#Caretaker Jaehyeong

[fairyniceyeah]

🌹🤍Day 18: "My body is one big ache"

@sicktember

Summary: Woosung is feverish, queasy and downright miserable. 

CW: emeto, talks of fainting

Sickie: Woosung/Sammy Caretaker: Hajoon/Dylan + Jaehyeong/Jeff + Dojoon/Leo

Woosung woke up shivering and icy cold.

When he opened his burning eyes he found the room bathed in darkness. It must still be pretty early, he supposed. A glance at his phone revealed that it was barely five am.

He still had about two and a half hours until his alarm rang but for some reason he doubted he would be able to go back to sleep. 

His body shivered again, a full jolt going through every nerve. There was no reason for him to be so cold, it was the middle of summer after all. But his body apparently didn’t get the memo. He was so cold.

It didn’t help that he only had the duvet cover on his bed, having abandoned the blanket itself a few nights ago because he had been sweating so much back then. Now he yearned for the exhausting heat that had coated his body in disgusting sweat. 

Not that he wasn’t sweaty now.

He groaned, realizing that if he wanted to fall back asleep he would need to get up and find the blanket. If he remembered correctly he had put it over his desk chair, right?

Glancing around by the light of his phone he saw that the blanket indeed was only on the other side of the room. He would just need to walk two meters at most and still it seemed an awfully long way. He hoped the warmth was worth it. 

Getting his heavy body in a sitting position was hard enough and he swayed dizzily even as he just sat at the side of the bed. For a moment he just rested his aching head in his hands, feeling how his forehead seemed to be the hottest thing in the room.

It made sense - he wasn’t supposed to be cold in August. If he was running a fever that was a good explanation. But he had no idea where the thermometer was. Did they even have one?

Getting the blanket would have to do. Slowly pushing to his feet so the dizziness wouldn’t overwhelm him was awful. Every part of his body seemed to ache. His head seemed to be full of wool and soupy thoughts. Every limb was heavy. 

He stumbled to the desk chair, nearly falling as he grabbed it to steady himself and it turned away. Crashing into the desk itself was the only thing stopping his fall. His hip bore the brunt of the impact and the throbbing pain brought tears to his eyes. 

Woosung took a deep breath and just held onto the blanket. His only goal was to get back into bed without face-planting on the floor. It didn’t matter to him that the blanket was trailing on the floor; it was less heavy that way. 

He collapsed onto the bed and just haphazardly pulled the blanket on top of himself. It was uncomfortable and tangled, some parts of his body covered and some kissing the cool air. Not that it was much warmer under the blanket.

🌹

Woosung wasn’t sure if he had actually fallen asleep at some point. It seemed like he had dangled in feverish limbo between painful wakefulness and restless sleep for hours. Even if he had been asleep it certainly hadn’t been restful. 

His hand shook as he turned off his alarm. The others would likely get up soon as well, their alarms were programmed for the same time frame. Woosung was pretty sure that Jaehyeong, never somebody who could get up at first try, would have pushed snooze for the third time now. Hajoon, diligent as he was, was probably already showering. Dojoon with all his energy would just jump up the moment his alarm sounded, later than anybody else's and still somehow always the first one ready. Woosung normally enjoyed hitting snooze once and then slowly getting ready. 

That day, however, all he wanted to do was get up and find another member who knew where the thermometer and the meds were. He suspected that out of everybody, Jaehyeong would have some. 

He knew the way down the stairs would suck, he knew that everything would be cold and that he’d feel terrible the whole way.

Maybe Dojoon, whose room was beside Woosung’s on the first floor, would be the easier choice. 

Woosung pushed himself up, nearly falling at the headrush that assaulted him as soon as he changed from horizontal to vertical, wrapped his blanket around his shoulders and only stopped for a moment to put on some fuzzy sucks his eomma had gifted him. He all but fell when he lifted his feet to pull his socks over his freezing toes but leaning against his wardrobes saved him.

He stumbled over to Dojoon’s room and knocked on the door, pushing it open before he could receive an answer. His heart sank when he realized that the room was empty. As if to mock him, he then heard the shower turn on in the bathroom he shared with Dojoon. He was too late.

Desperate for relief and not wanting to continue to suffer alone, Woosung decided to brave the stairs. He clutched at the railing with one hand, the other holding the blanket around his shoulders. It had been a stupid decision to put on the socks - he very nearly slipped on the wooden surface with them a few times. 

🌹

By the time he had made it down half the stairs he was sweating like crazy, panting and his vision was turning spotty. Scared he’d faint and fall down the rest of the steps, he carefully lowered himself into a sitting position, resting his head on between his knees, leaning sideways against the wall.

Woosung had no idea how long he had sat there, freezing and shaking, when he heard a voice asking: “Hyung?”

He lifted his head and tried to focus his blurry vision on whoever had spoken. Jaehyeong?

“Sammy?”, Jaehyeong repeated and then suddenly he yelled: “Hajoon-ah! Dojoon-hyung!”

Woosung winced at the volume but the maknae’s cold hand on his forehead was a welcome relief. When he opened his eyes - when had he closed them? - he found Jaehyeong looking at him with worry in his eyes.

“Hey, hyung”, he said, “how are you feeling?”

“Awful”, Woosung rasped honestly. 

“Hm, you seem to be burning up.”

Right, that was why he had decided to come downstairs in the first place.

“Do we have a thermometer?”, he asked quietly. Jaehyeong’s hand on his face felt heavenly. The maknae looked incredibly worried though.

“What happened?”, Hajoon asked, out of a sudden kneeling beside Jaehyeong. When had he arrived? He was only wearing shorts and no t-shirt, water from his shower dripping down his face and back. Woosung shivered just seeing him.

“I found him like this”, Jaehyong explained, a worried and rushed quality to his voice, “he’s burning up.”

“It’s the middle of summer”, Hajoon said with a frown and reached up to feel Woosung’s forehead as well. He winced as his hand made contact. Woosung pulled away and placed his dizzy head on his knees, Hajoon’s hand uncomfortably warm.

“Summer flues do happen”, Jaehyeong said with a shrug, “why don’t you get him to the couch and I’ll see where we put the thermometer and medication.”

Hajoon nodded and Jaehyeong vanished. 

“Can you get up, hyung?”, Hajoon asked, voice overflowing with concern.

“Help me?”, Woosung asked shakily, already not looking forward to the nearly promised headrush.

Out of a sudden a hot flush took over Woosung, who for the first time that day felt warm. It wasn’t as pleasant as he had hoped, in fact it was mostly the opposite. His throat felt tight and saliva gathered in his mouth. He swallowed, hoping feverishly that it would vanish.

Hajoon didn’t seem to notice his struggle, reaching his hand out to Woosung’s shoulder. Before he could make contact, Woosung felt himself retch. It came on so quickly that all he could do was lean over and spread his legs as a rush of vomit splattered between his feet and onto his legs.

“Well, some warning would have been nice”, Hajoon mumbled with a sigh, holding onto Woosung’s shoulder so he wouldn’t fall over. 

“Sorry, I didn’t…”

Woosung coughed a bit, cursing internally as it caused another wave of stomach contents to come up, then wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. For a moment all he could do was stare down at the dirty steps below him, his brain too tired to comprehend what had happened. He felt even worse now than he had before puking.

“Hyung, that’s disgusting”, Hajoon whined a bit, pulling his hand from his mouth. “Let’s get a towel. Jeff, go get some towels, stat!”

As if he had been summoned, Jaehyeong nearly immediately appeared holding the thermometer. His eyes widened in shock. “Shit, okay, yeah.”

“Can we go sit on the couch?”, Hajoon asked worriedly, turning his attention back to Woosung. The singer sighed, wrapping his arms around his stomach. He was so tired and the couch was so far away. But staying on the stairs, staring at his stomach contents also didn’t seem to be the greatest idea.

So he nodded, steadying his head with his hands as everything swam around him.

“Dizzy?”, Hajoon guessed. Woosung waved his hand in a vaguely agreeing gesture and held his head still until the vertigo had passed again. 

Hajoon helped him scoot to the other side of the step he was sitting on, so there was less risk of stepping into vomit. He held out his hands and Woosung grasped them, trying to pull himself up with Hajoon’s help. But all his strength seemed to have vanished and he barely got himself more upright before he had to stop.

“Are you going to faint if I lift you?”, Hajoon asked gently, crouching down to look Woosung into the eyes. Concern was written all over his face.

“Maybe”, Woosung admitted, wetting his cracked lips with his tongue. 

“Let’s move down until we’re at the bottom of the stairs, okay?”, Hajoon suggested, resting his hand on Woosung’s knee. “Less risk of us both falling down the stairs if you do.”

🌹

It was humiliating. Scooting down the stairs on his ass, one step at a time like a child. Woosung wanted to cry, and he would have if it wasn’t so exhausting. By the time they reached the bottom, he was ready to just curl up in a shivery ball of pathetic human and stay there.

Jaehyeong came back but Woosung didn’t dare lift his eyes up to him. There was a mumbled conversation between the two younger members but Woosung blended them out. His head was pounding in his skull and his stomach, now that it had started, felt very unsteady still.

“I’m gonna lift you up from the back, okay? My grandmother used to fall a lot, that’s what we used to do”, Jaehyeong said with a sigh, patting Woosung’s knee to get his attention. 

“I’m ill, not old”, Woosung protested half-heartedly, a bit offended. 

“Yeah, but we still would rather that none of us fall”, Jaehyeong replied, “try to let us know before you faint.”

“Hm.”

Jaehyeong hooked his arms below Woosung’s armpits, carefully pulling him to his feet. Hajoon stood by, ready to catch them should one of them lose their balance. They nearly made it into a standing position before Woosung started to see black spots dancing in his vision and he felt himself start to sway.

He didn’t even need to say anything as immediately Hajoon was there, lifting Woosung under his knees and below his back, hefting him up to his chest. His vision went black but Woosung was sure he hadn’t really passed out. He dropped his head on Hajoon’s shoulder and let himself be carried to the couch. 

The cool leather was soothing against his burning skin for just a few seconds before it became uncomfortable. He curled into himself, trying to minimize the space where his sensitive skin touched anything. 

“Hi, hyung. Can you look at me for a moment?”, Hajoon asked gently, brushing back Woosung’s hair back. The older opened his eyes - since when were they burning? - and blinked up at the two Hajoon’s he saw until the left morphed into the right one.

“You’re really out of him, huh? Let me take your temperature.”

Hajoon placed the thermometer under Woosung’s tongue and entangled their fingers while they waited. 

“39.1°C”, the drummer read, “sounds about right.”

🌹

“What’s going on here?”, Dojoon’s voice suddenly called from the steps. “Who’s sick?”

“Sammy”, Hajoon replied loudly, causing Woosung to wince at the sound. A shushed apology followed. 

“Oh, hey”, Dojoon greeted as he rushed to the couch, falling to his knees next to Hajoon and instantly starting to caress Woosung’s hair. “How are you feeling?”

“My body is one big ache”, Woosung mumbled and sighed. It was true. His head and stomach were both hurting in equal measures. His skin was still prickling and uncomfortable everywhere and his muscles were incredibly sore. He just wanted to cry, if he was honest.

“Sammy-ah”, Dojoon cooed, “you’re really not feeling well, huh?”

Woosung shook his head. 

He was so tired too, he noticed when his eyes slid shut. He wanted to sleep so badly, wanted to not feel miserable anymore. 

“Hey, stay awake for a second, okay?”, Hajoon asked tenderly, squeezing his hand. “Do you think you could take some meds?”

Woosung shook his head again. He didn’t think he could keep anything down with the way his stomach was aching. He was sure he would be sick again in the near future but he really hoped he could just sleep.

Dojoon sighed and then stood up. For a moment Woosung thought he was going to leave - and why did that make him want to cry? - but then Dojoon lifted Woosung’s upper body into his lap, letting him curl up there. It helped the aching skin tremendously and the small head massage Dojoon started at his temples felt amazing. He was about to drift off again when a voice spoke up again.

“I’m going to put the bucket here by your head, okay?”, Jaehyeong said. Woosung wasn’t sure when he had returned but he appreciated the gesture. “We’ll call the manager and cancel the schedules. You just rest.”

Woosung sleepily nodded and closed his eyes.

Notes: Big thanks to @sickiecloud who beta-read this and gave me the plot idea in the first place!

Masterlist links: Fairy's Full Masterlist Fairy's Sicktember 2024

[fairyniceyeah]

🌹🤍 'Cause everybody fears the one

Title from Cure (The Rose)

Summary: Hajoon has got the stomach flu – bad thing is: Woosung is terribly emetophobic. Jaehyeong comforts his hyung. Companion piece to Don't you worry cause I'm with you now.

CW: emeto, panic attacks, emetophobia

Whumpee: Woosung/Sammy Sickie: Hajoon/Dylan Caretaker: Jaehyeong/Jeff (+ Dojoon/Leo)

Woosung groaned as he opened his eyes to find the room still dark, except for the small nightlight Hajoon had put into the socket by the door. The soft pink light lightened up the room just enough to not stub your toe on hostile furniture.

It was the middle of winter and with his never-ending luck the heating in his bedroom upstairs had broken a few days ago. After he had spend an entire night shivering under his blankets and the resulting paleness and bags under his eyes, his members had decided that he was to share one of their rooms until they could get the heater fixed. So Woosung had ended up sharing with Hajoon, not that he minded. Dojoon was a notoriously fidgety sleeper and had kicked every member in his sleep often enough that he was undesirable bedpartner #1. Jaehyeong, on the other hand, while still, hated sharing beds and had been the happiest of all of them when they moved into the house with four single bedrooms. Hajoon was left and he didn’t mind sharing with his hyung at all.

Apropos Hajoon. As Woosung became more aware he realized that he was in bed alone, blanket pushed up to him as he had slept against the wall. He looked around to see faint light shimmering under the bathroom door. Suddenly he was wide-awake, sudden fear waking him up in seconds. He strained to hear sounds from the bathroom, trying to confirm that Hajoon had just gotten up to use the bathroom and was not sick.

He clutched the covers between his fingers, trying to keep calm. Woosung hated the fact that his mind often jumped to unjust conclusions, a result of his unrelenting emetophobia. When he was a teen he had hoped that the unfounded fear would get better when he got older but instead it had gotten worse. He knew he wasn’t as bad of as some people, as he had quickly found out when he first had reluctantly googled the topic, but still he had problems dealing with it. He might not carry around hand sanitizers and changes of clothes around, he wasn’t afraid of touching other people and he didn’t cook food till it turned into mush but every time a member acted off he was on high alert. Every drive with motion-sick Hajoon was a chore. Every trip to amusement parks was exhausting, caused by the knowledge hat people got sick on rides. Every cold or flu that caused violent and loud coughing in the group had him constantly wearing soundproof earphones, scared that coughing could turn into retching.

He shook himself. There was no need to panic. Hajoon was fine. He had just gotten up to pee which people did during the night. Hajoon was fine, he wasn’t sick and he wasn’t throwing up.

Still the fear gnawed at him. Shouldn’t Hajoon be back already? A quick look at the clock confirmed that five minutes had passed since he woke up – more than enough time for Hajoon to return.

Knowing he wouldn’t get to sleep if he didn’t check, Woosung pushed the blankets away and stood up, the floor cold against his feet. Slowly, despite every cell in his body wanting to run away screaming, he walked to the bathroom that connected Hajoon’s and Jaehyeong’s bedrooms to each other.

Just as he was about to knock, he heard strained coughing and the sound of liquid hitting liquid, followed by a retch.

No. No. No. No. No. He stumbled back a few steps, horror spreading in his body. Hajoon was really sick, his phobia for once not playing tricks on him. For a brief moment he wondered how it would affect his future – knowing that he hadn’t imagined things, hadn’t blown his suspicions out of proportion.

But that thought was quickly overshadowed by the building fear in his chest. Hajoon was vomiting, he was sick. And he had been sharing the bed and cuddling with Woosung for the past days. He had been exposed – he surely was going to get sick in the next few days too.

This couldn’t be happening.

Another loud retch came from the bathroom and before he knew what he was going to do, Woosung had ran out of the room, slumping against the hallway in defeat.

Away from the sound, from the proximity, from the contaminated space he couldn’t stop the hate in his head. He was their leader, for fuck’s sake! Hajoon was his dongsaeng and there he was – freaking out instead of making sure his little brother was alright. What if he choked and had trouble breathing? Surely Hajoon was just as sacred and alone as Woosung felt.

Pushing away his discomfort, the voices in his head that told him he was doomed, the pressure in his chest and the feeling he was about to cry, he made his way to Jaehyeong’s door. He felt bad for making the maknae deal with the sick Hajoon, but he knew that he couldn’t do it. Fetching Dojoon was not possible, his legs shook and he felt weak as a newborn deer. He wouldn’t make it up the stairs.

He raised his hand to knock, then thought better of it. Jaehyeong slept like a log – a knock on his door was a helpful in waking him up as would be the sun rising in Europe. Biting his tongue to keep his panic down, knowing he might be able to hear Hajoon again once he opened the door, he walked inside.

As expected, Jaehyeong was still dead to the world. With trembling limbs Woosung walked over towards him, and shook him. Jaehyeong didn’t stir. Damn his dongsaengs ability to even sleep through Dojoon misusing Hajoon’s drums in trying how loud they could be.

Frustrated tears welled up in his eyes and he couldn’t keep down the sob he had tried to suppress for what felt like ages, the pressure in his throat too much. He was too tired to deal with this, too emotional to think rationally and too overwhelmed to be able to deal on his own.

He knew he was doomed to get sick and it was the worst feeling in the world.

🌹

Jaehyeong jerked awake to the sound of crying next to him. What was going on? Confused he sat up and flicked on the lamp on his nightstand. His eyes widened in shock as he took in the scene in front of him.

There was his leader, his favourite hyung, crumpled to the floor next to his bed, sobbing hysterically and hyperventilating. It seemed like Woosung had been there for some time. They way he was curled into himself – it broke Jaehyeong’s heart.

But: What the hell had happened that would make his leader break down like this in the middle of the night?

Jaehyeong slipped down onto the floor, sitting cross-legged in front of his hyung. He reached out a tentative hand to lay it on Woosung’s knee, not knowing if he wanted to be touched or not. Woosung startled at the touch, apparently having not noticed that Jaehyeong was awake before.

“Jae---?”, he whispered, his voice raw and broken off.

“Hey, hyung?”, Jaehyeong said quietly, patiently, “what’s going on, huh?”

As Woosung lifted his head to finally look at him, Jaehyeong couldn’t help but hurt. The older man was frighteningly pale, his eyes red-rimmed and his cheeks flushed. The maknae was unable to tell if the leader was running a fever or not, he seemed sick. He reached over to find his hyung’s cheek cold and clammy, wet with tears, but no fever.

“Hyung? You are starting to scare me”, Jaehyeong said, unable to soothe the uneasiness he felt, fuelled by the fact that Woosung didn’t speak, “are you sick? What’s wrong?”

That seemed to be the wrong words. Woosung burst into sobs again, chest heaving from the effort and his whole body shaking. His breathing sped up to a point where Jaehyeong was scared that the oldest was about to pass out from the extreme hyperventilation.

“Breathe, hyung”, he said and reached over to press Woosung’s hand against his own chest, “follow my breathing. Slowly, in and out, in and out.”

It took a while but Woosung managed to calm down enough. Finally, after a moment of quiet, he cleared his throat and mumbled: “Hajoon is sick.”

Oh. That explained a lot.

Jaehyeong remembered the beginning days of ‘The Rose’, the day Dojoon had been sick as the first one in their newly formed group and the resulting panic attacks, even though Woosung had barely spend the day with him. He remembered Hajoon frantically trying to stop Woosung from scratching his arms open with unhinged fear, the confusion when they learned just how badly their hyung’s emetophobia was. None of them had heard about that particular fear before but Woosung’s reaction had them never doubt it’s relevance. He remembered the embarrassment and the self-hate, hearing Woosung mutter over and over again that he was a bad hyung, a bad leader. The group talk once Dojoon was better, where Woosung explained what was going on and the assurance they would do everything to help him feel better. But he also remembered the way Woosung wouldn’t go near Dojoon for days.

He remembered that fateful night where Woosung had woken up with the stomach flu, the vomiting turning into cries and the panic attacks that had them call an ambulance as Woosung kept fainting between bouts of sickness and overwhelming fear. He remembered cradling his leader against his chest as he threw up, choking.

He remembered being sick himself, left in Dojoon’s care as Hajoon took Woosung to a hotel room for the duration of his sickness.

He remembered the frantic hand-washing, the weary glances whenever somebody was feeling off. The headphones seemingly attached to Woosung’s head whenever somebody was coughing. The refusals to eat left-overs that definitely had not gone bad, the throwing away perfectly fine food which had neared their best before date. The need for reassurance that heating up some food again would not harm him. The nights Woosung was so anxious that his fear made him think he was ill, making him so shaky and nauseous despite being fine. Holding Woosung when he couldn’t sleep.

They had all learned how to help, how to reassure him and when not to push.

And now, Hajoon was sick. While he had been sharing a bed with Woosung for days, which made it very likely that Woosung would catch his illness. Jaehyeong feverishly wished it was food poisoning but they had all eaten the same food.

“Oh, hyungie”, Jaehyeong whispered and pulled Woosung to his chest, rocking him from side to side, uncaring about the snot and tears that would end up on his nightshirt.

“Can you check on Hajoon-ah?” Woosung sniffed and pulled away after a few minutes.

“How about I call Dojoon-hyung to check on Hajoon-ah?”, Jaehyeong suggested. He knew that if he came into contact with Hajoon he would be unable to take care of Woosung, as he would be considered unsafe.

Woosung nodded, visibly relived he wouldn’t loose his pillar of strength and support.

Yet before Jaehyeong managed to unlock his phone and call, loud coughing sounded from the bathroom. Hajoon was vomiting again.

All his process in trying to calm down Woosung went down the drain; the leader whimpered loudly and dove into Jaehyeong’s arms, whole body trembling. Jaehyeong wrapped an arm around him, holding Woosung against his chest to hide the sound on one ear. Then he used his hand to shield Woosung’s other ear, all the while grabbing his phone.

“Jaehyeong, what the fuck?”, Dojoon grumbled into his phone, clearly not at all awake.

“Hyung, I need your help”, Jaehyeong said, his voice sounding more timid than he had intended, “Hajoon-ah is sick. I got Woosung-hyung, but can you check on Hajoon-ah?”

“Oh shit”, Dojoon replied immediately, “I will be there.” He hung up.

Jaehyeong gently held Woosung in his arms, protecting him from the sounds until Hajoon was done.

“Let’s go to the kitchen and get you something to drink, okay?”, Jaehyeong said, as he lifted his hand from Woosung’s ear. Woosung, visibly exhausted by the events of the night and the fits of crying, nodded and let himself be pulled to his feet. Jaehyeong placed a gentle hand on the small of Woosung’s back, leading him.

In the hallway they passed Dojoon, who mustered their leader with worry in his eyes. Jaehyeong shook his head, not wanting a well-meaning question to set Woosung’s panic off again. Instead Dojoon raised his hand and carefully cupped Woosung’s cheek. “Let us lead tonight”, he whispered before slipping into Hajoon’s room to get to the bathroom and check on their sick friend.

Jaehyeong made Woosung sit down on one of the couches in the living room, having decided that that would be more cozy than the kitchen after all. As he quickly returned after grabbing a glass of water, Woosung was staring blankly into space, his small body curled into itself and he was hugging himself as if trying to protect himself. There were silent tears running down his ashen face again and he didn’t acknowledge Jaehyeong’s presence at all.

With a sigh Jaehyeong set down the water and crouched down in front of his leader, taking his smaller hands in his own.

“Woosung-ah-hyung?”, he questioned quietly, not wanting to scare him. Woosung blinked a few times, his eyes slowly focusing on Jaehyeong.

“I’m so scared”, Woosung whispered, his voice so quiet that Jaehyeong was barely able to hear him, “and I am so tired of being scared.”

“I know, hyungie”, Jaehyeong replied patiently, “but it’s not your fault. It’s a phobia. Do you blame Hajoon for hating heights? Do you think Dojoon is at fault for disliking insects? Do you judge me when I take the stairs instead of the elevator?”

“Of course not”, Woosung protested immediately. “Still…”

“You even accepted your own arachnophobia. Why does this bother you so much?”, Jaehyeong asked curiously. After the first group talk they hadn’t really dove deep into the thematic – scared they would trigger Woosung. They had talked about it when Woosung was not there, not in a malicious way but worried and trying to figure out how to help. The common thesis was that it had to do with his leader duties, the feeling that he had to be there for them when sick and vulnerable.

“I don’t know”, Woosung admitted. “I … I haven’t always been so scared. But when I was like twelve or something I was hit by a ball during sports class. It knocked my breath away – I was unable to properly breathe for some time and I freaked me out. I mean, I’m still not good at diving or generally holding my breath and I hate when I am unable to breathe. I’ve always associated … vomiting with being unable to breathe, I guess. Paired with a loss of control, body working against me. I hate it.”

Jaehyeong nodded, understanding the reasoning.

“And, I guess now it’s even worse. I’m the oldest, the leader. It’s my job to protect you all, to take care of you, to help you when needed. But beside being unable to provide help or comfort even worse I become a problem myself. I panic, I need you to take care of me. I am your leader and once one of you is ill, I am a liability, making taking care of a sick member even harder. I hate myself for it.”

So they were right.

Woosung’s voice had turned harsh during his explanation and for a second Jaehyeong watched as he pressed his fingernails into the soft flesh of his pulse point at his wrist. Gently he tugged at his hyung’s fingers till he let his hands be taken. Small moons were indented in his arm, a sign of pain and fear.

“Hyung”, he said, voice calm and what he hoped was soothing, “don’t blame yourself for that. You’re allowed to hurt. You’re allowed to be weak. You’re allowed to ask for help. You don’t have to carry all the burdens alone. We are The Rose, we are a team. You don’t have to be strong all the time, Woosung-ssi, you can rely on us.”

Woosung breathed out, the sound loud in the stillness of the night.

“Thank you, Jaehyeong-ah”, he said after a moment. “Still, I don’t … I want to go back to therapy, I think. This is not sustainable, this fear is no way to live. It’s exhausting. How often I see a Black Rose who is just nervous and my mind makes me scared that their paleness means sickness. How often I have to force myself to eat food, rationally knowing it’s fine.”

“I think that is a good idea, hyung”, he agreed. He hadn’t known that Woosung had been to therapy before but he was glad that he suggested it himself.

As he watched Woosung’s eyes drop, he grabbed the glass of water, wanting him to drink before he fell asleep. Woosung greedily drank, his body dehydrated from the tears. Once he was done, he leaned back against the backrest, closing his eyes. Jaehyeong got up from his crouch, knees protesting the kneeling position he had been in, and sat down next to Woosung. He opened his arms, letting the older crash against his chest.

“I’m proud of you, hyungie”, he whispered in his ear, rocking them from side to side.

They stayed that way, curled up on the couch together, Woosung nestled in his arms. It was peaceful. A safe haven.

Woosung had nearly drifted off when Dojoon entered the living room, softly knocking against the door. “Hajoon-ah is asleep. I told him it was not necessarily but he asked me to apologize on his behalf to you, hyung. So here goes: Hajoon is very sorry he didn’t nothing wrong but catch the wrong germs.”

Their leader gave a shaky laugh at that. Jaehyeong rolled his eyes. It was so typical that Hajoon would blame himself for something out of his control. He was soft like that.

The shared moment was over when Woosung asked in a tiny voice: “I’m going to get sick, right?”

Dojoon stayed where he was, knowing that getting closer to Woosung in this state after having helped Hajoon, would be a bad idea. Jaehyeong rubbed Woosung’s back.

“You may or you may not. We won’t know until it happens”, he admitted.

Woosung sighed and buried his face in Jaehyeong’s chest again. As he spoke again his voice was muffled and his body was trembling again.

“You’ll stay with me?”

“Always, hyungie”, Jaehyeong promised, placing a short kiss against his curls.

Masterlist links: Fairy's Full Masterlist Fairy's Masterlist - The Rose  

[fairyniceyeah]

🌹❤️Day 16: "At least it can't get any worse"

Secret/Stranded/Setback

@juneofdoom

Day 15: "Get me out of here!"

Summary: Dojoon hides his injured hand.

CW: injuries, emeto, self-worth issues

Whumpee: Dojoon/Leo

Caretaker: Woosung/Sammy + Hajoon/Dylan + Jaehyeong/Jeff

Sometimes it hit Dojoon in the face for just how much he was responsible. 

He was extroverted to his core - the mood maker of the group. His members looked to him to keep up spirit and morale. It was nearly expected that everytime they appeared on a show - or even just the behind the scenes filming for tours - he was the main entertainer. 

Not even Woosung, though also an extrovert, had as much energy as he did. Where Woosung did like to curl up with a book and be lazy, Dojoon had never fared well on his own. It kept the thoughts at bay, being with other people. And besides, in a group setting, he was useful.

Hajoon and Jaehyeong were both introverted, the polar opposite of Dojoon. Jaehyeong did come out of his shell often enough, joking around with members and staff alike but he too liked his personal space. Hajoon, however, next to introverted was also painfully shy. Dojoon always felt a bit responsible for him, trying to make him comfortable enough to not hide away under an uncertain smile.

Dojoon was also a hyung. All three other members came to him with their issues - Hajoon and Jaehyeong naturally as the maknaes and Woosung as somebody who did not want to burden the younger members, especially with their personalities. So yeah, Dojoon often sacrificed his nights for deep talk and comfort - not that he ever minded. 

Beside the extrovert and the comforter, he was also the multi-talent. The main vocalist surrounded by two set-ups of keyboards, a piano, an acoustic guitar and an electric guitar. While the others only had one instrument - not that he denied that playing the drums or the bass wasn’t hard - he played six if he counted singing. Which was why he spent a lot of time practicing - switching from keyboard to guitar to piano in one song was hard, especially if the switch was so quick you were still wearing the guitar while playing the keys.

Like the other members he was a valuable member of the group - they needed him and he couldn’t make them fall behind. It did take him the longest to learn songs though, due to the various instruments. So any setback he had influenced the whole group.

That was why he forgot to mention to his members that - when they rearranged the “living room” of the house they rented for their work time the day before - his hand had been under the shelf when it had collapsed. And truly at first it hadn’t hurt that bad. Okay, maybe a bit. A lot.

But he couldn’t afford to be hurt. So he had hid it for the rest of the day. Luckily they had parted ways to their own apartments soon after and he was left to clumsily order food for himself and try to eat with only one hand working.

His right hand - when he first had really looked at it once home - had already turned lovely shades of blue and purple and black. It was sickening really, to see the skin so discolored. And if he was honest his middle finger didn’t look as straight as it should. It was difficult to move it too, along with his ring finger and pinky. 

Yet, they were preparing for a new album. They were just practicing at the moment but the next week they were supposed to start the recording process of some of the songs. So of all times it was really the worst to be incapacitated. 

His solution? Ice the hand and hope for the best.

Dojoon probably should have known that that was a stupid idea. 

The morning dawned bright and early, as all practice days did. His fingers were pulsating from pain and any attempt to move the fingers resulted in tears coming to his eyes. It was a disaster. How should he play the keyboard like this today? 

Pain meds. Pain meds would make it better. And concealer would hide the bruises as much as possible.

The pain meds barely helped. His fingers still were stiff and painful when he came into the practice room last - his usual routine slowed down by loss of working hand, reduction to the non-dominant hand and prolonged by the concealing process. At least the bruises were barely visible unless one paid close attention to his hand.

“Good morning”, Hajoon chirped from where he was perched on his drum chair. He lounged around, clearly already done with warming up and spinning one of his drumsticks in his hand.

Jaehyeong was too focused on replacing a string on his bass, cursing under his breath as the instrument seemed to work against him.

“How nice of you to greet us with your presence, sleepyhead”, Woosung said, sipping on what was probably his third cup of coffee that morning. He only started functioning after that, so Dojoon was used to his particular brand of caffeine deprived rudeness.

That didn’t stop him from snapping at the other, however. He hadn’t even meant to sound so annoyed and angry, when he bit out: “Fuck off, Sammy.”

Their oldest raised his hands in defense - nearly spilling his coffee all over himself in the process - and grimaced. “Wow, somebody got up on the wrong side of the bed today.”

Dojoon was ready to snap again, not up for joking while he dreaded the coming practice. He never had had the greatest patience.

But then Hajoon furrowed his brow and put his drumstick aside. “Are you okay, hyung?”, he asked sweetly, as always worried and trying to keep the peace. Knowing his distaste for fights had stopped some arguments before they had gotten bad in the past before and sometimes Hajoon used that to his advantage.

At once Dojoon’s annoyance vanished and he sighed warily. “Yeah, I’m fine. Sorry for snapping. I didn’t sleep well”, he explained, not even lying. Falling asleep had been hard, every position, every movement bringing pain.

“Did something happen?”, Jaehyeong asked, finally looking up from his bass. Apparently he had been paying attention after all. 

“No. Just a bad night, I guess.”

The others nodded, convinced.

Practice went … well, Dojoon couldn’t remember many practices that were worse than today’s. There had been the time when Woosung had pneumonia or when Hajoon had fainted in the middle of the set but that was about it. He had quickly given up his plans on working with his keyboard. It just wasn’t doable with the injured fingers. Playing the guitar was possible for the most part. While the day before he had cursed that it was his dominant hand that was incapacitated now he was at least able to hold the guitar pick between his thumb and index finger and do basic strumming. 

Not that it was a pleasant feeling. In fact, everytime he touched the strings pain shot up to nearly his elbow. It was really not ideal for playing any instrument. 

Nonetheless, he had no choice but to continue. He couldn't slow down their work. As soon as the others found out, not that he wanted them to, they would drag him to a doctor who would bench him for an uncertain amount of time. They couldn’t have that. It couldn’t be his fault. Dojoon was reliable. 

But today he wasn’t. They had to restart over and over again due to his mistakes. The other’s laughter as he fucked up (and had to stop the pain from showing) soon faded and turned into angry glares and passive-agressive comments. 

Yeah, mistakes were normal and they happened. But the extend that Dojoon fucked up today was not normal and not explained away by a sleepless night.

“Let’s take a break”, Woosung called after only the first hour, “it makes no sense to keep practicing like this.” His gaze turned to Dojoon, seemingly piercing him. Dojoon shrunk into himself, not able to meet the eldest’s eyes.

“Leo, what is wrong with you today?”, Woosung asked. His voice wasn’t harsh or condemning but it also wasn’t very kind. Woosung had no tolerance for carelessness and wasted practice hours.

“I’m sorry”, Dojoon whispered, staring at his shoes. His whole body was trembling from the pain and he was vaguely nauseous. Sweat was gathering on his brows and dripping down his face. His hand felt like it was on fire and the smallest movement was too much. That’s why he had fucked up so badly. Yet he added: “I don’t know what is wrong with me today.”

“It’s alright”, Woosung soothed, as he glanced at Hajoon who was looking a bit pale behind the drums. “Everybody has bad days. I can’t fault you for that. Please, just try to get through today and if there is anything you need, let us know.”

“Thanks”, Dojoon mumbled and carefully removed the guitar from where it hung around his back. 

The break didn’t really help. Dojoon tried to hide in the restroom to take more pain meds but Hajoon followed him there. Dojoon wasn’t sure if he actually needed the toilet or if he just came along to keep watch over him. If it was the last it was sweet but also very, very counterproductive. 

“Are you sure you are alright?”, Hajoon asked when they walked back, nudging Dojoon’s shoulder. It would have been fine if it wasn’t his injured side. Dojoon couldn’t help but hiss at the renewed pain.

“Oh, fuck”, Hajoon exclaimed, wide-eyed, “what’s wrong?”

Dojoon shook his head. “I’m okay, don’t worry, Hajoon-ah”, he said with more confidence that he thought he could muster, “I was just surprised. I am fine, just a bit of a headache. I think it’s making me lose my focus.”

Lying to his caring dongsaeng was the worst feeling in the world, especially since Hajoon seemed to trust him so much that he accepted the answer without any suspicion of lies. Dojoon hated himself a bit.

But at least that meant he was able to take more pain meds. That meant it couldn’t get any worse from then on, right? Hajoon, knowing that Dojoon would not like a fuss, just silently handed him two pills - the over the counter ones he took before a migraine struck and he hoped to stop it before it got bad - and even opened his water bottle for Dojoon, which meant they didn’t have to witness or had to question his struggle with the cap. 

As he greedily drank, having been unable to open the bottle earlier, he noticed how dehydrated he really was. Today was just getting better and better. Especially with the unnerving queasy feeling in his stomach that got worse after the pills and the water. He hadn’t had time for breakfast and maybe he should not have taken so many pills on an empty stomach.

Break soon was over, too soon. As Dojoon tried not to wince as he lifted the guitar from his stand, Jaehyeong came up behind him and placed a hand on his shoulder. Dojoon jumped, not having heard him approach and groaned as his hand accidentally came in contact with the guitar too fast.

“You okay?”, the maknae asked with a frown as Dojoon turned around.

“Yeah”, Dojoon replied weakly, trying to hide how awful he felt. He didn’t doubt his complexion had gone white. “You just surprised me. What’s up?”

“I wanted to suggest you try playing the keyboard for now?”, Jaehyeong started, looking at Woosung and Hajoon for backup, both nodding. “You seem to be struggling with your guitar today. Don’t force it. Sometimes there are days when you and the instrument don’t work well together.”

Well, fuck. There was no way in hell that Dojoon could play anything that required all fingers. The guitar had been bad enough. 

“Or you could just sit out until the meds kick in and your headache is better?”, Hajoon suggested, “take care of yourself.”

It was a beautiful out. It really was a good chance for him to call it a day, agree with Hajoon and hope he was able to play better after the renewed dose of medication. But Dojoon was also stubborn. An injury would not hinder him.

“I’ll just sing”, he decided, “I need to work on that too and only having to focus on that should be fine. We only have a few days left.”

While the other three looked more than unhappy with that, they nodded hesitantly. They were, after all, pressed for time.

So Dojoon sang. It was much better than forcing his hand to move. Yet, since he was only focused on himself anymore and not a conversation, he was starting to feel really bad again. His hand was pulsating in time with his heartbeat which was a little bit too fast. It was nauseating and combined with the strongness of the pain meds he was starting to feel really sick. Thick saliva gathered in his mouth and he had to keep swallowing which made his singing worse again. His uninjured hand had wandered to his stomach some time ago.

Dojoon, however, was a passionate singer. A very passionate singer and well, his passion translated into wide gestures and movements. He pushed thoughts of unwellness aside and forced himself to act normal - a big mistake.

It was in the middle of a song when he became careless. One second he was singing and the next pain exploded in his hand, causing a cry to slip from his lips. His hand had full on collided with the mic stand. His knees buckled and he fell to the ground, the mic stand falling with him. He was able to catch himself on his hands before his face could kiss the floor. His vision whitened out, colorful stars appearing, then he screamed.

When Dojoon regained his bearings he wasn’t sure if he had actually lost consciousness or just blacked out for a second. Loud voices were speaking over his head, overlapping with each other and so loud.

“The fuck happened?”

“You mentioned he had a headache?”

“He’s crying, fuck, he’s crying.”

“If it’s his head, why is he clutching his wrist?”

“The fuck do I know?”

Dojoon blinked his eyes open to find himself curled up on his side and indeed, his left hand had come up to clutch his right. His head was pillowed in somebody's lap, Jaehyeong he supposed. Hajoon was kneeling at his head, pale and worried, hands hovering as if he didn’t know what to do. Woosung was standing a bit further away, holding his phone but seemingly not calling anybody.

“Leo?”, Hajoon asked, sounding close to tears.

“I’m sorry”, Dojoon whispered, tasting salt on his lips. His fingers hurt so badly.

As he tried to lift his head, his vision spun and then his stomach lurched. 

“Sammy, leave”, he pressed out, choking back a gag. They didn’t need Woosung to have a panic attack due to his emetophobia now. Luckily, he understood what Dojoon was implying, turning white and fleeing from the room.

Hajoon had rushed away, too, either wanting to make sure Woosung was okay or going to find something for Dojoon to be sick into. If it was the latter - it was too late and all Dojoon could do was lift his head slightly off of Jaehyeong’s thigh. The bit of water he had drunk, turned white-ish from the dissolved pills, spilled from his lips onto the floor with a weak retch. It wasn’t much that came up, he hadn’t eaten since dinner yesterday after all and back then he hadn’t finished his portion too.

His body forced him through violent heaves even as he was empty, back arching and making him feel so out of control, Dojoon couldn’t prevent himself from sobbing.

“Hyung”, Jaehyeong whispered, running a comforting hand up and down his spine, “deep breath. Come on. In. Hold. Out. In. Hold. Out.” With Jaehyeong’s helping techniques, Dojoon was able to regain his breathing after a few minutes. 

The whole ordeal left him exhausted and he slumped backwards into the maknae’s lap, rolling onto his back. Hajoon was nowhere to be seen - he’d likely gone to make sure Woosung was okay. So it was just the two of them.

“I’m sorry”, Dojoon whispered, feeling ashamed. First he had ruined the practice and now he had even thrown up all over the floor. He was sure his dignity had gone home and was crying under his bed.

“Don’t be sorry, hyung. You were clearly struggling all day, something is up”, Jaehyeong said gently, brushing Dojoon’s hair out of his eyes. “What are you hiding?”

There really wasn’t anything to gain from hiding his injury anymore. So Dojoon weakly lifted his hand, wincing at the movement. The concealer had held mostly but even through it, the discoloration and the misalignment was clearly visible.

Jaehyeong gasped and reached out to carefully take Dojoon’s wrist into his hands to look at the fingers more closely. “Hyung, you’ve been hiding this all day? How did you play the guitar like that?”

“Very badly, apparently”, Dojoon mumbled.

“I … how did this happen? Why did you hide it in the first place? You need a doctor, desperately.”

“Yesterday when the shelf collapsed”, Dojoon admitted, not daring to meet Jaehyeong’s eyes. He didn’t need to, he could feel the shock the younger was experiencing without looking at him. “I don’t … we … we need to record next week. I need to be able to play my parts till then and we need practice. I didn’t want to make us fall behind, not because of me and a stupid accident.”

“Hyung”, Jaehyeong whispered, “you crushed your hand under a shelf. I’m no doctor but I’d say at least one of your fingers is broken. You can’t seriously think that the album is more important than your health? You might have permanently injured yourself, not getting this treated right away.”

“I’m sorry”, Dojoon said, voice shaking from tears, “I didn’t want to be a burden on the group. Me falling behind means a setback to the whole group.”

“That doesn’t matter”, Jaehyeong protested, “your health is important, hyung. What would you have done if I had hidden an injury and forced myself to play? Or don’t you remember how you yelled at Sammy when he continued playing after he cut his fingers open on the guitar strings? This is much worse.”

“... yeah, I know. I didn’t think”, Dojoon mumbled. He knew he had fucked up, made the group fall behind even more. His exhaustion and the pain were, however, more dominant now.

As if he sensed that, Jaehyeong said: “Let’s go to the hospital, okay? Then you can get some pain relief and once you feel up to it, we will talk about this self-sacrificing bullshit, okay?”

Tiredly, Dojoon nodded. 

Day 17: "You don't want to do that"

Masterlist link: Fairy's Full Masterlist Fairy's June of Doom 2024

[fairyniceyeah]

🌹🩵It’s better to be held than holding on

Title from She's In The Rain (The Rose)

Summary: Hajoon nearly throws up during the Q&A before a concert, is unable to keep anything down and still - despite his members worries - he insists on performing for Black Roses.

CW: emeto, kind of public emeto

Sickie: Hajoon/Dylan Caretaker(s): Woosung/Sammy + Dojoon/Leo + Jaehyeong/Jeff

In Hajoon’s humble opinion the Q&As were one of the best parts of their tours. Sure, the concerts themselves and the sightseeing were amazing, too, but interacting with Black Roses was definitely at the top of the list.

He knew the other members felt similarly and they always looked forward to it. Woosung and Dojoon - being the native English speakers and therefore more confident than Jaehyeong and in general more outgoing than Hajoon - often led the conversations but they were always good experiences for them.

Sadly, today it was not a good experience for Hajoon.

Tours were exhausting - constantly being in different cities and countries, meeting new people all the time and performing every few days. Hajoon had expected to feel a bit run down during their last leg of the tour.

So he hadn’t been surprised that he nearly had drifted off during the rather short drive to the venue that day if he hadn’t gotten so nauseous from the motion of the car. Woosung had done a good job of keeping him distracted until they had arrived.

Yet, ever since Hajoon had not been doing so hot. His head ached, his whole body did if he was honest. The nausea had faded down but never gone away and he was so tired and lethargic. Soundcheck had really been exhausting and he dreaded the coming show. 

He felt bad about it but his energy was all but gone.

🌹

Standing around during the questions had proven exhausting so rather quickly Hajoon had sat down somewhere in the middle of the stage and stayed there. His members had thrown him a few glances but had ignored it for the sake of the fans. No need for them to suspect anything amiss.

Until about ten minutes ago everything had been fine and Hajoon had felt confident that he could hold out. But then a wave of hotness and general unwellness had washed over him and left him struggling. Sweat was pouring down his body and he was so hot under the stage lights. He had taken off his jacket but then had started shivering from the cold. Nausea was sitting at the back of his throat and he had to keep swallowing. This was not ideal. The drummer hated himself for it but he wished the Q&A was over quickly.

The members had noticed quickly that he was off his game and kindly tried to keep Black Roses entertained and off his case. If he was honest Hajoon couldn’t do it anymore. He heard the questions but his brain was too tired and fried to make sense of the fans’ English. Especially when most words were drowned out by the loud pounding of his heartbeat in his skull. Woosung had thankfully realized and translated the questions into Korean and his short answers back into English if he had to. 

Hajoon couldn’t even really care that all his pre-tour English studies seemed to have been for naught. But he just wanted to get backstage. No, scratch that. He wanted to get back to bed.

Slowly Hajoon realized he might have to admit that maybe he was sick. Maybe. Definitely. 

The nausea that was growing stronger with every second was like a dangerous monster creeping up on him, he wasn’t sure when he would be attacked by it but he would be. He just wanted to be off-stage for that.

Hajoon really didn’t fancy puking in front of Black Rose.

He was so focused on how awful he was feeling that he didn’t even notice Jaehyeong squatting down beside him. The maknae had taken out his earpiece and held his microphone as far away as he whispered: “Are you okay?”

Sure that at least some eyes were on him despite Woosung’s and Dojoon’s attempts to keep the crowd’s focus on them, Hajoon nodded.

Jaehyeong rolled his eyes at him. “What’s wrong? You’re awfully pale.”

“... I don’t feel good”, Hajoon reluctantly admitted, hating that it was the middle of a moment dedicated to the fans. His stomach rolled and he quietly groaned, only loud enough for Jaehyeong to hear. Oh, this was so not good. Saliva was gathering in his mouth and his stomach gave another lurch.

The nausea that had been a three out of ten just seconds before had suddenly turned into an eight out of ten. The drummer closed his eyes for a moment and tried to breathe deeply to get the feeling under control. It barely worked.

“Hajoon-ah?”, Jahyeong asked, resting a hand on his knee, hidden by his body from the curious glances. Never before had Hajoon felt this vulnerable.

“Can I lay down backstage?”, Hajoon asked uncertainly, swallowing loudly. "I'm so nauseous."

Jaehyeong's eyes widened. "I'll let Woosung-hyung know", he said and sprung to his feet, rushing over to where the leader was watching Dojoon answer a question. 

Hajoon shakily watched the two converse quietly, Woosung looking over his shoulder to assess him. Hajoon gave him a tight smile. He really wasn't feeling good and now that only Dojoon was trying to divert Black Roses attention away from the poorly drummer, he felt like he was being watched from every angle. Surely the videos of him looking like death would end up on Tik-Tok or wherever sooner or later.

Woosung nodded at Jaehyeong and the younger walked back to Hajoon. "Let's get you backstage", he whispered, "Woosung-hyung has got it under control. Up you go."

Standing up proved to be a difficult task and Hajoon clutched at Jaehyeong for a moment as his vision whitened out. The nausea he had forced back was rapidly coming back and he barely managed to hide himself behind the maknae as he gagged. 

"Okay, come on", Jaehyeong encouraged, pulling him to the stage exit, "you can make it, come on."

Hajoon stumbled behind him, hoping he would make it off the stage before he lost his stomach contents. Every step felt like it jostled his stomach, sending it up his throat.

🌹

The curtain closed behind them and Hajoon couldn't keep it in anymore. He just barely managed to lean forwards and spread his legs before everything he had eaten came back up violently. The microphone he had luckily muted earlier was taken from his hands and so he rested his shaking hands on his knees. Yet it was Jaehyeong holding onto his shoulder that kept him upright.

Over the ringing in his ears and the wretched sounds he made as he kept throwing up, Hajoon was able to hear Woosung's voice over the speakers.

"Sorry, guys, Hajoon-ah isn't feeling well today. He's going to rest backstage before the concert, please don't worry too much."

Embarrassment crept up on Hajoon, listening to his leader apologizing to the fans while a few meters away he was puking up his stomach. Tears rolled down his face as he kept gagging. He just hoped the disgusting sounds didn't carry.

Finally his stomach seemed to calm down and he spat out some disgusting bile. Jaehyeong patted his back and helped him walk a few steps away from the puddle to a random chair that Hajoon wasn't even sure had been there before. 

Hajoon sank down in it gratefully, not sure how much longer his shaking legs would have been able to hold him up. Somebody handed him a towel and he managed to wipe his face. 

🌹

When he opened his eyes again, not even having noticed he had closed them before, Hajoon was greeted by the manager's concerned face. Behind the older man the staff was rushing about, probably cleaning. Hajoon felt bad for them, he really hadn’t wanted to make their job even more stressful … and disgusting. 

Jaehyeong was nowhere to be seen.

As if reading his thoughts the manager gave him a tiny, sad smile and explained: "I sent Jeff back onto the stage so that your absence is not even more obvious."

Hajoon nodded. It made sense, even if his exhausted body longed for one of his members. The manager was nice, yes, but he'd rather have his brothers while feeling so ill.

"Are you feeling better after getting that out? Do you think you have a migraine?", the manager continued.

"I … I don't feel good. Haven’t felt good all day and I'm still kinda nauseous. My head hurts but I don't think it's a migraine", Hajoon whispered. As if agreeing his stomach rolled and he groaned.

"Okay, let's get you into the waiting room so you can lie down, Joon-ah."

"What about Black Roses?", Hajoon asked fearfully. For many of them it would be a once in a lifetime chance and he was ruining it. Angry tears made his eyes burn but he refused to let them fall.

"Your health is more important", the manager said firmly, "also, you can’t tell me you really want to be on stage right now.”

Hajoon’s stomach rolled again at the thought. No, he did not want to be under hundreds of scrutinizing but worried eyes. He could still taste the puke after all. He shivered. Why was it so cold? He really just wanted a blanket and lay down. And sleep for like twelve hours straight.

“No”, he mumbled.

The manager smiled at him gently and said: “Let's get you up. Can you stand?"

Hajoon nodded and rose to his feet. Immediately everything started to swirl around him, nauseating and dizzying him. He would have fallen flat on his face if the manager hadn't grabbed him. Hajoon moaned unintentionally and rested his melting head against the taller’s shoulder. He didn’t want to faint on top of everything.

"Hey, what’s wrong?"

"Dizzy", Hajoon whispered, praying for the swirling to stop. When it finally did he was alone with the manager, the rest of the staff gone. He could hear his members' voices over the speakers still but he couldn’t make out a word of what they were saying.

"Come on, let's lay you down."

🌹

Never before had Woosung hated a Q&A more than he did right now. Okay, he never hated any fan interactions but today was just plain stressful.

They all had noticed that Hajoon had been off since that morning and his stunt of nearly puking in the car had not reassured Woosung of his dongsaeng's wellbeing. It had surprised none of them when Hajoon had sat down quietly and started to rely on them to do everything. 

Was Woosung worried? Yes. Surprised? No.

Woosung just wanted the day to end and tuck his dongsaeng in bed so they all hopefully could get some more rest before the last two shows. 

Through some unobtrusive eye contact they had decided to let Jaehyeong focus on Hajoon. It was the best option in this situation. The two maknaes were very close and Woosung knew that Hajoon felt safe with the younger, more open to admit if he needed help. Jaeyheong, in turn, would stay calm and cool-headed, no matter what. Besides, he and Dojoon were the ones that always led the talking. It would be weird if they didn’t. Though Woosung was sure that the fans had noticed something was off.

But when he was approached by the maknae while most Black Roses were focused on Dojoon, Woosung was instantly even more worried than before. This was not a good sign. He pulled out one of his in-ears and Jaehyeong leaned over to him.

"Hajoon wants to lie down, he's nauseous", Jaehyeong whispered. Woosung instinctively looked back at Hajoon who gave him a very much not reassuring smile. The drummer was looking very pale and even from a few meters away Woosung could see how he was drenched in sweat. He really didn’t look good. There was no doubt that Hajoon was sicker than they had anticipated. 

"Yeah, get him off stage asap", Woosung agreed, "I'll handle everything else."

Woosung forced his attention back to the fans and with Dojoon's help tried to distract them. However, Black Roses weren't stupid and by the way Jaehyeong had hastily dragged a pale and quiet Hajoon away, they knew something was wrong.

Concerned shouts followed, asking what was going on, why two members were suddenly rushing off the stage. With a sigh, Woosung addressed the fans. He didn't even really know what to say, they had never been in such a situation before.

He settled on: "Sorry, guys, Hajoon-ah isn't feeling well today. He's going to rest backstage before the concert, please don't worry too much."

It barely helped satisfy their curiosity but a chorus of "get well soon, Hajoon" arose. It warmed Woosung's heart to hear that they cared about his dongsaeng's well-being more than about their own experience.

🌹

Continuing as two was hard, especially since both him and Dojoon both were too worried to completely hide it. It got better when they were joined by Jaehyeong again, who just slightly shook his head at Woosung's worried glance.

"Last question for today", Dojoon announced and pointed at a fan in the back rows for their question.

"Is Hajoon going to be okay? If not, what will happen with the concert?", they asked.

Whispers broke out under the fans. Some seemed to have the same question but others weren't happy at all with the rather intrusive question. Before anything could break out between the fans, Woosung simply said: "We will see how Hajoon is feeling later. But I know for a fact that he would hate to let you down and will perform if he is able to. Just be patient with us today, please. See you later!"

With a few waves they walked off the stage where Dojoon and Woosung immediately turned to look at their youngest.

Jaeyheong sighed. "He threw up the moment we got backstage. At least he made it but he really wasn't doing good. Manager-hyung made me come back quickly so I don't know more."

Woosung closed his eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath. Having one of the members sick already sucked. But somebody puking the day of a concert, hours before going on stage was a disaster. Everything in him screamed to just cancel everything and get Hajoon home. Of course they couldn’t do that.

🌹

As they rounded the corner to the waiting room, they were greeted by their manager who rushed to meet them.

"How is he?", Dojoon asked without a second to spare.

The manager grimaced. "Not good. Hajoon-ah threw up a few times and he's running a fever of 38.7°C. He couldn’t keep anything down so the medics gave him some antiemetics, fever reducers and pain medication via IV. He's finally asleep, we'll have to see how he is doing."

"What if he can't play?", Jaehyeong asked anxiously, "he was - is - so sick. I can't imagine him on the stage in a few hours."

"We'd have to cancel", Woosung said reluctantly. He knew it would be a catastrophe, so many fans were already there. But they couldn't perform as three. That was the problem of a small band. They needed every one of them. Without one of them they were not able to function. And none of them wanted to be on a stage without their beloved, shy drummer.

"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it", the manager decided, "but I promise you, if he can't perform, he won't. Let’s see how he feels when he’s awake. We should wake him in half-an-hour at the latest."

“Alright”, Woosung agreed, “let’s go sit with him.”

The manager nodded, knowing he wouldn’t be able to stop them from seeing Hajoon even if he had wanted to.

Woosung’s heart clenched as they entered the waiting room. Hajoon was curled up on his side on the couch, a blanket covering him from chin to toes. Despite it he was shivering in his sleep and sweat was rolling down his face. A bucket sat on the ground beside his head and there was an IV in the drummer’s elbow.

Dojoon and Jaeyheong made to move towards him but Woosung stopped them, gesturing at the other sofa. Call it selfishness or leader instinct or whatever but he needed to be close to his dongsaeng. 

Reluctantly the other two did as asked and Woosung sat down on the floor by Hajoon’s head. Careful to not disturb him, Woosung gently ran a hand through the younger’s hair, feeling the skin burning despite the medication. Hajoon didn’t even stir under the soft touch. 

The next thirty minutes passed agonizingly slowly. None of them spoke in fear of waking Hajoon, though it seemed like he could sleep through an earthquake at the moment. Dojoon and Jaehyeong tried to distract themselves with their phones but quickly enough the maknae rested his head against the older’s shoulder, who wrapped an arm around him. Silently they watched Hajoon breathe.

🌹

“It’s time”, the manager said as he entered. Woosung nodded and moved to a kneeling position, gently stroking Hajoon’s hair away from his face.

“Joon-ah, baby”, he whispered, “you gotta wake up, please.”

It took a few minutes of running his fingers through the dark, sweat-soaked hair and encouraging whispers until Hajoon slowly blinked open his eyes. They were glazed with fever, clouded and disoriented.

“Hyung?”, Hajoon rasped, his voice gone from the vomiting.

“Hey, baby”, Woosung said quietly, waiting a moment for Hajoon to wake up a bit more, “how are you feeling?”

“Terrible”, the immediate answer came, “what’s going on?”

“You’re really sick. Try to wake up a bit more, okay?”, Dojoon said, having come to kneel beside Woosung. Jaehyeong had draped himself onto the armrest of the sofa.

“I don’t wanna be awake”, Hajoon pouted. It would have been cute if it wasn’t so devastating. 

“We know”, Woosung explained, “but we have a concert in a bit more than an hour. You need to decide if you are up to that.”

“Concert?”, Hajoon mumbled, obviously still not really awake.

“Hm”, Jaehyeong agreed, “if you can’t perform, please tell us.” 

Hajoon didn’t reply, closing his eyes again. He pressed his forehead against Woosung’s hand, probably relishing the cold feeling. Dojoon took a deep breath.

“We need to cancel”, the keyboardist said, “this is ridiculous. Look at him. He won’t last the first song.”

Woosung sighed but he agreed. They couldn’t ask this of Hajoon.

But the drummer snapped open his eyes at the dreaded words and frantically shook his head. “I can perform, I promise! Don’t cancel, not because of me!” It was a heartbreaking sight - it was clear that Hajoon wasn’t even remotely awake but he still wanted to do his best for Black Roses.

“Baby, you’re so sick”, Woosung said. 

He didn’t want to cancel. Of course, he didn’t. But if forcing Hajoon onto the stage like this was the alternative? There was no way.

“It’s not your fault.”

“No, hyung, please, I can perform”, Hajoon pleaded, eyes wide open. He fisted Woosung’s shirt at the collar in what other people would define as a strong grip, but was very weak for the drummer, and held on. “Please, hyung. I can do it.”

Helplessly, with tears swimming in his eyes, Woosung looked up at Dojoon and Jaehyeong. The maknae was biting his lips uncertainly and Dojoon was looking like he was in pain himself. Woosung wished one of them would speak up, take the responsibility off his shoulders but they stayed quiet.

“Please, hyung, for Black Roses”, Hajoon whispered.

“Think about it, Woosung-ah”, the manager said. None of them had noticed he had lingered in the doorway the whole time. “I also don’t want Hajoon-ah to perform in this condition. But you are musicians, idols and people have paid to see you. It will be a disaster to cancel so late and if Hajoon thinks he can do it, let’s trust him for now.”

Woosung nodded defeated, wiping at his teary eyes. He never had wanted this kind of responsibility. Dojoon gently squeezed his shoulder in support.

“I’ll let the medic back in, okay? Hajoon-ah, you will do everything she says and if she declares you unfit, we will cancel. Consequences be damned”, the manager added and disappeared.

“I want to sit up”, Hajoon mumbled and, with a sigh, Woosung helped Jaehyeong get him upright, letting Dojoon fix the blanket. The maknae slipped down the armrest to sit next to Hajoon and the drummer curled into his side, resting his head on the maknae’s shoulder.

🌹

They stayed in silence until the manager returned with the medic in tow. “Dojoon-ah, Woosung-ah, you should go to the stylists to get ready”, the manager said, “Jaehyeong-ah can stay with Hajoon-ah.”

Woosung was torn. He really didn’t want to leave his ailing dongsaeng alone. Sure, he would be with Jaehyeong and he trusted the maknae with his life but he felt the need to keep the sick young man who became like a younger brother to him in his sight.

“I want Sammy-hyung to stay”, Hajoon whispered as if reading Woosung’s thoughts. Likely he felt the need to stay with his older brother too or maybe he didn’t want to burden Jaehyeong. 

Jaehyeong nodded and smiled sadly, removing himself from Hajoon’s clutches. Woosung had expected a bit more reluctance but Jaehyeong just said: “You heard the man.”

Together, with a small wave, Dojoon and Jaehyeong headed out.

“Hello, Hajoon-ssi”, the medic, who until then had stayed quiet, greeted, “do you feel better now?”

Hajoon nodded immediately. Woosung rolled his eyes and nudged him.

“Don’t lie to her just so you can perform”, he admonished.

“Well, I do feel better than earlier”, Hajoon argued back, sulking a bit, “she asked if I was better. Which I am.”

“Okay, let me rephrase the question: How are you feeling, Hajoon-ssi?”, the medic asked, smiling a bit at their antics.

“Uhm, a bit queasy still”, Hajoon admitted, “and tired. But I am sure I can perform.”

“Have you thrown up since I last was here?”

“No.”

“That’s good”, the medic concluded, “let’s check your temperature and see if the medication helped.” She held the forehead thermometer to his head and nodded. “38.3°C. It went down. Still a fever but not as high anymore.”

“So I can perform?”, the drummer begged. 

Reluctantly the medic nodded. “If you really feel up to it, I guess I can allow it. After the concert you are going straight to bed though and will rest.”

“I can do that”, Hajoon agreed, smiling brightly. He still looked exhausted and sick but he seemed to have at least shaken the tiredness.

“Promise me you will give me a sign or just leave if you start to feel unwell during the concert?”, Woosung asked, brushing back Hajoon’s hair that was falling into his face. 

“Yes, hyung. I promise.”

“Alright, I will let you get ready”, the medic said and disconnected the IV from Hajoon’s arm, “I’ll leave some oral nausea medication and fever reducer here for you. Take it shortly before you go on stage.”

“I will make sure he does”, Woosung agreed, moving his hand to wrap his arm around Hajoon’s back.

“Oh, actually, if you still feel a bit nauseous, try putting some rubbing alcohol on your wrist before you go on stage”, the medic said, fumbling with her backpack and taking out the pills and a small bottle of disinfectant, “if you start to feel nauseous smell it. Somehow it helps.”

Hajoon made a weirded out face and Woosung looked at her in confusion, then shrugged. She knew best after all.

The medic placed the pills on the table and left.

🌹

“You still have about an hour and a half before the concert starts”, the manager said, “try to rest a bit more, Hajoon-ah.”

Hajoon started to nod but aborted the motion halfway. “Hyung, I don’t suppose there is a shower here, is there? I feel disgusting.” He ran a hand through his hair and winced at the amount of sweat sticking to his hand.

Woosung grimaced in sympathy. The younger’s hair was plastered to his head and he wasn’t sure hairspray would be able to save it.

“No, there isn't. Sorry”, the manager agreed.

“How about this: We’ll take a chair with us and I’ll wash your hair in a sink, okay?”, Woosung suggested, “it won’t be comfy but you’ll be clean.”

“Thanks, hyung. That’s actually not a bad idea”, Hajoon agreed, eyes shining a bit in the light.

“Well, I always have good ideas”, Woosung bickered.

“Hyung, I really don’t want to do this but do you remember yesterday when you …”, Hajoon started and laughed when Woosung placed a hand over his mouth to stop him.

“Let’s just go”, Woosung said and helped Hajoon up, wrapping an arm around his waist to steady him. Together they walked to the bathroom where they were joined again by the manager carrying a chair, towels and even shampoo.

“Wow, where did you get this?”, Woosung asked, impressed. He helped Hajoon sit down on the chair they had placed down by one of the sinks.

“One of the stylists apparently got this sent as a giveaway by some firm. I didn’t question it”, the manager said, shrugging, “I’ll leave you to it.”

🌹

“Okay, here we go”, Woosung said, “take off your shirt, so it doesn’t get wet. We can clean up your upper body too while we’re at it.” Hajoon let him help, struggling a bit with any motion that put his arms over his shoulder height. 

“You okay?”, the leader asked when he saw the younger wince.

“Yeah, just … sore”, Hajoon mumbled, “it’s okay.”

“If you say so”, Woosung agreed unhappily but put the shirt to the side so it would not get wet. “Alright, let’s hope the water is warm.”

Luckily it was and Woosung wet one of the towels under the stream, using it to wipe off Hajoon’s chest. Hajoon had definitely sweated out some of the fever. At first the younger protested, wanting to do it himself but Woosung shushed him. “Let hyung do this for you, okay. Rest, Hajoon-ah.”

So Hajoon closed his eyes and leaned back. It surely wasn’t the most comfortable position, the sink at an awkward height to his neck but he seemed content enough with a towel placed beneath his neck. Once he deemed Hajoon clean, helped him lean backwards so his head was laying mostly in the sink.

“Careful, water”, Woosung warned and started the tap again. Hajoon moaned in contentment, loving the feeling of Woosung’s hands in his hair. Careful not to get any water in Hajoon’s face, Woosung gently ladled water over his head with his hands where the tap didn’t reach it. Then, once Hajoon’s hair was fully wet, he started to put the shampoo in. Having seen how much Hajoon enjoyed the treatment, Woosung took a few minutes just to massage his head before washing the suds out. “Okay, done.”

Hajoon sighed a bit but leaned forward so that Woosung could dry his hair. During the washing it seemed his tiredness had returned and Woosung leaned the pliant younger against his stomach so he wouldn’t topple over to any side.

“Hajoon-ah”, Woosung mumbled a few minutes later, “I know you are comfy but we need to get to the make-up artists now if you want to perform.”

“Hm”, Hajoon hummed and sleepily let Woosung put on his shirt and guide him to the other room where the stylists were waiting. As did Jaehyeong and Dojoon, who fondly smiled at the half-asleep drummer at Woosung’s side.

“Go, get yourself all dolled up”, Dojoon said with a grin, “we’ve got Dylan.”

Woosung and Hajoon were ushered to the two chairs in front of the mirror and through the reflection Woosung watched the stylist fuss over Hajoon while Dojoon sat with him, holding his hand. 

The stylist put on a few layers of make-up on Hajoon’s face but soon she sighed and said: “I need a lighter shade, Hajoon-ssi. You’re so pale, it will leave a weird line on your neck if I use your normal foundation color.”

She was right. Already there was a visible distinction between Hajoon’s made-up face and his neck.

“Try mine”, Woosung said, “I probably have the darkest skin tone after him.”

The stylist agreed and tried again. This time, with Woosung’s make-up - though it didn’t fit perfectly either - it looked better. Layers upon layers of foundation were piled on the drummer so he didn’t look as ghostly.

🌹

“Are you really sure you can do this?”, Woosung asked one last time. 

“Yes, hyung”, Hajoon said, internally rolling his eyes at his leader, “I will be fine and if for some reason I won’t be, I will leave. Besides, I tried the rubbing alcohol trick and it seems to work.” He wouldn’t leave unless he would puke on stage otherwise but Woosung didn’t need to know.

“Alright. Fighting!”

They stepped onto the stage and loud cheers started up. Once their first song was over, Woosung greeted the fans and said the announcement they had agreed on earlier.

“Hey guys! How are you doing tonight? We’re so happy to be here! Before we start I have a small announcement to make. I know some of you are worried because Hajoon had to leave the Q&A early today but he is feeling much better now. He rested a bit and will take it easy tonight. Please give him a loud cheer!”

Hajoon had never heard Black Roses scream louder before and he gave an awkward wave into the camera focused on him. He was glad he had chosen to let Woosung say everything because, honestly, he was really getting emotional from all the support he received.

🌹

Yet, somehow it only took a few songs until Hajoon felt the illness hit again. Though he had taken the medication given by the medic he was starting to sweat again and everything ached. With each note it got harder to lift his arms in time. His muscles were burning and he knew he himself was burning up again. 

It took only another two songs until Hajoon was starting to feel really nauseous again. He could hold out though - only one more song until the break and they could get backstage. If he didn’t sing, well, then he didn’t sing. They had Woosung and Dojoon for that anyway. In a small moment where he didn’t have to play he lifted his wrist to his nose, acting as if he was adjusting his in-ear. The alcoholic smell helped calm down the nausea a bit.

Still - one song turned out to be pretty long when your stomach hated you. Hajoon felt his mouth start to salivate half-way through and he had to keep swallowing. Also the movement from playing the drums was starting to really upset his stomach. He was just glad he was able to sit because he wasn’t sure he would be able to keep standing. 

Then, finally, the break. Hajoon jumped to his feet and made his way off stage as soon as he could, the other members hot on his heels. He didn’t care if his exit seemed hasty or weird or whatever. He just didn’t want to throw up in front of all the fans and cameras.

🌹

He pushed the curtain to the side and practically stumbled into the manager who quickly held him steady. But it also kept Hajoon from running to the bathroom.

“Hajoon-ah?”, he asked worriedly, making the drummer sit down against the wall a bit further away from the stage. Hajoon frantically swallowed, not keen on vomiting in the corridor again. But he knew it was inevitable. 

So, accepting his fate, he leaned to the side and retched harshly. Disgusting, chunky sick came up with the first cough and spilled onto the ground by his side… and on Woosung’s shoes. The leader had come closer to kneel by him but hadn’t expected Hajoon to throw up apparently. That was his own fault, really.

Woosung jumped back in shock but Hajoon couldn’t look up, too focused on the next wave of nausea which had him doubled over and gagging up more sick. He felt horrible. His stomach was cramping again and he felt so damn nauseous still.

Once he thought he was done he spat out some sour saliva and took deep breaths to calm down. For the first time he was able to feel somebody rubbing his back. Haoon turned around to see Dojoon, who gave him a tight smile.

“Feel better?”, the vocalist asked worriedly. Hajoon nodded and let the older help him scoot to the side, away from the disgusting puddle.

At the sound of laughter he looked up to find Jaehyeong sticking his tongue out at Woosung who held his soiled shoes away from himself at arm’s length with a dejected look. 

“Thank you for sharing. This is exactly the improvement my shoes needed”, Woosung said dryly, apparently not caring that much.

“Sorry”, Hajon mumbled. He hoped the fans wouldn’t notice that Woosung changed his shoes because they would figure out why and that would be embarrassing. 

“Don’t worry about it”, Woosung said, placing them into a plastic bag a staff member handed him, gratefully accepting some hand disinfectant. A stylist ran up to him with a new pair of shoes he quickly put on.

“Let’s get you lying down in the waiting room”, the manager said, “you’re done. They will have to continue with the backtrack.”

Hajoon shook his head. “No, I feel better now. I can go on, I promise!”

“Joon-ah, be sensible! You just threw up in the middle of the concert. You’re running a fever again, worse than earlier I’d say. You’re done”, Dojoon agreed, his hand deliciously cool against Hajoon’s forehead.

“No, I will go on!”

Woosung sighed and came to kneel at Hajoon’s knees. “Baby, look at you. You’re really sick. Your stomach contents are literally a few meters away from us and you’re dehydrated and running a fever. You’d still have to stay on stage for nearly an hour, think about it.”

“Hyung, please. For Black Roses”, Hajoon whispered and pouted. 

He said the magic word. None of them wanted to let Black Roses down.

“Fine”, Woosung agreed, “but if you can’t do it anymore, you can’t. Just leave if you need to.”

Hajoon nodded and they made their way onto the stage as the VCR clip ended.

🌹

Maybe Hajoon should have taken the out. Now, during the last songs he barely managed to raise his arms enough to hit his cymbals due to everything aching from the fever. His vision was blurry and he felt himself shaking. Honestly it was a surprise he hadn’t dropped his drumsticks yet.

But they only needed to throw the roses to the fans, last the group picture and do the ending ment. He’d be fine.

His hand shook badly as he threw the roses which barely managed to reach the fans in the second row, his arms so weak he couldn’t muster the strength to throw them further. Jaehyeong stayed close by his side, obviously worried and Hajoon couldn’t muster the energy to care about how it looked to the fans. He was actually kind of glad for the steadying hand when he nearly fell after his vision turned black for a second.

Suddenly it was time for the picture. Woosung curled an arm around him, helping him down. Hajoon shivered as he removed his arm, the only source of heat he had known for some time now. How high was his fever? He absently watched Dojoon and Jaehyeong fuss with the flag. Hajoon’s mind was too fuzzy to even remember which country they were in or try to puzzle it out according to the flag.  

The pictures were taken and Hajoon tried to get to his feet.

He couldn’t. Everything was swimming and tilting around him and his legs were too weak and trembling to support him. Woosung must have noticed his struggle because quickly he was helped to his feet and this time Woosung didn’t let go of his waist. Hajoon was glad.

“I did it, hyung”, he whispered as they waved one final time.

“You did”, Woosung agreed.

They stepped off the stage and everything went black.

🌹

“Let’s agree to never do something as stupid as performing with acute gastroenteritis and a fever of over 39.7°C again, yes?”, Woosung said as he tucked Hajoon into the hotel bed.

Hajoon sleepily nodded. 

When he had woken up at the hospital he had been faced by a pacing Woosung who was running his hand through his hair in full stage costume. Jaehyeong and Dojoon had sat down on the chairs at the far side of the hospital room with the manager, not looking any less stressed than the leader. Maybe ignoring his body’s signs that he wasn’t okay had been stupid, in retrospect. Hajoon hadn’t meant to frighten his members.

Luckily, the doctors had concluded that he was free to go after they had given him medication and fluids via IV (again). He was sent home with strict rules of resting for a few days and no performances unless his fever went away completely.

At the moment, however, Hajoon had no energy to care about their next tour stops.

“Stay with me, hyung?”, he asked, scooting to the side to make space for Woosung. Normally they all had their own rooms at hotels but Woosung had nearly thrown a fit and none of them had been too happy about the idea of leaving Hajoon alone. So the two were now sharing a double-room, though they definitely had the luxury of two beds.

“Always, baby”, Woosung said and kissed his forehead. Then he slipped under the covers beside Hajoon, letting the younger manipulate him into a comfortable position. 

“Sleep well”, he added as he was turning off the lights.

Masterlist links: Fairy's Full Masterlist Fairy's Masterlist - The Rose  

[fairyniceyeah]

🌹🤍Day 6: "They don't care about you."

Flinch/Broken Promise/Abandonment

@juneofdoom

Day 5: "It's not as bad as it looks."

Summary: Woosung gets told he can’t go home after all.

CW: idol mistreatment

Whumpee: Woosung/Sammy Caretakers: Dojoon/Leo + Hajoon/Dylan + Jaehyeong/Jeff

“I said ‘no’, Woosung-ssi”, the CEO yelled, slamming his fist on the table in front of him. Woosung flinched, scooting backwards in his chair, and lowered his head. He suddenly wished his hair was long enough to cover his eyes. The CEO had an intimidating aura about him and Woosung didn’t know what had possessed him to argue. Maybe it had been desperation. Now, not even that could wake his fighting spirit.

“Yes, CEO-nim, I’m sorry”, Woosung apologized quietly. He hoped it was enough. He didn’t want the man to hit him … again.

“Get out of my office”, the older man ordered. Glad about his opportunity to escape, Woosung practically ran out of the room, the door falling shut in his wake. Tears burned in his eyes and blurred his sight. He ran along the vast corridors, uncaring about the direction or if anybody saw him in his state. He just needed to get away. 

Debuting as The Rose had been a dream come true. 

Maybe not all dreams were meant to be.

Maybe some dreams were nightmares after all.

With the tears in his eyes making everything fuzzy and unreal he didn’t even realize he had subconsciously made his way to their practice room. Even less did he notice the group of people standing outside, talking amongst each other, until he collided with one of them.

He groaned, his head hitting somebody's shoulder, and faltered in his steps. The other person gasped at seeing him. All of a sudden warm arms were wrapped around Woosung and a hand came up to guide his head to rest against the shoulder again, this time gently. Soft fingers ran through his hair and he clutched at the person, their t-shirt rough in his fist. Another warm hand came to rest against his lower back and the people started talking quietly. 

Woosung let them talk, his own gasps for air the only thing he could hear next to the blood rushing in his ears. He knew he should be embarrassed, should not be breaking down in the arms of somebody he couldn’t even tell who it was. 

The embrace was broken then and a humiliating whimper escaped his lips. Somebody shushed him and a hand was entangled with his. He was pulled to follow the person and he let himself be led wherever they wanted to go. As long as he didn’t have to be alone he couldn’t care less where they were going. A door shut behind them.

“Woosung-ah? Sammy?”, a tender voice called his name then and slowly, very slowly Woosung came back to himself. The tears didn’t stop and neither did the shaking, but he became aware of just how much he was shaking and that the grip he had on the other person must be terribly tight. He couldn’t make himself let go. He needed the contact, the reassurance of somebody else being close.

“I’ve never seen him like this”, another voice said, shaking slightly. Woosung frowned. It sounded awfully like Hajoon when he was concerned. Then he realized he knew the person who was hugging him and he was hugging - though the motion itself was unfamiliar. 

“Leo?”, he asked, pulling away. And indeed - the person he came face to face with was his fellow 93 liner.

“Yeah. Hi. It’s me”, Dojoon said, mustering Woosung worriedly. Woosung supposed he must look a sight - frazzled, running around the halls of J&Star Company like a madman, tears streaming down his face. No wonder the others looked so concerned.  

Now Woosung recognized the hand still on his back as Hajoon’s, and Jaehyeong was standing close, too, rummaging around his backpack while looking at Woosung with his eyebrows drawn down in a frown. As he looked around he found that they had brought him into their practice room, away from watchful eyes.

Nevertheless, realizing that his three dongsaengs had witnessed his … episode left Woosung feeling embarrassed and very, very self-conscious. 

“Fuck, I’m sorry. I never meant to … you shouldn’t have to see me like this”, he mumbled, wiping his eyes roughly with the sleeve of his jean jacket.

“Don’t”, Dojoon said sharply, though it was an act of concern. He grabbed Woosung’s wrist and instead entangled their fingers. Helplessly, Woosung let him. “You’ll hurt your eyes this way.”

They stared at each other both unsure on how to continue, what to say. Woosung hoped they didn’t judge him too harshly, he was their hyung after all. He couldn’t appear weak, he didn’t want to. He was the one they should go to for comfort. 

The uncomfortable silence stretched on until Jaehyeong spoke up, offering a package of tissues to their leader. “Here you go, hyung”, he said awkwardly. 

Hesitantly Woosung took it from him, taking one tissue out and handing the pack back. He wiped his eyes and then his entire face, feeling a bit of snot on his upper lip. Disgusting. Then he blew his congested nose, facing burning at the echoing sound in the silence, stuffing the tissue in his pocket. 

“What happened?”, Hajoon asked, looking heart-broken. Their drummer, as always so empathetic, looked like he would start to cry soon as well.

While Woosung didn’t really want to talk about it, he knew they would not give up without an answer. So he sighed and gestured at the lone sofa. 

“Can we sit down?”, he asked. Exhaustion was hitting him like a truck.

Dojoon took Woosung’s hand in his again and tugged him along. But instead of letting Woosung sit down, he pulled Woosung into his own lap. The older protested, flailing a bit, but Dojoon just wrapped his arms around him tightly and Woosung relented, lifting his feet up onto the couch.. Jaehyeong sat down next to them, long legs folded up in front of him and staring at them. Hajoon took a seat on the armrest behind Jaehyeong, an arm slung over the maknae’s shoulder. 

“Let us do this”, Dojoon said, “besides, there is barely any space on this sofa for four people. You’re comfy like this, aren’t you?”

To his own begrudgement, Woosung had to agree. It was comfortable to be in Dojoon’s lap, held by him. Despite being younger than Woosung and a very loud and extroverted, silly person Dojoon often was the one looking after them (or at least trying to do so with Woosung). He felt protected in a way he hadn’t in a long time … not since he …

No, he couldn’t think about that.

“Hyungie, what’s happened? Why are you so upset? Did the CEO do something?”, Jaehyoeng asked, getting impatient in his confusion.

Woosung sighed, nodded. 

He needed to tell them anyway.

“I’m sorry. He said … he said we’re not getting that break”, he whispered, looking down. He wished he could now say he had fought more. But he was too scared of the CEO to do anything but obey and hope he didn’t get angry, violently angry again. “I tried…”

“We know you did”, Dojoon soothed, rubbing his hand up and down Woosung’s back.

Hajoon reached across Jaehyeong and placed a hand on Woosung’s ankle. “Wait, does that …? What about your flight? They promised you could go to see your family!” 

If Woosung didn’t know that Hajoon was normally a very calm and shy person, he would have been scared by the murderous look in his eyes. The drummer looked like he wanted to storm into the CEO’s office himself.

“Yeah”, Woosung admitted, “they promised… but they want more show appearances. I don’t even know if I can get a refund on that flight but I’ll have to stay here.” Then he realized how awfully selfish he sounded.

“I’m sorry that none of you will get the break you deserve.”

“We were able to see our families after the shows, hyung”, Jaehyeong said as Dojoon held Woosung tighter, “you were looking forward to seeing your family so much. Don’t act like it doesn’t matter. We saw your reaction, you don’t have to hide your hurt.”

“Thanks, guys”, Woosung said with a wobbly voice. 

He had promised his eomma and little brother he’d come home to visit soon, but it would have to wait.

Day 7: “What happened?"

Masterlist link: Fairy's Full Masterlist Fairy's June of Doom 2024

[fairyniceyeah]

🌹🤍 I got you, you got me, nothin' in the way (Part 2/2)

Title from You're beautiful (The Rose)

Part 1: I got you, you got me, nothin' in the way I

Summary: Woosung falls during the preparation for their tour and injures his foot badly. Waiting at the hospital takes much longer than he can endure.

CW: emeto, hospitals, injuries, IVs

Whumpee: Woosung/Sammy Caretakers: Dojoon/Leo + Hajoon/Dylan + Jaehyeong/Jeff

Jaehyeong couldn’t take the pain in Woosung’s eyes anymore. The leader’s face was pinched, whole complexion washed out. They all pretended not to hear the pain-filled exhales whenever Woosung accidentally brushed his foot against Dojoon or moved any way. The shivering hadn’t stopped and he knew it was not only the cold but also shock that had Woosung so out of sorts. Holding his hand, Jaehyeong had felt the rapid heartbeat and the clammy, cold skin. The leader kept rejecting any offers of drinks, admitting to still feeling nauseous.

“That’s it”, Jaehyeong said after another painfilled breath, letting go of Woosung’s hand and getting up, “I’ll go see if I find somebody who can give him some pain medication.”

The others looked up at him. Hajoon nodded, looking relieved. Jaehyeong knew that while he was hiding his anxiety well enough, Hajoon was deeply worried. Inside his sometimes scary resting face and broad built there was an incredibly soft person. Dojoon reached out to rest a hand on Jaehyeong’s arm.

“Be safe.”

Woosung kept quiet, his face buried against Hajoon’s stomach.

Outside of the room, Jaehyeong made his way to the entrance area. The ER was full to the brim and his heart sank. Surely this meant a lot of waiting for them. He approached the line to the front desk and prayed they would soon move forward. Despite his hopes it took nearly twenty minutes until he was able to speak to the stressed nurse.

“I wanted to ask for my friend, you know the guy with the injured ankle”, Jaehyeong said and gestured into the direction of where the room was. “I know there is a lot going on here but is it possible for him to at least receive pain medication?”

“I’m very sorry, I really am. But no doctor’s are available and we can’t just give him meds.”

Jaehyeong sighed, having feared that. “Can we at least have a blanket? He is shivering. He might be experiencing shock.”

The nurse nodded. “That is possible. Hold on, we have blankets in the back.” She disappeared into the room behind her and came back with one of the typical, thin hospital blankets. It would have to be enough.

“Thank you”, he said gratefully.

“If you want to, follow that hallway and you will find the cafeteria. You could buy him some warm tea if you want. Remember to keep his feet elevated.”

“Yes, thank you.”

He hurried down the way she had pointed and indeed there was a small bistro. He stepped up and ordered three coffees and a green tea. The three of them would need all the energy they could get and maybe tea was a bit more desirable than the overly sweet sprite to Woosung’s queasy stomach. He received a tray and quickly made his way back, carefully balancing everything.

Pushing open the door to the waiting room was a bit difficult but he managed. Jaehyeong placed the tray on the small shelf, hoping it would not tip over, and handed Hajoon the blanket. The older spread it over Woosung’s body with Dojoon’s help.

“Thank you”, Woosung whispered.

“Don’t worry about it”, Jaehyeong said, “I brought some tea. You can try some if you like, when it’s drinking temperature.” Woosung shrugged.

After passing around the cups to the others and grabbing his own, Jaehyeong sank down into his original position on the chair. This time, instead of holding Woosung’s hand, he sneaked his hand under the blanket and rested his hand against Woosung’s stomach, hoping the warmth would help the nausea.

He knew it stemmed from pain, shock and anxiety not sickness but maybe it would bring comfort anyhow.

“Ah-hah!”, Dojoon exclaimed, holding up his phone. He had luckily taken his phone charger with him and had let it charge the past hour so they could watch movies or whatever when it was full. His screen that he turned to show them now displayed sixty-two percent, enough to not die while watching something.

“What are we watching?”, Hajoon asked.

“What about Idol Radio?”, Dojoon suggested, “then anybody who can’t see the screen can still listen. Here you go.” He handed the phone over to Jaehyeong who tried to position himself in a way that they all could see.

“Oh, it’s ATEEZ”, Hajoon said happily, peering at the screen. Even Woosung had perked up a bit, shifting so he could see the screen. Nothing like a show to distract yourself. “You can turn it to the others”, Dojoon said, absently rubbing Woosung’s leg, “I’m content to just listen.”

🌹

They were nearing the end of the show and Woosung had nearly fallen asleep, when there was a knock on the door and a young doctor entered. Jaehyeong sighed in relief. Finally.

“Good afternoon”, she greeted, very straight-forward, “my name is Kim Ha Rin, I am your doctor today. I heard you injured your foot?”

Woosung blinked, dazed, and nodded, shifting upright to look up at her with Hajoon’s help. Jaehyeong stood up to offer the doctor the chair and moved to stand beside Hajoon.

“How did that happen?”, she asked. Hajoon retold the story while the doctor grabbed some gloves and moved to sit by Woosung’s foot. Dojoon got up carefully and gently placed Woosung’s foot into her waiting hands.

“Alright, that foot does not look good at all, Woosung-ssi”, the doctor said. Jaehyeong internally rolled his eyes. He knew it wasn’t her fault that the ER was swamped and they were bored and annoyed but anybody could have told them that.

“I’m going to feel around and try to move your ankle to see how much range of motion is left. It will help me determine what may be wrong. Tell me to stop if it gets too bad.”

Woosung nodded, face paling, and reached out to take Hajoon’s hand again. The drummer was sitting behind him, holding him tightly. Looking at them, Jaehyeong couldn’t help but feel a bit … superfluous? He didn’t want to crowd Woosung but just standing there felt even worse. As if he sensed his inner struggle, Dojoon wrapped an arm around him.

🌹

Woosung looked at the doctor holding his foot. It hurt, badly. Not even Hajoon’s warm embrace or the feeling of his rough hand in his soothed the pain. He hadn’t known it was possible but the swelling and bruising was even worse than it had been all those hours ago in the training room.

Rationally Woosung knew that the doctor was being careful, he really knew that. But they way she moved it around was excruciating. Seeing the injured limb being moved around and combined with the pain made the previous queasiness turn into full-blown nausea.

“I don’t feel good”, he panted, in what seemed to be a repeat of earlier that day.

“No, Woosung, don’t look”, Hajoon said behind him, gripping his hand tighter “you know better, we don’t need you to faint again.”

Maybe it was morbid fascination, maybe something else, but Woosung couldn’t tear his gaze away from the injury.

“I’m going to be sick”, Woosung whispered, gagging against the hand he managed to place against his mouth just in time. Not caring that he was in the danger zone, Jaehyeong reached across them to grab the forgotten emesis basis and held it under Woosung’s chin.

“It’s okay, hyung”, the maknae comforted, “if you need to throw up, let it happen. You’ll feel better after.”

Woosung gagged again, this time feeling bile rise in his throat. Jaehyeong held the kidney dish with one hand and used the other to brush Woosung’s hair away from his face. “It’s okay”, he repeated.

With a weak retch Woosung leaned forward and opened his lips. The few sips of tea that Dojoon had made him drink came up, bitterly burning against his throat. He gasped for breath, choking a bit. Hajoon patted his back prompting a cough and Woosung gagged up a mouthful of sick before it turned into unpleasant dry-heaving. Nothing else beside the bit of liquid came up though Woosung kept leaning over the kidney dish just in case.

“Deep breath, Sammy”, Dojoon comforted from somewhere behind him.

“Can I take this away?”, the doctor asked sympathetically, gesturing at the cardboard. Apathetically, Woosung nodded. He was so exhausted, his vision swimming slightly. He leaned his head back against Hajoon’s shoulder, closing his eyes.

The doctor addressed them. “Woosung-ssi, I believe you likely tore a ligament in your ankle. However, just to be sure, we need to take an MRI so we can rule out anything else. Are you okay with that?”

Woosung felt like he was going to cry. He just wanted medication and go home and sleep in his bed. For at least twelve hours straight. Waiting any longer sounded like torture.

“Can he at least have pain medication and maybe something for the nausea now?”, Dojoon asked, to the untrained ear probably sounding polite but Woosung could hear the irritation in his voice.

“Yes, of course. I’ll put in a line and he can have fluids, pain medication and an anti-emetic as soon as it’s secure.”

“Thank you”, Jaehyeong said, placing a calming hand on Dojoon’s arm.

🌹

“Okay, let’s see”, the doctor said and sprayed disinfectant on Woosung’s hand, manipulating it to get a view of his veins. “You’re really dehydrated but I think I feel a vein. I can’t see it but it’s there. Alright, small pinch.”

Woosung gripped Dojoon’s hand tightly, panting in pain. He had closed his hand the moment the doctor had arrived with the set. He hated needles and a small needle should not hurt like this. Still, it did. At least it momentarily overruled the pain in his ankle.

“I’m sorry, but the vein seems to be too small”, the doctor apologized. “I will have to try again.”

Hajoon huffed and Woosung understood the sentiment. He was annoyed too, deep down, but mostly he was just tired. He nodded at her.

“Pump your fist, exactly like that”, she advised. Moving his hand from flat to a fist was not nice, the torn skin in his arms pulling.

Yet he knew if she succeeded the pain would finally get better.

“Okay, second try”, the doctor warned. Woosung hissed but then the needle was in. “Let’s see. It’s in but the blood is not flowing. Let me move it around a bit.” Fuck, that hurt.

And for nothing.

“I’m sorry, Woosung-ssi. You’re really dehydrated. That makes my job really hard right now.”

Woosung just nodded, ignoring the tears behind his eyes. “I always had bad veins”, he choked out. Damn, the tears started falling in earnest then. Gently somebody wiped them off with their thumb. Woosung opened his eyes to look at Dojoon, who smiled softly.

“You got this, Sung-ah”, he promised. Woosung did not want to have it. He wanted to be pain free. Pronto. Without a needle or a torn ligament or whatever.

“Let’s try again. And, yes. I got it! I’ll connect the fluids and the medication now. Tell somebody if you feel weird or anything. I’m very sorry, again. See you for the MRI.”

Without further ado the doctor left.

🌹

They had to wait for the MRI for nearly another two hours. Dojoon felt really bad for poor Woosung. He knew the leader had been under a lot of stress and his resources had nearly been used up before today. Now, after hours of pain it wasn’t hard to tell that Woosung was emotionally and physically done for. At least the meds helped.

Dojoon had traded places with Jaehyeong (Hajoon unwilling to give up being the pillow) and if he hadn’t felt his heartbeat pulsing in his wrist and heard his unregular breathing he would have assumed Woosung was deeply asleep. The leader’s head was turned against Hajoon’s stomach again, basically hiding from the world. He seemed painfully young like this.

Occasionally it seemed like Woosung fell asleep but he was never able to rest for long. The IV with the pain medication and the anti-emetic were irritating him, Dojoon could tell from the way he held his hand very stiffly and tried not to move it. The leader really wasn’t good at being sick.

Jaehyeong, meanwhile, was playing on his phone, seeking distraction. Hajoon was still holding onto Woosung, trying to comfort him by rubbing circles on his back. There was a guilty look on his face that Dojoon didn’t like at all.

“What’s up with you?”, Dojoon finally asked when Hajoon kept looking up at the ceiling as if trying not to cry. The second oldest was astonished that Woosung hadn’t cried more than he already head but he couldn’t figure out why Hajoon looked like he might.

“Huh?”, Jaehyeong asked, his gaze never moving from his screen.

“Not you”, Dojoon said, “I was asking Dylan.”

“It’s nothing, Leo”, Hajoon replied, though his voice quivered.

“Yeah, sure”, Dojoon said, his tone slightly mocking. He hoped that teasing would make Hajoon a bit more comfortable than the weird tenseness that was in the air. “Spill, kiddo.”

“I’m not a kid”, Hajoon complained, “Jaehyeong is.”

“It’s three months”, Jaehyeong whined.

“You’re kiddo”, Dojoon decided, “Jeff is baby.”

“Hey!” The baby finally looked up from his phone to glare at Dojoon, who grinned at him. Already it felt a bit more light-hearted in the room.

“Well, what are you then?”, Hajoon asked, “what is Sammy?”

“Don’t you dare”, Woosung muttered, apparently not as asleep as they had assumed.

“I’m normal. Sammy is a fossil”, Dojoon announced after a second of thought.

“I hate you, Leo”, Woosung grumbled.

“Yeah, I love you too, old man. But now that we got this out of the way, I want to repeat myself: ‘What’s up with you, Joon-ah?’”, Dojoon asked, his voice turning concerned. “And don’t deflect.”

Woosung turned a bit to look up at Hajoon, his eyes wide and adorable and his hair completely messed up from laying down. Jaehyeong put his phone away, watching with interest.

“It’s …”, Hajoon started and sighed. “I was watching you dance from behind earlier, right? If I had seen that the cable had wrapped itself around hyung’s foot just a second earlier, all of this could have been avoided. I’m very sorry, Woosung-ssi.” He looked back up at the ceiling, blinking away tears.

“This is the stupidest thing I have heard today and I have not forgotten the train jokes”, Dojoon replied, shocked by the revelation but knowing that Hajoon would appreciate a more teasing approach to the conversation instead of raw emotion. Jaehyeong nodded, reaching over to pat Hajoon’s arm. “If we went with this logic, shouldn’t Woosung have not danced today? It’s his fault for moving around, isn’t it? Or maybe, I am to blame too, after all I brought the microphone?”

“What? No!”, Hajoon countered, staring at Dojoon with wide eyes, “that’s not what I was trying to imply at all!”

“We know that”, Jaehyeong comforted, “but Dojoon-hyung is right. It was a stupid accident, nobody was at fault.”

Woosung lifted his hand to tenderly brush away the desperate tears that fell down Hajoon’s face. “Joon-ah, hyung isn’t mad at you”, he said quietly, his voice a bit husky, “things like that happen. It’s probably just a torn ligament, you heard the doctor. Nothing really bad happened and you are not at fault for anything.”

Hajoon nodded jerkily, wiping at his eyes with his sleeves, looking adorable in Dojoon’s personal opinion.

Just as they had settled back down, a nurse entered the room, pushing a wheelchair. “The MRI is ready for you. Don’t worry, you won’t have to wait much longer. Once the results are in, you can go home.” 

She disconnected the IV bags that had been empty for some time. Nobody had come to disconnect them even after Dojoon had gone to ask. They were too busy.

“Thank you”, Woosung said and transferred to the wheelchair with Hajoon’s and Dojoon’s help, while Jaehyeong stabilised his foot.

“You can wait here”, the nurse addressed them and then vanished with Woosung.

🌹

Woosung was returned to them forty-five minutes later, looking completely knocked out. He was accompanied by the doctor from before who directly announced: “As I already guessed, Woosung-ssi tore a ligament in his ankle. It’s a grade 3 tear, so it will take some time to heal, however. You can bring him to the car using the wheelchair and we’ll give you some crutches to use at home. For the first days he should use an elastic bandage until the swelling is a bit better and once he is able to put some weight on the foot you should go to a orthopaedic doctor and get a walking brace fitted. It will take a few months until you are truly able to walk again on that foot, Woosung-ssi. In the mean time avoid walking, keep your foot elevated as much as possible and stay away from cables. You can take over the counter medication to help with the pain.”

“Thank you, seonsaeng-nim”, Dojoon said, grateful the waiting had an end. The doctor left with a wave and Dojoon knelt down so he could look up at the leader.

“Let’s get you home, Sammy.”

Notes: I once had doctors try fifteen times to get blood drawn - fifteen fucking times and nobody was there to hold my hand:( Not fun times... but yeah, just getting an IV line can suck when you are dehydrated. I just had to add a scene about that:)

Masterlist links: Fairy's Full Masterlist Fairy's Masterlist - The Rose  

[fairyniceyeah]

🌹🤍 Deep inside my complex mind

Title from Eclipse (The Rose)

Summary: Backstory to 'Cause everybody fears the one and Don't you worry cause I'm with you now. Woosung is sick with the stomach flu for the first time with the members and the panic gets too much.

CW: mentions of depression and suicidal thoughts, emeto, fainting, panic attacks, emetophobia, paramedics, ambulances, hospitals

Sickie: Woosung/Sammy Caretakers: Dojoon/Leo + Hajoon/Dylan + Jaehyeong/Jeff

Dojoon was lying on his stomach in bed, mindlessly scrolling through TikTok. He loved those short videos – maybe at one point they could do TikToks as The Rose? He was sure the other members would enjoy it too and a little fun and exposure to the public next to their songs couldn’t hurt.

He was startled out of his thoughts by a knock on his door. Not as much an unusual occurrence as people might think despite it being the middle of the night. Just normally Dojoon wasn’t awake for them but he wasn’t tired that day as he had taken an unplanned nap in the studio earlier. Woosung had not been impressed by that.

There were only two options who would come to seek comfort now – Hajoon and Jaehyeong. Both maknaes had ended up on his doorstep in the middle of the night before. While they both had seen the darkness of the world, they were both so soft and young, and sometimes in need for somebody to carry the weight when they felt too weak to do it themselves. Dojoon was proud of them that they asked for help when needed, and happy he was chosen as their Atlas.

Whenever Hajoon reluctantly knocked on his door it was mostly due to his insomnia, his circling thoughts that left him spiraling deep down and made him feel worthless. It had taken some time for Dojoon to get Hajoon to understand that he would rather stay up all night with him instead of finding his dongsaeng sitting in the kitchen sleep-deprived and with red-rimmed eyes in the morning. The first time the younger had opened up to him about his depressive and borderline suicidal thoughts Dojoon had cried the whole night after Hajoon had fallen asleep in his arms. It was more seldom now that he sought out Dojoon for comfort, being in a better place mentally but they all had the occasional bad night.

Jaehyeong, on the other hand, was the person who hated sharing beds the most. The mix of Dojoon’s habit of fidgeting in his sleep and Jaehyeong loving his space never really worked out. He would come in to talk about his issues and to cry but would always go back to his own bed to sleep. Still, the youngest would wake him with less reluctance than Hajoon to get advice and reassurance that it was okay to be sad and scared of what the future would bring. Their maknae was a strong person but still so innocent and raw in some aspects.

Dojoon never minded these interruptions so he called a quick: “Come in.” He placed his phone down and sat up just in time to see the door opening slowly to reveal a shaking Woosung on the other side. Woosung?

🌹

This was new. Their oldest had never once sought him out when he needed help, despite Dojoon insisting on it repeatedly. Woosung was too proud to ask for help, still sometimes too shaped by toxic American images of manhood to dare be weak with them. Instead he chose to immerse himself in the role of the oldest and leader, which did fit his – sometimes too – independent personality. Dojoon wished one day he would understand he could lean on them too.

“Sammy?”, Dojoon asked when the leader didn’t say anything, just stood in the middle of the room like a ghost.

There was no reaction from him and so, extremely worried by now, Dojoon got up to walk over to him. Woosung was clad in long sleep pants that seemed like they belonged to one of the kids, considering just how much too long they were, scrunching up at Woosung’s feet. The shirt Woosung was wearing? Dojoon recognized it as his own. He didn’t know what was more surprising: Woosung wearing their clothes or Woosung actually wearing clothes.

Up close he saw just how pale his chingu was, the sweat on his face and in his hair. Saw the tremor encasing his whole body. Woosung’s eyes were blown wide with … fear? His breathing was raspy and shallow, far too fast for Dojoon’s liking.

Just seeing Woosung like this broke something in him.

“Sammy?”, he repeated and, when he got no reaction again, took the leader’s hands in his. At the contact Woosung gasped, as if not realizing before how close Dojoon was. “Hey, let’s sit down, okay?”, Dojoon suggested.

Woosung didn’t show any sign he had heard Dojoon but he clutched the younger’s hand tightly. So Dojoon gently led him to his bed, sitting Woosung down next to him and wrapping his blankets around their shoulders. It was harder than imagined, as Dojoon was able to free one hand from Woosung’s clutch but the other hand was held tightly once Woosung realized that Dojoon had tried to let go. Dojoon wrapped his arm around Woosung’s back and ran his thumb over Woosung’s hands.

“What’s wrong?”, he dared ask, not quite expecting an answer. Dojoon couldn’t help but feel overwhelmed with the situation, completely out of his depth with his own fears. He had never been there to see Woosung this low. The leader hid away as soon as he felt off-kilter. What had happened for Woosung to actively seek him out? Had something bad happened? Was his family okay?

To his surprise, Woosung took a deeper breath – not deep, just not as broken as before – and whispered: “I don’t feel good.”

Okay, that was a start. Just not a very helpful one. Mentally? Physically? Dojoon tended towards the mental “I don’t feel good” considering the state Woosung was in but it was not an explanation.

“Can you tell me what doesn’t feel good?”, Dojoon encouraged, hoping his voice sounded as warm and inviting as he wanted it to be. He didn’t want to scare Woosung away.

Woosung opened his mouth to answer but instead a sob came out, choking him. The older leaned forward, curling into himself, and pressed his hands to his face as if to hide. Dojoon didn’t know what to do. It was clear that something was really upsetting his friend to the point of near hyperventilation.

Helplessly he stroked Woosung’s back, whispering comforting non-sense. It didn’t help at all. It was nearly like Woosung was not even able to hear him, too caught up in whatever was wrong to even acknowledge Dojoon.

Dojoon reached his own breaking point when Woosung’s silent cries turned loud, his harsh breathing reaching a speed that wasn’t taking in oxygen at all and the leader’s hand that wasn’t clutching Dojoon’s tightly wandered to his hair, harshly pulling at the longer strands. It was heart wrenching to watch the oldest succumb to his panic – Dojoon was now convinced that it really was a panic attack that Woosung was experiencing. He didn’t even know that Woosung was prone to anxiety, never having seen him falter this way.

He couldn’t take it anymore.

Gently he removed Woosung’s grip on his hand, hating how he caused the other man to cry even louder at that, before he reached up and carefully detangled Woosung’s hand from his hair. As he got that hand free, he held both of Woosung’s wrists in his hands and wrapped them around his own torso. Weakly, Woosung’s fingers tried to find purchase in Dojoon’s sleepshirt. Dojoon gently held onto Woosung’s knees from where he was still sitting at the edge of the bed, holding up Woosung’s back with his other hand and effectively lifted the smaller on his lap. With as much care as his own trembling allowed, he moved Woosung’s head to his shoulder and just held tight as Woosung cried himself out.

Dojoon couldn’t tell how long it was until Woosung managed to calm down, still shaking but not hyperventilating anymore.

“Sammy?”, he asked, manipulating Woosung so they were looking at each other. Woosung’s eyes were droopy with exhaustion and he looked ready to pass out. Despite being more than worried and also a little curious, Dojoon knew that sleep might be for the best for the time.

“Let’s lay down and sleep, okay? I can see how tired you are. We can talk about this in the morning, okay?”, Dojoon suggested and Woosung nodded faintly, holding onto Dojoon’s shirt.

“Don’t worry, I wouldn’t dream of kicking you out. Sleep here, I won’t leave you”, he soothed and helped Woosung lay back against the pillow. Quickly he spread his blanket over the two of them and laid back down as well. It was definitely time to sleep. He pulled Woosung close, letting the leader rest his head on his chest. Maybe the morning would bring answers. Dojoon reached up and turned off the light on his bedside lamp.

🌹

Dojoon woke up to a kick to his shin. Oh, that’s how the others feel when they share with me, was his only thought. He was prepared to turn around and go back to sleep until he heard the crying. His eyes flew open and he fumbled for his night lamp.

As soon as the light illuminated the room he saw his leader sitting upright next to him, looking completely terrified. Woosung had one hand pressed to his mouth, sick dripping down the appendage onto his sleep shirt and the blanket.  

Fuck.

“Le…”, Woosung gasped out, not even able to finish the name before he was retching again, more vomit spraying between his fingers. Then the gagging sound was replaced by the sound of crying.

Dojoon sat upright and pushed the blankets off himself and onto Woosung’s lap. There was no saving them anyways and he’d rather not get stains on his mattress too. There would be no time to get a receptacle to catch the next wave with the way Woosung looked. Dojoon scooted over to Woosung who was trembling so badly that Dojoon was scared the leader would injure himself with how close his head came to the wall.

“It’s okay, Sammy, let it out”, Dojoon encouraged, helping the older man lean over his covered lap. But Woosung resisted against the movement, jerking backwards so hard he did hit his head against the wall. Dojoon grimaced in sympathy and for the time being placed his hand on the back of Woosung’s head to hopefully prevent further injury.

Woosung frantically began wiping his dirtied hand on the covers, the sort of frantic that Dojoon would not have expected. Sure, having vomited on yourself was disgusting, but something was going wrong. Badly.

“I don’t … Dojoon”, Woosung gasped like a drowning man. He was hyperventilating again but from the way he was swallowing between short breaths Dojoon knew he needed to be sick once more.

Dojoon had never felt so helpless. He didn’t understand. Surely Woosung’s panicked reaction couldn’t just be about the sickness, could it?

That’s when Dojoon remembered. How could he have forgotten about this? Not even sleepiness should excuse this.

🌹

Dojoon hadn’t been feeling well at all that whole day. Dinner had been unappealing to him in a way he knew he was getting sick. But he also knew he couldn’t really afford to be sick this shortly after debut so he sucked it up and hoped for the best.

He had not anticipated vomiting over the side of the sofa in the middle of their monthly movie night after a car chase scene had left him dizzy and queasy. He had seen the confusion and worry in Hajoon’s and Jaehyeong’s face and the utter terror in Woosung’s eyes but he had been too concerned about getting sick again that he had just rushed off to the bathroom. To his surprise he had been joined by their maknae to hold back his hair instead of one of the older members. But then again, Jaehyeong was the “eomma” of the group.

Then when he was feeling mostly human again the next afternoon he had been approached by Hajoon and Jaehyeong, who had been looking lost and scared. It was then that Dojoon had realized he hadn’t seen Woosung since that movie. At first he had felt a bit angry, a bit betrayed that his older friend had left him to suffer alone. When Hajoon, with a trembling voice, narrated how he had found Woosung scratching open his arms completely locked in his fear, Dojoon had felt like the worst dongsaeng. How had he not noticed?

🌹 

Days later they had sat down with Woosung in their shared living room. Dojoon had noticed how Woosung didn’t look him in the eye and wouldn’t come near him, despite Dojoon being vomit and fever free for over 72 hours. At least none of the members had gotten sick that time and Dojoon suspected the sushi he had had that lunch as the reason for his sickness.

“I … I have emetophobia”, Woosung had said slowly, staring at his feet. “I … I can barely even think or talk about … about vomiting without panic. I know it’s stupid, I fucking know that. I just … I can’t help it. I’m sorry I let you down, Leo, as your elder and leader.” That’s when Woosung had looked up, tears shining in his eyes.

“Stop apologizing”, Hajoon said, sounding like they had had that particular conversation before. “It’s not your fault.”

“I know, it’s hard, hyung”, Jaehyeong had added, taking Woosung’s hand in his, “but can you tell us more about it? How we can help? What exactly is emetophobia? The fear of being sick and germs?”

“Isn’t that called hypochondria?”, Dojoon had interjected.

Woosung had nodded. “For me … for me it’s the fear of …” He swallowed. “… the fear of just vomiting and nausea. I get panicked when I think about it and seeing somebody be sick? It … sends me into panic. It’s not just that, though. I have … issues with food. Something not looking done, something old or close to its best-before date, take-out … it all makes me … scared. I don’t even know why…”

“It’s a phobia, Sammy”, Dojoon had soothed, “it’s not rational and definitely not your fault.”

🌹

It had been months later when Dojoon found Woosung sitting in the kitchen, his face white as chalk. There was a full plate of the past day’s left-overs in front of him.

“What’s wrong?”, Dojoon had asked worriedly. At first Woosung hadn’t even reacted, so Dojoon had thought he would not get an answer from him. Sometimes Woosung was weird like that but then to his surprise the older had whispered: “It … it’s the only thing in the fridge. I am so hungry. But … it’s from yesterday … it …  it can’t have gotten bad, right?”

“No, it’s just vegetables, Sammy”, he had reassured, “nothing could have gone bad, we kept it in the fridge and all the ingredients Jeff used were fresh. It’s perfectly fine to eat.”

Woosung had nodded, looking more determined, and lifted his chopsticks to his mouth.

Just as he was about to take a bite, he stopped.

“I can’t”, he had said, sounding ashamed of himself, “rationally I know it’s okay, but I can’t help thinking ‘what if?’”

“It’s okay, don’t stress yourself out”, Dojoon had said, taking the chopsticks from him and setting them down. “I can make you some ramen. It will take a few minutes, but if you really need to eat now there are some bananas over there.”

“Thank you, Leo”, Woosung had said, relief evident in his voice, “but I think I will just stick with the bananas. My brain is being an asshole today, it’s been ages since it has been so bad. I’m sorry you had to see this.”

“I am sorry you felt like you had to hide this, Sammy.”

🌹

Dojoon was brought back to the present by a groan and a broken off gag. Woosung was shaking and rocking himself from side to side. Dojoon needed to focus on him. This was probably one of the hardest things Woosung had ever gone through. He wrapped an arm around Woosung’s back and brushed Woosung’s fringe out of his eyes.

“Sammy, I know you don’t want to, but you clearly need to be sick again. I promise I got you, I’ll stay with you”, Dojoon soothed and helped his leader lean over a bit further again. Woosung was forced forward by the next gag rippling through his body and a huge wave of vomit poured out of his mouth.

Before Woosung could even take a breath, he was sick again and again. Dojoon couldn’t do anything but rub his back and comfort him. He didn’t think Woosung was even able to recognize that he was there. Dojoon had never felt this helpless before, watching one of his best friends go through this torture. It was clear that Woosung’s attempts to stop the inevitable had made it even worse and violent.

Even now, between each retch Woosung was sobbing, not taking in any air. Dojoon tried to get him to focus on him but Woosung couldn’t seem to hear him, lost in his panic. He hadn’t even noticed it before until he tasted the salt on his lips, but tears of empathy flowed down Dojoon’s cheeks as he couldn’t do anything but watch.

It felt like hours later when Woosung was finally given a respite from the forceful expulsion of his stomach contents. Dojoon got about half a second of relief. Then Woosung gasped loudly and went limp in his arms.

No amount of tapping his cheeks woke the older man up, so Dojoon, now sobbing in earnest himself, laid his body back down and pushed the soiled blankets onto the ground. 

Trembling so hard he could barely walk and so nauseous from the smell that now hit him full force that he feared he would puke too, he stumbled to the top of the stairs of the upper floor to call for help. He couldn’t do this on his own.

🌹

Hajoon woke up to the sound of somebody yelling his name. Rude. A glance on his phone revealed that it was barely past three in the morning. He was a musician. Nobody needed a musician at three in the fucking morning. What did the person possibly want from him?

He stumbled out of his bedroom, hitting his foot against the doorway in the darkness. That was it, he was getting a nightlight. At least he was awake now. Jumping on one foot he rounded the corner to the stairs, following the sound of yelling. It sounded suspiciously like Dojoon. What did he want in the middle of the night?

“Hyung?”, Hajoon called, utterly confused and starting to get really worried, “what is going on?”

Dojoon was standing at the top of the stairs, sobbing, and clutching the railing as if it was the only thing keeping him upright. Hajoon was half-way up the stairs before Dojoon was able to answer.

“I need your help. Get Jaehyeong too.”

What did they need Jaehyeong for? What was going on with Dojoon? Why hadn’t Woosung come out of his room, complaining about the noise level?

“Get Jae …. Hyung, what is going on?”, he repeated dumbly.

“Just, just do it, Hajoon-ah”, Dojoon whispered, crumpling to his knees.

Hajoon wanted nothing more than to hug his hyung and comfort him but one glance from Dojoon had him bolting down two steps at the time to wake the maknae. He burst into the room to find the younger still asleep. Bastard.

Without further ado, Hajoon shook him violently and tore his covers away. “Wake the fuck up, Jeff”, Hajoon called, loudly. He needed Jaehyeong awake five minutes ago. The maknae, to his luck, woke with a start, and to his misfortune, collided directly with Hajoon’s head as he sat up.

For a moment stars dancing in front of Hajoon’s eyes but he couldn’t care less. Jaehyeong looked at him with utter confusion – Hajoon couldn’t even blame him, he knew he must look and act like a madman.

“Joon-ah, what the fuck is going on?”, Jaehyeong asked, rubbing his head, “it’s the middle of the fucking night.” Wow, cursing like that - he took after Woosung now.

“I don’t know”, Hajoon called, not even trying to hide just how frazzled he was, “I woke up to Dojoon screaming for help and he told me to get you up. I have no idea what is going on and I am terrified.”

That woke Jaehyeong up alright.

“Let’s go”, the maknae said and took Hajoon’s hand, pulling him with him.

🌹

Dojoon was where Hajoon had left him, breathing more calmly now but still crying. It hurt to watch. What the hell was going on?

“What’s wrong?”, Jaehyeong asked, kneeling down beside their hyung. Hajoon followed suit.

“It’s Sammy”, Dojoon said quickly, “don’t worry about me. He … he’s got the stomach flu and he panicked and passed out.”

“Oh fuck”, Jaehyeong gasped, recognizing the problem at the same moment as Hajoon did.

Oh fuck, indeed.

“Where is he?”, Hajoon asked worriedly, then he couldn’t help his voice turning harsh, “why did you leave him alone?”

“My room”, Dojoon whispered, not looking at them, “I was panicking, he had just passed out in my arms and I was starting to feel sick from the smell.”

Hajoon nodded and pushed to his feet. He wasn’t angry at Dojoon, not truly. He saw how bad his hyung looked. But he didn’t have time to check on him. Woosung was his priority.

The stench of vomit hit Hajoon the moment he entered the older man’s room. Thank God for his strong stomach (outside of moving vehicles), no wonder Dojoon was done for. The blanket laying on the floor was positively soaked and beyond any repair. Woosung was on his side on the bed, face washed out white and sweat soaking every part of his body. Stains of sick were on his sleep shirt. No actually, one of Dojoon’s shirts. 

He seemed to still be unconscious or asleep, so Hajoon took the opportunity to push the dirty blanket out of the door with his foot. Dojoon and Jaehyeong seemed to have vanished into the hyung’s bathroom – Hajoon saw the light on. Jaehyeong could deal with the blanket.

Then Hajoon carefully approached Woosung, not willing to wake him if he truly was just asleep. He knelt down on the floor and placed the back of his hand against the elder’s forehead, feeling the heat radiating from his skin. He really was sick. If he could, Hajoon would take it from him in a heartbeat.

Hajoon looked around and found that Dojoon had left a pair of scissors on his desk. Perfect, just what he needed. Unwilling to wake Woosung and not knowing how else to get his puke-stained shirt off, Hajoon just cut. He didn’t think that Dojoon would want it back anyways. After he managed to take the last shreds off, he chuckled them out of the door onto the blanket. Yep, Jeff’s problem.

Just then as if now sensing Hajoon’s presence or – please not – feeling sick again, Woosung started to stir, blinking up at Hajoon.

“Hey, hyung, go back to sleep”, Hajoon whispered, brushing Woosung’s hair out of his face and sitting down by his side. Maybe he could soothe him to sleep before anything could happen.

“Joon-ah?”, the leader whispered, his voice hoarse, “wha... what’s going on?” Maybe not.

What was Hajoon supposed to say to that? If they were lucky Woosung was feeling better now and would be able to just sleep.

“Why is your eye a bit blue?”, Woosung continued with a frown. Confused, Hajoon lifted his hand to his eye, feeling the skin surrounding it swell a bit. At his touch it ached again. He and Jaehyeong must have collided harder than he had thought. Great.

“Doesn’t matter”, Hajoon explained and added a bit more desperate: “Why don’t you go back to sleep?” 

Woosung sighed and looked around. “Wait, why am I in Dojoon’s room … what?”

Then the memory or the feeling like crap must have hit him.

“Shit”, Woosung whispered, his breathing picking up speed. Not good. Hajoon stroked back his hair and tried to calm him down. “You’re going to be okay, hyung”, he said, hoping it was the truth, “it’ll be over soon and we’ll stay by your side, okay?”

But it didn’t help. Already Woosung was close to hyperventilating again, tears flowing down his pale cheeks. “I don’t want to be sick”, he whispered.

“I know, hyung”, Hajoon said helplessly and took his hand, stroking it with his thumb.

Behind him the door opened and Dojoon and Jaehyeong entered. The maknae was carrying a glass of water and a towel, while Dojoon held a bowl of water and a washcloth. Hajoon was glad for their presence. Maybe they could get Woosung calmed down.

Seeing just how distressed Woosung was, and also how helpless Hajoon looked, Jaehyeong rushed across the room and set his goods down on the desk. “Hey, Sammy-ah”, he said and knelt down by the leader’s head, “we got you some stuff to make you feel better.”

A bit disoriented and his eyes glazed with what was probably a mix of fever and fear, Woosung reluctantly nodded. The maknae took the water bowl from Dojoon and dunked the washcloth inside. Then he wiped it over Woosung’s chest, folded it and placed the clean side over his forehead. Woosung sighed in relief. 

Dojoon, still looking a bit worse for wear, placed the towel on the bed above Woosung’s head - in reach but not in his constant field of view. Then he too knelt down on the ground.

“Do you think you can drink a bit of water? I have some medication here”, he said and pulled out a bottle from his pocket. “I know you don’t like taking pills so I found a liquid alternative.”

But Woosung shook his head. “I don’t want to drink”, he whined, “it’s going to … you know.”

“Okay, we’ll set it aside for now. Say if you want it”, Hajoon agreed, shooting the others a glance. He didn’t think that forcing Woosung to drink was a good idea and thankfully the others seemed to agree. “Do you think you can go back to sleep?”

Woosung bit his lip in worry. “I don’t know”, he rasped and a tear run down his cheek again, “I … I am sorry I am keeping you all awake.”

“No, don’t be sorry”, Jaehyeong said, taking Woosung’s hand in his, “we’re glad to be here with you. You don’t have to be strong alone all the time. How about Two-Joon go to your room in shouting distance and I’ll stay with you, hm? Sleep will do you good.”

“The fuck you just called us?”, Hajoon threatened while Dojoon wasn’t even able to close his mouth. “No, don’t repeat that. Ever again. I’ll end you.”

Woosung smiled at bit at that. Success. 

“Come on”, Dojoon said, tugging Hajoon’s arm, “let’s go lay down a bit.”

Tiredly, Hajoon nodded. 

🌹

The next time Hajoon woke up to somebody calling his name in the middle of the night he was going to commit murder. He had just dropped off. Dojoon had fallen asleep the moment his head hit the pillow but that meant he started to fidget. Hajoon really had tried to ignore it but after Dojoon’s knee had nearly hindered his ability to ever get children he had just taken his losses.

Then he remembered why exactly he was sharing with the older man and he shoved him off the bed hard in his haste to get to the other room. If Jaehyeong was yelling like that? It was going to be bad.

It was. Bad, that is.

Woosung was sitting at the edge of the bed with a trash can in his lap. Jaehyeong had wrapped his arms around him, trying to calm down. The leader was crying so hard he was nearly hyperventilating, a steady stream of tears dripping into the receptacle. It was abundantly clear he was about to be sick again - the swallowing, the greenish tinge of his face, the sweat everywhere.

“Oh Sammy”, Hajoon sighed and knelt down next to them, helping Woosung keep the bucket stable as the older’s hands were trembling too badly to keep a tight grip on his own.

“I … I don’t …”, Woosung gasped out, choking on his words. A gag followed but Woosung clamped his mouth shut fearfully. 

Jaehyeong, who was now running his hand through Woosung’s hair, whispered: “Don’t be scared, hyung. Hajoon-ah, Dojoon-hyung and I are all here with you. You’re not alone and you will be okay.”

At his words Hajoon looked over his shoulder to find Dojoon coming into the room, apparently having woken up finally. He sat on the bed beside Woosung, placing a hand on his knee. Hajoon leaned back against his legs, wanting a bit of comfort himself. He didn’t particularly fancy watching people puke but he wanted to be there for his hyung.

“Please, it hurts…”, Woosung mumbled, shaking badly. He had removed one of his hands from the bucket to place it on his stomach, curling over even further. Hajoon imagined he probably had pretty bad cramps - it happened to him too when he tried to hold it in. He never had done so to the extent Woosung was doing it though.

“Breathe”, Dojoon said, “Sammy, breathe.”

The cramps or the fear were keeping his breath away - either way Hajoon couldn’t take it anymore. He hurt so badly for his scared hyung. 

He felt so … helpless.

Then, without more warning, Woosung retched loudly and sick splattered against the inside of the bin. Hajoon winced, unable to tear his eyes away. Sadly, since he chose the position on the floor he was pretty close to Woosung’s head. He watched the leader cough and splutter as vomit quickly filled the bin, the violent expulsions only accompanied by sobs. Hajoon wasn’t sure if he would ever be able to eat jajangmyeon again, the noodles and the sauce still looking rather like the original dish.

Now he felt sick. Maybe he should rethink his earlier statement of having a strong stomach.

Then it was over. Woosung was crying again, his tears that ran down his face mixing with the vomit in the bucket. Carefully Hajoon eased it out of his hold and pushed it to the side to take care of it later. 

Woosung was now more important. The moment he had stopped throwing up, he was hyperventilating again. His breath came in short gasps and Jaehyeong frantically tried to get Woosung to focus on him. Dojoon was rubbing Woosung’s back, humming a song under his breath. 

“Sammy? Sammy, look at me, okay?”, Jaehyeong whispered, turning to the leader so he was facing him. Gently he took one of Woosung’s hands and pressed it against his own chest. “Feel me breathe, slowly, in and out.”

It seemed that for a moment Woosung really was trying.

“I can’t”, he panted. 

From his position Hajoon couldn’t really see what was going on but then Jaehyeong shouted and Dojoon suddenly had to catch Woosung as the leader fell backwards. Woosung had passed out again. 

Hajoon jumped to his feet to help the overwhelmed Dojoon lay Woosung back down. In the heat of the moment Dojoon had only been able to hold him in an awkward position that didn’t leave him able to put Woosung down on his own.

Dojoon jumped up to elevate Woosung’s legs, while Hajoon stayed by Woosung’s head. Jaehyeong quickly handed him the wet washcloth which Hajoon ran over Woosung’s face and neck, wiping away traces of vomit, sweat and tears. 

“What do we do?”, Hajoon whispered when neither of the other two dared speak up. They all were asking themselves the same thing.

“I … I don’t know”, Jaehyeong said, “I am so scared.”

Dojoon reached over and patted his back in comfort. “I am too”, he admitted.

“Yeah”, Hajoon agreed quietly. They all looked down at their ill leader, pale and unconscious in bed, sick and scared out of his mind.

“Do you think we should call an ambulance?”, Dojoon asked after a moment of silent contemplation, “at the hospital they can give him better medication and fluids via IV. I don’t know if he can help him get better here.”

“Woosung-hyung hates the hospital though”, Jaehyeong said reluctantly. It didn’t seem like he was personally disagreeing with Dojoon but rather considering what Woosung would want. “I think it scares him, knowing that people are sick there.”

“Well, right now he is the sick person”, Dojoon pointed out with a sigh. He sank down on the bed and rubbed Woosung’s knee in comfort even though the older would not be able to feel the comfort. Deep down, they all hoped Woosung would just stay unconscious - just until the sickness ran its course.

“Dylan, what do you think?”, Jaehyeong asked. Hajoon rubbed his forehead, feeling the tiredness and exhaustion, as well as the collision with Jaehyeong’s harder head, turning into a headache. He didn’t want to make a decision. He didn’t want to be responsible. He didn’t want to decide things that had such profound consequences. But the person who they looked to when faced with challenges was the reason he was asked in the first place.

“I think if he passes out one more time we should call”, Hajoon finally decided. “Let’s give him one more chance.”

Dojoon and Jaehyeong nodded. This time none of them went back to sleep - too wired and worried to even think about resting. At one point Jaehyeong left to wash out the bucket but otherwise they just stayed in silence, watching Woosung breathe.

🌹

It was barely an hour later when Woosung stirred again. Jaehyeong and Hajoon both had moved to sit at the head of the bed while Dojoon stayed at the foot end. They all focused their attention on the moaning leader, tossing and turning from side to side.

Then Woosung’s eyes snapped open. Before he even had the chance to try to sit up he was sick again, choking on his own throw-up in his position flat on his back. Jaehyeong and Hajoon were quick to lift him up and sit him up to lean over the side of the bed.

Woosung was coughing violently, loud and wet and disgusting. None of them cared about the mess, just about making sure Woosung was okay. Dojoon kept hitting his back to dislodge any vomit that he might have swallowed and Jaehyeong held the leader to his side in a tight grip. 

Hajoon felt frozen, staring at the terrifying sight. Woosung’s face was red from lack of air and the terror in his eyes was unmistakable. Tears trailed down his cheeks to mix with the vomit pouring out of him. Jaehyeong brushed back some of Woosung’s hair and recoiled when he touched Woosung’s forehead.

“He’s burning up”, the maknae gasped, then looked up to lock gazes with Hajoon, “call an ambulance now.”

Hajoon couldn’t move, still unable to tear his gaze away. Fear was gripping his chest in a vice grip. Hajoon kept staring.

Dojoon kept hitting Woosung’s back until whatever caused him to choke came up. Hajoon kept staring. 

With tears in his eyes for the umpteenth time that night, Dojoon looked up at him. Hajoon kept staring.

“Hajoon! Hajoon! Snap out of it, Woosung needs your help now!”

At the repeated shouting of his name and the reminder just how much Woosung depended on them, it was as if Hajoon suddenly came back to his body and he dove towards the night table where Dojoon’s phone was still laying. With trembling fingers Hajoon managed to unlock the phone on the second try and dialed the emergency number.

“119, what is your emergency?”

“My friend is throwing up and keeps passing out between bouts. He’s burning up. We need an ambulance, please”, Hajoon pleaded, gripping the phone tightly.

“Can you tell me your location? I will send an ambulance your way right now.”

Hajoon quickly told the operator their address, praying they were fast. He was so near his breaking point.

“Is your friend conscious right now?”

Just as Hajoon was about to answer ‘yes’, he heard Jaehyeong call Woosung’s name. The leader had again slumped into himself - the vomiting and the terror too overwhelming to stay conscious. His legs still dangled from the side of the bed, like everything covered in puke; upper body in a half-lying position on the bed. Dojoon leaned over him, stroking back his hair. 

As he moved his hand over Woosung’s face, he inhaled sharply and then held his hand slightly over Woosung’s mouth.

“He isn’t breathing.”

🌹

After that everything became a blur. 

Hajoon remembered the operator telling him that after passing out from a panic attack people sometimes didn’t breathe right away. He knew that Dojoon had rubbed Woosung’s chest in order to stimulate his lungs and it worked.

He remembered the flashing lights and the sound of sirens. The paramedics strapping Woosung on the gurney and wheeling him out. Jaehyeong clutching the elder's hand and not letting go.

Hajoon thought Dojoon must have driven the two of them to the hospital. Hajoon didn’t remember the drive.

A doctor telling them that Woosung would be okay was the first thing he really registered again.

🌹

“I know it probably was very scary to see your friend like this”, the doctor said sympathetically, “but he really just has the stomach flu. His emetophobia caused the panic attacks but he wasn’t really in danger. We’re giving him fluids, fever reducers, antiemetics and medications that should calm his anxiety via IV. He’s asleep for now and needs all the rest he can get.”

“Can we see him?”, Jaehyeong asked. He’d been wringing his hands in nervous patterns ever since he had had to let go of Woosung when they arrived at the hospital. There were tiny crescents embalmed in his palms, a sign of just how out of sorts he was. 

Hajoon thought he himself hadn’t let go of Dojoon since they had stormed into the ER to find Jaehyeong shaking alone. He didn’t quite remember. Dojoon’s arm was still warm around his back. 

They probably made quite a sight. Frantic, tears dried on their faces, still wearing pajamas. Jaehyeong had been given a hospital gown so he could change out of his soiled shirt - apparently Woosung had thrown up on him during the ambulance drive. 

“Come with me”, the doctor agreed and holding tightly onto Dojoon’s hand, Hajoon followed her together with the other two. They were led into a small room. 

Immediately they spotted their leader, pale against the sheets and body looking even smaller than usual under all the equipment. He was asleep, for the first time peaceful tonight.

“Don’t worry about the heart monitor”, the doctor said, seeing them eye it wearily, “it’s just a precaution should he experience distress again. One of you can stay here tonight with him, the other two need to go home in a few minutes, okay?”

“I’m not leaving”, Hajoon croaked, his voice rough. He hadn’t spoken since calling the emergency services. He walked a few steps forward, taking Woosung’s tiny hand in his own bigger ones. 

“Please, let us all stay”, Dojoon begged the doctor, “please. I don’t think any of us should be alone tonight.”

“I … alright.”

🌹

Woosung opened his eyes to find his younger members asleep. 

Hajoon was clutching his hand, his upper body resting over Woosung’s stomach, breathing deeply and regularly. Dojoon had his head in an uncomfortable position bend back against the wall, sitting upright on a cot and snoring. Jaehyeong was curled up in Dojoon’s lap, one of the older’s hands in his hair and the other clutched to his chest.

They loved him enough to stay with him, even at his lowest. They never left his side when he needed them. They gave him a place where he didn’t need to be strong all the time. He felt safe.

But with exhaustion, sickness and medication wearing him down, Woosung fell back asleep.

Morning came slowly. The sun rose, birds chirped and the sky turned from black to blue.

It was a new day.

Masterlist links: Fairy's Full Masterlist Fairy's Masterlist - The Rose  

[fairyniceyeah]

🌹🤍 I got you, you got me, nothin' in the way (Part 1/2)

Title from You're beautiful (The Rose)

Summary: Woosung falls during the preparation for their tour and injures his foot badly. Waiting at the hospital takes much longer than he can endure. Link to Part 2 below.

CW: injury, fainting, hospitals, nausea

Whumpee: Woosung/Sammy Caretakers: Dojoon/Leo + Hajoon/Dylan + Jaehyeong/Jeff

„Why the fuck aren’t you fucking working?“, Woosung grumbled, staring down at the microphone in his hand as if it personally had offended him. Well, it might as well have, Hajoon mused. The leader had no patience for haywire technology.

Their band practice was supposed to have started ten minutes ago but since the microphone wasn’t working and none of them had a degree in electronics they were stumped.

“Did you check the batteries?”, Jaehyeong asked cheekily. The maknae in him loved teasing his hyung.

“No, I’ve just been looking at it for the past … yes, I have checked the fucking batteries. I’m not an idiot, Jeff”, Woosung replied, annoyed.

Safe behind his drums, Hajoon watched as Jaehyeong approached Woosung to “help”. Dojoon had disappeared a few minutes ago in search of somebody who actually knew what they were doing.

“Did you try turning it off and on again?”, Hajoon asked, knowing very well that Woosung had done so. Twice. But riling Woosung up was fun, he had to agree with Jaehyeong.

“I’ll fucking turn you off and on again”, Woosung threatened, eyes glistening with mild anger. Hajoon knew he was just frustrated, so he just stuck his tongue out at him. Four fucks in three sentences – respect. Woosung really was not having it.

“Maknaes”, Woosung muttered under his breath just as Dojoon entered the room again, carrying a new mic in his hand. Well, a mic that they would have to connect via cable to the speakers. Woosung would not be happy.

Hajoon was right. Bingo.

“Today is just getting better and better”, Woosung commented but he knew there was no other option if they actually wanted to practice today.

“The mighty Woosung defeated by a microphone. Sad”, Jaehyeong grinned and ducked as the leader threw his guitar pick at him.

Hajoon and Jaehyeong burst out laughing at the face of realization and regret that Woosung sported right away. Finding a guitar pick was not the easiest task.

“Ah fuck”, Woosung just said and resigned himself to the search. Five – wow. In the meantime Dojoon had connected the microphone to the speakers and now looked up at the snickering youngers and the annoyed leader.

“Well, if you are done squabbling, kids, we can start”, the second oldest suggested.

🌹

Calm overcame the group as they took a minute to adjust themselves, then they started with their first song. Practice went well and Hajoon was glad to see Woosung relax a bit. He knew the leader was stressed by the upcoming tour preparations, a reason why he got so frustrated by the minor inconvenience.

In their preparations for the shows Woosung and Dojoon walked, jumped and danced around the room, wanting to build up enough stamina again to entertain and not get out of breath at the same time.

In retrospect, they probably shouldn’t have tried that today. They were in the middle of playing ‘RED’ when Hajoon noticed it. Woosung was not used to using a microphone with a cable and it had created a treacherous loop around the leader’s right foot.

Immediately stopping his playing, Hajoon yelled out: “Woosung, watch out!”

But it was too a second too late. Woosung made to jump again and the cable wrapped itself tighter around his ankle.

Everything happened too fast to stop it. The microphone was ripped out of Woosung’s hand, the last note it transmitted being a confused yelp by the leader. Then he came crashing down on the floor and stayed there. The microphone connected with the ground and the sound was nearly deafening.

Nevertheless, Hajoon wasted no time. He dropped his drumsticks, not caring that they clattered to the ground as well. He was the first one by Woosung’s side, Jaehyeong and Dojoon still frozen in confusion.

The drummer knelt down next to the leader and placed a gentle hand on his back. “Hyung?”, he asked, not masking the fear and panic in his voice. Woosung might have really injured himself by the fall though Hajoon wasn’t sure if he had hit his head or had other bad injuries. Maybe he was just winded.

At least he hadn’t been using his guitar at the time. Falling onto the instrument would have hurt a lot and they all knew how much Woosung loved his instrument. He would have hated accidentally breaking it. Small mercies.

Woosung groaned and turned onto his back, eyes watering as he stared up at Hajoon. “What happened?”, he asked, voice tight. There were lines of pain etched onto his face.

“The cable had wrapped itself around your ankle. I’m sorry I noticed too late, hyung”, Hajoon said quickly, taking his hyung’s hand in his, “are you injured? Did you hit your head? No, stay down for a moment.”

Jaehyeong and Dojoon had unfrozen and quickly put their own guitars away. Jaehyeong knelt down on Woosung’s other side while Dojoon was at his head.

“I don’t think I hit my head”, Woosung said quietly, biting his lip and taking a deep breath, “but my ankle hurts. My arms, too.”

“Can we look them over?”, Jaehyeong asked gently and Woosung nodded, still a bit dazed. Dojoon adjusted himself so he was able to lift Woosung’s head in his lap, stroking his hair.

Jaehyeong scooted down to Woosung’s feet, carefully untangling the cable. None of them missed the hiss of pain Woosung didn’t even try to stop. Hajoon pulled up the leaders sleeves, wincing at the already bruising skin and the few patches of open and slightly bleeding skin on his forearms. So Woosung probably really hadn’t hit his head, having caught himself on his arms. Though Hajoon didn’t doubt that the pain in his arms and ankle was bad, combined with the shock of suddenly falling. After all, one minute he had been singing and the next he was hurt on the ground.

🌹

Woosung winced as Jaehyeong took his foot in his hands, lifting it carefully to unwrap the cable. Why did he have to jump around? This accident was so stupid. He should have known better, been more careful. As Hajoon lifted his shirt sleeves he inhaled sharply as the open skin was exposed to the air. He looked up at Dojoon, who was smiling down at him with a compassionate expression.

“We got you, Woosung, don’t worry”, he said, rubbing his shoulder.

The comfort he felt by the simple gesture was drowned out by the pain in his foot as soon as Jaehyeong even touched the shoe. He lifted his head to look at the maknae who was sporting a sorry expression.

“I’m so sorry, hyung, but we need to look at your ankle to see how bad it is”, he said apologetically. Woosung nodded and let his head fall back onto Dojoon’s lap. The keyboardist ran his fingers through Woosung’s hair, the gesture distracting him a bit from the pain.

Yet, as Jaehyeong tried to take off his shoe Woosung couldn’t help the whimper that escaped as pain exploded in his foot. “Stop”, he gasped, “stop.”

Immediately Jaehyeong froze in his movements, just holding onto Woosung’s calf with a soft grip. “I’m sorry, hyung”, he repeated apologetically.

Woosung tried to take deep breaths to calm himself down. But he couldn’t deny how badly his ankle was throbbing. He didn’t know if it was just bruised or maybe broken, maybe a torn ligament. No matter what, shortly before a tour it was bad no matter what.

Hajoon suddenly leaned into his field of vision. “Let me bandage your arms, hyung. Then we’ll take your shoe off to hopefully help the pain a bit and then I think a trip to the hospital is in order”, he said. Woosung felt Dojoon nod behind him.

Great.

“Okay”, he whispered and tried to keep the tears in. Dojoon kept stroking his hair, whispering calm reassurance into his ear as Hajoon, who he apparently hadn’t notice leave before, sprayed disinfectant on the wounds and wrapped his arms.

“Do you want to sit up?”, Dojoon asked once Hajoon was done and Woosung nodded. Lying down was disorienting. But he couldn’t push himself up with his injured arms, especially since the leg Jaehyeong was still holding up forced his balance backwards. Hajoon and Dojoon helped him sit up and as soon as he was upright, Dojoon wrapped his arms around Woosung’s chest, hugging him from behind.

“I’ll be as careful as I can be”, Jaehyeong assured him. Woosung nodded.

Hajoon took one of Woosung’s hand in his own. “Squeeze as tightly as you need to, hyung. I’m far stronger than you, you won’t hurt me.”

On any other occasion Woosung would have argued just on principle but right now he was glad for his dongsaeng’s grip strength that came from years of playing drums. Hajoon didn’t seem to care at all, no matter how hard Woosung pressed as he tried to fight the pain. Sweat was pouring down his face and he had closed his eyes to focus on breathing.

Finally, Jaehyeong had gotten the sock off and slowly the nauseating pain ebbed away until it was just a steady throb. Dojoon still held him tightly and Hajoon had not yet let go of his hand.

Slowly Woosung blinked his eyes open and followed the others’ line of sight. His foot was already bruised badly, the skin turning a deep purple. The ankle had swollen so much it barely looked like a foot anymore.

Woosung felt sick, staring at the injury. His vision started to turn black as his throat went dry. He had never been good with seeing injuries, something about the alien look grossing him out. No wonder his stomach and head felt weird. Woosung wasn’t sure if he was about to faint or throw up.

“I don’t feel good”, he whispered, voice barely a whisper. Hajoon’s and Jaehyeong’s head jerked up from staring down at the injury to his face. They wavered in his line of sight and were there two Jaehyeongs?

He gagged slightly.

“He’s going to faint, get him down”, Jaehyeong called and but Woosung already felt himself sink against Dojoon shoulder’s. Then everything was black.

🌹

“Hyung? Hyung?” An annoying voice woke Woosung and he slowly blinked his eyes open to stare right at a terrified-looking Hajoon. “Thank God, hyung, you scared us. Don’t pass out again!”

“What?”, Woosung asked, his head too fuzzy to make sense of the words. He lifted his head to look at his surroundings but was urgently pushed back into Dojoon’s arms.

“We are not trying that again, Woosung-ah”, Hajoon said sternly, “passing out once is bad enough.”

“I didn’t pass out”, Woosung replied petulantly, still not sure what was going on. There was a cold sensation on his foot that he couldn’t place.

“Yeah, sure”, Hajoon snorted. “Take a few sips of water.”

The younger held out a bottle and Woosung managed to drink a few sips lying down. The pounding in his head reduced but it was quickly replaced by the pain in his ankle.

Right. Practice. Falling. Pain. Injury.

Maybe he had really passed out, not that he would ever admit that. He pushed the bottle away, his arm stiff from the bandage and the pain flaring up with the movement. But he was still nauseous and he wasn’t sure if any more water would stay down. Hajoon took the bottle away, apparently satisfied with the amount he had drunk.

“We didn’t call the manager yet, we thought you might want a bit privacy at the moment. We can tell him later. For now let’s get you checked out”, Dojoon explained.

“I don’t want Black Rose to see me like this”, Woosung said, only half-joking. He really didn’t want any fans to see him right now, helpless and depending on his members.

“Checked out by a doctor. A doctor!”, Dojoon replied, exasperated, “Oh my God, get your mind out of the gutter.”

“Let us be happy he can still twist our words into dirty puns”, Jaehyeong added with a laugh.

“If this was the worst thing I heard him say today, I would be happy”, Hajoon said, “come on up, Hajoon-train on your beck and call.”

“Shouldn’t it be Ha-choo-n-train?”, Jaehyeong mused. Hajoon raised his eyebrows. “You know, choo-choo, the sound a train makes?”, the maknae added weakly.

“Oh, Jaehyeong, that is the worst pun I’ve heard in my life”, Dojoon groaned, “and I live with Hajoon.”

“Oh, shut up, Do-choo-n”, Hajoon said, his eyes glistening with mirth, ignoring the small “we all do” from Jaehyeong. Woosung couldn’t suppress a chuckle. While Hajoon’s jokes often were really bad Woosung did enjoy seeing the younger member enjoy them. Besides, at the moment it distracted him from the pain, so win-win.

Woosung couldn’t help but add onto the joke: “Shouldn’t it be back and call?”

They all burst into laughter again. Dojoon whined: “Why? Why are the three worst puns of today not from Hajoon? I thought better of you two!”

“I hate you all”, Hajoon groaned, not happy anymore to be the butt of the joke, “can we go now, please?”

All the happiness and laughter vanished the moment Hajoon and Jaehyeong tried to lift Woosung to his feet – or foot. Due to the injuries on his arms he couldn’t help but yelp when he moved to wrap his arms around their necks. The two had crouched down on either side of him but they quickly realized that this was not the way they would get the leader up.

In the end he had to hold onto Hajoon’s shoulder tightly while the younger held onto his knees. It was beyond embarrassing how Jaehyeong and Dojoon practically had to lift his weight onto Hajoon’s back and then had to help the drummer up from his kneeling position.

“Are you good to go?”, Dojoon asked, resting a hand on Woosung’s waist for added stability and pressing an ice pack against his ankle at the same time, while Jaehyeong quickly gathered their bags and Woosung’s discarded sock and shoe.

Woosung nodded at the question. He was nauseous again from the pain, his ankle throbbing in beat with his heart. He didn’t feel ready, knowing no matter how careful Hajoon was it would hurt. But a hospital with medication sounded better and better.

Sadly, Woosung was right. The short walk to Jaehyeong’s car was torture. Each step send of jolt of pain up from his ankle to his whole leg. Woosung pressed his forehead against the younger’s shoulder and just tried to breathe.

Woosung was set down in the backseat, his leg stretched out and foot resting in Dojoon’s lap. Jaehyeong drove and Hajoon was in front of Woosung in the passenger seat. At least they had barely met any staff so the humiliation of being seen like this was not as bad as it could have been.

Once at the hospital Woosung was lifted onto Jaehyeong’s back and he held onto him for dear life. Why was the maknae so tall? Dojoon walked beside them and pulled the hood of Hajoon’s hoodie over his face. The younger had lend it to him the moment he started shivering from the cold of the ice pack.

Hajoon held open the door for them as Jaehyeong carried Woosung inside but stayed behind them, letting Dojoon take the lead. None of them really had hospital experience, especially not at the one they were at, but they were surprised by the sheer amount of people sitting in the waiting area.

Dojoon, looking more confident than Woosung assumed he felt, approached the stressed looking nurse at the front desk, Jaehyeong with Woosung and Hajoon waiting a few steps back.

“Yes?”

“My friend injured his foot during a fall”, Dojoon explained, gesturing at Woosung.

The nurse looked up at Woosung and he felt himself flush under the scrutinising gaze. He waved awkwardly and winced the next second. Urgh.

“Is he hurt somewhere else?”, she asked.

“His arms are a bit bruised and were bleeding but we got that fixed. We’re just worried he broke his ankle”, Dojoon replied.

“You’ll have to wait”, the nurse said, her tone sorry, “there was just a big car crash, most of the victims are being transferred here. He really isn’t a priority for us at the moment, I’m sorry. One of you can stay here and wait with him but expect something around five hours at least.”

Woosung looked around, feeling uneasy. There were a lot of people and he really didn’t want a picture of himself like this land on the internet. As their popularity grew the chance of getting recognized also grew. Anybody could be waiting for the right time for a picture to get a moment of fame on the internet.

“Would you recommend going to a different hospital?”, Dojoon asked, just as unhappy with the information as Woosung was. Hajoon placed a comforting hand on Woosung’s back, probably as anxious as Woosung felt. Jaehyeong shifted uncomfortably, causing Woosung to groan. “Sorry, hyung”, he whispered. Woosung just patted the younger’s shoulder.

The nurse shook her head. “No, the closer hospitals will be as swarmed as us and further away you will probably have problems as the highway is closed in both directions.”

Dojoon nodded thoughtfully then leaned closer and whispered to the nurse, who looked between him and Woosung.

“I’ll have somebody bring you to an empty waiting room immediately”, she said, “you’ll still have to wait but you’ll be alone in there.” Ah, so Dojoon had pulled the ‘K-Pop idol card’. Woosung could kiss him right about now though he normally disliked using it as a way to get better service.

The woman handed Dojoon a stack of papers, then she flagged down a different nurse and whispered with her for a few minutes. The other nurse seemed less than pleased but waved at them to follow her. They were led into a small room which barely fit the gurney-bed and the lone chair it held.

“You can wait here”, she said and turned to leave.

“Wait”, Hajoon spoke up, obviously struggling against his dislike to talk to strangers, “isn’t there anything you can do to help his pain at least?”

“No”, the nurse replied shortly, the door falling shut in her leave.

🌹

“Wow”, Dojoon mumbled and pulled Hajoon into a comforting side-hug as the younger looked a mix of confused and hurt. “That was … rude.”

“Can I just lay down?”, Woosung asked quietly, trying to brush away the dark cloud that hung over their heads but also really wanting to be horizontal again. The ice pack was slowly turning warm and useless, the pain unfreezing along with it.

“Yes, of course”, Jaehyeong said. They had to manoeuvre a bit in the small space but soon Woosung was set down on the edge of the gurney and Dojoon helped him lean back so he was lying on his back. Woosung exhaled deeply, happy to not having to told himself up anymore.

Hajoon sat down at the headrest of the bed and Woosung placed his head in his lap, enjoying the way the younger started playing with his hair. Dojoon lifted his feet into his lap, plopping himself down at the footrest, feeling the ice pack and discarding it.

“I’ll go see if I can find a new one”, Jaehyeong said and left the room.

“How are you feeling now, Sammy?”, Dojoon asked gently.

“Bad. My ankle really hurts. I’m kinda nauseous from the pain and I’m so exhausted”, Woosung admitted, “what about the tour?”

“Do you think you might need to be sick?”, Hajoon questioned, already reaching out for a kidney dishes that was lying on a small shelf.

“I dunno”, Woosung mumbled. Hajoon shrugged and put the emergency cardboard next to Woosung’s shoulder onto the gurney.

“Don’t worry about work”, Dojoon said, now that the situation was resolved – at least for the moment. “Maybe it’s not as bad as it looks and even if it is, we’ll find a way to work around it.”

Woosung gave a thumbs-up, not convinced but also not wanting to talk about work any further. Dojoon turned his attention to the check-in papers he was handed by the nurse.

They stayed in silence until Jaehyeong came back, holding two bottles of sprite in one hand and Woosung’s phone in his other. He was sporting a sheepish expression.

“Uh, manager-nim wasn’t happy about our disappearance. He really didn’t appreciate finding the room empty except for the first-aid kit and Hajoon-hyung’s abandoned drumsticks. I explained the situation and he agrees that it’s good that we are here but he would have liked a call. He checked Naver and said he won’t be able to come, the roads are completely blocked”, the youngest explained, “also they don’t have any ice packs to spare but the vending machine is cooled.”

He tossed one of the bottles at Dojoon who placed it against Woosung’s ankle. It didn’t help as much as the ice pack had but it did help. Still Woosung shivered at the cold, despite Hajoon’s hoodie.

As soon as they noticed, Dojoon and Jaehyeong looked at each other and threw their own jackets on top of Woosung. “Aren’t you cold?”, he asked, astonished.

“Don’t worry about us, Sung-ah”, Dojoon said and spread the jackets over Woosung’s body. Sadly, they didn’t help as much as Woosung had hoped.

“Would you like to drink something?”, Jaehyeong offered but Woosung shook his head. His stomach didn’t feel like he would puke, yet he didn’t feel like testing his luck. Jaehyeong sighed and sat down on the chair, taking one of Woosung’s hands in his.

Time passed aggravatingly slow. It had barely been an hour and Woosung was really uncomfortable. While he was glad for his members’ presences he wished he could just lay down under his warm blankets in his room and sleep. The maknae had brought the paper work to the front desk but had been told that they really had chosen a really bad day to come in. Dojoon, Hajoon and Jaehyeong were talking in quiet voices but it was clear that the conversation was forced. Normally words flowed quickly between them and it was hard to stop any chaos but right now none of them knew what to talk about.

Part 2: I got you, you got me, nothin' in the way II

Masterlist links: Fairy's Full Masterlist Fairy's Masterlist - The Rose  

[fairyniceyeah]

⌛🐶🌹❤️Oh, love is something good for us to share

Title from California (The Rose)

Summary: ATEEZ' Yunho is suffering from heat exhaustion at Coachella but he soon finds help from unusual caretakers – The Rose hyungs. But Dojoon and Jaehyeong themselves are not doing good either. (The Rose/ATEEZ - Crossover)

CW: emeto, talk of fainting

Sickie: Yunho (+ Dojoon/Leo + Jaehyeong/Jeff) Caretakers: Woosung/Sammy + Hajoon/Dylan (+ Hongjoong + Seonghwa)

Coachella was too hot. California was too hot. Yunho was too hot.

He had thought that filming the “Pirate King” and “Treasure” M/Vs in the Moroccan desert had been bad. But back then they had been able to take breaks in the shade, been able to drink between takes.

On the Coachella stage - despite it just being the rehearsal - under the sweltering Californian sun in a hurry to get everything perfect no real breaks had been possible. Wherever they had stood there had been sun. It had been exhausting. Within the first fifteen minutes he had gotten a bad headache, constantly blinded by the light, and he started feeling dizzy and unwell. The muscle cramps had started shortly after.

Yunho had tried to drink between songs but he had gotten too nauseous too soon. 

It wasn’t like it was his fault that he couldn’t deal with heat well.

⌛🌹

He had been glad when their rehearsal was over (though he looked forward to the performance the next day) and they could get cooled down. So at the first opportunity once they were off-stage, Yunho had walked away from the group in search of a cooler place than their waiting area. The others had been too preoccupied with celebrating their successful stage and trying to deal with the heat as well. Poor Yeosang had looked downright sunburned, now matter how much sunscreen the stylists had put on him.

Yunho managed to stumble upon a bathroom, located at the far side of the artists’ area. To his surprise it was empty. 

Even better: Everything was deliciously cooled by an A/C and seemed clean enough. Not caring if he was delirious or thinking about any germs, Yunho just laid down on the cold tiles, feeling them absorb his body heat instantly.

Wow, that felt good. His clothes were soaked in sweat but the freeze on his back was amazing.

He closed his eyes, his heavy eyes with the hazy vision, and tried to catch his breath. He would get up soon to find his group. He would be fine for a moment here, he just didn’t want to brave the heat again.

Yunho nearly dropped off to sleep when he was irritated by loud voices from outside the door.

⌛🌹

“Leo, I told you that eating fast food was a bad idea”, somebody said in Korean. Yunho didn’t even have time to be confused about that - after all they were in an English-speaking country - then the door was pushed open and a few people came in.

Yunho seriously couldn’t care less. As long as they let him lie there, he was happy.

But then there was a surprised shout, a curse and somebody gently shook him.

“I’m good, it’s just hot”, Yunho slurred and blinked open his eyes.

As his vision cleared, he was taken aback.

“Woosung-sunbaenim?”he asked, confused, brain not quite catching up to his eyes. Of course he knew that The Rose sunbaenims were at Coachella too and they had hoped they would run into them. He just hadn’t expected that so soon. Mingi would be so jealous of him. 

At the moment the only feeling he himself could muster was some form of shame - here he was laying on a hopefully not too dirty bathroom floor, exhausted to the core. It didn't make for a good first impression.

“Isn’t that ATEEZ’s Yunho?”, a different voice asked.

“Leo, get to that sink before you actually puke everywhere”, Woosung commanded, not looking away from Yunho. It was kinda weird holding eye contact with his sunbaenim, Yunho mused. But he could only blink. It was as if his body was mush. “Jeff, go with him. Dylan, come here, help me with him.”

What was up with his sunbaenims? Were they okay?

It was kind of a coincidence they had all ended up in the same bathroom in this huge area. Maybe they had looked for a more private area too? Yunho didn't actually care enough to ask. He just wanted his peace. Probably would not get that but so be it. At least he could brag to Mingi.

A second person knelt down by Yunho’s side. Ah, Hajoon-sunbaenim, their drummer. The older man looked really worried for some reason.

“Why are you here alone, Yunho-ssi? What happened? Where is your group?”, Woosung asked gently.

“Uh, I was too hot. It’s cool here, dunno where they are, sunbaenim”, Yunho mumbled. Maybe it should phase him that he didn’t know where his members were but he was so tired.

“No, stay awake”, Hajoon said, placing a hand against Yunho’s neck, “hyung, his pulse is really fast.”

"Yunho-ssi, what else do you feel?", Woosung-sunbaenim asked urgently.

"Head hurts, kinda nauseous, my muscles were cramping. I just wanted to be cool again, it's so hot." Yunho groaned. Couldn't they let him sleep?

“Heat exhaustion”, Woosung said grimly, addressing Hajoon probably, “if not heatstroke. They just had their rehearsal under the sun, no wonder he isn’t feeling good. Do we have water and where the fuck is that electric fan?”

“We only have this left”, Hajoon answered and handed Woosung a half-full water bottle before jumping to his feet, “I’ll see if I can get more and find his group. Do we need a medic?”

“Yunho-ssi, do you have your phone?”, Woosung asked. Yunho just shrugged and let Woosung pat his pockets. The older man came up empty.

“Go get water and maybe ice first, Hajoon-ah. If you find a manager or whoever have them call ATEEZ. No, hey, Yunho-ssi, stay awake, please. You said you feel nauseous? Do you think you might need to be sick?”

“Maybe”, Yunho admitted shyly. He was really making a great first impression. Not.

“It’s okay, stuff happens. Don’t be embarrassed. Are you dizzy?”

“A bit.” Ah, to hell with impressions. He just wanted to close his eyes again.

“Can you sit up for me?”

Yunho shook his head a bit. Sitting up sounded like it would make his nausea and exhaustion worse. Why did his sunbaenim have to insist on this? He was happy enough alone on the floor.

“Jeff, help me sit him up, please. He needs to drink. Oh, you have the fan, gimme please.” 

⌛🌹

Suddenly everything swirled as he was propped upright and Yunho gagged dryly. Nothing came up, probably everything that was in his body had vaporized already. Did that make sense? Yunho wasn’t sure.

Somebody tapped his cheek and Yunho tried to swat at the annoying hands. At least the breeze on his face from the fan felt good and the cool of the wall on his back was welcome. “No, open your eyes, Yunho-ssi. Or I will call an ambulance.”

That had Yunho awake. He did not want to go to the hospital. And he really did not want to see Hongjoong-hyung’s sad, pouting, disappointed face if he ended up there. Or any of the others’, really. Besides, they were at Coachella - he wanted to enjoy it.

“Drink”, Woosung said with a bit of force in his voice, “slow sips, we don’t want you to get sick. But you need to hydrate a bit. I am a bit scared of delivering you into Hongjoong-ssi’s care like this. He might kill me.”

“Joong-hyung is a marshmallow. Or a minion or something”, Yunho complained but drank a few sips of the offered water. Woosung gave him a bright smile and stroked Yunho’s sweat-soaked hair back from his forehead.

“Can you hold the fan yourself? Here you go. I’m sure he is, just not when I return you looking like this. Hell, I nearly fought RM and Suga once when they brought a sick Jaehyeong to me and I didn’t know what happened.”

“Sounds like a story”, Yunho mumbled as he took the fan from Woosung’s hand and took another sip. The bottle was empty then and he pouted. Drinking had helped a bit to clear his surroundings and he finally was able to focus on something else than Woosung’s face which previously had been the only thing he had been able to see clearly.

“It was - should have seen his tiny ass trying to threaten a guy nearly a head taller than him”, somebody said and Yunho turned to look at who had spoken. 

⌛🌹

The man had his back to them, leaning over the sink, so Yunho couldn’t be quite sure. But considering their earlier conversation and that the other man by his side had blond hair (so Jaehyeong, their bassist and maknae who still was like five years older than Yunho), he assumed it was Dojoon, their keyboardist, vocalist and whichever other instruments that dude could play. Mingi was so enamored.

“Is he alright?”, Yunho asked worriedly. It was a bit curious to see his sunbaenims like that.

“Huh? Who? Leo? Yeah, that dumbass just thought that eating fast food before jumping around in the heat during sound check was a great idea, especially when I told him not to. Sometimes I am right, aren’t I, Leo?”, Woosung grumbled but he did look a bit concerned when he mustered his ill member.

“Fuck off, Sammy”, Dojoon replied, sounding very nauseated and ending his sentence with a harsh swallow. Uh-oh. “California, our worries make no sense”, he added in English. Why he suddenly switched languages Yunho wasn’t sure but he congratulated himself in understanding it. Maybe it was one of their songs? He'd have to ask Mingi. He was too tired to remember.

“That was not what I was going for with the lyrics. Like not even close”, Woosung complained, “and I told you multiple times that a large order of fries with a burger was a bad idea. I am from California, I know what I am talking about.” That at least answered the lyric question.

“Can we stop talking about food now?”, the third member, Jaehyeong, cut in, “besides: California, where people make freedom.” 

He, too, didn’t look so good, Yunho thought. Well, that was a lie. His sunbaenims did always look good. He himself was probably looking pathetic though.

“You too?”, Woosung asked, exasperated, “Freedom to make dumb choices, I guess. I can’t go with you lot anywhere.”

⌛🌹

“Stop picking on me when I am not even there”, Hajoon complained from the doorway, holding a few bottles of water and an ice pack in his arms. That looked like a lifeline, pun intended.

“I wasn’t”, Woosung complained, but added a suspicious: “You didn’t overeat before practice, did you?”

“I’m not stupid”, Hajoon commented, earning himself a "fuck off" from Jaehyeong, at the same time that Dojoon apparently lost the fight against his stomach and raced to a bathroom stall. Disgusting sounds echoed through the bathroom and Yunho cringed. Hearing that did his own stomach no favor.

Woosung sighed and gestured at Yunho. “Joon-ah, you got him for a moment? I’ll check on … Joon-ah. Fuck your names.”

Hajoon rolled his eyes but he gave Yunho a kind smile as he knelt down by his side and pressed the ice to his neck. Oh, God, that felt good. Yunho moaned at the refreshing feeling, not even caring anymore how he was kind of embarrassing himself. 

“Hi, Yunho-ssi”, Hajoon said, “can you try to drink a bit more? Oh, Jeff, you too.” He pushed one of the bottles to Jaehyeong, causing it to collide with the other man’s legs. Jaehyeong just groaned.

“Idiots, all of them”, Hajoon commented and grinned when he got Yunho to giggle a bit. “I wasn’t able to locate your members but do you know any of their phone numbers?”

Quickly Yunho gave him Mingi’s phone number - the only number of his members he knew by heart. Hajoon typed it into the keypad. Before he dialed he looked up and called: “Sammy, you know, you could have just asked him if he knew any of the phone numbers.”

“Sorry”, Yunho mumbled, feeling himself flush. He should have thought of that. If only his head didn’t hurt so badly.

“Wha…? Oh”, Woosung’s voice came, then a middle finger appeared under the stall. 

“Hey, I didn’t do anything. Neither did you, Yunho-ssi, he’s just a grumbling old man”, Hajoon said with a laugh. He seemed happy to tease his hyung. Somehow he reminded Yunho of Jongho.

“Wait until you turn thirty, I will make so many jokes”, Woosung called, then went back to comforting an obviously still very nauseous Dojoon.

“You’re still over a year older than me, hyung”, Hajoon teased and winked at Yunho. Oh, teasing to make Yunho more comfortable with his sunbaenims. That was actually kind of nice.

“I’m going to call Mingi-ssi now”, Hajoon said and put the phone on speaker.

⌛🌹

“Hello?”, Mingi’s deep voice filtered through the air. Yunho smiled a bit, he did want to be reunited with his members. Just somewhere cool. 

“Hi, Mingi-yah”, Yunho whispered before Hajoon could say anything.

Mingi gasped and he sounded panicked when he answered: “Yunho? Yunho-yah? Where are you? We were so worried? Hyung, no, wait….”

“Yunho-yah?”, Seonghwa’s worried voice came instead. His overprotective eldest hyung must have snatched the phone from Mingi. 

“Urgh, give that to me”, Hongjoong said, sounding further away and then louder: “Yunho, baby, where are you? Whose phone are you calling from?”

Yunho hid his face in his hand. His members were embarrassing - Seonghwa and Hongjoong actually acted like parents sometimes.

“Uh, mine,” Hajoon said, obviously suppressing a laugh, and introduced himself: “Hajoon from The Rose.”

Instantly the other side of the phone turned quiet. “Sunbaenim? What’s going on? Thank you for calling”, Hongjoong asked, trying to sound polite and not overly scared. He failed spectacularly at the last part.

“Yunho’s just not feeling so good”, Hajoon started to explain. It was very obvious at that moment that Hajoon was one of the younger members of The Rose - he had never learned how to deliver bad news and not make anybody’s leader panic. 

Before he could get any further, however, he was interrupted. It would have been rude in any other situation but it was actually kind of sweet how worried Hongjoong got.

“What’s wrong? Where are you?” There were probably a thousand bad scenarios running through the leader’s head at that phrasing. 

Hajoon quickly gave a description of their whereabouts to Hongjoong who promised to be there as soon as possible and was about to hang up when Yunho mumbled: “Hyung, I really don’t need all of you to come. Take Seonghwa-hyung. Don’t bring Mingi.”

“Alright”, Hongjoong said softly, “hold on, baby, we’ll be there soon.” The call ended.

⌛🌹

Hajoon had his eyebrow raised when Yunho looked at him. “Why don’t you want Mingi? Aren’t you like best friends?”, he asked curiously. 

How did Hajoon know? It would be something an ATINY would know but that didn’t really make sense, did it? Urgh, thinking hurt. 

“We are”, Yunho confirmed instead, “but he is totally a Black Rose. I doubt that he wants, uh, this to be his first real interaction.” He awkwardly gestured at Jaehyeong, who had sat down by the sinks and was slowly sipping on the bottle of water Hajoon had given him.

“Fair enough”, Hajoon agreed, grimacing. "Actually, thanks, I guess."

They looked up when the stall door opened and Dojoon and Woosung stumbled out. Dojoon was still very pale and Woosung had a stabilizing hand on the small of his back. But Dojoon was looking much better than earlier.

“How are you?”, Jaehyeong asked dejectedly when Woosung deposited Dojoon next to him. The older man just groaned but accepted the bottle of water their leader pressed into his hand.

"Thanks for asking, Jeff. Oh, me? Yes, I am feeling better too, thanks", Jaehyeong said rhetorically, a bit annoyed. He acted a bit like San when he was pouty. Weird.

"Be nice, kid", Dojoon replied, causing them to argue quietly.

Woosung ignored them and came to crouch down by Yunho’s side again. “Are you feeling better then? Or should I prepare to run from your leader?”, he asked teasingly.

⌛🌹

“Uh, what?”, Hongjoong asked from the door. None of them had noticed him and Seonghwa entering. With all eyes on him after the rather not eloquent question he turned beet-red. “Sunbaenims”, he muttered and pulled at Seonghwa to make them bow.

“Don’t bow, Hongjoong-ssi, Seonghwa-ssi”, Woosung said with a smile.

It was Seonghwa’s turn to flush. “You know us, sunbaenim?”

“Of course”, Hajoon agreed, “Woosung-hyung is totally an ATINY. I think he has merch, actually. We all love your music. Also we tried to do the Bouncy challenge and I nearly ruined my ba… too soon?” He glanced at Woosung who just rolled his eyes.

“Yes, three weeks is too soon, brat”, Woosung replied, “also, may I remind you that you cried more than me that day?”

Hajoon seemed to choose to ignore the second part though he ducked his head a bit. The cough that he muffled with his hand sounded suspiciously like “grandfather” but Woosung just gave him a simultaneous warning and exasperated glance before focusing his attention on ATEEZ's eldest.

Hongjoong and Seonghwa both seemed as taken aback as Yunho by Hajoon’s confession of being ATINY. It was not everyday that a sunbaenim who you adored adored you right back. Wow. While Hongjoong had turned a bit red again (maybe he just had sunburn though?) Seonghwa couldn’t quite hide his shock, evident by his wide eyes and open mouth.

"I'm glad you are here, Hongjoong-ssi, Seonghwa-ssi", Woosung said, pulling them out of their awe, "I think it's only a case of a bit of heat exhaustion but you should get Yunho-ssi checked out by a medic, just in case."

"Thank you, sunbaenim", Hongjoong replied, distractedly, and rushed over to Yunho now that the greetings were over. Well, to be fair, the only thing that probably had stopped him before had not actually been social conventions but rather confusion. 

Hajoon scooted to the side to make space for him and ended up beside Yunho, also leaning against the wall. With his head pounding and eyes dropping, Yunho leaned sideways and rested his head on his shoulder. Maybe it was a bit inappropriate - after all they had known each other for less than an hour but he was tired. Hongjoong only looked worried and surprised but nobody said anything about it.

"Baby, we were so worried when we realized we didn't know where you were", Hongjoong mumbled, placing a cool hand tenderly against Yunho's cheek, "you can't just run off, especially if you don't feel well."

Yunho flushed a bit under the attention. All eyes were focused on him and it made his skin crawl. He had not wanted attention. That had been the first reason why he had run away. Apparently you couldn’t feel unwell anywhere in peace. Deep down though, he was glad.

"Didn't want to make you worry", he mumbled, staring down at his lap. Now that the excitement had died down again he felt like he was hit by a truck. And not an ice-cream one. "I was just a bit too hot."

"You never handled the heat well", Seonghwa sighed, taking Yunho's hand in his own, feeling the pulse in his wrist. “Remember filming Pirate King and Treasure?”

Hongjoong groaned. “Yeah, that was fun. Sorry, Yunho, we should have paid more attention. I hope he didn’t bother you, sunbaenims?” 

If Yunho hadn’t been so comfy he would have been offended. Being a “bother” was Wooyoung's job. But he was content to just watch with half-lidded eyes.

“Not at all. He’s a delight”, Woosung replied, “and please, stop calling us ‘sunbaenim’. ‘Hyung’ or our names are fine, ‘sunbaenim’ makes us feel old. Hajoon, I am warning you.”

The drummer had opened his mouth to probably make another joke but decided he wanted to live another day. Yunho giggled a bit. Their dynamics were funny, he had to admit. 

“Alright, thank you. Hyung”, Seonghwa said, “we don’t want to keep you here, surely you have other things to do?”

⌛🌹

It was at that moment that he looked around and seemed to take in Dojoon’s and Jaehyeong’s complexions for the first time. He faltered for a moment then his face turned worried.

“Are you alright?”, he asked. God, he really was a mother sometimes. Even to people like four or five years his senior.

“Yeah, they will be fine. They are just regretting their decision to eat before jumping around in the heat. Turns out, what a surprise, it wasn’t a good idea”, Woosung explained before the two could defend themselves.

“You’ll hold that over our heads for the rest of our lives, won’t you?”, Jaehyeong whined, throwing his empty water bottle in Woosung’s general direction. He missed spectacularly. 

“We had that particular problem before”, Hongjoong said pointedly, staring at Seonghwa. 

“Oh, that’s what yesterday was about?”, Yunho asked. Seonghwa flushed and stuttered: “I … uhm, I’m sure the food was just out in the sun too long.”

“Yeah, sure”, Hongjoong deadpanned, “but you are right, we should get going. We already sent the kids back to the hotel. They fought hard to stay and are really worried about you, but we all deserve a night off. The only thing they can do at the moment is rest. But I fear Mingi may have paced a hole in the hotel’s carpet by now. Anyways, Yunho-yah, do you think you can stand? We’ll take you to the medics to get checked out and then how does a nap sound?”

“Heavenly”, Yunho mumbled, “hyung, I am so tired. My head hurts too. But I can stand.”

“Still nauseous?”, Hajoon asked gently. Shockingly, no. Yunho shook his head. 

“Okay, that’s good”, Hongjoong agreed, “medical and then you can sleep.”

“Up you go”, Seonghwa said and with his and Hajoon’s help Yunho was standing. Well, leaning on his Seonghwa-hyung but he was on his feet. Hongjoong reached up and smoothed Yunho’s hair out of his face.

“Why do you have to be so tall, Yunho-yah?”, the captain asked fondly.

“You’re just tiny, hyung”, Yunho quipped, causing Seonghwa, Hajoon and Jaehyeong to laugh. 

Hongjoong groaned. Woosung patted his back in a sympathetic gesture. “I feel you, Hongjoong-ah.”

They all burst into laughter again. Hongjoong and Woosung both had similar pouting expressions on their faces.

“Okay, let’s actually go”, Hongjoong said, shaking his head, and turned to Woosung and Hajoon, who had come to stand beside his leader, “thank you so much for your help, hyungs.” He bowed a bit.

“We’re happy we could help. Feel better soon, kiddo”, Woosung replied and turned to Yunho. To the dancer’s shock he actually hugged him. Oh, wow. Hajoon followed suit. 

“Thank you”, Yunho mumbled and looked at Dojoon and Jaehyeong who were cuddled up together still, “I hope you two feel better soon as well.”

“Thank you”, they echoed. Jaehyeong waved and Dojoon added: “I’d hug you too but I think I’d puke again if I have to stand up.”

“Great, let’s get you idiots back to the hotel too”, Woosung mumbled and knelt down beside his two unwell members.

Yunho, Seonghwa and Hongjoong waved at them until they left the bathroom.

⌛🌹

A health check by a medic and an order to rest and drink plenty later, Seonghwa and Hongjoong led Yunho back to the hotel. He nearly fell asleep on Seonghwa’s shoulder in the elevator but was shaken awake by Hongjoong. He whined.

“You can sleep soon, you big baby”, Hongjoong said fondly, “just, you scared us today. Really scared us and I hate to think what would have happened if The Rose-hyungs hadn’t found you. We’ll talk about that another time but for now be prepared to have five anxious dongsaengs fuss over you.”

The captain unlocked the door and as soon as they entered the hotel room, Mingi practically assaulted Yunho with a tight, comforting hug.

“What happened? Yunho, why were you with The Rose-sunbaenims?”, Mingi asked, never letting go. Yunho was content to be just held.

“Well, the The Rose-hyungs found me, actually”, Yunho said and couldn’t help but brag: “Woosung-hyung called me a ‘delight’.”

Mingi’s shocked and envious face definitely was worth getting heat exhaustion.

But he would never dare admit that particular sentiment to his Hongjoong-hyung.

Yunho liked living.

Notes: Guys, I’m not from America and have never been to Coachella. I tried to research a bit but I couldn’t really find much about security and backstage areas for the artists. I doubt they will just walk around with the other people though, so a more comfortable and sanitary backstage area is what I imagine. Correct me if I am wrong and get me a ticket then:) 

This was written before Coachella, so I didn't know the performance times yet! I decided to change a few things so this is now after the rehearsal which was during daytime.

Masterlist links: Fairy's Full Masterlist Fairy's Masterlist - ATEEZ Fairy's Masterlist - The Rose  

[fairyniceyeah]

⌛ ATEEZ Masterlist ⌛

Fairy's Full Masterlist

Whole group:

ATEEZ Headcanons - Emeto ATEEZ Headcanons - Dizzy/Feverish ATEEZ Headcanons - Taking medication ATEEZ Headcanons - Headaches & Migraines ATEEZ Headcanons - Sick but not sick enough to stay home

🐿️ Hongjoong:

Drink up, one more, drink up Filming for Fever Road Ep. 4 is going well until Hongjoong is required to drink the fish sauce… [CW: emeto, allergic reaction, stye, IVs]

Nobody loves you like (we) do After going to bed early during film night Hongjoong starts feeling unwell, his members come to the rescue. [CW: emeto]

I know, I’m with you, lean on Jongho and Hongjoong suffer from food poisoning on the way to an MV filming. [CW: emeto]

Wash it away, oh, make it rain now Translation issues cause Hongjoong to eat something he has an intolerance to at Coachella and he needs Seonghwa to help him out of the public eye. [CW: emeto, kind of public emeto, medics, IVs]

We can make everything together San fetches Seonghwa and Hongjoong when Yunho starts feeling unwell at night. The MATZ hyungs stay up with the sick member, taking care of him. Hongjoong gets sympathy sick. [CW: emeto, bad dreams]

I’m not okay Filming for the "NOT OKAY" M/V overwhelms Hongjoong. Wooyoung senses his hyung needs some comfort and tlc. [CW: mental health issues, mentions of trauma]

Thank you for being on my side Hongjoong is hit by a bad bout of the stomach flu. Still their manager forces him to go to a meeting with the most important people in the company. Seonghwa just wants the day to end but it only gets worse from then on. [CW: emeto, diarrhea in the context of illness, idol mistreatment, hospitals, appendicitis, surgery, sasaeng fans]

Tears in diamond Hongjoong is sick, overwhelmed and in need of taking care of. Too bad that Award season was in the near future. Yet he doesn’t make it through, collapsing backstage. [CW: emeto, idol mistreatment, hospitals, CPR, critical medical conditions]

Spelling Colour with a "U" - ao3    Hongjoong struggles with differentiating between being ATEEZ strong captain and just being human. The Mayfly rap-unit and his members help him find balance again - especially as his food intolerances get in the way. [CW: emeto, insecurity, mental health issues, mentions of Mingi's hiatus]

⭐ Seonghwa:

Passion Young Fever Seonghwa just wants to sleep but soon Hongjoong realizes he is running a fever. Seonghwa tries to push through but it doesn’t end up well. [CW: fainting]

We must going on Seonghwa’s bronchitis rears its ugly head during a meeting. Mingi always pays attention to his hyung's wellbeing. [CW: mentions of fainting, emeto]

🐶 Yunho:

I will stay for you Seonghwa finds a very ill Yunho in the bathroom, minutes before they need to be on stage. [CW: emeto]

Oh, love is something good for us to share Yunho is suffering from heat exhaustion at Coachella but he soon finds help from unusual caretakers – The Rose hyungs. But Dojoon and Jaehyeong themselves are not doing good either. (The Rose - Crossover) [CW: emeto, talk of fainting]

We can make everything together San fetches Seonghwa and Hongjoong when Yunho starts feeling unwell at night. The MATZ hyungs stay up with the sick member, taking care of him. [CW: emeto, bad dreams]

You’ll be alright, just take it slow Yunho wakes up feeling sick but begs Hongjoong to let him come to practice. It goes as well as one would think. [CW: emeto]

I’m ready for the dark Yunho is struggling to get through a grueling dance practice. He drops the moment it’s over. [CW: emeto, fainting]

👑 Yeosang

No more, keep your soul The morning before a concert Yeosang starts feeling awful to a point where he wishes to just be unable to perform but despite Hongjoong’s protests he is forced to be on stage. [CW: emeto, fainting, medics, hospital, idol mistreatment, self-doubt, open ending]

⛰️ San

I don’t wanna be alone At the park with his members San suddenly starts feeling sick and Hongjoong comes to the rescue. [CW: emeto]

Hold me tight San sits out during filming for a stomach ache … turns out it’s not just a stomach ache… [CW: emeto, pain, diarrhea (in the context of illness, mentioned), ambulance, hospitals, surgery, IVs]

🦊 Wooyoung:

My Aurora Wooyoung wakes up sick – literally. He is feeling awful but his captain makes it better. [CW: emeto]

I don’t wanna stop until the break of dawn Wooyoung is sick, again. Seonghwa corners him only to find him burning up and overwhelmed. [CW: mentions of death]

🧸 Jongho:

I want to feeling my life Jongho is not doing well on ISAC day but he doesn’t want to burden his hyungs. Luckily Stray Kids' Seungmin notices and gets his Lee Know-hyung who helps the ATEEZ maknae. (Stray Kids - Crossover) [CW: emeto, kind of public emeto]

I know, I’m with you, lean on Jongho and Hongjoong suffer from food poisoning on the way to an MV filming. [CW: emeto]

Here is the link to the Request list for Fairy for an idea of upcoming fics!

[fairyniceyeah]

Full Masterlist

Note: This "full" Masterlist does not contain the fics from June of Doom 2024 and Sicktember 2024 since there are so many short fics. Please use the link above!

⌛ ATEEZ ⌛

Whole group:

ATEEZ Headcanons - Emeto ATEEZ Headcanons - Dizzy/Feverish ATEEZ Headcanons - Taking medication ATEEZ Headcanons - Headaches & Migraines ATEEZ Headcanons - Sick but not sick enough to stay home

🐿️ Hongjoong:

Drink up, one more, drink up Filming for Fever Road Ep. 4 is going well until Hongjoong is required to drink the fish sauce… [CW: emeto, allergic reaction, stye, IVs]

Nobody loves you like (we) do After going to bed early during film night Hongjoong starts feeling unwell, his members come to the rescue. [CW: emeto]

I know, I’m with you, lean on Jongho and Hongjoong suffer from food poisoning on the way to an MV filming. [CW: emeto]

Wash it away, oh, make it rain now Translation issues cause Hongjoong to eat something he has an intolerance to at Coachella and he needs Seonghwa to help him out of the public eye. [CW: emeto, kind of public emeto, medics, IVs]

We can make everything together San fetches Seonghwa and Hongjoong when Yunho starts feeling unwell at night. The MATZ hyungs stay up with the sick member, taking care of him. Hongjoong gets sympathy sick. [CW: emeto, bad dreams]

I’m not okay Filming for the "NOT OKAY" M/V overwhelms Hongjoong. Wooyoung senses his hyung needs some comfort and tlc. [CW: mental health issues, mentions of trauma]

Thank you for being on my side Hongjoong is hit by a bad bout of the stomach flu. Still their manager forces him to go to a meeting with the most important people in the company. Seonghwa just wants the day to end but it only gets worse from then on. [CW: emeto, diarrhoea, idol mistreatment, hospitals, appendicitis, surgery, sasaeng fans]

Tears in diamond Hongjoong is sick, overwhelmed and in need of taking care of. Too bad that Award season was in the near future. Yet he doesn’t make it through, collapsing backstage. [CW: emeto, idol mistreatment, hospitals, CPR, critical medical conditions]

Spelling Colour with a "U" - ao3    Hongjoong struggles with differentiating between being ATEEZ strong captain and just being human. The Mayfly rap-unit and his members help him find balance again - especially as his food intolerances get in the way. [CW: emeto, insecurity, mental health issues, mentions of Mingi's hiatus]

⭐ Seonghwa:

Passion Young Fever Seonghwa just wants to sleep but soon Hongjoong realizes he is running a fever. Seonghwa tries to push through but it doesn’t end up well. [CW: fainting]

We must going on Seonghwa’s bronchitis rears its ugly head during a meeting. Mingi always pays attention to his hyung's wellbeing. [CW: mentions of fainting, emeto]

🐶 Yunho:

I will stay for you Seonghwa finds a very ill Yunho in the bathroom, minutes before they need to be on stage. [CW: emeto]

Oh, love is something good for us to share Yunho is suffering from heat exhaustion at Coachella but he soon finds help from unusual caretakers – The Rose hyungs. But Dojoon and Jaehyeong themselves are not doing good either. (The Rose - Crossover) [CW: emeto, talk of fainting]

We can make everything together San fetches Seonghwa and Hongjoong when Yunho starts feeling unwell at night. The MATZ hyungs stay up with the sick member, taking care of him. [CW: emeto, bad dreams]

You’ll be alright, just take it slow Yunho wakes up feeling sick but begs Hongjoong to let him come to practice. It goes as well as one would think. [CW: emeto]

I’m ready for the dark Yunho is struggling to get through a grueling dance practice. He drops the moment it’s over. [CW: emeto, fainting]

👑 Yeosang

No more, keep your soul The morning before a concert Yeosang starts feeling awful to a point where he wishes to just be unable to perform but despite Hongjoong’s protests he is forced to be on stage. [CW: emeto, fainting, medics, hospital, idol mistreatment, self-doubt, open ending]

⛰️ San

I don’t wanna be alone At the park with his members San suddenly starts feeling sick and Hongjoong comes to the rescue. [CW: emeto]

Hold me tight San sits out during filming for a stomach ache … turns out it’s not just a stomach ache… [CW: emeto, pain, diarrhea (in the context of illness, mentioned), ambulance, hospitals, surgery, IVs]

🦊 Wooyoung:

My Aurora Wooyoung wakes up sick – literally. He is feeling awful but his captain makes it better. [CW: emeto]

I don’t wanna stop until the break of dawn Wooyoung is sick, again. Seonghwa corners him only to find him burning up and overwhelmed. [CW: mentions of death]

🧸 Jongho:

I want to feeling my life Jongho is not doing well on ISAC day but he doesn’t want to burden his hyungs. Luckily Stray Kids' Seungmin notices and gets his Lee Know-hyung who helps the ATEEZ maknae. [CW: emeto, kind of public emeto]

I know, I’m with you, lean on Jongho and Hongjoong suffer from food poisoning on the way to an MV filming. [CW: emeto]

💎 Seventeen 💎

Whole group:

I love my team, I love my crew I While filming on a small sailing boat a few SVT members start feeling sick - the very contagious norovirus is the most likely reason. [CW: emeto, diarrhea in the context of illness] I love my team, I love my crew II   Seungcheol, Jeonghan and the manager check on the sick members. The group has to decide how to go on as all are at risk of contagion. [CW: emeto, diarrhea in the context of illness] I love my team, I love my crew III Priority is to get the sick members comfortable. [CW: emeto, diarrhea in the context of illness, nightmares] I love my team, I love my crew IV    Jeonghan quickly learns that taking care of so many sick members is a hard task, even with a medic helping them out. [CW: emeto, diarrhea in the context of illness, fainting, IVs] I love my team, I love my crew V Jun receives bad news. [CW: emeto, high fevers, IVs] I love my team, I love my crew VI Jeonghan and Jun are faced with deciding which member receives the last medication. [CW: emeto, diarrhea in the context of illness, fevers, IVs]

🍚 Woozi/Jihoon:

I’m tryin’ to hold on Wonwoo and Seungcheol notice that Woozi isn't feeling well during a filming. While he manages to push through the aftermath gets worse. [CW: emeto]

Stay here with me After staying up with a sick Hoshi during In the Soop Jihoon catches his stomach bug, which causes a very unpleasant ride home. [CW: emeto]

🧭 Stray Kids 🧭

Whole Group:

Stray Kids Headcanons - Emeto Stray Kids Headcanons - Food poisoning

🐰 Lee Know:

Please don't care about me, it's okay Minho doesn’t feel well all evening and when he gets sick at night he reluctantly asks for help from his Channie-hyung. [CW: emeto]

🥟 Hyunjin:

I’ll never make you lonely Chan wakes up to a sick Hyunjin in the middle of the night. [CW: emeto]

🐶 Seungmin:

I’m afraid, I’m in pain, I’m okay After all the concerts and travels Seungmin gets an ear infection: He can either stay behind in America or attempt the painful plane travel with his members… [CW: emeto, medics, IVs]

You got me losing patience Seungmin slips on stage and to make matters worse, it’s because he is already sick with the stomach flu. Getting treatment at the hospital doesn’t go well. [CW: emeto, injuries, blood, needles, hospitals]

🌹 The Rose 🌹

Whole group:

The Rose Headcanons - Motionsick The Rose Headcanons - Sick but not sick enough to stay home

🤍 Woosung/Sammy:

'Cause everybody fears the one Hajoon has got the stomach flu – bad thing is: Woosung is terribly emetophobic. Jaehyeong comforts his hyung. Companion piece to Don’t you worry cause I’m with you now. [CW: emeto, panic attacks, emetophobia]

Deep inside my complex mind Backstory to ‘Cause everybody fears the one and Don’t you worry cause I’m with you now. Woosung is sick with the stomach flu for the first time with the members and the panic gets too much. [CW: mentions of depression and suicidal thoughts, emeto, fainting, panic attacks, emetophobia, paramedics, ambulances, hospitals]

I got you, you got me, nothin' in the way I I got you, you got me, nothin' in the way II Woosung falls during the preparation for their tour and injures his foot badly. Waiting at the hospital takes much longer than he can endure. [CW: injury, fainting, hospitals, nausea, emeto, IVs]

Don't forget when you were a child Woosung returns home to his eomma to relax during his time off. His stomach has other ideas. [CW: emeto]

❤️ Dojoon/Leo:

Oh, love is something good for us to share ATEEZ’ Yunho is suffering from heat exhaustion at Coachella but he soon finds help from unusual caretakers – The Rose hyungs. But Dojoon and Jaehyeong themselves are not doing good either. (ATEEZ - Crossover) [CW: emeto, talk of fainting]

🩵 Hajoon/Dylan:

Don’t you worry cause I’m with you now Hajoon starts feeling sick at night and is unable to leave the bathroom. Loneliness and guilt plague him as Jaehyeong is focused on the panicked Woosung whose emetophobia Hajoon triggered. Companion piece to ‘Cause everybody fears the one. [CW: emeto, guilt]

It’s better to be held than holding on Hajoon nearly throws up during the Q&A before a concert, is unable to keep anything down and still - despite his members worries - he insists on performing for Black Roses. [CW: emeto, kind of public emeto]

I'm under cold rain again After a week of vacation with his parents Hajoon is ready to see his members again. But instead he is sick, a few hours away, alone and the security guards are more than rude to him. All he wants to be is home. [CW: emeto, kind of public emeto, idol mistreatment]

💙 Hajoon Insecure Series:

Angel During a concert Hajoon suddenly starts feeling lonely and separated from his members. [CW: low self-esteem] Nauseous Hajoon overhears a conversation between his members that wasn’t for his ears. [CW: low self-esteem] Eclipse Why is Woosung so kind to him when hours ago he wanted to get rid of him? [CW: low self-esteem, faking sick, "migraine", mentions of "nausea"] Take Me Down Hajoon accidentally burns his hands, making himself useless as a drummer. [CW: low self-esteem, burns, intentional worsening of pain] Sorry Getting drunk is the only way Hajoon feels like he can deal with everything. [CW: low self-esteem, drunkness, alcohol consumption, emeto] Alive Was there truly a use for the Blue Rose? [CW: low self-esteem, loneliness] Sour It’s time to say what he needs to say. [CW: low self-esteem] Time Is it the last time I hold your hand? [CW: low self-esteem]

Eclipse - Gold Star The director's cut of Eclipse.

🩷 Jaehyeong/Jeff:

Oh, love is something good for us to share ATEEZ’ Yunho is suffering from heat exhaustion at Coachella but he soon finds help from unusual caretakers – The Rose hyungs. But Dojoon and Jaehyeong themselves are not doing good either. (ATEEZ - Crossover) [CW: emeto, talk of fainting]

Individual masterlists:

Fairy's Masterlist - ATEEZFairy's Masterlist - Stray KidsFairy's Masterlist - The Rose   Fairy's Masterlist - SEVENTEEN Fairy's June of Doom 2024   Fairy's Sicktember 2024

Here is the link to the Request list for Fairy for an idea of upcoming fics!

[fairyniceyeah]

🌹 Don’t you worry cause I’m with you now

Title from Angel (The Rose)

Summary: Hajoon starts feeling sick at night and is unable to leave the bathroom. Loneliness and guilt plague him as Jaehyeong is focused on the panicked Woosung whose emetophobia Hajoon triggered. Companion piece to 'Cause everybody fears the one.

CW: emeto, guilt

Sickie: Hajoon/Dylan Caretaker: Dojoon/Leo

Hajoon had been feeling energetic all day. They had had band practice, a song writing session and filmed two Tik-Toks. He had enjoyed every part of the day and even cooking together with Dojoon, who was not that great of a help in the kitchen as he thought he was, had not dampened his mood. Everything had been fine.

That was why he was so confused when he woke up feeling hot and sweaty in the middle of the night. At first he thought it was because he was sharing his blankets with Woosung, who tended to run hot. The group had been shocked when Woosung came down for breakfast a few days ago, shivering from head to toe even in his thick sweater and sweatpants. Damn broken heating that had left their leader miserable and tired all day. So of course Hajoon didn’t mind sharing. If only it wasn’t so hot.

Yet, as - without warning - his stomach lurched, he realized he had a whole different problem on his hands. He didn’t have time to care about anything but getting to the bathroom; so he pushed the blankets off himself and made a run for it. He managed to close the door behind himself before he fell to his knees in front of the toilet. His knees ached from the fall, but all he could care about was the way his stomach churned. He gagged and then everything came rushing up his throat, taking the air from him. Placing one elbow on the toilet seat, he rested his head in his hand; the other wrapped around his stomach.

Luckily the spell didn’t last long and he managed to sit back and flush the sickness away. Sweat was plastered all over his body, his shirt sticking to his chest and hair dipping into his eyes. Worse, his stomach still felt unsettled and now he was shivering from head to toe. Any hopes of this being just a one-time thing vanished and he resigned himself to a night on the bathroom floor. If only he had a blanket.

Suddenly tears, an expression of exhaustion and not feeling well, came to his eyes. He blinked frantically to clear his sight. There was no need to cry. Being sick sucked, yes, but he could do this. He leaned back against the bathtub and reached for his towel still draped over the heater. Hajoon wrapped it around his shoulders, a sad imitation of a hug.

Then he realized what he was missing the most: One of his members. Oh, how he wished somebody had woken up, would be there to take care of him. Hajoon might be an adult but having a friend by his side was a much better alternative than staying alone. Dojoon’s soft teasing, Woosung’s worry and Jaehyeong’s quiet comfort sounded heavenly right now.

Fuck.

Woosung.

His emetophobic hyung.

The tears Hajoon had tried to hold down spilled over onto his cheeks. No matter if Woosung had been woken up by his run to the bathroom or if he was none the wiser for now, at the latest he would be affected in the morning. Hajoon had never understood his hyung’s fear – yes, vomit was gross and it was definitely not the best way to spend the night. But the panic attacks, the avoiding, the fear of food and germs? He had never been able to totally grasp what made Woosung so afraid. That’s probably why it was a phobia – it wasn’t rational, they all knew that, even Woosung.

Yet that made this situation so much worse. Hajoon had been the first one to find out, going after Woosung when he had fled after Dojoon had thrown up his dinner all those years ago. First they had assumed he had gone to take care of Dojoon but when Hajoon had walked past the leader’s room, he had found Woosung there. Back then he had been confused and overwhelmed by finding Woosung pressed against his desk, scratching at his arms and sobbing like the world was ending. It had taken nearly half-an-hour for him to calm down, not even wanting to get touched. Hajoon had waited patiently, though worried out of his mind, and wrapped his hyung’s bleeding arms in bandages. His heart had broken listening to Woosung try to explain and beating himself up about the situation. The look of fear in Jaehyeong’s eyes when he had come to see what was going on and found Woosung completely freaked out was branded in Hajoon’s mind.

Ever since, he had noticed how Woosung would get reluctant around food – especially take-out from the day before – around sick people, around the sound of coughing. 

Hajoon had been the one to call the ambulance when Woosung was sick himself, panicked beyond any understanding of his surroundings, lost in his phobia. It was still the scariest night in his life.

Now Hajoon was sick. Worse, he was sick after cuddling with Woosung during the past nights. There was no doubt in his mind that he had caught the stomach flu, the stomach flu he surely had passed to Woosung already. Sleeping in the same bed was a surefire way to exchange germs.

His musings were interrupted by his stomach making itself known again. He repositioned himself over the toilet, already dreading the next minutes. For a second he thought about calling for Jaehyeong but he knew that would not cut it. Then, with a burp, sick spilled past his lips and Hajoon vomited a second time that night.

Between retches and trying to ignore the disgustingness in the toilet bowl he faintly he heard footsteps but he was too disoriented and feverish to understand where they were coming from. Finally, what seemed like ages later, his stomach relented and he was able to flush the sick away. Just to be safe Hajoon stayed panting over the toilet for a minute, before realizing he was not about to throw up again. So he just leaned back against the tub again, completely spend.

There were sobs sounding from Jaehyeong’s room and immediately Hajoon recognized them for what they were. Woosung had woken up and found out – there was no other logical explanation. He bit his lip harshly, not sure what to do. His whole being screamed at him to comfort his hyung but he knew his presence would make everything worse. That was the worst, he thought, not even being able to make it right. Besides, he wasn’t sure if it was safe to stray too far away from the porcelain.

Tears ran down his face as he listened to their maknae comfort the crying leader. At least Woosung had somebody to take care of him. Abruptly he missed his members even more than before. He was glad that Jaehyeong got Woosung but he was envious, too. He craved the comfort of somebody holding him while he was sick.

Still, it was his fault Woosung was feeling so bad. Why hadn’t he noticed something was wrong?

The nausea worsened again and he threw himself at his new best friend for the third time that night. Hajoon didn’t know how long he was throwing up for, snot and tears dirtying his face. Once done, he buried his face in his knees, curling up into himself. Maybe he was doomed to a lonely night in the bathroom.

However, he should not have underestimated The Rose. Behind him the door opened and somebody entered. Hajoon was sure he made quite the sight: pale, lips stained with bile and snot, cheeks wet with tears and probably burning with fever.

“Oh, baby”, Dojoon mumbled and sat down next to him. Hajoon wasted no time nor did he spare any thought to Dojoon’s clean shirt before he dove into his hyung’s arms, burying his face in his chest.

“Rough night?”, Dojoon asked and Hajoon nodded, content to rest in his hyung’s embrace. Dojoon rubbed his back, rocking them from side to side.

It simultaneously felt like a lifetime and only a second until Dojoon pulled away to look at him properly. A cool hand came to rest against Hajoon’s forehead and he sighed contently, for the first time noticing the headache that got better with the coolness.

“You’re running a fever and threw up. Any other symptoms?”, Dojoon asked gently, rubbing his arms.

“Headache and my stomach hurts”, Hajoon whispered and winced at how bad his voice sounded, raw from vomiting, “I don’t feel good, hyung.” He knew he sounded pathetic but he really didn’t have the energy to care anymore.

“Yeah, I bet. How about I take your temperature to see how easily we can cook an egg on your forehead, then you can take a pill, drink something and sleep? How does that sound?”

Anything to get back into bed and sleep. Hajoon nodded, trying not to whimper when Dojoon got up to grab the thermometer from the cupboard. As he placed it under his tongue Hajoon tried not to retch at the metallic taste, knowing he would have to endure the procedure again if he spit it out or, worse yet, threw up again. Meanwhile Dojoon had found the right medication and filled his toothbrush cup with water.

As the thermometer beeped Hajoon stared at the reading of 38.5°C in dismay. A moderate fever then. He hadn’t expected anything else but the reading made it more real. It most definitely made sense, if he had food poisoning the others would be sick as well. What a disaster that would be. But, no, this was a “simple” stomach flu.

“Ah, Hajoon-ah”, Dojoon whispered and sighed. “What are we going to do with you? Here you go, do you want to rinse out your mouth?”

Hajoon nodded and with shaking hands tried to take the cup from Dojoon’s hand. He didn’t get very far, the tremor causing the water to spill a bit. Dojoon reached over and steadying the cup in his hand, helping him take a sip. Weakly Hajoon leaned over and let the water fall from his mouth into the toilet.

Dojoon helped him sit back up again and stroked his hair out of his face. “Try to take a few sips and the pill, hm?”

Hajoon placed the pill on his tongue, gagging at the disgusting, chalky taste but managed to get it down with a small mouthful of water.

“I wanna sleep, hyung”, he mumbled, resting his head on Dojoon’s shoulder.

“I know, kiddo, but not here, okay? Work with me”, Dojoon replied softly, lifting Hajoon’s head from his shoulder, standing up. Hajoon whimpered at the loss of contact but quickly Dojoon had him upright, holding onto his waist as he guided him to bed. As he curled up under the cold blankets a jolt ran through Hajoon’s body, flashing hot and cold. While he knew there was a time where Woosung didn’t snore in his ear, suddenly the bed felt empty. Then he remembered the panic he had half-witnessed from his compromised position on the bathroom floor again.

“Woosung-hyung? How is he?”, he asked, grabbing at Dojoon’s hand that was smoothing out the blanket over him.

“A bit shaken but he will be fine”, Dojoon replied carefully, “Jaehyeong is taking good care of him, don’t worry.”

“Please tell him I am so sorry!”, Hajoon begged, eyes already falling shut. But he needed to tell Dojoon who would have to apologize in his place. “If I had known I was sick I would have stayed away, I am so sorry for triggering his phobia! Please, tell him!”

“Hajoon-ah.” Dojoon sighed and sat down next to him at the edge of the bed. “It’s not your fault that you are sick. Just like it’s not your fault that Woosung is emetophobic. You didn’t get sick on purpose, things happen. It’s the middle of flu season after all.”

“Still, I am so sorry”, Hajoon whispered.

“Just rest, baby”, Dojoon mumbled, and smoothed his hair back, “I’ll put a bucket next to your bed just in case. You’ll see, everything will look better in the morning.”

Notes: for the lovely @writercloud who requested this 💙 also check out her blog!

Masterlist links: Fairy's Full Masterlist Fairy's Masterlist - The Rose  

[fairyniceyeah]

🌹Day 15: "Get me out of here!" 

Rescue/Chainsaw/Presumed Dead

@juneofdoom

Part One: Day 10: "Can you hear me?"

Day 14: "What were you thinking?" 

Summary: After the phone call ends, Hajoon is not the only one spiraling. 

CW: fire, mentions of (but no actual) death, emeto, fainting

Whumpee: Whole band Caretaker: managers

“Jaehyeong? Help is on the way. The firefighters are there. Just hold on a bit. Jaehyeong? Jaehyeong? Say something? Jaehyeong? Can you hear me? Jaehyeong?”

Hajoon yelled until his voice was hoarse. Yet, he never received an answer. Would he ever receive an answer again?

His fingers went lax and the phone dropped to the ground, clattering beside his feet, screen cracking. His legs, while talking to Jahyeong, had carried him to his small balcony, the very balcony that had a view of Jaehyeong’s apartment building. They had, of course, looked for places close to each other but the extreme coincidence had been a surprise the first time Hajoon had ever shown the other three his apartment.

Now a huge, gray cloud of smoke hung in the air and even from the distance the smell clung to Hajoon’s nostrils. He didn’t want to imagine how much worse it was up close. The sound of sirens filled the street and Hajoon could even see a helicopter throwing water at the building. 

Hajoon needed to be there, let somebody know that Jaehyeong was alive, was still trapped in the building. When he was later asked why he hadn’t just called the fire department, Hajoon would always say he didn’t even remember the run to the streets or the call he had with the manager - how should he have been able to think clearly enough for that?

A group of onlookers was gathered around the barriers surrounding the area. Even from there the heat was claustrophobic. “Let me through”, Hajoon called desperately, as he pushed past people to the front, “my dongsaeng is in the building. Let me through.” People, with pity in their eyes and shaking their heads parted for him and he was even pushed in the direction of a police officer.

“Seonsaeng-nim”, Hajoon screamed, waving wildly at him. The older man looked at him in worry. 

“Are you alright?”, he asked. That’s when Hajoon realized he was crying.

“My dongsa… my dongsaeng is still in there. He couldn’t get out and hid in the bathroom”, Hajoon whispered, “apartment 1004. Please, they need to get him out of there!”

“We’ll see what we can do, don’t worry. Is there anybody you can call to keep you company?”, the policeman asked, before mumbling into his radio that there was a person reported in the building.

Hajoon froze. He didn’t know. He … Dojoon was still asleep. Woosung was in America. Jaehyeong… 

Hajoon whirled around as somebody called his name. For a second there was hope in his heart - who else would call him? - that was utterly crushed when he realized it was Dojoon who was pushing through the crowd to get to him. His eyes were wide and panicked and filled with so much fear. Yet, the first thing Dojoon did was wrap Hajoon in his arms, rocking them both from side to side. 

“Dojoon”, he gasped out against the older’s chest, “Jaehyeong, he…” Sobs took his breath away and he just curled his fists into Dojoon’s jacket tightly. Dojoon stayed silent, so unusual of him, and just cradled the young drummer to his chest. He, too, seemed so lost. 

A manager appeared beside them. “Let’s go”, he said, not unkindly, “we can’t stay here in the public. You need to be safe too and there is nothing you can do here for Jaehyeong.” 

Hajoon wanted to protest, he didn’t care for his own safety. He needed Jaehyeong to be safe. He needed to see himself. He didn’t want to abandon the younger. But Dojoon was already pulling him through the crowd. 

His memory of the walk back to his apartment was a blur. Dojoon was holding his hand and a manager was talking to both of them but Hajoon couldn’t hear a word that was spoken. The manager put in the keycode and they stumbled inside.

The balcony door was still open, bringing in a breeze of smoke. The manager pushed it close with force while Dojoon led the two of them to the small couch. Hajoon sunk down, his head in his hands. Dojoon wrapped an arm around his shoulder. The manager sat down on a chair. Silence was loud in the room.

“Do we call Sammy?”, Dojoon finally asked, his voice breaking.

At the question, Hajoon felt sick. How could they tell Woosung that their maknae - his best friend - might have died while he was on the other side of the world?

Bile rose in his throat and he stumbled up from the couch, barely making it to the kitchen sink across the room before he was sick. Hajoon braced his hands against the side of the sink and closed his eyes, images of Jaehyeong and Woosung flickering though his mind. He hadn’t eaten much in some time, so only sour fluids splattered onto the chopsticks and the coffee cup he had ignored when he had stumbled into bed early that morning. 

The manager came up to him, offering a tissue. Dojoon hadn’t moved, just looked up at them with tears running down his face.

“I know you are scared. I am too”, the manager said, rubbing Hajoon’s arm, “but please remember that he isn’t confirmed dead yet. The other managers called the hospitals in the area and asked them to let us know when he gets brought in. Hope is not yet lost.”

“Hyung”, Hajoon whispered, “it’s been at least an hour since I spoke with him.” Had it truly only been an hour? It felt so much longer - a lifetime of uncertainty? “Every second the possibilities are growing smaller.”

“We need to let Sammy know”, Dojoon interjected, “he needs to know. It’s unfair to leave him out of this.”

Hajoon nodded, defeated. He accepted the cup of water the manager handed him, ignoring the fact that the older man was starting to clean up … the sink. He walked over to Dojoon, his knees trembling.

Dojoon, as desperate for comfort as Hajoon was, let the drummer curl up into his side and wrapped an arm around his shoulder again. His phone was already in his hand, Woosung’s contact pulled up. It was late evening over there now.

“Hi Leo”, Woosung’s happy voice came through the speaker. It hurt Hajoon so much, knowing that within seconds that happiness would be destroyed - might forever be destroyed. “What’s up? Are you missing me this much?”

But now it seemed that Dojoon was not able to bring himself to say the words. They were both silent, just breathing and trying to not burst into tears before they could explain.

“Leo, I swear, if you fucking butt-dial…”, Woosung started. Hajoon couldn’t contain it any longer. As much as he wanted to end the call and give Woosung some deserved time with his family - he could hear soft chatter in the background - somebody needed to let Woosung know. Before he saw something on the news - a fire that huge might make it to the national and international news soon.

“Hyung”, he rasped, biting his tongue to keep from crying. 

“Hajoon-ah? Is everything alright?” Woosung sounded worried now and then he said something in English to what sounded to be his mother. Hajoon’s brain was too fried to even begin to understand what they were saying.

“Hyung, I … I got a call earlier from Jaehyeong. His building … it was … it is burning. He didn’t make it out - we don’t know if he is …”, Hajoon whispered, tears trailing down his face. 

There was silence on the other side of the phone. 

“Hajoon-ah, you better … you better not be fucking with me”, Woosung forced out, his voice strained.

“I’m sorry.”

Time seemed to stretch out like honey - sticky and stopping the hands of the clock from moving. Woosung had booked the next flight to Korea which was only a few hours after the call. He had paid for the inflight wifi so he could be kept up to date on the thirteen hour flight. He was texting the managers at every opportunity who informed them that Woosung was well taken care of by a nice ajumma who was sitting next to him. His disdain for planes and airsickness combined with nerves was overwhelming him, causing nausea and panic attacks. 

Dojoon and Hajoon stayed together on the couch in Hajoon’s apartment. Managers were dropping in and out, calling hospitals and fire departments and every time ending the call with a shake of their head. 

Dojoon was quiet, quieter than Hajoon had ever seen him. Tears kept dripping down his cheeks and he fiddled with their intertwined hands every few seconds.

Hajoon himself had not been able to stop shaking. His head hurt. Every breath was like dragging shards through his throat. His stomach was cramping - like it always did when he was stressed or nervous. The managers kept trying to make him drink some chamomile tea to calm down - none of the sips had stayed down.

Every hour that ticked by made them lose more hope. The hospitals didn’t call and the building was still burning. Surely, if Jaehyeong wasn’t saved now, he was …

They did try to keep their faith up but it was so hard. The sun went down, the city went dark and still a fire was burning. It was a surprise, really, that they hadn’t had to evacuate close as they were. 

Managers forbid them from watching the news, hearing the list of casualties. They were sorrowful too. They had loved the happy, clumsy, endearing maknae dearly. None of them had yet had the courage to call his parents. 

Woosung arrived early in the morning, looking haggard and pale, collapsing the moment he entered the stuffy apartment. They all huddled together in the entrance area, clutching each other and soaking up the minimal comfort they received from the contact like a sponge.

It was nearly twenty-four hours after that initial phone call that they gave up hope. The fire was finally under control and extinguished. No hospital had called, neither had any of them registered Jaehyeong when the managers called. It was like he had vanished - turned to ash. 

It hadn’t sunk in yet, that they now were three. It felt wrong, oh, so wrong.

“We should inform his family”, the manager-noona who was with them said quietly. Dojoon reluctantly nodded. Woosung whimpered. Hajoon was mostly numb, except for the pains he had been feeling for hours. His vision was swimming as dehydration was slowly consuming him. 

Neither of the three moved.

A loud sound went off. They all jumped. It was much louder than any of the hushed conversations that had been spoken in the quiet apartment. Hajoon’s head ached as he scrambled for his phone, nearly dropping it again. There was an incoming call from an unknown number.

He didn’t know what else to do. He just answered it.

“Yeoboseyo?”, he whispered, voice practically gone.

He dropped his phone - again - the screen completely breaking. But through the speakers they could hear the voice as clear as day.

“I lived, bitch. I always wanted to say that. Now, get me out of here. I hate hospitals.”

They were all too stunned to speak. None of them had expected to hear the familiar voice again. They just stared at each other as if asking: Did you hear that too? Am I not imagining things?

“You said what you wanted to say, now put that oxygen mask back on, young man”, a female voice faintly scolded and then became louder as she asked: “Is this Lee Hajoon-ssi?”

“Yeah”, Hajoon rasped out. Relief flooded his veins, making him dizzy.

“Sorry for not calling earlier. We had some issues with patient data and had to wait till he woke up. Don’t worry about Jaehyeong-ssi. Staying in the bathroom under cold water saved him - he just suffered from minor burns. The biggest issue is the smoke inhalation but we are monitoring him closely.”

As they stormed into the ICU just half an hour later, Jaehyeong stared at them with so much surprise that it seemed like he had presumed them dead rather than the other way round.

“Woosung?”, he called through the oxygen mask covering his face. His body was wrapped in cooling blankets and some bandages. He seemed mostly fine, just surprised. “What are you doing here? Last I know you were in LA and I had to work at one in the morning for you?”

Woosung let out a disbelieving laugh. “You asshole, we thought you were dead for about a day. I took the first plane I could.”

“Oh, well, surprise?”, Jaehyeong muttered, ignoring the nurse who fussed with his oxygen mask again.

“Yeah”, Hajoon mumbled. His vision swam and he shook his head to clear it. Instead he stumbled into Dojoon who was still a bit frozen in the middle of the room, holding Hajoon’s hand. Then everything went black - a mix of stress, dehydration, malnutrition and sleeplessness surely.

Hajoon ignored the manager’s scolding about taking care of himself when he woke up. There was nothing but sweet relief in his body. They hadn’t lost one of their own today.

Day 16: "At least it can't get any worse"

Masterlist link: Fairy's Full Masterlist Fairy's June of Doom 2024

[fairyniceyeah]

🌹🩵 I'm under cold rain again

Title from Take me down (The Rose)

Summary: After a week of vacation with his parents Hajoon is ready to see his members again. But instead he is sick, a few hours away, alone and the security guards are more than rude to him. All he wants to be is home.

CW: emeto, kind of public emeto, idol mistreatment

Sickie: Hajoon/Dylan Caretaker: /

Never had Hajoon thought that a week of vacation could end so horribly.

They had all taken a week off to spend time with their families. Jaehyeong hadn’t seen his parents who lived in Samcheok for some time now and, considering their work, the drive down to Busan was way too long for Dojoon to just casually go see his. A flight to America for just a week wouldn’t have made sense, so Woosung had decided to visit his grandparents. And Hajoon had gone home to his family in Gwangju.

It really had been an amazing time he had spent with his parents - despite their fights in his teenage years Hajoon did love his parents a lot. They had grown closer the further apart they were and now as an adult Hajoon appreciated them a lot. So it had been great to spend a whole week just with his parents and they even had taken time off to be together the whole time. 

While he missed his members Hajoon was a bit sad to let his parents go again but he knew that much longer than a week would end up with petty disagreements again.

🌹

Yet the day had come that they traveled back to Seoul, so he and his travel protectors were waiting at the station with a few other people for the bus that was running late. He had said his goodbyes to his parents already at home so they hadn’t had to take the whole day off when he left in the middle of the morning. The two security guards were immersed in a conversation and Hajoon, for the first time that day, had the time to breathe.

There was a headache pulsating in his head since yesterday evening, the reason why he had overslept and therefore had already started the day with stress. His mother actually had to wake him which had nearly ended in a fight because he had accidentally snapped at her before swiftly apologizing. There was a dull sense of nausea in his stomach, had been since he had woken up. What was more concerning to him, however, was the lump in his throat that stopped him from swallowing down the accumulating saliva in his mouth and which seemed to move up every time he tried. 

He could have ignored all of that if he wasn’t full on sweating even though he was freezing and he could tell that his hands were trembling. He had looked pale that morning when he had glanced in the mirror for like two seconds.

Great, not even on the bus yet and he was already miserable. He had taken the motion sickness pill he would need to get through the drive but it seemed to not help against the nausea he was experiencing now. 

Why did he have to feel so off now? Surrounded by strangers and security guards he wasn’t even sure knew his name waiting on a delayed bus of all things. 

For a moment he considered calling one of his members, desperately needing to hear a familiar voice but what could they do? They were about four hours away from him. His parents had done enough for him in the past week, so he didn’t want to bother them. Besides, he had to get back to Seoul no matter what.

Hajoon swallowed again. This time the funny feeling in his throat went up to new heights and for a second he was convinced he was about to puke right then and there. Taking a deep breath he was able to calm down the sensation for a bit but not himself.

He needed space and privacy, now.

“I need to use the bathroom”, he muttered to the security guards who were dressed like normal citizens to not draw any attention to them. One of them rolled his eyes. 

“The bus will be here soon”, he said, annoyance in his voice. Hajoon wasn’t sure what their names were either, they had never introduced themselves when they were hired for just this trip. 

Hajoon also wasn’t sure why hiring two security guards was less expensive than a rental car since his own had broken down a week before but it had been a decision he couldn’t influence. So they had relaxed at a hotel for a week while he was with his family. What a cozy job.

At first Hajoon had been too afraid to ask the guards' names when they hadn’t introduced themselves and then it would have been awkward to ask their names three days down the line. So he had been calling them One and Two in his head. It was weird to say the least but what could he do? Hajoon’s mindset was switching between hating how socially awkward he was and questioning why he had thought that a job where he constantly had to meet new people was the right thing for him knowing fully well just how socially awkward he was. 

“Please”, Hajoon said, coming close to begging them, “I’ll go on my own, surely you can ask the driver to wait for a second. I really need to go.”

“Fine. I’ll go with you, we ain’t losing our job because you wandered off on the last day”, One said, equally irked. 

Hajoon shrunk under his gaze but he was too intimidated to argue. Besides, he was feeling really sick and getting away from the other people was his priority. 

If he truly had to throw up Hajoon wanted to make it to the bathroom to be sick in peace, without an audience. He was terrified that he was actually sick - a three hours drive away from home and in the company of the most uncaring people he ever had had the misfortune of working with. There was nothing he could do, however, stomach throwing a fit and his body hating him. 

So he nodded and swiftly turned around to walk to the restrooms hidden around a corner behind the ticket shop as fast as possible. He didn't have time to check if anybody was following him or not.

Rushing had not been the right decision, upsetting his stomach even more. He barely made it around the corner before - without any warning - his body forced him to stop and double over. He didn't have a chance to stop it and a mouthful of vomit splattered onto the ground below him. Dumbfounded, he stared down at it, not quite comprehending what had just happened. 

Then it hit him - he had just thrown up at a bus station, alone with two unsympathetic security guards, hours away from Seoul.

Fuck.

“You gotta be kidding me”, One cursed.

“I’m sorry”, Hajoon whispered, frozen on the spot with one hand pressed to his mouth. 

Had that really just happened? At least nobody was there to see except One. 

“You need to puke again?”, he asked roughly. 

Hajoon shook his head. His stomach still felt weird and unsettled but the feeling in his throat had gone away. Small mercies. 

“Good, ‘cause we ain’t nurse-maids."

Embarrassed by the small, yellowish puddle on the ground but too overwhelmed to do anything about it, Hajoon followed the security guard back to the station. One quickly conversed with Two, who threw him an angry glance and huffed.

Hajoon couldn't help but shrink into himself, shivering in the cold air. He just wanted to be home.

As if hearing his prayers, the bus appeared in the distance and One ushered him into a seat while Two went to store their bags. 

Luckily the bus was rather empty except for an older lady and a young family. 

Hajoon sank down on the window seat, completely exhausted and close to tears. This was not about to be a fun drive. One seemed to agree with him on that account and shoved a plastic bag at him before taking his own seat in the row in front of Hajoon. He was quickly joined by Two and the bus took off.

More than a bit mortified, Hajoon pushed the bag into the side pocket of his backpack and tried to make himself more comfortable. Shivering in the cold bus, Hajoon pulled his jacket tighter around himself and leaned against the window. His forehead, unlike the rest of his body, seemed to be burning. The cold glass helped until the bus started to shake too much and his head painfully collided with the window. Tears were burning in his eyes but he refused to let them fall. He would not humiliate himself any further.

🌹

The drummer's phone vibrated in his pocket and he pulled it out to check. There was a message from Dojoon and desperate for a bit of comfort he quickly opened it.

Dojoon (10:48): Morning! Are you on your way back yet? Hajoon (10:49): Yes

For a moment he contemplated if he really should say something about his condition, making his best friends worry when they couldn’t do anything to help. But he was feeling so alone, so sick and he just wanted to be comforted. Even if it was just via Kakao.

Hajoon (10:51): Hyung, I don’t feel good

There was no message from Dojoon for a few minutes and Hajoon just tried to stay calm and not burst into tears.

Dojoon (11:02): Sorry, I just came back home myself and was unpacking. What’s wrong? Hajoon (11:02): I threw up  Dojoon (11:03): Oh, baby. I’m so sorry you’re feeling bad. Anything I can do? Hajoon (11:04): Can I call you? Dojoon (11:04): Certainly!

Hajoon was glad the older member agreed, just staring at his phone screen was making him feel quite queasy. Quickly he pulled up his hyung’s contact and pressed the call button. It didn’t even take two beeps until the call went through.

“Hi, Joon-ah”, Dojoon greeted on the other end. Hajoon had to press his fingernails into his palms so he wouldn’t burst into tears after just hearing his voice. He would give anything to hug his hyung right now. Or Woosung. Or Jaehyeong.

“Hey.” His voice didn't come out as confident as he would have liked and Dojoon certainly picked up on that. Besides, his hyung wasn’t stupid, he knew Hajoon wasn’t the type to cry wolf so something actually was wrong.

“What’s happened?”, Dojoon asked, concerned. His voice was so soft and comforting. Hajoon wanted to be at home, right now.

“Hyung”, Hajoon whispered, “The bus was late, we were waiting for so long, I am freezing cold and a bit damp from the rain. I didn’t even make it to the bathrooms at the station. I don't know what's wrong with me.”

"That sounds miserable, baby. I’m so sorry. And you got sick before you even entered the bus?", Dojoon clarified, sounding so very worried.

"Hm." Hajoon hummed in agreement. He didn't particularly want to re-live that moment in his mind again. He still couldn’t quite wrap his mind around it.

“So, it’s not just motion sickness?”, Dojoon asked and Hajoon shook his head before remembering that Dojoon couldn’t see him. Dojoon couldn’t see him, because Dojoon was about 300 kilometers away from him.

That’s when the tears fell and he quietly sobbed into the receiver.

“I think I’m running a fever too. I really don’t feel good”, he whispered. He didn’t want to be glared at by the security guards, who already seemed to have forgotten his existence. Neither did he want to get noticed by any of the other travelers.

“Oh, Joon-ah. I wish I could do anything to help you”, Dojoon sighed. Hajoon knew he was telling the truth. As much as Dojoon could be a loud and wild bother, he really cared about his members. 

“Talking with you helps”, Hajoon mumbled, wiping at his eyes. 

“I’m glad. Do you have any medication? Are the guards taking good care of you?"

“I took the motion sickness pill but I don’t think it helps. I do have my migraine medication but I don't think it's a migraine and I don't want to end up completely knocked out in public.” He skirted around the other question but Dojoon couldn’t be fooled.

“Yeah, I don't think that would be a good idea", his hyung agreed, "And the security? Do they have anything to help?”

“No.” Well, Hajoon wasn't going to ask. The less contact where they could belittle him and make him feel shit about himself the better.

“Are they at least nice?”

Hajoon glanced between the seats and saw that both of them had earphones in and were on their phones. They didn't seem to care that he was their responsibility. Still, he didn’t want to seem ungrateful. They weren’t paid to be nice or take care of a sick adult, they were there to protect him and they did. 

There was just nothing they could protect him from.

“Not really”, Hajoon settled on saying. He didn’t want to lie to Dojoon and he felt like he deserved to complain a bit. 

“Oh, baby. I'm sorry you're having such a miserable time”, Dojoon cooed. His tone would be patronizing in any other situation, it should have been in this too. But it wasn’t.

“Hyung, I just wanna be home”, Hajoon whispered.

“I know, I want you here too. Woosung should be back from his grandparents, too, any … oh speaking off. Hey, Sammy, glad you’re back. Hm, it’s Hajoon, he’s not feeling good. Hold on, I’ll put us on speaker”, Dojoon said and then the familiar voice of his oldest hyung came through: “Hi, baby, what’s wrong? I miss you.”

“Miss you too, hyung”, Hajoon replied, “I think I got a stomach bug or something. I threw up a bit.”

“Oh, that’s miserable”, Woosung said, sounding genuinely sorry, “how long until you’re back?”

“Three hours, give or take.”

“That’s not so long, you’ll be with us soon. Actually, around that time I agreed to pick up Jeff from the train station. Leo, can you?”, Woosung asked, voice full of regret.

“Of course I’ll pick my favorite drummer up”, Dojoon agreed readily, making Hajoon giggle a bit.

“I’m really sorry, Hajoon-ah”, Woosung cut in then, “but I’ve been driving non-stop and I really need to use the bathroom. Call me if you want to though. Bye.” Hasty footsteps were heard and Dojoon started to laugh.

“You would have had the time of your life seeing him potty-dancing like that”, Dojoon commented and Hajoon had to smile a bit at the mental image. Then Dojoon’s voice got louder: “Yes, you did! Just go, dumbass.”

Hajoon burst into wet giggles at that.

“Now, that’s better”, Dojoon commented and for a moment they were silent.

“Tell me about your time with your parents? How was Busan?”, Hajoon asked, “Distract me.”

Immediately Dojoon launched into storytelling about everything that had happened the past week. The good Italian restaurant they had been at. Meeting old school friends. The seagull that had stolen his fries. While it all was very entertaining Hajoon kept yawning. He was so tired. Even if his motion sickness didn’t translate into more than the nausea he was feeling anyway, it still made him tired.

As he yawned again, Dojoon stopped in the middle of a story about … ice cream? Hajoon wasn’t sure.

“Why don’t you try to close your eyes and sleep? Maybe when you wake up you’re already here”, Dojoon suggested, “I promise, I will meet you at the bus station and take you home, okay?”

Sleeping through the whole drive sounded like a dream - pun intended. Hajoon was so tired anyway and if he didn't have to be conscious until Dojoon was there to give him one of his bear hugs, Hajoon was fine with it.

“I will try, hyung”, Hajoon replied, “promise you will be there?” Hajoon really didn’t care that he sounded like a child right now.

“Promise”, Dojoon said, “close your eyes. It’s only two and a half hours and I will be there. Call any of us if you need anything or just want to talk. Love you, baby.”

“Thanks, hyung. Love you, too. Bye”, Hajoon replied to the seldomly used but always felt words.

“Bye. Sleep well.”

Hajoon opened his bag to search for his headphones, ignoring the crinkling of the plastic bag he really hoped he wouldn’t have to use. When he found the headphones he quickly connected them to his phone, putting on his comfort playlist. It consisted to the biggest part of their own songs and some songs by other groups – mainly those the groups had written for their fans or members like #LoveStay, Star 1117 and Circles. They all included messages of hope and love and comfort. Something Hajoon really needed right now. Just hearing his leader's voice in his ears comforted him despite making him miss Woosung even more.

Despite freezing to the core the drummer managed to curl himself into a small ball, legs pulled up onto the seat next to him. He didn’t really care that it was forbidden, he just really needed the added warmth and comfort. He rested his head against the backrest and closed his eyes.

🌹

He hadn’t expected to be able to actually fall asleep. Normally he never was somebody who was able to fall asleep while driving - a mix of motion sickness and general discomfort. He would try and shift around until he gave up.

So when he woke up he was very disoriented - not sure where, how or why he was. Then the nausea hit. 

Hajoon gagged against his hand, suddenly wide awake in his panic. He didn’t want to be sick. Especially not on a bus without anybody to rub his back or help him when needed. But he wasn’t given a choice and since he didn’t want to throw up all over himself he frantically opened his backpack to rip out the plastic bag.

As soon as he had managed to open it he shoved his head inside, burping loudly. If he wasn’t feeling so wretched he would be embarrassed. Right now, all he wanted was to stop feeling so sick. 

Tasting the sourness of bile on his tongue, he gagged violently again, eyes watering. This couldn’t be happening. He burped a second time, the noise echoing back at him.

Yet nothing would come up. He could only stare at the empty bottom of the half-see through bag and pray for death. 

Despite everything Hajoon nearly wished he would throw up then. He had been feeling so ill for so long and getting out the mouthful of vomit at the bus station had not helped at all. At least if he got it out now, he might feel better physically. But that wasn’t happening, apparently.

Still, his body seemed to fight itself. While his mouth and throat kept making him miserable, his stomach seemed to want to hold onto its contents. 

This was torture.

🌹

A few minutes of silent tears and nearly unbearable nausea later, some higher deity seemed to have mercy on him. The bus started to slow down and as Hajoon dared to look up he saw that they were pulling into a gas station.

"We're taking a fifteen minute break, be back by 12:08", the driver announced. Hajoon wasted no time. As soon as the doors were open he stumbled past the stunned guards and down the stairs to the outside. 

He pressed his back flat against the side of the bus, just trying to breathe in the fresh air. It did help. Not by a lot but the shock of cold had him more awake.

Light rain was spraying down but he was mostly protected by standing on the right side of the bus, shielded from the wind. The weather also meant that nobody really paid attention to him, not many people were out and, those that were, were more focused on themselves.

He closed his eyes and breathed deeply only to get interrupted by one of the security guards. Hajoon winced, squinting. It seemed to be Two.

"Do you need to use the bathroom?", he asked gruffly, “I’m going over there now. Your chance.”

Hajoon shook his head. Being out of the stuffy bus really helped the nausea a lot and he didn’t actually need to use the toilet.

"Right, just don’t complain. You can stay out here in the rain until we leave if you want", Two announced and left.

🌹

Weak-feeling and with trembling limbs, Hajoon squatted down as he didn't quite feel like he could keep standing. But he would have to go back into the bus too soon anyways for him to willingly move back inside to sit down now. The plastic bag crinkled in his hand and he grimaced at the sound. Hastily he placed it in the pocket of his jeans, not wanting anybody to see it.

His queasy stomach had started to ache over time and he was now sure that he was definitely running a fever. He doubled over a bit, only able to keep his balance with leaning against the bus, and placed a hand on his stomach. It barely helped.

Hajoon wanted to call Dojoon again, or any of his members, but as he patted the pockets of his jeans he came up empty handed. In his rush outside he must have forgotten to grab his phone.

Frustrated tears rolled down his face. Why couldn't he just be home with his members? He didn’t want to be alone. He knew it was ridiculous missing his members after just a week but he was so desperate for comfort. 

"Hey there", a soft voice said and, very confused, Hajoon dared to look up. A young woman was kneeling in front of him, the mother of the family in the bus. She gave him a gentle smile. 

"I noticed you're not feeling so good, are you?", she asked sympathetically. Confused and slightly overwhelmed, Hajoon shook his head. 

Having somebody notice he was not doing good was overwhelming. For one part he was scared that she recognized him and it would end up on the internet but for the other part, the bigger part, he couldn't help but tear up again at the kindness she showed him. 

"Your friends are kind of being assholes about it, huh?", she said, a hint of fury in her voice. She must mean the security guards. Hajoon shrugged, not caring to check if the two even noticed that he was approached by a stranger. Not that he thought that she would harm him but just on principle. 

"I guess so", Hajoon mumbled.

"I’m sorry. Anyways, my name is Haeun”, she introduced herself. 

After a moment Hajoon realized he probably should introduce himself too. But he was too tired to think of a different name or even think about if it was inappropriate to give a wrong one. So he just mumbled: “Hajoon.”

“Hajoon-ssi, it’s nice to meet you. What I actually came for, though: I have some antiemetics in my bag, if you would like to try?", the woman suggested, “traveling with kids is fun.”

At Hajoon’s reluctant glance, she added: “Don’t worry, the meds are also for adults.”

“Yeah, okay, thank you”, Hajoon whispered, “I … just I don’t know if I can keep them down.”

“Let me give you one just in case. You don’t need to take it if you don’t want to but it might help you feel better”, Haeun replied with a sad smile and reached into her bag to pull out a bottle of pills. When she looked up, her face went hard.

For a milli-second Hajoon was confused, then a tight grip on his arm unceremoniously yanked him upright. Everything swirled and he tilted to the side, vision graying out before it turned sharp again. He placed his free hand to his mouth, gagging violently as the motion upset his stomach. Luckily, nothing came up. Still, he was plagued by misery for a good minute until he got his tongue under control again. 

By then he found himself standing in the bus. One still had a strong, nearly painful grasp on his arm and Two was red in the face. Unceremoniously Hajoon was shoved into his seat and he was just barely able to stop himself from colliding with the window. 

“Are you fucking stupid?”, Two whisper-yelled and came close enough to Hajoon’s face that he could feel his breath. The drummer whimpered a bit, scared. He was sure that if they weren’t trying to keep everything on the down-low the other man would have yelled loudly. “Taking pills from a stranger? Do you actually want us to lose our jobs?”

Of course they only cared about their jobs. Not about his well-being if it hadn’t turned out to be actual nausea medication. 

Hajoon felt tears run down his face and the guards huffed. “I just wanted something against the nausea. I don’t feel good”, he sobbed helplessly. He was scared, lonely, nauseous and feverish. Didn’t they have any sympathy to spare?

“Suck it up. You’re an idol, isn’t that what you are supposed to do?”, Two added, still angry, “just sit here and don’t you dare fuck this up. Try not to puke, jeez.”

Hajoon sobbed into his hands, uncaring if anybody saw. He curled up into the corner of the seat and just prayed the drive was over soon.

🌹

Hajoon didn’t think he had ever been so relieved to be somewhere as the bus pulled into the bus station at Seoul. 

He had managed to sleep again a bit for the last leg of the drive but the nausea had been at an all time high. He didn’t understand - normally he got motion sick so easily but when he was actually sick it didn’t happen? Not that he particularly wanted to be sick in public but maybe it would have helped him feel just a tiny bit better. 

Most of the time he had just closed his eyes and tried to focus on the music - he had had to skip Nauseous though, the song a constant reminder and a teasing sound in his ear. Hajoon wasn’t sure if he would ever be able to listen to it normally again.

The bus had long grown stuffy with bad air and tension. But it was only a few minutes until he was about to see Dojoon again and he was growing impatient with longing. 

Somehow having driven through Seoul made the waiting even worse as he was so close and yet so far away. The heavy, gray clouds and the rain outside were matching his mood and made him just want to lie in a warm bed. Soon.

Finally, the bus came to a stop and as soon as the doors opened Hajoon stumbled outside, uncaring that he nearly fell down the last step or that he was basically drenched in rain the second he was under the open sky. 

He had made it all the way back. With his body shaking from exhaustion, fear and sickness, but he was back to be reunited with his friends.

And finally, fresh air. He took a deep breath and glanced left and right to see if he could spot Dojoon. Indeed, there was a lone figure with an umbrella in the distance. There was no doubt in Hajoon’s mind that it was his Dojoon-hyung.  

Nobody else was there, the other people must have decided to wait inside one of the nearby cafés during the downpour. At least something went right.

Hajoon walked towards Dojoon as quickly as his churning stomach allowed, pressing one hand against the upset organ as rain and tears ran down his face. Dojoon broke out in a run as soon as he spotted him and Hajoon supposed he was about to be scolded for getting himself drenched. 

Seeing his hyung triggered something within him, maybe it was just his body feeling safe or something else. Whatever it was - just as Dojoon was about to hug him, Hajoon couldn’t help but lurch forward, placing his hands on his knees. A large wave of stomach contents spewed from his mouth onto the ground and partially on Dojoon’s shoes. 

To his credit, his hyung just stepped backwards and suddenly the only water on Hajoon’s face was his own tears.

A hand came to rest on his back and held him steady as he kept retching and gagging for what felt like a small eternity. Still, after feeling sick all day with barely any relief it was nearly a good feeling to finally bring something up. Even if it seemed like it was his whole internal system.

Ultimately his stomach seemed to be empty and Hajoon was able to wipe his mouth with the back of his hand. Dojoon’s hand never left him as Hajoon straightened back up – well, as far as his aching stomach muscles allowed. Then he turned around to face his hyung.

Dojoon was completely soaked by the rain, the water running down his face and dripping down his nose and chin. Still, he kept holding the umbrella over Hajoon’s head to keep him from getting soaked even more. We’ll be in the rain indeed.

“Hyung”, Hajoon whispered and strong arms wrapped around him, a hand guiding his head to rest on Dojoon’s shoulder. One last time his tears spilled over and he cried for himself and the misery he had gone through. And he cried out of relief because he knew he wasn’t alone anymore.

Hajoon didn’t even care just how damp everything was, that he never managed to thank the woman and that he probably would have to face the guards one last time – he finally had his hyung. 

“I’ve got you, baby”, Dojoon whispered, stroking his back, “I’m here. Let’s get you home."

Notes: Happy Birthday, Hajoon!

Masterlist links: Fairy's Full Masterlist Fairy's Masterlist - The Rose  

[fairyniceyeah]

🌹🩷🩵Day 10: "Can you hear me?"

Fear/Smoke/Phone Call

@juneofdoom

Day 9: "I made a mistake."

Summary: Jaehyeong wakes to the fire alarm of his apartment building.

CW: fire, open ending

Whumpee: Jaehyeong/Jeff + Hajoon/Dylan Caretaker: /

Jaehyeong woke to the sound of the fire alarm. He groaned, pulling his pillow over his head.

His downstairs neighbor had managed to accidentally trigger it the past few days for lunch every single day. 

Problem: Jaehyeong, Hajoon and Dojoon had been working during the night for the past days. With Woosung in America to spend time with his family they had agreed to work late so that Woosung could work in the mornings and then spent the rest of his day with his eomma, brother and step-dad. Which meant that while it was nine in the morning in America, it was one in the morning in Seoul. What sacrifices they made for their best friend.

So, sadly, Jaehyeong’s daytime sleep was always interrupted by the dang alarm.

Speaking off, his neighbor should have been able to turn it off again. Normally he did it in less than a minute.

But it didn’t turn off.

Annoyed with the ringing and his missed sleep, Jaehyeong swung his legs over the side of his bed. He was a nice, peaceful person. But he also wanted sleep. And if that meant yelling at his clumsy neighbor so be it.

Very much not awake he nearly stumbled into the door to his apartment before managing to open it. Immediately he started to cough as a cloud of smoke hit him in the face. For a moment he was stunned at how much his neighbor must have fucked up this time until he realized that there were flames dancing at the bottom of the stairs. This was not a mistake.

The fire alarm was not a mistake. The apartment building was actually burning. He needed to evacuate - five minutes ago.

He slammed the door to his apartment shut, quickly understanding that down was not the way out. And the building had no roof he could flee to. He grabbed his jacket stand and let it crash to the floor, pushing the clothes into the space where the door and floor connected. Maybe it would stop some smoke at least.

Then the panic set it.

He was trapped in the apartment. His way out was burning. He didn’t even have a balcony he could flee to. 

There was no way out.

He scrambled back to his bedroom, fumbling with his phone charging on his bedside table and nearly dropping it in his haste.

He needed to call somebody, needed to let somebody know. 

“Hajoon-ah”, he panted into the phone as soon as the connection had built up. 

“The fuck, Jaehyeong? Did you not have the night I had?”, the drummer groaned, clearly not really awake. Jaehyeong couldn’t blame him. But he didn’t have time for banter.

“Hajoon, my apartment building is on fire. I can’t get out”, he said quickly, nearly stumbling over his words. He was starting to feel warm but he didn’t know if it was fear or the building heating up. If he was honest, he guessed it was both. 

“What?”, Hajoon gasped, now very much awake. “Jaehyeong, you better not be fucking with me.”

“I wish I was.” Oh, how Jaehyeong wished this was a cruel prank. A harmless (except for the fact that  joke like the time Dojoon had pretended to faint on stage only to come out singing happy birthday to him, carrying a cake. Yet, the heat he was feeling - it was definitely coming from the flames outside now. Or were they in the apartment already? 

Fear gripped his chest and he stumbled back into the hallway to check. A wall of heat stopped him in his tracks. Flames were licking at the door, leaving black behind. 

“Hajoon”, he whimpered.

“Fuck, Jaehyeong, is there any way you can get out?”, Hajoon asked frantically over the phone. He knew as well as Jaehyeong that this was not the case - having been at his tiny studio apartment multiple times.

“No. The door is burning. So is the hallway. I’m so scared”, Jaehyeong admitted - well, the sentiment was very appropriate for the situation. Sweat was running down his body, he was feeling so hot. Smoke was coming in from the front door, already having filled half of the hallway with a black cloud.

“You’re gonna be okay, Jaehyeong. You have to be”, Hajoon answered, his voice wet. He must be crying, Jaehyeong thought. His chingu was an emotional person and he probably was as scared as Jaehyeong. 

Jaehyeong stumbled backwards as something crashed. Maybe his bookshelf? He had to bite his lip to keep himself from crying out in pain as sparks flew into his direction.

“Jaehyeong? Jaehyeong? What was that?”, Hajoon asked through the phone, openly sobbing now.

Jaehyeong coughed and coughed against the smoke burning in his lungs. He pulled his shirt over his mouth, still staring in shock at his apartment going down in flames. He knew he needed to move, get somewhere safe. But there was no safe.

“The hallway cabinet”, he said in shock, coughing again.

“You need to get away from there”, Hajoon called desperately. “Move away, Jaehyeong.”

And what? Prolong the inevitable?

He lived on the tenth floor, he would never survive a fall from that height if he jumped. The only room that wasn’t completely in danger of going up in flames was his bathroom.

“I’m going to hide in the bathroom”, he said, rushing in there and slamming the door shut. “It’s gotta be safer, right?”

“I think so”, Hajoon said with a trembling voice. “Jae-” He broke off.

They both didn’t know what to say - if this was the last minutes they ever had together.

Despite the closed door, despite the cool tiles, despite praying for help Jaehyeong was running out of time. Already it was getting so hard to breathe. Like the smoke was actually invading his lungs before the flames could ever reach him. 

He coughed again and again. 

Hajoon was talking to him, Jaehyeong thought. He couldn’t be sure. His head and lungs ached with lack of oxygen and he was so hot despite turning on the cold shower water.

His fingers went slack as consciousness left him and the phone dropped to the floor.

The last thing he heard was the terror in Hajoon’s voice getting worse with every syllable as his voice called: “Jaehyeong? Help is on the way. The firefighters are there. Just hold on a bit. Jaehyeong? Jaehyeong? Say something? Jaehyeong? Can you hear me? Jaehyeong?”

Part Two: Day 15: "Get me out of here!"

Day 11: "We're out of time."

Masterlist link: Fairy's Full Masterlist Fairy's June of Doom 2024

[fairyniceyeah]

🌹 The Rose Masterlist🌹

Fairy's Full Masterlist

Whole group:

The Rose Headcanons - Motionsick The Rose Headcanons - Sick but not sick enough to stay home

🤍 Woosung/Sammy:

'Cause everybody fears the one Hajoon has got the stomach flu – bad thing is: Woosung is terribly emetophobic. Jaehyeong comforts his hyung. Companion piece to Don’t you worry cause I’m with you now. [CW: emeto, panic attacks, emetophobia]

Deep inside my complex mind Backstory to ‘Cause everybody fears the one and Don’t you worry cause I’m with you now. Woosung is sick with the stomach flu for the first time with the members and the panic gets too much. [CW: mentions of depression and suicidal thoughts, emeto, fainting, panic attacks, emetophobia, paramedics, ambulances, hospitals]

I got you, you got me, nothin' in the way I I got you, you got me, nothin' in the way II Woosung falls during the preparation for their tour and injures his foot badly. Waiting at the hospital takes much longer than he can endure. [CW: injury, fainting, hospitals, nausea, emeto, IVs]

Don't forget when you were a child Woosung returns home to his eomma to relax during his time off. His stomach has other ideas. [CW: emeto]

❤️ Dojoon/Leo:

Oh, love is something good for us to share ATEEZ’ Yunho is suffering from heat exhaustion at Coachella but he soon finds help from unusual caretakers – The Rose hyungs. But Dojoon and Jaehyeong themselves are not doing good either. (ATEEZ - Crossover) [CW: emeto, talk of fainting]

🩵 Hajoon/Dylan:

Don’t you worry cause I’m with you now Hajoon starts feeling sick at night and is unable to leave the bathroom. Loneliness and guilt plague him as Jaehyeong is focused on the panicked Woosung whose emetophobia Hajoon triggered. Companion piece to ‘Cause everybody fears the one. [CW: emeto, guilt]

It’s better to be held than holding on Hajoon nearly throws up during the Q&A before a concert, is unable to keep anything down and still - despite his members worries - he insists on performing for Black Roses. [CW: emeto, kind of public emeto]

I'm under cold rain again After a week of vacation with his parents Hajoon is ready to see his members again. But instead he is sick, a few hours away, alone and the security guards are more than rude to him. All he wants to be is home. [CW: emeto, kind of public emeto, idol mistreatment]

💙 Hajoon Insecure Series:

Angel During a concert Hajoon suddenly starts feeling lonely and separated from his members. [CW: low self-esteem] Nauseous Hajoon overhears a conversation between his members that wasn’t for his ears. [CW: low self-esteem] Eclipse Why is Woosung so kind to him when hours ago he wanted to get rid of him? [CW: low self-esteem, faking sick, "migraine", mentions of "nausea"] Take Me Down Hajoon accidentally burns his hands, making himself useless as a drummer. [CW: low self-esteem, burns, intentional worsening of pain] Sorry Getting drunk is the only way Hajoon feels like he can deal with everything. [CW: low self-esteem, drunkness, alcohol consumption, emeto] Alive Was there truly a use for the Blue Rose? [CW: low self-esteem, loneliness] Sour It’s time to say what he needs to say. [CW: low self-esteem] Time Is it the last time I hold your hand? [CW: low self-esteem]

Eclipse - Gold Star The director's cut of Eclipse.

🩷 Jaehyeong/Jeff

Oh, love is something good for us to share ATEEZ’ Yunho is suffering from heat exhaustion at Coachella but he soon finds help from unusual caretakers – The Rose hyungs. But Dojoon and Jaehyeong themselves are not doing good either. (ATEEZ - Crossover) [CW: emeto, talk of fainting]

Here is the link to the Request list for Fairy for an idea of upcoming fics!