#CC-PD-Mark

[kommabortsig]

Death_of_princess_maria_amelia.jpg

[sesamenom]

meet again at the end of time

(aka: C&C finally get their own pet edain)

some background:

(for those not following the braywashed saga) the two guys in the middle are (real, entirely human) wrestlers Elton Prince & Kit Wilson of Pretty Deadly, introduced to the silm fandom by @kitwilsonsass, and known for their uncanny resemblance to C&C in both appearance and demeanor.

As Arda is Earth, the Dagorath has not yet happened, and PD are human people who exist, it is entirely canon compliant for them to join C&C in the dagorath. Hence, CCPD alliance.

design notes:

CC

Celegorm's tattoos represent a symbol of devotion to Orome/the Hunt by imitating Orome's vala markings. Given that bows aren't the best weapon for melee fights, his primary weapon here is based on a boar spear, because I imagine similar tactics would be helpful against some of Morgoth's larger creatures. He wears the Feanorian star once on his armband and once painted on his shield (not shown).

Curufin's helm is based off the Silm description of the red-plumed helms of the Host of Feanor. His armor features one Feanorian star and the Trees (telperion not shown), and his shield bears one other star. He wears a dwarven knife (not Angrist since beren broke it) on his belt.

PD

Based on braywashed's assortment of PD outfit posts, they seem to have a light/dark color scheme, reflected here in their armor colors. Their hairstyles are based on what seems like their irl/interview-hair (aka practical hairstyle, because as unnaturally elven as they are they sadly do not have magical hair) (x). Elto's pink arrow fletchings and Kitto's blue mesh cape refer to the pink/blue matching outfit (x), while Elto's bow/quiver harness and both of their shirt colors reference the harness outfit.

Their weapons follow the opposite color scheme as their armor for contrast purposes, and weapon types (double rapiers + bow, double daggers) are based on braywashed's post here.

Both of PD's armor designs draw influence from c. 15th century English armor, seeing as they are British people, and feature a unique half-breastplate evocative of the extremely cropped sleeve shirt things they normally wear when wrestling.

edit: uploaded the wrong version (no tattoos) at first oops

[viktorviolettaenterprises]

Glock Pistols Series (Tribute to Gaston Glock)

GET YOURS HERE!!!

Just remastered some old works of the Glock Pistol Series as a tribute to the late Gaston Glock, the inventor of the Glock Pistol that has significantly contributed to the firearms industry since 1982. Rest in peace, sir. Your legacy will remain in our hearts, and your contribution to the firearms industry, especially pistols in Late 20th Century. Sorry For Late Tribute Post. I Need to Find the Best Glock Model for this Tribute and Improving the Existing Models Thank you @exzentra-reblog @coffee-cc-finds @bdangkingfish @evgenyesipov1999 @sparkiekong @helenofsimblr @igglemouse

Known for its distinct shape like a box, Glock emphasizes its tradition of perfection in almost every design they issue. The journey began in 1982 when Glock Ges.mbH introduced their 17th patent, which would later be known as the Glock 17. It is a 9mm-chambered pistol that would change the mindset of the sidearm industry. Although not the first polymer-made pistol (the first was an HK VP70), it offered the value of a lightweight, high-capacity magazine pistol. The Glock 17 entered the US market in 1986. Despite initial rejection by both Glock and the US Military as a replacement for the 1911, Glock started to capture the attention of American police departments (PDs).

By 1987, it began to be adopted by police departments, with others following suit in issuing Glocks as their standard sidearm. The key to Glock's success in police departments lies in its affordable price, ease of maintenance, numerous interchangeable parts, and, of course, the double-trigger system. Although it may be challenging to execute a follow-up shot quickly, it ensures safety when the pistol is not in use. Additionally, this sidearm is popular for deployment alongside the Secret Service.

In this case, VVE covers some of the Glock series to the SimVerse usage, like :

Standard

Standards Glocks are full-sized pistols that are designed for duty and home defense use. Barrel lengths are 4.49 inches and 4.61 inches depending on caliber. Standard-sized Glocks are some of the most commonly sold pistols and strike the right balance between size, weight, and controllability.

Glock 17

The Glock 17 is the original 9×19mm Parabellum model, with a standard magazine capacity of 17 rounds, introduced in 1982. Glock also offers a version of the standard magazine which incorporates a longer "+2" base plate to provide a capacity of 19 rounds. Also, a 10-round version of the standard magazine was created for markets that restrict the magazine capacity of handguns. And, Glock offers an extended 24 round (with flush base plate) magazine for the Glock 17. Finally, the Glock 17 can use the Glock 18's extended 33 round (with +2 base plate) magazine. The base plates for the extended magazines can be swapped out to create 26 and 31 round magazines as well

Thank you For @effiethejay For NYPD Uniform!

Glock 22

Also a standard-barrel version, but in this case, with a silver sliding) in Reality this is Just A Glock 17 Chambered with 40 Smith & Wesson for Better Punch. Perfect Pistol For FBI And Law Enforcement who looking better Punch but Maintain Controllability.

GLOCK 18

The Glock 18 is a Select Version variant of the Glock 17, designed for the Austrian counter-terrorist unit EKO Cobra. Introduced in 1986, it features a selective-fire option, allowing both fully automatic (1,100–1,200 RPM) and semi-automatic firing modes. The circular selector switch on the rear left side of the slide controls the firing mode. The pistol is often equipped with a 33-round magazine and can be used with or without a shoulder stock for added stability. This Particular Model is First Production of Glock 18 which marked by Extended Barrel and Lack of Compensator to Reduce the Recoil.

Thank you For @plazasims For Jill Valentine outfit & @mimoto-sims For Pose

GLOCK 18C

The Improved Model Of Glock 18. The compensator cuts start about halfway back on the top of the barrel. The two rear cuts are narrower than the two front cuts. The slide is hollowed, or dished-out, in a rectangular pattern between the rear of the ejection port and the rear sight. The rate of fire in fully automatic mode is around 1,100–1,200 rounds per minute. Most of the other characteristics are equivalent to the Glock 17, although the slide, frame, and certain fire-control parts of the Glock 18 are not interchangeable with other Glock models.

Thank you For @pandorassims4cc For Pose

Compact

Compact is a relative term. These Glocks are still somewhat large with barrel lengths of 4.02 inches and grips that fill your hand. The slightly shorter grip and barrel length allow them to be easier to conceal and more comfortable to carry while maintaining control over the gun. That being said, this is the most popular category of the Glock sizes.

GLOCK 19

The Glock 19 is effectively a reduced-size Glock 17, called the "Compact" by the manufacturer. It was first produced in 1988, primarily for military and law enforcement. The Glock 19's barrel and pistol grip are shorter by about 12 mm (0.5 in) than the Glock 17, and it uses a magazine with a standard capacity of 15 rounds. A 10 round version of this magazine is also made for markets that restrict the magazine capacity of handguns. And, a "+2" base plate can make the standard magazine into a longer 17 round magazine. The pistol is also compatible with any magazines designed for the Glock 17 and Glock 18, providing factory magazine capacities of 17, 19, 24 and 33. Changing out base plates adds capacities of 26 or 31 rounds.

Subcompact

Subcompact Glocks are designed to be concealed carry weapons and backup guns. These guns sport ultra-short frames, and barrel lengths vary between 3.43 inches and 3.78 inches depending on caliber. These guns are straightforward to carry and conceal in almost any way you want.

The Glock 26, a 9×19mm "subcompact" variant designed for concealed carry, was introduced in 1995, primarily for the civilian market. It has also been acquired by the US military and designated MK 26. Featuring a smaller frame compared to the Glock 19, the pistol grip supports only two fingers, and it has a shorter barrel and slide, along with a double-stack magazine with a standard capacity of 10 rounds. A factory magazine with a +2 extension gives it a capacity of 12 rounds. Additionally, the Glock 26 can use factory magazines from the Glock 17, Glock 18, and Glock 19. One can swap out base plates to give it capacities of 15, 17, 19, 24, 26, 31, and 33 rounds. More than simply a "shortened" Glock 19, the design of the subcompact Glock 26 required extensive rework of the frame, locking block, and spring assembly, which features a dual recoil spring.

Competition & Long Slide

By bigger than full-size, we are talking about guns mostly made for competition shooting. They have standard sized frames but longer slides and barrels. The longer slide and barrel gives a longer sight radius and a higher velocity, as well as less recoil and muzzle flip.

GLOCK 34

The Glock 34 is a competition version of the Glock 17. It is similar to its predecessor, the Glock 17L, but with a slightly shorter slide and barrel, to meet the maximum size requirements for many sanctioned action pistol sporting events. It was developed and produced in 1998, and compared to the Glock 17, features a 21 mm (0.8 in) longer barrel and slide. It has an extended magazine release, extended slide stop lever, 20 N trigger pull, and an adjustable rear sight. The sides at the front of the slide are slanted instead of squared. Further, the top of the slide and parts of its inside are milled out, creating a conspicuous hole at the top designed to reduce front-end muzzle weight to better balance the pistol and reduce the overall weight of the slide. The Glock 34 can accept any magazine the Glock 17 can accept.

[bizlybebo]

master post of master posts for Palestine

welcome to the blog there is actually no escape

vixen/soap/kian

(also not opposed 2 vix and any other nicknames of the sort)

he/it or any ^__^

#1 condifiction propogandist, THE dakota cole understander, toxic yuri enthusiast, assigned setup worse than ethoslab by tumblr, probably a boy but i don't really have time for that, trapped in the jrwi PD hyperfixation

my full legal god given name is vixen kian soap bizlybebo dc lesbianchipbastard. trust

all my mutuals are at the whims of various kitchen appliances. if you're reading this im putting you in the microwave

i’m pretty slow to respond sometimes, just cause i’m often low on spoons socially. pinky promise i’m not trying to be mean<3

AROMANTICISM BLAST 💥 YOUR FAVES ARE ALLOARO 💥🙏

TUMBLR USER CLAVIDY STOP SENDING ME YAOI ❌❌❌

in love with DIVORCED from my evil self @/evilbizlybebo since 5/19/2024 🖤 7/9/2024 💔

flag in the pfp is from tag @/tagiscool, colorpicked from drey ferin ^__^

don't really have a dni but terfs, cc!drm and cc!will gold fans, etc. will be blocked. arguing on the internet is pointless so please just block and scroll.

#vixen rambles- text posts of my prophetic visions

#vixen draws- my art :3 (i sometimes also post animatics on youtube)

#vixen writes- my writing/ao3 stuff :3

#vixen answers- talking to nice people ^__^

#vixens in class- being a full time student does NOT stop the dakota cole grind. usually just means i’ll take a second to respond :3

(other misc: #cshrposting, #dreyposting, #hamartia tag)

(spoilers tags i use: #pd spoilers, #jrwi pd spoilers, #jrwi spoilers, #jrwi riptide spoilers, #jrwi apotheosis spoilers, #jrwilb)

PLEASE dont be shy to reach out,, i love making friends on here <33 don't worry about the fact that i am actively putting you in the dishwasher

other things i like: ZOMBIE STUFF IN GENERAL, human anatomy/medicine, omori, twd video games, CAR SEAT HEADREST, music in general (ask me abt my favorite bands im so normal), casual hermitcraft enjoyer, scu/the council

(that thing im always posting about is hamartia, a tlou-inspired au of pd that takes place 20 years after an outbreak of chaos demons (mark in the place of joel, dakota in the place of ellie). no tlou knowledge needed to understand it, worldbuilding is heavily based off of pd and the plot itself strays pretty far ^_^. i am always happy 2 supply hamartia propoganda)

blinkies/photo collection beneath the cut, flash warning ? (“i love lesbianism” and “i love transgenderism” banners by @/scramratz)

^ video by ashton b codecicle swagaythor !!!!

[dreamaze]

.⟡. 2023 Year in Review .⟡.

cc year in review — every month in 2023 : link your favorite and/or most popular post from each month this year

tagged by: @shorelinnes, @xiaojuun, & @gnanii, thank you lovelies! ♡ tagging (no pressure, & the gifs were extra!): @ye-xiu, @eggheons, @nervousnotion, @honeyimissjoo (if you’ve already done this, feel free to drop the link! ♡)

Hello!! A brief(ish) recap before the actual list. It’s been a pretty wild year in wingsland, mostly thanks to finishing up my second master’s degree in December (finally, BYE!). Looking back, I’m surprised at how much content I actually created, but this has been a refuge and source of comfort for me while running on fumes between work and school and general adulting. 2023 also marked some changes in my listening and sources of inspiration. I fell more out of interest with txt (apologies to all followers who were here for them… this is the second time this has happened, oops?) but fell even more in love with Monsta X while discovering some other new or new-to-me artists (more on that in another post). Reason was my first official comeback with them, and it really lit a fire in my brain. I have a few ongoing series that I intend to continue, whether they’re gifs or audio compilations. I giffed a LOT of besties (minhyuk + hyungwon, the soulmates of soulmate besties). It brings me so so much joy to work on those sets and the various audio edits or just being excited about musical details in my music box tag. I also managed to squeeze in a few angsty mv sets along the way, because tbh I feel like I am thriving most as a creator when something is pulling at the heartstrings. I know mbbblr has been quiet lately (and must seem exceedingly so to those who were around years ago), but I will keep being noisy about them until mx6 is reunited and beyond. Thank you for sticking around with me ♡

(P.S. I am calling these my favorites and audience favorites because what even is popularity on tumblr, and also I am horribly indecisive and can rarely stick to one. Please enjoy the occasionally unserious post descriptions!)

January ⟡ My favorite(s out of an unusually prolific month): ‘Beautiful Liar’ lyrics + reflected shots, control imagery, & Minhyuk/Changkyun choreo; besties livestreams ft. minhyuk about to get his ass kicked by an indignant noodle & besties again not fighting ⟡ Audience favorite: Reason concept ver.3 (where did all those notes come from) followed by Hyungwon in Love Killa/Gambler/Beautiful Liar

February ⟡ My favorite: Besties Lone Ranger recording, Honey PD ’괜찮아’ Recording (ft. bonus honey threatening offering to kiss minhyuk on the lips), Hyungwon ‘Beautiful Liar’ mv + photoshoot behinds, & the following ⟡ Audience favorite: Unofficial art director Lee Minhyuk

March ⟡ The (only) favorite: Hyungwon FRED x Marie Claire (my favorite photoshoot coloring of the year)

April ⟡ My favorite: Minhyuk in Reason era & besties ft. not-very-tsundere hyungwon ⟡ Audience favorite: Hyungwon John Varvatos x GQ

May ⟡ My favorite: Besties All In mv + filming (for the 7th anniversary of All In) & the following ⟡ Audience favorite: Lights album preview

June ⟡ My favorite: Overdrive & “always you and me” besties ⟡ Audience favorite: Minhyuk x Singles

July ⟡ My favorite: Hyungwon x MV water imagery ⟡ Audience favorite: 1/2 of besties enlists (sobwail)

August ⟡ My favorite: Fighter performance video (…ft. besties), besties massage (fail), & the following ⟡ Audience favorite: Changkyun x Marie Claire

September ⟡ My favorite: Jaechan ‘Time’ ⟡ Audience favorite: Minhyuk vs the prop pear

October ⟡ My favorite: Besties with or without mx ⟡ Audience favorite: A pretty Joohoney

November ⟡ The (only) favorite: Minhyuk x Floun

December ⟡ My favorite: Giuk 'My Blue' & the consequences of putting besties next to each other in dance relays ⟡ Audience favorite: Hyungwon Givenchy Beauty x Singles

[jodilin65]

FRIDAY, JANUARY 31, 1992 I am on the phone now with Bob but he just hung up. He’s got a new job and is tired and must get up at 5:00 this morning. Lucky for him he’s so tired. I wish I could say the same for myself. The truth is, I got myself on a screwy schedule again as I knew I would.

I’ve got to call Carol back tomorrow. I called the DA’s office that’s been jerking me around since day one and they will not speak to me. Only Tracy can call them but she hasn’t called them, the PD or me. So I told them fine, defense wins in this case and I’m going to take matters into my own hands now and handle the rest of this case by myself. I will get those tapes back.

As usual, I only spoke to Kim for two seconds. She was only home an hour and God only knows if she’s home yet. For her to be out at 2:00 in the morning, though, would mean she’s on an ambulance all.

I started to pack a little more but I wish Tammy would hurry up and call with a definite date. That way I can get started with all the bullshit I’ve got to do both here and when I get there. Here, I must go to the bank, figure out a way to transfer my prescriptions, call SS and food stamps, put in a change of address at the post office. I’ve also got to get groceries and figure out what the hell to do about Sheila. She has to be able to see me Tuesday as that’s one day Kim’s free. I will call her tomorrow. When I move I’ll have to get a new doctor like Dr. Leitch, get that lactose test, see a dentist, call SS and food stamps and get a new bank.

Later…

I just had some cereal and looked through my photo album. I opened up my skylight and some other windows after I put the ceiling fan on and aired this dusty place out. I sure am gonna miss the ceiling fan, the skylight, the Jacuzzi, the dishwasher, garbage disposal, washer, dryer and all this space. And central AC, too.

As soon as I move, I will save up to buy a secondhand washer.

Later…

I am sitting here listening to my tapes of Andy calling the CC. He’s having a “major problem” with looking out his window and seeing cactuses and palm trees. He also says it is very warm out with lots of sunshine. Everyone else is telling him it’s dark out and very cold out. He also has a very very strange sister who has a crazy laugh and says all these things that make no sense at all.

I took an old bathing suit which is too big, cut the material and covered one of my not-too-attractive journals with it. Sort of like how you put a book cover on a book.

Later…

I’m doing much better at changing my schedule than I thought I would. I called Sheila and she’s moved my appointment from Mon. at 4:15 to Tues. at 10:15. I will fill out the transfer papers with her. Mon. at 6:30 I see Cassandra.

I called Sally and Jill. Jill answered and she now has her own room. She said she’ll be having lunch with Sally and will give her my new number. They never got my new number after they returned from vacation as Jill said the system was down. They both sound super nice and who knows? Maybe I can get a little fun before I move. Of course, the question is, will I get so lucky again as far as sexual attraction? And so soon, too?

I called Carol, who got a call from the DA’s office. I’m gonna call Chief B next Mon.

I spoke to George too, who said it was fine with him if I drain the waterbed out the bedroom window in the front. Kim was paranoid about that and insisted we do it out the back. I told Kim that water wouldn’t destroy the planet. It rains and snows, doesn’t it?

George emptied my barrel outside and it broke cuz it was frozen so he gave me a new one. He said I could take it with me and that they’d give me boxes.

I think I’ll go now and listen to some more tapes.

Mark’s awake. I just heard him flush the toilet. Mark played a funny prank on me the other day. I also played one on him in return. I will write all about that later. Current Location: Massachusetts

THURSDAY, JANUARY 30, 1992 Kim was over earlier and she got all my stuff out of the attic. Boy, is that thing dusty! She gave me 3 more boxes, too.

Dad called at 11:00 this evening, and I also had a nice chat with Tammy.

In the morning I must call the DA about my tapes. Tracy never returned my calls. Carol told me to call the DA. God, I hope and I pray all goes well with that! Please, God! Let me have all my tapes back. Please! Know what they mean to me. Know they will not be abused. I have learned my lesson once and for all. Please, if there’s a God and he can hear me, please let me have all my tapes as they were.

I don’t know just when I will go to bed, but I should soon. That way I won’t sleep too late.

TUESDAY, JANUARY 28, 1992 I’m only gonna write a little as I am very tired. I met with Cassandra today and that was nice.

The American Music Awards was on and to my surprise, Gloria wasn’t even there or nominated. Yesterday Jessie called to tell me Gloria was on channel 3 but I can’t get that. Gloria’s gonna be on the Disney channel for 3 different nights and I want to try to get Tammy to tape it for me. I doubt she’ll want to bother, though.

Around 8:00 this evening I got two pranks from that same guy who called the other number. It figures I’d get a call while I was taping channel 40 and watching channel 22. I told the guy to call me in a few hours. Meanwhile, he could entertain my machine. I was hoping he’d call back after 11:00, but he failed to after all. Bummer.

I’m 99% sure it’s an associate of Maliheh’s. There’s no way it could be Fran as this is the same person who mentioned the CC. Knowing I was there, I mean, and Fran never knew I was there. I doubt it’s tied in with the cops or anyone else who works downstairs cuz how would they know? Mark would admit to it for sure if he’d put a friend up to it. The only other possibility is someone who works at the CC, but that’s highly unlikely. It’s Maliheh.

Later…

Well, I got my schedule all fucking screwed up again. Whenever I do go to sleep, I’ll have to allow myself only two hours of sleep. I hope to hell I hear the alarm. I’ve got to go to the store for some cigarettes.

Earlier this evening Kim made us some popcorn. I watched TV and typed a letter to Nervous. I have a letter for Fran, too, along with my bills. I’m gonna also send Andy a letter and pretty much count on only me sending letters. He’ll only send one once a year. Maybe twice if I’m lucky and I hound him for it. He tried calling yesterday around noon. He left a quick message singing part of one of Gloria’s songs.

It would be nice if I could hurry up and get an exact moving date. That way I can begin with all the transferring. Such as my bank, SS, and I’ll have to make several other calls.

What the fuck is taking Tracy forever to return my call? I’m just gonna call the police station myself. I’ve got to get my stuff back.

SUNDAY, JANUARY 26, 1992 Kim got home the other day and she has a great tan. She gave me this really cute satin pillow which is small and has silk flowers on it. It also has silk ribbons all over it such as the ones that are in my journals that I made bookmarks out of. It’s got lace outlining on all sides and it can be hung on the wall. She also gave me a glass butterfly and an elephant. A tiny porcelain-like heart-shaped jewelry box. Or for whatever you want to use it for. Lastly, she gave me a 10”x10” or so heart that sticks on both sides. So I peeled them both off and stuck on an old blue glittery type material from a shirt Andy gave me before he left. When I move, I’ll put the yellow bow Kim made for me in the center of it and hang it.

The reason why I’m not gonna put anything together here anymore is cuz I’m finally moving. Tammy was able to get the girl at the NHA to move me to the top of the list. Also to get mom to keep her word about paying for the move. Tammy’s got some friends to help move me and she’s gonna rent a U-Haul.

George mailed Tammy a note which she gave to the girl in the office there about how the other people he rented my place out to are hounding him to move in here.

I called and spoke to a woman named Mary Jane. She told me a few things about the apartment. One thing is that it’s on the 1st floor and that makes me a little nervous. I haven’t seen the general layout inside and outside but I hope no one rips me off while I’m out. Also, if I want to leave my windows open at night while I’m asleep, will it be safe? Who knows, but I’ll mind my own business even though that sometimes doesn’t work. I will not associate with my neighbors even though the girl said there’s only one family near me. There are 4 apartments side by side and I’m on the end. The people next to me are a husband and wife with 4 kids. Even though I’ve basically had excellent neighbors, I’m out to avoid people like Bonnie and Brenda. Plus, I always start off with a problem or a fight with someone, then we’ve become friends. Yet I no longer care to stick it out and go through that again till the happy ending comes around. For example, I don’t want to be at a female neighbor’s house, get along with her very well and have her brother who’s a pervert bother me. I’ll only go off on a rampage and start a fight with the guy. I will not kiss ass or try to be friendly and resolve any problems or misunderstandings. I will not let any problems or misunderstandings start in the first place. That is if I can help it, of course. If a guy knocks on my windows, that’s a different ballgame. I will open the door and do my best to bash his head into dog meat. Overall, I do like the idea of having no one above or below me. Only on one side of me and there’s probably a firewall there. There was a firewall between me and Anna and Julia on Oswego St. but not between me and Mattie so who knows. The girl told me music is no problem. The people next door play it, too.

It has no apartment number or letter, I guess. It has hardwood floors, no dishwasher or disposal. Not even laundry facilities on the premises. She said there is a hook-up for a washer and a huge clothesline out back. They’re gonna be installing dryer hook-ups. Tammy said for now I can do my wash at her place and save up for a second-hand washer. I can do that in a couple of months as the rent’s only $138! Heat and hot water are included. The electricity, I’ll still have to pay. Tammy saw it and she said it is small and definitely not what I’m used to, but what do you expect for $138?

Tomorrow sometime, I’ll write more about the move and about Cassandra who I am gonna desperately miss even more than Kim. I’m going to miss her most of all and I have become very fond of her and I wish there were more people like her. The world could use that.

Later…

Well, I sure as hell hope I’m not up all night. I didn’t get up till 1:30. I have to back my schedule up quite a bit if I’m gonna go for that test on Wed.

Kim gave me some trash compactor bags I bought from her as well as gave her the money she left me. She had left me $30 till Tony was able to bring me to court and back. I gave Mark $20 while Kim was in Florida. Tonight I wrote out a check for the remaining $10, plus the 2 trash compactor bags. That was a total of $11. I owe nothing to no one now. Just $21 to the phone company, $58 to the electric, and $260.52 to Peter. I’m only paying him half of the rent as I’ll be gone in the middle of Feb.

I’ve got to get ahold of Tracy about my tapes. She’s so hard to reach and takes forever to return your calls.

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 22, 1992 Bob’s on the phone now and he’s watching his sign language tape. I just hung up with him so I could write. I know I have several things to write about but my mind sort of went blank.

Last Sunday, or last Saturday actually, I did quite a bit around here. First, I made a plant hanger from the ribbons Kim gave me. I put it up by the attic inside the alcove, on the side sticking out. It looks nice there and it’s out of Shadow’s reach. Plants really do something for apartments, houses or any place. I want to get into plant collecting as it really makes the place look nice.

I also took some round coasters and cut out pictures of Gloria to fit in them. They look nice.

Now for what really looks super cool. I went and got that huge glassed-in picture that I had put in the little hall between our doors. I busted it out of the frame, took the cardboard backing, the picture itself and made a huge picture collage. I have 36 pictures on one and almost 40 on the other. These are of the family. And friends too. There are Lisa, Becky, Sarah, Tammy, Bill, Mom, Dad, Andy, Kim, Mark and me.

Yesterday was a horror story. Due to the fact that I don’t have a lease, the landlord can ask you to move for no reason at all. I spoke with Peter, who says he’s giving me till March 1st, as these people are pressuring him about moving in. I told him it’s not my fault that last December I was 100% sure I was moving and that my mom backed out. I said I’d take him to court if I had to and the law doesn’t allow you to fuck with someone who’s on SS or SSI so easily. I went through this with Russ and even though I won him over, I wasn’t about to put up with it all over again. I’ve been through so much shit in the last year, both my fault and not my fault.

He spoke with Tammy and he’s gonna “work with her” so to speak and try to have a little compassion and understanding. I spoke with George today and he said, “You could stay forever and ever, it’s just that you did say you were moving.”

So, I explained to him what’s going on and he said to just hang in there as things do get better and he’s sympathetic to both sides. These people are living with their in-laws and are going crazy. I’m isolated with nothing and nobody and going crazy myself.

A part of me was telling myself, keep calm, it’ll work out, you’ve been through so much shit already, you can handle one more piece of shit, relax and don’t let them win. The other part said - I’ve had it and I don’t give a shit!

That was when I cut myself.

FRIDAY, JANUARY 17, 1992 Andy may be calling tonight. I forgot which nights he said were his nights off.

Fran must’ve forgotten my new number again as I have not heard from him. It usually takes 2 or 3 times for him to remember stuff like that.

Andy should’ve received his letter along with his bracelet by now. I’m working on several letters right now. I got a postcard in the mail from Kim today. She says she’s really enjoying herself and has a nice tan. That I can surely believe. She tans easily and is darker to begin with. She included some lines on the postcard. The mailman must’ve been quite confused. Kim will be back in 6 days. That’ll be nice as seldom as I see her anyway.

I’ve spoken briefly to Bob yesterday and I’m gonna give him a call soon.

”Shauna D” was enrolled in the Mystery Guild book club by Andy. Shauna’s getting two free books now for enrolling “Saundra C.”

I spoke to Ann Marie last night. We had a very pleasant talk. However, I don’t have a car and it’s just oh-so easier to be alone. We discussed her coming up for a visit which is nice but we’re gonna remain friends. She needs to find someone, ready, able, willing and not afraid or insecure. I feel I have nothing to offer her or anyone else other than friendship or sex. I was open and honest with her. I had to be. We discussed how my therapist says I push people away subconsciously but I can’t help it. I have to do what I have to do. I can’t be changed into relationship material. It is too late. The damage is done and the way I am is the way I am. There are some things that are so much a part of us and we cannot change. I can’t handle too much closeness. Also, I don’t have any real desire or will that one needs if they do want more than friendship and sex. What can I do? At least I was upfront about it. I had to say hey, this is who I am. I really admire her a lot. She’s so beautiful, too. Therefore, I hope she meets the right woman and settles down with her. She really really deserves it. A person like her shouldn’t have to be alone. She has so much to offer. A hell of a lot to offer.

THURSDAY, JANUARY 16, 1992 Boy, did I have a great day. They dismissed my case in Northampton and are going along with the Greenfield disposition. I will not have to go back to Northampton court again. All I have to do is see Sheila every now and then and continue with Cassandra. That’s no problem.

Tony and I went to a Chinese restaurant after.

Yesterday I got an unexpected surprise in the mail from my parents. A $10 bill along with some cigarette coupons.

I had a very positive talk yesterday with Tammy, too. We got a lot of stuff out in the open.

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 15, 1992 Andy called earlier this morning. At 8:30.

I’ve been up since 4 AM. I fell asleep last night at 8:00. I feel groggy, though, and I just can’t seem to shake it. Part of it is boredom.

I’ve got to go to court tomorrow and so that’s on my mind. I tell myself not to worry yet I have a bad feeling about my tapes and all the other shit like the wrong way the investigation was handled. I have no idea what the hell’s going on. But I do know this, when I go to Greenfield court to see Sheila, I am gonna file charges on both Maliheh and Jenny. It’s about time the treatment’s fair. I’m not letting anyone ever again get away with not paying for something they’ve done while I have to pay for what I’ve done. Fair is fair and that’s how I operate. I give what I get. That is within reason, of course. Now it’s time for Jenny and Maliheh to have to take a timeout here and there to be dragged through the mud. Face up to what they’ve done wrong just like I had to.

TUESDAY, JANUARY 14, 1992 Today’s been pretty good so far. I got up at 5:00 and at 5:45 Bob called. He said he had a car till 2:00 this afternoon. Some guy loaned him the car so Bob could pick his wife up at work at 9:00. Then, bring her to a doctor’s appointment and back to work. I took a shower, straightened my hair and put on some makeup. By 6:45 Bob was here. He brought two plants called Wandering Jews. He also brought over some pound cake, banana nut bread and sample packets of my favorite coffee.

We were both so thrilled to get the hell out so he took me to Food Fart. I needed very badly to go. Cassandra was going to take me last night but I was too tired and I really needed to talk. This all worked out for the better and I spent $101 in food stamps and $18 in cash. I still have almost $60 left for the month.

Besides cigarette money, I still got to get Gloria’s songbook, and Linda has a new album out. It’s in Spanish. The last one was Canciones de mi Padre. I believe this one is Canciones de mi Madre.

Yesterday I spoke to Tracy and my court date isn’t this Wednesday, it’s Thursday. I got in touch with Tony who says it’s no problem. Great.

When Cassandra was here last night, we discussed certain family issues that I’ve written about. She told me her 20s were the pits. Her teens were worse and things really didn’t get better till she reached her 30s. She’s 42 now. She’s very pretty for her age, too. She told me to call her at home and let her know about shopping and court.

It’s good that I got to go to Food Fart today cuz Cassandra wasn’t able to take me until Thursday and that only would’ve been if there was enough time.

Man, is it pouring out! It’s so dark, too. I opened the blinds in the bedroom and it was still too dark to write without the lamp on.

I just came out into the kitchen. If it weren’t for the skylights, most of this place would be quite dim.

This year I’m really anxious for summer to hurry up and arrive. I’ll be seeing Andy in July and if I’m in CT, I can tan at my sister’s with that huge kiddy pool. Also, I can wear my summer clothes.

Even though everyone says I’m nuts, I want to lose 10 pounds anyway. Or basically, pull in my muscles so they’re tauter rather than lumpy and bulky. That way I’ll have a nicer shape.

Well, I think I’ll go see if Mark’s up. Then I’ll call Bob.

SUNDAY, JANUARY 12, 1992 Well, my schedule’s definitely gotten better. I slept till almost 3 AM. I woke up at 10:30 with just a little wheezing so I got up, took my meds, went to the bathroom, then went back to bed.

During the night I spoke to Bob. Or actually, I didn’t speak to him till 7:30 cuz after I woke up I watched the shows that I had taped.

I changed Shadow’s box, vacuumed out the stairwell and took a walk down to Cumberland. I saw an article with Gloria saying that she was abused sexually at age 9. I wouldn’t be surprised if it were true, even though 95% of the stuff in Star magazine’s bullshit. Also, I wouldn’t be surprised if it were true cuz it’s so common.

I only had $2 and needed milk. I got a microwave hot dog and a candy bar too, but as soon as I can, I’ll get the magazine. I’ve got to spend my cash sparingly, but I’m well held over till I go food shopping. That’ll be tomorrow evening, but I don’t know the exact time.

I had one message when I got up. It was from Mom saying she’ll get in touch with me sometime this week, don’t call her back, and did I get my coupons?

Later…

I did some singing both with and without records.

When I went to call Bob, I dialed wrong and began singing as soon as I heard what I thought was Bob pick up. It was a guy around his age that said, “I like that singing. Do it again.”

Later…

I did more singing and I’m so happy to say that it was truly great. For a while there, I wasn’t exercising my voice regularly and it was either just good or ok. I didn’t really get into the exercises, but nonetheless, it was super good today. It started off a little raspy due to congestion but before long it opened up and cleared up.

About an hour ago I went to call Bob back but Sandra says he took a walk to the store. We spoke for a while and she told me a little about her background and her family. Since she’s got terminal cancer, she’s hoping she can hold out long enough to visit her two aunts in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. That’s so sad.

I wish Mark would be kind enough to call or come over and say hey, I know you’re alone and bored half the time, so how about some company? Or going out for coffee and donuts or something, but no. Do people care anymore? What does he spend all his time doing when he’s not at work? Is he even home now?

Later…

Tony just called. He will be able to drive me to court and back, too.

I think I’ll give Bob a call now. I’m sure he must be back home by now.

I want to try to stay up till 8:00. In order to stay up a while longer, maybe I’ll write some letters. Maybe I can also cook some of that shrimp Tammy gave me.

SATURDAY, JANUARY 11, 1992 As time goes on, I wish more and more I lived where it’s warm all the time. I’m sick of snow and I hate winter clothes. I like to run around in shorts and skimpy tops. I like the thought of being able to swim year-round and being near a pool or a beach. Something tropical and beautiful like where my parents live. I’d never want to live in their mobile home, though, as you can’t make any more noise than a whisper without the whole island hearing you.

Of course, I’d definitely have to have an AC constantly.

It sucks knowing I’ll never have the money to move or travel. Other than moving to CT, of course. Too bad I can’t get to Old Colony Beach by bus. That would be the perfect thing for me in the summer. I’d be out more and it could really occupy my time in a fun productive way. How often is Tammy gonna want to go? I’m sure she can bring me to her house so I can tan on her deck. That great big kiddy pool is nice to use so you can cool off. I get sun heated very very easily. I guess it’d be cooler there in the woods and with all those trees. I hope the trees don’t block out the sun’s rays. It would probably have to be at a certain angle at a certain time of day. Here in the parking lot, you have to wait till around 1:00 in the afternoon. Before then, the sun’s on the other side of the building.

Later…

I’ve finished Andy’s bracelet and written him a letter. I will go throw it in the mailbox later. Since I still have so many stamps, I may as well write Andy, Fran and Nervous more letters. Maybe Mom, Dad and Tammy, too.

In the center of town here, someone’s bound to have a copying machine. If so, I’d like to photocopy my drawings and send them to Andy. Maybe Peter has a copying machine.

I wonder if Bill at the CC will take me up on my taping offer. Editing offer, I should say. I spoke to him earlier in the week. He was in Canada on vacation but says he hasn’t forgotten.

Earlier, I spoke with Bob. I told him to call me anytime and that if I didn’t answer, he could entertain my machine. He left a message making these funny noises. Another message with Linda Ronstadt singing Tracks of my Tears.

As many problems as Bob has, he’s really a nice person. Late at night, we’ve had some good talks. He’s not only up all night, he’s up all day, too. He only sleeps an hour or so due to so much back pain. Last May he had major back surgery. That’s how he met Kim. She was his nurse. He met her 6 months after I did. I had originally thought they met around the same time Kim and I met.

Guess not.

Later…

I am trying my best to keep awake. I’ll manage, but it’ll be hard.

I’m writing at my kitchen table. At this time of day, the sun is directly in front of the window/door. Boy, is it ever bright here but the warmth of the sun feels nice. These windows are about 6 feet tall and almost 6 feet wide. At the same time, you feel like you’re outdoors as it is so bright and sunny, the warmth of the sun makes you feel as if it’s summer out.

The neat thing about the heating system here which is hot air blowing up from the floor is that it sounds like an AC. They are not noisy, though. All you hear is air softly blowing. It’s better than radiators hissing and clanking like an old-fashioned cash register. I hate radiators. There are only 5 floor vents here. They’re only 8 x 6 inches yet it’s amazing how well they heat a 1400-square-foot apartment.

I spoke with Bob about a half-hour ago. He wishes he had his car fixed. So do I. That way we could get the fuck out. Maybe go to Dunkin Donuts or someplace like that to talk in the wee hours of the night while the rest of the world’s asleep.

I wonder if Mark’s up yet or if he’s even home. Kim gave me 3 pictures Bob took of him in his uniform standing by his cruiser. I called him at 1:30 last night when I heard him come home to tell him I’d be up if he wanted company. Or to hear more edits and have coffee. He said another time would be better as he had a busy night. Two arrests and other shit went on, too. Wouldn’t Mark love to be a cop in Springfield?

I better go get Shadow and leash him down. I have a bad feeling he’s gonna wake me up. I’ll fucking kill him. I’ve got to get on a schedule. If I can somehow sleep past midnight, then till 5 AM on Monday morning, I’ll be all set to go grocery shopping with Cassandra Monday evening.

Later…

I am still up and oh so exhausted.

I forgot to mention that yesterday I got some mail from my parents. I had sent them 10 pictures. Three of them Bob took on my birthday after Kim took me to Ponderosa. Two were of me and Mark setting stuff up when I moved in. One was just of Mark. One of Kim and I. One of Mark and I. Two of me sitting on Kim’s piano bench with Shadow.

They sent them back as I asked them to along with some coupons for cigarettes, cat food, coffee, chocolate pudding, and pads. They also sent this little calendar in which you peel the back off so you can stick it wherever. That was nice of them as I had one stuck to my waterbed shelves last year. Shortly after I moved here, Kim gave me a calendar like that.

I hope Kim is enjoying herself in Florida.

If my parents were to invite me to their place, I’d have to be sure not to be dumb enough to go. Can’t let the thought of tanning and swimming block out my mother’s shit. I’m dying to go swimming and get a tan, but it isn’t worth dealing with her bullshit. Unless I avoided her all the time, that is, but it still isn’t worth it. A person passing up a vacation that’s all paid for is telling you something, huh? With someone like sweet Dureen O included in the package, forget it.

I’m just so drop-dead tired. I don’t think I’ll be able to hold out much longer. I feel like shit, too. I hope I sleep later.

Later…

I put Shadow on his leash down at the bottom by his litter box. From now on, I go by my very strong “feelings.” My feeling told me I’d be woken up by him clawing on the door if I didn’t leash him down.

Ann Marie hasn’t called and frankly, I don’t know if she should call me. She was beautiful, great in bed and was a super nice person, but there were a few things that bugged me. At first, she told me she too, liked the idea of the person not living close by. That way she can have space and not feel smothered. She also told me to be myself yet complains that I’m so sensitive. I told her I’m not used to being touched. When you’re deaf in one ear your other senses are sharper, I told her. There were also things she’d point out about me that she’d call weird, but she’d do the same thing herself. The last time we spoke she says she wishes the person was closer as she’s sick of driving.

Then, she went on and on about my not having a car, yet I told her this when I responded to her ad. Then she went on and on about her grandmother regretting never getting her license and having to depend on a bus or other people. As if she was trying to make me feel guilty and as if I have the money for a car and no fear of driving.

I thought she was gonna accept me the way I am. I told her not to try to change me and that my door’s always open for her to walk out and stay out. I’m not gonna go through it again. The contradictions, I mean. She’s pretty and I like her, but I don’t want to bother. I’ve learned very well that the deeper you get in, the deeper shit you get in. The sexual experience was what was important to me and what I wanted. That, and that only was very very worth it. I only hope there’s no price to pay for that moment of happiness. In 4 more days, we’ll see.

FRIDAY, JANUARY 10, 1992 I thought I’d do a little writing while I was waiting for my pork chops to cook. I’m really bored right now and I was hoping to hear from Andy who left a message while I was asleep. I tried to call him collect so he’d refuse it and call me back but his voice mail came on. He probably thinks I made it to New York after all.

Last night I woke up at 9:00 and I was bummed out as I was unable to beat that tonight. I got up at 7:00 and I’m still pretty tired. I doubt I’ll be able to go to sleep for a few hours. Once I’m up, I’m up. Tired or not.

I tried to call Bob, but Sandra says he’s all upset about Kim’s trip to Florida. She leaves tomorrow. She’s lucky cuz she’s not gonna have to deal with anyone like my mom to spoil her vacation. At least not that I know of.

Speaking of my mom and my whole family, well, I’m really disappointed. Just when I believed they were beginning to believe in me and understand me, I feel just the opposite. These people think they have me all figured out yet they don’t even know me.

Later…

I know now that I’ll never sleep and that there’s no use in trying.

I hate how my family is so sure I want something due to a certain reason when in fact it is for a whole different reason. And they just cannot, for the life of them take my word for some things I say. I wish they’d realize that if I have something to say to them, I have no reason to lie. Granted every now and then we all tell little white lies but for me to do so would require a damn good reason. Rather than lie to them, I just wouldn’t say anything at all. An example is if I paid $20 for a necklace and I didn’t want to tell them that, I’d not say a word, rather than lie and say it costs $10.

There’s a reason why I’ve run around giving them a taste of their own medicine lately. When my mom accidentally knocked over my guitar, I knew it was an accident. Despite how rude she was about my wanting to play in MY house. She was ignoring me anyway so I figured I’d just do my thing. Despite her antics and her dramatics, I accused her anyway of doing it out of spite. With anyone else, I could never do that and I’d feel guilty and she begged me not to tell anyone she did it deliberately cuz she didn’t. I asked her how it felt to be accused of something untrue and reminded her of the knife story. Or hammer. Or whatever the fuck they said it was I was supposed to have attacked them with in my teens. The truth of that night was that they were provoking me and saying some nasty, cruel, false, vicious and unnecessary shit about me. Therefore, when I told them to fuck off, they couldn’t handle it and didn’t want to hear it. That’s when dad came charging at me. He’s got to hit when he can’t get his way and gets frustrated and we disagree. He can’t communicate. He can’t speak rationally, honestly or listen to my true honest feelings. He can if he agrees with them and they meet his standards but I have a mind of my own. And no two minds are alike. So what was I supposed to do? I had to defend myself and I most certainly wasn’t just gonna stand there and let the bully swing at me. When they asked me why I wouldn’t lie to them, I told them I have nothing to fear from telling them the truth. What are they gonna do? Come and spank me? Ground me? Take away my stereo? Cut me down verbally? Send me away? Of course, in their opinion, name-calling like calling me a sicko is always a brilliant way of settling our differences.

Later…

I just got done listening to music and now I have another winner to write about. Here’s exactly what I mean about people putting false ideas into my mind. When my father and I discussed my having a kid, he insisted my only intent was so I could run around telling people I have a kid. Now, anyone who knows me well enough knows I know that’s a hell of a reason to have a kid. And just who would I tell? How would it impress them? He makes it sound as if I meet 20 new people a day. That is one of the reasons I no longer want to have a kid. Oh, I still want to, but not nearly as much as I used to. I don’t need to hear their opinions 20 times a day. I don’t need to be told how to do this and how to do that unless I ask. I don’t need to hear over and over how much I should be just like them. I don’t need the kid caught in the middle. Plus, there are other things to consider. I’m not rich or near rich. With all the drugs and war and crime in this world, I don’t know. A parent can only tell their kids so often what not to do. From there, it’s up to the kid to say yes or no to drugs and other stuff. My parents warned me about cigarettes. Even if they never smoked, I’d still have started anyway. Of course, I wouldn’t be puffing away on a cigarette in front of my kid, telling it not to ever smoke.

My parents tell us how hitting or any kind of violence isn’t a way to solve disagreements, but what do they do when they have a problem with their kids? Hit them.

Also, another reason not to have a kid is cuz I have no car. You can’t keep a kid cooped up in an apartment day after day. They always need doctor’s checkups and I would be, too.

Lastly, the idea of pregnancy and childbirth is too overwhelming. I’d be excited and maybe enjoy the experience but I’m so sensitive to pain and I’m small. I don’t think I could get through it. If my kid was born with a severe handicap, then I’d really feel helpless with no car and no money in spite of Medicaid.

In all situations, I do not kiss ass. I do what I want with this as an exception. This way I don’t have to go through any shit and everyone else is happy.

There are also many other things about the family that bothers me. Talking to them does no good as they get impatient or they’re in a hurry. They’re unable to really hear me out, give me a chance and keep an open mind. They’re just so set in what they want to believe. Certain people’s beliefs make sense and other ones just don’t cut it. Especially when it’s only the family. Other people see things differently and are less judgmental. And these other people are honest and would never lie to me. These people will give me constructive criticism on days when I’m not singing well. I will also come out and say when I feel it’s not my day vocally. They think every singer in the world’s got to have a great voice when I can name about 6 “famous” people off the top of my head that suck. Obviously, they have connections, money and other related talents that they’re good at. Or they slept their way. I never claimed to be a great singer but I know I sing well enough. When Tammy told me I sang well but do I really think I’m good enough to sing on tape, I told her to think back a few years ago. Knowing I had yet to develop my voice and that it’d take time. When I was 18, no way was I ready for that. She then said she wouldn’t buy the tape. She’s also never really sat down and listened to me and she’s never heard me on tape. So, before she’s given me a chance, she has her mind set that I’d make a sucky tape.

Why is it only the family’s been saying this since I was 21? The rest of the people, before I was 21, told me they felt I had potential, go for it and try to develop it. Why do I also have the feeling that even if I was a great singer, she’d still say I’d make a lousy tape? And then, of course, be positive the next day. Every singer has their good and bad days, but come on, make up your mind. They go back and forth. Me and 5 other people could each sing a song perfectly for my parents and Tammy, and while they told everyone else they were great, they’d still say I sucked.

It just seems as if everything I do is wrong even if it’s right. Nothing satisfies them. And if I decide something’s not for me like manicuring, I’m called a failure and punished for it for the rest of my life.

Other than my phone calls, nothing’s right. The way I dress is either too bummy or too dressed up. They define flashy as trashy. Do they think I’d wear clothes that don’t fully cover my privates? If my mother or sister were at a party and someone wore a sexy dress, they’d love it and probably compliment the woman. But I’d get called a whore if I wore the exact same dress. Why is it always me? It seems as if others can do whatever they want and everyone’s happy.

Later…

About an hour and a half ago, I spoke to Andy. We discussed a lot of the stuff I just wrote. I played him my latest edition of edits. He was cracking up over the girl with the CP.

According to Kim, Tony lost his job and is bored. I don’t know why he lost his job and it really doesn’t matter. What matters is that hopefully, he can bring me home from court as well as to court.

Speaking of court, am I simply paranoid or having a bad premonition? Remember how I always believed that certain things are ok for some people? Certain things aren’t ok even if they’re not wrong. Well, I always felt that after I have sex, male or female is irrelevant, that there was a price to pay. Sort of like taking the bad with the good even though the good was never really all that good. Never worth doing it again. Not even sex with the women I’ve been with. Including Kacey. But Ann Marie was a big deal sexually. I was attracted to her and really enjoyed sex with her. She was a far cry from all the others.

What if I do end up in jail on the 15th? Maybe if I never had sex, I wouldn’t have gone to jail and Northampton would’ve gone along with Greenfield’s disposition. But cuz I did have sex, maybe jail’s gonna be my payback. If I were to end up in jail and miraculously get out alive, I’d never be the same. I’ll probably get beat up so bad that I’d wish they’d killed me. As if they’ll care that I may get a death sentence for prank phone calls? If the judge says jail, he’s letting me walk into a death trap. Will they isolate me from the other prisoners? Will I be protected? Will they give me my meds?

THURSDAY, JANUARY 9, 1992 I’m on the phone now with Fran. He’s calling people he knows so they can hear the tape of Rick and Nervous.

I have to clean my place as well as go out for some groceries as soon as the stores open. I have to polish my nails and finish my letter-writing, Andy’s bracelet and do some editing. I also should try to finish the drawing of the kids on their swings so I can send it to Lisa for her birthday. She’s gonna be 9 on January 20th.

Once again I’m swapping my schedule around. I hope to stay up until early afternoon if possible. Around 8:00 this morning, I’m gonna take a walk to Sugar Loaf Market to pick up some cat food along with stuff for myself. I’ll call in my Theodur refill and Kim says she’ll pick it up. She’s going to Florida Fri. and won’t be back till the 23rd. If she doesn’t pick me up my refill, I’ll run out while she’s gone.

Tony’s gonna take me to court and I’m gonna take a taxi back. It’s gonna cost $25 but maybe I can get Tracy to take me home.

Later…

In about an hour, I’m gonna take off for the store.

Fran called earlier as I mentioned and I’ve had several talks with Bob. His car is still not fixed.

Jessie called me a few nights ago and I guess she has gone to New York. Her father was gonna be on the set for 4 more days, then go on vacation to his other place in Hawaii. Jessie hasn’t been to the set since she was pregnant and her father was paying for her and her sister to stay in a hotel. It’s right in Times Square and they also got shopping money and all their expenses were paid for. Their food and gas and stuff like that. Jessie had told me she’d call me in case Melissa decided not to go. I guess she went. Bummer. Jessie better call me when she gets back about coming up before school starts again.

Andy never called last night but we did speak the night before last. I played him some edits from about a week or so ago.

Right after I got my phone back, Fran called Nervous. Boy, did they go off on each other. It was great, though, as it’s been so long. I edited them chewing each other out as well as Andy and I. Also some girl Fran knows who talks so funny. She sounds like she’s drunk but she really has CP. Poor thing, but she’s funny as all hell anyway.

Later…

After I smoked a cigarette, I went down to Sugar Loaf Market. I got $20 worth of food. When I got back I fed Shadow and had a bite to eat. Also, I called in my refill and verified my new SSI and SS checks amount with Kathy at my bank. I get a total of $556.39 now between the two checks.

I’m so sick of this fucking waterbed. It’s a major pain in the ass. Lovemaking, or sex, I should say, would be a heck of a lot easier on a regular bed. You know, firmer ground for better balance for those who already have good balance and are flexible. Being sure-footed and flexible doesn’t really help much.

I threw in a small load of laundry and I also called Bob and played him the new 20-minute edition of edits.

As for Ann Marie, well, there really isn’t much more to say. She’s attractive, great in bed, and a nice person. She’s open, honest and understanding, but I told her up front that I don’t want a relationship. All she wants is sex, too. She did say that even though she’s never met an equal, but if she were to, she may stay with the person. Only if it were right, she said, otherwise she’d be bored quickly. That sounds logical. She says she’s had 4 relationships and a million one-nighters. The one-nighters, she explained, were due to the fact that it was one-sided. Either she was the one into it and they weren’t or vice versa. I told her I could relate to that. I told her never to expect to change me and that I was gonna be myself. If she didn’t like myself, I told her my door is always open for her to leave and find someone else to fool around with. I’m really proud of myself for not telling her anything personal. I learned sex really complicates the emotional part. That’s why your friends and family are the ones you talk to and get your love from. And you keep sex purely sexual with nothing emotional tied in. At least I do cuz the two don’t mix. If Ann Marie never were to come back then I’d have no hard feelings. If she were to come around every now and then, that’s cool, too. She called two nights ago and we had a good talk but there were a few things she said that bugged me.

MONDAY, JANUARY 6, 1992 As everyone who knows me well enough knows, there are two things I’ve been wanting bad. One is to be a singer. Two is to meet another gay woman who’s just as feminine as I am and that I’m attracted to. Also, to have it be mutual and get into bed with this woman. Well, one has happened! Yes, it has actually happened. Up till last Saturday night at 9:30, January 4th, I was still sure I was a fluke of nature. I swore up and down, left and right I was the only gay woman on earth who looked 100% like a woman. Totally ultra-feminine.

Her full name is Ann Marie P and she’s 27 years old. Her height is 5’ 3” and she weighs 120 pounds. She looks less, though, and is solid as a rock. I mean what a body! She’s got an absolutely gorgeous figure. And I thought I was solid and that Kacey and Brenda had nice shapes! Well, Kacey did, but not like Ann Marie. Kacey wasn’t as solid either and Brenda and Lisa were too thin. Diane was fat and even ugly compared to Brenda and Lisa. She has a nice shade of green eyes and long dark curly hair which is styled just like Gloria’s. Her face looks nothing like Gloria’s but her style does. Gloria’s only an inch shorter, too. She wore an awesome pair of black tights, trimmed with lace on the ends and waist, and had a tiny matching tank top. Over that, she wore a tie-dye T-shirt that was white and blue and turns pink with heat. She had a nice brown leather snakeskin-like coat. Beautiful rings, earrings, and a gold chain around her wrists and neck. It didn’t look tacky at all. It looked nice. She’s Italian and has dark skin and a nice smooth complexion. With her long brown curly hair which is about to the middle of her back and her black tights and a tank top, she looks like Gloria from behind. What I mean is, if someone took her picture from behind and said it was Gloria, one would find it easy to believe. She’s madly in love with Gloria, too.

One thing I will say, though, is damn she’s good in bed! She knows her stuff. Talk about creative and adventurous. She’s the best. Didn’t participate, though. Meaning, she didn’t have me do anything to her and she never got off. She wouldn’t go down on me either.

She was here from 9:30 PM on January 4th to 7 PM January 5th and I will write more another time.

FRIDAY, JANUARY 3, 1992 Tammy saw the efficiency and said it was too small. I figured as much. Now I have to wait longer for a 1-bedroom. That could be anywhere from 1-8 months. There are now 4 vacancies which means I’m number 8 on the list rather than number 12.

I’m tired and feeling confused right now about people and life. I’m angry and a little upset. I’m extremely frustrated, though. God, am I sick of being contradicted and knowing a certain thing is a fact with living proof to back it up. People are gonna be people. Ignorant, stubborn and set in their beliefs. Oh well. I’m not about to try to prove myself anymore. Or defend myself or anyone else against something I know I should. Some people, no matter how obvious the facts are right in front of their faces, are gonna believe what they want. Especially if the truth hurts them that bad. I’ll write more about this later. Right now I just want to go listen to music. I’m just sick of people saying one thing, then another. I’m so fucking sick of it!!!!!!!

THURSDAY, JANUARY 2, 1992 I had a long sad boring talk with Bob who’s freaked out about Kim going away to Florida. She’s going to the same area that Bob’s second wife was murdered. Supposedly Bob and Dorothy were only married for 3 days when Dorothy’s sister became ill. When she went to the sister’s house, her brother-in-law came onto her. The guy shot Dorothy, her sister and himself too, I think.

Andy called and said that things were excellent now. His financial status has improved. Now he won’t be evicted. He also is very happy at this new Denny’s he’s at. He said thank God as just a month ago he literally wanted to drop dead. He’s quite happy now. I wish I could say the same, but at least I’m feeling better than before and told him all about the phone.

He told me Donna was taking care of this old man in Paradise Valley where Stevie Nicks lives. A rich guy and I guess this particular area is all fenced in and you got to go through security to get in. Sort of like where my parents live. Donna told him to go take a walk and he came up to this house where he heard someone singing live. Also, a real drummer or a drum machine. He said at first he wasn’t too sure if it was her but this woman was definitely recording something. He pulled a garbage can of hers into some bushes and pulled out an envelope with her name and address. He said he’s gonna keep it and write her a huge letter with some videos of him doing her in drag. So, she then continued to sing louder and clearer and he knew for sure it was her and this was her house. He said it was nighttime so he couldn’t see much but the house wasn’t too spectacular. He said it was only 1 floor but very long in length. He could see a gold record on the wall and two housekeepers. He never saw her and she never came up to the front part of the house. One housekeeper was vacuuming and another came out of a room with a baby. He walked up to her door but had no intention of knocking on it. He said there were security signs all over and that he respected her privacy but he was outside her house for two hours. He said the kitchen and dining room area were all lit up. At one point he heard what he thought was a plate drop and he first thought - run! But then he told himself it was dark, no one could see him, just quietly walk away and he did.

That’s pretty darn cool. I’d love to see Gloria’s house. Then see it on the inside. Then meet her. Then have the grandest time in bed with her!

Oh well. It’s always fun to dream. Especially when dreaming’s all you can really do.

Later…

I got up too late today but when I did there were 4 messages.

Two from Andy singing. He had called at around 7:30 AM my time. I fell asleep at around 6:30 this morning.

The third message was from Tammy telling me the Norwich Housing Authority called. They have a studio available now, and as soon as a 1-bedroom is open across the street, I can move in. She called back at 5:30 as she said she would, saying she’s gonna take a look at it tomorrow as we’re not so sure I can fit in. I have a lot of stuff as well as furniture. She’ll let me know more about it soon, she said.

The fourth message was from Ann Marie, the girl claiming to be feminine from the Advocate. I did a third-party billing deal to let her know she’s got to call me due to my blocks.

We’ll see, but her voice sounds like she may be just a wee bit too serious for me. I also hope she’s as feminine as she claims to be and isn’t career-oriented. People on disability or stupid little jobs never mix. She lives in Enfield, but depending on how much she wants sex, we’ll see if she calls back to come here. Hopefully, she at least has a car.

I hope I don’t get put on the spot and she asks me what I’m looking for. Then, if I say I’m looking for sex, she may tell me she’s looking for more than that and want to forget it altogether. I’ll try to get it out of her first but I know that no matter what she looks like, I’ll feel no real attraction. No real thing. No spark. She’ll either be repulsively ugly or another Brenda. God, I hope not another Brenda! All I need is to go through that again and meet another girl like Brenda. At least she won’t live right next door. I like the idea of the person not living in town.

Kim and I had some good talks yesterday and today. Later tonight she’s gonna come over to hear the heated conversation between Fran and Nervous.

I just tried to call Bob to play with his head, but his line was busy. He’s probably playing with Kim’s head. This guy’s as fucked up as you can get. Kim told me that I’m totally sane compared to him. That, I can confidently agree with.

I tried calling Sheila to reschedule our January 8th appointment, however, she was in juvenile court. I’ll call her tomorrow. I still haven’t heard from Tracy, but I think Tony’s gonna drive me to court. I’ll taxi my way home.

Food shopping can be worked out by either Tony or Mark. Mark’s not going to Florida with Kim.

I called Cassandra two nights ago and she was happy and relieved to hear from me. Saturday at 2:00 is when we’ll meet.

Andy’s gonna be calling me late tonight. That’s great, but I’ve got to watch my schedule.

Since I may very well be paroled out of this cage soon, I’ve got to start to round up as many boxes as I can.

Tammy told me she gave Mom and Dad my new number, but I have yet to hear from them. I hope she kept her mouth shut about the phone bill. I told them to keep it between us and to tell the whole world other than Mom and Dad. Mom’s hard enough to talk to over the phone and they cannot deal with shit like that. Therefore, so as not to make it any more difficult than it already is most of the time we talk, I told her not to mention it. She only half-bullshitted me about Andy’s phone. Andy said it almost got disconnected.

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 1, 1992 Age 26

The first 10 minutes of 1992 flashed some unpleasant thoughts through my mind.

What have I accomplished?

Nothing.

Where is my life going?

Nowhere.

Why do I feel as if I’ve accomplished so much but am getting nowhere in life? Silly question, huh? I still don’t know that I want to live a life of nothing or second best. Should anyone try to pretend and make themselves settle into a life they’re not happy with? If you knew for sure all the things you really want and that matter to you will never come true? If you knew you’d live your life either miserable or in between. Never really happy. Never any kind of life, fun, adventure or excitement. Just a nothing nobody on disability who knew what she wanted but couldn’t have it. Just a girl who’d like a little lust here and there and nothing more as she has self-respect, enjoys her space, can’t tolerate head games, lies and geeks. But all I get are offers from people I’m not attracted to. God just can’t allow me a person who I’m turned on by for one lousy night. A decent person and say, “ok, I’ll send her someone fairly decent that she wouldn’t be good enough for on a regular basis. All she wants is sex and that way that “decent” person won’t have to put up with her and she can have her space without this decent person trying to change her and condemn her.” Yeah, right. But I should be allowed at least some lust rather than be sent all the uglies or so-so people that are keeping me celibate. I need some fun, too.

Boy, am I mad at myself upon reviewing all the dumb things I did during 1991. The phone calls, the phone bills, losing my tapes, moving here and reality slapping me in the face.

Fucking Kim couldn’t have offered to do something with me seeing that Mark’s at work.

I have lost so much both material and non-material-wise.

My New Year’s resolution is a deal with God or whatever the fuck’s up there. I still can’t bring myself to settle happily and willingly. This was gonna be my “settlement” year. Doing all the stuff I don’t want to do and letting go of my dreams and having good sex. Instead, God will either grant me my wishes by sending me an attractive person as well as help me get my foot in the door (appropriately) with my music. Then I’ll work my ass off from there. If none of the above starts happening for me this year, I exit this boring life. As if God’s gonna answer my prayers for once and for all?

I am so pissed off at Kim and my parents never called. Has Tammy given them my new number yet?

Fran called at around 11:20. Some girl showed up at his place and he said he’d call me later or during the week.

I know I’m cursed. I know for sure. Forget about why though as I’ll probably never know why. What do I do to get rid of it? Goddamn, do I hate this life! Being sure in my mind of the things I want and knowing I’ll never achieve things. I’d never know where the fuck to begin. What an ass for believing I’d get connections somehow just cuz I could sing. This idiot thought that two years from now (1994) she’d have her foot in the door. Man, do I feel like a complete jackass!

Can’t I have just a little more than a nice place to live and some decent clothes? Material things are great. It doesn’t replace being a singer and sex, though. I’m only human and I can’t help the way I feel. I have a right to my feelings and if God’s determined to make me settle, he’d better miraculously change those feelings of mine or else I’m gone before 1993. I mean it too, as I have hung on long enough to see that nothing will ever change

Later…

I am listening to the tape that was made earlier with Fran and Nervous. It’s pretty funny.

Fran at the CC and I spoke for a little while.

Again Fran insisted that Nervous lives in a “complex.” Since he has no phone, Fran couldn’t insist the phone company was in his building ready to snatch his phone. Rather than that story, he insisted that Carabetta was buying out his building. I love Nervous’s line to Fran at one part of the tape. He says, “There’s gonna be a dead P.” Also, I was reminding Nervous about his wonderful cooking. He was cooking bacon for me when I lived on Oswego St. When he got through with it, it looked like cigarette ashes.

Later…

Not much has been happening. Still the same old boring shit. Andy hasn’t called, but I called Jessie. She’s been trying to call me but didn’t know the machine wasn’t here for a while. She then tried after that but got the recording saying the phone’s disconnected. She was eating dinner and says she’ll call me back. Kim, naturally, isn’t home. I haven’t heard from Mom and Dad either so maybe Fran will call later.

I think I hear Kim home now. It cracked me up how she feels so guilty, she tells me, and how she should’ve known better as far as her busy schedule’s concerned. Not only am I angry with her and feeling very let down and led on, but I’m also angry with myself. As much as I love this place and wanted badly to get out of Crack Alley, I should’ve known better. Never fall for anything someone tells you, you’ll only end up trapped.

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[lanshengic]

Infineon launches EPR electronically marked cable assembly controller to provide overvoltage protection up to 54V for USB-C passive cables

【Lansheng Technology News】The USB-C PD controller in Infineon’s EZ-PD product series is the industry’s most comprehensive USB-C power supply solution. EZ-PD CMG2 is an EMCA dedicated controller designed for passive non-Thunderbolt cables and Thunderbolt Type-C cables, supporting USB-PD 3.1 and Type-C 2.1 standards.

The EZ-PD CMG2-based USB-C EMCA cable supports the data transfer rates of USB4 and TBT4 interfaces and charging power up to 240 W (48 V/5 A). EZ-PD CMG2 integrates functions such as VBUS to CC short circuit protection (short circuit overvoltage protection up to 54 V) and VBUS to VCONN short circuit protection (short circuit overvoltage protection up to 54 V). In addition, the controller has attenuated RA to reduce power consumption and integrates oscillator and IEC ESD (electrostatic discharge) protection, so it can operate without external clock and external ESD.

The new controller from Infineon offers configurable 47 bytes of memory space for storing vendor- and cable-specific configuration data and is capable of operating over a VCONN supply voltage range of 2.7 V to 5.5 V. Among them, the CC, VCONN1 and VCONN2 pins support high-voltage protection up to 54 V, which can prevent accidental short circuit of the high-voltage VBUS pin on the Type-C connector, thus improving the safety of use.

In addition, the controller's rated operating temperature range is the standard industrial temperature range of -40°C to +85°C, and the CC, VCONN1 and VCONN2 pins have system-level ESD protection designs to ensure that the device works in severe environments. reliability and durability.

The EZ-PD CMG2 controller is seamlessly compatible with a variety of USB-C devices and cables. It offers a single-chip solution measuring just 3.3 mm², simplifying design and reducing development time. Its outstanding system reliability and compatibility enable manufacturers to introduce cost-effective products with simple designs and smaller footprints.

Lansheng Technology Limited, which is a spot stock distributor of many well-known brands, we have price advantage of the first-hand spot channel, and have technical supports.

Our main brands: STMicroelectronics, Toshiba, Microchip, Vishay, Marvell, ON Semiconductor, AOS, DIODES, Murata, Samsung, Hyundai/Hynix, Xilinx, Micron, Infinone, Texas Instruments, ADI, Maxim Integrated, NXP, etc

To learn more about our products, services, and capabilities, please visit our website at http://www.lanshengic.com

[ao3feed-chicagofire]

they call it meet-cute (maybe it should just be a meeting)

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/0CNwrRx

by MadHare0512

"They call it a meet-cute," she whispers, lips curling around the words as they pull into a smile. A soft chuckle slips from her mouth easily, as if it hadn't been a conscious decision made. "Well," she continues. "Maybe, it should just be a meeting."

~~~

OR: you know the stories of the source content, but the CC is a little different (additional warnings in the summaries of each chapter)

Words: 1442, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English

Series: Part 38 of How Two LAPD Officers And One Firefighter Accidently Become The Most Powerful People on Earth

Fandoms: The Chaos Crew - Fandom, S.W.A.T. (TV 2017), NCIS, NCIS: New Orleans, One Chicago, Chicago Fire, Chicago PD (TV), Chicago Med, Grimm (TV), The Umbrella Academy (TV), The Originals (TV), NCIS: Los Angeles

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: F/M, M/M, Multi

Characters: Jim Street, Christina "Chris" Alonso, Donovan Rocker, Victor Tan, Erika Rogers, Bonnie Lonsdale, Eric Beale, G Callen, Matthew Casey, Kelly Severide, Greg "Mouse" Gerwitz, Jay Halstead, Will Halstead, Connor Rhodes (Chicago Med), Kevin Atwater, Kim Burgess, Adam Ruzek, Nick Burkhardt, Rosalee Calvert, Monroe (Grimm), Anthony DiNozzo, Jimmy Palmer, Nick Torres, Diego Hargreeves, Eudora Patch, Klaus Hargreeves, Elijah Mikaelson, Christopher LaSalle, Sebastian Lund, Dwayne "King" Pride, Other Characters Mentioned

Relationships: Christina "Chris" Alonso/Bonnie Lonsdale/Donovan Rocker/Erika Rogers/Jim Street/Victor Tan, Eric Beale/G Callen, Matthew Casey/Kelly Severide, Greg "Mouse" Gerwitz/Jay Halstead, Will Halstead/Connor Rhodes, Kevin Atwater/Kim Burgess/Adam Ruzek, Nick Burkhardt/Rosalee Calvert/Monroe, Anthony DiNozzo/Jimmy Palmer/Nick Torres, Diego Hargreeves/Eudora Patch, Klaus Hargreeves/Elijah Mikaelson, Christopher LaSalle/Sebastian Lund/Dwayne "King" Pride

Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, chaos crew - Freeform, Getting Together, Meet-Cute, Established Relationship, Pre-Relationship, Developing Relationship, Cuddling & Snuggling, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Communication, Song Lyrics, song-fic, Inspired by Music, The Author Regrets Nothing, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Soulmates, Romantic Soulmates, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Polyamory, Polyamorous Character

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/0CNwrRx

[scifigeneration]

A disc of dust and gas found around a newborn planet could be the birthplace of moons

by Valentin Christiaens and Daniel Price

The bright spot in the centre of the image is a new planet forming. Valentin Christiaens et al./ ESO, Author provided

When Italian astronomer Galileo Galilei first spotted four moons of Jupiter through a telescope, he realised that not everything goes around the Earth, as was the prevailing theory in 1610.

The presumed origin of the Galilean moons was in a swirling circumplanetary disc of gas and dust around the newborn Jupiter.

Jupiter and the four Galilean moons, a composite of several images as seen through a telescope. Flickr/Thomas Bresson, CC BY

But direct evidence of circumplanetary discs made of gas and dust eluded astronomers, despite an intensive search. Until now.

We detected the first evidence for one of these discs in the form of an infrared glow around a baby planet called PDS 70 b, the details published in two papers this week.

It was not easy to find

The discovery required one of the largest telescopes on Earth (the creatively named Very Large Telescope in Chile), a sophisticated spectrograph (SINFONI) to acquire images at different wavelengths in the infrared, and new image-processing algorithms developed specifically for the dataset we gathered.

The newborn planet orbits a star called PDS 70, which is young and relatively close to us (a trifling 369 light years away) in what is known as the Upper Centaurus-Lupus star-forming region of the Milky Way.

The star is just a baby itself, less than 10 million years old. In stellar terms PDS 70 is barely out of nappies (our Sun is 4.6 billion years old).

Apart from its youth and proximity, the main reason we chose to study PDS 70 is that previous observations showed a large hole or gap in the disc of gas and dust surrounding the star.

This hole, covering an area almost the size of our Solar System, hints at the presence of planets orbiting the star, which are responsible for carving away the disc material.

Infrared image of the newborn planet PDS 70 b (the bright spot, bottom left) and its circumplanetary disc. The actual star is in the centre of the image (marked by *) but its glare blocked out by the processing. The second brightest spot (above right) is thought to be another planet forming and is being studied by other researchers. Valentin Christiaens et al./ESO, Author provided

The new images we gathered show that the gap is not entirely empty.

They reveal arcs and spirals of dusty material, and a bright blob, which had first been detected and interpreted as a baby planet in two studies published last year.

And it’s a whopper planet - about 10 times heavier than Jupiter.

In the infrared

What is new in our analysis is that we probed infrared light from the planet at longer wavelength than previous studies. We were able to show for the first time that the planet’s infrared colours cannot be explained by its atmosphere alone.

Instead, the measured infrared excess suggests the presence of a circumplanetary disc, just like the one imagined as the birthplace of Jupiter’s four Galilean moons – Io, Europa, Ganymede and Callisto.

Decades ago, the same argument was used as evidence for the presence of protoplanetary discs, the dusty discs of gas around baby stars that are the birthplaces of planets themselves.

An illustration of a protoplanetary disk: the rings around young star suggest planet formation in progress. Shutterstock/Jurik Peter

Now we can use the same techniques but on a smaller scale to see the birthplace of moons.

The tricky part is that spotting planets with a telescope is like staring into car headlights and trying to spot a firefly. We first had to model and subtract the bright glare of the star, to spot the feeble glow of the planet.

In our processed image (above) we carefully deleted the starlight (we show the location with an asterisk), revealing both the planet and faint structures in the disc surrounding the star.

Possible moons

The discovery of the four largest moons of Jupiter four centuries ago gave astronomers a first hint that giant planets must form surrounded by a circumplanetary disc.

Plenty of work has been done since to try to understand their properties, but we finally have direct confirmation that they exist. It’s the culmination of a long search.

It’s also exciting. Our work shows that theoretical models of giant planet formation were not too far off. There is now the possibility that moons could be forming right now in the circumplanetary disc around PDS 70 b.

It’s hoped the new algorithm we developed can now be used to attempt to extract faint signals from other complex datasets of planets forming in other star systems.

It blows the mind to think we might see other planets and even moons in the process of formation, using the biggest telescope in the world. It’s just another reminder of how small and insignificant we really are.

About The Authors:

Valentin Christiaens is a Research Fellow in Astrophysics at Monash University and Daniel Price is an Associate Professor in Astrophysics and ARC Future Fellow, also at Monash University

This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. 

[kommabortsig]

School_Classroom_Empty_DVIDS271711.jpg

[eretzyisrael]

By AMANDA BORSCHEL-DAN

24 May 2018, 8:24 pm  

Three extremely rare Jewish-minted coins dating from the 4th century BCE were recently discovered by the Temple Mount Sifting Project, doubling the number unearthed in ancient Jerusalem to date. These coins are among the earliest testaments to Jewish minting in the Land of Israel.

But they’re easy to miss: The coins are only 7 millimeters in diameter and of an almost negligible weight. Made of silver, their design is based on the Athenian Obol and utilize its barn owl motif, representing the goddess Athena. However, instead of the Greek letters ΑΘΕ for Athens, they bear an inscription in ancient Hebrew — “yhd” or Judah.

The Sifting Project has uncovered over 6,000 ancient coins during its systematic meticulous study of thousands of tons of Temple Mount earth haphazardly discarded during unauthorized renovations of a subterranean mosque in the late 1990s.

Only three were clearly identified as these silver Yehud coins minted in Jerusalem by Jews during the Persian era, as well as two others which are suspected to be of the same class.

All told, in Israel to date there are 193 archaeologically provenanced coins which were minted locally throughout the Holy Land during the Persian era. Among them are only 51 Yehud coins.

This Jewish-minted coin from Yehud, a province of semiautonomous Jewish rule under the Persian Empire, were discovered by the Temple Mount Sifting Project. (courtesy Temple Mount Sifting Project)

The Yehud coins were minted during a rare period in which Jews semiautonomously ruled under the Persian Achaemenid Empire, from circa 539-332 BCE, in a province called Yehud Medinata. With a capital in Jerusalem, Yehud Medinata existed for some 200 years until the conquest of Alexander the Great.

This period is recorded in several books of the Hebrew Bible. The Book of Nehemiah describes the trials and tribulations of Nehemiah, once an important cup-bearer to king Artaxerxes I of Persia, who requested to be governor of Yehud/Judah to rebuild the walls of Jerusalem following the Babylonian conquest.

Additionally, the books of Ezra and Nehemiah and the second book of Chronicles testify to the building of the Second Temple upon a decree from Cyrus the Great, who ruled from 559 BCE. In the Book of Ezra, it is recorded that Darius the Great completed the construction, circa 516 BCE.

These Yehud coins are a material manifestation of the era, and stem from the end of the brief Jewish rule under the Persian Empire. According to the now deceased preeminent Israeli numismatist Yaakov Meshorer, the Yehud coins would have been minted circa 350 BCE.

But clearly based on foreign coinage, they weren’t so “Jewish” in character.

15th century painting by Jean Fouquet of Persian King Cyrus II the Great releasing the Jews from the Babylonian Exile. (photo credit: CC-PD-Mark, by Yann, Wikimedia Commons)

“The only Jewish symbol on these coins is the lily, characteristic of Jewish art in Jerusalem and a frequent design used in the Temple,” writes Meshorer in a 1978 Biblical Archaeology Review article, “The Holy Land in Coins.”

Likewise, the principle large-denomination coinage used in the region at the time was still minted outside the Holy Land. “Coins of smaller value came from local mints, principally Gaza and Jerusalem. These smaller local coins varied from 1 drachma (4 grams of silver) down to the smallest denomination, the hemiobol (1/3 gram of silver),” writes Meshorer.

Yehud, a ‘new’ class of coin

In the late 1990s, the Northern Branch of the Islamic Movement and the Waqf, the Jordanian administrators of the Muslim holy sites in Jerusalem, removed 9,000 tons of antiquities-rich earth from the Temple Mount and dumped it in the nearby Kidron Valley. It was discarded during unauthorized renovations of the Temple Mount’s subterranean “Solomon’s Stables,” to enlarge its contemporary use as an underground mosque, according to the Sifting Project.

Salvaging the artifacts discarded during the 1999 unsupervised renovation of the Temple Mount’s Solomon Stables was the genesis of the Temple Mount Sifting Project. (Temple Mount Sifting Project)

In 2004, archaeologists Dr. Gabriel Barkay and Zachi Dvira (Zweig) founded the Sifting Project in an effort to salvage what precious artifacts could be found in the rubble. The pair developed a system of “wet sifting” buckets of earth over mesh screens, and sorting the materials into categories such as glass, mosaic, metal, bone, clay, and stone.

Some 70 percent of the recovered dirt has been wet-sifted to date, primarily at the project’s previous headquarters in Emek HaTsurim, abutting the Mount of Olives.

Today, the project, conducted under the academic auspices of Bar Ilan University’s Institute of Archaeology, is now concentrating on research and the publication of its half a million finds — and growing. A pilot project, taking the wet sifting method on the road, was recently launched in which truckloads of dirt are taken to different localities and scrutinized by school pupils and community members.

Temple Mount soil being sifted in the city of Petach Tikva by Yeshurun High school students. (Inbal Dasberg/Temple Mount Sifting Project)

According to a Sifting Project press release publicizing the coin finds, “The relatively high number of such coins found by the Sifting Project is a result of the wet-sifting methodology perfected by the project, and the fact that the Temple Mount functioned as an administrative and commercial center during the early days of the Second Temple in addition to being the site of the Temple itself.”

But it was not immediately clear to numismatic researchers that the Yehud coin class originated in Jerusalem.

During the Persian era in the Land of Israel, in addition to the Jerusalem “Yehud” coin mint, there were four other local mints which generated coins, including the Philistian, Edomite, Samarian, and Dor classes.

Interestingly, the Yehud class of coin was first identified only in 1934 by pioneering Israeli archaeologist Eleazar Sukenik. In an article, he included in this new class a drachm, which was known already from the 18th century, as well as a Palestinian collector’s obol, and a hemiobol, which had been excavated in 1931 at Beth Zur, a site of biblical import located south of Jerusalem close to Hebron.

This Jewish-minted coin from Yehud, a province of semiautonomous Jewish rule under the Persian Empire, were discovered by the Temple Mount Sifting Project. (courtesy Temple Mount Sifting Project)

Unlike other locally minted Persian-era coins, which had clear markings to indicate where they were struck, at the time it was still unclear where these Yehud coins were minted. Only 38 years after Sukenik’s article another Yehud coin was uncovered, this time at an excavation in Jerusalem’s French Hill neighborhood, 2 km north of ancient Jerusalem.

Unfortunately, unearthing these coins in situ became increasingly difficult. Following 1967’s Six Day War, “clandestine antiquities theft had produced a growing number of coins [on the market] from within this series,” according to a 2016 article on the subject by Israel Antiquity Authority coin department head Donald Ariel called, “The Circulation of Locally Minted Persian-Period Coins in the Southern Levant.”

Many coins from this period made there way to the market via looting and antiquities dealers. However, while archaeological provenance of these coins was insecure, the coin dealers “spoke of findspots south of Jerusalem,” he writes.

Volunteers at the Temple Mount Sifting Project attempt to discover historical artifacts. (Temple Mount Sifting Project)

Through archaeological data analysis it was determined that Yehud coins were concentrated in Judea, writes Ariel, although they were also discovered outside the province, including at Mount Gerizim in Samaria.

Only in 1977 was it resolved that Jerusalem was indeed the location of the Yehud class mint. Writes Ariel, “Owing to the paucity of such coins in excavations within the capital, and the fact that the inscriptions on the coins did not read yršlm (Jerusalem) but rather yhd, yhwd or (later) yhdh(Judah), the location of the mint was not immediately clear. In fact, it took some time before a consensus was reached that the mint was Jerusalem, the capital of Judah.”

Zachi Dvira (Courtesy)

The Sifting Project is optimistic it will uncover even more Jerusalem-based Yehud coins in the remaining 30% of earth it has yet to investigate.

In a YNet article, co-director Dvira said, “Throughout the 150 years of archeological digs all across the sites of ancient Jerusalem, only five of these coins were ever found. We have now found three whole coins, along with two eroded ones, apparently from the same series, and assume we’ll find more in the future.”

[rhianna]

Strength/La Force 

Hercules and the Nemean Lion 

File:    1JJ Tarot - Trump 11 - French - La Force.jpg 

From Wikimedia Commons, the free media repository 

Description   English: Trump XI (Strength) from the 1JJ tarot deck.

Date  between 1831 and 1838

Sourcehttp://ezomania.ru/viewer/792/k/b12.jpg

Author   Johann Georg Rauch  (1789–1851) 

This work has been identified as being free of known restrictions under copyright law, including all related and neighboring rights. 

Tarot 1JJ

Strength (Major Arcana)

Heracles and the Nemean Lion on tarot cards

People with lions in art

Yellow animals in art

Clubs in art

Hidden categories:

CC-PD-Mark

PD-old-70-expired

Source:  https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:1JJ_Tarot_-_Trump_11_-_French_-_La_Force.jpg

[proffuteamber]

Copyright, Licensing and IPR talk by Ed Bremner

Copyright

Range of legal ‘rights’

-copyright

-moral rights

-perfomring rights

-publication rights

-design rights

Intellectual property rights

-all ‘property’ has rights, which implies a ‘value’

-as ‘property’ they can be sold, bequeathed or given 

-owning ‘work’ doesn’t mean you own the rights for that work

First IPR law from 1842 with origins in 1710-Statue of Anne

Most relevant law today is copyright design and patents act 1998

Berne convention - 1886-1971

Digital economy act 2010/13

IPR law not normally retrospective - have to look at the law from the time the work was made.

Law was made to encourage the creation of original creative work- to make a living from their art. Gives us creative control over how our work is used.

Work automatically copyrighted if it is original work, in material form. Needs to be created by a British citizen or made in Britain.

Other countries have different copyright laws.

The act of creating work means you have the copyright.

Copyright doesn’t cover

-work created by a part or your employment 

-ideas, thoughts, plans

-facts

-anything already copyrighted

Music industry- music can be copyrighted but people can use parts of the music (riffs etc) and make something original with it. Although still have to give credit/royalties to the original artist.

No need to declare copyright, but can look at copyright service to use also (c) sign.

Copyright controls how, when and where the images are used.

Artistic, literary and films are copyrighted for 70 years beyond the death of the creator.

Disney pushed for change in copyright laws as they were losing the rights to Micky Mouse. Changed from 50 years to 70 years. Although they changed it to a trademark.

Copyright holder can sell, rent or lease copyright for financial gain.

-Stops others from using it 

-Demand recompense for lost earnings

-Demand return or destruction of illegal copies (has to be enforced by the court)

Licensing

Usage agreement- what we want for someone using the work.

3 basic things a licensing agreement

-what is it going to be

-where is it used

-how long is it going to be used for

Have to say if you want a credit for your work. Can you promise that someone uses it exclusively, not giving it to other people. 

Has to be stated at time of agreement if you want credit for your work.

Transaction license

If you upload photos to a website, technically the websites property.

Non-transactional license- Creative Commons, no transaction just outline how you want to use it.

Marks on the image tell you how you can use an image

-cc BY- can use it but they want credit

-NC- non commercial 

-ND- can't change the image in any way 

-SA- share alike- people can't change the license

-cc PD- public domain- all rights, can do what you want with the image

How do you prove its yours? 

-used to stamp or sign the back of the image you made

-watermark digital images

-invisible watermarks

-IPTC- copyright info- put image in system- can get templates for photoshop where it has all fields in it for you to fill in

Pricing

-depends on market and what people are willing pay etc

-londonfreelance.org- good price guide to look at

-if doing a job, offer more timer rather than less money 

What to put in an invoice

-who its to

-description of goods/services

-price

-date

-who it from

-terms and conditions, when you're being paid

-copyright/license agreement 

-bank account details

-VAT number

-reference the brief so you know you've done what they asked

-invoice number

This talk was really informative and I learnt a lot from it. I didn't know much about copyright so it was so helpful. I also liked the interactiveness of the questions he pitched us, I found it very helpful that he gave us real scenarios we had to work out. 

[deadnametrading]

Published on Oct 12, 2015

If you had a time machine, how far back could you go and still understand English? AT what point in history would you not be able to understand the English language? If you went back in time to the 1800's and 1700's, you'd probably still be okay. This except is from the book 'Robinson Crusoe', in 1719: "I, poor miserable Robinson Crusoe, being shipwrecked during a dreadful storm in the offing, came on shore on this dismal, unfortunate island, which I called “The Island of Despair” That's fairly easy to understand, but you might struggle with old slang words like 'batty fang' and 'kickerapoo'. batty fang - a beating kickerapoo - dead land pirates - highway robbers gutfoundered - very hungry whapper - a big lie Nitsqueeger - Hairdresser Xantippe - an ill tempered wife Abbess - a nun Thornback - a spinster Barber-monger - a vain man Bleater - someone who complains a lot Brabble - to quarrel loudly Crapulous - the feeling of being too full Hugger-mugger - secretly Lettice-cap - a medical device like a hair net Pigarlik - a bald head Petty fogger - a dodgy lawyer Mumpsimus - the act of sticking to old mistaken beliefs about language and customs simply out of habit And now, your 'birthday suit' actually is a suit that you wear on your birthday. The 1600s is the time of Shakespeare. "Thy natural magic and dire property, On wholesome life usurp immediately." Here, Lucianus talking about the natural magic of poison. and how using it to kill the king will usurp the throne. Trickier to follow, but not everyone spoke like that. You would hear lots of words you didn't understand though. The bigger problem for you now is the pronunciation. The sound of the vowels has changed, and the accent is becoming much harder to understand. For example, "tea" is pronounced "tay", and "gone" is pronounced "goan". In the 1500s people essentially speak like the Bible. "Now therefore thus saith the Lord, Thou shalt not come down from that bed on which thou art gone up, but shalt surely die." KJV 2 Kings 1:4 There are also hundreds of words that don't mean a thing to you. Before about 1400 AD, you'd hear Middle English, and you would hardly understand anything, written or spoken. "Whan that Aprill, with his shoures soote The droghte of March hath perced to the roote And bathed every veyne in swich licour, Of which vertu engendred is the flour;" The Canterbury Tales, 1389 If you went all the way back to one 1000 AD, you'd hear Old English: Lord's Prayer Fæder ure þu þe eart on heofonum; Si þin nama gehalgod to becume þin rice gewurþe ðin willa on eorðan swa swa on heofonum. Good luck explaining that you need 'one point twenty-one Jigawatts' to get home! See more great vids like this on our channel! http://www.youtube.com/yestervid http://www.yestervid.com http://www.facebook.com/yestervid https://twitter.com/yestervid Credits: Audio Robinson Crusoe, Daniel Dafoe Read by Mark F. Smith, Librivox, 2010, PD-US Hamlet, William Shakespeare Read by Allex, Librivox, PD-US King James Bible, 2 Kings Chapter 1 Read by Joy Chan, Librivox, PD-US Canterbury Tales, lines 1-42 Geoffrey Chaucer Read by Youtube user: pronuntiatio CC-Attribution 3.0 Fæder Ūre - Lord's Prayer in Old English Read by Youtube user: Hrothgar Simonus CC-Attribution 3.0 With thanks to Reddit: veritate_valeo, mearcstapa, johnnynono Mental_floss & Erin McCarthy Buzzfeed & Luke Lewis Music Audioblocks Delorean Photo "TeamTimeCar.com-BTTF DeLorean Time Machine-OtoGodfrey.com-JMortonPhoto.com-07" by Terabass - Own work. CC BY-SA 4.0 Produced by Yestervid ©2015

[scifigeneration]

2018 Nobel Prize in Physiology or Medicine: a turning point in the war on cancer

by Duane Mitchell

James P. Allison and Tasuku Honjo win the 2018 Nobel Prize in Physiology or Medicine for their foundational work on cancer immunotherapy. The University of Texas MD Anderson Cancer Center and Kyoto University, CC BY-SA

There are moments in the history of scientific achievement that benchmark the end of an era and the beginning of a new phase of reality for mankind.

The significance of these inflection points is sometimes readily apparent. NASA astronaut Neil Armstrong’s first step onto the surface of the moon on July 20, 1969, marked a new phase of space exploration. Other advances take many years for the historical significance to manifest, with an impact that appreciates over decades. That was the case with the development of the mechanized clock of the 15th century and the invention of the telephone in 1876.

Attempts to rid people of their cancer burden date back to 1600 B.C. when the disease was first recognized. But the idea of using a patient’s own immune system to eliminate aggressive cancers is more recent. Nobel laureate Paul Ehrlich first postulated that the immune system might control tumors more than 120 years ago. Since then, researchers have tried to boost the immune system to wipe out cancers.

This week, the 2018 Nobel Prize in Physiology or Medicine was awarded to James P. Allison and Tasuku Honjo for discoveries that have led to new medicines that activate the immune system and drive it to fight cancers. These therapies can defeat even the deadliest malignancies.

Allison and Honjo have revolutionized our understanding of how the immune system recognizes tumor cells and have created a paradigm shift in clinical oncology that will likely alter how we treat cancer for the foreseeable future.

Standard weapons for fighting cancer

Nobel winner James Allison talks about the impact of his invention.

To date, our best tools for treating aggressive cancers that have spread beyond the range of curative surgery have been radiation therapy and systemic chemotherapy agents.

For the most part these treatments kill rapidly dividing tumor cells by damaging their DNA or disrupting other essential cellular processes. This has led to most of the significant treatment advances we have achieved in terms of long-term survival in patients with advanced cancers.

I believe that soon cancer immunotherapy will equal, or rival, the impact of radiation and chemotherapy for patients diagnosed with cancer.

To understand the significance of Allison and Honjo’s discoveries, one must appreciate researchers have been trying to rally a powerful immune response against tumor cells for the past century. Prior to Allison and Honjo’s work, researchers believed that aggressive cancers grew unchecked because the immune response was too weak. The consensus was that if one could stimulate the immune system, it would respond and destroy the invasive tumor cells.

Immune checkpoints

Allison and Honjo, however, made a critical leap when they characterized two very important and potent pathways – called “immune checkpoints” – that can shut down the immune response. These pathways inhibit T cells – white blood cells that are charged with destroying virus-infected cells and tumor cells – and prevent them from “seeing” and attacking the tumor.

Allison and Honjo identified and characterized two different proteins, called CTLA-4 and PD-1, respectively, that sit on the surface of T-cells. When these proteins interact with matching proteins on tumor cells or other immune cells – the way a key fits a lock – the T-cells fall into “sleep mode” and don’t attack the tumor.

In many patients with cancer, these CTLA-4 and PD-1 pathways shut down anti-tumor immune activity. Without immune surveillance, the tumors grow and spread. This meant that our early attempts to activate the immune system were like trying to drive a car with the brake pedal pressed to the floor. No matter how we tried, or stepped on the gas, the brakes thwarted any progress.

But Allison and Honjo’s research led to the development of a new type of drug: monoclonal antibodies that block the regulatory pathways controlled by CTLA-4 and PD-1. These drugs, called immune checkpoint inhibitors, basically attach to the CTLA-4 and PD-1 proteins and prevent them from switching off the T-cells. These new antibody-drugs have led to dramatic tumor regressions. The results are so impressive that the FDA has approved their use for a variety of advanced cancers such as: metastatic melanoma, lung cancer, kidney cancer, bladder cancer, head and neck cancers, and other tumors.

Antibodies that block PD-1 and CTLA-4, called immune checkpoint inhibitors, are used in cancer immunotherapy to block signals from tumor cells and other regulatory cells. This activates the immune system and leads to an increase in T cells which then kill tumor cells. Lan Hoang-Minh, Ph.D., University of Florida Brain Tumor Immunotherapy Program, CC BY-SA

A new arsenal of checkpoint inhibitor drugs

The excitement surrounding cancer immunotherapy is due, in no small part, to the fact that these new medicines are revolutionizing how we treat advanced malignancies in which chemotherapy, surgery and radiation have failed. Furthermore, cancer immunotherapy has already become the preferred first option treatment for some cases of metastastic melanoma, the deadliest form of skin cancer. It is currently being evaluated as the first line option over traditional chemotherapy in other cancers.

CTLA-4 and PD-1 represent only the first two well-characterized immune checkpoints among an expanding list of targets that have been identified on immune cells and are believed important for modulating T-cell tumor fighting.

There are more than a dozen immune checkpoint inhibitors that have already entered clinical development and there are endless possibilities for combining these new inhibitors with those that have already been shown to improve clinical responses in treated patients.

See how the immune system destroys tumor cells with cancer immunotherapy therapy.

The risks of unleashing the immune system

Although immune therapy is a breakthrough, it is not without risks to the patient. Taking the brakes off of the immune system can trigger undesirable and in some cases deadly consequences for patients treated with drugs. The killing power of the immune system is tightly regulated to protect normal cells from attacks that can damage critical tissues. Removing the brakes with immune checkpoint inhibitors can cause damaging inflammation in the skin, gut, heart, lungs and other vital organs. These risks can add up when these potent inhibitors are combined. And, the long-term side effects of immune checkpoint inhibition are not fully understood.

While the clinical responses to these treatments can be dramatic, long-term tumor regressions are achieved only in a minority (usually less than 20 to 30 percent depending on the tumor type) of treated patients. Also, the use of the PD-1 and CTLA-4 checkpoint inhibitors has not proven effective against all tumor types. In our own studies of malignant brain tumors, my colleagues and I have identified unique properties that make them resistant to immunotherapy and have begun to identify strategies for overcoming this treatment resistance.

Thus, we have much still to learn and significant room for improvement in order to maximize the benefits of immunotherapy for all patients. Nonetheless, we have definitively entered a new era of clinical medicine with an accelerated progress in oncology treatments.

More than one in three individuals will be diagnosed with cancer during their lifetime. Despite our continued advances in cancer prevention and early detection, a significant proportion of these individuals will be faced with advanced disease. With continued rapid progress building on Allison’s and Honjo’s pioneering discoveries, it is increasingly likely that a patient’s own immune system will prove the most effective strategy and final defense against an advancing and relentless malignancy.

About The Author:

Duane Mitchell is Professor of Neurosurgery at the University of Florida

This article is republished from our content  partner, The Conversation, under a Creative Commons license.