#But then you see them again and you are bathed in love love love?

[onebadassunicorn]

His Blue-Eyed Angel

pairing: Azriel x Reader

content warnings: scars, smut - glorious smut!!

word count: 5.1k

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Story tags: @bravo-delta-eccho @tele86 @tiredsleepyhead @celestialgilb @theflowerswillbloom @fuckingsimp4azriel @quiet-because-it-is-a-secret @salvatoresister1 @imperfect0angel @stvrdustalexx @anneas11

Image owned by Velocity Visual Media.

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Chapter 21

Y/n POV

As I closed the door to my room, Azriel stood with his lower back leaning against my dressing table, his muscular arms crossed. 

He was here. 

He was really here. 

My heart pounded at the sight of him, and I swallowed hard, praying he would not see my hands shaking. 

Gods, he was still so sexy. 

Even after six months of being away from him, he still took my breath away. 

Why had nothing changed? 

Since I had been gone for what seemed like an eternity, I had thought my reaction to him might have been milder.  I had spent the last six months convincing myself that he may never want to see me again, that he might simply be a part of my past, never to be a part of my present or future. 

And yet, here he was…back in my life in an instant with that same sense of untamed spirit just seething below the surface.  He had the same hazel eyes that could melt me with just one look and those chiseled cheekbones resembling a God. 

My heart screamed at me to run to him as my fingers itched to touch him…to make sure he was real and not some figment of my imagination. My head, however, told me to stay put and maintain a safe distance.

I slowly crossed the room and stood several feet in front of him, my pulse beating erratically.  He fixed his magnetic eyes on me with a dark stare, sweeping me out of reality and into a wave of emotions I had not felt since the last time I saw him.  His eyes lingered on my curves before he let out a long sigh and finally spoke. “You look amazing, Y/n...”

“Thanks.” I mumbled as I stared down at my feet.  I couldn’t bring myself to look him in the eyes.  I knew if I did, I would get lost in him and to do so again would damn near destroy me. 

I sighed heavily, letting my shoulders drop., before bringing my eyes back to his.  “What did you want to talk about, Az?”

Azriel stood up straight and shoved his hands in his pockets. His eyes, filled with a mixture of guilt and raw emotion, never left mine.

“Us,“ Azriel whispered, his wings tucked tightly behind him, his hands clenched at his sides as if he were bracing himself for what he was about to say. The soft sunlight streamed through the windows, bathing him in a golden glow, but even that light couldn’t soften the tension in his face. I lifted my eyes back to his and he swallowed hard, his eyes fixed on mine.

“I owe you an explanation,” he said, his voice low but steady. “About everything. About Elain. About the way I’ve acted… the way I pushed you away.”

My expression didn’t waver as I tried to hide hurt lingering in my eyes, a wound he had inflicted and hated himself for. He drew in a breath, as if the words he was about to say required all the strength he had.

“Angel,” he began, his voice quiet but steady, “before you walked into my life a year ago, I never… I never believed I was worthy of something like this. Of you. I didn’t think someone like me deserved love, or even a chance at it.” His gaze flickered down for a moment, as if ashamed. “I didn’t do relationships. It wasn’t who I was. I thought it was easier to keep my distance, to let myself be… detached. To keep things simple. Physical. No strings.”

He took a step closer, his shadows stirring faintly around him, mirroring the turmoil he felt. “I had lovers. Many of them, over the years. But that’s all they ever were. I didn’t let them in. I didn’t… feel anything deeper. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to, but I thought falling in love, letting myself be vulnerable—” His voice cracked slightly, and he looked away, his jaw tightening. “I thought it wasn’t meant for someone like me.”

“Elain,” he continued carefully, softly, like it might shatter in the air between us. “She’s… nothing more to me than a friend. She never has been. I thought—at one point—that maybe there was something there, something I could convince myself to feel because it was safe. Easy.” He laughed bitterly, shaking his head. “But that wasn’t real. None of it was. It was an illusion I clung to because it kept me from looking at the truth.”

I swallowed, suddenly feeling a huge lump in my throat.  

“What changed?”

Azriel stepped closer to me and smiled softly.  “You.  You changed everything.”  

His eyes looked down as though was grounding himself for what he said next. “The truth is… I was terrified. Of you. Of how much I wanted you, how deeply you affected me. You came into my life and turned everything I thought I knew upside down. You made me feel things I didn’t think I deserved to feel. And that scared me more than anything.”

His hands clenched at his sides, as if he were holding himself back from reaching for me. “So I pushed you away. I kept my distance. And I used Elain—without realizing it at first—as a shield. But the truth is, Angel, it was never her. It’s you. It’s always been you.”

“I never saw this coming, but now that I’ve had it – I never want to let it go.  I want you and only you, Angel.  You’re all I can think about.” 

Azriel’s eyes found mine again, and this time they held a vulnerability that made my chest tighten. “You shattered every wall I built, without even trying,” he said softly. “You made me want something I never thought I could have. You made me believe that I could be more than the shadows I carry. That I could be… enough.”

 He stepped closer still, his voice dropping to a whisper, raw and full of emotion. “I love you, Angel. Not as a friend. Not as anything safe or convenient. I love you in a way that terrifies me, in a way that’s overwhelming and all-consuming and so much bigger than I ever thought love could be. I love you. And I only ever want you.”

His eyes searched my face as if afraid of what he might find there. “I need you to know the truth, because you deserve that. But you also need to know that those pieces of my past—they mean nothing to me now. They’ve never meant anything, not like this. Not like you.” He stepped closer, his voice trembling with sincerity. “You’re my mate, Angel. My only. And I’ll spend the rest of my life proving that to you, if you’ll let me.”

Azriel closed his eyes for a moment, as if he were gathering strength to ask his next question.  He took a deep breath and slowly opened his eyes. 

“Is there someone else?” His eyes searched mine, his voice barely a whisper.

Azriel let out a shaky breath, his wings trembling slightly behind him as he waited for my response, every ounce of his heart laid bare before me.

I almost choked as the tears began to pool in my eyes before streaming down my cheeks. 

“What?”  

My breath caught in my throat as he closed the distance quickly between us, but he was suddenly so close to me, I couldn’t think straight.  It felt like all the oxygen had been sucked out of the room and all I wanted was to be in his arms again, his body pressed against mine, kissing me until I couldn’t breathe.  

“I have to know,” He asked hoarsely as his hands cupped both of my cheeks, his thumbs wiping away my tears before his hands dropped back to his sides.

“Is there someone else?” 

At that point, my resolve completely obliterated.

“No, Azriel. There is no one else. I can’t love anyone else…because I’m in love with you.” I whispered as my arms fell to my sides, tears falling down my cheeks. 

Azriel wiped my tears. “Baby…please don’t cry.” he whispered  before closing his eyes, touching his forehead against mine, taking in what I had just confessed. We stood there for a few moments just breathing each other in before I got the courage to speak again.

I didn’t want to be afraid anymore. I didn’t want to believe that Azriel, of all people, would reject me. But the fear, raw and real, continued to claw at my heart, and I couldn’t shake the feeling that, one day, he might look at me—and see nothing more than the ugly scars left behind.

“Did you mean everything you just said?”

Azriel opened his eyes and gazed back at me, his face raw with emotion.

“Every. Fucking. Word.”  

He grabbed my hips and pulled me forcefully to him, slamming his mouth against mine in a bruising kiss.  Our kiss accelerated quickly, our lips slamming into each other for fear of this moment ending. My mouth responded hungrily to his and his kisses became deeper, his tongue seeking entry into my mouth…which I eagerly gave him.  As he wrapped his arms around my waist, I plunged my hands up under his shirt, feeling the muscles in his chest ripple under my hands.  He made a growling noise low in his throat as he pulled his mouth away from mine and began to kiss a trail down my neck.  

“Angel…baby” he murmured as he planted thousands of kisses on my tender skin.  “Fuck, I have missed you so much.”

His lips found mine again, his kisses becoming desperate, as if we needed each other more than air. I wrapped my hands around his neck to pull him tighter, trying to remove any space left between us.  His strong hands slid up under my shirt and caressed my back.  The heat of his palms burned my cool skin, and I arched my back into him, feeling his cock harden against me.  I inhaled sharply and felt Azriel smile against my lips, knowing full well the effect he had on me.  It was all I could do to cling to him to stop myself from completely drowning in him as tiny sparks danced across my skin.  

Desire pooled between my legs, and I moaned into his mouth as he claimed mine again and again, running his tongue along my bottom lip before gently sucking on it.  

“Azriel…” I moaned as his mouth continued to devour mine.  His familiar, masculine scent, cedar, shadows and mist, filled my senses and I began to tremble in his arms.  Not from fear or worry, but anticipation and longing. 

As he continued to kiss me, and the world seemed to fade away. His hands moved to cup my face again with a reverence that made my knees weak, as though I were something precious, something unbreakable. I let myself continue to sink into his kisses, into the warmth of his touch, the overwhelming sense of belonging he gave me.

But then, as his hands gently brushed down my sides, I froze. The memory of my scars flashed in my mind like a cruel reminder. The one on my abdomen, a trauma that I would carry for the rest of my life, I couldn’t bear to show him. I pulled away suddenly, my breath shaky, my arms wrapping protectively around myself as if to shield the parts of me I didn’t want him to see.

Azriel’s brow furrowed, his hazel eyes scanning my face with concern. “Angel? What’s wrong?” His voice was soft, as if afraid to startle me

I shook my head, my chest tightening as I struggled to find the words, tears streaming down my cheeks. “I just… I need you to see all of me,” I said, my voice trembling. “Not just the parts that are easy to love. The parts I’ve tried to hide, even from myself. I’ve spent so long feeling… ashamed of this. Of what it represents. But if I want to be with you—really be with you—I can’t hide anymore.”

Azriel exhaled slowly, his eyes never leaving mine. He cupped my face, his thumbs wiping away from my tears.

“Show me,” he whispered softly.

I stepped back, my hands shaking as they moved to the ties of my dress.

Slowly, I pulled the ties of my dress, my fingers fumbling with the fabric as my heart pounded in my chest. I slid my arms out of the sleeves and let the dress to the floor, revealing the jagged scar that stretched across the lower part of my stomach—a mark left by a battle I had barely survived.

******

Azriel POV

Azriel held his breath as her dress fell to the floor, completely naked and bare to him.

Rage rocketed through him as he took in the scar below her navel, just above her pubic bone. A cruel mark that she would never escape.

A scar made using faebane, ensuring she would never heal and would be marked forever.

A word carved into her skin.

Whore.

The fury inside made him tremble.

A wave of protectiveness, so powerful it nearly took his breath away, consumed him. No one, no one, should have ever done this to her. She was the woman he loved more than anything—more than his own life.

“Fuck, baby…” he choked as he gathered her into his embrace, holding her tight against him as she shook in his arms. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered, kissing the top of her shoulder.

He pulled back, lifting her chin with his fingers, his thumb brushing over her cheek to steady himself. His hands, usually so controlled, shook as he held her face. His eyes softened for a moment, the love he felt for her shining through, but when his gaze fell again on the scar, his jaw clenched with a force that nearly cracked his teeth. He couldn’t look at it without feeling a surge of anger, a primal need to protect what was his.

Slowly, with a tenderness that contrasted the fury inside him, he sank to his knees before her and lowered his lips to the scar, pressing a kiss there. His lips lingered for a moment longer than necessary, as if he could somehow erase the pain from her body, but the truth was, he knew he couldn’t.

Azriel looked up at her, his gaze holding hers, his hands on her hips and whispered.

“You’re beautiful. Every single part of you.”

He kissed the length of the scar reverently. As he stood back up, his eyes held hers, his breath was ragged, his eyes dark with an intensity.

“The man who did this to you, whoever thought they could break you, you are strong and fierce, my beautiful mate.  I swear, I will never let anyone hurt you again. No one—no one—touches what is mine.”

His words were fierce, raw with emotion, and as he spoke, he kneeled again to kiss the scar, a slow, deliberate press of his lips, as if to mark it as his own, as if to take back the ownership that had been stolen from her.

Azriel pulled away just enough to look up at her face, his voice now softer, but no less intense. “And I will kill anyone who touches you.”

His gaze filled with a tenderness that seemed to be at odds with the intensity of violence in his promise, but she could see the truth in his eyes. The depth of his love, his protection, and his unwavering devotion. He stood and pulled her close. 

“I love you more than anything. And I’ll burn the world down before I let anyone hurt you again.  You are mine.”

She smiled softly, her eyes darting to the floor.

Gods, if she only knew how being away from her for the past six months was slowly killing him every day.  He lifted her chin back up to look him straight in the eyes.  

“Azriel - “ she started but there was nothing left to say except show her.  He silenced her, pulling her into another kiss.  Her lips were so soft and sweet that he began to feel a rush zip throughout his body.  

She slid her arms back around his neck, pulling him closer until he could feel every curve of her petite body up against him and he began to lose himself in her.  She was like a drug to him, and the more he had of her – the more he craved her.  The pull she had over him was overwhelming and in the past, it had scared him.  But after losing her for months, he was no longer scared. He wanted all of her…body, mind and soul. Her sighs and moans spurred his kisses on as her nails dug into his neck as his lips continued to caress hers.  

And the little sounds she made…fuck.  

He had not even touched her pussy yet and the smell of her arousal mixed with his own, and the taste of her lips were driving him crazy.  As her soft hands moved across his chest, her touch set fire to his skin, leaving him with a desire for her to touch every inch of him.  

He stopped long enough to pull his shirt over his head before his lips landed back on hers. He placed little kisses down her jaw to her neck and then licked the little patch of skin underneath her ear.  It was one of her most sensitive spots and as he licked it, she moaned his name.

Gods, how he loved her moans. 

He worked his way back up to her lips, eliciting a whimper from her that sent him right over the edge.  Desire flooded through him, and he slid one hand up her side cupped her breast.  He ran his thumb across her nipple and felt it harden quickly beneath his touch.  She began to tremble as he continued to kiss her and he felt her body press more into his, completely succumbing to him. 

No longer able to control himself, he slid his hand down to the front of her stomach to the apex of her thighs.  Her body’s response to his was intoxicating and his cock began to throb.  

He wanted to be inside of her.  

Now.

“Az-“

“I know, baby…” I whispered back to her, between kisses.  “I’ve got you.”  

An audible exhale escaped her lips as his fingers slid across her clit. He felt her hold on his neck tighten as he continued his caresses, increasing in pressure with each swipe.  He moved his mouth back to her neck and slowly nibbled and sucked on it. As her moans grew louder, his cock strained against his pants, and he ground it against her. 

He moved away from her clit, slid two fingers inside her and her breath caught.

“Gods baby...you’re dripping wet for me.” 

Fuck, her pussy was soaking wet.

He began to slide his fingers in and out of her.

Silky and tight

He moved his mouth back up to her lips and thrust his tongue into her mouth.  

Mine.  

He was never letting her go again and he would fucking kill anyone who ever tried to take her away from him. 

******

Y/n POV

As I rocked my hips in sync with his hand, it was almost more than I could take. 

“Angel…you are so fucking beautiful.”

Azriel began to kiss a trail down my neck to my breasts. He swirled his tongue around one of my nipples before taking it into his mouth and sucking on it with soft, little tugs. He then swirled his tongue around my nipple again, lightly bit it and pressed his soft lips to it, kissing it to soothe the slight sting of his bite. He was slowly driving me crazy, and I felt wetness trickle down the inside of my thighs as he moved from one breast to the other. 

As he kissed a trail back up to my neck, I tightened my arms around his neck and pressed my hips into his as his fingers continued to slide in and out of me. I felt his hard cock against me, and I could no longer stand his pants between us. 

I had to have Azriel now. 

I was tired of waiting. 

“I need you, Az.”

He pulled back slightly and looked at me, his breathing heavy.

“Say it again…”

I stared back into his hazel eyes, his pupils blown. I pulled him closer and whispered against his lips. 

“Make love to me, Azriel.”

He moaned and kissed me again, sliding his hands under me to grip my ass, wrapping my legs around his waist. He picked me up and carried me over to my bed, laying me down carefully. He stood up and unzipped his pants and slid them down his legs, never taking his eyes off me. His cock sprang free, and my eyes drank in every detail of his gorgeous body. The tip of his thick cock was seeping from the head and just knowing I had this effect on him and his body made me even wetter. 

He climbed over me and laid down with his arms on either side of my head. As he kissed me again, one of his hands caressed down my stomach and I arched my back into him to let him know I wanted his hand to continue roaming down my body. As he reached my pussy, he slid his fingers up and down my clit several times before sliding a finger inside of me. He groaned as he continued to kiss me while inserting another finger inside me, eliciting a whimper from me. 

He pumped his fingers in and out of me several times before moving his fingers back up to my clit, circling it with just enough pressure to make me writhe underneath him. He slid his fingers inside me again, arching them up to hit the spot he knew would soon send me over the edge. I arched my hips against his hand, seeking to satisfy the building release inside of me. Azriel groaned and then stilled his fingers inside of me, pulling back to look me in the eyes. 

“I need to taste you, baby.” His said, his voice deep and dark with desire. “Not only am I going to taste your pretty pussy, I’m going to taste every inch of you.”

Mother above, Azriel had a filthy mouth. 

He slowed the pump of his fingers as he kissed his way down my neck, breasts, and stomach. It felt like he was everywhere at once and my senses were overloaded with his scent, his tongue licking my body and his fingers curved up inside of me as they slid in and out so easily. 

I felt my orgasm begin to build as he made his way down my body. When he reached the apex of my thighs, he settled in between them and latched onto my clit, sucking it into his mouth, alternating with licks up and down. 

“Mmmm.  You taste so fucking good, Angel.”

He lapped, licked and sucked on my clit until my legs began to shake. My breathing grew heavy as I was right on the edge of my release. I closed my eyes and arched my back when he suddenly stopped and pulled his mouth away. I gasped from the sudden removal of his mouth, and I pulled up to lean back on my elbows, clearly annoyed. 

“Az!”

Azriel chuckled, his eyes glinting with mischief.

“Eyes on me, baby. No closing them. I want to watch you fall apart while I am eating this sweet pussy.”

Looking at Azriel as he feasted on me was one of the most raw, intimate things I had ever experienced in my life.  Watching him as he made me come was like baring a part of my soul that would only belong to him and no one else.  

I nodded my head as he began to suck on my clit again, alternating between lapping it with the flat part of his tongue before latching onto it. He pumped his fingers in and out of me faster and his other hand found mine, slowly intertwining our fingers together. It was almost as if he was afraid I’d disappear into thin air. I never knew just how intimate holding someone’s hand could be until now. 

With my free hand, I reached down and ran my hand through his dark wavy hair as he continued, his eyes locked on mine. When he began to moan as if he couldn’t get enough of me, the vibrations sent pulses straight to my clit and I began to shake, my orgasm building at a speeding frenzy. 

He pumped his fingers even faster and whispered.

“Let go, baby.”

Azriel latched onto my clit and sucked hard, ripping my orgasm right from me and sending me over the edge, screaming his name. I kept my eyes on his as long as I could before I became a writhing mess with my head falling back on the bed. He continued to lick me slowly, letting me ride out the pleasure as long as possible before he stopped and slowly kissed his way back up my body. 

******

Azriel POV

The sunlight illuminated the soft curves of her body, and he had never seen anything more fucking sexy than watching her come with his face between her legs. He missed her so much that he wanted to kiss and lick every inch of her body, staking his claim to her and coming inside her sweet pussy, permanently marking her as his.  

As he kissed his way back up her body, his eyes drifted over the cruel scar left behind. He pressed gentle kisses against the scar, against her skin. He let his gaze continue over taut curve of her stomach, the soft swell of her breasts, and her swollen lips from his kisses. He settled between her hips and pulled her hand, still intertwined with his, over her head.  With his free hand, he ran his thumb softly back and forth over her swollen bottom lip. 

“Angel, these past six months have been hell. I can’t eat, can’t sleep, can’t fucking breathe without you. Everything is going to shit because I’m without you.”

She smiled softly, her eyes filling with tears. One slowly slid out of the corner of her eye, and he wiped it away with his thumb. 

“The way you make me feel safe, loved, and seen – even with all of these scars…I don’t even know what to say.” She whispered as she raised up to kiss him softly, tasting herself on his lips. “I love you, Azriel.”

He brushed the hair back out of her face as his beautiful eyes lovingly gaze back at her. “You just said everything I needed to hear.”

Azriel leaned down and pressed his lips against hers, his tongue swiping across her lower lip as she opened for him. Wrapping her legs around his waist, he ground his cock against her core, eliciting a mewl from her. Azriel smiled against her mouth, fully aware of what he was doing as she rocked against him, again desperately seeking that needed friction.

“Az – please,” she panted, her breathing shallow as she writhed underneath him.

He chuckled deeply, as his eyes danced with mischief. “My Angel is so greedy.”

She looked down at his cock, glistening and dripping from the tip and wrapped her hand around him, pumping his shaft with several long strokes. As her hand slid back up to the tip, she rubbed her thumb in a circle over it and slid it back down again.

And that was Azriel’s undoing.

Growling, his restraint snapped as he grabbed her hand away from his cock, intertwined his fingers with hers and pushed both of her hands above her head. He lined up the head of his cock with her entrance and pushed into her in one thrust. Her breath caught, and they both moaned as he seated himself inside her.

Fuck, she was so tight around him.

He stilled as she adjusted to the size of him, kissing and licking her neck.

“Azriel-I need –“

He brought his mouth back to hers and kissed her long and slow. “I know, baby. I know.”

He started thrusting inside her, slowly, almost pulling completely out before he slid back in again. He wanted her to feel every inch of him moving inside her. He moved his hands to her waist and wrapped them around each side, watching the outline of his cock sliding up inside her abdomen.

“Fuck, Angel – look at you.  Taking my cock so well.” He murmured, his hazel eyes darkening as he gazed down at his cock sliding in and out of her.

Her breathing became heavier as her blue eyes darkened, full of love and desire for him.

He could get lost in those eyes for the rest of his life.

He picked up his pace as thrust into her, the head of his cock dragging against the walls of her pussy, as he bent one of her knees so he could thrust deeper inside of her.

He felt her pussy tighten against him and he knew she was close. Her gasps of pleasure were music to his ears, and her body’s responsiveness to him was addicting.

As if she were made just for him.

And at that moment, he decided he could spend the rest of his life between her legs and die a happy man.

The room was filled with the soft sounds of their lovemaking, the creaking of her bed, the rustle of the sheets, and the sounds of wet flesh as his cock thrust into her.

He had dreamt of this moment for so long and it was all he could do to hold on.

“Come for me, Angel. I want to see you come all over my cock.”  He commanded as he stared down into this blue eyes.

That was all it took for her to go over the edge, screaming his name as her head tilted back, writhing underneath him. Her walls fluttered around his length as she rode wave after wave of ecstasy.

Watching her fall apart for him, he followed her over the edge, her name a whisper on his lips as he emptied himself inside of her.

As he pulled out from her and laid on his back, tucking her into his side and grazed his fingers across her lower back, he felt the weight of his devotion, the depth of his passion and the breadth of his love for her. He whispered his love to her, his voice hoarse with emotion, and her response was a soft, sweet whisper that sealed their love.

And in that moment, he knew, that she was his forever.

He was finally home.

[ladykailitha]

The Caged Bird Still Sings Part 17

Sorry to leave you on that cliffhanger. If I hadn't screwed up you would have only had to wait a week instead of two. But tada! The mysterious [REDACTED] from WIP Wednesday.

Steve recovers from his no good horrible bad day with the help of those who love him.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16

~

Steve raised his head and peeked out of the covers. “Eddie? How are you here?”

Eddie was at his side in an instant. “Hey, sweetheart,” he murmured, stroking Steve’s hair. “The tour is over beautiful. It’s coming home day, did you forget?”

“Mr. Munson,” Bob said, moving away from the bed. “We were trying to get him up before you came back. But it was harder then we planned.”

“You did an admirable job,” Eddie assured him. He turned back to Steve. “Robin told me about what happened. I’m sorry, little Canary. I wish I could have protected you from that.”

Steve let out a little whimper.

“What’s your name?” he asked Rosa and when she supplied it, he said, “would you go a draw a bath for Steve? I don’t think he’s up for a shower.”

She hastened to do as he asked.

“Bob, go ring up the kitchen and have them prepare a light meal. Soup, salad, chicken that’s light on the sauce. Anything that wouldn’t hurt an already upset stomach.”

Bob nodded and moved over to the desk phone to do just that. Eddie carefully removed the blankets as they were sticking to Steve’s skin.

He picked him up and carried him to the bathroom where he stripped Steve of his underwear and socks and lowered him into the bath.

“You just stay there, and I’ll be right back to wash your hair, mmk?”

Steve nodded and dumped half the bottle of bubbles into the water causing Eddie to laugh.

Steve laid his head back on the rim of the bathtub with a sigh. He could feel the heat of the water seep into his bones and muscles as he relaxed for the first time since he was forcibly vacated from his job.

Eddie came back in a moment a later and knelt behind Steve’s head. He tipped Steve’s head forward as he poured water over his hair. Steve hissed as the warm water hit his head a shoulders.

“Is it too hot, sweetheart?” Eddie asked gently, stopping his pouring.

“No,” Steve assured him. “I just wasn’t expecting it. It felt good.”

He smiled and began pouring again, once Steve’s hair was completely wet, he added shampoo to his hands and scrubbed it through his hair. He rinsed out the shampoo and washed it again. He continued to do this until all the stickiness had been washed out of the hair. He grabbed the conditioner and ran it gently through Steve’s hair, massaging his scalp.

“You think you can scrub yourself while that sets, beautiful?” he asked, getting to his feet. “I need to go see about your dinner.”

Steve nodded and set to work doing just that. Eddie patted the edge of the tub and walked out, leaving him to finish cleaning himself off. The bubbles almost towered of the top of the water, making the work harder and more fun. He had built a tower of foam by the time the other man came back.

“Someone is having fun,” he huffed and Steve smiled for the first time in days. “Let’s get your hair rinsed and you toweled off. Your friends have gone for now, but they promised to be back after you eat.”

“Okay.”

Once his hair had been rinsed out, he got out of the tub and toweled off, slipping on the yellow frilly robe Eddie had got for him the day he met Robin. He buried his nose into the collar and breathed in the scent of lavender soap that Rosa always used when doing his laundry.

He walked out of the bathroom to find that his bedding had been replaced and the floors cleaned. The carpet was still damp in places where it had been scrubbed.

“Sorry about that,” he muttered going over to sit on the chair.

“It’s all right, little Canary,” Eddie said gently stroking his wet hair. “You shouldn’t have had to go through that. I’m sorry that you had to at all.”

They ate in silence and then Steve’s friends came back in and Eddie slipped out so that Steve could talk to them.

“He’s a good man,” Rosa said firmly. “But I thought he was, eh? Primo?”

Bob grimaced. “That was just something to help keep Steve safe. He’s more...” he waved his hand back in forth, “novio? Ish?”

Steve snorted.

He wasn’t sure there was a term in Spanish for what Eddie was to him. Hell he wasn’t even sure there was one in English. Or at least not a polite one, anyway.

“You let him take care of you,” Rosa huffed, “and I won’t get some many grey hairs, yes?”

Steve burst out laughing. “If you wanted more money to pay your hairdresser, Rosa, you should have asked. I would have been tipping bigger.”

She swatted at him with her towel, but they were both smiling at each other, so Steve considered it a win.

Once they were satisfied he was going to be fine, they left him alone. He let out a shuddering breath and let out all his emotions that he had bottled up since the incident at work. He let out another breath and then another. He was amazed at the end that he wasn’t a sobbing mess.

Steve got up and called Robin.

“Steve!” she admonished. “God, I was starting to get really worried about you. Are you okay? Do you need anything?”

“I’m fine,” he assured her. “I just needed some time to process what happened. It was so messed up. I mean Tommy and I were assholes in school, but we wouldn’t have pulled something like that. That’s insane!”

“Yeah,” Robin said slowly like the word was dragged out of her. “I was thinking about that too. Like, yeah there was some bullying, but the usual shoving people against lockers and giving them wedgies, but this? This feels malicious in a way I have no words for.”

“It feels like something my dad would do.”

That statement hung between them for a moment and Robin’s breath stuttered at the weight of it.

“Shit, Steve,” she whispered. “I–I just never realized how bad things were you with your parents. I guess I pushed how bad it must have been for you under a rug in my head because I didn’t want to face how badly you’ve been treated. I’m sorry.”

Steve let out a long suffering sigh. It had always been the point of contention among all the kids, most of the adults, and yes even Robin, that they just didn’t understand what Steve was going through.

“I’m not sure it’ll make you feel better,” she said softly, “but according to your little nuggets, Hopper downplayed the argument he had with Joyce.”

Steve blinked for a moment as he tried to remember her saying something about that. The way she had first said it made it sound like that they merely had had a conversation and Joyce had agreed to back off.

“Oh?”

“Yeah,” she hedged. “So Will said that they had a really bad fight. Hop was saying that if she hadn’t been such a hard ass on you about the job, you wouldn’t have gotten assaulted twice. Joyce complained, saying that he had just told her who was bankrolling your stay, this would have never happened.”

Steve closed his eyes and flopped on the bed. “Shit.”

“It gets worse,” she said dryly.

“How could it possibly be worse than that?” he asked, suddenly sitting up.

“Hop told her that she would have behaved badly if she knew who had rescued you,” Robin continued. “She didn’t like that. She said that she didn’t care who was taking care of you as long as she had a name.”

Dread pooled in Steve’s stomach and began to twist. “He told her, didn’t he?”

“Yeah,” she said softly, “and as predicted she flipped her shit. Hopper told her the ‘you waiting for Monty to get off work’ line so you could spend the night at his place. But know she thinks he’s your sugar daddy and blew up at Hop for thinking that was appropriate to have around Ellie.”

“She didn’t.”

“She did,” Robin said. “Hopper pointed out that not only had Eddie been on tour for three months he’d been taking care of you, but that marrying someone rich and letting them take care of you wasn’t the sin everyone made it out to be.”

Steve did a fist pump. “Score one for Hopper! That’s incredible.”

“Yeah,” she sighed wistfully. “And then he told her that he would trust you and Eddie before he trust you with anyone else in the whole god damned town!”

“Wait,” Steve said, suddenly frowning, “Will told you all this?”

“Ellie, too,” Robin said warily. “The whole thing was a shit show and right now Hop and Joyce aren’t talking.”

“Thanks for the heads up,” he muttered. “How are the rest of the kids taking it?”

“Like even Mike is on your side,” she huffed with a bitter laugh. “Which is really saying something. But I think the most surprising is that Jonathan is mad at her for the whole thing. Apparently he had been trying to warn her for awhile. He said he suspected it might be someone like Eddie who was helping you out. Which blew everyone else’s mind let me tell you.”

Steve chuckled, twirling the phone cord around his finger. “You’ve got to be careful, it’s always the silent types that surprise you.”

“Yeah, sure,” Robin scoffed. “But anyway, I’m glad you’re feeling better. You up for a BBF day?”

“Not to today,” Steve said with a sigh. “Maybe tomorrow, but I wanted to let you know that I was alive and that you didn’t have start planning a funeral or some shit.”

“Message received loud and clear,” she said cheerfully. “And thanks for the heads up. You have a nice pamper day and call me tomorrow, okay?”

“Roger that!” Steve said, a smile on his face. “Bye!” He hung up and flopped on the bed again. He stared up at the ceiling in awe. He never meant for Hopper and Joyce to blow up at each other like that. He just wanted her back off and now...

“I can hear you catastrophizing from here,” a warm voice said with a chuckle. “It’s not your fault with what happened between Hop and Joyce Byers. She shouldn’t have kept pushing like she did.”

Steve scrambled to wrap the robe around his waist as the belt had come loose during his talk with Robin, showing a lot more than was probably decent for company.

“Sorry,” he said sheepishly coming over to sit in the chair across from the sofa. “I forgot you were coming back in everything that was going on.”

“That’s okay, little Canary,” Eddie said with soft smile. “You needed the comfort of your friends and I’m happy you’re up and doing better. You’ve got color back in your cheeks. You were so pale when I came in.”

Steve blushed adding more color to his cheeks.

“I’ve got a room across the hall from you,” he murmured, “so if you need anything, just come on over. I’ll be in most of the time, but I would like to visit family a little while I’m in town.”

“Oh gosh!” Steve gushed. “Of course. I’m not your keeper, you can come and go how ever you like. I’ll just do what I always do.”

“Which is what exactly?” he asked with a dimpled grin. Steve wanted to bite them. “I’ve been out of touch for awhile.”

“This and that,” he said with a shrug. “I draw some, I go see movies, I’ve been trying all sorts of hobbies and things. My latest is learning how to skateboard. One of the kids I used to babysit is teaching me.”

“That explains all the purchases at the skate shop then,” he said with a wink. He patted the seat next to him. “Come sit by me. I think we have a lot to talk about.”

Steve chewed his lip for a moment and then nodded. He got up and slunk over to the sofa and sat down. He turned to face him and put his elbow on the back cushion, drawing his knee up under him.

“I’ve spoken to Hopper,” Eddie said, “and he agrees with me that you should remain here in this hotel room at least until the whole mall thing blows over. And by that I mean you’re free to go, but you’ll still be living at the hotel in this room, specifically.”

Steve let out a long shuddering breath. “That’s a relief honestly,” he said with sigh. “I like the people here. I feel safe here.”

“I’m glad,” Eddie said with a warm smile. “As for what happens in the future is going to be play by ear. The rest of the band in town visiting their families, too. In fact everyone but me got their own old rooms back.”

“Oops!” Steve said with a grimace. “No takesbackies!”

Eddie laughed, throwing back his head. “Never. I like how you decorated the place so I’m not going to force you to move.”

“Thanks for everything,” Steve murmured, bumping their shoulders together. “With the hotel room and the money and the car, my dad still hasn’t found out where I am. Which apparently is making family dinners very tense.”

“They think the bouncer...” Eddie said snapping his fingers, “what was his name?”

Steve smiled. “Monty.”

“Monty!” he crowed. “That’s it! So they think ole Monty has you stashed away somewhere?”

“Pretty much!”

“Well, I think once people start seeing me around town,” Eddie said seriously, “they might put two and two together. But as I said for the long term this is your home, until we can find you something safer.”

“Yeah,” Steve said, breathing a sigh of relief. “Can I tell people who my mysterious benefactor is now?”

Eddie laughed again. “Yeah, sure, little Canary you can tell whoever you want.”

~

Tag List: CLOSED

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3- @goodolefashionedloverboi @val-from-lawrence @carlyv @wonderland-girl143-blog @irregular-child

4- @bookbinderbitch @bookworm0690 @forgottenkanji @yikes-a-bee @awkwardgravity1

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10- @fearieshadow @kultiras @thesecondfate @tartarusknight @genderless-spoon

[hannamoon143]

Die with a Smile

Nobody‘s promised tomorrow

So imma love you every night like it‘s the last night

Cause i wanna hold you just for a while, and die with a smile

༘⋆ ❅ ･:*:｡ ❆

Words: 5,2k

Genre: angst, fluff, comfort(…?), christmas

Hyunjin x fem. Reader

Warnings: Cancer!!!! So sickness, food, crying, sickingly sweet fluff, fears, , all i want for christmas by mariah carey (yes that needs a warning),death,non-sexual nudity (they r just bathing), cinnamon (sorry but- warning needed),

A/n: hi! I had so much fun writing this, and it‘s also for the StayblrHolidayEvent . I hope yall enjoy this also since it‘s my first christmas fic. Also as u can see it’s a bit inspired from die with a smile (bruno mars & lady gaga). Basically It’s just those lines i wrote over there kinda inspired me how to write the emotions and thoughts and stuff. So now, take ur hot chocolate, a fuzzy blanket and read! Merry christmas and happy holidays to yall🎄💕✨

You were laying down next to hyunjin, watching the other guys in front of you, while he was sketching most probably them or the decorated livingroom, or just the whole scene in front of him. Felix, Chan and Minho had come over, and now they were laughing as they decorated your tree, the rest of the livingroom, and singing christmas songs. The christmas joy had definitely taken over them, also if you couldn‘t really feel anything of it.„Don‘t you wanna get up and help them?“ Hyunjin mumbled quietly to you, not looking up from his sketch. He did that so often lately. He sketched simple scenes or things he saw, shutting almost everything else out. As if he wanted to remember everything to the smallest detail. „No, i‘m good here with you.“ You responded, laying your head on his shoulder. He sighed quietly, and kept drawing in silence for a while, the only noise was the guys bantering and christmas songs playing in the background. Then he spoke up again, quietly. „Y/nnie, you don‘t have to always sit around me and baby me alright? Don‘t think i don‘t know why you are doing this, and don‘t think i didn‘t hear you crying in the bathroom. I‘m well aware of the situation, but why can‘t we just make the best out of it? I feel like all this is getting to you more than to me, when it‘s literally me who is going to die.“ You froze at his words.

Last christmas, hyunjin had been diagnosed with cancer, and the worst was it was a type that could never be healed. They had told you that he had about one more year to live. That time you broke down entirely, and already there it was you who seemed to be more affected than him. But over a bit time you started acting normal again, not constantly being around him and doing everything for him. But now the year was coming to an end, and christmas was standing on the frontdoor. With that everything came back. You suddenly were all over him, not once leaving his side, and everytime he wanted to get up or something you pressed him down and did whatever he wanted to do for him.

The worst was you could feel it. Somewhere inside you had always hoped that the doctors were just wrong and hyunjin wouldn’t die in the next sixty years. But you saw that they were right. The way he slowly began to always eat a bit less than before, the way the circles under his eyes got darker, and his cheekbones more visible. You hated it. You didn’t hate him of course, you could never, but you hated this stupid cancer and what it was doing to your hyunjin. It was taking him painfully slow out of this world. With him getting worse you were too. You wanted to be strong for him, and for him to have the happiest last christmas ever but you couldn’t help it, the weight of the fact that soon he wouldn’t be there anymore was dragging you down too much, when you knew that it only hurt him more to see you like this, altough you always tried to hide it.

So there you were now. You stiffened and took your head off his shoulder, to look him in the eye. „Don‘t say it like that hyun-“

„No, i will in fact say it like that, cause i‘m not gonna lie to any of us for longer.I know that i‘m going to die, and you know it too okay? So why can‘t we enjoy the time left, and just do everything like we used to, instead of you constantly acting like i‘m some kind of fragile doll that could break at any moment? You acting like a overprotective mom isn‘t gonna change a single thing, as much as it hurts to hear that. Think about it y/n. Because i don‘t want to sit on this couch or in my bed the rest of my life. I‘m not doing this y/n.“ His voice was thick with emotion, and he had kicked his sketchbook away. He stood up, in fact needing a bit time to get up, and to lean onto the wall, but he went into your room, shutting the door. You stared at the closed door, with an empty hollow gaze. The other guys now excused themself and left. But before he left, chan said to you with a guilty smile: „Not everything he said is true, but you should think about some parts. Bye y/nnie.“

Now you were left alone in the silence. Hyunjin’s sketchbook was laying open on the floor, and the pages were a bit scaped now. He was going to be mad at himself for that later. You picked it up, wanting to close it, but then you saw his sketch from today. It wasn’t the scene in front of him, it was you, looking a bit sad. Under the drawing he wrote

My sad girl, 2024

When is she gonna be my happy girl again?

A tear ran down your cheek. He was always very empathetic and he hated when you felt down. Why hadn‘t you thought of the fact that you being like this only weighed him more down?

You cuddled up under the blanket that was still warm from hyunjin, tears slowly falling down. You knew he was right. Of course he wanted to enjoy his life, as long as he was still able to. Because no matter what you were going to do, it wasn‘t gonna change anything anyways, so why not enjoy instead of being sad and regretful when he was still with you, still breathing, still being able to smile at you?

After a while you could finally get yourself to go to him again. You braced yourself and got up, knocking on the door of your shared room. He just faintly sniffled. You opened the door slowly, seeing him huddled up under a blanket. He was crying, and it broke your heart. Hyunjin was a sensitive guy, and he hated arguing with loved ones more than anything, so you should have known that this would get to him, also if he was acting careless and tough. You kept being quiet, just sitting down on your side of the bed. You started stroking his hair, at wich he only started crying more. After a while of being like this in silence, the only sounds his quiet crying and the air cnditioner in the background, he lowered the blanket and looked at you with red eyes. „I don‘t want to die either y/n. I just… i‘m trying to be strong cause you are hurting so much,and i‘m so sorry for leaving you alone my love-“ His voice broke, and more tears spilled over onto his red cheeks. You opened your arms for him, and he didn‘t hesitate. He immediately moved a bit so his head was laying on your chest now. Quickly you wrapped your arms around him, kissing his head, while a few tears trailed down your cheeks too. Of course you knew. „I know, i know hyunnie. But you don‘t need to be strong all the time. I can‘t cure the cancer, but we are in this together. You can tell me how you feel, and i will give you space when you need it, but be by your side whenever you want it too. And i also promise to not act like a overprotective mom anymore.“ He chuckled a bit through his tears at that, wich made you do so too. „See, everything‘s okay. You are not alone, and as long as we can spend time together, i’ll be with you, trying to make your time left the best you ever had. How about tomorrow we make a christmas day? Like we go to the christmas market, bake gingerbread in the afternoon and sing christmas songs, all while we have ugly christmas sweaters on?“ you both started laughing, the tears finally stopping. He nodded,his face squished against your hoodie now, and his breathing was evening out. Maybe you really shouldn‘t take everything that serious. Because now it wasn‘t that point where you would have to say goodbye. You had no idea how much, but you had some time left to spend together, and you would try to make the best out of it. You would love him till the very end, and even after that, you‘d still do so. And as long as he was next to you would also tell him that, and make sure that when he had to go, he would do so in peace. So you closed your eyes, and in this little moment, everything that mattered was hyunjin, entirely squished against you, and you, holding him, as long as you could. The stars could have looked down at you two that night, and altough hyunjin was sick, and paths of the tears that you both cried earlier still lingered on your cheeks, they would have seen you two shine brighter than ever, the light not leaving, as long as you were together.

Prove reading done* until there ^

The next morning you woke up, a white comforter draped over you, and you almost had a heart attack when hyunjin was nowhere near. But then you saw him, walking in with a big grin, and one of the matching ugly christmas sweaters you had bought together sometime on.You started laughing, still half asleep and in a groggy voice. „You look…. Interesting.“ hyunjin laughed and threw something at you. It was your christmas sweater. You sighed, and you did your best to put a serious face on. His smile dropped. „Oh no- no- don‘t say you changed your mind.“ You broke out in a laugh and jumped up, putting the sweater over your pajama shirt. „God you are going to make me die even sooner with the heart attacks you give me.“ Hyunjin dramatically exhaled, gripping his chest. You just rolled your eyes at that. You were glad he was his usual dramatic self, the weight in the room that you both somehow created the past weeks, seemingly gone, replaced by a lighthearted joyful mood.

So you dressed the rest of yourself, grabbed your things and left the apartment with hyunjin. He had insisted to eat waffles at his favorite coz cafe around the corner, and not have one of your healthy breakfasts at home. You had given in, so now you were walking there, both wrapped up in coats, and fuzzy scarfs. It was cold outside, and the wind blew. There were faint smells of gingerbread and cinnamon in the air, telling you it was really getting christmas now. Well christmas was already tomorrow so how could it be different? You went into the cafe and hyunjin picked a spot at the window. On the pastell green walls there were everywhere pretty pictures, and the chairs were all different, each one looking vintage and really comfy. You ordered two waffles and two hot chocolates. As you sat there in the cozy fluffy chair, you looked at him. He looked the same as yesterday, and the days before but something was different. It wasn‘t the pink shade on his nose from the cold, or neither the Christmas sweater. No, it was that his eyes sparkled. They sparkled like they didn‘t in a long time. Maybe he was right? Maybe this was what he needed, not your experimental healthy food (that didn’t even taste good, eugh) and constant sitting around at home. Hyunjin shook you out of your thoughts. „Why are you staring?“

You shook your head with a little smile. „You‘re pretty today.“

He just laughed, assuming you were joking because of the sweater.

Your waffles and hot chocolate were served and hyunjin got excited like a kid, and immediately started munching them. You giggled, and secretly took a picture with your phone. Then you started eating too. The waffles tasted like christmas and happiness. You had never eaten such good waffles before. Maybe it was also just the feeling to sit here and eat them with hyunjin, entirely lighthearted and happy for the first time in weeks. As you were highly concentrated on your food, hyunjin suddenly spoke up. „I love you, you know that? And i always will, even when you can‘t see me anymore. But don‘t worry, i‘ll look at you getting older, achieving your dreams, and doing everything you want to, because i know you’ll do so well, even without me. And i‘ll protect you, from wherever i will be going. You‘ll always be my muse y/n.“ He sounded sincere, not sarcastic like when he was being dramatic, though he kept on eating his waffles, like he didn‘t just say something that almost made you cry and want to hold him for the rest of your life. You looked at him, tears building up a bit behind your eyes. „Hyunnie… I love you too, and always will. I don‘t know if i ever can fully move on though,… because i will always think of you when i look at the moon shining bright on the dark night sky, or when i look at the town around christmastime, everything tinted in a soft glow and everything smelling like gingerbread.“ You said, but you weren‘t as desperate and almost seeming like you would break down at any moment, like it was just a few days ago when he started talking about his death. No, you were calm, and a little, sad smile played on your lips. He was done with his waffles now, and leaned over the table to cup your cheek in his warm hand. „It‘s okay y/nnie. Grieving i a natural and healthy part of when someone you love is dying. And it‘s okay to cry, scream or vent to someone. But please don‘t do all that alone hm? I talked to the boys a few days ago, and they have all grown so close to you too over the years, they will support you, and you can grieve together. Know that you are not alone y/n, never. And i‘ll always be somewhere in there.“ He pointed at where your heart was. „And you are the strongest, bravest woman i know, so i know that you will be able to somewhat move on someday. Oh but i have one little request. Please never forget me, no matter what you choose to do in the future. I like the idea of you being reminded of me when looking at the moon or while the christmas season. I hope you are being reminded of me in a good way though, and not like a haunting nightmare way.“ He chuckled at the last part a bit. And you smiled too.

„I would never forget you love, and don’t worry about it, you‘ll always be my dream, never my nightmare.“

„Oh but one more thing. Don’t be afraid of me dying, while i’m still here. Everything is gonna be okay.“ He smiled. You both looked into each other‘s eyes for a moment there, and it felt like nothing else was existing right now. No other people, no sadness, and no cancer. Just hyunjin‘s mesmerizing dark eyes looking into yours.

You two were walking out the cafe, hand in hand, now going to the little christmas market hyunjin adored since you took him there for the first time. Since then he didn‘t spend a singly christmas season without going there.

Your breaths were coming out in little white clouds, and you put your head on hyunjin‘s shoulder. He took his hand out of yours,and instead lovingly wrapped his arm around your waist, pulling you close, and pressing a kiss to your head. You loved when he did that. If only you could stop time now, and walk in the joyful town forever with your boyfriend.

But soon you heard happy children‘s laughter, and smelled cinammon. No doubt that there was the christmas market. Hyunjin started smiling like crazy. He loved the fact that he got to see this for the last time with you. No, he wouldn’t be sad that it was the last time today, and regret things. No, he would just be so, so glad to spend this day here, forgetting the cancer that usually weighed him down, for a while. It seemed like a gift that he got this day, being with his favorite person in probably his favorite place.

Soon enough he saw a stand, with cute handmade christmas decorations. He immediately went over there, and made a adorable noise.

„Looooook y/n, it‘s a ferret with a scarf, and it looks like my scarf! We need to adopt him and hang him on our tree. I feel our bond, so no arguing on this one.“ He said dead serious. You laughed, looking at the ferret. You almost forgot how excited hyunjin always got at the christmas market, and how you had to convince him to not buy literally everything he saw. But you nodded on this one, the little deco really looking a bit like hyunjin right now, with his cute red nose and the adorable smile on his face. He went to the man who was selling it, and even gave him more money than the ferret costed. The guy happily wished him merry christmas and waved. Hyunjin just loved to make people happy, and why not do that especially now? He took your hand in his again, walking by the other stands, the shimmer of the fairylights hanging on all the stands mirroring the one in his eyes. As you were slowly walking, you, literally trying to convince hyunjin to not buy a gigantic wolf statue from the eighteenth century for chan(He was so silly, he had to gift everyone the most random things for christmas with the simple explanation: I saw that and thought of you), you suddenly felt something cold on your face. Hyunjin seemed to feel it too, because he looked up and immediately his whole face lit up even more if that was possible. „Omg Y/n it‘s snowing! This is just a perfect day, even the weather with it‘s beautiful snow is on our side.“ He talked, not really paying attention to what he was saying, just mesmerized by the white crystals.

Sometimes you took a bit time, just to admire the way he got excited over little things, in a way you would usually see it only with kids. Those moments, when joy was literally radiating from him you felt so much love and admiration for him that you could combust. You just wanted to snap a hundred pictures with that adorable smile and the shine in his eyes, and keep them forever in your heart. You brushed his hair out of his face, and your hand lingered on his cheek for a bit longer. „You‘re right hyun, this is the perfect day.“ You whispered. He just continued smiling, then lowered down to kiss you. You didn‘t feel the cold snow on your skin anymore, only your boyfriends soft lips, that tasted like cinammon and warmness, pressed to yours. As you pulled away, your foreheads were resting against each other, and you felt his warm breath on your face. „Let‘s go home now, then we can bake gingerbread and show mini Jinnie his new home.“ you giggled at his words, and nodded, your eyes not leaving his.

You walked through your apartment door, both of you giggling like lovesick fools. You took your shoes and coat off, but suddenly your feet got sweeped off the floor, and you were being carried by hyunjin. „Yah, stop it!! The doctor said no heavy lifting!“ You slapped his arm in an attempt to make him let you down but you couldn‘t even hold in your own laugh. He shook his head and dramatically said: „If not now, then when should i carry you bridal style, my lady?“ You playfully slapped his arm again and threw your head back in laughter. He just fondly smiled, lowering his head down to kiss you on the cheek, and then he carried you into the kitchen. The other guys seemed to also have decorated the kitchen because beautiful fairy lights were hung over the stoves, and some more decoration, including a mistletoe, was placed perfect. When hyunjin stopped under the mistletoe you started shaking your head. „No jinnie don‘t. Please, that‘s so cheesy,don‘t do it.“ You whined, knowing exactly he would in fact do it.He grinned and asked „May i?“ He didn‘t wait for an answer, he just softly laid his lips on yours, the kiss so tender like always. Both of you closed your eyes, and you wrapped your arms around his neck. After a while you slowly pulled away, and he murmured a soft „love you my muse“. You hid your face in the crook of his neck, smiling. „Love you too hyunnie“ your words were muffled against his sweater, but he didn‘t mind. He wouldn‘t want to be anywhere else in the world right now.

You went into the kitchen, and hyunjin let you down. You started preparing everything for gingerbread, and soon christmas songs were filling the air. With the fairy lights on, everything was tinted in a soft, cozy glow.

As you were just done with the dough and had placed it to rest somewhere ‘all i want for christmas‘ started playing. „Oh my favorite christmas song.“ He chimed, preparing a spoon as a microphone. You looked at him in shock. „Sorry what?? Don‘t tell me we are together for literally six years, and i had no idea that your favorite christmas song is all i want for christmas. How can you have these muscles, and act all flirty but suddenly be like a lovesick teeny girl?“

A endearing pout played on his lips. „It‘s a classical, don‘t judge me!“ You sighed but started giggling. As the refrain of the song came, hyunjin threw his hair back (Nuh uh seriously, who was this diva?) and he began to loudly sing into the spoon. You laughed, but couldn‘t resist him. You grabbed a spoon toom, and put it up to your mouth, singing along with him. He then wrapped his one arm around your waist, and with the other one he held his ‘microphone‘ , singing „All i want for christmasss is youuuuu“ And then pointing at you. You started dancing around together too. In a little clumsy pirouette move, where you would never think this man was a professional dancer, Hyunjin accidentally threw a bag of flour off the stove. In only a few seconds you both and the whole floor were coated in a thick layer of flour. For a moment you were both flabbergasted, but soon you bursted out laughing, and hyunjin just kept singing like it was nothing. This whole moment felt so heartwarming and silly, you just knew this was one of those moments you would still think of in twenty years. Hyunjin ended his little concert with one more time singing the refrain line and then he picked you up and swirled you around, the flour flying around in the air. You squealed, not expecting it, wich only made him chuckle. As he let you down again, he pulled you close again, pressing a kiss to your forehead, not caring that now flour was on his lips.„I love you so much.“

You giggled, wrapping your arms around him, so now you were both wrapped up tightly in each others embrace, not caring about the fact that you were just distributing the flour even more.

„You said that so often today.“

„Yes because i never ever want you to forget it, alright love?“ he held you jut a bit tighter, and you felt his nose nuzzling against your neck.

„alright.“

„Good. Let‘s just stay like this for a little while longer? You look cute in flour.“

„As long as you want to.“ you smiled softly and laid your head against his chest, feeling his heartbeat.

After a while the flour got a bit itchy though, you both had to admit. So you went into your room, getting some clothes for you and hyunjin, while he went into the bathroom to run a bath. You took your matching christmas pajamas, the fluffy one with gingerbread men on it. As you came into the bathroom, hyunjin was turning on the water, putting some of your favorite cinammon-bath salt in it. He had also lit some candles, and turned off the big light, so the whole bathroom was tinted in golden light. You both undressed, and you stepped into the tub first, sitting down at the end of it. Hyunjin waited and raised a brow. „Don‘t you want me to sit behind you like usual? You always like when i massage your scalp, or your tense shoulders“ You gently smiled up to him. „Today i‘m gonna do all that for you. It was so wonderful to just forget everything today, and with the christmas market and the snow, everything was just perfect. But you‘re still my sick baby. So sit down, today it‘s me who is gonna massage your scalp.“ Hyunjin‘s eyes filled with tears, and a fond smile crept up to his lips. He got into the bathtub too, sitting down between your legs, like you usually did with him. You soon gently started to run your fingers through his hair, and he closed his eyes, cherishing the feeling. After a while you felt his muscles completely relax, and his breathing get slow and steady, almost like his body was melting into yours. You held him tight, one hand still in his hair, and from time to time you kissed his shoulder, like he always did to you.

After a while when you almost thought he had fallen asleep he murmured: „The water‘s getting cold.“

You hummed. „Let‘s get out, and get you to sleep jinnie.“

„But the gingerbread.“ He mumbled, but his eyes were already closed. You smiled and he whined as you got up and out of the tub. „We can still make the little gingerbread men, and ferrets and whatever you want, tomorrow.“ You took a fluffy towel, and wrapped it around yourself. Then you got another one, and tried dragging hyunjin out of the water.

„But then it‘s already christmas day. That‘s against the rules my lady.“ You chuckled at his sleepy confused mumbling. „We are making our own rules.“ You took the towel and slowy dried him off. Then you softly pushed him down to sit on the bathtub edge and put him on his pajamas. „You are taking care of me so well love… Never gonna stop loving you, i‘ll protect my muse at all costs, even when i‘m not physically with you anymore.“ He mumbled, so incoherent and sleep drunken you almost didn‘t understand it. „I know jinnie, i know. Now let‘s get you to bed, hm?“ He whined, and after you quickly put on your own pajamas too, you helped him get up and you both went to bed. As he laid down, you pulled the comforter up to his chin, lovingly stroking his hair. Then you got into bed too, closing your eyes. When you were already at the edge of sleep you suddenly heard hyunjin speak up again. „Y/n?“

„Hmm?“ „Please say it back“

„What are you talking bout.“

„That you love me. I‘m so tired already, but somehow i feel like i won‘t fall asleep if you don‘t say it.“

If you would have thought about that, maybe you could have somewhere already thought that it was coming. Hyunjin‘s pure soul was bracing itself for something, as if he knew.

„I love you. Forever and ever.“

And then you both drifted off.

When you woke up, you didn‘t immediately open your eyes. But you knew. You felt it. You could never describe this feeling, or how you would know, but you had no doubt your hyunjin was somewhere else now. Somewhere far away. And when you finally did open your eyes you took a second to breathe in. You slowly sat up and braced yourself. Then you looked to your side. There he was, looking like he was sleeping peacefully. You didn‘t know if you were imagining that or if it was real but it seemed like even a small smile was laying on his lips. You were oddly calm, as you stood up, and walked around to hyunjin‘s side.

You crouched down next to the bed, and with a slight tremble you took his hand in yours. It was still a bit warm. You pressed a kiss to it, as a silent tear rolled down your cheek. „Hey hyunnie. I don‘t know if you can hear me, but i just want to tell you that i love you okay? Don‘t forget that. And i hope you weren‘t in pain when it happened. Just know that you can peacefully go wherever you are supposed to go now. It‘s okay for me. I will continue living, also if the pain of your absence will daily remind me of the fact that you aren‘t with me anymore. But that‘s okay. I thought that this pain is the worst, but it makes me remember you, and that‘s what i want to do for the rest of my life, so actually i will be okay with it. That day yesterday was really a perfect day, as you said. I guess somehow our souls knew that soon they would have to say goodbye to each other. It helped me realize that when you die i won‘t have to act all strong, and feel like suffocating when i‘m alone. Oh by the way, i‘ll call the guys soon, and tell them. Then i‘ll bake our gingerbreadmen okay? And i‘ll be taking good care of mini jinnie, so you don‘t have to worry about him and his little scarf.“ You smiled through the tears running down your cheeks, that were silently landing on the bed next to hyunjin.

„So hyunnie, i bet you are wating for me to finish my dramatic boring speech so you can finally go in peace, hm? I wish you merry christmas my one and only love.“ You kissed his hand tenderly for the last time, a single little tear dripping down onto it.

Taglist: @0omillo0 @lina-linny @darqlys

@onementally-unstabel-kid @idek6758 @sadie-tucker @kozumesphone

@urlocalmultigroupfan @thoughtfularbiternightmare @lezleeferguson-120

@stayblrofficial hello this is my submission for the stayblrholiday event! For some reason I can’t send y’all the link but yeah I hope tagging is okay too!<3

[foundtherightwords]

Fallen Empires - Chapter 7

Pairing: Geta x OFC

Summary: Having done the unthinkable to secure his throne, Emperor Geta rules with ruthlessness and paranoia. Now, after escaping an assassination attempt, a badly injured Geta is saved by Daphne, a young widow, who takes him back to her remote village without knowing his true identity. As Daphne nurses the former emperor back to health, attraction blooms between them, and Geta discovers a soft side he didn't know he possessed. But can their love survive his thirst for revenge and his desire to reclaim power?

Chapter warnings: non-explicit smut, Geta being an oblivious jerk

Chapter word count: 2.7k

Prologue + Chapter 1 - Chapter 2 - Chapter 3 - Chapter 4 - Chapter 5 - Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Daphne didn't come back for a long time. Geta finished bathing and put on the clean tunic she had set aside for him, and still she hadn't returned to the hut. Feeling slightly worried and wondering if he had offended her somehow, he made his way outside to look for her.

A full moon was casting its light over the hills. Every stone, every leaf was painted in silver, and the lingering heat of the day felt less intense in such a cool, tranquil world. Even the insects were quiet. The only sound that broke the silence was Geta's own wheezing breath—the bath had tired him out more than he realized—and a splashing sound coming from the cistern. He turned toward it.

Daphne was sitting on a rock by the cistern, with her back to him. She was bathing, just as he had, by pouring water over herself using a dipper.

Looking at her, Geta suddenly understood why poor Actaeon had risked the wrath of Diana and death by his own hounds to spy on the goddess. He'd thought that Daphne looked like Aurora in the light of the rising sun, and now, under the moon, she had transformed yet again into Luna. In that silvery light, her body glowed with its own radiance, and drops of water on her skin sparkled like diamonds, so he couldn't tell where her flesh ended and moonlight began.

His arousal came back with a vengeance, a stiffening fire coursing through him, throbbing, aching, and he stood stock still on the hillside overlooking the garden, too mesmerized to even turn away. Had he been stronger, had it been any woman other than Daphne, he would not have hesitated to storm down to the cistern and take her right there and then, but a little voice in his mind told him that Daphne would not take kindly to that. He reminded himself that she was the only person standing between him and certain death, and it would make things rather awkward for him if he were to force himself on her. But it was more than that. Even now, sitting naked as she was, something about her struck him with awe, something stern and imposing, not physically but spiritually, something he dared not touch, lest he sullied it.

Just as he'd decided to return to the hut and take matters into his own hands, Daphne called to him, her voice ringing loud and clear in the stillness of the night. "Romulus? That you?"

Hades. How did she know? Had he made that much noise coming into the garden, or had she eyes on the back of her head? Now would be the time to apologize for spying on her, or even to sneak away as silently as he could, but he only mumbled, "Yes."

"Are you going to stay there?"

"Why?"

He couldn't see her face, but from the sudden turn of her neck, he could guess at the flush creeping up her face. "Because I like to get up, and I've forgotten my towel," she said quietly.

Her confession sent a lightning stroke through him. She was in his power now. He could do what he wanted with her.

But what did he want with her, exactly?

"I can fetch it for you," he said. His voice came out breathier than he'd expected, probably because the walk down to the garden had tired him. If not, why was his heart beating so heavily in his chest?

"Please."

But he didn't. Instead, he sidled down the garden path to the cistern. This close, the scent of soapwort was stronger than ever, making him lightheaded. He could just see the slope of her shoulders, the curves of her waist and hips, a hint of the soft swells of her breasts behind the washcloth she was clutching close to her chest. Her skin looked so smooth and white, but he imagined it would be cold and hard as marble upon touch.

"Are you still there?" she asked, after a moment.

"... Yes."

"My towel?" she prompted.

He balled his hands into fists. What was the matter with him? He had never been cowed by a woman before, and he'd be damned to the pits of Tartarus if he was to be cowed by this peasant woman now. A new but familiar fire—the fire of rage—rose within him and momentarily blotted out the fire of lust. Who did she think she was to order him about so? Did she think she could reduce him to a blushing, blubbering mess just because she was sitting before him naked? Or was this a clumsy attempt to seduce him? By Jupiter, he had seen thousands of naked women. In his bed at the palace and at the camps, in the baths, at orgies, even in the Colosseum, as female gladiators or criminals facing punishment. Only rarely did they move him. He would show her that just because he'd taught her to read and held her hand and comforted her, it didn't mean he was some village boy for her to toy with as she pleased.

The cistern was dug into the side of the hill, and with Daphne's position, right on its edge, facing the slope, the only way he could face her was running down the slope himself. He refused to go to the trouble.

"Turn around," he said.

She stiffened. "Why?"

"I want to look at you."

"...Why?" There was no anger or fear in her voice, only genuine curiosity.

"You've seen me naked, but you won't let me see you?"

It took a while for her to answer. "That's different," she said. "You were ill and I had to wash you. I took no pleasure from it."

"Who says I'm taking pleasure from this?" he said, unable to stop a smirk.

Daphne twisted her head around. Just as with her voice, there was no anger in her eyes, but the look in them wiped the smirk off his face. It was a searching, probing, penetrating look, seeking something only she knew.

"You didn't fetch the towel," she said.

"I told you, I want to look at you." Now he knew what he wanted with her. He wanted to see her squirm in front of him. He wanted to see those sharp eyes veiled by her dark lashes. He wanted to see those strong lips quivering in fear and more. He wanted to tame her. He wanted—Hades, he just wanted her.

"Turn around," he said again.

Without realizing it, he had used his imperial voice, the voice that once sent senators and soldiers scrambling to do his bidding, the tone that once sent concubines and prostitutes to their knees. Yet Daphne barely even blinked. Still keeping her eyes on him, she got to her feet and stood facing him. Before Geta could take a good look at her, or indeed even feel the thrill of having won, she raised her hand, removed the pins holding her hair, and, with one shake of her head, covered herself with its dark mass. Then she picked up her things and stalked away, her head held high, her hair streaming behind her like a cape.

Alone on the hillside, Geta watched her disappear into the hut. He didn't quite understand what had just happened. Somehow Daphne had bested him, though at what, he couldn't tell.

***

She shouldn't have talked about Galen, Daphne reflected, as she sat by the kitchen table in her chiton, combing out her damp hair. It had brought back so many memories, both sweet and painful, and they, in turn, had stirred up her feelings so much that her mind became muddled. Why else had she—had she—why, she'd practically exposed herself to a man, a stranger!

Her cheeks flushed when she remembered the moment by the cistern again. So he'd wanted to look at her, hadn't he? Well, she hoped he'd had his fill.

Once she'd gotten her clothes on, Romulus had slunk in after her and gone to bed without a word. At least he'd had the grace to look embarrassed. Daphne wanted to feel embarrassed as well, but the heat burning her up from the inside was quite different from shame.

She had been feeling that heat for a while now, ever since that morning they watered the garden together, perhaps even before that, ever since that disastrous day her father came looking for her and Romulus had pulled her into his arms. But it was definitely after the morning in the garden, when she started to notice how his eyes followed her with an unmistakable look, how his hands lingered on her, how he found every excuse to touch her or brush up against her. The fool probably didn't even know he was doing it.

Daphne knew she ought to feel offended, but somehow, she couldn't muster up the outrage. It certainly wasn't the first time she received such looks of lust from men, and certainly wasn't the first time she felt some stirrings within her either—after all, she was a healthy woman, past her prime perhaps, but not so old as to be completely devoid of want and urges. Only she'd had so few chances to pursue those urges. She wouldn't pretend that she had been celibate since Galen's death, but her love life in the past eight years had consisted mostly of quick, largely anonymous encounters with travelers who passed through the village or whom she met on her own travels, never with anyone so close to home. It was bad enough that her father was the village's drunk; she didn't need to gain a reputation as a trollop as well.

Sometimes, she wished she could remarry and not worry about her reputation, but she couldn't give up her independence, no matter how precarious it was, for such flimsy security. Most men looked at her and only saw a widow, an easy mark for their lust, nothing more. The Adala scribe was the only man whose intentions had been serious and honorable, but he had wanted her to move to town with him after they married, and she couldn't leave her hut and her work to become a housewife. And of course, there were the potential husbands that her father kept throwing at her, but most of them were his drinking and gambling cronies, and that would simply be trading one kind of prison for another.

But with Romulus, it was different. Since Galen, she had never spent so much time, close, intimate time, with a man who was not family. True, she didn't know anything about where he came from or who his people were, and he was exasperating and suspicious and possibly dangerous. Yet there was something in his eyes, something infinitely sad that sent stirrings to her heart, quite different from the stirrings that his touches and his looks sent to her loins. He tried to hide it beneath his usual scowl, but she could see it, perhaps because she often felt that sadness herself. It made her want to reach out to him, hold him, comfort him, and have him comfort her.

And then tonight... She had never talked about Galen with anyone, only her grandmother, who had been a widow herself and understood not just the grief but also the fear of finding oneself without a place, without a purpose, the disappointment of having to return to one's parents and going from being a wife to being a daughter again. Romulus probably didn't understand it, but he'd tried, by Hera, he'd tried. When he put his hand over hers, she'd almost burst into tears. It had been so long since anyone held her hand. Such a simple gesture, but it had endeared him to her forever. It didn't help that his back was there, so broad and sturdy, and the hollow between his shoulder blades was just the right shape for her to place her cheek. The moment their skins touched, a sudden wave of desire had crashed over her and settled everywhere—in her chest, her veins, and between her legs—burning with such a fire that it frightened her.

That was why she'd gone to the cistern. She'd thought that a cold bath would quench that fire.

It hadn't.

She'd heard him shuffling down the garden path, of course. She'd known he was standing there, watching her. And so she'd called out to him, just to see what he would do. Only when he hadn't done anything, she'd let her fear win and covered herself up again.

Daphne glanced at the closed door to the bedroom. What was he doing behind it? Asleep, or thinking of her as well? Back at the cistern, what would she have done if Romulus hadn't simply stood there and watched her with those dark, dark eyes? If he had pulled her into his arms, if he had kissed her, if he had done more than that, would she have welcomed it?

She asked herself all these questions, and the answer was "yes" to all of them. She liked him, for all his moods and mysteries. And—for Daphne was honest and pragmatic—there was the reason of convenience as well. Nobody knew Romulus was staying with her, and he would soon be gone, so a tryst with him would pose no threat to her way of life or her reputation as a respectable widow.

The fire continued to rise within her. She pushed the tip of her hairpin into her palm and pressed her knees together, trying to find some pressure for relief, but there was none. There was only the fire, pooling, pulsing in her lower belly.

Well, who would judge her? Not the dead. Not Galen, who had kissed her so tenderly before he left for Caledonia and told her not to wait for him. Not her grandmother, who Daphne believed had taken plenty of lovers herself after her own husband passed away from swamp fever, making her a widow at twenty-five with two young children. As for the living... they couldn't judge what they did not know.

She dropped the hairpin onto the table, letting her hair flow free. Then she got up, strode across the room in a few decisive steps, and opened the door to the bedroom.

The moon was dipping low now, leaving the lamp in the front room as the only source of illumination. Romulus was in bed but not asleep. She could tell he wasn't asleep, because even in the dim glow of the lamp, she saw his shoulders tense up the moment the door creaked open. But he didn't move, didn't turn around. He lay still as a statue, his face to the wall, breathing slowly, expectantly.

She took another step into the room. "Romulus?" she called. Her throat was dry. She swallowed, and swallowed again. "Could you help me unfasten my chiton, please?" she said. "The pin is stuck."

He turned around and sat up. He looked at her then, really looked at her, fixing his eyes on her instead of just stealing glances over his shoulder and behind tree branches. She doubted he could see much with the light of the lamp behind her, but she could see him, and the look in those dark, unfathomable eyes took her breath away and pinned her to the spot.

He got up and came over to her side. He didn't ask why she was taking her chiton off after she had just bathed. He didn't say a word. Silently, he fumbled with the pin on her shoulder. There was a tiny ping of the pin coming free, and the linen drape fell down, baring her breast. She heard him suck in a breath.

"The other side too," she told him. The other pin came off, and her chiton fell to the floor with a soft swish. They were standing close now, so close, close enough that she could feel the heat coming off him. She wondered if he could hear her heartbeats, which were so fast that she couldn't breathe.

His own breath felt hot against her neck. One of his hands closed about her waist, steering her to the bed, while with his other hand, he shut the door, plunging the room into darkness. She could no longer see anything, only feel his fingers stroking her, scorching on the cool skin of her belly and her thighs, feel the coarse linen sheets under her back and the softer linen of his tunic against her taut breasts, making her long for his hand, or better yet, his mouth there, and then feel the heat and weight of his body as he pulled the tunic up and pushed into her.

A small cry escaped her, more from surprise than pain. It didn't stop him, and she was glad, for she did not want him to stop.

Memories of her wedding night came to her mind then, unbidden—she a girl of seventeen, her poor Galen only a year older, the two of them giggling together, nervous and giddy. They'd planned to get married, but not for another year or two, until they had saved up enough money to properly start a life together. They'd thought they would have all the time in the world. What fools! That spring, Galen had been conscripted, and when they learned the ban on marriage for soldiers had been lifted, they had hastened to get married, not wanting to wait until Galen came back gods knew when. Even then, it hadn't occurred to either of them that he might not come back. They had been too young, too full of hope. It was a quick ceremony, witnessed by her grandmother and Master Kavos, who no doubt had been dragged there by the old woman on threats of death. Then Galen had carried Daphne over the threshold of his hut as traditions dictated, while her grandmother chastised them both for laughing.

Three days later he'd left, and six months later came the news he had been killed somewhere in the cold and faraway hills of Caledonia. Galen had been an orphan and left no will, and when some distant cousin turned up and kicked Daphne out of the hut, she'd had no choice but to go back to her parents. If it hadn't been for her grandmother, she would have been living with her parents still, with a heart full of grief and a barren belly, for they had not been together long enough for Galen to give her a child.

Three days. Only three days they'd had, just long enough for her to know what it was like to share her bed with someone else, but not long enough for her to memorize his shape or his touch.

None of her other lovers had reminded her of Galen. So why did Romulus? Why was her body rising to him as if it had always known him? Why did his touch, clumsy yet so confident, stir in her such a familiar fire? Why did her legs fit around his waist and her heels dig into the back of his thighs as if they were made to be there, why did her arms wrap around his back, pressing him to her as hard as he was pushing into her? And why, when he finished, leaving her with only a shimmering sweetness that hovered just beyond the edge of her skin, did she cling to him, wanting more?

But he was already retreating from her, body and mind. She held on to him, running her hand through his hair, damp with sweat, searching for his mouth, wanting to plant a kiss there, to seal this connection, this intimacy they'd just shared, but he turned away, and the kiss landed on the side of his neck instead. He pushed her off, as though her kiss was a bee's sting, and sat away from her, pulling his tunic down.

She lay there for a moment, sweat cooling on her skin, chilling her despite the warmth of a summer night, while he sat at the edge of the bed, a dark shape in the dark room, a stranger once more.

So he wasn't any different from her previous lovers then. Just another man.

When the silence became unbearable, she got up with a sigh, collected her chiton from the floor, and went into the front room.

The fire was reduced to embers, so she stoked it up and put the kettle on. While the water was heating, she cleaned herself up, put on a fresh tunic, and dug around the shelves until she found the jar of wild carrot seeds. It was running low—she must remember to gather more this autumn—but there should be enough, as long as none of her patients needed to get rid of an unwanted pregnancy. She ground up a handful of seeds in her mortar and added it to a cup of boiling water. Then, sipping the drink, she retreated to her cot, watching the garden outside the window under the murky half-light of the setting moon. A part of her hoped he would come and join her, but another part of her was relieved that he didn't. He was a stranger, she reminded herself. He would be gone soon. It would not do to get attached to him. What had just happened between them was an act of impulsion and empty passion, born out of loneliness, nothing more.

The Romans did use wild carrot seeds as a sort of "morning after" pill. I chose it instead of the more commonly known herbal remedy of pennyroyal because apparently wild carrot seeds are safer. Don't quote me on that though!

I'm taking a break from Christmas through to the New Year, but I will be back in a couple of weeks. Thank you for all your support so far, and see you guys soon!

Taglist: @sheneedsrocknroll92, @justnobodynothingmore, @barcelonaloverf1life, @myotakureprieve, @flawssy-227, @itsrainingbisexualfrogs (if you want to be tagged or removed, let me know!)

[slaymitchabernathy]

Spitting Image

| based on a request from @sa8859 |

| “When can I say your name and have it mean only your name and not what you left behind?” Ocean Vuong |

Many things come unexpectedly.

A marriage.

A pregnancy.

Coriolanus handled both of those quite well. What he wasn't prepared for was the death of his wife, the woman he cherished so very deeply until her last breath was taken.

He remembers the day she left him.

How frail she had looked in their big bed. How she still smelled like vanilla despite not having the strength to bathe or even stand up. She was so sweet until her bitter end, always giving him a smile, always encouraging him to be kind, to find love in someone else for the sake of their daughter.

Oh, Ceraphina. His only child, a sweet little girl who was identical to his wife in every possible way. Soarynn was a beautiful woman, openly complimented on it wherever they went. But that wasn't the trait that drew him to her, no, it was her kindness, her ability to put others first no matter what.

Ceraphina had only been two when Soarynn passed away, young enough to forget most of her memories with her mother but old enough to miss her.

Coriolanus did his best to raise her on his own. He remained patient and gentle but he quickly realized that he was not equipped to be a single parent. He could've hired a nanny, someone to care for his child while he was away at work but he knew what Soarynn would've wanted for their little girl.

So he remarried.

This time it wasn't for love. He could never love again, he knew that much. He married for the sake of his daughter, so she could have a mother in her life, someone to teach her how to be a proper lady, to be there for her no matter what.

Livia Cardew was the obvious choice. She was someone he didn't particularly despise or like, she was a neutral party that he'd never get romantically involved with which was perfect for him.

She wasn't ugly but she wasn't as beautiful as Soarynn. She wasn't mean but she'd never been as sweet as Soarynn. Coriolanus constantly found himself comparing Livia to Soarynn no matter how hard he tried to forget about her.

How can you forget the person who still has half of your heart?

He had given himself so wholly to Soarynn, not expecting her to take him with her to the grave.

Coriolanus stares at the framed photograph of Soarynn that sits on his desk. She looks so beautiful in the photo, wearing a light yellow dress with her wavy hair pulled back, showing off her rosy cheeks and soft pink lips. She's laughing in the photo, he remembers taking that photo, remembers what he was wearing, what they did that day.

He will never see her again.

His eyes drift over to the other side of the desk where a newer photograph sits, a photograph of his new family with his new wife. None of them are smiling for this professional family portrait. Coriolanus is standing behind Livia and Ceraphina who sit on a small sofa, hands in their laps while they all stare into the camera.

When he looks at Ceraphina it's like he's looking at Soarynn. She has her eyes, her smile, her hair color, she even has the freckles that he loved so much.

He shakes his head, he ought to finish up his work so he can retire for the night. He already had dinner with Livia and Ceraphina, it was quiet like always, but he made sure to ask Ceraphina about her day at school. It pains him that Soarynn isn't here to do it, to ask her about school, to see her in the little Academy uniform.

The halls of their penthouse are haunted by what once was.

He goes to open his desk drawer when he hears a soft knock on the door to his study, too soft to belong to Livia.

"Come in," he says, curious as to who is on the other side.

The door slowly opens and he sees that it's Ceraphina, standing on her tiptoes in order to reach the door handle. "Ceraphina, why aren't you in bed?" He inquires, checking his watch to see that it's well past eight o'clock. Ceraphina steps into his study, looking unsure of this foreign space.

Coriolanus has always been firm on keeping children out of certain rooms such as his study and bedroom. She has the rest of the penthouse to run around in as she pleases but she seems troubled about something.

"I need to tell you something Daddy," she whispers, pushing the door shut. Coriolanus furrows his brows, wondering what could be so important and urgent that his daughter has sought him out this late at night.

At only five years old, Ceraphina is a rather bright child with a sunny personality despite her mother dying and he intends to keep it that way. To see her wearing a frown makes him worry, did something happen at school?

He pushes away from his desk and holds out his arms, beckoning her to come sit in his lap. Her worries slightly melt away at the welcoming gesture and she pads over to him, allowing him to scoop her up with a grunt, "You're growing up too fast," he tells her, poking her nose.

Ceraphina giggles, batting his hand away, "You need to measure me again."

When Ceraphina was maybe six months old, Soarynn started marking her height with a pencil against the doorframe of her bedroom. Coriolanus had thought it was silly at first but after she passed away, he continued the tradition. Not as often as Soarynn would've liked but he's busy and he knows Livia would roll her eyes at such a silly tradition.

Ceraphina loves it though.

"I'll measure you tomorrow," he promises, "now what's the matter darling?"

Ceraphina sighs, looking down at her lap, "Um, I don't want anyone to get in trouble," she mumbles. His heart softens at how she cares for others, just like Soarynn. He gives her a gentle squeeze, "No one will get in trouble darling," he assures her, already prepared to give some parents a nasty phone call about their child's behavior towards his daughter.

Ceraphina looks up at him and for a moment, he's looking into Soarynn's eyes. He almost wishes she would look away but he can't bring himself to ask that of her.

"I heard Livia talking on the phone," she says slowly and Coriolanus has to keep himself from sighing. When he married Livia, he had hoped that Ceraphina would take an instant liking to her which would lead to her addressing Livia as 'Mommy' or at least 'Mother'.

But the years have passed and she's made no effort to address Livia by anything but her first name. His friends assure him that it's just a phase but Coriolanus knows better, Ceraphina is smarter than she looks, more perceptive than she looks.

The only person she called 'Mommy' was Soarynn and that will never change no matter how upset it makes Livia who claims it's disrespectful. He knows Ceraphina would never be rude to Livia, she's as sweet as can be but she's still grieving.

They both are.

"What did she say on the phone darling?"

"She was talking about Mommy."

Coriolanus tenses at those words. From the moment he began courting Livia, she made it very clear that she didn't want to talk about Soarynn unless it was absolutely necessary. He had agreed at the time, so engulfed in his own grief that he too couldn't bring himself to speak about his soulmate.

But as the years have gone by, he can see that Soarynn is a sore spot for Livia who's often compared to Ceraphina's late mother. It doesn't help that Ceraphina is a spitting image of Soarynn, making it easy for that to be brought up in a conversation.

"What did she say about Mommy?"

"She um...she said that she couldn't handle being married to a man like you, so I guess it means that Livia is better for you. And then she said that I was um, I was the only bad part about being married to you."

Coriolanus is fucking seething with anger.

Livia has no fucking right, no reason to say those things about his girls.

About Soarynn who fought as hard as she could to be here. And about Ceraphina, who is the only fucking piece of Soarynn that he has left.

Yes, he's sure that marrying a widowed man with a child has been difficult but she knew what she was getting herself into when she agreed to start courting him. He made sure to introduce them to each other, to bring Ceraphina on dates so she could spend time with Livia and yet it seems to be a fucking problem where Livia is concerned.

Coriolanus kisses her cheek, so softly and gently, the same way he'd kiss Soarynn's cheek when she'd cry about being sick, when she was scared to leave him and Ceraphina. "You are the best part of my life," he tells his daughter, "you're a gift from your mother to me darling and I don't want you to ever forget that alright? Nothing will ever come between you and me."

He means it too.

Nothing will ever hurt them again.

꧁ ꧂

After putting Ceraphina back into bed and reading her a few bedtime stories, Coriolanus quietly pads down the hallway to his bedroom. He can still hear Livia yammering away on the phone they keep in the room and he presses his ear to the doors, listening to what she's saying right now.

"...it's just never-ending. Everywhere we go, it's all about fucking Soarynn. 'Oh she looks just like her mother', 'Oh Soarynn would be so proud of her,' I mean give me a fucking break. It's ridiculous how people can't seem to move on. What's that? Oh, he's no better. Coriolanus likes to act like he's moved on but he's like this kicked, wounded puppy just holding his broken heart in his hands. And he's constantly doting on Ceraphina, it's like I'm not even here, it's like he just married me to be a babysitter. It's not my fault Soarynn couldn't fucking make it past twenty-four."

Coriolanus pushes the doors open, he can't wait another second to confront Livia who's eyes grow huge when she sees him standing in the doorway.

"Clemmie? I'll call you back," she says, quickly hanging up the phone before rising from the sofa she was sitting on. "Darling! What's wrong?" She asks, acting like she wasn't just berating his dead wife and his child moments ago over the phone.

Coriolanus closes the doors behind him, Ceraphina doesn't need to hear this.

"Ceraphina came to me," he says, walking towards Livia who looks very nervous, "she came to me because she wanted to come to you to ask for a glass of water but you were too busy on the phone talking about Soarynn, how she couldn't handle being married to a man like me which leads me to wonder, what kind of a man am I Livia?"

Livia chuckles nervously, fiddling with her hands, "I...I don't know what you mean Coriolanus," she says with a shaky voice, "you're a good man, a good father."

Coriolanus chuckles, he's been a fool to think Livia could be a good mother let alone a good wife. "I'm also a very rich man," he says quietly, looking her up and down, looking at the nightgown she's wearing tonight, made of lace with intricate patterns. It must've cost him a small fortune.

"I'm a rich man who pays for everything you buy," he continues, stopping on the other side of the sofa, "the clothes, the shoes, the bags, I never question it because you're my wife and I am to provide for you but I'm starting to think that you've been taking my kindness for weakness."

"Coriolanus," she starts but he holds his hand up, he's not done yet, "I'm aware that I'm not perfect, I have my sharp edges, and we both know what I've been through. So imagine my surprise when my sweet, precious daughter came to me telling me that you were saying terrible things about her and her mother."

Livia clenched her fists and he can see how angry she is, "I am her mother," she sneers, "even if she can't fucking bring herself to say it, I have been raising her these past years, not Soarynn. I think it's high time that you two moved on before you get stuck in the past."

All he sees is red right now.

He knew Livia wasn't pleased about this whole situation but it clearly goes deeper than the surface.

"And don't pretend that you don't dote on Ceraphina and then leave me high and dry," she snaps, "I see how you look at her, like she's Soarynn's twin, like she's this precious little diamond but she's not Coriolanus. She's a fucking child who needs to grow the hell up because her father clearly can't."

Coriolanus would never lay a finger on a woman but he's getting very close to considering it. But he can't, because he knows what Soarynn would say, how she'd look at him if she were in Livia's shoes and Livia was the one who was dead.

"We're done," he says quietly, his body is no longer tense, he is no longer angry.

It's amazing how quickly Livia's demeanor changes as well. She goes from furious to desperate in a matter of seconds. "What? No, no, we can't be done! Coriolanus, please! We can work this out! Couples fight, married people fight, we can get through this. Ceraphina will come around, you'll see, and I...I can work on being a better mother to her. We can all still be one big happy fam-"

"I already have a family," he cuts her off with a steady tone, "and my wife may no longer be here with me but I assure you, Livia, I already have a family and you have never been a part of it no matter how badly you wanted to be."

Livia narrows her eyes, giving up on trying to play nice, "Fine," she hisses, pulling her wedding ring off her finger, "stay here in this penthouse and be miserable then, see if I fucking care. This place is a tomb Coriolanus and you're going to die in it just like she did."

He watches her throw the ring at him.

He watches her run into the closet and come back fully dressed.

He watches her rip the doors open and leave.

And then maybe, just maybe, he watches Soarynn walk into the bedroom, faint and flickering like a hologram. She walks towards him, a soft smile on her face and she bends down, picking up the ring Livia just threw at him, "She's right," she tells him gently, standing back up, "this place is a tomb."

She hands him the ring and he turns it over with his fingers, the diamond is big, per Livia's request, nothing like Soarynn's wedding ring.

"I know," he murmurs, a faint smile on his lips, "but at least we still get to be together."

| tumblr oneshot/drabble |

| taglist: @strawberriicakes @wonderlandbound111 @kickmybark @villiansarehottest @thevoicesinmyprettylittlehead @melodyoflovee @erensrealgf |

[mountsmase]

Just sent this privately to loz

So sharing it with the class

imagine not living with him

You stayed at his every night since Sunday but today you finish work late and since his family was over you decide to go back at yours for the night

You see the post and call him

But Lewis or his mother answer and they tell you he’s closed himse in his room and is not talki to them at all

So his mum begs you to come over and you obviously run there

You knock his room door convinced that he won’t let you in but as soon as he hears your voice he runs to the door to open it and hugs you🥺

Thank you for sharing, the class really appreciate it 😌

I love this so so much 🥺

Maybe you’re still in a fairly new relationship with him, you’ve been together long enough that you’ve met his family loads and get along with them all really well but you don’t want to interrupt their time together too much so you decide to go home after work, also needing to get a few extra bits and pieces and do some washing before going back to his in a few days time

But then he makes the Instagram post and it catches you a little off guard because you weren’t expecting him to post it, so you call him just to see how he’s feeling and make sure he’s okay but Lewis picks up the phone instead.

Lewis explains that he made the post and then got a bit overwhelmed and disappeared upstairs, leaving his phone down stairs so he’s not tempted to look at any comments or anything, not knowing that Lewis had turned them off completely anyway

Maybe they tell you that his mum had tried to go and speak to him but he wasn’t letting anyone in his room and the door was locked (i imagine him doing that so that his nieces don’t just run in - he’d hate for them to see him upset) and you knew straight away that you needed to go and see him anyway but then his mum asks you to come over and you’re walking out the door straight away

You quite literally just put some shoes and a jacket on, grab your car keys, and go.

When you get there you quickly say hi to all of them and then grab a few bottles of water out of the fridge before going to find him upstairs.

You lightly knock on his door and try to open it but it’s locked and you don’t hear anything from inside so you try again, speaking just loud enough for him to hear you through the door saying ‘Mase, bubba it’s me. Can you let me in?’ and the door is open almost instantly

you just about catch a glimpse at his teary eyes before he’s pulling you in and straight into his arms

You guide him over to the bed and hold your arms out for him to fall into and you hold him close whilst he lets it all out, scratching over his scalp because you know he loves when you do that and letting him know that you’re there and you’ve got him 🥺 It takes him a while to calm down but you know he needs it, encouraging him to cry it all out and you don’t loosen your grip on him until he moves slightly to move his head out of your neck

you’ve spoken enough during the week and you know him well enough to know what’s bothering him, so you don’t make him talk about it, but he knows you’re there if he needs to

so no words are exchanged between the two of you as he leans forward and kisses you gently, a silent thank you for being there for him

and then maybe you decide to stay in his room for the rest of the evening, leaving him to watch a film whilst you pop down stairs to help his mum with dinner (you asked him loads if he was okay with you leaving him on his own but he encouraged you to go) and then you take your portions up to him and you eat it in bed before having a bath together and doing some skincare

You do a face mask with him which he complains about at first but it’s such a good distraction and takes his mind off of everything for a while because your laughing too much at how silly you both look

And then you get into bed for an early night, putting on an episode of the series you’re currently binging and he settles back into your arms, head buried into your neck as he drifts off to sleep, still feeling deflated about everything that’s happening, but feeling alot better after let it all out and having you in his arms

[boothillssugarmomma]

Just some thoughts about Husband!Childe

18+ MDNI

Mostly gender neutral, reader never has pronouns mentioned but has female anatomy!

Sfw!

Husband!Childe who can't believe you're his. He didn't waste any time to propose, making the decision as soon as you met Teucer in Liyue. You'd acted so kind and you hadn't fussed about the millions of questions Teucer had. And that's all he needed to make sure you were the perfect one. (Not that you weren't already)

Husband!Childe who takes any chance he can get to help you relax. Running baths for you, massaging your shoulders, taking care of errands. You name it, he does it. Even if he's busy with Fatui business he takes time to carefully take care of what's his. You feel a little bad but then he always assures you: He wants to.

Husband!Childe who really wants kids with you. He can't stop thinking about it. But it's not his fault! He just can't help it! Really he's tried! But seeing you laugh and giggle with Teucer and make him feel at home when he visits? Fills his head with all sorts of fantasies of you pregnant, swollen with his baby. The same baby that you'll laugh with when he comes home, squealing as he opens the door. And he can't get it out of his head. He desperately wants kids with you.

Husband!Childe who spoils you with pretty gifts. Anything from jewelry to trinkets you enjoy, clothes to specialty foods, anything you want his pretty little thing gets. After he comes home from work he always slides something on the kitchen table as he watches you making dinner. Seeing his love work hard for him makes everything worth it..

Husband!Childe who shows you off to EVERYONE. And he means everyone. His subordinates, his fellow Harbingers, Zhongli, The Traveler, hell even when he was in prison in Fontaine he kept talking about you his lovely lover.

Nsfw!

Husband!Childe who begs you one night to let him fuck a baby into you while he's massaging your stomach. You hadn't asked why until he blurted it out. His eyes are filled with lust and love as he waits for your answer. The second you say yes he pounces and rips your clothes off, throwing them to the floor with haste.

Husband!Childe who pumps unrelenting into you, listening to you babble and moan as you take him so fucking nicely. Your ankles resting on his hips as he drills into you. He can't stop thinking about filling you up with his cum, getting you undoubtedly pregnant.

Husband!Childe who teases you until you can't think. His words messing with your thinking. "That's it sweet thing..a-ah yes..gonna make you a m-mommy.." He hisses as he slowly pushes into your slick again. "S-So tight honey..relax a bit.." He breathes as he leans down to nibble on your ear as he humps forward in and out of you.

Husband!Childe who speeds up a bit as your breath hitches. You're close, and so is he, so why not finish together? "So g-good sweetheart..just a f-few more minutes baby cmon you can do it!" He whines softly in your ear. As the soft plap plap plaps hit his ears he lets out a low moan, thrusting in one more time as you both let out high pitched whines and moans.

Husband!Childe who notices some of his cum leaking out as he pulls out, clicking his tongue. "Now, now darling..that-" He scoops some of it onto his fingers, sliding them into your cunt. "Needs to stay inside.."

--

Husband!Childe who genuinely loves you and cares for you. And he always will. When your baby finally is born he takes the baby out of the delivery room to let you rest. "Hmm..you look just like them.." He whispers to the baby. The baby in question can barely even open his eyes. But Childe knows, those eyes are yours. "Now.. I'm going to tell you ALLLL about how great your mommy is~" He teases and starts his stories.

Yeah..life will be just fine. He has you, and this cute little baby. He couldn't ask for more.

[milli-moi]

Agathario This or That

SFW version (green for Rio, purple for agatha, two for both/can’t decide)

Sunrise or sunset 💚💜

Coffee 💜or tea 💚

Bath 💜💚*or shower (Rio says bath if Agatha is already in it)

Run 💚or walk 💜

Dogs or cats 💚💜

Tv shows💚💜 or movies

Sitcoms 💚or dramas 💜

Wine 💜or dessert💚

Books 💜💚or blogs

Introvert or extrovert 💚💜

Night owl 💜💚or early bird

Team or individual 💚💜

Sports💚 or clubs 💜

Board games💚💜* or video games (*they are both more familiar with board games and highly likely to break video games when it gets too competitive)

💜Leader or 💚💚*follower (*Rio is a leader unless Agatha is there)

Party host 💜💜*or 💚party guest (* Agatha wants to know why neither isn’t an option)

Text 💜or call 💚

One bestie💜💚 or friend group

Spicy version under the cut…

Wash my body in the shower 💜💚or rub lotion into my skin after a shower

Have sex before or 💚💚*after date night 💜 (* Rio wants to know why not both?)

Lick your ears or your nipples 💚💜

Bite your nipples 💜or suck your nipples 💚💚* (*Rio is a biter. But she also has a bit of a fetish and reminisces back to when Agatha was pregnant)

a hickey on your neck💚💜 or on your stomach

Use my fingers to pleasure you 💜or my tongue to pleasure you 💚 (author’s note - control, and worship respectively)

Spoon naked 💚or spoon with silky clothes on 💜* (*skin is sticky)

Give you oral sex on the bed 💚💜or oral sex in the shower

Wear lingerie 💜or be totally naked 💚

Be on top during sex💜 or on the bottom during sex 💚💚* (* Rio is happy with either or often both as naturally happens. She always had to take the lead while Agatha was learning how this stuff worked but loves to let Agatha take that control now she is confident doing so)

Eat whipped cream off my body or 💜💜*eat chocolate syrup off my body 💚💚* (* Agatha says why make more sticky mess, no thanks. Rio would happily just eat your body…)

Watch us have sex in the mirror 💚💜* or on your phone camera (* they still remember seeing their reflection on the surface of the water)

Have the lights on 💚💜during sex or lights off

Take turns giving each other oral 💚or 69 💜 (author’s note- again with the control and worship things)

Lay down while I give you oral sex 💜or stand up while I give you oral sex 💚

I use a toy on you or I use the fingers on you 💚💜*. (* they both remember the early crude examples of toys which were less functional, Agatha is not a fan of things looking too phallic. Rio prides herself in finding them unessecery)

Thoughts…? Agree or disagree, some of these were hard to decide on, and I have a lot of ‘why’ for them but it’s always fun exploring characters like this. Please tell me what you think and please tag me if you do or see any other this or that things for these guys. It’d be fun to see them.

[cryinthevortex]

Their presence within the same space had been the reason to breathe lighter. It was a shelter from the rain, the storm, and the winds as the weather fluctuated around them. Nothing felt too much to bear. They lived together, served together, and longed together.

It had been a long time without physical touch between them. They had never gotten that far as to voice what they meant to each other. They were hopelessly drawn to one another, but the breaths required to express the longing and take the final leap were never more than a whisper that never carried far enough.

Their lives were separate, yet they walked along the same path, sensing each other’s full being nearby. It was not an endless life, and any moment could be the end of that potential to tell one another what they wanted.

The shared space could have been where they rested in each other’s arms, their touch could have been a pleasure granted intentionally and their breaths could meet to intermingle and caress.

And yet, neither one of them had the courage. Instead, they exchanged looks and felt the need to hear the words ending the common suffering.

They both had the means to end it, but perhaps somewhere within they questioned whether the longing was the sweetest part of it all, and all that longing would have died out upon vocalizingthe need of one another.

Until one day, one saw the other gone– vanished from their view. The longing was never going to be a choice again. It never carried a chance of release. The yearning would turn to despair and eventually, all could-haves would be replaced by a feeling of failure to express their true feelings, tainting all afairs forever with fear.

Their shared space was empty, the glances found not its counterpart, the lack of an accidental connection felt like ice blocks on the skin as their sun was gone. Hours turned into days.

The routines they had shared, provided no answers. Until one day, one fell hard, intentionally– shattering into many sad pieces as they no longer could hold on to what made them what they were. They welcomed the reprieve. Their mind reeled off the possibility of seeing life beyond endless longing. They let themselves seep in the darkness and closed their eyes, waiting for that oblivion to swallow the sadness.

“My love” they heard in the dark. Was this a cruel joke? The end was taunting itself with new beginnings, taking away the elation of void. The familiar voice, the scent of the other permeated through the darkness to the mind that had given up.

“Why did you leave me?” They heard whispered in agonizing moments, when the tortured mind found hope and allowed itself to be wounded again.

“Leave you? You left me. You were just gone.” said the sweetest voice they knew. “I was looking at you across the crowds and you never saw me. I tried calling out to you and you never turned. I assumed your moods had taken you, and you threw yourself down.”

“I could not endure anymore. It was too much for me to hope that we never mattered and you just left.”

“We did matter. We shared our lives even from afar, yet you could not feel me?”

Then they knew it had been the gloomy mind of one of them that had twisted it all into a sick knot of misunderstanding again.

“You always knew I was broken,” they said their voice barely a whisper. “and yet, you stayed. Why?”

“Because I thought I could fix you.” the other replied, their voice trembling. “And I will.”

There was a touch– a long caress that mended the minds and lifted the dark that had enveloped them here as one followed the other.

As the darkness subsided, their bodies intermingled and their broken pieces found one another again. For a moment they were one. They reveled in ecstasy as their feelings found a physical form. The gasps of elation escaped from both of them as they saw how they belonged together.

“What are you doing?” an unknown voice was heard as they rested on each other’s arms somewhere nearby bathing in light.

"I’m fixing mom’s teacups. That's all I have left of her” another voice replied.“

"You sure? There are a lot of pieces there. “

“Yeah, they just broke– fell one after another. But the shards are a perfect match so it’s easy to combine them. I’ll keep them in the cupboard to remind myself of her.”

The two cups were now touching each other, their pieces intermingled into shared existence. They returned home together and were never apart again. They were one heart in two bodies and would never err of the intententions of the other.

Random Prompt #187

"You always knew I was broken," they said, their voice barely a whisper, "and yet, you stayed. Why?" "Because I thought I could fix you," the other replied, their hands trembling.

[paradoxsun]

BKDK Fic Rec- True North- Blinkomatic

I talk a lot about BKDK on here and how disappointed I am in the absolute last chapter, but I really, really want to share a fic with everyone. This fic, to me, is the absolute peak of bkdk. When I was heavily in my bkdk feels and dealing with their separation in the semi final scene and the agony of seeing Izuku be torn apart and stripped of his power after that briefly lived, bright beautiful dream of hero life, this fic gathered me in its arms and held me close. It gave me hug and said, "I understand. I love them too. Let's see them together one last time."

I love this fic. I love it to a point that my words fail me now. I lived its heart for weeks and came out content. It is in my heart, one of the most beautiful, complete, in character fics I have read. Everything from the pacing, the character development, the plot, the set scene- every single sentence, every single word choice, was so carefully set by the author that I weep just thinking of it.

The fic is True North by Blinkomatic [ @blinkomaticz ]. I know most of you find fics by Kudos, Bookmarks or others' Bookmarks, but I'm begging you, genuinely, please, please give this fic a chance. I love it so fucking much and the author deserves so much recognition for the way they have charted out Izuku and Katsuki's relationship over a decade in just 9 chapters. It is also in Bakugo's POV which is such a rare treat and the author has captured his voice to perfection.

It also has amazing art!!

Again, please do check it out. In my heart, this is the epilogue. This is the Midoriya Izuku I recognise and this is the Bakugou Katsuki I loved against my will.

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

The math just adds up!

[milla-frenchy]

I started to read this series very recently, and in some ways I regret it, because receiving the notification of a new chapter, here or on ao3, and settling comfortably on my couch to read it is a feeling that I love so much 😍😍😍 (yes, even when it was angsty af 😅)

I read this chapter when it came out, but I needed to process it, to let the feelings and sensations do their job, and I thought about it, and them, often. What a journey!! I'm gonna miss them so much 🥹🥹❤️

She didn't say anything, just stared at him, then hugged her knees closer to her chest. He had expected something like this, but not to this degree, he had not fully prepared himself for how harrowing it would be to see her like this.

ughhhh my heart. It hurts. But I feel her... of course I do 💔

He plated the food— scrambled eggs, seared steak, roasted potatoes exactly the way he used to make them for her before— and carefully approached her, his heart aching in his chest when those glossy, faded eyes drifted up to him.

Oh my god. Each time a moment related to "before" is mentionned, my heart melts

He stood when she was naked before him, shivering, looking up at him with those hollow eyes that made him feel like his chest was empty. He quickly scanned her, each inch of her exposed skin, searching for any other marks, any other obvious injuries, he could see none, and he worked to ignore the blood flowing to his cock as he lifted her back up and gently placed her in the bath, taking a seat on the ledge.

Oh wow. I love how much what happened (Caleb's death, Lily's feelings) has changed Joel.

He worked soap into his hands, then washed her hair, gathering water in his palms to rinse the suds out so that she wouldn't have to lean her head back into the bath. He washed her neck, her back, her shoulders, his finger tracing the leaves and petals of her tattoo, so soft skin against his murderous palms. He gathered her hands in his and scrubbed the dirt from her palms, from her nails, his thumb lingering on that empty ring finger on her left hand, that spot he was supposed to claim fifteen years ago, that sapphire ring that reminded him of her eyes. It was probably still in his bedside drawer in Texas, if no one had riffled through his home in search of old-world valuables.

This is so delicate and sweet and.... then, the ring. The mention of it, of the bedside drawer, is so heartbreaking

He replaced the towel with the t-shirt he'd brought, tugging it over her head, helping her put her arms into the sleeves. He hadn't seen her in his clothes in so long, a lifetime, and the vision of her drowning in the thing, nipples peaked against the fabric, the hem draping down to her mid-thigh, nearly made him choke it was so familiar, so missed. He helped her into her panties, then. Crouching down in front of her, helping her keep her balance as she stepped into them. And then he picked her up, again, by her waist this time, wrapping one arm around her waist, the other under her butt, while her legs wrapped weakly around his hips, her head dropping to his chest in a motion that made his heart pinch and ache. "I got you," he whispered into the damp crown of her head. "You're safe, baby, I got you." And she reacted to that, not in words, but by clutching the front of his shirt, burying her face further into his chest.

Here are I am, re reading this chapter to rb it, and I'm crying. He's got her. He's here for her. omg I'm such a mess and thank you so much for this series!!! 🫶

He hadn't taken care of someone like this, hadn't taken care of her like this in so long. And it felt good, it felt right, it settled something inside of him that he hadn't even realized had been broken and bouncing around in his gut for too long, since the moment she got on that plane to California. This, this was his purpose, what he was made to do, made to be, her safety, her protector, how ignorant and deranged of him for trying to shove her away when this was where they both had always meant to end up. Fifteen years ago, she was ripped from him, and somehow, against all odds, in the end times, she was back.

🥹🥹🥹

It was almost like she couldn't hear him, like she had drifted off to somewhere else entirely as shivers racked through her spine, breaths coming out of her in fast, hurried spurts against his chest. "Look at me, Lily," he urged, gently gathering her face from his chest, cupping it in his palms, lifting her head so she could see him. Those bright blue eyes had gone a little wild, painted with fear, and the sight made him feel like he might drop to his knees. "I'm not goin' anywhere," he said sternly, speaking about more than just his physical presence. He wasn't going to push her out again, no matter how much it hurt, no matter how terrifying it was. She was frantically searching his face, still clinging onto his shirt. "Alright," he breathed out, standing up with her, circling her waist with his arm to keep her locked against him as he walked into the kitchen and grabbed the VHS from the bag, then back into the living room, where he sat down with a grunt in front of the television, keeping her curled up against him

And this. She can't let him go, she needs to feel him, to be against him and omg I'm such a mess, re reading this 😅😭 He doesn't push her out, he stands up with her. It's so beautiful

She huffed, rolling her eyes at him, letting her gaze drift back to the screen. And even though it wasn't much, even though she was still silent, that felt like a break, a flash of Lily inside her terrified, mute exterior.

Oh my heart!! It reminded me of the first chapters 🥹🥹

"Remember," he started cautiously, the words clawing their way out of him, "Sarah's Jeff Goldblum phase." Lily's head snapped toward him, her eyes a little wide as they searched his face. Joel swallowed hard, "Couldn't get her to watch anything else for months." Speaking to her about Sarah was harder than it was with Ellie, with Tommy, with anyone else. But he owed her this, he needed this. No one had loved Sarah as much as he had, except Lily. Her mom.

jfc I have no words, this is perfection

"You smiled. I missed your dimple." Something cold and hard, something he didn't know had been caging his heart in, melted at that, while his stomach twisted into a knot. She'd been back for months and he hadn't smiled at her? That couldn't be right.

Poor Joel. And poor Lily. Both traumatised, it breaks my heart

He gently took her wrist in his hand, so her soft, little fingers splayed out across his cheek, then he leaned into her palm, his eyes fluttering closed. God, he missed her, missed this, missed how easy it was to be with her when he just gave in, when he just was. How many months had he wasted? Too many, when he was already living on borrowed time, when he was already pushing off his damnation, his fall into the burning pit he was surely condemned to. "Mmm," he purred, like a big, wild cat into her palm. Her touch made him weak. But he could be weak for her, he'd always been weak for her. He turned his face into her hand and kissed her palm, then gently released her wrist, his eyes fluttering open to find her staring at him, disbelief etched onto her pretty face.

🥹🥹🥹

But she needed to see his face, needed to see those eyes while they still held sunlight, before they went black and cold again, before she woke up alone, either from the fading of her delusion, or from his departure.

Damn. Damn... this is beautiful and heartbreaking. Lily 🥺🥺

For the first time since she made it to Jackson, Joel looked like Joel, older now, more wrinkles around his eyes, that deep set between his brows, gray threaded through his curls. But he looked like Joel, her Joel. And she would have cried, if she had any tears left, if she wasn't still terrified that this— that he— could disappear before her in the blink of an eye.

This is so, so good. What a brilliant chapter 🙏🤌🤌🤌

Thank you so much for all the emotions and feelings. That's what I'm looking for in fics, and I have no words to express how perfectly you do it ❤️❤️

Nights Like This One: XXIV.

"For the first time since she made it to Jackson, Joel looked like Joel, older now, more wrinkles around his eyes, that deep set between his brows, gray threaded through his curls. But he looked like Joel, her Joel. And she would have cried, if she had any tears left, if she wasn't still terrified that this— that he— could disappear before her in the blink of an eye."

paring: joel miller x ofc rating: 18+ mdni word count: 4.3k a.n. what a wild ride. i can't believe this fic is almost over. i first drafted the outline on christmas eve in 2023. i had covid and i was miserable, sitting with a mask on in my parent's living room. a couple weeks prior, the laundry room at my own house had flooded, and i remembered wishing, in my sick stupor, that joel miller could come fix my fucking drain for me. so, sitting on my mother's couch (not so unlike lily sitting on her mother's ratty armchair) i dreamt up a fic where joel miller was hired to renovate a woman's home. i'd been reading pablo neruda earlier in the day (not unusual, he truly is a poetic genius) and these two lines from Tonight I Can Write kept rattling around in my head: "Through nights like this one I held her in my arms. I kissed her again and again under the endless sky. // Because through nights like this one I held her in my arms, my soul is not satisfied that it has lost her." and I thought about how beautiful it would be to incorporate those lines, to have them be the cornerstones to the two parts of this story. I've been living with these characters screaming in my head for almost an entire year. I love them and this story so dearly. I know fanfiction gets a terrible reputation, i know that people who don't read it (even some that do) don't truly understand what an art it can be. and sometimes i get sad, or angry with myself for focusing so much of my time (and my $120k creative writing degree) on writing things i can never publish. but i really do love doing this. it brings me so much joy and it makes me happier than i can express when it makes you all feel something too. my dream, since i was ten years old, was to write something that other people loved, that made them happy, made them sad, made them feel something. and i always thought that would be a book, hoped it would be, and maybe that's still in the cards someday, but for now, i'll take this. thank you so very much for reading. there are two chapters left after this (maybe three if i decided to break the next one in two). my sole focus after this will be the human condition, then i have two more fics in very early stages that i'm excited to get out (eventually). happy (actually happy this time) reading <3

Read on AO3

Fic playlist on Spotify

[wellthatschaotic]

so my work is supposed to offer grooming and training for the ouppies (as well as daycare and boarding) but. we dont have a groomer or trainer yet. i was told we'd get a groomer early 2024. we have not. the main reason i want a groomer is so that we can offer nail trimming services. i love all my kids but some of them have Knife Toes

[smol-tired-binch-blog]

Sometimes I think I must consume media wrong because I don't remember The Lottery by Shirley Jackson fucking me up

Like sure I read it and was like 'wait hang on, what- oh dear.' but I didn't have the 'Dude That Was So Fucked Up I Am Fundamentally Changed As A Person' experience everyone else apparently had

And that ain't a flex btw this ain't a "oh I can read the most fucked up stuff and feel NOTHING" kinda bullshit I just. Wasn't that deeply affected lmao

[hauntingblue]

I was so excited to read one piece and then I saw I was in the body paraite mushrooms chapter. Here we fucking go. Boa hancock will hold my hand through all of this

I'm so sorry luffy but this is so funny... in the anime he was in like a bubble but here he is just flying raw through the open air

He's so excited to see his friends again 😭😭

ENOUGH!!!!!

This isn't funny to me luffy..... not wanting to remember your grandpa leaving you and then sabo dying.... and now your crew is gone too.... christ....

I'm really loving the fan made banners so far akdhaisnks

LUFFY YOU SHOULD BE THANKFUL sanji wouldn't complain about anything a woman does for him

This never gets old I have seen this a hundred times

Love this panel in particular... very robin I alabasta

Thus I so funny akdjakdjkss now that I screamed really loud you want to talk 😃 great!

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 what can I say.... after going through sabaody... he Knows...

Really loving these panels for some reason.... idk look at him....

Really curious about what happened here.... what did she do....

AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHH

Sorry luffy ace looks so good here....

AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHH

This is so good.... not only is luffy going to get to impel down but hancock is going to keep her warlord title to protect her island bc of him aldjaksnls everything went according to grandma nyon's plan...

SANJI WAS RIGHT!! AKDJAKSJAKAK

The empresses died of repressed feelings.... can you believe how healing it is for hancock to know luffy... her opening up after being closed off for years....

He should have been hiding inside Salome.... you know... stretched....

AAAAAAAAARRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH AAAAAAAAARRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH AAAAAAAAARRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH AAAAAAAAARRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH AAAAAAAAARRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH

GAAAAAAAAAAAAARP!!!! WHEN I GET YOU GAAARP!!!!

NAMI NOOOOOOOOO LOOK AT HER :(

I got to see ace again... but at what cost.....

The drama...... look at the shading

That's real comedy 🚬🚬

Ace asking for garp to kill him so whitebeard and the rest are safe..... should we end it all.... "we've angered the king of the sea" KILL YOURSELF!!!!!! this is so strange!!! is he rooting for whitebeard?? does he want ace to lose another father?? what is going on inside that thick fucking head of his

[a-shade-of-blue]

Hi everyone. Mohammed Khalil (@ahmed0khalil) has asked me to share his story, and I’m writing on his behalf. Mohammed created the donation campaign for his little brother 6-year-old Ahmed, and he aims to raise funds to evacuate his family of 8. You can see in his blog how much he loves and worries for 6-year-old Ahmed. Mohammed is only 19 years old. This is not normal. He should have been in school, not begging for our attention to try and raise enough funds so that they can buy food, water, medicine, and a chance to evacuate to safety.

In Gaza, where the sounds of bombing blend with the cries of children, Mohammed and Ahmed's family experienced days they never imagined they would endure. Mohammed (19) and Ahmed (6) have four other siblings: Fathi, Aya, Anas and Abdullah. Aya (21) is a uni nursing student and Anas (15) is also a school student. Neither of them can study anymore with the current genocide. This war is especially hard on Fathi (23), who is blind and suffering from coronary artery disease, Abdullah (11) who is autistic and does not understand what is happening, and Ahmed (6), a small child who had barely started kindergarten before his education came to a halt.

The destruction that struck the area left them with no place to live. The sounds of explosions fill the horizon, and the homes that once sheltered them have become piles of rubble. They suddenly found themselves outside their home, homeless.

The bombing not only destroyed their home, but also severely injured Mohammed. Mohammed was sitting at the entrance of the school his family was sheltering in when three bombs were dropped in front of him. The bombs destroyed a residential tower in front of Mohammed. Dust filled the air and the resulting rubble and shrapnel fell on Mohammed, injuring him in the leg. Mohammed was so severely wounded that he could not walk, and he had to lie there, hurt and bleeding, for 2 hours before the Palestinian Red Crescent came and carried him to the hospital.

The bombing shattered the glass in the school Mohammed and his family was staying at, but thankfully the children sustained no serious injuries. Soon after, they were asked to evacuate the school immediately as there were news that the IOF were going to bomb the Abbas prison near it. And so even though Mohammed was wounded, he could not rest and wait for his leg to heal, but had to leave again with his family.

Now they are living in a small tent in a refugee camp. Mohammed told me that they had to bathe in polluted water and the place smelled of sewage and corpses. Camp life was difficult not only because of the scarcity of food, the infectious disease, and the polluted water, but also because of the psychological torture they endure. Looking at all the devastation, and how the world seems indifferent to their suffering, Mohammed told me that they, including young innocent 6-year-old Ahmed, had begun to lose hope for a better future.

Internet is unstable and often lacking in the refugee camp. Mohammed is using the precious time when Internet is available to tell me his story. I hope you will not turn away their calls for help. They urgently need donations to provide for shelter, food, and medicine, as well as to evacuate out of Gaza. Donations are coming in really slowly for Mohammed’s campaign, and I beg all of you, please, don't turn a blind eye to his story. 

Mohammed’s campaign has been shared by 90-ghost and I’ve also been talking extensively with him. He is a very nice person and he just really wants to help his family survive. Please, please, help Mohammed evacuate himself, his 5 siblings and his parents! Little 6-year-old Ahmed does not deserve to live in fear of falling bombs every day, and neither does Mohammed and the rest of his family. 

Really low funds! Only €1,185 raised of €50,000 target!!

Please share/reblog and donate to help a family of 8! These are children we are talking about, and my heart breaks for what they have to endure.

Please follow Mohammed and Ahmed on @ahmed0khalil to get updates on their situation!