#But now since i’m hearing good things about the prequel show I need to go through the mental anguish of 15 seasons to truly understand it

[shsl--fangirl]

Rewatching supernatural??? In this day and age???

[thesparkling-diamond27]

The Second Bridgerton And I: Part 4

Benedict Bridgerton x Reader

Summary: Y/n Clearwater becomes named the “Sparkling Diamond” by Queen Charlotte herself, but she doesn’t know what to do with all this attention. Of course she has her family, but sometimes that doesn’t seem enough. But what happens when she encounters a specific Bridgerton, which changes the course of her season.

Author’s Note: I am sorry for not updating sooner. When I posted chapter 3 I already had half of this chapter written, but I stated working recently and I have been reading the Bridgerton prequels (which are amazing by the way I highly recommend), so I have been a little busy. I am here now and I already have most of the next chapter written, so there should be another update really shortly. This story is also going to be a lot longer than I originally thought wave I planned to do about one chapter per episode and that plan is out the window. Especially since am adding scenes that are not from the show.

Author’s Note: This chapter includes scenes from season 3 episode 3 of Bridgerton. Down below is the link to the part 3 and part 5. I hope you enjoy! Y/nn= reader’s nick name.

My family and I entered Lord Tremble’s house and it was quite different from other social events. This event was nothing like a ball and was more like an event to socialize and mingle with one another. I would definitely be glued to my families side tonight because I knew many people would approach me. Last ball I was able to completely occupy myself with Maxwell, but here it won’t be the case.

I wonder if Benedict and his family were here yet. He did say he was coming and all week I have been looking forward to spending more time with him.

My siblings and I were rather hungry and we made our way to the food table. As I picked my desired foods I couldn’t help but notice the deer heads that were hanging from the wall.

“Is it just me or are those deer heads watching us?” I asked.

“I don’t know,” Adeline said, “but it sure seems like it. They are creepy. Let us hurry so we can leave them.”

Adeline and I hurried with our food selection and forced our brothers to do the same. The four of us then made our way across the room. It has been a while since the four of us passed the time with another and it brought back memories from our childhood.

“What are you thinking about Carina?”

Noah asked.

“Nothing.” I said. “I just missed this. The four of us all together.”

Alex put his arm around my shoulder and said, “Well we are not going anywhere little sister. Even when you want nothing to do with us we will still be here annoying you. And you will still be here annoying us when we want nothing to do with you.”

He said that in the most brotherly way possible and it warmed my heart. Adeline and Noah both gave smiles filled with the same message and meaning as Alex.

“So.” Adeline started, “How are things with you and Lord Tewkesberry? I’m assuming things are going well.”

“And here is where we take our leave.”

Alex said.

“Why?” I asked.

“We do not need to hear the two of you discussing men. We hear enough of that at home.” Noah said. “We will be over there in the corner in case you need us.”

Adeline and I both nodded in understanding and the both of them walked away.

“So. Lord Tewkesberry. How are things?” Adeline asked.

“Things are going well between us. The way things are going I am expecting him to ask to court me soon.”

“That is good.”

“How are things going with you and Lord Harvey?”

“Very well! I think he might propose before the end of the season!”

Lord Harvey asked Adeline to court her the day after the ball last week. They have been courting ever since and Adeline seemed content.

“Are you happy Adeline?”

“I am.” She said with a smile.

I smiled in return. We were interrupted by someone clearing their throat. Speak of the devil.

“Miss Clearwater. Miss Clearwater.” Lord Harvey said.

Adeline and I slightly curtsied while he bowed in return.

“Can I steal you for a moment?” He said towards Adeline.

“Of course!” She said excitedly. “Are you going to be okay all by yourself?” She asked me.

I wanted to say no. I did not want suitors to approach me and I would feel uncomfortable being all alone. I have also been on edge all day, and being left alone can possibly trigger me, but I did not want to hold Adeline back with Lord Harvey.

“Do not worry about me. You go on ahead.”

Adeline nodded and she placed her hand into Lord Harvey’s and they went to have more privacy. I found myself quite parched and decided to find a lemonade table.

The lemonade table was in a separate room tucked in the corner. It was the perfect place to hide away. I took a sip of the pale yellow liquid and it was refreshing.

“Miss Clearwater.”

I turned around and was startled when I saw three men standing in front of me. When did they get here?

“We’re sorry for frightening you Miss Clearwater. We simply wanted to talk with you.” Said Lord Clayton I believe.

“That is alright. I thought I was alone.”

I said.

“Well now that we have your attention, we are quite curious about you.” The second man said.

“Curious about what exactly?”

“About you.” The third man said. “What are your hobbies? What makes you tick?”

“Are you a morning person or night person? What makes you you?” The second man asked.

Lord Clayton started asking me a series of more questions, but I could not hear him. His words were blurred as if we were underwater. The questions from the three of them were all too much at once. I felt the oxygen slowly leave my lungs and I could not breathe. Tears started to fill my eyes. I had to get out of here.

I walked past the three men and tried to find a quiet private place to breathe. Several suitors tried to stop me, but I kept on walking. I even bumped into one of them, but I did not pay them any mind. I just needed to get out of here. I walked down the hall and opened the nearest door. It was empty, so I quickly shut the door and slid down to the floor. My tears continued to flow as I tried to control my breathing. This was not the first time I have had a panic attack, but it was the first time in a while. The solution for me to become well again is for me to be secluded until I felt like I was better.

After a while my breath evened and I could finally see clearly. I took a moment to look around the room.

To my right was a marble fireplace with the fire running and a portrait of Lord Tremble, I’m assuming, above. Towards the center of the room was a sofa and two chairs across which a coffee table in between. Behind the lounge area, facing me, were windows that were ceiling high. It had a windowsill to gaze at the view. The room was cozy.

I wiped my tears from my face when I was pushed forward by a force. I turned around and noticed someone opened the door.

“I’m sorry I hit you! I did not realize you were on the floor.”

It was a man’s voice, but it did not belong to my father or brothers. The door opened fully and Benedict stepped into the room

—————————

Benedict

I entered a room, with Eloise and Colin, and I saw Ms. Stowell and her mama noticing my presence.

Great! Just the two people I needed to see.

I turned to Eloise.

“If anyone asks for me, I am not here.”

I did not wait for her response and escaped. I wonder if Y/n is here, because she did say that she will be here. I started reading the book she recommended me and it was very interesting. Maybe we can talk about it. I definitely had some thoughts to share.

I walked into three entirely different rooms with no sight of Y/n. Maybe she has not arrived or I missed her. I noticed the table with alcohol and decided that that was the way to go for tonight. If anything was going to save me from the relentless mamas it would be this, but not too much that my mind will be too affected to function.

I took a sip of the amber liquid and it burned as it went down my throat. However it kept me in check and awakened my senses.

Suddenly someone bumped into me and I looked to see that it was Y/n. But something was wrong and she did not look well. I placed my cup on the table and went after her. She was walking fast past people, so it was difficult to keep up, and she made a left. I heard a door slam coming from an empty hallway. She was in one of these rooms.

I opened the first two doors and was left with empty rooms. I approached the third door and I heard sniffle coming from the other side.

She was crying and my heart clenched at the sound. Y/n deserved nothing, but good things. I could not bear to hear her cry and I knew I would not like seeing her cry if I was in the room with her.

I waited until her crying to die down before I opened the door, however I did not realize she was sitting on the ground and I accidentally hit her.

“I’m sorry I hit you! I did not realize you were on the floor.” I said.

Y/n looked at me from the ground and her cheeks were stained with dry tears. I quickly crouched down to meet her on the floor and pulled out a handkerchief from my coat pocket.

“Here.” I said softly.

Cautiously I dabbed under her cheeks and around her eyes. I caressed the side of her face with handkerchief and started into her eyes. They were the most mesmerizing e/c eyes I have ever seen, and I somehow saw my future when I looked into them. It was crazy to think of such things, but when her irises met my own I felt a sense of warmth and home.

I snapped out of my daze and handed her the handkerchief. She blew her nose and we fell into a comfortable silence.

“Do you want to talk about what happened?” I asked.

Y/n said nothing, but she stood up and walked over to sit on the windowsill. Her gaze upon the view below. I slowly raised to stand up and followed her to where she sat.

“The windowsill has always been a source of comfort for me. Whenever I am having a hard time, here I can find peace.” She said.

I nodded in response, but she did not look up at me,so I do not think she noticed.

“I had a panic attack. It has been a while since I had one that I forgot how exhausting it can be. The questions Lord Clayton ,and a few others, were bombarding me with and the immense pressure was all too much at once. I had to get away.”

“Do you feel better now?” I asked.

“I do not know.”

“What immense pressure do you struggle with Y/n?”

“Pressure from being the diamond. My family. Society. Especially society.”

“Why mainly society?”

Y/n stayed silent and I thought she would remain that way. Then she looked at me for the first time, during this conversation, and I saw frustration in her eyes.

“People in society want everyone to remain in a neat little tiny box. To fit in. But would if I do not want to remain in the neat little tiny box. Would if I want to explore outside the box. See what more life has to offer. Would if I want to break free from the restraints that society has put on me because I am a woman.” She said

I did not know what to say after that statement. As a man I knew that we were “more free” compared to women. Especially involving marriage. We had the choice to be unwed, while unmarried women are considered spinsters. I guess I never really thought of ideals of this nature because I am a man and those rules do not apply to me. I could never know what a woman goes through, but I wanted to understand for Y/n.

Y/n stood from the windowsill, walked towards the fireplace and continued.

“I cannot do that though, because as soon as I step out of that box everyone will cast me aside. They expect more from me because I am the diamond. I have to be perfect. I have to be the perfect mold of society. And it kills me every time I play the game. There are so many rules! You can dance with who you like, but it is rude to deny a dance if you have not already reserved one with another man. You cannot ask to court a man because you must wait for them to do so. You cannot dance with one partner too many times. If you are caught in a scandal the whole ton judges you.And so much more. When does it end Benedict? When?”

Y/n’s voice cracked at the end and I noticed she began to cry. I quickly rushed over to her from where I sat. I stood in front of her and she looked up at me. Her eyes glistening with tears. I slowly wrapped my arms around her and laid my head on top of hers. I slowly began to caress her back. It was only thing I thought to do without making her more upset.

“I know I cannot make things better, I said, “but I will do everything in my power to make you happy. As your friend.”

—————————

I pulled away from Benedict and thanked him. He nodded, but I can still see concern in his eyes. I freed my self from his embrace and cleared my throat.

“We should both leave this room before someone notices that both of us are gone and catches us here. I would not want anyone to get the wrong idea.” I said.

“That works with me.”

I noticed I was still holding his handkerchief and motioned for him to take it back.

“Keep it. It is yours.” Benedict said.

“Are you sure?”

“I’m sure.”

I looked down at the white handkerchief and noticed that Benedict’s initials were beautifully sewn into it with blue stitching.

B.B.

“Thank you.” I said.

I looked up at Benedict and we both shared a mutual understanding. We will discuss this later. I folded his handkerchief and stuffed it into the top of my dress. I then made my way to the door, twisted the door knob and left the room.

I began to search for my family. This incident happened because I strayed from my family in the first place. I hope I look presentable because I did not want my family asking questions about what happened. Not when feelings from the situation was still fresh. I did not even ask Benedict if I looked decent. I regret not asking.

I entered the room with the deer heads and I saw my brothers in the corner. As I approached them they must have noticed my affected mood and appearance because they looked at me with concerned expressions.

“Are you okay Y/n?” Noah asked.

“Can…can I stay with you two for the rest of the night?”

“Of course.” Alex said.

They did not say anything, but I can tell by the looks on their faces that they would want to talk later on like Benedict.

—————————

The balloon was quite disappointing. For the past week, all throughout the ton, people have been talking about the giant ballon. That it was grand and majestic and could transport several people to other areas.

The balloon part was beautiful. I can tell that a lot of detail and time went into the design. The basket part on the other hand , was small and strong looking, but not grand and majestic. It could fit about two people if you want enough space to maneuver around and three people tops if you are content with little wiggle room. I would definitely not ride the balloon if I was in need to travel a long distance. I assumed it would be bigger.

“Come one! Come all! Watch man attempt to take flight! Soaring to nights never before seen!”

A man with a megaphone was shouting

these words as my family and I entered the area. I was wearing a light blue day dress with a pink sheer scarf wrapped around my shoulders. Blue was uncommon in my everyday wardrobe, so I was excited to wear such a dress. The fabric was light and breathable, which was perfect for the hot weather.

“Let us all address the queen.” My mama said.

I linked my arm with Alex and we carried on to Queen Charlotte.

“I thought the balloon would be bigger. At least able to fit more than three people.” I said.

“People always tend to use hyperboles with such things like the balloon.” Alex said.

“What kind of sweets do you think they would have?”

I motioned to the pink tent with a pink sign that said “Ms. Plaskitt’s Sweet Treats”.

“You always have room for sweets Carina.”

“There is always room for sweets Felis.”

“Hoping for macarons?”

“Of course!”

We both laughed in unison. Our walk came to a halt when we became within talking distance of the queen. She looked beautiful with her turquoise colored dress and her unique wig. Her wig was extremely unbalanced, but that didn’t seem to deteriorate her poise and elegance. Queen charlotte is always so calm and collected and manages to always keep people on their toes. I wonder if I can become a lady like her one day in the future.

I approached the queen with my sister and mama. My brothers and father close behind. I curtsied with as much grace as I had.

“Flawless my dear. As I expected.” Queen Charlotte said. “Have you been enjoying your season so far.”

“I have your grace.”

“Any updates on Lord Tewksbury?”

Queen Charlotte was asking if Lord Tewkesberry courted or not. My family and his family were the only few people who know about the news and I intend to keep it that way.

“No. I am afraid not.” I said.

“Pity. Hopefully he courts you soon. I do not want my efforts to be in vain.”

“What do you mean your efforts being in vain?”

“I was the one who insisted to your parents for you to pursue Mr. Tewkesberry.”

This was the first time I was hearing this news and it made me feel unsettled. I thought I had made a bond with Maxwell and it was I who decided that he was a man I would like to persue, but all this time that was not true. It made me feel like my parents did not trust me with making my own choices.

“I hope your generous efforts result with a beautiful match.” I said.

“As do I. Now enjoy the day my diamond. I do not want to hold you forever.”

I gave the queen a grateful smile and curtsied before leaving. I noticed my mama looking at me with a defeated look. Hoping I would look at her, so I can speak with her, but I was not in the mood at the moment. This shall be a talk for later.

I went on a search for Pen or Benedict. I knew both of them were on their way if they were not already here. Whichever one I see first shall keep me company. As I was walking, I came across the sweets tent again. Maybe they have lemon cakes or possibly macarons I thought.

I entered the tent and notice Pen with Colin. I was surprised to see them with one another after everything that has happened, but they are friends after all. Pen was the one to notice me first when she turned from Colin.

“Y/nn! How lovely it is to see you. Care to join me?”

She did not give me a time to respond and grabbed my arm to follow her.

“My goodness. Eager are we?” I said.

Penelope realized that she was pulling my arm and set me free.

“I’m so sorry Y/nn.” Penelope said, “I’m in an excited state. I am trying to locate Lord Debling.”

Penelope and Lord Debling hit it off the other night at Lord Tremble’s gathering. I was happy for Pen. I knew she was wrong with her headspace on marriage and I was glad I was able to prove her wrong.

“Let us find him then.” I said with a smile. Penelope smiled back and we began our search for Lord Debling. We made a roundabout around the balloon when I noticed Lord Debling conversing with Eloise and Cressida Cowper.

“Pen he is over there past the hill, but are you sure you wish to talk to him considering who he is with at the moment.”

“I cannot let people stop me from doing what I would like to do. If that is how people lived nothing would get done.”

Penelope began to walk towards Lord Debling and I admired her determination, because if I were in her shoes, I would be walking the opposite way. I quickly caught up with Penelope and we continued our way. When we were three yards away from them Penelope hesitated.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

“Maybe you were right. This is a mistake. We should head somewhere else.”

“No Pen! Let us—“

“Ah Miss Featherington. Miss Clearwater.”

We both turned to see the owner of the voice to be Lord Debling. Penelope seems stuck not knowing what to do, so I nudged her along to continue walking. As we walked towards them I noticed Eloise and Cressida looking not pleased with us joining them. There is free rein around the park, so both of them have to deal with it I thought.

“My Lord. We do not wish to intrude.” Penelope said.

“Nonsense.” Lord Debling said, “I am about to embark on another trip with no one, but my crew. Surely you two will not deny me the company while I have the pleasure of it.

“Of course not.” I said.

The conversation became extremely uninteresting. I believe Cressida mentioned the bird the great auk,but I cannot say for certain. I tuned out most of the conversation. The wind was blowing more strongly than before and it felt nice against the humid air. I was mentally counting how much money I have to purchase sweet treats when I heard Penelope say,

“I must prefer the natural world to the..unatural one. There is nothing I love more than…grass.”

I mentally face palmed at the mention of grass. This conversation was not going great for Pen. I was about to intervene and help, but Lord Debling stated.

“What about grass do you so love Miss Featherington.”

“Uh…how it is so…green.”

“It is quite green.”

Cressida was trying to hide her laughter while Eloise seemed sorry for Penelope. I could not tell how Lord Debling was feeling, but he did not seem to find Penelope’s comment about grass odd. Maybe it is due to him being odd himself, but I would never say this out loud.

As the conversation progressed the wind grew stronger and it caused my scarf to blow throughout the wind. I chased after it, but the wind blew it even further. I ran after it, but the basket of the balloon was coming towards me. I could either run towards the basket to retrieve my scarf or run the other way empty handed. The latter was more safe, but that was my favorite scarf . Who knows what can happen to it.

I heard Penelope shouting my name, but I ignored them. My mission was to retrieve my scarf.

From the other side of the ballon I heard men trying to pull the balloon the other way. Hopefully this can give me the leverage I need to reach my scarf. The ballon moved from the bottom of the steps up to the middle of the wooden platform and it gave me enough room to run as fast as I could to my scarf.

My hand wrapped around the silk fabric and as I stood I noticed the basket of the balloon coming straight towards me.

The balloon is going to hit me.

The balloon is going to hit me.

The balloon is going to hit me.

That is all I could think about as the balloon came closer. I heard Penelope shouting for me to move, as I shuffled backwards. I tripped over my feet and fell on the ground. I closed my eyes in fear as I waited for the balloon to hit me.

Suddenly I felt someone from behind wrap their arm around my waist to shield me from the upcoming balloon.

[raya-hunter01]

Fade Into You Part. 6

Prequel Lights, Camera, Action!

Jey Uso x Black Female OC! (Shantell)

Roman x Black Female OC! Tangela

Solo x Black Female OC! Sofia

Jimmy x Trin

Rating: 18+

Warning: Smut; oral, sex, fluff, masturbation

FADE INTO YOU

Summary: This is the Prequel for Lights, Camera, Action! How does an outburst on your first day lead to a lifelong friendship with the Tribal Chief Roman Reigns and the stands the test of time. How does that friendship introduce you to a special group of people that will become your family.  

When did the lines get blurred between friendship and wanting a relationship with one of your best friends Mr. Main Event Jey Uso. Follow the friendships, and relationships of how they all came to be the one big happy family we all know and love in Lights, Camera, Action.

15 months later

Amway Center

Shantell’s POV

It is insane how a two-week shutdown has now turned into months. My graduation was cancelled and did virtually. I got hired by WWE, Joe had been home due to being immunocompromised.

Then another blow hit us even harder, Jimmy got hurt and had to undergo knee surgery leaving his and Jey’s career in limbo.

Gram and mom moved back in with me when the shutdown hit, and I think I’ve reeled them in to stay permanently.

We did shows at the Performance center, but I felt we could do more. It was so boring just seeing an empty place with occasional wrestlers cheering in the audience behind Plexi glass.  

Paul agreed and I began brainstorming ideas and the rest, as they say is history. The Thunderdome was born…Yea, I did that, and couldn’t help but feel overwhelmed watching the crew putting the final touches my vision.

We did a trial run for smackdown last night and everyone loved it. Today we’ve been working out the kinks and it’s coming along very well.

So how does it feel to be the new boss,” Tevin asked walking up to me as I laughed. “Scary as hell and I wanna throw up,” I said honestly.

“Stop stressing, they loved this idea,” he said walking around taking in the Thunderdome.

 “This shit is a game changer and last night was amazing.  You did dat Ma. Stop being modest and own da greatness that is you,” he said as I blushed.

“Thanks Tevin I just hate you leavin’,” I said as he waved me off. “I been on smackdown so long, I need a change and I think the Raw brand is it,” he said as I nodded in understanding.

 After the kiss and I set him straight Tevin had been on my good side and I have to say he has made working here these last few months fun.

I was actually going to miss him if that made sense. “They are going to enjoy your talent on the Raw brand,” I said as he gave me a hug.

“So, what is this I hear about these buff wrestlers asking you out,” he whispered as I cringed.

“Ugh, how you know about that?” I asked as he smiled at me. “One thing you gon’ learn, everybody knows everybody business when you work here,” he said as I pulled away, shaking my head at him.

“I don’t even know how it got started,they just been approaching me,” I said honestly confused.

 “Your fresh meat, that’s why ,but it will pass and I’m sure Jey ain’t takin’ it too well,” he said as I saw Jey coming down the ramp.

“No, but Jey’s just protective of me is all. So are Joe and Jimmy so it’s no big deal,”I said as Tevin scoffed.

“Bullshit, that fool likes yo’ ass but some reason can’t take the leap. He shouldn’t be able to control who you date especially since he’s dating people and I hear Taraji’s sniffing around again,” Tevin said as I kept a neutral look on my face as Jey got closer to us.

“It ain’t like that, Jey thinks of me as his friend. Plus, It’s been my choice to be single and has nothing to do with him,” I said as Tevin rolled his eyes at me.

“What I’m being serious, I have too much going on and some of ya’ll men tend to be drama queens. So, with that in mind I keep my heart and legs closed,” I said smartly as Tevin laughed at me.

 “Why you laughin’ at me?  I’m just keeping it real, it’s all about me and building my legacy.I ain’t got time for the bullshit,” I said shrugging my shoulders standing boldly in my truth.  “I feel you,” Tevin said as Jey made his presence felt.

“Damn, this looks tight Shan!” Jey exclaimed, cutting his eyes at Tevin before giving me a hug. I cringed as I saw Tevin’s eye twitch before he walked off without another word.

The tension was always there between the two and I didn’t know why.

Tonight was SummerSlam and Joe was returning so not even their pissing contest could ruin my night.

“Uh, thanks Jey, I’m shocked it’s coming together so good,” I said trying to change the subject as he looked at me in disbelief.

“It came from your brain of course it was going to be good,” he said as I smiled at him.

“Thank you, it means a lot,” I said as I saw Paul come on the top of the ramp smiling at the setup.

Yea, I think we were really on to something.

---

Joe’s POV

“So, this is what you do?” Tangela asked as I smiled at her. “Yea, it’s a little different now with no fans,” I said as she nodded her head taking in the backstage area.

I could tell she was overwhelmed as Shantell came over and put a comforting hand on her shoulder.

“I know it seems like a lot, but Joe knows what he’s doing and nobody is going to bother you back here,” Shantell reassured her.

I hoped Tangela could get use to this life. I mean being with her is just so different from any other relationship I’ve experienced.

She has a good head on her shoulders, just graduated business school and ready to take on the world.

I’m in love with this woman and I don’t want to screw it up.  

“Dang, you have to do a lot of stuff Shantell, I’d probably have a nervous breakdown,” Tangela said looking at the monitors as Shantell smiled.

“Girl, it’s a breeze I love it. How bout I show you some of it while Joe does his thing,” Shantell said as I smiled at them.

“Thanks for taking care of her, sis,” I said as she waved me off. “Go get ready and be careful,” she said as I went to get ready.

---

SummerSlam Main Event

Shantell’s POV

I missed Joe being in the ring and I honestly felt a little choked up seeing him again. This new side of him was what he wished he could do from the beginning.

The world was about to experience a new side to Roman Reigns and I hope they are ready for what’s about to come.

“You can’t handle this responsibility,” Joe said holding up the universal championship.

“I need that final shot, we’re going to fade out on Joe,” I called Tangela looked on in shock. “You want me to scan the Thunderdome or pace out?” Stu asked as I smiled.

“I need a zoom pan on Joe for about ten seconds then we’re going to fade out,” I instructed. “Got ya, Shan,” Stu responded. “This is all crazy,” Tangela whispered as I gave her a small smile. 

“Nobody saw this coming,” Cole said as Joe continued to talk his shit. “It’s always gon’ be mine,” he spoke as I smiled. He was in the zone, and that made me even more excited for this new storyline Paul had been working on.

 “I need a slow pan out shot of Joe over Bray, lets finish SummerSlam strong. It’s been amazing doing this with you all tonight,” I said as Paul smiled at me.

“Got you Shan,” Jane said. “Whoo, that shot looks sick girl,” I praised as she laughed. “Thanks boss lady, you keeping me on my toes,” she said as I smiled.

 “A’ight we’re out in 5, 4,3,2,1,” I said as Paul rubbed my shoulder. “You did that, everything looked amazing,” he said as I sighed in relief as he gave me a hug.

“Thank you so much I whispered returning the gesture before he got up to take a call. I felt accomplished, we really pulled it off. The fans interacted and everything looked awesome.

“That was amazing Shantell,” Tangela said as I smiled at her. “Thanks girly, I hope you join us more often. This is going to be where we hold all shows and PPV’s until we can start traveling and have crowds again,” I said as she gave me hug.

“Thanks for making me feel welcome,” she said as I smiled. “Your family and that is all to it. No need to thank me,” I whispered feeling her body relax.

She was good for Joe; I knew the first time I met her. Yep, big brother was off the market, and I was happy he found someone to love.

--------------------

One month Later

 Amway Center

Paul’s Office

Shantell’s POV

“Do you like it though?” Jey asked as I looked at the mullet he was rockin’.  “I mean it’s interesting, I said as he laughed.

“So, that means you hate it,” he said as I looked at the back of his head again and smirked.

“It fits you; I promise it looks good,” I reassured him as we waited on Paul and Joe.

“I wonder what this is all about, I hope they ain’t sending me home,” Jey said as I grabbed his hand.

“Stop overthinking everything. You have nothing to worry about, “I said trying to hold in the secret I knew they were about to drop on him.

“Sorry we ran behind in the creative meeting,” Paul said coming in with Heyman and Joe behind him.  Joe and I exchanged smiles as he nodded at me, letting me know everything was a go.

“So Jey we’ve been thinking about a few things,” Paul said as I felt Jey grab my hand as I gently squeezed it in support.

“When Joe decided to come back he asked me for several things. One of them was to work a feud with you,” Paul said as you could hear a pin drop as I looked at the shocked look on Jey’s face.

“Jey say something,” I said as he blinked quickly and looked at Joe. “Are you serious, Uce?” he asked as Joe smiled at him.

“Yea, I want us to work together and make history. The world deserves to see how talented you are,” Joe said as I could tell Jey was overwhelmed.  

“We want to build a stable with your family. Though it’s months away before Jimmy can return to action, we want to bring him in to be apart of this now as well,” Paul said as I felt Jey’s grip tightening on my hand.

“So, uh, how is this gon’ work?” Jey asked as Heyman laughed. “We are all going to put our heads together and blow the wrestling worlds mind. This is going to be the best long-term storyline in the history of this company,” Heyman said as Jey sighed rubbing his hand over his face.

“That is the goal Jey, and I promise you, if you trust the process, you’re going to go further than you ever dreamed you could. So will Joe, Jimmy, and Sefa,” Paul said as Jey perked up at the mention of his baby brother’s name.

“Sefa…. Are you serious? Don’t play wit me ya’ll,” Jey said as Paul laughed. “Yes, we are going to bring your brother in when his contract expires with Arizona Wrestling expires Paul said as Joe smiled.

  “We are in charge of this and how it goes Uce, no writers just us in this room,” Joe said as Jey looked at me.

“Did you know Shantell?” Jey asked as I nodded. “Yea, I did and I’m very happy for you and I know you can do this,” I said as his innocent eyes pierced my soul.

“So, can I take this to the creative table and tell them we are all on board?” Heyman asked as I began to wonder what my part in all this was going to be since Joe said we all would be involved.  I was just here for moral support.

 “I see the wheels turning over there Shantell. I need you to be my eyes portraying this story on camera. What you’ve done with the Thunderdome has been amazing and I need you on this,” Paul said as I nodded in understanding.

“You know I got ya’ll, count me in,” I said without hesitation truly honored they wanted me to be a part of the masterpiece they were about to create.

“Glad you’re on-board Shantell. Now Jey are you in?” Heyman asked as Jey seemed to be in doubt. “I don’t know ya’ll, I’m use to tag wrestling and having Jimmy by my side. I can’t abandon my brother now, can I even do good as a singles wrestler,” Jey said expressing his fears openly to us.

I understood what he was saying but he needed to know he wasn’t leaving Jimmy behind, and he needed to get out of his own way and try.

They were all about to be elevated to another level.

“Hey, you deserve this and your not abandoning Jimmy he’s going to be right there with you through it all. You can do this, stop doubting yourself,” I said as he sighed appearing to be in deep thought as he contemplated the huge offer just put before him.

“A’ight, I’m in,” he whispered as I clapped in excitement before giving him a hug.

“Ya’ll are going to change the game with this, enjoy it,” I whispered as  Joe came over and joined in on our group hug.

“Let’s do this Uce, let’s run this place,” Joe said as Jey smiled at him. “Damn right let’s do this,” Jey said as Paul smiled at us.

“I’ll go let creative know everyone is on board,” Heyman said as we celebrated.

History was about to be made, the bloodline was here and ready to take over the wrestling world.

------------

Hell in a Cell

Jey’s POV

I had been followed by WWE cameras for the last few days. I allowed them into my home as they documented my history with Joe.

I was nervous at first, but with Shantell being their instructing the camera crew on how to film and when to give me space I felt better about the mini documentary.

 She knows me so well and I’m thankful for her. Joe really seems to think everything is about really take off for me, but I feel bad Jimmy is hurt.

“Aye, you can keep filming, but can you give us a minute and film back there,” I told Stu pointing to the back of the room as I talked to Tamina and Shantell.

“Hey, you good?” Shantell asked kneeling beside me as I sighed knowing I wasn’t, clad in my white gear and my lei Tamina had made I was losing it.

“Hey breath, just breathe Jey,” Shantell said rubbing my back as Tamina reached over and grabbed my hand.

“You gotta stop cuz,” she whispered as I nodded.  “This is how it’s supposed to be, you deserve this, Stop thinking you don’t belong here,” she cried reaching over as they both embraced me as I broke down.

“I’ll give ya’ll a moment,” I faintly heard Stu say as I nodded truly overwhelmed as I heard the door close.  

“You can do this, you are going to do this. Now let’s get it together,” Shantell said as I took a couple deep breaths. “I’ma kill it,” I said talking down my nerves as Tamina laughed wiping her tears.

“Yes, you are, now stop making us cry,” she said as Shantell wiped her own tears. “I got ya’ll, I‘m ready now,” I sighed trying to convince myself.

“We are going to leave you alone and let you get your mind right,” Shantell said giving me a kiss on the cheek before standing up readjusting her hat.

“Yea, we will be in Gorilla,” Tamina said giving me a hug.

“Thanks, I don’t know what I’d do without ya’ll,” I said as Shantell smiled brightly at me. “We’ll see you soon,” she whispered as they left me to my thoughts.

Pulling myself up, I walked in front of the floor length mirror in my dressing room. I looked at myself in disbelief, I looked like a main even player.

I looked like I belonged and all that was left to do was to prove it tonight..

“This is it Josh, make it count and have fun,” I muttered to myself trying to shake off my nerves.

Tonight I knew I was losing but one day I know I will be world champion but for tonight I was going to put Joe over and began my career as new his right-hand man.

I hope the world is ready for this…

----

September 2021

Shantell’s Condo

Pensacola, FL

My first year with the WWE had gone well, the bloodline storyline was thriving, everyone was captivated by their storyline, and it was breaking viewing records on YouTube and bringing in high ratings.

 Yes, life was great but these last few weeks I had a nagging feeling something was wrong and the bomb my mom just dropped on me confirmed my worries.

“What do you mean stage three, and she doesn’t want chemo!” I exclaimed as my mother pulled me into the living room.

“Don’t let her hear or see you like this Shan,” my mom whispered as I tried to control my tears.  “Can ya’ll keep mama company for a minute?” my mom asked Jey and Joe as they sadly retreated to the kitchen.

“Why didn’t you tell me before now?” I asked my mom as she sighed in defeat. “We didn’t want to worry you, it’s only been a few weeks baby,” she answered without hesitation.

“Ya’ll shoulda’ told when you found out mama,” I said trying to stay calm. I had to fix it, I had to convince her to do chemo.

“I don’t understand how this happened and why she doesn’t want to do chemo,” I whispered as my mother tried to control her own tears. 

“Baby, it’s stage three and is beginning to spread. Chemo isn’t going cure her, it only is going to prolong life,” my mother cried trying to get me to understand.

“So, what’s wrong with prolonging life,” I cried not wanting to accept they were giving up.

“Baby, she isn’t strong enough to go through this. Think about it…. Constant chemo just to live and you know how it wrecked her body before. That ain’t a life for anybody, she’s tired Shantell,” she said as I cleared my throat trying to stop my tears.  

I knew she was right, but it didn’t make it hurt any less.

“I know she’s tired mama, in my mind, I know we have to let her go. I just wish somebody could explain it to my heart how to let her go,” I whispered in despair as we embraced each other.  

It was her choice and we had to accept it and prepare. How do you let go of someone you can’t imagine even existing in a world without them.

“Let’s go talk to her baby,” my mom said as I tried to get myself together.

---

Joe’s POV

“When the time comes, ya’ll take care of them,” Gram said as I held her hand. “We still got some time, you ain’t leaving us yet,” Jey said as she smiled at him. “I love ya’ll sweet boys,” she said as I smiled at her. "We love you too," Jey said giving her a sad smile.

“We sure do and we gon’ take care of them both, don’t you worry Gram,” I reassured her as we sat in silence in the kitchen.

As Shantell and her mother came back into the kitchen, I felt like my heart was straining against my chest as I saw the look of helplessness on their faces.

Jey’s POV

Shantell came and sat beside her grandmother taking her hand in hers. “Hey, baby,” Gram whispered as Shantell smiled sadly at her. “Hey Gram,” she whispered as her grandmother caressed her face.

“Gram, I’m going to call Paul,” Shantell started as her grandmother interrupted her. “No, your not Shantell. You goin’ to go to work, I ain’t letting you do this again,” she said with conviction as Shantell closed her eyes, her tears flowing freely.

“Gram, I..I want to be here with you,” Shantell said as her mother interjected.

 “Shantell, you are working one day a week sometimes two. We can manage here, until you come home. You’re not putting your life on hold again,” she said making no room for argument as Shantell sighed in defeat.

 “I don’t like it,” Shantell said wiping her tears as Gram smiled at her. “Well too bad because we got this, your mama and I already talked it over,” she said hugging Shantell. I knew the road ahead was going to be hard and this loss was going to hurt Shantell deeply.

---

May 16,2022

Raw

Trin’s POV

So much has been going on and the frustration is mounting. All of our schedules are picking up as we are appearing on both shows to help Raw with ratings.

The guys were thriving, while I was miserable. Sasha and I are really lacking teams to feud with.

 Shantell has been trying to help us voice our concerns to Mark, but he isn’t hearing anything we are saying and I’m ready to throw in the damn towel.

“You are going to do what we asked you to do and that’s the end of it. Stop being difficult or you both can walk,” Mark said as I looked at him in disbelief.

“Excuse me what did you say?” I asked Mark as he rolled his eyes at me. “I said you’re doing what I asked , or you can pack your shit and go home,” he said as Shantell looked at him like he was crazy.

“Aye, you need to calm down. They just brought you their concerns about the match and that’s what they are supposed to do. It ain’t no need to get rude,” Shantell said as I could tell she was about over his attitude as well.

“Shantell she ain’t getting special treatment cause' her husband is a star here. She should feel lucky we are considering her for this. They will be in the six-pack challenge; Sasha will pin her end of story,” he said as Sasha sighed in frustration.

 “She ain’t asking for special treatment she just asked a damn question. Will you listen to them, that’s your job,” Shantell said trying to reason with him.

“I ain’t got time for the theatrics today,” he said as I felt the fire rumbling within me.

“Look, I ain’t askin’ for no special treatment, but I deserve to be treated with respect. You don’t have to be rude, I just asked a question as to where the story was going,” I said feeling attacked and overwhelmed.

“I don’t think it makes sense for us to be in the title picture for the women’s title when we are tag champions. We need to be building a tag team division for us to compete against, instead of these random teams,” Sasha said as he scoffed at her.

Shantell’s POV

“Look we ain’t payin’ you to think. If we did you and Trin would both be broke!” he yelled as I as Trin and I both raised our eyebrows in shock.

Oh! So, you sayin’ we dumb? Look, you keep pushin’ but you don’t know me Mark, I ain’t the one,” Trin warned as her resolve was slipping. “Don’t know me either,” Sasha said fuming.

 “Ookk, and damn sure don’t know me! Cause’ one things for certain and two things for damn sure. If you say one more off the wall comment bout my sister or Sasha, we gon’ beat yo’ ass all up and though motherfucka. Think it’s a game Mark,” I said as he seemed to calm down at the new information he was being told.

“But you know what Shan? We ain’t gotta do that, cause he ain’t worth it. I should be thanking him because he just said made me realize something important,” Trin said looking at me with a sad smile as her unshed tears began to fall.

It painfully dawned on me she had reached the end of her rope, and I couldn’t blame her.

“What did you realize?” I asked as she took a deep breath trying to get her tears under control as she turned to face Mark who wore an unreadable expression on his face.  

“I realized that I have gave my all to this business to not be appreciated.  Constantly looked over because I don’t fit the mold of what they thought was marketable. I had to watch with a smile on my face as less talented people got ahead," she said unwavering, her voice strong and with conviction.

“You sure did put up with a lot of bullshit, patience of a damn saint,” Sasha muttered as Trin continued speaking her truth.

  “I put up with the constant disrespect but no more! I’m tired,” Trin cried as I felt my heart breaking for her.

“So I’ma take your advice Mark and leave,” she said wiping her tears. Slowly nodding her head in realization as to what she was actually doing and was at peace with it.

“What are you talking about?” Mark asked in shock.

“You heard me,I’m done…..Yea, I’m just done,” Trin said calmy walking out of the dressing room  “Fuck,”I muttered angry that everything had went this far.

“You know what? She’s right, I’m out too,” Sasha whispered following behind Trin.

I could tell he wasn’t expecting that outcome as he looked rather ill.

“If I was you, I would be really worried about the ass whopping you bout to catch for disrespecting Trin,” I said as I saw the look of fear set in as he processed what had just transpired.

“Better yet wait until I call Paul and tell him how you’re the reason two of his top female stars just walked out,” I said as he began to walk towards me.  

“Shantell you gotta help me,” he said as I looked at him like he was insane.

“Nawl, you was Billy Badass a few minutes ago. Keep that same energy,” I said leaving him alone in the dressing room in search of Trin and Sasha.

“Sasha wait!” I called out as I saw her moving swiftly towards the exit with her bags. “I’m good Shan, my husband is getting the car. I promise I’ll call you, I just need to get outta here,” she said hurrying out of the building.

“Damn it Trin where are you?” I muttered now searching the halls hoping I found Jimmy before she did.

Rounding the corner, I cringed as Jimmy came storming out of the bloodline dressing room with everyone hot on his heels.

 “Jon don’t! It’s not worth it!” Trin yelled, as he was trying to push past Jey who wasn’t moving. “I can’t let you do this Uce, let’s go talk,” Jey pleaded as Jimmy growled in frustration.

“Where the fuck is he!? I’ma kill his ass!” Jimmy yelled as Joe gently took Trin in his arms trying to calm her down.

 “Jurdy, I wanna leave, can we just please go,” she pleaded as Jimmy began pacing.

“Move Uce! I can’t let this slide, he been doin’ shit like this! I gotta Get his ass!” Jimmy yelled as Jey put his hand on his brother’s shoulder.

"Bro, let’s just go, and try to figure out what to do next. Trin needs you right now, look at her Uce," Jey said as Jimmy looked at Trin crying in Joe’s arms.

 "Let’s get outta here, we don’t need folks in our family business,” Joe said firmly as I went to Jimmy.

“Jonathon, Trin held her head high in there, and spoke from her heart. She said her peace about everything she felt and made her choice I said trying to reason with him. 

"Shan, he fuckin' "Jimmy started as Jey stopped him from talking so I could continue.

“She did the hard part, now she needs her husband to tell her it’s ok and he has her back,” I said as Jimmy seemed to be calming down.  

"I always got her back, she ain’t neva gotta question dat. It just didn’t have to go down like dat Shan. He ain’t had to do all dat to her,” he said pacing as I nodded in understanding.

“I know, but he did and now we gon’ deal with it,” I said rubbing his shoulder.

“I don’t want her to leave,” he whispered as Trin ran into his arms as the embraced each other tightly.

“I  gotta go babe, I can’t do this no more. It’s just too much to deal with,” she cried as he kissed her the top of her head gently. “I know it Trin….I know,” he whispered in defeat as we all looked on helplessly.

Damn…..The hits just kept coming, Trin just quit and her future was uncertain.

In my time in knowing her though I knew she would bounce back better than ever, just give her time.

-----

Clash at the Castle

September 3, 2022

Shantell’s POV

“Shantell, you need rest,” Paul said as I sipped on my hot coco. “I’m good, I promise,” I said as we got ready for the main event.  

“You look tired,” he pressed as I sighed putting my headset back on ignoring him. We needed to finish the show strong.

The crowd was hot, and they deserved the best show.

I had been on the go these last few months with Gram being sick and trying to stay on top of stuff here. I also help out Trin on my off days too, she just had shoulder surgery.

I have to say she was making good use of her time off getting old injuries fixed. Her and Jimmy were going strong but were still trying to get use to not seeing each other everyday.

Tonight, Sefa is coming into the fold to take his place in the bloodline. I couldn’t wait to see what ride they were going to take us on next.

Jimmy and Jey were given this PPV off storyline wise so I felt better about being over here in England knowing they were in Pensecola. They had been checking in on mama and Gram. Mama Uce even cooked for them a couple times a week.  Throughout this difficult time they all were a godsend and I owed them so much.

“How is your grandmother,” Paul asked as I smiled at him. “She’s doin’ ok, I mean the doctor told us six months and here we are pulling up on a year, so I am thankful,” I said really just grasping how time had really flew by.  

“Camera five, pan out Sefa’s coming your way,” I alerted seeing him come from the side. “Who is that?” Jane asked as I laughed. “I’m sorry, I meant Solo. Jane, my bad,” I laughed.

“We’re going to crown a brand new champion!” Cole screamed as the ref began to count. “What the hell! Someone just pulled the official out of the ring!" Cole’s excited voice rang in my headset.

“Camera eight it’s on you I need a side view,” I instructed as they focused on Solo as he pulled down his hood. “That is Solo Sikoa the Uso’s younger brother!” Cole announced as I smiled.

“Money shot!” I yelled as Paul laughed at me. “You enjoy this shit entirely too much,” he said as I shrugged my shoulders.

“Pan to Drew then back to Solo, I need that shot between camera twelve and hard camera,” I said watching the ending play out.

“Good call on that,” Paul praised as Joe and Solo walked up the ramp together. “Come on look back Joe,” I muttered to myself as Joe seemingly turned and posed as the fireworks went off.

“Great work! Team pace out shots of Drew and Joe along with Solo to close out in 5,4,3,2,1 and we are out!” I exclaimed, happy that it was over.

I quickly put my headset down and went to wait for them by the curtain.  I ran and hugged Solo as soon as he hit the curtain. “Congratulations!!” I yelled in excitement as he and Joe laughed at me.

“I take It your happy for me,” Solo said laughing as I handed him my phone. “Yes, now call your wife. she’s been blowing me up. She’s so excited,” I said leaning over to giving Joe a hug next.

“Damn, we are leveling up sis. Time for even something bigger,” Joe said as I smiled at him.

“Can you enjoy the moment for a change and stop trying to jump to the next thing,” I said as he shrugged his shoulders at me.

“I can’t help it, I’m excited,” he said as Solo passed me back my phone.

“Sis, it’s your mom,” he said as my heart dropped. “What’s wrong mama?” I asked as Joe’s smile dropped.

“You need to come home,I think this is it baby. We’re at the hospital,” she whimpered as I took a deep breath trying not to lose it listening to my mom cry.

"I love you, and  I’m on my way,” I said now on autopilot as I began moving around trying to gather up my things.

“What did she say?” Joe asked trying to keep up with me as I ignored him. “Shantell stop, what’s wrong?” Joe asked stopping me from moving.

 “They had to take Gram to the hospital and mom thinks this is it,” I whispered as Joe pulled me into a comforting hug as Solo went over to Paul to let him know what was going on.

----

Joe’s POV

Paul sent us home on the jet and it was the longest flight of my life. Shantell was quiet the majority of the time and seemed to be trying to process everything curled up in a seat by the window as we flew over the Atlantic.  

Eventually she fell asleep and I called Jey. I needed to know and prepare for what we were walking into.

“Aye, are ya’ll in the air yet?” Jey asked as I sighed. “Yea, we are we got about three hours left. Shantell is finally asleep, so I wanted to call and see what was going on,” I said trying to keep my voice down.

“Uce, they think this is it. She has sepsis in the colon and at this point all they can do is make her comfortable. It’s anytime now,” Jey whispered as I felt my own tears fall. “Damn it Gram,” I muttered.

“They are waiting for Shantell and her aunt to get here so the doctor can explain everything,” Jey said as I laid back in my seat.

“This wasn’t supposed to happen like this Jey,” I said as I heard the breaking in his voice. “Yea, I know. Ya’ll just get here safe, and I’ll see ya’ll when you get here,” Jey said as I reluctantly hung up.

I was dreading getting off this jet even more after my conversation with him but I knew one was for certain we were all going to be with Shantell through all of this.

----------

Pensacola Memorial Hospital

Jey’s POV

I didn’t know what to say or do as we all gathered into the family consultation room as Shantell and Joe were downstairs and on the way up.

The room quiet as Shantell’s mom and sister sat opposite each other and I could feel the tension between them.

Trin and I looked at each other feeling sad witnessing the moment between the sisters but we were here for Shantell and her mom.

Jimmy came in with Sofia and sat on the other couch. “Shantell wanted to see Gram and should be in shortly. The doctor should be in soon too,” Sofia said as I nodded.

I was so grateful to know Sofia was the RN assigned to Gram tonight. I knew she would be in good hands.

---

Shantell’s POV

“Gram, I’m here,” I whispered as she opened her eyes. She tried to talk as I shushed her to stop trying knowing it was uncomfortable with the  tubes in her mouth and nose.

Her hand reached up and caressed my face as tears began falling from her eyes. I grabbed her hand and kissed it. I knew in that moment she was hanging on for me but was ready to go.

“She’s waiting on you to tell her it’s ok to go babydoll,” Joe muttered wrapping his arms around me. gently placing a kiss on my temple as I broke down in his arms.

“I’m here wit you,” he soothed as I could only nod my pain to great to even put into words, but I knew I had to let her go.

 She looked so tired and not like herself, I couldn’t be selfish. “Gram, are you tired?” I whispered and without hesitation she nodded slowly. Quickly blinking her eyes as more unshed tears escaped them before she looked at me again.  

 “It’s ok Gram, I’m ok….Me, mama and auntie are going to be ok,” I whispered reassuring her as she nodded. Leaning over I gently kissed her forehead and then her cheek.

“I love you,” I whispered as she nodded placing her hand in mine as we sat in silence.

Joe’s text alert went off as he sighed. “The doctor is waiting Shan,” he whispered as I nodded taking a deep breath.  Reaching over I hugged my grandmother. “I’ll be back,” I said as she shook her head at me.

“Gram, please,” I started as she shook her head again as I sighed.

“She don’t want you to see her this way,” Joe whispered as Gram slowly nodded indicating he was right.

Sighing in defeat I gave her a look to let her know the conversation wasn’t over.

Walking to the consultation room I felt numb and couldn’t believe this was really happening.

 Jey’s POV

“They on the way,” I said to Shantell’s mom and aunt. “Good because somebody needs to tell me something,” Shantell’s aunt said as Trin and I shifted uncomfortably in our seats.

I understood how she was feeling but she’s been rude as hell since she’s got here.  

“Why are ya’ll even in here? This is for family only, and you’re not family,” she said looking around at us as I heard Trin sigh in frustration.

 “Lady, don’t make me read you yo’ damn rights up in here,” Sofia started as I reached over and patted her knee. Calm down sis, I whispered as she took a breath shakin’ her head in disbeilf.

 “Ain’t even been here for yo’ mama, and now wanna come in here and take over,” Sofia muttered as Trin cleared her throat trying to mask what Sofia said. Thank god it seemed only Trin, Jimmy and me heard it.

“They here because while you’ve been in Ohio livin’ your life, they’ve been helping Shantell and I take care of mama. Mama loves them all and considers them family and so do I. So, you can either deal with it or get out,” Shantell’s mother said as her sister dropped her head in shame.

“I’m sorry ya’ll this is just a lot, and I meant no harm,” she said as I nodded at her in understanding.

Seeing Shantell and Joe walk in I felt even more helpless. She looked so broken hugging her mom, aunt, and Sofia.

"Thanks for being here ya’ll," she whispered as Jimmy, Trin and I stood up to give her a hug.

“We love you,” Trin whispered as Shantell nodded and sat beside me with Joe on the other side as I grabbed her hand.

I felt her tense as the doctor began talking. I rubbed her hand trying to calm her down as Sofia got up went to stand behind Shantell putting her hands on her shoulders.

“I wish I had better news to report but we found sepsis, and her organs functions are slowing down. Even with treatment if her heart stops, we can’t perform life saving measures,”he said as Shantell’s mom broke down.

“Why is that?  I mean you all have the equipment you need to do what’s necessary,” Shantell’s aunt started as the doctor interrupted her.

“Your mother signed a DNR when we brought her in, and she did another one a couple weeks ago at her last doctor’s appointment. It’s in her records, did she not tell you,” the doctor asked as I saw Shantell shake her head in disbelief. 

“Aww, Gram,”Shantell muttered as her mother was trying to process the inormation the doctor was saying.

“What is a DNR?” her aunt asked as Shantell wiped her tears.  “It means do not resistitate auntie,” she whispered as her aunt scoffed at the notion.

“No! She wouldn’t do that!” she cried as Shantell took over asking the questions. “How long does she have?” Shantell asked as her aunt interrupted.

 “Shantell be quiet It ain’t going to even come to that. Mama is going to bounce back,” she said in denial.

“She is dying! What part of that don’t you understand!” Shantell cried as Sofia rubbed her shoulders.

“It’s ok Shan, just breathe,” Sofia coached as I tightened my grip on her hand as her knee began to bounce nervously as Joe caressed her knee.

“How long does she have doctor?” Tanya asked as the doctor cleared his throat.

“We will be lucky if she makes it through the night,” he responded as Shantell stormed out of the room without another word.

“I got her Uce,” I said stopping Joe from getting up as I went in search of Shantell.

I saw her getting on the elevator, as I rushed to get in before it’s doors closed. Her body leaned against the back wall, her body trembling as she cried..

 Reaching over I hit the emergency button as we stopped.

I knew she needed a minute before we stepped off the elevator to the prying eyes of strangers.

Her tear-filled eyes piercing my soul as her tears flowed like a river down her beautiful face. “Josh” she whimpered enclosing her hands over her face as I closed the distance between us taking her in my arms.

"Let it out baby," I whispered consoling her as her silent cries began to grow louder as she fought against releasing her pain.

A soul crushing scream fell from her lips as I refused to let her go.

“AAAAAH! GRAM!!!” she cried fighting against me as I held her tighter.

“I ain’t letting you go, Shan…. Do you hear me? I got you, I always got you. Just lean on me baby,” I whispered as the woman I loved continued to fall apart in my arms.

“I can’t do this,” Shantell cried as I held her tight.

“You ain’t gotta do it alone, we all here and we gon’ get through this together,” I soothed as she nodded, her hands now gripping my shirt tightly as I rubbed her back.  

Trying to wrangle in her emotions, she pulled away, wiped her tears and began taking deep breaths as she paced the elevator.

It was like she was preparing herself for what she knew she needed to do.

 I watched in awe at the sudden calmness washing over her beautiful face as she cleared her throat and stopped pacing.

Several minutes passed and I knew we needed to turn the elevator back on before they sent out the calvary.

“You ready beautiful?” I asked as she nodded as I restarted the elevator. “Go back up,” she whispered as I hit the seventh floor.

---

 Shantell’s POV

The calmness and peace that washed over the room is something I will never forget. My grandmother’s body stilled as she took her final breath as my mother sliently weeped at the loss of her mom along with her sister.

“Are we calling it?” Sofia asked as the doctor as he finished checking her vitals and looked at the clock.

“Call it…. Time of death 12:35 am September 5,2022 he said as I gently leaned over and kissed my grandmother goodbye before walking out of the room.

“Sis, you ok?” Jimmy asked as I smiled sadly at him and Trin. “She’s gone,” I whispered taking a seat beside Joe and Jey as we all sat in silence and grief.

Damn it Gram, you really got us with this one……

My name is Shantell Johnson and my grandmother Renae “Gram” Johnson died on September 5, 2022, and she took a piece of my heart right along with her.

Taglist: @reci24 @southerngirl41 @vebner37 @jeyusos-girl

@melaninsugababy @romanreignkisser @bebesobrielo

@arination99 @2-muchsauce @bakugoumarianawrites

@empressdede @alyyaanna @christinabae @anonandwannakeepitthatway @venusesworld @jeyusosgirl  @theninthwonder @mya2real @ trc-punzel

[carriagelamp]

I don't know what to say here this month. February, eh? Hate February, the Thursday of months, I'm just clinging to sanity while I wait for spring. Here are the books that helped me through what is basically a month of overcast skies and fucking winter rain.

Candy Color Paradox v6

Candy Color Paradox is a series I’ve been reading for years now and I’ve really enjoyed how the relationship in this one has progressed over that time. It started somewhat similar to how you’d expect a yaoi manga to start — lots of tension, drama, smut, and some light antagonism between the two main characters who both work at the same weekly magazine. But it’s eased into something that’s really quite genuine. This most recent volume focused entirely on moving in together and all the little complications and insecurities that arise because of that.

Circus of Fear

A 1980s D&D choose your own adventure novel so the quality is exactly what you would expect, but at the very least it was a fun little diversion. Doing a CYOA book with a friend can honestly be a blast, they just feel so silly, and the setting of a magical, vaguely sinister circus is always an enjoyable backdrop. We managed to get a good ending on the second try! So yay! I'd honestly like to read it again and try some of the other routes that also sounding intriguing.

Dungeon Meshi // Delicious in Dungeon v1

Me and my girlfriend started watching Dungeon Meshi because we’d seen so much about it on tumblr lately and wow. Just wow. It really is doing something special and we’re completely enamoured. Since we’re waiting for new episodes, I picked up the first book so we could compare it and the show — it’s really impressive how closely they align! And the art is really lovely, it stands out and not just for it's food glamour shots.

For those who haven't been seduced into watching the anime yet: Dungeon Meshi / Delicious in Dungeon is a DND-style parody in which the adventuring party needs to enter the monster-filled dungeon to save one of their companions who got eaten by a red dragon. They need to get to her and revive her before she entirely digested. However, to hasten their quest (and indulge one of their member’s strange obsessions) they begin to hunt and eat the monsters that fill the dungeon instead of trying to bring food in from the outside. This is 80% a cooking anime and 20% a comedic adventure anime. Book or show, doesn’t matter which, you should give it a try if you haven’t.

Down Among the Sticks and Bones

I really enjoyed the first book of the series, Every Heart A Doorway, and was excited when I found out there was a prequel about Jack and Jill and the world they visited. This can either be read as a prequel or it works fairly well as a stand-alone novella; the story is about twin sisters who have always been forced to fill very precise societal roles by their parents. One afternoon, they stumble across a magical door in the bottom of a chest and venture down into the sinister world of the moors where one sister is taken in by a vampire lord and the other by a mad scientist. The story looks at how the sisters grow and change when apart from each other and their controlling parents. Excellent story, the language is just so enticing.

Midnight Sun

My brother has been watching all the Twilight movies with a couple of his friends. Listening to him bitch about Jacob like it was 2007 reawakened something in me, so after laughing myself sick I had to go and relisten to Midnight Sun. Still genuinely and unironically love this book, it’s pure trash but by god it's my trash. I’m a simple soul.

Odder

I’ve been hearing great things about this book, and it’s hard to go wrong with Katherine Applegate so I was excited to finally read it. This is a book written entirely in free verse poetry about an orphaned otter and her experiences being rescued by the Monterey Bay Aquarium. It’s inspired by a true story (several true stories, actually!) and it's very worth picking up even if you don't usually go for poetry. It's charming and reads very easily.

Old-Fashioned Cupcake

A middle-aged salaryman is feeling worn down by the humdrum nature of his life, which is filled mostly with work these days. This manga kicks off with his coworker suggests that if he wants to deal with the feelings of boredom and aging, then he needs to do something to shake up his life: so he suggests that they “act like a pair of teenage girls” and go to a fancy new pancake shop just because it seems fun, never mind that it’s not something grown men are supposed to do. This manga ended up being pretty darn cute -- it was slow and compassionate and loving -- and it managed to convince me to buy its sequel.

Professor Calculus: Science’s Forgotten Genius

A ridiculous little book I bought on impulse that was nevertheless a lot of fun to read. It’s a tribute to Cuthbert Calculus, celebrating the 80th anniversary of his first appearance in Tintin. It dives into some of the inspirations that went into the character, and also lovingly and cheekily explores some "facts" we know about Calculus as a person… and wildly extrapolates more from there. It was a cute little read for anyone who’s a fan of the series and wants something a little extra.

Return to Oz

I recently rewatched this movie and maintain that I like it more than the original film, sorry. It made me decide to grab the novelization because I’m always a sucker for a novelization <3 This one was pretty solid too, it actually included details that were left out of the film and improve the stories overall cohesion which is always the marker of a good novelization.

Return to Oz takes place several months after the original film, when Aunty Em and Uncle Henry are trying to build a new house and get the farm back in order before winter. Concerned by Dorothy’s continued belief in Oz and her increased insomnia, Aunty Em decides to take her to a doctor who offers healing through electroshock therapy. Yeah, it’s exactly as fucking creepy as it sounds… You get a scary aslyum, a sinister head nurse, being strapped to a hospital gurney, and new baddies that scared the bejeezus out of me as a kid. Anyway, before she can be electrocuted, Dorothy manages to escape back to Oz where she discovers her friends are in dire need of help. It’s like Alice: Madness Returns but from Disney. Go watch this movie.

She Drives Me Crazy

I had very mixed feelings about this book. It’s about high school basketball player, Scottie, who has suffered a bad breakup with her girlfriend who moved schools to play on the opposing basketball team. Things go from bad to worse when she gets into a car accident with her arch-nemesis, the cheerleader Irene. One things lead to another and bada bing bada boom we have a fake dating scheme so that Scottie can get back at her ex.

This book had some genuinely fun moments (I’m always a sucker for a fake dating scheme, and the characters were reasonably fun) but it’s biggest failing is one that I’ve seen more than I like in current queer lit. It just tries so. fucking. hard. to be unproblematic. Like yeah, it’s great to see healthy relationships but it was SO explicit about it. So much therapy speak, way more than feels natural for a conversation or internal monolgue, especially when they’re in high emotions. The “banter” was very scripted. It was a book that felt like it had a laugh track. And while the ending was satisfying enough, it was also… I don’t know. Anticlimactic. We just spent so long tying everything up in a perfectly neat little bow that it really just strolled to an ending that was obvious from a mile away. 

Like look, I get it, we want this to be squeaky clean and beyond reproach, but I have NEVER entered a fake dating story hoping that everyone was going to be really sensible and respectful and level-headed. Fake dating is the slapstick of the romance world, I want some Shakespearean level bullshit, please don’t try to gussy it up for me. Gonna go and rewatch 10 Things I Hate About You or something just to feel things again. Or maybe pop over to AO3, your average fic writer at least understands that when I say fake dating I mean I want something absolutely fucking unhinged and filled to the gill with mutual pining.

So yeah, if you want a sports-based high school sapphic romance: it’s not a bad book. It went down easy, I liked listening to it in the mornings when I needed something light before work. Some bits I even quite enjoyed. But it’s not going to rock your world.

Shuna’s Journey

Well, if nothing else you can really, definitely tell this was done by Hayoa Miyazaki. I’m honestly not really sure how I felt about it. The art was beautiful, and the story was pure undiluted Miyazaki through and through. The narrative was very nice. The story and message was poignant. It was a nice book. I can’t say it’s stuck very heavily in my mind, but I enjoyed reading it. It felt like a precursor to Princess Monoke / Nausicaa, perhaps?

The Witches

The story of one child and his grandmother needing to contend with witches. Not fairytale witches. Real witches. And all their horrible, child-hating ways. One thing I will always love about Dahl is that when he wants to write about something Horrible, nothing will stop him. His villains are truly villainous and the witches are a prime example of that! I loved the description of the witches and their horrible, sinister deeds, especially in the first half of the book. This sure is Child Murder: The Novel! The ending was absolutely not what I was expecting, and I appreciate that. Such a bizarre book.

[jedi-qui-gon]

Mental health and Comfort Characters

It was difficult to post this, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to...but we all need to pay more attention to mental health.

Here’s a very important video my cousin made, about art and mental health-

Mental health and the arts. I get pretty vulnerable in this one. Probably too vulnerable, but I think this is an important topic we… | Instagram

It really stuck with me.

As an artist – one who writes - I have my mental health struggles. Sometimes I feel like my works are average, never ‘good’ or great’. And sometimes I feel like I’m not improving, that my writings will never reach the levels of the writers who’ve created and published Star Wars novels like E. K. Johnston (writer of the Ahsoka novel) and Claudia Gray (writer of Master & Apprentice). But I know it’s just the mental health issues talking, I just gotta keep practicing!

My cousin does therapy. Though for me, since I’m deaf/hard of hearing and struggle to understand people I don’t know well and often strangers don’t understand me, therapy for mental health the ‘standard way’ just seemed too daunting. But my cousin shared a link more recently for deaf and hard of hearing accessible mental healthcare that’s chat based. Hope to give it a try soon!

And recent events in past months haven’t helped my mental health at all.

I was away on vacation with my mom and my grandma in January of this year to Texas. It started off good but things went awry towards the end and my grandma’s health took a downturn. But thankfully she improved and we were able to go home.

On the 29th of January, I had worked on notes for my therapist for when I do the mental health therapy. It got too much to finish in one day, brought up old painful memories, triggered and upset me. But it is needed for the therapist but didn't want to push myself too hard, it’s not something I need to finish just yet.

If that had been all I would have been back to writing and posting by now, but sadly my grandma passed away on February 6th …still recovering. I was so upset I hadn’t posted any fanfics since then.

Related to my mental health, there’s something called ‘comfort characters’ and here’s what my Bing Search said -

“A comfort character is a fictional character from a film, TV show, book, or video game that someone thinks of in times of distress, to help them feel better. A comfort character can make the person feel comfortable and safe, because they relate to them, look up to them, or feel like they have a special bond with them. A comfort character can also provide a sense of security and order in a chaotic world.”

Qui-Gon Jinn and Ahsoka Tano, both from Star Wars, are surely my comfort characters.

Qui-Gon Jinn used to be my favorite, first got into Star Wars via the Prequel Trilogy long ago.

Back then, I was such a fan of Qui-Gon I had ‘Jedi Qui-Gon’ as my Fanfiction.net username, Xbox gamertag, and used a picture of him as my profile pics on the sites I had accounts on. And have recently changed my usernames on the sites I felt like doing so to ‘Jedi Qui-Gon since he’s still my second favorite in Star Wars.

It’s safe to say he helped me through the last year of High School back in 2011-2012. It got so bad I considered dropping out but hung in there. One saving grace came out of that which was my high school graduation party my family had. I had requested a cake, a Star Wars Qui-Gon Jinn cake and loved it!

More recently, in the new 20’s and onward, Ahsoka Tano became my favorite Star Wars character, Qui-Gon became second place. Ahsoka is my profile pics for most of the sites I have accounts on.

At first I had just liked her. But after the Ahsoka novel, Star Wars Rebels, Season 7 of Star Wars the Clone Wars, and her appearance in The Mandalorian; she became my favorite. And loved her appearances in The Book of Boba Fett and her show too!

And a reason I’m happy for that, her content, Star Wars, and more Qui-Gon content as well is because I used to be a fan of Harry Potter, written by JK R*wl*ng. When she revealed her ugly hateful self and dove into the abyss of evil, I felt betrayed. And that did not help my mental health at all.

To help deal with the hurt jumped in Star Wars more, and Ahsoka Tano. I feel Ahsoka would have some...choice words directed at the sleemo…especially for tricking children…

[5-7-9]

I actually liked coodot’s cancer plotline, for inspiration for my own reclamation AU purposes.

So S1 or the Prequel (featuring Eddie! Or Edward) Where Riddler’s debut is hacking into the television for his puzzle show… only this happened AFTER Joker first did it, so the public thinks he’s some “Joker copycat.” Obviously infuriated by this, he sets Joker as a (one-sided) rival! I read a fic that i can’t remember, where Eddie was a fan and his first meeting with Joker was in Arkham but he was completely disassociating, the day after Eddie officially stopped caring and thought he sucked but Joker was present mentally there this time being just as annoying as he usually is but this time slightly interested. Yeah, Eddie never was a fan in my version, but i liked the idea of Joker disassociating (in my AU Joker usually disassociates in Arkham and that’s the explanation as to why he doesn’t leave as quickly as easily it seems).

Anyway, Eddie does his usual interactions and teamups with rouges, being abused in Arkham, that stupid misdiagnosis of OCD is given + other wrong diagnosis's (but this time on purpose by me), and is generally annoying to everyone. He’s not given lots to work with in the prequel besides being convenient for Batman to do vigilantism, so I’m skipping over to-

S2 or the main story: Eddie’s experiencing the new resurgence of Arkham Asylum, getting to do more bonding with the patients that doesn’t involve manipulation or insulting or just to hear his own voice. He gets a proper re-diagnosis, this time he has autism with NPD!!! Leland gets to him with his daddy issues, and the whole ableism and bullying thing makes more… sense now. (In this world, i tried smashing the original Batman’s 1940 date with slightly current-er 2000s together, so the timeline’s going by real life standards but faster and combined with the unrealistic elements) (So actually autism is a new-ish concept) (Still, even with that context, it doesn’t excuse how Arkham’s “doctors” just fucking suck). Anyway, better coping mechanisms! Whoo!

Eddie actually decides to get properly released, since it seemed really easy? He’s partaking in the Wayne’s charitable jobs for unemployable people like ex cons and maybe immigrants and others idk. (I saw a fic do this, but i swear i thought of the idea before i saw it, but haha coincidence). Most of the rouges are apart of this program, so there’s fun shenanigans to happen there. Actually, most of the rouges are also part of the all inclusive queer group from that bar, i think i mentioned that already tho. Eddie fits in pretty nicely with the queer group, people actually support and praise and hype him up awwwww.

Eddie actually joins a different group distanced from the activists and queers, he joins a coding or nerd(?) club. He meets Barbara, a STEM(?) graduate(?), that managed to impress him somehow (i haven’t figured out the why yet). They end up working with each other for some mystery/puzzle solving (anti-villain) (poor Gordon 💀).

So the cancer part is real, and everyone is sad about it. There’s an entire not-birthday party set up just to celebrate him before he passes away. (I wanted Eddie to feel important without needing him to prove it).

So this is where Lois and Luthor actually comes in. Lois was having a pretty successful anti-Lex campaign, his reputation was getting to an uncomfortable point… Until Luthor dropped the fucking “I found the cure to cancer” BOMB!!! So, the media doesn’t know what to think, neither does anyone else (don’tcha just hate it when that shitty guy does a good thing?). Eddie was one of the guys that got cured, so he’s unfortunately indebted to Lex.

I think that’s all i got for now

[canyouhearthevoices]

‘Precious Overture’ Lyric Analysis

Released with TREASURE EP Fin: All to Action, as a precursor for the following album, Action to Answer, in October 2019. 

The song is very similar to the final, extended version released with Action to Answer, but, of course, a short little teaser. I have already analysed the main version here, but, since it’s been a while since that post came out, and since I have my own things to say about ‘Precious: Overture.’ I have made a separate post. Perhaps we should consider this the first of my ‘revised’ lyric analyses?

‘Precious’ and by extension, ‘Precious: Overture,’ are considered the HALATEEZ version of ‘Treasure.’ This conclusion came about in several ways; 1) The last two albums of the TREASURE series, All to Action and Action to Answer, included far more HALAteez than the previous albums (allegedly), thus, they were more focused on. 2) The choreography and lyrics were a darker reflection of ‘Treasure,’ just as HALATEEZ were a darker reflection of ATEEZ. 3) The choreography included a lot of insanity, isolation, and imprisonment imagery, all of which are associated with HALAteez. 4) Look, ATINY have some very popular theories, man.

And, despite my existential crisis over the storyline and the different versions of ATEEZ, I still think it’s a pretty solid argument to make that ‘Precious’ is a HALATEEZ song. It depicts the end of a journey, through the gaining of the Treasure, and the beginning of a new journey, through Hongjoong’s insanity and the idea of needing to find the Treasure ‘again.’ Now, it could certainly be TREASURETEEZ we’re looking at - in which case, they lose the Treasure found in ‘Answer’ and either we don’t hear any further from them, we see them gain the Treasure again in ‘Answer’ on KINGDOM, OR they continue their journey in FEVER (which falls in line with Hongjoong saying that FEVER and TREASURE take place in the same universe). Alternatively, and as most people seem to think, it could be HALATEEZ depicted. In which case, it most likely becomes a prequel of sorts to ‘Treasure,’ showing the initial downfall of HALAteez and the origin of their extreme need to stalk/help all of the other versions of ATEEZ.

Ayo you know a song is good when it holds up under a massively changing storyline, even 3+ years later, and can be interpreted in multiple different ways. each with different themes and meanings and which may all be equally correct.

Or maybe you’re one of those people who like songs with a very clear, linear, and explicit meaning. I don’t know which option I prefer more...

Full lyric analysis below the line.

Precious: Overture

The last two lines of this verse are also translated as; ‘along the way I’ve been, I’m standing in front of a new beginning.’

The first two lines here are also translated as; ‘Follow these dreams and become one with this colour gathered by the light.’ The last section of the last line is also translated as ‘journey towards the end.’

When I look at Hongjoong’s last part again, I suddenly wonder - did they find their Treasure in All to Action and then lost it, having to find it again in Action to Answer? Or was it one of my original interpretations? The original seems more likely, since the song also appeared with the same lyrics at the end in Action to Answer, suggesting that it was still relevant then... I guess HALATEEZ just get to keep failing over and over.

Conclusions

You know I’m going to like a song if it’s got insane Hongjoong in it. And this song was pretty much the origin of insane Hongjoong theory. Thus it is indeed my idol and I want to see it succeed.

I’m not so sure that I want Hongjoong to succeed in his goals, though...

[captainaikus]

Belle!!!! It feels like forever since I’ve interacted on here 😭😭. Sorry abt that!! Honestly I’m good with either solo duds or long hcs. Maybe you can alternate between them? Either way I’m excited for the new works. Love how your angst is so phenomenal that your comfort has more notes asdjkhffggghghh 💀💀. Also. Like. It just hit me. OLIVER HAS HETERO EYES. OH MY GOD. Like I knew this before (obviously) but it’s like REALLY hit me recently and just mmmmmmhhhhmmmm yes yes yes HES SO SCUFFY LOOKINGLY HANDSOME AND ALL FOR WHAT. ahem anyways. “Should come soon if my fingers are fast enough” 💀💀. NO but like imagine saying that to Oliver as he’s a withering whiny desperate mess underneath you 👀👀. He’d love the objectification I just know it 😌. Aiku mini series you say?? 👀👀👀 I’m looking forward to it!! AKSO THESE ANON ASKS GAVE GOT ME KICKING MY FEET IN MY SHEETS AND TWIRLING MY HAIR AND TEARING UP. Like the fluff, the smut, and the angst??? UGH THEYRE ALL SO GOOD. All of it makes me want to bite something Bachiras neck. Also idea. But jealous Oliver would absolutely hate your obsessions with idols and fictional characters I’m telling you now.

“Are you telling me that if he was real, you’d pick him over me???”

“Yes. It’s like comparing a five course meal to an apple Ollie. The choice is obvious.”

*Oliver stands there in disbelief*

Asgkkkhghihhhhgffggg

I did not know that abt the ring thing that’s actually adorable. NO BUT IDEA OLIVER WOULD TOTALLY GET YOU A AMETHYST PROMISE RING WHEN HE REALIZES THAT HES SERIOUS ABT YOU AND AN EMERALD ENGAGEMENT RING FOR WHEN HE FINALLY PROPOSES!!!! ALSO thoughts. Bachira would absolutely be the kind of boyfriend that would assume you guys are dating without telling you and when someone asks “are you guys a couple” you’re standing there flustered and he’s like yes like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. AND idk why but I think Bachira would be one of the blue lock boys who marries the earliest. And it surprised everyone but also made complete sense because if Bachira knows he wants something, he goes after it and sticks with it. So when he realized that he couldn’t imagine you guys NOT growing old together, he immediately started looking for rings. Anyways. How’s are you?? How’s uni going? Tumblr bring super annoying with the tagging system atm cause I know I tagged you in a couple things and it’s not showing your responses?? And I’m mildly terrified that you’ll tag me in something and I won’t get it until later and it’ll seem like I’m ignoring you when I’m not 😭😭. Have you eaten today? Drank some water? Go do that!!! *sends aggressive virtual hugs*

- ✨ anon

This is gonna be a long ask - cause Oliver + Meguru scenarios- drabbles

Starry! It has been long but understandable cause you have exams- so on popular opinion, alternating between them... hm. good idea- i'm working on a piece rn - and yk its gonna be good when you got good music playing the bg- cause this piece is just... i don't wanna put expectations high cause i might end up disappointing you, but for me? its something that's been making me smirk the whole day.

Oh god, the comfort getting more notes 💀 i'm still confused cause- how. To begin with the pain took a lot of notes (cause istg this is a first that my works are crossing beyond 400 notes) and then the sequel is getting more notes than the prequel? the math isn't mathing rn in my head 💀💀 (even the sequel for the Tōji fic crossed 500 notes and I’m so confused) but ty for reading them and sharing your thoughts with me on this - everyone. And thanks for telling me about my work-

Yes, my husband Oliver does have heterochromatic eyes. He is scuffy looking and handsome. He is a pretty boy (¬////¬) tch. as if his pride needs to hear that.

If I said that (“Should come soon if my fingers are fast enough”) to Oliver, then it would have its own repercussions with him challenging me and then turning into a whining desperate mess on the bed - from overstimulation. (and i'm shorter than him. Imagine the amount of damage his pride would take smh) oh yeah objectification - istg the first line that came into my head as a dialogue is going into a fic (and i have used it once) so the thing with Oliver is that- this man. he gives off that whole Aura that he knows what he is doing and all right- in truth? he wants to be dominated by you. He doesn't mind being the dom but he enjoys it when you're the one who is rough on him and he likes pissing you off. (and god the brainrot i'm having rn cause of him is going into this fic that i'm writing)

The amount of searching i did to find that doc (ㅠ﹏ㅠ) it was untitled among 30 other untitled docs (ㅠ﹏ㅠ) - so i finally labeled it and i'm putting labels on other fics as well Jealous oliver is very cute. He'd go and pout on the couch, way to coax him out- is to baby him. "Is my Olive sad?" “Is my wittle Olive sad?”

Oliver : “Shut up.”

You : “I’m not going anywhere you brat. I was just kidding.”

Oliver : “You would trade me for Henry Cavill?”

You : “Nope.”

Oliver : “Cause I would trade you for Scarlet Johansson.”

You : “…”

Oliver : “Doesn’t feel so good to be traded now is it?”

You : “Is Sendou looking for a girlfriend? I might be interested since my boyfriend is being a jackass.”

Oliver : “…”

You : “Doesn’t feel so good now does it?”

Getting back to the heterochromia part- imagine doing the pupil dilation with Oliver- for "science purposes." you : "Close your eyes. Think of some random stuff." Oliver : "Why are we even doing this." You : "I wanna see if pupil dilation works. Open them." Oliver *opens eyes* : "Pft. Okay" You : "Alright... close your eyes again and think of me." Oliver : "hm...." You : "Open them" Oliver slowly opened his eyes, the center of it dilated as it struggled to adjust to the light. "You really do love me don't you-" "Don't flatter yourself Bambi, it's your rack/ ass." Yeah i like this non-existent relationship. It's a very fun one ♡⸜(˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝ cause playful banter in a relationship is like a checkbox for me- honestly. I'm not one of the lovey dovey types- even if I am it is in micro doses. Actions matter to me more than words... and Oliver is good at both- smooth jackass cause he is a charmer (,,>﹏<,,)

Oh yeah Bachira is totally the type to drop a bomb out of somewhere abt a relationship. Like imagine you both being in a situationship and he says that you are gonna meet his mom cause he arranged dinner for the three of you to meet up- and Yuu asks about you. "We're in a relationship." *spits water* "You should have introduced me sooner, Meguru. Why hide such a pretty catch from me?" "But we're here aren't we?" There is no arguing with Meguru. You're wearing his clothes? He's sleeping at your house for afternoon nap? you're cooking for two and he's doing the same? That means you're in a relationship. Simple.

Bachira is the type to take things easy and slow at his own pace. But when he realizes that he can't waste his time away- he is gonna be on the lookout for the next best thing. Poor baby starts holding his hair in despair when he realizes that the two of you are official, but there are still other people out there who are gonna look at you funny. So he does go shopping for rings... dragging Isagi with him. Bachira could be the first one to marry possibly- ꒰ᐢ⸝⸝•༝•⸝⸝ᐢ꒱⸒⸒ but i feel like karma would bite itoshi brothers in the ass first - cause they hate human touch. And rin would be the first one to marry. The shock everyone would have cause of it- ૮₍˶Ó﹏Ò ⑅₎ა (then sae, and then Oliver...) I'm doing alright- listening to Abba cause i find it very stress busting. 80s music are such stress busters and this group is my fav - along with many other 80s songs (listened to a few of kiss's songs in the library earlier- i'm very experimental with my music taste) Uni is draining me honestly- (¬_¬") my prof especially - and everyone is annoyed with this one. Not a fan of the prof, but I'm only focusing on getting a good grade and working well to learn something new everyday. Even my roommates who don't have a class with them have heard enough of their notoriety - smh but anyway, i'm keeping some positivity by day dreaming in class and making my day better with pinterest and fake scenarios - yes. i daydream abt Oliver ૮• - •ა (are we even surprised atp?) and today is just not my day- slightest bit of inconvinience and i'm ready to fly to mars (to begin with- oil fell on my pants and then it got stained with mayo cause someone wasn't looking where they were going T.T - istg)

Oml, tumblr is at it again. istg- but its okay, i get updates on my dash from time to time and i do get the number of on my notifs- and when i check you're not there but then ik its you and i head over to your blog 0^^0

I had a sandwich and a popsicle (I got a "ice cream in the morning? Really?" Yes. it makes my mood better o.o and i want it) I hope you're doing okay and not overworking yourself - ♡︎

*sending back koala hugs and Oliver spam*

[marvels-writings]

World Turned Upside Down

Prequel: Used To

Sequel: My Forever

Natasha Romanoff (Black Widow) Masterlist

Yelena Belova Masterlist

Requested by @stephanieromanoff and (Kind of) @venablemayfairgoode: Hi!! I absolutely LOVED ‘Used To’, and I definitely felt the reader’s pain. Could you write a part 2? Like, maybe while going away from everything, reader finds Yelena and they start a relationship?

Word Count: 7.4k (long but a masterpiece of angst and fluff)

A/N: Two whole weeks of effort, literally, so worth it. I hope you feel the same after reading it. 

Edit: The post seems to have deleted itself so I’m reposting it

Golden light filtered through the windows, illuminating the quiet of your apartment; the light fell on your eyes. You opened them slowly and looked around the room. The windows showed the rest of the world slowly waking up, the cars whirring by as other people's lives took their normal turn.

Breathing in slowly, you turned around slowly. The sheets shuffled underneath you, tangling your legs further into them. Turning to face the blonde in front of you, a small smile graced your lips. Fingertips grazed over her cheek as you moved the hair away from her face.

Shuffling closer to your sleeping girlfriend, your smile broadened as you noticed she was still sleeping. It wasn’t frequent that you woke up before Yelena, but you loved every second of it. Your fingers ran across her relaxed features before settling around her cheek.

Your fingertips trailed down her cheekbone onto her shoulder, till your hand was ghosting across her chest. Her heartbeat sounded just underneath your fingers, bringing a sense of comfort to you. Toying with a strand of hair on her neck, her eyes began to flutter open slowly.

Taking in a breath, her eyes opened to see you watching her. Your eyes held open affection, a gaze she found herself seeking comfort in. Hazel eyes scanned your features, she shifted to see you better. Legs tangled with yours over the sheets, the touch bringing you back to her.

“Morning,” Yelena whispered, her voice raspy from waking up. You hummed in response, fingers gently toying with her hair as a comfortable silence blanketed it you.

Soft breaths resounding in your ears as thoughts continued to run through your mind. Thoughts of a certain redhead. She had called you, more than once, more than you had expected. Even after five years, you found it hard not to pick up.

The voicemails remained on your phone. Her voice asking you to come back, telling you that it had been long enough. You could barely stop thinking about it.

Yelena saw that something was bothering you, but she never asked. She knew you would tell her once you thought it over. Her trust made you comfortable enough to think about going back. But the thought of seeing her again made you stop.

“Breakfast?” Yelena asked, a small smile as your fingertips ran across her skin. Taking your fingers away from her hair, you gave her a small nod. Mirroring her smile, you moved to get off the bed.

Untangling your legs from the sheets, you smoothened out your clothes. Though, it hardly made a difference. The clothes were all Yelena’s, not that she minded. Everything she wore was yours, even the oversized sweatpants.

Moving your hair away from your face, you followed the blonde into the kitchen. You knew she didn’t eat much for breakfast, but she insisted on trying to make you something anyway. Taking a seat on the kitchen island, you fidgeted with your hands as your girlfriend started on breakfast.

Bread in the toaster, two cups of coffee brewing, eggs cooking on the stove. Yelena put the eggs on a plate and sighed as she turned around. You were still staring at your hands, refusing to disturb the silence surrounding both of you.

“Something on your mind?” Yelena asked softly, setting your plate in front of you along with your coffee.

You didn’t seem to hear her, snapping out of your daze as you looked up to face her. A smile formed on your face before you noticed she had asked you something.

“Sorry?” You asked, tilting your head to the side.

Yelena chuckled, picking up her toast and setting it down next to her coffee. Taking a seat in front of you, she set one hand down in the middle of the table. Her foot bumped yours gently as she sat down.

“I asked what was going on in this beautiful head of yours.” She asked, her hand gesturing to your head.

You smiled at the compliment, the expression disappearing as you looked down at your food. Your fork prodded the eggs, playing with them. Another silence settled around the room as she waited for you to speak. You set down your fork and let out a sigh, gaining the courage to finally tell her.

“She called me.” You stated, your voice strained and tight as the words left your lips.

The blonde frowned for a moment until she understood who you were referring to. To you, her name would never be mentioned, when you talked about it, it was always ‘she’ and ‘her’. Her hand gently came onto yours, thumb running across your knuckles to show she was listening.

“She wants me to come back,” You continued, breath shaky as you spoke. “she says it’s been long enough.”

Yelena nodded at your words, letting them sink in. A squeeze to your hand brought your eyes up to hers. You looked uncertain of what you wanted to do next. The blonde tilted her head to the side as she resumed running her thumb over the skin of your hand.

“Do you want to go back?” She asked gently.

Her question was what you’d been asking yourself since the first time she called you. Were you ready to see her again? Should you let your absence remain for longer? A part of you wanted to go back to where you used to call home. 

But this was home, this huge apartment you’d bought with Yelena.

“I’m not sure,” You admitted, sighing. “do you want to go there?”

The blonde considered it, licking her lips slowly. She seemed to weigh her words carefully, to tell you what she wanted, and if she wanted to see her sister again.

“I would like to see Natalia again,” Yelena confessed, watching your expression falter. “, but only if you’re okay with it.”

“You know I won’t keep you from your family.” You found yourself answering before you could process her words.

Natalia, you’d never called her by her true name, scared it was too close to her. it was the first time you’d heard her name in years. The last time being when you told Yelena about what happened between her and you.

“Then why should she keep you from yours?” Yelena asked, breaking you out of your thoughts.

You nodded, considering her words. A light chuckle left you as you recalled the last words you’d said to her. 

‘If the entire world turns upside down’. It was so distant now, the realization, the arguing, the day you left.

“I did tell her I’d come back if the world turned upside down.” You recalled, nostalgia in your words as you turned to look out the window. Breathing in slowly, you took a moment to analyze how different your life was now.

It’s been almost four years you’ve been together, each day you spent with her you seemed to forget your life without her. Funny, it was a coincidence she showed up in your life just a month after you left Natasha. Going on a trip around Europe was an impulse decision, one of your best ones at that. 

It was what you’d wanted to do with Natasha, but you ended up by yourself. Until you met Yelena at a bar. The memories of how you began seemed to fade the longer you were with her. But everything in between felt like yesterday.

Yelena had been the one to take things slow. It matched you better than you had expected. It was perfect. You needed to take things slow after everything that happened. The blonde didn’t want to rush into anything.

 Sometimes, you thought maybe you were with Yelena only because she reminded you of someone you used to love. It was hardly that, being with Natasha had been something you wanted to do. With Yelena, you were surprised your life hadn’t been this way all along. 

A smile crossed your face as you remembered starting to trust her. It was slow, just starting with trusting her with your nightmares, even your fears if you were sure about it. She never pushed you, never held back a secret if she thought you’d want to know.

“In a way, it did.” You commented, making your decision to return.

Yelena watched you turn back to face her, your eyes meeting hers with certainty. Your decision was made, she could change it if she wanted to. But this could be good for you, maybe it would benefit both of you. After all, there were plans you had that needed a family watching you.

“You’re sure about going back?” She asked, just to make sure. You nodded your head, palm turning upwards to take her hand into yours. Skin brushed together as your fingers ran over her skin.

“Maybe not permanently,” You gave a half shrug. “but they are my family.”

Yelena smiled at you, her other hand slowly coming up to cup yours. Her fingers toyed with yours, letting the rings on your fingers clink together softly. Wedding bands had not come in their place, not yet anyway.

“So are you.” You smiled, lacing your fingers with hers. Her smile broadened at your words, eyes glancing down to where her ring met yours. She promised you forever when you weren’t sure you could find one.

————

Your phone buzzed lightly in your hand on the drive to the compound. After messaging the rest of the team about your surprise arrival, they hadn’t stopped messaging you. The first year was the only year they tried to keep in contact with you before giving up on you.

Wanda was the only one who never gave up on it. Every holiday, every birthday, she’d send you a text and try to call you. There were never any voicemails, but the texts were there, year after year. She didn’t know if you’d read them or not but still kept sending them.

Now, there were more messages than you could count.

The only ones you paid attention to were the ones from Tony. He told you that he could get you your room back. The one you had before you moved in with a certain redhead. No one had touched it.

Scrolling through the notifications, you noticed one text from Natasha thanking you. Nothing more, nothing less.

“Stark can give me my old room back,” You said, tucking your phone in your back pocket and turning towards Yelena. She nodded, looking outside the window as the compound started to come into view.

“The one I had before moving in with her.” You continued, to try to occupy the silence in the car. The taxi driver didn’t seem to care much about who he was driving or where. Though, you supposed he expected a large tip since you mentioned Tony Stark.

“Though I don’t know how long we’ll be staying.” You continued, licking your lips dryly. Your fingers reached to fidget with your engagement ring. Twisting the ring around your finger, you clenched your jaw and turned to look out the window.

The sound of the radio the only sound filling the taxi for a few moments. Fingers laced through yours, squeezing to bring your attention to her. Turning to face her, you gave her a half-hearted smile. Yelena gave you a reassuring grin before squeezing your fingers again.

“We’ll stay as long as you want.” She whispered, bringing your hand up to meet it to her lips softly. You smiled at the comforting feeling.

Chuckling, you remembered how Yelena hadn’t been one to show affection at the starting of your relationship. You had always been one to initiate any sort of physical contact. It was only after she told you how she wanted to make sure you were comfortable did it become commonplace.

“I love you.” You whispered, a smile turning up the corners of your lips. The blonde mirrored your smile as she turned around to face you. Hazel eyes radiated warmth as she squeezed your hand again.

“I love you too,” Yelena said.

With her, it didn’t feel like you were living a lie. You didn’t have to ask her if she meant it. To her, telling you that she loved you was a promise on its own.

Smiling to yourself as she squeezed your fingers the same way as you walked towards the entrance of the compound. You were about an hour earlier than you had promised to arrive. Hardly anyone was at the front.

You began to walk inside, taking in the sight of the compound. The smell of coffee wafted through the air, music probably picked by Stark created the atmosphere as you walked inside. It was like you’d never left.

Wanda sat on the couches, talking to Clint. A fond smile twisted the corners of your lips as you made eye contact with the witch. Her eyes seemed to widen almost three times their size as she caught sight of you. Jumping out of her seat, a large grin crossed her face.

“Y/N!” Wanda exclaimed, running forwards to you.

You stumbled backward with the force of her hug, hand slipping from Yelena’s. Laughing, you hugged her back tightly. Her hands pulled you closer to her, scared you might leave if she let go of you. You smiled as her grip tightened, burrowing your face into her neck.

Her hair still smelt of the almond oil she used, along with the coconut shampoo you’d suggested to her many years ago. Some things never really change.

Clint shouted that you’d returned. You paid little to no heed to his screaming, until you heard rapid footsteps approaching you. Wanda didn’t seem to want to let go of you, despite the rest of your family coming to crowd around her.

Tapping her back lightly, she let you slip from her hold. Turning to face the team, your face grew into a huge grin. Bucky stood in the back, giving you a curt nod before moving to sit on one of the couches. Hugging the rest of the team, tears began to form in your eyes. It had been too long you were away from them.

Five years just felt like a number when you said it. But the weight of it settled on your shoulders as you talked to your family. Five was just a number, it truly had been too long.

Jokes and teasing circled in the room, Steve patted you on the shoulder with a light threat never to do this again. A part of you assumed he was joking, but he seemed too serious for you to laugh it off easily. They dragged you over to the couches.

The grin on your face grew as the compliments flew through the room. The way you looked now was far too different from when you left for them not to notice. You’d left looking as a corpse of who they used to know. Now, you were glowing with laughter and jokes as you talked with them.

Moments you knew you’d treasure flew by until they noticed Yelena standing to the side. She tried not to look awkward, her hands tucked into her jacket pockets as she watched you. You reached out a hand for her. She took it and sat down next to you, squeezing herself between you and Tony.

“Who is she?” Wanda asked, tilting her head to the side curiously. Her arm hooked around yours protectively, she rested her head on your shoulder.

“Yelena?” A voice sounded behind you before you could answer.

The voice was familiar, almost too familiar. Turning around your eyes caught onto the reason you’d been avoiding your family. She wasn’t the same person you’d remembered. Her hair was blonde, she still walked with confidence, but that stride broke once she saw you.

Your jaw clenched subtly, you turned back around to Wanda who looked at you in concern. Giving her a tight nod, you glanced towards Yelena. She looked from you towards her sister, uncertain if she should greet her.

Giving her a nod and a small smile, you squeezed her hand to let her know you’d be alright. Without any words exchanged, she went up to greet her.

“Natalia,” Yelena spoke, a smile slowly growing on her face at the sight of her sister. Both of them grinned at each other before hugging tightly.

Yelena was a bit stiff as she hugged her, Natasha’s unspoken mistake still loomed in the air. She hugged her tightly before letting her go. She talked to her in Russian for a bit, you couldn’t understand any of the words.

The rest of the team stared at them curiously, wondering who she was. It wasn’t until they rejoined you on the couches was it they asked. Yelena returned to your side, her hand sliding into yours by habit.

“Who is she?” Steve asked you, a frown ghosting his face. You could only assume he wanted to be protective of you again. Bucky sat at his side quietly, scared of ruining anything again.

“I’m Yelena Belova,” Yelena answered for herself, winking at you when you glanced towards her.

Another smile twisted the corner of your lips at the gesture as you looked around the rest of the team. Natasha’s features flickered for a moment, into hurt, maybe even fear. You couldn’t tell, she put up her mask again.

“How do you know y/n?” Tony asked, leaning forwards and letting his elbows rest on his knees. He looked at her as if he was judging her. You chuckled and patted Yelena’s thigh comfortingly before speaking.

“Guys stop interrogating her.” You chided, watching Tony chuckle before leaning back into the couch.

You weren’t sure why you were protective of Yelena. They were your family. After all, you doubted they were going to chase her away. Even if they could, you weren’t sure they would want to.

Starting a conversation with them, you joked around for a bit before roping Yelena into the conversation. It flowed easily; she added to the stories you told and the comments you made. The stories you told weaved together flawlessly.

Natasha wasn’t paying any attention to the story, her eyes staring at the engagement ring on your finger. Yelena’s hand was intertwined with yours, denying her view to see the ring she was sure was there. She wanted to say something, maybe congratulate you, lie that she was happy for you.

The words were already dry in her mouth as she stared. She was the first to notice the engagement, but the last to comment on it.

“Y/n/n you’re engaged?!” Wanda exclaimed, noticing the ring when you made a gesture with your left hand.

She took your hand in hers, jaw almost dropping over the size of the ring. Gorgeous was hardly the word to describe it. It was a rose gold solitaire adorned with diamonds on the band. The diamonds looked like they were woven into the band itself.

A grin plastered itself onto your face as the rest of the team started to fawn over your ring. Before any of them could ask who you were engaged to, Yelena put her hand next to yours. A ring was placed on her finger as well.

“We are,” Yelena stated, her grin matching yours as you turned to face her.

Neither of you seemed to notice Natasha sitting frozen on the couches. The ring on Yelena’s finger wasn’t just any ring. It was your mother's ring, the one you’d talked about proposing with. The same ring you swore would bring luck to any wedding.

The ring she had been so sure she would wear someday.

“When?” Natasha croaked, clearing her throat after she spoke. The attention turned to her, the team glaring at her. It was as if her speaking could somehow take you away again. Maybe it could if she wasn’t careful.

“Nat,” Wanda whispered angrily, a red wisp forming on Natasha’s elbow. Natasha winced, glaring at the witch before turning back to face you. The question hung in the air for a few seconds, but you didn’t fill the silence.

“A few months ago,” Yelena answered for you. You gave her a grateful smile before turning towards the rest of the team.

Nervousness showed in your eyes as you glanced around the room. Your fiance squeezed your thigh gently, helping build up your courage for the request she knew you wanted to say. Biting your lip tightly, you took in a breath.

“We um,” You glanced at Yelena who gave you a soft smile you sought comfort in. “we wanted you to come to our wedding.”

A moment of quiet passed over your words before happiness and laughter quickly filled the room. The rings continued to be fawned over as new wedding plans were made. Your wedding plans, even your savings for them hardly seemed to matter as Tony announced he would be paying for it. You knew you couldn’t talk him out of it, despite how you might try to.

The team talked about the kind of wedding you should have, a spring wedding, a grand ball, anything. Plans and ideas flew around the room, the only person never offering any being Natasha. She sat silently on the couch, staring at the ground.

Your eyes glanced towards her before flitting back to Yelena, smiling brightly at your fiance. The same smile you used to wear around her, the one she thought she could never get enough of. The same lovesick grin the rest of the team made fun of you for. It was for someone who wasn’t her.

Natasha got up quietly, offering Yelena a tight smile of congratulations before padding out of the room. Her footsteps hardly made any sound as she made the effort to leave your life the way it is.

The conversation flowed on behind her, your laughter floating through the room. The wedding date wasn’t fixed yet, you weren’t sure when you should have it. Better sooner than later, you never knew how long something might last.

This, your family, you hoped this would last forever.

————

The TV played on in the background as you talked to Wanda about wedding plans. She had long since agreed to become your maid of honor. The witch was adamant about making this wedding perfect, you smiled as you talked to her about the flowers for the wedding.

Yelena was still unsure about who should be her best man/woman. Natasha was her first choice for it, but she wasn’t sure if you were comfortable with it. You’d told her you’d be alright with it, still, she waited in case.

The popcorn seemed to be taking a little longer than it should have. You’d offered to help her with it, but the blonde declined your offer, adamant she could do it on her own. You continued talking to Wanda about your wedding plans, unsure what kind of flowers you should have.

Wanda began saying that roses were a better idea, you weren’t paying much attention as you saw Natasha enter the room. Your eyes flitted over to her, your expression faltering for an instant. Bringing your mask back up, you nodded to Wanda to show you were listening. She didn’t buy it, glancing behind her. Noticing Natasha, she turned back to you, continuing her conversation.

“Hey, y/n…” Natasha trailed off, fidgeting with her fingers as she stood behind the couch. You turned to face her, giving her a tight nod. Wanda stopped talking, turning around to face the assassin.

“Hello.” You greeted, turning back to the movie. Even you weren’t willing to pretend everything was okay with her. The witch glanced between both of you before locking her gaze onto Natasha.

“Can I talk to you?” She asked, her weight shuffling on her feet. She glanced from you to Wanda, the witch glared at her angrily. Ignoring her gaze, she turned back to face you. You weren’t looking at her, your eyes looking at Yelena.

Your fiance gave you a supportive nod, the popcorn still in her hands. The look of concern on her face told you she would be here for you if things went south. You nodded at her, smiling gratefully then turning towards Natasha. 

Your smile dissipated the instant you looked at her, your eyes which were full of adoration only moments ago were empty, too empty.

“Alright.” You nodded.

Natasha smiled at you, hoping you would return it. Your face remained blank, prompting her to lead you to somewhere more private. The assassin sighed softly, hoping you wouldn’t hear her disappointment but wanting you to.

She walked towards her room, the same room you called home before leaving. Looking inside, you saw that not much had changed. It seemed all too familiar. Everything from the decorations, to the way the bed was made, even some of the pictures were your own.

Bile rose to your throat when you looked at a picture of the two of you on your anniversary. A glass of champagne was in your hand, your lips on her cheek, the corner of your mouth quirked into a grin. A grin plastered on Natasha’s face, her arm wrapped around your waist.

You picked up the frame from her bedside, aware of Natasha’s eyes watching your movements. A sigh left your lips as you looked at it.

The moment frozen in time. You let yourself fall back into time, experiencing that night over again. How ecstatic you were about spending 3 years with Natasha, three whole years. The nervousness about the party. The emotions were still frozen in the picture, you wished you could rid yourself of them.

“What do you need to talk about?” You croaked, swallowing as you set down the picture frame. Standing awkwardly on the edge of the bed, you fidgeted with your fingers as Natasha took a seat on the bed.

“Why did you come back?” She asked, her voice betraying no emotion. You swallowed, eyes flitting towards the ground instead.

“You and I both know it’s not just because I asked you to.” She continued, eyes watching you carefully. You sighed and looked up at her, shuffling back slightly. Natasha patted the spot on the bed for you to sit, you stepped forwards, then stopped.

It was the same bed she had broken you in. The same bed you’d sworn to be by each other’s side forever. The broken promises still lingered in the air like smoke. Breathing it in, you clenched your jaw tightly. Shaking your head, you shuffled backward and leaned against the wall.

Why did you come back? 

It wasn’t because she asked you to. You weren’t sure it was because you wanted your family at your wedding. maybe it was to see her again, to prove how much better you were without her.

To show her what she lost.

“Remember what I told you then?” You asked, tilting your head to the side as you looked up at her. The words were a bit hazy in your mind, somewhat like a nightmare you had a long time ago.

“Will I, will I ever see you again?” Natasha asked timidly, hope underlining her tone. She couldn’t stop you from leaving her with her mistakes. All she could do was hope for your return. Upon seeing your expression, that seemed unlikely.

“If the entire world turns upside down, you might.” You said a halfhearted joke as you turned towards the door.

Leaving your things behind, leaving your entire family behind. There wasn’t anything here for you anymore. 

“I don’t think I can forget,” Natasha murmured, the words as clear as day in her mind. The day you’d left, she couldn’t forget it. Your broken smile when walked out of her life haunted her, despite the pictures of your happiness she surrounded herself with.

“I told you that you might see me again if the world turns upside down.” You repeated, voice shaking. You cleared your throat, chuckling lightly as you leaned back against the wall. Your eyes roamed the room, taking in every detail before meeting Natasha’s eyes.

“It kind of did, didn’t it?” You chuckled, tilting your head.

Your life didn’t take the turn you’d expected. The plan was to marry Natasha, hopefully, grow old with her. Maybe get a house by the beach and have twins. That was what the plan had always been. It was still there, the house by the beach, the playground for your kids.

Natasha was the only change.

“I found everything I wanted in someone you consider your family.” You continued, hands moving to rest behind your back.

A smile crossed your face as you thought of Yelena. The way her lips quirked up into a smile, even at your bad jokes, the comfort of how her skin felt against yours, the sound of her voice when she’d just woken up. 

She was all yours, you had the pride of calling her your fiance.

“You found something in someone I considered my brother.” You muttered, your thoughts turning towards Bucky.

Hurt flashed across your features before you masked it quickly, turning to look up at her. The blonde fidgeted at your words, nibbling her lip and looking away from you.

“Bucky and I,” Natasha began, licking her lips. “we aren’t, we aren’t together.”

Your eyebrows raised, you’d thought Bucky was who she’d be running to for comfort after you. It had only made sense that she should leave you for another relationship. But just for sex, that was lower than even you thought she could stoop.

“That’s a surprise.” You mused, turning to look away from her and the bed.

An uncomfortable silence shrouded the room, suffocating you. You didn’t know how to break it. Small talk was the last thing on your mind. Thinking you should leave, you shifted your weight and put one foot forwards before the blonde spoke.

“I’m surprised if you remember my name,” Natasha whispered, almost too quiet for you to hear. A frown etched into her face as tears began to line her eyes.

“What?” You asked, hoping you heard her wrong. Her voice was rarely quiet, only taking a lower stance when she was scared. It hurt a little she was scared, or even upset because of you.

“The way you look at me,” She continued, knowing you heard her. “it’s like you don’t even remember me.”

You hesitated, letting her words take their place. Your mask dropped, eyes looking down at the ground as a sad smile twisted your lips. Of course, she would bring this up, you had never looked at her this way like she never meant anything to you. 

“I used to look at you like you were my world.” You muttered, shaking your head lightly. You wished you were lying. You wished you hadn’t made her your world just to let her take it away from you.

“It’s almost ironic you took it away from me.” You whispered, looking up to face her. The mask you made just for her began to shatter. A tear slipped down your face, sliding across your face until it dropped onto the floor.

“I never meant to,” Natasha whispered, voice shaking as she saw you cry because of her, again. Her hand reached out towards your face, stopping she realized it wasn’t her place. Her words made you snap, your head whipping up to face her.

“It doesn’t matter what you meant to do Na-” You stopped yourself before you could say her name.

You didn’t know why you couldn’t say her name. You’d called her everything from Tasha to Nattie, you didn’t know why it was so hard for you. It was hardly a surprise when you couldn’t even think of her without hurting.

“Say it,” Natasha demanded, head snapping up to yours. Tears grew in her waterline, her voice breaking as she moved forwards. You swallowed thickly, pushing yourself further into the wall.

“Say my name, please.” She begged, looking up at you pleadingly. A tear slipped out of her eye, she retreated as her hands moved to wipe it away hastily.

You took in a shaky breath, wanting nothing more than to leave things the way they were. Closure was a gift you never got. The wounds were still torn open no matter how much you tried to stitch them shut. Saying her name would tear you apart, all over again.

“Does it still hurt you to think about me?” Natasha asked when you stayed silent. Her eyes looked at you imploringly, almost begging you for an answer.

How could it not hurt?

Thinking about her always brought back memories, always the good memories. The best of what you were, never the worst. The memories showed you everything you were, how she brought out the best part of you.

It also showed you what she took away.

“Yes.” You answered, just when Natasha was beginning to think you might stay silent.

Natasha flinched back as if you’d physically hurt her. Her mask was in pieces, she didn’t care about the emotions she was showing. Every attempt she made to try to calm herself, to stop feeling, it never worked.

“Do you have any idea what you did to me?” You asked, incredulous she had even asked you if it still hurt. The blonde didn’t respond, staying silent in fear she might hurt you more.

“You took away everything I gave you, and then more.” You said, breath leaving you in harsh pants. your hand ran through your hair as you began pacing in the room. Natasha’s eyes never left you, even as her vision grew blurry with tears.

“The peace I felt around you, the home you’d made for me,” You shouted, tears slipping down your face. “all of it.”

You wiped your face hastily with your hands, watching them come away wet with tears and mascara. All your pain was out in the open for her to see. The pain was caused by her mistakes. You cowered into yourself, leaning back against the closet.

Trying desperately to slow your breathing, you rested your head on the door. Staring up at the ceiling, you let the lights blind you for a treasured few seconds. Blinking rapidly, you looked back at Natasha. She watched you with emerald eyes you’d let yourself get lost in too many times.

“It still hurts when I think of you.” You whispered, looking her in the eyes.

Natasha’s jaw clenched, blinking to try to stop her tears. She turned around to look at the rest of the room. The pictures of you still decorated the walls the way they used to when you were still here. The decorations you’d bought for the room, even some of your clothes were in her closet.

Never could she let you go.

“I never stopped thinking of you.” She admitted, turning slowly to look back at you. It was still somewhat like a dream, to have you here with her. A dream she was too scared to wake up from to let you go.

“You should.” You said, sighing after. You backed up slightly, wiping away the remaining tears on your face. 

Mascara stained your hands and your sleeves. You didn’t know what Natasha wanted from you, you could only assume she wanted you back in her life, even after you’d been adamant about keeping away.

“I’m not giving you my heart again,” You stated, glancing away from her. “it doesn’t matter what you promise me.”

Some truth remained in your words. Even if she promised you the world, or for her to be better, you wouldn’t give up your world for her again. Your heart was once something you gave away carelessly to her. You didn’t want to repeat your mistake.

“I don’t want that from you,” Natasha said, catching your attention. Your gaze flitted back to her as a confused frown ghosted your features. The frown etched itself onto your face as she let the silence slowly drag on.

“What do you want from me?” You asked, watching her wince back slightly. She straightened her stance as if she was preparing herself for something. Silence dragged on as she prepared herself for pain before finally speaking.

“I want you to forgive me.”

Your mouth opened to yell at her, to scream that what she did was near unforgivable. For her to even think that you could forgive her after everything. You’d told her what she had taken away from you, and she still thought she could be forgiven.

“I’m sorry, y/n,” Natasha stated before you could speak. Her hand lifted in a plead for you to hear her out. 

Your mouth closed but opened again as you considered keeping your silence. The blonde didn’t care for your silence, wanting you to hear the apology she had ran over thousands of times in her head.

“Please, I never meant to hurt you.” She repeated, knowing it wasn’t the apology you wanted to hear.

She swore she could not have prepared more for this moment. For having you in front of her so she could apologize to you. Even practicing in the mirror, over and over again didn’t help her. Seeing you in front of her, breaking all over again because she couldn’t be who you wanted her to.

It wasn’t something she had prepared for.

“Maybe it was unfair for me to fall in love with you in the first place when I knew I wouldn’t be able to keep you. I’m sorry.” She apologized, guiltily shifting her feet under her. Her legs dangled over the edge of the bed, she looked at them thoughtfully.

It wasn’t fair for her to try to be in a relationship when she couldn’t keep one. Maybe with you, she thought it would be different. But even you couldn’t change the mistakes she would make. Even at the start of your relationship, she knew she would hurt you somehow. You assured her that she couldn’t.

In the end, her mistakes would always come to haunt her.

“Falling in love wasn’t your mistake,” You spoke, bringing her attention up to you. “it was unfair of you to try to treasure something you knew you couldn’t keep.”

It was unfair of her, so unfair to lead you on for years, give you everything you knew you wanted. To make plans for the future, you could see yourself spending the rest of your life with her, so clearly. Then to take it all away again, just because she knew she couldn’t keep you.

“I’m sorry,” Natasha repeated, trying to make you stay. You could see her hand reach out for you before stopping herself.

A sigh left your lips as you moved down to kneel in front of her. Your fingertips hovered over hers before moving away. You whispered to try to get her attention, it didn’t work. Your hands slid into hers, squeezing gently.

She opened her eyes in surprise, looking at your hands in hers, the engagement ring adorning your finger. Her hands gripped yours tightly as if you were a lifeline.

Tears began to fall on your hands. You wanted to try to comfort her more, but this was all you could do. It was almost as if you were leaving her all over again, promising to say out of her life.

“Natasha,” You whispered, smiling when she looked up at you. Her eyes were so soft, so vulnerable in this moment.

Your thumbs slid over the skin of her hand, you looked at her carefully. She was still the woman you’d fallen head over heels for. But Natasha couldn’t be the person you spent the rest of your life with.

“Our time is over.” You said softly, wincing when she turned away from you. More tears dropped onto your palms. Her hands held onto yours tightly, you slipped one out of her grip to turn her face towards yours.

“We had our time together,” You continued, smiling at the fond memories of her. “and yeah it was beautiful.”

This is what you’d been missing all of these years.

Letting go.

It wasn’t as easy as moving to the other side of the world. It was looking her in the eye and saying that your time was over. It was letting both of you heal from the mistakes.

“I just wish we could have lasted longer,” Natasha whispered, clinging onto your hands tightly. She’d told you before that you were the best thing that ever happened to her. You were, it was foolish of her to cut your time so short.

“Maybe, but we weren’t beautiful because we lasted.” You said, tugging her attention back up to you.

 A light frown ghosted her face at your words. Your eyes gazed over her features, committing them to memory. The emerald eyes, soft cheekbones, the features you had grown to love.

“It was beautiful because it happened.” You whispered, your thumb tracing over her cheekbone gently.

A smile graced your lips, a tear falling from your eye onto your hands. A sigh left your lips as you moved up, leaning down you closed your eyes. Your lips met her forehead gently, her hands tugged you closer. You smiled, as she let go of you, letting you pull away.

A knock sounded on the door, you turned to face it, knowing it was Yelena.

“Come in.” You said, slowly wiping the tears away from your eyes. Yelena stepped into the room, taking in the scene in front of her. She glanced towards her sister wiping her face on her sleeves, giving her a sympathetic smile before turning towards you.

“Hey,” Yelena greeted, moving to slide her hand into yours. You smiled as her shoulder bumped against yours. “everything alright?”

“Yeah just,” You glanced towards Natasha. The blonde looked up at the two of you, no longer looking hurt. Instead, she looked at you with a gentle smile, finding herself finally letting go of you.

“Just catching up.” You answered, smiling up at Yelena.

She looked from you to Natasha, nodding at her sister. She would want to talk to her later, you were sure of it, but now wasn’t the time. Nodding towards the door, silently asking if you wanted to leave. You nodded letting her walk you out.

“wait.” You said, stopping in your tracks. A confused look showed on her face as your hand slipped out of hers, heading back to Natasha. Your fiance followed you back, leaning against the doorframe.

“I, I want you to come to our wedding.” You stuttered, shifting your weight. Wringing your hands together, you looked to face her. She looked unsure, her eyes glancing from your ring to her sister.

“Are you sure you want me there?” She asked, tilting her head to the side curiously. You nodded, looking back at Yelena. The blonde smiled at you, knowing it was hard for you to do this. You sought comfort in her smile, nodding again at Natasha.

“Lena considers you as her family,” You said, shrugging easily. “it’s only fair.”

Lena, the nickname was so familiar coming from you. Natasha raised an eyebrow, seeing as you didn’t answer her question. You chuckled softly at the action. She could always tell you had a different answer than what you said.

“I want you there,” You stated, watching her features light up into a smile. She nodded, looking from you to your fiance. Yelena looked certain she wanted Natasha to be there. She smiled and nodded.

“I’ll be there,” Natasha said.

You smiled in relief, waving at her as you walked out of the room. Yelena’s arm slid around your waist, her fingers reaching towards the ring you wore. Her fingers twisted them around your finger thoughtfully.

She didn’t know what you’d talked about with Natasha. But you were in a lighter mood, easily walking around the compound, telling more stories. You were more at ease, the closure bringing you in a different state of mind.

Years ago, you wouldn’t have even considered coming back here. The memories near painful for you. Now, the memories seemed like a story you told a long time ago. You thought the story had ended when you left.

But now, you’d finally let go.

In a way, it was a good thing the world turned upside down.

A/N: Please for the sake of my sanity reblog and comment and tell me what you think!!

Tag List: @capcarolsdanver, @versdan, @lesbian-girls-wayhaught, @lovebotlarson, @dhengkt, @hstoria​, @natasha-danvers​, @veryfunnyal, @xxxtwilightaxelxxx , @ophelias-heart  , @never-didbefore​ , @justarandomhumanhere, @the-most-unicorn-of-them-all , @thatssocamryn , @lesbian-x-blackwidow , @marvelbbyx , @wlw-imaginesss​ , @hcartbyheart , @summergeezburr , @imnotasuperhero  , @a-stressedstudent​ , @aaron-despair , @rooskaya-yelena , @dynnealberto , @thewitchandtheassassin , @wannabe-fic-reader , @izalesbean​, @higherfurther-romanova​  , @natalia-quinzel  , @stephanieromanoff , @fayhar​ , @darkangelxoxo-blog   let me know if you’d like to be in any of my tag lists!

[findingjoynweirdstuff]

Dream SMP Recap (July 25/2021) - The Wilburger Ranvan

Wilbur comes up with his new calling: selling burgers in a burger van! At Phil’s suggestion, Wilbur teams up with Ranboo to do so, setting up their new business on the outskirts of Las Nevadas.

A brief summary of the week’s total events can be found at the end of the post.

---

VOD LINKS:

Wilbur Soot

Captain Puffy

BadBoyHalo

---

- Wilbur and Phil hang out in the Arctic. Wilbur has a proposition for Phil

- He says he met up with Quackity and it was a nice time. The one conclusion he came to is that Quackity is very resourceful

Wilbur: “As much as I may disagree with your views on anarchy, I must say, it’s pretty harmless. I -- I can’t hate you for it. I can’t hate you for enjoying literally living in a peaceful little village in the snow, I mean the server’s never been this peaceful since -- since all the countries and nations and cities and everything is gone. So Phil, I came to you with one question, one question...do you think Quackity should be allowed to be left unchecked?”

- Phil says no. The issue is, there’s no government, no police force. What Techno’s done is left a power vacuum and now Quackity’s come in with an unethical establishment, gambling...

- Wilbur wants to make a burger van

- They get interrupted by an Enderman ascending from the basement

- He knows there’s a bit of déjà vu, but the difference is that the burger van isn’t going to sell drugs this time. He wants every steak to have a name

- He’s done with being a source of authority, a president. His calling is just burgers, no ulterior motives

- Phil knows someone who would help out: Ranboo. The richest, most knowledgable man on the server, and he’s run out of things to do on the server

- Wilbur doesn’t want to play with Ranboo, but Phil threatens to kick him out if he doesn’t so he does, annoyed at being treated like a child

- Wilbur gives Ranboo his proposition

Wilbur: “I like to think, you know, let bygones be bygones, let’s bury the hatchet, let’s be -- Ranboo I’m gonna go out on a limb here...do you wanna be friends?”

- His next progression, after being a dead-terrorist-president...is to be a chef. Ranboo is onboard 

- They start walking over. Wilbur asks if Ranboo’s heard of Las Nevadas, and Ranboo mentions their abandoned cookie post that was causing trouble. He wants to create competition for Quackity’s business. Eventually, maybe Quackity will have to make a deal with them, maybe even be their friend

- Ranboo wants to keep it respectful. Wilbur assures him that they already has the land necessary

- Wilbur wants to pick Ranboo’s brain and asks his thoughts on Quackity. Ranboo says he just hasn’t seen him in so long. Their last interaction before everything else happened was just that they were in the same cabinet of New L’manburg

- Wilbur didn’t know that Ranboo was part of L’manburg’s government

- Wilbur asks if he dislikes anyone. Ranboo says not too much, just people that he doesn’t agree with. Everyone is just a product of what they’ve gone through, so if you understand that, you understand the person

- If you align yourself with everyone, isn’t that more complicated? Ranboo says that’s why he’s just been living with Phil and Techno away from everything, trying not to involve himself in much, but he has a terrible radar on what’s involving himself and what isn’t

Wilbur: “What about Dream?”

Ranboo: “Well that’s -- well, with Dream it’s kind of like...all I’ve heard of Dream, all I’ve seen with Dream is just been like the really bad things that he’s done and everything, so I would say that I -- yeah, I don’t really like Dream, but I mean, he’s also not really someone that it matters whether or not I like him ‘cause he’s just away in that prison for a really long time, so I mean...”

Wilbur: “No trial?”

- They reach their competition and go into the fast food restaurant

- He peeks into the casino, but holes it back up. This building doesn’t benefit the consumer

- Wilbur places down some signs insulting Quackity’s burger place, guaranteeing those signs will never leave since they don’t care about the customer

- Wilbur shows Ranboo his area, which he's thinking of naming “Paradise.” Ranboo says it could be a neat play on words...pair-of-dice

- Wilbur and Ranboo decide to make the place red and white, retro-themed. Ranboo gives Wilbur Ranord and Wilbur goes off to gather some red

- Wilbur likes Tubbo since he’s strong-headed and doesn’t let people push him around

- Ranboo says when you can’t change someone’s mind, it’s no use to needlessly argue. Wilbur points out that Ranboo seems to be a bit more dynamic than a purely neutral, peaceful force. He’s somehow appeared in almost every conflict the server’s had since Wilbur died

- Ranboo says it’s because he’s bad at discerning things, but he’s been doing alright with his situation recently. He wants to help people, and sometimes he lets that desire to help people get in the way of what he says about himself

Wilbur: “Ranboo...why did you help to help me?”

- Ranboo needed something to do, and he also thought that Wilbur’s an alright person, so he wants to get off on a better foot because he doesn’t like having people not like him

- Wilbur asks why he doesn’t think Wilbur’s a bad person. Ranboo says he did bad things, but also went through things that made him that way and now he’s changed as a person since he died. He’s optimistic in that

Wilbur: (sniffs) “Good, uh...that’s nice. Thank you. Uh...I think I needed to hear that.”

Wilbur: “Can I be real with you man? ...I think I scare people.”

Ranboo: “I mean...yeah, I do the same thing.”

Wilbur: “No, not in -- no no, I mean I...I don’t think I...I think a lot of people share your idea, but they share your idea in trying to -- trying to keep me from hurting them, you know? Like they’ve seen what I can do and they don’t want me to do it again, so they adopt your emotion in order to do it.”

- He demolished Jack Manifold’s house twice, he completely ignored him in the war, and what it took for Jack to forgive Wilbur was just a sorry. 

Wilbur: “And I know -- I’ve spoken to Tommy about Jack Manifold! And Jack Manifold is not the sort of person to forgive someone like that with a sorry! Imagine if Dream said sorry to Jack Manifold! What’s Dream done to Jack Manifold, huh? Barely anything! I imagine if Dream said sorry to Jack Manifold, Jack Manifold would ignore him. Do you know why? Because DREAM’s in prison, and I’m not!

“Dream is -- he’s had his comeuppance and I’ve not! My comeuppance was apparently not good enough for these people! They’re just waiting! Waiting for the next thing for me to slip up on them -- Ranboo, I’m not gonna fucking slip up, Ranboo, I’m different. I’m not Dream...god, I wish I was! Sometimes I wish, I wish I’d gotten that comeuppance but Ranboo, I’m not Dream. And I’m not gonna be Dream, and that’s...”

“I’m living in eternal Limbo...again. I’ve been through Limbo. I’m out of Limbo. And socially, I’m still in this Limbo, and man, Ranboo, hearing you say those words that you said to me? Do you remember what you said?”

Ranboo: “Y-yeah, I do?”

Wilbur: “You said...(sniffs) I think people can change, that’s number one. And number two, you said you’re scared that people don’t like you.”

- He tells Ranboo that they’re kindred. They have the same neuroticism, their strongest point. But anxiety is not their downfall. Wilbur’s parents are alive because they were anxious and didn’t let anything take them down

- Ranboo says they’re both thinkers. They may think in different ways, but they think at the same level

Wilbur: “I think you might be a bit braver than me in showing your true colors. I feel like with you, Ranboo, I never have to be guessing your next move. I never have to be guessing your hand, you know? I feel like life dealt us the same cards, and the difference is you build your trust by showing people your cards whilst I keep them close to my chest, and I feel like that might be the big difference.”

- He asks Ranboo what he feels about thievery. He’s going to steal Las Nevadas’ cows to make into burgers

- Ranboo makes some concrete and starts building the van. Wilbur rides off on a horse looking for some sheep

- Wilbur asks Ranboo about Tubbo and Ranboo talks a bit about Snowchester. Wilbur thought Techno was successful at getting rid of all the nations, but Ranboo says it’s not a nation. Wilbur doesn’t know about Kinoko Kingdom either

- Wilbur gets to the spider farm, which has Kanye West in it

- He heads back and they discuss names like Paradise or Wilburger

- Wilbur asks Ranboo’s opinion on Tommy and Ranboo thinks he’s great. Tommy’s gone through a lot, but it’s made him a good person. 

Wilbur notes that he seems to think that everyone’s gone through something. Ranboo says yes, the only bad people are those who are evil without a reason why, but there’s not many people like that

- Wilbur names the first burger “Wilburger Vol. 1″ and puts a watermark on it

- Wilbur wants to ask Ranboo one last make-or-break question

- Chat suggests the “Wilburger Ranvan” and they like it

- They go to Quackity’s restaurant and Wilbur wants Ranboo to smash the windows. Ranboo does

- Wilbur goes inside and places TNT. He hands Ranboo the lighter and tells him to detonate it

- Ranboo does so. Wilbur tells Ranboo to go back to the van. He’s passed the test

Wilbur: “Ranboo, I’m proud of you man. You’ve -- you’ve taken a side.”

- Wilbur goes back and places a sign at the crater:

---

***** Wilbur + Ranboo  Did this together

*****

---

“I love that guy.” (laughs) “I love that guy.”

END OF WEEK RECAP:

7/19 - Nothing much happens.

7/20 - Sapnap and George speak with Mexican Dream

7/21 - Foolish creates Philzavilla and breaks into the prison

7/22 - Nothing much happens.

7/23 - Nothing much happens.

7/24 - MCC, no updates

7/25 - Wilbur and Ranboo make a burger van

---

Upcoming Events:

- Captain Puffy’s Lore Stream

- Wilbur’s 11 planned streams

- Egg Finale Stream

- Tales From the SMP: “Space Race”

- Ponk’s prequel stream

- Ponk’s current-day lore with Sam

- Puffy’s Lore Cast

- Sapnap’s lore

- Dream’s lore video

- Quackity’s casino opening

[cjsinkythoughts]

FATWS One Shot #1 - Back to the Beginning

Word Count: 1644

Warnings: Cursing, Mentions of Intoxicated Automobile Accident, Steve Being a Slight Puppy

Setting/Characters: Directly after Captain America: The First Avenger, New York City; Reader, Director Nicholas Fury, Captain Steven Rogers

A/N: Here it is! The first One Shot that goes along with my FATWS Series! Keep in mind; it doesn’t take place during FATWS. There are NO SPOILERS in this and there will be NO SPOILERS in any of the One Shots. I do recommend still reading the Series, though, to understand the Reader more. These are more like…prequels to the Series. And it won’t be a series. It’ll just be a collection of One Shots based on what I think is important and what you guys wanna see. I also WON’T BE DOING A TAGLIST FOR ONE SHOTS! (Only those in my All Works Taglist will be tagged!) I’ll be adding them to my FATWS Series Masterlist under a ‘One Shot’ section, so you’ll be able to find them there, and I’ll also be tagging them with #fatws series oneshots. Feel free to send in requests for what you wanna see. I’ve gotten a few already, so I’ll be writing those tomorrow. I’ll say that they’ll all be shorter like this one, but...knowing me...we’ll see.

(Also, I’m aware of the theories that SHIELD chose the woman because the resemblance to Peggy, but just ignore that for this.)

As always, not beta’d so please excuse mistakes! Be kind to yourselves and each other! Enjoy and stay tuned!

FATWS Masterlist

cjsinkythoughts Masterlist

You knew. You knew the moment his eyes raked over your form. You knew when he looked over his shoulder at the radio playing some baseball game from 1941. You had done your homework, just like you did with every mission you worked. Granted, this one was a little different, but when Fury called you in personally, you couldn’t say no. You told them your uniform was wrong. You told them the game was too close to when he went under. You told them.

So you weren’t surprised in the least when he smashed through the wall, running out of the room. You didn’t necessarily regret pushing the button; you did it because you knew your cover had been blown, not because you were threatened. But you regretted calling out Code 13, not realizing that they’d chase him out into the middle of Times Square of all places.

Before you could head outside, wanting to know what happened, Fury’s name flashed across your vibrating phone.

“Y/L/N.”

“We’re heading back.”

An eyebrow raised, showing your confusion. “That was quick.”

“He’s fine, if you’re insinuating what I think you are.”

“I’m not insinuating anything, sir.” It was a lie, of course. You wouldn’t put it past Fury to slow down the Captain anyway he could, especially if the Man Out of Time was putting up a fight. “Sir, with all due respect, I tried-”

“I know, Agent. When We get back, we’ll set up in Conference Room C. I want you to join us.”

Your eyes narrowed, free hand on your hip. “You only called me in to ease him into this whole new century thing-”

“And he’s not eased.”

“It’s not my fault, Fury. I told your guys that it was wrong-”

“I know, Agent. Introducing him to the new century obviously went less smoothly than we anticipated.”

“Ya think?”

“Conference Room-”

“C. I heard you the first time. I’ll be there. Give me a few minutes.” He hung up without any farewells, making you roll your eyes. The director had pulled you off an assignment - in the middle of it - and promised you could get back to it once you finished helping him with the Star Spangled Man problem; help Captain Rogers integrate into the new times. But it was starting to seem that Fury didn’t just mean when he woke up.

You quickly changed, switching the old fashioned uniform for the tighter SHIELD-assigned one, before heading up to the level with all the conference rooms. You understood doing this in New York instead of the HQ in DC - the captain was from New York and, as much as it changed, some things would be familiar - and you definitely understood not doing this on the Helicarrier since Rogers didn’t even know about smartphones yet. And you definitely weren’t complaining; you had an apartment here in the City that you hadn’t slept in for months now.

Glancing at the room plaques, you paused in front of ‘C’. You took a couple breaths, relaxing yourself just as you did before any mission, before opening the door and stepping in.

Fury and Rogers were sitting at the table on opposite ends, the blonde looking around warily, eyeing the few agents lining the walls. You shot Fury a look, disapproving of the firepower in the room.

“Captain. Director.” You nodded to them in greeting.

Roger’s eyes snapped towards you, recognition lighting up his features. “You-”

“Agent Y/N Y/L/N. Sorry about the act.”

He nodded hesitantly, watching you as you sat down a couple seats from Fury. “I have some other business to attend to, so I’ll make this quick. To help you adjust, it’s been decided to assign an agent to help you for the next few months. Agent Y/L/N, here, will take that position.”

You blinked, turning to Fury, not expecting that. “What?”

Fury ignored you, standing up and setting down a file on the table in front of you when he passed. “The file has what you need to explain to him. Start now.”

“Fury.” You snapped, eyebrows furrowing as you stared at the file. Looking back as the door opened, you scrambled to stand when you realized he was leaving. “Fury! Excuse me.” You pardoned yourself from the captain, chasing after the director without waiting for his reaction. “Nicholas!”

That got his attention, his stride pausing. He spun on his heel, an eyebrow quirked. “Agent-”

“You didn’t mention anything about months helping him. I thought you meant, at most, a week!”

He crossed his arms tightly across his chest. “You’re the first person he saw when he woke up. You’re the best option.”

“First off,” you mimicked his position, popping your hip for good measure. “Even though I was the first person he saw, I deceived him. Why would he trust me? Second, why me? I understand having me for the little show you put on. I get that. But me? Of all people? You know I don’t do personal stuff.”

Fury narrowed his eyes. “You’re on this, and that’s final. He needs to know politics and technology. Settle him into the apartment in the file.”

You gaped as he turned around and started towards the elevators at the end of the hallway. “What about-?!”

“Your mission is being taken care of!” He called over his shoulder. “Politics and technology!”

You huffed, stomping your foot, frustrated, well aware of the fact that you were throwing a mini tantrum. You worked behind the scenes, acting as someone other than yourself. You didn’t help 93 year old super soldiers settle into new houses, teach them about current politics, and explain what cell phones were.

Walking back into the conference room, you found it empty besides Rogers, who was looking through the file, eyebrows knit in confusion. “Sorry about that.” You apologized, moving around the table to plop into the seat next to him.

He gave a half hearted shrug, glancing over at you. “It’s okay. He didn’t tell you the plan. I don’t blame you for being annoyed.”

“Yeah…it’s nothing personal. I’m not annoyed at you, and it’s not because of you. It’s just-”

“You don’t do personal stuff.” At your quirked eyebrow, he tapped his ear. “I could hear you.”

You cleared your throat, feeling slightly embarrassed at being heard. “Oh. Right. Enhanced hearing. Um, so, I guess you’re already starting without me.”

The tips of his ears turned red as you gestured to the file he was scanning. He dropped it, moving it over to you. “Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize.” You shook your head. “It’s your schooling. However you wanna do this, whatever pace you want, we’ll do that. Fury just wants you to know-”

“Politics and technology.” He shot you a small smirk. “I heard that too.”

You chuckled a bit, nodding. “Right. Okay. Let’s see here. Nickie said there was an apartment they got you…”

“Page six.” He informed you as you flipped through the pages.

You hummed, looking at the small apartment, perfect size for one person, right here in Manhattan…in the same building as yours, you noted. “Of course.” You rolled your eyes. You’d basically be his babysitter, and you knew neither of you wanted that.

“What? What’s wrong?”

You sighed, shaking your head. “This is my building.”

He blinked, looking down at the picture of the apartment. “Oh. Well, if you want I can request a change-”

“No, no. It’s fine. I just - I wish Fury told me.”

“Can-can I ask you a personal question?”

You shrugged, thumbing through the rest of the file. They basically wanted you to give him a government lesson starting with the fifties and then go over military technological advancements - a lot of Stark Industries stuff. “You might as well. We’re gonna be spending quite a bit of time together.”

“Why don’t you do personal?” You stopped your reading, tapping a finger on the table as you chewed on your cheek. “Sorry. You don’t hafta share if it’s too personal. I get it. I was never really into sharing my emotions, either.”

Turning your head to him, your lips pursed thoughtfully. His head was ducked, his blonde hair previously parted and styled was falling into his eyes, which were trained on his linked hands in his lap. His forehead was still creased, but it was more contemplative than confused as it was previously. 

“I specialize in undercover operations.” Ignoring the way he whipped his head to you, slight surprise in those blues that you were answering his question, your head dropped back to the files, trying to act nonchalantly. “Before that I grew up in foster homes. My parents died when I was little. Drunk driver. No one survived. I was…two. I think. Maybe three. I learned to keep my head down to stay out of trouble; be the kid whoever had me wanted me to be. Anyways, I’m used to playing other people. I’m not really used to being myself.”

The room was blanketed with a silence that wasn’t uncomfortable. It wasn’t exactly comfortable, either, but it was welcomed as Rogers processed what you had just told him. His voice was quiet, almost shy, when he spoke up. “You can be yourself with me…if you want.”

You looked over at him again, your lips turning up slightly as you met his sincere gaze. “Thanks. You can be yourself with me too, Captain Rogers.”

“Let’s start with you calling me Steve, Agent Y/L/N.”

Your features broke into a bigger grin as you nodded, accepting his terms. “Alright, Steve. I don’t really have a preference. Just don’t call me Agent. I get flashbacks to every conversation with Fury.”

Steve laughed and you couldn’t help but enjoy the way his eyes shut, his nose scrunching up. “Alright.” He agreed with a beam. “I think I can avoid that, honey.”

All Works Taglist:

@happygoreading​

@bibliophilewednesday​

[sixeyesgojo]

Pictures of You

Summary: prequel to I’ll Be Your Enemy - fluffy!

Characters: IBYE!Reader, Gojo, Yuji, Megumi, Nobara

Word count: 2,3k

Content warning: none

A/N: requested by @thecaptainsbride

If anybody got the reference Gojo made when he was late; congratulations, you have been successfully hurt (but this time it was not me).

Since I left the relationship between Gojo and the reader up for interpretation in IBYE, I will do the same here! Consider this piece me trying to mend your hearts <3

Taglist applications open for anyone who is interested!

“A trip to an amusement park or something like that doesn’t sound so bad,” you mused in front of Satoru. “It serves as relaxation and maybe the first-years can get closer to each other, you know, bonding and so on. They will see each other many times from now on, so getting along with each other is important,” you reasoned, your eyes almost sparkling from the thought of a day off.

“But Jujutsu Sorcery is an individual–” he began.

“Satoru, I think you should see this as vacation. A vacation where you can eat sweets until your teeth rot and absolutely nobody will hold you back,” you interrupted him.

“Okay, I am sold. Am listening now.” You just knew how to convince him. Sweets.

So that was exactly how the first-year students and you ended up at a fairground somewhere in Tokyo; it was quite neat, not too small but not too spacious either. None of you could get lost in it. Still, it was buzzing with life and all kinds of people mingled. The colorfulness was a refreshing sight to take in, compared to the dark world of Jujutsu Sorcery where seeing people suffer was your daily routine. The pleasant smell of food wafted through the air, making your mouth water, as you walked past the different booths with them. Waffles sounded like absolute heaven on earth right now.

Jujutsu Sorcery certainly was a draining sport, mentally as well as physically. Therefore it was only right to take a break at times, right? Self-care days were just as important as working.

In order to wind down a bit, you had suggested a one-day trip – just you, Satoru and the three first-year students you had adopted in your mind right away after meeting them several times.

“Sensei, you look very pretty today!” Yuji complimented you. Even Megumi noticed: “Did you have a haircut? Your hair seems a little bit shorter.”

“Yeah, Nobara had a field day with me. Cutting my hair.. or more like trimming the ends, choosing my outfit, doing my make-up and so on just for today,” you gushed as if you were a high school girl again. “Leave it to master stylist Kugisaki Nobara and nobody will ever look bad,” the brunette girl commended herself. Yuji was affectionately patting her on the back.

Undoubtedly, Satoru was late – nobody was surprised about that. You already went ahead and generously treated the trio of students you loved dearly to some food.

“Thank you for the food, sensei!” As usual, Yuji and Nobara were in perfect harmony with each other, seemingly sharing a brain.

“Thank you very much,” Megumi also expressed his thanks sweetly. If you hadn’t known better, you would have thought the way his lips seemed to twitch was unintentional. “Absolutely no problem, kiddos. You guys enjoy it while I try to contact Gojo-sensei, yeah?” you shot them an apologetic smile, already fishing out your phone. The three of them nodded in perfect synchronization. They’re as cute as little ducklings, you thought.

You didn’t even need to bother calling.

You were about to dial Satoru’s number on your smartphone when Yuji’s voice boomed, “Oh! There he is! Gojo-sensei, we are here!!”

The boy waved at his teacher.

Satoru immediately spotted the pink-haired student and skipped over to where you all were standing. “Sorry for the wait! I’m afraid I got lost on the path of life!!”

“Nice of you to finally join us, but sadly, the fun is already over and we decided to go home. Just wanted to call you to let you know! We’ve been here since morning,” you deadpanned as the white-haired man arrived, looking Satoru dead in the eye – if they weren’t covered. “Wait, wha– Hold on, I am very sure I am not that late. MY MOCHI?” Satoru sounded frantic, facing his students who just shrugged their shoulders. “Serves you right,” Megumi stated calmly. Nobara, being the sassy girl she was, also joined in, “Losers don’t get to have fun and that’s a fact.”

It was such a wholesome and funny moment for you to see the students playing along with your prank without being told beforehand.

You broke out in laughter, not being able to contain it any longer, “You should have seen your face, dumbass! I was just joking!”

“Phew, I almost thought I had to kiss the idea of eating sweets today goodbye. What a horror that would be, my day would be OVER this instant,” the blindfolded man pouted, “so where should I buy my sweets? I’m gonna buy the entire place anyway, but where do I start? Any suggestions for Great Teacher Gojo?”

“Hold up, Satoru! We gotta take a picture together to commemorate this special day!” you suggested, bouncing up and down with enthusiasm. “I swear I just saw sensei’s eyes sparkle but I might be wrong,” Yuji remarked, looking at his dark-haired friend for confirmation.

“Sensei, if you want to take a picture, we have to take it at the right angle!” Nobara chimed in, the secret Instagram influencer in her on full display. She continued to explain, “It would come out great if Gojo-sensei took the pic, long arms privilege and so on.”

The female student almost seemed more into it than you were, it was adorable to you to see the usually bold student be this into taking pictures.

You hand the tall man your phone, but not without shooting him a “if you drop my phone, I’ll make you drop dead” look.

“Okay, ladies, now let’s get in formation,” the male teacher commanded loudly. Upon hearing that, Megumi immediately slapped his hand in his face and turned away in embarrassment. Why was this man like this?

“...Ladies?” Yuji asked, the expression on his face screaming ‘confusion’ “Gojo-sensei just referenced a Beyoncé song, Itadori,” the dark-haired boy explained in a hushed tone, turning back slightly as if he did not want to get caught.

“And it’s not just any song!” Satoru happily chimed in. “Yes, yes, the good old Formation,” you added, nodding in satisfaction. You remember how you showed him the album when it dropped.

“Can we all just ignore Gojo-sensei and take our pic?” Nobara inquired as she shoved everybody into their respective spots. “Alright, everybody, smiiiiile for the camera. Say cheese!”

Click, click, click, click.

Finally, Satoru had gotten his share of sweets. Complying with his sweet tooth was always an effective way to calm him for some time. Almost like feeding a baby, in a way.

Now it was time for fun rides!

...or at least that was what you thought… until Satoru dragged you along to ride a freaking pendulum ride with him. The three students had managed to talk themselves out of stepping foot on that monster of a ride but Satoru didn’t even give you a chance to refuse, he simply gripped your arm and walked towards it.

Stopping only when you were already standing in line, you nervously eyed the metallic behemoth with its iron arm. The monstrosity was seemingly ready to make you throw up from the way it would spin you through the air repeatedly, going back and forth and back and forth again. Why did you have to do this?

“Satoru,” you called his name timidly and tugged at his sleeve, the strange feeling not leaving your gut, “do I really, really have to do this?”

“Absolutely! I promise it will be very fun,” Satoru replied with a signature grin you wanted to wipe off of his face at that moment.

No, it was not fun. At all. You were dizzy and your fear of height was kicking. The blasts of air hitting your face left, right and center were not helping at all and you were sure, if anybody took a picture of you right now, you would look horribly green.

“I– can’t do this anymore!” you shouted mid-air, right before the ride swung to the other side. The force knocked the air out of you once again.

“SATORU, PLEASE GET US OUT OF HERE!” you begged and squeezed his arm with an iron grip. The height was too overwhelming. “Mid-ride?” Satoru asked and you nodded frantically. “Now that’s what I call reckless! Sounds like fun. I’m in!” he declared with a grin.

“Domain Expansion: Infinite Void.”

That was the last thing you heard the tall man say before he touched your head with his large palm.

Your eyes widened in horror as you realized this man used his domain this recklessly, for fun. Maybe it was a side effect of being able to use it multiple times a day.

The infinity gently wrapped itself around Satoru and you. Almost movie-like, you watched as the entire, vast universe beautifully unfolded in front of your eyes. Each star being created separately, then abruptly flashing by as a sea of stars – as if you were in a wormhole. You perceived the entire domain within a flash of a moment, yet tasted eternity in it. Everything but nothing at once.

Despite being touched by Satoru himself, the sensations weren’t without merit. If this was how it felt to be in the safe space of Satoru’s touch within his inner world of Limitless, you would rather not fathom how it felt to be the one hit by this powerful domain.

It took you some time to process things and recollect.

“When I said I wanted you to get the two of us out of that thing, I didn’t mean ‘send me to your domain’,” you scolded him.

“Well, it was convenient,” he defended himself and you could almost hear the grin on his face, “Bet you’ll hate me after this though.”

“Hating you was never really an option I’d ever consider but okay, we’ll run with it this time. Now undo your domain, please, while I am asking nicely.”

“Your wish is my command! This time at least.”

“Satoru.” A stern last warning fell from your lips.

“Yes, yes, boss. On it.”

“I thought you said it’ll be fun but I am absolutely not riding that thing ever again,” you took deep breaths to calm down as your feet securely touched the ground again. Your legs were still trembling a bit.

“And it was fun! At least for me! I like seeing you struggle – it’s so funny – and the way you clung to my arm? Adorable! You are so tiny compared to me, like a bug I could crush between my fingers!” The annoying sorcerer laughed merrily.

“Gojo fucking Satoru, the only thing that is about to be crushed here are your balls. With my leg. You are very lucky to have that damn Infinity of yours or else,” you threatened.

“Ouch, you really do know how to hurt an invincible man,” he snickered and flicked your forehead lightly.

Rejoining with the students was easy as they all saw the barrier Satoru’s domain created.

“You are lucky there was some kind of show going on down here. That barrier above would have freaked people out if they weren’t distracted,” Nobara said, looks shooting daggers at her weird teacher. Innocent and as nice as ever, Yuji pitched in as well: “Yeah, Fushiguro also tried to distract children with their wandering eyes! I think he did a good job.”

“Okay but what did he do though?” you asked curiously and looked at the boy in question.

“...Shadow puppets,” Megumi slowly admitted, looking anywhere but at the people in front of him.

“Oh? You love your foster-dad-turned-great-teacher this much to embarrass yourself out in public? That’s new!” Satoru teased the poor boy. “Someone has to be the voice of reason around here or you’d all be in jail. That includes preventing civilians who are able to see curses from seeing you use Jujutsu while floating mid-air,” he justified, ignoring the tall teacher’s mockery completely. 

“As much as I love slandering Gojo-sensei, I’d rather spend my day actually having fun,” Nobara pitched in, reminding everybody of why you were here in the first place.

“So, let’s go ride the ferris wheel!” she added excitedly.

More fun rides.

Before you knew it, the day passed by. You could already feel the heaviness in your legs from walking. The swirling feeling from all the rides boded in your chest – you probably would not be able to sleep well tonight. It was definitely worth it though, you thought.

You had already brought the students back to their dorm – Satoru had ran off to the school because he remembered he had to do something – and were on the way home yourself.

You were in some sort of trance, completely immersed in your phone, so you hadn’t registered when Satoru called your name until he gently tapped your shoulder, falling into step with you.

“Yeah?” you looked up to Satoru, snapping out of your train of thought.

“Just wanted to tell you; ‘Operation: Relaxation Day’ was a great success.”

“I’m glad to hear that, Satoru.” A genuine smile graced your lips and for a moment, he softened at the sight.

“You know what? It was amazing, I really should start listening to you more often,” he confessed with a smirk.

“Well, it’s thanks to your amazing power of persuasion that we got to spend it like this, so thanks for today,” you half-heartedly complimented him.

“You do know I only said we’d not be available today and then dashed, right?” he asked you, the usual playful tone lacing his voice. “Exactly what I meant by saying ‘your amazing power of persuasion’.”

“I think I’ll frame the picture we took,” you murmured softly, fondly looking at the screen of your phone. The picture from earlier was displayed on your homescreen.

Surely, you would hang it on the blank wall in your home as well. It was a personal treasure now.

Taglist (dm me if you wanna be added): @assbuttbaek​ @megumifushi​ @bleueluna​ @gojos-mochi​ @delammi

[nocek]

Don't spare us the long rant! We want to hear your thoughts!

Oh you are going to regret this ;P

So here goes my loooooooong angry rant about Taskmaster and also the Black Widow movie in general.

Let's start with my point of comparison. Captain America the Winter Soldier was a good movie. It's still in my top 3 Marvel movies as I'm sure is for many people. And statistically speaking everybody likes Bucky. He is like the most beloved side character right after Loki. I guess.

Anyway. My point is that Taskmaster and Winter Soldier have bit for bit the exact same building blocks: hypercompetent antagonist that is a serious threat to our hero who just can't win with in one on one combat. But then plot twist: our antagonist was just a victim and puppet without free will in hands of actual villain who is bland bureaucrat.

So why did Winter Soldier worked really really well and Taskmaster was just ehh.. ok?

Well the short answer is that catws was a much tighter movie that had clearer goal (and also that goal/theme was singular: good things get corrupted with time and sometimes you get to start over) compared to black widow which had to jump through too many hoops and still somehow managed it but it wasn't as graceful as it would be if they (as in executives) resigned from one or two hoops and flips and explosions.

And I'm omitting a BIG disadvantage of making a prequel movie about a character that they killed off in shitty way. Though that created one of extra hoops for them to jump through: quickly build up Yelena as a character.

And character build they did. Because srsly Yelena is awesome and I love her. BUT. That came at a price.

Lets compare to catws. The new character there is Sam (and kiiiiiiiinda also Natasha a bit but that's a topic for a different rant) who is nowhere near as well build as Yelena. At the beginning. Because he had time to be fleshed out and naturally grow in few different movies and then we got a deep dive in the Falcon and the Winter Soldier.

But Marvel can't give Yelena few movies because she will appear in Hawkguy an Hawkeye series and also Marvel is generally dividing their assets into: outer spaaaace, down to earth heros and magic stuff (aliens, androids and wizards ;P). But also they can only create so many things in a year.

So yeah. Yelena offtopic can be summarized that I love that we have her as we have her but it came at a cost of air time of the movie.

So comparing the movies again:

Catws had the theme of good things being corrupted with time. And the theme was underlined 3 times through Peggy, Bucky and then Shield/Hydra. Which are interconnected and also make nice scale from inner conflict of the main character to the outer conflict of the movie.

In Black Widow there is the topic of the past evil that never went away and is still taking away free will from people. And again we have it shown through 3 outlets: Yelena, Taskmaster and Black Widows. But there is also whole family subplot attached to Yelena and there is Red Room attached to Black Widows. So as you can see things are getting crowded. Which in turn make the theme a bit blurry.

I mean, sure, the Red Room should be the Shield equivalent. Even it could take smaller space because good Shield turns out to be evil Hydra is generally more time consuming to explain than Red Room bad. But still combining Red Room and Black Widows make things a bit crowded.

(There is a reason why the surprise subplot of there is more Winter Soldiers was in separate movie and was kinda handwaved and cut to minimum. But they couldn't do that here).

But it's time to stop my ranting about whole Black Widow movie and focus on comparing Taskmaster and Winter Soldier.

Because to be honest both are bare bones of character and more of an carte blanche in the movie. Both have barely any screen time yet there are colossal difference which stems out of:

first introduction: as I mentioned they are hypercompetent and unstoppable threat that you can't win with, you can only hope to run away (both done equally well)

programmable killing machine:

For Taskmaster we just get a scene with her watching other heroes fighting at the screen. For the sake of building up the mystery of character we think that "he" is just watching. Maybe learning or more likely just being creepy. The information about the chip and literal programming is given to us much later in the movie which makes this scene lose the power. idk how it will work on rewatch? Maybe better? Hopefully. right now there is too many new movies in cinemas to go for a rewatch and disney+ still isn't available here -.-

For Bucky we have literal torture scene. You just can't be more blunt than that. It also hammered the next point in.

there is human behind the mask:

Winter Soldier is introduced with full face mask which he gradually loses and then we have the big reveal of not only: that's a human but also that's a human our main hero cares about deeply.

With Taskmaster they fucked up it for chap plot twist. We are learning quite late that oh snap that's Antonia (that we don't really care about) and our main hero kinda feels guilty about her.

I think the big difference is what kind of character Steve and Nat are and also the way they reveal this secret. Steve actively recognizes Bucky by himself and is very openly shocked. Nat is passively told and shown that hey, this is Antonia. And there is no time in the movie for Nat (and for us) to be shocked because that's the 3rd act and we need time for explosions and stuff.

Besides, the problem is that all the big plot twist reveals are boring on rewatch (stil big props for Pacific Rim and giving us the monster reveal in like second minute of the movie, I will never not appreciate that).

Also on related shitty note. We the audience. Bucky is handsome and vulnerable and we can drool all over him (and oh man, we the fandom did a fair share of drooling). Antonia is disfigured and not sexualized in any way. Which I'm actually grateful for but there is no pretending that doesn't make a hell lot of difference. But that's a whole different, ugly and big topic I'm not remotely qualified to write about. I'm just angry ranting here.

they don't have free will:

For Winter Soldier we have amnesia + torture tropes which to be honest have been done over and over again and it shouldn't have worked as well as it worked. Bit it did. In context of Black Widow movie it worked because it was just one guy that actively broke through brainwashing with active help of the hero.

In Black Widow there is a lot of characters that are pasively "woken up" out of mind control over and over again by active protagonist. Unfortunately the repetition kinda cheapens it. Especially in comparison to main gut punch right in the feels scene in the other movie. Which is why it's not fair to compare the two.

So lets talk about lack of free will aspect itself. To be honest the mind control aspect in Black Widow was done really great from story perspective. Evil scientists perfected it to the point it being (bit handwavey but) completely impersonal but also completely dehumanizing to the subject. So I'm buying that it can be completely switched off in equally efficient and impersonal way. Even the way they explained it with Alexei the pig was great and terrifying... to a point. Because then kicked the main problem with this movie. Clearly some execs came and saw it and went whoa... that's too dark for pg13 blockbuster. Let's put some cheap jokes here. And it happens over and over again in this movie :S

humanizing flashback scene that ties them to main hero:

For Bucky, sure we had Captain America First Avenger but a movie needs to stand on it's own legs. That's why we have the flashback scene which shows us that Bucky cared about Steve. Leaving it at the narration in Smithsonian of "best friends since childhood" would be just telling us. And we needed to be shown and we needed a space for the "till the end of line" so it could come back and stab us right in the feels.

Also because we are ignoring previous movie Russos cleverly made us care about Winter Soldier because Steve cares about Winter Soldier. And we already know and like Steve so building up our main character gives us more mileage out of new bare bones character (because let's be honest, Winter Soldier is just that). Two birds one stone thing.

In Black Widow there is no such thing which IMHO is the main reason Taskmaster doesn't work. We just get information about cardboard cutout: insert cute little girl here (only told, not even shown actual cardboard) and all of the emotional connection to Natasha is: I know that my boss that I hate has a daughter, she got in the crossfire. Which means nobody cares.

All it would take is adding a short flashback scene. idk Dreykov is an asshole and doesn't care about Antonia but she is she cutest and most adorable little girl. She treats the Black Widows as older sisters. Hell if you want to make it more horrorish copy of the idea of Thor wanting to be a Valkyrie when he grows up or T'challa wanting to be a Dora Milaje. Little Antonia wants to be Black Widow when she grows up because they are badass and they are nice to her (and are also slightly confused by her) because she is nice to them and is only person that treats them as humans. Hell we could have short interaction between her and Nat. Just a smile between them would be enough.

You could get a lot of character buildup mileage out of such a short scene.

But it couldn't happen partially because the movie didn't have time for that but we didn't get that mostly because it would show us instead of telling that Nat killed a cute little innocent girl for her own personal gain. (well she thought she was destroying Red Room but mostly wanted to get away - vide she didn't check on Yelena or other widows. But I wouldn't hold that against her. It was put your oxygen mask first kind of situation. But still it would make her look bad)

Besides, that would take guts to actually show.

And technically they could have afforded to have that guts. That was last movie with Nat anyway. It would actually make this plotline about her feeling guilty about Dreykov's daughter and red in her ledger work. But well... It was last movie so they wanted to leave us with the most goodest and bleeding hartest and heartwarming mary sue version of Nat with just telling us without showing hey, she got dark past.

On the other hand if we had the rumored Endgame plotline of Nat running an orphanage. Damn that would tie to this plotline so well. We could tie the loose widows also. Dam we were robbed here I tell ya >.<

Ok I'm overdoing offtopic about Nat. Sorry

design

So yeah. Design wise Winter Soldier is like great. For Taskmaster, she sure looks cool but also kinda generic? If in 10 years you'd show me her and say it's antagonist from GI Joe or something I'll believe you :S (not touching the debate that in comics something something because unfortunately I don't know Taskmaster from comics. Although I hear that few recent ones were quite good so I'll check them out sooner or later)

snapping out of mind control

I mentioned before. It would be unfair and there is no point comparing main emotional scene of the movie versus means to an end that were repeated several times through a movie.

Natasha freeing Antonia even if she thought that Antonia will kill her because that would fair was great. What I'm annoyed is a cheap fakeout that went with that. It was just after the bombastic finale with explosions and all the cgi shit. Even without looking at the movie runtime it was obvious there will be no extra fight scene.

In catws it worked because the cgi pew pew extravaganza was a background noise and was part of a continuous fight. In BW helicarriers fell already, there was a second of dust settling and then Nat throws away the shield (uses that capsule). Tension just fell from highest place in a movie (quite literally lol), trying to rise it again for such a short moment just doesn't work.

But that's the general problem with Marvel movies. Bombastic CGI fest as grand finale that probably is "outsourced" and then actual director comes back and needs to end movie super quickly.

disappearing act at the end

So in catws there is mystery of what will Bucky do. We are given some hope since he dragged Steve out of river and visited the museum but thats all. I mean there is this annoying Marvel thing of skipping over the interesting ending of last movie and starting with next plot point. We were hoping for the grand roadtrip/hunt for Bucky but nope. We must run ahead with all the plotlines (same way I'm sure that the Spiderman is Peter Parker and he killed a guy thing will be already dealt with in the beginning of the next movie -.-) But that's bonus mini rant.

In BW they needed to wrap up to many plot lines too quickly so Antonia wakes up and that's all. We don't get a suggestion what she may do. The problem of the chip she still has installed is omitted. There is nothing. She just fucks off to lalaland with other Black Widows the end. Because we needed ending for Nat's actual family which was ok but also kinda rushed.

As I mentioned waaaay before (god, this rant is pretty long) too many hoops to jump through.

Which really sucks because if they added that one flashback scene just for Antonia and spared few more minutes for the overall ending it would work so much more better.

And I even know where they could have saved few minutes (besides the explosions thingies). The supply guy. One extra character in a movie with too many characters. In catws the supply problem (with wings) was solved with nbd shrug. If you wanted to show that Nat has her own web of contacts it should be more than one guy. IDK in Budapest there could be 10 second scene with neighbor saying hi nice to see you again we reinforced the walls after last time. In Norway we could see her visiting some special secret supply stash run by some rando before getting to the mobile home.

But oh she was on the run so that would be too many people. Then cut the people entirely. The shitty helicopter can be worked around with joke that I'm not on speaking terms with Stark rn and that's the best we can have on short notice.

Eh.. side rant again. Sorry.

So to wrap it up. I actually really would love to see what will happen with the loose Black Widows and Antonia because here they were really underdeveloped. And while widows were more of a group hero and we have Yelena as a representative so in a way it balances out but Taskmaster needed so little extra care to make her character so much better and I'm a tiiiiiiny bit salty about it.

[ladyeliot]

It will always be you

Prequel: Stay with me

Pairing: Tony Stark x Avenger Female Reader

Summary: The snap has happened, the return of Wakanda has not been as you all expected, but now you have to face reality, and you just can't stop thinking about him, about Tony.

Warnings: Angst, Fluff.

Word count: 4101

A/N: Post Infinity War. Some of the dialogue is taken from the film. Sorry for my spelling and grammatical mistakes, English is not my native language, I am learning.

Reader Powers: Psionic. You use psionic force to track any sentient being. You also create psychic shields to protect yourself. You can project psychic force bolts which have no physical effects but which can affect a victim's mind, causing them pain.

Life is a continuous struggle of choices that you have to make without stopping to think for a second. It is said that hope is the last thing to be lost, probably because the choice you made almost left you without it. You must also learn that happiness is the last thing to be found, probably because the choice you have made has made you unhappier than you will ever be. Your life has been full of choices, you might have regretted many of them, but you decided at the time to make them, so you never allowed yourself to regret your actions, until that day.

Three weeks after Thanos snapped, hope was completely lost. The new facility has been uncharacteristically silent, no one has been able to say more than two words in a row, and you had barely managed to say one since your return from Wakanda. Steve Rogers, Natasha Romanoff, James Rhodes, Bruce Banner and you, those were the surviving Avengers, the ones that life had given you a second chance, but it didn't really feel like one.

You were in your old room, old because two years ago one of your decisions had taken you away from that place, yes, you were against the Sokovia Accords, that had led you to take the side of the Captain and to fight against the side of Iron Man, who had been the person who had saved you from the madness that your powers had generated in your mind. But even if you had turned against him, you knew you owed him everything. Evidently this was something he didn't understand, which led to a wide rift that had never been bridged on either side, and which led to a breakdown in your relationship of closeness.

Every corner of that room had been kept exactly as you had left it that night when you fled with Wanda. Your drawings together with the charcoals scattered on the desk, the book 'In Search of Lost Time' by Marcel Proust on the bedside table and that bracelet that Tony had given you for your 26th birthday that you had left next to the open jewellery box on the bed. It was really painful to see all of this, knowing that those facilities would probably never be what they once were, that Wanda would not suddenly appear at your door, that you would never sit around the dinner table and that Tony would not occupy the armchair next to your bed to try to cheer you up after a mission that hadn't gone so well. You didn't know whether frustration was taking over the fear and sadness or whether you just didn't know how to control your feelings on that occasion.

The days were long, each of you working in silence trying to make sense of what had happened, looking for a solution that would never come to the problem. You shared the hours, but the solitude that enveloped you was too austere to realise that there was a person by your side. You didn't know Thanos' location, however, even if you did, especially if you did, it had become clear that you could not stand alone against his entire army.

"Would you like some?" asked Natasha offering you a plate with a veggie sandwich on it, which you took with an almost soundless 'thank you'.

Yes, actually that had been your first word in five days, since you said goodnight to Bruce last Sunday, food and sleep were not high on your priorities, especially when you spent the night using your telepathic detection trying to find some sign of life that would make you believe Tony was alive, but it was useless. Your psionic senses allowed you to track any sentient being, you were able to scan large areas, but your ability did not address the entire universe.

That night your spirits seemed to be running low to the ground, three weeks without having achieved anything that would allow you to have any lucidity in your plans was too long as the situation stood. You could hear in the background a soft murmur coming from a conversation between Natasha and Steve, but you weren't really paying attention to it, it was all in your thoughts. But at that instant, an inner burst made them evaporate. A signal came into your brain, a psionic emanation that alerted you to the presence of a spaceship entering the stratosphere, with a fixed direction, yours. You rose from your chair, standing upright, capturing the attention of the people around you. You closed your eyes, heightening all your senses, taking in all the information that was coming to you, at that moment you felt it. You opened your eyes and looked at them.

"He's here," were the only words you could utter before you rushed outside. Your companions soon followed your path, asking questions to explain what was happening, but your inner euphoria prevented you from saying a single word.

That ship appeared above you as you raced across the garden, night was falling relentlessly and you could only glimpse a halo of light that seemed to direct the ship as it landed delicately on the wide grassy esplanade. The five of you paused, taking in the scene, discovering how a side door opened to project a flight of stairs. When you saw his face for the first time your lungs deflated, letting out all the air they had accumulated over a long period of time. Your body went rigid and you didn't react until Steve ran past you and approached the ship to help him down.

He looked terrible, it was evident in every facial feature and in his body movements, you knew what you had been through, but you had no idea what Tony had been through since his disappearance in New York, although you could get a pretty good idea. Before your eyes were Steve and Tony in custody, reunited again, after all that had happened, none of it mattered, at least not to you, and perhaps you had a vain hope that it didn't matter to anyone else either. Even so you didn't know how to act when your eyes connected with his, for a slight moment you wanted to approach him, offer him a hug and tell him that you were relieved to discover that he was there, with you, after all, but you chose to stay where you were, next to Natasha.

It wasn't until you headed inside that the stiffness disappeared from your body. A whispered 'are you okay' from Steve made you react again and pay attention to Natasha's words that were projecting all the information gathered during those days.

"The governments are destroyed," she reported as she projected images showing the missing, like Wilson, Maximoff and Parker, among others, "the working parts are trying to do a census, and it looks like he did it. He did what he said he would do. Thanos wiped out 50% of all living things."

Silence echoed around you, you were sitting in an armchair, somewhat away from the other members, playing with your fingers, trying not to look up, until he spoke.

"Where is he now?" asked Tony. "Where?"

"We don't know," Steve informed him from beside you, sitting at a table. "He opened a portal and went through it. We looked for Thanos for three weeks, with deep space scanners," Steve looked at you, "and satellites, and we found nothing." He looked at Tony. "Tony, you fought him."

"What are you talking about?" asked Tony from his wheelchair. "I didn't fight him. No, he wiped my face with a planet while the wizard gave away the store. That's what happened, there's no fight..."

You took a breath and sighed, because you could contemplate what was about to happen right now, the nerves were there along with the negativity and failure of some of the superheroes on that planet and others, and you knew it could explode at any moment.

"Tony, I'm going to need you to focus..." Steve repeated again hoping that Tony would offer him some clue as to the whereabouts of Thanos.

"I needed you," interrupted Tony in a raised tone. "as in past tense.  That trumps what you need. It's too late, buddy. Sorry." He used a second of his silence to look at Steve and another second to look at you, who stood beside him. You took in most of the feelings hidden in his gaze, and none of them were positive or forgiving. "You know what I need? I need a shave," he tried to get out of the wheelchair, taking everything on the table in his stride. "I don't believe I ever remember telling you this..." he ripped out the IV that connected the drip to his left arm. "To the living and the dead, What we needed was a suit of armor around the world! Remember that? Whether it impacted our precious freedoms or not," he looked back at you and Steve repeatedly. "That's what we needed!”

The discussion continued, avoiding an upset Tony explaining everything he thought about the current and past situation, ignoring the suggestions Rhodes was giving him to calm down and take his seat again.

"[...] Bunch of tired old wheels!" he pointed at Steve. "I got nothin' for you, Cap! I've got no coordinates, no clues, no strategies, no options! Zero, zip, nada. No trust - liar."

Almost ipso facto he turned to you ripped off the reactor prostrate on his chest and handed it to Steve in his hand, leaving those present virtually speechless, if you still had any left.

"Here, take this. You'll find him, if you put that on. You hide-"

After those words you gazed again into his eyes full of resentment at the past, before his body could take it no more and he collapsed in the middle of the room.

In the hours that followed, you were the shadow of a ghost gazing at him from a distance from the door frame of one of the recovery rooms in the new complex. On the one hand fearing his reaction against you when he woke up, while on the other hand wanting to hear it because you knew that sooner or later it would come but you wanted it to come as soon as possible so that you could face it. Those words she had said to Steve were harsh, but they were really nothing to what you expected might happen. It seemed absurd at the time to have entertained the idea that it might have been forgotten.

"Bruce gave him a sedative," Rhodes said, looking up at you, who were leaning against the doorframe. "He'll be unconscious for the rest of the day. Do you want to sit down?"

"No...I'd better..." but Rhodes didn't allow you to finish your words, as he had risen from the armchair next to Tony and offered it to you. "Thank you."

The door to the room ajar to offer you some more privacy. As you turned your gaze towards him you realised the fragility his body conveyed in those moments, he had spent weeks wandering through space not knowing if he was going to get the chance to return home again and yet he had been able to stay alive and find himself there. You closed your eyes and settled back on the couch, you remembered the first time you did that with Tony, he had spent too much time without sleep after the events after the Chitauri invasion, he could barely sleep because of the nightmares and he begged you to stop them every night, so with your eyes closed you concentrated and invaded his mind with caution releasing the tension you found in it and giving him the peace he needed. When you opened your eyes again, her expression seemed to have changed, she seemed to have found some relief inside her, that fact made you smile. But a knock on the door woke you up.

"We need to talk," Steve's words sounded serious.

A new piece of information about Thanos' whereabouts came as a surprise, but for you the surprise came right after.

"Wait, is this some kind of punishment or something?" you said completely dumbfounded, just outside the room where Tony was, with what Steve was proposing. "Why me?"

"Because we need someone to stay with Tony," he said calmly crossing his arms.

"Is it because I'm the smallest of the whole team? Because I could really knock you all out right now with the blink of an eye," you said crossing your arms too.

"It's because Tony needs you," Steve lowered his tone, "and you need him."

There was nothing but truth in those words. You didn't know if Tony really needed you, but what you had assumed was that you'd needed him for a long time, and you'd put a lot of things before that need, creating your close relationship to go to shit, basically.

"I wouldn't forgive myself if something happened to you on this mission," Steve said frankly. "And he wouldn't forgive me either if I said that happened."

You lowered your face as you nodded, accepting his words and the job you had been given.

"Be very careful," you said before Steve disappeared from in front of you to take a path that you had no idea what could be in store for them.

From that moment on, the hours went by really slowly, you took your position in that armchair again, you needed to have a clear mind, you couldn't continue martyring yourself with all the events that had happened, so you started reading 'In Search of Lost Time', that book that had been forgotten on the bedside table since you left that place. News was nil, you barely got a sign of what might be happening and you knew it would probably be days before you got it. 

Night was falling on the compound again, Tony was barely making any sign of waking up, which also gave you time to consider how the situation would play out, and various possibilities for coping with it. Some of his belongings had been salvaged from the ship, and his helmet, or rather what was left of it, stared at you from the dresser in the room. Without having a reason in mind you approached him, causing a blue light to suddenly flash across his eyes, showing you his figure in the middle of the room.

"Is it on?" a figure of a seated, completely haggard Tony appeared before your eyes. "Hey, Ms. Y/L/N, Y/N," your brow furrowed, but you approached his reflection. "If you find this footage don't put it on social media, it'll be really tearful," his words brought a sad smile to your face. "I don't know if you'll watch these videos. I don't even know if you're still... Oh god, I hope so..." there was a silence from his words, but you could see him bring his hands to his face, something inside you cracked. "I guess it's easier to do this if you know the chances of seeing you again are practically nil," something inside you made your heart shrink. "I probably should have realised this a lot sooner," he fell silent, "yeah, but I was busy trying not to hate you too much, you know, when you decided to abandon me and choose the other side," exhaustion almost prevented him from keeping his eyes open. "Anyway, anyway that made me realise how important you had been to me," he let his gaze wander, "I tried to be there for you ever since I met you and... god, this is getting too depressing," he ran his hand over his face. "I just want you to know that I wish you were here, because you're the only person I'd like to share my last hours with," he nodded slightly, you knew what he was trying to say with those words, which made your eyes water. "Don't feel bad about this, I mean, if you stay prostrate for a couple of weeks... and then move on with immense guilt..." he hid his face in the palm of his hand and closed his eyes, you wiped away a tear that ran down your cheek keeping the bitter smile you had been wearing all along. "I want you to know... when I've fallen asleep, it will be like the nights we spent together. I'm fine. All right," he gestured towards you. "I'll dream of you. Because it will always be you."

Suddenly, as if nothing had happened, his image disappeared in front of your eyes, leaving you with hundreds of feelings invading your body and mind. You looked up and there he was, still there, sleeping pleasantly, barely knowing what had just happened. You hurriedly wiped away the last tear running down your cheek and sat back down, putting your feet up on the couch, unable to take your eyes off him. Perhaps those thoughts were drawn from his most desperate moments, believing that his life was about to come to an end, perhaps he was unwilling to show them to you now that he had resumed the course of his life, so even though it was not possible you tried to send them to a hidden place in your mind.

You had hardly slept in those three weeks, your mind hadn't rested for days and you didn't know why, but finding yourself curled up in that armchair next to Tony was giving you back the tranquillity your body hadn't known for too long. It was impossible to stop your eyelids from closing, on the contrary you were willing them to do so and for sleep to warmly invade your body, no matter how long you could stay asleep. That's how it happened, making the hours pass without you even noticing. 

Like a little gust of wind, something in your body made the light enter through your eyelashes. Slowly you opened your eyes, feeling in various parts of your body a tightness due to the position in which you had fallen asleep in that armchair. You discovered that a woollen blanket covered your limbs, but what kept you alert was the bed next to you was completely empty. Tony wasn't there. You jumped up, looking around, the bedroom door was ajar and Iron Man's helmet was missing.

"Tony?" you asked, raising your voice, stepping out into the hallway. "Tony! Where are you?"

You barely heard an answer, so you were thankful those powers were within you, you stopped in the middle of the corridor and closed your eyes, your receptors picked up a signal coming from downstairs, it was him. You found him leaning on the kitchen counter, his eyes closed as he tried to stand. You ran to him, grabbing his arm to hold him up.

"What do you think you're doing?" you said, leading him to the nearest armchair in the living room.

You discovered that he had shaved, taken a shower and was wearing one of his Tom Ford suits that were so recognisable to you. That meant he had been wandering around the house unsupervised for over an hour without waking you up. You knelt down next to him.

"Why didn't you wake me up?" you asked with a worried look on your face as you contemplated that he was extremely tired. "Bruce gave a set of instructions for you to follow, you can't just walk around..."

"It was your turn?" he cut you off with an angry tone. "Be my babysitter? How did you do it? Did you draw lots?" his countenance was serious, you could still see the puffiness in his eyes and his face fully dehydrated. "Whoever draws the shortest stick gets to look after poor Stark, all right, listen..."

"No! You listen to me," you cut him off, raising your tone above his, standing up and resting your hands on each armrest "Tony, we all lost. We all fought and lost, none of us made it," your face was three feet above his. "So now all we can do is try, in some completely illogical way, to move the situation forward. And if we can't, at least look to the future by doing our best to honour those we have lost."

Silence flooded over you.

"So please don't make the situation more complicated," you continued, lowering your tone, almost begging him. "If I've stayed with you it's because Steve has made me understand some things, because yes, it wasn't really my intention to stay with you from the start, but then I realised that if anyone had to stay with you it was me. I realised that if I had to risk my life again I didn't want to go on the mission, because that would mean never seeing you again.And I've also realised that I've needed you for a long time, that I'm finally by your side and I have no intention of separating from you. Whether you like it or not." Tony cut his gaze with yours by ducking it, but brought his right hand over yours.

That gesture provoked you to bring your other hand to his face, placing a gentle caress on his cheek.

"I know there are a lot of things we need to talk about, but one thing we do have is time," you explained as Tony intertwined his fingers with yours. "So please, don't do anything more stupid and don't disappear," maybe it was the atmosphere generated by the situation, but you risked saying the next words. "Because it will always be you."

Tony closed his eyes a little regretfully, a little embarrassedly, and brought his free hand to his face.

"I knew you saw that," he added calmly removing his hand from his face. "Well, at least I've saved myself from having to repeat it in person."

"I'm not sure I got it right," you said falsely. "You know, there was a lot of interference, and besides, I couldn't really understand what you were saying, so..."

"Sorry, there was only one pass for the film," he said wryly which caused you to smile widely as you rediscovered that the old Tony was still hidden in it. "We won't know when there will be a revival."

"Too bad, I really liked that movie," you sat down on the armrest without letting go of his hand and looking up at him.

"Really?" he asked for the first time modestly, and putting aside all the irony that surrounded the situation.

"Totally," you nodded, trying to express all the many feelings through your eyes.

Silence again kept you company, until Tony somewhat uncomfortably broke it.

"I suppose you know that by now I would have kissed you and created a fully effective plan to make love to you for hours until you begged me to stop in pleasure," he stated lamely, "although I think if you give me a couple of hours..."

"All right, Don Juan," you cut him off with a chuckle, "we'd better leave all that for later, and I'll take you back to bed now."

"I think it's a good start if you take me to bed," he continued with his insinuations.

You got up from the armrest and helped him put his arm around your shoulders, even though he repeatedly told you he could walk unaided. 

"Have we heard from the team?" he asked, slowly climbing the steps of the ladder.

"Soon," you said with a halo of hope. 

You definitely made it back to the room, having made it successfully through the journey. You helped him get rid of the shoes and shirt that his pride had forced him to wear, but which now made no sense when he was going back to bed.

"See, you're finally going to get what you wanted, I'm undressing you," you said jokingly causing a smile to appear on Tony's face as he lay back down. "You rest, I'll be here. I'll always be here."

Taglist Open (DM)

MAIN MASTERLIST

[msgrumpygills]

I'm sorry, didn't Jensen say Chaos Machine was working on something SPN related with SPN alum in their virtual pannel? It's not like JP was completely blindsided. He said he was doing it months ago, just didn't give details. Also, isn't JP working on Walker? Didn't he say he wanted to work close to home? Didn't he say that overworking himself lead to his breakdown? Doesn't he already have like 4 other side projects going on? Like, why would Jensen involve him if JP was already busy enough? Doesn't he have a family to worry about? J and D are working together on this so it makes sense that wherever the might have to go for it, the kids will be with them, but Gen would most likely not be involved, so why bother? Is he itching to get away from his family that bad?

And you are absolutely right. It's a little (a lot) hypocritical for JP to hijack the spnfamily and turn it in to the walkerfamily, use spn easter eggs and actors to promote his show and get views, claim that his show will last longer than the show that gave him a majority of his fame, then get butthurt when Jensen ( who was equally involved in said show) makes his own spn project. Do the people who are pissed honestly think JP consulted Jensen about all the SPN junk he used? Also,it's a prequel about John and Mary. Dean and Sam weren't even born yet. "Sam Winchester won't be involved whatsoever" yeah no sh*t sherlock. He didn't exist yet. Jensen said he wasn't going to talk about it (again in the virtual panel) until he got the ball rolling. The other cast members made jokes about being on the show because they knew their characters weren't even involved in the story at that point. No one was except, John and Mary.

Like, the two of them worked together for 16 years, they are allowed to do their own thing without involving the other.

And as for the people saying " Well I guess Soldier Boy isn't going to be such a big role after all if Jensen already has another project lined up"... uh yeah..no shit. For a group of people who were complaining about h*llers joining The Boys fandom for Jensen, y'all sure act like you don't know how that show works either. I've read the comics so I knew SB wasn't gonna last long ( it could change idk) but like, no one is safe on that show except for The Boys themselves and select members of the Seven. Literally everyone dies. Have they even watched the show? The killed a main supe a few episodes in. Did they join the fandom for Jensen? Were they projecting? The character they made a big deal about last season got torn to shreds in the season finale. Like, c'mon pay attention. The supes are the bad guys.

And how does JP know Jensen wasn't going to involve him later? He doesn't. Instead he created public dramathis fandom is absolutely ridiculous sometimes, I swear.

You win the award for best ask today because you have brought ALL the points!

I doubt Jared asked Jensen's permission or anything like that before using SPN for his show, using the "family" thing for his new projects, or using his face for views and interest for his own personal gain. I can see him being upset if it was about Sam and Dean because of course he'd need to be involved, but a prequel before the boys' time? Why would Sam or Dean be involved?

We don't know if Jensen tried to tell Jared behind the scenes, but knowing what we know about Jensen, I don't think he did this as a dick move. He probably figured he wouldn't need to warn Jared considering SAM AND DEAN AREN'T EVEN INVOLVED. Also, HE ALREADY TALKED ABOUT IT WITH JARED. So him acting like this is some big surprise is shitty and manipulative. Can't let the CW golden child be outshined, now can we?

Maybe he's just worried that this show (if it even gets picked up, I think it's just in the works right now, no?) will do better than Walker and will further prove that Jared can't seem to hold his own. You can't sit there and distance yourself from the show to try and make yourself a big star (except when it comes to using it for your own personal gain) and then get pissed off when someone else takes the opportunity you didn't want.

Jared could have done something with SPN, a prequel, a sequel, whatever. He chose to take the job that was handed to him on a silver platter instead and wanted to try and be the next big thing. Jensen decided to do something with the show and that's his right.

The stans trying to downplay Jensen's role on The Boys seems like they're just looking for things to use against him. I don't think Jensen was acting like this was going to be his next big break and that he was going to be on a 15 season arc (cough cough), so the only people who thought that were the stans. Jensen has talked about being behind the camera for years, no? So it's no surprise that he's going to try and do something behind the scenes, and why not have it be SPN related for that debut?

Also, it was easy for Jared to just piss off to his new life as long as the fans keep lining his pocket. Jensen seems to want to do something for the fans that have been there since the beginning. Just comparing their behaviors since SPN ended, Jensen seems to want to do something for the fans rather than seeing them as dollar signs.

Again, Jared knew exactly what he was doing with those tweets. He doesn't have a very good track record with handling things privately, and I'm just glad he didn't doxx the Ackles' for being mean to him like he does with customer service workers.

I don't want to make assumptions about Jensen talking to Jared or not until we hear from him because it seems out of character for him. If he really didn't reach out, then yeah that's kinda crappy, but Jared is also getting karma for his shit behavior lately so it's a catch 22.

All in all, this might be the thing that officially makes me anti Jared.

[frenchie-sottises]

ADDICT Animation Thoughts.

HEY, WANNA LEARN DRUGS?

This is me not having doing one of these review sort of things in a while. I’m kinda swallowed in the love for the newest animation for Hazbin Hotel, so I’mma do a review on it.

Yeah, I’m talking about the whole music video for the song “ADDICT”.  Yes, it’s a song I freaking LOVE and will probably sing it to the ceilings for the rest of the week.

I actually had no clue there was an animation being produced for this song. I thought it was a good fan song and it was just gonna be left like that, but no, the person, and team, decided to make a video for it.

Okay, first off, can I just gush over how much I freaking love this thumbnail?? It’s done by Arielle Somerville, and even though this doesn’t have Cherri included, who takes up the second verse and I’ll talk about that in the minute, she definitely gets the message across that this video, and song, is mostly about Angel himself. I especially love the reflection on the pole, showing Valentino, who showed his face in the comic that’s supposed to be a prequel to the actual pilot. I also love the expression on Angel’s face. To me, it spells utter hatred for Valentino, and why shouldn’t he?

I’m sure most people who like Hazbin Hotel have seen this vid, so I don’t think I need to put a spoiler warning. Instead of explaining what happens in the video, I will break down the actual song and what comes to mind when I hear the lyrics and see the imagery.

Til death do us part, but we're already past that phase. This is a brand new start, and I think I deserve some praise

I will forever love this shot.

for the way that I am. Despite having overdosed, and ending up comatose.

I don't give a damn, I've let my emotions go- Fuck being a sober hoe.

The first verse is fairly clear about what happened to him before and after he died. Angel states with the whole “Till death, do us part” that now that he’s in Hell, he’s starting anew. He then further states that he should “deserve some praise” for the way he is despite the fact he “overdosed” and “ending up comatose”. While it IS confirmed that Angel died via PCP overdose, PCP can cause anything from organ shutdown (lungs and kidneys specifically) to seizures and coma. It’s not exactly clear what specifically killed him, but if I had to guess: organ shutdown. Specifically respiratory arrest since the oxygen is crucial for sustaining the brain.

He then, like typical Angel Dust, sings about not giving a damn, which makes sense since cause, y’know, it’s Angel. He claims to have let his emotions go and “fuck being a sober hoe.” PCP is.. odd when it comes to the psychological effects of it. PCP can block NMDA receptors, which are responsible for pain sensations, memory function, learning, and yes, even emotions. However, it can also cause anything from euphoria and calmness to anxiety and violence depending on how much is taken and who is using it. I’m not an expert, so I don’t know what’s specifically causing such contradicting results. (If someone does know PCP back to front, I’m giving you the shot to put your two cents in.)

This is the mantra, this is my life you're playing with now til the end of the night. Surrounded by fire, the passion ignites, a hit of that heaven and hell, a helluva high!

We then hit the bridge. Angel walks towards the moth in the thumbnail named “Valentino”, and yes, I got plenty to say about him later, and tells him he’s playing with Angel’s life “til the end of the night.” I don’t exactly know what he means by this since Valentino is Angel’s boss and we all know it’s not some one-time thing. He then sings about being “surrounded by fire” as “the passion ignites” and “a hit of that heaven and hell.” Heaven and Hell, huh? I believe he, himself, knows of its effects. (I’m not calling him stupid/oblivious, but sometimes the effects of these sort of drugs tend to be underestimated when it comes to what they can actually do.)

I'm addicted to the madness. This hotel is my Atlantis. We're forever gonna have a fucking reason to sin. Let me leave my soul to burn and I'll be breathing it in. I'm addicted to the feeling. Getting higher than the ceiling. And we're never gonna want this fucking feeling to end. Just concede and give in to your inner demons again.

Angel, along with Cherri, sings about how he’s “addicted to the madness.” I mean, he did have a casual conversation while happily killing Sir Pentious’s minions. He then makes a reference to the lost city of Atlantis, a city that was said to be inhabited by people who were half-man/half-god and created a utopian civilization.. basically the hotel is an “oasis” of sorts to flee from his current situation. Of course, being in a place called Hell, he states how there will always be a reason to sin and that he’ll leave his soul to burn and breathe it in. I mean, it’s Hell, you can’t fault him for thinking that, and, if you know a thing or two about Hell, once you’re there, have fun getting out, so you might as well leave your soul to burn and breathe it in. Of course, Hell is a lot uglier than this, but we’re talking fictional characters here, so there’s gonna be some rule bending.

He then repeats the first line of the chorus, but it’s slightly altered. He’s “addicted to the feeling” and “getting higher than the ceiling”, which is probably referring to the drugs again cause, well, you know. Of course, like how drug abusers become drug abusers, he doesn’t want this “feeling to end”, so he takes more angel dust to keep this feeling going. He then says to “concede and give in to your inner demons again.” Concede means to “admit after resisting or denying”, so Angel, at some point, was resisting, or denying, the situation he was in, but after either fighting it/denying it for so long, before or after death, he accepted that he’s fucked up and gave in to his inner demons.

I also love this shot.

After a few seconds of awesome music, Cherri gets her time to shine.

Yeah you fell in love, but you fell deeper in this pit. While death rains from above, so count your blessings cause this is it.

You're not letting it go, so what if I misbehave? It's what everybody craves.

You already know, so come if you're feeling brave, and fancy yourself a mate.

Cherri seems to have suffered an abusive relationship before as she seems to use past tense for whoever she’s referring to. "Yeah, you fell in love, but you fell deeper in this pit.” Whatever it was, it’s not something that can be made up for. She then says “While death rains from above, so count your blessings cause this is it.” I don’t exactly know what she means by this. Technically, they’re both dead and in Hell, so I don’t think whoever this man is has had his soul destroyed.. mainly because of what she says later. However, as death does what death does best, she’s telling him to count his blessings as this is it. I don’t know what she means as we don’t actually know that much about Cherri to begin with, so it’s more of a hit or miss kind of game in this playing field. She doesn’t seem to have any grudges against him, or at least doesn’t act like she does. I know somewhere down the line that our “protagonists” will have to face their problems, but I’m not sure what Cherri has in store for a man she seemingly got over.

However, it may be over for her, but she states that it isn’t for him by telling him that he’s “not letting it go.” She continues by asking “so what if I misbehave?” and then following that up with “It’s what everybody craves.” She makes it seem like he couldn’t handle her overly energetic attitude. It may also suggest that Cherri, along with her use of bombs and how much she seems to love blowing up shit, may be emotionally unstable. While yes, she may be kind and friendly to Angel, but he’s just a friend, I don’t think he’s anything more.

It doesn’t stop there though, whatever it is, she tells him he already knows, so come if he’s feeling brave and fancy himself a mate. Mate is often referring to a lover, but could also mean friend or someone for a one-night stand. Again, since we don’t know much about her, these lines could mean anything.

You want it? I got it! See what you like? We could have it all by the end of the night! Your money and power.. my sinful delight! A hit of that heaven and hell, a helluva high!

The bridge doesn’t do much in terms of explaining what’s happened to Cherri. While yes, it’s definitely explaining something, we don’t know what that something is. We can only guess at the moment.

Cherri tells whoever this man is that if he wants it, she’s got it. She then teases him with “See what you like? We could have it all by the end of the night!” The whole “end of the night” has now been said on both sides. It could mean about the similar situations between them. Heck, it might be why they’re friends to begin with. Nothing brings people together more than having similar experiences.

Then, and I don’t know if this is me, Cherri’s voice seems to tone down slightly when saying, “Your money and power” before kicking it back up with her smiling and saying, “my sinful delight!” The animation may support this as everything tones down, except the music, as if she’s reminiscing. She then follows it up with the line that leads into the chorus. As far as I know, she isn’t taking drugs, but that doesn’t mean you can’t be addicted to certain habits. *cough, cough* Blowing shit up. *cough, cough*

We then hit the chorus again. The chorus before introduced Cherri into the video, but now it’s being sung by both on the same stage and in the same building: the same one Cherri decides to blow up as they both sing about their respective situations. There isn’t much to this other than the fact that it feels more of a wrap up on explaining their current states.

Of course, those who have listened to the VIP version knows there was an extra verse sung by Angel, which was included at the end of the video.

I'm addicted to the sorrow when the buzz ends by tomorrow. There's another rush of poison flowing into my veins, giving me a dose of pleasure that resides by the pain.

I'm addicted, I'm dependent. Looking awesome, feeling helpless. And I know I'm raising Cain by every highway in hell. Maybe things won't be so terrible inside this hotel.

I.. don’t know where to begin with this. I had to go back several times because there’s just so much detail in every scene. Everything from seeing Travis getting kicked in the face to the cigarette that Angel threw in the ash tray looking like a heart.

I think I’ll start with what I think might be going on.

Angel, more than likely, is still in an abusive relationship with Valentino, who I will ramble about in a few. I’ve seen a few who’ve said that he isn’t, but I don’t think he managed to break it just like that. He is the one who told the audience to give in to their inner demons after all.

As far as Cherri goes? She’s become an addict to her own habit of blowing stuff up for fun. While yes, she’s seen blowing stuff up that is about/for Valentino, with a habit that’s become an addiction, I don’t think it’s gonna be very specific.

Of course, I could be very wrong about Cherri. She is seen blowing up a sign that literally says “ADDICT.”

So maybe she has broken an addiction of hers and is stronger than I give her credit for. Maybe that’s also why she’s coming to the hotel, cause she also said the hotel is her Atlantis, so it’s probably a hint that she’s gonna be added later.

Speaking of Cherri...

I love her solely for this.

While they aren’t exactly ideal people, they are, almost, ideal friends. Whenever one struggles, the other comes to help. Angel helped Cherri fight off Pentious while Cherri is here comforting Angel as he goes through his abusive relationship with Valentino. (She also helps with, again, blowing up anything that belongs/is for Valentino. Ridding imagery of an abuser will bring some ease to the victim’s life.) I say “almost” as they don’t go about it in the tamest of ways.. though I understand why people would come to defend what Cherri did. If nothing stops them from fighting and taking land, then nothing would stop Cherri blowing up a billboard or two, especially if it’s Valentino.

I think it’s time I’ve rambled about Valentino and the relationship he and Angel have, SO HUGE WARNING, this is gonna mention sexual assault/rape.

Valentino... I know I’m right when I say that just about everyone in the Hazbin Hotel fandom absolutely hates this fucker.

I can’t tell you how many people have made jokes about it already. Who wouldn’t hate him? I can tell you right here, right now, that moths, because he’s a moth, are my favorite insects. They’re fluffy, amazing to look at, and can make for some nice character designs. However, I have not once found myself being fond of Valentino. He has a great design, but that’s about it. He may not be real, but I’d strangle him too for not respecting Angel’s boundaries.

Like

who

the fuck

aRE YOU

TO DO THIS??

My god, it doesn’t even stop here. This was pretty tame. I have a feeling not many know what was actually shown in the mirror when Angel was in his room.

Yeah, I don’t need to tell ya. I mean, I hope that’s not what’s happening, but Valentino IS one of many of the overlords of Hell, so who knows how twisted he is. It looks like he’s just holding him in place and just glaring at him through the mirror as he probably monologues about some bull about Angel being his and whatnot, but this is Hell and tame can just go out the window.. that and Valentino is literally fucking drooling.

As a final note, I’m pretty hyped for whatever Vivzie and her crew have in store for this series. I’ve seen the pilot, I’ve read the comic, and now I’ve seen the music video, all have been great.

I can’t really guess on where Vivzie’s gonna go with this whole story. I’ve always learned that Hell is an inescapable place, so I’d expect that Hazbin Hotel will be about Charlie hoping to rehabilitate people to go to Heaven only to find out that there’s no way out. Maybe it’ll be about how Hell doesn’t have to be some horrible place for nothing but pain, but a place to finally try and fix your problems so they don’t control you in the afterlife.

However, Hell has one issue: the overpopulation and extermination. It’s why Charlie opened up the hotel to begin with, so maybe the plot is far more clear cut. It is a fictional world. Technically the Hell most people think of is nothing really like this. It’s just an eternal fire pit where you’ll suffer physical pain over and over. However, Vivzie’s take on it is far more abstract. It seems Hell is where you’re put into situations you wouldn’t want to be in. Angel seems to want love and have fun, but is instead stuck with someone abusive and what he finds fun has been turned into work, both of which he hates.

In the end, I’m really loving Hazbin Hotel’s story as a whole. I love the fact Angel got some more depth to him. I’m looking forward to what’s in store for Cherri and the others.

P.S.: You wanna know the irony to this? I love moths, but most spiders I hate. However, I’m here hating Valentino, a moth, while having a fondness for Angel, a spider.

I’ve never had something like this happen to me before and it’s one of many reason why I love Hazbin Hotel.