#idk its validating cause why am i having trauma responses talking about hypothetical mental health shit like i cant make up racing heart | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

trapper-faggot · 3 years ago

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Have some mental health fun times going on 😬

I kinda go into it sorta in the tags for the love of god please l1k3 if you read it like it's kinda sorta maybe serious and I'm a bit freaked out but don't worry I'm fine I'm safe I'm taking care of myself just gotta kinda vent

#feel like i literally am not allowed to say whats going on but its some flavor of dissociative bullshit #i will just say: unintentionally created an hour and a half long video where i talk about this potential shit and i think i was digging #i dont fully remember what i said i talked a lot and said a lot of shit that i feel like i cant say anywhere else #but i know i sure did get really dizzy/sick feeling/super super shakey with my heart racing talking about shit #and like wtf that just makes the situation more concerning #idk its validating cause why am i having trauma responses talking about hypothetical mental health shit like i cant make up racing heart #but also like....aaaaaajxjjdjsjdjsjakxkdkmakskxmxnxnsnsnsnnsmdkdkskskskakfhdjjd #lets say hypothetically something is going on here someone lets call them scout showed up and started digging and trying to document shit #which i guess is helpful but also is like pretty damning i dont remember everything that was said but i cant tell myself it didnt happen #cause.... ok what i know is im 100% sober but basically grayed out and talked and dug into shit for over an hour #and ive made myself very shaky and dizzy which if this shit isnt happening why am i this shaky and dizzy #could be my meds but my meds dont make me change personalities (???) and say a bunch of shit that doesnt fully make sense to me now #and typing this out is making me feel like im gonna throw up like wtf #anyway stuff is happening and tomorrow morning dear god i need to make a therapy appointment #and i need to look into someone that works with dissociative shit #cause like....even if the shit im suspecting isnt happening ive had issues of dissociation/derealization/depersonalization since i was #a kid and its been causing me a lot of issues #and my past therapist really wasnt equipped for me being like "i barely remember what i did today my brain is tv static and this body isnt #mine' like she just couldnt help #but repressing this shit hoping im faking it and it will go away isnt working which what the fuck if im faking it why isnt it going away

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