#Cant talk about my concerns anywhere else but here

[combat-sixty-three]

I like to use this place to get away from political stuff but right now as a queer US citizen I am so fucking scared. I don’t know how to think or that to feel. My family is hella conservative and I’m told I should be grateful but I’m not. I’m scared, I can’t go to anyone about my fears. She would’ve protected my rights as a queer individual and I know he won’t. I hate it here.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA for asking out my manager?

Hi there. Trust me this is a WIBTA and not just dating advice.

So I (35F) am basically working at my dream workplace. I cant say what exactly, because I know people follow this account there, but suffice to say its in a desirable industry with a lot of passionate folks, and while its a big (~150 people) place, there's an atmosphere of kindness and joy I've never seen anywhere else. I know a lot of you probably hate me for this, but I am truly aware how rare a workplace this is, and I am grateful. I dont take it for granted. Sometimes the work itself truly sucks, and the pay is outright atrocious, but when your coworkers have your back, it makes all the difference. They accept me even tho I'm trans, and when I've been sick or injured they make sure I'm taken care of. I feel like they are a family of sorts, and I've been working there for over a year now.

Anyways, this wonderful place is held up by a lot of wonderful people, but one in particular is my manager (30F). When I first got hired, I noticed she was cute, but more importantly she was welcoming and accepting. I set aside those feelings, of course, because its a workplace, but they havent gone away.

But lately, this all started to change. We now spend a lot of talking! We have lots of common interests, and there have been nights when both of us will stay for HOURS while the other works, just to chat about whatever! We even text a bit, even about not-work things. Sharing fandom stuff, whatever. The more and more we talked, the more I fell for her. I could hear her go on for days, even if its something I dont care about. Hell, she could read the dictionary and I'd be sitting there grinning because I get to hear her talk. I've got it bad! And then, a few weeks ago, she even brings up how she's given up on dating...but before I could ask more or say anything really, a coworker interrupted and the moment passed.

And here I am, weeks later, smitten like crazy. And I'd say "oh she obviously likes me, she sticks around for you, shares stuff with you" but she's like this with everyone. She's a bit airheaded honestly about it, I mostly find it endearing, but she could absolutely just be doing it because she talks like that to everyone. She's bisexual, and very pro-trans, so I dont think that would be an issue in any way.

But here's where the WIBTA part comes: I have told a couple other coworkers, and they brought up not only that its a dangerous move to date a manager, but also that it could hurt the workplace itself. I mean, this is a place where so many people get to have a joyful opportunity at life, and as I've said this is tremendously rare...what if I take up too much of this manager's time, and she cant be there for other workers? What if this manager gets fired for dating an underling, and gets replaced by someone awful? There's a whole lot of what-if's floating through my mind.

And then I start thinking, if I ask her out, wouldnt that be putting her in an awkward position? I mean if she doesnt like me, and has to turn me down, she still has to work with me, and I her. I can compartmentalize that, but...she might have more trouble. Is it selfish of me to even try, when I could just let well enough be? And on top of that, what did she mean by "giving up on dating"? It didnt sound like she was aromantic, just that she decided it wont happen, but maybe its just going to be a problem if I ask her out. It feels like the stakes of even asking her out are so high. So I keep chatting with her in hopes that I'll catch a lead, but...idk.

Anyways, I am primarily concerned with if it would be a dick move to anyone in my workplace, especially her, but genuinely I am just lost here. I've never dated anyone at a workplace, but like. The dating apps suck, and I dont think I've ever felt this way about anyone before. I've even thought about quitting or finding another workplace to make it an easier decision, but I feel like thats even worse; like it would put pressure on her to date me because I quit for her or something. So how about it? Should I keep my mouth shut, or is love truly worth all risks?

What are these acronyms?

[vee-beeee]

Book Jockey

HELLO

This is totally based off a quote from parks and rec

this is def a crack fic

Premise: Basically, your worst enemy works at the library and you need to check something out for a case.

Connor and Nines are VERY confused, but they've got the spirit

Warnings: curse words lol, being a little mischievous, paper book libraries exist and Connor and Nines cant pull everything from the internet sometimes because i say so, a lil half-assed plot in here

Connor and Nines x reader

╰┈➤---------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Detective, why are you hitting your head on the steering wheel?"

You sighed and turned your face -that had previously been smushed on your vehicles steering wheel- to look vacantly at Connor. His eyebrows were furrowed in concern, and he was leaning forward slightly to look you in the eyes. You groaned and sat up fully, pushing yourself further into the seat, and grabbing some strands of your hair to stare at them instead of the android.

"I just don't like this library Connor." you closed your eyes, dropping the strand of hair, and you could almost hear his confusion from next to you.

"I thought you enjoyed libraries detective" a firm voice from the back of your car made itself known and you opened your eyes to gaze out on the dreaded building.

"I usually do Nines, but someone who works here absolutely sucks." out of the corner of your eyes Connor nodded his head, and then he turned to ask you a question that you never thought you would here out of his mouth.

"Like Detective Reed levels?"

You chocked and whipped your head to look at the android in shock, while he gave you a small smile. You beamed back at him and rolled your eyes away from him "Think even worse". Connor's smile faded as he winced and turned to look at Nines, who gave him a half-hearted shrug, turning to stare at the back of your head. Finally you sighed and started unlocking the doors.

"In and out. No eye contact, no distractions" you breathed, and looked at the boys. Connor gave you a sympathetic look and nodded, while Nines gave you a steely gaze and said nothing. Connor turned to look out the front window of the car, and started giving your group a rundown of this little mission.

"We're just here for that disc, it contains information invaluable to the case" you inclined your head towards Connor, and noticed his LED silently flashed when he looked at his counterpart. They exchanged a brief glance, and then you were out of the car and on your way to the library.

You wonder what they said. Sometimes their telepathic communication was unfair.

(They were talking about being as quick as possible and helping you get through this, but Nines would kill Connor if they spoke like that out loud)

As you slowly reached the front door, you looked through the glass and sure enough

standing right in the middle of everything at the check-out counter

was your worst nightmare.

And so, like a normal person that wasn't afraid, you spun a full 180 degrees and started to walk away.

"Actually I changed my mind. We can find the info somewhere else."

Connor immediately called after you and grabbed your elbow, effectively stopping you from going anywhere with his impressive strength. He turned you around, and forced you to look in his eyes.

"It'll be okay detective. We'll both be in there with you-" he paused and looked at Nines, whose LED flashed yellow and red as the next words came out of Connor's mouth "-we could always just us do it ourselves, but it would look a little weird. 2 androids looking at books" he chuckled and scanned at your face, trying to read your body language.

As soon as Connor said himself and Nines could go in there alone, you felt a pang of guilt. Placing both hands on your chest, you deeply inhaled before exhaling. Connor moved the hand that was on your elbow to rub gently on your back, and you looked at both the boys telling yourself more than them,

"I can do this."

Then you were bursting through the doors!

Annnnddd then immediately ducking down a random isle to avoid being seen.

Connor sought out and greeted the nearest employee, (who seemed very annoyed at the sight of him) and started to try and chat up the elderly women on where their video section was. You leaned against a bookshelf and sighed once more, closing your eyes. You listened to the RK800 talk to the woman, trying to pay attention to where you would be heading.

And then a hand was reaching out to yours.

And holding your pinky finger.

Eyes fluttering open, you slightly turned to your right and saw Nines waiting with you, eyes staring at a random book on the shelf as he silently caressed your fingers with his own.

You gently took one of his digits in your hand and squeezed a couple times, copying him by gazing at the rows of books in front of you.

He squeezed back.

Eventually Connor finished his conversation and made his way to your little pair, and informed you both were the old archives were. You smiled at him, thankful that he had some people skills out of the lot of you, and you all swiftly set off into the basement of the library, making sure to not be seen by that dreaded employee.

You all took the elevator down to the basement, and started your search for this precious disc. As you were looking through one old box, slightly coughing from the dust and grime that had built up, you felt a presence next to you.

"Is there a particular reason why you despise that women?" Connor came up next to your form and started digging into the bin adjacent to yours. You shook your head as you started to explain to him.

"She actually used to work at the DPD. She was always annoyed at me, and even complained to Fowler about me multiple times. She just had it out for me." you brought a hand up to tuck a strand of hair behind your head and took a glance at Connor, whose LED was fully yellow. He tilted his head as he looked, a gesture that was meant to convey he was listening, and you continued with your story.

"Then one day she filed a serious accusation against me, saying I messed up some important paper work. It wasn't true, but I still got in trouble at first. They eventually found out it was her that tampered with it and she was fired, but she sure went out with a bang. Then I heard she started working at this library and I've avoided it every since." You felt Connor staring at you, but you couldn't meet his gaze. The memory of her screeching at you brought you down, and you shut the lid of the box you were looking though with a small slam.

And then a body was wrapped around you.

"I'm sorry Y/N. I wish I could fix it, but the best we can do is get out of here quickly."

You nodded at his words, sighing as you wrapped your hands around his own and basked in the comfort he provided you.

After almost 5 more minutes of digging through dusty CDS and old news papers, Nines had been the one that found the disc you were looking for. Crowding around him, you and Connor shared a glance over Nines back as the android read out the title of the disc and its contents.

"That's the disc alright" you muttered, looking at both boys. Connor straightened his tie and looked away from you, and guiltily gazed around the room.

"We need to check it out."

Ohhh, that's what you forgot about.

You looked at both RK units, who shared a sympathetic look, and you exhaled, grabbing the disc from Nines and slowly trudging towards the elevator to the top floor.

It needed to be you to do it.

It was a longggg elevator ride.

You had told both boys that you understood and it was okay, but Connor still apologized. His explanation was that only you could use your library card (because you were a human, they weren't used to androids checking books out yet) and they wished they could do it for you. You had sighed at the explanation, remembering that androids still had a few restrictions.

Which was garbage.

When the doors were open, you were meet by the sight of that lady sitting at the center desk, blissfully unaware of who was marching towards her. Reaching the desk, you took a breathe.

"I need to check this out please" your voice wavered, but you held firm as you slid the disc over to the person at the desk.

As she tilted her head up, surprise bloomed over her features, and she scanned you head to toe before smiling smugly in recognition.

"Oh y/n, so good to see you. Are they finally teaching your department how to read?"

The world went quiet and you heard Nines slight scoff, but was hidden under a cough, and Connor was instantly at your back. If that lady saw the reaction, she didn't say anything and just continued staring into your soul with a huge smirk.

She continued her work and hummed as she checked out the disc, turning to her computer before clicking around a minute.

And then she grinned, and evil expression. And you knew she was planning something.

"I'm sorry, but this says you have a couple overdue books." immediately your eyebrows raised, and your face morphed into one of skepticism.

You always returned your books on time.

Your boys knew this, and took a chance to glance at each other with confusion.

"One of those books seems to be titled MYSTERYS OF THE MALE BODY" her voice slowly raising as she read out the name of this secret mystical book that was overdue. Your mouth fell open, basically hitting the ground, and you felt Connor grab your hand. Nines was at your side, and sharply glaring at the lady.

You made a decision in that moment.

"RUN GUYS RUN GRAB THE DISC GO GO" you yelled, knocking over a couple books that sat on the counter as the librarian protested, quickly standing up in her chair in shock. Nines instantly understood and grabbed the disc and also took ahold of a confused Connor, you three making a made dash to the door. Connor started yelling "we'll return it" as you and Nines grabbed your accomplice.

And then you saw a cart, filled with books waiting to be put on the shelves.

Looking very tippable

You ran over to it and shoved it over as hard as you could, screaming

"PUNK ASS BOOK JOCKEYS"

Your group burst through the doors, hearing the beeping of the security system and ran all across the parking lot to the way to the car, where Connor slid into the drivers seat and instantly took off.

You were breathless and beaming, chuckling to yourself.

Connor and Nines joined in on your giggling, everyone a little in shock at the little stunt you pulled.

You felt a tap on your shoulder, and Nines was giving you a small smile

"Punk ass book jockeys?"

And then Connor was laughing again, combing a hand through his hair.

So the trip went pretty well. You got the disc after all.

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HII HOPE YOU ENJOYED READING

This is literally based off a qoute LOL

sorry for spelling errors and plot holesss as always

also im not sure how i feel about the whole plot with the angry librarian but oh well

[ashpkat]

i could not finish my fic in time for the anniversary, so here! have a pitiful excerpt of the continuation of your name, forever the name on my lips

cant breathe whenever you’re gone (i’m haunted):

“…

Silence. They looked at eachother. Aaron opened his mouth to say something else when Call cut him off, “Are you mad at me? You seem mad at me.”

“Am I mad— Call you disappeared to God knows where for a year! I’m not mad, I’m— I’m upset! I’m sad!” Aaron threw himself onto the bed and laid back. Dust flew into the air and into his lungs, he coughed and rolled over, “I’m confused.” He mumbled.

The boards creaked underneath Call’s feet as he shifted his weight and sighed, “I know. I’m confused too. What I did to you was.. wrong. I feel horrible for what I did to you, and now I’m here with you again, I feel more confused.” He sat down next to Aaron’s chest and hugged one of his knees to his chest.

“I was so worried,” Aaron murmured, “I wondered every day where you were and if you were safe. And now, I have you back, and the first thing I see you do is command some chaos-ridden and watch Joseph suck up to you,” he rolled over once more onto his back to stare back at Call, “Why are you here and— wait why are you staring at me like that?”

Call blinked and looked away, “We’re definitely not talking about the same thing.”

“Huh?” Aaron sat up, “What thing are you— oh. Oh.” He felt his cheeks heat up, “Seriously? Is that the first thing you’re concerned with?”

“No!” Call exclaimed, “no. I just, I was just thinking about it and the way you looked at me I thought you were too.”

He scoffed and flopped back onto the mattress. It was stiff and uncomfortable. Call laid beside him, he was careful to not let their bodies brush together.

“I’m sorry,” Call said.

Aaron looked closer, “I know. That’s all you’ve been saying since we got here. You didn’t answer my question: Why are you here?”

“Later,” Call said and saw how Aaron frowned, “I know, I know. That’s the answer you’ve been getting since you got here; later. But trust me, it’s going to be much easier to explain when I don’t have to re-explain the story over and over again.”

“Fine.”

Silence once more. Aaron shifted uncomfortably on the bed. He could feel the warmth from Call’s body from his spot on the comforter, and he wanted nothing more to embrace it. He was sure Call would welcome it, but Aaron didn’t want to bumble up to that just yet. Calls hand curled in front of his face and Aaron laid his hand right next to it. Call’s lips made a small smile. They interlocked pinkies, as if he was saying: I’m not going anywhere.

…”

[itsallrighthere]

I dont have anywhere to talk about my feelings, in a way where someone wont message me concerned. Mind you, i dont ever want to say i dont want the love and care i receive from my loved ones, but sometimes i just have to get it out once and not elaborate further. So since this place was once my little safe space, i shall make it so again…

I just really miss my cat, i want him back and its getting harder and harder to breath without him. I miss him, and hes gone now and hes not coming back.

I miss having to cater to his every need, so much so that i carried him up and down the stairs, because he only had three legs and it was really hard for him to get around like that.

I tried so hard to help him but no one would donate to his GOFUNDME and no one will help me and ill never forgive anyone for that. I know its not anyones fault, not even my own, but i cant help but hate everyone just a little for it.

How can jobless people set up gofundme for disney trips, but i, who works very hard and comes home very sad and exhausted and broken cant just have my cat by my side. When i see those kinds of gofundmes i get very angry, and i hate those people more and more every time i see them.

This isnt a cry for help, this is just me crying. I miss him. Thats all.

I dont want to be alive anymore

I needed him a lot more than he needed me.

I dont want another cat i dont want a new one i dont want anything else

I want my cat. I love my cat. He is a good boy

I think i was in love with my cat

His name was jake, and he was my little yakuza, here he is very young, before he lost his leg. I see him in every three legged cat, i see him in every orange cat, and i see him in my friends cats even if theyre nothing alike.

[wolfisland]

sorry i wish i had something more eloquent to say rn other than "character! i love character!" but i dont remember too many details rn bc its been a long time. though i think you may have just brought my hyperfixation back bc im at work going "oh what if all of them were working in food/customer service" <- do you have any insights? or what kind of life they would lead in a modern AU? or honestly id love it if you just ranted about characters in general IM JUST HAPPY TO TALK TO SOMEONE WHO PLAYED EBONLIGHT YAY

NO ITS OKAY. I UNDERSTAND. CHARACTER I LOVE CHARACTER!! youre speaking my language dw!!!! gonna stick it under a cut so i dont annoy everyone else

that said i think if you put ernol in any kind of day to day customer service job he'd kill himself. i also think haron would end up hating it tbh like hes very Good at People Stuff but ive always felt like harons the kind of autistic (bc as far as im concerned both ernol and haron are autistic) where hes great at masking (ha) but cant really function for extended periods of time doing shallow socialisation. very much a thriving til he isnt type.

laceaga either cant cook period or he's one of those line cooks who, if he hasnt spit in your food, just made you the best meal youve had in your entire life and youll be chasing that high the rest of your life.

in terms of a regular life for everyone though outside of food service based on my memory (now i need to replay it so i can actually know wtf im talking about again) i think the person most likely to genuinely end up in customer service for an extended period of time. unfortunately. it is vadeyn. like a solid 5/10 most days. he definitely has better things to be doing but barely anywhere else is hiring.

really obsessed w the fast food au my brains decided exists actually just because the idea of ernol trying to take someones order through a drive through is gonna make me laugh so hard i throw up get him OUT OF HERE

[daisyletters]

Monday, 8/14/23, 1:46am

Dear Daisy,

I almost made it through this time, it's August already. It always comes back in the summer though. That hallow empty feeling. Creeps up before I even know its coming. Just when I'm thinking I can finally relax and am feeling okay I don't want to be here anymore.

I've never wanted to die, I feel like that's always the first concern when I've talked about this before. I just kind of want to stop existing? Like I wasn't there to begin with. Just for a while maybe, just to exist but not? So no ones worrying about me or upset about at me, like I was never there.

It always starts with me feeling empty and kind of pointless. I try not to think about why I'm even here or what the point is. Maybe I'm just lonely, again. Or stressed? Feeling unwanted as usual, which is one of those things that I can never quite figure out how to fix. Because you can't depend on other people to fix you. But also you can't feel wanted without other people? Can wanting yourself help? I'm always with myself, can't exactly want more time with me.

I'm trying to get over the edge, move past it like I eventually always do. Last week was really hard, didn't go so great but I dragged myself through it. And now this week has technically already began and I desperately want to give up. I'm not ready to push through again but I don't really have a choice.

I'm trying to look ahead, think of the future when I can get past a lot of the things that are making me feel stuck right now. A new job that I can actually live on, and only a job, no more school or a long list of things I should be doing but cant. Then I'll be able to actually move on to working on the other parts of life. I'm not in the same place as everyone else, and we never are. But I don't feel like I can handle more once school starts back up. No time for relationships or even the basic level of socializing with friends. I barely made it through last year and honestly my sleep schedule still hasn't recovered. The summer seems like a nice break in theory but with an income that's in the negatives without financial aid it's honestly miserable. No activities outside of the bare minimum, maybe one or two a month and even that I have to get creative with. Honestly not enough food for day to day either, my rice has bugs in it but I'm still eating it because I can't spare half a weeks food budget on more. The Internet said it's fine as long as you don't think about it too much so it's probably fine, tastes okay. I feel guilty buying a tea or a snack because I know I need that money elsewhere but sometimes you need something to feel normal.

Another year, just hang in there. I can make more money once I graduate. I need to find a new job honestly before I graduate so I don't drown from student loans. More money, no school, a new apartment out of this area and closer to literally anyone else. No one comes over here because it's the worst part of town. It's dangerous, dirty, and far, I know. I feel it everyday when I hold my breath walking down my street because the smell of urine is burning my nose. When I walk through the broken glass and have to stare down men who are harassing me. I don't want to be here, how can I expect anyone else to want to be?

But I can't make plans somewhere else with no money. I can't invite anyone anywhere. I just get scared that other people will be upset with me for just trying to survive. I always feel inadequate, like everyone's looking at me and saying I don't do enough. Everyone else is doing this and that, why can't you? Why can't you just do it? Why can't you be like everyone else? Why haven't you done those things? Why aren't you like everyone else? I feel like being me isn't enough for everyone else sometimes. Like I have to be more or Im not worth anything at all.

Does everyone else just know how much is enough? Do they have to think about it? Do they have to count every interaction and try to decide if its adequate? Do they finish their days going over their interactions and picking them apart? It has always felt like if I don't I'll pay for it. One way or another if I relax it'll come back to me and I'll be snapped back into place because I've messed up again.

People are hard, this is why I struggle with socializing so much. But doesn't everyone? Are we not all fighting for our lives out here so people don't think we're off?

Thanks for listening.

[evil-wakes-in-vengeance]

Don't reply to this. I told you I'm rebuilding my life. I've got every confidence in myself, but thank you nonetheless. The thing that stings about it all is that you have nothing to say after months of not talking. Not that you have to say anything, that's your prerogative, I'm just genuinely surprised by it. It's good to know I was just a temporary filler for your loneliness at the time. Don't repeat the same mistake. I definitely won't be.

right this is the last time I am fucking replying to you and I'm going to break it down as simple as possible, I let you , ash , into my life, when I wasn't even ready but i decided to give it all a chance again after 4 years of toxicity with will. it started horrible and I should have seen the flags , one example would be the day you said you loved me and you decided to make me feel bad for not returning the notion, which guilt tripped the shit out of me, the next thing I knew you where slowly moving your stuff in doing in slowly almost as though I wouldnt notice, and I very clearly wasnt ready for that step I allowed it on the false pretention you would get a job , which you never did, to which I then got a second job , because I could not afford you myself and luna off of part time cleaning. Which i required you to watch my child for , which was met with me being some sort of "hoe" at work because I wanted to fuck everyoe or everyone me , and that was the same everywhere i went I couldnt even go in a shop without you sulking about a guy i had apperntly looked at, it was absurd , i couldn't do the one thing I enjoyed which was my motorbike meets because you made it fucking hell in regaurds to of course men, I was made to feel unloyal trapped and quiet frankly like i didnt exist because all you ever spoke about was yourself, i basically became your therapist even though you where slowly chocking the shit out of me, and my daughter of which you found hilariouse to bully and put down, calling her names as a joke the same as you did me and even calling her drawings bad just being outright horrible for your own entertainment , you wanted sex on demaned regaurdless off how i felt and if i said no i would yet again be met with a guilt trip to where i was left feeling misreable but as long you got what you wanted it didn't matter, you ironically would sit in my bed scrolling threw nudes off woman and even commenting on photos thinking i wasnt aware and you even messaged some girl attempting to meet , but I was the one being accused off god knows what even though id never looked anywhere else or anything of the sort. you just toke from me ash, you free loaded off my food my internet my tobocco everything, sat on your xbox most nights until fuck knows when and slept all day and would expect a pat on the back when you did something nice, yeh we went for some cycle rides we had some nice memories together but all of the nice shit with sobotaged by all of the above, the last straw was when I spoke to that black guy at central bar and I was accused of wanting BBD ect to the point the guy walked us back as he was concerned about me with your behaviour to which ended up with me finally fighting back and loosing my shit with you which resulted in you loobing my furniture across the room. so i kicked you out off my house and called the police, and from months on from there you sent me thousand and thousands of messages , you even sent me pictures of girls naked telling how much better they where than me, as if you hadnt already done a number on my confidence with comments i cant even put on the internet because theyre so disguisting like that one becky wanted to punch you in the face for (my god i wish she had!) , then at some point you broke into my fucking house , it toke the police months to catch your arse and theyre still processing all the evidence now and it still has to go to court, yet here the fuck you are with a restraining order against you messaging me , you currently have two fake accounts to stalk my instagram and fuck knows what else you stalk it seems my tumblr also of course! your obsessed , with what i dont even know because to be quiet fucking brutally honest with you i totally fucking hate you. you made me feel more alone than actually being alone has ever ever made me feel, and thanks to you im now absoloutly fucking terrified to let anyone near not just me but my child ! because i never want some cunt to treat her like you did ! you..are..vile.

[divinefeline28]

okay @soleilduveil heres my 5000 word summary on squirrelflight and leafpool's lives. hope its what you wanted

also if anyone wants to write any analysis of their own id love to hear it

(i should note when i say "god", that almost every cat who dies becomes a spirit and is deified upon death when they join heaven. they are typically all respected by the same measure, but every spirit is still an individual. there are also ghosts, but clan cats almost always go to heaven and become gods.)

(it may also be worth mentioning that the original author of warrior cats, who no longer writes for the series but did originally create her as a character, DOES NOT like squirrelflight. this becomes increasingly apparant as the series goes on.)

squirrelflight and leafpool are sisters, and the only children of the great awesome prophesied leader firestar. i think you read into the wild so you know him. anyway the girls are very spoiled because theyre basically princesses but leafpool is mostly quiet and kind growing up and squirrelflight is very loud and rude and rash. leafpool decides early on she wants to be a healer, a very prestigious position, but it comes with harsher rules enforced by society (the most important being "cant have a partner or kittens". theyre basically supposed to be doctor nuns. it sucks but thats not the point of this discussion.)

theres a few other guys you need to know about so lets talk about brambleclaw. brambleclaw and squirrelflight are friends, but they butt heads a lot simply because squirrelflight is rude and rash as aforementioned but also shes usually right. brambleclaw is kind of cringe but bottom line is theyre friends. when brambleclaw gets chosen by a prophecy to find everyone a new home, squirrelflight hears about it and tags along with him (against his wishes). they go on a journey for a little while and become a lot closer as a result.

they also meet crowfeather on this journey, another important guy to this story. he was chosen to be in the prophecy but hes also really young and also a complete jerk. he falls in love with someone else on the journey but then she dies, and he isnt able to save her. he matures a little bit because of this and hes supposed to be "angry prickly guy who secretly cares" trope. all told, he's alright.

while squirrelflight is on the journey, leafpool befriends a fellow healer from another clan named mothwing. mothwing is kind of insecure about being a healer, especially since she wasnt born in the clans (the clans are typically xenophobic), but she and leafpool learn together. mothwing is also kind of scared of her brother hawkfrost. also every time its leafpool's perspective and she thinks about mothwing shes constantly in awe of how beautiful and awesome she is, but warrior cats would never be gay so it doesnt go anywhere in canon. they are possibly the best known and liked warrior cats ship for good reason!

squirrelflight and brambleclaw get back from their journey and the place all the clans live in is being destroyed and they have to lead everyone to the new home they found. brambleclaw finds out that hawkfrost and mothwing are actually his half siblings from his really evil and dead father tigerstar (he has a lot of insecurity about his father being evil and not being a very good father. hes mostly more concerned about the second thing.) he befriends hawkfrost because he wants to have a relationship with siblings he only just learned about. leafpool tells squirrelflight "hey im friends with his sister and i think that guy is kind of bad news, you might want to tell brambleclaw to be careful." squirrelflight witnesses hawkfrost being kind of bad news and tries to tell brambleclaw about it, but brambleclaw gets really mad at her and they stop being friends for a while.

also while this happens leafpool almost dies, but crowfeather saves her, seeing as a redemption for not being able to save the girl he liked on the journey. they kind of very suddenly develop feelings for each other.

squirrelflight starts spending more time with her and brambleclaw's mutual friend ashfur. ashfur very suddenly and possessively falls in love with squirrelflight, to which she is... not really aware of? he tries to get with her after a few weeks, and she kindly tells him shes not interested in him and just wants to be friends. he becomes very very upset and refuses to talk to her anymore.

turns out brambleclaw and hawkfrost have been hanging out in hell with their evil dead dad. hawkfrost really likes being evil. brambleclaw isnt sure about being evil but STILL wants to have a relationship with his evil family. at some point leafpool witnesses them in hell and becomes rather scared of brambleclaw, but later on she gets a message from god that hes Actually A Good Guy, We Promise. around this time, mothwing finds out that hawkfrost faked a sign from god in order for the clan to accept her as a healer, and shes very hurt and upset by this, and loses faith in god as a result (which is a big deal because its kind of the healers Whole Deal to talk to god also.) leafpool is the only person she tells about this, and leafpool is a good friend and keeps her secret, but now she REALLY doesnt trust brambleclaw or hawkfrost.

leafpool has been sneaking out to meet crowfeather and theyre very much in love. (this is double illegal, because healers cant have mates and no one can be mates with a cat from a different clan.) at this point, leafpool isnt doing so great mentally; another cat has been helping her mentor at healing, and she feels unimportant, and squirrelflight has been so wrapped up in her brambleclaw drama that they havent been super close either. she asks god what she should do, and god tells her word for word, to "follow her heart". she, reasonably, interprets this to mean she should follow her happiness with crowfeather, and they run away together to start a new life.

like maybe a week after they leave, a nice badger (crowfeather met her on the prophecy journey) finds them and tells them there are not nice badgers attacking the clans and they are desperately needed. they mutually decide to return and help their clans, but when they get there leafpool's mentor was killed and shes absolutely devastated, feeling as if she couldve saved her if she hadnt left. leafpool and crowfeather decide its best to end their relationship and serve their clans instead.

squirrelflight makes up with brambleclaw, but hes still talking to hawkfrost, so its kind of still a sore spot. ashfur sees this as squirrelflight choosing brambleclaw over him. she accepts leafpool back with open arms, but a lot of people are very upset with her, especially since her firestar (clan leader) forgives her and doesnt punish her. firestar also makes brambleclaw his second in command, somewhat due to leafpool telling him that god said hes a good guy earlier on.

a little while later, hawkfrost tricks firestar into getting caught in a fox trap, his plan being for brambleclaw to kill him and succeed him as leader. ashfur assists him, telling leafpool and squirrelflight that brambleclaw is trying to kill firestar and he went for backup. brambleclaw is kind of conflicted on if he should kill firestar, but he finally decides not to be evil. hawkfrost gets angry and attacks him; brambleclaw kills hawkfrost to save his own life, and is very upset to have to do so. firestar forgives him and thinks he did the Right thing. squirrelflight and brambleclaw officially start dating for real, and leafpool remains the sole healer of the clan.

unfortunately, in the amount of time that leafpool and crowfeather ran away, leafpool became pregnant. this is, unfortunately, triple illegal, as "healers cant have mates" and "healers cant have children" are two entirely separate rules enforced on healers. leafpool is very scared about whats going to happen to her kittens as a result of this, and begs her sister squirrelflight for help. god goes to squirrelflight and tells her shes infertile, so taking leafpools kittens is her only chance at having a family. squirrelflight decides the best thing to do is pretend the kittens are hers instead and raise them with brambleclaw. (if youre wondering about the logistics of this, dont. you have to just go with it.) crucially, squirrelflight does not tell this to brambleclaw, because as clan deputy, knowing about leafpools triple illegal children puts him in a deeply challenging spot between his love for squirrelflight, respect for leafpool, and being a figure of authority.

regardless, squirrelflight and brambleclaw love these children and raise them as their own; their names are jayfeather, hollyleaf, and lionblaze (they have magic powers but thats not actually super relevant). jayfeather is blind, and he desperately wants to be a warrior, but the same god that gave dubious advice to leafpool tells him he cant be a warrior due to his blindness and his only choice is to become a healer. he deeply resents this, but trusts god, so he becomes leafpool's apprentice. leafpool is overjoyed at being able to have such a close relationship with one of her children, even if he doesnt know she's actually his mother.

lionblaze ends up mentored by ashfur, who is still very very bitter about squirrelflight. hes pretty abusive to him growing up but lionblaze has a hard time seeing and accepting that, especially as he doesnt know his history with squirrelflight.

timeskip to when the three children are young adults, and a fire traps them in their home. squirrelflight tries to help them, but she was recently injured and struggles to do so; ashfur pulls up, pretends to help, and then blocks their escape to confront squirrelflight. he tells her he tried to kill firestar for the same reason hes going to kill her children now; so that she would feel the same pain that he did when she rejected him. desperate to keep them safe, she tells ashfur "you cant hurt me that way because they arent my children". unfortunately, the children hear this and are very very upset, hollyleaf especially. ashfur decides that instead, he'll just tell everyone at the big clan gathering coming up, and she'll be punished.

jayfeather is determined to find out who their biological parents are, and eventually learns that their existence is triple illegal. this breaks hollyleaf, who valued being upstanding and following the rules. at some point, hollyleaf also determined that she just didnt have a magic power when her brothers did. she attempts to kill leafpool to make her pay; leafpools tells her "do you think it would be easier for me to die, or to go on living, not only with whatever punishment i receive but knowing my children hate me?" hollyleaf lets her live and goes and kills ashfur instead. despite everything, lionblaze and squirrelflight mourn his death. hollyleaf ends up going to the gathering and telling everyone herself, despite her friends and brother's pleas not to. she runs away and is presumed dead after she is caught in a tunnel collapse.

leafpool is demoted, and brambleclaw very publicly breaks up with squirrelflight for lying to her. neither of them are cast out of the clan, but they are both hated and distrusted by literally everybody but their own parents. (not really relavent, but if youre curious about crowfeather, he had NO clue he was the father of the kittens, though he publicly denounces them, as he was trying very hard to rebuild his reputation after running away with leafpool. he has a new wife and son and they hate leafpool and her children very much. crowfeather is never really negative towards leafpool directly, though he certainly doesnt try to help her either.)

to break up the summary a little bit, leafpool and squirrelflight were ENTIRELY JUSTIFIED in keeping their secret. half clan, or kittens of healers had been punished or driven out before. leafpool cared about her kittens safety more than anything else. squirrelflight loved and cared for her sisters safety more than anything else. in the end, they were the only ones punished for anything in this fiasco; leafpool had to learn how to be a warrior, leaving her entire former life as a respected healer behind. squirrelflight lost her husband and respect of everyone she knew.

fast forward a bunch, and the clans are about to face a war against hell. (yes, literally.) jayfeather and lionblaze as the magic power guys have been training their whole lives for this. it turns out, hollyleaf didnt die in the collapse, and has just been living in the tunnels for like a year, afraid to return to the clan and face everything that happened. also firestar makes leafpool a healer again, despite public backlash, because he doesnt think she needs to be punished anymore.

lionblaze sees hollyleaf helping out some young cats from the clan, and begs her to come back. she eventually does, and shes very overwhelmed but she finds that shes not mad at leafpool or squirrelflight anymore. notably, hollyleaf is prepared to admit that she killed ashfur, but brambleclaw covers for her. theyre slowly rebuilding their relationship when the war finally happens; during which, hawkfrost (from hell) kills hollyleaf. she makes up with squirrel and leaf and apologizes for everything before she dies. brambleclaw kills hawkfrost's spirit again in revenge. firestar also dies, and brambleclaw succeeds him; he forgives squirrelflight, making her his deputy.

fast forward a little, squirrelflight and brambleclaw get back together. god tells squirrelflight they actually lied to her about being infertile so that she would take leafpools kittens. this was important to them because they were the special prophesized magic power guys. despite how ridiculously unfair this is, squirrelflight forgives them, and she and brambleclaw have their own kittens named alderheart and sparkpelt. alderheart becomes a healer with jayfeather and leafpool. jayfeather had the most complicated relationship with leafpool to begin with, and despite being a very difficult person to get along with, he and leafpool become very close.

most of leafpool and squirrelflight's past has been forgiven and is considered history. nothing super exciting happens to them for a whole series while alderheart and sparkpelt grow up.

unfortunately its now time for squirrelflight's hope, a book focused entirely about squirrelflight. the only reason i say this is the second worst warrior cats book is because the first worst warrior cats book features pedophilia. so last series a whole new clan joined the original four and they had to split up territory to fit them in. the other leaders are unhappy with how it was done and want to revise it. at the meeting, brambleclaw and the new clan's leader, leafstar, dont want to change anything, but almost everyone else thinks they should, including squirrelflight. squirrelflight proposes a solution different than brambleclaws, and afterwards he berates her for not backing him up. on the way home, they squirrelflight and brambleclaw reminisce on their life together and squirrelflight says she wants to have more children. brambleclaw kinda just brushes her off.

squirrelflight watches as brambleclaw reports what happened to the rest of the clan and it hits her that as a leader, he will most likely outlive her, and this makes her really sad and she goes to sleep alone instead of with him. the next morning, she's convinced herself that she overracted and feels guilty. she goes to talk to leafpool, who personally agrees with brambleclaw. squirrel asks her to ask god about it, but leafpool can tell theyve been fighting and says they should figure it out together. squirrelflight then tells her sister shes more upset about him not really wanting any more kits, and leafpool comforts her.

squirrelflight decides to go by herself to talk to leafstar (the new leader, not her sister, don't get confused) and show her the territory that she thinks they should have instead, behind brambleclaw's back. leafstar agrees, but they run into some large women who have settled into that very territory. these women, called the sisters, tell them theyre not leaving until their leader, moonlight, has had her kits, and to avoid being kicked out, they keep squirrelflight and leafstar hostage (though they are very kind to them, feed them, shelter them etc). leafstar tries to escape but is forced to stay.

squirrelflight finds she doesnt really mind staying with them, and they share their culture which she finds very intriguing, even partaking in a ceremony with them. these cats also see and commune with ghosts. then, brambleclaw brings a bunch of cats to recue them, and squirrelflight attempts to deescalate. they agree to let the sisters stay if they let leafstar and squirrelflight go, which they agree to.

brambleclaw is furious with squirrel for going behind his back, and demands that any choices she makes have to go through him first, which diminishes her authority as second-in-command. she usually organizes which cats do every duty each day, but brambleclaw now wants her to tell him who she choses before she does, which is a ridiculous request. she snaps that he just wants to feel in charge, and he tells her he doesnt trust her anymore. suddenly, sparkpelt comes to tell them that shes pregnant, and they pretend not to be angry at each other to congratulate her. brambleclaw now wants to talk to her about having more kittens, but squirrelflight is upset and goes to confide in leafpool instead.

some time later, squirrelflight runs into a few of the sisters begging for help, as one of their cats has been gravely injured. squirrelflight brings them back to their home, but brambleclaw forbids leafpool from helping them. the clan argues, with many cats wanting to help the injured cat, and brambleclaw sends jayfeather and alderheart to ask god what to do. he confines them all to a corner and doesnt let anyone speak to them, and stops leafpool from saving this cat's life.

brambleclaw once again gets angry with squirrelflight for undermining his authority and putting him in a difficult position. (its all political bullshit.) jayfeather and alderheart come back with a really vague message and leafpool gets fed up and tries to force her way to healing the injured cat; brambleclaw physically restrains her until squirrelflight demands he let her go, and he essentially punches the wall and walks out.

more political bullshit happens and brambleclaw declares that the sisters have to leave, despite their earlier agreement. squirrelflight helps the injured cat to rejoin the rest of the sisters, and warns them that they wont find friendship with the clans. despite this, they treat her kindly. soon after, sparkpelt's mate falls very ill, and has to ask the other clans for help. she ends up feeling like its her fault, and that god is angry with her for trying to help the sisters. sparkpelt also becomes sick soon after. squirrelflight goes to the sisters to see if they know what may have caused the illness, and they do, as well as how to cure it.

sparkpelt has her kittens while just barely recovering from the sickness, but her mate dies, and so does one of their children. sparkpelt is devestated and deeply depressed, so squirrelflight and brambleclaw take care of her other two kittens and briefly stop arguing.

squirrelflight and leafpool again go to the sisters to tell them the clans arent going to tolerate them being there much longer, but also deliver the news of the deaths of their family. the sisters immediately offer to hold an intimate ceremony for them, to protect their spirits. squirrelflight confindes in leafpool once again that shes deeply insecure in her relationship with brambleclaw, and leafpool is concerned for her.

leafstar and squirrelflight return some time later to warn the sisters that the other clans intend to attack and drive them out. their leader mostly brushes them off and is insistant on holding up their original agreement. squirrelflight and brambleclaw are still arguing, and squirrelflight tells him "even if i dont agree with you, i love you", to which he is surprised. she eventually gives in and agrees to support him in driving out the sisters. that night, leafpool and squirrelflight have the same dream of kits in danger, and are convinced something is wrong and they need to help moonlight.

sure enough, her kitting is going badly and leafpool immediately goes to help her at the same time the clans are preparing to attack. she finally convinces them to move her and her kits before a fight breaks out. squirrelflight goes to try and stall, and every cat calls her disloyal and brings up how she betrayed brambleclaw in the past. the sisters attack, and squirrelflight desperately tries to convince her clanmates one by one that attacking a mother who has just given birth is wrong; finally, brambleclaw relents. crowfeather is also there (he is the deputy of his clan) and commands his own clan to stop as well, not wanting to hurt leafpool who is with moonlight's newborn kits, backed into a cave.

the rest of the cats begin to attempt to collapse the cave on purpose to flush them out, so the sisters attack them. they change their minds when they hear about the newborn kits, but it's too late. squirrelflight and leafpool manage to get the kits out, but are caught in the collapse.

squirrelflight and leafpool wake up in heaven, where theyre told they arent dead yet but may still die. they greet their passed on family and friends happily. they also see ashfur, but he doesnt go to speak to them. regardless of whether they live or die right now, firestar informs them that all the spirits in heaven want to hold a trial to determine if their "crimes" in life are enough to have them sent to hell. squirrelflight voices her displeasure, but leafpool is just scared.

several notable characters from the series confront leafpool first about all the laws she broke. leafpool claims she gave up everything to continue being a healer, proving her loyalty, and several cats call out the hypocrasy of those holding the trial. some cats agree with her, and leafpool goes on that no matter what, that squirrelflight deserves a place in heaven, because any rules she broke were leafpools fault. squirrelflight claims that any lie she told was to protect someone she cares about, that it was all out of love, but breaks down saying she failed her clan by doing so when they continue questioning her.

squirrelflight and leafpool comfort each other, saying they dont regret any of it and that they will face the verdict together. eventually, the cats holding the trial return and tell them they will both be allowed to stay in heaven, should they die now.

i cannot stress enough that every single character present for this trial broke one law or another, many breaking the same exact laws that they were accusing squirrelflight and leafpool for. no trial like this has ever happened before, and this book takes place between series 6 and 7.

squirrel and leaf spend the day in heaven with their dead family, and it becomes clear that leafpool would feel fulfilled if her life ended here. squirrelflight, however, feels theres so much more she needs to do and is desperate to live. somehow, she returns as a ghost, seeing her family as she lays dying. (please get used to this kind of thing, its going to come up a lot in the next section.) she sees sparkpelt, completely despondent, while other cats take care of her kittens and feels even more anxious that she has to live. she goes to see her own body, sees that jayfeather and alderheart havent left their sides, and she tries to comfort them. brambleclaw is there as well, and he tells them he wishes he had listened to her, or cared more, or that he deserves to be leader, and squirrelflight tries to argue that the clan is more important than she is, even though he cant hear her. (im trying really hard to make this summary impartial, but this scene is literally sickening to read.)

still a ghost, squirrelflight tries to check on the sisters, but the new clan is moving in where they used to be. another ghost tells her that the new clan was sheltering them in their old home, so she goes and sees that moonlight is terribly injured, much like she is, before suddenly being dragged back to her body. she sees that leafpool is dead, and then is dragged back to starclan. (i dont know whats happening either.) she says her final goodbyes to leafpool and her family before returning to life for good.

alive now, she visits sparkpelt, who is still depressed, but feels somewhat better when squirrelflight tells her that she saw her partner and child in heaven, and they wish her well. her and brambleclaw have a similar conversation to what was said when squirrelflight was a ghost, with brambleclaw saying "he couldntve gone on without her" and "her challening him always made him stronger, and he forgot that". she later goes to see the sisters when shes healed, and literally every cat from every clan mourns for leafpool.

(as much as i hate this stupid book leafpools death still made me cry because i had to reread the book to summarize it properly. its at this point i guess ill admit i voted for squirrelflight, but thats only because i relate to her more. i love them equally. i have been writing this for three hours.)

(i now unfortunately have to paraphrase an incredibly convoluted series so please dont think too hard about the details i leave out. this was originally longer so please trust me when i say this was the bare minimum it took to explain it)

brambleclaw falls very ill to a strange sickness no one has seen before. around this same time, no one can talk to god for some reason. a young healer from another clan named shadowsight claims god told him that putting brambleclaw out in the snow will heal the illness. he dies, but then he gets better, but everyone kinda thinks he came back Wrong. they dont question it though, because hes being really aggressive about it.

god comes back to shadowsight and tells him that they wont speak to anyone else because there are so many codebreakers in the clan, including squirrelflight(as well as jayfeather and lionblaze even though they didnt. do anything). he tells the other healers, and the leaders make the codebreakers "atone for their sins" so that god will talk to them again, with brambleclaw feeling very strongly about this. he later feels the need to punish sparkpelt for not bringing home enough food by sending her to a very specific place, where she ends up attacked by dogs and nearly dying. he feels no remose about this.

shadowsight is pretty sure hes not actually talking to god when he is approached by a guy named rootspring who can see and talk to ghosts; he has seen brambleclaws ghost, and tells him whatever spirit is puppeting his body is not him. brambleclaw has been treating squirrelflight very possessively and is generally just more concerned with spending time with her than being clan leader. rootspring tries to tell squirrelflight, who doesnt take a ton of convincing to believe him. she pretends to be normal to try and figure out who bodysnatched brambleclaw. the bodysnatcher attempts to make jayfeather and lionblaze "atone" for breaking the code, but squirrelflight tries to atone in their place, being the one responsible for actually breaking the code, but the bodysnatcher insists she doesnt have to because shes special.

when squirrelflight tries to tell the clan the truth, he physically assaults and exiles her. a couple cats try to stand up for her, but fail. she goes to shadowsight's clan for sanctuary, and shadowsight is sure now that he was tricked by the bodysnatcher and never talked to god at all. he goes to tell the other healers, but fake brambleclaw attempts to murder him.

some other things fake brambleclaw does is exile jayfeather and lionblaze and convince the other leaders to exile their "codebreakers", mothwing being among them. they ALL end up following squirrelflight. squirrelflight has finally realized that the bodysnatcher is ashfur, who's spirit is for whatever reason more powerful than all the others that make up the collective "god". ashfur has become really sad and stressed after exiling squirrelflight, and she decides to fake her death to get him to reveal his plan. unfortunately, this only makes him angry and takes it out on the rest of her family.

some cats think he should be murdered, but squirrelflight refuses as that would also mean killing brambleclaw's body, which his spirit then could not return to. some cats try anyway and fail, and this back and forth goes on for a while, until its literally only squirrelflight who doesnt want to kill brambleclaw's body. also squirrelflight had to trick ashfur into revealing his identity and that he tried to kill shadowsight in front of everyone, and now hes being kept prisoner in shadowsights clan, and he has to take care of him. lionblaze tries to kill ashfur at some point, and shadowsight has to stop him, wanting to respect squirrelflights wishes. he eventually lets ashfur escape when the other leaders come to kill him. squirrelflight meets up with him, and he drags her into hell.

in hell, it turns out that ashfur can mind control all the spirits he has trapped here, including brambleclaw. he forces brambleclaw to attack squirrelflight, but shes able to avoid him. shadowsight attacks ashfur to distract him, and squirrelflight and brambleclaw get away. eventually they both find their way back to the living world. also no one could talk to god because ashfur locked the door.

a bunch of cats go to hell to hunt down ashfur and kill his spirit, and squirrelflight immediately volunteers, but is shot down, as everyone points out that shes suffered enough and this shouldnt be her problem to fix anymore. his spirit dies for real and everything goes back to normal.

however, brambleclaw is very shaken after being bodysnatched and mind controlled in hell, and isnt sure he isnt fit to be leader anymore, leading to squirrelflight stepping up more often. this leads to them having more arguments like they did before. sparkpelts son, nightheart, is an incredibly selfish and unkind cat that both squirrelflight and brambleclaw attempt to guide, but he ends up resenting squirrelflight and leaving their clan. squirrelflight stand by sparkpelt the whole time, but its hard on all of them.

eventually nightheart comes back, and somehow this convinces brambleclaw that he should step down from being leader and let squirrelflight take over. shes a little unsure, but eventually agrees to it.

and that's where we are mercifully freed from this ride as the next book hasnt come out yet. anyway squirrelflight and leafpool are some of the most nuanced and best written characters in this series but proper literary or character analysis isnt really my strong suit at all so i hope the summary speaks enough for itself.

[trapper-faggot]

Have some mental health fun times going on 😬

I kinda go into it sorta in the tags for the love of god please l1k3 if you read it like it's kinda sorta maybe serious and I'm a bit freaked out but don't worry I'm fine I'm safe I'm taking care of myself just gotta kinda vent

[chamomillles]

wait

[komotionlessqueenmm]

One man's trash, is another man's treasure.

(1-4)

Short story # 6

2,355 - Words

Fandom - House of Wax (2005)

Paring - Bo Sinclair X Reader

Summary - The reader finds herself & her 4 month old son stranded in Ambrose. While Bo finds himself enamored with the woman, wanting nothing more than to protect and provide for the two of them.

Warnings - Some dark topics, talk of abusive relationships, eventual blood & death, eventual smut. (I'm not sure what else tbh)

Notes - Italics mean the reader is singing.

Pt. 1 ~ Pt. 2 ~ Pt. 3 ~ Pt. 4

----

"No no no." (Y/n) sighed as her jeep sputtered and died, white smoke bellowing from under the hood. "Please don't do this." (Y/n) muttered under her breath, pulling the jeep off to the side of the dirt road, despite her desire to keep driving. "Damn it." She hissed under her breath when it died completely, flipping the four ways on instinctively. The baby fussed tiredly from the backseat, drawing (Y/n) full attention. "It alright my love." (Y/n) cooed before exiting the driver side, sliding onto the back seat, she comforted the infant. "Sh sh sh you're alright baby." She cooed as she brushed his hair away from his face, kissing his little hands. The baby's cries subsided, and he cooed up at his mother. His wide and bright eyes melting her heart, as he peered up at her. Allowing the child to suckle on her finger, (Y/n) used her free hand to check her cellphone, hoping to call triple A. "Of course." She sighed under her breath, tossing her phone into the front seat, after finding it dead. (Y/n) jumped at the sound of someone knocking on the window, looking to find a man standing there smiling at her.

"Oh you startled me." (Y/n) chuckled when she opened the door, leaving her child in his car seat. "I'm sorry I didn't mean to scare ya." He chuckled with embarrassment. "It's alright, no harm done." (Y/n) brushed it off before offering him her hand. "My names (Y/n)." He shook her hand with a smile. "Lester." He then pointed to the jeep. "Car troubles?" He asked as he let go of her hand. "Yeah I'm not sure what happened to it." (Y/n) sighed as she turned her attention to the jeep. "Mind of I take a look?" He tilted he head a little. "Please do." (Y/n) smiled quickly moving to pop the hood. "Where you headed?" Lester asked as he inspected the engine. "Anywhere." (Y/n) leaned her hip against the side of the jeep. "Running from something?" He asked impulsively. "I'm sorry I shouldn't have asked that." Lester quickly stammered. "It's alright..." (Y/n) cleared her throat. "Someone actually, I'm running from someone." She admitted. "I'd appreciate... I'd appreciate it if you'd forget ever meeting me after this." (Y/n) added. "Well a pretty face like yours would be hard to forget, but don't worry your secret is safe with me." Lester smiled, his honesty making (Y/n) smile. "Thank you Lester." Her appreciation making Lester grin. "You're welcome (Y/n), but I'm afraid I cant do much about your jeep." Lester's smile turned to a apologetic frown. "Are you sure?" She frowned a little when he nodded his head. "Well I appreciate you trying." (Y/n) sighed softly. "I could give you a ride into Ambrose, Bo owns the garage he could help you I'm sure of it." Lester suggested. "Oh I'd really appreciate the help!" (Y/n) beamed her excitement making Lester smile.

"Give me one moment." (Y/n) quickly moved to the other side of the car, unbuckling the car seat, she hulled her baby out of the car. "Oh you've got a little one." Lester observed with slight shock. "I hope that's not a problem." (Y/n) bit her bottom lip nervously. "N-no not at all." Lester stammered. "You need me to grab anything?" He asked. "Could you grab the stroller from the back?" She asked. "Sure thing!" Lester moved to grab the stroller while (Y/n) shouldered the diaper bag. "Let me lay a blanket down in the bed of my truck real quick." Lester explained as he carried the stroller to his truck, (Y/n) nodded her head in understanding as she closed up the back of the jeep, locking the doors before she joined Lester at his truck. "There we go." He murmured to himself as he laid the blanket out, laying the stroller on top of it. "Don't want to stain that up." He explained with a smile, (Y/n) smiled then looked to the cab of the truck. "I think I'll have to hold him in the truck huh?" She observed, sitting the car seat in the tailgate to unbuckle the infant. "I'm afraid so." Lester rubbed the back of his neck a little. "Oh let me get that." He moved to grab the now empty car seat. "Oh it locks into place on the stroller." (Y/n) explained pointing to where the car seat went. "Well ain't that convenient." Lester smiled as he latched the car seat into place. "Yeah it's really nice." (Y/n) agreed with a smile.

They rode in a comfortable silence for about ten minutes, before Lester struck up conversation. "So what's the little guys name?" He asked as he glanced towards the baby, quickly casting his gaze back to the road. "He's names Von." (Y/n) smiled as she lovingly stroked the baby's back. "Dose it mean something?" Lester asked with genuine curiosity. "I got it from old Norse, it means hope." She explained. "That's really cool!" Lester beamed excitedly, making (Y/n) chuckle softly. "If you don't might me asking... Where's Von's pa?" Lester asked after a few minutes. "That's who I'm running from..." (Y/n) admitted, finding it easy to confide in him. "He do something?" Lester asked. "When he found out I was pregnant... He tried to kill me." (Y/n) murmured softly, her words making Lester frown. "A neighbor heard the commotion, and he saved me. My ex went to jail, but he has friends in high places, and was able to get released last month." (Y/n) paused for a moment. "I received full custody of Von after my ex was sentenced, and when he got out I took off." She swallowed thickly, subconsciously touching the scar on her mouth from where her ex had slashed her with a knife. "He's a dangerous man, and I'm terrified that he's going to come after me, to finish what he started." (Y/n)'s confession upset Lester, he wasn't upset with her, but with her ex, a man he didn't even know.

"I'm really sorry to hear that." Lester cleared his throat, swallowing the emotional lump that had formed. "We'll be in Ambrose in a minute." He added. "Ah hell." He sighed at the sight ahead. "I forgot this road washed out last month in a storm." Lester explained as he parked the truck, I gotta flip my hubs into four-wheel." Lester explained, as he opened his door. "Oh I don't want to trouble you any more than I already have." (Y/n) reasoned. "Oh it's no trouble, I'm happy to help a pretty lady and her baby." He offered her a friendly smile, before setting to work. After he had finished his work, Lester hopped back into the truck with a grin. "Now hold on, I'm gonna take it slow but it's still gonna be bumpy." He explained as he put the truck into drive. (Y/n) nodded her head in understanding, cradling Von against her chest firmly, in hopes of not disturbing him to much. True to his word Lester took the drive nice and slow, the truck rocking this way and that as the tires rolled over some of the larger rocks. "Here we are." He murmured as they cleared the ruble, and made it to solid ground again. "Welcome to Ambrose (Y/n)." He smiled at her as he drove onto town, parking outside of the gas station. "Wow this place is really cute." (Y/n) hummed as she looked at all of the rustic buildings. "I'll go see if Bo is in." Lester offered as he hopped out of the truck. (Y/n) had nodded her head exiting the truck herself a moment later, her legs desperately needing to stretch. "Hello my sweet." (Y/n) mused at Von, who cooed up at her, a little drool dribbling down his chin.

"Bo's not in." Lester sighed as he exited the station. "He should be back soon though, he doesn't typically leave the garage empty for very long." He explained. "Well I guess I'll have to wait." (Y/n) smiled softly. "I could wait with you." Lester offered. "Oh no it's alright, I've already taken up so much of your time." (Y/n) declined his offer. "I'm sure I'll be alright, like you said he shouldn't be gone long." She reasoned as she subconsciously began bouncing Von gently. "Alright here let me grab the stroller for ya." Lester smiled as he opened the tailgate, grabbing the stroller he attempted to set it up. "The red leaver on the side, push it, then pull the stroller up. It'll lock into place with a click." (Y/n) explained, pointing to the red leaver. "Got it." Lester chuckled softly as he pulled the stroller up, smiling when it clicked into place. "Thank you Lester, for everything. You've been a real help." (Y/n) sat Von into the stroller, strapping him in before she turned her attention to Lester. "Here I've got some spare cash." (Y/n) quickly pulled her wallet from her back pocket, pulling out the thirty dollars she had. "Oh no I can't take that." Lester shook his head. "Please it's the least I can do." She smiled before taking ahold of his hands, placing the money in his palms. "What about your jeep, how are ya gonna pay for that?" Lester voiced his concern. "I've got some prepaid cards, I'll be alright." (Y/n) assured him, smiling when he finally nodded his head in agreement. "Alright... But if ya ain't got enough have Bo call me, I'll help ya out I promise." Lester smiled when (Y/n) nodded her head in agreement. "Thank you again Lester." She shook his hands before releasing him, waving as he hopped into his truck, and drove off.

(Y/n) sat on the curb outside of the gas station for about thirty minutes, gently rocking the stroller back and forth, letting Von sleep peacefully. "Go tell Aunt Rhody, go tell Aunt Rhody, Go tell Aunt Rhody that the old gray goose is dead." (Y/n) sang the old lullaby. "The one she's been saving to make a feather bed. The old gander's weeping, because his wife is dead." She reached up turning on the small battery operated fan she had attached to the stroller for Von. "The goslings are mourning, because their mother's dead. She died in the mill pond from standing on her head." (Y/n) smiled at the sight of birds flying in the distance. "Go tell Aunt Rhody that the old gray goose is dead." She finished the lullaby, softly humming in her throat the last line, drawing out the lullaby a little longer. "You've got a real pretty voice." A man called out softly, his sudden appearance making (Y/n) freeze up momentarily. "Oh thank you." (Y/n) smiled up at the handsome man, rising to her feet as he tossed his cigarette off to the side. "My names Bo, I own this shop." He introduced himself, offering her his hand. "I'm (Y/n)." She smiled shaking his hand. "Is there something I can help you with?" He asked. "My jeep broke down a few miles down the road, I got a ride from a man named Lester into town. He said you'd be able to fix my jeep for me." (Y/n) explained, idly continuing to rock the stroller back and forth. "I'm sure I can." He smiled. "Do you know what's wrong with it?" He asked as he stuffed his hands in his pockets. "I have no clue." She chuckled softly. "Well can you explain what happened?" Bo asked with a small chuckle of his own. "Uh it made this sputtering kinda sound, like it was running out of gas, but the meter said I still had over half a tank. And white smoke started coming out from under the hood, then as soon as I got the car off to the side of the road the engine died." (Y/n) explained to the best of her memory. "When was the last time you put oil in it?" Bo asked with a small tilt of his head. "Last week." (Y/n) replied quickly. "Has it been giving you problems before today?" He asked. "None." (Y/n) shook her head, not having had any issues with her jeep since before today.

"Hm I have to have my brother tow the truck back here, before I can determine what's wrong." Bo explained. "Of course." (Y/n) nodded her head in understanding. "I'll have to call him from the house, my shops phone has been broken for two weeks now. You can come with me if you'd like, give you a chance to relax somewhere a little more comfortable with your little one there." Bo offered as he glanced to the stroller, a friendly smile on his handsome face. "Yeah sure that would be really nice, thank you." (Y/n) smiled as he nodded her head, following Bo to the house on the hill. "What's his name?" Bo asked as he looked into the stroller at the sleeping toddler. "Von." (Y/n) smiled. "I like that name." Bo admitted with a grin of his own. "Thanks it means hope in old Norse." (Y/n) explained. "Well I like it even more then." Bo's smile widened a little when (Y/n) giggled softly, a notable blush painting her cheeks. "You know you and Lester have been some of the nicest people I've met in a while." (Y/n) admitted. "In my experience some of the nicest people are from rural areas like this." Bo mused, his statement making (Y/n) nod her head in agreement. "Yeah it's nice." She hummed with content as they reached the front porch.

----

Part one is complete!

Let me know what you think!

Oh and let me know if you wanna be tagged in the next parts!

Love ya!

PS this is the lullaby (Y/n) was singing, its called Go Tell Aunt Rhody.

[probably-haven]

after binge reading i have come to a new revelation: I’m not a fan of most Xiaoven fanfics

Don’t get me wrong, I love the ship and its one of my favorite to think about.... but most of the fanfiction for the ship just- doesn’t sit right with me for a number of reasons. 

Disclaimer: these are personal opinions from my own taste and are in no way an attack against any authors out there, because frankly fanfic authors are great and not like i could do better lol. As these are personal opinions, I acknowledge here and now that a number of people disagree and that they are under no obligation to change their opinions in any way as it is not and never will be my intention to tell others what they should be thinking That said- read at your own risk if you want- meh, anyway-

time to share some opinions that have been on my mind lately

The biggest reason.... is how they handle Xiao. And I don’t even mean mischaracterization because Xiao is such a complex and yet simultaneously simple character that as long as you’re somewhere in the range of “Xiao vibes” it’s really hard to write him out of character because of his complexities. What I mean is something that i actually completely agree with as being accurate to his character. In nearly every single fanfic I’ve seen, there is some element of idolization that Xiao has for Venti, or for the sake of reference, Barbatos. He tends to think himself beneath Barbatos and/or indebted to him, whether that be because he’s an archon, because he saved him, or simply because of Xiao’s tendency to dehumanize(yes i see the irony in that word usage) himself.  This by itself isn’t an issue but its often how this trait of his is treated.

Imma just list a few ways I’ve seen this be handled within Xiaoven fics. - It isn’t handled, it’s just there and accepted as a part of who he is in the story - It isn’t handled but his trait is treated as source of humor within the story - Venti(and others) roll with it (finding humor in it, just cant change it, encouraging it, making jokes about it, etc.) - Venti takes advantage of it(whether accidentally or purposely) - it’s actually addressed(by Venti or someone else or the narration- can go a number of ways, but just- even a brief reference to the fact that its not a good mindset fits in here) - savior!Venti(Where venti disagrees with it but the way it’s written gives off “god among mortals” vibes- like he’s just being humble and truly is above him in reality) - its the focus of the story  - not directly addressed but shown to be destructive.  - they chose not to not include this in the story’s characterization of Xiao(just saying that this is valid ahead of time) Theres others but i have a lot already.  Note that I tend to read more ‘serious-toned’(idk if that makes sense) fics so that may skew my perception

Now there’s a few that i have issues with on their own- both instances of it not being handled, Venti(and others) rolling with it, Venti takes advantage of it(purposely(and without good intent)), and savior!Venti. Xiao not only has this trait, but he is unfamiliar with what is normal in relationships or emotions as a result of isolation and inexperience. He is also either not aware of or not concerned with what is considered strictly “healthy.” Combining these makes for a rather dangerous combination and just accepting it as “oh he’s just like that, it’s who he is” or making it out to be something funny- It’s not wrong or bad by any means necessarily, and I could still possibly enjoy it to an extent depending on a series of different factors, but its- not as often.  Even in the case where I do enjoy reading it however, I would still feel uncomfortable sharing it with or recommending it to others because in the first instance it feels like normalizing a destructive and dangerous mindset, and in the second case it does the same while simultaneously making a joke of it. It’s the same deal with Venti or other characters rolling with it, but that’s probably gonna be mentioned later too. Not to say that this is a “wrong” way to handle it, that it makes the fic bad, or that authors even are normalizing anything by doing so, just that in my specific instance- not a fan. 

I’ll get to the others when i talk more about Venti, but for now: It’s the focus of the story. I think I saw like... 2? where the story was like- focused on this and why its a problem which- power to them, address those real world problems like a boss- but also i wouldn’t actively seek it out or anything- like, good job, but doing so just leaves it open neutrally for other factors to decide how good a story i think it is. 

not directly addressed but shown to be destructive. You’d think i wouldn’t like this- but frankly in fanfiction not everyone wants to address every character flaw verbally because it can through off story, narration, dialogue, and general flow to do so. This can be with an event, an action, a dialogue, a mere comment, making it actually fit into the it’s actually addressed category except that its- subtle enough to make its own category. plus i live for show not tell- in everything- its a thing. im- very much a fan of when the fics do this but the subtlety is easy to miss and its not common so- 

It’s actually adressed- doesnt have to be a lot- just mention anywhere or imply anywhere that maybe idolizing someone as a god and savior and being in a relationship with them while having little knowledge of standards, emotions, relationships, or healthy behaviors in general- maybe isnt the smartest idea in the word. (”Call me Venti, not Barbatos” by itself is not enough to fit in this category tho as a note)

-

Now lets talk about Venti...

uh.... those who have followed me for awhile will probably already know this but... I have a lot of opinions on Venti and a pretty- “niche(?)” perception of his characterization that isn’t shared by a lot of others- so I don’t actually read as much Venti fanfic in general as you might expect because I often end up disagreeing with how writers portray him, which again, in no way is their characterization wrong, but- “their perceived truth” conflicts with “my perceived truth” and by extent so does the characterization, though neither is any more correct than the other from an objective point of view, if that makes sense... but anyways now that that’s said, moving on before this becomes a philosophy lecture, as fun as that would be for me.  I’ll try to keep my “perceived truth” out of this for the first bit. 

Venti’s response to this: 

He rolls with it: this depends on the mood of the fanfiction. If they dont put a lot of stress on that trait of Xiao’s it totally fine but if the trait seems to be a major part of Xiao’s character, it seems like normalization once more. (more on this later)

he takes advantage of it purposely: if its an AU or something and Venti’s like a villain(i saw a few) then- villain venti isnt my cup of tea but i have no qualms. If they don’t portray Venti in a negative light while having him take advantage however that’s a bit uncomfortable to read for me because it feels like normalizing taking advantage of that mindset as well as the mindset itself. However, i did see a number of instances of Venti using it as leverage for like- self care- which i definitely have no qualms. Xiao: [insert probably destructive idolizing statement about being indebt] Venti: How bout you pay me back by actually sleeping for once smh or other variations are okay and depending on the vibe are actually a really fun dynamic as long as it doesnt turn into romanticizing or normalizing it, y’know?

Venti accidentally taking advantage of it.... I love angst- and in most of these theres a sense of guilt when he realizes- and i just think thats a lovely way of addressing the dangers of such a mindset for both sides. As long as it doesn’t keep repeating to the point of romanticization its totally cool to read in my eyes(not irl ofc). If Venti never realizes he accidentally took or is taking advantage it feels a bit like normalization, and if he does but just- doesn’t care thats- a rip.

savior!Venti...... i- i hate. the story giving off vibes that Xiao’s mindset is technically correct while Venti oh so humbly tells him to treat him as an equal like the wonderful and charitable person he is.... i just- no. of course thats over dramatizing it- I think the main thing that gives it this vibe is when Venti doesn’t seem either concerned, surprised, uncomfortable, or otherwise have a negative feeling towards Xiao’s mindset. Just- it makes the whole thing weird in my eyes when Venti doesnt really seem to have his own reason to oppose the mindset idk- 

-

fact time!

Venti is the god of freedom. His backstory is freeing Mondstadt from a god’s tyrannical reign. His origin is a windsprite, just another breeze bringing changes for the better. His form is a nameless boy who played an instrument and then died, thus failing at his only dream and only ever accomplishing anything because of the help of others. He slept for a thousand years after the archon war to avoid putting Mond under the rule of yet another tyrannical god. He only even became a god because Andrius chose to let him. He wouldn’t have even had that chance if the nameless bard had survived, he’d remain just another wind while his friend ascended to godhood. Venti sacrifices his own power for his people’s freedom. 

now that I’ve laid out a number of canon facts, time for opinions:

Venti has little to no desire to be seen as a god. He thrives in, comes from, and emphasizes a lack of superiority in quite nearly everything. The first Ragnvindir, who canonically turned his back on Venti after Decarabian’s fall, likely did so because one- he anticipated power would corrupt and Venti would soon become just another tyrannical god, two- he suspected Venti used the nameless bard in an attempt to rise to godhood, or three- idk insert other possibilities to acknowledge again that i could totally be wrong.

Look me in the eyes and tell me Venti wouldnt trade godhood for his friend in an instant. His godhood was only granted to him because his friend died and could easily serve to constantly remind him of what could have been and what he lost. Venti takes no enjoyment from being seen as superior and in my opinion, I feel that it could actually make him largely uncomfortable when his divinity and abilities as an archon get involved-

also self promotion for my favorite posts- check out #archon war era venti if thats interesting to you

so anyway Venti rolling with it or making jokes about it just doesn’t sit right with me.- 

-

Okay! enough talking about that mindset!

idk- i have... a few/lot of other gripes and stuff or just things that kinda throw off the vibe for me but that’s the main one plus my general personal pickiness when it come to Venti fanfics- but this has gotten long enough already- 

idk i just felt like rambling about it and i haven’t done a long post in a while so-

again, I love the ship and its actually one of my favorites- just the fanfic isnt my thing..... that doesn’t mean i don’t still love it and come up with a whole ton of brainrot and ideas on it tho lmao

[ithinkthereforeidread]

the collected poems of todd anderson

christmas day of 1959.

ao3 link here

He knew this day would come. He’s been dreading it, sure, he’d never really enjoyed Christmas much beforehand, his multiple unopened desk sets epitomised such. At his house, fires weren’t warm, hugs were stiff and silence was punctured by the sounds of laughing children in the house next door. It’d always been this way for the Anderson family. Todd grew to accept it.

But this year was supposed to be different.

He was supposed to spend his Christmas at Welton, with all the Dead Poets.

 Usually, the boys would go home to their families for Christmas, but through the efforts of Neil he assembled a complex string of falsities about a gargantuan Latin group project that all the Dead Poets needed to finish.

“Serious business, I care about my education father, why else would have you sent me here?” said Neil over the phone, holding his index finger to his mouth to silence Todd from his chuckling, although all Todd really saw was the wide grin that hid behind it, and the way Neil’s eyes crinkled up all the way, a complete oxymoronic action when Neil was usually on the phone to his father. Todd stifles back laughter and Neil smacks him lightly, only causing him to laugh more.

“Well, that was quicker AND easier than I expected...” Neil states after placing the phone back on it’s cradle and ending the call. “But hey!” Neil squeaks, “We’re all spending Christmas together! The biggest concern was just getting my father to agree, everyone else’s parents seemed fine with it.”

Todd and Neil start to walk, side by side, Neil bumps him playfully. “I’m so glad you told me, Todd.” Neil turns his head and looks towards the shorter boy. “My Christmases at home aren’t that great either, I’ve always wanted to spend them here, but I could never work up the courage to ask my father, ask Charlie, in our first year he almost called up my father himself. It was hilarious, he had to look up at the phone, he was so short.”

“You and Charlie have been friends for ages then?” Todd queries “Oh yeah, we met in our last year of preparatory school, he was a pretty mischievous kid, obviously not much has changed.” Neil laughs, “he was just always so confident and sure of himself… I always wanted to be like that, nothing ever got to him.”

“Has that changed?” Todd’s questions were always short and straight to the point. Startling upfrontness in the most unexpected of moments. It was something Todd was known for.

“Not really… I mean, I try to get him to open up… he just isn’t an emotions type of person, I think?” Neil scratches the back of his head. “During our 9th year he went through something really big and not great, but he didn’t tell me a single word about it. To this day I have no idea wahat happened. I tried asking but it didn’t lead anywhere… all I know is some kid had been expelled but it didn’t look like him and Charlie fought or anything because they spent so much time together ....” Neil trails off.

“You know people stare at us sometimes.” Todd blankly states, an unconscious switch being flicked immediately. “When we’re walking to classes, when we go into our dorm, when we exchange smiles in classes… They bump their friends with their shoulders and snicker under their breaths… Have you noticed that Neil?”

Neil’s walking pace slows slightly, “Uh… no, I-uh I didn’t… Do they think we’re-“ “-Maybe.” Todd interrupts before Neil can say The Word. “Bu-but we aren’t, I mean, you were talking about that girl from-“ “-Yeah! Ginny, from the play, wow, I mean, she’s just great.” “Yeah, I’m sure she is.”

God.

This got awkward.

Nice one Todd.

Did it again.

~~

Ink splatters dried on the paper he cradled so delicately, he stares at the contents once more.

“what wouldn't i give to love myself as feverishly as I love you? what is the opposite of amnesia? that is what you are. sometimes i cant find my way around my memories. i have to take detours… i think you were the best one.

little fragments of joy pepper my vacancy i didn't know that i should want to be hopeful or that being hopeful meant giving up some intrinsic part of me.

last night i had a dream that we were breathing underwater flying high in the sky, arms outstretched, laughing, smiling, hugging, bodies pressed onto one another. it didn’t last long. piece by wretched, fragile piece i throw out every hated qualm of thee your impenetrable stare fixed onto me

i have hoped for love that is beyond you being caught by me or me trying to slip through the cracks. they read me, you, us, with their glacial eyes and think they know but they don't

and it seems neither do we.”

“Wow, Todd. This is so… different. But good! It’s just, I’ve never seen anything like this in our English class, in the poems we’ve studied… I just… wow.” Neil looks up at Todd, eyes so soft, Neil knows how big of a deal this is to Todd. He doesn’t just share his work with anyone.

“I-I’m glad you liked it.” Todd smiles, it’s almost as if he’s had to completely remove himself from himself in order to let Neil observe and compliment this part of him, he takes the page out of Neil’s hands and places it in his book. “What-er, who was it about?” Neil gingerly queries. “I- uh, well.” Todd’s heating up now, he should’ve expected Neil to ask him this question. Dammit. Why was he so stupid for letting him read it. “Well, I-I don’t think you necessarily have to go through something to write a-about it, it-it’s fiction for a reason.”

Neil’s lips downturn slightly, “I guess, but everything that we produce in art- whether that be acting, or poetry writing, painting- whatever… it… subconsciously shows something that you might not necessarily want to show or see, right? Like how Keating got us the other day to choose a poem we liked and recite it… It tells you so much about a person. When Charlie was reading his poem… wasn't all you could think about was how bleak it was?” Neil continues, “The academically and poetically rigorous selection made by Cameron or Knox’s complete devotion and enamoration with the simplest emotion of the human being, love? We hide these parts of ourselves, maybe we view them as flaws and faults of our cognitive machine, but art reveals them all.” Neil delivered a love poem to the class himself. He takes a big breath and lets the words he just spoke sit in the air of their dorm for a while.

“Into the meadows dawn..” Todd clicks his fingers, a vague ritual to jog his memory. “flashes my faun.” Todd recites “O Hunter, snare me his shadow… O Nightingale catch me his strain. Else moonstruck with music and madness, I track him in vain” all they’re doing is staring at each other.

“You- you remembered my poem?” Neil questions. “Yeah- I went to the library after you said it- wanted to see if there was more… Oscar Wilde…” “Yeah.” “I notice them staring now that you mentioned it.” Neil breaks the trajectory of the conversation, “God, they’re all so stupid, it’s as if Judy Garland and President Eisenhower just strutted into the school, arms interlocked!” Todd chuckles. Then more silence.

“Has anything changed, Neil?” “What do you mean?” “Between us. What this is. Our comradely bond, as Keating puts it.” Todd chuckles, “ Our co-dependence, attachment at the hip.”

More silence…

“I-I think…” Neil finally states, “that it was never anything it wasn’t already… perhaps we ignored it, suppressed the feeling… but… it was always there.”

“For me, at least.”

“Yeah. Me too.”

~~~

The wind pierced Todd’s skin in tiny microscopic ways, embedding itself under the protection of his coat and completely evading the rest of his physical form, though perhaps the wind wasn’t the cause of the spine-curdling ache he felt, but simply an additional symptom.

Bells rang, green and red Christmas themed paraphernalia adorned the streets he’d previously been driving through, staring out the window at lights and snow that trickled onto an already naturally bleached layer of the ground. His footprints leave indents and obtain a slippery consistency to the outer sole and toe cap. He treads more carefully.

His hands clutch the leather cover of the journal he is hiding underneath his jacket, minimising any further damage that may soon come its way, finally, through minutes of soul-searching and carefully treading through stones and flowers, he makes his way to Neil.

He looks at him with a certain sense of fragility, his stone head protruding from the ground and covered in snow. Todd wipes some away to see the carvings made into him. His full name. Aged 17. Dutiful son of Tom and Susan Perry.

The newness of it all sends a pang to Todd’s stomach as he looks at the other stones weathered with age and the constant bombardment of the elements. That’ll be Neil one day. Flowers not fresh and carvings unreadable. Forgotten to the world and all its inhabitants, rotting in satin lining and cherry oak wood. Todd stifles back a sob and covers his mouth, forcing himself to get it together for just this moment.

“Merry Christmas Neil.” Todd whispers, the words can barely come out. “You-you’re not here physically but you’re here with me, and Charlie, and-and all the other Dead Poets.” he continues, “though- though Charlie isn’t here technically either. He left. Had to. He’s not graduating, at least he’s not at Welton” Todd looks down, brushes his emerging tears away with his shoulder

“I just wanted to come here and give you your gift, I’ve had it in the making for a while now, you’ve seen some of it already. I wish I could’ve given it to you earlier… if I had known this would happen.” he pulls out the journal, and opens it up.

“Here, I’ll read you some.” Todd, though already cold and miserable, situates himself next to Neil’s cold headstone and leans his head on it, opening the journal's contents to its first page.

“Dear Neil,” Todd’s starts, but adds an offside, “It’s dated on the 7th of a while back, my-my birthday.”

“I hope this book finds you well,” Todd’s breath hitches, “especially considering that I’m probably too anxious to deliver it to you. What you’ll see here is what we spoke about the night we first kissed. About freeing ourselves from any subconscious fear or dichotomous dread of both working with and against the grain or being liked or disliked. The people I look up to the most are inspirationally unpopular. So, here’s a suite of poems by yours truly. Hopefully you’ll find your own meaning and reverence in the words my brain has conjured up, words mostly pertaining to you. Every inch of your being alive has me transfixed and enamoured, and I’m truly gobsmacked on the good deed I must’ve committed to have deserved having you in my life.” Todd’s face is red and stuffy from the cold and his breathing is short and punctured.

“You’re sleeping right near me at this moment, and as a sweaty toothed madman once said. We were together. I forgot the rest. Consider this journal a detachable limb of my own self, something you can always carry around and know that I am with you, always. You can suck the life force, the bone marrow out of the words I have written in here and I would applaud and encourage you to do so. Without you, I have no idea where I’d be right now. I owe you so much Neil, you’ve taught me that sometimes the world can be good. That a person’s smile can brighten an entire room. A performance perfectly acted can be a person’s ultimate achievement and their triumph. You are the word phenomenal incarnate Neil, I hope my words do you some sort of justice.

You deserve the world, Neil. I’m brainstorming ways to give it to you.

With love, Todd.”

——————————————————————————

i hope you guys enjoyed!! its fucking brutal honestly but needed some angst and tragedy in my fictional life to reflect my own.

just a preface that some of the poem todd read's is borrowed from pete wentz old emo livejournal posts because i need to somehow tie my two big interests together and MAN does that man write some gay ass shit. hope your heart doesnt hurt too much <3

creds to @neilscrown on tiktok for posting the headcanon "Todd definitely bought Neil a Christmas present and he never got the chance to give it to him so he would sit in his once shared room and stare at it" it tore my HEART OUT and inspired this rambling

[dragonsareourfuture]

Mello/GN! Reader — Shower Thoughts

I’m reading the death note manga for the first time and I recently got to that part where Mello’s just kinda. Waitin’ outside the shower for Halle bc they cant talk anywhere else without being heard by bugs. I think its really funny but I couldn’t help but imagine that same scene happening with someone with a completely different personality. So have a small thing I wrote about it. Basically the reader likes to be annoying and uses humor to deflect from serious situations. I’m not self-projecting what do you mean.

“So.” You haven’t shut up since Mello pointed the gun to your head. It’s like he’s forced you to spit out an essay of the dumbest shit he’s ever heard and you were giving him material for an ‘A+’. He has no idea if this is your way of panicking during a stressful situation or if you just like to irritate him. He just knows he’s annoyed as all hell and has the power to silence you…but he wouldn’t do that. He needs you to get to Near. Unfortunately. “How was your day?”

His eyes bore into the sink, as if willing the faucet to start up and fill the room with water so he can drown. “Are you fucking kidding me right now?”

“You’re right, you’re right. I guess that wasn’t the best question, huh? Sorry.”

Mello hums. He’s staying as still as he can. It’s not like he thinks that any movement will prompt you to talk again, but that’s what the paranoid part of his brain is telling him. Silence. He just needs a few moments of silence—

“Ah, shit! Soap in my eye! I got—ahhh fuck – I got soap in my eye…”

“Great. Think you can suffer any more quietly?”

“Wow. No sympathy.” You pout, and the tone in your voice is genuinely upset. Most likely because he’s not playing along and not because you’re so offended that he’s being cruel to a poor, soap-blinded person. “Gevanni wouldn’t treat me this way.”

“If he could hear you I’m sure he’d want to blow your brains out, too.”

You bark with laughter. Mello hears a soap bottle fall.

“Aren’t you so cute! I certainly don’t mind if you stay here a little longer, yellow Mello! We could build you a nice lil’ pillow fort in the bathtub.”

Mello’s rubbing his temples, letting out a labored sigh. He is legitimately getting a headache from you. He thought that was just something people claimed happens when they’re being dramatic but he is actually getting a headache. But again, he needs you. And you’ve been an incredible help thus far. Despite your mannerisms and attitude, you’re actually a pretty serious and loyal person when it counts. These are all things Mello tells himself as he’s counting down from one hundred – and old anger management trick that he was forced to learn back at Wammy’s. He has found that it has little effect.

“Hey,” you call, as if bothered by the short bout of silence in the room. “I’m- shit…I’m sorry, okay? I don’t like this situation either. But I guess…I’m trying to make it a little better?”

For once, you let only the patter of water on porcelain fill the room. He can almost hear your breathing, and it sounds calculated. Mello’s headache wains.

“Thanks.” It’s all he can think to say. He knows you mean well, he always has. “I appreciate the effort.”

Your relieved chuckle bounces off the walls. It’s a sound Mello is happy to hear.

“M’glad.” And he can tell you are, as the smile you wear can be heard in your voice. “I’ll be done in a minute, I promise. I just gotta wash my hair so I’ll give you a play by play of what I’m doing so you know just how ‘almost done’ I am.”

“(Name), please don’t—“

“I’m grabbing the conditioner.”

“I swear if you—“

“I’m squeezing some onto my hand.”

Mello can feel his headache creep back into his skull. “I literally have a gun and you’re gonna make me wanna—“

“I’m putting it on my hea-AHH!” your riveting narration is interrupted by a screech when Mello punches the shower curtain right next to your face. “JESUS!”

He goes to tell you off when his eyes flit to the bathroom mirror and his words are caught in his throat. The sight that greets him is different for two different reasons. The first reason makes the second reason even more curious. Firstly, Mello has learned to accept that his face will never look the same again. His eyes wander around his left side, trace the pattern of the scar melded into his flesh like a searing reminder of how he’ll always be stuck where he is, never progressing, never rising above. But the scar has more than mental drawbacks; it also limits the physical movements of his features. Its stiff, like stone has begun to creep over the expanse of his face. So why, then, was he just able to smile so effortlessly without even noticing?

As annoying as you are…you’re the most fun Mello’s had in a while.

“Alright, I’ll stop! I’m sorry!”

“Yeah, Yeah. Just hurry up.”

“Oh right, we’ve gotta deceive my boss in a few.”

Mello snorts at how nonchalantly you say it. “I doubt he isn’t aware of us already.”

“’Us’?”

“That we’ve been conspiring.”

“Oh, right,” you chirp happily, but a tense pause follows. “For a second you made it sound like…”

“Like what?”

“Pshh, I don’t know!” you do know. “Now I’m about to get out so look away or I’ll throw soap in your eyes.” Ah, changing the subject. A classic method of avoiding embarrassment and a tactic you’ve grown so used to using it’s practically an unconscious choice by now.

But luckily, Mello doesn’t seem to want to dwell on it either. He instead focuses on your last sentence, responding by clicking his tongue against his teeth. “We’re both adults here.”

“I know that! I’m concerned that if you get a look at my godly self you won’t be able to control your adultly urges.”

“’Adultly’s not a word.”

You’re able stick your tongue out at him once you pop your head out of the shower, grabbing a towel from the rack.

“Taking the high road, I see.”

“Oh, shush. I never take the high road.” You flick water at Mello as you step out of the shower. “Alrighty. Time to go pretend to be a hostage while you threaten my boss. Oh, clothes first!”

“I’ll be here.”

After sending an affirming thumbs up, you exit the bathroom, a swirl of steam trailing behind you.

He’ll be here…It honestly is a shame he can’t stay here any longer. But it’d be suspicious. Near would find too many connections between the two of you. But…there are ways to avoid that happening.

Mello finds himself seriously considering the bathtub pillow fort idea.

[kim-monsterlings]

Neo - M Minotaur x F Human (Reader)

The pictures do not belong to me. I only created the mood board. Do not repost my work anywhere.

Content: SFW/Orange, angst, thoughts of insecurities, anxiety, hugging, forehead kissing, mention of feeding reader (please let me know if you want anything else added here!)

Wordcount: 1475

Masterlist

Today… today was finally the day you would meet him. Him, the man you thought could be it, the one, and your stomach fluttered at the sheer thought of running into Neo's wide, welcoming arms. Big and blonde and fluffy, voice sweet like sugar, nothing more than time was left hindering your most desperate fantasy. Nothing more than the nausea, gnawing away at the butterflies; the nausea twisting the fantasy into a nightmare, one you had woken from before on restless nights, sick with the fear of losing the first real- you were hesitant to say love, to confess that the rush of your heart could be that, but nothing else had the power to weaken you like this.

Today marked six months from matching with Neo online. Something you tried only from boredom, exhausted of your town and the loneliness of your too-big flat, and Neo had been your first match. To think you nearly ruined it, intimidated enough by his first message - hi, beautiful x - and you could have missed the late night calls, the morning texts - i had a dream again. you were here, with me  - and the care packages he sent when you were ill. The jumper smelling of him had stayed by your pillows since.

The first night he asked to video call, all excuses fell silent at the tip of your tongue. Neo's gentle laugh on the phone twisted your heart, the following whisper softer than he had ever spoken before. "Would you be happier if you saw me first? Whatever I can do for you," he'd whispered. "I'll do it."

Beard scruffy, bundled in a fluffy, brown dressing gown, the minotaur spoke as he would any other night, but you could see his nervous twitches – fingertips rising to scratch the base of his short horns, eyes fluttering low with each smile he flushed with. When he whispered your name so gently, his head canted and expression unmistakably tender, your resolve crumbled and two days later, you answered the call with your camera on. Neo began to talk, only to soften back into his pillows. Nobody had ever looked at you like that before; lips bitten against a barely silenced sigh and a warmth in his bright eyes, a sheen to them. He reached out, his fingers following where you blushed on the screen. "Hi, beautiful."

“Hi.”

"Hi," he grinned, and your conversation lasted until somehow, you both fell asleep. It had been the deepest, calmest sleep of your life, until your name passed the minotaur’s lips on a whisper. Even asleep, he found a way to tighten the vice creeping around your heart. The whisper was your secret and your comfort now against the nerves beginning to crush you.

Online, you could duck away. Online, you could say you had to go, that you had somewhere to be. Online was different, where there was a real connection, one neither of you could guarantee once you stepped into the café. Already late, minutes ticking, blood rushing in your ears, somehow you unlocked your phone, the ringing tightening your throat in the passing seconds.

"I can't do this."

Had he been in range of the window, one glimpse over his shoulder would find you weakening back into the shadows. The very same heartache in your chest sounded in his catching breath.

Here, you could lose him.

"I'll pay you for whatever coffee you've bought, and the train tickets and-"

"Coffee? Love," his voice soothed every nerve in your body, until, "I'm not in the café."

The call ended with your eyes scrunched tight. Awareness prickled your nape, teased goosebumps across your arms, and a gentle brush of knuckles against your back drew a tremor to your knees.

Softer still, a kiss pressed to your crown. "I've never seen someone so beautiful in sunlight. Your hair smells of fruits," Neo whispered, sighing against you. His strong chest nudged closer as he tucked his hand across your waist, lifting a bunch of tulips, soft reds and whites. Just his hand alone seemed so big, so large when you carefully reached for the flowers, with Neo bringing his thumb to your knuckles. "Can't do this, hm? Tell me why, love."

"I'm scared."

"Of?"

The lightest touch of his palm stroked across your hip. Neo tucked you into his chest, where the strength in his body dwarfed you, wide thighs against yours and broad chest to your top. Tufts of bright fur tickled your bare skin where he bowed closer to whisper your name, a prompt, pinching your waist.

"You ambushed me."

He had to decency at least to speak softer, though his short laugh couldn’t be hidden with him flush to you. "I did. I am sorry for it, but," he let the sentence hang, each of you painfully aware that while he misled you, he hadn't been wrong that you would hesitate and try to run. "You're scared I'll leave once we meet. We've met now, love, see? Doesn't it feel good to hear my voice, to feel me?"

Soft petals ran between your fingers. "Thank you for the flowers."

Neo grunted and nosed your crown. "If we find ourselves without a connection, we will be friends, still. I'm going nowhere."

"Close your eyes."

His tracing fingertips stilled, and he swallowed, loud. "Hold my hand."

Flowers curled tight, you turned and squeezed against his palm. Neo's hand curled around yours, darker hair thick on his arm but his palm was smooth and warm against yours. Though he heard your breath rushing from your body, his ears twitching, he only scuffed his boots and held his eyes tight shut.

No photo did him justice. He had called you beautiful, but he was ethereal, sunlight brightening his fluff to look almost golden. Two, little stubs curled back from his temples, one with a bar through the curling tip. Not a word formed as you ran your eyes lower, selfishly taking your time to watch his tail tap to his thigh. He was pure muscle, his clothes straining, and your body warmed at the thought of how beautiful he would be under them, too.

Neo's fingers twitching through yours snatched you from your thoughts. "It's not," he coughed quietly, drawing your hand against his strong stomach. "It's not me, scaring you? I'm bigger in real life than on a laptop, but I," his bushy eyebrows furrowed while he sought a deeper breath. "I'd only want to hold you. I wouldn't hurt you."

"I know."

"You do?" Reaching for him brought you to your toes. His hand splayed across your body from rib to hip, and he tugged you a little closer, enough for him to breathe deep and smile, whispering, "fruits."

From running your fingertips along his soft cheek, your whimper came when he leaned into your palm. Neo blinked down, already mid-sentence and concerned, to suddenly stiffen. In that half a second, the world ceased to move at all. Your heart nearly gave out in the moment it took for him to bite at his cheek and grip you tighter.

"Hi, beautiful. How do you feel?"

"Warm."

Neo's eyes shone. His arm curled across your back and raised you almost from the ground for him to press his lips to your forehead. "Warm in my heart," he mumbled. "Don't be mad. I made us a picnic. But before you-before you accuse me of not trusting you - I do," he rushed out, and rested his forehead to yours. His scruffy beard tickled you as he spoke slower, eyes focused on where you were fighting back a growing smile. "I have a jumper for you as consolation. Or a bribe. Just… I want to spend the day with you."

The smile broke through. “Okay.”

"I- okay?"

With all the strength you could muster, your fingers bunched his shirt and pulled him down. Just by his lips, you kissed him, whispering, "but you owe me two jumpers. Do you have chocolate-"

"Chocolate strawberries, yes. I want to feed you them," he teased, and his low laugh tightened your navel, flipping until you felt almost weightless leaning into him. Neo drew a loose curl from your cheek to tuck behind your ear. "I can't speak for you, love, but I'm not worrying about chemistry anymore. Never was. Let me treat you to chocolate and champagne."

"You brought champagne?"

Neo's thick ears tucked back, and he mumbled nonsense, straightening once again, lips skimming your temple as he rose. "It's a special occasion."

Tucked into his side, your cheek to his chest, the pace of his heart outdid even yours. Neo drew in a deep breath, whispering again – “you're so beautiful, love” - before curling you into his lap at the park, feeding you chocolate strawberries. He was right; there was nothing to worry about.

Hi! Hope you like my fluffy minotaur. There is a possible NSFW to follow this. I think my sweet timid reader deserves some loving. Let me know your thoughts!!