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sneakydraws · 4 years ago

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Well, here it is - a lengthy explanation of each card in my mdzs major arcana deck and what I meant to convey/what i would have changed in retrospect/what alternatives i considered! It’s a bit messy and my typing style is lazy but hopefully it will be an interesting read to some of you :)

And so you don’t say I didn’t warn you - jiang cheng’s section (11 justice) is absurdly long lmao

0 the fool I elaborated on this in the post itself but yeah basically jin ling is kind of representative of all the damage and trauma caused by the past, and there’s a kind of danger there of him falling victim to the same vices as the older characters and repeating the same mistakes and perpetuating the cycle of war and misery (the cycle that we already see with how the jin sect became the new wen sect, and later with how jgy became the new wwx) and he has a lot of room to grow! He grows so much over the course of the novel, comes to realise the complexities of the past and gets a harsh life lesson in how nothing is as black and white as it seems. But ill save talking about his progress for the end, for now whats important is that he has room to grow and also a dog. I don’t really have a justification for the sun, i mostly just thought it looked sick? It made its way to the next card as well, where it makes a bit more sense, but then i realised it was a dumb motif to include 1 the magician I still very much like wwx for the role, and that illustration would have probably had him raising a corpse on his left and pointing threateningly to the sun on his right. I considered including the table as well, with some mdzs relevant items replacing the card suits. Anyway, like i said wwx got a few cards to himself already so i went with the alternative wq design, since i think she fits the card as well. Both she and wwx are highly skilled people, extremely driven once they set their mind to something. The card to me symbolises the creative mind as well as a general drive for action, which fits them both - wwx was famously a prolific inventor, and wq came up with a previously unheard of surgery, after all. This card strays pretty far from the rider-waite deck design, largely because i was still figuring out how i wanted to approach this series, but you can still see the influence. 2 the high priestess I was actually going to skip this card at first because I couldn’t think of a fitting character, but once i considered a qings character post death, it all fit pretty well. She was already a highly intuitive person in life, and in sharing her memories with wwx she is, in a way, relaying a kind of secret knowledge. Anyway she’s one of my fav characters so im glad i got a chance to include her. The coffins could be interpreted to be xxc and sl or xxc and xy 3 the empress Theres other mother figures in mdzs who got to be mothers for a longer time, but jyl definitely embodies the positive aspects of this card the best. She’s nurturing, kind, emotionally supportive, she already mothered wwx and jc quite a bit when she was young. Plus i liked that the rw card had both water and flowers, making an easy lotus connection. In retrospect the stars look kind of out of place and i should have replaced them with something more relevant... Also, i should have had her hold a lotus seed pod instead of a flower, haha 4 the emperor Like i said I considered jc for the role but hoching bullied me into admitting that nmj was better… they’re both more of an inverted emperor than an upright one but then again theres hardly any character in mdzs who would fit upright emperor so. Jgs was also considered but he’s even uglier than nmj so i couldn’t bear to draw him 5 the hierophant It was pointed out to me that lqr would have fit this card better and the truth if that statement haunts me to this day. Unfortunately I have no space in my brain for lqr so lxc got the role instead. My main reason was his role during the wen destruction of gusu lan, when he ran away with the contents of the library - this is why there’s bookshelves behind him. The keys, take, from the rider-waite deck, are meant to represent the gusu pendants that allow you to enter 6 the lovers Im sure many people would have chosen wangxian here but I uhh don’t really care abt wangxian personally? And also their love story is so convoluted that jyl and jzx seem idyllic by comparison lol. Also i didnt really have an idea for who to put in the angel’s place for wangxian… mme jin certainly did not get these two together in the end but undeniably she and mme yu did initially give them a chance to fall for each other so. Thats something i guess. Anyway the trees became their sects’ flowers and the mountain became the burial grounds - an omen of their tragic fate, basically 7 the chariot There might have been other characters who fit this card better but i couldn’t really think of another card for lwj and i thought it would be weird to not include him… anyway i don’t really care for current timeline lwj BUT i do like that he was clearly influenced by wwx to walk his own path in life based on his moral convictions rather than follow his sect’s rules blindly. The chariot is to me a card of self control, self determination and focused action, so it seemed fitting. The composition felt kind of empty without the actual chariot so i padded it out with the guqin, the cloud recess in the bg (it doesn’t look great but i tried to replicate the drama design….) and the bunnies which conveniently fit the colour scheme of the sphinxes in the rider-waite design 8 strength Like i said before, my interpretation of this card is more… morally ambiguous than the quote unquote official meaning, so i thought about manipulative or duplicitous characters more than kind characters whose strength is expressed through gentleness (though i did consider jyl briefly for the latter interpretation). As such, i considered both jgy and nhs, but ended up going with jgy largely because i couldn’t pass up the opportunity to put the nie sect’s beast as the lion. 9 the hermit My thoughts immediately went to bssr lol. It may be an overly literal interpretation but whatever, i like it just fine. And i like that i managed to echo the rider-waite silhouette in the mountain and the tree (and even in bssr herself) 10 wheel of fortune God i love the parallels between these 2… this card to me is about how you cant trust your current situation, good or bad, to last forever, and these 2 embody that perfectly imo. Wwx went from son of a well off servant and a powerful cultivator, to street rat orphan, to adopted son of sect leader jiang, to double orphan, to MIA, to terrifying but admired warrior, to terrifying and despised traitor, to dead, to, at the very end, suddenly respected and trusted again. The dishonesty and cheapness of whatever the public’s current opinion of him is is portrayed beautifully as far as im concerned. And jgy of course claws his way up to power only to instantaneously become public enemy number one, to the point that he’s probably blamed for stuff there’s no reason to believe he had a hand in. Wei wuxian’s silent astonishment at how quickly the cultivation world turns against jgy and towards him again is a delicious moment of thematic resonance. 11 justice I settled on this card for jc after he got booted from the emperor seat but i do think it fits, in a somewhat convoluted way. I turned both the sword and the scales into visual representations of the golden core transfer (can you tell im obsessed with it). According to biddy tarot, the justice card is partly about searching for the truth, and the scene where jc finds out about the transfer is of course a big deal. I was also very influenced by the reversed meaning again - which is about being reluctant or unwilling to face or accept the consequences of your actions. I feel on an intuitive level that this fits jc but I’m not sure how well i can explain it - it’s something about how he’s a little too comfortable scapegoating wwx for things that were also, if much less so, influenced by his actions, and also something about the way he keeps wwx at an arm’s length emotionally but still leans on him and accepts his support when he really needs it, and somewhat hypocritically expects wwx to put the needs of him and the jiang sect before the needs of others. And also something about the core exchange is the consequence and proof of wwx’s deep - terrifyingly deep, even - love and care for him, which is something jc doesn’t seem to let himself acknowledge. Maybe even something about how you could argue that the way all of the jiangs acted around wwx - jfm’s favouritism that left him with the feeling of a debt he needs to repay, mme yus insistence that he be a servant more than a brother to jc, prepared to give his life for jc, and jc’s own unwillingness - or inability, he was a child after all - to clearly acknowledge wwx as an equal to himself, enabling wwx’s self sacrificial and protective tendencies - that all of this was what caused wwx’s complete and unquestioning willingness to do whatever it took to protect jc, and therefore paved the way to the golden core transfer. And i don’t mean this to be scapegoating jc - especially considering how young he was when this all went down, it wouldn’t be fair to expect this level of emotional perceptiveness, awareness and maturity of him - but i think adult jc has to grapple with the fact that the chain of cause and effect was not as simple as wwx fucking everyone’s lives up to be a martyr, and that both jc and his parents had a role in that story as well. I don’t even necessarily think this is something that jc only realised in the current timeline - i think it’s something he felt on some level this whole time, and it probably led to a lot of feelings of guilt - but the suibian reveal definitely puts it in sharp focus, and i think he’s now better equipped to handle this introspection than he was as a recently orphaned, traumatised teenager, lol. ANYWAY the window with the fabric is both a nod to the rider-waite design and a reference to the destruction of lanling - i actually did some basic ass research for this, and it seems that in ancient china fabric would indeed be hanged in a window if the normally used paper was damaged. The design of the window, as well as the very idea to use it to imply the reconstruction of lanling, was taken from this great piece of jc angst by my pal moroll1! Oh yeah also the covered window kind of works as a denial of forgiveness for jc because it’s like a halo but covered up... Also I completely forgot to put a blindfold over his eyes which would be perfectttt because blind justice and the core exchange......... ok moving on 12 the hanged man I always have issues with this card because i cant find a satisfactory summary of what it’s really about. Best i can tell it symbolises a need to hit pause, surrender or let go of something… ive also seen it tied to sacrifice? So mo xuanyu doesn’t fit perfectly, but sacrifice is definitely there in a surface level reading kind of way, and the idea that you have to surrender or let go in order to achieve your goal does fit the whole deal of getting revenge but giving up your life in exchange and not being there to see it 13 death This is probably one of my favourite cards, definitely not because I have huge issues with change or anything…. I see this card as signalling the necessity of change or putting an end to something / leaving something in the past in order to start anew? At first i considered putting past wwx, mxy and current wwx here as a kind of transformation and one cycle flowing into the next... But firstly, I’d already used mxy in the very previous card, so putting him in again would feel like overkill, and secondly, the longer I thought about it the less convinced I was that this would even fit with the card’s meaning? Because coming back from the dead doesn’t like... trigger an internal transformation within wwx or anything? Anyway, fun fact: the design I ended up going with was actually originally intended for judgement! I thought I was being very clever with the whole “figure plays an instrument and the dead rise” parallel, but apparently I’d just completely forgotten that the judgement card had a completely different composition... Truly I was boo boo the fool... But yeah anyway at the end of the day I figured the design would kind of work for death as well, with Wen Ning and the theme of transformation, (since in his case coming back as a fierce corpse does actually mark a certain transformation in behaviour) and Wei Wuxian’s protection of the Wen people essentially signifying an attempt to break the cycle of oppression if that makes any sense? Like, wwx is trying to revolutionise the way the world works a bit, if you catch my drift 14 temperance The centrist card! Again this is probably going off track from the “official” interpretation, but to me this card has a certain “don’t commit fully; do everything in moderation; don’t take either side” flavour to it that i personally find infuriating irl and that i very much assign to lxc. It’s entirely possible that I’m misinterpreting his character because i didn’t really pay him (and the 3zun in general) much mind while reading, but hell, I’m allowed to pick favourites and choose who i want to interpret deeply vs shallowly. Again, i wish id chosen lqr for hierophant because its so annoying for a character i don’t care about to get two cards…. But oh well 15 the devil My alternative idea for this was jgy as the devil and lxc plus nmj as the figures, but since all three had been featured already (multiple times, even!) i figured I’d go with xy instead, especially since he’s among my faves lol. I think the devil signifies something along the lines of unhealthy attachment, obsession or addiction, which isn’t 100% accurate in the case of xxc and a-qing, but if i stretch it a bit to cover toxic relationships in general, and especially manipulation or negative influence, i don’t think it’s half bad. My main struggle here was to choose who amongst the xxc/sl/aq trio to choose for the human figures. 16 the tower Arguably jin zixuans death and the following massacre of nightless city were the final and most direct reason for the siege of burial mounds, and the tiger seal is good shorthand for wwx’s loss of control over his powers, which led to the deaths of jzx and jyl. When reimagining major arcana i like to feature some kind of building in this card (spoilers for a possible future project but in my rose of versailles major arcana set the tower is bastille) and even if it’s not a tower, the image of wwx looming over the gathered crowd from atop a rooftop is so good i couldn’t resist 17 the star Struggled with this one - considered both jin ling and lsz for it, as symbolising a hope for the future, but that was kind of covered by the world so it wouldn’t make sense to include here as well... As usual when I struggle with interpreting a card (as opposed to understanding it but struggling with matching a character to it, like with death or moon) I went to biddy tarot and read all the details about its meaning. What i got was that this card signifies an incoming period of introspection and inner peace following a time of turmoil, as well as a general moving on into a new, better phase of one’s life or finding new meaning and purpose. The figure also suggests someone vulnerable, but possessing a keen sense of intuition as well as a good degree of practicality and common sense. Given all those, I settled for mianmian because IM LOVE HER..... I also kind of see her as a prelude to the “just one person is enough” theme present in tgcf!! And i think her decision to abandon her sect because she saw the toxicity and corruption in it is a very inspiring action - even if it didn’t make a large visible impact, i think the appearance of her and her idyllic family at the very end of the novel - paralleling and mirroring wangxian - implies that at the end of the day, it was a meaningful one 18 the moon Another card i ALWAYS fuxking struggle with - this time less because i can’t grasp its meaning and more because I can never find a character that fits it well. I usually get fixated on the “dreams and subconscious” part, but if i lean more on the “disguise, deceit, anxiety and fear” part, i eventually figured the whole yi city arc wouldn’t be a bad fit. I say the entire arc because it really does encompass all those themes if you include both the past and the present - xue yang’s disguise, his tricks with the villagers, a-qing’s lies and even xxc’s reluctance to talk about his past as well as xue yang pretending to be xxc all fit the disguise and deceit angle, and the general mystery and creepiness of the current timeline yi city work well with the anxiety and fear - the mist, the slow uncovering of the past, even a-qing being revealed to be an ally after scaring the shit out of the protags. I definitely struggled with including all the elements and characters, and even moreso with making them vaguely fit the rider-waite composition, but i think it ended up okay ish. OH and i completely forgot to draw mist swirling around them :( 19 the sun I was considering mianmian’s family for this one, but since I used her for star, I ended up with wwx and his parents instead. Once again I’m reinterpreting the card a bit - normally I think it symbolises incoming times of pure happiness and abundance, as well as a connection with the inner child, but I gave it more of a nostalgic or sentimental twist - wwx looking back at the brief glimpse of his happy childhood. 20 judgement another card that i struggle to interpret a bit... Here i actually used the tgcf tarot zine as a reference! In it judgement is summarised as “rebirth, following duty, absolution” SO i figured that nhs, mxy and wwx all together would fit pretty neatly... wwx achieving (public) absolution through clearing his own name after being reborn, and nhs sort of calling on wwx to expose jgy’s crimes... It’s a bit messy but not bad I think! 21 the world This ties very closely to my read on mdzs as a story - which is that it’s, at the end of the day, largely about cycles, and about how hard it is to break them, but how we gotta keep trying and have hope anyway. Or maybe more precisely, that the people directly involved with and influenced by the trauma of the past might not be able to get over said trauma and that the hope for healing from it will be shouldered by the new generation. Or something like that… Basically what i mean is that jc and wwx and lwj and lxc and nhs and jgy and all these people who were in the thick of the sunshot campaign and the siege are so profoundly affected by it that it genuinely feels by the end of the story like there is little hope for them to ever truly overcome that trauma and build a better future without repeating the same old mistakes - but there is a glimmer of hope in the new generation, specifically in jl and lsz. And it’s a bit paradoxical, because they have also been directly impacted by the past tragedies - lsz having his entire clan wiped out after wwx failed to protect them, jl losing both his parents to wwx’s mistakes - but despite that loss, and despite coming from arguably the two opposing sides of the past conflicts, they are both, in the end, capable of moving past that tragedy, of recognising the complicated nature of those conflicts (jl’s moment of clarity at the end is both heartbreaking and hopeful) and forging friendships between clans in the process. I honestly think that the extra where jl is struggling to assert his authority as sect leader, to treat his subjects well and to cooperate with other sects in a truly amicable way is the single hopeful ending note for the larger themes of the novel - it allows us to imagine that maybe these kids can learn from the mistakes of their elders rather than getting sucked in by resentment at those mistakes, and actually build a brighter future for the cultivation world. And sidenote, this is also why i have a soft spot for jin ling and lan sizhui as a ship... speaking of which their poses were directly referenced from the lovers card ehehe

Looking back, I’d like to add some symbol of jin ling’s trauma so that it mirrors baby wen yuan in the tree stump... maybe his father’s sword?

#mdzs #mo dao zu shi #tarot

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3arzal · 4 years ago

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sincerity is scary (part 1)

nathan mackinnon / reader

3,200+ words (for this part at least)

friends to lovers. this turned out angstier than i originally planned in my head um...

warning for swearing

author’s note: many months ago, i said i was done with writing, then i clowned myself. this is the first time i’m writing an x reader type of fic because i used to write kpop bg pairings so idk how decent this will be lol. anyway, this is a highly personal and self-indulgent fic and something i’ve wanted to write for a very long time. to all my fellow hopeless-romantic tomboys out there waiting for their turn in love, this one goes to you. i said i was content with reading fics because i’m too lazy to write but oh well fucking shit.

Your first memory including Nate was his fourth birthday party. It was a memory that makes you smile come a time that you think about it while spacing out. You remember it vaguely, but all the details don’t even matter. You remember sitting next to him at the big table as he blows his cake. There’s a picture of that somewhere in the photo albums in your parents’ house. You remember being the new kid in the neighbourhood, but you lived next to the MacKinnon’s. Even if Nate had a few friends from nursery, you eventually became his best friend. You were a shout away from him and all the details don’t matter, because until now that you’re both twenty five, you’re still the bestest of friends even if you lived in different American states--him in Colorado and you finally landing your dream job in New York City.

It was a special friendship that had been rock solid for twenty one years. You know he has a lot of people in his life now being the NHL superstar that he is. You know he considers some of the guys and some of his teammates as his best friends as well. All of that did not bother you to say the least. It was okay, because he was meant for great things and you were there to witness him achieve everything he longed and wished for since you were kids. You know you will always have a place in his heart, and him in yours, because that’s what best friends do, right? They’re each other’s biggest support system, away or together.

You were there in all of his home games, you spent almost all of your childhood with him in the rink, he gladly participated in any hobby you had at the time, and most of all, he made sure that if he had free time, it was all yours. You couldn’t ask for a better best friend and neither can he.

Now, as you sit in front of him in a hotel restaurant in the middle of Aspen at his birthday dinner on a trip he insisted you two take before the pre-season starts, you stare at him in part-shock-part-confusion as he lays his heart out on the table with a confession you did not see coming at all: “I guess I’ve been in love with you all this time.”

Now, see, you have always been Nate’s tomboy best friend. You were the girl who played hockey with him when you were kids and the girl who skateboarded all throughout middle school. You were the girl no guy has ever looked at like that, because you were different from all the pretty blondes and skinny girls and conventionally female specimen that boys would usually like. It didn’t bother you, not until high school anyway, when you finally crushed on some other guy that wasn’t in yours and Nate’s friend group. It was the biggest infatuation of your life so far, and when you realized he’ll never look at you like how he looks at the girls who wear skirts and tank tops, you gave up on even trying to feel.

“Are you seriously looking at skirts?” You remember Nate asking you one time you were both in the mall and he caught you lingering around skirts. You were both sixteen at the time, and he just got back from his morning hockey practice. You looked down on your usual oversized tee and baggy pants and your favorite pair of tattered Vans and thought, yeah, how can you even choose to wear a skirt willingly? It didn’t offend you or anything, his question was purely out of curiosity and not one of judgment.

You shrugged at him, “Don’t you think it’s about time I dress more girly? I’m turning seventeen soon, and I still haven’t had a boyfriend.”

“I dunno, you dress fine to me.” Nathan said then, and then it hit you--if Nate says you look fine then other people’s opinion shouldn’t even matter. He was your bestest friend, and you trust him because you have to. You should. But he’s still a guy, and you’re a teenage girl who’s becoming more self-conscious as the days go by because that’s how life goes when you’re sixteen and hormonal. You shrug it off, though, because looking pretty was the least of your concerns anyway.

The following year, you get asked out on a date by one of the guys you went to middle school with. He was decent, and you were consistently talking to him and hanging out the past summer. He made you laugh and he became such a charmer since you last met him when you were pre-pubescent kids. It was your first date ever, and a week before you were highly stressing out on what you should wear, on what you should do, because you were seventeen and had no experience being with someone other than, lo and behold, Nathan.

He was away from you now, doing his hockey thing and being great, but phone calls were still consistent between the two of you, and after stressing out for two whole hours trying to rummage the internet for Tips On How To Nail Your First Date, you finally give up and whine to him over the phone.

“Him? You’re going on a date with him? Wasn’t he like...a wimpy kid back then or something?” His voice is tired on the other line. His team lost tonight, and you know he’s frustrated about it, but he doesn’t really talk to you about it because he chooses not to. You’re going to change that soon because you know he’s too hard on himself when he loses. He knows you’re there to listen if he wants to whine, but for some reason he never talks about a loss with you anymore. Not like he used to back when you were younger and you still lived near each other.

“Nathan, be nice.” You rarely call him Nathan because to you he has always been Nate. It means you’re dead serious right now. You mess up your short hair and stare at all the possible clothing options you’ve laid out on your bed. It’s mostly t-shirts, the ones that are close to your actual size, and then you realized you have no jeans that actually fit because all of them are baggy ones.

“Wow, she’s calling me Nathan. Who’s that guy?” He calls from the other line. His speech is turning more slurry, like he’s already falling asleep but trying hard to fight it. “But seriously, why do you need to dress up, anyway? Your clothes are fine.”

“You’re not a girl, you wouldn’t understand.” You tell him in a moment of miniscule irritation--not with him, but with yourself, because it then hits you: you want to impress this guy. You want to appear different for him, because it’s your first ever date, and finally someone’s looking at you and making you feel pretty--like a girl. “Oh my god…” You croak after spacing out, and you jump a bit when you hear Nate through the speaker phone, forgetting that he’s still on the other line.

“What’s wrong?”

“Holy shit. I just realized I’m finally trying to get in touch with my girly side. Seventeen years too late for that.” You snort at how ridiculous you’re being, at how silly this whole situation is because you’ve never tried to change who you were before attraction came in the way. You realized you were turning into a woman without knowing it, and it’s not really bothersome because you are a woman. It’s just something different from what you’re used to growing up even if you were no stranger to it having an older sister who is undeniably more female than you. Nate didn’t have any problem that you have a vagina but can also beat up any guy who picks on you for being such a tomboy. Nate loved it when you played hockey with him even if he beat you every time. He loved watching you skate, cackles when you fall down, but gets concerned as he should when you get scrapes and bruises. He’s fine with what you are--with the way you dress, the way you project yourself to people, the way you’re not just any other girl. You’re his best friend and he loves you just as you are.

You remember that time at the mall last year when you were looking at those skirts, you remember what he told you back then, and then you remember why it doesn’t matter what you wear on a date. If any other people can’t handle you the way that you are then they don’t really have to matter to you, too.

The date approaches and you give up, thinking if this guy talks to you and even ended up asking you out he should accept you as you are, right?

You’re wrong, because three dates in all he ever did was subtly criticize everything you did. He was trying to groom you into the girlfriend you can never be for him, and that appalled you so much and hurt you at the same time. You think he’d be one of the few guys who’ll understand that as much as you want to, you can’t really change who you are for someone else.

Nathan was livid. “Fuck that guy. He’s nuts.” He crackles through one of your nightly phone calls. “He’s ugly, he sounds like a rat, and I bet he smells like--”

“Okay, enough.” You chuckle at his frustration despite feeling down the past few days post ‘break-up’. “It’s okay, really, but I’m not that girl for him.”

“You’re not. You’re like leagues cooler than him, anyway.”

“Damn right I am.”

In the following years as he started his NHL career in Colorado, and with you moving to New York for your job, you’ve only seen him a handful of times although the Facetimes were still consistent. The time difference was there, and even if your calls only lasted about ten minutes or so as you both caught up with your lives, it was enough. You didn’t need two hours with him on the phone, because yours and Nate’s friendship was as solid as an asteroid crater on land. It could be two years since you’ve last spoken to one another and when you do see each other again it’s like nothing has changed. You’re grateful for it, because with you having a new life in NYC and him making a home out of Denver, he’s still the one piece of Cole Harbour you have anywhere you go.

You forget about dating as you focus on your job. You love it, and you love living in New York. You’ve made friends that you can already consider as family. You have a great life ahead of you and you know it. You watch Nate’s games when he’s in town. You meet him back home in Canada when you managed to get a week off from work. Life is good and steady. For a while you thought that the happiness you managed to find will last a long time, and it did...until it didn’t. That’s when you realized.

Nate gets a girlfriend. Her name is incredibly girly and she’s fucking beautiful.

The Facetimes and phone calls were less now, has been for the last couple of months, really, but that did not bother you at all because they were having a fantastic season and you understand his job comes first.

What hurt you though was how he just dropped the news like a bomb through text. And you two never ever texted. You didn’t even get a scoop that he was seeing someone, never even mentioned anyone when you two manage to sneak in calls in between your busy schedules. It’s on a sad and dull Friday night when you were sulking on your couch because nobody was available to hang out with you to get a drink when the text comes.

‘Guess I have a gf now lol. Her name’s __’ Attached is a picture of her seated across from Nate on what appears to be a restaurant.

You sit up in alarm, your heart beating a mile per second, followed by a heavy ache in your chest. You don’t know what to feel yet you’re feeling everything all at once--surprise, confusion, anger. The happiness is questionable. You sit there for a whole five minutes staring at the very random text when the text bubble appears on the screen.

‘You know it says when you’ve read my message ryt’

You don’t really know and you don’t really care right now. You want to yell at him and demand details, but you’re really confused as to why he’s texting when he usually just calls you. It was eight in the evening when you decided to sleep away the dull ache in your chest and that heavy heart of yours. You turn your phone on silent as you put it inside the drawer of your bedside table.

The following day you wake up at noon. You instinctively reach for your phone on the bedside table when your hands come up with nothing--and then you remember where you put it the previous night. You didn’t dare check it, though, because the moment you wake up you know the ache is still there. You remember those damn texts, you remember everything you’ve felt as you lie in your bed for hours when your mind and body refuses to shut down.

You skip breakfast because you weren’t really hungry, so you do your laundry instead. It leads to you cleaning your bathroom, and then that leads to cleaning your entire apartment, and when you managed to finish it was almost four in the afternoon. You were too tired to cook, so you munch on cereal. You chug several bottles of water after when you realize you haven’t had any the entire day. You take a quick shower. You switched on Netflix on your flatscreen and you managed to finish two movies. You stare blankly on the rolling credits as you feel your mind shut down. You’ve managed to avoid thinking about Nate and his new girlfriend for the entire day, and now that it’s evening again you feel every damn feeling come back. You finally decide to check on your phone.

Fifteen messages and ten phone calls all from Nate. Funny how that turned out. You check some more and there were texts and a few calls from your sister and from a few friends from back home. You check that out first, and you were surprised that they all seem to ask you the same damn thing: You okay? Where are you? Nate texted me saying you weren’t answering your phone.

Ten phone calls left unanswered.

Then you finally get to his messages:

‘Why you leaving me on read?’

‘Heyyyyyy’

‘y/n…..!!!!!!!!!’

‘I’m getting worried wtf’

‘Y u aint answering meeeee’

‘I’ve called five times!!’

‘TEN times!’

‘Are you okay?’

‘Holy shit where the hell are you’

‘Don’t joke with me like this I’m fucking serious answer your phone’

‘Even your sister can’t reach you’

‘What’s happening? Are you at a party and drunk off your ass in some dark alley in nyc?’

‘Jesus i don’t even know your friends there i can’t contact anyone to check on you’

‘Just please call me back asap. I’m fucking worried bc you always have your phone with u’

‘Hope you’re okay’

It’s kinda funny how he stopped trying, because you haven’t been on your phone the entire day as well and there weren’t any follow up texts or calls this day. You don’t know when the bitterness settled in but now you finally know what you feel and you feel bad that you’re feeling that way. Why are you reacting this badly? You don’t even know, but to calm his dramatic ass down you finally reply to him.

‘Sorry lol im sick i’ve been asleep and weak the whole day’

You jump on the call that lights up your screen immediately and you panic while thinking of ways to sound sick.

“Hey…”

“Jesus fucking christ.” Is how he greets you. “I’ve been worried sick the whole day.” You suppress a snort because you don’t know how true that is. “You okay?”

“Not really…” You try to croak. “Got a raging fever.”

“How long? Maybe you should go to the hospital. Don’t you have someone who can drive you?”

“Unlike you, I don’t have someone.” Is what slips out of your mouth before you can even think about it. You gasp at your own display of bitterness because that sounded harsher than you intended. You know he means well, and of course you know that he knows you have many friends in the city. He wasn’t specifically pointing out a boyfriend, but you sure are making things big. Stupid fucking bitterness. Stupid fucking jealousy. You tried to deny it, but when you’re close to crying over your best friend getting a girlfriend that he apparently hid from you, then you know what it really is after all.

His silence is deafening and it’s the first time you’ve ever felt awkward with him and you’re not even together in the same damn place.

As the silence stretches on, you hear a voice in the background call out. “Nate? You coming to bed?”

And you beat him before he can voice out a reply to her, or to you. “I’m fine. I can take care of myself. You should go, I’m hanging up. Catch ya later.”

You don’t ‘catch up’ with him, not for another three days, and even then it’s still through text. Your last phone call had been two weeks prior to his girlfriend revelation. You tell him you’ve recovered from your (fake) fever and that you’ve been busy with work you missed. He tells you about his schedules and games and the new guy who’s recently traded to the Avs. There wasn’t another phone call for weeks to come and it’s weird not hearing his voice for more than a month.

You’ve finally managed to put your jealousy aside as you try to ignore that, yes, you’re probably in love with Nate without you even knowing. Over the weeks that passed you’ve come to a very, very annoying realization that the reason why you don’t and can’t date is because no one will even compare to Nate. You’ve managed to put him on a pedestal when you really shouldn’t have but it’s hard when he’s the best guy you’ve ever known. He’s the only guy who understands you and knows you inside out. He has no judgement for who you are. He was the one you shared your entire life with and no one of the opposite gender will probably solidify himself on you as Nate did. You think life has been okay because it’s you and him against the world even if you’ve been long distance for a long time now. Him not telling you about this girl from the beginning really, really hurt you more than it should, but you will come to realize it’s the wake-up call you badly needed.

You’re fucking in love with Nathan MacKinnon and that scares you.

#nathan mackinnon #colorado avalanche #oh look she tried to fucking write #nhl fic #nathan mackinnon x reader #the word realize has been in this things too many times im so fucking sorry #nhl fanfiction

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scenics · 4 years ago

Note

do you think bp would be this successful if they weren't from yg or any big 3 company? they're my fave gg actually but i can't help but notice that when it comes to choreography and concepts they're lacking in comparison to gg's that are way less successful/popular than them not to mention the repetitiveness of their songs but of course that's all due to yg and teddy as the girls have no say in this. yg is just so lazy as seen again with rosé's solo making us wait this long tor 2 mediocre songs when they hinted a whole solo album/ep.. like the audacity to call 2 songs an album bsbbsnsjsns it's just sad bc all the girls are so incredibly talented and versatile and have sooooo much more potential but we're always given bare minimum by yg and yet they are the most successful gg even though they could give us so much MORE. maybe i'm just greedy but it's frustrating when you just know that they have so much more to offer but we always get the same old formula by teddy i don't get why yg can't switch it up for once.. at least lisa is showing us in her own dance videos that she can DANCE bc the bp choreos are just a bunch of hand movements and walking around 😭😭😭 like yg has the money to hire the best choreographers and yet they always have the same choreographer who reuses the same moves for all their choreographies 💀 like during their trainee days they worked with parris goebel and now they can't???? sorry this is all over the place and got so long i'm just so frustrated by all this and that yg gets away with all this bc blinks are happy about every crumb they get 😫

yg has no more resources. and tbh i can’t tell if they’d be successful outside of yg it’s all just merged together. like i do think they’re a tad overhyped esp now. i liked bp the most in 2016 and now it’s just lukewarm

i like to call bp’s choreo chicken dancing bcuz of how they transition between steps skskjssnsj. got them flapping like birds.

yg has an inability to manage more than one female artist at their company (sm the same lol). once the new yg gg debuts alongside the sm bg i have no idea what’s gonna happen to bp (also they’re gonna be the groups to close out 4th gen).

blinks are very much =starved= that’s why they eat up every thing bp puts out (yg depends on this strategy to survive!). it’s hard to admit ...but their music ages like milk.......exactly like 2ne1. i go back and listen to snsds discography way more often than 2ne1s....the kicker is i used to like 2ne1 more than snsd too

it’s always been interesting to me how bp is very popular among western stans and less so for other groups....super interesting. personally, i think they just take the lameness out of being asian lol...asian without being like the mainlanders who are too asian. being asian in a way that’s digestible for western stans (like u can listen to kpop w/out being uncool in a sense)

#asks #my last point ...just an observation alright #long post

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billiejean485 · 6 years ago

Text

Karmiro Kiss

https://www.deviantart.com/billiejean485/art/Karmiro-Kiss-800793669

(Text from DA:)

First of all, I'd like to state something: I don't usually upload art such as this often or at all, and I rarely even show it to anyone. Reason? Been bullied a hell of a lot for it in younger years, so I learned to keep things like these to myself. However, I am pretty sure the Karmiro fans would appreciate it, and I am having a really hard time finding artwork devoted to this ship myself (kudos to Iamaddictedtocoffee and KenKic4Ever - you guys are IMO the best I could find), and I honestly wanted to contribute.

Second thing I wanted to mention is that - although the show itself made me a huge Karmiro fan, this particular piece/sketch came as an inspiration from reading Arctimon's fics. My God - for the past 6 years I've been having a really hard time finding quality fanfics (I got older, and my standards became very high), and their in particular are among those rare that make me cling to it like an idiot, rereading it until I know it by heart (still in the process of achieving that btw XD). I haven't left a review yet, but, I can say here that that level of quality English, original ideas and great imagination is not something that you just stumble upon in the fan fiction world easily. I'm blown away. Still am. Still haven't read everything, so I won't drop that mentioned review yet. But, Arctimon, if you're reading this - you have my huge support, and I'm a really big fan.

Now on to the rant on the art aspect of this sketch.

I don't have much experience in drawing a kiss, and still learning to do that. What killed me even more here is just the position (that I probably didn't even figure out well) of the two - if you have that steamy kiss where both sides try to pull each other into it, and a couple with height differences between a girl and a boy such as Hiro and Karmi, everything gets complicated. The arm position is probably off (because yours truly was lazy enough not to reference anything). I hope at least I got their faces right - I haven't drawn either of the two enough for practice. Oh, and Karmi's hair was ridiculously difficult for me; it should be simple, but nope.

Ah, yes, and the Baymax sketch in the bg - the body probably should have been a bit bigger, but 'anatomy' wise I think it's okay. I just placed him in the wrong spot. And I have a feeling that it made perspective make no sense (he's speechless, btw XD).

Okay, and two last things.

I love the fact that Hiro is the shorter one in this relationship and is probably standing on his toes somewhat here, while Karmi has to bend down and/or pull him up. It's so relatable and heart-warming. :D I remember how all that went in those years of life (14~16). Wish we'll manage to see him grow, but who knows. Also, depends what Disney plans for the sequel of the movie, if they're even planning it (it got them an Oscar, so chances are high).

But one thing that saddens me in that is that - for most characters that appear in TV shows that are based on the movie there is like a rule that they don't appear in the movie's sequel. Which brings me to the second thing.

Even though I ship them with all my heart, I see little possibilities for these two to become something more than friends (there is more chance for that happening with Hiro and Megan, although the whole Karmutie stuff has led us on to believe otherwise up until she showed up). It seems as though Hiro and Karmi's relationship was made only to reach some "good friends" climax and that that's the whole point of it. Even Karmi's crush on hero-Hiro looks more like something that came as a product of her loneliness rather than actual need for a romantic interest in her life (I think she'd be a lot more invested in her relationship with 'Captain Cutie' if this wasn't the case). And when you take into account that this is a show aimed at kids... it all makes sense. Kids don't like romantic stuff, nor do they need it. But what do they need? Learning more about friendship, especially with that girl or boy they tend to fight a lot and don't get along well. It's a perfect reason to make you think that that there will never be anything more in this relationship. But it gets on our older fans' nerves because - naturally, the characters are not kids, they're teens. Things function differently here. I mean, okay - Karmi and Hiro may not be each other's type (debatable) in the end, but you can't tell me they don't care for each other at it's base, and that they will learn to get their rivalry out of the way to make a clear path for that. And when that happens, everything's possible.

But coming back to the first thing I brought up - the characters from the TV show rarely, if ever, make it to the sequel of the movie. Which means, whatever happens with these two, they will probably split up. It's saddening, and I wish things would change there. Hey, seeing Karmi in the sequel would make who knows how many of us happy. And not just her - bunch of other characters too. Or at least give them an honorable mention.

It's because TV shows get made for kids that nothing from it gets transferred to the sequel of the movie, which gets made for audiences of all ages. If there's something I wish would change, it's that - having TV shows dumbed down for kids. And with that I mean - seeing characters a lot older act like they're children. What the heck is that teaching the little kids? That reality will never be like they saw it on TV?

Kudos, and a really big KUDOS to the shows that are tackling this particular thing. It's good and it's healthy. If you wanna make something for kids, make it really appropriate for kids. Don't tug on the nerves of us older people, because - whatever the world says, there will always be those older ones that watch cartoons, ages ranging from older teens to who knows how old. We don't like watching those dumbed down things, no matter how profitable it is for you, content-makers, to target it only for kids, who will get you the most money. Yeah, it's harder to make such stuff, we know, but it's not impossible. At least show a little effort.

But, concerning that, I can't complain on BH6's TV show anymore. The second season was fantastic so far, and those 'dumbed-down' elements were reduced to the bare minimum. I just hope it stays that way.

... Well, this was a whole lot that came out of me just because of posting one silly fangirl drawing. XD Hope some of you actually managed to read this.... Too bad all of this is going to get dumped in the Scraps' section (please make a Sketch section, DA!), like most of my uploads do.

I live and breathe sketches. lol

Oh well - thanks for coming to my Ted Talk. XD I'm really done this time.

#karmiro #karmi #hiro #big hero 6 #bh6 #tv show #disney #karmi x hiro #hirarmi #kiss #sketch #deviantart #billiejean485 #bj485 #my art

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cloneslugs · 6 years ago

Note

oh fuck u sent me multiple so demo/engie/medic/scout and also u can do the one i already sent

ty i love you

Demo

favorite thing about them

he’s super fun!!! but also really smart and caring and just an all around cool dude he’s like B) !

least favorite thing about them

this isnt about him personally lol but like official stuff(comics) lighten the fuck out of his skin and its like. dont

favorite line

i didnt even see this question when i first did this wtf but uh all his “i love you” esque lines are really excellent

brOTP

exclusing soldier lol!!! probably sniper or engie!!

OTP

soldier :’)

nOTP

besides scout & pyro & just like. looking at just the mercs no one really demo deserves love

random headcanon

he likes turtles a lot & just reptiles/amphibians in general just in a kinda neat/favorite animal type way nothing special, he gets around with engie and sniper and they all get drunk and they talk about cryptids, he has a super big heart he loves love, outside of the battlefield he’s pretty apprehensive and cautious moreso than lots of the others at least, he doesnt push himself to be it often just bc he doesnt like leaderly positions but he defo has one of the more valid voices of reason amongst all of them, he loves to help and just listen to people he’s always ready to offer you a drink and take a load off and just talk things out & he’s super chill and easy to talk to anyway, he comes off as really lazy but he can jump up and make do when he needs to

unpopular opinion

idk whats considered popular or not on here lol but like!! he’s not just stupid silly drunk man he’s actually got heart and is pretty intelligent & like probably one of the better off mercs if he wanted himself to be

song i associate with them (this is literally the worst question im so bad at this if i dont have lots n lots of searching time and also i forget all music ever)

cheap thrills - sia

favorite picture of them (sorry 4 bg edits im doing what i have on hand lol)

hes so fucking happy i love you!!!

Engie

favorite thing about them

he’s my fucking husband he makes my heart fucking soar!!! he’s a quiet little sweetheart and he’s just really smart and nice and has morals iusdahui

least favorite thing about them

fucking nothing you animals

favorite line

all his fucking nerdy engineering lines are so fucking good ;____; he’s so smart and passionate god“i love engines! pinion shafts! flanges. mitigating shock loads. but most of all: i love winnin’!” “they won’t know what hit ‘em! though it’ll likely to be bullets. statistically speaking” theres more but im like ;___; just thinking about him ah

brOTP

medic babey!!!!!! i have a thing for shitty best friends that tire each other out (especially on one side) but love each other at the end of the day and are just ride or diepyro also but for completely different reasons :-)

OTP

spy is fucking excellent -.- dont @ me

nOTP

soldier lol (excluding pyro & scout)

random headcanon

i think all the mercs are autsitic but engie is one of my fucking fav ahhhhh, he and medic info dump for hours especially where their special interests overlap and it gets really boring if youre not one of them lol, he loves learning but he hated school so much ):, he has pretty bad anxiety but only under certain circumstance, he’s kinda jealous that spy gets to automatically be seen as a paternal figure bc of scout and he kinda wishes he could settle in like that but he also doesnt think he’d be very good at it for a very prolonged amount of time, he loves math!!!! he loves numbers a lot he associates it with lots of fun and colors and just !!!!! wow wow!!, he has really really really high empathy when it comes to machines and stuff, he loves dogs especially smaller ones, he really loves to fidget w/ tools and stuff bc he always has one on hand and theres lots you can do with some of them, he’s really lazy and has a hard time applying himself sometimes

unpopular opinion

the comics really brush him aside i need to see him more please for the love of god he’s just as interesting as anyone else also fat engie is the only valid engie & also soldier/engie is fucking forced and weird idk where it comes from except they wear hats lol & also people call engie short but if you dont make him 5′00 give or take 3 inches youre doing it wrong and i cant stand by it

song i associate with them

this is like. also a soldier song for me lol but Here I Dreamt I Was An Architect - the decemberists

favorite picture of them

ms pauling and medic!! his buddies :) also i just love the shadowboxers art

his fly costume makes me so ;___; i love you little man

also i hate to default to beard engie but this is literally the sexiest man alive

Medic

favorite thing about them

i have a thing for shitty men with halfway decent hearts but are trying(sometimes) okay like okay he’s so chaotic and bad but ;___; i love you

least favorite thing about them

this mostly applies to his Meet the vid but he comes off as really apathetic and cruel? i think in everything else he comes off as a bit nicer if not absentminded and not too socially aware which is :)

favorite line

bro when he warns heavy about that gun in the comix? gay rights U__U also the like “you can take the brain out of the criminal and put it in a pumpkin, but you cant take the criminal out of the brain in the pumpkin” or whatever shit sir i love you

brOTP

engie baby!!!! i also really like spy & sniper bc im weak for shitty support relationships i think med just works really good w/ everyone really in some way

OTP

heavy baby!!!

nOTP

all of the mercs are fine (excluding the usual lol) but like cHeavymed people are freaks die

random headcanon

he has really poor eating & sleeping habits he almost relies on everyone else to keep him alive, he’s autistic & he’s jewish but not really practicing, he pulls & tugs on things when he’s stressed, he’s actually really smart medically he just doesn’t like showing it/messing w/ people (it makes some of the smarter mercs nervous lol), when he gets bored & has nothing to play with he digs for drama he loves to start unnecessary arguments that have no value whatssoever, he’s scared of dogs, he only trusts sniper & maybe heavy to handle his birds if he were to die, heavy & archimedes are like mega comfort objects(?) for him !!, he’s kinda really bad at showing he likes/cares for people, this goes especially hard on engie ):, he has a really big sweet tooth, he cant cook, he doesnt ever censor himself and can be pretty rude, he’s an open book and has no sense of integrity, he got super attached to heavy right off the bat for seemingly no reason and it was just super awkward lol, he gets distracted really easily and drops projects too often when he gets bored/forgets, his room is a mess he doesnt know how to do chores, he’s trans and hasnt done anything to medically transition but he handles everyone on team who is

unpopular opinion

he’s not a fucking sociopath lol like he has a heart and cares he just has a hard time differentiating right from wrong and doesnt think things out i love you

song i associate with them

this is my emo music time i keep changing this but im gonna go It Was A Swift Not A Swallow - Crywank

favorite picture of them

i cant pick between these two he’s saving his fucking boyfriends life & also the 2nd he just looks so peaceful and :)

Scout

favorite thing about them

he’s a sweet boy!!! he just wants friends and he’s stuck with a bunch of middle aged men we have to love his endurance also he’s a little baby faced menace i love you

least favorite thing about them

in the canon i ignore lol.. too straight we cant have that

favorite line

all his lines talking about how the group of them are all best friends and stuff??? i love that

brOTP

sniper !!!! also spy also everyone

OTP

no one really lol pyro is like. the only one im comfy w/

nOTP

sniper lol if we’re talking popular things & all the rest of the mercs really

random headcanon

he’s a super sweet boy who loves everyone on the team, he warmed up the fastest out of all of them and became super attached!!, he really wants a base dog, he really likes to spend time with everyone and listen to them talk like he loves sitting with engie and having him explain nerdy engineering nonsense that he’ll never get but he tries to but its just fun seeing how excited the other person is!!!, he became super close to sniper right off the bat for some reason which is weird bc scout can talk forever and sniper doesn’t know how to hold a conversation for more than 5 minutes but they like hanging out even if it gets tiring, he lives off of sugary drinks medic keeps telling him to stop, he loves to hang out w/ spy and they get on each others nerves but really enjoy it at the end of the day, he has little to no sense of boundaries, he loves to give hugs!!, he really tries to engage with everyone’s interests like i said he just loves making/seeing other people happy, he loves being part of big groups it always just feels like a big family to him

unpopular opinion

he gay :)

song i associate with them

the calculation - regina spektor

favorite picture of them

trans rights!!!

Soldier

favorite thing about them

he is a sweetheart he is my big stupid husband and we both love raccoons =.=

least favorite thing about them

the patriotism…… we arent having that

favorite line

he’s literally so fucking funny especially all his things w/ merasmus and just. everything

brOTP

excluding demo uh !!! SPY!!!! :D

OTP

demo :)

nOTP

engie x.x

random headcanon

he’s super sweet !!! he loves his friends so much, he loves to show off his raccoons to everyone :), he bonds w/ sniper over wildlife(raccoons), everyone has a lot of patience w/ him bc he struggles to communicate things a lot and kinda needs his time to get points across, he’s actually really observant and it would be really good if he just didnt jump to wild conclusions based off of it all the time, he’s really conscious of his actions and how they affect others like he’s kinda violent impulsively but hes taken note of who is and isnt okay with it or who’s okay w/ him saying what in front of them, he’s really protective of his friends!!! he knows theyre capable but he loves looking out for them, he loves to drag them off on fitness expeditions/training but he tires out before a good number of them/gets bored, he wakes up the earlies he loves the mornings, he can cook but nobody knows it, like scout he loves to indulge in what other people like but he’s more handson he loves to screw in screws for engie or hand medic tools or read out loud to spy or heavy or show sniper things he catches/turn over rocks with him, he loves medics birds but doc wont let him touch them ):, he wants to get a base dog too, he has no volume or tone control, probably the best hugger, he’s kinda shy about personal things like himself in general or being trans & liking guys he’s actually pretty decent at keeping personal things to himself not that he wouldnt share it just feels weird,

unpopular opinion

he’s not just like shouty mean stupid man,,, he’s actually really sweet

song i associate with them

rejoice- AJJ

favorite picture of them

i have worse naked honey pics but this is fucking it lads gay rights

#im like. digging thru my tee eff 2 playlist on spotify this is hell #asks #tf text #sorry this is long lol i feel like im leaving out so much #also shout out to cecil youre the only valid person out here #triplecrossed #if i missed anything kick me #these make me so happy to do i love talking and talking and talking about my interests

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jeongjaehyuns · 6 years ago

Video

youtube

ok since kellie posted her fancam i thought i’d finally stop being lazy and do the same too :’)

i mentioned this a little bit before but earlier this month, i was lucky enough to get tickets to see nct 127 at the apple music event in la and was able to see them perform! this was by far one of the most amazing and intimate experiences i’ve ever been able to be apart of and being able to see nct 127 doing what they do best together is something i’m going to cherish in my heart for a very long time! here is the link to the full playlist of all their performances!!

underneath the cut will be a much more detailed and in depth account of everything that happened at the event if anyone is interested in reading more about it! ♡

ok hello if there are people who actually decided to keep reading thank u so much and buckle up bc u are in for a riiiiiiiiiide (ridin on that VAAaaaaAAAAan, KEEP dRIVINGGGggGGG) ok anyways! HERE WE GO!

[ ! ] btw the first part is just me talking about everything that happened before the concert so pls feel free to just skip to the last paragraph instead LOL

so when news came out that nct 127 was going to be coming back to the u.s. and perform on jimmy kimmel and that tickets were FREE, my friends and i hi kellie, hi tracey all tried to get some tickets for both the taping and the concert and was able to make it on the waitlist! i don’t live in california but both of my friends do so i told them that if any of us got confirmed tickets, i’d be flying over there for the weekend to attend the show! it’s kind of all a blur now bc the only thing i can remember within that week was stressing out so hard over tickets because the way the whole thing was set up was just SO STRESSFUL because despite being on the waitlist, there is no 100% guarantee that you’d get tickets and they start giving out tickets to people from within a week before the taping to the day of the actual event so really, it was just one massive waiting game. but a week went by and none of us saw any signs of getting tickets and flight ticket prices kept fluctuating for me so i just went ahead and booked my flight anyways without a confirmed ticket pls don’t ever do this omfg please please PLEASE don’t ever do this!!! and PRAYED that one of us would be able to get tickets ;; a few days went by and then nct kept releasing more news and how they’d be performing at mickey mouse’s 90th birthday celebration so tickets for that were also available too and once again, we made it on the waitlist!!! and played not one but now two (2) waiting games!!!! :-)))

honestly i rly don’t remember much that happened during this small time frame bc i was so stressed and anxious over these tickets that it rly took a toll on me physically and mentally LOL but yeah so on wednesday the 3rd, nct 127 posted on their instagram about how they’d be having a special performance partnered with apple music and i was about to start my math exam but the moment i read their post, i ran to the bathroom faster than i’ve ever ran before and of course, i requested tickets and made it on the waitlist again!!!! SO NOW IN TOTAL, IT WAS NOT ONE, BUT THREE (3) WAITING GAMES!!! GAMES THAT I WAS STARTING TO GET SICK OF PLAYING!!! anyways yeah so basically my friends and i made it onto all 3 waiting lists and at this point we really just wanted to be able to make it to at least one event ;;;

fast forward to friday, aka 1 day before mickey mouse and 3 days before kimmel and apple music and also the day my flight leaves for la!!! my friends and i all got a big fat no from mickey mouse saying they wouldn’t be able to accommodate our ticket requests bc they were full so we we re like ok!!! whatevs!!! we still have kimmel and apple to try for!!! so here i am… at the airport… getting ready to leave with no!!! confirmed!!! ticket!!! my flight was quite early in the morning so i was at the airport overnight and it was like around 11:30pm when i was doing homework and i got a notification on my phone… thinking it was just some random notification when in reality, I GOT MY CONFIRMED TICKET FOR THE APPLE MUSIC EVENT :’) it’s a blur to me bc it happened so fast and so suddenly but all i remember was that my jaw literally dropped for the longest time and my hands were shaking so badly bc i cOULDN’T BELIEVE IT??? i wasn’t able to sleep that entire night nor was i able to sleep on the plane from all the adrenaline so that saturday really was an interesting day for me LOL anywho i made it to la safe and sound and spent saturday and sunday hanging out with my friends while we prepared for monday :’)

ok so then despite getting tickets, we had no idea where the location of this event was going to be bc 1iota (the event organizer) wasn’t going to release the information until 10am monday morning and we were planning on waiting in line like early early to get a good spot so we had to be ready and out of the house by 9am!!! bUT WAIT!!! 9am was also when the english version of the mv was going to be released so me and kellie were both !!! bc we wanted to gif the mv so bad!!! so now at this point it’s like 7am and we’re all like half awake trying frantically to get ready and i’m over here trying to stream nct on the radio and listen to the world release of regular eng ver and then somewhere in between all of this, both kellie and tracey ended up getting their emails for confirmed tickets too??? so yeah at this point all three of us are running around like crazy ppl bc we weren’t expecting all of us to go but now all 3 of us get to go!!! so yeah i brought my laptop with me and tried to gif in the car but the connection from my hotspot was so slow so i just sat and cried instead :-) ALSO!!! remember how information about the location was supposed to be released at 10am? yeah well they changed it on us again!!! they delayed it to 2pm so at this point me and kellie rly wanted to d*e bc we did all of that rushing for nothing omfg but fast forward to 2pm, they released the information for the location and since we were already in the hollywood area we went there right away so when we lined up, we were like number 10 in line!!! :D

i wasn’t able to eat at all that entire day just bc i was so stressed and so nervous from everything that the hunger didn’t hit me til like 20 mins before the actual event omg ;;;; i remember saying “omg i’m so hungry” and the girl beside me was like “well sweetie, you’re about to be fed real good rn” and i just died laughing oh my god but yeah i had a priority ticket so i was let in around 7:30pm-ish and the event started at 8! i got barricade again just like last time at kcon ny, my view was reeeeeeally good!! ! i would say even better than kcon’s even tho i was front and center for kcon ;;; back when we were in line, the event organizers kept asking us how we were doing and each time i would tell them that i was super nervous and they’d ask why and i would explain that i just get super nervous before seeing nct omg it’s really true tho idk what it is but i just feel so QUEASY before seeing them… like the fact that you go from seeing them from your screen to seeing them in front of you is just a very STRANGE FEELING FOR ME OK but they kept repeating how we were all going to have a good time and that the space inside was super small so it’s going to be nice and intimate with them and they said how no matter what spot you get, you’re still going to be super close to them… one of the staff members was like “you’re going to be so close to them they’re going to sweat on you” AND GOD THIS JUST MADE ME EVEN MORE NERVOUS KASDJKSAJDKAJDKA

OK ANYWAYS ENOUGH OF THAT, ONTO THE ACTUAL CONCERT! when we got in, the event was actually on a rooftop and so the scenery behind the stage was just soooooo pretty and then they had a playlist of their songs playing in the bg and it was just really nice to listen and enjoy while we waited for them to come out :’) the members kept hiding behind this door and some of them started waving and they were all teasing us so hard bc the moment we saw someone there, we would all start screaming and they just wouldn’t stop :’) then they finally played the apple music documentary video for us and i just remember all of us screaming a lot LOL but then the lights went off again and then we all watched them walk onto the stage one by one and oh my GOD the wait for them to finally start just felt like forever and then next thing i know, the sirens went off and all i hear is “GET IT LIFTED” and then firetruck started omg i was trying to get jaehyun’s attention but then mr. nakamoto yuta… YUTA… looked over on our side and me and him made eye contact for a good solid 3 seconds and i just about lost my shit omg… HE IS SO INSANELY GORGEOUS IN REAL LIFE I WAS RLY GOIN THRU IT… JAEHYUN WHO??? AND THEN HAECHAN OMG… haechan came over to our side like 75% of the time and he is the cutest, most adorable person on this planet!!! he was always smiling and waving and i really can’t think of anything else to describe him other than the sun bc he quite literally was shining that night!!! i think it was halfway through firetruck that we started to realize that the stage was like… a little slippery??? but it wasn’t until limitless started where we really noticed the members starting to slip and stumble here and there ;; also there’s this one part where jaehyun went up super close to me during limitless and i about died… i’ve said this before and i’ll say it again but even after seeing him irl, HE IS SO HANDSOME IT’S UNREAL… HIS VISUALS ARE OUT OF THIS WORLD I CAN’T GET IT OUT OF MY HEAD but yeah the staff members would go on stage after each song to try their best to dry the stage but for some reason that wasn’t enough ;; i have no idea why the stage was so slippery but my guess was that it was pretty cool up on the rooftop and with the amount of people there, there was so much body heat in the air and then that mixed with the cool air = condensation??? i also think the shoes the members were wearing had like absolutely no friction at the bottom so it made them slip even more ;; they were also using a fog machine too but idk if that was actually the reason why the stage was so slipper omg but yeah after firetruck, they performed limitless and then they had a small ment here and mark talked about how it was a very special day for them (bc they just came straight from performing at jimmy kimmel too) and then johnny screamed something along the words of being apple music’s next up next artist and he was just so happy!!!! and then mark said that they’ve got october all to themselves and they were so happy to be able to be here with all of the fans! jaehyun also said that the place was so wonderful and said all the fans there were so wonderful and johnny came in to say that they had rehearsals the night before but being there with all the fans, it was a totally different feeling ;~; after that they performed touch and then when it came to cherry bomb (OT10 VER WITH JUNGWOO BTW), this was when things started to look a little :/// bc taeyong had already fell back during touch and at this point i was already beyond worried bc i would rather have them stop the whole thing all together rather than have them risk getting injured just to perform for us??? i shouted so many times to “be careful” in both korean and english T________T IT WAS LIKE THE DREAM CONCERT ALL OVER AGAIN WHEN THEY PERFORMED IN THE RAIN not to mention they had comeback promotions to do once they back to korea too so i rly just wanted them to stop ;;; i also think the members were all starting to get a little discouraged from all the slipping and stumbling during each performance and it kinda just looked like they were all really sad that they couldn’t put on a perfect performance ;; at this point the stage was soooooo slippery and i think they were more focused on not falling rather than performing and my heart rly just was in pieces ;;; taeyong fell again in cherry bomb during the leg split dance and it looked so painful oh my god i was just so WORRIED and i wanted it all to stop so bad ;~; but after cherry bomb ended, i think the members went back down to talk to the staff and then they came back up with different shoes! but finally!!! alas, they performed regular!!! since they switched shoes, the performance went pretty smoothly so i felt a little at ease! taeil, doyoung and mark were still wearing their original shoes so there were a few times when they slipped a little but thank god none of them actually fell ;; despite the song being a released earlier that morning, a lot of the fans did really well in learning the fanchants and singing along with the boys so i think it really helped in boosting the members’ confidence after the prior performances ;; there was a small ment here and doyoung talked and johnny translated it saying how basically the members felt really apologetic that they couldn’t put on good performances bc of the slippery stage and i was yelling with all the energy i had left in my that it was ok!!! that they were doing amazing and that they shouldn’t feel sorry!!! IT WAS KILLING ME INSIDE THAT THEY FELT THIS ASKDJKASDJAKJSDKD I WANTED TO ACTUALLY D*E but then they promised they’d come back to show an even better performance and doyoung held up his lil pinky!!! and then johnny asked how taeyong was doing and he answered back “i’m okay!!!” IN THE CUTEST WAY POSSIBLE… I JUST WANTED TO GIVE HIM ONE BIG FAT HUG T________________T and then taeyong said the last mission they had left was to take a picture with the fans and took out the selfie stick to take a picture with everyone! it was so cute TwT

but yeah, overall the whole experience was really really amazing minus the slippery stage and for the most part, i was really impressed with how organized 1iota was! i’m really grateful i got to be apart of it and it still feels like a dream that i got to attend the event and see them perform and promote their new album here in america!!! they were amazing performers and did so well despite everything! i was really really proud of them ;; anyways, thank you to everyone that made it this far!!! i hope you enjoyed this fan account! i know it’s a super long post but if i don’t write it all out now while it’s still somewhat fresh in my mind, i’m going to forget it by the end of the month so i hope you all understand! thank you so much! ♡

#personal #it’s kinda like really long so only read it if ur interested LOL

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beaniegara · 6 years ago

Text

11 Questions

tagged both by @yaboybergara and @ricky-goldsworth which is great because that gives me 22 questions mwahhahaha thank you folks!! <3

RULES

1. always post the rules

2. answer the questions given by the person who tagged you

3. write 11 questions of your own

4. tag 11 people you want to get to know better (or however many you want)

now, see, I don’t know what to ask........ so I’m gonna be a little shit and tag folks to pick 11 of these 22 questions and answer them too. nini and gray pls don’t sue me for reusing your questions, thank fdgkfndgfdsk I’m tagging @kaylotta, @queerunsolved, @haunted-gays, @thatmademadej, and @i-am-ghost-proof-baby <3 if yall wanna do it, of course. no pressure.

this is incredibly long (and uncomfortably honest). let’s go lesbians let’s go

first, nini’s questions:

1. How many pets have you had in your life?

one. I’ve always wanted them but my mom and I have always lived in tiny apartments and had no way to care for a pet so it wasn’t until I was 17 that we adopted a kitten!! his name was merlin and he was the laziest, moodiest lil ball of fluff I’ve ever met. I.. had to give him away a year later because we moved to a place even smaller that wouldn’t allow pets so long story short I’m scarred for life and don’t think I can ever take any more pets without feeling guilty to my bone

this is merlin btw I love him with all my heart and he now lives in a farm. as far as I know anyway.. :(

2. Do you believe in destiny? Why?

mmm interesting question. weird, metaphysical theories aside, I don’t believe anything is set in stone per se, but I do believe that some things are just... meant to be? in a way? for example, you can’t tell me ryan and shane weren’t meant to be friends and find each other in such an unlikely place as they did. one of my mottos, completely stripped from context because it’s from a rather pretentious tv show, is “the universe is rarely so lazy”. meaning that good things happen for a reason, and that you trailed that path for that to happen. yknow what I’m saying? I can’t really explain this without writing a 10 page essay because that’s just how my gemini ass thinks

3. If you could chose one person on the great beyond, would you take the chance to talk to them?

you mean someone who has passed away? oh yeah, I would talk to my grandmother. she was raising me and died when she was 4 and that changed not only my entirely life but our whole extended family dynamic... so many questions.

4. From all your hobbies, which one would you love to make a living of?

oh man, writing. I’ve been dreaming of being a writer ever since I was 9 or something. never panned out but that would certainly be the dream. if I could work with videos, subtitling, tv shows, cinema etc that would also be dope as hell!

5. What’s your favorite color palette to wear?

fkgjfsdgiusfdksd I have no fashion sense whatsoever, idk? I do like to wear dark clothes (because weight..) and reds (because pale).

6. What’s your opinion on queerbaiting?

I don’t have the time for it. for starters, it’s something that usually comes from people with very poor writing skills that can’t come up with plots interesting enough to keep viewers/readers hooked in. that already says something. no offense to anyone who is a fan of shows like these, but when it’s mostly written by white men I just don’t have any high hopes for it. you can ask flavs what my reaction was like when I realized the character I had headcanon’ed as wlw in hannibal was actually a wlw. I couldn’t believe it, because what???? since when does that happen, especially in a show run by a white man??? kjdfghsjgd

I think this is part of a bigger conversation but my point is, don’t fall for it. I know it’s all part of the fight for representation, asking big names to produce big shows with lgbtq+ characters in it and so on, but for the love of god, watch something else too!!!! let GOT rot and die!!!!!!!!! look up different, smaller, cheaper shows, that’s where you find lgbtq+ content creators!!!!!! there’s so many wlw webseries out there, you wouldn’t believe it. you have a choice. don’t give any more of your time and love and word-of-mouth to shows/movies that clearly have no interest in being more diverse. they don’t deserve you.

and that’s not to say any of it is on us. quite on the contrary, they’re using us. but aside from calling out their bullshit, we do have a chance to boost lgbtq+ content creators. don’t let them fool you into thinking they’re doing you any favors, or that they’re our last chance so we should be paying attention to what they’re doing/saying. fuck them!!!! you can’t queerbait me because I don’t trust you or give you the chance to do it. and you can shove your very straight, very white shows where the sun doesn’t shine, @ hollywood.

7. Is there a language you would love to speak?

french and korean, mostly. I can understand a little bit of both, but I really wish I was fluent :( oh, will to live and learn, where art thou...

8. Do you have, like, a dream so wild you think it’s impossible?

kjgnsfdkjhjjs having enough money to support myself and my mother??? I don’t have any big, wild dreams, I think. just.......... living comfortably would be a+

9. How many AUs of your own life do you have in your head?

oh man. I keep thinking about living somewhere in idk iceland or scotland just like... tending goats or something. that’s the most comfortable version of myself I can think of.

I also like to imagine if I could handle being a film director, because that sounds like fun. maybe a screenwriter? anything creative in films, really.

there’s also the unattainable dream of having a wife and idk maybe adopting a kid? and we’d just. support each other. and love each other. and that’s just. I. [cries]

I like to think how things would be if I were actually hot and not socially awkward.. I’d be someone completely different, basically lol

10. If you were to meet your younger self, do you think they would think you cool or not?

oh god, younger me would hate present me D: I had such high hopes for myself, I had lots of dreams lol never in a million years did I think I’d be where I am today...

11. Not a question, but please add something postive about yourself, something that you love about you.

IDJFSSIODUGSDFKGDSJ IT’S LIKE YOU KNEW I’D BE A NEGATIVE FUCK, NINI. I................................ I like that I have an easy time with languages? or with classes in general. I like to learn from people, I’m just really unmotivated to leave the house lol

now onto gray’s q’s:

1. What’s your favourite music video of all time?

straight-up impossible questions right out of the gate huh I SEE YOU, GRAY. I SEE YOU kjdfgjfsdhgkdsjfs

I’ll have to go with a few,

“prototype” by viktoria modesta is just GORGEOUS. I can’t get over this video & song and it’s been years.

youtube

“jackpot” by block b looks creepy as shit but the context makes it such a clever yet fun video. take into account that these guys were screwed over by the kpop company that created the group, and that the lyrics talk about hitting jackpot in an industry that’s savage to say the least. to me this video is a visual representation of what a dangerous trap entertainment companies are in the kpop industry, and it also ties in with the groups’ story of being made into dolls by a company and then telling them to fuck off in the end lol

youtube

“treat me like your mother” by the dead weather. I don’t know why I just love it. (cw: gun violence)

youtube

“emperor’s new clothes” by panic! at the disco. I MEAN, LOOK AT IT.

youtube

“manyo maash” by puer kim. I just love the aesthetic?

youtube

honorable mention: “tick tick boom” by the hives because that’s a banger. ba dum tssss.

2. What’s a favourite memory of yours?

I have plenty of good memories, thank god. I think one of my favorites is just hanging out with my friends in 2008-9; one of their older brothers was driving us around town, we were listening to the white stripes at full volume, singing along, all sitting pressed up close together in his shitty car. man, my teenage years would’ve been fantastic if I had stayed there with them!!

3. Do you play video games? If so, which one’s your favourite?

I DO!!! I mean, not as much as I’d like because a) no money to spare on games/consoles, and b) I suck at basically everything. but I’m obsessed with paladins these days, and I’m also a big fan of LOTRO. I like horror games--mostly the resident evil and silent hill type--and fps. I grew up playing some tomb raider, medal of honor, resident evil... oh, those were the days.

4. How did you first get into [your fandom of choice]?

with bfu it was that kind of thing where I’d see a meme or two cross my dash and it was always this ridiculous screenshot, or those “that’s it, that’s the show” kinda things with dozens of thousands of notes... until one day I was incredibly anxious, and I needed to watch something or I’d never finish the assignments I had for college. so I just thought “oh hey I should check out that unsolved thing people like so much, it’s buzzfeed so it’s probably good bg noise to work with” lol and it did work, and I did finish my assignments, and that means that I first watched the show barely paying any attention to it because I was busy doing something else. but ryan’s and shane’s voices helped me relax and to this day they still help a lot with my anxiety, to the point that I need to keep coming back every minute or so during episodes because I get distracted just listening to their voices and not absorbing a word lol

5. How did you first get into fandom in general?

uhh.. well, I was a big “pottermaniac” (that’s how I called it) since I was 9, but that was before I realized fandom was a Thing on the internet too. I remember when I was maybe 10 or 11, I entered a chatroom (god, those were wild) just in time to see someone saying in all caps HARRY POTTER IS GREAT AND YOU’RE ALL DUMB FOR NOT SEEING IT or something fkdsjgfdugfsdk and it was this girl using the nickname fawkes. she was older than me, I think that 15 or something, and we exchanged addresses (!!! how am I alive!!!) and were pen pals for a while. but it took me so fucking long to actually find the fandom online that I think my first brush with it was with the arctic monkeys forum I found online in 2008, where I mistakenly said I liked “the muse” and people laughed at me so I never went back to it lol then in 2010 I found out about kpop and that’s when I really dived head-first into fandom life. took me long enough (tbf I was very against the notion of being a “fan” because I was an idiot).

6. What’s at the top of your bucket list?

great fucking question. no idea. I guess.. traveling overseas? if we’re talking wild, distant things. but closer to my reality, getting a job that pays me at least the minimum wage disjgdfgkfsdk #fuckinternships

7. What’s something not many people know about you?

I love dancing and miss it like hell.

8. What’s your favourite medium for storytelling - movie, book, television, musical, comic, internet video, video game, something else? Why that medium?

ohhhhhhh this is an interesting question. as much as I love writing, and think that’s one of the best things we humans have ever come up with, I do love.. musicals? not necessarily theater--although that’s great and I’d sell my soul to see chicago live--but I love the idea of telling stories through music. I really wish we could bring back the custom of telling stories orally, and through music, and that we could as society agree that collective singing is beautiful and should be reintroduced in our day-to-day lives. sure listening to (1) artist singing is great but hAVE YOU TRIED SINGING ALONG DURING A CONCERT WHERE EVERYONE ELSE IS SINGING TOO? best fucking feeling in the world.

we had two bands in brazil, in different periods of time, that were so incredibly famous they’re still cornerstones in our music history. one was legião urbana, some folk-ey rock band that had a couple of songs telling these really long stories that I LOVE with all my heart. faroeste caboclo is our bohemian rhapsody, most people my age or older know the lyrics to it. and mamonas assassinas was this comical (?) rock band that sang dumb, fun songs that usually told stories too and that was the best. I miss that kinda thing.

9. What’s your favourite food?

red meat, mainly churrasco. but I also can’t live without chocolate milk AND the whopper. capitalism has me by the stomach.

10. Do you have a joke to share?

fjgfsdgskfdgfsk I don’t.. it’s been so long since I last tried telling a joke, I don’t think I know any?

11. What song/artist helped you through your struggles?

pitty has been a big part of my life for some 14-odd years now. “be ok” by ingrid michaelson and “starlight” by muse were my anthems when depression hit hard during my teenage years. the white stripes has also been a constant, with gems like “blue orchid” and “a martyr for my love for you” turning into sort of theme songs for certain parts of my life. choi sam helped me through college. and even though they were a huge disappointment to the point that I stopped listening to them altogether, block b gave me a good 4 or 5 years of distraction from life.

#not bfu #long post #txt #i hope to god the read more works #bc this is long as shitfuck

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comicteaparty · 7 years ago

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July 12th, 2018 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party chat that occurred on July 12th, 2018, from 5PM - 7PM PDT. The chat focused on The Guide to a Healthy Relationship by Dani .

Featured Comment:

Chat:

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

COMIC TEA PARTY START!

Good day everyone~! This week’s Comic Tea Party is now officially beginning~! Today we are discussing The Guide to a Healthy Relationship by Dani~! (https://tapas.io/series/TGtaHR) For those new or in need of a reminder, discussions about the comic are freeform, so please feel free to bring up whatever you wish. However, every 30 minutes I will be dropping in a discussion question to help those who would like a prompt. These questions are totally OPTIONAL to answer, and you can pay them no mind if you wish. If you miss out on any though, they’ll be pinned for the duration of the chat once they’re posted~! Remember, constructive criticism is allowed, but the primary focus here is to have fun and appreciate the amazing comics that the community makes~! As a bonus, each chat a top comment will be picked and featured in the archives and on an ad for CTP! All that being said, let’s get started and have a great discussion!

QUESTION 1. What is your favorite scene in the comic so far and why?

snuffysam

i don't know why, but the scene where apollo is asking around and trying to find julian really stuck with me. it's not the most artistically vivid scene (there are quite a few of those), but that one stood out.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

anything particular that made it stand out to you? just asking out of curiosity cause honestly i barely remember that scene just because its not the most artisticially vivid(edited)

snuffysam

i'm not sure. i think apollo realizing he wasn't crazy in seeing julian the other night made me feel, like, emotions.

turnish

Really any scene with Julian that exhibits his psychosis are ones that I particularly like Like, I find it very relatable and the art just perfectly displays what that Actually Feels Like imo

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Hello!

snuffysam

the way the art reflects mental states in general is incredibly well done

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Just wanted to pop in and say hi.

turnish

I agree

snuffysam

hi justin

turnish

Hi!

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

hi justin

yeah i have to agree with turnish that my fave scenes are probably the ones showing julian's mental problems. although i think the one that sticks with me the most is the one where julian is talking to a younger version of himself and his younger version is calling him lazy. i feel like its a great blend of mental illness but kind of normal self esteem issues perhaps. in that he does seem kind of sick yet here his younger self is berating him. @snuffysam thats a fair point. i did feel emotions when it turned out apollo was indeed not crazy. XD

turnish

HH YEAH that was like a punch to the gut

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

If I had to say anything about this comic, it's got a really nice traditional artstyle and all the detail in the characters populating the pages

And some great BG work too

DanitheCarutor

Hello everyone! I'm the creator of 'The Guide to a Healthy Relationship', I'll be helping my ma out with dinner so I won't be on much, but just wanted to pop in to say hi and answer any questions and such whenever possible.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Hi Dani!

snuffysam

hi dani!

turnish

Hi!

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

thanks for coming dani~!

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Great to have ya here~

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

yes. i really like the day of time reflections. particularly i think the way night is portrayed is really spectacular. https://tapas.io/episode/804141 like that page. youve got the light glow effects going on, you have some excellent reflections on the door that really make it look like night. its just all really well done.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Yes

it's all very well done

especially the glow from the sity

snuffysam

the colors and lighting are just incredible

in general

turnish

i reread it today entirely bc my brain is Crap and i don’t remember stuff well but man i agree

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

lol

snuffysam

yeah i probably should have done that lol

turnish

The night is still young

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

indeed

I wonder how you do sunsets cause I have a soft spot for epic sunsets

turnish

tbh big same

snuffysam

I like how the colors are shaded with completely different colors most of the time (e.g. a blue shirt has orange shading). that's super cool to me. something that very few artists do.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Same

Colored shading alone is awesome when done right

turnish

color theory is so important

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

and it also brings out the colors themselves

snuffysam

it also helps capture that feel of night time. which is when most of this story takes place.

turnish

yeah! agreed

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

This is a cool looking comic all around

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

yeah there are really just great color choices all around. i especially like the contrasts. cause one of my biggest issues with traditionally colored comics is theres not usually enough contrasts. so everything kind of winds up looking muted and its hard to tell things apart from one another. but i feel this comic doesnt have that problem at all

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

and all in traditional too!

and I second that

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

I made it. ^^ I'm inclined towards the Julian scenes too, though I actually liked the scene where he was doing his janitor stuff and tidying up, making things sparkling. In retrospect, it was nice to see him (seemingly) taking pride in something.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Hey Math!

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Also, I'm very impressed by going the traditional route with such a blend of colours.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

QUESTION 2. Given he was supposed to be dead, Julian’s appearance in Apollo’s life opens up many questions. First off, do you believe this is indeed Julian, or do you have reason to doubt this claim? What do you think Julian meant by telling Apollo that, “his friend is dead?” Was it just a way to get Apollo to leave, or is there a deeper meaning? Where do you think Julian has been all this time? Throughout, we also see that Julian has both physical and implied mental health problems. Do you believe this has something to do with his appearance? Do you think Julian dealt with these problems all his life or are they a new development? Lastly, where do you think Julian came from considering Apollo relays they pretty much found him in a bag?

DanitheCarutor

Ah! Thank you all! Seeing the positive reactions to Julian's mentally ill scenes is really encouraging. I've been doing a lot of research on the subject since I've never experienced it myself, and it's tough to know when it's being done well. Also I feel so bad for having Julian ruin that emotional scene with Apollo, slamming the door in his face was kind of a mood killer. Lol. @Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨ A sunset scene is going to be coming up in a couple pages, so we'll all see how that turns out. xD I've never drawn a sunset before.

DanitheCarutor

Sorry! I type a lot, and I type slow.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

SUNSET SCENE CONFORMED

and that's alright!

snuffysam

I think Julian metaphorically died when... something happened to him. Don't know what.

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

I think there's a deeper meaning in that the person he was doesn't exist any more. Though honestly, I'm not sure they were as good of friends as Apollo thinks; Julian seemed to keep to himself even then.

snuffysam

Julian was a nice person to Apollo, but I'm not sure if he ever really liked him.

turnish

when reading “your friend is dead” I chose to interpret that as the Julian Apollo once knew no longer exists, and Julian considers himself a different person now. or he’s running away from his past

i think i made the same point as math whoops

snuffysam

in terms of where he came from, i'd imagine russia, because he only spoke russian

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

It may be worth saying that, as a 40 year old teacher, I don't think I'm the demographic for this comic. Every time I see Apollo I kind of want to get in his face and shout "shape up man!". If he was as oblivious now as he was in the past, I kind of get why Julian would want to move on from his old life.

snuffysam

yeah honestly i get why julian wouldn't be too psyched about seeing apollo again. he's kind of a difficult person to have in your life.

especially if you have your own mental health problems to deal with

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

i feel apollo is a bit self involved and just wouldnt notice julian's suffering. so while julian was there to care for apollo, apollo wouldnt notice when someone needed to care for julian persay

snuffysam

i second that

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

I think Julian saying something to the effect of "I don't have what you need" kind of emphasizes that.

That time Apollo jumped out of the bushes.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Lol, Prince

I lost it when you brought up "shape up man!"

snuffysam

i wouldn't want to go back to that kind of one-sided relationship either tbh

DanitheCarutor

Aw man, those are really good questions, with some really good answers! I won't confirm much because I like things being left open for interpretation, but Apollo is 100% a moron. Also I don't mind throwing it out that he's a homeschool kid, so no social skills.

turnish

I love a moronic boy

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

tbf i could also see the hes dead mean something deeper. like maybe julian was in an accident and lost part of his memories. like all the good memories of apollo and just remembers the shitty times.

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Also "Get off my lawn". (Your drunk ass is scaring the squirrels.)

snuffysam

that's awfully convenient re: losing all positive memories of someone

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Interesting, so I guess Julian was homeschooled too? Since they grew up together?

(Also, for a moment I read that as "Apollo is 100% a mormon" and I did a double take.)

snuffysam

yeah that doesn't exactly fit with most of the stuff he's done lol

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Rebel: Maybe? I kind of feel like Julian might have faked his death to get away from creditors and people who just generally were treating him lousy though. But maybe things didn't go as planned.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Perhaps

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

What's kind of interesting is how Apollo has problems too, with his eyesight, so you'd think he'd be able to empathize a bit with Julian having his own issues. But it does seem like he doesn't have much experience with that.

snuffysam

empathy and sympathy both seem to be problems for apollo

DanitheCarutor

Math: Lmao! Oh no, not a mormon! But for the homeschool question, nah. Julian is a public school kid, they hung out almost 24/7 but they grew up in different environments with Julian staying in an orphanage and Apollo living in a fancy house.

snuffysam

especially when it comes to julian

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Ahhh, interesting. I think I misunderstood and thought he'd been adopted like a brother. That adds an interesting element of class to things too.

Apollo is very much "live in the moment". I would not want him doing my tax returns.

snuffysam

the fancy homeschool tutors may have neglected to teach him, like, responsibility

going back to what rebel said - were there any positive memories of apollo julian had to begin with?

like, even apollo's recap at the beginning paints himself in a bad light

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

probably. homeschool can be pretty lax from what i hear. so apollo's education in general might have sucked.

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Maybe they went sledding together.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

and yeah its possible that julian doesnt have positive memories

albeit there must of been a reason julian chose to ahng out with apollo

snuffysam

though that may have something to do with apollo's mental state making himself out to be worse than he was

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

and why julian didnt make an effort to move farther away

cause if i didnt want someone to find me i would not be living in driving distance of them

snuffysam

maybe he couldn't move further. relocating is hard

especially if you don't have financial means

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

true but he has had something like 5 years to make arrangements. i think 5 years. its years at least. but it really all depends where he was. it could be that hes been in the hospital or something

or a mental hospital

DanitheCarutor

Misunderstandings is totally understandable, a lot of stuff in the comic is very vague right now, and some of it will only be shown in snippets. I can't say much, but Julian does have some positive memories, there's just not many and it's harder to focus on the good over the bad.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Yea

DanitheCarutor

Also as a homeschool student myself, the education does suck. I pretty much cheated my way through middle school because my teacher was a Christian booklet.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Oh really?

That's... interesting

DanitheCarutor

Oo! Since this isn't super important, Julian and Apollo actually grew up in Ohio in a town based of Newark. When Apollo "grew up" he moved to a city in California based of a mix of San Diego and LA.

snuffysam

is it possible julian faked his own death specifically to get rid of apollo for a while? like, he didn't have the capacity to take care of him anymore, so he just cut him out of his life.

lol "grew up" in quotes

so yeah, julian may not have known where apollo was, and didn't intend to be in the same city as him

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

man now thats got to be the shittiest coincidence

julian is like "im free from apollo oh shit wait theres apollo"

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

No kidding

snuffysam

yeah, but looking at julian's reaction - he clearly did not intend to run into apollo any time soon

DanitheCarutor

"and Julian's evening was ruined" -ugly cry-

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

i wonder if apollo just didnt even know how julian "died." like one day whoever took care of julian was just like "nah man he dead" and apollo just made a goofy face and accepted it

QUESTION 3. Despite most definitely being adult, protagonist Apollo is a little bit immature. Why do you believe Apollo is so irresponsible? Is it just his personality, or are his habits a way to avoid certain aspects of his life? Do you think his ocular albinism plays a role in why he acts the way he does? Do you think it will be good for Apollo to reconnect with Julian, or will the events of the past send Apollo into a downward spiral? What do you think Daniel’s role will be in Apollo’s life? Lastly, what do you think it will take for Apollo to get his life together a bit more?

snuffysam

if his ocular albinism plays into his irresponsibility, it's only as an excuse. "well, i can't see normally. better get sloshed!"

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

(Sorry, sometimes I have to dash off if the little one is crying.) Oh, being away in a mental hospital would be an interesting development.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

snuffysam

i think apollo just has serious issues with self control. he started out with alcohol and drugs to get away from some aspects of his life, and then it just got worse from there.

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Snuffy: I don't know about that. If he's sensitive to daylight, it makes sense that he'd be out and about at night, which is when the parties happen.

snuffysam

true, that may be a source of some temptation. but if he was healthier, that wouldn't be a problem.

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

But yeah, agree about the self control thing. Guy doesn't know when to say "no". Also doesn't seem to know a good thing when he has it.

Fair. I don't think he eats from the proper food groups.

snuffysam

i meant mentally but yes

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Can't help you feel active.

Like, if you're always eating junk food I mean.

Ahh, gotcha.

snuffysam

he doesn't have much of a support channel to help him with his issues, and a lot of the people who do try and help him out don't like him very much because of the whole personality thing

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

i think the ocular albinism does play a role. cause as someone who is awake all night, there is nothing to do outside. like the options are go to dennys, go to waffle house, go to walmart, or go to a bar. so i think it more than increases the temptation for apollo. it hampers a lot of paths to recovery.

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Is it cool to bring up Daniel? Because he's such an interesting counterpoint.

I cannot see Apollo as a greeter at Wal-Mart.

snuffysam

his boss puts up with so much from apollo, it's a wonder she hasn't fired him

DanitheCarutor

Math: Sure! He's going to be in the comic a lot more from this chapter on.

Apollo really does have control issues, it'll come up why later but he's never had an issue with getting whatever he wanted as a kid.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Oh cool~

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

they dont have greeters at night. in fact i think the greeters all leave before 8pm at the latest

yeah apollo's boss deserves a boss of the year award

cause man

i wouldve fired apollo 10 billion years ago

turnish

Ahhh Apollo’s boss deserves the most

snuffysam

and his other coworkers too. who was the woman he asked for help and then called a slur? galia?

DanitheCarutor

Rebel: Yeah, being awake at night sucks. I used to be a night owl, waking up at noon and staying up till 4am. There isn't anything to do, at least anything that's a good idea.

Yup, that's her name! Poor Galia, she's only been in the comic a couple times so far and it sucked for her.

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

I'm hoping Daniel can get through to Apollo. Challenge him without going so far as putting him off.

turnish

Same here Math

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

i feel at the very least daniel will openly pull up his flaws in a way others dont. cause the others say it with anger and derision and lots of ppl just flat out tune out criticism at that point. where as i feel daniel would be the one whod be like "hey apollo maybe you should clean up your place some?"

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Or maybe Apollo will just want to, so that his date doesn't get a bad impression.

Cuz the Apollo/Daniel ship is sailing.

turnish

heh

snuffysam

yeah, i think that's going to be one of the major themes coming up. trying to reconnect with julian isn't healthy - julian doesn't want anything to do with apollo, and he has his own physical and mental issues to deal with without taking care of apollo. meanwhile daniel will push apollo (either wittingly through calling him out, unwittingly through apollo wanting to get better for him, or both) to get healthier and turn his life around

whether apollo goes into a downward spiral or begins recovery depends on which path he chooses

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

It's a good point though, Rebel, about how to get across criticism.

I wonder if maybe Daniel starting to spiral down would help shock Apollo to his senses?

snuffysam

in that, apollo drags down everyone around him with his toxicity?

could happen, but i hope not. i like daniel.

DanitheCarutor

Oh man, I'm loving the Daniel discussion! He'll definitely be challenging Apollo in one way or another.

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Maybe Daniel starting to date Julian will shock Apollo to his senses.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

i believe in daniel to be self confident enough to fall down apollo's hole. but on the opposite turn i do think julian will be important for apollo cause i think only julian can point out some of apollo's flaws from the past and give apollo pause. tho im not quite sure how outside of giving apollo more clarity of the things julian is dealing with

snuffysam

daniel can even use the perfect pickup line that he's been saving for such an occasion

"i like my men like i like my alcohol - russian, and found in a bag"

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

11/10

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Okay, you win with that one.

snuffysam

julian can point out problems that apollo has had since childhood, but question is, will he want to?

or will he just want to keep apollo out of his life?

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Back on the question of why Apollo is so irresponsible, I think it comes from his position of privilege. His parents probably made sure that he never suffered real consequences from his actions.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

i feel julian wont succeed in keeping apollo out of his life because 1) apollo is apollo and 2) julian's young ghost self is telling him to not be lazy and i think julian will give in to that for a while

snuffysam

yeah it absolutely stems from that

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

A restraining order might be needed to keep Apollo out of his life. ^^

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

and yeah i agree with math, i think apollo has no real concept of consequences

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Napples agrees too.

snuffysam

where are apollo's parents anyway? do they know what's happened to their son's life?

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Do they care?

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

they might not care? or they might not know. cause apollo does not seem the type to call home frequently and i doubt their once in a blue moon phone calls consist of apollo saying "yeah i got wasted every night this week"

cause consequence conscious or not thats just not a thing i think any kid would talk to his parents about XD

QUESTION 4. The comic’s title, “The Guide to a Healthy Relationship,” seems rather revealing of the story at hand. What does the title mean to you exactly? How do you think the story will live up to that title? Furthermore, the three chapter titles (“Hypomania,” “Monophobia,” and “Psychosis”) all share a theme of mental issues. Does this change how you interpret the title at all or how you interpret the story itself (whether the entire story or a specific chapter’s content)? What role do you think these titles play in regards to the mental illnesses we’ve seen in the story so far? Finally, do you feel the story is about relationships with others, relationships with ourselves, both, or something else entirely?

snuffysam

yeah there's a reason i've been referring to things as healthy and unhealthy all night lol

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

for me personally i feel the title is both about relationships with others and with ourselves. tho i lean more towards the latter if i had to pick one. because of how apollo treats his own self.

snuffysam

yeah, having a healthy relationship with yourself seems like a big theme

i also think the unhealthy relationship apollo had with julian growing up will keep coming back

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Wow, I hadn't even picked up on the chapter titles. Hmm, I guess at first my mind went to romantic relationships, but yeah it makes sense to be more friends and such.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

lol

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

"Guide to a Healthy Relationship - Don't act like Apollo."

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

thats the real lesson we should take away from this

dont be an apollo

be the best daniel you can be

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

I gotta wonder a bit about Apollo's circle of friends too. They seem like real enablers, I wonder if they have day jobs.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

probably. despite their party habits more of them seem to have their crap together perhaps.

tbf tho i think apollo is equally an enabler. so i think its just a circle of friends who see nothing wrong, enable each other, and spiral down and down

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

There is that, yeah.

snuffysam

do they know how bad apollo's life is? or do they just think he's that wild guy who likes to drink on the weekends?

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Speaking of spiralling down, that one panel with the pill on the tongue was cleverly done. Just wanted to get that out there.

I think they believe Apollo's got an amazing life. Bartender with access to free drinks, his own place without a roommate to bug him, the ability to afford random merchandise for thousands of dollars... what's not to like?

snuffysam

true

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

thirded

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

If anything, the search for Julian might be helping to pull Apollo away from the bad influences.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

math has a point

cant be out drinking when youre haunting a school at night

looking for ghost friends

maybe apollo will be like "wow so this is what being sober is like"

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

"I can walk without running into trees. My friends, however..."

snuffysam

though nothing stopping you from drinking before starting the search

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

maybe julian will say something

like "please dont come here reeking of alcohol"

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Julian just needs to keep throwing water into Apollo's face. Like that first time.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Yeah

Try it like eight more times

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Though the fact that he did reach out there implies that at least part of him doesn't like seeing Apollo down on his luck, perhaps?

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

yeah i dont think julian hates apollo persay. i think hes just tired of dealing with apollo

cause ive dealt with ppl like that

where you dont hate them

but man do you have your own shit going on and theres only so many hours in the day

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Truth.

"And now I have to mop the floor AGAIN, geeeez."

snuffysam

yeah, that's the thing, i think julian does care about apollo, but their relationship is so one-sided that it isn't worth it

DanitheCarutor

The answers about the tirle, and this discussion is soooo gooood! I didn't think anyone would pay that any mind. -sobs- I wish I could spill the beans, some of you guys had some really spot on theories.

turnish

Sorry I’m hella cleaning so I couldn’t participate as much as I wanted to,,rip

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Apollo knows not of this "cleaning".

snuffysam

yeah didn't you learn from the story, turnish? you have to live your life like apollo! that's the moral!

turnish

Dang ur right I should become a slob

shixjdj

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

kek

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Don't lose your glasses though. That's a bad plan.

DanitheCarutor

Yeah, man. Just throw it all on the floor, the nanny will take care of it. Everyone's got one of those, right?

turnish

Man I Wish

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

yeah i store my nanny in my closet when not in use

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Hm, this sequel to Mary Poppins took a NSFW turn...

DanitheCarutor

Ah, I'd suggest storing them in a jar. It's more cost effective.

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Anyway, last remark from me, again impressed by the use of colours and drive to experiment with some different perspectives and the like at times.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

COMIC TEA PARTY END!

Unfortunately, the scheduled Comic Tea Party time is now up~! Thank you everyone so much for reading and joining this week’s chat~! We want to give a special thank you to Dani, as well, for making The Guide to a Healthy Relationship and volunteering it for our reading queue. If you liked the comic, please be sure to support Dani’s efforts however you’re able to. All that being said, if you would like to continue discussing this week’s comic, we highly encourage you to do so~!

For next week, Comic Tea Party will focus on Wednesday7 by Viki Kuli. As always, please use the next several days to read as much of the comic as you would like. We hope to see you next Thursday on July 19th from 5PM to 7PM PDT for the chat~! Until then, happy reading~! Comic: https://tapas.io/series/Wednesday7%20

#ctparchive #comics #webcomics #indie comics #comic chat #comic discussion #bookclub #book club #webcomic bookclub #webcomic book club #comic bookclub #the guide to a healthy relationship #dani #comic tea party #ctp

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hycrans · 7 years ago

Text

( the cuteST )

a bitch is Tired rn after pulling my usual shit, aka staying up until 5am for no reason only to wake up three hours later to watch bts run, so excuse the seeming lack of enthusiasm lkfdsjglk. hey i’m jules, i’m 20, canadian, and my current means of life rn are chocolate, the x files ( iM LATE IK SFGDJLK ) and 3am you in me listening parties with myself rip !! it’s been almost a month since its release, i need to Relax dammit. i’m a uni student who just got off for christmas break and in love with sowoo so you don’t wanna know the agony that came with picking one over the other without a bit of help. you can hmu on d*scord at HAPPY S*OKJIN DAY#2030 ( don’t.. call me out for not having an updated name since his birthday’s passed, i’m not v bright pls ) if you’d like and this is so boRING, it’s like the life is sucked out of me omg. anyways hyeran, a whole.. other positive muse bc jesus, how many of these do i have rn ?? this is so out of hand man, but nonetheless here’s a bit abt the brat:

- ̗̀ JEON SOMIN, CISFEMALE, SHE/HER ̖́- – have you seen YUN HYERAN? people’ve said the TWENTY TWO year old has been running around the streets of jeju lately, which is odd because aren’t they a BARISTA/MUSIC PRODUCER during the day? anyways, i know they’re known to be EBULLIENT and TRANQUIL but recently i’ve heard they’ve been MAGNANIMOUS and DIFFIDENT, but i could be wrong. ( jules / 20 / gmt-3:30 / she/her )

EDIT: i somehow forgot to mention that she’s.. not sure where she is on the lgbt spectrum but she knows she’s Not Straight JFGDSLKJGK but she’s panromantic so yeah sgjkdl. i’m a whole mess today, i’m sorry lol

yun hyeran, a daegu native with an older and younger brother, an ambivert and an all around baby

tbh i don’t have much of her bg figured out, that’s always the last thing i get to so rip

buT she became involved in music through her father, who studied it in uni and ended up becoming a music instructor with a focus on piano, flute and vocals

her and her mom.. also her older brother, didn’t have the best relationship when she grew older, which seemed to die altogether when her parents divorced and her mom left. but her and her brother’s still exists, it’s just that he’s a bit of a toxic influence on her and she tends to distance herself from him

went to uni in seoul to pursue music like her father ( a daddy’s girl too like ) and found her way into the world of production !! by junior year, she’d transferred out of her original program and majored in that instead and has loved it ever since; she recently graduated

moved to jeju island bc an aunt lived there when she was young and she LOVED to visit, made a few friends there and would always whine abt the next time they could all go see her aunt again. so it made sense for her to live, at least for a little while, in one of her favourite places

she also adores said aunt, her dad’s sister and the maternal figure she Deserves, so she came partially to see her more often

for the time being, she works full-time as a barista at the café just a block from her cute little studio apartment while looking into internships at record labels for her to take on a little further down the line ( no rush bc it’s already quite competitive and she’d rather enjoy what she has going now )

she’s also making something of an income as the creator of an acct on youtube and soundcloud for her music, something she’s had for abt two years now

she’s not even close to making it big yet, and she doesn’t mind if she never works for a moderately to highly popular label — though she should if she wants to get by

among the aesthetic, lo-fi music crowd ( one of those yt accts with a livestream for certain playlists that go on for hours, rip ) where for the most part, it’s personal faves mixed with her own works, and has a substantial following as of now. but has an interest in experimenting, with mashups ( as a lover of them ?? i couldn’t help myself sgflkdsjg ) for example, with a small fear of how that change would be received

this is so short iK, it’s a little infuriating if you ask me ljkgdfjls

in terms of her personality and other things:

she’s a very loyal person, v e r y. while like i said, her relationship with her brother is Not Great, she hasn’t completely given up on him. maybe for the time being, but her being someone who’s open to the idea of people changing for the better somewhere down the line, leaves a bit of room for her to possibly change her mind if he does enough to allow her to consider it

so she can be a bit of a doormat in some cases, it all depends on how she sees the person that determines if that’s the case, but she generally won’t let you off if you’re being dumb/an ass to someone or if she gets advantageous vibes from you for example ( given she can.. be a little naive and is a p gentle soul ) so.. idk fgklsj good luck to the 99% ig ??

she does have a slight dependency on others despite her thinking all signs point to the opposite, and even though her and her mom never rly had a good relationship she still reels from the neglect/abandonment some days so handle her with Care if she deems you a close pal,

spontaneous tbh, moving to jeju was a little last minute on her part, for one

she’s a little reclusive when focused on something, if she tells you she’s working on a track, it’s essentially a head’s up that you might not see her for a couple of days depending on how soon she gets it done — lowkey that bitch™ who makes up an illness to her boss, so she wouldn’t even show up for work if it’s more than just her fucking around

bc admittedly, a lot of what she posts is fucking around and liking it, her more thought-out and effort packed projects are hidden away on her laptop

a bit insecure with her work and just her general disposition ?? those first few points above mess with her a lot and leave her disheartened so.. my poor child

v strong overall, takes people’s shit and if it gets to her, she gets over it p fast. doesn’t dwell on much and will be courteous to you even if she’s declared you too toxic to stick around 24/7

isn’t exactly one to get angry ?? she’s basically just disappointed or annoyed at best 99% of the time, it takes a lot to get her beyond that

positive, ugh. maybe not sickeningly sweet, but still. kinda explained parts of it above and i’m 95% gone mentally rn, gotta spare that for other little details gsjklf

a cute bean who wants the best for everyone and is also clumsy as absolute fuCK

uhhh

plays piano and bass guitar ( you don’t know how tempted i was to say clarinet bc of jiwoo gjflkgds )

prob had some kind of little amateur rock band with a few music majors and took up bass for the hell of it lmao

loves animals, leans towards cats or big dogs. corgis and those little spaniels get a pass tho

speaking of, she has a cute little calico kitten ( i’m shit with pet names so that’s tba rgkjls ) who she Loves, her baby !!

sweater, ball cap and basic t shirt junkie

those glasses somin’s been wearing a lot of lately ?? hyeran wears them too but.. actually needs them, not even close to a fashion statement

doesn’t don much makeup unless someone’s dragging her to a party or something

thaT’S when she looks a little more like a classy early twenties bitch.. which lbr, is hard enough when adulthood is a whole Train Wreck for the most part LGFJSDL

not a heavy drinker, but the textbook definition of a lightweight so.. she’s always praying for anyone who has to deal with her dgfjklsfg

lattes are her livelihood

a bit of a hopeless romantic, god help her

her favourite subject in school was literature/writing and reads quite a bit on her breaks at the café

favourite music genres.. it’s easier to say what she doesn’t like/finds boring, which is prob country and some aspects of edm/pop, not into punk/metal either

these are super basic but.. i’ve gotta get myself together for the day so this’ll do for now i hope ??

so if you’d like to plot, im me here or on d*scord ! i prefer the latter personally, but whichever’s easiest for you. i have a list of a few of the specific wcs i have in mind ( for the time being, catch my lazy ass avoid listing all the basic ones and revising a few i have on an old blog ) for hyeran up now, which you can find here, so just lmk if any of them appeal to you !!

#╳┊: — bitch you’re gonna die ! •「 ooc. 」#islandintro #so uh yeah #this is messy GKFLDSJDG i apologize #at this point i might just add those additional long plots in the form of an ooc bc formatting on a page?? a Pain #.. basically too lazy for my own good rip

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thepsychicclam · 7 years ago

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heya! hope you're doing well!! i hope it isnt a bother to ask, but i love your writing and was wondering if you had anything sterek in the works at the moment that we should all be looking forward too?

Hello! asks like this are never a bother! i love talking about my wips (maybe it’ll encourage me to finish one lol)

I have a ton of wips right now:

-hs au: This fic is going to be the next I post. It’s at 30k, and i think it’s moving towards being finished? 40-50k? (probably closer to 50k, i know myself :P) The idea came out of a road trip conversation my sister and I had about how werewolves and Packs were treated so poorly in the show. And I was talking about how Talia was like the Super Alpha or Lead Alpha over these other Packs, and wouldn’t it be cool if like the 5 Packs of the Pacific NW were like bffs and had this yearly summit or something where Talia, Satomi, Deucalion, Kali, and Ennis all got together, and their Packs were all friends, so like Derek grew up with all these other Packs and everyone got along and it was really tight.

So, in this fic, Hales are alive, Talia is the Lead Alpha, and Derek is close to his Pack (which contains Erica, Boyd, Isaac, Danny, Jackson, Allison, Liam and the various siblings I gave them, like I made up a smart-assed sister for Danny), but also good friends with ppl in other Packs, like Ethan and Aiden from Duke’s Pack and Brett from Satomi’s Pack. Derek hangs out with his grandma and Boyd’s grandma all the time playing cards, and Jackson is his cousin (Peter’s kid, and that’s a headcanon you’ll have to pry from my cold, dead hands lol). Derek works with Peter to become the Pack researcher/lorist while Laura is gonna be the Alpha.

But mostly, that’s just bg context bc the fic is about how Derek has this huge crush on Stiles even though he never talks to him bc werewolves don’t date outside of the Pack. So, he tries to ignore his crush (spoiler alert, it doesn’t work) and Stiles gets wrapped up in some supernatural stuff bc he’s poking his nose in where it doesn’t belong and learns about werewolves. So, it’s a big debacle, but it gives Derek and Stiles a reason to hang out, and Stiles asks him all sorts of questions about being a ww and eventually starts researching with him.

-speakeasy au: yes, one day i will post the sequel lol it’s over 30k rn and will probably be close to 100k, just bc i got so much i wanna do with it and omg i love that universe so much.

some highlights of the sequel will include: stiles at columbia and befriending theo (which just spells trouble), jennifer is the new singer at the speakeasy bc cora’s at school (talk about trouble...), stiles and derek arguing bc they can’t figure out the distance thing, deucalion is the new werewolf mob boss in town messing stuff up and peter gets involved in a turf war that derek and his pack gets drawn into, stiles gets allison to help him try to take down peter to free derek from his clutches, parrish comes to them looking for answers bc he doesn’t know what he is and he’s been working as a circus act and he takes a liking to erica, scott gets bitten by a rogue alpha, a well-deserved holiday for derek and stiles where they can be alone and have a romantic weekend...

-medieval au: bc of my phd in medieval lit and my obsession with got, i thought i should write a medieval fic lol so i’ve got around 12-15k of this one written. the sheriff is the king and the country ends up in a war. the other side kills claudia and tries to kill stiles, so the sheriff/king sends him into hiding when he’s 6 yo. he sends them north to lady mccall’s manor bc her husband was one of the king’s most trusted knights who died in the early days of the war, and he puts stiles’ life into the trust of the hales, sir edmund, the captain of his honor guard, and lady talia, queen claudia’s best friend and trusted attendant. stiles grows up under the name “stiles” and no one except the mccalls and hales know his identity. derek is training to be a knight. he, scott, and derek’s older brother will be stiles’ personal protection when he becomes king. the story starts when stiles is almost 18. he’s in love with derek, and derek loves him, but they are stupid and refuse to admit their love bc of duty and propriety etc. eventually due to angst and obvious actions that prove their feelings, they get together while still living up north and pledge their love to one another.

but then stiles turns 18 and moves back to the castle, and suddenly his life is completely different. he continues to carry on his relationship with derek, but it’s difficult. then stiles has to marry princess allison argent for political reasons, so stiles and derek break up and allison and stiles get married. stiles tries to make his marriage work, but it’s pointless bc he will only ever love derek. derek goes to war, gets hurt and almost dies, and stiles realizes he doesn’t care about anyone but derek.

lots of angst and pining and trying to make it work with other ppl and not being able to be together and being together in secret, but there is a happy ending for everyone involved (including my bb allison). i just wanted to see a medieval fic where they couldn’t be together so it had to be all in secret after reading some accounts of kings’ secret male lovers throughout history.

-domestic: yes, there will be another long one where derek is pregnant with gil that i keep promising. i’m just lazy with that fic lol it’s around 15k too i think. basically, derek surprise! gets pregnant, so everyone has to deal with pregnant derek. isaac starts nesting alongside derek and like brings him casseroles and helps make him cozy, evie gets convinced her brother is going to be a tadpole or fish and so tells her teacher her daddy is pregnant with a fish and sets up a fishbowl for gil to live in, patrick takes his big brother and future alpha responsibilities really seriously and gets bullied at school, and stiles is building his magic herb shop.

-cheating au: not derek cheats on stiles or v/v, but derek is married to kate and cheats on her with stiles. i’ve always wanted to read a fic where this happened, with a secret affair with hotel sex hookups and car blowjobs and it’s all kinda shady and starts out as like derek going to gay clubs and he meets stiles and starts watching stiles and his boyfriend but then ends up having sex with stiles and even though it’s supposed to be just sex, derek falls in love with him. happy, way too-fairytale ending, i’m sure. this one i’m not even sure i’ll ever post just bc i’m afraid ppl will send me nasty comments XDDD

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