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bbugyu · 4 years ago

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how jeonghan knew

a journey with yoon jeonghan, lee seokmin, and you.

there was always something about his infectious laugh and his genuine nature that felt like fate to jeonghan, and maybe you were the muse that kept their red thread in tact.

prelude | part one | part two | part three | epilogue

wc.10662 (LMFAO) | fluff, smut, courtship, angsty in the beginning, polyamory, sugar daddy!jeonghan musician!seokmin escort!reader, hi cheol, hi gyu (again), hi boo, hi wonu, gay pining, jk he's pan probably, discovering sexuality, daddy kink, special guest seokmin!!!!!, threesome, lots of mlm, oral, cumpla, handjobs, choking, butt plugs, male penetration, there's a full on reader-less memberxmember sex scene idk, unprotected sex, please use condoms, jeonghan gets overwhelmed, the TEASING, jeonghan being a home improvement freak, don’t mind han jisung he’s just vibing, required listening is positions (2020) by ariana grande because it’s a perfect album

and here we have poly seokhan: the gayening!!! this is going to be the end of my scheduled updates for neverending artistry, but i’ll be posting an epilogue when i finish it - probably after i post a couple of other fics. this chapter.... is my fave......... i think u will see why lol. i went ahead and got a lil carried away with the house stuff but LISTENNNN i watch a lot of architecture videos ok LFJDSJ

thank you all so much for your continued support and incredible feedback on this series! it seriously means so much to me and i love seeing asks and messages from everyone telling me how excited they are to read more. i hope this satisfies you!!!

jeonghan is pretty sure he always loved seokmin. it wasn't something he would ever be able to change about himself, he figured, as he watched his friend date woman after woman in college with varying seriousness. he decidedly ignored any amount of feelings he harbored for the younger, especially after he dropped architecture as his major and he saw less of him.

jeonghan tried to get over the destined musician (he would always be singing or fiddling with his guitar when he was meant to be helping jeonghan with a diorama) with several women, and after decisively focusing on his career for a couple years, he found success in another man. his short lived gym buddy, but lasted quite a bit longer as his boyfriend. they had connected first when jeonghan had offhandedly commented that he liked the logo on his shirt, to which the long lashed, broad shouldered man had said he had gotten it at the brand's store down the street, making jeonghan chew his cheek before he admitted that he had helped design that location. they connected the second time later that night, clumsily but intensely, and jeonghan liked his plush pouty lips and how his messy black hair felt between his fingers.

while that didn't last forever, he found varied success in other men, and he figured this was why dating women had always been so difficult for him. definitely not that he had been given small choice amongst the rotten apples that attended his college.

he was single again, and at an industry party when he reconnected with an old friend from college who happily reminisced about the fun their small group of friends had back then. he asked if jeonghan remembered seokmin, the guy that dropped the program.

"lee seokmin?" he asked, his brows knitting as he tried to react normally to the name, and mingyu hit his shoulder, laughing.

"yeah! guess what? that son of a bitch is teaching my niece piano!"

jeonghan smiled at the idea of seokmin as a piano teacher, nodding along as mingyu talked about how he had volunteered to take her to her lesson one week, only to be put face to face with a long lost friend. jeonghan laughed as mingyu imitated the face the other had made, laughing harder when he recognized it and remembered seeing it on seokmin's face in the past, then telling mingyu about how he had once pranked him by making the poor guy think that he was going to fail a project because seokmin had accidentally destroyed a diorama. it had already been graded, and he was going to take it apart to save on materials anyways, but the younger nearly cried when he thought he had wasted hours of jeonghan's time and cost him the grade by accidentally kicking it off his desk.

he asked how seokmin was doing these days, and mingyu told him he seemed well, and that he takes his niece to her lessons as often as he can spare, just to chat for a while. "i could give you his number," he said, feeling his pockets for his phone. "i'm sure he'd love to hear from you."

mingyu had been right. seokmin did love hearing from him. and he loved the way seokmin made him laugh with his ever joking tone and physical comedy antics. the way his eyebrows creased as he tried to keep a stern face but was unable to hide the smile across his lips. the way he always fought with him for the check despite jeonghan being older and notably better off.

he didn't love, however, how seokmin nodded his head after the waitress and asked him if he thought he had a shot.

maybe he was desperate, or maybe he wanted an excuse to not date seriously, or maybe he just wasn't ready to let go, but jeonghan continued to invite seokmin out, despite the fact that their relationship would never develop past friends who met in college. he enjoyed his company anyways, even if it felt bittersweet.

he poured himself into his work for several months, taking more contracts than usual and keeping himself occupied, only really seeing others for meetings and constructions, or when he was depressed on a friday night and caved, asking seokmin to join him for drinks somewhere. he continued this cycle for too long, his personal assistant noticing his mood changes before most.

"are you taking your vitamins?"

"yes, seungkwan, i'm taking my vitamins," jeonghan bit back, fully aware that he wasn't asking about vitamins at all, but about his state. confirming he was still making an effort to take care of himself rather than spiraling, sat in his living room on a tuesday after being told by a doctor to rest, for god's sake as a solution to him nearly collapsing several hours earlier. seungkwan shifted on his feet, tongue running over his teeth as he stared at the architect, hands folded in front of him.

"you need to stop seeing him. it only hurts you."

jeonghan sighed, staring at the black screen of his television. "i know."

his assistant studied him. "you should come out with the team sometime," he said. "we get drinks on wednesdays, usually. come tomorrow, it could take your mind off things."

jeonghan looked up at seungkwan, who was clearly sucking on his cheek. he knew he was right. more importantly, seungkwan knew he knew, but jeonghan had a hard time wanting to take his mind off this one specific thing, considering the way this one specific thing laughed like a hyena, poured himself over a piano like an ocean wave, and sang along like an angel. his head fell back on the couch, and he had to take a long, conscious breath to lower the ringing in his ears at the silence. "i'll be there next time."

seungkwan exhaled in defeat, eyes flickering around as he excused himself and said goodnight, knowing his boss was lying.

jeonghan found you on accident - put in an uncomfortable corner by an ultimatum from his publicist and the circulating rumor that he sleeps with men because he can't keep a woman around that seemed to pile on top of everything else on his plate - and the second you opened your mouth, he knew you were special.

he remembered the profile he had seen from your broker, and knew you were attending university. he asked you your major, and when you told him you wanted to produce music for a living, something deep in him stirred. you had been sitting in his car for all of twenty minutes, and you nearly had him under your spell already.

he couldn't understand his fascination with you, but he continued to book you for dates, sometimes deciding what event he would be attending by asking what day you were available that week. he figured if he needed to prove to the world that he wasn't gay (which he was, he was pretty sure), you were the only one he was interested in doing it with.

maybe he had a thing for musicians.

he had taken out quite a few escorts before you, but none of them were nearly as fun. you always did an incredible job engaging in whatever event he brought you to, but also hit his chest as you tried to stifle a laugh at something he muttered into your ear, guiding you away. his friends liked you, too, the few he had. the ones that had met you. yongsun had even tugged him aside briefly, asking if he really liked you. you seemed nice, she had said. and good, in general, but also for him. she wanted to make sure he wasn't just leading you along to quiet some stupid rumor. he glanced at you, smiling wide as you excitedly discussed music with one of his other friends (the fifth and last person he liked at this event, the two of you included), and wasn't quite sure why he told her he actually liked you, but didn't feel the need to correct himself.

then you told him you were quitting, and he realized what he would be losing. then you kissed him, and he realized what he had been feeling. then you looked at him with wide eyes, just as shocked as he was by the explosion of fireworks you had both just experienced, and he realized what he had been missing out on all this time.

he figured he must have always loved you as his eyes scanned the hotel bar, confused at how you had managed to get away so quickly. he was running into the hall to see if you had escaped to the lobby when someone caught his arm.

"hey, you seen yongsun?"

jeonghan blinked at his blonde friend, recognizing her play. "have you seen y/n?"

"try the bathroom," she said, throwing a thumb over her shoulder in the direction she had come from.

he looked down the hall at the restroom signs, nodding. "i saw her at the chocolate fountain a minute ago."

byulyi patted his shoulder as she walked past him. "good luck, yoon."

it felt good telling you the truth, while sitting in your well organized and tastefully decorated studio apartment that you had insisted he would hate, even if he was too scared to admit all of it. why he had needed you before, but wanted you now. his heart nearly beat out of his chest when you agreed to his conditions, though he recognized that he had given you just about every advantage in the deal. it would have been near impossible for you to say no, especially after the way you had kissed him before someone had finally tried to enter the bathroom you were hiding in.

for a while, he only kissed you as a farewell, mostly because he enjoyed the old school romanticism of kissing a beautiful woman in the moonlight, her back against the passenger door of his black vehicle parked on the street outside her studio apartment. then, when he had invited you to his home after the two of you had ditched a boring dinner several hours early, you had curled up in his side to watch a movie. at some point, he caught you staring at him, and you put a hand on his cheek and kissed him sweetly. slowly. kissed him in a way that only made him crave more. you smiled, settling back into his side for the rest of the movie, and even though you had done it unconsciously, the back of your hand rested against his thigh in a way he had a hard time ignoring, and he decided he must have just had real shit taste in women before he had met you.

the following sunday, when you mentioned how pitch black the sky seemed at that late hour, having gotten caught up binging some drama, he not-so-vaguely hinted that he'd be okay with you spending the night in his bed. you eyed him, and he shrugged playfully.

"or i have guest rooms. up to you."

"i have class tomorrow," you tested.

"i can take you," he responded. "if you want."

you paused, watching him as he recorked the wine bottle the two of you had opened earlier in the evening but only managed to have one glass of each before abandoning it to cuddle on the couch. he was always so thoughtful, even in his teasing. he cared about your comfort. he wanted to maintain your boundaries. but it had been a really long time since you had gotten laid, and everything in you yearned to say yes. jeonghan's voice in your head reminded you, no expectations. this could be whatever you wanted out of it.

so you went to bed with him.

jeonghan would swear up and down that you were the most beautiful woman in the world, and his beliefs were only confirmed when he pulled your shirt off of you, dragging your pants down your legs, and got a real look at you for the first time. you felt unexplainably embarrassed under his gaze, asking if he was okay.

"yeah," he said breathlessly, a hand running up your side, your back arching slightly to his touch. he curled over you before he whispered "god, yeah, i'm more than okay," against your lips.

not even ten minutes had passed before you told him you loved him between your panting, and he was so ecstatic when he could tell you, wholly and truthfully, that he loved you, too. and after your pulses had died down and you were falling asleep in his arms, he said that if you were staying under his roof, you were not allowed in any guest rooms. that if you needed space, he would find a different bed to sleep in, because this one looked best with you in it, and he refused to have it any other way.

jeonghan never got bored with you. over time, you began going to his place after events and dinners more than he dropped you off at your apartment, becoming an often enough occurrence that he had asked you one night to fill an online shopping cart with clothes for you to keep in his closet, so you could stop this silly packing bags nonsense. he had already bought you a full set of toiletries for his bathroom, started keeping your favorite snacks in the pantry, and even gone as far as to buy you the house slippers you had offhandedly said were cute when the two of you wandered aimlessly around a mall together. you were becoming a part of his home in more ways than one, and he was happy to have you.

he offered you an unused office on the second floor when you started studying for finals on the peninsula of his kitchen counter one monday afternoon, and you asked what was wrong with you doing it where you were.

"because you're not going to clean it up," he pointed out.

"maybe if we had a rewards system," you argued. "if i clean up, i get a prize."

he laughed, rounding the small jut of countertop, thinking about how he would probably need a proper kitchen island if you were going to be sticking around. "just because i give you an allowance, doesn't mean you're a child. you're not supposed to focus on the baby part of sugar baby."

you pouted as you turned on the stool to face him, a hand gently tugging his tie to pull him into you. "what if i focus on the daddy part of sugar daddy?"

a hunger dropped in jeonghan, gazing down at you as you sat at his kitchen counter, surrounded by textbooks and notes. your eyes sparkled under the lights, and his fingers went behind your neck before he kissed you, muttering against your lips to try calling him that again, angel.

the kitchen remodel had gone about as smoothly as it could have, given the fact that it was nearly impossible to transport such a large slab of granite for his dream island without it snapping in half from its own weight, but they managed, and when the light fixture finally turned on for the first time after the new cabinet doors had been installed, he felt justified in remodeling a kitchen that had hardly needed updating. he felt even more justified when he came downstairs to find you, having woken up in an empty bed, only to have you yell at him as you flipped pancakes on the griddle of his new gas range, saying you were going to bring him breakfast in bed and if he didn't cooperate, he wouldn't see you for a week. he laughed at your threatening spatula, putting his hands up in surrender, unable to stop smiling as he made his way back up the stairs.

you had enrolled in online courses for your last year of school, mostly so you didn't have to be anywhere specific for several hours every day, and instead could keep your schedule massively open to cater to jeonghan's needs. this also meant you usually attended your afternoon lectures at his home, waiting for him to get off work and distract you.

then the two of you started attended wednesday drinks with the team. seungkwan had thanked you, though you hadn't realized that you were deserving of a thanks.

"he'll tell you when he wants to, i guess," he said, twirling the beer in his hand. "but he wasn't in a great place before he met you."

you could hear the subject of your exchange laughing further down the bar, and you wondered what kind of place he meant, but tapped your glass against seungkwan's instead of asking the question. "to better places."

he chuckled, bringing the beer to his lips. "cheers to that."

jeonghan enjoyed having you on his lap on the couch, listening to whatever r&b record you had chosen as you worked your lips against his. he nudged several kisses down your neck, and you mentioned offhandedly that there was a perfect place in his living room for a bar, pointing at the wall behind him. he pulled away from you, turning his body with an arm over the back of the sofa, and his head cocked as he stared at the wall that only held a painting. he silently agreed with you, wondering why you seemed to inspire all his recent projects as you nipped at his neck, drawing his attention back to you with a smile on his face.

the bar was finished in time to hire a bartender for a halloween party. he hadn't told the guests that it was an anniversary party, but you had been made aware of the secret arrangement during a conversation the two of you had over a private meal in your favorite restaurant the week before.

"a threesome," you asked, hoping for clarification.

"with a guy, preferably," jeonghan said. "but i could be convinced to approve of a girl if that's what you would like."

"you're being serious?" you seemed to find yourself asking him that a lot. every time he suggested something that he knew you wanted, you wondered if he was pulling your leg. "and you want me to choose?"

"yeah, at the party," he said, watching you shake your head incredulously with a smile on his face. the two of you had discussed the possibility in the past, and he thought it made a fun gift. an unexpected one, from someone who had enough money to comfortably gift you just about anything. "i have to approve, obviously, but you get to pick the candidates."

you thought a moment. "what if we can't agree on anyone?"

"then i take you to bed alone and we have fun anyways."

he laughed when you squinted at him.

"if the opportunity comes up down the line, we can try again later," he said. "but i thought this would give you something fun to do while i'm hosting guests."

and it had, as you sneakily scoped out the guests, flitting around the party of both familiar and unfamiliar faces in your angelic cheerleading costume. visiting and laughing heartily with the team, as well as your uni friends that jeonghan insisted you invite, offering them more drinks, then saying something about having to play hostess so you could continue your search. byulyi and yongsun were there, and you complimented their matching rapunzel and flynn get up, jeonghan catching you for just a second to ask if you needed anything.

you settled in on one target perhaps too quickly, without even really having made an effort to see all the options. you had been struck by the same sharp cheekbones, puppy dog eyes, and crooked smile that jeonghan had once fallen for. when he saw you tucked into lee seokmin's side, recognizing your flirting even from a distance and noticing how receptive the musician was to it, his heart fluttered, and he couldn't tell if it was a good or bad thing.

a good thing, he decided, when seokmin had asked him permission before he came in you. because, seemingly, sexuality was much more of a spectrum than jeonghan had once thought, and perhaps his college crush just needed the encouragement of an incredible woman to try something a little beyond his experience, much like he had.

and when you wouldn't stop mentioning the musician the two of you had enjoyed the company of while schmoozing guests at the opening of him and his friend's collaborative art exhibit, he got a slick idea. on the way home, he told you that you weren't allowed to make a noise until he hung up the phone, but you were already writhing in the passenger seat just as the phone rang.

and when he answered, you clamped a hand over your mouth, a bare foot landing on the dashboard as you tried to grind against jeonghan's hand, his voice steady as he talked to the younger.

and when he mentioned you, your walls pulsed around his fingers, a smile finding its way into his lips as he spoke. he tried not to take too much pleasure in the way you looked at him with begging eyes and your fist between your teeth, or in the way seokmin's tone dropped as he confirmed that he would get a cab, but he truly couldn't help himself when he made eye contact with seokmin as you sucked him off, his hips canting into yours recklessly, forcing seokmin to break the contact as he reacted to your moan on his cock.

he noticed the way seokmin's hips began to move on their own, begging for enough control to chase his nearing high in your mouth but having it brought right to his doorstep instead. jeonghan felt your perfect heat cling to him in reaction, and before he could think to stop himself, he pulled you into his chest by your throat, not daring to let you claim it all as he lapped cum from your mouth. you whimpered against him, your orgasm lasting impossibly long as he fucked into you, getting milked by your needy walls.

when he caught seokmin staring directly at him, he grinned and wiped the back of his hand across his chin and lower lip, languidly licking any escaped cum off it, and asked if he wanted to try his, too.

seokmin agreed, nodding shakily before jeonghan massaged at your sides, pumping himself into you a few more times. he told you to give seokmin's mouth a ride. you groaned, his cum dripping down your thighs.

jeonghan watched the younger's cock twitch as you moaned over him, one hand on the wall and the other on his scalp, his fingers digging into your thighs. he stared at how it never lost hardness. he didn't even realize that his hands were on seokmin's hip and thigh before he even asked if he could touch him, but a large hand left your thigh to shakily bring jeonghan's to his thick cock, answering the question despite you occupying his mouth, his fingers lingering over jeonghan's as he pumped his length.

he couldn't deny that how badly he wanted to fuck seokmin, but he could settle for making him cum in his hands until he was ready for something more, especially with the surprising amount he had to give after already having cum once. he let himself indulge in a single lick across seokmin's sensitive slit - though it was hard to stop there - triggering a garbled moan before he left to shower.

a week or so later, jeonghan asked you if you were interested in dating seokmin. you put your phone down and rolled over in bed, propped up on your elbows as you asked him what he meant.

"i love you," jeonghan assured, pulling you to lay closer to him. "and i can tell you like him."

you studied his face. "but i'm with you."

"that doesn't have to stop," he said, smiling at you as he tucked a hand behind his head. you eyed his arm briefly, then refocused on him. "but you know how things get in the winter, and i would be okay with you trying things out with him while i'm busy."

"you're being serious?"

jeonghan laughed at the familiar question. "yes, y/n, i'm being serious. i know you want me, but i also know you want more than me."

you had never told anyone about your desire for multiple partners, not even admitted it out loud to yourself, so his candid assessment caught you off guard. "how did you-"

"just little things you've said," he teased, leaving you to question how much you had revealed about yourself without realizing. "besides, no one can deny the chemistry."

you paused. "boundaries?"

"just tell me," he said, putting his arms around you and tugging you into him. "i just want to know when you're seeing him. and, eventually, i would like to be invited every once in a while."

"invited to dates?" you asked, throwing a leg over his lap to straddle it as you laid over him. "or invited to bed?"

he smiled up at you, hands running over your rear. "either. both. whatever you two want."

you agreed, but only after you made him promise he would tell you if anything changed for him. that he had to tell you about every doubt and worry he had. "i'll always choose you," you stated plainly, lips brushing against his as he gently rolled his growing length up against your clothed heat. "no matter what, i'll choose you."

"i know, sweetheart," he said, a hand on your cheek as he kissed you. "i promise."

after he came back from a business trip in december, you admitted to him that you and seokmin had exchanged i love yous, and he just put an arm over your shoulder and turned down the volume on the tv, telling you that he was pretty sure he loved seokmin, too.

"it was him, wasn't it?" you asked, studying his profile. "he was the guy you couldn't get over?"

jeonghan rubbed his face with one hand, sighing. "yeah, it was him."

"why didn't you say anything?"

he thought a moment. "i didn't want you to feel obligated, i guess."

your fingers straightened the seams of his long sleeved shirt across his shoulder. "obligated to win him over for you?"

"obligated to love him, too."

"jokes on you," you giggled. "he's very easy to fall in love with."

jeonghan supposed that was true, thinking of how quickly he had fallen for him, even back before he had admitted he liked men. how he had fallen into the same spot even years later, just over a shared meal and a few bottles of soju.

but you were easy to fall in love with too, he thought, remembering how he hadn't even understood his feelings towards you until you had kissed him, but he had felt them strong enough to want you to stay by his side anyways. maybe jeonghan just fell easily, but maybe he was lucky enough to have found his people at such a young age.

you settled back into the crook of his arm and asked him what he thought about seokmin coming over to join you two for christmas. while much of the world celebrated with family, it was more of a hallmark holiday in korea, often times spent with a long time sweetheart or a budding romance. or both, in your case, jeonghan supposed, when you were distracted trying to find the third christmas music lp you had specifically gotten for the occasion (out of eight, of course, because you didn't want to run out of christmas music). he was leaning against the tasteful home bar that had been hardly touched since halloween when seokmin shyly admitted that he knew jeonghan was interested in him.

he said nothing for a moment. "she told you?"

"kind of, back when you were in japan, but-" seokmin paused. "i think she was just suspicious, but i should have known. you were always too kind to me."

"not too kind," jeonghan said, hiding behind his wine as he sipped at it, trying not to show his embarrassment.

"i think i'm interested, too."

he looked at seokmin, who was staring down at his hands. "are you sure?"

"i'm-" he paused, catching jeonghan's eyes for only a second before scratching the back of his neck. "i think so. i've never even thought about doing anything with - uh - men. until you."

"that's okay," jeonghan said, looking to where you were flipping through records. "i didn't like women until y/n."

seokmin faltered. "wait, really?"

he nodded, a small smile on his face. "i thought i was gay. turns out i'm not."

"but you-" the musician stretched his jaw. "weren't you kind of a player in college?"

he almost said something about how having sex to meet an end and keep an appearance was different than enjoying it, but stopped himself when you announced that you had found the lost record, switching the lps with a flourish and setting the player again. and while he was curious about the level of seokmin's interest in him, he was happy to leave the conversation where it stood when you excitedly rejoined them at the bar.

"do you think i could be a bartender?" you asked, leaning over the counter and grabbing an unused shaker.

"probably," seokmin said.

"for sure no," jeonghan laughed.

you pouted at the latter, holding the shaker between your hands as you directed your attention to the former. "thank you, seokmin. i appreciate you encouraging my dreams."

"any time," he joked.

jeonghan rolled his eyes. "what about that music degree i'm paying for?" he asked, taking another sip.

"just because you've known what you wanted to do forever, doesn't mean everyone does. maybe i'll change my mind." you tried to spin the shaker in your hand, but the force you used was too little and it stopped on your palm too quickly, clumsily clattering to the counter. you stilled it, exhaling sharply when jeonghan giggled beside you, looking to seokmin. "he might be right."

"it's almost like i know you," jeonghan teased, nudging you. "she was convinced she could become my personal bartender for all of two weeks."

"i tried," you whined. seokmin laughed. "the tricks are harder than they look."

"and you hated shaking drinks."

you put the shaker back, defeated. "the ice made it cold."

"isn't that the point?" seokmin asked.

jeonghan smiled at you. "you're lucky i like wine."

"i'm gonna talk to you now," you announced, turning your body to seokmin. "because you're nicer to me than he is."

"aw," the architect chuckled, and seokmin watched you react to a squeeze at your butt. "did he make you soft? can't take my teasing anymore?"

you ignored him, trying to ask the man in front of you about his lessons, but you yelped when his hand firmly landed on your ass, grabbing seokmin's arm in reaction. he looked at you, seemingly just as shocked, and you tried to continue the conversation, but jeonghan's hand didn't leave, and your entire body was reacting to the way it was slowly hiking up your skirt and running between your thighs.

your eyes fell shut, and you muttered for him to cut it out as your grip on seokmin's arm tightened, but jeonghan just made eye contact with the other male, asking him instead if he should.

without thinking, seokmin shook his head and put his hands on your jaw, pulling you in to kiss him. your moan against his lips was involuntary, and jeonghan grinned as his fingers ran over your core, making you whine.

"did you tell him?" you gasped out, asking seokmin with hooded eyes. he shook his head, saying that he hadn't told him everything.

"told me what?" jeonghan asked, interest piqued as he put down his glass, pulling his hand out from your skirt and placing them on your hips instead, squeezing gently as he stood behind you, and your head fell back into his shoulder without much intention as you licked your lips. "seokmin?"

he pulled his gaze, trained on your mouth, to look at jeonghan, and he felt his breath stop in his throat as he fully processed the sight in front of him. you gasped again, as jeonghan's hand came up to knead at your breast, and you tried to pull seokmin closer, but he didn't stop moving even when he was pressed against you.

jeonghan thought he might faint. he wasn't sure what he had been expecting, but when seokmin's hand found the back of his neck and pulled him over your shoulder, his mind went blank. when his lips found his, his vision went white. when he felt his tongue against the inside of his teeth, he couldn't help but moan, one hand gripping your waist and the other aimlessly tugging on seokmin's shirt, seemingly just to hold something that belonged to him.

"fuck, okay," jeonghan breathed, staring after the musicians lips even when they left. you giggled, recognizing the feeling. "okay," he repeated. "got it. understood."

you spun around, hands on jeonghan's chest. "we prepared something for you," you said, and seokmin's cheeks and ears were bright red when he sheepishly nodded with you.

jeonghan looked between the two of you, swallowing suddenly. "what?"

you tugged on his hand, then grabbed seokmin's, too, when he didn't move right away, leading them both to walk around the couch. you pulled jeonghan onto the cushions with you, kissing him briefly before he realized someone was between his knees. when he saw him, that was when jeonghan's dick woke up, suddenly realizing what was happening.

"be nice," you muttered against the shell of his ear, your hand running down his torso. "it's his first time."

seokmin's hands were strong but gentle, and despite never having touched a dick that wasn't attached to him, he knew what felt good. he needed a bit of guidance from you to begin, less from lack of knowing the process and more because he was nervous, but quickly found a comfortable rhythm. jeonghan sighed when he finally got pulled out of his pants, and you were sucking a mark into his neck, his arm wrapped around you and his hand kneading at your rear. his eyes could hardly stay open when seokmin ran his flattened tongue up the underside of his cock.

"isn't he pretty?" you asked, whispering, a smile on your lips.

he groaned, threading his fingers behind seokmin's ear, desperately trying to hold back his release because he hasn't even put you in his mouth, yet, jeonghan, for god's sake, keep it together. the younger's eyes flickered up to his, and he nearly came just from the feeling of his soft lips around his member, sinking slowly.

"fuck, you're too good at this," jeonghan said, the half chuckle on his lips falling quickly when seokmin's tongue ran over a vein, the warmth of his mouth feeling like heaven. his teeth bit down on his lower lip, watching your hand run through seokmin's hair. he hummed at the contact, his grip tightening slightly, sending a jolt through jeonghan's system. "fuck, i'm gonna cum already."

"there were lessons," you giggled, your hands wrapping casually around his neck. his breathing hitched, eyes falling shut, focusing on the mouth sheathing his cock as he recognized your fidgeting fingers over his pulse. "merry christmas, daddy."

he inhaled sharply right before you squeezed at his throat, and he thought that he should maybe let you lead more often if it was going to feel this good. seokmin seemed surprised by the feeling of jeonghan cumming in his mouth, but he did his best to pump every drop from him, swallowing thickly. you only smiled when jeonghan sat up, leaving you behind as he pulled seokmin's face to his, his hands running up jeonghan's thighs as he kissed him.

jeonghan decided the sunroom extension was all wrong, and that he'd have to redo it.

"you just built that," wonwoo said, having been the contractor that oversaw the construction. "besides, it's snowy season, we can't do outdoor construction. you'll have to wait til spring."

"not outdoor," jeonghan said, rolling out the drafting papers he had drawn up over the course of his new year break, the final pieces being completed in the wee hours of that morning. he had sent wonwoo a text as soon as he thought he would be awake, asking for a meeting despite it only being two days after the new year. "the shell can stay the same, we just need to build indoors. besides, i need this done in february."

wonwoo blinked at him. "when in february?"

"it has to be fully furnished by the 18th."

the contractor laughed at the deadline, only a month and a half out, as he looked over jeonghan's drafts. it would be a tight schedule, considering the structural changes he wanted, but he recognized his long time work partner's determination and knew there was little he could do to argue. "okay. let's get to work."

he turned down a contract for a café to make time for the new home project, but not before recommending they contact a kim mingyu, giving him the vaguest thank you for introducing seokmin back into his life. he didn't have time to draw several attempted variations of every café he had ever designed, he was too busy mapping out the logistics of adding a lofted space to the two story sunroom. too busy planning to tear out the outer wall of your office and picking the right sliding glass doors that would lead to the loft. you had to ask him several days in a row before he finally told you what he had planned.

"a music room?"

he tried to gauge your reaction. "is it crazy?"

you broke out into a smile, studying his design, gripping the mug that held your latté that morning. "absolutely, but i love it."

he asked you to help him pick instruments, saying his wishlist included a white grand piano and three to five guitars that could be displayed together. he also told you to pick out your dream computer setup for production - you were graduating that year, afterall, and it was about time you started using something other than your laptop and a midi controller to make music - and you almost started crying from how fucking excited that made you.

hiding the plans from seokmin was the hardest part, especially when he started spending weekends at the house. he saw the construction area often, and one friday afternoon, he had even asked if he could help, leaving you to usher him away and assure him that jeonghan didn't like help when it came to these things. he believed the white lie, allowing you to distract him with the option of watching shit television in bed, even convincing him that tonight was the night to surprise his new boyfriend. seokmin laid in bed with his arms wrapped around you, trying not to move too much, fully aware that even the slightest movements in his body caused his dick to come to life, until the last of the workers left and jeonghan appeared, asking if there were dinner requests before he went to take a shower.

seokmin had been training with you for over a week. you had bought him some toys, even helped him try them out in the comfort of his loft, and he got increasingly excited - generally, but also in those moments - to show jeonghan what he had learned. the surprise he had been keeping had already made him beg you to cockwarm him as he waited, but you refused on account of knowing him, and by extension, knowing that he would not being able to stop himself. he had a bit more confidence, though it may have only been fueled by horniness, when he pulled the vaguely sweaty architect toward him on the bed. he tried to say something about how he should really wash up, but seokmin just kissed him, hands gripping around his skull in desperation, his dick already hard against jeonghan's pelvis.

jeonghan's hands wandered, as they usually did, and when he reached down to palm at seokmin's ass, he reacted in a way that earned him a questioning glance.

"we - ah-" his eyes shut, jeonghan's hands getting closer to his surprise. "she's been helping me-"

and that was when he felt it. the small, hard handle of a plug, situated between seokmin's perky asscheeks, easy to feel through the loose fabric of his shorts, and jeonghan felt his arousal tenting his pants just from the concept.

jeonghan hadn't even noticed your movement off the bed until a bottle of lube hit his leg, looking down at it briefly before looking to you.

"i'm gonna go clean up," you said, running a hand through your hair as you retreated to the bathroom, leaving jeonghan with an already flustered seokmin.

before long, he had him on his back, naked, and finally got to see how sweet his little ass looked when jeonghan pushed his knees towards his chest. when he saw the black knob fitting tightly into his hole, he groaned, his own bare cock flinching in need. he put a hand on seokmin's dick, gripping it lightly, then put a thumb against the plug.

"nngh- fuck," seokmin stammered, fingers gripping at the bedsheets as his neck stretched out against the pillows, bucking into the hand wrapped around him. "j-jeonghan…"

"this is cute," he said, slowly moving his thumb in a circular motion, the plug's movement making seokmin let out choked moans. "but i really need to play with you now."

seokmin nodded, hurriedly, brows knit together. "please."

he hooked his fingers under the knob of the plug, slowly pulling it out and relishing in the reaction. the younger's back arched in a way that jeonghan wished he could see from every angle, knowing that the way his shoulders and back looked must have been incredible, but satisfied by just watching the way his mouth hung open and his eyes clamped shut, his fingers gripping at jeonghan's hand where it stayed on his dick.

he began to pump the dick in his palm, setting aside the plug and grabbing the lube, popping it open with just his left hand and quickly squirting a healthy amount onto the tip of seokmin's penis, making quick work of spreading it completely over the engorged member, the slickness making him moan even louder and reach out for jeonghan's shoulders.

he let seokmin tug him over him, kissing him briefly before looking down at where the younger's thighs spread over his, wanting nothing more than to just fuck him already.

jeonghan's hand left seokmin's cock, leaving him whining against his lips, but it was short lived as his lubed fingers slid down to his puckered hole.

"seokmin," he muttered, studying his face. "you're sure, right?"

"fuck, i've been wanting this for since christmas, jeonghan," he sputtered out, eyes barely able to focus when there were fingers teasing his entrance. "yes, please, i'm sure."

jeonghan slid a digit into the tight hole, watching seokmin's face as his brows creased and his head fell back, a moan tumbling from his lips. another finger, jeonghan decided, and the reaction was similar, making him smirk.

"god, you're ready, aren't you?"

"please," he begged. "i want you."

jeonghan sat back, and the musician got on his elbows to watch as he readied his cock with lube, putting more on his finger and spreading it around seokmin's hole. he whined when jeonghan placed the head of his dick at his entrance, tugging him over him again.

"i'll go slow, okay?" jeonghan assured him. "tell me if i need to stop."

seokmin just nodded, eyes trained on his, and they locked lips as jeonghan pushed his hips forward slowly, the man under him immediately moaning and huffing against his mouth.

jeonghan really liked sex with seokmin. he also really liked sex with you. but he was pretty sure he liked it the most when you were both present.

seokmin didn't walk right for a day and a half, and while he was slightly embarrassed, you told him it was a badge of honor he should wear proudly. afterall, he had done the same to you on halloween.

"how's your butt?" you asked when he came down the stairs, the sunday morning after they had done the deed without you, making him choke out a laugh as you got his tea out of a cabinet in jeonghan's kitchen.

"better than yesterday," he said, gingerly seating himself at a stool. "but not as good as friday."

you eyed him. "before or during?"

seokmin thought a second. "both."

"good morning," jeonghan said, quickly planting kisses on the man and then you, cheek and lips respectively based on the convenience as he walked past you, making his way to the espresso machine. "i think i'm gonna work on the sunroom today."

"today?" you asked. "wonwoo's gonna say no."

"wonwoo isn't getting invited. i still have to find furniture," he said, rinsing out the espresso shot glass and wiping down the portafilter. "we're getting close to deadline, i need boo to order the upholstery job on tuesday and i have a meeting tomorrow."

"when's deadline?" seokmin asked, wondering why he had one for a home project.

jeonghan blinked at the wall, not even turning towards the younger. "don't worry your pretty head about it."

you pouted, closing the short distance and wrapping your arms around him, your chin on his shoulder. "it's sunday. can't we cuddled puddle?"

"you mean like we do every night?" jeonghan asked, but grinding espresso beans so you couldn't answer the rhetorical question, packing down the grounds. "if you want to cuddle puddle, don't get out of bed so early."

you huffed as you dropped your arms, leaving him to prep a glass for his americano. "whatever. seokmin and i will have fun without you."

"what kind of fun?"

you stick your tongue out at him, using a teasing voice when you said "wouldn't you like to know."

innocent fun, was the truth, but you thought it was a victimless bluff. you spent the morning sitting on the couch with seokmin while a record played, discussing everything from your favorite movies to your weirdest dreams. you had to get up every six songs or so to flip or change the record, but seokmin liked that every time you rejoined him on the couch, you got closer to his side until you were eventually snuggling into his side, arms wrapped around his torso.

the innocence stopped when jeonghan emerged from his study, joining the two of you for a break. he planted himself on the other side of seokmin, under his arm, letting his hand not-so-subtly run over his thigh. you noticed the contact, peeking around to jeonghan.

"what kind of break are you looking for, hannie?"

he adjusted. "an inspiring one."

you giggled, recognizing the euphemism he used whenever he was stuck on something for work as you leaned back again. "that means he's horny."

seokmin sputtered out a laugh, jeonghan chuckling at your direct observation. "it's hard to not think about you two sitting out here, having fun without me."

"you may not believe it," seokmin said. "but i don't think sex was even on the table for us two today."

jeonghan's eyes met his, and he swallowed harshly. "can it be on the table for all three of us?"

the comfort of returning to bed was hard to deny, especially when they had you laid out against seokmin's chest as he was pressed against the headboard, his mouth attached to your neck and his fingers twisting a nipple, all while jeonghan was digging his digits further into you with his tongue flicking against your clit.

seokmin grunted, rutting his hips against your back. "fuck, he looks good there."

you gasped, nodding, biting at your lip as he kneaded your breast, your fingers digging into jeonghan's hair. "you both do."

jeonghan never struggled to pull you apart, his deft fingers and teasing lips making you squirm and moan until you were shaking, mouth hanging open as your vision blurred and he told you you tasted like candy.

"minnie," jeonghan prompted, making the younger sit up with you whining against him to clean your taste off his fingers. his dick throbbed in need, watching the singer's agile tongue against him, wishing it wasn't just on his fingers.

seokmin had to practically beg jeonghan to fuck him again, but his only hesitation was that he may not have recovered yet. seokmin was on his back and gripped at jeonghan's thighs, urging him forward as your hand twisted around his thick, throbbing cock.

jeonghan swallowed, pausing despite being covered in lube and in position. "you're sure?"

"yes," seokmin said, gasping at your hand on him. "jeonghan, i appreciate you asking, but i'm always sure when it comes to you."

you weren't sure you had ever seen jeonghan blush like that in bed, and you smiled against seokmin's neck as he groaned, his cock firming in your grasp as the older pushed into him. you admired seokmin's silent scream, his head lolling to one side at the feeling.

"angel," jeonghan sighed, settling into the way seokmin squeezed around him. "what do you wanna do?"

you teased a thumb over seokmin's slit. "i wanna ride."

"f-fuuck-" seokmin panted, his hips resting against jeonghan's spread thighs as his knees hung to either side. "i'm not- nngh- gonna last."

"you don't have to," you said matter of factly, adjusting to straddle his torso. jeonghan winced, watching your form as he pumped into seokmin. "we're done when daddy says so."

you put your hand, palm up, over your shoulder, and jeonghan chuckled at the recognized motion for him to spit on your fingers - usually, so that you could slick his dick to sit back on it. you worked jeonghan's spit over seokmin's engorged cock, then slowly lowered yourself onto him.

seokmin stared up at you, eyes fluttering and mouth open, suddenly not only feeling impossibly full, but also absolutely stuffed into you. he moaned out loud when jeonghan bumped into his spot, overwhelmed by the simultaneous pleasure. you fell forward onto his chest, holding yourself up with shaky arms as your face hovered over his, both of you trying to hold off your own demises.

then, jeonghan pushed himself deep into seokmin, who whined, his dick pushing up against your cervix. you nearly collapsed, whimpering as your forehead fell to his, gasping into a desperate kiss. jeonghan groaned, his hand running over your hip as he looked at the intersection of you all, staring at the way you barely contained all of seokmin before he leaned forward and kissed your spine.

"you two will kill me," he said, one hand holding you firmly at your waist while the other gripped seokmin's thigh as he picked up his pace. you both moaned, fingernails digging into the plushest part of your thigh when seokmin questioned how much longer he could hold out at jeonghan's unrelenting pace.

a long, high pitched whine fell from his lips. "fuck, i need to cum," he rushed out, bleary eyes barely opening as he looked at you.

"hang on, baby," jeonghan said. "ladies first."

you babbled against seokmin's lips, somehow never being able to get used to the way he filled you, though jeonghan pushing him into you didn't help. you could do nothing but repeat curses in increasing pitch, pushing your face into seokmin's neck as your walls clamped down around him. his mouth gaped, desperately trying to not succumb to your plush insides before he got the okay.

jeonghan smiled at how seokmin tried to focus on him, despite his hands gripping you as you shook against him. "go ahead, baby."

so seokmin went. and god, he went, coating you internally, immediately squeezing out around his stuffed cock and onto his lap, making jeonghan pant as he kept his hips moving, chasing his own end. he leaned forward, chest pressing against your back as he fucked into seokmin, not stopping until his eyes were clamped shut and he was painting his walls white.

there was a long period of time where none of you moved, then another after you had all managed to untangle from each other. jeonghan sat back, leaning against a hand and scratching his brow as he breathed heavily.

"bathtub cuddle puddle?"

you laughed, chest heaving as you looked over to him, but it was seokmin who spoke. "that sounds nice."

he started to get suspicious when his birthday got closer.

jeonghan told you to suggest a dinner outing for that night to divert attention, but he had caught you moving one of the guitars for the music room only a few days before his birthday, and he looked at you with squinted eyes when he asked if it was for him and you hurriedly said no, hiding the guitar behind your back despite him clearly being able to see it.

"i panicked," you told jeonghan, eyes wide. "he saw it in me. he could tell it wasn't just the guitar."

"it'll be fine, y/n," he said, pushing around potted plants until they satisfied him. "he has to think it's weird that we haven't let him see this room yet, anyways."

you chewed your cheek, looking around the almost completed sunroom. the tall windows showed the light snowflakes falling from the sky, not quite thick enough to leave a layer but enough to make the enclosed yard look slightly pastel. despite the open space that looked out into the cold seoul winter, it stayed cozy, heat radiating from the floorboards and the faux fur rugs laid across them. the space near the entrance had a raised floor with a grand piano, along with several guitars hanging upon the wall, while the area partially covered by the balcony had two heavily cushioned, dark heather gray couches and a bright armchair, adorned with pillows and cable knit blankets.

jeonghan had a slight obsessive nature when it came to his home projects. he was meticulous with contracts, too, but he truly wanted this house to be perfect - not just for him, but for the people he loved. so you watched him rearrange pillows about four more times before you ran up the stairs to the loft to see if he had changed anything there since you had looked the day before.

it almost felt as though it was outdoors, with plants hanging off the edge of the railing and the rustic desk he had originally picked for your office placed to one side. you imagined doing schoolwork here, fantasizing slightly about watching seokmin play piano from your vantage point as you wrote essays. you slid open the glass doors to peek into your new office.

he had painted the walls white, taking a hint from the styling in your own apartment when he picked out a neutral toned couch and light wood shelving, your early graduation present of a computer set up spread across an L shaped desk. he had even paid to have your upright piano moved here, and cut into the next room over to give you more space for an electric drumset. you couldn't help but smile, imagining your friends coming over to record stuff with you. you had always felt strange about inviting them to your rich boyfriend's house, despite him insisting they were welcome, but he had really gone through the trouble of making a room so perfect for all of them that you had no choice.

and it was brighter, you thought. you had told him you worked better in bright spaces.

despite jeonghan's promises, the music room renovation felt like it was as much a gift for you as it was for seokmin. though, maybe he couldn't help it, when the reasons he loved you both overlapped so much.

you went to seokmin's apartment the next day with a bagged gift for him, arriving again right as his client was leaving, and you smiled at the same young man you had seen the first time you had come to visit seokmin. you knew his name now, not because you had spoken to him much, but because you had been told about him by his teacher, and you congratulated him on getting a gig the upcoming weekend.

"oh," jisung said, glancing between the two of you. "he talks about me?"

you laughed and gave him a fighting, seokmin looking upwards to hide his embarrassment as he ushered his student toward the door. "have a nice week, jisung! i'll try to be there this weekend," he said, throwing you a look as you giggled.

"it's not for guitar, you don't have to come," the younger assured. "but if you want to, bring your girlfriend!"

"yeah!" you said, putting your fists on your hips. "i'm getting you dinner for your birthday tonight, the least you can do is take me to an underground rap show!"

"okay, both of you, no more talking," seokmin said, trying and failing to prevent jisung from stopping in his tracks at the news that it was his birthday.

"woah, teach, happy birthday!" he laughed. "you weren't gonna say anything?" he kept talking even as his teacher pushed him out of his apartment.

you couldn't stop grinning when the door closed, seokmin turning to you. he pointed at you, trying to hide his smile as he could only get out a vaguely annoyed "you."

"happy birthday, baby," you said, wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling him into a kiss. he softened against you, smiling as you pulled away, his hands on your waist as he thanked you quietly.

"he asks about you a lot," seokmin said, joining you when you laughed at the fact. "i think he has a crush on you."

you rolled your eyes. "stop bragging about me, then."

"i don't brag," he said, smiling into another kiss. "i just tell the truth. i can't help that you're a dream come true."

you only pulled away from him to grab the two thick paper bags that you had set on his couch. "c'mon, we gotta head out. open your presents."

seokmin's mouth dropped open when he saw the logo on the bag. "wait, you didn't."

"i had to," you said, giggling as he grabbed one and tugged it open, moving to the couch to pull the garment out. "you said you wanted it."

"where did you find one?" he asked, staring at the corduroy parka from the brand you saw him wear constantly. "they've been sold out for weeks!"

"i got it before then, duh." you poked his cheek when he pouted at you, his eyebrows knit. "there's more, stop getting distracted."

seokmin hugged you extra tight as a thank you for his romantic crown haul, and he decisively pulled on the golden yellow shirt with the pizza on the back, making you grin at how perfectly jeonghan had predicted his thought process before you dragged him out of his apartment to go get dinner.

"we're just picking it up," you said, jangling a keychain. he gave you a quirked eyebrow, and you giggled, pulling him over to jeonghan's car. "do you wanna see it self drive?"

you pushed the side door closed with your butt and called out to jeonghan, saying the birthday boy was here. seokmin took the pizza boxes from your arms and put them on the kitchen counter as jeonghan walked around the stairs.

"well one of us has to change," jeonghan said facetiously, and seokmin looked down at the yellow shirt peeking through his half zipped parka, looking back up at jeonghan, who was wearing the same shirt.

"wait wait wait," you giggled, turning around to undo the zipper of your own jacket, pulling it open as you spun around to reveal that you, too, were wearing the shirt.

seokmin looked between you two with wide eyes, his eyebrows creasing. "you got us matching shirts?"

"pizza shirt gang!" you giggled, stripping off your jacket. "do you like them?"

he smiled into a disbelieving laugh. "how did you know i would put it on?"

"because we know you, minnie," jeonghan said, reaching for his hand after he took off his new coat. "before we eat, i finished the sunroom today, wanna see it?"

"hang on," seokmin stopped, making his hand fall from jeonghan's. "that's not the gift, right?" he looked at you. "the sunroom isn't the gift?"

you pursed your lips, looking at the ceiling, and seokmin started to argue, making jeonghan laughed. "who cares if it's for you, i just want you to come look at it."

jeonghan is pretty sure he always loved seokmin. it wasn't something he would ever be able to change about himself, he figured, as he watched his lover cover his face with his hands, sinking to crouch on the floor as his eyes looked around the large room that was lit by fairy light. the first thing he had seen was the piano, which made him gasp, then he saw the guitars, and looked at your smiling face, suddenly connecting dots, unable to stay standing from the shock as he understood why he hadn't been allowed to help.

and then he started crying.

the two of you ushered him to a couch, sitting him down as he sniffed back the tears. you sat beside him, wrapping your arms around his shoulder and cooing, jeonghan crouching on the floor in front of him.

"i'm sorry," jeonghan said, smiling slightly as he gave him an apologetic look. "i didn't mean to overwhelm you."

seokmin choked on a laugh, wiping at his cheeks. "how did you think i'd react?"

"i don't think he thought about it," you whispered, knowing full well jeonghan could hear you.

"i got a little carried away," he admitted, hand rubbing comforting circles on seokmin's leg. "you're special to me, so i wanted to make something special for you."

"this," seokmin said, looking around, gesturing at his surroundings. "this?"

the older huffed out a laugh, almost embarrassed. "yeah, this."

seokmin laughed too, eyes wet as he looked into the other's. "i can't believe you would make something this incredible for me."

"you're incredible," jeonghan said. "i want you to feel welcome in my home."

"i couldn't believe the record wall, either," you offered when seokmin seemed speechless, pressing your cheek against the his shoulder, hand rubbing his back. "jeonghan's love language is a little unique."

seokmin sniffed one more time, studying jeonghan's face, his brow creasing ever so slightly. "holy shit, i'm in love with you."

your heart stopped as you pulled away slightly to look at him, then jeonghan, who was frozen.

"i didn't realize that's what this was," seokmin said, hand gripping the one on his thigh. "i knew i liked you, but this is-"

jeonghan rose quickly, seating himself at seokmin's other side and kissed him. "i love you," he said, thumbs wiping over his slightly damp cheekbones. "it's taken me years to admit it, but i love you."

seokmin kissed him again in response, his face feeling hot from the continued attention. he broke away, only to look around the room again, jeonghan studying his face with a smile as he did.

"i think," seokmin said, clearing his throat when the words came out weak. he looked to you, then to jeonghan. "i think this is the best birthday i've ever had."

jeonghan laughed. "we haven't even had the pizza yet."

300 notes · View notes

spencers-renaissance · 4 years ago

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Writing Masterlist

All of my writing is available on AO3, but I’ve put together a masterlist of all my work so far for everyone who gets their fic fill on tumblr and will keep it updated! Keep your eyes peeled for new fics on the regular <3

⭐️= indicates my personal faves

If you’re looking for smut, you need to head to my smut masterlist on my nsfw blog!

Current Fic Count: 30

Aaron x Spencer

⭐️turns out that I need you now (much more than you need me)

Spencer is suffering in silence and it’s only made worse when the team messes up and makes him feel even more hurt and insecure. When Hotch goes to check on him, though, things start to look up.

3.5k, angst, hurt/comfort, protective hotch, happy ending

⭐️Vivaldi on Full Volume

Spencer’s done enough pining, so he decides to write a letter for Aaron telling him exactly how he feels and gives it to him on the jet. He cannot be held responsible for what happens when they land.

5.2k, fluff, love confessions, shy spencer, insecurity

Living the Same Lie

Aaron breaks up with Spencer, but when an attempt to move on goes horribly wrong they get a second chance.

5k, hurt/comfort, angst with a happy ending, fluff, breaking up and making up, implied/mentioned physical assault, implied/mentioned sexual assault

East Coast

Spencer and Aaron happen to sit opposite one another on a busy train, and when Spencer spots a breakthrough in the legal case Aaron is stuck on, they strike up an innocuous conversation that quickly stirs up feelings.

2.1k, fluff, meet-cute, train carriage au, lawyer!aaron, academic!spencer, shy spencer, firsts

All Roads Lead Home

Spencer’s working the Christmas Eve shift when a young boy with a hurt arm comes into the ER. Nothing out of the ordinary, except his rather flirty dad and leaving later with an extra phone number in his contacts list…

2.1k, fluff, hospital au, getting together, first date, gentleman!aaron, soft spencer

To Look on Tempests and Not Be Shaken

In the wake of a blazing row and an empty apartment, Aaron finds Spencer’s well-thumbed copy of Shakespeare’s sonnets and recalls the morning after their wedding, when Spencer sat on his lap and read Sonnet 116 to him. Suddenly, everything makes sense.

2.6k, angst with a happy ending, fighting and making up, married hotchreid, relationship dynamics, introspection, fluff

Derek x Spencer

Even More Beautiful

The BAU is stuck in Michigan with no case and no way home, so naturally, Spencer and Derek confess their love for one another. (Based on the prompt ‘You look even more beautiful covered in snow.’)

3.5k, fluff, love confessions, shy spencer, insecurity, hurt/comfort

⭐️Hear it in the Silence

A short, fluffy chronicle of Spencer realising in increments how in love with Derek he is, and navigating a real, beautifully sweet relationship that's not always smooth sailing, especially since he's been hurt before. (Based on Taylor Swift’s You are in Love.)

3.7k, angst, fluff, hurt/comfort, dev relationship, tw past abuse, domesticity

⭐️Still Left With the River

Derek wakes up to find his boyfriend crying on the sofa. Cue the hurt, the comfort, and the fluff.

1.6k, hurt/comfort, fluff, caretaker!derek, autistic spencer, crying, sad spencer

100

Spencer's an academic researcher who spends every morning at his local library. Derek just happens to drop by one Tuesday and ask the pretty boy in the classics section if he can help him find a book. Sparks fly.

2.1k, library au, fluff, meet-cute, pining, shy spencer, coming out

when I fall asleep (it is your eyes that I close)

Spencer’s not been sleeping, and as much as Derek adores his sleepy clinginess and physical affection, as soon as they get home he’s determined to get to the bottom of it.

1.9k, fluff, hurt/comfort, sleep-deprivation, clingy!spencer, physical affection, anxiety, cuddling

⭐️Trees and Seas Have Flown Away, I Call it Loving You

Derek says something hurtful, but it happens to lead to just about the best thing that’s ever happened to Spencer.

3.2k, hurt/comfort, fluff, angst, fighting/making up, angst with a happy ending, autistic spencer, coming out, getting together

⭐️A Christmas Like This

Spencer has a very specific plan for their first Christmas in their new house, and it has to be absolutely perfect. Derek’s going to do everything in his power to make his boyfriend as happy as possible, even if that means a house covered in garlands and a tree covered in animal skeletons…

2.9k, fluff, christmas fic, est relationship, neurodivergence, romance, domesticity, day in the life

Secret Santa

Penelope rigs the BAU’s Secret Santa game to finally get Derek and Spencer together with extraordinary success, and they have her to thank for their future first date. Oh, and a sprig of mistletoe nearly throws the whole thing out the window.

2.8k, fluff, getting together, insecurity/anxiety, christmas fic, first kiss, misunderstandings, friendship

⭐️A Chronicle of Loss

5 people Spencer Reid lost and 1 person he gained. A look at the traumas Spencer faces over the series, and giving him the happy ending he deserves.

3.6k, grief, loss, abandonment issues, insecurity, depression, hurt/comfort, angst with a happy ending, getting together, ‘didn’t know they were dating’, protective derek, autistic spencer

Mayhem

Imagine that scene in S4E1 when Derek is driving the ambulance loaded with a bomb about to explode, except it’s Spencer on the other end of the phone and they finally get their shit together.

4.2k, canon divergence, spencer is the tech analyst, getting together, mutual pining, insecure spencer, angst with a happy ending, fluff, declarations of love

⭐️my heart talks about nothing but you

Derek finds Spencer staring longingly at dancing newlyweds while on a case and once he gets to the bottom of why he’s tasked with making a proposal to a man who knows it’s coming special somehow. (He pulls it off.)

2.5k, established relationship, hurt/comfort, minor angst, fluff, relationship discussions, proposal, protective derek

I told the stars about you

Derek and Spencer have their first date. They dance to Frank Sinatra and cuddle in an ice cream parlour, before kissing the hell out of each other at Spencer's front door. That's pretty much it. (Prequel to above fic.)

2.1k, first date, first kiss, pure tooth-rotting fluff, dancing, flirting, protective derek

⭐️I can’t hold enough of you in my hands

Derek and Spencer are finally getting married and the rest of the BAU are there to help them through every step of the day. Including a little surprise that Derek has up his sleeve for their first dance. (Third part to the above two fics.)

3.1k, tooth-rotting fluff, marriage/wedding day, team as family, team dynamics, domesticity, paternal hotch, maternal alex, just a whole lotta love man

⭐️ dry me off and hold me close

Derek has finally relented and is bringing his boyfriend Spencer to meet the rest of the team. That means, though, he has to finally tell them about his boyfriend's disability. Terrified that they'll react badly, he puts it off until he can't anymore. Turns out he was worried for nothing

5.7k, so much fluff, protective derek, disabled spencer, caretaker derek, spencer is not in the bau, team as family, hurt/comfort, light angst, est. rel, chronic illness, slice of life: disabled edition

Honeysuckle

The BAU decide to head out for a picnic one summer afternoon, but they’re soon rudely interrupted by a bee sting and anaphylactic shock. Seeing Spencer carted off in an ambulance is not exactly how they expected the day to go.

2.3k, whump, angst, fluff, hurt/comfort, hurt spencer, friendship, medical conditions, severe allergic reactions

⭐️The Noiseless Crash of Crumbling Walls

After Derek and Spencer are paired up on a science project in their senior year of high school, they become the closest, most unlikely friends possible. But what happens when Derek finally finds out what Spencer's dealing with at home? Inspired by the prompt “where did you get those bruises?”

4.5k, high school au, hurt/comfort, fluff, angst, hurt spencer, protective derek, abuse, friendship, pre-slash, spencer just turned 16, derek is almost 18

Luke x Spencer

Start With This

Luke accidentally hurts Spencer because they are both hopelessly stupid, but when Spencer’s faced with a dangerous situation there’s nothing he wants more than Luke. Calling him turns out to be a very good decision.

3.9k, hurt/comfort, angst w a happy ending, fluff, getting together, misunderstandings

⭐️Foolishly, Completely Falling

Spencer declines to spend the night with Luke, but there’s a reason for that, and things start to click into place when Spencer shows back up at his doorstep at 2am, hours after being dropped home.

2.5k, hurt/comfort, fluff, angst, past toxic relationship, nightmares, est/dev relationship

You Said You’d Never Smile Again

“At one point, we had a conversation about how hard Spencer was finding life after prison and he told me that he didn’t think he’d ever smile again. And so, I made it my mission to prove Dr Spencer Reid wrong for the first time in his life.”

1.4k, weddings, tooth-rotting fluff, implied/referenced depression, post-prison spencer, insecure luke, found family

Emily x JJ

Don’t Be Scared, I Love You

JJ is shot and Emily's world stops spinning.

1.7k, whump, hurt/comfort, angst with a happy ending, fluff, protective emily

⭐️my pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand

Emily leaves. Her heart is breaking. JJ follows. Hers is waking up.

1.3k, angst with a happy ending, fluff, mutual pining, crying, first kiss

Emily x Reader

⭐️Night In/Night Out

Emily Prentiss is your girlfriend and she finally asks you to meet her family (the BAU): cue the fluff.

3.2k, fluff, flirting, cuddling, domesticity, protective emily, slight shy!reader

baby, you’re my new years’ eve

You and Emily are hosting a New Years' Eve party for all of your friends, but she's acting a little weird. You finally find out why when the clock strikes midnight.

3.6k, fluff, nye fic, proposal, getting engaged, domesticity, romance, flirting, day in the life

Gen

Pull Me Out of the Glowing Stream

Spencer develops bacterial meningitis and Hotch sort of forgets how to breathe.

3.8k, paternal!hotch, hurt/comfort, sickness, whump, fluff, happy ending

I found my way home

After Spencer tells Hotch about his recent autism diagnosis, he expects that to be the end of it. Somehow, though, it keeps coming up, and Hotch keeps proving himself to be the best father figure he could have asked for.

4.1k, autistic spencer, protective hotch, hurt/comfort, fluff, paternal hotch, team as family

⭐️The Colour of Waiting is Purple

Spencer's just trying to get home as quickly as possible when a bad decision to take a shortcut down a back alley leaves him broken and bleeding into the night. // Hotch thinks it's a new case when his phone rings at 3 in the morning. It isn't.

3.7k, whump, hurt/comfort, physical assault, major character injury, hospitals, dad hotch, hurt spencer, angst with a happy ending, eventual fluff

#my writing #criminal minds #criminal minds fic #spencer reid #aaron hotchner #hotchreid #derek morgan #moreid

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jlf23tumble · 3 years ago

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Would love to know your thoughts on grimmy x Harry. I think they were close friends who used to flirt a lot. I think at one point nick wanted them to be together. I think the fact that Harry is still closeted still bothers nick.

I disagree with your last statement times one THOUSAND, Nick has never EVER made any kind of indication that he'd even remotely do something as shitty as that, it's wildly against his character, and, in fact, he's done quite the opposite multiple times (like, in actual verifiable media, plus I'm sure he knows a lot more closeted people in the entertainment biz than Harry Styles, and I'd be highly surprised if he was suddenly unfriending them all at the level he unfriended Harry Styles). That's off the table completely for me--I see some truly horrific shit takes in this fandom, and that by far is one of the absolute worst, ugh. But since you asked, I *do* have other thoughts, and I think about them quite a bit, tbh, especially in the wake of this past week. I've had two drinks, so I'll actually share 'em on main, woo hoo! As I see it, there are a few options off the top of my head, and I have time for all of them, in any combination, feel free to share yours, assuming they aren't trying to paint Nick GRIMSHAW as a homophobe:

1. Harry's in an open relationship (in whatever way you want to view that), and Nick was part of it...on the day of the tree-climbing post (which is the last bit of public friendliness on Nick's side), Nick might have suggested he was ready for something more and/or Harry broke things off, heated words were exchanged, real hurt happened, Nick said enough, and then he moved on (and boy did he! he met Mesh in the world's best meet-cute story ever right after this and found what looks like solid happiness...Ralph has a timeline somewhere, but I couldn't find it, this is close).

2. RELATED: Harry and Nick were an exclusive item at some point and officially broke it off around the tree-climbing post, heated words were exchanged, etc. It seems kind of weird that Nick would instantly fall in love with someone else, like, later that week in this scenario, but it's possible! If you want to lose yourself in the gryles rabbithole, I'd start here. Or listen to all of those flirty BBC Radio 1 clips in full, don't just cherry pick 'em.

3. Nick and Harry never had a physical relationship, but Nick nursed a tremendous crush, actually admitted it (on or near the tree-climbing post day), and was turned down, heated words were exchanged, etc., and he was more than ready to move on to someone who loved him back. Nick seems to be the kind of person who makes a lot of room for a lot of friends, though, so a spurned crush seems like a reach, but yeah, still possible, I guess??

4. Nick really did NOT like what was happening with Fine Line (the album) and/or the promotion for it, and heated words were exchanged accordingly. This one lines up the most with the timing. Lily Allen's chat with Nick in September (one month after the tree-climbing post) is a big hint because at the time, you could have read Nick's snark as related to Louis or even Liam, but Harry's a strong contender, too, in hindsight. Once promo kicked off in earnest, Nick was pointedly either taking digs or handling it through omission, and Harry was steering far clear of his show. There was a slight getting together at the Brits in 2020 (right after Caroline's death), but other than that, literal radio silence...until last week. And the words in that message are mighty interesting, too, as was Nick's omitting of Harry in all kinds of places in the lead-up to his final show.

Whatever happened, it IS the most mightiest of interestingness that there are zero tabloid stories about them falling out. Nobody has seemingly picked it up, and it seems like such an obvious buzzy story the tabs would eat up (the only stories even remotely close to it are really recent, and they mention Harry's message, Nick officially saying he never dated Harry, but nothing about how they went from being tight to being something quite frosty, and they were REGULAR tabloid fixtures for years, which is kinda sus in and of itself). Molto curioso!

Oh, and because I can’t just leave it, one of the worst things I saw last week was how much this fandom likes to control its faves. Harry actually did say “I love you” in his message to Nick, and that bit got cut out of most transcripts and at least one audio clip by so-called update accounts...a fandom of literal babies, I can’t stress how much damage you do when you try to control the “narrative” lmao, you don’t own reality! God, it drives me fucking nuts.

#harry styles #i think ralph raised a really interesting point about the possibility of harry's rather sweet message having a bit of a point to it #he talks about how grimmy's show was a 'safe place' for him #but on the first album #nick was pretty open about how he'd have a hard time handling his reaction if he didn't like something #and he actually liked hs1 #maybe he didn't like hs2 #or some facet of its creation...sonically or its aspirations etc.#the negative space has been so telling #and whatever it is some very real pain not just a drifting apart #i'm sure it'll work itself out #but i'm glad nick has mesh!

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t100ficrecsblog · 4 years ago

Text

an interview with @easilydistractedbyfanfic (she/they)

what are you working on right now? I don’t typically take prompts, but after finding out about the Bellarke Writers For BLM Initiative and how their goal is to raise money for BLM via various fandom prompts that are requested by readers and written & illustrated by various writers and artists, I wanted to get involved. I’ve finished two prompts and am working on my third, which is a Murphy/Raven smutfic set during their years on the Ring. It’s definitely an idea I can work with - it’s over 10k at this point with a lot more to say, so hopefully the anon who requested it will end up pleased! Go check out the tumblr page and the ao3 collection - there’s various t100 pairings/ratings and you can choose the cause if you want to request a fic!

what is the fanwork you’re most proud of? I struggled with this question! My stories are all like my kids, and even if some of them could use a bit of improvement with pacing or dialogue or whatever faults I see when they age, ultimately I do love them all and I’m glad I wrote them. I do sometimes play favorites but that often depends on what I’m in the mood to read myself. That said, I really do always feel proud of my story called What You Need. It’s a darker version of Raven & Murphy, but one that I don’t find unrealistic under the circumstances of the fic. I surprised myself with where my head went on this one. In a good way, because it was really fascinating to dive into the minds of who these particular versions of the characters were.

I’m also pleased that I have over 500k on ao3 at this point. I never expected anything like this when I started writing, and it kind of blows my mind that this is my hobby now. It’s so strange to me that there are stories in my head at any given moment now.

why did you first start writing fic? I started writing in June 2018. Never wrote any fanfic before that, ever - though I did read plenty! I wrote three stories super fast, posted them all on ao3 on the same day and haven’t looked back. I think I started writing out of a combination of just really needing more content for my faves, but also I wasn’t in fandom before s5 and was quite desperate after s4 to talk to other people about Raven & Murphy. So I needed to get the stories out but also I had this hope that it would invite conversation when I didn’t know anyone in fandom.

what frustrates you most about fic writing? Just because I want to write doesn’t mean I can. Having prompts on my plate right now, I feel a real responsibility to finish them, but even when I carve time out to write, sometimes the words just don’t feel right. The muse doesn’t always strike when I have the time available. Also, it’s super ridiculously important to me that scenes and dialogue FEEL right based on the characterization I have in my head in any particular story. I can look at a scene I’ve written, especially an emotional one, and sometimes it’s just not resonating with me the way I know it could or should. It’s tough not to just push through and post it as-is, but I know that would never satisfy me, even if it means a much longer turn-around time on a story or chapter update. Often I will find that I get an a-ha moment that cracks open a better understanding of why a scene isn’t working for me, but this can take time and I have to trust in this process.

Not to preach, but it’s also frustrating when something you spend a lot of time and effort on doesn’t get much in the way of comments. I see posting fic on ao3 as a sort of conversation, so when there’s mostly silence even as the hits (and hopefully kudos) tick upwards, it can feel really...disheartening to feel like you’re talking into a void. And I say this as someone who has been fortunate enough to have regular readers who DO give feedback! I think every writer understands that they need to write for themselves first and foremost, but I wish more readers understood that feedback and enthusiasm will absolutely result in MORE CONTENT! I try very hard to follow this guideline myself by supporting and commenting on everything I read as time permits.

what are your top five songs right now? I listen to a huge mix of songs & my childhood influenced me a lot.

Some floating in my head include -

Chris Cornell’s live cover of Nothing Compares 2U Indigo Girls - Romeo & Juliet The Decemberists - Once In My Life Tori Amos - Silent All These Years The Chicks - March March

what are your inspirations (books, songs, other fic)? I find inspiration in a lot of things, which I think is lucky. One of my biggest is the characters themselves. I love getting deep into understanding who I think they are, what their motivations are and why they’d make certain decisions, whether in canon or in an AU. What parts of their personalities do they keep when they aren’t tortured and under trauma on the regular? What would happen if I change this one scenario in their lives? I could probably go on forever just based on these sorts of thoughts, but I do also find inspiration in simple things like tropes, or song lyrics and the lore of the show itself. Quite a lot of my ideas in my inspiration notebook have sci-fi themes too. A few of my stories have already touched on sci-fi topics, and I absolutely plan more of them because I love how creative that can be. I also love the idea of suspended belief - can I have sentient plant life from an alien planet that can mindread & communicate by projecting thoughts into characters' heads? Yes, yes I can! (I wrote this story, fyi - Flora Incognita, part of a series)

what attracts you to Murven? what first attracted you? Hey, do you have all day? Ha! Seriously, I could talk about this until everyone wants to strangle me! I loved Raven immediately - not so much Murphy! But I really disliked Finn, so ep 1x10 when Raven finally broke up with him had me interested. In that ep, you can see that Murphy is present, awake & nearby in the Dropship and probably overhears everything Raven says. Then he gets up and looks at her to make sure she’s still sleeping before he carries out his revenge plans. I’m not kidding - that one look absolutely and completely hooked me! Murphy was still awful then but he was so much more interesting than Finn, and back then I remember thinking how I’d really like to see them interact as two stubborn, strong personalities, because no doubt sparks would fly. And then when they did interact more, their dynamic was exactly what I’d hoped for and then some!

I love that they’ve seen each other at their worst and at their weakest and most vulnerable, yet they’ve built a strong foundation of trust, faith and understanding. They have so much in common but they’re also different sides of the coin in some ways too. Fandom talks about Bellarke being the head & the heart, but to me Raven and Murphy are the intellect & the instinct - they complement each other, provide some of the qualities that the other needs, their differences improve each other. For me, nobody gets Raven like Murphy & nobody understands Murphy like Raven. Maybe not a lot of people notice, but Raven & Murphy check in with each other a lot - Raven tends to say “I got this” but Murphy is the only person who replies to her “Do you?”. And Raven listens to Murphy’s ideas and suggestions and plans even when she’s known as the genius because she knows that he has valuable things to say. They have fun together, make each other smile and enjoy each other’s company, which is in such short supply in this show!

I know there’s parts of fandom that don’t ship them because Murphy shot Raven in s1. I have a lot of thoughts on it and have had quite a few tumblr posts about it. This is a fictional show - it does not reflect reality. I’ve been on the fringes of fandom for a long time and I know shipping doesn’t always mean yes, I want to see this relationship in real life. For me, I think it’s absolutely fascinating that someone Raven should hate has become one of her closest and most trusted friends. That she forgave him, and we as the audience get to see this dynamic change and grow, and that Murphy has always felt guilty about it even though he was being presented as selfish and out for himself - it’s such a huge, huge part of each of their character’s journeys. This is getting rather meta, but I don’t think either of these characters would have survived this long or evolved to the extent that they each have without specifically being around each other.

And I absolutely can not discuss my love for Raven & Murphy without mentioning the whole way these two LOOK at each other! OMG have you SEEN it?!?? How could I not ship them when they look at each other like that! LOL! Also, I want to keep talking about this but I’ll stop now because I truly could go on forever and anyone who follows me already knows I’m wordy.

BESIDES Murven, what’s your favorite ship in t100? Honestly, nothing else comes close to Murven for me, but I did like Kabby before the show just eviscerated their characters. I like the possibilities of Niytavia still. I can see why people ship Murphamy in the earlier seasons. Definitely think Echo/Roan could’ve been something intriguing. And I’ve got this weird thing going right now where I wouldn’t hate Murphy/Russheda, but admittedly that’s mostly about the aesthetic! I tried really hard to like other partners for Raven & Murphy since they’ve always been my faves, but I’ve been meh about all the possibilities except Luna as a partner for Raven or as a Luna/Raven/Murphy threesome. At some point I might write that. Otherwise I’d say I tend to like the friendships more than the ships.

what are some things you’d like to recommend? I always hesitate to recommend other stories & authors because I can’t stand the idea of people feeling left out if I forget to mention them! But I would like to say that I really and truly love my fellow Murven shippers who read & support my stories and who create content like fic and art and gifs and fanvids. I find so much inspiration in them even though sometimes I can’t get through 30 seconds of a fanvid before I have to pause it because the angst is too much for me!

Since you’re kind enough to ask me this question and maybe a few people will read this answer, please - I recommend that everyone educate themselves on social justice and climate change and Black Lives Matter and capitalism and unions and what intersectionality & solidarity truly mean! Vote like your lives depend on it because THEY DO!

ed’s note: compiled a few resources -Rebel Well: A Starter Survival Guide to Trumped America -Jacob and Al’s Intergalactic Intersectionality Adventure -Get involved in your local chapter of DSA -Join Your Local Mutual Aid Group -Keeping Yourself Safe Online In This Capitalistic Hellscape -Angela Davis’ book Are Prisons Obsolete? -Resource about defunding the police

You can find @easilydistractedbyfanfic here on Tumblr, on Twitter, and on AO3. You can also a request a fic written by her via @bellarkefic-for-blm!

#bellarkefic4blm #raven reyes #john murphy #murven #murven fanfiction #bellarkefics for blm interview

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yayninjabob · 4 years ago

Text

Update 1/20/21

It's been swell having my freedom again now that I'm covid-free. I'm not going anywhere or anything. But things like gardening in our backyard, taking my dog-kids Fable and Riot on walks, cuddling with my wifey on the sofa and watching netflix or whatever, and just being able to cook again for myself in the kitchen... I've missed all of it so much. So much in fact that I've been slacking on editing more than I should, whoops. SORRY, GUYS.

But I did finish up all my rewrites yesterday FINALLY so the new chapter is nearly done. All that's left is another swoop of editing and maayyyybee swapping out this one scene I have for another that I originally had planned for 13 instead. So give me a day or two to decide what feels best for the story while I start tinkering with 13 a bit.

So basically I'm stepping away from 12 today to work on the scene for 13. Depending on what I decide to do with that scene, I might finish chapter 12 tomorrow night after work, or I might need another day after that. But I don't think so. I'm already like 90 percent sure on what I'll probably end up doing lol. Just gotta write this up first to be sure and it will EASE my perfectionist mind. Once that's done, then it's final editing and formatting stuff which takes me usually a day or two.

Alright that's just a really wordy way to say I will have CHAPTER 12 up this SUNDAY, JANUARY 24TH. PROMISE GUYS.

I feel so bad it's been so long since our last update that I'll share one scene with you guys from 12. I mean, if you’re checking this blog you're probably looking for an update, right? Well for now, I hope a little sneak peek will suffice until Sunday.

Personally, I think it's kind of a cool sneaky peeky because honestly it doesn't really give away much of the plot of the chapter and still leaves the suspense of where we last left off pretty much. SO. If you wanna read a little bit of 12, here's scene #3 for you guys early. If you want to avoid it and remain pure, I’ll see you Sunday I guess lol.

Uh... heads up, it's got some gore lol. A creepy little horror comedy scene, really. One of my personal faves of the chapter, too. PLEASE ENJOY.

SNEAK PEEK: Chapter 12, Scene 3 under the cut....

scene 3

The green Powerpuff lay in the dark unable to sleep. Even though the teenager had turned out the light hours ago, there was no stopping the never ending loop of the night which still replayed over and over within the young hero's mind. Buttercup had done nothing but tossing and turning in an attempt to try and find rest that night, and had managed to kick away all of the bedding and sheets. Laying upon a bare mattress and still hopelessly waiting for sleep with eyes shut tight, there was a sudden faint knocking sound heard coming from within the bedroom.

Buttercup sat up in bed with a jolt the moment the sounds began in the dark. Immediately the Puff's emerald eyes fell on the door to the bedroom closet. The door to the closet was shut, but the noise was definitely coming from behind it. Buttercup watched the door intently, while silently and cautiously moving towards it. With super hearing activated, the Puff listened to the sound of something rustling about inside, and as the young hero crept closer and closer, there was a rotten, burning stench in the air. Buttercup reached for the closet door's handle and opened it.

"Where is it? Dude, it's gotta be somewhere around here!"

Buttercup blinked at the blood soaked kid for a moment before a look of annoyance came next. The sixteen-year-old Puff watched as the thirteen-year-old apparition dug around the heap of dirty laundry that littered the closet floor. The kid had her back turned as she knelt upon both knees over the large pile of laundry and searched frantically for something. Buttercup groaned, still holding the closet door open, "Oh no.... What are you doing here? Dude, really, I'm just trying to get some sleep tonight and you showing up now just isn't-"

"Where is it?!" the kid jumped onto their sandy wet sneakers and began to search the shelfing within the closet, "Where the fuck is it?!" As the thirteen-year-old removed an old snowglobe from the shelf and tossed it carelessly over her shoulder, Buttercup caught it and glared at her.

"Where's what?!" Buttercup snapped at herself.

The kid stopped suddenly and slowly glanced over her shoulder with her ghostly, opaque white right eye. "Where's the mask?"

"Oh," Buttercup's angry expression softened. "...It's... gone...."

"...Oh...."

"...Yeah...."

As Buttercup reached over her to return the snowglobe to its spot on the shelf, the kid turned round to face them. "Can't you get it back somehow?"

The green Puff sighed deeply and floated slowly back over to the bed, "Nah, Dude..." Buttercup reclined upon the bare mattress again, "I think... I think that shit's over now.... I mean, shit's getting pretty serious now that Mojo knows about us. I'm hoping it all works out tomorrow, and he's really not gonna make me do something fucked up in return for his silence, but... even if he does keep his word..." Buttercup shut both eyes and yawned, "It's just gettin' way too risky, Dude...."

"Huh..." the kid stood at the teenager's bedside, "I thought we were just startin' to have some real fun...."

Buttercup's eyes remained shut, hoping the illusion would go away soon. "It was fun while it lasted...."

"Sucks, Man.... Say, you got anything I can eat? I'm fucking starving, Dude-"

"Dude," Buttercup interrupted with annoyance, "Why are you here?" The green Puff sat up in bed once more and looked towards the kid and saw that she had made her way across the bedroom. The blood soaked child stood in front of Buttercup's dresser, staring at the pair of birds that sat within their cage. Her back was towards Buttercup, but Buttercup could see that the kid suddenly gripped something shiny in her right glowing green, acid burnt hand.

"Same reason I always drop by," the kid answered with her back still turned. The apparition turned her head slightly, and even in the dark Buttercup could make out the devious glint of a small, sly smile as she still gripped whatever was in her hand. "I'm here to help you out, you know... since you got nobody else, right?"

Buttercup continued to stare at the kid, but chose to remain silent. The green Puff watched as the illusion returned her attention to the birdcage, and with her left, seared bloody hand, she reached for the cage's small door and opened it. Both Snot and Pus instantly tried to dart away from the sizzling glowing green acid drenched palm that reached for them, but the kid easily managed to yank the fluttering green bird from the cage. Buttercup's eyes widened in shock as she watched the kid cut into the squirming, live bird with a shard of glass, slicing the helpless creature straight down the middle. His yellow companion fluttered about within the closed cage behind them, squawking loudly as the kid raised the green bird to her lips and began to slurp loudly.

All the green Puff could do was look on in stunned silence as the kid continued to suck the blood from the slowly dying bird. As many times as the green Puff had received a "visit" from their former, "dead" self, this sort of thing... was definitely new. As Buttercup continued to watch, the green Puff tried to keep in mind that what was being witnessed... could definitely not be happening.

The kid used her tattered black jacket's sleeve to wipe away the fresh blood-stache from her face, before turning to Buttercup. "Did ya want the other one?"

The green Puff shook their head.

"Suit yourself," the kid shrugged and tossed the dead green bird over her shoulder, before she repeated the same act with the yellow bird next.

Buttercup still could not look away. "Dude... what the actual fuck...?" Eventually, the Puff's green eyes drifted slowly back to wear the discarded dead green bird's drained body lay on the floor of the room. There was a gust of wind and Buttercup watched as the wooden floorboards of the bedroom and the dead bird began to blow away like strange particles of sand. The green Puff rose from the bed mattress as it next faded away into the dark atmosphere around them. "Ah, shit, no wonder..." Buttercup laughed a little nervously, "I'm dreaming...."

"We're dreaming," the kid added as she stood beside herself with a grin.

The green Puff glared briefly for a moment at the unwelcomed tag-along before looking around once more. The once empty black void that was the adolescent's default dreamscape had changed as of late. It was still a mostly desolate land, but no longer shrouded in total darkness. Now, the sky shook with thick, dark and thunderous clouds which boomed with a growing, green electricity inside them. The fiery green light that crackled within the black storm clouds illuminated the land with an eerie green glow. The earth was cracked and dry and as the storm ahead continued to boom above, the windy weather of the vast wasteland kicked up the sandy dirt around them.

"Well, whaddya know? Ya changed up the place, huh? I like it!" the kid grinned as she cupped one bloody beaten hand over her brow and looked about the dreamscape. The thirteen-year-old turned back around and saw that she had been left behind as the green Puff continued to float on ahead without her. "Yo! Wait up!"

The green Puff carried on without stopping, moving towards a large, distant shadow in the east. After several minutes, the kid managed to catch up, loudly wheezing and gasping for air as she tried to catch her breath beside the casual floating Powerpuff.

"Dude! I told ya to wait up!" she socked Buttercup on the shoulder with a bloody, bruised fist, "I don't have my ghost powers in this dream world!"

"What sorta sense does that make?"

"I dunno!" the kid threw up her hands, "You tell me!" the kid paused to cough a little, splattering the dirt with blood. She wiped at her mouth with her tattered sleeve, as she walked quickly beside the Powerpuff, "Here, I'm just like you were when Goody-Goody left ya behind on that island! Weak and human-y and useless and burning alive! You remember?"

The green Puff glared at the kid for a moment before muttering, "Yeah. I remember."

"So, where we goin' anyway?"

As the two approached a tall arched golden gateway, the green Puff stopped and turned towards the kid. "No way. You ain't comin' with me, alright? Why don't you run off somewhere else, and I dunno... play."

"Why?" the blood-soaked kid strained her eyes as she tried to peer through the thick golden bars of the gate. Besides only having one functioning eye, there was a dense mist in the air that made it difficult to see. "Where are we- Oh-" she stopped as her vision focused on a short redhead walking her pet Pomeranian through the garden. "Her?" the kid laughed a little, "Dude. What do you see in her, anyway? Like... do you like gettin' bossed around, or is it the big boobs, or-"

"Shut up," the green Puff rattled the gate a little to get the kid's attention once more, "Look," the skinny teen's scarred hands grasped the kid by her hooded jacket and spun her to her left, "Go that way, alright? You'll find Ace's place and have a good time."

"OK, cool!" the kid thankfully agreed, "Which building is it? That one or that one?"

"What are you talkin' about? There's only one other build-" the green Puff stopped mid sentence, noticing for the first time a tall silhouette in the distance.

The thirteen-year-old watched as the green Puff shot off for the tall structure with a flash of green light. "Shit!" she started to chase after on foot, "Wait up!"

As soon as the structure came clearer into focus, the flying teen halted mid-air, "The water tower...?"

For a while, the green Puff remained suspended in the sky, watching the tower intently from afar. As far as the hero could tell, there were no signs of anyone there, but the scene still felt too ominous. It was several minutes before the teenager worked up enough courage to continue forward.

Touching down on the metal landing of the water tower, the structure was so high up in the eerie green atmosphere that the darkened mist was especially thick and overpowering even for superpowered vision. The green Puff gulped nervously, walking cautiously around the platform, tense and ready for anything. Both green eyes glowed as they searched around the labyrinth of the thick metal beams that supported the tower's massive water tank. As the teenager reached the railing on the other side, far below could be heard the desperate wheezing and coughing of a struggling thirteen-year-old attempting to climb the tower's ladder.

"Oh, Man!" the kid shouted from below, "I don't think I'm gonna make it! Dude... a little help?!"

The teenager sighed before zipping downward to retrieve the kid from halfway down the ladder. The green Puff carried her back up to the metal landing and set her on her feet, but the kid instantly collapsed onto the floor, panting heavily from exhaustion.

"You know..." the wheezing thirteen-year-old spoke between hard breaths, "That's hard enough... without powers... but climbing really sucks... when your hands... practically have no skin..." she sat up and coughed as she struggled to climb back onto her feet. The kid stood silent for a while as she watched the green Puff continue to intently search around every metal beam of the platform. "So what's up?" the kid finally asked after a while. "What're you lookin' for?"

The green Puff came to the center of the landing, and turned to look back at the kid, wearing a somewhat disappointed frown. "Nothin', I guess."

#update #chapter 12 #the kid #sneek peek

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borisbubbles · 5 years ago

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20. SAN MARINO

Senhit - “Freaky!”

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Before we start, SORRY for not updating sooner. PED hit me sooner *and* harder than I anticipated and one of my tooth fillings dropped, so I’m currently on painkillers. Also the EBU’s online ‘replacement show’ for the first semifinal... :shudders:

However, allow me to bring some happiness into my life (and by proxy, yours), by discussing the one, the only, the true 2020 Queen of EuroTRASH....

...

... Samanta Tina, in a few updates. 🤭

Until then, let’s dish on Senhit.

Entry Analysis.

Hang on. Senhit you say? THIS SENHIT?

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Yes, I am FOREMOST cuckoo-completely for the fact that SRMTV dug up this haggard frump from her crypt and forced her to do Eurovision simply because they had no other options <3 (and also because they had an Azerbaijani hand-me-down more on that in NF Corner). I always liked Senile Drunk Auntie Senit more than probably should (yes, “Stand by” is boring but 2011 is a dungheap, LET ME HAVE MY RANDOM FAVES OKAY)

Second of all, the accompanying transformation of Senit into SenHIT. We went from this:

to this?

LIFE IS GOOD WHEN YOU’RE IN A FREAKING(!) MIDLIFE CRISIS.

Holy shit, what a transformation into... idek what to describe FREAKY!’s video clip as? A neo-neon-nightmare, featuring aggressively sexual grinding by Senhit, inflicted upon half-naked men in a setting that borrow heavily from Hatari’s BDSM couture? It’s fucking BONKERS.

May I also remind you that Senhit is EVEN OLDER THAN *BICENTANNIAL WOMAN TAMTARATAM* and despite this she manages to sell her sexual aggression as a something *FUNNY* without making herself look like a desperate tart? HER POWER. 😍

I also have to mention the fucking MARKETING campaign that accompanied this mad, menopausal circus of bad taste. You diehards probably noticed the San Marino 2021 mugs (those HIDEOUS teal/pink/sand coloured mugs <3) like I did and like me probably thought it was an elaborate hoax? Turn out... it somehow *wasn’t* a hoax and you could order them on Senhit’s personal website??? WHAT??? Btw, forget about the mugs, how about PERSONALIZED CONDOMS?

SOLD OUT lmfao <3 Bet most Senhit fans never actually used a condom before <3

All of this hogwash for a song that can best be described as an irrideemable pile of disco dreck. 😍 God I was SO on board with UNIRONICALLY stanning San Marino for once. #YesWeSen.

and... then Eurovision 2020 was taken away from me, you and Senhit, and my appreciation towards her quickly dried up before it could settle as unironic stanning.😬 Sigh. BUT WORRY NOT QUEEN’S GOT YOU COVERED.

NF Corner

Oh my fucking god, yes, the codswallop that was “Digital Battle Eurovision”. So, after months of silence (other than Senhit nasically spoiling her participation on social media, which no one really took seriously because come on, it’s Senhit) San Marino held something that was supposed to pass as a “national final” and it’s the shoddiest thing I’ve ever seen in the 8 years I’ve been following the preshow <3

Okay so... This is where Azerbaijan come in. You may not know this yet, but “Cleopatra” by Efendi was, at some point during development, given to San Marino. I’m not sure about the exact details, but from what I heard and assumed, Azer’s broadcaster Ichtimai decided they didn’t need “Cleopatra”, so they gave the demo to San Marino, who then recruited Senhit to sing it in. Sounds like fan fiction and fortunately for us the recordings have made they way to the yubtubs so I can prove you it is gospel. Observe:

Senhit - “Cleopatra”

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YES QUEEN OF THE GAYS <3 (lol I should keep my opinions on Efendi’s Cleopatra hidden for now, but spoilers I am going to fucking RIP that crock of shit to shreds once I get there).

So anyway, at *SOME* point after giving “Cleopatra” to the San Marinese, Ichtimai must’ve decided that “nope, Cleopatra will be OUR entry, thx” and punted Senhit out of her glorious pseudo-historical trash anthem (more on that too when I rank Azerbaijan), a WEEK before the deadline, (😂🤣) which of course meant that San Marino had to *improvize*. 😅

Enter: a ramshackle SING-OFF between two songs, deadline ON THE MORNING OF THE DELEGATION MEETING. 🤣. Your choices:

SONG #1 A trashy disco song that never would have stood a prayer at Eurovision and would’ve been a disaster in every universe, especially *and* including our own, but was complete lip service towards any vocal Stan Marino.

SONG #2 The English translation of a competent, but somewhat tepid electropop song that Senhit had released in Italian in September, mere days after the 2020 season had started. Good, but nothing too exciting.

Senhit - Obsessed

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And honestly, it seemed clear that FREAKY! would win from second one? It seemed like the clear follow-up to Serhat (sorta?), a perfect fan service song to keep the balding gays busy so they don’t pick up their phones and vote for boring shit such as Gjon’s Tears. However, when FREAKY! won it was revealed it had only won by a TINY margin over Obsessed anyway. What the FUCK was this year honestly and why does NONE of it make sense.

San Marino 2020 & San Marino 2021

I mean... yes, the second semifinal was compiled of a series of oozing trashheaps and boring smug, and yes, both demographs would provide qualifiers and no, Senhit *never* would’ve been one of them, being stuck in the first half.

It would seem as if “FREAKY!” was a worthy successor to “Say na na na”, but I don’t think that comparison really works. The only things those two songs have in common is their camp and their singer’s inability to sing (lol have I ever said a positive thing about Serhat, ever, in print? I should counteract that by saying something kind: Serhat is very good at... um... being a dentist. 🙂)

However, “Say na na na” also had a universally positive message, even if it adhered the tried-and-true “BELIEVE IN YOURSELF IF YOU DO THIS BANALE THING” cliché.” FREAKY!” literally is a hodgepodge of acid trippy menopausal nonsense, which I personal find more endearing, but Europe would swiftly whisk towards the rubbish bin for being bad and female. C’est la vie.

Nada on 2021 yet and given how desperate and scarce with information San Marino are, I expect no news until the literal last minute. I personally wouldn’t be too surprised if they withdrew, but eh, I wouldn’t lose sleep over it. As long as we have Samanta Demon to cover our trip-hop-trash needs, I couldn’t rly care less about San Marino.

FREAKY! FRIDAY! FACTOR!

I mean, even if you had *any* doubts how well Senhit would score in the category I named after her, let me recap

- San Marino recruited a random-ass-returnee nobody really asked for. - They initially gave her an Azeri hand-me-down trashpop song about a Macedonian-Greek pharaoh - Azerbaijan then took BACK said hand-me-down trashpop song and made it their entry - Which forced San Marino to flimsily put together a last-minute digital NF where you could decide which of these two HOPELESS songs would facilitate their NQ - The deadline of which was set *ON THE MORNING OF THE DELEGATION MEETING IN ROTTERDAM* (aka the literal submissions deadline) - The obvious winner *almost* lost the vote everyone expected them to win (again!) - and of course: the video clip, the website, the emails, the slogans, the CONDOMS. This is honestly what FREAKY! FRIDAY! FACTORS! are made for. Happily take away the first (but not last) perfect score, queen.

Score: 5 Senhits out of 5.

#Eurovision #Eurivision Song Contest #Eurovision 2020 #San Marino #Senhit #FREAKY!#freaky

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coffeeandcalligraphy · 5 years ago

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Teeth Marks, Empty Nest, Picking Ritual | Writing Update

Hey People of Earth!

It’s been a hot minute since I last wrote a Moth Work writing update, and so here we are again for the final countdown! Today’s post will be covering everything related to chapter 12, 13, and 14. Let’s start with Teeth Marks, which I wrote probably sometime in February.

Teeth Marks marks the third part of Moth Work, called Wings, and the first chapter back in Harrison’s POV. I honestly can’t remember much of the writing process as it’s been a while, so let’s dive straight into the scene breakdown!

Scene A:

We start in the doorway of Eliza’s apartment where Harrison stands shook because a) his boi Lonan has answered it (scandal) and his mother, who he has been estranged from for the last four years, is also in this apartment (EXTRA scandal). Eliza ushers Harrison inside (and this is probably the only *nice* interaction they ever have, spoiler alert!)

Harrison is very shook, and also a little angry, and also a little confused! He doesn’t know why his mother is here, and doesn't understand why Lonan wouldn’t contact him to tell him she is here.

Him and Eliza get into a bit of a scuffle where Eliza is protective of Lonan and is like “who are you mate” and Harrison’s like hahahHA pardON. This leads to Lonan kicking them both out even tho this ain’t even his house!

Scene B:

We now move to the stairwell right outside Eliza’s apartment where she and Harrison have been sitting in awkward silence! Harrison notices she’s wearing his guardian angel necklace (which Lonan mistakenly took back in chapter 6).

This scene is instrumental in setting up how these two interact, which in short, is not! fun! for! either! They try to be civil but can’t help but be protective over Lonan for different reasons. Eliza because they are now sort of in a relationship, and Harrison because hahaha he’s been there, and also because Eliza is Lonan’s father’s ex! Why!

Lonan interrupts this conversation and him and Harrison have a lil private moment even tho Eliza is standing right there aahaha. Eliza leaves which prompts Lonan to go after her, and we end with Harrison all alone in the stairwell like a proper sad boi.

Excerpts:

I previously wrote some mean things about this chapter and am editing it out cuz we tryna be positive! Here’s some tender romance because why not! For context, Harrison has asked Eliza how much she knows about the nature of the boys’ relationship (she knows nothing!!)

He could tell her the truth. About the polaroids left back in Boston. What it felt like to kiss him underwater. What it felt like to dance with him, his clumsy instep. What it felt like to trace each notch of his ribs in the off moments he’d sleep and how wonderful it was, to touch the places his hunger would go.

Some more romance because yesss:

He pretends they’re alone at the cabin, somewhere on the water, sharing a sleeve of crackers, looking at the moon like it’s the other’s iris, somewhere where constellations read less like hieroglyphics and more like sonnets.

Let us move onto chapter 13, Empty Nest!

Scene A:

Harrison sits alone at the dinner table watching a TV show in a language he doesn’t speak. His mother interrupts this *chillin* and they get into a heated conversation.

This ends badly for Harrison, to which Lonan (who is presumably arguing with Eliza in her bedroom) comforts him and yeets the two of them outta that apartment! Knight in shining armour babyyyy

Scene B:

Lonan takes Harrison to chapter nine’s beautiful place (the cove).

They chat about their (fallen) relationship and Lonan + Eliza’s relationship that is apparently now flourishing (hahah it actually isn’t)

This turns romantical very fast!!! I am guilty of self-indulgence!!

Excerpts:

EDIT: I originally had an edit in here saying I didn’t have the mental spoons to edit this chapter which is why I wouldn’t share a lot of excerpts! This was very true haha, as I was amidst the worst mental health week I’ve had in years, but guess! who! tried! to! edit! anyway! This obviously was not the best idea and I pushed myself too hard. This led to me doing some crying and beyond that, a decision to take a few days off of writing (despite the fact that I didn’t want to). I’m feeling great now which I’m so grateful for, but just a note! Anyhow!!

This excerpt makes me laugh because it gives me “lonely man sitting on his porch in the prairies” vibe:

No one eats together. Lonan and Suzanna have already taken their pick, and Eliza eats in her room. Harrison hasn’t seen Lonan since he followed Eliza’s empty trail back into the apartment, and he hears him now, between the drone of infomercials and advertisements on the Spanish TV station he doesn’t even understand. Coming from her room, he can picture him, the way Lonan argues, competitive like he’s trying to win something. Suzanna sits on the balcony, maybe hiding a smoke, or something more ridiculous, new age, like an essential oil pen. Ribbons of grey luminescing in the neon lights. Maybe it’s more accurate to say Harrison eats alone.

This is the excerpt that I had a breakdown editing lmaooo I think it’s cute tho!!

Somewhere better is a beach. Hidden in a cove, the stones arched over seafoam. In the moonlight, sand glitters, water trills, a night owl in the distance wails. Lonan leads him to the cove’s heart, a bullet of clearing that reveals constellations neither recognize. Lonan’s brought a basket with him, unfolds the checked blanket across the shore. Harrison sits first, and observes as Lonan travels the cove’s perimeter, collecting driftwood as he goes. He stacks them into a pyramid at the shore’s lip, pulls out a lighter.

He starts the fire easily, cups the flame like it’s a jittering organism, coaxes it until it expands. The flame tints his jaw gold, glares in his eyes so they look like blue fire. The night halos around Lonan, burnishes the cove walls, turns the sand into a mirage. As Lonan nurses the fire, Harrison traces his face, the violet impasto around his eye. Lonan has always looked like a masterpiece to him, damp black hair that almost looks navy blue, a smile so subtle, it’s almost acquired. He holds the fire so it toasts his chin, his focus a delicate, paternal thing.

Picking Ritual is chapter 14 of the book! I wrote this during reading break, and it’s one of my faves a) because of the title and b) because Harrison and Eliza FIGHT (I’m here for the tea).

Scene A:

Lonan and Harrison get back from their self-care-gone-romantical escapade to drunk Eliza creepily sitting in the dark!! Harrison’s mother has left, which Eliza uses as cruel ammo (don’t we love her)!

This is where we really get to see Eliza’s other side as she gets gaslighty as a response to Harrison’s very true callouts

Scene B:

Later, Eliza may or may not purposefully leave her bedroom door open while mildly unholy matters occur that’s all I’m gonna say about that!!!

Scene C:

Eliza leaves her room to “get some orange juice” (she’s trying to get a rise out of Harrison, which works). They roast each other endlessly until Harrison asks her to play a game with him.

Scene D:

This game is a game of cards, which is actually Harrison choosing four cards (king of spades = Lonan’s father, queen of hearts = Eliza, the joker = Lonan, and a jack = Harrison) so he can learn more about each one he chooses for her.

This is where the chapter title comes from!

Excerpts:

The following is a self-roast because my house does all the following (besides magnets on ALL four corners of dishcloths, there’s currently just one. ;) Lonan in this scene is Fiona in that scene in Shrek 2 where Shrek and King Harold are arguing over dinner (CW: there’s a description here that could be potentially triggering for self-harm!).

Suzanna is gone when they get back to Eliza’s apartment. No jacket on the coat hook. No shoes on Eliza’s straw-woven welcome mat. The kitchen has been picked over, each plate, fork, back in its strangely correct place. Eliza keeps her cutlery in jars, and her pans in the oven, her dish cloths magnetted to the fridge by all four corners, a pristineness that feels chemical.

Just as he’s about to comment on it, a light from the living area flicks on, and underneath sits Eliza, paging through a book in the dark. Spots like wine stains on her cheeks shine glassy under the harsh lightbulb.

“She has a place twenty minutes from here. By the public gardens,” she says, running her fingernail against the ribbed spine of the hardcover. Harrison can’t make out the title. When he stares blankly at her, examining the patches on her skin until he’s memorized of their surface area, she clears her throat and shuts the book. “Your mother?”

“I know,” he says.

“That your mother has a place twenty minutes from here?”

“That you were referring to my mother.”

“So you didn’t know?”

ugh I love Harrison and Eliza arguing it’s my fave dynamic:

Eliza stands, and smooths the silk of her night dress, though one crease continues to bunch. She folds her hand into a fist, and brings it to her mouth, biting on her knuckles as she paces. Harrison and Lonan watch her, and Lonan’s about to step toward her when she nods and directs her gaze straight at Harrison. “Did that upset you?” she asks, peeling a sliver of skin up between her teeth, letting it snap back. “The way I spoke of your mother.”

“I don’t care about anything you have to say.”

Oof oof tensions be RISING:

Lonan knocks on Eliza’s door a half hour later and doesn’t come back out. Harrison watches the shut door like he can break through it from the couch, how heavy it sits in its frame like they’ve taken turns smearing caulking in its seams.

The nightglow decolours his chin, his eyes, and he stares at the stars as he did an hour ago with Lonan. He touches his lips, hoping something divine will reappear on his fingers, something divine enough to anoint himself with. Nothing does, of course, but he tries, dappling each groove of his mouth.

Here’s some Eliza being Eliza :)

He should tell her to buy some curtains. The sliding door’s glass opens to her balcony where his mother stood, pouring onto the busy street below her apartment complex. He can almost perfectly replicate the image of his mother with just his fingertip, a familiarity of her unknown, but unconsciously memorized by him. Suzanna has traded her only pair of shoes—a dingy set of floral flip-flops—for boots with silver zippers, steel toes, heels perfected by a designer she has a connection to. He thinks of his mother with sour precision, a sugary glumness that makes his mouth heavy.

He still wears the angel Lonan re-fastened around his neck and examines it against the belly of the two-seater Lonan once slept on.

She’s lost a stone from where he threw it, almost unnoticeably in the corner where her wings meet her back. He runs his finger over the empty spot, a nearly undetectable groove, and wonders how difficult it would be to find it in the tooth of Eliza’s hardwood.

Just as he’s prepared to get up and find out, the heavy door jars open. Wider than he’s expecting, so he can see Lonan from the couch. Arranged against a pillow, his hair disappearing into the dark wood of Eliza’s bedhead. His eyes closed, a tremor that rocks through his forehead every few seconds. And then quickly, Eliza shuffling through the opening. She wears a kimono patterned with koi fish, the fabric rustling against her bare thighs as she enters the kitchen.

Harrison watches her through his eyelashes, her half-up hairdo falling toward her face, the flash of skin pale, like the peel of the moon.

She grabs a glass he washed and fills it from the sink. Once a bulb forms across the surface, she tips it to her lips, and swallows deliberately.

Harrison watches as she checks the sink for unwashed dishes she knows aren’t there. As she adjusts a placement on her table that doesn’t need adjusting. As she spins herself on her toes around the kitchen island, her kimono splaying so he sees flashes of her thighs again. She dances like this back to her bedroom, where she sets her water glass on the dresser, and keeps the door wide open.

I can’t not share this part I apologize there is some spice but also Harrison’s iconic Gay (TM) takedown at the end brings me so much joy:

Eliza exits the room a half hour later, except this time, doesn’t dance. Still, she steps carefully, her toes taut as she patters against the floorboards. Harrison watches her with his arms crossed, and stays like that, even when they make eye contact.

She startles and re-adjusts her kimono, so the clip of her skin disappears. She’s combed her hair since she and Lonan finished, and it sits gauzy over her forehead.

“Have you ever thought of buying a deadbolt?” he says, watching carefully as she turns and grabs a glass from a cabinet.

The refrigerator thrills when she opens it, a wash of gaudy tungsten yellowing her face. She sucks on her lip as she pulls out a bottle of orange juice, glugging a cupful into her mouth first, and then into a glass.

“A deadbolt,” she says, a lightness in her voice—false innocence. “Why?”

“I’ve heard good things. Security. Privacy. You live alone, don’t you?”

She juts the orange juice to her lip fast, her chin bucking like she’s taking a shot. “I do.”

“You’re planning on keeping it that way?”

Eliza drains the last of the orange juice and rests the glass in the sink. She flicks on the tap so a stream splashes into its mouth like somersaults, diluting the juice until the glass cleans.

“There must be someone,” Harrison elaborates. He shifts, so his legs hang off the couch’s edge. The hardwood is cold, and for a moment, he feels like he’s stepping on water. “You’re seeing people, aren’t you? You live in Las Vegas. Good job. Decent apartment.”

Eliza shakes off the wet glass and sets it on the drying rack. “Are you interested?”

“I’m gay, but thanks. How does that work, anyway? Dating you. Would I send in an application? Self-addressed stamped envelope and all? Email?”

ugh more iconic Harrison I love him:

Harrison’s eyes focus on the lip balm and he imagines Lonan putting it there, his finger moving across her mouth and then down, like an anointment. “Isn’t that such a coincidence, then? You’re so selective, yet you manage to date two members of the same family.”

Her smile fades. Eliza clucks her tongue and wipes her mouth quickly with the back of her hand. Thoughtlessly, she refills the clean glass with more orange juice, and only realizes her mistake after the liquid sits precisely at the rim of the cup.

“Shit,” she says, wringing her hand out. “Shit.”

“I’ll drink it,” he says, and is already up and at the kitchen island before she puts another hand on the glass. Eliza almost scowls, but chews on her gums when she catches herself. She slides the glass across the granite, and a blip of orange juice jitters onto the surface. Harrison dabs his pinky in it and sucks it into his mouth. “I want to ask you a favour.”

“I’m not doing anything for you.”

He puts a hand against the fridge before she can move past him, and Eliza sighs, weaves her arms haughtily over her chest. “Cards.” The fridge rumbles to life under his fingertips, and Eliza jumps. “Play a game with me,” he says.

Sharing because of Harrison’s roast at the end, it’s really just one of those days:

Eliza’s a good shuffler. Easily, she dices the cards, the hard split of their edges when he usually shuffles almost non-existent. He’s only ever met one other person who can shuffle like her—his mother.

Harrison sips the orange juice as she shuffles the deck. In all truth, he doesn’t need the cards to be shuffled—he knows exactly which ones he needs. But her ease intrigues him, and he can’t help but feel mesmerized with each flitter of the deck.

“Where did you learn how to do that?” he asks after another long pull of juice.

She cuts the deck and continues. “My father.”

“I didn’t know you had parents.”

“I didn’t know your mother had children.”

“I don’t think she knows either.”

Eliza rests the shuffled deck onto the countertop and nudges it toward him. He hasn’t told her what game they’re going to play, and as Harrison searches for his necessary cards, the prickle of her gaze deadens. He keeps at task, combing each card and pulling out the needed.

“I would’ve liked to know.” Eliza says this nimbly. “You look like her.”

Another pick. “Every son wants to look like their mother. What a dream.”

“I meant that as a good thing.”

“And I meant what I said as a bad thing.”

What a way to end this update lol!

I’ll be back soon with an update for the final chapter in this book! I hope y’all have been okay in these times, I know it’s not easy. Let me know what you’re working on!

--Rachel

#writing #amwriting #writeblr #writerblr #writingupdates #mothwork #fostered

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orangeflavoryawp · 5 years ago

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Jonsa - “A Violence Done Most Kindly”, Part 2

I just couldn’t leave you guys with a solo chapter so I’ve upped the ante in this next one. ;) Expect future updates to be between one and two weeks, though.

Also, keep in mind that this fic is Stark-centric, and the plotlines I'm following won't necessitate the inclusion of certain characters, even ones I love. So don't be surprised if some of your faves don't make an appearance. This ensemble piece can only ensemble so much without losing cohesiveness.

“A Violence Done Most Kindly”

Chapter Two: Don’t Look Away

“She has had enough of men playing to roles they haven't the right to fill." - Jon and Sansa. Stark is a house of many winters.

Read it on Ao3 here.

Part 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 fin

* * *

“My lady, if I may,” Baelish calls to her, catching her after a council meeting, halting her in the hall to her chambers.

Sansa stills reluctantly, nodding to Brienne when she eyes the Lord Protector warily.

“Was there something we missed in the meeting, my lord?”

Baelish makes his way up to her, a smile just this side of a grimace gracing his features. “I had hoped to speak with you outside the council meeting.”

“We’re speaking now,” she grants him, and grants nothing else.

Baelish glances to Brienne at her side, eyeing the way she keeps a perpetual hold on the hilt of her sword. Sansa wonders wildly if he remembers that day, so long ago.

“What if I want you to die, here and now?”

“Privately, if you please, my lady,” he says, head inclined in deference.

Sansa watches him for just a moment, contemplating, and then she’s nodding to Brienne, continuing the walk to her chambers where she invites Baelish inside, and Brienne stands guard dutifully by the door, though not without a last lingering look of concern. Sansa offers her a small smile of reassurance before closing the door behind her.

“I do wish to grant you what time you need to reacquaint yourself with your long-lost sister, unrecognizable though she may be,” Baelish starts, puffing his chest out with the words as he takes in her solar, “But I do hope you haven’t forgotten that there is a conversation to be had between us now, especially so because your brother has gained yet another supporter in your sister.” He turns back to her with something like self-satisfaction – keen and impossible to miss.

She begins to remove her gloves. “I have not forgotten.”

“Good.” A step toward her.

Sansa drops her gloves to the desk beside her. “Nor have I forgotten your warnings.”

A gleam lights in his eye, perhaps pride (though it is only a vague measure she can discern), or perhaps simply greed. She is disappointed with herself for not having the skill to distinguish them yet at this point.

“My dear Sansa,” he begins, already edging toward her, and it is an endearment that sets her skin to tingling, the base of her spine slipping into a rigidity quite like a familiar armor.

His hands light along her shoulders. She wonders when his attentions and his affectations turned from fatherly to that of a lover. It isn’t in the motions themselves, the touches, the caresses. It’s in the way he looks at her all the while, the words he spews when he touches her so.

And she has had enough of men playing to roles they haven’t the right to fill.

“Did you interpret our last conversation as a warning?” he asks curiously, a false touch of concern lighting his voice.

She knows better than to answer such a question truthfully.

His fingers curl around her arms, drawing her closer to him. “Oh Sansa, you must know I never meant it as such.”

“I know very little, Lord Baelish, where it concerns you.” She allows herself this small honesty. Truth can sometimes tempt the best of them.

The self-satisfied grin that tugs at his lips makes her quiver, though she tempers the reaction before he can register it. “I’ve been rather transparent with my desires, Sansa, wouldn’t you say?”

She only looks at him, unblinking.

“As transparent as the King, I would wager.”

Sansa’s eyes narrow instantly, her shoulders stiffening.

Baelish keeps one hand curled tight around her elbow, anchoring her to him, his other lifting to trace her cheek. “You’re much too smart to think you can play such a game under my nose without me catching wind of it.”

She gulps, lips pursed, offering no rebuke, but no admission either. Her skin feels hot – blistering and not her own. “I’m not playing at anything.”

“Yes, perhaps that’s the tragedy of it,” he muses, a mockingly smooth finger edging the length of her jaw. “Tell me, Sansa, how long did you let your bastard brother beg before you finally spread your legs for him?” Sansa jerks back, but he holds her tight, far tighter than he’s ever dared to touch her before, and something flashes in his eyes that looks dangerously like possessiveness.

“You will unhand me, Lord Baelish,” she grinds out.

He only grips her tighter, bruisingly so, hand clutching at her jaw now, mouth hovering close to hers, a hiss seethed through his teeth. “Or are you the one who does the begging?” he murmurs, eyes fixed to her mouth, brows angled down sharply in an anger she recognizes all too easily.

Joffrey had that kind of anger. Ramsay, too.

“Not the sort of boy who gives away his toys.”

“I said ‘unhand me’, sir.” It’s a command now, a wolfish sort of thing snarled through grit teeth.

“I wonder what it took to hear such begging,” he croons at her mouth, dark and promising, ignoring her protest.

“If you want to keep that hand,” a voice says smoothly from behind them, jolting them apart, “then you’ll remove it from my sister.”

Sansa whips her head to the far corner of her room, watching as Arya materializes from the shadows.

Baelish clears his throat, backing from Sansa almost unconsciously, his hands blessedly free of her.

“Arya, what are you doing here?” Sansa hisses at her, breathing heavily, hands curling at her sides until her nails press half-moons into her palms.

Arya swings her steady gaze toward her, cocking a brow. “Minding snakes, it seems.”

Sansa bristles at the answer.

Baelish collects himself easily, stepping toward Arya. “My lady, if you would only – ”

“I’m not your lady,” she answers swiftly, gaze cutting back to his. “And neither is my sister.”

He swallows, chin lifting. “This was a private conversation you intruded on, Lady Arya.”

“Yes, and all the more shame that it’s now made public. But don’t let that stop you. Please, do continue.” Arya motions toward Sansa with a daring scorn.

Baelish looks between the two. Sansa never takes her eyes off her sister.

“Arya, you need to leave.”

Arya glares at her, but then she’s looking back at Baelish, taking a step, and then another, making her way smoothly toward him until she’s standing just a foot away, head cocking as she looks up at him. “I only ever make threats I intend to follow through,” she tells him, dark grey eyes wide and unblinking, harrowing in their intensity.

Baelish stares back at her, riveted. His throat bobs uncertainly.

Sansa sucks a sharp breath through her teeth. “Arya.”

And then the younger Stark is offering Baelish a mocking smile, a false comfort beneath her deadly gaze. “My list isn’t so long that it can’t fit another name,”

Baelish furrows his brows, uncomprehending, but she doesn’t wait for a response, stalking away from him to stand beside her sister.

Several moments pass in silence, and then Baelish smooths his hands over his robe, clearing his throat. “Well then,” he begins.

“Well then,” Arya says almost smugly, hands linked behind her back.

Baelish levels her with a steady stare, before looking up to Sansa. That anger is back, brimming just beneath a still, composed surface. Its sourness is no less visceral, even with her sister at her side, and Sansa thinks this must be how poison works – slow and unseen.

“I bid you good evening, ladies,” he says in farewell, before stalking to the door, unlatching it, and slamming it behind him.

Sansa takes a long, solid breath, hands finally uncurling at her sides. She glances down to Arya. Her sister is staring up at her, lip curled, a sneer playing at her features.

“You’re being reckless,” Sansa throws out on a harsh exhale, shaking with it, and shaking with more.

Arya schools her face back to passiveness, making her way to the door as well. “And you’re being stupid.” She says it with no remorse, and Sansa didn’t think it’d hurt quite so much to hear the familiar words again after so many years.

But Arya leaves without saying more, and Sansa’s word of thanks is lodged somewhere between her barren tongue and her clenched teeth, as sour as Baelish’s anger had been.

* * *

“Littlefinger will make his move before long. Arya’s seen to that,” Sansa huffs reluctantly, glancing toward her younger sister as they sit gathered in her solar.

Jon sighs, leaning his elbows over his knees. “We can’t afford this – not now.”

Arya doesn’t look the slightest remorseful. “He threatened Sansa.”

Jon straightens at this.

“Arya,” Sansa hisses. “That’s not what happened.”

Arya lifts a brow her way. “That’s exactly what happened, even if he didn’t say it in so many words.”

Jon opens his mouth to press further, but then Arya is scoffing, arms crossing over her chest. Her words still him. “You leave yourself too open to threats, Sansa. Too open… in other ways, as well.” Arya slips a look of accusation toward Jon out of the corner of her eye.

The bile is ripe on his tongue – sharp and pungent. Just like the anger.

“Arya, that’s enough,” he bites out warningly, purposely not looking at Sansa’s suddenly wet eyes, her jutting chin, her stiff, yet trembling hands bunched in her lap.

Arya rolls incredulous eyes his way. “You’re both fools. You’re both foul, selfish fools,” she seethes. Her arms tighten over her chest, her jaw locking tight, like collaring a wolf. Like leashing anguish. “And you’ll be the end of us.”

“I wasn’t the one who threatened the Lord Protector of the Vale,” Sansa snaps meaningfully.

Arya’s face hardens, her throat flexing. “Should I have let you be, then?” Her voice is impossibly soft. “Should I have let him touch you?”

A flare of possession streaks through Jon – white-hot and instant – but it’s dampened by the look upon Sansa’s face. It’s a look he’s never seen before, all at once guilty and pleading and proud.

“They’re our family,” Bran says from his quiet place beside the hearth, nearly forgotten in the sudden vitriol splashed across the room.

Arya spares him a glare as well. “I know that, Bran. And that’s what makes it all the worse.”

Jon clamps down on the spiteful rush that floods him. She is his sister, after all, and gods, does he miss her. But this is not what he wanted. “Only the pack survives, Arya. We have to – ”

“Don’t you dare use Father’s words after fucking his daughter beneath this very roof,” she spits.

The scrape of Sansa’s chair is jarringly loud in the sudden quiet, and Jon can do nothing but watch her stalk to the window, his knuckles white wear he grips his knees, his teeth sinking into his tongue as he bites down on his rebuke, the shame tart and instant and utterly unspeakable.

(There can be no rebuke to truth though, he knows this. Even when he wishes he didn’t.)

It’s the first the nature of their relations have been brought to air – the first that exactly what it is they’re doing has been spoken of so clearly And perhaps it isn’t the vehemence with which Arya says it that startles him to silence, or the crudeness in how she says it. Perhaps it’s just that it was said at all.

The blaring reality of their sin laid out before them, in no uncertain terms.

Arya digs the heel of her palm into her wet eyes, teeth gritting.

Sansa stares stoically out the frost-lined window, taking a single, long breath in, and then exhaling just as slow. Her jaw works beneath the flicker of candlelight.

Jon looks away.

“We’ll need Baelish,” Bran interrupts the silence

From her position along the window, Sansa’s shoulders stiffen, a look of wariness passing over her shoulder when she glances to Bran.

Jon doesn’t like the taste that floods his mouth at the sight.

“We’ll need his spies,” Bran corrects.

Sansa rubs a worrying thumb into her opposite palm. A sigh like he’s never heard from her passes through her lips then. She is an altogether different woman suddenly. “Is there a difference?” Her voice hardly wavers.

Bran’s eyes shift to Arya. “One face – many faces.”

Arya glances up at the words, her ire momentarily forgotten in place of cautious interest.

Something of a smile tugs at Bran’s lips, but it’s barely-there and fleeting enough to make Jon question its presence entirely. “Perhaps it’s not such a difference,” their brother muses.

Jon thinks he should feel cold at the glint that passes through Arya’s gaze, but he can’t summon anything beyond a vague apprehension.

Instead, he looks to Sansa.

She does not look back.

* * *

She leads Baelish to the godswood in the dead of night, and he doesn’t see the wolves circling until the mark of his own grave stops him stock still in the clearing.

“Sansa, please,” Baelish begs, knees sodden with muddied snow, a gleam of moonlight casting through the weirwood trees to land in slants upon his sweaty, pale face. At his back, Needle stays pressed just between his third and fourth ribs, Arya’s wrist poised in shadow, her other arm held at her back, spine straight. She watches Sansa expectantly.

At the gasp of her name from Baelish’s lips, Jon takes a purposeful step forward, lip curling, hands fisting at his sides. “Don’t you even speak her name,” he threatens in a low growl.

Bran’s hand at his elbow stays him.

Arya flits slate-grey eyes up at him, narrowing, her lips pursed tightly.

Jon shares a look with her, before he averts his gaze, a heated scoff leaving his lips.

Brienne lights a tentative hand on Sansa’s shoulder. “My lady, you do not have to see this.”

Through all this, Sansa has stayed resolutely still, a thrum of disquiet washing over her. In her mind’s eye, she sees her mother. She sees her father. She sees a brilliant grey banner, direwolves in the wind. She sees a house bloodied by betrayal.

She sees the last song of the mockingbird – words for poison – and she remembers that she has learned the weight of such venom years ago.

“But I do,” she answers Brienne, eyes already wet, throat already constricting, even as she nods to Arya.

“Sansa – ” Baelish ends her name on a cracked exhale, Needle sliding between his ribs with a quiet slickness.

His mouth is red instantly, lungs flooding with blood.

Sansa starts to shake. She feels Jon’s hand at the base of her spine.

“Don’t look away,” Bran says from his chair beside them –

(Arya is wiping her blade clean before Baelish even hits the snow.)

– “Father will know if you do.”

* * *

Arya wears Baelish’s skin with an ease that quietly terrifies.

Sansa watches the false-Baelish stride across the hall, calling Lord Royce’s name in a voice she still finds sets her skin to tingling.

Sansa stares at the cover that is Littlefinger.

A stranger’s eyes stare back, unfamiliar in their familiarity.

She had thought condemnation would look different on a face that wasn’t Arya’s.

She knows now that she is wrong.

“He’s not worth crying over,” Jon tells her the next night, when she’s busy unlacing his tunic, fingers trembling and frantic. Something of sorrow lines his words.

Sansa stills, looking up at him. “I know.”

His hand slips up her jaw, thumb brushing along her cheek so achingly slow that she suddenly feels the wetness along it. “Then why are you?” he asks her, not unkindly. It’s a whisper between them, an indiscernible secret let to air.

“I’m not,” she bites out.

But oh, she is –

She is, she is, she is –

“Sansa.” Something breaks in her with how he says it.

(Or perhaps it was always broken, and she’s only just now finding the pieces.)

It’s a terrifying tangle of grief and relief that fills her at the image of Baelish’s face in the red-filtered moonlight, his pleading mouth forming her name so ardently she wants to strike him for it. “I don’t regret it,” she admits on an exhale, her fingers slipping from Jon’s chest as she stumbles back a step.

He follows her, doesn’t let her pull away. He cradles her face in his hands, her tears running freely now.

“I don’t regret it,” she mumbles, head shaking. “I don’t regret it, I don’t – I…I don’t regret it, I – ”

He silences her with a kiss, nothing of kindness to it, nothing of mercy. He doesn’t give her mouth the chance to form any more words, least of all those.

She’s back to unlacing his tunic, and she isn’t crying anymore.

But the tangle has only knotted further.

She doesn’t know anymore, what to regret in this life.

Her hand meets his flesh.

(She just doesn’t know anymore.)

* * *

Daenerys razes the northern lands of the Crownlands, pushing toward Harrenhal, and what Sansa assumes will be even further toward the Westerlands. She imagines she could take King’s Landing if she wanted, but perhaps vengeance urges her west first. A thirst Daenerys must quench before she takes her crown. A kingslayer she must bring to heel before the whole of Westeros. She must recognize by now that King’s Landing is not the seat of power it once was, not with more than half the population already fled. If she wants the seven kingdoms to kneel, then she will have to bring the fight to them. Shouting her claim in the middle of an empty throne room will not get her the subservience she craves and sitting the Iron Throne is not so meaningful without witnesses. So she holds her court at Dragonstone, and pushes west.

Jaime Lannister gives up Riverrun to Brynden and Edmure Tully when the dragon queen’s forces push too close for comfort. He focuses on The Reach instead, halting their advance towards Casterly Rock. The Lannisters face enemies on all sides from the rest of the Seven Kingdoms, even with having the largest contingent of men.

And yet, it’s still surprising when Jaime Lannister is the first to answer one of Jon’s many ravens calling for a peace summit.

(‘To fight the horde’, Jon had said.

‘To ensure peace amongst the kingdoms’, Sansa had urged him instead, a hand squeezing his wrist, and she watched as the huff of frustration blew from his lips.

Still, he heeded her advice, dipping his quill to the parchment and adopting her calculated words in his missives.)

Jon tosses a scroll to her desk, raking a hand through his curls. “He says he’ll come only if he’s granted an audience with the Lady of Winterfell,” he spits almost mockingly, eyes boring into the parchment as it lays innocently atop her ledgers.

Sansa’s brows furrow, fine-boned fingers picking up the scroll to peruse it herself. She licks her lips, looking up at Jon from her seat. “He’ll want to know about Cersei.”

“You had nothing to do with that.”

“Not in his eyes, I imagine.”

Jon rests his knuckles along the wood of her desk, leaning over it. “I will kill him before he lays a hand on you.”

Sansa takes a deep breath, easing back in her chair. His quiet, violent outburst settles something low in her gut like spitting coals. “And would you have me turn him away over this? When he commands the largest force in Westoros – the kind of numbers we’ll need if we want to defeat the dead?”

He doesn’t answer her. But he doesn’t need to.

Sansa sighs, shaking her head. “We can’t win this without allies, you said it yourself.”

Jon tears his hands away from the desk, stalking across the length of her solar, staring darkly at the wall, a hand gliding over his mouth. He stalks back along the stones, stopping at her desk again. “I don’t like it.”

The indignation is easy, ripe in her throat. “It’s not your choice.”

His eyes flash, his hands curling into fists at his sides. “Aye,” he bites out. “It’s not.”

It doesn’t sound like a surrender or an agreement, but Sansa hasn’t the patience to argue such a point. “Then the Lady of Winterfell accepts. You can tell him as such when you pen your answer.” She links her fingers atop her lap, lips pursed.

Jon clenches his jaw, chest heaving just the once – like trying to rein something in. But then he’s nodding his farewell, turning from her, throwing the door to her solar open so harshly that Brienne braces a hand reflexively to Oathkeeper, glancing in on her lady as the King sweeps past.

Sansa scowls at his retreating form, fingers curling into a knot in her lap.

* * *

He thinks maybe the right words will come to him at the tip of a sword. They usually do, and he’s never been much good without one. So when he invites Arya to a spar at the far end of the eastern courtyard, well enough out of earshot of any passersby, he doesn’t waste time.

“Sansa misses you.” He sees the moment the smirk slips from her mouth.

She’d been enjoying the spar, he can tell, and while some part of him aches that he’s the one to shatter that moment, to temper that glee, a larger part of him knows how to recognize the temporary and the fleeting at this point.

Arya doesn’t blunt her swipes, Needle clacking against Longclaw with a sharp ringing. “I doubt that very much.”

Jon steps into the parry, teeth gritting. “I know why you’ve been distant but – ”

“If you know, then it shouldn’t be so hard to understand.” Her swing lands dangerously close to his cheek.

Jon stumbles back, breath breaking from him with a jolt, a flush of anger heating him. “She’s your sister. Shouldn’t that be enough?”

Arya straightens, a hand held primly at her back, a single brow arched. “It wasn’t enough for you, was it? To have her as a sister?” She doesn’t hide the contempt now.

Jon huffs his frustration, swinging low, teeth bared when he meets her blade for blade. “Whatever I’ve done, whatever I’ve – ” He swallows his words behind a grunt. They meet in a clash, eyes locked. “I won’t apologize for what I want. Not even to you.”

Arya’s eyes wet instantly, even while they harden. She shouts as she shoves him back. “You should have known better! You should have – she should have – ” She swings again, too wide, staggering back when he parries her almost effortlessly. “It’s like I don’t even know you anymore!”

He imagines she hadn’t meant for her voice to break on that one, and he understands why she covers it with a snarl, another lunge, but he’s finding it harder and harder to brace against her vehemence.

Jon knocks her back, bracing his boots in the dirt to steady himself. His chest heaves, the breaths coming ragged and full. “You’ve no idea what she’s been through.”

Arya narrows her eyes at him, twirling Needle into an overhold. “The people talk, Jon. I know what Ramsay – ”

“I’m not just talking about what Ramsay did to her!” he bellows, stilling her instantly. His gut churns at the name, even still, even now when he bears the marks of that bastard’s ruin on his scarred knuckles, even when he carries him with him beneath his skin (and oh, how he would scar worse if it meant he could mar him again and again and – )

Jon closes his eyes, taking a deep breath as he swallows back the rage.

Because Ramsay was not all of it.

“What do you mean?” Arya is standing eerily still, hair slightly disheveled, gloved hand curling around Needle’s hilt.

Jon opens his eyes.

(Just a stupid, little girl, Sansa had muttered in a voice so scathing he knew he’d never know the whole of it.

She doesn’t like mirrors, he finds. And this, perhaps, makes him saddest of all.)

“I meant down in King’s Landing.”

Arya doesn’t respond, but Needle lowers minutely. Jon takes it as a motion to continue.

Something strikes him then, instant and resounding. “Could you have done it?”

Her brows sharpen down in her confusion. “What?”

Jon licks his lips, continuing. “Could you have held your tongue in the midst of those who killed Father, knowing it would be your head next?”

Arya’s chest puffs out, her hiss high and biting. “I would have died to avenge Father.”

“And could you have held it knowing that if not, it would be your mother next? Your brother? Your sister?”

Arya stops, throat flexing beneath her tight swallow.

Jon takes a step closer, Longclaw still at the ready. “Could you have taken the beatings, the humiliation, the constant reminder of your helplessness, your uselessness? Could you have listened day after day to the threats on your family? Could you have done nothing, because to do more meant worse than death for those you loved?” He’s panting by now, quaking in his own skin, desperate, wretched, lungs full with his woe. He can see her trembling from where he stands. Longclaw tips to the ground, forgotten. “Do you know how she cried for you?”

Arya turns her head away, eyes riveted to the stone wall. The tears are more apparent now, though they never fall. Her jaw works beneath her tight words. “I never asked her to.”

“Aye,” Jon says, nodding, voice cracking. “Sansa did a lot of things for us we never asked her to.”

She looks back at him then, her face fierce, a shadow of distress glancing through her eyes, and then gone. She blinks back the wetness. “I don’t know what she’s been through, no. Not truly. Not entirely.” She tilts her chin up, her voice steady. “But neither does she know what I’ve been through.”

And there it is.

The reminder of how he’s failed.

Jon crumbles beneath the weight of such guilt, his head lowering, and he digs the knuckles of his free hand into his eye socket, clearing his throat when he looks back at her and his hand comes away salt-tinged. “I know. And I’m sorry, Arya, I’m so – ” His breath catches, and he has to choke back the break, start again. “I’m sorry I couldn’t – ”

“I’m not saying it because I blame you.” Arya sighs, glancing away to the wall once more. It seems a comfort. “I’m not saying it because I blame her either. It just… it just is.”

“Would you wish it upon her? What you went through?” He asks it softly, plaintively.

She considers him a moment, eyes a hauntingly familiar grey.

(How like his sister he’s always been – and how not.)

“No,” she finally answers, Needle lowering to her side entirely, the crinkle of her glove resounding in the blaring quiet.

“I think she feels much the same,” he offers her, stepping closer, until he is standing right before her, until he can reach a gloved hand up to brush a lone strand of hair behind her ear.

Arya’s eyes flutter shut at the motion, leaning into the touch unconsciously. Her lashes glisten with the unshed tears.

Jon’s hand retreats, a long-forgotten fondness creeping out between his ribs. He waits until her eyes shift open once more. He waits until she’s looking at him, really looking at him. He waits until he knows she’s ready to listen.

“Sansa isn’t weak,” he tells her, voice steady. “She’s just strong in ways you’ve never had to be.”

Arya stares up at him, and she is all at once exactly the sister he left, and yet nothing like her at all.

He wants to reach for her once more, but something tells him not to. Something tells him they’re not there yet.

Arya flits her gaze to the side, a heavy sigh leaving her. She wipes at her eyes, clearing her throat. She sheaths Needle without further word, stepping back from him. “I’m not okay with what you two are doing,” she says finally, voice clear of tears. She looks back up at him and her eyes are dry.

Jon shakes his head. “I’m not asking you to be.” It’s easy to be unapologetic. It’s easy now that he recognizes how little condemnation means to him. Not with this.

Not with her.

(He will never be sorry for that.)

“But,” Arya starts, swallows, starts again. “But I hear you.”

Jon stares at her, blinking swiftly.

“I hear you,” she says again, and then she’s turning and stalking away, their spar forgotten.

He doesn’t think they’d have ended in anything but a stalemate anyway, but he hopes.

He hopes.

* * *

{The hearth spits another log to cinders before them, and she thinks he means to keep this damn silence always, until, “Because she is needed.”

Sansa nearly scoffs, her throat catching on the noise. She blinks the wetness from her eyes. “We never needed her,” she says on a harsh exhale.

“We do,” Bran counters, no malice in the correction, no reprimand.

“We needed Jon,” she manages through clenched teeth, fingers curling over her armrests like talons. She wants to strike him – her little brother. She wants to claw those desolate white eyes out and find the monster beneath – the monster that did this to them. “We still do,” she grinds out. It almost seems a pointless grief now.

Bran gives her a long moment of silence, eyes frustratingly vacant. “There can be no Jon without Daenerys.”}

#jonsa #jon and sansa #jon x sansa #jon snow #sansa stark #arya stark #bran stark #starklings #house stark #game of thrones #got fanfic #my writing #a violence done most kindly

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albuspottrss · 5 years ago

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Hpcc London Part One recap from January Second

Part one notes from January second :) enjoy plenty of scorbus feels with a couple of heartbreaking notes inbetween. Covers on that day were:

Lola!Polly

David mara! Sorting hat

Robert Curtis! Bane

Act one

Doms Albus watches his family’s interactions with such a huge smile on his face, he loves them all so dearly, but doesn’t quite feel like he fits in and isolates himself away from the group, he does a lot of nervous looking around the platform, clearly showing his anxiety as more and more people are watching him, and he fiddles with his robes trying to calm himself down.

Tom gave Rayxia a kiss on the cheek on the platform, and then hit ryan in the face with something (like paper?) in a nice bit of Ron JSP banter

Lola!polly gave a little wave to the potters after “people always look”

Craig!karl ran into the compartment and stuck his hand out for Jon to shake, he was super excited to make a new friend and then realised who Scorpius was and pulled away and ran out, but scorpius had already started raising his hand to shake it back and then sunk back into his seat all sad.

Then the trolley witch popped by and Scorp pulled her over and they had a long conversation until she moved to the next compartment and it looked like she was telling JSP off.

Dombus excitedly stuck his hand out to Scorpius and Rayxia!RGW pushed it back.

Scorpius sounded like he was about to cry when he said “mum wasnt.” His voice cracked and he sounded so upset at the idea that anyone could see his mum, his loving, kind caring mum who was his best friend as a death eater and wanted to defend her as best he could.

When Dombus says he’s going to stay in the compartment he did a little reassuring foot stomp, he’s so confident in his decision to stay with the nerdy boy he just met.

One of my fave things is how Jon doesn’t really sing the sweEets line, bc he’s so shy and trails off almost straight away because he doesn’t want to mess things up, but then dombus goes full on goofy singing it back with frantic flapping arm gestures to let scorpius know that it’s okay, he can be his full nerdy self around him.

When Scorpius says RGW is quite fierce, Albus is so fast to apologise, and kind of reaches out towards him (mirroring how Jamie Harry reaches out after the blanket scene to take the words back) because Albus has a heart of gold and is trying to take back the nasty rumours that had made Scorpius uncomfortable because he’s literally only known this boy for three mins but cares so much already about him.

In the sorting Albus runs forward super quickly and nearly stumbled because he’s so desperate for the worrying to be over, and then when his worst fear becomes a reality he just mouths “what?”

RGW and JSP turned to each other and started a heated conversation about it straight away and then James ran forward and mouthed “I’m so sorry” to Al :(

Scorpius looks so hurt and angry at the comments made at Albus after the quidditch lesson

Ryans iconic “Slytherin slytherin stop with you’re dithering” accompanied with full on snake like hand action towards Albus

Albus is so fed up when Harrys talking to him about making new friends but as soon as he talks about Scorpius his face lights up with the biggest smile ever and it’s the most adorable thing

Draco and Harry were having the heated convo on the platform and Lola!polly and Luke!yann walk past and then Lola sees Draco and grabs Luke’s hand and they run off stage together

After “well this one does” Albus gives Scorpius a playful little shove as they run off stage together

In wand dance, Dombus nearly tripped over Ronnie and did a dramatic little turn to cover it up

Harrys dramatic bow sequence to Hermione is the most wonderful thing ever I love their friendship.

I was watching Dombus closely during the scene with Amos and Harry and watching his reaction to “kill the spare” was heartbreaking because he clearly feels like he is the spare in his family (which obvs isn’t true they love him all so very much but his insecurities shine through) and his face crumpled, and then made him more determined to keep listening because he wanted to help save someone who he saw as like himself :(

“Albussss PottER” then Maddie! Delphi bowed to him and Dombus bowed back having a nice mock at his own surname and the insecurities it’s caused him

“But how can I ignore it? It’s PINK” accompanied with some sassy af hand on hip action from Ryan

At the start of the blanket scene Jamie just went “Ron sent this, Ahahshsjjsud” like a load of random noises, he’s so awkward and can tell his sons upset about heading back to school but doesn’t know how to approach him about it properly

Dombus flinches and moves away as soon as Jamie sits next to him, Harry put his hand on Albus after he says “I certainly need some” trying to reassure him that things would get better and it would work out

Albus was so angry and emotional and was crying on the “sometimes I wish you weren’t my dad” and then when Jamie says THAT line he did his reaching out to try and take the words back and Dom just stood there his face so crestfallen at what his dad had admitted.

He then does a really forced laugh at “no love or luck for me then” because he’s trying to make it look like he doesn’t care and deal with the situation with humour but he’s broken inside and it doesn’t come out as an actual laugh :(

Craig!Dudley kept hugging the stairs and peeking out at Harry in the dream sequence

In fourth year, Scorpius is sat waiting for his best friends arrival, fiddling with his hand and his foot tapping the floor as he anxiously waits, but I absolutely love how this has changed from first year where he’s sat reading a book because he thinks no one would want to be friends with the rumoured son of voldemort and now he’s waiting to be reunited with the boy who cares so much for him :)))

The hug here was awkward as it should be, but Scorpius’s arms were sticking out and then he patted Albus on the back like he wanted to hug him back he just didn’t know how, as Scorpius tends to deal with his feelings emotionally, rather than physically (that little snippet is confirmed by JC himself)

RGW was in JSPs department, and they were having an in-depth conversation- perhaps about Albus and how worried JSP was for him? And then when Rose ran back into their apartment she was clearly updating him on the situation and perhaps the bread thing too, we stan these two cousins.

Albus is so enthusiastic about saving Cedric he’s bouncing up and down and getting very close to Scorpius’s face with lots of dramatic hand actions because he really really wants to be able to save a fellow “spare”

Albus tries to get Scorpiusto go up into the train roof first but Jon was not having it and eventually Albus climbed up first, leaving Scorpius to scramble after him because although it seems scary, Scorpius couldn’t let Al do something scary by himself!

When Albus turns around and sees the trolley witch standing behind them, his mouth drops open and pauses for ages completely shook before he utters out a little “OH”

Scorpius is so bewildered by how long trolleys been doing the job for and is so intrigued about her history when he crawls forward you can kind of see he forgets where they are and the circumstances he just wants to know more about her life ( lucky for him there’s a thread for that on trolleybitchs twitter ;))

The EGM is always so so so sassy and I love it, there were plenty of sassy shouts of “whAaaaatttttt’ that sounded like they were coming from Lolas direction, and someone squealed “shut uppppp” before Hermione conjured silence!

As always Joward was doing his best bitchy Draco lean in the ministry

A nice cry of “FILTHY MARK” was heard and then had to be calmed down by someone else because he was so into it.

“Harrys scar is hurting” a voice from the crowd “shAme” and then after this meeting is a sham, we got the wonderful “YOURE A SHAMMMMM” chasing draco off stage into the wings.

St Oswalds!

The two old witches came forward muttering, “want another biscuit” to which Craig replied with “absolutely NOT” and then the classic “alright alright STOP you’re giving me a headache”

A change to the scene was a new sofa which Lola was perched on and Craig came down and sat next to her, and then someone chucked Craig a wand until all the oldies set his tea on fire.

In the scene with Amos when Amos mentions his house, Dombus gets all anxious and desperately grabs at his robes and pulls them to cover up his jumper like he’s ashamed of himself for his house :(

Scorpius is trying to protect albus so much and trying to be brave and has his arm around Albus whilst Amos is angry, trying to reassure him!

In the scene with the adults Ron’s sat there eating the food off of his plate and then switched the plates around and starts eating someone else’s, and is proud and laughing at himself whilst Hermione looks on fondly but also exasperated with him!

Jon was really getting into the poly juice transformation he was shaking about so much and making loads of “vvvvvvvvvv” noises for dramatic effect as he transformed (he did also end up with three arms briefly too)

Joward does the sassiest “do youuuuuu? kNow iT??” ever

“No hiding places” - cue a high pitched screeching from Jamie

After alohamora worked Jamie!scorpius squeaked out a “wahhahah” he was so proud of himself for getting into THE minister for magics office

Okay time for Toms albus polyjuice scene which is the best thing ever.

Running through the door shouting “surpriseeeeeeeeeee” and then having a sharp intake of breath like he didn’t know what on earth to say or do next and then he has this idea and kisses Hermione and then cannot believe he’s done that and whilst Harry and Hermione are talking has a moment to compose himself and starts gagging and putting his hands in his mouth to mimic throwing up - which is just so much like doms albus and parralels to the two times Dom does the exact same thing!

Michelle kept dodging Tom as he tried to kiss her again and so he settled for an aggressive hug (Albus is defo a hugger bless him)

“Let’s have a baby”*takes a moment to shout AAAAAGHHHHHHH* “or a holidAYYYYYY” *points vigorously at hermione* “I WANT A HOLIDAY” and stomps his feet.

On “puckish sense of fun” Tom does the a little jig curtsy dance thing accompanied by a cloak swish.

Scorpius is clearly upset that he hadn’t realised his best friend had had an argument with his dad, he really cares about him so much

Tom scampers up the bookcase on all fours and then lies on the top of it.

When Albus came out of the bookcase he was shaking with nerves and fear :(

Act Two.

Hermione tells Ron off for going to the kitchens and Joward did his classic dusting himself down dramatically after getting out of the floo.

Dombus is so so so happy he mastered expelliarmus he has the biggest grin on his face and is so bouncey awwww, whereas Scorp is fiddling with his hands when he sees Delphi and Albus, he’s super anxious he’s about to be replaced :(

Maddie! Delphi handing over the robes “you are going to need to wear” dramatic pause filled with her singing a little song as she grabs them “de dun dun deeeee, THESE”

Obviously I’m going to include my best note of the evening “quality neighs from Rob Curtis” bc Robs bane was perfect and one dramatic son of a bitch.

Edge of the forest was beautiful as always, but it hurt even more when Scorpius was talking about checking the daily prophet every day, since that’s how he found out about all the nasty rumours about him and already knew he would most likely never have any real friends and could only dream about having mates like Harry did, at this point Doms face falls because he didn’t know this about his best friend, and doesn’t really feel like he can ever live up to his father, but it lights up again when Jon says “you’re better” this moment is the purest scene ever, and Albus is so desperate to tell Scorpius that he’s his best friend too and he says it so fast and runs up to him and grabs his hand 🥺

Triwizard time let’s gooooo

Ronnies iconic crawl through the crowd to get back to slytherin

Craig!karl wolf whistling, and then starting a Mexican wave that made it all the way down to ravenclaw (lacking effort from the gryffs here) but I was so proud he got it working so well!

“KRUM KRUM KRUM!!!!” - Ronnie and

Duncan

“I LOVE YOU FLEUR”- Craig!karl shouts, everyone turns around and stares at him judgementally and then he points at ravenclaw girl “SHE LOVES YOU”

Ronnie and Duncan kept batting each other with their scarves which was veryyyy cute

Albus looked so very excited about mentions of Charlie weasley training the dragons he has the “that’s my uncle” look of pride in his eyes!

Craig!karl did some banging high kicks and then everyone started arguing

Albus is on the floor in pain and Jon got down on the floor with him to see if he was okay

Jamie!harry mocking madam pomfreys voice is hilarious he’s obviously still not over that skele-grow from second year

Dom starts fiddling with the blanket whilst his dad is talking and then does the most desperate cry of dAdddd

“Never fitted” Albus try has never felt like he fitted in anywhere apart from when he’s with Scorpius, and was on the verge of tears as his dad suggested splitting them up, it was at this point I scrawled down the note ‘Albus so intensely loves Scorpius’

When Albus mentions Hermione. Ron stood up and said ‘Hermione? *squeaks* NOOOO!”

Jon sits on the stairs looking broken and fiddling with his hands (exactly like albus does when he’s nervous :(()

Albus is so sweet he asks so so so softly “but Hermione? What are you doing here?” He doesn’t want to upset her but he’s genuinely confused, what is the most powerful witch ever doing teaching DADA

Polly is so fustrated with Albus she just wants gryff to do well, Yann turns around to make sure she’s okay before standing up to speak to Albus

Craig!karl pointed at Ronnie!Craig when asked the question about patronuses like why on earth would he know the answer but give ceeby a try he’s more likely to know

Craig!Karl turned around and shook his head at Albus after asking about Rose Granger-Weasley

Staircase ballet,

Both the boys were looking out for each other with so much longing, then Albus sees Scorpius and runs away because it hurts too much to see his best friends pain :(

Jon sits down and crosses his legs and looks the most forlorn and lost at the top of the stairs :(

Dom looks up and opens his mouth, he wants to say something so desperately to Scorpius.

Jon sits down again and peers over the edge of the stairs down below at Dom

At the top of the stairs they pause for the longest time and Dom attempts to say something and Scorpius waits so expectantly, until the staircases drag them apart from each other - metaphorical for them being dragged apart from each other by Harry and the nasty rumours and the bullying- hogwarts itself pulls them apart and back into their individual pools of desperate loneliness, they both begin stepping towards each other trying to reach the other because they can’t stay away from each other but are forced apart :(

Draco did his sassy little hand action and tut tutted Harry after one of the spells, and then at the “were the same age” Jamie did a little bow and crouched down

Lola!Polly did an exasperated sigh at Scorpius being weird with the cloak covering up Delphi

Draco really struggles when talking about Astoria, he only wants to focus on the happy memories and fiddles with his wedding ring, and cannot bring himself to say that she is dead he opts for things like saying she’s ‘gone’ or that they ‘lost her’ because saying she’s dead would be way to final for him :(

Library scene

Lola!Polly kept shaking her head and sighing at scorbus, and then doing dramatic shhhhing

Scorpius kept shying away from Albus :(

Lola!Polly told on them to Madam Pince and when they were told off did a sassy nod and hair flick

Polly did a dramatic hand action to calm herself down before storyline out of the library

Jon was crying when talking about how awful the bullies are because he cares so much for his best friend and he knows how the bullies are and how much it hurts him to know his friend has to go through that :((

From where I was sat the invisibility cloak didn’t fully cover Dom immediately and his arms were flailing about

Jon sat crying and holding on to himself, and when Albus started talking about Astoria Dom was nearly breaking down :((

Scorpius was still crying as he uttered out “thannkkk youuuu” and he was properly sobbing at the “maybe their true too”

Scorpius touched Albus’s knee on ‘thats a nice thing to say’ 🥺

In the library hug Al stuck out his hand and Scorp mock shakes it before Dom pulled him in for a hug and Jon hugged him back and gently patted his back

After Albus explained his plan with Cedric, Scorp in complete admiration of his bestie, let out a gentle “You’re CLEVER”

Scorpius knows that’s a huge insecurity of Albus’s but hes genuinely in awe of how great he is and wants him to see his intelligence for himself :)))

Doms sparkly surprise was the most dramatic I’ve seen it, a full pew pew pppewwwww and he did the firework actions all the way above his head

After mentioning the marriage thing and having a daughter Ron did the most awkward “hahahha, ha” ever

“Well consider me engorgi impressed” *frantic thumbs up*

Jon did his amazing nodding at 300 miles an hour and grinning at how hot Cedric is with Myrtle, the pair of them literally fan girl so hard over him

“Then I’m entirely ready” pause ‘mmmmmmmmhmmmmmm’ “for whatever” *mouth full of gillyweed*

I love scorbus’s underwater high-five that they do but then it struck me that that’s the last bit of physical contact Scorpius has with Albus before he gets thrown into a world without him and the possibility that he’ll never get to see him ever again :(

Jons screams of ALBUSSSSSS are always so so so desperate, at first it’s confusion, but then the panic sets in that oh my god maybe he’s drowned and the horrifying realisation that he’s not coming out of the lake and he looks just so frightened :(

#dombus #recap #hpccrecap #hpccnotes #ccrecap #ccnotes #scorbus #scorbus notes #harry potter and the cursed child #harry potter #cursed child #cursed child london #cursed child recap #part one recap

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