#But this is all I have the brainpower for at 3 am as I write this | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

deathbxnny · 23 days ago

Note

Loved your writing of arcane characters saying things they regret during an argument. Would you be willing to do a version with Jayce, Viktor and Silco? I apologize if you don't prefer to write about these characters, you can ignore this

Arcane men saying things they'll regret during an argument. | Viktor, Jayce, Silco x Gn!Reader

Oh, I absolutely am willing to do that, Anon!! These are going to be pretty irredeemable, though, so there is not going to be a part two to this... anyways, enjoy!!<3

Content: Season 2 spoilers!!, heavy angst, hurt/no comfort, break ups, swearing, gaslighting, toxic behavior, sfw

Reader has no mentioned pronouns.

((Not proofread))

》VIKTOR

"This... isn't you anymore, Viktor. A-And I refuse to keep lying to myself like this either!" You hissed out one night, unable to keep it in any longer. You were losing your mind in this compound of his, unable to understand how seemingly no one was able to recognize how wrong everything was. People who were "healed" by him weren't the same after. They turned into robotic and uncanny husks of their old selves.

A terrifying sight that unnerved you deeply. And only you here.

The nail in the coffin was perhaps the skeptical appearance of Councilor Salo. Never in your life had you ever seen him give a damn about anyone but himself. He lived a life of riches and materialism, far from the selfless and minimalistic lifestyle found here. But after your boyfriend healed him of his inability to walk, he suddenly preached the same ideals that everyone else did.

Peace, love, and community.

Those were the important pillars of this idyllic place Viktor had created, and yet you couldn't see past the clear red flags that weaved themselves in their white attire. You were never much of a genius like he was, but it didn't take much brainpower to understand that this was not a great place to be in. No matter how hard he attempted to convince you of that.

"... I'm sorry you feel that way. But I'm afraid I can not follow your reasoning for this claim. I am myself... just someone greater. More meaningful. Isn't that beautiful?" His voice was so gentle and patient in comparison to yours. Something that wasn't unusual to him. But the way he used that tone now made you sick. "Terrifying is a better word, actually... Why can't you see that this is just wrong? You're not healing anyone-" "-But I am. Look around you. Is that not enough for you to finally believe me, my love? I want to create a better world... one in which we can live freely together." Your mind spun, his words ringing in your head dangerously. And you hated every second of it.

This isn't the man you loved anymore. He must have died that fateful day when the sky fell from above, and he covered you with his body to save you. His last act of kindness as your boyfriend and lover before he perished and left behind whoever he was. And you'd be damned if the last good memory got tainted too.

"No. I will not let you play with my mind anymore. I've had enough." You pushed past him, wanting to finally escape this borderline cult. Originally, you had only followed after him because you couldn't bear being without him. Jayce was right, though. He really was different now.

"Hm... it seems like I was right about you after all." You stopped in your tracks yet didn't dare face him. "You truly are not worth saving... you can't grasp the beauty of what I have made. I suppose everyone's claims for your low intelligence were, unfortunately, right. What a shame." How could a devil have such a soothing, loving voice? Why did the monster that now lurked in your shadow have to have your lovers face? The cruelty was too much to bear.

Who would have thought that you'd finally leave him for good after all the years you've taken care of him? This moment felt so surreal and yet ironically freeing as well. The end was near. "Did you... ever even love me?" You asked aimlessly, but didn't wait to hear his answer.

Perhaps if you had, however, you would've seen that sudden spark of surprise in his eyes, as you slipped out of his fingers for good at last.

》JAYCE

You had looked everywhere for him. And after also asking everyone under the sun if they had seen your boyfriend, you had eventually determined that he must've somehow gone missing. Worried sick, it pained you knowing that there wasn't much you could do either, considering that everyone was too busy getting ready for a borderline war and Caitlyn became unreachable as a result. Yet just as you began to lose hope, your dear lover finally returned... but he wasn't the same.

He didn't look the same, nor did he act the same, in fact. He looked so different that it even visibly startled you when you found him rummaging through his once shared laboratory. You had just returned from another wrap around the building in hopes of finding it, and whilst you'd consider yourself lucky this time around, all you now felt was genuine dread.

"Jayce...? What happened to you? I looked for you everywhere and-" You stilled at the intense look he gave you, his face flinching for a moment, as though his mind couldn't comprehend your image. Glancing over at his peculiar weapon of choice, you felt unnerved at how even that looked uncanny. The entire situation was unnerving you deeply, to say the least. "You... You shouldn't be here." He finally muttered, his voice deeper and colder than it ever was. Jayce always had such a fun and warm voice. If you didn't know any better, you would've questioned who he was a while ago.

"Hey... tell me where you were, okay?" You said, trying a more gentle approach as you neared him, eyes focused on his clearly injured leg. Had he been kidnapped? You doubted it. So what made him end up like this? Nothing you could come with explained his appearance. His hair and beard were way longer than they should have gotten in the short span of time he was gone, too.

Reaching down carefully, you tried to inspect his leg, but he seemed less receptive to the idea. Or so you assumed, after he shoved you away roughly and held the hammer to your face at impressive speed. His eyes were glossy, as though he wasn't entirely all there. He was reliving a terrifying moment in his mind, unaware of the horror you were going through. Never could you have ever thought of ending up in this position with him. "Jayce! What the hell are you doing-?" "-Get away! I know what you are... you've been sent by him too, weren't you?" You let out a shriek when he swung the hammer at you, only giving you a fraction of a second to jump out of the way.

Falling onto your behind, you quickly crawled backward and away from him, tears welling up in your eyes. Your scream seemed to at least wake him up, though, as he finally lowered his weapon and blinked at you in surprise. "Fucks sake! What is wrong with you?" You yelled out, yet as fast as his face softened, it hardened again. "... Sorry... I need to leave." Quickly making his way past you, he only barely escaped your presence before you grabbed onto the fabric of his pants. "Why? Where are you going? Why can't you tell me anything?"

The look in his eyes made you shrink away. This wasn't your Jayce anymore. "... The future of everyone in Piltover hinges on me being there on time. Now, make yourself useful for once and get out of my way." Shaking you off harshly, he left you crying on the cold floor of the once lively laboratory, not once looking back.

》SILCO

When you first met Silco, you were both still leading simple lives in the last drop with his brother and all of your other friends in Zaun. The lanes were harsh and, at times, cruel, yet you fought through the agony of it all together. Years down the line later, you find yourself still reminiscing on those heavenly days, particularly those of your lover who had turned for the worst in the time being. And the question of why you didn't listen to Vander's warnings came to mind again then. Perhaps you were just too used to excusing everything his brother did, especially after he had attempted to drown him so horrifically, which left him permanently injured.

But even so... why didn't you just listen? Why did it take so many years for you to finally throw the towel and leave for good? Finally realise that the man you loved was a monster? A disgusting and evil monster who was willing to use the plight of others for his own gain. And for what? Money? Fame? Power? It was all an ego trip you had far more than enough of. Zaun was his playground, and an escape was impossible. You'd be, however damned if you didn't at least try to anyways. Even if just in Vander's honor as a long-awaited apology.

Pushing past the crowd in the stuffy, full Last drop, you finally reached his office upstairs. Not caring about formalities anymore, you knocked and opened the door without awaiting a reply. If death met you behind it, then so be it. "Ah, darling, in a hurry today, aren't you?" "We need to talk. Alone." Short and straight to the point. Raising a brow, he shared a look with Jinx, who was just done giving him his daily "medicine". Oh, how you hated your lover's dearest creation. Shimmer. The exact thing that had ruined your lives for good. But you pushed away your disdain for the task at hand.

Giving Jinx a dismissive wave of his hand, you waited for her to be gone for good before taking a breath to speak. But Silco beat you to it. Always so painfully perceptive. "The answer is no, if you're here asking to leave. I refuse to let you go, dear. You have no one else but me after all. You wouldn't survive on your own." He always underestimated you, so this wasn't an all to surprising response. And if you were just a couple of months younger, you would have maybe agreed and backed off. But you were sick of his games.

"I didn't come here to ask for permission, Silco. I'm here to say goodbye." The slightest, softest crack at the last word gave you away horribly. You certainly didn't expect your feelings for the man to betray you, but even that won't stop you now. Said man just hummed in response as he stood up to face the window. His hands calmly lit a cigar, very much unbothered. But you knew that your sentence had gotten to him anyway with how his hand shook ever so slightly. Out of anger, most likely.

"So you think you can do whatever you want? Leave after you've spent so many years at my side? Your hands aren't as clean as you think they are, darling. Even yours are a bright violet." A reference to the shimmer vials on his desk. He knew how much you hated it, so this felt like a jab. A jab at the deep guilt you felt every day for enabling the death of all of your friends indirectly. If only you had stopped him from the start... then maybe you wouldn't have to feel the dread that ruined you from the inside anymore.

"I've accepted my flaws and sins a long time ago. I may not be better than you... but sometimes, in order to end the cycle, you have to walk away and leave some things behind." You suddenly felt so content, his cold and terrible words not reaching you anymore. You were so close to leaving. So close to leaving Zaun and Piltover like you've always dreamed. But Silco just scoffed in disbelief.

"Hah, don't give me that self-righteous shit... I've been there for you for so many years, dear. I've taken care of you, fed you, and loved you to my best ability for so long. The least you could do is be grateful for my kindness." "So you think I'm a burden?" The silence was deafening, but it was enough to confirm your long-standing suspicions. He had lost his love for you a long time ago. Perhaps the side that loved you so purely drowned in the river with him.

"... Goodbye. I hope one day you can walk away too." You turned and began walking out then, suddenly realising that it's finally over. Shoving your hands into the pocket of your coat, you felt the ticket for the skyship you had to take. "Don't you dare leave. Don't you dare it-" All bark and no bite as usual. There was no stopping you now, and he knew it. He was letting you go after all. You could just hope that one day he'd listen to your words and end the cycle, too.

What a shame that you won't be there at his side to see it, however... maybe in another life then.

#arcane #arcane x genderneutral reader #arcane x reader #arcane x y/n #arcane x you #arcane viktor #arcane viktor x reader #viktor #viktor x reader #arcane silco #arcane silco x reader #silco x reader #silco #arcane jayce #arcane jayce x reader #jayce #jayce x reader

891 notes · View notes

octoberautumnbox · 8 months ago

Text

Discordant Waltz: Adrenaline (DLC Ver.)

Oh Sieun (Former IZ*ONE/Soloist Jo Yuri) & Male Reader

Categories/warnings: smut, clothed sex, oral, feet!, friends with benefits, doggystyle

Word count: 4.9k

| Part 1 || Part 2 || Part 3 || Part 4 (coming soon)

a/n: this is the alternate version with two added feet scenes! special thanks to @i-am-lifeform24 and @sooyadelicacies for tips on how to write this, and to @sumirhatos for beta reading~

“I don’t care where you are or what the fuck you’ve been doing this entire time. Just please come to the convenience store by the river and meet me.” Sieun's voice, you're sure it's Sieun's voice, is mixed with a garbled tone through the phone.

“Okay, but-” And the line cuts. You shuffle your cellphone defeatedly back into your pocket and start towards your newly-mandated meeting place.

You’ve only begun putting two and two together: The person you were just with wasn’t Sieun, even though she looks exactly like her. That person wasn’t like Sieun at all, especially not in the way the two of you had sex. It was so different, and the nagging feeling in the back of your head that something was wrong only grows clearer.

A blaring horn unfreezes you from the middle of the street. You step out of the way and onto the sidewalk, and the truck’s irate driver brings the hulking machine past your point in the road. You watch it drive off, leaving a cloud of dust behind its wheels, and for what seems like a minuscule amount of time, you unfreeze yourself off once more from staring at the now-settled dust on the asphalt.

It dawns on you: you’ve slept with the wrong woman. It wasn’t your Sieun you just had sex with. The girl you just fucked wasn’t the girl you were supposed to fuck. But no matter how you say it, no matter how many times you think it in your head, it just doesn’t make sense. How could that not have been Sieun?

The walk back towards the convenience store by the river is slow and quiet, but your mind races with these thoughts, calling for just more and more of your brainpower to stay conscious and on track towards your meeting place. Even though you’re sure the initial confusion has subsided, the effect still settles deep within every bone of your body: you fucked another woman besides Sieun.

Before you know it, your feet bring you to the convenience store by the river. Sieun’s eyes meet yours from inside through the window, and she motions you to come in faster. You pull the door open and a cool blast of air hits your face, and Sieun pulls you into the seat beside her.

She fights the noodles down her throat, and after a quick gasp, she starts: “Apologize for missing my calls later. Lemme finish this first, then we go over to your house.” She downs a swig of Mountain Dew and fights back the stinging acid running down her throat.

“My house? But-” she interrupts by bringing a chopstick to your lips. She sucks in air through her teeth, and finally goes back for more of her ramyeon. You note it’s the spicy kind as the heat coats your lips where her chopsticks touched.

“Please shut up while I’m eating. I’ll explain later.” She flashes you the dorky kind of smile that could nevertheless kill and returns to her ramyeon, paying you no further mind.

Despite being over budget, you pick out another six-pack of beer for the two of you and bring it to the registers. She eyes you from her seat by the window and gives you a thumbs up from there. You sigh and wonder how you landed someone as great as her. If only…

~~~

“Wow, nice place.” Sieun's eyes roam across your living room, from your sofa, to the TV, to the coffee table with its remote and mug filled with cold tea from this morning. “Quaint. I like it.

“ What the fuck does ‘quaint’ mean, Oh Sieun?” you tease. Bring an arm around her shoulder and pull her close, plant a kiss on her cheek.

“It just means quaint,” she sighs casually, leaning into your embrace, “no more, no less.”

Both of you take off your shoes and make your way to the sofa. You place the six-pack of beer on the coffee table as Sieun bounces on a sofa cushion, evidently having a good time. You shoot her a look, and you're stopped in your tracks by how her hair falls unerringly into place like it does. She smiles at you again, but you take a seat on the floor in front of her.

“What are you doing down there?” Her giggle rings clear as day as she says it. She picks up a can of beer and pulls on the tab, releasing carbon dioxide in a melodious fizz that eases the tension around you: tension you didn't know was there.

She hands you the beer and you take it carefully, for some reason trying not to mess up whatever it is your body is planning to do next. You feel the cold floor tiles against the palm of your hand, not nearly as cold as the beer in the other, before giving up on both and focusing on the imminent warmth that is Sieun's feet.

Set the beer down and grasp her soles through her cobalt blue socks. Find her muscles, tendons and nerves as you push and squeeze around her delicate feet. Wring out strangled sighs and shushed whimpers from Sieun’s lips.

“What the fuck are you doing…” Her breath hitches before continuing on unsteadily. She unravels, thread by thread, under the changing and shifting pressures you apply on her soles and toes, confusion vying to bubble up to the front of her mind but ultimately getting pushed back down by the attention you give her.

“What’s gotten into you, babe?” She giggles more as you manipulate her body the way you like, and yet you’re pulled into her intensifying orbit. Your… friend… leans forward and takes your cheeks in her hands. She pulls you towards her and kisses you, nibbling your lower lip at every careful squeeze you apply on her foot. Her tongue tries to push past your teeth, and for the first time in a long time, you find yourself hesitant.

“You… must be tired today. I thought I’d be nice.” You try to hide the uncertainty in your voice, choosing to divert her attention elsewhere. You strip her of her socks and toss them in the general direction of your shoes. Continue to rub her feet, and she pulls you in for another kiss.

This time, you accept. Her tongue slips past your teeth and you meet it with yours, swirling around each other as more of her sultry gasps drift out of her mouth. Sieun pulls you even closer, trying to take in more of you, before she runs out of breath and has to break away.

“Whew, that was hot,” your friend sighs as she leans back onto the backrest and breathes deep. Her head lolls back and she stares idly at the ceiling as she tries to catch her breath. “Where’d you learn that, huh, stud?”

Ignoring her, you continue to massage her. Moving from her soles and toes to the balls of her feet, your hands make their way to her heels, then her ankles, and up to her calves.

"Oh, I love how you think, babe." Your hands crawl up her smooth and creamy legs, and she flashes you a smirk. Sieun relaxes with a deep sigh and her eyes shut. Your friend's naughty smile is unsteady on her lips, victim to your sensual assault on her legs.

Stop momentarily, take a beer can from the table. You pull on the tab and release its own pent-up fizz and hand it to her, casually yet carefully. "Take a sip, baby. Let me take care of you."

She receives it with a tiny "thank you" and takes a sip. As you return to her massage, you watch her lips curl around the rim of the can, arousal growing as her tongue wipes over and collects the fluid left behind.

Your hands reach her hips and you grip resolutely. It catches her mid-sip, and it forces her to keep the beer in her mouth for a little while longer. Then, she makes a show of swallowing slowly and licking her lips after once more.

You slip your fingers under the waistband of her PE pants and pull down. With a little help from your friend lifting her hips off the couch, you successfully peel it all off of her smooth legs. She spreads them for you and you’re met with a pair of blue lace panties covering her crotch. The sight of them sends even more blood rushing into your dick, and your self-control dwindles in the face of her needy whines.

“I picked out a cute pair for you today… You like?” Sieun brings her knees up to her chest, letting her feet dangle in the air. She hooks her arms under her legs and starts biting her finger enticingly, communicating what she wants you to do next.

Remember the comfort that is Oh Sieun, how you just get each other so well, how there’s next to no guesswork when it comes to her. You pull her panties to the side, revealing a drenched pussy in need of some love. The sensation of the fabric leaving her core is exhilarating for her, but nothing excites her more compared to what’s coming. She braces herself as you bring your face closer, and finally you drag your tongue up against her clit.

You pepper kisses all over her crotch in between long drags between her puffy lips and dripping cunt. "Mmm, babe…" She leaks more in response, torn between wanting you to go faster and harder or slower and softer, bucking her hips but changing her mind. Her sweet nectar intoxicates you like a love potion, wanting more of it, more of her, that you tighten your grip on her waist and hold her steady to lap up more of her essence. The feeling of your hands imprinting on her sides drives her closer to the edge, and her moans grow in volume and intensity as you continue the hard, hard work of loving her to death.

“Stop… No, not yet… I’m really close, babe,” she whines powerlessly, not knowing the effect it has on you. “Please come up here, I need you…” She unhooks her arms from her legs and draws them outstretched to receive you. In return, you stand over her and make quick work of your belt. She takes the initiative of pulling down your pants once free, and your friend’s delicate fingers grasp your already rock-hard cock to stroke and marvel at.

“You want this, baby?” Your cock twitches between her fingers, telling her wordlessly that you want her just as bad. With Sieun, there’s no need to thrust into her hands: she knows you so well, she’s so devoted to your cock that she learned for herself how best to service you.

“Yes, please…” She brings it down and right against her fuckhole. She teases herself with it; it’s all she could do when you loom over her with authority. She rubs your head on her clit, showing you just how ready she is for you, before tracing the lips of her pussy and smearing her slick all over your tip. “Can I please have it?”

“Do what you have to do,” you command, and she heaves a sigh of arousal before doing her best job. Her hand slithers under her jacket and most probably under her bra again to pull out another condom. She tears it open with her teeth and, this time, places it on her lips. Sieun guides the rubber onto your tip and unrolls it onto your length using only her mouth, taking in more of your shaft as she does. She barely makes it all the way to your base, but a sudden bout of impatience hits her and she plunges herself onto you, taking you all the way and causing her to gag. You feel some of her spit drip onto your calf, so you stroke her hair and let her breathe.

“You’re adorable, you know that? Taking my dick like such a good girl…” Grab a fistful of her hair and slowly pull her off your cock, letting more of her spit fall from her lips to wherever. Her eyes are shut and tears form in the corners, but she doesn’t wipe them away.

You retake your place on the floor between her legs and point your attention back to her feet. You pick up her left foot and place a kiss on her big toe, causing her to moan long and deep. You continue moving, kissing her sole and the ball of her foot, and her toes flex in response to the pleasure. Finally, you take her other foot and suck on her toes, one by one, making sure to coat each one in your spit.

“Mmmh, please, more…” Your friend tries to push for more contact between your tongue and her toes, but you force her back under control. Bite down, hard, onto her pinky toe. Sh whimpers and ultimately submits.

“Behave, baby.” Your speech slurs as your tongue laps at every single crease and crevice you could find, never giving her a chance to catch her breath. It drives Sieun wild, and her pussy leaks even more of her slick onto the cushion she’s sitting on, and you find that she’s pushed a couple of her fingers into her needy cunt. Despite this, you pay her no mind and keep licking her sole and nibbling on her toes. Your mouth fills with the salty taste of her feet, and suddenly stopping is the most difficult thing in the world.

“Fuck, please… Shit!” She accidentally shoves more of her foot into your mouth, assaulting your tastebuds with her delicious musk. It’s overwhelming how good every part of her tastes, but you manage to regain control of yourself. Her toes are peppered with more small pecks that only cause her to leak more of her essence on her inner thighs and cushion.

“I can’t take it anymore… I need your cock, please!!!” She spreads her pussy lips to show you just how drenched she is. Her juices glisten all over her crotch and thighs, and her fingers tracing her fuckhole make her cunt quiver in anticipation for the pleasure you’ll bring. It’s enough to snap your attention right away to the task at hand.

You plant your hands on either side of her head on the backrest, still looming over her. She takes your cock in her hands again and aims it at her waiting entrance with a needy look in her eyes. “I can’t wait anymore, please?”

Of course you indulge her. Enter her heat carefully, feel her walls make way for your length. Her mouth forms an “o” as you push yourself further and further into your friend’s core, rubbing against all her good spots, drawing out gasps and little moans from her.

“Babe, your thick cock is so good, please…” Her legs twitch when you hit certain points, letting you know exactly how she likes it. Her toes curl with pleasure as she welcomes you deeper into her sex, just as she searches for your lips to steal kisses from in spite of her eyes that won’t open.

You pick up the pace, spearing into her core faster and faster, as her grip on your shoulders tightens with each of your thrusts. Her forehead starts to form small beads of sweat, as do her forearms and the insides of her thighs. She’s getting restless again, squirming under you as you fuck her, and you place your hands on her hips again to keep her steady, the naughty girl.

“Fuck, babe, please… Please!” She places her hand on the back of your neck to keep you close. Her eyes finally open and you see the fire within her pupils just begging to be doused. You can do nothing else but indulge her, and your friend grows wetter and tighter to accommodate her favorite cock. It only spurs you on further with how pliant, how willing Sieun is. Was she always like this?

On the other end of your mind, a gruesome memory resurfaces. Who was that girl? Why did she look exactly like Sieun? What was she doing in her house?

She pulls you in and captures your lips with hers. Your friend nibbles and licks and grunts throughout the kiss, aligned with every single one of your thrusts into her needy core, all the while trying to hold you tighter so she never lets you go.

Why did she let you in like that? Why did she let you kiss her then? Why is she letting you kiss her now?

“Fuck… Fucking shit! You feel so good inside me, please!!!” Her screams of pleasure snap you awake, and you’re met with the visual of Oh Sieun, your friend, staring blankly into your eyes as you use her tight little fuckhole mercilessly. Her tongue hangs out her mouth and drops of saliva leak down to her chin and onto her jacket. “Please… please babe, I need more…”

You get the message and give her what she wants. Pull out, only for a moment, and let her adjust. She flips over, plants her knees into the seat cushions, places her hands on the backrest. Sieun presents her plump ass to you, and she squeezes her thigh before spreading her legs again to show you her dripping, freshly fucked cunt.

As if hit with another dose of adrenaline, you shove your cock back into her soaked and quivering pussy, hard, causing her to yelp and scream. You grab her slim waist, feeling up her smooth skin just burning to be ravaged, and pull her towards you with every thrust, causing the sofa to creak and groan. However, it's nothing compared to the unholy noises forced out of Sieun's mouth; her lungs burn and her throat sores as she's subjected to more and more of your mind-numbing pleasure.

“I can't… I can't hold it! Babe, I'm cumming!!!” Her velvet walls clench and suffocate your cock, but it does nothing to slow your maniacal pace. Your rough-fucking of her pussy never stops, never slows, and despite the pain she undeniably feels with you abusing her body (you know how sick she is in the head), she nevertheless pushes back to meet your pelvis in what little efforts she could take to bring herself over the edge.

Your orgasm hits you like a train derailed, and despite your weakened state from earlier in the day, you deliver spurts and spurts of your warm cum into the rubber. She feels every twitch and throb of your cock inside her burning core, and it brings your friend over the edge too. Her hips convulse just as the first streaks of her girlcum spray out of her cunt, leaking more and more of her love juices onto the poor cushion underneath her with every jerk of her hips. She screams and wails her pleasure; surely she’s waking up with a sore throat tomorrow morning. For now, her teeth clamp down on the fabric of the backrest, the only thing she could reach with you keeping her firmly in place.

Your respective orgasms start to wind down, and you pull yourself out of her and let her collapse onto the sofa. Take your seat next to her, pick up your can of beer from the floor, lean back like a king. You take a sip, and the alcohol soothes your shot nerves and dry throat.

Sieun cuddles up next to you, leaning on your shoulder and draping one of her arms across your chest. You place your arm over her in response, and she melts again.

“Whew,” she sighs, out of breath and with a noticeably raspy voice, “that was great. Why don’t you fuck me like that all the time?” Her chest rises and falls with every tiny circle she draws on your chest, and you squeeze her closer to you. You’re drawn back into the comfort of just understanding each other, of not needing to explain, of just being you around your friend.

But once again, the guilt bubbles in your chest. You remember: you’ve slept with another woman not even a day earlier who looks exactly like her, and what’s worse, she even felt better than Sieun did. She let you sniff her hair, kiss her neck, fuck her ass. Are you really not going to tell her?

The guilt rises up your throat and drops into your stomach at the same time. It dawns on you again, this is your friend. Your friend, who you drank beer with on a Friday afternoon. Your friend, who begged you to use her like she was yours. Your friend, who keeps condoms in her bra for you and only you. Just friends, that’s all. Are you really not going to tell her?

Suddenly, your view is obscured by her eyes. You find Sieun on top of you, straddling you, as she takes your cheeks in her hands. Her hair falls to her cheeks as she positions her face above yours, and she plants wet kisses and licks on your lips.

“Thanks for today, babe,” she says between smooches. Your hands drift towards her hips again, and once you grasp them, she breathes out slowly and sensually. She breaks the kiss for a bit, but she keeps her forehead on yours. “If you’re trying to tempt me,” she runs her thumbs on your cheekbones, “then it’s working. But not right now, I’m spent.” Her giggles make their way into your ears again, and her gravity strengthens its pull on you once more.

You check the time and find it’s late, much too late for a lady like her to be out alone on a night like this. Wrap your arms around her waist tight, secure the woman of your dreams in your embrace forever. However, you know time is running out and the guilt will only root deeper into your system and eat you alive if you don’t pull it out soon; pull it out now.

“Do you wanna bring this over to the bed?” You try your hardest to be casual about the question, but the way it comes out, shaky and tentatively-toned, makes it anything but. Still, she finds it cute, evidenced by the small giggle that escapes her.

“Sorry, gotta be fair. I kick you out every week, don't I?” Oh Sieun stands up quickly and without any hint of dizziness, landing on her feet gracefully. What’s left of her slick runs down her creamy thighs and the moment you snap yourself out of staring at the lewd sight, you notice she was staring too.

“I need your shower and a towel, never mind if it’s used.” She makes her own way into your shower, but not before opening every closed door and flipping every light switch she could find. Once she finds the bathroom, her head peeks out from inside, and she calls at you:

“Leave the towel and my clothes by the door, I’ll get them when I’m done.”

The door shuts loudly, and you realize you failed. Without much else to do, you gather her things in your arms sullenly and drop them by the door like she asked. You take your seat back on the couch and ultimately resolve to turn the beer in the can into beer in your stomach.

~~~

Oh Sieun exits the bathroom clad in her perennial PE jacket and jogging pants, with the added twist of your towel wrapped around her hair. It’s the first time you’ve had her like this: squeaky clean, sweet-scented, relaxed like you didn’t just rail each other to oblivion. She’s beautiful, and you can’t even bring yourself to tell her.

“Hey, what’s the address here? I need a taxi.” She plops herself down next to you on the sofa and brings her legs over on your lap. Half of you regrets forgetting to put on pants, while the other half starts to get ideas.

You reach out your hand to take her phone, but while Sieun leans over to give it to you, she notices your cock starting to harden once more. “Something’s up with you today, babe.” The phone makes its way from her hand to yours, and she gets an irresistibly naughty look in her eye again.

Your friend takes your cock in between her bare soles. You feel the damp skin of her feet rub against your growing shaft while you type in your address and book her cab for her.

“Is this gonna be a regular thing with us? Because,” you look over to her and find her leaning on the armrest with her head leaning on her hand, “I dunno. I could get used to this.”

��Could be if you want it to, Sieun.” You hand her back her phone, and she sees the cab on the map, only six minutes away. “I’d rather you not start something you’re not gonna finish, though.”

“Wow, Mister Bigshot. Challenge fucking accepted.” She speeds up her footjob, bringing her toes into the mix as well. You groan at every point of contact between your cock and the creases of her feet, and you can tell she’s enjoying it too. “Maybe I took that shower too early…”

You take her feet in her hands and fuck them properly. She moans in response, and she spreads her knees apart and shoves a hand into her pants. You try matching each other’s paces, and with four minutes to spare, you try to go faster and faster.

“Why is it I’m so weak when it comes to you, huh?” Your grunts punctuate every word you utter while you rub your cock on her feet. She tries forming a reply, but the feeling of you just using her messes with her mind and makes her forget everything else but you.

“Shit… shit! Let me suck your cock!” Sieun pulls her feet away and positions her face over your lap. She hurriedly takes half your length straight into her warm, wet mouth, and her tongue glides and rubs all over your shaft wherever and as far as she could reach. You grab her head and force it down to take more of you in, and her hips buck onto her hand the moment you feel yourself hit the back of her throat.

You keep her there for a while, and she never ever stops running her lewd tongue over your dick. The sounds and vibrations coming from her mouth only spur you on further, as does the sight of her fingering herself under her pants just for you.

Just to tease her more, you take her phone and show it to her: one more minute. She tries even harder to suck you off, hollowing out her cheeks and going wild with her tongue. Her moans grow deeper and louder to match yours, and the vibrations that reach your rock-hard cock drive you close to the edge.

“Baby, I’m close… Take my fucking seed in your mouth!” You pull her head down as far as she can go, and amidst gags and glucks your friend never tries pulling herself off, instead choosing to be a good girl and receive everything that’s for her and her alone. Your warm cum shoots into her throat, and despite her gags she never lets up or lets go of your cock between her lips.

Her phone suddenly rings, no doubt the taxi calling to say he’s at the pickup point, and in the closest of calls your spurts come to an end. Sieun raises her head and shows you how much of your seed she collected on her tongue with a smile, and she makes a show of swallowing it all for you.

She gets up and makes for the door, but when you try to follow her out you find your legs are jelly. Instead, she leans over and plants a kiss on your cheek, and as she walks off you hear the sound of your front door creaking opening and shutting quickly.

~~~

a/n: wow wild ride writing this LMAOOO this took a while what with hiatus and all but overall im pretty cool w how it turned out, this also isnt one of my kink personally like noona was but nevertheless still very fun! stay tuned for the next :)))

| Part 1 || Part 2 || Part 3 || Part 4 (coming soon)

#girl group smut #kpop smut #izone smut #jo yuri smut #fic box

101 notes · View notes

strawberrywinter4 · 6 months ago

Text

Hello, friends!

I know I haven’t been very active with my writing lately, and I simply wanted to address that fact.

I’m moving toward a bigger part of my life and am trying to put things together. It’s exciting and nerve-racking. I know it’s only going to get more time consuming.

With that said, this doesn’t mean that I’m done writing. Far from it! I’m hoping to make a career out of it one day.

I love writing fan fiction and it allows me to improve my skills, so this doesn’t mean I’m stopping, I’m only saying that my works aren’t going to be updated as frequently.

I try to write fan fiction whenever I can, but I also have personal projects that I’m working on. Not to mention, my free time is very precious to me. At times, I simply wish to relax without constantly typing on my keyboard (no matter how much I love to do so). Writing can take a lot of brainpower, haha.

In conclusion, I thought my readers and mutuals deserved an explanation. I know I haven’t been very active on here or on ao3, and that may continue for a while, but that doesn’t mean I won’t try posting when I can. I love writing about my Baker Street Boys and my Marvel Bunch. It’s an escape for me and all you lovely people know how to bring these fandoms to life.

Thank you for all the support! <3

#johnlock #sherlock #bbc sherlock #johnlock fanfiction #writerscommunity #ao3 writer #john watson #sherlock fandom #ao3 #lokius #marvel fanfiction #mcu #marvel cinematic universe #ao3 author #writumblr

46 notes · View notes

velvees-archive · 2 months ago

Text

Spirit of Justice spoilers (6-4)!

i went a full game without thinking too deeply about it, but now that we’re here…

simon blackquill is kind of…

some 6-4 reactions under the cut

i haven’t finished the case yet but it is so silly and fun! a great breath of fresh air after 6-3 (which was harder than i expected it to be /pos).

looking back at the series, it’s pretty funny how far we’ve come with attorneys’ attempts at projecting prosecutors’ and defense’s adversarial relationships in court. we went from edgeworth trying to cover up having allied w the defense in 3-5 to simon jumping from the gallery to athena’s aid, right in front of the judge in 6-4. does someone wanna call that out or…?

nobody? okay sure.

the whole balloon thing w geiru gave me a good chuckle. good ol’ udgey.

really really loving the banter between simon and athena. it’s pretty clear he dotes on her. her respect for him is easy to see as well. nahyuta fits really well into this dynamic. i’m liking him tbh!

ok, back to the case.

WHY IS HE SO SASSY LMFAO

i love when you think a character is gonna be serious (talking first impressions during DD) and they end up being either a cringefailure or a boyloser, sometimes both.

i’m also really happy with how DD and SOJ have emphasized the diff skill levels between WAA’s lawyers. some of the contradictions athena can’t pin right away are things i imagine apollo or phoenix could spot. now that the initial shock of athena’s gimmick has worn off, i actually don’t mind it. athena has really grown on me. you can tell she’s quite young, so props to SOJ’s writing team for that.

^ vid of simon smacking nahyuta’s prayer beads away as nahyuta attempts to “punish” athena

okay but dude he’s actually so attractive wtf.

i think it’s bc his interjection gives the vibe of an older brother making fun of their sibling but defending them the moment someone else takes it too far bc dude…why is he….he’s…..

simon blackquill, i owe you an apology. i wasn’t really familiar w your game

i don’t think there’s much they can do to ruin this case for me but i will update if something shocking occurs! rly hoping athena has a moment where her brainpower eclipses both simon’s and nahyuta’s, just to stick it to these losers

ok i’m coming back to edit this post as i’m abt wrapping up the case…

HELLO? what are we doing???? whaaaat are we doing……?

finally we get some freaks around here?? for all intents and purposes i am going to pretend he’s grabbing me and not the character i’m playing as bc gooning over simon blackquill is my natural state atp.

#ace attorney #spirit of justice #athena cykes #simon blackquill #reaction post #spirit of justice spoilers #i love them ur honor #queued post

35 notes · View notes

ghoulspaw · 2 months ago

Text

this is my third attempt at trying to write my thoughts on episode 10 but theres simply to much on my mind that i end up staring at my keyboard not knowing how or where to start, what ss to use and whatnot so i'll just keep it short and vague ig lol

Personally i loved this episode. Do i have way more questions than before? YES. Am i even more confused about stuff? 1000%. Did i cry a little with lyca's sad heartbroken expression at the end and rui's traumatic reaper curse moment and i won't recover from those panels EVER again? 👍💔

And even though ed is one sketchy creepy weird mf, im SO CURIOUS about wtf is up with him???? Was he fr fr trying to turn mc into a vamp by using mind control?????????????? or was it like a "lets see if she has willpower to say no" cause my dude that was a WOAH moment..... holy shit ????? He might know neros???? what business does he have with towa??? why is he on EVERYONE'S business and seems to know everything already???? ngjfhdn *SLAMS HANDS ON TABLE* GIVE ME ANSWERS EDWARD HART ‼️‼️🫵🗣 and what does RUI know about ed?? what act should he drop??? that hes not senile and his health is perfectly fine???? that he might not be a ghou-[GUNSHOT] cmon boys dont be shy share your little secrets with the audience 🎤

The whole haru-janitor-jabberwock-towa thing, im leaving that to the theorists <3 that one...that one requires a lot of Thinking and brainpower i dont have rn. Will be eating all the theories later<3

Anyways, again, i really loved this episode. I think the "dont be too trusting" and "learning things the hard way" themes were perfect for this house. The turn of events was DEVASTATING yes, but i really like how it was also a reminder (both to mc and us readers) how shit can hit thr fan pretty quickly and that at the end of the day, these dudes ARE dangerous, even if they have good intentions </3 specially the "obscuary aren't humans" (fuck darkwick btw !!!), mc (and we, by default) see them as humans, interact with them as if they were humans, and dont understand why outside ppl would call them monsters etcetc, until mc is in a situation where she finally sees what those outsiders were seeing too and its like "oh. OH . shit thats scary yeah ,wow". AND THATS SO FUCKING SAD!!!!! CAUSE NOW ALL MY BOYS AND MC ARE TRAUMATIZED!!!!!! but i LOVE it???? its so complex???? now we'll see them deal with it???? we might learn even MORE information??? Hhhhgbn idk, cool stuff

but yeah! Obscuary my BELOVEDS theyre everything to me ❤️‍🩹🫂 excited for vaga boys next !!!!!!!! new sho food (no pun intended)<3<3<3

#that was NOT the field trip i was expecting #will send my therapy bills to zzg #tokyo debunker spoilers...?

22 notes · View notes

snk-smartpass · 4 months ago

Text

TEXT Vol. 04 Connie’s Operation Proposal

Sometimes during training, one has no choice but to use their head. At times, this means having to write many words. In logical order, at that…

[Supplie Requasition

Bread: A bunch

Potatos: Around 5 boxes?

Milk: Not spoiled

Blades: Enough to attack Titans

Gas: A good amount]

“Start over.”

The instructor thrust Connie’s strategy to proposal back at him after little more than a glance. Dejected, he took the page.

••••••

“…How do you even begin to teach an idiot like this?”

“Forget about what he should be writing. I don’t even think he knows how to count supplies…”

Connie’s corpsmates had a good laugh at the document Connie wrote having summoned up all his brainpower. This wasn’t funny to him.

“I can pass the practical exams fine! Making it to the top of the class might even be realistic if it wasn’t for these tests where you have to write stuff…”

“Guess that means we don’t have a good reason to bother teaching you. The fewer competitors we have, the better.”

The other recruits may have been his corpsmates, but they were also his rivals, all competing for top marks. Connie’s desperate plea had backfired.

“C’mon! You can’t abandon me like this!

His fellow recruits laughed and ignored him as they returned to the barracks.

••••••

Two people happened to pass by Connie as he studied alone in the cafeteria. It was Reiner and Marco, who had just been helping the instructor with something. Two recruits with not only high practical marks, but top grades in the classroom too.

“Connie… You’re still studying?”

“It feels like they’re gonna send me back to my village if I keep getting these bad grades… I have to…”

Becoming a soldier was an important goal for Connie, someone who’d always been looked down upon as stupid. No matter how much trouble he had with something, he needed to get it done. His mother would surely be happy, if he finished with top marks this way. After Connie explained his situation to them, Reiner patted him on the shoulder.

“You understand what materials are required. All you need is to take your time with the numbers and be specific as you put them down. It’s fine if you write it in your own words.”

“You should also be more careful about your handwriting. Write it in a legible way, one that gets across just how much you need the materials.”

“Marco, Reiner… You guys are really kind.”

The two gave him words of encouragement, and Connie began again on his rejected document having processed their advice in his own way.

••••••

[Supply Requasition

Bread: Three days worth for five people

Potatoes: See above

Milk: See above. Fresh

Blades: Half a horse cart’s worth

Gas: Half a horse cart’s worth]

“…Looks fine.”

Through his corpsmates had insulted his document, it was ultimately accepted. Not only that, the instructor put it up in a place for everyone to see and learn from.

“What you need in a chaotic situation isn’t beautiful prose, it’s to write in a way that gives any reader an easy and accurate understanding of the current conditions. The words used by Recruit Springer in his requisition may be crude, but they show a proper understanding of the minimum needed by the squads that will be carrying out the operation they’ve been given. One could say that this sets an example of sorts, given that a soldier’s duty is to always be on the front lines.”

“Heh… So I am a genius.”

Frankly speaking, Connie only understood the part when the instructor said his work “sets an example.” Still, his corpsmates seemed to view him in a new light now. He decided he’d be as diligent as possible in his coursework, all in the hope that he’d get to experience this feeling again.

••••••

SOURCE: Attack on Titan: Short Stories 3

TRANSLATION: Ko Ransom

#attack on titan short stories #shingeki no kyojin short stories #shingeki no kyojin au smartpass #attack on titan au smartpass #snk au smartpass #aot au smartpass #au smartpass #connie springer #reiner braun #marco bodt #keith shadis #104th training corps

34 notes · View notes

lola-legendary · 10 months ago

Text

Apology Post (with extra info)

TW! Suicidal thoughts/Intrusive thoughts, poor grammar

(Note: Every hate message I receive referring to the post below will be posted here as well. Pin of shame, bastards!)

I edited this lightly to add some extra information and move the TLDR up here, and added a cut.

Now, with the explanation, things have calmed down a bit. However, due to poor conduct, asks are going to be turned off until Sunday (25/2) and anon asks will be on back at 1/3.

If it continues when I resume anon asks, everything will be off again.

TLDR: I felt guilty and my mental health deteriorated because of the war, so I blocked the Palestine tag and received heavy backlash.

So the post I am referring to is this one. (Note: Said post has now been deleted by yours truly.)

Here, I will detail why I made this post, the events leading up to it and the backlash.

Some background information: I am a 14–year-old girl with unmediated anxiety and depression.

I have always been concerned about human rights. Even when I was a child, I would ask my mom, “Why do we have wars? Why can’t everyone get along?”

I tried to write a letter to my principal asking for more extensive sex ed, but scrapped it once I remembered that I was in a catholic school.

And when the Ukrainian war came along - biggest incident since I got access to tumblr - I was a staunch supporter of Ukraine. When I wasn’t in uniform, I made a point to dress in blue and yellow. No one noticed, of course.

In the early days of the Palestinian Genocide, I was eager to reblog any and all information that crossed my dash, even though I knew I couldn’t do anything to help. If you scroll down deep enough, you can find my posts.

However, as time passed and the war went on, whenever I saw those posts, I started getting thoughts to off myself. Those included, though not limited to:

“Oh, wow, look at you scrolling tumblr while millions are dying. Good job you, why don’t you go and join Hitler in hell, you’re contributing to this mess.”

And it got so bad that I would have mini panic attacks whenever I saw some posts like that.

I blocked the tag last year.

At that time, I sent an anonymous ask to @justagingerwithredhair, one of two people I trusted decently with my mental issues.

I can’t find it anymore, but it went something like this:

“Ginger, I’m sorry but I had to block the Palestine tag, it’s detrimental to my mental health and I can’t deal with it anymore”

and it was received positively.

Yesterday (in my timezone), I posted the post seen in the photo. I had not enough brainpower to realise that it could be taken both ways.

I was blocked by at least one person and received the following anonymous ask.

You can see my response in my blog, but I will repeat it again.

I am not a terrorist, a genocidal maniac, an Islamophobic bitch or a Zionist.

I have spoken out against Israel. I watch videos of Islamophobic people with disgust. I was outraged when the Holocaust was not required teaching in my school. I believe the Israeli Government is in the wrong.

If you keep this up I will be the one hanging from buildings.

You have made me write a post about my life that’s longer than 90% of my fanfictions. Congratulations.

@tobefree-in-palestine

#free palestine #palestine

56 notes · View notes

enchxanting · 2 years ago

Text

our love is god [ethan landry]

read part 2 here || all parts

pairing: ethan landry x fem!reader

warnings: nothing yet but this fic is heathers-inspired, so be warned for the future.

author's note: hi guys, long time lurker first time poster. this is my first time WRITING fic so feel free to leave any critique. also i don't know if i did the cut right lol i have a lot planned and hope you like!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Diary,

I should’ve never let Mindy convince me to start this operation.

Sure, it’s nice to have a steady cash flow, but nothing is more aggravating than everyone and their mother asking for doctor’s notes, report cards, prescriptions, and absence notes when I’m just trying to make it to fourth-period math. When I was ten, I expected to use my Nancy-Drew-inspired skills to unearth hidden staircases or find whistling statues, not help someone’s checked-out mom get a Xanax.

Yet I forged three (3) permission slips today. Why? Because, next to mysteries, I love the sweet smell of cash in the morning. Yesterday, I added $150 to the rainy day fund. Hopefully, when the weather’s right, I'll be inspired to buy a car and ditch Woodsboro. This town is fucked, alright. Just ask Chad, Mindy, Sam, or–

“Tara! Jesus Christ!” I rub my leg where her sneaker connected. “What’s your damage?”

“Are you done, Shakespeare? You said you’d get lunch with me like, fifteen minutes ago.”

Tara isn’t so great with patience. But, again, I am not so great at keeping track of time. “Yeah, whatever,” I say. “Let’s go see what they’ve cooked up for us today.”

I follow her through the winding path of tables, chairs, and teenage bodies. As we go, I collect bills from outstretched hands and replace them with papers of varying sizes. Tara turns to smirk at me. “What was the event this time?”

“Oh, you know. It’s report card season, and this school is not known for its stellar GPAs.”

“We just have you to thank for keeping it floating below a 3.0,” she teases. “Tell me, Y/N. Does all that extra brainpower of yours get used up matching the way people dot their i’s and cross their t’s?”

I roll my eyes at her. “Sure, Tara. Let’s just get some lunch. I’m seriously starving.”

We grab trays and join the line, aimlessly chattering about the day. Tara’s been my friend since the beginning of the year when I was the only new kid in a town struck by tragedy. We were the only new buyers in Woodsboro over the summer. The rest are still empty, the memory of last year’s Ghostface attacks having driven out long-time residents.

What’s surprising, though, is that the so-called “Woodsboro Four” are still here. Sure, Sam, Tara, Mindy, and Chad mostly stick together, but despite the terrible tragedy that they witnessed, they let me and Annika, Mindy’s current girlfriend, into their lives. I could never measure up to that. I’m just glad they want to be my friend.

I’m taken out of my musings on friendship when I feel someone’s eyes on my back. Without turning around, I recite my usual speech. “$5 for report cards, $10 for prescriptions and absence notes, and an extra $5 for rush fees.”

“Woah, um, tempting, but I’m not looking for any forgery.”

Confused, I turn around to put a face to an unfamiliar voice. The guy’s tall, almost as tall as Chad, with curly brown hair and brown eyes that widen when I meet them. “Sorry, I was just going to get my lunch, but you dropped some cash back here.”

For some reason, my voice is not working. All I can do is look up at him, suddenly captivated by how shy he seems to be. When I pause for a few moments too long, Tara reaches around and takes the money from his hand. “Uh, thanks. I’m sure my friend here appreciates it. Usually she’s more talkative.”

“Oh, god, yeah, sorry,” I finally get out, stumbling over my words. “Thanks.”

“No problem.” Suddenly, I think he remembers to be bashful and walks away without another word.

When he’s gone, Tara laughs. “God, Y/N, drool much? I’ve never seen you like that before.”

I flush red. “Whatever, Tara, you’re the worst.” I give her a playful shove and walk off to buy my lunch. I hand the money to the cashier, but all I can think about are those big, brown eyes, and I know I’m fucked.

#ethan landry #ethan landry x y/n #ethan landry x reader #scream 6 #scream 2023 #jack champion #heathers #heathers au #high school au #ethan landry fanfiction

245 notes · View notes

qqueenofhades · 6 months ago

Note

Ok, unsolicited rant, I’m sorry in advance. I used to love reading when I was a kid, and read frequently and often. I read a lot and I read books that I wouldn’t be able to understand now, like Anna Karenina when I was 12 (I am a native Russian speaker so it’s not that impressive but still) and a lot of Thomas Mann when I was 17-18.

It’s all gone now. I became extremely picky, but also it seems to be harder for me to understand books now? Like I’ve been trying to read “demons”, “Oliver twist”, “Ulysses” - too hard, and I can’t concentrate and in case of demons there are so many ideas and historical tidbits that I have to sit with Wikipedia and a notebook. And yes, as a kid I would have checked certain things and be able to hold a connection in my memory without a notebook (although I’m not sure if I would have done that with demons in particular, I’m bad at Dostoevsky and hated “crime and punishment”). And it doesn’t matter whether I’m reading in Russian or in English. I almost got it with Arundhati Roy’s “the god of small things”, then there was a very upsetting and triggering scene and I had to put it down.

And if I try to get into something nicer and easier my picky side comes out and I just drop books one after the other. Murderbot diaries and the Locked tomb were the only two books series that captivated me in two years.

Anyway I miss that soothing state of being engrossed with a book. And I so rarely get it now! So I wanted to ask, do you maybe have some advice? I saw your book stack and felt both envy and fear, like I both wanted to read and didn’t. Yikes.

And also, I can still read fic and your fics got me through terrible time and soothed me! So thank you!!!

Aha well. I will say that my current monumental book stack is not technically the norm for me, though I do usually have 3-4 books on the hard-working bedside table and read for several hours every night. Said giant book stack was a confluence of factors (picking up a bunch of holds from the library after asking the people for book recommendations and then going to the bookstore yesterday and hilariously telling myself that I would only get one book max). So it's not like I have ginormous amounts of TBR at all times, and in that giant stack, there are likely to be several books that don't grab me, are not particularly interesting, or technically good and well-written but just not engaging with the Brain Gremlins at this particular point in time. So I will put them down and move onto the next one, and this will keep me from being bogged down, because why read if you're not enjoying it/yourself/the book? It's not a punishment or a character-building ordeal. It's supposed to be fun, and if you're reading things that, as noted in your ask, just aren't grabbing you and feel like a chore, then stop! Find something else that makes the Brain Gremlins go ooooh shiny, regardless of what it is. It doesn't have to be Fine Literature.

I also had to get back into the habit of reading for pleasure, and it took me time and effort to do it due to various external circumstances. From about 2015-19, while I was doing my PhD, I had less than no money and absolutely no spare brainpower, so while I did have a few books that I collected along the way, I barely did any reading for pleasure at all (though I did do a frankly alarming amount of writing, including fic writing). Looking back, that seems insane to me, but it was something that had to change step by step, and it wasn't as if I just finished the PhD and went straight back into pleasure reading. I moved back to the US in 2019 and had a part-time job at a bookstore, which was very dangerous for my minimum-wage paycheck, but it did get me back into the habit of looking at books and reading books and being able to take home advanced-reader copies for free and otherwise start exercising that muscle again. I didn't have a library as an option for quite a while because I was living in a tiny town, then COVID hit, then I moved to another tiny town, where there was at least finally a modest public library at my disposal. But it took time.

Now I live in a city with a great public library where I can get almost anything I want, and I went accordingly hog-wild, but if you don't have readily available reading resources, obviously it's hard to get your hands on stuff that you like and will make the brain gremlins go brrrr. There are some public libraries that offer cards/user privileges even to people who don't live in the geographical area, especially if you are a young adult. Check out Books Unbanned by the Brooklyn, Boston, Seattle, and San Diego (US) libraries, which aims to provide access to ebooks and other digital collection items for young adults facing challenges to access, regardless of where they live. You can get a card up to age 18 from San Diego, age 21 in Brooklyn, and up to 26 for Boston/Seattle.

I also now have a little more disposable income, so I can buy books if I want to, though it's true that I also bought books when I couldn't really afford them (shh). But it's still the fact of my access to a good public library that enables me to have stacks on stacks rotating through the bedside table, and I use it constantly, so there's that. I'm of course very glad to hear that you can still read fic and that you have enjoyed my stuff, but I do also feel that you have to read fic AND books/published writing/stuff that's not fic. So the best way to get back into the habit is by practicing, not forcing yourself into stuff that isn't fun or feels like a slog, and finding a place where you can consistently obtain other stuff that's good for sparking joy. That is not the case for everyone, it will impact what you are able to do, and you should not feel like you have to do some kind of "good" reading model, especially since a lot of people seem to think that what you read is directly representative of your intelligence, moral character, or some other important part of you, and it's not. Humans like stories, the end. We like being given stories, fiction or nonfiction, in a format that we can digest and understand, and we always have. It's that simple.

Basically, I feel like reading for pleasure should indeed be fun, I love reading for pleasure and encourage everyone to do more of it, I now am fortunate to be able to do it extensively, and it has taken work of various kinds to get to that point where I can in fact just set myself up with a ginormous stack and dive in. As noted, however, if any of the books currently on hand are boring or just not doing it for me, I will move onto the next one, because the fun thing is that there are always more. So yes. Go forth and read. Good luck.

#anonymous #ask

24 notes · View notes