#Can't remember if i responded or not but i do remember pissing my pants

[aessedia87]

MDNI, thigh riding, edging.

“That’s no’ when it happened,” John chides, knocking his boyfriend in the shoulder, the man glowering at him from beneath his balaclava.

“Ye numpty, you really don’t remember our first kiss?”

“I remember it just fine,” Simon responds, an exaggerated eye roll as they move down the hallway toward the briefing room, their boots sounding loudly on the linoleum as they walk in sync. “It’s you that seems to be forgetting the first time it happened.”

“Oi, Simon Riley I have the fucking memory of an elephant, ye weapon. Don’t be accusing me.”

Simon scoffs, leaning over to ruffle John's mohawk, the man squawking in protest. “Don’t elephants like peanuts? That’s likely the size of your brain, MacTavish."

John barks in laughter, gripping the man by the lapels of his jacket, Simon grumbling in protest as John steers him into an empty alcove, backing his Lieutenant against the wall. “It was like this, remember? You were right pissed at me —”

“Probably because you did something stupid —”

“Oi!” John complains, smacking the man on the arm. “I don’t remember asking for that decrepit memory of yers.”

"Decrepit?" Simon hums, hands coming out to grab John by the waist, pulling him closer, a hiss through clenched teeth when his Sergeant presses against Simon's slowly hardening cock.

"Oh," John growls, voice low in approval. "Is my Lieutenant getting off at being pushed around?"

"You fucking wish," Simon grumbles in return, and before John can protest, Simon is moving, those lightning fast reflexes pinning John to the wall, a knee shoved between the man's spread thighs. "I'm just reminding you of our first kiss, isn't that right, Johnny?"

"So you do remember?" John rumbles, a low groan as Simon rubs the top of his knee against the seam of John's trousers.

"Not thinking clearly are you, sweet'eart?" Simon murmurs, gripping the man's hand to pin it against the wall. "And since your mouthy little ass had so much to say, we are going to go to this meeting and you are going to behave."

John licks his lips. "That's all then? I got off easy."

"Oh no, sweet'eart," Simon purrs, lifting up the bottom of his balaclava, lips the barest touch against John's own. "You're not going to get off at all."

John whines, a breathy plea, a rock of his hips, cock hard against Simon's thigh. "Simon —"

"Like I said," Simon murmurs, a thumb pressing down against John's lower lip. "You are going to fucking behave. And then after this meeting, I am going to take you back to my room and fuck you, do you understand me?"

A thick swallow. "Yes."

"Yes, what?"

"Sir," John pants, Simon pressing his knee forward, the friction against John's cock causing his head to spin. "That's my good fucking boy." Another rock of Simon's thigh, John feeling that low heat simmer in his stomach, already so fucking close.

"You want to come, don't you sweet thing?" John nods his head, fingers gripping tightly to Simon's jacket, sweat beading on his brow. "Please, sir."

Simon leans down, the sharp press of teeth at John's ear. "So fucking pretty when you beg." Another rock, and John lets out a low moan, spine arching off the wall —

"I see you didn't quite hear me, did you?" Simon removes his thigh, John damn near crying out, Simon licking the sound from John's parted lips.

"I didn't give you permission, did I?"

"And when," John pants, cock pulsating with need. "Do I get permission, sir?"

"Mm," Simon murmurs, a thumb swiping away the wetness that's pooled in the corner of John's eyes from Simon's blatant denial. "When you remember how our first kiss *really* went down, you forgetful little twat."

______________________________

Simon edging Johnny three times in a row later that night because they *did* share their first sober kiss against a wall. But Simon was talking about their REAL first kiss, and that's when they were both sloshed together and playing UNO. Can't say Simon isn't romantic. ;)

[webslingingslasher]

https://www.tumblr.com/webslingingslasher/721605644038389760/pregnancy-scare-with-fratpeter-what-would-he-do?source=share

Is there ever a pregnancy scare after they're in the girlfriend phase?

*cleaning out my drafts. mentions of pregnancy and a slight suggestion of abortion.*

you groan at the gentle shake you're receiving and you shrug it off while half awake. you're unbelievably tired and the small window of rest you got wasn't enough.

'trouble? c'mon, get up.' peter's hand comes down rough on your backside, you whine and roll over. 'but i'm sleepy-eepy.' the warmth of peter's bed is ripped away from you, he's holding the blanket in his hands.

'now i'm cold.' and while it's not peter's fault and he's only doing what you asked, you feel a little frustrated at the knowledge of not being able to go back to sleep.

'if you get up now, i'll shower with you. ten, nine, eight, seven... that's my girl, super proud of you.'

you might've woken up grouchy, but peter set your mood right in the shower and now you keep giving his arm little kisses. 'my handsome man.' peter speaks into your hairline, 'it's just a white shirt, you heathen.'

you softly dig your teeth into the thick of his bicep while his aunt has her back turned mixing up a side salad. you pull back without a trace and talk into his skin. 'and my man looks so yummy in it.'

'see? that nap energized you more than you thought.'

'that or your precious mouth and nice way you use it on me.' peter gives you a charming smile. 'you're on a roll tonight, trouble.' you wrap your arms around his and give a final mark, it's time to be a smidge respectful in his childhood home.

peter breaks away to refill your wine glass and top may's off. you thank him with a small kiss, may thanks him by asking him to grab rolls from the oven.

---

there's a positive pregnancy test in your shaking hands. each time you blink it becomes more and more clear, you clutch your stomach as if you already had a month nine belly.

'fuck.'

what are you supposed to do?

tears fall fast, they hit your palms and positive test before you look around the bathroom. why are you alone? where's peter? you think of your boyfriend, you think of how royally fucked this makes things.

call it selfish but you wanted peter all to yourself for a few years and now you're jumping forward a hundred steps. 'fuck.' this isn't fair to either of you, you don't have it figured out yet.

you stare at the test one more time, you need to be sure. you close your eyes and count to ten, no matter how many times you try, the answer doesn't change.

'holy fucking shit, i'm-'

about to piss your pants. you fly up from the bed lightning fast, hightailing it to peter's bathroom before holding your head in your hands. you're drowsy and reminding yourself it was just a dream, but it felt so real.

but, no, just a dream. it's a dream because you're not pregnant. you just had your period... you just had it... it's only been... your stomach drops, why can't you remember? in four seconds you are wide, wide awake and you're going for your phone on peter's nightstand.

it's three in the morning and you haven't had a period in at least five weeks.

'peter, get up.' you're not soft spoken or gentle, you're full of terror and he's about to be too. you push at his arm roughly, it stirs him just enough you could break through the sleep.

'peter, get up right now.' a slow whine, you're not playing and his stubbornness is about to have you wake up the entire apartment complex. 'get the fuck up, peter.'

you're mean but it's the only thing stopping you from going full blown psycho and curling into a screaming, crying ball on his floor.

'peter,' you rush out his name one more time, this time he responds.

'what’s go-‘

'i think i'm pregnant and i'm about to freak the fuck out and i really, really need you to keep me from doing that right now.' it hits all at once, you try to breathe but you can't. it's peter's turn to fly up from the bed, he only goes as far as he needs to wrap you in a tight hug.

'trouble,' the name makes you sob, you really are trouble. 'shh, you're okay, we're okay.' it's not fair of peter to hold you calmly as if he's not scared shitless himself. 'we're so fucked, peter. i ruined everything.'

your mind is spinning and your boyfriend is keeping you grounded. 'nothing is ruined, nothing is fucked. we're okay, i promise we're okay.' no, peter's not thinking how you are. he doesn't understand what you just did to you both.

'i did, i really, really did. we just graduated, we don't live together, you're still waiting for that research position to open and my boyfriend slash baby daddy is going to die because he's also spider-man.'

it's all ruined. you don't even know what you ruined and that's the worse part, you ended it before it started.

'hey, trouble. one thing at a time, okay? we have time to figure it out if we need to. do we need to go get a test?' you nod, the idea of your dream turning into reality makes you want to sob.

'speaking of dying, i killed the last three plants ethan gave me. so, how nice is that? a dead dad and a mom who kills.' peter hugs you tighter, he wants to push all your suffering into him right now. you go one further, this is the final nail in the coffin.

'what if i'm not ready to be a mom?'

'we have time to figure-' he doesn't understand. 'no, what if i'm not ready to be a mom?' a soft kiss on your forehead tells you he read between the lines, it also tells you he doesn't resent you for the idea.

'i'm here for you, okay? i'm here for whatever decision you make and we'll figure it out together. we're a team. and i promise you, trouble, i'm not dying. kid or no kid, i won't let spider-man be the thing that does me in.'

you want this with peter, you really do. just... not now. a baby this young was never in the cards, you feel like you shouldn't be in this position but you played stupid games and won an unexpected prize.

'fuck. peter, i really think i might be pregnant.'

peter's being a strong front because you need it but he's just as unprepared as you are. 'have you been feeling sick?' you shake your head, you've felt normal until this very moment.

'i had i dream i was staring at a positive test and it felt so real that it woke me up and then i couldn't remember the last time i had my period so i looked at my phone and we're charting into week five.'

peter almost lets a curse slip, he contains it for you. 'okay, we're okay. i promise we're okay, we just need to make sure if you're pregnant or not. can you wait until morning or do we need to go now?'

peter using 'you' and 'pregnant' in the same sentence makes you want to throw up and you can't blame it on potential morning sickness. you're disgusted in yourself. this wasn't the timeline.

you couldn't last another few hours in this state, you'd go mad in record timing. 'now. right now.' in under a minute peter is stuffing a hoodie over your head and a shirt over his. you feel yourself on the verge of a breakdown but peter's outstretched hand tells you he's here for it.

---

'what if you resent me in like...' peter's already shaking his head, you can't put a date on it, what if it's now? 'wait, is it already happening? do you hate me?'

peter stops with you outside of the bodega right up the road from his apartment, he had been listening to your spiral the entire time with a calm demeanor.

'stop. i know this wasn't the plan and i know this isn't what we wanted right now but i don't want you thinking i could ever hate you or blame you for this. i wish i could make you feel better about this, trouble. i love you, i love you more than i have ever loved anything. i love you more than i thought was possible. i love you more than any song or book or movie could ever describe. and guess what? i'd love our kid just the same. shit, maybe even more cause you gave me one.'

is it hormones or is it because that's the best thing he could've ever told you at this moment? you crush him in a hug, he's a little surprised but holds you just the same. 'thank you.' for the first time since you woke up, you're able to breathe.

peter doesn't say you're welcome because you don't have anything to thank him for. he's doing what he'd do if this was however many years in the future and when it was a bit more planned. 'i didn't bring my wallet.'

peter scoffs, 'you think i'd make you pay for this?'

'i already feel like a burden.'

'trouble.' you bite your tongue, if peter can be nice enough to hold a poker face, you can stop telling yourself he secretly hates you. you need an answer and it lies inside the shop in a little box.

peter's holding the test, you couldn't bring yourself to touch it. you're standing in front of the refrigerator section staring at the drink selection, more than half focused on your reflection instead. peter catches on and taps your hand, you blink awake and look at three different cans before your brain hurts.

'what should i get?'

'whatever you want, trouble.'

'i can't think.' you can't. it's either total silence and dissociation or racing thoughts, you don't know peace anymore. if you're carrying his child, peter can pick a drink for you.

'hm. are you in the mood for something flavored?'

sweet. sugary. something to coat your mouth with a lasting aftertaste even if the news you were about to receive was on the bitter side.

'yeah.' peter nixes the three shelfs of water. 'carbonated or not?' too much of a choice, you shrug half-heartedly. 'i don't know.' peter looks behind him, a different choice entirely.

when's the last time you had an icee?

you don't notice peter walk off, you slipped back into staring at yourself in a baggy hoodie. if you jumped forward six months, how tight would it be?

peter grabs a small cup, looks at the clear-blue box in his hand and grabs a large one instead. a mixture of cherry and coke, it's nearly freezing his hand. it's going to be enough to keep your mind in the land of the living.

you find peter, lean against his back and close your eyes, he makes small movements and allows you to rest your weight on him. you're tired. mentally and emotionally. 'trouble?' you perk up again, peter halfway turns to hand over a frozen drink big enough for four.

'a slushie?' you give it a taste, you sip it down until your throat burns. 'heck yeah. and look at that, you love it.' he's not wrong. you can't remember the last time you had one and this somehow just made things a little better.

'it's making me feel better.'

'see? everyone needs some sugar now and then.'

---

for someone who made peter get out of bed at three in the morning and force him down to the corner store for a pregnancy test, you sure can't stomach the idea of taking it.

if it's a no, it'll be the biggest breath of fresh air you've ever had. if it's a yes, you and peter's life is about to forever change and you don't think you're ready for that yet.

you might not get peter to yourself for a few years, but you have him tonight and that's comfort enough. 'ready?' you intertwine your fingers with peter as he asks and pulls you out the front door. it's a quiet walk back sharing your cup of sugar before you silently creep back inside his aunt's apartment.

'ready to pee?'

you shake your head, peter offers his laptop up. ten minutes into a show, you have to go. fifteen minutes, it's pressing. twenty and you're about to burst.

you're not ready for the answer.

you'd be a bad mom.

'i drank wine tonight, peter. that's so bad, i'm such a bad person.'

'you're not a bad person, trouble. guess what? no one knows they're pregnant until they know. it's not your fault you kept living life how you normally do.'

you might've fucked things up but you chose the best person to do it with.

'i have to pee.' for just a teeny, tiny second- peter's guard faults. he's just as scared of the results, it fills you with solace. you're not the only one here who doesn't want this, even if he won't tell you so.

'want me to come with?'

you shake your head and don't even look at the box when you swipe it from his desk. your hand shakes as you tear the blue plastic, it's dawned on you that this is the first time you've ever taken one. you never thought you’d be here.

you hold your eyes closed while you do it as if the results would show immediately. you snap the cap back into place and hide it behind you. starting a five minute timer, you wait on the answer to the future.

poking your head out from his bathroom you clear your throat. 'counting down.'

'how are you feeling? still doing okay?' you nod, you're really thankful he has your back tonight. it's nice to know that when you're truly falling apart, he's your backbone.

'i love you.'

'i love you too, sweetheart.'

you've been so good and so brave this whole time, you haven't cried once. but that just broke you and you can't place why. you try to will away the sting in your eyes, it doesn't work.

a broken whimper and you can't hold it in anymore.

you fall apart and before you could collapse to the floor, peter's tucking you into his chest and kissing your head. 'shh, you're okay. i promise you're okay, you have me. you'll always have me.'

'promise?'

'i promise, trouble. don't you remember? i couldn't let you go if i tried.'

'i know you said to stop but i'm really sorry and i need you to know that.' peter feels his heart break, he must've done something wrong at some point to make you think he could ever be upset at you for this.

but peter thinks you need him to accept it. 'it's okay. i know you're sorry and it's okay.' you relax and exhale into him, you stop your tears because crying is useless and it's only making you feel worse.

'i'm being so annoying, aren't i?'

'not in the slightest, do you see how long it took you to cry?'

you sniff and wipe away any stray tears before giving peter a pathetic pucker. 'kiss, please.' you're granted the slow and soft kind, the one that is just pure care and adoration.

'will you promise to keep having sex with me if i'm pregnant?'

peter can't hold in his laugh, you hear yourself and giggle with him. 'i promise, trouble. you can get it anytime. i mean, you already do, but with my baby in you- you'll get absolutely anything you want, whenever you want.'

'even if i want cheetos at two in the morning?' peter thinks that's light work, he graces your cheek with a kiss of the same kind. 'especially then.' it's not always rainbows and butterflies. 'what about when my belly pops, my hormones hit the ceiling, my feet are swollen, i'm hot all the time, and i just constantly scream at you?'

'you wouldn't do that.' well, you're not planning on it but you have no idea what effects this will have on you. 'but if you did, i'd take it in stride. if i was carrying around twenty pounds that made me constantly want to piss my pants, i'd be grumpy too.'

'we're gonna be so tired.'

'we already are.'

you chew on your bottom lip for a moment. 'what if i get stretch marks?'

'from growing my kid? couldn't think of anything sexier, trouble.'

it's not what was planned, but if this is how it'll be, you'll be okay. peter was right, you would figure it out. together.

'you have an answer for everything.'

'that's why you love me so much. you needed to find someone who could keep up with you.'

'and oh boy can you keep up and catch me.'

you match his smile, you feel good. you feel like things aren't so ruined now. 'it's my favorite thing to do.' you scrunch your nose up at him before giving a small jump to your alarm tone.

you end the timer. 'oh god.' that.

'don't undo what we just did. no more panic, we're okay with this, right? if it's a yes, we're doing this?'

it's terrifying to think you could be a parent in under a year but something tells you that you'll be just fine with peter by your side. 'yeah, we're doing this.'

peter nods towards his bathroom door, 'ready?'

for the first time tonight, you feel confident. 'yes.' you back up for the results, wrapping your palm around the middle until you're next to peter again.

you both take a deep breath and you finally get to see the answer.

peter exhales out, 'holy shit.'

your shoulders slump when you mutter out, 'thank god.'

'holy fuck, i thought my stomach was about to come out of my ass for a second. don't get me wrong if it was-'

'i was right there with you, petey. we could've figured it out but thank god we don't have to.' you hold a hand over your heart and feel calm wash over you. 'are we bad people for being happy about this?'

peter shakes his head. 'no, not at all. we're not ready for that yet, but now we know we could be.'

you think you're speaking for the both of you and you think it needs to be said. 'to be clear, we do want kids, just later down the road. and this was just a little scare but now that we know we don't want any right now, we should be a little more careful about how we do things, right?'

'a hundred percent, trouble. you said it before i could.'

'good.' you take another peek at the test, double confirmation. 'now can you please feed me? i'm famished.'

even if you weren't pregnant, peter would do anything for you.

'anything my baby wants, she gets.'

[maddie-dog-story-blog]

New You Gym - 19

PREVIOUS CHAPTER

Michael watched Kylee as her short frame waddled in front of him, large infantile diaper sagging wetly between her legs. Michael wondered to himself whether she even knew her diaper was wet.

As Michael's eyes lingered on his wife's padded ass, he could feel his member growing, making his pants tighter. Michael knew he should be concerned for his wife and maybe even disgusted by the fact that she can't keep her pants dry. However, Michael could feel a new fantasy being awaken in him.

Imagining Kylee humiliated, diapered, and treated like nothing more than a un-potty-trained toddler made him feel more aroused then he could ever remember.

However, as Kylee turned the corner towards their bedroom, Michael tried to shake off his feelings. He knew that Kylee had to be mortified by the situation, and that it was his job as her husband to support her through the struggle.

Readjusting the new pink gym bag Emily had handed him, he put on as supportive face as he could muster, suppressed his growing arousal as best he could, and followed Kylee into their bedroom.

As Michael walked in, he saw Kylee standing, legs spread, inspecting her diaper closely with both hands. As Michael looked at her, he noticed tears starting to form in her eyes.

"I… I'm… I mean… It… The diaper… It's wet?" Kylee said, turning to Michael confused.

When Kylee went to untape her diaper, she noticed for the first time that she had wet herself sometime during her trip home from the gym. The fact she was unaware she had pissed herself scared her almost more than the fact that her husband was seeing her in a wet diaper.

Michael walked up to Kylee and embraced her in a hug.

"Yeah, baby, it looks like you had another little accident today. But, I'm sure it was just from the stress of the gym. Do you want me to help you get out of… um… that?" Michael said, gesturing vaguely towards Kylee's diaper.

Kylee wanted to say no. She wanted to run away and hide in shame. She wanted to be anywhere else but here, with the man she loved, dressed like this.

But, she also wanted his attention. She craved experiencing that close, vulnerable feeling she had when Julie had changed her diaper earlier that day, with Michael. She also knew that if things kept progressing as Julie told her they would, it wouldn't be long until this was going to be a more common occurrence.

So, with her mind made up, Kylee's cheeks turned red as she answered her husband. "Yes, please," she said.

"Alright, sweetheart, why don't you lay on the floor. Do we have any wipes anywhere?" Michael asked.

Kylee blushed again. "I think you'll find everything you need in my new… uh… gym bag."

Michael grabbed the bag and looked in. It was now his turn to blush.

The pink satchel clearly wasn't the gym bag of an adult. The only thing it could be reasonably described as was a diaper bag.

Despite the warning he'd received from Emily, Michael hadn't really put together that Kylee would be required to wear diapers to the gym for the foreseeable future. The idea of his wife being forced to continue to wear diapers caused his penis to swell again.

"Oh, wow! They really, uh, set you up here," Michael said, grabbing the wipes from his wife's diaper bag while trying to hide his growing erection, "I know Emily said you'd need protection for the gym, but they really set you up with a lot of dia… I mean… protective underwear."

Kylee turned her head to the side, looking away in embarrassment.

"It's okay. Call them what they are… they're diapers," Kylee responded, trying to bravely face her predicament, "How can I call this wet thing wrapped around my ass anything else?"

"Should I grab out another one… uh… diaper? Or, do you think you can keep your panties dry?" Michael asked hesitantly.

Kylee glared at Michael, her embarrassment overtaken by her indignation.

"Can I keep my panties dry? Of course I can! I'm not a child!" Kylee growled.

Michael raised his hands defensively, then gestured towards Kylee's wet groin.

"I mean, it seems like a fair question, given the circumstances," Michael said, a little more confidence shining through in his tone, "I am not the one lying on the floor, waiting for my husband to change me out of a wet diaper."

"Fine! If you're going to act like this, I don't need your help!" Kylee said starting to sit up, face scrunched in disgust as she felt the wet padding surrounding her crotch squelch as she shifted her weight.

Michael, wipes in hand, kneeled down next to Kylee, placed a hand on her shoulder and gently pushed her back down.

"Oh, hush! No need to throw a tantrum. Lay down so I can get you out of that wet thing then you can put your panties back on," Michael said, his assertiveness growing along with erection.

Being given this excuse to baby his wife really turned him on.

Kylee complied with his direction. As she laid down, she also found that, despite her embarrassment and anger at her situation, she was also being turned on by the "Daddy" energy her husband was starting to exhude.

"Fine," Kylee said as she laid back down with an exaggerated huff.

"Good girl," Michael responded.

Those words sent a shiver through Kylee's pussy.

Michael patted Kylee's diapered crotch twice and stated, "Let's do this."

Michael carefully ripped open the tapes of Kyle's diaper and pulled the front of the diaper open. The smell of ammonia and rash cream quickly hit his nose, causing him to briefly scrunch his face in disgust before continuing on. What he saw when he opened the diaper though, he wasn't expecting.

"Kylee! Your skin is so red and angry down here? What's going on? Is this what's causing your sudden accidents? Do we need to see a doctor?" Michael asked, staring at the diaper rash covering his wife's most intimate areas but too inexperienced in diapering to know what he was looking at.

A fresh wave of embarrassment pulsed through Kylee, who suddenly remembered the diaper rash she had from her earlier, poopy diaper. Julie's cream really worked wonders on her discomfort, Kylee thought to herself.

"No, it's, it's not causing my accidents," Kylee said, quietly. "I, I fell asleep in a diaper earlier at the gym and woke up with a… uh… rash because of it."

"A diaper rash? Seriously, Kylee?" Michael guffawed. "Let's check your bag. Ah, here it is, some rash cream," Michael said, pulling out some diaper rash cream from Kyle's gym bag. "Are you sure you don't need another diaper? How many times have you wet yourself today?"

Kylee looked up at Michael as defiantly. "Only a couple! But it was just because of stress at the gym! I don't need another, stinking diaper!"

Micheal couldn't help but laugh to himself a little. Kylee, despite her demand to the contrary, sure looked like a woman who needed a diaper. She was laying on the ground, legs splayed apart, rash covered ass laying on a wet diaper, waiting to be wiped clean by another person.

"Sure, baby," Michael said as he began to wipe Kylee's tender skin with the baby wipes.

As Michael wiped the urine off of Kylee's waist, Kylee couldn't help but be surprised from his delicate, caring touch. As Michael wiped, Kylee squirmed as it became clear she was still very sore from her diaper rash. However, Michael did a good job at both being thorough and gentle with Kylee's delicate skin.

Then Michael made his way to Kylee's slit and she started to squirm for another reason. The feeling of Michael's fingers through the wet wipe felt so good to Kylee. It brought back the recent memories of Julie's 'special' changes back at the gym. She started to buck her hips into Michael's hand.

"Oh, baby likes that, huh?" Michael said as he started to pay more attention to Kyle's vagina.

"Don't… call… me… baby!" Kylee moaned out as Michael started to rub her clit more intentionally.

"What should I call you then? Your the one laying here on the ground getting your pissy little pampers changed, aren't you?" Michael asked with a seductively dominant tone.

"Ye… yes…" Kylee moaned out.

"Then what does that make you?" Michael asked as he started to thrust his middle and index finger into Kylee's pussy, while continuing to rub her clit with his thumb.

"A… a… a…" Kylee moaned in rhythm with Michael's fingers.

"A what?" Michael demanded, his cock throbbing at his wife's humiliation and his own sense of power.

"A… a… a… BABY!" Kylee screamed as her body convulsed in pleasure with an epic orgasm.

"That's right," Michael said as he removed his fingers from Kylee and wiped them on a new baby wipe. "But, since you were a good girl and admitted it, I guess we can let you try panties again today," he continued cheekily.

"Thank you, Daddy," Kylee said as Michael finished cleaning her up, helped her stand up, and balled up her diaper.

"Of course sweetheart, why don't you go take a shower though? I got most of it off, but let's not take a risk with that rash," Michael suggested.

Kylee complied.

As Kylee showered, Michael took care of his own arousal. He laid on his bed, put his hand down his pants, and stroked himself, imagining Kylee, sitting in a crib at the end of the bed, looking at him longingly in a wet diaper and childish onesie as he fucked Emily doggy style.

It didn't take long before Michael made a sticky mess in his hand. He used another of Kylee's wipes to clean himself up.

The rest of the day went fairly normally for Kylee and Michael. Kylee put back on a pair of panties, but not before slathering her ass in rash cream. She and Michael went about their normal daily tasks.

The only changes were minimal. Michael would occasionally throw glances at her crotch suspiciously, as if he was making sure she didn't have any more accidents. Kylee also found it a little uncomfortable to sit down due to her diaper rash.

However, with normalcy overtaking her day once again, Kylee almost forgot about the events of the morning when it was time to get ready for bed.

NEXT CHAPTER

[before-it-felt-like-a-sin]

Ok, how about Natalie X reader, the scene where they find the lake, but reader is too self conscious to strip down in front of everyone and go for a swim?

Pretty Girls

Anon this is a lovely request but imma be so Fr I can't remember the exact dialogue so enjoy my bullshit <3

Warnings: insecure reader, mentions of body image issues, no smut but a bit of a heated make out, not proofread and also written on my phone <3

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"I found a lake," Taissa announced as she returned from her hike,"It's about four miles from here. We should hike it."

"We aren't leaving. What if the rescue team comes?" Jackie responded, clearly annoyed.

"I hate to break it to you, but it's been three days. They aren't coming, and we're running out of water. We need to head to the lake." Taissa's voice was firm.

Secretly, you agreed with Tai, but you weren't going to get in the middle of this argument. The last thing you needed was Jackie pissed at you. There was enough division as it was.

"We should put it to a vote," Jackie announced. So much for no more division, "All for staying here, raise your hands."

Three people agreed. Jackie, Lottie, and Laura Lee all raised their hands.

"Okay, all for heading to the lake?" Taissa asked now, and nearly all of the group put up their hands. Even Shauna, which was shocking. Who knew she'd go against Jackie like that.

"Looks like we're heading to the lake. Get your shit." Wit that, everyone began packing up any belongings not already in their suitcases.

About twenty minutes later, you all were ready to start your hike. You fell into step beside Lottie as you walked.

"Hey. I know you didn't want to do this," you said.

"Honestly, I was more worried about Jackie's reaction than actually leaving the plane." Lottie smiled at you. You laughed lightly in response.

The two of you walked in silence for a while, listening to everyone chatter on and on. A few girls had started complaining, and you heard Jackie say something about how Tai must have been wrong about the distance from the crash site.

That's when Van saw the lake.

"Hell yeah bitches!" She exclaimed, jumping up and down. Soon, everyone was racing down to the water, stripping off tee shirts and shorts. You hung back, not entirely wanting everyone to see your bare stomach.

"You don't want to swim?" Natalie spoke softly into your ear. You jumped at the unexpected closeness. The two of you hadn't really had time to spend together since the crash.

Your relationship to Natalie was a complicated one. You had began hanging out with her because Van and Tai had started spending more time with each other, leaving the two of you with each other. You'd had a crush on Natalie for a while, and you enjoyed spending time with her. Recently, though, she'd begun to flirt with you. Nothing major, just jokes about how pretty you were, or messing with your hair, or good-natured teasing about your interests. You weren't entirely clear on where you stood.

"Just not totally sure how I feel about stripping in front of everyone." You laughed as you spoke, as if trying to convince both Natalie and yourself that it really was a joke. Even if you knew it wasn't.

"You afraid they'll stare?" She teased.

"Yeah, actually. Just not for the reason you think." You giggled again, but it was harder to be convincing this time.

"Hey, if you're set on not swimming, that's fine. But no one is going to judge you for the way you look. I think we've moved past that point."

"Yeah, well, the rest of you have been changing in front of each other for ages. This kind of thing is new to me."

"Whatever you say, gorgeous. I'm swimming. You should too. I know I wouldn't judge you." She smirked at you in a way that made heat rise to your cheeks.

"Mm. And you've also never seen me naked, so I don't think you can say that yet."

"Okay, y/n." With that, she walked to the edge of the lake, stripping her shirt and pants as she walked across the pebbles.

You didn't stare. You in fact made a point not to stare. But it seemed that as soon as you looked up at her, she moved her head to catch you looking. She smiled at you, and nodded her head toward the lake.

As you looked back at her, you rolled your eyes and shook your head. There was no way you were getting in that water. The whole team didn't need to see your stomach and stretch marks.

Well... maybe you'd take off your shirt. You had a sports bra on. That was full coverage enough, right? Plus, your jeans had a high waist on them. Not much would be on display.

Cautiously, you peeled off your t-shirt, hoping no one would notice. Or care. As you shook your hair free from the confines of the fabric, you felt eyes on you.

In the middle of the lake, you caught Natalie staring at you this time. When she saw that you caught her, she averted her eyes. But something about her eyes on you made you feel good.

Not good enough to take your pants off, but you'd take what you could get.

You balled up your shirt and put it down on the rocky beach so you'd be able to lie down. If nothing else, you were going to enjoy the sun. Maybe not in the same way as everyone else, but you were going to enjoy it.

You lay in the sun for a bit, letting it warm you and only worrying a little bit about the sun damage that was occurring to you. You survived a damn place crash. Cancer seemed so irrelevant now.

It was nice, you thought, that even after what had happened, you were all able to have fun like this.

"Y/n! Get your ass in here!" Van called.

"No!" You yelled back, laughing.

"Lame ass," she responded.

"That's me." With that, you went back to your sunbathing and daydreaming. The only thing that would make this better would be-

"What the fuck!" You exclaimed, dripping water. Somehow, someone had managed to dump a whole bucket of water on you.

You looked up to see it was Van and Taissa. You'd expected Van, but Tai was a low blow. Although, best friends would do that kind of shit to you.

"Taissa Turner I swear to god. I could kill you right now." Your hair was soaked, your mascara was running, and your pants... well, wet jeans aren't ever the move.

"Now you have to swim," Van said, clearly not sensing your anger.

"No, now I have to fucking change out of one of the few pieces of clothing that's actually clean. Thanks for that."

"Whoa, sorry. We didn't think you'd be upset about it. We just wanted you to have fun." Taissa looked at you apologetically. You found yourself forgiving them almost immediately. They were just trying to get you to have fun. There hadn't been much of that lately.

"Still a little pissed at you. But it's fine. I'll just change." You started getting up to find your suitcase.

"Or... hear us out... you come swim with us. It'll be fun." Van looked at you expectantly, hoping you'd say yes.

Maybe...

No. You couldn't. What if they stared at you. What if Natalie stared at you. What if she saw you in your underwear and decided she was done flirting with you.

"Y/n, come on. We all know each other here. No need to be a prude," Van teased.

"Oh, well in that case." You rolled your eyes.

"You know you want to." Taissa poked your shoulder. And she was right. You did want to swim. You just didn't want to swim in front of everyone.

But it would feel so nice. And you'd be able to wash away some of the dirt and sweat from the last few days. Maybe you'd feel less... disgusting.

"Fine." You began to peel off your wet jeans.

Deep breaths, you thought, as the warm spring air hit your thighs. No one was looking at you. Right? Well, except Taissa and Van. But they'd seen you change before. You surveyed the rest of the team. No one was looking at you. Except-

Natalie.

Goddammit.

She just kept staring as you stripped down to your underwear. Luckily for you, you were wearing something full coverage.

The way she was looking at you was almost hungry, like she was drinking in your entire body. Nothing would take her eyes off you.

This was it. This was when she decided all the flirting was over. She didn't like the way you looked under the sweaters and baggy pants. She-

Was walking towards you. Out of the water. Away from everyone else.

"Tai-" you started, before you realized that she and Van had walked away. Shit. Shit shit shit.

Without thinking, you started walking towards the lake. The sooner you were submerged, the better. And you really didn't want to talk to Natalie when you were this exposed.

As you passed Natalie, you wrapped your hand around her wrist and drug her along with you.

"Come on. We're swimming. You can't get out as soon as I decide to get in." She doesn't resist as you pull her behind you, back into the lake.

"Whatever you say. I'm glad you decided to get in."

"Well, Taissa thought it was a good idea to dump water all over me. I would've had to change in front of everyone anyways. Might as well suck it up and get into the water while I'm at it."

"I told you no one would stare." She smirked and pushed the water toward you, splashing you a bit.

"Mm. Someone was staring," you responded, trying to get her to tell you why she had looked at you the way she did.

"Who?" She asked. You couldn't tell if she really didn't know who you were talking about, or if she was feigning innocence.

"Um. You?" You replied, looking at her with a quizzical look on your face.

"That was because I wanted to see if you were really going to swim. Not to judge you."

"Oh, yeah, sure. Whatever you say."

"Did you want me to be judging you? Because I wouldn't do that. To anyone. But especially you. You're like, really pretty or whatever."

"Really pretty or whatever? Such a romantic, Scatorccio." With as much force as you can, you splash her.

After she recovers from the shock of the water being splashed in her face, she looks at you with a challenge.

"No Nat please I didn't-"

Before you could finish your sentence, finish apologizing, she shoved you under the surface of the lake. You didn't have time to do much, except inhale right before she pushed you down.

When you resurfaced, the first thing you heard was her laughter.

"Wow. That was a bit excessive," you said, once you had caught your breath. She was still giggling.

"Had to retaliate somehow." She shrugged, but she did look slightly apologetic.

"Asshole."

"It's how I show my love."

"Awww, you love me?" You mocked.

"Oh, fuck off."

You just laughed at her.

She was doing it again. Staring at you. Subconsciously, you tried to cover yourself up with your arms. It didn't really have the desired effect.

"You're gorgeous," she said, eyes still on you.

"You don't have to say that." You tried to be nonchalant, but you felt your cheeks heating up.

"I'm not just saying that." She moved closer to you. When she reached you, she gently moved your arms out of the way of your body, leaving you more exposed than you'd like.

She looked at you straight in the eyes. Something about it made your knees weak. There was so much love in her face. She was looking at you like you were the only girl in the world.

"I want to kiss you so bad," she whispered in your ear. You shivered at the closeness.

"Maybe not in front of everyone," you whispered back.

"Embarrassed of me?" She joked.

"No," you laughed, "I just hate PDA"

"I have an idea then." She beckoned for you to follow her out of the lake.

You walked behind her as she led you across the beach. The only person that seemed to notice you was Taissa, and she just smiled as you passed.

Natalie continued to lead you to the edge of the woods, in a place just secluded enough. You could still hear everyone, but they wouldn't be able to see you.

Before you knew it, you were pressed up against a tree, the bark scratching your bare back.

"Can I kiss you?" Natalie asked, brushing your hair out of your eyes.

You nodded, and as soon as she got your consent, her mouth was on yours. Her lips were slightly chapped, and you appreciated the roughness of them. But her movements were soft.

Her hands rested on your hips, and her fingers were cold. Her lips felt too good on yours for you to care. You tangled your fingers into her damp hair, pulling her closer.

She pulled away for a moment to whisper to you.

"Do you believe me about you being gorgeous now?" She asked, looking at you with her pupils blown out and lips puffy from kissing.

You laughed, "I guess."

Seemingly satisfied with your response, she went back to kissing you. But now, she was kissing any inch of skin available to her. Your forehead. Your jawline. Your ear. Your neck. She didn't go any lower than that, which you appreciated. You weren't sure how ready you were for anything more. Especially in the woods.

"Y/n? Natalie?" You heard Tai's voice from a distance. "Lottie saw something. We're going to go see what it is. Come back, please."

With that, Natalie looked at you again, eyes full of hunger and want.

"Do this again later?"

[beanghostprincess]

ShuggyUta family is so cute and funny bc like.

One one hand - AAAA CUTE Uta one day having the EPIPHANY that half of her hair is WHITE, and HAIR DYE EXISTS so she hunts down the closest blue to Buggy's hair. She dyes it in the middle of the night, and either comes out next morning completely casual OR bursts out like "DAD, PAPA, LOOK NOW I HAVE BOTH OF YOU WITH ME :DD"

They both implode immediately ((and Buggy gives her the "The sentiment is so sweet baby, but remember you never ever have to change your appearance to be worthy of love. If you want to, want it for yourself, okay? We love you no matter what" talk))

Then there's also the shenanigans.

Buggy: .... whatchya got there?

Shanks and Uta, both holding one of Luffy's hands, holding cups in the other: ........ smoothies?

<><><><><>

Buggy: Shanks so help me, I TOLD YOU not to get another kid-

Shanks: whaaaaaat? Hahaha, no Bugaboo. You told me very specifically I am not to adopt another child :))

Buggy: so why are there two new children in the kitchen

Luffy: I adopted them!

Uta: we have big brothers now!

Shanks:

Buggy:

Shanks: you told me not to adopt anyone. You didn't tell Lu or Uta.

Buggy: alright. That one's on me.

<><><><><>

Rayleigh, surprise visiting his kids: hello my children, I have swam across the Grandline- is that a kid?

Buggy, Uta on one hip, Sabo on his shoulders, Luffy on his back and Ace clinging to his leg and glaring death at Ray: four, actually.

Ray:

Buggy:

Ray: I'm a grandpa? And you didn't TELL ME??

<><><><><>

Shanks: happy mothers day, Bug!

Buggy: i'm... not a woman?

Shanks: maybe not but you ARE a botto-

Buggy: punches him I'm keeping the roses and chocolates

<><><><><>

Buggy and Shanks teaching them the pirates code, weapons, Haki, sailing, navigation, etc.

Shanks has a moment of "is it really okay to have them on the ship? We were in danger, Bug, it hurt us, what if we're hurting THEM-??"

Buggy smacks him. "We're learning from our dads' mistakes, Red. It's not perfect. We're not perfect. We just need to be the best we can and always put them first. We need to communicate. If we leave them, we can't protect them. If we leave, they'll be on their own. This is the lesser evil. We need to have their security as our priority. We're pirates, but we're parents, too. We can not commit to one over the other, but we can't let it hurt our babies. They're ours now. We are NOT leaving them behind."

<><><><><>

Ace gets a crash course in his history. It's rocky at first, but it's only bc he asks Buggy and Shanks ((separately, mind you)) about "if Gold Roger Had A Kid".

Buggy responds with a snort. "I mean, he kinda had two? But if we had another, then word, I guess? I'd be a little annoyed."

"Bc of his blood?"

"What? No. I'd be pissed that Captain didn't tell me. Asshole move, that. Why do you ask, freckles?"

Shanks, meanwhile, just shrugs. "Ya know how they say blood is thicker than water?"

"... yeah?"

"Yeah, it's bullshit. I wouldn't really care. If Captain had a kid, that's just not my business. I bled with him, for him, and he did for me. I think of him as my father, so I guess that would be sort of like... a little sibling, maybe? But it'd be up to the kid. Your blood doesn't define you, Ace. That's a lesson all good pirates know."

"......... mm."

<><><><><>

Sabo, no warning, in the middle of dinner: I'm a runaway noble.

Shanks: oh neat.

Buggy: oh? Which family? Want me to rob them for you?

Sabo: you aren't mad???

Uta, shrugging: it doesn't matter. You're still a feral jungle brat. Besides, if anyone in the family passes as a fancy pants noble, it's me!

Buggy: 🤨

Uta: ... and mama Bug. I guess.

Luffy: I don't care. Sabo is Sabo.

Ace: yeah, what he said.

Buggy: I will still rob them though.

<><><><><>

That's all I got rn baaaaiiii

Help these are all great 😭 You made my day with this <3

They just keep adopting kids and expanding the family. When they grow up, they get their partners and Zoro, Yamato, Koala, and Perona are there 24/7 because these kids cannot have a normal relationship that isn't based on codependency and both Shanks and Buggy have to deal with four more people around.

Ace telling them he is Roger's child and Sabo telling them he is a noble??? That kills me. They'd be so supportive and protective of them, too. It kills me.

Also, Buggy would ADORE these kids. Rayleigh comes over and sees the whole thing and Shanks thinks he's going to be angry because they didn't tell him but the man is just amazed they managed to have a family of their own without fucking up. Buggy keeps saying it was thanks to him because Shanks wouldn't have been able to do it on his own and, like, everybody agrees.

[kafnixc]

Hi, if that's okay, can I please have Dom Raven x sub fem reader oneshot? Basically, the reader breaks one of the rules, and she decides to punish her darling?

ofcourse❗❗

It's been a while since i posted so ill just drop this

Pairing: Dom!Raven x Sub!FemReader

Warnings: Cunnilingus, Begging, Squirting, Overstimulation, Crying

Summary: You pissed Raven off because you broke one of the Rules so she punishes you

"fuck!— Raven, Raven please.." You gasp gripping on her Light Grey hair as she flicks her tongue against your already swollen clit

Your thighs trembling while your eyes roll back into your head, desperately grinding yourself against Raven's face but you earn a slap from her on doing so making you yelp

You remember how you got yourself in this position, you were playing around and disturbing Raven purposely to get her attention. She didn't really mind, you had a smug look on your face while you do so but it immediately went away when you accidentally broke a rule

You see raven shooting a glare at you before clicking her tongue "Naughty girl, must you break a rule just for me to give you my attention?"

You got snapped back to reality when Raven sucked hard on your clit, you grip on her hair more and arched your back in response "Mm!— Raven-! fuck, oh fuck I'm gonna!—"

Your orgasm hit you hard, your body violently shaking but Raven didn't stop there she laps her tongue on your labia causing you to whine "Raven!— please, please! let's talk this out mmh..!—"

Raven didn't react to your pleads and kept violently fucking your cunt with her wet muscle. A gasp escapes your lips when you feel your body getting dragged up against her chest, her arms wrapping around your abdomen

"Cry and Beg all you want, im not stopping any time soon this is what you get for breaking the rules. Whore."

Before you could even respond, her tongue plunges onto your soaping cunt once again her tongue sliding against your folds while you desperately try to hold onto her for your dear life

"Rav- Raven..!— baby please, it hurts!" You try to beg for her mercy but to no avail, she only looked at you dead in the eyes before sucking on your clit tears appear on your eyes as you desperately try to escape her grasp but her grip on your was too strong you can't even move

You felt something building inside you, it made you squirm but Raven's strong grip on you refrained you from moving you could only sob and tremble

And before you even know it, your body jerked and you gushed on Raven's face. You can't even talk because of how foggy your mind is. All you can make out is pants and whimpers

"Don't even think we're done yet, might i remind you that this is a punishment."

Ps: I took some inspiration because I was out of ideas

[not-actually-human]

Here's a fun story I tell from time to time that tells you a lot about me because I fundamentally haven't really changed all that much I'm the past ten years:

When I was about thirteen (I think, I honestly can't remember exactly how old I was at the time, it's not important) my mom and I went to visit my much older cousin and his wife who'd just had their first baby. Said cousin picked my mom and I up from the bus station and was driving us back to his house, my mom in the front passenger seat, me in the back. Having the adhd hellbrain that I do, I was absolutely chattering away, talking a mile a minute, filling my long-suffering cousin on everything I thought was important since we'd last seen each other. That is, until I found a pair of handcuffs in the backseat (this cousin is a customs officer, and is sometimes tasked with making arrests when illegal items are found). I started messing with them, putting them on and slipping my hand out, until, of course, I put them on too tight and couldn't slip my hand back out again. I started panicking, not knowing what to do or say, and my cousin became suspicious of how quiet I was back there. He asked if I had found the handcuffs and groaned when I explained what happened. See, the whole reason they were in his car and not back at the office is because he'd lost the key, and didn't want anyone using them without a way of taking them off... like I had just done. When we got to the house, he called a friend from the office to see if he could pick the lock, and he just ended up breaking a mechanism in the lock, so even if the key was found, it wouldn't work. I ended up with the handcuffs on my wrist for three days, during which I was given a huge pair of pants with ginormous pockets to stick my hand in when out in public to avoid getting weird looks. Eventually, they just decided to take me to a local welder who sawed off the handcuff with a hacksaw. I was screaming my head off the whole time, and my mother literally had to hold me dowm, partly because I thought I might get my hand chopped off, but also because the sawing made the metal get hot, or at least a little warmer, which freaked me out the more. In the end, my mom gave my cousin the money to replace the work-issued cuffs and what was supposed to be a fun trip turned into an absolute fiasco. I remember very little about the baby, who is now ten-ish (eleven? I have way too many cousins with way too many kids to remember exactly how old all of them are) and is almost taller than me (his dad is from the tall side of the family, which pisses me off).

um. don't quite know how to respond to this /pos but I need other people to read it. 13 year old you was fascinating dude

[alsjeblieft-zeg]

081 of 2025

Has anyone ever told anyone lies to get them to hate you?

Yeah, last year. So childish for a 60 years old. Thankfully that other person is too smart to believe in it.

Are you inside or outside right now?

Inside, but going outside soon.

Do you think guys with just one ear pierced are cute?

Doesn't matter to me.

Are you wearing socks right now?

Yes, it's pretty cold.

Do you like your cousins?

Of course. But we don't keep in touch regularly.

Which mainstream artist pisses you off?

I don't really care about mainstream artists, but Demi Lovato is just another level. I can't stand this person.

Do you own harem pants?

Nope, I would never wear such a thing.

Would you rather be called pretty or hot?

Nope, thanks. Neither.

Are there many gangsters or chavs at your school?

I'm not in school anymore.

Describe the seat you’re sitting on?

It's a brown couch, pretty much destroyed by us and our cat lol.

Do you have any weird bedtime rituals?

They're not weord to me, so please define "weird".

Have you ever sent any celeb fan mail?

Yes, I remember I sent a mail to Natalia Oreiro as a kid, but she never responded.

When did you last pull a muscle? How did you do it?

Yesterday, by lifting a box. Both my arms suffered :P

Name the last shitty CD you bought.

Probably something by Mandaryna, out of pure sentiment XD

Do you play online games?

Jo, but I play mobile games.

Have you ever chugged maple syrup?

NNo, but I like maple syrup.

Do you prefer original or acoustic versions better?

Depends on my mood and on the performance.

What was the last thing you ate?

Just got Pizza Hut. Garden Lovers, my favourite.

What was the last thing you drank?

Sparkling Chupa Chups drink, sour strawberry flavour.

Have you ever gotten a serious injury at school? What happened?

I was running, fell to the ground, broke my nose. Ow.

Are you on any medication at the moment?

Yeah, for the rest of my life. I take Keppra, Lamictal, aspirin for blood, and fluoxetine to stop anxiety.

Do you have a favorite pair of headphones or earbuds?

Yeah, my old good blue Beats EP headphones. Just ordered the same model, but in red.

How do you wear your hair for school?

I'm not in school.

Have you ever performed in front of a large group?

Yeah. Almost died lol.

Are you hungry right now?

No, I'm eating.

Have you ever fundraised? If so, what for?

No. I'm not rich enough.

Do you ever go on the Bzoink forums?

RIP Bzoink, but I have an account on the new Bzoink forum which I'm glad exists.

Is it day or night?

Evening.

What was the last DVD you bought?

Oh my, it was years ago. Parker Lewis Never Loses, I think.

Are the curtains in your bedroom open or closed?

We don't have curtains in our bedroom. We have blinds.

Are you wearing earrings right now?

No, just 3 in my ears and all in my face.

Your least favourite type of piercing:

Nipples and anything genitals, ew. You do you, but I would never do it.

Which mode of transport do you use to get to school or work?

Bus one week, car the other week.

Call of Duty, Halo or Left 4 Dead?

None, but my husband plays Call of Duty.

Name a singer whose voice makes you swoon.

Nick Holmes from Paradise Lost, anyone? And also, Novastar. He's got the voice.

Do your pets follow you when you walk around the house?

Victoria did. Susie rarely does it.

Do you own a BB gun? If so, have you ever shot anyone with it?

No and no lol.

Which hockey team do you go for, if any?

None, thanks.

Do you watch makeup tutorial videos on Youtube?

No, I'm not interested in them.

Have you read any magazines like Cosmo?

Nope. I just bought the newest issue of our local magazine because they wrote a 4 pages article about my workplace and I wanted to read it.

What do you do online?

Post on forums, post on Tumblr, post on YouTube, post on Deviantart (need to update on it, though), hang out on some forums.

Do you have any scars on your face?

Yeah, one on my forehead from bumping into the table when I was one year old and just learning to walk.

Have you ever won any competition or contest?

Do you listen to Owl City?

Nope, I don't.

Do you own a lot of nail polishes?

None at all.

What did you have for breakfast this morning?

Cottage cheese.

Do you still have Easter egg hunts?

Never did.

Are you wearing shoes at this very moment? If so, describe them.

No, I'm not. I'm not even wearing socks.

Do you know who deadmau5 is?

I do, but I don't really listen to him anymore.

[dhampiravidi]

Jayn doesn't turn to look at Aleksander. Frankly, she doesn't care what he thinks of her in that moment--he probably is already angry with her as it is, but this is about her mother, not him. She knows that her younger self would've been amazed to see her now, striking fear into the heart of the group that had ruined her childhood. But Jayn's simply disgusted by the man in front of her & angry that she can't directly do more to help the war effort against Fjerda.

Then the drüskelle spits in her face. She must've turned into a demon shortly after, because he quickly apologizes. "It's too late for that. You want to make a mess? Fine," Jayn hisses in his language.

He tenses up, expecting her to sever his jugular with her makeshift blade, but that's not what she does. Instead, she dismisses the ice, dissolving it into vapor as she steps back. Then, Jayn brings her palms together & gently slides one ahead of the other.

The man's body responds instinctively to her manipulations, relaxing until he realizes what she's made him do. He yelps as he wets himself, stain quickly spreading to his pants until the seat of his pants is almost completely wet. He's cursing, face red with embarrassment.

"I hope you remember my mother as the stench gets stuck in your nose & you start to shiver. Enjoy your pool of piss, pig," she tells him, wiping her face with the back of her thumb. Then she turns to Aleksander--

"We'll see you upstairs in ten?"

[n1k1tty]

kiss me ! part 1

jake was definitely head over heals for your cold personality, and he wasn't going to let anyone take you. but heres the problem: he couldn't find a single way to keep a conversation with you. despite your scary demeanour, jake decides to man up and does everything out of his will to get you.

fluff, jake x reader, (not proofread)

jake was frustrated to know that many guys have been after you the second you stepped in that classroom doing the bare minimum.

hearing ‘wanna grab lunch with me?’ here and there somehow always made him ball his fist to prevent himself from being a problem. yet again he couldn’t blame other people for wanting to ask you out either. he even sometimes wished that you had rejected him so he could move on. although of course he didn’t really mean that.

because now he was wandering around the school looking for you while he was on a “bathroom break” during his soccer practice. he knew you always liked to stay at the school rooftops admiring the view while listening to music. not like he was stalking you or anything...

you turn your head to look at the person at the door "you again? when are you going to leave me alone? pervert" you scoff, kicking the little pieces of rocks as you avoid jakes eyes. it was almost the millionth time you've seen jake this day, and it was always for the same reason, to piss you off, well more like ask you out --which still pisses you off.

you weren't one to believe in love, or maybe just not yet. because you weren't even sure if you were capable enough to love someone. even the thought of having to be so sweet and touchy with each other grossed you out, and of all people, jake especially knew that. so why was he so determined to get you to fall in love with him?

you weren't one to believe in love, or maybe just not yet. because you weren't even sure if you were capable enough to love someone. even the thought of having to be so sweet and touchy with each other grossed you out, and of all people, jake especially knew that. so why was he so determined to get you to fall in love with him?

"hmmm maybe never?" jake chuckles at the sight of you rolling your eyes "then i'll move schools --countries if that's what takes for you to leave me alone" as you turn around and face him, eyes widened at the thin space between the both of you "and maybe i'll find you"

you raise your eyebrows "well that's borderline criminal act" you wander off "now sim jaeyun i think it's best for you to leave before you add up to my anger --i mean you already are. but wouldn't that be horrible?" jake's eyes follow you as you drag your feet "not really" he states "you're hot when you're mad"

you scoff out of disbelief, hitting him hard on his arm, looking away almost immediately as you trying to hide your heated face "shut up before i'll push you off this building" letting go of the grip you once had on his collar, "alright, alright sorry ma'am. but if you're really mad for whatever reason, come with me. i'll take you to a place" he suggests, offering his hand for you to take "you should be happy. i normally wouldn't even consider letting anyone know about my spot" he shoots you a grin

you take time trying to consider his offer, but as much as you don't want to stroke his ego about convincing you to go with him, you really needed something to release your anger "as long as you shut up about this" you give him a side glance "no promises" he sends a wink your way "ugh, fine"

he gently takes your hand as he drags you out of the school "can you jump over the wall?" jake looks at your flustered face "....no..?" you answer, making a line with your lips, causing him to let out a small chuckle "okay cutie, i'll help you up" you cringe at the nickname "call me that again and i'll break your neck" you step on his knee as he tries to boost you up "yeah that's right, keep going"

but as jake looks up he couldn't help but feel flustered, looking away "i made it!" you pant, hands resting on your knees as you wait for jake to come up as well. but after a few seconds of not hearing him, you call out his name, peaking your head over the wall "jake? i swear to god if you leave me out here i'm killing you"

"n-no i didn't leave you" he stutters, trying to collect himself from being a flustered mess "then come up here! the sun is setting, you wouldn't want to miss it"

"y-yeah it's just that i uh, i saw.....your....you know?" he explains, his hands not knowing what to do "you saw my what!?" you shrieked "no no it's okay i looked away!" he reassures you "ugh, just- just come up here!" you yell, already walking ahead as you try to cool down your heating face "so pink aye?" jake jokes, catching up to you

"SIM JAEYUN!" you yell, kicking him on his ass "ow! okay sorry!"

jake was resting his head on his hands, watching as you play with the small puddle while watching the sunset, not even an hour in, jake panics as he sees the amount of missed calls from riki "oh shit! my soccer practice!"

--

the following days after that, almost everything remained the same, jake continuously teasing and flirting with you, you getting in trouble for the littlest things, never coming home until the latest of the hour. but yet again, almost everything remained the same

you were now in denial of your feelings towards sim jaeyun. it would hurt too much of your pride to actually admit it, because after all, you've always told sim jaeyun you hated him.

you groan "jake, there's a reason why i'm failing english, okay? just accept the fact that i'm the worst" you bury your head on the pages of your book, seated across jake at the back of the library "i didn't even ask for you to help me! i simply just asked for your notes that just happened to have a first grader's hand writing" he scoffs, a little taken back by your sudden insult on his hand writing "thanks? i know you didn't ask for help, i just wanted to do this with you so that you don't get detention for not knowing proper english" he explains, handing you another sheet of paper with an 54 circled on the right corner "seriously y/n? 54? come on, one last set of questions and i'll take you to the new cafe just across the street"

and almost immediately, you bring your head up, grabbing the pen and taking the set of questions. making jake giggle "y/n, just say that you like me, you know i'm not going to reject you-- ow!" you smack him on the head with the pencil "that's absolute nonsense!" you whisper with a harsh voice, digging your face on the note book as you try to cover the little smile you had on your face

i think it was safe to say you got 4 out of 10 right, causing you to almost have a mental breakdown at the library "i can't do this sim" you groan "i think you just need a break yeah? wanna head to the cafe?" jake stands up to pack your stuff, giggling at the sight of your head still buried in between the pages of the book "c'mon y/n" he kneels beside you "get up, let's go to that cafe"

you've never felt your pride hurt as much as this did, having to show jake how bad your were at english, him having to tutor you without you asking for help, and jake bringing you to the cafe even though you weren't even remotely close to getting at least 6 right

and you weren't exaggerating when when you say jake had to drag you all the way to the cafe "hi! what can i get for you today sir?" the girl says, the obvious heart eyes she has for him pissing you off even more "hi yeah i'd like to have a caramel machiatto" he responds politely, smiling at the obvious glare you held at the girl, poking out your tongue after she was called by the manager, an old lady replaces her "anything else for your girlfriend--" before you could correct her, jake immediately speaks up "she'll have (drink)"

he smiles at the old lady before paying "i'm sending you money later whether you like it or not" you roll your eyes "and i'll send it back" he holds your waist as he leads you to a table, causing your heart to beat 10 times faster "yeah? well i'll send it back to you again! i'll keep doing it until you die!" he scoffs at you "as if!"

--

even after multiple attempts of trying to make jake ask you out, the boy who you thought was so smart couldn't take a single hint at all.

but in jake's defence, you were a little bad, considering how bad you were with boys, he vividly remembers that one time when you were trying so hard to make him jealous by talking to other guys. he even laughed as you struggled to keep up with a conversation.

or that other time when you tried to hold his hand just to do something romantic just for once but ended up letting go because he wouldn't stop teasing you about it. he still took your hand, yet he never asked you out still.

"you okay darling?" your mother asks, taking a quick glance at your droopy form leaning on the counter as you wait for her to finish cooking "is it a boy?" she teases, making you perk your head up "i knew it!" she gives you an endearing smile as she gives you a plate with eggs on it, a heart shaped ketchup placed on the top of the egg "mom!" you whine

"okay fine, it is a boy. but don't tell dad" you whisper, smiling once she zips her lips "what's his name?" she asked, tilting her head as she leans on the counter in front of you "jake"

"jake?! i love jake! you should invite him over sometime" she squeals "he's a nice guy, i'm sure he wouldn't hurt you, so what's bothering you?" you sigh, taking a sip of the water "he likes me, it's like the whole world knows. but he just keeps on flirting with me and never actually tries to ask me out" you pout, aggressively taking a bit of the scrambled eggs, making your mother chuckle "oh baby, i'm sure it'll happen soon. just give him some time! unless if you're that impatient, then maybe you should try considering to be the one who makes the first move" she walks away, heading upstairs

no, as much as you hate it, that would hurt too much of your pride. so you decided to wait.

--

summer just had started and you couldn't even explain how much you hated the heat. staying under the shade 70% of the time whenever you went out with jake and his friends "guys! i have an announcement" jay yells, you were currently over at jay's house, just having a little party with just the 8 of you "my father booked us a trip to hawaii"

"WHAT?!"

part 2

— HEY 👵🏽 so i decided that this would be a multiple part story bcs i didnt want it to be too long!

i haven’t written the second part yet, but hopefully i’d have it done before tuesday

feel free to ask if you want to be tagged once the second chapter is out!

this has been n1k1tty! see ya!

[teddybeartoji]

i wet the end of my quill on my tongue and proceed to tip it into the teeny tiny jar of ink beside me, my hand hovers the precious piece of paper and the words flow effortlessly -- LO AND BEHOLD IT IS I, YOUR FELLOW SOLDIER FROM THE GREAT SUPER GOOD WAR! I HOPE THIS LETTER FIND YOU WELL MWAH MWAH MWAH

no but that's so funny though that made me giggle bUT THIS IS THE WAY. THIS IS HOW IT SHOULD BE. REJECT IMMEDIATE SHORT ANSWERS ACCEPT LONG AWAITED LOVE LETTERS ABOUT ART ON TUMBLR WE SHALL BRING BACK THE FORGOTTEN LANGUAGE TRUSTTTT🫡🫡🫡

WE ARE CONNECTED!! IT'S CONFIRMED!! that's so cool that we kind of started at the same time wahhh btw can't miss out on my chance to praise you and your work so here i am!!! lately i've been thinking about your "call my name and i'll come running" it's so dear to my heart you don't even realize. i've always had problems with people not taking me seriously and gojo is 100000% the person to also not take a person seriously and it's soooooo frustrating and you just conveyed it so well i was so in it i loved reading it so so so much AND DAMN i remember when i read "i've always loved the way you eat" (i'm pretty sure this was the first thing of yours i ever read btw) I WAS SOBBBBINGG LET ME TELL YOU I LOVE SUGU AND THE WAY YOU WRITE HIM anyway yeah just reminding u how big of a fangirl i really am hehehehe

STOPPPPP ARI/MICKEY/SASHISU MOVIE NIGHTS STOPPPPP MY HEART CAN'T TAKE IT it would be so funny i'd probably be pissing my pants i won't even lie.............................. so cute though i know sugu would get just a massive headache bc i'd start bickering with gojo (this would probably get physical and sugu would have to seperate us and sit between us even though he'd regret that immmmediately smh poor guy) and you're on the other side of the couch whisper-begging shoko to explain the movie to u lmaoooo what a happy family i'm so glad everybody is alive and safe and real yay

gojo's "i wouldn't have failed u like that"🤨🤨🤨he's so unserious but so fucking serious at the same time please make it make sense

on the topic of de!!!! i'm trying for a superstar cop run lmao it's very fun so far (very relatable)(i'm normal) BUT SKSASJFAJ i love harry's feminism arc bro "this stuff gets on my nerves. i am a feminist." okay bet "do you have a have a phallus in your ear? i said i'm a feminist." to which kim responds with "good." but the thing is i can't always tell if a person is being sarcastic or not so i'm just gonna take this as praise for the excellent comeback😌😌

VERY IMPORTANT!!! please please please no pressure on the movies or any other kind of recs!!!! i always say that when i talk about a movie i only want you to remember it to lock the name in the back of your head somewhere, i don't expect you to watch it bc you will do that when the time arrives, when you feel like it. i just wish that when one day you're picking out a movie and you see a familiar one you think oh! i know this one! they told me about it! that's all that's all i need<33

NOW FOR MY FAVOURITE LITTLE THING: THE SOUNDTRACKS

i'm very excited for you to listen to them (IN YOUR OWN TIME NO RUSH NO PRESSURE) these are some of the ones that have been living in my heart for years now and i think you'll like them too (I HOPE) also i wrote down whether i think you'd like the actual movie

the social network by trent reznor & atticus ross - hand covers bruise; soft trees break the fall; imo such a beautiful score and really compliments the movie (if u haven't seen it just trust me on this lmao) - 10/10 would recommend not scary just "gay" drama

potc: dead man's chest by hans zimmer - jack sparrow; the kraken, davy jones; dinner is served; tia dalma; wheel of fortune; IT'S SO FUN IT'S SO EXCITING IT'S PERFECT i might be a bit biased bc this is my childhood movie i actually might be jack sparrow but yk hans zimmer always pops off this man is insane (alsoalso also bc i'm talking about potc i do not support j***** d*** ok this is a woman loving household the pirate movies are the only ones i'm willing to watch) - 10/10 would recommend it's extremely fun and it has action and elizabeth swann (+ her dressing up as a man i know u understand what i'm talking about here) and it's so fucking funny

arrival by jóhann jóhannsson - arrival; heptapod b; transmutation at a distance; first encounter; hydraulic lift; braingasm total braingasm - 8/10 would recommend it can be a bit confusing and might require a second watch but it's just so cool and i'd rec it solely based on the sound design alone so yeah

hereditary by colin stetson - party, crash; séance sleepwalking; dreaming; get out; chasing peter; reborn; the first to are very similar but at the same time they're soooooo different ahhh it tingles my brain, i've been listening to this one a lot recently i just think it's great but overall this score is a crazy one maybe a bit intermediate level but idk let me know what you think - it's horror so 0/10 lmao you poor little scaredy cat u need shoko to hold your hand maybe then it would be like a 2/10

annihilation by ben salisbury & geoff barrow - ambulance chase; disoriented; sheppard; the bear; the alien; annihilation; SO INSANE I LOVE THIS MOVIE AND THE SCORE WHAT THE FUCKKKK i remember i when i watched the bear scene i had a palm over my mouth holding my breath bc it was so thrilling - 7/10 it's the visuals it's the mindfuckery it's the cool concept minus points for a few scary and gnarly scenes

movie recs for u and u only<333333333

teenage mutant ninja turtles: mutant mayhem (2023) - it's animation and fuck me it's soooo fucking sick i'm so glad i got to see it in the cinema

the fablemans (2022) - really fucking funny and well written me and my friend and then an elderly couple literally were dying of laughter in the cinema it was really cute

mission impossible: fallout (2018) - if u want to see more action films that aren't that gory and bloody this is the one!! it's very good i've seen it many times (also a banger soundtrack), the action is very well choreographed and it's always good to watch knowing that the actors genuinely put their effort into them (tom cruise does literally all of his stunts, in one of the scenes he actually breaks his ankle)

ocean's eleven (2001) - if u were to only watch one of the things from this list this should be it!!!!! omfg i think you'd really like this one i really do wtf i'm getting giddy just thinking about it

OKAY I'M SORRY THIS GOT SO LONG BUT AGAIN NO PRESSURE oh and my letterboxd is @/m2gicmike hehehehe come visit my other home

i put your recs on my list too i can't wait to check them out!!!! i've never been this enthusiastic to do homework wtf

PRINCE!GOJO AND KNIGHT!READER NATION LET'S GOOOOOOOOOOOO i mean it when i say that i think about them daily, like i'm writing the three chapters at the same time bc i just cannot stop the thoughts SO FUN THOUGH btw btw btw btw i need ur advice!!! please!! i wanna write shoko into the universe too but i'm having a hard time figuring out her role.... i think i'd like her to be connected with the reader (maybe they were super close when they were little but then they got seperated, the reader had to move or smth) but i want to give her like a job too yk i don't think she'd work in the castle??? or maybe she would?? idk you are the shoko expert so plss lend me your brain

(the vampire!reader x dumb sweetie!gojo is insane i can't believe i just thought of that i'm very proud of myself ngl i like that concept a lot a lot AND AS ALWAYS I'M SO HAPPY YOU UNDERSTAND AND U LIKE IT EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE)

hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii ari<33 how was your day? how is it going? tell me tell me!! MY QUESTION IS what movies would be your movies with gojo n geto n shoko?? like something you're both always down to watch

i just thought about this bc i put jackass on for background noise (a totally normal thing to do i know) and i realized that jackass would absolutely be something me n gojo would bond over lmao i think he'd find it so funny and he'd react to everything sooo dramatically like he's crawling backwards over the couch he's gagging he's crying he's laughing and he will most definitely wanna fucking try some of the stunts............................ he's stupid and i love him

- @softgirlgonehaywire

MICKEY !!!!!!!! hihihi!!!!!!!!! so happy to see u here hehe. my day was good!!! 🌻🌻🌻 im trying to take advantage of my uni break to read and write a bunch!!! which is super fun :D i wanna check out more of ur stuff sometime soon too !!!!

what abt u mickey?? did u do anything fun??? i hope ur day was (or is!!) super duper lovely <33

AAAA AND. thats the cutest question ever im losing it im biting at the walls tysm for indulging my sashisu obsession….. this got long u have been warned ‼️

FIRST OF ALL i just wanna say i havent watched jackass so i cant comment as much as i want to 😔😔😔 bUT i trust u and agree w everything u say yep yep !!!! AND i 100% agree that gojo would do movie stunts w u THATS SO CUTE 😭😭 he would do the most complicated dangerous stunt just to impress u <333 and then break his ankle. and force u to nurse him back to health it was on purpose :/

ahhh but!!!! honestly mickey i dont watch as many movies as id like to……. (PLS GIVE ME RECS 🙏🙏🙏) i have some faves and genres that i love tho!! so here r just some general thoughts :3

gojo is canonically down to watch basically anything so i feel like we would hunt down the most awful/low quality/unintentionally hilarious movies we can n just lose it laughing. ALSO…. im not super into reality tv but i think gojo would LOVE that shit. obsessed w it. i would watch his silly little reality tv shows just to make him happy <333 i feel like he would have genuine beef w people on the show too PHDKDJD LIKE DAMN IS IT REALLY THAT SERIOUS… but it is. he’s out for blood.

….. also this is me being self indulgent lets be clear but: some part of me thinks gojo would love musicals <33 its the would-be theatre kid in him. i love and cherish the legally blonde musical and i know he would too. he sings along obnoxiously loud which would be super funny if he was tone deaf but sadly he has a beautiful voice LMAOO

NOW as for shoko …… she loves horror movies. loves them loves them. i think she’d actually prefer really bad horror movies though. bc she thinks the over-the-top effects are so funny… either way im suffering bc im a scaredy cat LOL. but i feel like she’d like that too <33 (i would cry and she would comfort me by explaining how splattered brains ACTUALLY look and that would make me cry more)

AH ALSO … i have literally no idea where this came from and its not a movie but!! i think shoko would be unreasonably obsessed w the office. its her hyperfixation. we would binge it together all the time <33 my favorite is michael but she would compare him to gojo (objectively correct comparison) and i would no longer be able to see him the same way

and then for sugu…….. he’s so pretentious mickey. i just know he is. ONLY watches good movies. if u ask nicely he’ll watch a bad movie w u but will silently judge it + ur taste the whole time i hate him. (i dont.) idk i just feel like he has way too much to say abt fight club and the godfather PSBDJBF TELL ME U SEE THE VISION…. will lowkey mainsplain them to u but its sugu so i think its fine <33

but jokes aside i think sugu just has Good taste. beyond the mainstream toxic man movies (and even w those i think he has genuinely good and interesting takes he’s simply Perfect)… i feel like he has a wide selection of lesser known movies that are actually really really good and he shares them w u <3 and gatekeeps them from everyone else im thinking like old monochrome french movies w really interesting plots …. indie gems …. etc etc.

but as i said im not knowledgeable abt movies at ALL so i think id just have to trust his taste n watch them w him 😭😭 i cant decide if he’s the type to pause the movie every two minutes to explain something or give u side eye if u talk while its playing PDBDJDJ EITHER WAY… i love him.

OH BUT BUT BUT …. i think sugu would love mystery movies a lot!!! and they r my favorites ever ever ever. i love knives out & the 2009 sherlock holmes movies so i would force him to watch them w me. thankfully theyre super good so we’d both be happy :) yeah.

if u pay attention while reading u can tell the exact moment i started getting carried away i think PDBDJD THIS WAS SUCH A GOOD QUESTION MICKEY ….. so fun to think abt. if u have any more thoughts on what u and gojo would watch PLS tell me i am itching to know 🙏🙏🙏🙏

[edelgarfield]

i need to vent about a d&d game

so i'm playing a sorcerer & from i took "prestidigitation" at character creation, primarily for the purpose of the "pissing other people's pants" joke. it's silly & stupid but i thought it was harmless fun.

last session over a year into the campaign, i tried to do it to my character's brother and the DM cuts me off and says "No. I hate that gag. It's stupid." and essentially says I can't do it.

and like, I don't really care about not being able to do it. what upsets me is the DM's reaction. I felt like I was being scolded and I just felt ashamed an embarrassed.

and I have a bunch of minor gripes like that. i feel like any time my character tries to do something cute or cool or meaningful or outside the box, someone (usually the DM) turns it into a joke where me/my character is the punchline.

and like im the least experienced player at the table and the only woman, so i just feel like I'm constantly being lowkey mocked or belittled or or talked down to.

ex:

the prestidigitation thing

i tried to probe an NPC for info & two people said my character was being a total bitch

i tried to pull one of the party members aside for a private conversation & one of the other players derailed it. when i said "i was trying to be private" the PLAYER responded "give me a stealth check"

i tried to have a sweet moment with my character's brother by casting darkness and giving him a hug and it got turned into a joke

later tried to have another sweet moment with my character's brother by twincasting mage armor on both of us only to be told he already had mage armor and being forced to backtrack in front of the rest of the party and looking like an idiot.

while the DM was describing a bunch of stuff I typed "mage armor" in the chat to signify I was casting it during the sequence of events and got told "nice try"

i told the DM i wanted to rp my character having memory problems. he said "sure, just clear it with the other players" i did and everyone was fine with it. when i tried to rp it, the DM said "no, you remember that." when i tried to argue the DM replied "sure, let's grind the plot to a halt" even though that was never my intention.

and these are all just examples from the previous two sessions. if i go back farther there's more.

I know I'm partially being paranoid and oversensitive. but i just feel like no one takes me seriously and everything i do is fodder to be mocked and belittled.

[cottoncandy-jester]

✨lie down darling Its time for a dream✨

Faking it (dad squad)

So basically this is what happens if the dad squad found out reader faked an orgasm before

This is of course 18+ and the reader is female

Daichi suwamura

Okay so daichi honestly was never worried about y'all sex life

Like you moan his name everytime why is he worried

It's when you and the rest of the karasuno group get drunk and play truth of dare

When it's your turn.. you're drunk off six shots of tequila and tanaka asks you to reveal your deepest secret

"okay okay! Sooo during me and daichi's fourth anniversary, we fucked and I may have totally faked it"

Wait what.

WHAT?!

Everyone else is laughing but daichi is over here having a mental breakdown

You did what?!

How many more have you faked?! Were they all fake?! Did he ever really make you cum?

It did not take long for daichi to drag you away to the nearest bathroom

You gasp when daichi pinned you against the wall his mouth attacking your neck while his hands roamed your body now gripping your hips as he ripped your panties off.

"faked an orgasm?! Damn it how many did you fake? Doesn't matter don't tell me. I'm going to fuck you against this wall and you are going to cum over and over til I know for sure you like having sex with me"

He fucked you until you couldn't think anymore, he also made sure EVERYONE heard it.

Tooru oikawa

You were having girl talk with the other managers and the topic of sex came up

They all assume he's some sex god which makes you laugh

Oikawa is honestly such a dork during sex that you couldn't help but spills beans

"honestly he was so nervous during our first time, It was so cute..though he didn't really make me.. y'know"

Oh BOY

News travelled fast and before you know it at 4am you had a pissed oikawa at your door

The loud harsh banging interrupted your sleep and you went to the door only to see oikawa standing there, your sleepy eyes trailed his body up and down and you noticed he was gripping his phone so tight his knuckles turned white, you didn't even get to speak when the male stormed inside and let's out a frustrated sigh.

"why are rumors about me being bad in bed spreading around?!"

"I dunno...maybe you have a hater, babe it's like 4am..why are you here?"

Oikawa snapped his head towards you before walking towards you anger fuming towards you before he gripped your arm tightly.

"everyone is saying you started the rumor, so tell me little cutie what the fuck have you been saying?"

Your eyes got wide as the conversation with the girls resurfaced in your head and you softly reached out to put your hands on his cheeks which made him relax but he was still clearly annoyed.

"sorry, tooru it was just one little story. Girl talk y'know and it's fine lots of people can't make their partner cum their first time you just ha-"

You were cut off by the male roughly pulling you towards your room, everytime you tried to speak oikawa would glare at you before demanding that you shut up. Once in your room he pushed you on the bed his ego clearing having dropped now that you admitted the truth.

"I am good at sex! I am Great! I just have to prove to you that you are with the best man ever"

As he spoke he started to strip before his cold glare landed on you before he crawled ontop and wrapped a hand around your throat.

"you are going to be begging me to stop making you cum once I'm done with you"

He made you tell everyone that you cummed extra hard that night, even if it was super embarrassing to say.

Tetsuro kuroo

You two were arguing

It started with him being jealous of a person at work flirting with you and it just blew up

Screams and swears shooting back at the other

Low blows were dealt

You both don't even remember what the fight was about

Then..you said it

"God you are so cocky! It's shit like that, that make me fake orgasms during sex"

He shut up after that one for sure

All he can think about was how many did you fake and how he failed as your lover

Why didn't you tell him you weren't feeling good during sex?

Kuroo remained quiet as he let his brain think, after saying it you quickly walked over and hugged him hoping he wasn't angry at you

"baby! I'm sorry I didn't mean it, I was just upset and you were just upset you forgive me yeah?"

"how many times?"

"that doe-"

"how many damn times?!"

You flinched when he forced you to look at him showing pain in his eyes and you couldn't help but be honest with him.

"only a few, during those times where I was just really sleepy that's it"

Kuroo let's out a shaky sigh before he peppered soft kisses along your neck. He was pretty hurt at the moment but he did want to make it up to you, plus make up sex was always good

"come, let's talk this out yeah?"

His tone was soft as he guided you to the bedroom thought talking wasn't the plan he had, he wanted to make you see stars and make sure he could actually make you cum.

Koutaro bokuto

Okay so maybe it wasn't a good idea to pump up bokuto's ego every time you guys have sex

All your praise makes him think he's the best in the world

But when it came time for a girls night at you and bokuto's place stuff starts to spill

You told bokuto to spend the night at akaashi or something but you didnt think he would come home

"sooo [y/n]! How is bokuto in bed?! We gotta know"

The question made you embarrassed while bokuto stood outside you guys' bedroom listening in

Yes dear wife tell them how my sex is the best in the world

"koutaro, tries his best. Sometimes he gets a little too excited and cums early so he gets too tired to finish and we end up cuddling before I can climax so I just fake it"

WHAT?!

Bokuto automatically swings the door open scaring both you and the girls

He is legit tearing up and about to sob

After, very quickly telling the girls to leave he cries into your stomach while you pet his head

"why didn't you tell me?! I would have made it all better"

"oh..kou..it's no big deal"

Your soothing which would usually work just wasn't working right now, bokuto sniffled as he looked up at you with tearful eyes, you were his baby owl and he couldnt even make you feel good?!

He couldn't believe that! No he won't accept that! Before you can respond bokuto pushed you down on the bed before starting to pull your pants and underwear off your body

"kou! W-what the hell?!"

"just let me do this please! I need to know that I can do this, I just want you to be happy with me..so..let me worship you"

You were shocked but shuddered at the feeling of soft kisses against your inner thigh, with one final sniffle bokuto was now focused on something else.

He proceeded to eat you out that night until you cummed so much that you was sobbing but by the end of it he was so happy to know that he can make you cum and of course he was more mindful about your needs.

Wakatoshi ushijima

Oh jeez

Okay so he makes it very clear that bedroom talk is off limits

What you two do in bed is your business hell you guys don't really talk about sex and spend more time just doing it

You are very tight lipped about your sex life but tendou Is a very stubborn guy

He is constantly asking you what's it like..mostly cause he wants to tease wakatoshi

After finally bothering you to the point where you wanna hit him you confess

"toshi is great okay?! I mean sure he has his moments of not really getting me there but it's good so stop asking!"

OHOHOHO HE HAS TO KNOW MORE

after explaining that wakatoshi tends to be boringly vanilla you expect him to let it go

No bitch this is tendou 'i give no fucks' satori

Proceeds to tease wakatoshi about it every chance he gets

"wow who knew you could be boring in all departments"

"sooooo, you really like it vanilla huh?"

Of course oblivious wakatoshi doesn't pay him any mind until a drunk tendou spills the beans

"guess who told me that you're boring in bedddd~ pfft she said you are so slow that it is like fucking a box"

You of course didn't say that but you were shocked to see wakatoshi at your door the next day

"did you tell tendou about our sex life?"

Well fuck.

you honestly should have expected this. You let out a shaky sigh as you merely avoided eye contact you felt pretty embarrassed and ashamed

"yeah, sorry toshi he kept bugging me about it"

"you telling him is not why I'm upset"

You were honestly shocked and looked up only to see wakatoshi's face close to yours, his eyes were intense and honestly gave you chills.

"did you say I was boring during sex? Is this true?"

"um..yeah but it's okay I mean it's still good it's just very..typical I mean we do the same stuff all the time and you just tend to be, slow"

Wakatoshi was a little shocked by your words but he calmly sighed and ran his fingers through his hair as he tried to think of what exactly he needed to do.

"then my future wife, allow me to spend the night making you feel good instead of myself, you can tell me exactly what I need to do in order to bring you to climax again and again."

And you did exactly that, he was quite obedient and even did things he never done before just so he can make you feel good.

[dearjamesxo]

[drabble under cut]

They’re on their way to wish Bea luck when it happens.

Billy, Spike and Jessie trudge against the midafternoon crowd, Spike boasting a story from his childhood – no doubt exaggerated to the moon to impress Jessie. Billy listens with half an ear, hands stuffed in his pockets and eyes on the ground. He doesn’t react when someone bumps into him.

“He’s in a mood,” Jessie teases to Spike when Spike tries, for the fourth time, to include Billy in the conversation.

Spike snorts, “I can see that. Which is why I’m trying to cheer ‘im up.” He sidles into Billy’s space, claps a friendly hand on Billy’s shoulder and asks, “Come on, mate, who shoved that monumental stick up your arse?”

Billy’s jaw twitches. He tucks his chin into his chest and hunches further into himself, hoping to relay how much he doesn’t want to talk about it.

“Is it the whole we’re not good enough tripe?” Spike questions, rolling a hand in the air to encompass the tripe he’s referring to. “Because the way I look at it, we got lucky. Who wants to go to a stuffy old ball anyway?” Spike’s tone suggests he does, but Billy refrains from pointing it out, “Let Bea and the good doctor go and deal with all that crap, while we—” He leans back and grins across the breadth of Billy’s shoulders, winks at Jessie, “—get to enjoy ourselves!”

Billy doesn’t respond, simply shrugs and keeps his pace, his shoulder colliding with another man’s. Again, Billy doesn’t even seem to register that the man told him to, watch where yer goin’!

Yes, Billy’s in a mood, definitely, but it doesn’t have anything to do with Bea or Watson or the ball Spike mentioned. In fact, it was Billy’s idea to go find Bea before Watson collects her at Mrs. Smith’s shoppe.

As usual, Watson’s swanning Bea off to perform for another investigation, some undercover business that apparently, “Only Beatrice has the maturity and patience to pull off,” thanks for the confidence, “the rest of you will merely serve to attract unwanted attention.” As if Bea done up like a gateau de savoie won't attract attention. Although Bea has learned to carry herself less woodenly than she did, she isn't exactly graceful when laced into a gown. Jessie's the better candidate, equipped with supernatural powers to boot, but Watson's mind was made up. Besides, Billy's noticed that he and Bea have some sort of connection; they seem to get each other in a way that leaves everyone else behind.

Howbeit, Watson’s condescending remark isn’t what gets Billy’s dander up either. That honor goes to His Royal Highness, Prince I-Have-To-Escort-Helena. Not that Billy wants to go through the trouble of pampering and primping for a ball he’s sure he’ll hate every minute of. But Leo could’ve at least had the courtesy to pretend he was regretful, since he already has so much experience pretending to be something he isn’t.

Billy scowls at his shoes, kicks a pebble harder than he means to. He ducks his head and picks up his pace when he hears a strangled yelp and sees, from the corner of his eye, a man clasp his ankle and hop on one foot.

Oops.

It’s then that the short hairs at the back of his neck rise, his scalp tingles, the sensation of being watched shivering up Billy's spine. He lifts his chin and, immediately, his gaze is drawn to the end of the street.

“Isn’t that—?” Jessie starts, tugging Billy’s wrist to get his attention. Then, much quieter, under her breath, “Oh,” as if she's figured something out.

Billy yanks his wrist out of her light grasp and squares his shoulders, ignorant of the utterly baffled Spike sends Jessie behind his back. “Wait here,” he gruffs and stalks toward the end of the street. Or more precisely, toward who lingers there.

“We’ll meet you!” Spike calls after him and wraps an arm around Jessie. She tries to resist, head craning, but Spike guides her down the cross street in the direction of Mrs. Smith’s shoppe.

Like a wolf preparing to lunge, Billy stalks toward Leo, expression hard and fists clenched. Leo returns the sentiment with a rigid, neutral set to his features, stare unwavering. Billy inwardly chastises himself for the heat of desire that rushes through him upon seeing Leo. No matter how pissed he is with the prince, Billy can never deny how attractive Leo is like this, all lofty courage and attitude, golden against the smutty backdrop of the Marylebone rookery. God, Billy wants to strip Leo of his finery, fuck him until he remembers who he really belongs to. And it isn't, Billy thinks in a possessive growl, Helena.

Theirs will never be a public romance, a reality Billy understood from the start, only it didn't feel so impossibly cruel until the moment Leo casually mentioned he would be attending the very ball Bea and Watson would with Helena on his arm. As if he wasn't lounging between Billy's legs, his back to Billy's chest, his fingers laced with Billy's. It never ceases to amaze Billy how terrible Leo is at reading a room because Jessie's discomfited expression alone should've been a clue that something wasn't right. Even so, Billy kept his mouth shut because he's supposed to be fine with it, isn't he?

Easier said than done, Billy knows now.

As much as they - Billy and Leo and Leo and Helena - have an agreement, it still cuts deep when Billy has to step aside so Leo can appease his mother by flaunting the person society deems Leo's best match.

“What’re you doing here?” Billy demands to know the instant he’s within earshot.

Leo flinches slightly, then musters the confidence to say, “I’d like to have a word.”

“With your side piece?” Billy mocks disbelief, “I’ll bet.”

“Billy, please, if you would just listen—”

Billy’s in front of Leo now, standing at the closeness he’s grown accustomed to since he and Leo became he and Leo. He didn’t mean to narrow the distance so quickly, wants to hold on to the anger because it’s easier, except that to put himself anywhere else in Leo’s orbit feels intrinsically wrong.

“Better make it quick, your highness,” Billy sneers, “I’m sure your lady doesn’t like to be kept waiting.”

“For goodness’ sake,” Leo erupts through gritted teeth, though his tone maintains a respectable volume as propriety demands, “I’m not going.”

This stops Billy's mounting rage in its tracks, all at once replaced with a confusion that shows itself on Billy's face. A simple “What?” tumbles out of his mouth as he frowns at Leo as if Leo told him the sky is actually green.

“I’m not going.” Leo repeats.

Billy grabs Leo by the upper arm and drags him out of the middle of the crowded street, into a narrow lane that separates the butcher’s and an Indian-owned tearoom. Leo doesn’t resist, allows Billy to manhandle him, and stops moving altogether when Billy pushes him against the brick wall just inside the lane. Suddenly, Billy’s flooded with concern.

“What happened?” Because it has to be something awful if Leo can shirk his responsibility for the evening. “Is Helena alright?”

Leo’s brows furrow, eyes flickering between Billy’s, down to hover on Billy’s mouth before they slip to the ground where they remain. He huffs a humorless laugh, “Helena’s fine, you massive boor.” and slumps against the wall Billy has him pinned to by the shoulders, defeat obvious in his posture.

“Then what—?”

“It’s you!”

Well, that can't be right. Leo's never missed an engagement his mother's insisted upon for Billy in the weeks they've been, well, them. Billy has to make sure, “Me?”

Gesturing helplessly with one hand, Leo explains, “How can I go and act as though I care about anything my mother’s contemporaries have to say when all I can think about is you, here, upset with me?” A tiny smile curls Billy’s mouth, “I love you, you idiot.” Leo says as though he's said it a thousand times - he hasn't, this is the first and Leo doesn't appear to notice he's shared such an important declaration in the middle of a rant. Billy wants to say it back all the more for it. “Helena made a fuss when I told her, practically pushed me out the window so I would come find you.”

Floating on a wave of giddiness, assuaged by Leo's words, Billy remembers how much he likes Helena. Helena who has her Henrik in Münster and swore not to intrude on Leo's relationship with Billy as long as Leo issues her the same respect.

Billy leans in and places his forehead against Leo’s, hands sliding from Leo’s shoulders to cradle Leo’s jaw, resting the pads of his thumbs gently at the corners of Leo’s mouth. A small chuckle escapes him, unable to contain it, and Billy shuffles forward to press their bodies flush from waist to hips to knees, fondly brushes the tips of their noses, then tilts his head and captures Leo’s lips in a sweet yet hot-hungry kiss.

When he pulls back, he wonders, “Or maybe it’s Helena I should be thanking?” He hooks a thumb over his shoulder, smiling playfully, “Should I be kissing her instead?”

Eyes in grumpy, feline slits, Leo protests, “Don’t you dare.”

“Mm, you’re right, she’s really not my type.”

Abruptly, Billy untangles himself from Leo, bends enough to grab Leo by the back of the thighs and lifts. Leo cries out shrilly, startled, the action forcing his legs to wrap around Billy’s waist and his arms to lock around Billy’s neck. Cackling, Billy pins Leo with his body, his fingers kneading the sensitive flesh just below Leo’s arse, eliciting a moan that he swallows greedily.

“Is this really the appropriate time?” Leo pants, throwing his head back when Billy grinds their hips together, making them both groan.

“Not even a little bit.”

As Billy leans in for another kiss, Leo interrupts by putting two fingers to Billy's lips. “Perhaps,” He says, voice pitched suggestively, “We should take this elsewhere,” Here, Leo kitten licks Billy’s parted lips, darts his tongue into Billy's mouth quickly, moves on to dot Billy’s jaw with a trail of dry kisses. He reaches Billy's ear and continues in a whisper, “Somewhere you can spread me open,” A nip to Billy’s earlobe, “And show me what happens when I upset you?”

Billy's cock twitches in interest. He takes in Leo’s pink cheeks and glassy, blown eyes, decides, “Sounds like a marvelous idea.”

In a swift sequence of motions, Billy drops Leo to his feet, carefully repositions him, crouches, and then hoists Leo over his shoulder. Spike was right, Billy grins, patting the swell of one of Leo's arse cheeks in victory, who wants to go to a stuffy old ball, anyway?

[pa-panda-heroes]

Ok so the LOV with super soft s/o, like she sings for them when they're having trouble sleeping, makes them good meals, cuddles+kisses, BUT one day, someone else tries to steal her attention and they don't realize how touch-starved they were until now, because they can't spend 1 hour without her kisses 😂💞

This is cute! I struggled with these a little, so I hope this is what you wanted! I tried doing a scenario but couldn’t get it to work 😔

~🐼

LoV and someone trying to steal their super soft s/o!

Tomura:

I can see Tomura jumping back and forth between “I’m a grown ass man and a dangerous ass villain” and “take care of me and spoil me because you’re the first person who’s ever loved me.” So honestly? He’s not going to respond well!

He’d stumble upon you and the offender accidentally, and it wouldn’t take him long to figure out what was going on.

If it’s another member of the League, it will really set him off. He’s the leader, damn it, and you’re his. They know that! So what the hell are they doing?! It won’t be a bloodbath, obviously, but he’s not behind threatening.

But if it’s some random out on the streets, his inner tantrum becomes less inner and more outer. He’ll tell off and threaten the stranger, and then he’ll latch onto you like “hey, what the hell was that?” If he’s in a particularly bad mood, things will get bloody.

Believe or not, he was worried there for a second! He can’t let anyone take you away! What would he do without your lovely lullabies to help him sleep and your cooking to keep him fed and nourished?

It makes him appreciate you more, to know that at any moment you could saunter off with someone else a non-villain but all your love and affection is directed at him anyway.

But anyway, when all is said and done and your focus is back on him, he’s going to be clingy. But quiet. And brooding. His saltiness knows no bounds!

The best way to relieve his broodiness and stop his pout is to assure him that you have no intentions of leaving him and how special he is to you!

Mr. Compress:

He’s not going to be as childish and possessive as Tomura, but he’s not going to be thrilled that someone is trying to get your attention in a way he doesn’t like.

He’s a mature adult, he’s going to handle it like one. Mr. will watch whoever it is try to woo you over, waiting to step in if the person makes you overly uncomfortable, and mentally give you a pat on the forehead as you show your disinterest in the person and try to get them to back off, politely.

Then he just has to take a breath. People are vying for the amazing, kind-hearted you - of course they are! - but to no avail, because you’re with him and you care for him. Hah! In their faces!

Maybe he’s a little immature about it, but how could he not be happy? You make him happy.

His adoration for you spills over in that moment, because by the skies above he can’t live without you. Now he’s the one showering you in cuddles and kisses!

And he’s not above asking for you to return the favor.

After this, Mr. will be pretty outright with how he feels, he’s not going to pull punches in letting you know how much he appreciates what you do.

And he’ll return the favor much more often, too. He’ll cook whatever it is you ask him for - he’s a perfectionist so it’s always going to be good - or coddle you if you’re having a bad day.

Twice:

He’ll be a little off-put by the situation, pouting from afar and wondering how you will respond to the other person.

Like Mr., he’s not going to step in unless he thinks you’re in danger. In which case, he’s charging in screaming like a madman hoping that alone will send the offender running.

Oh my god you told them off and turned them away holy-

His lungs forcefully toss out the quantity of air he’d been holding in as he watches you turn around and beam at him before making your way over.

And then he’ll just latch onto you and feel like never letting go because that was pure torture to watch. You’re the sole thing that brings him normalcy and reminds him that hey, life isn’t so bad, so he doesn’t want you to leave! He couldn’t bear it!

He’ll be right by your side for the rest of the day, no matter what your plans are. He’ll follow you around like a starved pup, with a little less pep in his step than usual. He’s still afraid of losing you, after all.

Twice hates to go without your cuddles or kisses. Then, he remembers you turned the other person down, and realizes maybe it’s the same way for you.

Needless to say the next time some tries to steal your attention, he’s not going to sit idly by!

Himiko:

It’s going to royally piss her off. She won’t confront the person or you directly; instead, she’ll linger behind you and leer at the other party like she’s plotting their murder - and she is.

Himiko loves having someone around to spoil her, someone who’s not going to look at her with repulsivity and glare because of her quirk or personality.

So she’s not going to take someone else trying to steal you away lightly. If her glare doesn’t make them wet their pants in fear and she has to resort to slitting their throat in front of you, she will.

If she thinks you’d prefer it that way, she’ll just send them off with a menacing threat to get them to back off, instead of slaughtering them where they stand like she’d want to.

And she’ll be ridiculously clingy afterward.

She’ll smother you in kisses and rub her cheek all over you like a cat claiming you, cooing at you and giving you all sorts of compliments.

She’ll be even more selfish when it comes to you. She’ll thank you more vehemently for cooking, she’ll huddle up to you a little closer, and she’ll relish in your smooches more.

Himiko is a little afraid of losing you, all of what she does makes it more apparent than before. She can’t outright tell you how much you mean to her, so she’ll show you.

Dabi:

Dabi isn’t the greatest at receiving or giving affection, but eventually he gets used to it. Not good at it, used to it.

And Dabi, being the possessive ass he is, won’t just sit and watch as someone tries to woo you, unless he conjures up a plan that involves sitting back and watching before he strolls up and does something... obscene.

He has no filter whatsoever - it’s common knowledge by now. So he’s going to stroll right up to the dimwit trying to steal you away and tell them off like his tongue is the sharpest in all of Japan and he’s damn good at it - which he is.

And if they sass back or try to fight him on it? May All Might himself help them! He’s not going to pull punches, even if you’re there to see.

Needless to say, he’ll come out on top and get you away from whatever happened. And to say he’s a jealous creature is an understatement.

He’s going to be all over you, hugging you from behind, resting his head on your shoulder, or leaving hickeys in obvious places so that the next asshole who comes along knows not to even try.

Maybe he’ll willingly, verbally express how much that incident dug into his skin, or how glad he is that you’re around. But it’ll be hardest to pry out of him how much it scared him.

Because for a second it did scare him. For a second, he thought he’d lost the sole person who loved him for who he was, despite who he was and what he was capable of.

Spinner:

He’s not going to be happy or docile. He’s not going to be pissed and violent. But he will be upset at least.

Spinner won’t confront you or the other party, because he doesn’t want to come off as jealous and uneasy and scare you away.

He’s upset for obvious reasons, but also upset because he’s just now realizing how important you are to him, and he feels like a dolt. Maybe he even feels like he’s not given you proper appreciation, taking it all and not giving you anything in return.

Obviously, he’s relieved when you walk away and latch onto him because you just know he saw it, and you can see what he’s thinking on his face.

He’ll pout for a while, and he just can’t hide it very well.

All you have to do is ask him if he’s alright and suddenly the tables have turned for the day - he’s coddling you and trying to cook for you. He’s not the best cook, but he tries, as a way of showing you that he appreciates you and holy hell he can’t go an hour without your spoiling him.

From then on, he’s going to tell you more often how much he appreciates what you do for him and try in his own way to make up for it.

Spinner won’t be clingy per se, but he’ll put more effort into helping you out, whether it’s helping you cook or doing something like a snack run for you.

[peter-tschirky]

"Sally Can't Dance" - Lou Reed (1974)

In 1973 Lou Reed followed up his most commercial release, Transformer, with his most ambitious album, Berlin. It was produced by Bob Ezrin, responsible for Alice Cooper’s most overambitious works School’s Out and Billion Dollar Babies. Like the two Cooper albums Berlin was overly serious and full of the overbearing weight of its self-importance. Whether this is attributable to Ezrin is open to debate. It seemed like Reed really put all his chips on Berlin and boasted at the time that it was the greatest thing he ever recorded in his lengthy and outrageous career.Berlin lacked a hit single like a baseball pitcher lacked a right arm and quickly tanked. Reed, embittered by its failure, responded to its sad fate by assembling a top-notch stadium style heavy metal band performing Velvet Underground covers. It was so simultaneously brilliant and vindictive at the same time, with the great irony being that the resulting live album Rock & Roll Animal became his great selling album, even outdoing the legendary Transformer album. The double irony was that the guitarists, Dick Wagner and Steve Hunter had previously played with Alice Cooper (behind the curtain, covering for Glen Buxton).Lou continued chasing a dollar by following up Rock & Roll Animal by recording Sally Can’t Dance, an album that showcased a more commercial Lou, something very New York and very Seventies. Although the album did respectably, many fans found it a bit of a sell-out. It was their loss, however, because I consider it one of his most decadent works.Like a David Hockney painting, Sally Can’t Dance is a languid document of images of excess degenerating into lazy decadence. It’s far more reminiscent to my mind of the Seventies than any other work of his. I can almost remember every facet of West Hollywood in that era when I hear that album.Sally Can’t Dance begins with Ride Sally Ride, a classic somber ballad by Reed that recalls earlier tunes like Femme Fatale, about a played-out party girl. “Sit yourself down, take off your pants, don’t you know this is a party”, Reed croons to a quiet piano and French horn. “Ooh, isn’t it nice? When your heart is made out of ice”. The song ends with a false joyous fanfare of disco horns and backup girl singers.The next song Animal Language was a silly song about pets getting down and dirty with each other. I think Reed wrote this song just to piss off his most ardent purists by coming up with the silliest lyrics he could come up with. He succeeded with flying colors, as the gang from Creem Magazine shamed him for years for recording this silly song.Baby Face and NY Stars are classic Reed songs about drugged out monsters walking all over each other and using everyone in their path. While Baby Face has a lazy Quaalude aura mirrored in its hypnotic electric piano riff, NY Stars counters with a furious, coked out irritability in the pounding rhythm and scratchy funk guitar. Reed sings NY Stars in a cold, vampiric voice laden with echo, “Remember, we’re very good at games”.The second side of Sally Can’t Dance features more cold, echo Lou vocals on Kill Your Sons, his semi-autobiographic tale of being committed to Creedmore State Psychiatric Hospital by his parents. “All the drugs that we took sure were lots of fun, but when they shoot you up with thorazine and crystal smoke it makes you choke like a son of a gun”. All this institutionalized meds talk endeared Reed to William S. Burroughs. In Victor Bockris’ book With William Burroughs there are many accounts of Reed and Burroughs discussing psychotropic medications at great length.Ennui, like Baby Face, is another bizarre cabaret ballad with Lou doing his finest crooning, but then there’s the title track Sally Can’t Dance, with its big disco horn section and girls oohing and aahing while Lou spits out hilarious lyrics like, “She was the first girl in my neighborhood to wear tie-dyed pants, LIKE SHE SHOULD. She was the first girl that I’ve ever seen that had flowers painted on her jeans”. Anyway, the punch line is that this once badass chick is now a drug-wrecked car crash.

Lou goes further into East Village detail, like her rent-controlled apartment. It’s actually a very funny song.The album ends with Billy, a great song about a childhood friend who was the model high school student and major source of envy, now returned from Vietnam with a major heroin habit. The lyrics and sharp and incredibly poignant, punctuated by Lou crooning over an acoustic guitar and a wailing saxophone. Like Sally, Billy is a study in drug-induced ruin, and who better to report on their downfall than Lou Reed.There’s a great sense of loss and sadness to the album, inspired partially by the public’s inability to understand Reed and also by Reed’s refusal to fit in the music marketplace (he eventually conformed to every expectation made of him, but it wouldn‘t happen for another 20 years).I think Sally Can’t Dance is a greater album than Berlin because in spite of all the decadence and ruin Reed manages to slip in enough deadpan humor all through the record – even in the tragic Billy Lou cracks, “Billy studied medicine while I studied foliage”. He couldn’t resist a joke here and there irregardless of the tragedy. I like that.Sally Can’t Dance deserves a second look as a great Lou Reed album. Trashy, yes; funny, definitely; sad, absolutely, but also every bit as eloquent as a John Cheever short story. When a decadent rock album recalls great literature you need to give it a closer listen.