#But otherwise the bow is my favourite weapon

[sprucestairs]

It is roughly hour 4 of me playing Hades and I got up to Meg's fight, thanks to uncle Poseidon coming in clutch with the call for aid boon right out the gate💪💪💪💪💪

[umbracirrus]

WIP Wednesday 💛

Hehehe, Wednesday is here again and I am feeling very excited because after a few weeks of doing drawings instead of writing, I've started getting back into the swing of things with writing! Plus it was nice to just take a break from putting words on paper, it felt refreshing re-opening my documents the other day.

I come with not one, but two snippets! One from an upcoming chapter of The Perfect Storm featuring Fjora and Sorik, two of my beloved Whiterun Guards, the other from the first chapter of As a leaf would scatter to the wind, which as of yet hasn't been posted (though I'm nearly there in getting it done, I hope!) featuring my dragonborn Aevra 😊

Tagging @thequeenofthewinter, @throughtrialbyfire, and anyone who wants to post a WIP! No obligations, of course :)

-------

Snippet 1:

“Aren’t you going out into the festivities? It’s the first time it’s been held in years, and you’re cooped up in here...”

A quill, thankfully not one which had been dipped into ink yet, tapped against a piece of empty parchment. The quill’s owner hummed thoughtfully, then nodded. “I’ll be heading out soon, Sor. Just want to finish writing this letter to a friend, then I’ll meet you out there.”

From where they were stood in the doorway of the barracks, Sorik sighed and shook their head. “Writing to your mystery friend again, Fjora? Are they that important that you’re taking our first night off-duty since getting officially instated, on the night of your favourite festival, to write to them? Who even is it?!”

“Somebody who hates a late reply, that’s who. I’m sorry, I intended to write this earlier but with all the hubbub with the meadery and being stationed out there, I’ve barely had the chance to even think of replying until now. It’s going to ruin the fun if it’s on my mind when out in the festivities, y’know?”

Again, Sorik sighed, but went and turned around to head out. “Fine, fine... But I’m not telling you what happens if you miss out on the inevitable drunken chaos once Hulda cracks open the barrels of spiced mead. Or saving you any!”

Fjora’s lip turned up at the corner, singing out her response to the threat. “You will~”

“No I wooon’t,” Sorik mocked, attempting to match her tone. “Guard’s salary, remember? You’re getting your own drinks, and that’s if you even get out of here tonight... So hopefully, I’ll see you soon?”

“Yeah... I’ll see you later. And don't worry, I’ll drag your drunken ass back here after.”

As soon as the door shut behind them, Fjora let out a sigh and ran her hands down her face, forgetting about the quill between her fingers until she felt a stinging line down her cheek from where the point had scraped against her skin. Trying to find the words she needed was... Hard. And she had no time – she had to get the document posted no later than the next morning. No courier would be able to take it that evening, so it would have to be then.

Taking a deep breath, she dipped the nib into her ink, and brought the quill to the paper.

Whiterun has mostly been quiet since I took on guard duties. Numbers are thin and wages crap meagre, but the Jarl has been finding funds to try and bolster numbers somehow? Probably raised taxes, but I won’t assume. Training was rather curious though – nothing like what I went through under you. The Dragonborn has been assisting in carrying it out, I was selected as part of the group put under her tutelage. She has a unique way with weapons, conjuring them as opposed to carrying them around. Prefers wielding two swords, though can wield both a battleaxe and a bow. She can look vulnerable and unarmed, then have her weapons drawn on you in an instant. She’s also rather intimidating when angry, the best way that I can put it is that you can feel the magic around her like pinpricks against your skin whilst the air that you breathe turns thick, as though you’re choking on it. But she’s otherwise calm and measured. Doesn't take much to get her to snap though. She lets the Jarl's eldest son watch the training she carries out too, I think she's got a soft spot for the boy or something. Otherwise, though I have been stationed in Dragonsreach on occasion since officially being named a guard, I have mostly been situated on the roads outside the city. There’s a cluster of farms out there which have recently been plagued by skeevers in what has turned out to be some sort of convoluted plot to take over the local meadery. It involved attempting to poison the residents of Dragonsreach, including the Jarl and Dragonborn, at some sort of planned mead tasting. Did I mention in a previous report that the Dragonborn has hidden behind the Jarl like a coward relocated to Dragonsreach as a security measure? I am going to put in the request to be stationed in Dragonsreach more frequently in the hopes that I can provide you with more information about the Jarl in future correspondence. As I have been able to establish something akin to a friendship? rapport with the Dragonborn, I may be able to use her to pull some strings. Sorik is also none the wiser. It is difficult concealing this from my friend, but I will not allow our friendship to jeopardise my mission. -F.

Fjora read and reread what she had written, almost certain that she would get a bollocking in her response over her level of formality and scribbles in what was meant to be an official report, but she didn’t really care. Something was better than nothing, and between her guard shifts and needing to sleep, time had not been on her side. Plus, the festival meant that this was the quietest the barracks had been in weeks.

Letting out a satisfied sigh, she folded the parchment, grabbed the envelope which had been set aside waiting, and inserted her message before sealing it. She then grabbed a book from under her bunk – knowing full well that nobody would dare touch a woman’s copy of Thief of Virtue, and slotted it between the pages. All she had to do in the morning was pull it back out, and get it in the hands of the first courier she could see on her way to her patrol route near the Battle-Born farm.

Snippet 2:

An Altmer slowly stumbled out of the foliage, and even in the looming darkness, he looked to have been worse for wear. Scrapes covered his skin, his robes were in tatters, and his eye looked swollen and bruised.

As Aevra approached the injured elf, the axe which was in her hand fell to the ground with a light thud. She was glad that she had let that happen, because mere moments later he keeled forward, a pained whine slipping from his lips as she caught him before he hit the ground.

Croaking quietly, the elf looked up at her, then forced a slight smile in her direction. "Y… You aren't one of them…"

"One of who, exactly?"

A painful sounding cough escaped his lips, followed by a weak groan. "Bandits. I was ambushed… The ruins nearby, Bthalft, had been taken over as I was… investigating. Barely escaped with my life."

Aevra frowned. Bandits in the vicinity of the camp was not good – she needed to inform the General and the Legate in charge of both that and the elf's presence… plus there was the chopped firewood which she needed to get moved.

"You don't look capable of moving right now. Are you okay to remain here for a few moments? I need to let my superiors-"

"No. I just… need a moment to catch my breath. Then I can heal myself and be on my way… Just needed somewhere safe to do so."

Once more, she felt her mouth being tugged downward at that statement, but she felt the sincerity in his words. As such, she helped him with sitting in the grass, before returning to her dropped axe and picking it up. There was a slight chime from behind her, in the direction from the elf, accompanied by a faint golden glow – distinctly that of a healing spell.

Deciding that there simply wasn't enough light to chop what remained of the wood in a reasonably safe manner, she picked up the small log she had been about to chop with her spare hand and tossed it back onto the pile needing to be cut, then meandered over to the pile of wood which had been chopped. It would take two or three trips to get it all to their appropriate destinations across camp… perhaps she could ask for assistance from one of the others when she brought in the first load.

"Ah… finally, much better."

She turned around, and noticed that the elf had indeed healed himself, had stood up, and was now dusting off his robes, tutting at the tears which were in the fabric.

Aevra pursed her lips together as she took a moment to look at the elf and take in his appearance in the dim light. The robes that he was wearing… they were awfully familiar. Unsettlingly so. When she realised what they were, she had to try to conceal the building anxiety which was forming in the pits of her stomach. Only one organisation came to mind at the sight of dark robes detailed in gold. She'd killed numerous wearing the same back in the Great War, and no doubt worked with just as many since. It was impossible not to recognise it. "You… You're a member of the Thalmor, aren't you?" And another, unspoken question lingered in her mind – just how did he get jumped by mere bandits? The Thalmor were very much prone to bragging of their capabilities…

A quiet snort came from the elf as he approached her, and placed a hand on her shoulder. "That I am."  Slowly, the corner of his lips turned up. "And you..."

[cherry-dr0p]

◇ Dedicated OC post ~ The Blyth Siblings ◇

Talking about my OCs more because I love them dearly :3

More info -

Sam Blyth

Age: 23

Pronouns/gender: They/Them [Non-binary]

Sexuality: Androsexual

Species: Angel / [REDACTED]

Height: 4'11

Description: Sam Blyth is the younger sibling of the Blyth family, being Andrew's younger sibling. Sam is a shy, sensitive soul who struggles to communicate with those they aren't familiar with and cries at any minor inconvenience that is brought upon them. They love to wear dresses due to the fact it makes them feel prettier.

They have an obsession with strawberries and adore the colour pink, especially baby pink. When you get to know Sam, they can be the kindest soul you could meet. Unfortunately Sam can get overly emotional a whole lot and can rarely stand up for theirself. They hardly ever get actually angry but when they do, they get angry. Sam LOVES animals, they deem them as cute and fluffy. However, their favourite are cats.

Powers: Sam technically is the strongest in my OC's universe, but they are completely clueless to that fact. Sam had been told from a young age to never use the abilities they have, which means that they don't use their more obvious abilities. However, being the angel of nature, although it isnt their total duty to look after the wildlife, they do so anyways due to their love for animals in general. They had soon discovered at a later age that they can communicate with animals, which makes things much easier in terms of finding out their needs.

Sam's gemstone weapon is a bow, meaning their can summon their own designed bow and arrows at any time given.

However, Sam discovers bit by bit little things, like controlling water, or making tiny gusts of wind. They cant control the weather as such, but they can currently do minor things. Sam hasn't been taught how to use their abilities, so it's only minor abilities they can do

Though when Sam feels extreme emotions (seething rage, unwavering sadness etc.), well. I won't explain. >:3 but they become much stronger for a short period of time. I will not elaborate because uhh mysteriousness or something.

Andrew Blyth

Age: 237

Pronouns/gender: He/him [Cis Male]

Sexuality: Bisexual

Species: Angel

Height: 5'6

Description: Andrew is the oldest sibling of the Blyth family, being Sam's older sibling. Andrew is filled with grace, elegance, and is extremely strict on how he presents himself. He is obsessed with how others perceive him, even going as far as to have his appearance a certain way, otherwise, it bothers him a lot. He is kind, caring, and mature. He enjoys the idea of him being a strong, corageous man.

Andrew is the role model in my universe, as others see him as almost "perfect" to a certain extent. Truth be told, how he presents himself to the public isnt how he really is. He has an alcohol problem and is quite depressed. The stress of desperately obsessing over continuing to serve others a role model wears him down. He has fought against 2 wars against the main antagonist of my universe - Discord - in which serves as a big reason people look up to him (especially the mortal humans). Only those extremely close to him know about his deteriorating mental health.

Andrew is a human born angel; being turned into one after dying unlike Sam, who was born one. His halo is twice the size of his head and his wings are huge. He was born in 1785 France, in which he became a famous poet in France(Paris) in the 1800s. Sadly, that was short lived as he died and became an angel in his 30s.

He loves to read books and write poems, and is also extremely intelligent. He can learn things he wants to rather quick with his intelligence and smarts.

(He's my most traumatised OC too 💀)

Power: Andrew has a couple of powers.

1. He has puppeteer strings that come from any surface to lift something/someone or control someone(for an extremely short amount of time. I.e. a minute or two). His strings are green and have a soft green glow to them, and weak or sturdy depending on Andrew's willpower or strength. However, this ability has some cons. First of all, he hardly ever combats anymore, so he rarely uses it for combat. Second, they have to be on a surface (i.e they cant come from the sky). Third, how sturdy or strong the strings are depends on his physical strength at the time (If he is weak, the strings will be too, and vice versa). Finally, He can only control people for a very short period of time, as it uses up his magic and strength very quickly. Typically he doesnt use the controlling part of his power as he just doesnt like the general feel of being able to do that.

2. Andrew's gemstone weapon is a golden spear, in which he can summon as many as he wishes in a single battle.

Yeah I'm done rambling :3 I love these two sm... But perhaps I shall introduce more later down the line.

[princerevelucide]

What are you favourite parts of each outfit fro your sona? (or if not every one, a couple of your faves) Such as powers, accessories, or design choices.

well!!! in order...

(all can be seen in high def on his toyhouse page)

-prince form is the truest representation of myself, and i'm proud of coming up with the floating crown hehe

-casual form was the original, so it has a nostalgic factor to me! he turns 4 this year!!!! also i was proud when i came up with the wool thickening towards the end of the cape and making a flowy tail..,

-masquerade form was the first venture into additional costumes for him, i liked the bow as the masquerade mask plus his little poison dagger!

-pyjamas form is just comfy! i like drawing the fluffy messy hair and the colours in it going everywhere...

-thunderstorm form has a really cute coat i think! i'm also proud of the umbrella!

-magical boy form really captures the feel i think, i was most proud of the sleeves and the cute long tails of the coat...

-i just like the idea of the magician form! the sparkly pants are silly but i think it's just incomplete without them hehe

-knight form took a while to get right but im proud of the way the colours on the armour come together!!

-summer form is based on the typical idea of gacha game summer alt outfits (mostly in magireco) and tbh i think i nailed the concept perfectly

-winter form has a cute coat...! i like the flowy frilly aurora thing on the front lining the edges of the coat, it changes colours...

-jester form was made on a whim but i was so proud of the spotty wool being on the ends of the hat!! i had trouble otherwise since it's a staple but i think that idea was super good

-human disguise form is just simple, but i also love the hat. it's based on a bunny ear hat i do have but i'd like a sheep hat just like it.... and the pins on it are accurate to the ones on my real hat!

and to answer your other question:

not really! they're mostly just for show and for the fun of designing, none of his powers are locked to a particular costume. the signature weapon of each costume is also really just for fun theming wise!

[space-ninja-fashion-show]

Behold: my new favourite nuke frame

Builds + what is happening and why under the cut

What the hell is happening and also why

This is a combination of Ivara's general sneakiness and crowd control, the Helminth ability "Marked for Death", and finishers with rapiers

Marked for Death allows you to target one enemy and send out the next instance of damage you deal to them in an AOE, down to damage type and procs

Rapiers proc slash on both front and back finishers, and in general finishers do an approximately fuckton of damage

Combine this with picking out the tankiest targets, and some easy finishers, and you've got a very small, very finnicky nuke

Builds

Note that neither of these builds are The Best They Could Be, but I'm showing exactly what I was using in the video

Ivara build:

Subsume Marked for Death over your choice of Navigator or Artemis Bow

Energy Conversion is your flex slot. It's not a necessity in my experience and is hard to reliably proc for Marked for Death specifically. You can swap in Infiltrate if you want to use this in tandem with spying, or Augur Message for a bit more duration on Prowl and Sleep Arrow

Preparation highly recommended, I'll add that to mine when I have a spare exilus adapter and also forma bc the zaw ate my last one

Arcane Grace is such a flex slot here that I completely forgot to swap in something more useful. Molt Efficency can help make the whole keeping enemies asleep thing a bit easier, otherwise no clue what could even go here

If you don't have Arcane Energise, Arcane Steadfast is a functional backup, since you'll be casting stuff pretty often. Often enough that you will Need that energy support. Bring energy pizzas or Zenurik just in case

Zaw build:

Plague Kripath, Peye, Vargeet II Jai rapier zaw

Volcanic Edge and Gladiator Might are your flex slots bc this is overkill in terms of damage even without them

Finishing Touch is your only Must here tbh and the rest is up to preference, but this build makes for an overall useable weapon

Corrosive bc fuck ferrite armour (not relevant to finishers, but to general use)

Arcane of your choice. Exodia Might seems like a logical choice but honestly you don't really need the healing between being invisible and pickpocketing everything that moves, and I haven't gotten to test whether Marked for Death procs it

You technically don't need a rapier to do this on Starchart, pretty much any weapon built for finishers will do, but on Steel Path you need those guaranteed slash procs for cleanup sometimes

Caveats

The game is fussy about when it counts something as a back finisher vs stealth finisher, and dishes out damage accordingly. Go for front finishers if you can, as those don't have this issue. Focus on humanoid enemies as some others cannot be front finisher'd (e.g. MOAs)

Marked for Death needs line of sight

The damage from Marked for Death never exceeds the remaining health of the target. Which is to say, single out the tanky ones

Targeting the enemy you're actually trying to finisher sometimes goes after another enemy bc Targeting Is Borked

Steel Path viable but take it with a grain of salt bc this isn't my field of expertise. And obviously bring something else that can deal with Acolytes and alerted Nullifiers (tested far-from-extensively on Sedna and Pluto)

Kills from Marked for Death count as ability kills, so if you wanna focus farm, make sure you've got a lens on your Ivara, not just your zaw

[dreamerwitches]

Hello it me once again I would to ask you yet again about designs but for the Oriko Magica girls.

Oh yes! Of course! I think Oriko might have my favourite outfits overall of the spinoffs since no designs are too gross. Like usual, these are my opinions, please continue to enjoy Oriko no matter what I say

I'm very fond of Oriko's outfit. I love the bridal and upperclass theme. I think it suits the fact her weapon isn't too close contact either. She doesn't really need an outfit that allows for too much movement. My only gripe is that her dress gets less fuller as the series went on, being far smaller and shorter in magireco... GIVE. ME. BALLGOWN. REALNESS!

I know a lot of people like Kirika but I'm just really not a fan of her outfit... I'm sorry. I detest a tight mini skirt on someone who's meant to be fighting and needs to be mobile. I think the droopy sleeves are silly too though it's suitable that they hide her claws. I think she would've suited a much more tuxedo styled outfit (give her trousers and a stylish jacket!). I'm also quite fond of her early/Online appearance with brown hair and a dark blue outfit. I feel it makes her a bit more unique, otherwise she gives me Kazumi vibes a bit too much

I think Yuma's outfit is very cute but did she need the cat theme? She never has anything to do with cats... It just feels like 'she's a cat girl cause Oriko needed a cat girl'. I think I actually prefer her concept outfit just because it's cuter even though it still has the cat theme. It might have been nice if her outfit was a cuter play on Kyoko's outfit considering her wish. I think her weapon works though

Sasa..! My secret fave! I love a girl with a clown/jester theme! I adore her hat and jacket as well as the reoccurring motif on her gloves and boots but I could do without the super short dress and thigh socks. Maybe a dress with a spiked hem to interweave with her jacket and maybe tights with a diamond motif to go with her buttons

Komaki's outfit isn't too special to me but I think it works. The colours are okay and there's good reoccurring patterns. Like usual, could do without the thigh highs. Her weapon suits her personality too

Not a fan of Lina's outfit but I think it works. It has a nice theme and I think all the colours work well together to fit with it. Maybe the skirt doesn't work so well since she has a lot of straight lines in her design then there's this round and puffy skirt. Maybe trousers would've worked better or a straight pleated skirt. Her outfit doesn't really fit her wish (though it's hard to link an outfit to it anyway) but it fits her leadership role.

Ah, Mio... we've finally got a stupid outfit XD what. Are. Those. Bottoms? Skirt trousers? I think the puffy trousers suit her best. Her outfit is just all over the place. I like the cape and top but I think all the special parts happen in her chest and the rest feels empty. Perhaps bell sleeves would work with her trousers. I always found her hair clip weird too. Perhaps two or some kind of hat to spruce up her head.

Miyako is another of my favourites <3 her outfit is very cute but considering she uses dolls to attack, it just isn't enough. Give me porcelain German doll realness. More bows, more lace, more frills! I think it'd look better if her hood was down too with a cute hat or head piece.

Mai's outfit is just a little boring to me. It doesn't suit her stern personality but it doesn't really help that we know very little about her... I don't think her hair bow and skirt suit her and her asymmetrical sleeves are weird. I think it would've worked better if one was more of a different style. Perhaps more of a knightly/warrior theme would've suited her more since she's one to follow orders

I love Koito but her outfit is surely something... It's um... a bit weird... I like the feathers but I feel like they weren't utilised very well. Her hat is just ugly and her dress is frumpy and shapeless... I think she's one that needs a complete redesign

Yes, we're doing the minor girls!

I'm guessing Futaba's death outfit is her magi outfit. Cute and has a good flower motif but a bit basic. Don't like her asymmetrical socks/shoes, just seem silly and a bit off compared to the rest of her outfit

Chihana's outfit is fun and quite suits her. The colours are appealling too. My only gripe may be that her headdress is a little weird

YES we're doing the witch magi!

Cecil's magi is very cute and works rather well with her witch. Maybe she should have bunches like Cecil...

Stacy's magi isn't my fave, she doesn't seem to have a very noticeable theme. Stacy seems to have a sewing theme but her magi has a more scholarly appearance. No apparent link to cats either.. But the uniform feel is kinda cute. Nice to have a magi with glasses though!

Virginia's magi is cute but we don't see her whole outfit... I like the shapes and it all seems balanced well (also I think I'm soft for her cause she looks like Elly...)

[kierancampire]

I cannot stress, the speed at which I was taking things down! I am not a lover of the bow, it's one of my weaker and least favourite weapons. Yet this????? Having multiple things boost my attack, having my attack speed increased, not needing to charge attacks and being able to rapidly shoot, then shooting in 3 bursts? Hades just about only killed me once, my only death the entire run, but it wasn't skill, I just killed everything so fucking fast! Like, everything, literally everything died in 5 or less shots, and I don't think a single enemy outside of bosses took longer than 4-5 seconds to kill. Adding on being able to take down multiple enemies too?

Like, Hades spawned the cart things with armour which usually fuck up my runs, I hate them, yet this run? Like I said, a couple seconds and they were gone! Annoyingly I paused a few times for different things, otherwise I definitely would have had my fastest run. If I could get that set up every time I used the bow, god it was good

[britesparc]

I posted 54 times in 2022

51 posts created (94%)

3 posts reblogged (6%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@wilwheaton

@1980sactionfigures

I tagged 51 of my posts in 2022

Only 6% of my posts had no tags

#top ten - 49 posts

#movies - 18 posts

#games - 13 posts

#tv - 9 posts

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Longest Tag: 109 characters

#look i could have gone with as in being born but i sort of did that in the intro so what else did you expect

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Weekend Top Ten #534

Top Ten Tom Cruise Films

So we return once again to the well of Listing an Actor’s Fillums. I quite like doing this, although I do wonder if it’s just going to show up glaring gaps in my film knowledge because I haven’t seen, say, Born on the Fourth of July. But anyway! Let’s plough on!

Tom Cruise, what a guy, eh? One of these genuinely larger-than-life actors, not just a movie star but a force of nature – the living manifestation of destiny, if you will. He’s legitimately good – Oscar-worthy – but he also has with him an aura of other-worldliness. Frankly, what he does seems not just impossible, but, like, implausible. He could make movies without jumping off things. He really could! It’s true! Adam Sandler manages it. But Cruise still does all these crazy things; he can’t fight like Iko Uwais or Donnie Yen – or even Keanu Reeves – but he still manages to pull off scenes that are just insane to behold. His films are events, and even if he’s making sequels to a beloved franchise, really the franchise is Tom Cruise Films.

So he’s a cool, charismatic leading man, with genuine acting chops, who somehow manages to always one-up himself in terms of a unwavering commitment to physically and mentally taxing stunt work (including, let’s not forget, flying jets for real in Top Gun: Maverick). But at the same time he tends to operate at this level of remove. We can’t fault him for his desire for privacy, but even setting aside specifics, he approaches everything with an almost messianic zeal and rictus grin that is, for some, off-putting. Whatever attributes he has – and to be clear, I like him a lot as an actor – he’s not really in that warm and fuzzy Tom Hanks zone, or even the nice-guy action hero mode of, say, Christ Hemsworth (I’m leaving that typo in because I have decided now that Jesus looks like this). He’s like this Hollywood monolith, immense and fascinating but also, in a funny way, alien and unrelatable. He does impossible things for odd reasons but they also, for the most part, turn out to be really, really great.

And here are my ten favourite films of his.

A Few Good Men (1992): oooh, an Aaron Sorkin film tops the list, big surprise David. But this really is an all-timer. A superb – superb – script, fantastically orchestrated by Rob Reiner at the height of his powers, a cast to die for, and Cruise at his best, channelling his two great attributes – cocky wankerism and earnest, soulful humanism – to weapons-grade effect.

The Mission: Impossible Franchise (1996-2024): gah, already I cheat. Yes, I don’t really see the point in splitting the franchise; there would probably be two or three separate films here otherwise. But Cruise’s performance as Ethan Hunt is probably the most iconic of his career, as he acts suave and cool whilst running up things or diving off them or clinging onto them. The variety of tones and styles and the increasingly bonkers stuntwork helps define a franchise that is going to be nearly thirty years old when Cruise finally bows out of it, and arguably has produced better films than Bond or Bourne. Oh, and for the record – with a re-watch sorely needed – I’d rank them Fallout, 1, Rogue, Ghost, 2, 3.  

Rain Man (1988): arguably the hardest and most successful performance of his career, opposite Dustin Hoffman’s attention-sucking turn. Hoffman got all the plaudits back in the day, but Cruise’s slow-burn shift from, basically, entitled shit to empathetic and melancholy carer is beautifully, organically, realistically played out – and, I’d argue, has aged better.

Collateral (2004): Cruise has rarely played proper baddies (I’d love to see him in a Tarantino film), but he’s cool as ice here, with his salt-and-pepper do, coercing Jamie Foxx into driving him round an ice-cold pitch-black LA as he goes from kill to kill. A tense, gorgeous film, but a great performance from Cruise as the slick assassin.

Edge of Tomorrow (2014): cruise has an ease with charm and/or smarm, and often subverts it in interesting ways; such as the opening of this film, when he’s the slippery coward getting by on his flash and pomp. This gives way to earnest, hard-won heroism as the film progresses, but it’s a bold move; as is the trippy time-loop plot. Thoroughly underrated, this is probably the closest a Cruise film comes to “cult classic”.

Minority Report (2002): there’s a cold, aloof slickness to Spielberg’s direction in this one – lots of glass and lens flare and a desaturated palette – as Cruise’s grieving cop goes on the run. Cruise is very good at running, one of cinema’s all-time great runners, and he deploys that skill to fantastic effect here, managing to feel like the endangered everyman resorting to all manner of freaky sci-fi trickery to clear his name. Feels a little undersung, this one, despite its pedigree; those funky stun-guns deserve a lot of praise.

Magnolia (1999): a dense and complex ensemble of mixed emotions and varying degrees of tragedy, Cruise is shocking as the utterly hateful self-help guru preaching misogynistic bollocks to his crowds of arsehole followers. Yes, yes, we all remember his dialogue and all the swears, but it’s how his layers are gradually unpeeled by the plot that really hits home.

Jerry Maguire (1996): another case of Cruise undermining his own cool image, here as an agent in the midst of an existential crisis. He owns this film, carries it entirely, with a performance that is almost all outward bluster and internal angst, frantically struggling to keep above water. He utterly sells it, makes Jerry a compelling and convincing character, and I don’t care how cheesy it is, “you had me at hello” always makes me cry.

Tropic Thunder (2008): another shocking and surprising supporting turn from Cruise, here displaying comic chops we rarely see. His performance as an utterly awful mogul might have dated a bit, post-Weinstein, but it’s so completely out-there it has to be seen to be believed. In a film full of out-there stuff, it fits right in, and serves as an indication that Cruise has more range than he’s often given credit for.

Eyes Wide Shut (1999): a very strange and divisive film, I really love how Cruise’s intense, internalised doctor carries the narrative just by wandering round strange places, meeting strange people, and seeing some very strange things. It’s an entirely reactive performance with no show or bluster, very languid, almost serene; the calm centre in a storm of batshit intensity and soft porn shenanigans.

4 notes - Posted May 28, 2022

#4

Weekend Top Ten #529

Top Ten Channel 4 Programmes

I’ve said this many times, but because I often like to tie these lists to things that are happening in the real world, or at least specific dates, it sometimes means that I shunt things around, or have a good idea but it has to get pushed back a bit to make room. So it was a couple of weeks ago, when The Powers That Be decided that for entirely partisan reasons, Channel 4 would be privatised. Like many others, I don’t think this is a good idea; Channel 4 has been home to some remarkable telly for the last thirty-odd years, and the way its funded and the way it develops programmes is not only special and unique, but it’s also specifically designed to foster and promote home-grown content (from the private sector, no less!). Quite simply, I can’t think of an economic or creative reason to privatise Channel 4, unless you stood to gain personally from its sale, or if you felt its exemplary news coverage would become more cowed and fearful under a corporate hand.

Hmmm.

Anyway, all this news has kind of blown over for a bit, as we focus once again on horrors abroad and righteous fury here at home. But it stuck with me, because I wanted to do something to celebrate, to praise Channel 4. For most of my life – certainly the bits where I think of me as me, which is to say from about the age of ten onwards – Channel 4 has been my favourite channel. It showed edgier stuff, funnier stuff; great home-grown comedies and quiz shows, awesome imported stuff. There was a while there where 6pm on a weeknight was almost guaranteed to give you some good stuff, and the whole “comedy from 9pm” thing on a Friday night was a reason to stay in when I was still too young to go out. They showed great films (hell, they made great films), they had interesting and provocative dramas, and – this is genuinely important – sometimes they were a bit rude.

More than just the quality of their programming, though, they shaped me, helped me foster my own identity. I very quickly gravitated towards Channel 4 and BBC2 as I entered my teens, finding interest and solace in the quirkier and edgier stuff they offered, away from the mainstream. Below you’ll find ten series that I adored, and that were hugely influential, and I’ll try to explain why; but beyond that, Channel 4 was a window to a wider world. I graduated from Roald Dahl to stuff like Michael Crichton and Stephen King almost overnight, I started reading Empire magazine, and I’d watch weird films on Channel 4, strange documentaries, programmes fronted by Jonathan Ross, who’d interview scabrous comedians I’d never heard of. It’s all wrapped up, for me, with discovering Quentin Tarantino and Kevin Smith, with hearing Jarvis Cocker and Nick Cave for the first time. Channel 4 was the gateway drug to adolescence, and I don’t know what that would be for kids nowadays. TikTok, presumably.

So here we go. Ten programmes from a fantastic channel. Oh, and by the way, they’ve got so much good stuff to choose from, that I’ve specifically isolated home-grown hits. Stuff commissioned (as far as I understand it) by Channel 4 themselves. Perhaps later I’ll do one about acquisitions and foreign imports, because the importance of watching US comedies on a Friday night can not be overstated. But that’s why Friends isn’t on the list.

Spaced (1999-2001): I came to this a little late, after it had wrapped up, but it immediately became an all-timer. Not just the way it nailed both late-nineties life (all videogames and X-Files posters), not just its depiction of early adulthood, and not just its hilarious scripts, full of clever wordplay, pop culture references, and great gags. It was the style of it all. There was ambition here exploding every which way, with young creatives who wanted to seize it all. it was unlike anything I’d seen on British TV, and in a way it still is; it’s sort of unsurprising that so many of its architects have gone on to be legitimate Hollywood talents, although it’ll always be weird for me to see Tim From Spaced stood next to Tom Cruise.

Vic Reeves Big Night Out (1990-91): “What’s at the end of the stick, Vic?!” Talk about stuff you’ve never seen before, this was a revelation. The most surreal, hilarious, and just plain daft comedy show imaginable; strange games, odd masks, glorious Teesside accents. I was immediately hooked on this weirdo done up like a fifties lounge singer and his strange compatriots, and I followed Vic and Bob avidly from that moment on. they might have refined the act in The Smell of… but its glorious, ramshackle origins were something to behold.

Garth Marenghi’s Darkplace (2004): another one I didn’t see till later (quite a bit later, as it was introduced to me when I was at CITV) but blimey, what a good ‘un. Like Spaced, it’s astounding how well it was put together, the pitch-perfect spoof of cheesy eighties TV, of horror movies, of pulp horror; but also just the comedy, the silliness, the gags. In a way it was straighter than Spaced but also more arch, more surreal; moments like the bicycle chase are seared in my brain, lines like “I know writers who use subtext, and they’re all cowards” still generate a giggle. And what a cast!

Father Ted (1995-98): not a revolutionary new format like Spaced or Darkplace, but as a traditional old-school sitcom, Father Ted was nigh-on perfect. Four perfectly cast leads, and – in Ted and Dougal – one of the great self-important buffoon/absolute colossal idiot double-acts of all time. With an Irish background, and having spent a lot of time over there, the various gags about parochialism, Irish culture, and Catholicism really hit home. Above all, though, it’s funny; it’s a bit surreal, it’s got a slightly nasty streak, but basically it’s hilarious. And for that I do have to give credit to Graham Linehan; his script, with Arthur Matthews, is genius, and makes his subsequent descent into batshit bigotry all the more upsetting.

Brass Eye (1997-2001): I’ve always loved fake news; or, rather, programmes that purported to be real. Here we have it done expertly, in a way I’d never seen before. The cod-seriousness, the sensational headlines, the stories that were only just too silly… but mostly it was the pranks and the stunts, the roping in of hapless celebrities, the “made up drug” of it all. It was genius, true, and it was done so damn well; but as a teenager, I adored it because I got the joke. I understood what it was doing and why, and that made me feel smart at an age when you like to feel you’ve gotten there under your own steam.

Whose Line is it Anyway? (1988-99): nothing fancy here, just comedy. Out-and-out, laugh-out-loud comedy. Four comedians given a premise, and away they go, improvising outrageous and hilarious flights of fancy. I loved this so much; I immediately became a huge fan of the likes of Mike McShane, Josie Lawrence, and Tony Slattery. More than that, I wanted to be on the show. It’s probably too much to say watching it gave me the acting bug, but the thought of improvising like that, of being that spontaneously funny, stuck with me. They could really bring this one back. I wish they would.

Black Books (2000-04): another delightfully surreal, skewed view of reality, and another one that’s a joy to revisit as we see the burgeoning careers of film and TV superstars. Dylan Moran’s Bernard Black is a wonderfully wicked creation, a mix of apathy, misanthropy, and wine. The supporting cast of Tamsin Grieg and Bill Bailey offer suitably different shades of sunshine and shadow, and the whole thing just falls together wonderfully. It’s bloody funny is what I mean.

The Big Breakfast (1992-2002): yeah, it’s not all sitcoms round ‘ere. I wondered which I liked best: the breakfast show or the evening show? This or TFI Friday? In the end I plumped for this, a revolution in TV formatting, a handheld whirligig of a wakeup call. Very bright, very loud, very fast, this was the perfect antidote to the smartly-dressed-people-sitting-down format that dominated breakfast telly (and still does, really); a kind of half-grown-up version of Live and Kicking, and much closer in tone to radio breakfast shows. And it had Zig and Zag, for god’s sake. What more do you want in a morning?

Eurotrash (1993-2004): ahem. Yeah, it was a bundle of smut, but it was done so entertainingly: German nudists given thick, matter-of-fact Brummie accents; stories about poop and saunas and folklore, or all three at once; Antoine de Caunes and Jean-Paul Gaultier (Gaultier for goodness’ sake!) trading camp bon-mots. It was so good-natured in its celebration of weirdness and muckiness, an eye-opener in more ways than one. It’s a friendly, warm embrace of a show, deliriously camp and resoundingly sex-positive, but also charming and quaint.

The Last Resort with Jonathan Ross (1987-88): if I’m honest, the show I most associate with pre-mainstream Wossy is Mondo Rosso, the fabulous BBC2 late-night series that dug into the weird filmland esoterica that he so adores. But it was here, in Ross’ debut, that I first appreciated (at far too young an age! I watched this when it first went out!) his humour, smarts, and cheek. Honestly, thirty years ago, he really was something new, a British spin on an American-style late-night host. He interviewed interesting people, told great jokes, and really was a modernised and youth-centric old-school presenter; Wogan for the Young Ones generation. I followed his early Channel 4 career before he jumped ship for the Beeb, eventually becoming Mr. Light Entertainment. I still prefer him when he veers into the tall grass to talk about something odd and random that he really loves, rather than when he’s interviewing Adele or whatever.

There you go, Channel 4. You may notice the focus on comedy and light entertainment here; I think that’s because the dramas, whilst I enjoyed them, came and went for me, even the really, really good ones; whereas the comedy just got sort of wedged in my brain, often watched over and over. So sorry about that, especially when you think about the great Russel T. Davies dramas. But anyway: Channel 4 is just great as it is, so let’s not cock it up.

4 notes - Posted April 23, 2022

#3

Weekend Top Ten #557

Top Ten Tarantino Movies

In 1993 I started reading Empire magazine. I’d probably read it a little bit before then; my mum would pick it up occasionally and I’d have flicked through it (sidebar: several years ago I bought issue 1 of Empire off eBay and thought it seemed familiar; I mentioned this to my mum, and she said yes, in all likelihood she’d bought it in 1989 but hadn’t held onto it. I dread to think how warped my psyche would be if I’d been regularly reading it since the age of seven…). Anyway, in 1993 they put out an issue with Jurassic Park on the cover, and that was it; I was hooked. I’ve had every issue since and have subscribed for nearly twenty years now.

One of the things that happened when I started reading a film magazine every month – one that was, at its core, aimed at adults – was that I was exposed to the wider world of the film industry. The magazine, naturally, took for granted that its audience was familiar with certain concepts and characters from the world of film. Given the relatively irreverent nature of Empire, there was always a sense of fun and playfulness as they threw in references to Burt Reynolds, Satyajit Ray, and Richard E. Grant. It made me want to seek out new films and new experiences, and of course this all took place in my early adolescence, when I was increasingly fascinated by all kinds of things out there in the wider world.

One of the very first things I remember was discussion about the banning of Reservoir Dogs, and how best to source a bootleg VHS of the film. This was, most likely, my introduction to the works of Quentin Tarantino, and let me tell you, nothing will make a young boy more interested in a film than telling him that he’s not just allowed to watch it, but that it would be illegal to do so.

The years went on and the story of this nerd who worked in a video store and wrote fascinating and hilarious and violent scripts full of movie references, and who was now a lauded and respected filmmaker, absolutely lit a fire in me. Tarantino, Kevin Smith, Danny Boyle, even Bryan Singer (cough); these were young guys, who looked like I wanted to look and made filthy, funny movies with a cocky swagger to them. I wanted to be them, especially the likes of Quentin and Kevin who wrote their own movies. I had to write about my hero for a school project and I picked Tarantino, despite only having seen – at most – one film at that point, and being far too young for it anyway. He was probably the only filmmaker who ever rivelled Spielberg as being my number-one favourite, my go-to influence.

The years went by and the gaps between his films became longer. A certain outlandish eccentricity drifted into his direction; the scripts became, arguably, a little less quotable, a bit flabbier. After the blistering intensity of the stylised but mostly-grounded opening trilogy, his films became, quite often, wacky exercises in referencing and imagery and flights of fancy. Sometimes this works better than others. Mostly, though, the violence and grit that I loved so much in the nineties seemed excessive, gratuitous, and juvenile by the 2010s. We – the audience – became more attuned to what it took to put that violence on screen, how the actors were treated scene to scene, and exactly what Tarantino’s relationship with Harvey Weinstein was. It soured the experience a little bit, which wouldn’t have been so bad, but there were a couple of films there that, frankly, disappointed. Far from the do-no-wrong wunderkind, he’s as fallible as the rest, and as prone to egotistical grandstanding as many a director before him.

I can’t talk about Tarantino too objectively because – like Spielberg, or like The Transformers, or really like Empire magazine in general – he’s far too tied into my own psyche and development. And he made three films there in a five-year period that are just outstanding achievements, absolute masterpieces, showing a growing maturity and sense of screenwriting craft that – I’d argue – has been scant in the two decades since. He’s still one of my favourite filmmakers, one I’ll always want to see, one who always excites me; but now his films, like, say, Wes Anderson’s – are their own indefatigable thing. I think you’re either into him or you’re not, and whilst I still think he lets his writing run on a bit, and whilst I think his statements about violence – and his use of violence, for that matter – are nowhere near as profound as he thinks they are, especially given his own complicated history of treating female cast members on set, I think it’s fair to say that Quentin Tarantino will be remembered very fondly.

And, look. His films may be goofier and weirder, but that style was always there really, we just fooled ourselves into thinking he’d expand his flavours instead of doubling down. And once you sign up to the fact that all of his films take place in a parallel universe – where Django freed the slaves and Jewish soldiers killed Hitler – it all makes a lot more sense, and we can enjoy them as what they always were: alt-universe sci-fi movies. Sort of a pity he never did make his version of Star Trek, really.

Pulp Fiction (1994): building on the promise of Dogs, this sophomore film is a multi-layered, non-linear affair, juggling multiple characters across disparate yet interconnected storylines over a number of days. The witty intricacies of Tarantino’s dialogue are best displayed, from French fast food to Vietnamese prisons; it’s his most-quotable film. There are tremendous performances, with regular contributor Sam Jackson making his first appearance. But it’s the strength of confidence, of filmmaking rigour, of a cinematic force coming to full fruition, that lingers long after the stunning soundtrack has faded from our ears.

Reservoir Dogs (1992): one hell of a debut. A blistering, bloody affair, with a great ensemble of mostly non-stars and a taught, tight screenplay based mostly around one location. Drew attention – outside of its violence, which to be fair isn’t as strong as was made out; it’s just got a generally nasty atmosphere – because of its great script, of course, but to marshal such a cast in such limited circumstances – to make five guys in one warehouse seem consistently cinematic – showcased his directorial prowess too.

Jackie Brown (1997): an incredibly rare adaptation from Sir Quent, he nevertheless takes Elmore Leonard’s Rum Punch and makes it entirely his own, a Blacksploitation homage that’s neither gratuitous or foolish, centred on a quartet of aging characters despite Tarantino’s youth at the time. A mature, sensible film that’s also tremendous fun, despite an air of threat and melancholy, it promised a variety of tone from Tarantino that arguably never materialised. Was the first of his films to receive, I would say, genuine criticism despite it being absolutely bloody great.

Django Unchained (2012): ever since Tarantino cameoed in Pulp and unleashed a tirade of N-words, he’s had a complex relationship with race, heavily criticised by Spike Lee and defended by Jackson. After the affection shown in Jackie, he delivered this, his exploration of the slave trade and its place in the history of America. And it’s fantastic, very close to the master of his first three films; a dark, tense tour-de-force of brutality as Django goes on a quest for righteous vengeance. Utilising the tropes of classic B-Westerns – and, of course, the vast Django franchise – Tarantino threads the needle between exploitative cheese and intelligent discourse. Can’t believe Will Smith turned it down; biggest mistake he’s ever made.

Once Upon a Time in… Hollywood (2019): Tarantino’s most recent film feels like a love letter to cinema, and especially the era that seems to resonate throughout his work. Weaving in both real-life cinematic icons of the age – from Polanski to Bruce Lee – as well as one of its most notorious violent crimes feels entirely on-brand for Tarantino. What surprises is both the warmth and optimism of the story; whilst the central characters may be loveable idiots for the most part, they’re not the thieves and killers of prior films. Not since Jackie Brown have we celebrated niceness like this. And as a sprawling nostalgic epic, it’s sublime; it beautifully marries its own fictional story within the wider framework of cinematic history. In fact, I’d argue it would be right up there with the First Three if it weren’t for its misjudged, nasty, over-the-top edgelord finale, with some of the most brutal and gratuitous violence in Tarantino’s oeuvre. Tone it down, Quent; you’re not fifteen and we’re not impressed.

Kill Bill: Volume 2 (2004): after the First Three, it felt like a long time before we got a new Tarantino, and he returned with the epic revenge saga of Kill Bill, something of a gearshift from what came before. And whilst most people prefer the first Volume (see below), it’s part 2 that I enjoy more. Less outrageously exuberant, it still boasts a couple of excellent – and grittier – fight scenes, but it’s got a bit more of the Tarantino wit and wordplay about it, especially in the final scenes with Thurman’s Bride and Carradine’s Bill.

Kill Bill: Volume 1 (2003): so, yeah, Kill Bill is a much cartoonier affair than most Tarantinos; in fact, I think it’s canonically supposed to be an in-universe film. But with that comes some of the most outlandish action that ol’ QT has directed; most specifically a vivacious and violent assault as the Bride gets medieval on a roomful of sword-wielding assailants. It’s shallow and weird and maybe is the beginning of Tarantino running away with himself, but it’s damn good fun.

Inglourious Basterds (2009): this is a film of two halves. One half is an incredibly dark, tense affair, with Christoph Waltz’s eloquent but barbaric Nazi matching wits with vengeful cinema operator Mélanie Laurent. It’s serious, intense, full of Tarantinoid dialogue, and shot through with a love of cinema. The other half – about the titular Basterds and their quest – is looser, wackier, not quite as funny as it thinks it is. These two disparate entities collide at the end (and also, tonally at least, merge in the excellent bar scene featuring Michael Fassbender), a finale which is raucous and ridiculous and scary and, well, quite good fun really.

Death Proof (2007): weird and off-kilter, not necessarily in a good way, this feels like Tarantino in search of structure. The plot – serial killer Stuntman Mike offs people in his car – is fine; but we spend too long with not-altogether-interesting characters before they’re brutally murdered, and also too long, frankly, getting to know our trio of heroes. It has its highs – some insane car chases and stuntwork – and great performances, but frankly it’s a lot better when cut down as part of Grindhouse.

The Hateful Eight (2015): some people really go to bat for this, but I think it exemplifies the worst traits of Tarantino. It’s way too long, full of wordy but not very elegant monologues. None of the characters are likeable, but also they’re not really interesting or fun to be around. He fails to make the single location dynamic or tense in the way he did with Dogs. And it’s really nasty, mean-spiritedly so, with a rather unpleasant misogynistic streak. There are smatterings of fun to be had, and it’s got a stellar cast, but for me it’s long, excessive, and a bit boring.

You’ll note I didn’t really consider films he wrote but didn’t direct, like True Romance or Natural Born Killers. This is for three reasons: even excluding portmanteau Four Rooms, he’s made ten films as director, so I could do a full list regardless; it’s debatable how “Tarantino” his writing credits are, especially Killers, which I think was heavily reworked by Oliver Stone; and, well, it’s been ages since I saw them and didn’t feel it fair to judge (my memory of Romance is that it would sit just after Jackie Brown, if that helps). So there you go.

Now, Tarantino has said that he intends to make ten films and then retire, but he’s counting the two parts of Bill as one entity. So that means he’s got one film left in him. It doesn’t look like it’s Star Trek anymore, if that was ever genuinely on the cards; he’s spoken on and off in the past about doing a proper sequel to Kill Bill, but we’ll see where that goes (apparently he wants to get Maya Hawke to play the Bride’s daughter, who’d have seen that one?). Or maybe he’ll do something else entirely; a romcom or a musical or a Marvel movie. Hey, given how much he’s banging on about Peppa Pig recently, maybe he’ll make a kids’ film. That would be a hell of a way to end a career that began with ear-slicing and Madonna’s sex life.

6 notes - Posted November 5, 2022

#2

Weekend Top Ten #520

Top Ten CBeebies Programmes

Ah, the wonders of timing. A couple of weeks ago, everyone was banging on about it being the twentieth anniversary of CBeebies, and I wanted to get in on that action. But, wouldn’t you know it, Valentine’s Day got in the way of relevance, and so we’re doing a birthday celebration a bit belatedly. Never mind. By the time you get to twenty, you should be able to wait a little bit.

I’ve thought about CBeebies a lot, and some version of this list – or one like it – has been percolating for quite a while. This is because I’ve worked in kids’ TV almost my entire adult life, and especially since my kids have been born, I’ve spent a lot of time working actually for the BBC, oftentimes making promos for CBeebies. So both personally – having small children who watch the channel – and professionally – making stuff for the channel – CBeebies has been a big part of my life in the past decade.

What’s given me pause, though, is the fact that I actually know some people who make programmes for CBeebies. I don’t wanna upset anybody! Especially, y’know, anybody who might want to give me a job. So what I’m going to say here is this is not a list of absolute quality; I’m not saying these are the best. But they’re the ones I’ve fallen in love with the most. That might be because I think the writing or production is genuinely sublime; it might be because we came across them at the right time in the right circumstances. Maybe my kids loved them! When your kids love stuff, really love it, you tend to soften on it, even if you weren’t very keen on it to begin with. This is brought to you by “I have totally come around on Minecraft YouTubers”.

Oh, and yes, there are omissions. That’s because, as my kids have gotten older, they’ve started watching, well, more Minecraft YouTubers than CBeebies shows. I’ve got friends with younger kids who go on about Bluey, which I’m sure – from the sounds of it – I would just flat-out love. But I’ve never seen it! My kids are too old, I guess. Or too into Avatar: The Last Airbender or whatever. Or – let’s be honest – they’re just playing Minecraft, or watching people play Minecraft.

So here we go: my Top Ten CBeebies shows; shows that mean a lot, one way or another.

Hey Duggee: is it the music, the artwork, the voiceover? The tone of wry whimsy combined with heartfelt preschool sentiment? Is it the genuine humour and excellent writing? Is it the raft of in-jokes and references, from The Life Aquatic to Apocalypse Now? Is it my minor role in making The Stick Songgo viral? All of this and more; the best children’s TV programme ever made.

In the Night Garden: simultaneously a very sweet and gentle imagery and music that lulls children into another world and, ultimately, to sleep, and also the most bonkers, batshit, balls-tripping stuff you’re likely to see. Nonsense songs! Size-changing vehicles! Dancing flowers! Symmetrical stone-stacking!

CBeebies Bedtime Stories: Jackanoryfor the 21st Century, the simple pleasure of somebody reading a story aloud will always work. The soft, relaxing presentation adds to the “bedtime” aspect, and a huge selection of impressive celebrity readers makes it an event programme for all ages. I mean, come on; everyone from Dolly Parton to Captain America is here.

Topsy and Tim: creating a kind of soap opera for nippers is a phenomenal idea, introducing them to ongoing narratives and stories about familial dynamics. There are all kinds of cool topics explored, from illness to bereavement, with a keen eye on its audience. The cute family and great performances help too. A common fixture round ours.

Show Me Show Me: I’m starting to think nobody is better at introducing the very young to the world of television that Chris Jarvis and Pui Fan Lee. Gentle, engaging, fun, and a perfect start to the day when your kids get you up too early.

Swashbuckle: the perfect kind of gameshow for young kids; really energetic silliness. But what lifts it up is the bevvy of terrific performances, from Gemma Hunt to the trio of pirates, telling incredibly silly and very funny stories amidst the slapstick, chaotic gameplay. Plus I got to go on set, so it gets extra points.

Our Family: there were a trio of programmes, all made – if I remember correctly – by the same North East production company, following the lives of the very young as they experience things anew. Our Family was one, but there was also a cooking programme and one dealing with “My First…” These were great windows into individual lives and shared experiences, and really sweet preschool documentaries.

Waffle the Wonder Dog: taking the Topsy and Tim preschool soap format but making it way sillier, we now have essentially a comedy-drama about a talking dog and his beleaguered family. Hijinks ensue, lessons are learned, and at the centre of it is a flat-out adorable dog.

My Petsaurus: here we have, perhaps, a lesser-known show, but one which was just huge in our house, albeit briefly. A short selection of shorts, it features a girl and her cute pet dinosaur. That’s it; a simple premise, really well executed. I’m a sucker for an interplay of animation and live-action, and this is a great example, with a really good young performance at its centre. Because my kids were into it a bit more, it’s just eased out the broadly similar Woolly and Tig, which is also brilliant.

Go Jetters: there’s a lot of chatter about Octonauts, which I’m not going to diss, but for my money you can’t beat Go Jetters. A preschool Thunderbirds with a globetrotting bent, where it succeeds for me is in the absolute disco swagger of all-knowing boss Ubercorn, and especially in the moustachioed grump Grandmaster Glitch. Two incredible performances from Tommie Earl Jenkins and Marc Silk.

See, I already feel really bad for having to miss out things like Balamory, Dinopaws, and the educational one-two punch of Alphablocks and Numberblocks. Basically, CBeebies is great.

I've made a very rare edit to this list (I hardly ever edit them after they're posted apart from to correct spelling and grammar mistakes!) because, like a massive idiot, I confused the titles Let's Play and Show Me Show Me - so in the very unlikely event that you were confused by me referring to Chris and Pui instead of Rebecca and Sid, that's why. Sorry to all involved! In fact, Let's Play itself was a very close-run thing, a fantastic show that my youngest especially loved.

13 notes - Posted February 19, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Weekend Top Ten #558

Top Ten “Weird Al” Yankovic Songs

In retrospect, I should have done this last week and the Tarantino list this week. But really, what is more Al than just randomly getting something very, very slightly off? Because there’s a fillum out and I want to celebrate. Weird: The Al Yankovic Story stars Harry Potter as “Weird Al” Yankovic in a hard-bitten biopic of drugs and excess that is only available on a streaming service you’ve never heard of that isn’t even accessible in the UK, and is both the true story of Yankovic’s rise to success and also completely made up. And as someone who’s been a huge Al fan for over twenty years, this is incredibly exciting, hilarious, and rather frustrating in equal measure. Anyway: to celebrate, here’s a list.

Yankovic is an incredibly gifted musician and performer, something that I think is often hidden by the fact that he’s most famous as a parodist. But it’s one thing to just change the words of a song to make a joke; it’s another to spend forty years adapting multiple genres and styles of music, as well as expertly recreating famous videos, as well as making parodic references to everything from Star Wars to Santa Claus. The breadth of his talent and musicality, to say nothing of how funny and effective he is as an overall writer and performer, is frankly astonishing; in his career he’s turned is hand to everything, from gangsta rap to piano ballads and all sorts in between, to say nothing of his legendary polka medleys of popular songs.

All this brings us to the list itself, which at the end of the day is just my favourite of his songs. And I tell ya, it was hard! This was one of the hardest ones I’ve done, I think! Like with all kinds of music, really, you veer towards different songs at different times, so how does one compare American Pie to Pretty Fly for a White Guy, the works of Billy Joel to the works of Coolio? So we just come to my basic criteria, which is: how much do I enjoy the song? How funny is it? And, if it is a parody, how well is it doing with the parodying? Because one of the things I love about Al is that, as well as homaging different styles of music or plots of films, he often peppers his songs with lyrics that reference so much stuff. It’s a delight unpacking them from a comedic standpoint. Sometimes it’s not even a reference, sometimes it’s just hilarious wordplay. So that’s all factored into my complex algorithm. And this is the result!

The Saga Begins (1999): whilst I was broadly familiar with his work, this is song that really made me a fan. I remember it being a news story on the Empire website, and trying to watch it on my flaky dial-up at the time – probably the first music video I ever watched online. And I still think it’s just hilarious. I think the funniest thing is that, unlike some other songs, it’s not really parodying Star Wars; it’s actually a fairly straight retelling of the events of The Phantom Menace, just sung to the tune of American Pie. But the lyrics are golden; “My, my, this here Anakin guy/Maybe Vader someday later now he’s just a small fry”. It’s so perfect that it’s not only damn funny, not only a beautiful love letter to Star Wars, but also it just works as a song. I’ve sung it so much I know all the words and it was actually a bedtime lullaby I sang to my kids. And however much I love some of his other songs, I can’t say that about The Night Santa Went Crazy.

Dare to Be Stupid (1985): is it possible that I love this one so much because it was the first Al song I heard? That it is, in fact, featured on the soundtrack to The Transformers: The Movie? Almost certainly yes, but I don’t care. I am not, in truth, very familiar with Devo, so the intricacies of its parody are mostly lost on me; I get that he’s doing a bit on their songs and the video is referencing them too, but for me it’s just a really catchy song full of terrific, hilarious lyrical gags and references. And it’s played when Hot Rod and Wreck-Gar are dancing on the planet of Junk.

Don’t Download This Song (2006): rather than lampooning a specific song, this is a satire on a genre, perfectly parodying the pretensions of those Band Aid-style charity singles by earnest celebrities. As well as skewering the style so succinctly, it also has a tremendous target for the early noughties – the downloading of “free” music from file-sharing sites. Whilst incredibly of its time, it’s full of on-point references, including Lars Ulrich’s famed disdain of downloaded music, as well as mocking celebrity excess. This is all incredibly hilarious for me as, after really getting into Al in 1999, it was finding more of his music via Napster when I was at university that really made me a huge fan of his back catalogue. And don’t worry – I’ve also bought it on CD, too.

Jurassic Park (1993): this song is probably unique in the annals of all parody songs by virtue of it being more sensible and making more sense than the song it’s a parody of. The genius realisation that “Jurassic Park” scans perfectly with “MacArthur Park” is just the start, as it runs through the events of the film in hilarious manner (“I admit it’s kinda eerie/But this proves my chaos theory”). Apparently the stop-motion video was approved by Spielberg himself! Nobody leaves a cake out in the rain, however.

White and Nerdy (2006): talk about your references, this is the motherlode; and, quite frankly, it speaks to me. A veritable spreadsheet full of nerdy ephemera, the hilarity obviously coming from the juxtaposition of edgy rap with, well, Al Yankovic, almost every geeky IP or pastime is namechecked: Star Trek, Wikipedia, D&D, bubble wrap… the exquisiteness of the lyrics and speed at which Al cycles through them means it requires multiple listens to catch all the gags. And it has perhaps my favourite of all his lyrics: “The only question I/Ever thought was hard/Was do I like Kirk/Or do I like Picard”.

Ode to a Superhero (2003): ah, now we’re back to the soft gentle ballads and another recounting of the events of a summer blockbuster. Somehow singing a song about Spider-Man to the tune of Piano Man is perfect; after all, both Peter Parker and Billy Joel are New York legends (one’s from Queens, the other’s from the Bronx). Like The Saga Begins, it’s funny not just because, well, singing about Spider-Man is funny, but also the specificity of the references; like Mary Jane preferring guys “who can kiss upside down in the rain” or Norman Osborn wearing a “dumb” mask but being “scarier without it on”.

It’s All About the Pentiums (1999): another fabulously fast-paced rap about something exquisitely geeky; except this time it’s honing in on millennium-era computing technology. It’s another example of playing spot-the-reference but one thing that I find increasingly delightful in this case is that it’s so fabulously outdated; references to Y2K, newsgroups, “a hundred gigabytes of RAM”, and even the very fact that it’s got “Pentium” in the name. I can’t help but feel that this one’s just gonna get funnier as it gets older.

Pretty Fly for a Rabbi (1999): again we see the comedy emerge from the collision between a fast-paced, hard-edged style of music (in this case, millennial American punk) and frankly ridiculous lyrics. It’s not just the silliness of something as benign as a rabbi being the focus of an edgy rock song; it’s also the incorporation of Yiddish and stereotypically Jewish turns of phrase into the lyrics. Partly responsible for my assumption that Yankovic himself was Jewish!

Amish Paradise (1996): an infamous Weird Al song in that, whereas usually the original songwriters are chuffed to have him parody them, this one actually pissed off Coolio (RIP). But it’s part of the genre of tough songs about silly shit, the gangsta rap ballad of inner-city life and crime transmogrified into the badassery of the Amish, raising barns and milking cows. Perhaps it’s a bit mean to the Amish, in retrospect; but “you know I’m a million times as humble as thou art” is still a cracking lyric.

Bedrock Anthem (1993): I don’t think I’ve really expressed enough just how on point his parodies are; how well he raps, how closely he mirrors the style of the homaged artists, even in videos. But this is exquisite; somehow Al even looks like a Red Hot Chilli Pepper. And it’s just bonkers; I mean, how on earth do you get The Flintstones from Under the Bridge? I’m guessing – and this is just a wild guess based on nowt – that it was doing the “Yabba-dabba-dabba-dabba-do now” to the chorus that spawned the rest of the song, but who really knows? And once again we have lyrics that give me such joy, especially the way he throws in – out of nowhere – references to Bedrock life, such as “got a baby elephant vacuum cleaner”. Joy!

Now whilst I am gutted I didn’t find room for Bob, Yoda, or Santa, I’m also a bit gutted that I never got round to one of his polkas. These are really impressive works, how he manages to translate such a wide variety of songs into a polka style, and then turn it into a big medley, bouncing from track to track and even from genre to genre within the same song. Seriously, the man’s a musical genius. Maybe that’s why only Daniel Radcliffe could play him; he’s used to playing wizards.

32 notes - Posted November 12, 2022

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[fyreblood]

( kim minjeong/winter. female. she/her. ) presenting lady sang yire, 21 old firebender loyal to house sang. resourceful yet ingenuine, they find themself impartial to fire lord chaesan’s reign. will this be their salvation or their undoing ?

hello hello it’s eden here, presenting to you my first muse sang yi-re ( saet-byeol’s intro is to come… and yes i brought two of my aespa girlies and i would bring them all if i could 🫠 ). yire is the youngest of the house of sang, growing up incredibly well-protected much to her chagrin and as a result she’s bit of a fireball. restless, stubborn and intrepid, its safe to say yire was not made out for the court life as much as she’s been forced to appear (though she does make quite an act of it) and as such, you’ll find her attempts to break the boundaries from within quite… disruptive ? chaotic ? amusing ?

give this post a like if you’d be interested in plotting with yire and i’ll reach out to you, otherwise feel free to just dm me first ! her intro page will be up soon but for now, you’ll find some more info on her below the cut.

𝐒𝐀𝐍𝐆 𝐘𝐈𝐑𝐄 ( 상이레 ) ; 𝐂𝐎𝐄𝐔𝐑 𝐃𝐄 𝐅𝐄𝐔

sang yire is the youngest member of the noble house sang, the house which is known for producing the minister of foreign affairs — a role so drab that yire would rather fall off the face of the earth than ever take over.

that is possibly the only aspect she actually likes about being the baby of her family because otherwise, she has always been treated as that; a baby. she’s been protected and sheltered from anything remotely dangerous or adventurous by both her parents and then ultimately her older siblings once they found out her extreme lack of self-preservation and how prone she is to dropping face-first into bad situations

she’s been trained to act the role of a perfect noble lady, but in reality, the poise and mannerisms she’s been forced to practice are merely a facade to hide her true aspirations;

from her youth, her dreams had been to travel far and wide but also to be able to fight, something her pacifist and diplomatic family never truly understood.

as she’s grown, she’s found an affinity in mastering weaponry and martial arts, as, though she’s a fire-bender, her abilities aren’t that strong. her favourites are close combat fighting without weapons but she also loves the thrill of wielding a sword or a bow and arrow — though her mother had made it very clear early on that there would be no letting her join the royal guard or the yuyan archers 😢

essentially now, our beloved girl of chaos is relegated to only two plausible options (at least for her) — become a travelling storyteller... or a pirate

she’s far too restless for life in the fire nation and it’s led her to a lacks of sense for what is dangerous and what isn’t. yire has become very prone to getting embroiled in bad situations but her resourcefulness is her greatest strength (some would call it ingenious, others would call her crazy...) and she’s always able to get herself out of it, if someone else doesn’t come scrambling to save her first (*ahem* please give her some overprotective over siblings, i beg.)

her other prominent quality would be that she may or may not be a pathological liar, whether its accidental or not. yire is never truly genuine with what she says because she believes everything too mundane, thus her compulsion to fabricate something elaborate from something small can get sort of infuriating and has more than once caused a bit of trouble (but she doesn’t have harmful intentions!)

she’s recently feeling stifled in her role as a noble lady and has since been going out of her way with attempts to escape; by faking a kidnapping, her own assassination (though that one didn’t go down very well with her family after what happened to her brother two years ago o.o) and simply just running away, though her plots been foiled time and time again not because she’s bad at escaping but only because she never planned far enough ahead

as to what she’s doing in present-day, yire is currently biding time until her next attempt of something that will give her more freedom but in the meanwhile she’s trying to repair the slight damage to her reputation and her family dynamic after her blind-sighted ‘assassination’ stint

you can find yire almost everywhere in the fire nation; falling out of trees, duelling with children in the streets (wooden swords only!!), prancing around dangerously at the hing wa harbor at night or even dealing cards in one of those shady—and probably illegal—gambling halls and as long as she’s here, she’s at least attempting to dabble in some sort of occupation to see if anything is enough to make her stay — being a circus trainer, magician, personal assistant and a running messenger to name just a few (all with lady-like grace of course otherwise her mother would throw a fit)

[gladerwolfstarkimagines]

Not just a soft princess  - Azula x female reader imagine: Part Five

After your holiday things with Azula couldn’t be better then the firelord makes a discovery that puts both your lives at risk.

Part one here

Part two here

Part three here

Part four here

Part six here

Your POV

Your holiday had initially filled you with dread but when you were forced to leave the Ember Islands you were very sad. It had turned into one of the best experiences of your life. You felt like you were walking on air, just looking at Azula made you smile and feel fuzzy. Her blush every time you made eye contact told you she felt similarly.

Even when you returned to the fire nation that didn't go away precisely because Azula was there. She was beside you and that made you happy. 

Azula had evidently listened to your concerns too. She’s paid attention to your comment about treating other people poorly and you noticed her behaviour changing. She didn’t start braiding daisy chains for her workers but she did treat them properly. She thanked the guards who escorted you to training, she nodded to maids as they opened the doors for her, said please before asking for certain weapons and didn’t yell if they made mistakes. You smiled noticing how the servants stared when she said something resembling a compliment and felt your feelings for her grow more. She was really trying to address the concerns you had and you liked her even more for that.

Azula also meant to keep her promise about finding more moments alone. You of course had you sparring sessions but they were too exposed and public for either of you to openly express your feelings. So Azula put her sneaky calculating talents to good use and came up with many excuses to get you alone in private locations. The first week it had been an airship inspection, followed by a crucial mission to find earth nation clothes the next week. This week it was the excuse of extra tutor sessions. Azula claimed with the upcoming eclipse she needed to speed up your education and so evening sessions were now a part of your life. Not much learning went on in them of course and that was why they were your favourite part of your day.

On time for one of said sessions your guards stopped outside Azula’s door and knocked. Azula’s maid opened the door and bowed “princess”. “Let her in” Azula called and the woman moved out of the way. “Thank you, you may leave” Azula told your guards “we do not know how long we will be studying, we have a lot to get through tonight”. You managed not to smirk as Azula said that and the guards filled out. “Princess shall I fetch the food?” the maid asked and Azula nodded her head. “Food?” you asked and Azula blushed “we need sustenance for studying so I arranged with the kitchen to have a meal prepared”. The maid returned soon afterwards and she opened up a tray to reveal your favourite earth kingdom food. “These are cabbage noodles and those are wagashi pastries for dessert!” you cried spotting the foods of your nation “but how did you...?”. “Honuh has spent some time in the fire nation colonies in the earth kingdom and so she knew some recipes” Azula explained. You paused before realising the name of Azula’s maid’s was Honuh, fire nation nobility and especially royals never called servants or maids by their first names. That was reserved for people they respected or maybe a high ranking guard but never a server. You smiled at Azula’s gesture and Honuh herself seemed stunned. She stared at Azula before lowering her head. “That was very kind thank you both” you smiled and Honuh blushed “it was my pleasure princess, would you like me to leave now princess?” she asked turning back to Azula who nodded. “Yes and thank you for all your work it has been greatly appreciated”. The maid stuttered in shock and seemed unsure if she should bow and leave or thank Azula again. Azula simply smiled “you are dismissed Honuh” she said gently and the maid flushed “thank you princess, good night” and she bowed deeply before leaving. 

Azula closed the door behind her and you looked from the table Azula had set up, candles and all, to her behaviour recently and followed her. The second she turned around you ambushed her kissing her and Azula kissed you back just as fiercely. When you separated Azula gasped for breath "What was that for?" she asked and you smirked. "I’ve just noticed everything you’ve been doing lately and I wanted to show my appreciation". Azula looked down "well I told you I didn’t want to upset you didn’t I?". "You did" you nodded and Azula nodded “and so if being polite and respectful to the staff is important to you then it’s important to me too”. You smiled and stared at Azula intensely “it is and you are as well”. Azula blushed even more and looked away “we should eat...the food will get cold otherwise”. “Sure if that’s what you want to do right now when we’re all alone....then sure”. Azula’s eyes flicked up to yours and you laughed as she grabbed hold of you “the food can wait”. 

It turned out the food tasted good even cold. You brought the food to Azula’s bed and ate it from the comfy silk sheets still wrapped together. “You know I usually hate any other nation’s cuisine but this tastes nice”. You rolled your eyes “why am I not surprised that you’re a fussy eater?”. “I’m not fussy! I just know what I want”. ”Um hmm” you nodded “that’s it you’re not fussy at all” you smirked sarcastically and Azula laughed. “I’m not! Take it back”. “Never” you smiled and Azula fixed you with a determined look. “Take it back” Azula cried launching herself at you and you shrieked “Azula you’re spilling food!”. “I don’t care take back your slander” she cried as she struggled to keep a hold of your arms. You eventually gave up fighting and let Azula pin you down both of you panting and laughing. “Fine, you win okay? I take it back of course you’re not a fussy eater”. Azula smiled smugly “thank you for admitting you were wrong”. “For you anything” you smiled and Azula blushed. “Shut up” she said smiling and leant down to kiss you. You smiled “stop talking about how great you are? You know you love it”. “I do” she admitted and kissed you harder making you smile against her. 

You were both so wrapped up in the moment you didn’t hear the soft knock or the door opening. You heard something smash and you stopped. You both slowly looked towards the door and saw Honuh stood there gaping. Azula must not have locked the door properly and the maid Honuh had gotten in and caught you together in a very compromising position. Neither of you moved not wanting to startle her but it didn’t matter, Honuh shrieked and ran from the room. “No” Azula yelled springing up before realising she was very very undressed. Azula grabbed a robe and you grabbed your clothes. “Azula what if she...”. “I’ll catch her and stop her” Azula told you “just stay here i’’ll be right back!” she cried rushing to the door but it opened as she got there. Ozai appeared and he had the crying maid in a tight painful grip. He scanned the room from the bed to the state of you and Azula and his eyes narrowed “I heard a cry and found this woman blabbering about the princesses doing unspeakable things....” he said coldly “I never thought she would be telling the truth”. “Father I....we can explain!”. “Silence” Ozai yelled his calm composure gone. “Guards” he yelled and fire nation guards appeared. “Take the earth princess and lock her in her room until I say not to, make sure the dai li are allowed nowhere near her and don’t let anyone in, understand?”. The guards nodded and looked to you but you didn’t move. “What...what will you do to her?” you asked not wanting to leave Azula alone with him. “That is of no concern to you” Ozai spat “that is between my daughter and me, leave now”. When you didn’t move Ozai yelled “go” but you still wouldn’t move. “Y/n it’s okay go” Azula said softly and Ozai glared “did I say you could speak?”. Azula lowered her head and you glared. “If she will not go then there is only one thing to do, grab her”. 

You were dragged kicking and screaming from the room by the guards. Azula tried to tell you to stop but Ozai started yelling at her and that made you even angrier which made the whole situation even worse. It only stopped when the guards managed to get you out of the room and down into your own. They threw you inside and locked the door behind you. You kicked and attacked the door but it was too strong to break down. You cursed the palace for being made of anything but earth and sat down utterly helpless in the centre of your room.

You didn’t hear anything all night. You’d tried listening for noise outside your door but nothing. The day was the same, one meal was thrown in but other than that nothing. So by the time the night came you were restless and terrified. The weather was cold and stormy and appeared to be just as miserable as you felt. You stared out of your window looking for a sign, a hint, anything that would tell you what Ozai was doing. You were exhausted but there was no way you could sleep or eat, you had to be ready for whenever Ozai came for you but it was Azula who appeared first. 

You’d fallen into an uneasy fitful sleep in an awkward position by the window and were awoken by a tapping noise. You jumped in surprise to see Azula’s face on the other side but quickly overcame your shock. You rushed to open the window and she fell inside. She was freezing from the rain and cold but you weren’t sure if that was why she was shaking. You wrapped a blanket around her and pulled her to the fire “i’m so happy to see you I haven’t heard anything this whole time! I worried that he’d....how bad is it?”. Azula shivered despite the blanket and you knew it was bad when she wouldn’t answer you “Azula?”. “It’s not good y/n” she sniffed “I can’t stay long in case my father finds us if he does....I managed to talk him down from the punishment he had planned and he’ll hold up his promise not to harm us as long as we both comply with his demands”. You froze “which are?”. “Straight after the eclipse I will be married off to some nobleman and removed from the palace, you will marry Zuko and stay here. We won’t ever see each other again but we’ll live”. “What no” you said confused “that’s ridiculous, how can he expect us to...”. “He can demand anything of us y/n! He can have us killed for what we did, homosexuality was made illegal when my grandfather firelord Sozin decided it went against fire nation ideals” she sighed “this is the best case scenario y/n! Do you think I’d agree to this if it wasn’t”? she cried her voice breaking. Azula looked away from you and wrapped the blanket around herself tighter. A tear slipped down her cheek and you realised with a startling realisation that she was utterly terrified. Azula, the girl who was so headstrong and confident she’d conquered the greatest city in the earth empire, had been broken. Her father had finally made her snap and it made you want to scream in anger and sadness seeing her like this. You couldn’t believe she had no fight in her but the longer you watched her the more certain it seemed. You saw the way she held her arm close to her body protectively and wondered what Ozai had done to her. Her face was swelled slightly and you felt anger rage inside you as the realisation of what Ozai had done to his daughter flooded into you. “Azula your cheek and arm...you’re in pain” you said reaching to touch her and she pulled away “it’s fine I...shouldn’t have argued”. “Azula you didn’t do anything wrong I....” Azula started to cry and you lost your train of thought. You grabbed Azula and bundled her into you and she obligingly clung to you. “I’m sorry y/n” she sniffed “I tried I really did but this is the best I could achieve”. You shook your head “you have nothing to be sorry for and this is not over, I won’t let him take you”. Azula looked up at you “what do you mean...y/n we can’t do anything he’s the firelord”. “And what are we nobodies? You are the strongest firebending prodigy in decades and I was trained by assassins since I was 7, your father doesn’t stand a chance”.

You’d hoped that would awaken some fight in Azula but it only seemed to make her angry. Azula wrenched herself out of your arms and grabbed yours tightly forcing you to look at her. “What is wrong with you?” Azula asked “you’re talking like a fool”. “No I’m not, we can do this Azula, we don’t have to do as he says”. “Why won’t you listen?” Azula cried “He is the firelord y/n! He can kill us legally and everyone will support him. This foolish notion of fighting, of refusing his decision will get us both killed. Do you understand that?”. “Yes but it doesn’t change my mind” you said and Azula groaned in frustration “then why can’t you just let it go? Why can’t you just let us go?”. “Because i love you!” you cried and Azula paused “you...you what?”. “I’m in love with you” you said laughing at how good it felt to say “I’ve never felt this way about anyone and I know I won’t about anyone else and so I don’t care what Ozai tries, I won’t let him take you away from me, I refuse to let him hurt you ever again”. Azula relaxed her grip on your tunic and looked down in thought. You figured it’d be really awkward if she just rejected you and as she turned away you wondered if that was happening. “Azula?”. She didn’t reply her back fully facing you. “Okay now you’re worrying me please just say anything”. The silence stretched on and when Azula did speak it made you jump. “If we’re to stay together then we have to escape” Azula said suddenly spinning around “with the eclipse coming up the timing will be perfect there will be so much chaos we can slip away unnoticed, of course we’ll need help but i’m sure your dai li won’t mind that...Mai and Ty lee will aid us too of course, we’ll need an airship but I can get one of those easily now all we have to do is plan it”. “Plan what?” you asked and Azula focused on you “our running away together”. Azula smiled and you felt yourself sag with relief “so I...I didn’t totally humiliate myself by telling you I love you?”. Azula shook her head blushing “no you actually just made me remember who I was and why I deserve better, you made me want to fight because I love you too”. You grinned and kissed Azula swiftly. Azula smiled and let you take the lead simply following your energy and excitement. When you finally separated you were only confused by one detail “but where are we running away to?”. Azula smiled “that’s the great thing about us both being princesses...if my city isn’t safe anymore we can just reclaim yours, we’re taking back Ba Sing Sei”.

_____

Next parts the last one!!! 

[chemicalpink]

대취타 (daechwita) | Emperor!Yoongi x Reader | Part ONE

Pairing: Emperor!Yoongi x Assassin!Reader

Words: 2.7k

Genre: Emperor AU, Historical AU (kinda), very badly written SMUT at the end, power play, angsty

Warnings: there is mention of death, killing, smut in public place, some traditional korean things may be wrong, mentions of slavery.

A/N: No thoughts, just Agust D.

Summary: You used to be an assassin, got caught and works at the palace as a servant up until you are escorted to the main palace, either to meet your inevitable destiny or for a change of plans.

OR

The one where Min Yoongi is an Emperor and is cocky and kinda of an asshole but you both get naughty nevertheless.

PART 1 | PART 2 | PART 3 | PART 4

After somewhere near to twelve months being forced to work at the Gyeongbok Palace, you have somewhat become accustomed to having both hands and feet chained while moving around the place with a sword always on the back of your head, ready to chop it off were you to do any funny business. It was no secret that there were hundreds of enslaved servants at Gyeongbok Palace that were once top tier criminals, and whilst most of them received a similar treatment, you used to come and go from your assigned place of work with half a dozen more guards than the rest. Just as you would expect it to be, seen as you were Korea’s most famous mercenary. That day, however, the sight of a hooded man completely dressed in black caught you by surprise. That was definitely new.

Your usual companion, a young royal guard named Jungkook, held your arm forcefully while he guided you through the sumptuous building where most public officials and gwageos of Korea made their home while on service. You both made your way through corridors,  sets of stairs and turned right more times than you deemed necessary just so you’d have the lesser chance of finding an exit out of wherever the man was taking you.

At least, that is what Jungkook pretended by doing so, but you were able o pick up his intentions and noticed how you had been up and down the same stairs in a matter of minutes. You also noticed how the dark-haired man was forcing you to zig-zag through different levels, even though Gyeongbok had the plainest structure inside it, just a few sets of stairs on the front and tons of long corridors inside. Truth be told, you would have been insulted if Jungkook weren’t to be that precautious. 

You both headed down a particularly long corridor where not the slightest sound could be heard except the echo of your own footsteps. Jungkook turned your way and stared, you smiled at him. He looked back to the front and grabbed your arm with more strength than before.

You took the gesture as a compliment, even though you had no idea what was the reason behind such a mystery, or why that hooded man dressed in black had exchanged a few words with the head guard before Jungkook had grabbed your arm and taken you away from your workplace by the river. After a whole day of washing who-knows-who clothes, seeing him planted there beside the other six guards you were assigned wasn’t exactly how you pictured your day to end like.

Nevertheless, you were quick to make out the exact words that were exchanged when Jungkook made himself known to the man guarding the main palace’s entrance, Jung Hoseok, captain of the royal guard. Soon enough, the sky above seemed to have darkened a thousand shades, the mountains that could be seen from the front yard seemed to have enlarged and you could have sworn that the earth had trembled under you. It had been a while since you had left yourself feel fear inside you.

You turned to look at the new hand holding your arm. The black leather from his glove, a perfect match to the rest of his attire.

You both made your way down yet another corridor and you managed to entertain yourself looking at the elegant forged sword that he carried. The gleaming pommel was shaped like an eagle in mid-flight. Realizing that you were looking at the weapon, Hoseok rested his gloved hand on the golden head of the bird. 

You had stopped for a second to consider whether you would be able to take to your advantage the lack of security and just shoot your shot at freedom, go berserk and use the captain’s weapon against himself, just like that old man that used to be in charge of you had chosen the worst day to push you roughly and ended up in a ditch. But there was far too much echo in the corridors to attack him without alerting the whole place .

Sometimes you wondered if it wouldn’t have been better to die the night you were betrayed and captured. However, while walking down endless corridors, there were already far better questions to ask yourself. Had they finally decided to behead you? It was a favourite of the emperor’s after all. Your stomach churned. After all, you were deemed relevant enough to be executed by the very own royal guard captain. But, if they were to kill you, why bother the tour around Gyeongbok’s corridors?

You finally came to a halt before some glass doors in red and gold, so thick that it was useless to try and see what was on the other side. Captain Jung Hoseok bowed lightly with his head to the other two guards that flanked the entry and they hit the ground with their spears in salute.

The captain once again grabbed you by the arm with such force you were sure he had let a bruise. He pulled you towards him, but your feet were unable to move.

“Would you prefer to remain enslaved, then?” he asked in a mocking tone

“Maybe if you’d tell me what is all of this for, I wouldn’t be so opposed to it”

“Don’t worry, it won’t be long until you find out for yourself” 

Your palms were most definitely sweating. Yes, you were about to die. It was finally time to.

The doors opened with a crushing sound and before your eyes appeared a throne room.

“Here” groaned the captain as he pushed you forward with his free hand.

Being freed from the chains that held your feet together, you tripped over yourself and your bare feet slipped on the smooth floor when you tried to pick yourself up. You turned your head back around and saw six more guards that ported the royal seal on their garments make their way inside.

Fourteen guards plus Captain Jung Hoseok.They were part of the royal family's personal guard: ruthless and lightning-fast soldiers, trained from childhood to protect the emperor with their own lives. You barely managed no to choke on your own spit. Groggy and bewildered you turned your gaze to the front. Sitting on an ornate wooden and jade throne, a handsome young man awaited. Your heart stopped when you all bowed to him. You were before the very emperor of Korea, Min Yoongi. 

Both your eyes and the emperor’s crossed paths.

Min Yoongi offered her a smirk. One that hid a twisted intention behind it but reeked of royal charisma at the same time. Sprawled on the throne, his chin was propped up in one hand and his almost white-blond hair gleamed in the dim light. He wore a black hanbok on which the royal seal embroidered in gold tones occupied almost the entire bib.

Something in his eyes, and the way they contrasted with his almost white hair, took you apart. He was painfully handsome and should be less than thirty years old.

Emperors are not supposed to be attractive. They are whiny, stupid and disgusting creatures! But he ... he ... how unfair of him to belong to royalty and be handsome at the same time.

Min Yoongi stared at your tensed body and then raised well-groomed eyebrows “I wasn’t expecting you to be so young” he supported his elbows on his thighs “i’ve heard some fascinating stores about you, How’s life now after being used to all the excess you granted yourself before?”

Cocky son of a bitch.

“I couldn’t be happier” you hummed while digging your broken nails into your palms.

“After almost a year here, it kinda seems like you are somewhat alive, how have you been able to achieve it, when life expectancy around here for slaves is barely that of a month?”

“It’s still a mystery, I have no doubt about it” You gave the emperor a seductive look and repositioned the handles as if they were lace gloves.

The emperor turned to his captain

“Such a naughty mouth she’s got, huh? And she doesn't speak like a member of the mob”

“One would hope so” you exclaimed

“Your highness” snapped Hoseok

“Huh?” 

“You must address him as ‘your highness’”

You gave him a mocking smile and then returned your attention to the emperor.

To your surprise, Min Yoongi laughed.

“You are aware that you are a slave, aren’t you? Haven’t you learnt anything from this time you’ve been serving?” he started walking towards you until he was so close that you could easily appreciate the exquisite embroidery of his hanbok and smell the aroma that he gave off, not perfume, but woody and fresh nonetheless. Yoongi smiled.

“I demand to know-” you started but Hoseok pulled you with brutal force before you could come any nearer to the emperor “I wasn’t trying to kill him, you fool!”

“I would watch my words if I were you,” Hoseok said while burning his eyes on her

“i honestly don’t think you would dare”

“Oh yeah, and why is that?” 

Yoongi strode back to the throne and sat down. His gaze shone more than ever.

You looked from one to the other and made yourself stand taller.

“Because you want something from me. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have brought me all the way here. I’m not stupid, you know? It is obvious that you are here in fulfilment some type of secret mission. You are testing me to find out if I am in good physical and mental condition. I know that I am not crazy and that I am still in possession of my physical faculties. So I demand that you tell me why you have brought me here and what it is that you need from me if my destiny is not to be beheaded.”

Both men exchanged a look. Yoongi joined the fingertips of both of his hands. “I have a proposition for you”

 “I’m all ears then” 

The emperor's eyes sparkled with amusement at your insolence, but they lingered for a moment too long on your body.

Min Yoongi crossed one leg over the other.

“Leave us alone” he ordered the guards “Hoseok, stay where you are”

You turned to the emperor “So?”

Yoongi limited himself to once again sprawl on his throne “I need some help with the empire. Someone that help me solve the...more complicated cases”

“So what you need is a servant that does the dirty work for you”

“In short, yes”

“So what happens if I agree?”

“After six years of service you will be granted your freedom”

“Six!”

“Five”

Although the emperor tried to hide it, you noticed that he was tense. He wanted you to accept. He needed you to accept so desperately that he was willing to negotiate. Your eyes sparkled.

“Make it four”

“Fine” he replied “It is a deal then. But if you fail, you will be beheaded” 

“My habilities are perfectly fine. Thank you very much”

Yoongi made a gesture with his hand to Hoseok “Take her to her chamber so she can take a bath” he stared at her “You have your first work in the morning. Do not let me down, Y/N”

Every work after the first seemed almost the same, after some official research, you were sent a brief coded message to your room that contained all the information that was needed for the job, the name of the culprit plus the usual places they used to hang out.

A few seconds worth of work were all piling up to your ultimate freedom.

Even thought you were the sword behind all of those crossed out names in the Emperor’s list, you were quick to find out that Min Yoongi was by far, more entertained and playful about the blood that stained his hands than you ever were.

It was a usual day after work that you found yourself enjoying the occasional luxury of the outdoors bathhouse that Min Yoongi’s personal Harem had to offer, minus the presence of the concubines that usually strolled around the palace, the moon shining on top of your head as the steam from the hot water raised highly from the temperature shock.

“I never took you for one to enjoy the luxuries that the concubine life has to offer, Y/N” you couldn’t exactly say you were surprised to see him standing behind you, the whole place was his after all “Should have made it cleared that this place is exclusively for me and my girls to have fun in”

“Yeah? I don’t see anyone else here though” you continued your bath routine but poked open an eye to tease him, just the way you had become accustomed to do so for the past year or so, left hand covering your boobs as you turned to him “Got stood up, again?” 

“Don’t you just love to play with fire, Y/N” though you had already turned your back to him and were convinced on carrying on with your bath, the sudden apparition of two hands holding your hips in place along with the wet kisses that were being left on your right shoulder made you think twice “I think it is time for you to get burn”

His right hand easily found its way down the water and started playing with your folds, your wetness getting mixed with the hot water you both were in, his mouth never ceasing to scrape every inch of skin he could find, his temperature rising by the second and his rock hard cock against your ass.

Your knees buckled unconsciously as two of his fingers were inserted into you and started pumping rapidly and you could feel him smirk on your back.

Your hand was quick to found his cock and pump it a few times a little too roughly “You know” you murmured as you turned to face him, making his hand drop from inside you as you watched his face contorted in pleasure “I don’t think it is fair of you, your highness” you could feel his thighs tensing as you kept on pumping him “to jump on a girl like that” you got close to his ear, grasping it between your teeth “I thought you said I was gonna get burned, what happened then?”

Something snapped inside him that made him slam you to the side of the pool while taking both your hands inside one of his own, having you bent over, his cock grazing your exposed pussy underwater. From behind you, Yoongi slowly teased you. You both moaned loudly, not caring if any guard that may have been in a nocturnal shift might hear you. 

Yoongi chuckled, knowing him, probably about to make a witty remark but you clenched your walls around him “F-fuck,” He moaned, his eyes squeezed tight, “You feel so good around my cock, so wet.”

There was no use denying that you felt so satisfied as Yoongi’s hips pressed into you, his cock buried deep inside you. Something you were trying so hard to conceal of not having dreamt about it before in the past year or so, pretend not have touched yourself to the thought of the Emperor wrecking you the way he did to his official concubines.

Yoongi’s cock twitched inside you. You felt your orgasm building within you, burning brightly. You threw yourself back, trying to prolong the sensation, rolling your hips.

“I don’t think I’ll last much longer” Yoongi said behind you and you shook your hips teasingly, while turning your head with a coy smile “argh you’re such a bitch” He moaned loudly once again “But two can play that game”

The hand he had rested on your hips to keep his pace was soon to find your clit, pinching it, rolling it and driving you to the edge until it suddenly stopped, followed by the heat that erupted from within you when Yoongi cummed inside you, his hand releasing yours from his hold and slapping your ass as he laughed “Such a good girl but I have an early morning tomorrow” 

“Min Yoongi, you son of a-” 

“Later, Y/N!” he said, grinning widely as he exited the bathhouse. 

[lunarianillusion]

a change in fate

a maribat fanfic

Chapter 03

Timothy really wanted to know who thought it was a good idea to put Guy Gardner on monitor duty, because this was clearly not a prank.

Let’s backtrack a bit, the young alpha had gone out after having put all his stuff at his new loft, to go and gather information. He had done some research beforehand on the internet but the blog that had started out decently had turned into nothing but a gossip site. He had not been as thorough as he normally was since he was still a bit skeptical of the situation. He also needed to get a coffee machine.

He had just walked through a few blocks when a loud explosion penetrated the air and made his ears ring like a train conductor was whistling directly into his ears. It took a minute to stop but that did not stop him from scouting the surroundings for the source of the explosion.

He found it in the form of a horrendously colour coordinated person with a large neon orange helmet on top of a circle form glider a few streets away. An akuma. It was real.

He pulled up his hood before slipping into the shadows, like he was trained to and pulled out his hidden utility belt. The Bat pack ways will not be leaving him anytime soon. He then quickly took to the rooftops, applying a scent blocker and ear plugs along the way, towards the danger zone.

Upon arriving on the danger zone another explosion rung loudly through the air making Tim very grateful for the special function earplugs he put in. He took to perch on one of the higher rooftops to observe the situation. By the looks of it the two Parisian heroes had already arrived, but he was not impressed by what he saw. Rather disappointed if not disgusted.

First the akuma; The male threw golden balls, that he got from a metal backpack, that exploded upon impact. Though the explosions them self were small and would only leave any physical damage if they exploded a foot away from you. They had already destroyed some parts of the surrounding buildings though. The explosions were however very loud, as he found out himself and it would be a miracle if the bystanders weren’t deaf by the end of it.

Then came the heroes, if you could even call them that.

Chat Noir was acting like a spoiled child throwing a tantrum over not getting his favourite toy. He kept on trying to trip the new ladybug up while screaming and whining at her to tell were the real ladybug was. Or he was taunting the akuma, who in turn threw more bombs that the mangy cat dodged but then those bombs got dangerously close to the civilians that were still in the area. Did he not realize that his actions could get people killed like that? Was this a game to him and did not like the rules of?

Then there was the new ladybug at first, she had his sympathies for chat trying to trip her up on every possible occasion. That changed when he saw how she subtly led the akuma to the bystanders, bringing them into danger, only to ‘save’ them at the last moment. Oh, how that made Timothy’s blood boil.

He made these observations within a few seconds and he quickly sprang from his perch and into the action. He was not going to let the innocent bystanders become unnecessarily injured by their ‘heroes’ reckless actions, if he could help it.

The moment he safely hit the ground he bolted to a small group of civilians, that were desperately clutching their ears. He placed his hand on the back of the smallest of the group and gaining the attention of the surrounding people. They looked at him with utterly confused and scared looks. Likely they were tourists given by their attire. He motioned for them to follow him, since they would not be able to hear him over the explosions and ringing, and swiftly guided them away from the danger.

Once he got them far enough from the danger zone, picking some more bystanders along the way, he motioned for them to book it out of dodge. Then went to get any left behind stragglers out. There was only one left and the child had gone to hide behind some of the rubble. Looking around frantically and calling out for help as tears run down their cheeks.

He began to run towards the young pup, only to watch in horror as one of the bombs exploded at the base of the rubble. The bomb having been intended for Chat noir who had dodged to the side without a care and allowed the rubble to crush the scared pup underneath. The terrified look would be haunting Tim’s nightmares to come, as blood pooled from underneath the rock. A small hand was sticking out as if desperately reaching out for safety.

Chat noir should be eternally grateful that hawkmoth is only capable of akumatizing one person at a time without aid. Otherwise they would have a super-powered ex-robin on his tail.

It was time to stop this madness. His secrecy might become compromised but so be it. Taking out his grappling gun he took to get a better vantage and knock the immediate danger of his glider. Then he had to destroy the backpack to keep the Akuma  from getting or making any more bombs. Grabbing several explosive birdarangs he took aim.

“IN COMING!!!”

A blue blur of a person slammed feet first into the akuma’s back. Knocking the akuma off their glider and crashing onto the ground, creating a spiderweb patterning on the ground. A loud crack rang through the air as the metal backpack shattered.

The person clad in blue rolled upon impact over the akuma and then flipped backward creating some distance between the two of them, then taking on a battle stance and giving Tim the chance to examine them.

The female was clad in a dark blue tunic and matching leggings with thigh high boots. Around her waist she wore a silver cloth belt and light blue faded skirt that was open in the front and had a peacock motif, given by the fuchsia eyes at the tips of the skirt. Her blue tipped hair was pulled into a messy braided ponytail with two feathers sticking out. Her weapon, a fan, was poised and ready to attack.

The akuma stands back up and lets out a fierce snarl but the unknown female was unfazed by it. She only narrowed her rose coloured eyes into an ice-cold glare, that sent shivers down the spines of all who were watching. The akuma sent their glider to attack the blue clad female, but she easily jumped over it and used their fan too slice through the glider itself. Then she sprinted to her target with great speed. He tried to defend themselves but with their atrocious combat abilities, blue easily throws them over her shoulder before slamming the bud of her fan onto the helmet splitting it in two. Final someone competent has shown up.

A sickly looking black butterfly flew out of the helmet and the peacock themed person turned to the new L.B.  “Ladybug! Purify it!” she commanded shocking said ‘hero’ into action. The spotted girl stumbled a bit and had to throw her yoyo out for a second time before being able to catch the butterfly and then letting it go, now as a healthy-looking white butterfly. She only then then summoned her lucky charm, a bow, and threw it into the air calling out to her power. The bow transformed into a large swarm of ladybugs that went around restoring the wreckage back to its original state and brought back those that lost their life. Like in the videos from the tabloid blog.

Seeing the young child, that had just been crushed, alive and look around absolutely confused brought the Gothamite a certain feeling of wonder and overwhelming dread. Because if these heroes could reverse death how many had already died.

A strange black and purple goop surrounded the akuma bringing the hidden alpha’s attention back to him and the blue clad female. Once the goop receded in the place of the akuma now sat a teenage boy with mousy hair and a pair of round glasses on their face and was looking around completely confused. The peacock theme hero sat infront of the boy and began to talk to him. She seemed to be comforting the boy, but Timothy was too far away to hear what she was saying.

As he saw Chat and LB advance on the two however, he decided it to be best to listen in and gain some first-hand information. He also had a prominent theory running through his head upon having observed unknown hero’s combative skills and actions and needed to see if he was correct.

As the akuma victim was taking away to a therapist, hopefully, the blue clad hero turned to the so-called heroes of Paris. Before she could get a word out however Chat Noir lunged at her with a yell to call out his own power. Luckily though the peafowl easily grabbed the cat boy’s wrist and redirected him into destroying a nearby café chair. Before hurling him to the ground and knocking the wind out of him, but not letting go of his wrist.

“Are you going to attack every person that is not ‘your’ ladybug and is trying to help,” she spoke in a voice that sounded so done with the world. Chat let out a hiss. “I am not going to fall for your lies Mayura,” the blond snapped.

“Do not ever align me with the likes of Mayura,” the bluenette hissed in return, voice filled with a cold malice that made the boy feel a shiver. “I do not expect you to trust me right now, but at least give me a chance to prove myself,” She spoke more calmly now as she helped Chat noir back on his feet, before taking a few steps back.

“How did you even acquire the peacock miraculous?” Ladybug asked skeptically, her eyes glaring into the other girl. Who did not seem to care.

“It was intrusted to me and I was told to use it for the good of Paris. Which I intend to do, no matter what. Paris is my home and Hawkmoth has been tormenting it for too long,” She spoke with conviction her own rose-coloured eyes alight with fire. “Now I belief I should introduce myself. You may call me Blue Royal” She said while placing here fan over her heart and bow her head ever so slightly.

The other heroes wanted to interrogate her more, but a beeping sound stopped  them. A timer. “A month trial period, for both of you, at the end we will meet on Saturday at midnight on the top of the Eifel tower. We will decide how to proceed afterwards,” Chat Noir stated. Gaining an affronted gasp from ladybug.

“Why am I being put on a trial period!” She exclaimed.

“Because you refuse to tell us any information about what happened and where the real Ladybug is! If she were here, we would have no need for you or this hero wannabe,” Chat Noir yelled back in frustration. Tim’s eye twitched in annoyance. ‘You did not do much to help the situation either.’ Timothy thought bitterly and the sentiment seemed to resonate with Royal, given by the way she glared at the two when they weren’t looking.

The two children wanted to argue some more but the beeping sound interrupted them once more. Good they might have turned into an akuma themselves if they continued. Just as the news crew, along with miss tabloid, entered the area the ladybug and cat ‘heroes’ left the scene. They immediately tried to swarm to Blue Royal, but to everyone slight surprise her skirt unfurled from her waist into two large wings. The wings beet down as she jumped into the air leaving gobsmacked reporters and curious Gothamite in her wake.

Though Timothy could have gone in pursue, he decided it best to lay contact at a later time. He got some information to process and work on.

He also really needed coffee.

taglist:

@moonlightstar64, @iloontjeboontje, @mickylikesstuff, @scribblinggraveyard, @faunrasthewinterelf, @myazael, @incredulous-reader

Authors note: special thank you to @moonlightstar64 for helping me with how to tag people. I hope you enjoyed the chapter and happy holidays.

[avatarskywalker78]

From the wip tag game, I'd be interested in hearing about your Witcher WIP and also the Randall and Hopkirk (Deceased) WIP.

My Witcher WIP is two years old and features an OC - Áine of Clan Tordarroch, a distant cousin to Eist who spends a lot of time since turning 18 on the mainland. Along the way she befriends Ksenia - a violinist - Jaskier, and Eskel (played by the original actor), and eventually ends up embroiled in the chaos consuming the continent. My current plan is for the story to be non-chronological at first - but that can easily change, and since I haven’t yet seen S2 I don’t know what I’ll keep and what I’ll boot from it. Here’s an extract from it, after Áine and her friends have just had to fight off bandits in Cintra:

“Our first meeting in years and it’s in the middle of a battle. I suppose it would be strange if you went somewhere without a fight breaking out.”

“Fuck off, Eist. If you had decent patrols in this country I wouldn’t have had to use my best weapon.” She snarked back, sheathing said weapon and turning to her kinsman. “You’re lucky we had fighters in this group.”

“Well, your fighting prowess was never in doubt.” He cast an eye over Ksenia and Jaskier as they approached, the bard sporting a gash on his arm but otherwise unharmed. “Interesting company you keep.”

“Friends, Eist. Jaskier’s a good man. A compete fucking idiot, but a good man. She frowned slightly. “I know he’s not Calanthe’s favourite person, Eist.”

“Áine, he has been here since the betrothal and she hasn’t protested before.”

“Forgive me if I don’t exactly trust your Queen’s moods even if you’re not fazed by it.”

There was tension in the air for a moment, but she couldn’t keep the grin from her face, and she tackled Eist in a hug.”

“Ah, it’s good to see you, cousin.”

“Good to see you too.” He hugged her back, laughing. “You fought like a true Skelligan.”

“Is that implying I haven’t before?” She teased as he drew away. Her friends had reached them, Kes looking faintly amused while Jaskier just looked bewildered. “Ah, my two companions.”

“Ksenia, your Majesty.” The violinst sketched a bow. Jaskier just stared.

“You know the King of Cintra?” A slight glint was in his eyes, one familiar to anyone who spent a lot of time with him. No doubt he would be composing songs by sunset.

My Randall and Hopkirk (Deceased) WIP is set in the original sixties series and features - surprise surprise - yet another OC, Sarah Jackson. An apparently ordinary woman who is hired by Jeff whilst Jeanie’s away on holiday - she thinks it’ll be just another job...except she has the ability to see ghosts and immediately meets Marty. Marty’s delighted to be able to speak to someone else and Jeff is glad to have someone who doesn’t think he’s talking to himself all the time, and she ends up becoming part of the team. I’ve only written a handful of scenes, but it’ll basically be an adventure story.

[starkeristheendgame]

Hi! Can i give you a prompt? If yes... what are your thoughts on starker with mob boss!peter? I don't remember reading anything like that... thank you!

We love MB!Peter in this house. This is, safe to say, an AU wherein Tony works for MB!Peter as his bodyguard and not-so-secret lover. On that note, if anyone has any MB!Peter recs or rec lists for Anon, please don’t hesitate to share them!

TW: Implied off-screen death of non-major person | Weapons references | Demeaning talk/Mild humiliation | BDSM references | Soft violence

The man that strode into the hall for an audience with Peter cast his gaze over the both of them assessingly, then fixed it on Tony.

That was Peter’s favourite part. How they all glossed over him so easily, how they took one look at the duo and immediately disregarded him.

Who wouldn’t? A rumpled little twink with cherry-bitten lips and a shirt half-open, sprawled between the thighs of an older man in a Giovanni suit with grey at his temples and a gun at his hip. The choice seemed obvious - The man who looked like he owned the term Mafia Don. It hadn’t been deliberate the first few times. Peter had pouted and laughed when they’d addressed Tony instead of him. Now, it was something of a test. Who was smart enough to look past face-value and ‘obvious choices’?

Not this man, clearly. He threw Tony a steep bow and a simpering smile, hands twitching between dangling limp at his sides and forming nervous fists. “Its an honour to be given your time," he began, licking his lips. Tony kept soundless and stoic, carding his fingers gently through the brown curls that tickled the inside of his palm.

“I... May I... Perhaps the matter may best be discussed without your... Companion,” he tried, placatingly lilting it like a question near the end, and Tony had the skim the edge of his tongue with his teeth so as not to smile. Between his legs, Peter’s head lifted like he’d been woken from a slumber.

Two long, slender fingers traced their way along his jaw, stroking the prickle of his stubble before they dipped between his lips, sliding over his teeth and pressing teasingly on his tongue before hooking down. Peter used it to pull him forwards, and he took the hint, rising so that Peter could sprawl in his rightful place, sucking his fingers clean of Tony’s drool with his pretty lips pursed.

“Are you scared of dogs, Mr. Ross?” Peter asked softly, cheek atop Tony’s knee. The man looked almost affronted at being spoken to by what he surely presumed was some cheap whore, but he shook his head, mouth tight.

“Neither am I,” Peter murmured, twisting in Tony’s space to crawl atop him like some sultry lap-cat, one hand reaching up to cup Tony’s jaw as he leaned over him, soft-honey eyes gazing into his own with unbearable tenderness.

“What is it folks say when they have their precious hounds attack? Sic ‘em?” Peter asked, faux-casual and sweet. Tony knew better, though, and turned swiftly on his heel, striding down the courtly dais towards the man. Fear had began to leech into the confusion etched on his face, and he scrambled backwards as Tony reached for him.

“Loyal things, dogs,” Peter mused, as Tony’s hands closed around the man’s throat, cutting off his alarmed cry. “Obedient,” Peter hummed, propping his cheek up on the backs of his knuckles as he watched. No sooner had Tony gotten a good grip, teeth bared on a snarl like his namesake, Peter called out an idle “Heel,” and Tony, as ever, obeyed.

“I don’t take kindly to being betrayed, Mr. Ross,” Peter announced as Tony knelt before the throne-like seat, head ducked in compliance. Peter’s slender fingers found their way into his hair, tugging the strands gently. “Thankfully the officer you ran squawking to was one of mine. Hence your appearance here today. But... I’m afraid, I must make an example of you, you see." He sounded pitying as he said it, rueful.

“Y-- You-- Mr. Parker, Sir. I can assure you I don’t-” The man stammered to defend himself, scrabbling for any scrap of a lie that might save his hide, but Peter had already raised his fingers to his lips, whistling a sharp, pert note. Tony did not need to look to follow the sound of the doors and footsteps, of Mr. Ross being dragged away to his fate. The next Tony would see of him would be assisting in disposing of whatever remained of him.

“Trust is worth more than any currency,” Peter murmured, looking down at him fondly as he carded his fingers through the raven locks in his grip. Tony raised his gaze, levelling Peter with he hoped conveyed you can trust me. Always.

“My sweet Hound. Loyaler and prettier than any beast I could find in a kennel,” Peter praised him, a twisted pull on his hair bringing a soft whine to the hollow of his throat. It made Peter smile, lips curved in a manner just for him. When Peter was feeling meaner it was Dog. A slobbering beast that served only for his entertainment. Tony didn’t mind; he’d mount Peter every night for the rest of his life no matter what term of endearment called him to his master.

“I will always be loyal to you,” he murmured, tipping his head into the hand that drifted down to cradle his cheek. The smile and head tilt Peter gave in response showed the boy knew that. Had always known that, from the moment he’d first wrapped his legs around Tony’s head.

It felt snug against his throat, a reassuring weight as Peter laughed and shifted on his seat, splaying his thighs to drag Tony between them by the claim against his skin. He tipped his head and willingly opened his mouth for Peter to lick into, kissing him senseless, searing hot and sloppy in the otherwise quiet room. By the time Peter licked across his teeth then withdrew, lips swollen and dark, Tony was light-headed and hard against the pressed slacks that hugged his thighs.

“What would I ever do without you, hm? My Hound,” Peter answered fondly, hand roaming from his jaw down to his chest, slipping inside the crisp suit to find the inner pocket near his breast, fingers closing around supple, dark leather to draw it out. The collar was ornate, a perfect blend of decorative metal and soft, black hide.

“You fuck better than any stud,” Peter assured him as he unbuttoned Tony’s shirt collar to make room, and slipped the leather around his throat.

Peter reached between them and groped him shamelessly, fingers curling around the rise of his cock as he kneaded gently, feeling its girth and hardness. Tony exhaled sharply into the space between them and rut forwards against his hand with a growl, one hand snaking up to twist in Peter’s brown curls, gripping tight. Peter’s lashes fluttered and he pressed his thumb against the tip of Tony’s cock through his trousers, one canine bared in a warm, smirked grin.

“Tell me what you want, Dog,” Peter breathed at him, and Tony’s body warmed with the demeaning name, huffing out a breath as he shifted, one hand in Peter’s hair and the other closing around his throat, with just enough pressure for the weight of his fingers to be felt in the hollow of that pretty, slender neck.

“I want to feel you sink down over my cock,” he growled at the boy-king, gaze dropping to his mouth, teeth bared on an exhale. Peter’s hand left his cock and came back to his collar, tugging him closer.

“Oh, my Hound. You want to rut against your bitch, hm? Want to breed your claim?” Peter teased him, and it was all Tony could do to give one curt, sharp nod.

The boy released him and flopped back into his seat, sprawled and splayed like a whore on a bed. He gestured to himself almost lazily.

“Go on then, Dog. Mount and breed."

[mamabearcat]

20 Questions- writing edition!

I'll play along @neutronstarchild 😘

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 48. Wow, that sounds like a lot. But quite a few of those are one-shots. And also, some are co-creations and writer/artist collaborations.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 388,794. Not too shabby. But no where near as many as some of the heavy hitters in the Inuyasha fandom. I bow down before you, fellow creators!

3. How many fandoms have you written for, and what are they? Currently I write for Fairytail and Inuyasha. But I started out writing for the X-Files fandom. Those stories were never released online though.

4. What are your Top Five Fics by Kudos? 1. Instinct with 468 kudos 2. Whispers with 387 3. The Ronin with 373 4. Into the Woods with 286 5. Sweet Summer Sweat with 284 That's actually surprising that Instinct is first - it only has a T rating. Usually it's all about the smut on AO3! 😂

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? I do my best to. I know I love it when an author responds to a comment of mine, even if it's just a little emoji to let me know they've seen and appreciated my comment. If a reader has put a lot of thought and effort into comment on my fic, I'll do my best to reply in kind.

6. What fic have you written with the angstiest ending? I don't think I've ever written an angsty ending. There may be angst sometimes in my stories, but it all comes good in the end. Because real life is crappy enough. Fanfiction is my escape and I don't use it to torture myself.

7. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending? Probably Finally Yours, my ending to the Into the Woods AU - a lovely family wedding followed by raunchy happy married sex. A happy ending with a 'happy ending'. 😂

8. Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the craziest one you’ve written? I have written one - still unfinished, because I wrote myself into a corner and still have to figure out how to get them home. Captured, where Kagome and Inuyasha are transported to Jareth's Labyrinth to entertain him. I still want to finish this one, even though I don't think it's that popular. Because it has two of my favourite OC's in it, Rory and Dog. And also because it was so much fun writing Jareth as he would be as a member of the Unseelie Court.

Also, I'm writing a version of Studio Ghibli's Mononoke Hime, called Mononoke, but it will eventually drift away from the movie storyline. That's a long term project because it's one of my favourite movies and I want to do it justice.

9. Have you ever received hate on a fic? Nope, never. Most people are very kind. The only kind of comments I've ever had that were a little annoying were from a reader that commented on every fic of mine asking for an update on one particular fic, and not very politely either.

10. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? I do. Sometimes silly, sometimes hot (I hope), always fully consenting. My smut is always an act of love and respect. A way to be closer to the other person.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not that I know of. Fingers crossed.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? Nope.

13. Have you ever co written a fic before? Kind of. There was a collaboration going for an Inuyasha Actor AU called Like Shards of the Shikon, but that was just a big mess of Inuyasha artists and writers riffing off each other on Tumblr, and I decided to make it an AO3 collaboration so it wouldn't disappear. I've also done a few writer/artist collaborations.

14. What’s your all time favorite ship? I do love Inuyasha and Kagome. But there are plenty of others I love, like Natsu and Lucy from Fairytail. Most of the ships I love are ones that are built on strong friendships first.

15. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will? I'm hopeful that I'll finish all my WIP's. I just have to stop starting new ones before the others are done.

16. What are your writing strengths? Hmm. That's tough. Description maybe? Dialogue? Emotions? I don't know, you guys tell me!

17. What are your writing weaknesses? Action. Physically moving characters around without it sounding boring to the reader. Especially fast paced action scenes. I do better if I concentrate on emotions rather than the physical movement of bodies I think.

18. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic? I have only done this when a character is bilingual. Otherwise it's just inferred that the language they are speaking is the right one. Unless it's the name of an object, like an item of clothing or a weapon - I will always try and use the correct word for it.

19. What was the first fandom you wrote for? Back when I was at university, a little show called the X-Files started. And after watching an episode, I thought 'what happened next?' A friend came in and read over my shoulder and asked if they could read it when it was finished. Once I got over my sputtering embarrassment, I let them.

20. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written? Oh dear. I can't choose a favourite child. But if I have to choose out of my completed fics... Hmmm. I will always have a soft spot for Into the Woods, because it's the first multichapter fic that I've ever completed. Whispers is up there too, because I think I got Inuyasha's characterisation down quite well in that one. But I think maybe my favourite one so far is The Ronin. Because I tried to push myself out of my comfort zone there, and it paid off.

Tagging: Everyone! Let's all get introspective together!

[youarejesting]

hey bb💜 I got another request for you: Mafia!Yoongles, SFW, prompt: Bonnie & Clyde

Yoongi: Bonnie & Clyde SFW

Beta: @jung-hoseok-s-airplane

Word count: 3k

Warnings: paranoia, thriller, drama, terror, but soft and fluffy, and angsty. Talk of guns and multiple fight scenes, protect Yoongles at all costs.

Yoongi wasn’t the boss of a Mafia, he wasn’t even high ranking within the gang. He was just an underlying member of the outer circle. Why? All because of a stupid loan. One small sum of money he borrowed for his Tuition that has left him forever in debt.

Now he spent his days working earnestly to pay everything back, however, every year they added a ridiculous amount of interest. They did it to keep him stuck in a rut.

While working and making the payments he was able to open his dream music shop, where he taught children how to play and read music on the weekends.

Seven years passed and he was finally ready to close his accounts; he had saved up his last few thousand and the undoubtedly large interest he knew he would have to pay. They would come up with excuses like ‘account keeping fees’ or ‘providing him with insurance’ which he knew it was all part of the scam.

He would go on whatever “Jobs” the boss asked of him. Whether it was drug trafficking or to rough up some people who owed the boss money.

You had seen it all, broken noses and busted lips, remembering the first day he came home beaten with a purple swollen eye. He had tried to cover the eye with his hair, but you notice the change in his demeanor instantly.

Yoongi wasn’t a pushover, he never whined and never asked for help and it took everything to convince him to allow you to provide first aid for him. He stood in the bathroom as you provided him with medicine and tried to ease this pain and discomfort.

At his worst, Yoongi had returned home with several broken ribs, fingers and a serious shoulder injury. He refused to go to the hospital and you did your best to patch him up. His shoulder however never healed the same causing permanent damage. His face often became pained as he played the piano pinpointing the exact moment when it would start to ache. Yet he never broke and never complained.

“Yoongi, where are you going?” You asked, pulling on your sneakers ready for your ‘spin class’ at least that’s what you called it and what you told Yoongi you were doing. Looking up after securing your laces you saw him in a suit, never a good sign.

There were few occasions Yoongi wore a suit, and he had a different suit for all occasions. He had his beautiful recital suit with coat tails and bow tie your favourite. He had his wedding suit his business casual suit and then this one. It was black on black reminiscent of a funeral but you knew it was because it was easier to hide blood stains.

He was going to Mister Bang, the leader of the Gang. The uncertainty kicked in. Would he return home, if he did would he be injured?

“I am paying out my debt today” He gestured to the duffle bag with a grin. “I even have interest on top of the interest amount just in case, I am ending this today.”

His voice was firm, it baffled you how he did it, how he managed to keep his faith all this time. Always positive that this day would come. Of course, you knew and supported his plans of leaving, but he was finally doing it.

You gave him a quick kiss on the cheek wishing him luck, but he pulled you back kissing you firmly and passionately. You could feel how tense he was, there was so much weight on his shoulders.

“If something happens to me today, I just want you to know”

“I don’t want to hear it, you can tell me when you get home, I will order your favourite”

His soft smile brought with it a soft twinkle in his eyes, he seemed to be burning your image into his brain. Sharing a kiss before heading out to the gym.

When you got there you were met by Jungkook, a trainer in self-defense. Jungkook trained you to box using some elements of taekwondo to keep you strong. Jimin on Fridays taught you a series of mixed martial art styles and kept you agile.

You had spent almost all four years of your marriage with Yoongi working with these men to always be safe. It was after that first day when he came home hurt. Knowing you had to learn to protect yourself, so they could never use you against him. Never knowing what might happen to you or Yoongi.

Arriving home after your training you saw Yoongi alone in the dark nursing a whiskey bottle in his hand. Every step closer made your eyes prickle with a sad and angry emotion.

His suit was ripped and parts of him were discoloured or stained from blood and bruising.

“Baby, what happened?” You asked grabbing his face noticing the way he winced. His voice was so small and his lip shook eyes misting up.

“He took my money, he said “thank you for paying back your debt, but the only way you get out is by death” Yoongi sniffed, the tears spilling from his eyes dripping onto your hands as they held his cheeks.

It felt as if your heart was breaking at his words, never in your marriage had he shed tears like this. Sure one or two tears at your wedding, but that was it he never cried otherwise and especially not in fear.

“I said firmly that I was leaving and they beat me, when they finally stopped Bang told me to go home and when I come back I would be promoted.”

He hugged you arms wrapping around your waist and he cried against you. His body shook with uncertainty, his strength leaving him as he leaned on you. They had broken him and you weren’t going to stand for it. Pulling the bottle from him, you had a mouthful the burn in your throat and stomach much needed for what you were contemplating. Gently kissing the unbruised area of his forehead, you stepped back. “Go pack some clothes.”

“What?” He looked confused and you wanted nothing more than to tell him everything would be okay. But it was not.

“Yoongi trust me okay” His watery eyes locked on yours and he seemed to notice the fire behind them, sure he had seen the embers dimly lit whenever you saw him injured or heading out again but this was different. Two glowing orbs holding a pure and fiery strength he needed at this moment.

He watched you lift the floorboard and raised an eyebrow when you grabbed a collection of money stacks.

There were so many things you wanted to bring with you but you knew you could only take the essentials. That didn’t stop you from picking up your wedding album with shaking hands and having one last look at your happy life together. Yoongi stepped out of the bedroom room with a duffle bag in his hand, his expression turning soft.

“Bring it?” He smiled making a gesture to the book “If you want it, bring it. But I want you to know, I am here. Always, and we can have a hundred weddings if you wish.”

“We were so happy?”

“I am sorry, that’s all I ever wanted was for us to be happy and I ruined it my love”

“You could never ruin it Yoongi, you just made it more adventurous I have experienced things I never would have if I didn’t have you”

“You experiences things you shouldn’t have because of me”

Tearing out your favorite photo and slipping it into your wallet you looked around the room.

He sat in front of the brown upright piano, running his hands over the smooth and worn wood. He was saying his goodbyes before turning and taking your hand leading you out of the house immediately.

You traveled for almost two hours until you arrived at Cheongju. You both wanted to go further but it was late and you had to make a plan, driving around aimlessly wasn’t going to help.

So you stayed at a dirty motel using cash. Yoongi said it was better that way they could trace everything else.

Stepping out of the shower and laying on the bed; Yoongi was setting up a burner phone and trying to contact an old friend in his home town Daegu.

The two of you had drifted off to sleep for what seemed like an hour when there was a loud thudding on your hotel door. Sitting up and Yoongi swore, trying to reach for his gun but the door was beaten in.

“What do we have here?” One hulking man asked his gun halting your movements, he was sweaty and made you scrunch your nose in distaste. The other was thinner and taller he had a large burn on the side of his temple and you wanted nothing to do with them.

“Looks like two runaways,” this man pointed his guns at Yoongi, “Get out of bed!”

Hands in the air, you followed their orders stepping from under the warmth of the blankets. Walking cautiously to the middle of the room, Yoongi didn’t raise his hand but followed their orders, taking your hips and trying to move you behind him, you didn’t budge.

Jimin in many occasions had taught unarmed combat and how to use your body as a weapon, he also taught you how to disarm someone.

“You have to move fast. I cannot stress it enough, your small and female they won’t expect you to have the guts to do anything” he smiled “so you have the advantage, what I want you to do is take the weapon quickly and with the least trouble.”

Jimin showed you meticulously how to disarm up to three men, “any more than three and I don’t think you will come out of it unharmed”

Jungkook taught you the importance of the first strike and all the power behind it.

“You need to prove you won’t go down easily, when you strike, you strike hard and fast, don’t miss and don’t give them the chance to fight back”

They had trained you well the only problem was you had never experienced a real weapon in your face. “You made a big mistake Suga and you better realize we are leaving here with your wife, and only your wife, the boss doesn’t forgive desertion,” the gun turned on Yoongi and you couldn’t explain what came over you.

It was like someone had taken over your body, it surely couldn’t have been you. Disarming the first guy was easy and you were proud and thankful the weapon was no longer pointed at your husband. You turned fluidly from the now limp figure to throw a punch into the face of the other man, moving quickly flicking the gun out of his hand. A loud gunshot rang through the room, but it didn’t hit you so you must have done something right.

Knocking the second man unconscious, you took their weapons and turned to Yoongi. He was on the ground leaning against the bed, you raced over, “Yoongi!”

“I’m okay, it’s a graze” Yoongi laughed a disbelieving smile on his face. “You actually just kicked their asses!”

“It really is a graze love see” the wound was indeed pretty superficial so you trusted him. Collapsing into his arms crying and shaking. The adrenaline that had been causing through your body was plummeting, as the crisis was over.

“Hey it’s okay, I am so proud of you, come on we have to move” he said lifting your chin and wiping your tears. “I got somewhere we can go, grab your stuff” The two of you took precautions taking everything.

You drove while Yoongi bandaged his arm, he had gotten good at first aid, as was expected since he got injured often.

Deciding to ditch the car as the number plate was traceable you waited by a truck stop. Paying a man to ride in his truck as close to Daegu as he could.

Once inside the cabin of the vehicle you told Yoongi to sleep but he refused instead holding you to his chest and eyeing the driver. “You sleep love you had a big day”

You were woken by Yoongi who was tapping your arm, “Honey, wake up, the nice man drove us as far as he could?” You opened your eyes noticing Yoongi’s heavy Daegu accent had slipped through, he must have been angry. When you sat up you noticed Yoongi had a gun pointed at the man.

“What happened?” You asked looking between the two males.

“He tried to touch you and I wouldn’t let him,” Yoongi smiled but this wasn’t a friendly smile his eyes were full of anger. “Thank you for your help sir but we will be on our way?”

“Thank you for getting us this far, but if you even think of hurting someone, I will kill you,” you smiled and waved him off. “Yoongi we have to keep moving, it’s almost morning and we can’t have traces of ourselves on CCTV’s.

He nodded and while walking along you passed a small hairdresser, inside was a young man. You convinced him to give you a makeover. He seemed very excited to help you, “Yoongi, you are going first okay?”

“Whatever you say?” He smiled, the staff bleached his hair before dying it a mint green giving him contact lenses that were a grey color, He went off with the few male staff members who were going to dress him.

When he stepped out, it was a bit of a shock to see him in something a single twenty-year-old male would wear and not a married man in his thirties.

The owner smiled “hey don’t be nervous, Look at how handsome I am, I only make beautiful people, and you are already beautiful, so my job is easy, you know”

“Jin what are we thinking?” The woman said and he gave the woman some instruction.

She took scissors to your hair, giving you a straight-across fringe and removing several inches from your hair which you had kept long since your wedding. They gave you a blunt cut to your collarbones and began dying your hair. They had faded your hair from a caramel blonde/brown to a bright red.

There wasn’t much time to think as they did your make up and pierced your ears a few times. You looked quite youthful, putting on the clothes they provided feeling self-conscious. This wasn’t you, you felt naked, your legs were on show.

Wearing a denim skirt that stopped midthigh and a tight shirt wasn’t really something you wore at your age but Jin assures you that ‘if you act young, you will look young’. It was a strange notion, but he did look good for his age. When you stepped out Yoongi gave a small laugh. Unable to stop yourself from wondering what he might think, you shuffled your boots against the rug. “Does it look weird?”

“You look as beautiful as the day we met?” His eyes drank you up and down “Do you remember?” He opened his wallet and showed you a picture from your group mixer, “you looked not much different from right now”

“I don’t… look weird?” You said looking in the mirror and seeing the bright lipstick, you looked like you were styled by one of those idol girl groups.

“Hell no, you look like a dream, I love you no matter the style of clothing and hair colour you have. Cause you can rock them all” He smiled and thanked Jin explaining that the two of you never came in, before paying them an enormous amount of money and taking the bus to Daegu countryside.

When you arrived you were met with a tall man with golden blonde hair, he was what you expected a golden retriever to be if they were human. “What a look, you must be Yoongi’s wife” He had blue paint on his chin, the only blemish on his beautiful face, along with a matching green strip of paint through his hair and on the tip of his ear.

“Y/n, this is Taehyung,” Yoongi smiled leading you along after the charismatic young man, “an old friend.”

“I just picked up some paints, do we need anything else from town or shall we retire home?” He was walking backwards and you laughed at how happy he looked it seemed so odd how calm you felt.

Was it wrong to feel safe in this moment, your eyes darted around and the sick heavy feeling of paranoia set in. Could they see you? Were they watching? Waiting for you to let your guard down so they could strike?

Was Taehyung really on your side or had they already got to him and this was their plan. You grabbed Yoongi’s arm, “Can we really trust him what if he is leading us into a trap?”

“Trust me okay?” He said kissing your cheek and sighing. “We can’t turn on everyone without giving them a chance”

He was right but how could you not worry, this wasn’t a normal situation this was doorways some leading to freedom and others death.

It took some time, a bus, and a tractor before you finally arrived at a large farm. “Make yourself at home,” he smiled.

Three months had passed and things were going great, but you did something you shouldn’t have. You went into town that morning with a disguise and rang your parents telling them you were safe before quickly hanging up.

They were thankful to hear from you and you headed back to the farm shaking unable to stand the crowds.

For about five days you stayed awake at night trying to listen for any sign that someone was coming for you. Finally deciding that you may have just got away with it, you all were going into town for groceries.

The boys went off to look at farm supplies while you went through the shop. “Y/n?” a voice called you turned seeing a man in a suit and realized what you had just done.

His smile bloomed across his face, a sick sadistic grin. Your eyes flickering around for an escape. Slamming the trolley into his legs and elbowing him to the ground was your first move.

You tried to race passed him only to have him grab you by the ankle causing you to hit the floor. Stomping your foot into his nose until he let you go. Running down the street and into the supply store you began looking through the clothes rack for something to hide your appearance.

“What are you doing?” Yoongi asked confused as to why you were hiding in this store instead of buying groceries. One look at the fear on your face and he knew his answer, dropping the bag of birdseed Taehyung had asked him to carry. “We have been found?”

“Just me, you will be fine as long as you don’t get caught” You looked around “I just need to leave here without being seen” You looked around for another escape seeing a bloody nose man bossing around some other men point at shops to raid, Taehyung ran over. “I found these bags, the owner says we can fill it and he will weigh it and we pay what we get.

You snatched the bag and looked at Taehyung, “Put me inside and let’s go we are busted,” Taehyung looked around spotting the manager and pressed a finger to his lips as you curled up inside he picked you up in his arms, Yoongi paid the man more than he needed and the three of you left the store.

You held still, barely breathing, as Taehyung walked to the bus stop Yoongi patted the bag softly trying to calm you. Soon you heard the bus, Taehyung carried you onto the bus, they gave you the all-clear to emerge from the bag but you waited an extra few minutes for the bus to leave the town before you busted out.

“How did they find us?” Yoongi hummed and you looked down feeling guilty, that you had ruined everything.

“I made a call in town,” you hung your head and Yoongi frowned, “we will have to leave dove,” his fingers brushed your cheek soothingly.

Taehyung had gotten in contact with a man who went by the name RM for his own protection, a man who made passports while you and Yoongi were busy changing your hair again.

The passports arrived after three days. “What the hell kind of fake names are these?” Yoongi facepalmed at his friend's stupidity, “Taehyung, I asked you to take this seriously.”

Glancing over Yoongi’s shoulder at the Passports you couldn’t help but laugh. Taehyung was an old ball.

In three days you would be boarding a plane as Bonnie Lui and Henry Clyde. A newlywed couple from an urban town in Busan heading to Gwangju. Where you would be meeting a young man named Hoseok in Jungnim-dong, a penguin eccentric village.

It was that night when Taehyung got a call from the neighbour, the ringing of the phone put everyone on high alert and Yoongi and yourself spared no time getting dressed. “Hey Tae there are vehicles coming towards your house, is everything okay?”

Taehyung sighed “thanks bob, keep your back door unlocked I will be there soon”

You looked at Yoongi and grabbed everything and took off through the fields.

You got to town and onto the first bus out of Daegu, as the sun rose you looked over at Yoongi his hair was dark and he was starting to grow a bit of facial hair. He looked handsome. He took your hand fondly, running his thumb against your wedding ring.

Before he slipped it off of your finger, “you should go, I can’t keep dragging you around because of my business. “You deserve a better life”

You snatched your ring back, tears falling. “Don’t you ever remove my ring again Yoongi I vowed in front of our families that I would live and die by your side no matter what and I meant it”

“You really want a life of paranoia, looking over your shoulder and wondering who around you is holding a knife ready to stab you in the back”

“Yes.” You said determined “if it means I am spending my life with you”

You were classified as missing persons and you tried your best to not get caught on your way to the airport. Once on the plane you relaxed significantly, feeling a breath of fresh air like you had done it.

Aiming to start a new life, to settle into a home again. For as long as the Bang mafia would allow you, of course, you knew one day you would have to move and you were ready. There were days where the paranoia took over, there were days where you saw suspicious figures.

One day you even woke up to men in your house, realising they found you again. But you were ready. You were always ready. You both did things you weren’t exactly proud of but you tried to stay pure given your situation.

It was just you and Yoongi against the world and you were in it for life, he was your ride or die and you really were the Bonnie to his Clyde.