#CFDs

[tameblog]

Corrina Gordon-Barnes’ journey from dating guys to finding a wife…thanks to travel sickness! And of course the best food to help with travel sickness (in case you’ve already found your partner…) In addition to this story, at the end of this episode I’ll share with you the best food for travel sickness (in case you’ve already found your wife or partner). OK enough hints from me, let’s get on with the story. Our guest, Corrina Gordon-Barnes I am super excited to be joined here today for our story by Corrina Gordon-Barnes. Corrina is a Relationship Coach who’s committed to a world of happy couples and happy families. She teaches her clients how to be really good at relationships. So Corrina, welcome to the Clean Food, Dirty Stories podcast! I’m really excited to have you here today! Corrina: Thank you so much for inviting me to connect with you. Me: Oh well you’re so welcome! I love your story and I really can’t wait for us to share it with everybody. Corrina’s story, starting with being boy mad Me: Without further ado, the first question I wanted to ask you…and I’ve said a little bit about what you do now, but when you were small, or younger, how did you see your dream relationship one day? Did you have princess dreams or did you have a particular type of partner in mind before you actually met your life partner? Corrina: Well, I was boy mad. Me: Boy mad! Corrina: Boy mad, like going through my primary school years, I remember that I was the one in my class who learned about sex really early. I was the one who would get all these teenage magazines, even as a late primary school age kid, and I would be teaching my friends at school. “You can get pregnant the first time you have sex” and “be careful with your boyfriend”. Me: Oh my god! A relationship expert…in primary school Corrina: I was like this relationship expert, even at that age I was teaching my friends. Like “these are all the myths, don’t do this, do this” and so I was kind of boy mad, I was relationship mad. Getting into my teens I remember with my friends we would literally kind of go out prowling the streets. We would walk along the high street in my town where I lived and we would be looking for boys and we would be kind of flirting and coy. There was always some boy that I had my eye on. Always some guy who had my attention, I would try and make sure I was in the same place as him so that he would see me… Me: Sounds familiar, yeah. So I was definitely, I definitely wanted boys. That was very clear to me. Me: And you got engaged to a boy at one stage, right? Corrina: Yeah, so I had one really long term relationship before I met who is now my partner, and we got engaged at age 17. Me: Wow! We were gonna get married and we were gonna have all these babies and we were gonna live in this particular kind of house and have this life… That was the path that I thought I was on at that age. Me: So then what happened to take you off that path? The path to self-discovery Corrina: Well that relationship was not the right one, and so that ended 4 years later and I stayed then single for quite a while. You know, I was really wanting to find myself. So I went on this whole spiritual, personal growth journey. I read every book I could get, I did meditation, I went vegan… It had this whole kind of personal growth change in my life. Me: What do you think prompted that? Was it the end of that relationship that prompted that? I mean, what were your thoughts? Were you just like ‘Oh I think I need to take care of myself more’ or become a different person, or…? Corrina: I was in Australia and I was just there travelling for a year. And I met this guy – surprisingly enough – in a cafe. He just said “Hey I go to this meditation course down the road, why don’t you come along”. And so I went and that very first moment, that very first time in the room with that meditation teacher, she told me that I was a spiritual being. She said to me – to the whole group but I really heard this – “You are a spirit soul having this human experience, but you are a spiritual being”. It was like someone had just told me who I was. Like “oh my gosh, that’s who I am, this human life is how I get to journey and explore and have an adventure, but I’m a spiritual being”. The layers (or the clothes) fall away Me: So did you have that as like an inner knowing, or how did you experience it? Because people experience those things in different ways, right? Some people experience a physical sensation of light, other people experience it as just an inner sense of knowing… Corrina: It was like all my clothes fell off. Me: (laughs) Um…I haven’t heard that one before! Corrina: It was like this casing, this casing just fell off. I literally woke up the next morning and I was vegan, I went from a complete meat eater to being vegan overnight just like that. And I was just on this journey then to just explore and discover myself and get back to the essential nature of my being. It was like everything that wasn’t true about me just kind of fell away over the coming months. Me: Wow. That’s very cool! Corrina: Yeah, it was pretty cool, I felt much lighter, it was like clothes coming off. I was just light, I was much, much lighter, much more energized, much freer, much more joyful. Me: It’s interesting that you say that for you, all your clothes coming off, like some people might associate that with being exposed, right? Being vulnerable. And for you, you associate that with being light. So that’s really interesting. Corrina: And just free. I remember in Australia, those kind of days, weeks after that moment. It was like I was floating along the streets. I was so free, I was feeling so connected with people, like I had just woken up. On to Cambridge University…and a fated bus trip Me: Yeah. Wow! And so how did you get from there to Cambridge University? Corrina: Yeah, so I decided that I wanted to do teacher training so I came to Cambridge University and signed up for the English and Drama teacher training course here. And on that very first day in class, they sat me next to this woman called Sam. There was something about her that just immediately kind of, like something just…a light bulb went off or something just happened. It was like ‘Huh, she’s just come on my radar really strongly, why am I paying attention to her so much?’ So she was really in my awareness and we were both in the same school together so we were both placed to do our teacher practice in the same school. And on the first day of teaching practice, I got onto the bus that would take us to our practice school and I got on and she was sitting in the front seat. Now I always need to sit in the front seat in a bus because I get travel sick. So I just went over to her…I’d already clocked her as someone who was on my radar, and I just said “Oh, are you OK if I join you in the front seat?” And she said “Yeah sure, I have to sit here because I get travel sick” and I said “Oh me too!” So we sat side by side and over the months to come we became best friends. Just absolutely clicked, became best friends, incredible support through the whole teaching practice. A brave declaration Me: And was there any like physical attraction at that stage? Or did that come later? Corrina: Immediately! Immediately, I was like ‘Huh! What is this woman doing to me, what is this, what is happening here? I just feel energized around her, she lights me up, I feel excited, I feel like the world is just kind of shinier…’ Me: Wow! Corrina: Everything just felt brighter and more energized. Me: It sounds like a good, a good…I don’t know, I mean, I’ve never like taken acid or anything but (laughs) it sounds like, you know, a positive drug experience without the drugs, right? Corrina: (laughs) Totally! Totally, a kind of ‘switch-on, turn-on, I’m awake, I’m alive, oh my gosh, who are you’ kind of thing. Me: Was it the same for her as well? Corrina: Well what was so funny was that over the months that then came, was that I basically told her (laughs). I just said “Basically I’ve realized that I’m just completely in love with you. Do you feel that too?” Me: Wow! That was so brave of you cause you were friends at that stage, right? Like best friends, you don’t want to wreck your relationship with your best friend by taking the risk but you did! Corrina: I just did! And that’s kind of, you know, the kind of continuity of the whole spiritual journey for me of just like I’m free. You know, I’m free. If I feel this thing, I have to follow my heart. I have to just blurt out like “I’m in love with you, I don’t know if you feel the same way”. And to start out with, it wasn’t something that she let herself feel straight away. Determined and keeping faith Me: So what did she say when you said this? When you blurted this out? Corrina: She said “You know, I feel really connected with you, I love you a lot as a friend, but it’s not romantic for me”. Me: And how did that make you feel? Corrina: Oh, heartbroken. Absolutely heartbroken. But also there was something… it was almost like inside I was going ‘You just wait!’ (laughs) ‘You just wait. I know that you’re the one for me, I’ll just be patient, I’ll just hang on’. Me: Oh wow! Other people though could have had quite a different reaction, right? I mean some people might have, I imagine anyway, some people might have just, you know, stayed in the heartbroken phase and then just walked away, right? And lost it. Corrina: No, I believed, I really had faith that this… There was a reason I was feeling this way, I couldn’t ignore it, I couldn’t shake it, I just kept believing in it and stayed consistently just loving her and being a good friend in the months where… You know, it took 3 months basically of us staying friends and me just loving her, and loving her, and loving her. And then just after Christmas we got together as a couple. And just before Christmas… Me: And what happened? So how did that happen? Like you’re friends, it’s been like you know 3 months, she knows how you feel, did she just all of a sudden like make a move? Or did she say something to you? Corrina: Well, I made the move. Again. Me: (laughs) Oh my god! So it’s like ‘OK I’ve already been kind of rejected once, let me have another go’. Right? Corrina: Exactly! (laughs) Or a few gos! So there was that initial conversation and then there was another conversation where I basically said – this was just before Christmas – I basically said “Are you sure?” Me: Oh my god! Corrina: “I still feel this thing…” and she again was like “No really, we’re just friends”. So that was the second time and then third time lucky! I just made a move and I thought ‘You know what? I’m just gonna take a risk again, I’m just gonna be bold. What’s the worst that can happen? Rejection, right? What’s the best that can happen? I can be with the love of my life’. Me: Oh my god – yeah but that was still just so…Right, OK. That was still just so brave. Once is already like super brave, right? Braver than most people. Twice is like oh my god, you know, three times you start to think OK, hmmm… Corrina: Yeah, and it worked! (laughs) Third time lucky and it was just after Christmas and that was now 13 years ago – 14 years ago. What was she thinking? Me: And so what did she, like…You made the move and what did she then say? Was she like ‘oh I didn’t know until you touched me’ or was she like ‘oh I realized it at the same time as you’ or was she… Corrina: I think it was less of a thought thing. It was just, you know, when it happened then it just felt right. Like ‘oh this is where I was meant to be, OK, got it’. Me: And that’s what she felt too? Was that how she verbalised it to you? Corrina: Well and to give her credit here, so she’s gay and I’m bi, right? So for a gay woman, if a bisexual woman says ‘I’m in love with you’, there’s gonna be a sense of ‘hmm, OK maybe you’re just trying this out, maybe actually this is just a kind of short-term thing for you and really you’re gonna want to be with guys’ Me: Yeah, I’ve heard that, yeah. Proving her love Corrina: So it’s a real credit for her that for those months she was, you know, guarding her heart for that, because you don’t know what’s gonna happen, if that person declaring their love for you is gonna be constant. So I had to kind of prove that actually I meant it. When I said I loved her, I meant it and I was gonna be in it for the long haul. Me: So do you think that a part of her was not testing you, but kind of like unconsciously perhaps waiting? You know? Corrina: Yeah. Me: Oh OK, that makes a lot more sense. Cause in my mind I was imagining somebody who, you know, was neither gay nor bi and who maybe had, I don’t know, only gone out with guys or something and so then for somebody like that it would be much more of a 180, right? Corrina: Yeah, no she’s gay through and through. Me: Well, fortunately for you as it turns out, right? (laughs) The human being behind the coverings Corrina: Well that’s the thing for me as a bisexual woman. For me it’s not about the fact that I like men and women, it’s the fact that I like people and the gender is just irrelevant. And that’s kind of part of what happened in that spiritual awakening moment in Australia. It was like all of the coverings, you know, whether it’s our bodies or our personalities or any of that is kind of what covers the essence of us. And actually for me the essence of someone doesn’t have a gender. So I fell in love with her like I might have thought or indeed fell in love with guys in the past because I just fall in love with the person, you know, that essence of the human beings behind all the trappings. Me: That’s amazing because I feel the same way. It’s kind of weird how that works, right? It’s kind of like yeah, you feel the essence of the person. Seeing into the soul I mean I even had one guy say to me – this was like in a totally different context and we did not get together in the end but I do remember him saying to me at one point, I mean he wasn’t the right person for me but he was kind of freaked out at one stage. Because he was like “It’s like you want my soul!” and I was saying “It’s not that I want your soul, it’s that I see it!” I believe that I see it, right? And I think that you know, some people… I mean, credit to Sam as well because she’s obviously a really strong person too in that, you know, some people would be freaked out by that, right? Some people would be like ‘oh well…it’s the real me here that’s being…I don’t know if I want to say exposed but seen, right? Some people…we use those trappings to cover stuff up, right? As we all know, so…That brings a level of intimacy that’s probably quite cool I would imagine, right? Corrina: Yeah, and you know, don’t get me wrong, I love that she’s a woman as well. I love her long hair and her soft skin and her blue eyes, all the things that make her a woman as well I love. So it’s not like I don’t see those things, but that was never gonna be a filter, like I would only go for… The spectrum of sexuality Me: Yeah. I mean it’s really interesting because I…for me, I’m sure, I would imagine perhaps for you as well, I see the whole homosexual/heterosexual thing as this big spectrum and I have a really good friend who…Well I do playback theater and one of my friends, she’s in a playback theater troupe where they’re all either bi or gay or whatever, and then we did a workshop at one point. They were inviting guest playbackers to go. And one of the exercises they did that was…I just thought it was really cool. They said ‘put yourself…if stage left is like totally 100 percent gay and stage right is totally 100 percent heterosexual, put yourself on the spectrum, place yourself physically where you think you are’. It was really cool to see people, you know, all along the stage, all at different points. I just thought that was very normal, right? Because we’re all…for me, anyway, in my mind we’re all spiritual beings and so as you say, there’s no gender there, right? Corrina: And for some people there are. You know, that’s the thing, people who are that kind of 100 percent on the spectrum, brilliant, they’re really clear that they only want people of the opposite or the same sex. Yes, spectrum is beautiful. What Corrina does now Me: Yeah, wow! So now I really want to know more then about how… (laughs)…how you went from, well, what you do now to help people with their relationships. Because obviously you have a lot more knowledge than when you were in primary school and I know you’re helping people with a lot more than how to not get unwanted pregnancies and things! (laughs) Corrina: (laughs) Absolutely! Me: So what do you do now with people and how do you help them have these beautiful, deep relationships? Corrina: Yeah, and my work is around all relationships that are important. So it’s…my clients, some of them it’s really about their partner relationship but for others it’s about their relationship with their mom or their daughter or their brother. For me, connection…it’s a kind of cliche but connection is what we’re hard wired for. We as human beings love to connect, we love to love people with our full hearts. But there are so many things that stop that from happening within us. We get resentful, we get frustrated, we get disappointed, we feel let down, we feel indignant, all of this. And I over the course of my own personal journey have found a very, very miraculous way of dealing with all those blocks. So it’s the process of questioning your thoughts, questioning your stories, that block connection. An example of our made-up stories So let’s say I’m with Sam and let’s say she’s saying something that sounds critical. My story in my head goes, ‘she’s criticizing me, she doesn’t love me, she’s being mean to me’. You know, ‘I want her to be kind, I want her not to point out my flaws’, all of that. That is all story. It’s all mental. It’s all… Me: Yes! It’s all made up. Corrina: It’s all made up! And we don’t realize it, we think, ‘no but this is true, she’s criticizing me, this is what’s happening’. And so what I am so blessed to have come into contact with a number of years ago is the process of questioning those thoughts. Just sitting with those thoughts and asking them, ‘Is this true? Is this accurate, is this the correct interpretation of what’s going on?’ Not just is it true that that’s what’s going on, but is it true that I would be better off if it were happening differently? Me: OK… Corrina: Like am I sure? So let’s say your loved one is truly critizing you. They’re saying to you “you’re a stupid, ugly, whatever, whatever”. Can I be sure that my happiness depends on them not saying that? Can I be sure that I can only feel good about myself and peaceful if they stop doing that? Because it sets up a very limited version of life if I’m always waiting for someone else to give me something, to give me what I think I need in order to be peaceful and happy. It’s like I delay my peace and my happiness until other people and other circumstances arrange themselves in just the right way. Our rules…and our scripts Me: Yeah, it’s like our rules, right? Where we all have these rules about what has to happen for us to be happy and the more…the easier it is to be happy, then the happier we are, right? Corrina: Exactly, exactly. I talk about our scripts. It’s like, I realized pretty early on with Sam that I had a script, that if she followed this script and she said and she did exactly what I, you know, expected her to do then I would feel happy, but if she went off script then I wouldn’t be happy, I’d be pissed off. She really helped me see this, she said to me one day “Why don’t you just give me your fucking script Corrina! Give me your script, tell me what I need to do”. And I was like “How dare you! This is just what you’re meant to do, you’re my wife, this is how you’re meant to treat me”. Then it kind of dawned on me a few days later, like ‘oh my gosh, my script is the source of all of my unhappiness. Every moment that I want her to be doing something other than what’s reality, I am causing my own unhappiness’. Corrina’s ‘big work’ Me: Right. So then your relationship was, I guess, far from…I don’t want to say far from idyllic, but you had to work through some of this stuff in your relationship with Sam? Corrina: One hundred percent. I wouldn’t be doing this work if I hadn’t had to…if this hadn’t been my big work. You know, so yes like I was completely besotted with her in the beginning, and we got together and it was blissful, and then all my stories started to kick in. ‘Hmmm, well she’s not this’ and ‘hmmm, she said that and that’s not OK’ and ‘would I be better off with someone who did this’ and you know, all those stories eroded what I had imagined would be this perfect relationship. So it’s like I had to work on that, I had to take those stories and stop those stories from sabotaging this beautiful relationship that we had underneath all those stories. Me: Yeah. It’s good that you managed to do that, thank goodness, right? Corrina: I mean, it saved my marriage. It saved my relationship. A daily practice Me: And did it take a long time? Corrina: Yeah, it’s a daily practice. It really is a daily practice, it’s like if you want to be fit, like you’ve done today (laughs), you go to the gym, you go for a run, you do your yoga. You don’t just be like ‘oh I’ll do it one time and then it’s done’. If you want a healthy, thriving, fit relationship with anybody, whether it’s your son or your dad or your sister, there’s daily practice to do. There’s daily work to do every time you get triggered, every time something gets in the way of you being totally, wholeheartedly connected with the human being in front of you, you’ve got something to look at there. Me: Yeah, but at least you can…I mean, what am I trying to say, there comes a time when you catch yourself, right? At least, you know, having done a certain amount of work, then you can get to the point where you see what’s happening, right? As an observer almost and you can go ‘OK hang on, I’m doing this again, this is my script’. Whereas at the beginning, you know, when people aren’t even aware of their scripts, I imagine it takes them a little bit… well it depends on the person I guess, right? How much time it would take them to start to see and to start to implement I guess the tools that you give them, right? Corrina: Absolutely, yes, you’re completely spot on. When you get triggered And you know, now I’m at the point where I get triggered and it could be like anything, right? It could be I’m on Facebook and I see a message from someone and I feel like ‘oh they should have, you know, complimented me rather than give me negative feedback on something’. Right? Instantly, ‘oh! OK, there’s a trigger! A button’s gotten pushed’. And now I’m at the point where I’m like ‘Oooh, good, what’s here for me?’ Me: I do the same thing, that’s really funny! Yeah, I had something that happened the other day that made me so angry and then I’m like ‘OK if this is making me this angry and, you know, the other 30 people in the room are not angry, they actually think it’s quite cute…’ (laughs) We all get triggered, even by 8-year old authors I’ll tell you what it was, it was quite funny. I was at this day workshop with an amazing speaker and there was this little girl, she’s like 8 years old and she’s written a book. Actually she’s written 3 books, right? Corrina: Wow! Me: And it made me so annoyed! And I just thought…you know, not only envious, obviously envious, you know, 3 books at age 8, but also annoyed because, you know, her mom was there and I knew what it was. It brought up all the old scripts of, you know, stage mothers because I did theater before and so I had a good friend who had a stage mother who was just absolutely unbearable whereas, you know, my mom was the opposite. So I see what you mean, you get these reactions, right, that are completely irrational because the people around me were applauding her and they were like ‘oh isn’t that wonderful’ and I was like inside going ‘this is making me so angry!’ But we all get triggered, don’t we, right? Examples of tiny triggers Corrina: Oh, everyone. And it could be like the tiniest thing, that’s what I always find fascinating. It could be just one line in an email. Or it could be just the way that your partner, you know, turns over in their sleep, just the tiniest little things. Often my clients say to me “Oh, you know, I can’t bring this to you today, it’s just so small” and I’m like “No, no, that’s exactly what to bring!”. The fact that he put tofu in the stir fry rather than kidney beans, you know. There was something, there was some offense against you. So there you are with that 8 year old girl, that offense that she’s committing against you in that moment that’s kind of violating something is like, you know, ‘she’s further ahead than me’ or ‘she’s achieved one of my life goals’ or, you know… Me: Yeah, and she’s 8 and I’m 55! Corrina: And she’s 8! It’s just to be so compassionate with ourselves that ‘oh look, there’s this part of me that feels in some way threatened or violated or hurt by this, let me just so lovingly look there and heal that part of myself’. Being compassionate with yourself Me: Ah, yeah, that’s a really key point there that you brought up so I just wanted to emphasize it, yeah. That being compassionate with that part of ourselves, right? Rather than being like, OK, you know, with that kind of…what’s the word, forced smile on our faces, going ‘Ah, another beautiful part of me to transform’, you know (laughs), right? Right? And we can be quite hard on ourselves with that, right, and be like ‘OK what’s at the bottom of this!’ and take a kind of like pickaxe to it. At least that’s what I would do or could do rather than choosing to as you say, acknowledge with love that part of ourselves and treat it as part of, you know, part of the inner child or whatever you want to call it, that needs love and compassion. That’s a really interesting point that we don’t want to forget. Wow! That’s very cool. How to work with Corrina So when you work with people, I would love to hear just a bit more about what the different ways are that you…Do people come to see you in an office, or do you do things online, or how does that work? Corrina: Yes, so right now it’s one to one. There’s a potential of me offering something else in the kind of group workshop, retreat way, but not for now. What I do is I do free videos, everyone can just watch a free video every week, all about relationship hotspots and how to move past them, and then if people feel inspired and really like they’re wanting that support, they can have the one to one coaching. And for now that is by Skype or by phone, and I’m just starting to also offer that in person as well for people who I’m unable to physically meet with. Me: Yeah. That’s really fantastic, well thank you so much. What I’ll do is, I’ll link to everything that you do in the show notes but where’s the best place for people to look online to find out more about what you’re doing and more about you and to get access to the videos and things? An online video library…and a 7 Day Relationship Challenge Corrina: Yeah, so if they go to corrinagordonbarnes.com, I’ll just spell that out, and if you go to the blog page that’s where I’ve got all the videos and articles that have happened so far. So that’s a really good place just to go, it’s like settling into a library of relationship wisdom and gems, just settling in and watching some of the videos and just seeing if the approach makes sense to you. The right people for this work are people who watch a video and go ‘oh my gosh, that makes so much sense!’ And they apply that tip that I’m sharing and they come back and they say “Wow I had this incredible experience with my mom! Because I did the thing that you…” I do like challenges in the video so they’re like “I did the challenge that you set and I had a completely different experience with my mom this week, thank you!” Me: That’s brilliant! Corrina: It’s so good, it’s so satisfying. So on the blog page that’s where people can look at all the videos so far. And on the homepage people can sign up for the free 7 Day Relationship Challenge. 7 days to feel more connected Me: That sounds intriguing for sure! Corrina: Yes! It’s 7 days to feel more connected, that’s the overarching focus. How can you feel more connected? That beautiful feeling of just wholehearted connection with the person in front of you, and I give a number of challenges that you can actually implement to help you feel that way. Me: That is really fantastic! Well, I mean yeah, because as you say, we’re all starving for connection and I mean, we could do a whole episode just about the different ways people connect, right? Through food and smoking and alcohol, and, you know, apart from people, right? Corrina: Facebook! Me: Facebook! There’s so many…it’s a massive, massive topic but…so I wish we had more time! But thank you so much for being here to share your story, because I love your story and I love your journey and I really, really love what you’re doing right now, so I’m really grateful that you took the time to share that with us, so thank you so much! Corrina: You’re very welcome, thank you so much! A food to help with travel sickness So now I mentioned at the beginning of this episode that I’d share with you one of the best foods you can eat for help with travel sickness. And I think it will come as no surprise for most of you anyway to hear that that food is…ginger! Ginger has so many benefits it’s ridiculous. Not only can it help with travel sickness, but it’s also beneficial for other causes of nausea, like morning sickness, and it can help with pain relief as well. Why ginger is so helpful So this powerful little root contains loads of antioxidant and antiinflammatory compounds, including curcumin and capsaicin which are also found in turmeric which is another superfood. They’re part of the same plant family, turmeric, ginger and cardamom. Ginger also contains a ton of vitamins and minerals, including calcium, potassium, magnesium, phosphorus, niacin, iron, zinc and folate. A big list, right? And ginger is a great way to warm us up, because it’s a diaphoretic (that was my new word for today), which means that it heats the body from the inside out. So if you live in a cold climate for example, ginger can literally help warm you up inside. It also helps promote sweating, which is why it’s so good to have ginger tea if you’ve got a cold and you need to sweat out some toxins. Ginger even helps with pain relief But did you know that ginger can also help with pain relief? Two examples are exercise-induced muscle pain (so if you work out, eat some ginger), as well as menstrual cramps. So the next time you’re feeling crampy (I don’t know if that’s a word but I’ve just decided it is!), make yourself some strong ginger tea and see how you feel. Ginger can also help reduce inflammation, so scientists are looking to see if it can help with cancer, and particularly colon cancer. Ginger also is showing promise for helping treat that as well as inflammation caused by osteoarthritis. I’ll link to an article in the show notes that has more information about ginger’s many properties and benefits, it also includes links to the actual research in case you’d like to know more about that. And in addition I’ll link to an article that has some overall tips for avoiding travel sickness, including using ginger. So how do you eat ginger? If you need help with travel sickness and you want instant relief, well, you can definitely try peeling the root and gnawing on a piece…although I haven’t done that myself. Ginger’s pretty strong stuff. What I do is I usually juice a small piece of ginger with some carrots and apples for a really zinging morning juice. It tastes really, really good. Or you can pop a piece into your blender with other veggies and maybe some fruit for a green smoothie or a soup to give it a bit of a zing. It also helps you use less salt because it’s got a really strong flavor. Other people prefer to slice a few pieces into some very hot water and let it steep for a while with a slice or two of lemon to make ginger tea. And you can also grate ginger into soups, curries and other savory dishes. Or even just chop it finely and use it in stir-frys. I’ll link in the show notes to some recipes that I’ve got in my 5-Minute Mains recipe ebook that use ginger too, such as my Green Thai Curry. One thing for sure that I definitely recommend is that you use fresh ginger root wherever possible, rather than powdered ginger or capsules. I say that because the fresh vegetable is so easy to use and it’s always best I think to have the actual vegetable rather than some dried out version in a plastic capsule. But then again if capsules are all you have access to, better that than no ginger! If you do try something new with ginger, or something else that you feel can help with travel sickness, definitely share in the comments because I want to know! Have YOU got a story to share? Which brings us to the end of this week’s story – and if you’ve got a true story to share (and you’d like to know what food could have saved the day in your situation), I’d love to hear from you! Got a question, or a comment? Got a question, or a comment? Pop a note below in the comments, that would be awesome. You can also subscribe to the podcast to listen ‘on the go’ in iTunes. I hope you have an amazing day. Thank you so much for being here with me to share in my Clean Food, Dirty Stories. Bye for now! RESOURCES Link to 5-Minute Mains and other recipe ebooks: Article with nutritional information on ginger as well as links to scientific studies: Article with general tips to help with travel sickness: Corrina Gordon-Barnes is a Relationship Coach who’s committed to a world of happy couples and happy families. She teaches her clients how to be really good at relationships – how to love full-heartedly, let go of resentments, forgive, accept and live from power not victimhood. She lives in Cambridge, England with her wife, Sam.You can find Corrina at her website, on Twitter, Facebook and YouTube. Source link

[ramestoryworld]

Corrina Gordon-Barnes’ journey from dating guys to finding a wife…thanks to travel sickness! And of course the best food to help with travel sickness (in case you’ve already found your partner…) In addition to this story, at the end of this episode I’ll share with you the best food for travel sickness (in case you’ve already found your wife or partner). OK enough hints from me, let’s get on with the story. Our guest, Corrina Gordon-Barnes I am super excited to be joined here today for our story by Corrina Gordon-Barnes. Corrina is a Relationship Coach who’s committed to a world of happy couples and happy families. She teaches her clients how to be really good at relationships. So Corrina, welcome to the Clean Food, Dirty Stories podcast! I’m really excited to have you here today! Corrina: Thank you so much for inviting me to connect with you. Me: Oh well you’re so welcome! I love your story and I really can’t wait for us to share it with everybody. Corrina’s story, starting with being boy mad Me: Without further ado, the first question I wanted to ask you…and I’ve said a little bit about what you do now, but when you were small, or younger, how did you see your dream relationship one day? Did you have princess dreams or did you have a particular type of partner in mind before you actually met your life partner? Corrina: Well, I was boy mad. Me: Boy mad! Corrina: Boy mad, like going through my primary school years, I remember that I was the one in my class who learned about sex really early. I was the one who would get all these teenage magazines, even as a late primary school age kid, and I would be teaching my friends at school. “You can get pregnant the first time you have sex” and “be careful with your boyfriend”. Me: Oh my god! A relationship expert…in primary school Corrina: I was like this relationship expert, even at that age I was teaching my friends. Like “these are all the myths, don’t do this, do this” and so I was kind of boy mad, I was relationship mad. Getting into my teens I remember with my friends we would literally kind of go out prowling the streets. We would walk along the high street in my town where I lived and we would be looking for boys and we would be kind of flirting and coy. There was always some boy that I had my eye on. Always some guy who had my attention, I would try and make sure I was in the same place as him so that he would see me… Me: Sounds familiar, yeah. So I was definitely, I definitely wanted boys. That was very clear to me. Me: And you got engaged to a boy at one stage, right? Corrina: Yeah, so I had one really long term relationship before I met who is now my partner, and we got engaged at age 17. Me: Wow! We were gonna get married and we were gonna have all these babies and we were gonna live in this particular kind of house and have this life… That was the path that I thought I was on at that age. Me: So then what happened to take you off that path? The path to self-discovery Corrina: Well that relationship was not the right one, and so that ended 4 years later and I stayed then single for quite a while. You know, I was really wanting to find myself. So I went on this whole spiritual, personal growth journey. I read every book I could get, I did meditation, I went vegan… It had this whole kind of personal growth change in my life. Me: What do you think prompted that? Was it the end of that relationship that prompted that? I mean, what were your thoughts? Were you just like ‘Oh I think I need to take care of myself more’ or become a different person, or…? Corrina: I was in Australia and I was just there travelling for a year. And I met this guy – surprisingly enough – in a cafe. He just said “Hey I go to this meditation course down the road, why don’t you come along”. And so I went and that very first moment, that very first time in the room with that meditation teacher, she told me that I was a spiritual being. She said to me – to the whole group but I really heard this – “You are a spirit soul having this human experience, but you are a spiritual being”. It was like someone had just told me who I was. Like “oh my gosh, that’s who I am, this human life is how I get to journey and explore and have an adventure, but I’m a spiritual being”. The layers (or the clothes) fall away Me: So did you have that as like an inner knowing, or how did you experience it? Because people experience those things in different ways, right? Some people experience a physical sensation of light, other people experience it as just an inner sense of knowing… Corrina: It was like all my clothes fell off. Me: (laughs) Um…I haven’t heard that one before! Corrina: It was like this casing, this casing just fell off. I literally woke up the next morning and I was vegan, I went from a complete meat eater to being vegan overnight just like that. And I was just on this journey then to just explore and discover myself and get back to the essential nature of my being. It was like everything that wasn’t true about me just kind of fell away over the coming months. Me: Wow. That’s very cool! Corrina: Yeah, it was pretty cool, I felt much lighter, it was like clothes coming off. I was just light, I was much, much lighter, much more energized, much freer, much more joyful. Me: It’s interesting that you say that for you, all your clothes coming off, like some people might associate that with being exposed, right? Being vulnerable. And for you, you associate that with being light. So that’s really interesting. Corrina: And just free. I remember in Australia, those kind of days, weeks after that moment. It was like I was floating along the streets. I was so free, I was feeling so connected with people, like I had just woken up. On to Cambridge University…and a fated bus trip Me: Yeah. Wow! And so how did you get from there to Cambridge University? Corrina: Yeah, so I decided that I wanted to do teacher training so I came to Cambridge University and signed up for the English and Drama teacher training course here. And on that very first day in class, they sat me next to this woman called Sam. There was something about her that just immediately kind of, like something just…a light bulb went off or something just happened. It was like ‘Huh, she’s just come on my radar really strongly, why am I paying attention to her so much?’ So she was really in my awareness and we were both in the same school together so we were both placed to do our teacher practice in the same school. And on the first day of teaching practice, I got onto the bus that would take us to our practice school and I got on and she was sitting in the front seat. Now I always need to sit in the front seat in a bus because I get travel sick. So I just went over to her…I’d already clocked her as someone who was on my radar, and I just said “Oh, are you OK if I join you in the front seat?” And she said “Yeah sure, I have to sit here because I get travel sick” and I said “Oh me too!” So we sat side by side and over the months to come we became best friends. Just absolutely clicked, became best friends, incredible support through the whole teaching practice. A brave declaration Me: And was there any like physical attraction at that stage? Or did that come later? Corrina: Immediately! Immediately, I was like ‘Huh! What is this woman doing to me, what is this, what is happening here? I just feel energized around her, she lights me up, I feel excited, I feel like the world is just kind of shinier…’ Me: Wow! Corrina: Everything just felt brighter and more energized. Me: It sounds like a good, a good…I don’t know, I mean, I’ve never like taken acid or anything but (laughs) it sounds like, you know, a positive drug experience without the drugs, right? Corrina: (laughs) Totally! Totally, a kind of ‘switch-on, turn-on, I’m awake, I’m alive, oh my gosh, who are you’ kind of thing. Me: Was it the same for her as well? Corrina: Well what was so funny was that over the months that then came, was that I basically told her (laughs). I just said “Basically I’ve realized that I’m just completely in love with you. Do you feel that too?” Me: Wow! That was so brave of you cause you were friends at that stage, right? Like best friends, you don’t want to wreck your relationship with your best friend by taking the risk but you did! Corrina: I just did! And that’s kind of, you know, the kind of continuity of the whole spiritual journey for me of just like I’m free. You know, I’m free. If I feel this thing, I have to follow my heart. I have to just blurt out like “I’m in love with you, I don’t know if you feel the same way”. And to start out with, it wasn’t something that she let herself feel straight away. Determined and keeping faith Me: So what did she say when you said this? When you blurted this out? Corrina: She said “You know, I feel really connected with you, I love you a lot as a friend, but it’s not romantic for me”. Me: And how did that make you feel? Corrina: Oh, heartbroken. Absolutely heartbroken. But also there was something… it was almost like inside I was going ‘You just wait!’ (laughs) ‘You just wait. I know that you’re the one for me, I’ll just be patient, I’ll just hang on’. Me: Oh wow! Other people though could have had quite a different reaction, right? I mean some people might have, I imagine anyway, some people might have just, you know, stayed in the heartbroken phase and then just walked away, right? And lost it. Corrina: No, I believed, I really had faith that this… There was a reason I was feeling this way, I couldn’t ignore it, I couldn’t shake it, I just kept believing in it and stayed consistently just loving her and being a good friend in the months where… You know, it took 3 months basically of us staying friends and me just loving her, and loving her, and loving her. And then just after Christmas we got together as a couple. And just before Christmas… Me: And what happened? So how did that happen? Like you’re friends, it’s been like you know 3 months, she knows how you feel, did she just all of a sudden like make a move? Or did she say something to you? Corrina: Well, I made the move. Again. Me: (laughs) Oh my god! So it’s like ‘OK I’ve already been kind of rejected once, let me have another go’. Right? Corrina: Exactly! (laughs) Or a few gos! So there was that initial conversation and then there was another conversation where I basically said – this was just before Christmas – I basically said “Are you sure?” Me: Oh my god! Corrina: “I still feel this thing…” and she again was like “No really, we’re just friends”. So that was the second time and then third time lucky! I just made a move and I thought ‘You know what? I’m just gonna take a risk again, I’m just gonna be bold. What’s the worst that can happen? Rejection, right? What’s the best that can happen? I can be with the love of my life’. Me: Oh my god – yeah but that was still just so…Right, OK. That was still just so brave. Once is already like super brave, right? Braver than most people. Twice is like oh my god, you know, three times you start to think OK, hmmm… Corrina: Yeah, and it worked! (laughs) Third time lucky and it was just after Christmas and that was now 13 years ago – 14 years ago. What was she thinking? Me: And so what did she, like…You made the move and what did she then say? Was she like ‘oh I didn’t know until you touched me’ or was she like ‘oh I realized it at the same time as you’ or was she… Corrina: I think it was less of a thought thing. It was just, you know, when it happened then it just felt right. Like ‘oh this is where I was meant to be, OK, got it’. Me: And that’s what she felt too? Was that how she verbalised it to you? Corrina: Well and to give her credit here, so she’s gay and I’m bi, right? So for a gay woman, if a bisexual woman says ‘I’m in love with you’, there’s gonna be a sense of ‘hmm, OK maybe you’re just trying this out, maybe actually this is just a kind of short-term thing for you and really you’re gonna want to be with guys’ Me: Yeah, I’ve heard that, yeah. Proving her love Corrina: So it’s a real credit for her that for those months she was, you know, guarding her heart for that, because you don’t know what’s gonna happen, if that person declaring their love for you is gonna be constant. So I had to kind of prove that actually I meant it. When I said I loved her, I meant it and I was gonna be in it for the long haul. Me: So do you think that a part of her was not testing you, but kind of like unconsciously perhaps waiting? You know? Corrina: Yeah. Me: Oh OK, that makes a lot more sense. Cause in my mind I was imagining somebody who, you know, was neither gay nor bi and who maybe had, I don’t know, only gone out with guys or something and so then for somebody like that it would be much more of a 180, right? Corrina: Yeah, no she’s gay through and through. Me: Well, fortunately for you as it turns out, right? (laughs) The human being behind the coverings Corrina: Well that’s the thing for me as a bisexual woman. For me it’s not about the fact that I like men and women, it’s the fact that I like people and the gender is just irrelevant. And that’s kind of part of what happened in that spiritual awakening moment in Australia. It was like all of the coverings, you know, whether it’s our bodies or our personalities or any of that is kind of what covers the essence of us. And actually for me the essence of someone doesn’t have a gender. So I fell in love with her like I might have thought or indeed fell in love with guys in the past because I just fall in love with the person, you know, that essence of the human beings behind all the trappings. Me: That’s amazing because I feel the same way. It’s kind of weird how that works, right? It’s kind of like yeah, you feel the essence of the person. Seeing into the soul I mean I even had one guy say to me – this was like in a totally different context and we did not get together in the end but I do remember him saying to me at one point, I mean he wasn’t the right person for me but he was kind of freaked out at one stage. Because he was like “It’s like you want my soul!” and I was saying “It’s not that I want your soul, it’s that I see it!” I believe that I see it, right? And I think that you know, some people… I mean, credit to Sam as well because she’s obviously a really strong person too in that, you know, some people would be freaked out by that, right? Some people would be like ‘oh well…it’s the real me here that’s being…I don’t know if I want to say exposed but seen, right? Some people…we use those trappings to cover stuff up, right? As we all know, so…That brings a level of intimacy that’s probably quite cool I would imagine, right? Corrina: Yeah, and you know, don’t get me wrong, I love that she’s a woman as well. I love her long hair and her soft skin and her blue eyes, all the things that make her a woman as well I love. So it’s not like I don’t see those things, but that was never gonna be a filter, like I would only go for… The spectrum of sexuality Me: Yeah. I mean it’s really interesting because I…for me, I’m sure, I would imagine perhaps for you as well, I see the whole homosexual/heterosexual thing as this big spectrum and I have a really good friend who…Well I do playback theater and one of my friends, she’s in a playback theater troupe where they’re all either bi or gay or whatever, and then we did a workshop at one point. They were inviting guest playbackers to go. And one of the exercises they did that was…I just thought it was really cool. They said ‘put yourself…if stage left is like totally 100 percent gay and stage right is totally 100 percent heterosexual, put yourself on the spectrum, place yourself physically where you think you are’. It was really cool to see people, you know, all along the stage, all at different points. I just thought that was very normal, right? Because we’re all…for me, anyway, in my mind we’re all spiritual beings and so as you say, there’s no gender there, right? Corrina: And for some people there are. You know, that’s the thing, people who are that kind of 100 percent on the spectrum, brilliant, they’re really clear that they only want people of the opposite or the same sex. Yes, spectrum is beautiful. What Corrina does now Me: Yeah, wow! So now I really want to know more then about how… (laughs)…how you went from, well, what you do now to help people with their relationships. Because obviously you have a lot more knowledge than when you were in primary school and I know you’re helping people with a lot more than how to not get unwanted pregnancies and things! (laughs) Corrina: (laughs) Absolutely! Me: So what do you do now with people and how do you help them have these beautiful, deep relationships? Corrina: Yeah, and my work is around all relationships that are important. So it’s…my clients, some of them it’s really about their partner relationship but for others it’s about their relationship with their mom or their daughter or their brother. For me, connection…it’s a kind of cliche but connection is what we’re hard wired for. We as human beings love to connect, we love to love people with our full hearts. But there are so many things that stop that from happening within us. We get resentful, we get frustrated, we get disappointed, we feel let down, we feel indignant, all of this. And I over the course of my own personal journey have found a very, very miraculous way of dealing with all those blocks. So it’s the process of questioning your thoughts, questioning your stories, that block connection. An example of our made-up stories So let’s say I’m with Sam and let’s say she’s saying something that sounds critical. My story in my head goes, ‘she’s criticizing me, she doesn’t love me, she’s being mean to me’. You know, ‘I want her to be kind, I want her not to point out my flaws’, all of that. That is all story. It’s all mental. It’s all… Me: Yes! It’s all made up. Corrina: It’s all made up! And we don’t realize it, we think, ‘no but this is true, she’s criticizing me, this is what’s happening’. And so what I am so blessed to have come into contact with a number of years ago is the process of questioning those thoughts. Just sitting with those thoughts and asking them, ‘Is this true? Is this accurate, is this the correct interpretation of what’s going on?’ Not just is it true that that’s what’s going on, but is it true that I would be better off if it were happening differently? Me: OK… Corrina: Like am I sure? So let’s say your loved one is truly critizing you. They’re saying to you “you’re a stupid, ugly, whatever, whatever”. Can I be sure that my happiness depends on them not saying that? Can I be sure that I can only feel good about myself and peaceful if they stop doing that? Because it sets up a very limited version of life if I’m always waiting for someone else to give me something, to give me what I think I need in order to be peaceful and happy. It’s like I delay my peace and my happiness until other people and other circumstances arrange themselves in just the right way. Our rules…and our scripts Me: Yeah, it’s like our rules, right? Where we all have these rules about what has to happen for us to be happy and the more…the easier it is to be happy, then the happier we are, right? Corrina: Exactly, exactly. I talk about our scripts. It’s like, I realized pretty early on with Sam that I had a script, that if she followed this script and she said and she did exactly what I, you know, expected her to do then I would feel happy, but if she went off script then I wouldn’t be happy, I’d be pissed off. She really helped me see this, she said to me one day “Why don’t you just give me your fucking script Corrina! Give me your script, tell me what I need to do”. And I was like “How dare you! This is just what you’re meant to do, you’re my wife, this is how you’re meant to treat me”. Then it kind of dawned on me a few days later, like ‘oh my gosh, my script is the source of all of my unhappiness. Every moment that I want her to be doing something other than what’s reality, I am causing my own unhappiness’. Corrina’s ‘big work’ Me: Right. So then your relationship was, I guess, far from…I don’t want to say far from idyllic, but you had to work through some of this stuff in your relationship with Sam? Corrina: One hundred percent. I wouldn’t be doing this work if I hadn’t had to…if this hadn’t been my big work. You know, so yes like I was completely besotted with her in the beginning, and we got together and it was blissful, and then all my stories started to kick in. ‘Hmmm, well she’s not this’ and ‘hmmm, she said that and that’s not OK’ and ‘would I be better off with someone who did this’ and you know, all those stories eroded what I had imagined would be this perfect relationship. So it’s like I had to work on that, I had to take those stories and stop those stories from sabotaging this beautiful relationship that we had underneath all those stories. Me: Yeah. It’s good that you managed to do that, thank goodness, right? Corrina: I mean, it saved my marriage. It saved my relationship. A daily practice Me: And did it take a long time? Corrina: Yeah, it’s a daily practice. It really is a daily practice, it’s like if you want to be fit, like you’ve done today (laughs), you go to the gym, you go for a run, you do your yoga. You don’t just be like ‘oh I’ll do it one time and then it’s done’. If you want a healthy, thriving, fit relationship with anybody, whether it’s your son or your dad or your sister, there’s daily practice to do. There’s daily work to do every time you get triggered, every time something gets in the way of you being totally, wholeheartedly connected with the human being in front of you, you’ve got something to look at there. Me: Yeah, but at least you can…I mean, what am I trying to say, there comes a time when you catch yourself, right? At least, you know, having done a certain amount of work, then you can get to the point where you see what’s happening, right? As an observer almost and you can go ‘OK hang on, I’m doing this again, this is my script’. Whereas at the beginning, you know, when people aren’t even aware of their scripts, I imagine it takes them a little bit… well it depends on the person I guess, right? How much time it would take them to start to see and to start to implement I guess the tools that you give them, right? Corrina: Absolutely, yes, you’re completely spot on. When you get triggered And you know, now I’m at the point where I get triggered and it could be like anything, right? It could be I’m on Facebook and I see a message from someone and I feel like ‘oh they should have, you know, complimented me rather than give me negative feedback on something’. Right? Instantly, ‘oh! OK, there’s a trigger! A button’s gotten pushed’. And now I’m at the point where I’m like ‘Oooh, good, what’s here for me?’ Me: I do the same thing, that’s really funny! Yeah, I had something that happened the other day that made me so angry and then I’m like ‘OK if this is making me this angry and, you know, the other 30 people in the room are not angry, they actually think it’s quite cute…’ (laughs) We all get triggered, even by 8-year old authors I’ll tell you what it was, it was quite funny. I was at this day workshop with an amazing speaker and there was this little girl, she’s like 8 years old and she’s written a book. Actually she’s written 3 books, right? Corrina: Wow! Me: And it made me so annoyed! And I just thought…you know, not only envious, obviously envious, you know, 3 books at age 8, but also annoyed because, you know, her mom was there and I knew what it was. It brought up all the old scripts of, you know, stage mothers because I did theater before and so I had a good friend who had a stage mother who was just absolutely unbearable whereas, you know, my mom was the opposite. So I see what you mean, you get these reactions, right, that are completely irrational because the people around me were applauding her and they were like ‘oh isn’t that wonderful’ and I was like inside going ‘this is making me so angry!’ But we all get triggered, don’t we, right? Examples of tiny triggers Corrina: Oh, everyone. And it could be like the tiniest thing, that’s what I always find fascinating. It could be just one line in an email. Or it could be just the way that your partner, you know, turns over in their sleep, just the tiniest little things. Often my clients say to me “Oh, you know, I can’t bring this to you today, it’s just so small” and I’m like “No, no, that’s exactly what to bring!”. The fact that he put tofu in the stir fry rather than kidney beans, you know. There was something, there was some offense against you. So there you are with that 8 year old girl, that offense that she’s committing against you in that moment that’s kind of violating something is like, you know, ‘she’s further ahead than me’ or ‘she’s achieved one of my life goals’ or, you know… Me: Yeah, and she’s 8 and I’m 55! Corrina: And she’s 8! It’s just to be so compassionate with ourselves that ‘oh look, there’s this part of me that feels in some way threatened or violated or hurt by this, let me just so lovingly look there and heal that part of myself’. Being compassionate with yourself Me: Ah, yeah, that’s a really key point there that you brought up so I just wanted to emphasize it, yeah. That being compassionate with that part of ourselves, right? Rather than being like, OK, you know, with that kind of…what’s the word, forced smile on our faces, going ‘Ah, another beautiful part of me to transform’, you know (laughs), right? Right? And we can be quite hard on ourselves with that, right, and be like ‘OK what’s at the bottom of this!’ and take a kind of like pickaxe to it. At least that’s what I would do or could do rather than choosing to as you say, acknowledge with love that part of ourselves and treat it as part of, you know, part of the inner child or whatever you want to call it, that needs love and compassion. That’s a really interesting point that we don’t want to forget. Wow! That’s very cool. How to work with Corrina So when you work with people, I would love to hear just a bit more about what the different ways are that you…Do people come to see you in an office, or do you do things online, or how does that work? Corrina: Yes, so right now it’s one to one. There’s a potential of me offering something else in the kind of group workshop, retreat way, but not for now. What I do is I do free videos, everyone can just watch a free video every week, all about relationship hotspots and how to move past them, and then if people feel inspired and really like they’re wanting that support, they can have the one to one coaching. And for now that is by Skype or by phone, and I’m just starting to also offer that in person as well for people who I’m unable to physically meet with. Me: Yeah. That’s really fantastic, well thank you so much. What I’ll do is, I’ll link to everything that you do in the show notes but where’s the best place for people to look online to find out more about what you’re doing and more about you and to get access to the videos and things? An online video library…and a 7 Day Relationship Challenge Corrina: Yeah, so if they go to corrinagordonbarnes.com, I’ll just spell that out, and if you go to the blog page that’s where I’ve got all the videos and articles that have happened so far. So that’s a really good place just to go, it’s like settling into a library of relationship wisdom and gems, just settling in and watching some of the videos and just seeing if the approach makes sense to you. The right people for this work are people who watch a video and go ‘oh my gosh, that makes so much sense!’ And they apply that tip that I’m sharing and they come back and they say “Wow I had this incredible experience with my mom! Because I did the thing that you…” I do like challenges in the video so they’re like “I did the challenge that you set and I had a completely different experience with my mom this week, thank you!” Me: That’s brilliant! Corrina: It’s so good, it’s so satisfying. So on the blog page that’s where people can look at all the videos so far. And on the homepage people can sign up for the free 7 Day Relationship Challenge. 7 days to feel more connected Me: That sounds intriguing for sure! Corrina: Yes! It’s 7 days to feel more connected, that’s the overarching focus. How can you feel more connected? That beautiful feeling of just wholehearted connection with the person in front of you, and I give a number of challenges that you can actually implement to help you feel that way. Me: That is really fantastic! Well, I mean yeah, because as you say, we’re all starving for connection and I mean, we could do a whole episode just about the different ways people connect, right? Through food and smoking and alcohol, and, you know, apart from people, right? Corrina: Facebook! Me: Facebook! There’s so many…it’s a massive, massive topic but…so I wish we had more time! But thank you so much for being here to share your story, because I love your story and I love your journey and I really, really love what you’re doing right now, so I’m really grateful that you took the time to share that with us, so thank you so much! Corrina: You’re very welcome, thank you so much! A food to help with travel sickness So now I mentioned at the beginning of this episode that I’d share with you one of the best foods you can eat for help with travel sickness. And I think it will come as no surprise for most of you anyway to hear that that food is…ginger! Ginger has so many benefits it’s ridiculous. Not only can it help with travel sickness, but it’s also beneficial for other causes of nausea, like morning sickness, and it can help with pain relief as well. Why ginger is so helpful So this powerful little root contains loads of antioxidant and antiinflammatory compounds, including curcumin and capsaicin which are also found in turmeric which is another superfood. They’re part of the same plant family, turmeric, ginger and cardamom. Ginger also contains a ton of vitamins and minerals, including calcium, potassium, magnesium, phosphorus, niacin, iron, zinc and folate. A big list, right? And ginger is a great way to warm us up, because it’s a diaphoretic (that was my new word for today), which means that it heats the body from the inside out. So if you live in a cold climate for example, ginger can literally help warm you up inside. It also helps promote sweating, which is why it’s so good to have ginger tea if you’ve got a cold and you need to sweat out some toxins. Ginger even helps with pain relief But did you know that ginger can also help with pain relief? Two examples are exercise-induced muscle pain (so if you work out, eat some ginger), as well as menstrual cramps. So the next time you’re feeling crampy (I don’t know if that’s a word but I’ve just decided it is!), make yourself some strong ginger tea and see how you feel. Ginger can also help reduce inflammation, so scientists are looking to see if it can help with cancer, and particularly colon cancer. Ginger also is showing promise for helping treat that as well as inflammation caused by osteoarthritis. I’ll link to an article in the show notes that has more information about ginger’s many properties and benefits, it also includes links to the actual research in case you’d like to know more about that. And in addition I’ll link to an article that has some overall tips for avoiding travel sickness, including using ginger. So how do you eat ginger? If you need help with travel sickness and you want instant relief, well, you can definitely try peeling the root and gnawing on a piece…although I haven’t done that myself. Ginger’s pretty strong stuff. What I do is I usually juice a small piece of ginger with some carrots and apples for a really zinging morning juice. It tastes really, really good. Or you can pop a piece into your blender with other veggies and maybe some fruit for a green smoothie or a soup to give it a bit of a zing. It also helps you use less salt because it’s got a really strong flavor. Other people prefer to slice a few pieces into some very hot water and let it steep for a while with a slice or two of lemon to make ginger tea. And you can also grate ginger into soups, curries and other savory dishes. Or even just chop it finely and use it in stir-frys. I’ll link in the show notes to some recipes that I’ve got in my 5-Minute Mains recipe ebook that use ginger too, such as my Green Thai Curry. One thing for sure that I definitely recommend is that you use fresh ginger root wherever possible, rather than powdered ginger or capsules. I say that because the fresh vegetable is so easy to use and it’s always best I think to have the actual vegetable rather than some dried out version in a plastic capsule. But then again if capsules are all you have access to, better that than no ginger! If you do try something new with ginger, or something else that you feel can help with travel sickness, definitely share in the comments because I want to know! Have YOU got a story to share? Which brings us to the end of this week’s story – and if you’ve got a true story to share (and you’d like to know what food could have saved the day in your situation), I’d love to hear from you! Got a question, or a comment? Got a question, or a comment? Pop a note below in the comments, that would be awesome. You can also subscribe to the podcast to listen ‘on the go’ in iTunes. I hope you have an amazing day. Thank you so much for being here with me to share in my Clean Food, Dirty Stories. Bye for now! RESOURCES Link to 5-Minute Mains and other recipe ebooks: Article with nutritional information on ginger as well as links to scientific studies: Article with general tips to help with travel sickness: Corrina Gordon-Barnes is a Relationship Coach who’s committed to a world of happy couples and happy families. She teaches her clients how to be really good at relationships – how to love full-heartedly, let go of resentments, forgive, accept and live from power not victimhood. She lives in Cambridge, England with her wife, Sam.You can find Corrina at her website, on Twitter, Facebook and YouTube. Source link

[alexha2210]

Corrina Gordon-Barnes’ journey from dating guys to finding a wife…thanks to travel sickness! And of course the best food to help with travel sickness (in case you’ve already found your partner…) In addition to this story, at the end of this episode I’ll share with you the best food for travel sickness (in case you’ve already found your wife or partner). OK enough hints from me, let’s get on with the story. Our guest, Corrina Gordon-Barnes I am super excited to be joined here today for our story by Corrina Gordon-Barnes. Corrina is a Relationship Coach who’s committed to a world of happy couples and happy families. She teaches her clients how to be really good at relationships. So Corrina, welcome to the Clean Food, Dirty Stories podcast! I’m really excited to have you here today! Corrina: Thank you so much for inviting me to connect with you. Me: Oh well you’re so welcome! I love your story and I really can’t wait for us to share it with everybody. Corrina’s story, starting with being boy mad Me: Without further ado, the first question I wanted to ask you…and I’ve said a little bit about what you do now, but when you were small, or younger, how did you see your dream relationship one day? Did you have princess dreams or did you have a particular type of partner in mind before you actually met your life partner? Corrina: Well, I was boy mad. Me: Boy mad! Corrina: Boy mad, like going through my primary school years, I remember that I was the one in my class who learned about sex really early. I was the one who would get all these teenage magazines, even as a late primary school age kid, and I would be teaching my friends at school. “You can get pregnant the first time you have sex” and “be careful with your boyfriend”. Me: Oh my god! A relationship expert…in primary school Corrina: I was like this relationship expert, even at that age I was teaching my friends. Like “these are all the myths, don’t do this, do this” and so I was kind of boy mad, I was relationship mad. Getting into my teens I remember with my friends we would literally kind of go out prowling the streets. We would walk along the high street in my town where I lived and we would be looking for boys and we would be kind of flirting and coy. There was always some boy that I had my eye on. Always some guy who had my attention, I would try and make sure I was in the same place as him so that he would see me… Me: Sounds familiar, yeah. So I was definitely, I definitely wanted boys. That was very clear to me. Me: And you got engaged to a boy at one stage, right? Corrina: Yeah, so I had one really long term relationship before I met who is now my partner, and we got engaged at age 17. Me: Wow! We were gonna get married and we were gonna have all these babies and we were gonna live in this particular kind of house and have this life… That was the path that I thought I was on at that age. Me: So then what happened to take you off that path? The path to self-discovery Corrina: Well that relationship was not the right one, and so that ended 4 years later and I stayed then single for quite a while. You know, I was really wanting to find myself. So I went on this whole spiritual, personal growth journey. I read every book I could get, I did meditation, I went vegan… It had this whole kind of personal growth change in my life. Me: What do you think prompted that? Was it the end of that relationship that prompted that? I mean, what were your thoughts? Were you just like ‘Oh I think I need to take care of myself more’ or become a different person, or…? Corrina: I was in Australia and I was just there travelling for a year. And I met this guy – surprisingly enough – in a cafe. He just said “Hey I go to this meditation course down the road, why don’t you come along”. And so I went and that very first moment, that very first time in the room with that meditation teacher, she told me that I was a spiritual being. She said to me – to the whole group but I really heard this – “You are a spirit soul having this human experience, but you are a spiritual being”. It was like someone had just told me who I was. Like “oh my gosh, that’s who I am, this human life is how I get to journey and explore and have an adventure, but I’m a spiritual being”. The layers (or the clothes) fall away Me: So did you have that as like an inner knowing, or how did you experience it? Because people experience those things in different ways, right? Some people experience a physical sensation of light, other people experience it as just an inner sense of knowing… Corrina: It was like all my clothes fell off. Me: (laughs) Um…I haven’t heard that one before! Corrina: It was like this casing, this casing just fell off. I literally woke up the next morning and I was vegan, I went from a complete meat eater to being vegan overnight just like that. And I was just on this journey then to just explore and discover myself and get back to the essential nature of my being. It was like everything that wasn’t true about me just kind of fell away over the coming months. Me: Wow. That’s very cool! Corrina: Yeah, it was pretty cool, I felt much lighter, it was like clothes coming off. I was just light, I was much, much lighter, much more energized, much freer, much more joyful. Me: It’s interesting that you say that for you, all your clothes coming off, like some people might associate that with being exposed, right? Being vulnerable. And for you, you associate that with being light. So that’s really interesting. Corrina: And just free. I remember in Australia, those kind of days, weeks after that moment. It was like I was floating along the streets. I was so free, I was feeling so connected with people, like I had just woken up. On to Cambridge University…and a fated bus trip Me: Yeah. Wow! And so how did you get from there to Cambridge University? Corrina: Yeah, so I decided that I wanted to do teacher training so I came to Cambridge University and signed up for the English and Drama teacher training course here. And on that very first day in class, they sat me next to this woman called Sam. There was something about her that just immediately kind of, like something just…a light bulb went off or something just happened. It was like ‘Huh, she’s just come on my radar really strongly, why am I paying attention to her so much?’ So she was really in my awareness and we were both in the same school together so we were both placed to do our teacher practice in the same school. And on the first day of teaching practice, I got onto the bus that would take us to our practice school and I got on and she was sitting in the front seat. Now I always need to sit in the front seat in a bus because I get travel sick. So I just went over to her…I’d already clocked her as someone who was on my radar, and I just said “Oh, are you OK if I join you in the front seat?” And she said “Yeah sure, I have to sit here because I get travel sick” and I said “Oh me too!” So we sat side by side and over the months to come we became best friends. Just absolutely clicked, became best friends, incredible support through the whole teaching practice. A brave declaration Me: And was there any like physical attraction at that stage? Or did that come later? Corrina: Immediately! Immediately, I was like ‘Huh! What is this woman doing to me, what is this, what is happening here? I just feel energized around her, she lights me up, I feel excited, I feel like the world is just kind of shinier…’ Me: Wow! Corrina: Everything just felt brighter and more energized. Me: It sounds like a good, a good…I don’t know, I mean, I’ve never like taken acid or anything but (laughs) it sounds like, you know, a positive drug experience without the drugs, right? Corrina: (laughs) Totally! Totally, a kind of ‘switch-on, turn-on, I’m awake, I’m alive, oh my gosh, who are you’ kind of thing. Me: Was it the same for her as well? Corrina: Well what was so funny was that over the months that then came, was that I basically told her (laughs). I just said “Basically I’ve realized that I’m just completely in love with you. Do you feel that too?” Me: Wow! That was so brave of you cause you were friends at that stage, right? Like best friends, you don’t want to wreck your relationship with your best friend by taking the risk but you did! Corrina: I just did! And that’s kind of, you know, the kind of continuity of the whole spiritual journey for me of just like I’m free. You know, I’m free. If I feel this thing, I have to follow my heart. I have to just blurt out like “I’m in love with you, I don’t know if you feel the same way”. And to start out with, it wasn’t something that she let herself feel straight away. Determined and keeping faith Me: So what did she say when you said this? When you blurted this out? Corrina: She said “You know, I feel really connected with you, I love you a lot as a friend, but it’s not romantic for me”. Me: And how did that make you feel? Corrina: Oh, heartbroken. Absolutely heartbroken. But also there was something… it was almost like inside I was going ‘You just wait!’ (laughs) ‘You just wait. I know that you’re the one for me, I’ll just be patient, I’ll just hang on’. Me: Oh wow! Other people though could have had quite a different reaction, right? I mean some people might have, I imagine anyway, some people might have just, you know, stayed in the heartbroken phase and then just walked away, right? And lost it. Corrina: No, I believed, I really had faith that this… There was a reason I was feeling this way, I couldn’t ignore it, I couldn’t shake it, I just kept believing in it and stayed consistently just loving her and being a good friend in the months where… You know, it took 3 months basically of us staying friends and me just loving her, and loving her, and loving her. And then just after Christmas we got together as a couple. And just before Christmas… Me: And what happened? So how did that happen? Like you’re friends, it’s been like you know 3 months, she knows how you feel, did she just all of a sudden like make a move? Or did she say something to you? Corrina: Well, I made the move. Again. Me: (laughs) Oh my god! So it’s like ‘OK I’ve already been kind of rejected once, let me have another go’. Right? Corrina: Exactly! (laughs) Or a few gos! So there was that initial conversation and then there was another conversation where I basically said – this was just before Christmas – I basically said “Are you sure?” Me: Oh my god! Corrina: “I still feel this thing…” and she again was like “No really, we’re just friends”. So that was the second time and then third time lucky! I just made a move and I thought ‘You know what? I’m just gonna take a risk again, I’m just gonna be bold. What’s the worst that can happen? Rejection, right? What’s the best that can happen? I can be with the love of my life’. Me: Oh my god – yeah but that was still just so…Right, OK. That was still just so brave. Once is already like super brave, right? Braver than most people. Twice is like oh my god, you know, three times you start to think OK, hmmm… Corrina: Yeah, and it worked! (laughs) Third time lucky and it was just after Christmas and that was now 13 years ago – 14 years ago. What was she thinking? Me: And so what did she, like…You made the move and what did she then say? Was she like ‘oh I didn’t know until you touched me’ or was she like ‘oh I realized it at the same time as you’ or was she… Corrina: I think it was less of a thought thing. It was just, you know, when it happened then it just felt right. Like ‘oh this is where I was meant to be, OK, got it’. Me: And that’s what she felt too? Was that how she verbalised it to you? Corrina: Well and to give her credit here, so she’s gay and I’m bi, right? So for a gay woman, if a bisexual woman says ‘I’m in love with you’, there’s gonna be a sense of ‘hmm, OK maybe you’re just trying this out, maybe actually this is just a kind of short-term thing for you and really you’re gonna want to be with guys’ Me: Yeah, I’ve heard that, yeah. Proving her love Corrina: So it’s a real credit for her that for those months she was, you know, guarding her heart for that, because you don’t know what’s gonna happen, if that person declaring their love for you is gonna be constant. So I had to kind of prove that actually I meant it. When I said I loved her, I meant it and I was gonna be in it for the long haul. Me: So do you think that a part of her was not testing you, but kind of like unconsciously perhaps waiting? You know? Corrina: Yeah. Me: Oh OK, that makes a lot more sense. Cause in my mind I was imagining somebody who, you know, was neither gay nor bi and who maybe had, I don’t know, only gone out with guys or something and so then for somebody like that it would be much more of a 180, right? Corrina: Yeah, no she’s gay through and through. Me: Well, fortunately for you as it turns out, right? (laughs) The human being behind the coverings Corrina: Well that’s the thing for me as a bisexual woman. For me it’s not about the fact that I like men and women, it’s the fact that I like people and the gender is just irrelevant. And that’s kind of part of what happened in that spiritual awakening moment in Australia. It was like all of the coverings, you know, whether it’s our bodies or our personalities or any of that is kind of what covers the essence of us. And actually for me the essence of someone doesn’t have a gender. So I fell in love with her like I might have thought or indeed fell in love with guys in the past because I just fall in love with the person, you know, that essence of the human beings behind all the trappings. Me: That’s amazing because I feel the same way. It’s kind of weird how that works, right? It’s kind of like yeah, you feel the essence of the person. Seeing into the soul I mean I even had one guy say to me – this was like in a totally different context and we did not get together in the end but I do remember him saying to me at one point, I mean he wasn’t the right person for me but he was kind of freaked out at one stage. Because he was like “It’s like you want my soul!” and I was saying “It’s not that I want your soul, it’s that I see it!” I believe that I see it, right? And I think that you know, some people… I mean, credit to Sam as well because she’s obviously a really strong person too in that, you know, some people would be freaked out by that, right? Some people would be like ‘oh well…it’s the real me here that’s being…I don’t know if I want to say exposed but seen, right? Some people…we use those trappings to cover stuff up, right? As we all know, so…That brings a level of intimacy that’s probably quite cool I would imagine, right? Corrina: Yeah, and you know, don’t get me wrong, I love that she’s a woman as well. I love her long hair and her soft skin and her blue eyes, all the things that make her a woman as well I love. So it’s not like I don’t see those things, but that was never gonna be a filter, like I would only go for… The spectrum of sexuality Me: Yeah. I mean it’s really interesting because I…for me, I’m sure, I would imagine perhaps for you as well, I see the whole homosexual/heterosexual thing as this big spectrum and I have a really good friend who…Well I do playback theater and one of my friends, she’s in a playback theater troupe where they’re all either bi or gay or whatever, and then we did a workshop at one point. They were inviting guest playbackers to go. And one of the exercises they did that was…I just thought it was really cool. They said ‘put yourself…if stage left is like totally 100 percent gay and stage right is totally 100 percent heterosexual, put yourself on the spectrum, place yourself physically where you think you are’. It was really cool to see people, you know, all along the stage, all at different points. I just thought that was very normal, right? Because we’re all…for me, anyway, in my mind we’re all spiritual beings and so as you say, there’s no gender there, right? Corrina: And for some people there are. You know, that’s the thing, people who are that kind of 100 percent on the spectrum, brilliant, they’re really clear that they only want people of the opposite or the same sex. Yes, spectrum is beautiful. What Corrina does now Me: Yeah, wow! So now I really want to know more then about how… (laughs)…how you went from, well, what you do now to help people with their relationships. Because obviously you have a lot more knowledge than when you were in primary school and I know you’re helping people with a lot more than how to not get unwanted pregnancies and things! (laughs) Corrina: (laughs) Absolutely! Me: So what do you do now with people and how do you help them have these beautiful, deep relationships? Corrina: Yeah, and my work is around all relationships that are important. So it’s…my clients, some of them it’s really about their partner relationship but for others it’s about their relationship with their mom or their daughter or their brother. For me, connection…it’s a kind of cliche but connection is what we’re hard wired for. We as human beings love to connect, we love to love people with our full hearts. But there are so many things that stop that from happening within us. We get resentful, we get frustrated, we get disappointed, we feel let down, we feel indignant, all of this. And I over the course of my own personal journey have found a very, very miraculous way of dealing with all those blocks. So it’s the process of questioning your thoughts, questioning your stories, that block connection. An example of our made-up stories So let’s say I’m with Sam and let’s say she’s saying something that sounds critical. My story in my head goes, ‘she’s criticizing me, she doesn’t love me, she’s being mean to me’. You know, ‘I want her to be kind, I want her not to point out my flaws’, all of that. That is all story. It’s all mental. It’s all… Me: Yes! It’s all made up. Corrina: It’s all made up! And we don’t realize it, we think, ‘no but this is true, she’s criticizing me, this is what’s happening’. And so what I am so blessed to have come into contact with a number of years ago is the process of questioning those thoughts. Just sitting with those thoughts and asking them, ‘Is this true? Is this accurate, is this the correct interpretation of what’s going on?’ Not just is it true that that’s what’s going on, but is it true that I would be better off if it were happening differently? Me: OK… Corrina: Like am I sure? So let’s say your loved one is truly critizing you. They’re saying to you “you’re a stupid, ugly, whatever, whatever”. Can I be sure that my happiness depends on them not saying that? Can I be sure that I can only feel good about myself and peaceful if they stop doing that? Because it sets up a very limited version of life if I’m always waiting for someone else to give me something, to give me what I think I need in order to be peaceful and happy. It’s like I delay my peace and my happiness until other people and other circumstances arrange themselves in just the right way. Our rules…and our scripts Me: Yeah, it’s like our rules, right? Where we all have these rules about what has to happen for us to be happy and the more…the easier it is to be happy, then the happier we are, right? Corrina: Exactly, exactly. I talk about our scripts. It’s like, I realized pretty early on with Sam that I had a script, that if she followed this script and she said and she did exactly what I, you know, expected her to do then I would feel happy, but if she went off script then I wouldn’t be happy, I’d be pissed off. She really helped me see this, she said to me one day “Why don’t you just give me your fucking script Corrina! Give me your script, tell me what I need to do”. And I was like “How dare you! This is just what you’re meant to do, you’re my wife, this is how you’re meant to treat me”. Then it kind of dawned on me a few days later, like ‘oh my gosh, my script is the source of all of my unhappiness. Every moment that I want her to be doing something other than what’s reality, I am causing my own unhappiness’. Corrina’s ‘big work’ Me: Right. So then your relationship was, I guess, far from…I don’t want to say far from idyllic, but you had to work through some of this stuff in your relationship with Sam? Corrina: One hundred percent. I wouldn’t be doing this work if I hadn’t had to…if this hadn’t been my big work. You know, so yes like I was completely besotted with her in the beginning, and we got together and it was blissful, and then all my stories started to kick in. ‘Hmmm, well she’s not this’ and ‘hmmm, she said that and that’s not OK’ and ‘would I be better off with someone who did this’ and you know, all those stories eroded what I had imagined would be this perfect relationship. So it’s like I had to work on that, I had to take those stories and stop those stories from sabotaging this beautiful relationship that we had underneath all those stories. Me: Yeah. It’s good that you managed to do that, thank goodness, right? Corrina: I mean, it saved my marriage. It saved my relationship. A daily practice Me: And did it take a long time? Corrina: Yeah, it’s a daily practice. It really is a daily practice, it’s like if you want to be fit, like you’ve done today (laughs), you go to the gym, you go for a run, you do your yoga. You don’t just be like ‘oh I’ll do it one time and then it’s done’. If you want a healthy, thriving, fit relationship with anybody, whether it’s your son or your dad or your sister, there’s daily practice to do. There’s daily work to do every time you get triggered, every time something gets in the way of you being totally, wholeheartedly connected with the human being in front of you, you’ve got something to look at there. Me: Yeah, but at least you can…I mean, what am I trying to say, there comes a time when you catch yourself, right? At least, you know, having done a certain amount of work, then you can get to the point where you see what’s happening, right? As an observer almost and you can go ‘OK hang on, I’m doing this again, this is my script’. Whereas at the beginning, you know, when people aren’t even aware of their scripts, I imagine it takes them a little bit… well it depends on the person I guess, right? How much time it would take them to start to see and to start to implement I guess the tools that you give them, right? Corrina: Absolutely, yes, you’re completely spot on. When you get triggered And you know, now I’m at the point where I get triggered and it could be like anything, right? It could be I’m on Facebook and I see a message from someone and I feel like ‘oh they should have, you know, complimented me rather than give me negative feedback on something’. Right? Instantly, ‘oh! OK, there’s a trigger! A button’s gotten pushed’. And now I’m at the point where I’m like ‘Oooh, good, what’s here for me?’ Me: I do the same thing, that’s really funny! Yeah, I had something that happened the other day that made me so angry and then I’m like ‘OK if this is making me this angry and, you know, the other 30 people in the room are not angry, they actually think it’s quite cute…’ (laughs) We all get triggered, even by 8-year old authors I’ll tell you what it was, it was quite funny. I was at this day workshop with an amazing speaker and there was this little girl, she’s like 8 years old and she’s written a book. Actually she’s written 3 books, right? Corrina: Wow! Me: And it made me so annoyed! And I just thought…you know, not only envious, obviously envious, you know, 3 books at age 8, but also annoyed because, you know, her mom was there and I knew what it was. It brought up all the old scripts of, you know, stage mothers because I did theater before and so I had a good friend who had a stage mother who was just absolutely unbearable whereas, you know, my mom was the opposite. So I see what you mean, you get these reactions, right, that are completely irrational because the people around me were applauding her and they were like ‘oh isn’t that wonderful’ and I was like inside going ‘this is making me so angry!’ But we all get triggered, don’t we, right? Examples of tiny triggers Corrina: Oh, everyone. And it could be like the tiniest thing, that’s what I always find fascinating. It could be just one line in an email. Or it could be just the way that your partner, you know, turns over in their sleep, just the tiniest little things. Often my clients say to me “Oh, you know, I can’t bring this to you today, it’s just so small” and I’m like “No, no, that’s exactly what to bring!”. The fact that he put tofu in the stir fry rather than kidney beans, you know. There was something, there was some offense against you. So there you are with that 8 year old girl, that offense that she’s committing against you in that moment that’s kind of violating something is like, you know, ‘she’s further ahead than me’ or ‘she’s achieved one of my life goals’ or, you know… Me: Yeah, and she’s 8 and I’m 55! Corrina: And she’s 8! It’s just to be so compassionate with ourselves that ‘oh look, there’s this part of me that feels in some way threatened or violated or hurt by this, let me just so lovingly look there and heal that part of myself’. Being compassionate with yourself Me: Ah, yeah, that’s a really key point there that you brought up so I just wanted to emphasize it, yeah. That being compassionate with that part of ourselves, right? Rather than being like, OK, you know, with that kind of…what’s the word, forced smile on our faces, going ‘Ah, another beautiful part of me to transform’, you know (laughs), right? Right? And we can be quite hard on ourselves with that, right, and be like ‘OK what’s at the bottom of this!’ and take a kind of like pickaxe to it. At least that’s what I would do or could do rather than choosing to as you say, acknowledge with love that part of ourselves and treat it as part of, you know, part of the inner child or whatever you want to call it, that needs love and compassion. That’s a really interesting point that we don’t want to forget. Wow! That’s very cool. How to work with Corrina So when you work with people, I would love to hear just a bit more about what the different ways are that you…Do people come to see you in an office, or do you do things online, or how does that work? Corrina: Yes, so right now it’s one to one. There’s a potential of me offering something else in the kind of group workshop, retreat way, but not for now. What I do is I do free videos, everyone can just watch a free video every week, all about relationship hotspots and how to move past them, and then if people feel inspired and really like they’re wanting that support, they can have the one to one coaching. And for now that is by Skype or by phone, and I’m just starting to also offer that in person as well for people who I’m unable to physically meet with. Me: Yeah. That’s really fantastic, well thank you so much. What I’ll do is, I’ll link to everything that you do in the show notes but where’s the best place for people to look online to find out more about what you’re doing and more about you and to get access to the videos and things? An online video library…and a 7 Day Relationship Challenge Corrina: Yeah, so if they go to corrinagordonbarnes.com, I’ll just spell that out, and if you go to the blog page that’s where I’ve got all the videos and articles that have happened so far. So that’s a really good place just to go, it’s like settling into a library of relationship wisdom and gems, just settling in and watching some of the videos and just seeing if the approach makes sense to you. The right people for this work are people who watch a video and go ‘oh my gosh, that makes so much sense!’ And they apply that tip that I’m sharing and they come back and they say “Wow I had this incredible experience with my mom! Because I did the thing that you…” I do like challenges in the video so they’re like “I did the challenge that you set and I had a completely different experience with my mom this week, thank you!” Me: That’s brilliant! Corrina: It’s so good, it’s so satisfying. So on the blog page that’s where people can look at all the videos so far. And on the homepage people can sign up for the free 7 Day Relationship Challenge. 7 days to feel more connected Me: That sounds intriguing for sure! Corrina: Yes! It’s 7 days to feel more connected, that’s the overarching focus. How can you feel more connected? That beautiful feeling of just wholehearted connection with the person in front of you, and I give a number of challenges that you can actually implement to help you feel that way. Me: That is really fantastic! Well, I mean yeah, because as you say, we’re all starving for connection and I mean, we could do a whole episode just about the different ways people connect, right? Through food and smoking and alcohol, and, you know, apart from people, right? Corrina: Facebook! Me: Facebook! There’s so many…it’s a massive, massive topic but…so I wish we had more time! But thank you so much for being here to share your story, because I love your story and I love your journey and I really, really love what you’re doing right now, so I’m really grateful that you took the time to share that with us, so thank you so much! Corrina: You’re very welcome, thank you so much! A food to help with travel sickness So now I mentioned at the beginning of this episode that I’d share with you one of the best foods you can eat for help with travel sickness. And I think it will come as no surprise for most of you anyway to hear that that food is…ginger! Ginger has so many benefits it’s ridiculous. Not only can it help with travel sickness, but it’s also beneficial for other causes of nausea, like morning sickness, and it can help with pain relief as well. Why ginger is so helpful So this powerful little root contains loads of antioxidant and antiinflammatory compounds, including curcumin and capsaicin which are also found in turmeric which is another superfood. They’re part of the same plant family, turmeric, ginger and cardamom. Ginger also contains a ton of vitamins and minerals, including calcium, potassium, magnesium, phosphorus, niacin, iron, zinc and folate. A big list, right? And ginger is a great way to warm us up, because it’s a diaphoretic (that was my new word for today), which means that it heats the body from the inside out. So if you live in a cold climate for example, ginger can literally help warm you up inside. It also helps promote sweating, which is why it’s so good to have ginger tea if you’ve got a cold and you need to sweat out some toxins. Ginger even helps with pain relief But did you know that ginger can also help with pain relief? Two examples are exercise-induced muscle pain (so if you work out, eat some ginger), as well as menstrual cramps. So the next time you’re feeling crampy (I don’t know if that’s a word but I’ve just decided it is!), make yourself some strong ginger tea and see how you feel. Ginger can also help reduce inflammation, so scientists are looking to see if it can help with cancer, and particularly colon cancer. Ginger also is showing promise for helping treat that as well as inflammation caused by osteoarthritis. I’ll link to an article in the show notes that has more information about ginger’s many properties and benefits, it also includes links to the actual research in case you’d like to know more about that. And in addition I’ll link to an article that has some overall tips for avoiding travel sickness, including using ginger. So how do you eat ginger? If you need help with travel sickness and you want instant relief, well, you can definitely try peeling the root and gnawing on a piece…although I haven’t done that myself. Ginger’s pretty strong stuff. What I do is I usually juice a small piece of ginger with some carrots and apples for a really zinging morning juice. It tastes really, really good. Or you can pop a piece into your blender with other veggies and maybe some fruit for a green smoothie or a soup to give it a bit of a zing. It also helps you use less salt because it’s got a really strong flavor. Other people prefer to slice a few pieces into some very hot water and let it steep for a while with a slice or two of lemon to make ginger tea. And you can also grate ginger into soups, curries and other savory dishes. Or even just chop it finely and use it in stir-frys. I’ll link in the show notes to some recipes that I’ve got in my 5-Minute Mains recipe ebook that use ginger too, such as my Green Thai Curry. One thing for sure that I definitely recommend is that you use fresh ginger root wherever possible, rather than powdered ginger or capsules. I say that because the fresh vegetable is so easy to use and it’s always best I think to have the actual vegetable rather than some dried out version in a plastic capsule. But then again if capsules are all you have access to, better that than no ginger! If you do try something new with ginger, or something else that you feel can help with travel sickness, definitely share in the comments because I want to know! Have YOU got a story to share? Which brings us to the end of this week’s story – and if you’ve got a true story to share (and you’d like to know what food could have saved the day in your situation), I’d love to hear from you! Got a question, or a comment? Got a question, or a comment? Pop a note below in the comments, that would be awesome. You can also subscribe to the podcast to listen ‘on the go’ in iTunes. I hope you have an amazing day. Thank you so much for being here with me to share in my Clean Food, Dirty Stories. Bye for now! RESOURCES Link to 5-Minute Mains and other recipe ebooks: Article with nutritional information on ginger as well as links to scientific studies: Article with general tips to help with travel sickness: Corrina Gordon-Barnes is a Relationship Coach who’s committed to a world of happy couples and happy families. She teaches her clients how to be really good at relationships – how to love full-heartedly, let go of resentments, forgive, accept and live from power not victimhood. She lives in Cambridge, England with her wife, Sam.You can find Corrina at her website, on Twitter, Facebook and YouTube. Source link

[angusstory]

Corrina Gordon-Barnes’ journey from dating guys to finding a wife…thanks to travel sickness! And of course the best food to help with travel sickness (in case you’ve already found your partner…) In addition to this story, at the end of this episode I’ll share with you the best food for travel sickness (in case you’ve already found your wife or partner). OK enough hints from me, let’s get on with the story. Our guest, Corrina Gordon-Barnes I am super excited to be joined here today for our story by Corrina Gordon-Barnes. Corrina is a Relationship Coach who’s committed to a world of happy couples and happy families. She teaches her clients how to be really good at relationships. So Corrina, welcome to the Clean Food, Dirty Stories podcast! I’m really excited to have you here today! Corrina: Thank you so much for inviting me to connect with you. Me: Oh well you’re so welcome! I love your story and I really can’t wait for us to share it with everybody. Corrina’s story, starting with being boy mad Me: Without further ado, the first question I wanted to ask you…and I’ve said a little bit about what you do now, but when you were small, or younger, how did you see your dream relationship one day? Did you have princess dreams or did you have a particular type of partner in mind before you actually met your life partner? Corrina: Well, I was boy mad. Me: Boy mad! Corrina: Boy mad, like going through my primary school years, I remember that I was the one in my class who learned about sex really early. I was the one who would get all these teenage magazines, even as a late primary school age kid, and I would be teaching my friends at school. “You can get pregnant the first time you have sex” and “be careful with your boyfriend”. Me: Oh my god! A relationship expert…in primary school Corrina: I was like this relationship expert, even at that age I was teaching my friends. Like “these are all the myths, don’t do this, do this” and so I was kind of boy mad, I was relationship mad. Getting into my teens I remember with my friends we would literally kind of go out prowling the streets. We would walk along the high street in my town where I lived and we would be looking for boys and we would be kind of flirting and coy. There was always some boy that I had my eye on. Always some guy who had my attention, I would try and make sure I was in the same place as him so that he would see me… Me: Sounds familiar, yeah. So I was definitely, I definitely wanted boys. That was very clear to me. Me: And you got engaged to a boy at one stage, right? Corrina: Yeah, so I had one really long term relationship before I met who is now my partner, and we got engaged at age 17. Me: Wow! We were gonna get married and we were gonna have all these babies and we were gonna live in this particular kind of house and have this life… That was the path that I thought I was on at that age. Me: So then what happened to take you off that path? The path to self-discovery Corrina: Well that relationship was not the right one, and so that ended 4 years later and I stayed then single for quite a while. You know, I was really wanting to find myself. So I went on this whole spiritual, personal growth journey. I read every book I could get, I did meditation, I went vegan… It had this whole kind of personal growth change in my life. Me: What do you think prompted that? Was it the end of that relationship that prompted that? I mean, what were your thoughts? Were you just like ‘Oh I think I need to take care of myself more’ or become a different person, or…? Corrina: I was in Australia and I was just there travelling for a year. And I met this guy – surprisingly enough – in a cafe. He just said “Hey I go to this meditation course down the road, why don’t you come along”. And so I went and that very first moment, that very first time in the room with that meditation teacher, she told me that I was a spiritual being. She said to me – to the whole group but I really heard this – “You are a spirit soul having this human experience, but you are a spiritual being”. It was like someone had just told me who I was. Like “oh my gosh, that’s who I am, this human life is how I get to journey and explore and have an adventure, but I’m a spiritual being”. The layers (or the clothes) fall away Me: So did you have that as like an inner knowing, or how did you experience it? Because people experience those things in different ways, right? Some people experience a physical sensation of light, other people experience it as just an inner sense of knowing… Corrina: It was like all my clothes fell off. Me: (laughs) Um…I haven’t heard that one before! Corrina: It was like this casing, this casing just fell off. I literally woke up the next morning and I was vegan, I went from a complete meat eater to being vegan overnight just like that. And I was just on this journey then to just explore and discover myself and get back to the essential nature of my being. It was like everything that wasn’t true about me just kind of fell away over the coming months. Me: Wow. That’s very cool! Corrina: Yeah, it was pretty cool, I felt much lighter, it was like clothes coming off. I was just light, I was much, much lighter, much more energized, much freer, much more joyful. Me: It’s interesting that you say that for you, all your clothes coming off, like some people might associate that with being exposed, right? Being vulnerable. And for you, you associate that with being light. So that’s really interesting. Corrina: And just free. I remember in Australia, those kind of days, weeks after that moment. It was like I was floating along the streets. I was so free, I was feeling so connected with people, like I had just woken up. On to Cambridge University…and a fated bus trip Me: Yeah. Wow! And so how did you get from there to Cambridge University? Corrina: Yeah, so I decided that I wanted to do teacher training so I came to Cambridge University and signed up for the English and Drama teacher training course here. And on that very first day in class, they sat me next to this woman called Sam. There was something about her that just immediately kind of, like something just…a light bulb went off or something just happened. It was like ‘Huh, she’s just come on my radar really strongly, why am I paying attention to her so much?’ So she was really in my awareness and we were both in the same school together so we were both placed to do our teacher practice in the same school. And on the first day of teaching practice, I got onto the bus that would take us to our practice school and I got on and she was sitting in the front seat. Now I always need to sit in the front seat in a bus because I get travel sick. So I just went over to her…I’d already clocked her as someone who was on my radar, and I just said “Oh, are you OK if I join you in the front seat?” And she said “Yeah sure, I have to sit here because I get travel sick” and I said “Oh me too!” So we sat side by side and over the months to come we became best friends. Just absolutely clicked, became best friends, incredible support through the whole teaching practice. A brave declaration Me: And was there any like physical attraction at that stage? Or did that come later? Corrina: Immediately! Immediately, I was like ‘Huh! What is this woman doing to me, what is this, what is happening here? I just feel energized around her, she lights me up, I feel excited, I feel like the world is just kind of shinier…’ Me: Wow! Corrina: Everything just felt brighter and more energized. Me: It sounds like a good, a good…I don’t know, I mean, I’ve never like taken acid or anything but (laughs) it sounds like, you know, a positive drug experience without the drugs, right? Corrina: (laughs) Totally! Totally, a kind of ‘switch-on, turn-on, I’m awake, I’m alive, oh my gosh, who are you’ kind of thing. Me: Was it the same for her as well? Corrina: Well what was so funny was that over the months that then came, was that I basically told her (laughs). I just said “Basically I’ve realized that I’m just completely in love with you. Do you feel that too?” Me: Wow! That was so brave of you cause you were friends at that stage, right? Like best friends, you don’t want to wreck your relationship with your best friend by taking the risk but you did! Corrina: I just did! And that’s kind of, you know, the kind of continuity of the whole spiritual journey for me of just like I’m free. You know, I’m free. If I feel this thing, I have to follow my heart. I have to just blurt out like “I’m in love with you, I don’t know if you feel the same way”. And to start out with, it wasn’t something that she let herself feel straight away. Determined and keeping faith Me: So what did she say when you said this? When you blurted this out? Corrina: She said “You know, I feel really connected with you, I love you a lot as a friend, but it’s not romantic for me”. Me: And how did that make you feel? Corrina: Oh, heartbroken. Absolutely heartbroken. But also there was something… it was almost like inside I was going ‘You just wait!’ (laughs) ‘You just wait. I know that you’re the one for me, I’ll just be patient, I’ll just hang on’. Me: Oh wow! Other people though could have had quite a different reaction, right? I mean some people might have, I imagine anyway, some people might have just, you know, stayed in the heartbroken phase and then just walked away, right? And lost it. Corrina: No, I believed, I really had faith that this… There was a reason I was feeling this way, I couldn’t ignore it, I couldn’t shake it, I just kept believing in it and stayed consistently just loving her and being a good friend in the months where… You know, it took 3 months basically of us staying friends and me just loving her, and loving her, and loving her. And then just after Christmas we got together as a couple. And just before Christmas… Me: And what happened? So how did that happen? Like you’re friends, it’s been like you know 3 months, she knows how you feel, did she just all of a sudden like make a move? Or did she say something to you? Corrina: Well, I made the move. Again. Me: (laughs) Oh my god! So it’s like ‘OK I’ve already been kind of rejected once, let me have another go’. Right? Corrina: Exactly! (laughs) Or a few gos! So there was that initial conversation and then there was another conversation where I basically said – this was just before Christmas – I basically said “Are you sure?” Me: Oh my god! Corrina: “I still feel this thing…” and she again was like “No really, we’re just friends”. So that was the second time and then third time lucky! I just made a move and I thought ‘You know what? I’m just gonna take a risk again, I’m just gonna be bold. What’s the worst that can happen? Rejection, right? What’s the best that can happen? I can be with the love of my life’. Me: Oh my god – yeah but that was still just so…Right, OK. That was still just so brave. Once is already like super brave, right? Braver than most people. Twice is like oh my god, you know, three times you start to think OK, hmmm… Corrina: Yeah, and it worked! (laughs) Third time lucky and it was just after Christmas and that was now 13 years ago – 14 years ago. What was she thinking? Me: And so what did she, like…You made the move and what did she then say? Was she like ‘oh I didn’t know until you touched me’ or was she like ‘oh I realized it at the same time as you’ or was she… Corrina: I think it was less of a thought thing. It was just, you know, when it happened then it just felt right. Like ‘oh this is where I was meant to be, OK, got it’. Me: And that’s what she felt too? Was that how she verbalised it to you? Corrina: Well and to give her credit here, so she’s gay and I’m bi, right? So for a gay woman, if a bisexual woman says ‘I’m in love with you’, there’s gonna be a sense of ‘hmm, OK maybe you’re just trying this out, maybe actually this is just a kind of short-term thing for you and really you’re gonna want to be with guys’ Me: Yeah, I’ve heard that, yeah. Proving her love Corrina: So it’s a real credit for her that for those months she was, you know, guarding her heart for that, because you don’t know what’s gonna happen, if that person declaring their love for you is gonna be constant. So I had to kind of prove that actually I meant it. When I said I loved her, I meant it and I was gonna be in it for the long haul. Me: So do you think that a part of her was not testing you, but kind of like unconsciously perhaps waiting? You know? Corrina: Yeah. Me: Oh OK, that makes a lot more sense. Cause in my mind I was imagining somebody who, you know, was neither gay nor bi and who maybe had, I don’t know, only gone out with guys or something and so then for somebody like that it would be much more of a 180, right? Corrina: Yeah, no she’s gay through and through. Me: Well, fortunately for you as it turns out, right? (laughs) The human being behind the coverings Corrina: Well that’s the thing for me as a bisexual woman. For me it’s not about the fact that I like men and women, it’s the fact that I like people and the gender is just irrelevant. And that’s kind of part of what happened in that spiritual awakening moment in Australia. It was like all of the coverings, you know, whether it’s our bodies or our personalities or any of that is kind of what covers the essence of us. And actually for me the essence of someone doesn’t have a gender. So I fell in love with her like I might have thought or indeed fell in love with guys in the past because I just fall in love with the person, you know, that essence of the human beings behind all the trappings. Me: That’s amazing because I feel the same way. It’s kind of weird how that works, right? It’s kind of like yeah, you feel the essence of the person. Seeing into the soul I mean I even had one guy say to me – this was like in a totally different context and we did not get together in the end but I do remember him saying to me at one point, I mean he wasn’t the right person for me but he was kind of freaked out at one stage. Because he was like “It’s like you want my soul!” and I was saying “It’s not that I want your soul, it’s that I see it!” I believe that I see it, right? And I think that you know, some people… I mean, credit to Sam as well because she’s obviously a really strong person too in that, you know, some people would be freaked out by that, right? Some people would be like ‘oh well…it’s the real me here that’s being…I don’t know if I want to say exposed but seen, right? Some people…we use those trappings to cover stuff up, right? As we all know, so…That brings a level of intimacy that’s probably quite cool I would imagine, right? Corrina: Yeah, and you know, don’t get me wrong, I love that she’s a woman as well. I love her long hair and her soft skin and her blue eyes, all the things that make her a woman as well I love. So it’s not like I don’t see those things, but that was never gonna be a filter, like I would only go for… The spectrum of sexuality Me: Yeah. I mean it’s really interesting because I…for me, I’m sure, I would imagine perhaps for you as well, I see the whole homosexual/heterosexual thing as this big spectrum and I have a really good friend who…Well I do playback theater and one of my friends, she’s in a playback theater troupe where they’re all either bi or gay or whatever, and then we did a workshop at one point. They were inviting guest playbackers to go. And one of the exercises they did that was…I just thought it was really cool. They said ‘put yourself…if stage left is like totally 100 percent gay and stage right is totally 100 percent heterosexual, put yourself on the spectrum, place yourself physically where you think you are’. It was really cool to see people, you know, all along the stage, all at different points. I just thought that was very normal, right? Because we’re all…for me, anyway, in my mind we’re all spiritual beings and so as you say, there’s no gender there, right? Corrina: And for some people there are. You know, that’s the thing, people who are that kind of 100 percent on the spectrum, brilliant, they’re really clear that they only want people of the opposite or the same sex. Yes, spectrum is beautiful. What Corrina does now Me: Yeah, wow! So now I really want to know more then about how… (laughs)…how you went from, well, what you do now to help people with their relationships. Because obviously you have a lot more knowledge than when you were in primary school and I know you’re helping people with a lot more than how to not get unwanted pregnancies and things! (laughs) Corrina: (laughs) Absolutely! Me: So what do you do now with people and how do you help them have these beautiful, deep relationships? Corrina: Yeah, and my work is around all relationships that are important. So it’s…my clients, some of them it’s really about their partner relationship but for others it’s about their relationship with their mom or their daughter or their brother. For me, connection…it’s a kind of cliche but connection is what we’re hard wired for. We as human beings love to connect, we love to love people with our full hearts. But there are so many things that stop that from happening within us. We get resentful, we get frustrated, we get disappointed, we feel let down, we feel indignant, all of this. And I over the course of my own personal journey have found a very, very miraculous way of dealing with all those blocks. So it’s the process of questioning your thoughts, questioning your stories, that block connection. An example of our made-up stories So let’s say I’m with Sam and let’s say she’s saying something that sounds critical. My story in my head goes, ‘she’s criticizing me, she doesn’t love me, she’s being mean to me’. You know, ‘I want her to be kind, I want her not to point out my flaws’, all of that. That is all story. It’s all mental. It’s all… Me: Yes! It’s all made up. Corrina: It’s all made up! And we don’t realize it, we think, ‘no but this is true, she’s criticizing me, this is what’s happening’. And so what I am so blessed to have come into contact with a number of years ago is the process of questioning those thoughts. Just sitting with those thoughts and asking them, ‘Is this true? Is this accurate, is this the correct interpretation of what’s going on?’ Not just is it true that that’s what’s going on, but is it true that I would be better off if it were happening differently? Me: OK… Corrina: Like am I sure? So let’s say your loved one is truly critizing you. They’re saying to you “you’re a stupid, ugly, whatever, whatever”. Can I be sure that my happiness depends on them not saying that? Can I be sure that I can only feel good about myself and peaceful if they stop doing that? Because it sets up a very limited version of life if I’m always waiting for someone else to give me something, to give me what I think I need in order to be peaceful and happy. It’s like I delay my peace and my happiness until other people and other circumstances arrange themselves in just the right way. Our rules…and our scripts Me: Yeah, it’s like our rules, right? Where we all have these rules about what has to happen for us to be happy and the more…the easier it is to be happy, then the happier we are, right? Corrina: Exactly, exactly. I talk about our scripts. It’s like, I realized pretty early on with Sam that I had a script, that if she followed this script and she said and she did exactly what I, you know, expected her to do then I would feel happy, but if she went off script then I wouldn’t be happy, I’d be pissed off. She really helped me see this, she said to me one day “Why don’t you just give me your fucking script Corrina! Give me your script, tell me what I need to do”. And I was like “How dare you! This is just what you’re meant to do, you’re my wife, this is how you’re meant to treat me”. Then it kind of dawned on me a few days later, like ‘oh my gosh, my script is the source of all of my unhappiness. Every moment that I want her to be doing something other than what’s reality, I am causing my own unhappiness’. Corrina’s ‘big work’ Me: Right. So then your relationship was, I guess, far from…I don’t want to say far from idyllic, but you had to work through some of this stuff in your relationship with Sam? Corrina: One hundred percent. I wouldn’t be doing this work if I hadn’t had to…if this hadn’t been my big work. You know, so yes like I was completely besotted with her in the beginning, and we got together and it was blissful, and then all my stories started to kick in. ‘Hmmm, well she’s not this’ and ‘hmmm, she said that and that’s not OK’ and ‘would I be better off with someone who did this’ and you know, all those stories eroded what I had imagined would be this perfect relationship. So it’s like I had to work on that, I had to take those stories and stop those stories from sabotaging this beautiful relationship that we had underneath all those stories. Me: Yeah. It’s good that you managed to do that, thank goodness, right? Corrina: I mean, it saved my marriage. It saved my relationship. A daily practice Me: And did it take a long time? Corrina: Yeah, it’s a daily practice. It really is a daily practice, it’s like if you want to be fit, like you’ve done today (laughs), you go to the gym, you go for a run, you do your yoga. You don’t just be like ‘oh I’ll do it one time and then it’s done’. If you want a healthy, thriving, fit relationship with anybody, whether it’s your son or your dad or your sister, there’s daily practice to do. There’s daily work to do every time you get triggered, every time something gets in the way of you being totally, wholeheartedly connected with the human being in front of you, you’ve got something to look at there. Me: Yeah, but at least you can…I mean, what am I trying to say, there comes a time when you catch yourself, right? At least, you know, having done a certain amount of work, then you can get to the point where you see what’s happening, right? As an observer almost and you can go ‘OK hang on, I’m doing this again, this is my script’. Whereas at the beginning, you know, when people aren’t even aware of their scripts, I imagine it takes them a little bit… well it depends on the person I guess, right? How much time it would take them to start to see and to start to implement I guess the tools that you give them, right? Corrina: Absolutely, yes, you’re completely spot on. When you get triggered And you know, now I’m at the point where I get triggered and it could be like anything, right? It could be I’m on Facebook and I see a message from someone and I feel like ‘oh they should have, you know, complimented me rather than give me negative feedback on something’. Right? Instantly, ‘oh! OK, there’s a trigger! A button’s gotten pushed’. And now I’m at the point where I’m like ‘Oooh, good, what’s here for me?’ Me: I do the same thing, that’s really funny! Yeah, I had something that happened the other day that made me so angry and then I’m like ‘OK if this is making me this angry and, you know, the other 30 people in the room are not angry, they actually think it’s quite cute…’ (laughs) We all get triggered, even by 8-year old authors I’ll tell you what it was, it was quite funny. I was at this day workshop with an amazing speaker and there was this little girl, she’s like 8 years old and she’s written a book. Actually she’s written 3 books, right? Corrina: Wow! Me: And it made me so annoyed! And I just thought…you know, not only envious, obviously envious, you know, 3 books at age 8, but also annoyed because, you know, her mom was there and I knew what it was. It brought up all the old scripts of, you know, stage mothers because I did theater before and so I had a good friend who had a stage mother who was just absolutely unbearable whereas, you know, my mom was the opposite. So I see what you mean, you get these reactions, right, that are completely irrational because the people around me were applauding her and they were like ‘oh isn’t that wonderful’ and I was like inside going ‘this is making me so angry!’ But we all get triggered, don’t we, right? Examples of tiny triggers Corrina: Oh, everyone. And it could be like the tiniest thing, that’s what I always find fascinating. It could be just one line in an email. Or it could be just the way that your partner, you know, turns over in their sleep, just the tiniest little things. Often my clients say to me “Oh, you know, I can’t bring this to you today, it’s just so small” and I’m like “No, no, that’s exactly what to bring!”. The fact that he put tofu in the stir fry rather than kidney beans, you know. There was something, there was some offense against you. So there you are with that 8 year old girl, that offense that she’s committing against you in that moment that’s kind of violating something is like, you know, ‘she’s further ahead than me’ or ‘she’s achieved one of my life goals’ or, you know… Me: Yeah, and she’s 8 and I’m 55! Corrina: And she’s 8! It’s just to be so compassionate with ourselves that ‘oh look, there’s this part of me that feels in some way threatened or violated or hurt by this, let me just so lovingly look there and heal that part of myself’. Being compassionate with yourself Me: Ah, yeah, that’s a really key point there that you brought up so I just wanted to emphasize it, yeah. That being compassionate with that part of ourselves, right? Rather than being like, OK, you know, with that kind of…what’s the word, forced smile on our faces, going ‘Ah, another beautiful part of me to transform’, you know (laughs), right? Right? And we can be quite hard on ourselves with that, right, and be like ‘OK what’s at the bottom of this!’ and take a kind of like pickaxe to it. At least that’s what I would do or could do rather than choosing to as you say, acknowledge with love that part of ourselves and treat it as part of, you know, part of the inner child or whatever you want to call it, that needs love and compassion. That’s a really interesting point that we don’t want to forget. Wow! That’s very cool. How to work with Corrina So when you work with people, I would love to hear just a bit more about what the different ways are that you…Do people come to see you in an office, or do you do things online, or how does that work? Corrina: Yes, so right now it’s one to one. There’s a potential of me offering something else in the kind of group workshop, retreat way, but not for now. What I do is I do free videos, everyone can just watch a free video every week, all about relationship hotspots and how to move past them, and then if people feel inspired and really like they’re wanting that support, they can have the one to one coaching. And for now that is by Skype or by phone, and I’m just starting to also offer that in person as well for people who I’m unable to physically meet with. Me: Yeah. That’s really fantastic, well thank you so much. What I’ll do is, I’ll link to everything that you do in the show notes but where’s the best place for people to look online to find out more about what you’re doing and more about you and to get access to the videos and things? An online video library…and a 7 Day Relationship Challenge Corrina: Yeah, so if they go to corrinagordonbarnes.com, I’ll just spell that out, and if you go to the blog page that’s where I’ve got all the videos and articles that have happened so far. So that’s a really good place just to go, it’s like settling into a library of relationship wisdom and gems, just settling in and watching some of the videos and just seeing if the approach makes sense to you. The right people for this work are people who watch a video and go ‘oh my gosh, that makes so much sense!’ And they apply that tip that I’m sharing and they come back and they say “Wow I had this incredible experience with my mom! Because I did the thing that you…” I do like challenges in the video so they’re like “I did the challenge that you set and I had a completely different experience with my mom this week, thank you!” Me: That’s brilliant! Corrina: It’s so good, it’s so satisfying. So on the blog page that’s where people can look at all the videos so far. And on the homepage people can sign up for the free 7 Day Relationship Challenge. 7 days to feel more connected Me: That sounds intriguing for sure! Corrina: Yes! It’s 7 days to feel more connected, that’s the overarching focus. How can you feel more connected? That beautiful feeling of just wholehearted connection with the person in front of you, and I give a number of challenges that you can actually implement to help you feel that way. Me: That is really fantastic! Well, I mean yeah, because as you say, we’re all starving for connection and I mean, we could do a whole episode just about the different ways people connect, right? Through food and smoking and alcohol, and, you know, apart from people, right? Corrina: Facebook! Me: Facebook! There’s so many…it’s a massive, massive topic but…so I wish we had more time! But thank you so much for being here to share your story, because I love your story and I love your journey and I really, really love what you’re doing right now, so I’m really grateful that you took the time to share that with us, so thank you so much! Corrina: You’re very welcome, thank you so much! A food to help with travel sickness So now I mentioned at the beginning of this episode that I’d share with you one of the best foods you can eat for help with travel sickness. And I think it will come as no surprise for most of you anyway to hear that that food is…ginger! Ginger has so many benefits it’s ridiculous. Not only can it help with travel sickness, but it’s also beneficial for other causes of nausea, like morning sickness, and it can help with pain relief as well. Why ginger is so helpful So this powerful little root contains loads of antioxidant and antiinflammatory compounds, including curcumin and capsaicin which are also found in turmeric which is another superfood. They’re part of the same plant family, turmeric, ginger and cardamom. Ginger also contains a ton of vitamins and minerals, including calcium, potassium, magnesium, phosphorus, niacin, iron, zinc and folate. A big list, right? And ginger is a great way to warm us up, because it’s a diaphoretic (that was my new word for today), which means that it heats the body from the inside out. So if you live in a cold climate for example, ginger can literally help warm you up inside. It also helps promote sweating, which is why it’s so good to have ginger tea if you’ve got a cold and you need to sweat out some toxins. Ginger even helps with pain relief But did you know that ginger can also help with pain relief? Two examples are exercise-induced muscle pain (so if you work out, eat some ginger), as well as menstrual cramps. So the next time you’re feeling crampy (I don’t know if that’s a word but I’ve just decided it is!), make yourself some strong ginger tea and see how you feel. Ginger can also help reduce inflammation, so scientists are looking to see if it can help with cancer, and particularly colon cancer. Ginger also is showing promise for helping treat that as well as inflammation caused by osteoarthritis. I’ll link to an article in the show notes that has more information about ginger’s many properties and benefits, it also includes links to the actual research in case you’d like to know more about that. And in addition I’ll link to an article that has some overall tips for avoiding travel sickness, including using ginger. So how do you eat ginger? If you need help with travel sickness and you want instant relief, well, you can definitely try peeling the root and gnawing on a piece…although I haven’t done that myself. Ginger’s pretty strong stuff. What I do is I usually juice a small piece of ginger with some carrots and apples for a really zinging morning juice. It tastes really, really good. Or you can pop a piece into your blender with other veggies and maybe some fruit for a green smoothie or a soup to give it a bit of a zing. It also helps you use less salt because it’s got a really strong flavor. Other people prefer to slice a few pieces into some very hot water and let it steep for a while with a slice or two of lemon to make ginger tea. And you can also grate ginger into soups, curries and other savory dishes. Or even just chop it finely and use it in stir-frys. I’ll link in the show notes to some recipes that I’ve got in my 5-Minute Mains recipe ebook that use ginger too, such as my Green Thai Curry. One thing for sure that I definitely recommend is that you use fresh ginger root wherever possible, rather than powdered ginger or capsules. I say that because the fresh vegetable is so easy to use and it’s always best I think to have the actual vegetable rather than some dried out version in a plastic capsule. But then again if capsules are all you have access to, better that than no ginger! If you do try something new with ginger, or something else that you feel can help with travel sickness, definitely share in the comments because I want to know! Have YOU got a story to share? Which brings us to the end of this week’s story – and if you’ve got a true story to share (and you’d like to know what food could have saved the day in your situation), I’d love to hear from you! Got a question, or a comment? Got a question, or a comment? Pop a note below in the comments, that would be awesome. You can also subscribe to the podcast to listen ‘on the go’ in iTunes. I hope you have an amazing day. Thank you so much for being here with me to share in my Clean Food, Dirty Stories. Bye for now! RESOURCES Link to 5-Minute Mains and other recipe ebooks: Article with nutritional information on ginger as well as links to scientific studies: Article with general tips to help with travel sickness: Corrina Gordon-Barnes is a Relationship Coach who’s committed to a world of happy couples and happy families. She teaches her clients how to be really good at relationships – how to love full-heartedly, let go of resentments, forgive, accept and live from power not victimhood. She lives in Cambridge, England with her wife, Sam.You can find Corrina at her website, on Twitter, Facebook and YouTube. Source link

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Corrina Gordon-Barnes’ journey from dating guys to finding a wife…thanks to travel sickness! And of course the best food to help with travel sickness (in case you’ve already found your partner…) In addition to this story, at the end of this episode I’ll share with you the best food for travel sickness (in case you’ve already found your wife or partner). OK enough hints from me, let’s get on with the story. Our guest, Corrina Gordon-Barnes I am super excited to be joined here today for our story by Corrina Gordon-Barnes. Corrina is a Relationship Coach who’s committed to a world of happy couples and happy families. She teaches her clients how to be really good at relationships. So Corrina, welcome to the Clean Food, Dirty Stories podcast! I’m really excited to have you here today! Corrina: Thank you so much for inviting me to connect with you. Me: Oh well you’re so welcome! I love your story and I really can’t wait for us to share it with everybody. Corrina’s story, starting with being boy mad Me: Without further ado, the first question I wanted to ask you…and I’ve said a little bit about what you do now, but when you were small, or younger, how did you see your dream relationship one day? Did you have princess dreams or did you have a particular type of partner in mind before you actually met your life partner? Corrina: Well, I was boy mad. Me: Boy mad! Corrina: Boy mad, like going through my primary school years, I remember that I was the one in my class who learned about sex really early. I was the one who would get all these teenage magazines, even as a late primary school age kid, and I would be teaching my friends at school. “You can get pregnant the first time you have sex” and “be careful with your boyfriend”. Me: Oh my god! A relationship expert…in primary school Corrina: I was like this relationship expert, even at that age I was teaching my friends. Like “these are all the myths, don’t do this, do this” and so I was kind of boy mad, I was relationship mad. Getting into my teens I remember with my friends we would literally kind of go out prowling the streets. We would walk along the high street in my town where I lived and we would be looking for boys and we would be kind of flirting and coy. There was always some boy that I had my eye on. Always some guy who had my attention, I would try and make sure I was in the same place as him so that he would see me… Me: Sounds familiar, yeah. So I was definitely, I definitely wanted boys. That was very clear to me. Me: And you got engaged to a boy at one stage, right? Corrina: Yeah, so I had one really long term relationship before I met who is now my partner, and we got engaged at age 17. Me: Wow! We were gonna get married and we were gonna have all these babies and we were gonna live in this particular kind of house and have this life… That was the path that I thought I was on at that age. Me: So then what happened to take you off that path? The path to self-discovery Corrina: Well that relationship was not the right one, and so that ended 4 years later and I stayed then single for quite a while. You know, I was really wanting to find myself. So I went on this whole spiritual, personal growth journey. I read every book I could get, I did meditation, I went vegan… It had this whole kind of personal growth change in my life. Me: What do you think prompted that? Was it the end of that relationship that prompted that? I mean, what were your thoughts? Were you just like ‘Oh I think I need to take care of myself more’ or become a different person, or…? Corrina: I was in Australia and I was just there travelling for a year. And I met this guy – surprisingly enough – in a cafe. He just said “Hey I go to this meditation course down the road, why don’t you come along”. And so I went and that very first moment, that very first time in the room with that meditation teacher, she told me that I was a spiritual being. She said to me – to the whole group but I really heard this – “You are a spirit soul having this human experience, but you are a spiritual being”. It was like someone had just told me who I was. Like “oh my gosh, that’s who I am, this human life is how I get to journey and explore and have an adventure, but I’m a spiritual being”. The layers (or the clothes) fall away Me: So did you have that as like an inner knowing, or how did you experience it? Because people experience those things in different ways, right? Some people experience a physical sensation of light, other people experience it as just an inner sense of knowing… Corrina: It was like all my clothes fell off. Me: (laughs) Um…I haven’t heard that one before! Corrina: It was like this casing, this casing just fell off. I literally woke up the next morning and I was vegan, I went from a complete meat eater to being vegan overnight just like that. And I was just on this journey then to just explore and discover myself and get back to the essential nature of my being. It was like everything that wasn’t true about me just kind of fell away over the coming months. Me: Wow. That’s very cool! Corrina: Yeah, it was pretty cool, I felt much lighter, it was like clothes coming off. I was just light, I was much, much lighter, much more energized, much freer, much more joyful. Me: It’s interesting that you say that for you, all your clothes coming off, like some people might associate that with being exposed, right? Being vulnerable. And for you, you associate that with being light. So that’s really interesting. Corrina: And just free. I remember in Australia, those kind of days, weeks after that moment. It was like I was floating along the streets. I was so free, I was feeling so connected with people, like I had just woken up. On to Cambridge University…and a fated bus trip Me: Yeah. Wow! And so how did you get from there to Cambridge University? Corrina: Yeah, so I decided that I wanted to do teacher training so I came to Cambridge University and signed up for the English and Drama teacher training course here. And on that very first day in class, they sat me next to this woman called Sam. There was something about her that just immediately kind of, like something just…a light bulb went off or something just happened. It was like ‘Huh, she’s just come on my radar really strongly, why am I paying attention to her so much?’ So she was really in my awareness and we were both in the same school together so we were both placed to do our teacher practice in the same school. And on the first day of teaching practice, I got onto the bus that would take us to our practice school and I got on and she was sitting in the front seat. Now I always need to sit in the front seat in a bus because I get travel sick. So I just went over to her…I’d already clocked her as someone who was on my radar, and I just said “Oh, are you OK if I join you in the front seat?” And she said “Yeah sure, I have to sit here because I get travel sick” and I said “Oh me too!” So we sat side by side and over the months to come we became best friends. Just absolutely clicked, became best friends, incredible support through the whole teaching practice. A brave declaration Me: And was there any like physical attraction at that stage? Or did that come later? Corrina: Immediately! Immediately, I was like ‘Huh! What is this woman doing to me, what is this, what is happening here? I just feel energized around her, she lights me up, I feel excited, I feel like the world is just kind of shinier…’ Me: Wow! Corrina: Everything just felt brighter and more energized. Me: It sounds like a good, a good…I don’t know, I mean, I’ve never like taken acid or anything but (laughs) it sounds like, you know, a positive drug experience without the drugs, right? Corrina: (laughs) Totally! Totally, a kind of ‘switch-on, turn-on, I’m awake, I’m alive, oh my gosh, who are you’ kind of thing. Me: Was it the same for her as well? Corrina: Well what was so funny was that over the months that then came, was that I basically told her (laughs). I just said “Basically I’ve realized that I’m just completely in love with you. Do you feel that too?” Me: Wow! That was so brave of you cause you were friends at that stage, right? Like best friends, you don’t want to wreck your relationship with your best friend by taking the risk but you did! Corrina: I just did! And that’s kind of, you know, the kind of continuity of the whole spiritual journey for me of just like I’m free. You know, I’m free. If I feel this thing, I have to follow my heart. I have to just blurt out like “I’m in love with you, I don’t know if you feel the same way”. And to start out with, it wasn’t something that she let herself feel straight away. Determined and keeping faith Me: So what did she say when you said this? When you blurted this out? Corrina: She said “You know, I feel really connected with you, I love you a lot as a friend, but it’s not romantic for me”. Me: And how did that make you feel? Corrina: Oh, heartbroken. Absolutely heartbroken. But also there was something… it was almost like inside I was going ‘You just wait!’ (laughs) ‘You just wait. I know that you’re the one for me, I’ll just be patient, I’ll just hang on’. Me: Oh wow! Other people though could have had quite a different reaction, right? I mean some people might have, I imagine anyway, some people might have just, you know, stayed in the heartbroken phase and then just walked away, right? And lost it. Corrina: No, I believed, I really had faith that this… There was a reason I was feeling this way, I couldn’t ignore it, I couldn’t shake it, I just kept believing in it and stayed consistently just loving her and being a good friend in the months where… You know, it took 3 months basically of us staying friends and me just loving her, and loving her, and loving her. And then just after Christmas we got together as a couple. And just before Christmas… Me: And what happened? So how did that happen? Like you’re friends, it’s been like you know 3 months, she knows how you feel, did she just all of a sudden like make a move? Or did she say something to you? Corrina: Well, I made the move. Again. Me: (laughs) Oh my god! So it’s like ‘OK I’ve already been kind of rejected once, let me have another go’. Right? Corrina: Exactly! (laughs) Or a few gos! So there was that initial conversation and then there was another conversation where I basically said – this was just before Christmas – I basically said “Are you sure?” Me: Oh my god! Corrina: “I still feel this thing…” and she again was like “No really, we’re just friends”. So that was the second time and then third time lucky! I just made a move and I thought ‘You know what? I’m just gonna take a risk again, I’m just gonna be bold. What’s the worst that can happen? Rejection, right? What’s the best that can happen? I can be with the love of my life’. Me: Oh my god – yeah but that was still just so…Right, OK. That was still just so brave. Once is already like super brave, right? Braver than most people. Twice is like oh my god, you know, three times you start to think OK, hmmm… Corrina: Yeah, and it worked! (laughs) Third time lucky and it was just after Christmas and that was now 13 years ago – 14 years ago. What was she thinking? Me: And so what did she, like…You made the move and what did she then say? Was she like ‘oh I didn’t know until you touched me’ or was she like ‘oh I realized it at the same time as you’ or was she… Corrina: I think it was less of a thought thing. It was just, you know, when it happened then it just felt right. Like ‘oh this is where I was meant to be, OK, got it’. Me: And that’s what she felt too? Was that how she verbalised it to you? Corrina: Well and to give her credit here, so she’s gay and I’m bi, right? So for a gay woman, if a bisexual woman says ‘I’m in love with you’, there’s gonna be a sense of ‘hmm, OK maybe you’re just trying this out, maybe actually this is just a kind of short-term thing for you and really you’re gonna want to be with guys’ Me: Yeah, I’ve heard that, yeah. Proving her love Corrina: So it’s a real credit for her that for those months she was, you know, guarding her heart for that, because you don’t know what’s gonna happen, if that person declaring their love for you is gonna be constant. So I had to kind of prove that actually I meant it. When I said I loved her, I meant it and I was gonna be in it for the long haul. Me: So do you think that a part of her was not testing you, but kind of like unconsciously perhaps waiting? You know? Corrina: Yeah. Me: Oh OK, that makes a lot more sense. Cause in my mind I was imagining somebody who, you know, was neither gay nor bi and who maybe had, I don’t know, only gone out with guys or something and so then for somebody like that it would be much more of a 180, right? Corrina: Yeah, no she’s gay through and through. Me: Well, fortunately for you as it turns out, right? (laughs) The human being behind the coverings Corrina: Well that’s the thing for me as a bisexual woman. For me it’s not about the fact that I like men and women, it’s the fact that I like people and the gender is just irrelevant. And that’s kind of part of what happened in that spiritual awakening moment in Australia. It was like all of the coverings, you know, whether it’s our bodies or our personalities or any of that is kind of what covers the essence of us. And actually for me the essence of someone doesn’t have a gender. So I fell in love with her like I might have thought or indeed fell in love with guys in the past because I just fall in love with the person, you know, that essence of the human beings behind all the trappings. Me: That’s amazing because I feel the same way. It’s kind of weird how that works, right? It’s kind of like yeah, you feel the essence of the person. Seeing into the soul I mean I even had one guy say to me – this was like in a totally different context and we did not get together in the end but I do remember him saying to me at one point, I mean he wasn’t the right person for me but he was kind of freaked out at one stage. Because he was like “It’s like you want my soul!” and I was saying “It’s not that I want your soul, it’s that I see it!” I believe that I see it, right? And I think that you know, some people… I mean, credit to Sam as well because she’s obviously a really strong person too in that, you know, some people would be freaked out by that, right? Some people would be like ‘oh well…it’s the real me here that’s being…I don’t know if I want to say exposed but seen, right? Some people…we use those trappings to cover stuff up, right? As we all know, so…That brings a level of intimacy that’s probably quite cool I would imagine, right? Corrina: Yeah, and you know, don’t get me wrong, I love that she’s a woman as well. I love her long hair and her soft skin and her blue eyes, all the things that make her a woman as well I love. So it’s not like I don’t see those things, but that was never gonna be a filter, like I would only go for… The spectrum of sexuality Me: Yeah. I mean it’s really interesting because I…for me, I’m sure, I would imagine perhaps for you as well, I see the whole homosexual/heterosexual thing as this big spectrum and I have a really good friend who…Well I do playback theater and one of my friends, she’s in a playback theater troupe where they’re all either bi or gay or whatever, and then we did a workshop at one point. They were inviting guest playbackers to go. And one of the exercises they did that was…I just thought it was really cool. They said ‘put yourself…if stage left is like totally 100 percent gay and stage right is totally 100 percent heterosexual, put yourself on the spectrum, place yourself physically where you think you are’. It was really cool to see people, you know, all along the stage, all at different points. I just thought that was very normal, right? Because we’re all…for me, anyway, in my mind we’re all spiritual beings and so as you say, there’s no gender there, right? Corrina: And for some people there are. You know, that’s the thing, people who are that kind of 100 percent on the spectrum, brilliant, they’re really clear that they only want people of the opposite or the same sex. Yes, spectrum is beautiful. What Corrina does now Me: Yeah, wow! So now I really want to know more then about how… (laughs)…how you went from, well, what you do now to help people with their relationships. Because obviously you have a lot more knowledge than when you were in primary school and I know you’re helping people with a lot more than how to not get unwanted pregnancies and things! (laughs) Corrina: (laughs) Absolutely! Me: So what do you do now with people and how do you help them have these beautiful, deep relationships? Corrina: Yeah, and my work is around all relationships that are important. So it’s…my clients, some of them it’s really about their partner relationship but for others it’s about their relationship with their mom or their daughter or their brother. For me, connection…it’s a kind of cliche but connection is what we’re hard wired for. We as human beings love to connect, we love to love people with our full hearts. But there are so many things that stop that from happening within us. We get resentful, we get frustrated, we get disappointed, we feel let down, we feel indignant, all of this. And I over the course of my own personal journey have found a very, very miraculous way of dealing with all those blocks. So it’s the process of questioning your thoughts, questioning your stories, that block connection. An example of our made-up stories So let’s say I’m with Sam and let’s say she’s saying something that sounds critical. My story in my head goes, ‘she’s criticizing me, she doesn’t love me, she’s being mean to me’. You know, ‘I want her to be kind, I want her not to point out my flaws’, all of that. That is all story. It’s all mental. It’s all… Me: Yes! It’s all made up. Corrina: It’s all made up! And we don’t realize it, we think, ‘no but this is true, she’s criticizing me, this is what’s happening’. And so what I am so blessed to have come into contact with a number of years ago is the process of questioning those thoughts. Just sitting with those thoughts and asking them, ‘Is this true? Is this accurate, is this the correct interpretation of what’s going on?’ Not just is it true that that’s what’s going on, but is it true that I would be better off if it were happening differently? Me: OK… Corrina: Like am I sure? So let’s say your loved one is truly critizing you. They’re saying to you “you’re a stupid, ugly, whatever, whatever”. Can I be sure that my happiness depends on them not saying that? Can I be sure that I can only feel good about myself and peaceful if they stop doing that? Because it sets up a very limited version of life if I’m always waiting for someone else to give me something, to give me what I think I need in order to be peaceful and happy. It’s like I delay my peace and my happiness until other people and other circumstances arrange themselves in just the right way. Our rules…and our scripts Me: Yeah, it’s like our rules, right? Where we all have these rules about what has to happen for us to be happy and the more…the easier it is to be happy, then the happier we are, right? Corrina: Exactly, exactly. I talk about our scripts. It’s like, I realized pretty early on with Sam that I had a script, that if she followed this script and she said and she did exactly what I, you know, expected her to do then I would feel happy, but if she went off script then I wouldn’t be happy, I’d be pissed off. She really helped me see this, she said to me one day “Why don’t you just give me your fucking script Corrina! Give me your script, tell me what I need to do”. And I was like “How dare you! This is just what you’re meant to do, you’re my wife, this is how you’re meant to treat me”. Then it kind of dawned on me a few days later, like ‘oh my gosh, my script is the source of all of my unhappiness. Every moment that I want her to be doing something other than what’s reality, I am causing my own unhappiness’. Corrina’s ‘big work’ Me: Right. So then your relationship was, I guess, far from…I don’t want to say far from idyllic, but you had to work through some of this stuff in your relationship with Sam? Corrina: One hundred percent. I wouldn’t be doing this work if I hadn’t had to…if this hadn’t been my big work. You know, so yes like I was completely besotted with her in the beginning, and we got together and it was blissful, and then all my stories started to kick in. ‘Hmmm, well she’s not this’ and ‘hmmm, she said that and that’s not OK’ and ‘would I be better off with someone who did this’ and you know, all those stories eroded what I had imagined would be this perfect relationship. So it’s like I had to work on that, I had to take those stories and stop those stories from sabotaging this beautiful relationship that we had underneath all those stories. Me: Yeah. It’s good that you managed to do that, thank goodness, right? Corrina: I mean, it saved my marriage. It saved my relationship. A daily practice Me: And did it take a long time? Corrina: Yeah, it’s a daily practice. It really is a daily practice, it’s like if you want to be fit, like you’ve done today (laughs), you go to the gym, you go for a run, you do your yoga. You don’t just be like ‘oh I’ll do it one time and then it’s done’. If you want a healthy, thriving, fit relationship with anybody, whether it’s your son or your dad or your sister, there’s daily practice to do. There’s daily work to do every time you get triggered, every time something gets in the way of you being totally, wholeheartedly connected with the human being in front of you, you’ve got something to look at there. Me: Yeah, but at least you can…I mean, what am I trying to say, there comes a time when you catch yourself, right? At least, you know, having done a certain amount of work, then you can get to the point where you see what’s happening, right? As an observer almost and you can go ‘OK hang on, I’m doing this again, this is my script’. Whereas at the beginning, you know, when people aren’t even aware of their scripts, I imagine it takes them a little bit… well it depends on the person I guess, right? How much time it would take them to start to see and to start to implement I guess the tools that you give them, right? Corrina: Absolutely, yes, you’re completely spot on. When you get triggered And you know, now I’m at the point where I get triggered and it could be like anything, right? It could be I’m on Facebook and I see a message from someone and I feel like ‘oh they should have, you know, complimented me rather than give me negative feedback on something’. Right? Instantly, ‘oh! OK, there’s a trigger! A button’s gotten pushed’. And now I’m at the point where I’m like ‘Oooh, good, what’s here for me?’ Me: I do the same thing, that’s really funny! Yeah, I had something that happened the other day that made me so angry and then I’m like ‘OK if this is making me this angry and, you know, the other 30 people in the room are not angry, they actually think it’s quite cute…’ (laughs) We all get triggered, even by 8-year old authors I’ll tell you what it was, it was quite funny. I was at this day workshop with an amazing speaker and there was this little girl, she’s like 8 years old and she’s written a book. Actually she’s written 3 books, right? Corrina: Wow! Me: And it made me so annoyed! And I just thought…you know, not only envious, obviously envious, you know, 3 books at age 8, but also annoyed because, you know, her mom was there and I knew what it was. It brought up all the old scripts of, you know, stage mothers because I did theater before and so I had a good friend who had a stage mother who was just absolutely unbearable whereas, you know, my mom was the opposite. So I see what you mean, you get these reactions, right, that are completely irrational because the people around me were applauding her and they were like ‘oh isn’t that wonderful’ and I was like inside going ‘this is making me so angry!’ But we all get triggered, don’t we, right? Examples of tiny triggers Corrina: Oh, everyone. And it could be like the tiniest thing, that’s what I always find fascinating. It could be just one line in an email. Or it could be just the way that your partner, you know, turns over in their sleep, just the tiniest little things. Often my clients say to me “Oh, you know, I can’t bring this to you today, it’s just so small” and I’m like “No, no, that’s exactly what to bring!”. The fact that he put tofu in the stir fry rather than kidney beans, you know. There was something, there was some offense against you. So there you are with that 8 year old girl, that offense that she’s committing against you in that moment that’s kind of violating something is like, you know, ‘she’s further ahead than me’ or ‘she’s achieved one of my life goals’ or, you know… Me: Yeah, and she’s 8 and I’m 55! Corrina: And she’s 8! It’s just to be so compassionate with ourselves that ‘oh look, there’s this part of me that feels in some way threatened or violated or hurt by this, let me just so lovingly look there and heal that part of myself’. Being compassionate with yourself Me: Ah, yeah, that’s a really key point there that you brought up so I just wanted to emphasize it, yeah. That being compassionate with that part of ourselves, right? Rather than being like, OK, you know, with that kind of…what’s the word, forced smile on our faces, going ‘Ah, another beautiful part of me to transform’, you know (laughs), right? Right? And we can be quite hard on ourselves with that, right, and be like ‘OK what’s at the bottom of this!’ and take a kind of like pickaxe to it. At least that’s what I would do or could do rather than choosing to as you say, acknowledge with love that part of ourselves and treat it as part of, you know, part of the inner child or whatever you want to call it, that needs love and compassion. That’s a really interesting point that we don’t want to forget. Wow! That’s very cool. How to work with Corrina So when you work with people, I would love to hear just a bit more about what the different ways are that you…Do people come to see you in an office, or do you do things online, or how does that work? Corrina: Yes, so right now it’s one to one. There’s a potential of me offering something else in the kind of group workshop, retreat way, but not for now. What I do is I do free videos, everyone can just watch a free video every week, all about relationship hotspots and how to move past them, and then if people feel inspired and really like they’re wanting that support, they can have the one to one coaching. And for now that is by Skype or by phone, and I’m just starting to also offer that in person as well for people who I’m unable to physically meet with. Me: Yeah. That’s really fantastic, well thank you so much. What I’ll do is, I’ll link to everything that you do in the show notes but where’s the best place for people to look online to find out more about what you’re doing and more about you and to get access to the videos and things? An online video library…and a 7 Day Relationship Challenge Corrina: Yeah, so if they go to corrinagordonbarnes.com, I’ll just spell that out, and if you go to the blog page that’s where I’ve got all the videos and articles that have happened so far. So that’s a really good place just to go, it’s like settling into a library of relationship wisdom and gems, just settling in and watching some of the videos and just seeing if the approach makes sense to you. The right people for this work are people who watch a video and go ‘oh my gosh, that makes so much sense!’ And they apply that tip that I’m sharing and they come back and they say “Wow I had this incredible experience with my mom! Because I did the thing that you…” I do like challenges in the video so they’re like “I did the challenge that you set and I had a completely different experience with my mom this week, thank you!” Me: That’s brilliant! Corrina: It’s so good, it’s so satisfying. So on the blog page that’s where people can look at all the videos so far. And on the homepage people can sign up for the free 7 Day Relationship Challenge. 7 days to feel more connected Me: That sounds intriguing for sure! Corrina: Yes! It’s 7 days to feel more connected, that’s the overarching focus. How can you feel more connected? That beautiful feeling of just wholehearted connection with the person in front of you, and I give a number of challenges that you can actually implement to help you feel that way. Me: That is really fantastic! Well, I mean yeah, because as you say, we’re all starving for connection and I mean, we could do a whole episode just about the different ways people connect, right? Through food and smoking and alcohol, and, you know, apart from people, right? Corrina: Facebook! Me: Facebook! There’s so many…it’s a massive, massive topic but…so I wish we had more time! But thank you so much for being here to share your story, because I love your story and I love your journey and I really, really love what you’re doing right now, so I’m really grateful that you took the time to share that with us, so thank you so much! Corrina: You’re very welcome, thank you so much! A food to help with travel sickness So now I mentioned at the beginning of this episode that I’d share with you one of the best foods you can eat for help with travel sickness. And I think it will come as no surprise for most of you anyway to hear that that food is…ginger! Ginger has so many benefits it’s ridiculous. Not only can it help with travel sickness, but it’s also beneficial for other causes of nausea, like morning sickness, and it can help with pain relief as well. Why ginger is so helpful So this powerful little root contains loads of antioxidant and antiinflammatory compounds, including curcumin and capsaicin which are also found in turmeric which is another superfood. They’re part of the same plant family, turmeric, ginger and cardamom. Ginger also contains a ton of vitamins and minerals, including calcium, potassium, magnesium, phosphorus, niacin, iron, zinc and folate. A big list, right? And ginger is a great way to warm us up, because it’s a diaphoretic (that was my new word for today), which means that it heats the body from the inside out. So if you live in a cold climate for example, ginger can literally help warm you up inside. It also helps promote sweating, which is why it’s so good to have ginger tea if you’ve got a cold and you need to sweat out some toxins. Ginger even helps with pain relief But did you know that ginger can also help with pain relief? Two examples are exercise-induced muscle pain (so if you work out, eat some ginger), as well as menstrual cramps. So the next time you’re feeling crampy (I don’t know if that’s a word but I’ve just decided it is!), make yourself some strong ginger tea and see how you feel. Ginger can also help reduce inflammation, so scientists are looking to see if it can help with cancer, and particularly colon cancer. Ginger also is showing promise for helping treat that as well as inflammation caused by osteoarthritis. I’ll link to an article in the show notes that has more information about ginger’s many properties and benefits, it also includes links to the actual research in case you’d like to know more about that. And in addition I’ll link to an article that has some overall tips for avoiding travel sickness, including using ginger. So how do you eat ginger? If you need help with travel sickness and you want instant relief, well, you can definitely try peeling the root and gnawing on a piece…although I haven’t done that myself. Ginger’s pretty strong stuff. What I do is I usually juice a small piece of ginger with some carrots and apples for a really zinging morning juice. It tastes really, really good. Or you can pop a piece into your blender with other veggies and maybe some fruit for a green smoothie or a soup to give it a bit of a zing. It also helps you use less salt because it’s got a really strong flavor. Other people prefer to slice a few pieces into some very hot water and let it steep for a while with a slice or two of lemon to make ginger tea. And you can also grate ginger into soups, curries and other savory dishes. Or even just chop it finely and use it in stir-frys. I’ll link in the show notes to some recipes that I’ve got in my 5-Minute Mains recipe ebook that use ginger too, such as my Green Thai Curry. One thing for sure that I definitely recommend is that you use fresh ginger root wherever possible, rather than powdered ginger or capsules. I say that because the fresh vegetable is so easy to use and it’s always best I think to have the actual vegetable rather than some dried out version in a plastic capsule. But then again if capsules are all you have access to, better that than no ginger! If you do try something new with ginger, or something else that you feel can help with travel sickness, definitely share in the comments because I want to know! Have YOU got a story to share? Which brings us to the end of this week’s story – and if you’ve got a true story to share (and you’d like to know what food could have saved the day in your situation), I’d love to hear from you! Got a question, or a comment? Got a question, or a comment? Pop a note below in the comments, that would be awesome. You can also subscribe to the podcast to listen ‘on the go’ in iTunes. I hope you have an amazing day. Thank you so much for being here with me to share in my Clean Food, Dirty Stories. Bye for now! RESOURCES Link to 5-Minute Mains and other recipe ebooks: Article with nutritional information on ginger as well as links to scientific studies: Article with general tips to help with travel sickness: Corrina Gordon-Barnes is a Relationship Coach who’s committed to a world of happy couples and happy families. She teaches her clients how to be really good at relationships – how to love full-heartedly, let go of resentments, forgive, accept and live from power not victimhood. She lives in Cambridge, England with her wife, Sam.You can find Corrina at her website, on Twitter, Facebook and YouTube. Source link

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Corrina Gordon-Barnes’ journey from dating guys to finding a wife…thanks to travel sickness! And of course the best food to help with travel sickness (in case you’ve already found your partner…) In addition to this story, at the end of this episode I’ll share with you the best food for travel sickness (in case you’ve already found your wife or partner). OK enough hints from me, let’s get on with the story. Our guest, Corrina Gordon-Barnes I am super excited to be joined here today for our story by Corrina Gordon-Barnes. Corrina is a Relationship Coach who’s committed to a world of happy couples and happy families. She teaches her clients how to be really good at relationships. So Corrina, welcome to the Clean Food, Dirty Stories podcast! I’m really excited to have you here today! Corrina: Thank you so much for inviting me to connect with you. Me: Oh well you’re so welcome! I love your story and I really can’t wait for us to share it with everybody. Corrina’s story, starting with being boy mad Me: Without further ado, the first question I wanted to ask you…and I’ve said a little bit about what you do now, but when you were small, or younger, how did you see your dream relationship one day? Did you have princess dreams or did you have a particular type of partner in mind before you actually met your life partner? Corrina: Well, I was boy mad. Me: Boy mad! Corrina: Boy mad, like going through my primary school years, I remember that I was the one in my class who learned about sex really early. I was the one who would get all these teenage magazines, even as a late primary school age kid, and I would be teaching my friends at school. “You can get pregnant the first time you have sex” and “be careful with your boyfriend”. Me: Oh my god! A relationship expert…in primary school Corrina: I was like this relationship expert, even at that age I was teaching my friends. Like “these are all the myths, don’t do this, do this” and so I was kind of boy mad, I was relationship mad. Getting into my teens I remember with my friends we would literally kind of go out prowling the streets. We would walk along the high street in my town where I lived and we would be looking for boys and we would be kind of flirting and coy. There was always some boy that I had my eye on. Always some guy who had my attention, I would try and make sure I was in the same place as him so that he would see me… Me: Sounds familiar, yeah. So I was definitely, I definitely wanted boys. That was very clear to me. Me: And you got engaged to a boy at one stage, right? Corrina: Yeah, so I had one really long term relationship before I met who is now my partner, and we got engaged at age 17. Me: Wow! We were gonna get married and we were gonna have all these babies and we were gonna live in this particular kind of house and have this life… That was the path that I thought I was on at that age. Me: So then what happened to take you off that path? The path to self-discovery Corrina: Well that relationship was not the right one, and so that ended 4 years later and I stayed then single for quite a while. You know, I was really wanting to find myself. So I went on this whole spiritual, personal growth journey. I read every book I could get, I did meditation, I went vegan… It had this whole kind of personal growth change in my life. Me: What do you think prompted that? Was it the end of that relationship that prompted that? I mean, what were your thoughts? Were you just like ‘Oh I think I need to take care of myself more’ or become a different person, or…? Corrina: I was in Australia and I was just there travelling for a year. And I met this guy – surprisingly enough – in a cafe. He just said “Hey I go to this meditation course down the road, why don’t you come along”. And so I went and that very first moment, that very first time in the room with that meditation teacher, she told me that I was a spiritual being. She said to me – to the whole group but I really heard this – “You are a spirit soul having this human experience, but you are a spiritual being”. It was like someone had just told me who I was. Like “oh my gosh, that’s who I am, this human life is how I get to journey and explore and have an adventure, but I’m a spiritual being”. The layers (or the clothes) fall away Me: So did you have that as like an inner knowing, or how did you experience it? Because people experience those things in different ways, right? Some people experience a physical sensation of light, other people experience it as just an inner sense of knowing… Corrina: It was like all my clothes fell off. Me: (laughs) Um…I haven’t heard that one before! Corrina: It was like this casing, this casing just fell off. I literally woke up the next morning and I was vegan, I went from a complete meat eater to being vegan overnight just like that. And I was just on this journey then to just explore and discover myself and get back to the essential nature of my being. It was like everything that wasn’t true about me just kind of fell away over the coming months. Me: Wow. That’s very cool! Corrina: Yeah, it was pretty cool, I felt much lighter, it was like clothes coming off. I was just light, I was much, much lighter, much more energized, much freer, much more joyful. Me: It’s interesting that you say that for you, all your clothes coming off, like some people might associate that with being exposed, right? Being vulnerable. And for you, you associate that with being light. So that’s really interesting. Corrina: And just free. I remember in Australia, those kind of days, weeks after that moment. It was like I was floating along the streets. I was so free, I was feeling so connected with people, like I had just woken up. On to Cambridge University…and a fated bus trip Me: Yeah. Wow! And so how did you get from there to Cambridge University? Corrina: Yeah, so I decided that I wanted to do teacher training so I came to Cambridge University and signed up for the English and Drama teacher training course here. And on that very first day in class, they sat me next to this woman called Sam. There was something about her that just immediately kind of, like something just…a light bulb went off or something just happened. It was like ‘Huh, she’s just come on my radar really strongly, why am I paying attention to her so much?’ So she was really in my awareness and we were both in the same school together so we were both placed to do our teacher practice in the same school. And on the first day of teaching practice, I got onto the bus that would take us to our practice school and I got on and she was sitting in the front seat. Now I always need to sit in the front seat in a bus because I get travel sick. So I just went over to her…I’d already clocked her as someone who was on my radar, and I just said “Oh, are you OK if I join you in the front seat?” And she said “Yeah sure, I have to sit here because I get travel sick” and I said “Oh me too!” So we sat side by side and over the months to come we became best friends. Just absolutely clicked, became best friends, incredible support through the whole teaching practice. A brave declaration Me: And was there any like physical attraction at that stage? Or did that come later? Corrina: Immediately! Immediately, I was like ‘Huh! What is this woman doing to me, what is this, what is happening here? I just feel energized around her, she lights me up, I feel excited, I feel like the world is just kind of shinier…’ Me: Wow! Corrina: Everything just felt brighter and more energized. Me: It sounds like a good, a good…I don’t know, I mean, I’ve never like taken acid or anything but (laughs) it sounds like, you know, a positive drug experience without the drugs, right? Corrina: (laughs) Totally! Totally, a kind of ‘switch-on, turn-on, I’m awake, I’m alive, oh my gosh, who are you’ kind of thing. Me: Was it the same for her as well? Corrina: Well what was so funny was that over the months that then came, was that I basically told her (laughs). I just said “Basically I’ve realized that I’m just completely in love with you. Do you feel that too?” Me: Wow! That was so brave of you cause you were friends at that stage, right? Like best friends, you don’t want to wreck your relationship with your best friend by taking the risk but you did! Corrina: I just did! And that’s kind of, you know, the kind of continuity of the whole spiritual journey for me of just like I’m free. You know, I’m free. If I feel this thing, I have to follow my heart. I have to just blurt out like “I’m in love with you, I don’t know if you feel the same way”. And to start out with, it wasn’t something that she let herself feel straight away. Determined and keeping faith Me: So what did she say when you said this? When you blurted this out? Corrina: She said “You know, I feel really connected with you, I love you a lot as a friend, but it’s not romantic for me”. Me: And how did that make you feel? Corrina: Oh, heartbroken. Absolutely heartbroken. But also there was something… it was almost like inside I was going ‘You just wait!’ (laughs) ‘You just wait. I know that you’re the one for me, I’ll just be patient, I’ll just hang on’. Me: Oh wow! Other people though could have had quite a different reaction, right? I mean some people might have, I imagine anyway, some people might have just, you know, stayed in the heartbroken phase and then just walked away, right? And lost it. Corrina: No, I believed, I really had faith that this… There was a reason I was feeling this way, I couldn’t ignore it, I couldn’t shake it, I just kept believing in it and stayed consistently just loving her and being a good friend in the months where… You know, it took 3 months basically of us staying friends and me just loving her, and loving her, and loving her. And then just after Christmas we got together as a couple. And just before Christmas… Me: And what happened? So how did that happen? Like you’re friends, it’s been like you know 3 months, she knows how you feel, did she just all of a sudden like make a move? Or did she say something to you? Corrina: Well, I made the move. Again. Me: (laughs) Oh my god! So it’s like ‘OK I’ve already been kind of rejected once, let me have another go’. Right? Corrina: Exactly! (laughs) Or a few gos! So there was that initial conversation and then there was another conversation where I basically said – this was just before Christmas – I basically said “Are you sure?” Me: Oh my god! Corrina: “I still feel this thing…” and she again was like “No really, we’re just friends”. So that was the second time and then third time lucky! I just made a move and I thought ‘You know what? I’m just gonna take a risk again, I’m just gonna be bold. What’s the worst that can happen? Rejection, right? What’s the best that can happen? I can be with the love of my life’. Me: Oh my god – yeah but that was still just so…Right, OK. That was still just so brave. Once is already like super brave, right? Braver than most people. Twice is like oh my god, you know, three times you start to think OK, hmmm… Corrina: Yeah, and it worked! (laughs) Third time lucky and it was just after Christmas and that was now 13 years ago – 14 years ago. What was she thinking? Me: And so what did she, like…You made the move and what did she then say? Was she like ‘oh I didn’t know until you touched me’ or was she like ‘oh I realized it at the same time as you’ or was she… Corrina: I think it was less of a thought thing. It was just, you know, when it happened then it just felt right. Like ‘oh this is where I was meant to be, OK, got it’. Me: And that’s what she felt too? Was that how she verbalised it to you? Corrina: Well and to give her credit here, so she’s gay and I’m bi, right? So for a gay woman, if a bisexual woman says ‘I’m in love with you’, there’s gonna be a sense of ‘hmm, OK maybe you’re just trying this out, maybe actually this is just a kind of short-term thing for you and really you’re gonna want to be with guys’ Me: Yeah, I’ve heard that, yeah. Proving her love Corrina: So it’s a real credit for her that for those months she was, you know, guarding her heart for that, because you don’t know what’s gonna happen, if that person declaring their love for you is gonna be constant. So I had to kind of prove that actually I meant it. When I said I loved her, I meant it and I was gonna be in it for the long haul. Me: So do you think that a part of her was not testing you, but kind of like unconsciously perhaps waiting? You know? Corrina: Yeah. Me: Oh OK, that makes a lot more sense. Cause in my mind I was imagining somebody who, you know, was neither gay nor bi and who maybe had, I don’t know, only gone out with guys or something and so then for somebody like that it would be much more of a 180, right? Corrina: Yeah, no she’s gay through and through. Me: Well, fortunately for you as it turns out, right? (laughs) The human being behind the coverings Corrina: Well that’s the thing for me as a bisexual woman. For me it’s not about the fact that I like men and women, it’s the fact that I like people and the gender is just irrelevant. And that’s kind of part of what happened in that spiritual awakening moment in Australia. It was like all of the coverings, you know, whether it’s our bodies or our personalities or any of that is kind of what covers the essence of us. And actually for me the essence of someone doesn’t have a gender. So I fell in love with her like I might have thought or indeed fell in love with guys in the past because I just fall in love with the person, you know, that essence of the human beings behind all the trappings. Me: That’s amazing because I feel the same way. It’s kind of weird how that works, right? It’s kind of like yeah, you feel the essence of the person. Seeing into the soul I mean I even had one guy say to me – this was like in a totally different context and we did not get together in the end but I do remember him saying to me at one point, I mean he wasn’t the right person for me but he was kind of freaked out at one stage. Because he was like “It’s like you want my soul!” and I was saying “It’s not that I want your soul, it’s that I see it!” I believe that I see it, right? And I think that you know, some people… I mean, credit to Sam as well because she’s obviously a really strong person too in that, you know, some people would be freaked out by that, right? Some people would be like ‘oh well…it’s the real me here that’s being…I don’t know if I want to say exposed but seen, right? Some people…we use those trappings to cover stuff up, right? As we all know, so…That brings a level of intimacy that’s probably quite cool I would imagine, right? Corrina: Yeah, and you know, don’t get me wrong, I love that she’s a woman as well. I love her long hair and her soft skin and her blue eyes, all the things that make her a woman as well I love. So it’s not like I don’t see those things, but that was never gonna be a filter, like I would only go for… The spectrum of sexuality Me: Yeah. I mean it’s really interesting because I…for me, I’m sure, I would imagine perhaps for you as well, I see the whole homosexual/heterosexual thing as this big spectrum and I have a really good friend who…Well I do playback theater and one of my friends, she’s in a playback theater troupe where they’re all either bi or gay or whatever, and then we did a workshop at one point. They were inviting guest playbackers to go. And one of the exercises they did that was…I just thought it was really cool. They said ‘put yourself…if stage left is like totally 100 percent gay and stage right is totally 100 percent heterosexual, put yourself on the spectrum, place yourself physically where you think you are’. It was really cool to see people, you know, all along the stage, all at different points. I just thought that was very normal, right? Because we’re all…for me, anyway, in my mind we’re all spiritual beings and so as you say, there’s no gender there, right? Corrina: And for some people there are. You know, that’s the thing, people who are that kind of 100 percent on the spectrum, brilliant, they’re really clear that they only want people of the opposite or the same sex. Yes, spectrum is beautiful. What Corrina does now Me: Yeah, wow! So now I really want to know more then about how… (laughs)…how you went from, well, what you do now to help people with their relationships. Because obviously you have a lot more knowledge than when you were in primary school and I know you’re helping people with a lot more than how to not get unwanted pregnancies and things! (laughs) Corrina: (laughs) Absolutely! Me: So what do you do now with people and how do you help them have these beautiful, deep relationships? Corrina: Yeah, and my work is around all relationships that are important. So it’s…my clients, some of them it’s really about their partner relationship but for others it’s about their relationship with their mom or their daughter or their brother. For me, connection…it’s a kind of cliche but connection is what we’re hard wired for. We as human beings love to connect, we love to love people with our full hearts. But there are so many things that stop that from happening within us. We get resentful, we get frustrated, we get disappointed, we feel let down, we feel indignant, all of this. And I over the course of my own personal journey have found a very, very miraculous way of dealing with all those blocks. So it’s the process of questioning your thoughts, questioning your stories, that block connection. An example of our made-up stories So let’s say I’m with Sam and let’s say she’s saying something that sounds critical. My story in my head goes, ‘she’s criticizing me, she doesn’t love me, she’s being mean to me’. You know, ‘I want her to be kind, I want her not to point out my flaws’, all of that. That is all story. It’s all mental. It’s all… Me: Yes! It’s all made up. Corrina: It’s all made up! And we don’t realize it, we think, ‘no but this is true, she’s criticizing me, this is what’s happening’. And so what I am so blessed to have come into contact with a number of years ago is the process of questioning those thoughts. Just sitting with those thoughts and asking them, ‘Is this true? Is this accurate, is this the correct interpretation of what’s going on?’ Not just is it true that that’s what’s going on, but is it true that I would be better off if it were happening differently? Me: OK… Corrina: Like am I sure? So let’s say your loved one is truly critizing you. They’re saying to you “you’re a stupid, ugly, whatever, whatever”. Can I be sure that my happiness depends on them not saying that? Can I be sure that I can only feel good about myself and peaceful if they stop doing that? Because it sets up a very limited version of life if I’m always waiting for someone else to give me something, to give me what I think I need in order to be peaceful and happy. It’s like I delay my peace and my happiness until other people and other circumstances arrange themselves in just the right way. Our rules…and our scripts Me: Yeah, it’s like our rules, right? Where we all have these rules about what has to happen for us to be happy and the more…the easier it is to be happy, then the happier we are, right? Corrina: Exactly, exactly. I talk about our scripts. It’s like, I realized pretty early on with Sam that I had a script, that if she followed this script and she said and she did exactly what I, you know, expected her to do then I would feel happy, but if she went off script then I wouldn’t be happy, I’d be pissed off. She really helped me see this, she said to me one day “Why don’t you just give me your fucking script Corrina! Give me your script, tell me what I need to do”. And I was like “How dare you! This is just what you’re meant to do, you’re my wife, this is how you’re meant to treat me”. Then it kind of dawned on me a few days later, like ‘oh my gosh, my script is the source of all of my unhappiness. Every moment that I want her to be doing something other than what’s reality, I am causing my own unhappiness’. Corrina’s ‘big work’ Me: Right. So then your relationship was, I guess, far from…I don’t want to say far from idyllic, but you had to work through some of this stuff in your relationship with Sam? Corrina: One hundred percent. I wouldn’t be doing this work if I hadn’t had to…if this hadn’t been my big work. You know, so yes like I was completely besotted with her in the beginning, and we got together and it was blissful, and then all my stories started to kick in. ‘Hmmm, well she’s not this’ and ‘hmmm, she said that and that’s not OK’ and ‘would I be better off with someone who did this’ and you know, all those stories eroded what I had imagined would be this perfect relationship. So it’s like I had to work on that, I had to take those stories and stop those stories from sabotaging this beautiful relationship that we had underneath all those stories. Me: Yeah. It’s good that you managed to do that, thank goodness, right? Corrina: I mean, it saved my marriage. It saved my relationship. A daily practice Me: And did it take a long time? Corrina: Yeah, it’s a daily practice. It really is a daily practice, it’s like if you want to be fit, like you’ve done today (laughs), you go to the gym, you go for a run, you do your yoga. You don’t just be like ‘oh I’ll do it one time and then it’s done’. If you want a healthy, thriving, fit relationship with anybody, whether it’s your son or your dad or your sister, there’s daily practice to do. There’s daily work to do every time you get triggered, every time something gets in the way of you being totally, wholeheartedly connected with the human being in front of you, you’ve got something to look at there. Me: Yeah, but at least you can…I mean, what am I trying to say, there comes a time when you catch yourself, right? At least, you know, having done a certain amount of work, then you can get to the point where you see what’s happening, right? As an observer almost and you can go ‘OK hang on, I’m doing this again, this is my script’. Whereas at the beginning, you know, when people aren’t even aware of their scripts, I imagine it takes them a little bit… well it depends on the person I guess, right? How much time it would take them to start to see and to start to implement I guess the tools that you give them, right? Corrina: Absolutely, yes, you’re completely spot on. When you get triggered And you know, now I’m at the point where I get triggered and it could be like anything, right? It could be I’m on Facebook and I see a message from someone and I feel like ‘oh they should have, you know, complimented me rather than give me negative feedback on something’. Right? Instantly, ‘oh! OK, there’s a trigger! A button’s gotten pushed’. And now I’m at the point where I’m like ‘Oooh, good, what’s here for me?’ Me: I do the same thing, that’s really funny! Yeah, I had something that happened the other day that made me so angry and then I’m like ‘OK if this is making me this angry and, you know, the other 30 people in the room are not angry, they actually think it’s quite cute…’ (laughs) We all get triggered, even by 8-year old authors I’ll tell you what it was, it was quite funny. I was at this day workshop with an amazing speaker and there was this little girl, she’s like 8 years old and she’s written a book. Actually she’s written 3 books, right? Corrina: Wow! Me: And it made me so annoyed! And I just thought…you know, not only envious, obviously envious, you know, 3 books at age 8, but also annoyed because, you know, her mom was there and I knew what it was. It brought up all the old scripts of, you know, stage mothers because I did theater before and so I had a good friend who had a stage mother who was just absolutely unbearable whereas, you know, my mom was the opposite. So I see what you mean, you get these reactions, right, that are completely irrational because the people around me were applauding her and they were like ‘oh isn’t that wonderful’ and I was like inside going ‘this is making me so angry!’ But we all get triggered, don’t we, right? Examples of tiny triggers Corrina: Oh, everyone. And it could be like the tiniest thing, that’s what I always find fascinating. It could be just one line in an email. Or it could be just the way that your partner, you know, turns over in their sleep, just the tiniest little things. Often my clients say to me “Oh, you know, I can’t bring this to you today, it’s just so small” and I’m like “No, no, that’s exactly what to bring!”. The fact that he put tofu in the stir fry rather than kidney beans, you know. There was something, there was some offense against you. So there you are with that 8 year old girl, that offense that she’s committing against you in that moment that’s kind of violating something is like, you know, ‘she’s further ahead than me’ or ‘she’s achieved one of my life goals’ or, you know… Me: Yeah, and she’s 8 and I’m 55! Corrina: And she’s 8! It’s just to be so compassionate with ourselves that ‘oh look, there’s this part of me that feels in some way threatened or violated or hurt by this, let me just so lovingly look there and heal that part of myself’. Being compassionate with yourself Me: Ah, yeah, that’s a really key point there that you brought up so I just wanted to emphasize it, yeah. That being compassionate with that part of ourselves, right? Rather than being like, OK, you know, with that kind of…what’s the word, forced smile on our faces, going ‘Ah, another beautiful part of me to transform’, you know (laughs), right? Right? And we can be quite hard on ourselves with that, right, and be like ‘OK what’s at the bottom of this!’ and take a kind of like pickaxe to it. At least that’s what I would do or could do rather than choosing to as you say, acknowledge with love that part of ourselves and treat it as part of, you know, part of the inner child or whatever you want to call it, that needs love and compassion. That’s a really interesting point that we don’t want to forget. Wow! That’s very cool. How to work with Corrina So when you work with people, I would love to hear just a bit more about what the different ways are that you…Do people come to see you in an office, or do you do things online, or how does that work? Corrina: Yes, so right now it’s one to one. There’s a potential of me offering something else in the kind of group workshop, retreat way, but not for now. What I do is I do free videos, everyone can just watch a free video every week, all about relationship hotspots and how to move past them, and then if people feel inspired and really like they’re wanting that support, they can have the one to one coaching. And for now that is by Skype or by phone, and I’m just starting to also offer that in person as well for people who I’m unable to physically meet with. Me: Yeah. That’s really fantastic, well thank you so much. What I’ll do is, I’ll link to everything that you do in the show notes but where’s the best place for people to look online to find out more about what you’re doing and more about you and to get access to the videos and things? An online video library…and a 7 Day Relationship Challenge Corrina: Yeah, so if they go to corrinagordonbarnes.com, I’ll just spell that out, and if you go to the blog page that’s where I’ve got all the videos and articles that have happened so far. So that’s a really good place just to go, it’s like settling into a library of relationship wisdom and gems, just settling in and watching some of the videos and just seeing if the approach makes sense to you. The right people for this work are people who watch a video and go ‘oh my gosh, that makes so much sense!’ And they apply that tip that I’m sharing and they come back and they say “Wow I had this incredible experience with my mom! Because I did the thing that you…” I do like challenges in the video so they’re like “I did the challenge that you set and I had a completely different experience with my mom this week, thank you!” Me: That’s brilliant! Corrina: It’s so good, it’s so satisfying. So on the blog page that’s where people can look at all the videos so far. And on the homepage people can sign up for the free 7 Day Relationship Challenge. 7 days to feel more connected Me: That sounds intriguing for sure! Corrina: Yes! It’s 7 days to feel more connected, that’s the overarching focus. How can you feel more connected? That beautiful feeling of just wholehearted connection with the person in front of you, and I give a number of challenges that you can actually implement to help you feel that way. Me: That is really fantastic! Well, I mean yeah, because as you say, we’re all starving for connection and I mean, we could do a whole episode just about the different ways people connect, right? Through food and smoking and alcohol, and, you know, apart from people, right? Corrina: Facebook! Me: Facebook! There’s so many…it’s a massive, massive topic but…so I wish we had more time! But thank you so much for being here to share your story, because I love your story and I love your journey and I really, really love what you’re doing right now, so I’m really grateful that you took the time to share that with us, so thank you so much! Corrina: You’re very welcome, thank you so much! A food to help with travel sickness So now I mentioned at the beginning of this episode that I’d share with you one of the best foods you can eat for help with travel sickness. And I think it will come as no surprise for most of you anyway to hear that that food is…ginger! Ginger has so many benefits it’s ridiculous. Not only can it help with travel sickness, but it’s also beneficial for other causes of nausea, like morning sickness, and it can help with pain relief as well. Why ginger is so helpful So this powerful little root contains loads of antioxidant and antiinflammatory compounds, including curcumin and capsaicin which are also found in turmeric which is another superfood. They’re part of the same plant family, turmeric, ginger and cardamom. Ginger also contains a ton of vitamins and minerals, including calcium, potassium, magnesium, phosphorus, niacin, iron, zinc and folate. A big list, right? And ginger is a great way to warm us up, because it’s a diaphoretic (that was my new word for today), which means that it heats the body from the inside out. So if you live in a cold climate for example, ginger can literally help warm you up inside. It also helps promote sweating, which is why it’s so good to have ginger tea if you’ve got a cold and you need to sweat out some toxins. Ginger even helps with pain relief But did you know that ginger can also help with pain relief? Two examples are exercise-induced muscle pain (so if you work out, eat some ginger), as well as menstrual cramps. So the next time you’re feeling crampy (I don’t know if that’s a word but I’ve just decided it is!), make yourself some strong ginger tea and see how you feel. Ginger can also help reduce inflammation, so scientists are looking to see if it can help with cancer, and particularly colon cancer. Ginger also is showing promise for helping treat that as well as inflammation caused by osteoarthritis. I’ll link to an article in the show notes that has more information about ginger’s many properties and benefits, it also includes links to the actual research in case you’d like to know more about that. And in addition I’ll link to an article that has some overall tips for avoiding travel sickness, including using ginger. So how do you eat ginger? If you need help with travel sickness and you want instant relief, well, you can definitely try peeling the root and gnawing on a piece…although I haven’t done that myself. Ginger’s pretty strong stuff. What I do is I usually juice a small piece of ginger with some carrots and apples for a really zinging morning juice. It tastes really, really good. Or you can pop a piece into your blender with other veggies and maybe some fruit for a green smoothie or a soup to give it a bit of a zing. It also helps you use less salt because it’s got a really strong flavor. Other people prefer to slice a few pieces into some very hot water and let it steep for a while with a slice or two of lemon to make ginger tea. And you can also grate ginger into soups, curries and other savory dishes. Or even just chop it finely and use it in stir-frys. I’ll link in the show notes to some recipes that I’ve got in my 5-Minute Mains recipe ebook that use ginger too, such as my Green Thai Curry. One thing for sure that I definitely recommend is that you use fresh ginger root wherever possible, rather than powdered ginger or capsules. I say that because the fresh vegetable is so easy to use and it’s always best I think to have the actual vegetable rather than some dried out version in a plastic capsule. But then again if capsules are all you have access to, better that than no ginger! If you do try something new with ginger, or something else that you feel can help with travel sickness, definitely share in the comments because I want to know! Have YOU got a story to share? Which brings us to the end of this week’s story – and if you’ve got a true story to share (and you’d like to know what food could have saved the day in your situation), I’d love to hear from you! Got a question, or a comment? Got a question, or a comment? Pop a note below in the comments, that would be awesome. You can also subscribe to the podcast to listen ‘on the go’ in iTunes. I hope you have an amazing day. Thank you so much for being here with me to share in my Clean Food, Dirty Stories. Bye for now! RESOURCES Link to 5-Minute Mains and other recipe ebooks: Article with nutritional information on ginger as well as links to scientific studies: Article with general tips to help with travel sickness: Corrina Gordon-Barnes is a Relationship Coach who’s committed to a world of happy couples and happy families. She teaches her clients how to be really good at relationships – how to love full-heartedly, let go of resentments, forgive, accept and live from power not victimhood. She lives in Cambridge, England with her wife, Sam.You can find Corrina at her website, on Twitter, Facebook and YouTube. Source link

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Corrina Gordon-Barnes’ journey from dating guys to finding a wife…thanks to travel sickness! And of course the best food to help with travel sickness (in case you’ve already found your partner…) In addition to this story, at the end of this episode I’ll share with you the best food for travel sickness (in case you’ve already found your wife or partner). OK enough hints from me, let’s get on with the story. Our guest, Corrina Gordon-Barnes I am super excited to be joined here today for our story by Corrina Gordon-Barnes. Corrina is a Relationship Coach who’s committed to a world of happy couples and happy families. She teaches her clients how to be really good at relationships. So Corrina, welcome to the Clean Food, Dirty Stories podcast! I’m really excited to have you here today! Corrina: Thank you so much for inviting me to connect with you. Me: Oh well you’re so welcome! I love your story and I really can’t wait for us to share it with everybody. Corrina’s story, starting with being boy mad Me: Without further ado, the first question I wanted to ask you…and I’ve said a little bit about what you do now, but when you were small, or younger, how did you see your dream relationship one day? Did you have princess dreams or did you have a particular type of partner in mind before you actually met your life partner? Corrina: Well, I was boy mad. Me: Boy mad! Corrina: Boy mad, like going through my primary school years, I remember that I was the one in my class who learned about sex really early. I was the one who would get all these teenage magazines, even as a late primary school age kid, and I would be teaching my friends at school. “You can get pregnant the first time you have sex” and “be careful with your boyfriend”. Me: Oh my god! A relationship expert…in primary school Corrina: I was like this relationship expert, even at that age I was teaching my friends. Like “these are all the myths, don’t do this, do this” and so I was kind of boy mad, I was relationship mad. Getting into my teens I remember with my friends we would literally kind of go out prowling the streets. We would walk along the high street in my town where I lived and we would be looking for boys and we would be kind of flirting and coy. There was always some boy that I had my eye on. Always some guy who had my attention, I would try and make sure I was in the same place as him so that he would see me… Me: Sounds familiar, yeah. So I was definitely, I definitely wanted boys. That was very clear to me. Me: And you got engaged to a boy at one stage, right? Corrina: Yeah, so I had one really long term relationship before I met who is now my partner, and we got engaged at age 17. Me: Wow! We were gonna get married and we were gonna have all these babies and we were gonna live in this particular kind of house and have this life… That was the path that I thought I was on at that age. Me: So then what happened to take you off that path? The path to self-discovery Corrina: Well that relationship was not the right one, and so that ended 4 years later and I stayed then single for quite a while. You know, I was really wanting to find myself. So I went on this whole spiritual, personal growth journey. I read every book I could get, I did meditation, I went vegan… It had this whole kind of personal growth change in my life. Me: What do you think prompted that? Was it the end of that relationship that prompted that? I mean, what were your thoughts? Were you just like ‘Oh I think I need to take care of myself more’ or become a different person, or…? Corrina: I was in Australia and I was just there travelling for a year. And I met this guy – surprisingly enough – in a cafe. He just said “Hey I go to this meditation course down the road, why don’t you come along”. And so I went and that very first moment, that very first time in the room with that meditation teacher, she told me that I was a spiritual being. She said to me – to the whole group but I really heard this – “You are a spirit soul having this human experience, but you are a spiritual being”. It was like someone had just told me who I was. Like “oh my gosh, that’s who I am, this human life is how I get to journey and explore and have an adventure, but I’m a spiritual being”. The layers (or the clothes) fall away Me: So did you have that as like an inner knowing, or how did you experience it? Because people experience those things in different ways, right? Some people experience a physical sensation of light, other people experience it as just an inner sense of knowing… Corrina: It was like all my clothes fell off. Me: (laughs) Um…I haven’t heard that one before! Corrina: It was like this casing, this casing just fell off. I literally woke up the next morning and I was vegan, I went from a complete meat eater to being vegan overnight just like that. And I was just on this journey then to just explore and discover myself and get back to the essential nature of my being. It was like everything that wasn’t true about me just kind of fell away over the coming months. Me: Wow. That’s very cool! Corrina: Yeah, it was pretty cool, I felt much lighter, it was like clothes coming off. I was just light, I was much, much lighter, much more energized, much freer, much more joyful. Me: It’s interesting that you say that for you, all your clothes coming off, like some people might associate that with being exposed, right? Being vulnerable. And for you, you associate that with being light. So that’s really interesting. Corrina: And just free. I remember in Australia, those kind of days, weeks after that moment. It was like I was floating along the streets. I was so free, I was feeling so connected with people, like I had just woken up. On to Cambridge University…and a fated bus trip Me: Yeah. Wow! And so how did you get from there to Cambridge University? Corrina: Yeah, so I decided that I wanted to do teacher training so I came to Cambridge University and signed up for the English and Drama teacher training course here. And on that very first day in class, they sat me next to this woman called Sam. There was something about her that just immediately kind of, like something just…a light bulb went off or something just happened. It was like ‘Huh, she’s just come on my radar really strongly, why am I paying attention to her so much?’ So she was really in my awareness and we were both in the same school together so we were both placed to do our teacher practice in the same school. And on the first day of teaching practice, I got onto the bus that would take us to our practice school and I got on and she was sitting in the front seat. Now I always need to sit in the front seat in a bus because I get travel sick. So I just went over to her…I’d already clocked her as someone who was on my radar, and I just said “Oh, are you OK if I join you in the front seat?” And she said “Yeah sure, I have to sit here because I get travel sick” and I said “Oh me too!” So we sat side by side and over the months to come we became best friends. Just absolutely clicked, became best friends, incredible support through the whole teaching practice. A brave declaration Me: And was there any like physical attraction at that stage? Or did that come later? Corrina: Immediately! Immediately, I was like ‘Huh! What is this woman doing to me, what is this, what is happening here? I just feel energized around her, she lights me up, I feel excited, I feel like the world is just kind of shinier…’ Me: Wow! Corrina: Everything just felt brighter and more energized. Me: It sounds like a good, a good…I don’t know, I mean, I’ve never like taken acid or anything but (laughs) it sounds like, you know, a positive drug experience without the drugs, right? Corrina: (laughs) Totally! Totally, a kind of ‘switch-on, turn-on, I’m awake, I’m alive, oh my gosh, who are you’ kind of thing. Me: Was it the same for her as well? Corrina: Well what was so funny was that over the months that then came, was that I basically told her (laughs). I just said “Basically I’ve realized that I’m just completely in love with you. Do you feel that too?” Me: Wow! That was so brave of you cause you were friends at that stage, right? Like best friends, you don’t want to wreck your relationship with your best friend by taking the risk but you did! Corrina: I just did! And that’s kind of, you know, the kind of continuity of the whole spiritual journey for me of just like I’m free. You know, I’m free. If I feel this thing, I have to follow my heart. I have to just blurt out like “I’m in love with you, I don’t know if you feel the same way”. And to start out with, it wasn’t something that she let herself feel straight away. Determined and keeping faith Me: So what did she say when you said this? When you blurted this out? Corrina: She said “You know, I feel really connected with you, I love you a lot as a friend, but it’s not romantic for me”. Me: And how did that make you feel? Corrina: Oh, heartbroken. Absolutely heartbroken. But also there was something… it was almost like inside I was going ‘You just wait!’ (laughs) ‘You just wait. I know that you’re the one for me, I’ll just be patient, I’ll just hang on’. Me: Oh wow! Other people though could have had quite a different reaction, right? I mean some people might have, I imagine anyway, some people might have just, you know, stayed in the heartbroken phase and then just walked away, right? And lost it. Corrina: No, I believed, I really had faith that this… There was a reason I was feeling this way, I couldn’t ignore it, I couldn’t shake it, I just kept believing in it and stayed consistently just loving her and being a good friend in the months where… You know, it took 3 months basically of us staying friends and me just loving her, and loving her, and loving her. And then just after Christmas we got together as a couple. And just before Christmas… Me: And what happened? So how did that happen? Like you’re friends, it’s been like you know 3 months, she knows how you feel, did she just all of a sudden like make a move? Or did she say something to you? Corrina: Well, I made the move. Again. Me: (laughs) Oh my god! So it’s like ‘OK I’ve already been kind of rejected once, let me have another go’. Right? Corrina: Exactly! (laughs) Or a few gos! So there was that initial conversation and then there was another conversation where I basically said – this was just before Christmas – I basically said “Are you sure?” Me: Oh my god! Corrina: “I still feel this thing…” and she again was like “No really, we’re just friends”. So that was the second time and then third time lucky! I just made a move and I thought ‘You know what? I’m just gonna take a risk again, I’m just gonna be bold. What’s the worst that can happen? Rejection, right? What’s the best that can happen? I can be with the love of my life’. Me: Oh my god – yeah but that was still just so…Right, OK. That was still just so brave. Once is already like super brave, right? Braver than most people. Twice is like oh my god, you know, three times you start to think OK, hmmm… Corrina: Yeah, and it worked! (laughs) Third time lucky and it was just after Christmas and that was now 13 years ago – 14 years ago. What was she thinking? Me: And so what did she, like…You made the move and what did she then say? Was she like ‘oh I didn’t know until you touched me’ or was she like ‘oh I realized it at the same time as you’ or was she… Corrina: I think it was less of a thought thing. It was just, you know, when it happened then it just felt right. Like ‘oh this is where I was meant to be, OK, got it’. Me: And that’s what she felt too? Was that how she verbalised it to you? Corrina: Well and to give her credit here, so she’s gay and I’m bi, right? So for a gay woman, if a bisexual woman says ‘I’m in love with you’, there’s gonna be a sense of ‘hmm, OK maybe you’re just trying this out, maybe actually this is just a kind of short-term thing for you and really you’re gonna want to be with guys’ Me: Yeah, I’ve heard that, yeah. Proving her love Corrina: So it’s a real credit for her that for those months she was, you know, guarding her heart for that, because you don’t know what’s gonna happen, if that person declaring their love for you is gonna be constant. So I had to kind of prove that actually I meant it. When I said I loved her, I meant it and I was gonna be in it for the long haul. Me: So do you think that a part of her was not testing you, but kind of like unconsciously perhaps waiting? You know? Corrina: Yeah. Me: Oh OK, that makes a lot more sense. Cause in my mind I was imagining somebody who, you know, was neither gay nor bi and who maybe had, I don’t know, only gone out with guys or something and so then for somebody like that it would be much more of a 180, right? Corrina: Yeah, no she’s gay through and through. Me: Well, fortunately for you as it turns out, right? (laughs) The human being behind the coverings Corrina: Well that’s the thing for me as a bisexual woman. For me it’s not about the fact that I like men and women, it’s the fact that I like people and the gender is just irrelevant. And that’s kind of part of what happened in that spiritual awakening moment in Australia. It was like all of the coverings, you know, whether it’s our bodies or our personalities or any of that is kind of what covers the essence of us. And actually for me the essence of someone doesn’t have a gender. So I fell in love with her like I might have thought or indeed fell in love with guys in the past because I just fall in love with the person, you know, that essence of the human beings behind all the trappings. Me: That’s amazing because I feel the same way. It’s kind of weird how that works, right? It’s kind of like yeah, you feel the essence of the person. Seeing into the soul I mean I even had one guy say to me – this was like in a totally different context and we did not get together in the end but I do remember him saying to me at one point, I mean he wasn’t the right person for me but he was kind of freaked out at one stage. Because he was like “It’s like you want my soul!” and I was saying “It’s not that I want your soul, it’s that I see it!” I believe that I see it, right? And I think that you know, some people… I mean, credit to Sam as well because she’s obviously a really strong person too in that, you know, some people would be freaked out by that, right? Some people would be like ‘oh well…it’s the real me here that’s being…I don’t know if I want to say exposed but seen, right? Some people…we use those trappings to cover stuff up, right? As we all know, so…That brings a level of intimacy that’s probably quite cool I would imagine, right? Corrina: Yeah, and you know, don’t get me wrong, I love that she’s a woman as well. I love her long hair and her soft skin and her blue eyes, all the things that make her a woman as well I love. So it’s not like I don’t see those things, but that was never gonna be a filter, like I would only go for… The spectrum of sexuality Me: Yeah. I mean it’s really interesting because I…for me, I’m sure, I would imagine perhaps for you as well, I see the whole homosexual/heterosexual thing as this big spectrum and I have a really good friend who…Well I do playback theater and one of my friends, she’s in a playback theater troupe where they’re all either bi or gay or whatever, and then we did a workshop at one point. They were inviting guest playbackers to go. And one of the exercises they did that was…I just thought it was really cool. They said ‘put yourself…if stage left is like totally 100 percent gay and stage right is totally 100 percent heterosexual, put yourself on the spectrum, place yourself physically where you think you are’. It was really cool to see people, you know, all along the stage, all at different points. I just thought that was very normal, right? Because we’re all…for me, anyway, in my mind we’re all spiritual beings and so as you say, there’s no gender there, right? Corrina: And for some people there are. You know, that’s the thing, people who are that kind of 100 percent on the spectrum, brilliant, they’re really clear that they only want people of the opposite or the same sex. Yes, spectrum is beautiful. What Corrina does now Me: Yeah, wow! So now I really want to know more then about how… (laughs)…how you went from, well, what you do now to help people with their relationships. Because obviously you have a lot more knowledge than when you were in primary school and I know you’re helping people with a lot more than how to not get unwanted pregnancies and things! (laughs) Corrina: (laughs) Absolutely! Me: So what do you do now with people and how do you help them have these beautiful, deep relationships? Corrina: Yeah, and my work is around all relationships that are important. So it’s…my clients, some of them it’s really about their partner relationship but for others it’s about their relationship with their mom or their daughter or their brother. For me, connection…it’s a kind of cliche but connection is what we’re hard wired for. We as human beings love to connect, we love to love people with our full hearts. But there are so many things that stop that from happening within us. We get resentful, we get frustrated, we get disappointed, we feel let down, we feel indignant, all of this. And I over the course of my own personal journey have found a very, very miraculous way of dealing with all those blocks. So it’s the process of questioning your thoughts, questioning your stories, that block connection. An example of our made-up stories So let’s say I’m with Sam and let’s say she’s saying something that sounds critical. My story in my head goes, ‘she’s criticizing me, she doesn’t love me, she’s being mean to me’. You know, ‘I want her to be kind, I want her not to point out my flaws’, all of that. That is all story. It’s all mental. It’s all… Me: Yes! It’s all made up. Corrina: It’s all made up! And we don’t realize it, we think, ‘no but this is true, she’s criticizing me, this is what’s happening’. And so what I am so blessed to have come into contact with a number of years ago is the process of questioning those thoughts. Just sitting with those thoughts and asking them, ‘Is this true? Is this accurate, is this the correct interpretation of what’s going on?’ Not just is it true that that’s what’s going on, but is it true that I would be better off if it were happening differently? Me: OK… Corrina: Like am I sure? So let’s say your loved one is truly critizing you. They’re saying to you “you’re a stupid, ugly, whatever, whatever”. Can I be sure that my happiness depends on them not saying that? Can I be sure that I can only feel good about myself and peaceful if they stop doing that? Because it sets up a very limited version of life if I’m always waiting for someone else to give me something, to give me what I think I need in order to be peaceful and happy. It’s like I delay my peace and my happiness until other people and other circumstances arrange themselves in just the right way. Our rules…and our scripts Me: Yeah, it’s like our rules, right? Where we all have these rules about what has to happen for us to be happy and the more…the easier it is to be happy, then the happier we are, right? Corrina: Exactly, exactly. I talk about our scripts. It’s like, I realized pretty early on with Sam that I had a script, that if she followed this script and she said and she did exactly what I, you know, expected her to do then I would feel happy, but if she went off script then I wouldn’t be happy, I’d be pissed off. She really helped me see this, she said to me one day “Why don’t you just give me your fucking script Corrina! Give me your script, tell me what I need to do”. And I was like “How dare you! This is just what you’re meant to do, you’re my wife, this is how you’re meant to treat me”. Then it kind of dawned on me a few days later, like ‘oh my gosh, my script is the source of all of my unhappiness. Every moment that I want her to be doing something other than what’s reality, I am causing my own unhappiness’. Corrina’s ‘big work’ Me: Right. So then your relationship was, I guess, far from…I don’t want to say far from idyllic, but you had to work through some of this stuff in your relationship with Sam? Corrina: One hundred percent. I wouldn’t be doing this work if I hadn’t had to…if this hadn’t been my big work. You know, so yes like I was completely besotted with her in the beginning, and we got together and it was blissful, and then all my stories started to kick in. ‘Hmmm, well she’s not this’ and ‘hmmm, she said that and that’s not OK’ and ‘would I be better off with someone who did this’ and you know, all those stories eroded what I had imagined would be this perfect relationship. So it’s like I had to work on that, I had to take those stories and stop those stories from sabotaging this beautiful relationship that we had underneath all those stories. Me: Yeah. It’s good that you managed to do that, thank goodness, right? Corrina: I mean, it saved my marriage. It saved my relationship. A daily practice Me: And did it take a long time? Corrina: Yeah, it’s a daily practice. It really is a daily practice, it’s like if you want to be fit, like you’ve done today (laughs), you go to the gym, you go for a run, you do your yoga. You don’t just be like ‘oh I’ll do it one time and then it’s done’. If you want a healthy, thriving, fit relationship with anybody, whether it’s your son or your dad or your sister, there’s daily practice to do. There’s daily work to do every time you get triggered, every time something gets in the way of you being totally, wholeheartedly connected with the human being in front of you, you’ve got something to look at there. Me: Yeah, but at least you can…I mean, what am I trying to say, there comes a time when you catch yourself, right? At least, you know, having done a certain amount of work, then you can get to the point where you see what’s happening, right? As an observer almost and you can go ‘OK hang on, I’m doing this again, this is my script’. Whereas at the beginning, you know, when people aren’t even aware of their scripts, I imagine it takes them a little bit… well it depends on the person I guess, right? How much time it would take them to start to see and to start to implement I guess the tools that you give them, right? Corrina: Absolutely, yes, you’re completely spot on. When you get triggered And you know, now I’m at the point where I get triggered and it could be like anything, right? It could be I’m on Facebook and I see a message from someone and I feel like ‘oh they should have, you know, complimented me rather than give me negative feedback on something’. Right? Instantly, ‘oh! OK, there’s a trigger! A button’s gotten pushed’. And now I’m at the point where I’m like ‘Oooh, good, what’s here for me?’ Me: I do the same thing, that’s really funny! Yeah, I had something that happened the other day that made me so angry and then I’m like ‘OK if this is making me this angry and, you know, the other 30 people in the room are not angry, they actually think it’s quite cute…’ (laughs) We all get triggered, even by 8-year old authors I’ll tell you what it was, it was quite funny. I was at this day workshop with an amazing speaker and there was this little girl, she’s like 8 years old and she’s written a book. Actually she’s written 3 books, right? Corrina: Wow! Me: And it made me so annoyed! And I just thought…you know, not only envious, obviously envious, you know, 3 books at age 8, but also annoyed because, you know, her mom was there and I knew what it was. It brought up all the old scripts of, you know, stage mothers because I did theater before and so I had a good friend who had a stage mother who was just absolutely unbearable whereas, you know, my mom was the opposite. So I see what you mean, you get these reactions, right, that are completely irrational because the people around me were applauding her and they were like ‘oh isn’t that wonderful’ and I was like inside going ‘this is making me so angry!’ But we all get triggered, don’t we, right? Examples of tiny triggers Corrina: Oh, everyone. And it could be like the tiniest thing, that’s what I always find fascinating. It could be just one line in an email. Or it could be just the way that your partner, you know, turns over in their sleep, just the tiniest little things. Often my clients say to me “Oh, you know, I can’t bring this to you today, it’s just so small” and I’m like “No, no, that’s exactly what to bring!”. The fact that he put tofu in the stir fry rather than kidney beans, you know. There was something, there was some offense against you. So there you are with that 8 year old girl, that offense that she’s committing against you in that moment that’s kind of violating something is like, you know, ‘she’s further ahead than me’ or ‘she’s achieved one of my life goals’ or, you know… Me: Yeah, and she’s 8 and I’m 55! Corrina: And she’s 8! It’s just to be so compassionate with ourselves that ‘oh look, there’s this part of me that feels in some way threatened or violated or hurt by this, let me just so lovingly look there and heal that part of myself’. Being compassionate with yourself Me: Ah, yeah, that’s a really key point there that you brought up so I just wanted to emphasize it, yeah. That being compassionate with that part of ourselves, right? Rather than being like, OK, you know, with that kind of…what’s the word, forced smile on our faces, going ‘Ah, another beautiful part of me to transform’, you know (laughs), right? Right? And we can be quite hard on ourselves with that, right, and be like ‘OK what’s at the bottom of this!’ and take a kind of like pickaxe to it. At least that’s what I would do or could do rather than choosing to as you say, acknowledge with love that part of ourselves and treat it as part of, you know, part of the inner child or whatever you want to call it, that needs love and compassion. That’s a really interesting point that we don’t want to forget. Wow! That’s very cool. How to work with Corrina So when you work with people, I would love to hear just a bit more about what the different ways are that you…Do people come to see you in an office, or do you do things online, or how does that work? Corrina: Yes, so right now it’s one to one. There’s a potential of me offering something else in the kind of group workshop, retreat way, but not for now. What I do is I do free videos, everyone can just watch a free video every week, all about relationship hotspots and how to move past them, and then if people feel inspired and really like they’re wanting that support, they can have the one to one coaching. And for now that is by Skype or by phone, and I’m just starting to also offer that in person as well for people who I’m unable to physically meet with. Me: Yeah. That’s really fantastic, well thank you so much. What I’ll do is, I’ll link to everything that you do in the show notes but where’s the best place for people to look online to find out more about what you’re doing and more about you and to get access to the videos and things? An online video library…and a 7 Day Relationship Challenge Corrina: Yeah, so if they go to corrinagordonbarnes.com, I’ll just spell that out, and if you go to the blog page that’s where I’ve got all the videos and articles that have happened so far. So that’s a really good place just to go, it’s like settling into a library of relationship wisdom and gems, just settling in and watching some of the videos and just seeing if the approach makes sense to you. The right people for this work are people who watch a video and go ‘oh my gosh, that makes so much sense!’ And they apply that tip that I’m sharing and they come back and they say “Wow I had this incredible experience with my mom! Because I did the thing that you…” I do like challenges in the video so they’re like “I did the challenge that you set and I had a completely different experience with my mom this week, thank you!” Me: That’s brilliant! Corrina: It’s so good, it’s so satisfying. So on the blog page that’s where people can look at all the videos so far. And on the homepage people can sign up for the free 7 Day Relationship Challenge. 7 days to feel more connected Me: That sounds intriguing for sure! Corrina: Yes! It’s 7 days to feel more connected, that’s the overarching focus. How can you feel more connected? That beautiful feeling of just wholehearted connection with the person in front of you, and I give a number of challenges that you can actually implement to help you feel that way. Me: That is really fantastic! Well, I mean yeah, because as you say, we’re all starving for connection and I mean, we could do a whole episode just about the different ways people connect, right? Through food and smoking and alcohol, and, you know, apart from people, right? Corrina: Facebook! Me: Facebook! There’s so many…it’s a massive, massive topic but…so I wish we had more time! But thank you so much for being here to share your story, because I love your story and I love your journey and I really, really love what you’re doing right now, so I’m really grateful that you took the time to share that with us, so thank you so much! Corrina: You’re very welcome, thank you so much! A food to help with travel sickness So now I mentioned at the beginning of this episode that I’d share with you one of the best foods you can eat for help with travel sickness. And I think it will come as no surprise for most of you anyway to hear that that food is…ginger! Ginger has so many benefits it’s ridiculous. Not only can it help with travel sickness, but it’s also beneficial for other causes of nausea, like morning sickness, and it can help with pain relief as well. Why ginger is so helpful So this powerful little root contains loads of antioxidant and antiinflammatory compounds, including curcumin and capsaicin which are also found in turmeric which is another superfood. They’re part of the same plant family, turmeric, ginger and cardamom. Ginger also contains a ton of vitamins and minerals, including calcium, potassium, magnesium, phosphorus, niacin, iron, zinc and folate. A big list, right? And ginger is a great way to warm us up, because it’s a diaphoretic (that was my new word for today), which means that it heats the body from the inside out. So if you live in a cold climate for example, ginger can literally help warm you up inside. It also helps promote sweating, which is why it’s so good to have ginger tea if you’ve got a cold and you need to sweat out some toxins. Ginger even helps with pain relief But did you know that ginger can also help with pain relief? Two examples are exercise-induced muscle pain (so if you work out, eat some ginger), as well as menstrual cramps. So the next time you’re feeling crampy (I don’t know if that’s a word but I’ve just decided it is!), make yourself some strong ginger tea and see how you feel. Ginger can also help reduce inflammation, so scientists are looking to see if it can help with cancer, and particularly colon cancer. Ginger also is showing promise for helping treat that as well as inflammation caused by osteoarthritis. I’ll link to an article in the show notes that has more information about ginger’s many properties and benefits, it also includes links to the actual research in case you’d like to know more about that. And in addition I’ll link to an article that has some overall tips for avoiding travel sickness, including using ginger. So how do you eat ginger? If you need help with travel sickness and you want instant relief, well, you can definitely try peeling the root and gnawing on a piece…although I haven’t done that myself. Ginger’s pretty strong stuff. What I do is I usually juice a small piece of ginger with some carrots and apples for a really zinging morning juice. It tastes really, really good. Or you can pop a piece into your blender with other veggies and maybe some fruit for a green smoothie or a soup to give it a bit of a zing. It also helps you use less salt because it’s got a really strong flavor. Other people prefer to slice a few pieces into some very hot water and let it steep for a while with a slice or two of lemon to make ginger tea. And you can also grate ginger into soups, curries and other savory dishes. Or even just chop it finely and use it in stir-frys. I’ll link in the show notes to some recipes that I’ve got in my 5-Minute Mains recipe ebook that use ginger too, such as my Green Thai Curry. One thing for sure that I definitely recommend is that you use fresh ginger root wherever possible, rather than powdered ginger or capsules. I say that because the fresh vegetable is so easy to use and it’s always best I think to have the actual vegetable rather than some dried out version in a plastic capsule. But then again if capsules are all you have access to, better that than no ginger! If you do try something new with ginger, or something else that you feel can help with travel sickness, definitely share in the comments because I want to know! Have YOU got a story to share? Which brings us to the end of this week’s story – and if you’ve got a true story to share (and you’d like to know what food could have saved the day in your situation), I’d love to hear from you! Got a question, or a comment? Got a question, or a comment? Pop a note below in the comments, that would be awesome. You can also subscribe to the podcast to listen ‘on the go’ in iTunes. I hope you have an amazing day. Thank you so much for being here with me to share in my Clean Food, Dirty Stories. Bye for now! RESOURCES Link to 5-Minute Mains and other recipe ebooks: Article with nutritional information on ginger as well as links to scientific studies: Article with general tips to help with travel sickness: Corrina Gordon-Barnes is a Relationship Coach who’s committed to a world of happy couples and happy families. She teaches her clients how to be really good at relationships – how to love full-heartedly, let go of resentments, forgive, accept and live from power not victimhood. She lives in Cambridge, England with her wife, Sam.You can find Corrina at her website, on Twitter, Facebook and YouTube. Source link

[iamownerofme]

Corrina Gordon-Barnes’ journey from dating guys to finding a wife…thanks to travel sickness! And of course the best food to help with travel sickness (in case you’ve already found your partner…) In addition to this story, at the end of this episode I’ll share with you the best food for travel sickness (in case you’ve already found your wife or partner). OK enough hints from me, let’s get on with the story. Our guest, Corrina Gordon-Barnes I am super excited to be joined here today for our story by Corrina Gordon-Barnes. Corrina is a Relationship Coach who’s committed to a world of happy couples and happy families. She teaches her clients how to be really good at relationships. So Corrina, welcome to the Clean Food, Dirty Stories podcast! I’m really excited to have you here today! Corrina: Thank you so much for inviting me to connect with you. Me: Oh well you’re so welcome! I love your story and I really can’t wait for us to share it with everybody. Corrina’s story, starting with being boy mad Me: Without further ado, the first question I wanted to ask you…and I��ve said a little bit about what you do now, but when you were small, or younger, how did you see your dream relationship one day? Did you have princess dreams or did you have a particular type of partner in mind before you actually met your life partner? Corrina: Well, I was boy mad. Me: Boy mad! Corrina: Boy mad, like going through my primary school years, I remember that I was the one in my class who learned about sex really early. I was the one who would get all these teenage magazines, even as a late primary school age kid, and I would be teaching my friends at school. “You can get pregnant the first time you have sex” and “be careful with your boyfriend”. Me: Oh my god! A relationship expert…in primary school Corrina: I was like this relationship expert, even at that age I was teaching my friends. Like “these are all the myths, don’t do this, do this” and so I was kind of boy mad, I was relationship mad. Getting into my teens I remember with my friends we would literally kind of go out prowling the streets. We would walk along the high street in my town where I lived and we would be looking for boys and we would be kind of flirting and coy. There was always some boy that I had my eye on. Always some guy who had my attention, I would try and make sure I was in the same place as him so that he would see me… Me: Sounds familiar, yeah. So I was definitely, I definitely wanted boys. That was very clear to me. Me: And you got engaged to a boy at one stage, right? Corrina: Yeah, so I had one really long term relationship before I met who is now my partner, and we got engaged at age 17. Me: Wow! We were gonna get married and we were gonna have all these babies and we were gonna live in this particular kind of house and have this life… That was the path that I thought I was on at that age. Me: So then what happened to take you off that path? The path to self-discovery Corrina: Well that relationship was not the right one, and so that ended 4 years later and I stayed then single for quite a while. You know, I was really wanting to find myself. So I went on this whole spiritual, personal growth journey. I read every book I could get, I did meditation, I went vegan… It had this whole kind of personal growth change in my life. Me: What do you think prompted that? Was it the end of that relationship that prompted that? I mean, what were your thoughts? Were you just like ‘Oh I think I need to take care of myself more’ or become a different person, or…? Corrina: I was in Australia and I was just there travelling for a year. And I met this guy – surprisingly enough – in a cafe. He just said “Hey I go to this meditation course down the road, why don’t you come along”. And so I went and that very first moment, that very first time in the room with that meditation teacher, she told me that I was a spiritual being. She said to me – to the whole group but I really heard this – “You are a spirit soul having this human experience, but you are a spiritual being”. It was like someone had just told me who I was. Like “oh my gosh, that’s who I am, this human life is how I get to journey and explore and have an adventure, but I’m a spiritual being”. The layers (or the clothes) fall away Me: So did you have that as like an inner knowing, or how did you experience it? Because people experience those things in different ways, right? Some people experience a physical sensation of light, other people experience it as just an inner sense of knowing… Corrina: It was like all my clothes fell off. Me: (laughs) Um…I haven’t heard that one before! Corrina: It was like this casing, this casing just fell off. I literally woke up the next morning and I was vegan, I went from a complete meat eater to being vegan overnight just like that. And I was just on this journey then to just explore and discover myself and get back to the essential nature of my being. It was like everything that wasn’t true about me just kind of fell away over the coming months. Me: Wow. That’s very cool! Corrina: Yeah, it was pretty cool, I felt much lighter, it was like clothes coming off. I was just light, I was much, much lighter, much more energized, much freer, much more joyful. Me: It’s interesting that you say that for you, all your clothes coming off, like some people might associate that with being exposed, right? Being vulnerable. And for you, you associate that with being light. So that’s really interesting. Corrina: And just free. I remember in Australia, those kind of days, weeks after that moment. It was like I was floating along the streets. I was so free, I was feeling so connected with people, like I had just woken up. On to Cambridge University…and a fated bus trip Me: Yeah. Wow! And so how did you get from there to Cambridge University? Corrina: Yeah, so I decided that I wanted to do teacher training so I came to Cambridge University and signed up for the English and Drama teacher training course here. And on that very first day in class, they sat me next to this woman called Sam. There was something about her that just immediately kind of, like something just…a light bulb went off or something just happened. It was like ‘Huh, she’s just come on my radar really strongly, why am I paying attention to her so much?’ So she was really in my awareness and we were both in the same school together so we were both placed to do our teacher practice in the same school. And on the first day of teaching practice, I got onto the bus that would take us to our practice school and I got on and she was sitting in the front seat. Now I always need to sit in the front seat in a bus because I get travel sick. So I just went over to her…I’d already clocked her as someone who was on my radar, and I just said “Oh, are you OK if I join you in the front seat?” And she said “Yeah sure, I have to sit here because I get travel sick” and I said “Oh me too!” So we sat side by side and over the months to come we became best friends. Just absolutely clicked, became best friends, incredible support through the whole teaching practice. A brave declaration Me: And was there any like physical attraction at that stage? Or did that come later? Corrina: Immediately! Immediately, I was like ‘Huh! What is this woman doing to me, what is this, what is happening here? I just feel energized around her, she lights me up, I feel excited, I feel like the world is just kind of shinier…’ Me: Wow! Corrina: Everything just felt brighter and more energized. Me: It sounds like a good, a good…I don’t know, I mean, I’ve never like taken acid or anything but (laughs) it sounds like, you know, a positive drug experience without the drugs, right? Corrina: (laughs) Totally! Totally, a kind of ‘switch-on, turn-on, I’m awake, I’m alive, oh my gosh, who are you’ kind of thing. Me: Was it the same for her as well? Corrina: Well what was so funny was that over the months that then came, was that I basically told her (laughs). I just said “Basically I’ve realized that I’m just completely in love with you. Do you feel that too?” Me: Wow! That was so brave of you cause you were friends at that stage, right? Like best friends, you don’t want to wreck your relationship with your best friend by taking the risk but you did! Corrina: I just did! And that’s kind of, you know, the kind of continuity of the whole spiritual journey for me of just like I’m free. You know, I’m free. If I feel this thing, I have to follow my heart. I have to just blurt out like “I’m in love with you, I don’t know if you feel the same way”. And to start out with, it wasn’t something that she let herself feel straight away. Determined and keeping faith Me: So what did she say when you said this? When you blurted this out? Corrina: She said “You know, I feel really connected with you, I love you a lot as a friend, but it’s not romantic for me”. Me: And how did that make you feel? Corrina: Oh, heartbroken. Absolutely heartbroken. But also there was something… it was almost like inside I was going ‘You just wait!’ (laughs) ‘You just wait. I know that you’re the one for me, I’ll just be patient, I’ll just hang on’. Me: Oh wow! Other people though could have had quite a different reaction, right? I mean some people might have, I imagine anyway, some people might have just, you know, stayed in the heartbroken phase and then just walked away, right? And lost it. Corrina: No, I believed, I really had faith that this… There was a reason I was feeling this way, I couldn’t ignore it, I couldn’t shake it, I just kept believing in it and stayed consistently just loving her and being a good friend in the months where… You know, it took 3 months basically of us staying friends and me just loving her, and loving her, and loving her. And then just after Christmas we got together as a couple. And just before Christmas… Me: And what happened? So how did that happen? Like you’re friends, it’s been like you know 3 months, she knows how you feel, did she just all of a sudden like make a move? Or did she say something to you? Corrina: Well, I made the move. Again. Me: (laughs) Oh my god! So it’s like ‘OK I’ve already been kind of rejected once, let me have another go’. Right? Corrina: Exactly! (laughs) Or a few gos! So there was that initial conversation and then there was another conversation where I basically said – this was just before Christmas – I basically said “Are you sure?” Me: Oh my god! Corrina: “I still feel this thing…” and she again was like “No really, we’re just friends”. So that was the second time and then third time lucky! I just made a move and I thought ‘You know what? I’m just gonna take a risk again, I’m just gonna be bold. What’s the worst that can happen? Rejection, right? What’s the best that can happen? I can be with the love of my life’. Me: Oh my god – yeah but that was still just so…Right, OK. That was still just so brave. Once is already like super brave, right? Braver than most people. Twice is like oh my god, you know, three times you start to think OK, hmmm… Corrina: Yeah, and it worked! (laughs) Third time lucky and it was just after Christmas and that was now 13 years ago – 14 years ago. What was she thinking? Me: And so what did she, like…You made the move and what did she then say? Was she like ‘oh I didn’t know until you touched me’ or was she like ‘oh I realized it at the same time as you’ or was she… Corrina: I think it was less of a thought thing. It was just, you know, when it happened then it just felt right. Like ‘oh this is where I was meant to be, OK, got it’. Me: And that’s what she felt too? Was that how she verbalised it to you? Corrina: Well and to give her credit here, so she’s gay and I’m bi, right? So for a gay woman, if a bisexual woman says ‘I’m in love with you’, there’s gonna be a sense of ‘hmm, OK maybe you’re just trying this out, maybe actually this is just a kind of short-term thing for you and really you’re gonna want to be with guys’ Me: Yeah, I’ve heard that, yeah. Proving her love Corrina: So it’s a real credit for her that for those months she was, you know, guarding her heart for that, because you don’t know what’s gonna happen, if that person declaring their love for you is gonna be constant. So I had to kind of prove that actually I meant it. When I said I loved her, I meant it and I was gonna be in it for the long haul. Me: So do you think that a part of her was not testing you, but kind of like unconsciously perhaps waiting? You know? Corrina: Yeah. Me: Oh OK, that makes a lot more sense. Cause in my mind I was imagining somebody who, you know, was neither gay nor bi and who maybe had, I don’t know, only gone out with guys or something and so then for somebody like that it would be much more of a 180, right? Corrina: Yeah, no she’s gay through and through. Me: Well, fortunately for you as it turns out, right? (laughs) The human being behind the coverings Corrina: Well that’s the thing for me as a bisexual woman. For me it’s not about the fact that I like men and women, it’s the fact that I like people and the gender is just irrelevant. And that’s kind of part of what happened in that spiritual awakening moment in Australia. It was like all of the coverings, you know, whether it’s our bodies or our personalities or any of that is kind of what covers the essence of us. And actually for me the essence of someone doesn’t have a gender. So I fell in love with her like I might have thought or indeed fell in love with guys in the past because I just fall in love with the person, you know, that essence of the human beings behind all the trappings. Me: That’s amazing because I feel the same way. It’s kind of weird how that works, right? It’s kind of like yeah, you feel the essence of the person. Seeing into the soul I mean I even had one guy say to me – this was like in a totally different context and we did not get together in the end but I do remember him saying to me at one point, I mean he wasn’t the right person for me but he was kind of freaked out at one stage. Because he was like “It’s like you want my soul!” and I was saying “It’s not that I want your soul, it’s that I see it!” I believe that I see it, right? And I think that you know, some people… I mean, credit to Sam as well because she’s obviously a really strong person too in that, you know, some people would be freaked out by that, right? Some people would be like ‘oh well…it’s the real me here that’s being…I don’t know if I want to say exposed but seen, right? Some people…we use those trappings to cover stuff up, right? As we all know, so…That brings a level of intimacy that’s probably quite cool I would imagine, right? Corrina: Yeah, and you know, don’t get me wrong, I love that she’s a woman as well. I love her long hair and her soft skin and her blue eyes, all the things that make her a woman as well I love. So it’s not like I don’t see those things, but that was never gonna be a filter, like I would only go for… The spectrum of sexuality Me: Yeah. I mean it’s really interesting because I…for me, I’m sure, I would imagine perhaps for you as well, I see the whole homosexual/heterosexual thing as this big spectrum and I have a really good friend who…Well I do playback theater and one of my friends, she’s in a playback theater troupe where they’re all either bi or gay or whatever, and then we did a workshop at one point. They were inviting guest playbackers to go. And one of the exercises they did that was…I just thought it was really cool. They said ‘put yourself…if stage left is like totally 100 percent gay and stage right is totally 100 percent heterosexual, put yourself on the spectrum, place yourself physically where you think you are’. It was really cool to see people, you know, all along the stage, all at different points. I just thought that was very normal, right? Because we’re all…for me, anyway, in my mind we’re all spiritual beings and so as you say, there’s no gender there, right? Corrina: And for some people there are. You know, that’s the thing, people who are that kind of 100 percent on the spectrum, brilliant, they’re really clear that they only want people of the opposite or the same sex. Yes, spectrum is beautiful. What Corrina does now Me: Yeah, wow! So now I really want to know more then about how… (laughs)…how you went from, well, what you do now to help people with their relationships. Because obviously you have a lot more knowledge than when you were in primary school and I know you’re helping people with a lot more than how to not get unwanted pregnancies and things! (laughs) Corrina: (laughs) Absolutely! Me: So what do you do now with people and how do you help them have these beautiful, deep relationships? Corrina: Yeah, and my work is around all relationships that are important. So it’s…my clients, some of them it’s really about their partner relationship but for others it’s about their relationship with their mom or their daughter or their brother. For me, connection…it’s a kind of cliche but connection is what we’re hard wired for. We as human beings love to connect, we love to love people with our full hearts. But there are so many things that stop that from happening within us. We get resentful, we get frustrated, we get disappointed, we feel let down, we feel indignant, all of this. And I over the course of my own personal journey have found a very, very miraculous way of dealing with all those blocks. So it’s the process of questioning your thoughts, questioning your stories, that block connection. An example of our made-up stories So let’s say I’m with Sam and let’s say she’s saying something that sounds critical. My story in my head goes, ‘she’s criticizing me, she doesn’t love me, she’s being mean to me’. You know, ‘I want her to be kind, I want her not to point out my flaws’, all of that. That is all story. It’s all mental. It’s all… Me: Yes! It’s all made up. Corrina: It’s all made up! And we don’t realize it, we think, ‘no but this is true, she’s criticizing me, this is what’s happening’. And so what I am so blessed to have come into contact with a number of years ago is the process of questioning those thoughts. Just sitting with those thoughts and asking them, ‘Is this true? Is this accurate, is this the correct interpretation of what’s going on?’ Not just is it true that that’s what’s going on, but is it true that I would be better off if it were happening differently? Me: OK… Corrina: Like am I sure? So let’s say your loved one is truly critizing you. They’re saying to you “you’re a stupid, ugly, whatever, whatever”. Can I be sure that my happiness depends on them not saying that? Can I be sure that I can only feel good about myself and peaceful if they stop doing that? Because it sets up a very limited version of life if I’m always waiting for someone else to give me something, to give me what I think I need in order to be peaceful and happy. It’s like I delay my peace and my happiness until other people and other circumstances arrange themselves in just the right way. Our rules…and our scripts Me: Yeah, it’s like our rules, right? Where we all have these rules about what has to happen for us to be happy and the more…the easier it is to be happy, then the happier we are, right? Corrina: Exactly, exactly. I talk about our scripts. It’s like, I realized pretty early on with Sam that I had a script, that if she followed this script and she said and she did exactly what I, you know, expected her to do then I would feel happy, but if she went off script then I wouldn’t be happy, I’d be pissed off. She really helped me see this, she said to me one day “Why don’t you just give me your fucking script Corrina! Give me your script, tell me what I need to do”. And I was like “How dare you! This is just what you’re meant to do, you’re my wife, this is how you’re meant to treat me”. Then it kind of dawned on me a few days later, like ‘oh my gosh, my script is the source of all of my unhappiness. Every moment that I want her to be doing something other than what’s reality, I am causing my own unhappiness’. Corrina’s ‘big work’ Me: Right. So then your relationship was, I guess, far from…I don’t want to say far from idyllic, but you had to work through some of this stuff in your relationship with Sam? Corrina: One hundred percent. I wouldn’t be doing this work if I hadn’t had to…if this hadn’t been my big work. You know, so yes like I was completely besotted with her in the beginning, and we got together and it was blissful, and then all my stories started to kick in. ‘Hmmm, well she’s not this’ and ‘hmmm, she said that and that’s not OK’ and ‘would I be better off with someone who did this’ and you know, all those stories eroded what I had imagined would be this perfect relationship. So it’s like I had to work on that, I had to take those stories and stop those stories from sabotaging this beautiful relationship that we had underneath all those stories. Me: Yeah. It’s good that you managed to do that, thank goodness, right? Corrina: I mean, it saved my marriage. It saved my relationship. A daily practice Me: And did it take a long time? Corrina: Yeah, it’s a daily practice. It really is a daily practice, it’s like if you want to be fit, like you’ve done today (laughs), you go to the gym, you go for a run, you do your yoga. You don’t just be like ‘oh I’ll do it one time and then it’s done’. If you want a healthy, thriving, fit relationship with anybody, whether it’s your son or your dad or your sister, there’s daily practice to do. There’s daily work to do every time you get triggered, every time something gets in the way of you being totally, wholeheartedly connected with the human being in front of you, you’ve got something to look at there. Me: Yeah, but at least you can…I mean, what am I trying to say, there comes a time when you catch yourself, right? At least, you know, having done a certain amount of work, then you can get to the point where you see what’s happening, right? As an observer almost and you can go ‘OK hang on, I’m doing this again, this is my script’. Whereas at the beginning, you know, when people aren’t even aware of their scripts, I imagine it takes them a little bit… well it depends on the person I guess, right? How much time it would take them to start to see and to start to implement I guess the tools that you give them, right? Corrina: Absolutely, yes, you’re completely spot on. When you get triggered And you know, now I’m at the point where I get triggered and it could be like anything, right? It could be I’m on Facebook and I see a message from someone and I feel like ‘oh they should have, you know, complimented me rather than give me negative feedback on something’. Right? Instantly, ‘oh! OK, there’s a trigger! A button’s gotten pushed’. And now I’m at the point where I’m like ‘Oooh, good, what’s here for me?’ Me: I do the same thing, that’s really funny! Yeah, I had something that happened the other day that made me so angry and then I’m like ‘OK if this is making me this angry and, you know, the other 30 people in the room are not angry, they actually think it’s quite cute…’ (laughs) We all get triggered, even by 8-year old authors I’ll tell you what it was, it was quite funny. I was at this day workshop with an amazing speaker and there was this little girl, she’s like 8 years old and she’s written a book. Actually she’s written 3 books, right? Corrina: Wow! Me: And it made me so annoyed! And I just thought…you know, not only envious, obviously envious, you know, 3 books at age 8, but also annoyed because, you know, her mom was there and I knew what it was. It brought up all the old scripts of, you know, stage mothers because I did theater before and so I had a good friend who had a stage mother who was just absolutely unbearable whereas, you know, my mom was the opposite. So I see what you mean, you get these reactions, right, that are completely irrational because the people around me were applauding her and they were like ‘oh isn’t that wonderful’ and I was like inside going ‘this is making me so angry!’ But we all get triggered, don’t we, right? Examples of tiny triggers Corrina: Oh, everyone. And it could be like the tiniest thing, that’s what I always find fascinating. It could be just one line in an email. Or it could be just the way that your partner, you know, turns over in their sleep, just the tiniest little things. Often my clients say to me “Oh, you know, I can’t bring this to you today, it’s just so small” and I’m like “No, no, that’s exactly what to bring!”. The fact that he put tofu in the stir fry rather than kidney beans, you know. There was something, there was some offense against you. So there you are with that 8 year old girl, that offense that she’s committing against you in that moment that’s kind of violating something is like, you know, ‘she’s further ahead than me’ or ‘she’s achieved one of my life goals’ or, you know… Me: Yeah, and she’s 8 and I’m 55! Corrina: And she’s 8! It’s just to be so compassionate with ourselves that ‘oh look, there’s this part of me that feels in some way threatened or violated or hurt by this, let me just so lovingly look there and heal that part of myself’. Being compassionate with yourself Me: Ah, yeah, that’s a really key point there that you brought up so I just wanted to emphasize it, yeah. That being compassionate with that part of ourselves, right? Rather than being like, OK, you know, with that kind of…what’s the word, forced smile on our faces, going ‘Ah, another beautiful part of me to transform’, you know (laughs), right? Right? And we can be quite hard on ourselves with that, right, and be like ‘OK what’s at the bottom of this!’ and take a kind of like pickaxe to it. At least that’s what I would do or could do rather than choosing to as you say, acknowledge with love that part of ourselves and treat it as part of, you know, part of the inner child or whatever you want to call it, that needs love and compassion. That’s a really interesting point that we don’t want to forget. Wow! That’s very cool. How to work with Corrina So when you work with people, I would love to hear just a bit more about what the different ways are that you…Do people come to see you in an office, or do you do things online, or how does that work? Corrina: Yes, so right now it’s one to one. There’s a potential of me offering something else in the kind of group workshop, retreat way, but not for now. What I do is I do free videos, everyone can just watch a free video every week, all about relationship hotspots and how to move past them, and then if people feel inspired and really like they’re wanting that support, they can have the one to one coaching. And for now that is by Skype or by phone, and I’m just starting to also offer that in person as well for people who I’m unable to physically meet with. Me: Yeah. That’s really fantastic, well thank you so much. What I’ll do is, I’ll link to everything that you do in the show notes but where’s the best place for people to look online to find out more about what you’re doing and more about you and to get access to the videos and things? An online video library…and a 7 Day Relationship Challenge Corrina: Yeah, so if they go to corrinagordonbarnes.com, I’ll just spell that out, and if you go to the blog page that’s where I’ve got all the videos and articles that have happened so far. So that’s a really good place just to go, it’s like settling into a library of relationship wisdom and gems, just settling in and watching some of the videos and just seeing if the approach makes sense to you. The right people for this work are people who watch a video and go ‘oh my gosh, that makes so much sense!’ And they apply that tip that I’m sharing and they come back and they say “Wow I had this incredible experience with my mom! Because I did the thing that you…” I do like challenges in the video so they’re like “I did the challenge that you set and I had a completely different experience with my mom this week, thank you!” Me: That’s brilliant! Corrina: It’s so good, it’s so satisfying. So on the blog page that’s where people can look at all the videos so far. And on the homepage people can sign up for the free 7 Day Relationship Challenge. 7 days to feel more connected Me: That sounds intriguing for sure! Corrina: Yes! It’s 7 days to feel more connected, that’s the overarching focus. How can you feel more connected? That beautiful feeling of just wholehearted connection with the person in front of you, and I give a number of challenges that you can actually implement to help you feel that way. Me: That is really fantastic! Well, I mean yeah, because as you say, we’re all starving for connection and I mean, we could do a whole episode just about the different ways people connect, right? Through food and smoking and alcohol, and, you know, apart from people, right? Corrina: Facebook! Me: Facebook! There’s so many…it’s a massive, massive topic but…so I wish we had more time! But thank you so much for being here to share your story, because I love your story and I love your journey and I really, really love what you’re doing right now, so I’m really grateful that you took the time to share that with us, so thank you so much! Corrina: You’re very welcome, thank you so much! A food to help with travel sickness So now I mentioned at the beginning of this episode that I’d share with you one of the best foods you can eat for help with travel sickness. And I think it will come as no surprise for most of you anyway to hear that that food is…ginger! Ginger has so many benefits it’s ridiculous. Not only can it help with travel sickness, but it’s also beneficial for other causes of nausea, like morning sickness, and it can help with pain relief as well. Why ginger is so helpful So this powerful little root contains loads of antioxidant and antiinflammatory compounds, including curcumin and capsaicin which are also found in turmeric which is another superfood. They’re part of the same plant family, turmeric, ginger and cardamom. Ginger also contains a ton of vitamins and minerals, including calcium, potassium, magnesium, phosphorus, niacin, iron, zinc and folate. A big list, right? And ginger is a great way to warm us up, because it’s a diaphoretic (that was my new word for today), which means that it heats the body from the inside out. So if you live in a cold climate for example, ginger can literally help warm you up inside. It also helps promote sweating, which is why it’s so good to have ginger tea if you’ve got a cold and you need to sweat out some toxins. Ginger even helps with pain relief But did you know that ginger can also help with pain relief? Two examples are exercise-induced muscle pain (so if you work out, eat some ginger), as well as menstrual cramps. So the next time you’re feeling crampy (I don’t know if that’s a word but I’ve just decided it is!), make yourself some strong ginger tea and see how you feel. Ginger can also help reduce inflammation, so scientists are looking to see if it can help with cancer, and particularly colon cancer. Ginger also is showing promise for helping treat that as well as inflammation caused by osteoarthritis. I’ll link to an article in the show notes that has more information about ginger’s many properties and benefits, it also includes links to the actual research in case you’d like to know more about that. And in addition I’ll link to an article that has some overall tips for avoiding travel sickness, including using ginger. So how do you eat ginger? If you need help with travel sickness and you want instant relief, well, you can definitely try peeling the root and gnawing on a piece…although I haven’t done that myself. Ginger’s pretty strong stuff. What I do is I usually juice a small piece of ginger with some carrots and apples for a really zinging morning juice. It tastes really, really good. Or you can pop a piece into your blender with other veggies and maybe some fruit for a green smoothie or a soup to give it a bit of a zing. It also helps you use less salt because it’s got a really strong flavor. Other people prefer to slice a few pieces into some very hot water and let it steep for a while with a slice or two of lemon to make ginger tea. And you can also grate ginger into soups, curries and other savory dishes. Or even just chop it finely and use it in stir-frys. I’ll link in the show notes to some recipes that I’ve got in my 5-Minute Mains recipe ebook that use ginger too, such as my Green Thai Curry. One thing for sure that I definitely recommend is that you use fresh ginger root wherever possible, rather than powdered ginger or capsules. I say that because the fresh vegetable is so easy to use and it’s always best I think to have the actual vegetable rather than some dried out version in a plastic capsule. But then again if capsules are all you have access to, better that than no ginger! If you do try something new with ginger, or something else that you feel can help with travel sickness, definitely share in the comments because I want to know! Have YOU got a story to share? Which brings us to the end of this week’s story – and if you’ve got a true story to share (and you’d like to know what food could have saved the day in your situation), I’d love to hear from you! Got a question, or a comment? Got a question, or a comment? Pop a note below in the comments, that would be awesome. You can also subscribe to the podcast to listen ‘on the go’ in iTunes. I hope you have an amazing day. Thank you so much for being here with me to share in my Clean Food, Dirty Stories. Bye for now! RESOURCES Link to 5-Minute Mains and other recipe ebooks: Article with nutritional information on ginger as well as links to scientific studies: Article with general tips to help with travel sickness: Corrina Gordon-Barnes is a Relationship Coach who’s committed to a world of happy couples and happy families. She teaches her clients how to be really good at relationships – how to love full-heartedly, let go of resentments, forgive, accept and live from power not victimhood. She lives in Cambridge, England with her wife, Sam.You can find Corrina at her website, on Twitter, Facebook and YouTube. Source link

[shelyold]

Corrina Gordon-Barnes’ journey from dating guys to finding a wife…thanks to travel sickness! And of course the best food to help with travel sickness (in case you’ve already found your partner…) In addition to this story, at the end of this episode I’ll share with you the best food for travel sickness (in case you’ve already found your wife or partner). OK enough hints from me, let’s get on with the story. Our guest, Corrina Gordon-Barnes I am super excited to be joined here today for our story by Corrina Gordon-Barnes. Corrina is a Relationship Coach who’s committed to a world of happy couples and happy families. She teaches her clients how to be really good at relationships. So Corrina, welcome to the Clean Food, Dirty Stories podcast! I’m really excited to have you here today! Corrina: Thank you so much for inviting me to connect with you. Me: Oh well you’re so welcome! I love your story and I really can’t wait for us to share it with everybody. Corrina’s story, starting with being boy mad Me: Without further ado, the first question I wanted to ask you…and I’ve said a little bit about what you do now, but when you were small, or younger, how did you see your dream relationship one day? Did you have princess dreams or did you have a particular type of partner in mind before you actually met your life partner? Corrina: Well, I was boy mad. Me: Boy mad! Corrina: Boy mad, like going through my primary school years, I remember that I was the one in my class who learned about sex really early. I was the one who would get all these teenage magazines, even as a late primary school age kid, and I would be teaching my friends at school. “You can get pregnant the first time you have sex” and “be careful with your boyfriend”. Me: Oh my god! A relationship expert…in primary school Corrina: I was like this relationship expert, even at that age I was teaching my friends. Like “these are all the myths, don’t do this, do this” and so I was kind of boy mad, I was relationship mad. Getting into my teens I remember with my friends we would literally kind of go out prowling the streets. We would walk along the high street in my town where I lived and we would be looking for boys and we would be kind of flirting and coy. There was always some boy that I had my eye on. Always some guy who had my attention, I would try and make sure I was in the same place as him so that he would see me… Me: Sounds familiar, yeah. So I was definitely, I definitely wanted boys. That was very clear to me. Me: And you got engaged to a boy at one stage, right? Corrina: Yeah, so I had one really long term relationship before I met who is now my partner, and we got engaged at age 17. Me: Wow! We were gonna get married and we were gonna have all these babies and we were gonna live in this particular kind of house and have this life… That was the path that I thought I was on at that age. Me: So then what happened to take you off that path? The path to self-discovery Corrina: Well that relationship was not the right one, and so that ended 4 years later and I stayed then single for quite a while. You know, I was really wanting to find myself. So I went on this whole spiritual, personal growth journey. I read every book I could get, I did meditation, I went vegan… It had this whole kind of personal growth change in my life. Me: What do you think prompted that? Was it the end of that relationship that prompted that? I mean, what were your thoughts? Were you just like ‘Oh I think I need to take care of myself more’ or become a different person, or…? Corrina: I was in Australia and I was just there travelling for a year. And I met this guy – surprisingly enough – in a cafe. He just said “Hey I go to this meditation course down the road, why don’t you come along”. And so I went and that very first moment, that very first time in the room with that meditation teacher, she told me that I was a spiritual being. She said to me – to the whole group but I really heard this – “You are a spirit soul having this human experience, but you are a spiritual being”. It was like someone had just told me who I was. Like “oh my gosh, that’s who I am, this human life is how I get to journey and explore and have an adventure, but I’m a spiritual being”. The layers (or the clothes) fall away Me: So did you have that as like an inner knowing, or how did you experience it? Because people experience those things in different ways, right? Some people experience a physical sensation of light, other people experience it as just an inner sense of knowing… Corrina: It was like all my clothes fell off. Me: (laughs) Um…I haven’t heard that one before! Corrina: It was like this casing, this casing just fell off. I literally woke up the next morning and I was vegan, I went from a complete meat eater to being vegan overnight just like that. And I was just on this journey then to just explore and discover myself and get back to the essential nature of my being. It was like everything that wasn’t true about me just kind of fell away over the coming months. Me: Wow. That’s very cool! Corrina: Yeah, it was pretty cool, I felt much lighter, it was like clothes coming off. I was just light, I was much, much lighter, much more energized, much freer, much more joyful. Me: It’s interesting that you say that for you, all your clothes coming off, like some people might associate that with being exposed, right? Being vulnerable. And for you, you associate that with being light. So that’s really interesting. Corrina: And just free. I remember in Australia, those kind of days, weeks after that moment. It was like I was floating along the streets. I was so free, I was feeling so connected with people, like I had just woken up. On to Cambridge University…and a fated bus trip Me: Yeah. Wow! And so how did you get from there to Cambridge University? Corrina: Yeah, so I decided that I wanted to do teacher training so I came to Cambridge University and signed up for the English and Drama teacher training course here. And on that very first day in class, they sat me next to this woman called Sam. There was something about her that just immediately kind of, like something just…a light bulb went off or something just happened. It was like ‘Huh, she’s just come on my radar really strongly, why am I paying attention to her so much?’ So she was really in my awareness and we were both in the same school together so we were both placed to do our teacher practice in the same school. And on the first day of teaching practice, I got onto the bus that would take us to our practice school and I got on and she was sitting in the front seat. Now I always need to sit in the front seat in a bus because I get travel sick. So I just went over to her…I’d already clocked her as someone who was on my radar, and I just said “Oh, are you OK if I join you in the front seat?” And she said “Yeah sure, I have to sit here because I get travel sick” and I said “Oh me too!” So we sat side by side and over the months to come we became best friends. Just absolutely clicked, became best friends, incredible support through the whole teaching practice. A brave declaration Me: And was there any like physical attraction at that stage? Or did that come later? Corrina: Immediately! Immediately, I was like ‘Huh! What is this woman doing to me, what is this, what is happening here? I just feel energized around her, she lights me up, I feel excited, I feel like the world is just kind of shinier…’ Me: Wow! Corrina: Everything just felt brighter and more energized. Me: It sounds like a good, a good…I don’t know, I mean, I’ve never like taken acid or anything but (laughs) it sounds like, you know, a positive drug experience without the drugs, right? Corrina: (laughs) Totally! Totally, a kind of ‘switch-on, turn-on, I’m awake, I’m alive, oh my gosh, who are you’ kind of thing. Me: Was it the same for her as well? Corrina: Well what was so funny was that over the months that then came, was that I basically told her (laughs). I just said “Basically I’ve realized that I’m just completely in love with you. Do you feel that too?” Me: Wow! That was so brave of you cause you were friends at that stage, right? Like best friends, you don’t want to wreck your relationship with your best friend by taking the risk but you did! Corrina: I just did! And that’s kind of, you know, the kind of continuity of the whole spiritual journey for me of just like I’m free. You know, I’m free. If I feel this thing, I have to follow my heart. I have to just blurt out like “I’m in love with you, I don’t know if you feel the same way”. And to start out with, it wasn’t something that she let herself feel straight away. Determined and keeping faith Me: So what did she say when you said this? When you blurted this out? Corrina: She said “You know, I feel really connected with you, I love you a lot as a friend, but it’s not romantic for me”. Me: And how did that make you feel? Corrina: Oh, heartbroken. Absolutely heartbroken. But also there was something… it was almost like inside I was going ‘You just wait!’ (laughs) ‘You just wait. I know that you’re the one for me, I’ll just be patient, I’ll just hang on’. Me: Oh wow! Other people though could have had quite a different reaction, right? I mean some people might have, I imagine anyway, some people might have just, you know, stayed in the heartbroken phase and then just walked away, right? And lost it. Corrina: No, I believed, I really had faith that this… There was a reason I was feeling this way, I couldn’t ignore it, I couldn’t shake it, I just kept believing in it and stayed consistently just loving her and being a good friend in the months where… You know, it took 3 months basically of us staying friends and me just loving her, and loving her, and loving her. And then just after Christmas we got together as a couple. And just before Christmas… Me: And what happened? So how did that happen? Like you’re friends, it’s been like you know 3 months, she knows how you feel, did she just all of a sudden like make a move? Or did she say something to you? Corrina: Well, I made the move. Again. Me: (laughs) Oh my god! So it’s like ‘OK I’ve already been kind of rejected once, let me have another go’. Right? Corrina: Exactly! (laughs) Or a few gos! So there was that initial conversation and then there was another conversation where I basically said – this was just before Christmas – I basically said “Are you sure?” Me: Oh my god! Corrina: “I still feel this thing…” and she again was like “No really, we’re just friends”. So that was the second time and then third time lucky! I just made a move and I thought ‘You know what? I’m just gonna take a risk again, I’m just gonna be bold. What’s the worst that can happen? Rejection, right? What’s the best that can happen? I can be with the love of my life’. Me: Oh my god – yeah but that was still just so…Right, OK. That was still just so brave. Once is already like super brave, right? Braver than most people. Twice is like oh my god, you know, three times you start to think OK, hmmm… Corrina: Yeah, and it worked! (laughs) Third time lucky and it was just after Christmas and that was now 13 years ago – 14 years ago. What was she thinking? Me: And so what did she, like…You made the move and what did she then say? Was she like ‘oh I didn’t know until you touched me’ or was she like ‘oh I realized it at the same time as you’ or was she… Corrina: I think it was less of a thought thing. It was just, you know, when it happened then it just felt right. Like ‘oh this is where I was meant to be, OK, got it’. Me: And that’s what she felt too? Was that how she verbalised it to you? Corrina: Well and to give her credit here, so she’s gay and I’m bi, right? So for a gay woman, if a bisexual woman says ‘I’m in love with you’, there’s gonna be a sense of ‘hmm, OK maybe you’re just trying this out, maybe actually this is just a kind of short-term thing for you and really you’re gonna want to be with guys’ Me: Yeah, I’ve heard that, yeah. Proving her love Corrina: So it’s a real credit for her that for those months she was, you know, guarding her heart for that, because you don’t know what’s gonna happen, if that person declaring their love for you is gonna be constant. So I had to kind of prove that actually I meant it. When I said I loved her, I meant it and I was gonna be in it for the long haul. Me: So do you think that a part of her was not testing you, but kind of like unconsciously perhaps waiting? You know? Corrina: Yeah. Me: Oh OK, that makes a lot more sense. Cause in my mind I was imagining somebody who, you know, was neither gay nor bi and who maybe had, I don’t know, only gone out with guys or something and so then for somebody like that it would be much more of a 180, right? Corrina: Yeah, no she’s gay through and through. Me: Well, fortunately for you as it turns out, right? (laughs) The human being behind the coverings Corrina: Well that’s the thing for me as a bisexual woman. For me it’s not about the fact that I like men and women, it’s the fact that I like people and the gender is just irrelevant. And that’s kind of part of what happened in that spiritual awakening moment in Australia. It was like all of the coverings, you know, whether it’s our bodies or our personalities or any of that is kind of what covers the essence of us. And actually for me the essence of someone doesn’t have a gender. So I fell in love with her like I might have thought or indeed fell in love with guys in the past because I just fall in love with the person, you know, that essence of the human beings behind all the trappings. Me: That’s amazing because I feel the same way. It’s kind of weird how that works, right? It’s kind of like yeah, you feel the essence of the person. Seeing into the soul I mean I even had one guy say to me – this was like in a totally different context and we did not get together in the end but I do remember him saying to me at one point, I mean he wasn’t the right person for me but he was kind of freaked out at one stage. Because he was like “It’s like you want my soul!” and I was saying “It’s not that I want your soul, it’s that I see it!” I believe that I see it, right? And I think that you know, some people… I mean, credit to Sam as well because she’s obviously a really strong person too in that, you know, some people would be freaked out by that, right? Some people would be like ‘oh well…it’s the real me here that’s being…I don’t know if I want to say exposed but seen, right? Some people…we use those trappings to cover stuff up, right? As we all know, so…That brings a level of intimacy that’s probably quite cool I would imagine, right? Corrina: Yeah, and you know, don’t get me wrong, I love that she’s a woman as well. I love her long hair and her soft skin and her blue eyes, all the things that make her a woman as well I love. So it’s not like I don’t see those things, but that was never gonna be a filter, like I would only go for… The spectrum of sexuality Me: Yeah. I mean it’s really interesting because I…for me, I’m sure, I would imagine perhaps for you as well, I see the whole homosexual/heterosexual thing as this big spectrum and I have a really good friend who…Well I do playback theater and one of my friends, she’s in a playback theater troupe where they’re all either bi or gay or whatever, and then we did a workshop at one point. They were inviting guest playbackers to go. And one of the exercises they did that was…I just thought it was really cool. They said ‘put yourself…if stage left is like totally 100 percent gay and stage right is totally 100 percent heterosexual, put yourself on the spectrum, place yourself physically where you think you are’. It was really cool to see people, you know, all along the stage, all at different points. I just thought that was very normal, right? Because we’re all…for me, anyway, in my mind we’re all spiritual beings and so as you say, there’s no gender there, right? Corrina: And for some people there are. You know, that’s the thing, people who are that kind of 100 percent on the spectrum, brilliant, they’re really clear that they only want people of the opposite or the same sex. Yes, spectrum is beautiful. What Corrina does now Me: Yeah, wow! So now I really want to know more then about how… (laughs)…how you went from, well, what you do now to help people with their relationships. Because obviously you have a lot more knowledge than when you were in primary school and I know you’re helping people with a lot more than how to not get unwanted pregnancies and things! (laughs) Corrina: (laughs) Absolutely! Me: So what do you do now with people and how do you help them have these beautiful, deep relationships? Corrina: Yeah, and my work is around all relationships that are important. So it’s…my clients, some of them it’s really about their partner relationship but for others it’s about their relationship with their mom or their daughter or their brother. For me, connection…it’s a kind of cliche but connection is what we’re hard wired for. We as human beings love to connect, we love to love people with our full hearts. But there are so many things that stop that from happening within us. We get resentful, we get frustrated, we get disappointed, we feel let down, we feel indignant, all of this. And I over the course of my own personal journey have found a very, very miraculous way of dealing with all those blocks. So it’s the process of questioning your thoughts, questioning your stories, that block connection. An example of our made-up stories So let’s say I’m with Sam and let’s say she’s saying something that sounds critical. My story in my head goes, ‘she’s criticizing me, she doesn’t love me, she’s being mean to me’. You know, ‘I want her to be kind, I want her not to point out my flaws’, all of that. That is all story. It’s all mental. It’s all… Me: Yes! It’s all made up. Corrina: It’s all made up! And we don’t realize it, we think, ‘no but this is true, she’s criticizing me, this is what’s happening’. And so what I am so blessed to have come into contact with a number of years ago is the process of questioning those thoughts. Just sitting with those thoughts and asking them, ‘Is this true? Is this accurate, is this the correct interpretation of what’s going on?’ Not just is it true that that’s what’s going on, but is it true that I would be better off if it were happening differently? Me: OK… Corrina: Like am I sure? So let’s say your loved one is truly critizing you. They’re saying to you “you’re a stupid, ugly, whatever, whatever”. Can I be sure that my happiness depends on them not saying that? Can I be sure that I can only feel good about myself and peaceful if they stop doing that? Because it sets up a very limited version of life if I’m always waiting for someone else to give me something, to give me what I think I need in order to be peaceful and happy. It’s like I delay my peace and my happiness until other people and other circumstances arrange themselves in just the right way. Our rules…and our scripts Me: Yeah, it’s like our rules, right? Where we all have these rules about what has to happen for us to be happy and the more…the easier it is to be happy, then the happier we are, right? Corrina: Exactly, exactly. I talk about our scripts. It’s like, I realized pretty early on with Sam that I had a script, that if she followed this script and she said and she did exactly what I, you know, expected her to do then I would feel happy, but if she went off script then I wouldn’t be happy, I’d be pissed off. She really helped me see this, she said to me one day “Why don’t you just give me your fucking script Corrina! Give me your script, tell me what I need to do”. And I was like “How dare you! This is just what you’re meant to do, you’re my wife, this is how you’re meant to treat me”. Then it kind of dawned on me a few days later, like ‘oh my gosh, my script is the source of all of my unhappiness. Every moment that I want her to be doing something other than what’s reality, I am causing my own unhappiness’. Corrina’s ‘big work’ Me: Right. So then your relationship was, I guess, far from…I don’t want to say far from idyllic, but you had to work through some of this stuff in your relationship with Sam? Corrina: One hundred percent. I wouldn’t be doing this work if I hadn’t had to…if this hadn’t been my big work. You know, so yes like I was completely besotted with her in the beginning, and we got together and it was blissful, and then all my stories started to kick in. ‘Hmmm, well she’s not this’ and ‘hmmm, she said that and that’s not OK’ and ‘would I be better off with someone who did this’ and you know, all those stories eroded what I had imagined would be this perfect relationship. So it’s like I had to work on that, I had to take those stories and stop those stories from sabotaging this beautiful relationship that we had underneath all those stories. Me: Yeah. It’s good that you managed to do that, thank goodness, right? Corrina: I mean, it saved my marriage. It saved my relationship. A daily practice Me: And did it take a long time? Corrina: Yeah, it’s a daily practice. It really is a daily practice, it’s like if you want to be fit, like you’ve done today (laughs), you go to the gym, you go for a run, you do your yoga. You don’t just be like ‘oh I’ll do it one time and then it’s done’. If you want a healthy, thriving, fit relationship with anybody, whether it’s your son or your dad or your sister, there’s daily practice to do. There’s daily work to do every time you get triggered, every time something gets in the way of you being totally, wholeheartedly connected with the human being in front of you, you’ve got something to look at there. Me: Yeah, but at least you can…I mean, what am I trying to say, there comes a time when you catch yourself, right? At least, you know, having done a certain amount of work, then you can get to the point where you see what’s happening, right? As an observer almost and you can go ‘OK hang on, I’m doing this again, this is my script’. Whereas at the beginning, you know, when people aren’t even aware of their scripts, I imagine it takes them a little bit… well it depends on the person I guess, right? How much time it would take them to start to see and to start to implement I guess the tools that you give them, right? Corrina: Absolutely, yes, you’re completely spot on. When you get triggered And you know, now I’m at the point where I get triggered and it could be like anything, right? It could be I’m on Facebook and I see a message from someone and I feel like ‘oh they should have, you know, complimented me rather than give me negative feedback on something’. Right? Instantly, ‘oh! OK, there’s a trigger! A button’s gotten pushed’. And now I’m at the point where I’m like ‘Oooh, good, what’s here for me?’ Me: I do the same thing, that’s really funny! Yeah, I had something that happened the other day that made me so angry and then I’m like ‘OK if this is making me this angry and, you know, the other 30 people in the room are not angry, they actually think it’s quite cute…’ (laughs) We all get triggered, even by 8-year old authors I’ll tell you what it was, it was quite funny. I was at this day workshop with an amazing speaker and there was this little girl, she’s like 8 years old and she’s written a book. Actually she’s written 3 books, right? Corrina: Wow! Me: And it made me so annoyed! And I just thought…you know, not only envious, obviously envious, you know, 3 books at age 8, but also annoyed because, you know, her mom was there and I knew what it was. It brought up all the old scripts of, you know, stage mothers because I did theater before and so I had a good friend who had a stage mother who was just absolutely unbearable whereas, you know, my mom was the opposite. So I see what you mean, you get these reactions, right, that are completely irrational because the people around me were applauding her and they were like ‘oh isn’t that wonderful’ and I was like inside going ‘this is making me so angry!’ But we all get triggered, don’t we, right? Examples of tiny triggers Corrina: Oh, everyone. And it could be like the tiniest thing, that’s what I always find fascinating. It could be just one line in an email. Or it could be just the way that your partner, you know, turns over in their sleep, just the tiniest little things. Often my clients say to me “Oh, you know, I can’t bring this to you today, it’s just so small” and I’m like “No, no, that’s exactly what to bring!”. The fact that he put tofu in the stir fry rather than kidney beans, you know. There was something, there was some offense against you. So there you are with that 8 year old girl, that offense that she’s committing against you in that moment that’s kind of violating something is like, you know, ‘she’s further ahead than me’ or ‘she’s achieved one of my life goals’ or, you know… Me: Yeah, and she’s 8 and I’m 55! Corrina: And she’s 8! It’s just to be so compassionate with ourselves that ‘oh look, there’s this part of me that feels in some way threatened or violated or hurt by this, let me just so lovingly look there and heal that part of myself’. Being compassionate with yourself Me: Ah, yeah, that’s a really key point there that you brought up so I just wanted to emphasize it, yeah. That being compassionate with that part of ourselves, right? Rather than being like, OK, you know, with that kind of…what’s the word, forced smile on our faces, going ‘Ah, another beautiful part of me to transform’, you know (laughs), right? Right? And we can be quite hard on ourselves with that, right, and be like ‘OK what’s at the bottom of this!’ and take a kind of like pickaxe to it. At least that’s what I would do or could do rather than choosing to as you say, acknowledge with love that part of ourselves and treat it as part of, you know, part of the inner child or whatever you want to call it, that needs love and compassion. That’s a really interesting point that we don’t want to forget. Wow! That’s very cool. How to work with Corrina So when you work with people, I would love to hear just a bit more about what the different ways are that you…Do people come to see you in an office, or do you do things online, or how does that work? Corrina: Yes, so right now it’s one to one. There’s a potential of me offering something else in the kind of group workshop, retreat way, but not for now. What I do is I do free videos, everyone can just watch a free video every week, all about relationship hotspots and how to move past them, and then if people feel inspired and really like they’re wanting that support, they can have the one to one coaching. And for now that is by Skype or by phone, and I’m just starting to also offer that in person as well for people who I’m unable to physically meet with. Me: Yeah. That’s really fantastic, well thank you so much. What I’ll do is, I’ll link to everything that you do in the show notes but where’s the best place for people to look online to find out more about what you’re doing and more about you and to get access to the videos and things? An online video library…and a 7 Day Relationship Challenge Corrina: Yeah, so if they go to corrinagordonbarnes.com, I’ll just spell that out, and if you go to the blog page that’s where I’ve got all the videos and articles that have happened so far. So that’s a really good place just to go, it’s like settling into a library of relationship wisdom and gems, just settling in and watching some of the videos and just seeing if the approach makes sense to you. The right people for this work are people who watch a video and go ‘oh my gosh, that makes so much sense!’ And they apply that tip that I’m sharing and they come back and they say “Wow I had this incredible experience with my mom! Because I did the thing that you…” I do like challenges in the video so they’re like “I did the challenge that you set and I had a completely different experience with my mom this week, thank you!” Me: That’s brilliant! Corrina: It’s so good, it’s so satisfying. So on the blog page that’s where people can look at all the videos so far. And on the homepage people can sign up for the free 7 Day Relationship Challenge. 7 days to feel more connected Me: That sounds intriguing for sure! Corrina: Yes! It’s 7 days to feel more connected, that’s the overarching focus. How can you feel more connected? That beautiful feeling of just wholehearted connection with the person in front of you, and I give a number of challenges that you can actually implement to help you feel that way. Me: That is really fantastic! Well, I mean yeah, because as you say, we’re all starving for connection and I mean, we could do a whole episode just about the different ways people connect, right? Through food and smoking and alcohol, and, you know, apart from people, right? Corrina: Facebook! Me: Facebook! There’s so many…it’s a massive, massive topic but…so I wish we had more time! But thank you so much for being here to share your story, because I love your story and I love your journey and I really, really love what you’re doing right now, so I’m really grateful that you took the time to share that with us, so thank you so much! Corrina: You’re very welcome, thank you so much! A food to help with travel sickness So now I mentioned at the beginning of this episode that I’d share with you one of the best foods you can eat for help with travel sickness. And I think it will come as no surprise for most of you anyway to hear that that food is…ginger! Ginger has so many benefits it’s ridiculous. Not only can it help with travel sickness, but it’s also beneficial for other causes of nausea, like morning sickness, and it can help with pain relief as well. Why ginger is so helpful So this powerful little root contains loads of antioxidant and antiinflammatory compounds, including curcumin and capsaicin which are also found in turmeric which is another superfood. They’re part of the same plant family, turmeric, ginger and cardamom. Ginger also contains a ton of vitamins and minerals, including calcium, potassium, magnesium, phosphorus, niacin, iron, zinc and folate. A big list, right? And ginger is a great way to warm us up, because it’s a diaphoretic (that was my new word for today), which means that it heats the body from the inside out. So if you live in a cold climate for example, ginger can literally help warm you up inside. It also helps promote sweating, which is why it’s so good to have ginger tea if you’ve got a cold and you need to sweat out some toxins. Ginger even helps with pain relief But did you know that ginger can also help with pain relief? Two examples are exercise-induced muscle pain (so if you work out, eat some ginger), as well as menstrual cramps. So the next time you’re feeling crampy (I don’t know if that’s a word but I’ve just decided it is!), make yourself some strong ginger tea and see how you feel. Ginger can also help reduce inflammation, so scientists are looking to see if it can help with cancer, and particularly colon cancer. Ginger also is showing promise for helping treat that as well as inflammation caused by osteoarthritis. I’ll link to an article in the show notes that has more information about ginger’s many properties and benefits, it also includes links to the actual research in case you’d like to know more about that. And in addition I’ll link to an article that has some overall tips for avoiding travel sickness, including using ginger. So how do you eat ginger? If you need help with travel sickness and you want instant relief, well, you can definitely try peeling the root and gnawing on a piece…although I haven’t done that myself. Ginger’s pretty strong stuff. What I do is I usually juice a small piece of ginger with some carrots and apples for a really zinging morning juice. It tastes really, really good. Or you can pop a piece into your blender with other veggies and maybe some fruit for a green smoothie or a soup to give it a bit of a zing. It also helps you use less salt because it’s got a really strong flavor. Other people prefer to slice a few pieces into some very hot water and let it steep for a while with a slice or two of lemon to make ginger tea. And you can also grate ginger into soups, curries and other savory dishes. Or even just chop it finely and use it in stir-frys. I’ll link in the show notes to some recipes that I’ve got in my 5-Minute Mains recipe ebook that use ginger too, such as my Green Thai Curry. One thing for sure that I definitely recommend is that you use fresh ginger root wherever possible, rather than powdered ginger or capsules. I say that because the fresh vegetable is so easy to use and it’s always best I think to have the actual vegetable rather than some dried out version in a plastic capsule. But then again if capsules are all you have access to, better that than no ginger! If you do try something new with ginger, or something else that you feel can help with travel sickness, definitely share in the comments because I want to know! Have YOU got a story to share? Which brings us to the end of this week’s story – and if you’ve got a true story to share (and you’d like to know what food could have saved the day in your situation), I’d love to hear from you! Got a question, or a comment? Got a question, or a comment? Pop a note below in the comments, that would be awesome. You can also subscribe to the podcast to listen ‘on the go’ in iTunes. I hope you have an amazing day. Thank you so much for being here with me to share in my Clean Food, Dirty Stories. Bye for now! RESOURCES Link to 5-Minute Mains and other recipe ebooks: Article with nutritional information on ginger as well as links to scientific studies: Article with general tips to help with travel sickness: Corrina Gordon-Barnes is a Relationship Coach who’s committed to a world of happy couples and happy families. She teaches her clients how to be really good at relationships – how to love full-heartedly, let go of resentments, forgive, accept and live from power not victimhood. She lives in Cambridge, England with her wife, Sam.You can find Corrina at her website, on Twitter, Facebook and YouTube. Source link

[iammeandmy]

Corrina Gordon-Barnes’ journey from dating guys to finding a wife…thanks to travel sickness! And of course the best food to help with travel sickness (in case you’ve already found your partner…) In addition to this story, at the end of this episode I’ll share with you the best food for travel sickness (in case you’ve already found your wife or partner). OK enough hints from me, let’s get on with the story. Our guest, Corrina Gordon-Barnes I am super excited to be joined here today for our story by Corrina Gordon-Barnes. Corrina is a Relationship Coach who’s committed to a world of happy couples and happy families. She teaches her clients how to be really good at relationships. So Corrina, welcome to the Clean Food, Dirty Stories podcast! I’m really excited to have you here today! Corrina: Thank you so much for inviting me to connect with you. Me: Oh well you’re so welcome! I love your story and I really can’t wait for us to share it with everybody. Corrina’s story, starting with being boy mad Me: Without further ado, the first question I wanted to ask you…and I’ve said a little bit about what you do now, but when you were small, or younger, how did you see your dream relationship one day? Did you have princess dreams or did you have a particular type of partner in mind before you actually met your life partner? Corrina: Well, I was boy mad. Me: Boy mad! Corrina: Boy mad, like going through my primary school years, I remember that I was the one in my class who learned about sex really early. I was the one who would get all these teenage magazines, even as a late primary school age kid, and I would be teaching my friends at school. “You can get pregnant the first time you have sex” and “be careful with your boyfriend”. Me: Oh my god! A relationship expert…in primary school Corrina: I was like this relationship expert, even at that age I was teaching my friends. Like “these are all the myths, don’t do this, do this” and so I was kind of boy mad, I was relationship mad. Getting into my teens I remember with my friends we would literally kind of go out prowling the streets. We would walk along the high street in my town where I lived and we would be looking for boys and we would be kind of flirting and coy. There was always some boy that I had my eye on. Always some guy who had my attention, I would try and make sure I was in the same place as him so that he would see me… Me: Sounds familiar, yeah. So I was definitely, I definitely wanted boys. That was very clear to me. Me: And you got engaged to a boy at one stage, right? Corrina: Yeah, so I had one really long term relationship before I met who is now my partner, and we got engaged at age 17. Me: Wow! We were gonna get married and we were gonna have all these babies and we were gonna live in this particular kind of house and have this life… That was the path that I thought I was on at that age. Me: So then what happened to take you off that path? The path to self-discovery Corrina: Well that relationship was not the right one, and so that ended 4 years later and I stayed then single for quite a while. You know, I was really wanting to find myself. So I went on this whole spiritual, personal growth journey. I read every book I could get, I did meditation, I went vegan… It had this whole kind of personal growth change in my life. Me: What do you think prompted that? Was it the end of that relationship that prompted that? I mean, what were your thoughts? Were you just like ‘Oh I think I need to take care of myself more’ or become a different person, or…? Corrina: I was in Australia and I was just there travelling for a year. And I met this guy – surprisingly enough – in a cafe. He just said “Hey I go to this meditation course down the road, why don’t you come along”. And so I went and that very first moment, that very first time in the room with that meditation teacher, she told me that I was a spiritual being. She said to me – to the whole group but I really heard this – “You are a spirit soul having this human experience, but you are a spiritual being”. It was like someone had just told me who I was. Like “oh my gosh, that’s who I am, this human life is how I get to journey and explore and have an adventure, but I’m a spiritual being”. The layers (or the clothes) fall away Me: So did you have that as like an inner knowing, or how did you experience it? Because people experience those things in different ways, right? Some people experience a physical sensation of light, other people experience it as just an inner sense of knowing… Corrina: It was like all my clothes fell off. Me: (laughs) Um…I haven’t heard that one before! Corrina: It was like this casing, this casing just fell off. I literally woke up the next morning and I was vegan, I went from a complete meat eater to being vegan overnight just like that. And I was just on this journey then to just explore and discover myself and get back to the essential nature of my being. It was like everything that wasn’t true about me just kind of fell away over the coming months. Me: Wow. That’s very cool! Corrina: Yeah, it was pretty cool, I felt much lighter, it was like clothes coming off. I was just light, I was much, much lighter, much more energized, much freer, much more joyful. Me: It’s interesting that you say that for you, all your clothes coming off, like some people might associate that with being exposed, right? Being vulnerable. And for you, you associate that with being light. So that’s really interesting. Corrina: And just free. I remember in Australia, those kind of days, weeks after that moment. It was like I was floating along the streets. I was so free, I was feeling so connected with people, like I had just woken up. On to Cambridge University…and a fated bus trip Me: Yeah. Wow! And so how did you get from there to Cambridge University? Corrina: Yeah, so I decided that I wanted to do teacher training so I came to Cambridge University and signed up for the English and Drama teacher training course here. And on that very first day in class, they sat me next to this woman called Sam. There was something about her that just immediately kind of, like something just…a light bulb went off or something just happened. It was like ‘Huh, she’s just come on my radar really strongly, why am I paying attention to her so much?’ So she was really in my awareness and we were both in the same school together so we were both placed to do our teacher practice in the same school. And on the first day of teaching practice, I got onto the bus that would take us to our practice school and I got on and she was sitting in the front seat. Now I always need to sit in the front seat in a bus because I get travel sick. So I just went over to her…I’d already clocked her as someone who was on my radar, and I just said “Oh, are you OK if I join you in the front seat?” And she said “Yeah sure, I have to sit here because I get travel sick” and I said “Oh me too!” So we sat side by side and over the months to come we became best friends. Just absolutely clicked, became best friends, incredible support through the whole teaching practice. A brave declaration Me: And was there any like physical attraction at that stage? Or did that come later? Corrina: Immediately! Immediately, I was like ‘Huh! What is this woman doing to me, what is this, what is happening here? I just feel energized around her, she lights me up, I feel excited, I feel like the world is just kind of shinier…’ Me: Wow! Corrina: Everything just felt brighter and more energized. Me: It sounds like a good, a good…I don’t know, I mean, I’ve never like taken acid or anything but (laughs) it sounds like, you know, a positive drug experience without the drugs, right? Corrina: (laughs) Totally! Totally, a kind of ‘switch-on, turn-on, I’m awake, I’m alive, oh my gosh, who are you’ kind of thing. Me: Was it the same for her as well? Corrina: Well what was so funny was that over the months that then came, was that I basically told her (laughs). I just said “Basically I’ve realized that I’m just completely in love with you. Do you feel that too?” Me: Wow! That was so brave of you cause you were friends at that stage, right? Like best friends, you don’t want to wreck your relationship with your best friend by taking the risk but you did! Corrina: I just did! And that’s kind of, you know, the kind of continuity of the whole spiritual journey for me of just like I’m free. You know, I’m free. If I feel this thing, I have to follow my heart. I have to just blurt out like “I’m in love with you, I don’t know if you feel the same way”. And to start out with, it wasn’t something that she let herself feel straight away. Determined and keeping faith Me: So what did she say when you said this? When you blurted this out? Corrina: She said “You know, I feel really connected with you, I love you a lot as a friend, but it’s not romantic for me”. Me: And how did that make you feel? Corrina: Oh, heartbroken. Absolutely heartbroken. But also there was something… it was almost like inside I was going ‘You just wait!’ (laughs) ‘You just wait. I know that you’re the one for me, I’ll just be patient, I’ll just hang on’. Me: Oh wow! Other people though could have had quite a different reaction, right? I mean some people might have, I imagine anyway, some people might have just, you know, stayed in the heartbroken phase and then just walked away, right? And lost it. Corrina: No, I believed, I really had faith that this… There was a reason I was feeling this way, I couldn’t ignore it, I couldn’t shake it, I just kept believing in it and stayed consistently just loving her and being a good friend in the months where… You know, it took 3 months basically of us staying friends and me just loving her, and loving her, and loving her. And then just after Christmas we got together as a couple. And just before Christmas… Me: And what happened? So how did that happen? Like you’re friends, it’s been like you know 3 months, she knows how you feel, did she just all of a sudden like make a move? Or did she say something to you? Corrina: Well, I made the move. Again. Me: (laughs) Oh my god! So it’s like ‘OK I’ve already been kind of rejected once, let me have another go’. Right? Corrina: Exactly! (laughs) Or a few gos! So there was that initial conversation and then there was another conversation where I basically said – this was just before Christmas – I basically said “Are you sure?” Me: Oh my god! Corrina: “I still feel this thing…” and she again was like “No really, we’re just friends”. So that was the second time and then third time lucky! I just made a move and I thought ‘You know what? I’m just gonna take a risk again, I’m just gonna be bold. What’s the worst that can happen? Rejection, right? What’s the best that can happen? I can be with the love of my life’. Me: Oh my god – yeah but that was still just so…Right, OK. That was still just so brave. Once is already like super brave, right? Braver than most people. Twice is like oh my god, you know, three times you start to think OK, hmmm… Corrina: Yeah, and it worked! (laughs) Third time lucky and it was just after Christmas and that was now 13 years ago – 14 years ago. What was she thinking? Me: And so what did she, like…You made the move and what did she then say? Was she like ‘oh I didn’t know until you touched me’ or was she like ‘oh I realized it at the same time as you’ or was she… Corrina: I think it was less of a thought thing. It was just, you know, when it happened then it just felt right. Like ‘oh this is where I was meant to be, OK, got it’. Me: And that’s what she felt too? Was that how she verbalised it to you? Corrina: Well and to give her credit here, so she’s gay and I’m bi, right? So for a gay woman, if a bisexual woman says ‘I’m in love with you’, there’s gonna be a sense of ‘hmm, OK maybe you’re just trying this out, maybe actually this is just a kind of short-term thing for you and really you’re gonna want to be with guys’ Me: Yeah, I’ve heard that, yeah. Proving her love Corrina: So it’s a real credit for her that for those months she was, you know, guarding her heart for that, because you don’t know what’s gonna happen, if that person declaring their love for you is gonna be constant. So I had to kind of prove that actually I meant it. When I said I loved her, I meant it and I was gonna be in it for the long haul. Me: So do you think that a part of her was not testing you, but kind of like unconsciously perhaps waiting? You know? Corrina: Yeah. Me: Oh OK, that makes a lot more sense. Cause in my mind I was imagining somebody who, you know, was neither gay nor bi and who maybe had, I don’t know, only gone out with guys or something and so then for somebody like that it would be much more of a 180, right? Corrina: Yeah, no she’s gay through and through. Me: Well, fortunately for you as it turns out, right? (laughs) The human being behind the coverings Corrina: Well that’s the thing for me as a bisexual woman. For me it’s not about the fact that I like men and women, it’s the fact that I like people and the gender is just irrelevant. And that’s kind of part of what happened in that spiritual awakening moment in Australia. It was like all of the coverings, you know, whether it’s our bodies or our personalities or any of that is kind of what covers the essence of us. And actually for me the essence of someone doesn’t have a gender. So I fell in love with her like I might have thought or indeed fell in love with guys in the past because I just fall in love with the person, you know, that essence of the human beings behind all the trappings. Me: That’s amazing because I feel the same way. It’s kind of weird how that works, right? It’s kind of like yeah, you feel the essence of the person. Seeing into the soul I mean I even had one guy say to me – this was like in a totally different context and we did not get together in the end but I do remember him saying to me at one point, I mean he wasn’t the right person for me but he was kind of freaked out at one stage. Because he was like “It’s like you want my soul!” and I was saying “It’s not that I want your soul, it’s that I see it!” I believe that I see it, right? And I think that you know, some people… I mean, credit to Sam as well because she’s obviously a really strong person too in that, you know, some people would be freaked out by that, right? Some people would be like ‘oh well…it’s the real me here that’s being…I don’t know if I want to say exposed but seen, right? Some people…we use those trappings to cover stuff up, right? As we all know, so…That brings a level of intimacy that’s probably quite cool I would imagine, right? Corrina: Yeah, and you know, don’t get me wrong, I love that she’s a woman as well. I love her long hair and her soft skin and her blue eyes, all the things that make her a woman as well I love. So it’s not like I don’t see those things, but that was never gonna be a filter, like I would only go for… The spectrum of sexuality Me: Yeah. I mean it’s really interesting because I…for me, I’m sure, I would imagine perhaps for you as well, I see the whole homosexual/heterosexual thing as this big spectrum and I have a really good friend who…Well I do playback theater and one of my friends, she’s in a playback theater troupe where they’re all either bi or gay or whatever, and then we did a workshop at one point. They were inviting guest playbackers to go. And one of the exercises they did that was…I just thought it was really cool. They said ‘put yourself…if stage left is like totally 100 percent gay and stage right is totally 100 percent heterosexual, put yourself on the spectrum, place yourself physically where you think you are’. It was really cool to see people, you know, all along the stage, all at different points. I just thought that was very normal, right? Because we’re all…for me, anyway, in my mind we’re all spiritual beings and so as you say, there’s no gender there, right? Corrina: And for some people there are. You know, that’s the thing, people who are that kind of 100 percent on the spectrum, brilliant, they’re really clear that they only want people of the opposite or the same sex. Yes, spectrum is beautiful. What Corrina does now Me: Yeah, wow! So now I really want to know more then about how… (laughs)…how you went from, well, what you do now to help people with their relationships. Because obviously you have a lot more knowledge than when you were in primary school and I know you’re helping people with a lot more than how to not get unwanted pregnancies and things! (laughs) Corrina: (laughs) Absolutely! Me: So what do you do now with people and how do you help them have these beautiful, deep relationships? Corrina: Yeah, and my work is around all relationships that are important. So it’s…my clients, some of them it’s really about their partner relationship but for others it’s about their relationship with their mom or their daughter or their brother. For me, connection…it’s a kind of cliche but connection is what we’re hard wired for. We as human beings love to connect, we love to love people with our full hearts. But there are so many things that stop that from happening within us. We get resentful, we get frustrated, we get disappointed, we feel let down, we feel indignant, all of this. And I over the course of my own personal journey have found a very, very miraculous way of dealing with all those blocks. So it’s the process of questioning your thoughts, questioning your stories, that block connection. An example of our made-up stories So let’s say I’m with Sam and let’s say she’s saying something that sounds critical. My story in my head goes, ‘she’s criticizing me, she doesn’t love me, she’s being mean to me’. You know, ‘I want her to be kind, I want her not to point out my flaws’, all of that. That is all story. It’s all mental. It’s all… Me: Yes! It’s all made up. Corrina: It’s all made up! And we don’t realize it, we think, ‘no but this is true, she’s criticizing me, this is what’s happening’. And so what I am so blessed to have come into contact with a number of years ago is the process of questioning those thoughts. Just sitting with those thoughts and asking them, ‘Is this true? Is this accurate, is this the correct interpretation of what’s going on?’ Not just is it true that that’s what’s going on, but is it true that I would be better off if it were happening differently? Me: OK… Corrina: Like am I sure? So let’s say your loved one is truly critizing you. They’re saying to you “you’re a stupid, ugly, whatever, whatever”. Can I be sure that my happiness depends on them not saying that? Can I be sure that I can only feel good about myself and peaceful if they stop doing that? Because it sets up a very limited version of life if I’m always waiting for someone else to give me something, to give me what I think I need in order to be peaceful and happy. It’s like I delay my peace and my happiness until other people and other circumstances arrange themselves in just the right way. Our rules…and our scripts Me: Yeah, it’s like our rules, right? Where we all have these rules about what has to happen for us to be happy and the more…the easier it is to be happy, then the happier we are, right? Corrina: Exactly, exactly. I talk about our scripts. It’s like, I realized pretty early on with Sam that I had a script, that if she followed this script and she said and she did exactly what I, you know, expected her to do then I would feel happy, but if she went off script then I wouldn’t be happy, I’d be pissed off. She really helped me see this, she said to me one day “Why don’t you just give me your fucking script Corrina! Give me your script, tell me what I need to do”. And I was like “How dare you! This is just what you’re meant to do, you’re my wife, this is how you’re meant to treat me”. Then it kind of dawned on me a few days later, like ‘oh my gosh, my script is the source of all of my unhappiness. Every moment that I want her to be doing something other than what’s reality, I am causing my own unhappiness’. Corrina’s ‘big work’ Me: Right. So then your relationship was, I guess, far from…I don’t want to say far from idyllic, but you had to work through some of this stuff in your relationship with Sam? Corrina: One hundred percent. I wouldn’t be doing this work if I hadn’t had to…if this hadn’t been my big work. You know, so yes like I was completely besotted with her in the beginning, and we got together and it was blissful, and then all my stories started to kick in. ‘Hmmm, well she’s not this’ and ‘hmmm, she said that and that’s not OK’ and ‘would I be better off with someone who did this’ and you know, all those stories eroded what I had imagined would be this perfect relationship. So it’s like I had to work on that, I had to take those stories and stop those stories from sabotaging this beautiful relationship that we had underneath all those stories. Me: Yeah. It’s good that you managed to do that, thank goodness, right? Corrina: I mean, it saved my marriage. It saved my relationship. A daily practice Me: And did it take a long time? Corrina: Yeah, it’s a daily practice. It really is a daily practice, it’s like if you want to be fit, like you’ve done today (laughs), you go to the gym, you go for a run, you do your yoga. You don’t just be like ‘oh I’ll do it one time and then it’s done’. If you want a healthy, thriving, fit relationship with anybody, whether it’s your son or your dad or your sister, there’s daily practice to do. There’s daily work to do every time you get triggered, every time something gets in the way of you being totally, wholeheartedly connected with the human being in front of you, you’ve got something to look at there. Me: Yeah, but at least you can…I mean, what am I trying to say, there comes a time when you catch yourself, right? At least, you know, having done a certain amount of work, then you can get to the point where you see what’s happening, right? As an observer almost and you can go ‘OK hang on, I’m doing this again, this is my script’. Whereas at the beginning, you know, when people aren’t even aware of their scripts, I imagine it takes them a little bit… well it depends on the person I guess, right? How much time it would take them to start to see and to start to implement I guess the tools that you give them, right? Corrina: Absolutely, yes, you’re completely spot on. When you get triggered And you know, now I’m at the point where I get triggered and it could be like anything, right? It could be I’m on Facebook and I see a message from someone and I feel like ‘oh they should have, you know, complimented me rather than give me negative feedback on something’. Right? Instantly, ‘oh! OK, there’s a trigger! A button’s gotten pushed’. And now I’m at the point where I’m like ‘Oooh, good, what’s here for me?’ Me: I do the same thing, that’s really funny! Yeah, I had something that happened the other day that made me so angry and then I’m like ‘OK if this is making me this angry and, you know, the other 30 people in the room are not angry, they actually think it’s quite cute…’ (laughs) We all get triggered, even by 8-year old authors I’ll tell you what it was, it was quite funny. I was at this day workshop with an amazing speaker and there was this little girl, she’s like 8 years old and she’s written a book. Actually she’s written 3 books, right? Corrina: Wow! Me: And it made me so annoyed! And I just thought…you know, not only envious, obviously envious, you know, 3 books at age 8, but also annoyed because, you know, her mom was there and I knew what it was. It brought up all the old scripts of, you know, stage mothers because I did theater before and so I had a good friend who had a stage mother who was just absolutely unbearable whereas, you know, my mom was the opposite. So I see what you mean, you get these reactions, right, that are completely irrational because the people around me were applauding her and they were like ‘oh isn’t that wonderful’ and I was like inside going ‘this is making me so angry!’ But we all get triggered, don’t we, right? Examples of tiny triggers Corrina: Oh, everyone. And it could be like the tiniest thing, that’s what I always find fascinating. It could be just one line in an email. Or it could be just the way that your partner, you know, turns over in their sleep, just the tiniest little things. Often my clients say to me “Oh, you know, I can’t bring this to you today, it’s just so small” and I’m like “No, no, that’s exactly what to bring!”. The fact that he put tofu in the stir fry rather than kidney beans, you know. There was something, there was some offense against you. So there you are with that 8 year old girl, that offense that she’s committing against you in that moment that’s kind of violating something is like, you know, ‘she’s further ahead than me’ or ‘she’s achieved one of my life goals’ or, you know… Me: Yeah, and she’s 8 and I’m 55! Corrina: And she’s 8! It’s just to be so compassionate with ourselves that ‘oh look, there’s this part of me that feels in some way threatened or violated or hurt by this, let me just so lovingly look there and heal that part of myself’. Being compassionate with yourself Me: Ah, yeah, that’s a really key point there that you brought up so I just wanted to emphasize it, yeah. That being compassionate with that part of ourselves, right? Rather than being like, OK, you know, with that kind of…what’s the word, forced smile on our faces, going ‘Ah, another beautiful part of me to transform’, you know (laughs), right? Right? And we can be quite hard on ourselves with that, right, and be like ‘OK what’s at the bottom of this!’ and take a kind of like pickaxe to it. At least that’s what I would do or could do rather than choosing to as you say, acknowledge with love that part of ourselves and treat it as part of, you know, part of the inner child or whatever you want to call it, that needs love and compassion. That’s a really interesting point that we don’t want to forget. Wow! That’s very cool. How to work with Corrina So when you work with people, I would love to hear just a bit more about what the different ways are that you…Do people come to see you in an office, or do you do things online, or how does that work? Corrina: Yes, so right now it’s one to one. There’s a potential of me offering something else in the kind of group workshop, retreat way, but not for now. What I do is I do free videos, everyone can just watch a free video every week, all about relationship hotspots and how to move past them, and then if people feel inspired and really like they’re wanting that support, they can have the one to one coaching. And for now that is by Skype or by phone, and I’m just starting to also offer that in person as well for people who I’m unable to physically meet with. Me: Yeah. That’s really fantastic, well thank you so much. What I’ll do is, I’ll link to everything that you do in the show notes but where’s the best place for people to look online to find out more about what you’re doing and more about you and to get access to the videos and things? An online video library…and a 7 Day Relationship Challenge Corrina: Yeah, so if they go to corrinagordonbarnes.com, I’ll just spell that out, and if you go to the blog page that’s where I’ve got all the videos and articles that have happened so far. So that’s a really good place just to go, it’s like settling into a library of relationship wisdom and gems, just settling in and watching some of the videos and just seeing if the approach makes sense to you. The right people for this work are people who watch a video and go ‘oh my gosh, that makes so much sense!’ And they apply that tip that I’m sharing and they come back and they say “Wow I had this incredible experience with my mom! Because I did the thing that you…” I do like challenges in the video so they’re like “I did the challenge that you set and I had a completely different experience with my mom this week, thank you!” Me: That’s brilliant! Corrina: It’s so good, it’s so satisfying. So on the blog page that’s where people can look at all the videos so far. And on the homepage people can sign up for the free 7 Day Relationship Challenge. 7 days to feel more connected Me: That sounds intriguing for sure! Corrina: Yes! It’s 7 days to feel more connected, that’s the overarching focus. How can you feel more connected? That beautiful feeling of just wholehearted connection with the person in front of you, and I give a number of challenges that you can actually implement to help you feel that way. Me: That is really fantastic! Well, I mean yeah, because as you say, we’re all starving for connection and I mean, we could do a whole episode just about the different ways people connect, right? Through food and smoking and alcohol, and, you know, apart from people, right? Corrina: Facebook! Me: Facebook! There’s so many…it’s a massive, massive topic but…so I wish we had more time! But thank you so much for being here to share your story, because I love your story and I love your journey and I really, really love what you’re doing right now, so I’m really grateful that you took the time to share that with us, so thank you so much! Corrina: You’re very welcome, thank you so much! A food to help with travel sickness So now I mentioned at the beginning of this episode that I’d share with you one of the best foods you can eat for help with travel sickness. And I think it will come as no surprise for most of you anyway to hear that that food is…ginger! Ginger has so many benefits it’s ridiculous. Not only can it help with travel sickness, but it’s also beneficial for other causes of nausea, like morning sickness, and it can help with pain relief as well. Why ginger is so helpful So this powerful little root contains loads of antioxidant and antiinflammatory compounds, including curcumin and capsaicin which are also found in turmeric which is another superfood. They’re part of the same plant family, turmeric, ginger and cardamom. Ginger also contains a ton of vitamins and minerals, including calcium, potassium, magnesium, phosphorus, niacin, iron, zinc and folate. A big list, right? And ginger is a great way to warm us up, because it’s a diaphoretic (that was my new word for today), which means that it heats the body from the inside out. So if you live in a cold climate for example, ginger can literally help warm you up inside. It also helps promote sweating, which is why it’s so good to have ginger tea if you’ve got a cold and you need to sweat out some toxins. Ginger even helps with pain relief But did you know that ginger can also help with pain relief? Two examples are exercise-induced muscle pain (so if you work out, eat some ginger), as well as menstrual cramps. So the next time you’re feeling crampy (I don’t know if that’s a word but I’ve just decided it is!), make yourself some strong ginger tea and see how you feel. Ginger can also help reduce inflammation, so scientists are looking to see if it can help with cancer, and particularly colon cancer. Ginger also is showing promise for helping treat that as well as inflammation caused by osteoarthritis. I’ll link to an article in the show notes that has more information about ginger’s many properties and benefits, it also includes links to the actual research in case you’d like to know more about that. And in addition I’ll link to an article that has some overall tips for avoiding travel sickness, including using ginger. So how do you eat ginger? If you need help with travel sickness and you want instant relief, well, you can definitely try peeling the root and gnawing on a piece…although I haven’t done that myself. Ginger’s pretty strong stuff. What I do is I usually juice a small piece of ginger with some carrots and apples for a really zinging morning juice. It tastes really, really good. Or you can pop a piece into your blender with other veggies and maybe some fruit for a green smoothie or a soup to give it a bit of a zing. It also helps you use less salt because it’s got a really strong flavor. Other people prefer to slice a few pieces into some very hot water and let it steep for a while with a slice or two of lemon to make ginger tea. And you can also grate ginger into soups, curries and other savory dishes. Or even just chop it finely and use it in stir-frys. I’ll link in the show notes to some recipes that I’ve got in my 5-Minute Mains recipe ebook that use ginger too, such as my Green Thai Curry. One thing for sure that I definitely recommend is that you use fresh ginger root wherever possible, rather than powdered ginger or capsules. I say that because the fresh vegetable is so easy to use and it’s always best I think to have the actual vegetable rather than some dried out version in a plastic capsule. But then again if capsules are all you have access to, better that than no ginger! If you do try something new with ginger, or something else that you feel can help with travel sickness, definitely share in the comments because I want to know! Have YOU got a story to share? Which brings us to the end of this week’s story – and if you’ve got a true story to share (and you’d like to know what food could have saved the day in your situation), I’d love to hear from you! Got a question, or a comment? Got a question, or a comment? Pop a note below in the comments, that would be awesome. You can also subscribe to the podcast to listen ‘on the go’ in iTunes. I hope you have an amazing day. Thank you so much for being here with me to share in my Clean Food, Dirty Stories. Bye for now! RESOURCES Link to 5-Minute Mains and other recipe ebooks: Article with nutritional information on ginger as well as links to scientific studies: Article with general tips to help with travel sickness: Corrina Gordon-Barnes is a Relationship Coach who’s committed to a world of happy couples and happy families. She teaches her clients how to be really good at relationships – how to love full-heartedly, let go of resentments, forgive, accept and live from power not victimhood. She lives in Cambridge, England with her wife, Sam.You can find Corrina at her website, on Twitter, Facebook and YouTube. Source link

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Corrina Gordon-Barnes’ journey from dating guys to finding a wife…thanks to travel sickness! And of course the best food to help with travel sickness (in case you’ve already found your partner…) In addition to this story, at the end of this episode I’ll share with you the best food for travel sickness (in case you’ve already found your wife or partner). OK enough hints from me, let’s get on with the story. Our guest, Corrina Gordon-Barnes I am super excited to be joined here today for our story by Corrina Gordon-Barnes. Corrina is a Relationship Coach who’s committed to a world of happy couples and happy families. She teaches her clients how to be really good at relationships. So Corrina, welcome to the Clean Food, Dirty Stories podcast! I’m really excited to have you here today! Corrina: Thank you so much for inviting me to connect with you. Me: Oh well you’re so welcome! I love your story and I really can’t wait for us to share it with everybody. Corrina’s story, starting with being boy mad Me: Without further ado, the first question I wanted to ask you…and I’ve said a little bit about what you do now, but when you were small, or younger, how did you see your dream relationship one day? Did you have princess dreams or did you have a particular type of partner in mind before you actually met your life partner? Corrina: Well, I was boy mad. Me: Boy mad! Corrina: Boy mad, like going through my primary school years, I remember that I was the one in my class who learned about sex really early. I was the one who would get all these teenage magazines, even as a late primary school age kid, and I would be teaching my friends at school. “You can get pregnant the first time you have sex” and “be careful with your boyfriend”. Me: Oh my god! A relationship expert…in primary school Corrina: I was like this relationship expert, even at that age I was teaching my friends. Like “these are all the myths, don’t do this, do this” and so I was kind of boy mad, I was relationship mad. Getting into my teens I remember with my friends we would literally kind of go out prowling the streets. We would walk along the high street in my town where I lived and we would be looking for boys and we would be kind of flirting and coy. There was always some boy that I had my eye on. Always some guy who had my attention, I would try and make sure I was in the same place as him so that he would see me… Me: Sounds familiar, yeah. So I was definitely, I definitely wanted boys. That was very clear to me. Me: And you got engaged to a boy at one stage, right? Corrina: Yeah, so I had one really long term relationship before I met who is now my partner, and we got engaged at age 17. Me: Wow! We were gonna get married and we were gonna have all these babies and we were gonna live in this particular kind of house and have this life… That was the path that I thought I was on at that age. Me: So then what happened to take you off that path? The path to self-discovery Corrina: Well that relationship was not the right one, and so that ended 4 years later and I stayed then single for quite a while. You know, I was really wanting to find myself. So I went on this whole spiritual, personal growth journey. I read every book I could get, I did meditation, I went vegan… It had this whole kind of personal growth change in my life. Me: What do you think prompted that? Was it the end of that relationship that prompted that? I mean, what were your thoughts? Were you just like ‘Oh I think I need to take care of myself more’ or become a different person, or…? Corrina: I was in Australia and I was just there travelling for a year. And I met this guy – surprisingly enough – in a cafe. He just said “Hey I go to this meditation course down the road, why don’t you come along”. And so I went and that very first moment, that very first time in the room with that meditation teacher, she told me that I was a spiritual being. She said to me – to the whole group but I really heard this – “You are a spirit soul having this human experience, but you are a spiritual being”. It was like someone had just told me who I was. Like “oh my gosh, that’s who I am, this human life is how I get to journey and explore and have an adventure, but I’m a spiritual being”. The layers (or the clothes) fall away Me: So did you have that as like an inner knowing, or how did you experience it? Because people experience those things in different ways, right? Some people experience a physical sensation of light, other people experience it as just an inner sense of knowing… Corrina: It was like all my clothes fell off. Me: (laughs) Um…I haven’t heard that one before! Corrina: It was like this casing, this casing just fell off. I literally woke up the next morning and I was vegan, I went from a complete meat eater to being vegan overnight just like that. And I was just on this journey then to just explore and discover myself and get back to the essential nature of my being. It was like everything that wasn’t true about me just kind of fell away over the coming months. Me: Wow. That’s very cool! Corrina: Yeah, it was pretty cool, I felt much lighter, it was like clothes coming off. I was just light, I was much, much lighter, much more energized, much freer, much more joyful. Me: It’s interesting that you say that for you, all your clothes coming off, like some people might associate that with being exposed, right? Being vulnerable. And for you, you associate that with being light. So that’s really interesting. Corrina: And just free. I remember in Australia, those kind of days, weeks after that moment. It was like I was floating along the streets. I was so free, I was feeling so connected with people, like I had just woken up. On to Cambridge University…and a fated bus trip Me: Yeah. Wow! And so how did you get from there to Cambridge University? Corrina: Yeah, so I decided that I wanted to do teacher training so I came to Cambridge University and signed up for the English and Drama teacher training course here. And on that very first day in class, they sat me next to this woman called Sam. There was something about her that just immediately kind of, like something just…a light bulb went off or something just happened. It was like ‘Huh, she’s just come on my radar really strongly, why am I paying attention to her so much?’ So she was really in my awareness and we were both in the same school together so we were both placed to do our teacher practice in the same school. And on the first day of teaching practice, I got onto the bus that would take us to our practice school and I got on and she was sitting in the front seat. Now I always need to sit in the front seat in a bus because I get travel sick. So I just went over to her…I’d already clocked her as someone who was on my radar, and I just said “Oh, are you OK if I join you in the front seat?” And she said “Yeah sure, I have to sit here because I get travel sick” and I said “Oh me too!” So we sat side by side and over the months to come we became best friends. Just absolutely clicked, became best friends, incredible support through the whole teaching practice. A brave declaration Me: And was there any like physical attraction at that stage? Or did that come later? Corrina: Immediately! Immediately, I was like ‘Huh! What is this woman doing to me, what is this, what is happening here? I just feel energized around her, she lights me up, I feel excited, I feel like the world is just kind of shinier…’ Me: Wow! Corrina: Everything just felt brighter and more energized. Me: It sounds like a good, a good…I don’t know, I mean, I’ve never like taken acid or anything but (laughs) it sounds like, you know, a positive drug experience without the drugs, right? Corrina: (laughs) Totally! Totally, a kind of ‘switch-on, turn-on, I’m awake, I’m alive, oh my gosh, who are you’ kind of thing. Me: Was it the same for her as well? Corrina: Well what was so funny was that over the months that then came, was that I basically told her (laughs). I just said “Basically I’ve realized that I’m just completely in love with you. Do you feel that too?” Me: Wow! That was so brave of you cause you were friends at that stage, right? Like best friends, you don’t want to wreck your relationship with your best friend by taking the risk but you did! Corrina: I just did! And that’s kind of, you know, the kind of continuity of the whole spiritual journey for me of just like I’m free. You know, I’m free. If I feel this thing, I have to follow my heart. I have to just blurt out like “I’m in love with you, I don’t know if you feel the same way”. And to start out with, it wasn’t something that she let herself feel straight away. Determined and keeping faith Me: So what did she say when you said this? When you blurted this out? Corrina: She said “You know, I feel really connected with you, I love you a lot as a friend, but it’s not romantic for me”. Me: And how did that make you feel? Corrina: Oh, heartbroken. Absolutely heartbroken. But also there was something… it was almost like inside I was going ‘You just wait!’ (laughs) ‘You just wait. I know that you’re the one for me, I’ll just be patient, I’ll just hang on’. Me: Oh wow! Other people though could have had quite a different reaction, right? I mean some people might have, I imagine anyway, some people might have just, you know, stayed in the heartbroken phase and then just walked away, right? And lost it. Corrina: No, I believed, I really had faith that this… There was a reason I was feeling this way, I couldn’t ignore it, I couldn’t shake it, I just kept believing in it and stayed consistently just loving her and being a good friend in the months where… You know, it took 3 months basically of us staying friends and me just loving her, and loving her, and loving her. And then just after Christmas we got together as a couple. And just before Christmas… Me: And what happened? So how did that happen? Like you’re friends, it’s been like you know 3 months, she knows how you feel, did she just all of a sudden like make a move? Or did she say something to you? Corrina: Well, I made the move. Again. Me: (laughs) Oh my god! So it’s like ‘OK I’ve already been kind of rejected once, let me have another go’. Right? Corrina: Exactly! (laughs) Or a few gos! So there was that initial conversation and then there was another conversation where I basically said – this was just before Christmas – I basically said “Are you sure?” Me: Oh my god! Corrina: “I still feel this thing…” and she again was like “No really, we’re just friends”. So that was the second time and then third time lucky! I just made a move and I thought ‘You know what? I’m just gonna take a risk again, I’m just gonna be bold. What’s the worst that can happen? Rejection, right? What’s the best that can happen? I can be with the love of my life’. Me: Oh my god – yeah but that was still just so…Right, OK. That was still just so brave. Once is already like super brave, right? Braver than most people. Twice is like oh my god, you know, three times you start to think OK, hmmm… Corrina: Yeah, and it worked! (laughs) Third time lucky and it was just after Christmas and that was now 13 years ago – 14 years ago. What was she thinking? Me: And so what did she, like…You made the move and what did she then say? Was she like ‘oh I didn’t know until you touched me’ or was she like ‘oh I realized it at the same time as you’ or was she… Corrina: I think it was less of a thought thing. It was just, you know, when it happened then it just felt right. Like ‘oh this is where I was meant to be, OK, got it’. Me: And that’s what she felt too? Was that how she verbalised it to you? Corrina: Well and to give her credit here, so she’s gay and I’m bi, right? So for a gay woman, if a bisexual woman says ‘I’m in love with you’, there’s gonna be a sense of ‘hmm, OK maybe you’re just trying this out, maybe actually this is just a kind of short-term thing for you and really you’re gonna want to be with guys’ Me: Yeah, I’ve heard that, yeah. Proving her love Corrina: So it’s a real credit for her that for those months she was, you know, guarding her heart for that, because you don’t know what’s gonna happen, if that person declaring their love for you is gonna be constant. So I had to kind of prove that actually I meant it. When I said I loved her, I meant it and I was gonna be in it for the long haul. Me: So do you think that a part of her was not testing you, but kind of like unconsciously perhaps waiting? You know? Corrina: Yeah. Me: Oh OK, that makes a lot more sense. Cause in my mind I was imagining somebody who, you know, was neither gay nor bi and who maybe had, I don’t know, only gone out with guys or something and so then for somebody like that it would be much more of a 180, right? Corrina: Yeah, no she’s gay through and through. Me: Well, fortunately for you as it turns out, right? (laughs) The human being behind the coverings Corrina: Well that’s the thing for me as a bisexual woman. For me it’s not about the fact that I like men and women, it’s the fact that I like people and the gender is just irrelevant. And that’s kind of part of what happened in that spiritual awakening moment in Australia. It was like all of the coverings, you know, whether it’s our bodies or our personalities or any of that is kind of what covers the essence of us. And actually for me the essence of someone doesn’t have a gender. So I fell in love with her like I might have thought or indeed fell in love with guys in the past because I just fall in love with the person, you know, that essence of the human beings behind all the trappings. Me: That’s amazing because I feel the same way. It’s kind of weird how that works, right? It’s kind of like yeah, you feel the essence of the person. Seeing into the soul I mean I even had one guy say to me – this was like in a totally different context and we did not get together in the end but I do remember him saying to me at one point, I mean he wasn’t the right person for me but he was kind of freaked out at one stage. Because he was like “It’s like you want my soul!” and I was saying “It’s not that I want your soul, it’s that I see it!” I believe that I see it, right? And I think that you know, some people… I mean, credit to Sam as well because she’s obviously a really strong person too in that, you know, some people would be freaked out by that, right? Some people would be like ‘oh well…it’s the real me here that’s being…I don’t know if I want to say exposed but seen, right? Some people…we use those trappings to cover stuff up, right? As we all know, so…That brings a level of intimacy that’s probably quite cool I would imagine, right? Corrina: Yeah, and you know, don’t get me wrong, I love that she’s a woman as well. I love her long hair and her soft skin and her blue eyes, all the things that make her a woman as well I love. So it’s not like I don’t see those things, but that was never gonna be a filter, like I would only go for… The spectrum of sexuality Me: Yeah. I mean it’s really interesting because I…for me, I’m sure, I would imagine perhaps for you as well, I see the whole homosexual/heterosexual thing as this big spectrum and I have a really good friend who…Well I do playback theater and one of my friends, she’s in a playback theater troupe where they’re all either bi or gay or whatever, and then we did a workshop at one point. They were inviting guest playbackers to go. And one of the exercises they did that was…I just thought it was really cool. They said ‘put yourself…if stage left is like totally 100 percent gay and stage right is totally 100 percent heterosexual, put yourself on the spectrum, place yourself physically where you think you are’. It was really cool to see people, you know, all along the stage, all at different points. I just thought that was very normal, right? Because we’re all…for me, anyway, in my mind we’re all spiritual beings and so as you say, there’s no gender there, right? Corrina: And for some people there are. You know, that’s the thing, people who are that kind of 100 percent on the spectrum, brilliant, they’re really clear that they only want people of the opposite or the same sex. Yes, spectrum is beautiful. What Corrina does now Me: Yeah, wow! So now I really want to know more then about how… (laughs)…how you went from, well, what you do now to help people with their relationships. Because obviously you have a lot more knowledge than when you were in primary school and I know you’re helping people with a lot more than how to not get unwanted pregnancies and things! (laughs) Corrina: (laughs) Absolutely! Me: So what do you do now with people and how do you help them have these beautiful, deep relationships? Corrina: Yeah, and my work is around all relationships that are important. So it’s…my clients, some of them it’s really about their partner relationship but for others it’s about their relationship with their mom or their daughter or their brother. For me, connection…it’s a kind of cliche but connection is what we’re hard wired for. We as human beings love to connect, we love to love people with our full hearts. But there are so many things that stop that from happening within us. We get resentful, we get frustrated, we get disappointed, we feel let down, we feel indignant, all of this. And I over the course of my own personal journey have found a very, very miraculous way of dealing with all those blocks. So it’s the process of questioning your thoughts, questioning your stories, that block connection. An example of our made-up stories So let’s say I’m with Sam and let’s say she’s saying something that sounds critical. My story in my head goes, ‘she’s criticizing me, she doesn’t love me, she’s being mean to me’. You know, ‘I want her to be kind, I want her not to point out my flaws’, all of that. That is all story. It’s all mental. It’s all… Me: Yes! It’s all made up. Corrina: It’s all made up! And we don’t realize it, we think, ‘no but this is true, she’s criticizing me, this is what’s happening’. And so what I am so blessed to have come into contact with a number of years ago is the process of questioning those thoughts. Just sitting with those thoughts and asking them, ‘Is this true? Is this accurate, is this the correct interpretation of what’s going on?’ Not just is it true that that’s what’s going on, but is it true that I would be better off if it were happening differently? Me: OK… Corrina: Like am I sure? So let’s say your loved one is truly critizing you. They’re saying to you “you’re a stupid, ugly, whatever, whatever”. Can I be sure that my happiness depends on them not saying that? Can I be sure that I can only feel good about myself and peaceful if they stop doing that? Because it sets up a very limited version of life if I’m always waiting for someone else to give me something, to give me what I think I need in order to be peaceful and happy. It’s like I delay my peace and my happiness until other people and other circumstances arrange themselves in just the right way. Our rules…and our scripts Me: Yeah, it’s like our rules, right? Where we all have these rules about what has to happen for us to be happy and the more…the easier it is to be happy, then the happier we are, right? Corrina: Exactly, exactly. I talk about our scripts. It’s like, I realized pretty early on with Sam that I had a script, that if she followed this script and she said and she did exactly what I, you know, expected her to do then I would feel happy, but if she went off script then I wouldn’t be happy, I’d be pissed off. She really helped me see this, she said to me one day “Why don’t you just give me your fucking script Corrina! Give me your script, tell me what I need to do”. And I was like “How dare you! This is just what you’re meant to do, you’re my wife, this is how you’re meant to treat me”. Then it kind of dawned on me a few days later, like ‘oh my gosh, my script is the source of all of my unhappiness. Every moment that I want her to be doing something other than what’s reality, I am causing my own unhappiness’. Corrina’s ‘big work’ Me: Right. So then your relationship was, I guess, far from…I don’t want to say far from idyllic, but you had to work through some of this stuff in your relationship with Sam? Corrina: One hundred percent. I wouldn’t be doing this work if I hadn’t had to…if this hadn’t been my big work. You know, so yes like I was completely besotted with her in the beginning, and we got together and it was blissful, and then all my stories started to kick in. ‘Hmmm, well she’s not this’ and ‘hmmm, she said that and that’s not OK’ and ‘would I be better off with someone who did this’ and you know, all those stories eroded what I had imagined would be this perfect relationship. So it’s like I had to work on that, I had to take those stories and stop those stories from sabotaging this beautiful relationship that we had underneath all those stories. Me: Yeah. It’s good that you managed to do that, thank goodness, right? Corrina: I mean, it saved my marriage. It saved my relationship. A daily practice Me: And did it take a long time? Corrina: Yeah, it’s a daily practice. It really is a daily practice, it’s like if you want to be fit, like you’ve done today (laughs), you go to the gym, you go for a run, you do your yoga. You don’t just be like ‘oh I’ll do it one time and then it’s done’. If you want a healthy, thriving, fit relationship with anybody, whether it’s your son or your dad or your sister, there’s daily practice to do. There’s daily work to do every time you get triggered, every time something gets in the way of you being totally, wholeheartedly connected with the human being in front of you, you’ve got something to look at there. Me: Yeah, but at least you can…I mean, what am I trying to say, there comes a time when you catch yourself, right? At least, you know, having done a certain amount of work, then you can get to the point where you see what’s happening, right? As an observer almost and you can go ‘OK hang on, I’m doing this again, this is my script’. Whereas at the beginning, you know, when people aren’t even aware of their scripts, I imagine it takes them a little bit… well it depends on the person I guess, right? How much time it would take them to start to see and to start to implement I guess the tools that you give them, right? Corrina: Absolutely, yes, you’re completely spot on. When you get triggered And you know, now I’m at the point where I get triggered and it could be like anything, right? It could be I’m on Facebook and I see a message from someone and I feel like ‘oh they should have, you know, complimented me rather than give me negative feedback on something’. Right? Instantly, ‘oh! OK, there’s a trigger! A button’s gotten pushed’. And now I’m at the point where I’m like ‘Oooh, good, what’s here for me?’ Me: I do the same thing, that’s really funny! Yeah, I had something that happened the other day that made me so angry and then I’m like ‘OK if this is making me this angry and, you know, the other 30 people in the room are not angry, they actually think it’s quite cute…’ (laughs) We all get triggered, even by 8-year old authors I’ll tell you what it was, it was quite funny. I was at this day workshop with an amazing speaker and there was this little girl, she’s like 8 years old and she’s written a book. Actually she’s written 3 books, right? Corrina: Wow! Me: And it made me so annoyed! And I just thought…you know, not only envious, obviously envious, you know, 3 books at age 8, but also annoyed because, you know, her mom was there and I knew what it was. It brought up all the old scripts of, you know, stage mothers because I did theater before and so I had a good friend who had a stage mother who was just absolutely unbearable whereas, you know, my mom was the opposite. So I see what you mean, you get these reactions, right, that are completely irrational because the people around me were applauding her and they were like ‘oh isn’t that wonderful’ and I was like inside going ‘this is making me so angry!’ But we all get triggered, don’t we, right? Examples of tiny triggers Corrina: Oh, everyone. And it could be like the tiniest thing, that’s what I always find fascinating. It could be just one line in an email. Or it could be just the way that your partner, you know, turns over in their sleep, just the tiniest little things. Often my clients say to me “Oh, you know, I can’t bring this to you today, it’s just so small” and I’m like “No, no, that’s exactly what to bring!”. The fact that he put tofu in the stir fry rather than kidney beans, you know. There was something, there was some offense against you. So there you are with that 8 year old girl, that offense that she’s committing against you in that moment that’s kind of violating something is like, you know, ‘she’s further ahead than me’ or ‘she’s achieved one of my life goals’ or, you know… Me: Yeah, and she’s 8 and I’m 55! Corrina: And she’s 8! It’s just to be so compassionate with ourselves that ‘oh look, there’s this part of me that feels in some way threatened or violated or hurt by this, let me just so lovingly look there and heal that part of myself’. Being compassionate with yourself Me: Ah, yeah, that’s a really key point there that you brought up so I just wanted to emphasize it, yeah. That being compassionate with that part of ourselves, right? Rather than being like, OK, you know, with that kind of…what’s the word, forced smile on our faces, going ‘Ah, another beautiful part of me to transform’, you know (laughs), right? Right? And we can be quite hard on ourselves with that, right, and be like ‘OK what’s at the bottom of this!’ and take a kind of like pickaxe to it. At least that’s what I would do or could do rather than choosing to as you say, acknowledge with love that part of ourselves and treat it as part of, you know, part of the inner child or whatever you want to call it, that needs love and compassion. That’s a really interesting point that we don’t want to forget. Wow! That’s very cool. How to work with Corrina So when you work with people, I would love to hear just a bit more about what the different ways are that you…Do people come to see you in an office, or do you do things online, or how does that work? Corrina: Yes, so right now it’s one to one. There’s a potential of me offering something else in the kind of group workshop, retreat way, but not for now. What I do is I do free videos, everyone can just watch a free video every week, all about relationship hotspots and how to move past them, and then if people feel inspired and really like they’re wanting that support, they can have the one to one coaching. And for now that is by Skype or by phone, and I’m just starting to also offer that in person as well for people who I’m unable to physically meet with. Me: Yeah. That’s really fantastic, well thank you so much. What I’ll do is, I’ll link to everything that you do in the show notes but where’s the best place for people to look online to find out more about what you’re doing and more about you and to get access to the videos and things? An online video library…and a 7 Day Relationship Challenge Corrina: Yeah, so if they go to corrinagordonbarnes.com, I’ll just spell that out, and if you go to the blog page that’s where I’ve got all the videos and articles that have happened so far. So that’s a really good place just to go, it’s like settling into a library of relationship wisdom and gems, just settling in and watching some of the videos and just seeing if the approach makes sense to you. The right people for this work are people who watch a video and go ‘oh my gosh, that makes so much sense!’ And they apply that tip that I’m sharing and they come back and they say “Wow I had this incredible experience with my mom! Because I did the thing that you…” I do like challenges in the video so they’re like “I did the challenge that you set and I had a completely different experience with my mom this week, thank you!” Me: That’s brilliant! Corrina: It’s so good, it’s so satisfying. So on the blog page that’s where people can look at all the videos so far. And on the homepage people can sign up for the free 7 Day Relationship Challenge. 7 days to feel more connected Me: That sounds intriguing for sure! Corrina: Yes! It’s 7 days to feel more connected, that’s the overarching focus. How can you feel more connected? That beautiful feeling of just wholehearted connection with the person in front of you, and I give a number of challenges that you can actually implement to help you feel that way. Me: That is really fantastic! Well, I mean yeah, because as you say, we’re all starving for connection and I mean, we could do a whole episode just about the different ways people connect, right? Through food and smoking and alcohol, and, you know, apart from people, right? Corrina: Facebook! Me: Facebook! There’s so many…it’s a massive, massive topic but…so I wish we had more time! But thank you so much for being here to share your story, because I love your story and I love your journey and I really, really love what you’re doing right now, so I’m really grateful that you took the time to share that with us, so thank you so much! Corrina: You’re very welcome, thank you so much! A food to help with travel sickness So now I mentioned at the beginning of this episode that I’d share with you one of the best foods you can eat for help with travel sickness. And I think it will come as no surprise for most of you anyway to hear that that food is…ginger! Ginger has so many benefits it’s ridiculous. Not only can it help with travel sickness, but it’s also beneficial for other causes of nausea, like morning sickness, and it can help with pain relief as well. Why ginger is so helpful So this powerful little root contains loads of antioxidant and antiinflammatory compounds, including curcumin and capsaicin which are also found in turmeric which is another superfood. They’re part of the same plant family, turmeric, ginger and cardamom. Ginger also contains a ton of vitamins and minerals, including calcium, potassium, magnesium, phosphorus, niacin, iron, zinc and folate. A big list, right? And ginger is a great way to warm us up, because it’s a diaphoretic (that was my new word for today), which means that it heats the body from the inside out. So if you live in a cold climate for example, ginger can literally help warm you up inside. It also helps promote sweating, which is why it’s so good to have ginger tea if you’ve got a cold and you need to sweat out some toxins. Ginger even helps with pain relief But did you know that ginger can also help with pain relief? Two examples are exercise-induced muscle pain (so if you work out, eat some ginger), as well as menstrual cramps. So the next time you’re feeling crampy (I don’t know if that’s a word but I’ve just decided it is!), make yourself some strong ginger tea and see how you feel. Ginger can also help reduce inflammation, so scientists are looking to see if it can help with cancer, and particularly colon cancer. Ginger also is showing promise for helping treat that as well as inflammation caused by osteoarthritis. I’ll link to an article in the show notes that has more information about ginger’s many properties and benefits, it also includes links to the actual research in case you’d like to know more about that. And in addition I’ll link to an article that has some overall tips for avoiding travel sickness, including using ginger. So how do you eat ginger? If you need help with travel sickness and you want instant relief, well, you can definitely try peeling the root and gnawing on a piece…although I haven’t done that myself. Ginger’s pretty strong stuff. What I do is I usually juice a small piece of ginger with some carrots and apples for a really zinging morning juice. It tastes really, really good. Or you can pop a piece into your blender with other veggies and maybe some fruit for a green smoothie or a soup to give it a bit of a zing. It also helps you use less salt because it’s got a really strong flavor. Other people prefer to slice a few pieces into some very hot water and let it steep for a while with a slice or two of lemon to make ginger tea. And you can also grate ginger into soups, curries and other savory dishes. Or even just chop it finely and use it in stir-frys. I’ll link in the show notes to some recipes that I’ve got in my 5-Minute Mains recipe ebook that use ginger too, such as my Green Thai Curry. One thing for sure that I definitely recommend is that you use fresh ginger root wherever possible, rather than powdered ginger or capsules. I say that because the fresh vegetable is so easy to use and it’s always best I think to have the actual vegetable rather than some dried out version in a plastic capsule. But then again if capsules are all you have access to, better that than no ginger! If you do try something new with ginger, or something else that you feel can help with travel sickness, definitely share in the comments because I want to know! Have YOU got a story to share? Which brings us to the end of this week’s story – and if you’ve got a true story to share (and you’d like to know what food could have saved the day in your situation), I’d love to hear from you! Got a question, or a comment? Got a question, or a comment? Pop a note below in the comments, that would be awesome. You can also subscribe to the podcast to listen ‘on the go’ in iTunes. I hope you have an amazing day. Thank you so much for being here with me to share in my Clean Food, Dirty Stories. Bye for now! RESOURCES Link to 5-Minute Mains and other recipe ebooks: Article with nutritional information on ginger as well as links to scientific studies: Article with general tips to help with travel sickness: Corrina Gordon-Barnes is a Relationship Coach who’s committed to a world of happy couples and happy families. She teaches her clients how to be really good at relationships – how to love full-heartedly, let go of resentments, forgive, accept and live from power not victimhood. She lives in Cambridge, England with her wife, Sam.You can find Corrina at her website, on Twitter, Facebook and YouTube. Source link

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How Kate Fisher found herself at the brink of death, having to choose between this world and another. Plus one of the best foods to feel grounded, to help you keep a level head and even make better decisions! OK enough hints from me, I’m sure you have no idea what that food is…or maybe you do, so let’s get on with the story. Our guest, Kate Fisher I am super excited to be joined here today for our story by Kate Fisher. Kate is a shamanic practitioner who specialises in helping others to connect with the power that is already within them. She is also an artist, and she works with drums, paint and clay to create shamanic tools, paintings and ceramics. And she works with people not only face to face, but also at a distance which I think is very cool. She has a pretty incredible story to share which I think you’re going to love! So Kate, welcome to the Clean Food, Dirty Stories podcast! Kate: Thanks Barbara. Me: Yeah, it’s great to have you. I’m looking forward to sharing your story. Kate’s story Me: So you work in Norfolk, you live in Kent, but do you have a lot of trees surrounding you now? Because I know that you spent a lot of your childhood in trees, is that what you told me? Is that where your story begins? Kate: Yeah, it kind of is, I was much more into sitting in trees and hanging out there and not really with the other kids. It just felt calming and I later found out that what was actually happening was that I was speaking with the tree deities and the tree spirits themselves. Imaginary friends…with a difference Me: So like when most kids had imaginary friends, like little playmates and stuff, then you just had your playmates that were like in the trees and nature spirits and everything. That’s really cool, when I was little actually, I didn’t play with the other kids either. I was with them but I was a tiger roaring and crawling on the floor. So there were no nature spirits for me, just a bunch of crawling around. On to herbalism At one point you studied herbalism, is that right? How did you come to study that? Kate: Well, I began studying it. After doing my art degree, I actually got a job in Neal’s Yard Remedies in Norwich. And so that just kind of brought me back to plants and their uses. The medicinal uses were the sort of thing I was drawn to. I was going to move to Australia to do the whole course of naturopathy. There was something still missing from that for me. So from that I actually found magical herbalism. Me: Okay. Kate: Yeah, so that’s kind of like hedge witchcraft. It’s understanding that everything has an energy and you can use that energy to help heal and help rebalance. Me: I know about wild plants, you know, and collecting wild plants and just eating them because they taste really good, and I know that nettles for example are really good for arthritis, just little things that you kind of pick up. But that’s kind of all I know. So is it like making teas for people and poultices and things like that out of plants and stuff? Kate: No, no, it’s purely energetic, so it’s basically like spellcasting. Me: OK. Magic herbalism, then on to the Philippines Kate: So you would use certain herbs and plants that have certain attributes and they often correspond with the medicinal uses as well. And you’d kind of enchant them and then you’d make them into little sachets to hand to people and once they’d got their use from it, they would bury it. It was always just for an energetic purpose. Me: Oh OK. Kate: It’s like the old wives’ tale of putting certain things above the door so things can’t come in. Me: I get it. OK. So you were doing herbalism but then I think you stopped, is that right, and you moved to the Philippines? Is that right? Kate: Yeah, that’s right. So magical herbalism still wasn’t doing it for me and I still felt there was something more. And I came across a book and it was called Chance Spirit Shamanism, and this just sent me off! I knew that I had to do something with this because it would take me deeper into that plant realm. The way I actually got to the Philippines was through my ceramics, with a job as a teacher over there. The House of Happiness Me: How did you get that job? That’s really cool. Kate: A Filipino lady, her family ran the college there and she approached me and asked if I would teach there. Me: Wow! Kate: Unfortunately it was in Manila and for me that was just too busy. It’s a really built city with really rich and really poor areas. I found this place called Bahay Kalipay which means the House of Happiness. So I went there, I volunteered and from there I taught this process called The Inner Dance, and this was precisely when my Saturn return hit. I had just turned 28 and I decided to drop everything, I sold everything that I owned in England basically, and I decided to move to the Philippines. Kate’s Saturn return Me: Wow. So can you just…sorry, can you explain to people, some people that may not know, what is a Saturn return and why does it just – cause I’ve experienced one too – what is a Saturn return and why does it turn your life upside down? Kate: Yeah, well, OK. The Saturn return is…Saturn’s in a certain place in the night sky and what happens is when that then comes around which obviously it takes 28 to 30 years to come round in your astrological chart, that changes everything. You’re then kind of pushed or encouraged onto a path that you should have been taking that you may have been diverted from. Some people’s is really turbulent, other people it can be quite free flowing depending on what their life path life has taken. And then this happens again normally in women’s time, it’s normally around the menopause. Me: Well it would be like 28 years later, right? Kate: Exactly, yeah, it’s on that time scale. So it really can turn your life upside down because Saturn’s known as the teacher. If you haven’t learned your lessons, you’re gonna learn them! Why the Philippines Me: Yup! I’ve experienced that so I know exactly what you mean. Yeah, so it can be quite big life changes and stuff, right? What made you decide to move to the Philippines? Kate: Well, in all honesty a man. Me: (laughs) As so often happens… Kate: And he worked at the retreat center that I went to. Yeah, I kind of knew that it wasn’t gonna work out but I’m always this kind of romantic person, I’m just gonna follow my heart…I loved it there anyway because it was just so beautiful and I felt so held there, just on the land. Me: Yeah. So you moved to the Philippines, so if you moved because of him, did you stay with him and then, like, what happened? Releasing inner blocks Kate: Well, I think I moved in with him to begin with, him and his family. And then I went back to work at the retreat center for meditation and the inner dance which is kind of meditative. It allows the flow of energy and any blockages to come out, it can be quite cathartic and transformative in itself. So I went back there and lived there, and I did that for 8 months. I was looking for land to buy as well. Me: So you were gonna buy land in the Philippines? That’s very cool. You said at one point that you had a kind of like dark night of the soul, was that related to the guy? Or… Kate: It was all, you know, a whole lump of stuff rolled in together (laughs). That’s what happens, isn’t it? Me: All at the same time, of course, yeah. Crying in paradise Kate: All at the same time. So yeah, for me, I was in paradise but I was crying my eyes out every day. Me: Oh! Kate: Yeah, and it was just this kind of ultimate depression, but this was something different, it was a transformative kind of time. And I ended up not really seeing the point in life, so I went from, you know, being on a real high and feeling the connection between all things and all of this and then just fell apart and thought, “Well, if everything is nothing and nothing is everything, then what’s the point?” Me: Oh, yeah, I’ve felt like that before so I can relate, yeah. Wow. From the Philippines to Peru Me: And so from there, how did you…you said that you then went to Peru, right? So how did you go from the Philippines to Peru? Did you just one day up and decide to leave, or was there a specific incident where you thought ‘OK I’ve had enough, I’m going to leave now’? Or… Kate: Well I, I’d gone to America to visit my friends over there and then while I was there I phoned this person… Me: Somebody in Peru? Kate: No, sorry, I phoned my boyfriend at the time. Yeah, and he ended up going “Oh I’ve decided I’m going to be a Peace Pilgrim”. Me: A Peace Pilgrim? What’s that? Kate: So it’s someone who walks around without anything, but just goes spreading peace and basically relies on anyone around them to support them. He said “This is my highest excitement”. So I was like, “OK, fine”. Obviously I was a bit heartbroken because I’d just travelled the other side of the world, but it made me suddenly realize that I wasn’t following my highest excitement. So I thought “OK, what’s happening right now? Where’s the mother of all plant learnings?” And it’s happening in Peru, with Ayahuasca, with Huachuma… Ayahuasca and Huachuma Me: What’s huachuma? I mean, I know Ayahuasca and in fact I spoke about that in a previous episode, but what’s huachuma? Kate: Huachuma is also known as San Pedro. San Pedro was the Catholic name they gave when they kind of came over to the South Americas. Huachuma is the original name for it. It’s a cactus that is mescalin-based, so it’s similar to the peyote which is a mescalin-based medicine. Me: Oh OK. So it’s a similar kind of experience with…like a journey like you would do as if you were taking Ayahuasca but you’re taking Huachuma? Kate: It’s similar, yeah. Huachuma’s much more about the earth and less cosmic. Ayahuasca is out there, attaching to everything that is. Huachuma’s about the heart, about connecting back to the earth. Me: Wow. OK, so you did both of those when you were there? Kate: Yeah, that’s right, so I spent 6 months being an apprentice to both of those plants. Me: Oh wow! So now are you able to perform Ayahuasca and Huachuma ceremonies for other people? Kate: I believe I can hold ceremony for Huachuma for other people. With Ayahuasca I decided that I’m just always going to be her apprentice (laughs). I just don’t see how people hold space for that, it’s such a powerful thing. Temazcals (sweat lodges) Me: OK. So you did those, and you also mentioned temazcals, you know, the sweat lodges, what were those like? Kate: It’s really magical. So for somebody who doesn’t, who doesn’t know about a temazcal, can you say a little bit about like what it is? Because I’ve done one, but not everybody knows about it, right? Could you say a little bit about like what it is and what happens and why you might want to do a sweat lodge? Kate: OK. It’s a really sacred ceremony and our ancestors have always used it to cleanse, to rebirth. To go into those sweat lodges is like going back into the mother’s womb. You go in there with thanks, knowing what you want to get rid of or what you want to transition into. And you bless the rocks which are put into a sacred fire. Me: Sacred fire? Kate: Yes. They then heat those for several hours and then you will go into the lodge. You normally go through about four, yeah, four rounds. They’ll bring in a certain number of rocks, and then water is poured onto the rocks once the door is closed. Me: And it gets really, really hot, I remember. Kate: It does. But it builds, it’s not like going into a sauna. Your body gradually kind of gets used to it until it gets so hot that you’re just like “Oh no I can’t do this!” But quite often, we always say that the heat is your friend. Because that heat is sometimes not physical heat, it’s sometimes you know, coming up against maybe a blockage of the energy of the thing that you’re trying to shift, so if you can, stay in. The eyebrow of the Peruvian jungle Me: And so how did you…how did you go from doing the sweat lodges and the Ayahuasca and Huachuma ceremonies to the jungle? Cause you said that you were…I know that you mentioned to me that you were in the jungle with some friends and you had a pretty scary experience there. Can you say a little bit about like how you came to be there, and what happened? Kate: Yeah, definitely. I was – I suppose – an assistant to the woman that owned the retreat center. And we’d become really good friends because we obviously worked really closely together. We were offered a piece of land possibly in a part of the jungle called Manu which is known as the eyebrow of the jungle of Peru. So we went to visit. And our friend who also went with us, he was also an Andean priest. He went and hired a boat and took us to this special island which had quite rare breeds of certain animals, mammals and things. So he takes us over there and we’re just so excited to see a different part and see rare species. Onto the land, you know you just start walking around and admiring things. I think it was about a third of the way around this island and all of a sudden something hit me. When the jungle gets angry Kate: It felt like I’d suddenly started menstruating but it wasn’t that time, it felt like all of my guts were just turning around. I just suddenly went white. Me: Wow! Kate: Literally it just felt like, I don’t know, I could have eaten something that didn’t agree with me, all that kind of stuff. So my friend tried to do an echo cleansing on me. Now all that did – this is the dirty part of the story – was give me diarrhea. It was awful. My body was emptying, everything was too heavy. I was getting rid of everything. It was really quite scary as it progressed. And then this feeling came over me that the jungle was angry. There was always this element of kind of doubt, skepticism I guess. Getting lost in another world But I was about to get lost in another world. The jungle felt like it was pulling me. The world that I knew, that part of the jungle that I was seeing with my physical eyes was disappearing. Me: Wow! That’s scary! Kate: Terrifying. And interesting at the same time. Me: Yeah, kind of like ‘this is really scary but this is really cool!’ Kate: I mean I got really scared up until the point where I thought, ‘OK, maybe I’m going to leave this other world that I know and I’m gonna be taken to another world’. And when I reached that level of acceptance, you know, that strange place of like ‘OK this is just happening’, I told my friends to go on without me. I said, “This is where I stop”. And it was like, it was, I don’t know, it was like I was disappearing. Me: Wow. Kate: Yeah, I…after feeling scared it was suddenly this peace that took over. But then my friends became scared because they realized how real this had become. You know, they couldn’t just leave me in the jungle. Me: Yeah. Kate: And the Andean priest, he was suddenly panicking around me. He was saying in Spanish, in Quechua, panicking about “Oh I haven’t done it, I haven’t done it, I haven’t done it!” He was going on about the ritual or the ceremony that we were supposed to do when we arrived at this land. A hurried ceremony Kate: And so all of a sudden he’s scrambling in his pockets to get things out and I was just flopped on the ground at this point and I had no idea what was going on around me other than his scrambling. He got out the cocoa leaves and he made like a little fan of these and he started doing ceremony. And he was doing all these different things around me but I didn’t have any awareness to be able to learn or witness or anything, it was like I was being absorbed into the jungle floor. The next thing I know he’s yanking me up off the ground saying “Stamp on the floor! Stamp on the floor!” Like this. And I was just like “I can’t do it, I can’t even lift my leg,” like I had nothing left, no physical ability whatsoever. But he was so persistent I just went and I just, I just kind of just flopped my foot on this space and I later found out that he’d buried the cocoa leaves there. And as I touched my foot down, something happened and I felt a little bit stronger. So then he went, “Again!” I stamped again a little bit harder with the strength that I’d found. And he said, “Again!” I stamped my foot even harder, and every time we did this, my energy started coming back and my color started coming back and I felt myself being drawn in, like my energy bodies being drawn back into this physical body. Until we’d done it enough that they felt comfortable with us making our way away from there. Me: Wow. Yeah, and then you just left at that point? Were you supposed to stay longer? Kate: I had to lay there while they went off in the boat for a while so I had to lay in the jungle for a bit and stop. Just to kind of recoup and make sure that I’d gathered all the parts of me back together I think. Me: Yeah, of course, yeah. Fear as teacher Kate: And I gave my thanks and you know, and I said, “Sorry for not knowing better”. I should have known better, that’s what I was there to learn, you know. How to respect these places. Me: Yeah, but you were there to learn. I would have thought the Andean priest would have… I mean, I would have been blaming him! (laughs) Right? Wasn’t he kind of there to, you know, to guide you and look after you? I mean I would have been like, “Dude you forgot something! Look what happened to me!” No? Kate: Well, I suppose, but I didn’t see things that way at that time. I kind of overtook responsibility if that makes sense. But I gave my thanks to the jungle at that point because that’s when my skepticism left and I really started to trust that Spirit is there to guide. And it really showed me its strength, and the only way it could do that was through fear. Me: Wow. Kate: Yeah, I was really, really grateful to have learned that lesson because without that I wouldn’t be able to practice, you know, the techniques that I do today. Me: I bet the Andean priest learned a lot too, right? I bet he never did that again! (laughs) Right? Kate: (laughs) I don’t think so! Me: Almost killed a tourist, can you imagine? Oh my goodness. Wow! What Kate does today So then you said that that experience helped you do the techniques that you do today, so how? Like, how come? What was it about that particular experience and what did you take from there I guess is what I want to ask, that you now use? Yeah, that you use now? Kate: Well it’s just the level of trust. Me: Ah, OK. That makes sense. Kate: When I’m doing the healings or ceremony or anything, I endeavour obviously – I mean sometimes ego gets in the way and makes you feel small. But that’s quite rare these days. I just allow Spirit and the ancestors to guide me. Me: Yup. Yeah, because you have that trust now thanks to your experience in the jungle. I get it, yeah. Wow! So then, yeah, what do you do now to help other people? Because I know you do lots of different things, do you want to say a little bit about that? Kate: Yeah, well the main thing that I endeavour to do, like anyone that I come across I try and support and empower. Even if it’s the smallest thing. And give people that different perspective on themselves. I think we’re so made to feel belittled and that we think that, you know, to think good of ourselves is to be arrogant. But actually we need to come to a space where we can be comfortable and love ourselves without that. Me: Yeah. Kate: It’s really hard to explain! I lead retreats and… Finding The Wild Woman Me: So what kinds of things do you do at the retreats? For example, do you take people on shamanic journeys as a group? Kate: So for the retreats, what I focus on at the moment is women. And I do this alongside a lovely lady called Amy who runs SoulShine social enterprise and we, well we call it Finding the Wild Woman. And it’s all about rewilding, so finding that part of you that’s been repressed through, you know, all the things that we should and shouldn’t do and expressing your authentic self. Me: Oh I like the sound of that, yup! Kate: So we do all sorts of things. Me: Wow, that sounds quite fun. Kate: Yeah, we use all the different elements as well. So you know, we run through kind of water, earth, fire, air, spirit…so people can connect back with those. The very base elements of this world. Me: Wow, that’s very cool. Individual help (even at a distance) Me: So you do those at the retreats, and then I think you said for individual people you help them find balance and things? Like what do you do for individuals? Because I know you also said you do some things at a distance as well. Kate: Yeah, so whether it’s distance or whether people are there, I’ll connect with them and I’ll allow Spirit and ancestors again to work through me. I use my drum, rattle, feathers, anything. I always ask if the person’s comfortable with it. Yeah, and then I use the vibe to kind of realign, as everything’s made of vibration. The intention is to realign those things, on any level that person wants to work. Me: OK. So do people normally come to you…yeah I would imagine people would come to you with a really specific problem, right? Can it be any kind of problem? Like, I don’t know, like everything from physical problems like physical ailments to maybe emotional problems or mental problems? Kate: Yeah, definitely. Me: So a bit of everything. Super! OK Kate: The most common tends to be physical or emotional, but actually you find out that they’re all interlinked so you just follow that path until… Me: Yeah, I know what you mean. Training for the Celtic sweat lodge Me: So do you run sweat lodges? Do you use that tool in your work at all? Kate: I’m not running them yet, I’m gonna do another 2 years learning the Celtic lodge. Me: So how long does it take then to train to learn the Celtic sweat lodges? Kate: Well, I’m taking three years to do it. Me: Three years, OK. Is that your choice to do it over a longer period? Kate: Yeah, I know that you can learn the practicalities in a couple of weekends, but to have the experience of actually supporting people through that process… Me: Oh yeah, that’s the biggest bit, yeah. Kate: It’s a very different ballgame. My own experience in a sweat lodge Me: Yeah, of course, cause I know, I mean I know for me that when I did a sweat lodge, yeah it was years ago now. And at the time I was…I was a total mess! And so when it got really, really hot, I could feel that kind of…how can I describe it? It was kind of like as if there was a well at the bottom of my being that was filled with all these like dark stuff. You know, fears and things like that that never got to come up to the surface, you know? That never got acknowledged. Just like really primal stuff, you know, almost as if you could tap into your most primal fears because there was no cultural barrier. There was no mental barrier, you know. You were just so hot that your mind…I mean for me my mind almost just left my body really because it was just so hot. And I thought that was…that was quite an amazing experience. I mean for me I was like wow! It was scary but it was also really cool and I can imagine that for some people… I mean, I like to think that I’m a pretty strong cookie but I imagine it would be scary for people to come to grips with what they find and to have to kind of, yeah, deal with that. I mean if they uncover something they didn’t know about themselves before, maybe something that’s super scary, then yeah I would imagine you have to have the tools to deal with that, right? Kate: That’s right, yeah. You’ve got to be able to support people after they’ve kind of gone through the sweat lodge process. Like you say, sometimes people are left with things that they need to kind of then kind of speak through or go into a bit more. Me: Wow, yeah. But I’d definitely say better out than in, right? All that stuff. Where to find Kate Kate thank you so much for coming on to share your story. There’s a friend of mine that also mentioned that when you hold any kind of retreat or workshop or any kind of event in nature, she said just ask the spirits there for permission so you’re on their terrain as it were. So that’s a really good example of what can happen if you don’t, right? I’ll have to tell her about it. Well, I’ll have to get her to listen to the episode. But thank you so much for sharing that, I really appreciate it and I’ll link to everything that you do below, but do you just want to say where… Where can people find you? What’s the easiest way to find you? Kate: Yeah, it’s easiest to find me on Facebook at the moment because I’m still working on my website but that’s at kfheartwisdom. Me: Super! OK. I’ll put the link to your site as well. Is it katefisher.co.uk? Is that right? Kate: Yeah. Me: Thank you so much, I really appreciate it, and I think I’m going to dive into our food tip. Foods to feel grounded And it’s really funny that there was all this stuff about stamping on the ground and everything because… I mentioned at the beginning of this episode that I would share one of the best foods to feel grounded. And first I do want to kind of emphasize what I mean when we say grounded. When we feel grounded, we feel more connected to the earth. Now this might sound airy-fairy, but it’s actually really important. So you can think of feeling grounded as the opposite of scatterbrained. In other words, instead of feeling confused, all over the place, not knowing what to do, when you’re grounded you actually have a clarity of purpose. It enables you to not only get things done but to know what those things actually are that you need to do for your own happiness. And believe me, this is really, really important. I speak from very personal experience. The other way that you can think of being grounded is eating foods to feel grounded. It’s kind of like getting the benefits of comfort food without gaining weight, if that makes sense. You do get that, yeah, that sense of comfort from these particular foods, but you’re eating good food, you know? Rather than junk. And for those of you who want to do some of your own shamanic journeys as Kate did, this particular food that I’m going to talk about can help you stay connected to this world too. So although there are many foods to feel grounded, the ones that I want to mention here, or the one specific one is…squash! Benefits of squash And when I say squash, this actually covers a variety of vegetables: so you’ve got spaghetti squash, summer squash, zucchini, marrow and pumpkin. Those are all types of squash. Gourds as well, those are squash. Squash is one of the oldest foods around – it’s been cultivated for at least 10,000 years, and it may look kind of ordinary, but it has a lot of health benefits. Now you may not know this, but squash is listed as anti-fungal, antibacterial and anti-inflammatory! It contains vitamin A, several B vitamins, folates, magnesium, potassium, iron, copper, zinc, manganese, calcium, and beta carotene among other antioxidants. So it’s insanely good for a whole host of things, including managing our blood sugar, keeping our lungs healthy, helping keep our eyes sharp and strong, having strong bones, and reducing the risks of many diseases including lung cancer, emphysema and glaucoma, and that’s just to name a few. Squash has many other benefits and I’ll link to an article in the show notes if you’d like to read more about it. Now however before you decide to start eating bushels of squash, I do have to warn you about one thing. Squash is very good at lowering blood pressure, and if you have low blood pressure already, squash could lower it even further. So if that’s you, best to eat other veggies instead. Fortunately there are lots of other alternatives that I do mention in other podcast episodes! How you eat squash Now as to how you eat squash, well there are so many ways to eat it! Most people puree it and make pancakes, or they slice it and fry it. My favorite way to eat it – and if you know me you’ll know what that is – it’s to spiralize it! I’ll link to an article in the show notes where I show you how to do just that. You can make great pasta using squash, and you don’t even have to boil it. Plus it’s naturally gluten-free, so everyone can eat it! I’ve also got some delicious recipes that use squash in my 5-Minute Mains recipe ebook that I’ll link to as well. Have YOU got a story to share? Which brings us to the end of this week’s story – and if you’ve got a true story to share (and you’d like to know what food could have saved the day or enhanced your particular situation), I’d love to hear from you! Got a question, or a comment? Got a question, or a comment? Pop a note below in the comments, that would be awesome. You can also subscribe to the podcast to listen ‘on the go’ in iTunes, Stitcher or TuneIn. I hope you have an amazing day. Thank you so much for being here with me to share in my Clean Food, Dirty Stories. Bye for now! RESOURCES How to spiralize veggies: Benefits of squash: Link to 5-Minute Mains and other recipe ebooks: Kate has studied many esoteric and spiritual practices to a basic level from an early age (13). When her Saturn return began (age 28), Kate moved abroad to study different healing techniques with healers and shaman of Philippines and Peru. She learnt that to know and embrace all parts of yourself is where true healing happens. With a holistic attitude to life and endeavouring to approach life from the heart, Kate believes that all aspects of the self – mind, body and spirit – play a part in the health of the person. Finding balance in all these aspects, we can live to our full potential. Kate’s website: http://katefisher.co.ukFind Kate on YouTube Source link

[ramestoryworld]

How Kate Fisher found herself at the brink of death, having to choose between this world and another. Plus one of the best foods to feel grounded, to help you keep a level head and even make better decisions! OK enough hints from me, I’m sure you have no idea what that food is…or maybe you do, so let’s get on with the story. Our guest, Kate Fisher I am super excited to be joined here today for our story by Kate Fisher. Kate is a shamanic practitioner who specialises in helping others to connect with the power that is already within them. She is also an artist, and she works with drums, paint and clay to create shamanic tools, paintings and ceramics. And she works with people not only face to face, but also at a distance which I think is very cool. She has a pretty incredible story to share which I think you’re going to love! So Kate, welcome to the Clean Food, Dirty Stories podcast! Kate: Thanks Barbara. Me: Yeah, it’s great to have you. I’m looking forward to sharing your story. Kate’s story Me: So you work in Norfolk, you live in Kent, but do you have a lot of trees surrounding you now? Because I know that you spent a lot of your childhood in trees, is that what you told me? Is that where your story begins? Kate: Yeah, it kind of is, I was much more into sitting in trees and hanging out there and not really with the other kids. It just felt calming and I later found out that what was actually happening was that I was speaking with the tree deities and the tree spirits themselves. Imaginary friends…with a difference Me: So like when most kids had imaginary friends, like little playmates and stuff, then you just had your playmates that were like in the trees and nature spirits and everything. That’s really cool, when I was little actually, I didn’t play with the other kids either. I was with them but I was a tiger roaring and crawling on the floor. So there were no nature spirits for me, just a bunch of crawling around. On to herbalism At one point you studied herbalism, is that right? How did you come to study that? Kate: Well, I began studying it. After doing my art degree, I actually got a job in Neal’s Yard Remedies in Norwich. And so that just kind of brought me back to plants and their uses. The medicinal uses were the sort of thing I was drawn to. I was going to move to Australia to do the whole course of naturopathy. There was something still missing from that for me. So from that I actually found magical herbalism. Me: Okay. Kate: Yeah, so that’s kind of like hedge witchcraft. It’s understanding that everything has an energy and you can use that energy to help heal and help rebalance. Me: I know about wild plants, you know, and collecting wild plants and just eating them because they taste really good, and I know that nettles for example are really good for arthritis, just little things that you kind of pick up. But that’s kind of all I know. So is it like making teas for people and poultices and things like that out of plants and stuff? Kate: No, no, it’s purely energetic, so it’s basically like spellcasting. Me: OK. Magic herbalism, then on to the Philippines Kate: So you would use certain herbs and plants that have certain attributes and they often correspond with the medicinal uses as well. And you’d kind of enchant them and then you’d make them into little sachets to hand to people and once they’d got their use from it, they would bury it. It was always just for an energetic purpose. Me: Oh OK. Kate: It’s like the old wives’ tale of putting certain things above the door so things can’t come in. Me: I get it. OK. So you were doing herbalism but then I think you stopped, is that right, and you moved to the Philippines? Is that right? Kate: Yeah, that’s right. So magical herbalism still wasn’t doing it for me and I still felt there was something more. And I came across a book and it was called Chance Spirit Shamanism, and this just sent me off! I knew that I had to do something with this because it would take me deeper into that plant realm. The way I actually got to the Philippines was through my ceramics, with a job as a teacher over there. The House of Happiness Me: How did you get that job? That’s really cool. Kate: A Filipino lady, her family ran the college there and she approached me and asked if I would teach there. Me: Wow! Kate: Unfortunately it was in Manila and for me that was just too busy. It’s a really built city with really rich and really poor areas. I found this place called Bahay Kalipay which means the House of Happiness. So I went there, I volunteered and from there I taught this process called The Inner Dance, and this was precisely when my Saturn return hit. I had just turned 28 and I decided to drop everything, I sold everything that I owned in England basically, and I decided to move to the Philippines. Kate’s Saturn return Me: Wow. So can you just…sorry, can you explain to people, some people that may not know, what is a Saturn return and why does it just – cause I’ve experienced one too – what is a Saturn return and why does it turn your life upside down? Kate: Yeah, well, OK. The Saturn return is…Saturn’s in a certain place in the night sky and what happens is when that then comes around which obviously it takes 28 to 30 years to come round in your astrological chart, that changes everything. You’re then kind of pushed or encouraged onto a path that you should have been taking that you may have been diverted from. Some people’s is really turbulent, other people it can be quite free flowing depending on what their life path life has taken. And then this happens again normally in women’s time, it’s normally around the menopause. Me: Well it would be like 28 years later, right? Kate: Exactly, yeah, it’s on that time scale. So it really can turn your life upside down because Saturn’s known as the teacher. If you haven’t learned your lessons, you’re gonna learn them! Why the Philippines Me: Yup! I’ve experienced that so I know exactly what you mean. Yeah, so it can be quite big life changes and stuff, right? What made you decide to move to the Philippines? Kate: Well, in all honesty a man. Me: (laughs) As so often happens… Kate: And he worked at the retreat center that I went to. Yeah, I kind of knew that it wasn’t gonna work out but I’m always this kind of romantic person, I’m just gonna follow my heart…I loved it there anyway because it was just so beautiful and I felt so held there, just on the land. Me: Yeah. So you moved to the Philippines, so if you moved because of him, did you stay with him and then, like, what happened? Releasing inner blocks Kate: Well, I think I moved in with him to begin with, him and his family. And then I went back to work at the retreat center for meditation and the inner dance which is kind of meditative. It allows the flow of energy and any blockages to come out, it can be quite cathartic and transformative in itself. So I went back there and lived there, and I did that for 8 months. I was looking for land to buy as well. Me: So you were gonna buy land in the Philippines? That’s very cool. You said at one point that you had a kind of like dark night of the soul, was that related to the guy? Or… Kate: It was all, you know, a whole lump of stuff rolled in together (laughs). That’s what happens, isn’t it? Me: All at the same time, of course, yeah. Crying in paradise Kate: All at the same time. So yeah, for me, I was in paradise but I was crying my eyes out every day. Me: Oh! Kate: Yeah, and it was just this kind of ultimate depression, but this was something different, it was a transformative kind of time. And I ended up not really seeing the point in life, so I went from, you know, being on a real high and feeling the connection between all things and all of this and then just fell apart and thought, “Well, if everything is nothing and nothing is everything, then what’s the point?” Me: Oh, yeah, I’ve felt like that before so I can relate, yeah. Wow. From the Philippines to Peru Me: And so from there, how did you…you said that you then went to Peru, right? So how did you go from the Philippines to Peru? Did you just one day up and decide to leave, or was there a specific incident where you thought ‘OK I’ve had enough, I’m going to leave now’? Or… Kate: Well I, I’d gone to America to visit my friends over there and then while I was there I phoned this person… Me: Somebody in Peru? Kate: No, sorry, I phoned my boyfriend at the time. Yeah, and he ended up going “Oh I’ve decided I’m going to be a Peace Pilgrim”. Me: A Peace Pilgrim? What’s that? Kate: So it’s someone who walks around without anything, but just goes spreading peace and basically relies on anyone around them to support them. He said “This is my highest excitement”. So I was like, “OK, fine”. Obviously I was a bit heartbroken because I’d just travelled the other side of the world, but it made me suddenly realize that I wasn’t following my highest excitement. So I thought “OK, what’s happening right now? Where’s the mother of all plant learnings?” And it’s happening in Peru, with Ayahuasca, with Huachuma… Ayahuasca and Huachuma Me: What’s huachuma? I mean, I know Ayahuasca and in fact I spoke about that in a previous episode, but what’s huachuma? Kate: Huachuma is also known as San Pedro. San Pedro was the Catholic name they gave when they kind of came over to the South Americas. Huachuma is the original name for it. It’s a cactus that is mescalin-based, so it’s similar to the peyote which is a mescalin-based medicine. Me: Oh OK. So it’s a similar kind of experience with…like a journey like you would do as if you were taking Ayahuasca but you’re taking Huachuma? Kate: It’s similar, yeah. Huachuma’s much more about the earth and less cosmic. Ayahuasca is out there, attaching to everything that is. Huachuma’s about the heart, about connecting back to the earth. Me: Wow. OK, so you did both of those when you were there? Kate: Yeah, that’s right, so I spent 6 months being an apprentice to both of those plants. Me: Oh wow! So now are you able to perform Ayahuasca and Huachuma ceremonies for other people? Kate: I believe I can hold ceremony for Huachuma for other people. With Ayahuasca I decided that I’m just always going to be her apprentice (laughs). I just don’t see how people hold space for that, it’s such a powerful thing. Temazcals (sweat lodges) Me: OK. So you did those, and you also mentioned temazcals, you know, the sweat lodges, what were those like? Kate: It’s really magical. So for somebody who doesn’t, who doesn’t know about a temazcal, can you say a little bit about like what it is? Because I’ve done one, but not everybody knows about it, right? Could you say a little bit about like what it is and what happens and why you might want to do a sweat lodge? Kate: OK. It’s a really sacred ceremony and our ancestors have always used it to cleanse, to rebirth. To go into those sweat lodges is like going back into the mother’s womb. You go in there with thanks, knowing what you want to get rid of or what you want to transition into. And you bless the rocks which are put into a sacred fire. Me: Sacred fire? Kate: Yes. They then heat those for several hours and then you will go into the lodge. You normally go through about four, yeah, four rounds. They’ll bring in a certain number of rocks, and then water is poured onto the rocks once the door is closed. Me: And it gets really, really hot, I remember. Kate: It does. But it builds, it’s not like going into a sauna. Your body gradually kind of gets used to it until it gets so hot that you’re just like “Oh no I can’t do this!” But quite often, we always say that the heat is your friend. Because that heat is sometimes not physical heat, it’s sometimes you know, coming up against maybe a blockage of the energy of the thing that you’re trying to shift, so if you can, stay in. The eyebrow of the Peruvian jungle Me: And so how did you…how did you go from doing the sweat lodges and the Ayahuasca and Huachuma ceremonies to the jungle? Cause you said that you were…I know that you mentioned to me that you were in the jungle with some friends and you had a pretty scary experience there. Can you say a little bit about like how you came to be there, and what happened? Kate: Yeah, definitely. I was – I suppose – an assistant to the woman that owned the retreat center. And we’d become really good friends because we obviously worked really closely together. We were offered a piece of land possibly in a part of the jungle called Manu which is known as the eyebrow of the jungle of Peru. So we went to visit. And our friend who also went with us, he was also an Andean priest. He went and hired a boat and took us to this special island which had quite rare breeds of certain animals, mammals and things. So he takes us over there and we’re just so excited to see a different part and see rare species. Onto the land, you know you just start walking around and admiring things. I think it was about a third of the way around this island and all of a sudden something hit me. When the jungle gets angry Kate: It felt like I’d suddenly started menstruating but it wasn’t that time, it felt like all of my guts were just turning around. I just suddenly went white. Me: Wow! Kate: Literally it just felt like, I don’t know, I could have eaten something that didn’t agree with me, all that kind of stuff. So my friend tried to do an echo cleansing on me. Now all that did – this is the dirty part of the story – was give me diarrhea. It was awful. My body was emptying, everything was too heavy. I was getting rid of everything. It was really quite scary as it progressed. And then this feeling came over me that the jungle was angry. There was always this element of kind of doubt, skepticism I guess. Getting lost in another world But I was about to get lost in another world. The jungle felt like it was pulling me. The world that I knew, that part of the jungle that I was seeing with my physical eyes was disappearing. Me: Wow! That’s scary! Kate: Terrifying. And interesting at the same time. Me: Yeah, kind of like ‘this is really scary but this is really cool!’ Kate: I mean I got really scared up until the point where I thought, ‘OK, maybe I’m going to leave this other world that I know and I’m gonna be taken to another world’. And when I reached that level of acceptance, you know, that strange place of like ‘OK this is just happening’, I told my friends to go on without me. I said, “This is where I stop”. And it was like, it was, I don’t know, it was like I was disappearing. Me: Wow. Kate: Yeah, I…after feeling scared it was suddenly this peace that took over. But then my friends became scared because they realized how real this had become. You know, they couldn’t just leave me in the jungle. Me: Yeah. Kate: And the Andean priest, he was suddenly panicking around me. He was saying in Spanish, in Quechua, panicking about “Oh I haven’t done it, I haven’t done it, I haven’t done it!” He was going on about the ritual or the ceremony that we were supposed to do when we arrived at this land. A hurried ceremony Kate: And so all of a sudden he’s scrambling in his pockets to get things out and I was just flopped on the ground at this point and I had no idea what was going on around me other than his scrambling. He got out the cocoa leaves and he made like a little fan of these and he started doing ceremony. And he was doing all these different things around me but I didn’t have any awareness to be able to learn or witness or anything, it was like I was being absorbed into the jungle floor. The next thing I know he’s yanking me up off the ground saying “Stamp on the floor! Stamp on the floor!” Like this. And I was just like “I can’t do it, I can’t even lift my leg,” like I had nothing left, no physical ability whatsoever. But he was so persistent I just went and I just, I just kind of just flopped my foot on this space and I later found out that he’d buried the cocoa leaves there. And as I touched my foot down, something happened and I felt a little bit stronger. So then he went, “Again!” I stamped again a little bit harder with the strength that I’d found. And he said, “Again!” I stamped my foot even harder, and every time we did this, my energy started coming back and my color started coming back and I felt myself being drawn in, like my energy bodies being drawn back into this physical body. Until we’d done it enough that they felt comfortable with us making our way away from there. Me: Wow. Yeah, and then you just left at that point? Were you supposed to stay longer? Kate: I had to lay there while they went off in the boat for a while so I had to lay in the jungle for a bit and stop. Just to kind of recoup and make sure that I’d gathered all the parts of me back together I think. Me: Yeah, of course, yeah. Fear as teacher Kate: And I gave my thanks and you know, and I said, “Sorry for not knowing better”. I should have known better, that’s what I was there to learn, you know. How to respect these places. Me: Yeah, but you were there to learn. I would have thought the Andean priest would have… I mean, I would have been blaming him! (laughs) Right? Wasn’t he kind of there to, you know, to guide you and look after you? I mean I would have been like, “Dude you forgot something! Look what happened to me!” No? Kate: Well, I suppose, but I didn’t see things that way at that time. I kind of overtook responsibility if that makes sense. But I gave my thanks to the jungle at that point because that’s when my skepticism left and I really started to trust that Spirit is there to guide. And it really showed me its strength, and the only way it could do that was through fear. Me: Wow. Kate: Yeah, I was really, really grateful to have learned that lesson because without that I wouldn’t be able to practice, you know, the techniques that I do today. Me: I bet the Andean priest learned a lot too, right? I bet he never did that again! (laughs) Right? Kate: (laughs) I don’t think so! Me: Almost killed a tourist, can you imagine? Oh my goodness. Wow! What Kate does today So then you said that that experience helped you do the techniques that you do today, so how? Like, how come? What was it about that particular experience and what did you take from there I guess is what I want to ask, that you now use? Yeah, that you use now? Kate: Well it’s just the level of trust. Me: Ah, OK. That makes sense. Kate: When I’m doing the healings or ceremony or anything, I endeavour obviously – I mean sometimes ego gets in the way and makes you feel small. But that’s quite rare these days. I just allow Spirit and the ancestors to guide me. Me: Yup. Yeah, because you have that trust now thanks to your experience in the jungle. I get it, yeah. Wow! So then, yeah, what do you do now to help other people? Because I know you do lots of different things, do you want to say a little bit about that? Kate: Yeah, well the main thing that I endeavour to do, like anyone that I come across I try and support and empower. Even if it’s the smallest thing. And give people that different perspective on themselves. I think we’re so made to feel belittled and that we think that, you know, to think good of ourselves is to be arrogant. But actually we need to come to a space where we can be comfortable and love ourselves without that. Me: Yeah. Kate: It’s really hard to explain! I lead retreats and… Finding The Wild Woman Me: So what kinds of things do you do at the retreats? For example, do you take people on shamanic journeys as a group? Kate: So for the retreats, what I focus on at the moment is women. And I do this alongside a lovely lady called Amy who runs SoulShine social enterprise and we, well we call it Finding the Wild Woman. And it’s all about rewilding, so finding that part of you that’s been repressed through, you know, all the things that we should and shouldn’t do and expressing your authentic self. Me: Oh I like the sound of that, yup! Kate: So we do all sorts of things. Me: Wow, that sounds quite fun. Kate: Yeah, we use all the different elements as well. So you know, we run through kind of water, earth, fire, air, spirit…so people can connect back with those. The very base elements of this world. Me: Wow, that’s very cool. Individual help (even at a distance) Me: So you do those at the retreats, and then I think you said for individual people you help them find balance and things? Like what do you do for individuals? Because I know you also said you do some things at a distance as well. Kate: Yeah, so whether it’s distance or whether people are there, I’ll connect with them and I’ll allow Spirit and ancestors again to work through me. I use my drum, rattle, feathers, anything. I always ask if the person’s comfortable with it. Yeah, and then I use the vibe to kind of realign, as everything’s made of vibration. The intention is to realign those things, on any level that person wants to work. Me: OK. So do people normally come to you…yeah I would imagine people would come to you with a really specific problem, right? Can it be any kind of problem? Like, I don’t know, like everything from physical problems like physical ailments to maybe emotional problems or mental problems? Kate: Yeah, definitely. Me: So a bit of everything. Super! OK Kate: The most common tends to be physical or emotional, but actually you find out that they’re all interlinked so you just follow that path until… Me: Yeah, I know what you mean. Training for the Celtic sweat lodge Me: So do you run sweat lodges? Do you use that tool in your work at all? Kate: I’m not running them yet, I’m gonna do another 2 years learning the Celtic lodge. Me: So how long does it take then to train to learn the Celtic sweat lodges? Kate: Well, I’m taking three years to do it. Me: Three years, OK. Is that your choice to do it over a longer period? Kate: Yeah, I know that you can learn the practicalities in a couple of weekends, but to have the experience of actually supporting people through that process… Me: Oh yeah, that’s the biggest bit, yeah. Kate: It’s a very different ballgame. My own experience in a sweat lodge Me: Yeah, of course, cause I know, I mean I know for me that when I did a sweat lodge, yeah it was years ago now. And at the time I was…I was a total mess! And so when it got really, really hot, I could feel that kind of…how can I describe it? It was kind of like as if there was a well at the bottom of my being that was filled with all these like dark stuff. You know, fears and things like that that never got to come up to the surface, you know? That never got acknowledged. Just like really primal stuff, you know, almost as if you could tap into your most primal fears because there was no cultural barrier. There was no mental barrier, you know. You were just so hot that your mind…I mean for me my mind almost just left my body really because it was just so hot. And I thought that was…that was quite an amazing experience. I mean for me I was like wow! It was scary but it was also really cool and I can imagine that for some people… I mean, I like to think that I’m a pretty strong cookie but I imagine it would be scary for people to come to grips with what they find and to have to kind of, yeah, deal with that. I mean if they uncover something they didn’t know about themselves before, maybe something that’s super scary, then yeah I would imagine you have to have the tools to deal with that, right? Kate: That’s right, yeah. You’ve got to be able to support people after they’ve kind of gone through the sweat lodge process. Like you say, sometimes people are left with things that they need to kind of then kind of speak through or go into a bit more. Me: Wow, yeah. But I’d definitely say better out than in, right? All that stuff. Where to find Kate Kate thank you so much for coming on to share your story. There’s a friend of mine that also mentioned that when you hold any kind of retreat or workshop or any kind of event in nature, she said just ask the spirits there for permission so you’re on their terrain as it were. So that’s a really good example of what can happen if you don’t, right? I’ll have to tell her about it. Well, I’ll have to get her to listen to the episode. But thank you so much for sharing that, I really appreciate it and I’ll link to everything that you do below, but do you just want to say where… Where can people find you? What’s the easiest way to find you? Kate: Yeah, it’s easiest to find me on Facebook at the moment because I’m still working on my website but that’s at kfheartwisdom. Me: Super! OK. I’ll put the link to your site as well. Is it katefisher.co.uk? Is that right? Kate: Yeah. Me: Thank you so much, I really appreciate it, and I think I’m going to dive into our food tip. Foods to feel grounded And it’s really funny that there was all this stuff about stamping on the ground and everything because… I mentioned at the beginning of this episode that I would share one of the best foods to feel grounded. And first I do want to kind of emphasize what I mean when we say grounded. When we feel grounded, we feel more connected to the earth. Now this might sound airy-fairy, but it’s actually really important. So you can think of feeling grounded as the opposite of scatterbrained. In other words, instead of feeling confused, all over the place, not knowing what to do, when you’re grounded you actually have a clarity of purpose. It enables you to not only get things done but to know what those things actually are that you need to do for your own happiness. And believe me, this is really, really important. I speak from very personal experience. The other way that you can think of being grounded is eating foods to feel grounded. It’s kind of like getting the benefits of comfort food without gaining weight, if that makes sense. You do get that, yeah, that sense of comfort from these particular foods, but you’re eating good food, you know? Rather than junk. And for those of you who want to do some of your own shamanic journeys as Kate did, this particular food that I’m going to talk about can help you stay connected to this world too. So although there are many foods to feel grounded, the ones that I want to mention here, or the one specific one is…squash! Benefits of squash And when I say squash, this actually covers a variety of vegetables: so you’ve got spaghetti squash, summer squash, zucchini, marrow and pumpkin. Those are all types of squash. Gourds as well, those are squash. Squash is one of the oldest foods around – it’s been cultivated for at least 10,000 years, and it may look kind of ordinary, but it has a lot of health benefits. Now you may not know this, but squash is listed as anti-fungal, antibacterial and anti-inflammatory! It contains vitamin A, several B vitamins, folates, magnesium, potassium, iron, copper, zinc, manganese, calcium, and beta carotene among other antioxidants. So it’s insanely good for a whole host of things, including managing our blood sugar, keeping our lungs healthy, helping keep our eyes sharp and strong, having strong bones, and reducing the risks of many diseases including lung cancer, emphysema and glaucoma, and that’s just to name a few. Squash has many other benefits and I’ll link to an article in the show notes if you’d like to read more about it. Now however before you decide to start eating bushels of squash, I do have to warn you about one thing. Squash is very good at lowering blood pressure, and if you have low blood pressure already, squash could lower it even further. So if that’s you, best to eat other veggies instead. Fortunately there are lots of other alternatives that I do mention in other podcast episodes! How you eat squash Now as to how you eat squash, well there are so many ways to eat it! Most people puree it and make pancakes, or they slice it and fry it. My favorite way to eat it – and if you know me you’ll know what that is – it’s to spiralize it! I’ll link to an article in the show notes where I show you how to do just that. You can make great pasta using squash, and you don’t even have to boil it. Plus it’s naturally gluten-free, so everyone can eat it! I’ve also got some delicious recipes that use squash in my 5-Minute Mains recipe ebook that I’ll link to as well. Have YOU got a story to share? Which brings us to the end of this week’s story – and if you’ve got a true story to share (and you’d like to know what food could have saved the day or enhanced your particular situation), I’d love to hear from you! Got a question, or a comment? Got a question, or a comment? Pop a note below in the comments, that would be awesome. You can also subscribe to the podcast to listen ‘on the go’ in iTunes, Stitcher or TuneIn. I hope you have an amazing day. Thank you so much for being here with me to share in my Clean Food, Dirty Stories. Bye for now! RESOURCES How to spiralize veggies: Benefits of squash: Link to 5-Minute Mains and other recipe ebooks: Kate has studied many esoteric and spiritual practices to a basic level from an early age (13). When her Saturn return began (age 28), Kate moved abroad to study different healing techniques with healers and shaman of Philippines and Peru. She learnt that to know and embrace all parts of yourself is where true healing happens. With a holistic attitude to life and endeavouring to approach life from the heart, Kate believes that all aspects of the self – mind, body and spirit – play a part in the health of the person. Finding balance in all these aspects, we can live to our full potential. Kate’s website: http://katefisher.co.ukFind Kate on YouTube Source link

[alexha2210]

How Kate Fisher found herself at the brink of death, having to choose between this world and another. Plus one of the best foods to feel grounded, to help you keep a level head and even make better decisions! OK enough hints from me, I’m sure you have no idea what that food is…or maybe you do, so let’s get on with the story. Our guest, Kate Fisher I am super excited to be joined here today for our story by Kate Fisher. Kate is a shamanic practitioner who specialises in helping others to connect with the power that is already within them. She is also an artist, and she works with drums, paint and clay to create shamanic tools, paintings and ceramics. And she works with people not only face to face, but also at a distance which I think is very cool. She has a pretty incredible story to share which I think you’re going to love! So Kate, welcome to the Clean Food, Dirty Stories podcast! Kate: Thanks Barbara. Me: Yeah, it’s great to have you. I’m looking forward to sharing your story. Kate’s story Me: So you work in Norfolk, you live in Kent, but do you have a lot of trees surrounding you now? Because I know that you spent a lot of your childhood in trees, is that what you told me? Is that where your story begins? Kate: Yeah, it kind of is, I was much more into sitting in trees and hanging out there and not really with the other kids. It just felt calming and I later found out that what was actually happening was that I was speaking with the tree deities and the tree spirits themselves. Imaginary friends…with a difference Me: So like when most kids had imaginary friends, like little playmates and stuff, then you just had your playmates that were like in the trees and nature spirits and everything. That’s really cool, when I was little actually, I didn’t play with the other kids either. I was with them but I was a tiger roaring and crawling on the floor. So there were no nature spirits for me, just a bunch of crawling around. On to herbalism At one point you studied herbalism, is that right? How did you come to study that? Kate: Well, I began studying it. After doing my art degree, I actually got a job in Neal’s Yard Remedies in Norwich. And so that just kind of brought me back to plants and their uses. The medicinal uses were the sort of thing I was drawn to. I was going to move to Australia to do the whole course of naturopathy. There was something still missing from that for me. So from that I actually found magical herbalism. Me: Okay. Kate: Yeah, so that’s kind of like hedge witchcraft. It’s understanding that everything has an energy and you can use that energy to help heal and help rebalance. Me: I know about wild plants, you know, and collecting wild plants and just eating them because they taste really good, and I know that nettles for example are really good for arthritis, just little things that you kind of pick up. But that’s kind of all I know. So is it like making teas for people and poultices and things like that out of plants and stuff? Kate: No, no, it’s purely energetic, so it’s basically like spellcasting. Me: OK. Magic herbalism, then on to the Philippines Kate: So you would use certain herbs and plants that have certain attributes and they often correspond with the medicinal uses as well. And you’d kind of enchant them and then you’d make them into little sachets to hand to people and once they’d got their use from it, they would bury it. It was always just for an energetic purpose. Me: Oh OK. Kate: It’s like the old wives’ tale of putting certain things above the door so things can’t come in. Me: I get it. OK. So you were doing herbalism but then I think you stopped, is that right, and you moved to the Philippines? Is that right? Kate: Yeah, that’s right. So magical herbalism still wasn’t doing it for me and I still felt there was something more. And I came across a book and it was called Chance Spirit Shamanism, and this just sent me off! I knew that I had to do something with this because it would take me deeper into that plant realm. The way I actually got to the Philippines was through my ceramics, with a job as a teacher over there. The House of Happiness Me: How did you get that job? That’s really cool. Kate: A Filipino lady, her family ran the college there and she approached me and asked if I would teach there. Me: Wow! Kate: Unfortunately it was in Manila and for me that was just too busy. It’s a really built city with really rich and really poor areas. I found this place called Bahay Kalipay which means the House of Happiness. So I went there, I volunteered and from there I taught this process called The Inner Dance, and this was precisely when my Saturn return hit. I had just turned 28 and I decided to drop everything, I sold everything that I owned in England basically, and I decided to move to the Philippines. Kate’s Saturn return Me: Wow. So can you just…sorry, can you explain to people, some people that may not know, what is a Saturn return and why does it just – cause I’ve experienced one too – what is a Saturn return and why does it turn your life upside down? Kate: Yeah, well, OK. The Saturn return is…Saturn’s in a certain place in the night sky and what happens is when that then comes around which obviously it takes 28 to 30 years to come round in your astrological chart, that changes everything. You’re then kind of pushed or encouraged onto a path that you should have been taking that you may have been diverted from. Some people’s is really turbulent, other people it can be quite free flowing depending on what their life path life has taken. And then this happens again normally in women’s time, it’s normally around the menopause. Me: Well it would be like 28 years later, right? Kate: Exactly, yeah, it’s on that time scale. So it really can turn your life upside down because Saturn’s known as the teacher. If you haven’t learned your lessons, you’re gonna learn them! Why the Philippines Me: Yup! I’ve experienced that so I know exactly what you mean. Yeah, so it can be quite big life changes and stuff, right? What made you decide to move to the Philippines? Kate: Well, in all honesty a man. Me: (laughs) As so often happens… Kate: And he worked at the retreat center that I went to. Yeah, I kind of knew that it wasn’t gonna work out but I’m always this kind of romantic person, I’m just gonna follow my heart…I loved it there anyway because it was just so beautiful and I felt so held there, just on the land. Me: Yeah. So you moved to the Philippines, so if you moved because of him, did you stay with him and then, like, what happened? Releasing inner blocks Kate: Well, I think I moved in with him to begin with, him and his family. And then I went back to work at the retreat center for meditation and the inner dance which is kind of meditative. It allows the flow of energy and any blockages to come out, it can be quite cathartic and transformative in itself. So I went back there and lived there, and I did that for 8 months. I was looking for land to buy as well. Me: So you were gonna buy land in the Philippines? That’s very cool. You said at one point that you had a kind of like dark night of the soul, was that related to the guy? Or… Kate: It was all, you know, a whole lump of stuff rolled in together (laughs). That’s what happens, isn’t it? Me: All at the same time, of course, yeah. Crying in paradise Kate: All at the same time. So yeah, for me, I was in paradise but I was crying my eyes out every day. Me: Oh! Kate: Yeah, and it was just this kind of ultimate depression, but this was something different, it was a transformative kind of time. And I ended up not really seeing the point in life, so I went from, you know, being on a real high and feeling the connection between all things and all of this and then just fell apart and thought, “Well, if everything is nothing and nothing is everything, then what’s the point?” Me: Oh, yeah, I’ve felt like that before so I can relate, yeah. Wow. From the Philippines to Peru Me: And so from there, how did you…you said that you then went to Peru, right? So how did you go from the Philippines to Peru? Did you just one day up and decide to leave, or was there a specific incident where you thought ‘OK I’ve had enough, I’m going to leave now’? Or… Kate: Well I, I’d gone to America to visit my friends over there and then while I was there I phoned this person… Me: Somebody in Peru? Kate: No, sorry, I phoned my boyfriend at the time. Yeah, and he ended up going “Oh I’ve decided I’m going to be a Peace Pilgrim”. Me: A Peace Pilgrim? What’s that? Kate: So it’s someone who walks around without anything, but just goes spreading peace and basically relies on anyone around them to support them. He said “This is my highest excitement”. So I was like, “OK, fine”. Obviously I was a bit heartbroken because I’d just travelled the other side of the world, but it made me suddenly realize that I wasn’t following my highest excitement. So I thought “OK, what’s happening right now? Where’s the mother of all plant learnings?” And it’s happening in Peru, with Ayahuasca, with Huachuma… Ayahuasca and Huachuma Me: What’s huachuma? I mean, I know Ayahuasca and in fact I spoke about that in a previous episode, but what’s huachuma? Kate: Huachuma is also known as San Pedro. San Pedro was the Catholic name they gave when they kind of came over to the South Americas. Huachuma is the original name for it. It’s a cactus that is mescalin-based, so it’s similar to the peyote which is a mescalin-based medicine. Me: Oh OK. So it’s a similar kind of experience with…like a journey like you would do as if you were taking Ayahuasca but you’re taking Huachuma? Kate: It’s similar, yeah. Huachuma’s much more about the earth and less cosmic. Ayahuasca is out there, attaching to everything that is. Huachuma’s about the heart, about connecting back to the earth. Me: Wow. OK, so you did both of those when you were there? Kate: Yeah, that’s right, so I spent 6 months being an apprentice to both of those plants. Me: Oh wow! So now are you able to perform Ayahuasca and Huachuma ceremonies for other people? Kate: I believe I can hold ceremony for Huachuma for other people. With Ayahuasca I decided that I’m just always going to be her apprentice (laughs). I just don’t see how people hold space for that, it’s such a powerful thing. Temazcals (sweat lodges) Me: OK. So you did those, and you also mentioned temazcals, you know, the sweat lodges, what were those like? Kate: It’s really magical. So for somebody who doesn’t, who doesn’t know about a temazcal, can you say a little bit about like what it is? Because I’ve done one, but not everybody knows about it, right? Could you say a little bit about like what it is and what happens and why you might want to do a sweat lodge? Kate: OK. It’s a really sacred ceremony and our ancestors have always used it to cleanse, to rebirth. To go into those sweat lodges is like going back into the mother’s womb. You go in there with thanks, knowing what you want to get rid of or what you want to transition into. And you bless the rocks which are put into a sacred fire. Me: Sacred fire? Kate: Yes. They then heat those for several hours and then you will go into the lodge. You normally go through about four, yeah, four rounds. They’ll bring in a certain number of rocks, and then water is poured onto the rocks once the door is closed. Me: And it gets really, really hot, I remember. Kate: It does. But it builds, it’s not like going into a sauna. Your body gradually kind of gets used to it until it gets so hot that you’re just like “Oh no I can’t do this!” But quite often, we always say that the heat is your friend. Because that heat is sometimes not physical heat, it’s sometimes you know, coming up against maybe a blockage of the energy of the thing that you’re trying to shift, so if you can, stay in. The eyebrow of the Peruvian jungle Me: And so how did you…how did you go from doing the sweat lodges and the Ayahuasca and Huachuma ceremonies to the jungle? Cause you said that you were…I know that you mentioned to me that you were in the jungle with some friends and you had a pretty scary experience there. Can you say a little bit about like how you came to be there, and what happened? Kate: Yeah, definitely. I was – I suppose – an assistant to the woman that owned the retreat center. And we’d become really good friends because we obviously worked really closely together. We were offered a piece of land possibly in a part of the jungle called Manu which is known as the eyebrow of the jungle of Peru. So we went to visit. And our friend who also went with us, he was also an Andean priest. He went and hired a boat and took us to this special island which had quite rare breeds of certain animals, mammals and things. So he takes us over there and we’re just so excited to see a different part and see rare species. Onto the land, you know you just start walking around and admiring things. I think it was about a third of the way around this island and all of a sudden something hit me. When the jungle gets angry Kate: It felt like I’d suddenly started menstruating but it wasn’t that time, it felt like all of my guts were just turning around. I just suddenly went white. Me: Wow! Kate: Literally it just felt like, I don’t know, I could have eaten something that didn’t agree with me, all that kind of stuff. So my friend tried to do an echo cleansing on me. Now all that did – this is the dirty part of the story – was give me diarrhea. It was awful. My body was emptying, everything was too heavy. I was getting rid of everything. It was really quite scary as it progressed. And then this feeling came over me that the jungle was angry. There was always this element of kind of doubt, skepticism I guess. Getting lost in another world But I was about to get lost in another world. The jungle felt like it was pulling me. The world that I knew, that part of the jungle that I was seeing with my physical eyes was disappearing. Me: Wow! That’s scary! Kate: Terrifying. And interesting at the same time. Me: Yeah, kind of like ‘this is really scary but this is really cool!’ Kate: I mean I got really scared up until the point where I thought, ‘OK, maybe I’m going to leave this other world that I know and I’m gonna be taken to another world’. And when I reached that level of acceptance, you know, that strange place of like ‘OK this is just happening’, I told my friends to go on without me. I said, “This is where I stop”. And it was like, it was, I don’t know, it was like I was disappearing. Me: Wow. Kate: Yeah, I…after feeling scared it was suddenly this peace that took over. But then my friends became scared because they realized how real this had become. You know, they couldn’t just leave me in the jungle. Me: Yeah. Kate: And the Andean priest, he was suddenly panicking around me. He was saying in Spanish, in Quechua, panicking about “Oh I haven’t done it, I haven’t done it, I haven’t done it!” He was going on about the ritual or the ceremony that we were supposed to do when we arrived at this land. A hurried ceremony Kate: And so all of a sudden he’s scrambling in his pockets to get things out and I was just flopped on the ground at this point and I had no idea what was going on around me other than his scrambling. He got out the cocoa leaves and he made like a little fan of these and he started doing ceremony. And he was doing all these different things around me but I didn’t have any awareness to be able to learn or witness or anything, it was like I was being absorbed into the jungle floor. The next thing I know he’s yanking me up off the ground saying “Stamp on the floor! Stamp on the floor!” Like this. And I was just like “I can’t do it, I can’t even lift my leg,” like I had nothing left, no physical ability whatsoever. But he was so persistent I just went and I just, I just kind of just flopped my foot on this space and I later found out that he’d buried the cocoa leaves there. And as I touched my foot down, something happened and I felt a little bit stronger. So then he went, “Again!” I stamped again a little bit harder with the strength that I’d found. And he said, “Again!” I stamped my foot even harder, and every time we did this, my energy started coming back and my color started coming back and I felt myself being drawn in, like my energy bodies being drawn back into this physical body. Until we’d done it enough that they felt comfortable with us making our way away from there. Me: Wow. Yeah, and then you just left at that point? Were you supposed to stay longer? Kate: I had to lay there while they went off in the boat for a while so I had to lay in the jungle for a bit and stop. Just to kind of recoup and make sure that I’d gathered all the parts of me back together I think. Me: Yeah, of course, yeah. Fear as teacher Kate: And I gave my thanks and you know, and I said, “Sorry for not knowing better”. I should have known better, that’s what I was there to learn, you know. How to respect these places. Me: Yeah, but you were there to learn. I would have thought the Andean priest would have… I mean, I would have been blaming him! (laughs) Right? Wasn’t he kind of there to, you know, to guide you and look after you? I mean I would have been like, “Dude you forgot something! Look what happened to me!” No? Kate: Well, I suppose, but I didn’t see things that way at that time. I kind of overtook responsibility if that makes sense. But I gave my thanks to the jungle at that point because that’s when my skepticism left and I really started to trust that Spirit is there to guide. And it really showed me its strength, and the only way it could do that was through fear. Me: Wow. Kate: Yeah, I was really, really grateful to have learned that lesson because without that I wouldn’t be able to practice, you know, the techniques that I do today. Me: I bet the Andean priest learned a lot too, right? I bet he never did that again! (laughs) Right? Kate: (laughs) I don’t think so! Me: Almost killed a tourist, can you imagine? Oh my goodness. Wow! What Kate does today So then you said that that experience helped you do the techniques that you do today, so how? Like, how come? What was it about that particular experience and what did you take from there I guess is what I want to ask, that you now use? Yeah, that you use now? Kate: Well it’s just the level of trust. Me: Ah, OK. That makes sense. Kate: When I’m doing the healings or ceremony or anything, I endeavour obviously – I mean sometimes ego gets in the way and makes you feel small. But that’s quite rare these days. I just allow Spirit and the ancestors to guide me. Me: Yup. Yeah, because you have that trust now thanks to your experience in the jungle. I get it, yeah. Wow! So then, yeah, what do you do now to help other people? Because I know you do lots of different things, do you want to say a little bit about that? Kate: Yeah, well the main thing that I endeavour to do, like anyone that I come across I try and support and empower. Even if it’s the smallest thing. And give people that different perspective on themselves. I think we’re so made to feel belittled and that we think that, you know, to think good of ourselves is to be arrogant. But actually we need to come to a space where we can be comfortable and love ourselves without that. Me: Yeah. Kate: It’s really hard to explain! I lead retreats and… Finding The Wild Woman Me: So what kinds of things do you do at the retreats? For example, do you take people on shamanic journeys as a group? Kate: So for the retreats, what I focus on at the moment is women. And I do this alongside a lovely lady called Amy who runs SoulShine social enterprise and we, well we call it Finding the Wild Woman. And it’s all about rewilding, so finding that part of you that’s been repressed through, you know, all the things that we should and shouldn’t do and expressing your authentic self. Me: Oh I like the sound of that, yup! Kate: So we do all sorts of things. Me: Wow, that sounds quite fun. Kate: Yeah, we use all the different elements as well. So you know, we run through kind of water, earth, fire, air, spirit…so people can connect back with those. The very base elements of this world. Me: Wow, that’s very cool. Individual help (even at a distance) Me: So you do those at the retreats, and then I think you said for individual people you help them find balance and things? Like what do you do for individuals? Because I know you also said you do some things at a distance as well. Kate: Yeah, so whether it’s distance or whether people are there, I’ll connect with them and I’ll allow Spirit and ancestors again to work through me. I use my drum, rattle, feathers, anything. I always ask if the person’s comfortable with it. Yeah, and then I use the vibe to kind of realign, as everything’s made of vibration. The intention is to realign those things, on any level that person wants to work. Me: OK. So do people normally come to you…yeah I would imagine people would come to you with a really specific problem, right? Can it be any kind of problem? Like, I don’t know, like everything from physical problems like physical ailments to maybe emotional problems or mental problems? Kate: Yeah, definitely. Me: So a bit of everything. Super! OK Kate: The most common tends to be physical or emotional, but actually you find out that they’re all interlinked so you just follow that path until… Me: Yeah, I know what you mean. Training for the Celtic sweat lodge Me: So do you run sweat lodges? Do you use that tool in your work at all? Kate: I’m not running them yet, I’m gonna do another 2 years learning the Celtic lodge. Me: So how long does it take then to train to learn the Celtic sweat lodges? Kate: Well, I’m taking three years to do it. Me: Three years, OK. Is that your choice to do it over a longer period? Kate: Yeah, I know that you can learn the practicalities in a couple of weekends, but to have the experience of actually supporting people through that process… Me: Oh yeah, that’s the biggest bit, yeah. Kate: It’s a very different ballgame. My own experience in a sweat lodge Me: Yeah, of course, cause I know, I mean I know for me that when I did a sweat lodge, yeah it was years ago now. And at the time I was…I was a total mess! And so when it got really, really hot, I could feel that kind of…how can I describe it? It was kind of like as if there was a well at the bottom of my being that was filled with all these like dark stuff. You know, fears and things like that that never got to come up to the surface, you know? That never got acknowledged. Just like really primal stuff, you know, almost as if you could tap into your most primal fears because there was no cultural barrier. There was no mental barrier, you know. You were just so hot that your mind…I mean for me my mind almost just left my body really because it was just so hot. And I thought that was…that was quite an amazing experience. I mean for me I was like wow! It was scary but it was also really cool and I can imagine that for some people… I mean, I like to think that I’m a pretty strong cookie but I imagine it would be scary for people to come to grips with what they find and to have to kind of, yeah, deal with that. I mean if they uncover something they didn’t know about themselves before, maybe something that’s super scary, then yeah I would imagine you have to have the tools to deal with that, right? Kate: That’s right, yeah. You’ve got to be able to support people after they’ve kind of gone through the sweat lodge process. Like you say, sometimes people are left with things that they need to kind of then kind of speak through or go into a bit more. Me: Wow, yeah. But I’d definitely say better out than in, right? All that stuff. Where to find Kate Kate thank you so much for coming on to share your story. There’s a friend of mine that also mentioned that when you hold any kind of retreat or workshop or any kind of event in nature, she said just ask the spirits there for permission so you’re on their terrain as it were. So that’s a really good example of what can happen if you don’t, right? I’ll have to tell her about it. Well, I’ll have to get her to listen to the episode. But thank you so much for sharing that, I really appreciate it and I’ll link to everything that you do below, but do you just want to say where… Where can people find you? What’s the easiest way to find you? Kate: Yeah, it’s easiest to find me on Facebook at the moment because I’m still working on my website but that’s at kfheartwisdom. Me: Super! OK. I’ll put the link to your site as well. Is it katefisher.co.uk? Is that right? Kate: Yeah. Me: Thank you so much, I really appreciate it, and I think I’m going to dive into our food tip. Foods to feel grounded And it’s really funny that there was all this stuff about stamping on the ground and everything because… I mentioned at the beginning of this episode that I would share one of the best foods to feel grounded. And first I do want to kind of emphasize what I mean when we say grounded. When we feel grounded, we feel more connected to the earth. Now this might sound airy-fairy, but it’s actually really important. So you can think of feeling grounded as the opposite of scatterbrained. In other words, instead of feeling confused, all over the place, not knowing what to do, when you’re grounded you actually have a clarity of purpose. It enables you to not only get things done but to know what those things actually are that you need to do for your own happiness. And believe me, this is really, really important. I speak from very personal experience. The other way that you can think of being grounded is eating foods to feel grounded. It’s kind of like getting the benefits of comfort food without gaining weight, if that makes sense. You do get that, yeah, that sense of comfort from these particular foods, but you’re eating good food, you know? Rather than junk. And for those of you who want to do some of your own shamanic journeys as Kate did, this particular food that I’m going to talk about can help you stay connected to this world too. So although there are many foods to feel grounded, the ones that I want to mention here, or the one specific one is…squash! Benefits of squash And when I say squash, this actually covers a variety of vegetables: so you’ve got spaghetti squash, summer squash, zucchini, marrow and pumpkin. Those are all types of squash. Gourds as well, those are squash. Squash is one of the oldest foods around – it’s been cultivated for at least 10,000 years, and it may look kind of ordinary, but it has a lot of health benefits. Now you may not know this, but squash is listed as anti-fungal, antibacterial and anti-inflammatory! It contains vitamin A, several B vitamins, folates, magnesium, potassium, iron, copper, zinc, manganese, calcium, and beta carotene among other antioxidants. So it’s insanely good for a whole host of things, including managing our blood sugar, keeping our lungs healthy, helping keep our eyes sharp and strong, having strong bones, and reducing the risks of many diseases including lung cancer, emphysema and glaucoma, and that’s just to name a few. Squash has many other benefits and I’ll link to an article in the show notes if you’d like to read more about it. Now however before you decide to start eating bushels of squash, I do have to warn you about one thing. Squash is very good at lowering blood pressure, and if you have low blood pressure already, squash could lower it even further. So if that’s you, best to eat other veggies instead. Fortunately there are lots of other alternatives that I do mention in other podcast episodes! How you eat squash Now as to how you eat squash, well there are so many ways to eat it! Most people puree it and make pancakes, or they slice it and fry it. My favorite way to eat it – and if you know me you’ll know what that is – it’s to spiralize it! I’ll link to an article in the show notes where I show you how to do just that. You can make great pasta using squash, and you don’t even have to boil it. Plus it’s naturally gluten-free, so everyone can eat it! I’ve also got some delicious recipes that use squash in my 5-Minute Mains recipe ebook that I’ll link to as well. Have YOU got a story to share? Which brings us to the end of this week’s story – and if you’ve got a true story to share (and you’d like to know what food could have saved the day or enhanced your particular situation), I’d love to hear from you! Got a question, or a comment? Got a question, or a comment? Pop a note below in the comments, that would be awesome. You can also subscribe to the podcast to listen ‘on the go’ in iTunes, Stitcher or TuneIn. I hope you have an amazing day. Thank you so much for being here with me to share in my Clean Food, Dirty Stories. Bye for now! RESOURCES How to spiralize veggies: Benefits of squash: Link to 5-Minute Mains and other recipe ebooks: Kate has studied many esoteric and spiritual practices to a basic level from an early age (13). When her Saturn return began (age 28), Kate moved abroad to study different healing techniques with healers and shaman of Philippines and Peru. She learnt that to know and embrace all parts of yourself is where true healing happens. With a holistic attitude to life and endeavouring to approach life from the heart, Kate believes that all aspects of the self – mind, body and spirit – play a part in the health of the person. Finding balance in all these aspects, we can live to our full potential. Kate’s website: http://katefisher.co.ukFind Kate on YouTube Source link

[angusstory]

How Kate Fisher found herself at the brink of death, having to choose between this world and another. Plus one of the best foods to feel grounded, to help you keep a level head and even make better decisions! OK enough hints from me, I’m sure you have no idea what that food is…or maybe you do, so let’s get on with the story. Our guest, Kate Fisher I am super excited to be joined here today for our story by Kate Fisher. Kate is a shamanic practitioner who specialises in helping others to connect with the power that is already within them. She is also an artist, and she works with drums, paint and clay to create shamanic tools, paintings and ceramics. And she works with people not only face to face, but also at a distance which I think is very cool. She has a pretty incredible story to share which I think you’re going to love! So Kate, welcome to the Clean Food, Dirty Stories podcast! Kate: Thanks Barbara. Me: Yeah, it’s great to have you. I’m looking forward to sharing your story. Kate’s story Me: So you work in Norfolk, you live in Kent, but do you have a lot of trees surrounding you now? Because I know that you spent a lot of your childhood in trees, is that what you told me? Is that where your story begins? Kate: Yeah, it kind of is, I was much more into sitting in trees and hanging out there and not really with the other kids. It just felt calming and I later found out that what was actually happening was that I was speaking with the tree deities and the tree spirits themselves. Imaginary friends…with a difference Me: So like when most kids had imaginary friends, like little playmates and stuff, then you just had your playmates that were like in the trees and nature spirits and everything. That’s really cool, when I was little actually, I didn’t play with the other kids either. I was with them but I was a tiger roaring and crawling on the floor. So there were no nature spirits for me, just a bunch of crawling around. On to herbalism At one point you studied herbalism, is that right? How did you come to study that? Kate: Well, I began studying it. After doing my art degree, I actually got a job in Neal’s Yard Remedies in Norwich. And so that just kind of brought me back to plants and their uses. The medicinal uses were the sort of thing I was drawn to. I was going to move to Australia to do the whole course of naturopathy. There was something still missing from that for me. So from that I actually found magical herbalism. Me: Okay. Kate: Yeah, so that’s kind of like hedge witchcraft. It’s understanding that everything has an energy and you can use that energy to help heal and help rebalance. Me: I know about wild plants, you know, and collecting wild plants and just eating them because they taste really good, and I know that nettles for example are really good for arthritis, just little things that you kind of pick up. But that’s kind of all I know. So is it like making teas for people and poultices and things like that out of plants and stuff? Kate: No, no, it’s purely energetic, so it’s basically like spellcasting. Me: OK. Magic herbalism, then on to the Philippines Kate: So you would use certain herbs and plants that have certain attributes and they often correspond with the medicinal uses as well. And you’d kind of enchant them and then you’d make them into little sachets to hand to people and once they’d got their use from it, they would bury it. It was always just for an energetic purpose. Me: Oh OK. Kate: It’s like the old wives’ tale of putting certain things above the door so things can’t come in. Me: I get it. OK. So you were doing herbalism but then I think you stopped, is that right, and you moved to the Philippines? Is that right? Kate: Yeah, that’s right. So magical herbalism still wasn’t doing it for me and I still felt there was something more. And I came across a book and it was called Chance Spirit Shamanism, and this just sent me off! I knew that I had to do something with this because it would take me deeper into that plant realm. The way I actually got to the Philippines was through my ceramics, with a job as a teacher over there. The House of Happiness Me: How did you get that job? That’s really cool. Kate: A Filipino lady, her family ran the college there and she approached me and asked if I would teach there. Me: Wow! Kate: Unfortunately it was in Manila and for me that was just too busy. It’s a really built city with really rich and really poor areas. I found this place called Bahay Kalipay which means the House of Happiness. So I went there, I volunteered and from there I taught this process called The Inner Dance, and this was precisely when my Saturn return hit. I had just turned 28 and I decided to drop everything, I sold everything that I owned in England basically, and I decided to move to the Philippines. Kate’s Saturn return Me: Wow. So can you just…sorry, can you explain to people, some people that may not know, what is a Saturn return and why does it just – cause I’ve experienced one too – what is a Saturn return and why does it turn your life upside down? Kate: Yeah, well, OK. The Saturn return is…Saturn’s in a certain place in the night sky and what happens is when that then comes around which obviously it takes 28 to 30 years to come round in your astrological chart, that changes everything. You’re then kind of pushed or encouraged onto a path that you should have been taking that you may have been diverted from. Some people’s is really turbulent, other people it can be quite free flowing depending on what their life path life has taken. And then this happens again normally in women’s time, it’s normally around the menopause. Me: Well it would be like 28 years later, right? Kate: Exactly, yeah, it’s on that time scale. So it really can turn your life upside down because Saturn’s known as the teacher. If you haven’t learned your lessons, you’re gonna learn them! Why the Philippines Me: Yup! I’ve experienced that so I know exactly what you mean. Yeah, so it can be quite big life changes and stuff, right? What made you decide to move to the Philippines? Kate: Well, in all honesty a man. Me: (laughs) As so often happens… Kate: And he worked at the retreat center that I went to. Yeah, I kind of knew that it wasn’t gonna work out but I’m always this kind of romantic person, I’m just gonna follow my heart…I loved it there anyway because it was just so beautiful and I felt so held there, just on the land. Me: Yeah. So you moved to the Philippines, so if you moved because of him, did you stay with him and then, like, what happened? Releasing inner blocks Kate: Well, I think I moved in with him to begin with, him and his family. And then I went back to work at the retreat center for meditation and the inner dance which is kind of meditative. It allows the flow of energy and any blockages to come out, it can be quite cathartic and transformative in itself. So I went back there and lived there, and I did that for 8 months. I was looking for land to buy as well. Me: So you were gonna buy land in the Philippines? That’s very cool. You said at one point that you had a kind of like dark night of the soul, was that related to the guy? Or… Kate: It was all, you know, a whole lump of stuff rolled in together (laughs). That’s what happens, isn’t it? Me: All at the same time, of course, yeah. Crying in paradise Kate: All at the same time. So yeah, for me, I was in paradise but I was crying my eyes out every day. Me: Oh! Kate: Yeah, and it was just this kind of ultimate depression, but this was something different, it was a transformative kind of time. And I ended up not really seeing the point in life, so I went from, you know, being on a real high and feeling the connection between all things and all of this and then just fell apart and thought, “Well, if everything is nothing and nothing is everything, then what’s the point?” Me: Oh, yeah, I’ve felt like that before so I can relate, yeah. Wow. From the Philippines to Peru Me: And so from there, how did you…you said that you then went to Peru, right? So how did you go from the Philippines to Peru? Did you just one day up and decide to leave, or was there a specific incident where you thought ‘OK I’ve had enough, I’m going to leave now’? Or… Kate: Well I, I’d gone to America to visit my friends over there and then while I was there I phoned this person… Me: Somebody in Peru? Kate: No, sorry, I phoned my boyfriend at the time. Yeah, and he ended up going “Oh I’ve decided I’m going to be a Peace Pilgrim”. Me: A Peace Pilgrim? What’s that? Kate: So it’s someone who walks around without anything, but just goes spreading peace and basically relies on anyone around them to support them. He said “This is my highest excitement”. So I was like, “OK, fine”. Obviously I was a bit heartbroken because I’d just travelled the other side of the world, but it made me suddenly realize that I wasn’t following my highest excitement. So I thought “OK, what’s happening right now? Where’s the mother of all plant learnings?” And it’s happening in Peru, with Ayahuasca, with Huachuma… Ayahuasca and Huachuma Me: What’s huachuma? I mean, I know Ayahuasca and in fact I spoke about that in a previous episode, but what’s huachuma? Kate: Huachuma is also known as San Pedro. San Pedro was the Catholic name they gave when they kind of came over to the South Americas. Huachuma is the original name for it. It’s a cactus that is mescalin-based, so it’s similar to the peyote which is a mescalin-based medicine. Me: Oh OK. So it’s a similar kind of experience with…like a journey like you would do as if you were taking Ayahuasca but you’re taking Huachuma? Kate: It’s similar, yeah. Huachuma’s much more about the earth and less cosmic. Ayahuasca is out there, attaching to everything that is. Huachuma’s about the heart, about connecting back to the earth. Me: Wow. OK, so you did both of those when you were there? Kate: Yeah, that’s right, so I spent 6 months being an apprentice to both of those plants. Me: Oh wow! So now are you able to perform Ayahuasca and Huachuma ceremonies for other people? Kate: I believe I can hold ceremony for Huachuma for other people. With Ayahuasca I decided that I’m just always going to be her apprentice (laughs). I just don’t see how people hold space for that, it’s such a powerful thing. Temazcals (sweat lodges) Me: OK. So you did those, and you also mentioned temazcals, you know, the sweat lodges, what were those like? Kate: It’s really magical. So for somebody who doesn’t, who doesn’t know about a temazcal, can you say a little bit about like what it is? Because I’ve done one, but not everybody knows about it, right? Could you say a little bit about like what it is and what happens and why you might want to do a sweat lodge? Kate: OK. It’s a really sacred ceremony and our ancestors have always used it to cleanse, to rebirth. To go into those sweat lodges is like going back into the mother’s womb. You go in there with thanks, knowing what you want to get rid of or what you want to transition into. And you bless the rocks which are put into a sacred fire. Me: Sacred fire? Kate: Yes. They then heat those for several hours and then you will go into the lodge. You normally go through about four, yeah, four rounds. They’ll bring in a certain number of rocks, and then water is poured onto the rocks once the door is closed. Me: And it gets really, really hot, I remember. Kate: It does. But it builds, it’s not like going into a sauna. Your body gradually kind of gets used to it until it gets so hot that you’re just like “Oh no I can’t do this!” But quite often, we always say that the heat is your friend. Because that heat is sometimes not physical heat, it’s sometimes you know, coming up against maybe a blockage of the energy of the thing that you’re trying to shift, so if you can, stay in. The eyebrow of the Peruvian jungle Me: And so how did you…how did you go from doing the sweat lodges and the Ayahuasca and Huachuma ceremonies to the jungle? Cause you said that you were…I know that you mentioned to me that you were in the jungle with some friends and you had a pretty scary experience there. Can you say a little bit about like how you came to be there, and what happened? Kate: Yeah, definitely. I was – I suppose – an assistant to the woman that owned the retreat center. And we’d become really good friends because we obviously worked really closely together. We were offered a piece of land possibly in a part of the jungle called Manu which is known as the eyebrow of the jungle of Peru. So we went to visit. And our friend who also went with us, he was also an Andean priest. He went and hired a boat and took us to this special island which had quite rare breeds of certain animals, mammals and things. So he takes us over there and we’re just so excited to see a different part and see rare species. Onto the land, you know you just start walking around and admiring things. I think it was about a third of the way around this island and all of a sudden something hit me. When the jungle gets angry Kate: It felt like I’d suddenly started menstruating but it wasn’t that time, it felt like all of my guts were just turning around. I just suddenly went white. Me: Wow! Kate: Literally it just felt like, I don’t know, I could have eaten something that didn’t agree with me, all that kind of stuff. So my friend tried to do an echo cleansing on me. Now all that did – this is the dirty part of the story – was give me diarrhea. It was awful. My body was emptying, everything was too heavy. I was getting rid of everything. It was really quite scary as it progressed. And then this feeling came over me that the jungle was angry. There was always this element of kind of doubt, skepticism I guess. Getting lost in another world But I was about to get lost in another world. The jungle felt like it was pulling me. The world that I knew, that part of the jungle that I was seeing with my physical eyes was disappearing. Me: Wow! That’s scary! Kate: Terrifying. And interesting at the same time. Me: Yeah, kind of like ‘this is really scary but this is really cool!’ Kate: I mean I got really scared up until the point where I thought, ‘OK, maybe I’m going to leave this other world that I know and I’m gonna be taken to another world’. And when I reached that level of acceptance, you know, that strange place of like ‘OK this is just happening’, I told my friends to go on without me. I said, “This is where I stop”. And it was like, it was, I don’t know, it was like I was disappearing. Me: Wow. Kate: Yeah, I…after feeling scared it was suddenly this peace that took over. But then my friends became scared because they realized how real this had become. You know, they couldn’t just leave me in the jungle. Me: Yeah. Kate: And the Andean priest, he was suddenly panicking around me. He was saying in Spanish, in Quechua, panicking about “Oh I haven’t done it, I haven’t done it, I haven’t done it!” He was going on about the ritual or the ceremony that we were supposed to do when we arrived at this land. A hurried ceremony Kate: And so all of a sudden he’s scrambling in his pockets to get things out and I was just flopped on the ground at this point and I had no idea what was going on around me other than his scrambling. He got out the cocoa leaves and he made like a little fan of these and he started doing ceremony. And he was doing all these different things around me but I didn’t have any awareness to be able to learn or witness or anything, it was like I was being absorbed into the jungle floor. The next thing I know he’s yanking me up off the ground saying “Stamp on the floor! Stamp on the floor!” Like this. And I was just like “I can’t do it, I can’t even lift my leg,” like I had nothing left, no physical ability whatsoever. But he was so persistent I just went and I just, I just kind of just flopped my foot on this space and I later found out that he’d buried the cocoa leaves there. And as I touched my foot down, something happened and I felt a little bit stronger. So then he went, “Again!” I stamped again a little bit harder with the strength that I’d found. And he said, “Again!” I stamped my foot even harder, and every time we did this, my energy started coming back and my color started coming back and I felt myself being drawn in, like my energy bodies being drawn back into this physical body. Until we’d done it enough that they felt comfortable with us making our way away from there. Me: Wow. Yeah, and then you just left at that point? Were you supposed to stay longer? Kate: I had to lay there while they went off in the boat for a while so I had to lay in the jungle for a bit and stop. Just to kind of recoup and make sure that I’d gathered all the parts of me back together I think. Me: Yeah, of course, yeah. Fear as teacher Kate: And I gave my thanks and you know, and I said, “Sorry for not knowing better”. I should have known better, that’s what I was there to learn, you know. How to respect these places. Me: Yeah, but you were there to learn. I would have thought the Andean priest would have… I mean, I would have been blaming him! (laughs) Right? Wasn’t he kind of there to, you know, to guide you and look after you? I mean I would have been like, “Dude you forgot something! Look what happened to me!” No? Kate: Well, I suppose, but I didn’t see things that way at that time. I kind of overtook responsibility if that makes sense. But I gave my thanks to the jungle at that point because that’s when my skepticism left and I really started to trust that Spirit is there to guide. And it really showed me its strength, and the only way it could do that was through fear. Me: Wow. Kate: Yeah, I was really, really grateful to have learned that lesson because without that I wouldn’t be able to practice, you know, the techniques that I do today. Me: I bet the Andean priest learned a lot too, right? I bet he never did that again! (laughs) Right? Kate: (laughs) I don’t think so! Me: Almost killed a tourist, can you imagine? Oh my goodness. Wow! What Kate does today So then you said that that experience helped you do the techniques that you do today, so how? Like, how come? What was it about that particular experience and what did you take from there I guess is what I want to ask, that you now use? Yeah, that you use now? Kate: Well it’s just the level of trust. Me: Ah, OK. That makes sense. Kate: When I’m doing the healings or ceremony or anything, I endeavour obviously – I mean sometimes ego gets in the way and makes you feel small. But that’s quite rare these days. I just allow Spirit and the ancestors to guide me. Me: Yup. Yeah, because you have that trust now thanks to your experience in the jungle. I get it, yeah. Wow! So then, yeah, what do you do now to help other people? Because I know you do lots of different things, do you want to say a little bit about that? Kate: Yeah, well the main thing that I endeavour to do, like anyone that I come across I try and support and empower. Even if it’s the smallest thing. And give people that different perspective on themselves. I think we’re so made to feel belittled and that we think that, you know, to think good of ourselves is to be arrogant. But actually we need to come to a space where we can be comfortable and love ourselves without that. Me: Yeah. Kate: It’s really hard to explain! I lead retreats and… Finding The Wild Woman Me: So what kinds of things do you do at the retreats? For example, do you take people on shamanic journeys as a group? Kate: So for the retreats, what I focus on at the moment is women. And I do this alongside a lovely lady called Amy who runs SoulShine social enterprise and we, well we call it Finding the Wild Woman. And it’s all about rewilding, so finding that part of you that’s been repressed through, you know, all the things that we should and shouldn’t do and expressing your authentic self. Me: Oh I like the sound of that, yup! Kate: So we do all sorts of things. Me: Wow, that sounds quite fun. Kate: Yeah, we use all the different elements as well. So you know, we run through kind of water, earth, fire, air, spirit…so people can connect back with those. The very base elements of this world. Me: Wow, that’s very cool. Individual help (even at a distance) Me: So you do those at the retreats, and then I think you said for individual people you help them find balance and things? Like what do you do for individuals? Because I know you also said you do some things at a distance as well. Kate: Yeah, so whether it’s distance or whether people are there, I’ll connect with them and I’ll allow Spirit and ancestors again to work through me. I use my drum, rattle, feathers, anything. I always ask if the person’s comfortable with it. Yeah, and then I use the vibe to kind of realign, as everything’s made of vibration. The intention is to realign those things, on any level that person wants to work. Me: OK. So do people normally come to you…yeah I would imagine people would come to you with a really specific problem, right? Can it be any kind of problem? Like, I don’t know, like everything from physical problems like physical ailments to maybe emotional problems or mental problems? Kate: Yeah, definitely. Me: So a bit of everything. Super! OK Kate: The most common tends to be physical or emotional, but actually you find out that they’re all interlinked so you just follow that path until… Me: Yeah, I know what you mean. Training for the Celtic sweat lodge Me: So do you run sweat lodges? Do you use that tool in your work at all? Kate: I’m not running them yet, I’m gonna do another 2 years learning the Celtic lodge. Me: So how long does it take then to train to learn the Celtic sweat lodges? Kate: Well, I’m taking three years to do it. Me: Three years, OK. Is that your choice to do it over a longer period? Kate: Yeah, I know that you can learn the practicalities in a couple of weekends, but to have the experience of actually supporting people through that process… Me: Oh yeah, that’s the biggest bit, yeah. Kate: It’s a very different ballgame. My own experience in a sweat lodge Me: Yeah, of course, cause I know, I mean I know for me that when I did a sweat lodge, yeah it was years ago now. And at the time I was…I was a total mess! And so when it got really, really hot, I could feel that kind of…how can I describe it? It was kind of like as if there was a well at the bottom of my being that was filled with all these like dark stuff. You know, fears and things like that that never got to come up to the surface, you know? That never got acknowledged. Just like really primal stuff, you know, almost as if you could tap into your most primal fears because there was no cultural barrier. There was no mental barrier, you know. You were just so hot that your mind…I mean for me my mind almost just left my body really because it was just so hot. And I thought that was…that was quite an amazing experience. I mean for me I was like wow! It was scary but it was also really cool and I can imagine that for some people… I mean, I like to think that I’m a pretty strong cookie but I imagine it would be scary for people to come to grips with what they find and to have to kind of, yeah, deal with that. I mean if they uncover something they didn’t know about themselves before, maybe something that’s super scary, then yeah I would imagine you have to have the tools to deal with that, right? Kate: That’s right, yeah. You’ve got to be able to support people after they’ve kind of gone through the sweat lodge process. Like you say, sometimes people are left with things that they need to kind of then kind of speak through or go into a bit more. Me: Wow, yeah. But I’d definitely say better out than in, right? All that stuff. Where to find Kate Kate thank you so much for coming on to share your story. There’s a friend of mine that also mentioned that when you hold any kind of retreat or workshop or any kind of event in nature, she said just ask the spirits there for permission so you’re on their terrain as it were. So that’s a really good example of what can happen if you don’t, right? I’ll have to tell her about it. Well, I’ll have to get her to listen to the episode. But thank you so much for sharing that, I really appreciate it and I’ll link to everything that you do below, but do you just want to say where… Where can people find you? What’s the easiest way to find you? Kate: Yeah, it’s easiest to find me on Facebook at the moment because I’m still working on my website but that’s at kfheartwisdom. Me: Super! OK. I’ll put the link to your site as well. Is it katefisher.co.uk? Is that right? Kate: Yeah. Me: Thank you so much, I really appreciate it, and I think I’m going to dive into our food tip. Foods to feel grounded And it’s really funny that there was all this stuff about stamping on the ground and everything because… I mentioned at the beginning of this episode that I would share one of the best foods to feel grounded. And first I do want to kind of emphasize what I mean when we say grounded. When we feel grounded, we feel more connected to the earth. Now this might sound airy-fairy, but it’s actually really important. So you can think of feeling grounded as the opposite of scatterbrained. In other words, instead of feeling confused, all over the place, not knowing what to do, when you’re grounded you actually have a clarity of purpose. It enables you to not only get things done but to know what those things actually are that you need to do for your own happiness. And believe me, this is really, really important. I speak from very personal experience. The other way that you can think of being grounded is eating foods to feel grounded. It’s kind of like getting the benefits of comfort food without gaining weight, if that makes sense. You do get that, yeah, that sense of comfort from these particular foods, but you’re eating good food, you know? Rather than junk. And for those of you who want to do some of your own shamanic journeys as Kate did, this particular food that I’m going to talk about can help you stay connected to this world too. So although there are many foods to feel grounded, the ones that I want to mention here, or the one specific one is…squash! Benefits of squash And when I say squash, this actually covers a variety of vegetables: so you’ve got spaghetti squash, summer squash, zucchini, marrow and pumpkin. Those are all types of squash. Gourds as well, those are squash. Squash is one of the oldest foods around – it’s been cultivated for at least 10,000 years, and it may look kind of ordinary, but it has a lot of health benefits. Now you may not know this, but squash is listed as anti-fungal, antibacterial and anti-inflammatory! It contains vitamin A, several B vitamins, folates, magnesium, potassium, iron, copper, zinc, manganese, calcium, and beta carotene among other antioxidants. So it’s insanely good for a whole host of things, including managing our blood sugar, keeping our lungs healthy, helping keep our eyes sharp and strong, having strong bones, and reducing the risks of many diseases including lung cancer, emphysema and glaucoma, and that’s just to name a few. Squash has many other benefits and I’ll link to an article in the show notes if you’d like to read more about it. Now however before you decide to start eating bushels of squash, I do have to warn you about one thing. Squash is very good at lowering blood pressure, and if you have low blood pressure already, squash could lower it even further. So if that’s you, best to eat other veggies instead. Fortunately there are lots of other alternatives that I do mention in other podcast episodes! How you eat squash Now as to how you eat squash, well there are so many ways to eat it! Most people puree it and make pancakes, or they slice it and fry it. My favorite way to eat it – and if you know me you’ll know what that is – it’s to spiralize it! I’ll link to an article in the show notes where I show you how to do just that. You can make great pasta using squash, and you don’t even have to boil it. Plus it’s naturally gluten-free, so everyone can eat it! I’ve also got some delicious recipes that use squash in my 5-Minute Mains recipe ebook that I’ll link to as well. Have YOU got a story to share? Which brings us to the end of this week’s story – and if you’ve got a true story to share (and you’d like to know what food could have saved the day or enhanced your particular situation), I’d love to hear from you! Got a question, or a comment? Got a question, or a comment? Pop a note below in the comments, that would be awesome. You can also subscribe to the podcast to listen ‘on the go’ in iTunes, Stitcher or TuneIn. I hope you have an amazing day. Thank you so much for being here with me to share in my Clean Food, Dirty Stories. Bye for now! RESOURCES How to spiralize veggies: Benefits of squash: Link to 5-Minute Mains and other recipe ebooks: Kate has studied many esoteric and spiritual practices to a basic level from an early age (13). When her Saturn return began (age 28), Kate moved abroad to study different healing techniques with healers and shaman of Philippines and Peru. She learnt that to know and embrace all parts of yourself is where true healing happens. With a holistic attitude to life and endeavouring to approach life from the heart, Kate believes that all aspects of the self – mind, body and spirit – play a part in the health of the person. Finding balance in all these aspects, we can live to our full potential. Kate’s website: http://katefisher.co.ukFind Kate on YouTube Source link

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How Kate Fisher found herself at the brink of death, having to choose between this world and another. Plus one of the best foods to feel grounded, to help you keep a level head and even make better decisions! OK enough hints from me, I’m sure you have no idea what that food is…or maybe you do, so let’s get on with the story. Our guest, Kate Fisher I am super excited to be joined here today for our story by Kate Fisher. Kate is a shamanic practitioner who specialises in helping others to connect with the power that is already within them. She is also an artist, and she works with drums, paint and clay to create shamanic tools, paintings and ceramics. And she works with people not only face to face, but also at a distance which I think is very cool. She has a pretty incredible story to share which I think you’re going to love! So Kate, welcome to the Clean Food, Dirty Stories podcast! Kate: Thanks Barbara. Me: Yeah, it’s great to have you. I’m looking forward to sharing your story. Kate’s story Me: So you work in Norfolk, you live in Kent, but do you have a lot of trees surrounding you now? Because I know that you spent a lot of your childhood in trees, is that what you told me? Is that where your story begins? Kate: Yeah, it kind of is, I was much more into sitting in trees and hanging out there and not really with the other kids. It just felt calming and I later found out that what was actually happening was that I was speaking with the tree deities and the tree spirits themselves. Imaginary friends…with a difference Me: So like when most kids had imaginary friends, like little playmates and stuff, then you just had your playmates that were like in the trees and nature spirits and everything. That’s really cool, when I was little actually, I didn’t play with the other kids either. I was with them but I was a tiger roaring and crawling on the floor. So there were no nature spirits for me, just a bunch of crawling around. On to herbalism At one point you studied herbalism, is that right? How did you come to study that? Kate: Well, I began studying it. After doing my art degree, I actually got a job in Neal’s Yard Remedies in Norwich. And so that just kind of brought me back to plants and their uses. The medicinal uses were the sort of thing I was drawn to. I was going to move to Australia to do the whole course of naturopathy. There was something still missing from that for me. So from that I actually found magical herbalism. Me: Okay. Kate: Yeah, so that’s kind of like hedge witchcraft. It’s understanding that everything has an energy and you can use that energy to help heal and help rebalance. Me: I know about wild plants, you know, and collecting wild plants and just eating them because they taste really good, and I know that nettles for example are really good for arthritis, just little things that you kind of pick up. But that’s kind of all I know. So is it like making teas for people and poultices and things like that out of plants and stuff? Kate: No, no, it’s purely energetic, so it’s basically like spellcasting. Me: OK. Magic herbalism, then on to the Philippines Kate: So you would use certain herbs and plants that have certain attributes and they often correspond with the medicinal uses as well. And you’d kind of enchant them and then you’d make them into little sachets to hand to people and once they’d got their use from it, they would bury it. It was always just for an energetic purpose. Me: Oh OK. Kate: It’s like the old wives’ tale of putting certain things above the door so things can’t come in. Me: I get it. OK. So you were doing herbalism but then I think you stopped, is that right, and you moved to the Philippines? Is that right? Kate: Yeah, that’s right. So magical herbalism still wasn’t doing it for me and I still felt there was something more. And I came across a book and it was called Chance Spirit Shamanism, and this just sent me off! I knew that I had to do something with this because it would take me deeper into that plant realm. The way I actually got to the Philippines was through my ceramics, with a job as a teacher over there. The House of Happiness Me: How did you get that job? That’s really cool. Kate: A Filipino lady, her family ran the college there and she approached me and asked if I would teach there. Me: Wow! Kate: Unfortunately it was in Manila and for me that was just too busy. It’s a really built city with really rich and really poor areas. I found this place called Bahay Kalipay which means the House of Happiness. So I went there, I volunteered and from there I taught this process called The Inner Dance, and this was precisely when my Saturn return hit. I had just turned 28 and I decided to drop everything, I sold everything that I owned in England basically, and I decided to move to the Philippines. Kate’s Saturn return Me: Wow. So can you just…sorry, can you explain to people, some people that may not know, what is a Saturn return and why does it just – cause I’ve experienced one too – what is a Saturn return and why does it turn your life upside down? Kate: Yeah, well, OK. The Saturn return is…Saturn’s in a certain place in the night sky and what happens is when that then comes around which obviously it takes 28 to 30 years to come round in your astrological chart, that changes everything. You’re then kind of pushed or encouraged onto a path that you should have been taking that you may have been diverted from. Some people’s is really turbulent, other people it can be quite free flowing depending on what their life path life has taken. And then this happens again normally in women’s time, it’s normally around the menopause. Me: Well it would be like 28 years later, right? Kate: Exactly, yeah, it’s on that time scale. So it really can turn your life upside down because Saturn’s known as the teacher. If you haven’t learned your lessons, you’re gonna learn them! Why the Philippines Me: Yup! I’ve experienced that so I know exactly what you mean. Yeah, so it can be quite big life changes and stuff, right? What made you decide to move to the Philippines? Kate: Well, in all honesty a man. Me: (laughs) As so often happens… Kate: And he worked at the retreat center that I went to. Yeah, I kind of knew that it wasn’t gonna work out but I’m always this kind of romantic person, I’m just gonna follow my heart…I loved it there anyway because it was just so beautiful and I felt so held there, just on the land. Me: Yeah. So you moved to the Philippines, so if you moved because of him, did you stay with him and then, like, what happened? Releasing inner blocks Kate: Well, I think I moved in with him to begin with, him and his family. And then I went back to work at the retreat center for meditation and the inner dance which is kind of meditative. It allows the flow of energy and any blockages to come out, it can be quite cathartic and transformative in itself. So I went back there and lived there, and I did that for 8 months. I was looking for land to buy as well. Me: So you were gonna buy land in the Philippines? That’s very cool. You said at one point that you had a kind of like dark night of the soul, was that related to the guy? Or… Kate: It was all, you know, a whole lump of stuff rolled in together (laughs). That’s what happens, isn’t it? Me: All at the same time, of course, yeah. Crying in paradise Kate: All at the same time. So yeah, for me, I was in paradise but I was crying my eyes out every day. Me: Oh! Kate: Yeah, and it was just this kind of ultimate depression, but this was something different, it was a transformative kind of time. And I ended up not really seeing the point in life, so I went from, you know, being on a real high and feeling the connection between all things and all of this and then just fell apart and thought, “Well, if everything is nothing and nothing is everything, then what’s the point?” Me: Oh, yeah, I’ve felt like that before so I can relate, yeah. Wow. From the Philippines to Peru Me: And so from there, how did you…you said that you then went to Peru, right? So how did you go from the Philippines to Peru? Did you just one day up and decide to leave, or was there a specific incident where you thought ‘OK I’ve had enough, I’m going to leave now’? Or… Kate: Well I, I’d gone to America to visit my friends over there and then while I was there I phoned this person… Me: Somebody in Peru? Kate: No, sorry, I phoned my boyfriend at the time. Yeah, and he ended up going “Oh I’ve decided I’m going to be a Peace Pilgrim”. Me: A Peace Pilgrim? What’s that? Kate: So it’s someone who walks around without anything, but just goes spreading peace and basically relies on anyone around them to support them. He said “This is my highest excitement”. So I was like, “OK, fine”. Obviously I was a bit heartbroken because I’d just travelled the other side of the world, but it made me suddenly realize that I wasn’t following my highest excitement. So I thought “OK, what’s happening right now? Where’s the mother of all plant learnings?” And it’s happening in Peru, with Ayahuasca, with Huachuma… Ayahuasca and Huachuma Me: What’s huachuma? I mean, I know Ayahuasca and in fact I spoke about that in a previous episode, but what’s huachuma? Kate: Huachuma is also known as San Pedro. San Pedro was the Catholic name they gave when they kind of came over to the South Americas. Huachuma is the original name for it. It’s a cactus that is mescalin-based, so it’s similar to the peyote which is a mescalin-based medicine. Me: Oh OK. So it’s a similar kind of experience with…like a journey like you would do as if you were taking Ayahuasca but you’re taking Huachuma? Kate: It’s similar, yeah. Huachuma’s much more about the earth and less cosmic. Ayahuasca is out there, attaching to everything that is. Huachuma’s about the heart, about connecting back to the earth. Me: Wow. OK, so you did both of those when you were there? Kate: Yeah, that’s right, so I spent 6 months being an apprentice to both of those plants. Me: Oh wow! So now are you able to perform Ayahuasca and Huachuma ceremonies for other people? Kate: I believe I can hold ceremony for Huachuma for other people. With Ayahuasca I decided that I’m just always going to be her apprentice (laughs). I just don’t see how people hold space for that, it’s such a powerful thing. Temazcals (sweat lodges) Me: OK. So you did those, and you also mentioned temazcals, you know, the sweat lodges, what were those like? Kate: It’s really magical. So for somebody who doesn’t, who doesn’t know about a temazcal, can you say a little bit about like what it is? Because I’ve done one, but not everybody knows about it, right? Could you say a little bit about like what it is and what happens and why you might want to do a sweat lodge? Kate: OK. It’s a really sacred ceremony and our ancestors have always used it to cleanse, to rebirth. To go into those sweat lodges is like going back into the mother’s womb. You go in there with thanks, knowing what you want to get rid of or what you want to transition into. And you bless the rocks which are put into a sacred fire. Me: Sacred fire? Kate: Yes. They then heat those for several hours and then you will go into the lodge. You normally go through about four, yeah, four rounds. They’ll bring in a certain number of rocks, and then water is poured onto the rocks once the door is closed. Me: And it gets really, really hot, I remember. Kate: It does. But it builds, it’s not like going into a sauna. Your body gradually kind of gets used to it until it gets so hot that you’re just like “Oh no I can’t do this!” But quite often, we always say that the heat is your friend. Because that heat is sometimes not physical heat, it’s sometimes you know, coming up against maybe a blockage of the energy of the thing that you’re trying to shift, so if you can, stay in. The eyebrow of the Peruvian jungle Me: And so how did you…how did you go from doing the sweat lodges and the Ayahuasca and Huachuma ceremonies to the jungle? Cause you said that you were…I know that you mentioned to me that you were in the jungle with some friends and you had a pretty scary experience there. Can you say a little bit about like how you came to be there, and what happened? Kate: Yeah, definitely. I was – I suppose – an assistant to the woman that owned the retreat center. And we’d become really good friends because we obviously worked really closely together. We were offered a piece of land possibly in a part of the jungle called Manu which is known as the eyebrow of the jungle of Peru. So we went to visit. And our friend who also went with us, he was also an Andean priest. He went and hired a boat and took us to this special island which had quite rare breeds of certain animals, mammals and things. So he takes us over there and we’re just so excited to see a different part and see rare species. Onto the land, you know you just start walking around and admiring things. I think it was about a third of the way around this island and all of a sudden something hit me. When the jungle gets angry Kate: It felt like I’d suddenly started menstruating but it wasn’t that time, it felt like all of my guts were just turning around. I just suddenly went white. Me: Wow! Kate: Literally it just felt like, I don’t know, I could have eaten something that didn’t agree with me, all that kind of stuff. So my friend tried to do an echo cleansing on me. Now all that did – this is the dirty part of the story – was give me diarrhea. It was awful. My body was emptying, everything was too heavy. I was getting rid of everything. It was really quite scary as it progressed. And then this feeling came over me that the jungle was angry. There was always this element of kind of doubt, skepticism I guess. Getting lost in another world But I was about to get lost in another world. The jungle felt like it was pulling me. The world that I knew, that part of the jungle that I was seeing with my physical eyes was disappearing. Me: Wow! That’s scary! Kate: Terrifying. And interesting at the same time. Me: Yeah, kind of like ‘this is really scary but this is really cool!’ Kate: I mean I got really scared up until the point where I thought, ‘OK, maybe I’m going to leave this other world that I know and I’m gonna be taken to another world’. And when I reached that level of acceptance, you know, that strange place of like ‘OK this is just happening’, I told my friends to go on without me. I said, “This is where I stop”. And it was like, it was, I don’t know, it was like I was disappearing. Me: Wow. Kate: Yeah, I…after feeling scared it was suddenly this peace that took over. But then my friends became scared because they realized how real this had become. You know, they couldn’t just leave me in the jungle. Me: Yeah. Kate: And the Andean priest, he was suddenly panicking around me. He was saying in Spanish, in Quechua, panicking about “Oh I haven’t done it, I haven’t done it, I haven’t done it!” He was going on about the ritual or the ceremony that we were supposed to do when we arrived at this land. A hurried ceremony Kate: And so all of a sudden he’s scrambling in his pockets to get things out and I was just flopped on the ground at this point and I had no idea what was going on around me other than his scrambling. He got out the cocoa leaves and he made like a little fan of these and he started doing ceremony. And he was doing all these different things around me but I didn’t have any awareness to be able to learn or witness or anything, it was like I was being absorbed into the jungle floor. The next thing I know he’s yanking me up off the ground saying “Stamp on the floor! Stamp on the floor!” Like this. And I was just like “I can’t do it, I can’t even lift my leg,” like I had nothing left, no physical ability whatsoever. But he was so persistent I just went and I just, I just kind of just flopped my foot on this space and I later found out that he’d buried the cocoa leaves there. And as I touched my foot down, something happened and I felt a little bit stronger. So then he went, “Again!” I stamped again a little bit harder with the strength that I’d found. And he said, “Again!” I stamped my foot even harder, and every time we did this, my energy started coming back and my color started coming back and I felt myself being drawn in, like my energy bodies being drawn back into this physical body. Until we’d done it enough that they felt comfortable with us making our way away from there. Me: Wow. Yeah, and then you just left at that point? Were you supposed to stay longer? Kate: I had to lay there while they went off in the boat for a while so I had to lay in the jungle for a bit and stop. Just to kind of recoup and make sure that I’d gathered all the parts of me back together I think. Me: Yeah, of course, yeah. Fear as teacher Kate: And I gave my thanks and you know, and I said, “Sorry for not knowing better”. I should have known better, that’s what I was there to learn, you know. How to respect these places. Me: Yeah, but you were there to learn. I would have thought the Andean priest would have… I mean, I would have been blaming him! (laughs) Right? Wasn’t he kind of there to, you know, to guide you and look after you? I mean I would have been like, “Dude you forgot something! Look what happened to me!” No? Kate: Well, I suppose, but I didn’t see things that way at that time. I kind of overtook responsibility if that makes sense. But I gave my thanks to the jungle at that point because that’s when my skepticism left and I really started to trust that Spirit is there to guide. And it really showed me its strength, and the only way it could do that was through fear. Me: Wow. Kate: Yeah, I was really, really grateful to have learned that lesson because without that I wouldn’t be able to practice, you know, the techniques that I do today. Me: I bet the Andean priest learned a lot too, right? I bet he never did that again! (laughs) Right? Kate: (laughs) I don’t think so! Me: Almost killed a tourist, can you imagine? Oh my goodness. Wow! What Kate does today So then you said that that experience helped you do the techniques that you do today, so how? Like, how come? What was it about that particular experience and what did you take from there I guess is what I want to ask, that you now use? Yeah, that you use now? Kate: Well it’s just the level of trust. Me: Ah, OK. That makes sense. Kate: When I’m doing the healings or ceremony or anything, I endeavour obviously – I mean sometimes ego gets in the way and makes you feel small. But that’s quite rare these days. I just allow Spirit and the ancestors to guide me. Me: Yup. Yeah, because you have that trust now thanks to your experience in the jungle. I get it, yeah. Wow! So then, yeah, what do you do now to help other people? Because I know you do lots of different things, do you want to say a little bit about that? Kate: Yeah, well the main thing that I endeavour to do, like anyone that I come across I try and support and empower. Even if it’s the smallest thing. And give people that different perspective on themselves. I think we’re so made to feel belittled and that we think that, you know, to think good of ourselves is to be arrogant. But actually we need to come to a space where we can be comfortable and love ourselves without that. Me: Yeah. Kate: It’s really hard to explain! I lead retreats and… Finding The Wild Woman Me: So what kinds of things do you do at the retreats? For example, do you take people on shamanic journeys as a group? Kate: So for the retreats, what I focus on at the moment is women. And I do this alongside a lovely lady called Amy who runs SoulShine social enterprise and we, well we call it Finding the Wild Woman. And it’s all about rewilding, so finding that part of you that’s been repressed through, you know, all the things that we should and shouldn’t do and expressing your authentic self. Me: Oh I like the sound of that, yup! Kate: So we do all sorts of things. Me: Wow, that sounds quite fun. Kate: Yeah, we use all the different elements as well. So you know, we run through kind of water, earth, fire, air, spirit…so people can connect back with those. The very base elements of this world. Me: Wow, that’s very cool. Individual help (even at a distance) Me: So you do those at the retreats, and then I think you said for individual people you help them find balance and things? Like what do you do for individuals? Because I know you also said you do some things at a distance as well. Kate: Yeah, so whether it’s distance or whether people are there, I’ll connect with them and I’ll allow Spirit and ancestors again to work through me. I use my drum, rattle, feathers, anything. I always ask if the person’s comfortable with it. Yeah, and then I use the vibe to kind of realign, as everything’s made of vibration. The intention is to realign those things, on any level that person wants to work. Me: OK. So do people normally come to you…yeah I would imagine people would come to you with a really specific problem, right? Can it be any kind of problem? Like, I don’t know, like everything from physical problems like physical ailments to maybe emotional problems or mental problems? Kate: Yeah, definitely. Me: So a bit of everything. Super! OK Kate: The most common tends to be physical or emotional, but actually you find out that they’re all interlinked so you just follow that path until… Me: Yeah, I know what you mean. Training for the Celtic sweat lodge Me: So do you run sweat lodges? Do you use that tool in your work at all? Kate: I’m not running them yet, I’m gonna do another 2 years learning the Celtic lodge. Me: So how long does it take then to train to learn the Celtic sweat lodges? Kate: Well, I’m taking three years to do it. Me: Three years, OK. Is that your choice to do it over a longer period? Kate: Yeah, I know that you can learn the practicalities in a couple of weekends, but to have the experience of actually supporting people through that process… Me: Oh yeah, that’s the biggest bit, yeah. Kate: It’s a very different ballgame. My own experience in a sweat lodge Me: Yeah, of course, cause I know, I mean I know for me that when I did a sweat lodge, yeah it was years ago now. And at the time I was…I was a total mess! And so when it got really, really hot, I could feel that kind of…how can I describe it? It was kind of like as if there was a well at the bottom of my being that was filled with all these like dark stuff. You know, fears and things like that that never got to come up to the surface, you know? That never got acknowledged. Just like really primal stuff, you know, almost as if you could tap into your most primal fears because there was no cultural barrier. There was no mental barrier, you know. You were just so hot that your mind…I mean for me my mind almost just left my body really because it was just so hot. And I thought that was…that was quite an amazing experience. I mean for me I was like wow! It was scary but it was also really cool and I can imagine that for some people… I mean, I like to think that I’m a pretty strong cookie but I imagine it would be scary for people to come to grips with what they find and to have to kind of, yeah, deal with that. I mean if they uncover something they didn’t know about themselves before, maybe something that’s super scary, then yeah I would imagine you have to have the tools to deal with that, right? Kate: That’s right, yeah. You’ve got to be able to support people after they’ve kind of gone through the sweat lodge process. Like you say, sometimes people are left with things that they need to kind of then kind of speak through or go into a bit more. Me: Wow, yeah. But I’d definitely say better out than in, right? All that stuff. Where to find Kate Kate thank you so much for coming on to share your story. There’s a friend of mine that also mentioned that when you hold any kind of retreat or workshop or any kind of event in nature, she said just ask the spirits there for permission so you’re on their terrain as it were. So that’s a really good example of what can happen if you don’t, right? I’ll have to tell her about it. Well, I’ll have to get her to listen to the episode. But thank you so much for sharing that, I really appreciate it and I’ll link to everything that you do below, but do you just want to say where… Where can people find you? What’s the easiest way to find you? Kate: Yeah, it’s easiest to find me on Facebook at the moment because I’m still working on my website but that’s at kfheartwisdom. Me: Super! OK. I’ll put the link to your site as well. Is it katefisher.co.uk? Is that right? Kate: Yeah. Me: Thank you so much, I really appreciate it, and I think I’m going to dive into our food tip. Foods to feel grounded And it’s really funny that there was all this stuff about stamping on the ground and everything because… I mentioned at the beginning of this episode that I would share one of the best foods to feel grounded. And first I do want to kind of emphasize what I mean when we say grounded. When we feel grounded, we feel more connected to the earth. Now this might sound airy-fairy, but it’s actually really important. So you can think of feeling grounded as the opposite of scatterbrained. In other words, instead of feeling confused, all over the place, not knowing what to do, when you’re grounded you actually have a clarity of purpose. It enables you to not only get things done but to know what those things actually are that you need to do for your own happiness. And believe me, this is really, really important. I speak from very personal experience. The other way that you can think of being grounded is eating foods to feel grounded. It’s kind of like getting the benefits of comfort food without gaining weight, if that makes sense. You do get that, yeah, that sense of comfort from these particular foods, but you’re eating good food, you know? Rather than junk. And for those of you who want to do some of your own shamanic journeys as Kate did, this particular food that I’m going to talk about can help you stay connected to this world too. So although there are many foods to feel grounded, the ones that I want to mention here, or the one specific one is…squash! Benefits of squash And when I say squash, this actually covers a variety of vegetables: so you’ve got spaghetti squash, summer squash, zucchini, marrow and pumpkin. Those are all types of squash. Gourds as well, those are squash. Squash is one of the oldest foods around – it’s been cultivated for at least 10,000 years, and it may look kind of ordinary, but it has a lot of health benefits. Now you may not know this, but squash is listed as anti-fungal, antibacterial and anti-inflammatory! It contains vitamin A, several B vitamins, folates, magnesium, potassium, iron, copper, zinc, manganese, calcium, and beta carotene among other antioxidants. So it’s insanely good for a whole host of things, including managing our blood sugar, keeping our lungs healthy, helping keep our eyes sharp and strong, having strong bones, and reducing the risks of many diseases including lung cancer, emphysema and glaucoma, and that’s just to name a few. Squash has many other benefits and I’ll link to an article in the show notes if you’d like to read more about it. Now however before you decide to start eating bushels of squash, I do have to warn you about one thing. Squash is very good at lowering blood pressure, and if you have low blood pressure already, squash could lower it even further. So if that’s you, best to eat other veggies instead. Fortunately there are lots of other alternatives that I do mention in other podcast episodes! How you eat squash Now as to how you eat squash, well there are so many ways to eat it! Most people puree it and make pancakes, or they slice it and fry it. My favorite way to eat it – and if you know me you’ll know what that is – it’s to spiralize it! I’ll link to an article in the show notes where I show you how to do just that. You can make great pasta using squash, and you don’t even have to boil it. Plus it’s naturally gluten-free, so everyone can eat it! I’ve also got some delicious recipes that use squash in my 5-Minute Mains recipe ebook that I’ll link to as well. Have YOU got a story to share? Which brings us to the end of this week’s story – and if you’ve got a true story to share (and you’d like to know what food could have saved the day or enhanced your particular situation), I’d love to hear from you! Got a question, or a comment? Got a question, or a comment? Pop a note below in the comments, that would be awesome. You can also subscribe to the podcast to listen ‘on the go’ in iTunes, Stitcher or TuneIn. I hope you have an amazing day. Thank you so much for being here with me to share in my Clean Food, Dirty Stories. Bye for now! RESOURCES How to spiralize veggies: Benefits of squash: Link to 5-Minute Mains and other recipe ebooks: Kate has studied many esoteric and spiritual practices to a basic level from an early age (13). When her Saturn return began (age 28), Kate moved abroad to study different healing techniques with healers and shaman of Philippines and Peru. She learnt that to know and embrace all parts of yourself is where true healing happens. With a holistic attitude to life and endeavouring to approach life from the heart, Kate believes that all aspects of the self – mind, body and spirit – play a part in the health of the person. Finding balance in all these aspects, we can live to our full potential. Kate’s website: http://katefisher.co.ukFind Kate on YouTube Source link