overcome deep-seated understandable prejudice and work with people you never thought you could come to stand for a greater cause and through that see that not everything is black and white and attain a greater understanding of the world (Allura), leaving home and learning to survive in a totally foreign environment in the worst circumstances possible (the paladins), dealing with disability, mental illness/ptsd while also dealing with issues of being in a position of leadership/power (Shiro), parental abuse (Lotor), substance abuse (Honerva and Zarkon), being a clone and coming to terms with that (Shiro/Kuron), learning to compromise and sacrifice personal integrity/morals for the betterment/survival of those you have made yourself responsible for (the paladins), and so much more than that. Lotor’s relationship with Honerva/Haggar had serious undertones of both Mother and Child symbolism, as well as Arthurian legend. The whole quintessence thing drew pointers from ancient and medieval concepts of alchemy.

The inclusion of any of these things, injected into a pretty straightforward and tame original source material like DotU, was inspired. What an absolutely fantastic take, with incredible potential.

... and it was the shoddiest, shittiest implementation and execution of any concepts that I have ever seen. Like... how? How did they manage to not be able to successfully see any of these themes to a close, and to actually offend the vast majority of their fanbase (regardless of background, age, race, sexuality, literally from all walks of life) by the way these themes were handled????

I’m sure time restraints, direction from above, etc., played a big part in it, but still. If you don’t have time to properly develop the interpersonal relationships between the core members of your main group of characters -- to the point that, say, Keith and Pidge? Hunk and Shiro? Did they ever properly, truly have any meaningful interactions? -- there’s no way you could properly handle all of this.

Don’t bite off more than you can chew.

Also? As stories are being fleshed out, they and their characters tend to take on a life of their own. The Lotor/Keith parallels? I totally believe and understand how it’s possible that it was unintentional. But when that happens, you go back and rework the rest of your plot to make sense with what you now have before you. You adjust and adapt. You don’t barrel on ahead headless and not acknowledging it, and you don’t force your characters into straitjackets just because you want to doggedly follow this one idea.

3. The Female Lead:

Let me begin by saying that I really, really wanted to like Allura, and the way she was written was one of the biggest turn offs and disappointments for me. I won’t go into specifics regarding her, as there many posts that already address the problematic nature of how she treats people of her race vs. anyone Galra, but I will just look at her character development as a whole.

Perhaps the easiest way for me to voice my frustrations here would be with a comparison. Let’s look at my favorite female protagonist of all time, Nakajima Youko, from Juuni Kokuki (aka. The Twelve Kindgoms).

Youko starts off as a very meek high school girl, from a typical modern Japanese family. Class representative, top grades, is scared of conflict and wants to live up to everyone’s expectations of her, which makes her very submissive, a total coward emotionally, mentally, and physically. She seeks to please everyone and, as a result, harms her own development by never giving any thought to her own desires and ends up bullied by everyone around her. Magic happens, shit goes down, and she is whisked away to a different world that is parallel to our own, along with two friends from school; ripped from her home, her family, with absolutely no way back. This other world has a different language, people who end up in there from our world are treated like garbage and are slaves, has a medieval level of tech/advancement, and Youko with her friends has to figure out how to survive. She finds out she is actually queen of one of the realms in this world, which makes her a target of various groups. She is betrayed by literally everyone around her, everyone she places her trust in, including the two friends that got transported to this world with her.

She goes from meek and mild to bloodthirsty and brash; lashing out at everyone around her, plotting to kill those that offer her a helping hand, becoming unreasonably suspicious and racist and way out of line. Understandably so, but the narrative doesn’t, for one moment, present this as okay. Some more stuff happens and she finally snaps out of it, comes to a couple of realizations, and has major character development. She develops the attitude that, yes, people have betrayed and hurt her, but their actions towards her and their opinion of her is none of her business. It will not stop her from acting in ways that are in line with her own morals; if people choose to betray and use her, that’s on them. She will simply do what she must, and treat everyone as an individual according to their actions. This doesn’t mean that she adopts a pushover mentality -- it just means that she loses her knee-jerk reaction, and doesn’t rush to conclusions. She becomes a badass warrior and queen, strong and just, and, frankly, one of the most well-developed female characters I have ever seen.

Do I think this is the only way to write a strong female character? Of course not. But I’m convinced this is what the writers wanted to do with Allura, this kind of progression and path, from being angry, lost, and alone to being a confident, capable, magnificent ruler. And, imo, they totally missed the mark.

I think that the writers were so focused on giving us a “strong” modern female character, and getting as far away from her DotU damsel in distress depiction as possible, that they ended up writing her as, basically, a bully. Sure, they tell us -- both through other characters’ words in the show and through interviews -- about her diplomacy, peaceful nature, leadership quality, open-mindedness, etc., but they never show it to us. In almost every key moment in the series, she has been written to be combative and suffering from tunnel-vision.

And a huge part of this is that they simply didn’t give her any room to grow. Youko’s character started off at maybe... 5% of her potential? She was honestly so “weak,” I thought about dropping the series. But by the point the anime ended (because the story itself is unfinished and unlikely to continue, unfortunately), I’d say she’s at around 70%. That makes for an extremely dramatic, fulfilling, and believable character development. The VLD writers started Allura off much higher than that. Too high. From the get-go she’s a highly accomplished martial artist, has incredible physical strength due to her Altean heritage, a seemingly natural affinity for leadership and for appealing to people, she’s very attractive, well spoken, had a loving and supportive family, is a princess, had a brilliant alchemist for a father, has access to the universe’s greatest super weapon -- I mean, yes, she’s had to deal with immense loss and grief and come to terms with it in a very short period of time, and lost her father a second time so to speak with Alfor’s AI -- but overall, everything has been set up and handed to her in a nice package. Other than overcoming her hatred towards the Galra and idealization of Altea/Alteans, really, there’s nothing left for her to do that would be defining for her character.

That’s not to say that characters that are extremely accomplished from the start are a bad thing. But in their case, their emotional and mental development and maturity is that much more important, because that’s all that’s left to work with. The writers didn’t really give Allura any significant room to grow in terms of any of that. (And no, I don’t consider her new alchemical powers from Oriande as her growing; she expended no effort for that, it wasn’t really a trial at all for her; it was like me playing a video game on casual mode with the “killallenemies” console command enabled). Her overcoming her racism towards the Galra, beginning with Keith and BoM and continuing to do so with subsequent Galra allies, had a TON of potential and I had been so excited to see where it would go; but that fell flat, totally forgotten by the story.

In contrast, you have Lotor -- we see him struggling to claw his way out of the hand that fate has dealt him, to grow beyond his family’s influence and abuse. Both on and off screen, even described by his own enemies in great detail, we see just how much he has had to fight and to earn everything he has and he is, even things that shouldn’t have to be “earned” in the first place. He’s lost Daibazaal and Altea, both his father and his mother, he’s too Galra for anyone who’s not and not nearly enough Galra for anyone who is. Literally nothing has been handed to him. The juxtaposition between him and Allura, had Allura been given more breathing room by the writers, could have been fantastic and I would have shipped the hell out of it, like I do in DotU. She’s had everything he’s ever wanted (loving family, supportive father, Alfor himself, exploration, alchemy), etc.; envy would have been extremely appropriate on his part, and very interesting to work through, but that was never explored either.

So, I feel like what ended up happening was that a huge imbalance in how these two characters came across was created, made only more evident when their relationship with each other was what was front and center. And, at least for me, this is what makes me completely unable to see Allura’s side of things, and I freely admit it -- I simply don’t understand her or her actions, because I don’t feel like I’ve been shown enough of her inner workings as a character to be able to care about her in the slightest. I can definitely see where the writers were going with her, or where they thought they were going. But unless they actually meant for the character that is, for all intents and purposes, their female lead to be a racist, abusive, immature person playing at being an adult and at being the leader of a coalition spanning galaxies, who has no problem condemning millions of lives to death and devastation at a whim of her emotions because they are Valid™, and who wades dangerously close to “Mary Sue” territory many times due the way the narrative frames her... then all I see on screen is an unfinished character. Unfinished, because the writers didn’t take any opportunities in the narrative for the flaws and issues she does have to be addressed and overcome, opportunities of which there were plenty! I absolutely don’t mind that she has flaws -- flawed heroes are amazing. But, you gotta do something about them, i.e. address them and work through them. Otherwise your heroes remain static in a plot that is evolving and that’s not a good look.

And, you know, I honestly think DotU Allura is a much stronger female character. She works for everything she gets. She works her ass off. She has to fight to not only be allowed to be part of the team and fly a lion, but even just to do everyday common things like be out in the fields or swim or whatever; forget practicing martial arts. Coran literally ties her up at one point to prevent her from participating. Nanny is a constant battle for her. Over everything, from her clothes to her manner of speaking to where she’s going. But she doesn’t stop, she doesn’t give up. And she fucks up, BIG TIME, several times, she does TONS of stupid shit. But she learns, acknowledges it, gets called out on it, tries again, and keeps on trying. DotU Allura’s biggest battles, in my mind, aren’t with Lotor or the Drule forces or Zarkon, but with her own team and those she considers family, and her struggle for the others’ acceptance of herself and her skills within the group. And for that, she is a much stronger, more solid female character than VLD Allura, despite all superficial appearances and frilly pink dresses and 80s voice acting.

Again, like I said in a previous post, I don’t conform to the view that creators owe their fans anything. Write things however the fuck you want. You want to kill Allura off, fine. Do away with Lotor too? Cool. I completely understand people who want happy endings in fiction because, it’s true, reality fucking sucks; there are several fictional works I turn to whenever real life is too much. And I would be lying if I said that I don’t crave stories where characters like Lotor are given happy endings; of course I want my favorite characters to be okay. But overall, I’m the type of person who, as long as things make for an effective, compelling narrative, I’ll be content with it, regardless of whether the ending is tragic or happy or anything in between.

So you want to kill off your morally grey character and your female lead, who is also one of the only women on the team, who is also a princess figure, who has also been completely visually redesigned in such a way that you know women of color will relate to her? That’s fine by me, go right ahead. But do so in a way that is meaningful and makes sense within the larger narrative you created, and isn’t some empty, sensationalist gesture.

And also be aware of your fanbase. This is a reboot -- that comes with certain expectations attached, as a number of the viewers will very likely be fans of the old series, watching out of curiosity, nostalgia, etc. Expectations like, the princess lives, the heroes aren’t assholes, etc. (and I’m referring to expectations from DotU and other Western iterations, rather than the original Japanese series). You don’t have to conform to these expectations -- personally, I’m a big fan of tropes being subverted -- but you need to be aware of them. You need to know the rules before you break them, and if you break them, you better break them damn well.

Imo, VLD ultimately failed to deliver on these fronts, and pretty much fell prey to what a lot of series do -- it couldn’t handle the shift from being primarily episodic in nature (i.e., each episode is self-contained, with a clear beginning, middle, and end, while operating under a distant general goal, like defeating Zarkon; so, s1 and s2) to becoming a more complex narrative unraveling a hidden agenda (s3 onwards). Kind of like how the paladins made no provisions for how they would handle things after Zarkon’s defeat, it feels like the writers didn’t really have one solid plan for how to develop past that point as well.

tl;dr: Whoever is responsible for the way VLD turned out should write a book: how to offend your entire audience in eight seasons or less.

#okay i think this is my last personal post on the matter #i think i've vented about everything that's been bugging me for the past couple of seasons #i'll still reblog and comment on things i find interesting #but i'm gonna focus my energy on constructive stuff #like plucking the hairline of lotor's wig and writing fanfic :)#talk: v

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jadekitty777 · 6 years ago

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Sun Wukong, Mercury Black, and Ruby Rose for the character ask thing?

Sun Wukong

(Definitely not the blond-haired, blue-eyed guy I was expecting to beasked about, but let’s get right to it!)

· Favorite thingabout them: His general attitude. I’ve always got a soft-spot for optimisticcharacters like Sun, and his upbeat, laid-back nature can really bring a lot ofhumor and cheer to a scene. He’s also got a really kind heart. On a shallowernote, the casual way he uses his tail for like, everything.

· Least favoritething about them: Dude. Stop leaving your team behind. Seriously.

· Favorite line: “Pff that’sdumb! You should always get friends involved!” Has always been a big favorite.Also, not a line, but his tiny squeal when he realizes where Blake lives isjust fucking precious.

· brOTP: Definitely hisfriendship with Neptune is one of the most entertaining in the whole show. Theyhave that kind of buddy-buddy ‘I’ve always got your back’ relationship that I’malways a big fan of.

· OTP: So, when itcomes to shipping characters, they generally have to be pretty high up on myfavorites list for it to really be something I invest time thinking about. Sunreally isn’t that high on said list – but, for just a passing answer - Blake/Sunor Neptune/Sun are both kind of cute. I also rather like the potential Yang/Sun/Blakehas.

· nOTP: So, mind youthere is no hate to this but, some people ship Ruby and Sun together; that onehas always been a little weird to me. It’s always been a ‘What, why?’ kind ofresponse when I see it.

· Randomheadcanon: True to his Vacuo nature,Sun likes to do little, harmless crimes just to see what he can get awaywith, Stowing away on boats is his favorite. He never does anything with theintent to harm; mostly he just wants to give everyone a story to tell.

· Unpopularopinion: Him going after Blake in Volume 4 was fine. I’ve seen lots ofarguments claiming he was being a stalker, but I feel the context is oftendanced over – he was trailing her not because he was trying to be a creep, butbecause he assumed that she was going after the White Fang and knew she couldn’tfight them all off alone. His assumption just happened to be wrong, but theintentions of his actions was noble.

· Song Iassociate with them: Honestly I have no talent for this kind of thing so I’ll justpick something random: “Stickerbrush Symphony” from the Donkey Kong Countryseries, particularly the SSBrawl version

· Favoritepicture of them:

What can I say. I’m a sucker for sunset background with sexy,smirking blonds in the forefront.

Mercury Black(The emo boy of Team Salem)

· Favorite thingabout them: Honestly, I’m going all shallow for this, but I like his hair. He’sa total pretty-boy. His snark is a close second though.

· Least favoritething about them: It fits his character but, that sometimes his snark turns intobrattiness and that can get kind of annoying (but it works well if people pointit out). He’ll go from being clever to sounding or acting like a 5-year old.

· Favorite line: “Oh Doc, tellme! Will I ever walk again?” Got to love the fake melodrama and the linedelivery on this one.

· brOTP: I rather likehis and Emerald’s friendship – even if it is a rollercoaster at times. I kindof feel they have this sort of brother-sister relationship going on. Not wherethey are actually sibling-like, but more so where Mercury plays the role of asnooty older brother who just tries to do anything to get on Emerald’s nerves.

· OTP: Eh, definitely don’thave one for him.

· nOTP: Yang and him. Idon’t really know why, but that one is just a lot of nopenopenope for me.

· Randomheadcanon: Mercury is not a strong reader and knows almost none of Remnant’sfamous fables. When Emerald and Cinder found him, he actually couldn’t read atall. His father was obsessed with keeping his son weaker than him in every possibleway – from fighting skills to his intelligence – and thus never invested timein teaching him his basic education. Mercury now can read enough to get by, butthe more complicated the words, the more he actually struggles with it. Anythinghe knows now Cinder and Emerald taught to him during their travels together.

· Unpopularopinion: Overall, I know he’s actually a huge favorite in the fandom,but Mercury is extremely low on my personal list. Not in the hated category oranything, I just really don’t care much for him one way or another. Writing outthis is actually the most attention I’ve ever given to his character.

· Song Iassociate with them: Another random choice, but “I am Machine” from Three Days Grace seemsa fairly solid choice. Particularly the lines ‘I wish I knew what it was like,to care about what’s right and wrong’ and ‘I don’t like what I’m becoming, Iwish I could just feel something’.

· Favoritepicture of them:

I’m sure this is rather a weird choice, but I like this shot overall for the companionship and somewhatprotectiveness Mercury shows here.

Ruby Rose(The precious child we all want to protect but don’t need to ‘cause she’ll kickeveryone’s ass)

· Favorite thingabout them: Ruby is actually a high favorite for me, so there’s tons of thingsabout her I love. From her fashion, to her skill with her weapon, to hersemblance, to her connections with people, to her attitude, there’s a ton toadore.

· Least favoritething about them: RUBY. SEND A LETTER TO YOUR DAD ALREADY. FOR MAIDEN’S SAKE, HE’SGONNA HAVE A HEART ATTACK. (Also, still not really into that speech she gave toQrow in Vol 6, Chp. 9… but the one following it in chp.10 was WORLD’S better andtotally made up for it)

· Favorite line: I have to pickjust one!? Well. I will always adore her little cheer of: “You came back!” whenWeiss returns to be her partner. Also, not a line, but the high-five she andWeiss share over their combat skirts.

· brOTP: … Everyone? Caneveryone be a choice? Okay, no, it can’t. But some big favorites are her andWeiss, Yang, Jaune, Penny, and Oscar.

· OTP: Speaking ofOscar… Yeah, definitely in the Rosegarden club. I was fond of Ice Flower onceupon a time, and still find her and Weiss cute, but if there’s any ship of Rubythat I’ll invest time in, it’s unquestionably one with Oscar. More so when theyget older though (and maybe if the war ends and Ozma is finally allowed to passon) – not because of age of anything, but simply because Ruby doesn’t seemsuper interested in any romantic pursuits right now.

· nOTP: ON THE SAMETOKEN, HER AND OZPIN IS A BIG NO-NO-NO AND I SEE SO MUCH FANFICTION OF THIS? Imean, okay y’all do what ya want, fanfiction doesn’t hurt anyone in the end.But for me personally it’s just too gross to consider.

· Randomheadcanon: I’ve talked about this one before, but Ruby hates Raven.Probably more than she hates anyone, even Cinder, simply because despite havinghad no physical presence in her life, Raven’s still managed to ruin so much init. She had to grow up and watch arguments unfold between her dad and hersister, with Qrow sometimes ganging up on Tai with her if he was drunk enough, wheneverYang would try and dig for more information. It was equally painful for her tosee Yang burning herself out because of her one-track minded pursuit oversomeone who couldn’t bother to love her like a mother should have. Sometimes,when Ruby is standing in front of Summer’s grave, she’ll tell her that eventhough she’s proud of what a great huntress she was she sometimes wishes she hadn’tbeen one at all, because if she was there, maybe Yang wouldn’t feel like shewas missing something (and, on worse days, Ruby would add “Or me either.”).

· Unpopularopinion: I really don’t think Ruby is as weak of a protagonist aseveryone makes her out to be. I’ve heard the complaints, and while thearguments sometimes have merit, in general I think she’s fairly well rounded.Did some of her attention get shafted the past few volumes? Yeah, at times. ButI’ve still never found myself disliking her.

· Song Iassociate with them: Red like Roses?! Okay that’s cheating. How about “The Rose”(Westlife’s version), because I can certainly draw comparisons to every lineabout a character that would fit and Ruby being the central figure – the ‘seedof love’ that was so simple yet so impacting to those more bitter or hurtaround her and, in turn, found solace in knowing her.

· Favoritepicture of them: Ruby has so many good ones that again it’s hard to choose butfor right now:

“Bitch, youthought.”

#rwby #ruby rose #mercury black #sun wukong

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lay4decolonisation-blog · 5 years ago

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She-Ra: Princesses of Power (2018) and the Representation that I Want

**CONTENT WARNING: ABUSE, VIOLENCE**

When I heard She-Ra was back and GAY, I had to jump straight or not so straight into it. The amazing characterisation and themes of the show fit the modern audience perfectly. She-Ra: Princesses of Power (SPOP) did what Voltron: Legendary Defender wish it did. RIP.

The SPOP series was written by Noelle Stevenson, and produced by Dreamworks. Season 1 aired on the 13th November 2018 via Netflix.

There’s two things I want to discuss, so I’ll split this up into sections: visual character design & complex characterisation.

Visual Character Design

80’s She-Ra

2018 She-Ra

She-Ra is the hero alter ego of Princess Adora, who transforms when she calls forth “For the Honour of Grayskull!” with The Sword of Protection.

When I saw the visuals for the series and the new outfit for She-Ra I nearly screamed. It was perfect. I will always prefer Marvel cinematic movie adaptations on the basis that women wear full body armour, and not a skirt. So it was natural for me to fall in love with the shorts, flowy skirt, useful boots and 80’s influenced shoulder flares on She-Ra’s new threads.

She looked PRACTICAL, and totally badass. I see no male gaze in the update. She-Ra isn’t wearing heels, or red lipstick, her dress doesn’t look like it’s about to give her a nip slip, and her hair still flows like golden threads in the wind!

Notice how I just used the ‘Male Gaze’. The Male Gaze is essentially a patriarchal control of representation of women and/or other genders in media, and can be applicable to historical documentation (Mulvey 1989). Ponterotto (2016) describes it expands on the media’s control of feminine bodies as:

“The invisibility of women has been accompanied in an extraordinarily inversely proportionate manner by the visual display of her physical appearance, of her body as material object, to be observed, judged, valued, appreciated, rejected, modified and essentially commodified, for socially-constructed purposes. From a feminist point of view, this purpose can be claimed to be essentially male pleasure, concomitant social benchmarking and commercial profit.” (134)

From the ‘controversy’ from predominantly male audiences on the release of She-Ra’s costume it’s obvious that it’s doing its job (Lenton 2018); with men reacting with things like:

“The character designs for this show are god awful. She-Ra looks too much like a man.” MECCA_Studios @ twitter

“if you're trying to make your girls look like boys for your show then you are not actually fighting for equality you're proving that men is the superior gender and taken more seriously than a beautiful women, you're only helping sexism not fighting it” - iamconsumer @ twitter

I wanna acknowledge this was mainly white, cishet males reacting to a show that is predominantly AIMED AT YOUNG GIRLS. SPOP’s visual design of She-Ra was so key in getting this show right. She is a woman icon for young girls growing up and seeing her on screen wearing a non-sexual costume whilst being feminine, strong and beautiful will mean something for them growing up. Women/Feminine peoples can look at the screen and say “I’m She-Ra!” and not have to feel like they have to look good for male gaze to do that.

People Of Colour (POC) Representation

Bow, Mermista, Frosta, Netossa and Catra’s - along with ethnically ambiguous characters - redesign was kind of glossed over with the amount of objections about the Queer and Feminist arguments going around.

So here’s some of my babies:

Bow 80s

Bow 2018

Mermista 80s

Mermista 2018

Catra 80s

Catra 2018

Frosta 80s

Frosta 2018

Bow stood out to me alot because I empathize alot for my dark skinned brother’s who don’t have any or many examples of good representation on screen that explores queer identity, gender performativity, body image and positive masculinity that is casual and fun. (I speak of course from an Indigenous background, but a lot of my community look at the African-American community on TV for dark bodies representation.) Imagine a young dark skinned boy watching Bow being fun loving, supportive, gentle, obsessed with crop tops, hanging out with girls and embodying positive masculinity, then using as a mold to treat their sisters, mums and cousins. Incredible.

SPOP centers ethnic looking characters amazingly with their characterisation. Having POC on screens breaks out of normalizing whiteness, and de-centers it as the default way of being (Scharrer & Ramasubramanian 2015). People might argue that fantasy worlds don’t overlap with real worlds because race mightn’t exist in the fantasy world, but when you’re a ethnic kid growing up watching/ reading white bodies being superheroes and warriors and People of Colour don’t exist you have no representation, or worse POC are negatively stereotyped. Representation is IMPORTANT. Representation is the ability to control the way the world perceives a group of people, or yourself - white people often struggle understanding this because whiteness as an identity is invisible by normalization (hooks 1992, Dyer 1997). It can be compared to men as ungendered compared to women, or non-cis and queer people with heteronormativity. So it can only be visible when colour is involved, and depending on whether it’s good or bad POC representation it can create racial stereotypes (Brigham 1971, Nosek 2007).

LGBTQIA+ Visual Representation

I feel like you can find a lot of this, but not any by me!

I will start with Scorpia cause she’s such a dear.

JUST LOOK AT HER.

Everyone is screaming ‘butch lesbian’ little to know that she is a total femme (anyone can fight me on this). Her open attraction towards Catra was loud, unapologetic and was super ultra normal. Despite her giant crab claws, I just want her to hold me gently. I think it’s another good example of different body types. Like it’s not just an exterior what makes a woman a woman or a good person a good person. Before I die of thirst, let’s move on to my Bow’s dads.

OH MY GAWD. Bow resembles Lance and George so much. Like the perfect little mix between their two personalities UGH. Both very different individuals who share a common obsession with history. Two gay Black dudes just be out here owning the biggest collection of ancient artifacts, studying the classics and raising 13 kids like wojefdikewajfaij

Lance out here rocking dreads and the glasses with sandals *bathump* and George with his little moustache and fancy hair. They go on like a normal couple picking on one another and knowing each other’s personalities, caring about their son and reflecting on their parenting when they realize they messed up instead of blaming their kid for not understanding them okmfoerngfa

Sorry, my heart nearly went into cardiac arrest thinking about them.

I won’t miss the exceptional drop of them telling Bow their disappointed that he had to hide a part of himself because he was afraid of what they’d think of him or do. I remember that feeling….*glances at my physical wooden closet*

SPINNERELLA AND NETOSSA.

Netossa is the only character (I’m pretty sure) who was originally dark skinned in the 80s She Ra - she also had no powers.

Now rocking up with powers and gf, she is out here living her best life. Look at them. Just look at my babies. They swapped chokers, like wow, what a lesbian power move. Plus sized, buff queer women rocking their femininity being loyal and totally badass. Their actual appearances on screen are limited but impactful as they are seen as people seem to question more what the heck they do in the Rebellion rather than their queer relationship.

Complex Characterisation

Let’s start with Shadow Weaver’s relationship with Catra and Adora.

Starting off at Mystacor as Light Spinner, she a teacher and getting one of her students, Micah, to perform a spell that conjured evil magic - The Spell of Obtainment - ultimately decided her path as Shadow Weaver. She became an abusive, manipulative and self righteous authoritative figure to Catra and Adora.

Shadow Weaver is an abuser. Abuse works differently in each situation but is defined by White Ribbon Australia in categories of: Physical, Financial, Emotional, Verbal, Social, Sexual, Stalking, Spiritual, Image based, Dowry and Elderly Abuse.

The emotional, verbal, social and I’m going to add economical (instead for Financial) abuse she inflicted on Adora and Catra made them stick together as companions through the hardships. Adora upon realizing the Horde’s actions and motives rejects and calls out Shadow Weaver’s abuse. Catra, on the other hand, looks for something like approval from Shadow Weaver. Catra grew up neglected and constantly compared to Adora in her duties to the Horde by Shadow Weaver, so when Adora left a shift happened in Catra. Adora was her main source of comfort and sense of safety in Shadow Weaver’s irract attitude towards her. Adora was her constant feeling of affection and comfort, when she went against the very codes that kept them together their entire lives - Catra was betrayed. Finally, maybe she could get the parental approval she was seeking from Shadow Weaver she never got when Adora was around. Also looking for validation of her moral that has been cause her actions other than rage and sadness that Adora had left her alone. Catra sort out her Abuser’s approval because that’s the only way she knew how to get validity and self assurance of her identity as a member of the Horde - all she ever knew.

Catra feels alone and like she can’t depend on anyone, and because she knows how that feels she was also able to emotionally manipulate Entrapta into join the Horde. It’s a consistent cycle of isolation that stemmed from one person’s influence.

The thing that differs Adora and Catra, was more Adora being given opportunities to lead and step up where Catra was always on the side. Adora gained leadership skills and an emotional capacity where she was able to trust others and trust herself. This ultimately allowed her to do the right thing and join the Rebellion. Catra on the other hand had to quickly use her head and be more aware of things other than herself which made her falter in the leadership role of Shadow Weaver, but that is her coping mechanism of isolating herself and having to immerse herself with other people and the world to take action.

Adora’s culture shock between the way the Princesses live and the way it was in the Horde only shows how she’s been manipulated through learning the knowledge and behaviours that were enforced on her in the Horde. Princesses aren’t evil. The Horde is evil.

Adora’s role of She Ra has put a lot of pressure on her, and she is fighting her own self.

What happened with Adora was she was specifically chosen because she’s had the experiences she’s had. She knows what it's like in the Horde. How their systems work. What type of people and kids are there. She knows all of that to use to win the war. She’s not gonna break into it, but out of it.

When Adora breaks out of the Horde’s learning, and the truth telling begins the walls will crumble and there will be internal upset. There’s a good and evil battle going on inside of each character. Adora wants to protect her friends and do the right thing, but sometimes those two things aren’t the same thing.

Another character I wanna bring up is Glimmer. Glimmer has been fighting to fight. She’s having to fight a struggle in her internal kingdoms. She’s been trying to tell the truth to the other Kingdoms and unite the Kingdoms so they can beat the Horde and save everything they love. She needed to stand up to her mother, the other Princesses, and herself. She is so damn strong and I love her so much omg.

When Bow went to the ball with Perfuma and she was upset, this was because she was afraid Bow would leave her. She’s been isolated also by her mother into doing Princess things that don’t actually have a big impact, but Bow has been consistent in her life and training to be a leader. When he left her side, she was scared that she was going to be isolated again. She knew it was irrational, but that kind of stuff just happens. Sometimes our feelings don’t always make sense to us at first, and we have to look somewhere else to understand what we’re feeling right then and there. But the besties will prevail.

The other thing I didn’t touch on earlier, but will now is age. The Princesses age from around 11-18 (?). The thing about having young people saving the world is really where we’re at. Kids are rioting in the streets trying to get big corporations led by greedy bastards who want resources and exploit people to stop, and save their entire world - yeah, you know I’m talking about situations like the climate strike. We will learn from our elders mistakes and do it right.

We shouldn’t give up because our parents did. We will be the ones to win, just like Glimmer, Adora, Bow and the gang.

Representation isn’t a debate - it’s a necessity.

Thanks for reading babes.

Reference List

Dyer, Richard. (1997) ‘The Matter of Whiteness’ in White, London: Routledge.

Brigham, John C. "Ethnic stereotypes." Psychological bulletin76.1 (1971): 15.

Nosek, Brian A., et al. "Pervasiveness and correlates of implicit attitudes and stereotypes." European Review of Social Psychology 18.1 (2007): 36-88.

Bell, Hooks. "The oppositional Gaze: Black Female Spectators." Black Looks: Race and Representation (1992): 115-131.

Mulvey, L. (1989). Visual pleasure and narrative cinema. In Visual and other pleasures (pp. 14-26). Palgrave Macmillan, London.

Ponterotto, D. (2016). Resisting the male gaze: feminist responses to the" normatization" of the female body in Western culture. Journal of International Women's Studies, 17(1), 133-151.

Scharrer, E., & Ramasubramanian, S. (2015). Intervening in the media's influence on stereotypes of race and ethnicity: The role of media literacy education. Journal of Social Issues, 71(1), 171-185.

https://www.whiteribbon.org.au/understand-domestic-violence/types-of-abuse/

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friendlyneighborhoodborg · 6 years ago

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Marc Appreciation Week 2019| Day 5: Blush| “An Unchanging Face”

Am I even using the prompt anymore? I wrote this to be the one chapter in which Marc DOESN’T BLUSH.

Also, this might be the longest one. I didn’t pace this very well, and I am unfortunately very wordy. If you haven’t noticed, I tend to use long words and longer sentences.

Disclaimers were on Day 1. For those of you who are confused, this is actually part of a larger story, so... I should probably get the links for that set up.

Chapters:

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

(Don’t ask me how the fiddle this happened it, but it’s ~3700 bloody words. I can’t pace a story to save my life.)

Marc crept silently to the back of the school. Rose was waiting there with a small case.

“Are you sure about this?” he asked her.

“Nope.” She held up a sponge and a bottle of makeup. “Let’s do this.”

He slammed the bathroom door shut behind him, hunched over the toilet, and only barely managed to keep from hurling up his guts.

It had seemed like such a good plan to Marc at first: one that seemed like it might finally resolve his confusion. Look like a girl, and go through the day looking like a girl, and soon enough he’d feel like it. Rose had been very thorough with the makeover, extending his coal-black hair to back-length, liberally applying pale foundation, colorful contour, and, most damning of all, dark blush and ruby-red lipstick.

“She” made it halfway through first period before the pressure started to blow.

“I can’t do this,” Marc mumbled in his half-crazy stupor, tugging at the… no, “her” stupor, tugging at “her” extensions in “her” hair. With an effort, he tried to shove “she” into his head, but it was no use. The “he” wouldn’t budge.

He wasn’t a girl, even though he now looked like one.

Rose was wrong. He was wrong. That’s all he was: he was just wrong, and he would never, ever be right.

He bolted out of the stall, grabbed a paper towel and stuck his face in the sink, barely wincing as the water and eyeliner stung his corneas. He attacked the face with the towels: no more lipstick, no more liner, foundation, contour, no more fucking blush! Everything remotely girly needed to get the hell off his damn face now. He scrubbed until his face had turned red, and, with a cry of rage, he ripped the extensions out of his hair.

He couldn’t tell whether the red shade on his eyes was from irritation, force, or anger, but at least they weren’t on some girl’s face. Of course, Marc couldn’t go back to class like this.

Taking a deep breath, he resolved that it was better to do what he had always done.

Ignore the pains, force them down, and keep being normal. No one needed to see his emotions.

He looked once again at himself in the mirror, his face for once devoid of makeup. But it could have been worse.

Five minutes later, once he decided he could go back, he looked at the door and saw that he had stumbled into the boy’s restroom.

Marc sat numbly through the rest of his school day. He’d limped back into first period looking like his usual dour self, and none of his classmates had commented on his earlier freak-out. Mrs. Mendeliev, thankfully showing some decency, didn’t offer punishment.

Marc refused to change his face after that. Better let everything stay inside, where he didn’t have to acknowledge it, so no one could make fun of him for crying. Because, of course, that’s the only thing his emotions would ever let him do at this point.

He could try forever and nothing would work, and he’d be doomed to sit on the fence, torn between the extremes that plagued him.

Nothing worked.

“Dude!” A voice called him out of his stupor. In his fugue state, his day had gone by so quickly that it was already lunchtime. Without noticing, he had drifted into the empty art room, and it looked like Nath’s friend Alix had followed him. “Oh, thank goodness you didn’t kill yourself, man.” It was an odd way to greet an associate, and Marc realized why she used it.

“How much did Rose tell you?”

“Enough to piss me off.” She threw her hat onto a table, grabbed his head by the sides, and surveyed the damage. “You’re not wearing makeup. I take that means it didn’t work.”

“No,” he mumbled voicelessly. “It didn’t.” ‘Nothing ever did,’ he thought, but he kept from saying this out loud, for fear that he might let something else out with it.

“Oh, that just figures,” she steamed. “You should have told us. All of us.”

“I’m sorry.” ‘But it’s not like you could do anything.’

“I’m not angry. I’m just disappointed. Not at you, I mean, you wouldn’t have known.” Alix gripped Marc’s shoulders, gnashing her teeth. “But Rose really should have known better.”

“It’s not Rose’s fault,” he defended, because it was the least he could do for her. “I’m the freak that no one knows what to do with.”

“That may be.” She stormed towards the window, gesturing outside with one hand as she pulled on her hair with the other. “But she’s the one who tries to be too helpful all the time. She won’t take no for an answer if she thinks someone needs her help. And her idea of ‘help’ is maybe a little too optimistic, so the kind she does suggest usually has a very slim chance of working. Basically, I’m sorry you ended up listening to her.”

“What’s the difference!?” he snapped. “Nothing’s ever going to work! I’m not going to fix myself! I can’t be a girl when I’m supposed to be, I don’t even know if I’m supposed to…” He stomped to the center of the room. “I can’t do anything. Look, just give up on me, and Nathaniel can find someone else to finish the comic, and they’ll do a hell of a lot better than me cause at least they won’t fall apart on the first! Fucking! Thing!!!” With that, Marc dropped to the floor in a crouch, facing away from Alix, and dipped his head under his shoulders.

Alix should have just walked away. He was a lost cause, one that didn’t want her pity, and he should’ve just been left alone. Contrary to Alix’s assessment earlier, he didn’t have any intention of killing himself quickly. He’d saved more people unnecessary grief over his sake, and still achieve the end result if he just left instead. He could leave quietly, and it would be like he was never there.

“Rose is right,” Alix said instead. “About one thing.” Marc didn’t move. “Living openly like this shouldn’t be this big damn clusterfuck, but it is, because society hasn’t caught onto the fact that we’re real yet, so we’re screwed over before we know what’s happened to us.”

He didn’t change.

“Because of that, we all find ourselves struggling to find something to smile about. And us kids especially, because now’s the point in our lives where everyone is telling us what we have to be. Sometimes just knowing what you are, and knowing that it’s something real that other people have to go through… sometimes that’s all you can do, and sometimes that’s enough.” She stamped her foot, becoming more worked up. “And she’s got this idea that it’s not something people have to hide, and that they shouldn’t hide it. She’s only right on one of those counts… But not all of us can have a life like hers. LGBT is only four letters, and they’re the only four letters most people know. And some people aren’t as forgiving.”

There was some other story behind Alix’s words. Something in it… almost stirred in Marc. Marc loved stories, usually, but he felt like this was one he shouldn’t touch.

“How many?” asked Marc suddenly, not lifting his head.

Alix waited.

“How many letters are there?”

Alix grimaced. “Too many to count. And only those four get top billing.” She crouched to his level. “Unfortunately, not everything can fit into those categories. Sometimes it’s so much harder to know what you are. But that’s how you have to start, and that’s all you need to do to start. I mean, know who you are.”

“I don’t.”

“Well…” Alix cut to the chase. “Did you ever think to check?”

“Look?” Marc’s head shot up, frustration evident in his furrowed brow. “What do you mean look?”

“You experience dysphoria, Rose told me that much. But not all the time, sometimes you identify as male, female, or something else.” She tapped the floor patiently. “At least, that’s how I heard it. Is it right? Now did you ever think to look those symptoms up?”

They sat in silence for several minutes as Alix’s question bored into Marc’s brain.

“I think I did,” he admitted. “A long while back, I thought about it. I talked myself out of it and never brought it up again. I thought someone might come and read over my shoulder, or my parents would look at my history.”

“Have they…” Alix stared incredulously. “Do your parents actually do that? Look at your history?”

He paused. “I don’t know,” he whispered. “Maybe?”

“Marc…” she sighed. “Never mind, I already looked it up anyway.” She pulled out her phone. “Genderqueer, we’re pretty sure, right? That’s what’s supposed to be covered by the ‘T’ in LGBT- for transgender.” She gestured in no particular direction. “To most people, that just means identifying with the gender opposite to yours, but the definition is actually a lot bigger.”

“How?”

“How many genders do you think there are?”

“Uhhh… two?”

“Okay,” she said, pulling him off the ground and depositing him on a beanbag chair. “Sit up, let me learn you something.” She opened her phone to a webpage. “Well, I don’t know if I’m actually qualified to give a dissertation on this, but I’ll try. Gender isn’t really black-and-white, it’s more on a spectrum. Modern science has proven this, it’s been out in the open for years.” She continued the talk, glancing down at her phone every once in a while for guidance. “Most people identify closely with the gender that corresponds to what they were assigned at birth. Some identify with the opposite gender. That’s a binary transgender.”

Making sure Marc was caught up with that, she continued. “Some people identify with something else, in between or disconnected from the ends. They might be more feminine or more masculine, they might identify as both male and female, or they might have no actual sense of their own gender. These people are ‘non-binary’ transgender, and there’s a whole bunch of other categories in that, and I don’t really have time to get through them all.”

“Wait…” Marc stopped her. “Why are you doing this? What are you even doing?”

“To put it in terms you’ll understand? You need the right word. Badly.” She put away her phone. “Let’s just say I know what that feels like.”

“You’re telling me I’m… that’s there’s actually…” At a loss for words, he only pointed at himself.

Alix nodded. “I found… well, gender’s a spectrum, and there are some people who sort of bounce around that spectrum. Their gender isn’t fixed, it changes from day to day, even over the course of the day. And they do still get dysphoria sometimes, I checked.” She paused, making sure Marc heard. “They’re called ‘gender-fluid.’”

Gender… fluid.

Gender… fluid?

The word fluid, as Marc knew it, meant gaseous or liquid. Shifting, retaining mass, but with the capacity to change in volume when referring to a gas. As a liquid, a fluid has a fixed mass and volume, but unfixed structure, filling available space in its container.

Gender… fluid.

Fluid in regards to gender. Gender changing volume and form to fit some container… himself?

That sounded so… promising.

No. It couldn’t be that simple, right? Could it be there was actually a word for his type of wrong?

“Marc?” Alix nudged him. “You okay, bud?”

Marc’s expression didn’t change. He answered as honestly as he could. “Uhhh, I don’t know.”

“I need to know, before we get our hopes up…” She looked him square in the eyes and asked, iron laced into her voice, “Does that sound right to you?”

“I don’t know,” he repeated.

“Okay.” She nodded. “I guess you don’t have to. Well,” she tilted her head sympathetically. “Just keep it in mind. I mean, this is a pretty accepting, patient neighborhood. You can take as much time as you need to get comfortable.”

“Thank you.” And then he said, “What did you mean?”

“About?”

“You said I needed a right word? And you knew how that felt?” He looked at her inquisitively. “What did that mean?”

For a moment, Marc thought she was going to break something. But then, Alix’s face mellowed into something more… acquiescing.

“I wasn’t always this friendly,” she admitted. “I would go so far as to say… I was an absolute shit. Stop laughing.” He wasn’t, though he had considered it. “I was looking at everyone who had someone they called their own. I watched them stumble over themselves like they had something to prove, even to their ruin. And I couldn’t see why.” She rubbed her eyes, and for a second, some freak trick of the light must have happened, because Marc almost thought he saw tears welling up. “I don’t know why Nathaniel stuck around me. But he was pretty much the only one who kept me from physically hurting people. Cause as far as I knew, either the whole world was completely batshit crazy or I was, and that just made me angry.” Her fists clenched tight, her eyes shut. “I needed someone to tell me I wasn’t crazy. And he was that someone for me.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Forget about it.” She sniffed. No, he was sure this time, Alix was actually showing an emotion! “Anyway… Nate cares about you a hell of a lot, Shakespeare.” She looked at him, half-threatening and half-impressed. “He doesn’t do that lightly. He doesn’t talk, or smile, or laugh with anyone as much as he does with you and me. Like hell I’m letting one of the people he cares about go through what I did.”

Marc couldn’t believe his eyes. He wasn’t aware the skater could be this vulnerable, and yet still simultaneously command respect.

After everything Nathaniel had done for him…

After Alix had laid her heart bare after he snapped at her…

There was no choice in his mind. He couldn’t let either of them down. For some stupid reason which Marc couldn’t gather, they both cared about him.

“What do I have to do?”

“Nothing. You don’t have to do anything. Well,” she held up a finger. “No, there’s one thing.”

“What?”

“Relax.”

“Oh.” Despite the situation, Marc allowed himself to laugh a little. “That’ll be the day.”

“Heh.” She leaned forward and clapped him on the back. “You’re alright, dude.” She stopped awkwardly. “Are you a dude?”

Marc had asked himself the same question many times, if not exactly worded that way. Well if his gender did change, then it shouldn’t matter what he was before. That thought scared him, but ignoring everything else, and just looking at right now…

“Sure?” He shrugged helplessly. “I guess?”

“Cool.” Alix turned to go. “I’ll keep my mouth shut. Rest is up to you.” She snatched her hat back off the table. “Gonna need this. I’m gonna go give Rose a further piece of my mind.”

Marc had Nathaniel’s number. He had never used it to call him, only to text, but tonight…

“So…”

“Yeah,” Marc said.

“Wow,” Nathaniel agreed. “Have you told your parents?”

“I mean…” Marc glanced at his closed bedroom door. “I haven’t. You’re literally the second person I’ve told.”

“I’m honored. Are you going to?”

“I’ve thought about it.” He turned away from the door. “Maybe when I’m more sure. I mean… they know I’m not normal, but I don’t think they know how deviant I am.”

“Parents don’t understand half the stuff their kids can.” Nathaniel laughed over the line. “Imagine how mine felt, raising someone with Asperger’s.”

“What?” Marc hadn’t expected that.

“Yep. I mean, you told me your major malfunction, I might as well tell you mine.”

Oh.

Oh wow.

“I’m likewise privileged.”

Nathaniel laughed heartily. “Thanks. I don’t really tell people, but sometimes I get the feeling I’m obvious about it.”

Marc could relate. ‘I’m surprised you haven’t realized my giant crush on you yet.’

Aloud, he decided to grill him for details. “So, you have Asperger’s? What does that actually mean?”

“Well, it’s… it’s difficult for me to express my emotions and interpret others. But it’s pretty different for everyone.” Marc heard Nathaniel gulp. “Basically, I’m… I’m in my own head a lot of the time, and it’s difficult for me to sort of see and interact beyond that. Especially with people. I’m not very good with people. Communicating. The works.”

“Okay. Out of curiosity, does the art factor into that?”

“Started out as a therapy exercise,” he admitted. “Then I just started doing it. I use it to organize my thoughts, illustrate my emotions, and… well, some of it is escapism, probably, let’s face it.”

Once again, Marc could relate.

“I mean, my folks are pretty much used to my crazy. So, like, if your parents kick you out, I don’t think mine would be opposed to harboring a fugitive.”

“See?” Marc assured. “You can be clever.”

“Sometimes.” He could almost hear the smile. “We’re both deviants.”

“Yeah. I don’t know if all this anxiety’s good for my health. Maybe I’ll try taking Alix’s advice, see if that works.”

“Smart. She’s good at advice. It’ll be good to see you relax. And… I wouldn’t mind if you decided to be yourself more.”

“Whatever I am, it’s genderqueer, which is apparently a much bigger category than I thought it was.”

“So, if your gender changes, what are you now?”

“Well right now I’m…” Marc trailed off. Something about that sentence was going to end weirdly for him. “That’s weird. I was… a boy earlier, but now I feel…” He paused. “Kinda girly, I guess? I mean… huh.”

“Huh,” Nath agreed.

He gripped onto the phone. “Yeah,” he said, steeling his breath.

Was he?

Was “he” steeling “his” breath?

He had to try… Marc closed his eyes and thought one forbidden word.

‘She.’

It fit.

It felt amazing.

She… she lowered the phone from her (her!) ear.

She laughed. She giggled, even.

She had tried referring to herself with other pronouns before, but she had always concluded that, since she always eventually defaulted to male, that calling herself something different wasn’t the issue. It occurred to her that she may have been right all along, only in the wrong way. Pronouns were the issue, but not in the permanent sense, like she had considered to be the only option.

She smiled. Her smile. Her. Damn face.

She spared a glance in the mirror, but she was disappointed to see him again. Though, as she scrutinized her reflection, she saw something she had never seen: a light of sorts, seeming to come from her eyes, reflecting the overhead bulbs. It struck her that her eyes had never seemed this deep before. There was something completely new in her gaze, and even her expression and stature, and she realized immediately what it was.

Life.

And this life emboldened the green in her irises, the darkness of her eyelashes, the pink of her lips and the warm blush of her cheeks.

It was still his face. But, it was hers, too, dammit.

“Marc, you okay?”

She nearly dropped the phone. She had completely forgotten Nath was still there. Marc, he’d called her. She’d have to fix that. She might want a gender-neutral name.

She stopped. ‘No,’ she mused, ‘one thing at a time.’

“Yeah,” she said in her scratchy, pubescent, tenor voice. She also made a note to practice with that some more.

“You went kinda silent there. You sure?”

“I’m fine.” She gulped. “Never better.”

And by Golly, she meant it.

“Damn.”

“What?”

“Something’s right.”

Nathaniel stared at the ceiling of his bedroom. He should have gone to sleep a while ago, but that had never stopped him before.

He thought of Marc as he had always known Marc- as a boy. Easy enough: short black hair done up in the back, the red hoodie he always wore hung over his shoulders, pale skin that blushed easily. And he couldn’t forget the eyes. Two eyes that were forest green. Sharp, crisp eyes, to match the sharp mind behind them. Sharp, spry, creative, like a colorful… sword. The metaphor got away from him.

The eyes were the first thing that caught his attention, the first physical detail about Marc that he had truly noticed.

Alright, it was easy to see him as a boy, but what if he was a girl? His – sorry, her – black hair… well, it wouldn’t change much. Doing hair up in the back is a common girl thing, right? And the green eyes and blush wouldn’t change either. Now that he thought about it, Marc herself wouldn’t change. Well, she might be less depressed, maybe a bit more open about her emotions once she saw how she’d be accepted by everyone else. Maybe she’d be even quicker with her amazing words, if that was even possible. But those were really just boons, weren’t they? He couldn’t see any way that Marc being a girl would pose a problem to their friendship. And he could see Marc as a girl pretty easily, with her short stature and tendency to wear makeup. He envisioned her wearing something girly. Probably not a skirt. Would she wear her hoodie lower down her arms? Maybe do her makeup a little more? Even if it was only in front of him, he’d be happy to know she was feeling free.

In his vision, she was smiling, and he liked it when Marc smiled.

Well, what about something neither boy nor girl? Marc’s physical features shifted again in his mind, again only changing in how the writer carried themselves. Still brilliant, still humble, still Marc. Maybe just a little makeup, to smooth the edge off their masculinity. Sunglasses? No, they’d never wear sunglasses under any circumstances. A hat, maybe. What was Marc without their gender anyway? Same black hair, green eyes, rosy blush. Same demure attitude, same affectionate smile, same incredible creativity. Why did Marc need a defined, certain gender when they had so much else in addition?

He continued to lay on his bed, processing this. Then, as he reached the conclusion, he started to blush.

“God… damnit,” Nathaniel muttered, covering his face. “They’re still hot.”

Well, Marc didn’t blush. I didn’t say anyone else wouldn’t. And I did have the OTHER kind of blush at the beginning so...

Yeah. I’m just gonna pretend this makes sense. You hear me, @seasonofthegeek? This still counts!

Comments are always appreciated. This one was really fun to write, as you can tell from my unnecessarily long word count. I swear, I don’t usually go this long.

But hey, I think I made something pretty cool here. Anyway, I’m gonna post this before it’s past the deadline, so... bye for now, I guess.

#fanfic #Marc Appreciation Week #marc anciel #nathaniel kurtzberg #rose lavillant #for one very short scene #alix kubdel #for a much larger scene #miraculous ladybug

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haunting-kind-of-high · 6 years ago

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Deadly Sins as Sides AU

A few weeks ago, I had a thought about how the seven deadly sins would act as dark sides. And after ages and ages of research (I'm not kidding you I spent so much time on this it's insane), here we have it! It's not fully complete, as I couldn't think of everything perfectly, but there are ideas (:

I might continue this, but that depends on my ideas for it

(Also note: I haven't double checked every link or just everything in general, so there might be a few mistakes or weird things but just… go with it)

Tag list: @imin-loveanon, @musicphanpie-b, @mikey-girl12

Pride

Of course, most of us know him as dark!Roman

Which is cool

It would still work

But for this AU I’m gonna assume he’s his own side just because it’s convenient

The fanon outfit people have made for him would still work

With a black shirt and I think golden sash

He is a prince, because that can easily be linked to pride

Though maybe a king would fit him better?

Cause obviously he is better than anyone else

So he’s got to be the king

Arrogant motherfucker

He also embodies vanity, so vain as fuck

Narcissist

Thinks he is better than the rest and acts like it

Clashes a lot with the other sides because he’s always fife thousand times more important than any of them combined

He only looks at what is best for him and doesn’t think past that

No one likes the guy

You don’t want to upset him though

He’s one of the worst of the dark sides

You want to be on his good side cause he is not scared to hurt you

His name could be Belial, or something similar, from the demon of arrogance and pride, Belial

He could be considered the leader of the dark sides, as Belial is mentioned as the leader of the Sons of Darkness, on one of the Dead Sea Scrolls

So there is the role of king again

Also, Dante believed all other sins were derived from pride, so that matches up with Pride being the leader too

Belial is also described as Prince of Darkness, or King of Evil, which would fit with a royal outfit pretty well

I also saw a site which named Lucifer as a demon for Pride which intrigued me a lot and offers a lot of perspective

Even more interesting would be Roman turning into Pride, which would make for a lot of opportunities to refer to the Lucifer story and use symbolism

Might get into that later, this is not the post for that

Yeah I really like the name Lucifer for him, though Belial is also fancy idk

His room probably has a bunch of mirrors

And one of those desks with a mirror where you can do your make-up and stuff, I forgot the word for it

Is it a vanity?

I also thought of this picture and felt like it belonged here. Though idk what to do with it.

Lots of violet details, as that colour seems to symbolise pride

Greed

All he wants in life is for Thomas to get rich, really

So obviously he supports this whole YouTube thing because that can get them a lot of money

He isn’t really a harmful dude

Less harmful than most of the dark sides

Chaotic neutral, probably

He just wants what he wants and it doesn’t matter what it takes to achieve it

He sides with anyone, as long as it benefits him

The demon associated with greed is Mammon

So his name could be either based on that, or it could be Midas

Random sidenote: the list I’m using for this, calls these demons the Princes of Hell, which is pretty fun

But back to the point

He can get along with most of the sides pretty well, though he stays away from Wrath and Pride if he can

His outfit consists of a black blazer with a pattern of golden roses (referring to the myth of King Midas), a necklace with a pendant of a silver pipe (reference to a Native American legend about greed), a white shirt (the black and white being another reference to King Midas), and black trousers

Lots of gold and silver stuff in his room as well

I picture his room would be similar to a vault or something

With lots of valuables

Probably every price Thomas has won too

Not because he values them so much emotionally, but because they are worth quite a lot

I can’t find the post any more, but I once saw this theory of there being exactly one (1) dollar in the mindscape

Greed definitely created the dollar

He’s upset it was stolen from him

So he made a lot of dollars which he hid from the others

They’re his dollars your heathens

Lust (a big thank you to @purple-plaid-patches for helping me out with this dude’s outfit!)

Depicts all and any kind of lust

Demon of Lust is called Asmodeus

There are so many stories about lust yet I can’t find a single one that has a personification of Lust, that is homophobia

I read that the snake symbolises lust

So I picture Deceit and Lust would get along pretty well

He also likes it when the other sides get in trouble because it’s fun

Especially if Pride and Wrath are the angry ones

A hint of sadist

But Patton dulls out most of his influence, being Morality and enjoying people being in pain is b a d

Patton’s influence slips sometimes tho

Like when Thomas is watching those home video things and people slip or get hurt in another way

Cause let’s be real

That’s kinda funny

Notorious invader of personal space

It’s funny to see how the others get uncomfortable when he does it

Likes making people uncomfortable in general

Not a fun dude to be around

He’s not as dangerous as Pride or Wrath though

He is just very annoying and is almost guaranteed to make you uncomfortable

He likes to watch people get hurt but it’s so much effort to do it himself

So he’s not a huge threat to your safety

Just to your personal space

His outfit is great, thanks to @purple-plaid-patches

It’s a crop top, dark blue with gold accents

This skirt but dark blue

These things but in gold

Choker but with like… sapphires

Also this anklet

I honestly don’t know what to do with his room so go crazy on that

His name could be Phillip

Cause I found this Native American legend about a woman gaining an obsession with horses (I mean… this was in the category for lust so I’m using this)

And Phillip means horse

Might be a little far-fetched, but I searched so long for symbolism and this is the closest I could get why couldn’t I find more personifications or symbols of Lust

Envy

He often works with Pride on stuff because they both want Thomas to be as famous and successful as he can be obviously

Greed as well, probably

Looks at the achievements of others and gets jealous of everything they possess, everything they have achieved

So he works together with the other sides to try and top those others

Actually, now that I think of it, he would probably work together with most of the sides if it benefits him

He is also pretty close to Deceit

Because envy often leads people to deceive another in one way or another

Think of Iago in Othello

If Deceit and Envy would ever fuse, they would form an Iago istg

(Shit could you imagine tho? That would be so cool)

Like most of the dark sides, he doesn’t really care about the overall picture, he just really wants to do what makes him happiest

His basic outfit is a simple green shirt and jeans

But he changes his outfit all the time, depending on what he desires most at that time so no one really knows his actual outfit

His room is cold and dark, much like Envy’s home in Ovid’s Metamorphoses

It’s not very pretty

His name is Levi, from Leviathan, the demon of envy

I also like his name being similar to Aglauros somehow, because in Ovid’s Metamorphoses, a girl named Aglauros is corrupted by Envy, but I don’t know a name that could fit

Gluttony

For this, I am using this quote I found from Thomas Aquinas

“Gluttony denotes, not any desire of eating and drinking, but an inordinate desire...leaving the order of reason, wherein the good of moral virtue consists.”

I assume that the ‘…’ implies a bit if left out, but for some reason I can’t find the full quote, so I’m not totally sure

But from what I read here, is that Gluttony basically encompasses everything

This site described it as excessive materialism, which is a pretty good explanation I guess

So basically he wants Thomas to get everything in existence

“Oh look at that! You should buy this thing because you might be able to use it one time and then forget about it! And even if you can't use it, you will have it.”

Greed probably likes him, even though Greed is more about having things just to have it and never use them, while Gluttony wants things to use them

But they both want things

He secretly loves Patton’s room because he holds on to pretty much everything, and Gluttony loves going through those old things

But he will never admit it

Loves his foods

He’s the voice in Thomas’ head telling him eat pizza all the time

Logan has a hard time countering him sometimes

At the same time, he also wants Thomas to try all kinds of different food because he needs to taste it all

Very confusing side

Demon of gluttony is Beelzebub

There’s a fun fact for y’all

I was going to suggest Logan for a name because of Wolverine (the Dutch name for a wolverine is pretty close to what you’d call a glutton and I liked the idea)

But then I realised that there already is a Logan

But James could work too

His room would probably have a lot of storage space

Cupboards, shelves, closets

that's all I've got, can't think of anything else

His outfit is an oversized shirt (orange, cause that stands for gluttony) with grey sweatpants

Wrath (warning for mention of dismemberment, in the final bullet point)

Most dangerous of the sides

Obviously, he’s a hot-tempered guy

Gets very upset very quickly

His influence on Thomas is mostly dulled by other sides, though

Especially Patton, who handles most of the emotions anyways

Doesn’t mean the guy doesn’t get very upset

If you thought Pride was bad, oh boy, Wrath is worse

You really don’t want to upset him either

Very vengeful

Satan is often depicted as the demon of Wrath so there’s a connection

I feel like he would be the most violent of all the sides

Probably has a bunch of weapons himself

The other sides stay away from him if they can

His outfit is an all-black ensemble with a dark red cape

I don’t know why but I feel like he would be extra enough to have a fucking cape

It’s like one of those capes with a high collar that are Extratm and slightly creepy because only villains appear to be wearing them

His name is Elliot, after one of the Batman villains called Wrath

In reference to his name, his room would look like a stereotypical villain lair

Lots of dark

Dark walls, dark furniture

It’s just a place where he can escape to

Sorta like a dungeon

I also like the idea of there being a lot of silver details idk why

It’s a pretty creepy place and no one ever goes in unless they have a very good reason to

When thinking about this, I immediately pictured him having a throne, I don’t know why

But he definitely has a throne

It’s decorated with black roses, spiralling up from the legs all the way to the top (they have lots of thorns obviously)

Also across the arm rests and stuff

I also read that the punishment for wrath (I am assuming it is in Dante's Inferno, but the site didn’t specify) is constant dismemberment, so I like the idea of him just… cutting of a hand or foot if someone irritates him?

Cause that’s pretty ironic

Sloth

Obviously, he is the laziest side

Just wants to sleep constantly

He doesn’t understand the point of trying to achieve big goals when you can just fucking sleep

Most of the dark sides don’t understand him

A true chaotic neutral

He is chaotic, both in the literal sense and the sense of the alignment chart

The demon of sloth is Belphegor

His name could be Roderick, which is incredibly fancy for a side like him but

Hear me out, I like my reasoning

Machiavelli wrote a novella called Belfagor, about (you guessed it) Belphegor

He was sent to Earth for some mission and used Roderigo as a name when posing as a human

So yeah

Roderick

His name could also be Rick tho

Maybe his name is Roderick but he hates it so everyone calls him Rick

If that were the case, he would constantly make Never Gonna Give You Up jokes

Wrath got so sick of it that he threatened to kill Sloth over it, so now he makes sure Wrath is nowhere near before making the joke

Lust secretly wants to tell Wrath about it every time Sloth makes a joke like that again, because he’d like to see Sloth getting in trouble

His outfit is a light blue pyjama with little sheep on it, you know the one (because light blue symbolises sloth)

He also has a necklace with a goat he always wears (also a symbol for sloth)

His room is a mess cause he never bothers to clean it

It’s just Thomas’ room but

A million times messier

Also the reason that Thomas keeps procrastinating things, because “why do it when you can just sleep and… not do it?”

In Dante’s Inferno, the punishment for sloth is a snake pit

So where Envy gets along with Deceit pretty well, Sloth can’t stand being around Deceit

He just makes him very uncomfortable

Deceit

@musicphanpie-b showed me this site

The important thing here is “Of course, the seven deadly sins cover mostly MOTIVATIONS to do things. If you were not compelled by anger, greed, arrogance, lust, envy, gluttony or laziness, there wouldn't be much to make you deceive someone.”

So basically, he works together with the other dark sides

He manipulates them into getting to do what he wants

He knows what the other sides value the most, so obviously, he abuses this knowledge

Sneaky snake

#sanders sides #thomas sanders #dark sides #deceit sanders #deadly sins #sanders sides headcanon #mercy's hc

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yourtokentony · 4 years ago

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The TokenTony Letterkenny Character Ranking

The Ranker ranking was ungodly. How dare they. They were wrong in so many ways that can’t even be counted. So it’s my turn. Time to fix it.

The first step is to recognize the difference between “recurring characters” and “oneoffs”. Some oneoffs may appear in future or more than one gags (Garrett/Jarrett wasn’t even mentioned) but they were listed, so I have to relist.

One Offish Characters

9. The TSN Sports Anchors - Not bad people, I’m sure, but these situations they appeared in were literally based on Tanis’s speeches (the females) and the joke set up by Jean Jacques Francois Jacque Jean. So they are the bottom spot.

8. Native Hockey Coach - Again, not a bad dude, but only a yang to Tanis’s Yan.

7. The Matchmaker - Why was she listed? The only reason she even got a nod higher here is that she gave me (and viewers I’m sure) a chance to really see some fun in characters (I’ll never look at baseball the same again)

6 Sled Ted/Jivin’ Pete I get it. They helped establish the show. But not great characters at all.

5. Big City Slams: They were good people too (sorry, I’m a boy) and helped Stuart become more than just a nobody, and that good lovin’ became a part of my daily speech for a while. But they are just a gag on “we’re hot.”

4. Dyck Sisters: God in Heaven, they ranked too many characters. But dick jokes are funny and their parents appeared more than once.

3. Wally: Started the Native trend. Gets points for that.

2. Hard Right Jay: This was a fun episode, and I really like this guy (the actor). He was a sad representation of what the US really is, and a good character in the show.

1. RatAss: The king of the one off characters. “Let’s get to it, Knock off Wolverine” makes me laugh every time and I think it’s a real life point.

Actual Characters

46. The Models - I love a pun gag more than most (I’m a dad), but I didn’t like the idea that “Katie Fucks” was being thrown in Wayne’s face. The idea was always a “yeah, it’s happening, but we won’t talk about it”.

45. Tania’s Crew - Again, like some of the one offs, Tanis’s opposites weren’t the greatest depth, but good still...but not alone.

44. Brodude Twins - Not a fan. But hey, I’m a guy.

43. Angie - Here’s why Angie is so low...she was unused. I feel she could have been central as a “not Wayne” character, but she pops in and out randomly. And she messed up the senior whaleshit hockey team.

42. The Newfoundland Hockey Players: I laughed. You laughed. It was a blast to see the chirping go the other way. But not the deepest gag of the show and definitely not worth Ranker’s situation.

41. The Brodude leader: Honestly, isn’t she quite the chauvinistic human? Other than that, you can almost predict her lines. And I don’t like that.

40. Quebeck Hicks: I loved the idea. I smiled. I said “Look at French Squirrely Dan!” But otherwise, not much contribution.

39. Jean Jacque Francois Jacque Jean: He only got his own separate because I see him in the finale of season 9. And I hate his name is so stereotypical, but I dig.

38. Alexander: The TERLETS! Hahah But yeah, just a start.

37. Devon: The leader of the Skids when Stuart was “away”...still didn’t do much for me. But I don’t think the Skids are great characters anyway.

36. Bradley: OK, probably should have been in the oneoff category, but man...that was a great episode. I’ll race Squirrely right now! Tito get me a tissue!

35. Gae: Man, a whole season to try to grow the skids and still didn’t do it for me. But the “why do you rebel” was a part of my life for a few drunken nights.

34. Ellen: Dude, I wish she was on screen more. A lot of Squirrely Dan’s growth was wrapped in her and yet, she was in like 2 episodes. Sigh.

33. Anik: The reason Scottie got such a high vote, but she dropped because well, chauvanism.

32. Cousin Jake: It was nice to have an American in the show. For real. And he made an impact. But so many other characters!

31. Dax: I had to separate them only because of Katie’s reaction during the matchmaking episode. But yeah, they are both down here.

30. Ron: See above, only without that reaction.

29. Girl Hockey players: I loved it. It’s fun to make fun of girls for being promiscuous. But we’re getting into really influential territory and they don’t have the “we were there to start” points.

28. Senior Whaleshit Hockey Players: See above. I love my Senior Whaleshit Hockey Players like I love my ex-wife: 28th on the list.

27. Scottie Wallis: I still say YEW when I see cute girls. If he had been in more than 2 episodes.

26. The Ginger: I mean, the first accused of ostrich-fucking became Squirrely Dan’s catch phrase. I have a shirt that says “allegedly” and I say it also frequently.

25. Boots: I mean, you’d need at least 2 people to smash an ostrich.

24. Noah Dyck: I had to separate them. He was good, but wasn’t as good as his other half.

23. Dierks: Man. Have I ever wanted to fight someone more. Katie believed in him and he was the American infiltration to this smalltown. Sigh. We all learn...

22. Anita Dyck: She gets a higher ranking because she was “human”. She had no time for Daryl’s crap and was still doing her best to stay trure.

21. Rosie: Look, she’s doing good for Wayne. And I like some color in my white TV. But they are forcing good lines to her, and she doesn’t really deserve them.

20. Roald: I don’t like how much we make fun of him as a sub. But he’s there. And has been. He’s winning only on longevity.

19. Gayle: Lots of fighting on this one. I love Gayle’s character. Horny. Small Business owner. Basically me in all my dreams. Again, we’re getting tough here.

18. Mrs. McMurray: I think of her more when I think of “ugh...the lifestyle” than I do her husband. But she seems to be phasing out of the show, and that’s sad. Cause she could get it.

17. McMurray: Dude, his speech on what average penis length is should have absolutely given him top billing, but they have again started phasing him out. Sigh.

16. Stewart: The leader of the skids does deserve top billing. They aren’t my favorite characters though, and I’m not the biggest fan.

15. Marie Fred: I was more sad for this betrayal than a lot of TV betrayals I’m used to. And that’s new for me. But they gave her Rosie type lines while she was dating him and gave her an out. That’s good stuff.

14. Tyson: Tyson is good people. But his intro to the show is what separates and lowers him from his compadre.

13. Glen: My favorite uncomfirmed gay in the show. Longevity (cause well, he’s a writer) and always present in good story connecting arcs (again, the dating episode for Wayne really put him on for me)

12. Jimmie Dickens: My second round of watching all the seasons made me love Jimmie Dickens more than others. I said “400% bullshit round here” at work once, and everyone agreed.

11. Joint Boy: Joint Boy’s initial monologue before fighting Wayne separates him from Tyson, also the way he kicked a guy in the nuts before steaks.

10. Tanis: We are getting in the weeds now. I love Tanis. 10/10 would recommend. The crap she gives Wayne for simply crossing his legs is both legendary and amazing. BUTTTT...she’s also quite...unrefined. Both as a character and as a person. She shouldn’t be so...lost, right?

9. Coach: I freaking love Coach. “F***ing embarrassing” has become a part of my normal life. The barb episode and the beer league hockey were great additions to the show. I want my oreos.

8. BONNIE MCMURRAY. If you didn’t say it like that, you don’t understand.

7. Jonesy: Dude, he’s a real one. Created so many new terms in my vocab for no reason. The only reason he’s lower:

6.: Reilly: Doesn’t have a treasure trail. But a great spot.

5. Darry: I wish, for real, they didn’t beat him up so much. But Banana Boat is not a cologne, Dary!

4. Katy: I hope she’s not upset about literally being the “hot girl with problems”, but they do it good on this show.

3. Squirrley Dan: My dog. My truth. My spirit animal. He’s only not #1 because he has to correct and adjust the rest of the cast. DON’T MAKE ME SHOW YOU WHAT IT MEANS TO GET ROWDY! (Dan voice)

2. Wayne: Yeah, he’s great. No qualms here.

1. Shores. My Australian friends call me “Rossy”, in case you were wondering where the “y” comes from. But man Shoresy is hands down the best character in the show. I hope, and pray, they don’t ever make him “vulnerable”. Just let him be!

Thanks for reading!

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reading-with-nixie · 7 years ago

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Top 11(ish) Books of 2017

This was a weird year for me reading-wise in a lot of ways. For one - I didn’t just fail my 100 book challenge, I basically turbo-failed it: I only read about 44 books (I’m on 45 now). Like last year, this year was not conducive to reading for many reasons. As most of you know, this year was pretty shit for me until about late September, and then in early October I switched to full-time employment and needed to chop my long commute into three much shorter parts - meaning that reading on my commute became harder.

All that said, I actually read more books that I actually liked this year than I have previously, because I started being less strict about my rules for putting down books. I used to only stop reading books if I had a major ideological difference with the text (not the story, the text - if this confuses you, talk to me). But this year I also stopped reading books if I noticed that I wasn’t inclined to read them. I finally settled into the fact that there are enough books out there that I’d love to waste my time on ones I don’t. So instead of 10 or 9 favorites this year - I have 11 or 12 (I lumped two books together; I’ll explain why when I get there).

So here we go, in no particular order:

1) Elizabeth is Missing by Emma Healey

You’ll probably notice a trend for this year, which is that I read a lot of horror/thriller novels - Elizabeth is Missing falls into the thriller category, but only because of the point of the view in which it is written. Namely, the protagonist is an elderly woman named Maud who struggles with dementia.

She is convinced that her friend Elizabeth has gone missing and that her older sister Sukey (who disappeared herself after World War II) was murdered by her husband. But no one is listening to her about Elizabeth, nor did anyone listen to her about Sukey - so Maud decides to solve both mysteries by herself.

This book was memorable for me, again, because of the POV. The book portrays exactly how terrifying it is to feel with all your might that something is true, only to have everyone around you be dismissive. The reader also gets a glimpse into Maud forgetting things that her daughter, caretaker, and other people surrounding her say. So what happened to Sukey? What happened to Elizabeth? Is Elizabeth even missing in the first place?

All in all a very interesting read, but if you’re already terrified of aging, I’d maybe pass.

2) The Geek Feminist Revolution by Kameron Hurley

Kameron Hurley is a Hugo award winner and a woman...which means she’s needed to deal with a lot of shitty nerd boys. This (pretty inclusive) book discusses feminist sff, misogyny in nerd culture, and (most prominently) what it’s like trying to thrive in sff as a woman. Especially a woman who writes diverse books.

This book is great for feminists and nerds - but above all I recommend it for my woman writerly friends. I really enjoyed her snark, but the main thing I got out of this book was an extreme increase in my desire to create.

3) The Girl with All the Gifts by MR Carey

This was definitely one of the more inventive books I’ve read this year or possibly ever. I’ve described it to people as being a zombie book that reads (at least in part) like a fairy tale; it’s been compared to Matilda a lot -- which I think makes sense.

The narrator for much (though not all) of the novel is Melanie, who is a child zombie who “grew up” in an army base/school for child zombies. Then one day the school is attacked and Melanie, her favorite teacher (their relationship is really fucking touching), and some military folks escape and must try to survive out in the world.

The book switches narrators, which allows for some interesting shifts in perspective. Some parts feel more like a typical horror novel than others, but all in all I would highly recommend this to someone who is interested in seeing a unique approach to zombies or horror. Or just people who like horror novels and also like Matilda.

4) All the Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr

Another really unique one -- but very, very different from the last. This one won the Pulitzer Prize and pretty much all the awards in 2014 and goddamn if there isn’t a reason.

This one is less unique for the way it tells its story (it’s very lyrical, but not particularly groundbreaking in that regard as far as I remember), but for the content of the story itself. It’s a story set during WWII in Europe...but not the sort of story you’d expect. The main characters of the story are a young blind girl living in Nazi-occupied France and a German kid who ends up (obviously) working with Nazis. Neither of them ends up in a concentration camp or anything like that. Rather, Marie-Laure must deal with the social and economic everyday consequences of the occupation and Werner sees terrible shit happening around him all the time and doesn’t interfere despite having an increasingly bad feeling about what the German army is doing.

Obviously, the novel is heavy as fuck, so definitely proceed with tissues.

5) Every Heart a Doorway by Seanan McGuire and The Diviners by Libba Bray

These two go together in my head, so I’m also putting them together here. They have completely different premises, but I read them at the same time and there are some weird similarities. Most notably, both books have serial killer antagonists who remove body parts from their victims - and the same body parts at that.

Every Heart a Doorway is a really interesting novella which explores the idea what happens to children once they return from magical worlds (a la Alice in Wonderland and The Chronicles of Narnia). Nancy is a newcomer to a boarding school for these kids who makes fast friends with a couple of her classmates. When someone starts killing them, Nancy and her new pals come under suspicion and need to prove their innocence, and in so doing save the school from being shut down. It’s actually a novella, so it’s fairly easy to read in a short period of time. And gets a TON of brownie points for having a CANONICALLY ASEXUAL MAIN CHARACTER.

The Diviners is set in the Roaring 20s and features a cast of teens with various and sundry magical powers that have to deal with shutting down a ghost that some dumbass rich kids unleash with a luigi board in the first scene. I was kind of pissed that there’s a scene early on in which sexual assault occurs and the narrative never addresses it as such - but aside from that major qualm I have with it, it’s solid. Also, totally spooky.

I recommend both of these books - just maybe not the same time? Don’t repeat my mistakes.

6) The Secret History by Donna Tartt

If you know me more than just in passing, you know that I love me some Dark Shit™ in my literature. The Secret History more than satisfied that craving. The story, set in a rural Vermont college (apparently a Bennington expy...which I’m gonna go ahead and say is NOT a complement to Bennington), is one of pretentious classics students who are basically a cult. A new kid comes to the school, gets indoctrinated into said basically-cult’s bullshit, and gets fully entrenched into their bullshit when they semi-accidentally kill a guy and THEN kill one of the basically-cult-members (this is not a spoiler - the book literally opens with them killing the dude).

It’s definitely not for everybody, but if you are also Team Dark Shit™ and like gorgeous writing - it’s probably for you. You’ll probably get even more out of it if you A) went to college in rural New England or B) were a classics student.

7) The Hate U Give by Angie Thomas

The Hate U Give is another book that got a LOT of hype and 100% deserves every amount of praise it received.

Sixteen year old Staff is one of few Black kids at a private school and still lives in a poor neighborhood, thus she divides herself up into two versions of herself to fit who those two communities expect her to be. One night, she’s being driven home from a party by an old friend (Khalil) they get pulled over and Khalil is fatally shot by an officer.

Both the media at large, at least one of Starr’s white friends, and a local drug lord try to paint Khalil as a thug. Thus Starr has to decide whether to stay quiet and keep her life in tact or to speak up and upend everything about her life.

Highly recommend, especially for other White folks.

8) Illuminae by Amie Kaufman and Jay Kristoff

Another thing to know about my reading habits: I really love mixed media and weird layout/typographical decisions.

Give me maps, photographs, whole pages with only one word, transcripts, just ALL the variety of ways of telling -- and I’m a happy camper. Like, go to a bookstore and flip through a copy of Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close. There is a reason its my favorite.

Illuminae has an interesting story and all of these things.

It’s sci-fi YA told from multiple POVs - the main characters are two halves of a couple that breaks up on the day that their home planet is destroyed, but there’s also an AI who becomes progressively more and more of an interesting character as it goes along.

On top of a conspiracy, there’s a lot of action, potentially evil tech, and a scary af plague. It’s a little much for some readers, but I think it works - and it’s interesting to see several genres intersect.

I highly recommend this for other mixed media loving folks and people who want to see how many tropes can interact with each other at once.

9) Bird Box by Josh Malerman

Unlike most of the books I have on this list - I would actually recommend this to VERY FEW PEOPLE. It has aspects that could be triggering (namely, there’s a lot of suicide and some child abuse), it has multiple dog deaths (one of which is probably the saddest I’ve ever read; it had me crying on the bus), and is fucking TERRIFYING...but I loved it, so here it is.

In the world of Bird Box, something weird started happening - people started seeing something which launched them into a violent frenzy, causing them to sometimes kill those around them and always kill themselves. The book follows two stories - one is set five years after people started seeing whatever it is that’s driving them to madness, when Malorie and her two children need to leave their safe haven and travel down a river to a safe location that may or may not exist any longer; the other is set when Malorie is pregnant, people are just starting to see the thing, and Malorie finds (and loses) a chosen family in a sort of “how we got here” situation.

I love this one for two main reasons: 1) It addresses things in a really interesting, vaguely Lovecraftian way because, by the very nature of the crisis, NO ONE has seen the thing (or even spoken to someone who has seen the thing) and lived to talk about it - so the characters spend the whole time wearing blindfolds, covering their eyes, or inside with things to block any windows and the readers spend the entire book having NO IDEA what the thing is. And that makes pretty much everything more terrifying. One of the most nerve-wracking moments in the novel is when a LEAF falls on someone’s shoulder and there’s the question of “OH SHIT WHAT IF IT WASN’T A LEAF” but the person obviously can’t just check. There are also several times when whatever the heck this thing is is in the same space as Malorie (in one of them it actually plays around with her goddamn blindfold) and obviously she wants to see what it is, but she can’t or she and her kids will die. Both Malorie and the reader also need to trust that her kids won’t look. 2) It addresses the sorts of questions that would occur in that situation. What if you view whatever the thing is indirectly? Are animals immune to the insanity? Couldn’t blind people just go about their lives more or less normally, provided they don’t end up around someone who saw the thing?

You can judge for yourself (or ask more questions), to figure out if this would be a good or safe read for you.

10) Uprooted by Naomi Novik

To say that I enjoyed the experience of reading Uprooted would be completely incorrect. Anyone who was around me when I read it can tell you about the pained noises I was making most of the time. Most of the book was a conga of backfiring plans, terrifying bullshit, and the protagonist being thrown into generally unpleasant and/or bleak-looking situations. At one point I actually told Lauren “I...I don’t think I would ever say this...but it might be too depressing for me?”

That being said, it’s actually really good - which is why I kept reading through the pain. All of the characters were really engaging, even the ones I didn’t like; I wanted to know what happened plot-wise; there’s a really interesting magic system; and so much fae nonsense.

Agnieszka lives in a small village located near malevolent woods,a wizard takes her away from the village....and basically the entire rest of the plot is spoilers. But you should read it if you’re into fae nonsense.

11) The Long Way to a Small, Angry Planet by Becky Chambers

I haven’t finished this book yet, but I’m close enough to the end that I feel comfortable recommending it.

This is another ensemble cast book featuring a spaceship full of compelling characters (one of whom is basically an alien cultural anthropologist - which is neat) that form an amazing little chosen family.

It has a cool plot, too, but let’s be real - this book is about the characters and their relationships. Insofar as it’s possible to have representation in a book with mostly alien characters, this book pulls it off pretty well. There’s at least one lesbian couple, an essentially chronically ill character, an alien/AI relationship, and an alien who’s basically autistic. A fabulous people who like the ideas inherent in science fiction but are bored of pew-pew action crap.

I also have one anti-recommendation to close this out, because I feel the need to warn people away from this book.

DO NOT READ BOY, SNOW, BIRD by Helen Oyeyemi. It’s a transphobic piece of shit.

It starts off gorgeous, has some nice magical realism, involves some really good discussion of racism and what it means to be biracial...and then gets WILDLY transphobic very suddenly in the last twenty pages or so. I’ve heard people say “OH, but it’s actually a METAPHOR, you see!” but here’s the thing, you can’t use real marginalized groups as your goddamn metaphors. NOPE. Stay away from this piece of garbage, or at least don’t give Oyeyemi your money and everything except the last two chapters out of a library copy.

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awfullyhorriblybadfantrolls · 7 years ago

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i know hell

i heard you liked cihuco ;) oh god

(this is super long because i get p i s s e d about a tenth of the way through about the misrepresentation and romanticization of mental illness so it’s under a cut. be wary of the discourse i’ve inevitably started)

When she wants she can become 2, both of her personalities taking a body. I realize she looks like a dude…she’s made to look like me…and since I look like a dude…yeah…you sound very uncertain about that The shirt symbols were tribal designs I found forever ago and tweaked slightly…i feel like that might be offensive and here’s what it says behind them.

Potens sidera pateris me Dilamino Mortem et Vulture Duae solae Duae aequalia Eodem sensu Duae corpora Iterum Which translates from Latin into Powerful stars allow me to Split in two Death and Vulture Two separate Two equal Same mind Two bodies Once again

i had my friend who’s learning latin translate this for me and he got

“My strong star father. I split death and the vulture in two [or “i’m split in two. death and the vulture] two alone two of the same a sense of purpose two bodies again”

he also added that it’s very badly translated and has no proper declension or cases and vulture isn’t a word in latin apparently

“they definitely used pateris when they shoulda used poddiderit”

you’re welcome hey also? there’s more.

cihuco: i know i’m weird cihuco: i know my blood makes you sick cihuco: i know i’m not normal also cihuco: can you accept me for me now because i just told you all of my problems

Pesterchum name: bonesbloodSkullprotect excuse me

Typing Issue: uses txt tlk & symbols b/c she tends 2 tlk kinda fast, however if she’s perfectly calm she will spell things out completely unlike Morgan. she only capitalizes names & sometimes I’s…sometimes not. i don’t know why i hate this so much

Font Color: After finding a way to alternate between Fire Red and Water Blue water isn’t blue asshole she keeps it on so 1 sentence will be red, the next blue. However, if she’s really pissed it goes completely red and if somehow she’s completely and utterly calm it will go completely blue. i have more of an idea why i hate this so much but i do

Cimi (Death, Transformer, Worldbridger. 6th Mayan day sign) what

what is this in reference to

Symbol: skulls of any kind, so the design on her shirt changes constantly. usually the skull is White (which is the color of Death in Mayan astrology) and Red (which has come to symbolize Death now not really) Sometimes the skull will have a vulture on/near it. As the Vulture is the foe of Death, this presumably means she is her own greatest enemy. …that’s actually kind of cool

Mythological entity named for that’s a really specific category: Aztec goddess Cihuacoatl (Partly a fire goddess …….cihuacoatl was a motherhood and fertility goddess?)

and was associated with midwives and, uh, sweatbaths

and the Celtic goddess Acionna (Partly a water goddess) are you saying both goddesses are only partially affiliated with fire and water, respectively because cihuacoatl is not at all associated with fire as far as i know and acionna is only associated with water

Blood Color: Metallic Cyan…? Or…possibly between Cyan and Topaz…hard to tell when it turns to crystal not long after being (over) exposed to oxygen or any other chemicals in the air. what the fuck kind of blood Naturally the air born air born. born from the air chemicals effect how big and dark the crystals are.

God Tier: Witch of Rage

Duel horns match her dueling personalities. duel horns. her horns fucking fight all the time. her personalities also duel. they engage in fisticuffs every other tuesday She’s Bipolar or Schizo…or both…i was gonna draw a reaction image but my tablet stopped working again so i’m just gonna have to settle for a firm “STOP. FUCK YOU”. also, i’m not really sure you understand what bipolar disorder or schizophrenia actually are. also also schizo is considered a slur because of the derogatory nature it’s used in. bye sweaty as such her personality changes instantly and usually without warning. i was right

listen up kids lemme give you a lil fuckin lesson on these two mental illnesses that are portrayed very very badly and overromanticized by this person:

“Bipolar disorder, also known as manic-depressive illness, is a brain disorder that causes unusual shifts in mood, energy, activity levels, and the ability to carry out day-to-day tasks.” (nimh.nih.gov)

this does not mean someone with bipolar will “change personalities instantly”, it only dictates mood changes, so fuck you on that

symptoms of bipolar include: periods of unusually intense emotion, changes in sleep patterns, activity levels, as well as unusual behavior. these are called “mood episodes” and vary wildly from person to person.(manic episode) being very “jumpy” with increased activity levels, prone to agitation, risky behaviors, talking really fast about a bunch of different things and feeling as though they can do many things at once, (depressive episode) feeling dead inside, as if you’re heavy and have no energy to even move, perhaps at the same time empty and unfulfilled with no desire to do things you usually love, sleeping too much or too little, frequent thoughts about death/suicide and probably making plans about it

to quote myself, “bipolar […] only dictates mood changes, so fuck you on that”

let’s get to probably the most self-dx’ed and romanticized mental illness now

“Schizophrenia is a chronic and severe mental disorder that affects how a person thinks, feels, and behaves. People with schizophrenia may seem like they have lost touch with reality.”

where are you seeing personality change. i’m not seeing personality change. schizophrenia is, very over-simply, an inability to tell what’s real or not anymore.

symptoms of this disorder include: hallucinations, delusions, “flat effect” (reduced expression of emotions through facial expressions or tone of voice), reduced speaking and enjoyment in life, troubles focusing or paying attention or executive functioning (the ability to understand and use information to make decisions) or working memory (the ability to use that information immediately after learning it)

so ? honie ? where. literally where. i am abridging this but i guarantee i’m not purposefully leaving out “personality changes instantly and usually without warning”. you know why?

because it’s not fucking there

what a surprise someone is romanticizing and at the same time not understanding and yet still undermining the struggles of mental illness

a little personal here but i’m friends with a girl who’s bipolar and buddy it’s not fun for her. her three moods are hypomanic, prepared for death, and panic attack. there is no personality change. only genuine struggle because mental illness isn’t pretty or a decoration for your self insert oc

bye sweaty,,,,,

Generally she can control the voices in her head inaccurate…………………, unless someone pisses her off. When she’s pissed off her eyes change from the normal (for her) golden with red spots to red swirls with icy blue as well. her pupils are actually dark blue. Because of this mutation, she usually wears super sweet red glasses with 3 points on each lens (most likely to represent 6, as in the sixth Day Sign). what does any of this mean in any capacity When she’s alone she argues with herself a lot, rather then keeping the voices bottled up…sometimes they’re her only company, after all… how fucking lonely do you have to be to argue with your voices jesus i almost feel bad now The only good thing about the dueling personalities is it allows her to control both water and fire. dueling personalities……………….

I suppose duel personalities may not be the right word no, it’s not. you mean dual personalities…as she it literally 2 different trolls stuck in one body…both Death and the Vulture live within her, Death being dominate. y tho She has the ability to seperate into both of these trolls for short times. HOW THO When she does Death becomes red, takes on the fire part of her powers, and uses only red psyonics psyonics in addition to taking the top horns and the red stripe in her hair. Vulture becomes blue, takes on the water, bottom horns, blue hair tips, and uses blue psyonics. It’s also worth saying her psyonic abilities are almost completely unusable to her just…in general. They generally show up without her knowing or control. “The only good thing about the dueling personalities is it allows her to control both water and fire.” …..???

She is incredibly good at video games, always coming just short of Sol when they play she gets points for not being BETTER THAN SOL XD SHE’S SOOOOO GOOD AT VIDEO GAMES but five points don’t help your current score of like -928374929871…there is one genera

“there’s one principle taxonomic category that ranks above species and below family, denoted by a capitalized latin name she’s better at though”

she’s better at though. She’s better at Horror games then he is because she is “very attune to death, whether it be real or virtual”. not all horror games have death also what does this even mean. i’m so confused She and Sol do a lot of gaming together and the main problem with her duality is that Vulture likes Eridan and Death like Sollux…however, seeing as Death is the main personality she get’s 1st pick…this has caused Vulture much annoyance and caused her to try taking over more often. uh

-extra info not needed-

Relations:

Aradia: BFFs do NOT bring my spooky wife into this. stay the FUCK away from my ghost girlfriend

Aaron and Morgan: Auspices between them. She describes them as constantly fighting as a serpent would with an eagle…they have no idea what she’s talking about. they’re dumb af have u ever seen an eagle pick up and consume a snake

Morgan: Good friend, as Death is the friend of the Serpent. i have no idea where you heard this but okay

Aaron: Good friend, as the Vulture is friends with the Eagle which she believes he would have been born under if he was born a troll. …there’s an eagle constellation? also vultures are friends with eagles? oh shit there actually is an eagle constellation it’s called aquila Her being good friends with both is why she’s also a good auspice. auspice would be a verb. the noun is auspistice

Jenny: Moirail

Vriska: probable Kismasis KISMASIS, the only thing they can agree on is they dislike the spider. since when did vriska dislike spiders

Other Humans: Takes to usually helping them randomly and with no warning ……….??????????

Other Trolls: Iffy, as they used to avoid her at all cost because of her mutation. However, because some of the others now are known to have mutations they don’t care as much. dude i’d fuckin care. her metallic blood makes me sick

Jaslusolo: a combination of jaculus (Snake)

and pervolo (to fly).

Her lusus, managed to escape just before the reckoning but couldn’t get to Cihuco in time to bring her as well. cihuco would’ve fuckin died?? if the reckoning wasn’t stopped the session would become null She is a feathered, winged serpent which resembles Cihuacoatl.

…..winged serpent who ?

With her help she is able to actually fly back in time what the fuck and to what she calls her “true home” on earth back with the Mayans. earth doesn’t exist yet bicht She speaks their language fluently as well,

which one

and she is the one who told them of the end of the world. no, the mayan end of the world was predicted by the mayan calendar and the popol vuh, a compilation of the accounts of creation of the k’iche’ maya. the popul vuh states that the gods first created and failed at creating three worlds, then placed humanity in the first successful word. in the maya long count, the previous world had ended after 13 b’ak’tuns (around 5,125 years) and december 21st, 2012, was when the mayan date struck 13.0.0.0.0 which they believed to bring about the destruction of this world and the formation of a new one, this starting the cycle again. try again hunty

Jansin Aciona: Dancestor, can’t stand her. yeah i can’t stand you either she’s named after Jowangsin, the Korean goddess of fire.

who

oh sorry do you mean jowangsHin, goddess of the kitchen?

She was relatively good friennds with Nivnaj…not as good as you’d expect though. She was Cronus’ matesprite. ok bye

The Poet: that is definitely not eight letters Ancestor, most likely deceased. Was matesprits with The Wisest. still not eight letters Aporev: Close friends

Strife Portfolio: X2Whipkind, X2Bladekind sure whatever

Fetch Modus Setting: Pictionary Advanced -The advanced just means she can draw what happens with what’s on the card and it happens. ughhhhhhhhhhhhh like if she wants it to shoot out and hit someone- then what. please do tell. the suspense is killing me

Age: 7.4 Alternian Solar Sweeps (16 earth years)

Planet: Land of Pulse and Haze (Original planet destroyed. Presumably she started in The Land of Tents and Mirth, which is associated with the Rage part, but liked LOPAH better so claims it as “Home”) THAT AIN’T YOURS BITCH PUT IT BACK

Name Breakdown (Troll) : “Acionna was a Gallo-Roman water goddess, attested in the Orléanais region.” -Wiki. which one Not much is known about the goddess other then she was most likely representative of water. This is where her last name came from. “In Aztec mythology, Cihuacoatl was one of a number of motherhood and fertility goddesses.” -Wiki …..if you knew this then…….y tho

Name Breakdown (Pesterchum) : Acionna was thought to be protection, Cihuacoatl supposedly helped make the current race from ancient bones and blood of Quetzalcoatl (Who mainly gets the credit). Skull is the symbol for death. The other reason the trolls avoided her was because she showed literally as [BS] which is what they thought she was full of are you saying she’s not? until Sollux started saying the same thing a long time after. Perhaps because the goddess she was named after, Cihuacoatl, she was not named for any goddess her name was incoherently gurgled out of her winged snake goddess-that’s-she’s-supposedly-named-after of a lusus supposedly created the current race…she had a stronger connection psychically to happenings…the problem is sorting what’s true and what’s not from the voices in her head.

Info on her Mutation: This is what happens when a troll falls in love with a local. love is love but this thing is disgusting don’t do it again It is unknown who exactly they were, as the blood is to diluted to guess who they could have possibly been. ????????? look i’m no med student but i’m at least 98% sure that’s not how blood works This…sorda leads to say that it was mostly the local’s (whatever or whoever it was) blood taking over. wait i thought it was too diluted by……other blood, i guess?? what the fuck even is this It is probable, it seems, that one of them was able to wield fire and the other water, thus resulting in the duel personalities. why do i hate this sentence so much

Personality(s?) Qualities: Issues with anyone who tries to tell her what to do, she tends to sometimes contradict herself and speaks in riddles which are always hard to figure out except when they’re not and they’re easy. wow thanks had no idea She hosts qualities from both Death and Vulture, and they are as follows. Death is “open to ideas and willing to make sacrifices for the greater good…sensitive to endings of any kind, and it can be hard for (her) to accept losses. Practical, Oversensitive, Fragile.” While the Vulture is “very self-aware and concerned about (her) status in the world. (She) places a high value on life experiences, wanting to learn as much as possible from the triumphs and challenges they offer. (She) can appear a bit jaded and ruthless to others, but that is because (she) sees things as they are and thus tend to be cynical. (She) dislikes being judged, and if (she) feels under scrutiny (her) self-esteem takes a blow. Knowledgeable, Wise, Challenging, Jaded, Cynical.” -Horoscope.com oh my god

Rules Broken: all of them. all of them? every single one. not the naming rule though. but only for the troll herself. everyone else can go suck a dick

Fantroll Rating: look i started working on this blazing heap of trash at around 1915 now it’s 2058. what the fuck man

#submission #awfully horribly bad troll #canon relationships #cull it now #dark past #insane #mismatching eyes #mutant #overpowered #too much color #non canon blood color

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jackednephi · 7 years ago

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Tagged by @deafchildcrossing

Nicknames: Vanny, princess or pumpkin from my father, kiddo from every other parental figure, all kinds of pet names from my spouses

Gender: if the void of space could be a gender, it'd be that

Sign: what's not in scorpio is in Pluto so everything is super scorpio :/ also dog

Height: 6 foot even

Time: it's 8 am cause the cat yelled at me to feed her and I haven't been able to go back to sleep yet :/

Birthday: 11/16

Favourite bands: I have so many. The ones I can think of off the top of my head are Green Day, Halestorm, ACDC, Metallica, Evanescence, Creed

favourite solo artists: there are so many uh... Ängie, Lady Gaga, Avril Lavigne, Awkwafina, Nicki Minaj, Mona Haydar (she did Wrap my Hijab and Dog) gjsksjf there are so many who do I even list

song stuck in my head: Spun by Ängie with a little Wrap my Hijab by Mona Haydar

last movie I watched: it was a Scooby Doo movie featuring world renowned wrestlers like the Undertaker and it was loads of fun

Last show I watched: Elementary

When did I create this blog: end of 2017

What do I usually post: Mormon stuff as well as how I relate as an inactive member struggling with faith and queerness

What did you last google?: Japanese to English cause my waifu used vocab I didn't recognize

Other blogs: vann-haal is my main, porg-alicious is for my buddy to make her smile, a Homestuck blog I made back in 2012 cause I will forever be grey trash, a mental illness blog for my personality disorder, a hoarde where I keep pretty people password protected, and I have the url smjaygal hoarded for idk what yet

Do I get asks: not often :(

Why did I choose this URL: I took it cause of a joke I made with @starseedjenny about Nephi being swole

following: somewhere between 275 and 300

followers: like 30

average hour of sleep: it's so inconsistent I have no idea

lucky numbers: 3, 13, 16

Instrument: piano, organ, flute, any sax ever but I prefer baritone, a little viola bit I wanna learn bass cause I'm a sucker for a crunchy bass line and rock has so many

What am I wearing: grey sweatpants and a spiderman tshirt

Dream Job: I wanna be an editor for someone like scholastic :/ but like the kind who sees what comes in and determines if it even makes it to editing staff so I can get more queer stuff on shelves and tell middle aged white dudes to stop being boring

dream trip: take my lovelies to Japan with a stopover in Hawaii both coming and going

Favourite food: depends on if you mean comfort food, dessert, etc cause I really love food and I have several favorites depending on category but if you mean food I can eat a disgusting amount of and not get sick that'd be bacon cheeseburgers

Nationality: American

favourite song: I WILL NOT CHOOSE FROM ALL MY BABIES AND YOU CANNOT MAKE ME MUSIC IS TOO IMPORTANT FOR CHOICE

Last book I read: in general, Abhorsen by Garth Nix but all the way through would be Lirael

3 favourite fandoms: I hate fandoms so much cause they're horribly toxic but if you mean canon worlds then Old Kingdom, Discworld, and Star Trek

tagging: lol do this if you want I think most people on my mutuals have been tagged already

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simpcitybaby · 7 years ago

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Don't cha know I'm in love

A/N: Okay so I have the song “Uptown Girl” stuck in my head so that’s kinda what this song is based off of, ya feel? Curly is such a fucking complex character and I wrote him my way.

PSA: That Was Then, This Is Now is on YouTube also I’m on mobile so this formatting is shitty, also I didn’t proof read

Word Count: 2703 words

Curly x Reader

Warnings: Idfk, swear words ig —————– Let’s Begin ——————- In the middle. That’s what you were. You weren’t a greaser nor a soc but you had friends in both categories. You were best friends with Sherri Valance and Angela Shepard, the three of you were unlikely friends. You were always caught hanging around with Ponyboy, Johnny, and the whole gang. Cherry would constantly invite you to hang out with her and Bob to which the answer was always no. Bob was a complete asshole and so were his friends. You met Angela’s brother Curly when you were 8, he wasn’t as bad back then but he always felt the need to upstage his older brother Tim. He would always tag along with you and Angela but you didn’t see him as much anymore since he was in and out of the reformatory for awhile. He managed to be released and today the Shepard gang was having a party for him which meant that you had the job of inviting your main greasers. You inched up the stairs of the Curtis residence and the door swung open, revealing Sodapop.

“You guys! Our little uptown girl is here!” You rolled your eyes at the nickname that he had given you so many years ago. Out of the gang, Soda was the easiest one to talk to when it came to boys and relationships. He was an absolute sweetheart but he’d get down and dirty if he needed to protect you or the boys.

“Maybe you should change the name to middle-class girl.” You poked your tongue out as you teased him. “Uptown girl has a better ring to it. It also sounds cool when we’re called the backstreet guys.” “You mean the Backstreet Boys?” “No (Y/N). Uptown girl is always looking for the backstreet guys.” You sighed before shaking your head, “It’d sound better if you said downtown boys.” You were met with the sound of a pencil scribbling across a piece of paper before hearing, “Ponyboy is going to write a song about you. Did you get that Pone?” Soda peeked over Pony’s shoulder as Pony read,

“Uptown girl, she’s been living in her uptown world, I bet she’s never had a backstreet guy, I bet her mama never told her why… That’s all I have for now.” The whole room filled with laughter when Johnny brought out a guitar and started playing some chords to go along with Pony’s new poem. “I came to invite you guys to the Shepards party tonight not to have a song written about me.” You laughed before Two-Bit piped up, “Are you excited to see your Romeo?” He was met with an eye roll and a quick, “he doesn’t like me that way.” “(Y/N), man. The boy has the hots for you.” A chorus of yups and who wouldn’t’s filled the air, causing you to blush.

Curly was stone cold and hardheaded. He never wanted to admit when he was wrong and he prided himself on the amount of arrests he’s had. He was never serious about relationships but he was always there for you. When you got a lead in the school musical he was the one who dragged Angela to go and see it. The whole time he was going on and on saying things like “what the fuck is this shit? Fucking stupid that’s what this is.” and “nobody actually does that in real life.” But he was lowkey enjoying himself and his smile widened once graced the stage with your presence. Curly even brought you flowers but reminded you, “don’t think too much about it. I just didn’t want you to be embarrassed about not getting any flowers.” You just smiled at him and reassured him that his bad boy image was still present and that you were thankful for his thoughtfulness even though you had several bouquets of flowers in your hands. On your birthday he had stolen a pearl necklace for you but quickly added, “You know I can’t afford to buy you pearls but I can steal some for you, so be fucking grateful.” Unbeknownst to you, his face lit up every time he saw you wearing the necklace.

Darry pulled you out of your thoughts when he said, “Don’t let them bother you. Just go home and get ready, we’ll pick you up say 8 o'clock and then head over to Buck’s.” On the way out you were met with Cherry’s smiling face, “I knew you’d be here! I want to help you get ready for the party.” She wiggled her brows suggestively before pulling you towards your house which sat directly in the middle of the South and East side. Sherri decided that she wasn’t going to go to the party because she didn’t want to be the reason that Bob started shit with the gang. So instead of being your wing-woman, she was going to dress you to the nines. ——————-Time Skip —————— Your body was clad in a yellow pinup dress while your feet were snug in your white vans. Your makeup was ideal and it accented your (E/C) eyes, making them glisten in the moonlight. Your stomach erupted into a flurry of butterflies as time ticked down. You were about to see Curly for the first time in months and you didn’t know what to expect. He always bragged to Angela that you were his better half but what if that changed? You wouldn’t be able to blend into the scene and hide from him since you were wearing a bright ass yellow dress but you wore it because Curly loved the color on you. If you had it your way he wouldn’t be in and out of the reformatory, he’d be home with you.

Meanwhile, Curly had dragged Angela into his room and said, “What the fuck do I wear, Angel?” Angela smirked at the nickname because she knew that she was anything but. “Since when were you worried about wearing the wrong thing?” “Since (Y/N) is fucking going to be there! Is that what you wanted to hear, you cold hearted bitch.” “Wear one of those nice button ups that you stole and some jeans. Oh! Also wear your jacket, not that you could forget it but bring it just in case she gets cold.” “Angela this isn’t a fucking movie and I’m not going to sling my jacket over her shoulders and be cold myself.” “You know you’d fucking do it you big softie. You really like her even though you wouldn’t say so. If you want a girl like that, you’ve gotta treat her right.” “Get out of my fucking room.” Angela exited as Curly threw himself on the bed, burying his head in his hands. He always went for broads but with you it was different. You couldn’t be classified in that category, you were too good for that label. He wanted to prove to you that he’s good enough and that he’s worth your time. You were his better half and maybe if you were around more he’d change his ways. Not fully of course but enough to stop going to the reformatory. “Ready to go, you little shit?” Tim’s head peaked into Curly’s room and with that, they left. ————- Bitch it’s party time ————– When you stepped outside of your front door you were met with the boys dressed fairly nice. “Shit, you guys look sexy.” You announced this as you guys started walking to Buck’s. “Don’t you look beautiful as ever, (Y/N).” Steve slung an arm over your shoulder as he said this, causing you to let out a snort while laughing. “Aren’t you something, Randle?” It was a fairly nice walk filled with banter and giggles but upon arriving at Buck’s you started to freak out.

All of the guys made their entrance while Dally stayed back with you. “Stop freaking out, man. You’re making me feel nauseous for you.” You glared at Dally and responded with, “Dallas, what if he’s changed? What if he doesn’t like me anymore? I should’ve stayed home.” You rambled on and on which led Dally to put his hand over your mouth. “Shut the fuck up already. You look like an angel among us all and if he doesn’t like you then he can go suck a dick. You can find someone better than him if he’s going to mess with your emotions. You’re a good kid and you’re gonna have fun, yadda yadda yadda. Let’s go fucking party now because this pep talk is over.” You smiled because you could tell that Dallas cared for you. The two of you walked in an were met with dim red lights and alcohol.

Out of everyone, Tim spotted you first. “Hey (Y/N)! Angela’s over there. Have a good time okay?” He ruffled your hair before pushing you in Angela’s direction. “FUCKING SHIT! MY BEST FRIEND LOOKS LIKE A GODDESS. I’M ABOUT READY TO DIE OVER HERE, YOU LOOK SO FINE.” You were met with an embrace and a whisper in your ear which said, “Bitch, Curly is over by the stairs leaning against the wall. He’s been waiting for you all night. If you were anyone else I wouldn’t let you talk to him but you’re you so go get your man.” She pulled away and stuck her tongue out before grinding on some dude. “How much money did someone pay you to wear that?” You yelled this over the music while walking towards Curly.

“Get lost broad, I’m waiting for someone.” The boy was glancing at the door, his eyes were looking at anything but you. How stupid is he? How did he miss you walking in if he’s been staring at the entrance all night. “Call me a broad one more time and I’ll punch your fucking teeth in.” Curly froze and slowly turned around before pulling you in by your waist. “I’ve missed you so fucking much, you don’t even understand.” “Curly, are you sniffing my hair?” He rose a brow and said, “Yeah. Problem?” You shook your head before gesturing towards his outfit. “You look nice! Why are you so dressed up?” If you looked close enough you could’ve sworn that he was blushing. “Just wanted to look presentable for a certain Uptown Girl.” He was met with a shove and giggles. “Curly Shepard got all dressed up for lil ol’ me?” “Shut up before I leave.” “You can’t leave, it’s your party.” “I’ll leave and I’ll take you with me.” “What’s stopping you?” Next thing you know you’re being dragged away from Buck’s and all the way to the alley down by the tracks. “As much as I like it here, I’m not looking for any confrontation tonight. Let’s go to the lot.”

You began pulling him in the direction of the lot before he said, “You make me want things that I can’t have.” Stopping dead in your tracks you turned to him and asked, “What are you thinking about?” “When ever I’m out of the reformatory I come to see you. It’s always been you. I scare away anyone who even has the thought of hitting on you because you make me feel things. I hate myself so much for these fucking feelings.” You walked closer towards him and urged him to go on.

“I should’ve told you that I felt this way a long time ago but I didn’t want to screw things up. You have everything going for you, (Y/N). You’re the Uptown girl and I don’t want to drag you down with me. The Shepard gang only gets worse with age and I don’t want to be the reason that you don’t succeed in life because damn it, you deserve so much more than this.” Curly sighed and ran a hand through his hair while his eyes became glassy.

“Curly Shepard. I am so in love with you that I want to throw up whenever I’m near you. You make me a good kind of nervous. You’re always there for me when I’m doing productions or feeling down. You have this whole, I hate the world, persona but with me you’re different. You just need someone to love you and show you that there’s still good in this world. I can be that person.” Your arms looped around his neck as he let out a nervous sigh. “I feel like I can’t breathe, (Y/N).” Your fingers danced across his face, tracing every single trait and then they played in his curls. “I can’t let you get mixed up with me. I can’t lose you. I can’t let you throw your life away for me. I can-”

Soft lips were met with another pair. Delicate and pillow like. He tasted like cigarettes and alcohol mixed with a bit of icing from the cake they had at the party. You tasted like chocolate covered strawberries and all things sweet. He couldn’t pull you in any closer but he damn well tried. You guys ran your fingers all over one another in the most passionate kiss there was. Although you initiated it, he deepened it and kissed you softly as though you could break. Both of you guys pulled away in a dire need for air after your tongues just battled for dominance. “I’m willing to help you better yourself if you’d let me. I don’t necessarily want to change you because I love who you are. But if you’re scared of dragging me down, we can build each other up together.” “I’d like that. So we’re in agreeance that you’re mine and I’m yours?” You nodded before leaning your head on his shoulder as you guys continued your walk to the lot.

You shivered a bit, swearing because you were going to bring your jacket but Cherry didn’t let you. “Here.” Curly slid off his near and dear leather jacket then proceeded to help you slide your arms through the sleeves. “Shit. I’ll have to thank Angela for this later.” He whispered it under his breath but you caught on putting two and two together. Angela and Cherry must’ve planned it out so that this moment would happen, you definitely had to thank them later. At the lot you guys stared at the stars and traced each other’s features. He stared at you with loving eyes as you fell asleep in his embrace.

Johnny and Ponyboy happened to be on their way to the lot and when they saw you two, Pony whipped out his notepad. “Why were you carrying that, Pone?” Johnny gestured towards the notepad and pencil “New song lyrics, man.” He scribbled before turning the notepad so that Johnny could read it. “She’ll see I’m not so tough Just because I’m in love with an uptown girl You know I’ve seen her in her uptown world She’s getting tired of her high class toys And all her presents from her uptown boys She’s got a choice” After seeing the lyrics, Johnny dragged Pony to the Curtis household in dire need of his guitar to put the lyrics to music. ~ Fin ~

Jk there’s a bonus part: “I swear to who ever the fuck is up there in the sky that if you hurt our little uptown girl, I will personally take care of you.” Dally had Curly’s shirt balled in his fist but was met with laughter. Right in Dally’s face, Curly said, “Hey Pony did you hear that? No? I could’ve sworn that I heard a little bitch!” “We’re serious man, we’ll hurt you.” Curly nodded and said, “I could never hurt that girl in a million years and if I did, you guys could personally kill me but make sure you let Angela get in on it.”

#Curly Shepard #the outsiders #that was then this is now #curly x reader #curly Shepard x reader #the outsiders imagine

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