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zepskies · 6 months ago

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Lost on You - Part 5

Pairing: Soldier Boy/Ben x F. Supe!Reader

Summary: 1983 is a big year for you. You’re finally chosen to join the ranks of Payback, led by the most (in)famous supe in the world: Soldier Boy. He’ll never admit that he’s trying his damndest to figure you out. You’ll never admit that he’s actually growing on you. But the problem with this game is deciding who’s the predator, and who is prey.

AN: We’re going deeper and darker on this one, with an ending you might not expect...

Word Count: 5.5K

Tags/Warnings: 18+ only. TW: attempted sexual assault (not successful), violence, character death, drug use, and a twist.

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Part 5: Eminence Front

Your last conversation with your mother was on a Sunday morning, in hospice.

You sat at her bedside and held her hand. Chris and your father were downstairs in the hospital food court, ordering sandwiches. You hadn’t had much of an appetite for three days.

“I had your father call the whole family so they could watch the music video with you and Soldier Boy,” your mom said. She wore a proud, if weak smile. “He even recorded a few tapes of it. He sent one to your aunt, another to your cousins, and another to our friends Leah and Stan.”

“Pretty sure that’s illegal piracy, Mom,” you said with a laugh.

“I don’t care. You’re my daughter, and you’ve worked incredibly hard to get here,” she said. Her eyes misted over a bit in memory. “We’ve all worked hard.”

You stilled at that. You didn’t know what memories she had filtering through her head, but you were sure your perspective behind the lens was…different.

In your mind’s eye, you saw yourself at twelve years old. Chris had been pestering you all day, as big brothers were wont to do sometimes. With a slap on his arm, you’d screamed at him to leave you alone.

He didn’t speak to you for a whole month. He didn’t go to your piano recital or your choir concert, where you had the best solo. He didn’t talk to you until you touched him again, grabbing his arm, pleading with him.

"Please, whatever I did, I'm sorry. Just talk to me!"

He startled as if he’d woken up from a dream.

Your parents had shared a look, and they’d known then that their gamble had worked.

You remembered being sat down by your mother and told that they had spent their entire life’s savings to make you a hero. So you were going to spend the rest of your young life training to be one.

“We’re investing in your future, but we’re also investing in ours.”

You remembered sleepover invites rejected and summer plans canceled on your behalf. Your mother used her meager retirement fund to sign you up for vocal lessons from a former opera singer. Your high school football coach father drilled you to condition your body like an athlete.

You never had a moment that wasn’t scheduled. You were always exhausted, taking whatever “supplements” your parents gave you to keep you going. (Often it was Adderall, until it started giving you insomnia, among other delightful side effects.)

You were miserable. Then again, you’d be surprised by what you could get used to.

The end goal was always getting into Payback. It was where you’d garner the most fame and make the most money, and therefore, make the most returns on your parents’ investments.

So your father later took out a loan to get you some basic combat training from an ex-Vought employee. Your parents wanted you to be well-rounded and prepared for anything when you got onto the team—and it was always when.

If was not part of the story.

Any small commercials and modelling gigs you landed throughout middle school and high school helped pay for your family’s bills, and later for college, where you double majored in Vocal Performance and Marketing. You would learn how to become your own brand.

Through it all, you always remembered what your mom had said to you on the set of your first commercial. You were crying because the hours were long and you missed your friends, and even your brother.

“Come on, let’s wipe those tears. You don’t want to smudge your makeup,” she’d said. When you couldn’t be consoled, she guided you over to a quieter corner of the set. “Listen, sweetheart. Don’t let them see you upset. You'll get a reputation for being difficult to work with.”

“I don’t care! I don’t want to do this anymore,” you said, sniffling badly as you scrubbed at your eyes. Your mother sighed sharply.

“You’re just starting out. Of course there are going to be growing pains,” she said. “Showbusiness is a cutthroat world, and yes, you’re so young. Maybe too young.”

She wiped your face with gentler hands, then she laid them on your shoulders and made sure you met her eyes.

“But you’re going to be better prepared than most superheroes. You can literally read men. You know what’s in their hearts, and you can control them. As a woman in this world, do you know how damn powerful that is?” she said.

She squeezed your shoulders.

“That’s why you’ll be smarter than any of them, and you’ll only show the world what you want them to see.”

What you want them to see…

“We don’t have to talk about that right now,” you said at last.

Your mom nodded and stroked your hand. Her eyes fell closed in rest. She looked so small and frail in her bed.

“I’m so, so proud of you,” she said. “Always remember that.”

Your lower lip trembled, and your eyes stung. You couldn’t help but feel hollow. What was there to be proud of? You’d failed. All your hard work was meant to give your family a better life, not…this.

“You’re so beautiful and talented,” she continued. “And you’ll get your father out from under these medical bills I put on him, won’t you?”

Deep in your soul, a painful ache twinged.

You ignored it and nodded in agreement.

“I’ll take care of Dad, don’t worry.”

Your mother died the next morning. You wrote a statement about her passing to explain your absence to your fans. It went through Madelyn Stillwell and Arthur before they released the press release and even had it covered in Vought News. Then you spent the next week entrenched in funeral arrangements with your father and brother.

When you eventually returned to Vought Tower after the funeral, it felt like another part of you had chipped off.

Your room was filled with flowers and gifts from your fans, which managed to make you wide-eyed, and even tearfully touched. So this was the power of fame, then?

But there was one vase filled with beautiful scarlet roses. Attatched was a handwritten note:

Welcome home.

You thought you recognized the scrawl. A small smile graced your lips.

You gave into the desire to venture up to the penthouse floor, and knock on Ben’s door. He opened it himself. He was dressed down for once in the afternoon, in a normal sweater rolled up to his elbows and tucked into his slacks. Once he saw you, he was a little surprised.

You held up the note for his view. “Was this you?”

He smiled slightly, but he didn’t answer you. He just welcomed you inside. You followed him into the living room area and sat heavily on the couch. An album was playing on his record player. You recognized Sinatra’s smooth voice singing “My Way.”

“You want a drink?” Ben asked.

“Whiskey, neat,” you replied. He rose a brow, but he fulfilled your request.

While he was busy, you grabbed his forgotten half a blunt from the ashtray on the coffee table, and you lit up. You didn’t often partake in drugs because you didn’t like being out of your lucid mind. You preferred being in control.

Today was different. You needed a distraction. Maybe that was why you were here to begin with.

You accepted the glass he handed to you and took a generous sip, though you coughed at the burn on the way down. And you took a puff, the smoke irritating your throat even more. You practically coughed up half a lung, until he sat down beside you and reached out his hand. You passed the blunt back to him. You two traded off hits until it was more than halfway down to the roach, and he eventually put it out on the ashtray.

“My offer still stands, you know,” he said.

You turned to him. Even in your “enlightened” state, you could feel his intentions. The way he roamed your body with his eyes was unmistakable, but just then, you had a moment of clarity. You couldn’t be bothered to play this game, or hide your true thoughts for that matter. You smiled to yourself, and you stood.

Ben got up with you, trying to gauge your reaction.

“Thank you,” you said, “for finally showing me who you really are.”

His lips slowly pulled into a frown. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

“My mom died,” you said. “I know you knew that, but you couldn’t even muster up a basic ‘I’m sorry for your loss,’ or whatever the fuck.”

You even laughed through the spark of tears. You wiped at your face. “This place is exactly what I thought it would be.”

The man was silent while you finished the drink in one long gulp. You slammed the glass on his counter, and you left his apartment.

It wasn’t the first time Ben watched you walk away from him, but despite his outward stoicism, it was the first time he felt the sting of it.

You knew it would be difficult at Vought, but you were finding it more and more challenging to keep focused as the months went by.

On one mission, Ben threw a man out of a three-story apartment. He lived, by some miracle, but shattered almost every bone in his body.

On another, Black Noir choke-slammed an escaped convict so hard, her esophagus caved in. And it was a good day if the TNT Twins even zapped the right culprit.

You were increasingly wary of the collateral damage and violence you were being complicit in, just by being there. You had to keep reminding yourself of why you were here. You needed to take care of your father, who was still swimming in your mother’s medical bills and funeral costs. You needed to prove to yourself that you could do this, with or without Ben’s help.

Even so, a day you were called to a full team mission made you more anxious than excited.

It was a drug ring that the police had been trying to dismantle for nearly a decade: Los Reyes. They were the "kings of cocaine," and they were brutal in their retaliations, locked in a turf war with one of the Italian mafias. As Stan Edgar had explained, the police were grateful for any help that Payback could provide.

You guys were sent to a warehouse in Hell’s Kitchen. According to law enforcement intel, it was the base of the Reyes gang's operations.

Infiltrating it was the easy part. Countess blasted right through the front doors, revealing your entire team to the group of men huddled around entire tables and crates filled with product.

When a man aimed a gun at you, Ben threw his shield. It hit the man, who then crashed into a support beam and broke his back in half. Your eyes went wide in horror at seeing his lifeless ones. You gaped up at Ben.

“Was that really necessary?” you asked in alarm.

"Would you rather get shot?” he said coolly.

The others picked off a few men in the room, but the rest of the gang scattered into other rooms within the large building. Ben barked commands for who should go in which direction.

“Sirena, you’re with Swatto. Head east towards the alley and cut off any rats,” he commanded.

You wanted to take issue with being partnered with Swatto. You glanced over at him. After how you compelled him a few months ago, he still had a grudge against you as well. But you two knew better than to argue with Soldier Boy on a mission.

You and your partner ducked out the east side into the alley. Sure enough, you saw blood splatters on the wall from a handprint, and drips of blood leading down the concrete path. After sharing a nod, you and Swatto followed the line of blood.

You turned the corner into a dusty construction site, where a new skyscraper was only partially built. Some walls were up along with the foundation, but it was mostly dirt, bare concrete walls, and piles of brick.

When you turned a corner, you and Swatto stopped short as bullets rained your way.

“Oh, fuck!” Swatto shouted. He pulled out his gun and decided to fly above. You heard more shots and men screaming, and then, it was quiet. You cocked your own gun, though you hoped you didn’t have to use it. The problem with your powers was you needed to be close enough to touch someone to actually compel them, man or woman.

Your last resort was your actual siren song, a power you rarely used. Mainly because it was lethal to any man who heard it. For that reason, it had to be your in case of emergency break glass tactic.

So you crept around the corner to see what Swatto had done. You were surprised to find that he fought well. He managed to kill a few of them, but one large man was still alive. He was on his knees in the dirt with his hands folded behind his head.

“See? Ain’t so fuckin’ tough now, huh?” Swatto taunted. “Get ready to get fucked in the ass in jail, Paco.”

You grimaced in disgust. “All right, that’s enough. Just—”

Before you could realize what was happening, the man raised up from the ground and swept the gun from Swatto’s hands. It flew across the clearing and hit the wall, setting the gun off. A bullet ricocheted and grazed Swatto in the side.

“Aw, fuck! I’m fucking hit!” he yelled in alarm. His wings expanded from his back, and he raised off the ground in flight. Your eyes widened.

“Where the hell are you going?” you shouted.

“I’m hit! I need a hospital!” His voice grew smaller as he flew away like a fucking coward.

It left you alone with a man twice your size. He seized you up with a smirk.

“Hey, baby,” he said. “You’re the new one, right?”

You raised your gun and fired, but you were too late. He evaded and grabbed the gun from your hands. You held your ground after the first punch, but the second and third made your legs shake. You were more durable than the average human, and you were well trained. Unfortunately, you didn’t have super strength like most of your teammates.

You blocked when you could and gave blows of your own, but this man was large enough that it didn’t slow him for long. He wore a sweatshirt with long sleeves, so you couldn’t easily compel him with a touch.

Okay, this warrants an emergency, you thought in alarm. When you opened your mouth to sing, he shot out a sharp blow to your throat. Maybe he thought you were going to scream for help, but it had its intended effect of choking you into silence.

He grabbed you and proceeded to beat you down, until you felt the sharp breaking of ribs and blood and dirt in your mouth. Every time you tried to slip away or get to your feet and escape, he knocked you back down. He was toying with you, and having fun with it too. You could sense his sick enjoyment.

But then, you felt his intentions shift. Darker, and more carnal. A more intense fear coiled in your stomach, rising up into your throat. A gasp got stuck there as you tried harder to crawl away.

He grabbed your ankle and dragged you back towards him. He took your wrists when you tried to claw at his eyes, or even just touch his face to try and enforce your power over his.

Just a scrap of skin. That’s all you need.

A whimper escaped you as you struggled, but you kneed him hard between the legs. That managed to stop him for a moment as he grunted and cursed. He got a hold of a meaty hand around your neck. Your eyes glowed in desperation.

Suddenly, the man’s weight lifted off you.

You panted for breath and raised yourself up on your elbow. You watched with wide eyes as Ben slammed your attacker’s face into the dirt until he couldn’t breathe. Ben glanced at you, taking in the sight of your bloody face and cut lip, your arm wrapped around your battered ribs.

His frown deepening in displeasure, he bent the man’s arm until it broke in at least two places. His howls of pain echoed into the night. Ben cut it off by twisting the man’s neck, until it released a loud crack.

He threw the body to the ground in disgust. He barely even wiped his gloves before he stood straighter. Then he went back to you.

“You all right?” he asked gruffly.

You stared up at him with tears shining in your eyes. You tried to answer, but it hurt your throat. It was also painful for you to move your body. You tasted blood in your mouth and knew it had dribbled down your chin.

With a rough exhale through his nose, Ben lowered down and slid his hands underneath your body. You cringed and cried out when he moved you, but you were grateful. You were embarrassed. And you were exhausted.

Tears streamed down your cheeks as you folded your arms over your battered middle. You couldn't help but lay your head against his chest.

The rest of the team was waiting at the other end of the clearing, except for Swatto. Even Countess was quiet as she watched Ben carry you out of the construction site.

You spent a couple of days in the hospital. There you were surrounded by Vought security fielding off any journalists or tabloids, and you were accompanied by your dad and brother.

Chris especially was angry for you, not to mention worried, but you tried to hide your pain and reassure them that you would be okay. This was just par for the course when taking down the bad guys.

Yeah, that one sounded hollow, even to you.

You were grateful when you got out of the hospital and were sent back to the Tower. Even so, the doctor had you mostly on bedrest until your ribs healed up. You weren’t proud of it, but you wallowed in your embarrassment and a bit of self-pity while you watched a marathon of Cheers and ate from a box of assorted chocolates. You dug around for your favorites, but you kept getting the weird shitty filling ones.

“Sometimes you wanna go where everybody knows your name, and they’re always glad you came,” sang the TV show theme song. “You wanna be where you can see, our troubles are all the same. You wanna be where everybody knows your name…”

“Bullshit,” you muttered aloud. Such was your grouchiness that you had half a mind to change the channel. This godforsaken sitcom was too damn cheery, no matter how much you loved Ted Danson’s fine, rugged ass.

God. Maybe I do have a type.

That was when a knock at the door threatened to disrupt your solitude.

“Who is it?”

“It’s me.”

You’d now recognize that smooth, deep voice anywhere. Sighing, you closed the box of chocolates and hid them under your pillow before you turned off the TV.

“Come in,” you said.

Ben stepped into your apartment and soon found you in your room. It was the first time he’d ever been in here, and he took a subtle look around. He wore his suit and tactical gear.

“Just come from a mission?” you asked.

He nodded and approached your bed. He smiled slightly.

“Eating your feelings in Whitman’s, huh?” he teased, tapping his nose. He could probably smell the chocolate.

You blushed and crossed your arms on reflex, but you grimaced when the motion made your ribs twinge sharply. You made a sound of discomfort and lowered your arms back to your sides. You shifted in the bed as slowly as you could. You’d been in this position for a while.

“How’re you holding up?” he asked.

“Oh, I’m peachy,” you groused. When you looked up at him though, you realized that he hadn't needed to come visit you. He was here of his own free will…and there was something you had yet to say to him. You sighed and met him with sincerity.

“Look…thank you, for saving me,” you said.

Ben inclined his head. He lowered down and sat beside you on the edge of your bed.

“You may not like how I run things here, but this is the way of it,” he said, holding your gaze. “This is the real fucking world. If you’re going to stay here, you need to get with that program, or this place is going to chew you up and spit you out.”

That fell between you two for a moment. The more you turned his words over in your mind, the more you realized that he was right, to a point. If you stayed, this was your life. You couldn’t keep handwringing. You had to be smarter.

“I’m sorry, I’m not looking very camera ready,” you said eventually. You meant it to be joking, but your voice was heavy. “I wouldn’t blame you for averting your eyes.”

You half expected him to make a joke about your black eye and torn lip. But to your surprise, Ben picked up your hand with a kind of gentleness. He raised the back of it up to his lips for a kiss. He gave you a reserved smile.

“Rest up,” he said.

He got up and strode out of your apartment. Not for the first time, he left you feeling unbalanced…and this time warm.

It took a few weeks for you to fully heal. You agreed to do an interview with Jason Carver, the anchor of Vought News. It was a bit intimidating being in yet another studio, and this was live.

The cameras aren’t there. This is just a stage like any other. You’re just…having a conversation, you coached yourself. You sat in an uncomfortable leather chair across from Jason at his desk.

When he got the green light from the producer, he kicked off the show by introducing you as his special guest.

“Can I just say, Sirena, we’re all very glad to see you’re all right,” he said, with a very convincing note of sincerity. Your abilities allowed you to read the truth.

Only show them what you want them to see.

You gave him a grateful smile.

“Thanks, Jason. I appreciate that. It’s just…hazards of the job description, you know?” you said. “But I’m doing much better, and I’m very thankful that my team was there to support me.”

“Yes, the rest of Payback really stepped up to not only apprehend your attacker, but round up the entire Reyes gang. Is that right?” he said.

You nodded, reading the teleprompter. You were meant to go on a mini monologue about how great your team was, and how grateful you were to be a part of it. It was a script approved by Madelyn, and even Stan Edgar.

You paused, glancing over to where Arthur and Madelyn stood in the dark with the rest of the crew. They were both looking at you encouragingly, but expectant.

You took a steadying breath, and you decided to go a bit off-script.

“Well, actually, it was Soldier Boy who saved me,” you said. Jason’s brows rose at your shift in direction, but he reacted with all due interest.

“Really?” he prodded.

“Yes, he did,” you said. The memories of that night filtered through your mind with harrowing detail, including the way Ben stepped in and brutally handled that man. “He didn’t even hesitate. He just threw himself into the fray…and when it was over, he carried me to the hospital himself.”

That part wasn’t exactly true. He’d carried you over to a Vought-owned SUV, and the director of the camera crew drove you over to the hospital. You decided to gloss over that detail, and many others.

“Wow,” Jason said. He shook his head in wonder. “He truly lives up to the legend, doesn’t he?”

You smiled. “He’s more than that. Believe it or not, Soldier Boy was the first one to take me under his wing. He knew I was new to the city, so he guided me all over New York to see the sights like a tourist. Stuff I’m sure he’s seen millions of times, like Top of the Rock and Times Square. Oh, and he was also very gracious when my nephew came to visit. Got me some major brownie points for ‘Best Aunt in the World.’”

That earned you a congenial smile from your host. Your expression faded with a kind of weight in your heart.

“Ever since I got here, he’s been the one to tell it like it is, with that deep, authoritative voice of his,” you said, laughing a little when you tried to imitate Ben’s voice. It got you a laugh, even from those in the studio. “In a way, he’s the one who’s looked out for me the most. I’m very grateful for Soldier Boy, and of course for the rest of my team.”

When you finished, Jason nodded and clapped along with everyone else in the studio.

“Well, that’s just wonderful. Well said,” he said, and he looked straight into the camera with two fingers poised at his temple. “Soldier Boy, if you’re watching, we all appreciate you. And we salute you.”

Ben watched the clip from his living room with a small, incredulous smile on his face.

He wiped the remnants of white powder from his nose and sneezed. Blinking the bleariness out of his eyes, he refocused on the screen while you talked about him. He knew you had to be playing it up for Jason and the cameras, but you also seemed so sincere.

“He’s more than that.”

After the segment was over, he enjoyed the climax of his high while sitting back on his plush sofa. He tossed up an old baseball from his collection up towards the ceiling, this one signed by Babe Ruth. He caught it when gravity pulled it back down towards his face.

That was how Donna found him when she let herself into his apartment. She was out of her suit and wearing a little red dress, one of his old favorites. She graced him with a sultry smile.

“Busy?” she asked.

“Evidently,” he said.

She pouted, almost like a little girl. She went to him and curled herself under his arm and against his chest, draping a smooth thigh over his.

“I miss you,” she purred.

He smiled wryly and turned off the TV.

“Really now?” he drawled. “Because by my calculations it’s been…what, a few months since we’ve fucked?”

Donna paused, the smile slipping from her face.

“And I’m not counting that hand job a couple weeks back. That shit was pitiful, and a little chafing,” he said.

For the past few months, he’d been wracking his brain to remember what it was that had attracted him to this woman, besides the obvious outer packaging. He knew the difference now.

In the beginning, she idolized him. Worshipped him. Loved him. These days, she only came to him when she wanted something, and he had gotten bored. Bored of her.

As if sensing his shift, Donna moved her leg off his lap and sat up with a frown.

“Well, then let me fix it,” she said, as she slid a hand up his thigh. Suddenly she was all too willing to use those red-painted lips to service him.

Ben couldn’t help but envision those lips as yours, a sinful red, while your mouth did sinful things. He’d gotten off more than once to the thought of it alone, ever since he shot that goddamn music video with you.

So he grabbed Donna’s wandering hand and looked at her coolly.

“Look, for whatever reason, I know you’re not happy,” he said, waving dismissively with his other hand. “Neither of us are. So let’s just stop wasting time.”

Her eyes widened. “What’re you saying?”

Ben’s brows furrowed. “Am I speaking fucking English? It’s time to call it quits, sweetheart.”

Donna’s jaw worked as she fought to keep herself under control. He had a feeling she’d be angry. She always was a little spitfire.

Her body was coiled like a spring when she withdrew her hand from his and got to her feet. She gave him an icy look.

“This isn’t going to last,” she claimed, with a prideful tilt of her chin. “In a month, a week, you’ll get tired of her. And you’ll remember that I’m the one who looks best by your side.”

Ben huffed in amusement before he laid back again. He continued to toss up his baseball.

“Keep telling yourself that,” he said dismissively.

Donna let loose an aggravated breath, but she kept most of her reaction inside. She turned on her heel, prideful as ever, and left his apartment.

When her fingers landed on the doorknob, however, she turned back for just a moment. Silence greeted her.

It wasn’t until then that her tears finally bubbled over.

Days later, a knock on your door drew your attention out of pulling on some jeans. You were intending to go on a walk through the city, take some time to get out of the Tower and just be you for a change.

That had better not be Madelyn at the door again. She had chastised you for going off-script at the studio twice already. She made the point that she and Stan had gone over those talking points for weeks, and agreed that framing your rescue as a team effort would cover Swatto as well.

He was still laid up with a broken leg, long after the scrape of the bullet had healed. He was tight-lipped about how he’d broken said leg, but you’d heard from Tommy that he’d shattered it…somehow.

Arthur had smoothed things over about your adlib though. He pointed out that talking positively about Soldier Boy helped the whole team. He was the leader, after all.

So yeah, you hoped this visit wasn’t another passive aggressive dress down from the head of PR. You sighed and went over to get the door. You were thoroughly surprised to see Ben.

And a Ben that was wearing a regular suit, for that matter. He looked like he’d stepped out of a Hugo Boss catalogue, steeped in charcoal gray with a long black coat draped over his arm. Your mouth parted in soft shock, especially when he produced a single rose from behind his back.

You took it with tentative fingers and a blush rising hotly in your cheeks.

“Okay, what—”

“Let me take you out,” he said. “One night. You’ll get to see what it’s like to be with the most famous man in the world.”

What an opening line that was. You sensed he was in full Charm City mode, complete with a suave smile. Yours was more amused, even though you twisted the flower's soft petals lightly on your chin in contemplation.

After a few seconds to think, you gave him a patient look.

“Ben, nothing’s changed for me. I told you, I–”

“Countess and I are done, for real this time,” he said.

Once again, you were taken by surprise—mostly because he was telling the truth. You felt it.

Your brows knitted together in confusion. “When did this happen?”

“Recently,” he shrugged. “But like I said, it hasn’t been working for a while. It was a mutual thing.”

You weren’t so sure about that, but…

This is what I wanted, you reminded yourself. In fact, it had been half what you’d hoped for when you went off-script. You just couldn’t believe it had worked this well, so soon. As much as you probably shouldn’t, part of you began to feel bad for manipulating him. For lying to him.

But it’ll be good for my career.

“…Okay,” you agreed, glancing down at your plain shirt and jeans. “Just give me some time to change.”

He raised a brow. “How much time?”

You gave him a slightly cheeky smile. “An hour, and I’ll meet you in the lobby.”

He sighed, but he agreed.

“Just don’t keep me waiting all fucking day,” he said.

“Come on. What’s a little delayed gratification?” you teased. Then you gave him a more sincere smile. “I’ll see you later.”

Ben nodded, with some added charm in the look he gave you in return.

You slipped back into your apartment and shut the door. You paused there when a thought struck you.

Shit, now what am I going to wear?

AN: Did you see that one coming?

A lot of darker angst and drama in this one, sorry for that. But I think you may like what's coming up...

Next Time:

You slid your hand over his on the table. You felt him stiffen slightly, his body tensing up at your touch. You frowned when you saw the glint of wariness cross his face.

“I won’t compel you again, Ben. I promise,” you said. As long as you don’t give me a reason to.

Your hand traveled up his arm, soothing along his neck, your palm finally resting against his cheek. His green eyes stared into yours.

Soon enough, his wariness bled away into desire.

▶️ Keep Reading: PART 6

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@waynes-multiverse @my-stories-vault @syrma-sensei @alwaystiredandconfused @globetrotter28

@mrsjenniferwinchester @charmed-asylum @waywardxwords @k-slla @deanbrainrotwritings

@jackles010378 @deans-daydream @deanwinchestersgirl87 @rachiem4-blog @just-levyy

@leigh70 @kmc1989 @ghostslillady @siampie @jessjad

@beautyvaliant @mimaria420 @kaleldobrev @pieandmonsters @twinkleinadiamondsky

@stoneyggirl2 @sl33pylilbunny @spnfamily-j2 @mostlymarvelgirl @artemys-ackles

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starbluekindo · 7 months ago

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LOML (part 1)

synopsis: you and victoria are destined to meet, not to be together.

cw: victoria neuman × fem!reader, a little angust, traumatic past (quoted), red river (quoted), reader is a supe with necromancy, childhood love.

a/n: guys, this is my first time and english is not my official language, so...idk what i mean

and sorry for all the references to taylor swift's songs (ilv her ✊🏻😔😭)

part!2 part!3

victoria carried with her a not very extensive baggage of regrets, especially because all the decisions she made in the past were with her future in mind. but that doesn't mean it was a clean path.

among the few regrets that victoria carried with her, you were the one that hurt the most in her chest. you. not sameer or hughie... but you, the little child in red river who she had to leave behind when stan edgar gave her an opportunity for change.

"i'll come back for you." she promised with such certainty back then that even she was convinced of it. making promises and wiping away your tears, struggling to hold on as you broke down. "i always come back".

it's not that you weren't happy for her, you were... but something inside you knew that this time would be different, victoria wouldn't come back like the other times. "i wait for you." and yet you promised to wait for her, even though you knew it would be the last time.

you kept your promise.

victoria was unable to fulfill hers.

you were only a few years younger than victoria- well, for you it was nadia. you were an isolated child in red river and had a lot of problems with adoption since most people didn't want a child with the powers you had. the children called you death, but you weren't death, you communicated with it and saw things that no one else could see. no one wanted a child who spoke to the dead.

not someone with good intentions.

luckily for you, an elderly woman with no heirs adopted you as her granddaughter when you were seventeen - three years after nadia left. your benefactress left all her poses to you and gave you the best education money could buy - why? she wanted to communicate with her late lover, who never had the opportunity to say goodbye or declare her true love. it was a sad, beautiful tragedy, but it helped you to have the good living conditions you have today. it helped you become the professional you are today.

"cosmopolitan" you told the bartender your order. it was one of those annual charity events that the company you inherited held every year, full of people who pretended to care about some social cause. this year? something to do with polar bears.

you cared about charity, you really tried to help all causes even if it was doing the minimum. however, it became exhausting having to smile at everyone there and pretend to believe their well-intentioned statements.

"whisky. neat." god, you'd recognize that damn voice even in hell, your head turning quickly to find it. so many years have passed, you two had new identities, new lives and yet... victoria remained the same. "you look great”

"you too" your response was quick, suddenly you felt like a child again as you stared into her eyes, your heart racing and your hands starting to sweat.

"it's been a long time" you wanted to punch her, you wanted to hug her, kiss her, you wanted to cry because she didn't keep her promise, you... you wanted her back.

"yeah... quite" you simply agreed without knowing what to do. the bartender handed you your drinks, but victoria's focus was on you and your focus... god, you couldn't even stay focused on the conversation.

victoria brought the whiskey to her lips, feeling the alcohol burn down her throat as her eyes remained on you. for a time she swore she was a mirage, a dream, perhaps even her own mind playing tricks on her. but as soon as you took the stage and gave your opening speech, victoria knew it was you, even after years she would never forget the voice of the woman she loved.

"i'm so sorry"

"nadia- victoria."

you quickly corrected yourself. she was no longer nadia, she was victoria neuman, congresswoman and vice president-elect of the united states.

"please" her hand wrapped around yours in a firm but comforting grip that made your breath hitch and automatically remind you of the days you spent together at the orphanage, when you would sneak out of your bed whenever you had a nightmare and go to the her arms "give me a chance to... repair things between us."

damn big brown eyes. you've never been able to say 'no' to her before, not when she looked at you that way. it's just that you were too resentful to give in now.

"miss neuman" your voice was a little low, but managed to be firm "i don't think we have anything to repair. i-i have nothing to talk to you about"

"sweetheart..."

"no. not after all this time... i-i waited for you for 13 years, i stayed right where you left me while you moved on with your life. i kept my promise."

your words hit victoria squarely in the chest, it was as if her heart had been stabbed ten times. she saw the hurt in your eyes, she saw that you were hurt and she hated herself for that, she hated having made you suffer and most of all she hated herself for not keeping her promise.

"i'm here now" she was silently begging you to listen to her, you could see the guilt in her eyes and the silent desperation in her mind. "please”

a/n: guys I really tried 😭😭😭

maybe a part 2?

#victoria neuman x reader #victoria neuman #i miss my girlfriend #come back pls #loml #the boys #the boys x reader #fem!reader

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navybrat817 · 6 months ago

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Calgon, Take Me Away

Pairing: Reader's Choice

Word Count: 900

Warnings: None really. Reader is just done with some parts of adulting. 😂

A/N: We know @biteofcherry , @bucks-and-noble , and others love to do Choose Your Babe and similar variations. With the next couple of weeks being busy, busy, busy, I just want someone to be like Calgon and take me away. 😌

It was an average day as you had lunch with a friend. Nothing out of the ordinary. Both of you took turns trading topics of discussion. Work naturally came up, which made you think of money and relationships. How broke you were. Lonely. Exhausted. You couldn't hold it in.

“You know what? I’m sick of my job. I wish I could just quit,” you said, narrowing your eyes when your friend giggled. “I’m serious. I’m tired of it. I work my ass off, but I'm not going anywhere. I don't feel accomplished when I’m done at the end of the day and I dread hearing my alarm because it’s just another day of having to push through it. But I can't quit because I have to pay my bills. And I'm tired of being tired.”

Even saying the words wore you out.

She asked once your rant was over, “What’s the solution then?”

“I wish I knew,” you answered. You couldn't exactly quit without a plan in place. “If someone could just... I don't know, take me away, it would solve my problem.”

“Take you away?” She raised an eyebrow when you nodded. “How would that solve your problem? Sure, someone takes you away for a bit, but you’d have to go right back to work after your vacation because you'd still have bills. That or you'd have to find another job if you're gone for too long.”

“No, because it wouldn't be a vacation. It would be something more permanent,” you said, a dreamy look taking over your expression. “He would decide my new job is just taking care of myself. And taking care of him, of course.”

She blinked. It sounded crazy to your own ears, but you meant it. “So, you'd be a housewife?”

“Sort of. I guess? Housewife, sugar baby, whatever he needs.” She stared as you paused to take a drink. “He'd let me have hobbies because he wants me to be happy, but I wouldn't have to stress about a job I hate and I'd actually sleep and feel rested when I wake up. I wouldn't have to worry about anything.”

“A guy like that is probably married or a serial dater.”

“This one wouldn't be. He’d be devoted to me,” you said before you corrected yourself. “We’d be devoted to each other.”

Your friend playfully rolled her eyes. “And you think some guy is just going to show up and decide, 'Yeah! I'll make her my little housewife or sugar baby or whatever and I’ll be faithful and worship her!' Really?”

Your head hung for a moment. “A girl can dream, okay?”

“Look. You don't actually want that. You just hate your job right now. Maybe you'll find something else and it'll get better.”

“I've tried finding something else,” you reminded her, doing your best not to whine. “I've been trying for months and the light at the end of the tunnel is only getting further away.”

“Well, not to shit on your dream, but no one is going to show up and take you away,” she said, finishing the rest of her drink. She was being logical, of course, but why couldn't she let you fantasize for a moment? “That's reality. It sucks, I know.”

You deflated a bit and pushed the remainder of your food around your plate. You shouldn't have said anything. “It would still be nice if someone did,” you muttered.

But it was a dream, nothing more.

Someone clearing their throat at the table beside you pulled you from your thoughts. You gasped when you looked his way. He was one of the most handsome men you had ever seen. “Sorry for interrupting, but what’s your name?”

You shrugged at your friend before you answered him.

“That’s a beautiful name,” he smiled, making your cheeks feel hot. “I couldn't help but overhear your problem. I think I can help if you're serious.”

Your friend's eyes were as large as saucers, no doubt noticing just how hot he was. “Wait. Really?” You asked.

This gorgeous man heard everything you said and wanted to make your fantasy a reality?

Your heart fluttered when he smiled more. “Really.”

“You're fucking with her right?” Your friend scoffed. “You thought it'd be a funny joke to say that? That's pretty fucked up. You should mind your own business.”

His gaze flickered toward her. “And I think it's pretty fucked up that this beautiful gem is on the verge of tears because she's unhappy and you'd rather roll your eyes and brush off her feelings,” he said, directing his gaze back at you once he finished.

Both of you gasped, you from shock that he defended you and her from offense. “That. That's not what I did!” She argued.

“She’s just trying to keep my feet on the ground,” you said to keep the peace. There was no reason to make a scene.

He softly smiled. “Well, I'd like to pay for your meal, if you'll let me,” he said, flagging the server down before he leaned over to hand you a business card with a wink. There was no ring on his ring finger, which was a good sign. “And I really can help you with your problem. So, if you're interested, call me.”

You glanced at the card in your hand and ran your thumb along the name…

Whose name is it?

Well. Who is it, lovelies? Love and thanks for playing! ❤️

#navybrat writes #choose your own adventure #reader's choice #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x female reader #bucky barnes #sebastian stan characters #chris evans characters #henry cavill characters #charlie hunnam characters #x reader #x female reader #bnchooseyourbabe #reader insert

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bonny-kookoo · 1 year ago

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oh my GOD ninny- i LOVED the fricking drabble for princess! Please, force feed us more!!!! 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

Let's see.. oh yeah, how about I tell you about the time he put MC on her fridge?

"We bought that for the entire week, not just today." Jungkook scolds you, closing the fridge again right into your face. "You can't just eat everything at once." He explains, and you cross your arms, annoyed.

"It's not like I don't have the money for it." You huff, glaring at him. "It wasn't even all that expensive-"

"But it's wasteful." He argues. "You'll open all the packages, and then stuff gets bad quicker. Wasting food is a no-go." He denies you, and nod after a moment, feeling a bit ashamed about it.

Jungkook is really trying to help you get used to a normal life- because he plans on making that a possibility for you, once he gets you out of that slave contract. And its obvious he, to some degree, has to start at the very basics of living on your own, and that includes things such as this. You've never learned how to pace your emotions at all, and so he can't blame you for getting so overly excited about all the groceries you bought today- wanting to eat them all at once, no feeling of hunger or appetite at all.

Or more so, you have a constant appetite, at all times- but no idea how to really listen to your body if it's just a craving, or genuine hunger.

And it's not just food you seem to have this problem with- it's also other aspects of life. Be it at dance practice where you can get so excited about things that you almost faint on him due to exhaustion, and whenever you're comfortable, you'll sleep until you get a headache from it. You have barely any feeling for time, you never got taught how to use money and how to value it, and you also never been out as much as these days with him.

He will probably forever remember that ride on the bus with you, simply because you were so in awe of everything around you. In a way, it's also interesting to him, because all the things that are normal and boring to him, are mesmerizing to you.

The second he's not looking at you however, you're back at the fridge, and frankly, he's had enough of your antics today. So with not much thought, he picks you up, and puts you right on top of the small fridge you have in your apartment, before stepping back.

"Let me down!" You argue, but he just shakes his head. "This isn't funny-"

"Never said it was." He tells you. "But you get what you deserve. I told you, you've been really testing me today, and I can really only take so much." He explains, making your curled tail unravel in shame as you realize how exhausting you must've been for him. And the moment he sees that, he walks closer again, carefully getting you back down to look at you. "I'm not angry at you. Just a little exhausted." He jokes, and you nod.

"M' sorry." You apologize, but he just pets your head playfully, before he walks towards your couch, where you sit down as well. "What're you doing?" You ask, and he shrugs, before he lays down.

"I need to recharge." He tells you. "Babysitting is making me tired, you know?" He teases, but much to his surprise, you instead quietly lay down next to him, even going as far as to cuddle up, before you wait, most likely for any sort of reaction.

But all you get, is his arm around you, pulling you in more comfortably-

quietly accepting not only the close proximity, but so much more.

#bts fanfic #bts imagine #bts fic #jungkook imagine #jeon jungkook x reader #jeon jungkook imagine #bts jungkook imagine #hybrid imagine #bts jungkook fanfic #bts jungkook x reader #jungkook x reader #bts jeon jungkook imagine #jeon jungkook imagines #jungkook imagines

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k0nanharv3y · 26 days ago

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I'm too hungry and my sleepless hours count has gotten longer, I should be resting for my day tomorrow. BUT TIM JUST WON'T GET OUT OF MY HEAD. Oh, yeah, and read the tags THE TAGS HAVE MORE INFORMATION!!!!

Robin Hood AU Part 3

Part 1 (because somehow people like this?)

Part 2 (why I'm i writing this anyway?)

///

Tim wasn't... he didn't want this.

He wanted to stop Ra's at any cost, yes, but... Gotham paid for it. It wasn't his finest hour, god, it wasn't even close to his worst hour, this was an aberration in his history, it wasn't part of the plan (if he had one) it wasn't his intention and it never had been. But he can't find the strength in himself to stop and regret that he killed innocent people.

At least Ra's would never return to Gotham for his head, all he would find would be too many poisons with no cure

It wasn't his brightest idea to start a chemical war against the League of Assassins. Nor will it be his best plan to face the Devil face to face (whom he only defeated with the power of Anime and God -and lots and lots of Joker gas-) and win when Ra's ran away with his tail between his legs because not only was he defeated by a 15-year-old boy, but that same boy digitally destroyed the League of Assassins and emptied all their accounts to send the money to a slum in Crime Alley? Damn Robin Hood.

But innocent blood was shed

Tim had devised a perfect combination of chemical weapons that would destroy the strongest mind and had made his own mask against it, any hole in your body would be a route for the gas to sneak in and destroy you from within. Tim had made his own homemade, airtight version of a semi-functional suit and if his mask had any design it was mere coincidence (Tim didn't want people to know about it, he just wanted revenge)

And Batman? Batman couldn't do anything before he was right in front of his nose. Tim had made sure to move so silently that Batman only noticed that a chemical war was going on in his city when the gas in the air was so thick it looked like smoke

But Tim wasn't a monster, he sent the antidote to all the hospitals and warned them in advance so they would be prepared... if the hospitals didn't listen to him then it was their fault, not Tim's

Batman only arrived to hear Ra's swearing about a "New Young Detective" and "Damn stupid kid" as he fled. And if he found himself stuck between following Ra's, stopping Robin Hood, or helping the civilians then that's his problem. Nightwing stayed in Gotham to help the victims and clean up the water supply because damn it, Gotham, why did it have to rain today, Red Hood took care of distributing the antidote on the streets, Orphan stayed with Batman to look for Robin Hood, Spoiler kept up his normal patrol (Because DAMN IT, GOTHAM WON'T STOP BEING GOTHAM EVEN IF THERE WAS FUCKING CHEMICAL WARFARE IN THE CITY PARK) with his eyes open for any Robin Hood sightings, Robin reluctantly went to check out the hospitals and pretended not to enjoy being able to help the nurses, and Oracle tried to keep track of all the transactions and mass destruction done to the League of Assassins

And Tim? Tim, for the first time in... his entire life, sat in his room... and cried like a tired 4-year-old. Tired of fighting, tired of taking care of himself, tired of having his whole life revolve around other adults, tired... just plain exhausted. He cried for his dead father, his dead mother, the childhood he never had, what he sacrificed, the people he killed, his future. And he held a funeral in his small apartment, where Timothy Drake, for the first time, had someone cry for him.

Part 4 for some reason???

Part 5 O_o?

Part 6, I don't know how long this'll be

Part 7.5 👻👻

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pois00nivy · 1 month ago

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Call it what you want

Summary: She's always worried about helping others. What about someone worrying about her?

Pairing: 2!F x Saphic! reader

Warnings: violence, suicide atempt mentioned, fluff, kissing, kind of slown burn, english is not my first lenguage, also reader is 8f, eight floor is nine and the others dont change, lmk if i miss anything!

Wc: 1.3k

A/N: Never thought this would be my first fanfic, but since i didn't found any fic about her and i'm obssesed, and also she deserved better :cc i've just decided to write this!

♡ . ` ~

Before meeting her in the game, you had seen her a couple of times around; you worked in the same place. Her tough and reserved, yet genuinely altruistic attitude had always caught your attention. You never had the courage to approach her, using the excuse of being too immersed in your own problems.

She also used to stare but never made a move.

You weren’t surprised to see her there, in the 'show'; it only saddened you to think about the situations that had brought her to that point. You understood it in people like yourself, too selfish to care about someone they didn’t know. But even from her disadvantaged position, she found ways to help those in need.

How sad that life had brought her here anyway. You wondered if it had somehow contributed, recalling the times she endured suffering in exchange for helping someone else. You also remembered how you had been about to end your life before the notifications started coming in.

Had she been about to do the same?

From the moment you chose the number eight and followed the instructions on the platform, you knew that even though it seemed like you couldn’t die, the explicit mention that everything would end if you did meant rough days were ahead.

Who would give money without expecting anything in return?

Despite your distrust, you decided to join because it was much more hopeful than what you had almost done just hours ago.

She seemed surprised by your presence.

She let you approach her silently before starting to trust you. Despite the attraction she also felt, trust was more important.

When everyone grouped up to divide shifts for climbing the stairs, you got assigned two consecutive days of climbing followed by two days of rest, to make it fair for everyone.

Of course, she would do this.

You thought when she volunteered to go up and down the stairs so first floor could rest. That day, you were also doing your part, so you simply shared your food with her, as she didn’t want 1st Floor to stop eating because of her.

The next time, if you hadn’t been too exhausted, you would have volunteered first so she wouldn’t have to. Still, later, when you saw her red-faced and working for the fourth consecutive day, you did it and insisted that she rest.

“No, let me. You’ve been working for two days.” She protested.

“You’ve worked three. I can rest tomorrow.” Reluctantly, she agreed.

When it was time to vote, you went to the corner where she was hiding.

“I think I’ll vote for ninenth. What about you?” she asked.

“Some will probably vote for third floor. I’m undecided between ninenth or abstaining,” you said, pausing and making eye contact with her. “Anyway, I’ve never sent my trash to one, and I’m not starting now.”

She nodded in agreement. What was the point? Why couldn’t everyone just take care of their own trash?

Later, you met with 1f and decided to support by voting against the top floor.

Days passed, trying to extend your time here, and during breaks, you spent time together.

By the end of the night, your thoughts were filled with her.

When will she make the next move? Should I? What if she thinks I’m just being kind?

“Can I trust you?” Everyone was in their rooms resting, and you were beside her on the swings in the park.

The days of hunger imposed by the unbearable person from the top floor had ended after 3rd and 4rth Floor apologized, just before everyone gathered to decide what to do next.

“Why do you ask?” you responded, part of you offended by the question.

“This peace won’t last forever.”

“I know. I’ve been thinking about what will happen when simple games and dramas are no longer enough.” Both of you fell silent. “I’ll stand by your side,” you said, wondering if you hadn’t made it clear enough before.

Her face lit up, and you wished you could be closer.

“Great, because I also want to stand by yours.” Compared to how you only exchanged glances without words before, you were grateful to trust her and especially to have her trust in you, knowing she also needed reassurance since she was usually the one providing it.

Later that day, during the King game, it was 8's Floor turn, with a promising challenge—until 2nd Floor raised her hand.

She had to kiss someone, but that someone wasn’t going to be you. She immediately looked at you expectantly, and you were already watching her. Her eyes reflected… disappointment? When you didn’t raise your hand, Floor 3 did instead.

Your heart almost stopped, and a knot formed in your stomach, almost worse than the pain from days without eating.

You relaxed briefly when she refused. But then, she had to fight Sixth Floor. How you hated him. You were sure she would beat him like the other day, but you didn’t want her to get hurt.

The fight started in her favor, and you enjoyed watching her throw him to the ground, waiting for him to recover a bit before immobilizing him again. Still, you were worried because the fight would last long; his pride wouldn’t let him give up easily.

Your brief happiness at seeing her land another hit faded when she showed a moment of weakness, and it clicked.

Of course, she still hadn’t recovered from hitting the tiles a few days ago. Damn it. You knew this rivalry wouldn’t lead to anything good (though you admired her bravery in facing 6th Floor, who always tried to stay ahead of everyone).

A moment later, he hit her hard enough to keep her from getting up, pressing on her still-delicate hand with brutal force. The following seconds were torture to watch, tormenting you further as no one could separate him from her, and she refused to give up. When the fight ended, you wanted to tear that idiot to pieces, and your heart broke at the sight of her bloodied face.

Fifth Floor and you took her to her room while Floor fourth asked the elevator for supplies to treat her. After leaving her there, you rushed to your room, bought medicine to ease her pain, and sent it to her floor along with a bandage for her hand. You went back down, where Floor 5 finished treating her. You helped bandage her hand.

When Floors fifth and fourth left, her eyes were filled with tears, her face temporarily disfigured. She squeezed your hand as if afraid you’d leave too.

“Please don’t go”

“I wasn’t planning to. I’d rather stay here. You always worry about others; it’s time someone worries about you"

You pulled her close to comfort her, wrapping your arms around her. She leaned into you, resting her head on your shoulder as she brought her arms to your waist.

You ran a hand through her hair, gently caressing her head, trying to help her find peace.

“You should’ve kissed him,” you said.

“I don’t regret not doing it.” She pulled back slightly to look into your eyes. “He’s not the one I want to kiss.”

Your heart raced as the tension grew. You kept eye contact before she brought your face closer to hers, finally joining your lips in a slow kiss. You followed her immediately but carefully, afraid of hurting her.

You wondered how many minutes the clock would add at that moment, disgusted for a moment at the thought of men watching, but forgetting about it soon, when her eager grew as she kissed you more fervently, holding your waist tighter and pulling you as close as possible until you both separated, breaths heavy as you tried to catch them.

“Now that the violence has started, there’s no going back,” you said, and she nodded. "You can trust me,” you answered the question she had asked hours ago.

“You can trust me too.”

#the 8 show #t8s #2F #Floor2 #wlw #second floor #saphic content #lesbians #lgbtq #fanfic

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ohdorothea · 4 months ago

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This tournament is being run by and for queer fans so please keep that in mind! Homophobes will be blocked on sight <3 More polls here and more info here! Lyrics for the songs and FAQ under the cut!

Labyrinth lyrics

It only hurts this much right now

Was what I was thinking the whole time

Breathe in, breathe through, breathe deep, breathe out

I'll be getting over you my whole life

You know how scared I am of elevators

Never trust it if it rises fast

It can't last

Uh oh, I'm falling in love

Oh no, I'm falling in love again

Oh, I'm falling in love

I thought the plane was going down

How'd you turn it right around?

It only feels this raw right now

Lost in the labyrinth of my mind

Break up, break free, break through, break down

You would break your back to make me break a smile

You know how much I hate

That everybody just expects me to bounce back

Just like that

Uh oh, I'm falling in love

Oh no, I'm falling in love again

Oh, I'm falling in love

I thought the plane was going down

How'd you turn it right around?

Uh oh, I'm falling in love

Oh no, I'm falling in love again

Oh, I'm falling in love

I thought the plane was going down

How'd you turn it right around?

Uh oh, I'm falling in love (falling in love)

Oh no, I'm falling in love again (falling in love again)

Oh, I'm falling in love (falling in love)

I thought the plane was going down

How'd you turn it right around?

Uh oh, I'm falling in love (falling in love)

Oh no, I'm falling in love again (falling in love again)

Oh, I'm falling in love (falling in love)

I thought the plane was going down

How'd you turn it right around?

(You know how much I hate it)

🫶🫶🫶

Anti-Hero lyrics

I have this thing where I get older, but just never wiser

Midnights become my afternoons

When my depression works the graveyard shift, all of the people

I've ghosted stand there in the room

I should not be left to my own devices

They come with prices and vices

I end up in crisis

(Tale as old as time)

I wake up screaming from dreaming

One day, I'll watch as you're leaving

'Cause you got tired of my scheming

(For the last time)

It's me, hi, I'm the problem, it's me

At teatime, everybody agrees

I'll stare directly at the sun, but never in the mirror

It must be exhausting always rooting for the anti-hero

Sometimes, I feel like everybody is a sexy baby

And I'm a monster on the hill

Too big to hang out, slowly lurching toward your favorite city

Pierced through the heart, but never killed

Did you hear my covert narcissism

I disguise as altruism

Like some kind of congressman?

(A tale as old as time)

I wake up screaming from dreaming

One day, I'll watch as you're leaving

And life will lose all its meaning

(For the last time)

It's me, hi, I'm the problem, it's me (I'm the problem, it's me)

At teatime, everybody agrees

I'll stare directly at the sun, but never in the mirror

It must be exhausting always rooting for the anti-hero

I have this dream my daughter-in-law kills me for the money

She thinks I left them in the will

The family gathers 'round and reads it and then someone screams out

"She's laughing up at us from Hell"

It's me, hi

I'm the problem, it's me

It's me, hi

I'm the problem, it's me

It's me, hi

Everybody agrees, everybody agrees

It's me, hi (Hi), I'm the problem, it's me (I'm the problem, it's me)

At teatime (Teatime), everybody agrees (Everybody agrees)

I'll stare directly at the sun, but never in the mirror

It must be exhausting always rooting for the anti-hero

🫶🫶🫶

The question is which song is queerer to you! Queerer can mean whatever you want it to mean; you might consider a song queer because you think it was written that way, or because of Swiftian lore. It might be queer to you because of how you relate it to your own life. Maybe you think from a purely literary standpoint the lyrics have queer themes; maybe you're just thinking about vibes!!!

If you’d like to send in interpretations or propaganda for a specific song you can send them to my inbox! All interpretations are welcome and let’s be open and kind in response to all interpretations <3

#tsqst

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deadnymph8 · 9 months ago

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AEGON II TARGARYEN X READER

content warnings⚠️ loss of virginity (for you), small age gap (3 years), slightly older women/younger man, p in v sex, aegon being a pervy loser, we love it though, small use of Y/N, chubby aegon, always drunk aegon, small bit of public groping, no protection

Notes: Posted originally to ao3 but I took it down and fixed it up a bit. Still this was like my first fanfiction in 7 years so be nice or I'll cry (also haven't used this app in like 8 years forgive me)

In you're teenage years you were the next door neighbor to one of the richest family's in westeros. You weren't necessarily born rich you only lived next door because you're mom ended up re marrying some rich CEO millionaire and swiftly moved in with him.

You're step dad was pretty close with the owner of the house next door Viserys targaryen and due to that you had become accustom to all his children.

You were older then all of them closest in age being the eldest boy aegon, he was three years younger than you but you were close enough in age to get along and become somewhat friends.

You assumed that was why alicent the mother of the children and Viserys's wife came to you and asked you to babysit her kids for a weekend. You were a trusted friend and while yes they could hire a nanny you were told the last one ended up quiting after only a month. newly turned 13 year old aegon broke into the wine cabinet and got plastered.

You didn't get details on the rest but you knew it must have been a bad night since they were struggling to find a new nanny who could stay longer than a month.

Alicents last resort was to ask someone she thought could connect better with the kids, mainly aegon since he was the biggest problem. She needed a strong role model and someone aegon was familiar with. after seeing how aegon behaved in you're presence she thought you to be the perfect candidate for the job and so you accepted.

"I don't need a babysitter I'm 13 for fucks sake!" Aegon argued to his mother as you stood behind her.

"You aren't responsible enough to be trusted alone and that's the last of it!" His mother yelled back. Looking clearly frustrated and exhausted as if she had done this a million times.

You stood to the side of alicent now already feeling uncomfortable. You'd probably be upset aswell if you were in aegon's shoes but alicent insisted she needed a good influence like you.

Aegon stormed off slamming the door of his room. "I'm sorry dear, he won't bother you I've made sure all alcohol is put away...all you need to do is keep him in the house" alicent spoke giving you the rundown on you're job. You took in everything she said, she told you that you wouldn't be completely alone.

They still had a housekeeper that would come in mornings and clean up and you didn't need to worry that much.

That night actually went pretty smooth. Aegon was grumpy and hid in his room most the night while you played with the younger kids on their xbox. Things actually went so well that alicent asked you to come back again.

It actually felt nice getting some of you're own money aswell and to be independent for once

Babysitting had become a regular occurrence for you for awhile. Alicent always praised you for just how well you did with aegon.

Eventually though you turned 18 and you got into college, not the one you wanted but it was only a few hours away and finally gave you a chance to escape you're house and live on you're own.

And how did aegon feel about this? He should feel happy, You were nothing more than a neighbor his mother hired to hover around him and keep him out of trouble. He resented you for that, he hated how pretty you were, how sweet you were to him.

He should be cheering knowing he would have some freedom but with you gone the only thing he felt was this overwhelming feeling of emptiness and loneliness.

He always found himself searching for you're praise. He'd actually get himself to do homework just so he could hear you talk about how proud you were of him.But now with you gone he didn't have a reason to try anymore and almost immediately he fell back into bad habits. Drinking, partying, drugs and sex. He did it all and no matter how much he did over the next three years he could never get rid of that aching empty feeling deep down.

When aegon turned 18 his mother began demanded he go to college. Demanded he make something of himself. He didn't bother trying with any of the big colleges he just found the closest one and decided that was good enough for him to keep his mom off his back. Even if he didn't get in with his grades he'd get in easy being as rich as he was. His father could just drop a generous donation and he'd get in with no problem at all. So when he arrived of course aegon joined the biggest frat on campus. The partys, the girls and the drugs. It all came so easy to him now.

When his frat decided to put on yet another rager he didn't think much of it. After three months here it was becoming his normal. He walked passed the group of drunk college kids, a drink in his hand as he wondered through the halls of the frat house probably long faded by now. originally his mind was set on getting wasted and maybe he'd bang a cheerleader if he was still able to stand.

He turned to the kitchen wanting to refill his cup when his eyes wondered on the back of a girl grabbing a soda off the counter. Something about her was so familiar but he couldn't see her face to find out why.

Mabey one of his many one night stands? or an old classmate oh his? She wasn't dressed like the other girls around. She was dressed casual, Wearing some jeans and a baggy sweatshirt. She definitely looked out of place compared to the small crop tops and short dresses most girls chose to wear.

He began taking a few steps closer. He didn't know why but he felt drawn in to her and when she finally turned around nothing could have fully prepared him for what he saw. You.

It was you. an uncomfortable and nearly sad look on you're face as you opened up your coke and took a drink, eyes wondering around the room full of dancing college kids until they fell on him. For a moment you both just stared at each other, neither really knowing what to say.

"Egg? What are you doing here?" You finally asked breaking the small awkward silence that fell between you both.

That stupid little nickname. Hearing it after so long made his heart race a bit. He always hated when you used to call him that but now hearing it again after so long he'd grown to miss it. Crave it even. Aegon didn't know why but a part of him almost felt embarrassed. Shame even. Her seeing him absolutely wasted after three years of not speaking.

"I'm uh- I'm in the frat" he responded and snapped himself back into reality. "and why are you here? I mean clearly you don't want to be" aegon swiftly added leaning against the kitchen counter in an attempt to go back to his normal self.

"was it really that obvious" you thought to yourself self. "My friend dragged me here...said I should let lose or whatever" you sighed. "And are you? Letting lose?" Aegon couldn't help but smirk at the idea.

He always had a weird fascination with you. All those times you slept over and he'd sneak into your bag of packed clothes and steal you're little white lace panties.

All those times he'd jerk himself off into them imagining himself buried deep inside of you're soaked cunt. All those times he'd spy on you changing through the crack in the bathroom door.

All those dirty dirty memories rushing back to him all at once.

"Absolutely not" The truth was you never cared for partys, you stuck to you're studys and kept to yourself. If it wasn't for you're best friend Tina you'd never consider coming to a place like this on a sunday night before class. You haven't even dated anyone before. You went on a couple dates but ultimately you decided love had no place for you right now.

You needed to focus on you're studys not a relationship

"So...why haven't you left? If you hate it here why not just go home and watch those hot vampire movies you love so much" Aegon always did love teasing you on you're intrests.

It used to annoy you to no ends. "My friend is my ride and she's...busy" you sighed again remembering how you're friend Tina decide to completely ditch you to go off with some guy Leaving you to try and waste time as you waited for her to get done with her boy toy and take you back to you're dorm were you could sleep off the day and this party.

"Why not walk? The dorms aren't far from here?" He asked making you laugh slightly "Walking alone as a woman at night isn't the safest idea eggs" you had pepper spray yes but you really didn't want to risk any trouble especially with a bunch of drunk frat boys all over.

"Why don't I walk you? I need some fresh air anyway" aegon knew he wanted to talk to you, he knew he couldn't let you walk away so easily and now he finally had his excuse. He had spent the past three years missing you're presence and he wouldn't waste the opportunity to get it back.

You took a second to agree but as you looked around at the room of drunk people dancing and making you you knew what you're awnser would be

"Sounds good to me get me out of here" you smiled at him. Gods how he missed that smile. You followed him out of the frat house feeling a sense of relief to be away from the crowd and the loud music blasting in you're ears.

"Soo how's college been?" Aegon hummed walking side by side with you. He looked so smug he always did but what did you really expect from a rich kid who got everything handed to him.

You almost hated how attractive it was. Before you never thought of him of like that but seeing him now, grown. It was like something just broke inside you. It couldn't be attraction? Right?

"It's been fine I guess just a bunch of the same for me, studying and learning and more studying" you rolled you're eyes already feeling exhausted just thinking about it.

"So no boyfriend I'm assuming?" Aegon's smile grew wider. You couldn't tell if he was teasing you or mocking you but either way you rolled you're eyes and refused to give him a response.

He laughed seeing you go quiet "I knew it" he crossed his arms acrossed his chest making frown in annoyance.

"You don't need to rub it in eggs" you sighed as the two of you approached campus and walked up to the dormitories.

"I'm not rubbing in I'm actually glad you're single makes things easier for me" he hummed almost immediately his words made you tense up.

"Excuse me?" you tried to act calm seeing as you couldn't tell if he was being serious or if it was just another one of his many games.

You remembered aegon was always a bit of a flirt even a creep at times with the few times you had caught his eyes wondering to you're chest or hips.

You told yourself he was just a horny teenager and it didn't mean anything.

"Come on Y/N I know you heard me" he said back as you both walked down the hall of the dorms stopping as you reached you're door.

"What are you trying to do here" You finally asked but in response aegon only smirked at you

"you're a smart girl Y/N don't act clueless with me" Before you could speak aegon stepped closer and backed you into you're door frame making a small gasp slip from you're lips.

You told yourself it was the alcohol or whatever drug he could be on that was making him this bold but the way he looked at you let you knew just how serious he really was.

"Do you even know how much I've missed you these past three years how much I have yearned for you" aegon whispered his hands now wondering to you're waist while his head moved to you're neck planting small kisses on you're skin.

"Aegon-" you whined, hands resting on his chest as if you were about to push him away but you couldn't get yourself to do it.

"Ive probably jerked myself off thinking of you more times than i can count" Aegon's hands began wondering up you're sweatshirt to you're than waist to you're breasts, groping you right in the middle of the hallway.

"We shouldn't do this" You gulped before reaching you're hand to the handle of you're door and twisting it open "Not here" Aegon kept his grip on you while you pulled him into you're dorm hoping it was late enough and no one you knew would have seen what just happened.

Now that you were all alone aegon didn't hesitate to pull you close and slam his lips against yours. It didn't take long for both of you to fall ontop of you're bed while he climbed on top of you, hands wondering up you're hoodie to grope you once again.

You took it upon yourself to pull away from the kiss and yank you're hoodie off you're head.

"You're fucking stunning always have been" he whispered before his hands moved to try unclip the straps of you're bra and pull it off you revealing you're bare breasts to him.

He stared almost in a trance, he wasn't going to lie. he had definitely seen your boobs before during the many times he'd spy on you change but having them up close was something completely different.

His hands moved to play with your nipples making a small moan slip from your lips, he smiled in response pleased with himself.

"I knew you'd be sensitive" before you could say anything he latched onto one of your breasts and began to softly nibble at your soft flesh making you squirm underneath him.

"I uh- I should tell you something" you quickly cut him off making him look up and turn his head up at you.

"I've never done anything like this before" You finally spat it out making his smile only grow more.

Not only was he getting to sleep with the girl of his dreams but he got the pleasure of being her very first. "You're still a virgin?" He questioned and you simply nodding back shyly.

"That's ok don't worry I'll make it good for you" he leaned in and kissed your cheek before discarding his own shirt to the side.

Aegon wasn't the most well built, he didn't have abs in fact he actually had a small bit of a tummy on him. You didn't mind of course, you found every inch of him to be perfect.

You moved your hands to the buttons of your jeans and began pulling them down a delighted look on Aegon's face as he did the same to himself. Before long you were both in your underwear, aegon kissing down your neck leaving small marks as he went along. "People will see those" you whined.

"That's the plan doll" his hands wondering up you're thighs to the waistband of your panties tugging at them before he slipped a finger inside and began running his finger along you're slit.

"You're so wet" aegon whispered in your ear before slipping a finger inside of you.

You whimpered a bit as he began slowly moving his finger in and out of you and once he felt you were ready he added in a second, thrusting his fingers deep inside you're tight wet cunt.

"Aegon please" you moaned his name Sounding like a angel to him, an angel he could not wait to corrupt.

You arched your back feeling his fingers hit a sensitive spot inside you. "Gonna cum for me baby? You can do it be a good girl and spill yourself on my hand"

You nodded in response the feeling of your peak rising quicker and quicker. You wrapped your arms around his shoulders hiding your head in his chest as you came moaning out against him.

You panted softly coming down from your high as he pulled his fingers back and yanked off your panties finally. Next he pulled down his own boxers revealing his leaking throbbing cock.

"I don't think I've ever been this hard" he gasped as he began slightly stroking himself spreading his precum to lube up his cock. you were a bit worried seeing his size, he definitely was bigger than you expected.

Aegon grabbed your legs opening them up before lining himself up with your slit.

"Be gentle please" you asked making him plant a soft kiss on your lips. "Tell me if it hurts" he replied before he began pushing the tip of his cock inside earning a small gasp from you.

He pushed inside inch by inch until he was fully inside, bottoming out on top you as small moans of his own slipped out. "So good baby- so tight so perfect" he panted a bit feeling you squeeze tight around him.

"So big" you whined as aegon kissed down your neck again, in an attempt to Soothe you're discomfort.

He couldn't remember a time he'd ever been so caring and affectionate with a girl, no that was just you. You did something to him. Something that he just couldn't understand. An overwhelming need to protect you and keep you close

He made sure to wait a minute before beginning to thrust himself, moving his hand to play with your clit in another attempt to help take away your pain. You clung onto him as he picked pace, getting faster and faster.

He knew he said he'd be gentle but you were so damn irresistible he couldn't stop his instincts to just ravage you like a dog in heat. Soon the pain left little by little and it was replaced with pleasure.

The mixed sounds of both of your whimpers and moans filling your dorm room. "So beautiful baby" aegon whispered between his small pants and moans in you're ear "Everything I've always dreamed of- fuck- I need you I need you" his hands grabbed your hips slamming you further down onto him.

"I want you so bad- be mine please baby say you'll be mine" he was a mess he knew he was but so were you. "I'm yours aegon im all yours-" you quickly choked out. The Small tears in you're eyes driving him crazy.

Those words alone were all aegon needed to finally reach his peak, being so caught up in the moment he hadn't even bothered to ask if you were on the pill before spilling every drop of his seed deep inside of you. He continued to hold you a part of him worried if he let go you'd leave again.

"All mine" he kissed your cheek softly still attempting to catch his breath "all yours" you smiled at him, That same smile that he had loved for years now, the same smile he promised he'd never let go of again

#aegon targaryen x reader #aegon ii targaryen #aegon ii x reader #aegon ii targaryen x reader #aegon targaryen x you #aegon targaryen ii

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quinloki · 11 months ago

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Sooo imagine reader/ y/n escapes, they get to an island for a couple months evade capture but then marinford happens and the wb pirates are disbanded/scatters or doin there own thing but one of them end up on the same island as y/n with the obsession still intact and finding them again has rekindled it even more.

How would they react on when they're alone without the other's input?would they contact each other and group up? what would be going through their heads?

(yan au where everyone survives except wb)

💧-anon

(feel free to completely ignore my ramblings but i have so many things i think ab and need to tell/ask ❤️)

I feel how someone would react would depend on the crew member. I'm not going to hit up everyone, just my usual suspects, so bear with me.

CW: Yandere, dub con / non con vibes, nothing explicit a lot of what ifs and summaries.

Marco would not contact anyone else. I love this man, but Yandere Marco is POSSESSIVE. He shares you with his brothers only because they are his brothers. If no one else ended up on this island with you and him then that's a them problem, and not HIS problem.

Depending on the manner of your escape would depend how Marco was, but regardless of if he thinks you left or were stolen away, he'll be delighted to have you back. You'll never leave his sight again, and if you do have to be away from him for any reason he'll make sure he knows where you are.

You will drown in him, whether its his love or his anger, but he will mark you, fill you up, and leave you exhausted and delirious more than not.

Ace would contact the others. He'd be so relieved to see you safe, and whether anyone else thought you left, he'd be convinced it had to be against your will. He'll be seeking reassurance to that end, and if you're smart you're going to give it to him. Shore up your story if you need it with Ace's help, because the other will be far harder to convince, even if what you're telling is the truth.

Whatever happens, and however things play out though, you'll always run into Ace. He'll pop out of the ground like a fucking daisy sometimes, scaring the hell out of you even though that wasn't his intent. But playful or endearing, don't think for a second it's accidental.

If you don't reassure him, if you do tell him you left because you wanted to, his reaction will be worse. He'll claim you as his and you'll probably have burn scars by the time the others arrive. It'll take Marco weeks to get you back into some sort of semblance of who you were - assuming he can even soothe the scars.

Thatch will let you set the narrative, and hell he'll even let you decide if he reaches out to anyone else or not. If you want to elope with just him, he'd be more than happy to oblige. He doesn't mind sharing with his brothers, but he won't deny such a heart felt confession and plea from you either.

He's likely to do to you what Marco would, making love to you until you're a pile of mush, exhausted and almost out of your mind. His stamina far exceeds your own, and he has months of catching up to do, he's missed you so much. And don't worry, he'll feed you and make sure you're hydrated, even clean your home, and earn money, you'll be too tired to worry about any of that anyway.

With Izou in the mix the rope burns on your joints are apt to become permanent. It doesn't matter if you say you didn't want to leave, you'll never be able to be taken away so easily ever again. He'll let the others know about you, and your fate will probably be decided by committee.

You will be under the influence of something when you're questioned, so unless you're really good at lying that's not going to be an option here. You're likely to survive your punishment, for better or worse, but whatever island you end up on with everyone (whoever constitutes everyone), the islanders are going to understand your position in the crew. Or misunderstand it.

but the only friends you'll have will be the brothers that take care of you. You'll want for nothing, save maybe freedom.

#quin answers #anon asks #yandere #cw yandere #reader insert #x reader #marco the phoenix #izou one piece #thatch one piece #portgas d ace

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rookfeatherrambles · 7 months ago

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TW: MEDICAL, all of this will be under the cut.

I guess I should preface this by saying please give only if you have the funds to. Okay, that out of the way,

Hi guys. Hi Tumblr.

My mom is currently in the hospital ICU ward fighting for her life as an vicious infection rages through her blood and basically destroys anything and everything in its path. She's in Septic Shock from a UTI they didn't catch until it was too late. Such a small problem gone so hellishly wrong.

She's sedated and medicated, on a ventilator, a dialysis machine, and in a medically induced coma and has been for about a week. It is very hard to see her like this. And it's not looking great, let's say that.

But I live in Canada and her medical treatments are covered by her insurance.

What I'm asking for help with is... Myself.

I've been neglecting my own physical and mental health. Paying for rides to and from the hospital and eating the overpriced food in the canteen there, staying for hours just.... Watching her? Because though our relationship hasn't been the best, she's my only mother and I love her, despite her flaws and my own.

All this said, I've exhausted my own financial resources that are usually already pretty low by the end of the month. I'm still off work due to the car accident that hecka messed me up, but that wouldn't be a problem if my govt Disability kicked in, but it may be up to 2 weeks late come the 26th.

So yeah, I've got no money for the laundry card to clean my clothes, I've got no money left for groceries at this time. I'm just a stranger on the internet, but if you feel it in you to throw me a few chits, that would be wonderful.

PayPal:

Or for fellow Canucks, the interac email is: [email protected]

I guess I wanted to close this off by saying thanks in advance, and for the love of God, if you have an infection, please get it treated. It can kill.

#donation post #tw: medical #the magnus archives #slenderverse #creepypasta #rook needs help #mutual aid #mutual help

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bostova · 7 months ago

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so after a whole bunch of research and watching endless youtube videos I am very confident that I am solidly in the PDA profile of autism. I knew I was autistic, but a lot of the coping strategies and mechanisms that I read about for being an adult with autism just did not work at all for me, and only increased my meltdowns and anxiety. Once I learned about PDA everything just made a lot more sense about my entire life, including my childhood and the problems I have been facing in the past few years.

I made a list of all of the things I do daily that my brain perceives as demands and it's no wonder I am so fucking exhausted and have no time for other people. Even just keeping myself alive by eating, staying hydrated, showering, going to the bathroom, brushing my teeth, getting dressed, going out to buy food/drinks, waking up at a decent time, going to sleep when I know I am tired, washing my hair... these are all things I don't WANT to do, but I NEED to and HAVE to do them which threatens my autonomy (there's always something else I would rather be doing) and triggers my stress response (depends on the situation but usually fight, sometimes flight, rarely freeze). God help me if I have other things I have to do that day like running errands, cooking for my partners, working a job (demand fucking city), cleaning the house, reaponding to messages/emails/calls that I have been putting off etc. etc.

It's no wonder i got so burned out in 2022 and needed fuckin 5 months off work sick to literally do NOTHING. Honestly it feels like I squeezed out the toothpaste tube of my autism and i've never been able to put it back in and get my shit together. I have no idea how I was able to cope for so long, cause these days it feels like I'm drowning and I'll never be in control of my life ever again. Like how the fuck do I get a job where people don't make demands of me all fucking day, where I'm the one in control of my time and life? Because even if I'm my own boss, then I'M the one who has to still do the fucking things I don't want to do but HAVE to do to earn the money just to keep myself alive

i am so tired

#pda autism #pda profile

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phr3ia · 7 months ago

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Love Game (Toji Fushiguro x Fem!Reader) [Chapter 03 : Gesture]

Toji's text arrived around lunchtime, leaving you cringing at the contents.

(SMS)

Toji: Hey, sexy. Just finished up a job. What do you crave for lunch? I'll grab something on my way back, considering I owe you one for putting up with me last night.

You: Oh, I'm sure whatever you're done with, I don't want your leftovers.

Toji: Aw, don't be like that. It's not like I'm bringing anything 'leftover'... Unless you're implying you want a 'taste'? Haha!

You: God, you are such a pig. No, I don't want a taste of your 'job' that you did, thank you very much. And I hope you didn't kill anyone while you were doing it. If you did, we're going to have a serious problem.

Toji: Lighten up, buttercup. It's not what you think. It's just business. And I'm talking about my real job. But if you insist, I won't get you anything. Fine, live with hunger.

You: Oh, I won't starve. I'm capable of buying food, unlike some people I know. And if you don't mind, I'll prefer it if you stop calling me buttercup. It sounds creepy coming from you.

Toji: Buttercup suits you, and I like it. You're just mad you don't have a man to spoil you rotten. Pity.

You: I don't need a man to spoil me. I can spoil myself, thank you very much. And for your information, I'm too busy to deal with men like you.

Toji: I know you need someone to keep you warm at night.

You: Are you for real? I don't need anyone to satisfy my needs, and I have no need to be warmed by you. I can keep myself warm, thank you. And if you think I'll come to you for anything, you're living in your own fantasy.

Toji: Oh, I know you'll come to me. The day you realize I'm your only hope, I'll be waiting. Until then, I'll keep teasing you. Ciao, Buttercup!

You: Get lost, you perverted bastard! I'll make sure to tell everyone at work that you're a womanizer. Maybe they'd avoid you like the plague.

Toji: Go ahead. The more the merrier. They'll still come. You're just jealous because you can't get any.

You: Whatever, Toji.

Toji: See you, Buttercup.

You shook your head, annoyed by his persistence. He just didn't understand the true meaning of boundaries.

You knew Toji is an assassin, a Sorcerer Killer, his profession is the very reason you are still alive. But beyond his deadly trade, he also earned extra money from women he slept with, women who seemed to enjoy spoiling him.

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

You arrived home, exhausted from a long day at work, ready to relax. The moment you stepped into the apartment, you froze. There, on the couch, was Toji with a woman, dressed in nothing but a T-shirt and panties, cuddling up to him.

You gaped at the scene in front of you, not knowing how to react. Toji noticed your entrance and smirked, a devilish glint in his eye.

"Look who finally decided to grace us with her presence." he said, giving the woman a friendly peck on the head. "This is Yuki, she'll be staying here for the night."

Yuki giggled and waved at you, seemingly unbothered by your presence. You felt your anger brewing beneath your skin.

"I see. Well, I'll just be getting ready for bed." you deadpanned, trying and failing to hide your irritation.

Toji laughed and playfully tossed a throw pillow at you. "Oh, please. We both know you're a freak. You probably watch from behind the door. So, what'll it be? Jealousy or embarrassment?"

You glared at him, resisting the urge to punch him in the throat. "I don't need to watch from behind the door. I have a life, plus, I'm not embarrassed. I'm just glad I'll be sleeping soon, far away from you and your... guests."

Yuki chuckled, "Don't mind him, he's just salty because he can't get you. And he's got a thing for women in uniform, which is why he's obsessed with you."

"Shut up, Yuki." Toji hissed.

"Thanks for the info, Yuki. I'll sleep even better tonight knowing that." you retorted, rolling your eyes as you headed to your room.

"Don't forget to lock the door, Buttercup." Toji called out, the nickname grating on your nerves.

"Don't forget to zip up your pants when you're done with her." you shot back, slamming the door shut behind you.

After getting ready for bed, you lay on your mattress, hoping to fall asleep quickly. The silence in your room was comforting, and you hoped it would last all night. You were about to drift off when you heard Toji's voice from the other side of the door.

"Hey, Buttercup. I'm going out with Yuki tonight. So there won't be any loud moaning and groaning this evening. Sleep tight."

You remained silent, feigning sleep, but your heart pounded with relief. You were secretly grateful for the respite. Toji chuckled, and you heard the creak of the door opening and closing. The sound of their footsteps faded, and the apartment was once again quiet.

Your eyes sprang open, and you frantically scrambled to the window, peering through the blinds. Seeing his car leave, a wide grin spread across your face. "Yes! They're gone!" You cheered internally, feeling victorious.

You sprang out of bed, determined to make the most of your unexpected solo evening.

"First things first, that couch must be purified!!!" you announced to the empty room. Grabbing a bottle of disinfectant spray and a roll of paper towels before marching into the living room.

With exaggerated dramatic flair, you sprayed the disinfectant onto the cushions, wiping them down meticulously.

"There, that should do it!" you declared, as if the couch would respond. You then settled down onto the now-sanitized cushions, flicking on the television with excitement.

Feeling hungry, you bounded out of the living room, heading for the kitchen. Your excitement was evident as you rummaged through the pantry, finding a bag of potato chips. You grabbed a few glasses of water too, just in case.

Returning to the living room, you settled back into the couch. "Finally, some peace and quiet. Just the way I like it." you whispered to yourself, taking a satisfying crunch of the chips.

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

[5 hours later...]

Toji's key jangled in the lock, and the door creaked open. He stepped into the dimly lit apartment, surprised to find the TV turned on. He followed the sound of muffled snoring, spotting you passed out on the couch, your head lolling to the side with drool trailing from the corner of your mouth.

Toji couldn't help but chuckle at the sight of you, looking utterly ridiculous. He silently padded closer, gently lifting your head to rest on a pillow.

"Goodnight, Buttercup." he whispered, turning off the TV and the lights. He left you there, sleeping peacefully, unaware of the gesture that he just did for you.

•┈••✦ ❤ ✦••┈•

End Of Chapter 3 🥀....

@meowforluv

#jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen fanfic #jjk #jjk fanfic #toji fushiguro x you #toji fushiguro x reader #toji fushiguro #jjk smut #jjk romance

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witcher-and-his-bard · 1 year ago

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I really hate to do this because I've been trying so hard to struggle through on my own, but it's getting to the point where I just can't. I'm off work for medical reasons but adjusting to my doctors I am just too fat, so I can't progresss any further unless I can lose the weight and prove to them that's not the problem. But until then, I am still in pain and can't work a regular job. I've been looking, but everything is in the medical field, which I'm not qualified for. I'm talking to a financial aid person, but since I have no money my phone has been cut off so they can't contact me and my case has been labeled abandoned and I have to begin again from the beginning, but my emails don't seem to be going through anymore and getting there otherwise exhausts me because I don't drive. We're like 4 months behind on rent and neither my roommate nor I have a phone and the only reason we're still living here is because it's her brother's house and he has been more understanding than most landlords would be. This week we have to choose between food and literally everything else we need and I just can't do it anymore. All this to say, if anyone has even a little bit to share, I'll post my ko-fi at the bottom. It would be so, so appreciated 💜 I don't have much to offer in return besides thankfulness but maybe when I'm in a better place mentally, I can offer little fics?

https://ko-fi.com/xxenjoy

#rex rambles #chronic pain #idk how to tag this

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sordidmusings · 8 months ago

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Just a life update and opening!

Brought up because of an ask wondering if I still do stuff here so I figured I'd put out some of whats goin on if anyone is interested! Also throwing it into the void of the internet feels less guilt inducing than forcing it on specific people especially after how overwhelmed folks tend to be cuz I'm bad at metering it out and not just being like 'light jokes about struggle that don't scratch the surface or say anything meaningful' and 'here is all the dark lore' 💀 It's also been a struggle because there really does sometimes feel like theres a whole ass language barrier within your own language when you're AuDHD.

I do still do headcanons and write and draw and yada yada there’s just been quite a bit happening and I’m doing poorly at keeping up with life maintenance let alone things I enjoy 🥴 with writing especially in my hobbies I find myself discouraged in what feels like poor quality of my writing and seeing that reflected back to me because I am Weak 💀 general overview of some of the bigger problems below the cut if you’re interested but I won’t bother y’all with the whole picture! Will be more a summary/overview/alluding to things over getting into gory details. Basically a lot will be covered but I won’t force anything below the broad strokes on y'all.

The end is an ask for people to please reach out if they are struggling so please take that seriously. I offer a space with me but please find wherever in this world you are at least somewhat comfortable and have someone be there with you while you process 🤍 I will have a header above that little piece just incase you'd like to skip to only reading that which is completely fine!

CW for mental health talks, allusions to family issues, references to rape and abuse, death by suicide, and suicidal ideation.

What's Up, Doc?

Between hospitalizations (old and new issues and unfortunate near misses 🤡), my couple jobs (the days my body ain’t tryin to give up and even some days it still is means back to the grindstone. Thank you capitalistic overlords 💀), money stresses (medical debt plus just like y'all know shit ain’t the best for most everyone rn), the spring struggle (nightmares + flashbacks get worse from seasonal + anniversaries of men not caring for consent amongst other things lmaoooo), the mental health slew (diagnosed with AuDHD and most of the big hitters besides a personality disorder), and a few other life happenings and old traumas I’m doing a terrible job at everything 🤡 most of it ain’t new so I know all the proper things to do to help for everything from years of therapy and managing the symptoms and all that but dotting my i’s and crossing my t’s hasn’t been offering any relief for a long while so I’m floundering and quite exhausted.

The health issues making everything difficult and painful ain’t helping but I’m also not being the best at taking care of some of them because Why Bother 💀 Many are issues I’ve had for years that ebb and flow in severity and I’m just tired of feeling them and having to manage them. I’m sure any of you with chronic issues understand the feeling well. Those with years and years of major depressive disorder probably also understand the frustration and exhaustion and guilt with knowing you should enjoy something, you WANT to enjoy it, but your body just can’t produce the reaction it should.

I tend to isolate because I’m managing it poorly enough that the topic tends to crop up with the closer few if they ask and that goes Badly cuz, even if they think they won’t, people get uncomfy with the topics which just makes me feel Worse from guilt and sometimes frustration from it being passed over for their comfort or lack of understanding. I am lucky enough to have more recently found one person who Gets It and a beloved soul from lovely old Jersey came back into my life so the bigger problem in that situation is me allowing myself to consistently receive support from them 🤡 One’s so sweet always telling me I can call any time and the other is of the same vein and my dumbass brain keeps being like “but that would bother them” or the usual “you deserve to get worse not get help” 🤡🤡🤡. Clown ass behavior.

Also some bad coping mechanisms make my typing and communication sloppy as hell and I’m quite ashamed of that so best hide that away while it’s going on 💀 due to insistence that it’s Fine I have forgone that instinct to what feels like very Poor Result 🥴 ah the eternal struggle between needing to be Seen to fight the sense of isolation and worthlessness but also being petrified of being perceived while imperfect. Not having any of the connections really be in person doesn’t help too much with feelings isolation because I don't really have anyone around me besides parents that have literally said "why are you making us deal with this" about the intentional near death miss 💀💀💀 my immediate world feels very much like it wants me gone in explicit and subtle ways but c'est la vie. Beggars can’t be choosers so at this point I’m likely just being ungrateful 🤡

One thing making it harder to keep trying is my folks’ years of insistence that I don’t understand my own experience and I’m just dramatic and make things up. It’s an echo of many painful experiences including a whole group intentionally playing games with my sense of reality to enable their friend’s abuse (they got unconsensual nudes from him out of it so that’s worth the price of treating someone like that right?). Such is life.

One of the new things I’m uncertain how to approach handling properly is the grief and such shifting back to the forefront from the first anniversary of my childhood brother figure being taken from us by his bipolar depression. I have known people taken by suicide before but not this close to home. My childhood wasn’t the happiest but he and his family were a bright place in it. His little sister was my best friend in the whole world through my childhood and their family treated me more like family than my own. He was the best mix of a good and bad influence in an older brother figure I could’ve wished for. He fought long and hard but exhaustion hits us all, sometimes even with proper help. What eternally pains me is knowing how helpless and scared he must have felt and even worse how absolutely alone he felt. That was his last feeling in this life. I can only hope that more than anything, whatever happens next is giving him relief, peace, and rest.

Talk on reaching out below!

On that note, if any of you experience suicidality too, my messages (or ask if you’re more comfy on anon) are always open. This is an issue that’s been in my life in many forms since I was 12, so I will not shy away from you or your thoughts. Even if shared with something uncomfortable or "ugly", I find the discomfort of sitting with someone’s pain negligible in comparison to being the one in pain so why not prioritize that person in their need? It’s also negligible under the importance of truly holding space to process those hurts and stresses instead of just simple little niceties.

I am not the best at being active but if I see any of these messages especially we will truly talk. I know how insanely isolating and disappointing it can feel when someone offers support to be nice and then shoves to the next topic or barely responds because it makes them uncomfortable. It is a bitter pill we must often swallow to forgive those who think they will help for making things worse because they have bit off more than they can chew. It is also a bitter feeling that that reaffirms to us that by our very nature, we are too much to handle and are too much to deal with for sharing our internal space and circumstance. But at the same time, all of us are simply human so who am I to malign someone for making mistakes or being imperfect? So long as someone truly wants to try, there is all the reason in the world to give them grace.

Qualifications kind of???

The one good thing that has come from a lot of the experiences that I’ve gone through is that it has forced perspective on me and forced me to learn skills in holding space, validating, and connecting to others in immense pain. No one is perfect in this skill (even therapists struggle - the number who have said they don’t know where to start untangling the traumas or who have cried at it and in turn needed comfort 💀 a strange experience I know my darling at least gets too lol) but I have found in both giving and receiving that honesty and openness is W A Y more important than being perfect.

This is something I’ve watched more people struggle with than not as life circumstances has not made it so that they must learn the skill at the same time that there are resources to learn it, so I may make more posts with advice for it than the bit I go through here. I’m not a licensed therapist so this isn’t going to be a clinical breakdown of how to be someone’s therapist but I would consider my experience as a confidant, consistent reading up on psychological and related sociological research, and experience going through various forms of therapy worthy of giving solid advice. Unfortunately, co-morbidities and resistant brain chemistry really make using the skills on myself Difficult 💀 but as brief examples of experience for validity speaking on this, I’ve been to a lot of group therapy where licensed therapists literally coach you on this, guided a safe space/group for SA survivors in college, coached friends who couldn’t afford therapy through suicidality or abusive situations, and coached survivors through feelings and decisions when deciding whether or not to charge or going through the process of charging their abuser. All of which is much easier to be effective to people you know irl but the support online can be nothing to snub your nose at either. None of this is to say I'm perfect or exceptional - neither is true - just that I’ve had circumstances and experiences that afford me a bit of extra knowledge in this.

In the vast majority of cases, someone who is struggling and coming to you for help wants you to be there - your thoughts, your feelings, your perspective. They don’t want someone sitting uncomfortably and saying the occasional “sorry” they want engagement because more than anything they don’t want to be alone. In a basic example, if you find yourself freezing when someone comes to you with something you don’t know how to handle, instead of saying nothing or only short cliches due to fear of making a mistake, be honest about that. “I’m not sure what to say right now to be honest because that’s so much to deal with. I can’t imagine having to live with that all the time. Is there anything in it frustrating you the most or that you’re having the most difficulty tackling?”. This is active listening and engagement. You are being honest with where you are at so they aren’t guessing what you’re thinking, you are showing that you see how overwhelming the situation is, especially for the person who has to live with it. If you can’t handle a conversation where these issues exist, how do you think it feels to live with them day in and day out, sometimes for years or the majority of a life?

Asking questions is SUPER important too. Trust the other person to only share what they are comfortable with and don’t assume all questions are bad. Asking questions is one of the truest and simplest ways to show you care because why would you want to know more if you don’t give a shit? Asking questions is also very helpful and one of the reasons talking to others about your issues is important - it gives the person struggling something to react to and give perspective. It helps them process the issue in ways they won’t be able to do by themselves. This may make the process sound slightly manufactured but I promise it’s not, especially as it becomes second nature to know what thing to use when. Communication is a skill so advice around it will inherently make it sound more clinical than the actual process is.

People are also not a monolith so while this type of being there works for the vast majority some people may not like it. That is also where communication comes in - check in with the person on if this is helping and what isn't helpful. Make sure to adjust when you make a mistake.

Conclusion

I’m happy to hold space for other issues as well. I’m no replacement for a therapist but I’ve been a helpful supplement to many people I knew struggling throughout the years so I’m at least okay at that! Since I’m doing pretty bad functionally right now the help won’t be as consistent as I wish but I will give whatever is in my power just like these things deserve. I hope to get better soon so that I can properly offer a stronger foundation of support outward again 🤍

#life update #mental health #tw death #tw abuse #tw rap3 #tw sui ideation #tw: suidice #tw: r*pe

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