#CAN YOU TELL THAT IM ON MY BULLSHIT ABOUT THEM 1000% OF THE TIME

[battlestarbones]

roci crew truly found family of all time. simply unparalleled.

[neptunescore]

Literally started this blog just to say how hypocritical F1 – both the people working in it, and the sport itself – is becoming. The main 3 things I want to address is: no.1 women in motorsport, no2 the ongoing genocide in palestine and no3 F1's disallowance of anything political, yet enabling the absolute political shitshow that was the 2024 miami gp.

Numéro 1: I just think its absolute bullshit that the FIA genuinely created a whole ‘Women in Motorsport Commission’, assigned SIX STRONG ambassadors to it, and THEN proceeded (come 2023) to launch a wholeass unfair investigation onto one of them, based on the MOST groundless claims?? Like wtf?? (Talking abt Susie Wolff here). Also, the whole Cristian Horner situation really showed just how much they care about women working under them, bc tell me why the possible victim in his situation was the one getting SUSPENDED, while this possible filth of a man is still parading shamelessly around the paddock?? Like??? AND SOME OF THE DRIVERS COMMENTS ON THE SIRUATION?? pissed me off so much u dont even understand. Anyway, my last point on this convo is how women should ALSO be taken accountable of their actions, and not just glossed over because they’re ‘women’, over here im specifically talking abt Bianca Bustamante and her liked tweet which calls lance stroll autistic… girl :| and her apology was so atrocious as well. T-T

Numéro 2: The fact that not ONE driver (excluding Lewis Hamilton — that man is so much more than a driver) has spoken up/ posted about the situation pisses me off SO much bc?? THOUSANDS of people are dying, and with the platform you have, the fans you have, you could have such a positive effect! This is ESPECIALLY targeted on the drivers so I FULLY KNOW have control of their accounts (Charles Leclerec, Esteban Ocon, Lando Norris [GOD DO I HAVE ALOT TO SAY ABT HIM], Pierre Gasly, etc) bc tell me why drivers are fully capable of uploading a post 2 years ago stating how the WHOLE of F1 stands with Ukraine (which i do applaud them for) but cant say SHIT abt the same situation occuring in Gaza, but SO much worse?? Lando can genuinely go f himself, bc as much as i used to adore him there’s no way he did NOT know abt the atrocities happening in Palestine, no way he did not know abt the company boycott when he decided to fully display that Starbucks logo on his little reel. And IF (literally a 0.0000001% chance, bc by then a 1000 articles were already written on it and the WHOLE world was aware) he genuinely didn’t know, then that is just ignorant as fuck. Icel. Anyway, literally all drivers should be held accountable, no matter if they’re ur favs or not; I like Carlos a lot but that doesn’t mean i dont get the ick every time i think abt the fact he’s stayed completely silent on the matter. OH MY GOD, DONT get me started on lance stroll and his confirmed (yes, i DO fact check) Zionist girlfriend, like?? Ew.

Can i also just say, that if any of u are gonna msg me saying ‘oH bUt NeP, thE FIA BanNeD AnY anD aLl PoliTiCaL StAtEmEnTS’ Shut up. If you guys could just READ the rest of the statement, you'd know that this rule only applies to when the drivers are ACTIVELY in the paddock. The FIA has literally included the fact that driver can do WHATEVER the want, stand up for WHOEVER they want in their personal lives – which brings me to my next point,

Numéro 3: The FIA bans any and all political statements in the paddock, (without their written consent) YET INVITES TRUMP (a man who has been charged with EIGHTY EIGHT criminal offenses) to the race, is the most disgusting and hypocritical thing ive seen in all my years of watching F1. And don't even get me started on all the shit lando said abt him, like bro?? What are you saying?? Why are you saying these things?? I get u cant speak bad abt him, but that does NOT mean u need to praise him to the sun and back. T-T

That's my rant! Additional reminder abt ppl bringing up how '*retired driver (insert name)* would NOT stand for this, and would post and talk ALL abt palestine if they were still racing,' this is a reminder that those drivers are still alive and well, with WORKING platforms and can STILL do all those things now if thry CHOOSE to :]

-Nep○~

[historia-vitae-magistras]

Reading your characters profile, I realize you never mentioned their date of birth.  Can you tell me the year or time period that the characters (USA, Australia, Ireland,….)  be born?

So I kind of did that on purpose because its one of those things that people have their own very specific headcanons and versions and I don't feel that strongly about it because there's multiple ways to go about things and I've changed my mind about this couple of times but generally I go with the earliest reference to a culture emerging I can find. The idea of a nation rather than the hard founding dates because there are more to these things than just when a European stepped foot somewhere. And full disclaimer, when I don't have writing to use, I'm using archaeology and artistic expression as what that idea might have been. Also I think if I were to rewrite this now, but I don't want replace a lot of existing writing I would make them born much later but fuck it, here we go. Also I had so many links to put in this but I lost them so eh, there's one lmao fuck my entire life im so tired.

Britannia/Eirian — 1500-1000 BC. I'm kind of bullshitting because geography and history are hard to do when there's like 2 pieces of Roman propaganda that survive. The National Museum of Wales says the Celts arrived about 1000 BCE so that's when she found herself rooted in the British Isles. She might be older than that.

Ireland/Brighid — 600-400 BCE. again we're working with what's in a lot of ways prehistory here so the earliest example I could find of what archaeologists identified as a distinctly Irish take on broader artistic styles. Particularly in ironwork. There's a spearhead that was found in the River Inny that is of a style recognisable in medieval Ireland but carbon dated too before 500 BCE.

Scotland/Alasdair — 600-400 BCE. The archaeology suggests a a population increase and an artistic coalescing as temperatures warmed and some new prosperity allowed new pottery styles, increased use of horses came along and allowed the very earliest brochs or stone towers mostly found on the coastlines of Scotland seem to date to this era.

Wales/Rhys — 400-300 BCE. Literally based this off one of my favourite torcs found in Wales and that's as good as I've got send help.

England/Arthur — 50BCE-100 AD. Roman Britain get jiggy with it just wanted a couple of centuries between the baby bilge rate and his siblings.

America/Alfred — 1580s. The first reference I ever saw to America being associated with new opportunities and money making and protestant havens was 1585.

Canada/Matt - 1610s. The first reference to Canadians being different from European Frenchmen was in the 1610s so Matt popped out around then. The French unlike the British or Spanish were less attentive to the claims they made on Canada but then didn't settle for nearly a century.

Australia/Jack — 1790s. Australians as a concept was the late 1790s with some of the first references made by Gaelic speaking Irish prisoners.

Aotearoa/Zee — 1810s. She's a little harder because there's a lot of escaped prisoners, whalers and other random white people living with Māori before the Brits properly showed up but I'm just rolling with it.

[minalblood]

Been a looong while but I'm back with a new episode commentary. 1x09 here we go!

The instant recall to finale of spn s 1 is just as delicious and jarring this time around. Find it very very interesting that it's the vampires that mimic the Winchesters here and do so in order to learn their fate and fulfil it. I'd definitely call this a dark mirror to begin with.

I also adore these vamps, they're sooo fun looking.

John and Mary really came out of that near death experience losing no time in getting together.

The appreciation of Dean being paralleled to the appreciation of Baby is just... sooo funny considering the sheer amount of connections there.

Soo Kyle is instantly suspish here. Not even hiding it, damn. You can tell the shift in personality just based off his demeanor. I also think the little hand gesture he does as he walk away is interesting, it's almost like he's saying "im washing my hands off this bullshit". It subble enough that you could think it's jealousy.

The little hints at Lata and John friendship! My beloved!. Also Lata is suuuch a gossip I love her!

I once more am asking John Winchester to stop trying to be subtle, it aint his strong suit. But alternatively, I sorta get it? Like I can understand why it would be confusing if u don't get where Mary is coming from, since she has no problem letting strangers (and exs) on the street see them together, but not their close friends? But I also completely get Mary as well, she's actually lived as a hunter her whole life which means bagage already, then the fact that their relationship is new and fragile. Plus both her parents and his haven't had the easiest time with relationships. Cautious makes sense.

Ah yes, "fate is what u make it". Dean hearing it from John who heard it from Millie. All of them have their very personal reasons for that saying to apply, but also... Dean saying he didn't expect where things got when he "pushed that first domino" reminds me of Cas and him talking after the 1st Apocalypse that wasn't and about how free will sometimes means things aren't really gonna go the way you like them.to or expect them to (peace or freedom?). It's sorta funny then (read:ironic) that in both John's life (SPN!John) and Dean and Cas after Swan Song the outcome was actually quite tragic over all, John's life literally going out in flames with the rest of it being a living nightmare and in Dean and Cas' case Sam is dead and Heaven is starting a Civil War. This episode then does something really nice in subverting that expectation by setting up the tragedy (John is to die, can't change that) and allowing him to survive and not just that but ending it with him getting exactly what he'd wanted here in the beginning of the episode, getting to freely be with Mary.

I adore how Carlos calms down the driver, showing once again the full range of their skill as hunter and empathy as person. Love them so so much!

Couldn't get a hold of John, says Mary, being more suspicious then if she and John had shown up together... I find that hilarious!

Also also, love that this clarified that fangs are still teeth aka u can identify people (vampires here) based on them. I love love love that!

Uuuù Betty is suspish about Mary.

God! Dean had to have loved the vampire robbers. Vobbers? Rompires? Vambbers?

Oh noooo John! Don't be ur children! Don't just pick up random amulets like a moron! (At least we know who they got it from?)

Carlos is almost just as bad, my God! You see ur friend drop it like it hot and you just bend to.pick it urself?! Ah, Carlos, the range you got babe.

John dying by vamps begins my headache of the night because it is 1000% a callback to Dean's death in 15x20. And I wish that wasnt the case.

Ok let's talk Ursitoare (Uhr- see-too-ah-reh) a sec. So this is Romanian myth. To give an overview of it, the myth largely relates to the Ursitoare (or Fates you could say) blessing or cursing a new born after they've been born. Usually the legend states that the mother or midwife would have to leave out gifts (generally food like bread or water or salt etc) to basically appease them and make sure the baby gets a good destiny foretold. It's also states that those who eavesdrop on them as they tell the childs destiny shall die. They are also said to be quick to anger if spurned. Another interesting think tho about the myth is that (while there can sometimes be 7 or 9) the 3 ursitoare are generally known as Ursitoarea, Soarta si Moartea (aka the One who Wishes your fortune, Fate and Death) again the Greak Fates work very well and there's def overlap between the myths here. But importantly, Ursitoarea is the oldest and Death the Youngest (or othewise simply stated as the 3rd).

Now based on this we have a few things to keep in mind, mainly our vampires. They esentially eavesdrop on John's fate here and get exactly what the legend states - killed. In other news, the Ursitoare are very much neutral beings generally. They can be plied with offerings sure, but overall they just spin the thread as it goes. Its only ever an active role when wishing the newborns destiny. Now John's our newborn here, new to hunting at least, reborn once already after the war and a second time after confrunting everything he has since hunting became his life. More importantly, in some versions of the myth, the ursitoare give either the mother or the midwife dreams the night after the baby is born that need to be carefully interpreted afterwards - exactly what the Gem does here.

To wrap this part up a bit, I am.endlessly happy about the way they tackled this myth. SPN had sadly a bad bad record with Romanian mythology and lore - 1st with the witches in s7 which I'd argue was ... 'inspired' by rromani mythology rather than Romanian which is its own culture and as such its own racist connotation to that whole mess. And 2nd with the Imaginary Friends in s 11 aka Zanna .... which has absolutely nothing to do with Romanian mythology beyond slapping a horrendous mispronunciation of Zână onto a piece of lore that doesnt exist in Romanian mythos - we don't have any imaginary friend stuff, its literally all imported from the US. So this lore here? This is fucking aces! It actually makes sense, is actually a Romanian myth that is still being invoked nowadays - especially in the countryside as tradition of baptising/birth and it works very well in the context of the episode. Now, it would've been perfect if they didnt add that shh sound in Ursitoare making ir Urshitoare... Like its funny a bit cuz I constantly think of bears (urşi - ursh is plural for bear in Romanian) but its ok since its just that. I can live with a minor mispronunciation. I will say the Gem itself is fully made up tho for TW.

To answer Carlos tho, the Ursitoare themselves tell u 2 things: the future and also a future they are willing to bless or curse you with. It's essentially both. They show u the future, ur life as it's meant to be exactly, no deviation, but only in pieces or really a piece as a dream and, importantly the sorta end result of ur life which they wish upon u as newborn. How u get to that wish is up to you. The Gem.appears to have merged these two.

I also love love love the show of community that hunters have, that a hunters network is important to getting the job done. It makes me strangle SPN!John worse because he actively isolated himself aaand his kids. Ffs!

Awwwweee I like Betty! I mean shes a cop soo... not great but shes nice and cares so much and is worried :((

Millie does a good job here I think. She's not dismissive of Bettys concerns, but shes also careful to dispel them if possible. She shows once more how good she is at manipulating people, tho admitedly this time it isnt anything malicious or even generally negative.

I also gotta say that Betty (and id say John by extension) is very naive to think that war could in any way shape or form help with the issues John had had. Like he had trauma from his fathers abandonment and his mothers general treatment afterwards, had trauma from the disfunctional relationship the two had before Henry died/left, which all was underscored by deep-seated guilt that he let out as rage. Like all war would do is make it far far worse. It shows just how young Betty is truly and how she really hasn't lived through too much yet. And i said John too because Im fairly sure he also thought going to war would help in a similar manner.

I also headcanon that Betty was very inspired by Millie... but thats just me.

Carlos continues to be a dumb dumb about Anton... unsurprising, but omg.

I forgot the stone was carved from the Ursitoare's ribs... is it just me who though of the birth of Eve here??? Also yes, Il Soarta is def Italian I realize now. Do i question why an Italian cult was obsessed with Romanian myth.. absolutely not.

Im think that the 'most times not'part of what destiny the Gem shows u is due to essentially the stone acting as ... well... an eavesdropper. Literally. It was given to specific people to use by the Ursitoare as recompense for their worship - so good fate; but then as time went on it became a useful artifact for the benefit of Il Soarta so it became a way to eavesdrop on destiny so said destiny changed in them because that worship became.in name only. As mentioned, the Ursitoare arent patient and dont take well to being spurned or used in this case.

God the drip on the vamps, love them so much!

I would also argue that fate ultimately doesn't care about anyone if the whole universe is in jeopardy and uve a bigger destiny like John Winchester does.

I agree with Mary calling Millie here. Especially since she actually.knows what it's like to just ... lose someone like that. John does too, but he's also the one in the middle of it.

Ironic that Mary says "even if i have to kill every vampire in the tri-state area " ... a version of her actually does do that... for her kids. And simultaneously, its ironic also that another version of John will tell their kids that vampires are extinct (which could get them killed fyi).

Millie and Dean would be horrible together... all theyd do is work in the garage and shittalk research... and I kind love that for them.

I also like that Millie does in fact tell John bout Betty and also basically tells him.to not bullshit a bullshitter. This convo between Millie and John might be the 1st truly empathetic one we've had for them. Like yes, John's defenses go up instantly and he immediately assumes that Millie agrees with Betty and is judging him, but Millie, this time, doesnt do that. She just wants to check-in on how he's doing. And does so softly. And believes him more importantly.

And of course, back to the tried and true Winchester feelings avoidance after we've just had a helluva emotionally vulnerable talk.

I live for Carlos being disappointed in the vamps housing choices. I too would judge that. (So would Dean tbh)

Aaaaand Carlos once more gives us the biggest puzzle piece to where the vamps are.

While Lata is once more absolutely delighted by the magic lockpick like the wonderful nerd she is.

Millie to John "Dont do what u always do, not today" --> leads him directly to the room hes gonna die in. Irony at its finest.

A lot of irony in this episode, i realize now...

God I adore Carlos v vampires fight scene, its soo good. And its followed by the equally as fantastic Mary v vampires. Ahhh, I love them all so much.

Ppl really shouldn't fuck with Mary Campbell when shes pissed and worried.

I will miss the vamps tho... i really liked them :(

Ah yes, Winchester ingenuity at its finest... 🙈

I like what this ep says about how dead mans blood works? It implies that vampires literally drain the life force through the blood because the dead mans blood only came into effect once John did actually die - a few moments after he got bit thus implying a certain supernatural link between the blood just ingested and John's lifeforce. I vibe with that.

Ah yes... the full context - still drives me.mad. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN ROBBIE?! Especially with all the parallels TW has to SPN.

I appreciate the CPR not stopping until only after they think he really did die for good. U DONT stop CRP for dramatic pause ( advice to othee shows/movies or in ro aviz amatorilor)

Antoooooonnnnnn!

Anton and Carlos!!! 💓💓💓 yay!

And they're using their words! They're communicating guys 😭 im so proud

Damn... Mary and John are being cute too 🥲

Dun dun dun!

Betty and Kyle and Kyle is Akrida! 😱

Sorry, i dont got anything revealing or deep to say about the ending here 🤣🤣🤣 its all plot and relationships.

Aand so we reach the end of another episode, 4 more to go!

I will say time and distance made this episode easier to watch for me. 15x20 had fucked me up before and made it very hard to watch without refering back to it. It has several parallels to Dean and dying specifically. The main one ofc being death adjacent to vampires. But it also has John killing himself for the sake of the hunt which sadly doesn't bode well either because it reminds me of a really bad couple of weeks back in 2017 when i had the realization that Dean has literally been shown as suicidal every single season (and i can name the ep, its so clear) and then Advanced Thanatology hit the Tv screens on nov 9th 2017... not a fun realization and def not a fun series of events afterwards. Sorry to bring this up here, but well... its relevant sadly.

Thankfully tho, this episode works well to deconstruct that and to subvert the spn finale by allowing John to live and to fully embrace his realtionship with Mary.

In other news, next ep will anger me a bit... for.multiple reason, some having already been discussed by people better equiped to talk about it then me. But rest assured, ive shit to say outside of that too, so see y'all for ep 10. Im aiming to have that up by the end of the week.

And thanks to @noybusiness and @shallowseeker for encouranging me to continue this.

[albedostartarus]

I genuinely fucking hate myself. like. I can do this man why am I like this. I can't talk to people even though I want ti befriend them there's so many cool people around me and im just. im stupid, ugly and pathetic. I wish I weren't like this. I don't tell the friends anything anymore bc I refuse to bring down their moods with my endless bullshit. im just. im such a waste of resources im stupid stupid stupid stupifd stupid. im ugly im rude im a big fucking pain in everyones ass. I haven't been eating well at all like. I haven't had 2 proper meals in the past weeks and like. I just. I don't want my friends to know bc they get mad but I feel even more like shit if I eat, 2300 calories??????? are you insane???? I eat barely over 1000 and feel so shit about it I feel fat, full and the one time I forced myself to eat that much my stomach hurt like hell, and I was genuinely clutching it and crying in the shower I can't fucking do this anymore im. im stupid. I genuinely have considered substances because like. it sounds like they numb peoples' emotions which is exactly want I want. I want to stop feeling all of this and just. just be intoxicated and not scared to say something anything to anyone. I don't trust myself around that though I don't wanna risk that. man. I can't

[magic-is-something-we-create]

1, 4, 21?

hi!! sorry im Literally 2 Weeks Late on this, tumblr didnt show me that i had asks </3

1. How many wips do you have? How many are you actively working on?

Off the top of my head, I've got 8 WIPs total right now that I have any emotional attachment to, and technically 2 that I'm actively working on - though Whispers is being left alone for a couple months so I can be more objective in my editing for the second round!! Drafting though is just The Millennium Saga, currently!

4. How would you explain your wip to someone who knew nothing about it?

I have, in fact, done this before, but its a little bit long so it'll be behind the cut!! It's a very casual description of the Millennium Saga, but I think it's the best overview I've figured out so far <3

21. What originally inspired this story?

BOY OH BOY i know it was some music that i listened to on loop in middle school but i know it was multiple songs and the only one i can remember now is Embers by Owl City which. mayhaps obviously. inspired the very earliest version of ember thats tbh almost unrecognizable at this point.

Unfortunately, all of my WIPs are ones that I've had stewing in my brain in one way or another since I was 12, so I no longer remember the inspirations behind them all 😭

Thank you again for sending this in!!! The requested explanation is below the cut <3

TMS is a fantasy series that starts with the promise of a revolution story, except the revolution itself (at least the part the characters are able to participate in) is over by the end of part one of book one (of 8), and it quickly becomes a game of cat-and-mouse running from the military retribution that THEN becomes the classic “oh fuck the world/magic is gonna end” plot. Which ends up really being a world-wide societal revolution, because the world was supposedly saved from that shit already, like, 1000 years ago. The Chosen One just lied about it because he ran out of time, begged the Goddesses for more, and is struggling to figure out how to Actually Save It For Real while juggling being an immortal king who is in way out of his depth and has never had, like, friends. Or anyone to tell him what to do without the expectation of being their puppet.

The main narrator of book one, Ember, volunteers for said revolution, but is dragged into the rest of The Bullshit because they are physically incapable of a) leaving their friends behind and b) not telling authority figures like said Chosen One to be better or fuck off.

The other narrators include their long-term boyfriend, Gab (an acrobat/actor/prostitute that’s very emotionally intelligent but Not when it comes to his own feelings), their mutual polyam love interest Iceberg/Isa (great grandson of another immortal and grandson of the general that is hunting them after the revolution), and more as the series goes on and slowly switches from their storyline to that of their younger siblings/friends.

You see a lot more of the world in this than in Whispers, and get a shit ton more worldbuilding cause it’s, like, plot-relevant. Also we get to meet the Goddesses (x6) and help the Chosen One and his ex-husband work through couples therapy. And collect a found family along the way.

Oh, and save the world through the powers of love (in all its different forms) and intersectional solidarity being the thing the Goddesses admire most about mortality.

[a-libra-writes]

Soooo. BoB. I love George Luz. Do you love George Luz? If ya do maybe you can do something with the teeniest of plot bunnies in my brain that I can do NOTHING with bc I am 1000% NOT a writer. :(

How do you think Luz would react to a woman who could make the guys laugh as much as he does? Like he walks in to mess hall or something and she's like, holding court at one of the tables and the guys are just busting up laughing at her. I feel like he'd feel a bit jealous/competitive briefly but then he'd go all heart eyes. Lol. Whatcha think? And how would he win her over?

Sorry, I am a sucker for man who is a competent clown and a light in dark times and there just isn't enough Luz love, imo, so I'm shooting my shot here. Lol. Thanks in advance if you do anything with this and I hope you have fun with it. If not, no worries! Love ya!

I love George Luz. if luz has a million fans im one of them. if luz has ten fans i am one of them. if -- okay you get the point lol. HCs under the cut!!

So I honestly can't see him having a jealous or competitive bone in his body when it comes to a funny lady - if anything, that's the quickest way to his heart. He'd be taken aback because especially in this time period, ladies have certain expectations about how they're supposed to act. It's already strange that you have a military position - even if it's auxiliary or medical staff - and you were usually with the other women.

So, the first time he actually gets to meet you properly is when you've got a group of guys - like a princess holding court - and you're sending them into stitches. Absolute heart-eyes. He just watches for a while, grinning to himself, not wanting to step into the circle and interrupt it... buuut maybe he'd also want to wait until they leave, so he can talk to you without any interruptions. That's exactly what he does.

The both of you being together means non-stop stupid bullshit. The couple that can't stop bantering and yacking back and forth - if people aren't telling you to get a room, they're telling you both to shut up. You both probably get in trouble more than once because you're just a huge distraction whenever you're together. You and George also end up having ridiculous in-jokes that no one else understands. When you try to explain them to your girlfriends, they're beyond confused. It doesn't help that you can't stop giggling as you explain it.

It's definiately one of those relationships where the other boys just know you two are gonna get together and stay together. They often joke about when the wedding is, and they better be invited once the war is over.

[disphoriasweater]

its rare to find avengers fanfic posted after civil war that doesn't Bash Steve and infantilizes Tony.

Like, the only reason Steve didnt want to sign The Sokovia Accords was bc they sound kinda like something the NSDAP definitely did! Regulation of Mutants, if you misbehave you are thrown into prison! plus The Avengers become government jurisdiction. All Mutants are identified- wow they definitely did that to the Jews. Im surprised they didnt force mutants to wear a big shiny label announcing their presence to the world too! Oh im sure they would've added that in the update!

i might be an idiot but i do know that if the US Government got a hold of the most powerful superhuman team.....well lets just say it wouldnt be good- The US could stop the Avengers from doing a lot of good in war torn countries or they could weaponize The Avengers to get resources out of countries.

I understand that Steve genuinely thought that if Hitler had came up with the exact same accord then everyone would be 1000% against it just because it violates basic human rights (not to mention it lowkey implies 'mutants are subhuman' which like is another tick on the 'is this thing a nazi thing"' checklist). If Steve had put his big boy pants on and diplomatically explained his concerns instead of throwing a hissy fit then everything would've been fine.

(Im Team-Tony can you tell?)

And Tony Fucking Stark. I absolutely love the contrast between Steve and Tony. Steve. understood war and he had long ago become numb to the idea of it. But Tony was fresh, he still thought he could make a difference and protect the world

but also,

Tony was scared, hes fear driven. he was guilty and he let his emotions guide him. He didnt think 'is this good for everyone?' he thought 'will this alleviate my guilt and attone for my mistakes?'

so he agreed. he thought of The Greater Good

BRRRRR LUNCH BREAK TO RANT ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE

Dumbledore also thought about The Greater Good and we hated him, like they both brought a child into their fight and used them to get what they wanted before dumping them later-so say what you want but Tony did use Peter and then abandoned him when he wasn't useful like sure he went changed his mind in homecoming but even that took awhile and like dont even give me a bullshit excuse like 'oh he was keeping him at arms length bc he was scared due to his own fathers treatment of him' bc its overused and basic. Tony used Peter and ill gladly argue it all day) {btw i use LIKE and BC a lot when im heated up lol}

LUNCH BREAK OVER BRRRRR

look i love Tony but his inability to own up to his fear in a healthy way really did screw him over. Steve had a legitimate reason to refuse to sign the pile of nazi laws with the major war crimes blacked out and AMERICAN written in big sparkly letters while Tony only had a pile of survivors guilt and Woke White Man in a position of Privilege guilt badly duct taped in the vague shape of a human.

Both are so fucking stubborn that its probably good Stony isnt canon because they are the embodiment of "unstoppable force meets immovable object".

ps this in no way affects my feelings of tony or steve any time AFTER civil war- this is just my extremely late response to that clusterfuck of a movie

[princesssarcastia]

a list of thoughts about The Old Guard (2020), in no particular order

the second they get over the fact that Nile was appearing in a time of extreme crisis, all four of them were so ready to just automatically fold her into their lives/family.  they’re openly affectionate and genuinely curious about her and her life, and caring toward her needs.  they talk to her, and offer up pieces of their history freely, which is such a breath of fresh air after all the usual macho bullshit. And I think that’s because they know she’s going to be a part of their family.  They know they’re going to love her eventually, so why not start now?  It’s kind of like that one quote: “It wasn’t love at first sight exactly, but it was familiarity.  Something like oh hello, it’s you. It’s going to be you.”  That’s how they are with Nile and im just *clutches heart* *cries*

obviously they’re all the same kind of immortal, and they dream of one another, so there’s that connection.  but im still stuck on how Joe and Nicky appeared together.  at the same time.  god what kind of romantic soulmate bullshit i ADORE it.  Andy was alone for thousands of years, and Quynh for hundreds, and im just.  I’m so happy that Nicky and Joe get to have that.  And it’s so radically different from the way the others came together.

Also, how long was Booker the baby?  Nile is the young one now, who has to learn the ropes, but Booker is only like 200 years old! Compared to Andy’s 6000 and Joe&Nicky’s 1000; talk about younger brother, right?? How long did the three of them look at Booker and think “oh my god you’re an infant?”  Did they ever stop?  Does he ever feel like he’s slightly on the outside because he’s got so little history compared to them?

I think Andy and Joe and Nicky’s relationship is really interesting, because it feels more like they’ve met on equal footing.  Like maybe Joe and Nicky had a LOT more time to just be together and become Joe&Nicky before Andy and Quynh found them.  They do say in the movie that it used to take a lot longer to find new ones.

Of course, given that Booker was the only new one after they joined up, you have to wonder how long it took them to find Booker.  Which is a whole ‘nother pile of angst tbh.

I’ve been headcanon-ing that every time there’s a new advancement in technology that the gang like, draws straws for who has to learn to do it.  Which is why Andy can fly a plane and drive, and Nicky can fire a sniper rifle really really well, and why Booker does all the computer stuff.  Because why should they all have to suffer through learning something that might end up being a fad?

Part of the reason Nile accepted Booker’s sad “your loved ones will grow to hate you” backstory as universal so quickly is because of the way her unit started treating her before Andy kidnapped rescued her.  Like, what a wonderful, quietly insidious series of moments that was.  Dizzy is so suspicious of her survival, which has got to hurt, right?  They people are supposed to be Nile’s comrades in arms, but they turn on her like that when she starts to be perceived as ~different~.  God, that moment when she comes in and they’ve already packed her bags for her?? but NOT the pictures of them as a group being happy??? oh my GOD who’s idea was that give them an oscar.  anyway.  I think that makes Nile justifiably wary about telling people, and then when Booker tells her about his sons she kind of...accepts that these four people will be her only people.

Copley was 100% a history major/grad/whatever before he went CIA, because you don’t get to that level of red string history conspiracy without training.

and let’s just.  just one more time think about how much they all are automatically ride or die for nile.  there’s SO MUCH FOUND FAMILY LOVE. 

[punkscowardschampions]

Ronnie & Joe

Ronnie: [is gonna rock up late despite literally living with Charlie so enjoy the entrance everybody]

Joe: [when you weren’t invited but still gonna show up like you have somewhere better to be, love that for you, the effort we’ve not gone to because we live here so it’s kinda okay but not really Joseph, also I imagine kinda shook she ended up showing]

Ronnie: [likewise in the sense that she dresses the same everywhere she goes unless it’s a job interview or court appearance lol but we know she looks good if you’re Joseph and into it, I imagine her zoning in on Jamie immediately like who the fuck is this and then oh I’ve heard nothing about you kinda energy soz gal]

Joe: [rude but not untrue in this case, at least Charlie can make it seem like you’re joking and Joe can go get you a drink like soz this is all we have energy ‘cos in jokes]

Ronnie: [I highly doubt they have enough seats around that table so I also imagine her dragging up something to sit on like yeah I’m here to stay bitches and drinking Joe’s drink while he’s gone as a throwback to when she did when they met at that gig and cos we’re obvs claiming him LOL]

Joe: [we know the food is gonna be studenty anyway so having smaller portions won’t kill any of us lmao, just dying at how shocked Sophie is having to conceal she is, host on queen, boring boyfriend having no opinions of course]

Ronnie: [don’t worry gal depending how much of a jealous rage we get into we probably won’t be eating it so you’ll still have brownies left, her face would be iconic and I totally picture Marc on his phone the entire time because Paul used to do that when he was with Trace]

Joe: [giving nothing to this bizarre situation, too real, Charlie and Sophie holding this together, soz guys, Joe jus amused af, do we sit opposite or next to hmm]

Ronnie: [read that as soz gays, ILY mum & dad, I think he needs to sit opposite Jamie so that she can accuse them of eye fucking each other or whatever so probably next to]

Joe: [okay yes gather ‘round everyone]

Ronnie: she lives here

Joe: yeah I told you, Silent Bob’s gf

Ronnie: you said he had a bitch not shes been chained to the radiator since youse lot moved in

Joe: maybe that’s his secret

Ronnie: whens he letting you have your go

Joe: got my own radiator you can have a go on when this is over

Joe: not to brag or nothing

Ronnie: wont be over til the fat flatmate sings & the other one sucking you off while her & mariah duet and the boyfriend pretends he aint watching youse instead is fuck all to brag about

Joe: be lucky if it got close to that level of mildly interesting

Joe: where are you in all this then

Ronnie: under the sink looking for drain cleaner or whatever else i can drink

Joe: why do you get to have all the fun?

Ronnie: i dont waste my time asking bullshit questions

Joe: how are we gonna waste our time

Ronnie: im gonna kill your shared girlfriend & youre gonna cry about it

Joe: I don’t think I am

Joe: no amount of tragedy is gonna breakthrough the chemical fog

Ronnie: you would if you could

Joe: [🙄 at her]

Ronnie: [tips however much is left of her drink into his lap not at all accidentally but we know Charlie and Soph will pretend it was]

Joe: [whip them off to go get changed boy]

Ronnie: [when you wanna follow him but you just gotta glare instead]

Joe: [probably taking whatever we’ve got in to make this go easier, ‘scuse us, so much missing out]

Ronnie: [you know she turned up already on something so do what you gotta do Joseph]

Joe: [Jamie should be talking to you about uni things thus alienating everyone else a lil ‘cos that is a bit rude and will annoy you gal]

Ronnie: [fully just opening up a wound over here literally cos she was already jealous but did not realise they had this much shit in common or anything in common actually so we’re just livid and bleeding]

Joe: [Sophie just running with the kitchen roll like omg do we have bandages guys like oh babe you truly only mean well, Charlie just giving the can you not looks of it all, Joe just jealous because we’ve obviously got our long sleeves]

Ronnie: [a spoken out loud fuck you at everyone but mainly Joe as we go to the bathroom to not deal with this but instead evoke the energy of when Mae downed that mouthwash because she definitely would and also go through the cabinets for anything sharp obvs]

Joe: [at least you can go under the guise of checking on her but really you’re just seeing what she’s doing]

Ronnie: [1000% have not locked the door because we wanted him to follow us but that won’t stop her telling him to get out because walking contradiction forever]

Joe: [locks it behind him in response]

Ronnie: [the most intense glare in response because could not be more livid rn]

Joe: [grabbing wherever the wound is like we’re gonna kiss it better or something like Soph for a casual bit of blood drinking]

Ronnie: [obviously have to push him away really hard because we’re obviously really into it and excuse you boy we’re trying to be angry and hate you, soz to all the flatmates when you hear that crashing about]

Joe: [lmao this tiny bathroom getting destroyed, steady yourself and her despite that clearly not being what she wants right now, roll up a sleeve ‘you never did the X’]

Ronnie: [the glorious visual of trying to get past him to leave/push him away again at the same time in a small space so you just end up pressed up against each other and the door making eye contact and it’s hot af ‘you never took me anywhere’]

Joe: [‘so let me’ do you mean let’s get out of here or in a saucy way either or you skinny as hell girl so if you not really trying to leave it’s easy not to let you]

Ronnie: [‘she’ll let you’ because we’re not just dropping this even if we want to]

Joe: [‘who?’ like an oblivious boy ‘cos clearly not where our head is]

Ronnie: [a really vicious read of Jamie based on what we’re learned this evening that I’m not gonna do because I am not that mean but it’s obvious it’s her and not Sophie we’re talking about, hope you don’t hear us gal]

Joe: [‘I’m not interested’ in every sense right now ‘and you know that, stop pissing about’]

Ronnie: [‘wasn’t any other cunt round the table hanging on her every fucking word, I know that’ because that was blatant Jamie]

Joe: [‘I can’t help it that her fella’s an accountant’ what do you do Marc, do any of us know lol, shrugs ‘we go to the same school, that’s it’ and a look like whatever the fuck this is is clearly more]

Ronnie: [she would wanna lol but we can’t because still mad ‘that’s it?’ not actually a question though more like you better be telling the truth boy ‘why the fuck have you never told me about her then?’]

Joe: [‘I thought I had when I said he had a girlfriend’ not not a lie ‘none of them are what I want to talk about, that’s it’]

Ronnie: [‘you were thinking with this’ grabbing his dick when we say so ‘that’s it’ cos even if that was true Joseph we shade the rest of the flatmates often and you know damn well we love doing it]

Joe: [shakes head even though we are very clearly into that ‘she’s no Soph’ like it wouldn’t be as funny soz]

Ronnie: [‘is right’ like yeah I know you actually seriously wanna get with her, and moving away but not to leave but to pick back up whatever implement we were gonna hurt ourselves with before he came in but didn’t get chance to because we’re genuinely upset]

Joe: [literally putting ourselves in front of it like no ‘Ronnie’ like I don’t know how you’re going to even put it into words boy so it’s mainly a !!! look]

Ronnie: [a look that starts out like don’t try and stop me/fuck you but turns into !! when his does like say something/do something if you mean it]

Joe: [got to go in and kiss you whilst making her push whatever she was gonna use on herself into him, now or never, enjoy the tension finally getting released]

Ronnie: [obviously we’re kissing you back so we all know what’s gonna happen next lol, soz flatmates I really hope you can’t hear anything, especially Charlie cos you actually know they’re related]

Joe: [it is not a big flat so keep quiet, just think he’s comforting her for all this time or what, god bless]

Ronnie: [she would be trying to keep quiet but not for y’all more so he thinks she’s unimpressed/not that into it but that would literally last all of a second because she’s obviously very into it]

Joe: [the levels you aren’t gonna wanna go back in but can’t be seen as being romantic lads]

Ronnie: [I could easily have her leave if we want though because it’s a fact that she doesn’t wanna be here and everyone would be relieved except Joseph]

Joe: [that probably makes sense, honestly, and you’ve freaked them all out, as was the point]

Ronnie: [and lbr you’ve freaked yourselves out with how good that hook up was too so]

Joe: [just go hide in your room like you’re very taxed by that in an acceptable way boy]

Ronnie: [god knows where you’re gonna go gal but please don’t OD again like you literally did in Margate no time ago]

Joe: [the headfuckery]

Ronnie: [poor Charlie just like UMMM WTF cos she must look bad even for her rn and we’ve behaved terribly and then literally legged it so]

Joe: [thank god you’re such a natural party go-er so you can make up some excuse to put them all at relative ease but yeah, for sure like excuse me]

Ronnie: [might be fun to do a convo between them when we’re done with this one]

Joe: [I’m down even though I really haven’t used him yet, I’ll give it a go]

Ronnie: [yeah it’s been forever since we did the group chats with them and Bronson and Bea it feels like another life, I can send you the convo we did where she told him she met Joe if you like cos I re-read that the other day and it was pretty good]

Ronnie: [but the real question is who’s gonna break first and start a convo and how long are we leaving it?]

Joe: [please do ‘cos did not realize we’d done that tbh]

Joe: [I could make a case for either of them, him to prove he meant it as he left it last time but her so she can’t automatically be on the ‘it meant nothing’ total defensive hmm]

Joe: [some hours later when the party is over, or could be]

Joe: Charlie was going pub, he’s left here though

Ronnie: [even later because whatever she’s doing she’s messy and can’t reply to the extent that she doesn’t need to because he won’t be expecting her to and yet here we are]

Ronnie: did whitney ask you to pass it on to us cos hes still disappointed like

Joe: couldn’t say

Joe: just letting you know that you’ll have a free gaff for a while longer

Ronnie: where have i chucked the other one for the sake of this free gaff in your mind mckenna

Joe: alright, free rooms better than fuck all

Ronnie: its his emmy oggie i aint there either

Joe: anywhere good?

Ronnie: compared to what

Joe: established it’s no brag compared to tonight

Ronnie: not gonna stop you comparing me & her

Joe: compare to what?

Joe: pleasantries over cocopops

Ronnie: youll be interested in eating her out now youve got what you wanted off me

Ronnie: 9 is easier to carve than an 8 and you wont look like youre trying to copy the infinity sign one of your other exes wouldve got inked on her

Joe: it’s not remotely the fucking same

Joe: if I was arsed about getting my numbers up there’s millions of girls in this city I could hit up before you

Ronnie: yeah youre not related to any of em and theyd have less clue how to shoot up than you do

Joe: even if the related bit was ringing 100% true, you’re the only user in town now?

Joe: you don’t have to pervert it when it already was

Ronnie: youre already romanticising it like a fucking 13 year old so yeah i do cause one of us has to get real

Joe: you reckon I’m so okay with it just because I can admit I wanted it

Joe: who do you reckon you’re lying to like I weren’t there

Ronnie: who do you reckon youre talking to like i didnt fucking leave you there for a reason

Joe: Fuck off

Ronnie: i did

Joe: for someone who reckons they’re so open, you chat so much shit

Ronnie: open to what soft lad infection

Joe: scars and trackmarks on your sleeve

Ronnie: yeah

Joe: you didn’t miss much

Ronnie: no shit you didnt just invite me cause you wanted to fuck me

Ronnie: can do that anywhere

Joe: yeah and you didn’t just wanna come to make Soph cry, like

Ronnie: i owed you

Joe: get it off your to-do list then

Joe: well done

Ronnie: stop crying youll never look as ugly as horse girl doing it or go for as long as her

Joe: you love her, we all 👀

Ronnie: i said shut up

Joe: no, you say something that’s not stupid

Ronnie: what for fucks sake

Ronnie: what did you reckon id say when you started chatting shit like nothing happened

Joe: alright, I don’t know

Joe: it happened, right

Ronnie: you werent hallucinating

Joe: nothing that makes that happen in the bathroom cupboard

Joe: I don’t regret it, I know that

Ronnie: meant to be made up to hear it am i

Joe: nah, probably not

Joe: but you wanted me to talk about it so I am

Ronnie: i wanted you to take the fucking hint when i legged it as soon as

Joe: you could’ve blocked me, so

Joe: pardon me for not taking it that seriously

Ronnie: not your crazy ex & i couldnt deny you your bullshit heroics

Ronnie: mary aint carrying me anywhere and i know how bad you wanna see me turn blue

Joe: you like having a stalker, is what you mean

Ronnie: block me and get your whore flatmate to tell you what she likes about you

Ronnie: weve established i aint got the talent to sing no cunts praises

Joe: we’ve established I’m not interested in that

Ronnie: cause you want me to tell you how smart you are at fucking me instead of beat the shit out of you

Ronnie: it wont last

Joe: familys forever, sis

Ronnie: not to your ma baby

Ronnie: did i look enough like her for you

Joe: what do you reckon

Joe: your theory, not mine

Ronnie: mustve youve still not fucked off

Joe: you’ve got room for another face tat or two

Ronnie: go do that then

Joe: you can leave out the yes sir

Joe: not my fantasy

Ronnie: no shit like youve been my bitch since you hit send on facebook

Joe: 😂

Joe: I’ve been worse

Ronnie: you trying to turn me on or what its a bit late for it

Joe: just the once, alright

Joe: bit cliche but probably for the best considering

Joe: very sensible of you

Ronnie: cliche that my da didnt stick around long enough for his side of the family to properly cut or sew me up so ive gotta regret not getting chance to put a razor blade inside me before you 💔

Ronnie: now youre gonna reckon i care youve said the once ll do when i just hate you & hate how you fuck even more

Joe: Could’ve said it was about as much fun as

Joe: it’s alright

Joe: both confused, clearly

Ronnie: youre not confused youre fucking smug

Joe: hardly another achievement for the fridge door

Joe: what’s to be smug about

Ronnie: probably for the best i dont answer that if thats how you feel

Joe: come on

Joe: aside from proving you were full of shit about not wanting to as well

Ronnie: fuck you

Joe: you don’t want me to say how I really feel

Ronnie: making me cum earlier dont mean you know what i want now

Joe: right, you want me to declare my love so you get more out of telling me to fuck off, that’s more like it

Ronnie: do i fuck

Joe: then what do you want

Ronnie: like you give the slightest shit

Joe: I do too

Ronnie: no you dont

Joe: I fucking do

Joe: [prove it in a way only y’all would, carve her name or something]

Ronnie: [send him your own pics of the bite marks you’re covered in which is a self harming thing you’ve not done since you were a kid because it’s been a headfuck every second since you two met and we’re not coping honey]

Joe: you hungry?

Joe: you didn’t eat fuck all, I mean

Joe: could get something not dubiously prepared by Soph

Ronnie: hungry as you are funny

Joe: I weren’t trying to be

Joe: on the spectrum, or whatever you said

Ronnie: you wish you had the excuse or the musical prodigy status

Joe: 💔 about that genuinely

Joe: just a dickhead

Ronnie: yeah

Joe: I don’t know what to say

Joe: there’s no point saying I’m sorry

Ronnie: no point is right youre not sorry

Joe: nah

Joe: it’d be lovely for you if I’d found you and you were fine

Joe: but like you said, it ain’t about me or her, it’s about loads of shit and you clearly weren’t so

Joe: just seems pointless

Ronnie: im made up you finally got your head round it

Joe: Yeah well, I didn’t tell you I was a good person

Joe: don’t mean I don’t give no fucks, just ‘cos I ain’t trying to save you

Ronnie: you keep telling me you aint like it matters to me who you are

Joe: yeah, it doesn’t in why you’re fucked

Joe: but what do you want from me

Ronnie: its your fucking fault im like this climbing the walls same as when i was a kid

Joe: yeah ‘cos you were doing really great before weren’t ya

Ronnie: all you give a fuck about is letting yourself off the fucking hook

Joe: Blame me then what does it change

Joe: do something about it other than fucking yourself up, I don’t care

Ronnie: stop lying that youre bothered if your only answer to me losing my mind is that i was before

Joe: I can’t help you

Joe: If you thought I could, though why the fuck you would

Joe: then I am sorry

Ronnie: 💔🖕

Joe: I’ve got my own problems

Joe: if I had any solutions, I’d light ‘em up and shoot them into myself first, naturally

Ronnie: youve got a solution i gave it to you

Ronnie: why the fuck would you make me feel something

Joe: Selfishness

Joe: pure and simple

Ronnie: on your way to a grown up habit im dead proud

Joe: what more could I want

Ronnie: that to scab over seeing as youve finally admitted its bullshit

Joe: I still think about you constantly

Joe: I still want to know everything about you

Joe: I’d rot with you

Ronnie: youve got your own problems to think about

Joe: yeah, and that’s hell

Joe: I’ve done plenty of that

Ronnie: yeah and youve got your escape

Joe: take yours

Joe: can have plan bs and cs even if a is the best

Ronnie: youre the kid who tells the rest to jump off a bridge

Ronnie: cute

Joe: you’re implying I wouldn’t and all

Ronnie: i dont give a shit what you do but i aint giving you the satisfaction of being the last fuck i ever had

Ronnie: youd cling to life long enough to write a pathetic song about it

Joe: that’s the nicest thing you’ve said

Joe: which is saying something ‘cos you’re so sweet, like

Ronnie: youre welcome

Joe: I’ll do a Dylan style ballad about all your 👼🏼 deeds

Ronnie: thats the biggest turn off out of everything youve ever said or done

Joe: thank god, you’re insatiable 😏

Ronnie: once you said

Joe: not for my benefit

Ronnie: its all only for your benefit remember

Joe: if that were true you’d still be here

Ronnie: if it was true i could be

Joe: come back

Ronnie: cant ive got a face tat to get done

Joe: I understand

Joe: my art isn’t there yet

Joe: won’t ruin your beauty

Ronnie: go ed and chuck yourself off a bridge you dont have to wait for me to boot your door in & do you in for chatting shit

Joe: well I am already devvo I’m not a prodigy so yeah, add lack of a steady hand to the list of failures

Joe: probably the meds

Joe: you know being poetic is all I do, why have we downgraded it to chatting shit 💔

Ronnie: why are you calling me beautiful when you could write it in your suicide note for your ma theres your downgrade

Joe: you’re too romantic for your own good

Joe: I wouldn’t be writing a note, sorry to dash your illusions

Ronnie: not me saying i get you mckenna thats your delusion

Ronnie: what are you gonna draw on me then

Joe: you do but it’s more fun to take the piss and pretend you don’t so

Joe: That is the question

Joe: won’t brand you, don’t worry

Ronnie: if i dont want it ill cut it out no pressure

Joe: it’s just skin right

Ronnie: yeah

Joe: how olds your oldest scar

Ronnie: older than you

Joe: what did you do

Ronnie: i used to take headbanging literally

Joe: ah, the floor never saw you coming, yeah

Joe: I have a head scar too [cos he either does or did on the stalker show idk but there we go with a photo like she probably knows hun]

Ronnie: [I just imagine her smiling to herself like yeah I know nerd]

Ronnie: cant both be poets had to express myself somehow before i pushed a safety pin through my cheek

Joe: that explains the permanent 😾

Joe: fucked the muscles, like

Ronnie: your shit jokes do

Joe: it was always easier to just start fights to get hurt

Joe: when I was a kid

Joe: though you work out ways to be sneaky fast, if you have to

Ronnie: they didnt wanna fight me

Joe: everyday sexism strikes again

Ronnie: fuck off not cos im a girl

Joe: why then

Ronnie: wouldnt be me getting hurt and if i was i didnt care

Ronnie: all those mental problems you told that call centre cunt about like

Joe: ‘course you were too proud to make it count

Joe: have to let them get some punches in or there was no point, yeah

Ronnie: no point in fitz flouncing in either fun though

Joe: true

Joe: I’ve got a brother and all, I remember what it’s like

Ronnie: scraps never went far enough

Joe: yeah

Joe: most kids aren’t that psycho

Ronnie: 💔

Joe: being misunderstood served me so well for the whole musician thing so whatever, I guess

Ronnie: i mightve bothered keeping some of my bastards about if they were guaranteed nutters thatd serve you well

Joe: you’d get your own room then, like

Joe: even if you had to pack them to the rafters

Ronnie: for a stalker youre dead concerned about my privacy

Joe: nah, ‘course not

Joe: I’d rather have a place to do the gear without the possibility of Soph or Charlie 🥺ing at us obvs, nothing but selfishness

Ronnie: theres loads of places

Joe: you can show me

Ronnie: is she there now she can let me in

Joe: no idea

Joe: their room is near the door, makes sense they’d be your first victims

Ronnie: youre too selfish to get off your arse and do it

Joe: if you’re coming I’ll carry you in myself, you know that

Ronnie: ill be there and youll still be going on about what youre gonna do

Ronnie: no wonder the other kids kept smacking you

Joe: yeah, all mouth me, deffo what I was known for

Joe: not a euphemism and I don’t think they were wishing it was but who knows

Ronnie: you sure you dont want charlie giving you the eye

Ronnie: how it sounds

Joe: I’m alright, tah

Joe: pretty sure he’s over it now I’m enabling you

Ronnie: hes over everything thats not horse girls from kent but reckons the fucking lost causes are us

Joe: He clearly just gives a shit about appearances

Joe: looking nice, polite

Joe: they’ll never speak again, like

Ronnie: forget him

Ronnie: open the door

Joe: [do that boy]

Ronnie: [boop his little head scar as you come in like oh there it is]

Joe: [‘s’not even a good story’ and producing some takeaway moment from the kitchen as you go through ‘cos the dinner party was not heavy on the dinner bit]

Ronnie: [a look like ffs because people caring in any way ew no but we are gonna eat it because probably haven't since that Margate moment]

Joe: [shrugging like bitch I’m hungry as we tuck in, obviously]

Ronnie: [kick him while you've still got your big boots on but playfully not aggressively]

Joe: [😏 but in a more genuine way than that cocky face looks, I am vibing Chinese not that that matters but there we go]

Ronnie: [weirdly I also thought that maybe because it's one of the grossest haha but yeah eat your food lads]

Joe: [greasy greasy goodness, love the subtle shade if any of them come out for a cuppa or whatever like oh hello again lol]

Ronnie: [I hope it's oblivious Marc just living his life]

Joe: [that’d be most amusing, unbothered, casually]

Ronnie: [I just imagine them doing stuff to try and make him notice like when people stack stuff on a sleeping person but idk what you could do in that little kitchen]

Joe: [for sure, just being subtly annoying/weird and he is just like does not compute ‘cos we mind our own business, so childish]

Ronnie: [love that for you two]

Joe: [we stan the regression for you]

[whence-the-woody]

Finale commentary under the cut

So I wanted to kind of liveblog as I was watching but held back so these are my remembered reactions/second watch reactions

Bummed there was no song recap but quickly figured itd play at the end

PUPPY. Best part of the ep, lbr, Dean was so cute with him

Theyre really doing a cheesey life montage huh - still not clear whether monsters are a thing in this new world?

I was watching the mins tick by during this first montage like OKAY we get it, cheesey happy home life, move along. There was only 40 mins left of the whole show like get on with it, it went way too long 

We definately needed to restablished that Sam is neat while Dean is messy. Totally necessary to spend time on that. Also didnt Dean get houseproud when they moved into the bunker?? What happened to that?

OMG get on with it

Then becomes apparent that hunting is still a thing. Which if so what was the point of showing then doing fucking laundry and dishes while “Ordinary life” plays - if its not just an ordinary life?

At this point i thought it might go the route of them being listless without hunting as a job but then murder scene so I guess not

This whole pie sequence is stupid and a waste of time, we all know it

Dean being a cold, heartless bitch about everyone being dead. Aces. Not unexpected but still just great. How dare you be so happy about pie fuck you dude. 

DOES ANYONE REMEMBER EILEEN

Pie is the face is not funny my dudes come the fuck on

I started skipping through during the murder scene. I was bored. Like, I dont care about tension building to the murder of a family we dont fucking know. Ive always skipped these scenes, what is the damn point. Its not scary or interesting. 

GET ON WITH IT

Same old FBI bullshit. Nice to see the journal again I guess. But like, this is STILL what we’re doing? In the very last ep? Same old, different day, just like 15 years ago. Really?

Singer and Kripke. Subtle. 

I skipped through the interrogation too. I dont find the scary brother act cool or entertaining 

15 mins in and nothing has happened

Theyre trying so hard to give Dean jokes and nothing is landing, its so cringe just stop

The way the little clown faces pop up - if that supposed to be scary? Really? Its all just so silly rn

Watching it again I realise just how easy this hunt is. The answer is in the journal. They find the exact family. They find the exact barn. The kids are just stood in a cupboard. This is what takes Dean out, really? Its not even a normal hunt, its a way too fucking easy one. 

I do not remember this chick or what ep she was in, maybe theres some parallell or foreshadowing by bringing her back but if there is I dont get it

Bottom line if youre gonna bring people back WHY THE FUCK THIS RANDOM GIRL

I knew so fast he was gonna go out like that. Hanging from a fucking nail

I kept saying out loud not like this, no way, this is so stupid, its so stupid omg

I paused and tried to talk myself into putting aside how stupid and awkward it was for him to be doing this scene hanging off a pole and just try to invest in the emotion of the speech. Which I achieved at times

but why was is so awkward tho?? Just the way hes stood pressed against it is fucking weird. Also 1000% Sam couldve gotten help and he wouldve been FINE. It took so long for them to talk, an ambulance couldve been there before they were done, there was no need for this

Okay the speech did make me cry once I pep talked myself into being invested. The reference to being scared Sam would reject him, the I love you so much, Sam saying dont leave me, the stay with me and tell me its okay - all those moments got me and I did cry. I appreciated the family business line. I liked Jensen telling Jared he always keeps fighting, that was a nice reference. 

BUT there were also those moments that made me scoff, roll my eyes or laugh. The whole “always you and me” bullshit especially. The second I knew he was going to say I’ll be in your heart I yelled at them to no do it, I hate that cheesey move, then literally was like “oh my god, he did it”. It WAS NOT always going to end like this - so much of the last 15 years was proving him wrong about that. This is all just so wrong, it is not good. 

Jensen and Jared did a good job with what they were given in this scene but my god

The audacity of the Cas erasure- always you and me. FUCK YOU. 

I laughed out loud when his last shot was a One Perfect Tear. I was literally like “Oh wow they did that”

DEAN DESERVED A BETTER DEATH

It also kinda loses all impact when you see him like 2 mins later

MIRACLE IS THE REAL MVP ILY

Theyre really doing another montage. Really. Like we get it, hes sad, we didnt need the toast to understand that

Omg Miracle by his side. The best of bois. 

Looking around his room like beer and guns was all dean was. Sure. Aces. 

I choose to believe Bon Jovi was a ref to before Dean went to hell

If Donna is back why isnt anyone else?!?

Oh Jared you look so old bby. Go home. He looks older there then later in the ridiculous make up

Why is that shot made to look like hes leaving the bunker forever?? Like that makes no sense

Bobby greeting him is nice and all BUT IT SHOULDVE BEEN CAS

Also they are 1000% doing the show don’t tell by having Bobby just sit and explain everything. SO FUCKING LAZY

Cas has been out of the empty, helping rebuild heaven. Okay, fine. Even Dean’s reaction to hearing that was fine. BUT YOU ASK WHERE YOUR FUCKING BEST FRIEND IS AND GO SEE HIM. WHO IS THIS VERSION OF DEAN WTF

I know people are upset Cas is back working in heaven but I dont think its anything like before. It sounds like he helped fixed things then got his own heaven. Also he’s God’s Dad, hes not serving God, hes teaching him. I know human Cas done right is what we wanted but I dont hate this for him. BUT WE SHOULD HAVE FUCKING SEEN IT. 

Why is a memory of being a kid with his Dad what Dean is reminiscing on. They have literally reverted him back to s1. There are so many memories dean should be thinking about in fucking heaven

Hes going for a drive

Hes going for a motherfucking drive

In the car he was just in

WHY THE FUCK IS HE ACTING LIKE HE HASNT SEEN BABY IN YEARS WHAT IS THIS SHIT

Hes going to drive around doing nothing until Sam gets there are you fucking kidding me. Not going to see any of his family from the last 15 years, just driving. Absolute horseshit. 

This is the moment where you realise that this episode has changed NOTHING. This is the same ending as the last ep except theyre in heaven not on earth

ITS THE EXACT SAME FUCKING THING

Okay so they skip over how Sam went from going on a hunt to walking with a toddler. OMG how unsubtle that they have literally just labelled the child Dean in big yellow letters. I couldnt help but laugh, how fucking stupid. 

I did get a bit teary when the music started I’ll be honest. But mostly through the whole montage (ANOTHER ONE) I was saying to myself This is so fucking stupid. omg this is dumb, what the fuck is this, so stupid.

They literally did a montage so long they had to play the song twice. Im just done at this point wow. 

The old man make up is so bad I just laughed. The only pictures being of the 4 of them, reinforcing the Winchester only bullshit, great. Not even pics of this new random family Sam’s got. The painfully cliche Dad moments for Sam, again so bad its funny. Omg the hand on the head of this random kid, this is so ridiculous. Old man sam in his bad wig trying so hard to move like hes old and crying in the impala. Wtf is happening, this is SO STUPID 

I thought theyd cast a more attractive son I’ll be honest. So he has the tattoo - are they a hunting family? Because that would go against both s1 Sam they’ve tried to go back to and the s15 Sam they build up to for all those years

I know they were going for an emotional parallel with that “you can go now” but this random man saying it to Sam in that make up, with the music cue lined up right there - its just funny coz its so dumb im sorry

I cant believe they actually played another different version, I’ll never get over that

Theres alot of things I’ll never get over

Is this bridge supposed to mean something? They shouldve picked a setting that meant something

I know theyre trying so hard to make Dean look happy and peaceful to convince us its a good ending but sis no

I laughed out loud when Dean turned around - WHAT IS THAT OUTFIT SAM?

Really, they have nothing to say? No questions, no convo? They just have cheesey smiles and look over the water? This is so wrapped up in a fucking bow trying to force us to feel good my god

The cut almost immediately to them talking to the camera, still in character getup, was so cringe I yelled and turned it off

And they pan out to literally none of the people we want to see . Great, Good. 

LITERALLY WHAT WAS THE POINT 

[rustyparker]

Relationship building - All of "em for Sofia ;)

Send ⭐️ (or multiple) for a headcanon about our muses. 

I have a headcanon where she chooses the titles for all of his songs. 

Send ☎ for your muse’s info in my muses phone (name, ringtone, picture, last text received/sent). 

Name: Wifey 😍 Ringtone: In Your Eyes - The Weeknd Picture: 

Last texts sent: 'hey tiny you left your underwear in my room...im keeping it’

Send 🎼 for a song that reminds me of our muses. 

Save Your Tears - The Weeknd (YES it’s another Weeknd song he just has a LOT of songs that fit them ok)

Send 👋 for three things that describe our muses relationship. 

Having bad parents, tons of sex, endless drama.

Send 👂 to overhear my muse talking about yours. 

“I think she’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me man, like I feel high when I’m with her. Well...I mean I’m high, but it’s not just the drugs, y’know? It’s her.”

Send 😍 for my muse to tell yours three things they love about them. 

“Her face, her boobs and her ass. I mean...have you seen her? Oh, you’re talking personality wise...she’s got a lot of that, yeah. She’s a sweet girl, y’know. Will do anything for people. She’s like the opposite of selfish. Very cute too, when she smiles. She has a cute laugh, I love that. And she’s a good mother, prolly the best mom I’ve seen. And- man shut up, I’m not finished! Fuck your three thing rule! She makes bomb ass pancakes, and she’s got good taste in music. She can dance, she’s a great teacher...” *rambles on for about an hour while the interviewer quietly regrets asking the question*

Send 💤 for my muse to say something about yours in their sleep. 

“C’mon baby...just lemme videotape it...I won’t show nobody...I just wanna look at it later...”

Send 📖 for my muse to read out an entry in their journal/diary about yours. 

I don’t like journals but the therapist at the rehab center told me it was good to keep track of my thoughts, thanks Larry, you fucking clown, what if I got nothin to write about? 

I guess I do have one thing to write about, my girlfriend still doesn’t wanna come visit and it sucks, I hate that I did this to her, and I hate that if somebody handed me a pipe right now, I’d prolly do it again. That’s why I’m in here, even tho we’re about to have a baby, I can’t stop hurting her or myself, it’s like something takes over me, feels like there’s somethin wrong with my brain. 

Her aunt does visit me and she said that Sof loves me too much and that’s why she can’t come. That is some bullshit!! How you gonna say you love me but you can’t come see me?? She’s pregnant now too, so I know she needs me to be there, I think she’s doing this to punish me, it’s working I guess, I’m pretty fuckin miserable.

Send ✉ for a written letter from my muse. 

Hey tiny,

My therapist said to write you a letter but I should let him read it before I send it to you. I want to say I’m sorry for getting so angry when you left the facilite facility, I shouldn’t have cussed at you and stuff, I was in a dark place and I took it out on you, but I’m doing a lot better but I’m working on things now and they’re helping me with my anger issues and stuff my addiction. I hate being in here I wanna come home to you and do better, for the baby, to not use drugs as much not use drugs at all anymore to get sober. You should come I want you to come I would love if you came to visit, will you think about it?? And maybe answer the phone, you don’t even have to talk if you don’t want, I will just talk to you and the baby. Miss you both

- Russ

Send📱for a voicemail my muse left yours.

“Are you fucking serious? Voicemail again, really Sofia? Fuck you, you know. I’m trying here. You can take a fucking phone call. You think I’m gonna get better with you ignoring me? It’s been three weeks since we talked, I got shit to say! You don’t even wanna talk to me?! You just gonna ignore me the whole time I’m here?!”

Send 🌀 for my muse���s reaction to getting stuck in a storm with yours. 

*covers her from the rain with his body because he has no umbrella*

Send 🍺 for my muses drunk reaction around yours. 

“Baby...you’re the most hottest babe I’ve ever seen...and I wanna look at you for hours. Matter a’fact, c’mere-” He reached out and grabbed her wrist, pulling his scantily clad girlfriend into his lap. “I wanna touch you for hours too”, he husked in her ear, running both of his large hands down her breasts and untying the little knot that was holding the front of her blouse together.   

Send 💰 for your muse to ask mine for money. 

Pre-fame Russ: “Sorry babe, I’m broke too.”

Post-fame Russ: “Sure, here’s $1000.”

Send ✔️ for a daydream my muse has had about/involving yours.

After struggling to come up with a chorus for his latest song for about an hour, Russ finally put aside his guitar out of frustration. Seeing no other solution than to take a break, he lit up a blunt and leaned back comfortably on the sunken couch in his apartment. He closed his eyes for a moment, letting himself drift away into daytime fantasies. Fantasies of a big, shiny stage with red curtains. He was usually the one up there, but tonight he was watching the show. As the curtains rose, Sofia entered the stage like a true star, clad in a shiny, glittering outfit that showed off every delicious curve on her body. She exuded confidence as she strutted across the stage, perhaps more confidence than even the real Sofia possessed, and he could not take his eyes off this electrifying version of her. As she did her flawless dance routine, clothes were magically flying off her body and she was left wearing nothing but a pair of red high heels. The spotlight followed her every move as she descended the steps from the podium and entered the crowd of one. It was just him, the show was for his eyes only. Just as she was about to finish her routine by giving him a lapdance, his daydream was interrupted by his phone buzzing. “Goddammit”, he cursed under his breath as his eyes shot open and he was back in his room. Back in reality. 

Send 👀 for my muse to compliment yours

“Sof, babe, you’re really skinny.”

Send 💋 for how my muse would seduce/flirt with yours. 

Give her lots of attention, mostly. He knows she likes that the most. Gifts too, and songs, but most importantly attention.

Send 😙 for my muse’s reaction to yours being super affectionate. 

Depends on which time. In the beginning it doesn’t make sense to him, but then when they’re dating and further along in the relationship, it feels more natural and enjoyable. 

Send 🍵 and my muse will reveal one of their biggest regrets involving yours.

“Lying. I lied a lot to her, I guess. I regret that, yeah.”

 Send 😶 and my muse will confess to something they wish they didn’t do that affected your muse.

“I guess I cheated on her. I mean...I barely remember it ‘cause I was fucked up, but...I guess she was real sad about that. So...yeah, if I could take it back I would do it.”

[akechicrimes]

yeah alright

i’m reading the book called “the dark fantastic” written by a Fandom Old who later became a professor and academic scholar, talking about the ways that fandom outrage over the death of black female characters is a form of protest for justice in our literature. and how people get so fucking mad over these things because, you know, we deserve more. we deserve better rep.

and like, i was thinking today, you know, there’s a strong argument that yosuke was emotionally too raw to go into a relationship after losing saki (that’s a real fucking thing that a good friend explained to me as the reason why his date route was cancelled), and that yosuke wasn’t comfortable to come out as bi just then at that point in his life. which is fucking rich, considering that persona 4 is all about accepting one’s true self, and the way that argument goes, it lines up yosuke as someone who ultimately never did accept his true self.

and i was also thinking today like, akechi’s s link and plotline in royal is so plot dependent that it’s difficult to have a point where you can choose to date him. his rank 9 and 10 are spent in the engine room. before then, he’s got his hands tied with shido, and any relationship he entered into at that point would have been dishonest. so from then on there’s really no good available spots to select to date him.

but then i was also thinking about the intimacy of the cafe scene, where he purposefully requests to be alone with you and you’re talking about something so difficult, and it’s like. that would have been the obvious choice. there’s a reason why there’s 1000 fanfics already with the scenario of shuake first kiss on the last night they’ll have together. plus royal’s entire theme was about the sadness of loss and the embrace of freedom even if it’s painful, and i was like. literally it would have taken you three more lines of dialogue.

akechi’s like, well if there’s nothing left, i’ll be going. akira asks him to stay. akechi says don’t be ridiculous. akira has the little thought bubble of “i better choose my words carefully.” akira has the choice to either let him go or propose for akechi to stay a little while longer. akechi tells him if he knows what he’s getting in to, if he’s prepared his heart for this sort of decision. akira says he has. fade to black “you spent a long time with akechi.” 

boom. it’s right there.

i’ve been thinking a lot about how to some extent, i enjoy relationships that are queercoded or even queerbait MORE than i enjoy relationships that are explicitly queer, because i find that relationships that are written to be queercoded tend to embrace the full humanity of both characters. i find that more often than not, literature that’s made for the purpose of being queer ends up with “love simon” syndrome, where everything about the character winds up revolving around them being gay. which isn’t what i want. i want characters who are full human beings with real character arcs about them finding their way in the world as a complex individual, and they are gay. and for that reason, yosuke hanamura was a fucking gift, because he was written to be a complex character with a character arc revolving around his cynicism and difficulties with other people, a character you can befriend and grow closer to, and also he’s bi. and i like akechi for a lot of the same reasons.

but i was also thinking, you know, if i like queercoded and queerbaited relationships more than explicitly queer relationships because of the full humanity it affords queercoded characters, WHY CAN’T I JUST HAVE NARRATIVES WHERE I HAVE EXPLICITLY QUEER CHARACTERS THAT ARE GIVEN THEIR FULL HUMANITY.

WHY’S IT GOT TO BE EITHER OR.

IT COULD BE BOTH AND.

in some better world i could play a fun JRPG with a wild conceit about people’s cognitions warping in jungian fashion and summoning parts of their souls to fight demons and have it contain explicitly queer characters. in some better i don’t have to choose the fun JRPG or milquetoast bullshit like love simon. and in some better world i don’t have to buckle down so hard on death of the author just to extract decent representation from a liberatory queer reading of the source text, and i don’t have to pretend i’m not fucking salty about shuake being so heavily implied and then never made explicit.

because it was!!!! it is!!!!! people saying that it wasn’t implied are fucking blind!!!! and for that matter, akira can canonically date his own TEACHER for WAY flimsier narrative reasons!!!!!! you can basically date every single woman in that game except for your narrative-locked lawyer and the twelve-year-old girls!!!!!!

shuake was written as a romance, a seduction in which both sides attempt to sway the other to their own, and then it was never paid off as one. it’s the fucking textbook definition of queerbait in its original definition, in which queerbait is a narrative plotline that’s intentionally loaded with homoerotic tension for a queer audience to read into and get invested in, only for that plotline to never pan out to appease straight audiences. it’s not revolutionary on atlus’s part to have implied shuake so heavily and then pulled out. it’s what people have been doing since modern media began. 

there was literally no good goddamn reason for it to not have been paid off except to appease straight audiences--you don’t even need to heavily restructure the plot--the cafe scene is right fucking there.

im going to stop being bitter in like, two seconds. i promise. (except also i’ve been fucking bitter about yosuke hanamura, and also everyone who tried to tell me that phoenix/miles was not a thing in ace attorney, literally ever since i was fifteen. to have your entire forum gang up on you and tell you that you’re “reading too much into it” and just have “shipper goggles” when yosuke being undateable was a fucking crime to his narrative plot and self-actualization? when you’re fifteen and queer and not sure if you’re queer and every single person you trust tells you that you’re being stupid? FUCK that shit. and i cannot believe it’s happening again. it makes me want to fucking spit.) 

ok. 

ok. 

i’m going to stop being bitter.

but i had to get that off my chest. 

[hermanosreyes]

tranq taking care of you would include ...

a/n: if there is anything that i would fight everyone about it is the fact that tranq is my literal father??? i just need him to protect and hold me therefore this is just gonna be some bullshit about tranq taking care of you, and being protective and being worried and ugh kill me pls 

hello everyone so tranq is my literal father and let me tell you about how wonderful he would fucking be 

tranq is the protector of the mc and i really don’t see him stepping out of that role when it comes to you

if anything, he comes into his own and fucking lives and breaths protecting you

okay just to begin constant eyes on you ?

when you are with him, he is constantly looking over at you just to make sure you’re safe

if anyone comes within arms reach of you, it turns to his eyes tracking this other person ready to stand up if anything happens because he usually only needs to stand up to get someone to back the fuck 

but sorry he has and would 1000% would put his body between you and literally anything

just him pushing himself in front of you to shield you with his body and just make sure nothing can touch you 

this goes for actual threats or anything really 

like steps in front of a bullet??? for sure. steps in front of angel when he’s saying something stupid??? you bet 

he is very much the person to have his arm wrapped around you because it’s casual and not super pda but also be can push you behind you if needed 

he’d check in all the time with you 

let’s say you’re at the clubhouse and you’re not sitting with him he’d walk over to you every once in a while and ask if you if everything is okay in like a private little whisper probably as he kisses your head

but also looking down at you and searching your eyes to like read you and make sure you are okay 

if you’re not with him, he’s calling you/texting whenever he can just to pop in and remind you that even if he is busy you’re still his everything

hear me out: walking through a crowd

his hands on one of your shoulders or like hands on your back to just gently guide you in the crowd and be as close to you as possible

but also tranq being your full back and would plow through a crowd for you 

you awkwardly trying to squeeze through a crowd before tranq gets ahead of you and pushed through this crowd to clear a path for you 

get this: if anyone bumps into you or just like walks into you god forbid 

im imagining like some guy just plowing his shoulder into you and not saying anything and tranq shuts down this shit immediately 

grabbing them by the shoulder and being like “you just bumped into her, i suggest you fucking apologize 

but also him being big on lowkey expressions of being worried about you 

him walking on the street side of the sidewalk, just in case 

him gently shaking you awake if he notices that you are having a nightmare 

if you’re sleeping at the clubhouse, he’s quieting everyone down to make sure you’re able to get some sleep in 

if you’re sick he’s like bringing every box of medicine from th store

him completely willing to go get you stuff at like 3 am

making sure that your house is like protected with a security system just in fucking cases

making sure your car is up to date with like repairs and maintence just in case

giving you rides whenever he can because then he knows you’ll be safe 

hear me out: forehead kisses like bringing you in by placing his arms on the back of your neck and pulling you against him

giving people dirty looks when they even look at you he wrong way, like honestly as much as he wants to protect you physically he’s also not gonna let anyone make you feel bad

but if someone does fucking dare to touch you or like say something questionable to you good fucking luck to them

brawler tranq is coming out to handle some motherfucking business

him reassuring you that you can call him whenever you need him like whether it be 2 in the afternoon or 2 in the morning he is going to be there

im just imaging he’s very much the person who is like “you should know how to do it, but you should never have to”

he would make sure you’d know how to defend yourself even though you shouldn’t have to because he’s there for that

you make sure you know how to change your tire but he’s gonna be there to do it for you 

and so much more

[samuel-dean]

Options?

INVOLVED: Samuel Evans and Mercedes Jones. LOCATION: Evans’ Estate; Atlanta, Georgia. TIME FRAME: Thursday, April 9th, 2020. NOTES: Mercedes comes home to a monstrous Samuel.

Mercedes looked up from the article as she entered the mansion and sighed, folding the newspaper in half. Her frown deepened when her ears were assaulted by a cacophony of different voices blathering on at different points in the same story. All about one man. Samuel.  “Damn it.” She breathed, handing the paper over to the butler. “He must have every television on in the house. Turn them all off.” She breathed, unbuttoning her jacket. “Where’s Samuel?” She asked, instinctively looking to the office. The butler stood stark still looking down at Mercedes. He cleared his throat, then with a voice still shaky, he inclined his head towards the living area. “He is just in there, ma’am. But ma’am, I don’t think it would be wise to turn off the televisions.”  Mercedes was already moving away in the direction indicated. “Do it now!” She snapped without looking back. “It’s not helping anything.”

 Samuel ran his hand down the length of his beard as he paced back and forth against the living room flooring. He stopped short listening intensely now, they were calling him all kinds of things he was not. He was a good guy and he had all intentions of making things right when he reached the office. Patty hadn’t gotten back with him yet, which only infuriated him more. He shook his head as he began to pace once more this time with his large arms folded over his chest. “Bullshit” he replied back to the CNN anchor. They were going on and on about marine life and what this happened to be doing to our oceans. That was fine, he got the need for animal life to be made important, but this spill was screwing with far greater things, not to mention the fire was still not contained. And the money that was being lost, he couldn’t keep up with the numbers now. 

 Mercedes stopped in the archway of the living room and watched as Samuel paced back and forth. This was a part of his business she didn’t understand. How did you fix a natural disaster and save your company's reputation and your own reputation for that matter? She flinched as he shouted at the news anchor. Unfortunately, the CNN correspondence’s ridicule of Samuel’s character didn’t end with the man’s outburst. Twisting her fingers, she moved into the space, “Samuel?” she said quietly. Looking around for the remote. “I heard what happened...  What do we do?” She asked, taking the remote from the table she turned off the TV and looked up to him expectantly.  

 Samuel continued to pace back and forth with a shake of his head, and he stood standing in the middle of the floor. He heard Mercedes' voice, but he didn’t respond to her instead glared at the tv as his chest rose and hell rapidly. “Unbelievable” he said before she turned the tv off he turned around and looked at her, animalistic eyes glaring in her direction. He turned back around, continuing his pace around the room and he exhaled slowly before he roughly shoved some overly expensive decorative decor he’d hated to the ground “I don’t know” he said in a loud booming voice. “All the shit I’ve ever done for people has just been forgotten in a fucking instance over a mistake I didn’t make!” he yelled bitterly. “All the charities, all the orphanages” he listed. “A bastard who told Americans to grab women by their pussy” he said ragging “has the nerve to get on national fucking television and crucify ME” he said in a beastly appearance. 

 Mercedes swallowed a hard lump in her throat, and took an involuntary step away from Samuel as his murderous eyes took her in. She bit her lip, grimacing in abstract horror as $100,000 Tiffany vases were being slung about, to smash against the floor. Damn, damn, she thought biting her knuckle. She took in a deep breath, and held out her hands, "You're right." She breathed, gathering only enough courage to regain the step she'd lost. "He's using you to gain some brownie points. It's an election year." She reasoned, keeping her tone soft and low.  "Baby, have you spoken with your publicist and the lawyers?" she was kicking her own ass mentally. She'd been so wrapped up in her own business affairs, she had even attempted to help him find a new assistant. 

 Samuel looked away from her as she spoke and he moved over to the other side of the room, looking out the window and he gripped the window seal tightly. He inhaled and exhaled slowly, “fuck that damn election” he said lowly. At her question he said nothing for a very long time before he said “I need to get to Texas and fast” he responded. “I have to get to the headquarters,” he admitted easily. Every word he said came out in a bite. He sighed heavily before he turned back to her, eyes flashing, fire behind them. “The board wants me to speak publicly, hash this shit out and beg the fucking public to reprieve me” he said as balled his fist walking around the room slowly.  “That’s only fucking payback for what I did to my parents, I know those old bastards like the back of my fucking hand” he said. “Anyone else would’ve released a written statement” he told her. “Should’ve called my fucking father” he said gripping his forehead with his hand “fuck” he said he breathed to himself as he paced. 

 Mercedes did her best to read him. She needed to calm him down, at least a little anyway. But much like a hurricane, he needed to blow himself out. She rounded the couch, feet crunching on $1000 bits of glass, but still gave him space to process. His statement was comical, but there was no room to laugh and she knew it. Instead she shook her head, agreeing with the hulking man. "Texas?" she repeated, shaking her head. "Alright..." she answered, reaching into her pocket for her phone. "I should call the airfield and tell them to get the jet ready." She said making a mental list. "I'll start packing your things immediately."  She looked up from her phone, frowning. It was beyond reason they’d want some kind of public statement, “They would…” She said slowly, unfamiliar with the interworking of his company. “They haven’t released any kind of statement yet?” That was unsettling. They were leaving him out on the limb to roast in the fire of public opinion that was never a good thing. “If you feel like you need his advice Samuel. Call him.”

 Samuel’s phone buzzed and he looked at the coffee table, picking the phone up he read the message before tucking it away into his pocket. “The airline is covered”, he said quickly “my things?” he questioned with a raised brow. “You own the company they are expecting you too, Mrs. Fifty-Percent” he said as he rounded her again. “I can’t call my dad, since when did we associate with them?” he asked her, confused. He stopped in front of her for a moment before he pressed forward pacing again. “They are hanging me Mercedes, what part of that are you not understanding?” he asked her, still on edge. He moved before the tv, he needed to hear what else they were saying it was killing him not to. He finally knew exactly how he felt when his mother slandered her across the pages. The only thing is, he had no one to fight his battles for him. Lucky her, he thought as he looked over his shoulder, with a head shake he said, “I need a drink”. 

 "Good." Mercedes nodded, removing flight from her list and adjusting the notes she was typing out on her iPhone. Looked up, her hair flipping back wildly, "They expect me to...make a statement?" She sat down hard on the sofa and looked up at him blankly. She sighed dumbfounded and after a moment began rubbing her fingers over the growing headache that started in her temples. "You're right. I'm sorry.” The apology was soft in a mournful way. “You brought him up and I don't know. I thought you might want his counsel." She let his next statement hang in the air, then pushed up from the couch, and bit down on her lip to fight the urge to snap at the man. "Okay." She said, in a matter of fact tone. "So, our options are to come up with a fix, I expect your teams are already working on? And prepare a statement. Do we have a choice, can we just release a statement? Or must we go on live television? I heard what you said, but do we have any choice in the matter?” 

 “Of course, they don’t expect you to get up there and speak for the masses” Samuel said, is she nuts people didn’t like the idea of them being an item or her having the fifty percent, she did in the first place. “But they feel you being there shows that you have some care in all of this, after all the majority think you just ride on the coat tail of the Exxonmobil corporation name for money sake” he told her, he didn’t deny when they argued. She had done anything with her title since she got it. But she also didn’t ask for it. Hmph. He’d have to use that argument smugly when they brought it up again. “I do need counsel and here you are” he said looking at her again, this time he softened with his words. He sighed, drained now that all the adrenaline in his body dissipated and he dropped down beside her. “I’ve been ignoring phone calls all morning, I just want to hear what they are saying,” he said. “I do know they are investigating it,” he said to her. “I can’t afford this right now” he said desperately as he leaned back resting his head on the back of the couch. 

 "Mhm..." Mercedes said, fighting with all her might to keep her rising attitude at bay. When she raised the same argument about what people's perception of her were, he nearly took her head off at the mere thought of it. It seems he knew all too well what she'd been speaking about after all. She sighed, sitting again. "I'd have gone anyway. I don't want you up there alone, Samuel. I just misunderstood your meaning." She shook her head, “I don’t think I’m equipped to offer you anything but moral support. I know we have to answer the phone. I also know we need to get in front of the cameras, if that’s the only option. And I do mean immediately. They may be trying to screw you, but they are also screwing over the company. Every second delay is another stock gone.”  Mercedes turned to Samuel as he leaned back, she placed her hand on his thigh and began rubbing her hand back and forth. “I know…  I know... We don’t need their spin on the situation, we need the truth. I suppose we’ll get that in Texas.”  

 “You are a businesswoman” Samuel said to her factually, he sighed heavily as he shook his head at her. “You spend all that time with whatever you are doing with Titus and aren’t going to bounce anything off with me?” he asked her, gazing at her in disbelief. “Right...” he said as he dropped his head back down against the couch. “I cheated the system, I got you to sign those damn documents. I screwed my dad and my mother… people fight fire with fire” he said as he gazed at the ceiling. “Not to mention I had to double back and cut the payout of many people to be able to even ride that big ass lie I told into the sunset” he said again resting his hand on his forehead. He grabbed her hand as he ran up and down his thigh, he held it in his before he leaned up and looked at her. “I’m sorry for my temper” he told her “and for those” he pointed to the ground and broken pieces. “And for raising my voice, yelling at you. This is not your fault” he told her guilty as he leaned in and kissed her lips gently, calming down more. He pulled back and looked into her eyes. 

 Mercedes shook her head from side to side somberly. He was mad and it was starting to feel more and more like he wanted to start a fight with her. She looked down at her shoes, as her stomach began to churn with additional worries. “True Samuel… What? Do you think all this was intentional or opportunistic on their part? Even if your parents still had their stakes in the company, something like this could have happened. Yes, it’s worse because they are making you shoulder the weight of this alone. We should have known there would be consequences.” She sighed and went to tell the lie some many others would, it would be okay. But couldn’t form the words. His fingers took hers and he held them, stilling her motion. She turned towards him once again, hopefully successful in masking some of her own personal worry. She didn’t need to add anything to the stress he was currently under. Her fingers smoothed over his cheek as he kissed her. Head shaking, “I’m sorry this is happening Samuel. So sorry.” She uttered, before he kissed her again. Looking at him, she found true words, “Don’t worry about me. I told I don’t break…  I’m here Samuel... Whatever you need.” 

“I don’t know” Samuel replied back to Mercedes easily as she spoke sorting out her own thoughts in regard to the situation. She apologized to him though she had no reason to do so honestly, it wasn’t her fault, or anyone’s really it was an accident. At her words he smirked at her at her nodding his head and he said “I know” truthfully to her. “I should get some things packed, the airline is waiting” he told her as he moved to get up, dropping her hand as he did. He moved around the mess, two timid ladies moving into the space to clean up the mess he had made behind him knowingly.

[jewpacabruhs]

hi guys! so this post is gonna be a rambly mess but fuck it, here ya go. if u dont wanna read all of it, u dont have to; skip down to underneath the tl;dr in bold text for the important bits :)

(there’s a brief & non-graphic mention of a triggering topic in the next paragraph. please be sure to skip this next paragraph if the thought of suicide is going to upset you.)

alright. so i didn't share this originally, but i spent some time in a psychiatric unit this month. suicidality related. 1000% unrelated from anything online, i've just struggled with depression for a very long time & shit happens. i didn't intend to share that at all & i certainly don't want pity; i'm telling u guys bc my time in the unit was extremely eye-opening, and i have some insight to share. since i've gotten out, with the help of my newest anti-depressant (fourth time’s a charm lol), i'm seeing the world in a better light & i finally have the energy to and the interest in exploring what it has to offer, which frankly i've never had before.

with that has come the realization that i’ve come to do something very unhealthy, and i want to break out of it. and that’s how much i’ve come to rely on my fandom life. i don’t want to get too candid publicly, but mental illness took a lot from me, and i lost most of my life, my future, and my options in the last few years. next year will involve a lot of working on rebuilding things. but in the time that i let things fall to pieces around me & i absolutely couldn’t get out of bed, i had a phone and i had a laptop. so when i couldn’t get up and physically face the world, i built up a new world online.

and i don’t think that’s a completely uncommon experience. most people are able to better manage things, and evenly juggle real life with an internet life (like i did back in middle school), because most people can’t abandon their real lives entirely like i managed to; but i do think a lot of people nowadays rely on their fandom life and their fandom friends when their irl situation isn’t ideal. and that’s an excellent coping mechanism in theory, but i think it’s debilitating in the long run.

forgive me for sounding like an old person, but i’m a heavy nostalgist and a bit of an anarcho-primitivist in that i resent modern technology's influence on society - but that hasn't stopped me from letting it be a big part of my life out of accessibility. the internet kept me occupied during my low points, and i became dependent, but i've realized i don't wanna live like that anymore. i’m vaguely grateful that it usually kept me busy enough that i wasn’t thinking the bad thoughts as frequently, but more than anything, i’m resentful that my grasp on reality got lost somewhere along the way, and i let time get away from me, too. because, again, an internet life should be a fun hobby, but when it’s a lifestyle and it becomes an excuse to avoid dealing with our real lives, bc our real lives aren’t as rewarding or as exciting, then it’s unhealthy.

everything’s at our fingertips these days, but i deeply believe human interaction, fun, and fulfillment shouldn't be spoon-fed to us through a screen. it's easy access, sure, but at the end of the day, is it any way to live? compared with how much world there is to see, i’m no longer satisfied with the thought of sitting behind a screen for another five years. i used to be, when i had no hope and no drive, but not anymore. i’m not gonna let myself settle for staying busy with the thing that takes the least amount of work & movement. not only because i’m a whole ass adult who needs to start sorting my shit out for the long run, but also because i deserve better.

and it’s fucking hard! especially for those of us who are neurodivergent. i dropped out of school three fucking times due to crippling social anxiety and utter lack of ambition and energy. i lost all my friends through that (making friends post-school is hard af); the thought of having to go out and remake friends makes me wanna fucking cry. i have a hard enough time making friends online, i’ve even come to struggle with correspondence thru text & email. phone calls? outta the question. but that’s therapy shit, and i know i’ll get there. i just have to stop putting life off by staying in a comfort zone.

and it’s interesting; depression and anxiety really took everything from me, and while i was dwelling in my own misery, my adhd worsened and decided to make my entire brain revolve around my fixations, so i didn’t have to deal with my own life. can’t think about how much you wanna die and how much you can’t function in society if you’re busy thinking about a ship you like or a character you find interesting. so i latched onto the safety of that. aggressively. problem with that is that once you let your “happiness” (as much of it as you can feel in the midst of your depressive episode, anyway) revolve around an interest, that’s all you have. so you become dependent and reliant, and that’s never good, especially if you’re someone like me who feels pathetic & ridiculous when you realize it’s all you can bring yourself to care about. 

and i think that’s what i realized in the psych ward (where there’s legitimately nothing to do; i did soooo much more thinking than usual, and i already think too much haha); mental illness will try to fuck up your lifestyle, so you have to eradicate the things that’ll let that happen in the first place. for example, like i said, my adhd tries to counteract my depression by making me hyperfixate and/or hyperfocus on something else to protect me from bad personal thoughts, and that’s good in theory (doing something you enjoy when you feel bad, to distract urself, is the number one most basic coping skill you learn), but i can’t do it in moderation, i let it run my life, and that’s made me worse in the long run. so i have to force myself out of that completely and not let myself fixate on things that make me happy in the short term, but don’t ultimately further me as a person. having fixations helped me through some awful times, but now i need to force myself to grow up, you know?

and while tumblr and other social media is an excellent way to indulge those fixations, it’s an aggressive enabler, in more ways than one. what i mean by that... okay, so while i’m the type of person who self-destructs while unhealthy, i do occasionally lash out. and i know some people completely explode rather than implode when they’re not doing well. and that’s how you get discourse, i think. because when mental illness makes us care much more about our interests than we ought to, and someone has a differing opinion about that interest, the instinct is of course to attack, if you’re that kind of person. i don’t think i am, but depression and boredom go hand in hand, and i might be inclined to care more about discourse than i would if i were healthy, purely because it’s entertaining and something to do. 

that’s a long winded way of saying, while i stand wholeheartedly by my past positions, i do regret starting shit in the first place. i’m not the kind of person who genuinely cares about much and i have little to no sense of morality (im a chaotic neutral bastard), so the fact i was bored enough to start shit really goes against my character and says a lot about how bad i’ve been. so i apologize for all that. but, again, i think that's just what happens when something is truly your everything. and i think the chronic negativity of modern fandom is a result of how damn seriously we all take it, because we care so much and we’re so dependent. fandom’s supposed to be fun, but it’s just too damn stressful this way.

idk my point in sharing all this, but i do think it'd be cool if this kinda got yall thinking. even if you don't engage in discourse, if fandom is just one of your only consistent sources of happiness, that's not healthy either. we all gotta break out & exist more & louder & more positively. and unfortunately i think tumblr fandom (and maybe all modern fandom) is no longer a place that encourages positivity and health.

but for all my criticism, i do just wanna say how eternally grateful i am that i was fortunate enough to meet the people i call my best friends through tumblr. they're my family, truly, and all the bullshit in this fandom has been worth it simply because it brought them to me. i love them to death and i always will, even if interests change, even if we grow apart, even if we quit speaking entirely in the next few years, i love them with my whole heart in a way that transcends a simple fandom friendship and i'm so glad we bonded over sp in the first place. that’ll never change.

i will also always love south park itself. now that the cat's outta the bag about my hospital visit, i can brag about my most pathetic and obsessive accomplishment; the fact that i've never let circumstance stop me from watching a new south park as it airs, and i've now watched sp on 1) an airplane, and 2) in a psych ward. i win for most dedicated fan tbfh. dsjkf & i'll keep that tradition, and i'll still watch this stupid show til it ends! it'll always hold a special place in my heart, & kyman's still my most meaningful & long-term ship. i'll never stop loving it. 

tl;dr

so, to recap; for 2020 i'm making myself step back from fandom (not just sp fandom, but fandom in general) and quit letting my world revolve around my fixations so i can enjoy the outside world a little more, mental illness be damned, and the first step is gonna be quitting tumblr. this blog won't be deleted and i may occasionally post (maybe when next season airs) but you're absolutely free to unfollow bc this'll be a mostly inactive blog. i’m also unfollowing everyone, so mutuals, please don’t take that personally. 

i will, however, try to write more prolifically, bc fic writing is something i'm able to do in moderation & enjoy, and i hope to get back into it. so if you'd like, you can keep an eye out for any upcoming fanfic i may post - my ao3 is leere. i also have snapchat, instagram, & twitter my mutuals can ask for asap (bc ill be logging out for good by the afternoon of the 31st, which is tomorrow) - though i'm not very active on any of them. still, if you wanna have access to me, i’ll be there.

i want some connection to the fandom still, albeit without letting my life revolve around it, so i'll be starting a new open-to-the-public kyman discord server! the post with the invite for that will go up soon. nvm im too anxious  

thank you for reading, thank you for the good times (thnks fr th mmrs), and i hope everyone has a good 2020!