#But like. after having an ex friend accuse me of weird shit and me thinking I did weird shit when really I didn't and it was complicated | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

0xo · 10 months ago

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tw abuse & transmisogyny tho

it is kind of nuts that on the flipside of having incredible trans relationships, i've also been treated like dirt by former partners who happened to be transfem, and it like... sucks. hard. to feel a little bit unable to talk about how they treated me for fear of people interpreting that as me not loving or respecting trans women.

like. idk. especially one ex in particular. having my life threatened and being emotionally/physically/financially abused really really really sucked. especially because i loved her a lot and still really, really care about her. it took literally years for me to tell the full story to our mutual close friends because. i didn't want them to cut her out of our community. like "exile abusers" blah blah blah but she NEEDED friends and support, she was also going through a hard time, the last thing she needed was for every local friend she had to drop her or talk shit about her. even if she did really really mean things to me. i still want her to be happy.

it was hard telling k about what actually happened because he was so mad, not at me but at her, asked why i didn't tell the whole story sooner, all that. and all i could say was that i was afraid she would get more hurt. i didn't want her to be isolated. and i asked him, if you knew what she'd done, would you have been so nice that day when she showed up and scared the hell out of me? and he said no, i would've understood why you were so scared, i would've told her to leave. and i said EXACTLY, she wasn't in a state to leave, she needed a soft place to land. even if it meant she broke a promise to me. don't you get it? i didn't want her to end up dead. i still had an obligation to her to try and keep her safe.

i don't know. like. there is no such thing as a perfect abuse victim and you don't have to forgive your abuser or try to make things easier for them or protect their reputation from the truth of what they did. i just. couldn't let it all blow up immediately, right? i could only tell the truth after she was in another place, a better mental state, with more support that wasn't connected to here or our mutual friends.

and it's weird because we're still kind of friends, sort of. and i still care a lot about her. she has so so so many good traits, she's talented and beautiful and smart, and. i didn't want the way she treated me to get in the way of her recovering and having a good life. i want to believe it was all a really really big mistake, that she didn't mean it, that it was just the drugs and the sobriety attempts talking. and pushing and threatening. like yes take responsibility for how you act but also, maybe, that wasn't really her. maybe she's really actually a great person and we were just in a really difficult situation. i know that's not realistic but god i hope maybe she didn't mean it.

idk. abuse makes you feel absolutely insane sometimes. five years later im still grappling with that. the gender layers just make it more complicated because i never wanted to be that asshole who ruins the life of a trans woman over petty stuff. but it. wasn't petty stuff, and i know that and i have witnesses, it was genuinely bad. and i still couldn't/can't bring myself to write her off as a terrible person. because i really and truly don't think she is one. i believe she's changed and i believe she's better and i believe she's got the potential to do amazing things.

and i'm not looking for brownie points by saying all this, i'm not trying to paint myself as a saint for the act of still treating her like a human. i was never perfect. and i don't want to hold it over her head, okay? that's not what this is about. i am not a wonderful person for trying to forgive her. i am just trying to minimize the damage for both of us.

i'm just. still processing. and i think the way i had to handle it kind of complicates things. i've had people accuse me of "protecting abusers" because i don't really publicly talk much about what she did, i don't "warn" people about her. but. it's not necessarily anyone's business? they're not entitled to know the details of one of the worst periods of my life just so they can get some sick glee out of regurgitating it, using it as a reason to alienate her... using my pain as social currency. it's not their business. especially if she's changed her behavior? she doesn't treat her wife like she treated me, thank god. and if i'd gone out to crucify her... i don't think she would've gotten better. she may have hurt me but i don't want to hurt her in return. she doesn't deserve that. i didn't deserve cruelty from her and she doesn't deserve cruelty from me.

i'm not looking for validation that i've done the "right thing." i'm not sure there is a "right thing" to do coming out of all that. i just need to talk about it a little bit. because maybe other people who've survived shit situations need to hear that it's okay to have complicated feelings.

but her changing for the better doesn't. erase. what happened or how it affected me. the flashbacks and nightmares and general fear and anxiety. the added layer onto my pre-existing ptsd. it's difficult to process and talk about. it's affected the way i relate to people and my ability to trust. (i'm forever grateful that my current girlfriend saw what was happening and stepped in to protect me... sometimes i only really feel safe when i'm with her, because i know she's not going to hurt me or let anyone else hurt me. i can actually relax when she's around. she's safe.)

and idk, i guess the thing is, i could've let that experience turn me bitter towards trans women. i could've blasted my ex publicly and tried to ruin her life, and i probably could've succeeded at it. but. i never wanted that. i needed to be away from her, and she shouldn't have done those things, but i was never willing to turn it into a witch hunt. and it was a trans woman who came to protect me when i thought i was going to be murdered! it was my trans fem partners that helped me get out and get safe. i owe them my life. they didn't have to help me but they did.

so it's confusing to me that some people are so transmisogynistic because... what, a trans woman was a little rude to you on the internet? she called you out on your transmisogyny??? you feel personally emotionally attacked or some shit?

like. please get real. you're just hateful. not to be like "oh i got over a horrible experience so you should shut up," but. i lived through hell, i was abused by a trans woman, and i still don't have a nasty attitude about trans women in general. so i think some of you should shut the fuck up. trans women have every right to be angry and snarky when you treat them like shit!!!

i think it's just. difficult. to watch people act like fuckheads. i deeply, deeply love and respect the trans women in my life - including the ones who hurt me. and some of these assholes are throwing hissy fits about jokes and well-deserved criticisms of how they treat/talk about trans women. like. just admit you don't like trans women specifically. don't pretend you're being attacked. i know what being attacked is and, i gotta say, it's NOT that!

wishing people would view other people, especially trans women, as Real Actual Humans and not just a collection of their worst moments. it's so dehumanizing and so blatant and i'm sick of it

#long long long ramble under the readmore. sorry!!!

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megbonney · 1 year ago

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this year has felt way too fast because i realise for 80% of it i was getting mentally rotted by men. let's do a wrapped (of the ones i haven't forgotten).

EBF: first bf for like 2 years. i cut off my best friend under his influence. tried to convince me they were grooming me. tried to convince me i wasn't genderfluid. tried to get his therapist to therapise me. tried to get me to see a therapist. dropped out of school and had virtually no ambition. i had to pretend to be straight infront of his friends. accused me of cheating on him with one of said friends. i felt like he was cheating on me with my "friend" at the time. i had no one besides him. he was attached to me like a parasite and i hated it. dumped him. couldn't handle just staying friends. also killed my self image. went celibate after. oh and he went thru my dms bc that's totally normal. cancer man. 2. RICHIE RICH: was into him during "friends" stage with EBF. met on ow but never really played together. went to a private roman catholic school. led me on. sent me music recs but they were too indie for my teen angst at the time. "friend" made me let her follow him bc she's weird. he didn't see anything wrong with it despite my discomfort. got sick of it bc he was stringing me on and blocked me for being upset. also was confused as to why i wasn't able to go shopping every wknd and didn't understand why i wanted a job bc he was privileged and had an allowance. i tried to meet up but he folded. followed me back on insta 2 or so weeks ago. we haven't spoken. goofy 3. COWORKER: met at first shift. i called him pretty bc that's the only word to rlly describe him and he told other coworkers i tried to ask him out. shorter than me. played war thunder. was really sweet at first. suddenly had coworkers asking if i'd date him. realised he was running his mouth. we watched fury and bladerunner 2077 together. began going dry after i told him i was moving. started being a dickhead. started telling coworkers i was a lesbian. i tried to sort it out but he tried to gaslight me about it. i think he quit atp. good riddance 3. NARC: 23 or 21 yr old man idk. bastion main. had a gf i didn't know abt. treated me like a gf. had an entire fake life. claimed to be a "narcissist and compulsive liar." talked abt his ex the entire time. very degrading. i found his ig and he was actually ugly af. only good thing was that he wasn't codependent. ghosted him after he went dry on me when i got my period. msged his gf and it's been like a month or two without a response. he bought me nitro tho so that was sick. 4. FURRY: was friends with him at the same time as NARC. he also knew about COWORKER because it was roughly right as we met. wanted to be a musician and twitch streamer. 19. balding. had a mommy kink but tried to make me sub. gained feelings for me. i friendzoned him. then he tried to say he was in love a week later. he was parasite #2. friends with MANCHILD. double texted all the time. gooner. cut him off. tried to create tension between fig and i. into the weirdest shit i've ever seen. objectified me. genuinely liked oliver tree. also bought me nitro. 5. MANCHILD: turned 20 like last week. had a gf. never hung out with her. spent everyday hanging out with fig and i. was too stupid so him and fig argued often. tried to make me mediate. most stressful time of yr. i bought him 2 games and he lied to his gf about where he got them from. he also lied about why he got rdr2. backseat gamed everything. whiny. asked me how many fingers i could fit on vc at 2am. also asked me if i'd ever have a 4sum with fig . is now insisting i trapped him because i told people about what happened. 6. CURRENTLY: nothing! i probs forgot some things but a funny thing to note was that i know every guy on this lists' names and most info about them. it was also hard because i wanted to keep all of them approx the same length. happy 2023 ?

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learningtoeatokayagain · 2 years ago

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random

So much in my life has changed the past few years. I broke up with someone who was making me feel small. And the more space I've had from him and that relationship, I've realized it was what it was, which was pretty awful overall. And this constant like, fucked up shit around like, realization of how horrible the relationship was. And the fucked thing about dynamics like that is like, there were also good and positive things and connection and interest. But I've heard more about him and his fucked up behavior. And I'm really glad that I'm not around it him or that shit anymore.

With that, I've grown a lot from. However, it's also made me sad because like, I keep ending up in these situations of giving people chances and chances over and over. It's because I try really hard to believe in people because no one believes in each other. I keep getting stuck in this dynamic. And it's fucking so confusion because I keep getting fucked over by people. lol. Like, why do I keep giving people chances? excuses? I don't know. I don't get it.

So then I think back to when my parents were still married. I liked my dad. I truly did. He did fun things with my sister and I. He brought us outside and did fun things with us. He bought us things. We got to see his job. But then there was also a side of terror that I felt around him. There are so many random fucked up memories I have related to him. So many random things. Plus the abuse. So it's like, okay the first man in my life, my dad, I am supposed to like, feel safe and cared for by him. He loves me. He's supposed to not abuse me, etc. And then when my mom left him, she had to do it in a way where her friend helped her pack up as much as she could and we left. I didn't say bye to anyone. My mom did it all in secret.

So then, I am supposed to like, see my dad. Act as if everything is fine. I didn't for a long time after the divorce. The first time I saw him, I was so scared. Then he made me think my mom was feeding me bad shit about him. But that fucked with me hard because I witnessed his abuse. I was one of his victims. So then it's like, why and how am I supposed to be begin to understand like, how the things my mom said that were like, exactly my own memories of him were fucked up and wrong and that my mom was a crazy bitch.

So there's the beginning of me like, somehow wanting to believe in people and hear their sides because people deserve chances. Partly because I still loved my dad, even though he did some fucked up shit. And I wanted him to be okay and maybe I wanted him to be okay so it would feel better for me to love him, still. I don't know.

So my first relationship with a man was violent. And he was violent toward my mom, my sister, and myself. And he's never acknowledged any of it. Or apologized. He's always blamed my mom. And since I have stopped talking to him, I know he blames me. But he is never at fault. It's totally insane to me.

Then I ended up with someone very similar when I'm 18. But before that, I was used by men and experienced so much violence by so many. Anything from being told I have to show my tits for cigarettes, to cat calls, to being hit on while I'm working at McDonald's, to the entitlement my stepdad had over all of us, to the dude who raped me when I was 17, to the McDonald's coworker who stalked me, to the multiple men who were not clear about intentions and used me for sexual things, etc. etc. So I got pregnant at age 18 by a dude who was manipulative and abusive. I know I've written a shit ton on that relationship.

Then this last ex, it's the same fucking shit. The same fucking shit after all the god damn trauma fucking therapy I've done. I still end up dating a dude who has been accused multiple times of rape, as well as like, raped me. And it's been so stupidly fucking hard to say that he did that. But when I take a step-back from it, I know that's what happened. It's just so fucking weird because I have so many doubts about it and I don't really get why. I don't fully trust myself with what actually happened and I don't know why. I forget the details and then they come back and then I'm like, omg this is clique. Which I don't even know why this is happening or coming up either! Then I think of feedback I've gotten from friends and one friend said that our sexual relationship was so unbalanced and unequal. And all this shit is continuing to be so fucking frustrating because I try so hard to communicate my needs and wants with people, but it doesn't seem to go anywhere. But then, yet, I still want to believe and trust people.

The most recent example of this is watching a college friend slowly turn incel. Then he continues to spout his insanity at me and expecting me to like, just listen. His latest rant was about trans people and issues. I just can't engage with him anymore. And I was only realizing this shit after telling my partner about it. He said this is a pattern: men using you and you're loyal to people. And it's like, why does this loyalty fuck me over? It's this pattern of giving people so many chances because I believe in people.

Then this gets into these thoughts of me thinking - am I just crazy? What is it about me that makes people treat me the way they do? Because it fucking keeps happening? Or am I like, selfish and self-involved for even thinking that? Am I self-involved for thinking that people are treating me shitty, but they actually aren't?

I'm also so tired of processing this shit. I've accepted it's there and that horrible, shitty emotions will keep coming up. And I will I guess, keep at it. But I don't want to. I want to be fucking done with it because it's exhausting. And I get into this headspace of thinking I'm like, good, I've processed it, whatever whatever. But it keeps coming up because other men fucking bring it up because of their own fucking shitty as behavior. This shit is inescapable. I'm sick of giving them space and time and attention.

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heyharoldsboo · 2 years ago

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Hey babes, let's talk

As someone who has been

A. sexually assaulted

And

B. falsely accused of sexual assault

I feel somewhat confident I can give some insight on the Percy situation...

Now I have a firm philosophy that stems from my experience and that philosophy is... BELIEVE THE VICTIM BUT NOT WITHOUT PROOF, SOLID IRREFUTABLE PROOF.

So let's get into my philosophy and backstory:

#1. Believing the victim

So...back in school, I and three other people came forward with stories about how a student (18) had been harassing the three of us (this douche even had the audacity to grope me in the middle of class). Me and one other person in our trio were under 18...and what did our school do? Nothing, they did nothing. Not even when the guy admitted to it! The three of us victims were forbidden from even talking about it! Not to mention after that he made our lives a living hell. So yes believe the victims...

#2. But not without solid proof.

With this story also taking place during school this one takes a little longer to break down. Starting back just before second wave of the pandemic so back in the late fall/early winter 2020, met a nice enough guy(for the sake of this lets call him Rich NOT HIS REAL NAME DONT WORRY), he came on a little strong but hey he was cute...so why not. Starting as friends, we would dm each other until...I saw major red flags, he was moving way too fast so, I tried to steer us back to the friend angle...didn't work, so I did the sensible thing, I blocked him. Fast forward a month or so and he's dating my friend, not wanting her to go into this unprepared I give her a little warning...that ended up screwing me over because just before we went back online they broke up, not a big deal...at the time. So a few months into online school (think early/mid spring 2021) I get a dm from my ex (not Rich) saying Rich had accused me of r/pe...this was bad for Rich for 4 reasons

The first accusation was of me assaulting him at my house. (The dick hadn't ever been to my house)

The second one he said I assaulted him in the school field during lunch (??? Also I was working in the cafeteria on the day in question)

He's at least 6' and stronger than me (a 5'2" female who hates violent interactions and can barely throw a punch. At this point his story is so full of holes it's starting to look like Swiss cheese)

My mom is gonna raise hell (she did, she got the police involved because my school wouldn't take it seriously. Once again my school ladies and gentlemen👏)

Anyway my point here is like with the Percy situation most of this took place online which is why I stand with my motto

Believe the victim...but not without solid proof. Take everything that happens online with a grain of salt and don't just jump to conclusions.

Hey lovely! First of all, I'm so sorry about what was done to you. Thank you for trusting me with your story.

I agree with you. I have a friend who was accused of SA, and in the end it all turned out to be a lie made out of revange wishes. So I'm a firm believer of believe the victim, but also be serious and think about the story that is being told. If the story is weird, check things out.

And please, please, do as dear anon did: go to the police! social media can't do shit for you. get a legal exam done if needed, get your proof. don't use it in social media, because it may not be able to be used in court if done so.

#percy hynes white #percy is innocent #i stand with percy #percy hynes white is innocent #heyharoldsboo

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babycakelings · 2 years ago

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Putting this after writing all this. This was written just for me and all my brain thoughts. so scroll on past if you wish. This is for me and only me. Anyway, on to what I wrote.

I wish I could just brush shit like this off, but I see it all the time in every fandom and it just annoys me.

So many people who aren't queerbaiting get called it for no reason. So I'm just gonna list off some weird people who are commonly called queerbaiters for the fun of it.

Karl Jacobs has got accused of it so many times just because he's emotional and touchy with his male friends. I don't think I need to list why that's harmful to everyone, pretty self explanatory. But to make it worse, THE MAN IS ON THE ASEXUAL SPECTRUM.

Dream: No matter your opinion on the man or his actions (which to clarify, I personally dislike him) calling him, an openly mlm man, a queerbaiter just because you personally dislike him is just a weird level of homophobia that so many people seem to think is okay. "He can't be queer if he's a bad person" get a grip. That's the kinda attitude that leads to excusing and ignoring racism within the queer community. You can call him a bigot without being homophobic, geez.

Caitlyn Jenner. Same as above. Queer people can just be bad people guys. Doesn't mean she's not actually trans.

Suga from BTS. He's a famous man who lives in a homophobic country who has brought up liking men (and women) on many occasions but has not given any label openly. White young queer Americans say this is for fan service, which is so fucking dumb. There's a difference between a weirdly sexual dance between two men intentionally done in front of a huge audience for screams, and a guy on live stream talking about crushes he had in his all boys middle school. If they can't see the difference their not worth talking too. Asking a queer man in a homophobic country to make a full on coming out is so dangerous and such privileged behavior.

All the members of the K-pop group OnlyOneOf: For those who don't know this group, their an all adult k-pop group who's music explores themes of self discovery, sexual exploration, and navigating relationships. In the past few years their music video's have very explicitly shown this in relation to being queer. (If your not into K-pop, it's good to know the only other person doing anything like this is an openly gay man, who has been attacked on the street over it. So yeah it's a big deal) Dispite this, none of the members are openly gay. Tiktok doesn't like this. The reason this is dumb is the same reason as above.

Any actors who play gay characters but are not queer. Let people act. There's a conversation to be had about letting straight people take roles from queer people, but that doesn't mean it queerbaiting.

Tubbo: Apparently having a boyfriend without calling yourself gay is queerbaiting.

Tommyinnit: I can almost understand this one, except he follows up every gay joke with "I'm straight.' It is actually not possible for him to trick people into thinking he's actually gay. Unless it's his mother apparently. Just let the funky little guy wear his rainbow shoes and shout his allyship from the rooftops in peace people.

Any cross dresser... I mean, really? Just let them dress in their cool as clothes guys.

Obviously, all of these is fucking dumb. Because no matter what people online like to say, it is actually homophobic to accuse any person of not being gay enough or acting to gay for what they actually are. Real people do not owe you any explnation for their identity. You could be forcing someone to out themselves when their not ready, they could just be exploring, they could just be comfortable in themselves. Either way just let them live.

One singular exception: Harry Styles, I'm an ex fan of him, but not because I think he's a "queerbaiter." Again, real people can't queerbait. But what they can do is use the fact they have queer fans to make a profit without using their image to fight for lgbtq+ rights. That is my issue with Harry, he wants to be an icon without actually doing anything risky. And i just have no respect for that. It's fine if he doesn't want to label himself, no one should say otherwise. But no one should be treating the man who won't speak about lgbtq+ rights properly and refuses to release the only song he has where he implies he might like men as a queer icon.

apparently there’s tiktok discourse about whether or not F1NN5TER is queerbaiting. there is no such thing as real people queerbaiting gnc cis people are not queerbaiting get off the internet i bite and tear and devour you ok?

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dkkjd-vyu · 8 months ago

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i cant tell who i am anymore tbh because im constantly gaslit about it and people around me will be inspired by me or claim i was inspired by them even with shit ive always done and it is exhausting. and i see consistency in the way i dress and the way i want to dress and the way i used to dress but what the fuck does it mean. also when i was like 13 and upperclassman accused me of copying them and sure maybe i was inspired by them a but because we were friends and they were older (and also very controlling in a lot of weird ways) but i also already had lots of original interests and influences before i met then but they claimed those as their own as well. now i am still in their radar and they dress or do things in ways now that i do and use to, even when they didnt dress like that yet at the time but i already did. (for ex. they wore like generic twee but i was much more experimental with the way i dressed, wore crazier patterns and colors and silhouettes etc.) but since they were one of the only alternative people in the band they weirdly saw anything alternative as 'their thing'. (she alsso accused multiple people of copying her and was very competitive and manipulative) Also i didnt get to start dressing myself until highschool (which is when i met them) so i changed my style drastically in my first year of highschool since i was finally allowed freedom but this person saw anything interesting in another character as a threat , also she had been accused of copying someone older than her before i met her!!! and tbh i also feel like they were inspired by me after they felt threatened since i dressed more experimental and she just wore kinda basic generic twee stuff idk but they could never admit that and it also causes a lot of confusion within me because im constantly being gaslit about stuff i did first too!! things that were always apart of me! but i am not allowed that security!! also with art!! even tho ive always been an artists and she barely drew until she met me!!! its so stupid this has stuck with me so severely STILL but i cant get over it for some reason and this shit still affects my friendships now. i am very paranoid of friends and have a very low self esteem since i cant proudly display any of my positive attributes without being afraid someone will be threatened by them and lash out against me and also still question if i was too inspired by her or accidentally copy her somehow still even though from an outside perspective we are VERY different but she aggressively highlights the similarities (eg. you read books? thats interesting?,, i read books!! thats my thing!!" even tho in this case ive been a massive book worm since i was a child and she only really got into reasing as an adult -_-) but yeah she fucking sucks but i feel like i lose or admit all the bullshit things she accused me of were true if i block her completely and it pisses me off because i also have a stupid little ego about it and want to get back at her and i want to have a wayy better life that is completely different than hers and way cooler clothes and interests that she couldnt dream of copying or having because i am also crazy. kinda like the " you think im copying you? why the fuck would i want anything you have or be like you?? look at my life!! why would i try to downgrade like that"

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bisluthq · 10 months ago

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Well she should be thankful because I don’t think she would’ve understood like a prayer if it wasn’t for her… And now I want to know how Jack feels about Hozier. I don’t know if he actually went to a play with George or if they both happened to be there, but he did post a picture of a street once that had a huge 1917 ad, so I think he likes George. I don’t think he’s a jealous guy, but I didn’t think Saoirse was either

idk I’m gonna project on them as I always do and say she says she’s not a jealous girl but she is and Jack says nothing and he’s not. That’s my setup lol I’m Jack in that situation. My bf very actively says he’s not a jealous person but he’s super uncomfortable with all my male exes/ex somethings. He’s okay with my longterm ex but like all my male exes he’s very “someone else” about lol. Even like my one friend right - who I’ve told y’all about because according to him we never had sex and this was a very contentious point - who I’m legit just friends with like because he’s a chill dude for the most part when we’re not beefing over our respective definitions of sex my bf is a bit uncomfy with. It’s not purely gender based tho because he’s also a lil weird about my one female bestie who I’ve fucked right like he was cool with her (she’s married lmao!!!!) until one time I mentioned her and I have slept together a few times and then he’s been weird with her ever since. I think he’s cool with like my ex because he knows like if it was just her and me left on the planet I’d still not fuck her lol like her and I would be okay because we get along grand but there’s never the potential for a romantic relationship again there because I spent 2-3 years of my life uncoupling from her. I think ex sorta somethings he’s jealous of because he thinks like in another life maybe I would’ve and tbf like all the people he’s jealous of are indeed not hard passes for me 💀💀💀💀💀 but he does say he’s not a jealous person and I can imagine saoirse saying the same thing whereas Jack just doesn’t gaf.

oh I also told y’all like I did experience jealousy for the first time in my whole life with my current bf regarding his most recent ex something before me but like mostly because I found that letter where she truly spent two whole ass typed pages extolling his virtues and I was like “bitch I don’t have this much nice stuff to say about this man or any man or anyone for that matter like if u want him THIS bad maybe you should have him idk” and I was insecure for a bit about it but I’m over it now. I don’t feel jealous about any of his other exes tbh.

I also will say he accused me of jealousy the other day because he phoned an ex for like a work related thing and made a whole deal about how he’d do it in front of me so there are no secrets and afterwards I was like “lmao she sounds super annoying” and he was like “yeah that’s why we’re not together” and I was like “I mean not what I meant I just think she’s full of shit lol because anyone who says yeah there’s lots of people who do this in London - which is what she said but could be replaced by New York, LA, San Francisco or Paris - generally don’t know what the fuck they’re talking about” and he was like “I knew you’d be a jealous bitch about this” and I was like “nah bro I mean I’m a bitch like wbk but I’m not jealous” 💀💀💀💀💀

I can imagine Jack and Saoirse having similar vibes lol and her like accusing him of jealousy after she speaks to Hozier or George and him just being like “dafuq u on about my queen???”

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diariesof-kg · 11 months ago

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Liar.

2024_05_02

Let me not type this in a childish tone and attempt to review the seriousness of context at hand. I am actually smiling because one of my clients works with big time folks and I am always trying to get the tea. Anyways, so I lied about being on the phone in the morning. I explained why I did it and then apologized and said I was in the wrong. This is a small lie at that, but I can understand how small lies lead into bigger ones which creates this whole trust issue thing. I think what is so fascinating about humans is that we will never think the same or view things the same which causes the disagreements and arguments.

She asked me or rather told me that I am on the phone all day, as if in my thoughts it's a problem or something. I took it and saw fit to lie and say I didn't which she goes through my phone the following days and then tells me why. Now I got caught, so I explained the reason, just like I told my best friend the same story and the reason. So, after all of that I apologized and said I was in the wrong, in the midst of that I did mention how she has lied too. Now, when I lie its literally a white lie, and it never benefits me obviously. But usually I do lie about if I ate that day, but never where I am going or who I am with. So I lied about being on the phone, but as she scrolls, she can see it's with my friends and no one new. My best friend referred it too, when a kid lies because they are scared. I am a adult, so it would be weird to use that. But literally I was accused of sleeping on the phone with someone and I didn't. I think your brain rewires itself as things occur. It wasn't my intention to lie, but my brain literally goes to "oh shit, you telling me i've been on the phone all day in the morning and it's not with you." Now, we get past that. I apologize and explained it and so forth.

What gets me is that, she said, a big lie we can have a conversation and move forward but small lies, she doesn't like because of her past. Okay, got it. Might I remind you, she threw something back that I told her in my face, this has happened twice and yes, no for me. What gets me and grinds my gears, is it's starting to feel like, she is looking for things to find whats wrong with me, because of what happened months ago. Then turn around and say that she didn't lie and it was more of a omission. Withholding information, isn't lying? Oh wow. I--

Then as of today, we joking around, at which I will never joke around anymore. She asks "who I was available too" I said no one, but I took to long to respond so the jokes are now over. Then I said I'll send you a screenshot, she goes things can be deleted. Honeychild, you don't know me and my friends. We are the screenshot and history of holding on to shit. I still got the conversations from everyone I interacted with in my phone and even my old phones, in case a bish ask what occurred in 1900, Lol. I got over 10k photos and most need to be deleted, but it's so hard. Like, if I wanted to delete anything, wouldn't I have deleted the call log but I didn't clearly you could see the facts.

I need to seek a therapist though, I am over this Candy Cane incident but I am not. The fact that she lied and then had the audacity to make it seem innocent as if it's okay to be texting a ex whatever, like did you or did you not reply and did you or did you not refuse information that would of killed the interaction. I'll lie to people I don't care about, are you serious? Not telling your ex thing you are in a relationship is what? Why would someone make an advance and continue to regardless of you shutting it down. Like -- I need to scream. Like, and you didn't think how something like that could affect me and it's been months. But lordt bless it be the fruit, because I vowed never to speak about it again. Like, how lucky can you be to be forgiven and I don't joke around about it nor get upset with you period, but I-- don't respond now you don't trust me. Lol, God take the wheel. Listen I get it a lie is a lie, but honey child, I-- need people to understand that shit right there was the BIGGEST lie I had told in my face. I real life need to see a therapist. Like I am exploding inside because it's like oh shit Ke'Anna did this, but I digress. It's more of the fact that today the joke went sour and she usually has a face which means she's not joking anymore. And at that point, I am done joking around, because it's been other incidents, where I joke and she thought -- I am good, this is the alternative Ke'Anna, the one that no one likes at all, the one where everyone says I am too serious and never fun.

Like real shit, shouldn't I be worried, since she "handles things" behind my back with ex folks. Like I would never do no shit like that, that alone causes trust issues and I am not diverting away from the fact that I lied, because I was in the wrong, but I am more or less upset, because she lied and I didn't even flinch, I had to cry alone, cry to my sister and best friend. But honey child, when I tell you the type of bish I become, is the reason you never want to disrespect me in the first place. Especially on some ex type shit. But I'll take this L and we gon move past it, but I will tell you something, Ima screenshot all my calls and conversations everyday, because what folks aren't going to do is crucify me for a lie that was merely innocent. Say some shit and hang me dry, when you catch me talking to my exs, but matter of fact if I did, they'd know I was in a relationship and any disrespect I take care of that, but she already knows that.

Last part I was good after the conversation until today, now I am really pissed off, because here we go again.

On a positive note, I will say that, I am proud for listening to my partner at every moment there is a issue and finding a solution, that I disagree with but will do it for the sake of caring for someone and putting my mental last. And I proud of myself to be able to have conversations and apologize without merely making excuses and viewing my partners emotions at hand and genuinely being apologetic and facing the fact I am in the wrong. This is growth.

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#life #diariesofkg #blogs #lgbt #love #life lessons #lgbtq #relationships #friends

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nicholaussprague · 1 year ago

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Letter to friend ch(i)rca 2013:

Hey man,

You're generally right about some shit. Like my fonts generally suck. I dunno why. I guess I don't think about the font very much. You know how it goes and shit... Maybe you could provide me with some feedback on the font. I guess you're a Guru, a leader, or something or nothing. I dunno.

What do you see?

Inline image 1

So my parents thought I died. Just left my apartment with all the shit in it. I was temporarily treated like I'm crazy. Treated them like they're crazy. Seems to work. Pisses people off and makes them love you. I guess society's about to get fucked. Like fucked hard. I dunno. Gonna keep playing by the rules. Like I always play by the rules - honest and shit. Now I play like Mark. Be a shithead and lie and shit. Like fuck you/them, right? Yeah...Nah. Mindfuck.

Took everything except 7 shirts, two pairs of socks, one pair of jeans, some expensive skin ointment, and my phone (which I later sold on the street to some Indian dude for $50.) Pretty trippy. Stayed in a hostel in Chicago with some Japanese dude who had to return to the states temporarily to go to court for a DUI. Apparently if he didn't return, he wouldn't have been allowed back into the states. We smoked clove cigarettes from Indonesia, Gudang Garam's, in the hostel. We didn't start anything on fire. Both wished we had some pot.

Met this dude with PTSD on the AmTrak to Lawrence. He was an ex Airforce guy and a body builder of some sort. Works out to feel good. Still had problems not being able to sleep, tho. I sleep well - especially in hostels with white sheets when I've been traveling for 2 days.. I don't sleep well when I don't have a comfortable place to lay my head - like train stations, busses, and asylums.

So I partied for the last 4 days straight. Went out - met a bunch of people - the people are weird here, man. Like they're out of site. It's like stories of Florida, New York, Kansas, stories of Cali, and all shit wrapped up into one. Danced with some local cultural icon hotties last night. Couldn't break their monotony. Some dude accused me of being a faggot. I said, "Yeah, you're a faggot winner, too. Right?" ...The biggest asshole is always the biggest pussy. Damn this guy couldn't dance worth a shit and wasn't any help impressing these women. He was from San Fran. I don't think this says anything about people from San Fran. I dunno.

Tomorrow I spend $40 for unlimited Yoga sessions. The most beautiful women in town work there. Maybe they all have children, but you can't fucking tell. They're thin and shit, have long gorgeous hair, and are about my height. Skinnier, but my height. I like that. Marriage doesn't bother me. I bought this copper bracelet from a homeless guy here. He threw in a wedding band with it. I wear it. Pretend like I'm married. Gonna see how that plays out. It doesn't matter if you're married, I guess. Culture is in a world of pain or something. Send it on, right? Yeah...Nah

Cried with my brother's roommates girlfriend yesterday. She's like 19 or 20. Kinda immature or something. I showed her boyfriend some porn that I was going to use for the above image. She didn't like the raw images. Stormed out of the apartment. He stormed after her and then came back in. I said, "What's up with her?" "She doesn't like porn." I said, "ahh, shit, I'll go out and talk to her." Went to talk to her. She thought her boyfriend put me up to it. Wasn't the case. She told this story about how her father trashed her house and left porn mags all over the floor. The gesture was like, "Fuck You, Fuck my Family." I cried or something cause it seemed so tragic and destructive. Maybe he was trying to teach her and her mother a lesson. Seems fucked up, but I dunno. Maybe porn isn't so bad. I do know that if you're addicted, then the serotonin in your brain gets depleted fast and then you get ED. For whatever reason, this girl blocks out this shit entirely tho. Rather than dealing with in head-on she ignores it. Maybe she'd feel better if she watched some porn and came to terms with it. I dunno. Fuck it. Not my problem.

Anyway, came back to Lawrence to make a fuck of $$$. People buy some drinks - I (censor) them with some tracks and everyone's happy. I have like 3 parties to throw now. lol. You're like a professional partier. Fuck. Wish you were here to show these people how to do it.

Hey man, sorry I put you threw some shit. I guess I told you I'd do it. Shit's over now. My life's on the straight and jagged now.

Still love you and don't.

Nick

p.s. didn't revise this. 2 many drugs or something. 2 lazy.

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the-z-part · 4 years ago

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A Personal List of Lietners, or Book Recs for Each TMA Entity

These are not all horror novels (although some of them are), but I think they speak to themes that will resonate if you’re particularly into one fear or another.

Feel free to add your own recs! I’m obviously limited by what I’ve read (ie I suspect that Wilder Girls is a good corruption book, but I haven’t read it yet).

Books with canon queer characters are marked with an asterix!

The Eye

- The Children’s Hour* by Lillian Hellman. An accusation made by one of the students brings scrutiny and heartbreak to a girls’ school. OG queer tragedy. (CW: suicide)

The Spiral

- Finna* by Nino Cipri. Two exes working at fantasy!IKEA must find a lost customer by travelling through even-more-fantasy!IKEAs.

- “The Yellow Wallpaper” by Charlotte Perkins Gillman. Imprisoned by a husband who thinks he’s helping her, a woman sees a figure in the ugly wallpaper of her room. You read it for English class, but read it again.

- Challenger Deep by Neal Shusterman. Caden’s a normal teen whose friends and family are starting to notice that his mental health is not quite ideal. Caden is on a ship heading for the Marianas Trench, torn between loyalty to the captain and the allure of the deep. (You know that song Ship in a Bottle?) (CW: forced institutionalization)

The End

- They Both Die at the End* by Adam Silvera. Two teen boys get a call that they’re going to die (this is normal in the world). They meet, and decide to spend the day really living.

- Scythe by Neal Shusterman. In a utopia that has moved past natural death, two teenagers learn to kill for the greater good.

The Stranger

- The Murders of Molly Southborne by Tade Thompson. Every time Molly bleeds, her blood creates a perfect clone of her that wants to kill her. This is inconvenient to say the least.

- The Call by Peader Ó Guilín. In a fantasy future Ireland, teenagers train for the day they’ll be transported to the fairy realm, where they’ll be hunted for sport.

- Coraline by Neil Gaiman. Coraline finds a secret passage to a house just like hers, but full of delightful, magical things--and another mother who wants to keep her forever.

The Lonely

- Like Water for Chocolate by Laura Esquivel. The food Tita cooks make those who eat it feel her emotions--it’s the closest anyone comes to understanding her.

The Desolation

- The Fifth Season* by N K Jemisin. Geology-magic causes an apocalypse, but it might also keep a grieving mother alive.

The Slaughter

- The Lamb Will Slaughter the Lion* by Margaret Killjoy. A spirit summoned to protect a commune starts killing people. Queer and punk rock af

- The Light Brigade by Kameron Hurley. “They said the war would turn us into light.”

The Vast

- To Be Taught, If Fortunate* by Becky Chambers. A group of astronauts jump from planet to planet, cataloguing the life they find. But then their updates from home stop arriving...

- Into the Drowning Deep* by Mira Grant. Killer mermaids, hard science, and genuinely every kind of rep you can think of! (also has some Stranger stuff going on in it)

The Buried

- The Unfortunates by Kim Liggett. Teens are trapped in a cave while hiking, and something is hunting them through the dark. (Ok, I couldn’t actually think of a book for this fear, but I asked the inimitable @acesaru and she recommended it. She hasn’t steered me wrong yet!)

The Dark

- The City in the Middle of the Night* by Charlie Jane Anders. Humanity struggles to survive on a tidally-locked planet: one side is pitch dark, the other blazing with light. Sophie, a student, is exiled into the darkness.

- The City of Ember by Jeanne DuPrau. Ember is the one bright spot in the darkness, but blackouts are becoming more frequent as the city falls apart, and only Lina and Doon seem to be paying attention.

The Corruption

- The Hot Zone by Richard Preston. Ebola! It’s the only nonfiction on the list but Oh Boy. (CW for graphic depictions of illness)

- Code Orange by Caroline B. Cooney. Can you get smallpox from a book? Mitty isn’t sure, but these terrorists seem to think so...

The Web

- The Haunting of Hill House by Shirley Jackson. “No live organism can continue for long to exist sanely under conditions of absolute reality; even larks and katydids are supposed, by some, to dream. Hill House, not sane, stood by itself against its hills, holding darkness within” (It really does have themes about, like, manipulation, but also join me in mixing Hill House and Hilltop Road up 100% of the time)

- Jane, Unlimited* by Kristin Cashore. An orphaned artist goes to a spooky house. She has to make a choice, and we see every possible consequence for that choice. Genre-bending and bi!

- Middlegame by Seanan McGuire. Psychically-linked twins, Rodger and Dodger, are manipulated by the alchemist who created them and controlled (almost) every aspect of their lives. Weird timeline shit!

The Flesh

- The Belles by Dhonielle Clayton. Girls with the power to mold bodies and make people beautiful vie to become the Queen’s favorite in the beautiful, dangerous court of Orleans.

- Unwind by Neil Shusterman. Three teens scheduled to be “unwound” and have all their organs sold to other people flee their fate. Some really gnarly body horor.

The Hunt

- Vicious by V. E. Schwab. Victor and Eli used to be best friends, but after years in prison, Victor will stop at nothing to get his revenge on Eli. Also, they both have superpowers.

- “The Most Dangerous Game” by Richard Cornell. A long short story about. the hunter becoming the hunted. Spoiler: the most dangerous game IS man.

The Extinction

- Borne by Jeff Vandermeer. The Company destroyed the world, and then a giant bear destroyed the Company. Only a few survivors remain, including Rachel, a scavenger, who finds a creature called Borne and decides to care for it, even as it grows increasingly stronger and more terrifying.

- Parable of the Sower by Octavia Butler. A girl who literally feels others’ pain quietly develops a religion while America crumbles around her. (CW: sexual relationship with a really big age gap)

- All the Birds in the Sky* by Charlie Jane Anders. A witch and a mad scientist fall in love at the end of the world. The most real-feeling apocalypse I’ve ever, ever read. (Not really a CW but if reading things that remind you of Current Events makes you uncomfy, beware, because Charlie Jane really nailed it)

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tim-hoe-wan · 2 years ago

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Balenciaga definitely crossed the line. I think that these advertisements are inappropriate, and even disgusting. I hope that this backlash prevents the fashion houses from using children in their ads ever again. I feel like all of parties involved were fully aware of these documents. Thought I highly doubt that they predicted that it will reach the general public, and more importantly that the right-wings conspiracy theorists “journalists” will accuse them of being part of a paedophile gang and that they will be taken seriously by the Twitter / Instagram / Fashion folks. I think that they wanted to be that name of everyone’s lips as they always do tho they haven’t thought it through this time. Since they’re so out of touch they also had no idea that most people feel sensitive and want to protect kids.

Also It looks so ridiculous when their representatives claim that it wasn’t the idea of Demma and that all of these highers up at Balenciaga/Kering didn’t know about it so they’re suing the set designer of this ad, only to put a blame on someone (who isn’t even decisive or important). As if Balenciaga isn’t know for their provocations. Cowards. If they want to be soooo edgy they should bear the consequences. Especially after they’ve been showing in our throats for years how edgy, transgressive and provocative they’re. Which proves me once again that Demma and his collaborators lost a touch with reality a while ago. I’ve always thought that he’s just a desperate man who is selling hoodies, bags and jackets while making models look sick and drugged cause he wants to present some ass weird apocalyptic visions at his fashion shows to convince everyone that he’s that visionary artist. I feel like many influential celebs/people etc. put him on a pedestal without any criticism so they’re partially guilty in some sense in my eyes.

As for Lotta I knew that they will come for her one day. She’s too successful. Agree some of her Instagram posts are weird however half of shit which is posted on that thread about her which gained around 60k likes on Twitter is made up. Ex. the girl in a red dress with two babies is not her and Lotta actually doesn’t work for Balenciaga since 2019 as far as I know.

Also I think that Kering should have a better pr team. I think that it’s a bad sign that people are associating his name with a cruel head of a big devil corporation. I don’t claim that he isn’t one and I don’t feel sorry for him. However he fumbled a bag big time from a business point of view since people now who he’s.

That’s my thoughts :)

Fashion labels doing this shit always make me feel conflicted cause sometimes I want to react, but my friends who work in the industry have all talked about how labels and their creative directors totally love pulling the shock value card to give them attention. So reacting and giving the brand clout is definitely what they want you to do. The rationale is half a classic pr move, and half of it being their argument that artist is all about provocation and how much they can push it to the limit. With Demma, I feel he’s definitely at his wits end in how to get Balenciaga to keep up with other high fashion labels but at the same time doubles down when things become negative.

I know Balenciaga is considered within the world’s hottest brand right now, but I think what Demma is doing and what Alessandro did for Gucci in terms of overall impact will be pretty short lived. I can’t remember the last time these two brands put out something that I feel will become a classic and stay beyond the short lifetime of fashion in the influencer era. They’re no Tom Ford Gucci and John Galliano Dior for sure so the constant either shock value or teaming up with hypebeast brands always feel shallow and a last ditch attempt to do something iconic.

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blacksunscorpio · 4 years ago

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Hi, hope you’re well! I was wondering about the hidden enemies aspect of the twelfth house. Does hidden mean the types of people (people with influence of the sign in your 12h) you are unaware are antagonizing you or is it that those characteristics in someone throw you off but you can’t really put your finger on why? Can these people believe that they are helping you but really they’re holding you back in some way? Can the hidden aspect go both ways? Why does 12h synestry have this effect? I have cancer on the 12h cusp and I’ve never really been able to develop any meaningful relationships with any (cancers) that I’ve met though I’ve been trying to emulate characteristics of this sign (12h as repressed tendencies). Note: I unfortunately have no water placements to help me out what so ever lol. Thanks for your help, your blog is absolute gold ✨✨✨

12th House and Hidden Enemies

Since the 12th house is ruled by Neptune, this is the place in our chart where things can be difficult to ascertain. Things are murky and veiled here. Not only can you be unaware of where people are causing trouble for you but there can also be a weird “vibe” that something is not right with something or someone but one may not be readily able to make it out. In the natal chart, synastry, or composite this can display itself as mentioned above. Things can get triggered here in ways you are not altogether comfortable with. And of course, because like the 8th house, things can be deeply buried or repressed. For more insight lets look further:

Aries/Mars in the 12th

Hidden or unconscious foes can often attack a native’s go sense of self. This is because Aries/Mars rules the 1st house of self. “I AM”. Often a native with this placement may wind up feeling victimized without being able to put their finger on the source if said feeling. An astrologer/native will want to observe one’s Mars placement and the contacts it is making to other planets in the natal horoscope or in synastry/composite [Mid-point or Davison]. Ex: Mars in the 1st can indicate conflict to the self. Mars in the 7th can indicate complexity with enemies being close relationships. One can have issues with authority figures or those in leadership. Hidden enemies can be competitors or they may feel anyone who triggers these planets is a rival they need to “beat”. People who trigger “lust” or “Sexual urges” in a native may be perceived as a nemesis. In addition, rivals/enemies might display aggression, antagonism, self-serving habits, and impulsivity. Watch out for those who display toxicity in the form of domination or those who overall try to silence or step on your drive. These people can be ruthless, cruel, “bullies” or simply those who charge in a shoot first/ask questions later.

Taurus/Venus in the 12th

Enemies are involved with 2nd house realm of “possessions”. Things we get territorial over. This includes finances and things we appreciate. Enemies may accuse the native of stealing/taking something precious from them. Things they value. Be on guard for those who encourage over-indulgence, general excess, and materialism. Someone who once wore the mask of a friend may turn foe due to being envious of the things a native owns. The things a native has or their wealth. Venusian placements can indicate the type of relationship a native has with their enemy. Ex: Venus in the 4th may indicate secretly toxic family members. Venus in the 11th= friends or those in their general social network. Venus in the 5th, casual lovers, etc. Fixed tendencies or feelings can exist in the underlying relationship between secret enemies. Be on the lookout for undoing in the physical/material realm. This includes thievery, hoarding, over-spending, or living beyond practical means. Undoing can come from going after comfort and security in toxic or co-dependent ways. Lovers or those who provide wealth and security may become enemies by withholding it from a native or trying to gain control over it behind the native’s back.

Gemini/Mercury in the 12th

Secret enemies can come in many forms. Generally, this will be in the realm of communication, ideals, or intellect. The interactions may be formidable and stem from communicative interactions or opposing views. A secret enemy will often challenge the native’s wits or will simply strive to appear more intelligent than them. Superficiality, fakeness, disingenuousness, and two-faced behavior are common threads. Undoing can display itself as blockages to learning, gaining insights, and general discouragement of focus that can make the native grow. An enemy will, in layman’s terms, try to make you look stupid. Insult your mind. Make you lose focus. Mercury aspects and placements can reveal more. Ex: Mercury in the 11th can indicate surface level bonds with peers and communication that is not honest. Friends may lie. Mercury in the 9th possibly indicating enemies who may try to manipulate beliefs or manipulation in regard to teaching and religion. Secret enemies will reveal themselves in their communication methods with the natives. Through dialogue. Enemies here can use sarcasm, cowardly subs, insults veiled through “back-handed compliments”, passive aggression, insult you subliminally so you don’t realize you were attacked or insulted until after-the-fact. Slander, libel, or general shit talking. Think of Regina George: “OMG I love your skirt!” only to turn around and say “That is the fugliest effing skirt I’ve ever seen”. with the 3rd house involved, siblings and extended family could be culprits or part of the problem. A toxic person may try to attack your intellectual confidence. Unethical approaches involved with words and general attacks of the mind. These people may intentionally cause confusion or gaslighting. Watch out for people you perceive to be liars. Therein lies the foe.

Cancer/Moon in the 12th

Veiled Nemesis’ are often difficult to feel. Things will be subtle. Their tactics or vibes will often display themselves in the form of manipulation, passive aggression, or a general “toying with the feelings”. Since the moon/Cancer often represents the “mother”, toxicity from a parent or child may be an issue or the culprit. A native will often feel their sense of security or safety being “attacked”. Enemies will attach their healing methods and/or emotional confidence. The placement of the Moon can indicate where emotional damage typically goes on. Ex: Moon in the 10th can indicate attacks to the public person or prestige or even the career. Coddling, not being able to let go, clinginess and overprotection are general themes. Perhaps a parent or guardian, lover, or close friend is incessantly over-protective that it causes a stunt to general emotional and mental growth. Again, it may be hard to see since it is the moon that can be a mysterious place as is the 12th house. The channel that one discovers said enemy will typically be through intuition and even dreams. Remember, through said over-protection and general fear of letting go can lead to the native’s undoing. We often see the toxic side of femininity with this placement. Mom, Grandma, sister, great grandmother, etc can be involved in the problem here. Child-abuse, using the child as a pawn during custody battles, emotional manipulation in order to get what the enemy wants can be what causes the nemesis theme. A hidden enemy may cloak themselves as “just wanting the best for you” or “I do it because I love you and care.” The enemy may not be able to let go.

Leo/Sun in the 12th

Foes will strive to exert their and dominance over a native. This will display itself as the spirit of competitiveness, bullying, domination, bossiness, arrogance, etc. Think leonine traits at their worst. Leo in the 12th will do this behind the scenes with power plays. How they can lord things over a native. The father could be a culprit in this or the father could be part of the issue. Daddy issue [regardless of sex]. Internalized misogyny. The Sun’s placement can reveal more. Sun in the 3rd will try to influence the mind or dominate the intellect. Sun in the 6th indicates a coworker or boss or one may feel/be overshadowed at work. The battle will always be involved with the core ego or one’s sense of self. A hidden enemy will try to greatly influence this person in this realm. A hidden nemesis will try to act like the dominant parental figure or act as if they are giving good sage-like guidance or person. They will try to act like the authority figure. This person will drain the native’s energy stores. The definition of an energy vampire. Why? because even as humans, we get our energy from the Sun. We are heliocentric. One can often feel drained energetically after dealing with such an individual. This will reveal to you “who” the enemy is. In addition, we can see more themes of toxic masculinity here just like Mars in the 12th. Moreover, the enemy may not be another person but the own native’s hubris. They need to take care not to allow their ego to run roughshod over them. Pride comes before the fall.

Virgo/Mercury in the 12th

Secret enemies with this placement will often reveal themselves by criticism. More specifically, criticism about things a native is very insecure about. The critiquing will be neither healthy nor remotely helpful. It will scar instead fo heal. Hidden foes will wear the mask of the “caretaker” or “healer”. Their behavior will simply be a means to an end. The native will often find themselves internalizing the criticism which is exactly what their enemy wants. The words the foe spouts will be sort of like Simon Cowell’s analytical stance. Harsh but not in a way that builds. One may often find the enemy saying things like “that’s just my opinion.” they will veil it under the mask of “honesty” when in reality it is just shit-talking for shit-talking’s sake. These people don’t really care, they just like to take people down a peg. Be on the lookout for those who display “Munchhausen by proxy syndrome” towards you. The caregiver who secretly injures by tries to gaslight and cover it up under the guise of “love”.

Libra/Venus in the 12th

Like Taurus in the 12th, similar issues will display themselves through relationships. The ones closest to us. Your hidden foes may hide under the mask of “friend”. They are nearer than you are probably comfortable with. Look for those who are near and dear. Now, will all your teammates, family ties or friends be enemies? No. But you’ll want to be careful who you let into your circle with said placement. Best friends turn to enemies. The ones who hate on you when something good happens. The friends who link with you through trauma bonds but when you successfully break that tie, they are angry at every “win” you have. These people will be the ones who don’t clap when you win. The people who say they are “there for you” but stab you in the back. They’ll secretly compete with you. Those who thrive and gloat when you are down and out. Enemies in this house will threaten your harmony and balance somehow. They will not respond well to diplomacy or will mask their ill-intent through the mask of “sweetness” and “Friendliness”. You’ll feel a shallow vibe from them. They’ll say one thing but their energy screams something else. Friends who are fair weather. Those who take advantage of a native’s attachment, or infatuation. A lover who ghosts or tries to make you co-dependent on them. An enemy or toxic person may actually lust or secretly desire you but manipulate you into thinking you are the one obsessed with them. There will be subtle mind games. They will enjoy toying with you. Delayed gratification or just manipulation. Think 5 of swords and 3 of cups paired.

Scorpio/Pluto in the 12th

Paranoia resides here. Hidden foes will be quite underhanded and manipulative. Secrecy is seriously involved. People with this placement live by the mantra “expect anything from anyone, the devil was once an angel”. Betrayal, possessiveness, control and power themes, vengeance, and guilt are involved with enemies. Anyone who triggers these themes recurringly may be individuals to keep your distance from. People who trigger self-destructive tendencies are enemies to look out for. Moreover, a native can feel like they are their own worst enemy. Remember, a Scorpion is prone to stinging themselves. Enemies here are prone to trying to turn the native against themselves. This toxic behavior will be intentional. Toxicity will display itself through trauma bonds, possessiveness, gaslighting, manipulation, envy, or just general attempts at control and domination. Remember, the general theme here is “power and transformation.” Enemies are often those who boast a considerable amount of power [over the native or those who are powerful in general]. The danger in this placement? A native may feel a strong magnetic pull or obsessive fascination towards the enemy. This can appear in the natal, synastry, or composite chart. Watch out for the lover who seems to have a hold on you but you don’t know how or can’t seem to break it. They know what they're doing *sucks teeth*. Secret enemies desire to manipulate you or play the ventriloquist. Their goal is to see you be your own downfall. They’ll wade in the shadows, pouring gasoline on the fire of the flames of your self-destruction. Watch out for those who smirk while you’re going through a hard time. Or those who encourage you to do things you inwardly know aren’t good for you. Be on the look out for power-hungry individuals. Those who NEED to be worshipped. The types to lead “cult-like” followings and draw you in. This can often be displayed through seduction.

Sagittarius/Jupiter in the 12th

Hidden enemies/foes will be very fanatical and zealous. Enemies here lie in the realm of philosophies, teaching, higher learning, or religious beliefs. These enemies will be toxic gamblers. People who enable you or encourage self-indulgence, promiscuity, and general recklessness. They won’t ever warn you or ask you to heed caution. Ever. They’ll mislead you, tell you half-truths, or cherry-pick facts and figures to suit their own needs. They’ll make you think you’re getting the full picture but you won’t be. They’ll teach harmful beliefs, things that destroy faith in what is tangible or real. Make shit up to suit their own propaganda. It’s very similar to Neptune since both Jupiter and Neptune rule the spiritual. What they teach you may make you feel bogged down. They’ll use beliefs and doctrine to control. Their passion and zeal may make you feel as if what they are spouting is the end-all-be-all but it tends to be the opposite. Gloating and one-upmanship are themes as well. These hidden enemies will reveal themselves by questioning your beliefs or forcing you to believe theirs or causing dramatic scenes when you don’t conform or question theirs. The nemesis might be a professor, guru, preacher, priest/priestess, or political leader. They’ll be exaggerators, quite preachy, and cloak their arrogance under another mask. Often it will be “confidence” but ultimately it’s bravado or self-absorption. They’ll be charismatic, yes, but they’ll attack your aspirations, idealism, talents, and dreams or simply try to tell you they’re not there or tell you you don’t really know yourself- they do. They’ll tell you they “know you better than you know yourself”. Again the theme is “beliefs”. They will dissuade you from forming any thought process that doesn’t align with their own. They won’t encourage you to learn for yourself, cross reference, cite your own sources, or guide you to thinking for yourself. It will always have to be in the confines of what THEY believe for it to be seen as “appropriate”.

Capricorn/Saturn in the 12th

Hidden enemies or foes will often be a threat to growth. They’ll be restrictive. Threaten a native’s ambitions, reputation, prestige, groundedness/security. They may present themselves or even be authority figures. Power games are seen here. Guilt, repression, feelings of guilt, and/or general suppression of self-expression and drive. These individuals will be calculated. Very chess-like. Wealth or the legacy of a native and their possessions will be threatened or at risk when one has this placement. The enemy will display an austere persona. Could even be the father, grandfather, great grandfather, etc. Masculinity is involved here. Disappointment and criticism are extreme themes they’ll subject you to. This is how you’ll figure out who they are. They’ll be cold, want control, or be controlling. EXTREMELY negative. They’ll also be greedy or attempt to hold a native back from success, prosperity, or independence. Maturity will be inhibited. Opportunities thwarted. But they’ll mask it all under “wanting the best for you.” The enemy could even be an individual's lack of exploration or their own self-repression. They could cause themselves to be too hard on themselves which could lead them into self-imposed depression. They must learn to be free. LIVE.

Aquarius/Uranus in the 12th

Hidden foes and/or enemies can be erratic. They’ll operate in a very unpredictable manner. Their behavior will be exciting so it may be hard to recognize it at first. They may appear out of the blue. The nemesis might attack a native’s individuality and freedom. They may cause chaos and disruptions in your life. The enemy may not respect your individuality or differences and/or freedom. They’ll disapprove of the unique way of life your lead. [Look at Saturn as well as Uranus]. Your freedom will always be a threat to theirs and vice versa. Look out for those who seem “out there” and who try to coax you into avant-garde ways of doing things. It may not always be in your best interest. You could wind up with sudden breaks, accidents, unpredictable events because of them. They may cause disruptions to your security or cause so much confusion they can cause severe damage to your psyche [Uranus can also rule intelligence and mental dealings]. They’ll be recognizable as the “rebels”. They may not always be the types to intentionally wish you harm but may lead you to it. They’ll be, eccentrics, or anarchists and can lead you astray. Their agenda is to be agents of chaos. Think of the Joker from the Dark Knight. “Do I really look like a guy with a plan?” It will be hard to see. You may even be enthralled. Again this is the 12th house. Lots of instability here. The enemy could even be the individual's need for rebellion which can cause them to get themselves into trouble because they don’t see the threat or danger involved or they simply don’t care.

Pisces/Neptune in the 12th

Hidden foes may have may connections to karma. The feelings will be extremely felt through intuition and psychic insights. You’ll feel them but not really know where they’re coming from. Often there will be a “Nessus/Dejanira” theme going on. The victim and abuser. Often, the native will be the abused. Strong Manipulation. The enemy will make you drink the “Kool-aid”. Their abuse often stems from their own hurt and trauma. They’ll claim they want to heal you or help you. Their “aid” will be cloaked under sympathy and love. Often it is an illusion. In reality, they’re wanting something. Being used can often be a theme. Themes of addiction or drug abuse can live here, too. Think of Bobby and Whitney or even Syd and Nancy. Enabling addictions are very prevalent. Now the enemy may not even be a person but addictions themselves can be the undoing or downfall. One with this placement must be careful in indulging in mind-altering substances. Alcoholism can be an issue as well. If it is an actual individual, the foe can play the martyr or cause you to sacrifice something precious to you. They can play off your insecurities or weakness and keep you emotionally dependent. They can toxic to your spirituality or try to influence your spirituality as well.

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