#CRINGEFAIL SOPPING WET POOR LITTLE MEOW MEOW

[wraithsoutlaws]

every time i post zephyr, in my mind im like "oh boy you're gonna flop" because idk he usually does but the fact that he flops is *so* zephyr, its so meta it makes me laugh so hard

[shima-draws]

Genuinely. What is Wrong with him

[citrus-cactus]

CITRUS, YOU HAVE MY PERMISSION TO TALK ABOUT YOUR POOR LITTLE MEOW MEOWS

DR. CRINGEFAIL: 2 4 14 21

SAD SCOTTISH MAN: 2 7 20 22

Enjoy!

BLESSINGS BE UPON YE, YOU KIND, HANDSOME, OBSERVANT STRANGER, YOU. MY CROPS ARE WATERED, MY FIELDS ARE THRIVING!!

Ask game here.

Under! The! Cut! Cuz! I’m! Embarrassed!

The one, the only, Noodle-In Chief:

2. When I think I truly started to like them (or dislike them, if you've sent me a character I don't like)

It's not 100% clear to me, but it was definitely around the September timeframe of the novel (the first time I read it, in ‘22). I don't think it was OFFICIALLY too late for me until he met the Harkers at the end of September and Mina was like "Hey Jack. JACK. You keep your diary on all these wax cylinders, and they're not even LABELED?!" And Jack was like "...Um. Yeah, actually... that never even occurred to me." gOD, you IDIOT <3 (I may be paraphrasing). But it was this and several of his earlier blunders paired with his dogged determination to remain genre-blind and skeptical of everything that he was witnessing that ultimately endeared him to me. There Is Most Definitely Something Wrong With Him (derogatory) (affectionate).

He’s truly a problematic fave, but he’s my favorite character in the novel nonetheless!

4. How many people I ship them with

Um, the entire vampire-hunting polycule? THIS MAN DESERVES ALL THE KISSES where canonically he has none, and he deserved to be one of Lucy’s three husbands, fr fr :(

14. Best storyline they had

The incredibly tragic story, told in his own words, of how John “Jack” Seward, MD had to watch the woman he loved waste away and die of a mysterious ailment, interspersed with personal asides regarding how full of vigorous manhood all of his friends are, and how his former professor is so incredibly hot good at everything and spry for his age, but who also may be (in Jack's professional opinion) a touch crazy. Peak sopping wet noodle time, it’s amazing <3

21. When do you think they were at their happiest?

September 30: "I got home at five o'clock, and found that Godalming and Morris had not only arrived, but had already studied the transcript of the various diaries and letters which Harker and his wonderful wife had made and arranged. Harker had not yet returned from his visit to the carriers' men, of whom Dr. Hennessey had written to me. Mrs. Harker gave us a cup of tea, and I can honestly say that, for the first time since I have lived in it, this old house seemed like home."

BUDDY!!!! T^T

"JUST SOME GUY(tm)”:

2. When I think I truly started to like them (or dislike them, if you've sent me a character I don't like)

I mean, I’ve always liked him quite a bit (that voice, that tragic backstory, that Shakespearean flavor). But for whatever reason I didn't become obsessed until my rewatch last summer. CanNOT stop thinking about this man, the former king who has really just been a pawn his entire life; what he thinks, what he feels, how he's been going through the motions while searching for the one who betrayed him, yearning for a death that will not come for as long as he has. HE’S JUST SO SAD, YOU GUYS!!!!!

7. A quote of them that you remember

Every word that comes out of John Rhys-Davies’ mouth is SO GOOD, but the quote that sticks out the most is (of course) "KNOW her? I NAMED her." GODDDDDDD it's infinity good and I never get tired of hearing it, not even once (and since they use it in every relevant "Previously On," you hear it A LOT). It's ok though, because they 5000% knew what they were doing with that one.

Some other choice one-liners:

"I'm just… so... tired" is also top-tier delivery, and does a really great job of summarizing his entire existence since 1057.

"And I know how to read them" is such a sassy retort (and a GREAT callback to “Lighthouse in the Sea of Time”).

“For that matter… WHY ARE WE WORKING TOGETHER?” is sooooo *chef’s kiss.* Enjoy being a walking, talking meat puppet with your worstie for several more months, my guy!

20. A weird headcanon

Ummmmm soooooo I designed a gargoyle form for Mac as my headcanon for what he would've looked like in "The Mirror" (of course I did). My Watsonian explanation for why we didn't get to see him that night is he was way too busy getting drunk off his ass and crying over his long-dead wife (yet again) :C

22. When do you think they were at their lowest?

990-some-odd years is a looooong time to find your lowest point. Even though moments like Gruoch’s marriage to Gillecomgain, his first “death”, the ending of “City of Stone,” and the middle of “Sanctuary” were pretty low moments for him, I’m quite sure his lowest point was never actually seen on the show (centuries-long depression isn’t exactly Disney Afternoon-friendly). The day(s) he found out about Luach and Gruoch’s deaths were obviously waaaaay up there. I imagine he had a really rough time of it during the Black Plague, so I’ll say his lowest point was somewhere in there :C :C :C

I do hope he was able to enjoy the Renaissance a little, tho. I’ll bet he commissioned a lot of art.

If you’ve read this far, THANK YOU FOR PUTTING UP WITH MY RAMBLING ABOUT THESE SAD, SAD FICTIONAL MEN!

[kay-selfships]

kay’s work doodles pt 4/??

—

top left: pathetic sopping wet poor little meow meow / teyvat’s most pathetic adventurer (/j but also we love cringefail women)

top right: girlie feels like garbage (i was sick)

bottom right: I do not have horns! It’s a headpiece!

[timbeon]

Rationale for each of my poll picks (spoilers!):

Yakou: skrunkly cringefail malewives are always popular, and they've been the current meta for a while

Vivia: Sexyman Classic(TM), goth subtype

Yomi: hot edgy bad boy, perfect for either your woobie tortured soul "I can fix him" fantasies OR your hardcore kinky "I can make him worse" ones

Makoto: Sexyman Classic(TM), clown subtype

Seth: Pathetic (affectionate), sopping wet cat of a man, poor little meow meow

Zilch: Catboy. Also, we never meet the real Zilch, so your perfect catboy sexyman boyfriend can be whatever you want him to be

Halara: launcher of a thousand "please step on me"s

But let's also be honest here, Rain Code's art direction is basically precision engineered to create Tumblr Sexymen, and I love it

[thermodynamic-comedian]

everybody posting about how we need more blorbo culture around fictional women would absolutely LOVE the locked tomb fandom.

literally all we ever say is "she fucked that old woman" "she's my pathetic sopping wet poor little meow meow" "her swagless looks and cringefail personality have captivated me" "i could fix her but she could make me worse"

[too-many-blorbos]

I hope they beat him up as badly as they did in the books. Let our man be a poor little sopping wet cringefail meow meow

I really wonder if season 4 will start with “oh no, Geralt got hurt so bad that the dryads had to change him into Liam Hemsworth to cure him”

[charlamagne-ptomaine]

Wasn't tagged but I am not immune to tag games 😞🧍‍♀️

Last song: Shock The Monkey by Peter Gabriel

Current obsession: I fell down an obscure cartoon rabbit hole recently & discovered a show called Spliced. it's fine for a late 2000s Canadian cartoon, not a big fan of the gross-out humor they sometimes implement but the characters are fun, especially the main antagonist, which I can only describe as Megamind's fursona

absolutely enamored with this fucked up looking beast, he's the kind of Cringefail Poor Little Meow Meow That Has Something LGBT+ Going On With Him Villain that would do numbers here on tumblr. he gives off The Monarch from The Venture Bros vibes. love this pathetic sopping wet creature

Last movie: I finally watched Stop Making Sense for the first time last month and honestly??? the hype behind it is REAL 🙌 I'm glad that I waited to see this one in a theater, it felt like the closest I'll ever get to seeing Talking Heads live in concert😭✨

Currently reading: I've been on a short story kick lately & one book I always come back to every now and again is Dictionary Stories by Jez Burrows. What's cool about this one is that all of the stories are composed from example sentences found in a bunch of different dictionaries, it's a really interesting read!

Currently watching: I'm really bad about keeping up with shows I like, I have a TON of series I need to catch up on (*cough*What We Do In The Shadows*cough*JJBA Stone Ocean*cough*Stranger Things*cough*) but I have been rewatching One Piece on toonami every saturday, they've recently just started airing the Dressrosa arc. definitely gonna pick up Dr. Stone and Demon Slayer again when they both return to the block later next month!

(not tagging anyone but feel free to add on to this post if you want!)

9 people tag ★

tagged by mutual @a-luran :3 btw i’m sure the last film they watched is cool…. another movie added on my watchlist..

Last song : tender by stuck in the sound

Current obsession : is drawing masculine chests a sin ?

Last film : i rewatched ip man (the 2nd movie) just for those fight scenes and its wing chun propaganda

Currently reading : just finished reading the counterfeiters by a. gide

then there’s that spamano fanfic i paused reading ;-;

Currently watching : the new pope

tagging @doodlin-moons , @vimishu, @sorvete-de-pacoca, @artemiswolfheart, @ironic-orange, @wuhhluhhhwuhhh, @starsmadeinheaven, @cupcakes-and-british-tea, @jewelsmoment, @roszabell and anyone who would like to do it :3